#and I do wish it was better obviously like im not happy w it. but also it isn’t worth all of that.

[surreal-duck]

live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)

cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥

[prodkeiji]

ep 9 is a lot to process uhm

[alittleemo]

.

[sayoneee]

☆ MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

“i’ll send an S.O.S to the world” - the police (smau)

contains: travis stoll x aphrodite! reader. idiot (travis) in love. alt universe everyones happy. woc friendly as always

kashaf’s note: i'm still pirating the show, this ones for my book readers out there! for reference, connor is percabeth's age, while travis is yns age so um imagine

liked by clarisse, cbeckendorf, and 199 others

connorstole worst brother ft. sister in law

tagged travistole, yn

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yn um whatchu mean by that

connorstole none of ur concern!

annabethhh Ok connor

connorstole annie ur such a boomer annabethhh what did i say about calling me annie. connorstole im running dw!

silenabeauregard HUH???

yn just as confused as u are.

travistole im ur only brother.

connorstole not true @ lukecastellan + @ chrisrodriguez exist

liked by chrisrodriguez, cbeckendorf, and 203 others

travistole bf + worst brother ft. gf

tagged cbeckendorf, connorstole, yn

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yn wheres ur gf all i see is me

travistole ur the gf obviously yn we’re not dating? 😭 connorstole and i thought i was slow yn u better run before i sic clarisse on u. connorstole im not the guilty party here so gl bro travistole semantics

lukecastellan she said yes? congrats bro ✊

yn no she didnt! lukecastellan 💀

cbeckendorf ay man

travistole my one and only 😘 cbeckendorf 💋 clarisse poor poor silena travistole me and charles r actually in love thank u very much. cbeckendorf silena my number 1 tho travistole two heart breaks in one day... how much more can a man take 😔

connorstole hurt people hurt people

travistole no bitches connorstole speak for urself

liked by clarisse, silenabeauregard, and 300 others

yn girls night!

tagged silenabeauregard, clarisse

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travistole thats my girl 😍

yn travis stop telling people im ur gf 😭 travistole i cant believe my own girl dont love me 💔 yn u never asked me out??? clarisse 💀

silenabeauregard FAV SISTER

yn i love u

clarisse GIRLFRIEND

yn only ur gf 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 travistole 😕 yn 💀

liked by percyjackson, katiegardner, and 313 others

yn mf stole me flowers.

tagged travistole

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travistole and u said chivalry is dead 😔🙏

yn it is. travistole nvm i agree w u babe clarisse walk him like a dog!

lukecastellan so she did say yes

yn not too much coming from u.

percyjackson @travistole CONGRATS

travistole 😁

connorstole this has to be fake

yn i wish it was travistole 😕

annabethhh another soldier down 😔

yn sry annabeth </3 i let u down

silenabeauregard FINALLY

yn HELLO??? @ cbeckendorf ??? silenabeauregard oh you're so dead. yn @ travistole heyyy bf come save me travistole omw gf 😍

© sayoneee on tumblr. do not repost, translate, plagiarize or claim any of my works as your own.

[kindleaf]

Erlin, Albin for the obvious. Zirk for me. And as a curve ball. Also Luna.

[ask game] yayyyy so many :3c (under cut)

erlin:

how do i feel about this character?

gestures to my url. i'm normal. im literally normal. (favorite nadd character and maybe my favorite character ever. he's certainly up there.)

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

bev -w- truly no one else. no one else with bev either. no one can ever get involved with what they have going on at risk of their self esteem.

non-romantic pairings.

ofc egwene and erlin the siblings of all time forever. the most important guys. and then the rest of b-team obviously. him and hardwon make me cry. of course his other scoutmaster moonie as well. derlin. cran. probably ol cobb. i get weepy he has so many friends he's so LOVED...

unpopular opinion.

i'm a bev/erlin guy we all know this. and a large portion of his life is beverly and i love to discuss this i love to talk about the Themes And Motifs but i also think. maybe. both within the show and in fandom we could talk a little bit more about erlin and his desires outside of bev... we can look at his own tragedy as well... also he's gay. that's not unpopular i'm just saying it.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

B-TEAM BONDING. ON SCREEN B-TEAM BONDING. PLEASE ON SCREAM B-TEAM BONDING. "MY FATHER FIGURE" BRIAN MURPHY ELABORATE.

albin:

how do i feel about this character?

LOVE HIM. loser wizard guy my favorite c3 character hands down. he's so sad. kicks him.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

sol! mainly sol. sometimes i play dolls with him and calder, grem, or swag but it's mainly for the Bit and the Drama and the Sexual Ennui.

non-romantic pairings.

ma goblin and him are literally LITERALLY best friends bark bark ruff bark. they make me so happy to think about. also i have pretty extensive headcanons about him hanging out with the waterpark kids (liddy, tully, etc.) and maybe have a comic in the works for it hehe but i like that. and then also winch and callie. i think they should be FRIENDS.

unpopular opinion.

they should treat him better in canon before i start aggressively subtweeting jake and emily on twitter. be fucking nice to him he's literally just helping you and calder STARTED it.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i wish we had gotten to maybe see more flashbacks to launchpad with them in a more serious way? however the lizer fight flashback to albin crying out for help really does it for me i like that a LOT. i wish we'd maybe even gotten more of albin's story pre-launchpad but that's arcane knowledge that not even murph knows so. shrugs.

zirk:

how do i feel about this character?

i LIIIIKE zirk i think he's so interesting and fun. and ofc he's a blorbo in law. but i love alchemist characters by default and then ALSO he has mommy issues? let's fucking go.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

uhhh not many? i don't really ship him but when people draw him with syb or henry i think that is a-okay!

non-romantic pairings.

him and fia. obviously. they are literally socialized together like kittens and they'll rip up your furniture if they're apart please do not separate. also i like your 🫵 zirk and hank jr stuff i think they should and could be friends even. also him and irina but that's mainly stuff i imagine in my brain. also i think him and tarragon could VIBE but i suppose we'll never know.

unpopular opinion.

hm. idk how unpopular this is with this certain audience but i literally hated the fucking through a bag scene so much. it sucks. it's not good. to me.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i would eventually like to see some third mates on their boat in the future :-) just to see what they are up to post All That Bullshit. and also for some zirk and irina interactions.

luna:

how do i feel about this character?

LOVE HER i love her role in the crick arc and i love her scene with melora and i especially love that we get a little peek into how the chosen recruits members because i am so horrible fascinated by how they function as a cult militia. i love her she's awesome.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

i think shipping her with apple scrumper is literally just fun. so apple scrumper. also not romantic but i think her and moonshine could have a casual thing. in wolf beast mode.

non-romantic pairings.

also her a moonshine as mentioned previously. i think her and hardwon potentially also good friends and then this is so random i think her and tess from the bastards of none could literally hang.

unpopular opinion.

despite her relatively small role in the grand scheme of things i don't think luna is forgettable at all! i think she even brings about one of the most iconic parts of the series early on with melora's "you weren't cursed. you were born that way." i like her very much i think she was the most fun a tertiary npc could be.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i can't really think of anything specific i think her arc was very well done. i wish she had gotten to maim barret brisden if this counts.

[dreamgirljune]

Hi 💐 I adore your poetry and I had a question. How would you suggest to improve poetry? I write and I've posted here as well but never received any proper feedback which I can use. Tips?

hello!!! this is so sweet, thank u for the support and i'm so honored u'd want my advice.

first of all, im gonna say poetry is a very individual thing, and what works for one person doesn't work for others. also, if u'd like me to critique specific works, i could probably be more thorough and i am so happy to do so, but that's obviously entitely up to u.

that being said, here's some things i've learned.

1. don't write what you think people will like, write what works in ur brain. this doesn't mean it has to be smth u have directly experienced, but more so an emphasis on having smth that matters to u more than smth u think others will care abt. i've found that my poems that have received the most love are the ones i thought "this is so niche and specific, i have no idea if anyone will relate to this or like this at all." as cheesy as it sounds, being honest in whatever way that works for u rlly is best

2. this is actually a rule i believe i heard abt comedy, but i find it rings very true of poetry as well: combine the specific w the broad. there are certain points of humanity i think are shown pretty much across the board. finding the very exact and nitty gritty feelings and thoughts and expressing that is usually what makes a great poem. to give an example, all of us are lonely sometimes. what makes writing abt it interesting could be writing smth like feeling lonely when u go to the grocery store, wishing u had someone to grab something from the top shelf for u and hold ur hand in the dairy aisle.

3. this is more personal preference, but i like the opening and closing lines to kinda form a circle. i don't know how to explain this exactly, but i like it all kinda come back to this point, not necessarily in words but more so in theme. i especially like when something's changed, and the same idea now has new nuance. a good example of this from my works would be in the world is ending. i began with the sentiment "there's nothing i can do about it" and ended with "it will be enough" both involve a lack of control, but where it began with helplessness, it ended with acceptance.

4. experiment!! try so many cool things!!! change up spacing and structures! try new words and phrases! use repitition! use long lines, use short phrases! the best way to find your specific writing niche is through trial and error.

5. similarly, in terms of gaining skill in writing poetry, quantity over quality. the best way to write a poem u love is to write a hundred u think are garbage. eventually u learn what works for u, but more than that, practice really does make perfect. or at least better. i started off writing the cringiest, most angsty and awful poems u can imagine. since u already have been writing and posting, u've already started this. but don't let urself get so frustrated u stop writing. writing is so beautiful and healing and wonderful. if u love it, keep it in ur heart forever and don't let it go.

this has already been so long so i think im gonna stop there. i hope this was helpful, i am by no means an expert and i am sure none of this is new advice. i bet ur writing is rlly cool!! and regardless, we all have smth worth saying, and im proud of u for saying it.

be warm and well fed

[uriekukistan]

Hi!! :D

Do you have any Nobara or NobaMaki hcs?

oooh this is such good timing bc im writing a nobara character study/nobamaki fic rn since nobara's bday is coming up :D thank you for the ask, hope you're well!!

sort of a character analysis more than an hc, but nobara is so brash because she's deeply insecure. she's worried she's not pretty enough, or she's not smart enough, or she's not strong enough, etc etc etc...so she covers it up with overconfidence and anger.

the reason she likes maki so much is that maki isn't held back by her flaws and doesn't let people's expectations define her. if anything, her flaws motivate her to work harder to surpass what people think she's capable of.

whereas maki likes nobara so much because nobara respects her as she is. she sees maki's strength regardless of her weakness, and she doesn't expect maki to be anything other than herself.

maki doesn't like shopping, but it doesn't stop her from going with nobara. she's happy to spend zen'in money for nobara to get fancy clothes and skincare and such, and the zen'ins are happy for her to spend it bc they think it means that she'll settle down and accept her role as a woman soon uhhh (they dont know its for her gf obviously) (next time nobara goes shopping w yuuji and megumi she says to yuuji "maki is so much better at carrying bags than you, you could learn from her")

neither of them are very fond of physical touch, they express their affection for each other mainly through acts of service and the like.

both of them are the type to flaunt each others successes, even if they're super insignificant "my girlfriend did x the other day, isn't she so cool?" (nobara probably) "my girlfriend is rlly good at y, don't you wish she was your girlfriend? too bad, she's mine. find ur own" (maki). each others biggest cheerleaders forever and ever

nobara is a shirt stealer btw. no sleepwear could be as comfortable as one of maki's t-shirts

hmm i think thats all i have for today...i feel like i need to think abt them more, like im Just writing abt them (as a central relationship, that is)

[nondienary]

i saw this post sharing designs of the infinights in GL2 and it inspired me to share my own! enjoy (i guess)

and obligatory spoilery rambling warning because character design makes me so happy

starting off strong with kyborg!

details i enjoy- his blue hairties and gold ear cuff are inspired by the ones he has in the picture on the home page of the stinky dragon wiki. im especially happy with the ear cuff because it turned out way better than i expected.

i also really like the arm (and yes i know he doesnt have the diagem in it anymore but it needed some pizazz! said pizazz made me temporarily hate myself because it used up his 4th face accessory slot but i don't even remember what other face accessory i wanted for him anymore :P)

also his boots. idk why but i like them

his hair!! i went through a bunch of styles and chose this one and i'm glad i did because this is a pretty accurate representation of how i imagine his hair, including the color! his mom was a redhead so ya boi is a strawberry blond (ish)

details i do NOT enjoy- the fact that gl2 doesnt have a hip quiver :( because i had to add the quiver to his back but that took up his second cape slot so he couldnt have his cloak of many fashions. and also even if i could give it to him w the back quiver i would still want a hip quiver because i imagine him with a hip quiver! because you can't do somersaults barrel rolls with a quiver on your back!

anyway

i probably should have made these separate posts but oh well you signed up for rambling and rambling is what you get!

next up: mudd!

loml

details i enjoy: his cloak, i spent ages on it because i was overthinking what to do with his cloak of billowing vs his cloak of the secret garden (?) but i'm very happy with what i settled on

the detail in the undercut drove me crazy because again, characters are limited to 4 cace accessory and i was using one for the runes in the undercut. which i obviously changed but that brought me so much pain and misery /lh

im so happy with how his face, especially his eyes turned out because again, i struggled with them for some time. but now his face is SO perfect. except the lack of sideburns.. maybe something with the side hairs? i keep forgetting that's an option in this game

the little daisy earring. spur of the moment addition, so glad i did it.

details i do NOT enjoy: his outfit :( for all the others i knew what i was going for but with mudd i had no clue other than the cloak. it's based off his puppet outfit because i legitimately couldn't think of what he'd wear. i like the shoes and choice of belt but between this and the sideburns mudd is definitely next in line for a redesign

ok someone who was just redesigned is gum gum!

details i enjoy: his face. that is such a gum gum face. wish i couldve added bigger tusks though. and the lil smudge of dirt on his cheek!!!

silly almost easter egg i added is that each of the colors of the rainbow is in his design at least once because dia's whole thing is rainbows and light and stuff. at first i just had it in the accessories and his whole outfit was blue pretty much but i looked at bart after completing all the accessories and i was like GODDAMMIT he has all the colors. and it's actually incorporated into the outfit AND it looks really good.

the fact that vee and i both designed his hat nearly exactly the same completely independently of each other is so epic.

i originally came up with the shoulder flower while working on mudd but i was like "oh wait gum gum's the flowers guy mudd's the animals guy." and gave it to him instead. and i'm very glad i did it fills in that space in the cloak very well.

speaking of the cloak, i very much enjoy it

things i do NOT enjoy:

honest, nothing comes to mind! maybe it's because he was the most recent to get revamped but its so wonderfully gum gum.

and last, and maybe least in stature but not in much else, bart!

things i enjoy about this design: the little thigh dagger. bart is totally the kind of man to strap a dagger to his thigh instead of just attaching the sheath to the belt like a normal person

i made him VERY visibly part dragonborn because it's honestly hilarious. because gum gum has known bart since he was a baby, he knows bart's just Like that. kyborg hadn't interacted with another person in like 30 years before he met them and mudd had probably never seen a halfling in his life, and even if he had, he wasn't just gonna have his first conversation with the guy be "i don't believe you when you say what race you are." tbh mudd's probably applies to kyborg as well. and bart assumed its just because of the different subraces of halfling. he's a stout halfling, alleve is a lightfoot halfling, no wonder she doesn't look like him!

also the hem of the pants is so fun and piratey and i love it and it's perfect.

i also gave him a crystal resembling his diagem, i haven't decided what's going on with that yet. i didn't give mudd one because no way in hell am i trying to make a ring WITH a diagem in it. how about no :3

things i do NOT enjoy: gl2 doesn't have enough curly hair options, specifically for rear hair. so bart's hair in this is not as accurate in this to my mind's eye as the others. its alright it does look good regardless

and that's all ive got in terms of commentary, please enjoy me talking about my silly little hyperfixation guys. byebye!

[lightburnsyou]

respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

roleplayer name: sky!

roleplayer pronouns: she/her

muse name: anakin skywalker

preferred communication: tumblr dms or discord!

experience: over fifteen years! i started on neopets (doing "gifted vs government" rps if you remember those. it was basically just x-men ocs lmao) and started on tumblr doing groups when i was about 14? discovered indie rp around a year or so later. moved to discord and wrote 1x1s sometime during lockdown. rped exclusively with one friend for like three years. (still write the same two rp threads w her!) recently came back to tumblr with this blog! have been in many many fandoms.

preferred roleplay type: as long as there's something to work with, i am content. i'm very story focused. i don't care much for threads where it's just two characters chatting about nothing, unless it's giving us juicy character exploration. i prefer threads with some kind of conflict, whether it be internal, between two characters, or a third party/impending doom/secret/whatever. it doesn't have to be action based, but i think all stories do need something going on. as long as there's something, i'm happy. i'm not very good at this, but i also really like threads with strong environments! i suck at remembering to describe places, but i like a nice setting. i think it makes it more fun and vivid, and you can do cool symbolism and metaphors with a good setting. trying to get better at this bc sometimes i feel like i write characters in a void rather than a solid, grounded place. so if my partner is good at establishing setting, it makes me happy bc i feel like i'm learning lmao

pet peeves & dealbreakers: ooc dramaaaa. it is my biggest dealbreaker. also this is a minor pet peeve and hasn't really come up here, but i must warn you all that i am not a hayden simp. please don't assume i am just bc i write anakin. love him as anakin! great actor! but idrk him and i don't want to talk for hours about how hot he is. i'm a lesbian, and i'm just not interested in talking about the hotness of men really at all, let alone in excess. i won't stop you from talking about it, but i just can't sometimes. a boundary i have. i'll talk about my love for anakin all day any day tho.

plot or memes: both! i will say that memes can sometimes get the ball rolling faster, especially if the characters have an established dynamic or common setting! that being said, i do love plotting just as much! never feel scared to reach out to me to discuss a plot or dynamic! i'm down. and unless otherwise specified, you're more than welcome to continue any meme without asking! i try to write them with potential continuation in mind

long replies or short replies: i don't really mind length, but i do gravitate to multi-para. one-liners are great starting points, but i naturally expand. i don't vibe with blabbing just for the sake of matching length, though. anakin is a talker, so a lot of my replies do have a bit of dialogue! however, whatever i feel the reply needs is what the reply gets, and i hope my partners do the same! there's no pressure to match length, as long as there's something to work with, yk?

best time to write: it really depends! my work schedule fluctuates quite a bit. for me, as long as im (a) not tired, (b) have a quiet environment, and (c) am in a somewhat good mood, i can write something. the thing that hinders my writing most frequently is stress or sleepiness.

are you like your muse?: i think we all are in some ways. there is a reason we chose to write or create the characters we did. my writing is obviously rooted in how i see the world, and through that, how i see ani. there will always be a part of me in the way i write anakin. we have very different life experiences, reactions, and perspectives on things, but i love that boy.

tagged: @petitsdieu

tagging: anyone who sees this and wishes to fill it out! tag me! it's good to get to know one another

[ahundredtimesover]

Chapter 11 was such a roller coaster ride I loved it!

Mr.Ri☹️☹️ after hearing him explain his backstory as well and how he feels infinitely indebted to the family, but also lost someone who he truly loved?? I know he’s just a supporting character, but I can’t hope to wish that we get to see a win for him in the end as well🥲 I can’t imagine spending basically your whole life dedicated to one family without having the chance to even have your own or experience who you are without them. I’m hoping JK and Hobi picked up on this while he explained the story of oc to JK and they use their great executive power to give Mr. Ri a vacation or even an end to his “debt” because he doesn’t deserve to live working till the very end💔 and I hope he finds someone, whether a friend or partner that makes life more enjoyable for him because🥲

Sorry I’m very soft Mr. Ri right now🤭

I loved seeing their relationship grow and I was right w my theory (that their relationship wouldn’t happen while she was his assistant) but I’m sad this miscommunication happened, but I know it’s better for them. I’d rather they wait till they have their own problems sorted out before trying to start a relationship where they end up resenting each other (especially reader, if she stayed for JK). I think JK has a lot that needs to be done emotionally, especially with his family dynamics before he could pursue a relationship (not saying everything needs to be fixed before that), but he obviously has issues that could “mess up” their relationship and I’d hate to see that cause a problem between them

And it’s so crazy how I was so excited for when we’d finally get some🥵🥵 but all I could do is feel sad because yes, what jk asked of her was selfish(I know he didn’t realize at the time), I couldn’t help but feel for how lonely he truly is. He has all these people around him ofc, but even in the beginning w his first uncomfortableness with getting a new assistant, it takes a lot for him to trust someone and I think him realizing that he might “lose” someone he just let in really scared him

I still think he asked at the wrong time! I know he didn’t realize her relationship w his family at the time, but I don’t think he had malicious intent with his plea, he just bared his heart and was trying to get everything off his chest WAY TOO early!

But reader🥲, I’m so happy she’s leaving! (Bad terms w jk, but I have faith he’ll grow up and find her when the time is right) she’s finally going to be doing something for herself and hearing how she’s basically lived her life thinking she HAD to repay the jeons for their kindness and just became a secretary for her adult life… nothing wrong with a secretary but you can tell she has dreams and aspirations, but the strong need to repay them back overtook that. I hope she uses this newfound freedom to explore her options and really choose something she’s happy in, she deserves that more than anyone, I’m so happy for her I can’t even explain it☺️

Jk and reader also have such noticeable holes in them (ofc I know this because I’m able to read their inner thoughts), but I hope they get filled🥲, yes a romantic connection is one of them, but it goes deeper than that. They both have traumas and issues they don’t talk about and I hope they are able to grow as people and with each other (in the future) because they’ve shown so much compassion towards others.

Sorry for rambling so much, but I really love the world building Mimi, I think there’s some other point I might be forgetting but thanks for sharing this story with us, it’s true one of my favs

ANON IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. 😩😩 Pls forgive me, especially given the thoughtfulness of this message. I appreciate u so much thank you thank you for sharing all this! 💕

Ok so first - yes, Mr. Ri is such a special character. I wanted to write someone who has this kind of backstory, bc I know it happens that people commit themselves to a company and a family like this. I wouldn't say he's "doomed" to live this way, although I envision him to be with them all his life, looking after the family bc he's a very trusted man. He technically has a 24/7 job, but it doesn't mean it's all he does. It may not be stated but CEO Jeon gives Mr Ri lots of time-off, he's paid well, he travels, etc. It's just that he chooses this, bc it's all he's known and he'd rather fulfil his purpose this way than anywhere else.

As for your theory, correct! I never planned on OC and JK being romantically involved while OC is employed. That just means more drama and yes, miscommunication and lots of insecurities and fears. They have their burdens to carry and deal with, but we'll know of their respective thought processes on how they make sense of that baggage and how to move forward. I like that you touched on JK's family dynamic bc that's an important part of the aftermath. 😊

Echoing what you said about JK being truly lonely. He feels a lot of discomfort sharing parts of him to others; we saw that at the beginning. And now he's losing her, and that's such a big loss for him bc he doesn't do this, he doesn't open up and allow himself to feel. But it's the same with OC. They have so much going on internally and emotionally and it's about figuring how to deal with them and if they think they should do it on their own (again) or not. We do want to see them happy and it'll come! 😉

Pls, never say sorry. I enjoyed reading this. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Sending you love, anon! 🫶🏼🫶🏼 Sorry again for replying so late.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

hii i wanna hear about your fav barbara momentss

(also hope you feel better soon <3)

ohhh i love this question sm !!! i actually have a lot of them. anyway here's the list in random order:

1. all barbara + montoya scenes in s1. they're so fucked up and i was amazed that there's canonical bisexual character in the show. also in love w Barbara smoking weed in Montoya's apartment. she was so real for this (not for weed but depression) 2. that little dialogue between Oz and Barbara, when Oz shows at Barbara's flat to see Gordon. like "Men 🙄" "Don't i know🤗" THESE LOSERS DESERVED TO BE BESTIESSSSS!!! 3. when she visits her parents and they ask her about Jim and Barbara answers that they're happy. for the love of god MY WOMAN IS B RO K EN!!!! i love her. also i love this strain between her and her parents. i wish we saw more of their interactions 4. of course. of fucking course: barbara's psychotherapy session w lee. GREATEST WLW SCENE EVER FILMED!!!

5. okay there's super fucked up scene i don't even remember episode or season (i think it was s3?) anyway. jim had massive hallucination and there was elevator and barbara was in elevator boy uniform AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I DIDN'T KNEW I NEED IT SO BADDDD. oh my god she looked awesome in this scene. also im in love with barbara being character who leads the mc through his consciousness. my girl was the narrative in this scene upd: i found screenshot of this scene!!! it's s3 ep7. i need to rewatch it. probably download and make edit. idk i love her sm here for no reason

6. scene where barbara shot butch at the end of s3. like this is literally peak of female rage and this is so cool that they show that barbara haven't forgot him for assaulting in s1. such a snake move from her. she was waiting this for so long. and she looked so satisfied w herself there. im prod of u girl🙏 7. everything related to her duo with Edward in s3. look at these sneaky pricks. i loved their duo so much i miss them (ofc i felt sorry for Oswald. but they had such chaotic bi swag it's amazing) "let's make gotham BEG" YASSSSSSSSSSSS YOU GO GIRL!!!

8. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. SCENE IN THE NARROWS. IN S4. dear god im eating this scene FOREVER. it makes me feel THINGS. im insane about Lee and Barbara's interaction here. Im insane about Lee here. Im insane about Barbara here. i love their transformation here. both character's and relationship (they almost handled conversation w/o mentioning Jim). also peak of romance. to me. (and kind of. "im a fool to want you" by frank sinatra vibes. to me) and. GREATEST WLW SCENE EVER FILMED N2!!!

9. "Barbara Queen! 🥰" scene. my girl slayed SO HARD. (also it took me to play m2 to understand what "capiche?" means lmao) look. look at her. she's a queen indeed

10. i posted this scene several days ago, anyway. jim visits barbara's club and shots smth, then tabitha raises a gun at him in return. and barbara's annoyed "seriously?" brings me so much joy lmao. she's so done with them

11. her arrival in s4. I LOVEEEEE HER SM IN S4 ITS INSANEEEE. i love everything about her. she's so cold. she looks gorgeus. she's depressed. she's my everything (my pfp speaks for itself lmao���)

12. and when she visits Oswald in s4. i don't remember what happened in this scene but im talking bout this one:

i loooove how calm she is here. and how sassy oswald is she's observing things. she's calculating. i love her

13. of course. of courrrse: bride scene in s2. not to say that i like her in s2 much buuut. this is a certifed thompkean scene and barbara is obviously having psychotic & obsessive episode here and it's so interesting to watch

14. also i remembered scene in gcpd, i believe it was s2? anyway barbara comes to gcpd and calls jim and asks him "how do i look?" i love her outfit and that she beat up Jim after this. also i see parallels w virus!lee coming at gspd in s3. they're so girlfriends (i need to draw this au where they unite against jim ohgodddd) upd. i found someone's edit with this scene:

15. "this woman isabella. nygma said she was a librarian, right? who kills a librarian, i mean what's the motive?" and then she realizes oswald killed isabella. she looks SO HAPPY with herself. "you kn.. you know them!!! 😦😦😃😃" and i think she thought "omg bestie i've done the same thing to my ex!!!!" back then 16. scene in s5 "honey, im still amazing😌" IM IN LOVVVVVE WITH HER THERE. LIKE. OH MY HER VOICE SOUNDS SOOOOOO LOW AND KINDA HOARSELY. YOU CAN TAKE ME NOW. IM ON MY KNEES OH MY GOD. also she looks so good in red 17. s4: "did you guys ordered thai?" "no" "good, cause i don't have any" *shots everyone in the room* i love her being rough and cold sm ohhh 18. when she's entering arkham in s2 having lana del rey vibes. queen 19. also i love these scenes in s1 when she discovers that selina and ivy was living in her apartment. idk there's something so soft about that 20. "disco vampire haircut" of course. iconic scene 21. "remember me?" when Nygma n Barbara took mayor Aubrey hostage. she's so sassy 22. this certifed thompkean scene. ofc. girl youre not fucking normal

23. and this one from s5 which i still haven't watched BUUUT ughhh THEM. wives.

there's more but im tired lmao. anyway i think i love almost every scene w her (except for s2. idk idk her psychotic episode portrayed a lil bit too cartoonish i think? idk this shit is actually way more scary in real life. also highly sexualized relationships w tabitha. i mean its ok if they had mostly sexual relationship and i aprecciate this as aro but y know. it could be portrayed way mooore elegant and subtle. or rough, doesn't matter) and THANK YOU SO MUCH for this ask. she's my comfort character and it's always nice to think about her😫😫💞💞💥💥 and i hope you're doing well too!!! actually thank you for this ask once again thinking bout her made me feel better lmao 😭😭😭

[heartshapedbubble]

HI I ZOOMED AS SOON AS I SAW THE WORD QUICKEST I HOPE IM QUICK ENOUGH HWHSHSBAJAKJAH

So I'm a really quiet introvert for most people. Often, the most you can hear from me are a few words and hums. But actually, there's a lot of things I want to talk about. I just don't have the courage to vocalize them. Because whenever I speak, I stutter and fumble over my words. I'm really embarrassed by that and it resulted to me just staying quiet or anxiously repeating the things I want to say in my head before I say them like a script. That's why I prefer texting texting or writing over face to face communication. But that doesn't mean I don't have fun when talking with someone personally. I do get talkative with people I'm close to because I feel comfortable with them even if I make mistakes in speaking–most of the time atleast.

I'm very ambitious but lazy (hehe sorry). But these days I do try to be productive. Like trying out new sports even though I hardly go outside. And I'm trying to build new habits to improve my skills. But whenever I see someone better than me, it's either I feel motivated to do more or give up.

It's very easy to make me laugh as it is to make me cry. I laugh the simplest and smallest things. Even the ones people don't find that hilarious. And yelling at me or even the slightest change of tone on me would send me tearing up.

I am an emotionally sensitive person, yes. But I do hope that doesn't make me look pathetic.

I am on the path to become a doctor but I haven't decided what kind. But I am considering about studying for psychology.

Now as for preferences, I am fond of space and nature! I think both are equally beautiful and fascinating. I like sweets, especially chocolate but I don't like eating a lot. My favorite type of foods are cold foods and salad! I just think it taste good–and usually healthy! I also like journalism and taking videos/photos of a lot of stuff.

That's all! Sorry if this seems weird or maybe vague.

And Happy Valentine's Day!!

DW ANON!! no shame at all we're all cringe and affection starved here

HAPPY VALENTINES NONNIE !!!!! 💞💞💞

i match you with...

joseph desaulnier! 📷

oh my god he finds you SOSOSO cute you literally turn into putty in his hands

like literally gushing over you and pinching your cheeks whenever you cutely stumble on your words or get red in the face

he's going to give you all the time and comfort in the world to get you to talk and ramble about your interests, he wishes you could speak up for yourself more easily so he's going to assist you whenever needed :<

would absolutely pick you up bridal style and twirl around with you... hehe...

would try to motivate you as much as possible during those lazy days when you don't feel like doing anything - and if it doesn't work? mannnn what a shame (proceeds to pick you up and bring you to his room to cuddle instead)(this is all part of his plan)

i feel like your interests would overlap! he loves listening to you and sharing his bits of knowledge and help whenever possible

yo like.. this man would literally spoon feed you if you're up for that... i feel like he'd have the time of his life just spoiling the shit of his partner

often suprises you w/ bouquets (help did i write it right) of your favourite flowers, small bottles of nice perfumes, trinkets and gadgets related to your interests and obviously your favourite food!! do NOT try to talk him out of doing that tho - the prices don't matter to him, he just wants you treat you well when you're feeling burned out, sad, and even in general

takes pictures of you often and has them pinned all over his studio and even has one that he keeps inside of his coat <3

his favourite thing to do is to tuck your hair away behind your ear and do that thumb stroke thing (YOUKNOWWHATIMTALKINGABOUT) whenever he gets his hands on you

skygazing and herbarium-making dates?????? ummm hell fucking yes

he's deeeeefinetly clingy especially considering what happened to claude. he doesn't like to admit it but he gets a bit whiny when you're not around and often spends hours just holding you in his hands and savoring the feeling of safety he gets from you

is your shoulder to cry on whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or sad, this man would jump in front of a train before ever raising your voice @ you you're so precious and beautiful to him :((

[spookfished]

big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!

[tetsuskei]

risu loved your hot take about smut.

also is it just me or like writing smut has always been relatively easier than fluff or even suggestive banter type shit? because in smut, you can bullet point- yeah they gonna do this and this and this and call it a day but fluff requires some depth. a perfect setting for the fluff or angst to actually be enhanced.

And according to each author’s writing style, they have to add imagery, or like metaphors or engaging dialogues to make it work. For me, when I was writing suggestive/banter related fics for kuroo or gojo, I was staring at the screen in despair so that my brain conjures some smart words or a perfect setting for them to act on. So it was relatively harder for me. And if other authors have faced such similar challenges and yet post majority sfws, you can guess the amount of hardwork they’ve put into it and would love for any sort of appreciation of their work. And

Im not downplaying smut authors by any means, every piece of writing takes up a fair share of effort and even I’ve had my fair share of challenges in writing smut too because firstly I experience high key embarrassment proofreading it and secondly, good smut requires the same criteria too (it’s just sfw fics gets the floor to portray a reader’s personality more than its nsfw counterpart) it’s just we want the audiences to interact with these posts with the same enthusiasm and not read and toss it aside :((

to our dear readers, Lores are fun. Just get yourself out of that sex bubble and you’ll see why a simple fic of having breakfast with nanami in scotland is actually so much fun to read and enjoy

happy reading!!

sami thank u for sending this! providing my thoughts under the cut.

i honestly am shocked by how many ppl commented on that. (someone said i was ‘insulting the intelligence of those who only read smut’ and was being ‘misogynistic’. i didn’t intend to do that, and think my words were taken out of context by that point, but it is what it is now.)

i do agree that with smut if i have an idea of the dynamic i want and what the characters might be into, i can plan a course of action for what is going to happen. sometimes i start w smut and then incorporate the plot later tbh.

you’re absolutely right, there’s nothing wrong with reading and writing smut. no one is any better if they don’t read smut than those who do. personally my comment was only towards the select who constantly intake content on here and aren’t always careful about what they read. even heavily more so towards the porn link posts too. hence why my original comment said ‘some’ because obviously it doesn’t apply to everyone.

i really do admire those who are able to world build so fluently and with great detail whether that is in smut or not. i agree with your point that it may be a bit more complicated to build a story without smut if you’re focusing more on characterization, personality, and setting. smut pieces that bring this to the table seem like the longer ones for the most part, but that doesn’t mean shorter ones can’t either. also i know it’s another tricky thing to mention is how people go about making their reader with personality or not bc ppl complain anyway anyhow when there’s something they can’t identify with.

at the end of the day i just wish to keep supporting ppls writing in general but also wish the tumblr community was more friendly like it used to be. a lot of ppl seem discouraged lately about their writing and i hope that things can get better soon.

(btw breakfast with nanami in scotland sounds heavenly! pls sign me up immediately <3)

[fleshrenderturbine]

idk why hes poking at u for being childish and edgy lol. bro has no place to be like "hurrr ur edgy" when he's a stereotypical gore-loving sanrio and gloomy bear edgelord

Big unintentional tangent coming up, i've got nothing to do this hour so I ended up spilling feelings/reminescent thoughts from the day But yeeeeeeeah I mean there's nothing wrong w/liking said things, I AM edgy and proudly cringe to be fair but i tend to flip flop between dark aesthetics and then weird angelic surreal aesthetics because. It's cool. It's what I identify with personally for a variety of reasons. As for the roblox + childish quip, I never got to enjoy dumb games/stuff like roblox as a kid and I think there's smth nice with indulging in little happy stuff as an adult, like yea i have my dumb happy indulgent side but I also am heavily focused on self-improvement outside of this, obviously like everyone else im also flawed but I really like tackling it and im finally doing better in life now after my own escape with abusive family, but it was hell to get out of and I also got lucky. I might complain about my past (it was bad and ofc i have residual problems, its still fresh) but i do acknowledge that besides the problems said past has loaded me with mentally, im doing much better for myself now and almost completely individualized, I drive, work, and am pretty independant despite how childish i may appear, sure. But on this topic again iirc Spencer age regresses and stuff + plays roblox too. A LOT of adults play fortnite, minecraft, roblox ect nowadays they're just stupid fun games, idc. As long as ur not being weird on the platform cus good grief roblox is bad with that.

People will hound and pick apart anything for insults-sake just because they dont like you despite anything ironic about it, and it really shows here. I can dig into him if i wanted to and embarass the fuck out of him w/what I know, but it's old and I dont think reflects his current persona despite him playing down how big it actually was to look better. You can tear just about anyone down if you know how to depending on what material you have to go off of, all I did was change my desc to a link to a song I liked, threw on a pfp, and bam they rip into it.. which despite how tame / relaxed my main is, it just goes to show that I was right to remain anon. Regardless I won't go out of my way to insult like that, just bluff about it (obviously). There's truly nothing constructive in insulting that kind of thing and anyone who has eyes can see the hypocrisy even if they like the guy but won't say it. That itself is embarassing to anyone watching. This is off topic, but while I'm here im still cringing at the "if you wanna talk to him you'll have to go through me ):<" big baddie viktor persona or friend or alter in his account whoever that was attempting to intimidate me. Wow. Now IRONICALLY the problem to me is that if I spoke directly, i'd be chill + almost too chill despite how harsh i've been here. I have a side of myself that is very, very dedicated to helping the right people if they listen and genuinely wish to help themselves. I helped myself escape my situation ofc, helped my partner, I helped 3 people deemed irredeemable elsewhere, (arguably who didnt need help, and I understand why theyd be hated for xyz plus i'd emphazise to them that if they want to change, they have to see what others hate about them and agree its rational. I dont believe in people becoming the worst versions of themsleves and hurting others in the future if it can be stopped) I generally know how to help people look for resources but sometimes it is really hard depending on your personal case. That said as well i can also be rage bent and chase anyone who I think escaping, identifying with the same behavior after knowing better, and choosing to be miserable. I LOATHE people like that and it absoloutely shows. I'll reiterate on this but I used to be similar to him until my 4th and most effective therapist called me out on it. I was pissed initially but then overtime i learned that damn ok, she's actually right. I blame a lot of my own personal growth on her help. Sometimes being 100% gentle isn't going to work but neither is beating someone to death ofc. I also think there's a difference between sugarcoating vs. dead-honest critisism, I like the latter. This is going to sound harsh but generally; I dont want you to prove to me how inhibited you are or how bad you have it to make a point to me and garner sympathy from those around you. There's been enough of that. It's def good to vent but theres a difference here im trying to make clear - after a select few instances, its very obvious for me and others that Spencer has learned how to profit and gain a following from acting pathetic, lying, and playing up what he seems to go through to garner an overprotective circle in a way. Its good to have a support group, always, but this feels different. IM NOT SAYING HE WILL REMAIN THIS WAY. I HOPE HE DOESNT. Im simply calling it out and im sure despite the song and dance on main he knows what i mean.

I want to see motivation to grow instead of choosing to wallow in misery, it might suck for awhile to brave through what you're enduring but you'll thank yourself later for sure. My talk with ybt also showed to me that I dont think these people know what they're doing w/resources, honestly. But again what I want to see self respect and TRUE admittance to ones mistake. People do not know how actively damaging it is to choose to play up their misery to a level thats unrealistic and isnt actually reflecting what they're going through for pity/donations/etc. (disclaimer, I will say a lot of the time you dont even know you're doing it but i have reason to believe he should know) i've been that way myself before, so I do know what it's like. I just got very lucky with my resources last year and someone irl who helped me out. I have a bad habit of also suddenly becoming way too soft when communicating with people like this. Probably bcs due to [insert disorder here] and i'd take on the "oh everything is ok now!" type of tone and regretting it later like i have before bcs I will fail to really hammer in what I need to, thus rendering the conversation ineffective and possibly being taken advantage of. I'd go on but itsssss.. intricate and tedious to get into. I can ramble forever if im given the stage. Whoops.

[adalanaisdying]

Rant

~

~

Tell me why whenever someone tells me they like me or whatever they immediately get so ugly to me and I start being repulsed by them

Like wtf is wrong with me ????

This is specifically men tho btw i haven’t experienced this w women but no I am not a lesbian so don’t start. Im pan.

But Fr like, im kinda talking to this guy I met on tinder and im now like super annoyed and slowly getting repulsed by him?? Which is interesting cuz usually it’s immediately but maybe it’s slower cuz I swiped right after initially finding him decently attractive ? Idk.

Idk it’s so complicated. Like I could psychoanalyze it and stuff but I literally just ??? Like idk. I don’t have the mental energy to try and figure out another behaviour of mine on my own in my head.

But overall I think it’s a mix of a few things—- the first being that I feel like none of the people around me are good enough for me or like, I’m just straight up not attracted to anyone in my life rn. And so it’s like when someone confesses feelings for me I’m like, sorry what?? U think you’re good enough to be with me??? And Ik that’s not a good trait but I legit dk how to stop it. But I also think like, it’s not the worst thing in the world for me? Cuz I have a rly RLY bad history of being with people who are so shitty and not good enough for me and etc etc and this is kinda like me realizing my own worth in a way?? I just wish I could be less gross and toxic about it. The second thing is that I feel like I need to be with someone very obviously hotter and better than my ex. Because I feel the need to prove my worth and that I’m not his anymore by doing exceptionally better than him. Which tbh is legit anyone given the fact that he a nearly middle aged pedophile broke coke addict. But still. Idk. I have this weird image/idea of him in my head I can’t kick because of shit. And ig that’s why I feel like no one is better than him ig. And also that I compare legit everyone and everything to him even though he’s a literal sack of shit. The third I think is that I just don’t want to be in a relationship rn maybe?? Like I’m happy by myself. Like yeah it would be really nice to have someone and sex and everything but I feel like I’m just in a spot rn where I just like, don’t want to focus on dating or even have the energy to do that. And I also really don’t want to meet someone online cuz god it’s so hard and such a confidence killer cuz everyone on there just wants one mf thing like 99% of the time and if they don’t I’m not attracted to them. But legit always the second I start focusing on myself a million ppl always find their way into my life and catch feelings etc and I’m just like … what???? Idfk man. But also I feel like I just don’t have the emotional capacity rn to have strong romantic feelings for someone? Like I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to genuinely like someone. So I guess I’m just super horny and rly want sex. But I’m also not gonna go have a one night stand or fuck someone random etc cuz I only have one body and it’s my pedo ex and it took me a YEAR of his shit to finally sleep with him so I’m like, yeah that’s not gonna work for me. To have sex I need to be in love with someone deadass. And with them long term. This is so fucking annoying. But also whatever it’s not rly that big of a deal I’m just super annoyed by it all.