#and I can usually find lots of better ways to vent my frustrations so I'm fine in the long run

[loregoddess]

Your response to my other post made me curious why you want to fight Capcom and Konami.

I'm willing to share the tea if you want to serve it. Hehe

Oh it's nothing actually that serious, bc I don't know the ins and outs of like, the working conditions or anything, it's more just how they handle their popular video game series that I find...baffling to put it mildly.

Also I use the phrase "I'd fight [insert whomever]" a lot as an exaggeration that can mean anything from "I was mildly annoyed by this thing" to "I legitimately think this is an issue of some sort but not one so serious that I can't joke about it a bit" and my qualms with both companies are far closer to the former than the latter. Ironically, despite my use of violent language, I am not a violent person by nature, and I don't actually want to fight anyone.

Basically, I'm frustrated with management decisions, things like series getting dropped entirely, or how changing up a dev team can derail the story trajectory for a game series. But I also don't actually like, care that much bc I've got more important problems. So when I say I would fight [insert game company], it's specifically coming from a place of "what the fresh heck are you doing??" But it's. Also literally just game stuff. Like it isn't super serious or important or anything, it's me being annoyed with fiction entertainment, and honestly I try not to spend a lot of energy thinking about it most of the time bc like, I can just go do other stuff that brings me joy instead.

[kiki-writes-stuff]

𝐓𝐞𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐓𝐞𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : fluff

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : none

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐥: please note that I'm a manhwa only, so my perception of the boys is based solely on what we've seen up till chapter 60 of the manhwa and researching their wiki pages and mbtis (studied for it like a damn test omg 😭).

a/n: this was inspired by this fic by @starry-nights-garden, ik ya'll are here for testar and not ateez, but they're an amazing author so if you happen to be an atiny do check them out!

𝐁𝐚𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐣𝐢𝐧:

Always puts you first

This may seem like something to be expected in any healthy relationship, but our little baby hamster takes it to a whole other level

He’s very shy and hesitant at first

But once he gets comfy with you and gains a little more confidence in his understanding of you and your needs…

Ooooooh boy you better prepare yourself

You mention in passing that you’re bored? He’s already running through his schedule in his head to try and find an opening so he can swing by your place with a list of activities he thinks you might enjoy

Something happened to upset you? He’s all ears, will find a way to slip out of practice just so he can videocall you and listen to you vent to get it out of your system 

You miss him? He’s honestly upset with himself for not realising he’s neglected you sooner, immediately drops whatever he can to make time for you

I still feel like he’d overthink and second guess himself a lot tho :(( always worries that maybe he isn’t giving you what you need, or that he’s too much or too little :((

So please give this baby lots of smiles and assurance! He needs to know that he’s reading your cues right, and that what he’s doing genuinely makes you happy

Because your happiness is always his top priority

𝐑𝐲𝐮 𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐰𝐨𝐨

Taking care of you

Now, one thing I’ve noticed about our boy Chungwoo is that he’s got a really strong sense of responibility and obligation, and I’m sure that’s something that would carry into the way he treats his partner

He sees it as his duty to make sure that you’re safe and comfortable at all times

The kinda guy to treat sidewalk and door rules like Law

If anything’s bothering you he makes it his personal mission to fix the problem

Which causes some friction at the beginning of your relationship because sometimes he can be a bit much about it

Like offering slightly unsolicited and overly practical advice 

That friend’s been giving you a hard time? Just ditch em cuz they obviously don’t deserve someone as amazing as you 🙄😮‍💨

Or blaming himself and getting frustrated if he can’t do anything to help fix the problem 

But eventually you talk it out, and once you assure him that it isn’t his job to make everything okay, and that he already helps you so much by being there to support you, he concedes and learns to be more chill about it

Still gets upset when you’re upset

But he knows to channel it in healthier ways now

Like helping you out with little chores when you’re stressed, checking in and offering to take care of more tedious things like laundry and groceries when he can

He never asks for anything in return because it’s HIS job to look after YOU

But is still absolutely not so secretly over the moon whenever you reciprocate that energy

Kicking his feet and giggling kinda happy that one time you dropped by the practice room to bring him lunch (bonus points if you made it yourself!)

𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐡𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧:

Little things

My baby 🥺💕

My sweet precious little faerie prince 🥹✨️🌸

He’s gentle and soft in the way he loves you

But dear god it could not be less subtle 

Will bring you these random little gifts

Usually food (snacks, chocolates, coffee, milkshakes, muffins)

But sometimes it’s just things that reminded him of you

Like a stuffed animal that looked just like you, a sticker sheet in your favorite color, a keychain of a character you love, a postcard with a picture that made him think of you

Sends you texts throughout the day too

Pictures of flowers, the sky, a book he thinks you might like, a cute cat he saw on the way to the studio, a selfie Eugene forcibly took with him

Little reminders to eat, stay hydrated, “The weather report says it’ll be a bit colder than usual and that it might rain today, please make sure you dress warmly and bring an umbrella with you!”

Will randomly ramble about how much he loves you when he thinks knows you’re asleep or busy so you won’t read the texts till later

“I saw this quote on pinterest earlier today about how ‘intimacy is safety’ and I just wanted to tell you that that’s what you are to me. I always feel safe and comfortable when I’m with you, like there’s no one else in the world but us and I don’t have to worry about saying the right words or being misunderstood because I know our hearts are both fluent in silence, and as soon as I’m with you I’m home.” 

He thinks of these things when he’s with you tbh, like when you’re having coffee together and he watches the way you laugh and scrunch your nose when you smile

But he’s worried that if he tries to say it it’ll come out wrong :((

So he sets the feeling aside and it ends up accumulating into this neverending well of love and affection that he just HAS to let out somehow

So, basically, you’re on his mind 24/7 and he needs you to know that

You’re such a wonderful person ofc you deserve to know how loved you are :((

And so does he!! He’ll get all shy and squirm a bit whenever you tell him how much he means to you, or when you lean your head on his shoulder and thread your fingers through his own

But he’s smiling and blushing

If he’s feeling brave he’ll bring your hand up to his lips and kiss your knuckles

Adbhsafwilfhawliu I’m just so soft for him I’m sorry 

𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐣𝐢𝐧:

Makes you laugh

There’s nothing he loves more than hearing you absolutely lose it

Even if you say you sound like dying frogs trapped in a windshield wiper

Will insist that it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard

He’s lying, it’s not

But it makes him so happy to hear you so what does it matter?

The way your ears turn red and your face flushes as you try to hide it in a pillow or your hands

Or better yet his shoulder or chest

Sejin absolutely has physical touch as a love language 

His favorite thing is the way you cling to him when you laugh

Even if it means you hit him a few times in the process

Because sometimes a lot of the time once you’ve calmed down you don’t really move

You stop putting all your weight on him sure

But you stay tucked into his side and he gets to put an arm around you and look at the way your eyes are still sparkling and your lips are pulled into this giant grin

Bonus points if you’re shorter than him and he can look down at you without you really noticing 

Our boy is whipped

But not whipped enough to spare you from tickle fights 

If you’re a ticklish person he can and will use that to his advantage 

There have been one or two occasions where it got really intense and someone hit the other person in the nose or kneed them in the stomach

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐞:

Makes time for you

Listen

Listen 

This boy is literally singing and dancing for his LIFE okay

He’s a twenty nine year old in the body of a 20 year old with the soul of a sixty seven year old man

He doesn’t have time for all this trivial nonsense

…………….

Unless ofc you wanna go to that cute cafe you mentioned last week

Or that movie you really wanted to see is coming out this Friday

And yk if you really must have that spa day where you spend hours doing his nails and putting on face masks….

Who is he to deny you?

Sometimes his poker face does bother you

You’ll be rambling about something or enthusiastically making plans

When you suddenly realise he hasn’t said anything in a while

You feel bad and backtrack, apologising and saying you’re probably boring him or rushing into plans when he’s already so busy with performances and practice and whatnot

He actually looks surprised 

Quickly tells you you have nothing to be sorry for, he loves listening to you talk :((

And he’ll set aside time so you guys can go do the thing, ofc he will when you’re so excited about it >:((

He’s so matter of fact and blunt about it that there isn’t much room for doubt, and you’re back to happily telling about whatever it is that’s got your interest this week

Except this time, if you’re really paying attention

There’s this tiny smile resting contentedly on his face

Everything else can wait just a bit, just for a little while longer

𝐂𝐡𝐚 𝐄𝐮𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞:

Is your personal hype man!!

Eugene is one of the most passionate people in any universe, and he’s pretty straightforward when it comes to voicing his thoughts

So there’s no way he’s not the most vocal partner ever 

Whatever it is, whether you’re hitting an important academic/professional milestone or working hard for a personal goal, he’s right there cheering you on

Will catch you off guard sometimes though

Like he’ll suddenly get all serious, and tell you in the most sincere tone of voice you could imagine that he’s really proud of you

Before grinning and grabbing your hands

Will swing them back and forth while talking about how lucky he is to have such an amazing s/o

One of his favorite things is when you’re trying to choose an outfit for something and he gets a personal fashion show

He’s not really all that into fashion himself but he loves seeing all the outfits you come up with

Applauds and wolf whistles every time you step out

Except when he doesn’t 

There have been times where he goes quiet and says he doesn’t like an outfit

Confuses you because excuse?? You KNOW it looks good on you???

After some interrogation he grudgingly admits that it does look amazing on you… He just doesn’t want anyone else to see you in it 

He knows you’re a grown adult who can wear whatever they want wherever they want

But he still gets just a little bit jealous

You’re so gorgeous he can’t help it :((

After some cheek kisses and assurance he’s all good tho

10/10 would have an album on his phone that’s just pictures of you

𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐑𝐚𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐧:

Includes you

My precious bby pt.2 🥹✨️

Now, we all know that Raebin is our little producer genius and very much introverted 

So when inspiration strikes and he’s caught up in the thick of it, he can sort of retreat into his own little world

And when he’s all tired from being around the other members and fans all day

He loves having you there with him

You don’t have to be doing anything in particular together, definitely don’t have to be talking (he loves you but his social battery can only take so much)

He just wants to know you’re close :((

He won’t be the one to instigate, but his brain fizzles into static noise for a second or two if you pull up a chair beside him (which is in there especially for you btw) and curl up next to him 

Doing work on your laptop, reading a webtoon on your phone, or reading a book 

You make eye contact when he looks over and you guys share a small smile :((

He’s so happy that you’re comfortable enough in his space to treat it as your own

Does the same if he’s in your space 

You could be sitting on your bed and he’ll sleepily shuffle into your room

If he’s awake enough he might stand just inside the door and knock a bit on the doorframe just to get your permission before walking in

But if he’s real tired and you guys have been together for a while baby feels so comfy and safe he briefly forgets manners and propriety and walks right in

Flops onto the bed beside you and lays his head on your tummy or thigh depending on how you’re sitting 

Falls asleep almost instantly if you start running your fingers through his hair 

Remember to reblog, comment, and like! Feedback is always appreciated, support your authors loves, don't be a stranger ૮꒰˶ ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶꒱ა

[magewolf-the-artist]

Yeah so I decided to update Susan's ref sheet because oh my god it's so fucking ugly-

But yeah, I'm much more satisfied with this one because I've developed my style for drawing these fuckers a lot better and the pose radiates more personality.

Old ref: https://www.tumblr.com/magewolf-the-artist/743345425139040256/on-this-episode-of-walten-files-brainrot-heyyyyyy?source=share

Here's her bio with a couple add-ons:

Apparently she's British (Her accent is still a mystery to me but I've seen a couple people say this so ehhhh). So my headcanon is that her family immigrated to the US when she was four, so while she does have an accent, she doesn't really say any slang. Occasionally she might call someone a twit (affectionate) or a twat (derogatory), but that's about it.

At some point during her fun little maze adventure, the neck cables that held up the animatronic head snapped due to the constant pressure of Susan's broken ass neck forcing her head to loll to the side. While at the facility she found that she can use metal ties to hold the cables upright. She has to tighten them constantly though or else her vision will be forced into portrait mode

Ashley fixed the cable while she, Kevin, and Hilary were there and Susan is forever grateful to her

She probably accidently breaks it again through something stupid like bumping her head against the door frame or something and boy oh boy was she PISSED

On that topic, she tries her best to upkeep her and everyone else's bodies but there's only so much she can do with limited tools and slightly worse motor skills (imagine doing a task that requires very precise movements through winter gloves and you'll pretty much get the idea)

She refuses to repair Bon though and tells him to figure it out himself.

She's become way more snappy, short tempered, and easily frustrated after her death. Trauma, baby!

Susan kinda acts as a shoulder to vent to whenever anyone needs to talk. She can’t really offer much in response or comfort since A, she’s the type to push things away and compartmentalize, and B… well, she can’t exactly promise everything’s gonna be okay, now can she? Still, sometimes it’s nice to just talk

Some days though she just kinda… shuts down emotionally. Just kinda lays on the floor and can’t find any motivation to get up or do anything. Thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, staring blankly into space

Charles usually stays with her during these episodes and depending on the day, he either just sits with her quietly or rambles about random shit like he did when they were alive

Her sleep schedule was super fucked up when they all came to the facility because she was used to being up and around at night. It's gotten better but she still sometimes wakes up buttfuck early and has come to appreciate the serenity of the nights (RETCONNED)

Probably the most casual about her death, as opposed to Rosemary's crying and Charles desperately trying to change the subject

She walks with a very distinctive shuffle, something she picked up from her fun little maze adventure because the weird shuffle walk helped lessen the pain she put herself through and conserved energy. It used to be a lot more pronounced but it's faded slightly overtime

Usually hangs out with Charles

Is constantly exasperated by Charles' antics

To pass the time she either plays card games with Charles or organizes the tools in the maintenance closet

She tried to talk to Rosemary when they were first brought to the K-9 facility but only got silence in return. She's kinda just given up now and mostly leaves her alone

Is the most familiar with Bon's abilities and didn't even bother trying to escape the facility because she knew it was futile

Helps coach everyone but Rocket on how to move

When helping Ashley figure out to move she probably made an off-handed comment like, "if you think that's hard, imagine having to learn how to do this while being alive" and only realized Ashley had no context for that when she gave her a very confused and worried look

Hates Bon's guts and is usually annoyed/angry with him

She also hates Felix's guts, but everyone does so it's not anything special.

[saltynsassy31]

no cus i totally understand your frustration, ive also quit splatfests for the moment until they get an overhaul

i suggest if you feel close to getting hateful to either shiver or shiver fans then maybe quit for a while for your own sake cus ive felt a lot better after doing so, im still really sensitive to negative comments towards frye or rude ones about shiver winning but taking some time for myself has made me feel infinitely better

ive been close to hating shiver before bc of how cocky and rude them and their fans can be but it doesnt really do anything but sour your enjoyment of the game more, so its really not worth it

i do have to say though, anyone who says "its just a game" reaaally needs to understand the frustration of people OTHER than them, sympathy is something a lot of people forget about when it comes to things that arent real life. just because it doesnt affect you doesnt mean everyone can shut off their attachment to the game or a character like a light switch; a lot of the time you dont know whats going on with them. i myself am really attached to frye cus i am hashtag autism creature and he brings me comfort, so anyone being rude to me about shiver winning really REALLY gets under my skin. its not entirely (if they were serious, if they werent then its not at all) their fault, but nintendo fixing the frustration of splatfests constantly keeling in one direction (which theyre supposed to do anyways but they havent) would definitely fix the issue. we need to find a way to have nintendo fix this, not attack anyone else for what bundle of pixels and text theyre attached to.

not everyone has really thick skin and if we want splatoon 3 to be more hospitable then we should try to cut down on the general splatfest bullassery in public spaces (being overly cocky and rude/blaming others in a way with no basis or truth behind it). its not something everyone can always do since we arent all perfect, but if we make steps in that direction then we could help more people enjoy the splatoon community rather than being eaten up by toxicity and spite

i didnt word all of this entirely correctly so like interpret ad best as you can cus im eepy but yeah.

a fye for u to enjoy (also ur anon is off btw)

u dont have to but for the sake of not being harrassed id appreciate if u didnt tag with public tags

👏👏 PREACH

I don't want to quit playing it, I do enjoy splatfests, to a certain extent, i like going with my friends and i made a lot of new friends through it, it's like, the online community that I'm having a problem with

I don't hate shiver, I thought I did but I can't, she is still a comfort character (tho Frye is like, my obsession besides being my comfort character cuz I am also part part the 'tism XD), in a way, I like her dynamic with the group at least, she annoys me, yes, very much so, but I don't hate her

And I don't hate people who like her either

Who I do hate is people being mean about it, I had turned off anon cuz of a stupid person who was going around every frye support account anonymously just saying mean stuff and praising shiver as the best, I just forgot to turn it on, so thanks for reminding me 😅

Saying that "It's just a game" is so annoying to, tell that to the football fans, they go just as crazy if not more so

Splatfests are ment to be fun! You should be able to enjoy the splatfest without having to worry about people fighting

I don't like fighting with people, I hate how angry I become, how mean I can sound sometimes, I usually just vent without interacting

At least she won in Japan, so that is one other win under her belt, I just wish she'd win more in the future 😔

Oh also I almost didn't participate in this splatfest either and I did only because I haven't had time to play and I haven't finished my catalogue yet 😅 I usually use splatfests to up my catalogue quicker lmao

Also, don't worry, I won't tag anything that could get you harassed, if anything does happen, please block for your health, I don't want anything happening to you, you seem very sweet ;w;

Edit: also YOUR FRYE PLUSH IS SO CUTE! I've been seeing people get her but idk where to buy her!!!! Where'd you get it? :0

[charliesinfern0]

my osomatsu-san oc, Ai! :D

more details for her under the cut! :3

She's 5 ft 4 in (i hc the matsuno bros to be 5 ft 7 in, so shes 3 inches shorter than them ^^)

Her outfits come in different colors! Her shirt and socks can be either black or white, and her dress can be blue, red, purple, pink, yellow, green, or black! :) (also her shirt can be short sleeve or long sleeve, and her socks can be thigh high, knee high, or ankle high!)

Initially did not intend for her to have connections to the moon (part of her last name 'Tsuki' means moon, the bunny charm on her phone) but in the middle of making this ref i was like 'eh why not'

Dekapan is the one that created her, so hes kind of like her weird dad

She has a big crush on Ichimatsu, but to be honest she has a crush on all of the Matsuno bros hehe

She moved away from Akatsuka to go to college, but moved back to do some of her studying and assignments back home (also she was feeling very homesick)

A running gag is that her major changes each time she talks about it (in the beach episode she says her major is photography, in the super detergent episode she says her major is painting, continues ad nauseam)

Her favorite season is winter! (fall is second, spring is third, summer is fourth)

I'm mainly refering to her with she/her pronouns right now, but she also uses they/them and it/its!

Her relationships with the characters:

Osomatsu: He just loooves hanging out with her lolol whenever they all hang out in a group Osomatsu is the first to try and take a spot next to her. They're usually on the same wavelength, always able to connect with each other, but sometimes Ai can get pretty fed up with whatever antics he tries to pull. He always ends up getting nervous whenever they have one of their deep one-on-one talks.

Karamatsu: Ai loves his "painfulness", but she sometimes has her limits lol. Usually tries to help him write songs, and they like to sing together. They're both very supportive of each other, playing off of each other's energy.

Choromatsu: He tries to be so polite and formal in front of her despite knowing her since they were kids. Ai tries to get him to loosen up, and he's gotten a bit better at being himself in front of her.

Ichimatsu: They're in loooooove, they wanna kiiiiiiss~ ehehe, but besides that they both connect with the fact that they love their quiet time, and also cats. Ai is very understanding and patient, and that both comforts ichimatsu and freaks him the hell out.

Jyushimatsu: Ai cannot keep up with him, but she tries. At least he helps her stay active! They just both like making each other happy, whether that means going out to play baseball, or staying inside and doing some paper craft (with Ichimatsu's assistance)

Todomatsu: Besties :3 they message each other a lot, and Todomatsu is always lowkey asking her out to do things with him. Usually though, either just the two of them go out or Totty's older brothers end up tagging along. They mutually vent to each other sometimes just to let out some frustration, and they trust each other enough to keep secrets between them.

Totoko: Good friends, though they don't always see eye to eye. But thats mostly because of confusion on Ai's part at the antics Totoko tries to pull. She thinks its really cool that Totoko is an idol, and Totoko always insists that Ai could be one too, but they both dont want her to be one for different reasons (Totoko thinks that Ai would be more popular than her, and Ai doesn't like the idea of singing in front of big crowds)

Iyami: She thinks he's skeevy as hell, not much else to say. Always finds a way to get angry at him, even if he hasnt done anything wrong (at the moment)

Chibita: Also good friends, they both admire each other for what they do. She always leaves a big tip whenever she eats at his oden stand to show her appreciation (and to hopefully make up for the sextuplets' tab they have yet to pay)

Matsuyo and Matsuzo: They love her, don't know what their sons did to deserve such a nice friend who is also a girl (kind of). They simultaneously hope that she could maybe start dating one of their sons, and also think that she could do so much better lol Ai is always bringing them gifts and helps around the house, she almost gave them a heart attack when they came home to a squeaky clean kitchen after Ai and the sextuplets had made dinner together for them ^^

Dekapan and Dayon: Her creator and his weird maid/friend/lover? They're basically her weird estranged dads. They barely interact, except for rare moments when she needs emergency maintenance

[exquisite-peculiarity]

Personal medical vent- I will pronably delete in the next day or so.

Tomorrow I go to the rheumatologist, and I'm really nervous. I went into the doctor a while ago about constant joint and body pain. I got blood work done, and it showed a really high ANA count, which is an autoimmune indicator, as well as some other worrying things. I've been on a wait list for some time, and I finally get to see the specialist who can hopefully tell me what is happening 😓

My regular doctor said at this point that the most likely case appeared to be Lupus, or a similar/related disorder.

It's so weird to have the rest of my life just... hanging in the balance. There's nothing I can do differently at this point, just find out what they tell me, and treat it as well as I can, but it's stressful knowing that basically all the options of things it could be are painful, incurable, and life long.

Maybe I'm overreacting. I can't tell.

It's changed the way I think about ability because my physical ability is diminishing, and I find that really scary. Disability is a weird thing to come to terms with, especially because at this point, it's not /that/ bad, but also, it kind of is? I can't do things I used to be able to. Things that people my age can usually do easily are hard for me. I hurt a lot. I take a lot of breaks. When I come home from work, I limp and don't want to move around much, if I can help it. It makes me sad. I'm accepting that disability is a part of my life and will continue to be. What will treatment look like? Will it improve my quality of life?

I don't need mobility aids at this time, but will I soon? How fast will this progress? What if it doesn't, and it just stays like this? I don't even know what realistic expectations and goals look like right now.

I think I need to quit my job, it's too physical for me, but if I do, will the physical ability I have disappear faster?

If I get on medication, will I be able to paint again without hurting? What will the side effects be? They're bad on all the related medications that I've seen.

What if I mentally prepare for all this, and they give me a medication that makes it all better without any side effects. That's unrealistic, but do I hope for that? If I get that, what will I do with all this nervous energy I have built up?

Then what if it's really bad, what then? My insurance is connected to the job that I love, that I really enjoy doing, but that's hurting me. How long does it take to get on insurance at a new job? How do I even try to get into an industry i know nothing about, because all my adult work experience is in fields that are too physically demanding for me. I'm 27. I didn't expect this yet.

What if they can't figure out what's going on, or they tell me nothing is wrong. I know something is wrong, and I've got high ANA numbers, so they know something is wrong too, but what if they say there's nothing to be done, and just leave me to get worse? This is so frustrating.

[rey-jake-therapist]

I don't if this is allowed but I kinda want to vent a bit after seeing all this drama today, and I've sent an ask before about theories. I'm hoping since they blocked me they won't see this I'm kind of neutral to all of this and there's some points on both sides that I agree, as well as disagree with. But the one thing that really kind of feels depressing is... seeing that those people in that discord are writers that I really liked. It's like, seeing someone I admired and a source of aspiration for me turn out to be unapproachable and not who I thought they were. I guess it's also my bad for putting people on a pedestal just because I admire what they do. In the end it hurt me in the end I think that more than anything made me sad. It's one of those kind of things where you saw something and you wish you never discovered it. I felt like Eve after she bit the apple and it's an awful feeling. Also for the record, when I saw that post about the 'antis' disguised as fake shippers, it never occurred to me that it is the people who's stories I was enjoying. That's why I was able to scroll past it without really thinking about it. I just thought it was one of those blogs that ship haladriel AND sauron with brimby/another male character (cause I've been in fandoms where a female character is absolutely hated because she 'got in the way'). I never even thought it had to do with her canon husband. I don't really care about him this way or another (hence why I didn't even know it was about him), I don't check his tag even though I don't have the word blocked (since it's not a trigger like bl00d or g0re). But I guess someone did see the post about antis and the one about him and it caused a visceral reaction? Usually when I see something like that that I feel 'ok i must say something i need to' i just make my own post. I already struggle with being assertive so it's eye-opening for me when I see other people have no problem going onto other blogs just to say something. In the end, I feel like the best course of action is to not interact with posts that trigger you. I don't feel like that's the right move. Even if you have something to say that is true and reasonable, it's very hard to change people's minds in their space. Also, I won't say that I think it's right to paint haladriels one way or another, or to assume something because they like x or y character, or are not opposed to it. <-- I'm not preaching just kind of typing out my own thoughts cause this is how I work out my feelings. I feel like the part that got some people upset is when the line is crossed between talking about a ship/character to the people behind it. I feel like that's what rubbed them the wrong way, and I do agree a bit. It makes me mad when I see poeple on reddit dismiss haladriels as 'teenage hormonal girls who just want the hot bad guy to screw them so they can project their fantasies onto tolkien's work' because that's def not what we are. Anyway, my vent got really long and I'm apologizing because I don't mean cry ugly on anyone's shoulder. I feel better now after typing all this. I hope I don't piss anyone off, and.. while I said what I said about the writers, I'm still choosing to read and review and show support for their stories as a fellow haladriel. I just wish we could all do better and find other outlets for frustration that doesn't involve talking about people and their opinions (this goes both ways). In the same vein, I'm still going to show support and like meta stuff that I find interesting and be supportive of haladriel content creators. Much love, peace! Thanks for listening to me an keeping your inbox open on anon! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Hey ! Thank you for choosing me, anon, it means that you probably trust me not to be rude or judgemental, and it means a lot :) I must say I was a bit afraid to let my inbox opened for anon messages at the beginning, but except for a few bad apples it's nothing but a lovely experience so far.

Yeah today's events were... something. I usually stay away from fandom dramas, whenever I see a fight over fictional characters I look away and mind my own business tbh. It just seems very silly to me to attack someone over their opinion on fiction, when it's so easy to just block or mute.

Yesterday, I made an exception to my rule because I saw a fellow shipper, who happens to be one of my favorite Tumblr persons as well, getting ganged by people who attacked her like a bunch of hyenas. And it was happening because she said something about a character which made them feel personnally attacked, while it was (presumably) not about them. It was straight out bullying, and all this drama could have been avoided if they had just clicked on the "block" button. You don't like a person's tone ? Just block, it's not even worth spending more than 0.1 second on it ! Launching a bullying campaign over one person is not the way. At least, that's my personal opinion on this matter, I'm sure it's not that popular otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation...

Now I'm not going to tell you or anyone else, "don't read their fics !", "don't talk to them !", "block them all !". I personally choose to do that, because they personnally attacked me as well in their little group chats, and I don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. But I'm not the fandom police, and I'm the mother of only one child who doesn't even grasp what a fandom and Tumblr are. I wouldn't even fathom telling anyone how they should feel about this whole thing.

In other words, you do you. At the end, it was just a silly drama over nothing. It makes me sad, because I blocked people who I know ship Haladriel. It's a small fandom already and since yesterday, it got even smaller for me :(

[history-detective]

BlackStar ~Theater Starless translation

Season 1 – Episode 8:

Chapter 4 – (B) Side stories

Sorry this is a long one~

Side B - 6: Don't be afraid of making a decision.

(Qu, Sin, MC)

Sin: ....Did you come?

MC: He...hello.

MC: ( That shocked me!)

Qu: Wow, I feel refreshed. That was a tough pace, but it was fun.

Sin:......No, as long as you can find meaning in chasing the cold wintry wind, it doesn't matter.

Qu: Oya, MC, did you come?

MC: Ah, hello have you been somewhere?

Qu: I just went jogging for a while. I sweated so much, that I needed I shower.

MC: Did you go jogging around here?

Qu: I went in the garden. There is a running course over there.

Qu: Sin's pace is surprisingly fast. I was doing my best to keep up.

Qu: It was faster than usual, wasn't it? Is something wrong?

Sin: Nothing passes through a tube full of suffering. Only the wind that echoes in the void can reach the truth.

Qu: Uhh, umm....umm....yea.

Sin: You just needed it.

Qu: I'm not really sure what you mean but, I guess you mean that pace was for me.

Qu: Admittedly, I didn't have time to think about anything, which may have been refreshing.

Sin: .......Especially if you don't watch your step, you'll easily fall into the valley of hell.

Qu: You say such scary things.

MC: What do you mean?

Qu: Who knows? There is know way I can understand, but I know that you are worried.

Sin:.......But for your true desires, that hell may be necessary.

Qu: I don't understand even more now. Can you explain it?

MC: It's impossible.

Sin: Are you okay to stay like this? If you say it, you could solve the problem.

Qu: ......I was surprised with your bluntness. Or rather, it's very refreshing.

MC: Excuse me, do you have any problems?

Qu: I'd say it's a problem.....

Qu: Mokuren probably got into a fight with Kokuyou. That's that I am curious about.

Qu: Up until now, there has been several disagreements between Mokuren and Kokuyou.

Qu: But, this time it is different. It seems he doesn't intent to go back or to back down.

MC: Go back....does that mean he might quit?

Qu: ......Mokuren is an eccentric person. Sin, do you agree?

Sin: I guess everyone is doing whatever is necessary. There are no words for Mokuren.

Qu: That person only lives by instinct...

Qu: When I was lost because of various things, Mokuren invited me to Starless without any questions.

Qu: Mokuren probably didn't intendent to, but I was saved by him at that time.

Qu: That's why I would like to be helpful for Mokuren.

Qu: It is said that pity is not good for others. Or if your mercy becomes too much, will it become your enemy?

Qu: Who knows.

Qu: When Maica came to Starless, I didn't worry like this.

MC: While Mokuren may not be worried, Qu is.

Qu: Maybe so.

Qu: I want to respect everyone's decisions, they way they respect mine.

Qu:........Sin, thank you. I was able to vent by talking to you.

Sin: There are different types of people. You must be the kind of guy who can vent his frustrations.

Qu: You are the type who cannot vent.

Sin: Maybe.

To be continued....

After story Side B - 6: It's just a relationship.

(Maica, Rindou, Qu)

Maica: Don't you feel that the customer base of W and P is a little different?

Maica: I feel that there is a lot of fixed fans. W is better.

Rindou: Maybe so. In a sense, it is a Starless-like team.

Maica: ....Hmm--. It seems to be Starless-like.

Rindou: What's wrong, Maica?

Maica: I don't know but, Qu seems worried.

Rindou: Qu does?

Maica: Probably......somehow but....

Maica: Well, as usual he hasn't said anything to me though.

Rindou: Your relationship is also a little strange. The sense of distance is unique.

Maica: Strange? It may look like that, but human relationships are the same for a greater or lesser extent.

Maica: Something is wrong. There is no such thing as perfection.

Rindou: ......That's right.

END.

Side B- 7: Face the desire

(Menou, Sotetsu, Qu)

Sotetsu: Oh, the lessons are over now.......What are you pouting about, Menou?

Menou: Today, Qu's lesson was not really good.

Qu: Sorry.

Menou: Your heart wasn't there.

Sotetsu: It's rare for you to act like that, Menou.

Menou: Is that so? But it's because Qu's head was in the clouds.

Sotetsu: Have you been worrying about Mokuren?

Qu: Well, something like that. In the first place, it can't be helped that I am worried.

Qu: It is a problem between Mokuren and Kokuyou. It has nothing to do with me.

Menou: I certainly don't think it has anything to do with Qu, but Qu, you don't think that way, do you?

Sotetsu: Because Qu is serious. He is different to you and me.

Menou: That's right. There is something about Qu that doesn't match with Starless.

Sotetsu: That's a terrible thing to say.

Qu: Personally, I thought I was a member of Starless.

Menou: In other words, rather than being serious, Qu is more of a decent person.

Menou: In that respect, he is the same as Rindou. Different from us.

Menou: But, sometimes I wish I was on that side.

Sotetsu: Isn't it impossible for you?

Menou: I guess so. Starless is not a store that satifies your desires.

Sotetsu: It's too self- explanatory.

Menou: We're in a place where the sun doesn't shine but that means we don't have to worry about being seen.

Menou: But I eel like you've always been trying to do things properly in this store 'in the sense of being someone else'.

Qu: ......Well, I don't really understand.

Sotetsu: Because it's Menou's languague. It seems like a normal sentence, but there's something wrong with it.

Menou: I don't want to hear that from you, Sotetsu.

Sotetsu: Hahaha, is that so? I don't want to be told that by you either.

Qu: It's surprising to hear Menou talk to someone like that.

Menou: Ahaha, not really. I haven't been able to get along with Sotetsu for a long time.

Qu: But, you often go out for a drink together, right?

Sotetsu: Because the stage and drinking are different.

Menou: Join us Qu. Sotetsu you are coming, right? After the shift?

Sotetsu: Okay, I'll drink it all up this time.

Menou: I have to settle this. Qu, you better be prepared too.

Qu: Please be gentle.

Sotetsu: Well then, first I will change my clothes.

Menou: Qu.

Qu: Hm.

Menou: This is a shop that satisfies your desires. Don't forget that.

To be continued....

After story Side B-7: Don't be afraid of desire.

(Qu, Kokuyou)

Q: Hey, good morning.

K: .....It's not as usual. Did something happen yesterday?

Q: Hmm- I guess I couldn't get through yesterday after all. I drank too much yesterday.

Q: Sotetsu and Menou to invited me.

K: I can't help but feel bad about that look.

Q: It is quite difficult to determine the amount of alcohol consumed.

Q: ......Hey Kokyou, how does this store satisfy your desire?

K: Huh? What are you talking about? Are you still drunk? I'm not getting involved.

Q: Ahaha, I'm already sober. I've been thinking about it since yesterday.

K: How should I know? I will get someone to take care of you.

Q: .....my desire, huh?

END

DISCLAIMER – This is not an accurate translation! Please do not steal. Please let me know of any corrections and what I translated wrong- I may have just written what I think works best, but if you think otherwise, let me know. :)

[pandaemoanium]

random vent under the cut about using english as a non-native speaker

a lot of the time i feel very self-conscious whenever i speak or write in english. even though i'm not *bad* at english i can still feel the language barrier holding me back at times. the way i talk and write can be very stiff and it really sticks out, at least to me, and it sometimes makes me feel very stupid.

i can feel the lack of vocabulary and skills hindering my ability to show how i truly feel or think in certain situations and it's frustrating as hell. i know i'm not an idiot. i know that in finnish i'm (usually) a pretty smart person, but in english i sometimes feel like a fucking toddler trying to get a simple point across. the way i talk can also be very awkward because i have to pause *a lot* to find the right words, and i can just *feel* my brain buffering like a fucking youtube video trying to keep up with what i'm trying to say. having to translate everything in your head on the spot can get very exhausting. add chronic anxiety and somewhat lacking social skills into the mix and oh god oh fuck i feel like i can't communicate with people at all sometimes

i use english every single day, most days even more than finnish, whether it's being online scrolling through tumblr or reading articles etc, playing video games, watching shows and movies, chatting with my american boyfriend or my online friends from all around the world. even the UI on my phone/game consoles/etc is in english. i constantly try to improve in hopes of being able to say that i've become "fluent" in english or whatever but idk, i feel like i've hit my skill cap a long time ago and i just can't get any better and it frustrates me so much. i just want to be able to convey my feelings and thoughts as clearly as possible but so much of it seems to quite literally get lost in translation. i hate feeling incompetent and stupid aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i don't think i have the energy to even start talking about how the way i speak english as a non-native speaker can be really weird to a native speaker because of the way i was taught british english but i've also learned american english through media etc and how bc of that i've picked up words and phrases from all over the place so my english is just a weird amalgamation of british mixed with american english from all over the country

i had a point in all this but i forgot abt it a long time ago so this turned into a random vent post lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess

[stellamancer]

niku!! i am dropping by with some good music and new year wishes! 🎶🎉 thank you so much for being part of my 2023 🥺 you’re one of the first friends i made on here!! and i love talking to you niku!! i love your honesty and value your thoughts on things so dearly!!

as a year-end pick my favourite read from you is (though we may) fall apart (shocker it's not established... i know....) i have never been more satisfied seeing gojo socked on the cheek 😌 but!! other than that!! i just loved the tension in it, the dialogue and what's left unsaid!!! that typa stuff yaknow!!

if i may ask!! 🥺 (feel free not to answer if uncomfy!!) how was 2023 for you? what’s a favourite thing (anything) you discovered this year? do you have any reflections from the past year? any resolutions for the next? 🥹

good music u say... hehe... time to blast me weeb music.

you know, every time that someone says they like fall apart, it makes me really happy. i've mentioned it before but it initially started out as a vent piece but i'd gotten frustrated with it because it wasn't going where i wanted it to and i ended up shelving it (I also did consider rewriting it from reader's pov but i also wanted to explore gojo's pov in a more serious way). anyway, i would be shocked if i... actually had some established relationship fics for you to... read. maybe this year? hahaha.

anyway. 2023 huh.

i'd say 2023 was probably one of the roughest years of my adult life. usually the way things go for me is that either life will be hard because of work or life will be hard because of things at home but most of the time it is work. but about half-way through the year it was really bad on both fronts. i post about work occasionally, but the home life thing i didn't super talk about outside of like one-on-one conversations and a little bit on servers i'm on. but in short, i had to do a lot of adulting with very little guidance and i can't emphasize how terribly stressful it is to try and navigate a situation that not only have virtually none of your peers have gone through but none of the people you ask who are older and supposedly wiser than you can advise you either.

and as soon as that basically resolved itself, another issue reared it's head which basically lasted until the beginning of the holidays lmao.

but despite the hardships of 2023, good things also happened in it too, after all, it's the year that you came into my life. and not just you, but others too. it was a good year for growing closer to the little friends in my phone, the people in my pocket. admittedly there were some rough patches, a couple of friendships i'd thought i'd lost due to my own carelessness, but overall, it was a good year for interpersonal relationships. i told you already that i did not have anything super sentimental to say, but i really can't say enough how much i look forward to opening up discord and finding a bazillion messages from you. and the occasional thirst trap.

huh. did i go off topic? hm. maybe. i think i covered discoveries and reflections LMAO.

as for resolutions, with the way my year ended, i think i would like to strive to let the people i love how much i care about them. not that i think i was particularly... aloof about it in the past but. you know. i also would like to get better at writing more consistently lmao.

[musicspirit26]

okay, so i'm well aware that this might make me sound like an incel, but it's something that frustrates me so much as an autistic person and i need to vent about it (i would totally do this with a therapist if i had one btw - but i don't, so i'm making do with what i have)

every single time i develop a huge crush on someone, i feel like 1 of 3 things always happens:

they're already in a happy long term relationship and i don't wanna be the homewrecker

they've just gotten out of a relationship, so i don't wanna be their rebound

they've been single for a while and are either not ready to mingle in general or just wouldn't like me back at all anyways

this pattern will usually go on for a few years, and all the while i will also be doing a lot of personal growth (which makes the comment "you don't need a relationship to be happy" all the more frustrating because my main love language is physical touch, so i need/crave physical affection in ways that simply can't be provided by a family member), so by the time someone else who doesn't quite fit what i'm looking for but i kinda like and who likes me comes along, i will jump on that opportunity really quick because at least someone likes me romantically

and i know those people deserve a lot better than that (and i deserve better than that, too), but i find that i'm usually only in that situation because i want to respect that my actual crushes are unavailable for whatever reason

and yes, i'm aware that a lot of that unavailability comes down to my struggles with social cues and hygiene (which is probably the main reason for the third scenario, on top of the fact that a lot of the women in that category are straight), and that's obviously completely understandable - but i think that's just what makes me feel even more horrible about it, as well as myself

it can be so emotionally debilitating to know that my struggle with these things is exactly what makes it so easy for other people to just write me off altogether, no matter how hard i try to navigate them or self-police how i come across. for that reason, it's extremely difficult not to get frustrated at how hard it is to find a partner who loves me just as deeply as i love them, or handle even a gentle/friendly rejection as just that and to not take it personally.

of course, the other side of that coin is that i feel like any big crushes i have in the three scenarios i mentioned above are also miles out of my league anyway, so working up the courage to confess my feelings in the first place feels almost impossible because of that.

idk y'all, i just wanna find a woman who i can love who loves me and who i can express that love in physical ways with

ugh why is dating so hard 😩😩😩

[archangelofsacrifice]

Mostly a rambling vent post, FFXIV and the nature of mmos

So, I play a lot of FFXIV, and I'm far from like a god tier good player, but I AM a notably good player to some extent. I do savage content and have a mild interest in parsing and pushing myself to be better constantly. I can remember the flow of a fight, I can react fairly quickly to stuff I forget/am new to, and I'm usually pretty intuitive with figuring out mechanics.

I have a ton of fun in the high end raiding scene, but there's just this one little thing about it that really depresses me and just randomly hits me with being sad now and then.

I really enjoy blind prog for stuff... Just, a group of players sitting down and figuring out the fight together, no looking stuff up, no video guides, none of that shit... And there are other players that enjoy that. This isn't some woe is me, why does NO one play the game the way I like it to be played. I understand there are other blind prog enjoyers

But my friends aren't those people. The people I've grown attached to and enjoy playing the game with just, aren't that. So it's whatever, I still have tons of fun doing raids with them and I'm really excited for the last set of savage fights for EW and to do the fights with them.

I've basically given up on trying to do blind savage, I can't get enough of my current friends to do it, and meeting a new set of people that I click with and would enjoy that with... Would just be so exhausting...

But hey, below savage there's ex fights. They're in a mixed spot of, hard content for casual players, and anywhere from easy to hard for savage raiders.

A new ex fight dropped the other day and just... Day 1, nothing in party finder but groups saying stuff like "x guide" "watch this guide to join" "x strats" just... Really no groups just going blind....

I and my one friend that does enjoy blind content as well went to make a blind party since it's day 1 of the fight being out... We get an entire premade party that was just missing our roles to join us and fill the party instantly... We start the fight and... Despite it being blind... They instantly put up waymarkers for setting up stuff to help resolve mechanics... "We're blind too but we did one lockout and got to 60%" cool... Whatever... Between the move telegraphs and the waymarkers, most of the stuff is just kinda easy for me to put together at that point, and like, there's no sense of us working together to figure stuff out... 6 people just joined and instantly resolved all the earlier mechanics of the fight for us... They explain stuff as we wipe, they just, leave no room for us to figure it out..

And yeah we could have left but, it's not that serious, I didn't care THAT much about doing it blind, but I would have liked to ya know? I would have enjoyed the chance... But no, probably like 90% of the players don't care about blind and just want to clear the fights asap.

High end MMO fights have such cool puzzle like elements woven into the fights that would be amazing to tackle with your friends and try out different ways to resolve them... But if even one player just starts getting frustrated and annoyed... It's like the storm of pestilence infects people bit by bit... Someone lagging behind on understanding what to do becomes a point of arguing... People get mad and frustrated... It just turns into a mess... I hate it. It fills me with such sadness... I can't be in sync with my friends like I want to be... I can't find an entire group that's all on the same page... I know that's selfish of me to want, I know it's unreasonable and not likely to happen... I already know that but it still makes me sad you know?

[hime-memes]

Hi, it's the anon requesting a PSA for non accessible rules pages, because I don't own a laptop. When I send it in, I was in a bad mindset after a couple of incidents in the rpc stressing me out. I was highly frustrated. I understand that using your inbox for venting wasn't right and I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable with my aggressive tone. What I won't do, is acknowledge that I felt entitled. Which I don't. I literally said I'm poor, I can't afford a laptop, I can't afford a smartphone, I live off little. I'm not privileged. When my mistake was to not say please and thank you, I get that. I'm usually very polite. I've been raised to be polite and kind to everyone, and honestly I'm surprised I didn't include this in my ask. And this is what I apologize for.

Thank you anyway for posting a very coherent, kind and relatable PSA. Have a nice day and don't worry, I won't reach out again.

Anon, everyone has bad days - no harm no foul, my own nerves were rattled by a lot of different askbox bullies and abuse a few days ago from multiple sides, so I imagine that heightened my own sensitivity to the the implied tone of the request and I apologize for that. You aren’t the first person to need to vent, I highly doubt you’ll be the last. I don’t think you’re a bad person for coming at it the way you did. We all lash out in frustration. The anon function stays open for a reason, we all have less than stellar moments and this way, no one has to be the wiser who that is - just know that’s a double edged sword on my part. Not everyone has good intentions behind the frustration and they really mean to hurt feelings when they ask for things. I can typically parse through those quick - but tone gets muddled in an ask. I don’t have to tell you, I know, that people hide behind it with the goal of trying to be truly mean and nasty. There’s just a lot to consider when sending an anon ask that everyone should be aware of.

I whole heartedly sympathize and empathize with your current situation. I was in very similar circumstances for about five years - and I sincerely wish you well and hope things get better for you! I’m terribly sorry you took my entitlement statement to mean your circumstances - that wasn’t what I meant at all. It was the the wording and the way it seemed to demand everyone understand HOW to be accessible on this shapeshifting hellsite. As it stands, that’s a hard thing to do - I’ve been kicking around on tumblr in some form or fashion for around a decade. Trying to figure out how to STAY accessible for everyone is tricky when tumblr wants to roll out new features every few months and throw everyone into a tailspin. I know, it’s difficult to thrive in a community where aesthetics and looks are the driving force of interaction ( typically ) and everything else comes second. It’s hard to ask for accommodations, and harder still to find people willing to do the accommodating - but, if you sent them an IM or inbox message asking for that plain text set of rules/mun information/muse information I think they’d understand and be willing to do so. If not ? Keep looking, you’ll find the right RP squad for you that can meet your needs !

I would hate for you to feel discouraged from asking for memes and such in the future over a misunderstanding, but I completely understand. My own words were hurtful and out of line - I will correct this going forward. Thank you for reaching out anyway to clear the air, I appreciate that. If I’ve misinterpreted anything you said in this ask, please IM me and let me know. It would tear me to pieces of you came away from this thinking things had an unsatisfactory resolution.

[allbeendonebefore]

Omg thanks so much, I’m so happy i sent that ask bc it’s already helping me and giving me ideas to flesh out this fic better. i need to stop being so shy ><

and i agree with everything you’ve said. i also tend to feel like matt leans on oliver a lot which leads to ollie taking the fall and brunt of most things + taking on more than he should, since he knows ollie will pick up his slack.

but i would absolutely love to hear more if you can, please. i find ollie’s and ralph’s relationship really intriguing + i love when they can just. chill and be friends and worry about shit later

oh you bet, thanks for asking! it's stuff i like to think about and its nice to talk to someone about it (and normally i don't bite, save for when I lose sleep/am travelling and am feeling paranoid about strangers asking for personal info, sorry anon from last week! but dms also are ok for things like that because then i feel more like im having a conversation and less like im performing for an invisible audience)

and yeah ol hits close to home for me so when i'm not drawing him Silly or using him as a strawman which is most of the time (sorry), he tends to be a reflection of my own anxieties about being Professional and being Forced into the Leadership Role but Also Not Delegating it because he Doesn't Trust Anyone Else etc etc, and he tends to also be a projection of the anxieties of simultaneously defining what being Canadian is and having to embody that while also realizing that its kind of milquetoast or built on sand and arbitrary and completely made up and Not the universal unifying magic bullet it is supposed to be but what the fuck else is he supposed to do, which is a theme that i have been mulling over.... well, since i was like, nine and left the country.

likewise bert hits close to home for me because..... home, so when i write him its usually expressing a frustration at the way things are/have been, and kind of satirizing the State of Things. It is difficult for me to not make him a complete wreck and I tend to focus on his toxic sides because it's Very Personal for me, but I don't want my vent comics to be like, the only version of him out there either? it's also hard for me because i feel like simultaneously i am the person who is the first to point out his faults and flaws because i can't escape them, but i'm also the person who is trying to love him unironically without shame through gritted teeth, hahaha...

so i mean even if everything i say rings true or doesn't, it's not the be all end all of their characterization, what i say is just more filtered through Me and My Experiences and I fully acknowledge that and you're also welcome to take things in another direction. lord knows i am in my own very specific rut right now that contributes to a lot of blocks i have. [and my authority on Albertanness has to be tempered with other Albertans, remember that time all the albertans got angry at me for the song i used on the i am alberta video LOL]

i don't have anything specific to say at the moment on this and i am putting off a lot of things i should be doing but uh, check back, i am thinking about it and i'm happy to help / offer suggestions / test hypotheses. :)

[sweettsubaki]

Girl, you guys are too sensitive when it comes to Buck. NO ONE is bashing him, it's all about feeling sympathetic towards Eddie and the position he's in / his point of view. But then again there's always been a MASSIVE favoritism towards Buck over anyone in the fandom, leading you guys to become misogynistic and apologists of tbh shitty behaviors. Like Taylor? Yeah I never liked her at all, but that shit that Buck pulled with her? Fuck no. Season 1 Buck? Fuck no. Buck has really grown as a person, we love him, but the majority of you have a favoritism that's always been based on attraction and it shows on the way you speak and showcase your opinions.

Usually starting a sentence by "you're too sensitive" is very much used to gaslight someone so, heads up, I'm likely not gonna take what you say afterwards very seriously. Especially since you're on anonymous. Also I'm known for a lot of things but sensitivity isn't one of them...Kinda the opposite even. But I am easily frustrated and I did vent, which as far as I'm aware shouldn't matter to you.

"no one is bashing him it's all about feeling sympathetic toward Eddie".

Ok so either you haven't seen the numerous posts I'm talking about and you took it upon yourself to speak for everyone or you don't know what bashing is. Either way not the best look for you but I have seen many (stopped counting at around 50 posts) talking about how Buck is an ass for daring to say that to Eddie. Not "poor Eddie's been rejected" but very much "Eddie deserves better than someone who doesn't appreciate him" posts (I've literally seen at least a dozen variation of this sentence), often followed by people using that as a proof that Buddie is toxic actually. And just generally very little critical thinking involved and changing the whole scene to mean what they want.

There might be favoritism toward Buck. Probably, most likely tbh. I mostly follow buddie blogs with either a buck or Eddie focus and other more general blogs with no focus at all. Buddie's the most engaging part of the fandom and the funniest for me in general. Because I follow Eddie girlies as much as Buck ones I don't see the difference and I generally don't venture too far away 'cause Chim is my favorite and I've seen too much racism when wanting to look for him so I stopped venturing too far off the fun people who make meta that seem a bit too much but are still enjoyable.

Now even if I personally didn't witness it because I've curated my own experience on Tumblr and don't interact about 911 on any other social media, he's the young White Adult in a fox procedural. So I'm not surprised there'd be favoritism towards him in a mostly American/western fandom. I've just been talking about this specific situation because it managed to hit my recluse corner which is a feat in itself.

Now that also doesn't matter in this case. Like there being favoritism in general doesn't change that there has been bashing here. If you don't care about it or feel vindictive about it then good for you but that's clearly not my case. That's why I avoid it in the first place.

Now I'm probably biased because I've curated my experience but as far as I'm aware, most people don't like season 1 Buck ? Never seen someone who loved this side of him. Because he was the youngest and most immature, it's easy to focalize on him if you like long ass development, but that's it. And most ppl who talk about s1 talk about it in a "look how much he grew" way so I have no idea why you're bringing it up?

As for TK, you can despise her without it being related to Buck. I personally found her appealing as a character, but the same way I find villains appealing. I very much loved to hate her. The woman does not care about others and will step on them to get what she wants even if she violates all moral ethics and loved ones to do so. You can dislike what she did to Buck without caring for Buck, like in a collateral damage way. But I get people absolutely hating her (I draw the line at mysogynistic behaviors which I luckily mostly avoided but I don't doubt they were there). Buck was an ass yes but he felt guilty about it and also learned and grew from it ...still is learning from it actually. That's a huge difference in my book and probably others. There are no unproblematic characters, just characters willing to be better and those which aren't (relatively speaking since it depends on what the writers find problematic). I mean Hen cheated on Karen (which I still do not comprehend in the slightest), Bobby is linked to the death of his kids, Eddie abandoned his child for years. Chim is the one who did the least problematic thing in general because he's the one with the most empathy and the closest thing I can think of is punching someone he loves when distressed and panicking about someone he also loves. And I've heard Chim got a lot of racist shit from it and while I have no doubt it's true, my curated experience means I didn't have to deal with it.

As for your last point, I happen to be aroace and I'm the kind who only understand what attraction means as a very abstract concept. (I especially don't think muscles are all that interesting but I'm happy for the people who like thirsting over big muscles).

And so like...yeah I've seen people thirst over the actor (as much as Eddie's), but thinking that people who are basically just talking about media literacy and "how the fuck are there enough posts that they ended up in my circle that's usually undramatic as fuck", are doing so just because they're attracted to the actor seems a bit bad faith.

So maybe the bashing only happened in this corner I thought would prevent me from seeing character bashing and needless drama, but it's still happened and it went from funny memes (which I liked and still have queued) to literal tirades of how Buddie is toxic and Buck is the worst. That wasn't me exaggerating, they literally said stuff like that. Which is a terrible take, like how do you even get to this point. So I vented and you thought it was a good idea to come to my inbox to ...I'm not even sure what this is for...warn me ? Annoy me? Insult me? Something else?, well whichever, I'm just using it to vent some more...because holy shit have I seen dumb takes in the past few days.

[ay0nha]

“I’m here to bargain” | Dr. Stephen Strange (Blurb)

Request for @top-notch-daddy​: “maybe u can write smth where the reader n strange joke around n flirt a lot but strange starts saying that the reader is annoying more often n the reader gets self-conscious to end in consoling n talking it out”

Pairing: Stephen Strange x gn!reader

Word Count: ~2.5K

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REQUEST AND YOUR PATIENCE. I’m slowly working through everything in my inbox/requests. I hope I did you justice and I’m sorry about 1. the wait and 2. the rushed ending! (also lack of proofreading and I changed this story around a few times so I’m sorry in advanced if it’s choppy) Much love xoxoxoxo

"I cannot focus when you," Stephen took a sharp inhale of breath, cutting off his sentence to look at me, "I need to focus. What I am doing is very time-sensitive and you're-you're being- You're irritating me and I need you to just-

"Got it." I bit back, closing the book he had just instructed me to read from, leaving him to find the correct page number on his own.

"You don't 'got it', " He repeated, waving his hands around in a calculated manner conjuring anything and everything he needed at the moment, "I am working with things beyond your imagination, and with you chattering...Look, I don't need you for this, just go."

Books never talked back. Unless they had an enchantment on them, but even then they could be kind, kinder than people sometimes. Even if I wasn't really reading them they worked as a shield from everything else. If someone had a book in their hands, they would be left unbothered, especially in the Sanctum's library. Not only was it a universal unspoken rule, but it was also a thing of mutual respect.

Yet, as I held a book in my hand, I felt guilty. Guilty that I was using this precious space as an excuse, barrier, buffer, anything that kept me away from him. I had been in here for at least an hour, flipping through random pages of random books, random words I didn't understand. The words meant almost nothing to me, but it was something different for me to do.

My days consisted of things much more exciting, each day different than the other. Stephen always had something for us to do, some mischief and some saving, some adventure or something better than reading ancient books. However, my pride would never let me seek him out now. I had been avoiding Stephen like the plague. He was the one irritating in every way and it was the final straw. I needed my space from him even if that meant hiding in the library.

Naturally, if something didn't go Stephen's way, it became the entire Sancutum's problem. Usually, I'd be the first to jump in to help find a solution, doing anything in my power to help ease his frustrations. But his words rung in my ears over and over until I let them dictate how I walked through the ancient building.

It wasn't the first time I'd heard something like it, but it was the first time I'd heard it from him. Stephen was the one I looked forward to talking to, our banter building off each other perfectly and synchronously. It always worked between us, but as the days went on it only created a wedge between us. What would start as banter could easily be mistaken for bickering; it became a fine line that we were teetering on. Even now as I found I wasn't alone in the Sanctum's library.

"It's like they know when I'm doing something important," Stephen vented to Wong as the two walked in, unknowingly passing the aisle I was at to stand on the other side, "It's Stephen this, eat something that, and I can never finish one thing without an interruption...

He only continued, not realizing how his voice carried to where I was sitting. In his eyes, I was irritating, annoying, childish, loud, and any other predictable insults he could think of. It sounded like he was reaching for a complaint, someone easy to blame for his own frustration. However, as he moved around the row of books to he realized his irreconcilable mistake.

"Dr. Strange," I started before he could get another word out, the name feeling foreign on my lips as I addressed him formally, "Please, I'm trying to focus."

His face twitched at the name too, a clear indicator something was off but he refrained from saying anything. But against his better judgment, he had to make another comment, "You're-

"Irritating?" I cocked my head to the right slightly finishing his sentence. I looked up at him to see a blank expression across his face. For a man who claimed to know it all, he was struggling to see what I was getting at.

But he snapped back quickly, characteristically ready for a debate, "Is that what this little game is about? You can't handle criticism?"

"Games are for children, Dr. Strange," I stated blandly,  eyes focused on him steadily.

With each word, the tension only escalated. Whenever we started talking, we were on the verge of an argument no matter how trivial the topic was.   Neither of us wanted to find the breaking point, but we were playing   with fire at this point. Stephen went to speak again, something I was ready for but unwilling to tolerate.

"Wong," I cleared my throat as I said his name, tearing my eyes from Stephen to ask, "Help me find something?"

---

"I don't think I could do half the things I  do without you," He started strong as if rehearsing what he wanted to say, "The hunger pains would have gotten to me a long time ago."

"You are not my child and I am not your parent," I said matter-of-factly, bitterness laced in my words. I didn't bother to truly look at him until I asked, "What do you want?"

He adjusted quickly, ready to meet my reprimand, "I need your help with something, that's all."

He was lying and we both knew it. Yet, I couldn't help but question if that's all I was good for. His small speech really told me what I needed to know about our relationship. Maybe I had been delusional to think it was something more.  Maybe I had been blind to see my true rule all this time.

"You're an adult," I smiled falsely, "Figure it out."

"Are you not here to assist me?" He added, knowing he was right. It was why I was here, but not why I stayed, "Assist the sanctum?"

Stephen was the first to crack and I knew he would. He came off as strong-willed, but there were certain things that it just couldn't be applied to and I was one of them. It was in the middle of the night and he knew where to find me because I rarely slept as is. Usually, when he'd come and find me, trying to coax me to at least try and sleep, he'd really just end up joining me for the night. It was some of my favorite times with him. It was when he was the most relaxed and vulnerable. It was also when we'd laugh the hardest, but my chest tightened when I saw his figure approach me. I thought maybe I'd finally had a minute to myself after an excruciatingly long day, but how Stephen of him to make it longer.

"For fucks sake," I muttered under my breath. I couldn't tell how many hours had passed that I tried and tried something new, something I was struggling to understand, but something I needed to figure out fast. I refused to swallow my pride and ask for help. And now I knew it would be damn-near impossible with Stephen's eyes trained on me so I spoke again before he could, "I'm more than capable-

"I know," He said his sentence firmly which showed its honesty. He knew I would be able to figure it out on my own time, but he knew how much I usually appreciated the company, "I've come to help you the way you have helped me."

"Dr. Strange-

"Fine then," He fought off his eye roll at the name, knowing I was being intentionally difficult, "I’m here to bargain."

I eyed him carefully and angrily, but responded willingly, "...I'm listening."

"Tell me what I've done wrong and I'll show you how to properly do the incantation."

What he had done wrong. At this point, I wanted to say I forgot and move on, but it had practically haunted me since he had said it. He knew deep down what he had done, it was obvious to everyone around us what had happened. However, I think he asked because it was the only way he knew how to bring the conversation.

I took in a deep breath, tempted to shut my mouth and continue to shut him out, but as I exhaled I said, "You talk down to almost everyone you talk to, you're both ignorant and arrogant,  you choose to be difficult, and you're impossible to enjoy for longer than five minutes. And, aren't you embarrassed that you have to dye your facial hair?"

"Reading old tabloids about me?" He laughed sarcastically, trying to cover up his slight confusion at my uncharacteristic bluntness. They were cheap shots, not even good insults, but they did the job to make him and the environment slightly uncomfortable.  

"It doesn't feel good, does it?"

He dropped his slight facade, finally joining the conversation for what it truly was, "It was just my sarcasm."

"Really?" I cocked my head slightly as he matched my expression of annoyance, "You need to work on your punchlines, then."

"Who else am I supposed to try my material on?" He joked. He wanted to joke and move on. To laugh with me again the way we usually had.  

"I'm not your punching bag-

"That's not how I-

"Meant it?" I finished his sentence for him, "Then how did you mean it, Dr. Strange?"

"Why are you calling me that?" He asked me like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

"We call it like it is around here, don't we?"

"When was the last time you slept?"

It was question after question, bouncing back and forth between the two of us with no actual responses. But this question caught me off guard not only because it was a change of subject but because it was the first time the question wasn't coming out of my mouth.

"Didn't you come here to bargain?" I ignored him with another question, "You're not holding up your end of the deal."

"And you are?" He stepped forward now, eyebrow twitching slightly, "We can continue this in the morning."

It hadn't gone unnoticed by me that he too needed rest. The two of us were like walking corpses, pushing ourselves harder than we normally did.   We had worked like an odd, yet well-oiled machine. But now, spell after spell, incantation after incantation, they got messier and more complicated. It was like he was taunting me with it, begging me to make a comment, to scold him, to just hear my voice directed towards him. Stephen had been lurking around me for days. He was observing. He was holding back in a way, yet today was different. He held a smirk that made my frown deepen. He was up to something, but kept to himself, waiting for my turn to crack. Yet, we were both cracking under the pressure. Our gaze was intense but not agreeable no matter how much I wanted to follow him back to our rooms.

I shook my head, "Not tonight."

---

"Stephen, what did you do?"

"It was Wong."

"Do not blame him he-

"He said the blizzard passed!"

"He told you to close the portal for the night!"

"No-Well-" He stuttered slightly realizing it was in fact his fault snow blew through the sanctum again. The two of us managed to close off the portal and clean most of it up, but it still left a chill in the building. The two of us were exhausted by the time we decided what we had done was sufficient enough. The rest would have to wait as we sat in the living room.

We were quiet, listening to the way the fire crackled. I glanced over to Stephen seeing how his head laid back on the small couch. Anyone without a trained eye would think he was asleep with he closed eyes paired with the passive face and even breathing, but he would never sleep at a time like this. He was thinking, probably trying to figure out the easiest way to get rid of the remaining mess before Wong returned.

"You know," His voice broke the thick layer of silence easily, "I thought about making you forget."

"Hmm?" I blinked hard to focus on his words and not just his face.

"It's a simple incantation, it would fix all of this..." His eyes were still closed, but his eyebrows furrowed with every word, "...But every time I thought about it, started it even, I just couldn't follow through. It was like this mental block happened that it just fell..flat."

"Am I supposed to be flattered?"

He laughed lightly, a genuine laugh to my genuine response. He placed his fist on his forehead to say, "You don't understand what I'm trying to say."

"Apparently I never do."

"You really don't," He heaved his body up to sit upright and lean his elbows on his knees. He took in a deep, audible breath as he rubbed the back of his hair as his face was toward the ground, "...This past week has been hell. I've had to do I had to work with vampires, fight a giant caterpillar, work with Loki, but that wasn't even the worst part. I'd do it all again over and over and over and it would be nowhere near as horrible as you not talking to me."

My face was still, but my eyes widen slightly at his confession. He was rambling slightly, continuing talking about how he was feeling, but he was just further confessing how he felt about me. He told me how it was years in the making, a perfect match, an amazing equilibrium that has been thrown off by his irrational comments.

"At first, I didn't even notice. I thought you were busy, you know, we're always busy," His eyes were still trained at the floor as his hands gestured around us. He paused slightly, clicking his tongue slightly to say, "...But then the few moments of not being busy were like torture."

The tears were free-falling from my eyes now, there was no point in trying to stop them as they'd been building up for a few days now. Stephen had said it perfectly. Of course, I was angry and upset, but it hurt me just as much to keep my distance from him.

"It was like a part of me was missing and once I realized that-" He blew a raspberry in the air, finally looking up at me to meet my misty eyes with his own, "I knew I was done for, that'd you'd never be able to...I just, I-I love you so much it hurts, so much so that I hurt you and I just hope you can forgive me."