#and I can feel my muse coming back to me
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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it's the way i just want people to love and be invested in peter after all the hard work i've put in him tbh.
#⋆ ⋮ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂���� 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲. ❜ ( out. )#[ i really hope this doesn't come across ugly because i definitely don't mean it in the sense that#'my mutuals owe me more!!!!' or anything like that. i just.#i feel so. second-rate#and like literally everybody just sees peter as like. this thing they'll answer when they have nothing else to do#and it just makes me feel like i've failed as a writer#it's got nothing to do with popularity or 'expecting more' from my mutuals i just.#it feels like my writing is shit? or my ideas or. something.#i literally just want him to be loved like everybody else's muses seem to be#i'm so Tired of being the one who always cares the most.#just once i wanna have the muse that is fawned over.#but like. i just can't seem to.#like i. is it the faceclaim? is it my magic system? is it the quality of my prose?#i just. i feel like fucking tearing everything down and just going away#because it feels as if it wouldn't. impact anybody at all lmao.#[ edit: i'm just. i'm gonna throw this in the save tag so that i can look back at this stuff when i have similar episodes#bc man. such kindness. <3 ]#save *
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hello treasured mutuals! if you have not absolutely had it up to here with me for fixating so heavily on the vampire armand lately.... if indeed you are here for the armand content ..... and we don't have any threads underway, today i offer you STARTER CALL FOR ARMAND. tomorrow? who knows...
#capping at 5 for now but if i'm agreeable and get them all done & posted over the weekend i might open it back up for more on monday#length and verse variable! if i'm unsure what verse to go with i'll hit you up for light plotting <3#actually tomorrow i'm going to throw up a poll for which other muse people are most feeling#so i can try to concentrate my scant non-armand energies into something productive for that lucky character :)#||x come to me [ armand: starter call ]
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goddd. okay, i know it was honestly QUITE some time ago that i talked about jack mathis, so let me just give y'all a bit of a refresher as to why he is the (current) best of that mathis kids in my humble opinion: he doesn't like killing, but will do it in instances where he is 'forced to' (and i mean where he feels like there's no other choice BUT to do so, such as to protect one of his family members, or save them from going to jail, etc.) and jack honestly just wants to make barton proud.
(though, unfortunately, his father tends to treat him the worst out of all of his kids because of his 'joking' attitude). and he is also touch-starved as HELL / actively seeks out anything that will bring him comfort in regards to this, like warm showers, for example. so let me get on to the reason why i'm saying 'god' — him literally barely scraping by on the positive interactions he gets from barton when they have a 'family night' once a week?
as well as once a month, when his father takes a day off to just spend playing video games with jack + whatever else he wants to do? it's such a sad concept for real, because just imagine having five days out of the month feeling like they're the only reason why you've kept whatever semblance of sanity you have left. well, that and his relationship with matilda, as she is the closest sibling to him, but 😭
considering jack has the lowest amount of blood on his hands, and he actually seems to have a stronger conscience (though i could see him still having some moments where he's morally bankrupt)... i think there could be a good chance that he could be, quote unquote, 'flipped' as in change to want to redeem himself. but he feels an obligation to be loyal to his family, which might make that difficult NGL
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ANGER'S HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons.#AHH i know i'm back on my crap of talking about character's that i have yet to roleplay as on this account but... SHH lolll#i honestly think jack is interesting because he is the perfect example of how one can persevere through really hard circumstances and-#still try to hold onto what makes you human even though there are forces on all sides of you attempting to make you make you 'like them' -#+ hurt people without ANY sense of remorse and just be horrible in general. but whenever jack kills someone it does not feel-#good (unless the person was particularly bad but even then he knows that what he's feeling is... well kind of dangerous) and -#jack feels like such an outsider from the rest of his family because of this + since julien is gone seeing as they were like brother's -#before they were 'adopted' by barton. and i say that in quotations bc he didn't officially do so they were just in a reallyyy bad situation#that barton happened to come across and might of uhh. Spared them from a horrible fate by taking them under his wing but#yeahhh. i'm just am being emotional about my circus-inspired contortionist + thief as usual / j LMAO#tw: mentions of childhood trauma.#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: mentions of unhealthy family dynamics.
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“go to hell” is basic. “i hope you have the opportunity to write a romatically dense character in a situation where even you can see the other characters romantic sense” is smart. it’s possible. it’s terrifying
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#insane how i keep on finding such trait haunting me ... got back into a game with my best friend and omg ... the character who i write in#our dynamic came out in leaks like : oh yeah i am avoiding them bc i think they hate me and now idk what to do with this distance ...#even though he ran away and this character spent years. EVEN AFTER THEY FOUGHT last time they spoke! to make sure they were alive.#constantly getting people to check up on him.#this is. uh a common occurance on this blog. a lot of my muses really struggle to see romantic interest in them and. in turn. can take years#in canon material to recognise their villains. not to sound cliche but its not your muses its them#dived into alie.n stage lore and discovered til.ls feelings for iv.an were listed as#unrealized feelings which honestly? i think has opened up a whole world of thoughts and tbh like a whole new way of looking at the dynamics#i hold with my particularly more dense muses and realised yeah? yeah#! that makes sm sense... its not that they werent in love at the same time#(they were and thats why they make some strange decisions. trust)#but did they understand it for what it truly was? maybe#maybe not. the not is more telling bc yeah ... that just makes sense 🫠#anyway good morning! today is definitely a message / gaming day. im going to try and keep an eye out for memes today but after sending#about 20 asks my brain coming up for starter plots is not 100% rn JFSJFJSKFJSJDJ#dynamics on the other hand .. 🥰
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"Tu'ril de'n." , a term I put together using the drow dictionary, which means 'half of myself.' Which is the term of love she has for @menzoberras
#[ 🕷️ ] —— musings#[ 🕷️ ] —— headcanons#[ I ADORE how much rolling of my tongue i need to do to make these words mesh together like a fluent language when i say them outloud. ]#[ of COURSE you do that for drow its an elven language ]#[ makes me feel real Tolkien-ish when i put a big long sentence together and i speak the words out loud. ]#[ i LOVE this SOOO much ]#menzoberras#[ definitely one of the dynamics formed that can only be described as - alurlssrin. ]#[ and that's the wonderful thing about such love is- their fights as a couple are just as fierce as their loving - ruthless. ]#[ but that is what makes them work ]#[ maturity is knowing that fights happen in love and that it's not all sunshine and rainbows and that you come together DESPITE fighting. ]#[ DESPITE being angry you still come back to one another and that- right there- is the secret to obtaining allurlssrin. ]#[ in accepting each other truly. in the good and more importantly the bad- the ruthless and loving them still for it. ]
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screaming and crying etc
#approaching 1 year with my girlfriend and it’s making me weepy fr fr…#she’s just. the most wonderful brilliant person i have ever met#we know each other so deeply now and i’m just as excited about her as a person as i was when we first#met. she fascinates me with the way she thinks and talks and moves and when i first saw her i understood why artists made women their muses#it is actually insane how much we have been through together in our near year together#it’s insane we survived it it’s insane that we are growing and loving more and more each day#when i first fell in love with her i didnt think i could love her anymore i didn’t think it was Possible#and now i look back and know that was a tiny percentage of the amount of love i can feel. and i know in another year’s time i’ll feel the#same way about how i feel now#i come from a very broken place and i have never felt whole until i met her#oughhh. my home my love my life#and soon…💍 ^_^#valentina talks#my lover
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also who's gonna give eva smooches she's been away for so long
#ooc.#i can feel my writing muse coming back little by little#so catch me trying to do a couple replies today
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I feel like my writer's block is getting worse.
#i'm at the point where i don't even want to write#my muse can come back anytime now okay thanks#nothing is coming out the way i want it to#and that's just making things worse#posting the cocat things made me feel significantly worse too so idk if it's good for me to keep up with them#i don't even know if anyone's reading them#i'd hoped that giving myself deadlines to get things done would boost my productivity#but all i do is stare at my wips like -w-#i'm just so tired.#i don't need a break. i took a break for like. a fucking month. what i need is to fucking WRITE goddammit
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I need Leonard and Cain to do toxic yaoi together...the two of them deserved more interaction in general
//YOU GET IT OMG YOU F U C K I N G GET IT //It's the duality. It's the difference in background and how they deal with tragedy and how that's absolutely APPALLING to both, because Leonard, who has and is dealing with a deep sense of wanting to inflict violence on the inside, and Caim, who just wants peace and to have never dealt with any of that on the inside, SEE the other's outward actions doing just the opposite and both are reminded of JUST how much they're trying to ignore that part they see in the other inside of them and how they're trying to put that down and HERE this motherfucker is, just doing it //AND ITS THE SENSE OF SOLIDARITY THESE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE FROM VERY DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS GET WHEN THEY SEE THAT, BECAUSE BEYOND LOSING THEIR FAMILY TO THE EMPIRE WHICH BRANG THEM UNDER THE UNION'S CAUSE THEY'RE BOTH OLDER BROTHERS WHO KNOW DEEP DOWN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FRET OVER AND CARE FOR YOUR YOUNGER SIBLING, OUTSIDE NUMBNESS TO THOSE FEELINGS BY OUTWARD CIRCUMSTANCES BE DAMNED. THEYRE BOTH PART OF A VERY SMALL MINORITY WHO HAVE MADE A PACT, AND EVEN SMALLER OF THE ONES WITH SOME SEMBLENCE OF A MIND LEFT AFTER DOING DO. THAT THEY BOTH CAME OUT OF THEIR TRAUMA AS THE ONLY ONES LEFT FULLY UNTOUCHED AND ARE BOTH STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH THAT, AND THAT LATER ON THEY BOTH FIND SOMEONE TO CARE FOR IMMENSELY THAT THEY'RE FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE WITH THAT GIVES THEM THEIR REAL SENSE OF WORTH AFTER THE WAR AND THE PROFOUND ISOLATION FROM BEING SO FAR DEEP IN YOUR OWN HEAD AND TRAUMA AND KNOWING THE STUPID PIDDLING WRECK OF A HERMIT OR THE NEEDLESSLY VIOLENT BLOODTHIRSTY CRACKHEAD MERCENARY NEXT TO YOU CAN SHARE IN THAT GRIEF BUT AT THE SAME TIME IS A MIRROR INTO YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU CAN BE THAT YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE //ITS ABOUT THE PROJECTION. IT'S ABOUT THE DIFFERENCES THAT FORCE THEM TO LOOK INTO THEIR OWN SELF AND THEIR INABILITY TO COPE WITH THAT AND WHY THAT MAKES THEM FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER, BUT ALSO THE COMPANY AND RELATABILITY TO EACH OTHER'S POSITIONS THAT DRIVES THEM TO THAT AWKWARD STALEMATE. ITS ABOUT THE MISLED "I CAN FIX HIM"'S MEANING TWISTED BUT WELL-INTENTIONED "I CAN MAKE HIM MORE LIKE ME THE WAY I WANT SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE SCARED ANYMORE" ON BOTH SIDES FROM PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN FIX THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY CAN'T LET GO, AND THEN MY FAVOURITE PART
//HOW THAT RESULTS IN PSYCHICAL VIOLENCE AND/OR LOATHING AND RESENTMENT AND DISGUST. i watch this scene with SUCH yaoi-tinted glasses anon you don't even know
#||Reply||:Anonymous#||OOC||#{/COME ON OUT; ANON; I JUST WANNA TALK. *sets bait* i have a japanese caionard fanfic translated from piviv please let me share it with you#{/i was NOT meaning for this to be that long though; holy fuck...}#{/i have a lot of strong feelings for these two BOTH as characters and also Dat Toxic Yaoisms....}#{/and i just KNOW the potential's there and can be even worse and more toxic in 1.3 but we were given so LITTLE i dunno how to make it work#{/........yet.}#{/i just need them to get too under the other's skin for one's liking and that resulting in a murder and subsequent mutilation}#{/you feel me????? you know?????????}#{/it's funny}#{/i left my previous muse (not ash/angela) back in like 2017 thinking 'yeah no more; im going to STOP and move on with my life bc}#{/i'm the literal stereotypical obnoxious XDing 00's german nightcore listening fujoshi and have to do something else'}#{/two years into the DOD fanbase and here i am; listening to nightcore teufelstanz and talking about my silly little toxic yaoi again....}#{/we need more drakengard rarepairs in general; like.... i love kaian as much as the next person but lets have some FUN with it}#{/if we can get 2 caioch fanfics on ao3 i just KNOW we can get that many for caionard}#{/even one........ i'll make it my SELF if i have to (even if i really dont want to because the thing about making the story is...#{/... you know it.} BUT I WILL PUT THAT OPTION ON THE TABLE FOR OTHERS TO SEE; IF NEED BE.}
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Okay, so! I have:
Changed the url of the blog (scale-tippers -> abyssembraced)
Changed the colour scheme of the blog (though it's still somewhat subject to change)
Updated the avatar to reflect the new colour scheme (though it's still temporary until I draw a nicer one)
Removed my old promo as my pinned post due to it being outdated (a temporary pinned post with links and stuff will be up in a sec; a new promo will come eventually, probably once I finish writing Rouxls' bio page)
Archived (dropped) Ryunosuke and Robin as muses for the time being.
#ooc#((plus side to making a poll about the url change and not just dming my mutuals directly:))#((the anonymity and indirectness makes people less pressured to say 'yes' and thus will answer 'no' if they don't want me to change it!))#((the down side to not talking to people directly:))#((i do not know who i now need to apologize to for changing my url))#((and the reason the blog colours are still subject to change are because everything is very ghost-centric right now))#(( (oh btw tumblr stop trying to correct me on my spelling of ''colours'' i am Right) ))#((''abyssembraced'' is still a lot more fitting for ghost than it is for rouxls even though the new url was supposed to suit both muses))#((but i chose to go for that name specifically instead of something like ''darkembraced''))#((so i'm thinking i might change the blog's colours to be black/dark grey and blue/cyan to reference castle town))#((so that rouxls feels more included given that he's Also a primary muse))#((also i do still love ryuu and robin but i just. don't have the confidence to write them right now))#((maybe they'll come back someday! but i'm not gonna promise anything and i wouldn't count on it unless i decide to replay their games))#((but i don't really like dealing in absolutes so i'm calling them ''archived'' and not dropped))#((their bios are still available on a separate ''archived muses'' page i just made that can be accessed from the regular muse list))
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mild spoilers in tags but i'm just mad i don't write any actual security bre.ach muses now and i think i need to change that fuck
#—— ✧ ooc »#.tbd.#burnt.rap: h—#me: locking him back in a closet. not you.#listen at SOME point i'll give in & make a verse for him but i don't even have THAT much muse for glitch as it is y'know lmao#and it's not like he has interesting lore he literally comes out and immediately gets fucked up KFHDSFHSADL#the way i'm gonna end up adding testing muses to the multi HELP ME#wait a sec wait a sec remembered my William Actually Gets Enough (& Maintains) Remnant To Be Essentially Immortal verse idea#hello welcome to my inevitable AU where the worst man in the world owns the pizzapl.ex#i'm putting several of my verses/potential verses into a pot and mixing them#survives springlock -> starts going by alias (NOT dave or steve. my own cringefail alias for him) -> creates glitch#-> is involved in sending glitch to the game developers in help wa.nted -> brand rebuilding -> begins building pizza.plex#(we don't ask abt money) -> builds greg.ory at some point (unless i'm writing with a human grego.ry of course!!)#-> working with vanes.sa to continue his murder exploits/etc#listen if everyone else can have a 'X owns the pizzapl.ex' verse so can i KFHDSLHFAS#technically immortal william who wants to rebuild/reclaim his family + has more power than ever? HELL HELL HELL#'does this mean he built the glamr.ocks in this verse' debatable because i feel like ru.in might've given some strong evidence#to either henry or michael having made them (if everything we're seeing is true blah blah etc)#and i kinda love that BUT they are also similar to the funti.mes imo#so. either mike or william prob in MY verse. no assumptions on canon tho.#btw just to be clear: unless your bio/etc says your greg.ory IS a robot i will /always/ assume he's human. don't worry abt that.#ruin spoilers
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tag dump! because tumblr is not saving my tags anymore and I hope this helps and if not, well ... idk :')
#‘⠀I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU ( IC )#‘⠀I AM SATISFIED WITH MY CARE ( OOC )#‘⠀WHAT IF WE REWRITE THE STARS? ( HEADCANON )#‘⠀SWEET ATLAS ( SELF )#‘⠀THIS CONSTANT COMPROMISE BETWEEN THINKING AND BREATHING ( MUSINGS )#‘⠀WE WERE FREE TO BE EVERYTHING WE DREAMED ( BEHAVIOR )#‘⠀WEARING MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE ( PROMPTS )#‘⠀I'LL GIVE YOU ALL I HAVE‚ AND ALL I HAVE TO GIVE ( ANSWERS )#‘⠀YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS YET BUT PEOPLE NEED YOU ( ANON )#‘⠀UNFORGETTABLE IN EVERY WAY AND FOREVER MORE ( PROMO )#‘⠀MY NAME IS TADASHI HAMADA ( SELF PROMO )#‘⠀IT’S SO HARD TO NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF ( DASH GAMES )#‘⠀FEEL YOUR STRESS MELTING AWAY ( AESTHETICS )#‘⠀COME IN MY BED‚ COME BACK TO HEAVEN ( DESIRES )#‘⠀LOVE CAN TOUCH US ONE TIME AND LAST FOR A LIFETIME ( SAVED )#‘⠀CHAMPION ON‚ ARES ( HIRO HAMADA )#‘⠀GUIDE ME‚ ATHENA ( AUNT CASS )#‘⠀TOUCH ME‚ MIDAS ( FRED )#‘⠀BRIGHTEN ME‚ APOLLO ( HONEY LEMON )#‘⠀MOVE ME‚ HERMES ( GO GO )#‘⠀CHARM ME‚ APHRODITE ( WASABI )#‘⠀HEAL US‚ PERSEPHONE ( BAYMAX )
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sauce is still ALIVE!
it’s been sooooo very long since i’ve logged on here but i helloooo!! i wanted to let whoever is still around that i am active elsewhere, clownin about! a come back will eventually happen in the future but i haven’t decided if i want to revamp this one or just move… still deciding on that! either way, the overhaul for everything will be huge so it will take some time (especially since i’m revamping pages for my other blog currently as well)!!!
if ya want to continue to rp or something i’m over at @2citiez ! same rules apply, very crossover friendly, au friendly & whatever have ya! be warned tho!!! i’ve unlinked the carrd cuz i’m redoing all the info (but i can send ya the link to the pages that are done)!! oh ya & i cant log into my old dis.cord so if you want my new one just ask!
#/ coming on here gives me feelings bro– i miss this place & the vibe sm ♥︎♥︎♥︎!#/ sad to see so many archived blogs but happy to see so many still doing their thangs 🥲#/ ik the 2 muses i rp rn aren’t from many of tf fandoms i rp’ed on here but buddy listen– w/ brainrot comes crazy crossover madness—#/ DONT TEST ME (kidding– test me we can figure a lil something out LOL)#/ alsoooooooooooooo i saw my spotify wrapped & i–#/ seeing the same song crack top 2 THREE YEARS in a row is hilarious!!#/ eeeeeerm YEA! das it! i’m gonna go back to writing my carrd shit which is *cries*#/ i hope everyone enjoys the holidays & if ya don’t celebrate anything just take care of yourself!! PEACE ♥︎♥︎♥︎!!!!!
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#Listen#I hyperfocus on threads and dynamics#I'm very aware of that#Autism + ADD its hard for me to divvy my attention equally across all of my followers#Threads are going to fall to the wayside it happens#It happens quite a bit#But if I tell you that I'm interested in your muse and/or a thread that's been sitting on the Backburner#I'm not saying that to appease you or like spare your feelings#I don't follow people I'm not interested in writing with#Because my focus isn't centered on you /right now/ doesn't not mean that I'm not interested in writing with you#It can take a hot minute for me to get back to shit full disclosure#But if you come to me upfront and ask me if I am or am not interested in any given thread or muse#You're going to get an honest answer#If you choose not to believe it then I don't know what to tell you man#Siiiiiigh#;negative#TBD
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//Something I relate to with Samurai Jack, is that feeling of life finding every opportunity to push you back down, to kick your legs out from under you, bring you to your knees, leave you screaming, in pain, desperate, on fire. And yet to persevere, not just for your sake, but because you don’t see any other way. And somehow, even limping, you’ll find a way to wring out peace, happiness, contentment, love, and passion from this never ending path of pain. If you are to suffer, but there is no other way, there must be joy to be gripped with white knuckles and hungry claws, to fight for peace and to strive for hope even in the midst of all your anger and confusion and despair.
I may feel like there’s no way out, but I’ve got to keep moving. There are people out there depending on me to not give up. I can’t let these forces trying to cut my journey to an abrupt end win— even if I’m tired, even if I feel like it’s too much. When I feel alone, I let my mind picture what they’d want, I let myself mourn and wonder and wish, but I don’t let it give up. I can’t go see you yet. I have more to do. Watch me and I will see you when my work is done. But I will hold onto you for all of my life. I will make my life a service to you, my actions a memorial that can be trailed to you. In every move I make I will tell the ones I love, gone and with me, “this is for you, this is for you,” and when I live, even with tears and anger and joy, “this is for you.”
#『名誉: musings』#『 out of robes 』#『 meta 』#『 sharkie chews the scenery 』#//and maybe someday once the oppressive darkness doesn’t feel so close I can say ‘this is for me too’.#//hi guys I bet you weren’t surprised when I didn’t actually start rping again after trying to come back#//that’s because I posted that promo got zero response and felt discouraged#//and then life threw every awful thing it had at me.#//I feel like haven’t been able to do anything but fight to survive lately. been in a bad place#//and right as new year’s started I lost a very very beloved friend and pet unexpectedly and too soon#//I’ve lost a lot of loved ones these past few years. it builds up. I think this last loss was the most unexpected though.#//since then I’ve been in a worse state mentally that I probably have been since high school#//but I refuse to give up hope because that’s what helped me climb out of my last endless pit#//I’ve been really wanting to write Jack again since I posted the promo but haven’t really had much I could do#//plus I’ve been battling all this irl stuff and it’s made it hard to find much left over for hobbies#//but I’m posting this both as a love letter for jack and for those here I care about#//and to say I’m still here. I won’t abandon Jack I don’t think. he means too much to me#//I’m thinking if I start rping him again I’m going to worry less about cosmetics and worry more about getting something written#//I’ve been worried about trying to be presented in a nice aesthetic fashion but tbh I think that’s blocking me from actually doing things#//I’d like to do a soft restart and maybe focus more on the people I know have talked to me and talk to them#//hopefully you will have me back after to much time away and waffling to get started again. I had decent reasons but still#//being away does a lot to severe decent connections#//anyway. Jack means Hope and Healing to me. no matter how much he goes through it isn’t about the pain.#//it’s about the Herculean yet incredibly human task of overcoming constant and monumental odds because you care.#//because at your core is hope and passion and love.#//I‘ve been crying writing this so it’s probably very sappy and unpolished but I’m not sorry lol#//listening to my old playlists I used to play on loop whenever writing Jack or thinking about him and it made me emotional
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