#and I am so fucking happy to be alive and 22??? like turning 22 was not in the game plan. I am in shock fr

[stardstgf]

22 today and happy to be alive

[bitchimasnake-sss]

from me to you ft. roronoa zoro!

set-up: anon asked me to write angst :) 32 year zoro had lost you two years ago. but when he finds himself back in time, face to face with a 22 year old and and alive you, what will he do?

warnings: none, just some good ole angst; not proofread at all :/

"how did you get that scar then?" chopper asked, tracing another deep scar on the older man's shoulder.

"i was fighting a warlord." the older zoro shrugged, finding comfort in the way the young reindeer marvelled at his story.

"did you win then?" ussop asked next.

the younger version of the swordsman cut in, "ofcourse he did. he's me."

"not to credit you," the older version bickered, "but yes ofcourse, i did win."

"what do you mean 'not to credit you'. i am the reason you even got to that point-"

"yes but you didn't fight the warlord, i did."

"I AM YOU-"

"oh my god, stop bickering with yourself" nami groaned, "when will the rest be back? im growing so tired of looking after you children."

"i am a decade older than you." the older swordsman answered back.

the rest of the crew was out exploring the port town where the sunny was docked. it was about to be sun-down and the two zoros, nami, ussop and chopper waited for the others to return back.

hours passed and the older man had found himself walking around the ship, reminiscing in the old times. somehow, for someone as much of a shitty memory as him, he could recall every stain, every dent. he could recall every place ussop fucked up or luffy damaged or you-

you. you. you.

and now he could hear footsteps on the deck. more importantly, he could hear you. so, his feet moved to their own accord. he navigated through the ship easily, muscle memory taking ahold of his body. taking him to the deck, taking him to you.

the older swordsman stepped out onto the happening deck and there you were.

you - along with the rest of the crew - turned your attention to the green-haired man that had materialized on the deck. and then, the entire crew erupted into chaos. the younger version of luffy comically looked from one zoro to another, sanji stood with his mouth wide apart and robin looked slightly alarmed.

but none of that mattered.

none of them were you.

the twenty-two year old version of you was looking at the older man, mildly amused. you giggled and then poked nami, saying something along the lines of "he looks like a dilf" or something. but the older man didn't care, or more so he couldn't.

it was night yet he could point out every wayward freckle across your cheek. you shivered and he held back from giving you his kimono. you walked over to his younger version and that green-haired boy pressed a kiss to your forehead the same way he wanted to.

you were there.

in flesh and blood, you were there.

and maybe that's why he turned his back on you and walked into that old cabin of his. maybe that's why he locked the door and slumped against the wood with a heavy sigh. maybe that's why he covered his eyes with his palm and tried to blink the tears away.

you were gone. you had been, for the past two years. and he had learnt to live with that absence. learnt to swallow down any memories of you that came creeping up like bile. learnt to only smile in his dreams when he saw you again.

shouldn't he be happy he saw you again? shouldn't he be glad you smiled at him again? he should be, right?

then why wasn't he? why did it hurt him more to see you laughing that it did when he saw your cold corpse?

"uhm-" your voice called from outside, unsure, "zo- zoro? are you in there?"

he pressed his palm flatter against his eyes and sighed, "i'll be out in a minute, please wait"

"are you okay?" you asked softly and when he didn't reply, you asked again, "can i come in?"

wordlessly, he turned around and opened the door. and wordlessly, you crashed against him, hugging the older man.

letting go of whatever restraints he had, he held you against him tightly. he closed his eyes, relishing in the way your warmth felt against him, the way your cheek was resting against his chest, the way your tresses tickled his skin.

"you looked like you could use a hug." you mumbled against him, "it must be insane, to go through this time travel thing right?"

but the older man just pursed his lips tighter, trying to hold onto the love of his life as long as he could. he tried to fight off the welling tears as you let go of him and looked up at him.

"you smell nice. looks like you're actualy showering huh?" you laughed, "and i can't believe you got even more tall. i look like a child in front of you!"

zoro smiled despite himself, "hate to break it to ya, but you stay this size your entire life."

"what?! no!" you laughed again in disbelief, "really??"

he just nodded and you hit his chest playfully. then you said, "well i have so many questions for you. should i ask? please please pl-"

"anything for you." he replied mindlessly.

"look at you, such a romantic. your younger version could learn a thing or two." you paused, "my future version must be really happy with you, huh- wait, we're still together right?"

zoro was silenced. then, he put on a smile, "yeah, we are. and i guess she's pretty happy."

"are you?"

it was a simple question and yet, zoro felt like his being was set ablaze by just those two words. though his mouth felt like it was full of tar, he managed to say, "yeah, more or less"

you cocked an eyebrow, "you know you're a terrible liar."

"i-" he gave you a tired smile, "things have just been hard for the past few years, that's all."

"oh," you gave him a nudge, "but as long you've got me, things will be okay, yeah?"

he scoffed, as if rejecting your suggestion. you met the older man's gaze with confusion, as if asking him if you said something wrong.

his eyes softened, voice barely audible. he asked you, "and what if i lost you?"

"dumbass, you can never lose me. i'm with you, always."

"what if?"

"then..." you pondered for a second. finally, you raised your wrist to the green-haired swordsman's eyelevel. the silver charm bracelet shone dimly in the lit room. you shook your wrist and the soft melody of the charms filled the room, "you can keep this, to remember me."

zoro's gaze was transfixed on the charm bracelet, his eye catching each miniscule metallic movement, "you- you lost this bracelet."

"i did?" you tilted your head.

"i mean- in a couple years you will. we had docked on a summer island and you lost it while exploring the town."

you watched the way the man stared at your wrists and you made your decision, "take it."

"but it's your favourite jewelry-"

"well, if i'm gonna lose it anyways-" you took off the bracelet with little trouble, "then i think you should keep it."

you gave him another smile, delicately placing the dainty bracelet in his calloused palm, "maybe you can give it back to my future self when you're back in the present. i am sure she'd like the surprise of having it back."

before zoro could protest, his younger version barged into the cabin. the younger boy hissed at the older man, "give me back my girlfriend, oldy."

the older man didn't ignore the way you laughed. you took languid steps to reach the younger boy and then you melted in his arm as you laughed.

he loved you then, he loved you now. he knows he would love you beyond this.

and that's all that matters.

roronoa zoro, aged 32, had disappeared for three days. he refused to tell anyone where he had gone. but when he returned, he sported a new chain round his neck with old charms. nobody on the crew bought the chain up, they didn't need to.

because for the first time in two years, the swordsman could crack open a smile when he greeted them.

and that's all that mattered.

💗a/n: definitely gonna be posting sanji's part as soon as im done with it! sanji's part

[moonlight-starlight-lady01]

How...how are you alive?

Kenji sato x Fem! [Different demention] Reader.

☆♡☆♡☆

SUMMARY:Ken had a lover named Y/n, but she had passed away. He was devastated from that. Then 2 years later his mother was declared dead. So he took the opportunity to move to japan and restart his career in his home country. But then something strange happened. There was a exact copy of his lover in his living room. Except she wasnt his y/n. She was different.....from a different demention.

[A/n:Im gonna try and make this into like a series i guess lol]

(Warning: sexual tension, angst, confusion, crying, my cutie ken sad basically the whole story. Y/n has brown eyes & brown hair[ya know bc shes from a different demention]<tell me if i missed any>)

Pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5.

♡♡♡♡

It was different. Sad. Not like what he had thought his life would feel like. Y/n had died 2 years ago because of cancer. He remembers her blue eyes sparkling like the ocean when the sun began to rise from the night sky. Her blonde hair swaying in the wind perfectly all fluffy and soft. Her plumped lips smiling showing her pearly white teeth. Her dress would be thigh length and sway in the wind so majestically. Her sweet voice would say the most beautiful things when she spoke. But then....her eyes became dried cracked wholes in her head. Her hair began to fall out and become like straw. Her smile started to turn into a signature line. Her voice started to sound ruff and hard. But one thing never changed. How much she loved Kenji. Everytime she saw him walk into her hospital room with the signature red roses and smiling happy to see her fiancé. But then it all ended with that one last beep on the monitor. After that he didnt want to find love ever again. It hurt to much. The sound of her laughter when they would cuddle and tickle each other. Or when they would wake up with each other in bed and stay there all day. It wouldn't be the same.

Then 2 years after that his mom was declared dead. Something snapped in him. He moved to japan to restart his career and forget about everything that wanted to make him cry all day.

So now he was on his way to play basbell. The Giants. Fight as Ultra man. And restart. But how he had asked to please make the pain stop to anything that could have the power to. Anything.

.

.

.

That was until he woke up to a crashing in his living room and a female screaming.

He had grabbed his baseball bat and tip toed to the sound. It was a girl. A women. She turned around and looked at him scared.

.

.

.

It was Y/n.

But it wasn't her exactly....She has brown hair and brown eyes. Probably taller than her and more plump in some areas...*ahem*.

"(Y/n?)"

She looked even more confused. "Uh, yes" she said uncertain. "Who are you and why the fuck am i here?"

He was in shock. Why was there someone that looked like his y/n but so so different. Plus his y/n never cussed. The only bad word he ever heard her say was crap. And she said fuck like shes used to saying it.

"W-Wait, you dont know me?" Kenji asked confused. He waited for her answer. ".....nooo?"

Fuck. What the fuck. How is this possible.

But, after some time. He learned that Y/n was 22 and was living in California. She worked at a cafe and book store to make ends meat. She was the complete opposite to what y/n was like. She didn't even have the same color at all like her. Brown hair, brown eyes, playful/sassy attitude and less innocent.

"Well, can you help me get to my home demention because like ya know, im not suppose to be in this one?"

Damn. She's right. She has to go home sometime. He looks at her thinking.

"Plus, everytime you look at me your litterely burning holes into my ass and tits"

Yep she definitely not his Y/n. How will this go now. His life is already a mess to began with...

♡♡♡♡

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 45

chapter 68:

1. “Some of those ashes could be Marlene.” bro wtf

2. listing out the names of the people who died in war destroyed me

3. james reacting to his father’s death by flinching away from effie had me broken. i’m destroyed. unwell

4. “The worst part is, when he says what he does next, it's not even a question. "After that, you're leaving."

Sirius' eyes flutter shut, and he croaks, "Yeah, Reggie, I'm leaving again."”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING IM UNWELL I WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN!!! I WILL NEVER BE FINE AGAIN

5. “”Sirius, I love you more than anything. You're the first person in this world I ever loved at all. Not Mother, not Father, not James; it was you.”” STILL SCREAMING STILL CRYING STILL SOBBING STILL UNWELL

6. okay just all of the stuff with the black brothers has me in tears. their bond is unbreakable and my heart is in fact very breakable. i’m shattered over them

7. dorcas hasn’t left that spot in over twenty four hours and boy am i worried for her. she needs water. she needs to go pee, i’m sure. she needs to eat something and to rest

8. “Just not afraid to die, then?

No, I'm rather used to it, actually.”

STILL SCREAMING OVER MARLENE!!! STILL SOBBING ACTUALLY

9. “"You. Even you," Dorcas declares harshly, glaring at her. "I'd rather it be you. Instead of her, I'd rather you be dead."”

WOAH! hold up!!! i love marlene as much as the next gal, but nobody goes after my girl lily. she fought and fought and fought as well. she deserved to make it to this side of war too! she tried to keep marlene alive too. hold your horses dorcas.

10. 😧 did you just shoot my lily??? MY LILY??? holy fucking shit. she’s insane.

11. “Some of that blood must have been Marlene's. Dorcas wishes she had bathed in it; Dorcas wants to turn back time and drown in it.” 😟 i’m worried

12. “Never, through any of this, did [James] imagine losing his dad.” kill me. it would be more merciful than making me live after reading that

13. “Monty loved Sirius like a father did; Sirius is allowed to mourn him as a son would.” calling my freind again while sobbing brb

14. god I don’t know how to explain it, but every time pandora is mentioned and she’s alive i let out a huge sigh of relief

15. AROACE PANDORA SUPREMACY

16. i’m so horridly upset that lily lost almost everyone. she lost her family, she lost sybil, she lost kingsley, and dorcas tried to shoot her, so i’m pretty sure she lost her too. lily tried to not love anybody because she was scared of losing them, and sure enough, she was right

17. i get upset when everyone talks about going separate ways. i want everyone to live in one big town and live right next door to each other. i’m thinking hogwarts vibes (except better, ya know) or maybe the mansion they all lived in at the start of ahb!

18. as much as it upsets me that sirius is going to be leaving james and effie and regulus, i’m genuinely so happy that sirius is going to stay with remus

19. oh. i see why sirius has to leave. it’s best for everyone to heal a little before sirius sees his james and regulus again. because otherwise they won’t be able to heal

20. i love wolfstar, and this is so emotional but like, “Just—for right now, what I need is to be with you. I want—that's what I want.” all that does is remind me of high school musical with the “ALL I WANNA DOOOO IS BEE WITH YOU! ONLY YOU! NO MATTER WHERE LIFE TAKES US, NOTHING CAN BREAK US APAAAART, YOU KNOW ITS TRUE, I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOUUUU”

21. ““I wish I did love him that way," Regulus confesses, "because it would have been easier than this. It would have been easier to define how losing him feels, but it's not. James, it's not."”

god, i ache for him. like so badly. i so badly want him to have barty back. more than any other character. (sorry to marlene and monty and sybil and literally everyone else who died)

22. “It's still been three days since the end of the war, and Regulus wonders when they'll stop measuring the passage of time that way.” 😟

23. “Doomed to be a great, big tragedy.” *eye twitch* i’m fine. *even bigger eye twitch*

24. look, i know in the future, everyone will be together again and as happy as they can ever be. but rn, i’m sad

chapter 69:

1. “"I don't care!" Aberforth shouts. "I don't give a damn about your fucked up love story with our sister's murderer, Albus! The fact that you even came to love him to begin with sickens me, let alone that you continued to after he killed Ariana, and still do to this day!"” hell yeah put him in his place

2. “The dead sister card is a little underhanded, admittedly, but Aberforth knows a thing or two about manipulation tactics. He'd have to. Albus is his older brother, after all.” LMAOOOOOO

3. lily mentioning children and sirius and remus just locking eyes and panicking was so fucking funny. bro i’m wheezing

4. BRO AND THEN REGULUS BEING LIKE “you’ve??? never thought about kids??????? wtf??? me and james are having four you little loser??????”

5. dorcas just marching in has me so fucking scared ngl

6. oh god, dorcas became the president coin in this. she wants to make a new hunger games. oh god. oh no

7. as horrifying as it was to see sirius’ train of thought, him being the first one to say no is so fucking satisfying oh my god

8. good for remus fucking standing up for lily. everyone is blaming lily, and finally remus speaks up that the blame cannot rest on lily alone

9. 😧😧 not albus suggesting the jegulus wedding to help with the aftermath. bro he’s fucking insane. it’s so hallow-like of him to suggest that oh my god

10. oh my god dorcas has gone insane, is she about to tell everyone how albus was in love with grindlewald. that’s fucking insane oh my god i can’t wait

11. oh my god it’s even better. it’s that he came up with the rule for the quarterly quell. oh my god this is gonna be great

12. 😧 holy shit. sirius just killed albus. imma be so real, i expected one person to not leave that table, and i thought it would be dorcas, not albus. i thought she would be killed

13. minerva asking lily to be a medic and help save albus, and lily just not will forever be iconic to me

14. as a punishment they banned sirius from the hallow 😭😭😭 babes they knew they had to come up with some punishment as like a way to show actions have consequences, but they chose one that sirius would love 😭😭 that’s so funny to me bro

15. alberforth finally leaving his home is a very satisfying character arch

16. “this story is, first and foremost, about siblings—primarily sirius and regulus ofc—like that is the whole point of this fic, the core of it over anything else. and that feels right considering the source material, like in thg, it was always about katniss' love for prim and how important that was over peeta or gale or anyone else. and i just. i really adore that, and hope i paid a good homage to that, because i really admire it.”

you did. you did pay homage to that. it was abundantly clear that this was about siblings. and i love you for it. thank you, if you see this

alrighty six more chapters to go! i’m in the home stretch yall

[lucero-is-here]

The camera turns on, as it slowly focuses on someone sitting neatly in a chair. They are eating some candy, and are wearing a top hat

“Good evening, morning or afternoon ladies, gentlemen and folks! I am your host, Lucero Moone. And it’s headcanon time. Today we have Rockley Rochester as our star guest!”

Requested by:

I’ve seen this man before, and I quite like him. Now let’s get to him!

- pansexual. He doesn’t really care who he dates. As long as they treat him right and support his career and love him, he’s good.

- he talks in third person sometimes. Like: “Rockley is going to commit crimes make more candy!”

- he likes anything that sparkles and shines- he likes sparkly things.

- has an insane amount of strength- he’s really strong. When he formally met Arthur, he grabbed and shook Arthur’s hand so hard Arthur’s hand was probably going to break.

- he cannot eat too much sugar- or else he’s going hyper. If he eats too much candy in a day, he’s not getting any sleep-

- he’s really good with mechanics. Similar to Larry, he’s good with mechanics and clockwork!

- has the attention span of a teaspoon with ten holes drilled into it. Basically cannot pay attention to anything unless he’s super interested in it-

- loves all his family members to death. Whenever he meets any of them, he runs over and hugs them and lifts them up. Two examples: When Bernadine was like…20 and he was like 22, he ran over, hugged her and lifted her up because of how excited he was to see his cousin again. And when he met Arthur a second time, he literally hugged Arthur and lifted him off the floor-

- he pretends he’s a velociraptor. He does the little velociraptor hands and stands on his tip tops and pretends to be one-

- he loves candy a lot. Which is obvious. But he would eat candy for breakfast- and he has a really really big sweet tooth.

- high heels boots. Cause they make him look ✨FABULOUS✨

- his nails are painted with glitter nail polish

- IF YOU’RE DATING HIM- EXPECT REALLY EXPENSIVE GIFTS OR A HELL OF A LOAD OF SWEETS-

- he fights with Larry every now and then.

- messy handwriting, and is fast writer.

- if you (as a friend or more than friends) tell him you like something, he’s buying it without hesitation for you-

- he bought an airship once. He was just supposed to buy eggs- but he remembered to get the eggs so all is good.

Leopold: Don’t. Forget. The. Eggs.

Rockley: buys an airship. Oh and he got the eggs this time

- when he’s super happy, he starts jumping up and down like a rabbit-

- he can play the violin- and he’s really good at it too. Leopold taught him.

- He told Horatio to go fuck himself after learning about the shit Horatio did.

- he can be super super sassy- it scares the hell out of anyone cause he gets really sassy and almost a bit mean.

- went to Justin Lawson’s grave and said: who’s laughing and alive now Lawson.

- dressed up as the mad hatter for halloween once.

This is all I have for this silly man. If I think of more a part 2 will come up. And why do I find him adorable for no reason- he gives me mad hatter vibes for some reason-

[thisnevermeantnothingtoyou]

What’s Wrong With New York? The Dare, 2024

Open Up - 2:41 This is a fucking amazing album opener, high energy, shouty bits, cheeky lyrics & a nice flow. It feels fun & it is fun, I love fun music. “I know it might be hard to swallow. But it’s much better if you get a taste”

Good Time - 2:13 This has been out so no new thoughts. It’s just a broke horny song… I like it. It’s fun, but it’s not a fave lyrically but I’m not gonna turn it off.

Perfume - 2:27 This song is so stupid and fun & nonsensical, & horny but polite about it? Ya know? “They say it’s only for girls but they’re too scared to try”

Girls - 2:00 Open Up is the best album opener but Girls is the BEST debut single. It’s cheeky, upbeat, establishes his voice & style, it goes hard. “They say I’m too fucking horny, wanna put me in a cage, I’d probably fuck the hole in the wall the guy before made”

I Destroyed Disco - 2:22 Oh now this I love, it’s self aggrandizing to an almost unbearable degree it’s so cunty about it, the breakdown is so good I am forgiving it for the lack of third verse or chorus lol “what’s a blogger to a rocker? What’s a rocker to The Dare?”

You’re Invited - 2:32 This is more nonsensical than Good Time… but I do like it more so? “It might get violent, dance to the sirens”

All Night - 3:53 Borderline tender horny one night stand anthem? Okay! This song is nearly four minutes and it does feel a lot longer than the other so he in the album but it works, both because… song is good but also adds to the “all night”ness of it all. I love the chorus! “if your feeling scared, know they are only tears, you will be alright we can feel alive all night”

Elevation - 3:57 Oh this is… wow. Fucking he’ll so much for thinking this was gonna be happy songs only. I love how intense and mossy the song feels while retaining the same sonic feel of the album. “I still believe and I still care” is a raw fucking line.

Movement - 2:31 Harrison you’re stretching the “accent” a bit much, & I think this verges on too 80s… but… I do like it. Also that’s not a chorus but I forgive you. I think this would work better as an instrumental “I don’t wanna die I just need some rest” same.

You Can Never Go Home - 2:48 This is the perfect closing track my god. It pulls the more emotional and vulnerable sides from All Night and Elevation with the forget & be happy from Good Time and You’re Invited “You can never go home”

Now that I’ve heard the record I can understand why Sex didn’t make the cuts but I do still love it & forgotten child bloodwork. Normally I’d do a top 5 of songs that are newly released but uh… there’s a total of six so bye bye movement :/ but here’s my top 3! I Destroyed Disco, Open Up & You Can Never Go Home. This entire album was a trip & I love it, defo getting added to my roster of “I’m in the mood to listen to an album” albums. It’s a full complete work that I think is going to stick around my playlists for a while.

[drowninginredink]

10 and 22 for the fic ask game [asoue]? :)

For 22? If I'm writing it, there is always going to be more angst than fluff. Especially in ASOUE. I mean, I've vaguely learned how to be fluffy in my adventures writing smosh fic (although I eventually got super sick of that fluff and my smosh WIPs have mostly gotten angsty again), but in ASOUE? No, if I'm writing for the "no happy endings" series, that's an excuse to go all in on the angst.

As for 10? Fuck it, let's share a whole 650 word scene from the Klaus/Lemony fic that I really like and should really go back to working on. God, talk about angst.

Klaus waited until they moved to a hotel room with a balcony to bring it up. By now, he knew that when Lemony was at his most melancholic, he smoked. Klaus wanted to save this particular observation for when Lemony was in one of his gloomier moods, and he didn't want to leave the hotel room to do so. It felt intrusive to follow Lemony all the way out the hotel doors. When Lemony was on the balcony, on the other hand, he’d never truly left. Klaus let Lemony get halfway through his cigarette before he stepped out onto the balcony. He tried to hide that he was checking Lemony’s progress, but knowing Lemony, he had probably still sensed that he was being watched.  It was a tiny balcony. There were no chairs or table, just a few feet of space and a railing for Lemony to lean over. Klaus didn’t bother to close the door behind him. He knew he should to prevent the smoke from tainting the hotel room. But closing the door was admitting to starting a conversation. Klaus didn’t want a conversation, not really. He just wanted to get the thought out of his head.  “We should have gone with you. That night, at the Hotel Denouement.”It was the first time Klaus admitted that he knew Lemony had been the taxi driver that night. Klaus hadn’t been able to see him, then, but the voice had stuck in his mind. It was calm, quiet, and gentle, the opposite of what one would expect from a man offering to spirit away wanted criminals. Maybe that was why the Baudelaires hadn’t gone with them. Its peace was too foreign. Their worlds hadn’t been calm or gentle for a long time.  Lemony didn’t answer with words, instead turning to face Klaus. He simply stared at him. There was no furrow of his brow, no facial expression to indicate agreement or disagreement. Just the turn of his head, to prompt Klaus to continue. But what was there to say, except the obvious? “If we had gone with you, Violet and Sunny would be here. And Beatrice would be with Kit. They’d all be alive.” “Or we would all be dead.” This time, it was Klaus who stayed silent, waiting for his partner to continue.  “I cannot know for sure what would have happened. I do know one thing, however; it is much easier to hide your identity when living alone. A large group is easier to track. Especially a group where one of the members is young and needs to attend school. We would not have been able to move and switch aliases frequently. I could have homeschooled Sunny, but even then, law enforcement take much more notice of children who move around frequently than of adult men. It would be difficult. I am not sure I would have succeeded.” Lemony finally broke eye contact with Klaus. He had to be finding the right thing to say, as if there were any words that could be comforting after such an admission. All Klaus’ weeks of waiting to broach the subject, and Lemony had already put it to rest. Klaus shouldn’t have been surprised.  Klaus slipped back through the balcony door, and closed it behind him. He returned to his seat, though not to his novel. He needed a moment to think. Klaus had gotten what he wanted. Lemony made sure that thought would leave his head. As was Lemony’s nature, he replaced Klaus’ speculation with the grim truth. Somehow, the life Klaus was living was the best way things could have gone, with his siblings turned to ash, and himself little more than a ghost. This existence of wandering from place to place, attached to Lemony's side, was the greatest life he could have hoped for.

GOD I just. Them. The codependence. The way they are both shells of themselves, living ghosts haunted by everything they've lost. They have no one left but each other, so even though Lemony is old enough to be Klaus' father, they cling in this relationship that isn't really romantic or platonic, just sexual and codependent and there.

[theygender]

2023 Tumblr Top 10

1. 104,722 notes - Mar 1 2023

2. 88,448 notes - Jan 30 2023

Anyone else feel like things have been Very recently? Like it's all just getting a little Too for me

3. 39,294 notes - Nov 6 2023

In the club saying shit like "frankly" and "in all honesty"

4. 33,427 notes - Jul 6 2023

If you ever find yourself thinking "oh it's only ██:00, I still have plenty of time before this turns into sleep deprivation" that is the devil speaking. Go to bed NOW before it’s too late

5. 2,403 notes - Jan 24 2023

Nona is the most character ever. She's been alive for 6 months but her body is 19 years old and her soul is 10,002 years old and her soul’s original body is 4.6 billion years old. She’s existed long enough to know everything but she hasn’t been alive long enough to understand it. She knows every human language but she just learned to talk last month and she still can’t read or write. She knows humans better than they know themselves but she’s still figuring out the being human part. She’s unfathomably old and incredibly young all at once. Her birthday is in five days and she wants you to be there

6. 874 notes - May 21 2023

TLT fans: did you guys know about the real Wake? I hadn’t heard about her until we covered World War II in my world civ class this semester

Nancy Grace Augusta Wake (1912-2011) was a covert operative who was at the top of the Nazi’s most wanted list in WW2, nicknamed “The White Mouse” for her ability to repeatedly evade capture. She was born in New Zealand with Māori heritage, grew up in Australia, and joined the Resistance after traveling to Europe and witnessing the harsh treatment of Jews in Vienna by the Nazis

...

7. 692 notes - Feb 22 2023

Thinking about the way that John Gaius went from being an avid anti-capitalist, environmentalist, and humanist; the only person left in existence who may have been able to keep Earth and all of her children alive through the coming apocalypse and had the drive to keep working on saving the world even when it seemed hopeless, no matter what obstacles were thrown his way… To becoming not only the person who pulled the trigger to personally kill the Earth and everyone left on it, but also becoming the god-king of a colonialist murdering empire of his own making, killing every planet that crosses his path? I’m chewing through my power cable and it’s gonna make me short circuit

8. 368 notes - Jun 6 2023

I accidentally set the time limit to 24 hours on the last one so it's time for round 2 

How tall are you?

...

9. 248 notes - Aug 9 2023

10. 153 notes - Mar 7 2023

Certified autism moment. I finally got through all the training modules in my new job and got to move on to the FUN part of messing around with excel. I’ve spent the last 7 hours coding excel sheets and I am over the fucking moon happy about it. This is like the equivalent of playing in a sandbox for me

Created by TumblrTop10

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Heart’s Choice - Chapter 22

*Warning Adult Content*

- Carlos -

I've never been able to pinpoint the exact moment my consciousness slips free of my body and leaves it behind.

I just know when it's happened.

I know it's happened when I open my eyes and find myself outside the circle, watching myself and John.

My body looks still and peaceful as a statue of the seated Buddha, while John watches warily, on the lookout for any sign of a change.

For the moment, we're both safe.

Things are under control and I sense only one other presence.

"Mr. Martinez?"

I turn, my astral body feeling as real as my physical one and see Kyle watching me from the shadows in the corner of the shop.

Right. Not creepy at all."

Kyle?" I move towards him cautiously. "Are you okay?"

His eyes gleam with uncanny light, like an animal's at night.

"I'm scared," he whispers.

Christ. Poor kid.

"Do you remember what happened?"

He shakes his head.

"I went to buy lunch. Then... I was back here. I keep trying to leave. Sometimes I go home. But I always come back here."

Great. He's stuck in a loop.

I suck my bottom lip and try to come up with the right words.

"Kyle, it's okay. Don't worry about lunch. I'm not hungry anymore. Are you?"

"No," he says, his voice small and soft as a child's. "I don't feel anything anymore. What's happening to me, Mr. Martinez? Why am I like this?"

Fuck. This is messed up.

I hold out my hand to him.

"Kyle, come here. I'm gonna show you something, okay?"

With heartbreaking trust, he comes towards me and takes my hand.

"Close your eyes. I'm gonna take us somewhere. Don't open them until I say."

He nods and shuts his creepily gleaming eyes obediently.

I shut mine as well and envision the place I want to take us as strongly as I can.

When the sounds and smells of the location surround me, I open my eyes and blink against the glare of a bright, mid-morning sun, which makes me very glad my astral body isn't as hungover as my physical one.

"Okay, you can look now," I say.

Kyle blinks and rubs a hand, still blackened with ghostly engine grease, against his brow.

"Why are we in a cemetery, Mr. Martinez?"

Confronting someone with the fact of their death isn't the gentlest way to go about getting them to realize that they're dead but I need Kyle to get the point quickly.

It seems like he's fragmented, probably shattered by the extreme trauma of the manner in which he was killed and he doesn't seem aware of our previous encounters.

He probably forgets everything he's done as soon as he resets in the garage, like an NPC restarting a level in a video game.

Like the Ghost of Christmas Past, I point to the plain, budget grave marker at Kyle's feet.

It's not even a headstone... just a small plaque set in the grass and like someone trying to read in a dream, Kyle struggles to make out what it says.

I give him a minute and when he finally figures it out, his spirit flickers and loses a few shades of saturation as he looks up at me with eyes full of tragic defeat.

"Oh, yeah. I'm dead," he says. "I keep forgetting. Sorry, Mr. Martinez."

"It's okay. I just wanna help you. Do you remember what happened?"

Kyle gets a faraway look, as if he's daydreaming about something else... literally another life but after a moment, he shakes his head.

"Sorry, Mr. Martinez. I remember going for lunch. There were no burgers left. I was afraid you'd be mad, so I went... somewhere else. Then it's all... blurry after that."

I bite back a sigh of exasperation.

On the one hand, it's a mercy Kyle doesn't remember what happened to him.

Seeing his insides become outsides, while he was still alive and knowing there was no way he could survive something like that, is a trauma that would break anyone's mind.

On the other hand, it would have been really convenient if he could just tell me who the bad guy was.

"What's the last thing you remember clearly?" I ask.

"Someone called my name," he says. "They called me and I was happy because..."

He trails off as his expression goes blank.

He flickers again, now so drained of color he's practically in black and white.

'Fuck, I'm losing him. If he resets, I'll have to start all over.'

"Kyle, concentrate. Who was it? Who called your name?"

"My name?"

He looks at me and suddenly his eyes are completely clear and lucid and full of fear.

"My parents."

"What? Kyle, your parents are..."

Sheer terror contorts his face and he reaches for me, grasping my left shoulder with a hand like ice.

'Find my parents, Mr. Martinez. And stay away from him."

"Who is 'him' Kyle?"

He's fading fast, almost transparent and his voice is a thin echo of what it was.

"Help me."

With those two, barely audible words, he's gone.

Then my world tips to the side, flipped like a rotating mirror and goes dark.

Dizzy and disoriented, I pick myself up.

Darkness surrounds me and while I stand in my astral body, I get the sense there is no real 'down' or 'up' in this place.

Great. I slipped into a shadow plane, probably dragged along by Kyle.

He's not here, though. And yet, I'm not alone.

Something dark is watching me... something close.

I've only felt a presence like this once before.

Aunt Toni barely dragged me back to the living world on time and I had nightmares for months.

It's the same feeling of swimming in dark water and being suddenly convinced that there's something beneath you, about to grab you and drag you down or feeling you're being watched from the shadows in the woods.

A primal, instinctive fear that can quickly escalate to panic.

I tamp down on it, hard, doing my best to remain calm.

Emotions are energy and in a place like this, energy attracts demons the way movement attracts the Rex in Jurassic Park.

Then again, just like a real t-rex probably had pretty good eye-sight and would have had no problem spotting someone even if he was holding still, so too, whatever's in this place will have no trouble finding me.

As it nears, its presence overwhelms me.

Whatever it is, it's big and bad and I don't know if even the world's greatest exorcist 'whoever that is' would have a chance against something like this.

It's as many times more powerful than I am as I am to an ant.

Still, ants can bite and I ready what defenses I have and prepare to fight.

Something looms above me, big as a building.

I get an impression of an immense form, leathery wings, bone and stinking flesh... fire, ash and rot.

I choke, falling back beneath the stench and then I'm falling again, my world flips like an hourglass and my eyes... my real, flesh and blood eyes... snap open.

I'm on my back, lying on the hard, cold, deliciously real concrete of my garage and the face of an angel looks down on me.

"Jesus fucking Christ Carlos, are you alive?" John asks.

I cough and fill my lungs with air a few times.

"Yeah. Looks that way."

"Fuck."

He hangs his head and I wince and rub my chest, which is weirdly sore.

Also my mouth tastes like mint.

"What happened?" I ask. "Is the circle intact?"

He lifts his head and glares at me, eyes bloodshot with stress.

"Yeah, the circle's fine. You, on the other hand, fell over and had what looked like a seizure. Then you stopped breathing. I gave you CPR. I just about gave up when... you came back."

He rubs a hand over his mouth and stares down at me, as if afraid I'll pass out again or disappear if he takes his eyes off me.

Meanwhile, I'm boneless as a jellyfish with relief.

Wherever I was, whatever I saw, it didn't follow me through.

Neither is there any trace of Kyle.

"Sorry," I say, sitting up gingerly. "I should have warned you that might happen."

"You think?"

I cough and laugh.

"I'm okay, really. It's not impossible for someone to lose the connection to their physical body entirely while traveling but it's super rare."

"So, what you're saying is the chance you could have died is greater than zero."

"Uh... yeah. I guess."

"Fucking hell," he sighs and shakes his head. "Okay, what now?"

"Help me up."

I ask more because I want to feel the solid, physical warmth of a living body than because I really need help but he obliges.

I lean into his strength, breathe his scent and accidentally find myself resting against his chest, my head on his shoulder and my arms around his waist.

"Uh... So are you okay now?" he asks, sounding a bit strained, when I finally come back to reality.

"Sorry," I release him and step back a pace. "I just needed to get grounded again. This will just take a minute."

Quickly, I complete the ritual, sending any lingering spirits back to their home realms and cleansing the circle before I break it, releasing the sacred space.

"So, what did you get?" John asks, as I cross to my work bench, grab a clean rag and use it to wipe the sweat from my face.

I tell him what Kyle told me.

"He wants you to look for his parents? That case is long cold," John says, frowning. "Anything else?"

After a slight hesitation, I tell him about the presence.

He listens non-reactively, neither accepting nor rejecting but simply absorbing what I have to say.

'Again, perfect guy.'

"What's wrong now?" he asks, as I slump a little and sigh.

"Nothing. Did I say anything on this side?"

"Nope. You just sat there until you fell over and had a fit."

I laugh and then cough again, rubbing my sore sternum.

"Thanks for trying to save me, even if it wasn't necessary."

"Are you sure it wasn't?" he asks. "I gave you artificial respiration for almost five minutes. People have been brain dead after not breathing for less time."

'Mouth to mouth for five minutes? Why did I have to be unconscious for that?'

I frown at him.

"My body is used to it. And it might look like I'm not breathing, but I am... just very slowly. In fact, forcing me to breathe faster might do more harm than good. But... thank you for saving my life."

He breaks eye contact and looks away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he checks his cell-phone.

"Shit," he swears, scrolling through his messages.

"What?"

"They ID'd the body we found in the park."

"Who was it?" I ask, craning to see over his shoulder.

"One Daryl Sparks. A private investigator based out of Shasta City."

He taps a link in a message and a website opens on his phone.

A balding white guy with teeth so bleached they put snow to shame grins from the top of a page full of glowing endorsements, including... 'The best detective since Sherlock Holmes'... which, honestly, seems like a bit of a stretch.

"What was he doing in Spring Lakes?" I ask.

Shasta's only about an hour away, which isn't that much in this region of remote little towns but still not a drive one takes without a reason.

"That, dear Watson, is the question," John murmurs.

"Or rather, given where and how he was killed, I'd bet my last dollar he was investigating Kyle's death. So, the real question is... who hired him?"

"Can't you find out? Hack his computer or whatever?"

He looks over his shoulder at me.

"Probably. That's my next move, anyway. You up for a little drive?"

"You... want me to come with you?" I ask, hoping I don't sound as desperately hopeful as I feel.

He turns and meets my eyes with an intensity that roots me to the spot.

"Yeah. If this guy's a ghost now, he might go back to a place he's connected to, right? Besides, after what just happened, I am not letting you out of my sight until this is over and done. Especially not tonight. Understand?"

I nod. Unless we can stop it, tonight is the night of the second Feast.

"Good. Grab whatever you need for your ghost hunt and let's go." 

[hydrangeawise]

Ahaha, Madlax EP 22, what the FUCK was THAT?! I want to talk!!

For real, what THE FUCK! I'll try to get my thoughts in order, but know that there is a whatthefuck loop playing in the back of my head.

As it turns out, Madlax's page really was the important bit that was missing, which is neat. What is not neat at all is that Monday Friday can apparently control or influence Margaret (what is neat is that the change of eye colour signifies that something is off immediately, great visual help!). He's really hellbent on "violence is the essence of humanity" and it's making my teeth itch, skin crawl, the whole thing. Anyway, interesting to me is how he can see and interact with Laetitia (even though he obviously considers her to be of no importance) and with the question of if he intends to lead people astray again, I feel like this points to something like "Whatever happens when the door gets opened depends on the person who opens it". I guess I'll find out.

Something else that stood out to me was Madlax herself. She had no wound from a very obvious injury, there was nothing. She also had no trouble navigating the fog in the forest which gets noted by Limelda. And then she said this is because she perceived herself. (There is also this fascinating conversation which reveals that Limelda sees herself or rather a likeminded individual when she looks at Madlax, someone who has nothing. It makes Limelda's obsession much more hmm relatable, maybe? I mean, personally, I would also completely be fine with Limelda obsessing over Madlax because she's skilled and because she represents something real in a false world to her or something. This is just a neat little addition.) Which leads me to the theory that maybe Madlax is very similar to Blond Guy; she also said that she and Margaret are the same and it gives me the feeling that maybe Madlax is a feeling or thought Margaret had in that war zone 12 years ago that she gave a body through the power of the place, much like Blond Guy did. That she is - sort of - the feeling of Margaret searching for her father, wanting him dead (for whatever reason), and killing to stay alive. Hmm, interesting to think about at the very least.

AND NOW TO THE PART THAT FUCKED ME UP WHICH IS: VANESSA DIED???? And Margaret now thinks that Madlax killed her (which is the obvious conclusion to draw with the set-up they were in, but oof!). This is so messy!!! I'm not sure if Limelda also died on that cliff because on one hand, it would be an interesting end to her if she got killed by Vanessa who was trying to protect Madlax, instead of by Madlax like she wished. I'm not sure how I feel about Vanessa's end though. On one hand, that she died protecting a friend instead of on the hunt for revenge is something for sure (maybe growth, maybe a symbol of selflessness in the face of Monday Friday's assumption that people are selfishly violent); on the other hand, it feels like she died too soon. Not because she did not get her revenge (the scene in the fields kind of shows that reuniting with her family is a happy thing), but because she only started to outgrow(?) her thoughts of revenge. She only started on a new part of her journey, and that is sad. (She also would have deserved to kick Weekday Guy in the nuts for sure.) I am also not entirely sure what to make of Margaret's reaction, I'm pretty sure she did not kill Madlax, and I'm sure she did not mutter the words of essence and truth just for fun, but she also seems or still is under the influence of Monday Friday and hmmmmm. HMMMMMM. Only way to find out is to keep watching, I guess!!

[devinescribe]

Betrayed

Ch. 22 of 100 Promises

Previous Ch | Next Ch

You ran into Chishiya on your way down.

"Nice punch," he mentioned, high fiving you. You smiled. He had really changed a lot since you first met him.

"Go help Ann and Kuina, they are taking a good approach to this. I... have something to do," he instructed, holding a water gun in his hand. "What? Gonna put the fire out with that?"

"More like start one..."

You stared for a couple of seconds, and nodded. "Alright... stay safe."

-----------

"Suguru! Come on you promised!" You whined, dragging him over to the swings. He tried pulling away from your grip. "No-no, i am not getting on that death trap."

You two were at a carnival, and the swings happened to be your favorite ride. His least favorite.

You thought for a second and smirked. "I'll let you kiss me at the top of the farris wheel~!"

His face turned bright red as he stammered and hid behind his hands. "(Y-y/N) you c-can't say that," he mumbled. "What you don't want to kiss me? You seemed eager to do so la-"

"Ok ok ok fine!"

You smiled, and pet the top of his head.

----------

You ran, heading to the part underneath the beach. It would be easier to travel this way.

You ran around, finally finding Ann.

"Ann!" You yelled, getting her attention.

She turned, quickly taking the defensive. "She's on our side, it's ok," Kuina said. You nodded.

"What do you need from me?"

___________

Numb

That's all you felt. You weren't happy. You weren't sad. You were nothing.

Chishiya dragged you two along with him, eventually coming up on a screen room.

"We meet again," he said with a smirk. "You?"

"(Y/N), you're ok!" Usagi exclaimed, hugging you.

Ok?

Physically, you guessed you were fine. Minor burns along your arms and legs.

Alive? Physically your body was alive. The blood ran hot through your veins, your heart beat to a foreign beat you didn’t know.

Ok?

Mentally no, you just wanted to sit in a hole and cry for hours. You wanted to be left alone, you wanted to be held, actually you didnt know what you wanted.

You wanted to hate him.

And you did.

But a small piece of you faught.

The screaming teenager inside your head.

"He's dead! He's dead and its all your fault! We said we'd protect him! You hurt him you hurt him you liar! You're a liar!"

Oh how she cried, tearing up the walls of your brain. But you wished for nothing more than to forget.

Alive? You mind was bordering death.

"Yeah. I guess I am," you responded with a small laugh.

Light filled up the room as all the screens turned on. On them was Mira.

"I told you hot bitches that don't talk can't be trusted," you said to Kuina. She scoffed, and handed you a piece of candy in her pocket. "Ah thank you very much."

"Next stage?"

Well, this would be harder than you thought.

_______

"I don't care just... take me somewhere," he muttered, as you smiled widely.

"Anywhere?"

"Yeah yeah, anywhere let's go before I change my mind."

You two walked throughout the city as you dragged him along. You knew exactly where you wanted to take him. You walked in the shop doors, greeting the people working there.

"Ah, she's back! Oh... hun it seems you brought a stray dog with you," one of them giggled. "Stray- oh! This is Niragi, my best friend. Y'know the one I'm always talking about?" You introduced, shoving him forward. "Oh. Alright then what can I do for you today?"

"What i mentioned last time. But for both," you said, using the cryptic language for him to not back out.

"Ohhh... he scared of needles?"

"Uh... yo, 'Ragi, you scared of needles?"

"No, what kind of a dumbass wuestion is that?"

"Ok, got it."

She dragged you both over to some chairs, where Niragi decided to finally look up and see where you were.

"(N/N), why are we here?"

"You said anywhere!"

"Oh my gods..."

"Hey, if you back out of this I'll cry."

And about 30 minutes later, you were both out of there with a slight sting in your mouth.

"This fucking hurts," he whined. "Good. Remember what she said. No, kissing is not a good idea, no eating your hook up out is not a good idea, and on top of that not cleaning it until it heals is also... not a good idea."

"Yeah yeah whatever..."

_________

Tears welled up in your eyes. Why did you choose to remember the memories now?

The group of you all walked in the city, the giant blimps floating around.

"Yeesh... crazy bitch," you mumbled, wiping the tears away. "Yeah..."

Suddenly people started running towards you guys, frantically screaming.

"What's going on?!"

"King of spades! Run!"

You watched people duck behind cars and gets shot. While everyone else was running, you and Chishiya observed, occasionally dodging some.

"Well fuck me," you muttered. Then the bullets came spraying toward you making you yelp, and run. You zig zagged your way to a car, making it harder to catch you.

You hid and saw Chishiya jogging with his hands in his pockets.

"For fucks sake," you muttered, running back to him. You grabbed him arm and dragged him. "Fucking run dumbass. Bitch ass motherfucker, you aren't a goddamn cat, you don't have nine lives you're just as mortal as the rest of us," you lectured while dragging him and running behind a car.

You heard him huff next to you. "Have I ever mentioned... how much I hate spades?" He said with a small laugh. You smiled. "I don't think so. But I do- jesus fucking christ," you started, getting scared by Kuina getting behind the car with you guys.

Chishiya pulled sometjing out of his pocket handing it to her. "A... bomb?"

"For if you're ever in a pinch," he responded, as if it was totally normal to give your friends bombs.

------------

"Shit. That's not good, go!"

Chishiya grabbed your hand, pushing you away. You heard Kuina scream for you guys as you ducked behind a car, hearing an explosion.

"Oh my god. Whats the plan now?" You asked. You were really tired of the world punishing you like this. "We are going to be very careful, and leave. The Jack of Hearts isn't difficult, and hearts are your specialty," he said, pointing at the ballon. "Yeah... I guess. It's also the farthest. Since the King of Spades went that way following after them, i think we are in the clear. His ballon follows after him so lets go," you agreed.

You two began your trek through thd abandoned city and tried not stepping on corpses.

"This is really erie. I know that I was happy to be here at first, but now? God I wish I was dead," you mumbled. Chishiya grabbed your arm, pulling you away from the edge of the road. You scoffed, "What am I going to do? Get run over by the still cars?"

He laughed. "Yeah. You're kind of a klutz. I wouldn't put it past you," he said with a smile. You liked spending time with him.

"How are you doing?"

"What?"

"I asked, how are you doing?"

Silence.

"It's ok to miss him you know... You don't go from loving and trusting someone for years of you life to hating them overnight. I know you think you have to, but you don't. You're allowed to mourn the loss of your best friend. You're allowed to be sad and cry."

Tears welled up in your eyes.

"It's not ok. He's a horrible person. He tried to do horrible things. And I'm happy he's d-... I'm happy hes dead," you said, hearing your voice crack. His arms wrapped around you, shocking you. "It wasn't your fault. It's ok," he whispered. You broke down in his arms.

You hated that you felt bad for him. You hated you missed him.

-------------

"Chishiya, forget Niragi, look at those two," you whispered, subtlety pointing at two of the guys in the game. "You know one of them is a murderer right?"

"I am too at this point, so fuck it."

He sighed, nodding.

You looked up at the screen with everyone's name and picture.

Banda Sunato

Matsushita Enji

"Hm... I know who the first one is. The second one sounds really really familiar," you mumbled.

The game had started, and you watched everyone go to groups.

-------------

It was the second round and you heard someone call out to you.

"(L/N)?"

You turned around, expecting Chishiya.

It was Matsushita.

"I'm sure you don't remember me-"

Then it hit you who this was.

"Nononono, i remember, you were in my psych classes! We graduated together!" You exclaimed.

"So, you do remember."

This would be fun.

[cosmixbun]

my favorite moments from the owl house finale OBVIOUS SPOILERS DUH (timestaps + thoughts)

EVERYTHING IS IN TIMESTAMPS IN RELATION TO THE YOUTUBE VIDEO EPISODE AND NOT THE DISNEY+ EPISODE (they might be the same but it's 2:45 am (now 3:36 am as i publish this) and the disney+ ep isn't out yet lol)

4:50- i love hunter so much he's just like me and when i saw this i think my heart killed itself oh my god.

6:36- i love him, that's it i love him every time he's on screen i get so excited he's literally me, i am him

11:14- i cannot get over how much i love this design ??? i also love raine, ik that they r literally possessed rn (it's one of my favorite tropes omg i just cant they did the belos possession with my two favorite characters in this show)

15:50- i love raine SO MUCH i literally do not care that i keep saying this i just love raine. and the sterness of them saying get out to belos ??? ur literally my fav pls.

21:37- GAHHHHH THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE ???? i love seeing monster animated ESPECIALLY big ones with little details omg i wanna redraw this version of belos so bad.

21:44- MY FAVORITE SHOT ??? i live for skull shots.

22:58-die. die. die luz why would u do this and rip my heart out and step on it i cant

24:14- die. die. die. i started sobbing i hate watching other peoples reactions to emotional moments, it makes me cry more. AND CAMILA CRYING EVEN THO SHE'S STILL A PUPPET ?? death. im being buried alive actually.

24:54- THESE CLOSE UPS. KILLED. ME. the very slight detail to the lines is all it did for me, i literally wanted to rip my eyes out and watch these close up again.

25:14- KING ???? OH MY GOD ???? sorry i just love this little guy and seeing him angry is just so good i love it.

25:19- MY WIFE ????? get angry again pls omg i love u sm her losing control is also another one of my favorite tropes to exist ever.

29:59- omg dana im kissing the ground u walk on for this. i LOVE DETAILED MONSTERS OH MY GOD ???? dana u genius you.

31:40- THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND GRIEF OR DEATH :((((( so u want me to die, so u want me dead, so u want me to cry

32:15- GRAAAAHHHHH THIS ENTERANCE ???? I LOVE LUZ SM THIS IS SUCH A LUZ MOMENT.

34:13- I LOVE ANIMATION OH MY GOD I JUST ASDFJOEIAGJEORHGIERJROFJIER HG9ERAHIU. thank you animation, for existing.

37:10- STOP I LOVE THIS. ILY RAINE. AND THE LITTLE EDA AND RAINE MOMENT ??? stop i NEED them to kiss rn, rnrnrnrnrnrn.

38:02- THIS. FUCKING. FIGHT. "how anime can we get the entire scene." AND THEN BLEW IT TO 300000X MORE.

38:33- THE CALL BACK AFJAOGFJIHSAODFJSDFN i died actually, i cannot belive this. i think someone called it and im kissing their brain rn oh my god this is just so luz and then instead of LUZURA SHE SAYS LUZ, SHE GREW INTO HERSELF HERE.

38:55- MY FAVORITE LUZ MOMENT EVER OMG THIS IS SO LUZ OMG I LOVE THE ANIMATION AND THE PRESENTAION OF THE VOICE AND THEN JUST GAH I LOVE.

41:17- "bitch please." god i loved this moment. luz could literally give less of a damn. i loved belos as a villain and just this is so satisfying to luz and to the clawthore's.

44:13- HUNTER I LOVE YOU OMG PLS U CAN BE HAPPY NOW.

44:22- he's just like me fr, ik he got that pizzazz to him too, just look at him.

45:42- EDA AND RAINE NEST ?!?!?!? crying sobbing throwing up, oh my god when is it my turn to be happy.

46:08- CAMILA AND EDA MOMENT. :'( i shed a tear i loved this moment even if it was really tiny.

46:20- HOOTY AND LILY ADIFHASDIFHASIFI god i love lilith sm

46:42- OMG KILL ME AND KISS ALREADY PLS crying i love them sm

47:00- EDA AND RAINE PLS I LOVE YOU I CANT EVEN. (also didn't mention it before but raine's scars ??? <333333 def just like me) ((where is my eda pls i want to be like them))

48:03- OLDER LUZ AND THE PICTURES FSDKFSJDOFJASIF OLDER VEE ???? cried, im graduating this year and to see the graduation picture and luz going to college is so me and i just :((

48:25- AAAAA OLDER LUZ !!!! i love this design sm i see nothing wrong tbh AND THE FLAPJACK TAT OMG :((((

49:13- SOBBING WILLOW LOOKS SO CUTE OMG

49:25- MY BOY KFJAFJDFJ HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE CALEB I WAS SO SHOCKED FJASDFHA AND THEN THE TALISMAN BUSINESS SIGN IS FLAPJACK AND HE ALSO HAS A TATTOO AND NO MORE EYE BAGS AND I JUST :DDDDD HIS DESIGN IS SO GOOD IT SUITS HIM SO WELL AND I JUST :D. my boy is all grown up :(

49:34- stop i love the animation and them sm omg i cant (im not a huge huntlow shipper, i can see it but i like them as friends too)

50:08- OLDER LILITH OMG MY OTHER WIFE she so cute she is also just like me (she has pizzazz bc i have pizzazz and i think all characters i like have it too bc they r just like me)

50:20- i love older amity AND HER MENTOR IS LILITH WHICH IS SO CUTE :(( god i love them sm

50:27- HARPY LILITH MY BELOVED OMG I JUST CANT UR SO JFASDFHOAJO

51:10- i need these two to kiss so bad it's not even funny oh my god fanfic writers pls GET ON THIS. i love both of these guys so much

51:15- OLDER RAINE DFJAISDFIASDHF OIADJFOSADFH OASJF sorry i died their suit is so ???? gah i love them i just cant contain myself i love them.

52:10- GUSSSSSS !!!! finally a hair change babes it looks so good. and the boiling ises and the human realm exchange program !!! gah i love gus

52:16- WIFEY MOMENT OMG HIIII whoever gave the idea for a hook is getting kisses from me oh my GOD. she is so <33333

52:30- KING !!!! he's growing into himself i love it :D

52:48- sobbing they all look so good i cant even tell u how much i love them all

53:00- THIS. this kiss means so much to me it's so like authentic ??? of course the other ones are too but something about this one being so casual, like theres no threat and they just saw eachother, it's a kiss for just being there, in the moment.

53:19- crying, shaking, screaming, crying, this pan is so cute i cant even

54:46- this. is how u end a show. omg i just, wow

[creativebrainrot]

Open Journal Entry

long one. TLDR: This fucking house sucks and it's never felt like a home to me. I want out but the WAITING,,,,, its suffocating. we'll be out eventually. Im so sick of waiting though. I miss the. eight months, where I felt truly alive for the first time in my entire life. I want a car back. I want to move out. I want to leave all this misery and abuse behind us already. I want a life. I am going insane.

But the horrors wont fucking win because I am NOTHING if not fueled by spite and fury.

I wanna talk about my experience with this house I'm currently stuck in, and have been stuck in for 22 years now.

I do not have a single memory of feeling safe within this house, or a single memory of enjoying this house. I have memories of enjoying the wilderness nearby, the front yard, the back yard, the creek way out back. But not the house.

I felt safe in the bath as a kid. I feel safe dissociating in the shower. I have spent ages avoiding being fully-lucid in this house. Numbing myself by diving into video games, the internet, consuming media like video essays about random shit, political commentary, let's plays, etc. Anything that I could hide in and avoid being aware of my situation with.

Music and art were big ones for escaping.

Everything about this house is falling apart.

I finally felt alive for the first time in my entire life in 2022. And yet. 2022 had the worst months of my entire life within it.

And now. I'm stuck. Waiting. Again. Just like I have been my entire fucking life. Stuck, in the middle of nowhere, without people my age, without places I enjoy seeing, without people who care in my offline personal life.

Waiting. For the day my dad can tell me we are finally free.

We had no idea that we had so much legal bullshit we needed to sort after my father died in late january this year. So, we've had to deal with all of it; the confusion, the legal shit, the pain, the helplessness, etc, as we discover every new fucking step we weren't told about and couldn't find the answer to. because we're both neurodivergent, and traumatized. that affects a lot of what we are able to do and what we aren't.

I'm fucking tired of announcing what should be good news, over and over and over, only to find that there's more fucking waiting on the other side. Hope, hurts. Right now everytime I start to hope I start to hurt so i've just been living in numbness since march this year.

The pump & water is fucked up, we have to work around it. We have running water, but we have to turn off the pump everytime we're done using it.

The AC is broken. It was replaced a few years ago and now it's the wrong type of AC for our house. It doesnt fucking work and our bedrooms are little ovens because of it. I have had to move my mattress into my studio, the only room with a window AC.

I have been stuck with a fucking twin bed since I was 15. Which, while technically a useable size for me, I cannot begin to unravel and to explain the kind of demoralizing and humiliating being stuck with the same fucked up "not a real bed or Adult Mattress" is for me.

Fucking bugs get inside ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

We haven't been able to work doordash for MONTHS now and I miss that routine so goddamn much.

I finally had a real life for the first time ever in my entire life, and its gone. Because we were lied to. Kept in the dark. Didn't realize how bad our situation was, until it was too late.

The only reason we are okay, is because of kindness from my friends and kindness from our neighbors.

I just want this to be over now.

I have never felt happy in this house. My dad and I never have the energy to clean it. I barely have the energy to take care of myself. I used to work out and exercise, I used to feel so happy. We ate good food and I got to cook and have fun and feel normal for awhile.

then the car broke down.

This house has always felt either neutral or fucking miserable. I've watched so many beloved pets die in this house. I've only ever been abused in this house. I've felt so fucking depressed in this house.

It's not even in an area where I can escape to a friend's house, or walk to a park, or enjoy any amenities. Because it's in the middle of fucking nowhere, retirement neighborhoods for rich old white republicans who wouldn't fucking speak to us if they knew who we really were. It's only because my dad masks as a ditzy old white lady that they're so nice to him.

I hate it here. I've been suffocating here long enough. I can't handle another year.

I think it might break me.

Everytime I'm remotely fully lucid in this house, I feel like shit. I remember things that I want to forget. I've dreamed of moving out and having my own place since I was a child. I thought my life would be better when I was 19- to be kind to fate, it was. Much better when I was 19. But not the normal fulfilling life I wanted to have.

I want out because everything we are currently dealing with is residual abuse from my father's financial abuse of us.

I need to leave this place. There's so much fucking sorrow and pain here for me that I just want to forget and move on from. not to mention this state it's self is fucking miserable to live in.

And, we will be. It's just the waiting. The waiting hurts. But I'd rather keep waiting for a brighter tomorrow than do something I can't take back.

I want to see our pets happy and healthy again, in a house with furniture for them. Collars with their name tags and vet tags on them. All fluffy and talkative and cute again.

I want better healthcare access so that I can stop panicking about my dad's mortality- he's fine, but I am so scared I'll lose him to something avoidable before we have the stability to get checkups and such. I want the option available to fucking transition already. I need HRT. Life is so fucking miserable everyday that I can't start being myself finally.

I want a house that I actually like. A place that represents new opportunities and new memories and REAL TRUE FREEDOM, freedom from all this abuse, freedom from my miserable first quarter of life alive. Freedom from debt that was never our fucking fault. A place I can be lucid in, and maybe actually have energy in.

And we'll probably get it. It's just, the waiting.

The second person we are attempting to sell this piece of shit to, is someone who purchases and flips houses for a living. He's offered the same amount of money as our neighbor did.

I'm so fucking glad that the paperwork is all on my dad's side and that we even HAVE a house to sell in this current climate.

Because that means we might get to move into the house my dad thought we were going to have all those years ago. I can't begin to tell you how many lies our abuser told us.

[keefwho]

May 27 - 2023

9:37 AM

Currently finding it difficult to focus on something. There are so many options and other things to think about. I feel upset that I don’t have more friends to turn to. I’m sad that Daisy is upset about her rats and debt. I wish I could do more for myself and others. I don’t even know what to say half the time. I’m still thinking about all the lost friendships I have and how I should be moving on. Also how I don’t want to keep adding to that pile. I don’t want to be alone, all because of how I am. 

10:39 AM

I hate having to take care of myself before I can take care of others. 

11:22 AM

I feel like the TOTK meme I’m making is stupid and a waste of time. I don’t even know if it makes much sense because I don’t have the full context of the story yet. Also the frame I used for ganon doesn’t make sense since it’s from the opening cutscene and I have Link responding to him with all the sage abilities already. Maybe I thinking too much into it but it’ll be stupid if it doesn’t add up. Also don’t know what to do for the background since inside the cave would definitely not make sense but that’s where I took ganon from. SO WHAT DO I DO

Maybe no background.

1:28 PM

Currently trying to distract myself from how much of a loser I feel like. I feel bitter at myself and everyone else. I wanted to socialize today but I am in no shape to do so properly. All else I know to do is to isolate. 

I keep remembering that something is very wrong with me. I keep getting comfortable thinking I’m happy but I am horribly fucked up. I don’t even feel like I deserve friends. Like it’s irresponsible for me to near anyone lest I bring them down with me. 

3:58 PM

It’s clear I’m not wanted but I don’t blame anyone. 

I let everyone down

5:22 PM

All I’m looking forward to tonight is giga drinking. Either alone or with people that don’t want me there. WOooo 

6:56 PM

lol im so fucking lonely

11:07 PM

FUCK the friendships of the past, if they let go then I will let go. At least with a couple of them I’ve tried to reach back out but they won’t reciprocate. Ultimately I don’t know who they are anymore, I am fond of who I knew them as, who they once were. They are all strangers now not worth my time. If hating them is what it takes then so be it. I want to move on from all the friendships that didn’t work out. If they were good things then they would still exist. There are good reasons each of them ended. 

No matter what, no matter how bad I feel, tomorrow I have to keep myself occupied. I know the consequences if I don’t. I know how bad it is when I am allowed to fester in my thoughts. I have to keep myself present in whatever I am doing at all costs. I’m tired of continuing this stupid cycle of mine. I just want to be happy. 

11:57 PM

Today was horrible, and still is. I basically didn’t do anything aside from play TOTK and finish a sketch. I hung out in VR for a little bit but I couldn’t get out of my own damn head. I’ve felt so excruciatingly alone because I fucking hate myself. I feel horrible that I feel this way, because it means I can’t have friends or be there for other people. I have to be selfish just to barely keep myself alive. 

I know it was sort of a joke but on Henry’s stream he said how important it is to be able to recognize yourself in a mirror and honestly tonight, I did not recognize who I saw. It was alarming. It’s like I was looking at someone else. Someone without a purpose or identity. I’m so afraid I’ll be alone forever because I can’t come to terms with accepting who I am. Who could ever be expected to put up with me like this. 

On top of that I’ve never felt like I’m someone’s priority. As much energy as I’ve put into others in my life, I don’t feel like it’s every been returned properly. I can’t tell if it actually hasn’t or if I have the inability to see it. 

I don’t know what to do. I feel like it is inevitable that I will lose the few friends I have and will never be able to make new ones. I feel like I will always be alone. And it’s all my fault. No matter how much I try to be a good person or cry about it, no one is there for me. I wish I could end it all. I don’t feel like I deserve to be on this earth. No one fucking wants me. I know it. 

12:33 AM

I’ve been frantically sobbing for about half an hour. I can’t stop. Please let me die, it would be so easy. I don’t think I’d be missed 

[bylightofdawn]

!!!!

WOOOF Finished Chapter 22 and holy fuckballs I am EMOTIONALLY DRAINED from writing that chapter.

That is an emotional doozy. I will prolly have to edit it heavily. Also ahahaha this chapter is cursed with so many rotating POV. I can't even

I just pray people can follow-along with this.

EDIT: I legit just went and laid next to Genji and wrapped my arms around him and hugged him for a full two minutes. Which is shocking because he normally would be IMMEDIATELY out of there. But he actually passively laid there and let me bury my face into his shoulder and lavish kisses on him. Bruh, I needed that moment.

Of course, after two minutes he was like 'Nope, I'm done' and immediately scrambled from my arms and crouched on the foot of the bed like two feet away looking at me like I'm the madwoman I am. I gave him a sheba stick for his services as my emotional support animal.

I'm gonna put plot spoilers behind the cut because I need to get it out of my head right now.

🚨🚨Read at your own risk. 🚨🚨

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Last warning, do not click if you don't want chapter spoilers

H o l y s h i t

So it's revealed Montross hired a Death Watch assassin to try and take Jango out.

I'm giving Jango the idiot ball here and he just...ran with it. Went right for Montross who was fully armored up, ready to ostensibly got 'hunting' Death Watch. Jango is a fucking idiot who is unarmored and immediately tries to take Montross out, ends up getting overpowered and turned into an unwilling captive to a now panicking Montross who squares off with an EXCEEDINGLY pissed Jaster who is doing everything he can to not flip his shit.

Ends up telling Montross he'll let him go if he releases Jango.

They start arguing back and forth, Montross doesn't believe him and has Jango pinned to him with a blaster to his head as he literally backs himself into a corner, aka the bank of windows in the living room.

Mij tries to interject, is literally the only other person armored up and ready for action and the only one with a jetpack (you can see where this is prolly going) He tries to defuse the situation with no luck.

Jaster continues to be scarily intense and telling Montross if he lets Jango go he can leave alive but it he hurts him, he's going to make his death very long and very painful which....not great negotiating skills on his part but it's a high emotional state so we're gonna give him a C- average on handling the situation and his temper.

Myles who is like three seconds from passing out ends up throwing a vibroknife through the window which shatters it and gives Montross a sudden exit which he takes.

By throwing Jango out the window as a distraction and he then proceeds to book it as Mij dives after Jango rather than chasing after him.

Jaster isn't happy with Myles cause that was a stupid risk he just took with his son's life though Myles argues back he knew Montross would take the out and predicted he would prolly do something like that but he knew Mij was there with said jetpack to save the day.

Mij drags Jango back inside who just sags, Jaster tries to grab him, his dumbass being the one with the nearly non-functional arm and a leg still healing from getting hit by a skycar a few days (and chapters) earlier. So he ends up nearly going down too and poor Mij is just over EVERYONE'S BULLSHIT and throws both of them at the couch.

Jaster orders him to go after Montross which Mij hesitates over because three people are fucking walking wounded who literally can't stand right now. Jaster orders him to go after Montross but he is long-gone at this point so he ends up just giving up and returns to base as Jaster announces over team comms Montross is a traitor and he's shoot on sight.

Kal is all "WTF repeat that?"

Meanwhile Vau is his typical ice-cold self and is all "Copy, last location?" just no questions just straight up ready to merc a bitch.

Why? BECAUSE IT IS WALON VAU

Which is when Mij just is done with everything and tells Jaster he lost him and he's returning to base.

And that's how this shit show of a chapter is going to end.

Next chapter is going to be just as awful. Jaster is going to go on a roaring rampage of revenge. Thankfully Myles isn't dying though he might pass out and will have a solution for how to track him and Death Watch.

I am so fucking drained from writing all of that chaotic bullshit. If you think the summary was chaotic bullshit, imagine where my poor brain is right now.

Also NEVER do this, I just literally had to get it out of my brain or I would not be able to sleep or have any peace tonight I think.

[timetraveltodystopia]

NCT 127 current energies - September Shufflemancy reading

♡ Shufflemancy reading done on 05/09/22 Disclaimer: I’m a beginner with tarot and my readings could be correct and could be not. I am still learning so please take everything with a grain of salt. These readings are for fun and for entertainment purposes only <3 This is all alleged. I don't want to hurt any idol or send them hate.

Taeil

Higher - Carly Rae Jepsen

If you wanna know what I'm thinkin' Ever since you came, I'm livin' On top of the world, I can't deny Every one of my fears has vanished And I don't know how you managed To wake me up and come alive

He is in a relationship and a good healthy one. He is so happy and I'm so glad, they deserve if other.

Taeyong

Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson

Rippin' with my sinners 'cause fuck it, man, I ain't no beginner And then I crawled back to the life that I said I wouldn't live in

He misses his ex, and he is lost. He is probably using weed or cigarettes to alleviate the pain, but it doesn't go away. He needs time.

Johnny

Morning - Teyana Taylor, Kehlani

I ain't here to play no games, I'm gonna give it to you Just how you want it You can call me crazy, maybe you just drive me crazy When you touch on it Got my legs up, hands up, at attention, you make me stand up And switch up on it Make your head go 'round and 'round and got me makin' sounds Until the morning

He is in a relationship and he is joining it a LOT BUT A LOT, especially the S€X PART. So he found someone with who he connected to.

Yuta

Lost - Frank Ocean

Now you're lost, lost in the heat of it all Girl, you know you're lost Lost in the thrill of it all Miami, Amsterdam, Tokyo, Spain, lost Los Angeles, India, lost on a train, lost

He sold the idea of a perfect relationship to his partner whom he loves but is not going as planned. Cuz you know, sasengs, idols agenda, etc. So his SO thought that Yuta used them but actually did not.

Doyoung

The box - Roddy Ricch

She sucked a nigga soul, gotta Cash App Told 'em wipe a nigga nose, say slatt, slatt I won't never sell my soul, and I can back that And I really wanna know where you at

He had a gold digger partner and he left her. Doyoung found someone who liked but they used him and he is pretty upset, I don't think he will go out with a non-idol again.

Jungwoo

I've Should told you - Fiji Blue

You're the only one that saves me when I'm alone You're the only love that I've ever known But we turned into a flower that never grows I was hiding like the moonlight that never shows

He should have said he love them but he didn't and they walk away, they had enough of their idol life, Jungwoo had this trust issues and this person was a keeper and they are gone.

Jaehyun

SUNRISE - Arlo Parks

Couldn't ever be my sunrise (Sunrise, sunrise) You're just a setting sun, I'd pray and you would pass me by You're only looking for a good time, a body you could kiss on Turn to you and you've moved on

He misses his ex bruhh, but to the max. Maybe Jaehyun is a fuckboy but his SO did an uno reverse card and know Jaehyun miss them lol. Poor him, he deserves a stable relationship <3

Mark

Midsummer Madness 20 - JOJI

Show me that it's really worth my time (Worth my time) Nobody needs to know our secreto

He has enough of his partner like his relationship is deteriorating fast and also his partner tried to spread his relationship without his consent. So sooner or later they are going to break up.

Haechan

Peace - Tems, Mannywellz

What do you want from me? I'm so tired of falling in I need peace from the enemy Give me time for my sanity

Haechan is in a toxic relationship and he is getting out yay. He had enough and he is saying peace bitch bye bye.

This changes over time. Everyone has free will and vibrations change. Hope you like this reading <3

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