#and I always clutter up my builds like that and never had that issue before

[latalpavolante]

Yeah so I was having a really weird issue when playtesting the two basement apartments for my Britechester Townhouse (this one) and I'm not really sure what's causing it...

Is anybody else having problems with cooking interactions in basement rooms in the Sims 4?

What happens is that, if I tell my sim to cook a meal, they will go to the fridge and take out the ingredients, but then act as if the counter or stove were blocked and the interaction is cancelled. However, if I then click on the ingredients and tell them to continue cooking, they will go on with preparing the food as usual, and can suddenly access the counter or stove without any issues.

(I really don't know why she decided to use the counter with the sink as there is in fact a free counter in this kitchen.)

The rest is under the cut as the full explanation turned out rather long-ish...

In all the other apartments of this build the cooking interaction works perfectly fine. After a ridiculous amount of playtesting and trying to figure out what the problem is (including placing the whole lot in a fresh save, placing the separated apartments in a fresh save, deleting literally every item that could potentially block the stove or counters (and by 'literally every item' I mean literally every item except for the fridge, the stove and the counter), taking out all my mods, repairing the game etc.), it almost seems that there's an issue related to stoves and counters placed in a basement when there are also other stoves and counters on the lot. For example, as soon as I deleted every other stove in the build, my sim would complete the cooking interaction in the basement apt. right away, without interruptions or routing errors. (However, this obviously only worked for meals that just require the stove. My sim still wouldn't use the counters...)

The problem is a bit finicky though. I was trying to recreate the situation in a new save, both with different rooms and the apartments from the townhouse build, and sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Everytime I think I finally figured out the actual cause of the problem, it turns out to be wrong with my next try.

Generally, if there are several counters and stoves on a lot, sims for whatever reason often seem to prefer to go to the stove/counter the furthest away from the fridge they just took the ingredients out. As the build in question is some sort of a custom apartment building (I don't own For Rent) with six units, I have locked all the apartment doors so that only the sims I want to live in that specific apartment have access. This somehow seems to have something to do with this issue. In the sense of, my sim for whatever reason by default wants to use the counters and stove in one of the other apts., and because the doors on the way there are locked, the task is cancelled.

I honestly don't know why this problem only affects the basement apartments and at this point I don't know what else to try. But if I have to watch my sim prepare garden salad and sausage with beans (or more so, not prepare it) for any longer, I'll probably go insane lmao

If anybody has any ideas how to fix this (or at least, what exactly is causing this to happen), PLEASE let me know! Help would be very much appreciated.

At the moment I don't see any way how to fix this myself and I'm somewhat frustrated as I put a lot of time into furnishing these apartments. If you still want to use the basement apts., the work-around would be to just always tell your sim to Continue Cooking when the interaction is interrupted. But, yeah. Obviously that's annoying af.

[cupidjyu]

good for you

jacob x reader (requested by the one and only @zzoguri!!)

the 3 times you and jacob could have had something more and the 1 time you actually did.

genre: best friends to lovers, university au, pining by mostly jacob, confessions, misunderstandings, mentioned exes, reader has abandonment issues oops, kissing for practice, cuddles, their love language is sleeping together, gentle kind understanding sweetie jacob notes: i hope you enjoy this !!! i loved writing this request!!! <33 and again, im sorry this took so long :( see you whenever i can! word count: 14.7k

“You’re a lifesaver,” You groaned once you noticed Jacob entering your dorm with a paper bag of freshly baked cookies in his hand. You jumped off your bed, slightly crumpling the endless papers of notes laid out across your sheets. Stumbling over to where he was staring at you with concern, you clung to his arm, cupped his face with one hand, and pressed an obnoxiously loud kiss on his cheek.

“Is it that bad?” He stared at you, unimpressed. 

“Yeah?” You narrowed your eyes at him before snatching the bag from him and bounding back to splay out your bed.

“Didn’t you say that you were going to stop eating sugar? Yesterday?” He followed you further into your dorm. He set down all of his things and put back all of the clutter that was laid out on your table and the floor. He knew where everything went after the countless times he’s lounged around here.

“Okay but I cannot stay awake without sugar and I have an exam tomorrow,” You grumbled, gesturing for him to sit next to you. You turned back to your computer, rolling onto your stomach and scrolling through the endless slideshows to try to pretend like you were retaining any information. Frankly, you were more focused on the delicious cookies melting in your mouth.

He shrugged, silently reaching over and organizing your papers. He knew that you often got stressed when your environment was messy. You made no effort to keep it clean though because he always did it for you.

“And how was your day, Cobie?” You mumbled, glancing at him briefly before turning back to your notes, You shifted slightly on the bed, allowing him space to lie down next to you.

“Boring. And you shouldn’t be studying on your bed, you know. You always fall asleep.”

You huffed. “Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you have to dote on me.”

“You know I’m right.” He smirked.

“I won’t, I promise.”

“But you always fall asleep. Like last time.”

You rolled your eyes, burying your face in your arms. “Stop bringing that up. It’s been five years already.”

“But I’ll never forgive you for embarrassing me in front of Sunwoo.”

“C’mon, you always let him tease you anyway,” You retorted.

Your eyelids threatened to shut any minute now. You had managed to find a spot to finally escape the stress that was called high school responsibilities. It wasn’t the most comfortable spot though–against the brick wall of the building, sitting on the concrete floor. Still, you couldn’t care less, enjoying the sun that perfectly hit the side of your face as your uniform fluttered in the wind.

After that point, you didn’t know what happened until you woke up. But Jacob had vividly described it to you because he found it that amusing. Though, he always told the story with a fond smile on his face.

“Can you pass the ball?” Another student called out to you. His uniform was messy and crinkled after playing with his friends for so long. When he noticed no response, he jogged over to pick up the soccer ball that rolled over and knelt down. He snickered slightly, tilting his head to peer at you curiously. “That can’t be comfortable…” He muttered. 

Silently, he contemplated what to do. Ultimately, he stood up. Not to leave you, but to kick the soccer ball back to his friends. Then, he turned back to you and gently lowered himself down to your side. Almost immediately, like a magnet, your head found its way to his shoulder and you were already dozing away. This time, with a lot less neck pain.

His lips quirked up as he played with his fingers quietly. He ignored his friends who were gesturing to him in the distance to come back, instead choosing to lean closer so you could sleep more comfortably. 

But then he heard footsteps approaching.

“Oh, shit!” Sunwoo gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth after appearing from around the corner of the same brick wall.

Jacob jumped, waving with his hands frantically to tell his friend to go away. But Sunwoo only began to jump up and down in excitement.

“Shhhh–” Jacob whispered. “They’re sleeping.”

“You’re dating someo–”

“I don’t even know who the hell this is.”

You smiled to yourself, long roused awake.

You had already heard the whole conversation but found it all too amusing so you ended up pretending to sleep for a few more minutes. Once you were sure that his friend had wandered off somewhere else, you blinked your eyes open. The curiosity got the best of you as you slowly lifted your head up to peer at the mysterious student’s name tag. He’s got an amazing shoulder for a pillow.

“That’s a bit rude, Jacob.”

He jolted once again, turning to you in surprise. You smiled lazily back at him.

“You’re awake.”

“Yeah,” You yawned. “And thanks for your shoulder but also I don’t thank you for not even bothering to look at my nametag.”

“Even if I knew your name, I wouldn’t know who you are.”

“Fair,” You hummed. You looked him over. He had a friendly look to him. Gentle eyes, a nice-looking smile, and brown tousled hair that shone in the sun. “You look like a Jacob.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He raised an eyebrow. “You do know that I gave up my soccer time to let you sleep on my shoulder, right?”

“Shush.” You stuck your tongue out. “It’s not like I forced you to. You’re just too nice with your super nice smile.”

“I can’t tell if you're insulting me or complimenting me.”

“Both.” You leaned your head back against the wall with a tired sigh. Then you turned back to him with a mischievous smile before setting your hand out for him to shake it. “Friends?”

He blinked at you. And then he smiled back and took your hand in his. “Friends.”

“I’m tired of this,” You whispered, thumping your forehead against your now-closed computer. 

“At least look this over.” He held out one of your papers, with a title clearly underlined with red. “Looks important.”

“It is but—“

“Just one,” He encouraged. “I’ll hold it for you.” And just as he said, he shuffled closer to you, holding the paper for you to read. You sighed but obliged, your eyes scanning over the words. Gradually though, the sentences began to grow blurrier and more jumbled. His arm looked awfully comfortable right now.

“Jacob,” You warned, turning to him. He stared curiously, his face surprisingly close to yours. “Jacob, I’m gonna go.”

“Go where?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“To sleep.” You grinned before slumping down. No longer were you propped up on your elbows. Instead, you laid down, your cheek squished against his forearm as you snuggled close to his body warmth.

You heard a disappointed yet fond sigh leave his lips. He put down the paper and cleared the bed of everything so you could properly cuddle up to his side.

“You always take care of me,” You mumbled quietly. “Why?”

And for some reason, even with your eyes closed, you could sense his soft smile—the one with the gentle gaze and warm cheeks.

“Because you deserve it.”

—

“You flunked it, didn’t you?” Jacob grinned, standing up from where he was leaning against the wall. “I told you to stop studying on your bed.”

You scowled, walking alongside him. “You shouldn’t have waited for me, I’m getting coffee with a friend.”

He smiled wider. “Right now?”

You froze, staring at him sheepishly. You shifted on your feet. “…no. But soon.”

He hummed. “Good, cause I’m giving you this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. It was beautiful with an opal charm in the middle. 

You stared at it with awe in your eyes and then turned your gaze up to Jacob. Already, you could feel tears prick your vision at which he only chuckled at the sight.

“Don’t cry,” He giggled, reaching an arm around you to pull you close to his chest.

“Why?” You pouted. “Did I miss my own birthday or something?”

“No,” He laughed. “I just wanted to give it to you. I thought of you when I saw it.”

You narrowed your eyes through sniffles before slapping his chest weakly. “How much was it?”

He shook his head. “It was on sale, so it was  cheap.”

You nodded before lightly touching your own bare neck. You smiled at your best friend.

“I want to put it on,” You stated, reaching your hand out. 

“Okay,” He whispered. But instead of placing the necklace in your palm, he stepped forward and reached his arms around your neck to clasp it on himself. He moved any strands of hair that were in the way, his fingertips just grazing over the back of your neck. You shivered and stayed completely still, staring straight ahead into his chest with wide eyes. 

It felt like hours but he finally stepped back with a soft smile.

“I knew it would suit you.”

You beamed. Just before you were about to say anything else, you heard a voice call out your name. It was your friend, standing just meters away waving excitedly.

“I have to go,” You said, looking at Jacob with bright eyes. 

“See you at your dorm?” He joked.

You thought for a moment before nodding. “Sure, I’ll bring ramen.”

“I was jok—“

“Still, I need my pillow to sleep on tonight.”

“My arm or my chest?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Still deciding!” You called out, running towards your friend. You skipped over to her and immediately started rambling about your new necklace.

“It’s pretty!” She fawned. “Sometimes I think you’re actually dating.”

You gawked and immediately started laughing. “No! That’s— that’s so wrong.”

She blinked at you, completely confused.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

I.

It was stuck in your head–what your friend said. He looked at you like any completely normal person. He always had a friendly, caring expression on his face simply because that was his nature. There was nothing different and nothing more in your relationship except friendship. 

You couldn’t focus on that anymore though since you were now caught up in a game of truth or dare. After exams, the whole floor of your dorm decided to gather for a party. You hated going alone and so of course, you had to bring Jacob. 

The two of you tried to sit together on the floor but quickly became separated by the amount of people crowded into one room. You frowned, settling onto the floor next to two complete strangers.

Help me, You mouthed to him.

He shrugged. Wanna leave? He mouthed back.

You shook your head. This will be fun.

He nodded and turned his attention back to the bottle spinning in the middle of the circle, about to choose its first victim. It slowly came to a stop, landing on a guy who you remembered his name to be Sangyeon. He was nice. He once let you borrow his umbrella.

“Truth or dare?” Eric leaned excitedly.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to… text the person you have a crush on and ask them out on a date!” 

Sangyeon’s eyes widened in horror. Reluctantly, he pulled out his phone and soon, it was like the whole population was crowding around him, cheering giddily when Sangyeon began to text a message. 

You locked eyes with Jacob who’s across the room, obviously out of place. You smiled with amusement and silently shuffled over to him. 

“I don’t get this game,” He grumbled.

“You don’t get any fun. You only like soccer and basketball since you’re so good at it.” A familiar image appeared in your mind of Jacob, left only in the white dress shirt of his school uniform, wiping sweat off his forehead as he easily shot a goal.

“Thanks.” Jacob grinned stupidly.

“I wasn’t complimenting you.”

“Alright.” He eyed you skeptically. “So can we please not get separated again?”

“We can try,” You mumbled. Without a warning, your hand trailed down to his, grabbing hold of it and placing your intertwined hands in your lap. He stared at it briefly before clearing his throat and looking away.

“Is that the most effective way?” He muttered.

“I said I’d try,” You whined, your eyes traveling over to where the crowd around Sangyeon began to dissipate back into its circle. You were confident that no one would notice that you had switched places. But of course, Sunwoo, who was so adamant about going to the exact same college as Jacob because he “admires him so much” (he actually just wanted someone to pay for his meals occasionally), noticed your connected hands.

“No PDA!” He dramatically yelled, covering his eyes with his hands. Everyone immediately turned to look at the two of you.

Jacob immediately pulled his hand out of your grasp almost like you burned him. You groaned and glared at Sunwoo.

“And go back to your normal seat,” Sunwoo smiled teasingly. “Get off your boyfriend for just a minute.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” You gritted out, standing up and stalking back to your original seat. You plopped back down on the floor and stared at Jacob with clear anger in your gaze.

He’s annoying. You glanced at the smug boy who was still smiling proudly over the fact that he separated two perfectly normal best friends.

Tell me about it. Jacob rolled his eyes, leaning back against his palms as his eyes wandered down to where the bottle was spinning again. This time, it landed on the stranger next to you. He wasn’t bad-looking and had a polite aura to him.

Eric gasped excitedly. “Juyeon! Truth or dare?”

The man thought for a second, humming. His voice was deep, you realized.

“Dare?” 

Almost instantly, Eric was leaning forward. He must have rehearsed this dare like his life depended on it. “Kiss the person on the left of you.”

It took Juyeon a while to process what Eric just said. But when he finally did, he whipped his head to look at you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You stared back, completely bewildered. 

“That’s cruel,” You groaned, staring at Eric in disbelief. “We don’t even know each other that well.”

“Fine,” Eric huffed. “On the cheek at least.”

Juyeon continued to stare at you, his gaze gentle and understanding. “Sorry,” He whispered sheepishly. “I can’t drink this one off. I’m a huge lightweight.”

You shook your head with a kind smile. “It’s fine. Just get it over with.” 

Juyeon nodded and he leaned in. You turned your head slightly so that he wouldn’t have to twist his neck in an awkward position. Just as you were about to focus on the lips being pressed to your cheek, your gaze locked with someone else’s. More specifically, Jacob’s.

Your breath hitched and your heart seized. There was something different about his gaze. It was filled with a flame and you could see that his jaw was clenched ever so slightly. His hands fidgeted as his eyes stared straight into yours, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

It felt like time had slowed down. You watched as he leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and tilted his head, obviously annoyed. Over what? You weren’t too sure. But you could see through the way his jaw tightened further that something was genuinely bothering him. Yet why was he only looking at you?

You were so focused on Jacob that you didn’t even realize that Juyeon was already pulling away.

Everyone in the room was cheering over the measly cheek kiss but it all felt silent to you. Your ears began to ring as you stared straight at Jacob, his eyes filled with a clear anger tinged with a small bit of hurt. 

You tilted your head worriedly.

Are you okay?

He blinked, his eyes softening. It was like what came over him just magically disappeared. Yeah.

You stared at him quietly before nodding. One more and then we leave.

He eagerly agreed, his head bobbing much like a puppy’s. You huffed out a laugh. You should have never dragged him out with you.

“Who’s next?” Eric spoke up loudly. Everyone’s attention turned back to the bottle that was spinning. You held your breath watching as it slowly came to a stop. You turned your gaze up to see who it was pointing at and—

You winced. 

Jacob stared at you with wide eyes before pointing at himself. You nodded with a grimace. 

Sorry.

He shook his head with a smile before turning to face Eric who was practically brimming with excitement. 

“Truth or dare?”

Jacob sighed. “Truth.”

Eric groaned. “Boring. But fine, I can make this fun.”

Jacob waited patiently. He was always patient—so patient that it annoyed you. You were always the one to tease and annoy him yet he took it like it was his sole job. Even if you could tell he was getting ticked off, he continued to smile and play along.

“Don’t you want to see my performance?” You twirled in your new outfit.

Jacob shook his head. “Not now, I have an art project due. You look pretty though.”

And you should have stopped there and said thank you. But instead, you continued to cling onto him and ramble in his ear.

At some point, in a flash of color, you knocked over the cup that Jacob used to wash his paintbrushes.

You watched in horror as it spilled over his painting. He only stared silently.

“I-I’m sorry, Cobie,” You whispered. 

“It’s fine,” He muttered, standing up and picking up the soaking-wet canvas. “I’ll just go dry it off.”

You gulped, searching his face for any sort of frustration. He definitely looked disappointed but… nothing else.

“Wait.” You stopped him, your hand coming to his wrist. You promptly ignored the cold feeling of the water that spilled over your new clothes as well.“Are you mad? Let me make it up to you. I can do the whole project for you if you want.”

Jacob turned to you, his expression blank. But much to your surprise, his face softened into a reassuring smile, his gaze gentle and warm. He set the canvas down and stepped forward, pulling you closer in the process.

“No,” He whispered. “You make everything look more beautiful anyway.” He turned to look at where the canvas which was previously plain and gray, was now splashed with a mix of colors.

You frowned. “But—“ 

“I’m more mad that your new clothes are ruined.” He paused, stepping back and looking you over. Then, he scrunched his nose teasingly. “It was pretty.”

“Jacob,” You huffed. How could he be so unbothered by this? You ruined his project that he had been working on for days yet he was more worried over you? “This is not about me.”

His eyes sparkled.

“I can always make it about you.”

“Okay! I got one!” Eric exclaimed, sitting up. “If you could date anyone in this room, who would it be?”

Everyone fell silent, staring at Jacob like curious cats. You weren’t any different, desperately wanting to know his answer. Jacob never spoke about his dating life. In fact, whenever you asked him if he had a crush on anyone, he would immediately reply no.

Much to your dismay, he didn’t say a word. His lips were shut as he stared around the room like a deer in headlights. 

“So?” Sunwoo pried.

Jacob gulped, his cheeks slowly turning red. And then his eyes landed on yours. When you stared back, he instantly tore his gaze away. But you quickly noticed a pattern. He would look at something, then back at you, at something else, and then back at you.

Your breath hitched. 

Why are you looking at me?

He widened his eyes and adamantly stared at the floor instead. I’m not, You could see him whisper to himself. The two of you always had conversations across the classroom during your high school days, hence your great skill of reading lips.

Jacob, you have to answer.

I can’t—

“It’s Y/n isn’t it?” Eric finally spoke up, wiggling his eyebrows with a knowing look.

His head shot up and his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You were looking.”

“No, I—“ He groaned, his cheeks reddening further by the minute. “I was looking because I always look for them. Not because I would date them.”

Sunwoo snorted. “Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“I always look for them.” 

Jacob froze. And now, he refused to look you in the eye. “I…”

“Hey,” You spoke up with a frown on your face. “He doesn’t want to answer, let him off. It’s obviously not me.”

Jacob’s gaze wandered to yours. There was a sparkle behind his pupils this time, his lips parting as if he’d been keeping a secret all of his life.

“But it is you.”

You inhaled sharply. Tension filled the air, thick enough that even Juyeon stiffened next to you. Eric had grown quiet which was a very rare occurrence and Sunwoo’s jaw was dropped.

You forced yourself to shake out of your trance. Abruptly, you stood up and grabbed your things. 

“We’re leaving.” You forced a weak smile. “Have fun!” You tried to wish a farewell but instead, your voice came out shaky.

You didn’t even need to look back. Jacob was always behind you.

The walk back to your dorm was painfully quiet. You walked down the hallway, your fists painfully clenched as you periodically squinted your eyes and tried to make any sense of what Jacob had just said. You were filled with a jumble of emotions–a wave of immoral anger for Eric to ask such a question to lead up to this situation in the first place, a relief that you finally escaped that tension-filled party, but most of all, confusion over the fact that Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, had just said he would date you.

When you finally reached your dorm, you took in a sharp breath before whipping around. Jacob, who was biting his lip nervously, came to a halt to stare at you almost in… shame. He refused to look you in the eye which began to annoy you, considering the fact that he kept on staring at you when asked that stupid question just previously.

With a frustrated huff, you walked forward, pinned the side of your forearm against his chest, and pushed him against the wall.

“Jacob, look at me,” You warned, your eyebrows furrowing.

He finally did a guilty look on his face much like a puppy’s. “What? And why’re you pinning me to the wall?”

You scowled. “Because.”

“Because?”

“Just shut up,” You groaned. “Did you mean it? What you said.”

He only gazed at you, completely calm. But something was different. His gaze didn’t just keep its place on your eyes. Occasionally, it would slip down to your lips.

You stepped forward, close enough that you could feel his body's warmth against. You tilted your head, trying to intimidate him. But still, he continued to stare at you like you were a bright flower in the midst of a gray landscape.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“Because you told me to shut up.” A small grin appeared on his lips.

You groaned once again. “Please, just answer. Did you mean it when you said that you would date me? If so, then I…”

What were you going to say? You weren’t even sure yourself. Would you reject him? Or maybe consider changing the whole trajectory of your life?

But this wasn’t just about you. It was about your relationship which was what you feared most. If he said yes, then surely, your relationship would change. In what way, you didn’t know. But you were scared. A bit curious, but mostly terrified–terrified of losing him in some way.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a quiet sigh.

“Of course not.” 

You blinked, looking at him in surprise. 

He laughed. It was a weird laugh though–nervous, almost like he was still hiding something. But you chose not to dwell on it anymore.

“There was no one else I knew, so I just said you to get out of the situation,” He weakly joked. His eyes darted away.

“Oh,” You stuttered, stepping away and letting your arm fall from his chest. You felt a bit weak. Maybe it was from relief that you didn’t have to consider the possibilities if he said yes. “Yeah, I get it.”

“Mhm,” He hummed, his eyes softening. “You should get some rest. It’s dark.”

“Okay.” You smiled. But before he could turn away, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. As an immediate response, he pulled you closer by the waist though he let out a small, confused sound.

“What’s this for?” He squeezed you closer.

“I felt like it.” You nuzzled into his shoulder. Even whilst being surrounded by beer bottles and drunken peers, he still manages to smell good—like a warm cup of sweet tea. You pulled away and peered up at him. “Stay the night?”

He gulped, his eyes widening slightly. “T-to do what?”

You snorted. “To sleep of course. You’re the only one who helps me sleep, you know.”

He followed you inside though he was still hesitant. After the two of you changed into something more comfortable (Jacob even has a change of clothes and a toothbrush in your dorm), you climbed into bed and immediately rested your head on his chest.

“Are you sure you’re in the right state of mind?” He murmured, gently rubbing your side. “You won’t regret this tomorrow?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t drink at all tonight. Why’re you being so cautious all of a sudden?” You pouted. “We always sleep together.”

He hummed. “Just making sure.”

After what you said earlier?

You wouldn’t lie and say that you definitely felt a bit different about asking him to stay over. But he already said that it wasn’t a serious statement. You chose not to think about it any longer, instead choosing to just doze off into his warm embrace. 

He was just your best friend. And a great pillow.

ii.

“I’m going on a date.”

You both hated and loved that phrase. You loved it because it left a thrilling, exciting feeling in your heart. But you mostly loathed it. It left your lips far too many times for your liking. The phrase never ended well. You’ve had a few relationships and obviously, they didn’t work out.

You put much effort into those relationships but never received the same amount. You were always regarded with a weirded-out stare or a quick roll of his eyes. But those were somehow on the higher end of the scale. At the lowest, was when you were insulted and pushed around. It was Jacob who first noticed.

“He’s hurting you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, your fists clenching with denial. “But he apologized. He said he was just in a bad mood.”

Jacob frowned and took your hands in his, gently spreading your fingers to relax your fists. “No one in a bad mood should insult you or call you names.”

You gulped, tears starting to well up in your eyes. You knew that Jacob was right yet you were afraid of letting go of someone that held so many bright and fun memories.

“Love is hard,” You whispered. 

“It is,” He sighed. “But I’m always here for you.”

You exhaled shakily. You ran through multiple scenarios and possibilities. Some of the imaginary outcomes were positive but most were negative.

“It’s your choice if you want to stay with him. But promise me that if you’re ever hurt, just come find me,” He spoke softly. His hand gently came up to your cheek and wiped a stray tear away. It was at that moment that you realized what true care felt like. It was in the way he never pushed you into making a choice. It was in the way he promised you that he would be there for you. It was in the way his fingertips brushed against your skin.

That was what true care was.

And because of that realization, the very next day, you appeared outside of Jacob’s dorm room with a proud smile on your face.

“We broke up.”

His eyes widened and you could tell he was searching your face for any trace of tears. “Did he–”

“No, I did.”

His expression melted into a softer one. “I’m proud of you.” His lips pulled into a soft smile as he pulled you into his dorm and hugged you to the point that you had to repeatedly shove him until he let go.

“With who?” Jacob looked up from his computer. He watched nonchalantly as you started discarding your coat and bag on his bed. It was normal for you to crash at each other’s dorms. It was so normal that some people had even assumed that you were roommates. That didn’t make sense since there’s only one bed.

You reached into your bag and started pulling out the outfit you chose. “This guy in my literature class. He asked me first and he seems sweet.” He had a kind smile and he was polite. He even helped you pick up your books when you clumsily dropped them on the floor.

He was almost like Jacob. Though Jacob could go to… concerningly high extents sometimes. He tended to drop anything, even if it was a glass cup if he noticed that you were hurt or upset. 

But still, this man who asked you out seemed better than your other dates. It wouldn’t hurt to try. 

Jacob nodded, turning back to his computer while you used his bathroom to change into your date outfit. 

A few minutes later, you open the door and walk out. You don’t even bother to twirl or ask him about his thoughts as you were too busy digging through your bag for your wallet. But then you paused, interrupted by a sharp intake from none other than your best friend.

He was staring at you with his eyes round and his cheeks slightly colored. His gaze wandered down before coming back up to your eyes, his body utterly frozen.

“What?” You asked in confusion. “Does it look bad?”

“No!” He blurted out suddenly. He teared his eyes away, clearing his throat. “It’s just… different.”

You peered at him nervously. Why was he acting so weird? “In a good way or a bad way?”

“Good,” He breathed. He gave you a small yet sweet smile. “You look beautiful.”

“Oh.” Your frown quickly widened into a grin. “Thank you.”

After finally confirming that you did not forget your wallet, you took a seat beside Jacob on his bed. He used to be focused on his computer but it seemed that after you changed outfits, his eyes were darting elsewhere. He was losing his composure for some reason.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your thighs with the palms of your hands. “Cobie, I’m nervous.” 

He turned to you with a soft look in his eyes. He even shut off his computer, turning his undivided attention to you. “Why?”

You pouted as memories came flooding back of your past relationships. It was always you who was left alone, broken into pieces until Jacob came along to put you together and patch you up. After your failed dates, you began to lose confidence in being able to keep anyone in your life, even if it was someone as loyal as your best friend. 

He always reassured you though.

“I won’t leave you.”

You laughed bitterly through your tears. “How do you know that?” 

After disappearing for almost the whole day, Jacob finally found you, sitting in the dark corner of your closet. You remembered him crouching down next to you and tucking a tear-soaked strand of hair out of your face.

“Because I don’t think that in any universe or timeline, I could stand being torn away from you.” He smiled.

You frowned, blinking away the tears that continued to trail down your cheeks. “Even if I’m undesirable?”

He looked at you taken aback. “Who told you that?”

“Him,” You whispered. Another one of your past dates that didn’t end well. When you had asked him why—why he didn’t want you, he began to list heart-wrenching words that still spun in your head. “He wouldn’t even hug me back because I’m undesirable or whatever.”

And in just a second, you felt a pair of strong arms being wrapped around you.

You inhaled shakily.

“You’re hugging me.”

He hummed and nodded, placing a hand on the back of your head to pull you in closer if that was even possible.

“Because you’re not undesirable. I will always want to hug you. And care for you. And lo—“

He cut himself off. You were too exhausted from crying to figure out what he was going to say anyway.

“Just because,” You sighed. “It’s been so long since I started dating again. What if I mess up?”

“You won’t,” He immediately replied. “You’ll do amazing. Just be yourself.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Easier said than done.” You could feel Jacob wince beside you because he already knew what you were talking about–how even if you acted like yourself, you were never accepted or loved enough.

“Sorry.”

You shook your head. “Don’t be.” You looked down to play with your fingers nervously. Multiple scenarios began to play through your head like a jumbled-up movie. What if you laughed at something he said when it wasn’t meant to be a joke? What if you blurted out your deepest darkest secret and caused him to look at you weirdly? What if–

“What if he kisses me?”

Jacob froze, turning to you in disbelief. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Well, one of the things I’m worried about,” You mumbled, shrugging.

He searched your eyes as if to make sure you weren’t joking. Which, you definitely weren’t, as your jaw clenched unsurely. 

This time, his tone was softer and more gentle. “Are you not confident?”

You sighed, slightly embarrassed. “No– I don’t know, maybe? I just don’t want to… disappoint.”

You can see a small smirk appear on Jacob’s lips. “I’m sure you won’t.”

“How would you know?” Your eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“I just assumed,” He whispered. And you could have sworn his eyes darted down to your lips for a split second. Then, he took in a deep breath and scooted just a bit closer, facing you so that your knees touched. He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve kissed before, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Not enough to be good if that’s what you’re wondering.”

He seemed to be deep in thought before something shifted in his gaze and his lips parted to ask you something. It wasn’t teasing anymore, nor was it questioning. It was a serious look in his eyes, almost heart-stopping, as he stared at you as if to contemplate if what he was about to ask would change anything. And it definitely did, as it was already sending you choking on air.

“Want to practice?”

“With who?” You stared at him, acting innocent as if you didn’t already know what he meant.

“With me.”

“Oh,” You breathed. You didn’t know why but in the deepest part of yourself, reserved only for the most important secrets, you knew that your heart thumped erratically when he spoke those two words. “I mean– okay. I-I guess.” 

He was just doing it as a friend.

He smiled softly and you watched as his hand very slowly came up to cup your cheek. He leaned in but stopped just before your lips connected. You peeked an eye open–yes, you already shut your eyes–and stared at him in perplexion.

A corner of his lips lifted. He must have already noticed your eagerness.

“Promise me, you’ll tell me if you don’t want to do this.” He looked you in the eyes, searching you with almost what you could tell was affection. 

You nodded quietly.

He seemed confident but you could tell he was feeling nervous too with the way he swallowed thickly and his eyes darted across your features unsurely.

“Can I kiss you?” was his final question.

“Yes,” You whispered.

And then he leaned forward, attaching his lips to yours. You felt your heart stop before it came back to life again, this time, much faster than before. Your eyes carefully fluttered shut as you allowed yourself to melt into his touch. His hand stayed on your cheek, gently caressing your skin with his thumb as he slowly kissed you, almost as if he was savoring the moment.

You would be lying if you said that you didn’t also want to savor the moment.

You let out a small involuntary sound once it registered in your brain that he was deepening the kiss further. He tilted his head and soon enough, his hand was leaving your cheek, trailing down your side, and grasping onto your waist. You gasped and furrowed your eyebrows in concentration.

You were lost. Completely lost from the fact that this was supposed to be a practice kiss for your future date. That kind man from your literature class was long gone from your mind. Instead, every coherent thought of yours was replaced with one single person. Your best friend. The person you were kissing right now. 

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

“Jacob,” You rasped in between kisses. 

Even though your hands rested on his chest, creating some sort of distance, you didn’t make any further move to end the kiss. You felt butterflies erupt every time his hand ever so caressed your side.

“Hm?” He kissed you like he meant it. He kissed you like he actually loved you and that was what sent you reeling.

Shivers traveled down your spine once his hand wandered from your waist down to your lower back. The warmth of his palm and fingers splayed across your skin as it slowly lifted up the fabric of your outfit, leaving cool air to make its way through. 

That small breeze was what sent you out of your trance and what led you to finally pull away. 

“I think- I think that’s enough,” You panted, your heart rate refusing to go down.

Your lips felt sore and almost bitten and when you looked up to meet Jacob’s eyes, he was staring, stunned yet with a slight smug expression.

“Yeah,” He whispered. It took him a while for him to let go of the small of your back. “Sorry.” 

You huffed out a laugh, patting at your cheeks to let them cool down. “Sorry for what?”

He smiled shyly. “I got carried away.”

You snorted. You were glad that there wasn’t any lingering awkwardness after that… kiss no matter how oddly real and passionate it felt. “Am I at least a good kisser? Am I set for the date?”

It looked like he was just shocked by lightning. “Your date. Yes, your date.”

You stared at him with confusion. “My… date. That’s what we were practicing for.”

He gulped and nodded quietly. “Yeah, yeah.” And then he leaned in again. But this time, he positioned him right by your ear, his breath that you just recently felt shuddering against your lips, now lingering on your earlobe. You hated yourself for closing your eyes and bracing for a kiss. What were you thinking? You swallowed nervously.

“You’re a great kisser, just as I thought.”

You resisted the urge to choke on air. “Th-thank you,” You blurted stupidly before abruptly standing up to grab your bag and aiming to run out the door.

But he stopped you, gently taking your hand and pulling you back.

“What?” You squeaked, your hands growing sweaty and your heart speeding up for the nth time.

“It’s a bit…” You felt his fingers brush against your skin once again, creating flashbacks back to the kiss. You heard the sound of the zipper on the back of your outfit being zipped up. Since when was it undone? You were pretty sure you pulled it all the way.

“My fault,” He teased. So it was him who unzipped it.

“Perv.” You tried to elbow him. But of course, he caught your arm and turned you around. 

“Have fun on your date,” He smiled gently.

You breathed out shakily. “Okay.”

—

You were not having fun. Well, your date was all but a gentleman. He pulled the chair out for you, shielded you from incoming cars, and everything. But you couldn’t help but let your mind wander, distracted by the fact that Jacob already did all this anyway.

You were also distracted by the kiss. You could still feel the sensation of his lips moving fervently against yours and the warmth of his hand moving up your back and unzipping your outfit unnoticeably. You still wondered why he did that in the first place.

The two of you stopped on the trail that beautifully looked out to the sea. It was the perfect scene—the kind man in front of you, waiting for something. More specifically, a kiss. You could just lean in and kiss him right now but you… couldn’t.

“May I?” The man's voice interrupted your rushing thoughts.

“What?” You dumbly replied.

“You know.” He grinned shyly and stepped forward.

“Oh, I—“ You cleared your throat. Why wasn’t your heart beating fast like it did with your best friend of all people? Why didn’t your cheeks feel warm like how they did when Jacob looked at you with such a soft gaze? Maybe you were just going crazy, you figured. Maybe after this kiss, everything would go back to how it was. “Okay.”

But just as the man was leaning in, you suddenly planted your hands on his chest, pushing him away. When the man stared at you in alarm, you stuttered, “S-sorry. I actually don’t think we can.”

His expression saddened. “Why not?”

You didn’t know either. You could only offer a pathetic shrug.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out.”

His jaw clenched but he eventually stepped back. “Alright then, I guess. Want a ride home?” 

You gave him a weak smile and shook your head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry.”

He never accepted your apology.

—

When you called Jacob to pick you up, he looked you over in worry.

“Did something happen? Did he break it off with you? What—“ He didn’t even start driving, rather he parked and turned his attention to you.

You laughed and shook your head. “We didn’t kiss. And it was me who ended it.”

He frowned. “It was only your first date.”

“I know but I decided not to look for anyone right now. I’d rather just stick with you.” You smiled sweetly. Jacob replied with an incoherent sound as he abruptly turned away to stare out the window.

“That’s fine with me,” He muttered, his ears red even under dark evening light.

You huffed out a quiet laugh and sat back in the car seat. Jacob started driving, the low hum of the engine lulling you to sleep. Slowly, you shut your eyes and let out a content sigh. “I’m tired.”

“From what?” He mused.

You grinned to yourself. “From kissing you. You’re quite the rough kisser.” You paused. “Not that I didn’t enjoy it of course.”

And thank god for your seatbelt because, for some odd reason, Jacob suddenly slammed on the brakes.

But even after that throwaway comment, the two of you never spoke about the kiss again. Except, speaking and thinking are two different things. For the next coming days, you thought about the kiss again, and again, and again, even if it didn’t turn into something more.

iii.

“So you really didn’t kiss?” Jacob questioned a few days later. The two of you walked down the main street of your campus, window shopping and sipping on warm lattes. It was the perfect day, slightly chilly with clear skies. You loved moments like these–the ones where all you could do was chatter about random things that came up in your mind and Jacob would always listen intently. 

“No, we really didn’t.” You rolled your eyes. If you peered just a bit closer, you could see a wave of relief wash over his face.

As the two of you walked together and as more time passed by, you began to realize that what you and Jacob had wasn’t the most normal friendship. You had other friends too and you certainly did not act like how you did with Jacob. You glanced down to where you two were literally holding hands, intertwined fingers and all.

“So you don’t get lost,” Jacob whispered when the two of you graduated together. “I can’t lose you.”

Your mind wandered back to when Jacob fixed your hair oh so gently after it had gotten just the slightest bit messy from the wind.

“Why do you always fix my hair for me?” You narrowed your eyes.

“I like it when you look up at me when I do,” Jacob teased, pinching your cheek. “Your puppy eyes.”

You always thought he was just joking, but the more you thought about it, the more it felt like he meant it. He always seemed to love yet hate eye contact. Sometimes, he would stare back with a soft, admiration-filled gaze. Other times, he would tear his gaze away because he was flustered.

There was also the jealousy. You weren’t a blind fool to never notice it. He was always supportive of your dates and he always comforted you whenever they didn’t work out. But for some reason, what really ticked him off was physical touch by any guy that’s not him.

“What were you doing with him?” Jacob had asked you when he walked in on you hugging one of your classmates.

You widened your eyes. “Well he– he lended me some notes that I missed, that’s all.”

“And that earned him a hug?” Jacob’s eyes, ironically turned into those irresistible puppy eyes.

You stared at him in awe. “Are you…?”

Jacob gulped. “No.”

And that was the first time Jacob asked you to fall asleep on him instead of the other way around. You would never complain though. His chest was very comfortable.

Then there was the kiss. 

It was one. You never kissed him again after. And at the moment, it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do. In your mind, you thought he was just offering you an opportunity to practice. 

But every time you thought of it at night and in your dreams, you began to realize that it was anything but practice. There was no need for him to caress your side, cup your cheek so gently, tilt his head for a better angle, and for him to deepen the kiss.

Your friendship wasn’t a typical one. It was something more. Yet, you didn’t know what to do with it.

You turned to look at him, wondering if studying his features would give you a clearer answer. But much to your surprise, Jacob was already staring back. There was a small smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling as he looked—as he looked at you.

“Why?” You blurted out.

“Why what?” 

“Why do you always stare at me?”

He paused in his tracks. It took you a moment to realize that it was really only the two of you on the sidewalk. The sun had already set and so everyone had gone home. He turned to you, pulling you closer, causing you to stumble slightly. He then brought your connected hands up to his chest. You inhaled quietly once it registered in your head that you could feel his erratic heartbeat. You looked up at him, searching for any sort of answer. Yet he still remained like a book in a completely different language that you didn’t understand.

“Because you never fail to take my breath away.”

Your heart felt like it was caught in your throat. And as dumb as it may seem, you looked down at yourself, wondering if you had dressed up in a particular way for him to say that. But then you felt a gentle hand on your cheek, turning your attention back up. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Always,” He replied quietly as if he read your mind. “You always, always take my breath away. Even on the day you fell asleep on me in high school. Even when you say that you look bad, I think you’re beautiful.”

“Jacob… I—“ You stopped once you felt a stinging cold on the very tip of your nose. It was a snowflake, you soon realized. You used to love it when it snowed, up until you found out that you had a horrible tolerance for cold. But who was it who took care of you when sick? It was always Jacob. It was always him who wrapped you up in blankets and cuddled you, even when you warned him that he would also get sick.

His eyes filled with worry as he glanced up at the sky. “Let’s run before it gets too slippery.” He smiled mischievously, grasping your hand once more and leading you toward your dorm. You laughed loudly, trying to catch up with him. 

“Too fast!” You complained.

He turned back to look at you and oh, how handsome he looked even while running. That pretty smile with his bright, even prettier eyes. “I don’t want you to get sick,” He replied, accompanied by a cute laugh. “Do you want me to carry you?”

You flushed and shook your head immediately. “Let’s just keep running,” You huffed, allowing Jacob to lead the way. 

The whole run back was filled with giggles and giddy smiles. You couldn’t have it any other way. The two of you, panting, finally managed to burst into your dorm. There was this exhilarating feeling in your chest. No matter if you stopped running or not, you would feel so… out of breath. It could be because of Jacob, it could be the beautiful snow, or it could just be the constant pounding of your heart. It could be all three.

You finally let go of Jacob’s hand, completely missing how he instinctively chased after your touch. Then, you stepped away to brush off the snowflakes that’s built up on your coat. Once you were sure that you were free from looking like a sugar-powdered donut, you looked up to where Jacob had already closed the door and was leaning against it.

His hair was messy, but what caught your eye the most, were the flurries of snow trapped between his locks. Somehow, he made looking like a sugar-powdered donut a good thing. He grinned at you with slightly rosy cheeks and gentle, gentle eyes.

He looked attractive. Since when did he look so attractive? You weren’t completely unaware that he was a fairly good-looking guy, but with the way his coat slipped off one shoulder and how his smile shot straight for your heart, you began to realize he was a lot more than just good-looking.

You were frozen, your arms straight at your sides, completely distracted by your best friend’s smile and the annoying thump of a heart–specifically, yours. 

And one would think that he was looking at you, weirded out by your staring. But instead, he was gazing at you just the same. And this time, you had an explanation for all those lingering, soft looks he would give you for the many years that you’ve been friends. His words rang in your ears.

Always. You always, always take my breath away.

His smile slowly fell and before you could even register the way his gaze fell away from your eyes and downwards, he was walking towards you and cupping your face. Not even a second later, you felt a pair of lips being pressed against yours. 

And just like before, your eyelids were already fluttering shut. This time though, you stayed without movement, simply allowing him to kiss you ever so gently and lovingly.

When he pulled away, that was when it finally hit you. You didn’t have a date to practice for, nor was this some sort of dare. Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, just kissed you on his own accord.

You brought the back of your hand up to your lips, staring at him in startlement. “Why’d you do that?” Your voice came out weak.

“What?” He blinked, and you could see how his cheeks began to flush. “Oh, I just– you know, in case you were thinking of going on another date with another literature class guy. It would be good practice since I know that you’re nervous so I just– I kissed you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Is that really it?”

He gulped, his eyes searching yours before he sighed. “I’m sorry. You just looked really pretty.”

“You kissed me because I looke–”

“Yes,” He blurted out, wincing. “And I’m sorry. That was stupid of me and I should have asked before and now you think that I’m–”

“Jacob.” You stepped forward, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Jacob.”

His eyes softened. “Yeah?”

“Be completely honest,” You looked him straight in the eyes. However, it began to feel a bit hard not to let your gaze fall to his lips because my god, was he a good kisser.

“I just was,” He muttered shyly.

You huffed. “Not that. I know you already answered that question. You kissed me because I looked pretty, which thank you, by the way.” You batted your eyes teasingly. Jacob let out an incoherent sound and tried to look away. But instead, you cupped his cheek and turned his attention back. “I have another one.”

He frowned, which would be a sorrowful sight if it wasn’t for the fact that he was blushing like crazy right now. You held back a smile.

“Do you like me?”

Jacob’s eyes widened. “What?” He squawked.

The puzzle pieces were already coming together for a while now. The longing gazes, acts of kindness, his occasional kisses (definitely not normal)–you knew there was a root to all those. But you still had that small feeling of insecurity. Well, up until now. That kiss just confirmed everything.

“Do you like me?” You repeated. “Last time, when you said that you would date me, you weren’t lying. You meant it, didn’t you?”

“I…” He trailed off. The room was dead silent. All you could do now was see, smell, and feel. You could see Jacob’s eyelashes as they fluttered when he blinked profusely, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. You could smell his cologne, which always smelled good especially when you buried your face into his chest. And you could feel his hand hovering just over your wrist.

He let out a low sigh and he looked you in the eye, his gaze nervous yet filled with something new–hope.

“I did,” He finally whispered. “I meant it. I would love to date you. And I like you. So much and for a very long time now.”

And even with all that evidence that you’ve thought about late at night, you still couldn’t help but be taken aback. You swallowed thickly and took a step back. “Oh.” It all felt real now. Deep down, you were hoping that he denied it. You wouldn’t have to actually think about your feelings for him like you had to do now. You weren’t prepared for this.

“I– I was just curious,” You stuttered. But that hand that was hovering over your waist suddenly grasped it and pulled you close. You yelped quietly before finding yourself right up against your best friend’s chest.

“And you don’t have an answer?” He asked, his voice teasing yet trembled slightly. 

“Why do you need an answer?” Your heart thumped.

He hummed, his eyes glinting with mischievousness. “I want to know. You’re the one who brought this up anyway.” 

“Yeah, well–” You inhaled sharply when you felt a hand on the side of your face, cautiously tucking a piece of hair back. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” He looked you over in a way that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. And for some reason, it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. You’ve felt this before, multiple times, which was what baffled you even more.

You didn’t know when it started happening and you didn’t want to dwell on it either, but everytime he ever so smiled or placed his hands on you, you felt that weird thing in your stomach. All the recent times that you’ve cuddled and fell asleep with him began to do just the same. Sometimes, you couldn’t even fall asleep because your heart was beating too fast. The only way you could fall asleep was by pressing your ear to his chest and counting his heartbeats.

Jacob quickly noticed your silence and hesitance. His voice quieted down to that caring version that he always used when you were on the verge of falling asleep—whether that be on his shoulder or chest.

“Y/n,” He gently spoke, grabbing your attention.

“What?” You winced.

“I’m sorry if I pressured you or anything. You don’t have to answer right n—“

“I like you too.”

His breath hitched. You couldn’t see his expression though, as you had shut your eyes with a grimace.

“Oh,” He breathed. You heard him step closer. “You do? You… like me too?”

“Yes,” You whispered in a small voice.

And yet again, your stomach did that funny thing because when you opened your eyes, Jacob’s face was a lot closer than before. He had a shy yet cautious smile on his face as he watched you silently.

“So…” He tilted his head expectantly. “We both share feelings. It’s up to you what you want to do now.”

This wasn’t even the bad part, you realized. It was the next words that left your lips that was.

“Nothing, let’s just move on.”

Immediately, it was like something had stabbed him in the heart and oh, did it feel the same for you. You bit your lip, willing your tears to go away. All you wanted to do was reach for his hand and pull him in and let everything else fold out naturally. But no, you stayed back against the wall, refusing to look him in the eye.

“What?” He muttered, a clear look of confusion in his eyes. 

Your voice wavered as you forced sounds out of your clenched-up throat. “I said, that we should just move on.”

He let out a breath in disbelief. “Why? Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong? If so, I’ll fix it. Is it because I didn’t let you borrow my hoodie that one time? I’ll let you borrow it whenever you want from now on.”

“It’s not,” You cried, your heart aching at the fact that he still tries to take the blame. “I want to be more with you, Jacob. I just can’t. It’s my fault, not yours.”

He fell quiet, watching you with care. “What’s stopping you?”

“Me,” You shamefully replied. “I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?” He inquired quietly. “Of what?”

“Of taking you for granted. I don’t want to possibly lose you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He frowned. 

“But I should.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Because what if I push you away, then what?”

He looked like he was going to say something else but he ultimately swallowed his words and let out a low sigh. “Okay,” He whispered. “I understand.”

You felt the need to apologize over and over again. You hated the look on his face as he tried to hide the pain he was feeling. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” You began to say over and over again. “It’s not because of you. It’s—“

“I know.” He gave you a soft look. He always remembered and could always tell when you were sensitive about a past relationship, no matter if it was just a fling or not.

He slowly stepped forward again and he carefully rested his palm on the back of your hand. When you didn’t flinch or pull away, he gently wrapped his fingers around your hand, holding it firmly.

“So why did you tell me?” He finally asked. “If you didn’t want this to go further.”

You tightened your hands into fists—a nervous habit you had. But, he was quick to soothe them back open as he quietly whispered a small, “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I don’t— I don’t know.” You paused. “In a perfect world, you’re aware of my feelings and we go further. But that’s in a perfect world. I just thought… if I told you it might magically happen but it didn’t and that’s stupid, I know.”

Jacob never took his eyes off you and he never pulled his hand away. That’s what you liked so much about him. He never failed to be your anchor, the one to ground you when you felt like floating away.

What confused you though, was that he wasn’t saying anything. He seemed to be deep in thought as if he were changing his mind about something. But, he wasn’t changing his mind about his feelings for you. You could tell by the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly when you tried to hide away from his soft gaze and by the way he never let you clench your fists, holding both of your hands tightly but never enough to hurt.

You were lost in his eyes—those who have seen you at your best and lowest. He’d seen you smile and come running into his arms and he’d seen you cry and break down until you fell asleep in his embrace.

“Then I’ll wait for you.”

You inhaled sharply and widened your eyes. “What?”

“I’ll wait for you,” He repeated, a small yet reassuring smile on his lips. “That perfect world you talked about–it’s a possibility, right? So I’ll wait. I’ll wait for your perfect world to come.”

“Jacob.” You stared at him unsurely. He didn’t even know when that would happen. You didn’t even know either. So why was he so sure of waiting for you?

He leaned in and you felt a hand leave yours. And almost like he read your mind, you felt the warmth of his palm on the side of your cheek, caressing it soothingly.

“No matter how long it takes.”

Your brain was rushing with a million red warning signs. Multiple questions threatened to spill out of your mouth yet the only one that could leave was a choked, “why?”

“Because all I want is for you to be happy. Why should we rush when it means you won’t be happy? That’s all that matters to me.”

“But you—“ You let out a frustrated sigh. “You might lose interest. Or what if we do get together and something happens and—“

He grinned. “You’re thinking too far ahead. Didn’t I tell you I would wait?”

You grumbled, yet the weight in your heart lightened at the change in the surrounding mood.

“Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about this again,” He said. “In the meantime, we can go back to what we were before.”

You rolled your eyes and bit back a shy smile. “Okay.”

“And…” His eyes sparkled as he leaned forward. Immediately, as if on instinct, you shut your eyes and expected a kiss on the lips. Instead, though you felt him press one on the very top of your forehead, almost as if that was his final move of showing how much he respected you. “If you ever decide to go further, I promise that I will be good for you. I’ll be so, so good for you.”

That was when your legs began to feel like jelly. You could feel yourself melt and your brain go fuzzy. 

But just as you expected, Jacob was always there to catch you.

+ 1

It was one thing to be best friends with Jacob and another thing to be best friends with a guy who recently confessed his feelings for you. No matter how hard you tried to bring things back to normal, it was of no use.

Every smile, which would be a normal thing whenever you crack a joke, now was a smile that caught you off guard and made you stumble over your words. Whenever he touched you somehow, whether if it was simply to guide you down a sidewalk or to pull you into a hug, you felt a spark that never quite left you until you fell asleep.

But still, despite the many times your heart had beaten towards Jacob, you could never find the courage to take things further. Even so, he always made it clear that he would wait.

“You can stop waiting,” You once blurted out when you noticed him hesitating to grasp your hand. 

He looked at you in slight alarm before softening his expression. This time, without hesitation, he took hold of your hand, pulling it into his lap so that he could play with your fingers, bending them and squeezing them.

“Tell me the reason first. Then I’ll decide.” He eyed you knowingly.

You blushed and looked away. However, you never made a move to pull your hand away.

“Just… I feel bad,” You muttered. “It must be awkward or difficult. So you can just leave if this is bothering you.”

“Ah,” He breathed. He didn’t say anything after that, instead turning his attention back to your hand.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and turned to him. “So you’re going to stop waiting?” 

He smirked slightly before shaking his head. “No.”

You gaped at him, pulling your hand away in shock. “What?” You stammered. “But I just said–”

Your words were cut off by Jacob taking your hand and instead of bringing it back into his lap, he brought it up to your lips and left a soft kiss on the back of it. You immediately choked on your spit as you blinked, flustered.

“So your reason is that you’re worried that I might get impatient, correct?” He looked up to you, smiling.

You nodded your head, too lost for words.

“Then that’s not a valid reason,” He whispered. He set your hand back down, but still held it in his lap. “If you feel uncomfortable, then I will stop waiting. But me? You don’t have to worry about me.” He leaned in, staring at you completely endeared. You tried to glance away. “Like I said, I’ll always wait. No matter how long it takes.”

You breathed out shakily before nodding.

It always ended like that. It didn’t matter how hard you tried to convince him to give up, he would always come back to you like a lost puppy.

Jacob also started to take care of you more. At first, you thought it was some way to win you over like your exes liked to do right after an argument. But, over time, you began to realize that his actions were genuine, though silent and hard to notice.

“I’m hungry,” You mumbled to yourself one day. Jacob was walking behind you, seeming busy on his phone. Turns out, he wasn’t, because a few hours later, you found a bag of food placed at the entrance of your door. 

Or, the other time when you just finished up your upcoming assignments and could barely walk straight with how exhausted you were. All you could remember was a pair of worried eyes that belonged to Jacob who was guiding you to bed. When you woke up, you were wrapped comfortably in blankets and most of all, his sweater that seemed to magically appear on you.

And then there was that one time. The most important of all.

“Which one is better?” You asked, holding up two scarves for your classmate to see. She peered at it curiously before pointing at the one in your left hand.

“Who’s it for?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You scoffed, putting the other one back on the shelf. “Jacob.”

“Are you really sure that you two aren’t a thing?” 

You hesitated before shrugging weakly. “It’s complicated.” You tossed the scarf into the cart before turning away, yawning. On nights when Jacob was too busy to visit your dorm, you never were able to sleep well. “I’m going to order a cup of coffee, I’ll be right back.”

You stretched your limbs and walked over to the nearby coffee shop. Buying gifts was a hard task, especially when it came to Jacob. He always made these intricately crafted gift baskets for you, filled with everything you could possibly want. 

“Y/n?” A gruff voice called out to you.

You froze in place. You recognized that voice and oh, how you despised it. Still, you plastered on a smile and turned in the voice’s direction.

“Hey, it’s… you.” You looked the man over. He was the ex who stated so bluntly that you were undesirable. He certainly looked worse for wear—dark circles under his eyes, clothes with unknown stains on them, and an unkind sneer.

“How’ve you been?” He took a step forward. You were quick to backtrack, your fists clenched.

“Fine,” You forced out. “You?”

“Could be better.” He shrugged. Something suddenly shifted in his gaze though, as he looked at you differently. It was in a way that made you feel sick to your stomach, as opposed to the butterflies that would appear when you two were still together. “Listen,” He started. “I’m going to get straight to the point.”

You stared at him, perplexed.

“Get together with me again.”

You jerked away, your hands coming up defensively. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m sorry that you got offended by my words before…”

You scoffed. And he still won’t apologize.

“…but after we split, I realized how much I missed you. C’mon sweetheart, you know you feel the same, hm?”

You felt like you were about to throw up as you glared at him in disbelief. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

The man feigned innocence. 

“Okay, I guess not. And I don’t have the energy to explain it to someone like you,” You spat. “So no. My answer is no. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

That last sentence you sort of didn’t think through… but everything else you’ve practically perfected after rehearsing it with Jacob many times before. 

“If you ever see him again, promise you’ll tell me,” Jacob muttered, his fingers trailing circles on your arm. It was late at night and you could barely keep your eyes open. But, it was always at this time that Jacob became sentimental and protective.

“Okay,” You whispered, your voice muffled in his chest. “Don’t worry, I’m over him.”

“That’s good.” You could hear him breathe out in relief. “And if he ever wants something from you, say no. You deserve so much more than he can ever give you.”

You smiled and snuggled closer to your best friend’s warmth. “Okay, okay. In love with me or something?” 

“...go to sleep,” He mumbled, pulling the blankets closer over your figure. Completely forgetting the fact that he never answered your question, you peeked over his shoulder and realized that he was barely covered. 

You frowned. “You’ll get cold.”

And instead of readjusting the blankets, he tightened his arms around you, burying his face into your neck. “I won’t.”

“Boyfriend?” Your ex’s jaw clenched scarily. “What do you mean boyfriend? Who?”

You gulped but still lifted your head high. “Jacob,” You lied straight through your teeth. 

The man’s sneer only grew further as his eyes narrowed. “Of course,” He hissed. “Of course it’s always him.”

You nodded slowly, slightly confused of his response. “Yeah, so…” You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the sight of the man, red-faced and with almost smoke coming out of his ears.

“Just leave,” The man grunted. “I’m fine.”

“I never asked if you were fine.” You suppressed a laugh which quickly fell short when he snapped his head towards you in a warning. “Okay, okay,” You snorted. “Have a great day!” You waved and ran away before the man could explode once more.

As you walked back in the direction of your classmate, you couldn’t help but smile stupidly to yourself. To be truthfully honest, you were always terrified for this day to come. That you would run into one of your failed dates and absolutely freeze up, making a complete fool out of yourself. That was what you thought for the longest time.

But now, you realized that the interaction you just had was a lot easier than you thought. Sure, it left your heart seizing nervously, but after having someone–Jacob–stay by your side everytime even a single tear left your eye, you realized that you were healed.

–

You swung the bag in your hand, smiling brightly. You’ve never felt so happy before. Your eyes wandered across all the stores, casually window shopping until you suddenly came to a stop. 

You squinted your eyes and stepped closer. There, on the display of one of the most famously expensive jewelry stores, was the necklace worn on your very neck–the exact same one that Jacob had gifted you. You peered in and spotted the price tag. That was when you stumbled back, slapping your hand over your mouth.

You stared in astonishment at the necklace. “He said that it wasn’t expensive…”

But of course, it was always Jacob who said not to worry about him. You sighed all too knowingly though you couldn’t help but bite back the smile that was forming on your lips. 

Just as you were busy admiring the bracelet just like you’ve done many times before, you heard your phone ring. 

“Jacob?” 

“Y/n,” He sounded breathless. Almost like he was… running. “Where are you?”

You blinked in confusion. “Where are you?”

“The park. Are you–” 

You accidentally hung up. You winced and whispered a quiet sorry before heading to the local park.

–

It’s a common occurrence for Jacob to find you wandering around the park, clearing your mind after hours of studying. It was not a common occurrence for you to find Jacob standing in a secluded garden area, looking around frantically for something–someone.

You bounded over to him, ready to greet him cheerily. But, as soon as his eyes landed on you, he was immediately reaching forward and pulling you into his arms. 

“Oh,” You breathed stiffly. His hold was tight and protective, yet you had no idea why.

He pulled away and looked you over worriedly. His eyes were soft and his hands held gently onto your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He asked. Then, his hands came up to your cheeks as if to check for invisible tears. “Did he hurt you?”

You stared at the man in alarm, your lips parted in confusion. “Who?”

“Your ex.” 

Your mouth fell further open. “How’d you know I met him today?”

Jacob sighed and pulled out his phone. “I got a text.” You couldn’t help but melt at his small, worried pout. “He said that he had just talked to you and sent you home crying.”

You blinked. And then you snorted, much to Jacob’s surprise.

“That weirdo said that?” You laughed. “He did not. I was the one who sent him home. He’s bluffing!”

And even though the man in front of you looked slightly embarrassed, you could tell that he was relieved. He stepped forward and pulled you back into a hug, his hand stroking the back of his head. “Thank god. I thought you were hurt.”

You shook your head, smiling as you listened to his beating heartbeat. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

It was you who pulled away first but it quickly became a regret. You so badly wanted to melt back into his arms. You’ve never been treated with so much care before–the way he held your face so gently to make sure you weren’t crying and how he held you close. God, how he made you swoon.

You cleared your throat, completely forgetting that you were staring in awe into your best friend’s eyes. Jacob smiled shyly.

“So!” You blurted, playing nervously with the sleeves of your coat. “What brings you to the park? You never come here.”

Jacob seemed to choke on something. Hm, you didn’t remember seeing him eating anything. He glanced around and you quickly noticed how red his ears had gotten.

“Oh, I–I was on a run and this was part of the… route.”

“Really?” You wondered, looking around. This area of the park was more closed off though, surrounded by more plants than people. “Interesting.”

“Yeah,” He laughed nervously.

It grew awkwardly silent then. The two of you were simply facing each other without anything to say or do. But that silence gave you more time to observe and notice the small details like how Jacob’s hair was tousled in multiple directions, meaning he wasn’t running in one straight path, but rather on multiple. His shoes were untied, which didn’t make any sense with his run, but instead showed that he was in a hurry. And then there was the phone call. The first thing he asked was where you were and as soon as you met up with him, it was like he was looking for…

“You were looking for me,” You breathed in realization. “You ran here because you were looking for me.”

Jacob’s cheeks immediately reddened as he stared at you like a deer caught in headlights. He winced as he tried to avoid eye contact. You leaned forward, making him breathe in sharply.

“I…” He sighed in defeat. It seemed like your best direction was simple eye contact. “Fine, I was looking for you. I was worried about you.”

Your eyes softened as you reached a hand up to fix his messy hair. “Why? You know that I can take care of myself.”

He frowned and you couldn’t help but think how adorable he looked when he was protective. “Still. I hate to see you hurt.”

You smiled, endeared. “Oh, Jacob…”

“Ever since you told me that you were afraid that one day, I wanted to take care of you more. And I’m sorry,” He whispered, slightly leaning into the touch of your hand. “I’m sorry if I intruded too much or made you uncomfortable. I promise that I’ll step back if you want. Or if you–”

He let out a muffled sound though, as you grabbed his collar and pulled him in to plant a kiss onto one of his cheeks. When you peeked an eye open, you smiled when you realized that his eyes were wide open in shock. Stifling a laugh, you pulled back and softly poked the spot that you just kissed.

“Wha… you…” He stared at you, completely dazed. Then, he giggled, completely flustered, as his hand came up to touch where you had just kissed.

You finally let that laugh escape, hiding your face in his chest. Then, you looked up at him, smiling widely. 

“You really do know how to make me fall, don’t you?”

He smiled goofily, almost like he was drunk after that one kiss. “You’re still standing though.”

You huffed fondly and slapped him bashfully. “You know what I mean.”

“Wait, but–” He widened his eyes. You felt his hands sneak around your waist, holding you securely and protectively. “Are you sure about this? I told you I’d wait. You don’t have to…” He bit his lip shyly. You could tell that the feeling of your lips on his cheek came rushing back. He shook out of his trance though he was still blushing. “You don’t have to kiss me if you’re not ready.”

You smiled softly and shook your head. You knew it was the necklace that did it for you. It served as further proof of how much Jacob cared for you–that he always thought about you even when you were apart and lied about the price so that you wouldn’t worry. Jacob was always like this. He always had you in his mind and would do anything if it meant that you would smile. Sometimes, he would even tell you that he liked your smile.

 “But I am ready. I want to go further with you.”

That was what made him jump in surprise. “You– you want to be more? Like me as your boyfriend? And you as…” He paused, his smile giddy and so in love. “Mine?”

You nodded excitedly. “Yes, Jacob.”

“But you said…”

“I’m still afraid,” You replied, looking down at where there was barely any distance between you two. “But I would love to try with you.”

“Are you sure?” He furrowed his eyebrows slightly which you couldn’t take seriously with the way his eyes were filled with so much eagerness.

“Yes.” You copied his expression jokingly.

“One hundred percent sure?” 

You sighed fondly and instead of replying, you stepped forward and pressed yet another kiss on his cheek. That seemed to be a good enough answer because Jacob was staring down at you as if you were the brightest star in the sky.

Jacob then used his finger to tilt your chin up. His smile was what left you feeling breathless. “Then I promise you, Y/n, that I’ll be good for you. If I do anything wrong, tell me. I will be my best for you. All the time. I like you so much”

You felt your composure melt as you couldn’t even control your grin anymore. 

“Okay,” You giggled. “I like you too. And this time, I want to do more. Only with you. You are my perfect world.”

Then, your expression quickly changed into a teasing one as you leaned in and fluttered your eyes shut. You expected Jacob to become flustered but instead, he smirked and tightened his hold on your waist. You were glad that the park was empty right now as you peeked an eye open, slightly flustered.

“What are you doing?” He teased.

You smiled shyly. “I’m asking for a kiss. And not as practice this time.”

“Of course, beautiful.” He drew circles on your hip before yanking you close and against his lips. It felt like fireworks going off in your stomach. And the fact that this was real was what made every sensation stronger than it was before.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and tilted your head slightly. Jacob smiled against your lips, holding you close without any intention to let go.

Jacob suddenly pulled away, leaving you to chase after his lips. When you stared at him with both confusion and want at the same time, he smiled knowingly before muttering, “You taste sweeter each time.” 

Instantly, you were coughing with a rising blush on your cheeks. The fact that this wasn’t even your first kiss is something to think about. But still, his eyes watched your every move, completely smitten before he leaned back in.

He made it feel like your first kiss everytime.

A few months later

“Why didn’t you tell me that the necklace was actually expensive?” You mumbled, your question briefly cut off by a yawn. The two of you were cuddled up in bed, late at night. It’s not like you two didn’t cuddle before so there wasn’t much of a difference–the only one being that there were now kisses added.

He hummed, the vibration resonating through your chest. “Because I knew you would worry too much and make me return it.”

You huffed grumpily and turned away, your back facing him. He let out a small sound of confusion and peeked over your body to poke your cheek.

“Did I say something wrong?” You already knew he was pouting.

“Yes,” You whined before quickly turning back around. You punched him in the chest though he didn’t flinch one. “Why do you always tell me not to worry about you? This is a teamwork thing. I want to worry about you.”

Jacob stared at you, a completely smitten look on his face. His gaze was soft and you yelped as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back to his chest.

“Okay,” He replied.

You froze. “That’s it? No arguments?”

He laughed quietly. “No, because you’re right. We should be taking care of each other equally.” Then, he tilted his head back to look you in the eye. “Plus, I like when you worry about me. So do that more from now on.”

“Good.” You rolled your eyes. “I will. You think I don’t notice when you’re shivering from the cold?”

He frowned. “But you need the jacket or else you’ll get col–”

“Jacob,” You warned. 

“Fine, fine.” He scoffed, squeezing your arm playfully. “But you do know that you deserve the best? So in my defense, you deserve that jacket.”

You bit your lip and sighed, defeated. You were glad that the room was dimly lit so that he wouldn’t notice your blush. As you were getting lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand caress the side of your face, turning your attention back.

“Can I ask something?”

You tilted your head, willing yourself not to melt into his touch. You couldn’t handle that stupidly loving smile he would give you everytime you did.

“What is it?”

“How have I been as a boyfriend? I told you I would treat you well. If there’s anything, let me know. All I want is for you to be happy when you’re with me. Of course, if you want…” You could tell he was nervous with the way he began to ramble.

You smiled fondly and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Jacob, Jacob,” You spoke, interrupting his fast-paced words.

“Yeah?” He looked at you like an eager puppy.

“Don’t worry,” You whispered. “You’re doing amazing. You’ve been the sweetest boyfriend ever.” 

“Oh?” His focused expression quickly turned into a teasing one. “That’s a relief. I love being good for you.”

“My god.” You tried to act nonchalant, but you couldn’t ignore the skip of your heart. You were about to add on, but your words were muffled by him leaning in and kissing you. His lips moved against yours as if you had all the time in the world which you did–you loved to savor the moment. 

You barely noticed that he had shifted his position so that you were caged under his arms. You could feel him giggle against your lips, his hand coming up to comb through your hair. You would never get over the fact that he had been a good kisser all this time. You wondered just how many kisses you’ve missed out on. 

But then again, his kisses were all for you from now on. You liked–no, loved–the thought of that.

It was still late at night and so, your kisses started to grow more slow and relaxed. Your arms around his neck slowly fell to your sides. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me now.” Jacob smirked, pulling away as he stared down at you, your eyes fighting to stay open.

“Can’t help it,” You mumbled. “Come down already.” You grabbed his arm that was holding him up as he hovered you and pulled him back down to lie with you. Automatically, you were climbing into his embrace and it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

“Does my kissing make you sleepy?” He teased.

“Yes. I sleep when I’m in love,” You huffed, your thoughts jumbled and messy from both the kiss and your drowsiness.

“That doesn’t really make sense.” He still kissed the top of your forehead anyway.

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

“Okay, beautiful.”

[s4lepacy]

the sims 4 LEPacy challege: 5 gens in

i wanted to write a bit about how i'm feeling about this challenge ^_^

i started this because even tho i've been playing sims 4 since it came out (now 10 years!), i eventually stopped following the new packs. i always got them but i never played through new features because there is just SO much. i found myself always going back to what is comfortable -- i only enjoyed the first worlds and only knew the townies from those early packs. i wanted to play through more of what the game has to offer and be able to get more familiar with the worlds, townies & features.

well! i'm still in early sims days (current gen is spa day) aka what is mostly comfortable to me. but still, i've been able to do some gameplay i hadn't tried before, and revisit things i hadn't played in about 10 years.

i know some people that play this challenge keep all the packs but just focus on a certain one each gen. i wanted to have a more challenging experience by actually disabling everything. i soon learned that there's no use forcing myself to only use the awful base game clothes &c when assets in this game look so much nicer now, and by gen 2 i already had all the kits back LOL. so i guess not as challenging as it could be. STILL, besides kits everything else is disabled and i soon learned which features from certain packs i miss the most -- clubs being a major one, can't wait for gen 6...!

i've been trying out some mods as well. it's been interesting learning which packs have like nothing going for them, not even in cc world, while others require mods & fixes. i'm gonna make another post with mods that have helped for each gen so far, for future reference.

overall i've been really enjoying this! it's funny seeing new announcements every few months and getting excited about them while knowing i won't be playing with those features for a long long time. i'm the type of player that needs to stay focused on one save. before this it was my super sim save, that i abandoned around the time growing together came out LOL but i shall return to it someday. and the one that made me go back to the sims 4 was my not so berry save, that i stopped at gen 6 but i also want to return to at some point.

i've been so locked in on this lepacy challenge to the point that i saved backups of my other saves and 'deleted' them all from my sims 4 folder, so i only have the lepacy one there. a reason for that is that all my packs are disabled so i didn't want the clutter of older saves. but yeah, i'm all in for now and i've been having fun -- glitches & all!

another thing is that being a legacy player you eventually have no idea who is living in your world(s). some people are better at this, keeping up with families around them. i haven't really done that. with neighborhood stories & mccc townies have married each other and had kids. some familiar names are still around, but more often than not my save is populated with huge families of random sims. sometimes i try to clean things up by separating newlyweds & couples, but other times i just let them be since i'm focusing on my own family.

it is good only having a couple of worlds available though. i was never that good with using mccc to import sims from my gallery, but i think i have finally managed to do that! my world is less full of randoms, and newly generated townies are all from my tray files. sometimes i take a look at what's going on and i end up doing a quick makeover of random townies when i get a bit bored. so far i've been managing well a save that is already on generation 5.

another thing is that i'm NOT a builder. i wish i could also use this challenge to try and become one, but i'm truly not interested at all in building lol. maybe one day i will (idk). i rely on the gallery as usual. luckily the base game is a lot nicer these days and you can easily find bg builds on the gallery, but i found myself scrolling a LOT when looking for different community lots.

another issue is that, well, the gallery is shit so it's basically impossible to look for builds with the only packs you have. no matter which tags you uncheck, it's either base game or ALL packs, no in-between. incredibly annoying </3 so even tho i know have an expansion, a game pack and a few stuff packs installed i still mostly look up base game builds to save myself the headache. not only that but i always like playing with builds that only have one level bc i like being able to see my entire house at once and where my sims are. and i guess a lot of sims players are american/europeans and bigger houses are more common? idk, but they sure love two or more levels. so that makes me stay even longer on the gallery, looking for the one level house that fits my style. i'm aware things would be so much easier if i would just build, but i really don't want to x_x

one thing i've been liking so far is actually relearning all the bg worlds. i've lived in all of them before, but with less distractions (and some rules) i usually go on walks & runs in neighborhoods with my sims and i've been becoming more familiar with areas of the worlds i never paid attention to before. i could never be a sims 4 geoguesser player lol but it's still cool to check out the enviroments and how nice the worlds are -- even if a lot of it is set dressing. this IS a pretty game, especially when you have lighting mods installed.

so yeah. i do appreciate how much nicer the base game is now -- especially since it is now free to play. you can have a lot of fun with the bg + mods (and cc of course). i've been enjoying this challenge and becoming obsessed with ts4 again :-)

[ily-no-romo]

I think part of why kids struggle with organization is because they’re told how things have to be organized rather than taught how to develop a system that works for them. I once had a teacher who would check our planners to see we wrote assignments down and I said something was due next Wednesday and she said I was wrong because I didn’t put the date even though I explained the date was the beginning of next month so it would feel far away if I wrote it that way but it was still wrong to her. And part of why I struggled to clean my room was because it never made sense to have anything out of sight

And the thing is I have adhd I don’t think having a personal system fixes all motivation issues, but my messes are more organized. My planner is kind of chaotic but when paired with reminders on my phone, texts to myself, a to-do list in Google docs, and our household calendar, I manage to keep up with stuff that’s really important. And my room isn’t as clean as I like it (mostly because of laundry) but I can easily walk through all of it and I’ve figured out what needs to be in plain sight and what doesn’t, what works best on a shelf vs somewhere inconveniently noticeable.

Having personal systems doesn’t automatically give me the dopamine and motivation to put everything away and keep track of things. It’s still difficult for a variety of reasons. But it’s a lot easier for me to recognize when these systems start needing more attention because I’m able to identify how it’s negatively impacting me and what needs to be prioritized.

For example, clean clothes that don’t get wrinkled can stay in the laundry basket a long time before their presence on my floor is bothersome enough to outweigh the amount of energy it takes to put away laundry. Even when I do put everything away, I have a small laundry basket for my favorite bras, shorts, and a special jacket and sweatshirt. I realized I was always looking for those items so it made sense to keep them in plain sight, all together. But my desk doesn’t have to get very cluttered before I’m sad about losing that space. As a kid I was supposed to just focus on the floor being as clear as possible which never felt important.

And I think as adults it’s easy to slip back into what we were taught as kids, so when you start to feel overwhelmed by household chores, try to ignore what you think you’re supposed to prioritize and instead think about what is impacting your life and energy the most and try to build a system that works for you. And try to figure out what tasks take more energy than they’re worth some days. If you find a relatively simple task incredibly draining, then subjectively it’s not a simple task and you should wait to do it when you have less to do that, if possible.

[mxinevitable]

I had been using a storywealth and there were issues

Namely the horde of apparently load bearing skimpy mods required to run the various quest mods which all had cuhrayzee ladies who were allergic to clothes who all said the edgiest things I could imagine over and over. But the myriad of mods adding contemporary tactical weapons everywhere, the bloat of items, and the combat being... idk too fast for a game I want to play. Just being fucking buried in shit.

LitR on the other hand runs better, has a handful of mod quests and lots of controls for how you approach everything. The combat feels great, not too spongy, not too easy starting out. Uneducated shooter makes firefights way tighter cos you're not nailing every shot immediately.

It's not obsessed with gore and thank God. I'm so tired of it. I understand violence is a part of the game play but I much prefer having lots of options to engage or not and having those fights be less frequent makes a huge difference. The world still feels populated, but because of the foliage it's way easier to be alone for a good chunk of time.

The loot reduction feels more intentional and the way the author focuses on resource restriction to create difficulty really works. I can't carry shit, and I immediately noticed how helpful the perk overhauling of local leader is to allow you to stash stuff with them for drop off.

Plus there's a noted focus on non VATS play which opens stuff up a lot, I think. Knowing there's no auto teleport for melee and that something is there to replace it is great. Always felt very much like there were only a few key ways to play fallout 4 and now it feels bigger.

Plus the variety of clutter/ objects and color variety of clothes is like a breath of fresh air. I'm having to take my time in places because I'm not looking for the same standard caps stash everyone agreed to use. It's nice. Refreshing.

Oh and the fuckin armor/weapon changes are subverting that feeling of there being some sort of one best loadout. I absolutely adore how often I'm having to go "oh shit uh maybe I'll come back with a pipe pistol to clear out these feral ghouls later" because my 10mm rounds are too important, I know I have quieter armor back at the red rocket for sneaking into a good position, I want to grab rad away, etc before going in.

I also never really liked power armor. I always wound up leaving it after the museum fight. Now it just blows the fuck up. They're pretty much single use unless you devote the time to it. I felt like there was just too much power armor in the world so this is a real welcome change. Hoping fighting them is interesting and not nearly impossible.

I'm only level seven and haven't gone too far south of concord yet, building up a few Settlements because who doesn't love it and christ I'm gonna need all the resources I can get. Since I have no strength gathering scrap has been slow but it's coming together.

I'm excited to get to Cambridge and see how Danse and the losers in the BoS are doing and how that fight will go. The arcjet mission is always a bit of a stressful go when I try new mods cos sometimes the synths are way overpowered but I'm feeling it. I'm looking forward to how it might look different in there.

Idk the removal of like five mods I was never gonna touch cos it was all evil RP shit also was a nice drop. I have my reservations about the commonwealth police department stuff in SS2 but jfc y'all want be to work with a crew of jailers who became slave traders in your mod you must be fuckin with me

Fingers crossed it keeps holding up

Haha oh

Life in the Ruins is a top tier modlist for fallout 4 holy fuck

[literaila]

calm before the storm 

spencer reid x reader 

summary: gradually, spencer lets down those walls he’s been building. it works, for the most part. 

abc’s masterlist. 

warnings: ah... i can’t even warn you about most of it. anyway. angst, fluff (lots), its spencer, so, anxiety, commitment issues 

a/n: can you tell how excited i am to get through this part? 

(this gif makes me want to throw something at a wallsjfh)

*

there was no irrational thought that would allow spencer to even imagine this. 

someone like you, walking with him to drop off a letter. 

a letter which you didn't even ask about. no, you assured him, you were just happy to walk with him. just wanted to hang out. 

you missed him, you'd told him with a wide smile when he answered the door. 

you hoped you weren't intruding. 

spencer didn't have the sensibility to say that you could never be an intrusion. that he felt like he was taking up so much space when he was around you, and he didn't want it to stop. he didn't have it in him to whisper that he was glad you were here, that he was just going to walk--alone--to the mailbox, and that he'd been thinking about you all day. 

that he'd been thinking about you, and all of your complexities, since he was just a kid. daydreaming. 

he was still just a kid. he often had to pinch himself, to make sure he was actually awake. 

and then wash his hands immediately after. 

but spencer didn't have it in him to tell you any of this. he didn't want to bombard you with the infinite galaxies that rummaged around his brain, cluttering any space there might've been. 

no, he wanted to keep you smiling. didn't want to scare you away. 

because there was no rational thought that could get rid of that fear. 

so he took your hand--held out for him in a simple gesture of trust, affection, and something spencer couldn't quite place. he smiled at you. 

didn't say anything else. hoped you understood. 

*

"you're quiet today, dr. reid," you say to him later, when dusk has approached and spencer's scared to let you go. "something wrong?" 

with a quirked lip, spencer merely uses his other hand to tap his temple, waiting for you to smile. 

you comply.

"ah," you say with a knowing nod, "someone as simpleminded as i could never understand the intricacies behind your silence." 

spencer snorts, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. 

"i get it, spencer, don't worry." 

but he shakes his head. clears his throat. "i've just got a lot on my mind." 

your smile falls, only marginally. spencer wants to smack his hand to his head, curse himself for saying anything at all, for getting rid of his favorite thing. a masochist, he's always been. 

"your mom?" you ask him, voice a bit lower. "school?" 

you walk forward with him, keeping up with his pace. you don't even comment when his hands start to get clammy, only squeezing tighter. 

spencer smiles. "a bit of both." 

"do you want to talk about it?" 

not really, spencer knows. he doesn't want to voice his fears, the little secrets tucked under the penalty of his mind. he would rather keep them to himself--if only to save you from the reality behind his eyes. 

but you've already seen so far. you understand him far more than he's willing to admit. 

and he enjoys talking to you. no matter what it is. 

"the doctor thinks her medication is working," spencer looks over, to carefully scrutinize your reactions. "better than it was, at least. her letters are consistent. she misses me." spencer smiles a little bit. 

"of course she does," you say, only slightly teasing. "so what's wrong?" 

"it's just hard to be away, sometimes," he whispers to you. 

"because you miss her?" 

"because this isn't what she wants. i know she misses me, but she misses her independence more." 

when you look at him, spencer feels the weight on his chest increase tenfold. 

it's your eyes. the gentle understanding behind them, the comprehension that he doesn't even have for himself. 

he's read about beauty, flaws, about every type of person, and all types of deities. he's never read about anyone like you. 

"spencer, you can't feel guilty about that," you say, and it's a gentle chiding. 

he tries to look away and finds that he can't. 

you stop walking, slowing down to face him completely. he's immediately distracted by your proximity. by your hands coming to rest on his face. 

you look at him closely, searching for something. 

"but you do," you say. "you feel guilty?" 

spencer nods, the movement small, cheeks warm. "i'm the reason she can't live at home anymore. i left to go to school, and she couldn't be alone." 

you're frowning now. spencer tries not to relish in the sight. the cute jut of your lip. "that's not your fault." 

"if i had stayed..." 

you throw your head back, sighing almost agitatedly. "spencer, you deserve to have a life of your own. you came here for school. it's not like you completely abandoned her or wouldn't go back as soon as she needed you." 

spencer looks away from your eyes. he's told himself all of this before, but it sounds different coming from your mouth. 

"right?" you press, trying to get him to look back at you. 

"right," he relents, softly. 

"she wouldn't want you to give up your life to take care of her, spencer, you know that." you smile at him, almost flustered, frustrated. 

this comfort is different. no consolation, only tough nurture. 

spencer wants to smile at the realization. he wants to smile because he's told you this, and that seems like an achievement of its own. because he's been guilty for a year, and you still haven't run away. 

how glorifying it is to pull you in a little bit closer. 

"say it back to me," you tell him, still scolding. 

spencer laughs, shaking his head from your hands and taking them in his. "i know that." 

your brow and lip quirk. "good," you say. "i'm sorry." 

spencer frowns. "for what?" 

"berating you. you can have whatever emotions you want, but..." you say with a small smile. "i'm gonna tell you when they're wrong." 

spencer laughs again. he leans a little bit closer to you. "wrong?" 

you roll your eyes, pulling back. "you write your mom literally every day, genius." 

your hands have traveled to his neck, playing with the hair you can reach. you're so close to him that spencer is almost sure he can feel your heart against his.

beating in a gentle metronome. 

he would like to listen to it, to feel it, until he can’t feel anything else. 

unfortunately, he doesn't get the opportunity. you press a quick kiss to his cheek, pulling away. 

spencer only whines a little bit. 

you laugh at him, taking one of his hands in yours again and starting to walk. "c'mon. let's drop this letter off and then go home and watch doctor who." 

"how did you-" 

"you have comic books on your bookshelf. i know all about the lore, spencer." 

he doesn't correct you. prefers to just let you pull him along. 

"plus," you say, a bit lower. spencer quirks a brow. "i've never seen it.”

and then he blinks at you, hurrying to slow you down. "you've never seen-" 

*

and it's later when spencer has the realization. 

spencer's sitting on the opposite side of the couch, carefully watching you for any reaction you might have. he's seen it all before, so he doesn't even need to watch to know what's going on. 

and besides, he'd much prefer to watch you. to count the wrinkles on your skin, all of the smile lines and things he's seen you try to hide. 

he'd much rather watch your eyes flash with the lights, and observe the different kinds of smiles in different succession. 

honestly, if you'd suggested to just sitting and staring at each other for three hours, spencer wouldn't have complained. he'd do whatever you wanted to, willingly. 

and he hasn't gotten bored yet. 

you clear your throat, looking over at spencer, then back to the screen. "you know," you say, voice just loud enough for him to hear. "you don't seem very interested in this, spencer." 

"i love doctor who." 

you look over at him with an eyebrow raised. "then how come you're not watching it?" 

spencer pauses. watching your eyes. he doesn't have time to answer before you say: "is it boring after you've already seen it?" 

at that spencer scoffs, shaking his head. 

you laugh at him, turning back towards the screen. your eyes glance over at him every couple of minutes, just to be sure that he's still paying attention. 

he's not. spencer won't deny that. 

"this is like scooby doo with aliens," you tell him. 

"it was released six years after the original doctor who, so it's more like scooby doo is doctor who with teenagers." 

you don't even acknowledge that, just point to the screen accusingly. spencer laughs. 

"why do they always split up? you'd think they'd have figured it out by the tenth episode." 

"they haven't died yet, so it works for them," spencer nods along with his lips pursed. 

you look over at him, dubious. "they've confessed their love for each other on the brink of death at least seven times now." 

"it was twice." 

"point still stands. they're both idiots." 

"arguably, the doctor is the smartest person in the universe..." you just stare at him blankly. spencer doesn't have it in him to wipe the smile off of his face. 

"where's the proof?" you say, pointing to the screen again. you're laughing now though, maybe at the dumbstruck expression on spencer's face. 

his face is glued to a sort of delighted expression. he feels like he's waiting for you to unpause him. 

and somehow, he doesn't want you to. he'd rather sit here, just watching you, than ever feel sane again. 

a strange sort of occurrence. a weird recognition hits him with every smile you send his way. 

you increase that weight on his chest with a devious smile and he doesn't care at all. he'd suffocate under the burden of emotions as long as you're there with him. 

spencer's lost looking at you when you look over at him again with a tiny smirk. "spencer," you whisper. 

he shakes his head, trying to put his brain back together. "what?" 

"this blanket is cold." 

he tilts his head. "the... blanket is cold?" 

you nod. "and lonely." 

spencer frowns. 

and then you laugh at him and he looks up. "will you just come here?" 

"over there?" 

you nod. 

spencer's brow furrows, but he moves closer, somewhat confused. "why?" he asks as he nears you. 

"cause i wanna cuddle." 

and then his eyes widen. he looks down like he's going to find a camera somewhere. "you-" he swallows. "you want to cuddle? with me?" 

you're somewhat amused, somewhat bewildered. "is that okay?" 

spencer feels himself nodding without even thinking about it. he moves closer to you, feeling even more sweaty now that he's right next to you. "of course," he says. "that's okay." 

but he doesn't know where to put his hands. doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing, how he's supposed to feel in a situation like this, and he doesn't know how to shield himself from the pure adoration that fills his body every time you laugh at him. 

like right now. 

you're shaking your head at him, face illuminated, when you move closer to him. "c'mere," you say to him and press your body to his so that spencer can't feel anything else. 

he is absolutely freezing, and going to die of heat flash and a heart attack, and he’s also so so content. 

as soon as you nuzzle into him, face right on his chest, body so warm, so soft. as soon as you're next to him, and he's holding you in his arms, it's all okay. 

he doesn't even know how this is supposed to feel, but he knows that he doesn't want it to stop. 

how could he? 

a moment later, with your fingertips trailing across the skin of his neck, you ask: "good?" 

and spencer just nods against your head. he can barely breathe. 

he can feel it when you giggle at something on the screen, when your chest contracts as you inhale and exhale. he can feel every bit of movement, every slight correction, and he can see the way your body holds itself up, the gentle compaction of your skin. 

he's never been so close to anyone else. he's never felt like this before. 

he holds you a bit tighter at the thought. 

he can feel it when you whisper against him. "are you tired?" you whisper to him, breathing right on him. 

spencer looks out of his peripheral to the window. he hadn't even realized it was dark outside. 

"no," he whispers back, swallowing. "are you?" 

you shake your head against him. but he can feel and hear you yawn. 

the tv plays on in the background, but spencer hasn't been paying attention for at least the last hour. 

"do you like it, sweetheart?" he asks, against the quiet contentment of the two of you. he barely even realizes that he's saying the words. 

but he can tell your smiling--if only for the sound of it in your voice. 

"yes. i like that too." 

"what?" 

"sweetheart." 

and then spencer's mind catches up to him. "oh," he whispers, pausing. "i-i didn't. i'm sorry?" 

"spencer," you laugh, looking up to him--your head moves against his chest. "i just said i like it." 

"okay." 

you tilt your head, watch his eyes. "you don't need to be embarrassed." 

"i'm not," he assures you in a bit of a lie. the words sort of just slip from his mouth. 

"you're not?" you repeat, teasing him. 

"no." 

"okay," you say, looking away and shaking your head. 

but spencer can barely breathe. he can barely swallow, can barely move when you're so close to him and he's just let it slip past his lips. 

when he almost said more. 

because he can feel it now--that weight on his chest--and unspoken feeling that he's never been able to name. 

the kind of devotion that wraps itself around your ribcage and makes itself a home in the quietest of corners. the sort of infection that refuses to leave, even when you beg. 

it's the sort of feeling that's always unspoken. that you can barely feel developing. 

and spencer's almost just let it slip. 

he's almost said those words so many times. 

but he's only just realized it. 

with you on his chest, laughing at him, teasing him in the sweet sort of way you always do. 

he loves you. 

he can't tell you that. 

*

when he wakes up the next morning, on his couch, with your hand on his chest--still--arms wrapped around you in a gesture of protection, he is ceased by fear. 

he is under the clutches of terror and he can't seem to escape. 

when you leave later, with a pretty smile and a million different kinds of kisses, spencer can barely breathe as he shuts the door behind you. 

he never wants you to go. never wants to be so far. 

the fear grabs at his chest, shaking him. 

when he gets a text from you later that night telling him about the donut shop down the street, the smile on his face feels pained. 

he can't even stop the beating in his chest for a moment. 

spencer is consumed by the idea. he is wrapped in a gentle frightening embrace that squeezes him until there's nothing left. 

he loves you so much, and he doesn't know how to compartmentalize that. 

should he tell you? should he keep it secret, bury it under the bodies that have developed in his chest? 

should he kiss you again, just to taste that sweet ambrosia he's addicted to? 

shall he turn himself into gold? 

let this terror take him until he's ceased to exist? 

i love you, is the first thought he has when he wakes up the next morning. 

and the last, as soon as his phone rings. 

*

part nine. 

my masterlist here. 

[simdertalia]

2021 Pride Cakes | A Psyzny Recolor

Here are all of them in one package file, as promised 😊 I had to do a couple swatches at a time because of my schedule lately, so now that I’ve finished (i think, if anyone does not feel represented in this recolor set pls let me know and I can make one for you.) here is one package file with all of the cakes as 14 swatches.

Sims 4, base game compatible

Mesh by pysznydesign (included) and it is part of this set (ad-warning, though the link seems to be broken. Disclaimer: Never click on downloads with an ad unless you know how to bypass them, and know not to click on any preemptive download boxes that may pop up, before the actual download page comes up.)

14 swatches. Found in clutter and misc. decor. 10 Simoleons.

To find quickly, start typing “2021 pride” into the search query in buy/build mode. If you’re like me and have a lot of CC in your game, an easy way to find things is to search for the title of the item you’re looking for.

💗 Anyone here via SimFinds, please see THIS POST

📁 Download my recolor <HERE>

📁 Alternate download <HERE>

If you want the individual Pride cake recolor package files, click <HERE>. 

~I claim no ownership of the images used for my recolors, all credit goes to the artist(s).~

As always, please let me know if you have any issues! Enjoy and Happy Simming!

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

[mortifyingideal]

adjective issues Crowley’s flat was… well, there was no two ways about it. It was horrendous. Aziraphale knew his own tendencies when it came to interior decor erred on the cluttered side of things, and there were obvious and already-experienced hazards that came with living in what amounted to a pile of kindling, but this polar opposite lifestyle of Crowley’s really was taking the cake. He wasn’t entirely against Brutalism as an aesthetic— how could he be, when it had led to the Barbican’s creation? There was a sort of passion to be found in such ascetic architecture. Crowley’s flat held no such passion, however. It held no such anything, as far as Aziraphale could tell. A bed, the plant room, the ridiculous throne room with its marble slab desk and wall-mounted television at such a bizarre angle Aziraphale didn’t understand how Crowley had avoided a permanent crick in that serpentine neck. This was, in Aziraphale’s explorations of the space, the sum total of Crowley’s belongings. All the other rooms were barren, concrete and slick flooring with nary a sign of life to contrast the raw building materials and turn them into something beautiful.

It was, to put it lightly, completely insane.

Aziraphale tried his best to approach the subject with some grace that evening, but had been a little distracted from pursuing the topic entirely due to their impending doom. 

“Well, you certainly have lots of space here, don’t you!” Aziraphale had said. 

“I think the wisely part is a dig, somehow. The old witch mocking us from the great beyond. If she’s so clever, how come she’s dead, that’s what I want to know,” Crowley had replied, and that had been that. 

He’d been reluctant to bring it up again, and really there was no reason to now. The bookshop was back. They’d won. Life carried on as normal. Aziraphale didn’t need to go to Crowley’s flat, because Crowley was always at the shop. Only… Crowley seemed to like his creature comforts. Certainly seemed to like Aziraphale’s, anyway. Storing endless leftovers from their meals together in Aziraphale’s fridge, stretching out to his full length on Aziraphale’s tatty sofa, even commandeering Aziraphale’s bathtub for a week once in the lead up to a shed. The angel had taken all of this in his stride, happy to provide a space where Crowley felt safe to use what he needed. Then, Crowley had started making suggestions. Leaving little hints around the place.

IKEA magazines appeared with furniture items circled in red pen. Aziraphale would turn on his computer and find his browser open with several MADE.COM tabs left open. Nothing was being purchased, not even added to the basket, but Crowley’s intent was clear. Aziraphale’s things were not up to his exacting standards, and this was the demon’s not-so-subtle way of letting him know. Things came to a rather tumultuous head when Aziraphale was confronted with a woman on his doorstep claiming to be a personal home stylist who just wanted to pop in and see what she could do with the space, and he should have warned her about the whole wood-and-dust vibe happening because they’d seriously have to rethink their entire colour scheme if this was what she was working with. He transported her somewhere far, far away, and stormed upstairs to confront Crowley.

“Demon!” Aziraphale roared, kicking open the bathroom door.

“Angel,” Crowley replied, quickly batting away the horns he’d made for himself out of bubbles.

“If you take issue with my furnishings, I’d rather have you tell me to my face,” he said, crossing his arms firmly. “You’re not usually half so sneaky when insulting my taste. Out with it. What’s brought all this on?”

Crowley, to Aziraphale’s surprise, flushed a little. “Notice that, did you?”

Aziraphale pinched the bridge of his nose. “I may be a little slow on the uptake, but it’s rather difficult to ignore when some young woman who fancies herself Ray Eames asks me my opinion on perspex.”

“She wasn’t supposed to arrive until this afternoon,” Crowley said, sinking into the water. “I was going to chat to you about it before then. It’s not for you, anyway. Don’t want you to get rid of your stuff. You love your stuff, I love your stuff. This would be for me.”

“I’ve seen how you live, Crowley. You’ve never seemed bothered about owning household ephemera before,” Aziraphale sighed, moving to perch on the lip of the tub. “And why drag me into all of this? Why leave all these things out where I might see them? Are you— did you want me to buy you gifts?” 

“No! Not gifts, I mean, if you were feeling generous, I wouldn’t say no but. I was going to pay you back,” Crowley said. “It’s just… embarrassing, alright?”

“Wanting me to spoil you is not embarrassing, Crowley. I just want to know why you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about all this.”

“You’re going to be insufferable about it,” Crowley pouted.

“I promise you, I won’t be insufferable. I will endeavour to be sufferable about it at most,” Aziraphale grinned.

But an angel could hardly be blamed for immediately breaking his promise in the face of an explanation from a demon who was mortified at the prospect of buying anything known as household goods.

[ladyartemesia]

The Terms

◐ PART III of THE ALPHA ◐

◐ Part I ◐ Part II ◐ Series Masterlist ◐

Pairing: Alpha Werewolf Jimin x Omega Reader

Rating: Mature (for this installment)

Warnings: ABO sexual dynamics including discussion of scenting, marking, mating, and claiming. Violence and discussion of violence relating to ritual combat. Jin’s pheromones need their own warning. Yoonji and Yunli are not the same person.

Word Count: 2300

Author’s Note: As promised, this chapter is twice as long as the previous two and a lot of what people have been speculating about in the asks is discussed in this chapter... along with a few surprises...

“Luna rex provocatione means ‘the moon king’s challenge.’ It is never invoked lightly as its consequences are grave indeed... If an alpha believes that he is the true Alpha and the goddess has placed another in his path as a test of worthiness and dedication to the pack, then he will acknowledge his acceptance of this test by declaring luna rex provocatione. Once the challenge has been set forth only the death of the Luna’s first mate or the total surrender of the challenger can satisfy it...”

Text of the traditional speech given by a chief elder to begin a luna rex provocatione ritual [7th century]

“I know you won’t understand, but this isn’t personal-”

Jimin offered his rival an overtly feigned smile.

“You plan to kill me and claim my mate. Which part of that could I possibly take personally?”

Tae snorted somewhere in the background and Yoongi elbowed him hard.

Tradition dictated that both alphas meet with their second-in-commands in the chief elder’s chambers to discuss the terms of combat.

Namjoon brought Min Yoongi and Jimin had somehow ended up with Taehyung.

He didn’t remember actually agreeing to make Tae his second...

It just sort of happened somewhere between calming his hysterical mother and quickly reading up on archaic pack law.

The chief elder coughed uncomfortably. Goddess, this ascension was supposed to be easy. He never in a million moons thought he’d be in this position.

The last chief elder who oversaw a luna rex provocatione ritual had immortalized it in his journal as “the single most horrific moment of my life,” describing in detail the Luna howling in torment at the loss of her mate and the victor collapsing over the corpse of his foe in misery and guilt.

As in the past, the outcome of this conflict was already decided by fate...

Pain and regret weighed heavily on the older man as he considered the younger of the two alphas.

Park Jimin was going to die violently and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Because Kim Namjoon issued the challenge, his opponent will decide combat form. Your choices are human form, half-shifted, and wolf-form. After your choice is declared, Namjoon may add a minor alteration if he so desires. Park Jimin, please declare form.”

“Human,” he answered softly - and every single occupant of the room recoiled in response.

It was bad enough to witness a fight in wolf form or half-shifted... but to engage in ritual combat as a human-

It would be brutal - even psychologically disturbing - without the benefit of a wolf’s hide to mask the savagery.

Namjoon’s eyes widened in shock, but he recovered quickly.

“I request teeth and claws.”

Not quite a half-shift. Teeth and claws allowed for attacks using lengthened canines and claws.

It could make a kill slightly more... humane.

Jimin nodded and the elder pressed his seal over the first of the terms.

The were no windows in the small, stuffy chamber and between the heavy ceremonial garb and the nearly twenty braided praesidium bracelets wrapped around his wrists, Jimin felt as if the blood in his veins was literally coming to a boil.

Though he dared not remove them to relieve his discomfort.

Each bracelet represented a prayer to the goddess. They were given as protection to a loved one before a great trial.

His mother had not stopped making them since the ascension. She’d torn apart her most expensive dress and spent hours twisting the fabric strips into intricate traditional braids while she prayed...

Jimin’s fingers sought them out for comfort as the miserable parade of ritual legalities marched past the two hour mark.

Many agreements (like Jimin’s insistence that his mother not be allowed to attend the fight and Namjoon’s pledge to financially support the Park family in the event of their alpha’s death) were settled quickly, however the sheer number of details to be solidified was overwhelming.

“I think it best if we adjourn for a short recess,” the chief elder sighed wearily and Taehyung nearly ran Yoongi over in his desperate scramble to finally use a restroom.

Jimin turned to leave, but a hand on his elbow drew him back.

“I want you to know, I did this for you as much as for the rest of them.”

His tone was low and carefully respectful, but Jimin’s wolf snapped irritably at the elder alpha’s presumption.

“What an... interesting statement to make.”

He pointedly removed Namjoon’s hand from his arm with calculated nonchalance.

“No one expected you to be chosen... Jungkook, or even Hoseok, would have been an understandable alternative, but you’ve never taken being an alpha seriously-”

“According to you,” Jimin fired back, finally allowing his voice to harden in cold fury. “I have always known and valued what I am. I simply never felt called to your version of it.”

Namjoon tilted his head in acknowledgement.

Park Jimin might not look particularly dangerous ... but for the first time, the Kim alpha considered that he may have underestimated his opponent.

“Either way - the pack does not trust you. They are not confident in your ability to lead them,”his hands fisted reflexively at his side as he considered the weight of his next words, “...but if you beat me, they will never question your strength.”

Jimin’s hands tightened into fists.

Namjoon might be an overconfident windbag, but he had a point.

He faced an uphill battle to subdue a restless pack as well as increased threats from rival clans looking to expand their own power and territory.

The challenge was a chance to establish his claim.

Or die trying.

“You think rather highly of yourself,” he chuckled and Namjoon bristled indignantly.

“I have devoted my life to the pack. I have never questioned my duty to them.” He leaned forward a bit, holding the younger alpha’s gaze with purpose. “That is why I will not hesitate to kill you.”

“And what of the Luna?” Jimin wondered in mock contemplation. “Do you think she will take kindly to the loss of her mate if you win?”

Namjoon’s jaw clenched. The Luna was clearly a sore subject.

“If I win, then you were never really her mate were you? Your entire existence boils down to nothing more than a sacred test in my destined path.”

Silence stretched heavily as the two alphas regarded one another with open hostility.

“I will fight you till the last shred of life is ripped from my body,” Jimin snarled.

A shiver ran down Namjoon’s spine, though he was far from intimidated.

“At least now you sound like an alpha,” he scoffed.

Then he was gone.

Jimin waited till the sound of the older man’s footsteps faded before slamming his fist into the table.

He needed air and to be alone with his thoughts for moment before he could civilly resume the endless negotiations.

Unfortunately, the only place offering both of those things was a cluttered balcony near the back of the building.

The room traditionally designated for luna rex provocatione proceedings had been used as a storage closet for at least the last hundred years (and therefore needed to be hastily cleared after Namjoon’s inconvenient declaration). Consequently, the room’s former contents (piles of toys from this season’s charity drive) were now strewn haphazardly across the narrow outdoor space like debris from a brightly colored bomb.

Jimin carefully navigated his way to the balcony’s wooden rail and lifted his eyes to the moon.

“Please,” he begged softly “... send me a sign.”

“If he did not hate me before, he surely does now,” you sighed, staring morosely at the lights flickering in the old chamber building. Somewhere within the bowels of that archaic fire hazard, your mate of less than twenty-four hours was negotiating a nightmare.

“This is not your fault, Luna-“

“Isn’t it?” you snapped. “That’s who I am. I’m the Luna, if I could just accept another mate without someone getting their throat ripped out, then none of this would be necessary.”

Jin sqeezed your hand sympathetically.

The council placed you under guard in a small cottage across from the elder’s chambers in order to prevent the alphas from having any contact with you. Since then you kept a constant vigil from its rickety porch, hoping to catch a glimpse of the young man whose life you had ruined.

“Would you do it then - if you could?... Would you accept another mate to spare the Park alpha?”

Bitter tears burned at the corner of your eyes.

“Yes,” you whispered, “...I think I’d do almost anything to save him.”

Comfortable silence settled between you for several minutes - until a small flutter of movement drew your gaze to the chamber balcony.

Then he walked out.

And just the sight of him was enough to slam your heart up into your throat.

Jimin...

Jin quickly turned to your guard and unleashed a wave of pheromones that would have knocked out a grizzly bear. The guard whined and abandoned her post to follow him inside without a second thought, leaving you conveniently alone.

Male omegas are a rare and dangerous breed, you observed wryly, before retuning your attention to the man across the path.

A painful ache twisted hungrily in your gut as you watched him tilt his face to the sky. Somehow the relentless beauty of his features was even more captivating in the moonlight...

Suddenly a strong breeze braided though the air around you, playing with the loose strands of your hair and carrying your scent away from the small cottage and up to the balcony where the young alpha sought solace.

Jimin’s eyes shot open as the rich, unforgettable essence of you exploded over his senses. His gaze immediately locked with yours, cutting through the distance and darkness with an intensity that left you reeling.

You could not see his face at the ascension - instead the blindfold left you burning with curiosity as your mind conjured a thousand variations of how he might have looked on you in that moment...

Yet every last one of them fell short.

You could never have imagined the naked longing - the fierce desire - that burned boldly in his regard.

A strange, desperate frustration overtook you.

He was too far away - and Namjoon was going to take him from you before you could touch him again - before you could breathe him in again-

The cruel wind continued to pull your fragrance toward Jimin like an erotic incense, yet it offered you no such gift in return. You could not discern his scent and you wanted to - needed to - with a voracity that was almost blinding.

Please...

A mournful whimper tore from your lips and Jimin’s body reacted instantly to your distress.

Suddenly he was digging through the piles of mismatched trinkets and toys on the balcony, tossing aside all manner of discarded treasures till he finally found what he was searching for.

“Jimin-hyung! Where are you? Chief elder wishes to resume-”

Jimin glanced toward door as his fingers worked frantically over the object his hands.

“I’m on my way!”

His eyes found yours one last time, then he drew back-

A muted thwack echoed a few inches from your shoulder as whatever Jimin threw embedded itself into one of the porch beams.

Your fingers trembled with anticipation as you reached forward to retrieve (what appeared to be) a pointed metal dart - probably from a wall-mounted Darts game someone donated...

A length of braided cloth was tied tightly to the shaft and you recognized it immediately as a praesidium bracelet.

Soothing waves of Jimin’s scent drifted up from the fabric where it had rubbed repeatedly against the glands in his wrist.

Your body calmed instantly. Cold desperation gave way to the soft warmth of tenderness.

He knew.

He knew what you needed and he found a way to send it to you.

Your hand closed tightly over the bracelet as you crumpled to your knees and sobbed.

A gentle knock sounded at Namjoon’s door and a familiar figure slipped inside.

“...Yunli?”

Namjoon blinked for several moments in confusion before closing his evening read to approach her.

“Yunli... why - what are you doing here? It’s late - the ritual set to begin at sunrise.” He glanced at the door behind her, “Is Yoongi with you?”

She shook her head.

“My brother doesn’t know I’m here.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened as he considered all the ways his best friend’s younger sister sneaking into his house (in the middle of the night no less) could go horribly wrong.

“Ah. Well... that’s ...not good,” he mumbled, running his hand over his face. “Are-um - are you here to wish me luck for tomorrow?”

He reached for a glass of water to soothe his suddenly dry throat.

“No. Frankly I hope Park Jimin beats you to a bloody pulp.”

Water sprayed comically out of Namjoon’s mouth as he began to cough violently.

“What?!” *wheeze* “Why?!”

She offered him a sad smile.

“You know why, Kim Namjoon.”

He did know why.

Yunli had loved him (or believed she loved him) since she was a little girl.

He sighed heavily.

“Yunli, we’ve been over this-”

“One week. The change comes to me in one week-”

“You’re Yoongi’s sister-”

“I’ll be twenty years old, and for the last time I’m not your sister-”

“Goddess above, Yunli!” he shouted, “You’re just a child!”

Yunli’s hands gripped the collar of his shirt and yanked him down to her level.

“I am not a child!” she growled.

Then her mouth was on his and every single thought he ever had disappeared.

There was only her.

Heat poured through him like heavy syrup as his senses surrendered one by one. His arms wrapped around her without the slightest hesitation, as if their sole purpose was draw her in.

Sweet... Oh goddess, she’s sweet.

Yunli whined needily and a possessive growl rumbled from his chest in response.

Then she was pulling back - wrenching herself away from him with an anguished sob.

Bitter tears flowed freely down her impossibly beautiful face and Namjoon - who spent the majority of his life barely acknowledging his heart - suddenly felt it shatter.

“You should have waited for me,” she whispered.

“Yunli-I-” he tried calling out to her, but it was no use.

She was already gone.

“Are you sure you have everything you need?”

Jimin offered his second a distracted smile and nodded. His room looked the same as it did the morning of the ascension, yet his entire life was different...

“You were great today, Taehyung. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Tae felt his chest swell with pride. He didn’t want to think about what sunrise might bring, but he was determined to serve his old friend well.

For as long as he could.

“I don’t know about that,” he chuckled, recalling that he fell asleep on his feet for three entire terms before anyone noticed. “You’re a surprisingly ruthless negotiator. I barely contributed.”

“I wasn’t alone though...” Jimin whispered, “and when Namjoon first issued the challenge... I thought I might be.”

Taehyung gulped, pushing back the oppressive sorrow settling in his gut in favor of some levity.

“You - uh - you actually missed the wildest part of the whole day.”

“...I did?”

“Yeah it was bizarre. Did you notice the table was different after our break?”

Jimin shrugged. His thoughts had been... elsewhere at that point.

“We couldn’t find you at first, so you missed the whole ordeal but - when we all came back to the room, that big oak table was split in half.”

Hello my precious readers! If you would like to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments.

(If you are already on the taglist, I will automatically tag you in all future chapters, you do not need to ask to be tagged again.)

Please please please PLEASE let me know what you think! This chapter was HARD and I genuinely aganized over it. Your feedback and support are what kept me pushing though. Truly. I would love to hear from you! I treasure every word of feedback like diamonds.

End Note: Yoonji was mentioned earlier in the story. She is Yoongi and Yunli’s cousin. Yunli and Yoonji are separate characters.

[introvert--weeb]

Hi, fellow matchup blog here as well. Could I persay get an Obey Me matchup?

More information can be found on my navigation post [ about me ]

Fem Aries / pansexual (they/she) / ENTJ-A 8w9

I’m known to be either very smiley and optimistically loud or very serious/demanding, quiet, and passive/realistic.

I get angered/irritated very easily but I’m quick to get over it. I don’t hold grudges given I don’t really see the need to , but also I forgive people very easily.

I’m the type of person that just doesn’t care what people think about me. People say I come off as arrogant or selfish. Arrogant yes but I won’t really say I’m selfish. I like to do things that benefit me in a way, but also in a way that also benefits my surroundings.

I like to lead and be in charge of things. Im a quick thinker and like to get things done right then and there. Im very blunt and brutally honest in my leadership/also in general and because of that people may call me an ass or an insensitive beatch. However I’ve learned and tried to compromise with others to get what they also want. Besides that I’m a very energetic person who tries to see the good in others and tries to come off as my best self to ones I don’t know.

However get to know me and I’m actually just a chaotic being. I’d like to say I’m a pretty kind and open minded person who’s fairly goal oriented. I have a problem with not living in the moment and would rather constantly plan things out. I adore (deep) cleaning and will do so whenever I want to, feel the need to, or when I’m pissed off. When I’m alone I prefer to be left alone and I’m very quiet whereas in public I’m very extroverted and energetic.

I play violin/piano. I sing anywhere and anytime. I always find myself humming or singing something.

I tend to like people romantically or even just as friends/people who are much more smarter than I am. And very affectionate through words or not. And people who know how to live in the moment unlike me who’s always future oriented. I like to give people things as an act of love.

Apologies for the long request. Do take your time.

Hello! Of course you can! You sound amazing, I'm not gonna lie ❤️ @vbee-miya

--

I can see you suiting...

Lucifer ❤️

You both would be the power couple of Devildom.

Your personalities and ideals are similar enough where he doesn't get easily irritated with you being around. With you around, he would learn to not keep as many grudges (especially against Mammon and his spending habits) and calm down every now and then.

The main issue in your relationship would be that you both like to be in charge and will make it so things go your way. If you both want different things then expect to try and convince him to compromise with you. However, because he loved you, you would have an easier time doing this than his brothers.

You would help Lucifer when it came to building the relationships he had with his younger brothers. This was because you would both learn how to make better compromises with the others so that everyone was happy with the choice. This was definitely difficult for Lucifer but with you by his side, he was getting better at it. Although he would only do this every now and again so that no-one would try and take advantage of this kinder side. He was still the eldest brother and Avatar of Pride after all.

When it came to the rest of the brothers, you would be close with them all with a preference towards Satan and Mammon.

Satan was because he reminded you of your boyfriend (although you would never admit this to him) and he would tell you about all the new things he had read about. You would settle down in his room with a cup of your favourite hot beverage while the conversation would consist of any topic that had caught his and your attention recently.

Mammon was simply because he was chaotic and you felt you needed that energy in your life sometimes. When you hang out, your energies would match up and you would both try and find something fun to do. This was usually going out shopping so Mammon could buy all the things he saw while you would be trailing behind him, resisting the urge to lecture him about how irresponsible he was being. Although, you did love that he lived entirely within the moment, no thoughts on the consequences for his spending until it came down to facing them. Sometimes you wished you could be just like him.

Dates could happen at any moment with the two of you, but extravagant dates are often left until the end of each month. Smaller dates would usually be held within Lucifer's study or the music room he loved so much. Once he had found out you could play the piano as well as sing, you can bet your ass that he would constantly ask you to entertain him with a song. As you played, he would be sat comfortably in his chair, eyes closed and a glass of wine in hand. Lucifer adored this side of you and made sure you knew just how much he did. Compliments were showered over you, which is surprising since he was known to very rarely say anything nice to anyone else. Pride was definitely thrown out the window around you though (not entirely but he sure wasn't how he usually is).

Lucifer understood the importance of alone time and so would make it a point to allow you both time to yourselves. You appreciated it more than he probably knew. Although he loved you with his entire being, being around you 100% of the time would have caused arguments and resentments. After all, having your own life away from each other was an important aspect of any relationship to prevent co-dependency.

Cleaning day was every Sunday in the House of Lamentation. Lucifer would make sure Mammon and Belphie didn't try to get you to clean their rooms so they could goof off or sleep. Even though he knew you loved deep cleaning, there was only so much you could do and he didn't want you to get worn out. Might even buy you specific things you wanted to get a better cleaning experience. He would find it hard to say no when you begged to clean his study because it was becoming cluttered. He appreciates how clean you are, even trying to get on your level but it's just too difficult when he has Diavolo to deal with.

In public, the most affection you would get is him holding your hand or placing a quick kiss to the top of your head. When you both are in the comfort of his study or room, this demon gets SUPER affectionate. Might even be a little touch starved so he would enjoy cuddles and other softer expressions of your love. Definitely would place you on his lap while he completes paperwork, his spare hand rubbing circles into your palm. Anything to just have you touching him.

He keeps everything you give him in a special drawer at his desk. Cards you had given him for his birthday or valentine's day, little love notes, dried up flowers, this drawer had them all. Secretly will reread the love notes every night before going bed. He is secretly a softie when it comes to you.

[secrets-of-the-library]

This is the fan-created personal home of Arthur Kirkland I made, realistically, like anywhere between a year to two years ago. This is well before the Cottage pack that just recently came out (And I am upset because that could’ve added so much more but I can’t be bothered to alter it now after all this time). Remember: This is fan/headcanon created. I build for fun and am not a professional. I do not build with the intention of having it livable/non-clashing. If something clashes it will be up to you to fix it because I build for the pure aesthetic and not functionality. I own a lot of packs so if you don’t own all the ones used in this there might be issues. After the cut here I will provide a visual walk-through via screen captures. You’re more than welcome to download it and look at it for yourself. My username on Sims4 is Shinoshallbugyou.

First up, the outside overview. Keep in mind that Sims 4 limits the lot to a harsh degree. I actually really miss Sims 3 in how you could alter and change the environment otherwise I’d have Arthur’s home buried in a garden/trees. I have placed his home in the University area because it felt the best suited. There wasn’t any particular designs I was going for... I just kind of made it and went with it. His home, unlike Spain’s that I am working on, is much smaller in comparison. I particularly wanted to bury this home in foliage and green with ivy climbing up the wall and etc. Something to where you could have enchanted little areas to sit in, fairies, and etc. Something to where he can be more introverted and away from others.

3rd Floor- Attic/storage.

2nd Floor - Full bath, office, and his bedroom.

1st Floor - Entry room, 1/2 Bathroom, Living room, dining room, kitchen. Outside there is a small backyard area as well as a greenhouse.

I specifically always want to try to do a ‘triangle’ entry or a sloped half triangle entry. It ALWAYS clashes and hates being put in there but the aesthetic of it appeals to me and I’m always trying things even if they’re difficult. I know some of these objects may seem more German than British but... I don’t care lmao. I don’t do this to do a 100% British Speedrun. Just fun.

The greenhouse in particular was something I wanted and is difficult to implement. Those are not full walls and as such do not drop down like normal walls for those of you who download this. Also, previously, I had custom content on the windows and doors of this greenhouse that were removed with several updates and I can’t be bothered to re-download it so I chose something from a pack. That would do. I love the idea of a greenhouse and wanted to try it and I particularly liked making this house in specific ‘cramped’.

I really liked adding this ‘side door’ that goes into the living room with its little step-up.

I really tried, to the edge of it, building the lush garden and foliage covers.

A small, quiet area for tea and fairies. There are lots of gnomes and stuff hidden throughout this house! Just a fun little surprise. My fiancee tried to play this build of mine and since I have seasons fall is triggered but it just adds to the look, in my opinion.

The backdoor into the kitchen with another cute step-down.

My hands were killing me by the end after adding all this foliage but it’s worth it. We also joked in a larp once that when America visited he accidentally broke a gnome and hid it in the bushes. Arthur immediately noticed that Reginald was missing. Where did Reginald go? Reginald???

The front entry room or, I suppose, a ‘mud’ room. I never do these and I really liked it.

A lot of Arthur’s house will be cluttered and lived-in. I love those looks. Also, my apologies in advance, I didn’t realize there would be an outline where my mouse was hovering. I’m a builder, not a photographer.

I wanted a nook of a kitchen. The walls aren’t even that high but the Sims 4 is great about making things ridiculously tall. I think I joked about putting a step-stool in there for him lmao. The door leads down below into a 1/2 bathroom. I also in particular liked that oven because it was a ‘London’ oven.

Greys and browns were something I thought that Arthur would like. More Earthy tones. I wanted a ‘round table’ for obvious purposes. I had a custom content here too and had to improvise when they removed it. I like to think that Arthur also collects those cute dishes that some people do.

The living room as well as stairs going up. I wanted it old-fashioned a bit with an old record player and the TV isn’t the main focus but is there because he has reluctantly upgraded over the years. And while you can’t see it... I miss in Sims 2&3 I believe it was that they would put on ‘chimneys’ for the fireplaces. I love how realistic that is rather than it just... Being in the wall???? So I make 1x2 spaces behind the fireplaces by default now that they’re missing from the game. I miss those. The clipping from the half triangle roof is here along with foliage. Usually my brain just blocks out that stuff or I try to hide it. In this case... I blocked it out and ignored it.

Going upstairs, peering down into the living room.

I really, REALLY wanted this weird bay-window with a ledge here. A lot of stuff I want is a pain to do but I always want to. I temporarily removed a clipping roof object here (It is the ‘rounded roof’ here). I enjoy how it looks outside but not inside. For the pictures sake, I removed it. The window doesn’t allow it to disappear and for some reason it clips into the bathroom as well even though that makes no sense. Roofing is one of the hardest aspects in this game.

The full bathroom first. The top view gives the most details as to how it looks. Since it isn’t big I have to remove the walls to see further into it.

Arthur’s personal office. I wanted to involve a bit more of the spiritual or supernatural things he’s into since I wasn’t interested in making a basement for this project.

Arthur’s bedroom. I really enjoyed this one because of the quilted bed and things like that. I added the rocking chair and knitting sidekick there as an afterthought while looking at this room since, at the time, the knitting pack hadn’t come out when I made this. I thought the contrasting red and green would actually look good and not just Christmas-y. He has his own little walk-on balcony.

Here is the half triangle structure I was talking about as well as the circular roof down below. Roofing is incredibly difficult and I’m OCD and want it to look a particular way. I about had a fit on Spain’s home recently in regards to roofing.

The 3rd floor... The attic that has been transformed into a storage area. I actually really enjoy making storage areas in particular that help reveal some aspects about these characters I create for. In England’s case I like to imagine that America used to live up in here with him and he’s converted it from Alfred’s bedroom into storage. The babyshoes are supposed to be Alfred’s that he still keeps around. Just little bits and pieces over the years that he’s tossed in here and yet it’s still not really that chaotic... All things considered.

Anyways... That’s it! I hope you all like it! I’ve been working on Spain’s and, unlike England, I like to picture him having a HUGE home. Because of how big it is... It has taken much longer. I have the majority of it done though and am mostly left with his 2nd floor and outside foliage to complete before it’s done! I’ll probably upload the ship and island I’ve made for them on the next post.

[angelsfalling16]

The Way You Wear That Dress

Inspired by the song Dress by Charlotte Sands

Part of the 20 First Kisses Series

Summary: It's the beginning of eighth year, and Simon can't find Baz at the Welcome Back Picnic, so he goes in search of him. What he finds is unexpected and makes him rethink everything he has ever felt for Baz.

Word Count: 2150

If you want to know what I imagined Baz’s outfit looking like, here are the links to the dress and the boots! (I love the idea of Baz in these boots and have used them in a couple of fics now.)

Read it on ao3

***

Simon

It’s the beginning of eighth year, and I’m pretty sure Baz is already up to something. He isn’t at the Welcome Back picnic with everyone else, so I decide to go in search of him and stop whatever scheme he’s about to put into motion.

I start with our room, wondering if maybe he decided to go back up there, but the room looks the same as it always is at the beginning of term. My side is devoid of any personal items since I didn’t have anything I felt like bringing back from the care homes (not that I really had anything there). Baz’s side is immaculate, all of his things neatly put away in their respective places, filled but not cluttered.

I move over to the window to look out at the school. It seems empty right now with everyone else out at the picnic. My eyes skate over the courtyard where, not long ago, the first years’ fates were sealed by the Crucible. I only hope none of them were given as evil a roommate I was.

My gaze continues over the grounds for anyone who isn’t out on the lawn, and after a minute of searching I catch movement on the ramparts.

It could be anyone, but I know it’s him.

I turn away from the window and head back down the stairs and away from Mummers House. I quickly but quietly make my way to where Baz is, not wanting to scare him off before I can figure out what he’s up to but also wanting to get to him before he disappears again.

I come to a stop several feet away from where he stands on the ramparts. It isn’t what he’s doing that causes me to freeze, though. It’s what he’s wearing.

At first, I wonder if he has decided to don the Watford-issued cape for his final year, but then I realize that the swishing of cloth around him isn’t a cape. It’s a dress.

The dark green material falls to just above his knee in the front, giving just a glimpse of his thighs, but in the back, it nearly grazes the ground. At the top, around Baz’s shoulders and chest and around to his back, the material is sheer with interwoven lace, allowing his pale, grey skin to show through. He wears the dress like it’s nothing, like it was made specifically for him. (Knowing Baz, it probably was).

My eyes follow the line of his dress down to his things and knees, but where I expect to see the rest of his legs – his muscular football calves – I’m met with the sight of knee-high boots that are laced up the back and have a heel that adds at least two inches to two inches Baz already has over me.

I can’t seem to stop staring at his outfit, but I finally manage to force my eyes back up, and that’s when I notice Baz’s hair.

For the first time since I’ve met him, Baz is wearing his hair down with no products slicking it back away from his face. Instead, it’s being pushed back by a thin headband, silver like his eyes, that still allows his hair to fall in natural waves around his face.

Suddenly, my mouth is dry and my throat feels tight. I try to form words in my head, but my mind is blank. All I can think is, legs. And that’s when I know that I’m fucked.

How is it that Baz looks so good in a dress? He should look ridiculous. I should want to ridicule him for it. Instead, all I can do is stare and hope that he doesn’t turn and find me staring at him.

For a full minute, my eyes slowly drag up and down his body, taking it all in, before I force myself to look away, not wanting to get caught staring at him. Inevitably, though, my eyes are drawn back to him. 

It’s hard to believe that it’s really him. I just can’t reconcile this version of Baz with the version I’ve known for seven years. He looks so different, but he also looks very much like himself. Possibly even more like himself than he ever has. (If that makes sense.)

I wonder what happened to him this summer. It’s like there was a shift somewhere within him that made him act and dress differently. I just don’t know what it is.

He is dressed so femininely, but he still holds this masculinity about him, and the whole thing is driving me crazy. He pulls it off so effortlessly.

He’s dripping with confidence as he leans his arms on the ramparts, a lit cigarette hanging between his fingers.

I know the smart thing to do would be to turn away and leave him be, but doing what’s smart has never really been my strong suit.

I take a few steps towards him even though I haven’t consciously made the decision to do so. I feel drawn to him like a string is pulling me towards him, and as I draw nearer, I notice a glossiness to his lips, as if he’s spread lip gloss or something over them.

I want to hit him. Why does he always look so good? It’s annoying. 

My eyes fall back to the dress he’s wearing, and I can only imagine what other people might think if they saw him like this. For starters, he’s out of uniform, and also, he looks bloody well perfect, like nothing he wears will ever make him look bad.

I briefly consider going to find the mage and telling him what Baz is wearing, but breaking dress code isn’t enough to get him kicked out of school. Plus, I’m not sure I want to share this side of Baz with anyone else.

I’m not sure why but it probably has a lot to do with the fact that Baz has obviously chosen a place away from everyone else, maybe so they won’t see him like this and judge him for it. But it could be something else holding me back. Something like this desperate need I’m feeling to put my hands on him.

I want to push him up against the wall and…and…. That’s where my thoughts cut off because usually when I push Baz against the wall, I want to punch him, but today, that’s not what I want. I don’t want to fight him. I want to…

I shake my head. I can’t finish that thought, can’t think about what it means.

And yet…

An image pops into my head of my hands on his hips, rubbing against the luxurious material of the dress he’s wearing. Of my hands in his hair, tangling in it. Of his breath on my cheek. Of the feeling of his glossed lips on mine. Of the moment he starts to kiss me back and--.

And I shake my head again.

I won’t lie and say that I don’t want any of that, but I can’t be foolish enough to allow myself to hope for it. Nothing has changed. Baz still hates me, and he’d laugh in my face if he found out that I want to kiss him.

Because I do. Want to kiss him, that is. And it’s not just because of the dress. I think that was just the thing that pushed me to finally admit how I feel. How I’ve felt for a long time.

But Baz will never feel the same way about me.

I should go. I can’t let him catch me practically drooling at the sight of him in that dress.

I turn away from him, but I turn too quickly and trip on my own feet, cursing loudly as I try to catch myself.

“Simon?” Baz says behind me.

“Uh…” I say stupidly, picking myself up off the ground and slowly turning to face him. “Yeah?”

“What are you doing here?”

“You, uh, you w-weren’t at the picnic. I came looking for y-you,” I stutter out as my face flushes red.

“You weren’t supposed to see me like this,” he says, and his voice sounds strangled.

He drops the cigarette to ground and grounds it out with the toe of a boot that probably costs more than everything I have ever owned. That sight shouldn’t make me even more attracted to him, but it does.

He turns one of his usual sneers on me and snaps something snarky at me, probably the beginning of chewing me out for following him, but I barely hear a word he says because I’m so mesmerized by the way he looks. Also, the sound of his voice is somewhat soothing, even with the biting words that no doubt spill from his glossy lips. I missed hearing it while we were away for the summer.

He’s looking at me expectantly now, like he’s waiting for me to answer a question I didn’t hear, and I feel myself blush even deeper.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is Baz. He’s just wearing a dress. I shouldn’t be acting this weird around him.

That’s when I see his nails, colored all black, a glossy sheen to them, and that’s the last straw.

I can’t possibly think straight anymore, so I push all thoughts from my mind and move to close the distance between us. Careful not to mess up the dress, I shove him up against the wall but stop just before our lips meet.

The heels of his boots cause him to tower over me even more than usual, but I’m not bothered by it. I actually kind of love it.

His mouth is parted as if I stopped him mid-word, and the tips of his ears are turning pink. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, though. I’ve never been very good at reading people, especially not when it’s Baz.

“If you’re going to punch me, get it over with already, Snow,” he sneers.

“You called me Simon before,” I say.

“No, I didn’t.”

I shrug. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is, “I don’t want to punch you. Far from it actually.”

He hasn’t pushed me away yet, and my confidence starts to build. Maybe Baz would be more receptive to this than I originally thought. 

I keep one hand on his hip to keep him pinned to the wall and move the other one up to cup the side of his face.

“Is this okay?” I whisper, hesitantly. He nods, so I move my hand up higher, into his hair. My hand slides over the headband and combs through his hair. “What about this?” I ask, my voice breathy and barely audibly.

He nods again.

My eyes drop down to his mouth, and I want to try one more thing, but I don’t want to push my luck. I don’t want to risk trying too much and losing it all.

“Just do it,” Baz whispers as though he read my mind.

I cock my head at him in a question, uncertain whether he actually means what I think he does. Then he says “kiss me” so I quietly I almost don’t hear him. But I do hear him, and it only takes me a beat to lean forward and press my lips firmly to his.

The kiss is everything I imagined and more. His lips taste like cherry cola, and I feel drunk on the taste of him. Like I’ve lost all sense. (And maybe I have since I’m kissing Baz of all people.)

It only takes a moment for Baz to begin kissing me back, his arms coming up to wrap around me and pull me closer. I can feel the dress move along his body as he moves under my hand, and I feel lucky that I get to experience this. It’s a shame that he’ll only be wearing the uniform after this.

I wonder if he would even want to wear this dress in front of other people if he could.

I like the way he looks in it, but I obviously wasn’t meant to see him like this. Does he like wearing the dress? Is he afraid of what other people might think? Has he worn it before?

I have a million questions, but now is not the time to ask. If Baz wants to talk to me about his choice to wear the dress, I’ll be there to listen. But I won’t pressure him into talking about it.

So, for now, I’m going to enjoy it while I can.

I’m going to enjoy this while I can. Having Baz in my hands and not fighting with him. This is so much better than fighting, I think, and I continue to kiss him, thinking about how this may be the best year at Watford yet.

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 31

Series Masterlist

Chapter 31

Warnings: A few curse words, smut

Word Count: 8200

Fred opens the door and helps you into the living room, the hospital having released you. You still have some pain killers, and will be sore for a few days possibly longer.

Unfortunately the twins aren’t ready, so you had to leave them, which took an hour longer than it should have. Fred had to practically pull you from the NICU with tears barrelling down your cheeks. It wasn’t that difficult given that there was a wheelchair waiting for you in the corner and he can easily carry you. If it wasn’t for Oliver you would have put up more of a fight, but he needs his parents. As much fun as he has been having with your grandparents you know they have been struggling to keep up with him the past few days.

Walking through the house you see some shoes haphazardly thrown by the door, dishes rinsed in the sink waiting to be washed, there are some papers scattered on the table all the outcome of the limited time Fred has spent at home the past week. In the bedroom you see a pile of clothes that has been building in the corner and a few towels in a pile on the bathroom floor.

“Sorry, I haven’t spent much time here” Fred explains leading you to rest against the vanity.

“Babe it’s to be expected” you groan while he picks them up taking them to the hamper.

“I just wish I cleaned up more” he yells from the closet. “Just with spending time with you, the twins, shuttling Oliver back and forth this all kind of got put on the back burner” his voice getting quieter as he gets closer to the bathroom.

You know it’s true, Fred never being the messy type. He struggled with the mess that came along with Oliver; the diapers and never ending laundry mixed with limited sleep lead to clutter he never anticipated. That and he didn’t realize how much stuff babies need so storage was always an issue at your old place. It stressed him out never being able to get ahead of it, but eventually he learned to deal with it; accepting some things were out of control and some days kids are messy.

You smile seeing him walk back into the room, Fred’s face lighting up at the same time. He walks over to you placing a soft kiss on your cheek then he makes his way to the shower turning it on. He walks back helping to slowly peel you out of your clothes. You wince slightly from the pain having to lift your arms which causes a scowl to cross his face.

His eyes slowly scan over your body, but not in a wanting desire filled way; he is looking at your bruises and scars this being the first time he has laid eyes on your body since the accident. His eyes stare at your bruised ribs, hands gently rubbing up your arm tracing the faded colours of your skin. He sighs bringing his eyes back up to yours, shooting you a soft half smile.

He returns to the shower and places his hand under the stream adjusting the dials slightly “almost ready” he says stepping back closer to you. You shiver slightly from your exposed skin in the cool air in your bathroom, your nipples hardening. He pulls his shirt over his head and grips his pants, pulling them and his boxers down in one fast motion. You stare at his naked body, a confused look on your face.

“What are you doing?” you ask him as he stumbles out of his socks.

“Never had a problem with me being naked before” he smirks holding a hand out for you. You take his hand and step forward chuckling “I don’t have a problem with it, just wondering why you are naked.”

He helps you into the shower and you feel the warm stream hit your back “I just thought you could use some help, you’re still in a lot of pain. You can barely take your shirt off” he says adjusting the shower head to hit your hair. He gently runs his hands through your hair you tilt your head allowing you to gaze in his eyes.

The last week has been hard on him, the pain written all over Fred’s face; but today he finally looks at peace. He is still tired; physically, mentally and emotionally, and likely will be until the twins get home but getting you home has been a major relief to him. You coming home means Oliver gets to come home and the first step towards normalcy.

His beard is pretty grown in but given they are in the conference finals that doesn’t shock you. But his mustache that’s a different story. He had been trimming it to keep it from getting into his mouth, but it’s longer than you have ever seen it. It is fully curled into his mouth, but since he refused to leave unless it was to get Oliver it’s not that shocking.

He picks up your shampoo and begins massaging it into your hair. You sigh at the contact having forgotten his delicate touch eyes sliding down his body following the water dripping down his hard chest. You tilt your head, following the trail of water down the ‘V’ of his abs, onto his member.

“Hey” he says tilting your head up, directing your gaze to his dark brown eyes “gonna get shampoo in your eyes. Besides my eyes are up here” he jokes rubbing conditioner into your hair.

“Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black” you mumble with a mischievous grin on your face. Fred doesn’t respond busy rinsing the body wash from your body, but you can tell by his smirk he heard you. When he is done he reaches around you to turn the shower off, you place a quick kiss on his cheek your hand gripping his hips. He turns his head to look at you and smiles and kisses you on the lips; you taste the water that has pooled on his upper lip.

“You need to shave babe” you whisper, his hair tickling your upper lip.

“Been a little busy” he replies stepping away. He grabs a towel from the counter; rubbing it over his arms before wrapping it around his waist. He tucks it into itself, hanging low on his hips under the crease of his muscles. Next he grabs a towel gently wiping down your body before wrapping it around you. The soft fabric feels amazing against your skin having spent the past 8 days with cheap hospital bedding and towels.

“Well you have time now babe” you say as he brings another towel to your hair; dabbing the ends of it.

“We’ll see, kinda like it” he grins trying to wrap it around your head but it unravels in his hands a few times. He loudly groans attempting to redo it but it falls onto the floor landing in a pool of water.

“It’s fine, don’t worry I’m just going to nap soon anyways” you laugh knowing he won’t be able to get it to stay on its own. “I mean as long as you’re fine looking at my hair when it dries crazy.”

Fred rolls his eyes at you “dealt with your bad breath the first couple days I can deal with your wild hair” he says picking it.

“You said it wasn’t that bad” you yell.

“I lied” he responds your eyes going wide. “If I didn’t you would have tried to get up to the bathroom and you were supposed to rest.” The edges of his lips curl upwards slightly “it wasn’t that bad (Y/N).

“You’re lying” you say in a firm voice pretending to be mad your lip curling into a pout. Fred leans forwarding prying the pout from your face with his delicate kiss.

“But back to your facial hair” you smile and Fred just shakes his head helping you to the bedroom. He leaves you on the bed; you notice the duvet is crinkled having been quickly thrown on the bed. All but one pillow remain on the bed, the rest scattered on the floor. Not that that surprises you, Fred hates the pillows you have on the bed, saying the 10 décor pillows are excessive and unnecessary.

You sit on the bed goosebumps developing on your skin. Water dripping from your hair down your body sending a chill through your body. Fred walks in from the closet having exchanged his towel for grey sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. He has yet to brush his hair, damp red hair splayed across his forehead water droplets glistening in the lights.

He hands a pair of your grey track pants and one of his hoodies in his hands. He helps you get dressed, pulling the corner of the duvet back but you shake your head.

“Downstairs” you whisper knowing Oliver will be home soon and you want to spend as much time with him as possible.

Sometime later you are awoken by the sound of the front door closing. Oliver’s excited chatter echoing down the hall, and Fred trying to keep him quiet.

“She’s sleeping so we have to be quiet” you hear Fred say softly followed by a saddened “oh” from your son.

You don’t know how long you have been sleeping for but your body is starting to ache. You are lying on the couch in your living room; Fred brought your pillow down for you and placed a blanket over you while you slept. You sit up resting on your elbows and turning slightly to look down the hall waiting for him. You hear Oliver’s soft footsteps while he walks down the hall, his face lights up when he sees you are waiting for him.

“Mommy” he exclaims taking off running towards you.

“Hey Oliver” you laugh as he jumps on the couch wrapping his arms around your neck.

“Hi mommy” he says hugging you back. Fred walks in setting Oliver’s bag down in the room. Your eyes follow him while he grabs some drinks for everyone while you hold Oliver tight to your chest. You wipe away a few tears once Oliver finally pulls away “why are you crying mommy?” he asks concerned.

“Oh I’m just so happy” you respond pulling him back towards you. You kiss his head “I am so happy that I’m home and that your home with me.”

“I missed you” he sings pulling away when he feels the weight of the couch shift. Fred sits beside you pulling Oliver onto his lap handing you a drink and some pills.

“Want to watch a movie?” he asks him and Oliver nods in response

“What movie” he asks kissing his forehead. “Toy Story” Oliver responds causing you to smile.

Fred adjusts the pillow resting it against his thigh turning on the TV. You lay your head back on the pillow, placing a hand on his thigh. Fred gently runs his hands through your still slightly damp hair. His soothing actions and the pain pills you are on cause you to drift off partway through the movie begins.

“He’s asleep finally” Fred says crawling into bed later in the evening.  “He wanted to stay with you, took a little convincing and 3 more stories.”

You laugh looking at him “sounds about right.” If you’re weren’t so sore you would have objected to Oliver sleeping in his bed, but you know you just need a couple nights rest without a squirmy toddler beside you.

“He missed you a lot” Fred whispers pushing some hair behind your ear, your hand lightly resting on his hard chest.

“I missed him too” you smile “and you, come closer” you say. Fred shakes his head at you causing a frown to develop on your face “I don’t want to hurt you” he says placing his hand on your forearm.

“You won’t, I promise” you respond lifting the duvet up for him. Fred hesitates his thumb gently rubbing your chin “how is this different than you lying beside me in that tiny hospital bed?”

“I never slept in that bed, I lied beside you but always moved to the cot to sleep. I knew I couldn’t hurt you if I was awake. When we sleep we move around and I just….I don’t...”

“Okay babe” you whisper running your hand across his chest. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t disappointed, it has been weeks since you have slept in the same bed as Fred. You have been yearning to wrap yourself in his arm, your head resting on his chest being lulled to sleep by the rise and fall of his chest. But after everything you understand his reluctance and shoot him a soft reassuring smile.

Fred grips your wrist bringing it to his lips for a kiss. He stares at the bare skin mumbling something before getting out of bed. He walks over to the hospital bag tearing everything out of it; you rise up to rest on your forearm watching him having no idea what he is looking for. Not that you mind, he is only wearing a pair of tight boxers that show off his sculpted glutes and thighs while he bends over. So you would be content watching him for a while.

He finally finds what he is looking for and walks back over to you. He takes your wrist wrapping the white gold bracelet around it and fastening the clasp. “The hospital had to take it off” he explains while you smile at him “but you look like your missing something without.”

“I felt like I was missing something” you respond eyes getting heavy.

--

“Babe you need to go back to hockey” you say to him. Fred hasn’t played a game since the accident; he has been reluctant to leave your side unless it’s to go to the hospital to see the twins or the store.

“Your parents are here, my grandparents are nearby. The twins are getting better, and stronger. Your team needs you” you say hands resting on his hips. His parents arrived a couple days ago and have been helping with everything while you recover.

You thought once they arrived Fred would get back into hockey knowing both you and Oliver would be in good hands during his absence, but that hasn’t been the case. Fred ended up going to a couple practices but still hasn’t given them a timeline for his return despite your encouragement. The Penguins are down 0-3, game four being tonight in Pittsburgh, they told him if he feels ready he can start game 4; thinking the change in net could help spark the team.

“My family needs me. You are more important” he responds looking over the stove spatula in his hand.

“I am doing better; I’m moving around, no longer on my pain meds. I am fine. The twins are fine, the doctors are happy with their progress. Your mom will make sure everything is fine” you say turning your head to the island where your son is colouring. “Do it for Ollie.”

“Do what for me?” you hear Oliver peak up at his name.

“Go play hockey tonight” you respond to him.

“Yay daddy!” he cheers running to Fred who scoops him up laughing.

“You should go Frederik; you know I raised four kids. Some people might say I know what I’m doing” Charlotte says from the couch.

He shoots you a glance and shakes his head groaning “we’ll see.”

A few hours later you are on the couch with Oliver, his parents downstairs watching a movie. Fred walks into the living room in in his navy pinstripe three piece suit, his hair has been lightly styled, but you can still see the waves from his curls. He has on a crisp white dress shirt with a red tie tucked behind the vest. He is adjusting the sleeve of his jacket, doing up the button when he looks up to see you staring at him with a grin across your face.

“Can’t look at me like that babe, not for at least 5 more weeks” he jokes kissing you softly.

“Then you can’t look this good” you mumble against his lips, feeling yourself instinctively get wet by his presence.

“You told me to go to hockey, you made me look this good” he says kissing you again.

“Bye daddy, have fun at hockey!” Oliver says wrapping himself around Fred’s legs. “I ordered you guy’s dinner, it will be here at 5:30” he says kissing you on the forehead. After dinner you and Oliver cuddle up on the couch watching the game.

Fred is having an amazing game, stopping every shot; completely in the zone. Oliver sits beside you and claps and cheers with every play Fred makes, you can see the pride radiating off of him. Charlotte laughs watching him “Fred used to be like that watching his dad play” she smiles turning back to the TV. Ernst asked Oliver if he wanted to go to the game, but he said he wanted to stay home with you resulting in the 4 of you watching in your living room.

You notice Oliver’s eyes getting heavy at the start of the 3rd period, you expect him to fall asleep, but you end up falling asleep first. You are awoken a little while later to Fred’s arms gently cradling you while he holds you against his chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep” you mumble against his chest.

“Are you serious? You’re supposed to be sleeping not up late watching hockey. Should be getting you in trouble for staying up so late, Oliver told me you made it part way through the third” he whispers placing you in the bed.

“He didn’t fall asleep?” you ask him.

“No, he was on the couch, reading to you while you slept. My mom tried to take him to bed and he said no I’m staying with mommy” you laugh at the strong willed nature of your toddler feeling the weight from duvet being pulled up your body. “Now go back asleep” he says placing a kiss on your lips before standing up to get changed.

“Wait” you mumble “how was the rest of the game?”

“We won 3-0” he says hanging his suit in his closet.

--

“Hey babe you’re up early” you hear Fred say through a raspy morning voice, wrapping his arms around you. You set your coffee on the counter and turn around in his arms you can see the bags that have developed under his eyes that are struggling to stay open. You bring your hands to cup his cheek running them through his beard bringing his face closer to yours. “I’m just so excited, I couldn’t sleep” you squeal kissing him.

Today after more than 5 weeks in the hospital the twins are coming home. It has been hard only getting a few hours with them every day, but today you finally get to bring them home. You thought that the best feeling was a week ago when you got to hold them for the first time but you were wrong. You know when you finally walk out the doors with them it will be the best thing ever. Fred’s arms wrap around your back and hold you tight to him “we can’t get them until 10, its 6:30” he laughs.

“I’m going to get ready!” you chirp, ignoring him and heading to shower.

A little while later you have done your hair and makeup when you are standing in your closet. You are in a pair of dark wash straight cut jeans and a bra trying to decide on a shirt. You look at yourself in the mirror, seeing the scar from you C-section, and some of the weight you haven’t lost from the pregnancy. You scowl running your hand over the stretch marks on your stomach.

“You look amazing elskede” you hear Fred say and you turn around and see him leaning against the door frame. You don’t know how long he has been standing there, but he knows exactly what you have been thinking the entire time. He walks over to you and puts his hands on your sides “I love you, and I think you look absolutely stunning.”

You roll your eyes slightly and shake your head at him “lose the weight, don’t lose it, gain more. I don’t care. I’m not with you for your looks just like you’re not with me for mine.”

“Eh” you joke shrugging causing Fred to laugh “I mean this” you point up and down his body “it’s very nice.”

You can practically hear his eyes roll in his head “just wait until I retire, dad bod all the way.”

You stand on your tippy toes and kiss him while laughing, arms wrapping around his neck. His hands slide to the small of your back, his pinky hooking through your belt loop while his mouth opens more for yours. You taste the coffee on his breath as his tongue slides in your mouth. You rock your hips up against him and he groans pulling his hips back “babe you can’t, doctor’s orders.”

“For me” you whisper in his ear “not you.” You bring a hand down and begin to palm over his jeans when he grips your wrist and pulls it off him. A pout comes across your face he quickly kisses it away “it’s almost 8:30, breakfast is ready. Come eat so we can bring our boys home.”

He gives you a playful tap on the ass before leaving the closet. His teasing sends shockwaves immediately to your core; you huff in disapproval mumbling under your breath before pulling on a white tank top with a light pink jacket.

“You ready to go babe?” you ask Fred who is sitting on the couch. He stands up and comes over to you “mommy I come too?” Oliver asks getting up from his toys.

“No buddy, you have to stay here with Christie” you say to him.

You see his eyes well up, bottom lip quivering, he has been having a rough couple days since Charlotte and Ernst left. They stuck around for a couple weeks after the series ended in a game 7 loss. Fred stepped in with a shutout in game 4 and helped them win 5 and 6 but game 7 went to the Leafs in an overtime loss.

They were hoping the twins would be discharged and they could have some time with them, but unfortunately they still had to stay in the NICU for a couple more weeks. The NICU tries to limit the number of visitors which resulted in them only seeing the twins twice during their trip, which is also why Oliver hasn’t spent much time with them. That and hospitals aren’t the most exciting place for two year olds.

Your eyes shoot up to Fred and you sigh, Fred crouching down beside you. “When we come home we will have dinner and play a game okay bud” he says rubbing his hand up Oliver’s arm. You watch him sniffle his tears back and turn around walking away from both of you.

“He will be fine babe” Fred says pulling you up to your feet. “The boys will be home soon and all three boys will be home causing mayhem” he says which earns a light chuckle from you. “Toys and books everywhere, food stuck under the couch cushions. Mini stick games in the basement, wrestling matches” he continues.

“That sounds amazing” you say laughing “I can’t wait for that crazy life with you.”

“I can’t believe they are coming home” you hum walking into the NICU picking up Noah from the incubator. You look to Fred and see him sitting in a rocking chair holding Lucas with no shirt on.

“Where is your shirt?” you ask eyes going wide. Your five pound son looks incredibly tiny pressed up against his 230 pound body, but perfect at the same time.

“Skin to skin contact is good for babies in the NICU, but it also helps them to bond with their dads, the smell or something” he explains smiling at you. “Where’d you go babe?” he says softly returning his attention to Lucas.

“I told you last week I had an appointment today” you explain wiping some spit from the corner of your son’s mouth. You walk over to the couch beside Fred and sit down eyes locked on your son.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“Yeah just a check up on things since the accident” you respond the edges of your lips curling upwards. “Everything is fine” you coo in your baby voice. You bring Noah’s forehead up to yours and place a soft kiss on him.

Fred’s gaze bounces between you and Lucas for a few minutes before leaning in to press a soft kiss on your lips “this is amazing” he whispers when he pulls back Lucas cooing lightly in your arms.

“I know I can’t believe they can come home today” you say putting your head on his shoulder.

A half hour later you have swapped babies, when Lucas starts to fuss in your arms “I think he’s hungry” you say.

You had been pumping milk for the boys and bringing it with you, but hadn’t brought any with you today. Dr. Lang was supposed to discharge them over an hour ago but was called away for an emergency so you are patiently waiting his return for all of you to leave.

“You can try feeding” the nurse says to you from across the room. “It might take a bit to get them used to it, but they will catch on.”

After a little bit of a struggle and some help with a lactation specialist, he finally latches on. The familiar feeling of him feeding, the feeling you had begun to hate near the end with Oliver because of the pain is the greatest thing you have ever felt. Tears fall from your eyes as he eats; Fred stares at you for a minute placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I feel so complete” you say looking into Fred’s dark brown eyes. He smiles looking into yours, a genuine smile one you haven’t seen on his face in a while; since you woke up from the accident.

A few minutes later their doctor comes to complete the final check before releasing them. He takes Lucas from you and completes the exam and giving him the green light before handing him back to you. You buckle him into his car seat, and turn your attention to the exam on Noah. You walk up beside Fred, and he gently places a hand on your back pulling you in close while you listen.

You immediately smell Fred’s cologne which captures your attention. You look at him and see him in a tight grey t-shirt with a pair of dark washed jeans. He has a navy blue ball cap resting a top his slightly untidy hair from when he pulled the shirt over his head. It has been getting harder over the past few weeks, to keep your hands off of him. You hadn’t been together for over a month before the accident, long before your argument. So it likely has been 10 to 12 weeks since you last slept together making everything he does buckle your knees.

If that wasn’t reason enough the pool is open and he has spent a big portion of his time in the water with Oliver. Wet sun-kissed topless Freddie has always been a soft spot for you, Freddie interacting with Oliver another soft spot; combining those things and your knees almost always giving out every time. Lying next to him at night, his hand resting gently on your waist, his hand running through your hair, him just being beside you in bed has been torture not being able to act on it.

After Noah’s exam Fred takes him to put him into the car seat the hospital staff leaving you. You walk over and stand by Fred when he buckles up the straps “this is it” you say excitedly looking at Noah “ready to go home!”

You feel Fred grab your hand, you turn to look at him and see him on one knee. You stare down into his brown eyes that look back at you full of love and adoration “we got to get going babe” you say turning back to Noah.

“(Y/N)” he says softly pulling your hand back turning you towards him squeezing your hand. “You are the most amazing woman in the world. You have brought me the three most beautiful boys and I can’t imagine going through any of this without you. I wouldn’t have made it through these last 6 weeks without you, you are my rock, always have been. Over three years ago I went out for one drink, I ended up with a lot more than I bargained for.” You laugh lightly at that, tears filling your eyes. Fred brings a hand up to the corner of his eye wiping away his tears chuckling lightly at himself. His hands reach out grasping your left hand in his before continuing “you came into my life so unexpectedly but I wouldn’t change anything. I love you and I can’t imagine doing any of this without you” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small blue jewelry box opening it and your jaw practically hits the floor.

“(Y/N) will you marry me?”

“YES! Oh my god yes Fred, of course” he slides the ring on your finger and stands up pulling you into a deep passionate kiss. Your hands slide through his beard his resting on the small of your back. You moan into the kiss your hands sliding up his face pushing his hat off his head. You hear it hit the floor, his hand dropping lower to your ass. You’re on your tippy toes tongue swirling around his mouth, arms wrapping around his neck “oh sorry” you hear someone say causing you to pull apart; a nurse having walked in to check on a baby in the NICU.

You’re eyes go wide and you turn your back hiding your embarrassment against Fred’s chest. “Sorry about that” he responds clearing his throat, a hand gently touching yours.

“No it’s okay” she responds you can hear how flustered she is without even seeing her face “I was just getting something.”

“We were leaving anyways” Fred explains pulling back from you. He looks down at you, embarrassment plastered on your face. He smirks at you, you hiding your face in your hands. You hear her footsteps descend out of the room; Fred’s hands pull your arms down and you into his chest.

You look up at him a large grin plastered on his face but embarrassment still showing on yours “sorry” he says brushing your hair behind your shoulders. “I was going to wait until we all got home, but I just couldn’t wait.”

You run your fingers over his forearms “babe are you apologizing for proposing?” you ask staring into his golden brown eyes.

“No, but I am sorry for doing it in the NICU” he laughs. “I had a plan, a more private plan. Dinner, candles, music, the sunset. Ugh it was such a good plan” he groans.

You smile chuckling at him “babe none of that stuff matters. I don’t care how you propose just that you did.” You wrap your arms around his neck pulling his face closer to yours “we’re getting married” you squeal.

“Mhm Mrs. Andersen” he mumbles a hand returning to your back bringing you closer to him but before he can do anything Noah begins to cry in the car seat. Fred chuckles and places a quick kiss on your cheek “forgot babies have a radar for when you touch their mom” he groans. You pull apart laughing and Fred turns to pick up both their carriers with ease. He walks out of the room first you trailing behind, you feel yourself getting wet watching him from behind. You see the veins of his biceps, his back and shoulder muscles barely straining with the weight. The fabric clinging to his torso being stretched around his flexing muscles makes your panties immediately dampen, you bite your bottom lip to prevent yourself from moaning for everyone to hear.

A little while later you open the door and Oliver comes running to greet you “my brothers” he says as Fred sets the carriers down. Fred pulls him into his arm for a hug “yeah, they are home now. This one is Lucas and this one…”

“Is Noah” Oliver claims. “When can I play hockey with them?” he asks earning a laugh from both of you. “In a little bit, they need to get a little bit bigger, a little stronger” Fred responds.

“Right now they will be just doing a lot of eating and sleeping so they can grow. But soon they will be big enough to play with you” you say hugging him. Oliver wanders off unimpressed with that answer, all he has been talking about is playing hockey with them for months. You chuckle slightly shaking your head while you and Fred take the twins to sleep in their bassinets.

“You like your ring babe?” Fred asks when you sit beside him on the couch.

“Honestly I haven’t really looked at it” you say laughing. “It was such an amazing day, but this ring could be plastic I wouldn’t care.”

“Better not be plastic for what I paid for it” he laughs.

“I just mean, this isn’t about the ring, it’s about what it represents” you say kissing him. You sit up on your knees running your hand through his beard “it represents us; our family, our crazy love story and I honestly couldn’t care what it looks like or where you got it.”

You bring your lips to his for a soft kiss “but now that you brought it up” you giggle pulling away.

You bring your left hand closer to your face examining the beautiful engagement ring sparkling on your finger. There is one large oval cut centre stone that shines in the light, and is surrounded by multiple smaller halo diamonds. There is some of the smaller diamonds going down the platinum band.

“This ring is so beautiful” you kiss him again.

“You deserve it babe” he says kissing you back and pulling you into his lap. He brings your fingers up to his and slides the ring off you. Confusion washes over your face and he brings up the band “see that” he says showing you the engraving on the inside of the band. You pick the ring from his hand reading the tiny cursive on the inside.

Du var ventetiden værd 12-02-2021

“You were worth the wait” he whispers and you feel tears prick the corner of your eyes.

“Fred” you whisper as he slides it back onto your finger. Your eyes look up to meet his gaze your fingers becoming intertwined with his. “It’s too much babe, like way too much” you say not even wanting to know the price tag that comes along with it.

“Nonsense elskede, nothing is ever enough for you” he kisses you again in a deep passionate kiss. “You do so much for me; I would give you the world if I could.” The smile plastered on Fred’s face has yet to dissipate since you were at the hospital becomes engulfed in your lips. You bring him in for a deep passionate kiss his hand sliding to your side; “yuck daddy” you hear Oliver chirp from his toys. You both pull apart and start laughing with your foreheads still touching.

“Daddy gave mommy her pretty ring” Fred says to Oliver.

“It’s so pretty mommy” he responds building with his blocks. You turn to Fred eyes narrowed slightly “you took him to see the ring?” you ask knowing he doesn’t have the best track record with secrets.

“Yeah you were sleeping and I had an appointment at the jewelers to pick out the setting so I had to bring him. When we came home you were still asleep so I think that helped him not being able to tell you right away. But he said it was the prettiest ring ever” you smile at that, having to agree with your toddler.

Later that night you crawl into bed having just got the twins down, Fred joins you soon after having put Oliver to sleep. You slide up beside him in the crook of his arm, him pulling you against his chest. His hand gently strokes over your back rubbing soft circles. You sigh at the contact, softly running you your finger up and down his stomach. You both lie there in a state of silent bliss for the first time in months, your family finally complete.

Your finger slides low, feeling the hairs resting just above his pelvis. You lay your hand flat, palm sliding across his lower abs, “(Y/N)” he groans a sharp exhale exiting his mouth.

Your head tilts up to look at him, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. “What” you ask innocently batting your lashes.

He shifts a bit under you; bringing his hand to grip your wrist “behave” he grunts.

“Why?” you ask coyly rolling more onto your stomach. You free your hand and begin to palm over him through his boxers again.

“We can’t” he says while your lip attaches to his neck sucking softly. A moan leaves his lips, your leg hooks over his “who says” you whisper nipping his ear. You straddle him, lips peppering his neck and collar bone. You roll your hips feeling his semi-hard member for the first time in over 3 months.

“(Y/N)” he groans shifting under you trying to free himself but it only encourages you, sucking harder on his neck. He carefully flips you onto your back “you have to stop. It’s not fair to start something you can’t finish.”

A grin crosses your face “well good thing the doctor cleared me to finish this.”

“Oh yeah” he smirks arms resting on either side of your head. His hands tangle into your hair lips hovering an inch from yours. You bite your bottom lip nodding up at the large Dane above you. Fred brings his lips down to yours locking you in a kiss. It is a heated kiss full of passion and hunger, both of you yearning for this long forgotten touch.

His lips gently attach to the sweet spot below your ear; you tilt your neck allowing him more access a soft moan leaving your lips. His hand slides under your tank top, finding your perk nipple; he gently massages it while your back arches off the bed.

He gently spreads your legs with his thighs and brings a hand up the inside of your thigh to your slit. He runs it over you feeling some juices that have collected “fuck baby” he mumbles “your soaked.”

“Have been for weeks” you moan feeling his digits dance around your entrance. His thumb begins to softly graze over your swollen bud. You feel his two fingers gently open your folds waiting to sink in. He drops his head onto your shoulder and huffs in disappointment.

“What is it Fred?” you whisper sensing his hesitation.

“I don’t want…what if I hurt you” he asks softly.

“We went through this after I gave birth to Ollie, and you didn’t hurt me then” you explain bringing your hand up into his hair gently running it through.

“Yeah but last time you weren’t in a car accident that almost killed you” he says to your chest head buried between your breasts. “It’s different than last time” he whispers pulling his head up resting on his forearms.

You cup his face gently running your hand through his beard “babe I love you and how much you worry. But I am fine; the doctor said so. I promise you I am fine” you draw his lips down to yours kissing him softly.

Fred’s eyes shift over your face while he processes your words. “If you want to wait then we will wait, but whether we have sex tonight, a week from now or a month from now these worries won’t go away. They won’t go away until we have sex and you see it’s true. But my preference is to have sex with my incredibly sexy fiancé tonight” you pop the word fiancé, it being the first time the word has fallen from your lips.

“Fiancé” he hums “I like that” a large grin plastered on his face.

You raise your eyebrows at him a sideways grin on your face feeling him shift above you. “Well get used to it fiancé” you grin. His mouth re-attaches to your neck gently nipping the skin causing whimpers to slip from your lips.

“What about birth control babe? We haven’t needed condoms in a while” he murmurs against you skin gently biting your neck.

You gasp brining your hands to his broad shoulders the warm feeling of his breath drawing you closer. He sucks on your sweet spot your nails digging in slightly to his skin. “Well” you moan “I didn’t get any today but the doctor said breastfeeding is effective at preventing pregnancy” you trail off feeling him massaging your sensitive breast softly. Your eyes roll slightly into the back of your head his mouth trailing lower down your chest where the shirt allows.

“And I’m going to make an appointment for an IUD soon and then no more babies” you say between your moans. He bites your tank top and pulls the fabric lower with his teeth exposing your breast. His mouth attaches to the freshly exposed skin “but until then we should wait no?” he mumbles.

“We can wait until I get an IUD which I don’t even have an appointment for, or you can run to the store and buy some condoms” you groan tilting your neck while his teeth gently graze over your nipple. “But the doctor said breast feeding is 99% effective for six months or something.” “That’s pretty good” he mumbles pulling your shirt over your head reattaching his mouth to your breasts.

“Yeah and I’ll get an IUD before then” you groan hands sliding down his back. “Babe their sensitive” you groan while he sucks on your breasts.

“They are also larger than normal” he smiles popping his head up to look at you.

“Both the result of breast feeding” you respond laughing at him. You feel his hard member pressing into your stomach through his boxers.

Your hand slides further down his firm back feeling the curve of his muscles while he exhales above you. Your hands reach the elastic of his boxers; they slip under the band and begin to pull the fabric down his ass. You gently grip it and squeeze, pulling him toward you earning a chuckle from him.

He pulls your shorts down your legs and you feel his hard member pressing at your entrance “you sure” he asks one final time. You nod and feel him slowly slip in your walls causing you to take a deep breath in.

He stops only partially in watching your face scrunch up, slowly exhaling “it’s okay” you whisper. He pulls out almost all the way and slides back in at a painfully slow pace, again not using his full length. He does this a few more times allowing you time to stretch and familiarize yourself with him.

Your hands grip the hair on the back of his neck while he continues his slow pace. You arch your back and roll your hips trying to bring him deeper but he pulls back still not bottoming out in you. He rocks his hips in and out a few more times, you bend your knee and his large calloused hand runs up and down the back of your thigh slowly keeping his gentle rhythm inside you.

“Babe” you groan putting your hands onto his shoulder pushing his body away from you causing him to pull out. Fear washes over his face thinking something is wrong. “I’m not going to break” you push him onto his back straddling him.

You grip his member and line yourself up slowly drop down on him, taking him in. You feel your walls fully take him in; you stare at the man below you for a second allowing a smile to cross your face. You rise up drop down on him, Fred allowing you to set the pace, his hands gently holding your hips. Your hand drops onto his lower abs your head falling backward while you continue slowly rising on him.

Soft moans begin to leave your lips, your lashes graze your cheeks. His thumb presses into the sides of your hips a grin crossing his face as he relaxes watching you. You hand slides up his chest, your hair falling in front of your face while you slowly increase the pace. Fred brings a hand around his thumb resting against your hungry bud.

He locks eyes with you and you nod; his thumb pressing soft circles bucking his hips up into you. Your hand slides across his chest slick with sweat to his shoulder; digging into him. You fall forward Fred catches you while he sits up in the bed bringing his mouth to your swollen breast. His other hand trails up your spine lightly grazing your skin leaving goosebumps in its wake. You shudder against his touch while his hand makes it way to your hair tangling into it.

You feel your high approaching, the familiar burn building in the pit of your stomach. Fred flattens his tongue licking around your nipple; your arms wrap around his neck running your nails against his scalp.

“Close baby?” he mumbles sucking on your neck.

You bite your bottom lip deep moans leave you as you are unable to respond, though you know Fred knew the answer before even asking the question. After 3 and a half years Fred knows your body almost better than you do, and he noticed your telltale signs as soon they started.

Whimpering at the sensation overcoming your body, you draw him closer; pulling your body against his. He bites your shoulder and you cry out head falling backward. He uses this as an opportunity to nip the exposed flesh along your collarbone.

Fred’s hips continue to lift from the bed, him now taking over the pace. You feel him stutter getting close to his high. His thumb presses firmer into your swollen bud as you feel your walls starting to flutter around him.

“Cum for me (Y/N)” he strains.

A few more thrusts and you feel the coil in your stomach snap, you clench pulling him deep inside of you. Fred grunts before twitching inside of you, and you are flooded with his familiar warmth. He shoots wave after wave of cum into your pussy while you moan into his shoulder. After a few thrusts Fred stills under you allowing you both to capture your breaths.  

“You okay babe?” he asks tilting your head to look into your eyes. You nod a few soft whimpers leaving your lips in response. You sit there in bliss Fred brushing the hair off your forehead. After a deep breath the edges of your lips curl up into a smile “perfect” you finally whisper in response.

His fingers gently run over the curves of your body settling on your waist. He slowly lifts you up slipping out of you, a mixture of juices spilling down your thigh while he sets you beside him. You go to lie down but Fred quickly picks you up, pulling you against his sweaty bare chest. He brings you into the shower, sitting you on the bench, the cool marble sending a chill through your body.

Fred turns on the water and looks at you, goosebumps covering your body teeth clattering. He runs his hand under the stream turning his attention to you laughing at the sight “it’s not cold, you’re so dramatic” he laughs. He reaches out wrapping his large hand around your wrist pulling you against his hard chest.

“You love it” you chuckle arms wrapping around his waist guiding him backwards to the stream.

“Mhm” he hums spinning you into the water “I sure do fiancé.”

Next Chapter

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Final Four!: The Lost Cargo of Kit Cloudkicker!

Hello You Happy People. SPIN IT! OHOHOHOHOHOHO LETS’ BEGIN IT!

After 10,000 years we’re finally at the motherducking Talespin episode! And only 8000 of those years were the last 14 months as Ducktales 2017 has been working toward this for a while with Cape Suzette being prominently mentioned in both the first episode and the season 1 finale, and Don Karnage being a regular part of the rouges gallery, voiced by the wonderous Jamie Camil. So this episode was less a matter of “If”, since Don’s presence meant Disney wasn’t really against it happening, and more a matter of “When and How.” The how, to a point was settled at the big NYCC panel for Ducktales that revealed Daisy and Goofy... as it also revealed aged up versions of Kit and Molly, meaning a proper tailspin episode was on the way.  I could not have been more pumped. While I didn’t remember the cartoon well, i’d always loved Talespin since I was a kid and as an adult my curosity only grew. Still need to watch way more of it mind you, I really have slept on most of the Disney Plus Libarary and that’s dumb of me, but what i’ve seen is impressive. The story of an irresponsible bear forced to work with a buisnesswoman bear after she buys his seaplane, his loveable kid sidekick and said buisness bear’s daughter whose cute as a button but suprisingly tolerable for a little kid character. Opposing them were masterful buisnessman Shere Kahn, who sadly does not show up here and could be friend , foe or neutral depending on the episode, and Don Karnage, a kooky sky pirate who as mentioned is already in this series and was Balloo’s arch enemy. The series was colorful, creative, had a great premise and cast and in general was just awesome and out of the Disney Afternoon shows is honestly my faviorite, though Darkwing is getting close. I even recently finally got the Shere Kahn funko, which is starring into my soul as I type this review! Hurrah! 

So I waited impatiently like I did for Daisy and Goofy, both also things I’d wanted in the series since the start. Thing was.. Goofy showed up in the second episode of the season, that was part of the premiere, and while the wait for Daisy was agonizing, she still showed up pretty early into the season at episode five. Gosalyn showed up at episode 12. This is episode  20.  

I do get it: This season was built to be the last just in case.. and ended up being the last so good job there. There was a LOT to wrap up in one season and on top of that they had a double and TRIPLE length episode taking up 5 episodes of the season, AND two holiday episodes. So that gave them only 18 normal episodes they had to place very carefully. So likely, given that they had some episodes important to the finale that couldn’t wait for the last minute in “The First Adventure” and “The Battle for Castle McDuck!”, as I highly doubt pepper was given such  a build up to not be important in the finale, still think she’s webby’s mom, we’ll see soon enough. And New Gods on the Block, while not as important was probably not swapped with this one because they wanted a lighter episode after three plot important episodes in a row, two of which are fairly intense and had lasting consequences and one of which, while a bit of a breather, was still indulging in the new FOWL status quo. This one ended up crammed into the last block.. because they likely really wanted to do this one, wanted it to tie into FOWL... and had nowhere else to put it, with Life and Crimes likely serving as one last break from FOWL, if it doesn’t end up tying into it, before the finale movie. Doesn’t make waiting forever for it any less grating, but hey it’s finally here. So how was it? Was it worth the hype? And how do the Wuzzles factor into this? Join me under the cut and spin it with me to find out and count down to 3!

So we open with an adult Kid Cloudkicker at work, voiced by Adam Pally!

If you haven’t heard of him, and one of my Patreons had not, he was on Happy Endings and the Mindy Project, and has a very distinct voice and is very funny, so it was a pleasant surprise to have him pop up here as Kit and given aforementioned roles were messes in some way shape or form, especially Max from happy endings whose essentially Oscar the Grouch, just as gay only not living in a trash can. Though if he had to he would. 

Since he was a kid KIt’s picked up the old family business, and is now running hire for hire.. and has also picked up his Dad’s old enemies as Don Karnage chases after Kit, his second greatest nemesis, who freely mocks him. It’s a lovely sequence but shows Kit isn’t the best pilot, and his fancy flying, while beating Don, also opens both crates, freeing the livestock he’s carrying.. and the other cargo, a mysterious stone that was in a F.O.W.L. crate that merges the chicken with  a goat, and scares kit, and he ends up causing his cargo to drop out of the plane.  Cue titles. 

Back with our heroes for this series, Della is recroding Dewey as he flies solo the first time!

That is so precious. Huey is along for the ride and is taking having his reckless brother with the attention span of a coked up ferret at the helm exactly how you’d expect. 

Of course his helmet says safety boy and of course he has a helmet on over his hat. Awww. Dewey, while good at it, he’s a 12 year old flying a rather sizeable plane with no difficulty that’s  pretty impressive.. he’s also Dewey so just flying a plane normally isn’t enough and he wants to Dewey it instead and do all the fancy stuff. He wants to be special as is usual for him, not realizing this is how you get to being good as his mom or Launchpad. And he’s 12 so that makes sense just on the basic level.. but it also makes sense on a comparison level: Dewey’s done a LOT of impressive stuff over the course of the series: rattling it off because why not, and this is just things he acomplished himself: he found the Lost Jewel of Atlantis (Getting it home was still a team effort but he is the one who identified it), is a golf pro better than his uncle whose played the game for centuries at this point,   defeated Don Karnage in a sword fight with little to no sword training, was crucial in beating Magica during the Shadow War, travled through time, by accident or not, consulted on a major motion picture, defeated a Gandra, even if she was going easy on him, BLIND, and biggest of all defeated the World Serpent Jormunngandr, by himself, a GOD that’s fought Scrooge evenly for decades. AND FINISHED HIM WITH A PILEDRIVER. To reitirate this was ONLY the stuff he did himself. So I get why he’d think just flying a plane when his mom and best friend have done so much more with it is boring and that being a pilot when two people he looks up to are already one is just.. boring. I’ts not special or unique and given his family name is built on the two, I can see why he’d chafe under this. 

Della for her part isn’t doing things wrong entirely, she wants him to start with the basics, the fact he can DO those basics at such a young age with minimal training shows he has a true knack for it, and it takes experince to pull off death defying stunts. The First Adventure backs this up as while Della was so talented as a kid she could land a plane herself.. that was all she did. And it’s still incredibly impressive a ten year old landed a seaplane with no real world training or hours in a full on flight simulator. The issue that’s never really adressed is while she’s mostly doing it right she dosen’t get that despite his talent, Dewey just dosen’t find this INTRESTING or get how impressive he is, and that dressing it up a bit migh’tve helped. It’s an understandable mistake though, teaching someone something in any context is hard. It’s one of many, MANY reasons like currently horribly hazzarodus conditions, long hours, having to buy their own suplies at times, that teachers are badly underpayed. 

Before we get into why their headed to Cape Suzette at long last, there is one notiacble absence in this episode I can’t really ignore: Launchpad. While he has been absent in every episode since Let’s Get Dangerous, not counting “How Santa Stole Christmas!” as the two holiday episodes were made to fit in anywhere story wise and timeline and production wise take place before the rest of Season 3 , which takes place during Spring given both the March note on Boyd and Huey’s photos in Astro BOYD, and Forbidden Fountain taking place during spring break. At most it’s currently running into Summer. I put too much thought into this with someone i’ve lost contact with. 

My point, I had one trust me, is that Launchpad has just been gone for the second half of the season . And up till now it wasn’t necesarily a bad thing: He was a major part of Let’s Get Dangerous and wasn’t really needed for any of the episodes so far: The Manor side of things in ImpossiBin was purposfully intense and while he would’ve had some thoughts on Beakly’s actions, it just worked better with him gone and the only other adult in the house at the moment busy doing other stuff for their protection till the climax. Split Sword was kid focused, New Gods didn’t really involve him at all, though I am sad he and Storkules never met as far as I can tell, The First Adventure was a flashback, Fight for CastleMcDuck was about the family unit more, and Beaks in the Shell is the only one so far I think he could’ve been included in at all and again shoving him in would’ve just cluttered things up. Like a lot of character ballance issues of the series, there’s a good enough reason.. this is just the one exception in the last batch I think would’ve been improved by having him. He’s Dewey’s best friend, he’s been there for him, he would’ve been a good counterpoint as a teacher and it could’ve been intersting having both he and della have constrasting styles but valuable things to teach and I would’ve loved to see him interact with Kit. It also just feels really weird to be down a pilot in the episode about the franchise about a pilot. \

The fact Dewey ends up crashing while landing after Huey applauds him on his safe normal landing, which ticks him off because he dosen’t want to be normal, hammers in it in a bit as he missed his buddy’s first crash. I get leaving him out as Kit is just as irresponsible and the episodes just as much about Kit if not more so as it is about Dewey, so I understand it but it dosne’t make it feel like any less of a lost opportunity. 

As for why their in the cape at last, it’s unsuprsingly another missing mystery, the stone of what is which can combine two things, the stone seen in the intro. Kit loosing it turns out to be a good thing as it meant FOWL didn’t get it, and they can find it, and are in town to find him. They pass the hire for hire offices which have a ton of notices on the door, and Dewey is entranced by the idea of cloud kicking, aka sky surfing, aka that thing kit did in the original. We also get to see updated versions of Baloo, Kit and Molly. Sadly no Rebecca. Can’t win em all. 

Our trio find Kit whose asleep, clearly having no customers and trying to pass it off like he does. It turns out he knows Della, as they went to flight school together, though she only vaugely remembers him at best. She does remember Molly though, wouldn’t be suprised if that’s another ex of hers either, and wonders what happen to her.. and not just because htere’s always room in Della’s harem.  Kit dodges.. and it’s likely in large part because it’s clear to anyone looking despite his statments he’s kinda stalled as an adult. It’s very clear from his surroudings, him being a pilot for hire, and him eagerly taking Dewey on as a sidekick when Dewey shows intresting in Cloud Kicking, that he’s trying to be Baloo. This idea was, according to Frank, the brainchild of the episode’s director, and one of it’s writers and storyboarders, Tanner Johnson. Tanner pitched “What if Kit never outgrew his Baloo fanboying?”. 

It’s an intresting idea: while it is sad we don’t get to see the old boy at any point and I do wonder where he is now and what he’s up to in his retirment, probably just flying about free as a bird would be my guess given how he never liked working to begin with, I applaud them for doing something unique with the Tailspin cast that fits into the themes of the season rather than just have them show up. By making it Kit instead of Baloo cargoing them, it gives us more of an arc to work with character wise as Kit has become so obessed with becoming his dad, he never stopped to consider if he was even good at it or enjoyed it.

  Using Della is part of what makes this work as she too grew up with a larger than life mentor and adopted dad.. but unlike Kit, she grew up a bit and saw the flaws in her dad. His greed, his selfishness, his tendency to hog the glory, his ego.. she stopped putting him on a pedestal. She still loves him, still wants his respect and admiration to this day, but she gets he’s not perfect and not who she wants to be.  Kit clearly never got this message. He never grew out of putting Baloo on a pedsteal and wanting ot literally be him instead of his own man. So he ignored the many flaws in how Baloo lived: Baloo started Talespin having lost his plane because he was so obessed with freedom and doing what he wanted, he didn’t bother actually paying on it and chafed under actually doing work half the time. He’s talented, fun to be around and a hell of pilot bar none, he honestly outclasses Della, but he was entirely irresponsible. Kit’s found himself in the same position Baloo was in: living alone, having not a lot going on, and on the verge of loosing his plane. Not only that he’s worse off because Baloo at least, while lazy, had enough talent. Kit.. isn’t a good pilot as we’ve seen and will see again, and clearly not only dosen’t have a knack for it, but is only doing it because Baloo did. He’s so obsessed with being who he THINKS baloo would want him to be, he never stopped to think that the actual Baloo would just want him to be happy and has probably told him this, or was probably too proud of what Kit was doing to realize what he was doing to his life. 

But Della dosen’t have time to get him a therapist, they need to find that stone before FOWL, and Kit offers to take them.. if they hire him. Della scoffs at this and insults the Sea Duck

Yeah Della your fantastic.. but you do NOT insult the Sea Duck and your very, VERY lucky it’s not Baloo you were dealing with as he would’ve turned you down out of principal. The Sea Duck is fucking awesome, and a national treasure. Thankfully Kit instead points out the Sunchaser isn’t in a better place after Dewey Dewed what he dew, so they really don’t have a choice. 

Della does draw the line at letting Kit fly as she eventually realizes he’s not good at this, mostly letting Crowby his crowbar do all the work, and finds he has a map to where he dropped the stone, so he dosen’t even have that leg to stand on and throws him out of his own cockpit before he gets them all killed. Okay that time on her side. Kit takes this time to try and train Dewey on cloudkicking... but despite being encaustic at the idea of it the reality leaves Dewford scared shitless.. and doubles up on bad things as Don Karnage and his crew are closing in on the island. FOWL hired them to get it for them, though why FOWL didn’t do so themselves I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong i’m happy to have Jamie back and it really wouldn’t feel right ot have a Tailspin ep without Don Karnage, I just find it odd Bradford would hire outside contractors for this given he has a full staff and not at least send Heron or Steelbeak along to supervise.  Regardless, Don puts pleasure before buisness spotting Kit.. and fully commits after finding out Dewey is ALSO involved. I also find it hilarous DEWEY outranks Kit on Don Karnage’s enemy list. So naturally he goes after him, int he personal plane he used in the series which also showed up in the cold open, and with Dewey not having the skill to take Don on, Kit is forced ot step in. He also calls him “Little briches” which while another sign of how much he wants to be his own dad.. is still too awesome not to apricate. Don cuts the line but thanks to Kit’s fancy footwork, they make it out alive and wash up on an island. Della soon joins them, thanks kit for saving her kid then rightfully slaps him for putting him in danger in the first place. Dewey also has to stop her from punching him when he explains he had no idea the stone ended up on this island, which granted she is justified in but Dewey , of all people, rightly saw this means they don’t have to drag a  unconcious bear around who probably hasn’t showered in a while. I mean the smell will be there either way but there’s less chance of accidnetlly inhaling too much while he’s conconcious. They also find out what the Stone’s been doing: combining the wildlife leading to rhino monkey hybrid trying to murder them. So at the last minute Frank also squeezed in another disney aftenroon show but one tha’ts not streaming and most don’t care about: the wuzzles, a bunch of hybrids of various animals... Frank couldn’t do much with that as is and just decided to rightfully play it for horror. 

Our heroes find Don, whose found the stone.. and is simply throwing most of hi crew  at it rather than doing anything productive, with them turning into just.. utterly horrifying combinations. Hands for heads and everything, bug legs, a non-anthro parrot head. it’s pretty tough to watch and I question why the episode did this as Don’s crew did not deserve this and this episode is mostly lightearted before and after this. A tailspin tribute episode episode should not pair well with the song no spill blood.. seroiusly you paid for all I do is win, and rightfully but you couldn’t get this?

Regardless the kids and manchild are told to stay put while the slightly more functional womanchild takes care of Don. Dewey and Kit naturally don’t, which is fair: what did della expect, the sugared up rabbit in a small duck’s body and the incompitent but charming manchild she’s insulted repedadtly to listen? Naturally they both beef it as Dewey can’t board and while Kit does get Don’s plane, he ends up crashing it instead of doing anything productive. I mean even Launchpad would’ve at least got back to the seaduck.. he would’ve crashed into it but still. Look when you make Launchpad look compietnet you really need to rethink your life.  Della has bigger problems though as it turns out the thing they were on.. was a coocoon.. for a butterbear. Oh no. Thankfully this goes better than you’d expect as she’s able to ride the thing and it tangles up some rope, taking the stone of what was with it and Don takes off after it with what pirates he has left. 

Our remaining heros return to the Sea Duck. Dewey and Kit plan to do the same thing again and expect diffrent results but Huey.. has some words for them. 

He’s fed up with this and points out they need to swap jobs. Dewey CAN fly, and Kit really is good at cloudkicking, it’s in the name, and he needs to return to it. While Dewey balks again stating anyone can be a pilot.. Kit finally admits that’s not true and he’s just not good at it and Huey finally snaps them out o fthier neurosis, Kit a bit late but better late than never given the state of his life, and points out the episode’s aseop: YOU make something special just by doing what you like to do and are good at well. I’ts been hard making these reviews, but I feel i’m getting the hang at it and it’s what I was meant to do, I just had to find it. It’s not always easy to find your calling but when you got it, go for it instead of some version of you you think you should be.  So we get pured distilled awesome for the climax. Besides Della again riding a bear that’s also a butterfly, Kit, also a bear I did not miss that gag, proceeds to finally spin it and begin again it as he tears through them with Crowby and easily deispatches the planes finally earning Della’s respect and finally back in his element, using his newfound size and strength combined with his still inherent acrobatics to easily take them out and land on Carnage’s plane and beat him. 

So the day is saved: The stone lands on the plane and our heroes properly secure it. Della releases her bear fly but it’ll find it’s way home i’m sure... so majestic. Or it’ll eat all the world’s seagulls. Good news either way. 

Back at the bay Kit packs up the stone safetly and gives them the bill. Which Della grumbles at but whiel he didn’t fly he did save their asses.. after endagenring them but still and does have a buisness to run. Plus he has to save his plane. 

But it turns out someone’s already bought it. And you can probably guess who. 

No not you sweetie.. though he is an investor for the person who DID buy it: Molly, whose taken being danger woman from a 4 year old’s play time to her career running an air stunt show. This is the other thing that cemented the whole aged up versions of these guys working for me: HIstory Repeating itself. Once again an enterprising young woman with a lot of ideas has bought the seaduck from it’s incompitent owner and hires the former owner to work for her.  But things are warmer this time: Kit wasn’t happy doing what he was doing, and it’s clear unlike Rebecca, who just bought the first plane she could get and hired baloo because he was who she could afford, they became friends with time and patience if not more but that’s still vauge... Molly did this out of love. She knew Kit was struggling and probably has as many fond memories of the sea duck and baloo as he does and didn’t want someone else to get the old girl. Her air show seems to be going fine, she apparently has a full crew, fans and enough money to purchase another plane on a whim from the bank to expand the show.. she wanted her old plane back and her old brother back. And wheras again Rebecca offered Baloo the job because he wanted to keep his baby safe from some half assed pilot she could afford and she knew it and thus could manipulate him with that. Plus he worked cheap so there. Here Molly just admires her brothers skills and hires them on it and he’s frankly more comfortable being a sidekick than the main star anyway. 

He TRIES to brush it off but gladly accepts. God another possible spinoff.. please make this Disney.. and if not at least Reboot tailspin I miss it. Still it’s a very satisfying ending. But what of Don Karnage? Well he’s lost everything as a result of this, unable to get back to his carrier, his crew mostly gone, and FOWL sure to be gunning for him. This is seemingly the end for him.. until he finds a chunk of the stone. “Or the start of an encore”. Wether this was a setup for a possible part of season 4, a possible spinoff or is going to come back in the finale.. we’re just going to have to wait and see won’t we?

Final Thoughts: I really liked this one. It’s not the best of the season: Kit’s arc is kinda telegraphed and Dewey’s arc while intresting isn’t focused on enough to really be that engaging. But the ideas at the core are solid and fit into the series well, the idea to age up our kid heroes from Talespin was really clever and paid off and as usual Adam Pally is a delight and as I said at the top was pitch perfect casting. Couldn’t figure out who played molly and the credits cut out on me, so let mek now if you do but yeah I enjoyed this one> It wasn’t the series at it’s best but given the last two are liable to get pretty intense it was a nice breezy break. And it got me wanting to watch Talespin again and there’s nothing bad about that. 

NEXT WEEK: In our penultimate adventure, Ducktales reinacts that one episode of Batman the Animated Series where all of Batman’s foes put him on Trial, as Scrooge’s Rogues put him on trial with Doofus as prosecuter and Louie for the defense. Well at least it’s not Lionel Hutz. 

This Week: Lots of Ducks! The lena retrospective continues as we take a detour for some comix, and we begin the Della arc as we go back to the start. It’s finally time to talk about Woo-Ooo!. 

If any of this sounds appealing follow my blog for more. If you like these reviews head over to my patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, and become a patreon. At the 5 dollar level you get a review a month and even a dollar helps get to my stretch goals. I’m up to 15 a month so 20 is next and that means a darkwing duck review every month! And if you really like Talespin like I do, 25 nets you a tailspin review a month and a review of the pilot. Ohohohohohohoo. See you at the next rainbow. 

[yandere-daydreams]

*slams fists on table* /PLEASE/ more incubus. im not horny im intrigued

Aren’t we all? Here’s the first part, if anyone’s interest, but all you should really have to know is our incubus, Alastor, seems to have quite a few commitment issues, and the Reader-Insert isn’t really helping by doing things like ‘staying mentally stable’ and ‘not wanting to go to hell with him’.

TW: Mentions of Bodily Harm, Bondage, and Emotional Manipulation.

~

He was already watching when you opened your eye.

Alastor was a voyeur at the best of times, a witness to your misery who only took the occasional break to make his delight with your current state of captivity known. Sometimes he appeared when your dream was about to turn into a nightmare, and other times he didn’t, letting you stumble your way through a fight or fall or breakdown with no other option, no escape. More often the latter than the former, recently. You hadn’t seen him, really seen him, in a few weeks… or, what felt like weeks, at least. Time seemed more concrete than it had, at first. More uniform, as if he’d finally taken the care to measure it out.

As if you were starting to get used to being trapped in your own head.

You didn’t say anything when you saw him, your pain from your last ‘dream’ still lingering just underneath your skin. Alastor wasn’t smiling, simply sitting cross-legged on the bare concrete floor an arm’s length away, his gaze unfaltering and his lips pressed together so tightly, you wondered if someone finally sewed them shut. You tried not to pay him any mind, glancing around the darkened space instead. Warehouses were a familiar sight by now, open and empty, with no furniture or clutter to stop your short, shallow breaths from echoing off the walls. You were sitting on something - a chair, double your age and half as stable, the wood creaking as you tried to stand, only to be pulled back into it its seat. Leather belts wrapped around your wrists and ankles, keeping your arms behind the chair’s back and your legs bound to stiff, unrelenting beams, more sturdy than they’d seemed during your half-hearted investigation. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be surprised.

It was only a matter of time until Alastor saw fit to trap you physically, too.

You looked towards him, speaking through grit teeth. “Alright, whatever. I’ll bite.” You nodded towards the restraints, and the dark, obscured walls. They looked a little further than they had, last time, but changing scenery was the least of your concerns. “What’s the gimmick this time? Are you going to flood the building and watch me drown? Or, are we just going to sit here until I get bored enough to talk to you?”

He blinked, pausing before he spoke, a hand coming up to run through his hair. It was more disheveled, today, falling loose around his shoulders and curling at odd angles, a stark difference from his usual combed, collected disposition. You almost smirked, proud to see him so disheveled. To know you were the reason behind his frustration, however limited its effect seemed to be.  

“It’s hell,” He mumbled, more to himself than to you. “I mean, it’s not hell, I’ve been there, but this-” He waved towards you vaguely, and you did you best not to glare. “-is hell. I spent this long between meals since… since those witch trials, I think. Everyone was going on about demon children and ‘falling from grace’, it wasn’t a great time to try and tempt a stranger.”

It was a sobering reminder, one you tried not to linger on. You were a meal to him, you never tried to delude yourself into thinking otherwise, but it was different when he was the one pointing it out. If only because he’d always tried so hard to avoid admitting it. “Move on,” You replied, your voice as cold as you could manage. “Find someone else and let me wake up, if you’re so hungry.”

He frowned, pushing himself up with a heavy sigh. He wasn’t far, but he took the time to sulk and shake his head and act so concerned, as if he had to the right to anguish over his own decisions. Eventually, he made up his mind, bending at the waist and cupping your cheek, lithe fingers rubbing slow, poised circles in your jaw. “Maybe I’ve been too nice,” He started, his pout practically audible. You could’ve been sick, if you weren’t so focused on gritting your teeth and trying not to give him another reason to show his sympathy. “That’s it, yeah? I’ve been treating this like it’s just a dream, you still think it’s just a dream. I’ve let you have fun and move on when things get too hard, I’ve been soft. That was my mistake, though. I shouldn’t punish you for it.”

You didn’t indulge him with a response. Alastor didn’t seem to care.

“Think of this as… your new reality. Usually, people talk themselves into it. They crack after the first few rounds, they tell themselves it’ll be fine, they’ll just find a new way to get away. I don’t have to let things get so ugly.” He let out a breathy chuckle, the sound stifled as he kissed your forehead. You writhed, attempt to keep him at bay, but Alastor didn’t care. He couldn’t care. You weren’t sure why you’d ever expected him to. “You’re stubborn, and I like that about you, I really do, but I’m hungry. You understand that, right? I’m so, so hungry. That’s why I’m not going to let you move on, not until I decide you can.”

“And if I die?” The question was venomous, practically spat. You struggled, jerking at your bonds, but the belts only tightened, biting into your skin and burning, more than leather and steel should’ve. “We’ve done this before, Alastor, you’re predictable. I die, I always die.”

“Not this time.” His smile was back, now, a grin pulling at the corners of his lips and a hint of something playful edging its way into his tone. “It doesn’t matter if you’re gutted or stabbed or if I drain every drop of blood from you’re body, I’m in charge. If I don’t want you to die, you’re not going to. It’s going to be agonizing, and it’s going to keep going until I decide you’ve had enough.” His arms were strung around your neck in a matter of seconds, dragging you into his chest and forcing you to let him squeeze and peck and laugh, his excitement boiling over without warning. “You like horror movies, don’t you? Have you seen Misery or Saw, or - oh, god, Martyrs! This is going to be fun, it’s going to be so fun! I have this plot I’ve wanted to use for a while, too, you’ll love him. He’s just so--”

“You’re going to torture me?” You were fighting blindly, now, not caring that your fingertips were going numb or how tightly Alastor was content to hold you. Your discomfort secondary, as long as it meant getting him away from you. “That won’t make me love you. That won’t make me want to be with you. I’ll only hate you more… it’s going to hurt, and I’m going to hate you for it.”

His grip around you loosened, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t even flinch as a cart began to rattle from somewhere deep in the warehouse, approaching steadily. You doubted you’d be left to suffer in solitude, this time.

He’d never really liked watching from a distance.

“You’ll have to love me,” He whispered, pulling away and straightening his back. Letting you see that wide, ruthless smile properly. “I’m the only one who can make it stop.”