#and Buck is so overcome he falls into Eddie and kisses him on the mouth

[storygremlin]

The only things I have hard opinions about as far as how Eddie and Buck get together are:

1) Eddie says “I love you” first

2) Buck kisses Eddie

My reasoning is really simple: Eddie tends to be the person being emotionally pursued in relationships where he backs out the more invested the other person gets, and Buck is always the person being kissed. So I’d really like them to take the active role with each other in the thing they’re usually the passive recipient of, to show the amount of trust and desire they have for each other and exhibit how different and special this is for them.

I just think it would be neat ☺️

[tripleaxeldiaz]

maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 4/8

read on ao3

start from the beginning

“Buck!”

Buck nearly slices his hand on the skate he’s supposed to be sharpening when he hears May’s voice. He drags his eyes away from ice long enough to see her, Chim, and Maddie looking at him expectedly. Apparently, that wasn’t the first time she’d said his name.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said we’re going to that Thai place on Sawtelle for dinner, do you wanna come?”

“Oh, uh—” his eyes drift back in time to see Eddie land his cleanest quad lutz all day, and he tries not to smile. “I’ve got a session with Hen in a little bit, maybe tomorrow?”

“You okay, Buckaroo?” Chim asks. “You look...forlorn.”

Buck snorts and shakes his head. “I’m fine, just tired.”

Chim shrugs as he follows the girls out of the rink. Buck tries to focus, tries to get lost in the back and forth of sharpening, but he keeps getting distracted by Eddie’s practice and the way he commands the ice even when no one’s scoring him. He feels an ache in his chest watching him, a dull one but still there — it’s been a month since Skate America, and they still have lunch and hang out and everything is fine, but there’s also a tension between them now, the tension of knowing what it’s like to have their hands on each other, what the other one tastes like, and wanting to do it more. 

They make eye contact as Eddie heads for the locker room, and he sends Buck a smile so warm Buck swears it’s better than sunshine.

He keeps thinking this waiting thing is going to get easier, but it really, really hasn’t.

“Did you guys get a divorce or something?” Buck jumps as Hen sits down next to him and starts lacing up her skates. 

“What? We haven’t— We never— What?” Buck asks, voice an octave higher than normal. 

Hen levels him with an unimpressed look. “Don’t give me that. You went from hating him to being attached at the hip to staring at him like a lovesick puppy in like six weeks. Either this is a lover’s spat, or it’s some kinky roleplay thing that I don’t actually want to know anything about.”

Buck doesn’t think he’s ever blushed so hard or so fast in his whole life. “Jesus, it’s none of those things! We—” he looks around quickly before turning back and lowering his voice, “we did kiss, at Skate America, but it was just once and we decided to...pause any next relationship steps until after the Olympics.”

“Why? You’re allowed to date teammates, that’s not against the rules.”

“I know, but—” he’s not sure how to explain I can’t stop thinking about him but that makes me lose focus and as much as I want to make out with him I also want to beat him at every possible competition without sounding insane, so he settles on “we just don’t want any distractions.”

“So you’re gonna pine for each other from afar for the next three months, because that’s less distracting than actually being together?”

Buck pauses lacing up his own skates. “Okay, so maybe it’s not a great plan.”

Hen shrugs as she pushes off from the boards, skating backwards so Buck can still see her skeptical frown. “It might be easier to handle if you just embrace it now. I know it’ll be easier for me to handle.”

Maybe she’s right, a little voice in his head whispers, because it makes sense. But at the same time, a relationship is something he’s never had to factor into competition season before, so he’s honestly not sure how to navigate it. Maybe it starts great, they’re mooning over each other, but then one of them has a bad showing, and it leads to animosity or jealousy or some other ugly thing that would drive a wedge back between them when they’d (he’d) just overcome it. Buck cares about Eddie, cares about their friendship, their potential relationship, Eddie’s general happiness. But he also cares about his career, about his own dreams, and call him selfish or single minded, but he really cares about winning the Olympics. And he’s not willing to risk hurting any of those things by jumping into something too quickly.

He wants to do this with Eddie, but he wants to do this right, when he can make Eddie a top priority like he deserves. If that means he has to endure a few more months of pining, then fine. Come February, it’ll all be more than worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, he’s sitting cross-legged at center ice, staring off at nothing, when he sees Eddie skating over to him out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t say anything, just sits down next to Buck, copying his position, and inviting himself into the reflective silence Buck’s created in the dim morning light.

He finds he doesn’t mind the company so much. 

“Are we meditating?” Eddie whispers eventually, like he still respects the quiet even though he has no idea what it’s for. 

“Something like that,” Buck says, and Eddie nods, lets them fall back into their own thoughts. It makes Buck melt a little bit, a welcome relief from the incessant buzzing he’s been feeling under his skin all morning.

The truth is, Buck hasn’t been able to make himself move for about 20 minutes. He came in for one last early practice before they’re supposed to fly to Japan, fell on every single jump he attempted, and eventually just didn’t get back up. He had half hoped giving up would spurn his stubborn streak to try one more time one last jump, but instead he just sat, his worries burying him deeper and deeper like freshly fallen snow.

He groans and leans back, laying flat on the ice, trying to focus on the bite of the cold on the back of his head instead of anything else. Eddie follows suit to mirror him again, and Buck’s stupidly grateful that he’s here. He turns his head to face him and is met with eyes glowing honey colored in the sunlight.

“I’m really worried about fucking everything up,” he says in a rush, like Eddie’s gaze pulled it right out of him before he could put all is walls up and lock them, pretend like he’s still strong and has it all together.

“You won’t,” Eddie says with no hesitation.

Buck rolls his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“I do. I’ve watched you skate since we were 16. I know setbacks make you fight harder.”

“This isn’t about setbacks,” he says, sitting up and resting back on his hands. “This is about going to the last GP before the Final, where everyone is warmed up and has all their kinks worked out, while I can’t even land a clean triple loop.”

Eddie, once again, sits up to mirror him. “One bad practice doesn’t mean anything. Your programs are solid, the audience and the judges love you, you really have nothing to worry about.”

“Except your perfect jumps getting in my way.”

Eddie laughs and it echoes around the rink. “Yeah, except that. But hey, if I win, I’ll let you hold the medal, just to remember what gold feels like.”

With anyone else, Buck would bristle at a joke like that, especially after a trainwreck of a practice. Hell, three months ago, he certainly wouldn’t have been okay with Eddie saying it. But now he just laughs, and he feels almost relieved, because despite their being direct competition, despite the pause they put on whatever it was they were moving towards, he still has Eddie in his corner. He might not actually know how this next week will go, but Eddie believes in him, and right now, it’s enough to finally get him up off the ice, offering a hand down to Eddie to pull him up too. They linger for a minute, hands still clasped, before Buck pulls away and glides toward the edge of the rink.

“Think you can’t beat me in a 500 meter, golden boy?”

Eddie smiles that smile that makes Buck’s stomach drop, and then he’s flashing past him, halfway around the ice before Buck can even start. They go around and around, name calling and playfully shoving, and Buck’s nerves melt away with every burst of speed and every glimpse of joy on Eddie’s face.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they land in Sapporo, Buck’s so exhausted he feels a little drunk. He’s never been good at sleeping on long flights, always too distracted by the endless movie choices or a trashy thriller he picked up at Hudson News or his own worries swirling in his head. He finally managed to fall asleep for an hour before he was woken up by the warm weight of Eddie’s cheek resting on his shoulder, his hair softly brushing his jaw.

His only focus after that was on keeping as still as possible for the rest of the flight.

Eddie, thankfully, takes charge of herding him through customs and to the car waiting for them at arrivals, gently steering him so he avoids people and poles while his eyes are half closed. He’s much nicer about it than Maddie ever is, and he only runs into a wall once. Eddie apologizes for it profusely, gently rubbing his head checking for bumps. Buck has to literally bite his tongue before an embarrassing string of words tumbles of his exhausted mouth.

They make it to the hotel in one piece, and Buck barely has time to take his shoes off before he passes out, starfished on the bed, soothed by the background noise of Eddie puttering around the bathroom. 30 seconds later (actually four hours but it feels much shorter), an alarm goes off, and Buck is once again herded around the room and out the door, a cup of coffee shoved into his hand as they get in the van to take them to practice. 

Thanks to the coffee and a 30 minute nap in the van, Buck’s at least awake enough to be functional when they arrive. He’s even more awake after a few laps around the rink, the wind stinging his face a better pick-me-up than caffeine. He runs his jumps with Bobby, lands them clean, and he feels good, his nerves quieted by lingering exhaustion and confidence he hasn’t been able to find in a few weeks. 

He sees Eddie by the boards, the usual thrill of having him watch running through him, pushing him just a little bit harder, but it’s quickly snuffed out when he sees that Eddie’s not alone, and he’s not even looking at the ice. Instead, he’s talking to a handsome Russian skater, one that Buck’s known since they were juniors so he knows how big of an asshole he is. He’s laughing loudly like Eddie just told the funniest joke he’s ever heard, his hand running up and down Eddie’s bicep in a much too friendly way. Buck tries to shake it off and keep focused, but after falling out of two spins and almost face planting on a three turn, Hen sends him off to stretch on his own and “get your damn head on straight”. He stalks off, passing close enough to Eddie and The Asshole to hear The Asshole ask when Eddie will have time to get dinner before going back to the States. 

Buck...he’s not jealous. He has no reason to be, he and Eddie are not dating. But he feels something boiling hot and nasty in his stomach, and he kind of wants to slam the guy’s hand with a toe pick every time his laugh pierces through the rink.

He’s being obnoxious and distracting, so Buck is pissed, but not jealous. And he is not avoiding Eddie by hiding in Chimney’s room until he’s sure Eddie’s asleep.

He does avoid him the next day, out of an abundance of caution that his brain-to-mouth filter might fail and he’ll say something he regrets, and because he does need to get his head on straight and focus like Hen said. He needs at least silver to qualify for the Final and push him a little bit further in the USFSA’s good graces, upping his chances of being named to the Olympic team in two months. He can’t do that if he’s worrying about non-existent relationship drama. So he fills the rest of the day with practice and conditioning, working hard enough that his brain quiets and he feels prepared, but not so much that he hurts himself. He sees Eddie here and there, thinks he tries to catch his eye a few times, but he’s got tunnel vision now, and nothing short of a life or death emergency will break it. 

At least, that’s how his tunnel vision used to work. 

But the next day during short programs, he sees The Asshole strutting towards Eddie again before their warm-up group goes out, and his tunnel crumbles, filling his brain with static and rubble.  

His program could have gone worse, overall, but it also certainly could have gone better. A quad loop turned triple loop and a sketchy landing on his triple axel land him in third place, meaning his free actually has to be perfect to get him to the Final. Only the six highest scoring skaters after all Grand Prix events qualify, and last he checked, he was just in sixth place but could easily be overtaken. Eddie is (surprise surprise) in first, Buck feeling a strange mix of pride and panic as he watches him execute another flawless short. It seems to be only getting stronger as the season goes on, which should also be happening for Buck, but instead it feels like he’s slowly unravelling, hurrying to spin himself back together before he loses too much ground.

The Asshole is in second. Buck has to sit on his hands during the presser so he doesn’t reach across the table and smack that smug look right off the guy’s face.

“He really said he was ‘looking forward to representing his country at the top of the Olympic podium’. Like seriously? We’re all thinking it, but no one’s conceited enough to say it out loud and on the record.”

Maddie shrugs from the other end of the bed. “Maybe it’s a language thing. Like he meant to say ‘on the podium’ instead but got confused because English is hard.”

Buck levels her with an unimpressed glare. He had come to her room right after the presser, lamenting about everything that went wrong and stupid judges and stupid Russia (“Really, Buck? The whole country?”). He’s usually grateful for Maddie’s voice of reason, but today he just needs to vent all his frustrations that have built up over the past few days. He really doesn’t care if they make sense or not.

“You should see the way he’s throwing himself at Eddie. I’ve watched him flex his arms every time Eddie’s walked past for two days. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so irritating.”

“Well, I’m sure Eddie’s not falling for it if this guy is as big of a jerk as you say he is.”

Buck stays quiet, avoiding her eyes and slowly dragging a french fry through ketchup on the room service plate in front of him. 

“Oh my god,” Maddie groans, reaching forward to shove his shoulder. “Do you really think Eddie is that shallow?”

“Well I don’t know!” Buck says. “I heard him ask Eddie out to dinner after the competition, maybe he said yes! It’s not like he’s seeing anyone.”

“It’s not like he’s seeing you, is what you mean. Since you were the one who said you two should wait until after Beijing.” 

“Whatever,” he mutters as he stabs another fry into ketchup.

Maddie shakes her head. “Jealousy is not a good look on you, Buck.”

“I’m not jealous! I’m just...concerned for my friend, and—” He stops as Maddie just stares at him like she sees right through him. Which, he supposes, is probably not hard for her to do. She reaches out for his hand, taking it in hers and squeezing gently.

“If you’re that ‘concerned’,” she says, air quotes very much implied, “then I think you should just go talk to him.”

“And say what? ‘I don’t want you to go on a date with that handsome Russian man because I want to go on a date with you, even though I was the one who said we should wait because I’m an idiot’?

“...maybe not those exact words. But you do have to go back to your room, because it’s after midnight, the free dance is in eight hours, and I need to sleep.” She all but rolls him off the bed, pulls him into a quick hug, then shoves him into the hallway. “You got this! Use your words!” she yells as the door closes behind her.

When he gets back, Eddie is still awake, reading a book and icing his right ankle. He smiles at him in greeting, that same soft smile that Buck’s pretty sure only he gets to see. The smile he definitely didn’t see whenever he saw Eddie talking to The Asshole.

Maybe not all hope is lost.

“Rough day?” Buck asks, nodding towards Eddie’s ankle.

“Think I just landed on it weird,” Eddie says. “You did really great.”

“I think the judges would say otherwise, but thanks. You were really great, too.” They swim in a semi-comfortable silence as Buck gets changed. He waffles back and forth on what to say, if it’s actually even worth saying anything at all despite what Maddie said, until he faces Eddie again and blurts out, “So are you gonna go to dinner with that Russian guy?”

Eddie just blinks at him for a second before he starts laughing. It’s not a mean laugh, it’s more like a I can’t believe you just said something that dumb laugh. Maddie has a laugh that’s very similar.

He’s still catching his breath a bit when he answers. “No, no I’m not going to dinner with that guy. You know him, right? He’s a total douche. Pretty sure he was actually holding a flex whenever he was talking to me.”

Buck sits on his bed and tries to keep his own laugh in, worried that it would come out hysterical with relief. Not that he ever really doubted Eddie’s taste or ability to take care of himself. It’s just...nice to have it confirmed.

“Plus,” Eddie says as he gets his composure back fully, “I, uh, told him I’m interested in someone else anyway. So hopefully he’ll back off for good.”

Buck freezes, his eyes locked on Eddie’s. A wave of guilt washes over him so suddenly it makes him nauseous. As dumb as his friends may think he is, he’s not that dumb — he knows what he asked of Eddie when he put this thing of theirs on hold. But hearing that Eddie’s following through, seeing it in action — it doesn’t sit right with him. It makes him feel like he’s imposing, like he’s taking away part of Eddie’s life just for the vague chance that they could have something, something that’s not even guaranteed no matter how right it feels to Buck even now.

“Eddie,” he starts, waffling again, “if you want— I mean you shouldn’t have to— I don’t want you waiting around for— for me, for us, if that’s not something you’re interested in anymore.”

There’s a beat before Eddie moves, tossing his book and the ice pack aside. He stands gingerly, favoring his left side just a little bit, and shushes Buck when he tries to protest. He crosses the short distance between their beds slowly, like he’s trying to make sure Buck doesn’t bolt before he gets to him. Carefully, he reaches down to take both of Buck’s hands in his, moving until he’s standing just between Buck’s legs. When Buck doesn’t look up (partially out of embarrassment, and partially out of marveling at how warm and good Eddie’s hands feel in his), he squeezes gently until he gets his attention. Buck finally manages to lift his head, and is met with a look so full of fondness it takes his breath away.

Eddie lets out a slow breath through his nose. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it meant something,” he says quietly, unwilling to disturb the bubble of peace they seem to form when they’re together. “So I’m still very interested. And I really don't mind the waiting. It’s only three months — we’ll be too stressed and working too hard to think about anything else anyway.”

Buck tries to talk around the lump in his throat, but he can’t, so he just nods instead, squeezing Eddie’s hands back. Something loosens in his chest, a tension he thought was coming from agonizing over his programs and his protocols, but maybe not. Maybe he’s come to rely on Eddie, on his friendship and general presence, more than he thought he has over the past few months. That confirmation that they’re moving toward something, together, makes him feel grounded in a way that he hasn’t felt in weeks.

They stay in their bubble for a little bit longer, and Buck feels himself calm even more. Eventually, Eddie squeezes his hands one more time, whispering “goodnight, Buck” before pulling away and getting back in his bed. He turns the lights off, the room falling into darkness, and Buck drifts off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Something’s definitely wrong. Maybe it was minor yesterday, but after landing on his ankle eight more times during his free, Eddie’s clearly favoring his left side and in a whole lot of pain. It’s clear to Buck, at least — to anyone else, Eddie is all grace and smiles as usual, easily taking first place with no way for anyone else to beat him, even with three skaters left.

But Buck knows, knows Eddie and knows that feeling of trying to push through the pain better than anyone, but he doesn’t have time to do anything about it — talk to Eddie, talk to Bobby, talk to someone — before it’s his turn to skate. He tries to shove the worry down, but that raspy little voice is back in his head, whispering about all the worst things that could be happening to Eddie, and all the worst things that could happen to him again if he fucks up his own landings. Visions of cracked bones and bandaged cuts fly through his head — flashbacks to months of bitterness and rage and uncertainty. The panic at his dream potentially slipping away from him again floods his chest and makes it hard to breathe. He swears he feels his leg seize up, just like it used to, just like it hasn’t in over a year until right now, but can’t figure out if it’s real or not.

His music starts just as his spiral does.

The first fall is, technically, his fault. He’s too close to the boards for his triple axel, so he can either crash into them when he lands or stop short and hit the ice. He loses points either way, but in the split second he has to think about it, the latter seems less embarrassing and less painful. As he stands back up, he quickly does the math in his head. Accounting for his average component scores and any potential tech panel biases, he really, really cannot afford any more screw ups. 

So, naturally, he falls again.

It’s the jolt this time — that fear that grips his entire body when he sees the ice so far below him, the memory of landing so incorrectly that he couldn’t walk for three weeks, couldn’t skate for even longer. And it’s all laced with worry for Eddie, who he knows is watching from the side, no ice on his ankle and still standing on it, trying to ignore something that’s only going to get worse. Maybe it’s projection, but he wouldn’t wish the misery he went through on anyone, not even Eddie when he couldn’t stand the sight of him, and especially not Eddie now.

He finishes by sheer force of will, his stubbornness and perfectionism overcoming his panic long enough to get him through his last step sequence and spins and to hit his final pose with a smile. The applause feels genuine, but he knows it’s not enough. It’s not even close to enough.

He finishes fifth in free skate, fourth overall, and he knows before he even sees the complete standings that he’s not going to the Final.

Luckily, since he finishes off podium, he doesn’t have any post-competition pressers or photo ops or reasons to slap on a fake smile for anyone. He goes back to his room and packs up so he has something to do with his hands. Maddie and May both text him about doing something with their last night in Japan, but the thought of going out and talking to his friends about their successes against his own failures kind of makes him want to throw up. Instead, he turns off his phone and finds a Japanese dub of Goonies playing on cable and burrows into bed in an attempt to get his brain to shut up for the first time all day.

When burrowing doesn’t work, he squishes himself into the armchair by the TV instead.

When that still doesn’t work, he paces.

That’s what he’s doing when Eddie gets back, looking worn out but still smiling, ribbon of his gold medal dangling out of his warm up jacket pocket. He waves goodbye to whoever is on the outside the door, but as soon as it’s closed, the act drops. Buck watches him sink against the door and lets out a long breath, grimacing as he tests out putting full weight on his right ankle.

Whatever anxiety Buck had managed to pace off (which really wasn’t a lot) comes back in full force, and he’s at Eddie’s side in three long steps.

“You’re hurt,” he says matter-of-factly.

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s just really sore, Buck, it’ll be better when I finally get to rest it.”

“No, it won’t be,” Buck snaps as he strides towards the ice bucket in the corner of the room to start filling up a bag. “You’ll think it’s getting better, and you’ll keep taking painkillers to take the edge off, but it’ll just keep getting worse, and you won’t even know it until your PT finally tells you it’s either two months off your feet to let it heal properly or you risk never being able to compete again.” He almost rips the bag in half as he finishes filling it with ice. He wraps it in a spare towel and shoves it at Eddie, who takes it gingerly before sitting on his bed and placing it on his ankle.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Eddie says. 

Buck shrugs. He might know a thing or two about trying to force healing too quickly and ignoring pain, about getting a cast off two weeks too early and almost having his bone heal crooked. But his issues are not what’s important right now. 

What’s important is Eddie.

“Look, can you just—” Buck sits on the bed next to Eddie, hovering over him like he can use his body to shield Eddie from anything else that might hurt him. “Just promise me you’ll get it checked when we get home, okay? Don’t put it off, don’t wait until after the Final—”

“Hey,” Eddie says, his hand coming to Buck’s shoulder and squeezing. “I’ll go, I promise. First appointment I can get.” Buck nods, and Eddie nods with him, thumb softly pressing against his pulse point. He doesn’t feel better, but he feels less buzzy, less like he’s dangling off the edge of a cliff by the tips of his fingers.

Buck nods again, decisively, before quickly squeezing Eddie’s wrist and standing. Eddie catches his hand before he makes it very far, his eyes filled with an intensity he hasn’t seen off the ice.

“I’m okay,” he says firmly, reassuringly. “We’re okay. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.”

You don’t know that, Buck thinks, but he just quirks a smile instead before heading to the bathroom.

He closes the door behind him, sinks to the floor, and tries to let any worse case scenarios push him back over the edge.

~~~~~~~~~~

[from: Eddie] It’s a stress fracture

[from: Eddie] They said if I had landed on it a few more times it would have been much worse

[from: Eddie] Glad I listened to you

Buck feels a weird sense of relief and unease as he reads Eddie’s texts. The door to Bobby’s office shuts behind him, the sounds of the rink muffled to a dull murmur. He’s not sure why he’s here — he hasn’t done anything to get him in trouble, and they literally had practice together an hour ago.

Bobby sits at his desk, hands folded in front of him. “So I’m not sure if you heard, but Eddie—”

“—has a stress fracture in his ankle, yeah, he just told me.”

Bobby smirks before continuing. “He’ll be out for the next six weeks at least, so he’ll be missing the Final.” He pauses for what feels like dramatic effect.

Buck scrunches his brow. “Right. But what does that have to do with me? I’m second alternate, that kid from Japan should be taking his spot.”

“And he is,” Bobby says. “But the skater from Canada who qualified also has to withdraw. I guess a bad case of the stomach flu has been going through their team. He won’t be back in shape by next weekend, which means—”

“I’m in,” Buck says quietly.

Bobby nods. “You’re in.”

Buck’s first reaction is to laugh. A high pitched, hysterical laugh because he really can’t believe this is happening. He screwed up, screwed up bad, but he’s getting a second chance, by some twist of fate or intervention from the universe or however the hell this happened. Bobby keeps talking about flights and practice schedules, and Buck hears him, but not really, because all he feels is relieved. Relieved that his Olympic chances maybe won’t be as squashed as he thought, and relieved that he gets a chance to prove himself again, to show that he can deliver and that he’s worthy.

That’s all he’s ever trying to do, really.

He leaves Bobby’s office practically floating, already texting Hen about when they can meet and tweaks he wants to make that will push his programs that much closer to perfect. He’s in the middle of calling Maddie when he gets a text back, pulling it up as she starts listing all the program improvements she has planned for her and Chim to work on since they didn’t make the Final themselves.

It’s not from Hen like he expects, it’s from Eddie — a picture of him laid up on a couch, foot in an air cast but still smiling at the camera.

[from: Eddie] Told you I’d take care of myself. I’ll be cheering you on from here

It hits him then, and he plummets back down to Earth at the reminder.

Eddie’s not coming with him.

He gets to try and keep his Olympic dreams alive, while Eddie stays home and hopes that he does enough to be healthy in time for Nationals.

A year ago, he’d be stupidly smug about a change of events like this. Now, it just makes his stomach twist and sympathy and sadness. He’ll be facing this competition alone — without his friend, his fiercest competition, his...Eddie — and no matter how much easier it might be for him to stay focused, alone is the last thing he wants to be.

[stydiaeverafter]

Not all heroes wear capes

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Characters: Evan “Buck” Buckley, Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz

Rated: T

Words: 2k

Read on ao3

Summary: What Buck thought was an ordinary Thursday night, soon changes into something much more when feelings for his best friend are exposed.

A/N: I've recently fallen into watching 9-1-1 and am obsessed. Right away, I felt the chemistry and love between Buck and Eddie. I love the family feels I get when I watch them with Christopher. So I added three of my favorite elements in my first Buddie fic. I know it won't be the last time writing for them! I hope you enjoy it!

It was an ordinary Thursday night.

Buck had invited Eddie and Christopher over for pizza and movies. They had ordered the supreme of course, which Eddie had all but inhaled, and a small cheese pizza for Chris.

They were watching Marvel movies and talking about who their favorite superhero was. Chris picked Spiderman because he liked that everyone saw him as ordinary but he was so much more. Eddie picked Iron Man, most likely because of the ties to the extreme situations he had been through in his life. And Buck picked Captain America, of course; it was an easy choice to make.

Halfway through Infinity War, Chris had fallen deeply to sleep. Buck loved having his buddy here. He liked making sure he was always safe. If he was being honest, he loved the kid. Chris had helped inspire him in more ways than one. He was the greatest miracle.

The second greatest miracle was his best friend. He had been so grateful to have met someone like Eddie Diaz. They had clicked from...almost the moment they had met. It took some thawing, but they were now inseparable.

But if he was being honest again, he also loved his best friend...as in...he was in love with Eddie. Buck hadn’t known exactly when it had happened, but now that it had, it was like falling asleep. It was effortless. Natural.

They had spent years getting to know one another, and every moment was special to Buck. When Chris had been away at camp, and both Buck and Eddie had been missing him like crazy, they hung out practically every night for weeks to soothe the ache.

Over that course of time, Buck caught himself staring more at Eddie. Those lingering glances would hover over the guy’s lips, fingers, hair, nose. When he realized what he had been doing, he wanted to kick himself. But it wouldn’t stop. He had tried to go on a random date, but it was no use. These feelings wouldn't go away. It wasn’t some new development either he had realized, it was just finally coming to the surface.

However, he had no idea if it was one-sided. At times, Buck thought that maybe Eddie was feeling what he felt, especially when the guy looked deep into his eyes the way he did. But even if Eddie did feel something, Buck felt as though he was being a coward. He didn��t want to take the risk of losing the relationship he had for something that wasn’t a promise of being reciprocated.

For Buck, the realization of his past happened when he knew he had fallen in love with Eddie. It had been this way for him all along. But he had ignored the inner urges over the years and slept with tons of girls as Buck 1.0. Luckily, Abby with her kindness and good heart had helped him to grow. Wear less of a mask. And while he still was attracted to women, he was deeply in love with the man sitting next to him.

It was starting to cloud everything though. To the point he thought maybe putting distance between them was the next step, although he didn’t want that at all. This realization within him started to make him anxious, irritable, and quiet, something he never was. He didn’t know how to pretend anymore, not when all he wanted was to truly be with Eddie in every way.

He wanted to be a part of their world. And the thought that someone else would come into Eddie’s life and have that privilege, hurt more than he could stand.

Getting out of his head, he took another swig of his beer and looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. They had been watching movies for hours. He took a deep breath and pretended to act normal as he looked over at Eddie, “You guys can stay the night. It’s late and he needs sleep.”

“You sure?”

“Of course, the couch is big enough for the two of you. Besides when he was gone you spent the night a lot.” Memories that Buck couldn’t get out of his head and that he had replayed up in his bed nights after yet creating a different type of scenario of Eddie spending the night.

Eddie nodded, “Thanks, Buck.” But instead of looking grateful, his best friend looked down at his hands, worried lines covering his brow.

“You okay?”

Eddie looked over at him, that beautiful face that Buck was so attracted to etched with worry, “I feel like I should be asking you that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Eddie drawled, “that you’ve seemed uptight all night like something is bothering you. Actually, for the last few weeks, it seems. Even at work. I thought it was just because you were missing Christopher like I was, but now that he's back, you're still acting like something is wrong. What’s going on?”

Damn. Buck had tried to hide how he was feeling, but it was getting harder and harder to fade away. Especially when they were both single and he had finally had some deep closure with Abby. “Uh, nothing, man. I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“Excuse me?”

Eddie rolled his hazel eyes, “Please Buck, you act as if I don’t know you or somethin’. This is me we’re talking about, us, whatever it is you can tell me.”

Us. If only Eddie knew how that word haunted Buck in every waking hour. Anxiety started to overcome him as Buck removed himself from the couch, and hopefully the situation. “Nah, I promise. I’m fine.” He walked into the kitchen and started to clean up dinner.

He looked over to see Eddie putting a blanket over Christopher and turning off the TV. Eddie wasn’t going to give up on this conversation. That much was certain. When his best friend had his mindset on something, he followed through every single time. Buck just wanted to get the hell out of there before he did something stupid.

Turning on the sink, he started washing the dishes as if that would somehow wash away his feelings. Nothing would do that.

He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, and he closed his eyes from the touch of it. God, he wanted to embrace that touch. The few times they had hugged, he had clung on for dear life not really understanding why. Now he understood, more than he cared too.

“Evan,” he heard his name whispered and he trembled from the thrill of it coming off of Eddie’s lips, “Please...talk to me.”

The way Eddie had begged, made Buck tremble even more. God, he just wanted to hold Eddie in his arms.

He shut the running water off and turned around. Eddie was so close to him that his heart pounded like a drum inside his chest.

“I can’t…” Buck replied sadly as he breathed out. “Just let it go, okay?”

Eddie finally nodded after searching Buck’s face, “Okay, if that’s what you want. I’m just really worried about you.”

Great. Now he was being pitied, something he definitely didn’t want or need. Anger flared in his body. “Because you’ve always been so open with me.”

Eddie frowned and his mouth fell open in surprise, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Buck groaned, wanting nothing more than to end this conversation. “Honestly, just forget I said anything.”

“No, please,” Eddie pushed with a flicker of anger as well, “If you have something to say and want to throw punches, I’d rather you just say it to my face upfront.”

Fine. I guess we’re doing this, “I feel like half the time I don’t know what you’re thinking, and when I ask, you push me away. You’ve pushed me away for a while now.”

“Kind of like you’re doing now?”

Buck nodded, grabbing on to Eddie’s thick wrist, which was now pinning him closer up against the sink. How was it possible that they were getting closer and closer within this small space? “Guess so.” He looked over Eddie’s shoulder to see if their loud whispers had woken Chris up.

The little boy was still fast asleep on the couch.

“Well,” Eddie exclaimed with a bit of desperation Buck hadn’t seen in some time, “maybe we should both be honest with one another for a change. You can start with what’s really bothering you, then I’ll gladly answer any question you want.” When Buck didn’t answer, Eddie frowned and bit his lip, “I know it involves me in some way, so just tell me, Buck!”

Buck didn’t know if it was the way Eddie bit into that bottom lip of his, the way his body was up close to his, or the fact that Eddie was pushing for answers and he was tired of hiding it from the guy, but Buck’s body responded and he closed the distance between them.

His lips crashed onto Eddie’s and he roughly kissed the guy he loved most in the world. It was a reaction to the wanting and needing he had had for Eddie for so long. His lips slid across his best friends and it was like breathing for the first time in forever.

When he came to what he was doing, he quickly pulled away. Eddie’s mouth was still hanging open, a bit red from Buck’s kisses, and his eyes were wide with shock.

Neither spoke for what felt like a very long time.

Buck had to break the silence, he was the one who made the move, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He looked down to his feet from the silence, feeling so uncomfortable he wanted to cry. What in the hell had he just done? He was going to lose Eddie...and Christopher. Tears started forming in his eyes; he was helpless to stop them.

That was when he felt a soft touch on his chin, as Eddie lifted his head up gently to meet his gaze, “I’m not sorry. I’m glad you did.”

Buck looked at Eddie and blinked several times, tears falling down his face. Eddie wiped them away off of his cheeks with his thumbs as he held Buck’s face.

“You are?”

Eddie nodded, his face full of emotion, “Yes, I am. You did what I didn’t have the guts to do.”

Buck trembled, not for the first time, “Do you… um, you wanted to kiss me?” He was fumbling his words like an idiot, but he didn’t care. He felt as if this had been a dream, one he would wake up from at any moment.

“For a very long time,” Eddie responded truthfully, his eyes never leaving Buck’s face. It felt as if Eddie were seeing him for the first time. “I didn’t realize you might feel the same way.”

“I do…I always have, for as long as I can remember.” As the words finally left Buck’s mouth, he felt as though a heavyweight had been lifted off of his chest.

“You...you never said anything,” Eddie swallowed breathing heavily as if he had run around the block.

“I was scared,” Buck said. If he was going to start being honest, then he was just going to let it all out. Better now than later. He didn’t want to sit with his regrets of what might’ve been. “I didn’t want to lose my best friend.”

Eddie quickly shook his head, “You could never lose me.”

Inhaling deeply, Buck grabbed on tightly to his best friend’s shoulders. “Really?”

Smiling, Eddie put his own hands onto Buck’s waist and held on just as tightly, the feeling of it making Buck spiral in happiness, “Truly.” His smile suddenly disappeared, and Buck was scared he was waking up from the best dream he had ever experienced. “I’m sorry I never said anything either. I wasn’t going to act on my feelings for you. I guess…I was scared I was going to lose you, too. You are the greatest thing to have come into my life.” He paused and looked behind him at Christopher who was smiling in his sleep, “Well, the second-best thing.”

“Amen to that,” Buck replied with a smile as he looked at his little buddy.

“I mean it though,” Eddie said, looking back Buck’s way, “You have added so much to both of our lives. He really loves you.”

Buck nodded with a grin, “And I love him.” Then he looked deep into Eddie’s beautiful eyes and confessed everything, “I love you, too.”

“As... in love? Or just love in the general sense?” It was beyond cute to see his strong Eddie look flustered in this way. “Okay, that sounded like we are in fourth grade or something. Do you like, like me?”

They both laughed and kept hold of each other.

But then it grew serious at what the origin of the original question asked. Buck moved his hand and gently caressed Eddie’s soft skin of his cheek, “I’m in love with you, Eddie Diaz. I always have been and I always will be.”

Eddie closed his eyes briefly and shuddered a breath out. Slowly, he opened his eyes, “I’m in love with you, too, Evan Buckley.”

Staring at each other, and both trembling in anticipation, they moved towards each other. Slower this time around. When their lips brushed together it was a promise of something more. It was unique and different, but so special.

Their kiss grew deeper as the minutes went on, and Buck opened his mouth as Eddie’s tongue caressed his. He couldn’t help the moan that escaped. His hands traveled from Eddie’s face to his hair, and his fingers massaged and grabbed on. Now it was Eddie’s turn to moan as he kissed him in a frenzy.

Buck moved his hands and pulled Eddie even closer by his waist as their jeans rubbed together. The desire was unreal and Buck had never felt this type of hunger before.

However, he opened his eyes for a second and saw Christopher still on the couch. He pulled back and Eddie gave him a quizzical expression. Then he saw where Buck was looking and turned to look at his son. “He’s fine. He’s probably dreaming of superheroes.”

They both took a minute to catch their breath, never letting go of each other. Eddie looked back into Buck’s eyes and gave him the most beautiful smile nodding towards him with a look of wonder, “I guess not all superheroes need a cape after all.”

“Oh,” Buck teased as he kissed Eddie on the cheek softly, “I have one… you just can’t see it.”

“Maybe I’ll just have to look a bit harder then,” Eddie murmured seductively eyeing Buck’s bed up above. Desire coursed through Buck’s veins. He had never wanted anything more. He knew he needed to probably wait, take things a bit slower...but he felt as though he had waited a lifetime for this already.

He looked at Eddie as if to ask if he was thinking in the same way, but Eddie replied by grabbing his hand, clearly leading the way to what they both needed and wanted.

As they slowly made their way upstairs to the loft to continue what they had started, they heard, “What happened to Iron Man?”

They paused at the stairs to find Christopher rubbing his eyes sleepily. Eddie looked at Buck who smiled sheepishly and shrugged. They were not going to leave their little superhero hanging.

Buck and Eddie made their way back to the couch, sitting on both sides of Chris, and turned the movie back on even though it was way past the little boy’s bedtime. Christopher moved up close to Buck and put his head against his chest as he watched, yawning wide.

Buck smiled at the love he felt at that moment. He squeezed his little buddy tightly, who looked up at him with a big toothy grin. Then continued watching the movie. Buck then looked over to see Eddie looking back at the two of them; his eyes shining with the same expression he knew he was wearing. Love.

Their hands found each other on the back of the couch, and their fingers intertwined. What started out as an ordinary Thursday night, was no longer just an ordinary night at all. It was the beginning of a new life for him, for the three of them.

Buck couldn’t help feeling like the luckiest human on earth.

[lilywoood]

Small Bump 2/?

So here it is part two of small bump, I don’t really know how long this fic would be, and I know I still have a lot of prompt to finish but bare with me cause that fic won’t leave me alone.

Tag list : @diazbuckleysworld @cherishingstydia @felicitous-one @translucent-bisexual @gxtop @shipping-queen @impossiblealice @sergeant-barnes-and-his-captain @zola9612 @meloingly @my-name-i-we @profangirl1999

If you want to be added to Small Bump tag list just hit my ask box ♥️

Words count : 933

Song : All I Want - Kodaline

—————————————————

-Maddie please I need you, Buck sniffled, I need my big sister, he prayed...

When Maddie heard her brother’s voicemail two things happened, first she felt herself lose the grip she had on her coffee mug, she heard it fall to the floor and saw it breaking into thousand of little broken porcelain pieces, second she saw herself run to her locker and grab her stuffs...

Never once acknowledging what she was doing, it was as if a switch had been turned, the protective big sister one, she stopped thinking clearly, stopped caring about her entourage, there was only one thing running in her head right now and that was going to Buck, finding out what was happening to Buck, protecting Buck...

She could see herself run toward the exit, could hear Josh calling after her, could feel him grabbing her hand to stop her from doing so, she could see his lips moving and forming words, she could see the worry in his eyes but she couldn’t care less, Buck needed her and she needed to go.

-Maddie, Josh worried seeing her absence of reaction, Maddie what’s happening, he tried again squeezing her forearm.

-Buck, she breathed sadly, Buck he needs me, she pleaded tears menacing to fall.

-Go, Josh responded understandingly, I got your back go, he pressed when she didn’t made any move.

She nodded, hands shaking, teary eyed and lips quivering, Josh hugged her quickly, rubbing her arms before letting her go, she mouthed a quick thank you to the man who quickly became her best friend before rushing to her car.

Her hands were still shacking when she grabbed her keys, she couldn’t help but play the voicemail over and over again in her head, dread was sitting on the pit of her stomach, she didn’t know what was awaiting her, didn’t know in what state she’ll find her brother and that was what scared her the most...

—-

It’s heavy, so so heavy, so painful and suffocating he didn’t know how to deal with this, didn’t know how he would face the other, still it’s taunting him, the pink lines are still engraved in his mind, memories of that famous night are getting clearer and clearer.

He could feel he ghost of Eddie’s touch on his skin, could remember his hands traveling his body, could hear the low rumble of his voice, could feel his hot breath on his neck... If he closed his eyes he could go back to that famous night, could remember how he felt whole in Eddie’s arms, how he felt like he was finally home...

He was empty, cold and wide awake, his eyes emptily fixing the wall in front of him, his hands absently caressing his slightly bumped belly, they were alone, Eddie had abandoned them, and Buck didn’t even ressent him...

—

Most of the time Maddie didn’t mind LA shitty traffic, most of the time she could deal with it, she’ll play her special playlist and wait, today wasn’t like most of the time though and she found herself honking and cursing at every slow cars...

Stress and worry were eating her alive, she’d tried to call Buck, tried to reach him, tried to reassure him, tried to tell him she was on her way but he never answered, her calls were sent straight to voicemail and that was scaring her...

—

The first thing Maddie noticed when she finally arrived at Buck’s condo was how quiet it was, loudly and painfully quiet, the kind of worrying disturbing silence you could only witness on horror movies.

She searched all the house for her brother until she heard the rumble of water in the bathroom, she just heard the water, not the sound of Buck showering, these setting all her alarms off, she decided that since he called her clearly distressed he couldn’t care less of privacy, she needed to make sure he was ok, that he didn’t do something stupid, something life threatening...

-Evan, she called, Evan if you’re here I’m coming, she announced opening the door.

There he was sitting fully clothed in his shower, his lips blue and trembling, his skin pale and eyes bloodshot, a gasp escaped Maddie’s lips as she rushed to his side and turned off the water.

She could see the pain, the raw sadness and despair in her little brothers eyes, she felt herself tear up, she grabbed his towel and covered him with it busying herself to prevent the tears from falling.

-Evan, she croaked kissing his forehead, Evan you hear me, she murmured.

At the sound of his sister voice Buck raised his head smiling tiredly, he then hugged her, hiding his head on the crook of her neck, nuzzling her like he used to when they were younger and he had nightmares.

-You want to tell me what’s wrong, she softly demanded running her hand in his hair, massaging his scalp.

-I screwed up Maddie, he avowed with a shaky breath, I screwed up so bad, he teared, so so bad, he chuckled drily.

-Tell me, she asked encouragingly forcing him to look at her.

He shook his head tending her the three taunting sticks, she frowned confused before seeing what he meant.

-Who knows, she quizzed squeezing his shoulder.

-Only you and I, he breathed, Eddie can’t know Mads, he pleaded, neither Chim, he pressed distressed.

-I won’t tell, she promised embrassing him tightly, I’m with you every step of the way, she swore kissing his temples.

-Thank you Maddie, Buck mumbled closing his eyes tiredness overcoming him.

[mattzerella-sticks]

Jolly Holly, a Buddie fic immediately after the fall finale

With all the mistletoe hanging around, at some point Eddie and Buck had to end up under some. And if it doesn't come to pass, then someone will have to take matters into their own hands.

Will a stolen moment at the Christmas Party lead to something more?

Buck drags him down the fire station’s stairs, Eddie chuckling at the excitement splashed across his face. Their station’s stand-in for a dalmation. If he grew a tail between blinks Eddie bets it would wag fast enough to blow him away. Although not really. The tight grip cutting blood off his blood flow and turning his hand purple needs jaws of life tearing through it for a chance at freedom.

Freedom was overrated in his opinion.

“Where are you taking me?” he asks, feet stuttering in the wake of Buck’s haphazard pulling.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Buck tells him, “...not far.” They turn the corner around the ambulance and Buck slams against the side. Eddie knocks into him, drawing further laughter from them both.

“Okay, okay,” Eddie says, creating space between them with a gentle shove. Hand lingering against Buck’s chest. “I’m here… why?”

Buck sucks his bottom lip under his teeth, glancing away from Eddie. He tries to see what drew the other man’s attention but the ambulance blocks them from view of the entire firehouse. A private corner for only two.

“Well…” he starts without prompt, startling Eddie. “We’ve been here for a few hours now and… you have yet to thank me for planning this whole get-together.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, head lolling to the side and resting against the ambulance’s side. Thunk . “And this is how you want it? In private?”

Shrugging, Buck mirrors his pose. Birthmark pinching with his smile like an adorable kidney bean. “Didn’t want you to embarrass yourself in front of everyone when you fell to your knees in praise.”

“Oh, yeah,” his knees buckle slightly. Eddie sags halfway and widens the already great height difference between them. “Thank you Evan for making this one of the best Christmases I’ve ever experienced on this Earthly plane. For making it so I didn’t miss spending today with my son and ensuring that he won’t grow up hating me and when I’m on my deathbed he’ll be  there with tears in his eyes!” His snickers grew the more he spoke, until Eddie’s vision blurred from squinted eyes. Buck leans forward and laughs through quiet huffs, arms wrapped around his stomach. Eddie’s hand trails down Buck’s chest and latches onto his arm. Limply dangling, holding on with a finger or two.

“Something like that,” Buck says, wiping at his stretched cheeks, “I mean, I didn’t do this all because of you. Nice that you think so, though. Makes me feel better about my big head.”

“No one’s head’ll ever be bigger than yours… Buck .” He lightly scuffs his friend’s chin with his knuckles while he pops the ‘B’.

The bright smile shudders for a beat, sliding into a pout. But like a roller coaster it climbs high and returns to where it was. “So much for gratitude…”

“Gratitude?” he scoffs, “you mean my plaintive thanks wasn’t enough for you?”

“Well… if we’re talking…”

“What? What else could you want?”

Something tickles his forehead. Eddie glances up and finds a sprig of mistletoe waiting. His heart bounces up into his throat and wedges itself tightly, not powerful enough to choke but makes each swallow hurt. “You want a…”

“A kiss,” Buck says, soft like the leaves against his skin, “That’s all.”

“A kiss?”

“Yeah… you can say a lot with a kiss. Figured it’d beat you trying to find the perfect words to thank me with.”

Eddie’s lips thin into a firm line. “How long have you been hiding that?”

Buck brings the mistletoe closer, inspecting it. “Swiped it after our picture… it was hanging over us, then, y’know. Could’ve made you kiss me there. But like I said… didn’t want to embarrass you too much in public.”

His eyes nearly roll off his face. “You’re too much, Buck.”

“You mean you’re not gonna kiss me?”

“You think you deserve it?”

“I mean, a little,” Buck says, other hand showing off its finger and thumb, a scant inch of space separating them. “Coordinating all of this with Athena behind everyone’s backs… working with the group home to get all the kids here… promising Abuela I’d be her date at the next senior potluck if she told me what presents Christopher already had waiting for him so I could buy him a little gift.”

His legs wobble of their own accord, Eddie glad for the ambulance’s support. Reminded of Christopher in this moment, how his face lit up brighter than a Christmas tree’s when Buck revealed the present. “It’s my second favorite thing,” he told them, “after being able to spend the day with my dad…”

Buck dragged Christopher into a hug, finding Eddie easily over his son’s shoulder. The expression on his face so tempting mistletoe would be an excuse but not the reason.

“That,” Eddie says, voice low and gravelly, “that, uh… that was a hefty price to pay.”

“Worth it to see how happy it made him,” he shrugs, “how happy it made you .”

Eddie leaps towards Buck and catches him off guard, the mistletoe bouncing at their feet. His hand cradles Buck’s face, keeps it still so their lips can crash into each other. Buck’s nose tickles Eddie’s cheek. Tiny jolts cascading from the point of contact and spreading through every nerve. He imagines Buck looks shocked, but can’t muster the strength to open his eyes from when they slipped close.

Luckily, when Eddie pulls away, Buck’s remain shut. They flutter open a second later, awe shining like he stole the sun and trapped it in his gaze. Its warmth melts the block of ice his heart became, allowing it to melt to where it belongs. “What…” Buck whispers, “what was that?”

He barks a short laugh. “A kiss. What you wanted.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it!”

“I’m not one to back down, Buck,” Eddie smirks, slipping two fingers past his collar to curl around his neck, “Are you?”

Buck grins, trembling hands dancing at his sides. “Hell no. C’mere and shower me with more of that gratitude.” “Without mistletoe?”

“We never needed that weed.”

Eddie agrees, Buck’s lips draining the remnants of his will to fight. One taste like shotgunning forty cans of eggnog at once, the rush dizzying. They turn, Eddie pushing off the ambulance and splaying Buck’s back against it. Hands that grazed hips flew upwards. Tugging at his hair and squeezing his bicep. He grins into the kiss, tracing the sharp angles of Buck’s face and following a path lower. Massaging the one part of the other man that’s only curves.

“ Oh ! Oh, I’m sorry -”

They crumble, Eddie tripping over himself in shock. He stares at May, the younger girl frozen by the edge of the ambulance. Her eyes dart from the ground to Eddie to Buck and to the ground again. “May -”

“I, I didn’t mean to intrude,” she says, face heating up, “Mom needed Buck to help with dishes - part of the deal he made with her that he’d clean up if she set up. Denny saw you two come down here, and since Harry was playing with Chris she made me come over and check and - if I had known you two were…”

“Mistletoe!”

Both May and Eddie glance at Buck, the other man burning a shade similar to their firetruck. “What?” she asks.

“We were, we were caught under some mistletoe,” he explains, kicking at the near-forgotten decoration, “And, y’know what happens when two people are under… are under mistletoe…” Buck seizes, hands snapping and pointing in a series of aborted gestures that worries Eddie. Neither respond to his antics, however, and the panicked expression shifts into resignation. “Yeah, I’ll be up their in a moment to clean up.”

“Okay…”

“And May,” Eddie calls to her, attempting a smile, “maybe keep this on the low?”

She sighs, “Sure. I mean… it was mistletoe.”

“‘Atta girl.” He waves goodbye, waiting until May fully disappears to give Buck his full attention. Eddie moves closer to him, approaching cautiously like he would a wounded deer. The other man rubs at his eyes, quietly muttering to himself. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah,” Buck tells him, “Just completely mortified at having a teenager catching us acting like -”

“Like teenagers?”

“Yeah…”

His hand hesitates near his shoulder, unsure whether or not he should close the gap. “This,” he starts, sweetness in his mouth sharply decaying into bitterness, “this… you were okay with this, and - and what we -”

“Yes,” Buck cuts him off, throwing his hands off in further panic. Drawing him in with wide eyes. “Of course,” he continues, “I… I liked it. I really like it… But, I’m not sure if I’m ready for the whole team to know -”

Eddie relaxes, squeezing Buck’s shoulder. “They won’t. May’s a good kid, she’ll keep this under wraps until we’re ready.”

“You think?”

“I mean maybe not forever ,” he levels with him, smirking, “Athena’ll probably get a whiff that something’s up and it won’t be long before she figures it out.”

“That sounds like her…”

“So,” Eddie shrugs, thumb rhythmically brushing against his shirt, “maybe tonight… when Christopher’s tuckered out. We can continue where we left off and… sort a few things out. And,” his face hurts from the splitting grin stretching out his lips, “I’ll even let you bring the mistletoe.”

Buck laughs, drifting towards Eddie and ghosting their lips together in imitation of a kiss. Fuels the burning desire inside for more of a taste. “ Perfect ,” he says, spinning around Eddie, “now let’s hurry up. The faster we clean the quicker we can end our shift.”

“We?” Eddie asks, following, “How did I get roped into this?”

“Remember that day when you walked into the 118?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s how!”

Eddie shakes his head at how Buck races away, hopping up the steps. He waits at the bottom. Prefers to wait and let the past few minutes soak into him. Clutches the banister when the memory of Buck’s lips. Buck calls for him. “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

Of course Eddie will help Buck. It’s the foundation of their relationship, and of who they are as people. Together they can overcome everything, including a sink full of messy dishes.

Especially when it’s the only thing keeping them from each other. The last thing.

Finally.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” Eddie says, elbow deep in suds, fingers pruning.

Buck smiles, scans the room before blowing a soft kiss Eddie’s way. “Merry Christmas.”