#and 2 of them were plot relevant hot and ONLY the third one was actually hot

[vigilskeep]

one of the worst things a show can do, and this always happens in crime and mystery shows for some reason, is have their male lead be plot-relevant hot, like it’s genuinely key to the story episode after episode that everyone wants to fuck this guy, and then he just isn’t. he’s just some guy. immersion breaking

[niseamstories]

10 Lessons on Realistic Worldbuilding and Mapmaking I Learned Working With a Professional Cartographer and Geodesist

Hi, fellow writers and worldbuilders,

It’s been over a year since my post on realistic swordfighting, and I figured it’s time for another one. I’m guessing the topic is a little less “sexy”, but I’d find this useful as a writer, so here goes: 10 things I learned about realistic worldbuilding and mapmaking while writing my novel.

I’ve always been a sucker for pretty maps, so when I started on my novel, I hired an artist quite early to create a map for me. It was beautiful, but a few things always bothered me, even though I couldn’t put a finger on it. A year later, I met an old friend of mine, who currently does his Ph.D. in cartography and geodesy, the science of measuring the earth. When the conversation shifted to the novel, I showed him the map and asked for his opinion, and he (respectfully) pointed out that it has an awful lot of issues from a realism perspective.

First off, I’m aware that fiction is fiction, and it’s not always about realism; there are plenty of beautiful maps out there (and my old one was one of them) that are a bit fantastical and unrealistic, and that’s all right. Still, considering the lengths I went to ensure realism for other aspects of my worldbuilding, it felt weird to me to simply ignore these discrepancies. With a heavy heart, I scrapped the old map and started over, this time working in tandem with a professional artist, my cartographer friend, and a linguist. Six months later, I’m not only very happy with the new map, but I also learned a lot of things about geography and coherent worldbuilding, which made my universe a lot more realistic.

1)  Realism Has an Effect: While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating an unrealistic world, realism does affect the plausibility of a world. Even if the vast majority of us probably know little about geography, our brains subconsciously notice discrepancies; we simply get this sense that something isn’t quite right, even if we don’t notice or can’t put our finger on it. In other words, if, for some miraculous reason, an evergreen forest borders on a desert in your novel, it will probably help immersion if you at least explain why this is, no matter how simple.

2)  Climate Zones: According to my friend, a cardinal sin in fantasy maps are nonsensical climate zones. A single continent contains hot deserts, forests, and glaciers, and you can get through it all in a single day. This is particularly noticeable in video games, where this is often done to offer visual variety (Enderal, the game I wrote, is very guilty of this). If you aim for realism, run your worldbuilding by someone with a basic grasp of geography and geology, or at least try to match it to real-life examples.

3)  Avoid Island Continent Worlds: Another issue that is quite common in fictional worlds is what I would call the “island continents”: a world that is made up of island-like continents surrounded by vast bodies of water. As lovely and romantic as the idea of those distant and secluded worlds may be, it’s deeply unrealistic. Unless your world was shaped by geological forces that differ substantially from Earth’s, it was probably at one point a single landmass that split up into fragmented landmasses separated by waters. Take a look at a proper map of our world: the vast majority of continents could theoretically be reached by foot and relatively manageable sea passages. If it weren’t so, countries such as Australia could have never been colonized – you can’t cross an entire ocean on a raft.

4)  Logical City Placement: My novel is set in a Polynesian-inspired tropical archipelago; in the early drafts of the book and on my first map, Uunili, the nation’s capital, stretched along the entire western coast of the main island. This is absurd. Not only because this city would have been laughably big, but also because building a settlement along an unprotected coastline is the dumbest thing you could do considering it directly exposes it to storms, floods, and, in my case, monsoons. Unless there’s a logical reason to do otherwise, always place your coastal settlements in bays or fjords.

 Naturally, this extends to city placement in general. If you want realism and coherence, don’t place a city in the middle of a godforsaken wasteland or a swamp just because it’s cool. There needs to be a reason. For example, the wasteland city could have started out as a mining town around a vast mineral deposit, and the swamp town might have a trading post along a vital trade route connecting two nations.

 5)  Realistic Settlement Sizes: As I’ve mentioned before, my capital Uunili originally extended across the entire western coast. Considering Uunili is roughly two thirds the size of Hawaii  the old visuals would have made it twice the size of Mexico City. An easy way to avoid this is to draw the map using a scale and stick to it religiously. For my map, we decided to represent cities and townships with symbols alone.

 6)  Realistic Megacities: Uunili has a population of about 450,000 people. For a city in a Middle Ages-inspired era, this is humongous. While this isn’t an issue, per se (at its height, ancient Alexandria had a population of about 300,000), a city of that size creates its own set of challenges: you’ll need a complex sewage system (to minimize disease spreading like wildfire) and strong agriculture in the surrounding areas to keep the population fed. Also, only a small part of such a megacity would be enclosed within fantasy’s ever-so-present colossal city walls; the majority of citizens would probably concentrate in an enormous urban sprawl in the surrounding areas. To give you a pointer, with a population of about 50,000, Cologne was Germany’s biggest metropolis for most of the Middle Ages. I’ll say it again: it’s fine to disregard realism for coolness in this case, but at least taking these things into consideration will not only give your world more texture but might even provide you with some interesting plot points.

 7)  World Origin: This point can be summed up in a single question: why is your world the way it is? If your novel is set in an archipelago like mine is, are the islands of volcanic origin? Did they use to be a single landmass that got flooded with the years? Do the inhabitants of your country know about this? Were there any natural disasters to speak of? Yes, not all of this may be relevant to the story, and the story should take priority over lore, but just like with my previous point, it will make your world more immersive.

 8)  Maps: Think Purpose! Every map in history had a purpose. Before you start on your map, think about what yours might have been. Was it a map people actually used for navigation? If so, clarity should be paramount. This means little to no distracting ornamentation, a legible font, and a strict focus on relevant information. For example, a map used chiefly for military purposes would naturally highlight different information than a trade map. For my novel, we ultimately decided on a “show-off map” drawn for the Blue Island Coalition, a powerful political entity in the archipelago (depending on your world’s technology level, maps were actually scarce and valuable). Also, think about which technique your in-universe cartographer used to draw your in-universe map. Has copperplate engraving already been invented in your fictional universe? If not, your map shouldn’t use that aesthetic.

9)  Maps: Less Is More. If a spot or an area on a map contains no relevant information, it can (and should) stay blank so that the reader’s attention naturally shifts to the critical information. Think of it this way: if your nav system tells you to follow a highway for 500 miles, that’s the information you’ll get, and not “in 100 meters, you’ll drive past a little petrol station on the left, and, oh, did I tell you about that accident that took place here ten years ago?” Traditional maps follow the same principle: if there’s a road leading a two day’s march through a desolate desert, a black line over a blank white ground is entirely sufficient to convey that information.

10) Settlement and Landmark Names: This point will be a bit of a tangent, but it’s still relevant. I worked with a linguist to create a fully functional language for my novel, and one of the things he criticized about my early drafts were the names of my cities. It’s embarrassing when I think about it now, but I really didn’t pay that much attention to how I named my cities; I wanted it to sound good, and that was it. Again: if realism is your goal, that’s a big mistake. Like Point 5, we went back to the drawing board and dove into the archipelago’s history and established naming conventions. In my novel, for example, the islands were inhabited by indigenes called the Makehu before the colonization four hundred years before the events of the story; as it’s usually the case, all settlements and islands had purely descriptive names back then. For example, the main island was called Uni e Li, which translates as “Mighty Hill,” a reference to the vast mountain ranges in the south and north; townships followed the same example (e.g., Tamakaha meaning “Coarse Sands”). When the colonizers arrived, they adopted the Makehu names and adapted them into their own language, changing the accented, long vowels to double vowels: Uni e Li became “Uunili,” Lehō e Āhe became “Lehowai.” Makehu townships kept their names; colonial cities got “English” monikers named after their geographical location, economic significance, or some other original story. Examples of this are Southport, a—you guessed it—port on the southernmost tip of Uunili, or Cale’s Hope, a settlement named after a businessman’s mining venture. It’s all details, and chances are that most readers won’t even pay attention, but I personally found that this added a lot of plausibility and immersion.

I could cover a lot more, but this post is already way too long, so I’ll leave it at that—if there’s enough interest, I’d be happy to make a part two. If not, well, maybe at least a couple of you got something useful out of this. If you’re looking for inspiration/references to show to your illustrator/cartographer, the David Rumsey archive is a treasure trove. Finally, for anyone who doesn’t know and might be interested, my novel is called Dreams of the Dying, and is a blends fantasy, mystery, and psychological horror set in the universe of Enderal, an indie RPG for which I wrote the story. It’s set in a Polynesian-inspired medieval world and has been described as Inception in a fantasy setting by reviewers.

Credit for the map belongs to Dominik Derow, who did the ornamentation, and my friend Fabian Müller, who created the map in QGIS and answered all my questions with divine patience. The linguist’s name is David Müller (no, they’re not related, and, yes, we Germans all have the same last names.)

[siren-virus]

ok, It's been a long while since I've sent an ask, and though that can be atributed to life being life, that can only go so far and these previeous 3 days I've been lazing around mostly XD So, in order to compensate, here's the asks for Free and SWUP that have entered my brain and I haven't filtered out yet that I'll send you. Answer as you see fit for I might send repeated questions or some that have already been aswered before in another form.

For SWUP, would SWUP (Does she have another name? I can't remember) ever try a work somewhere? She has to get money somehow if she wants to be able to buy food, clothes, a home, and pay for all the medical expences she might have to go through. What other friends would she have other than wine aunt and coffee barista? I remember you said there might be a third one who's not really relevant, but whos father is, and you were still unsure on wether to include them or not. Also, the humans in this Earth, how much do they know about aliens? The Unicorns and Dragons? I imagine that considering the amount of damage they can do when they fight, and considering that apparently their experiments on abducted humans that they leave on Earth for like a month before taking them forever, would make them fairly known, and have something like a world agency looking out for different cases or something, however succesful they actually are.

Now onto Free, Is there any chance that we could get to know of any of the friends that the rag-tag group would make along the way of the travels? Like, there HAS to be someone who they befriend without any shennanigans involved at the very least, or with minimal ammount of them, just as there HAS to be a friend made after a disaster of cataclismic proportions happens that inebitably onvolves the found family. Also, how long was Leo outside on his own before bird friend (forgot his name) found him and started to get them back to the Domes? Considering that they have a long adventure, I imagine that he spent at least a month outside without an idea of any direction he was going, and getting lost along the way because of course he gets lost, before he was found. Would the team find anyone else who was part of the Domes but left of their own volition too? Another traveler similar to Leo, but that doesn't want to return to those places for X or Y reason? Would there be anyone from the Domes that they meet that DIDN'T want to leave the Domes in the first place but got out regardless? This could be for whatever reason, from kidnapping to exhile to attack to the Dome to simply escaping from a bad situation.

oop sorry for taking a bit to get back to you,

youre questions make me realise how under developed my stories are wheeezee so i rlly appreciate your questions!!

SWUP aka Vicky her human alias. or I guess the unicorn is the alias. AH SHIT I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT!! Originally when i made SWUP she was supposed to be in high school. But as i grow I also like my characters to grow with me. Maybe I'll get her a job as one of them gym buddies (it has to be a job that allows for some form of freedom, enough to like be able to do th vigialnte thing- (i forget the name) Medical expenses aren't too bad, I'm basing it off aus medical- which means medicare! Plus she doesn't need the hospital all that often, she can regenerate.

In terms of friends she doesn't have many not because she socially inept (like myself)- she was very popular in highschool, but there isn't many people she can relate to. Her best friend James (pending name) comic book nerd that loves super heroes is all she's got. And some gym bros, but they're just friends at the gym, outside complete strangers. I really do want James to be relevant to the plot and not his dad and daddy issues, but he's a bit hard to squeeze in. Maybe if I sat down to actually do some writing, maybe--- ALAS I am but a creature of laziness, and poor attention span. (im barely focusing on Flee atm and I rlly wanna try developing GECKO again fml)

Humans know little to nothing about aliens (excpet for like the government and so wackos who a really into scifi) So even though SWUP is doing her best to help ppl, she's seen as a horrifying villain that is stage one to an alien invasion. (the scifi wackos play a part in that.) Although most Police officers appreciate the help... most.

Suprisingly no, most humans who were mutated into unicorns almost seem to disappear, SWUP is an exception. Why is that hmmmmmmmm? this is kind of a big moment, if I ever plan to push this idea to the webcomic/animation stage, youll see.

There's not really an official .org agency or anything like that, but some wackos who love space, and an actual scientist or 2. So far they have deducted that unicorns are evil space creatures who prey on humans and consume their flesh to get stronger so they can lay eggs and take over the world. There's not a lot of truth to that. Some parts tho... but which part? At the moment I'm really into mystery- so maybe I'll add some mystery elements, or I'll give it to GECKO. first i gotta redesign Mac, poor lad is not a looker I'l tell you that.

FLEE I barely know their friends either- haven't gone about developing them. HOWEVER. I do have a villain in mind. I remember making him for my illustration class back in uni (sigh uni days...) I dom't have a name, but I have a face. He's a big leader of this village known for killing the hybrid/mutants. He and his crew, a rag-tag gun loving, truck driving, share-a-brain-cell, lot. How they've managed to become successful hunter bunch is unknown.

But one the friends I have developed enough is Bolt, who also comes with their own shennanigans and an old rusty bus. Techincally they don't need it because they're fast as fuck, but it helps to have around incase you get a goliath sand bobbit on your hands.

Tristian is the human, Leo is the bird friend. Actually Trisitian was out on his own for three days, he didn't cover much ground when he finally met Leo either- dumbass didn't bring enough food and water to last. He didn't even have a plan, just wanted to go out. The only reason Leo didn't send his ass running home was because something- or someone- pushed them far. far away. Oh my who could it be?

Tristians kind of a rarity, not many people leave the domes unless it's through underground passageways to other domes. Most people are blissfully unaware of the outside world. Not to say Tristians the only one who escaped, but he's the only one who's survived outside for so long. (dome people don't have any survival skills) The only reason Tristians gotten so far is dumb lucks and a hot headed bird friend.

[moomingitz]

I pretty much never do these 30 day challenge questionnaire things, but, I’ll make an exception for this one.

Jak and Daxter 30 Day Challenge:

Question 1: How did you discover Jak and Daxter?

I remember when the TPL first came out it was advertised out of the ass. It was the commercials and ads in video game magazines I saw first, and the Disney and anime esque art style and character designs immediately appealed to me. Also, my former tween self thought Jak was kind of hot.

I didn’t have a PS2 when it was first released, though, because I was obviously not old enough to get a job at the time, and my family was kind of on the low income end of things. The first time I actually got to play it was in the summer of 2002, when I was at a Circuit City(RIP). They had a PS2 on display and one of the games you could play was Jak and Daxter. During the time I played it while waiting for my mom to look at computers, I got stuck on Misty Island because I kept trying to catch that damn muse.

In early 2003, my mom surprised the family with a PS2 because Costco had special bundles on sale while she was there. Two of the games that came with our PS2 was Gran Turismo 3 and Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy.

It took me some time to get used to the game play, and to find all of the items and secrets, but once I did I was not only able to beat the game, but also %100 it no problem. I ended up loving the game. I loved it’s art direction, the environments, the character designs, and the characters. I wished the game was longer because I really wanted more- turns out I wasn’t going to have to wait much longer, learning that a sequel was on it’s way later that year.

I was very skeptical when I first saw previews of Jak II. With it’s whole shift to a darker and gritty tone, it’s setting changing to a futuristic dystopia, the heavier emphasis on vehicles and now gun combat, and then eventually learning that Jak would longer be a silent protagonist. When the game finally came out and I rented it first thing; I also ended loving it, much to my relief. I still stand by what I say about Jak II being one of the better examples of taking a more light hearted series in a more dark and gritty direction. It probably also helped that it came out just at the right time- when I was entering into my edgy teen phase, so I ate that kind of shit up. And if I thought Jak was kind of hot in TPL, oh boy, it was Simpy City for my former edgy teen self the moment the second game was released.

The Jak and Daxter series was also one of the very first fandoms I became active in, instead of just lurking around, during my super early internet fandom days. So this series in general is very near and dear to me.

Question 2: Which game is your favorite?

I guess it’s a tie between The Precursor Legacy and Jak II?

I really like the gameplay, the art direction, and the setting in general in TPL. Even now I think the areas are fun to explore and find neat details in them. The whole game feels like an action/adventure cartoon. Still waiting for an animated adaption that I think this series deserves.

When it comes to Jak II, it’s my favorite in terms of story and characters. Aside from the whole attempt at some love triangle/conflict that’s immediately dropped and never brought back up as soon as it’s introduced, I think this game nails the three act story structure. Every character you meet are not only likeable or interesting, but are all relevant to the plot. Nearly everything you do or encounter has a purpose to the narrative. Everything in the game’s story eventually comes together in the game’s third act and climax. The attention to detail is something I also really like, making you view things in a different light when playing through again.

Then there’s Jak and Daxter themselves in the second game. I think having Jak no longer being a mute protagonist was a good move. I think it really helped give him more of a personality and character, while at the same time you can still look at him and see that he is the same boy we saw in the previous game- he’s just older and traumatized, now. Where I think it was most beneficial is when it came to him and Daxter’s dynamic, especially now that Daxter was no longer the one having to carry everything.

Question 3: Which is your least favorite game?

I haven’t played Daxter’s spin-off game yet, along with The Lost Frontier, and I have yet to finish Jak X because it’s a game that requires more time to dedicate to(which I’ve recently not have had much of). So I’m going to have to say, Jak 3.

Now before anyone says anything, I don’t hate or dislike Jak 3, and I definitely don’t think it’s a bad game. I still enjoy picking it up and playing it. But it’s pretty obvious this game was made within a year, unlike the previous two games, with how shorter it is compared to Jak II, and some questionable writing decisions.

Despite this being the game where I enjoy it’s cutscenes the most, and I love the whole story surrounding Jak and Damas, there’s some stuff in the game’s story that’s either janky or it’s because I’m sure the developers didn’t have enough time.

For example, there’s this cutscene later on in the game where Sig is all, “Well fuck everybody in Haven City and their fight in some war they’re wasting their time on. You gotta watch your own back cause everyone fucked me over or something.” But then near the end of game he’s like suddenly helping Torn, Ashelin, and friends, with the war in Haven City. There’s no explanation or anything that would even hint why he may have eventually had a change of heart, or why he changed his mind in general. He just shows up and is suddenly helping in the war now.

Also, Jak II did much better in terms of story progression and build-up. In the previous game there was a gradual build up leading up to the climax, especially when the third act starts. There is a steady increase in tension as things are revealed and progress, until shit officially hits the fan with the Metal Heads infiltrating Haven City, and from there it doesn’t let off on the gas peddle.

In Jak 3 there is some build up with things like the Dark Makers coming to destroy the planet. But the climax just kind of happens when you get to the final areas of the game? I don’t exactly know how to describe it, but hopefully people get what I’m trying to convey.

Again, Jak 3 is not a bad game at all. But the things I just described in the game could have easily been ironed out if they were given at least one more year to work on it.

[goblinconceivable]

oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing.  (I can’t be the only one who does that...)  Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again.  And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there.  Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it.  Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first.  I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show.  Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.)  Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy.  Like, WTF was that about?  I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching.  First couple seasons: brilliant.  Downhill from there.  But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together.  One hot second and bam.***  Every.  Time.  Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least.  But these two, nope.  And know what?  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH.  I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one.  And Izzie got the short stick.  Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen.  There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.  

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.)  Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to.  She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle.  It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off.  In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character.  When did KH ask to be let out?  If it was after this point, Shonda svcks.  I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth.  Because he’s not really in a real relationship.  I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful.  Which is most of the time, so they gave me that.  I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.”  Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts.  Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie.  I love that he loves her the whole time.  But he’s willing to step back.  He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean.  But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows.  Izzie doesn’t make him.  She entices him.  Yeah, often directs him, especially at first.  But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily.  And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards.  He reaches out to her a lot.  And she turns him aside a lot.  And he keeps loving.  Even if romance is off the table.  He runs after her a lot.  Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot.  Is understanding a lot.  He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook.  Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct.  I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water.  (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker.  Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me.  Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny.  They’re all standing around.  No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her.  In a really caring way.  And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh?  (Mebbe?)  And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly.  And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie.  I don’t think he even wants to stop.  Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine.  But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged.  But also born.  Stars uncrossed.  I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was.  Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because...  it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be.  She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside.  She knows.  She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually.  Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her.  Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him.  And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.  

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her.  I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it.  She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him.  The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync.  And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s.  And those two things weave into each other.  Kinda like rats and the food button.  When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.”  So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again.  And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter.  And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care.  She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in.  But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair.  There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her.  She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues.  But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny.  Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her.   The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope.  Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA.  Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives.  And I do think female character’s side guys have a  habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life. 

 At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman:  yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying.  Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love.  BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted.  1) That he desperately wants a family.  2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy.  Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first.  And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change.  But we didn’t.  So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that.  Something taken slowly!  We got to explore it.  Did feel a bit drawn out tbh.  But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess.  Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others.  This was their development for the season.  Which was mostly Alex.  But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well.  Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment?  Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more.  Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands.  And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that.  It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.”  She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient.  She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly.  And she’s still in charge.  She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  You don’t have to carry this on your own.  We have it now.  Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden.  And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring.  She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve.  Stages of grief ya’ll.  He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca.  He’s in denial that anything is wrong.  He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.)  He dives into bargaining.  She’ll be okay if he can take care of her.  He can do it.  He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression.  Not just Rebecca, but about his mom.  And Izzie approaches him differently.  In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend.  An equal.  Which is what he needs right now.  His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid.  Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed.  But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically.  Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information.  Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand.  And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex.  I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything.  And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way.  Bargaining again, I suppose.  “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.”  But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died.  Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person.  And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca.  And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment.  Of understanding.  She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else.  Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that.  How to process that in a way that feels manly to him?  Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing.  And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him.  He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories.  But also... stages of grief.  He needs to feel it, so he can accept it.  He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love.  Take out the romantic/sexual aspect.  Take out the friendship.  The trust.  The family.  Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love.  And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care.  Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho.  It’s such a wonderful foil.  Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see.  He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.”  (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself.  He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable.  He let Izzie get too close.  He’s afraid.  It’s all a tangle.  And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards.  So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5.  And actually they start out close.  They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her.  He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial.  And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.”  And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either).  Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact.  They don’t talk about it, it’s fine.  Pretending it did not happen.  But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped.  It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same.  Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer.  Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind.  That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others.  Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim.  It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it.  And he does feel super close to her.  But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light.  For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation.  I’m a bit stuck and going in circles.  If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously?  Doesn’t understand him?  I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak?  Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t.  But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person.  Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff.  But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman.  Were those scenes meant to be inverted?  Or is he going into this eyes wide open?  Trying to prove something?  He’s hurting her though, is it intentional?  Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up.  But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape.  Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self?  They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off.  Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him.  She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly.  And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him.  Though her barb about STD did hit him.   Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could?  He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight.  It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did.  They are incredibly close.  And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening.  He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda.  Follows her out into the hall when she leaves.  The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right.  And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too.  “Okay, ... I”m trying to be-  I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is???  Trying to not be emotionally stunted.  Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation.  Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand.  Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her.  And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her.  And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts.  ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.”  And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.”   Dad calls for son while kinda dying.  I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot?  And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares.  With a hefty does of potential regret.  It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested.  His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.”  He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.”  Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough.  But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more.  And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time.  And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome.  *sobs*  And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window?  And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No.  Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there?  They always say yes.  Eventually.  And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things.  It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life.  In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building.  He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting.  And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing.  I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything.  But he’s also not lying.  He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle.  He’d stay with Jo then out of...  ?  Halp.  The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable.  Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life.  It’s all happiness of them individually, not together.  But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse?  No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.  

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs.  Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo.  Also exposition.  References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie.  It scared him because...  ?  He focuses on the kids.  It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her.  Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight.  Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins.  It’s a free pass to perfection.  But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever.  I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie.  But that’s kinda tenuous.  It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for.  Izzie would for Denny.  In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings.  So in a way she gave up her life for Alex.  And never reached out to him but did respond when he did.  She picked up the phone.  Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones.  And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids.  I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle.  And he’s become a man who does the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish.  He one perfect thing is in Kansas.  And it’s the family.  It’s a family with Izzie.  And his kids.  It’s the whole package.  If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough?  Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.”  But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.  

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is.  He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction.  He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive.  Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things.  She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.)  Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary.  And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her.  He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth.  Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them.  He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot.  Maybe it’s a Miranda thing?  After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her.  He doesn’t need her like that.  And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate.  But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to...  come back for him.  To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back.  I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.  

Interesting point “we married...”  It’s a promise.  He starts with “I’m sorry.”  His breakup speech to her - rehearsed?  He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie.  So his dying speech was also fear based?  He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock.  To when is his mind taking him?  It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup.  It’s been months but that’s still recent enough.  So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.”  They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t.  That hasn’t changed.  

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her.  A happy, rich and full life.  He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it.  Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo.  Maybe it’s contentment?  Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows?  Meh.  Back to frozen.  He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life.  It’s immersive but static, a snapshot.  And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.  

Letter to Meredith.  “It’s about me.”  Which is sorta back to breakup speech.  It was about him, ending the relationship.  He didn’t deserve to be left.  And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids.  There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love.  So I’m torn.  Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love.  Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not?  Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married?  Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right?  Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

[ick25]

What I think about Inuyasha’s writing.

I used  to be a huge Inuyasha fan because I watched it in my teen years (The Latin Spanish dub, not the English dub where I find their voices to be pretty annoying). I would stay awake until eleven o’ clock just to watch a new episode on Cartoon Network and sing along with the translated versions of the intros. My early submissions on Deviantart were fanarts of Inuyasha, I used to draw him like crazy, and the show is even one of my original comic’s main inspirations. So what happened?

I love Inuyasha’s character, but as I grew older, I started hating or not caring about the other characters of the show (Except for Sesshomaru, of course) and grew tired of the story because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere. Inuyasha has good writing, but the pacing and how sometimes you can’t really take it seriously ruins it for me.

I want to talk about this now since I just heard about the sequel that is gonna happen soon with Inuyasha’s Lina Inverse of a daughter and Sesshomaru’s very confused twin daughters, and I’m thinking to myself: “How is Rumiko gonna ruin this story even more”. Don’t get me wrong, the creator, Rumiko Takahashii, is a very talented manga artist and writer, and I respect her, at one point I even saw her as my heroine, but now I want to surpass her. 

How can Inuyasha, a story about a half demon, who falls in love with the reincarnation of his ex-girlfriend who can travel through time whenever she feels like it, has a hot demon brother that tried to kill him several times, wields a powerful magical sword forged from the fang of his deceased yet very famous demon father who I want to know more about, a dead human mother who may or may not have been a princess... Where was I going with this? o_o

As an aspiring storyteller/ animator, I want to talk about the problems with Inuyasha’s story, the things I love about it, as well as the bad things in it, and see why Inuyasha isn’t the writing masterpiece everyone likes to believe it is. And by the end, talking about what I would do to improve the story.

This is how I analyze Inuyasha. I never read the manga, so I’m gonna focus on the anime.

1. Inuyasha is a romantic comedy?

Rumiko Takashii is a successful manga artist and considered “The queen of anime”, because her art Style and humor have inspired many of the anime cliches we know today such as the nose bleeds shots, the beach episodes with fan service, and good o’l scenes where the girl calls a boy a pervert before comically sending them flying. She is the creator of another famous work called Ranma 1/2, an anime I used to love as a kid, but now...

I studied how to draw and create mangas and I have learned how to make a good story. After returning to Ranma recently, I have figured out the problem with Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashii’s style is repetitive. Rumiko is capable of writing a good plot and creating very good characters from time to time, but now many of her main characters feel very cliche. In her stories there is always gonna be a pervert, there is always gonna be a bad parent, a rivalry, crazy and or exaggerated situations, goofy looking characters, wise old men or women, beautiful female characters, Japanese or Chinese folklore, fighting, but most importantly, a girl with a love/hate relationship with a dumb, rowdy tsundere boy, where they argue so much that the girl ends up physically abusing the boy and the show passes it for something funny; and those are the ingredients for making a Rumiko Takahashii styled manga/anime.

Rumiko’s forte is in Romantic comedy, sometimes mixing different genres makes a story good and very realistic... If done right, which brings me to my next point.

2. Time travel just for fun.

What is Inuyasha about? It is about a half-demon teenage boy that has to partner with a teenage girl from the modern times, who accidentally travels through time via a magical well that has been in her family’s shinto shrine for generations, to find the shards of a powerful magical jewel that said girl accidentally shatters and scatters all over feudal Japan. This idea alone makes it a very interesting series, either for a book or a TV show.

What went wrong then? I believe the problem started around the third episode were it was shown that Kagome can easily go back to the present, have dinner with her family, take a bath, gather provisions, and even take her god damn bike with her to the past every time she wants without caring about creating a time paradox.

This is played for laughs because of the romantic comedy element, but if you do this in an show with action, deaths, and evil spirits wanting to take over the world, then that fact alone makes the entire story lose credibility, I mean, what is stopping Naraku or any other demon from finding a way to travel to the future through the well to take over a world where demons and magical powers are basically extinct? The fact that only Kagome AND Inuyasha are the only ones who can go through the well? How convenient!

If the time travel well was taken more seriously it could’ve lead to a much more interesting story, but apparently nobody cares about time travel and the effects it could have in the history of Japan. I think there were two instances that I recall from the anime (Before Inuyasha Second Act, because I already stopped caring about the show when it came out) where time travel was or could’ve been relevant; the episode about the man eating mask that had a Shikon shard for hundreds of years, and the second movie of Inuyasha where the whole group was immune to a time stopping spell because Kagome’s medical kit and necklace from the future created some kind of time barrier around them.

And nobody cared about any of those things afterwards! Not the fact that there could’ve been one extra shard, or that Naraku was present during the time barrier incident and never wondered about it. Both the episode and movie scene were just ways to have Inuyasha being the only one who can come to Kagome’s rescue because their love is the main focus. Speaking of love...

3. Frustrating love drama.

Part of Inuyasha’s tsundere personality comes from the fact that he had his heart broken by everyone’s favorite b***, Kikyo.

Kikyo was the young priestess who sealed Inuyasha in a tree for 50 years, at first it looked like the typical holy person trying to protect her village from a dangerous demon, but in reality, she was in a relationship with him and thought that Inuyasha tricked her so he could steal the Shikon jewel from her. This was because everyone’s favorite a**h*** , Naraku, shape-shifted into both of them to trick them into killing each other.

It’s easy to blame Naraku for this, but that actually shows how they didn’t really “love” each other because of how quickly they turned against the other. 

I take this as a cautionary tale for first love. Inuyasha was just infatuated with Kikyo because of her beauty and kindness towards him, and when someone falls in love for the first time they don’t think straight, they don’t know what a real relationship entails, and not knowing that is exactly what happened to these two.

There was a special episode in the anime where we see how Inuyasha and Kikyo met and fell in love, in it we get a scene where Kikyo told Inuyasha that she was gonna give him a gift, which was gonna be the subduing necklace that Kagome tends to abuse a lot, however, Inuyasha decided to give her a gift as well, his mother’s lip balm she left him after dying. A very sweet gesture, right? How does Kikyo react to this?

That’s not a look of love, that’s a look of pity. RECIPROCATE, WOMAN! HE OPENED HIS HEART TO YOU AND YOU JUST FEEL SORRY FOR HIM?!

She does end up changing her mind about the subduing charm, but before this, she didn’t saw him as a person, and she was considered a saint by everyone in the village, but I guess that feeding the poor, nursing people, and playing with children is alright as long as they are humans, that’s almost racist. I hate Shippo, but I bet she wouldn’t be so caring about him or his dad if she saw them.

Kikyo absolutely sucks as a romantic partner! She doesn’t express anything, she doesn’t talk about her feelings, she doesn’t show any emotion apart from anger and slight contentment, and based on what we saw after Naraku set them up, I believe she never told him ANYTHING about herself. Unlike Kagome who he got to know very well as a person, Inuyasha didn’t even questioned her motives for attacking him, he automatically assumed that she manipulated him the whole time, and ran to the village to get the Shikon Jewel.

Rumiko wanted to make Kikyo more relatable so we could feel sorry for her and pass Naraku as an evil monster who destroyed what could’ve been a beautiful relationship, by having Kikyo wanting to live life as a normal girl, but can’t because she is the only one who can keep the Shikon jewel from being corrupted, and ultimately falling in love with Inuyasha because he saw her as a normal person (Unlike her with him). Well, it didn’t work, at least not for me.

I did feel sympathy for Kikyo... When she was alive! The series had a witch bring her back to life in a body made out of clay and using part of Kagome’s soul because she is the reincarnation of Kikyo. Why do this? To create drama by adding a love triangle into this romantic comedy of a show.

Feels like Rumiko doesn’t understand how reincarnation works because I think Kagome would’ve died during that ritual, and I really doubt Kikyo would’ve become such a B just out of jealousy; she wanted to take Inuyasha to hell with her, and he was not even dead yet! If this Kikyo really loved him, she would’ve let him go on with his life instead of roaming Japan feeling sorry for herself, taking advantage of a situation to keep Kagome away from Inuyasha, and barely doing anything to stop Naraku which was supposed to be her main goal. All of this made Kikyo unlikable instead of a relatable character trying to fix her past mistakes before going back to the grave.

4. Inuyasha’s background.

Something I absolutely love from Inuyasha’s story is the fact that it is set during a historical time period in Japan but with magical elements incorporated since many of the Japanese myths and folklore originated during those dark times. I love the fact that since everything was so dark back then, people would often see things that weren’t really there and made up stories to explain certain phenomena or just to keep children from misbehaving.

Inuyasha is full of Japanese folktales and magical creatures, and it clearly took inspiration from “Journey to the west”, a classic Chinese novel that’s one of the best adventure/ fantasy stories of all time, and that’s also been the main inspiration for many mangas and animes; it’s one of my favorites too.

Inuyasha’s background is one of the most interesting ones I’ve ever seen, it’s something common in fairy tales and myths where a human falls in love with a being from a magical race, like fairies, mermaids, gods, or in Asian folklore’s case, spirits or demons. In Inuyasha’s case, his mother was a human named Izayoi who fell in love with a powerful dog demon named Toga who was known as Inu no taisho  (Dog general), animal spirits or demons can take human form, and the dog spirits are very common in Japanese folklore.

The third movie of Inuyasha shows us what Toga looked like before and how he died, and I’m actually more interested in how Inuyasha’s parents met more than his love triangle drama. In fact, Toga’s story sounds much more interesting because he was built up as this great demon lord who fought countless enemies, he was a gigantic dog monster that stopped a demon invasion from China, he could destroy multiple armies with one swing of a sword he forged from one of his fangs, he had disciples and loyal subjects, but he ultimately lost his status, he let his reputation be destroyed because he fell in love with a woman from a race that was considered inferior, and had a half demon child with her.

One of Inuyasha’s motivation’s (the main one being killing Naraku) is proving that he is stronger than his father who was a full demon, while Inuyasha himself is considered a weak half human who is unworthy of the tittle of being a descendant of Inu no taisho. Every time Inuyasha hears about a demon that his father couldn’t defeat in the past, he gets excited because, with the powerful sword his dad left him, he now has a chance to prove to everyone that he is not weak and that he is stronger than his father was.

Inuyasha never met his father because Toga died the very day he was born, so he was raised by his mother who died when he was still a child. His older brother, Sesshomaru, is a full demon that never really forgave his father for throwing his reputation away because of a human woman, and leaving him a magical sword that can also resurrect the dead instead of the one that can destroy numerous souls in one blow.

I’m not really sure, but I think the Sesshomaru from the beginning of the third movie looked like he was around Inuyasha’s age when Toga died.

Before:

After:

I like to think that’s the case.

Inuyasha’s background alone can hold up the entire series, as well as his tense relationship with his only living relative, however, the main focus is something else, something that I personally find very repetitive, boring, and even lame.

5. Is Naraku really worth it?

Note that I am not defending Naraku, he is unlikable, mainly because of all the bad things he’s done to the main characters, but the truth is that I don’t really hate him as much as I should, granted, he is a manipulative b*st**d and I don’t like him, but he is just evil for the sake of being evil in the story. If anything, I see him as pathetic.

Let’s see his main crimes: He cursed Miroku’s family, for some reason, killed Sango’s entire family by using her inexperience demon slayer little brother as a puppet, he basically conned Sesshomaru in hopes of killing Inuyasha, but most importantly, he is the reason Inuyasha and Kikyo broke up! :0

To me, Naraku is just a coward that likes to manipulate others for his own personal gain, he was born from a bandit named Onigumo who was burned in a fire after betraying the leader of his group of thieves so he could take his place, and allowed his bodied to be consumed by demons in order to get... Kikyo! The gross part is that Kikyo was like 15 at the time while he could easily be in his 20′s or 30′s. Kikyo, being a “saint”, found Onigumo’s burned body and nursed him in a cave, this ultimately made the bandit fall in love with her and allowed his body to be devoured by evil spirits in exchange for power, he was then reborn as Naraku who is basically a half demon like Inuyasha.

I heard that the manga didn’t really mentioned Naraku’s past life, but I think that’s for the best. Naraku became Inuyasha’s group’s ( and other characters’s) main target, but every single time they find him and think they got him cornered, he manages to escape in some way because of how much of a coward he really is. Because this happens over and over and over and over again in every season, it get’s tiresome and frustrating, to the point where I even ask myself: “Is this MF even worth it?!” Anyone would’ve just given up a long time ago. I liked it when they focused on fighting other demons and enemies with different motives, but after a while it was just Naraku, Naraku, Naraku!

At some point I even forgot what started this adventure in the first place, the Shikon Jewel shards that were accidentally shattered and scattered through out Japan! One shard alone can power up a demon, this idea alone makes it an interesting story, collect the shards before Japan is destroyed by overpowered demons and evil spirits, but no, turns out  Naraku is collecting the shards too to the point that he already has a nearly complete jewel, well, that saves a lot of time!

I know, killing Naraku will get rid of Miroku’s wind tunnel curse, free Sango’s undead brother from his control, and Sesshomaru and other demons wanting revenge because he tried to use them, but what’s really Inuyasha’s beef with Naraku? Is he just mad because Naraku showed him just how totally incompatible he was with Kikyo? That’s what pisses me the most, to be honest.

As for Kagome, she definitely has no reason to be there, Naraku is the main antagonist and yet, he is kinda indifferent to Kagome. I don’t remember seeing Naraku doing anything bad to her or her family living in modern times that can be accessed through a magical well where he could easily... You know what? I’m done here.

Conclusion.

Inuyasha’s story has so much potential and yet it doesn’t take itself too serious. As I mentioned before, Inuyasha is treated more as a romantic comedy than a fantastical adventure kind of story. there is so much dept to the world building, but when focusing only on Inuyasha and Kagome falling in love, nothing else seem to matter. This could’ve worked if it had better writing. A simple or silly premise for a story can work if it has clever writing, something that Inuyasha really needed at times.

I liked to be surprised with clever writing in movies and shows, but if it was up to me, I’d definitely change a few things.

1. If you want a serious story, make Kagome be stuck in feudal Japan until the shards of the Shikon Jewel are recovered, or if this has to stay, don’t make the the stakes in the adventure so dire, either its a fantastical journey with two teenagers falling in love as the main focus, or a very serious adventure where their love is the only thing that can save the day.

2. Make Inuyasha and kikyo just friends, the love drama is unnecessary, specially since kikyo has almost no personality what so ever, unless you re-write her entire character. Or make Inuyasha fall in love with Kikyo, but Kikyo doesn’t feel the same and just sees him as a good friend, that at least would create some drama instead of the jealous ex-girlfriend that wants to kill everyone because she lost her chance in life.

3. Get rid of Naraku, the ultimate villain troupe gets tired very quickly, specially in a very long show that takes like 8 seasons to end. Or at least write him better and not turn the show into an endless chase for just one guy, specially since the main goal is to collect the shards of the Shikon jewel to destroy it once and for all.

This is just my opinion of course, and if you like the show just the way it is, then that’s alright, but seeing things you like with a critical eye, makes you appreciate them even more.

[bolbianddolanhouse]

Book 3 FAQ!

Need to catch up? Heres all the previous FAQs 1 * 2 Heres the master post of all three books 1 * 2 * 3

Wow...you would think that with the whole pandemic that I’d get these chapters out faster. But alas this year got the best of me too. I’ve been a lil vulnerable in the tags with y’all and the check-in messages really touched me. So thank you very much to everyone that has checked up on me and enjoyed the chapters! I appreciate all of you :3 So lets roll out the questions!

Q: Who is Iwata based off? A: Iwata is based off my self-insert, which is also me. I know that sounds a lil narcissistic but it’s that real life reference that you’re a spitting image of your parent. Iwata was designed to look and act very similar to his mother based off that. What made him a little more original and not a copy of my self-insert is the tropes I added. I mirrored the trope of that of the relationship between Steven and his mom in Steven Universe; where he adored, then hated but then came to terms that he is not his mom but someone better. A whole journey of self-discovery and self-worth.

Q: The representation is amazing! How did you come up with these queer characters? A: Glad you liked them! Like I’ve said in previous FAQs and in the tags, all these characters were dreamt and I just build upon them in writing. So yes, most of my characters were created queer in my dreams but I make them more in depth by setting up how they discovered they’re queer. I did a bit of research on coming out stories and self-discovery epiphanies to have these characters more relatable so a fellow queer reader feels seen in a way. There’s already too much hetero works out there, I just want to gay it up in a respectful way. 

Q: The culture mixing is really good and consistent, how do you do it? A: For starters, I am latina. But the culture mixing stems from my knowledge about other cultures through language. I’ve been studying Japanese for almost a decade now and Chinese for about 4 years, so it’s no surprise that I’m referencing them in my work. Maybe what I depict isn’t what other half-Japanese half-Latinx families do, but it’s what I’d do if I started such a family. Plus there’s some overlap within those cultures and it makes it easy to put into writing.

Q: So. much. drama! Why is this book more dramatic than the previous two? A: Book 3 is were main on-going plot gets picked up more and shows signs of resolution. In book 2, it was to focus on not only Lili and the family dynamic but to remind the reader that life moved on with little resolve for the self-insert character. Iwata has a HUGE role in the resolution but in his own special way. And I’m not saying the answer is love...but it’s leaning there. 

Q: You reference specific food and snacks in this AU/ what are your favorite Cheetos? A: Like I said, I’m latina! Of course I write in the food of my home culture. Mainly the home cooked meals my mom would make for me and my siblings. It might not seem like much to the reader, but those simple meals add to the narrative of being home and traditions that help them embrace their mixed heritage. The reference of Cheetos are all over this AU because they’re my favorite hot chip. Naturally, my favorite Cheetos are the Hot con Límon with chamoy. 

Q: Love that there’s no canon character deaths in this book so far, but are there any major deaths planned? A: Just one but it’s not a tragic, hero fallen type death. It’s a natural death but it’s gonna be a tear jerker. That death won’t come until the WAY end of this AU, so I’m not gonna spoil anything yet.

Q: Can’t believe you predicted Dabi’s true identity. A: It was obvious tho. I didn’t really predict anything canon if you’re an anime only for BNHA. In this AU (without spoiling too much) there’s no Endeavor redemption and Dabi doesn’t cause that big drama on live TV. So if you’re an Endeavor hater like me, you’re gonna love what I have in store for them in the next book!

Q: I love Tenya being a dad and loving husband in this AU! Will we see more dad moments? A: Glad you like those snippets of dad Tenya! I love writing them for my own indulgence since there isn’t enough love for this character in the fandom. Plus I see a whole lot of consistent readers are Iida-stans and that makes me want to write more married fluff whenever I can.

Q: Beizu is best boi/Who is Beizu based off of? A: Beizu is the genius trope in this book. I made his character a more chill version of his mom but with that ‘who is my dad’ trope. Beizu is part of a trio that’s to mirror the agent trio of Ita, Jin and Mimi. The third member is yet to be revealed but they’re a BIG plot device in the coming book. But Beizu is one of my favorite OCs, maybe I’ll do a ranking of my OCs when everyone is introduced. 

Q: The villains and Hawks plot has me SHOOK! What’s going to happen to hero society when this case gets solved? A: Without spoiling it, the truth is going to expose the corrupt higher ups in hero society. The kids in the household has a part in taking down hero society as well but in their own, special way. Iwata has the biggest part in closing the case (but it’s spoiler if I say how), Lili and twins help tearing down minor things like education systems and laws. I will say though, the case gets resolved after the trio retires because Ita gets to return to America and found an heir to the company before they could draw to a conclusion. Which is a happy ending at the end of the storyline, no major deaths!

Q: Confirmed weddings? A: Yes :) because Lili and Iwata deserve good things and love. The twins have it easy in the coming book. Lili’s comes first and Iwata’s comes later than expected (can’t say why yet, gotta keep reading :3). I guess I can say that all of them get married but Lili’s and Iwata’s are the only queer ones. All the spouses that marry into the family take the Iida name, so Lili and Hanaka don’t change family names when they get married! Y’all already know those wedding chapters are gonna be lavish and take up most of the chapter, you’ll love them.

Q: But are the kids Joji stans? A: Oh jeez...they are the same way we like 80′s music. It’s pleasant to listen to but kinda cringe when you see your parents dance to it. I don’t really portray it, but the family digital library has all of Joji’s music in a playlist called ‘Sad hours Soundtrack’. If you ask Mr Muffins 2.0 who last listened to the playlist, they’ll snitch who and how many times it has been looped. That’s how Tenya knows who needs cheering up.

Q: I love the little references to their childhood, what else can you tell us about their pre-book childhood? A: As I said a few times in the tags, I cut a ton of stuff that isn’t relevant to the plot. Most of it was their childhood and how they manifested their quirks. Lili really liked to scream before she learned to talk, a very fast learner and at 3 years old got her engine quirk and later that year showed signs of a second quirk. Iwata was very quiet child, hardly cried or gets upset but latched on to mom a lot. His first words were in Spanish but struggled a bit with Japanese before entering kinder. Tensei was born first, then Hanaka followed 10 minutes later. Hanaka’s fire quirk manifested after the first breast feeding when she was getting burped by mom in the hospital. Mom likes to believe Tensei came out first to warn everybody that Hanaka can breathe fire. Tensei didn’t manifest his metal quirk until the age of 7, making him a very late bloomer. Though very different in personalities, Hanaka and Tensei get along and get very creative when it’s playtime. Up until the age of 5, mom would place Hanaka in kindling to get the BBQ grill or bonfire started. Hanaka has been known to randomly burst into flames as a baby, so Tensei had to sleep in a different crib for his safety. Tensei spent more time reading as a child because everyone was focused on managing Hanaka’s flames, thus making him a very studious boy.

Q: Not an AU question, but how are you doing?/ We don’t mind waiting for the chapters! Please take your time. A: I’ve been getting check ins and validation in my asks for the inconsistent schedule. Too many things came at me this year, both good and bad. I was doing well in speech and debate that I went to nationals and prepared myself for some serious competition, leaving no time to do chapters. Then I fell in and out of depressive episodes during lockdown where I’m from. In the summer my grandmother passed away from the virus in Mexico, then my beloved dog Mr Muffins passed away of old age. Those deaths hurt me and my family the most that I was having a hard time trying to cope plus trying to be responsible by adhering to CDC guidelines (I’m in the immune-comprised group). In my want to get over my grief, I trained and received my certificate in ordained ministry (yea I know that’s not the best first step, but I just needed to feel like I’ve achieved something being cooped up at home). I’ve very grateful that theres some readers that see the tags and check up on me. All your kind words gives me a little strength to write and finish every chapter at my pace.

Q: More art please? A: Yes :3 I have one coming up real soon! After the end of this book is where I’ll be releasing some art as a sort of place holder.

Q: Is the the estate drama eluding to the ending? A: Yup! And it will show up every now and then in the next book.

Q: This is a really good self insert AU! There’s complexity to your character and others...how do you write these interactions/relationships really close to actual ones? A: Thanks for the complement :3 When I first started this AU, I was in the middle of my semester of a creative writing course. Near the end of book 2 was when I finished the course work for it and by then you could see the progression in writing. ALSO, I’m a communications major as well! Writing these relationships and other social things were things that I remembered learning in my interpersonal communications class. I was a bit on fence on whether or not to start this AU because I didn’t think my writing skill was at all that good. With some encouragement from my classmates and friends, I pushed myself to write this whole AU out. I don’t plan on stopping until I finish the storyline, plus I hate leaving things unfinished.

And that wraps up this FAQ! Hopefully I got everyone’s questions since most were check-ins for me. But expect the last chapter for book 3 in the next few days. After Book 3, I’m going on a lil hiatus until the end of February. I have so many life events happening in the upcoming weeks that I’m gonna need time to recharge before resuming this AU. Y’all know I bounce back as promised, in the meantime, I have some art things queued to remind y’all that Book 4 is in the works. Only 2 more books to go! Thanks again for reading and I’ll talk you y’all again later in the tags~

-Love, Palma-sama

P.S. Heres the end of Book 3 for your connivence :3 other links are at the top of this post! 

[feuilly-cakes]

The Maze Runner (series) - review

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. My thoughts on the series as a whole is that it’s an alright one, and you’ll soon see why the praise isn’t higher there. I’ll go book by book with my thoughts on each, so you can know exactly the way my feelings progressed to this point.

Book 1: The Maze Runner - 5*

I gave this book a 5 star rating, but honestly it's been nearly 2 months since then and I'm still not sure on that rating. Ideally, 5 stars for me means I got so attached to the characters I cried or had some other emotion, but that didn't happen here. Instead, I got a fantastic plot with a ton of mystery and a lot of terror, all with amazing writing but uninteresting characters. I won't say they are flat characters, because they aren't, but I didn't really feel a connection with them. There is only so much you can relate to a character who has no history.

Thomas is obviously the main character and so we see everything from his perspective, and we do see his emotions, his personality, his struggle. He spends a good portion of the book confused, angry, sad, frustrated. He's not a flat, boring character by any means, but for some reason I just didn't feel that connection I usually do with main characters. Maybe it's a side effect of the third person limited narration, or maybe he just isn't a character I can relate to, but I wasn't really interested emotionally in his character. I didn't need to be really, because the plot more than made up for it.

When it comes to the plot, I found no faults. It was fast paced and had me asking questions the whole way through, and most of them even got answered. Most of the questions pertained to how the Maze worked; How was it so high up that the box rose for half an hour? What was really around The Cliff and how were they seeing stars below them? How did the walls move? Was it actually indoors or not and how would that even work anyway? I love when I’m constantly asking questions and coming up with theories while reading, and this book was one huge question mark. Just the memories plot alone had me on the edge of my seat, and I wanted to know more.

If you only read books for the characters and their personal arcs, this might be a bit weak on that for you. If you love a good mystery mixed in with a bit of horror and sci-fi elements, plus a dash of dystopia (which I’m sure will become a big dollop in the next book) then this is absolutely the best thing to read. It’s definitely a 5 star quality, just in my personal opinion not a 5 star emotion.

Book 2: The Scorch Trials - 3*

Honestly, this was not anywhere near as enjoyable as the first book. Technically speaking it was a well written book, but personally I didn’t find it great, simply okay - average. Enjoyable to an extent but irritating to a certain degree. I kept reading because I expected something to be answered but all I got was confused. After watching all the films and powering through the first book I genuinely expected so much more from this and I was let down.

It’s darker and more gory than the first book, with some shocking scenes that kept me going. I did appreciate all the dream flashbacks from Thomas that helped put together what exactly he had to do with the Maze. Outside of these dreams I just didn’t know what was going on half the time and I felt frustrated by it all. His backstory was legit the only reason I was interested at all. I didn’t really care where they were going or their journey, l just wanted to know about his missing memories.

I understand this one was to set up the world a bit more and go into character development, but this was the most mediocre of middle book syndrome books. I can honestly say here I preferred the film.

Book 3: The Death Cure - 4*

Oh boy with this one. I have a very immediate reaction with lots of spoilers here on my goodreads if anyone wants to see that, but I'll summarise with the good spoilery bits cut out.

Well, my brain hurts.

This book honestly started out kinda meh, with some interesting tidbits thrown in. Then it got less meh, but more disturbing. Whether all of it was really that bad or whether it was bad because of the real world parallels right now I do not know, but I got a little bit messed up by everything that happened in Denver. The worldbuilding became more relevant here, we learn more about the Flare, the way people are living alongside it and/or with it, and the way Cranks are really treated. We get to find out about The Purge too, which I'll leave as a lovely surprise for those of you who haven't yet read, but what happened and my loud opinions are through that goodreads link if you want entertainment.

And on that note, let's talk Teresa. Full disclosure, I went into this trilogy already loving the films, and I still stand by that love. The treatment of Teresa in those films, however, was abysmal, and to read her actual character arc, well, I was enraged. Her arc in these books is fantastic, and the way she grows and realises the consequences of her actions is actually realistic, especially after all the trauma of the trials. We barely even see her and yet we see most of her character arc in this book. Simply getting her memories back wouldn't make her forget all the horror and go back to Wicked, and the way it was all handled was super satisfying. It does all make me wonder if perhaps she knew about the Brain thing, though. I won't know until I read that prequel story so until then I'll just have to speculate [currently reading that, still don't know]. On a similar note the Chancellor Page storyline was bizarrely different, and I had a shock when we get to interact (?) with her in the capacity we did.

Chapter 56 can choke. I knew it was coming okay, yet it still made me feel like I was punched in the chest. Especially after the previous scenes where we see things happen with a certain character in a scary way.

I can't talk about the Brain thing. It's disturbing to think about and I will be repressing the memory of that whole section of the book as soon as I can. It also kicks off a series of horrifying imagery and tragic events that hurt my emotions. All I can really say is that it's a strong ending to a trilogy, and if you're here you probably got past the travesty that was The Scorch Trials so this book will be a breeze compared to that, just be wary of the medical horror and the horror in general, since it's pretty graphic.

You may notice I haven't discussed Thomas, and that is because I'm too messed up by the Brain thing. The medical horror plus his reaction to the knowledge of what was about to happen knocked me flat emotionally and I may never get past that in terms of these books. No one has ever mentioned the Brain thing in any fan space I've been in, and that's for a good reason. Just know Thomas grew on me slowly just in time to cause me great distress. That is all.

Book 4: The Kill Order - 4*

I kind of loved this book, but as a friend. It basically shows the story of the Flare virus' bad beginnings in the world, with flashbacks to the solar flares that caused all the initial devastation. It was one hell of a page turner. It read like it was just meant to be a film, if you know what I mean. It does stand alone if you don’t read the prologue.

I honestly wasn’t expecting to get quite so many tidbits of information about the actual Flares event itself; to be honest I was expecting this to be a typical zombie kind of story that starts after the beginning and ends before the end, but it actually starts at ground zero on day 1 of the Flare (outside of the control group that is). I thought it was horrifying and fascinating to see how quickly it mutates and the effects changes, and also how the characters react knowing that they’ve probably been exposed to it from the beginning. Seeing the inside of the mind of one the earliest Cranks as they become infected was amazingly interesting after seeing how Newt acted in the Death Cure when he got sick.

The flashbacks to the Solar Flares and its aftermath were just terrifying. The imagery was horrifying and the whole concept of sun flares and then massive floods of boiling hot water put me right on edge even though obviously they were alive at the start of the book. Something that massively surprised me as I read was that the Flare virus had only been around for 13 years before the start of The Maze Runner, and it only took the government 1 year after the solar flares to decide to kill off part of the population. No other dystopian I’ve read can top that level of evilness from governmental systems.

Aside from the horror aspect, I was also mightily confused and a bit amused-but-also-horrified at the cult. If you’ve read it you know. If you haven’t yet then you’ve got a storm coming let me tell you. Although we see in Death Cure that Cranks form mobs with a common purpose and of course they they lose their minds, I wasn’t at all expecting to see an actual cult just casually thrown in. It just adds to the madness of the story and actually fit right in among the other craziness of what went down.

My one question is: is DeeDee Teresa? (She was! It was implied in the next book.)

The reason I didn't rate this higher despite my enjoyment was that it just isn't a book I would reread. It's like an action film or horror film that you really enjoyed and appreciated but won't stick around for too long.

Book 5: The Fever Code: 3* on Goodreads, 2.5* in my heart

This one was a slog to get through. It goes over Thomas' life in Wicked, from the first few days to the day he goes into the maze. I didn't like it very much at all. My biggest problem was the torture of a 4 year old only a few pages in. It ruined the rest of the book for me. My second biggest problem is that we never learn Newt’s name. The betrayal of it all is astounding.

I’ve got to be honest, I was only pushing myself to read this because I wanted to know about the purge. It doesn’t happen until pretty late in the book and nearly everything before that is terribly boring. Everything after that happens pretty quickly.

I appreciated that we get added context to some things that happened in the main trilogy, however, some things that happen take away from the story in a bad way. Dr Paige is one example of this, where in the main trilogy she only appears in a positive context to save Thomas and the other immune, while in this she does some truly evil things behind the scenes unrelated to the context of the trials (or so she tells Thomas. We don’t know how much of that was truth and how much was intended as a Variable but either way it contradicts what we know of her in the Death Cure). The huge reveal at the ending regarding Teresa is also out of nowhere and seems contradictory to the main books. How much of her actions were planned and how much were real? Why would she lead the gladers to escape if she was as this book said she was? Was it a change of mind or was this particular aspect a retcon that wasn’t intended with the original books?

This one felt like an unnecessary addition to the series and I’m disappointed by how it turned out. I expected more and got less. If it hadn’t picked up in the last 150 pages this would’ve been a 2* simply for the disappointment that equalled that of The Scorch Trials. This may be a bit harsh but I do believe the books should have ended after The Kill Order, and the rest be left to the imagination.

To end on a semi-positive note: it turns out The Brain Thing was actually mentioned to them, but it's unclear if Teresa picked up on it, as we know Thomas didn't. It all came out at a very inopportune time while they were killing a crank who knew about it. The Brain Thing isn't positive at all, but I was very excited to learn if they had any inkling and that was sort of answered!

[ellynneversweet]

Ok, so I’ve finished Normal People and I have ... thoughts. Mostly about whether it succeeds or fails as a text, and what the relative metrics are by which success should be judged (it’s succeeded in getting me to think about it, for sure). This got long and a bit ranty, and does discuss the mental illness aspects of the book, so I’ve put it below the cut. Spoilers etc.

I haven’t watched the show or read any of Sally Rooney’s other books (book?) or reviews yet, because I wanted to get down what I took away from the book by itself, rather than what other people thought about it. I did see the headline of like, one review that seemed to think it was all about capitalism, which struck me as a significant stretch as a primary theme, but hey. My take was that it was primarily concerned with (many and various) degrees of mental illness and unwellness experienced by various characters, the causes and effects thereof, etc etc, and it’s really because of that that I don’t know whether or not I actually liked the book.

Ultimately I think my ambivalence comes comes down to how the narration is structured, and the way Rooney doesn’t at any point step in explicitly prompt the audience in one direction or another.

So what took me a hot minute to realise was that the book’s written in a very close third person narration, alternating between Connell and Marianne’s perspectives.The thing is, however, that this close third person isn’t immediately obvious, because Rooney subverts the whole ‘show don’t tell’ advice. There’s a lot of phrasing given as ‘she felt good’ ‘he felt anxious’ ‘then they had sex’ etc.  The most personal aspects of the plot are constantly elided with this flat, clinical, definitive language that sounds almost like a witness statement in a criminal case. That’s especially the case with Marianne, who disassociates a lot, and slightly less so with Connell, who’s anxious, but the flat description is pretty present throughout. There are moments when the narrative dips into describing sensation, but that seems to occur only with regards to things that are irrelevant and impersonal, like drinking a glass of (insert carbonated beverage here), or feeling the breeze from an air conditioner. The book is all about this very intimate, arguably co-dependant and unhealthy relationship between these two intermittently sexually involved characters, so the aforementioned flatness struck me as an odd choice initially.

However. There’s two things that this does. The first, and IMO more significant, is that is creates an illusion of the narrative voice as omniscient and impartial, rather than biased and unreliable as it actually is. The seeming authority of the definitive statements in the narrative is emphasised by the stock filler phrases that the each of the dual protagonists uses in direct dialogue, and which inevitably mean the opposite of what’s actually said — in the case of Marianne we get ‘okay’ (I disagree but I want this conversation to end) and ‘I don’t know’ (i believe this to be profoundly true but it makes me unhappy), and in the case of Connell we get ‘obviously’ (I’m not sure at all, what do you think?). So the upshot of this is that especially in the earlier parts of the novel the audience is led into thinking the description of a particular plot point is what objectively happened, rather than the biased viewpoint of one of two people who keep talking past each other (I’m thinking particularly of the part in which Connell moves home because he can’t make rent, and each of them was waiting for the other to propose his moving into her flat instead).

So it is really interesting on that level of language structure. I do feel that the section headings (‘two weeks later,’ ‘six months later,’ ‘five minutes later’) were a bit of a red herring — especially towards the climax of the book, when things became violent, I was frankly expecting it to take a schlocky turn towards one or both of the main characters being maimed or killed in a domestic violence and/or drunk driving accident, à la Jodi Piccoult.

It didn’t, which was a relief, but I didn’t subsequently find the ending satisfying, and I think that’s because the way that it ended — a breakup that’s not really a breakup, just a breather — felt like something that had occurred at least three or four times already in the text. It’s always tricky to write a satisfying ending when all the main characters are alive and young and (presumably) going to continue their lives. Why stop the narrative here, rather than there? I think for that sort of ending to work, a story does need to feel like it’s shifting into a different stage of the characters’ lives, one that can be inferred, however dimly, but is distinct enough from the part described in the text to form a natural break. This didn’t feel like a break from what had gone before. It felt like a groove in an emotional cycle that had already been repeated, that had been shown as being repeated, that gave every sign of being repeated again and again, forever and ever amen.

This leads into the part where I talk about what I didn’t like, fyi, and fair warning, mostly what I didn’t like was the characterisation of Marianne. Sorry if she’s your fave.

So Marianne gets the last word of the narrative, in which she thinks about how ‘they’ve [Marianne and Connell] been so good for each other’. And i would argue two things, which is that 1) unreliable narrator or not, this being the last part of the text gives weight to this being read as a true statement 2) this is, uh, pretty clearly not the case. Marianne’s still fundamentally the same, teetering on the edge of self-destruction, and Connell is still anxious (and being made more so by Marianne’s reaction to his small successes).

Now, neither character is perfect. They’re also not bad people -- but they are struggling people who use maladaptive coping strategies and don’t ever really appear to move past those.

At first glance, on a scale of quantifying unhappiness, Marianne gets the raw end of the stick. She’s a character who’s sympathetic and pitiable, because she starts out as the smart, bullied kid who turns out to have an abusive home life and who is brutally dumped by her first boyfriend. So far, so sad. Connell, by contrast, is much less upfront about the things that cause him trouble (although they’re very much there) and has the initial upper hand. Connell also comes off as much more self-aware than Marianne — the part where he’s lying on the floor in a post-shower depression slump reminds me of that piece that goes around tumblr occasionally, about lying on the floor sobbing about the state of the world, and simultaneously noticing that the last time you painted, you didn’t do a good job with the brushwork in the corner you’re looking at, and thinking about how you should re-do it once you finish crying.

But the thing I can’t get my head around with Marianne is how Rooney feels about her, and it boils down to this: what level of awareness and intentionality is Rooney operating at when writing about Marianne’s mental health arc? Does Rooney agree with Marianne’s self-assessment of herself as ‘better’ and ‘normal’ (ie still acting in more or less the same way as she did throughout the text, but no longer a subject of gossip) at the end of the book, or does she not?

As I mentioned, I haven’t seen the adaptation, but I’ve seen a gif or two, and what struck me as I was reading was that the way that Marianne is described as looking (and styled in the show) is reminiscent of the pop-culture caricature of Sylvia Plath — increasingly thin, indie-fashionista, bangs, statement lipstick, weird but precociously brilliant, magnetic, male muse and male victim, mentally ill in a way that is complex but always sexy and sexualised (of course she developed a cute, posh eating disorder that involved eating half an expensive sugary pastry and a sugarless black coffee every day. Of course she did).

Basically, what I want to know is, is Marianne someone Rooney wrote based on that image of Plath, or is Marianne someone cosplaying as that image of Plath, whom Rooney is consciously deconstructing?

See, I think writing Marianne as someone (possibly unintentionally) cosplaying Plath is interesting. The myth of the hot, damaged girl is pretty pervasive (Harley Quinn, the suicide girls, etc etc) and writing Marianne as a character who has legitimate issues that she has trouble facing, who then instead focuses her self-awareness into this trope of ‘acceptably damaged’ has potential. I feel like there’s an opportunity there to examine the line between struggling with a mental illness vs self-consciously performing that struggle in a way that’s socially acceptable, which is a topic that suits the period when the novel’s set.

Unfortunately though, I think Rooney is probably buying into that myth rather than  examining it, because the fact that no-one, in a book that starts in 2011 ever sits Marianne down and goes, ‘yes, I get that people have told you you’re mentally unwell as a tactic to bully you, and that was shitty, but you pretty clearly have a raging case of ptsd which is NOT YOUR FAULT, please accept some help’ — that is frankly hard to believe. Not Connell who seeks out therapy and takes some dubiously successful medication? Not Joanna, who is by all accounts well adjusted and who makes a point of caring in a friendship where she’s doing a lot the heavy lifting? Not Lorraine, parent of the decade? Not some random teacher or professor, looking out for an obviously promising student?  Really, no one?

Marianne is supposedly brilliant and a tireless researcher, but she apparently never becomes aware of the possibility that there might be ways to process her past experiences in a way that would allow her some measure of peace. Never wants it, even in the worst of times. Never ceases to wallow in her own unhappiness. And it’s relevant, I think, that in the period of the novel where Marianne is (kind of) happy, when she’s making a success of things at uni, the focus of the book is on how she’s making Connell jealous by dating an abusive man. The closes she comes to self-awareness is recognising her proclivity to seek out unhealthy relationships and decide to lean into that, in what is consistently the least unhealthy romantic relationship she has. That feels like a cop-out.

Like, I’m not suggesting that every story that features mental illness as a theme needs to show recovery. That’s, unfortunately, not always the case. Some people never get better. Some people can’t bring themselves to believe in the possibility of getting better. It’s not even the case that recovery is a straight line, when it happens. I know that. I’ve seen people I care about it struggle with a whole range of problems, I’ve struggled myself. But this felt like 13 Reasons Why for adults, like depression-porn, and I just...am a bit angry, I think, that I can’t tell if that was the intention, it that wasn’t the intention but was the outcome, or if that’s just my take and I’ve misread the thing entirely.

Obviously people can write whatever they want in fiction, but I do think that when you’re dealing with a topic that has impacted a lot of people, that’s been poorly handed in fiction in the past, you do have a responsibility to treat it sensitive and thoughtfully, and not glamorise something that is ultimately destructive under the guise of ‘this is interesting and cool, and a good way to treat yourself and others, actually.’ And I don’t know if that’s the case here.

[hgthephoenix]

Pictation Guesses

hello! here we go again folks...welcome to a whole new feud meta (meta, not meat, dammit autocorrect).

people, including myself, have been analyzing the pictures Keith draws, and it seems like there’s a lot of foreshadowing in those pictures, and in the episode as a whole...but after seeing a post somewhere about the meaning behind chopsticks (forgive me, i have no idea where it is 😭) i thought i’d look at the other words Lance guesses to see if they had a hidden meaning as well. 

at first i thought i was being ridiculous, and i thought i wouldn’t find anything in my search...surely they just picked random words for Lance to say. i mean, alligator? really? what can you possibly get from that? but there was also the other part of me that was screaming about how if the IMAGES had significance, why couldn’t the WORDS? after all, a lot of the time Keith’s drawings did not look at ALL like Lance’s guesses, so maybe, just maybe, the words they picked were deliberate.

yeah, no way in hell is that a thermos, Lance.

so with low expectations, i started to look up the words Lance says during the game...aannndddd i promptly went into shock when i started to see results that lined up. so here i am, probably spewing nonsense at you here, but i mean, i think this is QUITE INTERESTING, to say the least, i think there’s a lot of foreshadowing that can be pulled out of the words alone.

alright, without further ado...

Chicken

so aside from the bird, there’s another meaning to the word chicken: a coward...and i think that’s a pretty relevant, if ironic, word. 

the word “coward” reminds me a lot of episode 6, where they’re lost in space. there’s a lot of tension between them in that episode, and tensions between certain characters are brought to light. there’s even one line in the episode where the word “coward” is used specifically.

the word “chicken” potentially refers to this interaction between Keith and Hunk. Keith calls Hunk a coward, but Hunk is actually being the bravest of all of them in this moment. he’s standing up to Keith, unfazed by his hurtful words.

Hunk calls Lance, Keith, and Allura brave warriors, but in the moment, their roles are reversed. the three of them are the ones being cowardly, not Hunk. there’s a LOT of tension between them, and they need to resolve it in season 8. this post does a great job expanding on this theory. so i think the word chicken could refer to the three of them avoiding resolving the tension around each other, and could foreshadow more buildup before their relationships are ultimately resolved.

Lance then goes on to guess various versions of chickens in rapid succession:

what i noted about two of these terms is that they just screamed “male” at me. at first glance, it’s just three different birds, but i mean, a rooster is pretty much just a male chicken, and a chicken...with a beard? c’mon Lance, your gay is showing. XD

the third new term, hawk, was a bit more interesting. 

some of these terms seemed pretty relevant. “clear vision” and “strong connection with spirit” i can see referring to Keith’s strange power with quintessence. he’s able to literally see other people’s quintessence, and can sense it too. he definitely has some sort of spiritual connection that the others, save Allura, do not, and i have no doubt that this will be a part of the plot of s8.

whenever i see the word “focus,” i think of Shiro telling Keith “patience yields focus,” a phrase that’s extremely important to Keith’s character development. as for “taking the lead when the time is right,” this could apply to both Keith and Lance. both of them have stepped up into the leadership position, even if they doubted themselves initially. by the end of s7, they essentially split the role between them, and i think that this dynamic will continue into s8.

Chopsticks

this is the word that prompted me to make this post. yeah, no matter how you look at that drawing, there’s just...no way you can possibly get chopsticks out of it. so what’s the significance of chopsticks, particularly in Chinese culture?

reportedly (forgive me if this is off) the Chinese traditionally gave chopsticks most frequently to lovers, and chopsticks represent a pair. hmm. so Lance yelling ‘chopsticks’ at Keith, definitely seems to hint at something there...and then he even went on to yell “space chopsticks!” hmm who do we know who love each other and are in space???

moving on...

Dog

this one’s good. aside from the simple domesticated dog, like with “chicken,” there’s another definition to the word.

follow someone’s movements closely and persistently? “Don’t follow in his footsteps?” yeah, that’s definitely a kick at Lance following Keith everywhere (like a dog lol) after told explicitly not to by Iverson wayyyy back in the first episode of the show.  that’s also one of my favorite lines in the whole series, i mean, it’s so ironic. Lance is told not to follow Keith right at the beginning of the show, and then he proceeds to follow him without fail, they eventually become an unstoppable team together, and they co-lead Voltron...wow. this word definitely refers to the two of them always mirroring each other, which will no doubt continue into s8.

Pepperoni

um, how could there possibly be another meaning behind the word “pepperoni?” well, i looked up the simple definition, and:

pepperoni, quite simply, is red. it’s red, and has to do with fire and smoke, like the Red Lion (jesus christ am i really comparing a pizza topping to a mechanical space cat). i don’t there’s much else here except for the references to the Red Lion and it being the Guardian of Fire.

Alligator 

like with “hawk,” i looked up any potential meanings behind the animal, and here’s what i found.

again, a lot of this seems to relate directly to Keith and Lance. a huge part of the series was dedicated to Keith discovering his true self, he is definitely calm under pressure, and for sure has strength and power, more so than any of the other paladins. all of these words seems to refer to Keith’as arc: he has already done all of this. 

but it could also to refer to someone else who’s about to discover himself, the one person who still has a good chunk of his arc left. Lance is still finding his inner power, and this could foreshadow that happening in s8.

Cave/Windy Cave

quite literally, they end up in a cave in the next episode, and were in one two episodes prior as well. so this could definitely refer to that. 

but Keith, specifically, is the one who found the cave in episode 2, and he spent a good chunk of episode 5 racing around in one with Kosmo and Macidus...so what’s the significance of that? why so many references to caves and Keith?

well, the other definition for cave is a verb: to submit under pressure, frankly, to cave in.

who does that most often in the show? yep, Keith. he does this with Lance and Lance only. i actually made two posts about this (here) and (here) which expand on how he can never say no to Lance. Keith caves quite often to him, and he values Lance’s opinion immensely. 

and when you add the word “windy” to that, it just seems to apply to their relationship even more.

i’d say their relationship is definitely windy: they constantly run into bumps and again, there’s a lot of tension between them, as well as with Allura. in a way, the air is stormy between the three of them, especially with Lance and Keith, and this could foreshadow a climax before all of the problems in their relationship are resolved. this post foreshadows a fight between them in s8, something i could definitely see happening.

last but not least,

Thermos

okay, another weird one. but after looking this word up, i just. couldn’t. stop. laughing. like, just look at the origin of the word.

“HOT?” bigger, cooler, grizzled...seems like it fits right in jfsjdkfhsdlkhkl. seriously though, it could refer to that, but it could also be foreshadowing a moment that involves heat. like with pepperoni, thermoses are related to heat, and so is the Red Lion (the lion tied to both Lance and Keith). it could also foreshadow a moment between them and Red, or something else happening to any of the paladins related to fire or heat.

...and that’s a wrap. still think i’m going crazy? well, i hope you were at least a little intrigued by this. i feel like most of this is a stretch, but it’s certainly suspicious how these words are interconnected and seem all connect to the other common points of the feud: Keith and Lance’s relationship development, tension between them and Allura, Lance and Keith being future lovers, Keith and his quintessence powers, the Red Lion, etc. when s8 comes i will be looking for these connections, for sure.

[elliepassmore]

The Last Hope Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: sci-fi, space opera-esque stories, LGBTQ+ characters, multiple POVs, mythology, futuristic I liked The Last Hope more than The Raging Ones, though the plot was definitely stranger and more out-there than the first book. As much as I liked this one, I do feel the weird direction the plot took brought me out of the story somewhat and ate away at the suspension of belief that's so critical for stories like this. I suppose that if it had been set up in The Raging Ones I would've had less trouble with it, but from what I can tell, the main goal and reveals in this book belong almost 100% to this book. The reveals and goals that do connect across the two books are, I feel, not as big a deal as the ones that are not (that's not to say finding out why Mykal, Court, and Franny are linked or why humans are so rare isn't important, but considering everything else that occurs in this book, those things certainly take somewhat of a back burner). In this vein, there was also a comment at the end of the book re: Franny and Zimmer that I think would've made far more sense at the end of Raging than at the end of this one, as their relationship and interactions were more developed in the first book than in this one. Court is a lot nicer in this one, which is definite improvement from Raging. I don't know if it's because of how things played out at the end of the first book or his relationship with Mykal, but his attitude has had a wildly positive adjustment. One thing that was nice was that he included Mykal and Franny more in his planning and is more conscious of them and their feelings. A lot of the chapters in this one were from his POV and I enjoyed getting to dig into his head a little more and understand his motivations and feelings, as he was largely the 'push' character in Raging and in one of the major reveals he continues to be a push character. I also enjoyed learning more about Mykal, especially in light of the fact he meets his adoptive brother. We already know he's protective of Franny and Court, but it was an interesting dynamic to see him protective over his brother (who is the same age as him) while also attempting to connect his brother to their father and the Greenpale culture. Franny got less narration in this one than in the first one, though we see enough to get to know some of the other humans and to understand part of why she's so desperate for answers. She's still rather naive and there are times I question why she makes certain decisions (not necessarily bad or dumb, just curious why Ritchie went that direction), but I would say she's grown from who she was at the end of Raging. A new character, Stork, enters the picture and is the one to set them on the track of the baby. Stork gets a handful of narrative chapters (three, I believe) and turns out to be rather relevant at the end of the story, but for a rather large portion of it he acts as the trio's trainer and as a secret keeper. Because humans are endangered and the Saltarians are trying to hunt them down, and because Stork himself is an Influential raised by humans, he's rather desperate for the trio to agree to help him find the baby to hide the planet. In his narration, it's clear he feels somewhat guilty for hiding the trio's past from them, but his actions toward them in the beginning are mistrustful and catty (and sometimes downright childish). Despite this, he's a character you can't help but like the further into the story you get. Though, like Franny, I felt he held a rather minor role for someone who plays such a big part in the last big reveal. Gem, Kinden, and Zimmer all come back and become relevant sooner in the story than they did in the first one. All three, and Gem's older sister who was also in Raging but whom I have only slight memories of, come to find Franny, Court, and Mykal and agree to help them find the legendary baby. The sequences with all seven of them are very reminisce of the training for Saga, but for blending in on another planet instead of going into space. The lot of them are actually quite funny and are good characters to help move the story forward. Of course, being side-characters, they don't get off scotch-free, *SPOILER* Gem gets get an eye mauled and Zimmer dies, and that's after the humans make them test their loyalty by going to the brig for a hot minute *SPOILER END* but they seemed to integrate into leaving the Saltare system relatively well. Seeing Saltare-1 was super cool and fulfilled the wish I had at the end of Raging that we could see more of the other planets. Saltare-1 is a water planet, so we get to see Stork teach most of the Saga 7 to swim and then we get to see them all interact in a floating city surrounded by croc infested waters (I'm sure there's other stuff down there and there are probably safe areas, but we get to see a mutant crocodile, so that's what I'm mentioning). I liked seeing the differences between Saltare-3 and Saltare-1, especially in light of how certain cultural things were so similar, despite other obvious differences. It seems the Influentials and Fast Trackers each live in relatively the same way no matter which planet they're on. Plot wise...so it's a good concept. We already have Saltarians, endangered humans, giant spaceships, and links between people, what's a little teleportation, right? I don't even mind that the person who has the ability to teleport things is a baby or a different, it's whatever. As already mentioned, there's Saltarians and there's humans and then there's hints that there are other species, so the baby not being Saltarian or human isn't that huge of a deal. But it's parentage and 'home'...I have a bit of a problem with that. *SPOILER 1* Maybe I'm just being a huge stickler, but how, exactly, does the timeline for all of this work out? Furure!Court and Future!Stork send Zima back in time in hopes of creating a new timeline, which succeeds. But now that there's a new timeline where earth was saved...do they still send the Zima back? Do they need to? Has anyone considered that if they keep sending this baby back she will never grow older than 3? And that if they don't send her back, then they risk the future getting altered? Like...it's a mess, in my opinion, but again, I could be completely wrong about this and overthinking it. I also thought it a bit strange, though plot-convenient, future!Court and future!Stork to reveal that Zima is the daughter of *SPOILER 2* Stork and Franny *SPOILER 2 END. They wanted to find the parents and make sure taking Zima was okay, but at the same time, revealing the future to people in the past is generally a big no-no. *SPOILER 1 END* I still love the book and enjoyed the plot, but the last third was just very very weird.

[the-skooma-den]

threw together a couple headshots of Syke cause i wanted to do a proper profile of her, so anyone curious about the character i spend so much time ranting about and drawing thats gonna be under the read more

Part 2 here 

directory to all posts about her and her siblings are here

Real Name: Ava Aurelia Cassia Camoran Tharn Latona. she has an untold amount fake names and identities for a wide variety of purposes, Nowadays she mainly goes by Syke Ivywood, and thats what most of the Dominion knows her as (and is also her in game name)

Age: turned 28 right around when the main plot started. I assume years pass through the DLC’s, including one year where she does the mages and fighters guild quest as well as a bunch of quests.

Race: Imperial. Her father was a bosmer and she takes heavily after him. Her grandpas a Khajiit, which is only relevant here because her dad took heavily after his dad. Hence syke’s weirdly golden eyes and slightly to sharp teeth. 

Class: Nightblade, focus on siphoning magic

Personality: One might look at her usual scowl and her serious demeanor and assume she's the typical lone wolf edgy assassin, and they’re only really half wrong. She’s not a loner by choice,she doesn’t hate people really, shes just not great at interacting with people. Anyone who knows who she actually is tend to be scared of her (even other members of the brotherhood) and that's not great for ones self confidence. In a few words, she’s just awkward and extremely introverted. That being said she is kinda grumpy, but if an evil god stole your soul you would be to.

As for the series Demeanor, that really just her face. She’s just not a smiley person ya know? She just as an incredibly flat affect and it either takes really strong emotions or a lot of effort on her part to break it. She’s actually pretty damn nice, even if she doesn’t really “get” a lot of social norms.Being raised in a assassin cult worshiping the void can do that to a girl.

What also does not help the usual perception of her, is her Bad temper and very very low bullshit tolerance. She’s not hard to piss off and it can be explosive. Usually not the yelling and screaming explosive but the getting right up in your face out of nowhere and quietly informing you that if you say one more word she’ll individually break every bone in your hand type way.

She’s what her mother would kindly call “strong willed” and what everyone else would call debilitatingly stubborn . Keeping in mind this is a woman who was wronged by what is essentially the demon god king of domination and then decided “I’m going to kick his ass” and then did. For good or ill she rarely if ever gives up.

Due to the fact she is technically a noblewoman, she tends to be extremely private as well. The other Cyrodilic nobles know of her and her family, but just know them as the family that for the most part gave up their titles and have no intention of trying to get them back, they have no idea that theyre a whole family of assassin in the Dark brotherhood. That does not mean that they ignore her or her family as even if her family doesn’t want the titles the fact they exist can mess up others claims to the throne.Especially Ava who suffice to say has a pretty decent claim to several very important titles. This has lead her to take on a variety of different fake names and wearing different masks to avoid being recognized both in her daily life and in jobs for the brotherhood...at least at first.

As it turned out she's a natural actor with one hell of a flair for the dramatic. She may have issues interacting with people as herself, but she finds it easier when pretending to be someone else. She got so into it that she has whole characters that she pretends to be for all kinds of purposes, like say if she needs access to mages or fighters guild resources or if a particular job for the brotherhood calls to act as a maid for a little bit.

as for how the Dominion crew know her, well they actually come closer to knowing her then most. When Raz dragged her out of the ocean at Khenarthis roost she was so out of it she was barely able to come up with a fake name let alone a whole character, so they all end up genuinely knowing her as she truly is. Turns out she doesn’t mind that as much as she thought she would.

Backstory (before the main plot): She’s a third generation member of the Dark brotherhood, and most of her direct family (siblings, parents, aunt and one set of grandparents) are apart of it. Her grandmother, A Bosmer noble named Cassa, married an Imperial nobleman when she was pretty young. Cassa wanted to get out of Valenwood and her husband was looking for a way to rebel against his family and found it in a hot bosmer lady. They ended up having one kid together, Lara

A few years later Cassa ends up falling in with and getting pregnant by a khajiiti baker her husband hired, and her husband is not to happy about that to say the least.  He fires and sends the Khajiit away and Cassa is less then happy about that as well. She kills her husband and so convincingly makes it look like an accident that if the brotherhood hadn't already had a contract out on him no one would have ever known it was murder. 

So Cassa ends up joining the brotherhood after her second kid by the khajiit man was born. She never really connected with the bosmeri pantheon or the Green pact, and she ends up taking to Sithis real well. She also as soon as she was able went to find her love and they were married as soon as possible. They all lived in Valenwood for a number of years and both her kids grew up in the brotherhood as well. 

 Eventually the younger one son, Tanis, marries an Imperial woman,Livillia. Also a runaway noblewoman,her mother was friends with Cassa and she was seeking sanctuary with her. Livillia is specifically one of Abnur Tharns kids, who no longer wanted to deal with the Tharn family drama. 

They have a kid together (That is of course Ava). Tanis’s older sister and Cassa’s first child, Lara, has a one night stand with an Altmer and has her own kid who she names Ceryneian (or Nia for short). And they all live pretty happily for a while, as far as anyone knew the family was just a bunch of nobodies, rich nobodies who kept all hours but still just nobodies. They had for the most part completely abandoned all noble titles, even if the nobles weren’t done with them.

When Ava was about 10 years old her great aunt Cilvia tharn found out that Livillia was still alive. She was well aware that if she tried to do anything to Elsweyr Livillia would likely act against her. Livillia may be a member of the brotherhood, but she wasnt completely evil. Cilcvia sent assassins after Ava’s parents, they missed her but her parents were taken by surprise and sadly killed. None of her family felt right staying in valenwood anymore, So Lara took Ava in and moved to the Gold coast where she had spent her early childhood and had inherited some estate.  Her grandparents Moved to Elsweyr and both Ava and Nia would spend summers there as kids. 

So Ava ends up “officially” a member of the brotherhood ,after toddling around the sanctuaries her whole life, at about 15 years old, and was never prouder. Normally they wouldn’t have let someone so young in but once again, she had literally been toddling in sanctuaries, they figured it was fine.

On one of her first genuinely dangerous missions, to kill a necromancer in Northern Elsweyr (chaperoned by her grandma of course), she came across one of said necromancers future sacrifices. This sacrifice happened to be a 13 year old khajiit boy named Thera (later going by Jo’Thera)  with some odd fur patterns, and fuck man he was just a kid (granted shes only a couple years older then him) and Ava couldn’t just leave him there alone. Ava saved him and took her back to Anvil with her after she killed the necromancer as according to the kid, he didn’t have a family or anywhere to go. Lara hears the kids story and is just like…. Welp… guess i got a 3rd kid now.  (as Thera grows up if there's one thing he gets from his adopted family its a love for drama and dramatic irony. He takes to necromancy pretty quickly)

That peace continued for a few years until she was about 19. At 19 years old she got the offer to join the Psijic order, Not because she was particularly powerful or even all that good at magic (at the time of course, she gets much better later), but due to her lack of formal teaching she had her own odd way of casting and working with it that caught their attention. Basically imagine that she did a really complicated math problem wrong, but ended up with the right answer and somehow accidentally discovered a new much easier formula to that particular problem, she did the magic version of that and showed a lot of potential even outside of that.

Then she said no, she was happy in the brotherhood and her current life and she saw no reason to leave

When Ava was about 20 years old, Nia ran away because, well she wasn't as fond of the brotherhood as her mother or cousin, and its not exactly something you can just quit and walk away from. It broke the whole families heart of course but Ava took it particularly hard. She had considered her and had been referring to her as her sister even before her parents death

What really set it all off though was when Nia popped up again alive and well in Valenwood using the last name of their grandmothers family. She didn’t send them a message or anything, it just got to them by word of mouth because Nia had disowned them and been talking shit about them. After she ran away she went back down to Valenwood to claim the title that was rightfully hers, it turns out that she had found proof of her birthright and between that and her uncanny resemblance to her grandmother she barely had to be questioned. 

So Nia is in Valenwood with her relatives and had completely disowned the entire rest of her family. Her grandmother, Her mother and her (now deceased) Aunt and Uncle, and Ava and their brother as well. she never made any concrete statement as to why per say outside of “Not wanting to go down the same path as the rest of her family” which most people assumed meant completely abandoning their noble heritage and titles, not to mention their bosmeri heritage as well (which was partially true, but it was mostly about the whole murder cult thing). So yeah, Lara was heartbroken and Ava was pissed off to oblivion and back and Jo’thera....he was just hurt, but all decided that if that was where Nia wanted to be they weren’t going to drag her back.

At about 23 Ava met her first real significant other, A Dunmeri noble. It didnt go well for either of them really, lots of drugs, lots of unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of secrets. not a good time. 2 years later, The Dunmer actually proposes to Ava, and Ava not only says yes but Ava tells her everything about the brotherhood, her own noble status, all of it. The Dunmer seems okay with it at first, and admits she kinda suspected who Ava’s family was based on the little she spoke about it, The brotherhood was the real surprising part there. The knife in Ava’s stomach later that night Makes it clear what she thought about that. So it was a messier breakup then most.  

Ava doesnt like to speak much of the relationship, but it hurt her more then she lets on and makes her more nervous then ever to be in a real romantic relationship 

Well after that mess Ava threw herself back into the brotherhood hardcore and also into hardcore drugs and alcohol.for about 5 years. Over those 5 years between the Dunmer incident, a lot of self reflection, and all sorts of anxieties she’s an unstable mess. Like verge of a mental breakdown type of mess. 

When she was kidnapped and later sacrificed by the wormcult many who knew her assumed that she had offed herself for good. She was gone for long enough that even her own family started to assume the worst

[contrariancy]

liner notes for ‘reach’.

So, uh. When I write, whatever I write, I always keep a separate “notes” file with things like general plot points, timelines, stuff I’m debating putting in, cut things, and deleted/rewritten bits. And needless to say, the notes for reach got a little, well, long.

Some of the cut stuff I’m actually repurposing for an upcoming series (tentatively titled ‘iƒ’, based on branching points in ‘reach’), but even when I remove that, it’s a lot. So I figured I’d just dump them here and hopefully someone will find them interesting or what have you.

➤  this fic was how I coped with chapter 295; chapter 1 was written almost in its entirety before 296 came out. I acted cool on tumblr and twitter, but I was absolutely sweating bullets and fully prepared to write bizarre fix-it fic because I wanted it. After 296, I lost some steam, but I had a couple friends tell me they really liked the first chapter and thought it was a good concept. I’ve done enough "lost scene" fics that I wanted to try a new challenge and see if I could create an engaging AU fanfic.

Here is exactly what spawned this:

➤   there were a few rules I created for myself before I got started. The first one was that I couldn’t post anything until the fic was mostly done and once I started posting, that was a commitment to finish it. The second was minimal to no OCs — I had to bend this later with Bathin, but I compromised by making his power fear-based and having him take other forms.

The third rule was that any character introduced had to have some sort of role to play; they couldn’t be there just to "be there" and exist to boost up other characters. Zeal was the only character in it out of necessity, as Guila would have been written entirely differently if she didn’t have her brother with her. Even then, I tried to give him something that wasn’t "[X] in distress." I think the character that came closest to being that was Hendrickson, honestly.

➤ originally, Hendrickson was going to have a phone that he talked to and would have run into Dreyfus while exploring the city. I opted against this because I didn’t want to write any OCs in this and a phone counts. Also, it would be ten times more interesting to have him bounce off of Dreyfus instead of some phone that the reader does not care about. It was also important to me that Dreyfus get introduced as soon as possible, especially in a fic like this where the reader is being asked to accept something different from the top.

➤   Jericho and Howzer were not in the initial draft notes. Then I came up with the pair concept early on (after realizing there was a pattern with Guila-Zeal and Hendrickson-Dreyfus and I could play with that for the eventual Merlin reveal). Fraudrin was an actual character briefly before I decided that Fraudrin as a villain was kind of a tired thing; if I was going to write for him at this point, I would want to explore more of the shades of gray with his character, and this fic would not give me the time or leeway for that. So Howzer became Gil’s paired partner instead, also because I just wanted to write Howzer. Jericho offered the most opportunity for writing things, and I wanted to play her off of Hendrickson and Dreyfus.

➤   Merlin was always going to be the deus ex machina. Merlin was always a factor and always the only Sin I was going to put in. The only thing that changed is she went from sweeping in and completely taking out Bathin and Fixing Everything Ever to coming in for the assist at the end with her OP skills.

➤   Helbram is only in it because he was the first dead character I thought of as a potential partner for Zaratras. I wrote the first half of interlude 1 before anything else and I loved the odd couple pairing, so he stayed and became kind of essential. He’s also very fun to write for and I thought he would be an interesting contrast to the others.

➤   Bathin was going to originally be a straight up Fraudrin clone and just the entity Bathin using Fraudrin’s guise as a persona or whatever. Again, I decided Fraudrin as a villain was a tired thing at this point and having the villain just be Fraudrin again was a bit of a cop out, even if I really didn’t want to write any type of OC. Bathin is like Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist, later complete with Velvet Crowe from Berseria’s arm (which is. also Meliodas and Derieri and I went "oops oh well"). I liked the mental image of Margaret beating everyone up too, so that’s why that happened. It’s also because they’re the two figures in Hendrickson’s life that get possessed and Bathin poses as both of them.

Bathin was meant to be cruel but fun, like an animal that plays with its food. His downfall is his hubris! He thinks he’s on top — and it’s his world, why wouldn’t he think that? — so he doesn’t see anyone as a real threat. The unknown terrifies him though, and that’s why he was tearing his hair out over the 'interloper.' 

➤   ftr, Bathin is one of the many demons referenced in the Lesser Key of Solomon. I’d originally considered something else and even looked into a lot of Arthurian lore, but since Nakaba mines those for canon and I didn’t want to risk any overlap, I swerved in a different direction all together. 

➤   epilogue 1.0 is hot garbage, I started writing this before 296 came out and it was built on assumptions that thankfully turned out not to be true. I trashed it quickly and I like 2.0 much, much better. It’s embarrassingly bad though and this is why you edit, okay. Also, it focused solely on Hendrickson and Dreyfus when the fic did become an ensemble piece and therefore, the other characters deserved to get closure. Some of the sentence structure and imagery got cannibalized for the very last part of the new epilogue, though.

➤   most of the chapter titles stayed the same from the beginning; only chapter 5’s changed. It was originally "in which a good boy questions a demon’s fashion choices" which was a reference to Howzer switching sides and Bathin-as-Fraudrin stuff. Bathin shifted to chapter 6 entirely though, so it became less relevant. The placeholder title was 'in which lightning strikes twice’’ which is a reference to Gilthunder and Zaratras, but since Zaratras doesn’t actually fight in that one, it didn’t make sense.

Everything from here on is from my notes in my project file; the only things I’ve done are rearranged the order for clarity and expanded on shorthand, though there are a couple of italicized notes in parenthesis that I added in later. Some of it is pretty disjointed tbqh! I have a bad habit of not writing in order.

Like I said before, I do a notes file for pretty much anything I write, as it’s where I dump ideas so I don’t forget or move cut text to in case I decide I like the older version better later on (it’s happened). This one just got ridiculously large, so hopefully someone besides me gets a kick out of it.

General notes

Hendrickson wakes up in an apartment, everything is taken care of, wtf

maybe Zaratras has been there for a bit and they're like ARE WE DEAD?? and he's just all HA HA you better not be.

Zaratras is the guy who has just been there!! Forever!! He runs a bar.

Gil is from just before the Kingdom Infiltration arc, so he is just sad and tired all the time.

Howzer is from early and a good boy but also devoted to Dreyfraudrin so it’s like. ??? When he sees those two. He will bond with Hendrickson and this time it will be Hendy’s turn to be like hey. Come. It’s fine.

The ultimate goal with Gil and Howzer is basically attempting to make people whisper "who hurt you."

Merlin shows up in the end like hmm you were all pulled into a pocket dimension but don’t worry, you should be expelled right back into the timeline where you left. No big deal. Bye.

Helbram and Hendrickson kind of. They’re not OKAY but they realize they are both shitty people who were in an impossible situation. Helbram is the petty type, so he’s not really going to forgive him, but Hendrickson doesn’t need his forgiveness either. The two of them work together though because it’s the only way out

Helbram just dunks on Hendrickson constantly because of course he does

Guila is from the same period as Hendrickson and Dreyfus, but she has been there for months by the time they arrive. Zeal is there too because otherwise she’d destroy everyone and everything.

They come in pairs, from similar points in time?

Guila and Zeal are just before the holy war, around chapter 252. Team smartass gen z

Hendrickson and Dreyfus are post 266 / 285 or whatever. Team old man

Zaratras and Helbram are team post death. Team DEAD

Gil and super early bro Howzer who work for Dreyfraudrin. Team dumb boys

Jericho and Merlin. Merlin just lurks for ages, there should be hints about her from chapter 2 on then she’s like lol hi. Post 197 for Jericho, Merlin plays coy because who cares. After 197, Merlin senses Bathin and is like gimme. Team Jericho Broke Nothing

Bathin notes

It’s powered by a crystal that preys on their fears?? Hence Dreyfraudrin existing. Zaratras kind of knows what’s up because he can sense it, since the energy sort of started when he got there, the dude gained a form when Gil showed up, then power when Guila arrived and later Jericho, and now Hendy and Dreyfus sort of complete the collection. It’s their fears all manifested. Merlin has no impact on it though and actually weakened it because ha ha ha you think she has fears, that’s cute. (this shifted to Bathin’s true form being a crystal — I was trying to stick to my "no OC" rule.)

Beleth or Bathin, a fragment of the sangréal? <— too complicated, stick with Ars Goetia lore interpreted for nnt-land. (I think my plan here was some ancient artifact?? Like the sacred treasures. It got really complicated really fast which is no good.) Belialuin Bathinal

Bathin is a demon, its true form is the crystal, it feeds on fears and created the pocket dimension to try and regain a more viable physical form, the weakened state is why its legions are so weak.

But also Bathin feeds on fears and craves Hendrickson and the others’ fears of Fraudrin and everything, and when Bathin finally gets Hendy and is like aren’t you afraid?? He’s just. Yes. I am absolutely terrified. But because Dreyfus took the time to punch him in the heart repeatedly he’s not going to roll over, he has to keep going. Helbram also yells at him like HOW DARE YOU. YOU CAN’T. (This shifted to Jericho in chapter 5 so it could become a more solid arc in the end with the confrontation in 6. Helbram got his moment with Hendrickson and Guila instead and, later, his goodbye.)

Bathin appears like Dreyfraudrin and Margaret, so when they strike Fraudrin down and are like ok?? We good?? Margaret turns and cuts them?? You have until chapter 6 to decide. (it’s pretty obvious what I decided.)

Outline

Hendrickson is the perspective character. Only the interlude, which is Dreyfus-centric, isn’t. (The other two interludes were added as I was writing later on.)

Chapter 1: Hendrickson and Dreyfus and general scene setting. Chapter 2: They actually go around town, Guila and Jericho are super introduced, we get glimpses of Gil and Howzer and they kind of talk to the latter. Kind of. Chapter 3: They get to the bar where there’s a bartender that dresses like a mysterious knight, spooky scary etc etc. It’s Zaratras. Helbram is there, too. More on Gil, Howzer should be questioning. Hendrickson leaves Dreyfus at the bar, runs into Howzer on the way out. Interlude 1: Dreyfus figures out Hendrickson’s plan re: Ludociel. Interlude 2: Jericho and Guila on Helbram. Interlude 3: Howzer and Gilthunder. Chapter 4: The confrontation between Dreyfus and Hendrickson. Howzer crashes their place because of course he does. Chapter 5: The Dreyfraudrin chapter. Vs Gilthunder. Zeal will guide them; alluded to in chapter 3. Chapter 6: The source, Bathin, is revealed, Merlin shows herself. Epilogue: The end. "I’m going to make you see how wrong you are." —> this promise HAS to be fulfilled.

TIMELINE:

Five+ months — Zaratras and Helbram

Five months — Gilthunder and Howzer

Three months — Guila and Zeal

A week — Jericho and Merlin

~Days — Hendrickson and Dreyfus

Setting

Eighteenth Plaza — Bathin is the 18th Goetia. Based on Shibuya 109 on the outside.

Pub’s name — Wandering Knight, Silver Helm

Possible Combos - Shot Purge (Guila-Hendrickson) —> Holy Shot?

Flats are like a venus fly trap, lulling them into a false sense of security and complacency so Bathin can keep feeding off their fear?? Maybe it was and then Merlin showed up like lol hi.  (I dumped this because it overcomplicated things a lot; it just became very subtly and only partially implied in chapter 5 but ultimately not very important.)

Cut lines

Chapter Two: What the four of them manage to put together quickly — really, Guila and Hendrickson exchanging theories and ideas while Jericho and Dreyfus watch from across the booth in silent wonder, occasionally exchanging glances as if to say what is wrong with these two — is this: (I wish I could have kept the Jericho and Dreyfus bit, but it didn’t work. This was when they were in the booth, exchanging information.)

“Now hold on a minute, Gilthunder!” Dreyfus turns back to face him, squaring his shoulders. “This— this isn’t what you think! If it’s about M—”

It’s Hendrickson’s turn to yank Dreyfus back, hissing in his ear. “Don’t.” (I didn’t want to complicate it with Margaret. This was before I’d decided to have Bathin use Margaret as a guise as well, but I’d still cut it even if I knew.)

Chapter Five: “You should be.” Hendrickson counters, resting his hands on the back of the couch, leaning forward to look down at Helbram. “Because he brought you and Zaratras here before anyone else. It’s likely that he preys on the souls of the dead.” He pauses at that, glancing over at Guila who nods in agreement, before shifting his attention back to the fairy. “Even if we ‘get out,’ you can’t just live here. Bathin will continue to eat away at your very spirit.” (there are several logical flaws in this that got cleaned up in the final version, which reads very similarly.)

“That should be plenty of time.” Guila pats at Zeal’s shoulder lightly. “Some of us won’t even need that much time, certainly.” (The scene was dragging on for too long and this was ultimately unnecessary. I tend to be really wordy and not know when to stop a scene, so I cut a lot for the sake of flow later on or rework things.)

“Especially since this isn’t Dreyfus’s field of expertise.” (This was cut from the conversation Hendrickson had with Zaratras -- about strategy -- because frankly, it isn’t true and even if it was, Hendrickson wouldn’t say something like that. I cut a lot of stuff like this where it works for the plot but doesn’t track with the character. editing good!!)

The screech of tires can be heard in the distance.

“Ah, I believe they’ve managed to find a vehicle!” (god I really wanted to put Zaratras commenting on grand theft auto in this, even if it made no narrative sense.)

Chapter Six: “Huh?” Jericho gives her a confused look before looking back over her shoulder, where Bathin and Gilthunder were battling it out hand-to-sword. “Yeah, I just— this place is starting to fall apart.”

“Yes, it is, which is why we need to be careful. If you could provide a distraction—”

“Oh!” She snaps her fingers in response. “Yeah, okay, I can do that!” (Jericho was a bit too passive here and it was difficult to transition to the next beat. I reworked it in the final version.)

“Be careful. He’s using his weight as a weapon.” (This was somewhere in phase two of the Bathin fight. I was trying to set the character apart from other demons that they’ve fought, but this was too expository. Hopefully, the sentiment got across in description and whatnot and if not, uh. Oops.)

As he pulls away, flying off towards solid ground, the ice begins to audibly crack. Hendrickson stares up at it, almost resigned in a way. “So this is it,” he murmurs to himself, watching the cracks spider-web their way along the platform (I removed this and tweaked the final paragraph because it didn’t quite line up with Hendrickson’s character in this, especially given the turning point that comes only a paragraph or two later. That one line doesn’t line up with the rest of his arc in the entire fic; I was trying to make it obvious that the ice was cracking and wasn’t going to hold, but uh. This was not the way to do it.)

As an amicable silence falls between them — a far cry from the silence that lingered the last time he took this elevator up — (The transition in the elevator was hard.)

Gilthunder clenches a fist. “That’s exactly why I can’t forget. If I—” He swallows hard. (A lot of stuff gets cut because I start typing and can’t figure out where to go with it. It just didn’t work in the sequence and was too emotional for Gilthunder’s canon point.)

“By the way, have you seen Helbram?” (Zaratras was going to ask about Helbram as well, but that would have dragged the pacing down. Besides, I’d like to think that after their time together, Zaratras ‘gets’ Helbram on some level and knows he’d want to head out on his own terms.)

The orange hue fades into the black of the night, growing brighter and brighter with every passing moment, much like the world around them. And then, it reaches a point where it becomes blindingly bright, like a warmth washing over all of them at once. And then—

And then—  (Did you know that this was basically the same format I used to end the pentultimate section of another fic because I sure didn’t until I just so happened to reread it before posting this one. god. damnit.)

Epilogue:

“I’m getting better, right?”

Jericho looks over her shoulder at Hendrickson, then gestures at a small patch of ice in front of her. The druid glances between her and the patch, looking mildly uncertain. “It’s progress,” he admits after a moment.

“You should have seen it the other day, though!” She stomps her foot. “Sir Dreyfus told me I had a lot of potential. (This was originally how Jericho’s epilogue was going to start. It didn’t seem right for her though, especially given the ‘reset’ tone, so I cut it and started from scratch. This would potentially work if it was Dreyfus, but not Hendrickson.)

Detailed chapter breakdowns

Chapter 3: Helbram is disguised, Zaratras is in his armor, it’s a pub and they’re INCOGNITO ok. Helbram spills a drink on Hendrickson like an asshole before the reveal. They figure out that the bartender and server aren’t on the same “script” as the NPCs.

CHAPTER 4 ends with them meeting up with Guila and Jericho, Guila is like this is Bathin, the Eighteenth Duke of the Demon Realm.

CHAPTER 5 is the big planning chapter + infiltrating and fighting Gilthunder. At the end, Bathin’s legions converge on Eighteenth Plaza and Dreyfus stays behind to stop them. Zaratras helps, brothers!! They can have a sad scene with Hendy.

CHAPTER 6 will have a big fight scene in it, this needs to be carefully blocked and mapped out. (narrator voice: it was not carefully blocked and mapped out.)

THE PLAYERS

Bathin — via Dreyfraudrin and Margaret. A lot of darkness, demon powers, fear manipulation. Teleportation? Dreyfraudrin has strength, Margaret has Velvet Crowe-esque hand bs? Dark tendrils, like a cat’s tail.

Hendrickson — Purge, Acid. Purge can weaken Bathin’s power. Dreyfus — Break, Full Size. Full Size might be too much for the building. Dreyfus and Zaratras could hold off Bathin’s legions? Guila — Explosion. Combo with Hendrickson at one point. Jericho — Ice Fang. Someone can get thrown out the elevator at some point and Jericho uses ice to extend a platform and keep them from falling. Eventually uses ice to root Bathin in place so she can PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!! Howzer — Tempest. Gilthunder — Thunderbolt. Short circuits the electronics? Helbram — plays his part disguised as Gil to get everyone in, fucks off partway through. Returns to yell at idiots. (This plan was too complicated; what I settled on works better character-wise and narratively speaking.) Zaratras — Great Thunder. Works with Dreyfus to hold off Bathin’s THIRTY DEMON LEGIONS so the others can take him.

Merlin — Infinity. She needs Bathin to be weakened and have his guard down to strike, which is why she slinks in the background and waits. Probably steps in after they’ve done that but Bathin is like YOU FOOLS!! Etc etc. Uses infinity to keep the Holy Shot effect goin’ (see above notes about Merlin)

THE SETTING

Top floor of Eighteenth Plaza. There’s the massive office, the long hallway, and the elevator. This is the main area for Bathin.

In the lobby, Zaratras and Dreyfus will take on Bathin’s legions of demons after freeing Gilthunder from his influence.

Guila and Hendrickson get thrown out the glass elevator window, Jericho creates an ice shelf that they cling to, Howzer and Gil work on keeping Bathin busy while Helbram flies out and grabs Guila at Hendrickson’s urging. Hendrickson falls.

Small brief flashback to super young Hendy and Jenna? A call back to being shown how wrong he is. Jenna’s just like LOOK YOU’LL BE FINE, YOU NEVER LIKED IT HERE ANYWAY!! Gosh you’re such a dour kid sometimes, geez, but don’t worry, someone’ll show you how wrong you are someday.

Full Size Dreyfus catches him because gratuitous yes.

Bathin is unfair but so is Merlin.

. . . and that’s it! Hopefully that was interesting to someone and if not, uh. I’m very sorry. Thank you for reading!  🙏

[thesinglesjukebox]

DEMPAGUMI.INC - PRECIOUS SUMMER [6.62] When we last covered them, it was 4 years ago and they had 2 fewer members. We got a lot of catching up to do.

Taylor Alatorre: This sounds like someone hired a group to do the opening theme for the next YuruYuri OVA but they were deemed to be too fast and too loud, so they decided to get even faster and louder as revenge. It's cosmically hilarious that anime openings are one of the places where the insurgent spirit of punk rock remains most vibrant, albeit filtered through happy hardcore and caked in moe sensibilities. Dempagumi themselves have a mixed record when it comes to anime songs, with "Punch Line!" being weighed down by panty-related punnery that's unfortunately quite relevant to the plot. Here, with no media property attached, they're free to chase the wildest, most high-velocity sounds possible, and the listener is free to imagine whatever cute and wacky scenarios they want. The yearning power pop outro is the meaning of the song's title belatedly coming into view: that those carefree summer days are indeed precious and cannot be made to last forever, no matter what BPM you charge at them with. It makes the preceding thrill ride all the more worthwhile. [9]

Katie Gill: Initially, I was ABSOLUTELY confused because I didn't realize that "DDR song from the early 2000s mixed with that one song I can never full combo in Love Live" was a genre. And yet it is! "Precious Summer" is an example of a denpa song, a song characterized by traits like off-key vocals, an intensely over the top tune, and a generally 'weird' or 'out of touch' feel. "Precious Summer" succeeds in that regard: this song does not stop. It makes me feel like I have a caffeine buzz just by listening to it. And despite the very real people performing this, "Precious Summer" sounds amazingly fake. The vocal manipulation borders on the uncanny at times, more Vocaloid than actual person. But that's possibly the point. This is a long-winded way to say that initially I was completely baffled by this song, and now...I'm still completely baffled. But at least now I know that it's a 'this is probably not a genre for me' sort of thing. [5]

John Seroff: Combo after combo.... look at all those combos! I'm very glad this kind of frenetic jpop denpa nerdmetal exists and, in proper dosages, I've been known to indulge. It's just that when I go one toke over the line (say, past that third repeat), I feel like I'm gonna hyperventilate and die. Helluva drug! [6]

Iain Mew: One of those bits of fantastic music writing which has stuck in my brain forever is MG's groovesnjams description of Girls' Generation's "I Got a Boy" as an arcade machine attract reel. The first couple of minutes of "Precious Summer" is more like someone impatiently hammering through the game's lavish menus, intense cues piling on top of each other as they're not even given the chance to play out before the next one slices in. After that it stays exactly as ultra-demonstrative but slightly less ultra-fast, which is as close as a concession to the reasonable as you get with them. [7]

Ryo Miyauchi: The frantic electronic beat of "Precious Summer" turns up the speed by 1000% with saturated colors bleeding as if to signify the effects from the beating sun. The line distribution moves back and forth just as intense, enough to inspire some motion sickness. It's more or less what you'd expect from a Dempagumi single cashing in on the season. While the group delivers exactly what's called for, if you're familiar with Dempa, you know you don't necessarily have to wait until summertime to enjoy this kind of music from them. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: It's been a little while since I last checked in with the frenetic and eternally glitching Dempagumi.inc, and it was welcome and faintly disappointing to hear how familiar "Precious Summer" is. Welcome, because there is still so much glee in this act's overclocked call-and-response shouting and jump-cut arrangements. But listening to Dempagumi should be an off-kilter experience, one in which the horizon has not only been lost, it might have been rendered entirely unlocatable, and this song traces its shifts in pace and tone in ways that propose the confusion is a recurring set of convoluted compartments bolted together rather than ever-replenishing chaos. Still, fitting for a tune with a title Joyce Manor could borrow, "Precious Summer" is the nearest this band has come to pop-punk, and that's a good fit for them; the counter-melody on the outro could have been sung by Tom DeLonge on a Blink-182 track in 2001. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: There's a lot of innate energy in a colorful denpa song like this, but the longer it goes on, the more that any and all excitement is squeezed out. While the normalization of these ostensibly disparate elements is fine, it reveals how "Precious Summer" could use stronger songwriting to compliment all the accouterments. The vocal melody that graces the outro almost convinces me that the rest was worthwhile. [5]

Rebecca A. Gowns: I know next to nothing about J-pop, so I usually abstain from writing about it. This time, the video intrigued me, resurfacing fuzzy memories of watching Lucky Star and K-On during a lazy summer 10 years ago. The association isn't random, as it looks like Dempagumi.inc's whole thing is being a group of otaku girls who got together to try and make it as an idol group. Musically, it reminds me of those shows' openings: plucky girls singing rapidly, stream-of-consciousness, shouting interjections, quirky and cute in an extremely conscious way. Wikipedia tells me that Dempagumi's music is not just idol music, it's also denpa, which I haven't seen other writers reference here before. Suddenly the anime theme songs and Dempagumi's songs are outlined with a more cohesive thread -- this is the sound of electromagnetic waves infiltrating your brain. Now I get it. This performance is exactly what you dream about after watching too many episodes of "Lucky Star" on a hot summer day. The memory comes to me more clearly now, and I appreciate this song for what it evokes; that feeling of being a young girl with in the throes of a sticky, depressed mania, and grabbing onto cute pop culture and happy make-believe as if it was a life preserver. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[loreweaver-universe]

Y’know, today I feel like talking about Disgaea, specifically my problems with Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance.

Spoilers for Disgaea 1, 2, 5, and Makai Kingdom, I guess.

So, first off, let’s talk about...

The Narrative.

Disgaea 5 tells the tale of edgelord Squall Leonhart wannabe Killia, a former asshole who got redeemed by falling in love with the daughter of the only demon to ever give him a proper ass-thrashing, who spent his time teaching Killia how to find inner peace blah blah blah it’s actually pretty bland.  Killia speaks in a constant monotone, half-heartedly tries to get his rapidly accumulating party of Overlord-level demon pals to leave him the hell alone, and is generally just really goddamn boring.  It’s not to say this kind of character can’t be interesting--in fact, I name-dropped Squall earlier, and until Final Fantasy VIII went completely off the rails in the second disc he was a legitimately nuanced character and I was interested in seeing where he went.  Here’s the problem with all that, though:

The Disgaea series is a parody.

Now, full disclaimer--I’ve only played Disgaea 1, 2, 5, and Makai Kingdom.  I have Disgaea 3 and 4, but I haven’t been able to secure a PS3 to play them on yet, so I’m leaving those out of the discussion (though from what I’m aware those are parodies as well.)  However, of the four games I have played, Disgaea 5 stands out as being the only one of them to really take itself seriously.

Well, 2 did as well to a certain extent, but other than the looming issue of “we’re trying to off your evil dad, Rozalin,” Disgaea 2 takes itself about as seriously as Disgaea 1 did, and Disgaea 1 is a farce.

A beautiful, glorious, hilarious, one hundred percent intentional farce.

Laharl is a ridiculous creature.  He’s petty, narcissistic, and childish, and while there are serious story beats (Etna being blackmailed, that asshole Angel stealing Flonne’s protective pendant, etc) Laharl never stops mocking his foes, his friends, and the genre itself.  Disgaea 1, in short, is taking the piss, parodying the most ridiculous parts of anime and JRPGs (and, hell, American raygun gothic) with delightful glee...which is why, when things turn deadly fucking serious in the final chapter, it’s so goddamn heart-wrenching and effective.  That slow burn of Laharl growing to care about Flonne enough that he tears the Heavenly Host several new assholes to try to save her from their judgment (and, even in the best ending, has to talk himself down from murdering the head angel in cold blood because she wouldn’t have wanted him to take revenge for her sake) is one of the most effective tonal twists in the history of media, in my opinion: all of a sudden, it’s not funny anymore.

While Disgaea 1 lampooned the genre as a whole, Disgaea 2 takes a different tack, and lampoons common anime/JRPG character archetypes.  The hot-blooded, idiotically honorable melee fighter; the spoiled rich brat of a princess; the annoyingly perverted goblin of a third wheel (and, ugh, I wish that archetype would die already), the plucky little kids who are the least innocent characters in the whole crew other than the aforementioned perv goblin, on and on and on.  The goal may be serious, but the characters are almost as silly as they were in Disgaea 1, and I actually think 2 manages an even better balance of humor and compelling storytelling than 1, because not only is the romance between Adell and Rozalin natural, enjoyable, and endearing, the dramatic beats come along without undermining the sheer silliness of our protagonists until it can have the most impact.  There’s a moment in one of the later chapters where Laharl from the first game appears without warning, pissed off, heavily geared, and more than a thousand levels your superior.

(Yes, I said a THOUSAND levels.  For those of you in the audience who aren’t familiar with the series, the level cap is 9999, and you can reset a character to level 1, storing attained levels for bonus stats.  I’ll be talking about the grind later, don’t you worry.)

The encounter with Laharl accomplishes several things over the course of the two fights with him: it delivers a joyful reunion with the protagonist of the first game, which turns to terror when you see his stats, which turns to horror as you send your team into the meat grinder to die helplessly...and then it shows us that something is frighteningly wrong with Rozalin as she is seemingly possessed and tears this impossible foe apart effortlessly.  From there the story really kicks into high gear, and like Disgaea 1, transitions into a deadly serious final assault on Zenon’s stronghold, but unlike Disgaea 1 it’s not a shocking swerve in tone--the story’s been building to this over time, gradually reconstructing the genre it gleefully tore to pieces over the previous game and a half.

Makai Kingdom is a very different affair, and can actually be most closely contrasted with Disgaea 5.  In the Disgaeaverse, an “Overlord” is a very powerful demon who rules a pocket dimension called a “Netherworld.”  Laharl’s an Overlord, for example.  Makai Kingdom deals with a set of protagonists on a whole other level of power; these are the Overlords that other Overlords view as gods, and they essentially sit around on their asses playing card games and throwing popcorn at their TV.

I think you can see where I’m going with this.

Makai Kingdom is a return to Disgaea 1′s attitude--relentless silliness, mockery of itself, with a sharp turn at the end.  Whether it accomplishes this goal as well as Disgaea 1 isn’t all that relevant, but it is something we can compare to Disgaea 5.

Disgaea 5 starts off similarly--hideously powerful Overlord-level demons gather together, but the characters are...not exactly dour, but played straight, I guess.  There’s no parody, no lampooning; it’s very stock JRPG comedy (and “comedy”), with dramatic tension, a serious approach to its story and antagonists, and predictable story beats obvious to anyone who’s ever seen a mediocre anime or played a mediocre JRPG.  Hell, the main villain’s name is Void Dark, and not a single character makes fun of that!  There are some interesting designs, and I actually think Majorita is a compelling villain for Usalia, who I likewise enjoy immensely, but the story abandons almost everything that made the previous games’ plots entertaining.  Topple an empire, murder some baddies, get your homes back, save your dead love from the creepy brother with the incestuous undertones.  That’s it.  That’s all.  As a story structure, it works just fine, and as evidenced by my love for the rest of the series I absolutely think challenging established conventions is a good thing, but it doesn’t do so successfully enough that it stands out as a worthy entry in the series.  Where it does shine is in improvements to gameplay quality-of-life and beautiful animation, which brings me to...

The Gameplay.

Disgaea 5 improves the UI, adds all sorts of neat little quirks to character customization, and improves game control substantially.  It adds extra ways to gain stat points (like I said before, character levels cap at 9999 and can be stored for stat bonuses--this game also allows you to train stats for stat points via minigames) and is just generally more in-depth than its predecessors...at the cost of being stupidly easy to grind out.

Yes, I think an easier grind is a bad thing.  Let me explain: I have over ten thousand hours in Disgaea 2 alone over the last twelve years.  I picked the first two games up when Disgaea 2 was brand new, and have beaten the game dozens of times in the intervening span.  Most recently, about five years ago, I created a save file on the PSP port of the game, and I spend idle trips or the time I’m falling asleep grinding it out as kind of an idle game.

Literally everything you do in a Disgaea game gets you experience for something.  Weapon mastery, skill exp, character exp, you name it.  Hell, you can run randomized dungeons inside your items to level those up, too.  It’s incredibly satisfying and makes for a constant sense of progression--even if you don’t level up in a fight you’ve still gotten experience points for the skills and weapons you’ve used, making it stronger, more effective, etc.  My personal goal is to, eventually, have one of every character class maxed out on stored levels and every skill and weapon proficiency in the game, which is a deliberately impossible task because it’s just so much fun to chase it forever.

Here’s the other thing: the Disgaea series, due to the ludicrous level cap, is known for its absurdly deep pool of ever-stronger bonus bosses, stretching, yes, all the way up to the level cap.  The hunt for those is likewise extremely satisfying, and takes quite a while, especially since the campaign usually caps out at around levels 70-90.

With all this in mind, imagine my dismay when I realized I was blowing through skill and weapon exp and hitting the caps on everything in a tiny percentage of the time I was expecting.  To be fair, there is a “Cheat Shop” NPC who can adjust the EXP you gain up and down, which is neat, but I have to crank it down to literally single-digit percentages of normal to get the same amount of chase-time out of it.  This is not to say that the game should be inaccessibly grindy; in fact, Disgaea 1 and 2 aren’t.  The story campaigns in those games are perfectly completable with the normal skill progression and a small but admittedly grindy amount of extra leveling in unlocked areas.  It’s all the extreme bonus content that’s gated behind the postgame grind, and the huge ceiling on skill levels and weapon proficiencies means you’re constantly rising in power and challenging new heights.  I think that’s a fantastic reward for being dedicated to the game!  And Disgaea 5 in its default state takes that away.  I had a character capped out on all proficiencies, subclasses, and aptitudes within my first hundred hours of the game.

It was...disappointing, I guess.  All around, mostly; for every step forward it took, it also took a step back.  Ultimately, the story takes a backseat to my points about the grind, because the campaign in any Disgaeaverse game is literally about 2% of the game’s content.  Disgaea 5 took my grind from me, and that’s why I’m salty enough to have just spent an hour typing up a book report on its failings, I guess.

[thedegenerateasexual]

top 10 teen wolf episodes as rated by me i guess

IN the order from most to least favorite, and i did not include any 6B ones because it isn’t fair for me to use those when the season isn’t finished yet. (EDIT: season is now finished and while none of the 6B episodes made the ranking i did adjust the honorable mentions accordingly.) this is long & i had fun making it

3.19 Letharia Vulpina: ok ok so just like Everyone Knew I Would i did pick this one because of all the prime derek/chris material—that all-important moment where they had their claws and gun trained on each other, being handcuffed to a bench together, derek saving chris’s life despite insisting he wasn’t gonna—BUT there’s literally not a single second of this episode i don’t love. we open with deaton being a total badass and scaring the shit out of some yakuza dudes, then KIRA gets to be a badass, and then there’s a small scott/allison/isaac moment when he’s all laid up (which was my ot3 for a little while in 3A…don’t judge), allison gets to threaten peter with a stun baton on her girlfriend lydia’s behalf, and that doesn’t even BEGIN to get into the absolute delight it is to watch everyone running around trying to deal with all the chaos the notgitsune is causing (we even got to see coach get shot, which was actually pretty funny??). between all of that and the plot twist at the end (that we all saw coming…but hey) that it was really the nogitsune pretending to be stiles all along (and the very…gay…thing going on with him and scott), it’s literally like, the perfect episode. there was even a rain battle at the end i fucking love rainy scenes. PEAK television.

4.12 Smoke & Mirrors: my two favorite characters on the dumb werewolf show are derek hale & scott mccall and this episode is like a great big flashing sign that says “LOOK AT HOW AWESOME DEREK IS AND LOOK AT HOW AWESOME SCOTT IS!!!” because scott finally gets to KICK PETER’S ASS and comes back from something he shouldn’t be able to come back from because he’s SCOTT MCCALL, TRUE ALPHA, and how can we forget my son derek finally achieving the full shift and giving that big old “FUCK YOU” to kate argent. if that wasn’t enough, my third favorite character chris argent gets the second-closest he’s ever come to weeping in this entire series when confronting the sister he can’t kill at the end. also kate is in this episode and she’s the best villain i love her presence onscreen. also peak television.

1.12 Code-Breaker: i love s1 SO FUCKING MUCH bc it was so tightly plotted - it’s like back to the future and holes, it’s one of those things where every line serves a purpose and there’s no spare bits, and tw’s plot becomes such a mess later that it’s honestly really amazing. so code breaker is my favorite one because all the plot stuff comes together really well, and it’s just like well-done overall, there’s that sick backwards shot of allison, chris’s Angst when he realizes his sister is a serial killer, scott trying Really Really Hard and derek being Really Really Done (why don’t they have more scenes together…), stiles and peter cracking me up with the laptop password gag, like…there’s literally no part of this ep that isn’t a delight (also again kate is in it i love kate as a villain). it’s wonderful 10/10

3.14 More Bad Than Good: i had a real hard time with this one vs. the one immediately before it, the first one of 3B, but i love both bc i love watching scott stiles and allison absolutely losing their shit. in the end i like this one better bc 1. you get to watch them beat it and 2. they finally find and rescue malia and i FUCKING LOVE malia, my own daughter, also the scene where she reunites with her dad makes me misty every time. bonus content: watching araya hack off peter’s finger :D :D :D AND this is the first time derek gets to make heart-eyes at braeden. i’m so happy whenever he’s happy!!! 

6.05 Radio Silence: this episode is everything i love about 6A all wrapped up in a nice neat lil package. i love 6A bc it totally fucking surprised me by making me like things i did not think i’d like, the biggest being stiles/lydia. and like…this season fuckin SOLD me on it, the way she fights tooth and nail to get him back and the way he’s so patiently waited for her reminds me 2much of claire & ben from @cambionverse and the beginning of me being sold was this ep, when they had the wall between them, and when they finally talked on the radio. and this episode even made peter hale interesting for 30 entire seconds which i thought was impossible—it was cool that he did One Genuinely Selfless Thing by going through the portal to save malia, and later when malia and scott had to take his pain to get at stiles’ keys you could almost imagine for a second he got to pretend someone actually DID care about him, that’s his reward for doing a single selfless thing. it was also stellar to see stiles (and the jeep!!!) again and see him working the problem from the other side it was like getting real sam back after half a season of soulless sam in spn s6 DO NOT call me out for referencing this show

4.05 I.E.D.: go look at these gifsets and read the tags. now come back. …okay okay aside from, That, which i won’t repeat as to avoid two paragraphs of capslock, derek also smiles in this episode. even scott is alarmed by it. HE’S HAPPY i’m happy he’s happy!!!!! i’m happy he loves scott!! i’m happy he spends half the episode trading long lingering looks with his future boyfriend!!!! but if that wasn’t enough this episode KEEPS ON GIVING because at the very end the calaveras show up and bully chris into saying the original code, and forgetting his daughter’s, which is deeply relevant to all my headcanons about the code lowkey being like indoctrination (watch that shit again it’s fucking wild…), and also it’s one of the only times in the series where he looks genuinely freaked out and i love watching his Turmoil™

6.10 Riders on the Storm: this is also everything i love about 6A in one ep, just like, less concentrated, bc there’s also the nazi werewolf (tho even PETER HALE getting judgy @ the nazi was truly a highlight). its got all the Big Damn Reunions, its got STYDIA, its got peter actually being slightly interesting, its got scott mccall: badass. its actually also got lydia martin: badass, which like…About Damn Time. it’s even got chris argent: badass, and it’s also got chris argent: badass smooching on a beautiful lady w/ his hands in her hair!!!! (her: that was so hot! me: GIRL ME TOO) also they thought this was the last stiles ep ever so his goodbyes to everyone were like really sweet & made me emo af

3.22 De-Void: so obviously i love this one because derek’s line when he was under thrall about “you’re NOT my ally you’re a HUNTER” got me into the dumb rarepair i wrote like 60k for so far but also i do genuinely deeply love the sequence where they exorcise the notgitsune from inside stiles’ head—lydia facing her fears in the ruined prom dress is such amazing imagery + im gay for the scott/stiles reunion. bonus content includes chris & allison interaction which breaks my heart (he’s so proud of her!!) and the tense kickass scene in the loft in the opening where the notgitsune (SCARY MOTHERFUCKER) is trying to goad chris into shooting it. i don’t love ALL of this ep bc it has so much thumb twins (& from here down there are no more perfect ones…sad) but i love MOST of it and the parts i do love are fantastic. so. i’ll deal w/ thumb twins

3.06 Motel California: look i know this episode should disturb the fuck out of me bc 1. derek and jennifer bang & in my eyes that isn’t a consensual encounter and 2. all the creepy ass suicides but like…honestly there is something so soothing about motels to me, i’ll put this one on to just chill out anyday. like it is delightfully creepy and i love all the meat to everyone getting hit with their baggage (uh…except the thumb twins), but mostly it’s the #mood i love. i actually even like the derek scenes before the sex starts because he is So Wounded and So Sad (“everyone around me gets hurt” BYE) and they rarely let him actually emote at all so it’s very refreshing

2.03 Ice Pick: this was like…such a perfect & amazing introduction to the new betas like if the new ppl in s4 and beyond had gotten this kind of good introduction (and hadn’t been killed off so quickly…) i would love them about 10x more. it’s got that nice s2 vibe that most ppl are into and i still love erica & boyd w/ all my heart!!! (DONT really love how creepy derek was w/ erica but we’ll blame it on being the alpha.) i also love how fucked up the scene with allison tied to the chair was & the fucking fight between derek’s pack and scott at the end…like scott gets to win a 2-on-1 fight and then derek gets to be mr. cool alpha dude and kick his ass. i LOVE THOSE FIGHT SCENES and bc of this episode “iron” is my derek theme song. so.

HONORABLE MENTIONS aka these were on the original list but didn’t make the cut:

1.11 Formality (aaalllll of derek’s ugly backstory this was when i knew i loved him)

2.10 Fury (the first ep i ever watched live, will always be fond of it for that reason even tho i don’t give 2 shits about matt)

2.11 Battlefield (the theme of doing things bc of the power of love will always get me, it was also the only teen wolf episode i ever made gifs of, back when i knew how to make gifs)

3.12 Lunar Ellipse (for scott becoming a true alpha for REAL + derek’s big ol’ well-deserved fuck-you to jennifer, i didn’t love 3A but this was such prime derek & scott material)

3.13 Anchors (like i said: watching stiles, scott, and allison all COMPLETELY lose their shit, also did you know the anchor allison chose in this ep ws her new code? Interesting)

3.24 The Divine Move (listen...you can laugh at the cheesy sfx ALL you want but when i watched kate argent come back from the dead to menace derek hale like his own worst nightmare come to life LIVE with mine own two eyes i jumped out of my seat and YELLED like everything about that moment was absolutely PERFECT and very few things are ever gonna top it)

4.08 Time of Death (derek learning to use a gun and then getting it on with braeden…bye)

4.11 A Promise to the Dead (not only chris unsticking himself from the wall for allison and scott’s sake but also derek and braeden walking around his loft half-naked in the rain...nice)

5.05 A Novel Approach (the stiles and donovan altercation…the first 15m where he acts with his face without saying a word…enough said)

5.18 The Maid of Gévaudan (i'm bitter about the flashback because i want ALLISON but it was a nice origin story + scott fighting the beast all on his own to save that library full of kids was one of the only truly amazing moments of 5B)

6.08 Blitzkrieg (the sheriff rebuilding stiles’ room and saying goodbye to claudia makes me really for real cry but there’s so much nazi bullshit that i couldn’t justify having the episode as a whole being one of my favs)

6.13 After Images (chris argent absolutely losing his shit the entire ep, fucking love it)

6.19 Broken Glass (derek hale's comeback and he got to spend all of his screentime with chris argent! i seriously considered poking this into the #10 spot but ultimately the sideplot i hated with malia and scott had so much more screentime i can't use it - i can't list an episode i'm always skipping parts of!)