#anakin is suffering from nightmares about losing obi wan yes

[liltaireissocute]

cure for nightmares

[blenderbender1811]

No, it wasn't. Owen Lars got the money to free her by trading an object SENT TO SHMI BY THE JEDI. Yes, Anakin indicates in AOTC that he's dreamed about Shmi many times, but nothing about his conversation with Obi-Wan indicates that Obi-Wan even knows that they were nightmares, never mind possible visions of her dying or suffering. In fact, the novelization of AOTC makes pretty clear Obi-Wan just thinks Anakin is dreaming about her because he cares about her and 'that's no reason to despair'. When he sees that Anakin still is thinking about them, he says 'Don't worry, dreams pass in time'. Either of those would've been a good time for Anakin to bring up that Shmi is suffering or dying in those dreams, but he didn't. Hell, Wild Space by Karen Miller makes it very clear that Obi-Wan did NOT know what these dreams were about.

Had Anakin done that, then yes, that is something that may have been prevented. Obi-Wan even says as much. The Jedi do have agents working on Tatooine who could have investigated. And 1) Yes, dying in childbirth is a natural death. Sometimes complications happen that can't be treated or can't be treated easily and 2) Again, something that could have come up had Anakin said more than 'I'm having dreams of someone I love dying'. The same novelization that you bring up has Yoda thinking Anakin is talking about Obi-Wan, who is currently being deployed at war, and is at obvious risk of dying. Saying "I'm having dreams of someone I care about dying" is a lot different than saying "I think I'm having visions of Padme Amidala dying in childbirth." Heck, we see that when Ahsoka has her own visions of Padme being assassinated and goes to Yoda for help. He tells her to investigate.

Fear of loss is not the same as wanting to help others. George Lucas has talked multiple times about how one is rooted in greed and the other is rooted in compassion. You can not be afraid of loss and still find meaning and value in other people's lives.

Just because other stories are from Japan and also have Buddhist influences does not give them any bearing on Star Wars. George Lucas is inevitably going to have different views than any other Buddhist, the same way any other member of a religion does from another. Star Wars is rooted in the philosophy of non-attachment (which is also based in the idea of everything being impermanent) and taking 'I would do anything to save the person I love' to it's extreme. In this case, Anakin is either so afraid of losing someone or so angry he has lost someone that he commits two genocides (the Tuskens and the Jedi) before he's twenty-five. The Jedi are right that Anakin's inability to accept that Padme won't last forever dooms him, her and the galaxy. They tried to help him learn to balance himself emotionally and he wouldn't. As for Palpatine, have you SEEN how ruthlessly he gets rid of threats to his own power? That's where we get Alderaan, and him going 'join me or die'. But you are right that his main issue isn't attachment, it's greed. He wants power and doesn't want to give it up.

@blenderbender1811 This post is meant to be a reblog of this bit, but since I'm most likely blocked by the OP, I can't do that, so I have to settle for this instead:

Okay, found the passage in question:

Orbital mirrors rotated, resolving the faint light of Coruscant's sun to erase the stars; fireships crosshatched the sky with contrails of chemical air scrubber, bleaching away the last reminders of the fires of days past; chill remnants of night slid down the High Council Tower of the Jedi Temple; and within the cloistered chamber itself, Obi-Wan was still trying to talk them out of it. "Yes, of course I trust him," he said patiently. "We can always trust Anakin to do what he thinks is right. But we can't trust him to do what he's told. He can't be made to simply obey. Believe me: I've been trying for many years." Conflicting currents of energy swirled and clashed in the Council Chamber. Traditionally, decisions of the Council were reached by quiet, mutual contemplation of the flow of the Force, until all the Council was of a single mind on the matter. But Obi-Wan knew of this tradition only by reputation, from tales in the archives and stories told by Masters whose tenure on the Council predated the return of the Sith. In the all-too-short years since Obi-Wan's own elevation, argument in this Chamber was more the rule than the exception. "An unintentional opportunity, the Chancellor has given us," Yoda said gravely. "A window he has opened into the operations of his office. Fools we would be, to close our eyes." "Then we should use someone else's eyes," Obi-Wan said "Forgive me, Master Yoda, but you just don't know him the way I do. None of you does. He is fiercely loyal, and there is not a gram of deception in him. You've all seen it; it's one of the arguments that some of you, here in this room, have used against elevating him to Master: he lacks true Jedi reserve, that's what you've said. And by that we all mean that he wears his emotions like a HoloNet banner. How can you ask him to lie to a friend—to spy upon him?" "That is why we must call upon a friend to ask him," said Agen Kolar in his gentle Zabrak baritone. "You don't understand. Don't make him choose between me and Palpatine—" "Why not?" asked the holopresence of Plo Koon from the bridge of Courageous, where he directed the Republic Navy strike force against the Separatist choke point in the Ywllandr system. "Do you fear you would lose such a contest?" "You don't know how much Palpatine's friendship has meant to him over the years. You're asking him to use that friendship as a weapon! To stab his friend in the back. Don't you understand what this will cost him, even if Palpatine is entirely innocent? Especially if he's innocent. Their relationship will never be the same—" "And that," Mace Windu said, "may be the best argument in favor of this plan. I have told you all what I have seen of the energy between Skywalker and the Supreme Chancellor. Anything that might distance young Skywalker from Palpatine's influence is worth the attempt." Obi-Wan didn't need to reach into the Force to know that he would lose this argument. He inclined his head. "I will, of course, abide by the ruling of this Council." "Doubt of that, none of us has." Yoda turned his green gaze on the other councilors. "But if to be done this is, decide we must how best to use him."

And, that's PRECISELY what I described happened. The bolded bit is my emphasis reinforcing my point.

[comfortwriting]

Through Thick and Thin - A.S

Anakin Skywalker x Fem Reader

masterlist, requesting rules, guidelines, taglist

About: When Obi-Wan learns of Anakin's turn to the dark side, he goes to Y/N to try and find him; what he gets instead changes everything and Anakin gets the answers he's been waiting for.

A/N: this is my first time writing in months, please be kind! Need to get back to my flow lol

Word Count: 2057

Warnings: murder, death, blood, mention of parent loss.

"He killed younglings, Y/N!" Obi-Wan stressed, pacing around the room "Tell me where he is, I beg you."

You stared at your husbands Jedi Master, contemplating if you should tell him the truth - betraying your husband and revealing his whereabouts or to lie and protect him. After all, you knew what Obi-Wan was going to do.

You knew that Anakin was capable of taking lives, especially the lives of women and children after he murdered the Tusken Raiders - you weren't afraid of him when he confessed and you certainly didn't shame him for it; you could understand his anger, his hate, his need for revenge.

Anakin's back was facing you, he stared at the wall, hot tears streaming down his face.

"I killed them." he paused, catching his breath "I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them."

Anakin slowly turned around to face you, his face stained with tears, his eyes glassy and red.

You stared at him, trying not to judge him for what he had done - knowing that if you did, you would be the biggest hypocrite known to man.

"And not just the men," Anakin inched closer to you, shaking his head "but the women and the children too."

You froze.

Women, like you.

Children, like the ones you adored at the Jedi Temple, children you dreamed of having with Anakin.

Part of you died hearing his confession, but you remembered how you felt when you were finally left alone in a room with your fathers killer. You too would've killed his wife and the other women and children in their village. You would wipe them all out.

"They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals." Anakin started to raise his voice, his pearly white teeth shining in the light "I hate them!"

Anakin dumped himself to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest, more tears falling from his eyes; you placed your hand against his face, wiping away his tears with your thumb.

"It's okay to feel angry, it's okay to hate them after what they did." You said softly, casting circles on his cheek with your thumb.

"I'm a Jedi," his eyes searched yours, his hand reaching for yours, holding it tightly "I know I'm better than this."

You sighed, kissing his hand softly "Don't let what you've done define you, Ani."

"How can I come back from this?" He asked in frustration "How can I move forward if Obi-Wan is holding me back!"

"You find a way," you encouraged him "even if it means going against him... and the council."

"You're going to kill him, aren't you?" You asked quietly.

Obi-Wan didn't answer, he swallowed hard and looked at the pale lilac carpet.

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"

"Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain."

"He has slain younglings, Y/N! I saw his callousness with my own eyes!" Obi-Wan raised his voice, "Anakin has sided with Palpatine! He's the sith lord!"

You started to laugh, waving your hand.

'Of course, Obi-Wan and the council are pinning this on Palpatine, making him the bad guy.' you thought.

"It's funny," you speak up swinging your right leg over your left knee "you and the council painting Palpatine as evil."

The Jedi Master stared at you in horror and couldn't believe the words coming out of your mouth - his heart splitting into tiny fragments, the young girl he raised was defending the chosen one - the young boy who had grown up with bouts of pent up hate and anger, and turned to the dark side.

"Palpatine is the only person other than me who truly cares for Anakin, who never lectures him for his feelings, who never holds him back."

Obi-Wan felt sick.

"I don't know where he is," you lied "even if I did, I'm not telling you."

"Don't make this harder for me than it needs to be," Obi-Wan warned you, remembering the Jedi Code, pushing his memories with you and Anakin aside.

You didn't flinch, instead, you sat back down on the sofa, staring at the beautiful sparkling wedding ring on your finger.

"I don't want to go back," you sighed, dragging your feet through inches of deep, sparkling snow "I've missed being home."

Anakin nervously fidgeted with the ring box in his pocket, practising his words over and over and over, making sure he got them perfect, his body freezing, his hair full of snowflakes.

"I'm so thankful you came here with me, Ani." You smiled, "My dad would've loved you."

Realising that Anakin wasn't following you, you stopped in your tracks and turned around, finding your boyfriend down on one knee.

"Ani-"

"From the day we met, I have never been able to shake you from my mind and heart."  

Your eyes filled with tears and your goggles started to steam up.

"I never got to ask for your father's blessing, but that won't stop me."

You focused on the ring, realising it was the same one that your father always showed you as a child, with his plan to give to you in hopes that you would pass it on to your children.

"Y/N, my love, will you marry me?"

You nodded your head, removing your glove, exposing your warm skin to the freezing air that instantly started to nip at your skin.

"Yes," you smiled, more tears falling from your eyes "I will marry you, Anakin."

"Your father would be ashamed of you, you're becoming the very thing he hated, you're sleeping with the enemy!"

The rage you once felt started to ignite deep inside you as Obi-Wan tried to sour one of the greatest moments of your life.

You stood up, and walked over to him, staring him down.

"You know better than to bring up my father, Obi-Wan."

Anakin tried to catch his breath, stumbling backwards in extreme pain, the sound of your screams ringing in his ears. You were hurt, probably dead with the amount of pain Anakin was experiencing.

His heart started pounding, his ears ringing, feeling sick to his stomach - you couldn't be... could you? who could've done this? why?

"I have these nightmares..." Anakin opened up to you "what I see, happens."

You stroked Anakin's head, your fingertips massaging his scalp, your lips brushing against his neck.

"I had them about my mother before she died, I wasn't strong enough to save her."

You stopped massaging his scalp, and pulled away, looking into his blue eyes - full of tears that pooled up over his waterline.

"You are strong and you get even stronger the more you learn and experience," you paused "I was strong - not strong enough to save my dad, but now I probably would've had a better chance of doing so. We move forward."

Your fiance nodded his head, pursing his lips and kissing you softly, still emotional when he pulled away from the kiss.

"I don't want to dream of you like that- I don't want the nightmares - I can't... I can't lose you..."

You shook your head, cupping Anakin's face in your hands "You won't lose me, Ani."

Anakin didn't know but he would soon find out, killing the last of the separatist leaders on Mustafar, he boarded his ETA-2 Jedi Starfighter and set off in a hurry; desperate to find you.

You were in utter shock.

Your hands trembling, your forehead burning, the room closing in on you yet expanding at the same time and your throat like sandpaper from your constant screaming.

It all happened so fast - Obi-Wan striking for you, your leg being severed off faster than you could realise until you fell down and all you could feel was agonising pain, and the smell of burning flesh filling the room, the blood boiling in your veins.

You sat on the floor, your back propped up against the back of the sofa, dragging yourself across the floor proved difficult since you stopped practising your upper body workouts.

Looking across the room, your eyes landed on Obi-Wan, no longer breathing - how you did it? you didn't know - you managed to take control, more power than you ever had in your life, your fury spitting inside of you begging for release.

Do you feel guilty? Now that you think about it, no.

Obi-Wan attempted to end your life and he would take Anakin's life too.

Bringing the back of your hand up to your forehead, you wiped away the beads of sweat, your chest rising and falling.

Anakin jumped out of his Starfighter, his hood shielding his face, his long strides bringing him closer and closer to you, his eyes no longer a beautiful shade of blue, but like the two suns on Tatooine during sunset.

She can't be. Y/N can't be dead. Not now. Not ever.

Getting closer and closer, Anakin could sense death, pain, and suffering.

The door swung open as Anakin stormed in, searching for you frantically until his eyes landed on your amputated leg in the middle of the room, his face drained of all its colour.

Your screams came back to him, the searing sound of Obi-Wan's lightsaber severing your leg, the loud thud as you fell to the floor and then the walls shaking, everything shaking, your yells, Obi-Wan's voice breaking before his body dropped lifelessly to the floor.

Anakin glanced over to his Jedi Masters lifeless body and stared, his eyes burning holes into Obi-Wans back, wanting nothing more than to revive him just so he could have the pleasure of murdering him for what he had done to you.

You peeked your head out from behind the sofa, "Ani," you winced, "I'm back here."

Anakin rushed to your side, his eyes pouring with tears as he searched your face and body for more injuries; the sight of your wound hurt him deeply.

How could Obi-Wan do this to you? How could anyone do such a thing to the chosen one's wife?

"Are you-are you-"

"Ani," you tried to calm him down breathlessly "just my leg, nothing-nothing else."

Anakin scooped you into his arms as gently as he could, you held onto him for support, moving one of your arms around his neck, your tear-stained face hiding in his chest, his heartbeat thumping against your ear comforting you.

"I thought you were dead," Anakin croaked, carrying you away, his robes hiding you in his arms.

"Obi-Wan came to me, he needed to know where you were so he could kill you," you admitted, "he told me that you killed younglings."

Anakin slowed down, you pulled your head out of his chest and looked into his eyes.

"Did you believe him?" Anakin asked, his tone harsh.

You paused for a moment, slightly afraid that Anakin might drop you.

"I know that you have killed children before," you replied quietly, "he told me that Palpatine is the sith lord... that you are his apprentice-"

"What do you think of Palpatine?" Anakin's eyes rummaged through yours.

She can't turn against me - she won't. I won't let her.

"I think that he's the only other person aside from me who has ever encouraged you to show your emotions, to use them to make you stronger."

Anakin's eyes fixed on your face like glue "what if he is the sith lord, and I have joined him? what would you think of me"

You sighed, closing your eyes, imagining the perfect life with your husband; you and him never in harms way, children of your own growing up without a clue of what it's like to lose a parent, to be a slave.

"I would encourage you to overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy,"

You opened your eyes, everything coming back to you, your father's death, how it felt to slaughter a whole family.

"make things the way we want them to be."

Anakin gripped onto you tightly, a prideful grin spreading across his face.

"Everyone turned against me but you." He said softly, kissing you.

"What if you hate what I become?" your boyfriend stressed, pacing up and down.

"I could never hate you, Anakin," you walked over to him, linking your arm with his metal one"I'll be with you through thick and thin."

tags: @autobotrosestark

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XXII

Part I - - - - - - - - - - Part XIX - - - - Part XX - - - - Part XXI

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

“Thank you for coming to see me on such short notice,” Palpatine said warmly, smoothly guiding Padme to a seat and pouring her a cup of tea.

“Of course, Chancellor Palpatine,” she replied cordially, gracefully settling down with a billowing of fabric. “Anything for a fellow former Ruler of Naboo. How might I be of service?”

Palpatine’s smile faded into a concerned grimace.

“I’ve just come from a...disturbing meeting with the Jedi and wanted to see if you perhaps wanted to discuss things. I know you’ve been considered...close with both Master Kenobi and Knight Skywalker.”

“I consider them both good friends of mine,” Padme confirmed, stomach churning even as she remained outwardly calm. “Though I’m not privy to the contents of your meeting. Is there something you wish to relay to the Senate at large?”

Palpatine sighed, abandoning his seat in favor of strolling to the window. Padme remained seated in place, refusing to turn her gaze to follow his motion, instead sipping her over brewed tea and allowing the Chancellor to address the back of her head, as he apparently wanted her to address the back of his.

“I received an...upsetting call from Anakin yesterday, regarding Master Kenobi. At the time I’m afraid I had no idea what he was referring to, only learning after the fact...well.”

Padme’s blood boiled at the cheap conversational fishing, still remembering how broken-up Anakin had been about the Chancellor’s inherently disturbing ‘betrayal.’ Not as much as he was about the prospect of losing Kenobi so tragically but...

Padme took another sip of tea. “Master Kenobi’s had a number of burdens placed on his shoulders over the course of the war,” she finally said, tone utterly devoid of color.

“Of course, yes, of course,” the Chancellor agreed absently.

Padme itched to scream at him, demanding to know if Kenobi was even alive, if Anakin had done something rash since running out that morning, but she was far to practiced to need to even bite her tongue. The back of her neck prickled with the weight of the Chancellor’s gaze. Padme gently set down the Felucian porcelain cup, and began slowly pouring herself more tea from the pot.

Palpatine abandoned his position by the window, slowly walking back to the ornate armchair across the table. Padme resisted the urge to crow with victory.

He looked at her with soulfully distraught eyes. “I must ask- have Obi-Wan Kenobi or Anakin Skywalker contacted you today?”

Padme felt a wave of relief overtake her. Not dead then, thank the force.

“I spoke with Knight Skywalker briefly this morning,” she said out-loud, allowing her brow to wrinkle with confusion. “He was concerned about Master Kenobi’s wellbeing, but quite vague. I’ve been in meetings all day since.”

“Neither of them have contacted you since this morning?” The Chancellor pressed, staring at her intensely. Padme felt a flicker of irritation. 

“I haven’t spoken to Master Kenobi in over a month,” she replied stiffly. “Chancellor, what exactly is this about?”

Palpatine sighed.

“I’m afraid Master Kenobi suffered from...a break in mental health three days ago, and this morning demonstrated...an increased severity in symptoms.”

Senator Amidala’s hands tightened involuntary in her lap. “Is he...alright?” she asked carefully, thoughts flickering with images worse then the nightmare her husband had walked in on.

The Chancellor smiled sympathetically. “Physically, he’s fine. It’s the danger he presents to others that the Jedi are concerned about.”

Padme drew back in shock as the Chancellor clearly expected her to do. “I beg your pardon?”

“I know, I know I could hardly believe it myself. But he gravely injured Knight Skywalker in his initial fit; Anakin was so shaken that he stepped down from command this morning! And now the two are missing!”

She gasped, bringing a hand daintily to her mouth, primarily to cover up any perceived disagreement with Palpatine’s narrative.

That’s not why he stepped down...he could but lying but I think he’s failed to speak with Anakin despite his attempts...and I have a hard time believing Anakin’s missing for any reason other then his own volition.

“Missing!” she repeated inanely. “And they think Master Kenobi might be the one behind it? With...ill intent?”

“It’s the Jedi’s working theory,” Palpatine equivocated. He took a sip of cold tea, staring out the window in a lengthy pause. Padme followed suit, picking up her cup and staring out blankly as the silence continued, not turning her head when the Chancellor finally deigned to speak once more. 

“As you can imagine...” he said hesitantly. “This could have severe political repercussions for the War and the Republic.”

“Indeed,” she agreed. “Extreme care will need to be taken in breaking the news to the Senate and public.”

“Then you do believe the Senate must be informed?” Palpatine asked earnestly.

Padme paused, taking a long drink of the now nearly intolerably tepid brew. 

“I imagine they’re absence from the war would be noted one way or another,” she replied slowly. “Considering they are the ‘posterboys,’ in a manner of speaking, of the Jedi part in the war effort.”

“Yes, of course. I just hate to think how this might shake the public’s image of the Jedi, especially considering how unfairly the media’s been treating them as this terrible war’s dragged on...”

Padme made a noncommittal hum of agreement in response, sensing they were now reaching the part of the conversation where the Chancellor would ask her to do something seemingly innocuous. 

“I wondered if you, as a known ally of the Jedi, would be so kind as to help me draft a statement of address? Help soften the language, so to speak.”

Padme smiled innocently. “Anything I can do to help. Of course, I would need access to the full report the Jedi wrote, to make certain I’m not misrepresenting matters.”

“Naturally,” Palpatine, to her surprise, agreed, picking up a datapad from the nearby stack. “Everything they gave me is on here.”

Padme set down the drink with a hint of finality and gingerly accepted the pad. “I’ll look it over at once, unless there’s anything else you wanted to discuss...?”

“No dear, that’s all. Please take all the time you need. I know the news might be...disturbing.”

They stood as one, Chancellor Palpatine politely escorting her to the exit and nodding to the Jedi Knight standing guard outside. The door shut gently behind her and his grandfatherly smile dropped into cool calculation, striding back to the window to survey the end of day traffic passing below.

She was more fearful of the thought of him coming to harm then harming others...practically relieved when I told her that he had vanished...expecting something more tragic it seems. Perhaps Kenobi truly was closer to breaking then I had estimated...how pathetic. When I think of all the ways he’s ruined my plans by not dying...of course he chooses the most melodramatic way out possible. I’d thank him for shaking my apprentice so severely if he hadn’t inexplicably managed to pin the blame on me. 

Kenobi was clearly in some form of death throes this morning, yet the report made no mention of such a fact...I suppose half-dead and half-mad is a touch more vulnerable then their pride allows them to admit...or perhaps it’s simply so I take the security ‘threat’ more seriously...

Amidala was more hostile then usual...what could the man have possibly said to affect them both? The war? Something more personal? If Skywalker hadn’t cut me off...I’ll need to play this delicately, can’t have him losing faith now...naturally even in utter self-defeat, Kenobi manages to remain thorn in my side. Still, he’s practically handed me all I need to cripple the last shred of faith the public has in the order. The squid seemed certain he hadn’t fallen, at least not yet, but the fear of him doing so is...fascinating. Perhaps Skywalker will be forced to kill him, well ahead of schedule.

I don’t usually typically enjoy surprises but...

Part XXIII

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Anakin is to blame for his fall.

Anakin bears final blame for his state of being.

It is true that he was raised fatherless as a slave, taken away from his mother and only security while only nine years old to be raised by a religious group he knew nothing of prior to meeting one of its practitioners.

It is true that he was met with skepticism and suspicion upon arriving, being deemed too old to train and thus picked on my his peers.

It is true that his relationship with his master was rocky, and that Obi-Wan could not be outspoken and honest about his love for his apprentice.

It is true that his fears were realized when his nightmares about his mother’s death became reality, and that he was overtly prevented from coming to her aid.

It is true that he was was required to bury his volatile emotions underneath the surface, to shut up and never bring them up and let them go.

It is true that despite being married to a loving wife, he had to hide the marriage from the public and live with a secret he knew may ruin his reputation and sever his connection to the order.

It is true that he did stand up for Ahsoka, that he did want the best for his own apprentice while she was being falsely accused of murder.

It is true that Anakin was barely even an adult when he fell to the Dark Side, terrified of losing Padmé, of losing their children of knowing that the nightmares may once again come true unless he acted to prevent it.

It is true that Palpatine manipulated and groomed Anakin all the while, sensing both his power and his vulnerability and feeding off of his weaknesses.

It is true that the Jedi did not have the tools to aid Anakin, or to give him the psychiatric help he would have needed in order to function within society given his traumatic childhood and difficult upbringing.

But it was Anakin who would not trust his loved ones, who would not believe they had the best intentions. It was Anakin who adhered to Palpatine’s constant reassurance of his greatness, his value, his power.

Ahsoka explained why she left, that she couldn’t trust the order that had not stood up for her - but Anakin still took it personally, as if she was abandoning him and without taking her feelings into the equation.

The Jedi order were clear with their rules, they put up guidelines and restrictions to follow, and Anakin still broke them.

Obi-Wan may not have been able to profess his love for Anakin out loud, but if Anakin had taken the time, he would have noticed and realized that Obi-Wan did love him - and that in spite of the fact that Obi-Wan knew he was not supposed to develop emotional attachments.

Padmé may have been selfish and codependent on Anakin and much as he was on her, and she did condone and forgive his murdering an entire village - but she did put her foot down when it went too far, and she did tell Anakin that she loved him and would have forgiven him once more despite knowing he had murdered children if he had only listened to her.

But Anakin didn’t listen. Anakin never listened. Anakin is a loving and emotional man, yes, but he is also hopelessly inept when it comes to taking the people he loves’ feelings into account. 

Anakin loves Ahsoka, therefore she should stay with the order even if it’s not fair to her. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, therefore Obi-Wan should always praise him and be openly proud and verbally supportive of him. Anakin loves Padmé, therefore she should always forgive and support him whatever he does, even if that includes killing innocent people. Anakin loves his mother, therefore killing an entire village in cold blood as revenge is a fair retribution.

Anakin loves Ahsoka, but her state of mind is worth less than Anakin’s. Anakin loves Obi-Wan, but his dedication to the order and to himself is worth less than Anakin’s need for validation. Anakin loves Padmé, but her unrelenting love and forgiveness doesn’t matter if she won’t follow him to the end of the line.

Anakin promises to save his mother, and he does come for her but it’s too late. Anakin promises to clear Ahsoka’s name, and he does but she rejects the order either way. Anakin is bashful upon learning that Obi-Wan is proud of him, but he still second guesses and doubts the sincerity behind it. Anakin promises Padmé he will save her, although she doesn’t care if she dies as long as her child(ren) lives and Anakin can’t accept that.

Anakin doesn’t care if Ahsoka, Obi-Wan or Padmé are happy or satisfied with any outcome. What Anakin cares about is his world, his feelings, his own satisfaction.

Anakin isn’t an inherently selfish man, and he doesn’t pressure people and demand their all because he’s callous. Anakin simply never learnt how to deal with healthy relationships, he only had his mother and during his formative years, he was Obi-Wan’s padawan - and Obi-Wan was distant, despite his attempts at breaking the ice.

Now, Obi-Wan being distant does not put the blame on him. Ahsoka leaving the order does not put the blame on her. Padmé enabling Anakin’s violent tendencies does not put the blame on her. The Jedi order following their religion and imposing it upon Anakin who did wish to become a Jedi does not put the blame on them.

Could Obi-Wan have been more nurturing? Yes, but Anakin still demanded more than he could give. 

Could Ahsoka have stayed in contact with Anakin after leaving the order? Yes, but her wanting to put some distance between herself and the Jedi is understandable and valid. 

Could Padmé have protested and given Anakin ultimatums when he committed atrocities? Yes, but her seeing the best in Anakin at all times came from a place of love, not a wish to condone murder or violence. 

Could the order have given Anakin some leniency and offered him therapy instead of asking him to hide his emotions? Yes, but they simply followed their teachings and expected Anakin to be able to do the same.

Anakin had no easy life, no simple choices - but he did have the choice when it came to Palpatine. Still, if anybody outside of Anakin influenced, coursed and shares the blame, it’s Palpatine. Palpatine is what Anakin is inherently not - he is a cruel, ambitious, evil man.

Anakin is selfish, Anakin wants love, Anakin wants to save the people he loves. Sure, it’s for his own gain, but he still wants to be good. He has good intentions as much as they are driven by personal investment. Palpatine cares for no one but himself. Any kindness Palpatine showed Anakin is a lie and a hoax and a bluff. Palpatine preyed upon Anakin’s insecurities. Palpatine manipulated a lost young boy desperate for approval and a father figure. 

But at the end of the day, Anakin had a choice. Do I understand why he chose Palpatine and the Dark Side? Yes. Do I understand how his fear drove him to desperate measures? Yes. Do I understand how the high of his new powers snared him? Yes. Do I understand why he believed in Palpatine above the Jedi order? Yes.

But Anakin’s self serving attitude is revealed when instead of saving Padmé, instead of running away with her so she can be safe - what he was initially fighting for - he chokes her, harms her, contributes to her demise. Anakin’s selfishness is his downfall, and that’s where the blame lies with him.

As soon as he dons the cape and mask, he accepts this new living hell he’s trapped within - because deep down, he knows he deserves no less. He ruined his own life, he destroyed the Jedi order, he drove away Obi-Wan (and Ahsoka), and he killed Padmé. Vader isn’t a different person. Vader is Anakin, and Anakin knows what he deserves is suffering, and pain, and torment.

Anakin deserves being but a husk of the man he once was. What else does he have left, but to serve the man who aided him in his downfall? What else does he have left, but to bring harm and hurt to others so that they may taste a sliver of his internal agony? What else does he have left but the monster he turned himself into? Anakin knows it’s his fault, he knows there is no Vader, he knows he did it all by himself.

Anakin knows he became his own nightmare, and he continues to exist because he knows it’s what he deserves. Anakin does not abandon his old self because he’s no longer Anakin, but because the man he once was is warped and he does not believe he deserves to associate himself with his past. The name ‘Anakin’ stands for life when it was good, and hopeful, and worth living. Anakin can no longer relate to any of those sentiments, and thus ‘Anakin’ is simply not a name he feels worthy of.

Anakin never forgot who he was, he simply accepted that he had gone too far to turn back. He understood that he did not deserve forgiveness, or redemption, and he did not seek it out. Anakin knew Obi-Wan and Padmé and Ahsoka would all have forgiven him, but he could not let them overlook the horrible things he had done.

The irony in his refusing to accept forgiveness and turn around, is that that is perhaps the most selfless decision he could have made. Because when Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and Padmé had tried their hardest, he still would not budge. And that would, in some aspect, at least let them know they did their best and it was not enough. They tried, and failed. Anakin made sure they failed because he did not wish to be saved.

Ahsoka got her chance to stay with him, and make her perceived betrayal right. Padmé never lost her faith in him, even while she lay dying. Obi-Wan let himself be cut down and killed, both to free himself as a Force ghost, but also to let Anakin enact his revenge. They got even, in the end.

Vader is no disease, no second persona, no separate entity. Blaming Anakin’s deeds on Vader as somebody else absolves Anakin and removes the guilt from him. It discredits Anakin, and it cheapens his character. Anakin is not a good man, he is only human. But in the end, despite a life time of poor choices, he makes the right decision. And it’s just as much Anakin saving Luke, as it was Anakin cutting off his hand. It’s just as much Anakin choking Padmé, as it was Anakin marrying her. Anakin did it all.

Anakin alone is to blame for his suffering, and he knows this because there is no Vader. There is only Anakin.

[wasted-headspace-98]

The Unforgiven: Part II

Summary: After Order 66, everything was destroyed. The Empire left death and destruction in its wake. But one choice could change everything forever. The question is…is it the right one? Maul x Ahsoka 18+ For Eventual Chapters Warnings: Nonexplicit sexual content, slow burn, PTSD TW, inappropriate use of the force Collab fic with @lordofthenerds97

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES:

Panic Attacks

PTSD Flashbacks/Nightmares

Survivor’s Guilt

Mentions of Self Harm/Attempted Suicide

~*~*~*~

Ash.

Blaster fire.

Smoke.

She could hear footsteps pounding on the metal around her. The voices kept getting closer, and she glanced over her shoulder for what felt like the millionth time.

Pain.

Death.

Fear.

She felt it all, ripping through her like teeth. Golden eyes stared at her through the smoke and she gasped at the sight.

Jesse.

Kix.

Rex.

Screams and the sound of gunfire surrounded her on all sides. Her eyes widened as she tried to locate where it was all coming from.

Anger.

Hate.

Rage.

A cyclone of emotions tore through her mind. It didn’t matter if they were hers or not. The Force echoed with the suffering of her friends.

Her Masters.

Her comrades.

Her boys.

Ahsoka sat bolt upright with a scream. It echoed between the four walls of her cramped quarters, making her montrals hum with the noise. She winced at the sound, bringing her hand up to her forehead. Sweat dripped down her skin and she wiped it away with the back of her hand before rubbing her eyes.

“It was just a nightmare,” she told herself.

As much as she hated to admit it, she’d been having them more and more often. She wasn’t sure what had brought them on.

How long has it been? Two years?

She shook her head and sighed, untangling herself from the bedsheet. Her bare feet hit the cold metal of the floor and shocked her awake. She readjusted her shirt and made her way to the door. It opened on hydraulic hinges with a quiet hiss, retreating within to wall to grant her access to the rest of the ship. She quietly padded down the hall before stopping at another door. That one hissed open to reveal a refresher.

Ahsoka splashed the cool water on her face, her hands shaking.

Bodies surrounded her. She didn’t know if she was the cause of their death or someone else. But it sent pain rippling through her heart. Those were her friends.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bared her teeth, trying to fight off the memories. Even as she tried to suffocate the unwelcome images, she could hear them.

“Please,” she begged aloud, dropping her face into her hands and falling to her knees. She could feel it pressing in on her from all sides. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she tried to fight it off. “Please stop…”

Ignoring her pleas, Ahsoka felt them pressing in on her through the Force. Their voices whispered against her ears, fleeting touches caressed her arms. The sound of blaster fire assaulted her from all sides, leaving her no room to breathe. She felt her throat closing up and her eyes widened in panic. A weight settled on her chest and bore down on her. The harder she tried to fight it, the heavier it became. Her slender fingers wrapped around the invisible force on her throat, trying to stop it from suffocating her. She was choking on her own breath and had little control over it.

Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out all sensations.

Deep breaths, she thought. You can do this. Anakin taught you how to control your emotions.

With her arms shaking, she forced herself to suck in a breath. She let out a sob as she forced another breath into her lungs, her chest expanding with the rapid intake of air.

You left them to die. Rex. Jesse. Kix. You deserve every ounce of suffering for that.

“No, it wasn’t my fault!” she shouted, trying to get that incessant voice to leave her alone. It sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place exactly who it was.

You left me, Ahsoka!

“Anakin!” she gasped.

He shimmered to life in front of her, his blue eyes glowering at her. Ahsoka didn’t want to know if it was his Force signature or simply her mind playing tricks on her. But she could feel his disapproval. Is this what you’ve been reduced to? he sneered.

Ahsoka felt her eyes will with tears and she stared at him. Or, her mind’s interpretation of him. “I…I don’t…”

Exactly. You don’t know. If you had just listened when you had the chance, you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“No!”

Yes! You selfishly ignored the warnings you were given and lost any chance of a head start you might have had. The death of those men? That’s on your head Ahsoka!

She shook her head and let out a sob. Her arms went around her middle, hugging herself as she slid to the floor. “No…there was nothing I could have done…”

Bullshit!

“You don’t know that!”

The hell I don’t! You lost your chance because you didn’t want to listen to someone who so obviously wanted to help you!

Another sob took over her body as she collapsed, allowing herself to lose control. “It was wrong…he was a Sith…”

The voice of Anakin echoed through her head as he let out a mirthless laugh. Was he? Or was that what you told yourself to feel better about what you did?

Ahsoka continued to let her emotions roll off of her in waves. She knew Master Kenobi would tell her to curb her feelings and keep everything under control. But Anakin had taught her differently. He taught her to use her emotions.

If either of them could see what she had become, they would both be ashamed, that much she was sure of.

“It should have been me that died on that ship…” she choked out, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt flood her mind. “Why didn’t I die?”

She closed her eyes and fought back another round of tears as she tried to collect herself. She’d been replaying that night in her mind over and over again every single day for the past two years. There wasn’t a single moment that escaped her. She knew exactly why she was still alive. And she resented every minute of it.

The voices in her head wouldn’t stop assaulting her. It seemed that with every reason she was forced to hear that she shouldn’t be alive, she was forced to hear it from a different voice.

To die on that ship, your fate was. Defy the will of the Force, you have. Grave consequences, there will be. Master Yoda.

The faith that your friends placed in you was obviously placed without care. You were to face the fate of order 66. Master Windu.

You’re obviously not feeling the weight of your actions, Ahsoka. You left us. Obi Wan.

You left me to die, Ahsoka! If only you knew what was going to happen, you could have saved us. Oh, wait. You did know. Anakin.

The General is right. Your failure to act resulted in all of our deaths. Rex.

Ahsoka sobbed again as she listened to each of the voices. “You’re right!” she screamed. “I should be dead! I don’t deserve to be here!”

Her entire body shook as she let everything out. It wasn’t the first time she’d faced these types of accusations. But it was the first time that she felt they were right. That they were justified.

Exhaustion seeped through her, down to her bones, as her persecutors continued their onslaught. She slowly faded out of consciousness, allowing the black void to consume her. But as she drifted off into sweet oblivion, she could have sworn she heard a quiet echo.

Don’t listen to them, Ahsoka. You’re stronger than this. Fight them.

Before she could identify the voice, she was gone. Her mind had been sucked into nothingness, and she welcomed the silence.

~*~*~*~

“You’ve lost quite a lot of blood, Lady Tano. If I hadn’t found you when I did, I fear you wouldn’t have made it off that ship alive.”

Ahsoka groaned as she tried to sit up. Her montrals rang with an echo that was no longer there. Her head pounded as if someone had taken a hammer to it. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the low levels of light that permeated the area.

“What?”

There was a sigh of exasperation somewhere to her left, and she put a hand to her forehead as she turned to look for the source of the voice. She noticed that her arms had been bandaged, and an uncomfortable pain shot through her shoulder as she moved. “Where am I?”

“Aboard my shuttle. Alive. And in one piece.”

The shadows spoke to her, and she narrowed her eyes to try and make out the form of who spoke. The voice sounded familiar.

It tsked her quietly. “I’d hate to think that I never at least made an impression on you, Lady Tano. Or, maybe you took one too many blaster shots to the head.”

There was only one person that deep voice could belong to. “Maul?”

“Obviously.”

Ahsoka sighed and tried to gather her bearings as she looked around. She found herself in a small shuttle, one that seemed barely big enough to house the two of them. She mentally took stock of her situation and quickly assessed that she had extensive injuries. She hissed when she tried to move her arm, pain shooting through her shoulder and down her back.

A quiet sigh came from him and he moved to help her. “You took quite the beating.”

“Obviously,” she said, snapping a glare in his direction. He chuckled.

“At least you haven’t lost your spirit.”

Ahsoka appraised him silently as he carefully helped her stand and orient herself. “How long…” Maul raised an eyebrow marking at her, and she shakily finished her sentence. “How long was I out of it?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment as his eyes softened. “Four days.”

Her eyes widened and her mind started to throw itself into a panic. Realizing what was about to happen, Maul set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Take a deep breath, Lady Tano. You’re safe.”

She did as he asked, squeezing her eyes shut as she did. She couldn’t afford to lose control. Not now. And not in front of Maul.

“I know this is hard,” he said softly. “You can take the time to grieve. Nothing is going to happen to you while you are in my care.”

Ahsoka looked at him with suspicion and curiosity. Why was he being kind?

As if reading her mind, he scoffed. “If I wanted to kill you, Lady Tano, I would have left you on that ship.”

~*~*~*~

Ahsoka slowly and warily opened her eyes, unsure of where she was going to find herself. But when she saw the metal grate of the floor of her ship, she let out a quiet sigh of relief. She pulled herself into a sitting position and eventually struggled to her feet. She looked at herself in the mirror, and she hardly recognized the person staring back at her.

Her face had thinned considerably. Probably because she hadn’t been taking the best care of herself. Despite her efforts, she somehow managed to stay alive. And her body was beginning to pay the price.

With a sigh, Ahsoka scrubbed a hand down her face and turned on the water. She dried her face with a towel before making her way back to her small quarters. The ship she was piloting, the Proxima, was big enough to carry her, another passenger, and some cargo. It wasn’t the fanciest vessel in the world by any means, but it did its job and got her across the galaxy. She had managed to send off a few secure subspace transmissions to Obi Wan, who she recently discovered was still alive. She’d tried to track him down, but he was good at not being found when he didn’t want to be. Ahsoka supposed that’s probably what kept him under the Empire’s radar for so long.

He had assured her that he was okay and offered his condolences when she told him that Anakin was dead. They managed to say their goodbyes properly and went their separate ways.

Ahsoka rummaged through her small storage bin, looking for some clothes that she hadn’t worn for weeks on end. She was running out of motivation to do anything, and that included her laundry.

When her comm link beeped a couple times, she paused, frowning for a moment as she looked at her wrist. Whatever the message was, it wasn’t fully translating on the portable link. She abandoned her search for clean clothes as she made her way to the cockpit. She dropped into the pilot’s chair and tapped a few buttons, waiting for the program to run the decryption and translation.

A few moments later, and a hologram of a woman appeared in front of her. She raised an eyebrow marking as she recognized her face.

“Jhas?” she muttered, frowning at the image.

“I know you might not get this for a while, Fulcrum. But I have some intel you might be interested.”

Part of the message glitched out after that, but Ahsoka widened her eyes and had to rewind it a couple times to make sure she hadn’t misheard anything.

“Come to Dantooine. There’s a small group of us here, and we need your help. Oh, and that intel? It’s about Maul.”

She sat back in her seat with a thud, eyes wide with shock.

She’d played it three times, and she knew she wasn’t hearing things.

Maul.

Maul is alive.

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[staarshines]

HI ILY and i'm so so glad we became mutuals recently. as you know i started my rewatching spree and old feelings have reemerged so i fell in love with baby anakin all over again ;p can i request a hurt/comfort drabble where either you comfort him, or he comforts you, after a nightmare? either way works :)) THANK YOU

One of the Two, Gone || A.S.

Warnings: Nightmares, mentions of death, unresolved mutual pining (I had to sorry)

Word Count: 1.4k

You wake to a desperate Anakin calling out your name and go to see if he’s okay, eventually finding out he suffered a nightmare where you were the victim.

[A/N]: This was supposed to be a drabble but I threw that out the window oops

Nat’s 500

You’re jolted awake by screams.

Not incoherent ones, but Anakin yelling your name.

You panic for a minute before realizing you’re hearing his thoughts through the Force. 

But why was he having a nightmare about you?

Immediately getting out of bed, you hastily slip on your robes and boots and sneak out of your quarters, making sure to be actively guarding your Force signature. You didn’t want anyone awake sensing you sneaking around, and definitely not to Anakin’s quarters. The first thing they’d expect was a secret relationship between the two of you, and as the phrase goes, attachment is forbidden by the Jedi Code. You were already failing to observe that aspect of the code, since you had feelings for Anakin. You’d had feelings for him for a while, you suspected, but you realized it when you had been ready to die for him on Kuat. 

You don’t even bother to knock on the door, knowing he most likely wouldn’t respond and it would just increase your chances of being caught. You try to remember the combination, furrowing your eyebrows and contemplating just breaking the lock and opening the door with the Force. Instead, it slides open, and you’re scared that you actually did so until you see Anakin at the door, in nothing but a pair of pants. It takes everything in you to not look at his toned chest, which is shining with sweat in the dim moonlight coming through the windows.

“How—”

“You let down your guard when you were trying to remember the combination, I believe.” Fuck, he was right. Why couldn’t you just get 2187 ingrained in your head? “And our Force connection.” He was definitely right about the last part. 

When Obi-Wan decided to take on the seemingly impossible—and unconventional, although he was given approval by the council because of how high your Midichlorian count was, which rivaled Anakin’s—task of training two Padawans at once, the first thing anybody noticed was how strong the connection through the Force between you both was. Over time, it had grown stronger; so much stronger that you could practically hear his thoughts and feel his emotions from across the galaxy at times.

Remembering you weren’t supposed to be seen with him at this hour, you push your way inside and let the door slide shut with a swift swipe of your hand, turning your attention to Anakin. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t need to. You can hear his thoughts clearly, and as much as he doesn’t want you to, he can’t do a single thing.

Don’t tell her. She’ll only panic.

“Why are you here?” You’re more focused on his thoughts than his question, arching an eyebrow.

You can hear me, can’t you?

Yes, Anakin. I can hear you.

“Both of us know why I’m here.” You’re not quite sure why you’re having two different conversations with him. Maybe for the sake of not saying aloud what he so desperately wanted to hide from you.

Are you going to tell me or not?

He scoffs, shaking his head and walking past you to the large transparisteel window, looking out at the nightlife of Coruscant. You copy his footwork, coming up next to him and scanning the sky that was littered with stars.

“It’s beautiful. I heard the weather is going to be nice tomorrow, too.” Sarcasm is practically dripping from your voice because you know goading him into telling you isn’t going to work. Getting him angry and then eventually having him break is how this is going to go.

“Stop it.”

“What do you want me to talk about, then?”

“Nothing! Why are you even here?”

“We’ve covered that.” His head snaps to you and you turn your head smoothly to meet his, eyeing him with a defiant expression on your face.

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep; we’re supposed to leave for a mission in the morning.” 

“All right.” He seems to be surprised by your sudden compliance, but he realizes what you mean when you flop down on his bed, starting to take off your boots. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Going back to sleep.” He groans, running a hand through his hair. You take the opportunity to steal a glance at his perfectly toned body. The light coming from Coruscant’s buildings only helps define his abs and his back, making you gulp. You can feel his gaze on you and you tear your eyes away from his body, returning the death stare he was giving you. “We both know I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“I hate you,” he mumbles, making his way to the bed and lying down, staring up at the ceiling.

Don’t tell her. For the love of the Maker, don’t tell her. She’ll think you’re weak.

For the love of the Maker? This must be some hell of a thing you’re keeping from me, Ani. And I’m never going to think you’re weak.

He breaks his stare with the ceiling to turn his head and look at you. You didn’t know it, but you were tearing down his walls with every single day that passed. Every so often he’d push you out of his heart—painfully—but you’d find your way back in less than a day. He could never really get rid of you or his feelings for you.

If only you knew.

“You’re reading all my thoughts; you must already know,” he snaps, prompting a sigh from you.

“I’m not reading them, I’m hearing them. All I know is that you had a nightmare and I was in it. You were calling out for me,” you explain at his groan, watching him wipe sweat from his forehead. “Ani, please.” The desolation in your two words is what finally breaks him. He’d imagined you getting hurt and him not being able to save you, and now he was hurting you.

“We… We were on a mission. Some desert planet or something; I’m not really sure. We were battling Dooku and you caught a lightsaber to the chest and…” he trails off and you close your eyes. “You died. In my arms. There was nothing I could do about it.”

“Ani—”

“I begged you to stay awake. To fight it, to not pass into the Force and leave me. But you didn’t listen. I lost you.” The anguish laced into his voice kills you.

Anyone else hearing about this would immediately know he has feelings for you that he’s pushing away, but you’re vehemently denying it. This is Anakin Skywalker. Quite possibly the Chosen One. And if he wasn’t the Chosen One, you were. Neither of you could risk a relationship right now.

“I’m here now,” you whisper, moving closer to him and lying down next to him. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, as if he’s trying to make out whether you’re real or not.

“I know. But you’re just so reckless on missions—”

“Look who’s talking—”

“—and I’m worried that we’ll lose you. That the galaxy will lose the Chosen One.” He means it as a term of adoration; the both of you would throw that term back and forth either with love or menace because nobody truly knows which one out of you both is the Chosen One.

“Truthfully, I don’t think it’s me. I think it’s you.” He just hums, preoccupied with that same strand of hair he’s been playing with for a while now. “Are you okay now?” He nods slightly, shifting his eyes to meet yours. You give him a small smile before slowly getting up, watching him frown.

“Where are you going?”

“Like you said, we have a mission in the morning and I’m going to fall asleep here if I lie down any longer. And it’s a hell of a lot harder to sneak around in the mornings.” You’re not completely lying. The main reason is that you’ve wanted to sleep with him by your side for so long that you’re sure you’ll blurt out your true feelings for him. Again, neither of you could risk that right now.

“But—”

“Anakin,” you start, grabbing his arm and sitting him up so he’s facing you. “I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re both fine, and nobody is dead. I would never die on you.” He still doesn’t seem convinced, so you gently press your forehead to his.

Your lips are less than a couple inches away from his, and you swear either of you could initiate a kiss in this moment.

But you can’t, and neither can he. Because of the Jedi Code. The galaxy. The Chosen One. 

You pull back because you know what you’re capable of, what your feelings are capable of making you do. He just nods, letting you know it was okay to leave.

“Goodnight, Ani.”

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[lordofthenerds97]

The Unforgiven: Part II

Summary: After Order 66, everything was destroyed. The Empire left death and destruction in its wake. But one choice could change everything forever. The question is…is it the right one? Maul x Ahsoka 18+ For Eventual Chapters Warnings: Nonexplicit sexual content, slow burn, PTSD TW, inappropriate use of the force Collab fic with @wasted-headspace-98

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES:

Panic Attacks

PTSD Flashbacks/Nightmares

Survivor's Guilt

Mentions of Self Harm/Attempted Suicide

~*~*~*~

Ash.

Blaster fire.

Smoke.

She could hear footsteps pounding on the metal around her. The voices kept getting closer, and she glanced over her shoulder for what felt like the millionth time.

Pain.

Death.

Fear.

She felt it all, ripping through her like teeth. Golden eyes stared at her through the smoke and she gasped at the sight.

Jesse.

Kix.

Rex.

Screams and the sound of gunfire surrounded her on all sides. Her eyes widened as she tried to locate where it was all coming from.

Anger.

Hate.

Rage.

A cyclone of emotions tore through her mind. It didn’t matter if they were hers or not. The Force echoed with the suffering of her friends.

Her Masters.

Her comrades.

Her boys.

Ahsoka sat bolt upright with a scream. It echoed between the four walls of her cramped quarters, making her montrals hum with the noise. She winced at the sound, bringing her hand up to her forehead. Sweat dripped down her skin and she wiped it away with the back of her hand before rubbing her eyes.

“It was just a nightmare,” she told herself.

As much as she hated to admit it, she’d been having them more and more often. She wasn’t sure what had brought them on.

How long has it been? Two years?

She shook her head and sighed, untangling herself from the bedsheet. Her bare feet hit the cold metal of the floor and shocked her awake. She readjusted her shirt and made her way to the door. It opened on hydraulic hinges with a quiet hiss, retreating within to wall to grant her access to the rest of the ship. She quietly padded down the hall before stopping at another door. That one hissed open to reveal a refresher.

Ahsoka splashed the cool water on her face, her hands shaking.

Bodies surrounded her. She didn’t know if she was the cause of their death or someone else. But it sent pain rippling through her heart. Those were her friends.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bared her teeth, trying to fight off the memories. Even as she tried to suffocate the unwelcome images, she could hear them.

“Please,” she begged aloud, dropping her face into her hands and falling to her knees. She could feel it pressing in on her from all sides. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she tried to fight it off. “Please stop…”

Ignoring her pleas, Ahsoka felt them pressing in on her through the Force. Their voices whispered against her ears, fleeting touches caressed her arms. The sound of blaster fire assaulted her from all sides, leaving her no room to breathe. She felt her throat closing up and her eyes widened in panic. A weight settled on her chest and bore down on her. The harder she tried to fight it, the heavier it became. Her slender fingers wrapped around the invisible force on her throat, trying to stop it from suffocating her. She was choking on her own breath and had little control over it.

Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out all sensations.

Deep breaths, she thought. You can do this. Anakin taught you how to control your emotions.

With her arms shaking, she forced herself to suck in a breath. She let out a sob as she forced another breath into her lungs, her chest expanding with the rapid intake of air.

You left them to die. Rex. Jesse. Kix. You deserve every ounce of suffering for that.

“No, it wasn’t my fault!” she shouted, trying to get that incessant voice to leave her alone. It sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place exactly who it was.

You left me, Ahsoka!

“Anakin!” she gasped.

He shimmered to life in front of her, his blue eyes glowering at her. Ahsoka didn’t want to know if it was his Force signature or simply her mind playing tricks on her. But she could feel his disapproval. Is this what you’ve been reduced to? he sneered.

Ahsoka felt her eyes will with tears and she stared at him. Or, her mind’s interpretation of him. “I…I don’t…”

Exactly. You don’t know. If you had just listened when you had the chance, you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“No!”

Yes! You selfishly ignored the warnings you were given and lost any chance of a head start you might have had. The death of those men? That’s on your head Ahsoka!

She shook her head and let out a sob. Her arms went around her middle, hugging herself as she slid to the floor. “No…there was nothing I could have done…”

Bullshit!

“You don’t know that!”

The hell I don’t! You lost your chance because you didn’t want to listen to someone who so obviously wanted to help you!

Another sob took over her body as she collapsed, allowing herself to lose control. “It was wrong…he was a Sith…”

The voice of Anakin echoed through her head as he let out a mirthless laugh. Was he? Or was that what you told yourself to feel better about what you did?

Ahsoka continued to let her emotions roll off of her in waves. She knew Master Kenobi would tell her to curb her feelings and keep everything under control. But Anakin had taught her differently. He taught her to use her emotions.

If either of them could see what she had become, they would both be ashamed, that much she was sure of.

“It should have been me that died on that ship…” she choked out, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt flood her mind. “Why didn’t I die?”

She closed her eyes and fought back another round of tears as she tried to collect herself. She’d been replaying that night in her mind over and over again every single day for the past two years. There wasn’t a single moment that escaped her. She knew exactly why she was still alive. And she resented every minute of it.

The voices in her head wouldn’t stop assaulting her. It seemed that with every reason she was forced to hear that she shouldn’t be alive, she was forced to hear it from a different voice.

To die on that ship, your fate was. Defy the will of the Force, you have. Grave consequences, there will be. Master Yoda.

The faith that your friends placed in you was obviously placed without care. You were to face the fate of order 66. Master Windu.

You’re obviously not feeling the weight of your actions, Ahsoka. You left us. Obi Wan.

You left me to die, Ahsoka! If only you knew what was going to happen, you could have saved us. Oh, wait. You did know. Anakin.

The General is right. Your failure to act resulted in all of our deaths. Rex.

Ahsoka sobbed again as she listened to each of the voices. “You’re right!” she screamed. “I should be dead! I don’t deserve to be here!”

Her entire body shook as she let everything out. It wasn’t the first time she’d faced these types of accusations. But it was the first time that she felt they were right. That they were justified.

Exhaustion seeped through her, down to her bones, as her persecutors continued their onslaught. She slowly faded out of consciousness, allowing the black void to consume her. But as she drifted off into sweet oblivion, she could have sworn she heard a quiet echo.

Don’t listen to them, Ahsoka. You’re stronger than this. Fight them.

Before she could identify the voice, she was gone. Her mind had been sucked into nothingness, and she welcomed the silence.

~*~*~*~

“You’ve lost quite a lot of blood, Lady Tano. If I hadn’t found you when I did, I fear you wouldn’t have made it off that ship alive.”

Ahsoka groaned as she tried to sit up. Her montrals rang with an echo that was no longer there. Her head pounded as if someone had taken a hammer to it. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the low levels of light that permeated the area.

“What?”

There was a sigh of exasperation somewhere to her left, and she put a hand to her forehead as she turned to look for the source of the voice. She noticed that her arms had been bandaged, and an uncomfortable pain shot through her shoulder as she moved. “Where am I?”

“Aboard my shuttle. Alive. And in one piece.”

The shadows spoke to her, and she narrowed her eyes to try and make out the form of who spoke. The voice sounded familiar.

It tsked her quietly. “I’d hate to think that I never at least made an impression on you, Lady Tano. Or, maybe you took one too many blaster shots to the head.”

There was only one person that deep voice could belong to. “Maul?”

“Obviously.”

Ahsoka sighed and tried to gather her bearings as she looked around. She found herself in a small shuttle, one that seemed barely big enough to house the two of them. She mentally took stock of her situation and quickly assessed that she had extensive injuries. She hissed when she tried to move her arm, pain shooting through her shoulder and down her back.

A quiet sigh came from him and he moved to help her. “You took quite the beating.”

“Obviously,” she said, snapping a glare in his direction. He chuckled.

“At least you haven’t lost your spirit.”

Ahsoka appraised him silently as he carefully helped her stand and orient herself. “How long…” Maul raised an eyebrow marking at her, and she shakily finished her sentence. “How long was I out of it?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment as his eyes softened. “Four days.”

Her eyes widened and her mind started to throw itself into a panic. Realizing what was about to happen, Maul set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Take a deep breath, Lady Tano. You’re safe.”

She did as he asked, squeezing her eyes shut as she did. She couldn’t afford to lose control. Not now. And not in front of Maul.

“I know this is hard,” he said softly. “You can take the time to grieve. Nothing is going to happen to you while you are in my care.”

Ahsoka looked at him with suspicion and curiosity. Why was he being kind?

As if reading her mind, he scoffed. “If I wanted to kill you, Lady Tano, I would have left you on that ship.”

~*~*~*~

Ahsoka slowly and warily opened her eyes, unsure of where she was going to find herself. But when she saw the metal grate of the floor of her ship, she let out a quiet sigh of relief. She pulled herself into a sitting position and eventually struggled to her feet. She looked at herself in the mirror, and she hardly recognized the person staring back at her.

Her face had thinned considerably. Probably because she hadn’t been taking the best care of herself. Despite her efforts, she somehow managed to stay alive. And her body was beginning to pay the price.

With a sigh, Ahsoka scrubbed a hand down her face and turned on the water. She dried her face with a towel before making her way back to her small quarters. The ship she was piloting, the Proxima, was big enough to carry her, another passenger, and some cargo. It wasn’t the fanciest vessel in the world by any means, but it did its job and got her across the galaxy. She had managed to send off a few secure subspace transmissions to Obi Wan, who she recently discovered was still alive. She’d tried to track him down, but he was good at not being found when he didn’t want to be. Ahsoka supposed that’s probably what kept him under the Empire’s radar for so long.

He had assured her that he was okay and offered his condolences when she told him that Anakin was dead. They managed to say their goodbyes properly and went their separate ways.

Ahsoka rummaged through her small storage bin, looking for some clothes that she hadn’t worn for weeks on end. She was running out of motivation to do anything, and that included her laundry.

When her comm link beeped a couple times, she paused, frowning for a moment as she looked at her wrist. Whatever the message was, it wasn’t fully translating on the portable link. She abandoned her search for clean clothes as she made her way to the cockpit. She dropped into the pilot’s chair and tapped a few buttons, waiting for the program to run the decryption and translation.

A few moments later, and a hologram of a woman appeared in front of her. She raised an eyebrow marking as she recognized her face.

“Jhas?” she muttered, frowning at the image.

“I know you might not get this for a while, Fulcrum. But I have some intel you might be interested.”

Part of the message glitched out after that, but Ahsoka widened her eyes and had to rewind it a couple times to make sure she hadn’t misheard anything.

“Come to Dantooine. There’s a small group of us here, and we need your help. Oh, and that intel? It’s about Maul.”

She sat back in her seat with a thud, eyes wide with shock.

She’d played it three times, and she knew she wasn’t hearing things.

Maul.

Maul is alive.

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[val-aquenta]

1,2,15,and 22 for the writer asks?

Ooh Yay! Thanks for the ask! Maybe I’m procrastinating writing??? but whatever, this is fun!

1. Is there a favorite character or title you enjoy writing for the most?

heh this is easy. I’m perpetually stuck between Mace, Obi-Wan, Yoda, or Luminara. Yoda I prefer to write as a side character tbh mainly because I want him to be extra grandpa to his fellow Jedi lmao. But yeah, I love writing Obi-Wan because I feel like we’re pretty similar and I can sink into his thought process quite easily which is a plus. Mace is a really fun character to write because I like to balance his emotional/soft side with his more rational, I have to do what is necessary side. Personally I also empathise with Mace a whole bunch because I also have quite a large rational side, which is a plus. I tend to think that he usually knows what he needs to do and he might dislike it, but he will still do it. I just love Mace, okay, and of course I’m overwriting shitty fanon Mace Windu because no he doesn’t hate Anakin, and yes he loves Depa so much that when she didn’t give him a hug he was super depresso. He’s just so sweet, but he knows that sometimes shit has to be done and moping around complaining won’t make anything better. Luminara is just sweet. I want to write so much more for her, but I tend to have her as a side character in my fics (a tragedy I know) but I am working on making her more of a main character is some fics. She’s very much like Mace in that she understands that sometimes to do the right thing, you must sacrifice stuff that you love which is commendable imo. She also loves Barriss very much and I headcanon that she and Obi-Wan are best buds. She and Obi-Wan definitely geek out about the stupidest shit, you can’t change my mind. 

2.  Is there a least favorite character or title you dislike writing for?

Uhh... typically I tend to avoid characters who I don’t want to write because i find it difficult to write them and not enjoyable. But I’ll share a few for this sake. Palpatine kinda makes me feel slimy when I write him. It can be fun to write crack Palpatine, but realistic trying to write him can be a nightmare for me. I don’t really know how to write manipulative sheev well, so I feel it ends up very much crackfic feelings. 

Anakin is also difficult, but sometimes I enjoy the challenge. He can be pretty complex to some, but for me the pain is trying to write his priorities because christ he can’t get them straight at all. Post!aotc Anakin is obviously placing Padmè VERY high (at the top lmao) but not really because if it were that he’d leave the order to be with her. Idk I get very confused writing him. I also feel very apprehensive posting stuff with Anakin because I know a lot of people love him and have somewhat specific (typically fanon) ideas about him and also have very strong feelings about those. I’m not saying you can’t have them, but sometimes I worry that I’ll be attacked because my view on Anakin is far from friendly lmao. Tbh Padmè suffers similarly because I don’t know how to write her without being mean xD. I don’t really understand many of her motivations surrounding the secret marriage and shit and her prioritisation is also strange. I mean the whole ignoring the Tusken massacre basically and only turning from Anakin after Anakin tells his part in breaking the Republic (not listening to Obi-Wan say he killed Jedi) makes it ahrd to sympathise. Fandom has a typically positive view of her and I don’t want to anger anyone with my views, so I try to keep a somewhat ambivalent take with her. I haven’t written anything starring her/them together much so yeah. 

I actually like writing Ahsoka because she’s pretty cool, but I’m very nervous posting stuff about her post wrong Jedi arc because I think my views on it are pretty unpopular, and some of her fans are very... vehement about their views which is fine as logn as you’re not trying to invalidate my interpretation you know? Kind of makes me sad since I do love her character, but sometimes her fans put me off. 

Idk if this counts but also romance. Personally never really had a great one, so I don’t understand how to properly write it which makes it hard, and I don’t see the draw of it. I tend to both read and write platonic stuff. Lots of gen for me :)

15. What made you start to write fanfiction/stories?

I think @jedimasterbailey said she started writing Luminara stuff/fanfic in general because of the amount of Luminara slander and I kind of do the same but for jedi hate in general. Also, more specifically, Mace Windu hate. It just grinds on my nerves, but I’m not going to sit here and say people can’t write what they do, so yeah I just started writing my own to hopefully inspire others to do the same, or to just shove more pro Jedi shit out there ahaha. I’ve actually gotten a few comments of people saying that my fics have made them like/appreciate Mace a bit more which means a lot since he’s one of my favourite characters. 

More than that, thought, I just enjoy fanfic. I had loads of ideas for stories from multiple fandoms and I thought I might start posting some of them because they’re doing nothing just chilling in my drive. Also all the lovely writers of fic in multiple fandoms inspired me, so thanks to you I kind of got the courage to actually upload anything :)

22. Care to share any future WIP ideas you have lined up?

Ooh boy I got loads heheh. But I’ll talk of a few. So I had this idea about a time travel au (I know so original xD) and it was supposed to be Obi-Wan going back in time, but I actually wanted to kind of combine two different ideas, one being Ahsoka as Obi-Wan’s padawan, and a time travel au to one. So yeah... I have a fic in the works about an Ahsoka who travels back right after Vader kills her on Malachor (no Ezra saving her) and who becomes Obi-Wan’s padawan. This one’s a bit in the begining so it will probably be a while before anything’s posted, but if you want to send some kind of help for it I would appreciate a lot. This will probs be my first really longer fic, so I’m worried I’ll lose motivation which is why I’m going to plan it a bit more than most of my other stuff. I’m so excited because the idea has been bouncing around my head for so long!!!

I have another that is much closer to finishing which is a little 5+1 fic about Obi-Wan and the name Ben. I want to change a few things before posting but it should be coming around soon. It’s a little angsty, but mostly fluff.

Last one I’ll talk about, I promise haha. This one is a little uncertain of when I’ll finish because it’s somewhat written out, but the last bit is KILLING me. It’s an essay style writing up of order 66 and the empires rise. Kind of examining public opinion and stuff about it. Basically exploring how the genocide has affected the universe. It is written after the empire falls, so it talks a bit about the shitty Empire and propoganda and is just a pro jedi love letter xD

[morganas-pendragons]

take my hand, i’ll keep you close | obi-wan

in which i cannot do short titles anymore, sorry 

requested by @karasong​: may i please request an obi-wan/reader where they get stuck in the rain and he’s upset about it but the reader takes the opportunity to dance in it and he can’t help but smile, and then they dance together? 

made this a female reader, i hope it’s okay!!!

this is 100% a steal of can i have this dance from high school musical and no, i’m not sorry - and yes, it’s the planet from the scene where anakin eats bugs in the cartoon nope i’m also not sorry for that either 

tagging: @obiorbenkenobi​ // @dressed-up-heartbreak​ 

This was so not the way he wanted to spend his day. It was supposed to be a relatively easy mission to Nelvaan. A relatively easy mission in which the two of you were scoping out the area for General Grievous, who had supposedly been spotted in this sector and had been.. well.. evasive for the most part. 

Now here you both sat tucked away in a hidden area waiting for Anakin who had gone maker knew where. Obi-Wan was asleep to your left, head resting in your lap as you both tried and failed to sleep in one of the most beautiful storms you’d ever seen. 

Fortunately for you, you loved storms. How can you not love that in which you are the living embodiment of? 

  “You’re staring again.” 

Water dropped from a nearby overhang and dampened the hood of his cloak as he nestled deeper into it. “How can I not?” You marveled. “We’ve been here for a kriffing month. I’m tired of sitting around and doing nothing while Anakin traipses around out there.” 

  “We’re not doing nothing. We’re waiting for... ah.. relief.” Which basically meant i’m gonna whine here like a child in the créche because i’m not getting my way until the actual relief did come. 

You gently laid his head back on the wooden bench the two of you had been sitting on and shed your robes and saber beside him before taking one last look at the brewing storm just outside your refuge. “Yeah, well.” You replied swiftly. “I’m looking for relief. I’d like to not be a Jedi for five minutes. You wanna join me?” 

He sunk deeper into his robe and harrumphed in reply, crossing his arms over his chest before turning his head away from you. Obi-Wan had grown up on Coruscant which had a mildly temperate climate anyways, which means he wasn’t nearly as accustomed to weather like this as you were. It made him, well.. grumpy. 

It was kind of cute. 

“No. You enjoy yourself.” His expression softened briefly for a moment as Obi-Wan looked you up and down before curling back against the wall. “You deserve a relief.” 

Your heart sank. This war had barely started and yet you knew it would have a long-lasting effect on his heart. Maybe even his soul. It wasn’t like he wasn’t a walking tragedy already with how much suffering he’d endured since Naboo and before. 

  “So do you.” 

With that, you ventured out into the dark. Obi-Wan watched as a brilliant crack of lightning consumed the darkness of the sky that spread out before him - illuminating your figure in an aura of white light - before he allowed his eyes to shift away from the growing storm and back to you. 

You. In all your silver tongued, quick witted, sharp skills with your mouth and saber and a knack for absolutely demolishing the enemy before he could fully conclude his terms of surrender negotiations with the opposing General. You’d lost your clone squad months ago - the reason why, you’d never said and he absolutely understood why once he saw your nightmares firsthand - but after that, you were a force to be reckoned with. Fighting alongside you put him at ease. 

However, this was a different type of ease. This was peace. Seeing you out there in that storm and spinning without a care in the world made his heart clench as he suddenly realized why he was so drawn to you. You were what he wanted when the war was over. You were safety, security, assurance, goodness... 

You were what The Jedi should’ve been. Would never be. Maybe he should’ve aspired to be more like you. 

  “C’mon, Obi-Wan!” You yelled across the clearing. It was relatively clear of any droids and there was no one in sight outside of the clone scouts on the perimeter on the outskirts of the siege, which meant that the two of you were alone. “Stop being a kriffing buzzkill! Come dance with me!” 

Ah. One problem. He didn’t know how to dance. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi wanted to be at home in The Temple in his bed. He wanted a warm meal and companionship and lightsaber training with Anakin, he wanted to not be in a war because this wasn’t the purpose of Jedi. They were peacekeepers. Not soldiers. 

Maybe for a moment. Maybe he’ll drop The Negotiator and The General for just a moment to allow himself the ability to be just.. Obi-Wan. A man. A human man who, no matter how much he denied it, had desires. A heart. 

They seemed to all revolve around you. 

You looked like a girl. A woman who had never had the opportunity to do things normal girls did. A girl soaked to the bone by the chilling rain that poured down from the skies as they broke open and cast the world in darkness. Despite that, there you were, your Force Signature the brightest light in an otherwise bleak world. 

So he followed you - followed your light - into the dark. 

Boots caked with mud and robes dripping wet with the chill of the rain, Obi-Wan ventured into the open and for a split second allowed himself to forget about the war. He forgot about the clones who had died and the Jedi who had followed them, he’d forgotten about the threat of the Sith and The Chosen One and just allowed himself to exist. Just for a moment. 

The real part - the part where he lived - was birthed whenever he met you across the gap. 

  “C’mon, Obi-Wan.” You mused. Your voice was just barely audible enough to be heard over the rumble of thunder that resounded ahead. “Take my hand. What are you afraid of? A girl?” 

It’s not the girl. It’s falling in love with the girl he was afraid of. 

  “I must confess, my dear-” Obi-Wan went scarlet as your brow rose and you again motioned with a flick of your gaze to your waving fingers that were gestured out towards him. He rubbed the nape of his neck awkwardly as you waited for him to continue. “I am unsure of how to dance.” 

  “Well, lucky for you..” You took his left hand in your own and laid the other one against the swell of your hip, nearly visible through the sheer fabric of your tunic. It took every ounce of his self control to not allow his eyes to travel below your shoulders. “Well, fortunately for you, I grew up amongst the wealthiest people on Alderaan. I spent much of my adolescence learning the art of dancing. You just happen to have the perfect partner.” 

Ah. That he did.

  “We have no music.” He argued. 

You tilted your chin up to look at the blues of his eyes. “You don’t need it,” You said. “Follow my lead. I’ll keep you close.” 

Take my hand, take a breath, pull me close and take one step 

Obi-Wan was nothing if not a quick learner. He listened to the words of your songs as if they were the same words spoken by Master Jinn, by Master Yoda, by his crèche teacher all those years ago. He wanted to learn what you were trying to teach him. 

Keep your eyes locked with mine 

And let the music be your guide 

The mud beneath your feet became forgotten and the rain nothing but a numbing chill as you allowed yourself to sink into the familiarity of Obi-Wan Kenobi and the warmth that was his Force Signature. His hand at your hip, the piercing blue of his eyes that never left yours, the way he moved in perfect sync with your movements. 

He fought and danced the same way he moved. Gracefully, beautifully, and with the perfect poise. Little did Obi-Wan know that this specific song - a confession of hidden feelings - was meant to be a way for the possibility of more to bloom. He had to be willing to take it. He had to want it as badly as you did. 

Now would you promise me, that you’ll never forget

To keep dancing wherever we go next? 

On a ridge overlooking the clearing the two of you occupied, Marshall Commander Cody smiled to himself as he peered through the haze of rain that fogged his scope. There was nothing he’d wanted more then his General to be happy for the moment they’d met. Even through the scopes, Cody could see that happiness he so often denied himself very much came from you. 

it’s my catch of lightning, the chances of finding someone like you 

The longer you danced, the more vulnerable the gaps in your shielding were. Being around Obi-Wan and repressing your feelings for so long even after knowing each other for a short amount of time had been difficult, to say the least, but now that you were in the middle of either the best or worst choice you’d ever made, you wanted him to see it. You wanted him to see you and how you’d dreamt for the future. 

A future that always, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, somehow included him. 

It’s one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do

And with every step together

We just keep on getting better 

The galaxy talks about Kenobi and Skywalker. But will they talk about you two? The perfect partners? The calm to his chaos? The warmth to your chill? How you were always at his back on the battlefield, and how he carried you across a war zone - bloody and bruised and dying - to get you to the Cruiser because he’d rather risk his own life then lose yours? 

Can I have this dance... Can I have this dance? 

  “Do you feel it?!” You yelled over the pouring rain, arms outstretched as he’d grown so much more confident in his abilities that Obi-Wan was spinning you around the same way you’d spun yourself before you started. You didn’t see the way he grinned. The way his Force shined because of your joy. 

  “Feel what?” 

  “Free!” 

Oh, no mountain's too high and no ocean's too wide 'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop

Neither of you had realized how much time had passed as the rain slowed to a drizzle and the sun began to peer over the forest around you. You were too enraptured with each other. 

Let it rain, let it pour, what we have is worth fighting for You know I believe that we were meant to be, yeah

  “Your thoughts of the future are beautiful.” 

You steadied your hands against his shoulders as he nudged your cheek with his nose while you continued to hum as daylight shone over you both. “They’re only beautiful because you’re in it.” You murmured. “If you want it - want that future - come take it.” 

  “We have a war to fight.” A brutally true reality. “Are you sure there will be an after?” 

It's like catching lightning The chances of finding someone like you

You pushed wet robes off his shoulders and ruffled his hair to where it hung just over his brow bone. Disregarding the precise calculation of each movement of his feet, Obi-Wan tossed all care into the wind and took both of your hands to rest against his face.

It's one in a million, the chances to feeling

The way we do

  “As long as we stay together, there’ll always be an after.” 

And with every step together

We just keep on getting better 

  “Be with me. Not just now, but when we’re on the battlefield and when we win the war and when we leave The Order to find our after.” The two of you slow to a stop, and he nodded and nodded and nodded again to show you that he meant it, and before you could help yourself - you were kissing the living daylights out of Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

So can I have this dance? 

[padawanlost]

What do you think would happen if Anakin did tell the Jedi about his nightmares? I know some like to believe that it would be a happy au and everyone stays alive but wouldn’t order 66 still be executed, with or without Anakin?

Anakin did tell the Jedi about his nightmares. The fact Anakin had visions, nightmares and trouble sleeping was common knowledge to those close to him. Obi-wan knew since he was kid and Anakin literary told Yoda about his premonitions. 

But this morning, despite clearly having other things on his mind—even Anakin’s Force perceptions, far from the most subtle, had detected echoes of conflict and worry within the Master’s chamber—Yoda had simply offered Anakin a place on one of the softly rounded pod seats and suggested that they meditate together. He hadn’t even asked for details. Anakin had been so grateful—and so relieved, and so unexpectedly hopeful—that he’d found tears welling into his eyes, and some few minutes had been required for him to compose himself into proper Jedi serenity. After a time, Yoda’s eyes had slowly opened and the deep furrows on his ancient brow had deepened further. “Premonitions … premonitions … deep questions they are. Sense the future, once all Jedi could; now few alone have this skill. Visions … gifts from the Force, and curses. Signposts and snares. These visions of yours …” “They are of pain,” Anakin had said. “Of suffering.” He had barely been able to make himself add: “And death.” “In these troubled times, no surprise this is. Yourself you see, or someone you know?” Anakin had not trusted himself to answer. “Someone close to you?” Yoda had prompted gently. “Yes,” Anakin had replied, eyes turned away from Yoda’s too-wise stare. Let him think he was talking about Obi-Wan. It was close enough. Yoda’s voice was still gentle, and understanding. “The fear of loss is a path to the dark side, young one.” “I won’t let my visions come true, Master. I won’t.” “Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them not. Miss them not.” “Then why do we fight at all, Master? Why save anybody?” “Speaking of anybody, we are not,” Yoda had said sternly. “Speaking of you, and your vision, and your fear, we are. The shadow of greed, attachment is. What you fear to lose, train yourself to release. Let go of fear, and loss cannot harm you.” Which was when Anakin had realized Yoda wasn’t going to be any help at all. The greatest sage of the Jedi Order had nothing better to offer him than more pious babble about Letting Things Pass Out Of His Life. Like he hadn’t heard that a million times already. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Anakin’s dreams, nightmares and sleep problems were mostly ignore by his masters. This happened before with Shmi:

“But these are more than …” Anakin started to say, but he stopped and sighed and shook his head. “Are they dreams, or are they visions? Are they images of what has been, or do they tell of something that is yet to be?” “Or are they just dreams?” Obi-Wan said, his gentle smile showing through his scraggly beard. “Not every dream is a premonition, some vision, or some mystical connection. Some dreams are just … dreams, and even Jedi have dreams, young Padawan.” Anakin didn’t seem very satisfied with that. He just shook his head again. “Dreams pass in time,” Obi-Wan told him. [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

This is probably the result of the Order’s take on nightmares:

‘“Can you also control your nightmares?” Bultar’s eyes narrowed. Anakin sensed she was studying him the way she might study an especially difficult puzzle or perhaps a dangerous creature. Then calmly, as if to a child, she replied, “Jedi don’t have nightmares.” Anakin appeared to consider this, then said, “Of course.” “I’ll wait in the hall while you get cleaned up,” Bultar said. She turned away, and the door slid shut, leaving Anakin alone in the dark room. Anakin looked again to the mirror and stared hard at his reflection. He grimaced. “Jedi don’t have nightmares,” he muttered to himself. “Jedi… don’t… have… nightmares.”He wished it were true.’ ‘ Star Wars Adventures: The Hostage Princess by Ryder Windham

Jedi don’t have nightmares. That’s a lesson Anakin learned:

impetuous, aggravating and charming all at once. “You had a nightmare again last night,” she said quietly, when Anakin at last opened his blue eyes. “Jedi don’t have nightmares,” came the defiant reply. [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

Anakin telling the Jedi about his nightmares wouldn’t have done anything because he told the actual leader of the Order in canon and it ended terribly. The only person that maybe would’ve been able to understand or maybe comfort Anakin was Obi-wan. He’s the only who has ignored Anakin’s visions in the past and witnessed the pain it caused Anakin later. Sadly, when Anakin goes to find the conversation derails before he gets a chance to explain:

But now here was Obi-Wan—Obi-Wan would help him, Anakin knew he would—if only Anakin could figure out the right way to ask … While he was still hunting for words, Obi-Wan reached him. “You missed the report on the Outer Rim sieges.” “I—was held up,” Anakin said. “I have no excuse.” That, at least, was true. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

But, tbh, for Obi-wan to listen to Anakin and everyone get a happy ending so much would’ve to change too. Anakin’s relationship would’ve to be different because it’s clear he has a hard time talking to Obi-wan because the relationship is somewhat strained. And Palpatine’s actions would have to change because he knew Obi-wan had to be removed from the picture for him to turn Anakin. So, for Anakin to walk up to Obi-wan and confess everything we would have to change their relationship and Palpatine. that’s why I don’t believe that if Anakin had simply told Obi-wan everything would’ve been fix. 

Anakin telling Obi-wan would give him confort but it would’ve changed Palpatine’s plans or the political climate of the moment. It wouln’t change the rest of the Council, the Senate, the war, the clone army or Order 66. So, yeah, Anakin sharing his nightmares would not guarantee anyone a happy ending.

[imagineaworlds]

I Do It All For You -- Obi-Wan Kenobi

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: None.

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Reader

Word Count: 1048

As I started to wake up, I could feel that the space beside me in the bed was now empty, and I figured that he must have gotten up early to train or to meditate. I didn’t blame him… There was so much going on in the world— in his world. He was suffering, and he wouldn’t even talk to me about it. I think he almost felt guilty because after it all happened, I was the first person he came to… and we finally kissed. Because why not, right? The Jedi Order was gone, and he had lost everything and almost died. With no Council to tell him that he couldn’t love me, he immediately found me and collapsed in my arms.

But now he was different. He wasn’t the Obi-Wan I knew. He wasn’t the little Obi-Wan who grew up fawning over Satine, and he wasn’t the same Obi-Wan who nearly gave up everything for me. He was just a broken man now. And I wanted so badly for him to just tell me what happened and what he was feeling— but I supposed that he found that comfort in meditation and training, instead. I didn’t blame him for wanting to have some kind of normalcy in his life, and that all had to start with maintaining his schedule.

I turned over in the bed to see if my suspicions were true. Of course I sighed when I saw that Obi-Wan wasn’t laying beside me. He had made the bed nicely for me so that I wouldn’t get cold if I rolled over. I wiped my face of my sleep and stared at the ceiling.

Tatooine was hot, but being inside sometimes made it better— however I could never understand how it was that Obi-Wan could sit out in the heat for hours on end during meditation without even flinching the slightest bit. Sometimes I wish that I had what he had just so that I could understand him better.

“Sleep well?” his voice echoed smoothly from the doorway.

I looked over at him and smiled, “Nearly.”

“Another nightmare?”

I nodded, “The same one.”

“You know that there’s nothing to fear, my love. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“I know…” I whispered.

It was the same dream that I had been having since everything went wrong that fateful day. I had been with the Senator when we got word that the Temple was under attack. He had seen my face, and he had known why I looked pale, and that was why he offered to take me to the Temple. Together, we went to see who— if anyone— was still alive. When we got there, we were met by a squad of clones pointing blasters in our faces and telling us to leave immediately. When the Senator and I started making our way back to the vehicle, a young padawan emerged and attacked the clones. When they killed him, they turned their weapons on us.

I thought Obi-Wan had died that day in that Temple and my heart wrenched again and again. I felt like I was going to die. Even the Senator was sure of it. No one, not even the Masters themselves, could have survived such a traitorous attack. We knew that Coruscant was no longer safe for us. If they ever knew what we saw— or worse what Obi-Wan had told me over the years— they’d kill us without a second thought.  So we ran.

We called out to every Jedi Master’s last known location, but it was hard due to the lack of communication the Council always had with us. We never knew where Anakin and Obi-Wan were being sent next, let alone the other Jedi warriors. For hours we flew around the galaxy in search of our friends, yet no one responded. Master Yoda, Master Windu, Master Plo Koon. All were silent, and we all feared the worst.

Then one miracle came after the other. As I grieved the loss of Obi-Wan, Senator Organa continued his search for his friends. The whole ship erupted with cheers when we finally received word back from Master Yoda, who soon after boarded our ship. The Senator and I were the first ones to approach him, bombarding him with so many questions that he grew overwhelmed. I took a step back and looked down at myself. He was gone and I had to live with that.

“So sad you look, young one. Reason for this, is there?” he asked me.

I nodded, “I fear for Master Kenobi and Master Skywalker’s safety, Master Yoda. It wounds me to think that we’ve lost so many.”

“Dear one, hope there still is, yes? Unsure we all are. Come. Discuss what we know, we must.”

We went to speak with the wise Master privately and he told us everything he knew. He sensed that many Jedi were dead, but when he saw my face, he assured us that there were still some of them left out there, hiding until it would be safe to resurface. I asked Master Yoda if he knew where Obi-Wan was sent before he went missing. Utapau, he told us. Bail Organa informed the room that the planet had fallen to General Grievous and his army of droids.

But the dream always ended differently than how things really happened. In reality, we had finally made contact with Obi-Wan and we rescued him. However, in my dreams we would visit Utapau and discover that he was dead. Over and over again. It was my worst nightmare. To think that there was a chance that I may have never seen Obi-Wan again. Or what if Anakin had killed him on Mustafar? My stomach turned.

“I love you,” Obi-Wan said, still standing in the doorway.

I looked up at him and nodded, “I know… I just don’t want it to ever come true. All the love in the world can’t stop me from worrying.”

“You know that I do it all for you. Don’t you, my love?” He tried to force a small smile onto his sad face. “It’s all to keep you safe.”

I nodded, “I love you.”

He neared the bed, climbed under the blankets, and pulled me close to his chest. “I can never lose you.”

---

star wars family: @sardonicxhumor @flewe @peggy1999 @extra-trash77 @blu3-wine @polaroids @gorgeousdarkangel @cassiopeia-barrow @starryrevelations @marvelismylifffe @Mackie-winchester @bloodyprincess22 @alex--awesome--22 @multifandomgirl16​ @qwerty103 @that-girl-named-alex​ @Lijgffvnj

[cassandras-nest]

Brother.

this is , finally, the request @angelwars11​ made me for my 500 celebration (took too long to write it, i know)

she asked for a Cody-Rex hurt/comfort - sick fic, but i have to be honest here, i never wrote or read a sick fic so i tried my way. I think i made the hurt/comfort trope justice a bit.

a major thank u to @deakysgurl​ for being so kind to be my beta in this, even if she’s not into Star Wars.

warnings: after Umbara arc, hint of sickness.

(didn’t remember if Cody is actually older than Rex so i made it my own way)

___________

If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe

“No!”

Krell, Hardcase, all those men, Waxer... Not again, I'm not losing you all again, not again... Umbara again...not again, no!

Rex woke up screaming, drenched in sweat, his eyes wide open with fear... all images of Umbara's failure still in his head.

It was a nightmare, all those memories in his head again, memories of many brothers being killed, memories of his men who trusted him with their lives dying for an idiotic reason.

Just a nightmare, just a nightmare... he whispered trying to calm down, his heart still beating fast and his breathing irregular.

I need to calm down - easier said than done, he repeated quietly to himself.

It was far too early to get out of bed. But he was already awake and terrified that he would sleep again, afraid that the same nightmare might haunt him again or worse, that he would never wake up again.

After that disastrous campaign, after that fatal mistake, everyone suffered from nightmares. He was the one who suffered the most, not that he had told anything to anyone, not even to Cody, although he was probably the only one who would better understand right now. Something inside him broke forever, he wasn't the same. And maybe he never would have been.

He started to feel sick a few days later, but he didn't care. He blamed the lack of sleep and intense working hours, after all the war never rested, so why should he do that?

He didn't even care when he started to have a slight fever, it was all due to stress, he thought anew. Even though initially, Kix advised him that he should have stopped and started taking care of himself, he didn't listen.

“I am the Captain, I have duties“ He replied, almost annoyed, only to be reprimanded by the latter.

“You can't fulfill your duties if you die, captain” That was the harsh answer the medic gave him.

Unfortunately, he could not hold him against his will, so he had to let him go.

As expected, he started to feel worse the night before. Dizziness, excessive sweating, even vomiting a couple of times. In the morning he looked like someone who had been swallowed up by a feral hungry beast and spat out immediately afterwards. But still, he decided to carry on. He would have slept afterwards.

I have duties... He kept repeating himself.

Just outside his quarters, Cody was waiting for him. It wasn't unusual, he used to do it when they had a meeting together, but this time it was clearly different.

“Kix told me…” It was the first thing Cody said to him, and from the look on his face, he certainly wanted to know more...

“I'm fine, Cody. Trust me” He answered him quickly and started walking to the strategy room.

Cody looked at him for a moment, he looked like he was burning and had little drops of sweat on the sides of his head. No, he wasn't fine.

“You don't look good, Rex. Why didn't you come and talk to me?” Cody asked frankly while keeping up with his brother's pace.

“It's just stress. There's nothing to worry about. It would pass, as usual.” Rex tried to tone it down, forcing a smile.

“It's not like that. Kix told me you started having a fever days ago. Again, promise me you'll get some rest after this? Okay?” Cody pressed on.

“I am not a child, I know what I can do and what not” Rex replied visibly altered, stopping in his tracks and facing him.

He might be sick, but he didn't need his older brother to babysit him.

“Kriffin' hell, I'm worried about you…” Cody reacted.

He was damn worried about his brother, Rex was a little younger than him so he felt he had to be a good example, the burden of being the big brother was on him, he was his ori'vod afterall. But he also knew he couldn't force him to do anything, he'd always been damn stubborn.

“We'll talk about it later…” Rex concluded, entering the main room first, Cody followed him.

Only they didn't because Rex passed out in the middle of the discussion about the next battle strategy. He was delirious and trembling when Cody knelt before him, terrified to see his helpless brother.

Rex was frightened of who knows what and feverish as he tried to push away anyone who came near him, eyes closed and shallow breathing.

Obi-Wan and Anakin, also caught by surprise at first, did everything they could to help and took action immediately.

“Call Kix now!” Anakin barked at a nearby trooper as he knelt beside Cody, while Obi-Wan hurried out to get help too.

“What happened?” Anakin asked promptly to the Marshal Commander.

“I don't know much, Sir. All I know is it's been days, even Kix warned him to slow down, after Umbara... well, he hasn't slept much since” Cody said. True to his words, he didn't know much but he knew his brother was sick and he was absolutely sure of that, even though that di'kut didn't want to talk to him.

“Since then? Why didn't he come to me... or to you, to talk? Why do you have to be so stubborn? Huh, Rex?” Anakin answered, his last words almost whispered. 

“I think, as far as I know, he didn't want to let you down, Sir, after the last mission he was sure it was partly his fault, so he thought he had to make it up to you, somehow.” Cody said while looking at his brother still unconscious on the floor.

Rex was shaking a little and while both Cody and Anakin were trying to take off the top of his armor to give him more room to breathe, they tried to reassure him even though maybe he couldn't hear them.

“I knew it” Kix groaned as he entered the room followed by Obi-Wan “I knew I had to tie him down to the bed two days ago” He added as he made his way over to the other two.

“Sir, Cody.” Kix said once he approached them “Nice thought taking his armor off, but now I need you two to help me take him to the medbay and probably tie him up for real this time” He continued, instructing them on what to do next.

Cody and Anakin went into action immediately, lifting Rex's body and promptly following Kix.

Once there, he was finally put on a cot and left in the capable hands of his medic.

“If I may, sir, I'd like to stay here until Rex wakes up.” Cody asked Anakin promptly, even though he wasn't his direct superior.

“Of course, you can, I'll inform Obi-Wan don't worry, but as soon as he wakes up, please let me know.” Anakin asked, visibly concerned.

“Will do, sir. Thank you, sir.” Cody answered, standing at attention.

In the following days, Cody didn't leave that room even to eat, and when Kix ordered him to rest, he refused.

….

“Get some rest, Cody. I assure you he'll be all right when you come back." Kix said one afternoon, entering the medbay for his usual checkups and finding the Commander half asleep on an uncomfortable chair.

“With all due respect, you're not my doctor and I'll only get some sleep when Rex wakes up” Cody replied with too much annoyance in his voice.

“All right, whatever. But if you change your mind, I've got some empty beds you could use... I mean…” Kix casually said as he continued his rounds with his other patients.

Cody was tired, yes, but he felt like he owed it to him, to Rex.

He wanted to be the first one to insult him as soon as he woke up. He'd never seen him this sick before, and it haunted him.

Rex woke up five days later, still light-headed with painkillers and a burning sense of unease. He tried to move but he felt tired and numb, he was aching everywhere and could barely see. He had restraints, that he could feel. Someone had tied him up.

“What in the karkin’ hell happened.” he thought at first.

Then he saw Cody, asleep in a chair next to him. He tried to call him, but his voice was struggling to get out, so he waited and tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to sleep, he was just confused.

About thirty minutes went by, but Cody finally woke up. The first thing he did was to check on his little brother, finding him awake but barely conscious.

“Rex... Rex, how are you feeling? Can you hear me?” He tried to ask. He was bloody worried.

“I'm fine..“ It was the only thing Rex answered. His voice still hoarse but a little smile appeared on his face.

“Oh thank the Maker..” Cody relaxed but then added “And anyway, what the hell were you thinking, you could have died.” He said with a slight pinch of voice.  

“Codes...I don't think, I mean, i didn’t..” Rex tried to talk again... but damn it, he was getting tired already.

“Right, you didn't think... you reckless, inconsiderate son of a…” Cody raised his voice but then he stopped.

He didn't want to cry, after all, he was the big brother, but he was scared. 

After all, since the incident and the mission that had cost both of them significant lives, the nightmares tortured him too, but he had to stay strong for everyone, it was his duty as Mashal Commander.

“Rex, I don't want to lose you...not after everything that happened…” He quietly added.

Rex looked up at him and for the first time, he saw his ori'vod scared, really scared. Cody had never been scared.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have..” He tried to talk again but he couldn't finish the sentence. He could feel the tears coming out and tried hard to keep from crying.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have…” Cody said to him. “..I'll always be there for you, you know that, right?” He added as he moved closer to the bed where Rex was and hugged him as close as he could.

"Yes... I know," Admitted Rex, trapped in his brother's embrace. "Just... can you take these ridiculous things off me first?" He added.

Cody stepped back and they both looked at the restraints that Rex had on both wrists.

“Yeah, I'm sorry... actually it was your medic's idea” Cody answered, offering him an embarrassed smile. 

“Kix..” Rex groaned “I knew it”   

“Look, they were necessary, he wanted to make sure you didn't run off on him again” Cody informed him.

“Of course..” Rex sighed and said nothing more.

“I'll go get him, okay? So besides taking these off, we' ll see how you are. And then I'm off to inform Skywalker” Cody said again, taking the situation in hand, instinct kicking in.

"The General? Why?" Rex asked surprised.

Sure, Skywalker cared a lot about his men, but he didn't expect him to care. He had other things to think about at the moment.

"He made me promise to let him know when he woke up. Let me tell you, he was seriously worried." Cody told him.

For Cody, it was a fairly normal behaviour, but he understood Rex's shock, for the whole society they were nobody and few of them were treated like living beings. So when someone cared about them, at first they were always suspicious.

“Ah, don't worry about that now, I'll go get Kix, alright?” Cody added on the way out.

“Codes..“ Rex called him again when the other one was just outside the door.

“Yeah?” He replied worriedly.

“Thank you.” Rex said in a low voice...

“It is my duty, vod'ika “ He smiled at him and then rushed to call Kix.

Seeing Cody smile even for a bit was a sight that Rex wanted to remember forever, just like when they were cadets and everything was easy, just like before the war.

______

as usual, if you like it, reblogs are love so as comments, advices & more.

[wolveria]

The Jedi’s Gambit - Ch. 2

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Cad Bane

Summary: The day Cad Bane turned himself in caused quite a stir at the Jedi Temple.

The way Luminara told it, he simply walked up the steps, approached the nearest Temple Guard, and said, “I surrender.” Toothy smirk and all.

Yes, Obi-Wan definitely had a bad feeling about this.

Prompt: Enemies to Lovers (for my writing challenge at @trashmenofmarvel​)

Word Count: 3k

AO3

The Council agreed that a Sith artifact and information revealing who had wanted to destroy the future of the Order through the abduction of Force-sensitive younglings was worth its weight in ingots.

Bu apparently, it wasn’t worth a full pardon.

Obi-Wan was stretched to his limits. He knew Bane had done unforgiveable things (killing Jedi amongst them), but they were losing the war. It wasn’t obvious at first glance, but like a glacier falling into the sea the Republic was slowly and inevitably sliding toward defeat. Information from someone like Bane, who worked in many elusive circles and had been in the game longer than most, was invaluable.

Plus, Bane could finally confirm the Council’s suspicions that the Sith Lord they had been searching for was responsible for the abduction of the Force-sensitive younglings, putting the entire future of the Order at risk.

Obi-Wan saw Bane’s demands as entirely within their power. The Council didn’t see it that way. They didn’t want to take the risk of pardoning the bounty hunter.

It was not the first time the Council had made a decision that struck Obi-Wan as unwise. Sometimes, he wondered if they prioritized purity over practicality. Of course, it was not unheard of that the Masters would deal with elements of the underworld, but apparently this was too much for their honor to accept.

Obi-Wan wanted to crack through his reserved composure and tell them their honor was ceded the moment they became the frontline soldiers in an intergalactic war.

He nearly shocked himself with the extent of his own unhappiness with the Council. Obi-Wan hadn’t always thought this way, but he couldn’t deny his faith had been shaken after his stint as the infamous Rako Hardeen.

He had voiced his doubts to no one. Who would he have told? Anakin? The boy’s faith in the Council was shaken enough—he didn’t need Obi-Wan to add to it.

Luminara? Hardly. She adhered to the Code even more stringently than Obi-Wan did, and that was saying something. She might try to be sympathetic to his new, unbidden feelings of conflict, but she wouldn’t understand them.

Mace? The wise Jedi might have understood. He had done things that weren’t exactly pristine during his tenure as a Jedi Master, and he might commiserate with Obi-Wan’s doubts now, but he couldn’t risk Mace losing faith in him either. If anyone looked at him too closely, stared just a little too long, they might sense his unfaltering trust in the Code had begun to…

Well, falter.

So, Obi-Wan kept his mouth shut, jaw clenched tightly as he listened to Mace, Ki-Adi-Mundi, and Yoda deliberate on Bane’s fate. In the end, they decided they needed to meditate on it, and Obi-Wan left the Council Chambers with a pulsating headache between his eyes. He’d told them about Bane’s condition, how he had suffered abuse at the hands of someone, and they’d made vague promises to look into the matter and then moved on to the next topic.

As if the idea of a Republic prisoner being tortured in their custody wasn’t something that needed serious attention.

He went to bed distressed that night. Even meditation couldn’t unburden his concerns and lingering sense of dread. Cad Bane never ceased to make matters more complicated, even when he was supposedly trying to cooperate. From his capture to his demands, nothing was simple and the Force hummed with an undercurrent of something larger at play. Obi-Wan just wished he wasn’t the only one who seemed to feel it.

And then there was the matter of Obi-Wan and his own complicated feelings in regards to the bounty hunter. He continued to push the memories of what happened on the Delano to the furthest reaches of his mind.

He hadn’t been the first Jedi to break the Code, and he certainly wouldn’t be the last, but Obi-Wan was quite sure none of his predecessors had broken their oath quite like he had. There had been many Jedi in the past that had “gotten in bed with the enemy” and joined the dark side. Obi-Wan had literally gotten into bed with the enemy, but still maintained he was on the side of the Light.

It was hypocritical, and dangerous, and it was why Obi-Wan had shut out all thoughts of Bane. It was why he had to do so now, and remain objective and fair when it came to Bane’s fate. The gnawing pit in his stomach had everything to do with getting the Sith artifact into safekeeping and nothing to do with any kind of concern for the reckless bounty hunter.

And yet… he couldn’t forget the look on Bane’s face as Obi-Wan had drawn near. Couldn’t ignore the way his chest hurt when he first saw Bane’s bruised face, and how he had pretended everything was typical and that he hadn’t been terribly abused by his captors.

Well, to hell with waiting around. Obi-Wan would investigate the matter himself. He didn’t need to wait for the Council’s approval for that. With that thought in mind, Obi-Wan finally shut his eyes to sleep.

When he opened them, he was no longer in his bedroom. Grey, glittering, uneven walls rose around him. He realized he was in a mineral quarry, surrounded by broken bits of blue gemstone that were strangely familiar.

“…die… my feet… like a man.”

“You’re not… piece of trash… disposed of as such…”

Obi-Wan turned to the sound of voices, catching their words in confused snippets of dialogue. He narrowed his vision and shaded his eyes from the lights above his head. Lights he realized belonged to a ship.

A Republic prisoner transport.

Finally, he saw them, figures gathered underneath the hull of the large vessel. Someone was on the ground, their hands bound behind their back.

Obi-Wan moved closer, his heart beginning to race in his chest. Something was very wrong here, and he realized why as he got close enough to make out the figures. Clone troopers surrounded the kneeling form, and Obi-Wan felt an unpleasant jolt go up his spine when he recognized the last figure.

Bane looked up at his captors as they said something else to him, the clone’s words oddly muffled, and then he seemed to sigh as he closed his eyes. His bony shoulders, normally pulled slightly back in confidence (and often arrogance), were now slumped in defeat.

But the look on his face was the most disturbing thing to Obi-Wan. It was unequivocally a look of relief.

The trooper held out his hand and another soldier gave him a handheld blaster. He aimed the weapon at the back of the bounty hunter’s bowed head.

“No!” Obi-Wan cried out, reaching his hand out as if he could stop the execution from this distance. But no one seemed to hear him or even know he was there, and he was forced to watch as the trooper pulled the trigger.

Bane fell forward, crumpling to the ground in a broken heap. The only movement after that was the wisp of steam rising from the barrel of the blaster.

Obi-Wan bolted upright with a cry on his lips, his throat tight as he looked around the room in panic.

No troopers. No lifeless Bane, either. Just his dimly lit, sparsely-decorated room. He shuddered and rubbed the sweat-slicked hair off of his forehead, trying to catch his breath. His chest heaved up and down beneath his thin shirt which clung to him like a second skin.

It hadn’t been the first time Obi-Wan had woken up screaming after dreaming of an execution he couldn’t stop. He’d been plagued by nightmares for weeks since Satine’s murder.

This was the first night he hadn’t dreamed about her, but about someone else.

No. Not a dream. It had felt too real to be a dream. The tangy, sharp scent of the air, the cool night breeze against his skin. No… it hadn’t been a dream. It had been a vision, revealed to him through the Force.

Obi-Wan hurried out of bed and got dressed in his robes at record speed. The sun was just beginning to peek through the columns of skyscrapers through his window, and he ran through his mind who would be awake at this hour.

Master Yoda, probably. Perhaps Mace. Kit would still be sound asleep, as he had arrived a day earlier fresh from the battlefield. Or perhaps fresh wasn’t the best word to describe him or any of the Jedi Masters. They were all running on fumes at that point, which was probably why he shouldn’t have been surprised when Luminara was the only one there when he arrived in the Temple communications center. She was slightly bent forward, studying a map of a system under siege by the Separatists.

There truly was never a time for them to rest.

“Good morning, Master Kenobi,” she greeted politely, turning away from the holomap as she appraised him. “You’re up early.”

“Yes, well, there’s a reason for that,” he said while running a hand through his unkempt hair. Damn, he’d forgotten to even groom himself. “I need to…”

He trailed off, caught off-guard trying to explain exactly what had just happened. Force visions were complicated things at the best of times, and led one down a path fraught with danger at worst. They were often unreliable, but what was more important than that, they usually centered on people or events that were important to a Jedi. Things that were at the forefront of their mind.

How would he explain to the Council that he was having visions of Cad Bane?

“Yes, Obi-Wan?” She watched him patiently, but he didn’t miss the glint of curiosity in her eyes. It wasn’t often someone caught Obi-Wan at a loss for words, looking so ruffled in the early hours of the morning.

“I need to speak with Cad Bane,” Obi-Wan finally admitted after rubbing the back of his neck. If he could figure out why a squad of troopers would execute a Republic prisoner, perhaps he could prevent it without having to confide in his fellow Jedi. The thought should have filled him with guilt, but his sense of urgency left no room for it. He couldn’t get the image of Bane collapsing, his body limp and unmoving, out of his mind.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” she responded evenly.

His throat tightened so fast he nearly choked.

“What? Why?”

“The trooper escort has already left,” Luminara informed him as she pulled up an official document on the holoscreen. “He’s been transferred to the prison planet, Worath.”

“Transferred?” Thank the Force that the shock running through him made his tone void of emotion, calm, because Obi-Wan was the farthest thing from it. “On whose authority?”

Luminara peered closer at the document, a thoughtful finger tapping against her chin as she read, “It has the Senate Seal of Approval. It either came from the Senate or the Chancellor himself. I am unsure as to which.”

It was impossible. Bane had only been in their custody for less than a day. The Jedi hadn’t decided on the matter, and the Senate certainly never decided on anything so quickly. That left the Chancellor’s office as the responsible party who gave the order.

“But… we were in the middle of working out the terms for Bane’s deal!” Now a little color came back into Obi-Wan’s tone, causing Luminara to raise an elegant brow at him.

“If I must hazard a guess…” she observed while looking back up at the screen, “I would say the Chancellor did not wish to form an official agreement with a known criminal. Especially one as notorious as Cad Bane. Perhaps he felt consigning the bounty hunter to Worath would send a message to others who would try a similar tactic. That no clemency would be granted to those who profit from the suffering of others.”

If that’s the message the Chancellor wished to portray, then he could not have picked a more perfect punishment. Worath was one of the most brutal incarceration worlds that existed in the galaxy, and all of its occupants were permanent “residents.” No one who was sent to Worath ever left. At least, not while they still drew breath.

As much as her words made sense, Obi-Wan didn’t entirely subscribe to Luminara’s explanation. Something hadn’t felt right from the beginning, and for the Chancellor to issue an order to have the bounty hunter sent away so quickly? Obi-Wan was beginning to suspect it was the Chancellor himself who had remanded Bane out of Jedi custody and secreted him away into the military base.

He would have to figure it out later. For now, he had to move. And quickly.

“Thank you, Luminara. Tell the Council I will be off-world for the rest of the day. I have some business to attend to.”

Luminara gave him another eyebrow quirk but didn’t question him further, instead slightly bowing her head in acknowledgement and farewell. Obi-Wan had left the room before she’d straightened her posture.

If it had been a Force vision about anyone else, Obi-Wan would have taken a Jedi diplomatic ship and explained his actions later. This particular situation, however, was fraught with pitfalls and traps.

His past… interactions… with the bounty hunter complicated things. The fact Bane was going to be executed by GAR personnel complicated things further. He had no idea what would happen if—when—he got to his designation, but at least he knew where he was going. He’d recognized those glittering grey walls and blue gemstones from a place in his youth, long, long ago.

The problem left was how to get there. If he took a Republic vessel, it would have navigation logs and records. There would be a clear trail for where he went and what he did. It was protocol, and typically, Obi-Wan was glad to have it there, but not this time. This time, he would be going into unknown territory and he was unsure who was friend or foe.

Obi-Wan needed a ship that wouldn’t be tracked. And in order to do that, he would need to visit an old friend.

“Obi-Wan!” yelled a boisterous voice once the Jedi entered the diner.

So much for subtle entrances.

“Hello, Dex,” he answered back, smiling despite himself. “It’s been a while, my friend.”

“That it has!” the old Besalisk responded with a deep, belly-laugh, grabbing the Jedi around the middle and embracing him tightly.

Obi-Wan struggled to breathe until he let go, but honestly, he didn’t mind Dex’s enthusiasm. It was a breath of fresh air after the polite-but-distant personal interactions in the Temple.

“Stars above, haven’t you aged since I last saw ya. I mean that as a compliment,” Dex added with a wink. “Very distinguished.”

“It’s all in the beard,” Obi-Wan answered, bringing forth another deep laugh from the diner owner as he stroked said beard. Then he lowered his voice into something more serious. “I don’t mean to be impolite, Dex, but I’m afraid this isn’t a social call.”

“Ooh,” Dex vocalized with clear interest. “Got more Jedi business for me to help with?”

Obi-Wan hesitated a fraction of a second, and then answered, “I need to borrow a ship.”

Dex narrowed his eyes in a way that was far too observant, and his grin turned sharp. “Unofficial Jedi business, then. You in some kind of trouble?”

“Not exactly,” Obi-Wan answered, pulling his robes tighter around himself as Dex led him toward the back of the diner.

“Someone else in trouble?” Dex asked while looking over his shoulder at him. “Someone you don’t want on your people’s scopes?”

Obi-Wan couldn’t stop the smile under his beard and said, “You don’t miss a thing, Dex,” which caused the Besalisk to chuckle.

“A dull-eyed prospector is a starving prospector. Now what kinda ship are you lookin’ for?” They were standing outside now, behind the diner for some privacy, though Obi-Wan much preferred the kitchen. The smell was more tolerable, anyway.

“Something reliable and inconspicuous.”

“Hmmm,” Dex hummed thoughtfully, rubbing his own facial hairs with his fingers. “I normally wouldn’t do this, but seeing as how yer an old friend, I suppose I can part with my personal starship.”

And having a Jedi in your debt doesn’t hurt either, Obi-Wan internally mused, but he couldn’t fault Dex for working the deal into his favor. Dex was sharp enough to see Obi-Wan was desperate, but he was also kind enough to not take advantage of the situation unfairly.

“Dexter, you are a saint,” Obi-Wan said with a grin. And he meant it. This was the first break Obi-Wan had caught since this whole business had begun.

“Oh, you talker,” Dex responded with a chuckle. “You know you can ask anything of ol’ Dex, even if you can’t talk about your mysterious Jedi missions. Just bring my ship back in one piece. She’s probably older than you at this point.”

“I will,” Obi-Wan responded with a smile, embracing the Basilisk one more time. “Thank you, my friend.”

Dex told him the location of the spaceport where he stored his ship, a part of town Obi-Wan knew would was cheap and discreet. He doubted anyone would recognize him there, which was all the better.

“Obi-Wan, before you go…”

“Yes?” the Jedi asked, pausing as he turned to leave.

“I gotta ask. Just for curiosity’s sake…”

Dex met his eye, a look there that was entirely too shrewd to be just mere curiosity.

“Is this business… or personal?”

Obi-Wan’s smile began to fade as he thought back over his history with Bane in its complicated entirety. From the theft of Force-sensitive younglings, to holding the Senate Building hostage, to saving Obi-Wan’s life in the Box, and finally to the night on the Delano that left him confused and conflicted.

Obi-Wan’s answer was given with a grim firmness that bespoke the heavy weight of his responsibility, duty and his own complicated thoughts.

“Both.”

[romana73]

KYLO REN AND DARTH VADER: PARALLEL AND DIFFERENCES

Post written by ME. The animated gifs shown AREN’T MINE and DON’T BELONG TO ME IN ANY WAY

“[…] Show me again the power of the darkness, and I’ll let nothing stand in our way. Show me, grandfather, and I will finish what you started”

(Ben Solo/Kylo Ren at the Darth Vader mask, from “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

“You’re afraid… that you will never be a strong as Darth Vader”

(Rey to Kylo Ren, from “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

WHAT has to complete Kylo Ren that Vader has started? One thing could be killing all Jedi, begun by Vader with Order 66 execution, implanted in clones themselves. Let’s not forget Kylo Ren nicknamed is “Jedi Killer” and Anakin, who became Darth Vader, KILLS ALL CHILDREN OF JEDI’S TEMPLE. UNDERLINED, CHILDREN who knew him and had TRUST in him:

Kylo Ren also kills children, he does this immediately, on his debut in “Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens” when, after capturing Poe, he gives order to kill ALL villagers and this means WOMEN, CHILDREN and ELDERLY INCLUDED. The reason Kylo gives this order is easy to understand: simply, it isn’t about leaving witnesses in life, who can speak. Pure military tactic. Here there is a small difference: Kylo IMPROVES order PERFORMED, concretely, by Phasma and her soldiers. Anakin/Darth Vader kills CHILDREN WITH HIS SAME HANDS. The FUNDAMENTAL difference between Anakin/Vader, Ben Solo/Kylo Ren and Rey is ANAKIN was LOVED, while to Ben/Kylo and Rey family love was deliberately DENIED. Until 10 age, Anakin lived with his mother Shmi Skywalker, who loved him so much he was free to fulfill his destiny as Jedi:

Obi - Wan Kenobi loved Anakin like a brother and, after years, Anakin was able to fulfill his love dream with Padmè, who completely returned his feelings… what didn’t work? To drop Anakin, redeeming him blind and manipulated by Palpatine was FEAR of losing LOVE. Yoda always repeats it: FEAR leads to DARK SIDE:

“[…] The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.” (Yoda to Anakin Skywalker, from “Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith” movie)

Perdity fear crept into Anakin with Shmi’s death, who broke his heart, allowing to enter into him guilt, FURY and… HATE. Anakin saw, in fact, in Obi - Wan Kenobi SCAPEGOAT…

“It’s all Obi-Wan’s fault. He’s jealous. He’s holding me back”

(Anakin Skywalker at Padmé Admidala, from “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” movie)

Shmi’s death is breaking point between Anakin and Obi - Wan. Before tragedy happened, Anakin had recurrent nightmares about his mother. Dreams he told Obi - Wan, but master had minimized, reducing everything to Anakin’s homesickness. I’m convinced realization if he had listened to his instinct and not rationality, represented by Obi - Wan, he would arrive in time to save his mother, split Anakin: boy will have given first and foremost, blame to himself and, then, at Obi - Wan. The repetition of a situation and similar dreams with Padmè, will have resurrected in Anakin that resentment, in fact, asks for help to Yoda, from which unfortunately he doesn’t receive desired response. Only Palpatine seems to give Anakin what he wants, chance to become so powerful, although, price is high, Anakin SELLS HIS SOUL TO PALPATINE and does it for LOVE…

My opinion is, however, already on that occasion, Anakin has shown his nature tended strongly towards Dark Side … during picnic with Padmè, young Jedi expresses a political idea, Padmé’s word, it looks MUCH like a DICTATION:

“We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problems, agree what’s in the best interests of all the people, and then do it.”

“That is exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don’t wlways agree. In fact, they hardly ever do”

“Then they should be made to” […]

“That sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me”

“Well, if it works…”

(Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Admidala, from "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” movie)

Following Shmi’s death, then, Anakin kills NOT only her captors and torturers, but also WOMEN and CHILDREN belonging to that people:

“ I… I killed them. I killed them all. They’re dead… every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women… and the children, too. They’re like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I HATE THEM!”

(Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala, from “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” movie)

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren’s path to Dark Side stems from OPPOSITE assumption: Anakin feared to lose love he had. At one point, to Ben/Kylo, ​​that love is MISSED. The boy was denied same MATERNAL, FAMILY LOVE Anakin/Vader had know. Without disturbing novels arising from movies, it’s enough to listen to dialogue between Leia and Han Solo in “Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens” to understand Ben Solo was ABANDONED BY HIS PARENTS, who were AFRAID OF DARK SIDE in him. In short, Ben Solo was seen to REFUSE OPENLY by two people who gave him life and, more than anyone else, they should have helped him, supported him and struggled for him. Fear of Dark Side prevailed, instead, in Leia and Han who preferred to REMOVE their own child, under pretext of entrusting HIM to Uncle Luke, great Jedi…

“THERE’S NOTHING MORE WE COULD HAVE DONE. There’s too much Vader in him”

“That’s why I wanted him to train with Luke. I JUST NEVER SHOULD HAVE SENT HIM AWAY. That’s when I lost him. That’s when I lost you both”

“We both had to deal with it in our own way. I went back to the only thing I was ever any good at”

“We both did”

(Han Solo and Leia Organa about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren, from “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

The fact wound is still open in Ben/Kylo’s heart is proves his affirmation of Han, which he made during interrogation with Rey:

“[…] I see the island… and Han Solo… You feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you”

(Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to Rey, from “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

LOST, ABANDONED, REJECTED BY THE FAMILY, for Kylo it was almost an logical choice and only surrender to Dark Side, addressing only beings and people who accepted him and offered him A PLACE TO BELONG: Snoke taking Kylo as his apprentice and head of Star Killer Base and Knights of Ren, of which Kylo is a Master. However, after killing Han, when Rey asks him why he hated him, Kylo says he DIDN’T HATE him and this also confirms Kylo’s EMOTION, (suitably NOT HANDLED by anyone), while performing infamous gesture:

The same TEARS streak his face when, entering Resitance’s empty refuge, Kylo finds Han’s famous dice:

Nevertheless, until a few seconds ago, Kylo was determined to kill ALL, including Rey and Leia. Unlike Kylo, lost duel on Mustafar, Anakin/Vader SHOUT ALL HATE to Obi - Wan:

“Why did you hate your father? […]”

“I didn’t hate him”

(Rey and Kylo Ren, from “Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi” movie)

This is a second big difference between Anakin/Vader and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren. Vader hates and blames others, especially Obi Wan ‘cause what happened to his mother and Padmé’s faté, seeing betrayal where there isn’t:

“You turned her against me!”

“You have done that yourself!”

“YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER FROM ME!!!”

“Your anger and your lust for power have already done that”

(Anakin/Vader and Obi - Wan Kenobi about Padmé Amidala, from “Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith” movie)

Kylo Ren has suffered, however, TRUE BETRAYALS and ABANDON, of which one who broke him was attempt of Uncle Luke Skywalker, famous Jedi, hero of galaxies, wanted to kill him in his sleep… nevertheless, except for Luke , Kylo doesn’t hate his parents. He killed Han, his father, NOT to please Snoke, as he makes believe when he says he gave everything to Dark Side, but to “kill the past” and become what he’s destined to become… in this “kill the past” you hear distant echo of a well-known Jedi teaching, which Kylo distorts and leads to extreme: ATTACHMENT IS PROHIBITED to a Jedi:

“[…] Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is"

“What must I do, Master Yoda?”

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose”

(Yoda and Anakin Skywalker, from “Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith” movie)

in this twisted way, Kylo EXCEED Anakin/Vader… Kylo Ren gets to kill all those to whom he can feel attachment. Not surprisingly, having received Finn and Poe escape’s news, Kylo says dryly he said it was better to take CLONES as troops. This is ‘cause Clones are FREE of unnecessary feelings and emotions. In a moment of exaltation, then, Anakin/Vader confides Padmé to feel more powerful than Palpatine and to plan to kill him, to reign with her:

“[…] I am more powerful than the Chancellor, I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be […]”

(Anakin Vader in Padmé, from “Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith” movie)

A few minutes later Anakin kills Padmé and finds himself mutilated and burned… his wife’s loss attacks him and, instead, rebels against Palpatine, Vader submits himself to him completely. On contrary, Kylo never says he wants to kill Snoke, except when he rebels fed up with being humiliated by him:

Unlike famous grandfather, Ben/Kylo finds STRENGTH and WAY of KILLING SNOKE, in his relationship with Rey and in desire to save him from his cruel master. Rey ignored Ben/Kylo’s plans and these seem more genuine and instinctive than those of his grandfather. We can conclude, yes, Ben/Kylo has succeeded where Anakin/Vader had failed, and yet… most tragic moment, but also that which demonstrated Vader’s MAXIMUM POWER, entrance to Jedi Temple, coincides with Kylo Ren entry into Resistance’s refuge, which represents his maximum DEFEAT: 

At that moment, Vader is at height of his power and he easily succeeds in all tasks Palpatine has ordered him… Kylo Ren sees, however, everything WASTE in his hands: he didn’t kill Luke, the last Jedi, ‘cause he was just an astral projection:

The moment he enters, Resistance’s refuge is empty. All the Rebels, including Rey and Leia are safe on Falcon. Escaped from him, Rey closes connection and every relationship with Kylo, slamming Falcon’s door in his face:

Finally, even Han Solo dice turns out to be a mere illusion, which fades into Kylo’s hands, leaving him alone and DESOLATE:

[examtimefairy]

also new on preparing for study abroad: cultural understanding of star wars

well that’s a phony excuse for binge watching Obi-wan Kenobi but anyhow

- point 1: felt like star wars is really about atmosphere. the dark side’s fortresses are extremely cool, still love the different planet’s atmospheres

- point 2: are they doing baby princesses after baby yoda, now? she is very very brave for a 10 year old, I still feel like it would have been more realistic if she cried though

- point 3: the best battle for me was the one between third sister and Vader. maybe not a battle, but the show of strength from Vader was really cool. the clash of red on red too very nice

- point 4: liked the idea of The Way. Feels like they’ve taken from the Underground Railroad to me. less happy with the way they seemed like a plot device to support Obi-wan. Feels like the Jedi are always exploiting ready-made systems & someone giving help is always going to die. heck at this point I expect at least one of them to die, which does not generate curiosity for the future episodes

- point 5: because the audience already knows Vader/Obi-Wan/Leia/Luke is going to live, it sort of dampens the suspense. Need to think of ways that challenge the characters otherwise (so, not with death, but of losing something more important/as important to them in life - so, values maybe?)

- point 6: the diversity feels good. there is an effort to portray the mothers well & the third sister but still feels forced at times because some lines to me felt like they were assigned to them in rotation, not because it fit the characters -> more about this in what I realized 4.

- point 7: star wars feel like philosophical questions - this time, I think the question was what makes a person who they are. In that view, I think in Obi-wan’s confrontation with Vader he realized that Vader made himself, he wasn’t made by Obi-wan. But to do that I think there needs to be more building up of Obi-wan’s guilt, and he should be much more careful of his actions towards Luke and Leia because he’s a bad influence etc which I don’t think was the case. Also the fact that this needed interpretation and thought means the series didn’t get that theme across that well…? so maybe not. I’m really basing off this interpretation off on Vader’s mini declaration about him killing Anakin. + and also the action speaks more than words thing too. him helping Leia and Luke makes him who he is?

- complaint 1: perhaps I tend to only hear the stuff I want to hear, but was under the impression that Obi-wan was going to suffer more but no not really. yes he did get burnt and buried but I was expecting more inner turmoil guilt stuff life that. Heck I was expecting Vader to shake Obi-wan more be like you betrayed me etc etc I miss the emotion that went around in Mustafar (the i have the high ground fight)

- complaint 2: I thought the story was going to be about him and Vader. but feels like the story was more about the third sister. on the upside though, I did like the third sister; she had ambition.

- complaint 3: the nightmare stuff and the back and forth between the past & present, especially the lightsaber battle between Obi-wan and Anakin in the past could have been better executed. mere flashbacks… well that’s a bit lazy

- complaint 4: Obi-wan gets it too simple. when he is stuck he gets outside help immediately. He convinces others too easily. where’s the yarn? where’s the foreshadowing? ok you did it with Tala coming in late but for the fighters coming in the fortress at the right moment and with Obi-wan convincing the leader to help rescue Leia really quickly… hmm

- stuff I didn’t catch up on 1: what the hell was going on with the tomb? I was expecting them to train some of the force sensitive kids & make them be inquisitors and expected the third sister to be a part of that, especially when she was talking about her past while interrogating Leia

- stuff I didn’t catch up on 2: why did the former grand inquisitor turn up again? wasn’t he dead? and how come did the third sister live after being skewered by Vader?

- stuff I didn’t catch up on 3: so.. how did third sister come to be on the dark side anyway? she volunteered? maybe that’s it huh I did the question & answering by myself again

- what I realized 1: after Vader burnt Obi-wan and left I thought he was letting him go so he can play cat and mouse with him. Come to think of it, maybe not. But I liked the way Vader’s doing tit for tat with the burn. -> I now understand the reason why villains don’t kill heroes immediately. They want to make them suffer ya know simple death is ok for minor enemies but arch nemesis? well you gotta make it worth the wait & effort, simple death is too simple

- what I realized 2: this has been told to me before, and i’ll say it again - in the ending something’s got to be changed. but I didn’t really get how Obi-wan changed, it felt like he was the same monotone person all the time to me.. which is i do know the Jedi spirit being calm and stuff but still feels like it’s the same Obi-wan from before, just that he appreciates Leia more now -> so in short I feel like the central question, which was is Obi-wan guilty, is not really solved. in that sense I feel that Obi-wan has not changed much in the end, so it feels unsatisfying

- what I realized 3: foreshadowing is important, because it lets you be like aha so that’s why. don’t try to trick the audience though, have a reasonable background so that you can pull from the background to explain why something happened. you can use decoys but don’t try to scream that’s the answer, the audience is smart!

- what I realized 4: watching the series, I keep asking questions like is it going to be women fighting women and men fighting men, or is woman fighting man and the woman winning going to be unrealistic. the answer to both questions is, in my opinion, when the purpose fits. if they are both trained to do A, then it would be reasonable for them to fight against each other, etc. I feel like if I write all characters male and then change some of the characters to female, that would help. but gender and race are still visible things; in their invisibility they are hyper-visible (that’s what I learned last semester). their gender can be acknowledged too, at times should be acknowledged.. need to keep thinking about this. also the reality that I have these sorts of questions about woman characters when they come on shows too. but at the same time, do know that there are good ways to do this, for instance I really really loved the women fighting together on avengers: infinity war

conclusion: I still really like star wars atmosphere & lightsaber battles but the story could be better, the best drama in disney plus is still Moon Knight for me