#anYWAY i am feeling oddly shy about this haha

[katanashipping]

So if I told you guys that I had written about 70% of a multichapter katanashipping fic, set about 5 years post-show, and I was thinking about starting to post it on AO3 to keep me motivated, what would you say 👀

[toadallytickles]

Is it bad that I sorta really wanna get tickled in front of my new local kinkster friends asdfghkl I dunno I just want them to see me be tickled and absolutely lose myself in my laughter and be vulnerable instead of this new shy girl, show them what a tickle scene can look like, and they enjoy seeing me all cute and flustered and tortured aah what is wrong with me~?

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝that's a little dark.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Class 1-A ]

「 Class 1-A with an emotionless reader who gets hit with a quirk that make them turn back into a child along with the mentality of a child. In the end, Class 1-A and then fluff ensues with them basically fawning over a cute shy and easily flustered reader. But, they discover something about you.」

You couldn't remember what you did yesterday but it felt like you had the greatest sleep in your entire life. As your eyes adjusted to the surprisingly bright light, you slowly got up and looked at your surroundings. The place was unfamiliar and for a second, you found yourself rubbing your eyes and yawning. It seemed that you were in an infirmary of some sort but you don't recall going to school or anything. There were bandages around your arms and neck but it wasn't anything new.

"Oh, you're finally awake, my child." an old lady you didn't recognize swivelled around her office chair and hopped off.

"Who are you and where am I?" you asked, voice coming out a bit weaker than you had expected.

She identified herself as Recovery Girl — the nurse of the school and explained what had happened to you. It seemed like you got hit by a quirk in an unfortunate accident which caused you to turn back into a child with no memory of yourself in the future. You didn't believe it until you saw the different technologies and the date on the calendar. Never in your life you had felt so out of place in your entire life.

While the friendly old lady was trying her best to fill you in, the door to infirmary opened and a brown haired girl stepped in. She had has shoulder length, brown hair that's bobbed and curved inwards at the end. The girl looked at you for a moment, her eyes lit up and you could sense the relief in her eyes. She dropped her belongings and rushed towards the bed you had been sitting on. You backed away on instinct, slightly intimidated by how aggressive she was being.

”Where did you get those injuries from!? I thought you just got hit by a quirk on accident!” she exclaimed, looking at the gauze wrapped around your wrists and neck.

”Calm down. You’re scaring the poor girl.” Recovery Girl stepped in before this brown haired stranger did anything to you.

Recovery Girl explained your situation to the girl who quickly understood the situation. She then approached you but this time, she did it cautiously and ensured that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable nor intimidated by her. After a quick introduction, you leaned that she was Uraraka Ochaco and supposedly one of your classmates. She got down to your eye level and attempted to befriend you. She tried asking a few questions about yourself. You could answer the simplest questions like ones about yourself. However when it came to questions about the times you spend in UA, you shook your head to everything, none of them sounded familiar to you.

Uraraka spoke in a gentle manner that you were not used to and it didn't take long for you to get comfortable around her. She entertained you by telling stories about her life in UA and heroes. The brunette managed to make you smile a bit with her way of storytelling which included a bit of exaggeration here and there along with the occasional hand gestures.

"Uraraka-san? Are you ready to go back to the dorms?" another unfamiliar voice was heard from the entrance of the infirmary. You saw a few heads peek into the infirmary, those you did not recognize at all.

With the help of Uraraka, your situation was explained to the new people that just arrived. It didn't take long for your classmates to gather around you and pointing out how cute you were. Though it was a bit embarrassing to be put under the spotlight, you quite liked the feeling of having so many people care about you. It made you think about how bright the future seemed for you.

You were brought back to the dorms where you met up with your other classmates. Those who knew about your current situation quickly explained what was going on with you to avoid any misunderstanding and confusion. You stood awkwardly at the entrance, fiddling with the hem of your dress and looking down to avoid eye contact. Suddenly, you were pushed forward by an unknown force, falling on your knees.

“Who left their fucking child here?” a scary looking guy glared down at you as you tried recovering from the small fall you had.

”Hey, Bakugou! Mind your language!” his friend whispered at the ash blonde who just clicked his tongue in response.

Their loud voices startled you which resulted in you to hide behind Uraraka's legs as if it was the safest place in the world. You gripped tightly on her skirt, hiding yourself from the people you didn't recognize. Loud voices always made you nervous and scared, it reminded you of your mother whenever she was unsatisfied with your performance. Uraraka let her hand stroke your hair to soothe your nerves a little. Ashido stood in front of the two of you with her hands on her hips, looking like a mother reprimanding their child.

"Bakugou, you're scaring [First Name]!" the pink haired girl scolded Bakugou who seemed a bit confused.

"You're telling me this brat is [Nickname]?" he closed the distance between the two of you with a few large strides. He stared at your for a few seconds to study your face a bit. It didn't take him that long to actually recognize a few familiar features and eventually he walked off, muttering something under his breath.

"I've never seen her like this before!" Uraraka cooed as you continued to hide behind her legs. You were never the type to be in the center of attention and didn't have any friends in when you were young because of how shy and awkward you were. Ashido crouched down and offered you a small jar of cookies that she had found in the kitchen.

"Should we send her home? She might be more comfortable staying with her parents." Yaoyorozu suggested, watching you munching on the cookie that you've been handed to.

"I think its best we tell her family about it this." Iida took it upon himself to pull out his phone and prepare to dial your home.

”Are we all having a sleepover?” you spoke up after being silent almost the entire time you arrived at the dorms.

"I don't want to go home." Everyone stopped to stare at you for a while, some surprised because it was the first time they've heard you since you came back. The girls looked at each other for a while as if they were silently communicating with one another. Midoriya who seemed to be the first one to notice that you seemed a bit uncomfortable, crouched down in front of you.

"You can stay here with us if you want. I'm sure everyone is okay with that." the viridian haired male gave you a gentle smile that made you feel a bit relaxed.

"Do you like having sleepovers, [First Name]-chan?" Ashido plopped down right next to you.

"I don't have friends and mommy doesn't like having me around." you mumbled.

"That's silly. I'm sure your mother is worried about you." Iida replies.

"Nu uh, mommy strangles me like this every night.” you shook your head lightly and wrapped your hands around your neck to imitate someone strangling you. The room immediately grew silent at your comment, clearly unsure of how to respond to your oddly specific comparison.

"Haha, good joke [First Name]-chan!" Kaminari patted your head gently, his laugh clearly a forced one.

"Mommy used to pull my hair too."

You never the friendly type of person to begin with anyways. From the very first day you got into UA, you were quite anti-social, never initiating any conversations or made effort to befriend anyone. However, it was quite surprising to know that you've been abused when you were younger. Almost everyone seemed shocked by the revelation and had no idea how to react.

"My mom gave me this scar." Todoroki crouched down next to you and gestured to the scar over his eye.

”I can’t believe that the only thing closed off people have in common is the fact that they’ve been abused.” Jirou muttered out loud.

"Okay, don't worry! We're all having a sleepover tonight!" Uraraka beamed brightly which made your eyes light up like a Christmas tree. A small smile made its way to your features and you couldn't help but sway excitedly.

"Everyone is joining right?"

There was no way they could refuse those hopeful eyes of yours, not when you have been through so much at such an age. They all seemed eager, suggesting a movie, snacks and games.One particular ash blonde looked indifferent, hands shoved into his pockets as he began to slowly walk away from the crowd of people. The first person to notice that he was making his way back to his own room was Iida.

"Where are you going Bakugou-kun?" the class president had asked as if it was a natural that Bakugou was also supposed to be a part of this so called 'sleepover'. Bakugou glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowing at Iida as if he had gone insane.

"What makes you think that I will join this stupid—" the ash blonde gestured at whatever was going on.

"But a sleepover is not one without everyone." your quiet voice interrupted, your small hands tugging at his pants. He held his tongue after seeing Iida wildly gesture at him not to be so mean to you. The entirety of the class seemed to be really hell bent on giving you what you wanted.Bakugou felt his eyebrows twitching and began weighing his options.

Sero, Ashido, Kaminari and Kirishima were openly pleading him to stay while some others seem to believe that Bakugou would never want to sit down for a stupid sleepover. The ash blonde gave in, realizing that no matter what he chose, it won't be any different. If he chose to not participate, he probably won't be able to fall asleep from all the noise. And the possibly of witnessing these extras embarrass themselves didn't sound too bad.

"Fine! You guys are so annoying....." Bakugou grumbled. Your eyes lit up at his change of heart and began tugging him enthusiastically towards the common area’s couch.

Why does he agree to the stupidest things?

Total: 1717 words Published: 05.06.2021

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ We tried our best for this scenario. Hope we reached your expectations! We hope you liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting it! Tumblr has changed how the asks look and it looks very different. Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

Requests are open! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[chiquitinchino]

【7:46pm】

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ꕥ Fluffy Puffy ꕥ

Yunho x reader  

Warning Too cute to be true    (AU)

Descr: You are making up extra credit for your art class, so you decided to take a pottery class. Based on the name that was given to you, you thought that the teacher would be an old man. Your Pottery class turned out to be private lessons with a stunning young man that was around your age. Oh what to do . . where is this lesson going?

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The professor from your art course is making you take lessons to boost your grade. Not that it was bad or anything, you just wanted an A to make your GPA look pretty. Your art teacher was a pain in the ass with her grades, “so stingy”, you would say to yourself. But pottery couldn’t be that bad. Every assignment was equally stressful as it was relaxing anyways. Best of both worlds I guess.

You chose from the list she had, “5 Ceramics/ Pottery lessons with Sir. Jeong” it was a weird last name and sounded old but you went with it. It was only 5 lessons and playing with clay how hard can it be? 

-

“Ugh It’s just 4:25 and it’s already so dark”, you said walking into your 4:30 class. Taking off all layers you sat comfortably on the stool. Right next to sign that said 4:30 class. No one was there. You were kinda creeped out. The lights were dim, the sun was already gone and all you heard was a person shuffling in another room. Not even a receptionist! “Oh these are private classes”, . . . “With an old maannnn. . .” You sat there wincing at yourself allowing your brain to wonder through 5 million different scenarios.

Thud! “Okay . . Class time”, you heard a voice say. It didn’t . . sound old. . Nor look 👀. A Tall handsome young man appeared in front of you. Black hair, very pink lips and soft eyes. Perplexed at what laid before you, the young man was . . Actually very very handsome.

“Sir Jeong???? He deserves the name of Mr. At least.”, you thought to yourself as the teacher walked towards you cleaning his hands from clay.

“So you’re my new student. Huh?”, he asked.

“Uhmmm, yes . . I guess”, you replied looking around.

“Haha alright let’s get started then”.

You were now so happy it was a private lesson. He was giving you a tutorial, and your eyes were just wondering his body. He face was full of concentration; body big for the little stool he was in; not lean, strong build; well rounded all around; his hands. . . Seemed strong. . You thought to yourself; his concentrated face gave him a different look than what he had when he walked in, but his cheeks squished your hearts with how soft and plushie they looked; and his black hair seemed so silky and soft; and his voice wasn’t rough or smooth or deep or high, but it was definitely sweet and full of patience and delicacy. “Like . . Honey, or maple sap”

WHIPPED IS WHAT YOU WERE

“Eehhhh, I would say more like dough, because it’s easier to structure than honey. But whatever makes you comfortable”, wide eyed you looked at his face. Blankly he stated back.

“Everything okay? You’re looking at me like I have 3 heads”.

Panicked you responded, “ah no no nothing Mr. Jeong, please continue”.

“Please call me Yunho, it’s weird to have someone around my age to call me that”

“Oh, okay then. . Yunho, please continue”.

After 30 minutes of Yunho talking and demonstrating you how to treat, knead, and play with the clay you were finally able to do it yourself. Excited you rolled up your sleeves. Sitting at the stool, Yunho stood in front of you watching you. He seemed taller and taller the closer he got. A little shy you dived in. You started off better than you expected. With enough confidence you entered the hard part, building your desired pot. Before molding your pit of clay you stood and took a few steps back. Thinking real hard on how you wanted it to come out. Like a light bulb it clicked. You went to work. Super concentrated you were building up your creation.

SNAP!

Just like that went your concentration as from the blink of an eye a ring of your clay was on one hand and the other places spinning on the wheel. You heard giggling from your side. Looking over you saw Yunho giggling. “No go ahead do as I showed you”, “Ehhh. . . Ha. . . “, you liked blankly at your mold not moving. Looking back over to Yunho he wasn’t there. Thud, you heard something behind you. It was a stool that wasn’t there when you first sat down, and it was reallllllllllly close. A rush of black flooded your sight. It was just Yunho sitting behind you.

“Come. look.”, he said wetting his hands. You turned around quickly, as your face flushed red realizing what’s about to happen. His chest bumped onto your back lightly leaning you forwards, his arms stretched forward towards the mold and taking the clay in your hands. Molding it into what it used to be. Extremely flustered you watched his hands.

“See ?”, He said standing up from the stool.

“You remember now ?”

“mhm”

Why are you so hot, you felt like sweating. UGGGHH what was thattt?! He was so warm and delicate with me. He might have sat behind me but he didn’t even touch you much. Is he really that big or am I just small. So many thoughts rushed through your head while you tried building your vase. Every few minutes your clay would flop, break, and bend too far. After thinking for too long you just grew frustrated.

“Ughh come onnn”, you talked badly to your clay. Putting it back and adding more pressure to your art. And SNAP.

The damn clay broke off.

Tensing up you squished the clay in your hand.

“Hey, heyyy don’t take it out on the clay now”, you heard a voice behind you say softly. His big hand brushed against your clenched fist. Feeling another hand on your other shoulder, you saw Yunho’s face pop on your side view.

“Let’s try again, this time let me help you, okay?”, he said slightly smiling.

Feeling something on your hand you looked at your hand. His hand. His though brushing against your hand to ease up. Looking back, how could you not calm down. Releasing the tension, you let the frustration fall off your face.

Yunho let out a cheeky smile, “great okay, now lets go back to putting it on the mold”, his voice was so . . Patient it was so sweet. He held both of your hands to the mold. And you both wet your hands in wet clay. You can feel his chest on your back. His breathe was calm. And his skin was soft. He was very warm too. You oddly felt safe.

“Done”, In an instant your bubble popped. “Huh?” You looked at the vase before you. It wasn’t the one you wanted to make exactly but it still was pretty. Popping up once again at your side you looked over your shoulder. It was a smiling Yunho. You quickly turned around flustered of the pretty boy.

He got up and placed the stool in it’s place. “I think that should be it for our class today, I am going to heat it up so then we can paint next class”, Yunho explained to you. It seemed like everything was moving so fast. You weren’t ready to leave him. He was too dreamy please don’t let the class be over yet.

The moment you laid your eyes on him, it’s as if time stopped. But in reality it went by faster than light you complained to yourself. Sulking you picked up your stuff.

He walked you to the door and you walked out “till next class”, he said

Looking back, you wanted to take a picture of this exact moment. His cute smile and the way he stood at the door. Little did you know this exact moment, was engraved in your brain, you just had to wait more time till you realized this night would be the night you always come back to thinking about him.

“Till next class”

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Authors note: I meeaannnn if y’all want more ain’t nobody complaining. Just let me know.

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[mega-bastard]

i was kidnapped by shiratorizawa ?!?!?!?!

this was painful to write, but like a masochist I did it anyway. this is my part of the the first Whorehouse Collab, located here. Finally getting back into writing fanfics since like 2015, this was oddly therapeutic.

I wrote this under the influence of magic grass after binging several wattpad fics, enjoy at your own risk-- by which I mean laugh alongside me LMAO

The ending is sososo rushed, in true wattpad fashion <3 this was 1.3K words of nonsense

When I woke up today, I didn’t think I’d end up in such a bind— bindings to be more specific. I’m just your average little miss no one, another everyday student easily lost in the in the crowd. Wearing glasses and being like super shy does that to u, yknow?

Now, blindfolded and tied up, I can’t help but wonder just how someone so unnoticeable had gotten snatched up so suddenly— perhaps that was had why you were taken (insert Liam neeson voice: I will find you, and I will kill you hehe >:3). Now, with the full throb in my head beginning to subside— I started to recount what had bringed me into such s predicament

~ rewind to earlier in the day ~

I’d only just waked up when I received a text from my best friend mina (bnha wink wonk) gushing about or schools volleyball match— to say she was crazy in love aoba Joshuas volleyball team would be selling it crazily underwhelmed. Especially their captain, oikawa tooru ! Most of our school did, but I was really observant of the people around me— he gives me weird vibes, like he puts on an act or something. But still, I keep that thoght to myself so no one comes for me. Seriously, he’s got fans like a Kpop star (a/n haha stan bts for clear skin uwu)

Either way, her dragging me to a volleyball game is nothing new— and as she’s blowing my messages up like the world is ending I know  what to expect this coming afternoon. What a pain, I had planned on watching naruto when I got home today :(

There was no telling Mina no, so when we enviably met to walk to school I was well aware I’d be attending the volleyball match today. Boring, but I’d manage— I don’t care much for sports but sweaty and muscley men are finer than fine, I’d at least have spank bank material hehe (a/n not to whore on main buuuuuut ;3).

The day flew by and suddenly I found my self seated on the stands, waiting for the game to begin. Mina was chatting away, so when the urge to go to the bathroom came I simply got up and left— I wouldn’t get a word in edgewise, everyone always runs at the mouth and I can never get a word in as a result.

Not paying attention on my way to the bathroom, I suddenly shivered— feeling watched. I looked up from staring at the floor and was brought face to face with...the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team ?!?! At the head was the tank of a captain, japans number one ace Ushijima Wakayoshi (a/n a whole snack yumyum) was indomitable and a scary man to be faced with. Ushijima was still as fierce as ever; I say that because we’d gone to middle school together— we never spoke or anything like that but we’d been in the same classes. He scrutinized my small form with impassive olive eyes, I felt rooted in place at such a state.

I shook myself from my little reverie and quickly scurried off, heart beating a mile a minute. “ just find the bathroom and head back to Mina “ I murmured to myself, finally finding the bathroom after rounding a corner. The feeling of being watched finally lifting.

After using the bathroom and began to head back, I could hear someone...singing something? I began to head towards it out of curiosity, peeking around a corner to see a tall red haired guy and a grey haired guy— they were wearing the same uniform so they must also be a part of the team as well! Lost in my thoughts, I was only briefly able to dick away before the red haired guy turned around to where I was peeking.

Ok seriously, let’s head back ‘ I thought before scurrying back to Mina— who grilled me on my absence before becoming entranced in the starting game. I stayed on my phone for the most part, reading one direction fanfic— with the phone screen down waaay low (a/n who else has done this before ???). Id peek every now and again to watch, at one point catching the eye of the tall red head— a chill ran down my spin at his impish smile that I looked away immediately.

He was...cute. In a scary way.

A sudden hush flew across the crowd and I looked up in time to see oikawas serve hit clean across the net, received by some guy with brown hair before being set by some twat with shitty hair (a/n shirabus a twat, their I said it >:/) before the ball was spiked back with a force unmatched.

That was Match point. Shiratorizawa wins.

The air is oppressive, oikawas fan girls— mina included, are wailing. That’s my cue to exit, bidding a mina goodbye I began my way down the hail, the rush of the court fading into background.

Then suddenly, rushing feet and the crack of something hard against my skull.

Darkness consumed me.

~ back to the present ~

Now back to the hear and now, I hear murmerings-- voices I don’t recognize. I try to listen, try to focus in on their voices but I can’t as the throbbing in my skull takes my focus away. A whimper escapes me, and a silence sweeps across wherever I am like a breeze-- it’s scary.

“haha, is she awake?” it’s the sing=songy voice from before-- the red head probably then? I know I needed to say something, anything, but I was still to disoriented. The sound of shoes nearing me immeadiatly set me off, beginning to wiggle and move before I was held still vision suddenly assaulted with brightness as my blindfold is redmoved.

Standing before, me in all their glory, is the Shiratorizawa volleyball team??

It looks like I’m being held in...an empty dorm room? I’m trying to gather my bearings and cannot figure what to possibly ay before being yanked up harshly from a laying position. It’s the red head holding me up, wicked smile and everything as he crouches in front of me before opening his mouth.

“ You belong to us now, got it~” his voice is too cheery given the words he’s just said to me (a/n tendou owns my heart and soul <3333 ), and only now does my voice find me. “ B-but w-why m-m-me ? You c-can’t j-just do t-that, please just let me g-g-g-g-g-g-go !” by the time I finish blubbering, theres tears streaming down my cheeks like rushing rivers. Through my lashes, I look pitifully around at everyone-- landing on an umcomfortble looking kid with a bowl cut, but he looks away as soon as i stare up at him.

no, no ,no nononono no ones going to help me. the tears fall puddle on the floor, only growing in speed when ushijima speaks. “ You’ll be transfering here, become our manager, and be staying in this dorm room-- it’s already been settled” (a/n idk I’d be p happy to be shiratorizawa’s manager uwu) his voice is deep and leaves no room for any back talk, but my stomach drops at his next sentence “Semi, put it on her’ my head whips up, starring doe eyed at the grey haired guy from before as he approaches with...IS THAT A COLLAR AND LEASH??? (a/n insert debby ryan face)

my face heats up, embarrassed and ashamed at the idea of being collared like an animal. I try to wiggle away, annoying Semi, “Tendou hold her still damnit!” at that Tendou-- the red head, grips my face with one hand to keep me still, gripping it hard enough that hes smushing my cheeks (a/n tendou, t e n d o u, loml, how I cherish thee) . He mutters a quiet cute, so faint I think I’m hearing things, before the tightening of the collar breaks me from that train of thought. With that done, I’m released, falling to my hands and knees staring up at the entire team now gathered before me.

A tug on the leash tugs me forward without much effort, and the tears spring up once more at the humiliation. 

“This is gonna be fun~”

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ok so I hoped you guys loved it <3 I’ll try my best to get out weekly updates, next chap I’m thinking I either focus on how ushijima and reader-chan actually do know eachother, shirabu and semi fiighting of reader-chans attention, or maybe tendou and reader-chan getting into trouble while draggin goshiki into it! SOund off in the comments and let me know what you think ?? anyway love you guys sm <33333

[painted-crow]

Submission Time #14

Submission about secondary

Hi, Paint! I was wondering if you ever had time, could you please help and give your thoughts on my secondary?

I guess my quiz results really depend on my mood, on a bad mood I can get a bird or snake, on good mood – a badger secondary. I rarely get a lion secondary, and I’m strangely calm about it, it would really be funny if I’d be a double burned lion but evidence shows that’s probably not the case. Also, I’m sorry for all the mistakes I will be making and the ones I didn’t notice, and this is so long, I’m sorry. I will shamefully copy the other submission style, so if it’s wrong pls just ignore me.

Not a problem! I'm the one who suggested that people use it :)

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you? – I don’t know for sure, and I might be ungrateful here, but I think I’m still the one making the calls and thinking about stuff. Sure, I ask for help and opinion, support, but I’m still the one who has to do the thing. But it’s true I should probably pay more respect and gratitude to the ones who are there for me.

This suggests you aren't a Courtier Badger by nature. Doesn't yet rule out Bookkeeper style Badger, though.

Do people consider you charismatic? / Do people consider you trustworthy? – Eh, maybe. I love that there is a possibility to choose such an answer. Charisma for me is a tool, a mask, while for being trustworthy, some people do, some would like that I’d be more of it, I think people’s opinions on what that is can really differ. I’ve always read that people can’t trust a Gemini, that they have long and loose tongues, one day I decided that will never be me, no matter what others say.

Basically everything I know about astrology is either Homestuck or LavenderTowne's "drawing the signs as cute characters" videos on YouTube 😆 but as a Cancer who does not fit most of the Cancer description, rest assured I will not judge you for this :p

Describing charisma as a "tool" suggests it might be part of a Snake model or a skill you've picked up through Bird.

Do people consider you flexible? – No. Things have to be the way I want them to be. Stupid, problematic, not realistic, I know.

Haha, maybe Bird xD or maybe Bookkeeper Badger. This is a Built secondary answer.

Do you like going into situations with a plan? – Here‘s the thing about my plans – they are small, not really fleshed out. I do like to be prepared, but I do not seek out to be, because usually no matter how much I prepare I feel that it still is heavily not enough so it’s almost the same as just diving in and doing whatever.

Rapid fire Bird with Snake model? Or perhaps the other way around. It sounds from your last answer like this isn't the kind of situation you feel most comfortable in.

Not all Birds like to plan. I for one am a "hoard all the skills and resources" style Bird, and don't tend to plan very much for individual situations, especially ones that change quickly. If I were to prepare for something like that, it would be gathering knowledge about the situation in advance, rather than deciding how to respond based on probably-inaccurate expectations.

Still, this makes it sound a bit like you don't trust Bird, or at least not the planning form of Bird.

When you spot a metaphorical obstacle in your path, what do you do? – This one is the one that always makes me think Am I a snake secondary? If there’s a problem that maybe could arise, why would you not find another way around? Face it? Understand it? Pfffff…. It’s so much stress and trouble, just go around it if you can. If not, well, yeah, I’d just face it head on I guess.

How do you feel about shortcuts? – Well, if it means landscapes shortcuts – love them. In life and situations – no. It feels unstable, unsafe. If there is a way you need to do things, I will do it the right way. I might cut ways in small and not that important ways, but no more.

See, these two questions have me really considering Bookkeeper Badger for you, and I'm starting to understand why you're confusing the quiz so much.

I think the quiz considers these to be kind of opposite answers--just getting around a problem rather than solving it might be considered a shortcut. This is the kind of issue you get with abstract questions, but the problem is that concrete questions are rarely ambiguous enough to serve the right purpose. This is also why I suggest sending me quiz questions--because you're allowed to elaborate, and I interpret your answers differently from the computer. :)

Do you like to gather all possible information before making a decision? – Yeah, I do gather information, research, but at a certain point you just have to dive in, as another person said.

You might have a Bird model? Or you might even be burned Bird, because you don't not use Bird but you don't seem to trust it much or see it as worth relying on.

Is knowing things or knowing people more useful when solving problems? – I really don’t know how to answer this one. Intuitively, without thinking, I’d say things, but there are so much BUTs. Maybe it’s because I always had problems in social situations, that I’m very reserved, cold and shy so I don’t build relationships that could be called like that? Obviously it’s more useful to have someone help you and teach you how to do stuff, like legal documents, mechanics, computer engineering or other stuff that is hard to understand and boring to me or things that I don’t have resources to do. When I go to people asking for help, I ask because I know they can help, I don’t just go to my community, to my people asking IF anyone could help. I don’t know, this question for me is really painful. A simple answer would be people. Like if I’d think about building a house or a van to live in, it would be more useful to know someone who knows how to do these things then knowing how to do it myself. I’d miss so much details by myself. But then why I still want to press Things?

Huh, that's interesting. Especially interesting that you describe this as painful--like, it really matters to you.

You might be a burned Bird with a Badger model that's almost totally Bookkeeper style--which, if that Badger is a model, it would make perfect sense why it relies so heavily on one aspect of that secondary.

You don't seem very Snakey to me so far. The "get around the obstacle" thing is the quiz's Snake answer, and charisma (even as a tool) isn't Snake exclusive either.

When your plan fails, what do you do? – This question always makes me smile, because my answer is 1. I don’t plan, BUT if I did have a plan that failed, if it was that important; 2. I panic; 3. Then, I calm down and improvise like my life depends on it.

Huh. I don't know if this points to anything in particular...

Do you collect things? – No? I collect books that I actually liked, even if I will never read them again, I want to have them around. I have a couple of diplomas, but it’s just because I couldn’t decide or couldn’t see myself in that career. I maybe collect plants. Other than maybe these things, I don’t really feel like I collect anything.

And here again the bird secondary shows up. I really don’t see it with my inability to plan and prepare for things. I feel unprepared for everything and too bored and not intrigued enough to prepare.

Oddly enough, this really makes me wonder if you're a Bird, specifically burned. This isn't just a neutral "yeah I don't really use it," it sounds actually sad and negative: you don't feel able to use it, you feel bored and unprepared. It sounds like you've tried, like you wish you could use it... but it's just not there for you.

Do you study or plan excessively for things that aren’t useful?... – Plan – no. Study – yes. I’m one of those people who has started a new hobby in the pandemic, which involves studying I guess. And it absolutely has nothing to do with being useful, I just love it, so I guess yes. To me it has a purpose, I guess.

You do seem to study a lot. You read books, which not everyone does. You have multiple diplomas. But they're a background element in your life, you were saying.

Do you think of relationships as something you invest in?... – Yes. I think we all invest in relationships, and in the smallest we at least expect that person to be with us, to support us if we had a hard day or a hard time. I do not invest in relationships with people because they can do stuff for me, do that or let me in there or here, or level me up in my career. That would be wrong, it’s not how you supposed to do it. But I’d still say that I think about this, about investing time and effort.

Badgers don't seem to like the idea of networking as a means of getting stuff, on the whole, even though that's how they get described because that's what people might see from the outside. (It's more like a Snake or sometimes a Bird to be okay with that description of their methods.)

I still think you have a lot of Bookkeeper to your secondary. I'm not sure if it's a strong model, or if your Bird is the model and it's just really burned anyway.

Do you act different in different groups? Does it bother you, if you do? – Yes, I think I probably do. It bothers me that I am thrown into a situation like that with people like that more than the fact that I act different. So it does bother me, but not in the way that the quiz authors intended that it should mean.

So, you only do this with certain groups where you don't feel safe. Again, I'm not getting a whole lot of Snake here?

So long as you know who you are, do you care what other people think? – Yes, absolutely. First, I don’t know who I am, sometimes, in certain situations, I can look inside myself and feel empty. It means I’m more ready to react to a situation than to show who I am, I guess. Secondly, what other people think about you can affect you, emotionally, or worst, actually in your physical life.

Okay. I think I might be getting this, finally.

Your secondary seems to be burned. It may be one of those cases where it's just burned, and you haven't recovered it or started up a strong model--this is part of the official SHC descriptions, that you can just burn your secondary and not have strong inclinations about it any more, you just do whatever works but none of it is very satisfying.

You get examples of this with characters pretty frequently, but with people it seems less common--you see a lot of models instead. I actually forgot that this was part of the SHC system until just now, but you can find a kind of not-super-comfortable stability in just... not having a secondary. This might be why you're getting hints of other secondaries, but it's hard to pin down anything strong enough for you to feel like you can claim it as yours.

I'd hazard that your secondary might have been Bird or Bookkeeper Badger before, and you have hints of both of those now. I lean towards Bird being your actual secondary and just extremely burned, and Bookkeeper being a bit of a model or performance you're kind of using but feel conflicted about.

In a pinch, you'll improvise or whatever, just anything that works, but it's not something you're very comfortable with. That's not the same thing as Snake, but I think it's why you're getting Snake results from the quiz.

Perhaps the reason you can't figure out your secondary, in short, is that it isn't there.

Thank you, and yes, please ignore me if it's annoying. Have a good time and be safe! 

Oof, I'm sorry that this isn't a cheerier result to hand you ^^; hugs! Hope you can find something that works for you soon.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin  /  show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

[purplesurveys]

1137

created by: allwrongx - Bzoink

Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? I don’t, actually. I have the most books out of everyone in the family, but they’re all either lined up or stacked in random points in my room because of said lack of shelves. Currently, I have three groups of books strategically placed around my room.

If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? Just by height since I have a lot of tall books like encyclopedias as well as smaller-sized novels and pocketbooks.

Have you ever owned action figures? I have a couple of wrestling action figures and I want to keep collecting more if my financial situation ever permits it in the future.

Why did you last smile? Andrew Ilnyckyj finally has a new cooking videoooooooo, which is the main BuzzFeed content I watch these days. I think his last one had been posted in January, so I’ve been feeling pretty starved for some new Andrew content.

Do you have a close relationship with your immediate family? I’m not close with them in that I don’t feel shy about kissing/hugging them or confiding in them; my family are not those people for me. But like we don’t fight (anymore) and we’re able to have pleasant talks over dinner, which is as close as I’d possibly ever get with them. 

Idk, we were ultimately never able to cultivate an emotionally strong relationship with one another, which I’ll always feel bittersweet about; but at least I now have a blueprint of how I’d want to build my relationships within my family, should I ever have one of my own.

If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Use it to pay my sister for the drawing commission I asked her to make. My total bill comes up to around that amount, anyway.

If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? Nope, they can stay in the wild.

Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? I crack my knuckles the most and my ankles as well. Never my neck and toes.

Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, I rarely get sick.

Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? I do an annual Toy Story rewatch because it’s my absoluete favorite kid’s movie. I will also always be in the mood to watch The Game Plan, which I watched every single weekday after coming home from school in like the 3rd grade.

Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Nope but this has been on my list for years. Just never gotten around to downloading it and finally seeing it for myself.

Where do you do most of your shopping? I usually go to small, independent businesses that sell trendy pieces for a lot less, but I also drop by H&M from time to time. Once I feel secure enough with my savings I also wanna be able to start shopping from Zalora because they have really nice brands over there as well, haha.

Are you afraid of mice? I don’t imagine I would be since they’re tiny and cute. I’m afraid of house rats, though, especially considering how big they can get D:

What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I typically don’t get souvenirs for myself, but this is also because I’ve never traveled solo. My family collects magnets from all the different places we’ve been to though (and also from my dad’s work travels), so our fridge doors are filled with them. 

Do you vacation often? Yeah, my family would usually take 3-5 trips a year, usually around the country and sometimes out of; but of course we’ve had to put a stop to it since the pandemic blew up.

Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? The only place I’d be comfortable doing so is at the nearby McDonald’s, since I’ve seen residents from my village come in there wearing their PJs or housewear. Otherwise no, I’d rather dress up.

What's your favorite candy bar? Twix!!!!!!!! And while they’re not technically bar-shaped, I love Reese’s Cups too.

Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? Hahaha yeah. I have two copies of Twilight (one is from my boxed set, another was given to me by a childhood friend, Maryrose) and Breaking Dawn (one is also from my boxed set, while the other one is the special white cover edition given to me by Angela).

If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Miss Saigon. That’s the only musical I’m into.

If you could put any person or characters face on money, whose would it be? I definitely want to see a woman’s face on a dollar bill or coin sometime in the future. < Oh man, this is a pretty good answer. We do already have women in our P500 and P1000 bills, but they’re accompanied by men :/ It’d be neat to see a woman take over a bill/coin all on her own, like Gabriela Silang.

The place that you'd most like to be right now is where? God I really wish I were out in a coffee shop right now but I have to saveeeeee. I’ve been meaning to check out this nearby cafe that also doubles as a co-working space (which means I can do work there without feeling guilty or anxious that I’m taking too much time there, yay), and I might visit next week.

Do large crowds make you anxious? Depends on what the context is. If I find myself in the middle of a stampede that’s quickly going ugly then I will definitely start to panic; but if I’m at, say, a concert, then personally a bigger crowd means a better experience for me.

Do you own a helmet of any sorts? None of my own, but we do have a helmet for our bike.

Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? No unless a huge sum of money is up for grabs, lmao. I’ve only sang in public once, when my mom made me do a solo number on my 7th birthday.

What's in the box? Yeah, I’m not feeling creative enough for this question...

Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? No, only for Christmas.

Would you take the chance to be Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys for a day? Eh, I’d pass up on the offer. Mystery isn’t my thing.

Do you eat soup when you're sick? No. I prefer to drink lots of water as I usually lose my appetite when I’m sick anyway.

Is there a specific mug or coffee cup that you have to use all of the time? I don’t have to use it, but I’m in love with the mug Angela gave me just this past Christmas. I use it all the time now.

Have you ever watched Doctor Who? No, but I don’t think it’s my kind of genre or show.

If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet?

Do you prefer to do your shopping online or in person? If I already have an idea of what I want to get, I prefer to get it in person. But if I need something oddly specific and have no idea where to start, that’s when I start to look for online shops or go to Shopee or Lazada altogether.

If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Angie Sage, with her Septimus Heap series.

Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? It’s been a while since I’ve traveled extensively, and when I was younger I didn’t really read into tourist guides. Now that I’m older, I do want to start reading up before visiting a different country – not necessarily about the best places to visit, but more about the culture and practices I have to observe. I remember being reprimanded by a Korean when I tried to snap a photo of something I saw while out in public in Jeju, and I don’t want to do something like that again.

Would you please belt out a few song lyrics here? AND IF YOU TRY TO FIND ME NOOOOW I’M IN ALL THE ECHOES THAT HAVE FAAAADED OUT soooo!!! I’M MOVING ON CAUSE I JUST WANT TO FEEL FOR ONCE THAT I BELONG, THAT’S WHAT GOING ON

How do you get rid of your hiccups? I hold my breath, which is a trick taught to me by my mom. Not always effective, but it does work sometimes.

Is there one saying that you've adopted from someone/somewhere else? I’ve picked up “Awesome!” which was Gabie’s catchphrase. My former director also liked saying “Anywhoooooo” when she wants to digress, and I’ve since adopted that into my vocabulary and mannerisms as well.

Can you lie effectively and smoothly? Yes, but I feel like shit every time I have to.

Do you buy Halloween candy when it's on sale after the holiday? No, I don’t enjoy candy anyway.

Why is your favorite teacher your favorite? She taught beyond her curriculum - music, which isn’t even part of my top 30 favorite subjects - and always made sure to inject a little bit of useful life advice in all her lessons.

Who can never fail to make you laugh? Hans.

Do you agree with the "they're just being kids" excuse? No, especially if the kids in question are already 16/17 year olds.

How many pets have you had in your lifetime? Countless goldfish, one chick, one rabbit, one cat, two birds, and two dogs.

Were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? Sure. Still am occasionally, heh.

Would you kindly recommend your favorite movie to me? Two for the Road shows a realistic take on love told through cars and a non-linear tour around Southern Europe. If you’re into that and Audrey Hepburn’s pretty outfits in each scene, definitely check it out.

[glassworkspiderlilies]

other side of paradise

Kyokou Suiri (In/Spectre) | Sakuragawa Kuro, Iwanaga Kotoko | AO3 Summary: In the span of a month, Sakuragawa Kuro has been dumped by his girlfriend, lost his job, and lost his home. Things can't get much worse from here, right? (In which Kuro joins the mafia, for better or worse.) Notes: Inspired by atutsie’s tweet! A rapidly written & loose mafia AU i wrote a few weeks back; loose bc i don’t have real knowledge about how organized crime truly works haha. 

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Sakuragawa Kuro does not consider himself a particularly unlucky man. He has a place of his own, a steady job (if not a high paying one), and attends a fairly prestigious law school. He has a little savings, hardly ever gets sick, has a girlfriend of two years, and overall leads a very, very normal and uneventful life. He likes it that way. 

It changes, one day, when Saki breaks up with him. She wants to focus on her career, she says, and thinks that they would have probably been better off as friends, anyway. He looks bored, she tells him, when they go out, and even after two years she doesn't think she really knows or understands him. 

(Kuro startles a bit at those last words, so like his own during one of his last conversations with Rikka. Unfortunately, that means he knows exactly how Saki feels.)

He's not bored, Kuro insists, but Saki smiles a little sadly at him, and says that he's probably being genuine, but she can't bring herself to actually believe him. Kuro is quiet, after that, unable to fault her. He's not sure if he's telling the truth, himself. 

Saki shakes her head when he pulls out his wallet to pay for the two of them one last time and splits the bill with him when they leave the restaurant. They shake hands outside the door, and stare at each other for a moment longer. 

"I'd like to stay friends," she says, her voice almost wistful, "But I have a feeling that I might not see you again."

"That's ominous," Kuro says. She laughs, though it's a little strained. 

"Well, say hi if you see me, and I'll do the same," she responds. "Don't be a stranger, if you can help it."

He raises an eyebrow at the wording, but nods. Saki smiles faintly, leaves first, and Kuro watches her go, until her back is out of sight. 

.

Things go downhill, after that, like the universe has decided to cash in whatever misfortune it's been withholding. 

Kuro is suddenly out of a job, when the store he's been working at is irreparably damaged; the store owner promises him a job if he can rebuild, but with the investigation under way, the possibility of the money he can collect via insurance and using it to rebuild is extremely questionable. 

About two weeks later, as Kuro is still job hunting, the apartment complex he lives in sends a notice out to its residents that the building has been sold and everyone must move out within one month. The building manager is unreachable for the first week, and when he finally does pick up the phone, his voice is high and distressed and can only repeat it’s out of my hands, my apologies, there’s nothing I can do over and over. The whole thing sits oddly in Kuro's stomach. He doesn't think that he's specifically being targeted, despite this chain of consecutive severe downfalls, but he feels like there's something else at work here.

In any case. Kuro sits on a park bench, a flyer for another apartment complex in his hands, and stares at the yellowing grass. It’s late summer, and in the span of a month, he's been dumped by his girlfriend, lost his job, and lost his home. His savings will tide him over for a short while, but the lack of place to have and to move his things to weighs heavily on him. 

Kuro puts his head in his hands and breathes deep. He could probably sleep in the school library for a while if it comes down to it, but he still needs a long term solution. He's still young. He can figure this out. 

A breeze picks up and lifts the loose flyer out of Kuro's hands. He watches it fly away, hitting the ground before being carried a few more feet and hitting the ground again with loud, papery smacks.

Sakuragawa Kuro has a short term solution: to sleep in the school library once he's officially kicked out of his apartment. He has a second short term solution as well, the favorite of any college student his age when times are tough: get drunk.

Very drunk.

How much worse can things get, anyway?

.

Gunshots make everything exponentially worse, he decides, as he rests his head against a lamp post. He’s not entirely sure where he is—he’d wanted fresh air and wandered, but a brief glance around reveals that he’s on an empty street that he thinks leads up to a park. Wow, maybe he'll die here tonight, after everything that's happened. He's had too much to drink, but at least everything is numb, so he takes in the increasing noise around him with an incredible sense of calm. 

"Sir? Sir, I think you should evacuate the scene," a feminine voice says, and he peels himself away from the lamp post to see a young girl standing next to him, her left hand resting on a cane. 

She's wearing a frilly black dress with intricate white embroidery that stands out underneath the light. Kuro stares, and she shifts after his gaze has lingered a little too long, shooting him a suspicious look.

"Your dress," he manages thickly, as he meets her eyes. They are startlingly clear and a bright indigo, and his head pounds a harder. He winces as the increase in pressure, holding a hand up to his head.

"Oh my, you have a good eye for quality," the girl says, flouncing her skirt with pride. She blinks when he winces, then looks a little closer at him, and her eyes widen just a little. He's not sure what is happening, but the glare of the street light is also starting to hurt his head, so he walks a little ways away from it. The girl follows, her shoes and cane tapping on the concrete.

"Are you drunk?" she asks, her voice innocent and curious.

"A bit, yeah," he says, leaning against the stone wall this time. Dimly, he registers more gunshots, and he looks at the girl next to him, delayed panic setting in. There's a young girl here. "Wait—you—run, those are gunshots—"

"Yes, I've been trying to tell you to evacuate, but you seem to be incapable of doing so," she says, businesslike, perfectly at ease as she pulls out a cell phone and taps a message out. "It's your lucky night that I'm here, then." 

His lucky night, is it? It doesn't feel lucky at all. 

"Have a seat," the girl suggests, and he obeys, sinking onto the ground, even though he really should be running. He leans his head back against the wall, and the girl leans in a little and scrutinizes him a bit more. "You have very nice collarbones," she says suddenly, and he blinks at her.

"What?"

"Your collarbones. I like them," she repeats, slower this time. He looks down to the top couple buttons of his shirt undone. 

"Oh," he says, for lack of anything else to say. 

"A man should have nice collarbones," the girl says, decisively. 

"Okay," he says. 

"Anyway, what your name?" she asks.

"Sakuragawa Kuro," he says, and she hums. 

"Iwanaga Kotoko," she says, watching his face. He bobs his head in acknowledgement, and she smiles a little at this. 

"Iwanaga-san," Kuro begins, squinting at her. "Gunshots notwithstanding, isn't it dangerous for middle school girls to be out this late at night to begin with?"

"How rude!" Iwanaga says, her cheeks puffing up childishly. "I am twenty years old, thank you. I'm ashamed to say my face hasn't changed very much since middle school, but—! It has changed some, thank you very much! You could have at least said high school student!"

Kuro laughs, and she looks startled at the sound, and were he a little more sober he would notice the dusting of red across her face. 

"My bad," he says, still chuckling, "Then, a young lady like you shouldn't be out so late at night anyway."

"It matters not," she shrugs, taking a seat next to him and looking very dignified as she does so. "I'm not afraid."

It's not a matter of being afraid, he thinks, or says, he's not sure. At that moment, someone rounds the corner, spots them, and raises a gun—and drunk as he is, Kuro's body moves before his mind can catch up. He throws himself in front of the Iwanaga girl, her eyes widen, and he hears the crack of a gunshot before he blacks out.

.

"I rather like him in my lap," he hears a voice say, as a hand runs through his hair. "Up close, I really do like his face. Is this what they call love at first sight?"

"My lady, please...he's a civilian."

"Foolish and unnecessary as it was, he jumped in to save me. I think that merits something, don't you think? Bring him back with us. I'll have Sanshiro treat that bullet wound."

"...Yes, my lady."

He hears a laugh. 

"A lucky night for both of us, then," she says, and the darkness drags him back under.

.

When he wakes, his shoulder hurts, and there are two strange creatures in the room. They're probably dogs, one black and one white, but they're very long and leggy and certainly not a breed he's used to seeing. They look a little nervous, and they walk over and circle the bed he's lying on before sniffing him hesitantly. He tries to reach a hand out to pet one of them, but they shy away, blinking at him with their large, wary eyes. 

"Oh, you're awake," a voice says, and he looks over at the door to see the young girl from last night. He wracks his brain for her name, as the dogs trot over to her and circle around her. She pets both them before walking closer to his bed, and the dogs lie down by her feet. 

"Iwanaga-san," he says, voice hoarse.

"You remember my name," she says, pleased, then considers. "I suppose you would, if you got shot on my account."

It comes back to him then, the full events of their previous encounter, though the details of the conversation they shared are lost. 

"On your account?" he asks, putting one hand over his eyes. "Whoever they were...were they after you?"

"Yes and no," Iwanaga says, sitting on the side of his bed. "It would be more accurate to say that I was after them, and unfortunately things got messy. But they caused a mess on my turf in the first place, so I could say they were after me, as well."

"That's...confusing." 

"Well, you are a civilian."

A civilian, she says. He vaguely remembers a man’s voice pleading—my lady, please, he's a civilian—and suddenly he's not sure if he wants to ask what he was going to ask.  

He might have looked suddenly wary, because Iwanaga smiles at him, and leans a little closer.

"Kuro-san, do you need a job?" she says cheerfully, and he freezes. "I'd say it's a good deal, and it comes with a place to live, free of charge, with a full range of amenities, of course."

"That sounds too good to be true," he counters, after a brief pause, and she laughs.

"It's not an easy job," she says. "And there's some risk involved. But I think the benefits will outweigh it."

She leans over to whisper his anticipated pay in his ear, and he raises an eyebrow. It's a very calculated amount—high pay, but not outrageously so. He wouldn't have to worry about expenses, and could put a hefty amount into his savings, and could afford semi-frequent luxuries if he so chose. 

"What's the job?" he asks, narrowing his eyes, and Iwanaga continues to smile. 

"My right hand," she says. "It's safe enough, by my side. But again, there is some risk involved. And I'll need help when I need it."

This is the first risk, Kuro realizes, that his job doesn't have a specific description, nor specific hours.  

A minute passes, two. Kuro considers the recent events of the past month, and this sudden golden offer. 

"There is an alternative, too," Iwanaga says, her eyes gleaming. "But it's least two steps."

"And what," Kuro says, wearily, "Is that?"

"We could date," she says, batting her eyelashes, "As a preamble to getting married."

He chokes on his own saliva. 

"It was love at first sight," she continues hotly, unperturbed by his reaction, "Of course, we could do both—that is, you could take the job and date me, and I come with quite a lot of assets if we get married."

"I wouldn't agree to it just for...whatever fortune it is you have," Kuro manages to get out, between coughs. "And there has to be more than two steps involved in that."

"Well, that's silly," Iwanaga sniffs, ignoring the last part. "But I suppose that's sweet of you, too. In any case, it's not a bad deal, is it? You've recently broken up with your girlfriend, you're out of a job, and you'll be evicted in less than three weeks. You don't have any better options, here, Kuro-san."

He frowns at her.

"How, exactly, do you know all that?"

"I have my ways, which you can learn a bit of if you accept my offer," she says, continuing to smile. 

He comes to the realization, then, that the choice is—more illusory than it seems. He doesn't feel in danger, and he could probably walk out of here if he wanted to. But. But. She's used to getting what she wants, and so if he left, it wouldn’t be the last he would see of her. And he...well, she's right, he doesn't have any better options. There's not a real choice, here.

"I'll take the job," he says, exhausted. 

"Wonderful! And about my other proposition...?"

Oh, she was serious, Kuro thinks, with mild surprise. 

"For that I'll...have to think about it," he demurs, as best he can.

She pouts, but seems satisfied enough with the fact that he's taking the job offer. Iwanaga reaches out a hand, and it takes what little energy he has left to shake it. 

"That's well enough, then," Iwanaga smiles, and grips his hand firmly. "Welcome to the mafia, Sakuragawa Kuro-san."

He doesn't startle, merely lets out a deep sigh. It's odd, to hear it confirmed out loud, though he had an inkling that this was where he was headed towards. You look bored, he remembers Saki saying, and closes his eyes briefly. Now, he's just tired. 

"Waka, Momo, be nice to him, now," Iwanaga says, and the dogs lift their heads. They sniff at him again, and this time when he reaches out to pet them, they allow it, though they still look at him a bit warily. 

"Is it too late to ask," Kuro begins, as Iwanaga begins to walk away, the black dog, Waka, following her. Momo lingers behind, still curious, apparently, about Kuro. "Who you are, specifically?"

Her eyes widen, and then she laughs. 

"Well, no, I suppose," she says. "They call me the Heiress. My parents run the Iwanaga Group as the heads, but—I do, as well."

The Heiress, indeed. How literal.

"Wow," he says, flatly. 

"You could stand to be a little more impressed," she sniffs.

"Wow, amazing," Kuro says, with only marginally more feeling.

She pouts at him.  

"In any case, take this time to recover; I'll take care of your other affairs. I'll also have someone come to take measurements for your suits in a day or so, if you’re well enough to stand."

"Suits," Kuro echoes. "Right."

He's still kind of winded from what she said first, that she’d take care of his other affairs. Kuro doesn't have to do a thing, and all his problems are being solved in a heartbeat. 

"You needn't sound so excited," Iwanaga pouts, "Your daily life will be unimpeded for a while, and you'll be able to attend school fairly normally. It's more likely than not that I—and therefore you—will be warned in advance if we need to sortie. Just think of it like any other on-call job. In any case, I hope you aren't squeamish, Kuro-san."

He makes a noncommittal noise, and she smiles one more time before leaving the room, the two dogs trailing after her. 

It's only after that he realizes that even though he now knows who Iwanaga Kotoko is, he doesn't actually know what it is that she, specifically, does. 

He sighs again. Well. He had more or less already hit rock bottom—now, the only way from here is up, right?

.

(Some weeks later, he is formally introduced to the rest of the Family, walking into the dining hall in one of his new perfectly tailored black suits. He presumes this isn’t all of the Family, but an impressive number of them line the sides of the room, perfectly straight, their own suits just as crisp. Some are old, some are young, and there are men and women alike. The intensity of the stares unnerves him, but he keeps his eyes on Iwanaga, who is sitting at the head of the long table eating her breakfast with elegance. Waka and Momo pad over to circle him, and Waka returns immediately to Iwanaga's side while Momo escorts Kuro the rest of the way. He stops when Momo stops, a few feet away from Iwanaga, though the white dog leaves him after a moment to stand next to Waka. Kuro feels a rush of gratitude for the dog, who has instructed him more than anyone else so far. 

"Good morning," Iwanaga greets, wiping her mouth with a pristine white napkin. "You look very good in that suit."

"Thank you," Kuro says, and he supposes he's meant to say something more, because a few of the others shift, or give him a measuring look. 

Iwanaga doesn't seem to mind, either way.

"Everyone, this is Sakuragawa Kuro. He took a bullet for me a few weeks ago. Today, he starts his position as my right hand."

Silence, though Kuro isn't sure if it's shock or simply decorum. The looks he gets are—honestly, less hostile than he'd expected. He thinks he sees pity on several faces. He's not sure what that means. 

Iwanaga waves him over, and he crosses the remaining distance. He thinks he knows what he's meant to do, now, though he hasn't been given any particular instruction.

He kneels. Iwanaga blinks, surprised, but looks pleased. 

"Boss," he says, then pauses. "My lady." 

"Either will do," Iwanaga says, amused, holding out her hand. 

He takes it in his own and kisses the back of her hand. Iwanaga smiles, he stands, and moves just behind her, to her right. 

"You learn quick," she says, resuming her breakfast. "In any case, this whole…ceremony is only for this morning's formalities. It would be absurd to do this every day."

Kuro has to admit that he's relieved to hear that. 

Iwanaga finishes her meal relatively quickly, and she rises, using her cane to help her up. He supposes he'll learn the story behind that, soon enough. 

"So, what's today's agenda?" he asks, as he follows her out. 

"Nothing special for now, just familiarizing you. You're still basically a civilian at this point, after all."

Kuro has nothing to say to that. Iwanaga glances at him.

"To be honest, you're remarkably calm for someone who's just joined the mafia," she says. "Or is it simply because you don't know much about us?"

"If I'm just a regular civilian, what cause do I have to know about the details of the mafia?" he says, raising an eyebrow.

"Touché. In any case, if you're concerned, no one here will mess with you, unless you provoke them first. But I doubt you will, and I don't think me telling you this will go to your head, either."

So, he's under her protection, and it seems like it's worth quite a lot even if she is the heiress to the group, if she can say this so surely.

"That's quite the confident assumption for a random drunk college student you picked up off the street a few weeks ago," he points out. 

She giggles, a suspicious sort of hee hee that has him narrowing his eyes. But she says nothing else, and Kuro lets it go. He follows after her in silence as they tour the place and meet other employees; they all greet him politely enough, but their gazes linger, and again he’s not sure if he sees pity amidst the curiosity.  

"Are you bored?" Iwanaga asks when they take a break for lunch, not looking at him as their food is served. They eat together, this time.

"No," he says, watching Iwanaga cut into her food with beautifully precise moments. 

She looks up at him, tilts her head a little, and the corner of her lips quirk up.

"Oh?" she says, turning her attention back to her meal, evidently not expecting a response.

Oh, Kuro thinks to himself, as he turns to his own plate. This time, he might actually be telling the truth.)

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 21)

Alone At Last

Whew! Okay, this is a pretty long chapter and guys... it’s time for some lewds. Yeah, so this chapter is explicit, fair warning! Also, it shows off some research into horseshoeing that I have no idea if is historically accurate but I tried my best. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! This is another chapter I am particularly nervous about posting, haha! :P 

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

The three of us carried on our journey back as soon as we woke, right after some coffee and some canned strawberries passed around between us. I gave Rayna a generous brush down and some celery, thanking her for her service over the previous days, before we left. We took our time heading back, an unspoken agreement between us all that we were happy to dawdle, just a little, to give ourselves some time away. We only really started speeding up when we spotted clouds rolling in overhead about halfway back. None of us particularly enjoyed being soaked through in the rain.

Alas, we knew it was coming when the first spots began to fall. I cursed under my breath, praying that it was just going to spit for a while before miraculously clearing up. It didn't, of course, and it soon came down full force, soaking my shirt and dampening Rayna's coat. The three of us galloped against the pelt of the storm, thunder rumbling overhead. The weather was being so loud I very nearly missed the clanking sound, rhythmic, matching Rayna's hoof beats. I frowned, head dipping towards the source of the sound, below me, and with a groan of despair I very quickly realised what it was. 

"Hold on a second, fellers!" I called out, slowing Rayna down and noting a sudden change in her gait, something close to a limp. I swung down from the saddle as the men stopped too, watching me with matching frowns. 

A check of her hooves confirmed it; her front right shoe was loose, far too loose for me to feel comfortable riding on it. I sighed and pressed my head into Rayna's shoulder. It never rains, but it pours, I thought.

"It's the damn shoe," I informed the others, dragging my hand over my face as I straightened up. 

"We can take it slower, if that helps," Charles said, wincing not-so-hopefully. 

"Ideally it needs to come off, it's real wobbly."

"Easily done. I've got some kit in my saddlebags, I've had this happen one too many times, now I jus' carry the stuff wherever I go," Arthur hopped down from Jet and approached, carefully lifting Rayna's foot to take a look himself. "Yeah, that'll need to come off. Charles, why don't you carry on? No sense in all of us staying out here in the pouring rain."

"You sure? I don't mind staying to help," he replied. Arthur shook his head. 

"We can handle this, you get on. You can tell the others what happened if we make it back late," he said, waving his hand at Charles to encourage him to get moving. 

"Of course. Take care of yourselves, maybe find some shelter in those trees," Charles pointed towards a turn off in the road nearby, heading into a dense patch of trees. 

"Will do," Arthur nodded. The three of us said our goodbyes, and Charles carried on down the trail. 

I came around to Rayna's front, taking hold of her reins, and Arthur did the same with Jet. We led our horses down the offshoot of trodden ground that led into the trees. The path was dryer under the cover of the thick branches up above and with my vision clear from falling rain I realised it wasn't just a trail through the woods. It was a path up to someone's property; there was a small cabin at the end of the trail, it looked old and overgrown with plant life embedding itself into the walls, crawling up to the roof. 

"Look," I pointed to it, grabbing Arthur's attention. "Reckon somebody's home?"

"I don't know, I'll go over there and check it out. Looks like there's a little awning 'round the side that'll keep the horses dry while we sort this," he said, then jogged up the path towards the building. 

I watched him from a distance, seeing him round the property and peek in through the windows. He disappeared around the back and he was gone for a short while, but eventually came jogging back. 

"Place looks abandoned, nobody in there, no food or supplies or nothin'. Looks like it ain't been touched in years," he told me. It was a no-brainer, then. 

We headed up the path with our horses, leading them to the outcrop of weathered wood that served as a fairly decent cover for them, besides a few leaky spots. I got Rayna settled, hitching her up to one of the posts holding up the roof and giving her mane a brush through with my fingers. I removed her saddle and the bearskin to make her more comfortable, and carried them around the back of the small cabin to where Arthur had managed to get in through a door that looked to have been broken into long ago. 

I put the saddle and bearskin down by the door once I was inside and looked around the place, plucking my hat off and shaking my damp hair out. Cobwebs hung from every corner of the room and there was a generous layer of dust on just about everything. It was a one-room set up, with a little kitchenette immediately on my right as I walked in, a dining table just in front, and a bed up against the back left corner. I didn't stay long, heading back out to join Arthur; he was retrieving a rasp and shoe pull-off from his saddlebags. 

"You want me to do it?" He asked. 

"You've done it before," I said, nodding. "I only ever had it done by the farrier."

"Alright. It'll take a bit, but we can do it here. You keep her calm, alright?" Arthur put the pull-off down on the wooden boards that made up the floor below us, keeping hold of the rasp as I came around to Rayna's side, petting her. 

Arthur picked up her foot, bracing it between his knees as he started filing down the clinches, long strokes taking them down little by little. I watched him as he worked, the bulk of his shoulders moving with such strength and… grace, oddly enough. I made sure to keep Rayna happy, feeding her a sugar cube. She was a good girl, anyway, didn't need much to keep her calm. 

"Don't you worry, girl. We'll get this thing off'a you soon enough," Arthur said, speaking to Rayna in a buttery tone that made me smile. Arthur Morgan, the terrifying outlaw.

It took a while for Arthur to remove the clinches, and he'd worked up quite the sweat doing it. He took the opportunity to remove his leather jacket – handing it to me – between readjusting Rayna's foot, turning so he could trap it between his thighs and face the bottom of it. He used the pull-off to prise the shoe from her foot, tugging on one side and then the other, evenly, until the nails loosened up and could be removed completely. I kept a close eye on what he was doing, just in case a situation such as this ever arose again and I had to do it myself. 

He finally got the shoe free, brushed away the dirt from Rayna's foot and checked for any unnoticed injuries. He seemed satisfied, giving her her leg back. She wouldn't like having one shoe missing, but it was safer and would have to do until I could bring her to the nearest stables to get a new set put on. Arthur put away his tools then swapped me his jacket for the shoe. He gave Rayna a nice rub on the neck.

"Good girl. That weren't too bad, was it?" He said to her.

"Thank you, sorry for making you do that. It looks hard work," I told him and he waved a hand dismissively.

"No problem. How 'bout we get out of the rain for a while, sit inside?" He suggested and I didn't hesitate to agree. 

I gave Rayna a parting pat on the neck before heading inside, Arthur soon joined me, hanging his jacket from the back of the single remaining dining chair. There was a second chair, but it was laying on its side with one of the legs missing. The place was dark with only two small windows letting in what minimal light was escaping through the thick clouds, but Arthur found a lantern hanging from the wall and lit it with a match he struck against the bottom of his boot. 

"There, that's a little better," he said softly to himself as he put the glass back in place around the flame and the light spread across the room, casting everything in orange. He glanced around, eyes settling on the bed pushed into the corner. He crossed over to it, smacking his hand against the bare mattress, kicking up dust and brushing it away until he was satisfied enough to sit down. He removed his hat and hung it off the bed post. I took the seat at the table, leaving the horseshoe there and plucking my blouse away from my skin and shaking it a little in a vain attempt at drying it off. It clung to me all over, soaked through.

We sat there for a while wordlessly, the rain battering the roof to supply a constant shhhh sound to fill in the silence. Arthur was sitting forwards, elbows on his knees as he kept his eyes on the ground, and I was sitting with my hands clasped together on the table in front of me, once I'd blown away some of the dust. To say the atmosphere was awkward would be wrong, but not far off. It was more like, overly polite. Neither of us wanted to address the fact that here we were; alone, which was exactly what we'd said we wanted just the other night. It'd been so easy to admit to longing for that, wrapped up in each other in a situation where it was impossible. But now that we actually had our wish, it seemed that neither of us knew what to do, what lines were in place and which we could cross. 

I let my eyes wander over to him, about the same time Arthur decided to do the same. Our eyes met for a series of tense moments and eventually a laugh bubbled from my lips, making him smile. 

"What?" He asked. I shook my head. Abigail crossed my mind, along with a few choice words about making the first move, spoken in her voice. 

I cleared my throat and rose to my feet. Arthur watched me unashamedly as I crossed the room to him, stopping just shy of the bed. He held his hands out to me and I took them in mine, letting him tug me over the rest of the way; I eventually planted myself down on the bed next to him. His eyes scanned me, paying particular attention to my torso; noticing the way my sodden blouse stuck to me and appeared see-through, showing my underthings. I relinquished a corset and chemise when I dressed in trousers for active work, saving the unnecessary layers for the days I wore more ladylike attire; and so I was left with my corset cover acting as a camisole to give me some semblance of decency under my blouse. 

Arthur averted his eyes after a moment of staring, his mouth opening but not saying anything. I wanted him to kiss me just like he'd been meaning to the other night in his tent, and to not hold back his exploration of his big, gentle hands. Gosh, I ached for him. 

"The rain doesn't sound like it's letting up," I commented timidly, eyes focused on the third button of his off-white shirt because it was easier than looking at his face just then. "Would be a shame to just… just sit here in silence, waiting it out."

"You wanna talk?" He asked, his question uttered in such a way that told me he wasn't actually asking if I wanted to talk, but rather, he was looking for confirmation of me wanting something else. 

"I think it'd be nice if you kissed me right about now," I whispered, lifting one shoulder in a meek shrug. Arthur let out a series of breaths that resembled a laugh, then he reached for my cheek, tilting my head up, moving in to connect our lips in a smooth motion with no trace of hesitation. 

His kisses were playful, teasing, moulding into me for just a second too short before he pulled back for a breath, then going in all over again. Between kisses, he whispered; "that's what I was hoping to hear," turning my stomach into a ball of writhing snakes, tickling me from the inside out, making me giggle against his mouth. 

I grabbed hold of his suspenders like I so often did, using them to anchor him to me as he pressed his tongue to my bottom lip; this time I was ready for him and I opened up, welcoming a deeper exchange. I made a little sound as his tongue met mine; careful in nature but certainly not timid. I could taste him better this way, and I didn't know the words to describe it. Certainly not bad, pretty neutral as far as flavours go, but the fact that it was him I was tasting riled me up and made me moan aloud, far more vulgarly than I ever had before. It made Arthur break away, get a look at my eyes. 

"Come– come here," he murmured, taking my hand in his and pulling me towards him, turning me. I cottoned on to what he was wanting and another involuntary sound left me when I allowed him to guide me onto his lap, my legs kneeling either side of his on the mattress, my butt against his thighs, so close. So intimate!

Arthur's arms circled around my waist, pulling our torsos flush together as he resumed the work of his lips and tongue, playing with me in a way that made my body fizz and light up like I'd been struck with electricity. My hips edged forwards, tilting, aching to rock, to invade his space, I held myself together and tightened my grip on his suspenders, trying my damnedest to resist. It was difficult, though, my baser instincts driving me, especially when Arthur's hand slipped lower, settling on my backside to support me between his knees when he parted them wider. I rocked against him, a gasp catching in my throat as a groan escaped his. The kiss stopped abruptly and I was quick to stammer out an apology.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" 

His lips where at my jaw instantly, spreading his affection like raindrops across my skin. 

"Don't apologise," his words were difficult to decipher with his mouth pressed up against me. I had a few moments of clarity, my eyes opened against the orange of the room, the aged wood behind Arthur, the smell of damp, the sound of heavy breathing from the both of us suddenly so loud in my ears. The space between my legs throbbing damn near painfully. It hit me full force what was happening, the fact that it was unnervingly real. Before I knew what I was doing I had my hands on his shoulders and I was shoving at him. 

I didn't have to shove hard, at the first sign of disapproval Arthur let me go and held his hands up, leaning back, but the look in his eye was one of hurt. No matter how quickly he attempted to hide it. My jaw was slack when I looked at him, jerking my hands away from him in instant regret. 

"No, I didn't mean that. I don't know why I did that, Arthur, I'm–"

"Forgive me, I took things too far," he shook his head. 

"No, you didn't. I want this, I do, I just– it was all too much, all good, I didn't know how to handle it, I didn't want you to stop," my face burned red and I hated myself. Arthur was closing down, his jaw tense, brow firm and serious.

"You don't have to say all that, I won't be upset if you don't want this, last thing I want is to put pressure on you. I've been selfish, princess, I'm a man and I– hell, that's no excuse," he shook his head, frowning deeper. 

"Arthur," I breathed, cupping his cheek and making him look at me. "I've never felt all this, it's so intense, but it's good! I just– I think I got overwhelmed. I don't think I can do everything just yet, do you see what I'm saying?"

"I understand, and I don't expect you to. Not one bit. Don't think I feel you owe me anything," he explained, finally letting his hands come near me again, one settling on the small of my back, the other stroking the hair at the back of my head.

"No, I just wanted to say that in case… in case I let things go so far, and then want things to stop, you won't think I'm leading you on, being unkind," I let my eyes drop as my forehead pressed against his. 

"I won't ever think that," he whispered so sincerely, so kindly. 

"I'm so sorry I ruined it," I squeaked, feeling emotion bubble up in my throat. Crap. I couldn't cry on top of everything else.

"Shh, angel, you've done no such thing," he told me, pulling me into his chest for a hug. I leaned my head on his shoulder and pressed my face into his neck, squeezing closer. I felt him between my legs, a little hard from our kiss and it reignited the warmth low down in my core. Letting my fingers walk their way down his sides I took a moment to consider my words.

"I don't want to stop. I don't want to go too far, but I want to make you feel… nice," I felt so silly saying it like that. "I don't want to leave you like this," I added, making a point to roll my hips once more, feeling him go rigid. 

"Keep doing that, and you won't have to," he uttered, strained, fingers curling in the wet fabric of my blouse. 

"Yeah?" I whispered, doing it again. He hummed something pleasant and tightened his arms around me, using them to lift me, adjusting me a little bit so when I did it again he released a strangled little sound, badly suppressed. "Is that good?" I asked, feeling him nod firmly. 

I leaned back so I could look at him, he avoided my eyes, tilting his head down and hiding his face from me. I ground against him, feeling his erection between my legs, I focused my movements to rub up and down the length of it, rolling forwards and hearing the scratch of my jeans against his. I let out a loud breath and cupped his face, tilting his head up and having him look me in the eye. His expression was strained, almost a little guilty. I tried to kiss away any worries he had. 

"I like this," I exhaled, letting my eyes close for a moment. 

"You do?" He almost sounded surprised. My hips found a good rhythm, one that felt natural and came easy to me. Arthur's expression had loosened by the time I opened my eyes again, his lips were parted and his eyes were a little glazed, puffs of audible breath came from his mouth and were speeding up the more I moved. 

I nodded quickly. "Hold me, move me how you need to," I whispered to him and a thick, whine of a moan left him at that, eyes fluttering before coming back to focus on me. His hands found my hips and helped to guide me against him. He sped me up a little, his huffs coming louder, panting as if he was exerting himself. He whispered my name and I released something that sounded like a sob, immediately embarrassed by it.

"Does… does this feel good for you, too?" He asked me almost shyly, his voice sounding so deep and aroused it made my insides flutter. My drawers felt damp and the friction our movement caused felt lovely.

"Yes," I said, and it came out like a breath. He dipped his head below my chin, kissing my neck. His nose brushed against me seeking out my ticklish spots so he could avoid them with his mouth, focusing only on the nice spots. His hands on my hips tightened and moved me more fervidly, grunting as he did. Keeping his face buried against my neck he spoke again. 

"I wanna ask you something," he groaned, soon adding; "personal."

"Ask me."

"Do you– have you ever touched yourself?" He blurted out, his breath stopping, hands stopping too. I kept moving my hips, not wanting everything to cease. "Slap me, that was rude."

"I have," I told him, ignoring his concerns. Everything started up again like clockwork and Arthur whined, lifting his head to look at me. 

"You ever made yourself…" he trailed off, seemingly hung up on sounding proper. But this was hardly the time nor place. 

"Many, many times," I whispered, lips curling. 

"I wanna make you–” a groan cut through his words when I grabbed onto his shoulders for support and picked up the pace significantly. I almost regretted it, not getting to hear the rest of his sentence. Though, what he'd said worked on its own, too, given the context.

"Arthur," I crooned, feeling everything so slick against my core, his cock hard in his pants, insistent and throbbing, everything was incredible. 

"God, I'm gonna– little more of this–" he stammered, face reddening. 

"Say it," I sighed. 

"I'm gonna cum," he told me. 

I clenched around nothing at the utterance, so intensely aroused by the thought of him being stimulated enough to climax from this; I'd never felt anything like it. Suddenly I was spurred by it, the need to make him do it, to bring him pleasure. I reached for the buttons of my sodden blouse, popping open the first few before lifting the thing over my head and dropping it on the bed. 

The sound Arthur released was damn near broken, cracked in the middle and tapered off with a breathy laugh. 

"You're the first to see me like this," I whispered to him, watching his face morph into something affectionate and sweet, behind the hunger. My hips had faltered a little in my distraction but it mattered not, especially when I pulled my camisole up and overhead, exposing my breasts to him. 

His mouth worked around words that didn't come out as his wide eyes feasted on them. One hand instinctively slid up my side and closed around my left breast. I gasped at the sensation of being touched there for the first time, someone else's hands on my body, so new and thrilling I found myself arching into it. His thumb passed over a hardened nipple, stimulating me more than touching myself there ever had.

"Fuck," Arthur grunted, a guttural sound being thrown forth as he hunched jerkily, forehead coming into contact with my bare shoulder, knees raising a little. It was like he was curling in on himself, everything going rigid and tight including the hands on my body. He was panting loudly and heavily, it was all very intense. With my inexperience I had no way of being sure of what was happening until both hands returned to my hips and he halted me, a shudder running through him.

Everything was still for a few moments as Arthur slid his hand away from my breast, caught his breath, and my brain caught up with me. It occurred to me that he'd just orgasmed, and I'd had a hand in it. My core clenched and throbbed and I let out a shaky breath, every nerve in my body alive and zinging. When Arthur lifted his head he looked a touch embarrassed, his eyes not knowing where to settle; my breasts? My eyes? Behind me? Back to my breasts? I smirked and stroked his cheek.

"I didn't… didn't think that one through. What a mess I've made of myself," he muttered shamefully, wincing a little. I captured his lips in a kiss, feeling like the longer I left it to do so, the more distant we'd become. The more final that event would seem. 

My hips moved again, Arthur's hands caught me again. I whined. 

"Suh– hah– sensitive," he said against my mouth and I slid my hips back, away. A little guilty. He chuckled, perhaps realising he'd taught me something. 

Arthur lifted me, moving me like I was weightless, to place me down on the mattress beside him. He leaned over me, holding himself up on his elbow by my head as he kissed me, hand travelling down my body, over my breast and my stomach. His fingers passed a ticklish spot on my tummy and I jerked; he dodged that area and let his fingers dance along the top of my jeans. 

"Can I touch you?" He asked me, his voice so quiet and clear as it cut through the sound of the rain still hammering down from above. I nodded my head, keeping my eyes on his as he worked one handed to unbuckle my belt. It took a moment, but he got there, and he worked on the button of my jeans next. My breath picked up as he got closer to his goal, so full of anticipation I felt like I could scream. Hell, I wanted to, if only to release some of the tension I was feeling.

"You definitely want this?" He made sure, eyes so intimately locked on mine. 

"Please," I nodded again, throwing my arm around his shoulders. 

Arthur kissed me again as he worked his hand inside my jeans, then under the waistband of my drawers. His teeth ever so gently nipped at my bottom lip, earning a gasp, before his lips pressed to the corner of my mouth and held there while his mind concentrated on other things. His fingers made some explorative strokes over the curls of hair down there, before dipping lower, ghosting over my lips ever so lightly, making my body writhe and bow, a quiet squeak escaping me. I heard Arthur chuckle, felt the breaths roll over my lips. 

He stroked through my folds, fingers sliding so easy in my wetness, and Arthur let out a sound more pleased than I anticipated given I was the one being touched, not him. He found my clitoris, rolling it gently and lightly under his fingertips, making me gasp and tilt my hips to find more pressure. At this, he pressed harder, not out to tease me or keep me waiting for anything, he wanted to pleasure me. My breaths turned shaky and loud and I could do nothing but lay there with my eyes squeezed shut, clinging to him. It was surreal, having him touch me in such a way; surreal but anything but unpleasant. Another person's ministrations felt different from my own; both less and more intense. Less because it was new to him, he was just beginning to work out what I liked. More because it was him, of course, I needn't explain any further.

He moved faster, parting his lips by my mouth and swallowing up my moans. My eyes opened to find him watching me, taking in my expressions and reactions, his cheeks flushed and eyes lidded with lustful enjoyment. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and hummed behind them, tilting his head to look down at my body while his fingers wandered further south. He paused for a moment to press his lips against my collar bone, then again to the top of my breast, head tilting, nose drawing a line right down to above my nipple where his lips barely brushed before he thought better of it and moved back.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he whispered to me, then eased a single finger inside me. I cried out, my fingers squeezing into the fabric of his shirt, my head lifting and pressing into his shoulder to hide my face as he so gently explored me. 

He moved back and forth slowly, his digit curling and feeling out my walls until he found my sweet spot and I sighed my affirmations, just there, stay there. He rocked against that spot, breathing raggedly into my ear, whispering encouraging words, lips turning to press to my neck.

"That's it, princess, I wanna know what you like. Let me know, angel, don't hold back your sounds," he was saying, his wrist tilting, the heel of his hand seeking my clit. He rubbed it simultaneously, and my whole body coiled, pulsed, sang. I'd never felt so good, so aroused and stimulated and ready for my release. I let him work me up to my edge, pleading with him, don't stop, so good.

"Good girl," he purred, doing something completely indecent to me and driving my hips up against his hand. 

His lips found a spot on my neck that would normally send me into fits of giggles but right then it acted as the final thrill of stimulation to set me off and I choked out a shuddering groan when my body released. My climax was powerful, pleasure enough to make my eyes water and my ears useless as it rolled through me in intensifying waves that lasted and lasted before tapering off, leaving me dizzy. Panting like crazy. Arthur's hum of approval met my ears once they started working again, his fingers still working slowly, bringing me down, easing me back to reality. 

My upper body relaxed and I dropped back down against the bed, my eyes casting up to the ceiling as he finally withdrew his hand. He was looking at me, I could feel it, but I was too shy to look back. But shyness had no place between what we'd just done, and I forced myself to meet his gaze; he gave me a crooked, mindless little smile that showed me he was just as far gone as I was. Just as tired and spent and unfurled. He moved in to seal the deal with a kiss on the lips, a brief peck that warmed my mouth before more kisses were speckled across my cheeks, past my temples, up to my forehead. I closed my eyes and revelled in it, exhaling loudly and letting my hands slide up his arms to settle on his chest.

A moment later he was retreating, slipping out of my reach and stiffly sitting on the edge of the bed, a sigh escaping him. One that was a little more displeased than I'd like to have heard. It made sense very quickly, however. 

"I'm gross, better clean myself up before we do anything else. Can't believe I did that, shooting in my damn pants like it's the first time I ever looked at a lady," he said, mostly under his breath, tone littered with shame and self-deprecation. It confused me. Why on earth would that be something to be ashamed of? No different to what I'd done, really. 

Arthur shifted onto one side and pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket. He wiped at his fingers, first, setting a blush about my face before he unfastened his pants and the lower buttons of his union suit, cleaning up the mess he'd made of the inside of his clothes. I couldn't see anything from my position behind him, but boy was I tempted to sit up. I didn't though, knowing there'd be plenty of time for us to see each other in all our glory later down the line. Speaking of, I was suddenly reminded of the fact I was completely naked from the waist up, and hastily reached for my camisole.

As I pulled it over my head, wonder set in over how I'd had the guts to bare myself to him, especially considering I was suddenly so eager to cover myself up before he turned his eyes to me again. In the heat of the moment I had let go of all shame, nerves and hesitance. I'd wanted him to look at me. Now, with my inhibitions returning, I was undeniably embarrassed.

Arthur glanced over his shoulder to see me redressing, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. He put his handkerchief to one side and twisted in his place to face me. 

"Are you cold?" He asked me. I nodded, though I was okay, truth be told. His hand reached for my shirt, discarded on the bed, squeezing to feel that it was still damp. He didn't hesitate to temporarily slip aside his suspenders and unbutton his own shirt, still dry thanks to the jacket he'd been wearing in the rain.

"Oh, no, you don't have to," I said, realising what he was doing as he pulled his shirt off, revealing his union suit underneath. 

"I don't need it," he told me, pulling the suspenders back in place. "I don't want you feeling uncomfortable, sitting there in your underthings." 

"That's sweet," I breathed, smiling despite myself. I laughed when he sheepishly sniffed his shirt before handing it to me, seemingly satisfied with its cleanliness. "Thank you," I flushed, taking it from him and slipping it over my arms, only bothering to close enough buttons to keep it closed.

It smelled like him, of course. That sweet smoky firewood that I likely smelled of too, given our shared lifestyle. Plus his own personal scent that I couldn't describe, it smelled pleasant, even with the overtones of sweat. It'd been a hard couple of days riding and hunting, I was hardly immune from perspiration either, I wondered if he felt at all put off by the way I smelled. Frankly, nothing about Arthur could put me off.

Rain still battered the roof of our shelter, it didn't sound like it was stopping any time soon. Arthur commented something to that effect and I nodded, not finding an ounce of me that cared. I was happy. With a heavy, contented breath, Arthur moved to lay down on the bed then made little gestures with his hands to usher me over. Once I was close enough, he pulled me into his embrace and made me lay on top of him; much like I'd woken up on him the other morning. A smile spread across my face and I dipped my head below his chin to hide it from him. It only grew when his lips pecked the top of my head and his hand lazily began to brush up and down my spine.

[captainshadowgirllostfan]

This is the first Chapter Yugi POV of “How the Gang Met”

The day had started normal. The alarm clock bleeping, my hand crashing down to end it, and then Grandpa unceremoniously entering my room with his usual cheerful morning greeting, "WAKE UP YUGI!THE DAY CAN'T START WITH YOU SLEEPING THE DAY AWAY NOW!" And when that didn't work,there went several minutes in my room with my Grandpa beating me with a broom. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how it was this man who raised my father to be the sharp and brilliant businessman he was when half the time I swear the man was out of his mind. Maybe it was because I ended up being raised towards the end of the man's life. How old was he again? 60? 80? 90? A 100 years old?

"Now Yugi, today is an important day. The day you start your journey into becoming the great man you're meant to be. Now I know you've heard all the horror stories of high school, and I can't really say they are false. But trust me, it only starts that way. The key is surviving, and later becoming so great that when you come back to high school after many years, you'll say AHAHAHA! LOOK WHAT I'VE BECOME LOSERS! Unless you become popular." Doubt it. "Then you can still say, "AHAHAH! LOOK WHAT I'VE BECOME LOSERS!"

"Okay yeah Grandpa I understand." Not really. "But exactly how am I going to survive, if I don't really have any friends… Or even know exactly how I'm going to end up successful in the end."

"The key is, Yugi, to focus on your studies. And as for friends." Grandpa starts laughing boisterously, "Why you'll make a lot of them no problem. You know in my day I was rather popular you know. All the girls just wanted to be with me! But if you're anything like your father, you might not end up so popular. Not that your father wasn't meant to be unpopular. It was perhaps the fact that he was very reserved I suppose. Or the fact that everyone was just jealous over how brilliant he was!" Grandpa chuckled, while I raise my eyebrow.

"….You were popular?" I asked dubiously.

"Of course!" He grins. "What you don't believe your grandpa was such a ladies man back in the day?"

"It's not that I don't believe you..." To be honest I really didn't. If his way of getting girls is the same as now, there was no way women had any affinity towards my grandfather… Except for my grandmother, if my father's existence was any consolation, Grandpa probably did have some moves when it came to women. Still I highly doubted he was popular back when he was my age. I got his stature, and people with our stature just didn't invite popularity among the majority of people taller then us.

"Haha ah kids. So skeptical these days. Hmph. Fine don't believe me, not that it matters but it's true! I do have something though that may help with your friends' issue."

"Really?" I say, both shocked, intrigued, and hopeful. I mean I wasn't exactly popular in middle school… or ever really. Being a runt and all has it's drawbacks (again the reason #2 why I also think he's lying. I get my shortness from him and maybe my mother. My father oddly didn't get the shortness gene from his father, lucky bastard. Maybe it skips a generation…) like being bullied constantly in school, and being the last chosen in any sport or game. Oh also the lack of friends, because nobody wants to be friends with the short, unattractive, runt of the group. Hell if I wasn't such a runt, I'd probably not be friends with me either. I mean what benefit would,I, a runt be for a friend? Why exactly would anyone be friends with me? I'm useless. Hence the reason why I have no friends.

… Wow. This story suddenly turned into the sob story of an angst-y teenager, which I assure you I am not. I'm rather a very optimistic person, albeit shy. I do want to meet new people… I'm just not very confident. Being thrown into the dumpster many times during my past experiences of school does that to a person…

"Come now! Don’t tell me you forgot your lucky charm!” Grandpa laughed while I kept looking at him cluelessly.

“What are you-” I started to say only to find a golden box with a familiar creepy eye in the middle in my hands. “Your puzzle box!” exclaimed Grandpa while I stifled a groan. Right. My luck charm.

“You’ve been working on this since you were eight! I wonder why you stopped working on it. You were almost there!” 

I sighed. Not really. This puzzle had been the bane of my existence since I started. You see, I don’t like to brag, but when it comes to board games and card games I am the fucking king! I can win and complete the impossible. But this box… this puzzle…

Let me start in the beginning. When I was eight years old my parents died, and I had to live with my grandpa which wasn’t so bad to be honest. I loved my grandpa, but at the time… well I lost my parents. So to try and 

…I have no idea where that came from.

"So I was saving this till you were ready." He pulls out an ancient looking golden box. My hopeful expression deflates. Great, an ancient relic from his archeological days. I wonder if I rub it a genie will magically pop out and give me three wishes to make… "This Yugi is an ancient box" No duh. "Containing the pieces of a fabled magical item called the Millenium Puzzle. According to what this says, if you are able to solve the puzzle and put it back together, the item will allow you one wish, and it will happen. Your life will change forever." Grandpa ends with a dramatic air.

I look at him with a raised eyebrow as I accept his gift. Well not a magic lamp, but almost close. I guess I could humor Grandpa for a while. That and I do love puzzles, and any kinds of games really… except for the athletic kinds… cause I suck at those. "Thanks Grandpa. I can't wait to start solving this!"

"Haha I had a feeling you'd like it! You might end up making some friends with the puzzle." Yeah right, but Grandpa smiles and I feel a bit touched that he cares so much. Really I have the best grandfather in the world, even if I'm just saying that because I'm around him often, though if anything that just adds to how really awesome he is. I mean if you were around him as often as I, it'd probably drive you insane, and it does drive me insane, but in the end of the day, there really isn't a more caring person then my grandfather, plus he's the closest person to me. He knows everything about me, and understands everything that I feel! It's kinda creepy when I think about it.

"Now you go off now. The school bell will ring any minute now, and I don't want you to be late on your first day now"

"Bye Grandpa!" I wave my hand as I pack the Millennium's Puzzle Box in my back bag and make my way to school.

When I arrived at school, I was met with one of my old buddies from middle school. Actually, not really one of my old buddies, but he was a familiar face anyway. Joey Wheeler, A.K.A Asshole who won't get off my ass. Since as far as I could remember, the moment Joey Wheeler had come to Domino, he's decided that I would be his personal plaything. His excuse to the daily throwing my ass in a dumpster, stealing my homework, taking my lunch money, or whatever torture/punishment he decides to do to me for the day is one thing simple: to teach me to stand up for myself. Yeah, he's a real helper this guy.

"Well look whose finally showed up!" Wheeler says cheerfully as if we were planning to meet up and hang out before school. Really the day I become friends with this guy will be the day Ushio, the hall monitor, who takes his job way to seriously in my opinion, looses his head and tries to fall off a roof! Man do you have some gruesome thoughts. Maybe I should watch more My Little Pony.

"And where's that lunch you promised me?" Wheeler back to reality.

"What!? What lunch? What are you talking about!?" I ask my voice unintentionally getting higher with each word. Seriously what the hell is wrong with me? I'm not scared of this guy!

BAM! Ahhhhh… I gape as a fist almost collides to my face and hits the dumpster behind me. Damn it! How does he corner me so easily!

"Yugi! Here I thought we were friends. How am I goin' to eat if I have no lunch!?" Wheeler growls.

"I don't know." I whimper. Damn it! "Maybe you could uh buy some?"

"Or maybe" Wheeler smirks and I don't like it. "You could just lend me some money so I could buy some."

"Uh well… that isn't really what I meant." I mutter sheepishly scratching my chin. Wheeler grabs me by the neck shirt and then slam me back on the metal of the dumpster.

Geez what is with this guy and slamming people to dumpsters!

"Look punk! I know how loaded you and your gramps are being that he's a lead archaeologist and one of the greatest poker players in the world, and your pops owned one of those new big time businesses that you still get a paycheck from? Right?" How the hell did he know this? Shit! Is he stalking me?

"So I don't see how it is you can't have had some extra change in your pocket to give to a poor guy like me who's starving and got nothin' to eat later!" Wheeler finishes.

I just stare at him.

"Hey do'ya have a problem understanding English!" Wheeler shouted at my face and slammed me to the dumpster. Ow! That's going to leave a mark.

Okay this guy's not going to let up, but I'm not going to just hand him my lunch money like that! I mean come on I have to maintain some dignity and pride here!

"Okay! Okay! Here!" I gave him the change Gramps gave me to buy lunch today. Okay maybe I don't have any dignity and pride in me after all.

"Heh!" Wheeler smirked. Man! Is he insufferable! "Well I hafta say I'm disappointed Yugi! That was like taking candy from a baby! I expected so much more!" Are you kidding me!

"Oi Joey! What's going on?" Oh great it's Buffoon #2 coming in the join the party. And sure enough there's Triston Taylor coming around the corner toward us. Now compared to Wheeler, he isn't really so bad. I mean he and I used to do projects together in Middle School and he tries, emphasis on the "tries", to help out and not let me do all the work. He also, unlike Wheeler, attempts to make some civilized conversation with me, when he has to anyway, instead of smashing against a wall and stealing my money, all in all we have a very good non-intimate acquaintance relationship going on. Add Wheeler in the picture though, and well you can't really count on him to be my ally and defender. Today though it seemed he might be my hero.

"What the hell are you doing Joey? I thought you were going to stop picking on the shrimps ever since Kane transferred into the Rintama High School?"

"Now's not the time Taylor! Now are you goin' to help me throw this punk into the dump or are you goin' to stand there tryin' to reform me to your law-abiding ways and shit. Cuz I got news for ya buddy, you're wastin' your time." Wheeler sneered.

And so that's how I ended up in the dumpster that lovely Monday morning. Yeah my first day is going spectacularly! And Taylor really sucks at playing hero.

A/N: I know this chapter needs work. I’m gonna edit. I wrote it a long time ago and I know some things are wrong.

[tuba-d-toph]

Answer all 92?

Okay, sure

1:When did you lose your virginity? My 23 birthday

2: Rough sex or soft sex? I’m usually more of a softy

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? Not that I’ve found yet

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? Hmm... Probably this person’s bed who didn’t know we were staying there

5: Favourite sex position? This is probably weird... But the pancake

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? A mix of both

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? Just one (that I’d hoped wasn’t going to be one, but oh well I guess)

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Bed normally, but also the floor if I’m trying to keep the noise down or couch if we’re feeling risky

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yep, in the car at an overlook at 2 in the morning

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? I think when I was a teenager haha

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? I don’t really have a preference, whatever the lady I’m in the situation with feels great in is just fine by me

12: How often do you have sex? Not regularly, it’s been a while

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? Oh absolutely, but I doubt it’ll happen

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? I’ve received a lot more than I’ve given, but the person I was most involved with wasn’t that into receiving, so that’s skewed the results

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? I couldn’t finish the last time I did it and I think she thought she was the problem, but it was definitely shit going on in my head

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? I’ve never experimented here, so I’m not really sure

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? Same as above

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? I’ve never tried it, but I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Hmm... I’ve done it in the shower, but want to try in the bath because there’d be a lot more stability

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? I’m not into revealing things like this, especially because they’re someone mutuals know and I wouldn’t want to out them like that

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? I haven’t, but I’m definitely interested

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? I don’t, but there are a few I’m intrigued by

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? Oh definitely, more of the former over the latter

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? It’s tough to determine a best friend at this point, so I’ll leave this one up in the air

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) Pee/take a shower, if we got hot and heavy enough

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Knowing someone’s mutually interested in getting intimately involved with me

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? Late night, I’m not usually an early morning person for anything haha

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? Hmm... Speaking sexually, it’s always a toss up between the booty and boobs

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? Ehh, n/a

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: I’ve stolen a few things, oops... And a few of them being inappropriate things from people I know, so I could never let those be found

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: N/a

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] I mean, I made out with the last person I got a bj from after that act if that counts, it was just kinda a saltier taste haha

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: If you’re wanting a baby together; otherwise I’d rather stay safe and worry less about the baby thing or disease

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: Another thing I’ve not thought much about

35: Worst possible time to get horny: Probably a funeral

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Oh absolutely, but it’s also super fun when you have to be super quiet in an apartment so as not to attract the attention of your roommates in the living room, and you try everything you can to get each other to make a noise anyway

37: How much fapping is too much fapping: Eh, when it hurts I guess

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: “You’re so deep, babe” I haven’t gotten much else besides that

39: Favorite foreplay activities: Teasing each other until we can���t stand it anymore

40: What do you wear to bed? Usually just underwear, sometimes nothing

41: When was the first time you masturbated: Summer of seventh grade

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? Not currently

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Just the once a couple of months ago, if car sex counts

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Oh sure

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? This one’s been answered

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? This would kinda reveal something from question 30 and I don’t wanna

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? Lesbian sometimes, I’m more into solo things though

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Oh definitely, it adds to the interest rather than just with intercourse

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Fine by me, it’s their body, not mine

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? If they’re comfortable with it, so am I

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Probably syrup, that sounds like a terrible idea

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? Hmm, probably a prostitute, it seems like you’d have more options for choosing who you’re involved with there

53: Do you watch porn? Oh of course

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? Middle school was fucking awful, let’s just leave it at that

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Not usually, but I had to when I broke my leg, it was tough getting underwear over that x-fix

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? If was really thick, probably. I hate getting my own hair in my mouth

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? No I don’t think so

58: Booty or Boobs? Always a toss up, but if I’m really forced to choose: booty

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Not physically, but I said some inappropriate things to a couple of people outside of a relationship in high school and I’ll never be proud of that

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? Think of the usual answers to this and those’ll probably be mine haha

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? Oh yes, in a couple of situations

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? Same as above

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? Yep, a few awkward times, and a few that played to each others advantage

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Just my hand haha

65. What is your bra/penis size? Just shy of 6″ if you must know

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? N/a

67. When was the last time you masturbated? Earlier today

68. When was the last time you had sex? April 29

69. When was the last time you watched porn? A week or so ago

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? I haven’t and I’m not sure when I will if ever

71. Guys:Circumsized? I am

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? In a sexual situation, my thighs or knees oddly enough

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? The only one I have haha

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? N/a

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? Oh yes

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? A couple of weeks ago I think

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? The last one I had was definitely interesting, and it just happened to be about someone who doesn’t mind at all knowing (knew about this before talking to them about it haha)

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? Oh definitely, there are a few

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Bonnie Wright and Maisie Williams are the first who come to mind right now

80. Favorite sexual position? Already been answered

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? No

82. Are you into any BDSM? Not particularly, but I’ve never experimented

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Oh absolutely, there are quite a few and it’d take a while to get into

84. Do you like dirty talk? It depends on the situation. Definitely over text, but I get too anxious in person usually

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Quiet during both haha, much like my usual personality

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? Masturbation, yes. A roommate knocked on my door needing my attention

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? Already been answered in a few above

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? Yeah...

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? A few times, but after we started having sex there wasn’t usually a night we weren’t together

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? Yes just the one, and we still talk occasionally because we’re friends, but we’re becoming more distant lately

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? I haven’t, but there’s someone who’s mutually interested at the moment but we’re too far apart currently to try anything

92. Ask whatever you want - N/a

[anonymouskar]

Existential pain, the journey to proper living, art and love

The last post I made on here sucked. And for a long time I’ve had no desire to write anything with more insight or honesty at all. I often want to write on here after I’ve had my fits of desperate crying. This is just a ramble of thougths I’m having these last few days. I can’t structure them properly.

Long ass, depressing text (be careful exposing yourself to such negativity, haha):

I think I have been depressed for months. I always intuitively understood depression as a reaction to life circumstances that denied your true self. I’m not at all convinced it is a medical condition. It comes when you have no proof of the parts of you that redeem the pain of being you. It comes when life doesn’t validate your worth. And I think that is mostly due to a lack of social belonging, especially in our digital, individualistic time. No tribe.

To me, we seem to be split in two. One part of us that holds the eternal, spiritual, connected and secure us, and one that holds the conscious, animal, isolated ego us. I don’t think either of these are more “true”. I don’t subscribe to any philosophy that puts one over the other. I had a tragedy happen to me, and it blocked me from living in the animal ego world. To overcome it I had to sacrifice, and I had to face everything I was most afraid of. I did it to be able to live in the natural world. I know that is why I did it. I did it because that was the only way I could manifest in that world. I didn’t do it because I thought it would make me happy, really. I did it just to make myself possible.

We all have loads to carry. And we all know with outselves that we are deeply flawed. I know about myself that I’m scared, perverted, spiteful, jealous, limited, ugly, stinking. We all know this about ourselves. It makes it hard to love ourselves. I’m not sure loving yourself is even possible. I’ve tried so much self-help in attempts to reach that, I’ve tried strengthening my ego, I’ve tried deconstructing it, I’ve tried to examine my unconscious, I’ve tried grounding myself in my body, I’ve tried alone, I’ve tried with others, I’ve tried to be stoic, I’ve tried reprogramming my unconscious. But I still can’t reach the conclusion: I am worthy. In fact I think I’m totally unworthy. And I also think that about almost every other person. Because when I look around, I see despair, dysfunction, fear - but in that I see what is beautiful, too. I love others because they are limited, scared, voulnerable. And I can appretiate that in myself, but I still don’t see worthyness.

It remains to me a total mystery that someone can just know they are worthy. Worthy of love, connection, recognition. It’s a mystery to me that someone can know that about themselves. I can’t comprehend ever living like that. Like I’m a man someone I like could want. Or that I’m someone anybody could want to live with. In fact, when people who have initially liked me, and invited me to them, I’ve always seemed to massively dissapoint them. Too shy to open up. Too scared to stand sexual tension. Too self-hating to be patient with. Too quiet to be entertained with. Too passive to excite. I dissapoint, disgust and bore.

I didn’t think I would find myself crying myself to sleep at this point. I’m 23, I’ve gotten my life somewhat in order. Seen from the outside I have every reason to smile now, compared to before. I’ve grown a beautiful beard, I’m built and slim. I look better than I ever have. I sometimes think I’m sexy. I dress well. I paint better than I ever have before, I’m in better shape than ever. I know more now than ever. I’ve taken responsability for my own life and earn my own living doing something I enjoy. I have enough money now to spend on things that should inspire me. But I look around at my paintings, and all I see is failed attempts. I found myself thinking exactly that. “Fucking ugly failed attempts”. It’s harder than ever for me to paint, because I know I will end up hating every single painting. There are two paintings I’ve ever made that I love, and those are exactly the ones I’m ashamed to show anyone because they are kitschy clishes. I’m a clishe.

I tried as good as I could manage, where I was at, to live, but I always end up looking back at failed attempts. And as long as I can go back and somehow attempt to correct them, I still have hope, but it rarely helps. As long as there is progress, right? But if the progress never gets you there anyways? When has progress ever gotten us anywhere good? “I’m making progress”, well, isn’t that just an empty hope? Isn’t hope just a reason to prolong suffering?

Hope has been such a defining word in my life. It’s has been the reason I bothered to go on. I’ve never seriously contemplated taking my own life, but I’ve had fantasies of dying. On a plane for example, I’d imagine being relieved if it crashed. Don’t think I could ever sit in a moment with myself and decide to die, but maybe accepting it with a sigh of relief if death came to me.

The way I can most accurately describe how it feels to live right now, is swimming in the ocean. I’m just keeping my head over water, if I constantly swim. And it’s not that I see anywhere to swim to, I’m merely motivated by my absolute fear of sinking into despair underneath me. The ocean is made up of resignation from life. It’s where I came from. I swam up so that I could give myself a chance to experience life. And around me, I see others doing the same, but they all seem to have something to hold onto. A piece of wood, a direction, another person, an island even. Something to give them some relief.

I was told you could choose in life. You could choose to pursue what made you happy. Isn’t that the great narrative of this era. “Become the best version of yourself, be true to yourself and become happy at last”. Well, for one it seems to me that we have almost no control over our own choices. I’m sceptical to free will. Because how can I choose my desires? How can I choose my temperament? How can I choose my choices? What leads me to act as I do seems to me to be totally beyond me. Those are forces that are ancient, mysterious and so much stronger than me. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to reprogram myself. I’ve tried that by constructing a life that would demonstrate to me who I could be. I’ve tried to narrate my own story. I’ve asked myself “What do you want to experience?”, and I’ve tried to pursue that.

And you could ask, why force it? Why outline expectations of a life experience? Why seek out experience? Well, what other reason would there be to come to this life, than to experience? I WANT to exerience. I deeply want to. I want to experience connection, love, sex, friendship, passion. I want to fuck a woman like a man. I want to smile and look at her tenderly. I want to be a father to a child. I want to travel somwhere with a family. I want to go on hikes. I want to paint good paintings. I want to drive a car to my house. I want to have a garden and see my wife work in it while she sings to herself. I want to walk out of the shower with her in the room. I’m willing to pay for these things with years of pain. That is another life lesson I’ve learned. You have to pay for everything that is good, with pain. But I don’t see myself getting closer to it. “Progress”. Aren’t these the things that matter in life? If I died now, I know I’d think about my moments of greatest intimate connection and intimacy. I would think of smiles, glances, touch, voulnerable words shared. So, that is what I want to experience, because I think this IS what truly matters. I think it is what almost every person alive is mostly concerned with. Connection.

What upsets me most, lately, is my constant ruminations on my failed romance. Again and again and endlessly I blame myself for it all. I think back on all the oppertunities that presented themselves to me. She forgave my foolish mistakes again and again. I did everything wrong in the book, and still she came back. I said self-defeating things, I teased her too much, I was unclear in my communication, I was weak and afraid, endlessly insecure, I talked to much, I self-pitied, I over-shared. Did everything wrong. When I looked at her, alone in a room, when the atmosphere was tender and I melted inside because she was so oddly familiar and curious and beautiful. I looked away and acted cold because I was afraid of rejection. And I ended up making her reject me because I rejected myself. And I hate myself more for doing that. I never learned to stop, I just learned to hate myself more. Now when I see her I can see how she wants away from me. She is awkward. Maybe she’s ashamed too. I can’t do anything about it. But it makes me cry every time. I think I still love her. Stupid me, I love her. I love how she is. I saw a promise in her when I first met her. I found something that felt like I could belong to. I connected. I attatched myself. I thought she could nurture me, like people who matter nurture each other. It’s no shame in that, is there? Is there shame in needing validation and nurturing? Isn’t that what we all do?

Then why did I fail? If I fail again and again, in sexual, romantic encounters, then surely it’s me, and I should understand it personally, right? It’s not constant bad luck. I take it personally because it demonstrates how I can’t be who I wanted to experience life as, no matter how hard I try. And it’s a total mystery to me how someone can just accept love. They don’t know how lucky they are. Every person who has ever had someone knew that they were worthy, loveable, no matter how dysfunctional the relationship.

I don’t know that, and life demonstrates to me that I’m not.

[averyonelovesjack]

trust fund baby ~ zach herron

requested: yes

Hey darling, I know you have a lot of request to finish and I don’t want to be a bother so it’s no rush. But if you haven’t already gotten a request similar to so I was wondering if you could do a Zach imagine based of Trust Fund Baby? Maybe the reader is like the normal girl at school and the popular rich girl wants zach but he wants the reader? I just love the song so much and zach has me going crazy! Haha but I also feel like I can relate to the song a bit. Thank you so much darling, love you

summary: After being asked to help tutor him, y/n and Zach grow close and although there’s a popular girl after him, y/n is the girl zach wants.

warning(s): does it curse? maybe?

word count: 1973

author’s note: i realized that this is my second story having to do with a tutor but shhhh let me live. i hope you enjoy:))

My pencil rolled gently over the lines of my paper, creating small little flowers that were easily noted as doodles. My eyes flickered up at the whiteboard that my teacher had written down the notes on. The bell rang just before my teacher could open his dry mouth and I immediately picked up my books and shoved them into my bag. 

It was finally time to go to a class that I enjoyed, rather than this boring class. There was no information that would help me later in life after completing this class. i mean, no offense to anyone who chooses to become a geometry teacher, but this class was useless to me. 

Technically, I am not in a geometry class, however today’s lesson was using aspects of the geometry we learned last year and it seemed to be extremely unhelpful in what i chose to do with my life after high school.

Behind me, i heard my name being called as I exited the class. I spun around, looking to see if it had been someone calling me or someone else with a similar name, “y/n, wait up.” 

I feed the boy standing behind me a smile, “oh, hey zach,” 

“how’d you do on the last test?” He blurts out randomly, another girl coming up besides him with a flirtatious smile. 

 “okay. i think it was a 97,” I recognized that he had been talking about the class we were just in, as

“shit, ok good. i think i need a tutor. do you wanna help me?” I stare at the kid I’d known for a couple of years.

“you know, zach, i could always tutor you,” Angela batted her eyelashes. I sent her a look as if to question what the hell she was doing, “i do pretty well in this class, too.”

Zach turns to face her, “that’s really sweet of you, angela, but i was just going to see what y/n said first,” 

“i’d be happy to help you, zach,” I gave him a smile, “just let me know when you’re available,” 

Zach nodded his head, smiling and entering the classroom to our right.

I saw Angela huffing to the right of me, “yeah, whatever. i probably am busy anyways. some of us actually have a life,” She almost glared at me when she said this, “i mean, maybe that’s why zach likes me,” 

“good for you,” i let out a little chuckle and walked away from her. Despite whatever feelings I may have on the situation, it was probably true. Angela was the pretty, popular socialite of the eleventh grade. She was the first junior to be voted homecoming queen and she’s probably going to be the first junior to be the queen of the senior prom. Everyone is absolutely obsessed with her and her looks, and she’s got her eyes set on Zach Herron. He was bound to be hers by the end of the year. 

Zach sat across from me at his kitchen table, the two of us being the only ones home. It was fairly quiet, but the sounds of the different subjects we faced in Algebra 2R filled the room and made it quite tiring.

“this class is absolute bullshit,” Zach threw his pencil down on the table, “i’m used to getting nineties in math and now i got a seventy eight on the last test. it’s absolute bullshit,” 

“yeah, and the only thing yesterday’s lesson will help us with is passing this class. there’s no way we’re going to need this shit after high school, but it seems like the only way to get out of it is to pass,” I tell Zach, “is your brain overworked? we can keep going tomorrow,” 

“maybe we can just take a little break,” Zach leans back in his chair, “my mom threatened me with not allowing me to go to junior prom if i don’t get my grade up in this class. you’d think she’d take away something i genuinely care about,” 

I laughed a little bit, staring at him, “i don’t know, you sorta seem exactly like the person who would care about that sorta thing,” 

“what? why?” he chuckles, “it’s one dance that people spend way too much money on. it’s one night, not even the big thing, and i know that girls like angela are going to spend a thousand dollars on a dress and a driver and it’s just a waste of money. why don’t they save it? for like college or something,”

I nod my head, “i hear ya; i’m the last person you’d see in a pink prom dress. it’s not my scene,”

“i take it you’re not going,” Zach looks at me, “and here i was thinking it’d take me forever to convince you to not go with the guy you were gonna go with,” 

“what guy?” i scoff, “why would i go with anyone and why would you care? you’re going with angela, aren’t you?” 

“angela? no, she’s sweet and all, but i just don’t see myself with her. she’s a bit… extra,” Zach responds and i snort, that being the perfect word to describe her.

“you know she’s pretty damn convinced that you’re into her,” I tell the sixteen, soon-to-be seventeen year old boy with a grin.

His eyes widen, “you think so?” 

“she told me,” i nod my head, “we’re not friends or anything, so i don’t know what business i have in the relationship between the two of you-” 

“there isn’t anything besides maybe a friendship,” Zach informs me.

“well yeah, i don’t know why she needed to inform me of that, but she did,” i smile at him, “It’s getting late, i should probably get going,” 

“yeah, i can drive you home,” He stands up, closing his binder and moving towards the kitchen counter. I see him pull off the metal keys and fling them in the air.

“thank you, i appreciate it,” I answer.

“it’s no problem, really. i’m so thankful for you. honestly, i understand a lot more just after today,”

“i’m glad i could help,” I respond and grab my bag from the floor.

The two of us walk out to his car in his garage. It was his mother’s car, actually, and I got into the passenger seat while he sat in the driver’s seat. Zach pushed the key into the car, starting it up and backing out of the garage. 

We’d made it a little bit down the street, only a few minutes from my house, when the car began to move oddly. I looked at Zach, who seemed a little nervous as he pulled over to the side of the empty street.

“shit,” he hissed, “something’s wrong,”

i look at him with a sympathetic smile, “it’s probably just a flat, it should be fine,” 

“it’ll take like seven years for AAA to get here, i’m sorry,” he frowns, “it’s too far for you to walk. is there someone you can call? i don’t want you getting home late,” 

“zach, it’s a flat. you never learned how to fix one?” i look at the boy with confusion.

“what?” 

I unbuckle my seat belt, opening the door and getting out. Zach does the same thing, quicker though as he is intrigued. I walk around the side of the car, finding that the back right tire is flat, “you got a spare tire in the trunk?” 

“yeah, probably but-” Zach started, “you can-? you’re gonna-?” 

“change the tire?” i question with a laugh, standing up from my kneeling position on the pavement and moving towards the now opened trunk, “yeah, sure. my dad taught me when i was seven. one of the first things i learned.” 

Zach let me get the spare tire from the trunk, just watching as I moved towards the flat tire and began to get the car on the jack.

As I attempted to read over my notes from class, the doorbell rang through my house and distracted me from the studying that I was attempting to do. 

Groaning, i walked over to the door and opened it, as i knew that no one else was home and the person may never leave. Shock hit my face as I saw Zach standing in front of my house. he seemed a bit nervous, in fact he was looking at the ground when i saw him. 

 “Zach?” I look at him with a questioning look, holding the door open. 

“oh hey, y/n! i’m sorry i didn’t call before coming over here. it was kind of a spur of the moment decision, i hope you’re not busy,”

 I could hear the nerves in his voice. i gave him a small smile, “it’s fine zach, come in. what’s up? is something wrong?” 

“no,” he says, “well, sorta. It’s not really a problem, i just wanted to tell you something,” 

“ok…? you seem a little off, are you ok?” 

“yes, i just— you said you didn’t want to go to the junior prom,” Zach admits, “And i don’t have like a big promposal or whatever, and we don’t have to go to prom, but i wanted to ask you to go with me because it was the only way i could really have the guts to ask you out.”

 I was flustered, shocked that he’d actually come here for this. I wasn’t anything special; just your typical teenage girl, if even that, “you don’t mean that Zach. I’m not the girl you want, how is that possible?”

 He was confused and i didn’t know why i said that. Genuinely, i didn’t know why i told him that when there were a million other things to say, “what do you mean? why wouldn’t i?”

 I shook my head, “there are a million girls in the world that you could have. angela, for example. she’s the perfect girl and you deserve that,” 

 Zach shook his head, “i don’t want angela, y/n. If you don’t like me back, that’s one thing and i’ll have to come terms with that, but if you think that you’re not exactly the girl i want to hang out with, then i haven’t done enough to show you that you are worth my time and i’m really sorry about that because you’re who i want to spend my time with,” 

 i let a smile shy on my face, “zach, if i’m going to the junior prom with anyone, I’m glad that it’s you. I’d love to go with you,” 

He looked at me with a smile, “oh thank god! or erm— thank you. if you don’t want to go to the prom, then that’s cool too. we could go see a movie or get dinner,” 

 “no, if you want to go to the prom, then i’m happy to go with you. I’m ok with doing whatever if it means spending time with you.”

 “nah, you know what, it’s a waste of money anyways. maybe you can show me how to fix a damn car,”

 I giggled, “what a great first date idea,” Zach blushed and leaned in to hug me. My heart rate fastened feeling his warm body against mine as he wrapped his body around mine.

 “well, who says we have to wait for prom?” I give him a sly smile, “you free now?” 

“you’re not busy?” He questions. 

“i could study for my test, but I’d much rather spend time with you,”

 “Wow, day one and i’m already distracting you from your work?” Zach chuckles, “what if i help you study? I’m not sure what help i could be, you’re pretty clearly the smarter one in this relationship, but i’m willing to sit here and talk,” 

 “you’re the best,” i take his hand and pull him into the house, taking him towards my table.

[steamishot]

reversed

welp, it seems that everything i complained in my last blog has changed, at least a bit haha. relationship wise: we are both growing from our mistakes. it feels unnatural at times and my mindset has matured. i understand matt’s viewpoints and am taking them into consideration more. he’s been frustrated that our priorities/work life are so drastically different. because i’ve been so isolated during the pandemic, i didn’t know what other people’s “normals” were. june and july are the busiest months of the year, but the rest of the year can be insanely chill for me. honestly, i can get by with working just a few hours a day during the slow seasons. as i’m starting to meet more people/friends here and at home, i realize my life isn’t “normal”. D and C mention they only get 6-7 hours of sleep a night due to their busy schedule. whereas i’ve been consistently getting 8+ hours of sleep almost every night this past year. sometimes when i have friends over, they make comments about how easy and flexible my job is. i’ll be on the clock but able to entertain or hang out, or even slip out of work for a few hours. although i enjoy it, it also makes me feel embarrassed. my friends in NYC are also more career ambitious, so i feel like an imposter or the odd one out as they learn more about me. i’m playing catch up. 

i am applying for a BS in accounting at WGU with a start date of either 10/1 or 9/1 (if my transcripts are received in time). i may have accepted failure for my UX/UI endeavors. the field requires a lot of self learning, collaboration, discipline and being a self-starter. like a lot of things in tech, it doesn’t necessarily follow a traditional route. my laziness is to blame too, and i also wasn’t as interested in it as i thought i was. from my understanding, accounting is more straightforward as it’s truly an established field; there are degrees and exams you can take to indicate your mastery. i also have more friends in accounting so there’s a sense of community if i need assistance. accounting is everywhere and can be done as remote work. ideally, i’d like to complete the accounting degree in less than a year, and maybe 6 months (though i may be underestimating the difficulty of the courses). from the general introduction courses i’ve taken so far, i’ve enjoyed it. i missed school and using my brain. i’ve also oddly missed test taking. there were zero tests in our UX/UI bootcamp which would have been helpful. i’m excited to be back in school so that my brain isn’t rotting away.

our clinic admins were expected to return to the office aug 2. UCLA sent out a very last minute email on july 31 (a saturday) saying that they will extend the return date to sept 7 due to the delta variant. i have a feeling that because clinic admins return to work date has been extended, ours will also be extended further. 

in our last staff meeting, my director confirmed that work from out of state has been approved. however, there are no details about anything. he stressed that he’s flexible and intent on being sensitive to all our situations (daycare, being a new grandmother, general COVID concerns, working from out of state). i finally opened up communication with him directly about this (and constantly had to lie about my moving plans lol). but overall, i feel better that i put it out in the open and there’s a dialogue going.

working out: after over a year of consistent workout, S and i have graduated from our home workouts to the gym! i’m now more comfortable with going to the gym upstairs. i used to be really shy about using machines in front of people, but now i just do it anyway. i am creating a routine for myself and plan on going to the gym 5-6x/week.

to conclude, i’m back to not feeling stressed out. however, i realize that being a little stressed out pushed me to do a lot more. so the goal is to be a little stressed to stay productive, but not overly stressed. :) 

[hummingbirdsalt]

star wars creator meme

tagged by the always wonderful @coffeeandtin !  thanks so much :D

You’ve been tagged in the Star Wars Creator meme! Pick 1 - 10 works you’ve created (fic, art, gifsets, aesthetics, videos, playlists, etc) & tell us why you’re proud of them! Then tag your friends! 

This will mostly be artwork, haha

Nik Walker as Aaron Burr - Recently I got to see Hamilton, and Nik Walker really impressed me, so I did some artwork.  Not only am I happy with how it turned out (especially since I don’t do lineless paintings very often), but HOLY CRAP when I posted it on twitter and tagged Nik Walker, he was so sweet about it.  He said “HOLY HELL THAT’S AWESOME”, retweeted it, then asked me if I had an instagram so he could give me a shout-out on there.  I sent him a PM that said, “Thank you so much! You made my week.” He replied, “You made MINE!”  Anyway, I just about died.  :P

Faraday and Vasquez - My second Mag7 drawing!  I’m happy with all my artwork for Mag7, but this one just stands out to me.  Drawing more than one person is always intimidating for me, particularly when I’m doing a detailed drawing, so this was an accomplishment.    

Moana - The second (shared) piece that I drew with a tablet.  Before that, I literally did all my digital art with a mouse pad, and my hands probably wanted to murder me.  It was so much fun learning to draw with different tools, and I really love how this one turned out.   

Star-Lord  - An earlier example of my work with digital painting.  It’s more detailed than a lot of the stuff I did back then, and even knowing I could do better now, I still look back on it with pride.  

Claire and the T-Rex - Sneaking an 11th one in here by giving two links, because I did fanart of two different shots from the same scene in Jurassic World.  Proud of both because of the amount of time and effort I put in.  The first one has more vibrant, contrasting colors than I ever attempted back then, and they both have a more extreme approach to shadow and light than a lot of my work normally does. 

Witch - A rare example of original art, haha.  I love how it turned out, and though I generally prefer making fanart, it’s a nice feeling to do original stuff from time to time.  

Disney!Style Peter Quill - Haha, I basically just mashed up Peter and Prince Eric, ending up with a couple of stylized drawings that I’m really happy with.  Like, I think I did pretty well getting that Disney vibe, as well as showing Peter’s personality.   

Time Traveler AU - Just went ahead and linked to the whole tag on my blog, since I’ve only posted a few things for it.  This is an AU I will probably never write, but feel free to read my long, rambly post about it, haha.  Honestly, I’m more proud of the artwork and moodboard thing I made for it, since those are a bit more put together.    

Borrower AU - Again, linking to the tag.  It’s hard for me to choose anything in particular, but I’m proud of myself for not remaining shy about this random idea.  One day I just decided I would jump into it and not worry about anyone finding it weird, haha.  And now I’m tweaking some of the fics and posting them on AO3, so that’s been fun.  ^_^ 

One Heart Beats, One Heart Breaks - The other day I realized I haven’t updated this story in half a year, so... there’s that.  :P  But I’m still really proud of it!  It’s the first thing I posted to AO3, and I’m determined to finish it.  With the first chapter, I was surprised at how happy I was with it, and that’s part of why it’s taking so long to write the second chapter.  No matter how slowly, it’s gonna happen!

@oddly-drawn-thoughtss @yersifanel @cambetaut @zexeos-gx @consultingzoologist