#amazing how i still can access 12 year old feelings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

notpresidentsuzuki · 2 years ago

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‧͙⁺˚･༓☾Hello, Tumblr!☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

︶꒦��♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦

All formatting and symbols here were put in by my friend, who wants to stay anonymous. Big thanks to them for helping me make this look nice!

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My friend told me that my old intro was pretty boring and lackluster, so here is a new, improved version, formatted entirely by her!

☆｡.:About Me!.｡:☆༉‧₊˚.༉‧₊˚.

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥Name: You can call me Suzuki, Suzu, I don't really mind anything! Call me what you wish! (Just not anything mean, of course!)

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥Pronouns: She/Her!

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥Timezone: JCT!

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥Age: 15!

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥Favorite Animal: Cats are absolutely amazing, but I love those round fat ducks that just waddle around! They're so cute!

˚₊·͟͟͞͞➳❥General Info: I'm a student in the Gifu prefecture of Japan, and I want to meet new kinds of people! I'm the student president of my school, hence my username. I just thought it was pretty funny. (That probably ruined it) I'm still pretty nervous about this whole social media thing, so if anyone has any advice, feel free to send it to me! I accept messages from everyone!

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦

ೃ⁀➷•.¸♡Hobbies&Interests!♡¸.•

・❥・I love to play the piano and violin! I've been playing the piano for over 11-12 years now, and I'd say I'm quite good at it! I plan on posting plenty of piano covers and songs here! I've preformed in Italy, San Francisco, Louisiana, Chicago, Ogaki, and Tokyo! I hope to become a professional pianist as a side job when I grow up! I've only been playing the violin for a year or so, just as a school requirement, but I like it! Don't expect any fancy covers from me though~

・❥・I absolutely love writing! My first social media ever was Discord, (Tumblr is actually my second and latest social media), and I had joined Discord to work on my english writing and poetry! I can't speak english that much, but I study writing in the language almost daily! I started a poetry/literature club at my school, and I'm looking to expand my horizons further! I'll post stories and poems here, and I hope I can see my progress through this blog!

・❥・Cats. Enough said. /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

・❥・Jojo's Bizarre Adventure! It's one of the few comics I've read, but I absolutely adore it! (I need to skip the gory and inappropriate parts though.) I highly recommend it! The writing is amazing, and every character is memorable! I haven't watched most of the cartoon, but I'd bet it's just as good!

・❥・SCP! SCP is a massive collaborative horror fiction writing project, and I really enjoy it! You can access it at https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com, (if the link is incorrect or still a placeholder, my friend forgot to put it in for me), and it's stories are some of the best I've seen! I haven't personally wrote an article for the site yet, but I'm thinking of writing one for the japanese branch! Be sure to check it out!

・❥・Studying! I love studying and learning new things! If anyone needs any help with homework or anything academic in general, feel free to ask me! I'll be ecstatic to help! I'm aiming to become a doctor or either a virologist or a biologist when I become an adult, since my mother is a biologist and my father is a doctor!

・❥・Cooking! I love to cook, so I'd love to share recipes and receive/give advice with anybody! I also love to bake!

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-.｡ﾟ+..｡Why I Joined Tumblr!+..｡*ﾟ+

╰┈➤The main reason I joined Tumblr was to meet new people, share helpful messages, and to admire the absolutely gorgeous artistic value this platform has! (Seriously, I am blown away by how talented everyone on this website is!)

╰┈➤I also want to share my work with others, since Discord gets pretty monotonous after a while. (No offense to anyone on there, I love you guys!)

╰┈➤If you share any of my interests, feel free to message me! I'd love to make new friends online! Even if you don't share any of my interests, don't be put off! I'd love to become friends regardless! Don't be shy to ask me anything, or to critique me on anything! I love feedback!

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↳❝[What Will You Be Posting?]❞

:̗̀➛Daily writing and poetry tips from me!

:̗̀➛Piano covers, and maybe violin covers!

:̗̀➛Art, if I ever work up the confidence to post it!

:̗̀➛Recipes!

:̗̀➛SCP-related stories and poems!

:̗̀➛Random short stories not involving any fandom!

:̗̀➛Random rambles and thoughts about stuff. If this gets annoying, I'll stop with these!

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•.¸♡Closing!♡¸.•

·˚༘₊·͟͟͞͞꒰➳Thank you very much for reading to the end of this! I understand it was very long, so I totally don't blame you if you just skipped to the end! Anyways, in conclusion, I'd love to meet new and interesting friends here! Thank you very much to everyone who has followed me already, and as always, please have a nice day!

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇Additional Notes⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

ღ My internet access is heavily monitored, so I won't be able to use many other websites or search up anything. I hope this isn't an issue to conversations!

ღ I will never express political views or opinions here publicly, if you'd like to discuss that stuff, please take it to messages. Let's just leave that hard thinking to the politicians!

ღ Again, credit for the entire layout and design of this introduction goes to my very wonderful and amazing friend (I know you see this!)

ღ If you want to add me on discord, ask me in messages! I'll be happy to get to know you on there instead!

ღ Feel free to use my music or work as you please! Just don’t use it for inappropriate or rude purposes and it is fine by me! I will never me mad if you don’t credit me, I’d just prefer it if you did!

ღ Profile picture credit goes to... ME!!

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╭──╯…..The End!ೄྀ࿐ˊˎ-

#blog intro #intro post #pinned intro #introduction #introductory post

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shiroganeryo · 2 years ago

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Now and then, I have this habit of taking some time to reminisce about things. I’m one of those people who tend to stick to old favorites, staying passionate about said things even if I don’t actively engage with the fandom anymore; they’ll always have a place in my heart and I think of these things I love on a regular basis.

One of these things is the VocaUTAU fandom, which I interacted with a lot back in the day as Ritsu Namine’s RPer here on Tumblr.

Ritsu still is my favorite virtual singer of all - I still listen to many of the songs and covers - it’s amazing to see how far the character and his voice provider have come; and it’s tons of fun to remember all the moments I had interpreting him and doing my own PV projects (despite being terrible at tuning USTs!), fanarts and even going as far as to do cosplay.

These are definitely happy memories that I cherish. And when I’m going through hard times, I tend to think about such things.

This was my first post in Ritsu’s blog; 12 years ago! It’s truly amusing to revisit all the posts and even cringe at myself a little thanks to my own immaturity (and slightly incorrect English) in both IC and OOC. Many of those posts were rather chaotic...

Though I still quite like how I interpreted him back in the day, ahaha.

I still feel like Ritsu is part of me, the petty, child-like and somewhat stubborn part of me. He also was my very first experience with an openly queer character and I feel like that helped broaden my horizons and understand things better as well; though I already was pretty aware I was sapphic, the concept of gender was a somewhat late reveal!

Looking back now, it makes a lot of sense why it felt so comfortable to interpret him.

I lost the access to Ritsu’s account as the email it used was deleted by Outlook due to inactivity, and Tumblr had the amazing idea of not giving people an alternative to log back into their accounts after the data leak that forced users to change their password - something that required the email originally linked to the blog in question.

The old URL I had before changing to ritsu73, namineritsu, is linked in the old RP HQ blog. See that Namine Ritsu? It was me! I don’t know who’s the current owner of that URL, though.

As for the current URL, ritsu73... I’ve been holding it as a sideblog of mine, since Tumblr adds a “-blog” to the URL of blogs that’ve gone inactive - as you can see on my posts linked in this small text. I probably won’t do anything with it, but I can’t seem to let it go due to my attachment to the blog and the memories I have thanks to it.

If you have read until now, thank you so much for your attention! I don’t know if you have come across Ritsu’s blog in the past when it was active 12 years ago, or if you happened to find some post while searching or if you hadn’t even heard of it until now...

...but still, it’s really nice of you to stay and read through my long, reminiscing babbling. I appreciate it, truly.

#just reminiscing on things #Namine Ritsu #Ritsu Namine

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pouryourselfacupoffuckrightoff · 1 year ago

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These are fights we are currently in, not something to celebrate having achieved already. You won’t attract workers to your side by claiming you’ve achieved things you haven’t, or haven’t gotten for huge swaths of the working class. I am deeply pro-union, and these memes make me want to tear my hair out.

1. I have worked weekends my whole career. Two days off in a row is something I have had to negotiate for, it has never been standard.

2. I have taken a single paid vacation of one week, also something I had to individually negotiate for and I was retaliated against for taking it when I returned.

3. and 4. I’ve never had paid sick leave. Usually a doctors note has been required to miss a single shift.

5. I’ve seen undocumented kids who were obviously 15 or 16 lie about their age to work. Preventing those kids from working wasn’t going to help them, and I could not take them in myself.

6. I have my doubts that social security will still exist in 25 years when I qualify. I also have some doubts I’ll live that long, so this hasn’t been a great help so far. Fingers crossed in this one. I like social security as a concept.

7. Minimum wage has not changed where I am since I began working. This does not feel like it is offering much protection at the moment.

8. I’ve never had an eight hour day standard (12 to 16 on salary, 4-6 hourly generally)

9. Overtime is a joke. You get scheduled for 39 hours tops or you are salary or you don’t have a job.

10. OSHA is great. They just don’t tend to instigate independent restaurants unless they kill someone, and not even then usually.

11. Over 20 years working full time in America and I have had access employer provided healthcare for 2.5 of them, and it took 1/3 of my monthly check.

12. & 13. I’ve never had vision or dental offered to me.

14. I would love to help restaurant workers access unions outside of chain store environments. This is a hard type of work environment to organize but I think the winds of change are blowing.

15. Breaks aren’t really a thing in the kitchen. You duck out for a smoke or a shit when you have your station set. A good place to work might have a break for family meal but it’s not standard.

16. If my employer is not really stupid, they can fire me for no reason at all, and I have no recourse under wrongful termination laws unless I can prove why they fired me. At-will employment means wrongful termination laws toothless in most cases.

17. Age discrimation laws protect old people but fail to protect the rest of us. It should be illegal to discriminate based on age, full stop, not just because of advanced age.

18. Raises. How exactly have unions helped with raises? The concept of a union might scare employers into paying more? This feels like collective bargaining covers this. Everybody likes a raise!

19. Sexual Harassment Laws. These are good to have. We need to have stronger protections and real consequences, and a way to make it less onerous for victims to pursue justice.

20. ADA is amazing. All credit to the disabled rights activists who crawled up the steps of the Capitol and shamed Congress into acting. This is one of the best things the US has ever done politically.

21. Holiday pay. I have been paid on holidays, so I suppose that counts? Lots of christmases and new years and thanksgivings working. Some bosses were cool and did time and half, some didn’t. It isn’t a right that’s been secured. It’s still something you have to fight for.

22. I don’t want anything to do with this one. Hasn’t touched on my life.

23. Equal Pay Act. I like this law. Good in theory. Difficult to enforce. Legislating pay transparency for everyone will help this become more of a reality. Because I have personally been paid less than my male counterparts more than once. It’s sucks to find out every time.

24. Civil Rights Laws. These are great, let’s enforce them better and strengthen the protections they give.

25. Workers Comp. Until they change drug laws and the health care system in this country, this will always be a joke. If you are injured on the job, the first thing they do at the hospital is drug test you. Pop positive and there goes your healthcare under worker’s comp. A friend spent years suing her former employer’s insurance company who denied her worker’s comp claim because of a positive drug test for prescribed medication.

This fight is not won. None of these bullet points are a victory lap. This is just my personal experience, but I know I’m not alone here.

#labor day #labor movement #labor organizing

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enby-mama · 1 year ago

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14w5d update

Ok so here goes a big catch up update, lots has happened since my last update!

We got that dating ultrasound and everything looks good, our due date is a bit off from what we thought (not surprising since ovulation after a miscarriage is rarely on schedule) but I'm now estimated to be 14 weeks 5 days as of today, with a due date of December 6th!

We told our parents at about the 8 week mark after we got our results back from the first ultrasound and saw that healthy heartbeat!

Below is that first ultrasound (6w5d)!

Had been referred to a specialist OB before we found out we were pregnant due to repeated miscarriages, and ended up with one of the in-house OBs, but after some issues with paperwork and then him giving me medication that expired 3 YEARS earlier... I've requested to be referred to a different clinic who can hopefully help me better. I find out tommorow if they accept my referral since they don't usually accept transfers. We will see how it goes.

Our 12 week scan went well, though the dr has apparently lost half the bloodwork results so that may need to be redone at the new clinic.

Below is the 12 week scan!

I've had a lot of issues with morning sickness and lack of appetite, and have been put on a medication that's made specifically for pregnant folks to help with both and so far it's amazing. Night and day difference. I actually had lost 5lbs between my 12 week weigh in and my 14 week weigh in which was a bit worrying, and it's only been a few days on the new medication but it's been so helpful tbh. I've been able to be less restrictive about eating and have been able to eat more often, and now that I'm in my second trimester, baby is hungry! I've been encouraged to start tracking calories to make sure I'm getting enough, but I had a eating disorder back in highschool and while I'm past the vast majority of all that, counting calories and micromanaging my food intake like that can be a bit of a trigger still, so we're planning on having that tracking happen on my spouse's phone so I don't have access to it (my idea, in case anyone gets spicy about it)

I've also started to notice more memory issues and hormonal moodiness, esp since entering the second trimester my baseline of patience is significantly reduced and I get spicy easier, but also if I get too tired I get weepy really easily too. Such is pregnancy I guess.

Also today the app I've been using to track everything told me my baby is the size of a mouse! And then I find a baby mouse in my kitchen! No adults around, not scared of the dogs, and not old enough to be out on its own. Big enough to be furred and it's eyes were open but still a baby. So I caught it and did some research and found it's an endemic species and one they're trying to help stabilize the population of due to habitat loss due to invasive European mice! So after almost an hour of trying to track down someone who could take the poor thing we drove over an hour to get to the rehabbers house. She was thrilled to see him and said he looked healthy, but definitely too small to be on his own and likely had only just opened his eyes a day or two ago. While I do love animals, idk that I would have driven over an hour each way on my anniversary to save a mouse had it not been for pregnancy hormones, but my spouse and I made an outing of it and then went for poutine afterwards, which was a good celebration of our anniversary tbh. I got my poutine with pickles and I know that sounds like a very pregnant person thing to do but good lord was it good!

And then this evening when I was getting out of the shower I felt my baby kick for the first time!!! It's so exciting and hard to describe it, and I'm just... So excited to meet this little one!

Hopefully I'll remember to update this more often, if anyone's actually reading these feel free to give me a poke every now and then if it's been a few weeks and I've forgotten to update!

#pregnancy #second trimester #15 weeks #baby #pregnancy blog #update #ultrasound #anorexia mention #wildlife mention

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rosycontextualstudies · 2 years ago

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Tik tok beauty trends – the negative impact on body image

Fig 1 : With the progress of technology, social media apps have quickly invaded every aspect of our daily lives. In these five pictures I will be focused on TikTok specifically and the harmful impacts it’s trends have on young audiences. The siren eyes vs doe eyes trend is the first I want to address. This trend blew up on the internet as people obsessed over whether they had either siren or doe eyes and debated on which one was preferable. I personally feel that Tiktok is an app in which many of the popular trends are heavily based on looks, and this trend is only one example of many that encourage viewers (young and impressionable audiences) to obsess over their appearances in a very unhealthy way. In fact, ‘Adolescents with negative body images are more likely to be depressed, anxious and suicidal than those without intense dissatisfaction over their appearance, even when compared to adolescents with other psychiatric illnesses’ (Mahoney, B, n.d.). It is very concerning therefore, that this type of content is so heavily promoted to young adults on social platforms. Although this trend glamorizes a certain type of look rather than labeling something as undesirable, it still is very much promoting a specific standard of beauty.

Fig 2: Moving onto the next trend, #sideprofilecheck. This trend started off with a filter called ‘Freeze frame pop up’ which froze the image in place at any point on the video when u tapped the screen. Many users were using this to show off the way their side profile looked, specifically, the shape of their noses. This then escalated as girls began to push their noses up in an attempt to make them look like the noses in the viral videos. Although this may be shocking to people who have never used tiktok, it is extremely easy to fall under the influence of the app. John Koetsier calls tiktok ‘digital crack cocaine for your brain’ (McClintock, M, 2022). It is no wonder therefore that repeated viewing of these types of videos can quickly cause insecurity or even body dysmorphia in the minds of young viewers. What was particularly harmful about this trend was how people were seen to be actively altering their appearance to try and look like somebody else. Again, the obsession with things out of everyone’s control (their appearance) can be harmful to developing minds.

Fig 3: ‘Research has shown that when young females in their teens and early twenties view Facebook for only a short period of time, body image concerns are higher compared to non-users’ (Glazzard, J & Mitchell, C, 2018). Tiktok is not the first app to promote unrealistic beauty standards, but its content being so digestible and accessible has an especially big impact when it comes to younger audiences. According to Social Shepherd, 25% of the users on tiktok are between the ages of 10-19, which is the largest group out of all tiktok’s users (Shepherd, J，2023). This information is more worrying when addressing the next trend on my list – the bold glamour filter. This filter gives the user a full face of heavy makeup and completely alters their appearance, and it caused a lot of controversy as people felt badly about themselves once the filter was removed. What made things worse was the way that influencers with full faces of make up were using this filter and showing their viewers how they didn’t look very different, with or without it. When I think about how there are 12 year olds on the app who have access to not only this filter, but also this content from other users, it amazes me that there are not a few more restrictions where it is concerned.

Fig 4: The symmetry filter went viral as people began to obsess over the two halves of their faces. The filter shows the left half of your face as the whole face, and then the right, which caused many people to be upset by the difference in the two. Like the previous trends, things can escalate very fast on the app and go from bad to worse, specifically when it came to this trend. Tiktok has a duet feature where you can place your video next to someone else’s, and people with faces shown to be symmetrical would show their ‘successful’ results next to those of people upset by their lack of symmetry (Maclean, M, 2021). This video specifically asked the comment section to list their plastic surgeon’s names below after she saw that her face was not symmetrical. I feel as though the ideology of many users on tiktok is way too narrow minded and places heavy importance on appearance, which influences others to think in a similar way.

Fig 5: The inverted filter caused possibly the most extreme reaction I’ve seen on this app. A video went viral as a young girl sobs and begs tiktok to remove the new filter, which shows how your face looks inverted. Many users were deeply upset by this filter, and they even went as far as to call people who used it ‘brave’. So why are people on tiktok so obsessed with their appearances that a filter could cause such a reaction? Apart from the many influencers on the app promoting certain standards, I believe that the comment sections are very much to blame. The environment on tiktok can be extremely toxic, an example being that many male users will comment on videos of girls rating their looks or calling them ‘mid’. According to the Royal society for public health (RSPH): ‘Childhood bullying can have long-lasting and permanent effects. It can lead to diminished confidence and poor self-esteem, and these can have a detrimental effect on academic performance’ (Glazzard, J & Mitchell, C, 2018). Young and impressionable audiences, especially young girls on the app are most vulnerable to this form of cyber-bullying which can have lasting effects on their image of themselves. I think its very important that parents are informed of the trends and the harsh environment on this app before allowing their children to be exposed to it, especially those who are under 15-16 years of age.

Bibliography:

Mahoeny, B. (n.d.) The Obsession With Beauty nd How it is Linked o Depression in Teens. Available at :https://centerfordiscovery.com/blog/obsession-beauty-linked-depression-teens/

McClintock, M. (2022) The Psychology of Tiktok. Available at:https://onezero.medium.com/the-psychology-of-tiktok-f10bc1506f1a

Glazzard, J & Mitchell, C. (2018) The impact of technology on children’s well-being. Social media and mental health in schools. Essex, critical publishing, p 29.

Glazzard, J & Mitchell, C. (2018) Cyberbullying. Social media and mental health in schools. Essex, critical publishing, p 47.

Tolentino, D. (2023). TikTok users say 'bold glamour' filter is 'terrifyingly realistic'. Available at:https://www.nbcnews.com/news/bold-glamour-tiktok-filter-explained-rcna72485

Maclean, M. (2021). Tiktok beauty trends are more toxic than we think. Available at: https://dailytargum.com/article/2021/02/tiktok-beauty-trends-are-more-toxic-than-we-think

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kookies2000 · 1 year ago

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I feel like genre is its own separate thing. Like horror can belong on any part of the spectrum. Coraline is considered horror, and it's a film accessible to children. Scooby-Doo is considered horror and can cater to pre schoolers and children. Baiscally, you just need to pick a part of the spectrum and then pick a genre you like.

And yeah, Trolls is complex and takes their audience seriously, but at the same time, they need to make sure it's still enjoyable for 6 and under. Which is extremely hard. Most media adults like aren't usually preschool level. But Trolls still found a way to do it. They bring in music that appeals to adults, jokes that appeal to adults, and a story that adults can enjoy. I find it amazing how Trolls 2 introduced the Hurricane song to 6 and under. A classic rock song about sex. 🤣 And introducing NSYNC to kids, too. And "Sweet Dreams" another 80s classic. They're introducing stuff that adults love to kids in a way they'll love it too. Gen alphas are gonna grow up loving good music and not 100% hooked on Coco melon. The whole franchise is one big experiment, maybe that explains why it isn't 100% perfect. Can you name other media aimed at 6 and under that adults can enjoy by themselves? I jam out to the Trolls soundtrack almost every day! And every time my little sisters put on the film, I tell them to turn up the volume because I want to jam out while doing my chores. 🤣 Don't get me wrong, I love Paw Patrol and Dora, but I wouldn't watch it by myself or jam to their music.

As for the rating in your country, about how the first 2 Troll films didn't have an age restriction but Trolls 3 does. They did say that they made Trolls 3 a but more mature than the first 2 because all the 6 year olds and under who saw the first film are 6 and 12 now. Which explains why the rescue scene is so amazing. The 1st two films solved everything in a gentle and calm matter. Sing a song, and everything is ok. This one? Stakes were really high, and they had to put up a massive fight. A song didn't change the villains heart in this one. Instead, a song was the solution to defeating them for good. I can't wait for the soundtrack! I want to blast "Sweet Dreams" and pretend I'm on a musical Fast and the Furious rescue mission.

But other than that, I don't have anything else to add. And hey, I love learning other people's perspectives and informationabout different places. Don't worry about going into detail. 💜

Trolls 3 spoilers

•

After all that chewing out Branch gave his brothers, ya gotta love that Clay’s MAIN take away was “… Wait, grandma got EATEN???”

and that’s it. That’s how they mention Rosiepuff. The fuck.

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infernal-fire · 4 years ago

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suburban dream

summary: how do you wake up from a nightmare? is it a nightmare if you’ve been asleep the whole time?

major warnings: noncon/dubcon smut, stalking, mention of pregnancy, some cum play (check the prompts for indications of other warnings)

a/n: this is for @iraot’s 1.1k writing challenge. BIG congrats on 1.1k (i cannot explain how glad i am that others get to read your amazing work) and another BIG thank you for hosting this challenge.

Here are the results of my wheel spins:

Kink wheel: daddy kink, somnophilia, breeding kink Character wheel: Jake Jensen Situation wheel: Neighbours AU

You let out a breath of relief as you dropped the last brown box into the corner of the room. How you managed to own this much stuff, you’d never know. Glanced around the living room, it was difficult to decide where to begin. After much contemplation, you huffed and picked up the pizza catalogue, deciding to call it a day.

It was unbearable to leave the house in the mess that it was. On the other hand, your right hip wailed in agony every time you bent down. Lacking the much-needed support of friends or family, you had no option but to suck it up and unpack… but that can wait till tomorrow.

Fishing out just the necessities for the night, you climbed up the stairs and headed into the master bedroom. Massive house for one person, you noted. You did insist that an apartment would suffice but Tony was a stickler for rules.

All Stark employees have to be residents of a Stark-Jensen neighbourhood.

Before getting the job, you weren’t even aware that “Stark-Jensen” neighbourhoods were a thing; it was a term coined by the tech company itself, referring to neighbourhoods that are protected by Stark-Jensen technology. The crime rate in these neighbourhoods are always startlingly low, the odd criminal or two being from inside the community itself. All things considered, how could you say no to free housing?

Sure, the security measures assured that you never had to worry, but it also made you wonder why they were there in the first place. This place was as secure as the Stark Tower; why? You tried not to ask too many questions, afraid of getting on Tony’s bad side. Besides, it isn’t characteristic of him to give you a straight answer anyway.

Life is good, your most harrowing concern at the moment being that your new place had no curtains. It had been a long time since things were calm and you were just recognizing that your days had been free of storms for some time now. Counting your blessings for the second time that night, you stepped into the shower and reminded yourself of all the things to be grateful for.

To say you were in a good mood was an understatement. You finished your night routine right as the pizza was delivered and excitedly skipped down. No one told you how fun living alone was but they didn’t need to - you quickly found that independence is a glorious necessity in everyone’s life.

Jake stood bewildered at your person throwing the door open. He gripped the pizza box tight to ensure he didn’t drop it and continued to look at you like you had grown a third head. He never was very good with his words, but your beauty truly inhibited his ability to think.

“Hi?” you asked.

“Hey, I-I’m your neighbour, Jake. Saw that you were moving in and I came to ask if you need any help.”

“Oh,” you contemplated, looking past him. “Where’s the pizza person?”

“I paid for it. Housewarming gift?” he said like a question and handed it over.

You received the warm box and waited for him to say something as he fiddled with his hands. His smile looks so familiar but you couldn’t place your finger on it.

“So…Do you need help?” He looked up right at the end. You grinned at how shy he was.

“I would really appreciate the help tomorrow,” you replied casually.

“Oh, so… I’ll come by tomorrow morning?” He looked hopeful, as if you were the one handing him the olive branch. You took a once-over of his build, sure that he would come handy when your hip gives up again and nodded in response.

He nodded back slowly and turned around to leave, but seeing him at your doorstep felt eerily similar to a puppy left out in the rain.

“I don’t think I can finish this pizza alone,” you called out. He turned around, a glint of happiness apparent in the shine of his eyes.

“Do you have time to help me with this right now?” It was your turn to look hopeful and you really hoped this cutie took the bait.

He did.

You couldn’t ignore the nagging at the back of your head that you had seen him somewhere. You also couldn’t dismiss the fact that dinner together was just a little awkward. The conversation started off with small talk, and it didn’t take a genius to tell that neither of you enjoyed it. Luckily, it shifted to talks about the neighbourhood and your old job. After that, the words flowed easily, the two of you bonding like you had known each other forever. Although it was smooth sailing, you couldn’t help but wonder how he knows so much about the neighbourhood security measures. When he mentioned that he had lived there for about 6 years, you chalked it up to a simple accumulation of knowledge he must’ve acquired from being around for so long.

“So everyone who lives around here works for Stark-Jensen, right?” you questioned, trailing your finger on the rim of your second wine glass for the night.

“Yeah, for the most part. Though it’s hard to tell who works for who.”

You chuckled in agreement.

“What is it with that? I mean, I work for Stark, and my colleagues, too… but exclusively for Stark. Jensen does exist right?”

“Yeah,” he snickered, “He does. Stark makes the tech and Jensen does the coding.”

“So they’re a two-man team, but Tony’s the face of the company? Seems sort of unfair,” you muttered, quirking your brow a little.

Jake smiled at your comment, glanced at his hands and looked back up at you.

“Maybe he wants it to be that way.” He nudged his glasses up and took a little sip of his wine while peering at you.

You cocked your head to the side and considered the information. Your head was hazy and you needed to stop drinking; alcohol and cute guys are not a good mix.

“Wait.” You squinted at him.

“Does that mean you’re a Stark-Jensen employee?”

He let out a chortle and took your glass from you.

“Hey, hey I want that back!” you whined, not even caring that you’re embarrassing yourself.

“I think that’s enough for today.” He gently helped you up, waiting for you to move.

“I can usually handle my liquor,” you promised, clinging onto his broad form for support.

He started moving you up to your lone mattress in the corner of your room, softly laying you down.

“Jake,” you caught his arm. “You didn’t answer the question. Do you work for Stark-Jensen?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

You pouted at his answer, still gripping his wrist like you owned him. He tenderly pried your fingers off him and placed them on your belly.

“See you tomorrow,” he mumbled as he left your room. You drifted asleep easily, blissfully unaware of how you’d never be able to live down the humiliation of your drunken stupor.

The next day, you hoped Jake wouldn’t show up. It would save you from the burning heat that crept up your neck every time you recalled the night before.

Unfortunately, Jake had found it way too amusing an opportunity to tease you, showing up at your doorstep at 10 AM on the dot.

The day went on without a hitch, the conversation picking up easily from where you left off. Jake found it endearing when you groaned at the mention of your state, only after three glasses of wine. The question of his employment never crossed your mind again, both of you having way too much fun unpacking. You felt ten times better knowing that your neighbour was a loveable, single, hunky nerd; it made the stress of settling in that much better.

Of course, like all good things, the weekend came to an end. Monday morning, you eagerly prepped yourself for a new week at the office. Being Tony’s right hand took five rounds of interviews as well as background checks into every living relative you had. After the turbulent hiring process, you found that the job was not any easier. Luckily, the move had you feeling more thankful about being in sync with all the Stark tech; with FRIDAY managing your house and personal appointments, it was easier to keep track of Tony’s day.

You stepped out of the house and shielded your eyes from the beautiful day. Just then, your lovely new friend stepped onto his porch wearing casual attire.

“Have fun at work!” he called after you.

“Thanks! Are you going to work?”

“Yes, I am.” You took in his outfit one more time, chuckling as you wondered what job would pay enough to live here while dressed in sweats.

“Well, in case I don’t see ya’... Good afternoon, good evening and good night!” you exclaim loudly.

Jake giggled like a schoolboy and waved goodbye before ducking into his car.

Tony’s 10 AM meeting has been pushed to 11 AM, Miss L/N.

“No, no, that won’t do! He has another meeting at 12 PM, the timing will clash. FRIDAY, who was he supposed to meet at 10 AM?”

Speaking to the AI felt more like talking to yourself, but with time, you assured yourself that it would look as cool as Stark when handling your things.

He’s meeting Mr Jensen, the co-founder of Stark-Jensen. I believe you have not met him yet.

“Yeah, I haven’t. Could you call him for me, FRIDAY?”

Sorry Miss L/N, Mr Jensen’s phone is switched off. He has already notified Tony of the change in plans.

“What an asshole,” you grumbled.

On the contrary, I think you would like Mr Jensen, Miss L/N.

“You can just call me Y/N, FRIDAY. Oh, and, send out a notification to all of today’s meeting hosts and tell them to push it by one hour. If they complain, send them my number to take up any problems they have.”

It’ll be done by the time you reach your office.

“Thank you,” you smiled and pulled into your parking spot, right beside Tony’s.

It was hard to imagine what would’ve happened today if Tony didn’t give you access to FRIDAY. Calling each meeting host and personally asking them to push their meetings seemed like a tedious and mind-bending task. And frankly, you didn’t ever look forward to talking to Karen’s. But now, you would never have to know; FRIDAY was an absolute godsend.

You stepped onto the other side of security clearance just as the clock struck 9 AM. Strutting up to your office, you made a mental checklist of everything you need to do during the day. Usually, Tony didn’t require you to sit in for his meetings. He has a different set of assistants for note-taking purposes.

Too consumed by your thoughts, you didn’t notice the large picture of Jake and Tony sitting side by side on the wall beside the elevators. You also didn’t notice Jake’s smirk as he passed by you with ease. He would’ve stopped to say hi, but he knew that you didn’t realize who he was yet. Now he just had to figure out a way to get you to show up to his and Tony’s meeting and give you the heart attack of a lifetime.

Beep, beep.

The Stark-watch buzzed on your wrist, letting you know that Tony was calling for you. You had barely even stepped into the elevator and he was already whining like a baby.

You shook your head and stepped into the doorframe of his lab.

“Come here!” his voice called from the far end of a lab. Your suspicions of him being under the work table were confirmed when he wheeled out on his back and handed you a wrench.

“Do me a favour. Tighten this for me?”

He handed you the arm of an Iron Man suit, what you assumed was his latest mark. He already lived at the lab as it was, you wondered how he ever had time for Pepper.

“Come on, put your arm into it L/N! You know what, you’re distracted, give it here.”

“Did you call me here to tighten your screws?” You shifted your weight onto one leg and crossed your arms. It was sassy of you, but Tony’s assistant needs to have some backbone, famously said by Rhodey.

“Well, you know me, screws always loose.” He knocked on his head and chuckled at his own joke. You sighed and turned to walk out.

“I need you to sit in for my 11 o’clock. And cancel everything else today.”

You gasped and turned again, marching to where he was lying down.

“Tony Stark, you have no regard for anyone’s time! I already pushed everything back by one hour because of your buddy Jensen and now you’re asking me to cancel everything?”

“I know, and I agree. I wish I could go to the mind-numbing meetings with corporate clowns, but I want to show you and Jensen something cool.”

He stopped fiddling with his toy just long enough to glance at you.

You sighed and called for FRIDAY, groaning for the umpteenth time since that morning. Why were you acting like this was the first time he’s done this? It was probably your lack of energy from moving. You couldn’t wait to get home and maybe call Jake over for dinner. Now that you considered this possibility, time seemed to pass slower, but at least there was something worthwhile to look forward to.

When 10:55 rolled around, you were sitting in Tony’s lab, patiently waiting as Tony set up his latest invention for demonstration.

“Where’s your buddy?” you asked, checking your watch for the time again.

“On his way,” he replied without turning away from his work.

He paused and took a step back to admire his work before facing you.

“You haven’t met Jake, have you?”

“Jake?”

Right on cue, Jake walked through the doors of the labs and you whipped around to find your grinning friend.

“Howdy neighbour,” Jake sneered.

“Oh, right. You live beside each other,” Tony muttered as he gathered some more things from his desk.

You shamelessly inhaled the pinewood and vanilla-infused scent of Jake as he sat down beside you. To have him so close to you was a dangerous thing, your cunt unknowingly clenching every time he moved his biceps.

“Stop making heart-eyes at him.”

You threw whatever was in your hand at Tony’s head, and it happened to be a pen. It narrowly missed as he ducked and doubled over in laughter at your embarrassment. The bastard took sick pleasure in it so he often made it a point to humiliate you, but it usually wasn’t in front of the co-CEO of the world’s largest tech company.

The rest of your time in that lab went on without any heart attacks - as far as anyone knew, the slick between your thighs doesn’t account for a ‘heart attack’, per se. You shouldn’t even be thinking about Jake like that. He was technically your boss too.

Tony dismissed you at lunch and told you to take the rest of the day off, much to your delight. You slid into your car and dropped your head onto the steering wheel.

You had barely moved into the neighbourhood and you’re already finding ways to be fired.

~Time skip~

You sighed and laid back in the over-the-top maternity chair Jake got you for feeding. Your baby gurgled as curled his little fingers into his palm before knocking on your breast once. With a light chuckle, you cooed as the little bundle began falling asleep.

This was the only place in the house that had a sliver of sunlight gracing the inside of the house.

You could have outdoor privileges if you didn’t pull that little stunt.

Could you really blame yourself for trying to leave? How were you to know that it’s impossible to leave a Stark-Jensen neighbourhood?

Because it says “Stark-Jensen” in the name, you dumbass.

Fair enough.

You lost count of how many times you sigh on the daily, instead opting to count the number of times you’re able to hold off a mental breakdown. Today, you got the rare privilege of privacy, with Jake being gone to another one of Stark’s presentation.

You reminisced about the last time you sat in Tony’s lab and watched him explain his latest creation. Little did you know that the first time you sat with Jake in there would also be the last time you ever sat in there.

You gently placed the Jim in the cradle. Again, one of the many over-the-top investments made by Jake to ensure the baby got state-of-the-art care. The way Jensen had made you sit beside him as he put the contraption together almost had you lurching. But you didn’t want to wake the baby. The horridness of the memories cannot outweigh your will to keep Jimmy from crying.

“Look at it!”, Jake excitedly spun the box to show you. It must’ve cost an unreasonable amount of money - not that he couldn’t spare to spend the coin, but the purchase confirmed your worst suspicions; he was serious about this all.

Your eyes, puffy from the days of crying, were barely open. Yet you still nodded, figuring that if you put up with his enthusiasm now, he’ll let you go to sleep without raping you like he did every night.

Anyway, you were wrong.

When did everything go so wrong?; How?

You picked up your phone. Your eyes flickered between the only two contacts saved on it. Jake made sure you couldn’t do anything except call him or Tony.

You missed your ex-boss (who was always more of a friend to you). But, it was obvious that calling him wasn’t worth it and would rarely yield any fruitful conversation. Tony always spoke as if he were walking on glass around you and your words were always monitored and censored by Jake. It didn’t take long to figure that one out.

“I don’t know what happened, Tony, she’s just unhinged,” Jake explained over the phone. In the background, you struggled against the bonds that held you to his bedframe. You sobbed harder into your gag and tried to scream ‘help’. All that came out was a shriek.

“You hear her? She’s completely unfit to come into work… What happened? I don’t know man… She’s breaking down under all the stress. A few days of rest might do the trick. No, no, you don’t have to come down. I’ll take care of it.”

He ended the call and you went limp, pausing your hysteria. He smiled at you as if he hadn’t kidnapped you. As if he hadn’t just made Tony believe that you were off your rockers. As if he hadn’t just fucked you five times over the span of 48 hours.

He had planned every step of your entrapment to the letter and it was all going according to his plan.

You put your phone facedown on the dining table and walked back upstairs to your room. His room. Your room, too.

Never, you internally screamed.

Well, it’s too late to debate it.

You stood at the foot of your bed and traced the footboard. He took you countless amount of times on this bed and every instance held some clue that he was working up to what was happening now. You could see that now - but what was the point now?

You giggled as Jake pushed you onto his bed. Who knew this golden retriever could be so rough?

“Shhshshshhh” you slurred and Jake laughed in response.

“Tony’s not here, baby,” he replied, climbing on top of you.

“We’re not gonna get fired?”

“He can’t fire me, sweetheart.”

“Oh… yeah.” You frowned, remembering that your risqué relationship was only risky for you.

In your drunken haze, you didn’t realize Jake was rubbing his bulbous tip against your folds, gathering slick.

“Condom?”

“Don’t have,” Jake lied.

“Oh,” you hesitated.

“It’ll feel so good, baby.” He nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck and sunk in before you had the chance to protest.

“Jakeeee,” you whined. Writhing under his grasp, you shook your head side-to-side as he vigorously fucked into you.

He abruptly stopped and pulled out. “What have I said about saying my name?”

“I’m sorry, daddy,” you sheepishly say.

“That’s right, slut. You’re gonna make me a daddy, right?” He pushed back in.

“Yeah, you are. Gonna make me a daddy, so call me daddy.”

The implication of his words flew right over your head in your drunken haze and blank mind. Any ounce of sense that you had left was being fucked out by his thick length.

“Gonna blow my load. Fill you tight cunt, not gonna last long.”

His words were broken with loud moans. He couldn’t think straight with your warm, wet pussy inviting him in over and over.

As you shook from an overwhelming orgasm, your pussy involuntarily clenched, causing Jake to lose any last bit of restraint he was holding onto. He pushed in as far as he could go as you flailed around. He pinned your arms down and pressed his mouth into yours, delivering a hot and heavy kiss that had you panting.

He pulled out, but the string of cum that followed made you blanch. You never were one for cum play. Still, you didn’t protest when Jake pushed everything back in with two fingers.

“Gotta’ make sure you’re full baby.”

You shake your head now, but again, what’s the point? It’s all done and dusted. Though, you should give yourself some credit. Even if you had realized earlier, it wouldn’t have made a difference. He would’ve realized that you knew before you could’ve even thought about escaping.

As you drifted asleep, you adjusted the volume of the baby monitor one last time and slumped into the fluffy pillows.

How do you wake up from dreams? Was it by pinching yourself? You couldn’t wake up from the nightmare that was your reality when you pinched yourself. You doubted that would work right now. You couldn’t recall how to open your eyes. Instead, you whimpered in your sleep, reliving the moment Jake finally revealed his ulterior motive

“You did what?” Jake was seething, but the only indication of it was his clenching jaw and red face. His tone was the perfect embodiment of the calm before a storm.

“I know you aren’t happy… but Jake, you- you’re always talking about babies and a family. It was so overwhelming and I… I-I…” You were shivering now, unable to withstand the heat of his glare. You had never been on the receiving end of his anger. Hell, you had never even seen him angry.

“I didn’t have an abortion, Jake, for god’s sake stop looking at me like a killed a baby! Plan B is not a crime. I’m only even bringing this up because I started on birth control anyway. Plan B every time we have sex is just not practical or feasible.”

At this point, you could’ve been speaking to a wall. Jake still hadn’t said anything and you were beginning to wonder if he had even been listening.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice,” he whispered, at last.

“What?”

“I watch you do everything, I can’t believe I didn’t know about the Plan B.”

“What… What are you saying?”

“I said,” Jake stood up, “I’ve basically been watching you 24/7. And I don’t know how I didn’t notice this.”

“What do you mean watching me?” Tears in your waterline were threatening to blur your vision but you blinked furiously in an attempt to keep looking Jake in the eyes.

“You think FRIDAY works for you?”

Jake leisurely cracked each knuckle and took a step towards you. You took one back.

“Oh, now, don’t be like that.”

You woke from your nightmare that was the boiling pot and jumped straight into the fire. Jake was already moving in and out of your channel, moaning about how he missed you too much.

You tried to adjust yourself but he caught your arms and pulled out just long enough to flip you onto your stomach.

When he pushed back in, the hopelessness of your life manifested as tears; it happens every once in a while.

Today, you had a new record: you were able to hold off a total of 7 breakdowns.

But, of course, that was right before he pinched you awake every time.

Masterlist

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missymurphy1985 · 3 years ago

Text

The Call

This was another request: So y/n is younger than Cill, she overs here's a call he's on with his management basically trying to convince him to leave her, so she goes upstairs to pack up because well she's not staying around when she's not wanted & Cillian finds her doing this and he's like no no no let me show me how much I want you around 😉

Warnings - talk of separation, smut

Turning the key in the lock you carefully opened the door as quietly as possible. Knowing Cillian, he was taking a nap in the lounge and you didn't want to disturb him. 12 hour days filming six days a week, he'd come home yesterday completely exhausted.

Instead of his light snoring, you were surprised to hear him talking on Skype to his agent in the study across the hallway. You smiled, before making your way to the door to let him know you were home, bottle of wine in hand when you froze.

"So, I'd get more scripts if I wasn't with y/n?" You heard Cillian ask his agent. You didn't move, you could barely breathe.

"Cillian, this is having a severe impact on your credibility! Producers aren't taking you seriously anymore, they're seeing you as a sugar daddy! Y/n is barely out of university, and you're pushing 50 here!" His agent was almost laughing.. you were sure you even heard Cillian chuckle at one point.

"Right... So it looks like we've got this all figured out then doesn't it?"

"Absolutely!! It's so simple Cill, everyone loves a single Dad!"

You'd heard enough. Tears burning your eyes, you tiptoed up the stairs, still with the wine in your hand, and made your way to your bedroom. Once you were sure you were out of earshot you allowed a sob to leave you as you leaned against the closed door, before grabbing an overnight bag from the closet. Taking a deep breath, and opening the wine to take a quick slug from it, you started to pack. All those times he'd told you he loved you... You completed him... Lies! He'd exchange you for Hollywood in a heartbeat!!! Well no... This wasn't going down that way - there's no way he's breaking YOUR heart when you can break HIS first....

Taking another swig from the bottle you took another deep breath and continued packing, not realising how loud your footsteps had become. The bedroom door suddenly swung open, and Cillian stood in the doorway, completely confused.

"Er... Y/n? Everything okay up here? I didn't hear you come home?"

"I didn't want to disturb your call.. you sounded busy." You voice was as deadpan as you could make it. You couldn't even look at him.

"Are you going somewhere?" You stopped, tears escaping your eyes too quickly to stop them.

"I heard you... I heard the call Cillian..."

"What call?" He approached you from behind and tried to put his arms around you but you pulled away. Turning to face him, you brought a hand up to slap the side of his face. "The fuck y/n?!?" You'd never slapped him before.. part of you felt an instant regret but the anger was burning inside you.

"Don't fucking play dumb with me, I heard you!! You'd get more scripts if you didn't have the 25year old homewrecker on your arm! You'd be more credibility as a single Dad!" Cillians eyes widened.. no... No no no..

"How much of that call did you hear, exactly?"

"Enough!!"

"Wrong!! You didn't hear fucking HALF of it!! You didn't hear me end the call, did you?" His voice raised now. "When I told him never to call me again. Never to even claim to represent me. That he was fired?? Did you hear that??" You stood frozen again, looking into his eyes. Your tears were drying up, but his looked close to spilling. "To have someone try and tell me how to live my life... Tell me who I can and can't spend my life with... he did the same thing with Natalie.. he wants me to be an eternal bachelor... that my career would take off if I wasn't seeing someone 20 years younger..." His voiced cracked at the thought of losing you.

"It worked with Natalie. Yes, she was the mother of my kids, but there was never a real connection with her.. I allowed it to happen without realising he was responsible for it... But you? I can't live without you y/n... The age difference has never bothered me.." he walked towards you again, pulling the bottle of wine out your hand and placing it on the chest of drawers in the corner. Picking the handles up on the overnight bag on your bed and throwing it to the floor. Needed it out of the way for what he was about to do.

"How do I know you won't change your mind one day? How do I know you mean it? You could trade me in for a younger model one day!"

"I'll show you how much I want you, and will always want you - close your eyes." His voice took a darker tone now, which always drove you wild. You closed you eyes as you felt his lips slowly start to kiss down your neck.. he turned you back round again so your back was pressing against his chest, as his fingers began to unbutton your blouse. "Keep them closed, baby..." He saw your eyelids flutter in the full length mirror in front of you both. He pulled your blouse off and let it fall to the floor, swiftly followed by your bra. Your jeans and panties soon came down your legs too, and he brought himself back up minus his T shirt.. his now bare chest hair tickling your back making you giggle.

His hands explored your upper whole body... Pressing your breasts, kneading them gently and loving hearing the moans of complete passion emitting from your beautiful lips... Before sinking a hand down to rest between your thighs, gently tapping them to allow him access. Happily granting it, he sunk a finger down to collect as much moisture as he could before circling your clit expertly, knowing exactly how to make you squirm underneath him. Holding you firmly round the waist with one hand, as the other mercilessly assaulted the small bundle of nerves between your legs, you squeezed your eyes closer together and allowed your head to fall back onto his shoulder. You couldn't move from the waist down, he had such a tight grip on you.

"Fuck... Cill... Keep going.. don't stop... Oh god..." He smiled, kissing into your bare neck as your moans became louder, he could feel your core burning now... You felt your orgasm screaming from inside as Cillian increased the pace.

"I've got you... Open those eyes baby.. watch yourself cum on my fingers, yeah?" You opened them to see yourself in the mirror, Cillians hand buried between your thighs and you couldn't help but feel the pure eroticism from it - fuck his hand looked good there.... Within seconds you could feel that orgasm approaching, no stopping it, it completely drowned you as your tried to buck your hips, held in place by Cillians strong arms. He swiftly inserted two fingers inside you, feeling your walls clench around them as you came hard over his hand. Twitching those fingers upwards slightly to find that sweet spot, making you cry out again.

"No more.... I wanna taste you now..." You span round to face him and kissed him, tongues clashing together as you fiddled with the buttons on his jeans - his erection clear as day through the fabric. They dropped to the floor and you followed, still in front of the mirror as you took him down your throat, teeth catching along the way gently. His hands coming to rest in your hair.

"Ah... Holy fuck y/n..." You groaned into his cock as your hands rolled his balls between your fingers, emitting more groans from above you. "Stop baby... Need to fuck you now y/n... Let me in yeah..." He lifted you up to stand again, before backing you onto the bed. Opening your legs he lined himself up and pushed inside, condoms long gone since you'd moved in together. If it happened, it happened.

Taking it slow, he moved his hips against yours, trying to find that sweet spot inside again. He heard you gasp, there it was. Your fingernails dug into his back, and his thrusts became almost maniacal - he was pounding you with reckless abandon now, making your screams echo off the walls. Thank fuck your neighbours weren't home... He wasn't holding back now - sitting up on his knees, he lifted your hips for deeper access, thumb rubbing your swollen clit to bring you your second orgasm. You clenched your cunt round his cock hard, squeezing him, watching his eyes squint and mouth gasp as you did..

"Need to cum y/n... Cum with me.... Let me feel it all over me...."

"I'm coming... I am... Baby I'm gonna..." You had no voice now as your second orgasm exploded through you, and Cillians followed with a loud groan as he collapsed on top of you, kisses raining back down your neck, gentler this time. Lifting his head to rest it over yours, he looked into your eyes softly.

"Don't ever feel like you're not enough for me y/n... Promise me?" You nodded in agreement.

"Don't trade me in for a younger model when I turn 40, and you've got a deal Mr Murphy." You tried to hold back a laugh but couldn't help it, both of you now chuckling.

"Don't get Botox or any of that crazy weird shit, and you've got a deal."

"Don't be coming near me with ANYTHING from Ann Summers, and you've got a deal." He pouted. Clearly busted looking at the costumes online.

Both of you fell silent. A comfortable silence that you both sank into, before rolling under the covers to nap together.

"You're stuck with me now, you know that? I'm agentless, I might never work again!" He laughed again, and so did you.

"That's okay, save a fortune on childcare." He smiled. That was true. After spending so much time away from his boys as young kids, he was looking forward to spending as much time as possible with a new baby, if they were lucky enough to have one together. Despite his age, he felt he had plenty of time left for another baby.

"I hope it happens, you'll be an amazing mother y/n. I can't wait." A loving hand over your, for now empty, stomach, you felt butterflies. Embracing him as he lay behind you, you both fell into a deep sleep, surrounded by dreams of your own little family.

@queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @cloudofdisney @margoo0 @being-worthy

#cillian smut #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x you #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy #cillian x smut

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years ago

Note

i talked to some kids today who like kotlc, and its so funny to me that this is still like- a kids book. I think we all got a little too caught up in the war crimes and the very lovely idea of fintan and bronte dating and forgot that there are just kids out there who really want to be sophie and save the world n all, thats kinda sweet to me

That's very true!!! I think a lot of that comes from the community we have here on tumblr and how being online (instead of finding people irl who read and enjoy keeper) affects the age ranges of the series.

The intended age for kotlc is middle grade, which means it's targeted for people 8-12. Those are children and tweens!! This isn't the case for everyone, but a lot of the time poeple that age don't have access to technology, or at least not the kind to be regularly online. I know when I was 10 (using middle for example) I didn't have a phone and I never used the family computer, so if I ever talked with someone about a series it was because I knew them in person and they were the same age I was: a child.

However, the minimum age requirement to join tumblr is 13, already above that range. Not that there are huge insurmountable differences between 12 and 13 year olds, but my point is that assuming the majority of users actually follow the guidelines and don't join tumblr until they're supposed to, our age range is set way above that! like 13 to...I don't know a good guess for the average top age. We've got a lot of teenagers, but there have been adults in the fandom throughout the years.

Being several years older, we tend to focus on different aspects of the book and interpret them in different ways. At such a young age a few years can make a lot of difference, so we're looking at it from an entirely unique perspective! Which is added to by the reinforcement from peers, most of us going along and encouraging what everyone is saying and doing.

I think it's also easier to forget when we read the later books, as they have a much heavier tone to them and the issues the kotlcrew face are so much bigger. That and also Sophie does age throughout the series, going from 12 to about 15 now, and like I said at such a young age a few years makes a big difference--even more so for Sophie who is dealing with such traumatic things. She's quite literally not the same person in Unlocked as she was in Book 1.

but looking back at those first books, the kotlcrew really do act like kids! They are funny little guys just vibing in this elven world, and the humor is so...childish /pos. The books are full of fart jokes and silly teasing and immature insults and bullying. These characters don't have a care in the world! they're friendly and light and having fun with each other--it truly does feel like a kids book, and that's because it is!

and it's so interesting to see that and know that that's the lens younger readers see the whole series through, even with all the heavy topics Shannon has managed to get into. Reading the series when I was younger I was aware that bad things were happening, but it didn't really register; it was just the story to me, and I thought the characters were cool and the world was amazing--I distinctly remember actually being annoyed that Shannon had written the elven world because it seemed like exactly the thing I would want to write, but I couldn't now because she had beat me to it.

We bash on the series a lot and change canon and do what we want, but it's so sweet how kids interact with it. Shannon likes writing for kids and that's what she's doing! It wasn't anything she did that made a bunch of teenagers get attached to it and continue reading it way past the intended age.

There are kids out there reading the series who want to be told a nice story, and kotlc gives them that! it gives them fun characters and a new world and it's wonderful! it's super sweet--the tumblr fandom may be a closer knit kind of fandom, but it's easy to forget that the overwhelming majority of the fanbase are people who are just out there, not on the internet. And that's why we don't get those perspectives and that kind of enjoyment of the series (not that we can't enjoy it, we just do so differently)

I hope all the kids reading kotlc enjoy the series, as I definitely did! And still do! I mean, I've got thousands of posts dedicated to kotlc, so I'm pretty sure that's indicative of something

#shannon: *writes a series intended for 8-12 year olds*#us. not 8-12: why is this series written like this #/lh #while critiquing media is valid I think sometimes we critique it in a way where we're pointing out things that are literally just because #of the target audience. not an actual thing with the series.#I hope the kids the series is meant for enjoy it!!#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #if-ten-million-fireflies

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year ago

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This is getting crazy long, adding a cut

Note: I use DID and CDD system interchangeably throughout. When I refer to "DID systems," it's meant to include all CDDs, it's just an old habit. Paraphrasing Colin Ross, it doesn't matter what you've got, it's the same disorder with the same etiology and problems.

First, I should say, no, CPTSD in adults is considered rare (Beauty After Bruises is an amazing, easy to understand resource that is endorsed by the ISSTD). Totally possible, yes, but rare-- it is largely associated with childhood trauma.

The difference here is that my server is for those with a system, with CPTSD. So adults with no system but CPTSD wouldn't be allowed either.

So when I say "shouldn't need access", most endogenics do not have CPTSD, or even trauma as a cause for their system. Now, I've come across a lot of endogenic systems that uh... Describe things very similar to disordered systems and CPTSD, but at that point, they fall into the second group, and aren't ready to acknowledge the connection between their system and trauma.

Or, there is no connection, so... Why be in the space?

We are, I suppose, a medicalized space, in that we support the DSM and research into DID. This means that we hold firm that DID is a childhood trauma disorder. This is from the authors of the DSM, though personally, I believe the age range goes to roughly 12. Current medical consensus is about 9 not accounting for developmental delays.

It does say "hypothesized," but research has come out since this book that confirms this hypothesis, and it's why the DSM 5 TR was updated to discuss the brain scans and bio markers (see the link from my first post).

So even if an endogenic system finds themselves with CPTSD in adulthood, I don't feel that it's safe or appropriate that they be in a space where members are frequently discussing horrific child abuse and how that trauma interacts with their systemhood. Not that we don't support them, but there are more appropriate spaces.

With that out of the way, I want to touch on some of the quick points: (this is going to be shorter, I lost the original version)

Space is pro endo, but endos can't join: The original discussion seemed to imply that separate, closed spaces are unneeded and unhealthy. I want to counter that by explaining our reasoning and give a glimpse into the space for people who think we're just in there shit talking endos all day long. I want to show that there are good reasons and that it can a VERY happy and healthy space. Not everyone accessing these spaces are anti endo, the majority are pro endo, but have trouble finding common ground with endogenic systems.

If you haven't seen my blog before, I frequently post censored images from Twitter of stupid things people say about DID. There are several instances on my blog of endogenic systems saying things like, "people with DID are just disordered plurals, they need to heal before they come into OUR spaces because they're too negative about the experience."

Like, if we want to talk about internalized sanism and ableism, it's just as easy to make a case that endogenic systems think less of those with DID. Did you know that the DSM says you can be functional and still have DID? Most don't, and I'm getting awful tired of hearing about how people aren't distressed enough to be disordered.

That's ableism. This idea that you have to be totally dysfunctional and unable to take care of yourself. No, you can be very successful and healthy with a diagnosis. Managing symptoms doesn't mean the problem is gone. There is not a threshold for struggling. Stability and functionality are constantly changing states, and you can go years before you find yourself suddenly spiraling and struggling again. You weren't... Not disordered during that time. You don't fluctuate in and out of disorderedness-- you're always disordered with varying, changing levels of functionality, and to imply otherwise is not only wrong but offensive.

As well, a lot of things discussed in plural spaces are unhealthy for those with DID. Take alter autonomy and distinction, for example. Doing that is further encouraging dissociation in DID systems, but those who seem hesitant or unwilling to push for alter autonomy are frequently compared to trying for final fusion-- often referred to as su*c*de in those spaces (trust me).

(this very well-known and very popular endogenic syscourser on Twitter also likes to refer to those with DID as "culturally singlets". It's great. /s)

Hint: you can achieve functional multiplicity with indistinct alters, and both final fusion and functional multiplicity are good healing options, neither is better or worse than the other-- it's a personal choice, people should mind their own business

You're spiritual: this is self moderation. It's nothing against you or our space (you've mentioned interest a few times, we'll come to that, this is just talking). Our space encourages a mix of medical and personal beliefs. If the medical aspect isn't as important to you, or you feel that you won't fit into the space or conversations because of the medical aspect, it's just not the appropriate space for you. That's it. Again, nothing about you or the space.

Here's the thing, most systems don't know the full extent of their trauma. It would be impossible to gatekeep the space. Our requirements are: be mature and an adult, be able to self moderate, encourage and support valid research and facts (this is where we lose most endogenics-- as if we can't be pro DSM and pro endo at the same time)-- we like psych critical people, we recognize there are problems in the field, but understand that finding a good therapist can be life-changing and that we should be pushing for better education for clinicians in dissociative disorders, and finally... Recognize you've got something going on between trauma and system. Not what the trauma is, or how much or for how long-- just, "yeah, pretty sure I'm traumatized and I'm struggling, I want to learn from other systems that have been in recovery to see what's going on."

I'm in my thirties, I've been through the system in a hundred different ways since I was a kid (I was already in therapy at 5, and I specifically remember this because the therapist accidentally told me that my dad was dead. I was very confused because my (about to be revealed step-)father was very much alive).

My goal in the server is to hopefully help others learn from my mistakes and journey. It's to share what I've learned through therapy with those who don't have access yet. It's to compare therapists with others so they can figure out if they're comfortable with their current therapist or can do better. It's promising younger systems (18+) that it does get better.

Which leads into:

Community support is incredibly important, but as I said, we're old, we're tired, and it's not our job to educate. Most don't want to hear what we've got to say anyways.

Did you know that one of the big articles that's ALWAYS added to the "Proof for Endogenics" lists, dimensions of normal multiplicity, is actually trying to DISPROVE DID? I spoke with Kymbra Clayton, the author of another often cited article, critiquing the requirement of oneness. Hers was one of the first articles to discuss healthy multiplicity as a treatment option for DID. It's an old article and it's very important to our history. She stated her article has nothing to do with endogenics systems (it took a while to explain to her).

Did you know Allen Frances actually had zero ability to remove DID from the DSM? He's actually just really egotistical and everyone fell for the article he basically wrote about himself and how important he was.

Did you know that there's actually a reason that DID wasn't put under Trauma and Stressor Related Disorders? (It's because TSRDs are caused by a single event to which the symptoms can be traced to the event). You can't do that with DID because it's multiple events and you usually can't remember them anyways-- it is still a trauma-based disorder and that 'and/or' under criteria B doesn't mean trauma is optional, it means you might or might not remember it)

No, no one ever wants to hear what the "sysmeds" say, even when the problem being discussed is damaging to the DID community and there are verifiable, easy to find research and information backing what we're saying. Sysmed has frequently become synonymous with citing this research and these facts. One of the biggest endogenic syscoursers recently made a post that the word system started with IFS and that those with MPD adopted the word from there. And yet, in 1905...

There has STILL been zero acknowledgement, apology, or correction to their followers or the DID community. Yes, many DID systems are very upset with the endogenic community and don't want to interact thanks to harm done and the lack of care given. Anyone complicit in the speading of misinformation isn't welcome either.

Unfortunately, it's mostly endos in that group.

If we're not on the same page with facts and research, our space isn't for you. We don't want to argue these facts, and supporting those facts doesn't mean we're anti. It just means we're tired of arguing and people can join when they're ready to hear about the research and history.

Questioning systems are very welcomed. There are several other disorders that can very much feel like alters, and we hope our space can help people figure out what's going on with them. If someone figures out that they're struggling with BPD and not DID, again, they become a valuable resource for other questioning systems in talking about the differences that helped them figure it out. Everything I've said above this explains why we don't accept questioning endogenic systems. If you decide you are trauma-based, and likely have a CDD, then great. Otherwise, there are more appropriate spaces.

Biological essentialism: As I said, there are now brain scans that show bio markers for childhood trauma (timeframe based on growth and healing of matter and structure, compared to other trauma-based disorders), and that would be the mechanism that allows us to dissociate to the extent that we do. This is (a very simplified explanation but) tangible proof that it's different. There's another paper that covers all of the neuroimaging data and puts it in a single place. (This is actually EXTREMELY exciting, as it essentially shows that the biggest predictor for DID is emotional neglect (not abuse, neglect), which is showing to be more damaging than physical and sexual abuse combined)

"We're expected to centre this in our recovery," is a sentiment that I agree with. Western culture specifically believes that talk therapy-- going over the same scenario repeatedly-- is the best way to heal, but that's not true for everyone. I've said before on this blog and I'll continue to say it, if you never figure out what traumatized you, that's okay. It is completely and entirely possible to heal without ever facing those memories. Acknowledgement is more than enough.

Our space is for people who can recognize the trauma reactions in themselves. Like I said earlier, I've seen many endogenic systems that... To people around them, are very clearly... Dealing with some stuff. Until they can see the unhealthy reactions in themselves, they're not ready, and this may be a better way to explain why we don't allow endogenic systems in? Many younger systems, endos and DID alike, still can't see their behaviour as it affects others. Many adult bodied endogenic systems don't see their behaviour as problematic or dysfunctional, or how trauma may be affecting them. Until they decide that they want to change their behaviours, our space is not for them, as changing behaviours and reactions is the goal, and it's how you can still heal without knowing the cause. Being able to trace the reaction to a source in your memories may help the process, but it's not necessary.

This is also why many alters can appear to have formed for no reason. It can take years and years for alters to gain consciousness, and even longer to make themselves known, and it can become impossible to pinpoint when exactly they came to be. You can still recognize behaviours that may give you an idea, but again, not necessary. "Mixed origin" is actually an extremely common experience in DID systems just because it can be so hard to tell and not everyone is ready to look.

Once you acknowledge your behaviour is a problem, it's a lot easier to see how trauma plays into that. It's like a turning point, so to speak.

These seem like stereotypical blanket statements, but I don't say any of this without having seen these things first hand. I've personally argued every single one of those points on both Twitter and Tumblr, multiple times. I watch people downplay their struggles on the daily, and I understand from other users that conversations like that, and reassurance that people are not disordered just because they're struggling "a little bit" are all too common.

I'm not sure I understand this part:

so if you're saying that making your own choices on the basis of having accepted your trauma - wouldn't you.. like, ultimately, decenter the actual traumatic experiences?... would you still consider yourself a system then? (rhetorical.)

If I reconciled all of my trauma, my alters will continue to exist regardless. They have their own trauma to reconcile, and some of them... I doubt ever will. I don't know that the process can ever be completed-- I think you just continue to get better and handle yourself better over the years and as you learn more and gain life experience. Bad days and bad reactions become fewer and further, but I don't think it'll ever not be an issue in some capacity.

Talking shit is talking shit: but we're not talking shit, we're talking about our frustration with racism in the system communities. There's a difference. Have you been watching the tulpa discourse??

Older systems: Did you know that the average age of system discovery is actually more like 18-21? In clinical settings, it's extremely rare to see young systems-- they typically present in late twenties/early thirties. Now, keep in mind, this will change. The advent of the internet has made figuring things out easier, and as the younger generation reaches an age that they can seek out therapy on their own, the averages will change, but for older systems (you're also an adult, correct?) It's extremely common that system realization happens much later. I didn't discover my system at all until I was like 20. Colour me shocked, I literally would never have figured it out, left to my own devices.

This is a normal occurrence. It doesn't necessarily mean that your system formed only in adulthood. The mechanisms for DID can be placed in childhood and onset of symptoms can happen decades later. This is discussed in both the ICD and DSM.

You call all of this anti endo/sysmed rhetoric.

I call it basic facts about DID and its presentation, and I'm telling you that I'm incapable of helping you figure out your origins. The last thing we, as a system and moderator, want to do to ANY system is inadvertantly convince them that they're one thing, when they're not. Our goal is to provide information to help people figure it out on their own.

To top it off, most don't want to hear these things. Introspection, when presented with new facts, scares a lot of people.

Just stating facts about DID is enough to send most endos on a rant about how we're trying to medicalize them and convince them they're traumagenic.

No, I'm just saying that the reason you use to say that you don't have DID is based on a myth or flat out lie.

(the general 'you', not you specifically)

I think it's equally true to say that, while anti endo/sysmed rhetoric is dangerous to new systems, factual information about DID and its presentation isn't welcomed (and is often outright seen as an attack) in plural spaces, and that the lack of those resources and facts is equally as dangerous.

When plural spaces allow us to talk about our disorder without assuming the worst about us, maybe the communities can mix.

But that time is, unfortunately, not now, and I hope you can see-- I'm not some monster. I believe in the endogenic experience.

But you're one of the very few people to actually have a real conversation with me.

(I am also in a mixed server, maybe that matters? I don't know, but there's a small group of pro/endos that help me learn and figure out more about the plural community)

It's clear you've read everything I've written, you made the effort to try to understand. Most don't. To the majority of the plural community, I'm just a sysmed with nothing important to say and no reason to be upset.

Like, yeah, mhm, I'm just making up facts over here.

@jadeitis I think I'm done??? Maybe time for a new post with cuts??

Edit: I want to expand on this point just a little more.

I think that's another key difference between plural and CDD spaces.

Our spaces are very much about looking at alternative diagnoses and trying to rule them out. This means that other disorders are frequently discussed in-depth, and everyone encourages those discussions. These are considered learning possibilities with willing participants, not personal attacks.

In plural spaces, the questioning of self ID is borderline taboo. The suggestion that an endogenic system may be experiencing symptoms of a different disorder, and discussions of disorders with similar presenting symptoms, is frequently seen as questioning someone's awareness of themselves.

Bruh, we're all least aware about ourselves. It very, very often takes an unbiased third party to examine you, your symptoms/experiences, and medical history to say, yeah, no, that's not quite as normal you think or it doesn't quite work like that.

This way too often leads to clashes in mixed spaces.

so as a member of a newly discovered system, i have to say, the exclusionist shit got old FAST.

Having previously experienced things (&mainly on tumblr lbr) like ace exclusionism and widespread biphobia, transmedicalism, as well as the current issue in the disability community around the separation of "physical" and "mental" disabilities; the endomisia sticks out in this community we are now exploring, in terms of rhetoric. i wonder how many exclusionists are also people who would've been excluded in those other "movements" i mentioned..

like do y'all really think im .... not real then? I'm not any of the things i say and FEEL i am? that my experience, my life, is just. fake. because... it doesn't fit your *CAPITALIST* narrative of MISERY? [plain text: misery]

we understand that being a system is important to your collective self-understanding. it is for us as well.

we understand that being disordered may be a central pillar for some as well. let's get this straight: that is valid.

we are here to support you. you're welcome in our communities when you drop the fash attitude.

believe it or not, we have endured a LOT of trauma. but you're not going to get us to pathologise our VERY EXISTENCE. not even at gunpoint bro.

in my view, there is a spiritual dimension here, and its fine if you're not into that, but how the fuck does your conscience allow you to try to box everyone else into your understanding of things?

have you ever met someone who's different from you? have you *connected* with someone who is different from you? have you *seen* how different life experiences can be? HOW can you think any of this is okay to push on others?

I'm NOT SAYING that you cannot have your trauma-focused spaces. but like. is that what you want to focus on? or would you rather focus on joy? you don't have to decide immediately, but let me know in time.

i know it hurts. im sorry about that. focusing on joy in building our community doesn't mean we can never talk about trauma, grief and pain.

much love

Jade

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kittydemon9000 · 3 years ago

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Okay so once again, 3 am thoughts have gifted me with yet another au. It is by no means original but screw it: SmithSwap

The only things I’m switching is their ages, so now Nya is the older one, but it. Gets. Fun.

For specifics, as of the Pilots/S1 Nya is 15 and Kai is 11, because I want bebe kai

Now, prior to Wu showing up, it’s pretty much the same as canon only with roles reversed. Nya mostly runs the shop while Kai is trying to everything he can to make things easier for his big sister, and I mean everything. The only one Nya doesn’t stop him from doing is cooking because Kai is the better chef, though neither can figure out why. Nya also likes to tell Kai stories of their parents since he can’t remember them too well, much to his disappointment.

ANYWAY, Wu shows up, Kai gets upset he’s insulting his sister’s work, then Skulkin show up. Kai does get snatched, much to Nya worry and canon continues.

Okay but also tiny spinoff, it also would’ve been hilarious if Nya still got kidnapped because then when the guys meet Kai they’d be like “who is this sassy lost child?”

So then while Nya’s training, I’m actually going to say what happened when Kai is captured.

You see, a side affect of being really freaking old is that your perception of time changes, specifically how long periods seem shorter. Garmadon decided that because of the prophecy it would be best to snatch the Master of Fire, who he thought would be Ray.

So you can imagine his surprise when his Skulkin bring in a kicking, screaming 11 year old child.

He is, understandably, not happy and very confused.

He sends the Skulkin away and tries his best talking with Kai. Like, as little malice as he can in a gentle voice, and he actually learns a few things. 1) both Ray and Maya went missing years ago, 2) these kids have no idea about anything regarding the Elemental Masters, 3) Kai’s sister has been raising him since their parents went missing, and she’s only four years older than him

Understandably, he is concerned, but also sees this as an opportunity. If he raises the Master of Fire to be loyal to him, then he’ll never want to fulfill his role in the prophecy, thus ensuring his victory. also he really misses lloyd and now when he returns he’ll have two kids!!! how amazing is that

So yeah Kai’s stay in the Underworld isn’t that bad. This Garmadon guy is pretty nice, tells him awesome stories about his parents, teaches him a bunch of things(mostly how to fight), and really just acts like the paternal figure he never had(Garmadad is canon, no matter what form you can fight me on this). The only part that sucks in Samukai, but he’s just a jerk and Garmadon makes sure he’ll never actually do anything to hurt him. He does miss Nya a lot though.

Anyway back with Nya and the guys.

They don’t actually know the exact reason why she was here at the beginning. All they know was that Wu originally left for the Master of Fire and came back with her instead. They know she has a brother, but aren’t quite sure how he falls into it.

They learn her full story the night they’re heading to the Temple of Fire, at which when they’re winding down Zane brings up how she never actually told them how she met Wu.

They are very concerned when they find out the whole story and swear they’ll help her get him back, which is nice.

Then she sees Kai But Actually Garmadon, follows, and bam Sword of Fire time. She isn’t able to fully use it, but she’s able to get a few sparks. However, things then start to take a turn for the worst.

Kai is actually here, very confused why Garmadon’s having him tied to the ceiling, but hey Nya’s here! But then oh no he then realizes that Garmadon is the bad guy, which gets him upset and more then a little betrayed.

Seeing him hurt his sister, the one of raised him, actually has Kai pick up the sword and use his powers. Under normal circumstances, it probably wouldn’t have been bigger than a few sparks, however Kai has his big sister in danger, dealing with the betrayal of an almost father figure, holding the Sword of Fire, and being surrounded by his element.

So yeah. Not that small of a fire.

The guys and Wu are actually able to to witness the truly incredible fire blast he lets out from the camp, put two and two together, and start heading over. Wu didn’t follow Nya…..because plot and was the able to help them fight off the Skulkin.

Anyway, it’s more than enough to dissipate the shadows, however it also wakes up the dragon. Garmadon, who is sort of panicking because That Was Not Supposed To Happen, ends up scooping up an unconscious Kai and the Sword and retreating to the underworld, leaving behind a very pissed Nya and an equally pissed Fire Dragon.

But yeah, Nya deals with the dragon, they get the other ones and head to the Underworld with Wu this time, and he’s actually the reason they’re able to get past all the Skulkin.

But yeah, Samukai gets vaporized and Garmadon about to leave when a feverish Kai makes his way in and begs Garmadon to not do it and that they can fix things.

And Garmadon….actually pauses for a second and you can see the conflict in his eyes before he shakes his head and says “there’s no going back for me” and walks through. Kai then collapses and the end up heading back home.

As for what’s up with Kai, who would’ve guessed tapping into a kind of power you aren’t supposed to have access to yet in a high stress situation would be bad for the body. He has a really bad fever but he’s fine after a few days.

The few month timeskip in between the Pilots and S1 is mostly spent training Kai, so they have quite a bit less free time. However when S1 starts and Kai hears about Lord Garmadon, he actually wants to check it out himself first.

So yeah, he meets Lloyd by himself and it actually doesn’t go that badly. Kai actually buys some candy for them to share and they leave the town, and Kai actually starts talking with him. Eventually the topic comes up about Garmadon and Kai gives a rough basis about how he sort of got kidnapped, and then his work in progress plan of making him good again. Lloyd is completely down with seeing his dad again and says how they could probably get his dads attention if their got their own evil army.

And because they’re both stupid kids, neither of which have had parents before, Kai thinks it’s a great idea.

So yeah. That’s why they find the Serpentine here.

Ofc, it isn’t a right away type thing. It takes them about a month before they find the Hypnobrai Tomb, and Kai just plays off all his time spent out as him having made a friend, which they can’t exactly argue with.

Ofc, canon still happens and when Kai was busy training Lloyd ended up finding the tomb and releasing the Serpentine, and they do their regular Canon Nonsense.

However, Kai is not too happy about the whole Attack Villages things and after a bit comes clean to the ninja about their original plan. They very much aren’t happy, but admit his heart was in the right place and they doubt he’d pull something like this again.

Fast-forward a bit more, Kai is mostly chill with Zane’s “weirdness” and unfortunately stays home when the Hypnobrai burn down the Monestary. It’s only because the dragons were able to get out and protect him that he was still alive. Nya’s actually the one who yells at Zane this time around because again. Kai almost died, but it’s all cool later and they find the Bounty :D

Anyway, Canon again continues. Kai is still really good with the dragons and is a little upset they need to leave. He also gets along really well with Ed and Edna. Then when Lloyd joins Kai is a little….well he doesn’t hate him but he does spend a while avoiding him.

Eventually Nya has enough of their dancing around each other and locks them both in the same room so they can talk it out. Turns out the reason Kai was avoiding him was because Lloyd’s betrayal really hurt since they were supposed to do it to find Garmadon, not hurt people. They have a tearful apology, then Kai learns how much of a jerk the Serpentine were and is like “the next time I see any I’ll protect you, since you’re like my little brother and as a big brother it’s my job to keep you safe”

Now it’s Samurai Time :)

You see, this time around Kai has double reasons for being the Samurai. 1) Yeah, he hates being left behind and wants to be involved but also 2) he wants to keep his big sister and big brothers safe

So yeah, that happens. He does think it’s pretty funny when they keep trying and failing to one up him though.

But then :) He gets captured with Lloyd :)))

So yeah, that sucks but it only gets worse because while Kai was able to “summon” his Samurai Mech, he had to send it off to get the ninja away. So that sucks.

Garmadon eventually shows up to help since the Serpentine stole both his kids, much to Nya’s chagrin.

Then comes the freaking Volcano Scene and this one is from Nya when she rescues Kai, then has to choose between Lloyd or the Fangblade. She ends up unlocking her True Potential by essentially leaving behind all negative feels she had for Lloyd and accepting him under her protection just like she did Kai.

The sheer torrent of water easily cools all the lava and thoroughly soaks them. But hey, even Kai has to admit being wet is better than being burnt alive. Also when the ninja start wondering aloud why the Samurai didn’t help Kai bashfully admits he was the Samurai, and this thoroughly impresses the ninja since Kai is like, 12 at this point.

Uhhhh, S2 isn’t too different. Kai is super happy that the dragons are back and is easily Ultra’s favorite. He isn’t hit with either Garms spell nor the Tomorrows Tea, but is there to comfort Lloyd and says that even though he got hit with some magic stuff Kai is still going to protect him since he’s still his older brother. On the Dark Island Kai is heartbroken Nya got corrupted and swears he’ll help fix her. When Garmadon gets purified Kai looses his shit and gets so excited since let’s goooooo not only is his dad not evil anymore they can go out in public together :DDDD

S3, also not too different. During the whole Love Triangle nonsense Kai’s just sitting there so confused. Also Pixal joins team Kai’s Older Siblings. Him getting captured was just him being at the wrong place wrong time. He has a really fun time time in space though, which was nice.

But uh. Then Zane hecking dies, which hits everyone really hard, especially Kai. Only this time, Nya ends up taking Kai back to Ignacia and opens up the forge again, pretty much cutting all contact with the other ninja, Wu and Garmadon. While it might’ve been boring and lonely, at least in Ignacia they were safe.

Kai is…honestly really miserable, but hides it well. He can barely get up some mornings, but does so anyway since he’s desperately trying to act like things are normal, despite how Nya doesn’t talk very much. He misses the other ninja a lot, even Pixal despite not knowing her for very long, but doesn’t want to tell Nya since again, trying to make things normal again. Nya also doesn’t let him out of the house too often, only really if she’s there to watch him.

This routine goes on for about two months, until Lloyd shows up to try and get everyone back together. And Nya.....Nya doesn’t like that.

She and Lloyd end up having a bit of a passive aggressive argument that is progressively getting louder until Kai just. Snaps.

He yells at them to stop fighting, how they’re acting so horribly and that he wished things could go back to normal, how Zane wouldn’t want this and that he’d be disappointed in them.

The two visibly flinch.

Then Kai realizes exactly what he just said and who he said it to. And he runs.

Nya and Lloyd both spend some time in silence, mulling over what Kai just said because he was right. Zane would hate what’s become of the team and how they separated.

Nya ends up being the one to break the silence, asking Lloyd where and when to meet.

When Kai doesn’t return from the woods, she ends up leaving a note before she leaves, explaining where she’s going and how she’s sorry.

Meanwhile, Kai is having a slight breakdown in a Tree Base he made years ago.

But yeah, fast forward a bit and Kai’s getting ready to sneak onto Chen’s Island, but in a slightly different way than canon. Instead he takes a slightly experimental ship that’s basically a smaller Bounty which he calls the Destiny’s Wish. Think of the comparison like a Car vs a Go Cart. Comfortably, it can fit 2 people long term, but for quick trips can carry as many as 10, but it’ll be a tight fit and the Wish might have some trouble flying.

So yeah, he’s on his own and he doesn’t arrive until a few hours before the EMs all get dropped from the plane. Shade is actually the one to find him first, but has a moment of pause since Literal Child and gives Kai enough time to kick him into a tree and run. The whole chase actually lasts about two hours but unfortunately Kai isn’t able to get back to the Wish and gets caught.

Now for the fun part :)

So all the EMs(and I do mean all because he wanted to “thank them for their contribution”) are in the throne room, their powers snatched, when Chen said aloud “But it is such a shame that we don’t have the Master of Fire, the we’d be able to complete the spell.” and for the briefest second the Ninja Fam are relieved but then Chen does a whole “SIKE, WE GOT HIM” and has some of the guards bring Kai out.

The Ninja are, understandably, freaking out. The EMs kinda are too since Child but only a little bit and it’s not personal

But then just as Chen’s about to snatch his fire, Kai starts saying how Chen cheated since Kai never got to play in a match. Chen refutes it since His Game His Rules but then Kai says that age old statement to get siblings to do Stupid Shit: “What are you, scared?”

Chen is not scared, thank you very much. And you know what, since you’re so confident fine, you now get your own challenge!

So yeah, now Kai has his own challenge.

What is it you might ask?

A vertical obstacle course with a time limit. If Kai doesn’t grab the Jade Blade, the exit closes.

Not that bad you might think. After all, Kai’s been training with the ninja for the past year, he’s probably got this in the bag.

Yeah welllllllll, a little bird told might have told Chen that a certain Master of Fire couldn’t swim.....so he uses Nya’s power to gradually fill up the room and forcing him up.

Surprise surprise, it was rigged against him. I’m talking platforms having false bottoms, ladders being oiled, high pressure water jets to knock him off, the works.

Kai is so close to making it. So close..... but Chen can’t have that happen now can he :)

So yeah, Kai ends up falling in and Nya almost drags all the EMs into the water trying to get him.

Luckily it’s at that moment Lloyd bursts in with Garmadon, frees the EMs and gets Chen’s staff. The EMs bust out and just as Nya’s about to dive in the whole thing starts draining, like an enormous whirlpool.

You see Chen actually thought ahead and realized that “hey, if the kid dies he’ll loose his power” so he made a plan that when Kai was going to fall in, he would use one of the tubes that shot water but in verse and suck him in. Luckily he was able to pull it off before the gem was smashed because if not MMM.

So yeh, Kai is now captured, but still on the island. Skylor reluctantly copies his powers(she got sort of close with Nya and this is the little brother she was gushing about), and Anacondrai happens. However, the two are able to escape, Skylor’s actually able to figure out the Summon Dragon thing, and then they head back to the main group.

Then comes the inevitable question of “how did you get here anyway?” and then Kai shows them The Wish. He actually ends up flying back with Garmadon before all the EMs learn how to Summon Dragon so they can warn people about the ensuing danger.

So yeah, they head out, the Pythor thing happens, canon then Sad because Garm still needs to do the whole sacrifice thing D:

That one hits Lloyd and Kai really hard, but they both use each other for comfort so it isn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

But yeah, this is getting long so tbc for a part 2 :DDD

#Smith swap au #kai #kai smith #nya #nya smith #ninjago #info dump

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