#amanda's anger IS justified by the way

[yanoharuhito]

im not In Tune with this fandom yet but like. ive looked over both ata 1 and 2 and like...what makes people think wooly is evil... or even remotely antagonistic.... it's not like he's there of his own will or anything, right? his interests differ from amanda's and that's okay i think

[theabigailthorn]

We know you were on accutane. Stop lying

not that it would matter if I had, and not that it's any of your business, but I have in fact never taken accutane.

This is a useful teaching moment though, because what you're doing is a well-studied phenomenon in digital media called 'policing fake femininity.' It's a thing people do to women in the public eye, a specific kind of criticism centred around accusations of being inauthentic, fake, or having cheated in some way. Often it's men doing the policing but women do it to each other a lot too, there are whole websites dedicated to it in fact. Often those criticisms centre around our appearances, as yours did here.

It's sometimes a response to perceived inequality, of which there is plenty! Women in the public eye - myself included - do benefit from a lot of privilege. I've always been quite open about that. People who engage in that kind of public bullying often tell themselves that because of the privilege (or perceived privilege) of their targets the fake femininity policing is socially justified, or the fault of the target. But it doesn't really do anything to correct the structural problems that give rise to that inequality.

In their paper "Policing Fake Femininity," scholars Brooke Duffy, Kate Miltner, and Amanda Wahlstedt say,

“The solution to the structural concerns associated with capitalist patriarchy is not, we contend, to label individual influencers “stupid famewhores” and disparage their mental health in ways that invoke the spectre of hysteria (e.g., “batsh*t crazy,” “delusional,” and “lunatic”). As Chemaly [Rage Becomes Her, 2018] argues, it is necessary that girls and women express their anger, but such a directive “is not an endorsement of unbridled rage, or permission to deliver a swift roundhouse kick to the face of anyone who upsets you, or to regularly fill the spaces you live and work in with hostility and discomfort.” While venting anger at these influencers and their purportedly questionable choices may provide some form of much-needed catharsis, such gender-coded vitriol amplifies the rampant misogyny and toxicity that women already face in online environments.”

If you'd like to know more, I recommend:

Steve Cross & Jo Littler, “Celebrity and schadenfreude: The cultural economy of fame in freefall,” in Cultural Studies

Brooke Duffy, Kate Miltner, & Amanda Wahlstedt, “Policing “fake” femininity: Authenticity, accountability, and influencer anti-fandom,” in New Media & Society

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Amanda is morally grey (the one thing I dislike about this fandom).

Amanda from Amanda the Adventurer is SUCH a morally grey character. That is what I love about her. She isn't a horrible person, but her hands aren't clean either. I've seen this discussion in a couple of places and I'd like to join in. The think I dislike about this fandom is it's tendency to either baby or villainize the characters. But I'm going to talk specifically about how people baby-fy Amanda.

Amanda is supposed to be a sympathetic young child trapped in a horrible situation. We are supposed to feel bad for her. However, I feel like some people take this to a babying extent where they see Amanda as a little baby who can do no wrong.

Amanda has done things that are morally questionable or wrong. Such as:

Hurting and killing Wooly. Now we all know Wooly isn't completely innocent. And given what we do know, we can at least understand why Amanda would do this. But unless we get solid evidence that Wooly did something horrible to deserve this (like direct undeniable proof that he was fully in on Hameln's plan and agreed with their motives and morals or something like that) It doesn't fully justify her behavior. This is one of the more tame and excusable things she's done though because we don't know enough about Wooly to say that she ISN'T justified.

Hurting/Killing Riley. This however is absolutely not justified. In the first game I think it was easier to dismiss it as she did not seem to have much control over herself or the demon. And for the first game this may have been true. However, in the second game she does this twice while she seems to have a VERY clear idea of what she's doing. The first is when she asks us to bring her a toy. We learn in "When you feel bad" that she is AWARE of the demon's presence. So this felt entirely like a threat to me. I think we can excuse this a little because Amanda is a kid with way too much power. I don't want to baby her, but she might not really fully understand the consequences or implications of what she is doing here. She is just a frustrated child acting out and releasing her anger. Thus, she might not be fully thinking through her actions. She does this again in the When You Feel Bad Tape. If you make her happy she tells the demon to leave us alone. But if you don't she DOESN'T. She is fully aware the demon is going to hurt us... and does nothing. Even though she could stop this, she doesn't. Refusing to act is still an action. It is still a choice. Once again, it's a choice she makes when she's really upset with us. A choice she probably isn't thinking through. It is understandable and probably realistic for a child to get wrapped up in their emotions and not think things through. But it still makes Amanda objectively not the best friend one could have.

Finally, to some extent I think Amanda is aware of the danger our involvement with her puts us in. The danger the show presents, the danger Hameln presents, the danger the demons present, and possibly more. Yet she still doesn't try to warn us about this or stop us. This is still very understandable because we are probably the only person left who can help her be free, and she is desperate.

Once again, do not misunderstand me. Amanda is not a horrible villainous person. She is a child who has very little regulation of her emotions or self-control over her actions. A lot of her actions come of as impulsive and in the moment. Not carefully plotted or thought-about. I guess I am trying to say that while she is not a horrible person, she is not someone who is incapable of doing harm or being wrong or doing things that aren't morally correct. She's human. She's flawed. She's morally grey. That is what I love about her.

It's not just Amanda either. Almost all the main characters have done something that threatens our safety or something that is morally questionable. (except Sam, but it's still possible that he might have done something morally questionable in an attempt to save Rebecca in the past that will be revealed later).

Kate involved us in this, knowing to some extent that it was dangerous. She regrets this but it doesn't change what she did. She's also involved others as well, (such as her friends), though she was probably less aware of the extent of the danger she was placing them in back then.

Joanne was willing to put us and Kate in harms way and break the law in order to save her brother. Once again, she regrets this to an extent but it doesn't change the fact that she did it.

And Wooly... I'm not sure whose side he's on but it's probably not ours and his hands are definitely not clean either but this is Amanda's post and I'm not discussing him here.

In short, I kind of dislike how the fandom tends to downplay the character's actions and moral greyness. Even though they are not bad people they are still flawed and made mistakes. Actually I consider most of the bad things these characters did to somewhat be mistakes. Mistakes driven strongly by emotion and personal connection to the situation. Kate wanted to save Rebecca. Joanne wanted to save Jordan. Amanda wants to save herself. All of these motivations are justified. But when put in a situation with high emotion, mistakes and bad choices can be made. None of these characters are incapable of doing harm. None of them are safe from the consequences of their choices and errors. None of them are perfect and all are flawed.

But that's why I love Amanda the Adventurer. This isn't a story of good vs evil. It's regular people who are flawed but well-meaning vs big cooperation that has ill intent.

IDK if what I'm saying makes any sense. I just wanted to join in the conversation and share my take on it. Hope you enjoyed reading this post.

[serenasoutherlyns]

have my cake/eat it too

Cabenson, mature. ao3

Alex Cabot was going to drive her insane. She knew it must be happening, but she didn’t need to see it with her own two eyes. Alex at the bar next to some woman, Olivia couldn’t place where she recognized her from. She had dark features-- like Olivia herself. Alex wore that blue silk dress that exposed just the right amount of skin, her collarbones, her elegant shoulders. She had worn that dress on a particularly enjoyable date. She had her hair curled and pulled half back. Olivia felt her ears burn, and left. Whatever, right? It’s not like she owned her. Technically, they weren’t even together, right now. It wasn’t like Olivia wasn’t doing it too. She still felt sharp, twisting anger.

Callie was a journalist she knew. She had short brown hair that was showing early signs of gray at the temples. Shorter than Olivia, and curvy. Olivia called her and was unsurprised at her immediate answer, nor how she came over within the half-hour. Olivia kissed her with energy, nipping, sucking. Callie matched her intensity all night and left as fast as she came. Olivia couldn’t help falling asleep with Alex’s lithe body filling her head. It made her sick.

---

At work, she tried her best to act normal, professional. Alex was cold and simple in their conversations: did you get the file, what did the suspect’s lawyer say, good job on the witness stand. Olivia was similar. Despite this, there was a simmering tension that Munch picked up on. What was going on, he wanted to know. Olivia brushed it off as nothing. Munch was less than satisfied. What’s more, Alex didn’t stop driving her crazy. Olivia found herself nearly salivating at Alex’s tight sweaters and the way she would tuck her hair behind her ears, at the click of her heels on the cement floors of the precinct. She wanted her so bad. But they weren’t together. Right now. It was just too complicated-- they had agreed on this.

It was good to know she still had it, Olivia thought, after picking up a stranger at the lesbian bar one night. The woman was tall and blonde, but Olivia justified it with the fact that they looked nothing alike in the face. Olivia was on autopilot, this time, her mind swimming with Alex, Alex, Alex.

---

They couldn’t avoid working late together forever. Olivia couldn’t help herself: she brought it up.

“I saw you, at Penelope’s. With a woman,” Olivia mentioned in a quiet moment. Alex sighed back.

“I thought we were sticking to work at work,” was her reply.

“It’s not like we talk outside of work,” Olivia said.

“That’s true. Why do you care that I had drinks with a woman?”

“I think you could guess, Alex.”

“We’re not together, Olivia.” Olivia looked at her with what she could only imagine was seething anger, because Alex seemed taken aback for a moment, then she smiled. “You agreed, it’s too complicated.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t need to see it.”

“It’s not like I meant for you to,” said Alex, laughing with indignation.

“I mean, she looked like me, Alex, just say you want me back.”

“No,” said Alex. “Now can we get back to work?”

“Fine,” said Olivia, “fine.”

She didn’t mean for Rollins to be one of them, but she was unsurprisingly insistent and tipsy when she called, and Olivia was just horny enough to let her come over. She wondered if it had been a spur of the moment decision for the other detective or if she had a crush. She didn’t care that much. So much for limiting complications, so much for not sleeping with her coworkers-- whatever. Things would be fine, they were both adults.

The woman was surprisingly gentle, though clumsy. Olivia got her into bed giggling. A reddish-purple spot bloomed on Amanda’s neck, and Olivia found she didn’t regret it. Amanda wore a comfortable-looking gray turtleneck to work the next day, and they shared a little knowing glance.

---

Jack McCoy was running for reelection again, and Olivia wasn’t surprised to get an invite to the big fundraiser downtown. The campaign rented some big hotel ballroom. It was a little gauche, but that was to be expected. She appreciated the excuse to dress up a little, and the excuse to bring a date. Amanda was as easy as anyone else. They had talked about their rendez-vous, and decided to leave it at once, but she didn’t mind her company for a night out. She really didn’t regret it when she saw the scowl on Alex’s face when she saw the two of them sharing a joke.

“Counselor,” said Amanda, who knew nothing about the situation, beyond rumors. “Bad hors d'oeuvres?” Those cop manners, Olivia cursed.

“Hi, Detective,” Alex said curtly, not answering her question. “How are you doing?” The words were cold and slicing. Olivia got some satisfaction out of it. Jealousy was a two-way street, it seemed.

“I’m alright,” said Amanda. “Liv tried to class me up for the night.”

“I see that,” said Alex.

“It didn’t take,” said Amanda, “it usually doesn’t.” She let out her charming grin, and Alex’s expression soured even further.

“I think you look lovely,” said Olivia, playing into the game. She almost saw Alex roll her eyes. “Darling.”

“Well, nice to see you, detectives,” Alex said before pretending to see someone across the room and striding off with purpose. Olivia watched her walk away.

“What the hell is her deal?” Amanda asked her when she was (barely) out of earshot.

“Oh,” said Olivia, “my guess is bad hors d'oeuvres.”

---

Olivia pulled Alex in by her waist, kissed her with intention, though languidly, lips moving slowly, enjoying every millimeter of her, every little movement. Alex moaned softly, and it sent a shiver through Olivia. Alex’s soft hands interlaced behind Olivia’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer, letting Olivia’s tongue into her mouth, exploring the familiar space eagerly. They dropped down onto the couch and their hands roamed more, eventually, Olivia’s hand was hot under Alex’s shirt, feeling urgently. Alex moaned again, louder this time, and Olivia needed the fabric gone. Without even telling her to, Alex pulled the thin v-neck over her head. Olivia kissed her shoulder, then looked up, making eye contact with her, admiring her kiss-swollen lips and glassy eyes.

Her alarm went off. Olivia blinked in the early morning dark. She couldn’t shake it off all day.

---

Olivia was incensed. This was her coffee shop, she had been the one to introduce Alex to it. And here she was, with Abbie Carmichael. How dare she, honestly. Olivia was just trying to enjoy her Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t even some stranger like last time, but someone they both knew. She must be visiting from Washington. Olivia didn’t want to talk to them, but Abbie stopped her.

“Liv, hey,” she said in that raspy drawl of hers, “long time no see.”

“Abbie,” Olivia said, trying to keep the contempt out of her voice. “It’s nice to see you.” Alex was staring into her mug like it was going to tell her what to do. “How’s Washington?”

“Busy,” said Abbie with a laugh. “Crazy.”

“Better to be busy than idle,” Olivia said. Alex looked up. Her face was pink.

“That’s what my mother says,” said Abbie. “We should get drinks while I’m here.”

“That sounds like a great time,” said Olivia. “Well, nice to see you two,” said Olivia, and waved. As she left, she shot a look back at the table. Alex had a hand on her forehead.

---

“Olivia, can I talk to you?” Alex asked that Monday. Olivia expected it to be work, but it wasn’t. Alex walked into her office and crossed her arms in front of her. “What the fuck is your problem, Olivia?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, fake-oblivious.

“Bullshit,” said Alex. “You know I wasn’t even on a date with Abbie? That was just friendly. You embarrassed me in front of a friend, it was so out of line!” Alex’s voice was a whisper but she may as well have been yelling.

“Out of line is you interrogating my date at the fundraiser,” said Olivia.

“Yeah, because you were being so mature.” Olivia scoffed at her.

“Why do you even care?” Said Olivia. “What’s your problem, Alex?”

“You’ve been trying to make me jealous.”

“I haven’t, but good to know that you are,” said Olivia. At that moment she realized they were inches away from each other. Her eyes flitted to Alex’s lips, then her eyes, briefly to her hands. She opened her mouth to talk, but was cut off by Alex kissing her. It was a quick but intense kiss. They were lucky it was late because Alex’s blinds weren’t closed. Olivia pulled her in again and Alex let out a muffled mmph sound.

“You’re,” said Alex breathily, pulling back, “You’re infuriating.”

“Then go,” said Olivia. “If I piss you off so bad.”

“It’s my office,” said Alex.

“True,” said Olivia, who dropped Alex’s hand and turned to go. Alex gripped her stronger. “Do you want me?” said Olivia, her tone a mile away from moments ago.

“Desperately,” said Alex. “Do you know how, how mad I’ve been?” She laughed a little.

“I think I have some idea,” said Olivia.

---

“So, do you think it’s too complicated still?” said Alex in the morning.

“No,” said Olivia, “I think you’re worth any complication.”

“Sap,” said Alex, kissing her shoulder.

“What time is it?” Olivia asked. Alex rolled over to look at the clock.

“7:30,” she said.

“Good,” murmured Olivia, “plenty of time.”

[im-all-out-of-ideas]

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds s2 ep5

our first truly comedic episode of season 2 and i think they knocked it out of the park. the idea of a character of mixed heritage experiencing a splitting of their two sides isn't a new one (look at B'elanna) but doing it with Spock is absolutely something that TOS might've done and i'm shocked it isn't already an episode from the time.

the involvement of T'pring and her family (!!!) is definitely the right choice for this kind of plot. the montages of Spock experiencing human puberty and having to readjust as best he can to his old standards were hilarious. T'pring's mother and father were great, both from a dramatic and a comedic standpoint. i especially love the opportunity we have to let Spock express his anger and frustration at being treated as horribly as he is by his own planet. it was extremely cathartic.

Chapel was also amazing in this episode as i have come to expect from Bush. she plays vulnerability so well and her unwillingness to face her emotions for Spock isn't frustrating, it's just engaging. her arc with the fellowship was also a nice addition. T'pring's frustration with how Spock continues to treat her is also extremely justified and it explains how we get to the point of them being so distant by the point of Kirk's command.

then that leads to the second ever legitimate cliffhanger in the series so far and the implications of Spock and Chapel actually being intimate with each other. i feel confident in the writers to pull us back to the cold distance they eventually have in TOS, but every step along the way just makes the original context even richer.

Peck's Spock deserves the most praise in being able to embody the same entity on two wildly different spectrums of acting. it makes me wonder how Nimoy might've done this episode, though i have no doubt he could've pulled it off just as well. it is also a great episode for recognizing Amanda as Spock's mother and human side, as well as her own person being a human on Vulcan and ostracized by vulcans.

overall, a great comedy episode and very fun for me to watch. surprisingly heartfelt in the right moments. an entry worthy of the green tunic.

[apprenticestanheight]

Never Again, and Never By Choice - Chainshipping

okay!! two days into july and I'm posting the fic that was supposed to come out in June but didn't bc I also happened to learn how to make hexagon cardigans in june and that pretty much mostly swallowed me whole. I'm taking a break from crocheting, however, until I can find a job and buy loads of yarn ahead of needing to make people christmas gifts and the like, so hopefully this month will genuinely be productive.

Fic type - this is a balance between fluff and hurt/comfort that tilts more in the

Warnings - there are a few mentions of sex and sex related things! Enough are in the fic for me to say that this fic is for an audience of 18+, minors do not interact! Some of (most, if not all) occur in tandem with references to weed, and a lot of the fic deals with weed use, including using weed to self medicate for things like anxiety. There are also depictions of PTSD symptoms and some are talked about in depth or mentioned a few times, like Adams fear of the water being so bad that he can't get himself to shower unless he follows a hyperspecific routine. Adam is v e r y knowledgable about the things he uses to self medicate so there are some specifics about the weed type he usually smokes, and this differs from canon in that gabriela doesn't die and john is at least alive until 2006-ish. strahm also survives, as does lynn, mark, and amanda.

When Amanda rescues Adam from the trap, the initial feelings are confusion and anger. He'd not known it was her until the memory hit him a weeks out from his time in the hospital, and by then, the confusion and the anger had shifted into resentment. Not particularly at his circumstances or at her, but at John Kramer, at life as a whole.

They're stupid things to be angry about, even if one is entirely justified. How he manages to be pissed off at life, at the world, over the actions of another person, mystifies him for a long time.

He keeps his anger at John under wraps even after he's agreed to become one of Johns apprentices, one of Jigsaws disciples. It's boiling, it'll burn you if you touch it and it'll scald you if you dare even think about getting too close, but he lets it dull into a simmer as the years go by.

His anger, his spite, and the money John provides him for the photos he takes are enough to make him let his anger turn into something less than it was initially, and in late December, when he finds himself reeling after taking a photo of a headless body in Mexico, he wonders why he does it.

There's, of course, the obvious answer--each job he does gets him around $500, and the most recent of the lot came for double the price plus the remainder of the cost of Gabrielas plane ticket. The condition was, Adam flew down to Mexico and first talked to Gabriela, tried to convince her to join their mission. When it'd worked, Adam bought her the last available ticket on his flight back to Jersey and was met with $1000 wired to an offshore bank account that Adam would transfer directly to his regular bank a day or two after once again arriving on Jerseys shores.

All in all, taking a few photos and dropping them at the local police station while wearing nondescript clothes, not speaking a word, and shrinking in on himself in a way that made him look like your average Joe to the cameras that were undoubtedly watching had yielded just barely more than $1100.

Thanks to a couple extra sets of hands--namely, Detective Mark Hoffman, Agent Peter Strahm, Amanda Young, Lynn Denlon, and Lawrence fucking Gordon himself--things were quick, and Adam was making a decent amount of money by doing the jobs John had given him every week-ish, if not every three or four days.

John chose the people, Amanda, and Hoffman abducted them, Lynn and Strahm set up the traps, and Lawrence handled the medical side of said traps. Gabriela had started with helping setting traps up initially but had since been the one who recorded the casette tapes of that stupid fucking puppet, and Adam had been the one who took the photos from the beginning.

All in all, Adam didn't totally hate his role in it--it meant, while he'd occasionally brush hairs with Amanda, Hoffman, Strahm or Lynn, he'd never really seen or talked with Lawrence.

He misses Lawrence like hell, if he's being honest with himself, but--it's better they don't talk.

Not until at least a bit of time has passed, even though Adam is a little miffed at the idea of reaching out to Lawrence on the anniversary of one tragedy to be like "hey, old friend! Remember when we spent nine hours in a bathroom together, right before you sawed off your own foot and crawled away, leaving me for dead? Amanda stole my shirt from evidence and even though I've washed it, the bloody handprint you left stained the shirt and I entirely lack the heart to put some peroxide or bleach to an otherwise perfectly good piece of clothing." Which would, in the process, be a direct reminder of another.

He doesn't see Lawrence, and he only acknowledges that he misses him on the nights he chooses to be honest with himself or the days wherein he chooses the same.

Adam just--he does what John needs him to do. He takes the money John gives him after a job, makes sure he has enough to make the rent of the crappy apartment he lives in, and he makes sure he has groceries that will feed him and keep him full.

Gabriela occasionally tags along on the jobs, and all that to say brings him to the very beginning of September 2005. It's the first day of the month, Gabriela has decided to tag along because she's finished setting up the traps for the insurance broker they're going to put through the ringer after the traps have been tested a few times, and she's keeping Adam company because she's one of the four or five people he talks to in his day-to-day, and she's apparently worried.

She's talking about how Lynn needed her to help because Strahm had been busy with Mark cleaning up the messes that they, as the apprentices, left behind. Adam is zoning in and out as he snaps one photo after the next, all of which pertain to the crime scene and all of which will be dropped off at the nearest police precinct once they've developed fully.

He knows he has to visit John today, too--John wants to have a chat, apparently. He's having these little chats with everyone, which is something Adam picks up from Gabriela at a point in their interactions when he's zoned in. He'd started with Amanda, then went to Lawrence, then to Strahm and Lynn and then to Gabriela. She'd joked he was saving the best for last and skipping the worst, like a parent refusing to acknowledge the child they'd silently disowned.

It's when she brings up Lawrence that he brightens up like a goddamned Christmas tree--his ears and cheeks go lightly pink with embarrassment as soon as he's registered the way that his head snaps up when his name falls off her lips.

"Amanda and Lynn were talking about it," she says when she notices his face. "Lynn joked that the two of you needed couples therapy. You two haven't talked since Lawrence left you, and--Amanda thinks it's killing you piece by piece. She's right, isn't she?"

Gabriela is only ten months younger than he is, and while he appreciates having an apprentice in their little group who's about as close in age to him as she can get, it's not always the best thing for his mental health.

"You too?" He asks. "And I thought hearing it from Amanda, Lynn, Hoffman, and Strahm every other damn day was bad enough. Now you're in on it?"

He takes the last photo and pivots on his feet, heading for the exit as Gabriela laughs.

"You two do have something weird going on," she says.

"How can we?" Adam rebuts. "It's been four years, almost, and we haven't spoken at all."

"Thats what it is," Gabriela responds. "It's that--you care about him, clearly, or at least enough to think of him once every week. Lawrence, though, he does care, too. He's apparently more vocal about his caring than you are, but Amanda says he's always been the more open type. She says he's "less apt to have reservations about the people he works with, and he lets his feelings just exist in the open.""

Adam laughs. "That sounds nothing like him," he wonders, for a minute, if he really has the authority to say something like that. He hasn't talked to Lawrence in four years just about, even if he has thought about him multiple times a day, every single day, since they last spoke.

"Well--Amanda wanted me to tell you his new phone number is in the phone book," she says. "If you wanna give him a call, maybe give him a few minutes of your time to ease both your mind and his."

Adam shakes his head. "You headin' back around to your hotel? I gotta pay John a visit and then get these photos printed and developed. How much longer til you get to head back to your place?"

"The hotel stay is for the next two days, while they clear the infestation out of the units. I'm gonna grab some food and then go to the hotel, all this walking has made me hungry."

Adam snorts. "You need a ride? Your hotel is like, ten minutes east of Johns place."

She shakes her head, but hugs him anyway. "Thank you," she says. "But I'm gonna walk the way to the restaurant, build up more of an appetite and then get something good for supper."

He hugs her back, lets himself acknowledge just how much he's needed her friendship these past few years. She's kept him sane for a good bit, and without her, he's half sure he'd have killed himself by now.

They go their separate ways, Adam going to his car and heading to Johns while Gabriela went to grab food and then go home.

Johns place is also, coincidentally, Amandas place. He's living in her apartment and she's taking care of him in the last of his days. Adam suspects Johns not got long left, and he knows that this visit could very well be their last.

John is, surprisingly, well enough to be sat up in his wheelchair. He's got a black jumper on that looks to be a few sizes too big, and what of his hair remains has gone completely white. His eyes are pale, his skin the same color, and generally, John looks like what he is, someone fast-tracking it on the highway to hell.

"I thought it important to have you here to discuss this arrangement," John says. He invites Adam further into the room--he's leaned against the door, while John is sat by his desk and in front of the window, curtains open to a surprisingly sunny day while Jersey rides out the coattails of summer.

Adam steps in, walking until he can sit in the desk chair to Johns left. John tells him to do so, and he does.

"You and I have an arrangement that allows you to be given a certain amount of money for every job you do," he says. "If you weren't lying to me when you told me the time you'd handle doing said job today, you should've just arrived from having finished up there. I have arranged through the correct, most trusted of my channels to ensure that our arrangement can continue for half a decade, at minimum, after my passing, on one condition."

Adam has the decency to fight his grimace, even though he loses.

"Don't worry, Adam," he says. "It doesn't mean you'll be getting any more involved with things than you already are. It, actually, pertains to your trap-mate, Lawrence Gordon."

Adam shakes his head. "Whatever it is, I can always find something different to do other than what I've been doing."

"Adam, I'm not asking for much," John says in that diplomatic tone that used to make Adam punch-a-hole-in-the-wall type angry. It's eased into a scream-into-a-forest level anger, though not by too much as the years have passed them both by. "Just--call him. It's been four years since, almost. Amanda and I have tried time and time again, but he's convinced we're as deluded as he is. He thinks you're dead."

"Almost was," Adam says before he can stop himself. "I mean--could you not have sent Amanda in before I'd been stuck in the dark for a week?"

"We're all entitled to our mistakes from time to time," John shrugs. Adam has the brain to hate that remark--people who've dared make mistakes in his line of sight, even ones so minimal as smoking a cigarette while leaned against an alley wall, have died or been severely maimed for it, but John gives himself the courtesy to make a mistake like it's nothing. Typical. "Call him. I have no method of verifying that you'll have called by the end of my life, but if you lie to Amanda, she'll know and she'll tell me you lied to her."

Adam purses his lips. Of course Amanda would know he's not the greatest liar.

"I'll call," Adam resents how quick he is to give in, but he needs the money. That money has his rent paid off in full within the first two weeks of the month because of how frequently traps are coming and going, how many new victims John has within a week despite only having maybe a hundred survivors in total, less than 1/3rd of that group willing to tell their tales.

John smiles knowingly. "I know you will," he says. "Have you yet moved out of your apartment? The one with the cockroaches?"

Adam sighs. "Workin' on that," he says. "My buddys gonna let me sublet his place starting on the one year anniversary of the trap, he's moving down to LA so that he can try to legitimise his band or something like that--I'm assuming I won't be put back in chains for admitting I hadn't really listened when he offered to sublet his 1000 a month apartment for less than half the cost."

John shakes his head. "You have a good rest of your day, Adam," he says. "The payment for todays job will get to you by the end of this week."

Adam gets up, leaves the apartment and drives back home. One part of him wants to shower the odd feeling off of himself as he gets into his car, but he knows he can't do that without having a breakdown. It's been four fucking years of not being able to do it without losing his mind, why would it be any different that time around?

--

A few days later, the night before the four year anniversary of their trap, Adam calls. Lawrence picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey," Adam greets tiredly. It's seven and he's prepping a bowl so that he can smoke, jerk off til the memories blur and it's Lawrence he's thinking about, then eat half of the oreos in the sleeve he'd picked up from the convenience and conk out at around 10:30 only to wake up, still high but reeling from a nightmare at around two in the morning. "Uh--this is Adam Stanheight. I found your number in the phone book."

"Adam," Lawrences voice sounds relieved. Incredibly so. "Hi. It's been a bit."

"Four years, thereabouts," he says. "Look--I was thinking, maybe we could grab dinner or something? I've gotta move into my new place tomorrow and get that stuff sorted, but if you want, there's a couple good spots around ten minutes out from it by foot."

"Yeah," Lawrence nods. "Tomorrow works--give me a place and I'll meet you there for eight?"

"I was thinking Lilahs--it's a great, sit-down style restaurant that has deals on most of their menu all the time. My mom knows the owner and I've eaten there a few times, it's really good food. I dunno if you drive, but I can pick you up if you need me to."

"I drive," Lawrence says. "Lilahs?"

"Lilahs Diner," Adam nods. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, at eight?"

"You most certainly will."

Adam licks his lips, finishes prepping his bowl and scrounges around his jeans pocket until he finds the lighter as he waits for Lawrence to speak again.

"Adam, are you still there?"

"Don't tell me you've got more to say?" He wants Lawrence to have more to say, but the sarcasm is easier than not these days. "Go ahead, if you do. Spit it out."

Lawrence laughs, and Adam swallows thickly--it sounds like it comes out easy, like he's laughed so much and found so much joy in things since their trap that none of it is difficult for him anymore.

"It just--it's really good to hear your voice, is all. I've missed it, and I've missed you."

"Damn you, Lawrence," he laughs dryly. "It's seven o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm trying to prep a bowl, but you and your sentimental ass are gonna make me cry where I stand in this kitchen."

"Well, I can't help it," Lawrence answers simply. "I'm a sentimental ass from time to time. Are you helping John still? I hear whispers about it from Amanda on occasion."

Adam snorts. "Yeah, lets not talk about that on the phone. I'll have to smoke two bowls if we do, and even though I'm going to have to smoke two anyway, I'd really rather space them out by at least six hours so that I have time for the first high to wear off."

Lawrence laughs again. Adam has a terrifying moment, a terrifying thought, that he could drown in the sound of it and die happily in the process.

"All right," Lawrence says. "Tomorrow night. Lilahs Diner. Eight on the dot."

Adam nods. "Tomorrow night, Lilahs, eight," he says. "Goodbye, Lawrence."

He hangs up before Lawrence has the chance to respond, grabs his bowl and his lighter and heads out onto his fire escape.

He smokes, jerks off until the memories blur and all he can think about is how Lawrences hands would feel draped against his hips, holding them loosely, and falls asleep for half past midnight, after he's eaten the entire oreo sleeve and somehow managed to cook a frozen pizza successfully and subsequently, eaten it in it's entirety.

-

For the first time in four years, Adam wakes up after getting eight hours of sleep, which does mean eight hours of nightmares, but he decides he's fine with it as he brushes his teeth, narrowly avoiding getting his hands wet because the fear of water is at it's worst when he's fresh off of a night like that one.

He spends his morning getting what little of his life he didn't donate or take to the dump into his car, putting the total of four boxes and two heavy weight garbage bags worth of clothes into the backseat of his car and the trunk.

His mother gives him the couch his father had hated and Scotts left behind a tv, coffee table, rocking chair and all of his bedroom furniture because they weren't his taste, so all Adam has to do is change the sheets on the mattress to his own and wash and donate the other ones.

All in all, Adam is getting way more than he deserves out of that apartment even though he knows Scott probably thinks he'll sell most of it. He has no plans to sell most of it, though, and it's a hell of a lot more than he'd thought he'd be getting for a two bedroom priced at $350 a month.

He runs his only decent pair of black jeans and an appropriately casual button down through the wash once he figures out how the washer works, spends most of his day outside of that tidying up, unpacking the four boxes he'd brought along and making lists of things to grab in the coming weeks.

The list is mostly menial stuff--a few new pots and pans because the last set he'd owned had been older than he was, a few more mugs to compensate for just how lonely the Nespresso Scott had left behind looked sitting on the counter, some new bedding and a few books to fill up the bookshelves Scott had left either half empty or completely bare bones.

Come half-six, Adam goes through the motions of showering--it's a whole step-by-step process he's created over the years, a tried and true method that's been perfected as the time has gone on, though not always successful in the avoiding-a-breakdown part. He's out of the shower for around 7:20, spends the next twenty minutes taking a 1mg edible and waiting for it to kick in.

One milligram is so menial that it almost does nothing, except it does have it's pros--it takes just enough of the edge off for Adam to not loathe social interaction and for him to feel comfortable enough in his skin to not want to crawl out of it at the smallest inconvenience.

It takes the edge off in a way that makes him certain he'll be as close to normal as he was five years beforehand, a little standoffish and more than a little sarcastic, but well meaning and well mannered enough considering his traumas.

He leaves the house at 7:45 and is at Lilahs with five minutes still to spare.

Lilahs is exactly what it sounds like--a family owned, sit-down style restaurant. It caters to the lower-budget families and individuals in the broader Jersey area, and it's been Adams favorite spot to eat since it initially opened when he was sixteen.

It's got a rustic kind of feel to it--the hardwood flooring has been washed to a dark but-not-yet-black kind of brown colour, and the tables and seats match. There's local artwork hung up on the walls, a jukebox that feels so nineties it hurts and has exclusively 90s country and rock to match, and a bar at the back with a smiling bartender behind it.

Adam has a second where he remembers the last happy memory he has with his mother, her taking him to eat dinner there the night before he was kicked out by his father at seventeen.

The memory is quickly soured by the bitterness he'd felt the next day, grabbing everything he could fit into his backpack while his father screamed at him and his mother stood by his door, her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face. His father was a shit person, but his mother wasn't the greatest either, even if it's tough to remember as much when there are more positive memories than not. He's low-contact with her now too, something he's only been able to find peace with since she told him of her divorcing her father and mellowing out of her bitterness at him in the past little while.

Everything changes when he spots Lawrence, though--he's sat in a booth near the back, and he looks so good that Adam bounce\s between gobsmacked and jealous like he's sitting on alternating ends of a see-saw depending on the second.

His hair, though less blonde, has grown out just enough to be attractive to a point where Adam, dimly, feels woozy. He's cleaned up good--no stubble lines his face, though Adam knows he'd still be able to pull it off some-fucking-how, and he's dressed as close to casual as a person like him can get.

He's wearing a white button down with the top few buttons unbuttoned just enough to let his neck breathe, and the sleeves have been rolled up relaxedly to his elbows. He hasn't seen Adam yet, and Adam takes in what appears to be a mostly peaceful expression.

Adam makes his way over and slides into the seat across from him, smiling gently. "Hi," he greets.

Lawrences face breaks out into a grin. Adam wishes he'd agreed to meet with Lawrence four years earlier.

"Hello," he greets. "Been a while."

Adam nods. "Too long," he doesn't mean to say it, but it slips out, and fuck it if it isn't how he feels. "I'm sorry--I wanted to reach out, and I've been wanting to reach out for the last four years, but it was just too much. I couldn't deal with it at first. I still have trouble dealing with it."

There's the edible--making him a bit honest, a bit more willing to open up. He knows Lawrence won't pry too much, but is scared that, if he does, Adam will soften up like butter and say everything on his mind. The good, the bad, and the ugly all the same.

Lawrence shakes his head. "You don't owe me an apology," he says. "But--Amanda told me how long you'd been left to rot for, and I'm sorry about that. Nobody should ever be left in the dark that long." It was a week, but it'd felt like a year.

"You didn't leave me in the dark," Adam responds. "John did that, and he pays me so I think he's exempt from feeling guilt-- he probably thinks he is, too."

It makes Lawrence laugh, and Adams heart flutters in a way he chooses to ignore.

"So how've you been?" Adam asks, finally getting to a question that's at least a little easier to answer, a topic that doesn't hurt nearly as much to talk about.

"I've been good," Lawrence responds. "Things have been finalized for a bit, and I see my daughter two weekends a month and on holidays. I've had time to sort my shit out, start in therapy, and I like where things are in my life. You?"

Adam blinks--the last four years of his life have been shit.

"I've--it's--damn it, Lawrence," he laughs. "You sound so put together compared to me. I hit thirty next month and still, my life is shit. I just moved into a new apartment and therapy hasn't even been on my radar because I don't have insurance."

"I've been doing EMDR," Lawrence says. "It's designed to help you recover from trauma, and--I hate to say it because I was skeptical at first, but it's been a really big help."

Adam nods. "I'll keep that option on my radar," he says.

It's at this point that a waitress comes around, passes them menus and brings their odd small talk to a halt.

There comes a point, while they're looking at the menus, wherein Adam starts up with something sarcastic about John. In the end, he's glad for it because making the remark is like breaking a dam and watching the floodgates open, because that's all it takes for them to be like they were in the bathroom--Adam being sarcastic and Lawrence responding in kin.

The rest of the dinner follows that same formula. Adam is quick to settle into an almost abrasive kind of sarcasm and Lawrence is quick to respond in a way that makes Adams heart damn near rise out of his chest.

They're done with dinner at half past nine, and Lawrence offers to drive Adam home but Adam declines, wants to walk himself home so that he can conk out without thinking too much about Lawrence or how the dinner had gone.

And that he does--he gets home for quarter to ten, is out by ten thirty thanks to the edible finally doing what it does best.

-

A few days go by, and suddenly, it's the end of the week. Lawrence is spending the night at Adams because Adam has convinced him to smoke a joint with him, and Adam is thrilled by the prospect of seeing Lawrence stoned out of his mind.

"These joints are indica dominant," Adam explains. "They'll make you tired--they're like a superpowered melatonin, almost, if melatonin got you so stoned that you genuinely stopped believing time was real. These bad boys help me with nightmares more often than sativa. I'm not usually one for joints, but I figure this is either your first time ever indulging in weed or your first time in more than a decade, so joints would be easiest."

Lawrence smiles in a way that Adam can tell indicates Lawrence didn't expect him to be so knowledgeable about his self medication of choice, and the notion almost makes him laugh.

"A joint also takes longer to smoke, and edibles are torturous if getting high right out the gate is your game," Adam continues. "Edibles take anywhere from fifteen minutes to half an hour before they've kicked in, and I hate the waiting game unless i'm walking somewhere or have something to do. It makes me antsy, and then when the high does hit it doesn't flow naturally. For me, taking an edible without having something to do between here and there is one of the most frustrating things I've ever dealt with because the high just--it smacks me across the face when I've got nothing to do, nowhere to go, and am just sitting in front of my TV waiting."

Lawrence says nothing. Adam continues rolling the joint and rambles all the while.

"Joints, though? I don't really find they hit while I'm smoking 'em, but the second I step off the fire escape and come inside, they hit me whip quick. Bowls tend to have the same effect, but unlike bowls, joints keep me asleep longer. I haven't gotten a full eight hours of sleep without a full eight hours of nightmares in four years, but with a joint, I can sometimes nab eight hours and get two without nightmares when I get lucky."

They head out onto the fire escape, and Adam takes the first puff for the sake of mercy. When Lawrence takes the second, he coughs. Adam laughs, rubs his back and moves to sit with his back leaned against the rickety railing, across from Lawrence, who sits with his back leaned against the window that leads to the fire escape.

"Coughing happens," he says. "And the burn in your throat sucks, but I'll get you some water once we've smoked our way through the joint, and it'll help."

They smoke the joint in it's entirety, which ends with Adam laughing when he burns his fingers taking the last puff. However, Lawrence makes no move to go inside, just stares at the bleary mid-Septembers night sky with his mouth slightly open and his shoulders slumped.

"What's on your mind?" Adam asks.

"When John goes, do you think you're going to keep up with it?"

"I'll keep taking the photos until I either get caught or the money runs out," Adam says. "I've barely started to get my life together and I'm almost thirty, Larry. Unethical as this all might be, I've gotta pay rent for the next few years, and while I've been looking at getting my GED and going to college, college will put me so far in debt that I'm somewhat scared I won't be able to climb out of it."

"But don't you hate it?" Lawrence asks, meeting Adams gaze. His eyes meet Adams with a ferocity, the likes of which Adam has never seen in his life, but craves more of like it's one of the cigarettes he used to hold so dear. "I don't understand how you don't hate any of this."

Adam laughs before he can stop himself, crab-walks closer to Lawrence and rests his feet against Lawrences calves.

"I do," he says. "I hate John, I hate what he does and everything he's stood for since his diagnosis and quite possibly even beforehand, but--it's a job. I hated the stalking, but I still did it because I needed the money. This, for me, is no different. One payment every week-ish, I make rent in half the time it would've taken me to make it this time five years ago, and I still have money for groceries and other expenses. I hate it, but this is the first time I've lived in true comfort since I was a kid with a father that hadn't started hating me yet. I take it where I can get it, Lawrence."

"A person starved will eat anything," Lawrence says. "You've finally gotten a taste of luxury--"

"It's not luxurious by any means," Adam laughs. "Sorry to cut you off, but I've never lived like that. I went from a home with termites and a father owned by his bitterness to a variety of cockroach infested couches, then to an apartment so full of the fuckers you could hear them running through the goddamned walls. This place is the first decent place I've lived in throughout the course of my entire life, and yeah, the buddy whose subletting it to me left a lot of his shit behind, but he's an asshole without much care for me unless I can be of use to him, so it seems a fair trade to me."

Scott was his best friend for a time, had been such since elementary through to when he dropped out of high school and up until the trap. After Adam had escaped, he'd become so riddled by his trauma that it took him over, practically, for those first two years.

Scott had decided he'd not much wanted to deal with all of Adams baggage and had gone pretty low contact up until he'd decided to move, figuring Adam could use his old place after being stuck in the same apartment he'd been taken from.

It'd been one of the only things Scott had been completely and totally right about on a very short list of other victories, and Adam had been grateful for it from the get-go despite knowing his and Scotts conversations wouldn't likely be about more than the rent or random issues with the apartment he couldn't fix on his own, seeing as Scott was pretty much his landlord.

"Well--it's a nice place," Lawrence says.

"Yeah," Adam shrugs. "Back to the topic at hand, why ask? Are you not going to keep up with it? Keep doing it? I thought you'd believed in Johns mission."

Lawrence laughs. "It's complicated," he says. "I mean--the idea of it is understandable, I guess. The morals are questionable at best and despicable at worst, but I just don't know how ethical the execution is."

Adam moves further up, resting his feet against Lawrences thighs while making sure to not put his full weight on Lawrences right leg for the fear of irritating the stump one way or another.

"We get stoned and wind up talkin' about John Kramers ethics, hm? That's quite the interesting turn of events."

Lawrence shrugs. "I'm not going to have this conversation with anyone except for someone I can trust completely," his hands rest limply by Adams calves. Adam can tell by the flash of desire through Lawrences eyes that he wants to tug Adam closer.

Adam gets as close as he thinks Lawrence will be comfortable with--he sits in his lap, bends his knees and plants his feet by Lawrences hips. Lawrence seems entirely too happy to use Adams kneecaps as elbow rests, and he does.

"First off, you sayin' you trust me completely like that is--woah," Adam laughs before he can stop himself. As he laughs, he lets his arms find their resting places on Lawrences broad shoulders. "And secondly, I don't think the execution is ethical whatsoever. Matter of fact, if we're talkin' about how ethical this stuff is, it's the opposite. It's not ethical. I heard Amanda talking about putting a diabetic and a smoker in a trap last weekend. I wouldn't do that to a person just because they smoke cigarettes, but that's just me. To each their own, I guess."

Lawrence smiles. "I've been thinking about this for so long," he says. "Not--not this specifically, but just--oh my God. I've missed you a lot this past little bit."

Adam has to fight every single urge he has to kiss Lawrence. "I've wanted to reach out since I was rescued," he says. "Just couldn't. I couldn't pinpoint why for the longest time, but I realized the night I reached out, over the phone."

Lawrence nods. "I remember," he says. "When we agreed to meet for dinner."

Adam licks his lips, lets his gaze move to Lawrences.

"I realized that that day--hell, the time from the moment I woke up in that bathtub to the moment I was released from the hospital--felt like an open wound. That time of my life has felt like an open wound every single day since I left the hospital, every single day since John asked me to join his cause, and I couldn't bear messing with it. I just wanted to leave it to fester or to heal, deal with the implications until it did on it's own, but that's just not how things like this are meant to be handled," Adam says. "I'm gonna get myself into DSME--"

"EMDR," Lawrence corrects. "Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing."

"I'm gonna look into that," Adam says. "And--I'm gonna keep doing this. Keep talking to you, keep buggin' you whenever I can because it's the only way. I can't do this recovery shit alone, and it's been four years of trying and then failing and then trying again, and I'm sick of it."

Lawrence smiles softly. Adam gives into the urge to press his forehead against Lawrences, lets his hands go to Lawrences neck.

"All that I ask is this," Adam whispers. "Promise me you won't go anywhere?"

Lawrence licks his lips. Adam can feel Lawrences breathing against his mouth, is so close that he can almost taste what it'd feel like to have Lawrences lips against his own.

"I promise," he says. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not going to abandon you like that. Never again, and never by choice."

Adam doesn't know if it's the weed, or the exhaustion, or his own, unadulterated, unfiltered stupidity, but he leans in.

"Tell me if I'm reading this wrong," he whispers, praying to God that he's not.

"You're reading this just fine," Lawrence says.

Then his lips are against Adams, and Adam is so awestruck by it that he almost feels like he's flying. It's the best kiss he's ever had in his life, a statement he can make knowing damn good and well that it's not the weed talking but rather the way that Lawrences lips feel against his own, the sureness of his hands as they find Adams hips and the way he reacts when Adams hands instinctively trail right up Lawrences neck and into his gorgeous hair.

They don't pull away until they're breathless, and Adam wants more but knows better than to be greedy.

Lawrence chortles. "How long have you been wanting to do that?"

"Since I walked into the dinner, lightly stoned, and saw you in that white button up," Adam laughs, presses his forehead against Lawrences shoulder. "Oh, my God. You looked so good in that, y'know? Almost lost it. You looked so good it made me woozy."

"That might've been the weed," Lawrence says. "How much did you take?"

"Only one milligram," Adam responds. "Enough to soften me up a little, like when you set butter out on the counter for an hour or two when you're planning to bake and need the butter not to be as hard as a rock."

Lawrence laughs. Adam presses himself as close as he can get, cherishes the feeling of being that close after so long spent being literal miles apart in physicality but feeling an ocean apart in every other aspect.

Time passes. They sit outside, practically moulded together, and in silence. Adam catches himself zoning out just before he starts to doze, wonders briefly if they kept themselves that way until they starved to death, if he'd die happy to have been in Lawrences arms. As he thinks further on it, he realizes he would've died happily in the bathroom that day, if in a little bit of pain, if Lawrence had stayed and died with him.

"I think I'm in love with you," Lawrence whispers. "You're not the only one at fault for us not seeing each other sooner, and I think I was scared to admit it, but I know now that that's the reason why."

Adam smiles. "I love you too," he whispers back. "C'mon--inside. I'm tired, but I am not going to fall asleep with you on my fire escape."

He gets himself out of Lawrences lap and heads back in, Lawrence hot on his heels.

Adam strips, changes into a baggy pair of sweatpants and leaves himself without a shirt. Lawrence changes into a pair of basketball shorts and leaves the button-up he's wearing unbuttoned, and after Adam gawks at the view for a good few minutes, they cuddle up in bed together.

In the end, Adam sleeps for a solid fourteen hours, and for the first time in ages, he doesn't have any nightmares. Part of him thinks it's the high and another part of him thinks it's because of Lawrence, but he chooses, at the end of the day, to believe that it's both.

[bathroomtrapped]

you will probably murder me in a painful way for saying this (based on the anger you leashed out in the previous asks) but saw 1 should be a stand alone film all along. even leigh&james who wrote the first 3 films think like this because theyre not involved in making the rest 7(?) films.

im not sure what u mean by anger in the last one? i think i kind of just answered their question about the screenplay as thoroughly as i could. who knows im a know-it-all whos dogshit with tone so its entirely possible. the first, sure i see it. i think its p obvious by my acc that im passionate about saw lol. i could see the whole 'the idea of disagreeing w this statement is insane' or 'i have eyes' are a bit rude! but also consider, i exaggerate to prove a point and be a little silly. a little joke, even.

honestly im not sure why im being asked these questions? dont get me wrong, i definitely enjoy them. clearly, given how long my responses are. im not an authority on saw, but i AM someone who thinks hes right abt everything so i do have a lot of things to say about it. i never claimed to be polite or personable, which is why i tend not to post my opinions unprompted. not everyone agrees with me and i have some pretty controversial opinions but different opinions rarely bother me. though, mark x amanda is just kind of strange?

i know a few ppl who agree that the mark saga was not... the best. and people are upset that leighs wishes were ignored in order to continue making sequels. i know he wasnt too happy abt the extra tape and stuff, which makes sense bc this is their franchise, but if they were not happy with it... im not sure why they bankrolled the rest? theyre producers on all of them after the first iirc. leigh might not like hoffman, his bastard child, but he seems content with us enjoying it so thats fine by me. if they truly hated it, i dont think theyd attach their names to it. that just looks like an endorsement. i think theyre just content with us enjoying it, leighs never seen them and probably never will but that doesnt mean he thinks we shouldnt see them either

i think a lot of horror would benefit if people were able to do things like this with franchises after people are done with them. theyre not always for everyone but i think a lot of people are fond of horror sequels. theyre just kind of a genre staple and i like what the rest of the films contributed to the lore. imagine if every horror franchise had a more open patent, like great gatsby? i think itd allow for more creativity. horror as a genre has so much world building bc it has to justify sooo much suspension of disbelief which means theres usually a lot to work with! imagine michael myers as a free character. id love to see what other writers think of his whole "fear personified" thing. if we allow more leeway with horror and less criticism at its imperfection, i think ppld enjoy it more. theyre cunt, theyre camp, and theyre fun and i consider myself a guy who likes fun

my favorite saw film when i first got into it was saw v for about a month and a half. its basically been a year since then and i would sacrifice the other films in a heartbeat for saw 2004, but i think theyre neat

[dallasareaopinion]

Let’s open this can of worms, pro life versus pro abortion.

So did you catch the phrasing, some will say pro choice versus anti abortion. The way it is phrased automatically shows which side you fall on the debate. Or at the very least it is an interesting tell.

Everyone has an opinion and of late I am struggling with many others’ opinions. I recently read a piece by Amanda Marcotte titled: “Keep her legs closed!” Republicans are mad one of them said the quiet part out loud.

Her opening is that Republicans definitely want to punish women for having sex- but they don’t want voters to figure that out. And then ties her argument to the Dobbs v Jackson decision overturning Roe v Wade and then ties all this to the idea that all Republicans have a long standing dream of using forced child birth to punish women for having sex.

I seriously struggle with this over handed reach as to why people are against abortion. Could there be a few Republicans who fit her description? Probably, but to lump all people who believe that life begins at conception and many of us truly believe all life should be protected is definitely reaching. The actual definition of pro life is the respect and dignity of life from conception to natural death. And yes there are some politicians who are pro life for political expediency, not because they have true understanding or belief in what it means to be pro life. Yet for Ms. Marcotte to espouse this monstrous definition that all of us want to punish women for having sex is absurd. And as always I do need to say I am not a Republican, but an independent conservative, but for her purposes I do not think she worries about that difference.

We have too much extremism in this country as it is, so to lump everybody in one category to brand everyone sex haters to me is an extreme position. And I am being a bit short on purpose.

The pro life pro choice argument is one of the most difficult discussions to have in this country. So her choosing the verbiage “…punish women for having sex” or me calling her opinion monstrous does not do the debate any favors. Yet we, as humans, all fall into this emotional trap when we try to discuss topics we have hard opinions. And this debate is top of the list in this country for rousing our deepest angers.

I truly believe that life begins at conception so I struggle with the concept of pro choice. Yet I am not here to say women or men cannot have sex. I wouldn’t be here without it. And should it be considered that if we believe in the dignity of life from conception to natural death, where do we draw the line at natural death? Is a women suffering in child birth a reason to have an abortion to save her life? That is a damn good and difficult question to answer. The choice between saving one of two lives is a struggle for mankind in general much less for one doctor that has about thirty seconds to make a decision. So I believe we should not condemn any one for making that choice either way.

Yet where do the nuances become an easier choice? Well, that depends if you say, pro life or pro choice. So that leads back to the circular arguments that each side will make to justify their decision. And most of us tend to be birds of a feather that flock together. The vast majority of my friends are pro life so I would tend to use our arguments in a discussion with someone who is pro choice. And I will say unequivocally we are right. Life begins at conception. So how do you explain dignity of life until natural death and for the unborn child that dignity exists and it is up to us to protect their life since they cannot.

Some will argue that since an unborn child cannot exist outside the womb that allowing a woman to choose to make decisions regarding her body preempts the life argument. And honestly I may have missed the exact argument there so if you want to clarify it, please do in the comments, just be respectful to the debate and not use emotions.

And Ms. Marcotte’s article does not immediately reference a religion argument, yet she heavily attacks the general concept that all or most Republicans (again not the verbiage pro lifers, but Republicans, I am curious as to why) and specifically calls out a State Senator in New Jersey, Sen. Durr who apparently said “a women does have a choice, keep her legs closed” which seems to have set her head on fire and inspired her to write her piece. And apparently this State Senator had liked some other anti woman phrasing. Yet if she really wants to make headway this anger fueled post is not going to change any minds. And as I said earlier this national debate is one we struggle with mightily with entrenched opinions And we all know how difficult it can be to change an opinion. I once wrote a short story to try and create a way around the debate and to change people’s hearts. For true pro lifers we know that this is not a debate, but an understanding of the value of life and to get people to understand this we need to change what is in the heart. And yes we struggle when people who call themselves pro lifers stick their foot in their mouth ie the above referenced Senator. Yet I feel that Ms. Marcotte needs to be called out for lumping the entire pro life debate into a false narrative to vent her anger with one person or a few people who truly do not represent what it means to be pro life.

We know we are human and have faults. And maybe all our are arguments aren’t perfect, but we believe that people should be engaged with each other, believe women have the right to choose who their partners are and to engage with them sexually. We know that saying keep your legs closed is not the answer. We were or are young. We know we can make mistakes, yet to vilify us for I think reasons not stated is beyond the pale.

In the Gospels there is the story of the woman about to be stoned due to accusations of adultery. Jesus steps in and calls out everyone there, saying those who have not sinned cast the first stone. And then they all leave and I love this part, starting with the elders.

Not one of us is perfect, but that is one of the main reasons to be pro life. We need to treat each other with dignity and respect until our natural death. Sure our politicians could do better in helping with adoption laws, better healthcare programs for young and old, leading by example and not denigrating each other, and so much more, but to arbitrarily attack a group of people using labels because a few people present a false front is not an answer to solving this debate or more hopefully to a change of heart. Until then as pro lifers we need to remember we are not perfect and cannot lecture or berate especially us elders. That will do more for the change of heart for people who call themselves pro choice than any argument. Maybe one day Ms. Marcotte will be able to see beyond what is fueling her anger to get to the real answer.

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[From the moment I met Amanda, I couldn't shake the feeling that she deserved better than a loser, good for nothing guy like me. Sure, when we first me, she made me think I was worth more than I actually was. She gave me hope that I could be more than the worthless piece of crap my father told me on a daily basis that I was. My father had convinced me that I was a nobody, that I would amount to nothing, and whoever was in my life would end up with a ruined life because of me. Of course I'd like to convince myself that I never listened to my father, because I knew he only spoke to me that way out of anger and resentment that I wanted nothing to do with him, my brothers, or their unsavory business practices. Thing was though, as Amanda spoke now, I knew my father's words had apparently made a bigger impact in my mind set and self-esteem than I ever realized. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew my father was right in the fact that Amanda deserved better than a nobody like me, and if she remained in my life, she'd never have the life she dreamed of, because like my father pointed out on a daily basis, I was going nowhere. I'd ruin her life like I was destined to ruin my own. I silently considered. My expression remained even as Amanda balled up her fist and collided it with my chest. I deserved that and more. She was angry and hurt that I had pushed her away, and I knew she had every right to be. I took her choice away from her, which wasn't fair to her. Still, I justified that I did it because I loved her... I pushed her away because I didn't want her to remain on a sinking ship that was my life and worth, even if she didn't see it that way] Hit me. Yell at me. Do and say whatever you need to because I know I deserve it. Whatever my reasoning or what I meant to be with best intentions, you have every right to be angry at me. Just to be clear though, in spite of what you might think, I never stopped loving you. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about you, Amanda. I just wanted you to have the best chance at the life you deserved. [I shrugged slightly in a sheepish sort of response. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to grab her and pull her into my arms, but I couldn't. I knew I lost the right and chance to hold her in a warm, secure, protective, and loving embrace] You're right though... I shouldn't have let my father's views of me get to me. He saw me as garbage and after awhile, I let him convince me that he was right. That's on me, I know, because you're right, I should have fought for us. What's done is done. I screwed up, and I know I can't fix what I broke, or make up for the hurt I caused you, but for what it's worth, I am sorry, Amanda. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted.

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[tibby]

truly insane to think about how even in all her justified anger and hatred and grief lynn still thought amanda was not only capable of being saved but also worthy of it...wanting to kill amanda but also wanting her to live...wanting to see who she was underneath all the rage and trauma and heartbreak...desperately trying to change the ending of both their stories but the final act had already been written...in another life in another place in another time maybe things could have been different, could have been better but also. there is no other way they could have met.

[bonsai-babies]

a journey that probably won't ever be, pt I. Tory

When Tory arrived in the series, we were shown that she was filled with anger and frustration. She was a girl who presented herself as this tough individual, she didn't back down against Miguel, she took the challenges head on, and she wasn't apologizing for anything.

We learn about her motivations, her awful economic situation, and her terrible home life. Her anger and her toughness were rightfully justified. Anger at the unfairness of her predicament. Toughness as a way to survive.

Suddenly all of that is thrown against Samantha LaRusso who represented the mirrored version of herself. Sam had a stable home, stable income, and safety. To Tory, this girl who had everything was stealing from her, from her who already had so, so little. And all of that sent her bubbling anger to explode.

Sam became a living symbol she could punch and hurt. She could take this someone who she judged deserving of punishment for all of the unfairness of her situation, and have her pay, again and again.

The dehumanization of this rich girl fueled her violence.

A dehumanization that was costful.

Things started to change when the one-dimensional view of who she thought her enemies were got challenged. Amanda got her to realize they weren't necessary foils. And that Sam was not simply a symbol against her. Maybe not a symbol against her at all.

Tory's feelings towards Samantha LaRusso were proven to have grown by her reaction at the All Valley. Kicking Sam down wasn't pleasant anymore. She didn't crave to hurt that right girl again. Oh, and Sam wasn't the rich girl now, she was Sam. A person.

We won't get to see Tory's psychological journey, but we might get some tips that it's happening. Our first tip in S5 was her choice to come to Sam and tell her the truth. It wouldn't work, of course, but she made that choice. To Tory had already grown past her own anger, so she didn't understand why Sam was acting like she was a monster. But Tory still must realize that just because she has grown past that anger, it doesn't mean that her actions during that violent period were forgotten or healed.

I believe Tory will learn that she caused deep pain. She'll realize that it will take a lot of mending to get treated. It may not even be healed for good. Tory might come to admit her mistakes and apologize for lashing out, which I don't believe the script will give us but is a key event for her journey. She's maturing from those basic intense emotions that so often take people over the edge.

Having her experience the girl she hurt the most coming to her rescue without a second thought -- a girl who still suffers intense trauma from her actions -- unapologetically providing protection, could be the final straw on shattering the rivalry her heart sustained for all that time.

[ichayalovesyou]

Please stop making up problems about fictional alien cultures ❤️ they arent humans, and bonding isnt marriage. Vulcans dont even have marriage so please stop judging it like that? They can also break the bond when they get older. They make arranged bondings because it is logical to make sure your child has a mate come pon farr. Seriously this stuff is just nonsense stop trying to earn woke points by over-examining a fictional, non-human culture. Its not arranged marriage. Its not child marriage. Its not marriage at all nor is it sexual. Stop clogging up the star trek tag trying to bitch about how you dont understand it. Problematic… theres no debate on Vulcan and Vulcans have never once complained about it in canon or otherwise because no one cares because it doesnt matter to them lol

In reference to this post.

I thought about deleting the post, because I will admit it is, very reactionary. I got a little more heated than I should have. I could’ve been a little more articulate. For that I apologize. But I haven’t changed my mind.

I really wasn’t gonna share this, anon. I disagree with you on a good chunk of what you’ve said, I still think it’s worth talking about. And I do think your anger with that particular post is justified.

I’m going to break down why I feel the way about Vulcan childhood bonding the way I do in a more responsible and coherent way, and explain why I disagree about why these topics shouldn’t be discussed.

I will never, ever stop talking about fictional races and cultures and how they affect and reflect upon the real world. Vulcans, among many other alien cultures, are amalgamations and abstractions of our own cultures. The Na’vi from Avatar help us examine colonialism, the extra terrestrials from Arrival help us examine how we perceive time and language. Vulcans, when it comes to this topic, are an examination of traditions and how some do more harm than good (like the homophobia Amok Time is allegorical for). Fiction has to be analyzed, it’s meant to be examined, learning from what we read is an important literary (and life) skill.

Star Trek especially! It’s purpose is turning genuine philosophical questions into drama and discussion topics for everyday people. Morality plays in space, it’s why the cast is so diverse for the sixties, it’s why there are racism and Cold War allegories all throughout it’s the Original Series. One of the reasons I love Star Trek, and Vulcans, is because they are flawed and can be examined from many angles. I’m not angry to be “woke”, I’m angry for the reasons Amok Time is meant to make you angry.

You’re right, bonding isn’t marriage. It’s more intense than that. They are mentally bonded in ways humans cannot be, and they are arranged in such a way that they will be married, and Vulcans DO get married. Sarek and Amanda are married, Tuvok and T’Pel are married, both Sarek and Tuvok refer to their partners as their wives. The betrothal is not just for clout, they will eventually have sex, it’s a guaranteed Pon Farr security blanket. Yes they can break it when they get older technically, but the only known socially acceptable way to get out of it is death via Kalifee, one way or the other. The entire point of Amok Time, is that all of that tradition is incredibly cruel and wrong. It causes Spock to “kill” his best friend, and T’Pring to condemn a stranger to death.

Nevermind questions of consent when it comes to children and when Vulcans mature as my short opinion on that is pretty aggravatedly stated in that post. At the very least it’s unfair to Spock, who cannot physically/mentally mature as a Vulcan or a Human. So if T’Pring can fully consent to betrothal, it’s certainly up in the air whether Spock can.

One of the reasons I love Vulcans so much is despite their beautiful philosphy that I really believe more Humans should strive for. They are at the same time as they are serene and logical, they are rigid and extremist in their beliefs and traditions that they’re illogical as well. The only thing logical about Spock and T’Pring’s arrangement is the assumption that if he had Pon Farr, and no Vulcan would want him (because, hey, Vulcans are insanely xenophobic, illogically) at least he’d have T’Pring in that emergency, assuming she’d be willing to capitulate to that once she was an adult. Big surprise, she didn’t, because 24 years had passed and they were both completely different people by that time, and it almost killed James Kirk.

I want to clarify that I’m not attacking arranged marriages as a cultural practice in real life. I understand it can be an extremely important cultural cornerstone and there are many examples of happy couples in marriages arranged by their parents, I’m not knocking that. I’m criticizing the way Vulcans specifically practice arranged marriage. Both because of their philosophy, and that the only respectable way out being murder. Which I can’t condone under most circumstances anyway.

There is very little logic in betrothal, other than reputation, which is a huge deal to Vulcans even though they preach meritocracy. And the aforementioned failsafe for Pon Farr, but there are cases (like Starfleet officers) where that justification is shaky. Whether the betrothed old enough to understand and accept their responsibilities not withstanding. It assumes the children involved’s sexual/gender orientations and that they both have the self-awareness to know what that will be, and that the parents know and have accepted it as well. That they will be the same people/love each other (or at least be willing to have sex with each other, which is not a given) by the time Pon Farr rolls around in the coming decades and all subsequent cycles.

All of that would be easily fixed and rearranged and such provided that the parents are reasonable. If the parents are unreasonable the two could alienate themselves from their families by refusing to get married to each other. Except there’s one problem, in Vulcan culture, as far as we know, the only way to get out of an arranged marriage like Spock and T’Pring’s is Kalifee, which results in the death of at least one of the betrothed, or the death of champion the other has chosen. In Spock and T’Pring’s situation, T’Pring willingly condemned a stranger to death, and Spock murdered his best friend. There is no utilitarian purpose to a crime of passion, Vulcans, in this circumstance, forego the simple, bloodless option instead letting people kill each other in the dirt over sex at the simplest and love at the most optimistic. There is nothing logical about that.

The point of Amok Time, the betrothal, the Kalifee, all of it, is that it does actually hurt Vulcans to practice this tradition. That it is flawed, that it is restrictive, Spock is at his most heavily queer-coded in this episode, he is not in love with this woman, and he kills the man he loves most to escape. T’Pring has blood on her hands too, all so that she could be free to make her own choices because she did not want Spock, bodily or romantically, and she’s completely Vulcan. We’re supposed to object to those practices, the same way we now advocate for same sex marriage and the eradication of child brides. They’re very old practices, but they are hurtful. Humans have them, Vulcans have them. Humans object to that cruelty for moral and logical reasons, why shouldn’t Vulcans be able to as well?

[psychedelic-ink]

Spoiler filled rant about episode 4 of Kin under the cut because OH MY GOD

Okay first of all this episode gave me like legit stress, my cheeks burned and I literally started to sweat-- I just need to talk about it

So first of all Jamie was Michael's son???????? I saw a lot of people guessing it before the big reveal but I legit had no idea, sure apparently Amanda and mickey were having an affair (kudos to jimmy for like forgiving them both it seems like) but I in no way thought that Jamie was Mickey's kid-- Also does Jimmy know?? and like wtf Amanda the boy is dead so now you wanna talk about it??? Why not talk about it before, when Jamie was alive, even if Mickey thought about it it does make sense that he wouldn't want to come in and ask if the kid was his or not, especially since that's his brother's wife

god i just felt so so bad for everyone except for Amanda what a shitty situation to be in for all parties involved. I feel like Amanda just takes out all her anger on the family, even during the revelation of that Mickey wanted to leave and she told him to stay. He does and then BAM that was your son, why didn't you say anything etc. etc. Even then Michael's thinking of Jimmy saying that it was his place to do the eulogy which it was. Just because he was the biological father doesn't mean Jimmy wasn't Jamies father. Micheal, in the end, choose to ignore it even if his reasons were justified or not.

also quick side not it really annoyed me how amanda said "you've been fuckin' me," it takes two to fuck why act like all the blame falls on to Michael?

Honestly if I had to pick a villain in the family it would have to be Amanda, she just seemed toxic from the get-go. I understand why she acts the way that she does but she's just mean, like in episode three where Michael was literally only telling Amanda to bury the feeling in and trying to be helpful (about them taking revenge for Jamie) she turns and says "is that what you do with her?" why you gotta be so mean, my man's just trying to help and you're the one begged him to kill the murderer of her son.

Now, steering off the topic of Amanda, well not by a lot but still dvdfvfd, I am so HAPPY that she found out Viking was the one who started this all. I cannot wait for the whole family to whoop his ass because everything that happens in the show is legit is fault fbfbfdfv

Anywayss that's the end of my rant <3 can't wait to watch episode five but I need my stress to dissolve a bit, it's been a while since a series made me feel physically nervous and I'm loving it

sidenot: that scene with Anna was also very sad, the shitty friend, the phone call to mickey, I just want Anna to be happy-- I don't even care about Micheal that girl needs some comfort

[shrinkthisviolet]

Regarding the Tory, Sam, and Amanda dynamic: I don’t think Tory is consciously trying to steal Amanda (as Sam’s support system), even though she basically is. I think it’s just that she literally doesn’t have anyone else (especially since Kreese is in jail, Robby might have gone to Mexico with Johnny to find Miguel, and all she’s left with is the deranged Terry Silver) and she desperately needs someone good who can be there for her. Though, I do agree with you — I think Sam is completely validated in her anger/PTSD against Tory (she’s done some horrible things to Sam). But to Tory, Sam has everything and took it for granted. And then immediately looks down on and accuses Tory of stealing Amanda’s purse. How would that not trigger someone going through everything Tory was. She most likely couldn’t even afford going to therapy (if she wanted to). Plus, look at what Tory has for family compared to Sam (I think anyone would rather be related to Louie than Tory’s aunt). And Tory didn’t try to reach out to Amanda first, Amanda did with her. So, I can’t blame Tory for wanting some kind of comfort and guidance. But I still get why Sam would be justified in her feelings. Personally, I blame the showrunners for cutting scenes (that probably) showed this in a better light for Sam. When they could’ve instead cut out a lot more of the love square stuff in the Prom episode (which was my least favorite of the Season and the series in genera). By the way, do you think Robby will even tell Tory before/if he leaves with Johnny to find Miguel? Or do you think he’ll be like Miguel was with Sam (and not even think to tell her)?

Oh absolutely, I doubt Tory stealing Sam’s support system is intentional. That’s why I said that’s how it looks from Sam’s perspective, since she’s still traumatized and doesn’t have all the facts. I do stand by the fact that the storyline was poorly handled in S4 and could’ve been done better, though.

As for whether or not Robby will tell Tory...I think so. They do seem to be pretty close canonically, each other’s bedrock, and even if Tory were to raise a fuss or ask to come along, I don’t think Robby would let her, and I think Tory would see the downsides in her coming along (plus, I really don’t want any more Tory/Miguel scenes please, I’m so over the love square 🤦‍♀️)

[aces-drew]

we fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds (post 2x12 nace fic)

author : acesdrxw (find me on ao3 here)

fandom : nancy x ace (nace) from cw's nancy drew

word count : 1027 words

tags : angst hehe it's all just gut-wrenching angst lmao (but cathartic bc confrontation)

warnings : none

premise : nancy confronts ace after picking up on how off he'd been with her since his almost death at the paper-mill

Ace wasn’t ready to go home yet.

Watching his dad lose a part of his heart to regret after he’d met Grant, almost dying, gaining and losing a brother all in a 16-hour window had left a heavy weight on him, constricting his ribcage and tying knots onto his spine. The dread he felt at having to process all of it for himself and then having to talk to his father about it, having to come to terms that he’d mostly never get to see Grant again – his big brother, his only brother – had heavily worn him down in the brief time he’d had to hold onto all of it.

He took a deep breath, trying to quell inevitable tears as he sat on the bench in the Claw’s storeroom. He didn’t even realise Nancy had walked in until she spoke up behind him.

‘I’m sorry I hurt you.’

He took a second and composed himself before he turned to face her. She looked uncharacteristically apprehensive, and he didn’t necessarily blame her. Something about the two of them had shifted and it was unfailingly and uncomfortably evident.

‘Hurt me? Nancy people could die because of me, they’re the ones who could get hurt.’

It was difficult for Ace to keep an even tone, so he stood up to steady himself a little more. ‘Do we even know for sure that he didn’t send out the list of names to anyone? Was it really the best decision to even have taken that chance? And God Nancy, how did you even know Celia would do what you asked her? I just-’

Ace stopped himself, unwilling to say anything he would regret.

‘It wasn’t a favour, it was a deal.’ She replied.

‘What?’

She took her turn to ready herself with a shaky breath, worrying Ace more than anything. ‘Celia asked that I change my statement against Everett in court in return for catching Daniel West and keeping you safe.’ She said, looking away from him. ‘I agreed to the terms.’

His temples buzzed with adrenaline as he digested the words. He couldn’t really process what he was hearing as his mind raced a mile a minute, ‘What the actual hell Nancy? What were you thinkin-’

‘I couldn’t gamble your safety.’ Nancy interrupted, looking away again; finality etched in her tone. That was enough to effectively set him over the edge.

‘And yet you gambled your integrity?’ Ace felt sick; he couldn’t help but yell. He was now not only responsible for the possible murders of multiple people, but he was also the reason that Nancy had given up everything she’d believed in and worked for, the reason that a known murderer would walk free. ‘This isn’t who you are Nancy, this town trusts you to do the right thing, your dad trusted that you would do the right thing, you’re better than this!’

Nancy recovered just as fast as she’d flinched at his words. ‘Really? Am I? Because last time I checked, all of you were very comfortable with telling me how much of a Hudson I am, so guess what? I am a Hudson; I did what I had to.’ Nancy bit back. Ace couldn’t miss the sincerity that was absent in her tone.

He was so tired. ‘This wasn’t the right call Nancy, you fucked up… I wasn’t worth it.’ Ace tried to remove himself from seeing the way a part of her broke at how he didn’t fight for the decision she’d made to save his life, how he didn’t try to understand what that had cost her, how she was willing to do it anyway. But he could see that she saw him too, that she was also processing his side of things. Even if, just like him, she wasn’t willing to come to terms with what it implied for the two of them.

They studied each other until the silence got too heavy.

‘But it was my call to make. I couldn’t lose you.’ She gave up, looking right at him with tears threatening to fall. She was still scanning his face for some semblance of understanding, for some approval. When it didn’t come, she pulled her last straw, ‘Tell me that you wouldn’t have done the same for me.’

If it were anybody else, Ace would’ve become the pacifist right then. He would’ve put up the front he always did and manage all his feelings onto the backburner, letting everything go for the sake of preserving peace, convincing himself that he’d process it all himself and get over it. He would’ve forgiven it and swallowed the hurt and exhaustion he was feeling. He would’ve managed the anger he felt at her for asking him for an answer that would even mildly justify the clearly wrong decision she’d made – the decision to choose him. He would’ve looked away from her crystal blue eyes and arrested his case.

But with Nancy, against all his better rational judgment, he didn’t feel the need to reserve himself like he always did, he wanted to feel everything he was feeling in full force and overwhelm her with it too. Despite everything, it felt important to be honest with her, to liberate himself from holding back in the only way he could given their current circumstances – he wanted to be angry with her because he was angry with her.

Ace had decided on that much; tonight, he wasn’t going to give either of them the comfort of coming to terms with what she’d done because of him, of unpacking why she’d done it when there was so much – too much, to lose. He’d settled on it, ending the conversation.

‘Amanda is waiting for me. I’m heading out.’ Ace didn’t know why, but he knew that mentioning her was a cheap shot.

And that’s what he did. Before he saw Nancy’s tears, tears he knew would break him into a million more pieces than he’d already been broken into today, tears that would force him to deal with more than he could handle with everything he felt for and about her, he made his way out of the Bayside Claw.

[sugar-coated-prat-dragon]

Title: Robby’s “daddy issues” and why Cobra Kai does it right.

- I’ve seen quite a few characters with “daddy issues” in tv shows, but the way Robby Keene is portrayed makes a bigger impact.

I think it’s because Robby’s abandonment and neglect issues are treated seriously (for the most part).

For example, Daniel and Amanda understand that’s he’s a troubled kid, but he’s not villified for being angry at his father.

In fact, they both understand that it’s a justified feeling and any talk of forgiving his father is treated as something positive for him emotionally (rather then doing it to ease his father’s discomfort).

Even Johnny for all his faults, (and there’s MANY), doesn’t at any point act as if Robbys anger or trust issues are blown out of proportion.

While it is true that Johnny hasn’t stepped up as a father yet and he gives up far to easy on his son (preferring to give his attention to his surrogate son who isn’t weighed down with the emotional baggage between them). It’s something that both characters clearly want and a relationship they’ll have to work towards in the future.

Even when Robby confessed to his dad about how he hated himself for years, because of the childhood neglect he endured and that building sense of rage (from sixteen years of abandonment) escalated into a physical confrontation. It wasn’t treated as him being an overly emotional teenager.

Johnny admittedly didn’t react as well as he could have in the situation, but he also didn’t put his son down for having those feelings or tell him to “grow up.”

It wasn’t treated like a childish temper tantrum (as it likely would have been portrayed in other shows).

Instead, Johnny found himself unable to utter a single word in his defense, because he knew it was true and it was his fault that his son was in so much pain.

Johnny knows he’s screwed up horribly in the past with his son and even though he hasn’t really put in an effort to fix it - he also hasn’t downplayed the trauma it caused his child either.

Overall, Robby’s “daddy issues” are treated as a real trauma he’s struggling to overcome and something that he’s still battling with three seasons into the show.

That makes it feel relatable.

(@robbyykeene post inspired this idea)