#amalthia steelblade

[chenneoue]

For my husband's Guild Wars 2 fan fiction, Outliers. Here is Kaleb Grimwald and Amalthia Steelblade!

[canid-slashclaw]

“Eh, whatever...” Amalthia really doesn’t give a shit. (The screenie captures her attitude so well.)

[canid-slashclaw]

Adorably lethal

It never hurts to look all cute and cuddly while murdering one’s foes.

[canid-slashclaw]

Is Amalthia trying to summon the Thundercats? One can only wonder...

[canid-slashclaw]

Some more Wintersday pics of Kaleb and Amalthia enjoying some tender moments together.

[canid-slashclaw]

Lookit who got her ascended sword drop from Drakkar... Congrats love!

[canid-slashclaw]

The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9,  Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20,  Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Amalthia lay on her circular bed, curled up on a ball crying as the sheets all around her were left in tatters. During her fit of anguish, she overturned the workbench, clawed up the mattress and threw several pieces of equipment through the windows. Her eyes couldn't stop the streaming as she buried her muzzle between two of the quaggan plush toys that she hugged tightly to her face.

"Amalthia?" Her father said, as he knocked on the door that led to the spiral staircase. "May I come in?"

She said nothing.

"Please. I want to talk. Your mother is gone. I made sure she would never come back to do that to you again."

"It's open. I swapped the locks on the door to the outside. That bitch fudged the lock on the door leading to the outside stairs. She set us up," Amalthia said while trying to keep her composure.

Her father stepped on through and noticed the anger that was inflicted upon the furniture. In the middle of the bed, his daughter slowly raised her head up and looked in his direction.

Ludrick hobbled over to her bed then sat down as he rested his paws on his walking cane. He reached out and began to gently stroke her golden mane.

"I am so sorry that all of this happened. It is my fault, mostly."

She looked up at him and placed her hand on his knee. "You mean your fault for allowing him to do business with us? Your fault for him and I being friends but nothing more?"

"Amalthia. Please. I never intended to see either of you hurt. I did what I had to do to protect you both."

"Protect him? How? By threatening to kill him? By telling him to never come back? How is that protecting anyone??" She hissed.

"Understand. My initial rage towards Kaleb was genuine. But I soon realized just how much danger he was in with Siri. If I did not give her a convincing appearance that I was as revolted as she, then there is no telling what she might have done to him when she left."

"I'm not sure I quite understand."

"Neither do I cub, neither do I. Anyway, I explained something to your dam that ensured she would never pose a threat to either you or the boy. As far as she is concerned, we are all dead to her. But my heart still feels heavy for how I treated Kaleb," Ludrick confessed somberly.

"What did you say to mother?" Amalthia asked curiously.

"What I said to her was for her ears only. Please trust me on this matter."

"Amalthia - you may or may not believe this, but I understand what you are going through more than you know."

She looked at her father puzzled. "Understand? All that I understand is that you frightened the poor boy to death even though he almost lost his life trying to protect me. And yet you have the nerve to treat him horribly after all he's done for us?"

"I told you that part of my behavior was an act to fool Siri. I did what I did to save the boy. Amalthia... there is something else I must say..."

She sat up holding her plush quaggans close together while resting her head atop their two heads. "I'm all ears..."

"I grew up in a world where such interactions between humans and our peoples was unheard of. The world I lived in would never have accepted the kind of relationship that you and Kaleb have. But... deep down I've come to realize that sometimes it is the world that needs changing and not the people themselves."

"A wise old norn once told me that there are those among us who are outliers. Ones who simply do not fit the mold that society has poured for them. Thus, I have come to the undeniable conclusion that you and Kaleb are such people."

Amalthia looked up in silence, her ears perked up intently as she waited for her father to say more.

"What I'm trying to say, cub, is that since you and he cannot change to accommodate the world then perhaps it is the world that needs to change to accommodate the two of you."

He gave her a gentle pat on the head.

"Are you saying that you approve of our relationship?"

Ludrick just looked her in the eyes and smiled. "You do not need my approval. Both of your spirits are strong and no matter what was thrown at either of you, the two of you maintained your resolve for each other. Such a quality is rare, indeed. You love him. I know that. That is why you should follow your heart."

Amalthia's eyes suddenly began to fill up with tears of joy as she flung open her arms and hugged her father.

"Thank you! You don't know how much this means."

Returning the embrace, her father stroked her head then looked into her eyes with a reassuring stare.

"Go to him, Amalthia. Tell him that I hold no hard feelings towards him and if he would find it in his will to forgive me of my actions. For a lack of a better word, you have my blessing for him to be your mate."

Overjoyed, Amalthia began getting herself ready to go out and find him. She hugged her father one more time then helped him down the stairs before heading out. Instinctively, she knew that Kaleb would be either at his parents place or at Ulfgar's. She figured that due to the circumstances of the encounter, Kaleb would probably be hanging out at the tavern. However, if he wasn't she would wait for him there for as long as needed.

(All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 22 is posted here.)

[chenneoue]

Amalthia (the Romantic) has some reading to catch up on! This was a fun little achievement run to find all these pages. Too bad they’re only a page each! Anet was definitely poking fun, as well as acknowledging, all their fan fiction writers. It’s great to see this sort of interaction between the developers and the fan base.

[chenneoue]

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Had an idea. Wouldn’t it be fun to run around as Ghost Busters in GW2??? Horrible faux jump suits inbound!

[chenneoue]

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She likes to break things. Which makes for amusing situations.

[chenneoue]

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Don’t help your friends, defiantly not your husband. This is what happens... without fail. :|

[canid-slashclaw]

The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9,  Chapters 10 and 11,Chapter 12, Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Dear Miss Mouthy,

Hard to believe that it's been over a month since we saw each other. It seems like only yesterday since I looked into those honey-colored eyes of yours. Since then, I've never been able to look at a bed of hay the same way again. And where'd you learn to kiss like that?? I didn't know charr kissed like humans.

Anyway, the army has blessed me with cold showers so at least it helps maintain my sanity. And speaking of the army... our Seraph platoon has been transferred to Sparkfly Fen. I can't say much due to security reasons, but the foe we are now facing are, shall we say, not among the living.

I've named my revolvers Sweetpea (my dad's) and Lulu. (your dad's). Truth is, I can slaughter an army with those things. Oh, and Bob has claimed his share of rotten heads as well... so no saying anything bad about Bob.

Cynthia is in line for promotion to Second Lieutenant and Brad has just made sergeant. Both of them are fine soldiers and good friends.

So how are things going with you in kitty land?

Love,

Your barn fire-setting beau - Kaleb.

"Hey! Steelblade - get that mangy flea-bitten tail of yours over here, now!"

Krenesh Howlingblade yelled as he and his other closest warband comrade, Navina Bladeflurry, were huddled on the barracks floors laughing while sharing some peculiar works of human literature.

Amalthia Steelblade, now a soldier, slid through the opening in the tent as she stood at attention.

"Reporting for duty, sir!"

"At ease, soldier. Come sit down."

"Yes sir."

Amalthia sat in a circle cross-legged along with her warband companions as their leader, Krenesh, handed her one of the peculiar human books. As she opened the pages, her eyes were greeted with an array of some of the most provocative illustrations she had ever seen.

"One of our scouts found those under the beds in some houses located in an abandoned human village in the Ruined front. And now our people have to work with these perverts? Disgusting!"

"You're telling me. I would get a mouth full of spurs if I did anything like that to you Kren," Navina Bladeflurry said with a laugh.

"And here I thought I was brought here for an intelligence briefing. So much for that, I suppose," Amalthia said sarcastically.

"Oh... but you were, squirt. If we are to be all nicey-nice with these sacks of meat then we gotta learn how they think. My impression of them thus far remains far from positive," Krenesh said laconically as he tossed one of the obscene pieces of literature towards the edge of the bed.

Amalthia perused the objectionable material, studying the various mating positions that humans engaged in. Very carefully, she committed them to memory but always being careful not to let the rest of her warband catch onto this fact.

"I hope you don't mind, sir, if I do a little Ash Legion work on these oh-so disgusting pieces of filth."

"Oh by Burnfur's bottom... I didn't need to see that. Can I go somewhere and vomit now?" Navina said, as she held up an illustration of a female human receiving anal penetration from a norn-sized male.

"I swear, if you - or any other male for that matter - even thinks of doing something like that with me, I'll rip more than just the two round things located between your ears," Navina growled then flung the illustrated material to the ground.

"You know, when I was accepted into this warband, I thought I would be fighting amongst a group of charr who had wills of steel and stomachs of iron. Isn't it amazing how a few dirty pictures can turn my bandmates into squeamish sissies," Amalthia chuckled while gathering up the various pieces of cringe-worthy literature.

Moments later, Legionnaire Agnor Gristleback threw open the tent flap as the rush of displaced air caused loose leaves of the obscene material to go flying throughout the tent. The trio tried desperately to seize the fluttering pieces of paper before their commanding officer had a chance to see what a was actually transpiring.

"You three were supposed to check in at camp HQ five minutes ago. Get those shit-stained tails of yours moving now!"

Navina and Krenesh immediately stood up and gave their superior a full-standing salute. Amalthia, meanwhile, was preoccupied with attempting to retrieve the incriminating pieces as best she could. Agnor glared as she danced about apparently ignoring his presence. Her two bandmates made a desperate series of strange noises hoping to snap her out of her single-minded mission.

"Did you fail to notice the presence of a superior officer, soldier? Or are you just trying to find a way of really pissing me off?"

"Neither, sir. Our warband was just doing a little cross-cultural research on our newfound human allies. I would not be a good soldier if we didn’t gain a proper understanding of how our human friends tick," Amalthia said as she began snatching up more pieces of the offensive literature that had fallen around Agnor's feet.

Suddenly, the stalwart Legionnaire let out a laugh that could be heard clear across the base camp.

"That had to be the most creative piece of bovine scatology that I've heard since commanding this outfit. You just made my day, soldier!"

The big charr gave a hearty salute as he backed away from the tent. Navina, Krenesh and Amalthia too returned his gesture.

"Now get your asses to the patrol station, pronto!" Agnor bellowed as he was leaving before seconds later turning back around then pointing under the bed. "You missed a piece over there, soldier. It's the one with the naked human kneeling behind a sheep."

***

The Blade warband marched westward from their camp at Deathblade's Watch. They were assigned to patrol the parameter of Foulbear Kraal keeping a sharp eye out for any signs of ogre activity. Leading the party, Krenesh took point while Amalthia and Navina covered the flanks. Mia Windreaver and Bogo Flutterblade were tasked with covering the rear.

High overhead, the midday sun scorched the landscape while gusty winds whipped up a flurry of dust devils. The powdery sand burned both eyes and lungs as the warband hunkered down to seek respite from the stifling heat.

"Someone toss me a canteen, I'm blowing enough snot out of my snout to build a sandcastle," shouted Navina who was hunched over trying expectorate the excess silt from her mouth.

Amalthia handed her bandmate an extra container of water along with a bandana. "This piece of cloth might save you from a not of unnecessary discomfort. Use one next time, silly."

Krenesh stopped for a moment then pointed towards a rocky impression located several yards in the distance. "That looks like a cave. We'll set up camp over there."

To their fortune, the Blades found a small nook that provided just enough of a buffer from the hostile elements. As they began to unfurl their supplies, the five bandmates built a campfire then huddled around sitting cross-legged in a semi-circular fashion.

"Yer lookin' mighty disappointed, squirt. Spit it out," Krenesh growled as he looked in Amalthia's general direction.

"I think Navina needs to do the spitting, sir."

"Little Miss Mouthy at it again, eh? I've heard all about that potent little puss of yours."

Amalthia looked at her warband leader and said laconically. "Just bored, that's all. I was honestly expecting more action."

"Oh. You'll see plenty of action, sweetie. Trust me on that one," Navina said between hacking coughs.

"Mouthy is right... one month and no action... this IS boring," Mia interjected while tracing some random circle in the dirt.

"Speaking of monthly action... I'm coming into season in the next few days. When that happens, you'll be getting plenty of  action from me - isn't that right, Kren?" Navina smiled devilishly at her mate.

"Is that all you two ever talk about whenever we go on these missions?" Amalthia looked at her banmate 'sister' with a raised eyebrow.

"War is ten percent action followed by ninety percent sheer and utter boredom. What else is there to talk about other than sex?" Krenesh said with a hearty chuckle.

"Whenever you're done with him, Vina, he's mine next," Mia said with a smile and a wink.

Amalthia looked around feeling unexpectedly awkward around the conversation. "Does anyone know what happened to Bogo?"

"Hrmph! That weirdo never likes to sit amongst his mates whenever we have these conversations. He's never shown interest in any of you three gals. Why is that?" Krenesh chuffed as he threw some pebbles into the campfire.

"I'll go check on him." Amalthia stood up then walked over towards the edge of the nook. She saw Bogo’s lone form sitting down, looking towards the far horizon.

She approached from behind then sat down right beside him. "Hey big fella. Not wanting to be social, I take it."

He shook his head then looked at her with his pale blue eyes and said in a downtrodden tone. "There's nothing they are talking about that interests me."

Looking into those somber eyes, Amalthia suddenly realized something. She reached into her jerkin then pulled out a stack of the obscene pieces of literature she had collected earlier. After thumbing through several of the illustrations, she found one that depicted two naked men engaging acts of carnal pleasure with each other.

"Here. Take it," Amalthia said as she shoved the illustration into the palm of his clawed hand.

Bogo looked at the piece then suddenly his eyes began to light up. "Uhhh. Why are you showing me this? It's disgusting!"

Crossing her legs and giving him a wide-fanged smile, Amalthia chuckled. "Use your imagination! Picture two male charr instead."

"Wha!?" Bogo choked as his eyes went wide with surprise.

"It's okay, Bogo. I don't care. In fact, I think it's rather cute how you react whenever you see other males bathing in the river without their clothes on."

"Uhhh. I... ohh, is it that obvious?"

Amalthia laughed. "It's all over your face. Now who's the cute brute?"

He held his breath for a moment before exhaling the name.

"Tovu."

"Do you mean Tovu Whistlewind? Ha! I should have known!" Amalthia gave him an affectionate tap on the shoulder.

"Please don't tell Kren or anyone else. I'll have my teeth pulled and then I'll be placed in front of a firing squad if anyone ever found out," Bogo said nervously.

"Don't worry, Bogo. Your secret's safe with me. And trust me when I say that we all have our little secrets," Amalthia said with a wink as they sat together for the next half hour talking about various mundane things.

When she arrived back at the camp, Amalthia noticed that all of her bandmates had stripped themselves of their gear and were sleeping on the ground wearing only the pelts they had been born with. Krenesh and Mia were cuddled together while Navina lay off to the side purring in contentment.

As Amalthia approached, one of Navina's eyes sprang open and she quickly shot up to greet her diminutive bandmate.

"What a pity you missed all the action. Did you and Bogo have some fun too?" She asked with a sly wink.

Amalthia shook her head. "Our relationship isn't like that. But I'm happy that the three of you got your grooves on. By the way... I thought you were not in season?"

"Hey! That doesn't mean I have to wait. Anywhoo... I'm still feeling the urge. Wanna do some kit on kit?"

"Um. Hell no!" Amalthia bristled.

"Oh. So touchy! You're not one of those... lifers are you?"

"Lifer?"

"You know, the kind that refuses to share themselves with anyone other than that one 'special' partner."

"You make it sound like a bad thing."

"No. Not at all, sister. I think it's pretty neat that you have someone so special that you are willing to make such a sacrifice," Navina walked over as she affectionately stroked Amalthia's golden mane with her cinnamon-colored hand.

Amalthia looked up at her much larger bandmate and smiled.

Navina held Amalthia closer then asked. "Who is this special someone? I would very much like to know more about them."

Looking briefly into Navina's eyes, Amalthia reached behind her bandmate's head then pulled her in as their furry muzzles locked in a brief but passionate embrace of the tongues. Stunned by what had just happened, Navina backed away.

"Ugh! Isn't that something humans do with each other?"

Amalthia smiled at her. "Admit it, you liked it!"

Navina pursed her lips for a moment then nodded. "I kinda did, in fact. You are welcome to do it again to me anytime. Round two?"

"No. That was only a sampler. Now that I showed ya how to do it, you can do it to both Mia and Kren. This muzzle is reserved for only one," Amalthia smiled as her ears twitched in excitement.

"That must one lucky kitty ya have there. Is he as faithful toward you?"

"He has no reason to be otherwise."

"What's the name of his warband?"

Amalthia rolled her eyes, then placed her clawed finger to the bottom of her lip as she thought about it for a moment. "Grim. Yes, the Grim warband."

"What's his name?"

"Kaleb Grimwald." Amalthia replied.

"Kaleb Grimwald, eh? That's a pretty weird name for a charr. No matter... what’s he look like?"

"He's tall for his type, broad and very horny," came Amalthia's carefully worded but vague description.

"You really aren't giving me specifics. C'mon! Now really... tell me what he looks like!"

Amalthia looked at her non-clothed 'sister' and smiled. "You have an imagination, so use it."

"Fine. Keep your closest warband sister in the dark. Just see if I..."

Bogo suddenly ran into the camp shouting at the top of his lungs. "Ogres approaching!" (Chapter 14 is also up on Google Docs)

[canid-slashclaw]

Happy 1st birthday, Amalthia Steelblade!

[canid-slashclaw]

The Outliers - A Guildwars Love Story

Chapter 4

Amalthia adjusted the acetylene/oxygen regulator of her welding torch as she attempted to fuse the final piece of her rifle scope together.  All of the components fit together perfectly except for the rear sighting post that stubbornly refused to seat properly. 

"Just about... there!"  

With the final spool of flux, she managed to solder together the last piece of her custom made handiwork.  But just as she was about to shut down her workstation, she heard some rustling downstairs followed by a couple of guttural voices.  

"Amalthia. Come down here now!"  Her father called from downstairs. Once she had shut down her welding station, her nostrils immediately picked up the strong stench of rotting flesh.  

Crap! I forgot to take out the refuse barrels last night.  They're probably all maggoty by now.

She opened the window to her upstairs room hoping the fresh air would dissipate the scent.  The room was already hot and stuffy due to her metallurgical hobby.  

If only this place had an actual work shed, she pondered as she slipped on a pair of grungy open-toed boots that somewhat accommodated her clawed digitigrade feet.

"Did you forget to take out the rubbish barrels, again? The entire cutting room smells like a mortuary."  Her father's voice carried to her upstairs room in his characteristic bellowing tone.  

Padding down the spiral staircase, she looked across the living den and noticed the presence of another individual who happened to be a charr like her. 

"Silly me. When I looked down I honestly thought the smell was coming from that woman other there.  Oh.  Hi mother.  I thought I recognized your odor," Amalthia said while glaring at the female charr that was standing near the service counter.  

Siri Blastfuse turned towards her smart-mouthed daughter giving only a slightly raised eyebrow as her slitted green eyes narrowed with contempt.  "So the little cub deigns to disrespectfully greet her generous mother in spite of having a serious hangover.  I am delighted that you had enough initiative within you to even make it out of bed, runt."

Amalthia rolled her eyes, pursed her lips then nodded with a half-cocked smile.  "Well, I just had to verify where such a foul odor was coming from.  At first I thought it was from the overripe meat in the cutting room, but then I saw your face and now I'm not so sure."

Ludrick growled with anger.  "That's enough out of you both.  Amalthia - your dam came here to let you know that she's been actively searching for warbands who may be willing to take you under their wing.  Siri - give her the details... not the snark."

"Amalthia.  My only surviving lush and shriveled-runt-of-a-lame-sire - I have some news that I thought might bring a ray of sunshine into your otherwise shameful existence," Siri said mockingly.  

"I heard the legions have set up an all-volunteer regiment of suicide bombers.  Were you the first to raise your paw when the call of duty was issued?"  Her daughter replied with a smirk. 

"That would make you too happy, now wouldn't it?  No runt.  I'm offering you a chance to make something of yourself.  I've taken valuable time out of my busy schedule to search out a warband who might be interested in taking your sorry, alcohol-laden carcass into their ranks."

"You are so sweet, mother.  You would almost have me believe that actual blood pumps through that heart of yours, instead of ice.   Tell me there's not a catch behind all of this."  Amalthia looked at her mother skeptically. 

Her mother cocked her head slightly. "No catch.  I'm just sick of hearing it through the rumor mill as to what a pathetic loser you turned out to be.  Your current miserable state is bad for your sire's reputation as well as my own."

"Do you mean to tell me that you actually care for someone else other than just yourself?  Father - she just may a spark of light in that otherwise inky black heart of hers," came Amalthia's sarcastic retort.

"If the two of you cannot speak to each other like civil adult charr then perhaps one of you should just leave.  Either way, Siri came to say what she needed and that's all fine by me." Ludrick s hobbled on his cane towards the dining room chair in the hopes that sitting for a bit would help take the pressure off his already throbbing foot. 

"Fine. I will haul those maggoty barrels to the back.  Just so long as I can put as much distance between me and that woman..." Amalthia huffed.

"This place reeks of piss, rotten carcasses and cow shit.  Come to think of it, I actually kind of regret pawning her off on you, Ludrick.  Had I known she would have turned out to be this sarcastic, drunk and lazy, I would have..."

"ENOUGH!"  The old charr's raged climaxed.  He then fixed his gaze upon his daughter then pointed towards the staircase leading to the basement butchery. Amalthia gave her parting snark before disappearing down the staircase.  "Very well, then.  I will have this place smelling like a basket of freshly cut roses in no time flat.  In the mean time, would you like me to scoop out a mound of fresh wiggly maggots for your take-out lunch, mother?  Word has it they really aid in digestion." 

Siri looked her former mate, crossed her beige clouded leopard spotted arms then shook her head.  "Where does that scrawny little sack of fur and bones get that mouth of hers from?  If it were up to me, I would have ripped the cub's tongue from her throat a long time ago. Why you allow her get away with so much is beyond my comprehension."

Ludrick pointed directly into her face.  "Look into any mirror and you'll find your answer, Siri.  She's the only lineage I have left. All of the other cubs I fathered are dead."

"Oh yes.  How could I forget?  You sired," Siri said as she began to count on her long, clawed hand, "just two litters?  Why didn't you continue to knock up more kittens after our relationship?  Were your loins just not up to the task or did something vital get lopped off?"

"Reasons, Siri.  Reasons..." Ludrick lowered his head choosing to ignore her personal insults.

Siri looked him squarely into his eyes.  "Look.  I honestly don't care if that runt lives or dies, so long as her actions do not in any way sully my reputation."

"There was a time when you did care for our cubs; including Amalthia and her twin sister even though she died shortly after birth."

"My capacity for caring died along with our other three.  You are too softhearted, Ludrick.  And that softness is going to eventually be the doom of our people.  You do know that, right?"

Ludrick looked at her then shook his head.  "No Siri. Compassion is not weakness; it's a strength."

"What in the hell have you been sipping on, you old fool?  You've obviously been hanging around humans too long.  Now you're sounding sappy as well as sentimental."

"Open that poisoned tongue of yours once more and I'll show you just how much of a charr I still am.  Now get out of my house, now! Otherwise I just might crack that skull of yours wide open with this cane!" Ludrick roared as he held his wooden crutch aloft.

"Ohh.  Now that's the big, old hairy beast I used to know and adore.  Keep talkin' like that and you and I may end up getting frisky and pop out a new litter together... just for old times sake of course, " Siri said with a devious grin as she slowly strode towards the front door.  

"Out.  NOW!" Ludrick's voice thundered with rage.

Within the span of fifteen minutes, Amalthia emerged from downstairs. 

"I assume that evil woman has left the building.  The air already smells less foul," she said while glancing around the dining area.

"She's gone... at least for the time being. Amalthia - I wish things were... oh, never mind."

"Oh my.  The effects of inebriation are beginning to wear off.  Talking like a teary-eyed human is a sure sign of this condition," Amalthia quipped. 

"Bah!  Please tell me you didn't finish that last liter of mead when you went downstairs."

"I would never be that cruel to you, sire.  There's just enough for each of us to have one pint.  I kept it in reserve for situations just such as this."

Amalthia helped her father down the flight of stairs as he hobbled trying to avoid putting undue pressure on his right foot.  Once they were in the cutting room, father and daughter split the remaining contents of the liter between them.

"Yanno.  I don't think there's a charr on the surface of Tyria who can match wits with my Amalthia," Ludrick said as he offered a toast. 

"To a life of loose lips and brooding loneliness."

In spite of her inebriated state, Amalthia raised her stein then clashed it against his partially empty mug. 

"I'll certainly drink to the first part, father."

[canid-slashclaw]

When holiday festivities get the better of some folks.

[canid-slashclaw]

Pocket Raptor Surprise

The heat from the midday sun beat down relentlessly upon the parched soil of the Dry Step Mesas. Off in the distance, massive vines snaked their way up from a ravine that looked as if the surface of Tyria itself had cracked open releasing some ancient and malevolent force. For a certain pair of intrepid (and over fashionably-dressed) bounty hunters, such trivial things were the least of their concern.

Amalthia tilted her head back as she raised a metal canteen to her gaping maw then shook the container a few times before giving her human husband an apprehensive gaze.

“Kal?”

“Yeah, babe?” Kaleb replied as he noticed a decidedly scolding look on her face.

“Did you, like, happen to forget to bring some extra water rations after knowing full-well that we’d be trouncing around in a godsforsaken freakin’ desert?!”

“Um, no,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, wasn’t that your responsibility? You know-- taking care of provisions and all?” He, then, gestured to her with a pistol finger and wink.

His action only enabled his wife in unleashing both her inner, as well as outer, charr. “My responsibility? Are you freaking kidding me!? You damn know good and well that it is my job to maintain all the weaponry and your job to handle the other logistics… like keeping us fed and hydrated. After all, you are the chef de partie of our little outfit, right?”

“Woah, woah. Stop right there, miss pissykitty! Just ‘cause you have fangs, horns and a furry tail doesn’t automatically make you the only master-at-arms here. We’re a team, remember? It’s both our jobs to watch each others’ backs.” He stepped closer towards her offering his hand.

She looked away, bowed her head, sighed for a moment before looking back into his eyes then letting out a subdued growl. “Gah! You’ve got a point. Sorry, love. It’s just this heat is really putting me in a pissy mood.”

He gently clasped hold of her paw then gave her a kiss on her lower right ear. “I’m sorry too, babe. For being an idiot and all. Yeah. The forgetting the water thing? That’s totally on me.” Amalthia leaned her head into his, gave him a gentle nuzzle under his chin then licked him on the face. “Why yes it is. But I suppose I can find it in my heart to forgive you... this time. But piss me off again and you’ll find yourself greasing your own piston for at least the next six months.”

“Well that’s comforting to know. At least we can cling to each other until we succumb to dehydration and someone eventually finds our mummified remains lovingly wrapped in each others’ deathly embrace,” Kaleb said with a smile as he began to massage the back of her thickly muscled neck.

She looked lovingly into his brown eyes as a fangy smile flashed across her face. “Mister Grimwald – you have got to be the most wonderful bundle of human weirdness that I’ve ever come across. Okay… I think the heat is really getting to me now.”

“Why’d you say that?” Kaleb looked at her puzzled.

Her ears began to twitch. “Don’t you hear it? Oh wait… your hearing isn’t as sensitive as mine.”

“No. I do hear it. Oh wait… look!” He swung his head around suddenly then pointed towards what appeared to be a chicken-sized velociraptor. She turned and saw it as well.

“Hey little guy.” Kaleb reached into his coat pocket then pulled out a roll of dried meat as he began waving it at the small creature. The raptor cautiously backed away from him while making a high-pitched chirping noise. “I’ve got some jerky. Wanna try?”

Amalthia shook her head. “Um. I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kal.”

“Aww. C’mon, Ama. How bad can a little fella like this be?” Kaleb said as he pointed towards what appeared to be the creature’s nest. “Hey look. Eggs. If we take one each to nourish ourselves and save the rest, then maybe we can hatch them. Katie always wanted an unusual pet.”

His charr wife let out a more forceful growl this time. “No! We are not hatching anything that comes from this awful place. Remember why we came here -- for the bounties, right?”

Her husband huffed. “For the bounties. I got it. But, dammit Ama, we could raise a clutch of these and sell ‘em in Lion’s Arch for a fair amount of coin. I mean what kid wouldn’t want one of these for a pet?”

Shaking her head, Amalthia promptly reached into her husband’s rucksack then pulled out a field guide titled, Tyria’s Field Guide to Native Flora and Fauna Vol. IX. Using her long clawed index finger, she quickly thumbed through the pages until found what she was looking for.

“Let’s see. Raptors… raptors… Big, mean teethy, poison clawed… Oh. Here it is!” She looked up only to find that her husband had suddenly darted off towards one of the nests. As she watched him snatch up the eggs then put them into his rucksack, she began to read aloud what was in the guide. “Pauxillum fiken talus admorsus – or more commonly known as the Pocket Raptor, is a diminutive subspecies of the common featherbeak raptor and is almost exclusively found in the Heart of the Magumma Jungle and is… oh for Scorchgazer’s sake... are you even paying attention to me, Kal!?”

Her husband gave her a thumbs up even though he was still engrossed in gathering up more eggs from the nest.

“It says pocket raptors are vicious creatures that will bite your face off if half given the chance. So you’d better put those eggs back now before mamma comes back.” She angrily snapped the book closed then shoved it down into her pants pocket.

The mesa suddenly became alive with dozens of high-pitched chirping noises. As Kaleb stowed away the last of the eggs, he was immediately greeted by three more of the tiny raptors. Each of them tilted their heads trying to get him into their field of vision as they began moving towards him at an alarmingly brisk pace.

“Back away from them, Kal. Now!” Amalthia yelled just seconds before the trio lunged at her husband.

With reflexes rivaling those of a cat, Kaleb dodged the assault as the three little beasts leaped just inches above his face. Whirling around as fast as he could he pulled forth his revolvers, Sweet Pea and Lulu, then leveled the barrels at his attackers making sure that his wife was not in the line of fire. The bore of each pistol erupted in a plume of red-hot gas as two of the critters exploded into grizzly globs of flesh and guts; the demise of the third followed a split second later.

Amalthia drew a holosmithing sword from her waistband as her entire body became aglow in a brightly lit shroud of charged energy. Scores more of the creatures appeared from practically every nearby nook and cranny as they began swarming the couple from all angles. A series of deft swishes from her alighted blade reduced several of the vicious attackers to piles of dust as more of the ravenous critters quickly emerged to take the place of their fallen littermates.

“We’ve got to get the hell out of here!” His wife said as her energy shroud began to take on a faint red glow. “Either this asuratech, or my temper is gonna blow at any moment. And when it does, I promise it isn’t going to be pretty.”

Kaleb holstered his pistols then drew forth the greatsword that he had slung on his back. “Bob – time for some action!”

With a series of lightning fast strokes, Kaleb and ‘Bob’ managed to cleave dozens of the little beasts in two as he re-positioned himself in a back-to-back stance with his wife. Moving with an unspoken synchronicity, the husband and wife bounty hunter team hacked and slashed their way through the onslaught until they reached the relative safety of a nearby natural bridge.

Amalthia pointed towards a bluff in the distance. “Hey, look. A downed airship. I’m willing to bet there are some supplies up there, including water.”

Kaleb shook his head. “An airship? Damn, we must have overlooked it the first time around. How could we have missed seeing something that obvious?”

Amalthia laughed. “Because you, dear husband, were too damn busy picking up raptor eggs for your little pet menagerie.”

As the couple wandered closer, several figures began to emerged from atop the bluff. Clad in black and silver armor, the pair quickly realized the individuals were Pact soldiers who were most likely survivors of the airship crash.

“Ho there, stranger,” yelled the tallest Pact member who obviously looked to be a norn and, was in all probability, the leader of the group. 

After they met up with the surviving Pact members, Kaleb and Amalthia pitched in to help set up a makeshift camp complete with a mess hall and cooking station.  As Kaleb sat down and began guzzling down a huge stein of fresh water, the Pact leader sat down beside him and chuckled. “Word has reached my ears that your cooking skills are the stuff of legends. Thanks to you and your amazing, and also most unusual wife, my troops will enjoy the first good meal they’ve had in a good long time.” Kaleb smiled at the compliment. “Your ears wouldn’t be wrong. But the misses? She’s one helluva cook too, yanno. Not that I had anything to do with it, mind you.” The Pact leader let out a boisterous laugh as he gave Kaleb a hearty slap on the back. “By the spirits, you must be part norn. At least in heart anyway.”

“Chow had better be ready soon. Moog has been staring at me for the last hour. It is not that his staring alone that has me concerned so much as when he starts staring at the salad condiments then back at me that gives me some pause for concern. Not that I think he would actually do anything, mind you, but...” a sylvari Pact member said as he casually pointed towards his asura comrade.  

“Oh please. Just looking at you gives me indigestion. Where is our sustenance?”

“Say please.” Amalthia’s voice chimed throughout the tent as she walked towards the table carrying a pan of what appeared to be full of some type of fluffy yellow substance. “Be careful. It’s very hot.” Kaleb looked at his wife and beamed. “Damn, babe! I can’t wait to try it.” She smiled back, her fangs showing. “And I can’t wait for you to try it, my love.”

Once the portions were doled out, everyone in the camp ate heartily then thanked Amalthia for the delicious meal. She sat down beside her husband and nestled her chin atop his head.

The norn Pact leader looked at the unusual couple and commented, “that whatever it was, was absolutely amazing! What did you call it, again?”

Both Kaleb and Amalthia said in union, a frittata.

The norn looked dumbfounded. “Oh. It tasted just like eggs.”

“That’s ‘cause frittatas are made with eggs,” Kaleb pointed out.  Amalthia just nodded with a smiling closed-eyed grin.

“Oh. I see. That meal must have been truly magical because during the crash, our only container of poultry products was smashed against the rocks.”

Then it suddenly dawned on Kaleb. He turned around then looked his charr wife in her eyes then asked, “Ama?”

“Yes, Kal?”

“What did you use to make that frittata?”

She rolled her amber eyes, put a clawed index finger to her pursed lips then looked up for a moment before looking back at Kaleb. “Just what was on-hand. Why?”

“Eggs. Where did you get the eggs?” Kaleb demanded. The norn butted in. “Yes. Such a meal is deserving of a special name. Something memorable, something legendary!”

Amalthia scratched her chin for a moment before responding. “Something memorable... something legendary. Hmm. Let’s see -- I suppose the only thing one could possibly call it is...

...Pocket Raptor Surprise!”