#am sorta GLAD you canceled it

[small-world-au]

i might scrap the whole May's nightmare thing, considering there would have to be 7 parts for each traumatic experience he has, also the MASSIVE amount of TW's I had to put on it

Ahhhhhh! Ok!

[ryo-kaikura]

Yandere Male CEO x Top sorta low self-esteem male reader

I had some other requests but I wasn't able to finish them 😭(it's like writer's block but on my other stories that I was planning )I'm sorry but this was quite literally stuck to my head.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“YOU KNOW WHAT!!?? WE'RE DONE!!”

“B-but why??? Didn't I do things that you like???”

“ What do you mean I like? U never gave me any attention, you’re even more stuck to your electronics than me.”

“But he sai-”

“I've always wondered why I even liked you, Alexander already said you don't care about me🙄😮‍💨”

“wait plea-”

“Pack up, you're leaving my house I bought with my money”

---------------------------------------------------------------

There it was… my romantic relationship with someone. I always knew relationships are hard but I, m/n, messed up big time. I have no house since I always saved up for our marriage… now I only have around £3 billion. Should I just change it back… it's no use since she doesn't want to marry me anymore.

*at the bank

“Hi.. I wish to change my money back to (country currency). O-oh please put it in my bank savings account”

“Very well sir”

*after booking a hotel room and going in it

Ugh, my hair is long and my body's stiff. I thought she would like a gamer boyfriend but I didn't know she wanted a rich gamer boyfriend.

Whatever… I better go and get a haircut these days. Hmmmm, the money I have, I should invest it but on what?? Oh I know, I ask Derry, he should know.

*in chat

D:Your girlfriend like ugly oily men

U:No way, you're lying

D:Hell no

Today

U: Hey Derry…

D:What's up man

U;What investment should I invest

D: How about company A I heard they're a rising

U: Okay

Weird… wasn't company A going down these days. I should just invest 100.000 on company A just in case and 900.000 on Xander enterprises.

*few days later

I've been staying at the hotel this whole time while searching for a house but my ex made it so hard since anyone that heard my name would cancel their contracts, how did I know… she told me 😅.

The only places that I would be able to buy are mansions 😭… wait a minute… it's not that expensive yay 😆.

*at the house

Huh… it's ugly 🤢. I gotta change it to a proper mansion. This looks like it doesn't scream home, it screams I'm rich so I'm gonna buy a hospital and make it my house. Guess I'll have to do some renovations… I'll call someone, I don't know how to build a house🥲.

OMG, the workers was in budget 😆. But the hotel was fully booked. Where could I stay 😭. Oh maybe Derry would let me

U: What investment should I invest

D: How about company A I heard they're a rising

U: Okay

Today

U: Hey Derry… could I stay at your place

D: Huh… why?

U: My house is being reconstructed

D: Okay

D: Here's my address

D: (Address)

U: Thanks

Thank goodness he let me. I should start going there. Oh he's home. *knock* *knock* he's really home 😁

“Hello Derry glad you allowed me to stay with you😁”

“No prob, btw I have other friends over currently”

“Oh it's fine, so am I gonna sleep on the couch or…”

“There's a guest bedroom, you could stay there. There also blah blah blah house stuff. And blah blah more stuff.”

“Okay thanks, it's already late so I'm gonna sleep😁, good night”

“Okay sleep tight”

*when you're asleep

“Isn't he your rival to getting Mila? Why invite him here, it would've been better just to let him rot”

“Nahh. He's not a threat, Mila will be mine whether she likes it or not*whispering* but I barely feel anything for her…how weird.”

“okay, ‘Derry’🤭😂”

“Shut up 😒”

*a few weeks later

I've been awake since 5 in the morning but I've been thinking because all the advice Derry gave me was useful months ago but a few weeks before, his advice has gone awry. Never mind, it's probably he has bad Intel on those things…I should tell him.

*the kitchen

Oh! There's Derry…

“aren't you tired of letting him stay here?”

Isn't that Mila's voice, why is she calling him?

“No need to worry, I'm not that mean and he's my friend, plus he doesn't have a house now, does he?”

Baby??

“Ugh, you're right, okay bye, tell me when he finally leaves.”

“Bye.”

“since my love is worried, maybe I should kick him out”

*you step into the kitchen

“Oh m/n, have you finally woke up? I've cooked some breakfast for you, eat up😊”

“Oh, okay. By the way, it seems your Intel about investment was off, since company A has just gone to bankrupt”

“Really 😯, but my friend said company A would show their wings and soar through the sky again… I'm sorry, I didn't know..”

“Oh right, Derry, do you want to hang out later today…?”

“Sure I'm free then.”

“Okay see you later”

I've been stressing about the renovations of my house but my appearance is terrible… I should get a haircut before he and I hang out.

*at the barber

“could you show me haircuts? I wanna pick which one is my favorite.”

“Okay sir.”

“I want (haircut pick)”

“Okay”

“It's done, wow sir, you're so good looking, pretty sure if I didn't have a wife, I would've turned gay for you”

“Thank for the compliment”

DERRY'S POV

Honestly, I'm still shocked after all these years they broke up… soon he'll be mine, wait ‘he’??? Wtf??? Nevermind I've probably gone crazy cause I'm tired. This evening m/n invited me to hang out. I'll humiliate him by making him meet his ex. This way she'll hate him more, he'll be embarrassed and I'll be the hero…

*that evening

Ugh, I've been waiting for 5 minutes but where is that ugly sad sack… I'll text him

Company Xander enterprises has

been growing so if you wanna invest

go to that one

Today

Hey, m/n where are you?

Beside you this past 15

Minutes

Huh?

I looked to my side and a guy was waving at me.. His style is the same as m/n but he's handsome… wait no it is him. It looked exactly like him in the past. Why is my heart beating so loudly… there's no way I didn't fall in love with Mila but him at first sight, RIGHT?!!!

“Oh hey m/n, didn't notice you there, I thought you were a creep since you were standing next to me for the past 15 minutes”

“No problem, I should call out to you..”

“Anyways, what did you plan?”

“ You know in the past, you said you like horror movies, right? So booked one for us”

“Oh, it's amazing you still remember”

*after the movie

“It was so exhilarating, don't you think so?”

“Yeah.”

Can't believe he still remembers, she doesn't even remember my favorite things while he did.

Huh why is m/n screamin my name

*CRASH*

FUCK

.

.

.

.

.

----------------------------------------------------------

M/N'S POV

Noo, Derry.. I've gotta bring him to a hospital

*picked him up bridal style

Finally the hospital..

“PLEASE SIGN HIM IN, HE WAS JUST HIT BY A CAR”

seems like screaming did help since they instantly prepared a room. The car… the plate number was Mila's, I know cause I was there when she got that car 3 years ago. Fuck… I should call that friend of his… (you got the phone number when you ask in the first few days he was at the house)

*you called him over

“M/n what happened…”

“I don't know Luke, he was lost in thought and walked super fast, and when I caught up I saw a car hitting him super hard, their plate number was (Mila's plate number)”

“okay.. Could you take me to his room?”

“Oh yes.., let's go”

*at the room

“Ah… m/n did you come to pick me up for uni?”

“eh? You're an adult”

“yeah I'm 20 years old right?”

“ERM, no. Your 28 years old”

“Eh, and who's the bastard beside you”

“This is your friend Luke, you remember right?”

“No, why should I”

“M/n could you wait outside I need to speak with Derry”

*you left the room and went to get water

“How dare you use that nickname”

“Sorry boss, but why are you pretending to be amnesiac?”

“I'm testing something”

“But who hit you?”

“that fucking bitch Mila, never thought she would want to kill me”

“Wasn't it you who was blind to that and even loved her? She realized you were the one behind the ir breakup after she regrets breaking up”

“I was forcing myself… I knew I didn't actually like her… I just can't believe I like m/n.”

“So you're planning to cling to him? Plus you've been lying to him, you think he would forgive you?”

“Hah that's the easy part, all I need to do now is just make him fully believe I'm amnesiac.”

*a nurse came in and brought Alexander to a VIP room

“Did you upgrade my room?”

“No”

“Excuse me, nurse… who upgraded my room?”

“The one that brought you here, the one that carried you like a princess, here a photo(photo of m/n carrying Alexander to the hospital), I couldn't help myself, you both looked like the perfect couple”

“Luke, get me a copy of that picture, and destroy that board”

“Okay sir”

*you enter the room just as Luke was leaving

“Oh why are you leaving Luke? Anyways here's a cup of water”

“Thanks, I'll be leaving for stuff”

“Okay… how are you feeling Derry”

“You do know my name's Alexander right?”

“Huhhh, what!! I thought it was like Dexter or something… it actually makes sense.”

“anyway, I upgraded the room since you look slightly uncomfortable with the bed and room, thankfully it wasn't that expensive”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Anyway, Alexander, do you want to live with me? My house just finished renovation and I was thinking if you want to help me decorate it since I'm not that up to date 😅”

“Sure😃”

*after he got discharged and started to look live with m/n

“Thanks to you, my new house feels like home”

“No problem, btw can I come over with the secret key you keep?”

“Yeah sure, why not”

“I'll go back to my house now”

“bye 😁”

ALEXANDER’S POV

I really didn't know why is didn't realize I like him, but he should really be cautious *he's checking his phone that shows m/n's house, he put cameras in m/n's house*. I mean in the past I would put cameras where m/n would visit most often but I must truly be in denial.

Heading back I saw Mila, she was in crocodile tears… truly, why did I think I like her… she was sobbing saying shit like, I didn't mean to hit you and stuff.

I quickly head inside and locked then I start to plan my next moves

*next morning

*Alexander goes to m/n's mansion*

I started cooking while I knew he wouldn't be awake. When I heard him coming over, I started to cry.

“*sniff* ugh… I'm soo pathetic”

“Huh, Alex, why are you crying… Are you okay”

“huhuhuhu, a scary girl showed up in front of my house screaming I didn't mean to hit you, huhuhuhu I'm scared. Huhuhuhu”

“There there, who would do that, tch tch tch how crazy people are these days”

“And out of nowhere this expensive looking package showed up🥺, I'm scared to open it🥺. Help me”

“Oh okay, it seems like it's a ring. Oooh, that’s the ring I bought. I was thinking of gifts and rings came up, so this way we'll be matching 😁, you'll wear it right? 🥺”

“ah, em, o-okay.”

“great😁”

M/N'S POV

This ring looks exactly like the ring he showed me when I was asking for engagement ring ideas🥲 maybe he didn't realize it…

*BANG**BANG**BANG*

“OPEN THIS DOOR M/N”

“Huh”

*opening the door

“HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY BOYFRIEND”

“Huh? I didn't”

“Since when was I your boyfriend, pretty sure girlfriends don't hit and run the boyfriends”

“That was an accident, you should know that!!”

“M/n that's the scary women that showed in front of my house 🥺”

“I can't believe you scared a sick patient, you of all people should know that”

“Ugh🙄, I don't care, give me back my boyfriend”

“The one you said was your boyfriend just proposed to me *lifted the ring finger* that means he's not your boyfriend, now, you're just pathetic, security! Kick this women out of the property”

*you and Alex went inside

“Sorry Alex, I used you and lied to her… I mean this ring looks like an engagement ring 😅”

“No problem…but I've liked you since a long time ago, you know”

“Huh?!!!”

“So? Will you marry me?”

“Emmm, aren't you amnesiac, maybe we sho-”

“No, I'm scared you'll get stolen by somebody than so I should ask now”

“Oh, then, yes, I would like to marry you”

----------------------------------------------------------

*A few years later

Life's been great since I married him and lived in my mansion, turns out he's the CEO of Xander Enterprise… and I own 20% of the company's shares from when I invested in the company.

Tho, I'm curious what is in the basement since after we married he took the basement for himself. It used to be for a wine cellar, but we made one in the kitchen.

I should check it out..

*enter the basement and turn on the light

Huh, why are there multiple pictures of Mila and other girls… is he in love with them… I mean he was probably straight… I suppose I should tell him it's fine to take mistresses

ALEX'S POV

*Alex arrive at home

“ Alex… I went to the basement”

Fuck he didn't see the rotting corpses right?

“I'm just gonna tell you this”

If he ask for a divorce I'm gonna threaten to kill myself

“If you wanna take mistresses, I'm fine with it 😔”

“Huh, what, no, definite no, I only like you.”

“You don't need to lie I say the pictures”

“How about I prove myself then😄”

“Huh???”

*after sex

“😚how was it.. My ass, can't believe you took control in an instant and did it for the whole night 🤭”

“Um😅, you just felt sooo good, it felt like you were hugging my penis 🥵”

“So you won't ask about mistresses and side pieces??”

“I won't😘”

“This is why I asked you not to go in the basement😔”

“I'm sorryyy😖, but why do you have pictures of those women”

“Those girls were nagging me to divorce you, so I destroyed their companies 😁”

“Oh, um please don't 😅”

“I'm kidding, I was just showing their flaws since they keep saying you were trash and they were perfect for me”

“OoO, okii”

----------------------------------------------------------

A bit rushed 😖

[eldritch-nightmare]

TYSM FOR THR MATCHUP i love how detailed it is!! + ej is so hkfjdhdhskf

can i req some Jane x fem reader general headcanons?? i am having some serious Jane brainrot rn💞💞

- 🌙 anon

a/n: of course!! i'm so glad you liked it!!

general jane x fem!reader headcanons.

warnings: reader isn't a creepypasta in this, kept it vague i think so this can be for richardson or arkensaw, i genuinely can't think of any other warnings.

Jane literally never ever thought she would fall in love but then the most prettiest woman ever waltzes into her life and suddenly she's feeling like one of those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies.

She honestly wasn't sure if she was even meant to meet you. It just sorta... happened. And nothing was supposed to come of it, it was just supposed to be a single encounter, but you caught her attention and she found herself drawn to you.

In the beginning, the relationship was a bit tense. Jane wasn't sure if it would even last, so she didn't want you getting too close to her for fear that things wouldn't work out.

She would be so hesitant to bridge the gap between you two, so you're more than likely the one who will have to take the lead in the relationship. At least, in the beginning, that is.

Once she's certain that this relationship is something that she wants, and something that can work out if she puts in the work, then trust me when I tell you she will treat you like a princess.

While she doesn't hide the fact that she heavily despises Jeff and that he ruined her life, she does try to keep the fact that she's hunting him down a secret. She loves you so much, she doesn't want you getting involved in the messiness that comes with hunting Jeff.

She'll also definitely try to keep any murders she may commit a secret as well. She doesn't want you to see her like that. She doesn't want you to hate her. And she most certainly doesn't want you to be afraid of her.

She very rarely ever misses any dates, but if you two plan a date and she gets a lead of Jeff's current location then... sorry, she's suddenly canceling on you and she'll end up giving you a relatively shaky excuse so it's up to you if you believe her or not.

Of course, she'll obviously apologize for canceling and will get you some flowers you like, and will plan out an entire day just for the two of you.

She doesn't think she deserves you, to be honest. She knows that she's no good for you, and she'll never be able to fully give you the relationship you deserve, not when her entire life is dedicated to hunting down the man who took so much from her.

She'll shower you with so many compliments if she ever sees you looking even remotely sad.

Not the most physically affectionate person but if you want her to hug you or have her play with your hair or just hold hands then all you gotta do is ask.

Sticks to one pet name and that's 'love'. It's by far her favorite one.

Jane is someone who feels negative emotions intensely, so if she's feeling particularly angry or frustrated then she's going to avoid you until she calms down. She's not scared of hurting you, she just doesn't want to take her anger and frustration out on you. You don't deserve that.

Dreams of being able to settle down with you one day.

[rhlgull1331]

PRO WRESTLING RATINGS 2023 (5 of 6)

20 professional wrestling matches out of 182 watched throughout September & October were rated 4 stars and higher.

AEW, surprise surprise, had the most top-rated matches with 11.

My favourite match of this block; Bryan Danielson vs Zack Sabre Jr. from AEW WrestleDream on October 1st. I rated it 4.75 out of 5. It was beautiful.

Here are 3 matches that I suggest you goddamn watch:

Chad Gable vs GUNTHER (Monday Night RAW, September 4th) I'm not a big WWE fan these days, but every once in a while they manage to pull their best wrestlers (most often GUNTHER than not) into having an amazing contest with major stakes that feel so very fun to watch. A primetime stage in Chad Gable' career began when he first challenged GUNTH and this rematch had his reputation shoot like a rocket. I hope they do it a third time.

Billie Starkz vs Marina Shafir (REVOLVER Women's Grand Prix, October 8th) Marina's time in AEW has not shown her at her best. If you've yet to see her at a time where she has the chance to act as a methodical and calculating powerhouse of sheer grappling knowhow, then you should watch this match where she manages to help the already impressive Billie Starkz tell a super compelling David vs Goliath story.

Fuminori Abe vs Takuya Nomura (Fuminori Abe & Takuya Nomura Produce Kakuto Tanteidan ~ Bokura Wa Kakuto Tanteidan, October 12th) Although it got a 4.5 and not a 4.75 (rewatch coming soon, that may change) this has gotta be the most engaging and thrilling and captivating match of 2023. Violent, yet positive in its way of harm. Both Abe and Nomura are made men to men, they are both such amazing wrestlers. Plus, they also happen to be the most consistently good tag team in the world today so more power to them!!

Wrestler Of The Block has been cancelled because I'd rather focus on my Wrestler Of The Year list for the final post.

The updated total of matches watched since the last post is....

950

Which means that I am definitely going to hit my goal this time. As I said , for 2022 I tried to hit the big 1K, but only got to about 800. After finishing with this year, I will continue to watch a lot of pro wrestling - I do LOVE it after all - but I don't think I'll be keeping up with current-day stuff in the same way as I have for the last 2 years.

Well, these past two months have been very slow-moving for me, since I've had to move house and took a week away from watching any wrestling to focus on that. I am sorta glad that I did take time away, because I did not realise just how monotonous this whole project had begun to feel until I got back into the swing of things.

Regardless, this is still very fun for me. I love this shit.

[sillsif]

↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me

thank you @jyuubin for tagging me! sorry it took me a while to type this up.

i have decided to pick shows that i rewatch for comfort or keep me awake at night thinking about every little detail and emotion inside. here we go!

Bones (2005 - 2017) i grew up with this show and i just love temperance brennan with my entire life. i love the smithsonians i love booth and brennan i love i love i love and i rewatched s1-s3 sooooooo many times because iykyk it just kills me in the best way everytime.

Because This is My First Life (2017) my comfort feel good kdrama. i love how this drama focused on telling the stories of three women fighting for their dreams, and how every one of them had their own definition of happiness. oh i feel so much for the three of them and i love love love their love interests too. such a well-written show.

The Good Place (2016 - 2020) another comfort and feel good show. the good place is fun, intelligent, and most importantly, kind. it came out during a time when we all needed that reassurance: that things can be changed. things can be better. things SHOULD be better. WE should be better, and we CAN be. i'd even say it's another version of everything everywhere all at once's philosophy. it also has chidi anagonye, the love of my goddamn life.

First Kill (2022) if i were a zombie ♪ i'd never eat your brains ♪ a lesbian vampire x hunter show that got fucking cancelled by netflix bc netflix hates lesbians. i miss them sorely. this show was fun and intriguing, it has the right tone for teenage romance — dramatic and heart-wrenching. the cast is incredibly charming — gorgeous women from mothers to daughters and beautiful men too. talia burns you are everything.

Racket Boys (2021) coming-of-age sports kdrama. i had a visceral reaction to insol when he [redacted] and then i had a mini phase where i had intense brainrots over haesol ( haekang x insol ) which in retrospect is sorta like me with palmchopper. you get what i mean? i still love insol very much and i still have brainrots about them in fact i'm looking at my gifsets right now.

The Get Down (2016 - 2017) I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NETFLIX FOR CANCELLING THIS SHOW. the get down was about the bronx and the beginning of hip hop. ezekiel figuero and shaolin fantastic. mylene. dizzee kipling. i love them so much. so many iconic scenes and lines. justice smith has remained one of my fave actors since then.

Better Call Saul (2015 - 2022) i watched this show during the airing of its final season bc it was all on netflix and i did not expect how easily i grew attached. i watched breaking bad a long time ago and never thought too much of saul goodman the funny lawyer, so i didn't rush to watch bcs when it first aired. but damn how glad i am to have binged it when it delivered its finale too. incredibly tight-knit and immaculate in writing and filming. the details are so intricate it's almost impossible to pull off but they managed. it's quite heavy from time to time, and such a tragedy too. but that's the story. and it does get the ending it deserved. i can say it's the best written tv show i've seen with such a long run.

Scissor Seven (2018 - ) happy, feel good, comfort show. it's a chinese animated series with a lot of canto humour, which just hits home for a canto like me. it follows the regular shounen anime formula but with less self-importance. it's just about a guy who wants to live a good life with people he cares about on this island he calls home. well, with the past coming back for his life.

tagging anyone interested!

[withcolebrock]

Distracted

Corpse Husband x fem!reader

Requested: sorta lol

Summary: Y/N was feeling sick and laid with Corpse during his stream.

Warnings: none??? just super mega fluff

Word Count: 1,254

Author’s Note: I hope this makes sense ?? idk I hope the request is enough in here, I’m sorry if its’ not :(

She sat up slightly as she squinted her eyes shut harshly. Her head was pounding, she placed her hand against her temple as the pain rushed through her body. Her stuffy nose made her head hurt worse. It has been almost a year since she’s been sick. Over the past few days, she had felt herself start to feel sick. She thought that was going to all, but this morning she was hit like a truck. She felt awful.  She continued to stand up from the bed, slowly. Her entire body was cold yet she was sweaty. She glanced behind her seeing that Corpse’s side of the bed was empty.

She groaned as she walked towards her closest taking a black hoodie. She covered her shivering body with it, she crossed her arms over her chest as she walked out of her bedroom. Her eyes immediately fell onto Corpse who was sitting on the couch scrolling through his YouTube comments. “Hey,” she mumbled while walking towards the kitchen. He lifted his head looking towards her. He smiled softly.

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” he asked, closing his laptop and setting it onto the coffee table. He stood up, walking towards the kitchen to greet her.

“I slept fine, you’re up early,” her voice was nazally. She walked towards the fridge and pulled it open. She took a hold of a water bottle. He rested his hand onto the counter while he swung his body towards her. She turned to face him, a small pout to her lips. His eyes squinted while his eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m streaming in a little bit, and I wanted to wake up,” he chuckled slightly, “Are you okay?” he asked while he looked her body up and down. She took in a shaky breath while she shook her head.

“I feel like shit,” she laughed dryly. He took a small step towards her, resting his hand onto her cheek. He ran his thumb across her skin for a few seconds.

“What hurts?” he whispered while looking over her sickened features. She shut her eyes briefly as she leaned her head into her hand.

“Everything,” she muttered while she avoided his gaze. He pulled her body towards him, She rested her head onto his chest. “I just want to sleep,” she whispered into his chest. He slowly ran his hands up and down her back while he felt his heart race.

“I can cancel my stream, and we can just lay in bed all day,” he whispered. She pulled from his chest reluctantly, looking up towards him.

“No, it’s okay,” she shook her head slightly, “Go have fun, I’m just going to sleep,” she chuckled slightly. His mouth dropped open slightly while he kept his hand rested on her waist.

“Are you sure? I mean I don’t want you to be alone or-” he asked, looking her body up and down.

“Corpse, I’ll be fine,” she smiled while he pulled her into another hug again.

“You can come sit with me while I stream if you want,”

~~~

For the past few hours she was tossing and turning trying to fall asleep again, but she was in too much pain. She slowly sat up from the bed, looking around the room. She lifted her phone and smiled at the picture of herself and Corpse. A mask covering his face, most of their pictures together were with his face covered. It made him feel better. She clicked open her phone and texted Corpse asking if he was still streaming. Resting her phone beside her, she leaned her head back slightly. Her head was pounding, honestly all she wanted to do was be with Corpse. He always made her feel better by simply being there.

Her phone went off beside her, she opened her eyes and looked towards it and read, “I am, I can stop soon, are you okay?” she smiled softly as she read it.

She responded quickly, “ehhh, can I just come in there with you?” she typed. Within seconds he responded with a simple smiley face. She chuckled as she slowly stood up. She put her phone in her hoodie pocket and continued to walk out of the bedroom. She slowly pushed open the door to his YouTube room.

He turned his head around and smiled widely before his lips fell into a pout. “Are you okay?” he whispered. His eyes widened quickly before he realized he wasn’t muted in discord or for his stream. Everyone started questioning him, “Oh, sorry, I’ll be right back,” he chuckled nervously. He muted them both.

She walked towards him, a pout to her lips. He pushed away from his desk lightly, giving her room. She took in a long breath as she slowly wrapped her legs around him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Keep playing,” she mumbled as she rested her head onto his shoulder, she shut her eyes as she relaxed.

“Okay, love,” he whispered, running his hand up and down her back slowly. He unmuted his discord and his YouTube stream as he put his headphones back on. “I’m back,” he spoke.

The next game started and Corpse was not the Imposter, so he was much calmer knowing he hopefully didn’t have to defend himself too hard. Every few seconds he would shift his gaze towards her. Noticing how she was trying not to fall asleep. He continued to run his hand up and down her back soothingly.

“So I don’t know if she wants me to say this,” he looked down towards her, noticing that she wasn’t paying attention to his words. “But my girlfriend isn’t feeling well and she’s sitting with me, so if I am a bit distracted, or quiet I don’t want to wake her,” he explained, a breathy laugh left his lips. After he spoke, a body was immediately called.

Most of the group started arguing immediately, many of them arguing about who was with who. Except Corpse unmuted himself and just shifted his attention to Y/N. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of her head for a moment. A small half smile formed to her lips as she opened her eyes briefly, looking into his. She mouthed the words “I love you,” before trying to fall asleep again. He tilted his head onto hers, a small smile to his lips.

“Corpse you haven’t said much,” Toast questioned. Corpse shook his head slightly and his eyes widened.

“Uh-um, sorry I wa- who died?” he asked and everyone bursted into laughter. “No, I was distracted,” he said through a fit of laughter. He glanced towards Y/N before quickly shifting his gaze back towards the screen.

“Distracted by what?” Rae asked hesitantly. Corpse’s eyes widened as a small nervous chuckle left his lips.

“By uhh-by” he stammered as he glanced towards his chat. “I was distracted by my girlfriend,” he said cautiously. The group laughed awkwardly. “No, no, no, not like that,” he chuckled, “She’s like asleep on me,” he giggled.

“Aw, wait that’s adorable,” Poki had said.

“Corpse, that’s so cute,” Rae responded.

“Corpse!” Sykkuno yelled.

“Guys! That’s not the point of the meeting!” Sean yelled dramatically. “Alright vote Poki!” he continued. The rest of the meeting was serious about the game but Corpse was still mainly paying attention to Y/N.

For the rest of the stream, he wasn’t playing to his fullest extent but didn’t mind, he was just glad that she wasa feeling better in his arms.

[rosetintedgunman]

✨

@the-actor-himself

-

It's late, I should be asleep, but I think I need to get this out before I do anything else tonight.

King, let me be honest. You are a joy and a treasure to this community that is worthy of the pen name you use. It's been an absolute delight watching you reach out to everyone and help them feel welcome and included. I'm grateful I was lucky to cross paths with you when you originally set up this particular blog, and consider myself doubly lucky that I was still here upon your return when the time was right. You're such a friendly, engaging individual who really embodies the desire to be here because it is fun.

You've got an incredible range with characters. Not only that, you've such a commitment to their development both in the main verses and sideline AUs. For instance, Illinois in both normal verse and villain verse are so well-developed and deep. I've enjoyed seeing how things have developed (and omg don't get me started on Charlie he's PRECIOUS). As for Actor... I really like how he has been able to find his way to a redemption that makes sense. Nothing about any of this feels forced, and it makes me glad to see you're handling this so well. I'm very much looking forward to seeing where things go: with the anons, other characters, and with Wilf.

I am glad that we are friends. Though we've both been utterly swamped lately, I do look forward to when we can simply talk about characters without the pressure to do things. And who knows? I might have to resort to your blogs to help me get used to the ask-development process. :P

BONUS:

"King, huh? That talented son of a gun with th' cute an' equally talented spouse. Yeah, I know th' one. Cute pair, they are. Gotta love me some wholesome couple goals. You two gotta keep that up, okay? Be there fer one another, 'cause it'll make this world a much better place knowin' y've got yer most precious treasure right there by yer side.

But that's me gettin' sidetracked. I'm here ta throw a comment ta Mark. An' I know it probably isn't my place, what with us still being kinda sorta rocky, an' me not exactly rememberin' everythin', but... I've missed him. Took me far too long ta see that, honestly. I know he'd be th' first ta say otherwise, but he is my brother whether he likes it or not. What I did was shitty. What he did was also shitty. In a way, I guess it sorta cancels out.

I guess what I'm tryin' ta say is... It's still a ways away, but I like that I've got my brother back. An' that I remembered I even have a brother ta begin with."

"PS. There's a note from Y.ancy. When I asked him ta say one nice thing, he just rooolllled his eyes an' went "yeah he's fine". So congrats on not bein' too annoying! :D"

[oneforallheadcannonsandshorts]

Hello! I just found you blog and I have to say i absolutly love it! Do u still take requests? If so could i get the First OFA user with a s/o who can cancel out any type of quirk by using her right hand? If ur comfortable writing it could u make s/o pregnant and First had to leave her bc he had to fight his brother. Fast forward and Midoriya meets a girl, the girl being Firsts daughter (she has a long life quirk) and the girl talks about her mother and her father (who she never met) but she's not mad at him for leaving them and tells him how much her mother still loved First so much till her death. Make it angsty with fluffy ending pls. Thanks! Have a nice day/night!

Manga Spoilers Ahead!

Key:

[f/n] = first name

[h/l] = hair length 

[h/c] = hair color

[e/c] = eye color

[s/c] = skin color

[d/n] = daughter’s name

First User meeting his daughter. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is about to walk out the door when a familiar voice stops him. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Asks his wife of nine years, [f/n]. 

“I am and it isn’t like I have much of a choice.” He tells her. 

“Let me help you, with my quirk you’d have a fighting chance!” [f/n] argues. 

[f/n]’s quirk allows her to block quirk genes by the touch of her right hand. A very usual but limited quirk. And he isn’t about to place her on the battle field. He can’t do that to her. Anyone but her. 

“NO! Please, just stop [f/n] ... I love you too much to lose you.” 

“I feel the same. [insert the first user’s first name], please let me help you, we can do this together.” [f/n] continues. 

He knows all to well that she isn’t going to stop. Not until he gives in and let’s her help. It was attitude like this that made him fall in love with her. 

A sigh escapes his lips as he walks over to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he leans in for a kiss. [f/n] latches onto him refusing to let him go. He holds to her slowly breaking the kiss. He gazes into her watery [e/c] eyes. 

She asks, “If I can make one selfish request... Just stay. Just a little longer. Please.” She begs brokenly. 

[insert the first user’s first name] can feel his heart breaking as he nods holding her tighter. “Of course my love.”    

120 years later, set during Izuku’s new work-study with Endeavor

If there is one thing that Izuku understood about the former users is that they all undoubtedly had regrets. All of them had given up so much to protect the people they cared about and create a bright future without All for One. Izuku often feels guilty for living in the future that the seven before him had strived to create. In this mind they should be the ones living in this society. Not him. If there is a way he can bring them back to live in this era, he’d do it. Even if that means he has to or will die to do it. 

Kiddo don’t you fucking dare. 

Izuku jumps at a deep voice which sounds a little like Banjo Daigoro, the Fifth User of One for All. Embarrassedly Izuku rubs the back of his head. He should have known the vestiges can feel his thoughts. He mutters a soft apology but gives no explanation knowing that they already know his reasoning for such thoughts. 

Walking down the sidewalk, Izuku walks with Katsuki on patrol. 

“Can you actually talk with them?” Katsuki asks having heard Izuku mutter. 

“Kind of. It’s only Mr. Banjo right now.” Izuku says. 

“Must suck having a bunch of voices in your heard.” Katsuki says walking head of Izuku. 

“Not really.” Izuku says then softly mummers, “I already know what that is like.”

Oh, good god I wanna hug this child. 

The voice that speaks is a woman’s voice, so Izuku figures that is Shimura Nana. All Might’s master, Shigaraki Tomura’s grandmother, and the seventh One for All user. 

A small smile appears on his face, as he is flattered that Nana wants to give him a hug.  

Continuing their patrol, Izuku notices a young woman with [h/l], [h/c] hair, and [s/c] colored skin. The sight of his girl makes Izuku stop walking as he stares. Staring there is this sensation in his heart. He quickly figures out that this sensation is the result of one of the vestiges, but he can’t figure out which one.

[f/n]...?

So, it’s the first user causing this sensation in his heart. Izuku knows his voice the best because the dream he had before the fight between his class and class one B. 

Isn’t that the name of your wife?

It is.

Didn’t she have a quirk canceler?

She did. 

Then who is...? 

Guys this could be her decedent. 

Dont say that! You’re going to make him feel bad! 

No, no! It’s okay, if that is her decedent then I’m glad she moved on. 

Well why dont we go see for yourselves? Come on kiddo, go make her your friend. 

Izuku wordlessly follows the woman to a park. She walks over to a bench and sits down. Izuku stops himself from walking over trying to figure out how to open a conversation with the woman. As he thinks, twiddling his thumbs, he doesn’t notice the woman is staring at him. 

“Are you okay little hero?” The woman asks suddenly standing before him. 

“Y-Yeah! I...I uh...yo-you looked lonely s-so I thought I’d come s-sit with you for a while.”

The woman giggles, “That’s so sweet of you. My name is Shigaraki [d/n]. What’s your name little hero?”

Shigaraki [d/n]?

Coincidence this lady has your last name?

Doubt it. 

“Deku! My hero name is Deku it is nice to meet you Miss Shigaraki. S-Say you wouldn’t happen to know someone by the name of Shigaraki [insert the first user’s first name], would you?” 

W-Wha-Why is he asking that!?

Clearly he hears us. 

Yeah, but to ask that right off the bat is a little weird. 

No, I think it’s a valid question when you know someone with the same last name. 

“[insert the first user’s first name]? So that was his name.” [d/n] smiles. 

“You know him?”

“Not personally, but my mother talked about him a lot. So see, [insert the first user’s first name] is my father’s name. Or at least that’s what mom always said.”

FATHER!? 

Man is this one hell of a Wednesday!  

[f/n]... S-Sh-She was... she...

Shiggy snap out of it! 

“Whoa, really?!”

“Do you know him?” [d/n] asks. 

“Kind of sorta.” Izuku admits. “If you dont mind me asking, what kind of stories did your mom tell you about him? All I know about him is that he was a man filled of justice and always did the right thing.” 

“That’s what mom always said too. Why dont we sit and talk?” [d/n] suggests. 

“Lead the why Miss Shigaraki!”

“Please, call me [d/n].”

“What kind of quirk do you have?”

“It’s a long life quirk. Which is really strange since my mother could cancel out quirks with her right hand and my dad had a quirk called One for All.” [d/n] explains. 

“Wow!”

As [d/n] and Izuku sit on the park bench, [insert the first user’s first name] is still recovering from the shock of learning he has a daughter. It brings him to tears knowing that he left her when she was pregnant. He was such a horrible husband and [f/n] deserved so much better. Looking at this daughter through Izuku’s eyes he can easily see [f/n]. Hearing how [f/n] never dated or thought about remarrying hurts but at the same time he is glad that despite he was gone she remained faithful to him. 

“So, are the rings you wear around your neck?”

“Hers? Yep! Before my dad left, he gave her his ring as a keepsake. Then when...she passed she gave me hers and his.” [d/n] answers with a smile. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is breaking down in the vestige world hearing all of this. 

“Deku are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah it’s just one of those days when you start crying for no reason.” Izuku lies. 

“Had a few of those days myself.” [d/n] smiles. “Say, do you think my dad would have liked me?” 

Izuku smiles brightly and says, “Yep! If he were here right now I know he would give you a big hug and tell you how much he loves you and how sorry he is for leaving.” 

“Never said I was mad at him for leaving.” [d/n] chuckles. “I know that he had a had every intention of coming home. Deku,”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever fight All for One, knock his teeth out. His smile is creepy as hell.”

HAHA! She ain’t wrong. 

Does she know that’s her uncle she’s talking about? 

He has no right claiming to be her uncle. 

“Yes ma’am!”  

==========================================================================================================================

Thank you for the request and your kind words Anon. I am so very glad that you like my blog. Also I hope you enjoy this read too. Sorry if it isn’t exactly what you had mind. Anyway, have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening!

Master list

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 3)

Summary: Jensen is injured on set which leads to pushing back one of the biggest stunts of the movie. Later on that night, Jensen walks the reader to her car where a few sparks start to fly...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 4,200ish

Warnings: language, minor injury

A/N: Please enjoy!

______

“Jensen! Run it back again!” you called the next morning. He jogged back to his first mark, spinning around and taking a deep breath. He’d taken a hard fall a few takes before on a stray branch and had been slow to get up. You knew something was bothering him but he didn’t say anything so you decided to keep going. “Action!”

Jensen ran through the woods and paused right at the camera, panting a few times before he looked around nervously.

“Cut! Good, very good, Jensen. Just what we need,” you said. “Moving on to 12!”

“Uh, after lunch,” whispered AJ.

“Let’s break for lunch and then get going on the big scene for the day,” you said. You let out a sigh, leaning over to your AD. “Thank you. I thought we were running late again.”

“We’re ahead of schedule. Everyone here gets their union breaks so don’t worry, someone will let you know if we’ve gone too long. Don’t stress so much,” he said with a smile.

“We have one of the biggest stunts of the film today. I am more than a little stressed,” you said. You hopped out of your chair and walked to the lunch line, making sure everyone went through before you went to get yours. You didn’t catch Jensen though and headed to his trailer when you didn’t see him around. “Jensen? Are you in there?”

“Yeah,” you heard from the other side of the door. “What do you need?”

“You get some lunch yet?” you asked.

“I’ll grab it in a minute,” he said.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You were moving a little slow those last few takes.”

“Yeah, fine,” he said. You leaned against the door, staring at the name plate panel on the outside.

“You’re doing a hell of a job of convincing me, Jensen,” you said. 

“Y/N, I’m fine, really,” he said as a small whine came out of him.

You rolled your eyes and opened the door, stepping up and spotting Jensen in his kitchenette without a shirt on.

“For fucks sakes, Y/N. What if I was naked?” he asked, putting his arms around himself. Your gaze went to his ribs, a dark purple spot there he tried to cover up.

“Hey, you are not okay,” you said. He sighed and put down the roll of bandages in his hand on the counter. “Did you get hurt this morning? I saw you fall in the woods. You should have said something.”

“It’s a bruise,” he said. You sighed and stepped over, Jensen closing his eyes. “We have a big stunt this afternoon and as long as I wrap it up-“

“I am cancelling the stunt. We’ll push it back,” you said.

“Y/N-“

“My actors are more important to me than schedules or budgets. You get injured, on or off set, you tell me, no matter what,” you said. “Understand?”

“Okay but-“

“My dad, action hero, supernatural horror, romantic leading man, devilish boy with the soft core, has a very important rule when it comes to acting,” you said.

“What’s that?” he asked, taking a deep breath and wincing.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s your dream role. It doesn’t matter if it’s a story you love. If you’re not respected and treated with kindness on the project, you walk away. If it’s not a safe environment, you walk away. It’s a good rule to have, Jensen,” you said.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I will go tell the studio that we need to push back scene 12. We can do it when you’re healthy. Until then, no stunts for you,” you said.

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” he said.

“Jensen. It’s no trouble at all. Honestly. It’s my job. Now put on your shirt and let's go to medical, get you fixed up and then have some lunch, okay?” you said. He nodded, pausing as he pulled his flannel on. “Need help?”

“I like your dad’s rule,” he said. “I think I’ll be okay on this project though.”

“You will be,” you said. He started to button up his shirt and you turned away to give him his privacy.

“It’s okay, Y/N. It’s not like I don’t have to get down to my undies for this thing at some point,” he said. “I’m so looking forward to that day on set.”

“Well the ladies have a thing for Lyle. But this is your personal space. I’m sorry I came into it without permission. I thought you were hurt. I won’t do it again,” you said. “I promise.”

“It’s okay. You were concerned,” he said, finishing with the buttons. “I’ll just remember to change in my bedroom from now on.”

“Good call. Ready to go get your check up?” you asked.

“Alright,” he said. “Lead the way, boss.”

“I thought I said not to-”

“I’m teasing,” he said, bopping your nose. “Boss.”

“Keep it up, Ackles,” you said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go get you feeling better.”

“I’m really not that bad,” he said as you walked out of his trailer. 

“You don’t want to mess with bruised ribs if you can help it. At least the nurse will be able to get you wrapped up all secure and she probably has some good pain meds,” you said.

“I mean, I can go on my own. I’m not five. You gotta be starving. Go get your lunch, Y/N.”

“Ackles. Anyone ever tell you you’re grumpy when you’re not feeling well?”

“Actually yes,” he chuckled. “My parents would fully agree with you.”

“I had a feeling,” you said. He was a little slow as he walked but you didn’t push him to go faster. “Jensen. If you do get hurt again, please say something. Even outside of work.”

“I will. This kinda sucks,” he said. “Not that I’m a whimp or anything. But it does hurt.”

“What hurts?” asked your dad, popping out of the bathrooms nearby and jogging down the steps.

“Jensen has a nasty bruise from a fall this morning. I just want him to get checked out in case,” you said. “We’re going to push back scene 12 in the meantime.”

“Hm. Any idea what we’ll do instead?” asked your dad.

“Something easy going. I have to see what sets we have available,” you said.

“What about when Hale and Lyle sit and talk that night? You could probably do that without too much hassle in the studio,” said Jensen.

“He does have a point,” you said. “Scenes twenty eight and nine and thirty three? You guys think you could study those while I get it organized?” you asked.

“Yeah. I think that’ll be good. Oh and Jensen. Put some aspercreme on that bruise tonight before bed, ice for ten minutes and then wrap it. It’ll help. I’ve taken my fair share of hits,” said your dad.

“Thanks Ethan,” said Jensen as you went over towards the medical area with him. You got on your radio and told Mark and AJ the new plan while Jensen was checked out by the nurse. You knew you’d be getting a nasty phone call probably within the hour but you tried not to think of that when Jensen came outside and gave you a thumbs up.

“Doing okay?” you asked.

“Not broken. Just bruised the muscle. Got some medicine and a better fitting wrap to use. I feel better already,” he said. “But I was advised to take it easy for the next week.”

“Awesome. I’m glad it’s not too bad. We’ll make sure that we rework the schedule to do some easy-going scenes for you this week,” you said. Jensen walked with you back towards the lunch tent, most people either done or wrapping up with their food. You got a wrap and salad, sitting down with Jensen at a free table. You wolfed down your food, Jensen chewing slowly. He stared at you and you ate more slowly, Jensen chuckling quietly.

“I like a girl that’s not afraid to eat,” he said. “Go for it.”

“I don’t know why I’m rushing anyways. Everyone needs time to prepare for the new scenes,” you said. “You probably have an hour or two to learn your lines.”

“Oh don’t worry about that,” he said. You took a bite and tried to enjoy your meal, Jensen looking like he was in less pain than earlier. “So how do you become a director?”

“Hate yourself and the idea of ever sleeping again,” you said, smiling to yourself, Jensen returning it. “Well the truth is I grew up on film sets. I know a lot of stuff that most people don’t get to learn until they’re older. I started working when I was fourteen on set actually. Only a few hours a week after school or on the weekend but I learned a lot about camera work, pacing, lighting, basically everything. By the time I was done with college, I was interning in the production office and when I was working on my deal for the movie a few years later, I was confident enough that I knew all of the ins and outs to pull it off.”

“Wow. You were in training your whole life for this, huh,” he said.

“Sorta. I actually had a pretty average desk job for two years after college. I was writing in my spare time but I didn’t do any of this kind of stuff then. I missed working on something like this. Once the book was published, I knew I was going to write for a career and get back in the business if I could,” you said. 

“I’m glad you came back to it. I like working here,” he said, showing off a soft smile and bright green eyes. “The set I mean. It’s better than pretty much every project I’ve ever worked on.”

“It’s only day three. I have plenty of time to mess this up,” you said. You let out a dry laugh, Jensen cocking his head, giving you a friendly 

“Maybe that’s true but you have to have some serious talent to be put in charge. I wouldn’t write that off for nothing if I were you,” he said. You nodded and finished up with your wrap, diving into your salad as you noticed a piece of his hair flop down over his forehead. 

“You even got Lyle’s hair,” you said, pointing towards it. Jensen cocked his head and ran his hand over his forehead and up, the piece sticking back up. “Fixed it.”

“Thanks,” he said, wetting his thumb and running it over the spot.

“I caught a bit of your reel from when you were on Supernatural,” you said. Jensen paused but continued eating. “You do realize it was a good show. It wasn’t cancelled for bad acting.”

“I wish we could have gone a little longer is all. I really liked that story,” he said.

“Maybe someday Netflix could pick it up or something. You never know,” you said.

“Maybe. Right now though Lyle has my full attention,” he said. He took his last forkful of lunch and swallowed. “I better go learn my lines.”

“You got some time. Don’t rush,” you said. He hummed and stood up, turning to leave.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said over his shoulder. “Thanks for writing the book.”

“Thank you for reading it,” you said softly.

“You got this,” he said before he took off back towards his trailer. You smiled to yourself and tried to believe what he said. 

Then your phone had to ring and you saw your boss calling.

“I’m sure this is going to go well.”

“Hey,” said your dad as you stretched from your chair at the end of the day. “I heard that studio exec said more than a few not nice things today.”

“Yup,” you said as you grabbed your bag. “Kinda made that time I cried after failing Calculus seem like not such a big deal.”

“You were such a good student. Your first semester of college was a hard change. Also your professor was a dick,” he said.

“Yeah, well nothing compared to being told off by my boss,” you said.

“I called Bryerson,” he said. You whipped your head around.

“Dad. I told you not to do me any favors on this whole deal,” you said.

“It wasn’t a favor. I heard what happened, just like everyone else. I called all of our bosses to let him know that you prioritized safety over a stunt. It won’t even cost that much to push filming back. You want to know what he said? That was the right call. You just made a friend up top today, kiddo,” he said.

“...Don’t call Bryerson for me again,” you said as you turned away. “Thank you.”

“Get some sleep at home tonight, Y/N,” he said. 

“I will. Give Anthony a noogie for me,” you said.

“What’s Ella getting?” he asked with a smirk.

“Also noogie. I’m an equal opportunist older sibling torturer,” you said, laughing to yourself.

“You can always move back home, kiddo. We miss you,” he said.

“I’m twenty seven dad. I stayed long enough. I need my own space,” you said. “But I’ll try to be better about coming home more.”

“I know. Still getting used to it is all. So go home, try to relax and remember you did a good thing today,” he said. “Want a ride home?”

“No. I have a quick meeting but then I’ll get out of here, promise,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yes you will. Night, sweetie,” he said. You got a quick hug before he headed for his trailer and you went to the production office to go over your new filming schedule.

An hour later you trudged out of the office with a yawn. You slipped on your jacket and backpack, hitting a few lights in the quiet building before you walked out the front door. You hummed and headed across the studio lot for the parking lot, whistling as you went.

You were about halfway there when you heard a noise come from the trailers. You paused and looked over at the little maze of them, poking your head down a dark row.

“Hello?” you asked.

“Do you always talk-“

“Fuck!” you shouted, spinning around, Jensen wincing in your face behind you. “I’m sorry.”

“I probably deserved that,” he said. “Sorry for scaring you. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“I thought I heard something,” you said.

“It’s probably the generator. It kicks on sometimes,” he said.

“What are you still doing here? We wrapped an hour ago,” you said.

“I was watching dailies and had to sign some worker’s injury report thing at medical,” he said. “You?”

“Got bitched at again for pushing the stunt back,” you said.

“Y/N-“

“Jensen. I will take the bitching. I’m happy with my decision today,” you said. “Don’t worry about it. How’d the dailies look?”

“Cool,” he said. You giggled and he laughed. “Sorry. I know that’s not the technical term.”

“No. Cool is what I’m hoping for,” you said. “You like the camera stuff?”

“My dad’s an actor too actually. I grew up hearing about the whole industry. I’ve always been interested in the process,” he said.

“Ah. Another Hollywood baby,” you said.

“Nothing like you. I grew up in a house in the suburbs, nothing fancy or anything. I came here like once before I tried out acting. I had a very boring stereotypical childhood,” he said.

“I would have liked that,” you said. “We moved a lot growing up. It wasn’t until my dad got married that I went to the same school and stuff.”

“Yeah but your dad is Ethan Y/L/N. That’s pretty awesome,” he said, smiling wide. “It’s got to be fun working with him.”

“It is. It’s nice to see more of him. I moved out two years ago. I don’t make it home much lately,” you said.

“Any reason why?” he asked.

You shrugged, Jensen nodding. 

“I moved in with my boyfriend,” you said.

“Oh.”

“He’s not in the picture anymore, hasn’t been for about a year,” you said.

“Oh,” he said. “Yeah, I’m kinda between girlfriends myself.”

“Wow,” you laughed. Jensen chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I like that. It’s funny.”

“Sorry. Last girlfriend sort of slipped some personal stuff about me in an interview. I wasn’t a fan. It kinda turned me off from dating to be honest,” he said.

“She give out your address or something?”

“Talked about our sex life to MTV,” he said. 

“Oh. Wow. That’s just bad,” you said. 

“Yup. I don’t care if she thought she was giving me a compliment. That’s too personal to share,” he said.

“I don’t blame you,” you said.

“Being single has its perks though, right?” he asked. “We can stay up how late we want, no one to crowd the bathroom. No one eats your leftovers on you. It’s not the worst thing in the world, that’s for sure.”

“Oh yeah,” you said. You had to admit there were some upsides but having someone to come home to wouldn’t be half bad either. You gave him a smile, Jensen turning towards the parking lot a ways off. “I uh, should get home. We have an early day tomorrow.”

“I thought we didn’t have filming until two?” he asked.

“You don’t. I’ve got an assload of prep work to do before filming starts,” you said. He nodded and looked at you, the night air quiet. He moved a little closer and you saw his eyes dip down to your lips for a brief moment.

“I’m sure you do but you should probably sleep in,” he said, cupping your cheek. You stared at him, his hand quickly pulling away. “Uh, bags under the eyes.”

“You sure know how to make a sleep deprived girl feel pretty,” you laughed. He chuckled but it was forced and you saw him make a face at himself.

“Sorry. I uh, still get nervous around you,” he said.

“I wrote a book. Ain’t no reason to be nervous with me, Jensen,” you said, giving him a smile. “We should both probably head home though and get some sleep.”

“Agreed,” he said. You started to walk towards the lot, Jensen walking the other way for a second. “Sorry. Forgot I parked in the far lot.”

“I thought the actors had their own lot right around the corner?” you said. He stared at you, looking past with a tired smile.

“Just let me walk you to your car. It’s the least I can do after scaring you,” he said.

“I’m a big girl, Jensen,” you said.

“I know that. But let me walk you,” he said.

“Is this a you’re a gentleman thing?” you asked.

“This is me asking my friend if I can walk her to her car late at night so that I feel a little better knowing she got there safe,” he said.

“Alright,” you said, Jensen staying by your side as you walked in the quiet night air. “Thank you.”

“I’m not perfect but my parents did a few things right,” he said.

“My dad would appreciate that,” you said. “Mom too but dad’s always been a tad protective.”

“I never realized that the Y/L/N that wrote The Dark Woods was related to Ethan Y/L/N,” he said.

“You a fanboy of all the Y/L/N’s or just me?” you teased, getting closer when you heard shuffling on the other side of the lot fence.

“Well every boy growing up the past two decades thought he was awesome,” he said, moving to your other side. “I liked your book a lot though.”

“Why?” you asked. “I get that Lyle is kind of a dreamboat and like, the ideal guy but why do you like it? Give me the guy’s perspective.”

“Because Lyle could have been a bad guy and he turned out to be good,” he said. “Hale really treated him well.”

“Hale did kind of kidnap Lyle just a smidge,” you said with a laugh.

“Because he thought Lyle killed his son,” he said. “Then he ends up taking Lyle under his wing.”

“You know, I almost had Hale be evil,” you said.

“Why? Their relationship is even more important than Lyle and Molly’s,” said Jensen. “Nothing against Molly, I love her too but Hale and Lyle is so interesting to read about.”

“It was a rough time and I took it out on my characters,” you said. “It was wrong though, to do that to Lyle. Sorry. I know he’s not real.”

“You created him. He’s real, Y/N. He’s a good role model, for men and women,” he said. 

“So you like his relationship with Hale the best?” you asked.

“Lyle was alone and Hale was kind to him after he realized Lyle didn’t hurt his son. Hale became a good dad to him,” said Jensen. 

“Hale’s based on my dad a bit you know,” you said. 

“Your dad is a vigilante?” teased Jensen.

“No. No. But you know, he was a single dad to his son and then to Lyle. I know what that’s like,” you said.

“I’m glad you didn’t make Hale evil,” said Jensen. “It would have crushed Lyle.”

“You really know that character, don’t you,” you said.

“He’s not a stereotypical guy. He’s not any one thing but at the end of the day, he’s good. I don’t know, it’s just...he’s more like how guys actually are, you know?” he said.

“Not in my experience,” you said. “Guys fucking suck. Except you. You’re sweet.”

“Well, you’ve also never dated me so it’s entirely possible I do indeed suck,” he chuckled. 

“Jensen,” you said as you spotted your car and started to slow. “I um…”

“I know. Fanboy has to learn when to keep his mouth shut,” he said. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

“Hey,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could head back for the other lot. “I think it’s cool you like this story so much. No one besides my family ever encouraged me to write or thought I was any good until I got published. I think Lyle’s really lucky he ended up with having you play him.”

“I’ll try to do him justice,” said Jensen.

“Jensen,” you said again. “Saturday night. I...I don’t think us seeing each other outside of work is such a good idea after all.”

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” he said as he turned away.

“I’m just crazy busy and I’m not ready for a relationship, Jensen. Maybe neither of us are. After filming is done we could-”

“It’s okay. I get it. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. You sighed and stared at him, waiting for him to go. “Get in your car.”

“Why?”

“So I know you got in your car okay,” he groaned. “Just do it.”

“Guys don’t do that sort of shit outside of movies and books,” you said.

“Yes they do,” he said with a small smile. “You obviously haven’t met too many great guys then.”

“Thank you for walking me to my car,” you said as you put your hand on the door. He didn’t say anything and you rolled your eyes, sliding inside before you were turning the keys and heading home.

______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[chwesangel]

My sunshine ☼ Felix

Lee Felix x Reader

Neutral reader + Fluff + Non Idol AU

Words: 1.8k+

As the weather grew hotter, your feelings for your best friend grew too. Felix has been the light in your life since the moment you met in middle school but recently your feelings had turned more romantic than platonic.

—

5 years ago

"Can I sit here?"

You looked up toward the voice and met eyes with a soft looking boy who's cheeks were dusted with freckles and a light blush.

You smiled and nodded, giggling when you saw him fumble with his backpack as he moved into the seat next to you. "I'm Y/N." You said, holding out your hand for him to shake.

"I'm Felix." He responded and took your hand.

'Oh my gosh... Tiny...' you thought to yourself, looking down at his hand. "New here?" You questioned.

He nodded and before he could say anything else your teacher started class.

3 years ago

Ever since the afternoon Felix sat next to you, you guys were practically attached at the hip. Today the two of you were sitting on his couch playing Mario Kart and after what felt like the 20th round he put the controller down and looked over to you.

"Ready for school tomorrow?" He asked.

You shook your head. "No, not really. What if we don't have any classes together? Who else am I supposed to talk to?"

He laughed. "I'll still see you at lunch and between classes and after school and literally every second we're not in class."

"Promise you won't replace me with someone else though? And especially not a girlfriend or boyfriend. I come first." You joked

He laughed and held out his pinky. "I swear on my gaming skills"

You gasped and linked your fingers. "Woah that's a big risk, sunshine."

Sunshine. You had started calling that one night you guys had stayed up later than usual and we're sitting on your roof.

4 years ago

"Are you okay?" he asked, laying a hand on your shoulder.

You nodded. "It's just been hard I guess. School stresses me out, friends are too much drama anymore."

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"Just you being here with me is helping. You make my days easier and my life brighter. Like my own personal sunshine."

He smiled at that. "Your own personal sunshine, huh?"

"My sunshine." You laughed and poked his cheek.

1 year ago

You sure hoped Felix's gaming skills reflected his broken promise. Near the end of the school year he had started dating one of your mutual friends, Melody. Now don't get me wrong you were happy for him but he completely brushed you to the side.

Every time you wanted to hang out there would be something else taking his attention. "Sorry I can't, me and Mel have a date tonight." or "Not tonight, I have to help Mel study. Summer school, you know?" and your least favorites were the "I have to cancel tonight, Y/N Im sorry. Mel asked me to come over."

You were glad they got along so well and that he was so happy but you hadn't hung out all summer. Them constantly being together would be fine if he hadn't straight up canceled plans to hang out with her without a second thought.

By the end of the summer they had broken up and you got your best friend back. You spent the next two weeks taking care of him and doing anything you could to make him feel better. Deep down you were almost happy about the breakup which killed you. You felt guilty but then again, could anyone blame you for being happy that Felix was spending time with you again?

—

Now it was the last week before summer began. The last week before you were finally done with school. The last week before you and Felix would be adults and have responsibilities that took up most of your time.

You guys agreed that you'd be roommates once you moved out of your parents houses. You agreed that you'd help each other with anything and everything. You agreed that regardless of what happened, you'd support each other endlessly.

As the final day of school came to an end, you and Felix walked out of the building with a cheer, the air filled with laughed and excitement for summer.

"Soooooo Y/N," He started as you guys got into his car. "You thinking beach bonfire or drive-in movie to kick off the start of our adult lives?"

You chuckled and thought for a moment. "Bonfire, then we climb up to my roof like we used to and just talk, yeah?"

He nodded "Sounds perfect." He said with a smile.

—

The sun had started to set and you were in Felix's car again, driving down to the beach. He had the radio loud and the two of you sang along to whatever overplayed song came on. Everything felt perfect in that moment and you silently prayed that it would never end.

Once you had reached your destination, you guys grabbed whatever you would need and made your way out to the beach. The blanket had been laid out and he got the fire started, Felix took a seat next to you.

"I don't think I'm ready to grow up, Y/N." He whispered.

You laid your hand on his back and rubbed slow circles. "Me either but we're going to be here for each other through everything, right?"

He nodded. "I know that I kinda sorta broke the promise last time we did this but can we promise each other something?" He said whole holding out his pinky.

You took it in yours. "Of course we can."

"We'll still be there to support each other even if someone else comes into the picture? Even if we get married and start a family with someone other than each other?"

Other than each other... You didn't want to start a life with anyone other than him. You wanted him to keep being your own personal sunshine. You didn't want to have to share. But you couldn't tell him that.

"I promise, sunshine." You said with a smile.

The night carried on slowly, but you wouldn't want it to go any faster. At some point you had ended up in his arms, laying against his chest. You could hear his every heat beat, every embarrassed noise he made when you brought up an old story, and everything bright laugh as you two reminisced about all the times you had spent together while growing up.

You two grew up together. He was there for every heartbreak when your crush didn't like you back, he was there to comfort you every time your parents fought, he was there to help you study for every test and there to take you out for ice cream to make you feel better if you failed, he was there for every big moment of your life.

Just as he was there for you, you were there for him. You saw the good, the bad, the scared, everything. If someone had asked what your world was like before him you probably couldn't answer.

Because over time he had become your whole world.

Every time you looked at him your heart was filled with so much joy you felt like it could burst. It wasn't until recently you had realized how beautiful his laugh sounded, or how dull the world seemed when he wasn't by your side.

You had fallen completely in love with the boy who you had relied on since the first day you met. You could only hope that maybe he felt the same.

"We should probably get going so we can actually sit on your roof to stargaze while the stars are still out." Felix laughed and shifted to get up.

You stood up and stretched before staring to gather your things and Felix put out the fire. Once you were back at his car you put everything in the trunk and before you could get in Felix stopped you.

"I love you, Y/N. I really don't know where I'd be without you." He whispered while pulling you into a hug.

You hugged him back as tightly as you could and held onto him like your life depended on it. "I love you too, Lix. More than anything."

You two stayed like that for a minute before he pulled away with a sigh. A smile was plastered on his face as he walked to the drivers side and got in.

The drive was silent except the gentle music that came from the speakers and Felix humming along to it. He pulled into your driveway and the two of you walked over to the side of your house and climbed up onto your roof.

—

You guys had sat for awhile, talking about plans for the future, how you felt about school being over, summer plan, anything and everything you could.

Eventually the topic had moved to love, family, once again your guys' future. You felt nervous as you debated telling him about your feelings. Once you had decided you would you went to open your mouth to say something but he spoke up first.

"Y/N, I can't imagine a future that isn't with you. You're all I can see. I'm so in love with you... I just wish I had told you earlier. I understand if you don't feel the same I just... I wanted you to know..." He said while taking your hand in his.

"You mean that?" You whispered back to him.

He nodded. "With all my heart."

"I love you too. I have for awhile now. I love you a lot more than I knew I could actually." You said.

He smiled and leaned in to kiss you. When the two of you pulled away he smirked at you and said "Who needs to look up when I can see the stars in your eyes right now."

You rolled your eyes at his cheesy line and tapped the tip of his nose. "Yeah well I can find at least three constellations in your freckles right now. You're even prettier than the night sky, you know that sunshine?"

"That's ironic." He laughed and kissed you again.

—

Years had passed and you and Felix were together now. Despite the occasional arguments that all couples had, everything was perfect. You were happier than you knew was possible with him and he felt the same. Living in a small apartment in the city with your soulmate made each day feel like heaven on earth. He was your heaven on earth.

With your hands interlocked, you guys walked along the same beach you had gone to the night you confessed to each other. At some point he stopped and when you turned to look at him he was down on one knee pulling something out from his pocket.

"Y/N, remember when I said I couldn't imagine a future that wasn't with you? Well I wanna make that a reality. You are my future. So will you marry me?" He said with a worried smile on his face.

You laughed excitedly and nodded while he got up to kiss you. "Of course I'll marry you, sunshine." you whispered with a smile as big as possible.

(Admin Angel ☀️)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML au: Childhood Soulmates: Chat Blanc: (Version 1. The Finale) (Part 1 of 3)

(ML spoilers for Chat blanc, Miracle Queen, Because Chat Blanc takes place AFTER Miracle queen.

I should note that this is very different from the actual episode because this is technically is the finale for Childhood soulmates not miracle queen.

-Marinette has been burying herself in her guardian work, doing her best to focus on being the best guardian she can be. She hardly does anything outside of school at this point. Its been about two weeks.

-Adrien is also worried, very worried. He knew she has been through some s***, though she isn't mentioning it.

-Alya and the girls try to hang with her after school. Marinette thanks them but says she can't.

-Adrien talks to her, it is their Bi weekly movie night. They canceled the last one and he thought tonight would be.... denied.

-The Fencing tournament thing happens (or match, whatever that thing was in . Adrien sorta Vents his frustration in fencing. He crushes the tournament.

-Kagami comments that he is bothered by something.

-Adrien confesses that he is worried about Marinette.

-Kagami tells him its time

-”What do you mean?”

-”Confess you sappy tree stump! You are literally killing the mood of our team wining the tournament with your weakness.”

-Adrien is oddly motivated.

-He decides to go and see Marinette.

-He tries getting in the bakery after dropping off Kagami and pretending to go up to his room.

-Tom and Sabine are happy to see him, but Marinette asked not to be disturbed.

-”Even me?”

-Sabine and tom sadly nod.

-Adrien walks out.

-Plagg telling him that Marinette has a lot on her mind and probably just needs some time. They can go get cheese.

-Adrien decides to use his powers to get to the balcony.

-Super stealth so marinette doesn't hear.

-He transforms back into Adrien and enters the trap door.

-”Look Marinette I know you said you were busy, but I and our friends are really worried about you. I need to know if you are okay because I....”

-Adrien looks to see Marinette frozen, a miracle box on her bed, dozens of Kwami around her, including Tikki.

-Marinette sees Adrien, and she just starts hyperventilating.

- Adrien rushes to her, Its been years since Marinette has had a panic attack. The other kwami are so confused and scared.

-Adrien knew what to do and gets her to be stable.

-Marinette realizing she just had a panic attack. Adrien holds her close. The boy is happy she is okay.

-Marinette explains that this is awful. No one can know about this. She can't have anyone know she is the guardian.

-”There is only one other person that should know... as much as I trust you. You can't understand.”

- Marinette tells him its chat noir.

-Adrien blinks, then smiles.

-”But my Lady, I am he.”

-Plagg flies out.

-Marinette tackles Adrien. she keeps telling him how incredibly reckless and stupid he is. 

-”It was already awful knowing Chat noir was at risk. But You are him! You are the guy who has been fighting with me this whole time.”

-”I always said it was us against the world Maribun.”

-”You know its dangerous that we know each other’s identities now.”

-”Yea, but that doesn't make me love you any less. So I can deal.”

-Marinette giggles. 

-”Flirting now? You know If I didn't know any better, I would think you were seriously in love with me.”

-”Have been since we were 6 but hey, glad it didn't take a decade for it to be known.”

-Marinette stops.

-Adrien takes her hands.

-”I am in love with you Marinette. I have been for so long. But I was so afraid of Losing you, I never stated it outright, always trying to play it off. But... Marinette. You are the one person I love more then anyone else in the world.”

-Marinette felt her face flush.

-Adrien also turns red.

-”Oh Kwamis I finally said it. Okay, I think I will go in the corner and just pray that it won't be awkward when you turn me do...”

-Marinette gives him a big kiss. A real one. A kiss of romantic intent long over due.

-”I love you too, you stupid banana head.”

______________________________________________________________________

-The next day. Marinette is her happy peppy self again. Alya is relieved.

-”Glad to have you back. Now everything is back to how it was before. Perfect”

-”Well, not everything is not exactly the same as before.”

-Adrien shows up.

-”Hey alya, hey beautiful.”

-Alya laughs, everything feels normal, Adrien flirting with Marinette.

-Marinette rolls her eyes, still smiling

-”Always with the compliments you cheesy flirt.”

-”Well you can always shut me up.”

-Alya’s jaw dropped when she saw them kissing. not the friendly kiss on the cheek. Nope. THAT IS A IN A RELATIONSHIP KISS.

-The class was ecstatic.

_______________________________________________________________________

-Thus the wheels were in motion for something big

[cmzucchero]

supercorptober day three: dancing

summary: Rossi invites the team to a Halloween party. 

reader x bau

warning: drinks & partying

———————————————————————

“Jeez, these files are going to be the death of me. It seems like every one I do, three more shows up.”  Emily says, slumping farther down into her chair. 

Your team just came back from a case in Oregon and the whole floor was empty. 

“It’s the spookiness of Halloween.” Penelope responds, spinning in Derek’s chair. 

“Yeah, it sure is scary. ‘The paperwork that killed everyone’.” Prentiss chuckles

“Does anyone have any plans tonight?” JJ asked, walking into the bullpen. 

“Depends on what your next sentence is.” Derek said, walking back from the kitchenette. 

“Thankfully, I don’t come bearing bad news. I was just wondering before I have to go home and help Will put down the boys.” 

“Well my plan does not involve any of you guys, no offense.” You said smiling, closing your last file.

“No offense taken.” Spencer said, clearly absent minded since he was messing with some trinkets on his desk.

“I’m glad I haven’t missed you guys!” Rossi said, walking out of his office. 

A collective groan escapes the team’s mouth. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll just cancel my party planners.” David said, putting up his hands and turning back into his office.

“Party? Like, Halloween Party? Like, one that won’t be on a plane going to another state to investigate freaky murder stuff?” Penelope stopped spinning and sat up in her (Derek’s) chair. 

“Yup, Halloween party that will not be in a plane, but at my house.” David said, now facing the team again. 

“And when will this amazing party be?” You said, leaning back in your chair and turning to face Rossi on the top of the catwalk.

“This Saturday, you guys know the place.” Smiling, Rossi turned on his heel and walked back into his office. 

“Alright!” Was all Penelope said before jumping up and quickly walking back to her office. 

 “Shoot, shoot, shoot” It was the day of the party and you were late. You decided to dress up as Lucy from I Love Lucy during the grape crushing scene. You had decided to do the makeup last, and that was definitely a mistake seeing as though you haven’t worn lipstick in years and you sorta forgot how to apply it. 

Finally, you make it to the door and do a mental checklist: costume, treats for the kids, wine, and a change of shoes. Perfect. You swing open the door and lock it behind you. 

The drive was uneventful so to say you were a bit surprised when Penelope opened the door as Harley Quinn with all the boys behind her in the living room doing karaoke would be an understatement. 

“Hi, Puddin’” 

“Hey, Penny! You look so good!!” 

“So do you, Lucy!” 

You hand Penelope the bottle of wine while stepping into the decorated mansion. After entering the house, you can now hear that the boys were all singing Adele. Spencer and Derek dramatically fell and clutched their hearts everytime the chorus hit. 

After watching the scene for a few more verses you decided to join the girls who were all indulging in the wine at the bar. 

“Nice vampire, Prentiss.” 

“Thankth” She said in response. A lisp being caused due to the fangs.

“And of course the angel is an angel.” You said towards JJ. 

She just smiled, bringing her glass back up to her mouth.

“Well I’m on cloud 9 not having to endure another trick or treat fiasco.” JJ said after swallowing her wine.

All four of the girls cringe, remembering what happened last year when the whole team decided to take the kids trick or treating. 

“Yeah, at least down this street they’ll be getting the king sized bars.” You pointed out. 

Everyone agreed, then walked up to the dance floor now that the boys were done with their song. 

Rossi put on some more music and everyone danced, and danced, and danced. 

Your first partner was Penelope who was definitely hard to keep up with, so you moved over to Rossi. Somehow, the oldman bested you as well! 

You took a break after a few more songs, meeting up with Spencer. 

“Nice costume Captain Kirk” you said, nudging into Spencer

“Thanks, Lucy. You know, your episode of I Love Lucy was actually one of the most viewed episodes of the series. First one being ‘Lucy Goes to the Hospital.’” 

“Actually, I did. I used to watch all of the documentaries of the show when I was younger.” 

Spencer nods and takes another sip of his punch. 

A new song comes on so you hold out your hand and pull him back out onto the dance floor. 

You lost count how many times you danced with each member of the team. You also lost track of time. It wasn’t until the kids came back when you knew it was pretty late. 

“Hold it right there Jason, Mickey, and Beetlejuice.” 

Henry, Micheal, and Jack all waited, holding out their trick or treat bags. You tell them to shut the bags and they all get noticeably disappointed. You felt a bit guilty, but when you turned back around with a plate of cupcakes and saw how their faces lit up it all washed away.

You went back to the dance floor when JJ relieved Will of his trick or treat duties. For the rest of the night you all danced and sang, until people started to drop. Then, Rossi popped in a movie, ensuring the kids were all either gone or asleep. 

Everyone woke up the next morning, some more hungover than others, and had a delicious breakfast that Rossi and Hotch prepared.

AN: thank you for taking the time to read my little blurb!! i am going to try to take part of this challenge even though i’m a tad bit late!! i posted the prompts on my page so let me know if you want to see any specifics! i hope you all enjoyed the reading!! i’m currently working on a request so if you guys have anymore, my requests are opennn!!! hope everyone has a spooky day!! <33

[emilyblame]

Let’s start with fandom

ok. this is gonna take forever.

Cherry Red.

i think this song is pretty straightforward. and since the main theme across the album is grief (surprise, surprise, it ain’t fandom), i think it pretty much represents the beginning of grief: the defeat after being beaten one too many times. first by his break-up with Ciara, and then their old label (Equal Vision) keeping all the rights to their music and original art. also, i think the name comes from Awsten’s synesthesia, and then he stuck with calling Ciara “Cherry Red” because it either sounded cool, or it was something that he actually called her, we’ll never know.

Watch What Happens Next.

this one is extremely straightforward too, there’s really not much room for interpretation. just read the lyrics. this song is a fucking kick in the nuts not just to the fandom in general, but to the music industry too. it’s a big FUCK YOU to everybody who wants something from them without giving anything in return. and also to everybody who thinks they’re entitled to tell them how to create their art.

Dream Boy.

i mean, we’ve been here, we’ve talked about this. Awsten’s talked about this. this song is about being put on a pedestal so fucking high, he’s gonna crack his skull when y’all inevitably feel like he’s not worth it anymore. it’s about confining Awsten in this little fucked up box where you like to believe he’s perfect and flawless, but the second he does something ‘wrong’ (aka: something you believe it’s out of character for him, or something that doesn’t fit with the image you have created of him) you wanna toss him out and ‘cancel’ him. i’ve said this so many times before but: kids, don’t let Awsten let you down. he’s just a guy.

Easy To Hate.

this is obviously a break-up song. but it’s not your regular mopey-break-up song. it’s about the exact moment when he realized, “you know what? i loved you, but what we had was toxic as fuck and i’m glad it’s over.” like that moment when something stops hurting, and you don’t have the strength to be mad about it. don’t worry, he’ll be mad about it later in the album… because grief is a loop, apparently.

High Definition.

long story short, the first half of this song is about Awsten realizing how non-functional his relationship with Ciara was, you know? in hindsight. about staying away, knowing that’s what’s best for him, but still missing her. and the second half is about how much it sucks to be a touring musician, in every aspect of his life. sad patch in the grief path. low, low point.

Telephone.

this one is about having a crush on someone but doing nothing about it because you’re not in the right mental state to be in any sort of relationship. it is like a little cloudless patch in an otherwise stormy sky. a ray of sunshine. a spike of joy when you thought all was lost. continuing on in the path of grief. it’s the Waterpark’s version of Paramore’s Crushcrushcrush, someone had to say it.

Group Chat.

Aawsten worded it better (obviously), but the idea of Awsten’s voice being all fucked up is that you’ll never know how the other person is feeling just by reading them on social media. and also, about the fact that grief and pain is not something that happens once and when you’re 'fine’ or you’ve 'moved on’, you’re happy again and back to normal. it’s meant to represent how the pain, and depression, and anxiety, and every shitty thing that happens to you stays with you forever. and just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there (yeah, i just totally stole Chester’s words for this– god, i loved that man. and i miss him everyday.)

Turbulent.

i feel like this song is Easy To Hate’s angrier sister. like, it’s still about his break-up and it’s still about him realizing how much better off he is now, but… angrier. he’s not just, “what we had was toxic as fuck and i’m glad it’s over,” it’s more like, “what we had was toxic as fuck, and i’m tight as fuck, and you should be so lucky, lose my number.” angry patch of grief.

Never Bloom Again.

and we’re back to sad. but it’s not please-take-me-back-i’m-nothing-without-you sad. it’s an i-know-i’m-better-off-but-i-can’t-help-but-still-miss-you sad. and also a kind of i’m-broken-beyond-repair sad (which makes me incredibly sad.) but i mean, the lyrics pretty much speak for themselves. one thing that i really love about this song is something that Travis also pointed out, and it’s that the line “all the girls in Los Angeles look like you from a distance,” has that dual interpretation of meaning that he either sees her everywhere or that she’s not special at all, that she’s just like every other girl in L.A.

I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore

again, pretty straightforward lyrics. again with the anger. this is more like, sad angry. frustrated angry. i’m-sick-of-this angry. again touching the main theme of Dream Boy and maybe mixing a little bit of High Definition, i feel like this song is about everything he hates about the way his life was the moment he wrote it. like, all the cons of every aspect of his life. the cons of being popular on twitter, the cons about getting bigger as a band, the cons about living with the fact that he put his heart in someone’s trust and she shattered it like it meant nothing. i love the ending, when he starts repeating, “But I guess its fine, it’s cool,” and it gets progressively more frustrated and agressive, like he’s trying to convince himself that what he’s saying is true. like, if he keeps repeating himself that he’s fine and that things are cool, he might end up actually believing it.

War Crimes.

so, much like Watch What Happens Next, this song is really straightforward. actually, i like to think of it as WWHN’s b-side. like, they’re different sides of the same coin. because where WWHN criticizes the fandom and the music industry, War Crimes is a critic on how fucked up his own peers are too. like, the other bands, instead of becoming allies in the 'fight’ against the industry, they stab each other in the back to get to the finish line first. it’s about knowing who your real friends are; and how far he’s willing to go to ‘make it’.

[Reboot].

this one is a little on the sad angry side. but lyrics are also pretty straightforward; they’re about his break-up with Ciara, there’s not really much to read into.

Worst.

this one is angry angry, kinda like Turbulent. like, [Reboot] sorta states the way he feels about the relationship now (aka: when he wrote the song), and Worst is like, “And this is exactly how you broke me.”

Zone Out.

the reason i think this bit is here is to say, “am i still the boy you dreamed of?” like, after hearing all of this, after hearing how broken i am, do you still think i’m perfect? do you still think you want me?

I Felt Younger When We Met.

lyrics speak for themselves here. and we’re back to defeat… because grief is a loop. and so is the album. literally. i fucking love that so much. stupid sexy Awsten with his talented brain, i wanna kick him and hug him…

[nattikay]

So I don’t typically like making personal posts of this type, as I generally come here to escape all that and relax, but at this point I’m just not really sure where else to go with it, all things considered.

Anyways...I’ve been...stressed lately. No, coronavirus isn’t the root cause of it, but it certainly ain’t helping (as I will explain later).

So the first thing I guess...is my younger sister’s wedding tomorrow. To explain why this is a stressor I first have to reveal a bit about myself, a little deeper than I am usually comfortable doing on the internet, and I know it’s ultimately gonna make me sound like...kinda a selfish butthole.

So...I’ve always greatly valued the concept of marriage and family. It’s a value I hold very dear, I always have, and I’ve always wanted to one day get married and have kids of my own. However, I’ve also always struggled hugely with social anxiety, for pretty much as long as I can remember, and needless to say dating does not come easily to me.

For a while, that was ok because I had other goals to work towards in the meantime...getting into my college of choice...getting into their animation program...doing well in my classes...graduating...getting a job...but now I’ve done all those things, and getting married would be the natural next step in life. 

...if I could actually fall in love with someone. 

So I’m stuck. I feel like I’m just treading water, or running in circles. I feel like I can’t progress and it’s scary. But progressing itself, going out and meeting people, opening myself up like that--is also scary. It’s like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. A lose-lose situation. 

I did have a sort-of boyfriend towards the end of college, but then I graduated and moved away and, well...things are a bit complicated. I still chat with him online now and then, but we only see each other in-person maybe once or twice a year for conventions. And even though we’re still on good terms in a friendly sorta way, given the time and distance I’m not sure whether or not he’s still interested in pursuing that type of relationship with me, nor am I sure how to bring it up without making him feel awkward.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should’ve stayed in Utah after I graduated, found a job there and been able to spend more time with him...but I didn’t...and now a part of me feels like...I dunno....like I missed my chance?

But...all of that’s a tangent...it’s not the only issue...

So anyways...like I said...this is my younger sister’s wedding. For those who don’t know, I’m the oldest sibling in my family. Maybe I wouldn’t feel as stressed if my sister were older than me. But as it is...this is the first time in my life that I haven’t been first to a major life event. And yes, I know, I know it’s not a race, it’s not a competition, etc. etc. etc....I know. But...it’s a reminder.

I’m stuck, and now I’m being “surpassed” and I’m constantly being reminded.

And things seemed to work out so easily for her too. She met this guy less than a year ago and they’re absolutely head-over-heels obsessed with each other. 

and I don’t

understand 

that?

I mean, her fiancé’s a good guy don’t get me wrong, and they’re really happy together and I’m glad of that, but at the same time...watching how they are with each other, how they interact...I don’t...know that I’ve ever felt that? And in my head, I wish I could, it seems like it’d be so nice but...

guys, sometimes I feel like I’m broken.

I feel like I don’t have that capacity to get so excited over a real person the way my sister and her fiancé are about each other.

Not romantically. Not even platonically. 

Except...not quite. I do have some capacity to be all giddy. But...it only ever seems to happen with fictional characters, animals, or plushies.

Never real people. Never real relationships.

and I don’t

understand

why

And quite frankly, I’m terrified, absolutely terrified that that’ll lead me to being forever alone

And yes, I know that some people are perfectly content to live their lives single, and that’s fine and you do you and I’m not gonna judge you or say you’re invalid or whatever; I don’t believe that. But...I don’t think I’m one of those people. Marriage and family is something I hold too dear to my heart to just give up on the idea of having my own.

But...like I said...reminders.

Reminders, reminders, and reminders of one of my weaknesses, one of my struggles, of a concept that utterly frightens me and I have to be around it constantly right now. And when I’m with other people, I have to do it with a smile.

I love my sister, don’t get me wrong. And like I said, her fiancé’s a good guy. I’m glad they’re happy. I don’t want to ruin that for them with my selfish struggles. Just because I’m unhappy right now doesn’t mean I have to drag them down with me. They deserve to have a good time.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.

So...there. That’s why my sister’s wedding is a stressor for me.

On top of all that...the wedding was supposed to be in April, in Utah. But because of the coronavirus shutdowns, we’ve had to to some last-minute rearrangements, and now it’s tomorrow here in Alabama. This has been extremely stressful on my mom, who really put a lot of dedication into the wedding planning and is bummed that it didn’t work out. She’s been particularly frazzled this past week, constantly scrambling to get all the rearrangements taken care of and terrified that more shutdowns with mess it all up again.

This is why I’m making this post here. Usually I would talk to my mom, or my therapist...but I don’t have another therapy appointment for a few weeks (if it hasn’t been cancelled for the virus) and my mom, well...she has enough of her own problems to deal with right now. I don’t want to burden her with mine.

And then there’s the situation at work. With the whole social distancing thing going on they’re trying to get as many people set up to work remotely as possible. Unfortunately, because of what I do and the way our network works, this entails bringing home my entire computer setup, which is a hassle in itself on merely a physical level. I stuck it out coming into the office longer than most of my coworkers, but my mom texted me today saying that they’re now talking about shutting down all “non-essential” businesses so if I wanted to work at all over the next little bit and not eat up vacation hours I should just bite the bullet and move my setup home. So I did. 

But now there’s another potential problem. I’ve got all the hardware and it should work just fine...but I also need internet connectivity in order to access our pipeline. As we were packing up my stuff, my coworker mentioned that he wasn’t actually sure if the computers had wifi capabilities and that I might have to plug it in directly...which could be a problem, because the internet connection is on the other side of the house from where I’d be working, and even if I moved my setup to that room I’m pretty sure I’d have to unplug the router in order to plug in this computer and then everyone else would lose their wifi...which would really suck with all of us being stuck at home right now, and would be especially detrimental to my dad who is also working from home right now and needs the wifi. 

Granted, I haven’t actually tried to hook it up just yet, so who knows, I might just get lucky and it’ll have wifi capabilities after all...but I don’t know for sure yet.

I mentioned this issue to my mom when I got home today, mostly just to warn her that I might have to make some weird arrangements like a long extensions cord or something (if it doesn’t in fact have wifi). Alas, that turned out to be a mistake...like I said, my mom’s already really stressed with the wedding stuff and a potential work computer problem just added fuel to the fire and then she started stressing about that too even though it’s not really a thing she needs to be worrying about, it’s my problem to figure out...but nonetheless I felt pretty guilty for making her feel even more stressed that she already was.

I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t get my work computer connected at home. I guess just bring it back to the office...but that’s assuming people with still be allowed in the building at all come next week. I just...I dunno man. I don’t know.

All this mess has led to me starting to experience certain anxiety symptoms that I haven’t really dealt with since I first went on my medication a few years ago, which means the stress is getting bad enough to...override the meds a bit. I guess. idk, the symptoms haven’t been too severe but the fact that they’re there at all...hng.

If you made it through this whole mess, congrats, I’m impressed

tl;dr

everything’s a mess, everyone’s stressed, I have anxiety and I don’t know who to talk to

not really looking for advice so much as just somewhere to vent and maybe some comfort, idk

Thanks for your time

-NattiKay

[numba99]

The Intern - Part 2

Part 1

Summary: Summary: You are an intern at MSG, strictly forbidden to become involved in with any of the Rangers players. However, this becomes difficult when you catch the eye of a certain player. Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: none for this part except the usual I did not proof read and there are deff typos don’t Judge me

Over the course of the next few weeks everything was going great. Sure you were tired and running all over the place, but it was kind of fun. Plus, you felt like you were learning a lot and you never got tired of basically getting to watch rangers games as part of your school work.

You were also getting to know a lot of the players, who were nicer than you thought. From the media interviews they always seemed like decent guys, but you were nervous of how they’d be towards you. You would have honestly understood if they didn’t even acknowledge you given how much they have going on, but most of them chatted with you by this point.

The only player you didn’t really talk to was Lias. In fact, you were sorta avoiding him. Maybe that was dramatic, but you really didn’t know what to make of that little exchange from your first day. You were super weary of anything that could be construed as flirting or inappropriate for the work scare so you figured it was better to just avoid him. He hasn’t tried anything since either, not that you really gave him a chance to. You always stuck close to Beth’s side when he was around.

“Hey y/n, you have a minute?” Mika asked you.

“Of course what's up?” you asked, tucking the pen you had been using to jot down notes from the interviews behind your ear.

“A couple of us are going out later I was wondering if you'd wanna come?” he asked.

“Oh I um... am I gonna get in trouble?” you asked. You felt a little silly, like a teenager if they could go out past curfew.

Mika chuckled, “I’ve heard about Beth’s rules from other interns, but don’t worry there’s gonna be a bunch of us. Lots of guys are bringing their girlfriends and stuff too. I just thought you might wanna come.”

“That’s really sweet, Mika, thank you,” you replied, trying to hide how excited your really were. It felt nice to be asked to come along, it made you feel like they really liked you. “I’d love to out with you guys.”

“Great, and feel free to bring a friend or something if you want,” Mika told you. You exchanged numbers to Mika could give you details and you silently prayed Jess was off tonight.

No such luck.

“Why is it the one night you do something cool I'm working?” Jess huffed. She was already in her scrubs, ready to head out for the night.

“Um I do cool things on many nights,” you scoffed, feigning offense.

“Yeah but you’ve never done any cool things that could lead me to getting hot hockey boyfriend,” she pointed out.

“That’s fair,” you replied, “Maybe I just shouldn’t go.”

“What? No way y/n you’re going,” Jess insisted, “Maybe Lias will be there and you can finally talk to him.”

“I don't want to talk to him,” you replied. You hadn’t even thought about Lias being there, even though him and Mika were so close. 

Jess rolled her eye, “You and I both know that’s not true. Listen, I know you have your rules or whatever but talking to him isn’t breaking them. You’re not going on a date, it’s a group thing. Just go have fun and don’t be weirdo about it.”

“I wish you could go,” you sighed. Jess was so much better with people than you were. Wirth her there you would definitely feel a lot more confident.

“God same, but duty calls,” she groaned, heading towards the door. “Like I said just have fun and don’t be weird. You need to get invited out again so I can find a man too.”

You laughed and nodded, “Everything I do I do for you.”

“And that’s why I love you! Have fun out there tonight.” You let out a heavy sigh, sinking into the couch after the door clicked shut. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea... if you didn't go Jess would never know, you could just tell her you did...

You shook your head. You didn’t wanna back out just over Lias that was silly. Jess was right, you just needed to have some fun. Besides, it would be rude to cancel on Mika so last minute. So, you pulled yourself off the couch and got yourself together. 

The bar everyone was meeting at wasn’t too far from your place, just a couple subway stops away. It wasn’t a bar you and Jess ever would have gone to, despite it’s close proximity. It looked way too swanky for either of your budgets, but you were sure you could manage one drink for tonight.

“Hey! Y/n, glad you could make it,” Mika greeted you when you walked in. You smiled brightly, waving at him and Chris, who were huddled around a little table. Mika introduced you to his girlfriend and you noted that Chris was there alone. Jess would be thrilled.

A couple other players were there as well: Alex, Pavel, Brett, and a few other girls that you guessed were girlfriends but didn’t catch who was with who. Everyone was nice, though, so it didn’t really matter. You enjoyed chatting with everyone in a non-work setting. It was a little surreal honestly; just last year you were watching all these people on your TV and now you were out with them like it was a totally normal thing.

“I'm gonna grab a drink,” you excused yourself from the group, realizing you’d been there for awhile and never got anything. You drummed your fingers on the bar, waiting for your overpriced vodka soda. You mustered up a kind thank you to the bar tender - you knew it wasn’t his fault the prices were stupid.

“Shit,” you gasped, nearly bumping into the person behind you. Somehow you managed not to spill your drink and good thing, a few drops would be like losing a few dollars. You looked up to see who almost caused that disaster and found Lias smiling down at you. 

“Hey,” he said cooly.

“Hey,” you replied stiffly. 

“Didn’t know you were coming out tonight.”

“Yeah Mika invited me, it was sorta last minute I guess,” you told him. Something about him made you nervous. And not in like you were afraid of him kinda way, nothing like that all. He just sorta... made your stomach flip and got your tongue all tied up.

Lias nodded and a silence fell over the two of you. You were desperately wracking your brain for something to say, but every passing moment just made all of your ideas seem stupider. You were about to lie and say you had to go to the bathroom to get yourself away when Lias finally spoke up.

“I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot,” Lias said, “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“It’s fine,” you told him, “It really wasn't a big deal or anything I knew you were kidding.”

“I wasn’t kidding though,” Lias admitted, “But I probably shouldn’t have led off that way anyway.”

“No it was nice, I appreciate that,” you replied, “It’s just, well I’ve got some strict rules to follow.”

“What do you mean?” Lias cocked a brow.

“Well Beth, my supervisor, has a pretty strong policy against her interns - err - fraternizing with the players,” you explained, “Like if she found out there was something going on between me and someone I could lose my place here and I need the internship to graduate so that would be really bad.”

“Oh wow, I didn't know that. I’m sorry I never meant to put you in a bad position,” Lias replied, sounding sincerely sorry.

“It’s all good, you didn't mean anything bad by it,” you assured him.

“Right,” he nodded, “I never heard anything like that, I mean Tony always goes after the interns. I heard hes gotten with a few.”

“Well that’s because Tony’s gross,” you heard yourself say. “Shit I didn't mean to-”

To your relief Lias laughed and nodded, “No you're right he is kind of a jerk isn’t he?” Thank god. The last thing you needed was someone spreading around you were talking shit about one of the players.

“Glad we can agree on that,” you laughed, playfully clinking his glass.

“So can we just pretend I never said anything and just be friends?” Lias asked.

“Well I don’t know if I totally wanna forget what you said,” you teased him. Lias blushed, playfully rolling his eyes at you. “But I would love to be friends.”

The rest of the evening you spent quite a bit of time with Lias. A lot of the people there had coupled off with their significant others and you didn’t wanna 3rd wheel anyone, especially since you didn’t really know any of them too well yet. It wasn’t awkward, though, you really enjoyed talking to Lias and you had a surprising amount of things in common.

“It’s not that funny,” Lias said, though he was laughing.

“My whole life I wondered what they called Swedish Fish in Sweden and you tell me its pas- paste- fuck I can’t pronounce it,” you were giggling, your drink clearly having an impact on you.

“Pastellfiskar,” Lias said. It sounded so pretty when he said it.

“Right that,” you nodded, “I have to thank you, Lias, you’ve solved one of life’s mysteries for me in just one night.”

“My pleasure,” he grinned. God he was attractive, you thought. You silently scolded yourself, you couldn't let yourself think like that. Maybe it was time to get out of here, before the alcohol got you acting too foolish.

“As lovely as this discovery has been, I should probably be on my way,” you replied. You checked the time on your phone and you were surprised by just how late it had gotten.

“Let me walk you home,” Lias said.

You shook your head, “I’ll be okay alone. I don’t want you to go out of your way. Besides, I’m kinda a long walk from here.”

“Uber then? I don’t mean to impose I just wanna make sure you get home okay. There can are some creeps out there,” Lias replied.

“Like Tony?” you teased.

Lias cracked a smiled, “Yes. Would hate for you to run into a Tony out there alone.” He did have a point, you did get nervous going home alone, especially this late at night.

“You're right,” you replied, “An Uber sounds good to me.” Lias ordered you guys a ride, which arrived quickly. Lias opened the door for you, sliding into the dimly lit car behind you.

“Beautiful couple,” the driver commented.

“Oh no, we’re not...” you trailed off awkwardly.

“She’s my sister,” Lias said, winking at you. You giggled to yourself, loving how Lias could make a weird moment light and funny. Even though you looked nothing alike the driver bought it, issuing an apology along with a laugh.

The rest of the ride was quiet, but not really awkward. It was nice to just be able sit with him and it not be weird. However, you did keep your eyes forward most of the way because there was something about the way the street lights were hitting his face that was making him look even more enticing.

“This is me,” you said softly when the Uber came to a stop. The air in the car suddenly felt thick and charged. You became hyper aware that your heart was thudding in your ears. You shouldn’t be nervous... why are you so nervous?

“Goodnight... buddy,” Lias said with a sly smile.

“Goodnight... pal,” you replied, hoping your voice didn’t sound too strained. You quickly got out, shutting the door and separating the two of you. You felt a lot better now that you were in fresh air.

It was just the car ride, you told yourself as the elevator ticked its way up to your floor, you just got a little car sick that’s why you felt weird. It was a lie to yourself that you needed to believe because the alternative - that you wanted to be more than just friends with Lias - was just not something you could entertain. You pushed that thought down as deep as you possibly could, slipping into a restless sleep.

[lydia-bell]

4200 words of headcanon for Strand and Charlie, because I am not a reasonable human being

Inspired by @coffeesuperhero's great post about Strand’s timeline and raising Charlie, I decided to post this. I wrote it as background for a huge AU I’ve been working on where The Black Tapes was cancelled after Season 2 because after Coralee’s return and Strand learning of all the ways he’d been manipulated, he decided he needed to concentrate on putting his life back together and just couldn’t do the show anymore. I have no idea if that story will ever see the light of day, but I’ve developed a LOT of headcanon in the process of kinda sorta writing it, so I might as well share some of it.  :)

Strand would have guessed that he'd feel relief when the podcast was over. And he did, in the sense that he would no longer be having details of his personal life put on the Internet for all to hear. He was dreading what would happen when this episode was done being edited and uploaded. He could imagine all of those paranormal charlatans getting a kick out of it; Richard Strand is so closed off to anything he doesn't understand, so arrogant to those who believe, that he drove his own wife away!

Fortunately, he'd had a great deal of practice not caring about what those people thought of him. Though he did cringe to imagine Tannis Braun making a great show of being caring and concerned. Oh, he would mean it in his way, but—well, that was his brand, wasn't it? People who are trying to sell something can easily cultivate an air of gentleness and empathy. After all, they never have to tell any hard truths.

But Tannis Braun didn't matter. None of them mattered. The only ones who mattered were Thomas Warren and the rest of his cult, who had sent him a spy as a wife and then taken her away. Who had been monitoring him his entire adult life, manipulating him into a marriage and jobs to do it.

He hadn’t intended to hurt Alex’s feelings, but yes, he was relieved to be finished with the podcast. But he had to admit that doing it had provided him with a certain structure, and, if he was very honest with himself, some forward momentum that he might have had trouble sustaining on his own. They’d learned more in the past two years than he had in the previous 15, and there was a reason for that.

He supposed he should have said something to her while she was here. Well. Perhaps they’d meet up for lunch sometime, as she’d mentioned. In his experience, these promises were typically hollow, but it was possible.

He took off his jacket and tie and cleared away their teacups. He considered having another cup but decided on a drink instead. After pouring himself a generous whiskey, he turned off the lights on the main floor and went down to the basement. He was going to have to provide all of the organization and momentum for his inquiries now, and he should get to it. And since Alex wasn't going to be coming by anymore, he had a few more items to put up on the wall.

Like the cases Coralee had brought to his attention after leading him to the Empress Hotel. The information on Thomas Warren's background, his family history tracing back to eastern Ohio. The history of the Howland family, also from eastern Ohio. The next thing he needed to do was talk to Cheryl, and he was grateful that he wouldn't have an audience for that. As it was, he was relying on Cheryl extending him some residual goodwill out of guilt for having once believed he might have killed Coralee, but that wouldn't last. He'd put out feelers with some of those genealogy services, inquiring into both sides of his own family and into Warren's, and the results were...well. He was glad he wouldn't have Alex jumping to conclusions about how just because their families founded towns 20 miles apart in the early 19th century, this must be the key to everything.

That willingness to follow what you claimed were meaningless coincidences is what got you here today, part of his brain argued, but he ignored it. He could be open to possibilities without being willing to accept anything and everything that seemed to offer an explanation.

He was also glad Alex wouldn't be around to air his eventual talk with Charlie.

He knew he needed to call her. But what could he say? "I didn't drive your mother away after all"? But in a real way, he had. "I'm sorry I wasted time with some stupid idea that I could find her with psychic abilities instead of doing something useful and taking care of you?" That might help. He had apologized, after he'd given up looking, after Charlie had left, but it was too late then; how could it matter now, 18 years later? But maybe. He could say it again, if she needed it. At least maybe she could understand a little better what had driven him.

He didn't know what time zone she was in right now, so no, he wouldn't call. Or text, even—he didn't want to wake her in the middle of the night; he didn't want to do anything to upset her at all. Email, then. She'd allowed June to give him the address and even answered as long as he didn't use it too often. He went back upstairs and opened up his laptop.

Charlie,

I didn't want to call or text because I don't know what time it is where you are, but I need to talk to you. I have news

.... what could he say? "I have news about your mother?" "about Coralee?" "Coralee's alive."

The podcast was going to air soon; there was no need to keep it a secret, even if his communications were being monitored (and Coralee was right, it was possible). The straightforward way, then. He deleted the last three words and went on:

I saw Coralee today.

She came to me. She said it was because I was in danger and she was trying to keep me safe. I don't know if you've ever listened to the Black Tapes, but this organization we've been investigating, this cult... she's part of it, or she was. She was part of it when she met me. Over time, she came to realize that they were doing things she couldn't support. So when we fought that day on the drive to Big Sur, when she walked off and we couldn't find each other, she took it as an opportunity to get away from them. To disappear. She thought she would be able to come back when she found the evidence she needed to stop them, but the more time passed, the harder it was to come back.

I know this all seems insane, and there's no particular reason you should believe me, except that you have to know I've never lied to you. Whatever my other failings as a parent were, I never lied to you, not once. And I'm not asking you for anything, but I thought you should know. She's alive, she left by her own choice, and she wanted to come back but she never felt that she could.

And she told me to tell you that she loved you. For what it's worth, I think that's true too.

Call me any time, if you'd like. I know this is a lot to take in. Believe me, I know. But at least we can stop wondering. That has to be worth something.

He struggled with signing it, as he always had. "Love," she didn't want. "Sincerely," though true, was something you'd say to a stranger. What was it that he really wanted to say to her? So many things, but this would do.

I hope you're well.

Take care,

Richard

He didn't give himself even a second to hesitate before hitting "Send" and pushing the laptop away. It was the right thing. Charlie deserved to know; she had every right to know. He was sure she'd have questions, and he doubted he'd have any satisfactory answers, but he was willing to try.

He refilled his whiskey. He wished he had someone to talk to about all this. He thought for a moment about calling Alex, but he'd been the one who ended that association. He'd just taken her show away from her. He could hardly expect to lean on her after that.

Maybe he just needed to take his mind off of everything for a while. He could watch a movie, read a book...nothing sounded satisfying, though. He thought about calling the Jacobsons, but no—they could find out from Charlie. He wasn't proud of himself--they were Coralee's parents, and they had a right to know their daughter was alive—but after all these years, when they'd never accepted him even before Coralee's disappearance, never treated him with more than a distant cordiality (and often with less), never considered him part of their family, he'd finally had enough. Their daughter was alive, they didn't need to look for her anymore, and with that, his last tie to them was gone. You'd have thought that finding her alive would make them more connected, not less, but missing her, wondering about her, had been the only thing they'd had in common. They still didn't have her, any of them. So there was nothing between them. They could find out from Charlie.

But that still left him with nothing to do. The research materials for his book were still stacked on his desk, but he could no more imagine going back to that book than he could becoming a monk. He needed to speak with Jenna about pushing the deadline back.

He also had to decide if he was going to stay in Seattle. The house still wasn't anywhere near ready to be sold, but given that he'd finished his lecturing position (it seemed only fair to the students, even if he'd never take a job there again now that he knew who was behind it) and ended the podcast, there didn't seem to be much reason to stay.

Except that it was still his father's house, and his father had worked at the university for two decades before he died, and he still had so many questions about his father's role in all of the cult nonsense that had taken over his life. He didn't like the coincidence of his family having connections to the Pacific Northwest and Alex happening, independently of that, to include him in her podcast, but as far as he could tell it had in fact been a coincidence. She'd explained how she'd ended up calling him, and they both agreed that they couldn't see any way for Warren or anyone else to have manipulated events toward that end. She and Nic had brainstormed professions one day, and Alex had been the one to bring up "ghost hunter" because she'd seen a show on TV a few nights before. And from there, it was logical that his name would come up, as he was roundly despised in the charlatan community.

No, it really had been a coincidence. He didn't actually like coincidences any more than anyone else; he was just able to accept, unlike most people, that in a world with so many possibilities, low-probability events will happen sometimes.

Of course, he'd thought meeting Coralee was a coincidence, or at least, happy chance. But he was damned if he was going to let this cult nonsense turn him into the kind of person who ascribed patterns and meanings and intent to everything he couldn't explain. That way lay madness and religion.

Still, if he meant to start his life over on his own terms, it might be best to leave this place he'd never really chosen. But not yet. There were more answers to be found here first. About his father, and about Thomas Warren.

____________________________________________________________

Charlie called him at 7 the next morning. She traveled a lot, so she always remembered to take time zones into account, but she clearly wasn't willing to wait one more second than necessary for her answers.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, It's Charlie."

There was a brief pause as neither one of them knew quite how to start before Charlie burst out, "Just.... what the hell?"

He sighed. "It's a lot to take in, I know."

"But she's really alive?"

"Yes."

"And she just...left?"

"It was more complicated than that, but, yes. Ultimately, she made the decision to remain missing."

"I don't... why? Why would she do that?" she sounded so young that he could almost imagine putting his arms around her and letting her cry into his shirt like she did when she was small. When he was still her dad. Before everything fell apart.

But he couldn't do that, so he gave her the only comfort he had to offer. He told her the truth, all of it, everything Coralee had told him, everything he had told Alex. When he finished, and she spoke again, it was with tears choking her voice. "So all of it, the marriage, her being my mom, it was all a lie."

"I don't know. I'm still trying to understand how much was the cult, and Coralee doing what she thought was her duty, and how much she genuinely felt." He almost said "I really do think she loved you" but stopped himself, because what kind of loving parent walks away from a child? But Marie had. She'd been ill, and she might well have made the right choice, but it was still a choice. And for that to have happened to Charlie not once, but twice, was so unfair that his chest burned with it. And if he was honest, it had really been three. He'd told himself that leaving had been Charlie's decision, and it had, but she'd been fifteen. He should have tried harder. He should have insisted. He should have shown her that she was wrong, that she did have a father. Instead, he'd proven her right.

"I don't know how much I really give a shit," Charlie said. She sounded drained.

"That's understandable," he agreed.

"So, what happens now? She left again? Is she coming back? Is she—are you still married?"

"Legally, yes, as far as I know we are. But I don't think she's coming back."

"Because she has to fight this cult. The one that thinks you have some kind of special gene that they need. Do I have it? I mean, whatever it is, are they going to be coming after me too? Or Aunt Cheryl?"

"Coralee didn't think so. She had some idea that it might be sex-linked in some way, but regardless, they don't seem to be after you."

"Great." She took a deep breath and sighed. "Well, I guess the good news is, this can't make the family reunions any more awkward."

He chuckled, despite everything. "How have you been?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"There's been a lot happening."

"Yeah, no shit. So is all this going to be on the podcast?"

"Yes. There's one more episode, and then it's done. I decided not to continue."

"Good. I hated that, having all those people in our business."

"I did, too. But without the podcast, I don't know if I ever would have heard from Coralee."

"I guess." She paused. "Look, I need to go. I've got a conference call in about five minutes. Maybe... I don't know. I'll try calling back later on, or emailing, or something."

"I understand," he said, because what else could he say?

____________________________________________________________

To his surprise—he hadn't let himself get his hopes up—she did email him a few days later. As with all of her emails to him, it bore no salutation. Perhaps she didn't know how to address him, or maybe it was just her style.

So I said I'd email, so here I am, but I'm not sure what else I really have to say. Thanks, I guess, for telling me personally. Finding out on Facebook or whatever would have been...well, I would have hated it. And I guess you're right, that knowing is better than not knowing.

If you're hoping that I'll stop being angry with you now that I know what really happened...I guess? It wasn't your fault, I get that. But I've been thinking about what might have been different if I had known then. And I think I still would have left. Because, I don't know, I didn't feel like we were really a family.

I don't have a lot of clear memories of back when it was just you and me. But when you met Coralee, I guess I expected us to be one of those happy TV families, you know? We'd play Monopoly and go to Disney World and whatever, I don't know. Go camping, make S'mores? Stuff families do together.

And you seemed so happy with her, but it felt like, once she was there, you kind of had permission to check out. To spend more time at work, less time talking with me or asking about what I was doing or playing silly games or any of it. You weren't bad, you made sure I had everything I needed and you met with my teachers and you did everything that was your duty, and I know that's more than a lot of people get. And I know it was hard to raise me on your own and maybe you'd just...had enough. But I felt more like your ward than your daughter. Like you loved me but in this abstract way, the way people love their country or something.

So I went to live with grandma and granddad, and at least they were happy to have me around, and having me around seemed to help them even though they were grieving too, you know? And I didn't feel that way with you. And after a while I just stayed. That was my home, I enrolled in school, and you hadn't exactly moved heaven and earth to get me back. I found out from Alex that granddad told you I'd asked to be emancipated. I didn't. I guess he figured he needed to keep me away from you because you were maybe a murderer (and definitely an atheist). But that was a shitty way to do it, and I've told him that.

Still...I listened to the last episode, and you told Alex that when Coralee disappeared, it threatened to take away everything that was good in your life. Like I didn't exist! Or just didn't really matter to your life, except that you'd gotten some woman pregnant and felt like you had to take responsibility for your mistake.

I don't know why I'm saying all this. I guess it's just that for all this time, I've let my anger over Coralee's disappearance be how I avoided thinking about the stuff I was unhappy about before then. And none of that's changed. But yeah, I can let go of being angry with you about what happened with her, about the fights and the days after she disappeared and all of that. I just don't know what that means about what comes next. If anything. I don't think you're a bad person. I really don't. I just wish things had been different when I was a kid. But I'm not 15 years old any more either, you know? So maybe I can work on it. Or we can go on the way we are. I'm fine. I'm happy. I have a good life.

Anyway. That's where I'm at. Just so you know, I'm going to be in Europe for most of the next three weeks, so there's an eight-hour time difference. Also it's a work trip, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have. I'm not bailing, just letting you know why I might not be all that communicative.

Charlie

He'd never thought that he could ever again cry as hard as he had when Coralee disappeared—or when she returned. He'd been wrong.

____________________________________________________________

Charlie,

I appreciate your honesty in your last email. I know it can't have been easy to write that. And I know that I have had my failings as a father. It's not an excuse, but I hope you'll allow me to explain some of why that is.

You mentioned that it must have been difficult raising you on my own. And it was, but not because I didn't love you. I just didn't know what I was doing, and I had very little guidance. My mother was dead, I still hated my father for not being there when she died, and certainly my friends had no more more idea than I had. Men weren't expected to be single parents then—I suppose it's unusual even now—so I never really felt comfortable with the mothers watching their children at the playground and that sort of thing. I didn't belong there. Marie's parents—well, let's just say they never softened toward you even after you were born. So it was just the two of us. And when all you needed were the basics of life, I could make that work. But as you got older and I realized I was going to have to not just keep you fed and dressed but navigate discipline, making friends, and basically raising a full-fledged human being, I didn't have confidence in my ability to do all that successfully. I loved my mother, and she was good to us, so I tried to follow her example. But so much of what she did was influenced by the times—and by my father, and he was someone I didn't want to emulate.

When I met Coralee, I was relieved because even though her own upbringing was obviously less than ideal, she was warm and patient and kind and seemed to know exactly the right thing to do or say when you had a problem. I think that even if I had felt less strongly about her, I might have considered marrying her just because you deserved to have a parent like that. And you adored her. It wasn't long before it felt like you were more her child than mine. She understood you better, she was more affectionate...and you were thriving. She was the one you turned to, more often than not, when you needed something or had something exciting to share.

When I write it out like that, it sounds as if I pulled away from you because I was jealous of your relationship with Coralee, but that wasn't it at all. I was thrilled for you. I think that I just didn't feel quite so necessary anymore. And nurturing isn't something that comes naturally to me. I took care of my mother when she was ill, and I always felt awkward and out of place and like I was doing something wrong. That ability to understand how someone is feeling, and to know what they need—I tried, I really did. And I tried with you too, but I got it wrong so often. So when you had a mother who could give you that, I reverted to doing the parts of parenting that I felt more capable of: I supported you, I helped you with school, I set rules. I though it was a partnership that worked. You seemed happy, in general.

I can't plead complete ignorance, though. I knew that you wanted more of my time (at least, until you didn't want any of it, which I thought was a normal teenage phase but perhaps not). I don't have a good excuse. I got caught up in my work. It was fascinating and I was committed to it, and in academia, devoting all your time to your work was how you showed you were committed to it. It still is. I'm sorry that I let my career get in the way of giving you what you needed. As I said, I don't have an excuse. It was wrong, and it wasn't fair to you.

I do want to clear one thing up. What I said to Alex about losing everything good in my life—I wasn't just talking about Coralee. I was talking about our family. I was afraid that without her, there would be no center. I didn't see how I could hold the two of us together. And part of it, yes, is that I felt I didn't really know you well enough anymore. I think to some extent that's a fairly common phenomenon among teenagers and parents, but certainly I contributed to it as well. It was never that you didn't matter to me, Charlie. That could never be true. I sit here trying to imagine it, and it's incomprehensible. You're my daughter. You will always matter. I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to keep you with me after Coralee left. I told myself that I was doing what you wanted, that you were happier with your grandparents. I thought maybe it was just as well that I was alone, because I'd driven away the most important people in my life. But if I let you think that I didn't want you to stay, I can only apologize, because nothing could be further from the truth. No matter what Lawrence told me, I should have tried harder to show you that.

I hope you have a safe trip. Call or email me if you'd like, but if it doesn't work out, I'll understand.

Yours, Richard

And in this way, they took the first tentative steps toward having a relationship again. Nothing could change the past 20 years, but they didn't have to be bound by them for the next 20, and remembering that allowed them to move forward.