#am probably too hard on myself but any time i speak and get no answer

[ughdontbeboring]

hidden.

Feyd x Black/WoC Reader (can be read by anyone tho)

you and Feyd have this thing and it can never be more.

warnings: Feyd bc let’s be real, smut, a little degradation, breeding kink

note: I love feyd, don’t know if I did him justice at all BUT the need to write him just won’t leave me be. I have a few others in the works so let’s see how it goes. Also no proofread, it’s late and I’m horny so yea.

No description of ethnicity but reader when I write is always written with myself in mind. It’s soooo self indulgent.

if you like it, love it, fuck with it leave some love. I DO NOT give permission for my shit to be used anywhere by anyone.

x

x

You know you shouldn’t be doing this but you just can’t help yourself. In all honesty how could you be expected to control yourself and behave like a lady of a great house when HE exists, when he was fucking you completely stupid against this cold wall in a darken slightly hidden hallway in the fortress. 

You were extremely thankful this meeting of the great houses was taking place on Giedi Prime because not a living soul on this planet would dare speak of seeing the sight that the two of you made. Completely lost in each other, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he fucked into you with a desperate need, his muscular ass on display, your face full of pleasure as he bite love marks into your chest where your breast were fully exposed - because he knows there’s less chance of anyone seeing and he only even thinks of that for you and your honor - His plump lips pulling a nipple into his soft wet mouth to suck making you cry out.

Even your handmaids could be sent away and wait where they wouldn’t be spotted without you because he could do so on his own home planet though he probably could manage it on any planet he was that feared. You were lucky enough to sway your father to let you bring the only two you knew you could trust. 

You could hardly keep your thoughts together when a particularly hard slow thrust made you scream out. You knew you were caught letting your mind wonder. 

He tsked against your ear, his blacken teeth nipping the lobe before his tongue flicked it.

“Am I boring you my lady?” His deep raspy voice questioned in the deathly quiet hallway. 

“No my love, know s-sometimes can’t help it” You answered breathlessly as you pulled your head back, your hand cradling his cheek as your eyes finally found each others.

Sometimes you got too caught in your thoughts and worries about being found, something he didn’t like. He was the kind of man that didn’t like anything to take your attention away from him and with the limited time your both able to find to be together he demanded you were fully present with him at all times and if not he’d have to bring that pretty little mind of yours back to the situation at hand.

He smirked, it was then you realized he had pulled out. The empty feeling sitting in. 

“Then let me help you” 

Before you could respond his thick long cock was pushing past your sensitive lips and burying its self deep within you to the hilt. You choked on your own scream as his pelvis pulled back and snapped forward with another hard thrust. You felt every veiny inch of him within your slick tight walls. 

“Oh fuck” you moaned eyes rolling back as he continued his short brutal thrusts “oh Feyd, please”. 

“Please what?” His deep voice mocked.

“Please, please wanna cum” you mumbled hardly getting the words out as your head fell backwards into the wall.

“Would you let me fuck you like this in front of all of them? In front of him?” He mocked some more, the “him” carrying the hatred you knew he had for the man he viewed as weak that your father had promised you to. 

“Oh god yes! ‘M all yours!” You yelled desperately, pinned to the wall like decor, a fine piece of art as he drove his cock into you at that tortuous pace. It was hard, slow and deep. 

His large rough callous hands which were somehow still soft held your bare ass under your dress to keep you in place as he fucked you. His fingers tips gripped you so tight you were sure there would be bruising. 

“Let him see how wet I make you? How my pretty girl screams for me? Begging for my cock?” He rasped as his eyes bore into yours, your faces were so close at this point your sure you both were just breathing in eachothers breaths.

Your tight walls clenched even harder on his throbbing cock causing him to falter slightly, his hips needing a split second to get back into rhythm. 

“Fuck!” He roared in that unique tone of his, “Look at you getting wet like a whore” he spat at you, though there was no malice.

“Getting fucking wet when I talk about fucking you in front of him, is that what you want? Want him and the whole known universe to know that you belong to me? That you belong to na-Baron Feyd Rutha Harkonnen? Know how well you take my cock?” He gritted, the look of pure possessiveness in his blue eyes as his nostrils flared, his full bottom lip being pulled between his teeth.

You couldn’t help the tears that sprung, and your nails that dug into his back no doubt breaking skin, you heard the hiss pass through his lips at the pleasure of it but he was just fucking you so good, splitting you wide open on his cock and saying the most nastiness things a lady of a great house should never hear. He was speaking to you a way no one would ever dare and it was driving crazy you like he knows it always does. 

“Y-yes! Wan’ them all to know!” You moaned as your shaky breath washed over his full lips. You closed the small space and took his mouth upon yours, his opening immediately to take dominance over your tongue. The kiss was just as messy and sloppy as the fucking currently happening in a hallway anyone could walk down. Yet you couldn’t care less because of the pure ecstasy he was making you feel and because you knew Feyd would kill anyone stupid enough to walk this way, let along gaze upon you in this state. 

The rest of the world may have not knew but those here did and they knew better than to ever speak on it. 

Here they all know you belong to Feyd and that made your heart soar because you’d give anything for all to know. 

“Fuck pretty girl” he groaned against your wet mouth, “You’re dripping down my balls, my fucking thighs are wet with you”.

His words just made you moan louder.

“Go head, cum for me, let go my pretty little pet” he rasped.

The scream that tore through you should make you embarrassed how much you sounded like a common whore but nothing in you could muster a care in the world. Feyd was worth everything. Worth getting caught, worth the embarrassment on your family, worth whatever came with being found out. 

Your body shook as the force of your orgasm pushed Feyd’s cock out, momentarily catching him off guard before the loss of your heat and your desperate whine at the action caused him to snap back in action and drive his cock back in til he was brushing your cervix. 

Your body continued to shake as your pussy claimed his cock in a vice grip and your eyes rolled back, your mouth hanging open with some slight drool down the corner. Everything about the moment sent a chill down Feyd’s  spine as his balls drew tight and his cock swelled, the release of his cum shooting into your warmth and drenching your walls with his thick seed. 

How Feyd wished more then anything you both could allowed it to take, the thought of you claimed in that way, round with his child caused Feyd release to prolong. A groan ripping through his chest, as his cock continued to spurt his cum into your warm haven. Desperate to see you round, full of him. 

“Fuck!” 

Your hands guided his head as you brought him in for an embrace. Your faces pressed together.

The both of you stayed that way for awhile. Deep breathing slowly coming to a normal pace as the mixture from both your releases cooled on each of your thighs. 

He slowly pulled out his soften cock as you verbally mourned the loss. 

Feyd helped you fix yourself before slipping his cock back into his pants and pulling them back over his hips. He hadn’t pull them down far to begin with with the rush you both were in. Just enough to get his impressive cock out. 

“Did you mean it?” He asked catching you off guard with the softness and vulnerability of his deep raspy tone. 

You searched his handsome face looking for an answer before it hit you. You fought back the tears that threaten to fall. The sadness that washed over you you wished wasn’t the reality.

“Of course, more than anything but we both know it would never happen Feyd. I am already betrothed” you remind him. “My father will not reconsider, not while house Fenring has offered so much and he still carry’s hatred for the Baron”.

Feyd didn’t seem surprised at your statement, it was the truth you both knew. He just seemed to be contemplating and that worried you. You didn’t want him to do anything that would get himself into trouble.

x

It was two long days later when you got to see Feyd again, this time in the arena. You don’t understand how it all happened because it had happened so quickly. 

You were sitting up in the guest seats watching with a few the other young lady’s of great houses, gossiping about Feyds skill and brutality with the rest of your respective families when Feyd had just finished his slaughter. He stood there proud after taking off his shield and finishing in an even more entertaining way when all realized some of the slaves weren’t drugged. 

He raised a single fist as the roar from the area slowly came to a stop. A servant rushed to him handing over something. You sat watching with all wondering what was happening since this wasn’t customary for the end of the fight. 

“What is the na-Baron up to?” One of the lords from the other houses asked as everyone watched. 

Your heart raced as you watched through your glasses as he brought a mic up to his mouth. He smirked before announcing his challenge to the young lord of house Fenring for your hand in marriage.

You could swear he looked directly up at you high in the sky above him smirking before he cut his palm, made a fist and pounded his chest in a salute of ultimate respect. The stunned crowed of Giedi Prime following their beloved na-Baron. The sound was deafening. Your breathing stopped as you heard all the gasps around you. The young lady’s grasping at you asking a million questions as your father and Lord Fenring jumped to their feet yelling their rage at the disrespect of the young na-Baron. For they understood things were different here and just like the na-Baron was currently explaining on Giedi Prime his challenge must be accepted by the young lord himself and he would not be able to choose a fighter instead where the laws of marriage was considered. It was fight to the death or be shamed and seen as weak. Which on Giedi Prime was seen as the worst fate. To refuse meant House Harkkonen would refuse to acknowledge House Fenring because of their weakness. All deals and trade voided. 

You couldn’t slow your breathing as you leaned on the railing watching him watching you. You could hear the commotion around you and the young lord Fenring fighting with his father over his acceptance before making his way out the room. Hope bloomed in your chest, you knew your father could not refuse a display like this. Such an open declaration of love, of ownership. You were his and he would fight to the death to make it so in all ways.

It wasn’t long before you seen doors on the stadium floor beginning to open. And Feyd’s smirk turned into a monstrous smile full of blackened teeth. You were his and it was time all knew. Giedi Prime would finally have their na-Baroness. 

x

x

[oo-delallymrcrow]

Cuddle

Summary: you and the tabaxi have a nice talk and then cuddle

A/N: aw guys!! ☺️ I'm so happy that you liked Meeting Carnivàl Lecroux and wanted more! I already have a few things in the works but I got the request for one with Morning Frost and I was half way done so here it is!! I hope you like it and if anyone has any other requests please feel free to ask!

"Ah, hello, (Y/N).”

You open your eyes and see an upside down Frost as he looms over you. It was the evening and everyone was just relaxing and staying in. Kremy and Gideon in their room together. Gricko, Torbek, and Twig were playing children's games and drinking hot coco together. Hootsie was cuddle up on the couch with you when Frost entered the common room.

You stretch and yawn as Hootsie lets out a quiet hoot before jumping off the couch and heading toward her dad, stoping to rub against Frost and walking away.

Frost let put a chuckle as Hootsie rubbed against him before moving to where Hootsie was taking up the couch. He sat in the vacant spot, crossing his long legs as he does, adjusting his cloak and robe over his frame. He speaks in a monotone manner and a dry, sarcastic tone that may come off as uncaring to those who do not know his personality. Luckily, you have been getting to know Frost lately over your shared passion for knowledge and books. His yellow eyes land on you as he sits down, a neutral expression on his furry face.

"So, how are you faring, my dear? Enjoying yourself?”

You hum with a small smile on your face as you sit up, "I am. It's been nice getting to relax and just take some time for ourselves. How are you Frost? Enjoying any new books?"

Frost tilted his head back against the couch and shrugged. He crossed his arms and tapped his clawed fingers against his bicep. He seems to think for a moment before looking back at you, his ears twitch as he thinks of an answer.

"I've been working through a book of poetry, actually. Not exactly my style, but I find it quite relaxing to read to myself."

His neutral, aloof expression softens a bit more as he speaks. He is, as usual, calm and collected, but you can see small hints of emotion in his eyes and mannerisms.

You sit up a little as he mentions reading poetry and nod your head.

"I do love a bit of poetry myself. But I get how it's not everyone's style. I think you have to find the right words to really give the reader the right emotions and once it does." You put your hands up and make a little explosion noise. "Magic happens.”

Frost's eyebrows rise slightly, probably surprised by the unexpected enthusiasm in your voice. He hums and nods in agreement, his long, pointed ears twitching once again.

"Hm, perhaps that is the problem. The poetry I'm reading is rather bland and lacks that... 'oomph' you speak of."

Hiis expression became a little more amused, a slight smirk crossing his face. He crosses one leg over the other and looks at you properly.

"Maybe you have some suggestions.”

You blink in surprise but nod your head as you lean a little closer.

"Oh I think I could help. What are you wanting exactly? What are you trying to give the reader in your poetry? Happiness, sadness, maybe a little romance?”

As you lean in towards him, a smile appears on Frost's face. He leans forward a bit as well, his eyes locked on yours intently. He lets out a thoughtful sigh and hums for a moment, contemplating the question.

"I suppose I'm looking for those... feelings which are difficult to put into words. Feelings of melancholy, perhaps, but not quite. Almost as if you are missing something in your life, but can't remember what."

He pauses for a moment and lets out a quiet chuckle.

"Or maybe I'm looking too hard.”

"Naw you're just thinking too hard. Just got to say what comes to mind."

You pause and look away for a second before turning back to him and clear your throat; "here let me try a little something. Don't laugh if it doesn't sound good, alright?”

Frost tilted his head to the side, his yellow eyes studying you intently. He nods and clasps his hands together in his lap, giving you his full attention.

"Alright, I will do my best to refrain from laughing... No promises there."

His smile becomes a little more bemused, as he leans back against the couch and waits for you to begin.

"Ok maybe something like,

‘There’s a whisper in the wind tonight,

A gentle sigh I can’t quite hear,

A yearning wrapped in twilight’s light,

For something lost, yet ever near.’"

As you mutter the last words you blush and look away from Frost. You twist your hands in your lap and awkwardly chuckle as you shake my head.

"It's probably not very good but maybe something a little like that could work?”

Frost looks almost taken aback for a moment by the words you spoke. He looks at you as you look away, but notice his eyes lock on your hands as you twist and rub them together. He could tell you are nervous by the gesture and the blush on your cheek. However, he is more preoccupied on the words themselves.

You sit in silence as Frost stares intently at your hands before you laugh and hide your face in your hands.

"Oh that was bad wasn't it? Sorry I've never really written or spoke poetry before.”

Frost shakes his head and lets out a little sigh, smiling fondly.

"Nonsense, that was beautiful. You painted such a clear picture with your words, even a 'non-poetry enjoyer' such as myself could see it."

*He chuckles a litte, "I was more surprised that you spoke the words in such a... captivating manner. You really seemed to be able to convey the emotion of the words. Where did you learn to do that?”

You peek out from under your hands and shrug as you place them in your lap again. You lean back into the couch as you stare up at the ceiling.

"I don't know. I've always liked lovely words and listening to people speak or sing. I actually listen to a lot of music and just hearing the way people put there emotions in songs, is just like poetry in a way.”

Frost nods and hums as he listens to your explanation, watching you intently as you speak and stare up at the ceiling. He can most likely sense the underlying anxiety in your voice as you speak and the way your hands twitch together and occasionally rub your comfy pants.

"I see. Well, it certainly shows. Even if you have not written or spoken much poetry in the past, what little I heard makes me believe you have a very good grasp on what good poetry sounds like.”

You smile and turn your head to Frost, "thanks Frost. Maybe I'll try and take up poetry whenever we have time."

You hear loud footsteps as Gideon walks through the room, heading toward the kitchen with a yawn. He looks like he just woke up from a nap as he glances over and waves, "sup lovebirds. What are you two talking about?”

You and Frost turn heads as Gideon walks into the room. Frost glances at the back of Gideon's head as he walks towards the kitchen. He shakes his head with a sigh and refocuses on you.

"We're simply discussing poetry, Gideon. Apparently our little friend is a bit of a poet herself, as it turns out.”

"Oh," you blush and shoot a hand out to lightly tap Frosty's arm as it sounds like he's teasing. "I'm not that good. Apparently I need the right inspiration to be able to do it."

At that comment you wink at Frosty in a teasing manner, the gesture causing Frosty to break out into a bemused grin as Gideon lumbers back out with a glass of water. You chuckle as he stumbles a bit as he slumbers back to his room.

"Heading back to bed?"

"Yeah," he mumbles and waves a hand again, "no loud noises you two."

You blush at his comment and throw a pillow at his back as he laughs. Frost shifts in his seat but yells at Gideon.

"You know, you shouldn't say those things. It gives us ideas!”

You bust out laughing as you get up to grab the pillow you just threw before sitting back on the couch, a little closer to Frosty.

"What ideas does that give you?”

Frost shrugs and feigns innocence as a sly smile forms on his face. He looks over you, and places an arm behind you on the couch.

"Oh, you know. A good idea leads to another idea, which could lead to more bad ideas. Which then leads to even... more ideas. It can become a bit of a chain reaction, hm?"

He chuckles and gives you a wink, his ears flicking once again, almost teasingly this time. You giggle at his ears, flicking and nod as you try to think of what he's saying.

"So what's a good idea that leads to a bad idea? An example is what I need."

You sit up, criss-cross on the couch facing Frosty as he chuckles at your question and sits up straighter, shifting to face you. His ears remained perked and upright, listening to your words intently. He hums as he lifts his hand to his chin, tapping against it as he seems to contemplate on an answer. He smirks as he speaks, and winks at you again.

"Hmmm... How about I show you?”

Your eyes widen as your breath catches for a moment at how he speaks.

"Show me? I guess you can show me.”

Frost continues to smirk but moves forward with whatever he has planned. His eyes remain fixed on your face, watching your reactions carefully as he uncrosses his legs.

“Hmm, perfect.”

He lifts his hand and places it on the side of your face as he leans in a little as his ears twitch and his tail flicks out as he brushes his lips against yours. You shudder but lean in closer as you place a hand on his knees to stabilize yourself as Frost fully pulls you into a kiss.

It is different but feels like a beard tickling your nose with his whiskers and you giggle a little as you pull back as you scratch your nose.

“Sorry, it was tickling me.”

Frost nods as he brushes a strand of hair that fell against your cheek.

“That's alright. I know this must be different for you.”

“Oh yes,” you nod but sit up onto your knees to sit a little taller than Frost on the couch. “But it's not unpleasant.”

You lean in as one hand grips the couch next to you and strokes down his fur on his cheek, scratching his chin as Frost goes ridged at first but then melts with a sudden and loud purr erupting from his chest as he melts. As you process what you were hearing, Frost leans against you to the point of pushing you back on the couch as you continue to scratch his chin.

You huff as the tabaxi flops his weight on you but smile as First cuddles into you. You move your hand to the tip of his head and give him a little scratch which makes his ears twitch even more.

You both lay there completely relaxed and honestly at the mercy of Frost. You smile as you close your eyes and continue to pet Frost as he purrs against you.

“Are you lovebirds alright?”

You peek an eye open to see Kremy now standing in the doorway. Looking at the two of you with a raised brow but a smile on his face. Frost slightly moves but only to make himself more comfortable and wrap you up in his arms as you close your eyes with a smile and do the same to Frost. Being intertwined together makes you feel warm and cozy, ready to fall asleep again.

“Hmm, we're fine Kremy,” Frost says as he starts to purr again.

You just hear a little sigh and a snap as a blanket covers the two of you and the lights dim. You and Frost cuddled together and slipping into a cozy dream.

[cursedbycain]

strangers - Cain x Lane

tagging: @rc-catalog

synopsis: being locked away isn't so bad, as long as you have company.

word count: 2.8k

I’m not quite sure how I ended up in this cell. But frankly, I seemed to not be sure of much lately.

Time seems weird here. There’s no window, just three stone walls and cold metals bars that keep me trapped. Even with a window, I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell the time. Perhaps I had only been here for days, maybe weeks.

I don’t like to think that it might have been years.

Most questions I ask to the voice in the cell across from mine go unanswered. I know very little about him. I’m pretty sure it’s a him, based on the rare answers from a deep voice. He doesn’t like to talk. Normally, speaking to someone who did not respond would deter me. But nothing is normal here, and I worry if I stop speaking out loud, I’ll forget how to.

“How long do you think we’ve been here?” My voice is barely above a whisper. I’ve never seen any guards near our cell, but sometimes I’ll feel a heavy presence in my bones that paralyzes me with fear. I try not to draw it’s attention.

“Eons.” He answers dryly. I almost want to smile. I like when he answers, even if he sounds like I could not annoy him more.

“I doubt that. We’re still alive aren’t we?” If I peer into the darkness of the opposite cell enough, I can sometimes see a flash of white. I would ask but I know he won’t answer.

“Who knows? Perhaps we’re dead and this is our punishment.” I don’t like the tone of his voice. It’s too knowing.

“…You’re quite the cynic.” I note. I hear a huff that could maybe be a laugh. He doesn’t speak again and I sink down to the cool floor.

There is nothing in my cell but a bed with a thin blanket and a small pillow. Something about this place made me feel weird. I didn’t feel hunger or thirst or any other urges. I only slept when my boredom reached a level that made me fear for my sanity. I wish I could dream, but the only things my brain can conjure are memories, and I would rather be awake than relive those.

He is not always there. I suspect that whatever keeps us here likes to whisk him away for periods of time. It’s hard to notice when he disappears or re-appears. Maybe they do the same to me. Sometimes I wake up with new bruises, an ache in my bones, dried blood on my face, and no recollection of how any of it appeared. If I dwell on the feeling too much, I feel sick with fear. It’s a paralyzing kind of fear. One that makes me want to claw at my skin and rip it apart.

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” I wonder out loud. He’s quiet for a bit. The seconds stretch and just when I resign myself to thinking my question will yet again go unanswered, I hear him speak.

“The both of us?” His voice is measured. I mull over the question for a second before nodding.

“Yeah. Both of us.” I feel a strange connection to the man in the opposite cell. Maybe it was loneliness. Maybe I was just desperate for something I had never had before.

“There is a way…” His voice sounds almost excited before he catches himself, “But it’s an unlikely scenario. And not worth entertaining.” The cynicism enters his voice once more.

“Okay…what about you?”

“What about me?” He asks and I wonder if he’s frowning.

“Do you think you’ll ever get out of here?” When I look at the opposing bars, I swear I can see a flash of red. Then I blink and it’s gone.

“I won’t be trapped here forever.” He emphasises the word ‘here’, as if he will be trapped wherever he is.

I’m too afraid to ask about myself. I’m worried he already knows what will happen to me. As if he can read my mind, he continues.

“You won’t be here forever either.” The words are oddly not comforting.

“How can you be sure?” Something prickles at the back of my neck, a heavy presence. If he feels it too, he doesn’t say.

“I just am.” There’s a finality in his voice, signalling that our conversation is over. The presence disappears and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I let myself lay back on my bed and shut my eyes. Sleep doesn’t take me so I resign myself to think of life at the base. As horribly lonely as it was, it was the only place I liked thinking about.

There are many perks to being immortal. Cain knows this, despite how much the burden of a never ending life seems. However, the one perk he really enjoys is his heightened senses. Particularly, the vision.

He can see her perfectly. Every face she makes, the way she moves in her sleep, everything. He knows she can’t see him, in a weird way he’s grateful for that. He didn’t deserve to have her look at him.

Her eyes are shut but he can tell by her breathing she isn’t asleep. She doesn’t seem to sleep much which he knows is odd.

The question she had asked still lingered in his mind. The father of lies was constantly sending Cain on missions to spread the cult’s influence so Cain never really thought about being stuck here forever. He was only brought back when he needed to report back or when Baal felt he was acting up.

Cain acted up a lot.

He tried to pretend it wasn’t so he could be called back here and see her. But a strange sense of relief alway filled him when he reappeared in the cell and she was sitting there. The most horrifying times are when she isn’t there. He knows he can’t ask what Baal is doing with her, can’t give a hint of caring for her, but it pains him to think it. The father of Lies won’t hesitate to exploit any weakness Cain shows so he has to be careful. The worst part is that he knows she doesn’t remember. She doesn’t know what the demon has planned for her. All Cain knows is if it’s something Baal won’t assign to him, she definitely won’t survive it.

When I wake up, I hear a very faint tapping. It’s an almost soothing melody, coming from the other cell. Peering into the darkness, I swear I see a flash of a large white object.

“What is that?” I mumble to myself but the melody stops as if he heard me.

“Did I wake you?” He almost sounds guilty, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“No. I don’t sleep well here anyways.” I admit, pulling the thin blanket up a bit higher.

It’s quiet for a while and I let myself attempt to relax. I always feel slightly safer when he’s here. As if he would be able to protect me. It’s a naive idea but I can’t bring myself to give it up.

“When I was younger…I would play the piano.” I sit up when I hear this. He had never spoken about himself like this, much less his past. My mind races as I try to think of a response but he continues as if he isn’t even speaking to me.

“I grew up in a church. The priest that raised me taught me how to play. The melody…keeps me in check, in a way.” His voice is more open than I’ve ever heard it. I decide to return the sentiment.

“I grew up in North Carolina. I-I didn’t really like it there much, so I studied abroad.” A part of me holds back the family trauma, even if the other part of me desperate wants to share it with someone.

“What did you study?” He sounds genuinely interested and it warms something in me.

“Cryptography. I think I chose it to feel what it was like to uncover something no one knew. Is that weird?”

“Depends on your definition of weird.” Something in his tone makes me smile, as if we were friends just hanging out and not locked away in cells.

“I think I’ve always been different,” I wonder out loud, “I was a quiet kid. And then I grew up and I just…stayed quiet.”

“Quiet is not the word I would use.” His voice is teasing and for the first time in however long I had been here, I laugh.

“Whatever. Tell me something else about you.” I sit cross legged by the bars. It’s too dark to see anything past the bars of his cell but it makes me feel closer to him anyways.

“I have a better idea. Stand up?” He asks and something in me twists in anticipation. I stand a little too quickly and grip the bars of my cell to steady myself.

“Close your eyes.” I hear him tell me. I obey, the metal bars pressing against my body.

“Now, stick your hand out.” I do it, reaching as far as I possible can. Soft icy fingers gently graze the tips of my hand. I gasp quietly. It had felt like ages since I felt any sensation on my skin other than my own. The sensation is replaced by something soft and cool brushing along my palm, as if a bird had flown by my outstretched hand.

“What is…” I mumble, my eyes still shut. The feathers brush higher up my arm, tickling the bruised skin. They stroke my shoulder softly, the feeling so comforting that tears burn at my still shut eyes.

“Just relax…” His voice seems to float around the damp air of the dungeons. I know he is as trapped as I am, but he still seems free. For the first moment since I woke up in this cell, I allow myself to completely relax. The feathers continue to stroke up and down my outstretched arm until there is a distant noise and all sensation disappears. I open my eyes, attempting to peer into the darkness. Like usual, I can see nothing but the faint outline of the bars of his cell.

I blink a few times, trying to get my eyes to adjust but nothing happens. I wait by the bars for a while, trying to see something, anything. But there’s nothing. I call out a few times too but there’s no response.

It feels colder when he’s not there. I wrap my blanket around myself tightly but it never does any good. An uncomfortable feeling of worry gnaws at me. If he didn’t come back…

No.

I push the thought out my head instantly. I refuse to think about it. He will be back.

Time here is infuriating. Sometimes I would count the seconds, trying to see if there was anything to show the passage of time in this dark cell. But I would always eventually lose count. I tried not to daydream too much for my sanity. But deep down, I knew my sanity was probably slightly lost by now.

I’m in the middle of pacing when I turn and catch a glimpse of something by the bars. I whip around and nearly jump out of my skin.

There’s a man standing by the bars.

He’s tall, at least over six foot, with ash blond hair and bright blue eyes. I focus on his almost irritatingly perfect face for a second before something else catches my attention.

There’s a large pair of white wings behind him. I blink. No, not behind him. Attached to him. He has wings. Suddenly everything about his appearance makes sense. The perfect, serene expression, as if he wasn’t truly human.

He was an angel.

“Hi.” He says. There’s no emotion behind the word and yet everything feels like it’s crumbling down around me.

I know that voice.

For a second, anger fills my chest. An angel? This entire time, a literal angel had been watching me sit in this hell hole. And he had done nothing. He had sat there and talked to me and made me laugh and…nothing.

“I’m Cain.” He says, face still expressionless. My anger fades to hope, but then the hope fades. If he hadn’t gotten me out now, I doubt he’s in the position to help now.

“Lane.” I force out. He catches the anger but ignores it.

“I have to go. I’m not supposed to be here like this. But…” He glances around as if checking if we’re actually alone before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small book. He hands it to me through the bars, his icy fingers just barely brushing mine and still sending a shock down my spine.

I look at the cover, the title “The Prophet” staring back at me. When I look up, Cain is already gone.

I read the book as quickly as I can, despite the pain of straining of my eyes. Pressing my back to the bars of the cell to get as much light on the pages from the hall as possible, I read and reread. My brain goes haywire at the stimulation. For a moment, I truly feel like a person again.

I don’t remember going to sleep. I never do, when I wake up like this. When I raise my head from the cool stone floor, an ebb of pain stems from my hand. Blood runs down my hand as I suck in a breath from the pain.

“What’s wrong?” I turn and once again, Cain stands in front of my cell as free as a bird. I want to say something mean, to get him to leave me alone, but I can’t bring myself to push him away.

He leans closer, peering at me through the bars. His eyes fall onto my hand, the bright red mark that won’t stop bleeding. I can barely see the cut but I can feel the pain and the blood.

“Give me your hand.” His voice is softer than I usually hear it. I shift closer and show him my injured hand. He takes it in his cold hands, wiping at the dripping blood. He pulls off a piece of fabric from his shirt, wrapping the cut to apply some pressure. It’s tighter than bandages should be but it works just as well. I wince in pain ever so slightly and his eyes flick up. His face is oddly emotionless. No worry, no remorse, no curiosity, nothing.

“This should stop it from bleeding.” He states, without letting go of my hand.

“Why are you helping me?” I ask with a frown. He sighs as if I have asked the wrong question.

“Because I want to.” He lets my hand go, standing up. I used to believe he was as trapped as I was. But he stands free from his cell, and I still remain locked away. Something about these meeting feels final. The way his eyes are locked onto my face, as if he’s memorizing them. The thought that dawns on me fills my body with terror.

“You’re leaving…you’re leaving me here alone. What-what’s gonna happen to me?” I hate how weak I sound but I can’t find it in me to conceal my feelings. Something like worry flashes on his face, as if he had been wondering the same thing. His wings flutter behind him.

“I’ll get you out of here, I promise. I’ll pull you out if it’s the last thing I do.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” His eyes flash blood red as he smirks ever so slightly.

“I guess you’ll just have to trust me.” With that, he fades into the darkness.

When he grasps her hand, snow falling around him as the squad fights off the abominations, relief fills his body. It’s warm like it had been. When he pulls hard enough to get her to her feet, she finally looks at him. She looks the same as she did, albeit a little more sleep deprived, but something in her eyes makes him pause. He thought he would see anger, happiness, maybe even relief. But she stares at him as if they have never met.

“Who are you?” She asks and something in his heart twists in a way he’s never felt before. She couldn’t have forgotten him. Surely he wouldn’t have been able to scrub every trace of Cain from her mind.

“Who are you?” He asks in return.

Cain has never been certain of much. But he is certain of this.

Things will never be the same.

[shoophise]

Hello again, between the new fic and your thoughts on it, I had more to ask (hopefully it isn't annoying, I'm just veeeery in love with this au)

The idea of sonic fighting shadow only to falter at the last second had me almost sobbing, you really can feel his exhaustion and I will probably go to the author blog to express how in love I am with it, but I wanted to pick your brain about the whole ordeal. What do you think it would take for shadow to be fully conscious in his Hyper state or is it simply impossible? I thought it imposible until this fic put the idea out there and the angst is just too good. Do you see and end to the madness? I see very little options in the horizon aside from killing shadow, but do you see another way out? If both live getting out of those forms, how would they deal with it? I can't see neither coping well with the aftermath.

I'll leave it at that to not be too annoying about it, but just know that this whole au has me frothing at the mouth.

(Also, I would like to ask -if you wish for me to keep gushing about this au of course- if you would prefer them being asked in Spanish or English? I noticed your bio but I dunno which one you prefer, and as a bilingual myself (🇨🇱) I can do both)

Hihi i’m fine with spanish too but since most people in the fandom speak english I think it’s better if I stick w it for now

Si me preguntan en español responderé en español eso si ^-^ no quiero dejar a los hispanos fuera de la fiesta lol soy de Colombia 🇨🇴 saludos ! :3

Now to answer your question, I think I have to explain my whole view of why Hyper form is different for Sonic and Shadow. The main reason is Sonic being so used to getting so many forms, he doesn’t really get affected by it.

Shadow is not Sonic, he’s stuck in the past, he struggles to adapt and move on, he suffers most of the time, and Hyper form is basically the first time he has felt pure happiness. I don’t see him gaining consciousness at all until he goes back to normal.

And not even that will be because he wants to, but because he’s FORCED to go back to normal.

But, I’m really open to any interpretation of it honestly, not all things have to be the way I say it, yes i’m the one with the idea but everyone can take it and give it their own interpretation of it, I’m happy to see different perspectives!

Mine is that Hyper Shadow while he may gain consciousness for a few minutes, at the end he will go back to his delusional state one way or another. You cannot “escape” the effects of a drug even if you want to.

And yes, the aftermath of this will hit hard, specially to Shadow, but that’s another story 😭

I hope that answers your question? I’m sorry if it doesn’t, i just don’t want to spoil the whole story bc where’s the fun in that? I have to surprise you guys somehow lol

[booboodaddysblog]

Stay away…

Warnings: none, just a conversation between lovers, and one of them behaves like an always offended child

Words: 1957

It was after 9 in the evening when Colin entered the house slamming the door. Marg, frightened, came out of the kitchen to see what was going on.

- What happened?

Colin only looked at her in silence. He took off his coat and hung it on a hanger near the door.

- Nothing...

- What do you mean nothing? After all, I can see that something is going on. You are upset.

- I have nothing to say, only that... that… ask your best friend to stop talking to me. And in general, to stop sticking her nose into things that are not hers.

- What happened? Tell me.

Colin shook his head negatively and went upstairs to take a shower.

Marg quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed her phone. She dialed Roby's number.

- What's up? - she answered after the first beep - I just got home. I've been having a hard time at work today. And so have you. We didn't even have time to have lunch together.

- Do you perhaps know why Colin is so upset? He said... I mean he asked me to ask you not to speak to him anymore. Hmm... what's the matter? Could you explain it to me? - Marg sat down on a chair at the table preparing for the worst.

For a long moment Marg heard only silence.

- Roby? Are you there?

- Yes... I am...

- Please tell me what happened. I'm worried. It's been a long time since he was so upset. He didn't even want to talk to me.

- He... he probably just had a rough day.

- But something happened? Did you talk to him? Did you have a fight?

- I wanted to talk to him while he was eating in the kitchen. He was alone so I took the opportunity.

- About what? - whispered Marg. She already had the worst-case scenarios in her head.

- Hmmm... he wasn't very talkative.

- What did you want to talk to him about?! - Marg started to get nervous.

- About you guys. About the fact that you are often sad and... and that I am worried about you.

Marg fell silent and put the phone down on the table. She heard Roby say something, but it was unclear.

After a while, she took the phone in her hand again and put it to her ear.

- Why did you do it? - she asked in a whisper.

- Because... because I wanted to tell him to start caring about you more... I... I know, I shouldn't have done it... - there was an audible sadness in her voice.

- It's true you shouldn't have... he's having a really hard time in life right now - she sighed loudly - what did he say to you?

- That I should fuck off and not interfere in your affairs.

- Oh God... he said that? Really?

- Not exactly like that, but that's more or less what it sounded like.

- God... - Marg hung up and put the phone down on the table.

She covered her face with her hands and began to cry. Suddenly she got up and headed upstairs. She climbed the stairs with a quick step and entered the bathroom without knocking. Colin was in the shower. Marg walked into the shower in her clothes without a second thought. He turned toward her surprised.

- What are you doing?! - Colin turned off the water and grabbed a towel to cover Marg with it - why did you come into the shower with your clothes on?

- Why were you unkind to Roby?! - she shouted at him dropping the towel from her shoulders - why?!

Colin stared at her puzzled, watching her behavior.

- Why did you behave like this?! Answer, because I won't vouch for myself?!

- Because it's not her fucking business! - he stepped out of the shower and began to wipe himself.

- What did she do to you?! Huh?! - she approached him.

- Are you asking what she did to me? Seriously? Or rather, what did she do to you? - he came up to her and grabbed her hands gently, saying calmly - listen, darling, you have no idea how much I regret what happened that evening. It's in my head all the time and it doesn't want to let me rest. Do you have any idea how bad it makes me feel? How stupid and... easy I was... that I let myself be used like that...

- I know, it's hard for me too - Marg lowered her gaze to their joined hands.

Colin hugged her, inhaled her sweet scent and sighed.

- I missed you - he whispered in her ear.

- I missed you too...

- How do you feel?

- Why are you trying to change the subject?! - Marg pushed him away.

- Can you restrain those pregnancy hormones? - Colin rolled his eyes and walked over to the mirror. With his hand, he rubbed the steam off it.

Marg stared at him, and the anger in her grew.

- Excuse me very much, but what did you just say to me? Am I supposed to restrain my pregnancy hormones? Are you kidding me right now?!

Colin turned toward her, raising his hands in a defensive gesture.

- Take it easy honey, breathe deeply. You know you shouldn't be nervous in this state. Take it easy, please. You know I sometimes talk without thinking - he sighed - you know, it's such a small flaw of mine.

- Well, yes... your worse flaw is that you are easy! - and she added in a calm voice - and as for my current state, it is because of you that I am pregnant. I didn't impregnate myself.

Marg turned around and left the bathroom. She entered the bedroom and slammed the door.

Colin stood with his mouth open for a moment, staring dully at the empty space Marg had left behind.

- Oh my gosh, I'm so fucked. Oh mother of God and Jesus Christ - he grabbed his head and closed his eyes - fucking female hormones. I think I'm going crazy.

He left the bathroom and walked to the bedroom door, listening. There was nothing to be heard, maybe she was asleep, or maybe... He shrugged his shoulders. He concluded that he would give her a moment alone.

He grabbed a bathrobe from the bathroom and went downstairs to eat something. He looked in the fridge, there was not much to choose from. Leftovers from yesterday's dinner, some salad and a piece of cake. He took it all out and put it on the counter. All the time he listened to see if any sounds could be heard from upstairs. There was only silence in the house, which was suddenly broken by the sound of a fork falling to the floor. Colin cursed under his breath and picked it up. Then he froze, listening to see if he had woken Marg with it, if she was asleep.

Colin reheated the food and, leaning against the countertop, began to eat, looking around the kitchen. He didn't know what to do with himself. He sighed and mumbled to himself. All in all, it was as if he was remorseful after everything that had happened since he returned home. But he was remorseful, yes.

- Fuck - he said with his mouth full - fuck my life - he shook his head in displeasure.

He grabbed a piece of cake and shoved it into his mouth. He chewed it while sighing heavily.

- God, why does my life have to look like this now? Lord, have mercy!

He reached into the fridge for a beer, opened it and began to drink with the door still open. He turned around all the while mumbling something under his breath. He jumped up scared. The entire contents of his mouth landed on the floor and his bathrobe, generally half the kitchen to be cleaned.

- Really? - Marg looked at him with pity - am I that scary?

- I thought you were asleep - he wiped his mouth with his hand and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

- You didn't have to eat leftovers. There is a casserole with noodles and chicken in the oven - she passed him without a word and took the dish out of the oven.

He watched her every move. He looked at her face. She was sad and her eyes were swollen. She was crying.

- What are you looking at? Go get a mop and wash the floor. I won't do it for you.

Without a word he went to get a mop and bucket.

- It won't be easy - he whispered to himself when he knew Marg could no longer hear him.

He returned and began mopping the floor, every now and then glancing at Marg pacing around the kitchen.

- Could you? - she spoke up.

- Could I what? - he asked puzzled.

- Not stare at me.

- But I like to stare at you.

- Colin, dear, can't you really see how silly our current conversation is? - she put the casserole on the plates and reached for the cutlery.

Colin remained silent, thinking of an answer to her question.

- Put down that mop and sit down, eat with me - she smiled slightly at him.

He nodded and obediently sat down. He picked up a fork and stuck it into a piece of chicken. He looked at Marg.

- I think... we can no longer undo what happened. I know this is a hard thing to do.

- This we already know...

- Marg, I want you to know that you are the most important to me. No one else, only you. And... and this always comes hard to me, but... know that I love you and only you. Also this little creature that is growing inside you.

- It's a human being, not some animal, Colin - Marg interjected.

- Yes, it's a baby. And you have no idea how happy I am to have you both. I couldn't stand to be alone. I'd get drunk or high or fuck knows what.

- Geez Colin, don't swear like that - she rolled her eyes.

- To recap, let's try... somehow erase what happened, from our minds. At the time, I didn't yet know that I had a chance with you. Whether what is between us is so for real. Then I made this stupid mistake. Yes... I'm easy - he sighed and shoved a piece of meat into his mouth - It's delicious - he said with his mouth full.

Marg stared at him. She felt warmth on her heart.

- You are stupid, easy, clumsy and childish, but I love you very much and I can't help it - she smiled at him - nothing worse could happen to me. I'm screwed, I'm going to have a child with you - she stuck out her tongue, smiling devilishly.

Colin looked at her and squinted.

- Really, I'm going crazy because of your hormones - he started laughing.

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, then drew it to his lips and kissed it.

- I can't help it, I love you - he smiled broadly.

- You're repeating yourself, it's getting boring - she rolled her eyes and shoved the noodles into her mouth.

- Let's eat quickly and go to bed - he said with a laugh.

@ladyjpm

————

Overthinking

[stellamancer]

NIKU HI !!! i come with not only one but many questions about you and sunday heh heh, i will keep them quite tame for now until i know more details and then i shall be able to ask even more !!!! only answer if you are comfortable 🥺🌸

what are your first impressions of each other / how do you meet? what is your dynamic?

favourite ways for sunday to show affection towards you? does he have any cute habits?

what are your love languages and how does that translate in your relationship? :3

what is something you do that flusters sunday ( or turns him on if you’re comfortable 🌝 ) and vice versa? even if it’s not on purpose?

HELLOW VANAAAA!! 

thank you so much for!! asking about the lore for me and sunday!! 🥺🥺🥺 you are too kind…!! I'm honestly kind of shy when it comes to any lore sharing so I always appreciate whenever someone asks!!! ALSO I’M SORRY I KINDA JUST RAMBLED A LOT. there’s a read more here so i don’t clog the dashes…. 

um, to start off!! I don't really have any canonverse selfship lore— mostly because I cooked up fic lore that I like a lot so I just insert myself into MC’s shoes so to speak (if that makes any sense lol…). so all the lore takes place in a modern au where Sunday is the CEO of some company… maybe like some hospitality company of some sort.

prior to meeting, I come across a job posting for a personal assistant, and at first, despite absolutely hating my current job, I skip over it, because I'm probably underqualified. However, after talking with a friend of mine about how much I hate my job, the posting comes up and my friend is like ‘yo I got this’ and spruces up (or more accurately embellishes) my resume and writes a killer cover letter for me to use to apply to this job and it scores me an interview.

which is how i meet sunday.

he's naturally the one conducting said interview (it's for his assistant after all) and we both know that I am definitely underqualified. our first impressions of one another are… not amazing LMAO. he is rather unimpressed with me and I think he's kind of a jerk. and I honestly think I botch the interview. 

except a week later I get an offer! i realize that something must have happened because I have a hard time believing I got the job through my own merits (and it did; sunday’s first/only choice got another, better offer from a different company. he was just going to go without except robin was like ‘brother, you can't…’ and asked if any other candidates made an impression on him and unfortunately for him I was the only one who did, albeit my impression was not a good one and robin convinces him to give me a shot and hire me 🥺). so there's kind of a… boss/assistant dynamic thing going on. I'm not sure how to label this, but, I'm also trying to constantly prove myself as an adequate assistant to sunday and he is actually impressed that i exceed his expectations. hilariously, once it gets into relationship territory (and perhaps a bit before then once he has become cognizant of his feelings) my self-reliance/independence becomes a bit of a hindrance; he wants me to rely on him more. which I think makes for a kinda funny dynamic… roles reversing on and off the clock… 🤔 

so i was actually super stumped on the second question. had to think super hard!! but uh, fixing my shirt collar when it's lopsided or turned up! initially he tells me to fix it myself and to be more mindful about being presentable before going anywhere (and I insist that I did check my collar since it's Apparently an Issue). when he starts doing it himself he's trying to get me comfortable with the notion of him being in my physical space, but I think he's just unsatisfied with my attempts at looking presentable… also letting me choose what music is playing in the office… and also probably just being… observant and taking notes of things like how I never use straws at restaurants… but I think that maybe just normal behavior for him. but for cute habits!! I think he likes to learn songs that I like a lot (read: songs I play a lot) and hum them to see if I realize. 

we’re both acts of service types, but i think that the nature of both our jobs and personalities make it hard for that to really come through as a love language. like, my job is already… doing stuff for him and his personality is, for lack of a better term, controlling— like is he doing a thing to exert his control or for you specifically? Idk if that makes sense. either way, i think that we both have to find other ways to express it. for sunday, i think it’s physical touch. but in a kind of subtle way, like, the fixing of my shirt collar or leaning on the shoulder… something like that LMAO. and for me… quality time perhaps. tho idk i work for him so like… i already give him a lot of my time! /j quality intimate time i suppose, not as like people who work together but as a couple. he might be a little of a quality time person too though. idk i can see him being adaptable. 

i think that me being verbally straightforward with praise or affection might fluster him some because i’m usually not, or i try to deflect. i also think changing up the wardrobe would get him a little flustered… like. women’s business wear can be varied so like, slacks -> modest pencil skirt or wearing a shimmery lip gloss when i normally don’t— that sort of change up. i also prefer looser styles anyway, so uh something a little more form fitting… i think that edges into the territory of him being turned on LMAO. speaking of that, when he comes to my home for the first time in the… ‘developing feelings’ part of the relationship and he sees that it’s… a mess he’s kind of confused because i’m much, much neater at work and i tell him something like ‘i use all my cleaning bandwidth when i’m at work with you’ which has the split reaction of ‘you should be neater at home anyway’ and uh, getting turned on at the notion that i’m reserving something of mine (my will/desire to be a neat person) just for him… if that makes sense??? i’m mostly too self conscious to try and fluster him on purpose BUT HIM…. he might do it on purpose. maybe because he thinks my flustered face is cute. like i am easily flustered, particularly with outward displays of affection… last night moda suggested his kissing the knuckles! inner part of the wrist!! i malfunctioned in the DMs! but uh… i think that seeing him a little uncomposed turns me on a little. maybe. maybe the control is a little hot. LMAO

AHEM ANYWAY. UH. i feel like i rambled a lot AAAAAAAAAA. really thank you so much for asking i normally don’t think about these kinds of things and usually just daydream about the scenarios in my head and not so much for the logistics of it… BUT I HOPE U DON’T MIND MY RAMBLINGS. I think i got a little nonsensical at the end hahah… NOW I GOTTA GO SLURP UP UR LORE. i was saving it for when i was done with typing this up hehe. 

[wings-of-ink]

Anon Ask response below! Very slight chapter 5 "spoiler" info too.

I thought I'd respond this way since I've rather liked being able to respond in chunks throughout the ask! ^_^

I saw the ask about bear related nicknames for Oswin, and I imagined my own MC (Winfred, I had mentioned him before) trying to call him any of that. But it doesn't work for him. Mostly because Winfred is taller and broader than Oswin, so if anything, Winfred resembles a bear more. A teddy bear, perhaps, given how sweet and kind he is, but a bear nonetheless.

I remember your Winfred! I love that, lol. So Oswin can be the honey to Winfred's bear?

Also, on a similar line of thought, I always think it's hilarious but very cute how protective the group is of my MC. Because, sure, Winfred is in a terrible unfair situation. But they don't know that at the beginning (except for Oswin), and my MC surely doesn't look weak nor frail. So it's funny to read how they all want to protect him so much. Yet, it's also so endearing. Winfred is such a sunny kind of character, I do imagine he is hard not to love.

That is adorable. They are all convinced that no matter how someone appears, they deserve a hand up when faced with troubles. Zahn is like an angry kitten putting on a brave face for Winfred, lol.

Speaking of love (I know I'm rambling at this point, sorry), I am heartbroken for Winfred. Because he used the chance to confess his feelings, and Oswin stopped him. And I don't know how Winfred would process that. Not entirely at least.

I've seen that theme in a few asks. I completely feel that, it's valid for MC's to feel heartbroken or rejected. It'll play out though and on the way home, Winfred will get to figure out how he feels about that.

For one, I know he won't force the topic again. He is understanding that Oswin needs time to tell him everything, so he'll understand he doesn't have to speak about love with Oswin just yet. However, I do imagine he could end up feeling resigned. In the sense he would interpret Oswin refusal not as Oswin feeling guilty about being loved by him, but rather as a declaration of an obvious fact: Oswin doesn't love him (which we know it isn't true, but Winfred doesn't know that). And since my Winfred's heart is wholly devoted, entirely and irrevocably owned by Oswin... It means Winfred probably would accept he'll never experience romantic love.

Awe, he's really going to go through it then. That is sweet, and it sounds to me like they sort of love in the same deep way.

Now, this is tragic and all, but I do imagine a funny scenario where Winfred —convinced Oswin doesn't, can't and will not ever love him— will try to find a partner that could make Oswin happy. Assuming Winfred survives, of course. Mostly because Winfred loves Oswin so much, that he prefers to see him happy with someone else than miserable. And maybe, if Oswin finds someone to love, then if Winfred died he would not feel as much pain, or at least would have someone to support him... I realize this stopped being funny to turn sad, guess I'm too fond of angst to stop myself.

LOL It's a sweet notion even if there is an underlying sadness to it! Oswin would be so torn up about that too.

In any case, I know you released chapter 5 recently. But I feel I need more and want to read chapter 6 as soon as possible. Especially so because the conclusion of chapter 5 shattered my expectations of how the story was going to go. I expected the journey to last until MC found a cure, not that they would return home. And that's not taking about the magic stuff that's going on. There is so much to learn about this world, and I'm hooked.

I miiiight have an outline going already.... :D I am really excited to write it too! I need to make some corrections to chapter 5 of course still, but I can't help but outline 6 to satisfy the "itch." The trip home is just to re-group though, so never fear, Winfred will be off to find answers again after a plan is made. I'm glad you love learning more about the world too, because there's some really fun info coming up! ^_^

Of course, don't pressure yourself. And remember to drink water too.

No worries! I'm making sure to take pretty good breaks before I really get into writing like normal. Winter is a very sleepy time for me and I know my limits. When I feel the spark, I poke around in my documents though. And I always have my water thermos at the ready!

Have a nice day!

You too my dear! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! ^_^

[ridiculous-hibiscus]

I'm an intp. I think I really like intjs but eventually they're all narcissists. Can't someone be clever, have emotional intelligence, humor and confidence without being manipulative?

Hi, @tikanw! Thank you for this ask! So...to answer your question, the short answer is Yes, absolutely an INFJ can be clever, emotionally intelligent, funny and confident without being manipulative. If you're asking if there are INFJs like this, I would say yes, the ones that are healing or have healed from the trauma of life, which hits us pretty hard.

Now for the long (probably pedantic) answer: From the small amount of research I've done (to help me understand myself), INFJs from the outside are a confusing mixture of seemingly opposite traits. But I can only tell you what I feel on the inside as an INFJ personally (can't speak for any others, and I only am aware of one other INFJ in my life).

I am an INFJ-T (turbulent). Took the MBTI about 4 times in my life, with intervals of several years, and got the same result each time. I definitely struggle with narcissism--always have, because from a young age, I seemed to simply "know" things and saw myself as a special snowflake 😬. I am keenly aware that my tendency is to self-aggrandize and JUDGE HARSHLY. So I have made what feels like a hefty effort to NOT do that. But it will always haunt me. I have a moral belief system that includes caring for others and helping them, and thankfully I don't have to expend any energy to want to do that. I want to be useful, helpful, the go-to person, the one who can make THE BEST difference and come in with the assist when someone else is drowning, hurt, or low for ANY reason 💞❤️💞. I feel that I truly care for people, and I am VERY tender-hearted, even toward insects and vermin. I am empathic, not in a "I can read your mind" way, but naturally attuned to the feelings of others. I think this creeps people out who don't know me, because I simultaneously care for them, understand them without speaking much to them, and hide my own true needs at all costs when in the presence of most people.

At the same time as I care so deeply, I struggle with people's decision making and behaviors that make no sense to me. Maybe you can relate as an INTP? 🤔 I've been forgotten and/or misunderstood by many people I've cared for, including friends, family, and classmates. I carried that self-righteous hurt and injustice for years. Now I'm starting to understand that my analytical, logical, "figure it out" process, which is totally internal most of the time, partnered with the desire to not bother anyone, not take up space, not be a burden, but to be ULTRA-INDEPENDENT, self-confident, and capable, confuses people. I've been doing the opposite of what's conducive to ANY relationship 😢. Not to mention that I get hurt by people who don't put effort back for me. I've reached out countless times, frightened and unsure of the reception, only to be (best-case scenario) smiled at politely and ghosted forever. I've also had reactions of awe, where someone was shaken because I knew all the obvious facts about them, but had never directly interacted, because of my quick, silent observations from a distance. I get it, I'm not for everyone.

I also struggle with humor. Usually when someone else tells me a joke I will get it the first time due to the extensive encyclopedia of references in my head. But if I try to joke back, I get an uncomfortable reaction, because what I said was too harsh or somehow off. Then I sigh and think it's no use. Again I am misunderstood. But I am used to it.

But I will tell you this: I have learned some social interaction rules, and had a few extremely kind people in my life, both personal and online, who were sweet to me no matter what. I married the most loyal of them, who is an INTJ-A and my rock, my ❤️ soul mate ❤️, my Person who Gets Me and I Get Him. I have a handful of women in my life who put up with my eccentric hyper-critical tendencies, and give me nothing but love and kindess without a hint of cattiness (which I can scent a mile away and run from) even though I am the most judgmental person they know. I know I am 😤😅. It makes me sad to think of hurting anyone with it, though, so I do try as hard as possible to welcome people, to be gracious with my words, expect the best of people's intentions, and conceal the blunt, harsh, logical things that pop up in my head. If I seem mysterious and awkward, it's definitely because I'm trying to spare someone from the nonstop hurricane in my head, trying NOT to slice, dice, direct, and arrange EVERYONE's lives and doings and feelings around me 🫣🫣.

I'd like nothing more than to speak my mind directly. Unfortunately only a few hardy souls are willing to receive that from me. And I would literally die for those people. I'm so dramatic haha. But you know, I finally love myself this way. And I know I am loved unconditionally, and it's ok for me to rest and not work ALL THE TIME. I have a managerial job that suits my analytical tendencies quite nicely, and it also gives me many opportunities per week to listen to people's problems, HELP them quickly, and feel satisfaction from doing so. If I can be paid to logic things out while helping and comforting people, that's a good day's work for me. To rest my brain, I lean into artwork of many types. I have been learning to open up verbally, to put myself out there more, to be more vulnerable with people that are safe. It's scary but wonderful.

Anyway, I've yapped enough, but thank you again for reaching out. I hope this helps you in any small way. Thank you for allowing me a philosophical moment with you...I truly appreciate it 😍. If you would like to talk more, feel free to dm. I am always open to sincere, kind, honest questions. Have a great weekend and week ahead!

Best always,

Hibi 🌺

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 1

three hearts anon, chesh anon, vent anon, political upsetness anon (new), midnights anon

three hearts anon

hiiiii cas

cas i fucked it again and honestly truly its my fault

i fucked up and i hurt some ppl rly close to me and idk how to fix it and im honestly apologising constantly to them but idk what to do

and ust before that my bf broke up with me and i think im going thru some sort of episode and im honestly just fucking up constantly

- three hearts anon

(im sorry if this seems blunt or mean i literally have 0 energy left and i honestly cant rn lol)

Hi! No, it doesn't seem blunt or mean!

I mean...have you asked them how to fix it? I think at some point, people have to kind of decide whether they're going to forgive or move on. It's not fair to either of you for them to just let you constantly beg for forgiveness. Maybe you could say "Hey, I really want to work this out. Is there something I can do to show you I'm sorry, or should I just give you space?"

Remember to be gentle with yourself. Your mistakes don't define you <3

___

Chesh anon

Hi! <3

I'm sending you all the virtual hugs. I also found a website that might be helpful for you. I haven't heard of this organization before, but it seems good. They have resources for your location <3

Remember, you're NOT alone. I care about you, and I promise, other people do, too.

Let me know what you think about the website!

___

vent anon tw-addiction

Hi! Thank you for the context lol

I mean when it comes to this particular thing, being around people who aren't clean can be very tempting. If you're trying to stay clean, it might be a bad idea to hang around them, no matter how nice they're being. And you can tell them that, too. Like you can say it's not necessarily them, it's that you don't want to be around that, and that's a fair boundary to set, so you absolutely should NOT feel bad for that.

sending love!

___

political upsetness anon

Hey Cas, sorry I have a political upsettness to say 🥲 I live in America, so I'm sure you know. I am so, so, so afraid for myself and everyone around me. I have been trying to fight against the feeling that everything is going to go wrong because it can't, yk what I mean? Like it can't go bad because it just... can't? Like no history won't be made with this because why would it? It's just going to be another case of everyone freaking out over nothing, and nothing will actually go wrong with this presidency. And then I realize that's probably exactly what people were feeling before every major event we learn about in history class. My dad's already talking about how to get me out if things go badly, and my mom refuses to even listen to any of my concerns so I'm stuck between someone who's absolutely convinced the US is about to turn into 1939 Germany and someone who voted for Trump and can't or won't accept that he's not doing things right. I have things I want to do. I want to stay a us citizen, I want to go to the collage I've chosen and get a masters in Biology, and I want to move to somewhere cold but accepting of who I am. I really wish I could see the future just to know it'll be okay, you know?

Hi <3

I completely understand, and it's definitely hard. I wish I could tell you everything is going to be okay, but like you said, nobody knows.

I think that the best thing to do is stay educated, stay aware, speak out if it's safe, but don't give up and don't stop pursuing your dreams. We have to hold onto the hope that things will change, and when they do, we're going to need more Biologists, because half the country doesn't believe in science right now lol.

Sending love <3

___

midnights anon

Hey, it’s midnights anon again! How are you? Thank you for your advice last time. The college stuff has been mostly figured out (also, incoming vent. Please please please feel free not to answer this one, I just feel like shit and can’t go anywhere else to process this right now)

But I’m not doing too hot mentally. My body keeps changing and I’m never hungry and eating and drinking water feels disgusting. I got my period and no one had any pads, not even the bathrooms. I tried to use a tampon but it hurt so badly and I just had to use tissue. I bled through my favorite shorts.

I am so stressed because of a test on Wednesday, I had a horrible mental health day today and yesterday, I had no time to study tonight because I broke down and started sobbing because of cramps

Cas I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m doing the normal things. I brush my teeth. I move my body and work out. I talk to friends. I try and be kind. I listen to music. I try and try and try but I’m so miserable so often. It makes me disassociate so hard and I can barely remember anything from any part of my life. Is that normal? Is that bad? I don’t know. What does existing even feel like??

I’m so tired. Everyone around me insists on being miserable as well, about how cooked they are for tests, about how horrible every year in high school is all the time everyday, about how much they hate things. I just want to be okay. I just want to be okay. What’s wrong with me, why is everything so hard?

What sucks is that i know that what im going through is practically nothing. “Oh boo hoo you had an accident and a lot of work. Poor you” but it feel so Bad. I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to make it better

I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry I’m just so lost

Im so sorry

Hi hon!

Please don't be sorry <3 I'm sorry about your period. Idk if it helps, but I've been there...it's fucking awful.

As far as your questions...is how you're feeling normal/bad?

Well...it's not normal, per se. It's not normal, as in, (I'm not a doctor but) this seems like a mental heath issue, yeah? And ideally, when you have mental health issues, you should ask for help. Not because you're crazy or bad, but because you deserve to feel happier than this!

BUT it's normal in the sense that SO many people have felt like this. SO many people struggle with this and it sucks. (I have! I still do, sometimes!). It's not 'practically nothing.' it's real, and it's difficult, and you're allowed to be upset about what you're going through. I promise, your feelings are valid.

Sending love <3

[lynzishell]

Prev // Next

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m glad you came out with me today. Dawn: Me too. Phoenix: It’s been a tough couple of weeks. Dawn: Yeah, it has.

Phoenix: Do you wanna talk about it? Dawn: No. Probably should, though. Phoenix: It might help. Dawn: I’m just… heartbroken. And I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.   Phoenix: Dawn, it’s not your –

Dawn: Don’t. Everyone keeps saying that, but I don’t know how you can believe it.

Phoenix: Okay, I’ll tell you what, if it’s your fault, then it’s mine too. And Atlas’s, for that matter. We were all up there together, and we all pushed each other to keep going when we felt like we couldn’t.

Dawn: But you kept trying to get me to stop.

Phoenix: Only for a few hours, for a night at most. And only to ensure you stayed well enough to keep going. So, you don’t get to keep all the blame for yourself. If it’s your fault, then it’s mine too, and we’ll share that burden.

Dawn: I could never let you do that. Phoenix: Why not? Dawn: Because you didn’t know. Phoenix: And neither did you.

Dawn: I feel like I should’ve though. I was just being stubborn, and I ignored everything my body was telling me because I hated being the one that was struggling.

Phoenix: I’m sorry, Dawn, I love you, but you’re just not that special. Dawn: Excuse me?

Phoenix: For one, you weren’t the only one struggling. You were just the only one puking. We were all struggling in our own ways. For two, of all the things that can go wrong on that mountain, there’s no way pregnancy was on anyone’s mind. You weren’t ignoring anything. You thought the same thing we all thought – altitude sickness. Because that was the most logical possibility for that situation. There’s no way you could’ve known more than any of us what was really going on. You’re just not that special.

Dawn: … I’m not that special? Phoenix: ‘fraid not. Dawn: I feel like that shouldn’t be as comforting as it is. Phoenix: [laughs] Well, if you ever need anyone to remind you how not special you are, I’m here for you. Dawn: [smiles] I may not be special, but I am very lucky. Phoenix: Aha, we’re getting cheesy now, are we? Dawn: Mhm

Dawn: [laughing] Alright, calm down, this is a family park.

Phoenix: Sorry, just missed you, I guess. Dawn: I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I shut you out. Phoenix: Yeah, that was hard. Dawn: I know. I won’t do it again. Phoenix: I hope not.

Dawn: Speaking of… You’ve been taking such good care of me, and I feel like I haven’t been there for you at all. How are you doing? Phoenix: I’m okay. Dawn: No. Honest answer. Phoenix:  Honest answer? Dawn: Yes.

Phoenix: Okay… I am… really fucking sad. Dawn: Yeah. Me too.

Phoenix: I didn’t know this was what I wanted until it was real. And then it was taken away, just like that, leaving this big, gaping hole in my chest. And then for a minute there, it felt like I was losing you too. For the first time in a long time, I wished I could just pick up the phone and call my mom, but of course, I couldn’t do that either. I’ve never felt so helpless.

Dawn: I’m so sorry. Phoenix: It’s okay. I’ll be alright. Mostly, I’ve been afraid that this has been too hard on you, and you won’t want to try again.

Dawn: You want to try again? Like actually try? Phoenix: [nods] Dawn: Me too. Phoenix: Really? Dawn: I mean, maybe not right now. I don’t know what we’ll have to do to make it happen, or how long it will take, but I know it won’t be easy. And I think I need some time before diving into all that. Phoenix: Of course, whatever you need, you just let me know when you’re ready.

[mysteriousdragon2]

Howdy everyone. Been a while since I posted anything, hasn’t it? Well, now I finally have the time to sit down, and talk about my feelings and what’s been happening. So, again this is venting, if you don’t want to hear it, you may disregard this post. But if you want to read, everything is in the “keep reading” tab. Thank you.

First of all, I’d like to say that it’s been difficult drawing digitally. My art device keeps acting up, and I’m fed up with it. So for the moment, you will most likely see me draw traditionally. A shame too because my traditional doodles don’t get as much love as my digital pieces, but it is what it is. So if I owe anyone any art pieces, chances are they’ll be done traditionally.

Second of all, which is relevant to the first point, it’s been getting hot where I live. 30+ degrees all week, making it hard to draw. I just apologize for taking so long in terms of art in general.

Third of all, my “parents” keep shaming me for who I am. Whether it’s as an artist, or for my body. But they adore to mentally bring me down, sometimes accusing me of having a mental illness or depression.

This household of mine is indeed a curse, you’re damn right Hol Horse. It’s simply infuriating that nobody understands my feelings around the house, everytime I express a single thing about myself, it goes to rot and put themselves first. And they say they worry for me for being away from home…please, it’s for my own good. My mental state has been declining a lot since then. The heat fries my brain, and my household is making me feel insignificant about myself. It’s bad enough that my self-esteem isn’t the greatest due to my past.

Fourth point, I’ll be honest. Making friends with a lot of people at this point feels pointless because 70-80% of the friends I make abandon me without saying a word, or neglect. Not a pleasant feeling. Hurts me a lot. There’s been many friends I’ve made that did just that, and even if I try to reach out to them every now and then, no luck. So I’ve kinda…stopped trying. People can be busy, or have more going on in life than expected and that’s understandable. But if you don’t say anything, I’ll never know a single thing.

What does it mean? It means that things have been very slow on my behalf. Too much stress on my mind, and I hardly have any time for myself anymore. It’s saddening, but I’ll still keep drawing, even if it’s severally slow. Just wanted to inform to those who’re reading this post that I’m still around, just exhausted from life.

I’d like to mention a couple people in this post: @spamtonjuice420 , @stardust-vi , and @fellow-traveller

Why, you ask? Simple. You guys have been amazing people in my life in many ways. Very talented artists, very kind individuals, and chill to talk to. We all know Hol Horse, so that’s a massive plus…I love how I’ve converted some people into liking Hol Horse too hah. But I just wished I could speak to some of you more often. But I can’t control what happens in one’s life, and I’ll simply have to be patient until I get an answer. But…even to all of my followers, it means a lot to me that you guys stick around too for my content. Even if it’s not that great. Thank you so much.

I’ll try to post commissions too. Even if they’re traditional, the prices will probably have to be juggled, but I’ll do something. Chances are, they will be rather cheap for a while. Just something to think about.

Thank you guys for sticking around, and have a good one. I’ll be trying my best to post something soon.

(Sources are from the Anime, OVA, and CDDH volume 1, chapter 1 pages 10-11)

[loversj0y]

this is me trying

coming back to london and being away from wilbur was hard. fighting your own coping methods and trying is harder.

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

angst, hurt/comfort

TRIGGER WARNINGS: fighting, yelling, broken bottles, lots of tears, and alcoholism, plus the briefest (one line) insinuation of suicidal thoughts.

note: this is part of the 'tis the damn season universe, but doesn't particularly have to be read alongside it (though you'd probably be very confused if you didnt read it). this part is pretty heavy. not even going to lie, i had to stop writing a few times to keep myself from getting too stressed, really heed the warnings. at least im getting better at writing fights? ao3 version

word count: 5.7k

You and Wilbur hadn’t seen each other in months. It was May, and the warm air was making the days feel a bit more pleasant if it weren’t for the glaring guilt in your chest. 

The last time you and Wilbur had seen each other was Valentine’s Day, when he’d taken a train up to London to visit you and surprise you with some takeout and roof access to your apartment — you didn’t actually know you could get up there. He wasn’t able to spend too much time with you, mostly due to your own time constraints, but it was a nice trip nonetheless. When he left, you’d promised you’d come down to Brighton to visit him soon.

That didn’t quite work out. You were going to visit for a full week at the end of the second term, however, once you’d met with your advisor, you learned just how behind you were on your final dissertation. It was incredulous because you had thought you were on track with it, but regardless you had to spend break trapped in the library, trying desperately to catch up on writing your paper on Lord Byron’s work. Then, you were supposed to visit during the Easter weekend, but you were given a paper, due in a week, that blocked any opportunities for travel. 

But you were determined this time. You had to do this. You devised a plan, and you found a perfect weekend where you would be completely free of assignments if you hustled. You even got Tommy in on it. 

“Hey, Tommy, sorry to call you like this, do you have a moment to chat?” 

You heard a laugh through the phone, “Yeah, hold on,” he mumbled something off the phone, and you could make out the sounds of him walking to another room. 

“What’s up?”

“I want to surprise Wilbur, and I need your help.” You smiled as you started launching into the details of your plan, each piece meticulously planned out for a wonderful weekend. 

He grinned, “Aw, he would love that. Why d’ya need my help though?” 

“Well,” you faltered a bit, “there’s a flaw in my plan, and it’s that I don’t know where Wilbur’s apartment is, and I especially don’t know how to get there from the station. So, I was wondering if you’d be able to pick me up and take me to Will’s?” 

“Oh, yeah, no problem, plus it’ll allow me to annoy him a bit as well, so yeah, sounds good.”

You cheered a bit, “Thank you so much, Tommy, you’re the best. I’ll text you all the other details, yeah?”

“Aw, I am the best, thank you. And yeah, that works.”

“Perfect, bye, Tommy!”

He responded with a quick bye in return, and you felt yourself grin. You had been trying so hard to find time to be able to go see him, and this was it!

You got a call a few minutes later from Wilbur himself, and you worried immediately that Tommy may have spilled something accidentally. You didn’t even have a chance to speak before he questioned you.

“Why did you call Tommy with something he will only describe as being ‘important’ and ‘for cool people only’?”

You snorted out a laugh, rolling your eyes a bit, “Well, hello, to you, too, Wilbur.”

“Hi, darling, I hope your classes went well today,” he rushed out, “Now answer my question.”

“I just had a question for him, Will.”

“One that you couldn’t ask me?” You could hear the pout in his voice.

“Nope. As he mentioned, it's for cool people only.”

He let out a gasp, indignation clear in his voice, “Darling, how could you? I am much cooler than Tommyinnit.”

You could faintly make out the sound of Tommy yelling at Wilbur in the background. 

“Don’t worry, alright?” You laughed, “It was just something only he could really answer.”

“Are there questions that exist that only that gremlin child can answer?”

“Believe it or not, yes.”

Wilbur whined on the other side of the phone, “Love, you know he’s going to hold this over me for months, right?”

“Oh, I’m aware.”

“So, why?”

“Well, if I’m going to ask a Minecraft-related question,” you lied cooly, “it’s better to ask a professional, isn’t it?”

He was silent for a long moment. “...I am a professional.”

“Will, we’ve played Minecraft together for years. You’re good, but even I could beat you at PVP.”

He groaned, “Is this some ploy? Are you messing with me?”

“Is it wrong for me to try and get closer to your best friend by asking him questions about his interests?” Okay, truthfully, that was a low blow. But the surprise would make it worth it.

“I guess not.” He chuckled, “Sorry, I’m just annoyed about how smug he’s going to be about this.”

“Don’t apologize. You know I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to chat with you, anyway.”

“I wouldn’t either, love,” you could hear the smile in his voice, and the vague sound of Tommy speaking to someone. From over the phone, the room sounded louder than before. 

“Is… something going on over there?” You chuckled, trying to hide the nervousness in your tone. You didn’t even know why you were nervous. Something was just gnawing at the back of your brain, and for some reason, you just felt… tense now.

“Oh, uh,” he paused, and you could hear more people talking now, “sort of. It’s nothing big or anything just, uh, Tommy’s having some friends over is all. He and I have been hanging out for a bit today, but we’re just at his now, so he invited a few people over and stuff.”

You nodded quietly. You couldn’t help the sadness you felt fill your chest. You were trying to be there, but it was still hard to hear about all the things you were missing out on, all the times you missed him, and stories and inside jokes you would never truly understand. 

“Right, okay. Well, I-I’ve got to get back to studying, anyway, so.”

“Darling, it’s nothing, really-” “No, it’s not an excuse or anything,” It was,  “I-I just… ‘m busy, is all, so I’ll let you hang out.”

You were both silent. He knew you were lying, and you could tell. But he wouldn’t call you on it. Not now. Not when you hadn’t seen each other in months and every slight felt like a balancing act, trying to keep the other from pulling away. You were so excited a moment ago, and you didn’t mean for the sadness to overtake your entire conversation. You just couldn’t help sometimes how every conversation, every time you heard him talk about the things he was doing, cut you open more and more. He didn’t mean to, and you would never hold it against it but almost every conversation opened the wound a bit further. 

He spoke up after a minute, “Okay, well… good luck studying, and text me when you’re done,” he paused, voice softer, “I love you.”

You bit your lip, unable to hide the guilt bubbling in your chest at his solemn tone, “I will. I love you too.”

You hung up quickly, setting your phone down on your desk. You placed your head in your hands, taking a shaky breath and fighting off the tears in your eyes. It would be easier, soon. You’d see him in a week. You tried to console yourself.

 You wouldn’t admit it out loud to Wilbur, no matter how much he asked, but you weren’t entirely adjusting well to being back here, without him. The first week, you could only fall asleep if he was on the phone with you. Then, there was one night where he fell asleep before you could call. You ended up turning to an older sleep method, knowing that you needed to get to bed in order to be able to make it to classes. Before you knew it, your room became littered with empty bottles you barely had the energy to clean up. It was an interesting dichotomy, the clear vodka bottles piling on your nightstand and the white Panadol bottles piling on your sink and in your backpack. You were mostly lucky the weekend he came for Valentine’s Day, because you had forced yourself to clean up your room a few days before, meaning there was only one half-empty bottle of vodka on your shelf, and a single bottle of Panadol left on your sink (though there were numerous more inside your school bag). 

You weren’t completely lucky, though. Your weekend with Wilbur was almost entirely perfect. Until the end. Every time you thought back to the end, you watched the memory as if it wasn’t you, as if you were a watcher, not the one actually there.

You’d walked back in with Wilbur, around midnight. The apartment was mostly quiet, except for one of your roommates who was standing in the kitchen,  fixing themselves a drink. When they heard you enter, they turned, perking up a bit.

“Y/N, hey, could I borrow some vodka? I ran out.”

You’d nodded, “Yeah, I’ll grab it, hold on.”

While you’d gone to grab the bottle, Wilbur took his coat off, your roommate lightly chatting with Wilbur while you walked to your room and back. You’d only caught the ending of their brief conversation, listening in as you walked slowly from the hallway back to the kitchen, trying to not wake up your other roommates. 

“-mean, seriously, Wilbur, they can even drink me under the table. Every week, they come in with a new bottle.”

“Wait, every week?”

“Yeah!” Your roommate was laughing, and it hadn’t even crossed your mind yet that they were talking about you, “I mean, seriously, once a week, they walk in and one hand has a bag with vodka from Tesco, and the other hand has a bag from the chemist’s.” 

You walked back over by the time your roommate finished speaking, placing the bottle in front of them. Wilbur gave you a strange look as you did, going uncharacteristically quiet as you said a quick goodnight to your roommate, bringing Wilbur, and the bottle, back to your room. 

You placed the bottle back on the shelf while Wilbur closed the door. With your back turned, he spoke up finally. 

“Darling…” he seemed to struggle to find the words, “Are you… okay?”

You’d chuckled, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You tell me,” he spoke, and you turned to face him. He had a sad look on his face, almost pitiful, and in the moment, it made you feel sick. “You’ve apparently been going through a bottle a week.”

Your entire body had gone rigid, eyes had gone fearful for a moment before you’d defaulted to being defensive. “That doesn’t mean anything is wrong, Wilbur. It just helps me relax, and you know that I can handle my alcohol.”

“Love, you can’t seriously expect me to just accept that answer,” he scoffed, and he almost looked mad. Looking back, you knew he wasn’t mad at you, more just concerned that you were trying to hide this from him. Even so, in the moment, you thought he was mad. While you couldn’t really place why he would’ve been mad, you knew that it made your own blood heat up. 

“Well, it’s- the fucking truth, okay? So just- leave it.”

“How many bottles?”

“Wilbur, what-”

“How. Many.” He looked tense, walking to your bathroom and grabbing the bottle of Panadol, “How many weeks has this been going on? How many bottles have you gotten? If you’re struggling, you should–”

“I’m not fucking struggling, you’re reading into this!”

“Oh, am I? Really?”

“Yes, Wilbur! I am fine, better than fine, in fact, and don’t act like you haven’t been drinking too. You always text me when you do!”

“I’m not against you drinking, but you know how insane going through a fifth a week is. I know that’s not normal for you.”

“How the fuck do you know that? Hm?” You’d practically yelled out before you spoke out again, each word spitting venom at him, “You haven’t been here, Wilbur, you don’t know anything about the way I am when I’m here! Please stop fucking acting like you know everything about me.” You’d gestured with your hands while you spoke, eyebrows raising as you looked at him incredulously, “Yes, okay, fine, you win! I have been drinking more! Basically every night, but that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me, Wilbur. I am trying my hardest just to fucking exist enough to finish the school year, I am allowed to have vices without it being some big, stupid conversion. Now, let’s just drop it, we’re both exhausted. It’s not going to help to just stand here and argue, okay?”

You’d panted softly as you’d finished. You watched as waves of hurt appeared on Wilbur’s face, and now that the moment had passed, you’d felt just complete, immediate regret as you watched his face fall, staring down at the floorboards. 

“Yeah. Fine.” He spoke out flatly.

You two went to bed that night next to each other, still sharing a kiss and exchanging “I love you”s, but feeling tenser than ever before. 

In the morning, you two had been able to patch things up, but not before Wilbur made you agree to just call him anytime you needed to relax instead of immediately turning to alcohol. You agreed, and you’d been doing a pretty good job of it, even if you still drink sometimes. But ever since the fight, there’d been this tense air in your relationship, lingering in each conversation, both too scared to overstep and lose the other all over again.

You stared at the bottle on your desk as if it was taunting you. You couldn’t call him, so it was that or sleeplessness. You sat up, shaking your head slightly and wiping the tears from your face, taking a deep breath. You couldn’t. Wilbur would call before bed, he always did now. Instead, you distracted yourself, pulling up your laptop and writing out your list of due dates for this week and the next two weeks, albeit the tears in your eyes made it a bit harder than usual. You wrote the list on a sticky note, placing it on your laptop. Some of these things were easier to knock out than others, for sure. Three big assignments and three small ones, plus whatever reading you had to do in between. Thankfully, only two of the big assignments were due this week, the last one could be left for after you came back from visiting him. 

You got started, working on a poem analysis for your Romantic Poetry class and letting your own thoughts fade in the noise of Wordsworth and Keats. 

You’d started working on your second small assignment when he’d called later that night. You set your phone up against your laptop, accepting the video call with a gentle smile on your face. 

“Hi, darling,” he grinned, and with a quick listen to his voice, you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober. You didn’t bring it up.

“Hi, Will. Did you have fun at Tommy’s?”

He nodded quickly, turning to get comfortable in his bed, “Kid’s a menace, for sure, but yes,” he frowned, getting a better look at you, “Babe, are you still studying?”

You sighed, “Yes, Will, I am.” “It’s been like three hours, how dare they? How could they possibly assign you so much?”

“God, I wish I knew. It’s like they all just decided that everything would be due this week. I might not be able to do our video chat dinner this Friday. I have a huge project due on the 21st.” In reality, you would be taking an hour train to his place and having real-life dinner, but he didn’t need to know that yet. 

“That’s not for so long though,” he whined out, pouting.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes a bit, “Yes, but it’s Professor Brian. He makes us all come to his office hours, so he can make sure we’re on the right track, and I need to go in early before the other students can take up all the timeslots. I need to make sure I have everything prepared for that.”

He sighed, relinquishing, “Okay. I know how important all this is, anyways. Plus, graduation isn’t too far now, so you need to finish strong.” He smiled, nothing but supportive towards your academic goals. 

“Graduation will be here before we know it. Still gonna host me that party?”

You both laughed, and he nodded, “Oh, absolutely. We’ll have two parties, a moving party and a graduation party all in one.”

You smiled fondly at him, nodding, “Yeah. That sounds really nice.”

He gave you a look, eyes full of love and adoration, “I miss you so much, love.”

You sighed wistfully, “I miss you too. We’ll see each other soon enough, I’m sure. We’ve waited years, we can do months.” 

He grinned, repeating your words, “We can do months.”

The rest of the conversation was standard, asking “How’s your day”s and sharing loving words. He tried to convince you to sleep once more, but you told him how important your work was, and he eventually gave up the topic. You wished each other a goodnight, saying “I love you”, before he eventually headed to bed fully. After you hung up, you looked back up at the bottle. The urge to drink was gone now. And if you weren’t going to get any sleep, you may as well continue working.

The rest of the week went by smoothly. The stress and weight of assignments and your plans for Friday kept you from sleeping properly, which at least gave you more time to work on your assignments. 

Friday approached quickly, and you couldn’t sit still in a single class the entire day, let alone Professor Brian’s class. He taught your Victorian Literature class, and he was a genuinely caring professor, despite being a bit intimidating. You could barely focus throughout class, far too excited. When it was time for class to be dismissed, you stood eagerly, but Professor Brian stood in the way for you to leave.

“Do you mind staying a few minutes?” He asked, a kind smile on his face.

As much as you didn’t want to, you really liked this professor, and his opinion of you meant a lot to you. So you nodded, following him to pull a chair up to the other side of his desk. 

He sat down, giving you a gentle smile, “I wanted to ask how your paper is going. You haven’t come in for office hours yet.”

Wow, and you thought you were the early prepper. “Well, I was planning to come in on Wednesday since it would give me a week until the project was actually due.”

He frowned, “What day is the paper due?”

You gave him a confused look, responding simply, “The 21st.”

His head tilted back, and he nodded slowly, “Right, I’ve found the problem then. The paper is due the 12th, not the 21st.”

You felt your heart stop. You pulled out your laptop, looking at the sticky note you had taped to it. You had certainly written the 21st. Fuck, you thought, realizing quickly that it must’ve been a consequence of your own mental state since you’d been crying when you wrote the list. 

“Oh. Oh, god, I’m-” You struggled to continue your sentence, too distraught. The paper was due in three days, not twelve like you’d thought.

“Hey, don’t fret,” he pulled out his calendar, humming for a moment, “It’s an honest mistake, and you’ve always been on top of your classwork. I can’t offer a major extension, but I can give you until Wednesday the 14th, but that’s only if you come to office hours first thing on Monday. I can help out with some more of the editing work for the paper, but only on that day, and you’ll need to have at least most of it worked out. I trust in your abilities to create a well-thought-out thesis, especially given your passion in previous classes when we’ve discussed Wilde. Does that work?”

You nodded quickly, fighting tears as your entire plan crumbled around you. “Yeah, yes. I-I can do that.”

“Alright.” He offered you another kind smile, though it did nothing to stop the feeling of the world-shattering around you, “And are you alright? You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t wish to, but you were much more quiet in class today than usual.”

“Yeah. It’s nothing now, anyway.” You sighed, biting your lip to keep it from quivering too much. You stood, pulling your bag on while he nodded slowly.

“Keep your head up, alright? You’re a brilliant student. I don’t like to see you falling behind.” 

You knew he meant no harm with his words, but it added to the pit of self-hatred that you were slowly sinking into. 

You just nodded, turning and heading towards the door, “Thank you, Professor.”

“Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too,” you spoke, trying to put more enthusiasm into your words than you actually felt. 

You practically ran out of the hallway, the air feeling like it was choking you. You walked to a random bench outside, on the edge of campus, unable to stop yourself from completely breaking down. You’d been planning this for weeks, how could you have fucked up this bad? You sobbed, head in your hands. 

The tears didn’t stop. The sun was starting to set, and all of a sudden it felt like there were too many eyes on you, so you stood and ran. You ran all the way to the water, panting heavily as you stared out at the river, standing on the old bridge that was always abandoned this time of night. You stared at the water as you sobbed, chest heaving as you struggled to breathe. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

You had to call Tommy. You already felt like enough of a fuck-up, you could at least prevent him from wasting his time picking you up.

With shaky hands, you took out your phone, dialing Tommy.

It rang once before he picked up, your sobs immediately carrying over the phone.

“Y/N?” He asked, panicked, “Are you crying, did something happen?”

You heard some arguing over the phone, but you could barely hear it over the sounds of your own crying as you began to speak, “Tommy, don’t- I-” your voice quivered, biting your lip hard enough to bleed. 

There was still some arguing happening on his side, but you paid it no mind.

He tried to say something, but you cut him off before he could as the words broke through your sobs. 

“Don’t- don’t bother p-picking me up,” you sobbed out, “I f-fucked it. I fucked it all up.”

“Y/N, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

“It’s- it’s stupid, I- I’m sorry. I can’t- I can’t come anymore. I fucked up,” there was sarcastic laughter behind your words as you continued speaking, tears streaming down your face, “I can’t, fuck, I- I fucking ruined everything, I- I was trying, I am trying, but I-” you gasped for breath, one hand clutching your chest weakly as you sat at the edge of the bridge. 

“Take a deep breath, come on. What are you talking about?” It almost sounded like he was pleading. 

“I just-” you sobbed, trying to muffle your cries to get your words out, “Tell Wilbur I’m sorry.” You pulled your phone away from your ear, ending the call despite hearing his panicked voice through the phone. You shoved your phone in your bag, curling up into a tight ball as you sobbed until you could barely think.

Unfortunately for you, you could still think. Your sobbing had been reduced to slow tears and the occasional hitch in your breath. As the sunset faded into the night sky, you became so acutely aware of how you’d fucked up your relationship. The one you’d spent years pining for, that you wanted to work so hard for. You let all of it fall apart. Even when trying so hard, your trying just wasn’t enough. You stood up, walking to the railing and staring down at the water. 

The rushing water felt like it stared back at you. 

You gripped the railing tightly, and you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe all over again. You slowly backed away, letting go of the railing and trying to collect yourself. 

Once you were calm enough, you turned, walking the slow trek back to your apartment. Your eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and it’d be impossible to hide that you’d been crying even if you tried. You realized off-handedly that you had no clue how long you’d been there sobbing. The sky was your only reminder that time had even passed. 

You walked to the apartment slowly, body feeling drained. When you opened the door, you were met with all three of your roommates in the living room, staring at you with concern. One of your roommates, Jayden, sighed softly, speaking into the phone and looking away. 

“What’s going on?” You asked softly, voice cracking. You didn’t have the heart to be embarrassed. 

“Wilbur called,” your other roommate, Quinn, spoke up softly. 

You didn’t bother responding, just nodding and walking to your room. They didn’t fight it, watching you quietly. 

You grabbed the bottle, laying down in your bed, and staring at it. There was barely anything left, probably about a shot’s worth. Your hands shook as you stared, mentally waging a war over whether or not you’d take that final sip. A sob wracked your body, and instead of drinking it, you threw the bottle against the opposite wall, watching it shatter and spill over the floor. You couldn’t be bothered, turning away from the door and curling up into a tight ball. You heard movement outside your door, but you didn’t move, and eventually, the footsteps departed. You closed your eyes, lying drained on your bed and letting yourself drift in and out of restless sleep.

When you came to at one point, you could make out the sound of someone picking up the pieces of glass you’d shattered. You wanted to turn, to mumble a thank you to whichever roommate had cleaned it for you, but you felt frozen in your own sadness. You listened, though, keeping your eyes closed. The sounds of each shard falling into a bag, the sound of a towel wiping at the wet spot left by the vodka. Then, there was a pause before you heard the gentle sound of footsteps moving toward your bed. You felt the bed dip, and you couldn’t fight the confusion that creased into your brow. An arm slowly wrapped around you, and you let your eyes open, taking a moment to process. You thought you must be dreaming.

Your voice sounded weaker than you’d hoped it would as you spoke. 

“Wilbur?” You turned, looking up and seeing the face of your lover staring back at you. He looked as exhausted as you felt, and it looked like he’d been crying as well.

You sat up slowly, and he did the same, brushing back some of your hair. 

“Hi,” He sighed softly, sitting across from you, “You scared the shit out of me.”

Tears welled in your eyes, and your hands reached for him as if to make sure he was actually, really there in front of you. He held onto your arms gently as well. 

“What- what are you doing here?” “You were on speaker when you called Tommy.” He sighed softly, “We could only come for tonight, but we really need to talk. We could wait til the morning if you’d prefer.”

As much as you’d like to have one last good night in his arms, you’d rather rip the bandaid off now.

“No, let’s talk now.” You sighed.

He nodded, watching you quietly, “Can you tell me what happened, then?”

You took a shaky breath, nodding softly. “I was going to come down this weekend. I spent weeks planning it, making sure I could get everything done in perfect timing. But that night I called Tommy, after you called me, I started crying, and I wrote down one of my due dates wrong,” you sniffled, chuckling sardonically at yourself. “God, it’s so stupid. But my professor stopped me after class, and he extended the due date, but he could only extend it by two days. So, I couldn’t come to surprise you anymore, and,” you sobbed, biting your lip and trying to hold yourself together, “I called Tommy and let him know that he didn’t- he didn’t have to pick me up anymore.” 

Wilbur nodded as he listened to you explain. He knew you better than you ever wanted to admit. “On the phone, you said… you ruined everything. You weren’t just talking about the plans, were you?”

You shook your head, moving your hands to hide your face behind them, “No.”

“Did you… think that I would stop talking to you because of this?”

You took a shaky breath. It felt like your last chance to be honest while you still could. So, you let the words spill from your mouth in endless streams.

“I just- I haven’t been doing well, Wilbur, ever since I got back here. I was drinking every night, really heavily, and I know it wasn’t good. And I’m sorry for how I talked to you that night, I was just scared and defensive, and,” you took a shaky breath, “every time we’ve talked after that fight, everything would feel different, and I was just getting terrified that my time was running out, that you were going to finally decide that you’ve had enough of the fucking mess that I am. Every time you would tell me about the cool things you were doing, I just couldn’t help but feel like it was cutting me open, no matter how happy I was for you, and now, I just I feel like I’m an open wound that can’t close no matter how much I try. And I am trying. You have to believe me, really, I am trying. I didn’t,” You cried softly, head still in your hands, “I didn’t drink it. The rest of the bottle, I-I didn’t drink it. I am trying.” You felt like you were pleading for him to believe you.

“Hey, hey” he spoke softly, gently holding onto your forearms, “Let me see your face. Please.”

You let your hands fall, looking up at him. You never felt smaller than in that brief moment where you could feel him seeing you in your entirety. 

He gently moved a hand to your cheek, wiping at your eyes softly. 

“I know you’re trying. I’m proud of you for not drinking it. Really, I’m insanely proud of you. I can see that you’re trying. I’m not going to leave you or stop talking to you because you’re struggling. That doesn’t mean what happened is okay, but darling, you need to communicate with me. Neither of us are going to be perfect about anything, and I know I’m not perfect with it either, but when you start having these thoughts and ideas that I’m going to leave you? That’s when you need to come to me and talk to me. I know it’s hard, and I’m not expecting it to be an easy or quick fix, but I need to know that you know that you can come to me. That I’m someone you truly trust. Because if not, it will just hurt us both.”

You nodded quickly, leaning into his touch, “I’m sorry. I’m going to try, I just- I get so in my head sometimes, I just-” You took a shaky breath, and he carefully moved forward, pulling you into a tight hug. You hugged him back just as tightly, burying your face into his chest.

“I do trust you,” you whispered, “I’m just scared you’re going to see me the way I see me.”

He took a shaky breath, kissing the top of your head. “And I’m just trying to get you to see yourself the way I see you.”

You sobbed softly, clinging onto him tightly. He held you just as desperately, rubbing your back.

“I love you,” you spoke softly once you’d calmed down enough, “so much.” “I love you so much too.” He pulled away, only to pull you in for a kiss. You kissed him back, your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. The kiss felt like breathing, a strong sense of relief in the physical confirmation that despite everything, you didn’t lose him.

When you pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, and you both sat like that quietly for a few minutes.

“I missed you,” You spoke softly, looking up at him. “You said you’re only here for tonight?” 

“I missed you too. Even if it didn’t go as planned, at least we still got to see each other this weekend,” he lightly joked before nodding, “We are only here for tonight.”

“Wilbur, I can’t go to Brighton anymore, I have to write my paper,” you sighed.

“Oh, no, I know. I wasn’t talking about you.” “What?” “Tommy insisted on coming with. He was really worried too. He’s currently sleeping on your couch.” 

You chuckled, your chuckle soon turning into full laughter as you imagined Tommy’s lanky limbs leaning off your cheap couch. Wilbur started laughing as well, arms still wrapped around you, slowly rubbing up and down your back.

Once you stopped laughing, you leaned into him, relaxing against his chest. He moved both of you into laying down. 

“I’ll talk to him in the morning. Today’s been exhausting. Can we just sleep?” Wilbur nodded, kissing the top of your head once more. “I would love nothing more than to sleep with you right now.” 

You groaned, lightly hitting his chest, but you couldn’t deny the laughter that bubbled up in your chest. 

“Goodnight, love.” He grinned.

“Goodnight, Wilbur.”

taglist: @shubblelive / @superioritycomplexes / @your-shifting-gurl (send an ask/dm me if you want to be added)

[toothtalk]

Hi!! I have a couple questions so feel free to break them up if you need too, and 1 tip :)

I had soo much trouble with mint toothpaste, but my hygienist recommended trying one without Sodium Lauryl Sulfate - which has been much easier on the skin around my mouth!! It really bothers my skin/lips, and was part of the reason I avoided toothpaste for a long time. I think proenamel has one without it, or sensodyne if people are looking!!!

1. I have massive problems remembering to brush my teeth, (but I promise I’m working on it) and I find after I use toothpaste lets say after a week without, my mouth feels awful and dry and icky. I’m assuming whatever culture I have in my mouth is probably really peeved, but it’s so annoying to feel MORE icky after doing the right thing. If you have any info on what’s happening or tips to combat it, I would be grateful 🥲

2. Are your teeth not supposed to touch in a relaxed jaw? (More of a I saw this online but not sure if true lol)

3. I’m adhd, and I am fighting for my LIFE to explain to my brain that brushing in the morning makes sense. I’m struggling with when. Before I eat? After? Post coffee??? What about post sipping coffee on the commute to work? Ahhh!!! Doesn’t help that I drink a little bit of orange juice and hateee the mint/juice combo.

4. Toothbrush storage - I have the smallest bathroom in my apartment, and my cat’s litter box is in there too. I have a cover on my toothbrush, but i know it’s probably not ideal 😬 any storage tips? (My bathroom has no drawers which is the bane of my existence lol, every thing is open.)

Thank you!!!! I really appreciate that this blog exists, because oral hygiene is super important and generally misunderstood! Getting facts and straight forward explanations is making it easier to go Oh! Okay I can do that! Obvi take your time answering LOL absolutely no rush 🦷

Oh and a fun dentist story: I’ve had my dentist my entire life, literally. So has my sister. We’re very similar looking, she’s just a mini version of me, BUT we have very different teeth. I am very fortunate and she is…not so much lol. My dentist was Convinced I was my sister until he looked in my mouth and saw my teeth 😂 absolutely hysterical interaction to go no, I don’t need a crown????? Huh????? Oh yes your teeth are fine see you in six months byeee!

i love all these questions!! this is gonna be a bit of a long one so i can cover everything :)

i get this exact same thing when i haven't brushed in a few days, particularly that gross taste on my tongue. it's a combination of bacteria building up on your teeth and soft tissues, and good old-fashioned dry mouth. usually, if you haven't brushed in a few days, your mouth is gonna need a bit of a deeper clean than usual. think of it like dishes in the sink; the longer they've been sitting there, the harder you have to work to get them clean again. tongue scraping and using an antibacterial mouthwash are very effective in clearing out all the stuff that makes your mouth feel gross, and flossing and brushing will mechanically remove the buildup from your teeth. i like to do it in this order: tongue scrape, mouthwash, floss, brush. this should leave your mouth feeling sparkly clean, and will give you a boost in saliva production to help prevent more buildup!

generally speaking yes, when your jaw is relaxed your teeth shouldn't be touching. if they are, this may be a sign that your jaw isn't fully relaxed, or that your teeth are misaligned. it's not necessarily a problem, but over time you may find that the teeth that are touching will wear down and be more susceptible to damage.

i'm actually fighting this same battle with myself right now!! i'm someone who leaves next to no time in the morning between getting up and leaving for work, and i like to get a coffee on the way in, so it's hard to find a good time for that morning brush. i've found that brushing immediately after waking up works well, since the mint taste has mostly faded by the time i get my coffee, but if you like to drink or coffee or juice at home, brushing afterward would probably be better. if the minty taste is what deters you, you can actually just brush with water, and use fluoride toothpaste with your night time brush. the mechanical brushing action is the most important part of that morning brush, as well as restarting the flow of saliva after it's been reduced overnight. maybe give water brushing a try in the mornings and see how it goes!!

honestly, having a cover on your toothbrush is probably the best way to do it!! that will protect it from all the germs from the litterbox, but i would make sure it's dry before covering it so it doesn't get mildew. but man, no drawers in the bathroom just sounds like such a pain!!!

and thank you for the toothpaste tip and the story!! i didn't even know about that ingredient being an irritant, so you've taught me something new which is always appreciated :)

happy brushing!!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. This does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services. Information on this blog should NOT be used for diagnostics or treating a health problem. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified dental health provider regarding diagnosis and treatment of a dental condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.

[givethemsmut]

THE PACK | Chapter Thirteen

Brody had music on low as he burned out down the road, “Okay, so we’re driving now. How about some closure?”

“There’s this spot we use to go to,” he trailed off, truly avoiding any real solution here.

“Brody. Start talking. Why are you being stubborn?”

“I put in all the work. I’ve been trying since puberty. You get drunk once with him and fuck?”

“I don’t know what happened. It was out of nowhere.”

“That was suppose to be me. We were gonna finish school, get a place, have the jobs we want and get married.”

“And what if I didn’t want sex once while married? You’d have sex behind my back again?”

“That’s different.”

“Not really. I knew you my whole life, that’s like marriage. There wasn’t anything you didn’t know or experience with me. To find out you had other girls? Devastating. Funny thing is if you told me straight up hey this turns me on to the point of I’m gonna have to cheat I probably would of fucked you in high school!”

“Then why were you still with me? Why did we keep fucking around if you knew about the girls?”

“Because who else was I suppose to be myself with? Who else am I gonna get drunk with? Because who else am I gonna fool around with?” I continued, “I got horny too Brody, I just wasn’t ready.”

“But I could see you naked, shower, dry hump you, put a toy between your legs, fucking finger you while we made out?” “Yes. I was comfortable with you. I trusted you.”

Brody grabbed my hand as he pulled up to a clearing and parked, “Well was it all you thought?”

“I think so. Just waiting for it to fade. Less distracting.”

“Being horny? It won’t. Not using condoms doesn’t help. I think you have to be with someone awhile. You remember this spot?”

I laughed and listened to him talk, “First party of freshman year. You were the only girl staring out at the city instead of drinking and dancing.”

I didn’t speak I let him, “He treat you good?”

I turned towards the window I thought I saw lights, it was very secluded, many drug deals happened in this part of the mountain. Finally I answered, “Very. He’s super nice, gentleman, nice. He even interrupted my lecture to get me go out with him after I ignored him.”

Brody sat up looking out my window, “That’s who I’m waiting for.”

He rolled down the window and passed a $100 bill over for an exchange of a baggy with white powder. I knew he smoked and drank but hard drugs? I waited for the stranger to leave and immediately ripped the bag out of his hand.

“What are you doing?!”

“Calm down. It’s not coke, it’s something to keep me focused.

“We weren’t like that. Ever.”

“No, you weren’t like that. You were always different. Alex and I? We gave in a long time go sweetheart. She’s been having sex and drinking since she was 12. I got our first blunt from her. I’ve been taking pills since high school, how else could I take all honors, sports and still party?”

“Just take me back Brody.”

He turned facing me, getting closer, “You were the one inspiring us to be better. This whole time. I’m a little lost without that.”

“You’re the one who stormed out because I wasn’t ready for sex.”

“I’m sorry for that. I was frustrated, you were half naked and I kept thinking how I’ve been trying since we were 14. Do you know what that’s like? I was on top of you, you were fucking naked and I wanted you. Fuck even your parents asked me if I took your virginity in high school. They knew what we were doing.”

“My parents??”

“Yes. You’re Dad knew we fooled around and shit. In high school, freshman year, I remember we used his shower because it was the new house and he had this dope shower head. We kissed a few times, nothing wild before we got in. I left the door open because I knew nothing would happen. We got in, hot wet, I pushed you against the wall and started touching you. You were kissing my neck and my head was turned towards the door. Your dad was frozen. After we got out he pulled me aside and asked me if we were sexually active with each other. I got interrogated about condoms, safe sex and shit.”

“My mom?”

“In your old house. We were drinking wine, the TV was playing but we were making out. First time I fingered you. You were moaning and your mom heard. When I left she called my name and asked me to come in her room. She told me the amount of fooling around we did was going to amount to some bad decisions. She told me not to put a condom on in front of you because that’s awkward and you’d wanna help. She told me to be careful and Shit. She said you hated horse back riding classes and I would have to pop your cherry. She also told me to be careful with you. She thought we’d be forever.”

“I miss my mom.”

His hand was on my leg as I continued, “Do you feel better now? About Dylan and us not happening?”

“I still want to hurt him. You better be on birth control now.”

I bit my lips knowing I wasn’t and it probably was a dumb idea. He turned towards me and asked, “Closure?”

I wasn’t sure what he meant but he came closer to me I felt his lips against mine. I froze. The kiss was long and I felt his tongue enter my mouth as they tangled. He felt familiar, safe. He pulled away but his lips were still brushing against mine, “damn.”

I felt his hands wrap around me as he pulled me closer and his lips crashed against mine. I pushed him away gently, “That was your last kiss. Closure.” We were both breathing heavily and I tried to not be turned on but I was.

He took my back to the party and both of the boys were sitting on the curb more then drunk with more then one empty bottle next to them. Dylan jumped up too quickly as Posey put his arm around him, helping each other stay up right.

Brody went inside his own home as I told Dylan he wouldn’t be a problem anymore. We went back inside so I could catch up on drinking. Dylan was dancing and still drinking but beer now.

I told Alex we were doing shots now as I told her some of what happened. I asked her about Posey, what was happening or what she wanted. She said, “It’s just fun. No feelings. He did help with the place tho. Heavy lifting. He got rewarded.”

We both laughed so much. I asked her if she had some pot because the memories of my mom were eating at me, not the house but her knowing Brody and never knowing Dylan.

She ran inside and came back with a blunt already rolled and lite the end. I took a big puff as one of Dylan’s cast mates came over and I suddenly felt very caught. He sat down next to me, “Drinking and smoking?” I shook my head at the older gentleman and he puffed on the blunt before handing it back.

He asked me some basic questions before thanking me for having him. It was 2 AM before everyone started to leave and welcome us back home. It was just us 4 inside around the kitchen island talking, munching on pizza. Posey asked, “Dyl, how was Maze Runner? Sexy scenes?”

He laughed hard, “Nah. Hero Shit. Amazing cast! Can’t wait for my Teen Wolf fam! Season 3!!”

Posey asked Dylan, “When’s your mom’s flight in? My mom said she’ll be here around noon.”

Dylan had the most serious face ever, “What??”

Posey laughed, “Bro you’re mom is coming to town tomorrow. She knew you got back and we start filming again in two weeks. Her and my mom planned lunch. My mom is cooking lunch here. I told her it’s nicer then our place. We haven’t cleaned.”

Dylan stood up, “Bro! You couldn’t have texted me that?! I’m fucking hammered!” Posey laughed knowing he’d feel like shit tomorrow.

He turned towards, “Well hope your ready to meet my mom!”

Alex told me, “I invited your dad already. He’s a crowd pleaser.” Knowing his mom was coming made me nervous but I knew I was charming with parents.

I leaned over kissing Dylan’s neck as I whispered in his ear, “Bed time baby?” He touched my hip and told me he’d be right up, I could tell he was distracted by his mom coming. I kissed his neck a few more times before he looked at me understanding what I meant.

The stairs were right near the kitchen so I stepped out of my shorts leaving them at the bottom of the stairs. Next I left my shirt in the hallway. Leaving a trail of my clothes including my panties and bra. I left the door open listening to the boys talk while Alex cleaned.

Posey asked him, “How’s Shit? Still fucking like bunnies?”

Dylan laughed, “It’s worse bro. I’d give up food for that pussy.”

Posey asked him, “Protection? Dude. She’s gonna get knocked up.”

Dylan shook his head knowing that could very well happen, “It’s just too good man. I don’t wanna stop for a fucking piece of rubber. I pull out most of the time.”

Tyler told him, “Fucking last month Alex had to take Plan B. I fucked up bro. Scary ass shit. Alex does this shit while I’m putting one on she’ll fucking tease me man.”

Dylan went silent, “Damn bro. You good now?” Tyler laughed and Dylan asked him, “You staying over?”

He stood up again, “You know it baby boy! Don’t forget her dad is gonna be her. Wear some clothes to bed.” They hugged each other and said I love you before Dylan came up stairs. He was more sober now and distracted. I had fallen asleep almost immediately when Dylan crawled into bed pulling me against him as we slept.

I woke up to a snoring Dylan who wasn’t completely naked like I was. I carefully got out of bed tying my see through robe around my body and starting the shower. Alex knocked softly before coming in, Dylan’s blanket was at his hips and his underwear lower.

She stood frozen before saying, “Damn! He ain’t some skinny geeky kid.” I laughed asking her what’s up and she asked for a razor because she didn’t have any. I started the shower, I need to not smell like alcohol or weed before we had parents over.

I turned to Alex, “Invite your mom.” Alex laughed, “She doesn’t care where I live or how for that matter. Your dad is my dad by default today.”

We both laughed. She left the door open because we weren’t the type to close doors even when we peed. I took a long hot shower, using hair masks and face masks.

My dad was the first to arrive and found Dylan looking naked when he wasn’t. He coughed loudly which didn’t wake him up so he shouted “Dylan!”

He jumped up terrified, sitting up asking my Dad, “Oh my god. What’s wrong?”

My dad calmly asked, “Where’s my daughter Dylan?”

Dylan rubbed his face trying to wake up and calm his heart back down, “Uh she’s gotta be in the shower.”

My dad waited, “Well get up. Tell her I’m having someone set up outside and I got Posey’s mom everything she needed. No shorts or half naked anything. There’s gonna be people in and out.” He turned around as Dylan got up, “Dylan don’t take offense but shower too okay?”

Dylan laughed as he came in the bathroom, “Hey you’re dad has people setting up Shit. And Posey’s mom is gonna be here. Your dad is outside.”

I stepped out of the shower naked watching Dylan react to my naked body moving past him. I wrapped a towel right around my body and stepped outside the door letting Dylan shower. My dad immediately said, “You okay meeting his mom? You two haven’t been dating long.”

I didn’t know how to feel or what to really expect, his mom was close to his ex and I’m the wild card. “I guess so. We’ll see.”

My dad whispered, “Please remember his family is from New Jersey and aren’t like people in LA. They’re much more refined.”

I was offended, “I’m always well behaved. Excuse me?” My dad responded, “You two are always all over each other. His mom won’t respond to that well.”

Dylan came out of the bathroom with a towel hanging low on his hips and one hand shaking through his hair. “Babe are my suitcases in the car still?”

My dad excused himself while we got dressed. Dylan was quieter then ever and I couldn’t tell if it was because his mom or Brody last night. He never asked me what happened.

I walked over to him and kissed his naked back, “Are you okay?” He stopped doing what he was and stood up, “Are we gonna talk about what happened last night?”

I sat down in front of him on the bed, “We just hashed it out. He’s known me forever he just felt betrayed, like I was his.”

Dylan snorted to himself, “His? Obviously you weren’t gonna be with him! He tried for years. He try anything?”

I kissed his tummy above his unbuttoned pants, “He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away.”

Dylan’s hands ran through my hair, “I wanna kill him. Fuck that guy.” We got ready and headed downstairs to be greeted by Posey’s mom cooking so much food.

Dylan’s mom finally arrived and pulled him into a big hug. I stood in the back next to Alex. Even Posey hugged Dylan’s mom. Dylan stepped next to me and said to his mom, “Mom, this is the girl I told you about. My new girlfriend.”

I pushed out my hand and offered my name. She was warm and kind but I could tell she wanted information on what happened with Dylan and Brittany instead of seeing me first. I waited for everyone to go sit at the table as I carried the wine knowing I’d need it.

Dylan spoke to his mom about his sister, family, being in Georgia and Teen Wolf starting again. That’s when my dad jumped in to praise his work ethic to his mom. His mom had a lot of questions besides Brit too. “This is a new house? This wasn’t the last one I saw you and Tyler in.”

Dylan touched my leg under the table trying to anchor me to the situation instead of being invisible, “This is my girl’s house. We had a welcome home party last night and decided to do this here instead because it was over really late.”

She suddenly turned to me, “Do you work on the show too? So young to own a home.”

I sipped my mimosa before answering, “No, I’m a full time student with honors. This was a property we owned but stopped living here after my mother died of cancer here.”

My dad looked at me like I could have left that part out instead of sounding morbid. She asked me simple things like my age, where I grew up and things along those lines.

Tyler excused himself to help his mom with dessert while Alex cleared the plates. It was only my dad, Dylan, his mom and I. They did it on purpose.

Now she was blunt, “I’m sorry to ask but I don’t know what happened with Britney. I didn’t expect to meet someone new in Dylan’s life.”

I was growing inpatient with her grilling me so I simply said, “Short version? She was cheating behind his back.” Dylan stepped in, “I met her on set while she visiting her dad before I found out Brit was cheating. It was like a movie, something clicked before anything even happened.”

His mom inquired, “How Long have you been dating? How far has the relationship gone?”

I looked at Dylan to answer, “Mom! Come on. I’m 22 now. It’s gone where you think it’s gone.”

She continued to grill us in my own house, “Were you both tested before you became active?”

“She was a virgin when we met.”

His mom asked to speak to him alone so my dad and I excused ourselves while they walked towards the pool area. My dad leaned in telling me, “I told you. She’s very small town, very structured and use to the image Brit gave off. Brit had less depth, desire, strength or she put on an act. Right now she’s telling him to be careful who he gets involved with because you have the gift of a trust fund. And she’s going to question how someone stays a 22 year old virgin in LA with a semi famous dad.”

I rolled my eyes, parents were awful except mine. Even Alex’s mom was an alcoholic after getting fired from a day time soap. She didn’t even notice Alex anymore. Brody’s parents were too busy rubbing elbows with the right people to remember they had a son instead of some trophy. And the worst? My dad use to be invisible until my mom died and I was his problem.

[dr-demi-bee]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @lastlight-inn! 🥰

When did you start writing?

TBH, that's hard to pin down! I was drawing clumsy comics with story lines as early as 4th grade (so like 9 or 10ish?) - and I've always had a thing for telling stories. I don't think I started earnestly writing until maybe 12. But I know for sure I was writing in middle school, and was well and truly into it in high school. There was a brief once-upon-a-time I thought about going that way for a career (but I also considered being an artist or musician ha).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

So, I find I often write a lot darker than I read. Broadly speaking, I read a lot of fantasy, sci-fi, and some non-fiction. But I write predominantly fantasy. I've dabbled in sci-fi, but I find it a lot harder (perhaps because I'm quite picky about science accuracy).

But thematically, I much prefer to read romances and lighter hearted drama. I think my writing might lean a bit darker than I typically consume (more focus on harsh/traumatic topics).

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Ahhh this is so hard to answer. I've not had anyone really compare my work to others (at least not by name). I don't try to copy anyone's style, but I definitely am influenced by many.

If I have to pick some - Oliver Sacks, Tolkien, and GRRM.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Well! I have several!

My main office is in an open loft in the second floor of my house - past the railings are large picture windows that look out into my woods and let in a lot of natural light. I've got an L shaped desk stocked with supplies/notebooks/snacks. It looks like the kind of organized chaos one expects with ADHD.

On the left hand is an easel for painting/drawing, and on the right hand is my dual monitor set up (slightly lofted). My space is covered in cute knickknacks and things my husband has made for me. He's a wood worker, so there's lots of cute little things - including a little ghost and a miniature zen garden. I also have an owl skull and spine. My keyboard/mouse/mat and wrist pads are all space themed, as is the desktop (not that you can ever see it.) Beside my desk is my behemoth, very colorful PC tower I built myself (named Eureka).

I also have a yoga laptop that doubles as my writing on the go platform and drawing tablet (named Epiphany). I'll take it downstairs to write on my armchair, or into one of the bedrooms for some more quiet and soft surfaces. And I also take it with me on trips. Had a nice period on vacation at the beach where I got to write in a rocking chair on the porch looking out at the ocean. Ahh... (take me back :sob:)

Very occasionally I will write on my phone. But this is mostly just for notes and short form RP sort of writing.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

So aside from becoming obsessed with something (e.g. media or my own imagined world) usually I get my ideas via listening to music or taking a shower.

Or, inevitably, whenever I'm doing something else that doesn't give me time to write. I wrote several chapters of my novel while writing my dissertation... procrasti-writing.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

On the positive side: found family, loving through pain, helping each other to heal, platonic love.

On the less positive side: the effects of trauma, the way danger and stress hurts our bodies and our minds. Fighting through adversity and oppression. Chronic pain/conditions.

I'm not super surprised by either of these, really - they're all a big part my scientific life too. Before I left clinical practice I primarily helped individuals recover from trauma and addiction - and that involved a lot of working on finding self worth. My research was all devoted to studying stress and cognition - and I tried to pioneer new work on intrusive cognitions. I think this probably comes out heavily in my writing for fun, too.

What is your reason for writing?

Fun, mostly. Catharsis. And a bit of dissociating, I suppose. I've always just kind of had the urge to spew stories out into the world, even if it's just for me. I also write to connect with others.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Ohhhh, any comment makes me incredibly happy. If someone says they like something specific I am over the moon. I'm especially thrilled to hear anyone connecting with or caring about my OC characters.

When another writer I really admire or respect gives me a comment or praise (like @alpydk or @sorceresssundries) my little heart feels ready to burst! Recently had the absolute delight of having friends read and react in real time to some of my work and gooood grief is that ever motivating. (@crimson-and-lavender and @lastlight-inn I'm looking at you lol)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want to be approachable and interesting as a person. I hope people want to read my work or even collab.

I want my writing to be novel, engaging, and exciting. I want to subvert their expectations, but also tell them a story that's approachable and will resonate with them.

Mostly I want my writing to make others feel (good).

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

The longer I've been writing things - honestly, I think it's patience. Being willing to change ideas, move them around, or even abandon them if need be. It took a long time to be okay with those things.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Oh, we have a love hate relationship. I know I can be a bit...verbose. But I also find my own writing pretty fun and interesting. I know I've done a pretty good job if I enjoy re-reading it.

Tagging some lovely mooots with affectionate no-pressure boops: @abysskeeper, @feedthepheasants, and an open tag for any other lovelies that want to!

[1moreff-creator]

DR:OS CH2 Part 2 First Impressions

You know what time it is! >:D I may have finished my analysis on CH1, but there'll still be much to write about CH2! So let's go in!

CWs

"Mark: It says the motive announcement is tomorrow morning." Great! We're screwed even faster than in CH1! xD

"Kennedy: This motive… it’s about death. We should be ready.

Aidan: Not this again…

Vanessa: Why do you think it’s about death…?

Ellis: Dude, don’t indulge them…" Even Ellis is done with Kennedy's shit by this point :p

"Ellis: Perhaps eleven of us will expire by the end of this very conversation. Kennedy will survive; Vivi, perhaps… it’s just a question of who else has the guts to stick it out ‘til the end.

I look around.

Ellis: Maybe Jeff will manage to absentee himself just in the nick of time.

Taylor: “Dude, don’t indulge them…”" This is just funny xD

"Vivi: Why don’t any of you ever listen to her?

Aidan: ‘Cause she’s wrong.

Vivi: You don’t know that! You always just assume! Like, you hear “Conspiracy Theorist” and just tune them out, but they’re an Ultimate Theorist! Are you really going to completely disregard that just… just because his talent has a stupid adjective on it?!" I told y'all! The reason Vivi respects Kennedy is because their talent also makes them look worse! Mad Duo my beloved.

"Vivi: But it’s not about the associations, it’s about Kennedy! You’ve talked to her!

Aidan: Pff. Yeah, and that’s why I don’t listen." Aidan just never misses, damn.

"Taylor: “You’re not seeing the big picture! See, the mastermind knows that I’ll solve all their puzzles, so they had to discredit me the second I even walked in the door! It’s so clear that you all aren’t thinking hard enough about it, because you aren’t ready to handle the truth, which I’m telling you!”” :O Taylor went kinda hard ngl.

"Is that the Paris influence, or something they cooked up all on their own? Whatever the case, I’m intrigued to see what happens next." You and me both, Ellis :p

[Harper FTE] Wee FTE time! And Harper's one of the characters we know the least about, so this is cool!

"Harper: Oh, hello Ellis. I’m not sure who this is for yet. I sort of just… started making it.

Ellis: Eh, makes enough sense. I know a lot of people like having something to do with their hands.

Harper: Yes, I tend to feel restless if I’m not doing anything." We are. Really driving this point home, huh?

"Ellis: Yeah, I’m used to people blowing up my phone too… Crazy to not have anybody knocking at my door. Any of my usual admirers, I mean." Sure babe.

"Harper: All of you are so interesting.

Ellis: Eh? Yeah, I get that a lot, when you get rid of the “all of.”

Harper: Everyone has such specific lives and interesting stories about them. It’s been nice getting to know you better." Yeah that's a nice way of putting "everyone here is insane."

"Ellis: You fancy yourself a storyteller at all?

Harper: I don’t consider myself one, but if there’s anything you’d like to know about, I’m willing to answer.

Ellis: Oh yeah? What’s your type?" I wonder how many times I'll write "Ellis never lets one go" before the end of this fangan :v

"Harper: Oh. I haven’t given it much thought.

Ve thinks for a moment.

Harper: Probably… someone sweet and thoughtful. I think that caring for the other person is the most important thing." Yeah that tracks :p

"Harper: What about yourself?

Ellis: Anyone.

The answer, it leaves my mouth before I can process in the slightest.

Ellis: Anyone… worthy of my time! You know, because they’re… interesting. And down for whatever. Like that." This also tracks, massively xD

"Harper: I’m sure your partners would speak highly of you."Harper: I’m sure your partners would speak highly of you.

Ellis: Yeah. Obviously.

I purse my lips.

Ellis: You too, if you’ve…

Harper: I haven’t.

I kinda guessed." How awkward can one conversation get? Lol. At leaast we get a bit more info on Harper!

"Man, I hope I didn’t embarrass myself in front of ver…

Ah, what am I saying? Ve literally admitted to me that ve hasn’t talked much to other people of ver status ver age. I’m setting the precedent! If anything, I’m sure I’m setting the standards too high." Remember that thing I said about Ellis going back and forth between faux overconfidence and insecurity? Yeah that.

"Davis: Oh, hey Ellis. Are you busy?

Ellis: For you? Uh… I could make time, if you need me for something.

Davis: It’s nothing important. I was just going to go on a walk. You can join, if you’d like." ? Very curious about this. Even if the color coding’s gonna be awful :p

"Davis: …Is it nice?

Ellis: Not as nice as you.

My hand moves to form a finger gun, but I choose to slap my hand to my face instead.

Ellis: Gah! Sorry. Uh, I guess it’s nice? People say that ignorance is bliss, don’t they?" I do really appreciate that Ellis is trying their best to back off from doing their pickup lines on Davis, it's sweet :)

"Davis: …Hi, Jeff.

Jeff raises an eyebrow at him.

Jeff: Everything good?

Davis: It’s fine.

I notice Davis speaking with a short tone. Does Jeff… bother him?

Ellis: Y’know what might make us better? Bar snacks!" Okay Davis was confusing me before but now I genuinely have no clue what's happening anymore. I am very, very intrigued. Also good on Ellis trying to make things less awkward ig.

"Davis: …Is this really the best use of our time…?

Jeff: Nothing wrong with enjoying what we have, right? The others would want us to be happy or whatever." Is that what's bothering Davis? Jeff's nonchalance? But he didn't seem to have this issue with Ellis, who presents herself like that too, so... I don't know :v

"Davis: …Somewhere else. I wouldn’t want to… intrude…

Jeff: Nah, stay a while. What’s the harm?

Davis: …

He looks to Jeff, then to me, seeming a bit uncomfortable." Wait does he think Ellis and Jeff are flirting, because of the sunglasses and finger guns thing I kinda skipped over here? Is that what's happening? I can't think of anything else, so.

"Jeff: Everything’s chill. Honestly, life’s pretty good. It’s normal, right? Get what I can from the place before skipping out." Funny you use that word, "normal." I've talked about how a point that seems to be getting made is how different that concept is for everyone, and this seems to be furthering that theme, which is cool :)

"Ellis: Wait, are you planning to escape?

Jeff: …Someday, yeah, obviously? Like, at some point, one or more of us is gonna get out of here, and I’d like it to be me.

Davis: Even if you’re the only one?

Jeff: I mean… yeah? Everyone’s in it for themself. If everyone else goes and dies off, that’s not on me.

Too bad you’re not the lucky student, hot stuff." So we've decided we wanted even more parallels to Ellis' mindset, huh? Though if I understand the creation process correctly, this is more or less a coincidence, which is crazy. Point stands, though.

"Davis: Don’t you worry about them at all? Could you still see it as a good thing, if everyone else has to die for you?

Jeff: Sure. I’m in it for me, no matter where I am.

Davis: Don’t you think that’s selfish?

Jeff: I mean, yeah. But who cares? I’d expect everyone else to be acting in their own best interest all the time, too.

Davis: But… you’ve probably hurt people, haven’t you? The people you leave behind all the time… wouldn’t they miss you?

Jeff: Do I care?" Okay circle back, Davis doesn't think Jeff and Ellis are flirting. It's just that Ultimate Absentee is apparently a talent he really doesn't like, ig. Wonder if it ties into his Bachelor status in any way.

"Davis: Are you really just… going to ditch this conversation, too…?" Classic Jeff move xD

"Jeff: Geez, what’s his deal…?

Ellis: I guess he’s one of those “traumatized by murder” types.

Jeff: Ah. Sucks to be him, I guess." Bro???

"I excuse myself sooner than I’d like, though– for some reason, I’m feeling slightly nauseous. Must be the water." Uh... there's not already some kind of murder plan being set up, right? Ellis felt nauseous because of the conversation and is just doing his bravado thing when he says it's the water, right? Right?

"Unfortunately, tonight I find myself next to Vivi and Kennedy. At least Mark’s here." Speaking of murder, I'm getting really worried about the amount of screen time the Mad Duo is getting this chapter already. Surely, they wouldn't die yet, right? Right? x2

"Kennedy: Motive theories. Go." Hysterical. I love him xD

"Vivi: But, you don’t mean, like, death-death, right? Like, in a way we can’t still fix…? I wouldn’t just let someone die like that.

Ellis: Um… and what exactly does that mean?

Vivi: If someone’s still alive, I can save them, no matter what." I wonder if that idea will ever come into play.

"Kennedy: No, they’re onto something here! It wouldn’t just be them… Maybe, over the course of the game, different motives will only affect different people…" Why are we doing discussing this, anyways? Watch Kennedy be right about this lol.

[Motive Theory Discussion] There are some pretty good points being brought up here. I wonder if these characters did sign up for it. Knowing what we know about the Tragedy, it'd kinda make sense for followers of Junko to do some shit like that. But that's only a possibility. Who knows!

"Kennedy: True. But for now… You’re good at this, huh?

Mark: Me?

Kennedy: I’ve gotta get you up to speed. Together, the two of us could really figure out some big mysteries of this place." Get in loser we're going theorizing xD

Also what do you mean "two of us." Kennedy don't leave out Vivi like that >:p

Should I be worried that Mark is getting dragged into this sorta like Cass was, given Cass was the CH1 victim? Nah, surely not.

"Vivi: Still. [Kennedy's theories] all lead somewhere.

Ellis: Sure.

That “somewhere” is more like the middle of a mental desert with no gas, cash, or cell signal, but you can’t deny the journey." Lol.

"We’re really in the rat race now, aren’t we? While everyone chases after victory, morality, chill vibes, whatever, we’re all just becoming smaller creatures with pointier teeth, scrambling around the halls for nothing. I keep getting distracted by those damn pieces of cheese.

First, Harper diverts my attention with that colorful quilt and tries to lure me into ~emotional vulnerability~. Then, I bring Davis to the Pool, and he gets mad at Jeff and I for expressing our real emotions! And then there’s Kennedy, the wildest rat of all, chomping at the bit to try to outpace the scientists that have trapped us all. Good luck with that, Chuck E Cheese." Feeling poetic, are we? Pretty cool analogy though :)

"Monoquin: Greetings, contestants. Please enter the Movie Theater." Woo! Motive time! Everything's about to get worse! :D

"Right… just a few days ago, I was sitting here with both Vanessa and Antonia." Ouch.

"The screen displays what looks like a roulette wheel, but instead of the numbers, our faces sit at the ends of each of the fourteen slices." Oh hey it's the thing from the announcement poster! Minus Monoquin plus Ellis, presumably. Didn't think that would come up, but cool!

"It goes around, and around, and then, the screen goes black.

There’s a thud as something falls from a panel in the ceiling.

Ellis: Woah!

I instinctively lean away from where the object crashes down. No. No. No. This isn’t another of those crazy murder boxes, is it?" Alright I'm scared, what's happening.

"Grace: Justin? JUSTIN?!

Ellis: Wait, it actually IS another crazy body arrival?!

Noah: What?! Wait, no, that can’t…

Mark: This… this is the motive?

Monoquin: Yes. In the simplest of terms, this is the “Loved One’s Roulette.” Each day, at this same time, everyone will gather in the Movie Theater, and a randomly selected contestant will lose a loved one– whoever it would trouble them most to lose." ...Well there goes the Grace!MM theory! Sort of. And also Justin! Goddamn!

This is a pretty cool motive! THH just left the fate of the loved ones vague (and from UDG we know they weren't straight up dead), but this takes that and spins it! Now you don't know who the loved one is, but you know they're gonna die if you're unlucky! Adding that sort of random time limit is crazy, I love it.

Wait- Oh shit Kennedy was right! It did have to do with death! Crazy! Alright so now we know what the deal with the Show Room is, at least, which is neat.

Not only that, but it also only affects certain people! Mark, for example, wouldn't be affected because they don't remember any loved ones. I wonder if that really means there's only eleven loved ones in danger here, with five participants who don't have any loved ones to threaten them with. Antonia and Cass are probably two (not because they don't have loved ones, but because they're already dead), Mark's another, I'm betting Jeff is the fourth, and the fifth is Aidan maybe? Not so sure on those last two. That's kinda what makes the most sense to me right now, I wonder if they'll confirm or deny it.

Another point, sorta unrelated but still about the motive. Monoquin claims the loved one lost will be "whoever it would trouble [the participant] most to lose." Grace lost Justin, not their parents, which we know they have. Curious.

Also for some guesses as to which loved ones each person would lose:

Vanessa: Sister, confirmed to exist via Q&A.

Antonia: Sister (N/A since she's dead).

Paris: A friend? I don't think she's ever mentioned family.

Vivi: Family member, she's mentioned them a bunch.

Ellis: Step-siblings? Though the wheel probably won't land on them due to Luck.

Grace: Justin (obviously confirmed).

Noah: I would say sisters, but given his conversation with Vivi earlier, maybe it would be a friend.

Jeff, Aidan, Mark: N/A.

Taylor, Davis, Kennedy, Cass, Harper: No idea. (Cass is N/A anyways due to death).

Alright that was fun let's actually keep reading now :p

"They literally showcased this motive as a form of gambling. I’m the lucky one, and I’m great at gambling!" The point I made, yeah.

"This stupid wheel will never be able to lay its hands on my…

My…

…who?" Okay hold on maybe replace Aidan with Ellis in the N/A section lol. Does she really not have anyone, or does she just not know who it would be out of everyone she knows?

"Kennedy: Told you so.

Vivi: Kennedy!" I concur with Vivi, Kennedy this is kinda insensitive xD

"Aidan: Not the time for this, Rey." Yeah that.

"Grace: This isn’t fair! I… I should have had a chance, just like everyone else!

Monoquin: My apologies, Mx. Thomas, but it was random chance.

Taylor: Grace…?

Jeff: …You’d have done it, huh?

Ellis: Hey, hey, we don’t know that’s the “chance” that Grace was talking about. Maybe they just meant, y’know, a chance to process and… come to terms with it.

Who would it be?

Grace: I meant what I said. So what? It’s trading our lives for the lives of those we care about. Is it so criminal if the total number of lives lost would be the same thing?" Holy shit Grace was fucking ready. And you know they don't waste no time! If they hadn't gotten picked, come the next morning, there probably would have been a body to discover, and not from the roulette. Crazy. I wonder if Ellis' luck came into play there, to keep people alive for a bit longer by making the motive inapplicable to the one that hates wasting time.

Also yeah Ellis just straight up doesn't know who his loved one is, crazy.

"Vivi: …I can try to save him.

Harper: How…?

Vivi: I’ve never tried before, but it's possible… I don’t know how recently he died or anything, but… people’s hearts can stop and they can still be brought back, right? People can be temporarily “dead.” It’s possible…" Oh hey it did come up! Crazy timing ig.

"Grace: Absolutely not.

Vivi: Why not? If you care about him so much, isn’t it worth trying? Isn’t it our responsibility to do whatever we can to help these people?

Grace: And what would you do to him? If you fail, would his body still be intact? Would I even be able to recognize his face?

Vivi: H-hey!

Davis: This… isn’t really helping…

Vivi: So you’d kill for this guy, but now that he’s dead, you won’t even let me try to bring him back?!

Grace: Leave him alone!" Holy hell tensions are getting high, goddamn.

"Paris: Hey, you two, take a sec, deep breaths, chill, all that. Yelling isn’t gonna bring back the dead, y’know~?" This is not the time for a tilde (~), Paris! How are you still so unbothered by all this?! What?!

"I don’t have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or… anyone…" Huh.

"Grace: No." Don't worry Vivi someone will let you do science here one day, I promise. You couldn't at the talent show and you couldn't now, but I trust.

"Davis: This… you said this was every day?

Monoquin: Until someone commits a murder, yes.

Taylor: That’s… such a cruel motive.

Aidan: …Get used to it, I guess." First Davis line not to work perfectly with Davis!MM btw, but also Aidan is as insane as ever lol.

"Would my family still care about me, after I left home? I don’t check back in often. I mostly just hang out with an entourage now– My… friends…?" Well, there's... some people it could be, maybe Aidan really is the fifth "N/A". Assuming that's what the graves mean, anyways.

[Noah FTE] Well time to move on from the most horrific shit ever! Hurray!

"Ellis: Yeah, the people here are a little different than your typical frat. Like, can you imagine Taylor in a frat? Paris???" That would be an image, for sure.

"Noah: Yeah, that’d be wild. You’d fit in pretty well, but I take it you don’t go to college.

Ellis: Pfft. ‘Course not. I don’t need that when I’ve already got fabulous wealth and great looks.

Noah: Makes sense." Just in case anyone was wondering, lol.

"Ellis: What do they teach you in those fancy college English classes?

Noah: I don’t really pay attention to most of them.

Ellis: Ayy, up top!" No respect for the classics smh.

"I shiver as I think of Robert on the dance floor." Truly, a horrifying image.

"Ellis: And, what about you? I assume you must’ve started partying at college, if not before.

I hope he doesn’t realize that I didn’t mention a “before.”" Yeah, for all we know about Ellis, we know surprisingly little of his earlier years.

"Noah: Like ten or something. I went to the same college as my dad, and he’s, like, super big on our frat. He donates all the time and helps run events and stuff, so I pretty much grew up there. 

Ellis: They let a ten year old into a college party?

Noah: Just me. It wasn’t, like, a usual thing." ???? Bro??? I mean neat backstory but what in the actual hell???

"Noah: As long as people get to where they need to be, it doesn’t matter too much how long it takes, right?

Ellis: Ah. You’re one of those “destination over journey” types.

Noah: It’s not like life ends at the destination, right? You’re just moving on to a new part." Neat perspective!

"Ellis: Hey, Mark. Uh, Vivi…? What are you doing…?

Vivi: Trying to find a way to raise the dead." Yeah this is a normal topic of conversation xD

"Vivi: I’m not going to try to resurrect Justin without Grace’s consent or anything! I’m just… seeing what theories I might have, in case someone consenting does show up." Good! I was worried at the start of this scene that something really fucked was going on.

"I look at Mark in a way that says, “please don’t tell me you’ve joined them, Mark.”

Mark: I figured it’d be good for someone to keep her company. There’s a lot they’re trying to do." Mad Duo turning into Theory Trio let's go!!! (I'm joking I don't really think Mark's that insane yet).

"Ellis: We really don’t need to add a zombie apocalypse on top of everything else." That would be a hell of a plot point though xD

"Vivi: I mean, you can’t guarantee if a corpse gives consent to it, but that’s why there are powers of attorney and stuff, right? It’s not like this never happens in the real world. Loved ones can consent for those who are unable to." Ah, the ethical ramifications of attempting to raise the dead, lol.

"Vivi: At least one person cares about their loved one enough to try to save them. I guarantee it." I mean, yeah. Vivi themself would probably try this on their loved one, right?

"Vivi: …I mean, hopefully I’ll get some test runs in. I ordered some mice from the Customer Service Desk…" Of course you did. Goddamn, they really weren't kidding when they said the doctor was Mad, huh?

"Noah: …She’ll be fine, right? She’s not going to do anything completely unreasonable…" I am very worried about whatever's about to happen.

"Then again, it is kinda messed up. It’s like using someone as an organ donor when they didn’t check that box on their driver’s license." The ethics of the situation are all kinda fucked, yeah.

"Whatever. Whatever. It’s just me. I’m not the one who needs to be making decisions like these. Coast until the lucky end– that was my strategy from the start, and it’ll be my strategy until the end." Classic Ellis, really.

"Noah: Hey, uh… good food at the buffet today, right?

Noah nudges Vanessa gently.

Vanessa: Yeah, it’s nice, I guess." I like how Noah's trying to cheer Ness up, it's sweet :)

"Aidan: …Hey. Who do you think your people are?

Vanessa: Uh… I mean, my sister, probably…" Yeah... ouch...

"Noah: …It’s gotta be my dad. I’ve… sort of accepted it, if it has to happen." I kinda forgot about his dad earlier in this post oops. But yeah, this tracks with the FTE.

"Ellis: Well, uh… I care about all of them equally! So, still no leads." Sure babe.

"Aidan: Eleven graves, fourteen contestants. Three people don’t have anyone in the rotation." Oh so suddenly theorizing about the motive based on the Show Room is okay, huh? Funny how that workds xD

"Aidan: It’s gotta be, right? I assume one is Mark, because they wouldn’t recognize anyone who turned up for them. Then there’s me, and one more.

Vanessa: You don’t care about anyone…?

Aidan: I mean, who would it be? It’s not like I’ve consistently spent time with anyone recently, or ever. Hell, in the last year, I've probably had the most conversations with Davis ‘cause he keeps coming to me." Seems he and I arrived at the same conclusion about Mark, so the question is whether the last one is Jeff or Ellis (or someone else but I find the others a bit more unlikely). Also, I wasn't imagining it, Davis is sticking close to Aidan, cool!

"Aidan: Do you remember what Grace said earlier today? About the whole trading equal numbers of lives thing? It’s not one to one. Not if you try to actually win as the blackened.

Ellis: Well yeah, if you assume that each of us only has one person on standby. As far as we know, there’s nothing to stop Grace from being rolled again.

Aidan: Nah, I asked Monoquin. One slot per person. If we get through all fourteen days, the motive’s over, and we get a new one." I mean, the whole "one to one" thing really wouldn't last if a few more deaths happened before someone actually murdered, so. But cool to know that there's only one per person!

"Vanessa: If no one you care about is at stake, why do you even care so much…? 

He shrugs.

Aidan: I figured other people did." Right, Aidan acts on what he thinks other people care about, since he doesn't give a shit about anything, generally speaking.

"Ellis: Do you think… the mastermind has someone on the line? Or do you think they’re one of those three slots? [...]

Noah: I mean, couldn’t the mastermind, like… lie? They could have the randomizer rigged, or turn up some random body and be like, “oh no, my person!” We don’t actually know who anyone’s people are, let alone what they look like. 

Vanessa: If it’s like that, then do you think the mastermind would bother with all that…?

Aidan: It’s probably less suspicious that way, right?" Oh hey, maybe Grace!MM is back on, actually. Would make sense if they didn't want to risk Vivi actually raising the dead only for the corpse to reveal that he's not Justin actually xD I don't think that's what's happening, but y'know. Where is Kennedy when you need him?

"Aidan: Me, Mark, and one more. Probably Ellis or Jeff.

Ellis: Wh–hey! I just told you who my people were!

Aidan: Not really." Lmao. Also yeah Aidan and me are on, like, the exact same wavelength here.

"Super Vivi is here to save the day, defy god, and reverse the biological process that’s ruled the Earth since its creation! I’m sure a 20-something in a crop top with a scalpel dangling from her ear is perfectly equipped to handle that. Honestly, how do they delude themself so badly…?" Ellis just can't handle a death defying bitch, huh?

"But, what if? Luck can only carry someone so far. I can be delayed as far to the back as I please, but if no one kills for fourteen days, there’s no running or hiding from seeing my result, whatever it may bring. Does that just mean that somebody will kill before my sliver has the chance to yield results?

Who am I kidding? We’ve had two contestants die before there was even a motive announced. Somebody’s definitely going to snap if there are actual other lives on the line. There just might be a few more bodies than anticipated standing in the way between me and my freedom." Yeah, no chance it actually goes through all 14 lol. That said, I am very curious to see who'll be next.

-

Wow, what a chapter! Motive's getting announced pretty quickly, all things considered, but it makes sense with what the motive is. And it's a hell of a motive! I like it a lot! As always, excited to move forward, this chapter's looking even better than the last one! I'm just worried about how much we seem to be lining up for Vivi to die this chapter, but let's hope I'm just imagining things xD Thanks for reading, see ya'!