#am i still obsessed with these two just from edits and fics? absolutely

[wonryllis]

candy, you're like a drug (m) | sim jaeyun.

PREVIEW. where jake teaches you how to blow him behind the bleachers just before his soccer practice, unable to resist the charm of you in a cheerleader outfit. well it's not like he has to resist you anymore, you are finally officially his girl.

FEATURING. simp sim jaeyun(jake) with his obsession fem!reader(candy) from WATERMELON SUGAR . . this can absolutely be read as a standalone but i would still suggest giving the full fic a read, if you like this.

WORD COUNT. 3140 edited but don't come at me.

WARNINGS. SMUT MDNI!!!!! blowjob obviously, face fucking, dacryphilia, corruption kink, handjob, reader's a crybaby kinda, pussy rubbing but brief, mentions of eating pussy, voyeurism slightly, jake's mind is literally a museum of dirty thoughts about you. he's way too obsessed with you, he swears a lot and cums a lot, hand in hand. jake is real sweet trust. psst! sunghoon thrid wheeling oh. and that's all i think? idk if it's good i hope y'all like it!

★ YEONIE NOTES. this took so long im sorry guys, pls enjoy and leave comments and feedback i'd love to know your thoughts and yes im still open to doing more drabbles for them!

cheerleader… not a bad idea, you could definitely make use of it

“oh my god candy, you're gonna be the death of me!” jake pulls you away, dragging you to the back of the bleachers, his cock already rock hard and throbbing with need.

“don't you like it? i thought cheerleaders dressed like this,” you pout at him, fiddling with the ends of the literally shortest skirt of your closet.

“i love it baby, but you can't just show up to practice like that, how am i gonna be able to concentrate when all i can think of is fucking you,” he groans scanning over your figure again and again, it's like you brought out a hidden desire he didn't even know he had. he'd win every game for you if you were to cheer by the stands like this, the adrenaline of getting to ruin your perfect outfit and your perfect makeup after, putting him on a winning streak.

“teach me to suck you off,” jake loses his mind when you get down on your knees, pushing your hair out of the way and looking up at him through your lashes, doe eyes driving him crazy.

“shit baby, i will,” oh he's so going to corrupt you.

. .

“you okay baby? do your knees hurt too much?” he asks once it settles in that you are doing this here and right now. heart pounding against his ribs so hard, he feels it ringing in his ears. his eyes cast down to the place your knees meet the rough ground and he internally grimaces and scolds himself for letting your soft skin scrap against dirt like this.

“let me just put this down f’ you,” taking off his varsity jacket immediately, he spreads two fold on the ground, pressing his hands on it to make sure it's cushioned enough for you. being glad of the fact that he hadn't taken the jacket off for the practice before you came to give him the surprise.

you smile sweetly at his actions, moving onto the jacket and letting your knees rub against the same cloth you watched him wash just yesterday. his precious jacket that he always took extra care of.

“so? how do i do it?” jake’s eyes quiver, orbs darkening as the lust takes over. blood rushing down quick at the dirty insinuation behind the innocent words that leave your mouth. drunk on the way you already seem so into it.

“take it out first,” he tries not to falter and just moan his heart out when you already jump at pulling his pants and boxers down before he's even finished speaking. holding his breath while he watches you watch his cock slap against his lower abs and then reach out to gently grasp it. mouth instinctively slacking open when he twitches in your grip and slowly bringing him close. a wet smooch at the tip that makes his whole body shudder and release a thick glob of precum, confusing you if he just came, your eyes instantly shooting up to look at him to which he just nods his head telling you to go on. put it in your mouth. his gaze speaks, air dense with anticipation.

“go on baby⁠— fuckkkkk oh god,” fuck fuck fuck, it feels way too good, cock laying heavy against your hot tongue, the softness of your mouth inside feeling like a tight pouch of warmth engulfing him in the most pleasurable way possible.

“just s-suck on it like your lollies,” jake groans, uttering the words through his clenched teeth. just a minute into you trying to give him head and he already feels like busting a nut. god how long has he dreamt of this exact moment and how many times. how many dreadful nights of fisting his cock imagining it was your tiny warm mouth around him, sucking him hard and sloppy like you do with those watermelon lollipops all the damn time in front of him. those torturing times, oh he can't believe he survived it to actually know what it feels like to be inside your mouth.

his hair sticks to his forehead, feeling the sweat drip as he breathed hard with every experimental suck. hands reaching down to push the strands of hair that fall forwards away from your face. thumb caressing your the skin under your eyes as you look up and into his brown orbs. holding eye contact with a dazed doe look that drives him crazy. the touch of your small hands stroking what you can't seemingly fit inside, lips always coming back to suck on his tip, like slurping dripping candy. he felt crazed, insane, and lunatic for still craving so much more of you.

“yeah fuck candy, just like that,” he pants, head tilting back as he gasps for air, everything around him tuning out at the realization of having you on your knees for him.

“shit!” the sudden feeling of you gagging around him after trying to take him all in makes jake jerk forward in a shudder.

it doesn't take him another second to decide that, that's it. he can't control himself anymore and absolutely needs to fuck your mouth, push so deep into your throat it leaves the imprints of his cock and make you so cock drunk all you ever think about when you gulp is him him and just him.

“push my thighs if gets too much—” one of his hands thread into your hair in a makeshift half pony to hold your head firmly and the other squeezing below his tip hard to hold himself from nutting before he gets to the real thing, wanting to drag this out even though he knows sooner or later someone will come searching for him, noticing the quaterback’s absence the moment one pays a tad bit of attention.

jake has never been the one to skip practice and especially not for something indecent like this. being late is not in his veins and keeping his varsity duffle bag at the stark front of the bleachers; his all time habit, always eager to make his presence and determination known. so the fact that he can't be spotted anywhere in the field with his bag resting exactly where it is every time, is more than enough of a reason to have the whole team searching around for him. however, in all honesty, you being an exception to all of jake's rules(as it has always been) all he hopes for is not being caught no matter how much the thought of it arouses him. he can't let people see this pretty you. wanting to gatekeep you to the very last bits. hence, this blowjob is way more important, and practice and his team can just wait a few extra minutes.

he starts off slow at first, thrusting careful and steady, to let you adjust to it. ten, nine, eleven, eleven, trying to count sheep in his head not to lose his cool too quick. shit shit shit, it's okay, it's all good.

it works for a while, even if his counting is fucked over like him, it works for a short fleeting while. maybe a minute or two or three, he has no idea but it's too brief of a time to be called as holding back.

he takes one look at you. just one look, at the way you already seem to be struggling, drooling all around him with your doe eyes all wide and teary, a few drops slipping out with each thrust of him. you are a crybaby for sure and maybe it would've annoyed him if it were someone else but come on it's you. he already imagined you to be a crybaby and god did it turn him on beyond expectation, though he didn't think you'd actually be one, and he definitely never thought he'd love it so so much when you cried for him. eyelashes wet and batting at him, doing whatever it takes to keep your eyes open and trained on him.

if he knew it was because the first time you fucked, he asked you to keep your eyes on him and you thought he liked it when you did it, hence forcing your hooded eyes to stay on him right now.. jake would lose his mind into the depths of hell and into the sins of lust.

the whimper you let out when his cock hits the back of your throat makes him buck his hips forward once, and at realization of how you're struggling and yet not pushing him away because you want it just as much as him, his grip on your head tightens before he starts thrusting frantically like a madman. albeit, at the back of his subconscious he's still holding back, knowing you're not yet ready to handle his true lost self.

“i swear, you're trying to kill me,” his voice strains with the amount of moans and groans he held back all time to make sure people don't find him.

back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. jake's hips fall into a rhythm of their own as he swears out all the curses known to mankind at the back of his mind. feeling so good, it makes him question if all the sex he had until you was actually some real sex or just some otome simulation he played.

there's no way something as simple as this and something where he has to be sane enough to hold his demons in check could feel so damn ecstatic.

his eyes shut tight at the feeling of his orgasm creeping in quick. not wanting to overwhelm you by coming deep inside your throat, yet not being able to stop the frenzied thrusts: desperate and erratic. fucking you had him fighting demons but having your mouth on him also has him fight demons, though a level lower, but feeling like his life would be sucked out of him.

and if there's anyone who he'd actually let sucking his life out of him, it'd be you. one whine of his name and he'll fold to give you his cock anytime and anywhere.

“fuck candy, ‘m so close,” jake's strokes falter into sloppy movements when you suck in your lips to squeeze him tighter showing no signs of pushing at his thighs and just letting him hold your head in place and use you as he pleases.

just as he feels the first twinge of coming undone, jake quite literally forces himself out, gritting his teeth and holding his breath as he pulls away mumbling out a rough fuck while staggering in his steps.

“jerk me off, wanna finish on your face, wan to paint your pretty little cheeks and your cute little tongue with my cum,” he mutters, guiding one of your hands to his cock as one of his own moves to hold your jaw and squeeze your cheeks to keep your mouth open. thumb rubbing against your lower lips while he bites his own at your hands returning to stroke him like you did before. brows furrowing and heart thumping loud as his orgasm builds up again.

he's gonna cum so much and jake knows because it starts to hurt. and like the masochist he is, he heightens it by bringing his other hand to hold his cock over your small slick ones,”twist it like this under the head,” he says squeezing and moving his hands in twists to show you just how he likes it. and lord do you get it so well, twisting harshly just under the head like he said and then pulling at it. it's honestly a mysery to jake how he's lasted this long and not just cum in the first two minutes of you touching him. perhaps his experience comes to some use, but then even his experience can't help him from nutting in just merely twenty minutes. the time he so struggled to calculate just a couple seconds before he lets the pleasure take over and the hot spurts of cum shoot out on your tongue and all over your face.

“mhmmm fuck baby fuckkkk—” jake hisses, biting down on his lips hard as his whole body spasms with pleasure, ropes of cum spilling out the tip, pushing his hips in quick thrusts into your fist.

and even though jake has perhaps sworn a million times that he's not a voyeur, that he does not feel his entire being ascending into the holy sins at the prospect of being watched with you, especially anyone besides him, watching you, he swears he has sworn on it a good damn gazallion times. yet when he spots a boggled and overwhelmed sunghoon, gaping and gawking in the corner, the intrigue and hunger in his obscure gaze evident along with his obvious boner; jake feels a second orgasm coaxed out of him in another spurt of cum that lands directly on that spot on your lips he loves to rub his fingers over.

fuck. that's all jake can think of watching sunghoon realize he was caught and immediately rushing off. since when was that prick watching? he better not have gotten a look at your teary eyes and heard the little whines you let out.

he doesn't let it bother him too long though, he'll deal with it when he gets back to the field.

what he now wants to focus on is you and only you.

running his thumb over the splashes of cum and smearing them on your lips, inserting his fingers into your mouth and telling you to suck before he's pulling you up by your waist and holding you tight against him. his cock rubs against the fabric of your skirt, twitching with sensitivity at the touch but he pays it no mind. his own lips hovering over yours as he speaks in a whisper,”are you okay? did i hurt you somewhere?”

you shake your head in denial and jake heaves a sigh of relief, proceeding to tame your hair back to how it was before. palms caressing your head softly, and fingers threading through the strands all gentle and slow. not wanting this moment with you to end. his lips lock with yours in the midst of it as his hands fall down to your waist again. kissing with so much fervor and desperation, it makes you rub your thighs together to get some kind of a friction. and jake notices it for his hand had moved to play with the ends of your short skirt, knuckles loosely brushing against the back of your thighs that fidgeted every time he sucked on your tongue or nibbled on your lips.

“oh, my baby seems bothered,” pulling away to whisper it against your lips that chase his own for more.

“what do you want? tell me and i’ll give it to you,” jake grins, watching you struggle out of embarrassment,”come on candy, use your words,” it's so cute, should he just touch you or should he take his time cooing at your fumbling self.

“w- want yo—”

“well since you aren't gonna say it,” he picks up his jacket from the ground and brings it up to your face to wipe off his cum from your cheeks. pushing against the plump of your skin to make your lips pout out and one of your eyes close.

“want you to touch me too,” you whine.

“where baby? you gotta tell me,” he teased further, booping your nose before putting his jacket back on him.

“here,” jake’s breath hitches when you guide his hand down to touch you over your panties, the fabric so damn wet you might as well have cum untouched. the prospect of that being true turns him on beyond what's humanely possible. you cumming untouched while he fucked your mouth, god the thought of it makes him crazy. but thinking back on how sunghoon wandered in, it's better to leave it at this for now. can't have more people getting the opportunity to see you.

“here? my baby wants me to touch her pussy?” there's so much more he wants to say, but he knows if he says it now there's no way he won't be getting rock hard again and completely ditching practice.

his fingers press hard into your folds while he rubs around, his other hand squeezing your ass and his face buried in your neck, inhaling the scent of your shampoo as he bites and nibbles on the skin there.

“i’m sorry candy, but you'll have to wait until after practice. want to take my time eating you out. want to make you cum at least three times,” and make you squirt, he wants to add but man does the thought of it make his dick twitch, speaking it out loud would just make him squirt a pump of cum.

he slips his fingers inside to gather your wetness, sliding two fingers between your folds before taking it out and putting them into his mouth,"fuck, love the way you taste,”he groans. his favorite candy in the world. his drug, candy.

jake spends another minute rubbing you over your slick panties and letting his other hand on your ass move all over and grope you wherever he can. he makes sure it's just enough to have you craving his touch the entire time you wait. feeling jealous over the thought that having you wait for him by the bleachers would give sunghoon a view of you too. and knowing his friend, he probably won't have any innocent thoughts about you after what he walked into.

“come on now let's go,” it takes a great deal of self constraint for jake to pull away but alas it will only be fruitful once he gets through practice and has all the time in the world to pleasure you.

he helps you fix your appearance and dusts off his jacket and pulls up his pants before he leads you back out into the field where everyone waited for him.

“wait for me here,” he says, bringing you to his bag where he takes off his ‘thisisneverthat’ shirt to put on his jersey with a smug grin lacing his lips. placing his jacket on your lap to cover your pretty legs, if he could he would just burrito you with a blanket and th— no sim that's creepy.

“I'll be back before you know it,” bending down to place a chaste kiss on lips and forehead, he promises. jogging away to the middle of the field and taking his position beside sunghoon. it feels like there's a spark of tension between them from what you catch, but perhaps you're just thinking too much, they're good friends aren't they?

TAGLIST. @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @jaklvbub @kwiwin @brachives @jayhoonvroom @haelahoops @aaa-sia @lovingvoidgoatee @txtlyn @jakehooni @mnxnii @rikisly @notevenheretbh1 @yunjinsbbg @pjsfvs @yizhoutv @enhyven @capri-cuntz @heeseungsbabyy @aishigrey @wooziswife @citylightsdoll @yeonzzzn @istphanie @chaewonshoney @cha0thicpisces @laurradoesloveu @bambammtori @wonsbaer @ayyysweetcreature

[thecheshireprincess]

Peek Inside My WIP Folder 👀

UPDATED 4/24/2025

i asked you guys to send me requests, and you absolutely delivered ✨️ i am so honored to write these stories for you - thank you for trusting me to do so 🥹

as always, if you don't see something here that you're looking for, please send an ask 🫶🏻 i'm still taking requests; it may take a little bit of time, but i would love to make some fanfic magic for you ✨️❤️

i have listed them in their categories by which is most likely to be finished/published first, but we all know i don't write in order so i do a lot of jumping around as inspiration strikes ✨️ ALSO i didn't tag the people who requested these in case they didn't want people to know 🤣 i think i have covered everyone though 🫶🏻

💕 - Fluff

💔 - Angst/Hurt

🔥 - Smut

✨️ - Part of a series or collection

Also, my regular titles will always be in white, smut fics will have titles in red

Completed, but Unpublished (Final Editing) ♤

Finality (Kyuma x F!Reader) 🔥💔 - Need I say more?

You Can Take It (Chishiya x F!Reader) 🔥 - Being a doctor is hard work, only you can make it better. Requested

The Game Itself Chapter VIII 💕✨️

House of Mirrors (Chishiya x F!Reader) 🔥- You find yourself stuck in a funhouse with Chishiya during a game; why not make use of the mirrors? Requested

The Beginning (Niragi x F!Reader) 💕✨️ - How you changed the trajectory of Niragi's life with just one look -> part of the One Look Collection

I Warned You (Chishiya x Pregnant!Reader)🔥💕- Part two to I Changed My Mind

Princess of Diamonds Part II 💕✨️

Can You Keep A Secret? (Chishiya x F!Reader) 💕✨️- Three times Niragi asked Chishiya to hide something from you, and the one time Chishiya asks Niragi to keep a secret for him -> A The Game Itself one-shot

What Really Matters (Hatter x Reader x Aguni) 💔💕🔥 - Hatter has gone off the deep end with running The Beach; you and Aguni try to remind him of what really matters

In Editing ♡

Seeing Double (Niragi x F!Reader) 💕💔✨️ - You are the twin sister of a certain manipulative blonde; you seem sweet, but will Niragi get more than he's bargained for when he hits on you? Requested; will probably be a multi-part series

Tale As Old As Time (Chishiya x F!Reader x Niragi) 💕💔✨️- Disney x AiB AU Crossover premiere

Show Us (Chishiya x F!Reader x Niragi) 🔥- A continuation of Cat and Mouse

Feel You (Chishiya x F!Reader) 💔🔥 - After a nightmarish game night, Chishiya just wants to feel that you're still with him

I Hate That I'll Always Love You (Niragi x F!Reader) 💔🔥 - Sometimes love (and lust) just isn't enough

The Game Itself Chapter IX

In Writing ◇

Not So Hidden (Chishiya x F!Reader x Niragi) 🔥- Part two to Hidden in Plain Sight

Fixation (Chishiya x F!Reader) 🔥💕- Doctor Chishiya is obsessed with trying to get you pregnant; Requested

Queen of Diamonds (F!Reader, undecided love interest) 💕💔✨️- As the Queen of Diamonds, you travel to The Beach with Mira and Kuzuryu; this is the story of disguising yourself as a regular player, potentially falling into the trap of love with one, and how that will play out when the second phase begins. Requested - likely will be a multi-part series

AiB x Disney AU Collection (Most of them will be x Reader) 💕🔥💔✨️- I turn AiB characters into Disney Princes/Princesses and pair them either with you or each other

Un-announced New Multichapter Series (Chishiya x F!Reader x Niragi) - Coming May 26th

Confession (Tatta x F!Reader) 💕- Tatta has a major crush on Reader; no way she will ever feel the same, right?

Domination (Chishiya x F!Reader) 🔥- For a normally composed and controlled person, being in the bedroom with you makes Chishiya throw that out the window; possible addition of Niragi as well bc 🤤Requested

Un-named Chishiya x femboy!Reader smut fic 🔥- This story excites me GREATLY bc it is so far beyond what I usually write; I will be praying to whoever out there that I can do this justice ��� Requested

Ideas ♧

These are works that I will be writing, I just haven't put any words to paper yet. OR they were requests that just came into my inbox, and I haven't had a chance to brainstorm yet 🫶🏻

Un-announced Niragi x F!Reader AU Series 💕🔥💔✨️

No less than six un-named oneshots from The Game Itself Universe 💕🔥💔✨️

Three un-named stories that add a new storyline to the One Look Collection Universe 💕🔥✨️

Tag, You're It (Tatta x F!Reader) 💕- Best friends to lovers Tatta and Reader when they are dumped into Borderland and forced to play Tag

OKAY 🫶🏻✨️ what are you guys excited to see?

Masterlist

[waywardstation]

hi! i havent been on tumblr in a Hot minute but i wanted to come here JUST to tell you that hfbe might be my fave pla fic ive read ao far! the worldbuilding and the characterization of everyone just feels so so right i fall in love

i reread it on ao3 and even tho its not completed its still a joy to reread everytime

Hello hello!! Anon you have no idea how much it meant to me to get to read this. Knowing I put something out there that you wanted to back to and reread means A LOT.

I’m glad you like it so much but man I have been editing the first two chapters (fixing errors, making characters say and do things that are more in line with how I write them now, and just adding scenes in between to help things seem more clear or hit harder), and I’m like man this really isn’t that good haha.

It’s fun to see how much I think I’ve improved since I’ve started trying to write fanfics (I wasn’t aware of how obsessed I had been with commas and run-on sentences at the start lol)

So reading this nice message really gives me such a boost of motivation. I’m so glad you like the worldbuilding, and it makes me excited to get more out because later chapters are when I really introduce specifics on a lot of things. Namely the Pearl Clan’s hunting parties, that has been my favorite.

Now I just gotta get more out! Hoping to put more out for you to read soon kind anon, I really appreciate that you find it’s something you like to reread!

For now, here is a snippet below the cut; I am unsure if I have shared this before, but it’s a scene where Ingo is preparing to advocate for the Clan to use pokeballs to store their pokemon in, so that there is less food consumption (as in HFBE, it’s emphasized that pokeballs put pokemon into a stasis where they don’t need to eat, drink, sleep, etc. for as long as they’re in them. Ingo does it with his pokemon, and he wants the clan to do it too, for their own sakes).

Wording is subject to change (VERY MUCH SO), but enjoy!

—————

“Excuse me Miss Irida, but may we talk for a moment?”

The Pearl Clan leader turned back to see Ingo – he was trailing behind the group, purposefully so. He had been waiting for the right moment to approach her.

“Right now?” Irida’s eyes flickered back over the tops of people’s heads, up towards the communal hall at the top of the hill. “I’m sorry, but can it wait until after the meeting?”

“It is actually about the meeting.” Ingo’s grey eyes were unwavering, waiting — he wanted to ask her something. And Ingo was not one to usually ask for things.

“Ok,” She relented, pausing in the snow both so he could catch up, and they could have their conversation with some privacy. “You have until we reach the hall.”

“Thank you, I assure you it will be quick.” Ingo fell into step beside her, shuffling through the snow as they now both trailed behind the group heading towards the warm hall. He kept his head tilted down just like her, using the brim of his hat to protect against the wind and snowfall. “I, well… I am planning to re-propose a proposition at this meeting tonight. I’d like to make another attempt at advocating for the use of pokeballs.”

“Tonight? Are you serious?” Irida lowered her voice for his sake, looking back between him and the group. How could he possibly think about proposing that when this meeting was for them to discuss how to prepare for this famine? “I’m saying this not as your leader but as your friend, Ingo; now is absolutely not a good time for that. Everyone is already going into this meeting angry. And if you try and start this again, they’re going to-”

Irida took a deep breath; she was already getting stressed over it.

“You know how people are going to react to that. You know who it’s going to upset, Ingo. Especially after last time. And you said you’d let it go.”

“I am well aware of what I said and I intended to stick to it, but these circumstances have changed our tracks, and I believe this may save us from derailing!” Ingo whispered back. He kept throwing quick glances at the nearing hall, gauging how much time he had left to persuade her. “Pokeballs can help us much more than the clan realizes – I’m confident that this can bring us closer to a solution, if not at least be a part of one!”

Irritation and confusion were replaced with genuine curiosity, but a fleck of doubt hesitantly followed after. Irida shook her head, not understanding. “How could they possibly help with all of this?”

“I will explain that in the meeting.” Having conquered the snowy hill, the two reached the warm light that spilled through the hall’s windows to project onto the snow. “But to do that, I need to actually present my proposal, and I’m afraid that will be difficult with the elders tonight. I am trying this for the fourth time now, and I’m aware of how this will most likely be received. I expect they’ll call to send me back to my seat before I even start.”

Ingo paused just outside the doors, waiting for Irida to go in first — she could do so and end the conversation right now if she wanted to, but she didn’t. Instead she stood there, staring at their fading shoeprints in the snow.

Irida could see why he approached her about this now, and a part of her felt sorry for him. “So you want me to vouch for you.”

“Not the proposal itself. Just the time to talk.”

[xxnashiraxx]

New Year Writing Tag

Thank you for tagging me @ladyduellist!! I tried to pour over my notifications to see if anyone else tagged me in this so if I missed you, I'm sorry!! 💕

What's Been Your Biggest Learning Point This Past Year? I think for me, it's been been note taking! I never used to do that, and I have like 30 notes open in my phone of ideas, future dialogue, scenes, etc. It's helped so much!

How Has Your Writing Developed This Past Year? I think it's gone really well! I struggled a lot in the beginning of the year. I started writing my fic in April and only started posting in July, but thank goodness I took all those months to do it because I could clearly see how different it was between all those months and I was able to edit it to my satisfaction! I feel I've come a long way from where I was just a year ago 💗

Good Writing Habits? Note-taking! So much note-taking! It also helps me sustain my inspiration and motivation. Also, taking breaks to work on other stuff, even things that never see the light of day. It helps me break everything up! 💕

Bad Writing Habits? I have to say straying off on like tumblr or something- I get distracted easily and I really should close those tabs while I'm trying to stay dedicated!! Also, editing while I'm trying to make progress- I tend to get completely engrossed and miss so much development time. *sigh*

Favorite Thing You Wrote? So far, Chapter 6 of With Stars to Fill My Dream. It's my bite-night chapter and I am really proud of it- it has all that fun vampire stuff I like, lots of fun prose, some "Astarion lost in the sauce" moments, and honestly I just really love vampires. It felt good to finally write a bite scene after being obsessed with vampires for most of my life, lol.

Favorite Reads? Man, I haven't been reading actual books in a while, I have dipped into Dracula again recently but I'll link some of my fave fanfics I've read this year!

Until You by @bloodinwine (seriously do yourself a favor and read this fic- it's insanely beautiful, raw, and so powerful. It's such an emotional journey, I have yet to get fully caught up, but my GOD just everything is done so well and I guarantee you'll fall in love with Effy)

Not Your Sweetheart by @kittenintheden (again, another AMAZING fic- I have been in love with Ori since I first read this. She's such a wonderful, quick-witted, lovely character that I am still obsessed with, and again, I've been falling behind in catching up on fics but I'm so excited to finally do so here soon!)

Slip Away Today by @ladyduellist (COWBOY ASTARION!! Need I say more?? I am obsessed with this fic- I love it, I love Lady sm, and it's just. Incredible. YA'LL need to read this because it delivers. Perfect, Old West Faerun)

La Petite Mort by @pinkberrytea (This fic fundamentally changed me on a molecular level. Absolutely amazing and so hot- do yourself a favor and read this for some vampire bite fun and to just melt into the ground. Honestly, anything from Berry just slaps)

Hellish Rebuke by @bludazey (Another fic I NEED to get caught up in, but just SO well written- I've actually had to put my phone down while reading a few times just to *absorb* the words and also take an emotional break. I love Lilith so much and fully intend on descending into this completed masterpiece this year so I can not only show it the love it deserves but finally see where those two end up)

Khywren's Kinktober Series by @khywren (INSANITY. PERFECTION. All of these are AMAZING- I've loved every single one and I am so in love with Ysera and her relationship with Astarion. All of Khy's work is top-notch, and if you're looking for heartwarming writing, amazing smut, and wonderful characterization look no further.)

And may I also interest you in the amazing friends I know that have made such exemplary stories and beautiful fics? @preciouslittlebhaalbae with her INCREDIBLE bg3 isekai that steals my breath with its tenderness and raw, emotional scenes- @verbenaa with her lovely Tav, Rin, and her journey with Astarion that I MUST CONTINUE, but Chloe's other amazing works are just as wonderful- @elinorbard and her AMAZING DURGETASH- guys, please give her fics a read- @inkymoonbunny and her amazing Branded Blood series!! Tiefling Astarion! What more can I say? You'll fall in love with Flare immediately and want to see these two heal and love each other :") @badbloodwitch who deserves all the love and praise on her incredible Astarion works and AA fics- passionate, sad, loving- just everything you could hope for! You'll sense there's a running theme of me being behind in reading, but don't be like me and go read all these!!

Biggest Win? Making friends!! I have been away from anything social like writing and posting fics and art for so long and I feel like I lost so much in those years of stagnation. I finally feel almost like I'm supposed to- happy, excited to experience each day, and desperately lacking in time to do all the things I love, but I persist! 💕

Goals for the New Year? Finishing With Stars to Fill My Dream! I'm starting to write Act 1.5/2 right now, and I'm hoping by the end of the year that I'm closing the book on Ofelia and Astarion's main journey. Hopefully, I'll even be starting the much shorter sequel! I have some plans for these two and I'm really excited to put them into writing. 💕

Your Favorite Word of the Year, AKA the Words You Check Each Chapter for, Making Sure You Didn't Repear them 788 Times? Haha, yes- "rubies", "plush", "fingers", "crimson", "blood". Got a lot of those in there, sorry guys.

What Are You Excited for In the New Year? Catching up on my friend's fics and writing more!! And improving on my art- I haven't been drawing in about 6 years so I'm excited to try and keep improving as much as I can!!

I feel like I've tagged a lot of people here, so if you've been mentioned above consider yourself tagged! Adding a few no-pressure ones below, as well! 💗

@vividiana @andromedaancunin @justabiteofspite @nerdallwritey @lanafofana @kalmiaphlox @busy-baker @caffeinatedmunchkin @alwaysmauria @heylittleriotact @vividiana @roguishcat @bardic-inspo

[c-sand]

getting to know your mutuals 💁🏽‍♀️

thank you to @stelly38 for tagging me 🥰 i am very slow 🧍🏽‍♀️

what is the origin of your blog title: my blog title is "that's a beautiful thing to do" and it comes from the line, "you waited for me...that's a beautiful thing to do." which is in a movie called "a crime" from 2006, starring norman reedus. my blog is whatever i'm obsessed with in the moment (obvi lolol) and for a long while there i was mostly a walking dead blog and me and all my friends on here were obsessed with watching norman's absolutely bonkers filmography. anyway his character is a man called vincent, who's wife is murdered by a taxi driver (??) (it's been awhile idklol) and his neighbor is in love with him. and she waits for him ect ect. apparently i made gifs of the scene. (and good god, look at those old gifs 💀💀)

why is this my blog title? i literally couldn't say. i liked the line and whenever i went to change it, it looked weird with it gone. it's the same thing as my icon. i can't change it from ariel, it looks wrong 😂

otp(s) + shipnames: good god, buckle up 😩 (all of my main ones are probably on my ship edit list in my navigation, so people can look there.) but, for a general breakdown, i guess i'll start with the ones people know this blog for best:

jon snow x sansa stark (jonsa): my great loves.

the best fic, the best vibes. the complimentary arcs. the longing gazes and heavy breathing in full view other people? when they absolutely shouldn't be longingly gazing and heavily breathing in full view of other people?? because, um, they think they're siblings?? like...these two gotta calm down, it's borderline indecent.

i've never in my life read more meta for a ship and most are just brilliant. the way that these two echo each other throughout the story (both show and book) is just stunning and, because we don't actually have them in the books, yet (george, george please) just the imagined potentials of how they might interact and grow together in the original format is just so fun. (well, tragic and trauma, but fun.)

there's more elegant and substance built things to say, but for this i'll just say: perfection. y'all know how i feel about jon and sansa.

daryl dixon x beth greene (bethyl): the foundation.

again, the walking dead was my first legit fandom hold, here on tumblr dot com. like, all of my followers came from this era lmaoo. when i say daryl and beth are the foundation, i mean, like, at one point there were six of us in this fandom. people probably existed outside of tumblr, but on this hellsite there started with six of us and i actively remember us choosing what name to go with for their ship name andfdklsgkdfljghfdk. (i did have a soft spot for deth 😂😂)

i've never been a member of team d. (but, hey, shoutout to team d! 👋🏽) but, i legitimately sobbed during her last episode. it was so out of nowhere and so poorly done and i was absolutely miserable lmaoo. and i still solidly believe that these two are soulmates and should have been the next couple on the show. and that bitch ass robert kirkman destroyed everything 😀

buffy summers x spike (spuffy): don't even get me started.

legitimately, do not get me started. these are a foundation of my soul, to be quite honest. like... i think almost my whole life? has been spent loving spike and buffy??

this dynamic is so wild and complex. buffy summers and spike, individually, are two of my favorite characters of all time. (actually all of these ships are top characters, for me, which probably shows why i've loved them for so long). i feel like spike and buffy is not a ship for the weak, like, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. there is a lot of rain. but the journey they go on from enemies, to reluctant allies, to friends, to enemies, to friends, to lovers, to enemies, to friends, to soulmates. it's a ride. it's a long ride.

and very few ships could go through this arc, especially the low points of their relationship, and come out on the other side still being evvvvvvvverything. and they are. everything.

klaus mikaelson and caroline forbes (klaroline): don't piss me off.

the vampire diaries (and the originals following right along behind it) piss me right off 😂😂😂😂

this is another perfect example of literal gold in the writers hands that was absolutely squandered. a girl who no one ever puts first and is desperate for a boy to see her and choose her -- to pick her first -- meets an over a thousand year vampire who sees her and instantly falls at her feet. gold. perfection. absolutely thrown to the side for (coughs) mediocre replacements. (i love stefan, but boy, get someone elSE!)

i'll never forget that forest scene. to both win and lose in one fell swoop 😩😩 insanity.

jess mariano and rory gilmore (literati): okay, now this? this c-sand origin story.

i could scream. i could cry. rory and jess are simultaneously the greatest thing in the world and the absolute worst. my greatest love and my greatest trauma 😭😭 they're another lifer ship, for me. but, they also suffer from one of my most hated writers paths: incredible build up and subsequent back burner.

watching the build up of their feelings for each other; from his introduction in season two, to early mid season three -- it's so well done. they're obsessed with each other!! i'm obsessed with them!!!! dean gets to suffer!!!! and then they finally get together (in an absolutely iconic episode) and the writers then regulate their entire relationship to primarily off screen interactions 🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏽‍♀️ we are simply told they're really great together and spend all of their time together, being a good relationship. before it's decided that "actually, jess could probably lead a spin off show" and they tank the whole relationship by making him essentially stop talking to her. and they do it on screen.

when you tell us they're great for their whole relationship, but don't show us them actually dating, and then SHOW US it falling apart -- it gives the impression it was a terrible relationship the whole time and it waSN'T.

(and it's so sad, because it's her only relationship where they decide to not actually...show the....relationship, once they together. hate asp for that.)

frank castle and karen page (kastle): i swear to god, if these two don't ever get together, i'm gonna jump.

first off, i run the @kastlenetwork, so that should probably give you an idea and what's going down with me. so.

daredevil: born again is about to drop and if these two. don't. interact. i need more longing looks. i need matt to hear their hearts racing. i need frank castle to stop being a punk and pushing my girl away. i'll keep this short. love them. i run a network 😂😂😂

ross poldark and demelza poldark (romelza): welcome to the club!

a new addition to my addictions. shout out to this beautiful walking perfection, that is demelza poldark and her husband ross, who i often want to punch in the face, but still love despite that. god, he pisses me off, but, he always brings me back in. the power of a dumbo man, i guess 😩 i barreled through this entire show in an embarrassingly short time.

if only this man could realize he has literally ZERO chemistry with a woman named elizabeth, the ship would have a lot smoother of a sail.

aragorn x eowyn (arawyn): i'll fight someone, i do not care.

i do not care. love arwen. love faramir. lovely. love those relationships. swell. aragorn and eowyn? this is it. i live in a whole other world where this is what thrives and i can be happy 🥰

💗there's so many more, like sookie and eric, jackie and hyde, lucy and flynn, zuko and katara, declan o'hara and me. but, i am rambling oh my god.💗

favorite color: my favorite colors and green, pink, purple, and brown probably.

song stuck in your head: the other day, i remembered that i like mumford and sons.

and also:

weirdest habit/trait: ummm, this is the kind of question that i have no clue how to answer. i feel like nothing i do is weird, even if it is to other people. anything i do feels normal, to me idk.

hobbies: trying to read and not take eighty months to finish my book. fluffing around in photoshop making sets. watching movies/tv -- my sister bought me a projector screen for christmas, so i watch everything huge. trying and failing to paint nail art onto myself.

something you're good at: maybe baking. sort of painting, i guess. not talking to people. pretending to laugh when members at my job think they're being hilarious.

something you collect: good pens, physical media of movies and shows that i love. apparently game of thrones funko pops, as long as they're jon or sansa. one sided enemies and rivals.

something you forget: the sentence i was about to say. the thing i was about to google, two seconds prior. the one thing i reminded myself that i needed, at the grocery store.

what's your love language: i guess acts of service, idk 😂😂

favorite movie/show: legitimately impossible.

avatar the last airbender

gilmore girls

bleach

lord of the rings/the hobbit

poldark

buffy the vampire slayer

smallville

that 70's show

friday night lights

the walking dead (seasons 1-4)

greek

game of thrones

house

moulin rouge

on and on and on

favorite animal:

cats. house cats. big cats.

giraffes

monkeys

bears

what were you like as a child: probably more talkative, i'm sure.

favorite subjects in school: art and english.

least favorite subjects in school: all math classes.

best character trait: ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

worst character trait: probably my disinterest in other people's liveskjdhfjkaldhfkdshfkjh like, if my coworkers keep going on and on about the same things, every day, all day -- i just totally zone out. couldn't be bothered.

if you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?: the list is endless.

if you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?: the idea of having to expel energy for time travel, at this precise moment, makes me want to go to die.

(this is the part where i say i have no clue who to tag, umm @esther-dot @riahchan @carry-the-sky @onhersleeve @consultingviking idk, you can do it or not 😂💗)

[paula-in-dreamland]

Ask Game!

I was tagged by @thelettersfromnoone (and potentially someone else recently lmao) <333333

Last Song: Full song? Never Been Better (ft. Orla Gartland) - half-alive. But, I also had about 20s left of "So I" by Charli xcx before I paused it cause we were done with clean-up time and that's not a very ~calming~ song for a child's bedtime lol

Last Book: Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros. Still technically trudging through Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer. And just finished beta-reading the second act of an original story written by a friend/sorority sister from college today!

Last Movie: OH! Well - one that I actively watched - Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. Absolutely ZERO regrets. So happy I got to introduce my child to it. WAIT JK. NO. THAT NIGHT I WATCHED SAILOR MOON COSMOS PART I + II MAKING IT A VERY INNER CHILD HEALING KIND OF DAY. BUT, you see ~technically~ I watched Back to the Outback (or whatever that netflix animated children's film is called) this afternoon, though I paid absolutely zero attention to it. Just on as background noise for me and my child while I got some stuff done.

Last TV Show: Watched two episodes of TLK on Sunday and it was ~healing~

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: Sweet. Always sweet. But I love savory too!!!

Relationship Status: Happily married :)

Last Thing I Googled: "Rex Sox Events"

Current Obsession: Still mostly TLK - but very specifically Sig x Stiorra (both individually and their relationship). I also have gone down a hockey rabbit hole because of a fic I am writing? IDK if there is anything else I can qualify as a current obsession...

Looking Forward To: I always love my writing/computer time (aka right now). And maybe sleep?

Last Creative Project I Worked On: Currently re-copy editing the chapters of my TLK-HG fic that have already posted for the bagillionth time (only 1.25 left!!) while simultaneously editing the next chapter. :)

No pressure tags: @azriona @kingslionheart @lord-aldhelm @holy3cake

@chman90 @errruvande & anyone else interested/who sees this!

(Lo siento if you have already been tagged recently // Pls do tell me if you want to be added to the list for these!)

[isalisewrites]

Hiiiiiiiii,

Just before I ask what I wanna ask xD I want to let you know that I got absolutely OBSESSED with Terrible, But Great!

And because of that, I am working on a typeset so that I can print it and make it into a physical book. As I enjoy having them as physical trophies and as a way to save them forever. As, sadly some fics I love have disappeared of the face of the earth ;-;

And I know Terrible, But Great isn't done yet. But I know that Act one is done. I remember that you posted at the end of one of the chapters how many Acts you had planned out and how many chapters those Acts will have, but I can't seem to find it anymore. I kinda wanted to use it as a guide to divide the fic into multiple books as I don't like holding big books and would rather divide them logically than to pick at random. Would you mind letting me know which chapters belong/are going to belong to which Act so that I can set up the typesets for them?

As prove of my trophies I'll attach these images; I make my own typeset and covers.

Okay, so a few things.

I fucking adore you. First off.

I love that you want TBG bound in book form. That's definitely what I want, too, when I'm done. I actually had an image of what I did in one of the chapters, but when you link discord images, they seem to expire after two weeks. I'll be moving it eventually to tumblr.

I own Vellum, which is a program to typeset ebooks and print books. So, I have the first arc already formatted. I planned to print out five books, one for each arc. Arc Two will be the longest arc.

However, there are a couple of inconsistencies in the first arc that I need to edit out and I haven't done that yet in favor of pushing forward. They're rather minor, but still important. When I began writing TBG, there were a lot of lore things that I didn't know about until later. Plus, Harry's glasses went invisible in my mind and Harry's height sometimes is taller than it should be.

Next, I wasn't content with my formatting. I didn't like how large the font ended up being in print. Didn't like my cover after awhile. I have since decided on overarching cover themes for all five arcs and I will probably end up commissioning artwork for it.

As for the arc structure, this information was in the notes in the first chapter. It's out of date now, though.

There will be a total of five Arcs.

Arc One is complete with chapters 1 - 22.

Arc Two will be completed on December 31st with chapters 23 - 53.

Arcs Three - Five length could fluctuate since Arc Two expanded by 4 chapters and I wasnt prepared for that. So, this is all projection from here.

Arc Three is: 54 - 76.

Arc Four 77 - 99

Arc Five 100 - 121 plus Epilogue.

You're totally free to make your own copy at any point, but just be aware that Arc One will get some edits in the future to refine a couple of things. And I know you mentioned this in a second ask, but yeah. So long as it doesn't go on sale due to legality reasons, you can do whatever you want with it.

I love your trophies btw!!! I understand the fear of losing your favorite fics. No matter what comes my way, I will never delete TBG. Because I know that fear very well. Should AO3, in the unlikely outcome, ever go down, I will find a new platform to upload it to or share it through other ways. I know what it means to have these fics in your life. There are so many fics that are sacred to my heart and I don't want others to feel a loss.

[astriiformes]

hello!! this is kit. happy birthday!!! you don't have to answer all of these but

🎞️if you could change one scene from any of the movies, which one would you change and how?

⏲️what time period would you want marty to travel to and what would you want him to do? for fun or for something serious?

💫if you have any bttf related wips, here's the oppurtunity to ramble about them! (<-PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLSEPLSPEL)

Thank you!!

🎞️ - If you could change one scene from any of the movies, which one would you change and how?

Oof, just one scene is difficult, because the thing I'd like to change most would be how Jennifer's plot was handled in the second movie, and that requires a bit more overhauling. I think you could still make it better with a little tweaking though -- maybe she doesn't get knocked out and is simply told to stay watch the DeLorean, which still ends up being a problem when she tries to lure someone away from it, or something like that.

I guess that still modifies more like two scenes, but you get the idea! Anything to make her feel like she's got a little more agency. Because I like her a lot and it bothers me that the BttF movies aren't even that terrible at writing women (Lorraine and Clara are both really interesting characters!), but sidelined her anyways.

⏲️- What time period would you want Marty to travel to and what would you want him to do? For fun or for something serious?

Already answered this one but since there are plenty of time periods to choose from I will simply pick another. As someone who studies the history of science, I think that Doc and Marty could get up to some peak shenanigans in Enlightenment-era America (thinking late 18th and early 19th century here) when everyone was obsessed with the phenomena of electricity. I want to unleash Doc Brown on the people that thought lightning rods defied the will of God.

💫- If you have any BttF related WIPs, here's the opportunity to ramble about them!

OH BOY DO I

So, four years ago I started a diptych of stories I am yet to finish but that are some of the fics nearest and dearest to my heart, surrounding the idea of Marty being transgender. (I once called them my love-letter to transmasculinity, which is a little dramatic, but genuinely a bit how I feel about them)

The first is from Doc's perspective, and deals with the fact that, when Marty was first born, the version of him who'd been visited by 17 year-old Marty back in 1955 must've had an absolute heart attack at first. It features a very confused Doc and (eventually) a younger Marty figuring some important things out about himself, and is probably about half-written at uh. Almost 9k words.

The second, companion piece is from Marty's perspective, and set post-trilogy, dealing with him navigating questions of identity as someone who is trans and who now grew up in a different timeline. It follows his relationships with the important people in his life, his dueling existential crises, and the isolating feeling that maybe there's no one who understands you in the entire world -- and the relief that comes from learning that you're wrong.

I've done a truly monster amount of research for these fics--including having a librarian friend help me track down digitized historical documents during lockdown back in 2020--and am contemplating diving into the historical queer archive where I currently work for a second round, though we'll see what I can find. Regardless, I really want to finally finish these stories now that I've circled back around to having a lot of Back to the Future feelings again.

(Also to show the BttF fandom that I'm a much better writer when I'm not churning out only-mildly-edited 1-2k fics every day for a writing challenge, rip, although I'm honored people have been enjoying those ones, too! Just, you know. I can do better.)

[formula-fun]

hi there, let me walk you throught the last few days of my life

saw a list of history recommendations here on tumblr last Friday, saw the series if I had words there and thought "well let's give it a shot!"

started reading Friday night, got obsessed with it, couldn't stop, finished max's part Sunday, a little after the race.

got sad it ended and then VERY happy when I remember about the other part!!

started reading Sunday afternoon, got obsessed with it, couldn't stop, finished charles' part five minutes ago

All of this to day, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR WORK 😭😭😭

like WTH IS SOO GOOD

the construction, the order of the events, seeing everything fall into place after reading both parts, max learning to grow older and softer, charles understanding his feelings and letting himself have nice things, their mom's, the packs, the I love yous, oh my GOD 😭😭

broke my heart when I reached the end because I could keep read more and more and more of those two maybe forever??

definitely interest in a sequel or spin off or any little crumb showing just a peek of them again

again, amazing work, absolutely brilliant all around (and I was always laughing at your notes hahaha)

sending love !!

😭😭😭😭😭😭 thank youuuuuu i literally cannot tell you how much i love this, hhh. I DO NOT HAVE WORDS

this fic is truly my child, i put so much time and attention into it and i love the way it turned out so much <33 ive never allowed myself to just take my time on something and keep scrapping it over and over until it was exactly how i wanted it, but i'm so glad i did! it makes me really happy that other people appreciate the care that went into it and appreciate the way everything falls into place. i promise it was HEADACHE inducing at times to write two different stories about the same event but it was also really really fun

and thank you abt notes ahhahsahs i do NOT put as much effort into my notes. i usually write my notes at the last second after editing for like 3 hrs straight and just roll on vibes, so im glad you enjoy that <33

dfkjdfksd i'm running low on crumbs but you can have this!! it's from a version of the final chapter in which jos DID tell the press about the miscarriage

Max wakes him up with a kiss at the base of his neck, and then one on his mouth that lingers sweetly. His hands are hesitant on Charles’ waist, his touch light and skittish, which Charles always hates. Charles tells him so, and Max lets out a husky laugh.

“You want more?” he asks, his tone still hesitant even when his eyes are dancing. It makes Charles roll his own eyes, and then roll him; pin him down into the mattress by his wrists and bite at his jaw.

“I want you to touch me like you mean it,” he mutters into his skin.

Max’s wrists flex beneath his grip, muscles coiled and ready to fight. His mouth is curved when Charles kisses it, but he bites Charles’ lip anyway.

“Mean what?” Max whispers against his mouth when they part.

That I’m yours, Charles thinks, but he doesn’t say it. He can’t say it. He can’t really admit to something like that, yet; can’t allow himself to, even if he already knows it’s halfway true. He wants to mean it when he says it, and Max—Max hasn’t chosen him yet.

“That you want me,” Charles says instead. He brushes his nose against Max’s jawline; against his pulse point; follows the line of his throat down to the spot where his mark would go and lets his breath dance over it. Max’s chest goes stone still beneath his own.

Charles ducks forward and brushes a chaste kiss there, as softly as he can. Max shivers beneath him, his eyelids fluttering shut. His tendons shift under Charles’ palms as his hands clench into loose fists.

“Do you—”

In a blink they’re rolling over, Max pressing him down, one hand at the small of his back and the other beneath his knee. Max kisses him hard.

“Like I couldn’t,” Max hisses against his mouth when they part. “What kind of question is that?”

Charles just quirks an eyebrow. “Show me,” he says simply.

For a while, he’s able to forget about it all.

Of course it only lasts as long for it takes the two of them to shower, get dressed and part ways; as soon as he arrives in the paddock he’s swarmed. It’s not the fans—they’re not allowed back here today—or even that people are yelling questions. People know not to try; not when paddock passes can get revoked and fines can be given.

They don’t do anything so stupid, but it doesn’t matter. The scrutiny is just as bad; two dozen cameras following his every move as if waiting for him to do something.

He breathes a sigh of relief as he ducks into the Ferrari hospitality. Andrea slips in after him, and he’s kind enough not to say anything about the way Charles is morosely stuffing biscuits from the coffee bar into his mouth.

“I called your pack off,” he tells Charles, making himself an espresso. He almost manages to look disinterested while he does it.

Charles just raises his eyebrows. “Did you?”

“Well, Pierre did. They didn’t really listen to me.” He dumps two sugars into his coffee, stirring a little aggressively, and then rolls his eyes at the look Charles is giving him. “Oh, leave me alone. It’s been a stressful morning. How are you doing?”

Charles shrugs. “We knew this was going to happen,” he points out.

“Yeah, I know. That wasn’t really my question.”

“I’m,” Charles starts, then looks down at his biscuit; the crescent bite taken out of it. “It’s fine. I don’t think it has fully hit me yet.”

Andrea purses his lips. He nods. “Fred said they’re not allowed to ask any questions about it in the presser. You’re with Pierre, Alex, Oscar and George, so even if someone tries something, you won’t be alone. It was the best we could do.”

“Max?” Charles asks, in spite of himself.

Andrea’s lips somehow purse even harder. “The FIA was strongly advised to give him a week off.”

“But not me.”

“You wouldn’t want a week off.”

Charles hums. That’s true.

“Besides,” Andrea adds in an undertone, “I know you will want to set an example that this is not to be discussed in the paddock. It’s not Fred’s decision, obviously, but…”

“But you don’t trust Max to be able to do the same,” Charles finishes for him.

“I trust him,” Andrea argues. “I trust him to say what we’re all thinking, which is that this is stupid and everyone should fuck off. I just also know that will only make things worse.”

Charles tilts his head, conceding the point. He breaks a crumb off his biscuit; pushes it past his lips.

“Is he alright?” Andrea asks after a beat, his voice quiet. “After last night?”

Andrea had been the one to check on them when they hadn’t reemerged from the bedroom suite, only to find them curled up on the bed, Max having finally passed out. Charles had kissed his forehead before slipping out to join the media strategy session; had pulled the duvet over him as he went. He’d called room service after everyone had finally left, coaxing Max into eating comfort food in bed with him, some meaningless travel show playing in the background, giving Max’s red-rimmed eyes somewhere to drift when they refused to meet Charles’ own.

“He’s fine,” Charles mutters, then scrubs at his hair. “Or he will be fine. I don’t know. He has this stupid idea that he has to be the strong one all the time. He doesn’t feel like he should need me when I am the one who everyone is talking about, and when he thinks it is all his fault.”

“Why does he think that?” Andrea asks.

“Because Jos was the only one who could have told them. Nobody else knew. And Max was the one who told Jos.”

Andrea chews that over, sipping his coffee.

“I don’t know why it matters,” Charles adds. “It is out now. It doesn’t matter how it got out.”

“You could always sue Jos,” Andrea muses. “Defamation or whatever.”

“It’s not worth it.”

“Isn’t it?”

Charles shrugs. Maybe it would give him some sense of satisfaction; probably not. “It would just give the media more to talk about,” he says. “It would make Max feel worse. I would gain nothing. It was going to come out eventually anyway,” he adds. “It was always a matter of time, wasn’t it?”

Andrea grimaces. “It’s hard to say,” he admits, “but these things tend to not stay secrets for long.”

[psaiouma]

Cupid's Writing Diary - 2/8/25

Entry End of Day February 8th, 2025 (dear god it's 5:45 am on the 9th rn) (this one's a rambling one, sorry)

Took a break for a couple of days because, whew, my emotional state is hashtag bad. I get a lot of dumb, mean anon comments all the time [it's why my fic comment moderation is on registered users only, if you can't take it, you're not allowed to dish it xoxo] (like seriously I made this Tumblr what?? Two weeks ago? And I've already gotten 3. Not to mention the anon that was following me onto other people fics asking me to write rape fics.) And even though this most recent was was extreme nothingburger of an insult, it was still something that affected me personally due to my own projections onto Shuichi.

WHEW okayyyy I just typed out four VERY long paragraphs talking about this insult I got and y'know what? It's very stupid and I do not wish to give the completely ignorant and incorrect anon any sort of energy.

Anyway, though, due to my absolutely ass sleep schedule, the ever looming threat of needing to get a job again, and my personal disdain for certain aspects of my life... writing is juuust not fucking happening.

That is, however, until irls got inspired to write again and needed a party! So, I got to hang out with my besties from high school and I wrote over 2k words, which felt incredible. I'm so fucking speedy when I wanna be. 'Cause all that was over the course of an hour.

I'm fleshing out Chapter 2 of Snautism very well!!! And I finally have a direction I want to take things in. I keep changing my mind on everything but that's the price I pay for wanting to do a spontaneous fic about snakes. I do miss the days where I just wrote and didn't care about the end result as much. But I like that everything I make is at a quality that I respect. Writing should always be for yourself, but I am a perfectionist neurodivergent who would rather die than have two sentences in the same paragraph start with 'he', y'know?

On top of the anon, I just remembered tat I had sent my fic to my friends just for entertainment purposes but oops they both thought it was being sent over for a beta and so they beta'd it and aaaaa they have a lot of changes suggested sobs sobs sobs. Plus, I'm debating on switching POVs for certain parts, or making it third person omni, which might be the play here and I haven't done for a while. However that's not what I've got like over 5k words of oops. Very distinct POV switches.

Regardless, today was AWESOME and I wrote and I got to hang out with friends and god I'm so addicted to quizzes. Does anyone else's friend group have an OBSESSION with quizzes??? We take anything our grubby little hands can get on. It started with me doing anime op quizzes with my roommate/bestie and now we've got the whole squad doing vocaloid and pokemon and video game music quizzes and grrrrr I LOVE quizzes.

... this has been a very off topic writing diary but I promise it all connects. I'm just saying being around that company inspired me to write. Because EVERYONE was writing.

Okay. My roommate is about to wake up. It's almost 6am. Probably going to sleep until 2pm ugh. I was tired at like midnight why didn't I just go to bed??? Anyway, that's why this diary entree is so WEIRD but yeah Snautism happening. Very stoked about it. Moreso for it to be done so I can pick the next thing. Ooo! Maybe I can have people vote on the next fic since I'm doing this 'focus on it until it's done' thinig. When Snautism is over, I'll make a list and pin it for people who care to keep track of -nods nods-

Nighty fuckin' night don't be like me, kids. And also holy shit FUCK my 'i' key I REALLY need to fix it I've been editing so hard because it either skips or double presses pissing me OFF.

,,,, I type like Greg Heffley,,, save me.

[aprillikesthings]

I am still a little obsessed with this

I had an idea for a Catradora fic like a year ago and ugggh I'd need to rewatch the whole show to do it any justice and I dunno if I have the patience

Anyway have some barely-edited info-dumping I did last March in a tiny discord server for a completely different cartoon ship*:

The other night when I couldn't sleep it occurred to me that there could/should be a very realistic fic out there of catra and adora, after the events of the last season, having a very passionate but over-dramatic relationship for a couple of years, then breaking up and getting back together multiple times before one or both of them decides Actually, we have to break up, for real, we are slowly killing each other over this; and one of them moves away and they both get therapy of some kind and both try dating other people but it just isn't working out (I can absolutely see Adora in a relationship that's perfectly fine and healthy but also boring as fuck, and her just thinking: huh, I guess normal people are supposed to feel like this? but it just feels like it's missing something, but the thing it's missing might just be a lot of arguing and crying and make-up sex, so like, I should just. stop missing that. probably. And Catra ending up in a bunch of short-term things where all of them end with either the other person going dude you are in love with someone else and I can tell or her feeling guilty and breaking it off bc the other person is obviously more into her than vice-versa)

And anyway after like ten years or something they see each other but one or both is still dating someone else and it's like ha ha our younger days were SOMETHING ELSE weren't they, oh did you get therapy oh good me too, I'm glad you're doing well, nice to bump into you :) but they're both internally screaming because yeah those feelings are Still There, fuck fuck fuck

The current partner of whichever of them dumps them bc "you're still in love with your ex" but neither of them say why the dump happened and the dumped one doesn't say anything to the other, which means they hear about it through the grapevine, and their heart goes YOOOOO and their brain goes "I thought we were actually done with this and being Good about it fuck fuck fuck" and theyre both :) still normal to each other :) all the time :)

PINING I love pining hhh lol

But yeah there's, I dunno. A party? with a lot of people? maybe they each have one (1) drink, not even enough to impair them, and the next thing you know they're making out in a closet or something somewhere, and then one or both of them is crying hysterically, and after a lot of talking they're like, I want to try again. But as actual adults who've had time to grow up and have a lot of therapy. So they do, and it's good, and all their friends are like Oh thank god you two are both the stupidest motherfuckers on earth.

Halfway through the first post I realized I am half re-writing one of my fave Sherlock fics but putting it on top of She-Ra characters and adapting it to spop's plot but it'S JUST A GOOD STORy and honestly how it would actually happen

Because they were SO YOUNG in the show and neither of them had ever seen a healthy relationship modeled, ever, by anyone; and they're both heavily traumatized on top of it. And love isn't always be enough to deal with all of that. It's just not.

Me: this would make a good romance novel if we could file off the serial numbers

Also me: it's only interesting to me because it's THESE CHARACTERS like how the fuck would you include the backstory lolol

My dumb brain is like, "look I know spop ended three years ago and also, this is obviously the kind of story that AN ACTUAL ADULT writes, generally speaking; so nobody would read it, but what if you spent a year writing this"

But also half the plot feels like it's lifted from The Speed of Objects in Motion by holyfant (linked above) which is still, easily, one of my top-two Sherlock fics of all time, bc it's just so painfully realistic--they do end up together again at the end, but there's a lot off off-again/on-again and arguing and then a few years they're not together in the meantime

Anyway, re: spop: Fate and destiny are great but real happily ever afters would be so hard with everything that lead up to the end of the series

------------

>:( at myself for being like "oh it would take a year to write this" bc if I had actually done it I would be done by now pfffffft

(*Amedot)

[seijorhi]

Hey, god it’s me again. 😔 LOL

I think that at this point of my life your beautiful and flawless fic ‘means to an end’ has physical intertwined with me. It is a part of my mind, soul, and body. 😩 Everything about it is chefs kiss.

I wish I could just kiss that beautiful big brain of yours for coming up with such delicious ideas. The way it’s on my mind daily since the moment I read it is SICKENING (in a good way obvi 😏).

I will go through my day and out of nowhere something will remind me of it and along will come a question. You did this to me Rhi 🫵.

NOW I know you’re very busy with getting your new fic ready (absolutely excited btw, I love Gojo and knowing your beautiful mind , anything you write will be to die for!!!!) but I wanted to ask a couple questions (I know, shocker right?). Since I know you’re busy, don’t feel obligated to answer these questions. In fact, I’ll be very happy if you even reply with a heart. (I simply just wanted to let you know deeply I appreciate/admire your work.)

But here are my troublesome questions:

- Did the guys on their volleyball team know about their obsession with the reader?

- I know you mentioned Atsumu having girlfriends through highschool but did that apply to Osamu too? (Especially since he liked the reader first?)

- This is sort of like my first question but did the girlfriends know as well? And if they did, did they feel any jealousy? (Jealousy from their boyfriend giving his attention to someone else.)

- Since there was a long period of time of not seeing the reader, did they have hopes of seeing her again? (before Atsumu found ame)

- While in that period of time did the twins still date around?

That’s all but please if you have anything else to add , it’s definitely welcomed. 🫶 (also I’m sorry if these questions sound silly or stupid but they’ve been taking up my mind for awhile and I’m sorry to everyone for constantly bringing up ‘means to an end’ but that fic has a strong grip on me yall. Like I’m down bad on my knees for this version/fic of the Miya twins 😔.)

OFF TOPIC: I’ve been trying very hard to be more active with my favorite writers to show love and support but still find the idea to be very scary. I still get nervous sending in messages or asks but I’m trying to take baby steps. I also want to gain the confidence of not having to press the anonymous button because I want you to know who I am but as a second baby step , I will now be signing my post with my nickname since I want you to (sort of) know who I am ☺️ (and not just some crazed fan lol.)

-🌬️🌫️ katia

(I keep on forgetting which emojis I used on the previous questions I sent but I hope I got it right this time 🥲)

(Edit: you’ll probably see the same message again but that’s because I’m sending it to you again because I forgot to mention this in the pervious one 😰.

You’ve inspired me to start taking a more darker route in my writing. I began writing maybe a month ago and it’s a romance novel. (So far I’ve got two chapters 🫠).

But these past couple days I’ve been REALL REALLY wanting to write more darker content (like the kind you write, you’ve inspired me a great deal with your writing technique).

But the problem is I don’t know how to write yandere/horror/gore. So I was wondering if it wasn’t to much of a bother, if you could give me some tips or advice. (Im very new to writing and I have my struggles but I want to branch out to more darker themes, like you and fairy.) Still learning the ropes but I hope with your guidance, I’ll get there 🫡. )

hello my love!

okay so first of all if ur gonna keep being so cute and complimentary i will melt into a soft gooey puddle and be of no use to anybody so be warned.

as for your questions:

i would say that most people who spent a decent amount of time around the twins, i.e. their teammates and classmates, would have at least an inkling about their interest in bullying her. the miyas are many things, subtle isn't one of them. having said that, i think out of everyone, suna was probably the only one who saw it for what it was

hookups yes, 'girlfriends' no

again, anyone who spent a significant amount of time around the twins was bound to eventually put two and two together. which isn't to say that they were all blind going in – some undoubtedly thought they could snag his attention once they were officially dating, only to find themselves bitterly disappointed

they 100% both kept tabs on the reader, it was more a case of biding their time and waiting for the right moment

yes. not serious, long term relationships (aside from ame) as neither one of them would be capable of faking it for more than a few months but relationships all the same

advice wise, i dug up this old post which hopefully will be at least a little helpful??

beyond that, all i can really say is that for me, good yandere/horror fics balance emotion with tension, and the build up of both. the characterisation is also really important – what makes you love to loathe them, or alternatively, not see them coming until it's entirely too late. nothing bores me more in a yan fic than when the writer hasn't bothered to give their yan a personality beyond a cookie cutter obsession.

but congrats on getting started with writing! i'm proud of you bby <33

[voxofthevoid]

Hey, I actually don't know if you've ever answered the question I'm going to ask (I'm like 90% sure you did lol), but you're very active on Tumblr, so I couldn't find an updated direct response 😅 - have you ever considered to post more often on ao3, not just one chapter for each work you're currently posting? From my understanding, all JJK and Marvel works you have on a current schedule are finished? And don't get me wrong - of course you have life and I don't mean you SHOULD post everything all at once, but as a fic writer myself - I do not have a patience to sit on my works for long! Like I need to share my obsession I have with certain ships ASAP. For example, your Shibuya Swap fic - someone already picked on that too - will take 2 years to post! That's insane, I don't know if I would like my own stuff in 2 years enough to not feel embarrassed about it and delete, and you will be coming back to it on a monthly basis for 2 years at best, 2.5 at worst, if something will not change the schedule by that time.

Or could it be, that those works aren't actually *finished* it's just that you have a general idea or "drafts" how will it start, progress and end?

I really admire your consistency though, but sometimes can't help myself, but think "Man, I wish you'd post *that* fic more often, it's SO good!" Or post like one fic, just 3-5 chapters of it in a month or sum. But alas, I will restrain myself from begging on my knees in the ao3 comments, because I can understand how annoying it can get, FAST (I dealt with certain people there, too).

Have a great day and please don't take this question as an attack, I'm just a desperate fan of yours, who can't even mind my own business most of the time due to being an ANNOYING person with ADHD lmfao🙏

You WILL see me generally commenting *OMG SO GOOD WOW HOLD UP* gibberish on your works, though (it is a threat).

Haha, don't worry, I won't bite your head off for this. No offense taken or attack interpreted 💜

I have answered a few versions of this question before, twice in relation to JJK and at least once in relation to MCU. They're all somewhere in this tag (link only works in browsers), and the former two will be more recent...but well, that tag has 127 pages of results and Tumblr search sucks balls; even I can't find my posts most of the time, so I definitely don't expect others to. But I did hunt down the most recent one: https://voxofthevoid.tumblr.com/post/746745605036064768/hey-i-was-wondering-why-you-post-one-chapter-a

As for stuff you've asked that's not covered in that answer—

My works are all finished, not just drafts. The "plot bunnies" I talk about are outlines of varying detail, but the fics I'm posting to Ao3 as well as the fics I've posted in previous WIP Wednesday installments are all complete. They need editing, but my first drafts are essentially my final drafts. I proofread to catch typos and grammar errors and to generally polish the phrasing. My day job is editing, which means I'm extremely lazy about editing my leisure writing, but I manage a decent pass.

Regarding how I feel about my work years down the line: I've more or less settled into my writing style. It's still changing and growing, and I enjoy experiments and challenges, but the base quality is at a level I'm content with in terms of both prose and mechanical elements. I'm not embarrassed by anything I've written after 2018, and I don't really see that changing. I will always see the flaws prominently, both objective and subjective ones, but I'll also see the strengths. The older fics (2014–2018) are of significantly poorer quality as well as clumsily executed in many, many ways, but I'm still proud of my ideas and absolutely delighted by how they still entertain so many people. Regardless of my personal feelings toward my writing at a given time, I won't delete my fics.

As for patience, I am indeed patient 🤣. Well, for a year or so, I've been posting snippets from whatever I'm currently working on as WIP Wednesday posts, so I am actively sharing the pieces that I'm working on, but I'm pretty comfortable with sitting on the full stories for months or even years. It just doesn't bother me.

The only issue with how I build a backlog is that once I lose interest in the ship/fandom, my posting slows down, and I get 100 times lazier about editing—to the point I'll likely post the rest of my MCU and Bleach works all raw and dirty. One of the reasons I'm posting as much as I do for JJK is that I'd like to avoid a similar fate in this fandom. Fool's errand with how my inspiration and writing function, but hey, no harm in trying.

And, in line with the post I've linked above, even if I had fewer fics on the roster, my pace would remain a chapter a month per fic. Let's say I suddenly stop writing and also whittle my backlog down to only 2 fics: That won't mean I'll post 3 chapters each for those 2 fics every month; I'll still only post twice a month in total—one chapter from each fic.

As long as no one's being rude or entitled (I've seen some asinine takes about prewritten fics being posted slowly), I consider people wanting more of specific stories as a compliment! However, you'll have to be patient right along with me 😂

And that's a wonderful threat; I look forward to it 🥰

[alegocarmadein]

Long read ahead I do warn.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Somber. Morose. Melancholy. Those three are my holy grail of insane meanings.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Yeah my own work, the Shaman was too late. So, I wrote it in 2021. Very beginning of 2021. I had just been put on bupropian, after years of trying anti-depressants, it finally worked. Slowly. But I still had psychosis, so I'm getting less depressed but I'm still psychotic. And literally the last day of 2020 into the early hours of Jan 1st 2021, I listened to (and binged) Kane and Feels. Obsessed. FUCKING OBSESSED. IMMEDIATELY. But I was off of social media in its entirety, so I had one (1) person to scream at and she was busy in school and shit. So I turn my mind to fanfiction. Psychosis is a BITCH. It robbed me of my memory during and after, it made me paranoid, and a horrible insomniac. So I sit in my room and formulate this plot in the early hours of morning, just muttering to myself. This weird story that would not ever truly make sense but vaguely had a plot and a destination. And I wrote it! And because my memory was so terribly dogshit, every night and every morning, in between edits and writing fits, I would read it. Uh. Out loud. It took hours to read, partially because of how long it was, partially because my reading skills were close to non existent. For a while I considered making a podfic of it to go along with it, but I didn't have recording equipment or money! I was really isolated and spent well over a hundred, maybe two hundred hours on a 13k fic. My writing skills at the time were…diminished, and far from polished, so it took a lot of edits to make it readable. But it was my baby. It was the first fic I'd truly fallen in love with of my own. And eventually I posted it and didn't hate it like all of my others. I would reread it every month, sometimes every week after, checking for errors (of which there were many). Again, my baby. And still, I consider it one of my best fics, this fic I wrote in between 16 hour sleeps, interrupted often by hallucinations and paranoia attacks. And its just terribly special to me, because I know it so very well. I spent two months writing it, and I love that fic, truly. 

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Okay its not really a subject matter, but fluff? So hard. Don't get me wrong, I can come up with it and put it on paper….but keeping it around is sooooo very hard. I am very much a kill-the-part-of-you-that-cringes, but with kaf especially….eeek. Like the first bit of physical affection I think we've ever been aware of them doing is in the end of WHY, right? So writing close affection is like….babe no, this is Kane we're talking about. but….I think I've had enough independent events/developments (character wise) through my string of fics that I can stretch the lines a bit and put in a little affection here and there. Not super shippy either, just…"holy fuck I'm so glad you're alive that really sucked man." oh and verbal affection is a BITCH. Dude NO. I can't. it never sounds reasonable. I can't do fluffy I CAN'T DO FLUFFY. I'M A MAN OF ANGST DEAR READER. ANGST. Anyway, I wrote a fic about them waltzing. You should read it. And I'm also really proud of the next of kin scene in Next of Kin.

And memory related magic trauma whatzits are my favorite thing to write. I have it so many fics of mine. Psychosis <3 you are so fun to write about, my beloathed.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This is from The Shaman was too late, near the very end.

"Lucifer Kane is standing on a cliff, overseeing a hazy ocean with a soft lavender-grey sky. Distant golden-grey light shines through the clouds, and the smell of salt and a gust of a warm, ocean breeze puts him at ease."

First off, full name, this is serious talk. Usually I call him Kane, Lucifer when I'm trying to make a point, full name is for introductions and endings. The present tense is something I very rarely do, I generally get tripped up with present tense. The only other time recently I've used it is in Next of Kin at the very end of chapter 4-7, where Kane notices Brutus and is back in the present moment. Weird choice. And I don't really know why I had such a clear image of the hazy ocean with the golden light, streaming down, crepuscular rays (god's rays) streaming from the cloud, but still hazy. The lavender grey was such a spur of the moment thing while I was writing it, it's the color theme for the fic, the other worlds are lavender grey all over. I knew I wanted an emotional yet…like…quiet moment for them being reunited? Keep in mind at that point only season one and WHO, the first ep of season two had been put out, so no hand squeezes, no ocean, not yet, no reuniting, and I didn't know if kaf would ever be coming back. Sigh. Rough times. Well the scene at least hit dyn hard enough for them to make some really baller art of that scene, so I'm happy.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so…..so much. Most of the time at least. Big fics are almost guaranteed to have a separate notes document with a general outline, to keep my ideas on track. You usually find them in the final end note on the fic, though occasionally they're too messy to really share. This is actually what has tripped me up so bad with the sequel to Next of Kin that I've been working on FOR A FUCKING YEAR NOW, JESUS, is that I wrote an outline for an ending, went a completely different direction, wrote a new outline, then changed it again and now I'm super duper stuck and have no clue how to get to the end. :\ 

It's a document with bullet points or checkboxes with short plot points and weird details/characters/places I want to add. I ignore them at my will. I actually do enjoy it…for any other fic than the elphame fic. jesus.

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

a fucken weirdo. Not like. WEIRD weirdo, just a weirdo. like, that artist who did the beautiful, colorful cat potraits that look very interesting? the one who had schizophrenia so now everyone attributes the weirder ones to his mental illness instead of to his creative ability? louis wain? I feel like they'd attribute all the weirder stuff I write to mental illness, when instead that was hand crafted and delivered by my loving, not-really-stable-i-kinda-have-a-tremor-but-lets-pretend hands.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/Louis_wain_cats.png)

(my ao3) https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlegoCarmadein/profile

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

(Not my poem (rest of the post is a poem))

Ode to Silence by Edna St. Vincent Millay

---

Aye, but she?

Your other sister and my other soul

Grave Silence, lovelier

Than the three loveliest maidens, what of her?

Clio, not you,

Not you, Calliope,

Nor all your wanton line,

Not Beauty's perfect self shall comfort me

For Silence once departed,

For her the cool-tongued, her the tranquil-hearted,

Whom evermore I follow wistfully,

Wandering Heaven and Earth and Hell and the four seasons through;

Thalia, not you,

Not you, Melpomene,

Not your incomparable feet, O thin Terpsichore, I seek in this great hall,

But one more pale, more pensive, most beloved of you all.

I seek her from afar,

I come from temples where her altars are,

From groves that bear her name,

Noisy with stricken victims now and sacrificial flame,

And cymbals struck on high and strident faces

Obstreperous in her praise

They neither love nor know,

A goddess of gone days,

Departed long ago,

Abandoning the invaded shrines and fanes

Of her old sanctuary,

A deity obscure and legendary,

Of whom there now remains,

For sages to decipher and priests to garble,

Only and for a little while her letters wedged in marble,

Which even now, behold, the friendly mumbling rain erases,

And the inarticulate snow,

Leaving at last of her least signs and traces

None whatsoever, nor whither she is vanished from these places.

"She will love well," I said,

"If love be of that heart inhabiter,

The flowers of the dead;

The red anemone that with no sound

Moves in the wind, and from another wound

That sprang, the heavily-sweet blue hyacinth,

That blossoms underground,

And sallow poppies, will be dear to her.

And will not Silence know

In the black shade of what obsidian steep

Stiffens the white narcissus numb with sleep?

(Seed which Demeter's daughter bore from home,

Uptorn by desperate fingers long ago,

Reluctant even as she,

Undone Persephone,

And even as she set out again to grow

In twilight, in perdition's lean and inauspicious loam).

She will love well," I said,

"The flowers of the dead;

Where dark Persephone the winter round,

Uncomforted for home, uncomforted,

Lacking a sunny southern slope in northern Sicily,

With sullen pupils focussed on a dream,

Stares on the stagnant stream

That moats the unequivocable battlements of Hell,

There, there will she be found,

She that is Beauty veiled from men and Music in a swound."

"I long for Silence as they long for breath

Whose helpless nostrils drink the bitter sea;

What thing can be

So stout, what so redoubtable, in Death

What fury, what considerable rage, if only she,

Upon whose icy breast,

Unquestioned, uncaressed,

One time I lay,

And whom always I lack,

Even to this day,

Being by no means from that frigid bosom weaned away,

If only she therewith be given me back?"

I sought her down that dolorous labyrinth,

Wherein no shaft of sunlight ever fell,

And in among the bloodless everywhere

I sought her, but the air,

Breathed many times and spent,

Was fretful with a whispering discontent,

And questioning me, importuning me to tell

Some slightest tidings of the light of day they know no more,

Plucking my sleeve, the eager shades were with me where I went.

I paused at every grievous door,

And harked a moment, holding up my hand,—and for a space

A hush was on them, while they watched my face;

And then they fell a-whispering as before;

So that I smiled at them and left them, seeing she was not there.

I sought her, too,

Among the upper gods, although I knew

She was not like to be where feasting is,

Nor near to Heaven's lord,

Being a thing abhorred

And shunned of him, although a child of his,

(Not yours, not yours; to you she owes not breath,

Mother of Song, being sown of Zeus upon a dream of Death).

Fearing to pass unvisited some place

And later learn, too late, how all the while,

With her still face,

She had been standing there and seen me pass, without a smile,

I sought her even to the sagging board whereat

The stout immortals sat;

But such a laughter shook the mighty hall

No one could hear me say:

Had she been seen upon the Hill that day?

And no one knew at all

How long I stood, or when at last I sighed and went away.

There is a garden lying in a lull

Between the mountains and the mountainous sea,

I know not where, but which a dream diurnal

Paints on my lids a moment till the hull

Be lifted from the kernel

And Slumber fed to me.

Your foot-print is not there, Mnemosene,

Though it would seem a ruined place and after

Your lichenous heart, being full

Of broken columns, caryatides

Thrown to the earth and fallen forward on their jointless knees,

And urns funereal altered into dust

Minuter than the ashes of the dead,

And Psyche's lamp out of the earth up-thrust,

Dripping itself in marble wax on what was once the bed

Of Love, and his young body asleep, but now is dust instead.

There twists the bitter-sweet, the white wisteria Fastens its fingers in the strangling wall,

And the wide crannies quicken with bright weeds;

There dumbly like a worm all day the still white orchid feeds;

But never an echo of your daughters' laughter

Is there, nor any sign of you at all

Swells fungous from the rotten bough, grey mother of Pieria!

Only her shadow once upon a stone

I saw,—and, lo, the shadow and the garden, too, were gone.

I tell you you have done her body an ill,

You chatterers, you noisy crew!

She is not anywhere!

I sought her in deep Hell;

And through the world as well;

I thought of Heaven and I sought her there;

Above nor under ground

Is Silence to be found,

That was the very warp and woof of you,

Lovely before your songs began and after they were through!

Oh, say if on this hill

Somewhere your sister's body lies in death,

So I may follow there, and make a wreath

Of my locked hands, that on her quiet breast

Shall lie till age has withered them!

                             (Ah, sweetly from the rest

I see

Turn and consider me

Compassionate Euterpe!)

"There is a gate beyond the gate of Death,

Beyond the gate of everlasting Life,

Beyond the gates of Heaven and Hell," she saith,

"Whereon but to believe is horror!

Whereon to meditate engendereth

Even in deathless spirits such as I

A tumult in the breath,

A chilling of the inexhaustible blood

Even in my veins that never will be dry,

And in the austere, divine monotony

That is my being, the madness of an unaccustomed mood.

This is her province whom you lack and seek;

And seek her not elsewhere.

Hell is a thoroughfare

For pilgrims,—Herakles,

And he that loved Euridice too well,

Have walked therein; and many more than these;

And witnessed the desire and the despair

Of souls that passed reluctantly and sicken for the air;

You, too, have entered Hell,

And issued thence; but thence whereof I speak

None has returned;—for thither fury brings

Only the driven ghosts of them that flee before all things.

Oblivion is the name of this abode: and she is there."

Oh, radiant Song! Oh, gracious Memory!

Be long upon this height

I shall not climb again!

I know the way you mean,—the little night,

And the long empty day,—never to see

Again the angry light,

Or hear the hungry noises cry my brain!

Ah, but she,

Your other sister and my other soul,

She shall again be mine;

And I shall drink her from a silver bowl,

A chilly thin green wine,

Not bitter to the taste,

Not sweet,

Not of your press, oh, restless, clamorous nine,—

To foam beneath the frantic hoofs of mirth—

But savoring faintly of the acid earth,

And trod by pensive feet

From perfect clusters ripened without haste

Out of the urgent heat

In some clear glimmering vaulted twilight under the odorous vine.

Lift up your lyres! Sing on!

But as for me, I seek your sister whither she is gone.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you’ve always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

[jakowskis]

Loved ‘an ugly picture, you & me’ so so much. Srsly I read it like 10 times and still won’t get tired of it. It’s such a great piece of writing. Now my question: Do you already if ur gonna post more Torchwood fanfic?? (no pressure obv, writing is so so hard and I admire everyone who actually manages to finish their stories).

oh my goodness thank you so much 🥺 that means the world to me im so glad you liked it so much

man ok so. heres the thing. djkfds aaa idek how to talk abt this it makes me feel stupid fdshkfj. basically i have dx'd ocd and it affects my writing process a Lot. im exceptionally critical n perfectionistic when it comes to my writing, and when my ocd's at its worse, i can reread things literally hundreds of times. this makes my editing process a fucking nightmare. an ugly picture was... a Journey, i wrote the bulk of it in like a month or two bc i was Inspired, and that period of inspiration just flowing was super nice - but then i spent literally half a year obsessing over editing and figuring out a few sections i couldnt get to work and it was. rlly rlly unhealthy and messy. like that was a stereotypical Mentally Ill Artist™ moment for me 😭 i was unmedicated during that process and honestly im still impressed with myself for managing to finish and post it anyway.

and after posting it... this might not make sense unless u have ocd but that fic is, like, tainted in my head, and im not allowed to touch it as a result. which is RLLY fucking annoying and sad bc i wrote it for Me and it was a labor of love yanno, and i am proud of it, like during writing i was like 'man this is one of the best things ive written, im genuinely proud of this' and ive gotten some absolutely wonderful reception - but i cant exactly place why, idk if it was the torment of the editing process or a fear of experiencing that specific brand of anxiety again (if i reread it and run into errors it might kill me 😭)... either way at this point in time im legitimately unable to revisit that fic. and its been like this since i posted it, so... for nearly five months ;-; and im kind of having a similar experience with torchwood as a whole tbh. like my whole fandom experience + relationship with this fixation has been bastardized to all hell bc of ocd issues. it all feels very... dirty right now.

which fucking sucks, cuz torchwood's one of my fav fixations ive ever had, it became so important to me so fast and it's probably hit special interest territory at this point - but it sucks what a thin line it is between obsessing over a hyperfixation, and compulsively engaging with something. it sucks when the serotonin u get from smth also gets laced with pervasive anxiety. my recent main issue with ocd has been avoidance - i went from obsessively going thru torchwood clips to being unable to watch it at all bc the very thought of doing so makes me so anxious.

(so, tldr? my mental illness garbage is interfering w my interests and my ability to engage with fandom, to my chagrin, and that's why i haven't posted anything else.)

that being said: between april 2023 and now i have written 180k words of torchwood fanfic. im endlessly fascinated and inspired by these characters, particularly by owen who has lowkey proven to be my muse lol. (he sits in my mind palace on top of a, like, literal fancy ass corinthian pedestal and his one job is to sit still n look pretty and sad but instead he snarks down at me every time i walk passed and in return i squirt a water gun at him and occasionally throw tomatoes at him. it's a very mutually loving relationship.) and 180k words in, and literally hundreds of hours spent thinking about and talking about tw/owen, and im still fascinated by it/him, there are still soooo many things i wanna explore through writing with these characters that i adore so much. 57k of the 180k words is part of what will eventually be a sequel series to an ugly picture (which is meant to be a stand-alone, for the record, but towards the end of the writing process i went "Hm. Actually I Have More Ideas", and it became a whole 'verse heh). problem is i dont rmr the fic enough to continue the first sequel and currently i cant revisit it and take notes 🤡 so that project's on hold. as for the other stuff, it's a good mix of misc one-shots and full-on projects, and several things are pretty much done and could, if i were anyone else, easily be polished and posted.

but, as ive made clear, unfortunately writing (well, revising + editing) is an absolute nightmare for me. now, im recently back on medication after nearly two years of rawdogging it, and ive been having issues with that fff (namely constant pervasive exhaustion) - but im working to figure out a happy medium, so im HOPING, hell, praying, that once i level out ill be able to open my docs and sit down and finish things without it being a goddamn ordeal. editing's not rlly fun for anyone, but it fucking sucks when your absolute favorite hobby + mode of expression gets terrorized by a wiggity wack disorder.

first order of business, once im able, is a 15k owen/andy fic that's literally 90% done. i wanted to post it in june, for pride month, and then my brain decided to convince me i wasnt being coherent in the slightest and i was like, nah, i cannot make myself soldier through the editing project this time, i dont want this to get ruined the same way. but hopefully soon i can drop that and it will be epic and such 😎

so in summation uh (sorry im a known babbler fdshk but this is what happens when u send an ask to someone who wrote a 30k fic where literally nothing happens KJFSD. also sorry for literally trauma dumping unprompted 😭 i did the white woman in the kmart thing) ive written a ton of torchwood fic and i 100% intend to write a ton more but mental illness garbage is trying to sabotage shit so basically im taking a break from trying to post any of it until my brain lets me enjoy my damn interest in relative peace 👍but i definitely have a lot more fic on the way. just might take a while for it to see the light of day. hopefully not that long

anyway thank you again so so so much for liking the fic enough to read it multiple times that means so much to meee. i hope to have more for u soon :))

[onbeinganangel]

artists self rec! when you get this, reply with your favourite five arts/sets/edits/gifs that you've done, then pass on to at least five other people. time to shine and spread some self-love and appreciation 🥰 <3

omg sia, hi!!! it feels so special to get this question from you, the very first person i ever chatted to when i first fell into the drarry rabbit hole 💛💛💛

i’ve not embroidered fic recs in a while (though i have just finished a GORGEOUS commission i can share soon!!) but i think about it a lot. so this is gonna be a bit of little end of the year introspective look at my work. here are my favourite five embroidery projects i’ve done:

fic rec for almost heaven by M0stlyVoid

(original post here) — i just love how this one came out! i love the simplicity of the hands and the wee plait that i made! i fucked up my entire back doing this in 6 hours because i’m a mess but i still think it was totally worth it. this is also responsible for my obsession with embroidering hands (may it live forever) so, again, totally worth it!!

fic rec for Running on Air by eleventy7

(original post here) — this fic will never not be special. these were a lot of work but they remind me of a very special summer and autumn of sitting in the park embroidering and i love that they’re a set of two, with the iconic landscapes. i just love how they are different but complement each other! it makes me think i’d love to make more matching sets actually 👀

3. fic rec for Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid

(original post here) — i think i love this one specifically because of how experimental it is. i love the gauzy base fabric, the cotton wool, the textured moon. i keep meaning to play with fabric more and haven’t done it as much as i wish, but i really enjoy looking at all the textures in this one

fic rec for Among Ancient Pines by Theartfulldodger

(original post here) — talk about texture!! this was one of those that took AGES and a lot of patience to keep going and going and going with the same bloody stitch. a lot of textile art is trusting the process, and this one put me through it a bit. i love the end result so much though! it's so colourful and bright and i love that i even made the wee trees at the bottom work, which was terrifying after spending so many hours on the base layer haha

fic rec for The Last of What the World Left You by xanthippe74

(original post here) — i mean, look at this wee fella, how could i not love him to death 🥺 i LOVE filling in colour with long and short stitch. satin stitch is satisfying but i just love the depth and dimension long and short stitch give pieces. until this piece though, i'd never dared do it in darker colours! i think it takes a lot more finesse and you can lose a lot of detail with the darker thread. i took a chance because i really, REALLY wanted to embroider HIM specifically for xanthippe's fic, and the effort absolutely paid off. i am no longer scared of darker colours and he makes me smile every time i see him

this got super long to no one's surprise but it was a pleasure to look at these! i think i tend to overanalyse (and worry over) my writing a lot more than i do my embroidery so this was really fun! thank you again <3