#am i saying it's okay? no ofc but it happens way more often than people are led to believe

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

A boytoy doesn't serve any purpose other than being a masturbatory object as that's precisely what the other person, usually an older woman, wants him for. He is fine with it as long as she rewards him with money and all sorts of material gifts in return (most of the women in these types of relationships are sugar mamas). All he has to do is be young, physically attractive and have a functioning penis.

[thesmpisonfire]

Okay so, I wanna talk about my sonboy Richas, my guy Felps, their relationship, and everything about yesterday as well

So, lets go :D

First thing, Felps actually really don't like taking care of Richas when he's without his armor

Felps has the terrible memory of being the one (together with Cellbit) to watch Richas first death. The three were at a cave and Felps and Cellbit were taken down first and had to watch Richas getting swarmed and die far from their grasp

The death was reverted, but still, when Felps logged in next time, Richas had JUST died to the bull again, so he already had 1 life. It was the very same day, just a couple hours after. Felps always reinforced about the armor, to the point he didn't let Richas take it off even when safe at Foolishs place when he could see Leo didn't wear it

Felps fucking loves that kid, he's just the quieter dad. He won't scream that much, when he panics, he shuts down and focus on the problem. He's the best dad to talk about feelings and often is the one who talks Richas out of his spiraling self deprecating thoughts, while other dads don't have the same touch

Felps has the patience to talk with Richas and hear Richas points. He always is the one talking him into a shower even if it takes a whole trip beforehand so Richas can have fun before it. He sings a lil song to get him through a shower. Ever since he came back from the lab, he trusts Richas a lot with his own strength, he knows Richas can defend himself even better than Felps can defend himself

It means a lot that Felps is the only dad Richas will listen to more easily, even if sometimes it takes a lot of talk and bargain to do so. Richas is a difficult kid, he channels all his sadness and pain into being silly and overly courageous, which means he will be a disobedient kid, he will put himself in danger, he won't listen to his dads if he can make a joke about it and it has been getting worse lately

Richas is Not doing okay, he's constantly scared of losing the ones he love, he feels easily replaceable which makes him panic and act out in 'jealousy'. He has said before he fears his siblings don't really like him and it's why he always wants to have family around, he knows he's a problem and has even apologized to Bad about it once. He thinks he can't express his love through words when he has written so many beautiful things, he paints bc its how he thinks he can better translate his care

Yesterday, after Bad took him and Felps to the graveyard and out of it, Richas went back with Felps and put some flowers around their graves. A small talk started when Felps wondered if the dead eggs were looking down at them, but also couldn't really believe it because they'd be too far up there to actually see anything. Richas then said how people used to tell him Bobby was up in between the stars, but they stopped telling him that 'story'. Then, this talk happened

"Do you think they'd [Dead eggs Richas never met] like me?"

"Ofc they would! Everyone loves you! They'd love you, Richas"

"If I had died today, would I meet them?"

Felps goes quiet for a couple seconds here, then goes back to talking

"Maybe, maybe not. We can never be sure, Richas. What if you died and it's just nothing after, huh? It's a big bet. You can't keep thinking like that and then go throw yourself in front of a zombie horse to find out if they're at the other side"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to annoy all the dads, it wouldn't be worth it... I'd miss you all so much" (He used the word saudade)

"Awwn... But you would be dead, Richas. We would be the ones missing you, we would be the ones staying behind"

And to me this is a very telling moment. Because Richas didn't realize people would miss him as well, he just thought about how he'd miss being with the others. He also says how he'd be in hell, missing his family but also laughing at tragedy. When Felps asks why hell, Richas goes "You really think I'd end up in heaven? With the way I am?"

Felps spends the rest of the stream hyping Richas up, telling him how much he's loved and how much everyone cares for him. Felps manages to get through Richas after a while, and they have a nice moment together. Richas already arrived to the square without armor, after having recently argued with Forever about it, and Felps didn't mind bc that area was all lightened up so less mobs were spawning, plus the aforementioned trusts he has on Richas

No one expected the horse because it came from outside the square, right out the border, and literally fell on top of them. Felps was quick to go after it, and Richas was caught out of surprise and got height damage as well, eating through 2 totems (and also having to switch out the other ones from his hand due to the rule)

Felps was smart about the horse, he always hit up high so there wouldn't be any risk of a misclick, he hit crit after crit pushing the horse away so he could better kill it without risking Richas, and he did it! I understand BBHs scare but everything was already solved and Richas was halfway being revived already

If anything, the trip to the cemetery scared Felps more than it did Richas. Richas is well used to the threat of death, he plays with it by jumping into mines and purposefully walking without armor around Forever. But Felps isn't. He wants his kid safe, he wants him alive. Felps was willing to never come back if it meant Richas could have an extra life, he would die over and over for that kid

After everything, he talked with Richas, and the kid didn't rlly need to be convinced to wear his armor now that he knew how the square can be tricky. Felps didn't need to yell, or compare Richas to anyone, or play lil games. Just a talk, and Felps' trust that Richa would now do his part, and he did!

Each mob they encountered next, Richas and Felps stayed side by side. Felps let Richas kill them first bc he knows Richas likes it, but always helping and telling him how he was doing it well. When they were rowing around later in the boat, music playing, Felps went on about how it was all that mattered

Richas was alive, Felps was alive, they got a scare but they were okay now. And it was all worth it for these calm, happy moments. These were the ones that should be remembered, the ones that made it all worth it

[venjt]

A form of SH? (Self-harm?)

I wouldn't say it's a form of self-harm. Actually, the opposite! It's a form of self-care! From my experience and from friends' experiences, it's a coping mechanism that helps with our trauma. If antis, think we're making fun of the problematic themes that's far, far from truth, and a very harsh thing to think! If people make fun of problematic situations, then that's a problem, and I wouldn't want to associate myself with such a person.

I hope Antis knows that proships are against harassment in general and respect others with different opinions. (Or they should be. That's the definition, lol.) If a proshipper is threatening you, then they're just a shit person and don't belong in a no harassment zone while harassing. Yet somehow, I often see antis like to use their catchphrase "KYS" all the time. I find such attitude to be awful no matter proship/anti/neutral whatever. Harassment is bad. No one deserves to be called a "good person" if someone says awful things to other human beings.

But like I said, it's a selfcare kind of activity in fiction. It's a safe way to control or explore the dark themes in fiction. It's a healthy way to express the trauma without hurting oneself or others. Some antis don't know this, but when you've experienced trauma, it has to come out somehow one way or another. People don't necessarily HAVE to like dark themes to express or cope with their trauma. Everyone copes differently. Some happen to enjoy / cope with taboo subjects in the fictional space. Which there is no shame. Your fictional taste does not reflect your morals (obviously, lol).

This brings me to another topic, Antis, who believes that if a proship likes the taboo subjects in fiction (ex: incest, age gap, what else? Victim and murder? Lol, there's so much that antis doesn't like.), that it means they like it in real life. That's, again, untrue. Your fictional interest doesn't mean you like it in real life. So that brings the question, "Why do they like it in fiction then?". Well, like I said before, often, it's a coping mechanism. Other times, people just like it in the fictional world. Perhaps there's more or less to it, but it's not anyone's job to understand the why. And if you find it uncomfortable thats complety valid! There are some things I find uncomfortable. That's when we have the power to block and remove ourselves from looking and reading things that we are not okay with. LITERALLY. Like we don't have to intrude a "problematic" artists media if we KNOW what they draw! Or read something that says "non-con warning" or anything WITH a WARNING SIGN THATS THE POINT OF WARNING SIGNS AAAH ⚠️

My thing is, if you're a nice person who respects others and doesn't harm others, then you're good in my book lol I don't understand furries, but if they never hurt a person or never been disrespectful to your surroundings then you're gucci. I have some friends who I don't understand their fictional world, but they've been nothing but sweet to me. Who am I to judge their fictional interest if they as a person treat me better than many other actual human beings lol

Also

Proshippers are aware of what's right and what's wrong in real life. We don't like predators, or incest, or victim x murderers in real life. DUH! Antis, we're on the same page. We don't like those kinds of people! We keep telling them, but somehow, many of them can't differentiate reality and fiction, which to me I find that to be a very, VERY big problem in today's time. If the line of fiction and reality is blurred, then how can people express their creative freedom without having to take a chance of being a "problematic person" or getting accused of harsh things. Also HOW YA GONNA FACE REALITY WHEN RENT IS DUE NEXT WEEK?! If a person is a problem to another human being, then that's valid to stand up and speak out. Uh, with evidence ofc. Don't just spread around "so and so is a Predat0r because they like so and so ship." Fiction isn't evidence. People will look at you weird if you claim a person is a problem and provide a drawing of Plantcest LMAO. People are gonna be confused why you're showing a drawing to them.

Policing others on what's right and wrong in a FICTIONAL SPACE like that's a problem itself! They're fighting ghost problems and threatening REAL PEOPLE for their interests, and that doesn't sound like a healthy space for anyone. Activism is good, but to the fictional space where it doesn't affect people in their day to day life if very concerning. Hence, why people say "touch grass".

Not every proshippers are good people. Just like not every antis are good people. Every group have their problems. This whole black and white view is unrealistic. No one is perfect. No victim is perfect. No "unproblematic" person is perfect. The world is grey or as I like the world is rainbow.

This is very long lol

In conclusion, proshippers aren't self harming for indulging dark themes. It's a self-help (many therapists would recommend it). Self-harm is threatening others and policing others what YOU think is okay or not. Self harm is also avoiding your trauma and avoiding your fictional interest because others pressure you to think how they do. You're a person with your own mind. Allow yourself to express how you do and don't let others tell you how to think, feel, and tell you what to do. You're human. I'm human.

FICTION ≠ REALITY and be kind to each other! There's more to life than to get mad over what others like lol take a chill pill and think about what you want to make of this world!

Okay, have a great day, yall!

[statementlou]

i’m sorry to bring this up again, but i wanted to ask how are you making sense of harry having his former girlfriend’s name tattooed on his thigh if you don’t think they were really together? i’m not a larrie and i follow you for your louis content, but i respect your opinions, so i guess i’m coming more from a place of curiosity rather than seeking reassurance. do you not even entertain for one second the idea that you might’ve been wrong about things? that harry was really in a relationship with olivia? that he might actually be attracted to women? that he might’ve been with louis once upon a time but not anymore? have you ever challenged your confirmation bias? again, i’m not trying to attack you, i really just want to understand where you stand. i hope u don’t take this the wrong way.

well first of all you bring up the very good point that there are actually multiple Qs at play and not just one, despite the fandom's (and my) attempts to simplify things. I personally am open to the possibility that Harry and Louis are no longer together- we don't have enough info to say for sure either way about that, and I am constantly recalibrating and considering and I'm going to be totally honest, getting flat out ANNOYED at how often I find myself being like oh damn they ARE still (or again) together ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Because it seems so improbable and illogical! You think I don't KNOW I sound fucking crazy?! Absolutely infuriating, and yet there are just all these little Things all the time. Plus ofc the fact that they both constantly wink wink larrie stuff to the fandom which could just be playing to the crowd... except then they both continually take it that little extra way that makes me go oh but... you really didn't NEED to go THERE that seems VERY pointed?? But also sometimes I go well. Okay, maybe not. Since they both seem super happy at this point, it doesn't stress me out to think they might have split, the way it would if they seemed miserable and were still churning out heartbreak songs, but it's schrodingers relationship and with all the savvy they've acquired around this stuff and all the balls they're keeping in the air wrt to fandom etc that's unlikely to change in favor of us knowing anything for sure for a very long time, if ever. But I do not doubt that they WERE together, it's simply not realistic. The evidence of it is overwhelming and imo undeniable when taken all together. And the thing is that knowing one thing with certainty (that they were together back when), having really looked at the things that happened during that time, does actually have a lot of bearing on the rest of it even if they aren't together anymore. Because knowing that and having seen the way fake relationships to make them seem straight were managed back then means that when I see the EXACT SAME things being done in the current day, like they are working from a fucking blueprint, no, I don't look at that and think it might be real. I know that Louis and Eleanor wasn't real in... whenever they allegedly got together lol, that story still isn't even quite straight, so why would I believe they were together in 2020? And if I know Louis has a tattoo for a fake girlfriend why would it change my mind about a million things I can see with my own eyes if Harry did the same (if indeed he even has who tf knows)? So despite what I said at the beginning, in the end it kind of does just come down to the one question people are always asking, are you a larrie? Because when you've actually been down the rabbit hole of details that ends up with you saying yes to that question, it's like acquiring a rosetta stone that unlocks the ability to read everything else, like putting on xray glasses, and I look at what is so obviously a publicity relationship (holivia) and whether H and L are still together has nothing to do with why I don't think it's real. Like could a celeb relationship be both used in typical ways for publicity and be or become real on some level (looking at you Liam, heyyy), sure, but for this question the fact that I have never seen Harry show the slightest sign of attraction to a woman in his whole life and he so clearly embraces and identifies so strongly with gay male culture in every possible way and never shuts up about how much he loves cock does play into my thinking; I simply do not think he is attracted to women, no, and I have yet to see him do anything that doesn't seem consistent with things a closeted pop star might chose to do. So in conclusion yes I have challenged my bias and decided I'm right lol! But for real- all the time I consider that they perhaps aren't together but that isn't really the point when it comes to believing they are gay.

[youremyheaven]

https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/763022039299866624/im-convinced-that-all-the-girls-dating-rat-looking

I AGREE I AGREE GODDDD I AGREE SO BADLY

nevermind looks— i could personally fall for almost anyone’s looks because imo if i am attracted enough to a person, i in turn find their PHYSICAL self attractive too, even if it isn’t what i would immediately list as an “ideal” type

i hate when people say oh hes so cool, im attracted to him because of his taste in this and that and his cool music taste, film taste, and whatever. and just that. like what about kindness and gentleness and the way they speak to you or address your issues??

like once youre dating i think its okay to say oh i like my partner’s taste in x and y but to say that you’re fully and WHOLLY attracted to someone only because of that is insane to me. for your only measure of attractiveness in a person to be their taste and style is actually crazy.

i might never listen to classical music but i could 100% date someone who only listens to that provided that i like their character and personality and the way they treat me.

ive just been thinking alot recently about what i would actually want in a relationship and this also recently irritated me a little because of something my friend said so 😶😶

okay but also honest question, because i recently discovered this about myself. i realised something that is insanely important to me in a relationship is that my partner trusts me. which ofc sounds basic, but as someone who is psychic and always has premonition dreams/accurate gut feelings/blatant episodes of zoning out and seeing/hearing things that end up to be true, i need someone who won’t instantly dismiss my feelings about things like that. ive had an instance where i cancelled events 10 minutes before only for there to be a news headline a few hours later about a near fatal accident on the road i was about to take, or even just moving away from someone on the bus only to see the news THREE whole years later about the fact that that person was a certified pedo/molestor (this was when i was still underaged and in school)

i think even if my feelings seem wild at times or insane i need someone who would validate it because i would never bring it up unless unbelievably necessary. and even if nothing horrible happens i just need that faith in me yk? i may have an anxiety disorder but despite that, and even if my other person isnt spiritual or whatever i need them to just understand and just not do a certain things if i desperately bring it up

id never abuse that power but yk? i needed to ask if you felt the same way because i have no one else to talk to about this

- mother anon

GIRLLLL

the looks part and the taste part were two separate thoughts but i just felt like posting them together 🤐

i 100% agree that its possible to be attracted to just about anyone regardless of what they look like BUT i hate the current trend of girls obsessing over rat looking men

like ALL of these dudes are shady asf and known for being assholes. so its not like their personality is so exemplary that their looks are justified 💀💀

i genuinely 100% don't believe that relationships work unless both people are physically in the same "range" or one person is like a high average and the other person is absolutely stunning. i know i probably sound superficial asf BUT I PROMISE YALL, issues WILL creep up and eventually being mismatched WILL cause tension. no man will ever date someone beneath them but women always go for nasty rodent looking men bc they think those dudes will make more of an effort or appreciate them more 💀and these dudes are often WAYYY worse than the chad guy

now about style & taste:

i think its very middle school-y to be attracted to someone based on their fav band or sneaker collection or whatever tf ,,like i genuinely couldnt give less of a fck about that shit.

whenever i meet a guy, the FIRST thing i look for is how chivalrous he is.

and the girls who say they dont care about "chivalry" bc their independent girlbosses are missing out bc fun fact if ur man isn't taking care of u or being a gentleman, he DOES NOT GAF ABOUT U. if ur 2 buddies hanging out, he will treat u the way he treats his homies :/ so if u want to be toughened out like a pal, then u go sis

he better be opening every door, holding my bag/offering to, trying to make me feel comfortable in whatever way he can, giving me napkins, passing me things, paying the bill, bringing me flowers, just being very socially conscious (???) of having a woman around. i remember the first night my bf and i were hanging out, we went to get ice cream for me 🥺and it was past 1 am and he asked me if i wanted to stay there and have it or have it in the car

(for context: i live in india and night life is not much a thing here, this ice cream parlour was the only one open in the area and the crowd was entirely male and they were all staring at me)

and i said i'll have it in the car 🥺🥺like ive been on dates with men who dont pay attention to this kinda stuff. i get catcalled and they dont notice. someone gives me nasty looks and they do nothing. what made me like my now bf right away was how protective he was of me and i know that its how he would treat ANY woman in that situation.

i dont really share my spiritual/astro side with many people. most ppl close to me are aware of it to some extent but in different capacities. some ppl think its more of an intellectual interest bc ive studied buddhism, taoism etc practice yoga (practicing yoga is very common in India bc its literally an Indian thing) and ive never really sought acceptance or understanding of this sort from a romantic partner although 2/4 of my bfs have known that i do tarot and astrology etc

my current partner is an agnostic-atheist and he's spooked out by all the "witchiness" but at the same time, he's really excited about it and brags to people that he's dating a "witch" 😭😭😭🤣

i havent had experiences of the kind you're describing in recent memory but if it were to happen id like for my person to believe me and respect it 🥺

i think there is a cultural difference between us regarding this because what you've described as having visions or gut feelings or being intuitive is veryyyy culturally accepted in India and nobody will bat an eye about it. so its not as isolating or confusing as trying to explain to a bunch of westerners that you "have a bad feeling" regarding something.

[magnusmodig]

||. an assortment of thoughts + headcanons concerning thor + previous relationships / his mentality surrounding ... being that one Resident Super Hot Guy :tm:

(none of these are fully fleshed out into words past these excerpts from my chats w a pal on discord... mostly, I just want to put them on the blog for later reckoning)

a. He was originally set to be betrothed to Lady Sif, though this was never really enforced or official so much as it was implied for as long as they've known each other. He'd have actually happily gone through with this if he hadn't met Jane??? but that's obvsly not what happened. He loves Jane and he would never choose another, ever.

b. Thor at no point ever expected he'd meet someone he'd fall in love with and trust with his heart, and he also sort of just… resigned himself to the fact that he won't marry for love, and that he WILL need to sire an heir whether he wants to or not (but he's super family coded so ofc he'd want kids of his own. It'd just suck for him a lot if it wasn't with someone he loves. he'd not blame the children for that, though.) / (more on that HERE)

c. Thor wasn't exactly a man-hoe or anything, but he is NOT a virgin in the slightest and lost that long before he met Jane, and this is from a variety of short relationships and the occasional fling… but when I say "short" and "occasional" I really do mean that… I don't think he'd get into relationships unless he felt there might be potential, but those never lasted more than a few days. He only would ever need those few to know if there could be something long-lasting.... (and usually they were done while he was out traveling the realms with the rest of his squad), I don't think he'd do flings and one-night-stands often but uh. Sometimes you really need a distraction and alcohol + s*x just kind of happen to go together in Thor's case bc he's an idiot and very careless with himself when it comes to… not being self-destructive. He'd find someone he okay with indulging, get drunk and have relations… but that said I think he'd always make it a point to treat those women nicely before, during, and especially afterwards, and he never left them high and dry bc that'd break his heart more than anything…. sooooo d. He's (unfortunately) used to being people's eye-candy and just kind of expects it at this point. When he's not perfect in the sense of "can do no wrong" or "a hero that always wins and can never be broken, no matter what comes his way", then it's just "he's so handsome and i boy am i having some Sinful Thoughts abt Prince Blondie over there" and thor just sort of …. He doesn't shrug it off, really. I think it actually makes him really uncomfortable. He just chooses to ignore it. Turn the other cheek, if you will, and give a wide berth and a blind eye, because in his mind there's nothing he can do about it =v=;;; To that end, he won't get terribly mad at anyone who does do express anything inappropriate towards him bc he DOES just expect it to happen. He reasons it away and elects to simply stay disengaged unless some lines are crossed. He does goes out of his way to dress modestly. Long sleeves when he can help it, always wearing some kind of shirt or tunic or armor, long pants (on earth, the most casual items of modern-day clothes he'll keep to are joggers. Never ever shorts.), boots, you name it. The most skin he feels comfortable showing are his arms w the sleeveless shirts but that's also partially out of it being easy to wear and great for training purposes. He actually doesn't like training w/o a shirt as an adult bc he has Learned ™️

e. Thor counts his flaws and ESPECIALLY whenever he sees or notices someone Oggling Him he'll go out of his way to remind himself of what they are. He's got a lazy eye that nobody comments on, his hair is darker than it was when he was a child, he's got callouses on his hands from the weapons he uses, when he was a child he had a gap between his front two teeth, he's got very thin scars from the occasional battle (not many, but they're there), - post!ragnarok there's also the addition of his lost right eye and eventual heterochromia … and he does it just to make a point to himself that he's .... not perfect, and if they can't spare the time to notice it then they're probably creatures to be wary of, in the long run

[aroace-number-eight]

hey there, not to provide interaction for a post i’m sure you wanted people to interact w/ — feel free to ignore if this is the case.

as a fic writer who fears dying from health problems or from my parents maybe killing me if they find out i’m queer (it’s a bit of an irrational fear but also not,,, anyways), i feel you w/ that post. not completely, but a lot.

first off — something that may help ease your anxieties about people online knowing what’s happened to you. ao3 has something called ‘next of kin’ that you can set up with a close friend if you happen to die. ao3 will give them access to your account in that case (don’t ask me how they determine if you’re dead or not — they do have a process, i just can’t remember it rn). i have a friend of mine on ao3 who’s set up as my next of kin. if she doesn’t hear from me in a long long time, because we talk often, she’ll email ao3 and ask them for this access to my account. i don’t want any of my works altered. i just want her to add a little note that says smth like ‘hey, check out the writer’s profile’ in the endnotes of all my fics, and i want her to put a short message in that ao3 profile that says something about the fact that i am dead now, but i loved my time in fandom, and the people i met through it.

maybe you can set this up too, if you want to. it eased some of my anxieties about being gone and no one online knowing — my tumblr friends do have my ao3, and check it sometimes, so i know they’d eventually find out. it’s not perfect but it’s helped me.

also as someone who also writes in fandoms that don’t get much traction i also know what you mean by that, kind of. it’s hard. you love creating but also feel responsibility for like, being the one to create. and it’s a weird place to be in but one that doesn’t an easy fix. i deal with it by spending time offline, but that’s only made me ignore the problem, not deal with it head on. i wish i could offer better advice but i can say that while i do love your blog, i care for your well-being more than anything you could ever create. and i know that internalising this sorta thing can be hard sometimes, and that’s fine — i’m just leaving it here.

as for the real life stuff, like schoolwork and graduation, i unfortunately don’t have much experience with that and so can’t offer much in the way of that. if you have support networks offline you’ll probably already be using them, you probably do all you can offline to try and stay happy. it sounds like you’re in a lot of pain — in many ways — and i guess i’d just say to, if you haven’t already though you probably have, try to alleviate as much of it as you can whilst still living the life you want. if you’re not sure what you want, although you may be, try and think of it. it can be horrifically hard when in pain, i know.

i don’t know. advice varies widely on the experiences of the giver and the circumstances of the receiver, so there is a good chance that most of this will not be what you need to hear. and i do apologise for that; i’m not trying to be a douche, i promise, and i’m not trying to make assumptions about you and i’m not usually the kind of person to into someone’s inbox unsolicited and talk about this.

i just know how awful it is to be in pain, physically and mentally, and i just wanted to say that i hope it gets better for you, i hope you’re able to move through the world as best as you can. pain is so unspeakably terrible. not knowing, or regret, is too. i know. i’m sending you a virtual… thing of… the things you like (i’m not someone w/ a lot of eloquent words). want the best for you bc you are a person ofc, but also because you’ve made my day brighter so many a time with the words or pictures you put out into the world.

i hope that you’re doing okay, or will be, is what i’m trying to say, i guess. :)

This was sent a while ago and I apologize for the late reply, but first off I'm really thankful for the kind words and the advice. I kept this in my inbox reading over again and again, and I hope this response feels just because this ask means a lot and I'm so so grateful for your words. It's definitely easing me a bit. I don't mind it at all that you sent this

I do have an AO3 though it's mostly used to bookmark some of my favorite fics (many that I've yet to give my proper due in comments to). It's nice that the site has that feature, so what I can do is translate some of my works and WIPs into fanfic and put those there, and possibly the next of kin feature may be of use

I have a lot more illustrative works than written that are in the plans, which I think I'll just put into a Google Drive or something and share that, so any other artists in the fandom can take a look at them and draw them out. A ton of the ideas I have are very conceptual and abstract (they deal with a lot of headcanons, interpretations from the books, and relationships between the characters the way I see them), and I'm not sure how much of them will translate to others to get the idea across, so I'm working on gathering as much reference material and notes as I can if it's really important. I'm not about about credit, but I think just tagging this blog when using an incomplete WIP will suffice

As for the responsibility for a fandom stuff, I came to a conclusion a few years ago to just enjoy the fandom while it lasts and be more celebratory of the people I'm surrounded by and being able to share a mutual love for the piece of media that brought us together in the first place. My opinion then was that fandom, however small it is, shouldn't be a burden even though it weighed my heart to see something that has given so much to me feel like it was crumbling away. Rather, the friends you make, the days spent creating and enjoying and arguing and dreaming with people you look forward to talk to every day, even if you might be miles apart and will never see face to face, they're central to fandom and are what make creative works so much more amazing and beautiful and loving. I made so so many friends in the fandom from rps to group chats to discord servers, and even some irl, and have let them know on multiple occasions how much they matter to me, and have learned how much they cared about me as well, and that eased my heart at the time. If I had all the time in the world, I would reread their fanfics over and over and look over the small details they knitted into the stories and tell them how much I love their works, and how happy I am to have met them

Note this was my opinion a few years ago, and a lot has changed (many of the same people I used to talk to, I haven't seen since, both irl and online, and these days I don't know most people in the fandom anymore and have very little time to socialize), I ran the whole 13yearsoflorien celebration in hopes to make a community revival and for people to make friends here (which was an incredibly draining process but im thankful it's been done and that @/thedumpsterwizard could help me with it) and ofc my offline life is very tied up with school, so things have been a bit harrowing lately. Needless to say, I think the opinion I formed years ago still rings true, and I'd like to reconsider those words again. I don't know if those same words are helpful to you, but I hope the burden you feel on fandom creativity eases.

Again, I'm so so thankful for this ask, I apologize if I've made you worry about sending this ask whether it had unsolicited advice or felt rude. I appreciate you reaching out, and though it's true advice may vary wildly between the sender and receiver, I think for this I'm sending my gratitude that a lot of this felt helpful and touching, and for your kindness as well. I'm sending my deepest condolences for your situation and health fears, and the physical and mental and emotional strain it all puts on you. I'm glad you take the offline time to ease yourself, and that you have a friend you speak to frequently and who you trust with your work. I know I spent a greater part of this message responding to your words, but I hope what I say here eases you as well, and I reach out in hopes you find this answer and find some relief from it. I wish for the both of us to see better and kinder days and that we will make it through all this soon, and that our fears will stay just fears and won't get the better of us. And that our health will be good too

Please take care, and thank you again for this message

[loveyourlovelysoul]

so as I was mentioning in a previous post about staying in touch with other people, even those that may not be important... there's this "friend"/neighbor which I haven't been talking to for so long. I could say we lost each other slowly cause of life, and even if she moved back in my neighborhood not long ago, we didn't really got closer again. like, at all. I think we just grew apart, and that's okay: at first it hurt ofc but now I totally accept it.

let me explain.

as I started healing recently, I understood it wasn't just her not considering me that much, but also me having said lot of no's to her (more or less openly), for my own fears (parents' overreaction mostly: I wasn't that aware of this habit of mine back then, so I couldn't speak about it and so she didn't know -but probably got something anyway since she often said how tough to deal with they seemed to be). all this ofc made our bond to just become looser and looser as we moved to uni and she moved to other cities and countries, until it basically became inexistent.

despite having shared the same classes and/or school for most of our lives, we also had different backgrounds/upbringings, different friends (despite some common ones), different habits, different characters (she's always been way more extroverted than me while I used to shy away, even if I often followed her doing weird/funny stuff for others), different lives and goals, different personal problems too... even different views on things especially these days (again, it's fine! we met different people and had different experience since when we used to play and talk together as kids and teens, that too formed us into different human beings). I think we were just different and many times she had been pretending... but ofc, I have no objective proof about this: it could be just my (wounded ego) impression nowadays.

anyway. a couple of months ago she gave birth. ofc she didn't tell me (not even when she got married a couple of years ago to a guy I know as well). I found out by chance after our mothers met, despite having been talking a bit with her hubby in the previous months (he didn't tell me anything about the pregnancy as if it was top-secret). I could have decided this was the last time that she/they closed me off, and honestly at first I felt this way while I was saying "Idc, her/their decision". but talking with an external friend I realized: maybe I could just give her a present for her baby and not make all this and our past matter too much. just see how it goes. we're adults and neighbors now, and that's how I can look at us these days. we can turn the page.

so, even if I felt a bit uncomfortable and part of me didn't feel like (especially for the fact that I wanted to feel as our friendship was definitely closed, and I needed to close with the past abruptly), I texted her asking how she was doing and if she had 5 mins for me to go see her and bring her a little thing for her baby. she replied inviting me for a walk. we went out, both pretending everything was fine and nothing ever happened. we kinda had fun talking about the baby, his quirks, about a neighborhood's problem (as adults do) and remembering a few events of our childhood. I felt more grounded than I thought (despite I couldn't always recall all the words I wanted to say, but I haven't been speaking 1:1 irl for a real lot of time now, except for a few words here and there in specific contexts); she was kinda calm too but I think the pregnancy also made her. she has changed especially in her voice, and it felt weird to see her holding a baby and feeding him. she also asked me to help her with the baby carriage when she had to hold him which ofc I did. and then we went back home after an hour or so, I gave her the gift and we both told each other we could have met for a walk another day (I am kinda sure this won't happen -unless it will be me asking? Idk-, it's just one of those sentences you say out of courtesy, but it felt coherent with how that hour went) and that we'll keep in touch anyway about the neighborhood's problem (more likely?): at the end of the day, I asked about her but she didn't ask anything about me and my life/family anyway, not even when we ended up staying silent for a while (it wasn't uncomfortable for me btw, can't say for her).

once I arrived home I was literally freezing cause the sun was gone and it got pretty cold; I had the feeling she kinda wanted to suddenly run away at that time and find another place to go (maybe, Idk), but I was feeling good. I had a nice interaction, out of all the past context we had been through. it helped me start to get back "out there" again, in a kind of "known" environment (in the end, we still have known each other since ages), to be hugged and hug again (even if it wasn't too felt probably, but it works as practice too heh). and also it reminded me that not everyone has to stay in our life forever and we're not supposed to be in everyone's life forever; and that feelings and bonds can change and evolve in something different as well, if we let them too. they can turn calmer, less profound, and more patient and respectful of each one's new life and boundaries. ofc it's not for everyone, for every relationship: there has to be a *silent* agreement between the parts, at least. not saying I agree with why I wasn't told about the baby or other good news or why I wasn't asked about me out of courtesy even on these terms, but... it was her/their decision and I respect and accept it now. as I will respect their spaces and boundaries from now on without really caring. at all and for real, this time. I know where I stand (and where she stands for me), and that's okay: not because I submissively accept it as her/their decision, but because I understand and agree there's no other way.

this meeting really helped me to see things under a new perspective and actually gave closure, in a way, to my past hurt feelings. differently from how building a wall or cutting cords has ever. now I'll just let things be and really not care much, and treat each other politely as random acquaintances/neighbors. but I can say I really feel much more eager to meet new people, to get out there and test myself after all those years of isolation I put myself in while healing (which made me so rusty and didn't help much, even if I kept talking online at least and learning about boundaries here... but that's not the same). I know now I can bear with that stress, no matter how it'll turn out. I feel stronger and more in touch with myself than ever. it's true: what you make other's decisions and behaviours mean about yourself, only depends on you. I was probably *unconsciously* making it all mean that I was not good enough, not even as an acquaintance/neighbor. but even if it is so according to her/them, I decide to not make it mean anything about my present and actual worth: I have been working on myself so hard and so much that I'm far from being the *scared* girl I used to be in the past and they have no clue about it. and I don't need or want to show them anyway as there's no reason for it. I am closing with the past anyway, whether past people will acknowledge it and come with me in my future or not or in what measure/form they will/won't. it doesn't matter. it only matters what I do and think of my path until today. and what I will decide to do and think about it (and me) from today on.

[zhongrin]

Bravo, Meirin.

Thank you for the Netflix style version of a suspense novel. This EBG was a masterclass is DM and RP work. I thought the way things played out was impressive, and I am impressed in how you used even seemingly unrelated one-off asks (like the grandmother ask, the ask about the weather in Mingyun Village, the investigator asks) to flesh out the story into such an interesting one. It had so many twists and turns, and I was kept on the edge of my seat.

I will say that I didn't expect the ask about the Gardemeks to make its debut at the end and with pictures, no less. I sent that along with the Treasure Hoarder Ask at the end as a one off to see how much further things could escalate within the confines of the EBG, and I was not disappointed.

Due to when EBG happened and the times it fell, I'd often be asleep when the major happenings occurred. (Darn you, timezones!) I admit, I lost more than my fair share of sleep trying to keep up with what happened. But when I'd get up in the morning, I would grab my breakfast and read through what happened on your blog. It felt like I was reading a really engaging story.

That being said, I thought the way you approached this EBG was very clever, especially with how you worked within the constraints of the rules. While the EBG required you to "simp" so to speak for the assigned character, it didn't say who had to do it and how it had to be done. I also thought it was very clever to make it so that Childe and Meirin weren't together romantically, which both worked to free up the ooc side of you to work on the God Remains and Coviello/Dresvi plotlines, while giving you the freedom to write Childe as you wanted, especially since you mentioned having a hard time "simping" for him.

I also appreciated that you didn't shy away from people's theories during the event either. You weren't scared of spoilers. You knew where you wanted to go with the story and stuck to your guns when making the story and answering the asks, and that made it all the more satisfying when you revealed the truth of the matter.

That being said, I did take a backseat to the chaos later on in the EBG, since it seems like other people were pushing the story forward (and I ended up doing some other shenanigans).

But I still came back to your blog every day during the week it was active for EBG. I found it fun to watch, and I ended up enjoying myself.

This ask is getting way too long, so I'll send another one with follow up questions for the EBG later. I'm curious about the writing and preparation process.

Thank you again for the wonderful time and the amazing story, Meirin! It was fun playing with you, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing your shenanigans here and on other blogs as well. ^^

✌️

alright, okay, i've reread this countless times now and i think i'm ready to release it because man. this hits HARD (in a /pos way ofc)

how you used even seemingly unrelated one-off asks

please 😭 i'm glad it's not annoying anyone that i did this because i understand it could be, especially if the asker didn't meant for the ask to be answered that way - but some of them are so perfect as the plot accompanient and i couldn't help myself ;w;

I will say that I didn't expect the ask about the Gardemeks to make its debut at the end and with pictures, no less

oh my goodness. that ask. when i received it on day 2, i went :D haha. hahahahahahaha *insert maniacal laughter here* ahem. i meant, it was a HIGHLY interesting ask and i knew i had to use it nearing the end. thank you so much for sending that in and giving me the opportunity to draw more unhinged childe!!

I sent that along with the Treasure Hoarder Ask at the end

that was you too?! HLSDLSDFK hahahah honestly i really did want to make meirin fight them off but considering the plot and her condition, i didn't think it would make sense? in baizhu's story quest we know how jiangliang almost fell down a cliff when he was chronically seeking out the mother lode, so yeah, i didn't think she would be in any condition to fight. hence i stuck with that approach and yeeted the bad ending just to say 'hey, just saying, i WILL kill meirin if i have to' LOL

I admit, I lost more than my fair share of sleep trying to keep up with what happened

darn timezones!!! and hsldkfjskldf you and me both comrade. i think my sleep schedule this ebg (and last ebg too tbh) is a WRECK. actually, let me just check something real qui-

............. yeahhhh. uh. for someone who usually sleeps 6-8 hours a day.......... leeeeeet's not talk about that :D i will have to pay those sleep debts this weekend for sure. but it was worth it, heh.

But when I'd get up in the morning, I would grab my breakfast and read through what happened on your blog

the way i also do this with the replies section when i wake up too lol everyone's comments were my morning tabloid, i read through them with a smile as i sip my coffee >:D but gods. that. that's such an honor.... thank you for being so invested in it ;w;

While the EBG required you to "simp" so to speak for the assigned character, it didn't say who had to do it and how it had to be done

HAHAH gotta exploit the loopholes yk? ;))

I also appreciated that you didn't shy away from people's theories during the event either

ahhh thank you <3 i try not to give out special treatments even to my friends as much as possible and i actually LOVE seeing them theorising and discussing things in posts/replies. it also kinda gauges whether i'm doing things right, whether i should make the hints more obvious, etc. so they actually help a lot in developing the story too, in a sense!

But I still came back to your blog every day during the week it was active for EBG

i am so so so honored ;w; like really. the fact that people cares enough to ACTUALLY VISIT my blog? insane. that's. such a thing that i'm still partly unable to believe even now. most people stay in their dashboard and scroll. the fact that people actually went to my blog JUST to see the ebg contents is just. hngngngnnngngng

This ask is getting way too long, so I'll send another one with follow up questions for the EBG later. I'm curious about the writing and preparation process.

i'll be waiting for that follow up ask because i would love to elaborate more on the ebg given the opportunity to, but no pressure really! i'm just glad that you and everyone else had fun <3

thank you again, kind nonnie. i'll be sure to keep this in my treasure box and reread it a few hundred more times ❤️

[nebulouscoffee]

Any favorite garashir tropes?

Omg, so many! I'll try to limit it to five :)

That thing they do where they start talking about something (often something Very Important) by using an allegory- because that's the only way they can be honest about it (or at least, more honest)- and then get increasingly frustrated by the vagueness of the verbal dance they're doing but neither of them wants to come out and Say It because they're stupid and competitive idiots so they proceed to stretch the metaphor further and further until they're twisting themselves into pretzels trying to stick to it and then at last it snaps. Usually by this point they have begun making out furiously (I love this trope SO much, and my humble contribution was 'Pretenders' chapter 8 lmaoo)

Post-canon letter-writing. I just feel like these two were made for the epistolary format, like they both choose their words (and Lines) so deliberately, they're both always willing to commit to a bit, and also they're both long-winded and witty and cringe (I can't believe it's canon that Julian describes his whole coma dream to Garak over lunch and Garak is actually so interested to hear it? It's just sweet okay!!) More than that, I think what draws me to this ship is the way that they're both storytellers; who've both lived with secrets and lies so long they see themselves more as "characters"/archetypes/roles than people, who both carefully tell truths about the people they are (and were) by spinning self-mythologising narratives (aka, "the lies"). I find this so beautiful because like in some ways their narratives were forcibly spun for them when they were children; so I love how in each other, they find someone that's really willing to listen (regardless of whether they "deserve" it), someone who'll give them the space to maybe learn to spin a new narrative. The idea of them continuing to do so by crafting long letters to each other is very in-character imo, and also romantic in a way that's very them (looking for hidden meanings between the words! Subtext! Wordplay, obfuscation, backtracking, who-will-crack-first, the waitinggggg between responses, all great stuff👌)

Julian's forgiveness of Garak's past being tested- like, personally I think it's OOC for Julian to suddenly start lecturing him about his past, I think it's far more interesting for them to have conflicts over Garak's (often atrocious) present behaviour and opinions- but every now and then, especially if he's living on Cardassia, Julian is going to see stuff that brings home to him in a very real way what Garak used to do for a living. It's such good angst, I love it! Especially when Julian is forced to acknowledge the parallels to Sloan, or that Garak might not actually have moved on from some things

One of them casually does something small that happens to be a Big Deal in the others' culture, but the other can't call them out on it because that would be Acknowledging The Game- and ofc, there's always the possibility that it wasn't deliberate, and isn't it just so much nicer to pretend? Either way, they refuse to directly talk about it, leading to much confusion and hilarity as they try and call the others' bluff by increasingly escalating the stakes and aggressively talking about books till they just end up looking like idiots

They never actually got together during the show. Don't get me wrong, I like reading stories where they get together at the wrong time and mess each other up lol, genuinely I love this pairing for The Range (it is entirely possible that their conversation in the finale ends up being their last!) But I am, at heart, a big sap, so my favourite version of the garashir get-together is them finally figuring it out post-canon. Also, it's genuinely so interesting, like- what do you do when your exiles and secrets and wars are all over & you're finally the person you need to be to make something you always wanted work? (What do you mean, you can just go after it? For real? Like you can actually just ask? Outrageous! Lol) Also, it lends itself so well to other entertaining tropes, like 1. absolutely unhinged levels of UST & long-distance pining, 2. Garak having a funny freakout over some small domestic thing which drives home to him how much ds9 domesticated him, 3. them just like. trying to figure out how to exist as regular people & relaxing into a sort of intimacy and authenticity they've never experienced before, 4. them being huge workaholics who barely see each other during the day but still give each other something nice to come home to, 5. them learning each other's languages & customs, 6. Garak angsting that this is all temporary and Julian is definitely going to leave him, 7. war orphans (I'm not much for kidfic generally but there is something touching about these two characters redefining parenthood and "legitimacy" for themselves; even if not as parents just by helping "unwanted" children in different ways, especially considering what happened with Ziyal), 8. Julian leaving Starfleet & practising more culturally sensitive and less exploitative medicine on a ravaged alien planet which shows how far he's come, and I'm sure there's many more but wow that's already so many! Post-canon garashir endgame my beloved

[stfulia]

Hi chat

Hi, wtf tho?.

I met this friend (P) last year and i quickly started to trust him, which is weird cause of my trust issues. The reason i felt so confy was because he did NOT know the people i was talking about. (pd: i dont talk shit about them, just overthink about the way i feel about them). So basically the first thing i talked about when i started being friends with him was that friends becoming friends with my friends lowkey made me feel bad, cause many times before, had happened to me that they become BETTER friends between each other and i was left out. He said he agreed and that he feels the same. I dont really care about them just being friends, i just dont want them to "replace" me or make me feel left out by my OWN friends. (ig thats understandable)

So i have this other online friend (OF-online friend cause why not) who i know for like 4 years now. I appreciate a lot my online friends cause ive always trusted them in order to talk about feelings, i guess because i dont feel it THAT much real as it would feel if i vented irl. I like to gatekeep my onine friends because i have some bad trust issues thinking they could tell whatever im talking about to someone else. I know im a bit paranoid but i literally cant help it, i need that kind of TRUST in order to feel confortable around you.

Then, few months ago, i dont really know how, but OF sent a friend request on instagram AND bereal to P, cause when i really love my friends, i talk about them with others and they knew each other because of that. Firstly i asked P to not accept it, cause he KNEW that annoyed me a bit. Well, he did, and also said "yeah but i dont talk with her" and i was like "okay, youre right". Then they started to react to each others bereals and they NEVER react to mine, which made me feel a bit weird ngl. But then ONE DAY i just know they started talking by photos via instagram. And they talked about their personal stuff, THINGS THAT THEY DONT TALK WITH ME, LIKE???.

Okay, so when they started talking i acted like i didnt care, cause i decided to trust them and i liked them to get along very well. But one day, OF asked me if P was flirting with her, which was like 💀💀💀. Ofc i asked him (p) and he said he was just joking and that she wasnt even his type, which i actually do believe. But since OF saw that i was lowkey jealous of them being that """flirty""" she jokes about having a crush on him and dating him or sexual stuff that i dont even want to talk about. Ofc i took everything as a joke, cause it was JUST a joke, right?.

Time passed and when i met with P irl, cause we often do, he is constantly taking pictures about everything to reply to OF. And i admit that it makes me jealous, he is very friendly with me, he is VERY affectionate* and i lowkey just wanna fell special ig. I guess im just overreacting but i cant help but feeling this way. So, the thing is, lately, he has been acting distant with me. Yes ofc he has more things to do than me, but yk, i always start the conversation, and it feels like whenever i text him, he is just distracted, i doesnt feel like him anymore. YES, THERES THE CHANCE HES BEEN FEELING BAD FOR ANY REASON BUT IF HE DOESNT EVEN TELL ME, HOW CAN I KNOW???.

*P is just like a best friend to me. I am very very closed to people, i struggle receiving any type of affection, but with him, for some reason, i like to receive hugs, very long hugs. A long hug while watching a movie, if you get me.

So this afternoon, P texted me first (i was even excited) and asked me to play roblox this night. And i was genuinely HAPPY cause i just wanted to spend time with him. Then OF texts me saying that we were gonna play roblox but with her (OF) and another loved online friend of mine(OF2). So what i could only think about was that he has been dry to me while he was planning playing roblox with them💀. YES, I KNOW they ALL invited me, but the starting point was NOT TALKING TO MY ONLINE FRIENDS, and i have tolerated TOO MUCH with OF, i cant tolerate it nomore with OF2. SO, i told P that i dont really feel like it because i dont like them being friends with each other. AND THEN P TOLD OF THAT HE COULDNT PLAY CAUSE OF ME. AND THAT MADE ME SO MAD. CAUSE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL HER THAT?? IT WASNT NECESSARY. I know its the truth, but sometimes, truth just needs to sit in silence between those who know it.

AND, what did you do? Call me inmature, call me jealous, call me toxic, call me avoidant, IDC. I just need to push away them, push away EVERYONE, so i lowkey ghosted them. I TOLD THEM THAT I NEEDED SPACE AND TIME TO PROCESS WHATEVER IM FEELING AND I MADE MYSELF CLEAR THAT THEY CAN BE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER IF THEY WANT TO, JUST KNOW I WONT LIKE IT. But i feel like they didnt get it cause their response is rude and mean. I mean, i dont expect them to talk to me like a princess, but who is annoyed here is I, me, myself, not you wtf?.

SO YEAH, THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT I THINK OF. I just wanted to vent cause now i lowkey cant (my closest friends are them and now i cant tell anyone my feelings), and if you have something to say ill ofc be super happy to read it.

SORRY IF THERE WAS A MISTAKE OR SMTH, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FRIST LANGUAGE, and sorry for the HUGE text.

Thanks chat.

[psychelis-new]

Yes of course!

Honestly I am a bit too nostalgic and I miss when I was a kid and my parents were more caring, that's it. Mainly.

They are caring now too but in a different way, yk

And my sibling which is older than me treats me like shit. I used to be his world...he too was taking care of me and protecting me

Idk man I'm in my feels

And sooo often I get into this mood sometimes for a week straight, it won't go away and I end up crying all the time

Other times just some days in the month but like I said, it all affects me deeply, more than it should probably

I love them but I genuinely miss what it used to be, a true family

I'm sorry about this, I really am. I think it's something many of us go through at a certain point. I'm telling you this not to diminish your feelings at all, but to let you feel hopefully less alone in this painful moment. Also, whatever way you are affected by this situation it's fine: you don't have to feel you're wrong for that. Whatever emotion you feel is valid, in whatever "amount" you are experiencing it. Anyway, you said it yourself: people change, not just others but we change too, and so also the way we express our feelings and emotions and all that's in between (not to mention that with the pandemic and all the other increasing negative things around the world, many of us have been showing much more distress relating to relationships and emotions -what I mean is, it's common and understandable both how you feel and that things changed heavily).

I think you should just talk with your parents: there's nothing bad in needing a bit more of affection and support, to feel a little more "needy". I don't really think they'd judge you for that. I'm kinda sure they changed their behaviour with you because now you've grown and they cannot act exactly as when you were a child: they probably want you to feel more independent and free. Parents do this, they just never ask if it's okay or not for us... but we can talk with them about it. You know, it's not just people that change with time, but also feelings and how we display them. They evolve, modify, take turns... Plus so many things happen, and we change also the way we perceive people and emotions around us. When we're kids, we don't know much, but I guess it's part of growing up and learning and just... experiencing stuff. In my mind I just heard "there's a time for everything". (I'm not gonna mention about your brother btw... there's no excuse for shitty behaviour, but again we change and stuff happens to everyone, sadly).

If you feel like you cannot talk with your parents (despite I'd really see nothing bad), at least try to accept this situation (which doesn't mean feeling like you cannot change it: acceptance is saying "Okay, things now are this way, what can I do to make them how I'd like to?"). For example you can try giving yourself what you miss while waiting for someone else to give it to you again. You can look at photos, have a good cry as you do (it's not bad to cry, your body and heart free themselves this way, so do it freely when you need -but ofc, when it gets too much, you need to understand why and take some type of action to help yourself: ask for help, don't keep it all inside), maybe you can write letters to those people of 10 years ago and remembering things and then even burn those letters once you're done (may help you free yourself) or talk about this with someone else (a friend or anyone you feel like, even a professional figure if you need: they may help you navigate better your emotions and nostalgic feelings)... in general, take your time to first understand why and then grieve what you miss, what is not there anymore. We don't just grieve for people we are no more in contact with, we generally grieve for an emotional loss, and it could be of any type. So you missing those times and how cared you were, totally applies. (Btw you can find more infos about grieving online and on my other blog too, if you need). From a deeply nostalgic person to another one, let me tell you this: staying in the past doesn't help you move on and find again what you miss so bad (it will be in a different form maybe, but at the core will be the same). Be the person you need for yourself: take care of your inner child as you'd like your family to do with you. Protect them, love them. Hug them, play with them... Give them what they need (this doesn't mean you cannot receive from your parents at the same time. You can ask them for more love, and give to your inner child from yourself too. Sometimes the more the merrier, especially when we have these sad periods in which we feel particularly alone/abandoned/left out and crave for more affection and inclusion).

Back to the reading you asked about. I have been thinking about it and considering different povs for a lot, but my first impulse hasn't changed. Let me explain. When I channel messages from your past self (inner child) or your Guides and fs and all these energies, I do that with the main intention of giving you help and support/guidance in your present and future life. Having a letter from the past, where everything was different (you, your family, the situations you were in, the things you and your family didn't know back then but know now...), imo, won't change your present time nor make you feel better: those people you miss are not around you in that same form (the one your mind wants you to think about and miss or make you call a true family), and you too are not the receiver for that letter anymore: ofc, you all are also those people deep down, but you're not under those same conditions irl. You know exactly how they used to love you, and deep down it's still all there, but I don't think this huge need for affection you have is something you can heal or calm through a channeled message. Talk with your family irl or talk with someone else. Or journal about your feelings. Do not let resentment and lack feelings grow inside of you, they won't take you anywhere. Cause even if you read a sweet message from the past (let's suppose, Idk what you would get or if you would get anything at all) and then the reality you had to deal with was totally different (as it is), I don't think it could make you feel better nor comfort you. It would just make things more painful imo, bring you more questions and notice more what you lack now, and honestly I don't want my readings to bring pain to anyone.

IF you need a message about how to deal with your past, I am up for that. And I am up for a reading like "How to bring yourself closure" (despite I already have done that on insta). I will for sure make another reading about healing as it's already planned (plus, all of my 7 colors readings are about this at their core -and I think the Green reading may have some words for you too-), but I won't channel anything about a life has no reason to still be present in such a way for anyone (if not to learn from it or just sometimes remember goods/bads and then move on in the 3d). Sorry for being this blunt and not being able to help you but... I honestly don't think this would really help you to start with: the answers you seek probably are not there in the past where things felt better but here in your present where things feel so tough (and you already know them). The past is called past for a reason and I really hope you can understand this in the sweeter manner possible.

Take care of you, sending you a hug.<3

[kai-keda]

hiiii im world salad anon from yesterday and ive calmed down enough to talk about this more: it feels gross that people on twitter who had a day ago no problem absolutely dogpiling on someone for disliking goldendragon or any number of smaller offenses now draw the line at criticizing a BNF for knowingly spreading misinformation about a literal deity it's cliquey and concerning that being popular apparently makes you immune to criticism

i honestly dont even blame the kid for this theyre allowed to be uncomfortable with nezh@ ships ofc and their opinion is valid and warranted, but its a problem that their adult friends enabled this and spread a post they had been informed was misinfo and refused to correct themselves, im tired of people who say "i did my research" when all they did was read 1 post by 1 person thats backed up by 1 friend group and did no further research

oh and you are so fucking right about the tone policing its actually disgusting to mock the way someone WHO IS CLEARLY USING A TRANSLATOR talks

A lot of the issues with these people - and why my twitter thread on the topic was focused on finding consistent values - is that whether or not certain actions are considered appropriate or inappropriate depends wholly on who they do or do not like.

This is an EXTREME example but it often feels similar to the mindset of people who will deadname trans people they don’t like. Those actions show that they never did respect trans identities.

I say it’s similar because the way to “properly” handle a situation starts and ends with how much they (dis)like the people involved.

Clowning on TikTok users on Twitter is fun! So it’s okay, even if it leads to harassment! Even if said TikTok users were minors!

A teenager is acting their age when they make a post claiming something as fact specifically to call out ‘bad behavior’ from a crew member. Because they were simply acting their age and they’re a BNF, it’s excusable and is something that should simply be ignored and quietly forgotten rather than corrected publicly.

But someone making a post calling out bad behavior from a teenager with evidence that said bad behavior directly led to harassment? How dare you put someone on blast. Also, the teenager didn’t pull the trigger, therefore not their fault.

Where was that same energy during all the Dream controversies, btw?

At the end of the day, for me, yes, the post calling out what was happening and the VERY inappropriate response the teenager in question had when they WERE confronted in private was poorly worded and made to look like a blame game rather than a plea for a correction of misinformation.

Personally, I feel confident it was intended to be the latter but I also do see that it looked like a “Fuck this child for doing this to us specifically!!” because, again, poor wording.

I also see and am sensitive to the Chinese users who were fed up with being told their opinions on THEIR culture didn’t matter.

Side note - I find it freaking insane that someone tried to claim that they were gatekeeping Chinese culture. One user tried to tell everyone a singular interpretation of a character was factual to the culture. The other users tried to tell everyone that there have always been varying interpretations of the character and that those other ones are equally valid to the culture.

Who exactly is gatekeeping the culture here?

[neighborhood-houseplant]

I JUST READ YOUR KILLUA RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS AND I AM SCREAMING. I was wondering if you could please do some domestic Killua headcanons, they don't have to be married headcanons because i know some people aren't comfortable with it. Thank you, take care!

Domestic Killua Zoldyck Relationship Headcanons

Author's note: Hi anon! I'm so glad that you liked my other headcanons so i give you these!

❥ He's used to waking up early for training and stuff, because he always had to for training when he was younger but now that you've gotten him addicted to sleepy morning cuddles and now he complains to no end whenever either you or him have to get out of bed

❥ Like the poor boy will so firmly in denial

❥ "Killua, Love, we have to get going, it's 6am."

❥ "No, it's not, go back to bed, baby."

❥ He has great memory and is always double or triple checking his bag or pockets to make sure he hasn't forgotten anything, so he almost never forgets anything and this helps you out too because he likes to check you're things and packs anything you've forgotten for you along with a little note wishing you a good day.

❥ THIS MAN CAN COOK

❥ I know people may think this is kind of a stretch but I headcanon that before he ran away, he learned a lot from the cooks working at his family mansion.

❥ It also really feeds his ego when you compliment his cooking skills lmao. Also he 110% uses his claws to cut up food.

❥ "Hey, pretty face, get me a knife, please?"

❥ "They're all dirty, hold on, let me wash one for yo- okay then."

❥ He still trains pretty often like around 4/7 days a week, so not as much as he used to but he's still staying on top of his game, more so out of habit than him wanting to but he does still enjoy it. 

❥ But lets remember that he has a very, very, very large amount of stamina so he can train for a long time.

❥ So more often than not, you get tired before him so you go to get a drink or eat and just watch him workout, you know, for ideas for things to next time, definitely not check him out, no sir 😭

❥ Going grocery shopping with him will go one of two ways. Either, he has a list, he’s a man on a mission, he’s determined to stick to the list, he’s a man with a vision, nothing shall sway him.

❥ Until he enters the store and sees some new chocolate or candy that he hasn’t tried. All that resolve? Gone.

❥ You end up getting things that you guys actually need and he’s just standing there with like 50 packs of whatever it is that he bought lmao 😭

❥ He likes to take you on at least one date every week. But he’s started avoiding parks, (unless you want to go ofc) because once a little kid called him an old man because of his white hair and poor Killua practically died.

❥ When you two were decorating your shared home, he wanted pretty neutral oe dark colours but he caved when asked for a brighter colour scheme but he, to this day, still says it looks like a Teletubbie threw up in there, but he loves it.

❥ Movie nights happen often but he didn’t want to watch titanic at first because he said, “It’s going to be so boring and lame.” but cue him at the movie literally a sobbing mess😭

❥ He never recovered lmao

❥ He tried to start a flower garden and just forgot about it for a week and all the flowers died. He restarted it but you take care of it for him because he’s still pretty forgetful about it but he’s convinced he’s done it all himself because you decided not to tell him.

❥ You know that one meme that’s like, “You’ve been home for an hour and a half and not even once, not one time have you tried to cuddle me and it’s pissing me the fuck off, I want my fucking cuddles.”? Yeah that’s him, he gets so moody without physical contact from you, it’s hillarious.

❥ He likes to make fun of people who can’t do basic house chores but then you walk in on him wrestling a fitted sheet and swearing like a sailor😭

❥ He can cook, as I’ve mentioned before, but he also like junk food and it won’t do shit to him because of his fast metabolism.

❥ You guys have a cat named flip-flop (thank killua for that) and he SPOILS it so much.

❥ “Come on, Y/n, Flip-flop would never scratch the curtains. Isn’t that right Flip-flop?” And it meows like it’s agreeing.

____________

Tag list -

@mayttesworld  @v3ntit0p1a  @eiswife 

[yonemurishiroku]

Immortal Nico di Angelo

Because i’m a sucker for powerful and self-love Nico so here i am fantasizing him being the one and only officially granted Ambassador of Hades

- “My father will hear about this!” Okay ofc Nico doesn’t say that but you HAVE TO admit that it’d be fun if he did.

- Hades offered him immortality after the war of Gaea and i’m all about self-love asexual Nico so no, Solangelo doesn’t happen, nor does any romantic affairs. And Nico’s forever 15.

- Demeter doesn’t like it. The Olympus can suck it up, then.

- Zagreus & Makaria: MY BABY BROTHER!!! *incessant and obnoxious hugs*

- Melinoe: I can’t believe this. (typical sister-brother bickering)

- Persephone is fine. She’s fine.

- Family dinner!!!! Zagreus offers him wine, Nico uses his physical age “I’m underage” to decline and his chronological age when he wants to drink.

- He started working for his father as an Ambassador, especially for the demigod community, which means:

He delivers messages directly from Hades (Hermes likes this because it lightens his workload so that he can go to the Underworld less often).

His appearance represents Hades himself. Nico speaks on behalf of his father to express the Underworld’s opinions and attitude upon current events, which also implies that the Camps should better take whatever he says seriously this time.

Giving judgements and punishments in case someone decided to play with darkness in the name of Hades and shame the Underworld.

Yes he works with other Pantheons too. Bestie with Alex Fierro, honestly. Nico goes on international business trips all the time.

(Hades also takes advantage of this to send Nico to those meetings he doesn’t want to attend. Nico complains all the time tho)

It goes both ways, so Nico also keeps an eye on the surface’s situations too. In case some demigod need help with going to the Underworld, Nico’s aid lessens 99% of the difficulty. If you piss him off tho you’ll still make it to the Underworld, just not the way you’d like.

Sometimes he meets the unclaimed/ lost demigods, he’d offer help and take them to the camps/ respectively shelter. After so many similar incidents, he started recruiting wandering ghosts to work along the satyrs to keep an eye for any new demigods in sight.

- Those duties^ requires Nico to travel a lot around the world and consequently helps him know a bunch of gods from different pantheons as well. His social network is insanely expansive.

- ^ It helps him see more part of the world, more people, more believes and colors of life, which resulted in Nico having learnt the way to accept himself, from which he gains confident as well. SELF-LOVE NICO.

- He helps Jason with building the temples when he’s free enough because srsly, who else knows about the minor gods and can reason with them without being turned to an animal? (No Jason did NOT die i dont know what your talking about he’s still living healthy and happy)

- That one time Nico received a fatal blow even to his immortality, Jason was devastated. But then the guy returned fresh as new because guess what, his godly brother is god of rebirth and Zagreus loves his brother dearly. Jason’s concerns regarding Nico’s penchant for jumping head first into dangers only added up.

- Best quest counselor/ guide ever because of his scary information network & knowledge, but again, his actions are limited due to his title.

- Nico might or might not offer to help (read: incessantly talking and convincing and maybe authority abusing) Lupa with safety regulations guaranteed by zombie workers regarding training the young Roman demigods. Reyna supports his idea, Frank is more than happy, Jason is just relived no one has to go through what he did.

- Nico’s powers grow to be more stable and efficient. Less overexertion. Zagreus and Hades teach him how to use his potentials to the fullest. Now, every shadow is his entrance and exit. Every ghost is his ears and eyes. And Underworld creatures are inclined to obey his commands.

- He uses them to keep tabs of his friends as well (the Seven, Reyna, Bob,…) and makes sure to visit Hazel every month.

- Of course, they age and have children on their own. So he is their badass sarcastic gay Uncle Nico, who - along with their punk Aunt Thalia, somehow magically look the same as the years go by.

“Uncle/ Auntie, why don’t you get old like our parents? What’s your secret?”

Thalia: Hating men.

Nico: Childhood traumas.

Everyone else *covers the children’s ears*: Please stop saying that!!

- He found Bianca’s rebirth, who is a girl with all those same chocolate eyes and black silky hair and freckles, living happily with her new family. Hazel later moves to that city and becomes the girl’s neighbor so that Nico has the chance to talk with her as her son/ brother/ whatever.

- Nico has to take up the strict role for Hazel’s children because really, Frank is too soft and Hazel is both too soft and too terrifying when she’s truly furious so there’s that. He still makes sure not to go too hard on them tho because he dislikes childhood traumas as much as the next person.

His typical technique is like “if you do bad things, the zombies will come out of the closet to scare you.” But again, they all know zombies listen to him and Nico would never hurt them.

Nico *with an obviously loving smile failed to be hidden*: How come my nieces and nephews are not scared of me anymore? How can I discipline you if you’re like this?

He sics the zombies on them a few times.

And another time in class when the children are telling ghost stories and Annabeth and Percy’s kid is like “No it’s not true. My uncle Nico met that guy. He’s super nice.” and they just look at him/her/them like (⊙_⊙).

Percy dies laughing after.

- Nico teaches the children his mother’s Italian lullabies and takes them on a trip to Italy as some sort of “congratulations on making it to be an adult”

- Nico has an apartment in every city he merely resides regularly - enough for frequent business trips - all of which is enchanted with Hades’ blessings to ward off monsters. Ofc Hades bought it for him, because Hades spoils his son even though he doesn’t admit it.

- If Nico doesn’t like you but he doesn’t want to deal with you either, he’ll just send you straight to his dad. Hades is less than thrilled so he’ll just *zip* and you’re gone. (“Why are you—Nico did it again?! I’m Lord of the Underworld, not a trash can!”)

- When Jason does die (by old age, bcuz that’s the only reasonable for that boy to die, no i don’t take criticism), instead of Thanatos reaping his soul, Nico holds his hand, leading him all the way to the door to a new life. They promise to meet again.

“Will we meet again?”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise me you will tell me when we do.”

“Of course. And Thalia too, i’ll make sure of that.”

“Okay, i guess… goodbye then.”

“It’s See you later, Jason.”

- Nico eventually finds everyone’s rebirth and he tells those in the Elysium, along with their children, about them.

[scentedcandlesandcookies]

So I was inspired by @mrpenguinpants (go check out their work I'm referring to below this paragraph) and wanted to do another genshin fic. The interactions here can be anything you want it to mean (besides qiqi ofc). Also this is very self indulgent.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Self hatred, self loathing, blood, depressing thoughts ig(?), momentary oblivion of you squint.

Also I'm on mobile so I'm so sorry for not being able to add a read more option!

Somehow you knew without knowing. You said things without needing to say it. A vessel of purity and wholeness. You had so much to give.

But how much was too much?

Qiqi called yours name on a rather sunny day. You were just about to head to Bubu Pharmacy when she ran up to them.

"Could you help me pick herbs? We always go together."

You knew what she meant in ways she couldn't convey. You were special to her, to everyone. You weren't aware of it though.

Knowing the worth of others was easier than knowing the worth of yourself.

"Of course, Qiqi, I'll always have time for you."

Qiqi loved your smile. It felt familiar. Qiqi saw you as an older sibling. She loved you in ways she couldn't express.

"I'm only good to be your ladder though! You know I'm not good with naming herbs!"

On a cooler day, Zhongli called you to have some tea with him. The both of you sat at a teashop watching the harbor through the open window.

The gentle breeze touched all uncovered parts of your skin. The smell of the sea dancing underneath your nose. The sunset painting a melancholic picture.

"The ocean looks sad today."

Zhongli looked at you rather confusedly. After promptly sipping his tea he responded.

"How can an ocean look sad? Something so old shouldn't be humanized."

The last sentence was more for himself than anything. You didn't know, but he sometimes loathed himself for all he'd done. He wondered if all the blood spilt was worth it.

You reminded him of Guizhong, so ready to see things in a new light without judgement. He often hears you sing to glaze lilies around Qingce.

"How could we forget what all the ancients did for us?"

A day after some much needed rain, you spotted Ganyu. Busy as ever, she was handling the unending work she often received. You decided to help out.

"Good morning, Ganyu. You seem to be someone who'd appreciate and extra pair of hands."

The joking atmosphere seemed to help lift the weight more than your hands. Ganyu giggled a bit.

"Some help would be much appreciated."

The rest of the day didn't feel like work. Ganyu felt the days of her childhood rushing back to her. Days without worry or work. Everything felt warmer, the sun began peeking its head out of the clouds.

"I'll do my best."

You visited Hu Tao on a gloomy day. The clouds were gray and it looked as if it was about to rain. You entered the doors of the funeral parlor with the permission of the ferrylady.

Unfortunately, Hu Tao wasn't feeling very Hu Tao that day. Walking into her office, she seemed lost in thought.

"Hu Tao?"

The gift of candies laud forgotten on the desk. You moved to place a hand on her shoulder. A gesture of your listening presence.

"They're just pranks, and I'm just trying to get business. Like everyone else, its just...different."

Pulling her in for a hug, just being a strong unbreakable pillar for her sake.

"They don't see all the things you do behind the scenes. That makes them immature, not you. I don't think they know why you do the things you do, and you know what? That's okay. You know what you're doing, and that's the best thing you could do. You're doing so well."

Liyue knew you so so well. An unbreakable pillar. A foundation that so many people needed.

What would happen if you ever crumbled? Well, that could never happen.

You visited Xiao on a rainy day. No heavy downpour, just a normal pitter-patter kind of rain.

You held a new dish in your hands, thinking that Xiao should try a new dish. Not to 'be more human' but to just try a different taste of life.

"Why are you still coming here? Its a long way from the harbor."

You simply smiled at the ground and put down the dish. Too afraid to sit on the railing, you opted for the floor.

"Being lonely isn't fun."

"As I thought, you're still so blind. Loneliness is my only company."

You laughed for a moment.

"Guess I should change my name to loneliness then."

You dared not to look at the mighty yaksha. You were just a pathetic human after all. Letting the dish sit in your lap, you outstretched your arms behind you.

"And you can't go around telling people they're blind! We all see things differently. You might think you need to spend eternity in loneliness, but we all crave to be loved or appreciated. Xiao, you're stuck with me."

You closed your eyes and turned towards Xiao, giving him a smile.

You felt the dish being taken from your lap and heard him sit next to you.

He began eating the warm soup.

Today was a bad day to go out. Heavy rain and a dark atmosphere. But you had commissions knocking against your income. You were preoccupied with something else though.

Everyone's busy. I really need some help but everyone's busy and I don't want to bother them.

You admired Qiqi for braving through her life as best as she could.

You admired Zhongli for his wise and comforting views on life.

You admired Ganyu's persistence in her work, but most importantly in herself.

You admired Hu Tao for being herself even when others shamed her for it.

You admired Xiao for living through such mundane life, day after day.

You wanted to be just like them, but you just couldn't do it on some days.

You wanted to hide. You wanted to bitch about your day. You wanted to give up. You wanted to hide yourself to avoid judgement. You wanted something different. Someone different.

Someone who wasn't you.

You never looked as good as everyone else. Your voice never sounded right. Your never seemed to be mentionable or noteworthy. And on some days you were okay with that.

Am I really going to be another grain of salt?

You trudged through the thick mud, ignoring the blisters on your feet. The rain seemed to taunt you as it settled in your clothes, your bones.

All you could taste was steel. You couldn't remember the last meal you ate. You felt so tired. You wanted to just stop everything.

But how could you? How could you when everyone else went on? It was just one last commission. They all have so much on their plate, you couldn't burden them anymore.

But your lungs burnt, you couldn't feel your fingers on your right hand. Where was your weapon? When did you lose your bag?

Why were your eyes so blurry? Everything sounded so loud. You just wanted to sleep. You were tired. You were trying so hard.

Why was it so fucking hard?

Why couldn't you do it? Why were you always so unsure? Why didn't you work as well as the others? Your feet moved by themselves. They weren't going fast enough. Your body wasn't good enough.

You're not enough.

You think you're at your destination. You don't know. Everything feels so unclear. Everything feels wrong.

Then there was warmth on your back. It was so warm, so comforting. It finally lulled you to sleep.

The millileth pulled the mitachurl's firey axe from the back of your corpse.

You were confused when you woke up. A girl with brown hair and a hat was frantically calling someone. You were in a lobby of sorts. There were others talking about people who left. They didn't look like people. They were see through.

See through just like you.

"Aiya! Why aren't you listening to me you idiot! You scared us! What happened?"

The girl seemed to be the only normal person here. Suddenly you felt like you've been ripped from that foggy place.

People were calling the same person's name again. Over and over. You were just trying to continue sleeping when you were violently shaken.

"Hey! Whats your problem!"

You shook the person off of you. A young man with a green tattoo and dark hair. A taller man with amber eyes and brown hair. A woman with horns and silky looking blue hair. That girl from before who wore the hat. A small girl with light purple hair and had a talisman on her hat.

"You're alive! Thank the archons! We were so worried when we heard the news! " The lady with the horns looked as if she was about to cry. You felt bad but the tension was awkward.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are."

Ty for reading! Leave a like and a comment if you enjoyed it! I hope some of yall picked up the hidden meanings hehehe~

Part two here: