#am i depressed or am i just bored? ❯ musings & tendencies

[independentzaun]

3, 8, and/or 9! (Pick and choose to your heart's content.)

3: what sort of things does your muse AVOID in a partner?

Obvious answers are obvious someone that bores him, or is afraid of him or can’t deal with his scars or is constantly going “you need to change because what you do is bad*” and the like. Less obvious answers however… hmmm… apathy. To be clear I don’t mean someone who is beaten down by life, and depressed and can’t see what comes next. In some cases that can create an odd kind of “I wonder who they really are if they came back up out of the deep, and the dark” situation. What I mean is someone who genuinely neither has, nor wants any goals or dreams or anything. They are content to work a 9 to 5, go home with cheap take out, eat, spend some time relaxing and go to sleep and wake up the next day to do it all again with no interest at all in change. If you don’t have some kind of drive, some interest, something to push you forward and make you want something well he just does not understand that at all. It doesn’t even have to be an interest he personally has, but just something that calls to you and you really want to be able to go for.

On a simpler level, liars. He already deals with enough issues worrying about people backstabbing him (be it metaphorically or literally), and he’s not going to deal with a partner that lies. *input as to how he can accomplish his goals without being quite so cruel/single minded is different.

8: does your muse usually take the lead in relationships?

Generally speaking yes. He’s used to power, and control and being in charge. That’s going to bleed over to his relationships so he’s going to have a tendency to want to just pick a restaurant to go to, or an activity or whatever else. With that said he is also well aware different people have different needs and interests, and his attitude is that it’s simpler to encourage that so his partner is happy and he has less drama to deal with. His primary interests are running a criminal empire, revolution, cigars, a bit of men’s fashion, violence, and whiskey most of which doesn’t translate well to dates and time spent together so… if going to that museum with an artist his partner really likes, or an exhibit about a hobby they have or whatever else makes them happy he’s willing to arrange it. With that said it’s probably going to happen on his time, and at his convenience.

9: who are some characters you ship your muse with?

Ooooof that’s a hard one. Most of the canon characters he interacts with I just don’t see them as a ship. To be blunt I head canon Sevika as into women, and don’t see Singed as anything more than a partnership for power. Something with Vander if Vander somehow survived and came back, or set way back in the past maybe could be interesting. I wouldn’t say I ship Silco with Jayce but I could see some interesting lowkey corruption story lines there with Silco teaching Jayce how to use power in a more Zaun style way and less of the smiles and pretty words Piltover way and it’s possible sex gets involved and all. Considering your muse let me say first I am not pushing for anything in anyway, but I could see something interesting with Silco and Viktor. Both driven men with goals and the potential to work together to try to pull Zaun out of the shadow of Piltover. With that said I could also see it just basically being Singed 2.0 and all business so who can say. It really depends on how the interactions go.

I guess TLDR: Is I’m willing to consider a ship between Silco and most characters be it platonic or romantic or whatever else, but I don’t have anything really solid in mind currently. Honestly for me shipping in RP is a lot more about how the writing and interactions go between the versions of characters people are writing then any thing else. I’ve had ships in other fandoms I was really into, but if the writing and stories being told don’t work for that they don’t work… and sometimes I’ve gotten really surprised because a completely unexpected ship happened just from how the writing went.

[getreadytosmash]

1 || 2 || 3 || 5 || 6 || 9 || 10 || 12 || 13 || 22 || 23 || 24 || 25 ][Mental Health Headcanons for Samuel][

@blind-mutant

Has your muse been diagnosed with any mental health conditions? If so, what and when were they diagnosed?

Never been diagnosed but he has some OCD, paranoia, heavy anxiety and depression. And HEAVY insomnia.

Does anyone in your muse’s family experience mental illness?

Samuel's mother suffered from heavy depression which led to her abandonment of her family and both his father and brother, Phil, had rather violent tendencies that never got tested for any posisble illness.

Has your muse experienced any trauma in their life?

The disappearance of his mother, growing up being physically and verbally abused were long range traumas for Samuel but the biggest one he would count as a truama ("After all, child abuse is just another thing in life and it helped me get where I am, Rhys.") Was when the tanks exploded and he was killed in the blast before scremaing for hours in the hospital. Samuel doesn't count any of his deaths after as traumatic.

Talk about your muse’s sleep patterns and quality of sleep.

Samuel....works until he collapses. That's it. He can't sleep like a normal person because he's always thinking so he just pushes himself until he physically can't and then he's dead to the world for about four days straight while talking in his sleep. Then he wakes up and repeats the pattern.

What is the longest your muse has gone without sleep?

Three weeks before things got....messy.

Does your muse tend to worry more about their past regrets or their future fears?

Future regrets. Samuel only worries about what's headed for him, what's wrong and what can go right...also whether or not people like him and whether he'll mess up the good chances he has.

Does your muse have any phobias?

He's scared of failure, being alone in the end, his brother, not being able to know things and then there are the normal fears of loud nosies, not being able to breathe and he used to be scared of death.

Does your muse ever experience lack of interest in things that they usually enjoy?

Yeah, usually when a project has gone wrong or when he can't figure out something. He also had that "ADHD bored" where he just...can't sit for a podcast or show. Samuel hates it.

Has your muse ever experienced dissociation from their surroundings?

Yeah, usually when he starts thinking a lot or reviews detailed plans or just....stares and thinks about the colour blue. But he,,,he doesn't stop walking or what he does??? So many times Red has had to lunge because Samuel almost walked off a steep edge.

Does your muse take any medication for their mental illness?

No, nothing works anymore since Samuel burns through it all but it's fine an overdose is the best medication haha.

What are your muse’s coping mechanisms? Are they healthy?

Nope. Samuel has different methods for everything. Can't sleep? Work until you do. Anxiety? Choke for air while wringing your hands until it passes. Depression ? Work more. That or Samuel just goes into a cleaning spree or breaks stuff just so he can fix it again and again and again until his hands stop shaking.

Where does your muse find fulfillment in life?

In work and having something completely new and amazing. Samuel though is starting to find that helping people...feels pretty good too.

Talk about your muse’s hopes and dreams for the future.

Samuel's a bit lost for that right now. He's more practical about the future, like what work should be finished by the end of the month rather than dreams and hopes. He supposes it's to not die too much? He doesn't know and Samuel doesn't like thinking about it too much before he has an existential crisis again.

[bubonickitten]

Summary: Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Previous chapter: tumblr // AO3

Chapter 6 full text & content warnings under the cut:

   CWs for Chapter 6: some ableism &internalized ableism (re: ADHD & anxiety); panic attacks; one (1) swear, because Jon is BORED and he CAN'T HANDLE IT and it is A MOOD. SPOILERS through S5.

   Chapter 6: Rude Awakening

   Jon is back in that blank vacuum, and time is doing that thing where every moment feels like an eternity. He suspects it might have just as much to do with his innate intolerance of boredom as it does with sensory deprivation. The lack of any sort of stimulation in this place is unbearable. He never has been able to sit still for long periods of time, and he can’t even fidget here, for fucks sake.

  It’s like he’s a child again...

  ...seven years old and lying face-down on the kitchen floor, swinging his legs in the air, complaining loudly about how there’s nothing to do. Normally, his grandmother might snap at him to go outside and stop pestering her, but a vicious thunderstorm is passing through and she won’t let him play in it – and besides, he’s technically grounded.

  Just two days ago, he had wandered off after being forbidden from leaving the yard. Again.

  In his defense, there was a cat sunning itself just beyond the fence, and he wanted to say hello because he loves cats but his grandmother won’t let him have one, and then the cat stood up and yawned and trotted off, and obviously he had to follow it, and then – before he knew it, two officers were escorting him home. Again.

  His grandmother had been shocked to find the police on her doorstep with her intractable grandson in tow – she hadn’t noticed he was missing – yet again.

  After they left, she was furious with him for embarrassing her like that. Again and again and again. 

  So, now he’s under house arrest – a new term that he had picked up from the officers: “Your grandmother is going to put you under house arrest if you keep wandering off like this, kid.” The first couple times, they had found his meanderings and adventurous nature cute, albeit worrisome; by the third time, the charm had worn off and the weary indulgence vanished along with it; by the fourth time, he received a stern dressing down about safety and recklessness and making things difficult for his poor grandmother; and now, the fifth time, there had been a not-so-subtle warning about contacting social services to investigate neglect....  

  With each scolding, Jon would feel appropriately abashed in the moment, but it never took long for it to fade into the background, drowned out by a mind understimulated and screaming for some novel distraction. Somehow, courting negative attention was preferable to receiving no attention at all. When adults were being charitable, they called him precocious and clever. When he was testing their patience, though, he was a difficult child, a nuisance, a bother – and he had a tendency to exhaust even the most tolerant adult’s patience very, very quickly. He's always been... difficult.

  God, why is he even thinking about this? Is he really so starved for something to occupy his attention that he’s digging into the annals of his childhood?

  (Yes. Yes he is.)

  He throws his head back with an aggravated sigh. Or he would, if he had a body here, but whenever there’s no dreamer around to witness him, he’s an incorporeal mind floating in nothingness.

  What he wouldn’t give to be able to just jiggle his leg right now. Tap his fingers. Play with his hair – or better yet, Martin’s; his hair was always so soft and he would always lean into Jon’s touch like a cat. It will probably be awhile before Jon gets to touch him again. If ever. What if –

  Stop, he tells himself. You’re only going to catastrophize, and then you’ll get depressed, and then you’ll be useless. Why are you always so difficult? You –

  He throws the brakes so quickly he can almost feel the screeching halt. Crashing a train of thought like that is like ignoring an itch. Itch, itch, itch, the word echoes in his head – and now he wants to scratch at his worm scars.

  Wait, no, don’t think about them – it’ll just make you itchy, and you don’t even have a body, which means you won’t be able to scratch, and – and, yes, now you’re itchy, and – damn it, can’t you just sit still and clear your mind for five sec–

  “Um. Hello, Jon. Do you… mind if I call you Jon?”

  Wait. Is that…   

  “I mean, you don’t actually know me. It’s just, well. ‘Archivist.’ It’s so formal, isn’t it?”

  Oliver! Finally, Jon thinks with relief.

  “Dreams are like that, you know. No matter how lucid you think they are, there’s always that part that just drags you along. Guess I don’t need to tell you that. At least, not right now.”

  Oliver. Oliver, can you hear me?

  Oliver sighs. “Wish I could tell you why I came here.”

  Apparently not.

  “Wish I knew why I came here.”

  When in doubt, blame the Web.

  “Sorry to go on, I – I don’t talk to many people these days. Putting my thoughts outside myself, it gets a bit, er, clumsy.”

  Jon knows the feeling.

  “Be easier if you could talk back, right? Ask me questions, have it tumble all out?”

  Easier, sure. But far more unpleasant.

  “But no. It’s – it’s just me. Wish there was a better way, but touching someone’s mind, it’s not as simple as that? Doesn’t always make things clearer, you know?”

  Again, Jon does know.

  “Still, I gave the old woman a statement, so maybe I owe you one as well. That’s how it works, right? Give your terror, give your dream?”

  Unfortunately.

  “It’s not like I don’t have them to spare.”

  Preaching to a choir, Oliver.   

  “Let me tell you about how I tried to escape.”

  No – let’s – can we just move things along?

  “So. My name is Oliver Banks. In my other statements, I used the name Antonio Blake, but…”

  Guess not.

  This probably counts as a live statement, and Jon had been keen to avoid those this time around. He wishes he could cover his ears, shut his eyes, block it all out – but then again, even if he could, would he? That familiar single-minded fixation is settling over him like a heavy fog, and it’s as unnerving as ever – a craving that he doesn’t want to indulge, but once he has a taste, it feels right. The guilt never comes until after the need is satiated.

  It’s nearly impossible to stop a statement once it starts. His mind starts to go fuzzy, restless, full of static and pressure. He’s always wondered: is this what compulsion feels like to the ones he turns it upon?

  The static fades then, everything becoming sharp and clear and real, like a picture coming into focus. The Archivist is hungry, intent on every single word like a cat, motionless and unblinking, watching a moth beat itself senseless against a light.

  And the Archive – the Archive is ravenous. Its presence looms in the background in a way that it hasn’t since before Jon passed through the rift, weighing heavily on the back of his mind.  

  He gives up on trying to reach out and touch Oliver’s mind for the time being, gives in to the need, and listens as the story twines itself around and through his thoughts.

  When Oliver finishes his account several minutes later, Jon feels brighter, more alert, reinvigorated. The disgust and shame will creep up on him later, he’s sure, but for now, it feels right. He feels whole. 

  “Right,” Oliver says. “That’s, uh, it, I suppose. Maybe you heard me. Maybe you’ll dream.”

  Oliver, Jon tries again. This time, for the briefest of moments, he thinks he can hear a subdued hum of static. Can you hear me?

  “Then again, maybe I just wasted my breath – but I don’t think so. Honestly, I’m still not exactly sure why I’m here. But you know better than anyone how the spiders can get into your head.”

  You don’t need to rub it in, Jon mutters to himself. 

  “Easier to just do what she asks.”

  I beg to differ. The static picks up again, more of a persistent buzz this time. Oliver, listen –

  “The thing is, Jon, right now you have a choice. You’ve put it off a long time, but it’s trapping you here. You’re not quite human enough to die, but still too human to survive.”

  Yes, yes, I know. The buzz becomes a shrill whine. Oliver!

  “You’re balanced on an edge where the End can’t touch you, but you can’t escape him. I made a choice. We all made choices. Now you have to –”

  Oliver Banks.

  “Um?” 

  Finally, Jon thinks, exasperated.  

  “Jon?” Oliver ventures. “Or, uh – Archivist?” 

  I prefer Jon. 

  “Huh.” Jon can pick up a soft squeaking noise, as if Oliver just leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how you’re even doing this.”

  Neither do I, but I don’t exactly have time to contemplate that right now –

  “I suppose it’s similar to Elias’ ability to broadcast knowledge into another person’s mind,” Oliver muses, almost to himself.

  Oh. It… it is, isn’t it? That’s… not a comforting thought.

  “I didn’t realize it was something the Archivist could do as well. I thought your job was more… acquiring knowledge, pulling answers out of people, not impressing it upon them.”

  I’d… really rather not dwell on it, Jon says, tamping down the burst of fear that surges through him at the thought of comparing himself to Jonah. His mind has gotten trapped in that particular rut many times before, and it's never a good place to be.

  Either Oliver respects Jon's wishes or simply doesn't care to waste energy pressing him on the matter, because he drops it and moves on to the main reason for his visit.  

  “Have you made your choice, Jon?”

  I made my choice months ago. I just couldn’t figure out how to – how to act on it. How to actually wake up.

  “I confess, I’m surprised to hear you declare your choice with such confidence.” Jon hears fabric rustling – Oliver crossing his legs, maybe? “I was led to believe that you were… almost pathologically indecisive.”

  I… usually am, Jon admits, though Oliver’s phrasing is too incisive for his comfort. But I made my choice, and I’d like to follow through on it now.

  “Ah. Well.” Oliver sounds uncharacteristically perturbed. It almost reminds Jon of himself when he's unable to Know something. “Not sure why you couldn't before?” 

  Jon wonders if it has something to do with being newly well-fed. Or maybe he just needed direct contact from the End? Speaking of – he can feel Oliver’s eyes riveted on him, quietly observing and calculating as if trying to get an accurate estimate of the Archivist.   

  “But – but you definitely can now. The roots are...” Oliver falters, and Jon thinks he can feel him lean in closer. “There’s something… off about you. The roots, they look… sick. Wrong. And the threads are – are tangled.” Another pause. “Can you explain it?”

  Not here. I don’t want Elias listening in.

  “Doesn’t he have eyes everywhere?”

  Almost everywhere. The tunnels under the Institute are… a blind spot, sort of.  

  “And you would discuss it there?”

  Within reason, Jon says warily.

  He doubts whether Oliver would ever be an ally – judging from the statement he gave during the apocalypse, he’s too fatalistic to intervene one way or the other – but he doesn’t feel like an enemy, either. Maybe he would be interested in sharing information, or even just letting Jon bounce strategies and theories off of him? It might be helpful, having a mostly-neutral Avatar to consult.

  Also, there's just something… lonely about Oliver.

  If nothing else, it would be a break from the monotony for you, Jon adds.  

  “I don’t know how I feel about visiting the Institute again. Not out of fear for my safety, mind. Just don’t like the feeling of being watched. Feels… I don’t know. Slimy.”

  That’s one word for it.

  “Apologies. I’m not a wordsmith, if you haven’t noticed.” Jon can hear Oliver shifting uneasily in his seat now. He really is awkward, isn’t he? 

  I don't know, I’m sure you could put together a decent sermon on… existentialist philosophy, or macroeconomics, or the inevitability of death and taxes, or – or something.   

  “I’m not exactly pleasant company.” He says it matter-of-fact, but Jon thinks he can detect a trace of melancholy underneath the customary impassiveness. “People tend to be… unsettled when they meet a walking, talking memento mori.”

  No more unsettling than talking to an incarnation of paranoia and terrible knowledge, Jon says sardonically. Also, the vulnerability inherent to being seen. Maybe some of the more vexing aspects of academia as well. 

  Oliver chuckles at that, but cuts it short. It's almost like he didn't expect it. Jon thinks maybe he can understand. Go long enough without laughing, and when you finally do, it will come out sounding all wrong to your ears. Like an out-of-tune piano, Martin said once. You have a nice laugh, Jon. You just aren't used to hearing it, and right now it's a bit rusty from disuse.  

  “I don’t know that I was ever good company,” says Oliver after a moment. 

  Can’t be any worse than I am, Jon says lightly. Maybe you’re just out of practice.

  “Perhaps,” Oliver says evasively.

  Well, consider it an open invitation. Just... I don't know. Keep it in mind.

  “Not like I can forget anything.”

  Quite a curse, isn’t it?

  “I’ve made my peace with it.”

  I know, Jon replies. If he’s honest with himself, he can’t help but envy Oliver to an extent – how secure he is in his role, his tranquil embrace of his destiny.

  Jon isn’t being fair, though, is he? Oliver went through hell to achieve his current level of humble acceptance, and regardless of either of their current perspectives on fate and free will, the fact remains that they were both forced into making impossible choices under duress. They’ve both become something they never expected or wanted or asked to be, and... it doesn't seem like Oliver deserved it. On his good days, Jon thinks maybe he didn't, either.

  “I’ll… consider the offer.” Jon can detect just a hint of curiosity beneath the reticence.

  Before Jon can reply, though, he hears the door open and close.   

  “Can I help you?” Georgie’s voice, slicing through the quiet like the crack of a whip.

  “Oh, I – I’m a friend,” Oliver says quickly, clearly taken by surprise. “Of Jon’s.”

  “Are you, now.” The hard edge to her tone turns icy, and Jon can’t help feeling sorry for Oliver, pinned under that uncompromising stare of hers.   

  “Uh, y-yes.”

  “Right. Just haven’t seen you visiting before.”

  “Um, I’ve… been out of town!”

  If Jon had any control over his body, he would put his head in his hands right now. Apparently Oliver is just as bad at lying on the spot as Jon is, and unfortunately for him, Georgie happens to be a natural lie detector.

  “Right,” Georgie replies flatly. “The nurse didn’t say anyone else was here.”

  “Oh! Oh – oh, well. Sorry if I surprised you.”

  “It’s fine.”

  It’s not.

  “I’m Antonio!” Oliver blurts out, and Jon cringes with secondhand embarrassment.

  “Sure,” Georgie says, voice dripping with disdain. “I think you’re done here.”

  “Oh. Uh, right…” Oliver’s chair scrapes against the floor as he stands up. “Have I upset you, miss –”

  Bad move. Georgie hates being referred to as 'miss.'

  “No, you just remind me of someone.”

  “Ah. I’m sorry. Were they –”

  “Evil. Yes.”

  “Uh. Okay, then.” It’s almost funny, an Avatar of death itself shrinking under Georgie’s scrutiny. Then again, she would likely be a force to be reckoned with even if she hadn’t lost her ability to feel fear. “Well, I just – well, I guess I should just go.”

  “I guess you should.”

  “Um. Goodbye, Jon. I guess I –”

  “Goodbye!” Georgie says, putting on a transparently false cheery tone, and Jon can make out Oliver’s harried footsteps as Georgie ushers him out.

  Once the door clicks shut, Jon hears her approach him again.

  “Sorry about that, Jon, but you really don’t need friends like tha– wait. Did…?” More footsteps; then the door opens again, and Jon hears Georgie’s voice echoing distantly down the corridor. “Hey! Hey, get back here! I need to talk to you!”

  Jon wonders if Oliver's already gotten away.

  Oh, Jon thinks suddenly, she’s… not going to be pleased if she finds out I tried to make friends with the grim reaper. Neither is Martin, come to think of it.

  He feels a twinge of guilt and worry. He’s not yet woken up, and already he’s doing things that Georgie might see as careless and self-destructive. Still, though… he doesn’t think Oliver is evil, or even particularly threatening. If anything, Jon thinks he knows now how Naomi must have felt, watching some eldritch monster fumble a conversation like any other mundane human grappling with social anxiety.

  Well, what’s done is done. Oliver might not even take Jon up on the offer. No use worrying about it at the moment.

  He needs to focus on waking up.

       Unfortunately, Oliver didn’t explain exactly how Jon should go about waking up.

  His first instinct is to think of Martin. With practiced ease, he reaches out for a memory, and –  

  Jon has always had an unexpected sweet tooth. He never really mentioned it to any of his coworkers. It’s not that he’s self-conscious about it; it’s more that he just never thought to share unsolicited facts about himself. Most people would take one look at Jon and either assume he takes his tea black, or that he’d prefer to fix it himself – and the latter wasn’t an unfair assumption. Martin, though… somehow, he figured it out.

  It took some trial-and-error, though at the time, Jon never noticed that Martin was deliberately trying to puzzle it out. Eventually he settled on the exact right formula, and Jon – well, by the time he realized, it felt like too much time had passed to remark on it. He was never very good at compliments anyway, giving or receiving. From that point forward, though, w henever Jon was having a particularly rough day – which, by their standards, was saying a lot – Martin would make Jon’s tea sweeter than usual. It was such a small gesture in the face of the horrors that permeated all of their lives, but in retrospect, it spoke volumes.

  Jon took forever to notice all those little gestures. He still feels like an ass for how ungrateful he was back then, but it just never occurred to him that anyone would put that much time or effort into learning his preferences, especially something so mundane as how he takes his tea. Jon barely put any thought into his own comfort, let alone that of others.  

  But Martin isn’t like Jon.

  Jon has long marveled at how kindness seems to come so naturally to Martin. As much as it might seem like he just preternaturally knows the exact right things to say and do when he sees someone hurting, though, it was never effortless: Martin cares deliberately, painstakingly, actively. He prides himself on that attention to detail, on all the little acts of kindness and consideration that, when put together, make him the most thoughtful person Jon has ever met. 

  Of course, Jon also feels a wrench in his heart every time he thinks about how and why Martin cultivated that caretaker skill set in the first place. They talked about a lot of things, after the Lonely, and the truth had come out little by little: Martin had never had anyone in his life who loved him unconditionally. From an early age, he tried desperately to curry favor with a mother who resented him for reasons he could not help and that she would never explain. It bled into all areas of his life. Every adult role model, every passing friendship, each of his few short-lived intimate relationships was a link in a long chain of giving and sacrificing and carefully policing himself to meet others’ expectations at the cost of his own vivid inner life – and never once did he receive anything meaningful in return. For too long, Jon was a link in that chain himself. 

  Martin had learned to measure his worth by whether and how he could be of use to others, and always found himself wanting. Jon could relate to that unhealthy preoccupation with making himself useful, but for him, it manifested as workaholic tendencies, harsh self-criticism, and a fear of letting anyone get so close that it would actually hurt when they inevitably grew tired of him – though at the time, he would have said he just had a preference for his own company. (Funny, in retrospect; he's never been good company for himself.) Martin sought to be noticed and loved; Jon ran headlong in the other direction, unable to tolerate the vulnerability of being known or the risk of being abandoned.

  He suspects that Martin would be compassionate regardless, though. And it's admirable, it's beautiful, it's brave, and Jon loves that about him – but Martin shouldn't have had to go through hell in the process of nurturing that trait. Trauma didn't help him grow; it only twisted his definition of caring until it became an instrument of self-harm. As they navigated their relationship, Martin did get better at setting boundaries and communicating his needs. It never made him any less compassionate towards Jon or anyone else. He just learned that he deserved compassion as well - from others and from himself.  

  Jon will always be in awe of how after everything – how Jon treated him in the beginning, how Jon left him alone and grieving in the aftermath of the Unknowing, how thoroughly the Lonely pervaded his life – Martin never once lost that instinct. He admitted to Jon that by the time Peter threw him into the Lonely, caring didn’t feel natural anymore. He was too numb and isolated to really feel a connection to other people. His empathy had been drained away. But even in its absence, Martin still made the effort to care. He still believed that human connection was important, even if he believed that he couldn’t experience it himself.

  And after the world ended, when Jon was deep in his grief and hopelessness, Martin stayed by his side. Jon told him that this was no longer a world where they could trust comfort – but Martin responded with patience and kindness. He put comfort into a world where it seemed like none could exist, and Jon will always be in awe of how Martin could just… do that, and with such confidence – stubbornness, almost.

  Even after Jon lost him, the memories of these moments anchored him. To hope, to care, to try – it was worth it. Or, as Martin told him more than once: “The fog doesn’t go on forever, even if sometimes it seems like it.”

  Martin will be okay. He has to be. Jon just has to find his way back to him. He’s done it before; he can do it again. He just has to wake up.  

  “–m trying – help – came to me.”

  Lost in thought, Jon almost doesn’t register the voices. They’ve been there in the background for a few minutes now, he realizes belatedly – they just hadn’t penetrated his conscious awareness. It’s like listening through six feet of soil – he curses his brain for immediately reaching for that mental image – and he strains to translate the dampened noise into coherent words.

  “I came to Melanie.”

  Georgie!

  “Well, sorry. Right now, I’m it.”

  Distantly, Jon can hear the steady ticking of a clock, and he spares a moment to be thankful that he couldn’t hear it the entire time he was asleep. It would have made his restlessness even more intolerable, and – as his thoughts veer off track, the voices go muffled again. Damn it.

  It takes him a few seconds to refocus his attention.

  “– don’t know why this guy would have left a tape recorder?”

  Basira.

  “You’re the detective,” Georgie says.

  “And you’re sure it was him who left it?”

  Jon didn’t hear this part the first time around, but he can safely assume they’re talking about Oliver.

  “I mean, the nurses said there were no others visitors, so…” Georgie takes a breath. “Unless it appeared by magic?” A pause; Jon can practically hear Basira’s eyebrows raise. “What, seriously?”

  “I don’t know,” Basira sighs. “The whole tape thing is… I don’t know.”

  To be honest, Jon doesn’t Know, either. That was always one of the things that the Beholding kept to itself, much to his chagrin. 

  “Right, well… I showed you like you asked, so –”

  Breathe, Jon tells himself. Time to wake up.

  “Shh,” Basira interrupts. Jon can hear movement nearby. “Down here.”

  Come on. Inhale –

  Jon can feel his lungs expand ever so slightly.

  “I told you.”

  Good. Exhale, now.

  Jon’s lungs contract, and some of the feeling starts to come into his extremities. He experimentally tries to move his hands and one of his fingers twitches, brushing against the coarse hospital linens. At least it's something. 

  “This is the one?”

  Wake up, Jon, he tells himself, attempting to overlay his thoughts with compulsion. He tries to wiggle his toes, but it doesn’t seem like they’ve gotten the memo just yet. Come on, this is the part where you woke up before. Just – just wake up –

  “Sure.”

  Jon feels a brief stab of panic – Why can’t I wake up? – and then he feels his heart stutter in his chest. A telltale pins-and-needles sensation begins to spread in his fingers and – this is probably the first time he’s been relieved to experience the precursors to a panic attack.

  It’s a good sign, he tells himself. You’re connected to your body again, so just – 

  “You don’t sound very sure,” Basira says.

  It isn’t working. Why isn’t it working?

  Come on, open your eyes –

  “I mean – I don’t know. It might be a different model, maybe? I thought it was plastic – but yeah.”

  Just sit up, just – wake up, Jon.

  Nothing.

  Neither Basira nor Georgie speak.

  The tick of the clock is deafening.

  Wait, Jon thinks. What if…

  “So what does it mean?” Georgie says eventually.

  Open your eyes, Archivist.

  His eyes fly open and he sits bolt upright with a gasp.

  “Jon!” Georgie yelps, jolting backwards as Basira simultaneously breathes, “Jesus.”

  Clutching his throat with one hand, Jon continues to struggle for air in deep, rasping gulps. Each breath comes with a sharp pang and an uncomfortable tightness in his chest, his lungs protesting after months of disuse and refusing to completely expand.    

  Eventually, although he can still only manage half-breaths, he looks up at Georgie and Basira. Intending to apologize for frightening them, he opens his mouth and – 

  The tape recorder under his bed clicks on with an earsplitting, static-leaden whine.

  Both women startle again, and Jon’s posture goes rigid, his other hand coming up to rest against his throat.

  Sorry, he tries to say again, but nothing comes out, and the tape recorder emits another blast of white noise.

  Basira and Georgie are watching him closely now – Georgie with concern, Basira with suspicion. Jon looks back with terrified eyes, panic blanketing him with all the weight of the Buried.

  No, Jon thinks to himself, not again –

  As his vision starts to blur, both trembling hands leave his neck and reach up to cover his mouth.   

  “Jon,” Georgie says gently, approaching his bedside again, “what’s wrong?”

  Jon’s eyes squeeze shut, sending two streaks of tears trickling down his cheeks, and he shakes his head frantically. He tries desperately to stifle the whimper building in his chest, but it’s creeping up on him anyway.

  “Breathe, Jon.” When Georgie rests her hand gently on his shoulder, he flinches violently away. She pulls back, holding both hands up palms-out in a pacifying gesture. “Okay,” she says evenly, “okay. No touching.”

  Jon has had these episodes for most of his life, and Georgie had witnessed more than a few while they were dating – though they were nowhere near as frequent then as they are now. It's been awhile, but Georgie easily slips into the same soothing tone she would always use. 

  His brain is already tuning her out, though.

  I can’t – I can’t –

  The Archive prowls forward and settles in just behind his eyes, an opportunistic vulture watching intently for its next meal. If he really needs to use his voice, the library is available for reference. He just has to –

  No – please, no –

  Who is he even talking to?

  Jon draws his knees up and locks his arms around them, curling his shoulders in and hunching forward to hide his face. He takes a shuddering breath in. It comes out as a strangled sob.

  What am I supposed to do now?

     End Notes:

Shorter chapter than usual this time since it was originally part of the previous chapter, BUT that kind of felt like a good place to end it for now. I hope to have Chapter 7 ready to go by early next week. Now we REALLY get into some S4 canon divergence.

Oliver's dialogue (up until the point where he starts having an actual conversation with Jon) is from MAG 121; Georgie & Basira's dialogue (up until the point where Jon wakes up) is from MAG 122.

So! For those who like Archive-speak Jon: yes there will be more of that starting next chapter. For those who don't: there will still be original dialogue too. I like writing him both ways too much, so expect a mix from here on out. (Some chapters may have more or less depending on what state Jon's in at any given moment. I'm playing around with some concepts.)

I should probably note at this point that a lot of how I write Jon's ADHD, anxiety, and other mental health stuff is heavily based on my own experiences with neurodivergence. It doesn't mean everyone experiences these diagnoses/symptoms in the same way, though. c:

[sonderrow-moved]

                           LINK TO QUINN            LINK TO JAEL           LINK TO ROY

LIKE for a preestablished relationship/plotting line with Archer… BUT have at least one category in mind before I hop in your IMs!

I entirely get the urge of wanting to roleplay, expand our muses together, and this is my personal starting pack for Archer! If you’re hooked to one category but don’t think your muse can fit still HMU about it and I’ll see how we can work that out!

REMINDER I HAVE A LOT OF THREADS. Like often a lot. Roleplaying is something that effortlessly really relaxes me, but I am still one human. I like to see all my threads through no matter how long the wait is and do my best ! Thus we might not be threading right off the bat depending on how much stuff I have, but everything established can get into asks, dash shenanigans, etc. What matters is that it shapes our characters. 🙏

BUSINESS PEERS. Archer’s professional and very efficient work ethic made him notorious in unspoken matters as someone who will get things done with no needs of public recognition… which would lead to inner, private and ultimately more treasured recognition. He used to have clients, partners and met a lot of others at parties he went frequently to, mostly charity parties often disguised as business ones. Those partners may have known his father, maybe his grandfather, or maybe they’re fresh right out the bat, maybe the Kessler company sought them, maybe your muse’s company sought them and you stumbled upon him. Mind you that Archer has made the scandalous decision to sell the majority of his actions towards the company and doesn’t get more involved than necessary with its activities. This profile fits to every muse high enough in the business ranks to meet Archer; at least chief of a team in a department. It’s all about title. Do be reminded that the Kessler company is known to have an illegal and scandalous history as of NOW and that a lawful good muse would probably not want to be associated with it, or any muse wanting to go legal.

LEGAL WORKERS. With the horribly enormous pile of cases Archer’s been involved with, he needs a lawyer cabinet to back him and his business. Multiple ones. Maybe it is a genuinely crooked one, or a blindly optimistic one who believes his claims of innocence and being against the world, maybe the whole cabinet is broken and as a newly employed lawyer you are still too innocent until you notice. Law enforcers and government representatives knows how much Archer is guilty (or not), making him infamous in their ranks as one of those irritating cases where the system doesn’t seem to work. For muses working in the justice system, on any side, from judge to prison guard.

“FRIENDS”. Archer lost all of his friends when he was accused and imprisoned. He would have done the same thing; every one who was still linked by friendship to him risked everything. You’re one of those, because you’re not an idiot… or maybe you are and you did lose everything to keep your integrity. Or maybe you really were too stupid and loyal and believed Archer did nothing. This applies to particular muses who can fit in a scenario like this. Although for the sake of social standing Archer could “befriend” quite some people, he had a particular preference towards artists and introverted yet talented minds who had lots of potential, wanting to make them grow.

CRIMINALS. Con artists, mafiosos, yakuzas, drug dealers, maybe assassins, thieves, hackers, corrupted law enforcement agents, rich guys with illegal fetishes… Archer has dealt at least with all of them at least once. As a “cleaner” before he finally sat down on the CEO chair, Archer was the one who by circumstances became known for his professionalism, cool head and ability to erase any evidence from even the most alarming and need-to-be-quickly-done situation. Even a killer who does so as a hobby or for personal gain would eventually be caught as he goes on, unless he can take a contract or too, and have him give a helping hand in exchange for secrecy.  This applies to muses with at least a medium-ranked profile in the underground (so no simple alley drug dealer unless plotted).

ENTERTAINERS & SEX WORKERS. Given how Archer sees sex as being an extremely powerful tool, he often got around the latter, choosing carefully which escort he’ll personally put at his services. Archer kept the best ones at hand, to please contacts and clients. He respects them for their work, but he wanted professionalism from you and not cry if you got almost cut in half after a night. Although he stepped down from his CEO position, Archer was pushed into his sire’s hotel line, which secretly dealt with human trafficking and prostitution. With his experience, he slowly is coming back and is moving all his contacts over there, wanting to change his approach. Despite the need of running a very real business, he cannot ignore the amount of work his sire’s illegal business brings. This profile fills every muse working in the sex business outside camshows and movies. They don’t have to be the ones close to Archer.

VICTIM(S). Archer is a very high-rated criminal. Although he has only been found guilty of extortion, corruption, blackmailing, piracy and other business-linked crimes, he was accused but not found guilty of sequestration, serial murder, serial rape, torture, committing indignity to a body, publishing obscene material, harassment, insert lots of other legal terms surrounding this. Accusations which have been highly mediatized given how high profile he was at the time, him being used as a scapegoat and the scandal only worsened when it was said it was both on minors and adults. I won’t get too much on what the truth is, but if you’d like your muse to be victim of Archer’s real crime(s), do hit me up I’ll be very selective on this given it’s important to his background story. This profile would fit highly disturbed muse, hobos, prostitutes, people living in very poor districts, pretty much people who have the perfect victim profile. OR it can also be other businessmen, common people, those who would have their life ruined indirectly or directly any organization Archer was or is involved with, the most common being as putting you in debt with the mafia knocking at your door to kill you, break your legs or torture someone you love until you give them what they want.

NEAR THE VICTIM(S). There are suspicions your friend/lover/brother/whatever was done wrong because of Archer. Maybe you’re the one who pressed charges. Maybe it’s not you, but in some way you were involved indirectly in the scandal and it did something to you and you have your own opinion on it. Maybe you seek where Archer is to kill him, maybe just talk to him and understand… something.This profile fits a muse who has lost someone close to them in suspicious circumstances.

PARTNER IN CRIME. You were there and you liked every bit of it probably (or if not you’re surely dead). VERY SELECTIVE. This profile fits muse with probable sociopathic and/or psychopathic tendencies who knows their way across the most fucked-up places of the underworld.

OBSESSION. High profile criminals with atrocious records are known to, sadly, have, yes,fans. Your muse believes that Archer did most of what he was accused for, choose to your discretion. Maybe they wanted to visit him, maybe they sent him gifts and mails, maybe they were already almost obsessed with him BEFORE he was accused given his bit of a disturbed but extremely charismatic and successful behavior and just FELL more as he was sequestrated. This profile fits muse going to the simple nerd with morbid curiosity to the very intense stalker.

MATCHMAKING. Since his teens, Archer has met multiple people for a potential marriage; the woman in question and the relatives that accompany her. And… when bored, his sister has the nasty habit of wanting to play matchmaker with him; Archer may not be the best person, but he’d hate to not make up to someone his hell of a relative tricked. Self explanatory. Archer’s sister, Eve (Everleigh), is owner of two modern galleries, so single people susceptible to befriend her could fall into that trap.

SCHOOL FACES. Archer cut next to every tie which couldn’t help in business after he graduated from university. It was brutal and without much warning although given how he was drawn to his duty, nobody was surprised. Archer got schooled at home as a child after becoming a depressed before going to a rich high-end private school. Afterwards, he became a star tennis player and the moral support of the team. He was also the president of a literature club where he was able to bond a bit with nerds and was known to tutors younger kids he believed had potential to help his reputation or parents who had power to help his family. Archer was mostly loved by everyone, but still bullied the weak or didn’t hesitate to stomp on other to raise himself higher. Victims of his young impulses, partner or rival in the tennis court, maybe the librarian, maybe a classmate, maybe someone from another school who always saw him and wanted to know him. This profile fits muses that Archer would not talk to unless he knew them from the past. Mostly younger muses that leads a life that has nothing to do with his work. RP can be during his younger years or simply skipped to the main verse.

MEALS. As a vampire, Archer consolidated his hypnotic powers and feeding, starting to leave some preys alive, but dazed and forgetful at times. On top of the numbness and blinding aphrodisiac the poison in his biting provides, he is able to leave the impression like their meeting was a dream; victims will remember vaguely his face, voice or other depending on characters, but not remember the feeding. However, willing and loyal ones may even befriend Archer, who finds consenting people much easier to deal with than laying bodies and sudden disappearances. This profile fits grey morale muses, ones who loves the supernatural, masochists, etc. who’d trade their blood and silence in exchange of being around a vampire. Archer only feeds on females if they ask directly for it or if there is nothing else, highly preferring to feed on males, which is linked to his sexual preferences.

RED LIGHT DISTRICT. Archer has become a prominent figure of the red light district; as the one guy who owned everything (which is not true, but blown out of proportions). Due to the forceful, ruthless and undeniably lustful reputation his sire has, being the envoy puts him in a powerful position where the line between him and the one who turned him might blur to others, as if they were the same person. Anything new in the district goes through him and pros and cons are weighted for healthy competition. Outside the hotels and their affiliated businesses, Archer personally owns two bars; one is lounge gay bar and the other one of the same style, only for the supernaturals of every shape and form, with products to cater their needs. Both are actually places made to cater to his difficult and high maintenance taste; if you cannot find it, do it yourself. Those bars include their own staff, which he selects himself to make sure nobody he would find inappropriate works under his image. As for the hotel line itself, it includes its own staff, administration, underground administration and staff, restaurant staff and entertainment staff for diverse shows and parties thrown. This profile fits any muse which would frequent the red light district, from newcomers to others looking for a job, frequent visitors and owners of businesses. From the woman who runs an escort club with a heart of steel to the bartender who just wants to pay his education fees to the security guard who has nightmare about the noises he hears behind closed doors.

HITMEN. You were paid to fuck with him, but thing is it’s pretty complicated. This profile is picky since obviously the attempt is going to fail and you cannot always RP back and forth attempts. This would be nearly a comical bond with a need to plot a resolution depending on your muse!

SUBMISSIVES. Archer’s history as a dom was… infamous. Long story short, he was known to be good, but dangerous. With a more stable mind he wouldn’t mind going back to one of his favorite hobbies. The deal is simple; he owns the person obviously, no penetration sex, no deep kissing, no romance (which doesn’t mean no affection or love) and not to start screaming about it on the streets. Although he wouldn’t mind so much now to play by the rules, if allowed Archer will become ruthless, enjoying giving permanent marks on others and inflict gradually harsher punishments or rewards. This profile fits, well, masochists and submissives people, from any form and shape really (a victim is a victim) who are willing to give their body for a mutual game, be they be paying Archer or not. Very selective… because Archer is difficult. The way he treats your muse can be from pretty sweet to downward harsh… entirely depends on what degree he finds your muse attractive. Beware scars and broken parts. Sessions can last from one evening to a whole weekend.

MISC.I’ll add more when I think of them! DO THROW ME YOUR IDEAS LET’S GO.

Like with any interaction, relationships are officially in the singleverse timeline if it is roleplayed to a minimum extensively. Looking forwards to write with you!

[yjsangjun-blog]

                       𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖌 — 𝖇𝖆𝖊𝖐 ‘𝖘𝖆𝖒’ 𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖏𝖚𝖓.

hi hello. i’m cait, i’m 25, i go by she/her pronouns and i live in cst! i am a hot mess who loves causing her characters pain & angst…. i also love ruining their lives on a daily basis.

this is my babe sangjun who’s a lil bit messy ( much like most of my characters ) and you can find basic stats / bullet point bio / basic personality info / basic plot ideas & stuff like that for him under the cut! if you want more in depth info message me bc honestly this intro post is … oof !!! it’s also kinda long so lemme apologize for that as well !!!

but i am super excited to be here and i can’t wait to plot with ya’ll & love your babies !!!! if you’d like to plot, please feel free to IM me on here, ask for my discord or like this post & i’ll come to you !!!

tw: mentions of alcohol / alcoholism, drugs / drug abuse, bullying & violence.

                                         BASIC INFO ( PT 1. )

FACECLAIM: min yoongi + suga + rapper. CHARACTER NAME: baek 'sam' sangjun. PRONOUNS: he/him. GENDER: cismale. AGE/BIRTHDAY: twenty-six. + june eleventh. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. ROOM: haean + 2e.

                                           OTHER INFO

POSITIVE TRAITS: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. NEGATIVE TRAITS: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. OCCUPATION: bouncer at club arena / underground fighter. ( future ceo ) SONG THAT DESCRIBES THEM: i'm not sorry - dean. HOW LONG HAVE THEY LIVED AT THE YUJAEN?: six years. FOUR MUSE AESTHETICS: leather jackets, bruised knuckles, blurry evenings, late night snack runs.

                                      BASIC INFO ( PT 2. )

full name: baek sangjun. nickname(s): sam, san, jun. hometown: seoul, south korea current location: yongsa, south korea. ethnicity: korean. nationality: korean. gender: cismale. pronouns: he/him/his. orientation: pansexual. occupation: bouncer / underground fighter. language(s) spoken: korean, english, japanese, spanish, french, chinese.

                                PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: min yoongi. ( suga ) of bts. hair color: frequently changes, currently platinum blonde. eye color: brown with a small hazel ring. height: 5'10". weight: 169. build: athletic. tattoos: he’s got a few stick-n-poke tattoos scattered across his body, though most aren’t visible when he’s wearing clothing. piercings: these, double helix in left ear & tongue.

                                             HEALTH.

physical ailments: alcoholism, allergies, drug abuse, lactose intolerance. neurological conditions: back pain / muscle spasms, carpal tunnel. allergies: shellfish, pollen, mold. sleeping habits: all over the place, usually tosses & turns for a while before falling asleep. rarely gets more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. eating habits: horrible, relies on fast-food & take-out most of the time. loves 'comfort foods’. exercise habits: goes to the gym at least three times a week, less if he’s been in back-to-back fights. body temperature: hotnatured. addictions: alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, gambling, sex. drug use: frequent. alcohol use: frequent.

                                       PERSONALITY. ( PT 1. )

label: the cataclysmic. positive traits: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. negative traits: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. fears: heights, flying, confined spaces, drowning, commitment. hobbies: arcade games, astronomy, billiards, board games, boxing, card games, comic books, cooking, motorcycles, poker, reading, video games, weight training, yoga. habits / quirks: believes in demonic possession, believes in ghosts & spirits, believes in karma, carries a 'lucky’ item with him everywhere, fights for animal rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for the legalization of cannabis, fights for marriage equality, meditates, always has change in his pockets, owns an outrageous amount of shoes, counts stairs, experiences episodes of depression, boxes, collects packs of playing cards, doodles on everything, gardens, loves board games, paints, plays with fire, plays poker, plays video games, randomly wanders around when bored, sings well.

                                               FAVORITES.

season: fall. color(s): army green, black, red, gray. music: all genres, doesn’t care for country. movies: action, comedy, horror, suspense. sport(s): hockey, basketball, baseball. beverage(s): whiskey, soda. food: comfort foods. animal: dogs.

                                                    FAMILY.

father: baek jaejin, sixty, ceo. mother: baek chansook, fifty-four, ceo. sibling(s): younger sibling, nineteen. children: n/a. pet(s): a siamese cat named ramen ( back at home with his parents ), a bengal cat named shiva ( back at home with his parents ) & a seven month old austrailan sheppard puppy named indy ( lives with his sibling. ) family’s financial status: upper class.

                                                   EXTRAS.

mbti: entp-a. ( the debater ) enneagram: type 8. ( the challenger ) temperament: choleric. hogwarts house: slytherin. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. primary vice: wrath. primary virtue: diligence. element: fire.

                                                BIOGRAPHY.

born in seoul, south korea.

parents were very well known ceos, both running very successful corporations.

and of course, they wanted sangjun to follow in their footsteps.

parents were pretty strict and didn’t really allow him to do well.. anything.

however, they did buy him whatever he wanted and spoiled him in that way.

and due to both of those things combined, he started to rebel at a really young age. ( i’m talking like 10 )

so he’d sneak out, graffiti people’s houses and break things and the likes.

never got caught for it, though, knowing that if he did his parents would have kicked him out and probably disowned him for his behavior.

but one of the reasons he never got caught being a rebel was the fact he was bringing straight a’s in school, was always the very top of his class and from his parent’s perspective? he was a model child.

however, he hated that, hated having to live under his parent’s shadows and be this cookie-cutter version of himself they wanted him so desperately to be.

but he played it off, juggling the 'angel’ side of him with the rebellious tendencies that continued to grow worse and worse with each passing year.

god, high school was so different, though. he’d rebel more and more every single day, pushing the limits of getting caught.

however, word got out pretty quickly about just how wealthy his family was and kids started to bully sangjun for it, causing his anger to get the better of him until he lashed out so bad it landed one of those bullies in the hospital for copious amounts of injuries.

of course, his parents were pissed. grounded him for a solid month and in that time, he learned each and every way he could sneak out of his house at night, wandering the streets of seoul at all hours.

one of those nights he happened to run into a group of people who also went to his school, but instead of them bullying him for whatever reason, they commended him on standing up for himself like he had & told him there was a way to let out the pent up aggression that ended up sending a kid to the hospital.

his curiosity was lit up that night, eager to figure out what the hell they were talking about and a few days later, he was introduced to a scene that’d become far more intoxicating that anything he’d ever experienced before.

underground fighting. no rules, no shadows he had to live under, tons of money for each win under his belt? it was the life he never knew he wanted, but the second he got a taste of it, he wanted more.

so those late night strolls turned into him sneaking out of the house only to meet up with his new group of friends, all of which were clad in full black outfits .. traveling to some random person’s basement ( or abandoned buildings of numerous kinds ) only for sangjun to be able to release every single bit of pent up aggression he carried out on some stranger who’d never remember his name.

his parents? they were just as clueless as before, though, sam continuing to excel in school as well as his fights so much so that he found the perfect balance.. learned how to hide the scrapes and bruises from his mother & father all while continuing to be the top of his class.

not to mention he was juggling all of that and his acting career all at once, trying to hide certain things from his parents and the rest of the world because he knew it’d ruin his reputation.

however, due to the amount of stress that sat upon sam’s shoulders on a daily basis, he let himself slip up on his 21st birthday, parents stumbling into his apartment only to catch him drunk & high with a bunch of strangers surrounding him.

it was a moment he’d been scared of his whole life, worried his parents would just disown him right then and there...

but in all honesty? it was the most freeing night of sam’s life.

he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t anymore, didn’t have to pretend to be a pure and innocent little thing who never did anything wrong. didn’t have to live up to the high expectations he’d set for himself so many years ago and god, he was hooked.

his parents not disowning him and continuing to pay for everything he wanted only fueling him to continue the downward spiral, living his life to the fullest, doing whatever the hell he wanted to... whenever the hell he wanted to.

                                      PERSONALITY. ( PT 2. )

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him. ( though it’s all a ruse. )

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

has two different wardrobes, one for when he’s around his parents. that consists of suits & dressy attire. and then one for when he isn’t that consists of ripped jeans, t-shirts, sweats & everything in between.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

his motorcycle is literally his baby ??? like he ?? has a problem ??

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at his parents meetings and the likes.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s actually v scared & stressed on the inside because that’ll cause him to start having to deal with his feelings, and he doesn’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet?? like if he’s speaking to you… its usually flirty as hell unless it has to do w business ( both his parents & his fights ) or he’s just known you for centuries ?

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell ??

drinks..heavily..  like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, plays piano.. loves to sketch, paint & the likes.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he ‘relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he tries to keep it on the dl ( he fails… miserably. )

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening. ( that doesn’t work for him tho, oof.. )

also has bruised knuckles 24/7 & some other injuries he gets from his fights, plays it off like he’s just clumsy.

anger issues af. needs to get them in check.

actually super kind and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall?? which is really hard tbh but if you’re able to? he’s so loyal and caring it’s unreal.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out, which is usually all of the time so he smokes…. more than he should ( though he won’t admit to being stressed out,,,,, ever in his life. )

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t the ‘hardass’ he pretends to be on a daily basis.

is a burnt cupcake who has 'decent’ intentions but has extremely horrible execution skills.

                                                 PLOT IDEAS.

bad influence. ( on your muse. )

best friends.

childhood friend.

competition.

confidant.

cousin.

current hook up(s).

drinking buddies.

drunken hook up.

enemies that used to be friends.

enemies.

exes who ended on bad terms.

flirtationship.

frenemies.

friendly competition.

friends that used to be enemies.

friends with benefits.

good influence. ( on sangjun. )

hate sex.

one night stand(s). ( past & present. )

partner in crime.

party buddies.

past hook up(s).

ride or die.

social media friends.

trouble makers.

unlikely friends.

[shebeguiled]

good afternoon everyone , i’m amorette & i’m so excited to be here !! this lovely lady is ERATO of the nine muses , known in the mortal world as SABINE BELLEROSE. take a peek under the cut for more information on her , & feel free to hit the heart if you’d like to plot.

ERATO   :

♡   ;   muse of erotic & love poetry , so uh , that already sets a pretty clear tone here. she is beautiful & she knows it , and is prone to her own bouts of vanity , especially when called upon by poets & artists — it’s hard not to let it go to your head when famed authors call upon your name for inspiration , praise your beauty as being their afflatus. she doesn’t go about being too overly boastful , most of the time , though sometimes it is dependent on her company and if they encourage it. she doesn’t find an issue with one accepting & appreciating their own beauty , so long as it isn’t at the expense of another. she promotes self love & positivity.

♡   ;   speaking of company , her sisters are her lifeblood. she adores them and would not be averse to fighting , maiming , or otherwise causing a ruckus & maybe a little bloodshed for them , if it absolutely came down to it. (   though she really really really prefers it doesn’t come to that.   ) her sisters are her soul. apollo , likewise , is near & dear to her heart — her loyalty is his , nearly if not just as it is her sisters’. her loyalty , once gained , is not easy to shirk.

♡   ;   vivacious , clever , & sanguine , erato is clear in what she wants and even more direct when it comes to getting it. she possesses little in the way of cautious awareness and leans far more into her impulsive tendencies , especially if they’ll lead to gratification. she’s quick to capitalize on opportunities once presented , or to otherwise maneuver around situations in order to have them play in her favor. it’s generally innocuous , though , her intent lying more-so within indulgence than harm. she enjoys delighting in all of life’s pleasures , be it a song , a poem , a glass of wine , etc.

♡   ;   undoubtedly i am forgetting to write something here in my excitement , and i apologize for that lmao.

SABINE   :

♡   ;   so , to start , she’s the daughter of GASPARD & MANON BELLEROSE , a fashion designer & model respectively , hailing from france. (   she was born in america herself , but she’s fluent in french.   ) their love was a whirlwind , something plucked directly from a romance novel & it bore them their only daughter , sabine.

♡   ;   now , her parents live a ritzy , busy life. despite being married they had little intention of ever settling down & a child hadn’t ever really been in their plans , though social stigma and personal beliefs prevented manon from doing anything about the pregnancy save seeing it to term & keeping their daughter. sabine was seen more as an accessory than a lifelong commitment — more akin to a purse to tote around when it was fitting than a child that needed to be raised. her parents didn’t have time for that. it didn’t fit in with their ideal lifestyle. they would occasionally dote on her & bring her to events , shower her with affection , but the moments were few and far in between.

♡   ;   she was frequently handed off to nannies but they , too , were never consistent ; a side effect of having an affair with your boss. this left sabine constantly yearning for affection , yearning for the love & praise children are supposed to receive from their parents , yearning for a bond she saw in other children but never felt herself. her parents raised her not to be herself , but to be perfect — in their eyes , this was an easily attainable goal. they gave her everything , after all , as what they lacked in affection they made up for in a surplus of material items , money , gifts , expensive vacations that she’d end up spending alone. sabine took what they gave and let it sate her for a while.

♡   ;   much like her immortal self , she is indulgent , though much less fulfilled. she allows herself to indulge in flings , in the things money can buy : jewelry , clothes , money , drugs. the upside of being a millionaire's daughter is just how much you can spiral the night before & appear perfect in a selfie posted the next day with the help of a well paid stylist and good lighting. as a result of her upbringing , the one thing she wants is fulfillment : she wants to be loved & inspire that love in others , she wants the security of being with someone who wants her , truly wants her , body , mind , & soul. sabine wants to feel valued. and yet whenever she's barely gotten close to something resembling this , she freezes , she spirals , she sabotages. the truth is that deep within her , she believes she is undeserving.

♡   ;   she can never quite achieve the balance she seeks , and is always at one extreme or another. there is no pause , there is no quiet middle ground : one moment , she's on the top of the world , things are just as she wants them , nothing can touch her. the next , she is crumbling , holed up in her penthouse , speaking to no one , spending days on end weeping in the safety of her bed. there is an aching , hollow void within her chest that consumes everything in these moments & leaves little behind to remind sabine of just who she is. still , she maintains the facade. she models for her father's line & is something of an instagram influencer , frequently posting updates to her millions of followers. she's never upfront about the goings-on behind the scenes online ; what's the point when you can post a selfie from inside one of nyc's most exclusive clubs ? no one wants to hear about your troubles. money can buy happiness , right ? she self medicates in dangerous ways.

♡   ;   unbeknownst to most , sabine writes & publishes poetry via the use of a pseudonym. it's a little pleasure that keeps her going , gives her something to pour her energy into even when she's lacking. a way to express herself when she cannot find the courage to verbalize her feelings to another person. something no one who knows her can intrude on.

♡   ;   sabine has an undiagnosed mental illness : bipolar disorder. she frequently faces burnout and it is the first symptom of an approaching depressive episode , and likewise is quick to hyperfixate or otherwise obsess when growing manic , and this is also when she often feels her most confident & victorious. she refuses to admit something may be ' wrong ' out loud , but on the inside , her lack of control over how she feels & often experiences the world contributes to her panic frequently. she avoids seeking help out of fear of disappointing her parents , should she receive a diagnosis. it is not that she believes people with mental illnesses are wrong , just that she alone would be. even further , she often feels guilty for her emotions , feels as though she is not allowed to be upset or depressed in any way because of what she does have. she thinks love will fix her. she doesn’t realize she may have bipolar specifically but she knows there’s got to be something , & it frightens her. up until this point , she has not communicated this to anyone else.

♡   ;   loves bubble tea. is rose gold’s number one fan.

♡   ;   she’s lucky she’s got nepotism on her side because she’s only 5′2″ and some would argue that that means she can’t be a model which is probably the stupidest thing ever.

i’m sorry this got so long idk what happened actually . . . . dfkjgdjf thanks for reading all of this mess ily

[mymentalmusings1-blog]

Mental Health Experience #1

In interest of having an outlet to express my rapid and often overwhelming thoughts, I have decided to start writing down my various thoughts and musings about a topic that I feel I am very familiar with, the ultra-controversial topic of mental health. My name is Mike and over my life I have been diagnosed with a wide range of mental health disorders. My diagnosis’s include Type 1 and Type 2 sociopathic tendencies, OCD, ADD/ADHD, depression and all types of anxiety disorders. All the fun stuff. I want to start off my writing with a disclaimer. I am not a doctor nor have I ever had any type of formal education on human psychology, everything I am going to be writing about is based off of my own personal experiences, research and struggles with mental health. This is a product of my own personal demons, if you will. Everything you read is 100% honest and real. I will never fabricate an experience or thought to make it seem more dramatic and on the other side of things I will not downplay or sugar-coat anything to make it seem more politically correct. This is a fair warning to anyone reading this. I do not care about your opinions on my thoughts and experiences or choices I have made. This is my real and honest views on my own personal mental health. Hopefully I can make this interesting and relatable to anyone having similar issues of their own.  

              Over time I have accepted that this is how my brain functions. Whether it is something I was born with, a product of my surroundings, past traumas, a chemical imbalance or just the way the fucking wind is blowing. I have come to terms with the fact that ultimately mental health disorders are not something that can be cured. Sure, depending on what is going on with your brain, and what you are dealing with the symptoms of these biological misfires can be controlled through many different forms of therapy or medication (prescribed or otherwise), but in the end of the day its just as much a part of you as anything else. Its just something you learn to live and cope with.

              All of the many exciting things that can possibly be wrong with you are what makes you who you are. Its what defines your personality and separates you from the rest of society. Some people want to fit in and be “normal”. Personally, I cant think of a worse hell than being just like everyone else. Being just another face in the crowd seems treacherous and boring. Being regular takes far more effort than being different and what do you accomplish? Social acceptance? Meaningless validation? Who gives a shit. If you’re just like everyone else you limit what you are capable of and will never be extraordinary.

              Having a mental disorder (or many mental disorders) takes over who you are as a person. The way a mental disorder is diagnosed is based on how it effects your life and day to day activity. I will never refer to one of these misfire disorders as a handicap. The way it effects and takes a toll on your life is solely based on how you let it affect you. I prefer to look at my disorders as an advantage. There is no better feeling In the world than facing your mental obstacle head on and doing everything in you power to conquer everything in your path. Even if you fail what you set out to accomplish you know you stood up to your fears and faced it with a giant FUCK YOU. Guess what, facing these challenges make you a stronger person. Your problems don’t get easier, why would they? You just become a little stronger and learn to use these things to your advantage.

              Over my next few entries I will be giving an inside look at how I view mental health disorders, the challenges they bring up and how they can be used to your advantage. Your challenges don’t make you special but they can make you stronger.

[taz-writes]

hii, have you ever wondered what are Feilan characters' mbti types? just out of curiosity!

I’ve definitely thought about it before! A few years ago I went through and took a ton of personality quizzes in character for my various OCs, it was a lot of fun. Sadly, though, most of them don’t fit neatly in MBTI boxes. I’m bored though, so I’m gonna poke around the Internet and try to sort them. 

Sayara’s probably in the ENFP zone because that’s what I am and she’s a time capsule of my personality at age 14 with a bit more gremlin thrown in. She could also be ENTP but I like ENFP better. Aelia’s also probably ENFP, but I could see ENFJ for her, she’s not nearly as much of an improviser as Sayara tends to be. Elli makes good plans when she can be bothered to try! They have pretty similar personalities, with a few key differences to make things interesting, it’s why they’re compatible as co-leads and (eventually) love interests. They bounce off each other’s energy. 

Violet is impossible to categorize because her actual personality is constantly at odds with her lack of mental stability? When she’s emotionally functional, she’s an ESTJ, but there’s a HUGE asterisk on the emotionally functional thing. When her depression and PTSD get the better of her, she becomes introverted and way too impulsive, and so she doesn’t express her natural analytical tendencies. There’s also a big gulf between how she tries to behave and how she actually acts. Most of her scores are in the middle. I could actually also see her being ISFJ, the S and J are the important traits. The others waffle around and change with character development. I like that ISFJ is the Protector on this website, that suits Violet a lot. 

Lavender is an INFJ? I think? It’s hard to judge her based on her behavior because she lets Violet push her around too much. Hope is an ISFJ who has trained herself to mimic an extrovert with reasonable success. She needs a break. 

I don’t like sorting Kyrina because she’s got... issues... and she’s unable to express her personality? It feels unfair to sort her into a category based on how she acts in the story because she’s not acting like herself, she’s mind controlled and stuff. Dusk is difficult to classify because she’s a really good liar and lies to me when I ask her muse about anything. Amalie... yeah, I have absolutely no idea. 

now if you asked me to pick apart their Hogwarts houses or godtiers, that I could write entire ESSAYS on

[paradoxiii]

Tagged by: @fairylightsinautumn

Rules: Answer 30 questions and then tag 20 people

Nickname(s): I have quite a few, but online I either go by Arias or my real name.

Gender: Female

Height: 5′5″

Time: 1:39 p.m.

Birthday: August 11th, 1999

Favorite band: Probably either Florence + the Machine or They Might Be Giants... or Bastille. Vitamin String Quartet is also awesome.

Favorite solo artists: Stromae

Song stuck in my head: Right now, none (thankfully)

Last movie I watched: The Room

Last show I watched: Stranger Things

When did I create this blog: According to my archive, December 22nd of 2012. I didn’t really use it at all for a year or two though.

What do I post: Everything.

What did I last google: calamarie cuphead

Other blogs: I have a tendency to hoard urls but let’s see... @perseidipity (art blog), @the-starlight-paradox (sort of an archive for this one old novel idea), @midwintersuggestion and @rosegoldsuggestion , @quicksilvertongue (writing blog even though I don’t post much), @thedraconicroyal (former suggestion blog, now a character/muse blog), @midnight-goldstone (witch blog/grimoire thingy), @cremesavers-unofficial (that was a thing), @mysmemess (Mystic Messenger blog that I don’t really use), @thefaerieexile (counterpart to thedraconicroyal because I’m impulsive). I also still have @fairy---lights (my former art url), I randomly came up with @cthulhulhulhu, and there’s no point in hiding the fack that I’m also @sincerelyagirl. I actually kind of really like that url so I might actually use it for something other than “anonymously” messaging my crush.

Do I get asks: Very very rarely, although the last couple times I reblogged an ask meme, I got a few asks.

Why did I choose this url: Paradox is one of my favorite words, 3 is my favorite number and gotta love that roman numeral aesthetic

Following: too many 2836 (it’s too late to sort through it all...)

Followers: Apparently 303

Average hours of sleep: Ranges from 8 to 12. Plus depression naps.

Lucky number: Idk but my favorite number is 3

Instrument: When I was a kid I tried a few different instruments (and got bored with them). I was in choir for four years though, so there’s that. I also want to learn to play the piano.

What am I wearing: Purple leggings, black slippers, and a red long sleeved uni shirt

Dream job: Novelist

Favorite food: Probably have to go with cheese

Last book I read: Well, the last book that I read the entirety of was probably Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon. The last book I read at least a portion of was Evicted by Matthew Desmond. (The non-required book I read was probably Graceling by Kristin Cashore)

Three favorite fandoms: I’m not really active in any fandoms, but I guess probably Homestuck, Fire Emblem, and Persona.

Tags:

can I just tag everyone who wants to do this I’m gonna just scroll through my notifs and tag people that I recognize

@blurrykins @trashblog-istrash @manicpixieshitpost @halfspacebro @trainvayu @endy-dragon @butchyuri @twistitch @mikamista @cherrycat @extremelyunlikely @la-nuit-sur-la-mer @sensual-turtle @zanderjerrymander @altellus-alice @pepprs @platerram @fandomess-x2 @officialfinches @nympheajaune

[krupnick02]

The struggles of an rper ♡

tagged by: @therealricksanchezpleasestandup -- thank you, steph! :D <3 tagging: @wabbitseezon @bluesmuses @hoopsheartthrob @vixentammy @judyflopps you know what just all yall who havent done this and wanna do it. do it. if not for yourself then your muse bc i love any excuse to just babble about my children 

NAME:  [REDACTED] NICKNAME: Red, Hollywood [OV], but mainly Red. ♥ AGE: 24 FACE CLAIM: Usagi Tsukino // Tsukino, Usagi !! I LOVE CLASSIC SM SO MUCH JUST LOOK AT HER

PRONOUNS: She / Her HEIGHT: 5″1′ BIRTHDAY: March 23rd

AESTHETIC: Gothic, those afternoon purple/pink/red sunset city/gas station photos, the sea, gothic suburbia?? idk what to call it, cemetery shots, heavy autumn.

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Leech by Sevendust !!

FAVORITE MUSE(S) YOU’VE WRITTEN: Jessica Rabbit (( tonsa fun, lots of development in her )), Freddy Krueger, Liz Thompson (( anime based )), The Unicorn // Amalthea (( not very active on her but she’s funnn )), Rogue (( x-men: evolution based )), Alice Liddell (( American McGee’s Alice )), Donald Duck (( also very inactive, but he’s a lot of fun )), Mandy (( TGaoBaM )), Wednesday Addams (( The Addams Family )), Chara (( U.ndertale )), Velvet Velour (( VTM:B )), Undyne (( Un.dertale )) and way too many others because I’ve been rping for a little over 10+ years, man. I got way too many characters under my belt and that ain’t even counting OCs.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON YOUR CURRENT MUSE ( THAT YOU ARE POSTING THIS ON ): 14-15 year old me going “jessica rabbit’s cool  i wanna rp as her she’s pretty” tbh lol. still keeping up the act even to this day!

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: Jessica’s got so much anger inside of her. She’s been treated bad, abused and objectified all her life and she has so much anger from all of. She uses this anger to push her work and to fucking dress down any motherfucker who takes her on, unleashing the beast. It’s so satisfying. I mean yes, I was the one who built her up from the ground this way, but this isn’t stating it needs to necessarily be from canon so NEH.

She’s also so funny. She loves humor and she enjoys making people love. She’s so open with her experiences in life and loves to display them with bits of humor when she does it, especially the wacky experiences.

That’s another thing about her; her age. 80+ years old so she has a lot of life experience, man! It’s so fun to write what she might have gone through in those years prior. There’s so much to work with and so many possibilities. She’s fucking fun! This is one of my absolute favorite posts regarding her experiences on this blog, omfg. And she’s more than happy to just talk about it. She’s always got something to say, never running out of conversation.

But now swinging to a darker tone, it’s also nice to have a character like her when you’re someone like me. Jessica was incredibly depressed back in the day and dripped heavily in suicidal thoughts and even tendencies (( which, back then, was humorous for cartoons. it wouldn’t be unusual to watch a cartoon and see black humor such as suicide in it, and Jessica was no exception )). She went through a lot of heavy shit, she got the shit end of the deal in show business because she’s a woman (( a toon woman, at that. no rights, no justice. a literal object. )) and she even got battered by her managers, but I love that she battered right back. 

She went through so much shit, but you know what? She dreamed. She dreamed of being one of the most amazing toon vocalists around and she never gave it up. She clawed her way up and refused to look back even when she lived in horrible, shady situations. She learned you have to fight or you will collapse the hard way and she bore every nail and every tooth through the process. There were many times she failed, but there were those star-shining moments where she succeeded.

 Jessica survived abuse, she survived sexism (( and still is )) and she made a goddamn name for herself with her voice. Everyone knows her, and so many love her voice. She is successful, she is famous and she is a hardworking woman who will not take any ounce of disrespect towards her good name. I love Jessica so much for it, and I am so proud to have built her up from the ground floor this way.

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: Depends on the muse! For Jessica, it’s going back and watching her in the movie (( jumping around to find her parts dkfgk )), listening to Diana Krall’s music (( my VA for her asides from canon, since they’re so similar imo. Diana nails Jessica more tho bc her voice has got that right amount of husk )), looking at her icons.. Nothing special.

FAVORITE TYPES OF THREADS: I love horror threads. 8) Horror and fluff are great. 8) Smut is a whole lot of fun too but shit I ain’t about to rp it with anyone else but my gf tbh. I AIN’T THAT GOOD DKGFK.

I like plotted threads, but I also fucking love those one-liner threads that can either be in a certain situation or nothing at fkn all. They’re fast, they’re easy and they further the interactions of our characters and god, I can’t get enough of them?? PLEASE DO THESE THINGS WITH ME THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHIT -- //shot// like no, don’t get me wrong, para is fun... but my god it takes way too long to type most of the time and i just wanna rp. 

BIGGEST STRUGGLE IN REGARDS TO YOUR CURRENT MUSE: Her confident & seductive nature bc let me tell you, i ain’t fuckin’ neither LMAO. AM I DOING THIS RIGHT??? IS THE BODY LANGUAGE ACCURATE? THE WORDING? THE SPEAKING? IS SHE THE STRONG INDEPENDENT JESSICA I WANT HER TO BE??? ? GOD I HOPE SO

[rainbowspousesjerome]

Jerome Valeska Verses

Verse 1: Early Circus Life

In this verse, Jerome will be any age between 2-12. The age will be determined by what my roleplay partner and I plot together. What happens is entirely open to ideas, but it will mostly revolve around Jerome dealing with his mother’s abuse. He is terribly confused by it, not understanding why his mother doesn’t love him.

Verse 2: Tumultuous Teen Years

In this verse, Jerome is between the ages of 13-17. He feels as though his life is falling apart. Every one in the circus knows what is happening to him at the hands of his mother, but they turn a blind eye to it. In this verse, he will deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. We will delve into his psyche and the true beginnings of his madness. The older he gets the more bitter he becomes towards the world and everyone in it in this verse. 

Verse 3: Goodbye Mother

This verse will revolve around, you guessed it, killing that nagging whore. Other plots-including before, during, or after the murder of Lila Valeska-will be accepted as long as he is 18. If we choose to do after Lila’s murder, we must start somewhere directly after he kills her and before his final interrogation with Detective Gordon, otherwise that will be the next verse. 

Verse 4: The Cat is out of the Bag

This verse is also while he is 18, but takes place during the final interrogation with Detective Gordon and the events that follow. We can change the narrative of what happened after the interrogation if we choose to; such as my rp partner’s character intercepts jerome’s transport and he never makes it to arkham, for example.

Verse 5: Locked and Shocked

In this verse, Jerome will be locked away in Arkham following the murder of his mother. His mental health is on a rapid decline during his stay here. He becomes the jokester of the ward due to his childlike demeanor and pension for fun and laughter, mainly with chaotic tendencies. He treats his therapy sessions as complete jokes. He wages wars inside his head of where he wants to go from here if he ever escapes. He plots ideas in his room.

Verse 6: Maniax

In this verse, Theo Galavan has broke the inmates out of Arkham. We will follow Jerome’s antics since his newfound freedom. He enjoys being the leader of The Maniax, despite actually being Theo’s puppet on a string. This will be the point in time when jerome truly realizes that his mother wasn’t the only person he enjoyed killing. Up until now he had played it off as getting rid of someone who hurt him, now he realizes that he simply loves the thrill of torturing others. He’s demented.

Verse 7: Death is Dull

In this verse, We start off directly with Jerome’s death and will follow into the subsequent aftermath of it. This verse won’t feature jerome physically but I have some ideas.

Verse 8: Resurrection of a Prophet

In this verse, Jerome is reborn. He has a new thirst for blood and nobody will get in his way. There’s just one thing stopping him from completing his true destiny: Bruce Wayne. Once he takes out the billionaire prince of gotham, he’ll finally have the throes of gotham in the palm of his hands. He’ll finally rule this miserable city. Sporting his stapled on face and a real desire for violence, can Jerome be stopped?

Verse 9: Locked and Shocked 2.0

Things with Bruce didn’t go as planned and his carnival of madness was effectively shut down, how boring! He’s captured and shipped off to Arkham for the second time. This time things are different. Not only does he have a newfound celebrity in this shithole, but he’s also mostly confined to being alone with nothing but his thoughts in solitary confinement. His cool edge has been stripped away from him; the first thing these pathetic doctors did was stitch his face on properly. no fair.

Verse 10: You Choose

My rp partner and I will plot anything that comes to mind. There is no specific verse for this, we can even mix and match verses. Examples could be Jerome meeting Harley, future jerome, second arkham escape, jerome becoming the Joker, Jerome having kids, etc. Anything goes in this verse.

Verse 11: Kink Fest

In this verse, there will be nothing but mature and sexual themes with Jerome. I have no objections to any type of sexual situation or preference. As long as the mun is legal, we both agree to the type of sexual content-even if your muse or my muse doesn’t agree ;)-, and as long as the threads are tagged appropriately. I am open to any and all kinks, however. Come get nasty with Jerome. 

[pastdie]

✩

SEND ‘✩’ FOR THE FOLLOWING  //  @starslayer.

DISAGREEMENTS:

WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO RAISE THEIR VOICE?     cason.WHO THREATENS TO LEAVE BUT NEVER ACTUALLY DOES?     kylo.WHO ACTUALLY KEEPS THEIR WORD AND LEAVES?     cason probs. WHO TRASHES THE HOUSE?     k y l o.DO EITHER OF THEM GET PHYSICAL?     kylo gets physical, but not aimed @ cason. just shoves clutter around.HOW OFTEN DO THEY ARGUE/DISAGREE?     very rarely now. they see eye to eye after years.WHO IS THE FIRST TO APOLOGISE?     ky  !

SEX:

WHO IS ON TOP?     they switch, but cason most of the time.WHO IS ON THE BOTTOM?     kylo most of the time.WHO HAS THE STRANGEST DESIRES?     cason probably has more than kylo tbh.ANY KINKS?     a few,    &     more being discovered.WHO’S DOMINANT IN BED?     CASON.IS HEAD EVER IN THE EQUATION?     alwaaays.IF SO, WHO IS BETTER AT PERFORMING IT?     ky tbh lol.EVER HAD SEX IN PUBLIC?      on the speech platform, on the bridge, in halls, in the control room, where haven’t they fucked?WHO MOANS THE MOST?    KYLO OH BOY.WHO LEAVES THE MOST MARKS?     kylo does for sure. WHO SCREAMS THE LOUDEST?     K Y L O.WHO IS THE MORE EXPERIENCED OF THE TWO?     cason.DO THEY ‘FUCK’ OR ‘MAKE LOVE’?     make often more often than not.ROUGH OR SOFT?     both, but ky is gentle when he tops.HOW LONG DO THEY USUALLY LAST?     depends tbh.IS PROTECTION USED?      nah.DOES IT EVER GET BORING?     to be absolutely cheesy, not when you love the other deeply.WHERE IS THE STRANGEST PLACE THEY’D HAVE SEX?     the interrogation chair ok.

FAMILY   (   A/B/O VERSION OF MAIN VERSE ):

DO YOUR MUSES PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN/OR HAVE CHILDREN?     they have children.IF SO, HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOUR MUSES WANT/HAVE?     they have twins & will probably have more.WHO IS THE FAVORITE PARENT?   ky.WHO IS THE AUTHORITATIVE PARENT?     caaaason. WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO ALLOW THE CHILDREN TO HAVE A DAY OFF SCHOOL?     ky.WHO LETS THE CHILDREN INDULGE IN SWEETS AND JUNK FOOD WHEN THE OTHER ISN’T AROUND?     cason loves sweets, so he might be more inclined to do so.WHO TURNS UP TO EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN?     they both do.WHO GOES TO PARENT TEACHER INTERVIEWS?     both.WHO CHANGES THE DIAPERS?     i bet cason gags. so kylo.WHO GETS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO FEED THE BABY?     they take turns, or kylo will kick cason off the bed.WHO SPENDS THE MOST TIME WITH THE CHILDREN?     ky, only because cason is the new galactic emperor. WHO PACKS THEIR LUNCH BOXES?     kylo.WHO GIVES THEIR CHILDREN ‘THE TALK’?     depends on whom asks the oblivious question to who first.WHO CLEANS UP AFTER THE KIDS?     ky.WHO WORRIES THE MOST?     they both do,   but ky more so.WHO ARE THE CHILDREN MORE LIKELY TO LEARN THEIR FIRST SWEAR WORD FROM?       CASON OMG.

AFFECTION:

WHO LIKES TO CUDDLE?     both.WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON?     it’s an even switch because kylo loves to hold cason at night. or they just face each other and hold on.WHO GETS NAUGHTY IN THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE OF PLACES?     c a s o n.WHO STRUGGLES TO KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELF?     cason, in sexual terms.    kylo, in terms of holding hands oops.HOW LONG CAN THEY CUDDLE UNTIL ONE BECOMES UNCOMFORTABLE?      THEY NEVER TIRE.WHO GIVES THE MOST KISSES?     it’s probably a war.      ky sneaks in kisses @ night.WHAT IS THEIR FAVOURITE NON-SEXUAL ACTIVITY?     working out/training together, cuddling, killing snoke (WHERE IS THEIR FAVOURITE PLACE TO CUDDLE?     bed tbh. or on the training mats.WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO PLAYFULLY GROPE THE OTHER?    cason.   ky wears leggings & they form to that plush ass perfectly.HOW OFTEN DO THEY GET TIME TO THEMSELVES?     not a lot, considering there is a lot of work to be done & kylo has to spend a lot of time training whilst hux keeps the men in line and practically looks out for the order.

SLEEPING:

WHO SNORES?     cason.IF BOTH DO, WHO SNORES THE LOUDEST?     cason.      ky whimpers & squeaks in his sleep from PTSD-induced nightmares DO THEY SHARE A BED OR SLEEP SEPARATELY?     share.IF THEY SLEEP TOGETHER, DO THEY COZY UP TOGETHER OR LAY FAR APART?     even if cason wanted to sleep far apart, ky has a tendency to cling.WHO TALKS IN THEIR SLEEP?     they both do if they have nightmares.WHAT DO THEY WEAR TO BED?     cason wears sleeping pants & a tank top. kylo wears sleeping pants & a long sleeve shirt b/c he doesn’t like the cold.ARE EITHER OF YOUR MUSES INSOMNIACS?     can they be insomniacs if they hardly ever sleep to begin with???CAN SLEEPING PILLS BE FOUND BY THE BEDSIDE?     i bet there is a dresser drawer dedicated to them.DO THEY WRAP THEIR LIMBS AROUND EACH OTHER OR JUST LAY SIDE BY SIDE?     limbs are def entangled.WHO WAKES UP WITH BED HAIR?     kylo’s hair is just a big fluff when he wakes up omg.WHO WAKES UP FIRST?     they both wake up @ the same time.WHO PREPARES BREAKFAST IN BED FOR THE OTHER?     they rarely have time for breakfast. but on the off chance, kylo does.WHAT IS THEIR FAVOURITE SLEEPING POSITION?   spooning & lover’s knot.WHO HOGS THE SHEETS?     ky.     but he is wrapped around cason, to be fair.DO THEY SET AN ALARM EACH NIGHT?     yes.CAN A TELEVISION BE FOUND IN THEIR BEDROOM?     holopad.WHO HAS NIGHTMARES?     both.WHO HAS RIDICULOUS DREAMS?     neither?WHO SPRAWLS OUT AND TAKES UP MOST OF THE BED? cason probs.WHO MAKES THE BED?      cason.WHAT TIME IS BED TIME?     3 AM RIP. ANY ROUTINES/RITUALS BEFORE BED?     brushing teeth, kylo getting cason to stop working, pillow talk, massages.WHO’S THE GRUMPIEST WHEN THEY WAKE UP?     CASON IS.

HOME:

WHO DOES THE WASHING?     ky. he knows how to get those tough stains (blood) out.     WHO TAKES OUT THE TRASH?  droids.WHO DOES THE IRONING?   droids.WHO DOES THE COOKING?     kylo, if there’s time.WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN JUST TRYING?     neither tbh?WHO IS MESSIER?    ky.WHO LEAVES THE TOILET ROLL EMPTY?     neither b/c that’s a pain in the ass.WHO LEAVES THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR?   kylo. he has awful depression & has a habit of leaving his clothes around.WHO FORGETS TO FLUSH THE TOILET?     ky ? WHO IS THE PRANKSTER AROUND THE HOUSE?     kylo.WHO LOSES THE CAR KEYS WHEN IT COMES TIME TO GO SOMEWHERE?     “KYLO, WHERE TF DID U PUT THE KEYS TO STARKILLER???”WHO MOWS THE LAWN?     there is no lawn to mow !WHO ANSWERS THE TELEPHONE?     no phones.WHO DOES THE VACUUMING?     droids.WHO DOES THE GROCERIES?     there is no kroger in space.WHO TAKES THE LONGEST TO SHOWER?     kylo. WHO SPENDS THE MOST TIME IN THE BATHROOM?     kylo.

MISCELLANEOUS:

IS MONEY A PROBLEM?HOW MANY CARS DO THEY OWN?      DO THEY OWN THEIR HOME OR DO THEY RENT?DO THEY LIVE NEAR THE COAST OR DEEP IN THE COUNTRYSIDE?DO THEY LIVE IN THE CITY OR IN THE COUNTRY? DO THEY ENJOY THEIR SURROUNDINGS?WHAT’S THEIR SONG?     thinking out loud   -   ed sheeranWHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY’RE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER?     work tbh.WHERE DID THEY FIRST MEET?     some planet that ben back while training as a jedi.HOW DID THEY FIRST MEET?     they bumped shoulders in the marketplace.WHO SPENDS THE MOST MONEY WHEN OUT SHOPPING?WHO’S MORE LIKELY TO FLASH THEIR ASSETS?WHO FINDS IT AMUSING WHEN THE OTHER TRIPS OVER?      kylo omg. ANY MENTAL ISSUES?    tbh ,, there is a lot of past/continuing trauma surrounding these two.WHO’S TERRIFIED OF BUGS?     KYLO.    DAMN THOSE SPACE SPIDERS.WHO KILLS THE SPIDERS AROUND THE HOUSE?        cason!THEIR FAVOURITE PLACE?     the viewport beside their bed aboard the finalizer.WHO PAYS THE BILLS?DO THEY HAVE ANY FEARS FOR THEIR FUTURE?     failure & separation by death.WHO’S MORE LIKELY TO SURPRISE THE OTHER WITH A FANCY DINNER?     cason tbh. he classy.WHO USES UP ALL OF THE HOT WATER?  ky. he usually invites cason into the shower.WHO’S THE TALLEST?   they’re even in height.WHO’S MORE LIKELY TO JUST RANDOMLY HOP INTO THE SHOWER WITH THE OTHER?    both.WHO WANDERS AROUND IN THEIR UNDERWEAR?    cason. ky must always be warm.WHO SINGS THE LOUDEST WHEN SINGING ALONG TO THE RADIO?  kylo.WHAT DO THEY TEASE EACH OTHER ABOUT?WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO CRINGE AT THE OTHER’S FASHION SENSE AT TIMES?   cason @ kylo.DO THEY HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS? phasma ! that’s space mum.WHO CRUSHED FIRST?  cason.ANY ALCOHOL OR SUBSTANCE RELATED PROBLEMS?    nah.WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO STUMBLE HOME, DRUNK, AT 3AM?    cason tbh.   ky likes fruity drinks whilst in their quarters.WHO SWEARS THE MOST?     cason.

[thisislizheather]

Navigating November

Yes, it’s insane that November is already over, but we’re all aware of that and it’s so boring to talk about time moving quickly so let’s not be boring, let’s be wicked. So much has happened this month, here’s a breakdown of what went on in my world this month:

The West Village restaurant Dante has forever been on my list of places to eat at, so I finally went and it was great. The pasta wasn’t as good as it is at L’Artusi, but that’s sort of an impossible demand. In any case, the food was good, the place is small & lovely, and the waiters are dreamboats.

I went to the movie theatre/bar/restaurant Syndicated in Brooklyn for the first time to see Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 11/9 and both the place and the movie were great. I mean the movie’s pretty depressing, but obviously good. And the ticket was $8, which is amazing in 2018.

I ate at this great Mexican place Ofrenda twice so far, the quesadillas are so fucking light and good. Only con about the place is that it can get wildly loud inside.

I finished watching The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and it was great and dark but I wish there were more scenes with Prudence & Nick since they’re such good characters. The mortals are so boring I could scream. Looking forward to the holiday special they’re airing in a few weeks.

Gary came to town! So we did a lot of new things while he was visiting. The best thing? The restaurant Le Relais De Venise L’Entrecôte. They only serve steak frites. With this incredible sauce. You sit down, order drinks, then they ask how you like your meat cooked and that’s it. They also come around halfway through the meal to offer you seconds… of both the meat AND the fries. It’s insanity. Honestly, I heard the premise of this place and thought that there’s no way the quality would be great, but I was dead wrong. Every bite was incredible. The place doesn’t look like much from the outside (it’s way too bright) and the service is a little… weird? But the food was amazing. And so reasonably priced. Definitely keeping this one in the rotation.

Finally ate at Parm in Soho for the first time - I had the eggplant (which was okay) and Gary had the chicken which was eons better. Get the chicken. The service was notably great too.

Tried the ice cream at Morgenstern’s and whooooa, it’s good. They’re not fucking around here. Love their weird flavours. French fry ice cream legit tastes like French fries. Eager to try the “bread” and “popcorn” flavours. And if you’re sitting there going, “How could any ice cream be bad, Liz? C’mon!” you’ve obviously never tried the terrible Van Leeuwan.

Went to the Nintendo store in Times Square, discovered that it’s one cute-ass store.

Went to the Top of the Rock for the first time, waaaaay better view up there than from the Empire State Building. Hands down. Plus you get a Central Park view that’s gorgeous as well as a city view.

Ate at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side: crazy good tapas. I always forget about tapas.

You already know how much I love Lady M cakes, so I tried their seasonal pumpkin nuage one and… meh! It’s nowhere as tasty as their banana chocolate slice.

Ate at Jacob’s Pickles on the Upper West Side finally and Jesus Christ the portion sizes here are laughably large. My brother got a poutine and maaaaaaan you gotta see this thing. And while everything tasted good, it’s just so wildly indulgent. And coming from a person who lives their life on the motto of “INDULGE, BITCH!” - this really means something. Probably not gonna make it back here a second time. It’s mayhem.

Finally watched Big Mouth after everyone on the planet told me to watch it and of course it’s good, you know this already, you don’t need me to tell you this. Jon Hamm as the voice of a scallop? Hilarious. Kristen Wiig as a vagina? Gimme more, I say! That goddam little ladybug? Best character. Flawless show. Maya Rudolph is my true queen and I hate anyone calling anyone their queen. (THERE’S ONE QUEEN GUYS AND SHE’S ENGLISH. SHOW SOME RESPECT.)

Visited the annual holiday miniature train show inside Grand Central station and it’s as beautiful as always. But really I dare you to show me a miniature train show I don’t like. It’s kind of a joke that they call this a “train show” when it’s, like, shoved in the back corner of a gift shop. Still lovely, but just funny.

There’s a new flavour (pumpkin gingersnap) of banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery and it AIN’T GOOD. Stick to the hits, guys. Gotta stick to the hits.

Went to the MoMA and it was great, haven’t been in so long, love the fact that they incorporated some performance art!

Had lunch at Del Frisco’s since Gary was in a wagyu mood & oh yes it was good.

Went for happy hour at Clinton Hall, where the prices are amazing for what you’re getting (I mean, Pat LaFrieda sliders for $3 is fucking nuts).

My dear friend Sarah moved back to France and I shouldn’t be shocked when anyone leaves New York, but it always stings when it’s one of the good ones.

Finally got my hands on the Cauliflower Gnocchi from Trader Joe’s and holy fuck I now understand why it’s ALWAYS SOLD OUT. Tastes exactly like regular gnocchi. No idea how Trader Joe’s can make these remarkable tasting products, so I’ll just assume that some sort of deal with the devil has been made.

If you are ever on the Upper East Side around dinnertime craving ravioli, I promise you that the Mezzelune Alla Boscaiola at Uva will eternally please you in a way that no human can. It’s a half moon shaped ravioli filled with prosciutto and mozzarella served in a creamy wild mushroom sauce. And it will forever be my favourite thing to eat in that area.

Don’t ask me why but I watched both Princess Diaries movies and OF COURSE THEY’RE TERRIBLE I KNEW THAT BEFORE PRESSING PLAY WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.

I also watched Four Christmases and initially it seemed like it could’ve been an actually okay movie but NOPE. I mean, there are worse movies, don’t get me wrong. At the beginning, I really liked the fact that the couple in it had super strong opinions about marriage and kids and oh man, it would’ve been great if the ending was just “and we were right all along!” instead of them having a kid at the end. Am I projecting my own shit on this movie? Yes! Sue me!

Watched Rumor Has It and I don’t know if I was either feeling tired or defeated or what, but I think I liked it at the moment. I mean, Kevin Costner has a nice smile. All that needs to be said.

Tried the eyeliner from Elf Cosmetics and BOOOOOOOOOOOO, never again! What a piece of garbage!

Once in awhile, the Rainbow Room hosts a seasonal pop up bar on the 65th floor of 30 Rock in Rockefeller Center sooooo Nathan and I went this week and it was so, so great. The menu always changes and the dishes are wildly inventive and from what we tried - crazy delicious. We only got a charcuterie plate but there was this pâté that was almost… unholy? It was incredible. It was an insanely rainy night, so the view wasn’t much because of the clouds but that’s really only one more reason for us to return. The service was perfect and it wasn’t even that expensive.

For the past year or so, whenever I’m having a day where my face feels rougher than normal, I’ve been using this Vitamin E cream from The Body Shop at night that’s been working like a dream. I mostly just use it on my cheeks (moreso in the wintertime) and I wake up and have perfect skin again. It says that it’s used as a face sleep mask, but I don’t think you need to use that much, this one jar has lasted me forever since I use so little of it at a time.

So there’s this pesto that I’m in love with that they serve on a panini I love at Bite in the city and the owner told me why this pesto is so great: they use walnuts instead of pine nuts to make it. So obviously this is the only way that I’ll make pesto from now on. It’s so crazy good, you could eat it with a spoon if you have lunatic tendencies like I do apparently? IT’S SO GOOD.

Are you aware that you can recycle your used/empty makeup containers at Origins? I’m sure you’re already aware of the program that MAC does, but for every other brand? I feel like this is probably the best option. They have a little box in each store, and it’s not exactly policy but if you go in to recycle something, you can show them that you’re recycling something and then ask for a sample of something and they’ll definitely give you a crazy-generously sized portion of a product that you want to try as a sample. I just did this and got a huuuuuuge sample of this eye brightener I’ve been wanting to use. Also! They’ll give you a code after you recycle that you can use online to earn Origins points on your account.

Nathan was on the Guys We Fucked podcast this week which I think is pretty huge and great, so you can listen to that if you like.

And that was November! If you’ve missed any of the other months I’ve done (and actually care to hear the intricate details of a stranger’s life), here’s a list of what’s been discovered over the past few months! Hellooooooo December!

October Occurrences

September Shenanigans

August Actions

July Jiffs

June Jaunts

May Musings