#am deeply afraid of them Tumblr posts
Text
skyrim affirmations part 9
#skyrim#the elder scrolls#tes#tesblr#meme#Dwemer ruins#hate hate hate#the sounds#the traps#the steam#dislike it all#am deeply afraid of them
329 notes
·
View notes
Text
here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
31 notes
·
View notes
Note
Could I ask what OnlyFans did that made you quit that site? I'm not doubting you btw, I'm certain you left for good reason. I just wanna know why they're bad and my research attempts keep leading to sites that are just pearl-clutching because there's porn on OnlyFans, so I wanted to hear it from you if you're happy to share.
ugh, its just a tremendously broken website that's always been openly hostile to nsfw creators, its core profit drivers. responses from support are always essentially "get fucked". in march creators started calling for a boycott, and it doesn't seem like it's financially feasible for a lot of us, but it breaks my heart to think 20% of our fun horny money is going to such a shitty company
#i have intentionally avoided talking about it because i am deeply afraid of some of you#but perhaps this will stop u from letting them take your 20% too!#ask
92 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey!! can i ask for a color palatte description for the ro's? like what their hair/eye colors are?
hope you're having a good week 💙💙💙
Hi!
I spent a long time putting together a graphic for this before I realised that you asked for just a description haha... oops. well. here is the graphic anyway XD
If you're looking for a link to the page with more general descriptions, there are some on the RO's page.
Very sorry for the delay in replying! My life is. hectic. smdnfgbsfgf
#what does the chaos mirror see#twyliit#if you want to use these i'd recommend zooming in because some of them have detailing but unfortunately tumblr seems to have destroyed it#or at least hidden some of it in ensmallening#it was very difficult to find a shining silvery enough colour for suchebh's hair and eyes#and i regret i could not find an eye colour for twilit that captured the necessary distressing pastel neon toothpaste vibe i was seeking#i am not an artiste i'm afraid. i wish i could do proper ones of these with. undertones as such#but alas#also just rambling in the tags here for a bit but. i got an ask this morning accusing the game of being a scam#because it hasn't updated for ages#and like bro. scam... it's not like i took preorders msnbgsmdnfgb. i have to Laugh#once again deeply sorry to the small number of people concerned with how much my homelessness was an inconvenience For Them<3#finally got my life somewhat back on track after months of teetering on the edge of the abyss (rude of me not to spend it all writing)#but in service of getting my life back on track i'm studying. so that i can get a job later and continue to survive. again. Selfish. oops#and then my beloved cat died. and there just. isn't anything to keep going for anymore LMAO#but alas. so long as the music plays. we dance#and this game is part of the dancing for me. i guess. i still work on things when i have the time#hopefully you'll recover from my terrible circumstances<3
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sanji the type to go diving and Usopp the type to make sand castles when they're at the beach
#they're so cute#i can't believe i haven't made like. a thousand posts abt them at the beach or smth#they're pirates bean PLEASE they should be doing stuff there#but tbf i don't like the beach so maybe that is why i never post anything#saying i don't like the beach is a wild statement. i lied. i like it. i am just deeply afraid to touch the sea and i don't like sand. so.#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 279 | id in alt
It bit him in the ass I'll say that much lmao (left to right)
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#tokyo trio#yes Fushiguro is drawn like that#imma be real w yall i was tired and i didn't wanna draw out his face like how I usually do#still fits him kinda sorta....plank of wood lookin boy fr#i loathe his hair bro take a damn shower#the three of them are slowly becoming their colors respectively its kinda funny#im low-key tweaking the fuck out#but we aint gotta talk about that i genuinely will and have eaten drywall#ive eaten batteries n shit before this aint surprising#ive eaten worse things and none of them are human related unless you wanna be smart and say its man made then like...sure i guess#but besides that i just like Kugisaki being snarky as shit with Fushiguro#i mean that “first time losing a partner?” comment didn't fly over my head Kugisaki. i know what your brain is doing#i yearn for the sea yet i am deeply afraid of its depths#MANNNNNN THIS SHIT SUCKS ASS
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think it's time that we as a society realized that actually eternals wasn't bad it was just not standard marvel fare and that's okay
#maybe i'm biased#it is my favorite marvel movie after all#but i truly think so much of the hate was that it was a diverse cast with overtly pro-choice messaging that freaked marvel fans out#is it flawed? yes. but all marvel movies are#but something about that found family and cast and creative team that clearly cared deeply about the story they were telling really got me#there was so much care put into the making of it!#lauren ridloff (makkari) made name signs for all the characters because she is actually deaf and wanted to make the film good representatio#and all the cast learned basic sign language so they could talk to her on and off the set#it's so unlike every other marvel movie and that's why i love it#it's not afraid to push boundaries and be strange and make mistakes#and i'm so sad that it will never get a sequel because there was so much potential for those characters and their stories#i wanted to see makkari and druig realize they love each other#i wanted to see them deal with the fallout of their actions#i wanted to see the family fracture and then see them all find their way back to each other#i wanted to see more queer representation in a character of color whose whole story wasn't all about being queer and isn't just a cameo#i wanted more!#and i'm not afraid to admit it!#maybe it would have been better as a tv show but i dunno. i switch thoughts about that a lot#i think the alternating timeline was really interesting and kept me engaged the whole time but i am definitely in the minority for that one#but i also don't like endgame so. you know. maybe i can't be trusted#anyway that was a whole ass essay#if you read all that hope you enjoyed. drink some water. give yourself a pat on the back. i love you.#the eternals#marvel#drukkari
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I kept hearing what sounded exactly like a mouse scurrying around in the vegetable drawer when I was looking in the fridge earlier so now I am afraid to look in the fridge even though it is so vanishingly unlikely there is a fucking living animal in there.
#I'm not even afraid of mice I just get afraid when I hear scurrying in case it's a mouse with three letters#which I am DEEPLY phobic of#to the point that I don't like saying their name like they're the fucking fae or something lol#(I have called them 'our friends' sometimes and not as a joke I just am so fucking afraid I can trigger myself very easily#and if I'm already thinking they might be Here saying the word is too scary)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey guys ik i’m posting this early so probably not a lot of people will see this but i’m reevaluating some things in my life and i think i’m going to mostly use queer rather than lesbian as a label/identifier for my sexuality. i am most certainly attracted to women but there’s some other things that i’m still figuring out and discovering about myself. ik i’m not obligated to update anyone about this but i love y’all and just thought y’all should know <3
#i think i confused being deeply afraid of men bc of ✨trauma✨with not being attracted to them#but idk#i’m young and figuring things out!!#am i a little embarrassed bc i JUST came out as a lesbian??? yes#BUT that’s okay!! that label felt good and right at the time and my sexuality is whatever i say it is!!#also sorry if you’re reading all these tags i’m being silly today ig
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
every time somebody reduces the serirei dynamic to "silly one x serious one" an angel loses its wings
#tantrum hole#they are both so deeply unserious and yet at the same time profoundly lonely adults who struggle to form meaningful relationships#due to unresolved personal issues#and theyve gotten so used to this comfortable status quo that theyre afraid of ruining it by expressing that theyre in love with the other#bc life has told them over and over that they are unworthy of love! and theyve only just started to learn that they ARE worthy#and taking that next step is terrifying. but theyre so afraid of the other not reciprocating and the friendship dying bc of it#that theyd just rather exist in this beautiful idiots ballet of sidestepping their feelings if it means getting to be around one another.#the tapestry i have weaved in my mind. do you see it. take my hand.#theyre also both stupid. serizawa doesnt know what a parking brake is and reigen thinks lemons are spicy (hes allergic)#and yes i know people dont need romance to be complete Obviously. i think adding romantic tension is a fun flavor#i feel the need to add that disclaimer to like Anything i post about love bc i am so afraid of ppl thinking me like a romantic dynamic mean#that i think the platonic dynamic is Inferior or w/e when this is not the case#they are not just 'the safe yaoi option' i think actually they are very interesting
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
gender and sexuality labels are so fucking hard how am i supposed to know how what i experience (already hard to pin down) compares to what "normal people" experience (completely unknown to me)
#leologisms#smthn smthn gender and sexuality labels are social constructs that exist within the assumption of a 'normal' experience#and a) i have no idea what EXACTLY that experience is supposed to be like b) im not fully convinced it actually EXISTS#youre telling me 'normal' people all experience attraction/gender in this ONE particular way? for real? youve gotta be lying to me#even ''''''normal'''''' (allo cishet) people talk about how their experiences with romance dont align with how its commonly talked about#how am i (transgay autist) supposed to know exactly what a 'normal' experience is in order to categorise myself in relation to it#more and more i find myself attracted to ambiguous identities because i have no way of defining myself more precisely that feels right#not male or female or even nonbinary but simply transgender. if 'gay' didnt carry the meaning 'homosexual' id probably identify more#strongly with it too (rather than bi)#for a while ive been wondering about ace identities but ive been reluctant to actually explore them too deeply because a) im afraid of#stepping on toes (for some reason. i dont know why.) b) im sure these labels ARE useful for lots of people but man. considering right now i#in a sort of. 'dont look at it too hard' space wrt my identities i dont actually think id even feel very comfortable w any of them anyway#do i experience attraction in a normal way? maybe. define normal.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
today's studies! 2 from classes and 2 x 15 min warmups. (I couldn't get rid of the weird bubble on the portrait studies no matter what glaze settings I used. :/ if anyone has any tips pls let me know)
I haven't posted much in a long time because I was ashamed of having the ups and downs in quality from a lack of art education and experience, but there's nothing wrong with needing work on my fundamentals. I want to be more consistent about posting studies AND finished work. it's hard to work through in my head and heart, but it's ok to not be perfect. I am trying to work through that mindset rather than stagnate indefinitely. looking forward to having fun and having some learning experiences.
#I am in study mode#work is kicking my ass but it's good to learn and fail#hopefully I can post some original work soon#I have requests in a list#I will work through them#even though they are just requests I am so scared people will hate them that it was hard to work at all#I spent a lot of time crying while i worked and fell into a deep depression as I recognized my weaknesses#and how ai could very easily surpass me in terms of consistency and quality#but that's not a reason to quit and I am going to work through this#it scares me and i still cry and feel deeply depressed#but it's going to be ok#i have some original work wips that i want to show that really show off how much i have learned#but i am so afraid of ai that i will not share them until they are finished and glazed#i am not terribly happy with glaze as it still kind of messes up my pictures but it is worth it to do i thin#*think#i forgot to nightshade these but alas#my art
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
wish i could relate to other lesbians my age but im borderline arospec and afraid of men
#like no i dont find men hot#sorry i actually am deeply afraid of them they send me into a trayma response 😝#/not my friends but lol#like all i see is like lesbians being like ‘liking men doesn’t invalidate ur lesbianism’ like true!!! i fucking wish i could be attractedo#to men like.#/nbh this is just an in general thing#like cool women r hot yesss 🔥 😍🙏#but i wish i didnt want to die every time i see a guy on the streets or at school#wven when that doesnt happen i feel so genuinely uncomfortable around them#‘its ur fault’ maybe i shouldnt have been fucming well. given trauma lets say that!!!!#like then idk i eant a gf but i also dont#im probably aroflux#AWESOME!!#slash sar#i want a gf but also im so mentally unstavle and i dont want one but i also do. hope this helps !#i just#i cant even relate to people IN MY OWN COMMUNTIY. like what#vent#arospec#bpd#chrissy !
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
