#am I projecting all my feelings of not fitting in a group of friends onto him? absolutely

[jjlr101]

Everytime i read a dps related post that says something along the lines of "fuck Cameron" i cry a little, a part of my soul dies, my heart shrinks, my hands get cold until i lose all body heat and die of hypothermia and it will all be your fault ❤

[starlyx0]

so I have noticed some people think Ben is boring (trust me I’ve seen it)

so I am here to talk about everything ben and try to explain his character!

This won’t be the best character analysis

as English is not my first language and I'm trying to bring more attention to stuff that's not talked about often.

So I'm going to split this into 6 categories to try to make writing this easier for me so bare with me.

Things I’ll go over!

personality 

looks 

hobbies

past & current 

relationship with family 

relationship with friends

This is going to have a bunch of stuff that are headcanons I'm only including them to show ppl if u can put some thought into it u can get some reasonable ones.

1 | personality

I see a lot of ppl reduce his character to only music and being mute? which really upsets me because he soo so much more,

but making his entire personality music makes me so mad

most headcanons I see are all the same PLEASE I AM TIRED of hearing what kind of songs he listens to that or all ship headcanons titled as Bens 

he's a shy awkward guy we all know that cuz he really just stands in a corner awkwardly scratching his neck most times and he also doesn’t like horror or anything scary (eps 11) 

hes a protective older brother not overly like Tyler where hes more protective of Tay from other people ben is more chill going and more afraid of what life throws at Lily, there’s not much here cuz more points I have fit in the other categories :)

2 | looks 

he looks kinda of basic nobody can deny that so I won't, but because of his past I imagine he would have a bunch of scars ik he doesn’t and that’s a bummer cuz I really wish he had 🥲

After he lost his voice he became super facially expressive but also really good at hiding his emotions so it’s either really easy to read him or really hard no in between. also because of his past bullying, I assume it affected him and the way he presents himself that why he sticks to basic outfits and look,

overall trying not to bring attention to himself even after therapy he stuck to his habit but if someone gave him a little push and helped him he would drop it and start putting thought into his looks,

saw this somewhere I don’t remember where they said he would have curly hair as a kid but his mom didn’t know how to take care of it so they ended up shaving it and i think curly or wavy haired Ben would be so cute also he would look amazing with an eyebrow piercing %100 and uhh I genuinely don’t remember him smiling genuinely in canon so i imagine his with a downturned smile I may be wrong about that idk

3 | hobbies

did I make this a separate category just to talk about him being an artist? yes I absolutely did 🙂↕️

I fear most people forgot about it n honestly and that is criminal 

there is not much said about it in canon but I’ll work with what I have,

he probably didn’t have much artistic skills when he was younger and only started doing it as a distraction and a way to calm down n he probably made himself draw

I feel like red projected onto him in that ifykyk😭

but from the picture Ben draws based on things that happen so he diff draws a bunch of random things he sees and thinks its cool, he would draw everything and everyone and I feel his art style would be more realistic tbh

but Ben also plays guitar, plays piano 

, fight, used to sing, and the medic of the group like what else he do?? he is literally perfect what more can I say here but most of these are not really hobbies but skills he had to learn for the sake of his life 

4 | Past & current 

I’ll talk more here about how his past affects him currently,

I love to think he has a fear of fires because of the fire that burned down his house more of a headcanon tbh

see the pan he burned in that official art? it took him half an hour in his room to calm down his heartbeat and gathering around the campfire is the opposite of relaxing for him

probably hates turtlenecks with his being 

and I want to talk about his voice as that affects him the most what really bothers me about the fandom is that a lot of people ignore the fact that he probably will never speak. 

I see plenty of ppl benlor shippers say 

“he would sing for —-🥺“ “he would whisper to comfort—🥺“ n it makes me wonder are we even talking about the same character???? which is absolute bullshit if he did that he is the one that’s gonna need comfort like please. he would probably never speak unless he sees someone's head gets ripped off there body.

It's said flat out in episode 27

That he has the option to speak but he doesn’t why? Because he hates his voice and if he hates his voice sm he chose to not speak for yearsss what makes u think he would speak for the sake of someone else's comfort when doing that only pains him? he is selectively mute for a reason I'm not saying he doesn’t have a voice but at least if u headcanon him to speak in the future at least let it be for his own sake instead of doing it for someone else or make it about ur ship.

5 | Relationship with family 

Starting with his parents I don’t think they are bad parents at all they tried to help him as much as they could but they couldn’t so they opened up other options and let him move away and heal even if he’s not with them I think what the did is a good choice for their situation and their relationship would still be great tbh considering the distance 

now onto Lily

I honestly can talk about them for days. I love them 

Their relationship is so sweet the way Lily is stuck to him every chance she gets and ah also used to sing to her can you imagine how she felt seeing her brother coming home later and later covered in bruises not singing to her to sleep anymore watching him sneak out 

she basically watched her brother spiral down and then leave she was probably too young to really understand what was going on fully so now she just wants to spend all the time she can with him and he tries to make up for lost time :(

now Aiden 

most people probably forgot Aiden is the closest person to Ben and the same goes the other way around.

Aiden is a life long friend of Ben’s

he literally trusts him, follows him everywhere and lets him decide for him 

they spent most of their time together since Ben moved in they live together there stuck together.

Aiden probably helped him a lot mentally helping him try new things and be more carefree

Ben also probably helped him mentally and physically patching him up and looking out for him overall,

I see some Aiden fics that are like “Oh no Ben’s gonna be so upset at me 😖” and they make him act like a nurse, not a friend and he just bandages him up then leaves as if nothing happened and someone else comes and in does all the comforting 

like I can count all the fics where Ben acts like a decent person and I'd still have more fingers up than down,

it’s so upsetting how ignored their relationship is in this fandom they deserve so much more honestly.

6 | Relationship with friends 

he is definitely the therapist friend 

He is that kind of friend that you can tell everything to him going from weird food to the worst time of your life and won't even realize it 

his friendship with Ash is very chill not the closest I'd say,

they're really just trying to keep their peace lmao

his friendship with Taylor

I imagine them as gossip girls tbh Ben being a quiet kid while Taylor is popular they definitely know some good gossip 

his friendship with Tyler is something he used to find him irritating but then he realized they have a lot in common especially when Tyler was teaching him guitar which was precise since he was the one who offered 

and his friendship with Logan 

it's really sweet Logan would try to teach him gardening while they talk about their interests

and be absolute nerds together lmao

overall the friendship between all of them is really sweet ik I didn’t give it justice here but the found family trope and the way they find comfort in each other is just everything to me

And I'm done yappin hope u enjoyed that because that was over 1,5k words 

if u have any questions feel free to ask 🫡

[fishedeyelenz]

ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE BLACK CHRISTMAS FANDOM

Hello everyone who's been following my writing and art and OC's!! Your support has warmed my heart, and got me through some thought times. Thank you very much for sticking by me, commenting, sending me kudos and asks regarding Dilf Billy and my oc-verse I made around him!

However... I have come to realize I have made Billy, at least the older 45-50 year old version of him my own. Very much my own. I think there's a discrepancy between my characterization of him, and how he is portrayed in the movie/novel/commentary. Another thing is that I love him too much. I want to make him my own, not an interpretation of a pre-existing character...

So that's exactly what I am going to do! I'm taking him and making him an OC. Currently I am in the process if changing up his backstory to make him distinct from Billy Lenz, though the Dilf version we see in Rats in the shadows and partially in So give me coffee and tv will stay similar.

My goal is to create a group of ocs consisting of the character formerly known as Billy, Camille, Bean and other side characters who will exist in a story about an ex serial killer father. I'm still early in the rework, but I feel like I don't have change too much.

What this means I will effectively be distancing myself at least partially from the Black Christmas fandom, at least in terms of my content creation though these past few months I have been in a rut given college preoccupying most of my time. I still love Black Christmas, it will remain one of my favorite movies forever. I cherish the friends I made and the experiences I had, but I want to move on to more original creations, uninhibited by primary existing source materials.

I will still interact with fan works in terms of reblogging art and writing , and I will most likely draw more of Billy Lenz and the other characters from the movie in the future. Anything regarding Camille, Bean, "dilf Billy" though, will be something divorced from Black Christmas, entirely its own thing, though obviously inspired by it.

Will I return to writing for Black Christmas? At this point I am uncertain. I have a WIP of a priest!au thing for Dilf Billy, which if I ever get around to finishing I would post under the pretense that it's a Black Christmas fanwork. However, I am not sure if I will finish it, given that I don't really have the time, and at the moment motivation to really work on it. Another story idea exists too, one which would better fit into the Black Christmas ethos with is very dark tone and heavy subject matter (while still remaining a smut work) which I would gladly have exist as a fanwork.... But once again I am lacking the time and want to do it. It would be a very big project, all things considered.

So what now? I will keep all my Billy Lenz/Dilf Billy content up on my blog, my AO3 will stay intact (though I will forward this announcement onto there), and I won't change my tags on Dilf Billy related posts. Moving forward, though, everything created for my oc inspired by Billy Lenz/Dilf Billy Lenz will be tagged as that. I need to come up with a new name for him first...

I will also make a post regarding how the plot of Rits/Sgmcatv would have went if I'd finished them, to give you guys some sort of conclusion. Though the new oc story with Bean, Camille and the new Billy oc in it will very closely follow Rits original storyline. Most of the events of Rits are canon still in regards to Camille's and Bean's backstory, with of course some caveats (no Brahms, Camille and "Billy" meet differently etc.). But the large majority of the plot points and story beats are the same.

I will be happy to answer any further questions, as my inbox is open. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone, but I've felt the need to move on, to elevate this story. I hope I can be forgiven. Now I bid farewell to this part of my life and creative era, and look forward to the new.

[ashecampos]

The ‘heart breaker’ and the ‘self centred’

Janis ‘Imi’ike x reader

Warnings : corse language, mention of past breakups. Enemies to lovers??maybe

(I’m so sorry if this is bad, I am currently high on pain and cold meds to try and get over this flu I have <3 also pls ignore how it switches from 1st to 3rd person so much)

You had heard the rumors about the infamous north shore high, everyone had. Little did you know, you would soon be apart of one of these rumors.

Moving schools was not on your list for the things you expected from the year. You had officially been expelled from your last school due to an incident that was not at all your fault. Now all you had to do was survive senior year at a new school where you only knew two people, one being your best friend, the other being a person you hated with your entire being. Janis ‘Imi’ike.

You and Janis go way back. Like as in third grade. You hated her and she hated you, end of story. Or was it?

It was now Sunday night, you and your best friend Tessa are on FaceTime and she is getting you up to speed with the north shore gossip.

“Soo Regina and the plastics aren’t bitches anymore, everyone is friends like in middle school and there isn’t much drama. Got it?” She says finishing her rant. A pen and paper in her hand with a map of all the drama you had missed on it.

“Mh everyone is queer, no drama, Janis still hates me, Regina isn’t a mega bitch, you and Aaron are fucking and me now starting fresh at your school totally isn’t going to cause any drama at all. Gotcha” I say while grabbing more paint from a shelf at the store. She nods silently then going on another rant about how Aaron and Shane are going to make a group chat with everyone im going to meet tomorrow in it, I nod while walking around. Until I bump into someone, their notepad nearly dropping to the floor but i managed to catch it somehow. Apologising profusely i look the person in the eye and my heart stops, blood running cold. Not even a foot away stands Janis ‘Imi’ike in all her glory. I stand there for a few seconds, the notepad held out for her to take but it seems that she is having the same reaction to this awfully awkward situation. She takes a second to scoff before grabbing the notepad and walking past, our shoulders brushing past each other “since when did you move back to Evanston?”she mutters before vanishing to the next isle. What the fuck.? Of all people you could’ve ran into it had to be her didn’t it? You thought “you did not just literally bump into she who shan’t be named” Tessa interrupts your thoughts to only add onto the embarrassment your feeling. “Shut the fuck up tess” i say as the girl on the other end of the call is in the middle of a laughing fit. I speed walk to the cash register and pay for my supplies before practically sprinting home. Anything to get away from Janis before I have to put up with her for the rest of the school year.

The night went quicker than I’d like to admit, I painted a little, lost track of time and ended up dozing off with my head on my desk. The next day came and I now stand in my closet, Tessa stood with me looking for the appropriate outfit that doesn’t scream ‘I got suspended from my last school and I don’t want to be at this school’. “Hm how about this” she picks up a pink shirt earning a disgusted look from me. She groans putting the T-shirt back and sitting on my bed and shrugging “just wear a band tee or something” she says. “Just wear a band tee or something” I mock while grabbing some baggy jeans from my closet, I scan my shirts before smirking and grabbing a button up shirt and a vest. “Gay” Tessa shouts at me, laughing and pointing at my doc martens “wear those” she says with a smirk.

The thing is me and Tessa are polar opposites, shes the most girly girl you will ever meet. Whereas I look like I just stepped out of a hot topic store. She was apart of the plastics before project ‘destroy queen bee’ was put into motion. She had stated many times how much she despised what Cady done to Regina. And even though I wasn’t apart of the school or had no reason to know the drama or what went down, oh she kept me updated. I even went to see Regina after she was hit by the bus. Which got me an one way ticket to Regina’s good side. You see being friends with Tessa can be a struggle seeming that she is the popular it girl, or the girl next door per say, however o wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Oi y/n/n Shane is making the group chat now, then we are going to meet up with everyone at the front of the school”

Moments after she said that my phone vibrates, I look at it while changing into my jeans.

*Shane Oman added you into ‘norths-whores hottest’ groupchat* I laugh a little at the name, so does Tessa as she starts typing away.

(NORTH-WHORES HOTTEST)

Tessi 🪽: “hey bitches!! ready to meet north shores newest hottie?”

(8am)

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “as long as it doesn’t cause me to get hit with a bus this time”

Kay-dee ✨ : “I told you I was sorry for that reg”

Karen 💁🏽‍♀️ : “wait we have a new kid?”

Gretch 🪬: “yeah Tessa’s mysterious best friend is transferring because they got suspended from their last school”

Y/n/n 🌺: “should I be concerned how much you already know about me? Also hey guys”

Shane💪🏽: “don’t worry it’s her thing”

Reginald 💁‍♀️ : “well then congratulations and welcomes are in order, speaking of orders what coffees does everyone want im making a pitstop at Starbucks”

Gretch💁🏽‍♀️ : “ooo I’ll have a Strawberry Acai Refresher and Karen will have a hot coco, thanks babe”

Shane💪🏽 : “caramel latte thx Reggie”

Tessi🪽: “hot coco for me too babe”

“Oh and y/n/n said they will have a iced chai with oat milk and brown sugar syrup and they said thankyou”

*Reginald 💁‍♀️liked tessi’s🪽message*

You where now driving both you and Tessa to the school, your palms where beyond sweaty and you felt the lump in your throat grow worse the closer you got to the school. Tessa was sat in the passenger seat belting out show tunes, as you guys did every day in the car. It was settling your nerves a little as you clutched the steering wheel, keeping your eyes on the road.

You pull up to the school with Tessa’s help as she directs you to where the parking lot is then directs you where to park. You see Regina’s pink jeep and Shane’s black Tesla parked next to each other so you park next to Shane upon Tessa’s request. The two of you get out of the car, simultaneously grabbing your bags and linking arms, you softly nudge her and put your sunglasses on, sniggering slightly “hey, we’re gonna rule the school” you say quoting grease like you do every year “hm yeah and how’s that went the past ten years you’ve said that?” She nudges you back cocking one of her brows “okay rude, but in my defence we haven’t been in the same school the past four years” you point at her “well let’s make this one count” she says before waving at a group who you recognise to be the infamous plastics and shane.

“Soo you must be y/n, god Tessa wasn’t lying your banging” Shane comes over, his hand outstretched for you to take, you press you hand against his and hug him, eventually letting go of the hug, he hands you your drink while another set of arms wrap around your torso making you laugh “hey Karen, I missed you too” you laugh hugging her with one arm while you hold your cup in the other. She looks up adorable as ever and smiles widely, seconds later her face drops “OH MY GOD YOU GOT A MULLET” she screams, pulling away, almost knocking your drink out of your hand, you laugh even harder as she runs her fingers through your hair, admiring the shaven sides of your head. “You like?” You say, she nods before unhanding you, she turns to another girl who you assume to be Karen’s girlfriend, Gretchen, the girl is pretty, clad in an academic fitting outfit, a plaid beige skirt and a white turtleneck, she was one of the prettiest girls here, she smiles at you, giving you a simple nod. You walk over and hug her, you then turn to Regina who practically tackles you in a hug. “Who’d you fight to get expelled this time?” She whispers into your ear making you smirk “legally I can’t say but don’t worry they got what they deserved” you say as you hug her back. She slaps your shoulder and gives you a stern look “no more fighting or I will make your life a living hell” she smirks back at you.

After a brief catchup you head to the principals office to grab your paper work and schedule which was only a quick pitstop due to the fact that you had been there yesterday to hand all your paperwork over to secure your place at the school. Once you got your schedule you went straight to home room which was your first class of the day, looking down at your schedule, you walk straight into the back of someone. “Dude watch where your- oh you have got to be fucking with me now” the person says just as you open your mouth to apologise.

There in front of you stands an angered Janis ‘Imi’ike, her face drops seeing you for a second time this week. She rolls her eyes “are you following me or some shit?” She says, earning an eye roll from you “oh ku'uipo, don’t flatter yourself, my world doesn’t revolve around you” you say while walking around the girl and into your home room class, she stays stood in the doorway for another moment seeming to be frozen in place before she snaps out of whatever trance you had managed to put her in and she then walks inside the room, taking the last available seat, the one in front of you. Just before she sits herself down you manage to catch a glimpse of her face, red with a bit of a flustered expression. You grin a little acknowledging the fact you still had that affect on her after so many years.

Home room drags, the teacher is sweet though, she introduces you to everyone and proudly embarrasses you by telling the class you won the state art competition last fall which in turn earns a look from Janis who’s eyes have never left you since the teacher pulled you to the front of the class. As soon as the bell chimes your out of there having endured enough embarrassment for one person to handle. You make it your mission to get out before Janis can. I then go looking for my next class. Chemistry. You walk in expecting to be in a class full of randos but to your surprise and dismay you walk into the class to find the class full of your newfound friend group and Janis. Of course. The teacher strides in pointing at the whiteboard where a seating chart is etched into. You look for your name as the rest of your group goes and sits down, you smirk a little when you see that you are all on one table. Not bothering to look who else is on the table you go sit without hesitation. “So how was everyone’s first class?” You start, everyone groans seeming to already be put off only an hour into the week. “Oh I have some gossip for ya..oh hey Janis” Gretchen says which makes your face drop. You whip your head around praying it’s not the Janis you think it is, yet there she stands. All colour drains from your face, you look at Tessa for help but she is too busy trying not to die of laughter. Regina seems to have a similar reaction to yours with the girl being at the same table. And yet again much to your dismay the girl sits next to you, slamming her book down and looking at the front of the class toward the teacher. “Hello students, my name is Mr Jenkin and im your chemistry teacher. So seeming that we are in chemistry I like to have all the students on the same tables to have a lot of chemistry. Today’s class revolves around getting to know your groups. So one person from each table grab a deck and we shall play charades” the teacher says as he throws like seven decks of small card on his desk with a smile. Oh now this one is cute, he seems a little too nice for his own good, especially in this school.

Regina takes it upon herself to go grab the cards, taking the rubber band off of them and flicking it at Tessa who flips her off with a laugh. “I guess I’ll start then” she says reading the first card. She snickers a little before looking around the table and pointing at Aaron. “Boy?” He says straight away, Regina then shakes her head but stops and waves her hand around to say that he was right but she needs another word. She then points at her head earning a few weird looks from the table, it took me a few seconds to click on but I quickly realised what she was getting at “boy genius” I mutter quietly not being too sure on if I was right but she smiles and nods, holding her arm out to make me stand up as she hands me the cards. “Who’s boy genius?” Karen says with a big smile “an amazing band” both me and Janis say in sync earning a look from everyone in the group, I look at Janis before looking down at the card that says ‘love’ I roll my eyes and groan a little, I put my hand over my heart looking around the group to see if anyone will click on “heart?” Tessa says first, I shake my head and another idea pops into my head, I make a heart with my hands while looking around again. “Heartbreaker?” Janis mutters, earning looks from the group again, I sigh and shake my head before Tessa swoops in and says “love” which o nod to. She grins and gets up, allowing me to sit back down. A few more rounds go by and it is now Janis’ turn. She stands up brushing by me and picks the cards off of the table, she looks down for a few seconds before she points at herself making me snigger again. “Self centered?” I say proudly earning a slap from Tessa who scolds me silently. Janis snaps back “don’t make me tell your new little friends who you really are because believe me I will” she stares into my soul, my fists clenching under the table, I take a deep breath before shaking my head and grabbing my bag and leaving, hearing the group calling after me and Tessa saying “seriously Janis is there any need? She didn’t mean what happened” the teacher then calls after me before asking what everyone on the table what the hell happened. Tessa thankfully made and excuse as Janis also left the classroom.

I end up in the bathroom, slamming my fist against the wall of one of the stalls. Before wincing in pain instantly. I throw my bag and slide down the wall so I am sat down with my knees to my chest. The door to the bathroom then opens and in walks Janis. She sees me and walks over crouching down so she in face to face with me. She hesitates for a few seconds before placing her finger under my chin and making me look up at her. “Hey breathe for me yeah?” She says in a calm, knowing tone. My breath hitches a little before it picks itself up again, I struggle to breathe earning a concerned look. She tries talking to me again but it falls on death ears. I look around the bathroom frantically trying to find something to help myself, then out of the blue I feel a pair of lips on my own. Her lips. The lips that had been tormenting my dreams for the past five years. She pulls away after a few moments which felt like a lifetime. She looks at me before assuringly repeating what she said before “im sorry for what I said. I know it wasn’t your fault, im just still not over it..over us” she looks down before going to stand up, I quickly use my uninjured hand to pull her back into me, we share another kiss until the bathroom door swings open. Revealing the whole friend group.

[l0velyrand0m]

Old Soul - The First Avenger

Third chapter, here we go.

I've gotten a reblog and a few likes, so I figured the third chapter was in order. Maybe theres people actually enjoying this, yknow?

As always: The full story in it's entirety is on Wattpad (l0velyrand0m) and there may or may not be a second book in the works? This is all mostly for my enjoyment, there's no demand or anything, I'm just addicted to fictional men punching people.

The prior chapters are on my blog, the first chapter is pinned and the second chapter was posted not too long ago.

"Faster, ladies! Come on! My grandmother has more life in her, God rest her soul!" Peggy shouted at the soldiers lined up doing push ups on the ground. Eliza watched and observed the men. Erskine had given her the task of watching out for the "least fit" in the group. No idea why, but she was sure it was her brother. Until she overheard Phillips.

"You're not seriously thinking about picking Rogers, are you?" the Colonel asked the doctor next to him, who simply nodded.

"I am more than just thinking about it. He is the clear choice. I'm hoping our Nurse friend over there agrees," Erskine replies. Eliza was thoroughly confused.

"When you brought a ninety-pound asthmatic onto my Army base, I let it slide. I thought, what the hell? Maybe he'd be useful to you, like a gerbil," Colonel Phillips explained. Somehow him referring to her brother as a "gerbil" made Eliza almost offended for him. "I never thought you'd pick him."

Eliza walked over to the two men and joined the conversation. "Gentlemen," she greeted. Erskine offered her a small smile.

"Up," Peggy commanded the boys once she saw Erskine, Phillips and Eliza gathered together.

"Doctor Erskine, forgive me," Eliza began. "What is the Super Soldier breed exactly?"

"A Super Soldier is a highly advanced superhuman, given abilities from a serum I invented. It's highly intuitive - made to make the weakest man stronger. But it only amplifies what's already there. Give the serum to the wrong person, and you've just made them more of themselves." Erskine's explanation made Eliza nearly sick to her stomach. She wasn't entirely convinced that Steve would survive such a thing. "Rogers is a perfect candidate. Determined, clever. The serum will do him well."

"You stick a needle in that kid's arm and it's gonna go right through him!" Phillips exclaimed. Eliza almost wanted to agree.

They glanced over to the recruits scurrying to straighten up at Peggy's command.

"Look at that. He's making me cry," Phillips scoffed.

"I am looking for qualities beyond the physical," Erskine says. Eliza was starting to dislike his philosophical speeches.

"Do you know how long it took to set up this project?"

"Yeah, I know."

"All the grovelling I had to do in front of Senator What's-His-Name's committees?"

"Brandt," Erskine corrected. "Yes, I know. I am well aware of your efforts."

"Then throw me a bone. Hodge passed every test we gave him," Phillips says. Eliza wrinkled her nose. She didn't want to have to work with Hodge anymore than she already had to. "He's big, he's fast, he obeys orders. He's a soldier."

"He's a bully," Erskine corrected Phillips again.

"You don't win wars with niceness, Doctor." Phillips reached into his pocket and pulled out a hand grenade. "You win wars with guts."

Phillips threw the grenade into the area where the men were training. "Grenade!" and all the men scattered.

Except for Steve.

Steve jumped on the bomb and covered it with his body. Eliza's heart dropped. Peggy stood wide eyed at the boy.

"Get away! Get back!" Steve yelled. He waited for the bomb to go off, but nothing ever happened.

"It was a dummy grenade." Eliza whispered, and looked to Phillips.

"All clear! Back in formation." an officer waved all of them back into line.

"Is this a test?" Steve asked, peering up at Erskine, Phillips and Eliza.

"He's still skinny."

•••

Eliza laid silently on her bunk. She couldn't believe the nerve of Steve earlier. But at the same time... she was astonished. Proud, even. That her brother would think to do that. Suddenly she understood what Erskine meant about choosing Steve over Hodge. Whatever was in the serum wasn't just enhancing the physcial stuff. It would enhance him mentally, too.

A knock at her door drew her attention back.

"It's just me, are you decent?" Steve asked from the other side of the door.

"Decently mad at you, sure," Eliza remarked. Steve sighed. "Yes. It's fine if you come in."

The door opened to reveal her twin brother. She wanted to question how he got over here in the first place, but then she noticed Erskine behind him and assumed the german doctor had something to do with his arrival.

"You have five minutes, then you must return to your barracks. I need to speak with Miss Rogers as well."

Steve nodded and closed the door. "Look, Liza, I never meant to piss you off this bad, I just-"

"You saw an opportunity and you took it. I understand. How do you think I'm here, Steve?"

He smiled slightly. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk, and not listening to you when you were only trying to protect me."

"I should've realised you didn't need protecting. You're not a 16 year old kid in Brooklyn anymore. You're grown up. And I'm proud of you."

Her words sent a stab of remorse through Steve's heart. The words, coming from her, meant the world to him. But he was only recieving them because he made her feel like the bad guy for doing the right thing.

"Thank you, Eliza. I'm proud of you too."

"Five minutes are up, Steven," Erskine said, opening the door. "Say your goodnight and goodbye so I may speak with her."

"Bye, Elizabeth, have a good night."

"You too, Steve," she said, watching him walk out the door.

"Miss Rogers, it's come to my attention that Steven is your twin brother?"

"Yes, sir."

"You've had a knack for taking care of him. So I have a promotion for you once our project starts. You'll be his personal aid. I'll teach you everything I know about the side effects of the serum and what to watch out for starting tomorrow. Are you interested?"

•••

"I know this neighborhood," Steve wonders, looking out the window of the car. "I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner."

Peggy stared at him cluelessly. "Did you have something against running away?"

"Yes. Yes, he did," Eliza chimed in.

"You start running, they'll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can't say no forever, right?" Steve pondered. Peggy's expression changed from confused to curious.

"I know a little of what that's like. To have every door shut in your face."

Eliza nodded. "It's annoying."

"I guess I don't know why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame," Steve wondered aloud. Peggy raised a brow at him, and Eliza looked over with a look of "what the hell". Steve immediately tried to recover. "Or a beautiful... a woman. An Agent! Not a dame. I mean you are beautiful but-"

"Please, for the love of God, shut up, Steve," Eliza groaned.

"You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" Peggy snickered.

"This is the longest conversation I've had with one. Woman aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on," he shrugged.

"You must have danced?"

"Well asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few years didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait."

"For what?"

"The right partner."

The car pulled up by an antiques shop. Peggy and Eliza exited the car, Steve trailing behind, completely clueless. Eliza was too, but she trusted Peggy enough to follow her without question.

"This way," Peggy instructs him.

"What are we doing here?" Steve asked.

Peggy smirked. "Follow me," she says, guiding Eliza and Steve into the shop.

"Wonderful weather this morning, isn't it?" the shop owner asks Peggy.

"Yes, but I always carry my umbrella."

The shop owner nods, and Peggy leads the twins to a basement. It opens up into a large circular laboratory. Erskine's team was huddled around the center and around different machines. Steve was lead to the center of the room, however, where a pod was fixed in the floor.

"Good morning!" Erskine greeted the twins happily. He takes Steve's hand and shakes it as someone takes a picture. Eliza hated being in pictures. Something about people seeing her long after she was gone, and there was nothing she could do to tell them not to look. She didn't like that sort of thing. "Please, not now," Erskine shooed the photographer away. Steve looked at the pod curiously.

"Are you ready?" Eliza asked him. Steve only nodded.

"Good! Take off your shirt," Erskine instructed him. Steve did so, and climbed into the pod, laying down on a table. "Elizabeth, go assist Mr Stark, please."

"Yes, sir," Eliza nodded. She walked over to the man, and then it hit her who Stark was. Howard Stark. The genius inventor. "Mister Stark, my pleasure."

Howard turned around to look at her, a smile falling on his face. "You must be Elizabeth Rogers."

"How'd you know that?"

"Erskine was talking you up earlier. Apparently you're a really good nurse?" he comments with a smile.

"Well, I don't like to brag," she shrugged. "But I wouldn't mind the compliment."

"Mister Stark, how are your levels?" Erskine shouted across the room.

"Levels at one hundred percent," he answered. "So is that your brother? Steven?"

"Good!" Erskine replied.

"Yeah, my twin," she answered.

"Interesting. The twin sister of a super soldier, huh? How weird has that gotta be?"

"It's not quite set in yet. He's still gonna be a twig in my mind forever."

"Hope you didn't pick on him when you were younger," Howard smiled. Eliza recalled her mother's sayings, not to pick on him because one day he'll be bigger than her. Though she wasn't sold on it, and she definitely wasn't ready for that to be the case artificially. "We may dim half the lights in Brooklyn, but we're as ready as we'll ever be."

"Elizabeth! Come here!"

"Gotta run, Stark. Nice conversation."

"Yeah.. Yeah let's do this again sometime. Maybe under different circumstances?"

"Maybe."

"How do you like your coffee?"

"Elizabeth!"

"Cream and extra sugar."

Eliza ran off back to the table where her brother lay. Erskine handed her a needle, of what she assumed to be penicillin. "Inject him with this, then come back with me."

"Hey, Steve," Eliza said calmly as she walked over with the needle. "I'm here to inject you with the euthanasia."

His eyes went big before he realised she was joking. "Oh, haha."

She squeezed his skin gently and gave him the shot.

"That wasn't so bad," he said softly.

"That was penicillin."

Steve's mouth formed an "o" as she took the needle away and Erskine came back to his side.

"Serum infusion beginning in five, four, three, two, one," Erskine counted. Eliza wished she could hide in the viewing room with Peggy and Phillips. But here she was. Watching her brother and best friend get experimented on. Steve winced as the serum was injected into him. "Now, Mister Stark."

Howard pulled a lever, and Steve was upright in the pod as the doors closed. Eliza wandered back over to Mister Stark's side as he amps the procedure.

"That's ten percent," he informed Erskine, but pointed it out to Eliza. "Twenty percent. Thirty."

Eliza could start to hear Steve's pained screams as the vita rays transformed his body. She lowered her head slightly and watched the numbers raise with intent on focusing more on Howard's numbers than Steve.

She had focused so hard, that she blocked out all the noise in the room until she heard Steve yell in response to the scientist. "No don't! I can do this."

"Eighty. Ninety. That's one hundred percent."

The power in the lab overloaded, and Stark rushed to open up the pod and get Steve out. Eliza's breaths were shallow as she waited to see what happened to her brother.

Suddenly everyone came rushing out of the observation room and into the lab. She steeled herself and turned her head to look at her brother.

She was shocked. Steven Rogers was now the first successful Super Solider.

[did-i-mention-the-shirt]

okay okay yes i KNOW i should be writing my fanfic BUT

Community characters as AJJ songs bc it's my favorite show and favorite band :] (If you want anyone added, feel free to ask!) Jeff Winger - Brave As A Noun. Okay, hear me out. This song not only applies to him lyrically but also shares the energy he has in the later seasons. He's just forcing himself to be satisfied with a life he doesn't really want, but also doesn't hate, is very season six finale. That is very much BAAN.

Britta Perry - Dissonance. It really has her energy. From the pilot to the finale, it fits her consistently despite her major character change. She is not put together. She hates herself because everyone's told her to. Britta is the best, but no one sees that. Not even herself. The only people who treated her with respect were the people she spent the least amount of time with! Think about it, she's had - what? - One touching scene with Duncan and Pierce each? She deserves more.

Abed Nadir - Goodbye, Oh Goodbye. Just listen to the song and you'll agree. This is mostly because of Troy's departure or in Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas. Whenever he has to confront his emotions, he has this distance between himself and everyone else. The opening lines, "I was thrown onto the ground/I was locked inside a basement/The guards went on vacation while I plotted my revolt." really, really, REALLY reminds me of 'Virtual Systems Analysis' when Annie's talking to Abed in the mind locker. It's a sad song, but it really fits him. The line "It's nothing like the nothingness that normally numbs one pain" is very clearly related to Troy. He got so used to Troy, and he never took him for granted, but Troy became a constant. He was Abed's anchor, and now he's gone.

Annie Edison - No one. This is Annie, particularly as the Ace of Hearts in 'A Fistful Of Paintballs'.

Troy Barns - A Big Day for Grimley. It's giving post-sea voyage Troy. He's changed, he's traumatized, and he's a little bit alone. He's proud of himself but is full of regret. What happened to Abed? He doesn't know.

Pierce Hawthorne - People Ii: The Reckoning. THIS IS PIERCE!!! Now, many of you know I love Pierce, so if you don't then you might not agree with this choice lmao

Pierce is sad. He is so sad. In Britta's words, he has spent so long looking out for himself, but he would give it all up for a shot at a family. He never gets that family. The study group never fully accepts him, despite his efforts and his becoming a better person with their help. Even Annie, the nicest to him in the group, seems to see him as a project or something. Like, he's just some old racist, homophobic old man, and not someone with 60+ years of trauma that he gradually works through with the help of his friends. He gains a brother. He defends the LGBTQ+ community. He wants nothing more than to be close to Jeff. And he dies alone.

So, yeah. "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson, people love you more, oh nevermind."

Dean Craig Pelton - Human kittens. No, I don't know why. Someone needs to give him a hug (Jeff).

Ben Chang - Dipping Things In Stuff. I don't know, he's batshit. He wants love though, just like the rest of us. This is very seasons 5/6 of Chang, I believe.

Buzz Hickey - Hate, rain on me. Tired, nihilistic, and praying for hope. I really like this song for him.

Elroy Patashnick - Normalization Blues. Don't ask me why. It works.

Ian Duncan - Fucc The Devil. Sad, distant, desperate, and hallow. But enough about Duncan. This song is the perfect example of, "I have what I want. Why am I still not okay?" which is what Duncan faces a lot. "I wanna go away for a while/Away for awhile/Because the things that I have seen/Are turning me into a shitty human being." Look me in the eyes and tell me that's not Ian. This man deserves so much more then people will let him have. Don't get me wrong, he's awful. But aren't we all, just a little bit?

Frankie and Shirley are too sane for this band im sorry to them

[wwilloww]

update: where i've been part two

hi! hello! my beautiful friends!

good god i have missed you so very much. i am so sorry i've been away.

back in september of last year i popped onto tumblr to tell you all where i've been. i had every intention of coming back to write but it just... never happened. i got sucked back into the vacuum of school and thesis and old friends and new friends and a new relationship with a really lovely girl.

i've been thinking a lot about why i haven't been active on here. tbh i don't go a day without thinking of this community and the stories i've left unfinished and untended to. heads up, the next couple of paragraphs are a little personal, so please treat them with some tenderness.

the fall brought a lot of really big changes for me and looking back i realize my stopping writing on here is a result of me trying to integrate those big changes into my life.

first off, i've been working nonstop on a book (a book!!!) which is also my thesis for my master's. i really underestimated how much time and creative energy this book would take. i've learned so much though, both in regards to form and craft, but also as a person, finding out so much about who i am.

then, after the combination of moving away from my shitty old apartment, changing my thesis project from anger and depression to something focused on joy and reconnection, and making some big mindset changes, i felt so strangely free. 🌱 at first, i thought it was just a windfall. that it'd last for a couple of days. but as the fall semester went on, i felt lasting relief from some mental health issues i've been struggling with as a result of a horrible, horrible relationship that lasted the entirety of my teen years. the change was incredible. it was like my body and mind were functioning again. i felt happy. like actually, really happy. and when i wasn't happy, i was content.

on top of that, this fall prompted me to re-explore my sexuality. i didn't know where my relationship with fanfiction fit into this new understanding of myself, and i'm still parsing it apart.

so. i'm still figuring all of these things out, and i think having a space away from showing up online was really crucial to that growth.

every day i've been away from tumblr i've missed it and i've missed you guys and i think it's time to come back. last year this time, i was writing 1k+ a day for sh., and the seasons reminded me of how special and wonderful it was to be deep in that creative process. i don't know if it's realistic to promise a chapter a month, but i would like to put out a chapter in the next two weeks, as i've been working on it bit by bit over the last couple of months.

this is all to say:

sh. and my unfinished projects will continue, as will new projects. i'm going to keep writing.

thank you all for being here, even when i'm not. you all are such a beautiful community and i feel so so happy to be a part of this group of fantastic people.

thanks for being my friends. thank you for believing in and uplifting my writing. you're incredible.

with love,

willow 🌱💕

[qqueenofhades]

Okay – so! Thank you for all that you do for fandom and The History side of tumblr- it’s a LOT.

 I’m struggling with mapping a historical accuracy/fanon vs. canon concept. I hope you can help me untangle my thoughts on this.  Diverse representation in media is very important to me; and I’m also aware of the damage that the ‘colour-blind’ casting can do.  So! I’m trying to reconcile a common fandom perception that Hob Gadling is of South-East Asian decent.   (I know that Ferdie is!- I also have seen zero evidence that he claims Desi Diaspora as part of his identity. It makes me really uncomfortable that fandom might be projecting their desire for ‘Representation’ onto a man who lives outside his ancestral culture.)

What I do know is that Hob is a medieval freeman (?) from the south of England in the 1300s. I wonder at the possibility of his CHARACTER being of mixed race? I know that Briton and Europe and Africa were in trade. I know that People of colour moved freely around the continents!

  I’ve done some research into London population polls from the time, but I’m not certain of their degree of accuracy/usefulness.  They describe immigrants as ‘aliens’.. and most I’ve seen are European. I haven’t even come across evidence of Muslim or ‘Moorish’ people settling in London???!

The written history I’ve read tells me the Europeans didn’t establish trade with India until the mid 1400s. (How it’s possible they didn’t know about each other is Baffling and seems impossible??) Anyway. The crux of the matter is:  would Hob Gadling possibly been of mixed heritage?

I mean yes, technically, he COULD be. The most logical route for that would be to give him some family heritage from somewhere in Spain, or Iberia, which was a fully mixed-race society until well into the 13th/14th century, and was in regular trade and communication with England. The medieval Iberian Christian kingdoms of Castile-León, Aragon, and Navarre particularly were close trading partners and English/Iberian royalty married each other fairly often. It was somewhat less the case by the time Hob was born in the 1350s, but there is certainly enough previous contact to make it feasible. Muslims, Christians, and Jews all lived in Iberia (how much they all co-existed has long been one of the most debated questions in religious/historical studies), and Muslims had a presence in Spain for over 700 years, since the first arrivals in 711 CE following the collapse of the Umayyad dynasty in Baghdad, until their final expulsion under Ferdinand and Isabella in 1492.

The question, however, is if he SHOULD be headcanoned or identified as mixed-race, and while I am the least fandom-policey person ever and respect people's right to enjoy their own ideas in peace, it personally makes me a little uncomfortable. It feels related to the "fandom activism!" mindset where you should ship a more Morally Pure OTP, or your favorite is "better" if they can be somehow identified with a marginalized group, regardless of whether this fits or makes sense for the character. And in this case, Hob’s background as a good-looking white British bloke with an appropriately English-sounding name, as I describe him in AITWW, is central to both his character arc, his major mistakes, and how he has to learn and grow over time. It was absolutely vital to me that in AITWW, he had to explicitly confront the massive amounts of unearned privilege that he enjoyed over the centuries by being born into that body, and how it would be very different for him if he hadn't been. As his friend Julia puts it in their discussion in chapter 13, he had the luck to be born into a body that society automatically privileges and values and places into positions of power whether or not he deserves it, and as a black woman, she thinks immortality sounds absolutely awful. Why would she want to put up with the absolute shit it would be to live 600 years, at least in the Western world/America/Europe, in that embodiment?

Likewise, Hob agrees and admits that of course it's easy for him to want to live forever and maintain enthusiasm for life, because whatever difficulties he has faced, his race and gender have not contributed to them (which is the essence of white privilege in a nutshell). And of course, the urge to make him mixed-race might reflect some discomfort with his actual canon background and involvement in slavery, no matter if he obviously feels terribly guilty and driven to atone for over 200 years after that (as he SHOULD). In some sense, making him mixed-race might seem to mitigate that or give some reason to make him "sympathetic" while he was doing it, and frankly, I don't think 18th-century Hob deserves to get off the hook for being yet another British white man who might have felt bad about what he was doing at times, but continued to do it anyway. I'm not saying this is anyone's motive or intention, but it does trouble me, especially since Hob’s whiteness, the damage of that whiteness, and the way he has to deliberately and extensively unlearn that urge to just live life on easy mode regardless of the damage it does to others is what I find so interesting about his character. In short, if Hob was part of a racially marginalized group already, he might have made different choices, but he didn't, and now he is forced to literally live with that guilt and shame forever. He doesn't get to exonerate himself, and nor do I do it for him.

Lastly, I think this reflects a very modern and somewhat over-simplified way of thinking; to our modern and institutionally-racist-pickled brains, race is the chief category that can be explicitly constructed as Otherness, and doesn't reflect the very unclear way this was perceived and experienced in the 14th century. I.e., you note that immigrants to England "were mostly European" -- which is true, but does not reflect the dizzying array then as now, in which local, national, ethnic, and religious identities were constructed. One unattractive feature of the English national character over many centuries has been their hostility and distrust of foreigners, and this was especially the case in the 14th and especially late-14th, post-Black Plague society. For example, the Flemish were regarded as "morally inferior" since they ran several well-known brothels and red-light districts in Southwark, across the Thames from London (now part of the city), and that meant they were purveying immorality, rather than being there since the English desired their services. Xenophobia was especially rampant against "strangers" of any type, especially against Jews again post-Black Death for sadly predictable anti-Semitic reasons, and even being from continental Europe would not have made someone "English" in their eyes. Even by the Elizabethan era, it was almost impossible for a foreign-born citizen (or "denizen," meaning something akin to "permanent resident") to get licensed as a guildsman in the city of London, and without that license, you could not run a business, practice a trade, or engage in substantial paid work in any way.

Likewise, medieval notions of race were fluid, uncertain, and often linked to religion more than ethnic origin. There are several Arthurian legendarium reworkings, and epic poems such as The King of Tars, where the "happy" ending is that the mixed-race, Muslim, or black hero is converted to Christianity and abandons whatever untrue pagan religion he has been following before. This is often accompanied with a literal physical transformation turning him from black- or dark-skinned (impure) to white (pure). So yes, racial thinking and categories did exist, but it wasn't seen as fixed or unalterable, and again, wasn't really the first or primary way in which Otherness was constructed (compared to say, "Saracen," which functioned throughout almost the entire medieval era as a marker of difference and had varied racial, religious, sexual, and ethnic connotations, but originally came from the term for Muslims).

So anyway: hopefully that all makes sense and provides some context in both my historical and fandom thinking on the matter. Thanks for the question!

[katyspersonal]

11, 17, and 21 for Micolash!

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?

Although I liked him from the start, the "falling in love" did not happen instantly! Especially because my primal Bloodborne exposure was within an extremely small and secluded group, in which a snobbish near-Redditor friend would condemn "cringey Tumblr girls crushes" XD I was a little nervous upon realising that my attraction and curiosity to Micolash was only growing with every day, that I kept checking the same fanarts of him every day. I was not thrilled to feel judged so I was in denial and forged exclusively lorediggey interest. And then I just took my confidence back with this meme that started it all:

Basically, there was no particular trigger, but instead, everything I've learned about this character became planted seeds, and yet they sprouted and kept growing. My own wild, unhinged imagination and daydreaming was the water, good fanart and headcanons were the sunlight. Ironically though, this same friend helped to nourish it; he is very good at making impressions of characters and I asked him to write as Micolash in my starvation for more dialogue. It was so in-character that it did feel like getting extra script of Mico's lines.

17) Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache).

Yeah... I am a little ashamed of it, but ey. No need to beat myself up for how my brain is wired? I've had two times of unexplainable nausea (as it, I was not sick or poisoned) because of this man! Both times happened after a particularly striking dream revolving around him. I also sometimes got strong headaches because of him, when I was spiralling into thinking about him too much!

21) Are your feelings about this character platonic, romantic, or familial? All of these feelings at once maybe?

All of these in this order of development, and currently all of these at once. Like I said, I was instantly fascinated by him, then it grew into a strong crush.. And, strangely enough, whereas I instantly latched onto Rom, kinned her even, and shipped Romicolash, my brain involuntarily imagined an OC that I could project onto more than onto Rom, yet that'd be his sister. So, I had a chance to imagine myself being with him, and yet threw it away for familial relationship instead? This is a part of the many years long string of strange self-sabotages, in which whenever I fell hard for a fictional character I'd "ruin my chances" by making their sexuality exclude me, or inventing any other way why we could not be together even in my dreams. What scares me so? But hey, at least I had Rom, right? .....right?

Wrong. Meet the description I've glossed over at first, but that changed everything when @val-of-the-north convinced me to really peer into it all like 'ohhhh whooo could they beeee?'. Given the context, the description could be referring to Micolash and Rom, and my lore brain instantly picked up 500+ canon-fitting clues and explanations for why it absolutely made sense. I was delighted by it. I was frustrated by it. I felt like a genius that deciprehered a mystery that fandom did not see for 6-7 years. I knew Romicolash shippers would shy away from me for that one and I felt lonely. I felt proud because on the other side I started a "trend" that ricocheted across the fandom so much that now headcanon of Rom and Micolash as siblings is the norm, not exception. I hated myself for sabotaging my only means to "be" with Micolash in my dreams.

But in the end, I just... accepted it? I've found peace in knowing that different parts of my identity feel differently towards this man, and I can't sacrifice either. And I was able to internalise the differences between my Rom, other people's Rom and Rom as 'general character concept'. So I can like teacher-student, I can like friendship, I can like familial, I can like ship, I can like them as enemies. But this applies to me-me too! It is easier to name what feelings I do not have towards him hahah;

[ctl-yuejie]

only friends ep 7

1/4

hmm...don't know how to feel about the hospital scene. felt like something was missing. no matter how drunk and drugged up rain was, sand seems a bit too chill for his own good.

wish we could have had cheurm and april waking up in bed being cute as a scene and then have mew knock at the door for emotional support.

top really isn't that clever isn't he? doesn't even consider nick as the perpetrator. however, that might fit with how little regard he has for nick as a competitor.

you know it is coming....but once again cheering for mark's acting here. neo and him really delivered this scene. interesting that boston seems to still want top...hmmm. probably the best thing for nick to be cut off by boston like this. might hurt but at least it's a clean cut.

2/4

hmmm...sand baby...really not sure whether he wasn't hurt by what ray said or if he has other things on his mind.

i actually really like how close ray and mew are and that we are getting heart-to-heart talks like this. the hand-holding was very cute.

i just love when boston raises his eyebrows like, yes, deal with me. maybe better than not meaning your apology, but i am cackling at how not sorry boston is. THE iconic scene from the trailer. perfect balance of someone could seriously drown and it looking very pathetic. particularly Boston's slap of the water in the end. love to see that cheurm (as expected) clearly is the leader of the gang.

when he yelled at nick, boston clearly knew he'd lose his friends but somehow still looked surprised when the whole group shunned him.

3/4

yes!!!! first and nick in a serious scene??? give me more. yes! you tell everyone nick, it's YOUR misguided call to make. (went into this series happy to see neo and mark in bigger roles, didn't expect to enjoy them this much). HOW is it so easy to baby Mark as Nick, he looks so sad and teary-eyed. Boston is a strong man to not hug a crying Nick despite himself. love the initial rejection of Sand hugging him quickly being won over by "please hug me, I am the most heartbroken person that has ever existed". i like that he sees Boston for who he is but also thinks he got close to Boston falling for him. maybe Boston being so hung up about Top gives him hope that that could be him (beyond trying to emulate his style, since Top is Boston's type)

fairly certain that while top might not be that much into mew, he certainly was hurt by his drawings getting burnt. i feel like it's one of the few times he made himself vulnerable by showing mew his hobby (i think there is still a struggle between him wanting to try something serious like this but uncertainty whether he want it to be with mew, or whether mew is the image of who he wants to be vulnerable with. vice versa similar projection onto top by mew in the earlier part of the series).

(again, the soundtrack is just all bangers. my week currently: ofts on saturday - sun, mo, tue, wed, thurs, fri: listening to the ost on repeat)

another unexpected combo? hmm..idk mew, not sure whether nick sees himself fully as the victim here. Ohhh, would Nick want to hurt Boston?? Ahhhh, Nick!!!! This is getting so dark.

Ahaha, I like how we can see that Mew is trying out to be "a villain". even re-using his accident with Top to deliberatedly approach someone this time. (everyone was joking about Neo single-series-ly getting to the top of the list of same-sex kisses in gmmtv, but I see Drake threw in is hat into the ring unsuspectingly). okay, Mew, let's whether you can get out of this in time. omg! he and boston really did a lot more that just what was shown in episode 1...the file is called boston69. p'jojo, please enlighten me.

4/4

ahaha, mew in his new fit is visibly so out of place in his own flat. i like seeing boston squirm. boston hasn't really much regard for himself. he is very egoistic but at the same time, his concern is about the consequences for his dad. not even the consequences for the realtionship he has with his dad. he even told nick, that he wouldn't mind it that gap hat recorded him, if it wasn't for his dad. (rotates boston in my mind for the next 24 hours)

it cannot be repeated enough how cringe top can be. and again, mew hates to be put on the spot. how has he still not understood that mew might let him into his flat to talk but will not tolerate him showing up unannounced overcompensating (possibly clear throughline to how Top's parents and everyone else around him tended to apologies to him). Wish we could have seen more of Cheurm hosing them all down before Top hit Mew.

Somehow they heard me and gave me another Mew Ray heart-to-heart? Khao is so good at making his long crush so visible whenether he is with Mew. Hmm...when will Nick realise that Mew might not have really helped his case (unless Boston approaches him to get rid of the videos for good).

(Oh god, Nick's outfit in the preview...after the kiss/marry/kill game I wait for each week to give me the episode when Sand and Nick hook up)

[holoprisms]

do not let anyone change the way you view yourself, as if you are not aesthetically pleasing enough.

almost every man ive ever met in my life who was interested in me has rated me a solid 6.5 out of 10, and all of them were somehow obsessed with getting me to become more physically fit. more “healthy”

my body is strangely shaped, i have too much fat in certain places like my belly and my arms, my hair is too long or too short for their tastes, i should shave my legs, i don’t act ladylike enough, i should get botox to fix the wrinkles on my forehead and chin because I have so much extra skin, my teeth are too yellow, i laugh too obnoxiously, my chin is lopsided, i need more muscle to fill my body out and be toned. one of them wanted me to do squats because he told me my butt wasn’t perky enough “but there is potential.”

they told me that they couldn’t really ever see me as genderfluid, and that i only appear feminine and womanlike to them. but apparently not living up to their standards of what a woman should be. like. shut up. Literally shut UP.

i’ve fallen into the vicious cycle of telling myself i need to look like a barbie, like a runway model, like instagram women who travel to dubai in bikinis and eat yogurt for breakfast. or like the perfect 90s blond male magazine physique. because im soooo close to either one anyway, just not quite there. why not close the circle and fix my insecurities with excercise and plastic surgery? when i looked at myself i felt shame for so many things. i still do, but less often now. im still picking out the brain rot this disease has caused me.

i am very lucky to have a partner who thinks im beautiful no matter what. hearing this affirmation daily really does help.

i am having the weirdest time in the world right now because ive worked myself into a social circle in which my looks and self presentation have NO value whatsoever. usually people are only interested in what i have to say if im attractive.

i love it. i love not caring for once. i love it here and i love my friends dearly and they are all seriosuly the most beautiful people to me in the world

bigoted majority groups run the world, their beauty standards have dominated capitalism for decades. they want you to buy more things to conform to skewed beauty standards. you aren’t ugly. you AREN’T misshapen. you have friends who think you are beautiful. AND YOU LITERALLY ARE!!! they aren’t just saying it to make you feel better. they are seeing the REAL you. they are seeing your own vision of yourself, and how youve projected that vision onto your form. everyone views art differently. to be truly seen is to be loved.

[holding-monsters-hands]

I saw you headcanoned Slappy as autistic, would you be willing to write headcanons for that manifests in him and other slashers/characters you feel are autistic?

ABSOLUTELY OMG

Also note: I am mostly basing these off of my own experiences as an autistic person, and from the other autistic people in my life! if these don’t apply to you it does not make you any less valid! you’re wonderful no matter what! :3

Characters that I HC as autistic:

Of course, there's slappy! I feel this one STRONGLY not only because he's a huge comfort character of mine and a fixation, but some of my headcannons for him in particular include:

He bites to show affection JJSHJSD, like?? he has pretty good control on his jaw strength but trust me your ankles WILL get bit by him.

In my opinion he’s pansexual, what does this have to do with autism you may ask? well it’s proven that a large percentage of autistic/neurodivergent people are usually queer or at least queer adjacent!

He appears to be very blunt or rude! when in actuality he’s just being honest, he doesn’t like to beat around the bush! so why sugarcoat things when you can just get straight to the point?

Taking things INCREDIBLY literally, like you could tell he doesn’t always get common phrases or sayings at first

He doesn’t really care about fitting into any social groups or circles? not just cause he’s a dummy but because he doesn’t care, if he makes a friend then cool but its honestly not a high priority for him.

he either bounces between not being able to hold eye contact because it’s just extremely draining, or doing too much eye contact and freaking someone out.

very repetitive behaviors/wanting to have things very very carefully planned out- he will genuinely get upset if even the smallest detail goes wrong.

his emotions will hardly be expressed by his face, not just because he has limited range in that area- but also because he just doesn’t have the ability to without feeling drained, he’ll just tell you how he feels!

& other characters including:

Jason Voorhees! I can relate to him a lot as well because I was also heavily bullied and didn’t have any friends, mostly because the other kids didn’t understand why I was so different from them. Canonically, Jason suffered from that exact situation in his childhood and it caused him to become non-verbal and secluded himself at the camp. I have a feeling that he just needs someone who can empathize with him, and to be able to accommodate his needs, he’s just dealt with enough in life y’know?

AM! He’s just, very very angry and emotional a lot of the time- and of course this doesn’t apply to every autistic person, as we all experience things differently! but I also have problems with expressing my stronger emotions, he feels very strongly and has a hard time expressing it in a healthy way! also he fixates heavily on different pieces of information, and the survivors probably have to hear it all the time shkshsjs

HAL for sure, he’d definitely go on and on about different things he’s learned to dave- and on topics he’s fixated on, he also has trouble with expressing his feelings verbally! while not in the sense of getting upset, he just can’t show it in his tone! but even then nobody has to guess, as HAL would just straight up tell people how he feels.

Yellow guy! also a silly dude I heavily project onto, not only with some pretty rough things i’ve experienced in the past, but with how people treat him/how he acts! He gets infantilized CONSTANTLY or people treat him like an idiot, which makes me sad because his brain just processes things differently, and that’s okay!

BRETT HAND BRETT HAND BRETT HAND- He’s just like me fr, he’s just!! <3 so silly, he’s very very empathetic and has such a strong sense of justice, he loves his friends so much and whenever he brings up some niche interest to the gang I can just SMELL the neurodivergency on him LMDHSKHS

Warren! He’s just,, yeah! <3 I really really do feel like he tries to be social and to make friends and his attempts are genuine, he just comes off the wrong way. Most neurotypical people can see certain autistic traits as rude, when really we might just not be able to do that societal expectation or just don’t get it! my own example includes eye contact, i’ve had to wear a pin that explains my trouble with eye contact so people don’t think i’m trying to be mean shkshs

Snappy! slappy’s brother! he’s shjsnsjs such a cutie, love him. I feel like he physically stims a lot, like does little jumps up and down, shakes his hands, or paces! which are just a few of the ones I do personally shjsbsj- he also probably has just a touch of echolalia, repeating any words or phrases he picks up from slappy or maybe jimmy!

thank you for this ask! it was a ton of fun to do! <3

[cowboymantis]

"The gate has opened.

A new history has written down.

Seven kings of the seven world gathered

and headed for a new kingdom.

All will be one, and the one will be all,

All come to mean the world.

King, draw your sword."

"He who holds the sword, bear the weight.

Carry onto a new era."

And that's how Kingdom starts off in a way, those texts are in the very first debut album of Kingdom and I absolutely loved their concept since the very beginning.

Now... It does sound very similar to King Ohger right?? I'm not going crazy because I obsess over two things and want to connect them no?? No! Because!! I already did this before King Ohger even started, just when it was barely announced. Sure there was a lot of hype anyway because it was the first Sentai season I was there for from the very beginning, and I absolutely love themes like that, but I was even more hyped because it just reminded me SO MUCH of Kingdom, which is one of my favourite bands. I own every album (versions) and have written a whole theory google doc combined with an introduction for my friend and made a whole personal archive of all their stuff ,,,

It was just perfect, the main characters are a bunch of kings of different kingdoms, all of which look completely different and are centered around one big theme.

And then I noticed how some were kind of overlapping with King Ohger, the more got announced about that show.

So I planned on doing this Kingdom X King Ohger thing a while back, but then I didn't really want to start it yet since King Ohger was just beginning, and looking back it was a smart move because a lot of things changed. For example, I probably would've put Ivan and Rita together because of snow, same with Mujin and Kaguragi because of the outfits and theme, just like Louis and Himeno, once again for that exact reason.

Sure, I could also just make one based off of aesthetics alone, but now I like to put a bit more lore into it! Because that's what it's all about, the LORE

So how am I doing this now? First, next thing I'm gonna do is share my notes on who I'm pairing up with who and why. Or at least, I try to explain why I think it fits. Then, I'll add some parts of the Kingdom member's "song" that I think also further prove my point...or something like that. And some photos I thought could have a similar vibe when I went through my albums and archives and stuff. (Also I love calling it archives that sounds so professional hdhdhddh)

I mean, at the end of the day it's just a little project I plan on doing for fun for two things I love so it doesn't have to make much sense right? Jdhdjd I doubt anyone that's gonna see this has both of these things as an interest anyway. Well maybe, who knows.

Anyway, one thing it all leads up to is me making some fanart and I'm thinking of drawing the Kingdom members and mix up their outfits with their "corresponding" King Ohger character. I'll think about later if I do a group pics, or do multiple for each character and whatnot. Maybe I'll even assign them differently just based on outfits alone, since a lot of them fit outfit/kingdom theme-wise but not really character-wise?

But now it's brainstorming and planning time!!

Arthur - Racules

(I'm not writing this name Rkules or whatever weird spelling they gave him-)

Arthur is not the leader, but the first one to be revealed as a king. The power of Excalibur is both what helps him and what leads to his downfall in a way, kind of like Racules' power lust is what makes everyone turn against him and makes his "downfall" for now happen. Idk man. Does that make sense? They're not TOO similar but similar enough? Plus, Arthur definetly feels like he's got the most smug Racules vibes in the music videos. Ivan is a close second, but for him it's way more of a Gira vibe.

Excalibur

"Destiny is in my hands

This fantasy will unfold

The master key will blow away

All the madness spiraled in chaos"

"Hold onto your wounds

Cut by pieces of glass deep inside

Your heart like sharp thorns

To the end of the world, I'm killin'

Bear the weight of the crown"

"History begins with us

The world must work properly

The colour becomes clearer, reject any fear

Kneel and pray in front of the closed castle gates"

Ivan - Gira

Ivan might rule over the Kingdom of Snow BUT he is really not like Rita at all. The kingdom fits well, but other than that... I don't know... But here too, Racules could be kind of fitting, but it's just different, y'know? It's more like a Gira VS Racules internal fight for Ivan if that makes sense?

He has to decide how to defend his kingdom and for that he uses the power of evil. Y'know. Like the... the evil king Gira? Also their facial expressions when they want to look "evil" are very similar and not very convincing because they just have babyfaces 😭

Black Crown

"With a bit of cruel

But beautiful dangerous power

Getting something

Means losing something

A paradox which I swallowed enchantedly"

"Accept it, just the way you are

Wake it

Don't forget who we are

Engrave it

Raise the holy grail above your head

Put on the black crown

Endure the pain of astonishing power

There's no limit"

"Rather than losing the world

I would become a monster

I choose suffering

Over the loneliness which overwhelms

The evil power of necessity given to me"

Louis - Jeramie

NOW, when King Ohger barely was out, I already had the idea of making this "crossover", especially because King Ohger started airing in the same month a new Kingdom album came out which was insane for me who's obsessed with Kingdom's universe and Toku so it was a win for me for sure.

But also, when King Ohger started, Jeramie technically didn't "exist" yet and I'd given Himeno the position here because of the whole Kingdom of Aesthetic deal. And the outfits, they are basically the exact same.

HOWEVER. Louis is insanely fitting for Jeramie, because both of them feel like outsiders and having lived through many more years than any human ever would.

Also, Louis is one I noticed the most often being bount/restrained in some kind of way. I've made some connections how it's often in an almost connection with Chiwoo and Mujin, but I mean that doesn't really have anything to do with the topic rn,,

But yeah,,

Long Live The King

"Time goes off

A lot of things were destroyed then go

But I always existed

I protected my kingdom"

"A child stuck in a time of loneliness

When will this chaos end

I'm on the eye of the storm"

"Lights out bright light, I'm alone under the lights

Dancing in my own

Shining upon me, the spotlight

I can feel it even with my eyes closed"

"Before that sun rises again

The moment I waited with bated breath

Even if everything changes, I shall stand here"

"Running out of time, nothing can stop me

With my own two hands, I'll write again the destiny

Long live the king

Long live the king, I'm a light that will never go out"

"Winding up the spring of endless memory

Unfamiliar masks are dancing in the hall

The moment the good and evil collide

The second hand stops as if it's laughing at me again

Even with the darkness cast inside me

What brightens is the small flame

To this soul that went against the world, what isn't granted is the finale"

Dann - Rita

I was debating on wether to give him Racules or Rita. I know, Racules again, but they are all very serious and strict in a way and the main characters are all way more silly? So yeah.

But after thinking a bit about it, I think Rita is quite fitting. Dann is quite... stoic? Serious? In the music videos, and often seems to be some kind of advisor to other's.Plus, he's got more of that cold vibe that Rita has? Also in general, his music video is just very fitting, the vibe is really perfect.

Ascension

"I'll leave behind the tears in agony

I'll just pass by

Willow leaves shaking precariously

As soon as the wind strikes

All the arrows with resentment are pointing at me"

"One beautiful day

The flower blooms splendidly

One sad night

The deep shadow troubled my heart"

"A glance in between the narrow bars

I see all the enemies coming

They are puring down at once, keep your ground"

"All the evil souls

Burn it all

I'll turn everything back to its original state"

"Spread the wings. Strike hard

Those who rebelled, you will drown in blood

I'll protect you, I miss you

Enchanting ascension over the horizon"

"Knife of condemnation

Don't forget my royal command"

Mujin - Himeno

Another one I really had to debate. In a way I think aesthetic-wise Kaguragi is the most fitting, Mujins theme being traditional Japanese and all, and Himeno would technically fit better in the Kingdom of Aesthetic, but just character-wise I feel like Himeno fits. Also, "Kingdom of Cherry Blossoms" does sound really fitting for Himeno too. And the whole self sacrifice, or rather doing everything for the wellbeing of your own kingdom-theme is also very in character. Also, not like Mujin as the lore character, but Mujin himself loves to be a bit silly just like Himeno :D

And also Dystopia overall is kind of similar to certain events that happened in the show I guess?? So like??

Dystopia

"Rewing the strings of fate and bloom with all your might

All delight swiftly crushed by the rise of rampant evil"

"The flower that blooms in deep darkness

The overwhelming sword of salvation

Sinking into the abyss

Like a dystopia"

"On the night when hatred opened its eyes

The darkness swallows the light

The power of the cherry blossoms suddenly dissapear

The song of monsters

Extinguish the embers of chaos

Just you watch I will definetly shatter it all"

"The flower petals are blooming again

The light of my soul is getting darker

Even if I cross the bounds and dissapear it does not matter"

Hwon - Yanma

This one's hard to properly explain so just believe me when I said it appeared to me in a dream or whatever. IDK at the same time they are quite different but the vibes are just kinda fitting, y'know? And Yanma is quite uh... stormy I guess I don't know man this is hard to justify with words,,

Overall, Hwon is the hardest to fit in because we know the least about him, since he's still quite new and hasn't gotten an album yet... but I mean I might come back to this all later and update it when both Jahan and Hwon have an album!!

Jahan - Kaguragi

So, Kaguragi was really hard to decide if he's more fitting for Mujin or Jahan. Guess in a way Kingdom of Sun is fitting, bees and harvest and all I guess. Anyway, I did a lot of Kingdom analysing and looking in detail through the music videos and lore and Jahan often seems a bit confusing, in a way it's never too obvious which side he's on? He can seem more mischievous, even when he's acting serious. If that makes sense.

And gah sadly no Jahan album yet either. BUT SOON. Hopefully. I mean his specific Kingdom logo was revealed so I guess it's in the works?? 😭

[drowninginredink]

Hey any other aros currently in a "ah shit the allos will never be able to comprehend me and i cannot comprehend them" mood? Song suggestion!

"All Your Friends" by Jake Bardin. It's definitely not written as an aro song—it's addressed to a romantic interest who rejected him—but so many of the lines work so well in the context of the aro-allo divide.

But you and all your friends have got a reason for acting like you do

I can't hold it against you, cause you're something that I'm not

You're something that I'll never be, oh you're so far ahead of me

Look at you, good for you, i wish i hadn't come all this way for you

I think these ones are pretty obvious; alloromantics quite literally are something that we're not. That hurts when you realize they're going to act in certain ways that leave us out.

My head's down and walking through all these people talking about the things I'll never understand, I'll never want to

And

And I don't get this reassuring feeling that people tell me about, it must be me

I have no idea what Jake Bardin actually was saying he doesn't understand, but for this reading, obviously it's romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is what he doesn't understand; romantic attraction is that feeling he doesn't get.

And then even some of the more romantic lyrics fit really well in the lens of "oh. You wanted to date me. I just wanted to be your friend."

Could not have put that any worse

You were one and I promised that I'd make two

Ah shit, I accidentally made you think I was interested in a romantic relationship with you.

We're all the same; you're right, you're so smart

They think that aro people don't exist, that everyone on earth just feels the same about romance.

And you feel around, looking for somebody kinda new

Well I'll tell you right now, I'm not too keen on this bush that you're beating round

So just leave me alone

I don't want to be your next romantic conquest. If that's all you want from me, I don't want you.

I know it's 2023, and we do have explicit aro songs and rep, but I tend to avoid that stuff. Not just for being aro, for any group I'm a part of. I'm not the typical schizophrenic or enby or aro or whatever else I am, and so when I'm confronted with explicit representation, all I see are all the ways I don't relate. The result is me feeling lonelier and less understood. So I'd rather project onto other songs that are still close enough to feel right. And this is such a good one that I felt like I should share.

[ffs-abalisk]

New-but-not-really-that-new writing pet peeve that I've been thinking about lately:

Grossly misrepresenting a character just because you don't like them.

Like, I get that you don't like them for (arbitrary reason) but it really takes me out of the narrative when so much of the changes are made to the core character that they become unrecognizable. It just makes no sense to me as a writer why people would do this, and it's definitely a surefire way to make me click off a fic...

A few examples:

1) A parent who's only mildly oblivious with a penchant for slapstick comedy, turning into an actively abusive parent who's malicious and neglectful.

2) A teen who's a bit of a whiny snot (whose core character development is decidedly overcoming that phase btw) into becoming a cruel bully who manipulates their surroundings and all their story development is totally ignored.

3) An authority figure who is widely known for being very wise and educated, but is reduced down to a selfish, ignorant grown child that doesn't know better because the author was mad they made one decision they didn't agree with one time.

4) A core part of a friend group that is known for their comradery and kindness and peaceful resolve, who's boiled down into just being jealous and self-centered for reasons that don't make sense and are ostracized forever instead of resolving peacefully.

All of these are, simply put, the author hardcore projecting their personal unresolved feelings/experiences onto characters that... Frankly, have no business being there. It'd make more sense to incorporate this onto villains or characters with so little character development that we barely even know their name, as opposed to anyone a part of the main cast or side characters with a modicum of depth.

It is, in my opinion, an insult to the character and can ultimately skew a person's perception of reality. Their projection onto the wrong demographic is harming their means of identifying the root of their problems and ultimately overcoming them.

Sound familiar? Yeah, scapegoating is pretty rampant right now, as unrest stirs in public spaces and people purposely seek out cultivated rage and discourse. People invent things to be mad about and I honestly am sick of seeing it. This, I feel, is simply an extension of that and is only a fraction of the reason why I dislike it. This cowardly manner of not addressing the real problems and instead inventing problems on a target that seems easier by comparison is stupid and self-harming.

If you want to project onto something to work through your issues, at least do it right on the characters that deserve it. Self-identifying what makes you feel wronged, accepting, and coming to terms with it/confronting it is a form of growth. But you can't do that if you're targeting the wrong people.

And yes, these characters aren't real, but if you practice this here, how's that going to translate in real life? Who are you going to misinterpret or misrepresent by your own practice? Are you actually aware of why you feel such animosity or are you just lashing out at anything that you think fits the mold?

Food for thought...

[fangirlandtheories]

"A quiet house, a quiet car ride, a quiet phone, and a very loud mind were things that Steve realized he had that night. He wanted to be mad at Robin but couldn’t find the energy. Her words swam through his head. Nancy had Jonathan, Robin had her band friends, even Eddie and the kids had better social lives than he did. As he laid in bed that night he realized how lonely he was. Loneliness wasn’t something foreign by any means, but he didn’t usually feel so excluded from the Party. He and Robin obviously loved to bicker, but the last fight he could remember was on a particularly dreadful Valentine’s Day about who had to restock the Rom Com section that had ended in a mini food fight, not Steve walking out. He sometimes forgot what it was like to have friends that were his age, not that Eddie wasn’t but he was still in high school so his friend group was different. He couldn’t help the intrusive thoughts from entering, whispering tales of burdening people with his existence, annoying them with his presence, making them feel too awkward to mention how he obviously didn’t belong." for the DVD commentary!

Ok so tea. I am an anxious anxious person and when I was in high school, I found out that a lot of my friends didn't actually like me and were purposefully excluding me to talk shit on me and laugh. There's something that cuts so deep about knowing you're being laughed at, something so incredibly humiliating, that it changes you. I now, at 23, have to keep myself in check a lot when I'm talking to people because constantly I have these intrusive thoughts of 'I'm annoying them' 'They're not actually my friend they're making fun of me' and that's on me, not on the people I'm projecting those thoughts onto.

That was an emotion I wanted to work into Steve because I have never been popular and as difficult as losing my friends was, I didn't really have that many to begin with, so I was kinda better off by myself. Imagining the flip side, going from having it all to having nothing, that would be harder. Being used to being surrounded by these people who don't even really like you and hating it was better than being alone. Now imagine being alone but suddenly you've found this group of people, these people who love you and you belong with, now imagine thinking they hate you and are just trying to spare your feelings. You would become your own worst enemy and that was what I was trying to carve out of Steve.

I imagine that working at a vhs shop on valentine's day probably sucked, but there was lots of candy. I had this mental image in my head of two immature teenagers trying to cheat at rock paper scissors until they delved in fits of giggles, throwing chalky sweetheart candies at each other as a form of warfare. That is the innocent friendship I see in Robin and Steve. She's his childish side, he's her reasonable side. They make each other stronger. They rely on each other. Take one away and the other crumbles. Have one walk away and the other wonders what they've done wrong, case in point: Steve's panic about Robin making plans on their night.

Something I love doing is writing Steve's surroundings s a reflection of his mental state. His home is empty, so is he.

Thank you for giving me one of these!!!! I love talking about this stuff, it excites me to no end!!!!