#always measuring himself by his service to those he loves

[enjakey]

Please Stop, Don’t Stop

Pairing: mob!Jake x mob!fem!reader

TWN | 9k- brother’s best friend | best friend’s sister | posted this in my old account a really long time ago which is now deleted | this was literally my first ever enhypen fic and I still love it | I love the mob trope maybe I should write some more of it | so much fun, so much yearning, sibling hate and sibling love | Jay truly is a good brother no matter how shitty he is | Jake is fine shyt and he proves it to you by sneaking around with you

Summary: living in Jay’s shadow as his younger sister was always the life you had known. Considering that he was the heir to family business, the now leader of a mafia, Jay took all kinds of protective measures to keep you safe. Which meant that you were always by his side- just, a room away from his in hotels with your own body guards. You loathed your brother, you did. He stripped you away of a life. But then he loosened up when his right hand man and best friend, Jake, pulled some strings and somehow had you swooning for him.

For the longest time, all Y/N knew was to hide under the shadows of her brother. Wherever he went, she had no choice but to follow. She’d been to exotic countries but stayed locked in hotel rooms while her brother tended to business. Never did she get the chance to enjoy travelling, never did she find herself smiling while she stared out of a balcony, and never did she feel sociable.

Granted, she had bodyguards with her, Sunoo and Jungwon, suffocatingly accompanying her wherever she went. They were at her feet, tracking everything from a lift of her finger to a dart of her eyes to report back to their boss by the end of the day. For all she knew, she thought they were insufferable.

They were all insufferable, blindly following her brother’s orders in the hopes of getting a minuscule ounce of validation. She wondered how her brother managed to get them wrapped around his fingers, having them- all six of them- live for him and his needs and his desires.

Because at the end of the day, Jay Park was in charge, the strongest of them all, the one that could wipe off their existence with a snap of his fingers. Y/N never believed her brother could possibly hold that much power. Maybe power was just a figure of speech, maybe it was just fear that drove everyone to fall at his feet. Maybe it was because they had all signed their souls to him- a devil’s contract.

Her brother, the same boy that fed her popcorn when they were kids, couldn’t possibly be the cruel man he now showed himself to be.

Her brother, who once thought of her as the apple of his eye, only coldly glanced at her when she cried or complained. With a glass of whiskey in one hand, the other tracing his jawline, he’d tut at her. “Don’t be pathetic,” he’d sneer. “What would mum and dad say if they saw you like this?”

Y/N would ask herself the same question. If her mum and dad saw her locked away in random hotel rooms with two men watching her like hawks, they would be disappointed. If her mum and dad saw her cry to her brother about her loneliness, their hearts would ache.

Well, those were the answers concocted from fantasy.

In reality, her mum and dad would tell Jay to do whatever he could in his power to keep her safe. Her mum and dad would allow her to live the rest of her life miserably, as long as it meant she was still alive, breathing. Her mum and dad would applaud Jay for making the decisions he made.

She hated it, Y/N hated him with every fibre of her being- in the beginning, at least. It got exhausting, after a point. To hate her brother was to hate someone he was forced to become. To hate her brother was to hate the industry she saw herself taking over someday. To hate her brother was to mar the good memories she had with him.

Y/N accepted it just around the time she turned eighteen. She accepted spending half her life around expensive hotels and services. She accepted being an unknown sibling when she attended gatherings with her brother on one of those rare days. She accepted being helpless.

She was pathetic. Or maybe she wasn’t, her life was. She had overheard Heeseung and Niki talk pithily of her to Jay. She had watched Sunghoon give her half-hearted glances as he walked past her. She would let Sunoo and Jungwon- who were ordered to not converse with her- ignore her mundane requests. She would endure the helpless shrugs Jake passed her-

Jake. How she envied him sometimes. How she envied the way Jay treated him, his right-hand man, more like a sibling than he treated her. Y/N didn’t know what it was about Jake that her brother admired so much. What was it that he could do that she couldn’t? What was it that Jake had to offer that she couldn’t?

He was so loyal to him, Y/N noticed. Jake Sim would do anything to protect Jay Park. To be fair, she did hear them argue quite a lot. She wasn’t sure about what, but every time they argued, Jay would become a little angrier, a little more controlling and a little more on edge.

In the world she lived in, loyalty was the only thing keeping them alive. Keeping her alive. Y/N stayed loyal to Jay by not running away. The boys he strung alone stayed loyal to him by obeying him, not selling him out.

In the world she lived in, looking over her shoulder was her priority. Physically and metaphorically, of course. Everything had safety precautions, from the keychains on her purse to her beloved phone- the same phone that Jay controlled with through regulations.

He baned her from using social media. All she did with it was watch movies, listen to music or play games. Nevertheless, it was better than having nothing at all. It was better than enduring an eternity of boredom.

Because, Y/N was currently tucked away in boredom, locked in a room with her two trusted bodyguards. They were somewhere in Italy- her balcony gave her a splendid view of the city and with the moon shining in the corner of her sight, her room sparkled with silver.

While she shamelessly hummed a tune and looked out the balcony, Sunoo and Jungwon sat in the room on separate chairs. The pair stared at their phone, thumbs typing away yet somehow, half their attention was on Y/N.

Their one order was to take care of her, and she was sure they vowed to do a damn well job at it.

“Y/N,” she heard Jungwon step into the balcony, his phone fisted into his hand as he waited for a response. She simply hummed at him, telling him to continue. “Your brother wants to speak with you.”

A groan drawled from her throat, head tilting over her shoulder as she glanced at him. Jungwon, though he wasn’t innocent, he certainly did look like it. With his beady eyes and puffy cheeks- Jay must have gone to hell and back to have him and Sunoo on his side. Both of them didn’t look like they belonged. Perhaps that was their advantage.

“What does he want?” Her eyes tiredly narrowed as she spoke but ultimately received no answer.

She rolled her eyes, following Jungwon back into the room. She was being guided out by him and Sunoo, strolling behind her as she strutted out the door and down the hall until the door to her brother’s hotel room came to view.

Swinging the door open, she was immediately met with the sight of two tramps- one entertaining her brother while the other danced in the middle of the room.

Niki sat on one couch, holding up a phone to record the tramps while Heeseung sat beside him. Jake and Sunghoon sat on another, smirks of amusement plastered on their faces as they watched. Y/N scoffed when Jungwon left her side to sit with Jay and Sunoo left to sit beside Niki.

“Dismiss your prostitutes before asking for your sister next time,” she crossed her arms, heels clicking as she came closer to her brother.

With a tut and a snap of his fingers, the two girls disappeared into the bathroom. Niki groaned out a complaint, something about being bored, and tucked his phone away. He was the youngest, yet he was the strongest out of them all. Y/N had heard rumours about his talents in wielding knives.

Heeseung, who sat beside him, was the oldest and smartest. The one in charge of planning and executing- or so she heard. He had his arm wrapped around Niki’s shoulders, a stoic scowl taking over his face as he looked at Y/N.

“I know you hate me but try being nice to me when my friends are around,” Jay smirked, standing to meet his sister’s gaze.

“It’s exhausting to feel anything towards you, brother,” as Y/N rolled her eyes, Niki involuntarily snickered.

Jay flashed the boy a glare and he quickly covered his mouth. “As I said,” he looked back at his sister. “Play nice.”

Y/N hid her disbelief by sucking in a breath, digging her nails into her arms. “Why’d you want to see me?”

“Mum called,” he said so casually, it made her raise a brow.

“What am I to do with that piece of information?”

“Again with the attitude,” he warned, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “She wants us to attend a gathering tomorrow,” he informed.

“Tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yes, tomorrow,” he echoed. “And not to worry, mum already has a dress sent for you,” he offered her a teasing smile which earned him another roll of her eyes.

“Are you bringing all six of your playthings or is it just gonna be the two of us?” She waved her hand, pointing towards the rest of the boys, eyes still trained on her brother.

“Have some manners,” Jay scowled. “They haven’t done anything to you.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’re all loyal to you, aren’t they?” Y/N cocked her head. “I don’t feel like giving you lot manners,” she seethed.

“I’m not gonna repeat myself,” Jay seethed back, snapping his fingers at her face.

Y/N flinched. She shamelessly flinched, eyes blinking and body leaning back. But then she shook away the shock on her face, standing straight and offering him the same stoic expression she gave her when she was angry.

“Just answer my question.”

Jay rolled his eyes this time, hand retreating to his side. “It’s only going to be me, you and Jake,” he promised.

“Awe, am I not gonna have my lovely bodyguards there?” She pouted, clearly showing off her sarcasm.

“Jake is more than capable of taking care of you for one night,” Jay smiled teasingly, looking over her shoulder to steal a glance from his right-hand man. “The rest of them have business to attend to.”

“Of course,” she smiled right back at him, narrowing her eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes, that is all,” Jay nodded. “I expect you to be ready by tomorrow evening.”

“The dress better look pretty, then.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It is,” Jay cooed. “Mum even got it in pink.”

Her scoff went unnoticed by everyone when they fell into a stupor of laughter. Y/N was used to it, to be openly made fun of. Maybe she didn’t care, either. Regardless, if something happened to Jay one day, it would be her they listened to. She knew how she could get her way.

“Sunoo and Jungwon can stay here for the night. Have some fun,” Jay announced.

“Yay, I get to spend the night alone,” she leaned her weight on one leg. “Generous of you,” she crooned.

“I know,” Jay crooned back, eyes trailing towards his right-hand man. “Be a gentleman, Jake, and bring my sister back to her room, will you?”

Jake stood up, rubbing his palms against his jeans and giving Jay an assuring nod. Y/N didn’t bother to meet Jake’s eyes or bid her brother a good night. She trailed towards the door, leaving as she felt Jake’s hand hovering over her back.

The halls were empty, ground matted with blue carpets, walls plastered with ivory wallpaper, all the glory made visible by dimly lit golden lights. Yet her senses drowned in the sounds of their feet padding against the carpet, his hand guiding her by her back.

Jay must have trusted him the most. If it were anyone else, he probably would have chopped their fingers off for even dreaming of touching her- his sister. For someone that acted like she deserved no happiness, he sure was overprotective.

“Jay only wants to keep you safe.”

Jake’s voice rang loud and clear, his accent giving away his nerves. Y/N scoffed again, rolling her head to the side to get a better look at his perfectly styled hair and sculptured nose.

“I thought none of you were allowed to talk to me?”

Then came silence, just as she expected. And Jake had let her into her hotel room, locking the door as he left, leaving her in silence. Lonely silence and she liked that she was alone. For once she wouldn’t have two bodyguards shielding her to sleep.

The next morning, she was happy to realise that Jay was wrong. The dress her mum sent was, in fact, black. The satin wrapped around her frame effortlessly and Y/N admired herself in the mirror, her hands brushing over her collarbones and neck that hung a thin chain. Her fingers adorned with rings, ones that Jay bought for her.

She was brave enough to wear stilettos, and her feet tapped against each other while she sat in the back of her car, staring out the window. Jake drove, Jay sat in the passenger’s seat. The rearview mirror angled directly at Y/N, giving Jay a clean picture of his sister.

“When’d you get your nails done?”

Y/N admired her nails, shiny black liquor matching her dress. “I did them myself,” she spoke with a smile.

Jay hummed, amused by the way his sister entertained herself. He didn’t say anything else, just tapped his phone against his cheek and looked out the window. Jake found himself glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

Soon Y/N found herself standing in front of another hotel. The party hall, she presumed, where the gathering would be held. That would be the third time she was attending a party that year, to be able to witness human interaction.

Jay made sure to keep his hand wrapped around her forearm, subtly dragging her around as Jake followed them into a room lit by chandeliers and organised with circular tables- covered by white cloth, of course.

“Alright, listen,” Jay held her at an arm’s length, eyes sternly begging her to listen to his requests. “I need you to stay in one place. Where I can keep an easy eye on you,” he blinked.

“Am I not allowed to have fun?” Y/N crooked a brow, a smile creeping up her cheeks. “Dance with the rest of the guests, maybe?”

“Jake will be with you at all times. I’m sure he can give you all the entertainment you need for the night,” he clenched his jaw. Jake let out a hum, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Then why do you need to keep an eye on me?”

“Because I’m paranoid, Y/N,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Just tell me where you’ll be sitting. At least I’m letting you pick.”

“Yeah, because that’s being charitable,” despite her annoyance, she looked around the room, eyes landing on the open bar with tall stools. She pointed in its direction. “There. You’ll be able to see me from any corner and I’ll at least be able to drink.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “Just don’t get drunk. I expect to see you be able to walk by the end of the night.”

Then he exchanged a promising nod with Jake, leaving the pair alone while he went away to act like a polite guest. Jake, after a moment of silence, offered Y/N his arm and she hesitantly looped in hers. He guided her to the bar and helped her sit on the stool.

She fixed her dress, one leg crossed on the other as she ordered champagne. “What would you like to have?” She turned to Jake, her earrings shining under the light.

“I can order for myself,” he said, weaving his fingers together as he sat beside her.

“Too proud to let a girl speak for you, huh?” Y/N chuckled, wrapping her fingers around the drink that was being handed to her.

“Funny,” Jake passed her an annoyed glance. He called for the bartender with a wave of two fingers, asking for a whiskey that was handed to him within seconds.

“Strong men only enjoy strong drinks, I guess,” she mumbled, smirking as she brought the rim of her glass to her lips.

Jake scoffed. “You’re full of opinions, aren’t you?” He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know how to be nice to people?”

“What?” Y/N scoffed right back at him. “I’ve been stripped away of living my life and now I can’t have emotions and opinions?”

Jake looked away, clenching his jaw and gripping his glass of whiskey. He wore his own set of rings, ones that strained against his skin and clanked against his glass.

“And please enlighten me as to why I have to be nice,” she continued. “Have any of you been nice to me? Hence, do I owe any of you my kindness?”

“Fair enough,” Jake let the words push past his teeth.

“That’s what I thought,” her lips frowned into a scowl as she sipped her champagne again. Upon looking at his defeated face, though, she recoiled. “But since my brother’s forcing you to keep me company tonight, perhaps I should play nice.”

Jake chuckled, involuntarily letting himself enjoy Y/N’s humour. “Here I thought you didn’t owe me your kindness,” he cocked his head, hiding his smile with his glass of whiskey.

“Don’t make me regret it,” she tipped her glass towards him.

Jake hummed, nodding as he mustered up the courage to look at Y/N- his boss’ sister, the same girl he wasn’t allowed to cross paths with until the previous night. He smiled at her, pondering if striking up a conversation was a good idea.

If he was allowed to, he might as well let himself use his freedom to his advantage. Y/N was doing it, too, after all.

“Your life’s always been this way, huh?” He asked, shamelessly showing his curiosity.

“What way?” She wondered, pushing her newly emptied glass away. Her fingers curled under his chin, propping her elbows on the counter.

“This,” he pointed his finger at her, looking her up and down. “Controlled by your brother, denied of freedom,” he listed.

Y/N pondered over his question while asking for a refill of champagne. She swirled her glass around, watching the bubbles fizz away. She cleared her throat, nostalgia filling her conscience.

“I used to be a wild girl while I was still in high school,” she chuckled. “You know, typical high school parties, cheap beer and making mistakes?”

Jake nodded. “Then what drove Jay to treat you like this?” He cringed. “He pulled you out of school, didn’t he?”

“You know, I thought he would have told you of all people the reason for his actions,” she chuckled but continued explaining. “Yes, he pulled me out of school. He forced me to live in secrecy and whatnot,” she shrugged.

“We’re all just as clueless are you are,” he shrugged back. “All we know is that you and your brother have an… Unconventional relationship.”

“Unconventional doesn’t even begin to explain it,” she sipped her champagne. “He was forced into all of this, you know? The Mob, the violent mentality. With that came paranoia and the constant need to keep up his guard.”

“You seem quite sympathetic towards him,” he noticed.

“Maybe I am,” she agreed. “But whatever he’s been through doesn’t excuse how he treats me,” she insisted, pressing her finger to her chest.

“Right,” Jake pursed his lips.

“His overprotective act just made me despise him a little. He ruined my life, after all,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Of course,” he let out a scoff, a slight grin taking over his features as he finished off his whiskey.

Y/N tilted her head, attempting to get a better glance at Jake. “What’s so funny?” She asked, the same grin spreading on her lips.

The more she examined him, the more she realised how little she knew of him. Of any of them, for that matter. They lived under the same roof, travelled everywhere but the only information she gathered of them was by overhearing conversations. To be fair, her brother did ban them from interacting with her, regardless of how much he trusted them.

She came to realise that this was probably the closest she had to a conversation in a long time.

Jake, on the other hand, shook away the glee on his face when he looked over Y/N’s shoulder, only to find Jay approaching them. He looked away, clenching his jaw and weaving his fingers together. Y/N’s brows knitted together, confusion slapping her harder than a wave.

When Jay finally made himself known, her expression contorted into realisation. Brow raising, she watched him smile at her and Jake. “I see you’ve been enjoying yourselves so far,” he said. “I hate to interrupt but I have a certain someone that was begging to meet you.”

Beside him stood a woman that Y/N found much too familiar. Her auburn hair flowed past her shoulders, almond eyes shining with a smile as she looked at her.

“Pearl?” Y/N’s eyes widened, excited as she started the woman up and down. She used to babysit her and her brother when she was still children, oblivious to the bad in the world.

Pearl was a reminder of her past, a sliver of naivety.

“Yeah, It’s me,” the woman fondly opened her arms and Y/N found herself leaping at the hug.

“My God, it’s been years,” Y/N gasped, holding her at an arm’s length.

“I know, a lot has changed,” Pearl enthused. “You look great, Y/N.”

“You too,” she agreed. “How have you been?”

“Good. Great,” Pearl nodded. “I’ve got two kids, a great husband,” she smiled at her, then craned her neck to smile at Jay.

Jake watched the scene unravel from behind with a refill of whiskey held between his fingers. He saw the way Jay licked his top teeth as Pearl smiled feverishly at him and that Y/N wasn’t oblivious to the looks they shared. Unloyal she was, it was obvious.

Jay was quick to cut the reunion, standing between his sister and their once babysitter. “Nostalgia is a joy, isn’t it?” He grinned. “Now, Pearl. I’ll have a few words with my sister and then come find you. Go on now.”

Pearl nodded, waving Y/N goodbye. “I’ll be waiting,” she said to Jay and breezed past them.

Y/N gaped at her brother, wide-eyed as she realised what she just witnessed. Jay raised a brow. “What?” He asked, holding his hands by his side.

“She’s married,” she reminded him. “She has two kids. And you want to sleep with her?”

“Since when did you have a say in my actions?” Jay jeered, completely careless towards her point. Y/N rolled her eyes, Jake scoffed and shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” she cursed. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I know,” her brother smirked, then strolled past her, leaving her alone with Jake again.

Y/N scoffed at him, returning to her stool while shaking her head out of disbelief. She didn’t say anything, just thought to herself that this was probably the most eventful night she’s had since her eighteenth birthday.

“He disappoints you, doesn’t he?” Jake swirled around his whiskey, training his eyes on the way her mouth gaped.

“He has no self-respect, does he?” Y/N ran her fingers through her scalp, meddling with her hair as she hollered for more drinks- this time, wine.

“No, I guess not,” he mumbled, too entranced by the anger that seemed to suit her so well. The way her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, mouth parted and chest rising a little more than usual- Jake looked away.

For the rest of the night, he stripped her and himself of any interaction between them. The pair enjoyed their drinks, lost in their phones. A part of Jake hoped that she’d ask him for a dance or whine about how bored she was.

Maybe she was too proud to ask for anything else, maybe she was just angry towards her intolerable brother.

It was proven to be the latter when Jay came striding back, hair tousled and shirt wrinkled from his controversial expedition. “You’re insufferable,” she said to him

“Don’t ruin my mood,” he dismissed her, and it was back to being ignored by her brother.

She was taken back to the hotel, her diner waiting in her room along with Sunoo and Jungwon. She quietly changed her clothes, freshened up before eating and replayed the events of the night over and over again.

She thought about Pearl and Jay and Jake- Oh, especially Jake and the conversation she had with him. She found herself craving more conversations, desperate for an escape. But, wishing for leisure was like wishing for a unicorn.

She got over it by tomorrow, accepting her loneliness once again while she ate pancakes in bed while her brother and his friends were enjoying breakfast together. She swore she could hear laughter echoing from the banquet hall, overpowering the melodies she had playing on her phone.

A knock on her door, however, was not what she expected. She didn’t have to get out of bed and open the door, though that was the whole point of knocking. It opened on its own and Jake’s head peaked through the crack, his hand gripping the doorknob.

Y/N immediately sat straight, duvet pooling at her waist as she turned off her music and put away her pancakes. A breath left her lips as he entered her room, followed by her brother and Sunghoon.

“What a surprise,” she mumbled, fisting the duvet as the three boys stood around her bed, one on each side.

“Good morning,” her brother offered her a curt smile and she nodded at him.

“Am I in trouble?” She almost laughed. “Or do you need something?”

“I just need to talk to you,” Jay rolled his eyes. “Andrei has been asking to see you for a while.”

“And who’s Andrei?”

Jay smiled viciously, realising that his sister was curious, giving him the attention he expected. “He’s a work buddy of mine, it’s not important.”

“Seems like it is,” she furrowed her brows. “He wants to see me, after all,” she argued.

“Just listen, will you?” He scoffed. “I’m attending a meeting of his and he wants you there.”

“Then why are these two here?”

“They will be taking care of you. I’d much rather have these two look after you while the rest of the boys attend the meeting with me.”

Jake pursed his lips, nodding as he listened. Sunghoon passed Y/N a stoic glance from the corner of his eyes. She gulped, covering up her second guesses with a furrow of her brows.

“So, what? I’m just gonna sit outside while you have all the fun?” She chuckled half-heartedly, a hesitant smile gracing her face.

“I don’t call this fun, Y/N” Jay seethed. “You’ve been popular around my colleagues and I’d rather not know the reason. The least you can do is not ask questions and follow simple orders.”

“I am not one of your playthings to follow orders, Jay,” she seethed back. “It’s early in the morning, I don’t need you snapping at me.”

Jay, with a smile that screamed anything but good, crouched beside her bed, face inching towards hers. “I can say the same,” he chuckled, two puffs of air escaping his lungs.

Y/N glared at him, jaw clenching as she let go of her duvet and crossed her arms. “You’re insatiable,” she growled.

“I know,” Jay smirked. “Now get out of bed, get ready and change into something presentable,” he stood to his feet, stomping towards her suitcases and flinging them open. Y/N followed him, jumping out of her bed and yelping.

“I’m obviously not going to show up in my pyjamas!” She yelled. “Now, stop going through my stuff and get out!”

She swore she heard Jake and Sunghoon stifle their laughter as Y/N pushed her brother towards her door. Their hands covered their mouths, unsubtly looking away.

“Out!” She continued yelling. “The lot of you!”

“I’m only messing with you,” her brother grinned at her as he stepped out the door, ushering the two other boys with his hand.

“You show brotherly affection at the worse times,” she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Jake and Sunghoon strolling past her and out the door.

Jay shook his head, crooning. “Be ready before I get annoyed.”

Y/N slammed the door in his face.

Sighing, she brushed her hands down her face as silence consumed her once again. She strolled around her room, taking ten minutes to waste before ultimately disappearing into the bathroom.

It was rather dramatic of her to saunter out of her door in a little red dress, hands shifting her hair to one side of her shoulder. The carpet muffled the click of her heels and at the end of the hall stood Jake like a knight in tailored clothes.

His presence took her by surprise and her lips parted as she approached him. “Jay told me to get you,” he said and she curtly nodded.

Jake walked her downstairs, an awkward silence following their path as Y/N looked ahead; he fought to steal glances of her. Then they entered the elevator, metal doors sliding behind them.

He cleared his throat, licking his lips. “Had a good breakfast?”

“Of course,” she answered nonchalantly, eyes trained forward. It was a lie, obviously, but neither of them felt the need to acknowledge it.

She was piled into a car with him, Jay and Sunghoon. She didn’t say a word, didn’t seem like she wanted to either. Her earphones stuck to her ear, feet bobbing up and down to an unknown beat.

Jake, despite fighting his urges, had his eyes trained on her arms, legs, exposed neck and collarbones- any exposed skin he could get his gaze on, gaping from the corner of his eyes. He’d surely get in trouble if Jay caught his subtle glances.

An exhausted sigh left her lips when they reached her destination, her shoulders slumping as she stood in front of a rather tall building. “Come on, now,” Jay had clasped his hand around her arm and dragged her inside- Jake and Sunghoon followed.

“I can walk on my own,” she complained, a breathy whine escaping her throat as they entered a meeting room. Empty, it was- a long table surrounded by cushioned chairs for privileged backs to lean on.

“I know, I just don’t want my baby sister to get lost in this mess,” he taunted. “So, listen carefully and just follow the rules, yeah?”

“You make this sound like mission impossible,” she groaned. “Why are you making this such a big deal? I’m just meeting one of your colleagues,” she argued, tilting her head to the side.

“You’re meeting a colleague that’s killed people for fun,” he glared. “As surprising as it may seem, I’d like to keep you alive.”

“You’ve killed people too. What’s the difference?” She almost chuckled, disbelief taking over her features.

Jay had the same reaction. “The difference is that I’m your brother,” he reminded. “Now, can you just listen?”

“Fine. I’m listening.”

“Good,” he started. “When Andrei comes in, he’s gonna want to see you. obviously. All you have to do is behave, smile like the little princess you are and minimally answer all his questions. Simple enough, right?” He shrugged his shoulders, a sarcastic smile appearing on his face.

“Right,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Exactly,” he enthused. “When he’s done talking to you, Jake will take you away and you’ll wait in the bar, right across from this room,” he pointed his arm out the door, towards the area he was referring to. “Sunghoon will join you later.”

“Great plan, brother,” it was clearly a sardonic compliment. “Keeping me alive and all… You deserve an award.”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes, Y/N,” he sighed and she furrowed her brows, telling him that she wasn’t joking either.

Her reaction went ignored when the door to the meeting room flung open, revealing a man taller than the three boys Y/N was surrounded by. She presumed it was Andrei and he did fit the mental image she created for him. Tall, as old as her dad and holding pride as he walked in.

All three boys curtly turned their heads towards him, bodies stiffening as they greeted him with their hands meeting in the middle. “It’s good to see you boys,” he smiled.

“It’s good to see you too, boss,” Jay exhaled, letting go of his hand. Y/N lightly gaped at her brother, confused by his choice of… Words.

Andrew crisply turned around, surprised when his gaze was met with the presence of Y/N. He bellowed out a chuckle, brows raising as his arms extending past him. “My, God!” He cheered. “I didn’t actually think you’d bring her,” he directed towards Jay.

“I thought it’d be nice if you took a trip down memory lane,” Jay offered, shrugging.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen you!” Then he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a hug.

Y/N was taken by surprise as her cheek pressed into the man’s chest. She didn’t know what he was talking about, she didn’t know what either of them were talking about and Andrei sure as hell didn’t seem like he was the murderous type. Towards her, at least. So the confusion stayed on her face when she was released from the embrace.

“Do you remember me, sweetheart?” Andrei asked.

Y/N shook her head, almost embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled.

“Oh, I don’t blame you,” he waved it off. “You were a baby the last time I saw you, clinging to your father’s side,” he smiled warmly, a stark contrast to the description she received of him.

“I’m sure she’ll remember if our dad gives her a little push towards remembering,” Jay smiled sarcastically again. Andrei agreed with a laugh.

“Regardless,” Andrei started. “It’s good to see you, Y/N.”

“Goodie,” Jay clasped his hands together, ushering at Jake with a nod. “I’d rather have my sister out of here before the rest arrive. Wouldn’t want her to die of boredom,” he took two steps towards his sister, a hand pressing on her back as Jake stood on her other side.

Andrei raised a questioning brow, turning to Sunghoon who answered with an inattentive shrug.

“I have so many questions,” Y/N whispered to Jay.

“I’ll answer them later,” Jay added. “If I feel like it.”

Then, Jake was guiding her away to the bar. It was like the previous night all over again as he helped her sit on one of the chairs, keeping the meeting room out of her sight. Y/N dryly laughed, scratching the corner of her brow with her pinky.

“He calls this entertainment,” the span of her palms spread across her thighs.

“He’s just being protective,” Jake debated.

Y/N shook her head again, chuckling out of disbelief. She ordered a glass of wine- a whiskey for Jake with it. The thought of being granted recreation was completely thrown out the window as her eyes met with Jake’s.

She scoffed. “You’d think that the right-hand man has to sit through every meeting,” she commented.

“There’s a lot more to my job than attending meetings and tending to your brother’s requests,” he chuckled. “Besides, my presence isn’t required. We already know what the meeting’s about.”

“Wow,” Y/N leaned her head on her shoulder. “There’s a lot about my brother I’m unaware of,” she stated. With that, it sounded like she affirmed it.

“I’m sure he’ll give you your answers when he thinks your ready.”

“I’m eighteen and he’s been dragging me along for three years. I think I’m ready,” she sipped her wine, eyes narrowed at the sight of Jake sighing. Her shoulders slumped again. “You know,” she trailed. “Jay treats you more like a sibling than me.”

Jake’s eyes widened, almost coughed up his whiskey as he gawked at her. Her statement came out nonchalantly, almost like she’d been waiting to finally say it.

At his reaction, Y/N laughed, waving her hand in front of her as she put away her wine. “No, no,” he coaxed. “Don’t freak out, I’m just saying,” she grinned.

He wiped the corner of his mouth with the side of his hand. “You don’t just say things like that,” he scoffed.

“Eh,” she shrugged a shoulder. “Am I wrong?”

“You are,” he insisted.

“You could be wrong, too,” she reasoned. “But then again, he wouldn’t be treating the lot of you like playthings if he actually cared,” Y/N raised her brows, hiding her expression by drinking her wine.

“Playthings,” he echoed. “You throw that phrase around a lot- what do you even mean by it?” He weaved his fingers together, perfectly styled hair falling over his left eye, curiosity taking over his duty.

“Well,” Y/N pondered, swirling around her wine glass. “You let him boss you around, use you, made sure that your sole purpose was to serve him-”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he silenced her with a wave of her hand and she couldn’t help but realise how similar he was to her brother. She exhaled, giving up. “You sound really stupid.”

“Is that so?” She hummed. “Please enlighten me,” she squinted her eyes, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

“He doesn’t use us or boss us around,” he waved around his fingers, body language suddenly animated. “You think he’s some sort of monster and I don’t blame you for it but he cares, Y/N. He just shows it in a messed up way,” he crossed one leg over the other, finishing his whiskey in one gulp.

“I feel very cared for,” she rolled her eyes.

Y/N wasn’t going to admit the pit she felt in her chest, a rock of disgust and jealousy churning her stomach, making her abandon her wine. It stung to know that he treated his friends better than he treated his own sister.

“Protect me, my ass,” she mumbled, rolling her head and looking past Jake’s shoulder.

Heeseung, Niki, Jungwon and Sunoo walked down the hall, leading a small crowd into the meeting room. Her fingers drummed against the counter, lips pursing as she pondered.

“Listen,” she heard Jake sigh. “I know it stings but he cares for you. More than any of us. Hence the overprotective act he puts on,” he coaxed.

“Act?” She huffed. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I mean, did it work?” He tried, clearly getting a laugh out of her.

“No.”

“Fair,” he pursed his lips. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“We don’t even know each other,” she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, pointing between themselves.

“So?” He asked. “We can get to know each other now?” He offered.

“Is that allowed?”

Jake smirked, tracing his tongue over his teeth. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered, leaning closer to her for dramatic effect. “Your brother trusts me more than anyone, which means he trusts me around you more than Jungwon or Sunoo.”

Y/N raised a brow, smirking back. “Which means what?”

“He doesn’t mind me interacting with you,” he let out. “I’ve always been looking out for you. Longer than Sunoo and Jungwon.”

She gaped at his confession, a shiver of shock running down her spine. “How am I only finding out about this now?” She inquired.

He shrugged. “I told you. There’s a lot more to being the right-hand man than you think,” he grinned. “Plus, he knows you’re going crazy. That’s why he needs me to tag along with him if he’s bringing you,” he explained.

“And here I thought my day was ruined,” she enthused, finding it in her to finish her abandoned wine. “So Jungwon and Sunoo aren’t my bodyguards anymore?”

“I guess you could say that,” he said. “They’re not gonna be locked in your room with you all day. They have other work to tend to for now is all I know. And I’ll be looking after you when you need to be.”

With the new information that was practically being fed to her, Y/N felt a rush of relief wash over her. “I can be alone in my room now,” she gushed.

“Yeah,” Jake chuckled, nodding.

She was still being babied, she knew. But the little splinter of freedom she was being given gave her a little hope. Maybe this was just the beginning of a better future, maybe Jay was realising how unfair he had always been. Regardless, she still felt happy and confident.

Hopefully, nothing would burst that bubble.

“And, by the way,” he added. “You didn’t hear any of this from me.”

“Of course,” she grinned and Jake found his hand moving towards hers, cupping it right on top of her knuckles. Y/N didn’t oppose it, she let his contact be the big red bow to her good day.

Jake thought her skin was warm. He thought the sight of their hands touching was more than just a pretty picture. He thought he wanted to hold her hand for longer than he’d like. He spent more than a couple of years watching over her like a fairy godmother- or guardian angel, whatever it was they called them these days. This was probably the last thing he expected, but it happened.

He wished for the moment to last a little longer, but Y/N’s face contorted into realisation, her gaze moving past his shoulder. She slipped her hand away from his, clearing her throat and dusting her dress as Sunghoon stood in front of them, the same stoic expression gracing his expression.

“The meeting’s almost over. Jay should be out soon,” he informed and Y/N nodded, pulling her lips to the side.

Before Sunghoon could make himself comfortable on one of the stools and enjoy himself a drink, Jay was striding towards them. With his hands balled into fists, his arms swung as he approached them.

Y/N found it in herself to smile at her brother, head innocently tilting as he looked at her with confusion. “What?” He asked. “What’s so amusing? Why are you smiling?” He wondered, looking between her and Jake.

“Am I not allowed to smile?” She blinked innocently.

“You don’t smile for no reason,” he pointed out, then rolled his eyes. “Where’s the angry remark I usually get?”

Jake and Sunghoon exchanged glances.

“Don’t be a bore, Jay,” Y/N chuckled. “I’m just excited to ask you those questions I was talking about earlier.”

Jay sucked in a breath, face relaxing as realisation washed over him. He glanced at the ceiling, then at the ground, helplessly sighing. He only realised just how much his sister was going to pester him.

“Let’s just go, shall we?” He pursed his lips.

Jay grabbed her forearm, smoothly dragging her out of her stool and past the hallway, all the way down to the ground floor. Y/N let him, yet curious questions tumbled out of her mouth, none stop. By the time they reached the car, Jay was annoyed.

He ushered Jake and Sunghoon to get in the car as he held Y/N by the arm, glaring at her until she shut up and gave him a reaction deemed serious enough. “What do you want from me?” He fumed.

Y/N took a deep breath, throwing away the questions she had on Andrei, or her parents or about the business he leads. Instead, she pursed her lips into a smile. “I just want you to be my brother,” she freely admitted.

“I am your brother.”

“But you don’t act like one!” She argued. “I just want you to let me live my life and be happy when I find happiness. I want you to let me explore the places you drag me to, let me interact with people,” she listed breathlessly, hope filling her voice.

“Y/N, you know how dangerous it is to just let you wander,” he sighed. “I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Her tongue poked her cheek as her brother looked away, eyes frantically blinking as a wind blew past them. “Okay, then Jake can follow me around while I go wandering,” she offered. “You trust him, and he keeps me safe. I’ll be a good girl and won’t talk to strangers.”

Jay immediately let out a chuckle. “What did you and Jake talk about while I was gone?”

Her brows furrowed, lips forced into a frown. “What? We didn’t talk,” she insisted. “it was more of a chat. And he didn’t exactly tell me anything.”

With that, Jay pondered, hands resting on his hips as he looked his sister up and down. He sighed defeatedly. “Fine,” he said. “I’m not going to let you wander all by yourself. You can stay in your room alone and do whatever you want but when you’re outside, you’re either with me or him. Understood?”

Y/N couldn’t help the smile that reached her eyes, stretching her cheeks and showing her teeth. She’d jump up and down if she could. “Understood,” she said to him.

“Good,” he nodded. “I trust him enough to know that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. So, make friends with him or something, I don’t know. I’m only letting you do this because I don’t want you going crazy.”

“I know,” she nodded, lovingly looking at her brother who had his guard down. “Thank you, brother.”

“Don’t make me regret this,” he warned and she was being piled into the car, sitting in the back seat with Jake.

As Sunghoon started driving, Jake managed to catch Y/N’s attention. He curiously nodded at her, silently asking what she was smiling about. She only shrugged at him and looked away, hands resting on the exposed skin of her knee.

She was alone when she reached her, a silence she accompanied on her own. She starting squealing out of joy, skipping towards the bathroom with a smile that refused to leave her face. Music blasted through her phone and she shamelessly sang along.

Dinner was sent to her room later in the night and she happily located herself on the bed, duvet pooling at her waist as the TV played a random movie she’d never watched or understood. Nevertheless, she watched intently, wide eyes scanning across the subtitles as she stuffed her mouth with carbonara pasta.

She didn’t cross paths with her brother since their merry little conversation. And neither did she expect to see him or any of his friends. But her door creaked open, and a familiar set of fingers adorned with a familiar set of rings held the door frame and Y/N was wiping her mouth and placing her plate on a table.

Deja vu washed over her.

“Jake?” She raised a brow as he entered the room without an invitation, slowly and softly clicking the door closed behind him.

Jake gazed at her with doe-eyes, filled with some amount of hope and desperation. His lips crooned into a sheepish smile as his fingers laced together in front of him. “When I said I wanted us to get to know each other, I meant it.”

Y/N smiled involuntarily, blinking twice as Jake took two steps towards her bed. She had to admit, the conversation she had with him was forgotten about, overshadowed by the satisfaction of her new predicament.

For starters, she didn’t know if Jake alone was allowed in there. She didn’t know how her brother would react if he found out he was in her room. Bending and breaking the rules so early into freedom wasn’t the best idea.

But what the hell did she know? She let him walk right up to her.

“I don’t know why but something in me thought it’d be a good idea to sneak into your room,” he chuckled, pulling a chair towards the foot of her bed. He sat comfortably, eyes trained on the sight of Y/N pulling the duvet to her shoulders.

“He knows you won’t hurt me,” she waved it off. “He made it quite clear that he trusts you with his life. Ergo, he trusts you enough to keep my life in the palm of your hands. You chatting with me alone in my room shouldn’t bother him-”

“-But Jay’s ego is so big that if he finds me here, he’ll wig out,” he gladly finished for her, waving around his fingers as he spoke. “He told me about the small changes he allowed.”

“Exactly,” she laughed.

“Were you just saying all that to convince yourself that it’s fine for me to be here?” He inquired, smirking

“Maybe,” she trailed. “I just don’t want to mess up, cross a line, have Jay find out and wig out and treat me like a doll again. You know?” She shrugged, belting out her explanation with a single breath.

“I know,” Jake nodded, giving her a comforting smile.

Y/N had to wonder why she was letting this happening, why she found herself enjoying his company and the conversations he started up. She could have easily chalked it up to the lack of human interaction during all these years. She could have easily chalked it up to the desperation of needing valid attention.

He was sitting in front of her, with the first two buttons of his shirt undone, his fingers trailing up and down his thigh and he listened and spoke. He had a perfectly charming smile and a perfectly carved nose. He had eyes shaped like pointy almonds and his laugh- Y/N loved making him laugh.

If Y/N could box up his laugher and get lost in how ridiculously restricted it sounded, she would. Perhaps it was his laughter that put her to sleep that night, unaware of just how tired the adrenaline rush made her.

But it was the same adrenaline rush and the absence of laughter that woke her up hours later. Her head lifted off her pillow with a gasp, hands fisting her duvet when she realised Jake was still in her room, sleeping in the chair with his head thrown back.

The sight of him at peace didn’t stop her from gaping, though. “Oh, my God,” she said, then repeated herself a little louder. That was enough for Jake’s eyes to shoot open and look around in complete confusion.

“What?” He rubbed his eyes with his palms, fingers scaling through his scalp as he fixed his hair. “What is it?” He mumbled.

Y/N squinted her eyes, forgetting for a split second that he wasn’t supposed to be in her room. “How is it that your hair is still perfect?” Her lips parted while she dramatically parted.

Jake’s face fell, a disinterest washing over him as he stared at the messily clothed girl in front of him. “You were freaking out a second ago and now this?” He raised his brows.

“Oh, yeah!” Her fingers buried in her face. “You’re still in my room!” She reminded him like it was no big deal but the clench of her jaw betrayed her.

The warm Italian sun was rising and shone its light through the curtains. Jake found himself flinching at the hasty realisation, jumping out of his chair and straightening his shirt. “Shit,” he cursed. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“No shit Sherlock!” Y/N scoffed, pushing the duvet off her legs and trudging towards the door. “Go back to your room before Jay wakes up,” she opened the door and Jake gladly followed with fisted hands.

“You think he’ll find out?” He stood at the entrance, hands holding the doorframe.

“He will if you stay any longer,” she closed the door as a scoff left his lips. “I’m sorry you had to sleep on a chair!” Then the door clicked shut and her back leaned on the door, a hand running down her face.

It was then she realised the grim on her face and stench on her skin but she didn’t find it in her to shower. Instead, she mulled over the number of ways the rest of the day could go while sitting on the edge of her bed and fixating on the chair Jake had slept on.

Now that she thought about it, her hotel room wasn’t as spacious as she thought. The ivory carpet was comfortable, and the golden lights seemed to brighten the bathroom more than the actual room. The bed was large and had pillows cosier than the ones back at home- Jay’s house.

All of that didn’t matter because today would be the day she would venture the streets of Naples and eat something other than five-star dishes for every meal. The thought brought a smile on her face, an exhausted smile but a smile nonetheless.

When she moved towards her suitcases, her door opened again and her face fell, lips pursing. “Good morning,” she heard her brother say, his sarcastic smile could be heard from a mile away.

“Morning,” she sang, the same sarcastic smile spreading on her face as she turned to look at him.

“You’re chipper,” he commented. “Why?”

He was oblivious to the fact that his trusted, loyal and honest right-hand man was previously in the room.

“Because I have a request that I know you won’t turn down,” she smiled ignorantly, a sparkle in her eyes and Jay strolled towards her, rolling his eyes.

“Ah, yes,” he mused. “Last day in Italy and the first day of filling your dream of getting the small sliver of freedom you’ve been chasing,” he taunted, holding up his thumb and index as he described what he meant by small.

“Come on, don’t ruin my mood,” she slapped his chest with the back of her hand. “When are we leaving, anyway?”

“Late in the evening,” he informed. “So whatever activities you have planned for today, they better fit the schedule,” he added.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I just want to go shopping and try pastries,” she shrugged. Jay’s face contorted into mild disgust.

“You really are miserable,” he commented, though it was obvious to be passed on as a joke.

“No, I just want to enjoy the little things in life,” she insisted.

“Please, don’t become a romantic,” he whined, his hand raising to hover in front of him.

“I’ve always been a romantic,” she snarled. “You’d know that if you bothered to spend a little time with me.”

“You’d be surprised,” he rolled his eyes. “Just don’t drag Jake into your romantic fantasies,” he waved his hand.

“You’re not funny,” she rolled her eyes. “And for someone who trusts Jake so much, you really have a way of being subtle about your concerns,” she pointed out. “Why?”

“Doesn’t matter how much I trust him,” Jay replied. “I know you and I know you’ll do something stupid and drag him into it with you. Why did you think I ordered Sunoo and Jungwon never to talk to you?”

“Seriously?” She scoffed, mouth gaping. “You thought I’d fall in love with them or something?”

“No,” he trailed. “But that might as well happen with Jake.”

“Wow, you trust him so much,” he taunted, drawling out her sarcasm.

“Seriously, Y/N. Don’t make me regret being lenient,” he scrunched up his face. “And it’s weird enough that I’m having a conversation about love and emotions with you,” he cringed while pulling out his phone. Y/N assumed he was going to call Jake.

She agreed with a tut, hands reaching into her suitcase to find new clothes to wear. Curiosity washed over her and she looked at her brother through her lashes. She licked her lips. “What would you do if something did happen between him and me?”

Her question was unacknowledged because he already had his phone pressed to his ear.

When Jake entered his hotel room, he wasn’t expecting Heeseung and Sunghoon to be sitting on his bed, with looks of what he thought was concern on their faces. He furrowed his brows and tilted his head. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Heeseung replied. “You’re supposed to join us for breakfast in a couple minutes, Jake. Where were you?”

Heeseung and Sunghoon glared at him, though it was unintentional. Jake looked between the pair with hard eyes, contemplating if he could be honest with them. They’d find out, anyway. One way or another.

“I was in Y/N’s room the entire night,” he confessed.

Heeseung’s jaw fell and he stood up, stepping towards Jake. “What, are you her new bodyguard?”

“I guess you could say that,” he shrugged. “But I wasn’t supposed to be in her room.”

That was enough to have Heeseung leering at him, his hands reaching to fist his collar and dared to threaten him. “Listen,” he seethed. “I know Jay won’t literally kill us- his friends- when we mess up but his sister is a different story. He will explode if he finds out-”

“Can you calm down?” Jake pushed Heeseung off of himself, just as annoyed as he was. “I was just in there talking to her,” he defended.

“Without his permission,” Heeseung added.

“He won’t find out unless one of us tells him,” Jake rolled his eyes.

Heeseung looked over his shoulder to connect his eyes with Sunghoon. The pair were worried, for Jake and themselves. They’d keep a secret, no questions asked, but it wouldn’t take long for the situation to unravel and become something more than a mess.

“You’re gonna get caught up with her,” Heeseung warned.

Jake tutted, then scoffed as his hands rested on his hips. “I already am!” He exclaimed. “I’ve been watching over her for years, I know all her schedules and the books she reads like the back of my hand. Can you honestly blame me for wanting to know more?”

Sunghoon sighed, leaving the bed and strolling towards Jake with furrowed brows. “No, I guess we can’t blame you,” he agreed, but the twitch on his mouth told him that he had more to say. “But whatever you do, don’t get yourself in trouble. Don’t throw around Jay’s trust. Don’t fuck yourself over.”

He clapped Jake’s shoulder twice and pursed his lips. Before the conversation could continue further, Jake’s phone rang and he rushed to get it out of his pocket. “It’s Jay,” he mumbled but a part of him knew that he wasn’t in trouble. He ushered the pair in front of him to calm down when he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Are you awake?” Jay’s voice rang loud and clear.

“Wide awake,” Jake answered.

“Good,” Jay said. “Be ready in thirty minutes. My sister wants to go shopping and as much as I dread it, I’ll still have to comply.”

Jake found himself chuckling and the boys in front of him looked at him, confused. “Where am I supposed to take her?”

“I don’t know, a mall? Some shopping street?” The confusion in Jake’s voice was hard to miss. No one could blame him, though. He didn’t know the first thing about letting his sister have fun. “She said something about enjoying the little things in life.”

“Right, got it,” Jake nodded and then hung up the phone.

He ushered Heeseung and Sunghoon out of his room after explaining the schedule for his day. The two boys glanced warningly at him for the last time before Jake shut the door and took a minute to himself. He leaned his back on the door, hands covering his face as he groaned and cursed at himself.

The next half an hour went past like a blur- he wore a shirt similar to the one he wore prior, black pants and leather shoes, a watch to top it all off. When he entered Y/N’s room, he walked into the sight of Jay handing Y/N his credit card. They then turned to him and bid him their greetings.

The rest went downhill from there because he found himself driving to the nearest shopping street. Y/N thought malls were suffocating. He found himself glancing at her while she sat beside him, wanting to reach over and play with the end of her sundress.

Then he found himself carrying at least five shopping bags, filled with cheap dresses and tacky jewellery that looked beautiful regardless- and would certainly look stunning on her. She laughed and giggled and twirled as she skipped down the rocky pavement with a newly bought sun hat on her head. It matched her outfit to a tea.

Jake followed her without complaints. He was annoyed, yes, but that didn’t stop him from smiling at how happy she was. It was like she was on top of the world, exploring for the first time in her life.

“You know, Jay was being nice to me this morning?” She said while walking beside him, a few shopping bags hanging from her forearm too. “Sort of.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jake smirked as she nodded enthusiastically. “What’d he say?”

“Well, he was being his usual overprotective self and all,” she started. “But in like a nice way. A funny, trying to keep it loose kind of way. He was talking about love and all with me,” she glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, waiting for a response.

“I knew he was trying to be open with you but I wasn’t expecting that,” he chuckled. “What’d he say exactly?”

“To not drag you into a mess,” she responded nonchalantly with a shrug.

“Me?” He asked, blinking with surprise as he gripped the shopping bags tighter. “Odd,” he commented.

“I know,” she crooned. “He thinks I’ll fall in love with you or something. I don’t blame him for thinking that but Jay saying it out loud is just weird.”

Jake stared at the ground, swallowing a lump in his throat as he nodded. His hair covered his forehead, rosy red lips threatening to fall into a frown. “Yeah,” he said. “Weird.”

Y/N laughed, apologising for even bringing up the topic and skipping past him and into a cafe. He followed with a groan, padding his way past the door and letting her order whatever it was that she was craving- a cheesecake, blonde brownies and two cups of coffee, one for her and the other for him.

They found a booth somewhere in the corner, against the yellow bricked wall and beside a few potted plants. They rid themselves of the weight of the shopping bags and sat across from each other, sipping their coffees and enjoying the warm blonde brownies and cheesecake.

“Did you enjoy today?” Jake asked while he jabbed his fork into Y/N’s cheesecake.

“Very much,” she grinned, chewing on a mouthful of brownies. “I plan on dragging Jay into my room so I can do a little haul for him. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“He’ll suffer,” he laughed and as did she, agreeing.

“I’m just trying to bond with him,” she reasoned. “He’ll go back to being cold-hearted soon but I plan on breaking that shell,” she smiled proudly.

“Well, good luck on that,” Jake offered. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Hopefully,” she groaned. “I want to have a good relationship with someone from my family,” she grabbed a fork and dug at her cheesecake too.

“You don’t talk to your parents?”

“Nope,” she shook her head. “Jay acts like a messenger between them and me. They basically just handed me over to Jay and said figure it out. I have no idea why but I’m honestly better off,” she explained.

Jake didn’t understand how none of what she said bothered her. Or maybe it did, the indifference of her demeanour just hid it. He didn’t know. “Why are you better off?”

“Because,” she started, running her tongue across her teeth. “My parents are worse than my brother. Jay at least tries to keep me happy. My parents would just throw me in some room,” she cringed.

“They can’t be that bad,” Jake furrowed his brows.

“Fine, maybe I exaggerated,” she confessed. “But they still don’t care.”

“I didn’t know all that,” he waved his at her.

“Oh, really?” Y/N raised her brows in surprise. “I thought Jay would have told all of you.”

“He never talks about it.”

“Don’t blame him for that either.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, shaking the great of his questions out of his head. He blinked and wet his lips. “What else do you have planned for the day?”

“Nothing else, I had my fair share of fun,” she finished the cheesecake. “Why? Do you have something in mind?”

As a matter of fact, Jake did have something in mind. He was going to take her to Museo Cappella Sansevero which wasn’t far from where they currently were. He was going to take her to an aquarium as well and call it an unofficial date.

He’d tell Sunghoon all about how she enjoyed it and how he made her laugh. He’d brag about how he spent an entire day with a pretty girl in a building surrounded by ancient paintings and sculptures and he’d gloat about how he took pictures of her in front of fish tanks.

Well, the fantasy was thrown out the window as the image of Jay’s livid face fogged his head. It was only then that he realised the idea of an unofficial date was foolish. Selfish, too. Y/N might as well have laughed in his face if he carried it out.

So he just shook his head, a tight-lipped smile answering her question. “We don’t have much time before the evening,” he reminded. “We should get back soon so you can torture your brother with your haul.”

That is exactly what she did. She dragged Jay out of his room and into hers and forced him to sit on a chair. Despite his groans, objections and complaints, he still sat with his fingers weaved on his thigh. Y/N put on a parade, showing him the various tops, skirts and dresses she bought.

Jay thought the necklaces and earrings she got were garish. Y/N silenced him and continued gushing. She talked about how warm the sun was and how she talked to the shop owners with the little Italian she learnt in her free time. She told him about the lovely cafe where she and Jake enjoyed a cheesecake and coffee.

“What, like a date?” Was Jay’s response and Y/N threw a pillow at his disappointed face.

“The thought didn’t cross my mind,” she said. “Even if I do end up falling for your right-hand man, you should allow it because you trust him so much-”

“One, don’t cross the line. It doesn’t matter how much I trust him, my ego will still get hurt,” he cut her off. “Two, Jake shall not find out about this conversation,” he held up two fingers. “Three, I’m never talking about love with you ever again. And four, I’m trying to be a better brother so let me.”

Y/N laughed at him, collapsing on her bed as Jay chuckled with her. They couldn’t remember the last time they laughed together, a moment where anger or arguments didn’t come into the way of siblingly bonding.

That smile stayed on her face as she was being guided around the airport, arm linked with her stoic-faced brother who gently sat her down beside him in the charted flight. They didn’t talk. In fact, the siblings enjoyed the comfortable silence between them as one read a magazine and the other sat with earphones plugged.

When they reached home, Jay told her to sleep in her room while he and the rest of the boys dealt with something he wouldn’t tell her about. “You can worry about unpacking tomorrow,” he said and she fell right to sleep.

She thought her sleep schedule would start messing up if she kept waking up in the middle of the night. A creak made her groan awake and as she opened her eyes, she was met by the sight of Jake and his innocent smile.

Y/N tiredly smiled back at him, mumbling out a question that neither of them could comprehend. He chuckled, allowing his fingers to brush away the hair from her face. She rubbed her eyes, pushing herself to lean against her headboard. “What are you doing here?” She murmured.

“Thought I’d wish you a good night,” he whispered back, crouching down to get a better look at her.

“How sweet of you,” she cracked a smile, leaning into the fingers that rested against her cheek. “But you didn’t have to wake me up.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to,” he coyed. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said, reminding himself rather than informing her.

“No, no you’re not,” she agreed. “But now you woke me up and I won’t fall back asleep any time soon,” her expression fell somewhere between a pout and frown and Jake found himself swooning.

“I can’t sleep either,” he shrugged a shoulder, tracing his fingers down her jaw.

Y/N doesn’t respond to that, just smiled warmly and moved enough to push away her blanket. Jake looked at her a little confused, then questioningly but complied anyway. He crawled beside her, meekly moving his arm over her shoulders and she gladly got comfortable.

“If only Jay could see this,” she snorted. “He’d be furious if he saw his right-hand man putting his sister to sleep.”

“Which is why you need to speak a little more quietly,” he uttered, but the pair laughed anyway. They struggled to hold it in and ended up in a laughing mess. But they were quiet enough. Nobody woke up.

“Sorry,” she chuckled. “My sense of humour is broken.”

“Pretty obvious.”

Y/N laughed at that again, one hand covering her mouth and the other lightly hitting his chest. “Oh, my God,” she snickered. “Not laughing is harder than I thought.”

“Tell me about it,” Jake took a deep breath. “But it’s better than lying awake all night with nothing to do, right?”

“Exactly.”

The pair turn towards each other, eyes connecting for only a second, smiles stretching to create a memory that would probably be burnt into their heads. Y/N looks away first, mostly because it was an involuntary action but also because she wasn’t ready to break another rule in one night. Jake took a second, eyes easily gliding down the bridge of her nose to the turn of her jaw. Then he looked away too.

It was quiet for exactly twenty seconds where Y/N thought about what conversation to strike up next while Jake’s head was riddled with ifs and possibilities of what would happen if Jay walked into her room. It was probably not the best thing to think about while her head was nestling into his arm.

“Why do you think Jay is trying to be better?”

Turns out, Y/N was thinking about the same person. A different reason but the same person, regardless. Fear was what she felt, a small dent in her stomach bringing her nerves. She knew what she was doing was wrong, to be letting herself feel so comfortable lying next to someone she acquainted with for less than a week.

“Because you asked him,” he said, though he wasn’t so sure of his answer. “He probably realised that he can’t control you for the rest of your life.”

“I hope so,” she sighed. “I’m turning nineteen soon, I’d like to build a life for myself,” she stated.

Jake shifts his head, eyes glancing at her hair. “When?”

“In a week,” she said, fingers reaching to play with the ends of her hair.

“Oh, Yeah,” he breathed. “I remember.”

“You do?” Y/N shifted her head too and Jake’s chin touches her hair. She doesn’t seem to give a response to the contact but a swarm of butterflies rushed to his stomach and a chill ran down his spine- stark emotions colliding within his body.

“Of course,” he swallowed. “Jay always reminds us. He gets excited.”

“Really?” Her heart swelled, a warmth wrapping around her as she realised just how much her brother actually cared. “I didn’t know.”

“He didn’t want you to know,” he said. “He’d be embarrassed if he found out you knew.”

“I can keep a secret,” she grinned.

Jake grinned back, tightly. “What presents does he give you?”

“A ring,” she simply said and Jake’s brows lifted at the mundane response.

“A ring?”

“Yeah,” she nodded enthusiastically. “Every year since I was three, he buys me a ring for every birthday. I’m going to get the sixteenth one next week,” she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m only realising how much he cares.”

“I don’t blame you,” he cleared his throat, slumping further into her bed. That made her head fall against his shoulder- he had no complaints. “The bad parts overshadow the good parts, most of the time.”

“That’s true,” she nodded.

They were both tired, it was becoming rather obvious. Y/N smacked her lips together, eyes fighting to stay open. But she slipped into slumber, soon enough. Jake didn’t notice until he looked at her again, her breath steady and moonlight highlighting her cheekbone.

He sighed in defeat, slowly sliding his arm away as she fell back on her pillow and Jake slipped out of her bed. He took the liberty to properly drape the blanket over her body, covering her arms and legs equally. She nuzzled into her pillow, humming. He slowly crept out of her room.

The nights leading to her birthday went the same way. She didn’t ask him to, but he’d slip into her room to talk to her every night. He’d blame it on the lack of interaction between them during the day because he was either busy with paperwork or she was given no other choice but to stay in her room.

She usually spent breakfast with Jay, where they would talk about the most random things that came to mind. It was an unspoken rule- for Y/N to never ask about what he did for work every day. She was content enough with laughing and bonding with her brother.

Lunch and dinner, though, she was either sitting alone on the dining table in an empty house or sitting in her room with her face stuffed with food. The tv was usually playing a movie, other times she listened to music.

It wasn’t as depressing as it sounded, the constant loop her life scheduled. Because she had two highlights in her days. One in the morning, where she’d chat with her brother and the other at night, where Jake would lay beside her and keep her company until she fell asleep.

Neither did Jake talk about what he did in his day. He’d usually just tell her the gist- exhausting, boring, typical day for someone who worked in the business he did. With that answer, Y/N had to wonder what it was that she was being protected from, why she was being guarded like a precious gem that could be stolen. She realised she’d rather not know and she��d realised that they’d rather not tell. Living in a plane of oblivion was always better.

He once told her about his life in Australia and how he used to be with his parents and big brother. He talked about his dog, Layla, like he was talking about the love of his life and it made her smile. His accent finally made sense.

Y/N didn’t have much to tell Jake. Her life was boring. She elaborated on Pearl and how Jay had always had a crush on her when they were kids. They collectively made fun of him for sleeping with her even with the knowledge of her marriage.

She also told him how Jay finally told her about Andrei and how he and her dad were childhood friends. Andrei was the reason Jay was part of a mob and he was the reason they got to live in both luxury and misery.

When her birthday finally came, Jake didn’t have the chance to wish her. He knew for a fact that Jay would be surprising her at the stroke of twelve. That was exactly what happened.

Y/N, oblivious to her brother’s plans, was still awake, waiting for Jake to come into her like he was doing for the past week. But it was safe to say that she was much happier seeing Jay tip-toe into her room with a small birthday cake in his palms.

He had an excited smile on his face- a smile she rarely saw- as he sang Happy Birthday. A single candle was lit on the birthday cake and she quickly blew it out. The small celebration happened quietly and lasted until the pair managed to finish the cake. Before he let her sleep, despite knowing it’d be hard with the sugar rush, he handed her a birthday gift.

Another ring, like Y/N wished and expected for. A ring that was shaped with flowers, colourful enamel painted on the petals. “That is the opposite of tacky,” he said and she laughed at his humour.

She was glad that he could freely joke around with her, regardless of the situation.

She didn’t see Jake that entire day because her brother took her out for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t complaining, mostly because she was too engrossed in the empty park they walked around and the empty theatre they watched a movie in.

Regardless of how much Jay was willing to let Y/N have fun, he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to book out entire parks and theatres. He had the money, so why not.

Y/N honestly didn’t care as long as she was with him. She couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed a day out with her brother.

They got home later in the evening and Y/N agreed to stay in her room for the rest of the day. When she walked past Jungwon and Sunoo, they wished her a happy birthday- she smiled gratefully at them, then shut the door of her room and sunk into the white sheets of her bed.

Suddenly it was like her old life chased her down, following the same loop she was so used to. Today was a rare day, a special day that probably wouldn’t be repeating itself until next year. It was just one day.

She wondered if she could plan something special for Jay’s birthday, too.

That night, when the moonlight filtered through her curtains and crickets chirped, Jake snuck into her room again, a determined look on his face. He held something in his hand, hiding it behind his back as he cautiously made his way towards her bed.

“Hey,” Y/N whispered to him, a beaming smile on her face.

“Hey,” he cooed back. “I didn’t get to see you all day,” he said as he slipped under the sheets beside her.

“I was with Jay the entire day,” she explained. “A special birthday surprise,” she jazzed her hands, earning a low chuckle from Jake.

“Before you tell me about it,” he started. “Happy birthday,” he crooned as a finger reached to tap her nose. They smiled at each other, humming. “And I got you something,” he added and pulled out an averagely sized box.

Y/N gasped softly. “You really didn’t have to,” she insisted but he shook his head, ushering her to move and sit in front of him. She complied, both crossing their legs as they sat in front of each other. Jake opened the box to reveal a bracelet, a simple, silver chain that would wrap around her wrist.

“It’s not much, but it’s something you’d like,” he smiled sheepishly.

“You’re right,” she gushed. “I love it.”

“Can I put it on for you?”

She nodded enthusiastically and Jake softly reached for her hands, fingers nimbly wrapping the bracelet around her wrist, cool metal touching warm skin. He was right, it suited her.

“Thank you,” she lifted her hand to ogle at the bracelet around her wrist. “It’s so pretty.”

“Pretty girl deserves pretty gifts,” the words slipped out involuntarily. He played it off with a shrug and leaned against the headboard. Y/N trained her eyes on him, moving closer so that their knees were touching. “How’d your day go, then?”

“Oh, right,” she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Jay came into my room with cake at exactly twelve in the night and then in the morning we went to a park and ate ice cream. Then we went to watch a movie.”

“Jay really did all that?”

“Granted, he did book out the entire park and theatre but it was still fun,” she added, a sly grin taking over her pursed lips.

“That’s the catch I was waiting for,” he laughed. “What about your parents?”

“They messaged me a birthday wish and sent me some money,” she scoffed, darting her eyes away for a brief second. “They act like they’re some distant relative of mine,” she commented.

“At least, you have Jay and me,” he offered. Y/N nodded, agreeing with a minuscule grin.

Silence followed with that. Neither of them were complaining, though, because they just gazed at each other, pupils fighting the dim moonlight. Y/N found it in herself to move her hands towards his, nimble fingers playing with his. She always thought he had pretty hands and she knew how bizarre it sounded.

Jake watched as her hands played with his fingers and recalled how he wanted her to do the exact thing. Her index scaled the span of his palm, then the crevices between his knuckles and veins. She paid so much attention to the one thing she was doing, he found it adorable.

“Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, Jay and I were at each others’ throats?” She mumbled, a light chuckle following her observation.

Jake hummed. “Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, you and I were strangers to each other?” He nodded between himself and her.

“Yeah,” she giggled. “And all it took was for me to be a whiney brat,” she muffled the cackle that left her mouth.

Jake laughed at her, chest rising and falling as he felt his heart race, banging against his ribs as Y/N absentmindedly wrapped her palm around his two fingers. Her delicate, little hand around his. He would curse if he could.

“I’m pleased with the way things turned out.”

While Y/N nodded, Jake let his free hand wrap around her wrist, tugging her towards him. It was clear that she wasn’t expecting it, almost slipping onto his lap. But Jake caught her, his other hand holding her waist as her palms landed on his chest.

He exhaled, chest heaving as her body pressed against his, lips parted. Y/N darted her eyes across his face, flitting to read what he was feeling. “I’m pleased too,” she gulped, smiling ever so lightly that anyone could have missed it.

“Good,” then his fingers were wrapped around her chin, guiding her face closer to his. Their eyes fluttered shut in unison and Jake caught her lips with his.

Y/N wouldn’t say that she felt sparks fly. No, it was something subtler yet more intense. It was like waves of butterflies crashed down on her, the back of her head tingled and her spine would have given up if it wasn’t for Jake holding her tight. As her hand travelled towards his jaw, she felt fire between her fingers.

A moan parted from her throat, her brows furrowing when Jake’s lips parted from her with a wet smack. Y/N’s eyes fluttered open, breathless just as he was. “Was that supposed to be my second birthday gift?”

Jake chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he leaned towards her again. “Take it as whatever you want,” he pecked her, repeatedly, punctuating each with a smile as his hands buried in her hair.

If it weren’t for the air conditioning, she was sure she’d spontaneously combust out of joy, excitement and ardour. She wouldn’t say she was pining over him. Hell, they only started talking a week ago. But a part of her knew he was pining for her, for a longer time than she knew.

He made it quite obvious. He was so nice to her, so caring and endearing. The bracelet as a birthday gift just gave him away. Maybe she was happy, maybe she was scared. She didn’t know which overpowered what as her brain turned into mush while he held her.

All she knew was that she liked him and he liked her. What more could she possibly ask for?

Right. Her brother’s acceptance.

“Shit,” she cursed as Jake’s palm pressed the small of her back, her chest arching into his. He sighed, darting his eyes up and down her face before kissing her nose, and then her cheek and then her forehead but his lips found their way back to hers nevertheless.

“What is it?” He breathed, giving up and resting his chin in the croon of her neck. She slumped against him, her arms latching around his neck and the smell of lavender filled her nose.

“Jay,” she reminded him.

“I just kissed you,” he pointed out. “And you’re thinking of your brother?”

“Exactly, you just kissed me,” she whined. “And if he finds out-”

“How will he find out?” Jake hummed as Y/N pushed herself off him, sitting inches away from his touch. His fingertips traced her cheek, pushing back any strand of hair that covered her face.

Oh, how long he had waited for this exact moment, to have her freely for him to touch. For her hands to explore his face and chest and for his hands to disappear in her hair. But there would always be something stopping him- them.

“I don’t know,” she hissed. “It’s Jay! He’ll find out somehow!”

“Then let’s just hope he doesn’t find out any time soon,” he tried. “I’m not gonna let him ruin this.”

Then Y/N felt butterflies in her stomach again and she fought the smile that threatened to grace her features. Jake didn’t hesitate to grin, pulling her closer to him and letting his hand roam her waist, fingers sliding under her shirt and trailing lines across the band of her pants.

She giggled, lips tracing his jaw and complaint that she felt ticklish. He told her that it was the whole point- she whined as she kissed his jugular. Jake’s hands refused to leave her hips, he held her in place, praying that he could have a few more minutes to spend just like that.

They didn’t know how long they stayed that way, lips on each other’s necks, hands teasing the little exposed skin they could find. But however long it was, nothing seemed to be enough. Jake left her room when Y/N started feeling sleepy. He left with a kiss to her head and mouth and slipped past her door.

She woke up early regardless and she chalked it up to the adrenaline that still surged through her veins. The previous night’s activities dazed her head as she raced down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jay sat at the dining table just like she expected, a plate of waffles with whipped cream sitting in front of him. His attention stayed on his phone, though, even when she settled beside him.

“Good morning,” she sang but received no answer. Well, if she counted a hum as an answer, then so be it.

The cook hurried to hand her a plate of waffles as well and she smiled at him, reaching for a fork and knife. She wasted no time in eating, oblivious to the way her brother’s jaw clenched and unclenched, eyes narrowed to an empty screen on her phone.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?” She chuckled, chewing a mouthful of waffles.

Jay tutted, shaking his head and shoving his phone into his pocket. “I might as well have,” he grumbled. “How does one react to finding their right-hand man sneaking out of their sister’s room in the middle of the night,” and his hand reached for a tissue, wiping it between his fingers.

Y/N stilled her actions, fork falling out of her hand as her eyes connected with her brother. He was truly livid, fires of anger blazing in his eyes as his fingers intertwined under his chin.

“What?” She blinked, a chill running down her spine. Her hand hovered in the air, hair falling into her eyes, mouth agape.

“Don’t play dumb,” he rolled his eyes. “Do you know how angry I was?”

“What did you do?” She panicked, palms pressing against the slick wood of the table. The cutlery shook, her plate might as well have dropped to the floor.

“Yelled at him for a good fucking hour,” he seethed.

“That’s all you did?”

Jay doesn’t respond but takes his knife and fork to his waffles. Y/N watched patiently but it felt like her head could detonate at any given second. The worse possible scenarios crossed her mind- was Jake still his right-hand man?

“He’s still alive, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he said nonchalantly. “He’s not just my right-hand man. He’s my best friend. I’m not cruel enough to kill him.”

If she could, she would sigh out of relief. But more questions surfaced. But she wasn’t in a place to ask him anything. After all, she did betray him.

“Not two weeks and he’s bought you a gift for your birthday and had the nerve to kiss you,” he let out a breath in disappointment. Y/N bowed her head down, embarrassed by just how much he knew. She couldn’t blame Jake for confessing, though. She would have confessed too. “To be fair, it was inevitable, right? Falling for the brother’s best friend- you’ve always been a clichè, right, Y/N?.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, playing with her thumbs. She wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say but it was the only appropriate response she could muster.

Jay ignored her, continuing to eat calmly. The shiny watch on his wrist slid up and down as he moved his arm while eating. Y/N knew her brother well enough to know that he was seconds away from exploding into fury. This was the calm before the storm, for all she knew.

“You’d think that I wouldn’t mind you having a rendezvous with him. You know, because I trust him and whatnot,” he continued, echoing the words she had said to him before. “But that’s the thing. I remember telling you not to drag him into your romantic fantasies,” he chewed on another piece of his waffle.

Y/N sat in her chair shaking, wondering how on earth she messed up so bad. Not two weeks and she had ruined her chance of freedom and a better relationship with her brother. Not two weeks and she proved that she didn’t deserve anything she asked for.

“Now I’m sitting here with my ego hurt. And we all know how I am when my ego is hurt” he reminded. “But I’m torn between minding my own business and doing something about it. So tell me, what should I do?”

It was a rhetorical question. Y/N knew that. She felt like a little girl being scolded by her parents after committing a small crime. But this wasn’t a small crime. It was a mistake that might as well cost her relationship with her brother. So she just sat there and took it. She was on the verge of tears, the corners of her lips twitching downwards.

“Because I don’t want to do something about it. You’re legally an adult. You can do whatever you want, right?” He coaxed, staring daggers into her head. “Right?” Y/N hesitantly nodded as he persisted. “Which means you can take care of yourself. So why need me at all? Why do I have to bend over backwards to do everything in my power to make sure not a hair on your head gets hurt?”

“Jay-”

“I’m doing everything I can to keep you safe,” he said. “But guess what? You aren’t the only one telling me that I’m being unfair. Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jungwon- all of them. I don’t want to know why they have a sudden interest in you and the way I treat you. But call it peer pressure. I was being convinced. And not two weeks, you find a way to make me regret being nice to you.”

“So you only put effort into being a better brother because of them?”

“No, Y/N. Everything I did was so I could call you a sister. So that you could look at me like I’m your brother. Not some monster that locks you up in your room all day,” he insisted, slamming the cutlery in his hands onto the table. “Can you blame me for being angry that you and Jake have your thing going on?”

“No.”

“What am I going to do when you have a falling out? What am I going to do if Jake, my right-hand man, my best friend, is the reason you get hurt?” He retorted, eyes squinting. “I can’t abandon him. Neither can I abandon you, can I?”

“What if we don’t have a falling out?” With the sudden surge of confidence, Y/N spoke back, head tilting at her proposal.

“Funny thing is, Jake said the same thing,” he scoffed. Like on cue, Jake was walking into the kitchen. The fear in his eyes covered by the clench in his jaw and fisted hands. Jay and Y/N turned their heads to look at him. “You did say that, didn’t you, Jake?”

Jake nodded, training his eyes on Jay as Y/N willed herself not to cry. Everything was going to be fine.

“But that’s the thing. Who are you to predict what might happen in the future?” He pursued. “It’s always best to prepare for the worse, right?”

“But why?” Y/N whispered. “Nothing bad will happen- Jay, I like him,” she reasoned. The girl might as well burst into sobs as she pointed between Jake and herself. “You and him are the only people I have in my life.”

“I know,” Jay growled. “That is what leads me to my conclusion.”

Jake and Y/N shared glances, both scared and confused. “What’s your conclusion?” Jake urged.

Silence was what followed as Jay continued eating. All Y/N and Jake could do was stare and wait patiently. This was their punishment, the silence that followed the verdict. The numerous thoughts and possibilities that conjured in their heads.

What could possibly happen now?

The sound of metal clattering with porcelain seemed to be the only distraction. Y/N fought the urge to coax him, force an answer out of him because she swore if she waited any longer, she’d go crazy.

Jay even stood up and kept his plate in the dishwasher. He cleared his throat, dusted his shirt and ran a hand through his annoyingly bleached blonde hair. He glanced at his sister and his right-hand man and gave them a curt not.

“You can do whatever you want.”

Y/N gaped, her jaw might as well have hit the floor, eyes involuntarily widening as she started her brother up and down. It was safe to say Jake gave the same expression, hands hovering in front of him.

“What?” Y/N asked.

“I’m furious,” Jay reminded the pair, the same stoic expression on his face. “But I’ll allow it. You’re so confident in yourselves, right? So be it, I’ll let you two live it down. Call this a test. I was just trying to see if you’re answers would stay the same.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jake stared, stepping closer to Y/N.

“I am being serious,” Jay said simply. “I accept this relationship,” it took every muscle in his body not to cringe.

Then Jay walked out of the kitchen because he didn’t know what he would do if he continued the conversation. Y/N and Jake were left frozen in their spots. They were still confused, puzzled at what just happened. So there was no storm, Y/N thought to herself, and he raged for so long just because he was mad.

Would it be appropriate to cause after her brother and hug him? Probably not the right timing.

She knew how much Jay had to suppress to let out the words he just said. So all she could do was be grateful. Her mouth only closed when Jake touched her chin with his fingers. She blinked, shaking her head and looking at Jake.

“What just happened?” She asked.

“I think we just got Jay’s blessings,” Jake mused, pulling a chair beside her and collapsing in it. A sigh left his lips, hands resting on the table as he tilted his head towards her.

“How are you so calm?”

“Why would I not be?”

Jake looked back to the prior night when Jay had caught him walking out of her room. He looked back to the way Jay seethed at him and spewed words but the tears that brimmed his eyes were unmistakable. Jay wasn’t just angry, he was giving Jake the protective brother talk.

Maybe a part of him saw this coming. Jay couldn’t do anything to stop it. Well, he could turn to physical force but he wasn’t as cruel as people made him out to be. So he wasn’t worried. He knew Jay would come around to it someday, learn to be happy with the way things turned out.

Because the way things turned out wasn’t so bad, after all.

“What did he say to you?” Y/N’s hand moved to rest on his, thumb touching his knuckles. She moved closer to him; Jake chuckled and placed his hand on her knee.

“Not important,” he assured. “But can we just celebrate? This is the best day of my life!”

[aquaholicsanonymousworld]

Dating John Walker/US Agent Headcannon (SFW & NSFW)

Protective to a Fault: John has a massive protective streak. Even when you’re perfectly capable of handling things, he can’t help but step in — whether it’s someone getting too close at a bar or a rude comment online. He doesn’t always know where to draw the line between caring and controlling, which can cause fights.

Acts of Service Love Language: He’s not big on flowery words or grand gestures, but he shows he cares by doing things: fixing things around your place, cooking breakfast after a rough night, driving you everywhere so you "don’t have to deal with idiots on the road."

Rough Edges: John has a hard time opening up emotionally. He bottles things until they explode — which means your relationship can have intense arguments followed by intense makeup sessions. Over time, he slowly learns to actually talk before things blow up.

Jealousy Issues: He tries to play it cool but fails miserably. Even harmless flirting from someone else gets under his skin. It stems from his insecurities — always trying to prove he's good enough, in every area of his life, including love.

Physical Affection: He’s touchy. Always has an arm around your shoulders, hand on the small of your back, kisses the top of your head when you’re sitting together. His affection is grounding — you always know where you stand with him physically, even if his words sometimes fall short.

Takes You Shooting / Training: Big “if you’re with me, you should know how to defend yourself” energy. Dates sometimes look like shooting ranges or sparring sessions. He gets a little too excited seeing you handle a weapon well — both proud and turned on.

Private Softness: In public, he’s stoic, aggressive, military-man Walker. But behind closed doors, he’s surprisingly soft — likes when you lay on his chest while he absentmindedly runs his fingers through your hair. It’s the only time his mind shuts off.

Dog Dad Energy: Would absolutely get a big, intimidating-looking dog (like a Belgian Malinois) but spoil it rotten. You catch him baby-talking to it when he thinks you’re not listening.

Haunted Past: You have to be patient with his guilt and trauma. Some nights, he’s distant or stuck in his head about the things he's done — both as Captain America and U.S. Agent. He needs someone who can pull him back without judgment.

Ride or Die: At the end of the day, John is ferociously loyal. Once you have his trust, he’s all in — no half measures. He might screw up, but he will always come back, always fight for you.

NSFW Headcanons

Rough by Nature: John is intense in bed. He’s naturally rough — grabbing, biting, leaving marks without thinking twice. He likes seeing the aftermath: bruises, scratches, hickeys. It feeds his primal, possessive side. “Mine,” is a word he grits out often, especially when he’s deep inside you.

Possessive Sex: If someone even looks at you the wrong way, you’re getting dragged home and claimed. It’s not sweet; it’s about reminding you (and himself) that you belong to him. Expect him to go harder, rougher, and longer on those nights until you can barely walk.

Loves Control: Big on dominance. He wants to be the one giving orders, pinning you down, controlling when you come (and how many times). Hand on your throat, wrist pinned above your head — all his favorite positions give him leverage and control.

Praise Kink (But Gritty)L John’s praise isn’t flowery — it’s raw and filthy. “Good fucking girl,” “Taking me so well,” “Look at you, drooling for it.” His voice goes low and growly in your ear, and he gets off on seeing you fall apart because of him.

Frustration Equals Aggression: Bad day? You’re getting wrecked. He channels all his pent-up rage and frustration into sex — which can mean being bent over the nearest surface and taken hard and fast until he’s satisfied. But it’s never careless; he watches your limits carefully, even when he’s feral.

Breeding Kink (Canon-Adjacent): Blame the super soldier serum and his need to "leave a mark." He gets feral about finishing inside you. Talk about him knocking you up, and you’ll see him lose his mind — hips snapping harder, groaning about filling you up until it takes.

Hair Pulling & Manhandling: He’s strong, and he uses it. Pulling your hair back to expose your throat, lifting you like you weigh nothing, flipping you into position without effort — it’s part of the turn-on for both of you. Being completely overpowered by him is addictive.

Oral Fixation: Loves having your mouth busy — whether it’s on his cock or just his fingers shoved past your lips while you’re moaning. It’s about control and watching you get desperate while he stays cool and in charge.

Aftercare King (But Doesn’t Admit It): As rough and possessive as he is, John is meticulous about aftercare. Bathing you, rubbing ointment into your bruises, feeding you water and protein after a particularly intense session. He won’t call it “aftercare” — he just grumbles that you need to “take care of yourself.” But it’s his way of showing love.

Tension Turned Passion: Fights often turn into sex. Shouting, shoving, glaring — next thing you know, he’s slamming you against the wall and kissing you like he’s starved. The line between anger and arousal gets real blurry with him.

[torialefay]

"you've never had someone be this good to you before?"

perv!changbin x fem!reader

✨ synopsis: changbin couldn't help but to offer his services when he found out that the object of his obsessive thoughts had never been properly taken care of.

✨ word count: ~3.2k

✨ warnings: perv changbin, orgasm control, oral (fem receiving); minors DNI 🔞

✨ note: you can pop over to my masterlist & scroll toward the bottom to find the smut request info & prompts. i would love to receive some prompts that aren't strictly fem!reader (but ofc those are welcome too) <3

• you'd been friends for well over a year, yes. so how could you not have known that this entire time, changbin had been watching you?

• it had started as innocent, really. simply watching the way you walked and how your hips moved side to side with each step. he watched the way your shorts would ride up your thighs every time you sat down. he noticed the way your eyes got so big for him each time you raised your head to look up.

• and slowly, it started to drive him crazy.

• in his head, it was only natural- inevitable really. there was no harm in giving you a little bit of extra attention. nothing wrong with that.

• but before he knew it, he was going to lengths he'd never dreamed.

• friendly banter turned into more extreme measures, like him pulling you into his lap. "playfully" of course, and *not* because of the rush he got knowing that your pussy had just been resting so close to him... only thin fabric separating the two of you.

• although he would never admit it to anyone, he'd secretly taken photos of you. any time you were sitting in your chair, legs wrapped behind the chair legs, which made your ass stick out perfectly in his view. any time your top was low-cut enough to make out the lines between your breasts. any time you were innocently sucking up your drink, licking your lollipop, or licking your lips. he always had his camera at the ready, meticulous in making sure the flash had been turned off. he'd never blow his cover so carelessly.

• he'd "accidentally" drop things next to you just so he could bend down close to you and savor the sight as he came back up. your legs... they looked so soft. he wondered if a day would ever come that you would let him touch them... willingly.

• he'd even go as far as to say something spilled in the seat you were about to go to, so he could lay his jacket down for you to sit on and collect your scent for later.

• when he could finally be alone at the end of the day, he'd make sure he had all of his prized possessions out before he got to work on himself. the photos of you pulled up on his phone. his jacket held up to his face so he could take it in as he began to furiously pump his cock. and before he knew it, he was busting everywhere- his body overwhelmed, begging, and wholly giving in to the thought of you.

• but he didn't think that he'd ever be able to *actually* act on his urges... that is, until you'd messaged him one night that you needed help with something. moving some furniture or something like that- he didn't take the time to read much of the text past "hey, is there any chance you'd be able to come over-." that's all he needed to spring up and out the door.

• after taking care of what you needed, he'd hung around on the couch for a chat. he listened to all of your stories. he admired the amount of information that you entrusted to him. and for you, all of this felt like de-stressing in the most natural way.

• after talking vulnerably about past relationships (at this point, you weren't even aware how you'd gotten to this level of comfort), changbin had managed to squeeze out of you a more intimate conversation- one in which you told him you'd never actually been properly eaten out before.

• his brain couldn't comprehend it. someone as... perfect as you? with those few words, he lost it. all inhibition had left his body now that he'd gotten you to this point.

• "i could, ya know? if you want to of course," he said, his heart leaping inside his chest. he was high off of the adrenaline.

• "what?" you almost laughed in both embarrassment and disbelief. changbin was your friend, nothing more. why would he even joke about something like that?... well, unless he wasn't.

• "i said i could eat you out. show you it can feel good... if you want." his voice remain firm and steady.

• "where is this coming from?" you asked, your mind full of confusion.

• "nowhere, i-" he cleared his throat, now the wobbliness beginning to catch up with him. "nowhere. i just never would have thought that you hadn't, uhh.. had that before. i'm sorry if i made you feel weird," he mumbled in a rush, beginning to stand up.

• "no changbin, it's okay!" you held your hand out, motioning for him to stay. "i just... wasn't expecting that i guess? you've been such a good friend to me, i never thought..." your train of thought ran off. "i mean i'm just surprised is all. i don't want this to come between us. a spur-of-the-moment thing," you voiced nervously. you still weren't sure of the situation, so why were you saying this?

• "spur of the moment?" he chuckled, shaking his head with a smile. "you don't know how badly i've wanted you? you've had no clue this whole time?"

• "no..." your voice went shaky. "you never said anything." you looked down, not sure what to do.

• "what should i have said? that i've thought about fucking you every day for months on end? that i've spent my days doing everything i can to get closer to you... to want you so badly to the point that i cannot physically stand it? and to get anything possible from you because it turns me on? is that what i should have said?"

• you were taken aback. "get anything possible? what do you mean?"

• "nothing," he huffed defensively. you could tell that he was trying to calm himself down. you didn't think he meant to scare you. "just drop it. please. i shouldn't have said anything in the first place... but now here we are."

• "but..." you started, taking a moment to collect the words in your head. "but what if i do want it?" you looked up at him with nervous but hopeful eyes.

• changbin could feel his pulse begin to heighten. "say the word then, and i'll show you." he tried his best to contain the smile that so badly wanted to spread across his face.

• turns out, you didn't need to say anything. you put on a shy grin as you nodded your head, signaling your readiness. within a second, changbin was springing up, eager to finally turn his fantasies into reality.

• "okay, we can go slow if you want?" he half-smirked, looking down at you now. he'd never seen a more perfect sight.

• "yeah, i think that'd be good," you said, still a bit shy. you weren't quite sure where to go from here, so you gladly let him take the lead.

• "turn this way for me," he instructed, holding his hand out for you to grab onto. you took it, and he pulled slightly towards himself, helping you to rotate so that your body was now turned toward the front of the couch.

• changbin followed up with a satisfied smile at how well you were listening to him. just like his fantasies.

• "can i?" he asked, running his hand down gently to rest at the waist band of your shorts.

• you nodded, nibbling at your lips in anticipation.

• gently, changbin lowered himself to begin removing your shorts. slowly but with smooth hands, he removed your legs, one by one. he was careful with watching you- he'd studied your face far too well to miss out on any changing expressions he could coax out.

• throwing your shorts to the side, he sank to his knees so that he was now almost eye level with your pussy. suddenly, you felt exposed. intimidated. suddenly not quite sure how you'd gotten here.

• you closed your thighs together tightly, the red embarrassment evident on your face.

• "here, don't be shy," changbin said, sensing your hesitancy. he softly placed each hand on the inside of either thigh, applying slight pressure to move them apart. although you were fighting through the nerves, his gentleness washed over you with a much needed calming sensation.

• you let out a deep breath, not sure how long you'd been holding it in. you wiggled yourself a bit, trying to adjust to the newness of the situation as you settled into your position.

• changbin smiled up at you in return, his eyes endearing yet full of excitement. a sense of fulfillment had his brain clouded over.

• he wasted no time in running one hand up until it found the heat of your clothed core. you could tell that his hand was slightly shaking in his bout of disbelief, no matter how hard he was trying to cover it up.

• you shuddered a bit at the feeling of his thumb lightly grazing you, making momentary contact with your clit. it sent a bolt down your spine from a feeling that you'd been missing for far too long.

• changbin started slowly, rubbing up and down, then left and right, then in small, dredgingly slow circles trying to figure out what you liked.

• and if you were being honest, at this point, even you didn't know what you liked. no one had ever touched you like this before- so softly, so tenderly. every movement felt like it was the best sensation you'd ever experienced.

• changbin tried unsuccessfully to jerk his smile down while looking at the sight of you beginning to grind your hips down onto his fingers. you were silently begging him for even more contact. seeing you like this... it was better than he could have ever imagined.

• "let's take these off?" changbin whispered, pulling slightly at the hem of your underwear.

• you nodded, your mind coming out of its haze. you tilted your head just enough to watch as changbin slid them down with ease. almost as if he'd trained to do this all so perfectly... for you.

• the look on his face when he finally came in contact with your core, now entirely unclothed, was something you would never forget. his jaw dropped a bit, as if he couldn't believe what was in front of him. but following, barely a moment after, was a face full of determination. determination for what?... well you hoped you knew the answer.

• changbin again decided to rest his hands on the insides of your thighs so that he could spread you open as wide as possible. he wanted to see all of you. have access to every last inch. he was going to do this right.

• "you have to tell me what feels good, okay?" he cooed, looking up from in between your legs.

• you gave a bashful nod in response, signaling that you understood.

• carefully, changbin brought his fingers back to you, letting you get used to the feeling of his contact without moving. once he could tell that your tension was gone, he slowly started to rub up and down, one inch at a time. the fact that you were so wet for him almost made a gasp fall from his mouth. but it didn't. he wouldn't let it. he was going to have to fight the urge for now, not wanting you to feel overwhelmed by him so quickly. he wanted to savor every second he'd get with you.

• almost painfully slow, he continued to let his fingers slide along, getting you more and more worked up with each movement.

• it wasn't until he was completely sure that you were ready when he moved to land over your clit, which had been throbbing by this point. he remained calm, drawing gentle and slow circles around you to gage your reaction. as you strain out an inhaled breath, he knew he was right where he needed to be.

• he brought his face down to your core, mentally preparing to hold himself back. he didn't know how you'd respond, but he knew this was his only chance. he placed a few soft kisses on your inner thigh, acclimating you to his mouth. the kisses grew lighter and lower as he picked your leg up, kissing down to your knees as he went. he settled with resting your leg over his shoulder, granting him better access to you.

• just like the first time, he positioned his face at the opposite thigh, taking his time with soft pecks and temptingly letting his teeth graze your skin. he calmly lifted your leg to position it in parallel to the other, effectively caging himself in.

• you took a deep breath as you felt his tongue on your core, licking its way up. he didn't take much time before finding your clit and proceeding to roll his tongue up and down, trying to gage your reaction.

• as you gradually let yourself relax, you leaned into the feeling that he was providing you. you focused solely on his movements and how each of them made you tingle in a different way.

• you almost lost your breath entirely as he began sucking in, making the wildest noises and moaning on the spot once he heard you let out a tiny whine yourself. the tingles that were being sent into your thighs was proof enough that you'd never experienced something that felt like... well, this before.

• your heart skipped a beat each time he nipped at you in your most sensitive spot. slowly, you were burning for him. you wanted to scream out- to beg to him to do it again. over and over. but at the same time, you didn't know how you'd be able to bear it.

• but changbin knew you well. a small smirk crept across his face as he realized what he'd done to you. it only made him want to work harder to please you. to make you understand exactly what he's been working for for all of these months.

• "mmm, feels good?" he hummed into you, sending shock waves that only added to the feeling.

• "ye- yes," you strained out, trying to hold back.

• "you like it when i eat you out, huh?" he pulled off just long enough to give you a short smirk. something about his tone almost caused you to convulse on the spot. you were fighting back the urge to throw your knees together entirely.

• "yes," you whined now, grinding down onto his tongue as you went. you wanted so badly to let go.

• "mmm, are you gonna cum for me?" his voice rang out, darker now.

• you reflexively bucked your hips. this was exactly what you needed to spiral. you felt your toes begin to tingle, preparing to lose yourself.

• "yes, -fuck!" you arched a bit, feeling a particularly sharp jolt. "fuck, i'm gonna cum, i'm gonna cum-"

• "no you're not," he stated, fixated on your pussy with his lips still attached. "need you to keep going. cum when i tell you to."

• your eyes shot open. no? what did he mean no? you knew you weren't going to be able to hold it back. this was a side of changbin you'd never seen before.

• as the sensation built, a tear started to build up in the corner of your eye. this was too good. too too good. your legs were beginning to shake already. this was getting to be too much.

• as changbin's eyes came up to connect with yours, you were sure you were gone. you quickly threw one hand down to his hair, pushing his face further into you, while the other hand gripped tightly to the blanket next to you. you watched the tiny smirk in his gaze as you threw yourself down onto him.

• "please, please," you moaned, louder than you'd intended. "please, i'm gonna cum. i have- have to."

• "mmm? you've never had someone be this good to you before?" was all that he responded with, sending the vibrations along with it.

• "please," you cried. "please, i-- OH FUCK," you yelled one last time.

• the joints in your hand began to ache, giving in to the pressure put on it from bunching into the cushions around you.

• this was it. whatever he said, you weren't going to be able to hold it off any more. this was all you could take.

• noticing your shift, changbin smiled. "you can cum now, princess." his tongue returned once more to your clit, holding his lips taut to you. "cum on me right now," he ordered.

• finally, you were able to relish in the quick bolts that were shooting up from the bottoms of your feet and into your core.

• you couldn't stop yourself from yelling out, sending changbin into doing the same

• moans sang out in choirs, each hitting its note precisely as instructed. your hips moved accordingly, trying to ride out your full high, but trembling in the process.

• this was bliss. pure and utter euphoria like you'd never experienced before. in a jolt of a moment, your neck shivered, feeling a tingle working it's way up your spine. and before you knew it, your brain caught up to the feeling, blanking out and turning to static.

• your body reflexively arched, losing control of itself entirely. it was now a slave to the feeling that changbin was giving you. your body reacted to him like he was the only man in the world. and maybe now, to you, he was.

• fighting to finally throw yourself off of him, you wanted to cry. you never knew it could feel this good- so all consuming, so deep. to feel totally and completely taken care of.

• it was then, in your shaking, quivering state that you realized that a few tears had actually been spilled out. you took deep breaths, wiping your eyes as quickly as you could.

• as your mind slowly started to return, you couldn't believe what you'd just experienced. your body was spent. your brain was spent. you didn't know what you could possibly say or do at this point. it's as if you weren't even in the world.

• changbin snaked himself up slowly, wrapping his arms around yours in an attempt to sooth you. "was it okay?" he asked, the tiniest bit of pride in his voice.

• you couldn't help but to laugh in response. "yeah," you blinked as you sniffled. "yeah, i think it was okay."

---------------------

✨ if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

✨ i promise y'all, one day i will figure out which formatting i like the best & then i will stick to it. i have problems 😭

[diamjem]

mastermind

pairing: sebastian sallow x f!mc

summary: sebastian’s attempt to bend the situation to his favor backfires as he realizes he’s been expertly played by the one person he thought he could outsmart.

word count: 4.6k

warnings: manipulator x manipulator, possessive!sebastian, sebastian has questionable morals, garreth weasley is a menace, some swearing, no use of y/n

a/n: this is far from my best work buttt i’ve been sick for the past few days and honestly i think just putting something out there will make me feel better no matter how dogshit it is :pp i was planning on making something romantic for valentines but… everytime i write sebastian he just fully takes over so idk have some slightly unhinged seb!!

[ao3] [wattpad]

they say all’s fair in love and war.

sebastian lived by that adage—bled by it, burned for it. for him, there’s no price too steep, no means too outrageous to attain his ends. he has never been above a desperate measure or two when it came to those he held close.

and most especially, when it came to her.

the vial felt cold between his fingers, condensation beading against the glass as he turned it in the candlelight. the liquid inside shimmered faintly—murky as mud, but somehow heavier, clinging to the glass in slow, syrupy waves. it looked like poison. probably tasted like it, too. to be honest, he didn’t trust it. hell, he didn’t even trust himself right now. and trusting garreth weasley? that was its own brand of lunacy.

he could still turn around, hand it back to garreth, pretend he’d never even considered it. walk away, save whatever was left of his dignity. it wasn’t a horrible idea—actually, part of him knew it was the smart one, but before he could think twice, the vial was snatched from his fingers.

“oi—give that back!” sebastian snapped, lunging for it.

garreth held it just out of reach, smirking. "not so fast, sallow. before i hand this over, i need some confirmation that this is for a harmless cause. i refuse to be implicated in whatever questionable scheme you’ve cooked up this time."

sebastian cursed under his breath. his patience—what little he had—was wearing thin, and garreth knew it. the redhead had always been insufferably good at needling people, and tonight, it seemed, sebastian was his latest amusement.

he exhaled sharply through his nose, forcing himself to unclench his fists. he hated this. hated being on the back foot, hated that garreth was right to be wary, hated that he didn’t even have a decent excuse to offer.

because it wasn’t harmless. and he damn well knew it.

“i don't see how that's any of your business.” sebastian argued. “you don't see me asking why you have a polyjuice potion of the head boy, do you?"

garreth arched a brow. "see, that’s the thing. when i’m the one providing the suspiciously illicit potion, i’d say it is my business." he made a show of shaking the potion mere inches from sebastian’s nose. "take it or leave it, mate."

sebastian clenched his jaw so hard it ached. he didn’t want to explain himself—didn’t want to lay his cards bare—but he wanted that damned vial more.

"fine," he bit out. "let’s just say fawley’s got something of mine and i intend to get it back."

garreth's smirk sharpened, green eyes gleaming with intrigue. "oh? now that’s interesting. do tell, sallow."

sebastian crossed his arms. "no, i think that's plenty information.”

"right, well. seems you don’t need my services that badly.” garreth twirled the vial between his fingers and turned on his heel with an exaggerated sigh. “goodnight, then.”

"wait—alright, fine!" sebastian exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face. “he started courting her." his throat tightened around the words, and he hated how they tasted. "i need to put a stop to it. get them to break up by pretending to be him.”

garreth froze mid-step, then turned back slowly, his grin widening like a cat who’d just caught the scent of something truly entertaining. sebastian cursed himself, knowing there's no going back anymore. "merlin’s bloody beard, this is brilliant. so let me get this straight—you're out here spiraling because some poor unsuspecting sod caught her eye instead of you?”

sebastian's glare darkened. "say it again, and i swear i’ll knock your teeth in."

garreth, the bastard, just laughed. "and here i was wondering when you’d step in and do something about it.” he then leaned in, feigning concern. "but, say, have you considered simply talking to her instead of, y'know, committing identity fraud?"

sebastian rolled his eyes. "are you giving me the potion or not?"

garreth hummed, weighing the vial in his palm like he was actually considering it. "hm… i don't know. this has the makings of a true masterpiece, and i do love a good bit of drama… so tell me, sallow, what’s the plan? break her heart, then swoop in to comfort her?”

sebastian exhaled sharply, rubbing the heel of his palm against his temple. "something like that."

garreth barked out a laugh. "merlin’s sake, mate, you’re actually insane. your possessiveness truly knows no bounds, huh?”

sebastian shot him a withering glare but didn't rise to the bait. it wasn’t exactly a secret to anyone who cared to notice that he’d staked his claim on her—not in the sense that she was some prize to be won, but in the way the sun belonged to the sky, in the way the tide belonged to the moon. some things were simply meant to be; unspoken but undeniable. and merlin help the poor bastard who thought he could rewrite the stars.

see, sebastian’s jealousy wasn’t just a petty thing. it was greedy. cunning. dangerous. a monster that curled in his chest, waiting to sink its teeth into anyone who got too close. whispers behind his back called him reckless, obsessive, unhinged—as if he didn't already know. but he would let them talk. let them sneer. none of it changed the fact that he belonged there, belonged to her. and if some git had the audacity to threaten his place… that was a subliminal declaration of war if there ever was one. talk about putting a big, glowing target on your back.

and unlike hector fawley, garreth knew better than to stand in sebastian’s way. he shook his head before tossing the vial back to sebastian. "that will last you about fifteen minutes.”

sebastian caught it, rolling the cool glass between his fingers. "and you’re sure this will work?"

"as sure as i am that this is a terrible idea," garreth quipped. "love really makes one batshit crazy.”

sebastian scoffed, the edge of irritation sharp in his voice. “for your sake, i’ll pretend you didn’t say that.” he paused, his gaze hardening. “now, what do i owe you?”

garreth only grinned wider. "believe it or not? nothing, mate. i just can’t wait to see how this blows up in your face."

that sounded ominous, but honestly, sebastian didn’t care anymore.

a man does what he must when faced with war. he strategizes, he sacrifices, he does the unthinkable, and most of all, he doesn't hesitate. and love—well. that was just another battlefield. one he’s willing to fight dirty to win. one that wasn’t waged with swords or spells, but with glances that lingered too long, with stolen moments and whispered promises, with the slow, agonizing realization that someone else might take what should have been yours.

and in matters of love and war, you played to win, or you didn’t play at all. best believe, sebastian wasn’t about to lose.

—

the plan was perfect—at least, on parchment.

owl her, pretending to be fawley. keep it short, keep it cold—we need to talk, something vague enough to plant the first seed of doubt in her mind. ask her to meet somewhere public. specifically, central hall, right in the thick of a bustling school day. and then? under the effects of polyjuice, break her heart. loudly. cruelly. make sure it hurts.

she’d run. bolt before anyone saw her break, before she let a single tear fall where someone could see. and that was where he—as sebastian—came in like a knight in shining armor. he would be would find her, offer comfort. a steady hand. a soft voice. because unlike fawley, he wouldn’t leave her shattered and alone.

and then, as a final, satisfying touch—he’d defend her honor by beating fawley into a bloody pulp on the ground. though that last part wasn’t strictly necessary in the grand scheme of things, but let’s be honest—he already had it coming just for even entertaining the thought of taking her from him.

to anyone else, he probably sounded insane. and maybe they were right. but to sebastian? this was restraint. the merciful option. honestly, they should be grateful because he could have done worse. salazar, he'd thought about worse. if he fired on all cylinders, this castle would be ash by sundown.

he’d let anyone be collateral damage—even her own feelings—as long as it meant she’d be right back where she was meant to be. in his arms. he hated how easy it was to justify. hated that he could twist his own cruelty into something almost noble if he looked at it the right way. but guilt? it was a small price to pay compared to the fear of losing her.

sebastian is machiavellian, sure—but borne out of devotion. not out of some cold, detached ambition. and if he has to play the villain to keep her, then he’ll sharpen his claws and bear his teeth with pride. he would ruin everything—everyone, if that’s what it took, and he would call it love.

because, really, how many people in the world were willing to own that? to strip themselves bare and confess, i will ruin and be ruined for you?

only sebastian ever could.

so he stood there, hidden beneath fawley’s face, his heart a twisted knot of triumph and disgust. the polyjuice had done its work—on the outside, he was hector fawley. his voice, his posture, even the sharp, self-righteous smirk he wore like a second skin.

"think about it. a head boy like me and a delinquent like you?” he let the words sink in, each syllable weighted with contempt. "embarrassing."

he could almost feel the sting as the words landed, could see the hurt in her eyes. he wanted to shed the mask and pull her in now, but no—he needed to stick to his guns. this was war, and he was here to win.

"hector, i don't understand—"

he cut her off, leaning in close as if to inject every syllable with poison. “you don’t understand?” he repeated, the words coated in mockery, dripping from his borrowed lips like a death sentence. “let me say it again, then. perhaps louder so it can get through your thick skull?”

that seemed to pique not only her attention but the crowd’s as well. some slowed their steps, others outright stopped, drawn in like vultures circling something wounded. they knew something was happening, felt the tension thickening in the air like storm clouds. her eyes flicked around nervously, panic flickering behind them like candlelight in a draft. they were waiting. watching. the perfect audience for the spectacle he was about to create.

and still, he didn’t let her off easy. instead, he raised his voice. “you're beneath me,” he said, his words slow and deliberate, sinking deep like a dagger. “and i don't know what i was thinking getting involved with the likes of you.”

the words hung in the air, a brutal weight pressing down on her. he could hear the gasps from the crowd, the hushed murmurs of disbelief. he was doing it. he was winning.

but then, just as the polyjuice potion surged through his veins, he hiccupped—just a small stutter, barely noticeable, but enough to pull his thoughts back into focus. he steadied himself, fighting the sudden wave of nausea threatening to overtake him. his borrowed skin prickled, the shift just barely beginning. his time was slipping now.

“are you telling me you want to end this?” she asked, her voice fragile, shaking.

“exactly,” sebastian shot back, flat, emotionless. a perfect performance that almost made him want to clap himself on the back for. “from now on, stay away from me.”

he could see her lips tremble as she processed the words, and something inside him cracked—a bitter satisfaction. she looked as if the ground had been ripped from under her, just as he’d intended. now, all he needed to do was land the final blow.

it was going all according to plan, until—

“is this some sort of joke?” a voice echoed from the crowd, rising in confusion, breaking the tension. “what’s going on here? everyone, move along now!”

sebastian's stomach plummeted straight to his shoes as he saw hector fawley—the real one—materialized from the crowd like some kind of divine punishment, pushing past onlookers who parted with hesitant confusion. the towering figure of the other fawley loomed in the middle of the chaos, his face a portrait of bewilderment. blimey, even in confusion, he still held the same arrogance that made sebastian’s teeth grind. but this time, his presence wasn’t just an irritation—it was a fatal flaw in a not-so-carefully laid-out plans. merlin’s mercy, he hadn't accounted for this. he’d been so wrapped up in his own mind that he hadn’t prepared for the possibility of fawley actually being here.

her gaze flicked between the two fawleys, her expression caught somewhere between disbelief and growing fury.

this was spiraling. fast. what was supposed to be a game of control—of careful manipulation—was quickly turning into a losing battle.

"what in the great gods’—" hector’s voice broke through the spell of silence. he turned to her now, suspicion darkening his face. "care to explain?"

"i… honestly, i’m just as confused as you are!" she blurted, voice strained with frustration.

sebastian risked a glance at her, and his stomach twisted. her eyes darted between him and the real fawley. hurt had given way to shock, then confusion, then something worse—recognition, as if the pieces started sliding into place at an alarming speed.

then the hiccup came again, more pronounced this time. a brutal, humiliating reminder that it was all falling apart. by now, a rational person would have seen this as the sign to wave the white flag and accept defeat. but sebastian didn’t feel rational (and let’s face it, he never really was). in fact, he didn’t feel anything but the burning, anxious thrum of his own heart as it pounded in his chest, each beat a countdown to the inevitable.

so he did what any desperate man with nothing left to lose would do.

he turned on his heel and bolted.

his legs moved of their own accord. he could hear fawley losing it behind him—hysterics bubbling up in a strange mix of confusion and anger. even the crowd was erupting into louder murmurs, the whispers now carrying an edge of amusement. the spectacle had officially crossed the line into absurdity.

as he shoved past the crowd, garreth’s voice rose, mimicking the sound of an explosion. the bastard was standing off to the side, his eyes twinkling with an amused, knowing look. garreth's chuckle grated against sebastian’s nerves, his blood boiling in a wave of hot frustration.

sebastian didn’t waste a single moment looking back at him, but he could feel the presence trailing behind him, like a shadow, reveling in the disastrous unraveling of his grand design. the worst part of this whole thing? garreth had been right—this had blown up in his face. and garreth weasley was never right.

“damn, sallow, you almost had me rooting for you there,” garreth teased with a grin, his voice dripping with amusement. “bit of a letdown, really.”

the words landed like a slap, sharp and stinging, but sebastian refused to give garreth the satisfaction of a reaction. his pride was already bleeding out on the floor—he wouldn’t let weasley dance on its grave. instead, he found the first door that promised escape, his hand closing around the handle with the desperation of a drowning man grasping for a lifeline. he yanked it open and slipped inside, the door slamming shut behind him with enough force to send dust swirling in the dim light.

sebastian leaned against the door, his chest heaving as he closed his eyes for a moment, a brief flicker of relief coursing through him. he could still feel the heat of the polyjuice potion lingering in his veins, its effects starting to wear off, but he didn’t have time to savor the victory. he could already feel his form shifting back, the muscles and bones rearranging as his true self began to resurface.

okay, so the plan wasn't perfect. there were a few hiccups—literally and figuratively. it was pathetic, really, how quickly he went from meticulous mastermind to panic-stricken fugitive in the span of a few seconds—no. he knew better than to get lost in the failure of the moment. he’d played his cards, but sometimes the hand you were dealt didn’t lead to victory.

this battle might’ve been lost, but the war? that was still his to win. he would just have to think of another plan...

sebastian exhaled sharply, forcing his mind to settle. he needed to think—to sort through the wreckage and figure out his next move. but before he could, a voice—her voice—filtered through the wooden door, muffled but unmistakable.

“sweet merlin. please don't tell me you had something to do with this, garreth."

sebastian’s fingers curled into his robes. he could hear the suspicion in her tone, the way it sharpened at the edges. he didn’t have to see her face to know she was still trying to make sense of the mess he’d left behind, piecing together what had just unfolded like a puzzle with missing parts.

and of course, the absolute menace that is garreth weasley was enjoying every second of it.

“what ever do you mean by that?" came his feigned innocence, all honeyed amusement, the bastard’s grin practically audible.

"that was sebastian, wasn’t it? polyjuice potion?"

sebastian’s stomach lurched.

"where is he? i saw you follow him out of central hall, so don’t try to lie."

garreth hummed. “ah, well, it seems i’ve forgotten which door he went in… perhaps a few galleons ought to help me remember?”

sebastian’s jaw clenched. of course garreth was milking this for all it was worth. he should have known that little gremlin would still find a way to yield return, because why waste a perfectly good scandal when he could wring some profit out of it? and gods help sebastian—if weasley had ratted him out, sebastian might have to start planning out his murder.

then came a groan followed by the distinct clink of coins. sebastian barely had time to brace himself before he heard hurried footsteps, the sound of someone moving with purpose, closing in on his door.

"best of luck, sallow!" garreth called, his laughter trailing off as he strolled away, no doubt relishing the chaos he’d helped unleash.

sebastian had half a second to curse garreth’s name before the door rattled against his back, the force of it jolting him out of his thoughts.

"sebastian, open the door right now or so help me, i will blast this down to bits. you along with it!" her voice was sharp, a warning laced with frustration and fury.

sebastian knew one thing with cold certainty—whatever came out of her mouth was never an empty threat. she spoke in absolutes, in promises etched with fire and steel, just as he himself did.

he sighed, the sound laced with reluctant resignation, his hand hovering over the door handle as if it burned to the touch. each second he hesitated only fed the inferno building on the other side. he had run out of moved to pull from his playbook—no clever wordplay or sidelong smile that could disarm her now.

he opened the door to the very picture of anger, standing before him like a tempest barely held in check. her posture was rigid, her shoulders squared, and her eyes… merlin, her eyes burned with a fire that nearly matched his own—only hers was a righteous inferno, ready to consume him whole. before he could draw a breath, her wand was at his chest, the tip of it pressing against the fabric of his robes, steady and unyielding. it was a silent declaration that she wasn’t here for excuses or half-truths. she wanted answers, and she wanted them now—understandably so.

sebastian might have been playing war, but now he’s face to face with an opponent who plays to win just as much as he does. it would have been almost admirable if it hadn’t been so damnably terrifying.

"explain yourself," she demanded, her voice thick with an edge that told him this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.

“where do you want me to start?" he muttered, his voice a touch more strained than he intended.

“oh, i don’t know, maybe start by explaining why you were trying to humiliate me in front of the whole student body?"

he opened his mouth, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “that wasn’t my intention—well, okay, maybe it was, but that wasn’t the point—"

she cut him off with a sharp look, her eyes flashing with something close to disbelief and fury. "oh, really? what, then, was the point, sebastian?"

there was no easy way to say it, but the truth, raw and unpolished, slipped out. "i wanted to break you up."

the silence that followed was suffocating. she dropped her hand to her side, her brows basically shooting up to her hairline. and then—merlin, he couldn’t have prepared for it—she laughed, a sharp, ringing sound that echoed off the walls, and for a moment, sebastian couldn’t tell if it was the laughter of someone in disbelief or the kind that hid mockery.

“that’s what this was about?” she said through gasps, her voice laced with incredulity. “and here i thought i was a victim of another one of your horrendous pranks.”

“congratulations, sebastian. you’ve set a new record—what, a week? a week before you chased another suitor off. ominis bet me five hundred galleons you wouldn’t last a month… of course i had faith in you—" she smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. "but i should’ve known better.”

sebastian stood there, his breath stuck somewhere between a laugh and a curse. his stomach twisted itself into knots, a sick, tangled mess of emotions he couldn’t quite name. embarrassment? anger? hell, maybe both. maybe neither. it was all bleeding together, one big, ugly blur of what the fuck just happened?

and she wasn’t done yet.

“with such an elaborate scheme too. but did you really have to do it in front of everyone?” she tsked, her voice laced with mock disapproval, like a mother scolding a misbehaving child. “honestly, sebastian. i’ve half a mind to hex you into next week for that.”

he swallowed hard, struggling to keep up. “alright—now i’m confused. you bet on me with ominis?”

“hey, mind you, i bet for you,” she corrected, lips curving into a knowing little smirk. “ominis was the one betting against you.” a lazy shrug, as if that somehow made this less insane. “and honestly? i’m glad i lost. i was starting to miss you.”

“oh, please. like you weren't having a grand old time with fawley.” sebastian argued, trying to grasp back any semblance of control.

her lips quirked into that small, almost pitying smile, the one that always made him feel like the punchline of some joke he hadn’t even realized was being told. “oh, you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” she said breezily, as if the words themselves were nothing more than idle chatter, a passing thought. “he ended it with me right after you ran away.”

“and when you think about it, it’s actually kind of sad for me, isn’t it? being broken up with twice in a single day. in front of a whole crowd, no less. thanks for that, by the way.” she added sardonically.

sebastian blinked, caught somewhere between confusion and something dangerously close to amusement. this wasn’t how he’d envisioned things unfolding—hell, he hadn’t imagined much at all, other than his own selfish drive to drive her to him—but the end result? not too far off. the pieces were shifting in ways he hadn't planned, and yet, he found the outcome strangely satisfying.

his lips quirked, eyes glinting as he tilted his head ever so slightly. “i would say sorry,” he murmured, voice smooth but edged with something sharper, something smug. “but i’m really not.”

“oh, my sweet seb,” she drawled, her voice dripping with that mixture of affection and mockery he was far too familiar with. “i was only with him to make you jealous anyways, just like with any other suitor before him. and let me tell you, it works every time. every time.”

“oh, really?” he shot back, arching a brow, words dripping with challenge. “and what about all those times you came to me, crying your heart out over broken suitors?”

she sighed then, the sound almost condescending, like he was the one who’d missed the most obvious thing in the world. it was as if she pitied him, this strange, delicate sympathy for someone too blind to see the game.

she took a step forward, slow and deliberate, each movement like the winding of a thread pulling him closer. her voice dropped, turning into a low whisper that slid down his spine with the unmistakable chill of danger. "all part of the plan."

a shiver ran through him, and despite himself, he held her gaze. the words hit him with a weight he wasn’t prepared for.

"you’re not the only one who can play this game, sebastian. " she murmured, her voice a honeyed poison that wound its way into his chest, each syllable curling around his heart in a grip he couldn’t escape. "i’ve always been yours, you know that. i just can’t help it if i like to remind you in my own twisted, unconventional ways."

a sick realization crawled up his spine, leaving a cold trail in its wake. he’d been a pawn in her game, manipulated without even realizing it. all this time, thinking he was orchestrating some grand masterplan, when in reality, he was just playing right into her hands.

he should be furious. should be embarrassed. but there was something about the twisted symmetry of it all that made him want to laugh. he’d spent so much time plotting and scheming around her, trying to control the narrative, to bend her to his will. but here she was, doing the exact same thing to him, and what could he do but admire the audacity of it? she had played him just as expertly as he’d tried to play her.

of course this was how it had always been. of course, this whole time, they had been at war all along, caught in a game of endless, tangled power plays, one neither of them had ever truly been willing to admit. a battle of wills and emotions, and somewhere along the way, they'd both fallen in too deep to pull back.

sebastian's eyes darkened, his lips curling into a sly smirk. "you didn’t need to remind me," he said, his voice rough with something between annoyance and reluctant admiration.

she cocked her head, the edge in her voice sharp, but playful. "oh, i think i did. after all, you’ve been so busy pretending you’re the one in control. i thought it was time to remind you who really holds the power here."

sebastian chuckled darkly, rubbing his jaw. "alright, alright, you win.” he sighed, conceding—though only because he was enjoying this too much to end it. “how about a truce?”

she raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "a truce?”

the corner of his mouth twitched upwards as he leaned in, his gaze locking with hers. “no? how about a date, then?”

for a moment, her eyes flared with that unmistakable challenge—the same look he’d seen so many times before, the one that made him feel both like a moth to the flame and the one wielding the match, but it was quickly masked by that teasing, almost predatory smile she always wore when she knew she had the upper hand. when she knew she had him right where she wanted him.

the war was far from over. they both knew that. but, honestly? neither of them would have it any other way.

[temmtamm]

couldddd you POSSIBLY!.!!.!!! do a gravity falls yandere platonic ford which any age with a son!reader? Maybe around the age of 14 or younger. IF NOT THATS COMPLETELY FINE!

or if not that maybe a platonic yandere teen ford and stan with a younger brother?

Hii pookie!!

Friendly reminder once again, I do not do gender specific asks/headcanons!! Check my Gravity Falls ‘Asks Open’ post if anyone has any confusion on what I will/wont do!

As for a parental Ford…let’s see..

Well, at least in my opinion, Ford probably wouldn’t take that care of a child. He can barely take care of himself, let alone a kid.

But, if we are talking after the portal and everything, then I think that might be different.

Once again, Ford doesn’t have much of any parental bones in his body, but he does display more care and affection for the twins than I think he would’ve before the portal. I feel like he had matured and grown a lot through all the dimensions he had been in, and was able to recognize how poorly he was raised.

So, let’s say your home life wasn’t as great either, whether it be something as simple as your father being emotionally constipated, or your family just fights more than ‘normal’ ones, Ford WILL draw parallels to your home and his.

And Ford, after all he has learned, doesn’t want another person to wind up like him; craving validation and praise from others, to the point where he—I mean, you, seek it out from dangerous sources.

So…Ford starts hanging around you more.

He’s very…subtle with it. He knows kids, especially teenagers don’t care for adults getting all up in their business, so he tried to take it slow.

He didn’t expect how closed off you were, however. Your walls were completely up…So, he had to take some extra measures to get some details out of you.

Y’know the fun fact about all the weirdness in Grvaity Falls?? It means that there’s a lot of bugs that can repeat what it hears—So, it wasn’t that hard to sneak one of these copyroaches into your home and listen in on it repeating all that was heard in the home.

All the nasty fights, all the lonesome crying, all the times you’d gush to yourself or your friends on call about your special interests.

Don’t worry, he’s a good dad, he’ll let you keep SOME privacy…Just, a very, very, VERRYY small portion of it.

Slowly, you two start to bond more and more with him becoming more of a father figure to you with how he seems to always know what’s troubling you and the answers you need to hear in that moment…Not to mention, with him not being great with emotions, he tried to win your love with acts of service, such as making you dinner, saving the shoes you like on his DVR, and letting you spend the night at the shack when your parents fight.

Soon, he started to notice you staying at the shack more and more.

And more and more…He couldn’t help but grow discontent with the way your family treats you.

As said before, it doesn’t matter how small the issue is, if Ford had it his way, not a foul word should be spoken in your vicinity. Haven’t they already done enough damage to this child?? Do they want you to grow up in a broken home?!

In fact…He doesn’t think they’re fit to be parents. Not even in the slightest!!

He would be so much better…He’d actually take care of you, and he is smarter than any school they have been putting you in for that matter—All those kids are just so cruel to you, even if you don’t know it yet.

That…actually gives him an idea.

“So…anything happen at school today, champ?” Ford mumbled in his usual low, raspy voice as he scrubbed at the dishes in the sink, his apron still tied around his waist from cooking.

“Uh…Ford?” He didn’t even bat an eye or look up at you as you started to feel queasy, pushing the bowl of soup away from you at the dinner table. “I think the vegetables in this went bad…I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Ford just let out a good, hearty laugh. “Don’t be silly, I made it with all fresh ingredients. Have a look for yourself. Only the best for you.”

You could feel your stomach start to churn and growl, with the sight that greeted you when you looked down at your bowl not making you feel any better.

Was that an…eye?!

…

It’s the same shade as your mother’s.

“O-Oh god..” You bit down on your lip, bile starting to creep up in the back of your throat at the sight…and that’s when the melatonin had started to kick in, making your vision grow spotty. It was hard for Ford to find a dosage of that where it was not only over the required limit for a young teen, but also able to be hidden in food. He did it though. Better that than rat poison for his little baby.

“Aww, oh no? Are you having a stomach bug?? Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better.”

That’s the sick part. He genuinely believes it’s better locked in the shack for you. Why wouldn’t it be?? He’ll spoil you with all the care and love a child deserves, not to mention he will be sure to intellectually stimulate your brain as well.

You’ll see. He’ll be the perfect father for you.

[charliemwrites]

Part 4 of Nikto’s commandments

Content: Sexual Desire, Dissociation, Depersonalization, Codependency, Acts of Service, Masturbation

You moan his name sometimes in your sleep.

Usually just before you wake up, panting and overheated, shooting wide-eyed glances his way. Lying to you would be a sin beyond redemption so he always lets you know that he’s awake. You often apologize, sometimes you assure him you’re alright. It takes him a while to identify the look in your eyes those nights — he was unfamiliar with it even before: guilt.

You feel guilty.

Puzzling out the why of that takes longer still. You’re a mystery to him, ineffable. The way god is supposed to be. Unlike the Christian one, you almost always have a purpose behind what you do, and you’ll answer Nikto whenever he dares to ask. (He’s not going to ask about this.)

He first thought that you were calling for his help in dreamt pain. That your blown out pupils, trembling hands, and flushed face were products of fear and imagined torture.

But then you started to lean into his neck in your sleep, making soft, high noises. Would press your ass into the cradle of his hips, grind against his thigh. Alien as his body is to him now, he can recognize emotion in others. Lust, desire.

Coming to terms that you feel these things for him has been another challenge altogether. (But you are a loving god, a compassionate keeper. The sweetness and mercy and nobility found in the viscera of his world. If there is anything of him worth wanting, you would find it.) If you are attracted to this… vessel he inhabits, who is he to question you?

The guilt, though. That he is still puzzling out.

If anyone should feel guilt, it is him (though he doesn’t, isn’t even sure if he can). Now that you’ve made him more aware of his body, of his desires, there’s a constant buzz of arousal in his blood. For you. He craves you constantly. Your touch, your voice, your scent in his nose. He could suffocate on you.

It’s selfish, it’s sinful. To desire anything of you when you have given him everything and asked for nothing in return. Not even his loyalty, freely given. It is why he could not say yes when you offered to slake his desire; it would have been akin to blasphemy.

Unless.

Unless you have asked something of him.

“Whoa!” A giggle as you tilt your head back to him, amused and curious. “What was that for?”

He feels wooden as he glances down at you. His arm is around your waist, nearly crushing you to him. Hadn’t even realized he moved. You don’t seem to mind, palms light on his forearm. Still looking to him.

He does not answer. Can’t find the words past the panic clawing at his throat. Lets you go slowly, finger by finger. You don’t step away once free.

You say something else. Something about rain maybe? He’s too busy staring at the deft hands you cup around your mouth.

How soft and gentle they are on his skin, skipping over the worst scars. The first thing you always do is touch him. When he’s out of a shower, just changed, climbing into bed, waking up. You reach for him, as if you can’t bear to be parted with the same intensity he feels.

Do you crave to touch him in other ways? Has he denied you, unwitting as it may have been?

It would be one thing to ask anything of you, especially for his own sake. But to give you something… even if it’s such an unworthy offering as himself…

“Nikto?”

His eyes flick down to yours. You smile at him, point at your own temple.

“Busy up there today, huh?” It’s not even a tease, but he feels as if he’s made another misstep.

“Sorry.”

You shake your head, bump your shoulder into his arm. “I’m just checking that you’re alright.”

“Alright” being relative. He objectively understands that he is broken and damaged. That he does not operate at full capacity all — or even most — of the time.

But with your help he’s established a baseline, a “normal.” Something to measure his body, and more importantly his damaged mind by.

“I am… alright,” he decides finally. “Just thinking.”

“Okay,” you answer, easy as that. “If you want to talk, I’ll listen — but you don’t have to.”

You don’t have to is your favorite thing to say to him. He would laugh if he remembered how.

He grunts an affirmative and follows you to wherever you’re headed next.

—

That night, your ankle is hurting. Nothing serious, you assure Nikto. Just rolled it a bit. You promise it just needs rest, low level painkillers, and a bit of elevation.

Nikto is unpracticed at care. For all he practically lives in your pocket, medical care is unusual for you. He spends so much time keeping you safe, protected, alive and unharmed. He has little direction when it comes to your discomfort.

Luckily, you provide direction in spades.

“Two pills from the bottle with the red cap and a glass of water please.”

His cock twitches hard. Fills out almost dizzyingly fast in the confines of his tac pants.

He fetches both for you, holding each in turn as you pluck the pills from his hand and sip the water. You sigh gratefully and tell him to set the glass on the nightstand. Another bolt of pleasure to obey, while you like droplets from your bottom lip.

“Can you grab my computer and the charger? I want to watch something before bed.”

He brings them, stands waiting while you fiddle with it. Waiting for another request. He’s achingly hard now. Throbbing in his underwear.

“Oh! Hairbrush too, please?”

When he hands it to you this time, hand almost to the point of shaking, you give him a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry, I keep making you run around.”

“Don’t be.” His voice is gruff, but it so often is that you don’t seem to find anything amiss. “More?”

“Ah… well, if it’s not too much trouble, could you grab the extra blanket? It’s cold tonight.”

He tries to pace himself. To balance the pleasure of obeying against the speed of completing the task. You hum in delight as he drapes it over you — a fluffy monstrosity of a thing. Utterly decadent, he’d never even entertain the idea of having one. But you deserve a dozen of them if you wanted them. He’d retrieve them now for you if only you asked.

(He wishes you would ask.)

He is harder than he ever remembers being. (Granted, there are many gaps in his memory, even now. But there is enough there to know this is true.)

“Okay that should be the last thing for a bit.” You’re looking away and don’t see the minute deflation of his shoulders. He’s nearly panting. “Come snuggle in?”

“In a moment,” he says, surprising himself. You seem a bit (pleasantly) surprised too. He’s never denied you anything for even a moment. But if he sits next to you now…

“Ah, gotcha,” you say when he turns for the bathroom.

You start playing whatever tv show you have queued up to offer him privacy. He closes the door after himself and for the first time since regaining his freedom, takes himself in hand.

First | Previous | Next

Masterlist

[231025]

How BTS are as husbands?

*disclaimer and follow-up questions

ksj: provider, materialistic, at times emotionally distant, showy, possibly insecure despite material success, tense, a little restrictive/conservative, uncomfortable leaving comfort zone, likes following a repetitive life style, emotionally lukewarm, harmonious, focused on mutual understanding, caring/nourishing (doing services for his spouse), capable of giving and receiving love in equal measure, good at making his spouse feel heard and valued, cares about making his home welcoming and cozy, good at understanding his spouses needs, genuine, can be quite gentle and soothing, comforting yet unpredictable, introspective, sometimes hard to understand

myg: struggles with regulating his emotions - he's often out of touch with his feelings, might be erratic or unbalanced at times, not very expressive, often emotionally closed off -possible prone to mood swings, a bit disorganized, high maintenance and sensitive, always looking for new opportunities (work/success), a workaholic who flees to work to avoid uncomfortable situations at home, unconventional and open minded, willing to understand his spouses pov - he needs someone who is good at communicating their thoughts and opinions, challenging the norms, assertive, likes discussing and "arguing", needs mental stimulation, the type to seek the high of social interactions without offering genuine emotional depth, he likes isolating himself at times and he can behave very indifferent to many things - needs someone who also likes having their own space and times

jhs: always committed to fairness and balance in the relationship, has his own morals and principles he follows sternly, has discerning eyes and pays attention to details, acts and dresses more formal and conservative once married, a bit authoritative but not oppressive, likes leading the relationship, trustworthy and stable, always tries to be as objects as possible and tries to make well-considered decisions for both, affluent and independent, likes enjoying the fruits of his own labour together with his spouse (he finer things in life, good food, presents, trips etc), well-groomed and refined, confident but not imposing, good at making investments, responsible and sensual! nostalgic who cherishes all the memories made together, reassuring and nurturing - going out of his way to make his spouse feel safe and loved, can be too hard on himself and can be harsh sometimes in the way he speaks, might have a bit darker moments (heavy energy) when stressed or under extreme pressure - ending up being sarcastic and bitter, needs someone soft (a fairy!) who can uplift him give him hope, support and warmth in those times

knj: very adaptable, resourceful and skilled and juggling multiple responsibilities while still spending enough quality time with his spouse at home, lively and emotional flexible, good at making creating a sense of stability in the relationship even in turbulent times, very funny, a true problem solver!, might struggle a bit with the family part (whether dealing with his own or those of his spouse or maybe even with his own future kids), parenting is stressing him out!, want to make his parents proud and want his in-laws' approval - it'll be always one of his constant worries - he needs a spouse who can advice him well and can stand right next to him willing to work together - an equal; fairness and equality are very important to him, he makes his spouse feel seen, very diplomatic and well mannered, a gentlemen, a soft authority, stern but kind - especially to his future kids, a bit sentimental who keeps photos and children drawings for many years, warm energy, protective empathetic and understanding, always supporting his spouse in everything they (want to) do

pjm: the type to miss deadlines - inconsistent, often stressed, emotionally scattered and frequently anxious and not the most reliable - making promises he ends up not being able to keep despite his best intentions, not good at investing - his spouse needs to be responsible and able to take on the managing aspects of married life, he brings a lot of joy and emotional richness to the relationship, good at lifting his spouse mood, a bit playful and sociable - likes doing social activities together with his spouse, emotionally generous, grateful and humble, graceful, a networker - the type to go on double dates lol, creating meaningful moments, he can be quite wise and prefers clear communication, well-respected for his insights and advice, firm yet considerate, emotionally independent and capable of deep compassion, focused on learning and growing individually but also together, good at creating a calm and tranquil space (at home and at work), peaceful energy, soft and soothing, reassuring and steady, values rest and practicality - stress is his biggest enemy lol, he can be at times reckless tho and even a bit domineering/authoritative and very stubborn in his darker moments, he is also the type to use his charm (shamelessly) to wrap his spouse around his fingers lol

kth: strategic - always planning for the future, eager for new experiences and opportunities, expansive outlook, optimistic and ambitious, genuinely joyful, humorous - good at making his spouse and kids laugh, a bit of a prankster (and a tease!), charming with his words, well groomed, enjoys traveling together and having deep talk (philosophy), many different interests and a wide-reaching network (him introducing his spouse to all kind of peoples), innovative and inspiring, a personal motivational speaker for his spouse, calm yet rejuvenating energy, the type to avoid conflict, often suffering inner turmoil because he avoids speaking up, potentially passive aggressive, he sometimes tries to keep stuff hidden from his spouse/family or tries to distract his spouse from things, overly cautious at times as well as indecisive and hesitant to take necessary steps to move forward in the relationship and also in life in general, a bit disorganized, a procrastinator, materialistic - likes to indulge in the finer things in life but at times excessively ex. neglecting his responsibilities, a reckless gambler, very much focused on amassing wealth and luxuries as well as on his image/reputation, potentially emotionally distant, greedy and/or manipulative at times, tendency to make interactions feel more like a business deal rather than a genuine human interactions

jjk: deeply connected with himself/his inner world, always seeking harmony and making important choices from the heart, equally values the emotional and the physical aspects of the relationship, alluring and soulful with magnetic charm, soft yet confident energy, gentle and sincere, passionate and sensitive to the feelings of his spouses (and kids), strong intuition - sensing his spouses needs and desires, excels at expressing his feelings and understanding his spouses cues, good at negotiating and finding common ground, very generous - with finance, time and emotionally support, well dressed and elegant, emotionally stable and always making his spouse feel cared for, someone who can be counted upon, thoughtful and well-organized, introspective and discerning, leading the relationship and initiating things between them, long term strategist, focused on his and his spouses' well-being, very grounding - making his spouse feel at home and giving them strength, a bit mischievous, but very resilient

i think our virgo boys together with hobi are pretty high up there in the 'good husband ranking' lmao - what do you think?

tbh jimin and yoongi are not the most comfortable in the husband role but that doesn't make them bad partners - they all will have spouses that match well with them and their good and bad traits - they all balance each other out ♡

[cjrae]

Stunted Love. Or: The Theme of MaoMao's little finger.

Maomao's little finger is a recurring motif in the Apothecary Diaries, and it receives even more emphasis in the anime's first season - it represents her belief that romantic love leads to pain and destruction. Spoilers primarily for the anime, but also the epilogue of light novel four and Chapter 15 of light novel six below.

Love In A Cage

The motif is first introduced in "The Unsettling Matter of the Spirit" - Concubine Fuyou's story. Maomao has already noted the parallels between the red light district and the Inner Palace, but here we see what happens when romantic love is introduced into the mix. On paper, Concubine Fuyou is a literal object of pity. Her personhood is being gifted to an officer who recently distinguished himself on the front lines, discarded after having failed to please the Emperor. It's telling that this is one of the first times we see Jinshi interacting with a consort where he is completely serious, without bringing his charm to bear. We never hear him say anything, but it's clear that he's communicating the Emperor's order with respect and understanding the gravity of the consequences for Fuyou.

As the events of the episode unfold, the parallels between courtesans and consorts get stronger as Maomao introduces the concept of having a contract bought out - if a man wants a courtesan enough, she is also an object to be purchased, albeit at potentially astronomical price. At first glance, it would seem like these women have absolutely no power in these scenarios - but by the end of the episode, Maomao shows us the feminine side of this transaction - how a woman can manipulate the system she is trapped by in order to get what she wants. All she has to do is lower her value - a rather counterintuitive measure that can go horribly wrong all too easily, as we see later.

And what Concubine Fuyou wants is to escape the Inner Palace to be with the man she loves - a task that she succeeds at. She has played a long, patient game in the service of freedom. Trapped in the cage of the Inner Palace herself, Maomao holds her scarred finger against the freedom of the sky and wonders what kind of medicine love would make.

Devotion

We see further flashbacks to Maomao's past through multiple episodes, but the next time the concept of love is brought up is when Fengming is confessing her role in the death of Consort Ah-Duo's baby in "Honey" (episode 11). Maomao is brought up short by Fengming's confession - she flat out says to the audience that she's never loved anyone with that depth of devotion Fengming displays toward Ah-Duo, so she doesn't know how Fengming feels. But if she doesn't have empathy to offer, she does have a rough kindness. Another person might have said that Ah-Duo deserved to know why her son died, that the knowledge might have provided closure. Maomao, however, believes that knowing the baby's cause of death would only cause more pain (it's never the crime and always about the cover-up) without providing any actual benefit.

With these two episodes framing her early character development we see that, whatever Maomao's natural inclinations are (and I will leave discussion of neuro divergency to those better qualified to discuss it), there is a certain distance between Maomao and her emotions most of the time. It is implied that this distancing from her emotions is a trauma response as the image of a woman holding a knife above her head while kneeling on a bed is shown but not explained (it is the only recurring image during the montage before the discussion about her potential execution with Jinshi).

Lakan and Fengxian

In "Lakan" (episode 18) the motif begins recurring more often as Maomao's parentage is revealed. We've caught glimpses of the sick woman in the annex before, but as the camera pans over the bed, it's clear that this is Maomao's mother (as always in anime, the hair is a dead giveaway). We've seen Maomao in this room, always curled in a fetal position, staring with blank eyes, but here we see Maomao actually caring for a woman who she describes as driving her out over and over again. The camera's focus is on Maomao's eyes as she watches her mother continuing to deteriorate - they're blank yet again, echoing her earlier line of "This is stupid. She's gone."

This is not the look of a girl who genuinely doesn't care about her mother. The image of her mother with the knife upraised is straight out of recurring nightmares that wake her gasping with terror and continue to haunt her after she's returned to work. While there is no AFFECTION involved, there are certainly very strong emotions here. Later, in the bath with Meimei, Maomao wonders if Meimei's in love - and immediately shies away from the thought, insisting that "love is an emotion I'm sure I left behind in the womb."

Interestingly, this is immediately belied as the Three Princesses (the women who took on the maternal role that her mother discarded) begin to pamper Maomao in the bath, and she relaxes into their touch, flushed with belonging and pleasure at their attention.

Confrontation

In "Blue Roses," (episode 22), everything has built to a head. By hiding Maomao back into the Rear Palace, Jinshi is acting as her shield - and Lakan responds with a power play. Both he and Jinshi are aware that Lakan knows his true identity, so Lakan provokes Jinshi with a political test. "Nothing is impossible" for a man with Jinshi's power - so providing some blue roses at a garden party in early spring should be simple, right? It's a near impossible task and Lakan knows it - even if Jinshi were to figure out how to dye the roses to be the appropriate color, they're still out of season.

Up until now, Maomao's response to Lakan has been to hide. But, with Jinshi's reputation on the line and seeing how worn out he is, Maomao has finally had enough. So she takes Lakan's challenge on and, while she's in the process of growing the hothouse roses so that Jinshi can best Lakan, she diverts unwanted attention from the Crystal Palace's handmaidens by showing Xiaolan how to do a manicure - something that draws attention to the deformed pinky on her hand and changes her perspective of the damage to the finger.

The art should be paid attention to here - we see close up shots of two other people's hands after having the manicure done - Xiaolan and Consort Lihua. In both of these shots, there's some subtle detail paid to their little fingers as well - Xiaolan's is ever so slightly crooked rather than perfectly straight, while Lihua flexes her fingers so that the pinky is extended as she looks at her hands. In the next shot, Maomao has done her nails as well - and when Jinshi draws attention to the fact that he's surprised she would do her nails (like Hongiang, Maomao usually prefers work over fashion), she looks at the finger and remarks that, even though her little finger is twisted and scarred, it looks better than it did before - an acknowledgement that the finger is not actually a hindrance, but a piece of her identity.

Healing

Giving Lakan the opportunity to finally do right by Fengxian is the most grace and forgiveness that Maomao can extend to either of her parents. Their romantic love is certainly sympathetic to an outsider, but Maomao was shaped by the consequences. Lakan's carelessness and Fengxian's willingness to break the rules of the pleasure district in order to deliberately lower her value so that she could be with the man she loved, is the guiding cautionary tale of her life.

But Maomao has also grown over the season. She is neither the terrified little girl, abandoned by mother and father alike (however unintentionally on Lakan's part) nor a teenager full of fear fueled rage at Lakan's persistence. She is Luomen's daughter and proud of that fact - she has found her family and a place in the world. It is with that more adult understanding of the world around her that she dances atop the wall of the Rear Palace, giving her parents the only thing she can, which is her blessing and best wishes for their short future, as she sends her mother off.

Sure enough, who is watching her as she takes a step toward a more mature identity but Jinshi? Other characters have provided a shield between Maomao and Lakan - Verdigris' madam, Meimei and even Luomen. But it is on Jinshi's behalf that Maomao decided to face Lakan herself. She loves her adoptive dad and granny and sisters with all the affection she never received from Fengxian, but Maomao's actions have always spoken much louder than her words - Jinshi protected her and she, in turn, chose to face her childhood bogeyman to help him.

Is it stating the obvious that Maomao tripping and Jinshi catching her is an obvious metaphor for falling in love?

As she dances on the wall, we see the two seemingly disparate sides of her identity coalesce into a whole. The moment she lets down her hair is a uniquely Japanese moment of eroticism (this is why maiko and geisha use the oshiroi that bare the nape of their necks), even as she's also deliberately reapplied her freckles.

The moment she realizes that Jinshi truly sees all of her in a uniquely emotional moment, she trips and is made terrifyingly vulnerable as she nearly goes over the edge - only to be caught safely in Jinshi's arms.

Safely back atop the wall, the little finger comes up one more time - except that this time, instead of looking at the damage inflicted and seeing the scar, Maomao looks at her pinky and shows it to Jinshi, telling him what sounds like a strangely gruesome medical fact. That a fingertip can regrow if cut off. For all the trauma that her biological parents caused her, for all that her pinky will be scarred for the rest of her life, the wound did heal. Maomao has healed - she is capable of friendship, loyalty and love that can inspire devotion - even if she rarely displays open affection.

Love Creates Fear

This motif comes back again, at the end of light novel 4 (what will be the end of Season 2, if the studio continues to stick to two light novels a season for pacing, which I expect they will). Jinshi has officially cast aside his cover as a eunuch and stepped into the political limelight as the Imperial Brother. Maomao, as a result of their adventures, has returned home, to her apothecary shop and, as she works she thinks about how everything has changed.

"Jinshi must have finally gone back to being whoever he really was. Maomao didn't know his real name: she couldn't have used it even if she did. The worlds they lived in were simply too different…Anyway, now that Jinshi was no longer a eunuch, he couldn't get away with keeping some lowborn girl around him…So it was for the best, really, that Maomao had come back to the apothecary's shop in the pleasure district."

As Maomao ruminates to herself about how she will never see Jinshi again, she retreats to what she knows best - medicine. She's got her emotions under lock and key and she's begun experimenting, working on creating a more potent painkiller. However, her pain tolerance is too high to work with her previous methods.

Or, to lay the metaphor bare, Maomao has dealt with abandonment before, but not like this. Her usual methods aren't working - so it's time to up the ante. What she does next is extremely telling.

"'Got to cut deeper if I want to be sure'. Maomao looked at her left hand, then tied some string firmly around her pinky. She stood and took a small knife from a cabinet. 'Here goes!'

Just as she was about to bring the knife down, a beautiful voice interrupted her: 'WHAT are you doing?'

Without a word, she turned to see a man in an unusual mask standing in the entryway of the shop…'Done with all your work?' Maomao asked, undoing the string around her finger and putting the knife back in the cabinet."

The thought that she and Jinshi are now living in such different worlds that they will never see each other again is painful enough that cutting her finger off in a thinly justified experiment is preferable to feeling her own emotions. What Maomao wants in this moment is a return to the emotional numbness of the past - only this time, she will do the damage herself.

But Jinshi is not Lakan and abandoning Maomao for any reason is simply not an option. Just as he caught her on the wall, Jinshi catches her again. A prince is standing in an apothecary shop on the edges of the red-light district, a place where he should not be - except for the fact that it's where Maomao is.

Connection and Communication

Finally, as a callback toward the end of light novel six, Jinshi and Maomao are beginning to reconnect after Jinshi screwed up and lost a lot of emotional ground in light novel five's epilogue, and he does the following.

"She reached out for the package, which Jinshi had put behind his back, but he planted a palm on her belly to keep her from sitting up and she couldn't reach it. She kicked her legs from sheer frustration and this time he grabbed her ankle. She was just trying to decide what he might be planning when he brushed the tip of his pinky finger along the back of her foot.

'Hrk?!' Maomao choked, squirming...The back of her foot, and her back as well, were hopelessly vulnerable to a gentle brush of the fingers.

'M-Master Jinshi...That's...not...fair!'"

While Jinshi is still the instigator in this scene, this is the the first instance of romantic and sexual contact that Maomao accepts, eventually bursting out laughing - and when he gets that laughter, Jinshi also immediately backs off, accepting that he has pushed her as far as she can go right now. But that first contact was via that tiny fingertip representing love.

His hard-learned patience is rewarded when Maomao is finally willing to speak to Jinshi about how she's feeling about his desire to marry her, first obliquely as they discuss the plot of a very familiar tragic romance, before she addresses the issue directly.

"Instead of answering, she murmured, 'I don't want to be an enemy.' Jinshi gave her a sidelong look as if to ask whose enemy she meant. 'To Empress Gyokuyou,' she said.

Would Jinshi understand what she was saying? If not, that was fine, Maomao thought. There were things even he didn't know.

'You - '

He seemed about to ask her something else when a horse whinnied outside..."

Maomao may be hesitant, she may feel very confused, but she finally gives Jinshi something to work with here - communicating to him not that she simply doesn't care about him that way, but that she has a very real, concrete fear about what a romantic relationship with him would mean, not only for them, but for everyone else around them.

That's a lot to balance on the tip of a pinky.

[earthlybeam]

Just some random headcanons i think that fit haldir (my opinion)

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Haldir version below.

🏹𝓗𝓪𝓵𝓭𝓲𝓻

What's their love language? Haldir’s primary love language is Acts of Service, closely followed by Quality Time. As a Marchwarden of Lothlórien, Haldir’s life is shaped by duty, responsibility, and vigilance. These deeply ingrained values influence how he expresses love, as he approaches relationships with the same steadfast dedication and thoughtfulness he devotes to guarding the Golden Wood. For Haldir, love is not simply expressed through fleeting words or grand declarations—it is a consistent, tangible force woven into the small yet meaningful actions that demonstrate his care and devotion.

When it comes to Acts of Service, Haldir shows his love by doing rather than speaking. He believes actions are the truest form of commitment, and his affection manifests in the form of thoughtful gestures aimed at making his significant other’s (s/o’s) life easier and more secure. He is the type to notice their needs before they even voice them—whether it’s preparing a warm cloak on a cold night, repairing a treasured possession, or quietly standing watch while they rest, ensuring they feel safe. His acts are never performed for recognition or praise; they are born out of genuine care and a deep desire to support and protect the person he loves. For Haldir, these gestures are deeply personal. He takes pride in knowing what will comfort his s/o most, whether that’s preparing a meal tailored to their tastes, offering a silent shoulder to lean on after a hard day, or stepping in to handle problems they cannot face alone. His service is a silent promise: “I see you. I care for you. I will always protect you.” It’s how he reminds his s/o, without words, that their happiness and well-being are his priority.

Alongside Acts of Service, Quality Time is equally vital to Haldir’s love language. For someone whose days are often consumed by duty and vigilance, time spent with his s/o feels precious and sacred. Sharing undistracted moments allows him to lower the protective walls he constantly maintains and connect with them on a deeper level. Haldir treasures the rare, quiet hours where he and his s/o can simply be together, unburdened by the outside world. These moments might include walking together through the serene golden woods of Lothlórien, basking in the tranquility of the forest and the soft rustle of leaves overhead. Perhaps it’s sharing quiet conversations beneath the stars, where his guarded demeanor softens, and his words carry rare tenderness. Even moments of silence are meaningful to him—a gentle touch or a glance exchanged between them speaks volumes. He values this undivided attention as a way to nurture their connection and show his s/o that in those moments, they are the center of his world. Haldir’s love language is deeply tied to his character—measured, steadfast, and thoughtful. Through acts of service and time spent together, he conveys a love that is constant and enduring, grounded in the unspoken promise that his s/o will always have a partner they can depend on. For Haldir, love is a quiet, steadfast flame, burning brightly even when unspoken.

How do they view their significant other? Are they the light in their life? Best friend? Savior, etc.? Haldir views his significant other (s/o) as a radiant beacon of light in his often somber, duty-bound existence—a source of warmth and hope that softens the edges of his stoic life. To him, they are far more than a mere companion or partner; they are his anchor, his guiding star, and his reason to return home after the long, wearisome days of patrolling the borders of Lothlórien. In a life consumed by vigilance and the weight of responsibility, his s/o represents the beauty and peace he protects but seldom allows himself to fully enjoy. Haldir’s perception of his s/o is deeply tied to the rare vulnerability they inspire in him. While he is accustomed to leading and standing guard, his s/o becomes the one person with whom he can let down his walls. In their presence, he finds solace and reprieve, as if stepping into a safe haven where he can momentarily lay aside his burdens. They become his confidant—the one person he trusts to share the thoughts and emotions he keeps hidden from the world. With them, he doesn’t have to carry the weight of his responsibilities alone.

Quietly romantic and introspective by nature, Haldir sees his s/o as the embodiment of everything he cherishes most: grace, strength, and the quiet beauty of life that he rarely has time to appreciate. To him, they are a balance to his solitary and guarded nature, a mirror that reflects the softer, more human aspects of himself that he often suppresses. He finds their presence grounding, yet inspiring, as if they are a reminder of what he fights to protect—a symbol of hope in a world that can so easily fall into darkness. Haldir’s love for his s/o is rooted in admiration and deep respect. He marvels at their ability to bring light into his life, whether through their laughter, their quiet understanding, or the way they look at the world with wonder and resilience. He treasures their kindness and strength, often seeing in them the courage and gentleness he strives to embody. To Haldir, his s/o is a precious gift, something both fragile and enduring—a rare source of joy and meaning in a life filled with duty and sacrifice. Though he may not always voice his feelings openly, Haldir’s actions speak volumes about how deeply he values his s/o. He views them as his sanctuary, a partner who not only supports him but helps him see the beauty and purpose in his own life. In their love, he finds the strength to face the uncertainty of the world, knowing that no matter what challenges arise, they are his reason to hope and endure.

How do they act when falling out of love? Falling out of love would not be an abrupt or impulsive event for Haldir. His deep emotional reserve and disciplined nature mean that such a shift in his feelings would be a slow, contemplative process. He is not someone to act rashly or give in to fleeting emotions; instead, if he senses the connection fading, he would likely retreat inwardly, becoming more withdrawn and introspective. He would reflect on the reasons for this change within himself, often questioning the validity of his feelings and searching for clarity before taking any action. Given Haldir’s guarded demeanor, it would not be immediately apparent to his significant other that something has shifted. He would still carry out his duties with precision and care, remaining respectful and considerate, but emotionally, there would be a subtle distance that grows over time. His affection would become more distant, and his attention would shift, not through overt coldness but through a quiet, internal reorganization of priorities.

Though Haldir would not be overtly confrontational about the shift in his feelings, there would be an emotional distance that gradually widens. His partner might notice his increasing silence, less frequent displays of affection, or his tendency to seek solitude more often than before. Still, his innate sense of duty and honor would prevent him from being rude or inconsiderate toward his s/o. He would not lash out, but instead, his actions would reflect a growing detachment—a silent, internal struggle that he bears alone. Haldir’s loyalty and honor would keep him from severing ties hastily. For him, it would take a significant betrayal or a profound misalignment in values to drive him to consciously fall out of love. If he feels that trust has been broken or that there is an irreconcilable gap between them, he would be forced to reconcile these feelings quietly and with great pain. The emotional weight of this shift would not be taken lightly, and he would carry it silently, perhaps turning to the solitude of the woods or other quiet spaces to process the emotional toll. However, despite the fading passion, Haldir’s sense of responsibility toward his partner would ensure he remains protective and respectful. He would not leave without offering an explanation, but the process would likely unfold slowly, with little more than a gentle withdrawal. In the end, his actions would convey that while the depth of his love may have changed, his sense of duty and care for the well-being of his s/o would remain—though the romantic connection may no longer be what it once was.

Will they do anything for their s/o? Will the crocodile tears win them over or are they stubborn on not giving in? Yes, Haldir would go to great lengths to ensure his significant other’s happiness, safety, and well-being—within reason. His devotion is steadfast and his love, once given, is unwavering. He would fiercely protect his s/o, offering both emotional and physical support, and would sacrifice much to keep them safe from harm. Whether it’s braving danger, offering comfort during difficult times, or ensuring their peace of mind, Haldir would prove time and time again that he is a reliable and trustworthy partner. However, Haldir’s deeply ingrained caution and strong sense of duty mean that he does not act impulsively. His decision-making is tempered by practicality, and he weighs every action carefully. While his love is profound, it is not blind or unreasoning. He values integrity, responsibility, and respect in a relationship, and this will shape the extent to which he is willing to go. If his s/o’s request is reasonable, aligned with his values, and does not threaten the stability of Lothlórien or his duties as a Marchwarden, Haldir would go to great lengths to fulfill it.

That being said, he is not easily swayed by emotional manipulation or crocodile tears. Haldir holds steadfastly to his principles, and he does not let guilt or emotional pressure dictate his actions. While he is empathetic and deeply attuned to his s/o’s needs, he does not tolerate behavior that compromises mutual respect or manipulates his affections. His love is not conditional, but it is grounded in a shared sense of honor, trust, and responsibility. For Haldir, true devotion is not about reckless acts of love, but about long-term commitment, support, and a partnership built on mutual respect. He would never act in a way that endangers the well-being of those he loves, nor would he do anything that violates his sense of duty or the values he holds dear. His love is steadfast, practical, and tempered by a quiet strength that ensures it remains enduring, grounded, and honest. In short, Haldir would indeed do anything for his s/o, as long as the request is aligned with his integrity, the safety of his people, and the values he holds sacred. His love is unconditional, but it is not without boundaries or limits.

How do they kiss? Haldir's kisses are slow, deliberate, and profoundly meaningful. He does not rush or indulge in impulsive displays of affection, preferring instead to savor each kiss as if it were a rare and precious moment. His reserved nature means that he does not engage in public displays of passion, but when he is with his significant other in private, his kisses are intimate, tender, and full of deep affection. When he kisses his s/o, Haldir's movements are measured and purposeful. He often begins by gently cupping their face, as if memorizing the contours of their features, or holding them close with one hand resting protectively on their lower back. His touch is warm and reassuring, the sort that speaks of safety and trust. He would never rush through these moments, instead savoring the closeness between them as a way to connect deeply without words. With each kiss, there is a quiet intensity as he expresses his feelings through the simple act of touch, offering a rare window into his guarded heart.

When in public or in the presence of others, Haldir is more restrained offering quick, fleeting pecks to the lips —a gentle brush of affection that does not draw attention but still conveys his fondness. These kisses are soft and respectful of the space between them, as he knows the importance of maintaining composure when around others. However, even these brief pecks are filled with meaning, offering a quiet promise of affection that lingers long after the moment has passed.

In private, however, Haldir allows himself to fully immerse in the act of kissing. There is no rush when they are alone together. He pulls his s/o close, his hands gently resting on their hips, keeping them within his embrace as he kisses them with a deep, slow intensity. His kisses are firm, his lips moving with purpose, but always at a leisurely pace —each kiss a silent declaration of his feelings, as if the act itself speaks louder than words ever could. He takes his time, caressing their lips as though he wants to imprint the sensation on his soul. In these moments, Haldir is entirely present, his emotional guard lowered as he expresses the tenderness and depth of his love. It's a vulnerability he only shares with them, and it is through these intimate moments that he allows his softer, more affectionate side to shine through. Haldir's kisses are not just about passion-they are about connection, trust, and the rare vulnerability he allows himself to experience with someone who holds his heart.

What's their favorite part of their s/o? Haldir’s favorite parts of his s/o are their eyes, voice, and hands—each a silent language of its own, one that he deeply cherishes. His connection to them is more than physical, as he is acutely attuned to the nuances of their emotions and expressions. First, it’s their eyes that captivate him. He sees their eyes as windows to their soul, a reflection of their innermost feelings, whether those feelings are joy, sorrow, passion, or vulnerability. Haldir is drawn to the way their gaze can speak volumes without uttering a single word. Their eyes hold a depth that both comforts and intrigues him. They give him insight into their heart, and it is in those moments of silent understanding that he feels most connected to them. Whether they are soft and loving or bright with excitement, Haldir finds a profound beauty in the way their emotions shine through their gaze, speaking directly to his own heart.

Haldir is also deeply moved by the sound of their voice. Their voice has the ability to soothe him after long, exhausting days or to stir him with quiet passion during more intimate moments. He finds that their tone, cadence, and the words they speak hold power—whether they are offering reassurance, sharing a laugh, or simply offering a comforting silence. Their voice becomes a source of grounding for him, one that calms his restless mind or brings warmth to his soul. In the quiet of their conversations, their words are often like a balm, soothing him in ways that nothing else can.

Physically, Haldir is particularly drawn to their hands—hands that can be both gentle and capable, creative and comforting. He admires the way their hands move with such grace and purpose, whether they are crafting something beautiful, offering him a comforting touch, or simply holding his. He finds solace in the simple act of their hand in his, and it is in those moments that he feels truly at peace. Their hands embody a quiet strength, and Haldir treasures how they convey care and affection. Whether their hands are skilled with a bow, as delicate as they may be in weaving or playing an instrument, or simply placed gently on his shoulder in reassurance, he feels a profound connection in these subtle, physical gestures. For Haldir, these parts of his s/o—eyes, voice, and hands—hold a quiet yet profound significance. They are the ways in which he connects with them on a deeper level, understanding their soul and finding comfort in their presence. To him, they are not just physical features, but symbols of the bond they share, a connection he holds precious and rare.

Are they protective? Absolutely. Haldir’s protective instincts are not only a product of his upbringing as a warrior and his role as a Marchwarden of Lothlórien, but also a manifestation of his deep affection and commitment to his s/o. He views protection as a fundamental part of his duty—not just to his people, but to those he loves. This instinct is both practical and emotional, driven by an intense desire to ensure their safety, happiness, and well-being. With his s/o, Haldir’s protectiveness knows no bounds. He’s ever-watchful, scanning the horizon, ensuring that they’re safe from physical harm, and even safeguarding their emotional well-being. Whether it’s ensuring they don’t overexert themselves, watching over them during dangerous missions, or simply making sure they have everything they need, Haldir’s attentiveness is constant. He values their safety above all else and, at times, this can lead him to be somewhat overbearing. It isn’t that he doubts their abilities; rather, he feels an overwhelming responsibility to shield them from any harm, as he views his protective role as a way to express his devotion.

Haldir can be fiercely stubborn when it comes to his s/o’s safety. If they are determined to take risks or face danger alone, he will not hesitate to intervene, even if it means an argument or disagreement. While he understands their independence, his love for them often leads him to feel the need to shield them from the harsh realities of the world, whether it’s protecting them from the physical threats that lurk in Lothlórien or from emotional pain. This protective nature can sometimes lead him to insist on accompanying them when they would prefer to go alone, or he might try to remove potential sources of distress, even if it feels unnecessary to them. To Haldir, love and protection are inseparable. He doesn’t see these instincts as overbearing but as an expression of his deep, unwavering commitment. For him, there is no greater priority than ensuring that his s/o is safe, both in body and spirit. Even if they protest or argue, he will always stand firm, knowing that it is his love that drives this need to protect them. In his eyes, being with someone means being there for them through everything, and that often means protecting them—even if it’s from themselves.

How far will they go to take care of their sick s/o? When his s/o falls ill, Haldir’s devotion to their well-being becomes absolute. His usual stoic nature, grounded in duty and responsibility, would give way to an intensity of care that might surprise those who know him best. Haldir’s protective instincts come alive with an urgency to ensure his s/o’s health and comfort. While he is rarely expressive about his emotions, his concern for their illness would be apparent in every action he takes. Haldir would leave no stone unturned in his quest to see them recover. If the sickness is one that can be treated with the natural resources of Lothlórien, he would scour the forest for rare herbs, consulting the ancient knowledge passed down by his people. He would even go as far as consulting Galadriel herself, seeking her wisdom and guidance, knowing that her knowledge of healing could be invaluable. No length would be too great for him, and he would rely on every resource available to him in Lothlórien to ensure his s/o’s recovery. Throughout the illness, Haldir would be ever-present at their side, offering gentle care in ways that might seem out of character for someone so steadfast and composed. He would prepare meals, ensure they have enough rest, and even hold vigil at their bedside. His hands, usually so firm and unyielding in battle, would be surprisingly tender as he helps them with even the smallest of tasks. Whether it’s adjusting blankets or offering a comforting touch, he would ensure that they never feel alone or abandoned during their recovery.

Though he is not one to easily show his vulnerability, Haldir would stay with them for as long as needed, disregarding his own duties as a Marchwarden. His responsibilities would feel secondary to the care of his s/o—something he would never hesitate to prioritize. He would dismiss any personal discomfort, whether it’s lack of sleep or the demands of his role in Lothlórien, in favor of their healing. If the illness persists, Haldir would remain unwavering in his determination, refusing to leave their side until he’s certain that they are out of danger. In his eyes, no sacrifice is too great for someone he loves. His sense of duty to them would outshine all other obligations, as their well-being would become his sole focus. His actions would speak louder than any words, demonstrating his commitment and love in the most intimate and selfless ways possible. For Haldir, the love he feels for his s/o would be woven into every act of care, no matter how small.

How do they cheer their s/o up when they're down? When his s/o is feeling down, Haldir’s response is one of quiet strength and careful observation. Rather than offering grand gestures, he takes a more subtle, instinctive approach, knowing that what his s/o needs is a sense of calm and emotional support rather than a whirlwind of energy or distractions. His perceptive nature allows him to pick up on even the slightest cues, whether it’s a shift in tone, a quiet sadness in their eyes, or a change in their posture. From these subtle signs, he can discern exactly how to best comfort them.

Haldir may take his s/o on a peaceful walk through the tranquil woods of Lothlórien, where the golden leaves shimmer in the soft sunlight. In these moments, there’s no rush, no expectation—just the comforting presence of the forest and the sound of their footsteps on the soft earth. As they walk, he might share quiet words of encouragement, offering reassurance or wisdom that stems from his own experiences. His words would not be flowery or overly emotional, but instead would be steady and calm, speaking to the heart in a way that makes them feel understood and supported. He would speak from a place of deep knowing, reminding them that they are not alone in their struggles. Alternatively, if his s/o doesn’t feel like talking, Haldir would simply sit beside them, offering silent support. In these moments, he wouldn’t push for conversation or try to force a smile, but rather would sit in companionable silence, offering his presence as a steady anchor. His proximity is a reminder that no matter what, he’s there with them, sharing in the weight of whatever they’re facing. His presence alone would be a source of comfort—his hand may rest gently on theirs, or his eyes may meet theirs with a silent promise that he is there, unwavering, through both the light and dark times.

On rare occasions, when he senses his s/o could use a distraction, Haldir’s dry, wry sense of humor may come into play. It’s not often that he allows his humor to shine through, but when it does, it’s a welcome surprise. His jokes are subtle, and while they may carry an edge of sarcasm, they’re never mean-spirited. Instead, they are clever and thoughtful, aimed at bringing a smile or a light-hearted moment in the midst of sadness. A rare chuckle or a fleeting smile from his s/o would be enough to remind him that, despite his seriousness, he can still bring joy to those he loves. Through it all, Haldir’s approach to cheering up his s/o is deeply understated. He may not be the loudest or most overtly expressive partner, but his methods are grounded in empathy and attentiveness. His quiet but unwavering support makes it clear to his s/o that they are not alone, and that whatever difficulty they’re facing, he will stand beside them—strong, calm, and steady.

How do they react when they find out their s/o is dead? Haldir’s reaction to the death of his s/o would be a profound and crushing blow, though it would be expressed in ways that are quiet, stoic, and largely internalized. His grief would not be loud or outwardly dramatic, but rather the kind of sorrow that settles deep within, silently consuming him. While he may not openly show the depth of his pain to others, it would be evident in the way he withdraws even further into himself. He is a warrior, a protector, and someone who has long carried the weight of responsibility, so the emotional toll of such a loss would be kept tightly bound beneath a shield of stoicism.

The facade of duty and strength would remain outwardly intact, as his role as Marchwarden demands unwavering composure. He would continue to perform his duties, but everything would feel hollow, as if something essential was now missing from his life. His days might pass in a blur of motions—still efficient, still resolute—but devoid of the spark and warmth that his s/o once brought to his world. He may even find himself going through the motions mechanically, performing his responsibilities with quiet precision but without the passion or light he once had when they were by his side. Internally, the pain of the loss would gnaw at him constantly, and his heart would be heavy with sorrow. He would likely become even more withdrawn, retreating further into solitude. There would be moments, when alone in the quiet of the woods or beneath the canopy of stars, when the walls he so carefully built would crumble, and his grief would come crashing in waves. But even then, Haldir would be unlikely to express it openly to others. His solitude would be his only solace, and he would keep his sorrow locked away, perhaps even from himself, except in those rare moments when he is entirely alone.

In private, Haldir would honor his s/o’s memory in quiet, deeply personal ways. He might plant a tree in their name, marking a part of the forest where they once walked together, as a living memorial to their presence in his life. The act would be quiet, meaningful, and intimate, a testament to the love they shared and the impact they had on him. If Haldir is alone and the weight of his grief becomes unbearable, he might retreat to a secluded spot, far away from others, and sing a soft lament in their honor—a song filled with sorrow, but also reverence. This mournful tune, filled with the weight of his feelings, would echo through the trees, a tribute to what was lost. Even though Haldir would never show the full extent of his pain to others, the loss of his s/o would leave an indelible mark on his soul. It would linger with him, shaping his actions, his decisions, and his worldview for the rest of his life. In a way, he would carry their memory with him wherever he went—quiet, unspoken, but always there. While he would continue to fulfill his duties with unwavering dedication, the joy and love he once had would be irreparably altered. The person who once filled that space in his heart would be gone, and Haldir would be left to face the world with the weight of that loss, enduring the passage of time while carrying the memory of the one he loved in silence.

What makes them worry about their s/o the most? Haldir’s primary concern for his s/o revolves around their safety and well-being, particularly given the dangers that lie beyond the borders of Lothlórien. As a Marchwarden and protector, he is acutely aware of the threats that the outside world holds—whether it be from hostile forces, wild creatures, or the lingering dangers of war. He understands the vulnerability of those he cares for, and this knowledge manifests in a constant, quiet worry that never truly dissipates. His fears are not limited to physical harm alone. Haldir is also deeply protective of his s/o’s emotional well-being. He knows the harsh realities of life, the toll that loss and sorrow can take on a soul, and he dreads the thought of his s/o suffering emotional pain or distress, especially from forces outside his control. The thought that someone could manipulate or cause them harm—whether through deceit, betrayal, or simply by their inability to navigate the world as cautiously as he does—keeps him on edge.

Haldir is particularly concerned about their interactions with outsiders. His distrust of those unfamiliar to him, shaped by years of duty and protecting Lothlórien, makes him wary of anyone who might come into contact with his s/o. He is protective to the point of being overbearing, questioning the intentions of others, and feeling a need to shield his s/o from potential harm or exploitation. This protective instinct can make him seem possessive at times, as he may want to keep them within the safety of Lothlórien’s borders or ensure they do not venture into situations that could be dangerous or emotionally taxing. In moments when his s/o is outside his direct reach, Haldir’s mind races with all the possibilities of harm that could come their way. His loyalty to them, paired with his inherent sense of duty, makes him uneasy when he cannot personally guard them. Whether they are traveling alone, dealing with unfamiliar individuals, or even simply facing a challenging situation, he worries that they are exposed to risks that he cannot prevent. It is this helplessness, this inability to protect them at all times, that causes him the greatest anxiety. Though Haldir may never openly admit the depth of his worry, it is always present in the way he watches over them, the way he quietly anticipates their needs, and in the careful, thoughtful way he approaches their safety. His love for them is both a source of strength and vulnerability, and the weight of caring so deeply for someone in such a dangerous world is a constant burden on his heart.

How often do they stare lovingly at their s/o?Haldir’s gaze is not one to be openly displayed, as he is a creature of duty and restraint, often keeping his emotions in check. However, in rare moments of vulnerability, when he believes no one is watching, his eyes will soften with a tenderness that he does not easily express aloud. These stolen glances are a reflection of his deep affection, a private treasure he keeps for himself. His admiration is most evident when his s/o is engaged in something that brings them joy or peace—whether they are lost in conversation, lost in a moment of quiet contemplation, or simply going about their day. At these times, Haldir’s gaze lingers, drawn to the subtle ways they move, the expressions that flicker across their face, or the light in their eyes. He finds beauty in their every action, whether they are simply reading a book or tending to something with gentle hands. His eyes follow them with an unspoken fondness that speaks volumes without a single word being exchanged

Though he may not openly show it, his heart swells in these moments. He admires the strength in their posture, the warmth in their smile, or the way they move through the world with grace and purpose. It is a quiet adoration, an acknowledgment of all they are—both the external and the internal qualities that make them unique. These moments of gaze are rare, often fleeting, but filled with a quiet intensity that only Haldir can understand. While his public demeanor remains composed and reserved, these private moments when he allows himself to stare lovingly at his s/o are his way of silently communicating his deep love and admiration for them—an expression of affection he reserves for his one true companion. His gaze is an intimate bond between them, one that doesn’t require words, only the shared understanding of the depth of his feelings.

How do they impress their s/o? Haldir impresses his s/o not with grand gestures or overt displays of affection, but through the quiet strength and unwavering dedication that defines him. His poise and grace are evident in everything he does, from the way he moves with an effortless elegance through the forests of Lothlórien to the calm confidence he exhibits as a leader. It is the subtlety of his actions that leaves a lasting impact. One of the ways Haldir captures his s/o’s admiration is through his fierce yet calm dedication to his duties. Whether it’s in the defense of Lothlórien or guiding others through the perilous woods, he exudes a quiet confidence in his skills, allowing his s/o to feel safe and protected under his watch. His capability, both as a warrior and a leader, leaves them in awe of his inner strength and discipline.

His deep knowledge of Elven history and lore also plays a role in impressing his s/o. He possesses a wisdom that comes from centuries of experience, and when he speaks of Lothlórien’s ancient trees or the rich culture of the Elves, his s/o is entranced by his ability to connect them to the beauty and depth of their world. His stories are not mere recitations but offer insight into his soul, and each word is a window into his heart. The way he appreciates even the smallest details—be it the sound of the wind in the leaves or the intricacies of a well-crafted bow—shows his sensitivity to beauty in all things, making his s/o feel as though they’re seeing the world through his eyes. Perhaps most impressively, Haldir’s attentiveness and devotion are palpable in the smallest, most thoughtful gestures. He seems to instinctively know what his s/o needs, whether it’s a comforting touch after a long day or a word of encouragement when they feel uncertain. His ability to anticipate their needs—whether emotional or physical—demonstrates a care that goes beyond simple affection. He never demands anything in return, and his actions show a profound respect and understanding of who they are.

In private, Haldir’s love takes on a more intimate, tender form. He finds comfort in the simplicity of small gestures that are shared when they are alone. Whether it’s gently braiding his s/o’s hair, running his fingers through the strands with quiet care, or simply holding them close during a long, peaceful cuddle, these moments of closeness speak volumes about his love. The act of braiding hair is an especially personal way for him to show tenderness, a delicate task that requires patience and attention to detail. His hands, which are so often used for battle, become instruments of care and affection when it comes to his s/o. He also expresses his love through slow, lingering kisses. These quiet moments allow him to reveal a side of himself that is rarely seen by others. His kisses are never rushed but are filled with deep affection, a way for him to connect on a more intimate level when they are alone. When his s/o is in his arms, he may offer small, soft kisses, an expression of his quiet devotion that grows with each passing moment. When Haldir cares for someone, it’s not a matter of duty—it’s a quiet devotion that manifests in the smallest of acts. His s/o may be impressed not by the overt declarations of love, but by the steady, reliable presence he offers, the way he supports them in every way without hesitation. It’s a love that’s built on actions that leave no room for doubt: Haldir is someone they can trust, admire, and rely upon.

Extra bonus (these parts just for fun, love writing them 😈🙈)

➳ He’s a sucker for forehead kisses. It’s his go-to way of showing affection without saying anything. If his s/o is upset, a soft press of his lips to their forehead is his quiet reassurance that everything will be okay.

➳ He gives surprisingly heartfelt compliments. Though he’s not one for flowery words, when he does speak about his s/o, his honesty and depth of feeling make his words unforgettable. A simple “You are the light in my life” from him carries more weight than a thousand poems.

➳ He secretly loves when s/o fall asleep on him. Whether it’s during a quiet moment in the woods or by the fire, Haldir will freeze at first but then soften completely, wrapping an arm around them and holding them close.

➳ He blushes easily around them. Though he tries to maintain his stoic demeanor, a loving look or unexpected compliment from his s/o can leave him flustered and adorably red-faced.

➳ He secretly loves when they call him by a pet name. He’ll roll his eyes and pretend it’s ridiculous, but deep down, it makes him feel warm and cherished.

➳ He always has to have the last word. Whether it’s a minor disagreement or a full-blown debate, Haldir will find a way to deliver a closing remark, even if it’s muttered under his breath as he walks away.

➳ He’s a master of pointed silence. When he knows he’s right (which is always, in his mind), he’ll cross his arms and give you the most condescending look until you cave. That raised eyebrow could win any argument without him saying a word.

➳ He’s passive-aggressively polite when he’s annoyed. He’ll say things like, “Of course, you’re entirely correct,” while pointedly adjusting his cloak with a dramatic flourish that screams otherwise.

➳ He’s a stickler for details. If someone tries to generalize in an argument, he’ll interject with, “Actually…” and proceed to deliver an overly specific, smug correction that no one asked for.

➳ He’ll never admit he’s lost an argument. If it happens, he’ll deflect with, “This isn’t worth my time,” or, “We have more important things to do,” and walk away with his head high, pretending he never cared.

➳ He secretly loves when someone stands their ground. As much as he loves being right, he respects people who don’t give in easily—especially his s/o. Their ability to challenge him and hold firm in their beliefs not only impresses him but also stirs something deeper within. The fiery determination they show in an argument is, admittedly, a big turn-on for him. While he would never openly admit it, the clash of wits leaves him both exhilarated and quietly captivated. Their eventual resolution—whether it’s a compromise or his reluctant surrender—becomes all the sweeter because of the tension and passion that led up to it. Deep down, he relishes the challenge, finding it endlessly alluring.

➳ Haldir has a stare that could kill—literally. His resting face is so intense and deadpan that when he’s not actively engaging in conversation, it looks like he’s trying to burn a hole through whoever is in front of him. It’s a look so sharp that it makes everyone uncomfortable, though he’s often unaware of how intimidating it is. People know to stay out of his way when he’s in his “zone,” but secretly, he doesn’t mind the intimidation—it’s a power he quietly enjoys.

➳ He absolutely hates small, irritating sounds. The constant ticking of a clock, the tapping of a finger, or the rustling of papers will drive him mad. It grinds on him in a way that few things do. He won’t show it openly, but it’s enough to make him restless and irritable. If something is making noise that annoys him, he’ll often “fix” it in subtle ways—maybe clearing his throat loudly or repositioning to get farther away from it. You’re guaranteed to see a twitch in his eye if he can’t escape the noise.

➳ He’s constantly pretending to hate romantic gestures, but secretly he loves them. He’ll act like a stoic warrior when his s/o gives him a thoughtful gift or says something sweet, responding with a simple “It’s nothing” or “You shouldn’t have.” But when he’s alone, he’ll secretly admire the gift or replay the words in his head, smiling faintly to himself.

➳ Haldir secretly enjoys being pampered by his s/o. He’s used to being the one in charge, taking care of others, but in private, he enjoys when his s/o takes care of him. Whether it’s massaging his shoulders after a long day or simply sitting with him in quiet comfort, he allows himself to be vulnerable in these moments, enjoying the closeness it brings.

➳ Haldir gets easily annoyed by unnecessary noise. Whether it’s a clanging sword, loud voices, or the rustling of a branch out of place, Haldir can be very sensitive to disruptive sounds. His heightened senses, honed over centuries of living in the forests, make him attuned to even the smallest disturbances, and it can put him on edge if he’s trying to focus.

➳ He absolutely despises being fussed over, but deep down, he loves it. Haldir would never ask for attention, and if anyone tries to pamper him, he’ll act all grumpy about it. He might snap at them or roll his eyes, but he secretly enjoys being cared for. If someone offers to give him a shoulder rub or a warm drink, he’ll act like he doesn’t need it—yet he’ll find himself looking forward to it.

➳ He’s a soft grumpy, the kind of person who grumbles about everything but secretly enjoys every bit of it. He’ll roll his eyes if someone asks for his help but will do it without a second thought, muttering under his breath the entire time. But once the task is done, you can tell he’s secretly pleased with himself. His grumpiness is a mask for his deep care and attention to detail.

➳ Big cuddles—he pretends to hate them, but he secretly loves them. While Haldir would never admit it, he’s a big fan of cuddles. He often acts gruff or distant when his s/o tries to pull him into a cozy embrace, rolling his eyes or muttering about “discomfort” and “wasting time.” However, when he’s actually in the embrace, he’s completely relaxed, often sighing contentedly and letting himself fall into the warmth of the hug. It’s one of the few times he lets his guard down, but he’ll continue to grumble about it afterward to maintain his tough exterior.

➳ Secretly, he’s a sucker for affection—but he’ll never ask for it. Haldir is very proud and would rather suffer in silence than admit that he craves touch or emotional warmth. But every now and then, he’ll lean into someone’s touch, or he’ll respond to a soft gesture of affection with a genuine warmth that he struggles to hide. He’ll always play it off, pretending that he didn’t want it, but deep down, he secretly enjoys it and looks forward to those moments where he doesn’t have to be “the strong one.”

➳ Haldir is basically a grumpy cat. Much like a cat, he’ll silently judge you, disappear into his own space for hours, and then come out for affection on his terms. He won’t give you attention just because you want it, but if he’s in the right mood (or if he’s just bored), he’ll begrudgingly acknowledge you, usually with a quiet grumble and an eye roll. But like a cat, when he does decide to get affectionate, it’s on his own schedule—and he expects you to deal with his mood swings.

➳ He cherishes his alone time more than anything. While Haldir cares deeply for those around him, he thrives in solitude. Whether he’s taking a walk through the woods or simply sitting in quiet contemplation, he needs moments where he can disconnect from the world and recharge. If he’s in a group for too long, he’ll start looking like he’s about to explode from overstimulation. Being alone is his way of maintaining balance and peace.

➳ Haldir’s not one for small talk, but he values meaningful conversations. When he does speak, it’s usually with purpose. Small talk and idle chatter are foreign to him. However, if someone engages him in a deep, thoughtful conversation, he will open up—showing his intelligence, wisdom, and sometimes even his more philosophical side. These conversations are some of the few times he allows himself to relax.

➳ Haldir is surprisingly good at reading body language. His ability to understand people doesn’t just come from his long years of experience but also from his deep empathy. He can easily read someone’s mood or intentions just from a glance at their posture, their facial expression, or the way they move. This makes him an excellent strategist and confidant.

➳ Haldir’s private smile is like a rare treasure. He doesn’t smile easily, but when he does, it’s soft, almost imperceptible—a small upward curve of his lips, as if he’s sharing a secret with the world. It’s usually reserved for his closest companions or his s/o, and it always feels like a moment of pure connection.

➳ Haldir has a very specific way of organizing his things. Everything in his quarters is meticulously arranged—his weapons are polished and aligned, his cloak folded precisely, and even his books or scrolls are neatly stacked. It’s a reflection of his need for order and control, a way to counterbalance the chaos of his responsibilities.

➳ He hates being complimented, but he’s way too proud not to show a tiny smile when it happens. Compliments, especially about his appearance or abilities, make Haldir uncomfortable. He doesn’t know how to handle praise and will often respond with a curt, “It’s nothing,” or brush it off as if it doesn’t matter. But if you look closely, you’ll catch that small, barely perceptible smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He’s not immune to flattery, after all—he just won’t admit it.

➳ Haldir’s hair is always impeccably maintained, but only because of a habit from his youth. As a child, he was often the one tasked with braiding and styling his siblings’ hair, a role he found strangely soothing. Over time, it became a ritual for him—now, he spends an unusually long time on his own hair to make sure it’s perfect, almost like a small, quiet act of self-care.

➳ Haldir finds it hard to turn down a challenge, even when it’s trivial. Whether it’s an archery contest or a bet on something as minor as who can hold their breath the longest, if someone challenges him, Haldir can’t resist rising to the occasion. It’s not about the prize—it’s the satisfaction of proving himself.

➳ Haldir is not great with children, but he tries really hard. He’s awkward and overly serious when interacting with younger elves, and sometimes, he tries to be “fun” by telling them old war stories or showing off his combat skills. It comes off as unintentionally creepy, though, because the stories are always more intense and somber than the kids expect. He’ll then awkwardly try to change the subject when he realizes how uncomfortable they are.

➳ Haldir likes to be the one to fix things, even when it’s not necessary. If something breaks or goes wrong around him—whether it’s a weapon, a piece of armor, or even something as small as a broken clasp—he’ll immediately take over the repair, even if it’s something simple that doesn’t need fixing. He finds comfort in being the one who solves problems, and if given the chance, he’ll fix something just to show his usefulness. But when someone else takes care of it without his input, he’ll sulk quietly for a bit.

➳ He gets ridiculously flustered when complimented. If someone calls him handsome or brave, his immediate reaction is to scoff or roll his eyes. But if you look closely, his ears turn bright red, and he suddenly has a lot to say about unrelated topics.

For Other characters headcanons so far.

[thienan1s]

Yandere platonic Dark Cacao alphabet ( A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H ) :

A : 1) Authority: Do they see themselves as above their obsession?

- Yes, he is Dark Choco father, he see himself absolutely above his son and Dark Choco should do obey everything he said. His son is young, stupid and reckless (regardless of whether is the young or old version of Dark Choco. In Dark Cacao's defense, he's 100+ years old, it's hard not to see your son as a child) and he is his father, he always know and do best for him.

2) Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

- He love languages are Acts of service and Quality time. As a king he is very busy, his free time is precious and he likes to enjoy it with his son ( especially when Dark Choco returns to his arms ). He is very protective of Dark Choco and would not hesitate to risk his life to protect his son, but Dark Cacao's acts of devotion for love can become very extreme (which is not a light thing even at begin since when he became a yandere), he can go from imprisoning Dark Choco to cutting out the tongue of anyone who dares to speak ill of him no matter how true or light it is.

B : 1) Can they cook or bake? Is they children responsible for their own food?

- Can cook but normal level, he wasn't born royalty and was an explorer, of course he knows how to cook for himself but i don't think he's very good at it considering i don't think he cares too much about whether his food tastes good or not but this may change when he starts cooking for his son. He doesn't cook for Dark Choco often because he's busy managing the country and increasing Dark Choco protection measures, actually at first during the early days of Dark Choco's life he never cooked for him that was the job of a servant, but gradually he changed because he realized how distant he had been to Dark Choco and wanted to change, you know cooking is also a language of love and even later all of Dark Choco food had to be cooked by him because Dark Cacao's mental state escalated, he slowly became a severely paranoid yandere, acting as if every food Dark Choco put in his mouth wasn't made by him then there was a 99.99999% chance Dark Choco would die from poisoning.

2) Blood : How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

- War, genocide, dismemberment people ,... In short, he doesn't mind being a Beast.

C : 1) Cruentus- How do they respond to children being hurt, both slightly and severely?

- Hell, the person who did it should wish that they and their family, those related to them have a quick death. Bonus : Their bodies will not be treated well, it is a pity that even innocent people do not have the right to wish for an intact corpse and a proper burial.

And did you know that in ancient times, in Asian cultures, if you committed a crime against the royal family, your entire living family generation would be killed, including your father's, mother's, and wife's (or husband's) relatives. (In my country, this is called "tru di cửu tộc")

2) Cruelty: How would they treat their children once abducted? Would they mock them?

-No, he will never mock Dark Choco. The closest thing he got was scolding Dark Choco when he thought his son did something stupid and potentially harmful to himself like trying to escape.

- He really tries his best to give Dark Choco the best he can, he pampers him as much as he can and treats him like a diamond with the strength of glass. Those who cause even the slightest scratch to Dark Choco will pay dearly.

D: 1) Disengage : What's their response to being ignored?

- Sadness, but he did nothing. To others he may seem like the embodiment of Satan, the demon of wrath, one small mistake and you will be beheaded, even if you are innocent you can still be beheaded but for Dark Choco he has the patience of a saint.

2) Dearest : Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their children will?

- I can't think of anything specific right now but there will definitely be, right now I just have a vague idea that he can stop Dark Choco from doing things that he thinks are harmful to Dark Choco.

E: 1) Enclosure: Where do they keep children ?

- In his castle of course, but the concern here is that if his yandere level gets too bad he might even force Dark Choco stay in his bedroom ( please don't think something weird, he is just overthinking and there is not ( or don't care) concept of private space anymore ) . That would make Dark Choco's situation even more hellish, being watched by your father who is also your captor 24/7 (Dark Cacao would move his office into his bedroom if he was crazy enough to force Dark Choco to stay in his room, he would do that to monitor his son after all, he would probably even cut down on going out as much as possible to only going out for meetings or fighting to protect his country, his country is the only thing left he cares about besides Dark Choco which makes them always together for days, weeks, months) is not a comfortable thing. Remember Yandere not mean to be healthy, to make the one they love happy, even platonic yandere.

2) Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their children ? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their children ?

- All his heart, his soul, his life is for his son. You hurt Dark Choco you hurt Dark Cacao, it even worse than you directly hurt Dark Cacao exponentially and it increases proportionally to his madness.

F : 1) Facade: Are they good at hiding their true intentions?

- He doesn't usually hide his intentions, actually in this platonic yandere relationship i see Dark Cacao never hides his true intentions because he's too strong and that doesn't fit his personality, he can easily get what he wants by force so why need to be histrionic, something that makes him so tired. But if put in a situation where Dark Cacao feels he needs to hide his intentions, he can also act a little, like putting on and keeping still a serious expressionless face or acting as if nothing is happening but inside he is in turmoil or thinking about doing something sinister, well it's little but he's very good at it, years of being king require you to have some degree of control over your expressions and you'd be surprised how useful it can be in "taking care" of his child.

Fight: How would they feel if their children fought back?

- My man is gonna be going through the 5 stages of grief as badly as an overthinking yandere can do, anger will be first it will be like " How dare he attack his father AGAIN ? Still not learned a lesson ? I do everything for his sake, I do so much for him and he treat me like THIS ? " , next could be depression although this emotion can also be in other stages like 4,5 for example it like " How could he treat his father like that? Or am I really the one at fault? Haven't I done enough? I still haven't fixed my mistake? ?Doesn't he love me? " This stage is worse the further back you go can move from sadness to actual depression, denial will be 3 he will convince himself that his son didn't try to hurt him even though it was obvious, that it was just a misunderstanding just an accident, that Dark Choco still loved him, he was just a childish boy who lacked control and attacked his father (Dark Choco really still loved him, it was just that Dark Cacao thought that after what he had done to Dark Choco from childhood to adulthood, he no longer loved him and that's really why he locked Dark Choco up, he didn't want to lose him... not again) and justify himself that his actions were right, 4 bargaining after trying to justify what he did in stage 3 he will try to point out the benefits of the wrongdoing he did mainly to appease himself, 5 Acceptance no matter how things turn out in the end, he will simply accept it and then do nothing to change it, until the next time he goes through the 5 stages of grief and it all starts over again.

G : 1) Garment : Do they take control of their children clothes?

- Control like what ??? Is whether Dark Choco gets to wear clothes or not and whether his clothes are good or not (nice, warm, not torn) depends on his behavior ? if so then NO, Dark Cacao isn't that bad, no matter how bad Dark Choco behaves, he's still given the best things materially. But if it's about whether he chose Dark Choco's clothes or not, does Dark Choco have the right to choose his clothes or not, did he do anything to Dark Choco's clothes or not ? Dark Cacao does choose clothes for his son but not always, most of the time he lets Dark Choco choose his own clothes and only occasionally chooses a few outfits he thinks are nice for his son to wear but if his son doesn't like what he chooses, he won't force him wear the only times he forced his son to dress was when he saw that he was not dressed warmly enough and might catch a cold, the freedom to choose clothes is one of the few rights Dark Choco has under Dark Cacao control, the closest thing to control when it comes to Dark Choco outfit is that Dark Cacao is also very strick about poison checking (he's overthinking).

2 ) Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their children try to escape ?

- No, this absolutely not a game to him and he certainly didn't like seeing his son trying to escape.

H : 1) Hell: What would be their children worst experience with them?

I have two answers which one do you want ? 1 is sure to happen and 2 only in the worst case. If 1 then is being constantly monitored and controlled if it 2 then broken legs.

2) Handicap: How do they handle children being or becoming disabled?

- Ha ha, hell. The person responsible for this better suicide now because no matter where you run, Dark Cacao will still find you and give you a life worse than death and Dark Cacao will fall into a bottomless abyss called self-blame and he will start self-destructive behavior. Of course he still tries his best to take care of his child, he is not the kind of parent who will drown in sorrow and abandon their children 'when it needs them most'.

[iamnmbr3]

I'm pretty sure I followed you a long time ago when I was in Marvel fandom and I'm delighted I found you again!

I remember that you had great fic recommendations and seeing that you're in hp fandom too just makes me so happy! I just finished the books (I would have read them long ago, but they were banned at my home) and I'm knee deep in drarry now and I completely understand the hype for those two idiots.

Do you have lists for long (I'm talking+80k) fics I could start with? Preferably gay/lesbian parring 🙏 and thank you in advance

Oh wow what a lovely ask! Thank you so much and welcome back!

You can check out my fic rec tag here for a ton of good recs. Here are a few good ones to get you started - mostly drarry with some other excellent ship and gen fics thrown in as well for good measure.

Running on Air by eleventy7 (words: 74,880 | rating: T | Drarry)

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Amulette d'amour by The_Carnivorous_Muffin, Vinelle  (words: 105,428 | rating: unrated | Tom Riddle/Alphard Black)

Tom is commissioned to repair a magical amulet.

Nero su bianco by zuzallove (words 40,507 | rating: E | Drarry)

September 1997. Hogwarts is under the regime of Voldemort and the Carrows. Finding himself alienated by both his friends and his supposed enemies, Draco puts quill to parchment, and writes letters. He addresses them to the only person he can think of, as Hogwarts rapidly falls into chaos and ruin: Harry Potter. He goes to great lengths to ensure the letters are never discovered, and he’s pretty certain he’s done a great job. Until the day of his trial.

Ouroboros by Metalomagnetic (Words: 258,416 | rating: E | Voldemort/Tom Riddle)

A strange man adopts Tom Riddle and it is not his father, as Tom desperately wants to believe. Stranded in the past, Voldemort once again comes to the conclusion he's the only one he truly needs.

At Your Service by Faith Wood (faithwood) (words: 95,752 | rating: E | Drarry)

Hogwarts students are in danger; Harry is determined to save them all. There's only one thing he knows for certain: Draco Malfoy is somehow involved.

you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass (words: 20,730 | rating: M | Drarry)

When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

The customer is always right by Metalomagnetic (words: 7,200 | rating: unrated | gen)

In the summer of 1945, Caractacus Burke hires a new assistant to help with the shop. His son doesn't know what to make of Tom Riddle, the young charismatic man that doesn't seem to mind working hard for just a handful of coins.

Your Friend, James by TedwardRemus (words: 5,330 | rating: T | Lily/James)

It is the summer before their 7th year, and Lily and James spend the entire holiday writing letters to each other as their relationship slowly changes from friends to something more.

Tea and No Sympathy by who_la_hoop (words: 70,045 | rating: E | Drarry)

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. It's been nearly a year since the unpleasant business at Hogwarts, and Draco's getting on with his life quite nicely, thank you, until Harry sodding Potter steps in and ruins it all, just like always. At first, though, the time loop seems liberating. For the first time in his life, he can do anything, say anything, be anything, without consequence. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

of all my demon spirits by basketofnovas (slashmarks) (word: 1,730 | rating: T | Gen)

After the end of term, Ginny gets a new diary and struggles with the events of her first year.

War Paint by provocative_envy (word: 18,876 | rating: E | Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger)

It was small, slim, about the length of her hand; the leather cover was soft, the sewn-in binding was crisp, and the thick vellum pages were empty. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' was printed in ancient, flaking gold leaf across the front. He had been a Slytherin, a prefect, and head boy in 1944. She had checked. [ ALTERNATIVELY - Hermione finds Tom Riddle's diary. ]

The Unwinding Golden Thread by The_Carnivorous_Muffin   (words: 50,260 | rating: T | Gen)

In his fifth year Tom Riddle discovers his destiny and meets the cold, alarming, and bizarre transfer student Harry Evans. But sometimes things unravel in ways we do not expect.

Denude by Faith Wood (faithwood) (words: 4,172 | rating: E | Drarry)

This is a HBP AU. It's set a few days after the Sectumsempra scene and takes the story in another direction, asking the question: "What if the Sectumsempra scene had a greater impact on Harry and Draco?" Harry and Draco are sixteen. In medias res beginning. Non-linear storytelling.

[peanutheaddd]

I feel like after swap dm starts to get comfortable living with lil petey and petey he would notice how many things petey does for him (e.i cooking, cleaning etc) and he would feel kinda like..

Weird abt it ig? Cus like he was obviously not used to stuff like cleanliness and cooked food before on the streets and he was certainly not used to somebody being there to help with those things on the streets so I feel like he would try and help petey as a way to give back to him and like

It would just go horribly wrong cus obvs he's never had experience or like a chance to learn how to cook and clean so likeee

That was way longer than I meant it to be omg

THANK YOU FOR THIS BRU I LOVE WHEN PEOPE SEND ME LONG ASS ASKS ABOUT MY AU im eating this shit up

BUT UR A HUNDY PERCENT RIGHT BRO

especially during his jobless era hed beReally restless. he Hates sitting around and doign nothing . i reckon hes offered to help before and petey was always like nnooooo nono u just sit down bc he doesnt realize that dm needs to do smth w himself or else hell implode

i think once he realizes tho (id reckon its after he fucked up the house like u said LMFAAAOO) then he actually sits down and teaches him chores .

i actually dont see petey as the malewife type (hot take) but i DO see dogman as the malewife type . he has enough acts of service as a love language in his bones . and he seems to like routine . the only reason canon dm doesnt malewife it up is bc he has a day job . so he doenst rlly have enough time to become Good at malewifing . LMFAO . i like to think he tries his best tho . i talked about this once in another ask .

but allat to say that once dm actually learns how to take care of the house hed go all out with just doing Everything around the house . petey comes home and its almost jarring how he doesnt havr yo Do anything bc dms already done it all . all he does is cook bc thats the one thing dm didnt ask to learn (he is not about to get cut off from eating peteys cooking) .

i rckon hes torn bc on one hand again . i dont see petey as the malewife type and it was probs hard for him to have a job take care of lp And keep the house in order . so its nice to have one and a half of those burdens (since dm takes care of lp when hes not home) off his back.

but also he doesnt like this feeling of being taken care of because he feels like he should be doing more . again swap petey measures his self worht in how much he can do for other people and now since hes technically doing less for dm he feels like his worth is going down and he doens tlike that. but he cant rlly tell that to dm so he just keeps his mouth shut and lets him do the house stuff esp bc dm is Noticably less restless and more at ease now that he is being given a task .

[cushfuddled]

I don't know if I want to make a video about this because it's SO subjective obv but also like. I've NEVER felt compelled to write a "homophobic au" where I take a tolerant fantasy world and make it bigoted. As a kid I used to complain ALL THE GODDAMN TIME about how fantasy writers could imagine a world with talking dragons and magic powers but always drew the line at equal rights for gay people. And here I am PUTTING THE HOMOPHOBIA BACK into a fantasy world WITHOUT homophobia. And I was like.

do I feel so compelled to do this???

I knew I didn't NEED an excuse to insert homophobia into Arcane. Write whatever you want etc etc. But I was so curious, since my preference up 'til now has always been for casually queer fantasy worlds. And uh yeah honestly I think this pivot stems from like, a disconnect between my understanding of systemic bigotry as a queer autistic woman and the way Arcane appears to pick and choose its world's politics from a salad bar.

In the real world, social issues are all tangled up in each other. Racism and classism and queerphobia and xenophobia and ableism and misogyny and misandry and ageism...all these 'isms bud off each other in a kind of swirling feedback loop, necessitating an intersectional approach to activism.

At the end of Arcane, no one broke the cycle of violence. The council chamber table is shaped like a gear, symbolizing its members' status as a "gear train" for all change within Piltover and Zaun. Jinx's bomb destroys that gear with the rest of the council room, only for an off-screen contractor to glue the pieces together between scenes. Piltover adds more "progressive" representatives to its gear train, but the underlying oligarchical mechanism remains. If the cycle of violence ever breaks, it will be because these new "teeth" convince the council to trade their power for democracy. If the elite don't give a real voice to the marginalized (I'm not sure one or two non-elected representatives makes the cut), the marginalized will take to more radical measures to be heard, and the conflict will start anew.

Arcane's hostile oligarchical world sculpted Viktor into the perfect time bomb. Its proud disgust for immigrants; addicts; the poor; the disabled, taught Viktor great shame and hate for who he was and where he came from. These lessons are at least cousins to Social Darwinism, fascism, and the politics of eugenics. Viktor aimed to "evolve" himself and his people into a "perfect" final form. He equated "progress" with the eradication of disability and sickness...then emotion.

Here Viktor branches off from the emotionalism central to fascist ideology, declaring passion ("Our emotions...rage, compassion, hate...") the "cause of [humanity's] greatest evil." Viktor describes emotions as Freudian "baser instincts," dirty and corrosive in their "self-corrupting" force.

To deserve love and admiration, Viktor believes he must become perfect. And for all he waxes poetic re: science and reason and the people of Zaun, Viktor still bases his definition of "perfection" on the ideals of his oppressors. It says a lot to me, that Viktor's idea of "progress" looks like the total eradication of sickness and disability; the rise of an obedient, docile, dogmatic collective; the dominance of Viktor's dome amidst the modest shelters of his followers; Viktor's sleek, agile, white and gold robots. Viktor's goals share a springboard with those of the Piltover elite. Both systems place undue value on power and purity. Both depend on a complaisant, malleable public, and both punish individualism. Piltover pretends to champion movers and shakers and out-of-the-box thinkers, immortalizing key figures like "Stanwick Padidly" and Jayce, but Jayce was only allowed back into the world of the wealthy once he proved

a. he had something to give

b. he was deemed suitably manipulable.

The moment Jayce tried to clamp down on Piltover's rampant corruption (aka wield his newfound powers in service of the less fortunate), Mel was there to reinforce the status quo. It was made very clear that Jayce's options were either to fall in line or lose his job—along with the chance to make any kind of positive change. Behind the curtain Jayce and Viktor were only puppets in service of the wealthy and powerful. Hextech didn't better the lives of marginalized people. It upgraded weapons for the police and generated new trade opportunities for employers (the economy would've undergone a hell of a shakeup with the sudden flush of consumer goods and access to overseas labor. From the state of Zaun and Piltover post-time skip, I assume the new trade routes shuffled money around but didn't make necessities like medicine or shelter any more attainable for your average citizen).

"You used me, and Viktor, for Hextech. You called us 'investments.'" "Two brilliant young inventors who shared a penchant for impossible surprises. Carrying magic from myth to machine. Rallying the hope and hearts of a nation. You were a wise investment."

Anyway. Why is Viktor so threatened by his ability to feel "affection?" Every other goal aligns with a kind of supercharged version of Piltover's oppressive value system, but this one...not so much.

I guess you could say "civil society" frowns on explosive emotions like rage and hate because they threaten the docility of a healthy status quo. Compassion poses a similar threat. It makes sense for Viktor to fixate so hard on emotions when they're the only weapon powerful enough to snap him out of his Hexcore power trip. But I'm more drawn to the reading where Viktor recognizes queerness within himself (cough his love for Jayce cough) as another barrier on the road to perfection (as measured by the standards of an oligarchical regime).

It seems to me that Viktor's goals are all symptoms of a society steeped in ableism, classism, xenophobia, and queerphobia—but only three of those conditions manifest in Arcane's worldbuilding.

I dunno, man. What resonates with my queer experience will totally contradict someone else's. But I guess I can't envision an oligarchical system like Piltover's—a system founded on classism, ableism, and a weaponized fear of the dirty "other"—would somehow evade racism and queerphobia. Like..."We're fine with black people and gay people. But god help you if you're poor or sick or disabled or from Zaun!" Bigotry is irrational and contradictory, so there are surely examples of this pick-and-choose phenomenon outside of Arcane. And good lord, I don't think anyone should feel "obligated" to fill their fantasy worlds with homophobia! But Arcane definitely sparked enough cognitive dissonance in me to make me crank out some "what if this world was also homophobic" fanfic.

(There's also League of Legends' legacy as an alt-right cesspool. Before I even knew what an MMO was, I'd been warned about a game called LoL, the supposed "worst of the worst" when it came to voice chat culture. Not sure how I feel about that context yet.)

[fanaticsnail]

Snail,,,,,

It's been a low swing so I haven't been interacting as much but know that I love you and you bring joy everytime you appear on my dash

I did get a creative burst recently so have some domestic / acts of love headcanons for *spins wheel* Dracula Mihawk!

Receiving:

- shaving his beard

- the greatest swordsman knows how to wield blades but let's you do it anyway

- he likes the intimacy and trust of allowing you to hold a blade so close to his throat

- he also thinks you're hot when you hold blades, something he has sculpted himself to be the master of

- some kind of almost submission where he gets aroused by being a master swordsman, having spent his whole life sculpting his body to wield blades with the utmost pinnacle of precision and power, and sitting beneath you as he lets you (less skilled) wield a blade against him. Especially as he watches you improve; steadier, more confident and precise as time passes. But he would dare admit an arousal he can't put a name to or explain

- he gets to stare at your concentrated face without being too weird/overt. (Usually it's "Mihawk what do you think of these earrings?" 👁️ 👁️)

Giving:

- buying you souvenirs from his travels

- he personally doesn't like knick knacks or novelties, but he likes to let you know he's thinking of you in every moment

- and it's a way to keep you in his thoughts, bringing you with him for his sake and yours on his trying journeys

- oh the cross guild meeting gave him a preemptive hangover? At least he gets to spend an hour picking something out for his darling

- even if you don't like touristy things, he takes notice of what it is you do like and gets you that (e.g, perfume, jewellery, foods)

- the act of knowing you is another one of his love languages

Reciprocated:

- pouring eachothers wine/drink

- it's literally the same amount of effort for him to pour yours and you to pour his as it would be to do it yourselves, perhaps even more

- but he just loves it

- it's the small act of service without the pressure of grandeur that he revels in. He would level ships if you asked. You would freeze hell over so he didn't sweat in his jacket when he went down there. But you both don't have to go to those lengths to appreciate each other and know/feel appreciated

- coordinating outfits

- he gets to show you off while still staking a claim

- ties into bringing you things he thinks you'll like, he gets to show off how well he knows his partner by getting them something tailor-made with the right measurements and style

OH MY GOSH ITS SNAIL!!! HI!!!

Oh, I missed you so, so much. I am glad you're back, my love.

That image of Mihawk's yellow eyes lovingly falling half-lidded as he submits to the handle of his lover's blade has me in a choke hold. I am obsessed with this. Beautiful analysis of shared love languages. You're amazing, and you always come through when I need you, Snail.

Literally today, my sister was bullying me into the final chapter of Sapsorrow and I needed a little shove more to get me there. I will be looking at this whimsically while I fixate on it 🖤.

Thank you for sharing your creative burst with me 🖤🖤

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

#OCkissWeek2025 Day 6 — Forbidden

When I came to this prompt, I honestly only had one pairing in mind. I have a lot of OCs and they all have a lot of lore where this prompt could have been relevant but Blake with Thy will always take this place before all others.

The character, Blake, belongs to my friend @stealthbaguette He's the tall, dark sleeping man pictured here.

My character, Thy, is the small blond and he will be our focus today.

Thy is a complicated character, to say the least. I often tell people right off the bat "You're probably not going to like him." and about 60% of the time that quickly ends up becoming true.

Thy was originally a Dragon Age Origins character (blog: @first-warden). His background was the orphaned son of his tribe's former leader, well versed in hunting and scouting and - unbeknownst to him - very well loved by his people, who all worry greatly for him.

(A/N: for those who know DAO and are curious. He was a final sacrifice character that chose all the worst options in the game in some desperate attempt to save Tamlen).

From Thy's perspective. He was the blighted bastard child of a foolish father and a mother that never cared. He brought shame to his people for never measuring up to the impossible standards he set out for himself and they all hated him secretly behind his back. The only person who he could rely on was his best friend, no one else was trustworthy. No one else could withstand his accursed company.

I'm sure you can see the issue here.

The truth is: Thy was abandoned at birth by his mother, who almost killed him in her grief, for looking like the husband she'd so recently lost to a group of bandits. As a child, the tribe attempted to keep this from him but, Thy was a resourceful one and inevitably found out about it through a goodbye note his mother had stowed away.

The knowledge, understandably, warped his perception of his worth to others and his sense of self.

As Thy grew, he increasingly felt less worthy of the space he was occupying in the world - felt shame for even breathing in air that should have gone to other people - and so he withdrew and withdrew until he was nothing more than a helpful shade at the corner of your eye, always desperately trying to atone for a sin that he never even made.

And so he never asked for anything. Never took or claimed anything.

How could he have what he was never worthy of, after all?

If he wanted to find his place in this world, he would have to to everything in his power to earn it.

This is Thy's origin in every story that he takes up a place - be it a modern au or something in fantasy, he always starts out as a self-inflicted pariah that clings desperately to the only connection he dares have (his friend) only to have that friend die due to Thy's own poor decision making. It breaks him, always, and pushes him down the path of this endless ragged atonement - where he fights everything and never lets himself hold on to anything ever again.

This path often leads him into military service. Something that he both excels at immediately and fails at miserably. Thy quickly finds that he is an expert killer, that enemies are no different than the game he used to hunt in the woods. Simple - it's so simple. The military quickly learns that Thy is dangerously self-righteous, alarmingly unstable and a seemingly unrepentant extremist to boot. Ultimately, he falls out of military service with a dishonorable discharge and is left to figure out how to survive in a world he's never even known how to live in, never even felt worthy of living in - where every kind gesture and smiling face looks like threats and sneers and hate. Where he has no home to return to, because how could he ever go back after becoming such a disgrace?

And then we enter Blake.

Blake, who also left military service - who speaks a language Thy understands. Blake who loves animals and growing plants, who listens to Thy talk about herbs and the trees. Blake who can keep up with Thy's pace, who doesn't break. Blake who doesn't shy away - even when Thy snarls, snaps and bares his fangs. Blake who is patient, always patient. Blake who always stays.

And Thy loves Blake.

But he can't just say that. He can't be greedy again.

After all, he still has to earn his place.

And Blake will wait... right?

Thy hopes Blake will wait.

[im-out-of-it]

part 17 of season 3, episode 2 continued “the powers that be” THE COUPLE THAT INVESTIGATES TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER

170. I cannot get over how Alec easily convinces Lorenzo to let him in and the expressions he and mags give one another. Magnus is like babe hurry up!!!!! and Alec is thinking I’m trying my best!!!!!

I DONT KNOW IF HARRY IMPROVISED BUT THIS IS THE MOST ICONIC FUNNIEST SHIT TO BE CREATED

171. Alec: I dabble HE NEEDS SAVING LMAO

also what’s funny about this scene that’s kinda foreshadowing is when Magnus and Lorenzo duel later and he tries banishing Magnus, Lorenzo says he doesn’t let Lightwood charms distract him or whatever. BOY YOU WERE HOOKED ON ALECS EVERY WORD DONT FUCKING LIE 👀

okay but if Alec came looking like that shit I would forget everything 🔥✨

172. MAGNUS PLEASE

173. I’m sorry but this is probably the most funniest iconic scene in the whole season just as the 17,000 in the 2x06 date scene is

174. Alec: being sneaky: A THREAD

175. the face you give your boyfriend when you’re trying to figure out if your father is responsible for the chaos that has taken over and the face you give your boyfriend when you’re trying to charm the new high warlock who is a complete ass ITS HARD OUT HERE

176. Magnus: ah fuck

177. PUT SOME RESPECT ON THESE LEADERS. Maia isn’t leader yet but she should be. don’t talk to Alec or Maia in these tones 🗣️

178. Alec is trying his best. there’s that fake I’m tricking you smile so you don’t catch onto my bullshit because you have a vendetta against my man vibes

179. HE IS SO PERFECT but in black and white

180. Alec: a toast to our (crying on the inside) our partnership

181. give Alec a raise!!!!!! he snuck his boyfriend in while convincing Lorenzo he was interested in ceramics

182. this is actually one of my favorite episodes and scenes. it’s fun watching Alec and Magnus work together but also in a sneaky way. but if Lorenzo wouldn’t be so highly jealous of Magnus and actually talk to Alec with some fucking respect, they wouldn’t have to resort to these measures

183. Alec can’t even introduce himself without Lorenzo saying he’s “Magnus’s friend” and cutting him off. he says “Alec Lightwood, I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each other at those downworlder meetings” and he could have left it at that but what does he do???? he then says I won’t be as easy on the eyes as he was BOY IF YOU DONT SIT DOWN

184. warlocks are not shuttle services but it’s the way he says it to Malec. as if that’s all Magnus is good for in the shadow world. Magnus helps Alec because Magnus loves Alec and wants to spend as much time with him as he can. and I’m sure a lot of downworlders especially warlocks feel used by shadowhunters but that is not the case for Magnus when Alec is concerned. Alec would never use Magnus that way. for me, I think it’s more Alec wanting to spend more time with Magnus. Magnus and Alec both have traits of helping people out so it’s not a surprise if these traits come out around one another

185. I’m sorry but Lorenzo comes off as super heartless in majority of the season. it’s like he wants to watch Magnus suffer

186. but what I hate first of all is how he treats Alec. he doesn’t see alec as a respected head of institute leader but as someone who is only good at being Magnus’s boyfriend

187. Magnus is his own person just as Alec is. they’re both respected leaders (Magnus was there and will get there don’t worry) and personally, I’m a fan of the we are both powerful leaders plus we’re dating trope. (is that a trope I don’t care I love it) I can’t stand when you have a relationship and it’s only focused on the one person and what they’re good at.

Magnus isn’t just a warlock but one of the kindest, sweetest, humorous people you’ll know and Alec may come off as grumpy, rude, and annoyed 24/7 but he’s down to earth, always helps those he loves, and doesn’t hide if he’s fed up with you. and it’s also as if people in the shadow world don’t accept that they’re truly a couple at times.

the funniest thing in this episode for me is dumbass shadowhunters talking shit about warlocks IN FRONT OF ALEC AND MAGNUS. PUT SOME RESPECT ON MALEC NOW. season three Alec is also my favorite because he stands up for himself even more and it’s fun to watch him become the leader we all knew he was destined to be

so I have a part that is in drafts but I’m missing one gif so I’ll start that tomorrow. I didn’t do any of season two wrap up because I’m having the worst day but I’ll try to fit in some tomorrow. and I’ll mainly be doing more of these. I have a few more of this scene, I have to finish (or start) the Saia and clace date so we are almost there 💓

but I’m also not trying to rush everything and also this will probably be long if I didn’t already say that. I’m sorry my memory is shit but I’ll see y’all soon and thanks for everyone who comes here all nice and enjoys reading this as much as I enjoy writing it I LOVE YALL SO MUCH OKAY BYE FOR NOW ✨