#although tbh it's probably not that different than how i write him drunk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

she-calls-me-daddie · 5 months ago

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I just had a dream that really fucked me up when I woke up cause it was so vivid that I thought it happened last night. And honestly it could have been a plot to a low budget movie but like I swear I lived it.

I was at a friend's wedding, they wore a half tux with shorts and the wedding was at a really busy venue. During the first dance, some guy next to me rudely shouted across to someone if he could dance with them. She told him in response "read the room asshat, it's a ladies choice dance" and she slightly tapped my arm. Less of a tap, and more of a soft grab, the kind of where you don't want to startle someone but you do want their attention.

Keep in mind she came from across the room. She was in the bridal party, from what I recall maybe about 5'7" wearing a pink, sparkly hat that said pink pony club. It didn't seem quite her style. She also wore a half tux.

Pink jacket, white button down black tie, black shorts.

I hadn't noticed her til I heard her reply to the mr. rude (cause who invited him to this very queer wedding if he's going to act like an out of place frat boy??!) and felt her hand on my arm.

She really made a special effort to come to me and I don't know what it was that made her seek me out but I had no complaints when I finally saw her. I don't remember her name, but I know her last name was hyphenated. I saw it on her place card at some point in the dream..

"Hey do you want to dance?" She asked me in the softest voice. It's like every thing around me left the room. Then my brain rubber banded. I yelled back" right now?" True to my own personality, this beautiful woman froze my brain and I wasn't thinking clearly, if at all. Her deep hazel eyes, just a few shades darker than her hair in the dance floor lighting was just so entrancing. I really couldn't look away. She got closer to me while anticipating my reply and I was hooked on her. Once again it was still the first dance of the new couple and honestly once I saw her I didn't want to look away. I sheepishly shook my head yes as a goofy grin painted itself across my face. Even now as Im writing this, I kinda wish I stayed asleep.

I was incredibly enamoured at this point, also dream drunk(?), so I went to the bathroom where I saw this person being harassed in the hall. They were a masc presenting non binary person trying to enter the restroom. It was one of those weird rest-stop-looking places where there really isn't a separation between the rooms, just a hallway with openings on either side. They were being harassed by these 2 men when I were berating them with insults and tbh they probably could have held their own but I still intervened. As I was heading back to the venue room, I was met by the mystery girl who had seen my act of heroics, and honestly I was just yelling and threatening them back in the most primal and erratic way I could to simply scare them off.

She commended my bravery and asked if I wanted to take a walk. I don't think we got to dance.

I guess this next part was almost a fast forward cause we were outside walking down a city street, different clothes and all (although that pink pony hat was super cute on her), just chatting. Maybe a first date/hangout? She told me about herself, how she ended up here and jeez, I could listen to her all day. I craved the attention she gave me. It was hard to describe it but even as she was talking, she made every effort to notice me. I hung on to every word that left her lips. Her voice, her stories, her conversation was my new favorite song on repeat for days.

She told me how she started a business and how she moved away from her family, but has a new found family. I remember her business name was "huskies" and I didn't ask her why. She asked me about myself in which case I talked about parts of me but I didn't want her to stop talking. I needed her to talk more. There were points where we would stop walking during the conversations and she would caress my arm, shoulder, hand, with a slight curiosity that made me blush from head to toe starting wherever her hand was. Every time. At some point we were holding hands as we crossed the street to almost end the night and we got really close. Our foreheads touched, and she spoke as softly as she did when she asked me to dance, somehow softer. "I'm going to fall for you, huh?" I heard a half smile in her words with a bit of fear and a lot of confidence mixed in. "Not yet" I told her in an equally soft tone.

At that point I kissed her, hesitant and soft at first. Up to this point, she had taken all the lead. I'm always so unsure of myself when it comes to people and intimacy. This was what I wanted and when she grabbed me by the waist to pull me closer I was sure that she wanted this too.

Time felt irrelevant in that moment. Almost so still. It was passionate and intense. It felt real, almost a memory that hasn't happened yet. I swear I felt her kiss me. I swear her lips were on my neck at some point. I really felt her hands on me, I felt the heat from her body. I felt myself craving her, needing her, kissing her harder. I felt her breathing after forgetting to in-between kisses.

She was so real, she was there. She was tangible. I had her in my arms.

Then I woke up, and she wasn't anymore.

It felt like the kiss was her way of saying she knew I had to go, but she didn't want me to leave.

#dreams #pansexual #lgbtpeople #nblw #polyamourous #dreams like this fuck me up cause of the theory that alternate universes exist and can only be accessed when you sleep #i swear she felt so real to me.

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shinsorokiri · 4 years ago

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S/O Loses Memory and Quirk

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions of stab wounds and blood, a panic attack, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, sad bois

A/N: So I had two requests that mentioned these three with this concept and I just finished all of them and I’m so proud that I wanted to post these ones before the other two for Denki and All Might were finished but I’ll get those out as soon as possible. I cried writing Bakugou’s, so... there’s that HAHA please enjoy!

Here’s the first one with Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi!

Todoroki Shouto | Shouto

Shouto knows you’re a strong woman and that he doesn’t need to constantly be there to protect you

But he does prefer to be there if something bad is happening

The only problem is that you two went to two different agencies after graduating

And in doing so were on opposite sides of the city

Now he always knew when something was happening on your hero route because I mean

He actually needs to in case something bad happens since it’s his JOB

But he also just really wants to be there for you if you really need it

There hasn’t been a time like that, though

So imagine his utter shock and genuine fear when that time came

He was told to go to where you were patrolling because you’d been attacked and wound up in the hospital

You know the scene with the flame tear? Yeah that but times ten

He goes on patrol like a good little hero

But boy oh BOY did he just want to go to the hospital

You’d never lost a fight before

Not even against him

Your quirk was literally the most powerful quirk he’s ever seen and I mean like, yeah, sure, he might be biased but STILL you were really powerful

So what kind of villain could hurt you so bad you had to go to the hospital???

Luckily, he only had an hour left of patrolling

And as soon as that hour was up

Mans bolted

He was OFF

He ran into that hospital

And he politely asked where your room was

Because although he’s PANICKING he still is a little socially awkward sweetie and he doesn’t wanna be a dick to anyone and be labeled similar to his father no no NO

But as soon as he got the number he was sprinting man

He was so worried

All patrol he was quieter than usual

And he was ridiculously anxious the whole time

His palms were sweaty

He felt like he could throw up at any second

And right now

He thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest

He carefully opens the door

You might be sleeping, he has to be considerate

And sure enough he sees your unconscious form laying in a hospital bed

It looked like you had some broken bones, and multiple bruises and cuts which means someone must have beat the shit out of you

Lovely

That’s what he needed to see

Definitely

Mans doesn’t show emotion that much

But when it comes to you and since it was just you and him in the room

He broke down crying

He couldn’t help it

He grabbed your hand

And just sat there crying

Poor guy can’t lose you

You were the best thing that ever happened to him 🥺

You showed him that it was okay to feel things and express those things and let people in

He let you in and he couldn’t let you go now

He was a genuine mess for the next couple of weeks

Because you weren’t waking up

He went against what Midoriya said and asked around about what happened to you

And what he heard was horrific

Apparently the villain snuck up on you

And hit you in a few different places

And then you fell down

And then you couldn’t access your quirk

And that’s why you were in the hospital

He didn’t want to think about the part that happened after you were virtually defenseless

Around his friends he was spacier than usual

He wasn’t really retaining information

And his agency let him take more days off than usual because they knew he was Going Through It

And luckily on one of those days you woke up

He was next to you as per usual

Holding your hand

Playing with your fingers like he always does when he gets anxious

He missed being able to do that in social situations

Or when you two were cuddling at night and he was thinking about something that was stressing him out and he would start to fiddle with your hand and you would ask him what’s wrong

He missed you

So when he felt your hand start to move by itself

He basically gave himself whiplash with how fast he looked from your hand to your face

Sure enough

Your eyes were open

And you were looking at him

“(Y/n)…”

He whispered your name as not to scare you

You could have a concussion or mild amnesia

He has already considered everything that could be wrong with you

Because he overthinks a lot

And he was nervous about this

And there was one thing he had in the back of his mind

That would probably be the worst case scenario

And much to his fears

That was confirmed to be what was going on almost immediately

“Todoroki?”

He just stares for a moment

You hadn’t called him Todoroki since… well, a long time now

Probably back in your UA days

The two of you began dating in your second year though so

It’s been a while

“You look… older..?”

He clears his throat

Nodding

“Yes. Well… I am 20 years old now. I would hope I look older.”

“Wait, what?”

Oh shit.

He just confused you.

Damnit, Shouto.

“Uhh… well, um. You see…”

“Todoroki what is going on? And why are you holding my hand like that?”

He freezes

He was still playing with your fingers

And it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to

You were just genuinely confused

He knew that

“Before I say anything else that could be detrimental to your mental health, maybe you should ring your nurse.”

You do as he says

And the nurses and a doctor come rushing into your room

They do some evaluations

And sure enough

Your memory has been completely wiped

As has the access to the portion of your brain that allows you to control your quirk

The doctor explains to Todoroki that he’s unsure of how this happened

Bu Todoroki knows it has to be that villain

Whatever that villain did did this to you

And Todoroki isn’t one to show emotions

But boy oh BOY was he riled up right now

He lowkey accidentally caught something on fire

And then to fix it lowkey on purpose just turned it into a block of ice

Even though Endeavor is the worst man on the planet

Mans is persistent on shit that’s for sure

And that’s like

The only trait Shouto got from that literal dumpster fire of a father

And he wasn’t about to let the piece of shit that hurt you get away with it

Of course, when it comes to you as a person he’s very patient

Very understanding

Respects boundaries

But he will not REST

Until the motherfucker who did this to you gets caught by him

And he will find them.

Bakugou Katsuki | DynaMight

OH BOY HERE WE GO

So Bakugou was already very protective over you

I mean that’s expected though

It’s

It’s literally Bakugou

So mans has tabs on you at all times

You don’t know how he does it tbh

He jokes

Yes, Bakugou can joke

He jokes about having a sixth sense when it comes to you

He just gets this feeling about you

If you’re sad? He knows

Happy? He knows

In danger? MANS KNOWS

And I guess he also has a GPS built into his brain???

He just

He knows

Probably because he cares extremely deeply about you

Like really fucking deeply

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

Ever since high school

First day

When you weren’t intimidated by him

There was just something special about you

And even though it took until after graduation and you almost DYING on a mission for him to finally accept that he can FEEL THINGS

He officially asked you to be his girlfriend

I say officially because, well

Y’all have basically been dating since like

Second year of high school

Even though it wasn’t official

It was obvious

He was whipped

He still is

He’s known you for five years

You’ve been officially dating for two of those years

You were unofficially dating for four

You were the most important thing in his life

You even surpassed becoming the number one hero somehow

Though he will NEVER admit that

EVER

It took him a while to realize it

But the thought of living without you?

Scared him more than any villain ever could

And that is why

Mans is all dressed up

Lookin nice

Took a day off of patrol at his agency because tonight is a special night

Of course, you don’t know anything

As it should be

He didn’t tell a soul that he was planning on proposing tonight

Okay… maybe that is a lie

He told Kirishima when he got blackout drunk with the boys one night

Long story, don’t ask how it happened, even the boys don’t know

And Kirishima then proceeded to tell everyone of his other friends

So they all knew

But they also all knew to keep it a FUCKING SECRET unless they wanted blown up

But boy oh boy they were excited to see the pictures and the ring and the everything

But I digress

Bakugou is in the house the two of you purchased a while back

It was very much off the damn grid

For ~safety~

And he’s very much just messing with how he looks

He has to look perfect because he knows you’re about to

And he can’t be proposing to you unless he’s on your level

When suddenly

He gets a

Feeling

But it isn’t the warm feeling he gets when you’re happy

Or the doopy one he gets when you’re sad

Or the wave of exhaustion he feels when you’re tired

Or the tingly feeling he gets when you’re mad

It’s the feeling where his spine tenses

And his blood goes cold

And his heart drops to the floor

The one he only felt one other time

The time you almost died

He was out of that house so fast

He didn’t even care if he looked all nice

You were in danger

He blasted his way through the city

Saying he was frantic is an understatement

He was FERAL

He got to where you were just in time to see you get slammed into the concrete by some piece of shit villain

You were unconscious

And you weren’t moving

He saw red

He didn’t even remember blasting over to the villain and punching them in the face

But he did that

And he did it HARD

Of course the villain was like OH FUCK

THIS IS THE NUMBER TWO HERO

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D ACTUALLY GET HERE THIS FAST

Because obviously the villain knew who you were

That’s why you were targeted

Breaking Bakugou’s spirit is needed if villains want to become more fearful and powerful

The villain starts sprinting away

And before Bakugou can catch them

He hears an ambulance siren

He suddenly forgets all about the villain because he whips around to see you getting loaded onto a gurney

Paramedics are doing everything they can to keep you alive at this point

He’s horrified to say the least

You’re the love of his life

The last time he saw you like this is when he accepted it

Seeing you like this again just makes him realize it even deeper somehow

He runs to the ambulance

But the paramedics tell him he needs to go to the hospital separately because you’re badly injured and they need to perform some procedures on the way to the hospital to keep you alive

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his eyes start to sting

He wants to tell the paramedics to fuck off

Don’t they realize this is supposed to be one of the best days of yours and his lives?

But he can’t

Because before he can

They’re gone

He chases after you though

He needs to be by your side right now

He needs to know that you will be okay

He needs you to be okay

So imagine how nerve-wracking it is for him to learn that you were in surgery

He waited in the waiting room all day long

This incident happened around one in the afternoon

and it was now one in the morning

He was just sitting in the hospital waiting room

Looking down at the little box in his hand

Crying

Which is a sight for anyone who sees him

The ring he bought for you is the only thing he can focus on

He doesn’t even notice the non-stop buzzing in his pocket coming from his and your friends wondering if the two of you are okay because the footage of the fight cut out right before Bakugou punched the villain

They all thought you were both hurt pretty badly

I mean after your quirk was seemingly taken from you…

The only thing that snaps him out of his trance

Is when the doctor comes out and says his name

His head snaps up so fast

He approaches the doctor just as fast

He knows he should expect the worst

But he can’t help but keep repeating that you’re okay

That everything will be fine because you are okay

They fixed you up

You’ll come home all happy

He’ll propose to you in the living room at this point

Today will be fixed

Instead

He hears that although you’re stable

You have what appears to be brain damage

“What kind of fucking brain damage?”

“She has severe amnesia which means that-”

“How severe?”

“Well… according to her brain scan and the fact that she said the year was two and a half years ago, I’m afraid it’s significantly severe.”

Two and a half years

Two and a half years?!

He just stares at the doctor

If you think it’s two and a half years ago

That means he hasn’t asked you out yet

That means in your mind

You’re still in high school

About to graduate

This cannot be happening

There is not way this is happening

“Can I see her?”

His voice sounds foreign to him

The doctor nods

Leading him to your room

He puts the ring back in his pocket out of instinct

And when he enters your room

He wants nothing more than for you to yell something like PSYCH

GOT YOU BLASTY BITCH

HAHAHA

But he’s just met with a your mouth opening wide and eye getting big

“Bakugou?! You’re so dressed up!”

Bakugou

Why didn’t he let you call him Katsuki sooner

Why didn’t he ask you out before two years ago

Why wasn’t he there to save you

“W-Woah… Bakugou, you don’t have to cry this isn’t my first hospital stay… wait, when did you get an undercut?”

He just walks towards you

“You also look… older… is this seriously what you look like when you clean up?”

He watches as your expression falters for a moment

“Wait… are you like… going on a date or something?”

Good to know you still have feelings for him at least

He just nods

And you try to hide the disappointment on your face

“Oh… well, you better tell me all about it when we get back to the dorms.”

Your fake enthusiasm is killing him

What killing him even more though is that the doctors didn’t tell you what was going on

So he’ll tell you instead

“Actually,”

Damnit

His voice is wavering

This is new for him

He clears his throat

“I’m not… I’m not going on a date anymore. I had one but… things didn’t turn out as planned.”

“Oh?”

He almost smiles at the sudden mood shift you had

How can you still be perky like that sitting in a hospital bed

“Yeah… because, um. It was a date with you…”

“…Oh…?”

“You got hurt pretty bad, angel…”

He explains everything to you

Well

As much as he can

And he also finds out about your quirk

And how it’s just

Gone

You have to stay in the hospital tonight for further testing tomorrow

And you insist that he goes home

But he says it isn’t home if you’re not there

He stays in the chair right next to your bed

Watching you as you sleep

He knows you believe him

He knows that you have feeling for him

But he’s broken, truly

Not only was he not your hero today

He didn’t save you

He doesn’t know if you’ll ever remember any of those years with him

Any of your firsts

And that makes him ache

He pulls out your ring again

And just looks at it

The only light in the room is the moonlight peaking in through the window

And in that moment

He swears to himself

And to you

That the villain who did this

Is going to pay

Kirishima Eijirou | Red Riot

Eijirou has always been your rock

Figuratively and literally

He’s there for you through everything

And I mean everything

The two of you have been next door neighbors since you were kids

And he literally always had a crush on you

Of course the feelings were mutual

But neither you nor shark boy knew that

Until y’all got to high school

And Bakugou was very

Annoyed

About the two of you pining for each other

Mina was beyond annoyed

She went to middle school with you two

So when Bakugou finally just

Screamed at the two of you to just shut the fuck up with the flirting and date already

Mina deadass jumped out of her seat at lunch and screamed thank you at the top of her lungs

Of course the two of you were as red as his hair

Which, yes

You did help him pick out the exact shade and helped dye as well

His hands were stained red because he accidentally only bought one pair of gloves and it wouldn’t have been manly to make you help without gloves on

But I digress

The two of you started dating shortly after that

And when I tell you that you were the couple everyone would look at and be all “awwwww”

I MEAN IT

And y’all are just in high school

Granted, it’s your final year and the two of you are both interning and are already confirmed to become sidekicks and Fatgum’s Agency

So y’all do be a little mature

But still

You started dating freshman year

And you’re going strong still

Of course

And words cannot describe how relieved he is that the two of you are at the same agency

Because if anything ever went bad he would be there to save you

And you would be there to save him

But literally nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen to you

It was a normal patrol

The two of you were together

Talking about graduation next week

And how the two of you were excited to move out of the dorms and into the apartment you had picked

And how you would finally be able to adopt the little mutt that the two of you love from the shelter

When out of no where

A villain popped down off of a building

Right behind you

And did something weird to you

They hit you meticulously and in specific places

Before Kirishima could even process what was going on

You were on the ground

Of course

You raised an arm

Ready to fight and use your quirk

But nothing happened

You tried again

Nothing

You and Kirishima make eye contact and he can feel the fear radiating off of you

Now he was worried

Very worried

But you knew how to fight

And he was there, too

So this wouldn’t end too bad

UNTIL THERE WAS A FUCKING EXPLOSION IN THE BUILDING THE VILLAIN JUST POPPED OUT OF

You were already back on your feet

Ready to fight this motherfucker

“Go help the people inside, Red Riot. I can handle this one.”

“But-”

“GO!”

He goes

Reluctantly

But he does know you can hold your own

Even if that villain temporarily blocked your quirk

He hardens

Turning his headpiece into a filtering mask (a great addition he thought of so he could run into burning buildings while hardened to save people and not take damage to his lungs in the process)

And luckily

There were only three people inside

So he grabs them and runs out

Easy

And he’s expecting to be met with you handcuffing the bad guy

But instead

He’s met with you getting the life beat out of you

Literally

You’re on the ground

The villain pulled out swords while he was gone

And it was obvious you were down and weren’t gettingup

But the villain just wasn’t letting up

Kirishima’s legs work before his brain

He runs over to the villain and lands a punch to their face

Which causes them to stumble backwards

Before they throw the swords at a random citizen who is observing

He immediately runs to the citizen, deflecting the swords

But the villain ran off in the mean time

Like they disappeared without a trace

But honestly

Even if they were still there

Kirishima would have run to you regardless

He immediately kneels down

“(Y/n)?! (Y/n), can you hear me?!”

He ditched the hero names this time

You weren’t responding

You were out cold

He starts panicking

Full on hyperventilating

You looked bad

You were pierced by the villains swords in your side

Blood was everywhere

Your breathing was shallow

Regardless of the genuine panic attack he was going through right now

He somehow managed to control his breathing so you wouldn’t bleed out on the ground

He needed to help you

He picks you up

Instantly starting to sprint to the ambulances beginning to pull up

As soon as the paramedics see the state you’re in they get you off of him

And speed off to the hospital

Kirishima is left alone

Staring at his hands

Which were dyed red with your blood

All he could see was your face laughing at him because he forgot to get two pairs of gloves the first time you helped him dye his hair

…He didn’t like red all that much right now

After what feels like hours

But was really like two minutes

Tamaki shows up

Because he heard there was something going on

And as soon as he sees Kirishima on the ground and sobbing

He knows something bad has happened to you

He quickly gets him out of there

And back to the agency

Where Kirishima accidentally sees a replay of the fight on television

And he sees that you were fighting the villain just fine

But they were so nimble and fast

And all they did was hit the nape of your neck and then the side of your temple

And you collapsed

Tamaki turned the television off before the full fight was shown

But the damage was done

Kirishima was back on the ground

Tamaki tries to comfort him

But Kirishima is out of commission

“I couldn’t save her, Tamaki! I wasn’t there!”

“…C-Come on, Kirishima… w-we should… go to the hospital…”

Tamaki is trying so hard to get him to calm down

But to no avail

So eventually he just drags him out and to his car

He speeds to the hospital

And Kirishima doesn’t even wait for the car to slow down to run inside

He has to wait to see you

Since you were punctured

But he was willing to wait

And wait he did

For four days

Of course after you were done with your surgery he was allowed in your room

But it was a matter of waiting for you to wake up

He was always with you

He only went home to shower

He slept at the hospital

He needed to be with you

So when you finally woke up

He cried tears of happiness for the first time in days

“(Y/n), thank god you’re awake.”

“Eiji? What happened…?”

“There was a villain attack and they knocked you out and-”

“Why don’t you look 15?”

“What?”

“You look… older… and your hair is longer.”

“…What? You were the one who encouraged me to grow it out…”

“I… I was?”

He stares at you for a moment

His happy tears turning into ones of fear

Before hitting the call nurse button and asking you a question

“(Y/n) what grade are we in?”

“We’re freshmen at UA High School.”

No.

No, no, no, no, no

Before he could answer the doctor and nurses came in the room

They started asking you a bunch of questions

To which you answered the best you could

But it was obvious that you were convinced it was two years ago

The doctors took you off to do scans of your brain

This can’t be happening

You think it’s two years ago

Two years

So much has happened within those two years

The two of you have done so much

Just

Imagine how devastated he is when he hears your memory is just gone

And your quirk with it

You were a hero

Your quirk can’t be gone

“Eiji… please don’t cry, it’ll be okay.”

“I can’t help it, pebble. I wasn’t there to save you and now… now you don’t remember everything we’ve done. And… and your quirk… you’re the best hero I know, and now…”

“Eijirou, I promise you it will be okay. As long as you’ll be with me, like you always are, I will be fine.”

He doesn’t say anything

He just looks at his hand holding yours

At least you still remember he asked you to be his girlfriend

But he is deadset on finding the villain who did this to you

“I will get you out of this.”

“Ei…”

“I will fix this. I promise you. I will save you. I need to.”

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jackrrabbit · 4 years ago

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College AU drinking HCs /// Dabi, Shigaraki, & Overhaul x f!Reader (18+)

A/N: A little background for this college AU—imo the PLF would be a social frat and the Shie Hassaikai is a professional frat (pre-med). Sooner or later I’ll write general college AU headcanons for them…

Tags/warnings: implied dubcon/drunk sex, alcohol, problematic frat culture things, pressure to drink, brief mentions of public sex/exhibitionism, drug use, a tiny bit of degradation, Hawks is vaguely in it too

Dabi

A basic frat bitch who drinks beer 80% of the time

Surprisingly he can’t tolerate cheap beer and is kind of a snob about people who drink shitty beer but he doesn’t bring it up enough to be annoying about it. Constantly blowing the frat’s alc budget on bottled beer instead of cans, not the super expensive craft bullshit but a step above Natural Light at least, right guys? Come on

Dabi always volunteers to go with Keigo (the frat’s social chair) to pick up the keg because both of them have a crusade against the cheap stuff—Keigo because he wants people to get drunk on it at parties and Dabi because he wants to drink it himself. They lowkey have a bromance over it and sometimes go to breweries together to fuck around and daydrink. The two of them are always trying new beers and will generally keep a different sixpack in the fridge every day—if any of the other brothers drink their overpriced IPAs by accident there’ll be consequences

Speaking of Keigo, him and Dabi are both into making jungle juice. They both get really excited about it, it’s kinda wholesome except they’re both just plotting on how to get cute girls like you as drunk as possible without realizing. They’ve spent a bunch of weekends together trying different mixes and recipes for the best flavor/alcohol content combination

Dabi is a whole ass heavyweight. He’s been getting drunk since he was like 11 so a couple rounds of shots are basically water to him. He can’t even remember the last time he was really, really drunk, he just gets tipsy now. And believe he absolutely uses this to his advantage

You’re drinking together? He’s going to fill up your cup every time he fills up his own, so before you realize how much you’ve been drinking, you’re five drinks in and swaying on the spot while Dabi is completely unfazed. He’ll tease you about having no tolerance to make you drink more

Drinking games!! Once again his tolerance gives him an advantage. He’ll pull some fake chivalrous shit like offering to drink for you on the first round of beer pong and then after that he’s just going to demolish you until you’re so plastered he basically has to carry you up to his room (which has empty liquor bottles lined up on the shelves as “decor” because he’s such a stereotypical frat bro)

Ok this is kinda weird but bear with me—Dabi actually dislikes that alcohol makes you less responsive/makes it harder for you to cum. Doesn’t mean he’ll hesitate to get you drunk but he wants you to feel everything he’s doing to you and alcohol isn’t really conducive to that

Very laid-back when he’s tipsy, you can barely tell the difference from when he’s sober ♡

Shigaraki Tomura

A liiiiiiiightweight. 3 drinks and Tomura’s out bruv, out like a goddamn lightbulb, I said what I said

Although tbh it’s more like he gets drunk really quick and then sobers up really quick. Like he’ll be nodding off at the pregame but by the time the party starts, he’s ready to get going again

A wimp when it comes to alc preferences. Hates the taste of strong liquor and will never take shots without a chaser. Prefers to mix vodka and tequila rather than doing shots, preferably with root beer/sprite. Gets pissy if the party runs out of shit to chase with. The frat has a steady supply of amaretto and kahlua because of Tomura, he really likes sweet drinks

Genuinely hates beer and will take white claw over beer any day of the week. But he’s a frat president so he avoids talking about it bc it’s pretty embarrassing

Don’t tell anyone but…Tomura doesn’t really like drinking? Since he’s the president he has to be in charge of a lot of shit when they have parties. Drunk freshmen puking in the backyard? Tomura has to tell Dabi (recruitment chair) to find some pledges to clean it up. Fight breaks out? Tomura has to make sure no one gets hurt enough to get the frat in trouble with school admin. Undercover cops? Tomura’s the one who has to announce that they’re out of alc and shut it down

It’s annoying enough for Tomura to deal with that shit (not to mention get Keigo to stop fucking freshman girls and pull his weight as social chair) when he’s sober, and it’s 100x worse when he’s drunk

On the other hand, when Tomura gets drunk he’ll get really drunk. Doesn’t dance so he’ll just sit on the couch and maybe play handheld games, and he’ll get super annoyed bc he’s shit at games when his vision is blurry and his hands are shaking

Pretty suggestible when he’s been drinking. If you’re dating Tomura you can get him to do all kinds of crap after you get a few shots in him. Make him do your skincare routine with you and put face masks on together :,) He’ll never admit it but he likes being taken care of when he’s wasted

ON THE OTHER HAND THO…….if you’re not dating and instead just some random chick at one of his parties? Tomura will absolutely use being drunk as an excuse to creep on you. e.g. at kickbacks he’ll get you to play never have I ever/truth or dare so he can ask invasive questions

Are you a virgin?

How old were you when you lost it? Oh wow, you’re a slut/prude.

Body count?

Do you like sucking cock?

Ever let a guy tie you up/choke you/cum inside?

You keep answering because he seems super detached/disinterested, like he doesn’t really care about your answers or he’s just joking around. Little do you know…

Honestly a sneak creep—Tomura seems like he doesn’t give a shit about you until he’s groping you under your shirt on the dance floor, hands squeezing your tits before he shoves them into your shorts and tells you he’s going to wreck this little pussy as soon as he gets you alone ♔

Chisaki Kai

You know Kai drinks, but you never really see him drinking? It’s weird…he’s always holding a bottle when you run into him at parties but he never takes off the cloth mask he’s wearing

Brings his own alcohol to parties because no fucking way he’s going to be drinking the same nasty shit that the hosts are providing. Jungle juice? You’ve got to be fucking kidding. Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is? Even thinking about it makes Kai want to throw up

Highkey a drug dealer although he doesn’t do much himself except maybe coke or adderall…Kai can sell you basically anything and all his shit is that high-quality you can’t usually get from a campus dealer

At the same time, if Kai’s planning on fucking you he probably won’t give you that much because he doesn’t want to babysit you when you get crossed

Likes Asian liquors, very on-brand for him. Baijiu, shōchū, sake, that kind of thing. Drinks a fair amount of soju but he exclusively buys boring flavors like “fresh” or “classic”

When it comes to Western liquor, Kai has better taste than most students. Would rather drink vinegar than any alcohol that came out of a plastic bottle, box, or bag. He likes top-shelf whiskey and gin and he’s good with strong alcohol; if you wince after taking a shot he’ll definitely look down on you

Prefers afterparties and kickbacks to big parties, and will take roof/outdoor events over crowds. Hasn’t set foot inside a social frat since he was a freshman and doesn’t plan to. Very much the “let’s get out of here, I have something stronger at my place” type

Fuck, you’re so trusting when you’re drunk…he could probably put a leash and collar on you and you’d thank him. It’s sort of baffling how bubbly and sweet you are when Kai gets a little liquor in you; he can’t decide if it’s annoying or a turn-on

Kai has average tolerance but unbelievable self-control and awareness, so he’s careful not to get too drunk himself

Likewise, if he’s interested he’ll keep a close eye on how much you’re drinking and how trashed you are, because when he gets around to fucking you he wants you to be fuzzy enough that he can easily take advantage but not too sloppy. Wouldn’t want you gagging on his cock after all

Loves watching you stumble around and fall over shit while he’s just shy of sobriety. Only time you’ve ever seen Kai laugh is when you drunkenly asked him for help walking once. No way. If you can’t walk by yourself you should just crawl

When Kai actually gets drunk, he’s pretty much the same except a little more sleepy/lazy. If he’s sitting down he has a habit of nodding off in the middle of conversations. It’s lowkey cute but Setsuno brought it up once and Kai got pissed so don’t mention it to him ♢

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dinosaurtsukki · 4 years ago

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BSD x university au hc’s | pt. 1

hi i am an absolute slut for university au’s in case you couldn’t tell so i just had to write some for my first BSD post. also this is going to be slightly ooc because i am a crackhead

check out pt. 2 here

***********************************************

Atsushi Nakajima:

he’s definitely the kind of guy who still had no idea what he’d take up in university even after he was accepted

either wants to not major in anything at all or just major in everything because he’s also scared that he’ll eventually not like what he’s majoring in

so for his first two years you’d probably find him jumping around different classes

also he still calls the professors ‘teacher ____’ like a high school student and everyone laughs but thinks its cute

eventually, because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he decided he wanted to help children by becoming a guidance counselor

he ends up taking Child Psychology and bOY does he love it so much

well he actually just loves all of his classes because Learning is Fun

although because of his *cough cough* traumatic childhood he’s the one in class that people are all like 👀👀

atsushi: *talking about children’s responses to fear and emotional abuse by talking about his own emotional abuse*

the professor, under their breath: wait, do you need help??

i can definitely see atsushi as a Roommate of the Year kind of guy. he’s just so polite and tidy with his room. also he’d definitely be the type to take care of plants inside the dorm room and put them on the windowsill

in terms of extracurricular activities, he’s definitely a sporty type of person so i can see him joining a varsity (something like Frisbee because he likes things that go whoooosh) but he’d probably join a student org that does stuff like community outreach

because of all this, he is a Very Busy Boy but his friends do manage to drag him out to parties once in a while

although atsushi would probably sit in a corner and drink only one beer for the entire night

he’s notorious for helping drunk people though. most of the time he’ll be putting blankets on people and making them drink water

if he knew how to drive he’d definitely be the designated driver

Akiko Yosano:

omg i’m so excited for this i love yosano so much

she’s the friend who’s just effortlessly awesome all around and a fricking MED STUDENT to top it all off

she gets a bit too excited when it’s dissection time but it’s alright she has good intentions

probably the only one in your class who doesn’t go and throw up whenever a cadaver is being used (actually do they still use cadavers i have absolutely no idea)

she also interns at the local hospital as part of her degree program but OMG yosano will not stop telling disgusting stories about the patients she’s had

everyone: *eating lunch peacefully in the dining hall*

yosano: so i pulled a guy’s toe out of a meat grinder this morning

everyone: sHUT UP

for some reason she still has a social life despite being a med student and it’s one of the mysteries of life i guess

yosano LOVES going out clubbing on friday nights. if you have the fortune of being her roommate, be prepared for make-overs and being dragged with her out to the city

she’s such a social butterfly like at every bar you go to, the bartender knows her name and her regular order. she’d probably end the night befriending a couple more people

also she’s amazing at karaoke i kid you not

as for extracurricular life, i don’t think yosano’s the type to join an org that’s related to her major cause like ‘what’s the point?’

instead, she’d probably go wherever her friends are because to her, she’ll enjoy any activity as long as she’s with people she loves

but when it comes to her own interests, i can definitely see yosano as someone who loves the outdoors, especially hiking after having to be cooped up inside clinics

it just makes her love and appreciate the value of life more

Kunikida Doppo:

ok, i KNOW he was a math teacher before he joined the ADA bUT i can’t help but think of him as a political science major ??

i can definitely imagine kunikida as someone who’d want to become a lawyer someday and would take political science as a pre-law

he does like the idea of following in the footsteps of great men but omg kunikida would absolutely hate the exclusivity of white, male political theorists

he is such a good student except for when his professor has some sketchy values then kunikida will !! fight him !! every !! chance !! he gets !!

raises his hand constantly to contradict his professor if they even tRY to defend thomas hobbes and authoritarianism

but other than that he’s probably the most diligent student out there. kunikida genuinely enjoys doing the readings for class and writing essays

also has such a balanced schedule that he can make time for anything and everything

except for when his friends dazai drag him out to parties and get a social life

despite how rigid he is, kunikida has absolutely no problem helping out others with learning. he often holds study sessions in his dorm room or in the library before exams

he also likes to volunteer in tutorial centers because he’s just like that

OH OH some of his ‘students’ suggested that he make crash-course type videos for political science and it took some convincing but eventually kunikida decided to go for it

he’s not the most tech savvy or photogenic person so it took some time for him to get used to things but after seeing all the comments from people who benefited from it, he decided to continue with his crash course videos

whether or not he’s the best or worst roommate is completely up to you. if you like someone who’ll basically micromanage your life from your daily schedule to your study habits, you’ll absolutely love him

he doesn’t like to go out for parties that much but he will if his friends convince him enough (kunikida’s an utter lightweight when it comes to drinking though)

Osamu Dazai:

i genuinely have a hard time thinking about what this guy’s major would be and tbh even his friends have been wondering what dazai’s major was for TWO YEARS

that’s because he keeps taking the most random ass classes like Basic Pottery or Intro to Molecular Biology in the same semester

idk how he even plans to graduate at this point

although to be honest, i can definitely see him as a philosophy major despite the fact that i LOATHE every male classmate i’ve had who’s a philosophy major (idk they’re always so condescending)

i feel like dazai’s just taking that because it’s somewhat challenging for him but to him, university life is just more of crazy experiences rather than learning

and oh my god has he gotten up to the weirdest shit

the number of times he had to climb gates or sleep on benches at three a.m. is too many to count

dazai also loves volunteering for random things like people’s thesis projects (once, he offered to be a snake venom tester to a bio student and they told him that was illegal) or even being the school’s mascot in games

also he and kunikida probably met each other in freshman year at an intro to philosophy class and oh my god did dazai get on his nerves

what’s worse was that they had to work on a group project together and dazai was MIA most of the time and it drove kunikida crazy

that is until dazai showed up last minute to pull an all-nighter with him for their paper and kunikida just couldn’t help but be impressed by dazai’s ~~intellect~~

they don’t exactly get along but they do have some mutual respect for each other enough to work on projects well

omg if dazai ends up being your roommate I WISH YOU LUCK

the first time you walked into your room dazai was microwaving a metal bowl and you had to run to stop it in time

also he has a tendency to wear his headphones and sing his favorite double suicide song out loud

kunikida please come pick him up

Edogawa Ranpo:

i love this one man so much i swear to god

ranpo is definitely the kind of person who just didn’t like school so when college applications came around he was just like ‘why bother though ???’

his friends did convince him by saying that he wouldn’t have to do subjects he wouldn’t like and just focus on his major (this is a lie btw)

is it a surprise that ranpo would choose forensic science ?? NO

he thinks its cool that he can learn about something he’s already super good at and it just gets him really pumped up to show off how good he is

LOVES getting praised by his classmates and professors

ranpo probably thinks lectures are boring as hell so sometimes he just,,, doesn’t,,, come,,, to class

if attendance IS required you can bet he’s bringing snacks and game consoles with him and sitting WAAAAY in the back of the room

Mukbang at a Lecture Hall with Edogawa Ranpo

his classmates think its cute that he puts on glasses before doing exams or answering his prof’s questions as a way to hype himself up

everyone calls him ‘The Greatest Detective’ and ranpo LOVES IT

despite that, he’s not too overly social he just likes being with his close group of friends UwU

he’s also someone you can drag around to places like the fair or an aquarium, but he’s not into clubbing or drinking for that matter

he DOES enjoy seeing his friends get drunk and mess with them though

ranpo isn’t into joining student organizations BUT he gets scouted a lot by detective agencies and he likes interning for them

i’m saying detective agencies because police are gross

ranpo did end up joining a baking club with the assumption that he would just be EATING the cake and not BAKING the cake

yeah he was just there for less than half a semester

***********************************************

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @tpwkatsumu @laure-chan

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #atsushi nakajima #akiko yosano #kunikida doppo #osamu dazai #edogawa ranpo #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs headcanons #bsd writing #bungou stray dogs writing #bsd university au #bungou stray dogs university au #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd scenarios #bungou stray dogs scenarios

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writesowhatnext · 4 years ago

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the feeling that we’re meeting // sirius black

Summary: Sirius Black has never liked the reader and this he made known. Maybe it’s because she’s a Slytherin. Maybe it was the bat-bogey hex. Strange, though, how things change with a war in full throttle.

Request: hello :) can i have an angst to fluff w sirius pls? (slowburn) post-hogwarts a few years where y/n was one of the main targets along w snape for james’ and sirius’ ridiculing and bullying, and they were just dreadful to her (she was in slytherin) :( but then a few years after hogwarts she joins the order and sirius acts just rlly immature and mean to her but then slowly starts falling for her as he starts noticing little aspects of her personality :) and at the end can there be like a fluffy cuddling scene where she asks him why he was so nasty to her and he talks ab how guilty and sorry he is :) ty babe!

A/N: I liked this request tbh bc it’s so important to remember that sirius is a brill character bc he’s so realistic with his equal good and bad traits – I was a bit liberal with canon context but I can’t say I don’t enjoy a world with James and Lily alive :) Also I listened to ‘For the First Time’ by The Script when I was writing and I agree

Reader: female, Slytherin

Warnings: female!reader, drinking, death eater parents, innuendo I suppose, also long af, injury, parental abuse, battle, deaths

Every time you tiptoed down the stairs of number twelve Grimmauld Place, you had to remind yourself that the war was far more important than whatever colour you’d like to dye Sirius Black’s hair. You considered pink, but thought better of it when you realised, he’d probably enjoy it.

It had been months, but you remembered the first time you set foot into the Black family home like it was yesterday. Following Dumbledore through the strange threshold, your nerves climbing as you heard the strangely familiar voices of the boys that had tormented you till you cried from the other room, you found yourself pulling at your sleeves, desperate to be anywhere else. The silence that fell as you stepped out from behind the Head of the Order was suffocating, and you could feel all eyes were on you. Biting the bullet, you glanced up from the crusty carpet, facing people you’d never wanted to see again. You recognised them all despite the years passed, standing together equally unenthused to see you. Remus was taller, impossibly, than you remembered him and Lily’s face was all angles now. Sirius’s hair was longer and styled differently, more like a muggle’s, but James still had the same half-broken glasses, and Peter the same child-like roundness to his cheeks.

“This, as I’m sure you know,” Dumbledore began, crossing his arms over his front. “Is Y/N-“

“Dumbledore, Sir,” James interjected, his tone as incredulous as his expression.

“You can’t be serious!”

You exhaled sharply from your nose at Sirius’ words, dipping your head when it seemed no one else saw the irony.

“Y/N is an excellent witch and she’ll be an excellent addition to the Order.”

“Sir,” Sirius huffed, shooting you a glare before stepping forward towards Dumbledore. “Her parents are death eaters; you can’t possibly trust her.”

“Remind me, Sirius,” you said, your voice echoing in the room for the first time. “What was tattooed on your brother’s arm.”

Although you were entirely correct, you felt a pang of guilt at the hurt that flashed in his eyes before the ever-familiar Black scowl creased his brow. Dumbledore’s presence beside you suddenly felt less and less comforting.

“She was always excellent in Charms,” Remus said gently. You faced him sharply, surprised to see his eyes so apologetic.

“And Defence Against the Dark Arts,” Lily’s tone was light and you were oddly pleased to see a smile on her face. You hoped that meant you would have at least one friend here.

“I wonder bloody why,” Sirius muttered, storming past you into the kitchen, shoulder hitting yours. You clenched your jaw, biting your lip to avoid saying something you’d reject.

“I hope you will treat Miss Y/N with the respect all allies deserve in this time. She’s risking her life to spy for us. You are all aware of what she’s put on the line for this,” Dumbledore said, an air of finality to his tone before he left you there, in the lion’s den, alone.

“Well,” Lily said, standing up from the armchair she’d been nestled into. She offered you a calloused and freckled hand with a smile. “Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix.”

It didn’t take long for the older members of the Order to trust you; they didn’t care about petty squabbles and rivalries, only the information you could provide. The story, however, wasn’t the same with your old Gryffindor pals. Lily, you accepted with equal parts hesitance and glee, was a fast friend. She had got into the habit of asking you how you were daily and offering you tea in the mornings. Sometimes, after a long mission, you found yourself talking into the night with her.

“Wait, wait,” you said, hand sloppily gripping the stem of an old wine glass you’d found in the cupboards. “You and Potter are married?”

She giggled at your response, leaning her elbow on the armchair next to her as she careened forward, the carpet crunching at the shift.

“Yes,” she nodded, smiling brightly. “I was just as surprised as you, at first, but he-“ a hiccup escaped her lips, earning a round of laughter from you both. “He’s a sweet guy. A tosser, by all means, but loyal and brave and kind.”

You’d never considered James Potter any of those things at Hogwarts, but now, in the real world, you found yourself slowly warming up to him.

“He’s changed, you know,” she said earnestly, suddenly a lot soberer than you felt. “They all have.”

You pursed your lips, taking another sip of the dark wine in your glass.

“Sirius hasn’t.”

She sighed, rubbing her eye with the knuckle of her thumb.

“He’s always hated me.”

Speaking of the devil, a familiar shadow appeared in the doorway before you could carry on your conversation. Sirius stared at you for a moment, his dark eyes locked on your face. He swallowed, mouth curling downwards slightly as he looked at your messy hair and casual position, sat in a place he’d hated for years. Something stirred in his chest and his expression shifted ever so slightly, but before you could question it, he disappeared up the stairs. You huffed, shaking your head as you turned back to Lily.

“See?”

It wasn’t another twenty minutes before James walked in, an amused grin playing on his lips at his wife’s tipsy state.

“C’mon, love. Let’s get you to bed,” he said, gently taking Lily’s arm to lift her up.

“Wow,” she said, whispering very loudly to you. “James Potter with a good idea; there’s a first.”

“Oi!” he laughed, poking her in the ribs and catching the wine glass before she could throw it onto the floor. It would’ve been a shame, you thought sarcastically, if someone ruined such a lovely carpet. He turned to you then, still smiling.

“Cheers, Y/N.”

He shot you a wink before escorting Lily upstairs, her drunk rambling fading the further away they got. You chuckled under your breath, pleased that maybe you weren’t such an outcast as you took another sip. Your mood soured dramatically, though, as you remembered the time, not exactly excited to be returning to your parents.

The next week, you had a few days between missions. Although you probably should’ve been resting at home like everyone else was, Remus included, you ended up on all fours in the Black family living room, pulling up carpet. Remus sat in the armchair at the other end of the room, a newspaper in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. Occasionally, he’d throw a teasing remark at you or ask for help with a tricky crossword clue, but mostly the silence that settled between you was comfortable. You were halfway across the room, surprised you hadn’t thrown up yet at the awful stains on the underside of the carpet, specifically avoiding the one that looked like blood.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked you from the doorway. You looked up, blowing a loose strand of hair from your face as you met Sirius’ eyes. You frowned, sitting back on your feet, carpet still in your hands.

“The laundry,” you replied dryly, a smile tugging at your lips to hear Remus snort into his mug.

“My mother loved this carpet,” he said, a strange look on his face. If you hadn’t known him better, you would’ve mistaken it for approval.

“And a charming family keepsake it is.”

He stared at you for a moment, his gaze steady and unreadable. You doubted whether destroying the carpet without asking him was such a good idea.

“Thank you.”

Without giving you a second to process, he turned left, the front door slamming not a second later. With wide eyes and your jaw on the floor, you looked to Remus, who seemed just as surprised as you.

“Did that just happen?”

He nodded slowly, his brows drawing together. You hummed, matching his frown before you started pulling roughly at the carpet and he returned to his paper.

“Six letter word for a muggle screenplay?”

You didn’t think that much more about Sirius’ gratitude in the next few days, too busy with keeping your lies straight and the war to waste time on why you hated each other. You did notice, despite yourself, that he seemed gradually less and less opposed to your presence. His conversations seemed to dry up less when you entered a room, his glare settled on you less often in Order meetings. As things got more and more difficult at home, the pressure from your parents to get the dark mark growing, it was the small things that helped.

“Y/N,” Peter said one morning, crossing his arms on the breakfast table. You��d warmed to Peter; he was always a little lost, a little wayward. It made you smile most of the time and you couldn’t help the motherly instinct you felt toward him, despite your similarity in age.

“Do you have a spare towel?”

“Why? What did you do with yours?”

A blush covered his cheeks and immediately you found that you really did not want to hear his answer.

“Yeah, I’ll fetch it,” you said, moving to exit the kitchen with a great deal of haste. You’d stayed at the headquarters a few times after hard or early morning missions and Sirius, despite your history, had been kind enough to give you towels to use. You’d been sure, though, that Kreacher, the house-elf, was behind that.

You hadn’t anticipated seeing Sirius in the corridor, muttering to himself as he stood next to the velvet curtain on the wall. His arms were full of what could only be described as junk, the nail of an old bed-frame catching on the fabric. He didn’t notice you behind him as he struggled and with a decidedly irritated yank, he pulled the wooden post free. However, much to his chagrin, and everyone in the house’s eardrums, the curtains fell loose and an extortionately loud screeching filled the air.

“This house is full of blood traitors! Mudbloods!” it hissed, echoing through all the rooms. Seeing Sirius’ arms full, you bent down next to him and gripped the metal rod of the curtain, eager to put it back into place. He jumped a little when he saw you, stumbling out the way slightly, his eyebrows threading together as the high-pitched shouting continued. You took one look at the ugly, yellowing woman in the portrait and shoved the curtain in front of her face, hoping you’d never see it again. It took some jiggling, but soon the portrait was covered and you could only hear rustling behind the fabric, muzzled yells rattling the frame.

“A charming woman, your Mother was. I’m surprised you don’t leave the curtains open all the time,” you said, a distasteful expression tainting your features. Sirius looked at you for a moment, his jaw clenching slightly.

“It’s okay,” you said, smiling a little. “You can laugh.”

He didn’t, but the slight upward curve of his lip didn’t escape you.

“Did you ever have the pleasure to meet her in the flesh?” he asked. Your brows raised at the first real question he’d asked you since you joined the Order.

“No, sadly not,” you crossed your arms and leant on the door. “My parents spoke highly of her, though, which is never the best sign.”

He only nodded, standing awkwardly for a moment before turning to leave. You blinked, before remembering where you’d been going.

“Sirius,” you began, the light tone not suiting his name in your mouth. “Do you have spare towels? Peter-“

Sirius smirked, a strangely handsome expression on him.

“Peter dropped chocolate frogs all over his again,” he huffed, shaking his head. “Just ask Kreacher.”

You barely paid attention to him leaving as you wandered upstairs, in search of the grumpy house-elf. You were pleased to know that Peter’s towel hadn’t been ruined by something more suspect than chocolate, but you couldn’t deny that you were even more pleased that you’d finally had an interaction with Sirius that didn’t involve a row.

Your next interaction, though, was less than ideal. You stumbled toward twelve Grimmauld place with a throbbing headache and shaky legs. Your parents had not been kind when they discovered your treachery, your place in the Order; you were lucky to escape with your life. That’s all you could tell yourself as you dragged yourself up the steps, knocking loudly on the door. It was just your luck for Sirius, of all people, to open it. His expression was at first worried before he realised it was you and a frown settled on his features. As you looked down, trying to concentrate on the swaying floor, you didn’t notice the concern that returned upon seeing your injuries.

“What the blood-“ he began, grunting slightly as you collapsed into him, no longer able to keep your body upright.

You woke the next day in a clean bed with a dull headache. The house-elf shuffling around your room had garnered your attention, and you blinked at him as he placed towels, sheets and clothes in a pile next to the bed.

“Kreacher?” you asked, your voice sore in your throat. “Why am I here?”

“You’re a blood trait-“

You shot him a dry look.

“I mean, how did I get here? Why are you putting clothes out?”

The house-elf sighed, a grizzly sound.

“Master Sirius ordered me to,” he said gruffly. “Said you shall be living here.”

“Oh.”

You frowned, barely registering Kreacher as he made to leave.

“Thank you,” you called after him, earning a grumble in response.

You and Sirius never spoke about the fact that you were now living in the Order Headquarters, in his house, but you never forgot the kindness he showed you. It was a strange feeling, to be grateful to Sirius Black, especially after everything he’d done to you as a student. The topic of your parents didn’t even come up until the night before a particularly difficult mission planning to infiltrate a meeting of death eaters.

“Lily,” you said, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with the others dotted around, even Sirius. “I don’t know if I should come on this mission.”

“What?” Remus asked, placing the chocolate he’d been aiming from his mouth down on the tablecloth.

“I was useful to the Order when I knew things and now,” your voice broke slightly at the memory of the last time you’d seen your parents. “Now I have no information and I might have to… I might have to fight the people that raised me tonight and they don’t have any qualms about killing me or any of you where we stand.”

“Exactly!” James said, moving his arm from the back of Lily’s chair to rest his elbows on the table. “They don’t care about killing us. They killed Gideon and Fabien. You saw what they did to Frank and Alice.”

Your chest tightened. Frank and Alice had always been kind to you; now they were at St. Mungo’s.

“Information or not,” Sirius said, surprising everyone. “You’re a good fighter; we need that.”

The silence that followed his words made you feel like you were missing something as you stared at him, seeing his eyes soft for the first time.

“Sirius is right,” Lily said, nodding. “We have to do all we can; you know that more than most of us.”

The mission had been horrendous.

It had been a bloodbath of proportions you’d never seen before. You’d lost Benjy and Caradoc and Dorcas; people you looked up to. You’d expected losses in a war, you weren’t stupid, but you’d never anticipated the weight behind a spell thrown by your own parents. Despite your own casualties, you’d taken out six death eaters and despite yourself, you were glad your parents weren’t among them. The journey back to the house was a quiet one: Lily busied herself with James’ broken arm and Remus wiped the blood from Sirius’ forehead, dabbing delicately at the cut above his eyebrow. You all disbanded when you got inside, tired and aching, disappearing into your rooms with heavy hearts.

You couldn’t sleep, though, too haunted by the flashes that appeared behind your eyes. It must’ve been past midnight when you tiptoed downstairs, more desperate than ever to not agitate the portrait. You didn’t notice Sirius in the kitchen until you’d shut the door behind you, jumping out of your skin to see him sat there with a glass and a bottle of firewhiskey.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, lifting his glass and taking a swig. You’d come down for tea, but the idea of numbing your senses appealed. He must’ve noticed the way your eyes lingered on his glass and without a word, he reached behind him to grab another, pouring you a liberal shot. You sat down almost tentatively, fingers gliding around the edges of the glass.

He watched with an amused smile as you downed the whole thing, wincing at the burn before you rested it back on the table. He filled it again immediately.

“Rough night.”

“Indeed,” you said, rubbing your eyes and sighing. “I never thought we’d be here.”

He raised an eyebrow, stretching the bandage on his forehead as his lips pressed against the rim of the glass.

“Me and you,” you laughed a little. “Drinking together.”

“Not something I’d have bet on,” he muttered, laughing too. Your smiles both faded as you looked at each other, though, across the plastic gingham table cloth.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

The question tumbled from your lips before you could stop it.

“I don’t hate you.”

You shot him a very dry glance. He shook his head and sighed, putting his glass down a little too loudly before running a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but you.

“You’re a pureblood Slytherin,” he said, running his hands over his face. “And I hated it. I hated anyone that reminded me of this place. And you- you were everything my parents wanted me to be: smart, loyal… dark, I thought.”

You nodded, sipping your drink quietly.

“You were an easy target, too, for a pillock like me. Didn’t have that many friends-“

“That was because they were all stuck-up death eaters.”

“I know that now. It didn’t matter then, though. I was a kid, though, and I thought it was just kids’ stuff-“

“You know, that time you exploded my cauldron in the final Potions exam, I cried for a whole week.”

He had the good sense to look guilty for a second before amusement lifted his cheeks.

“You did bat-bogey hex me for that.”

Your cheeks heated up at the memory, your fingers fiddling with the glass more.

“Which is entirely illegal.”

You smiled, pressed your lips together as you shook your head. It all seemed so long ago; so childish, now. You leant your elbows on the table, resting your chin on your interlocked fingers.

“It was a good shot, though,” you mused, enjoying the way his lips spread into a dazzling grin.

“A bloody good shot,” he laughed. He leant back slowly, tilting his head to the side and biting his top lip. The mood dropped again as he stared at you.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry.”

You wanted to take the piss, but something about his tone or the look in his eyes trapped your words in your throat. You just watched as he stood up, moving towards the sink.

“I made your life hell because I hated my own,” he said, pressing his hands to the counter, leaning forward. “It wasn’t fair. I’m not surprised you hated me, I deserved it.”

You stood up slowly, softly stepping toward him.

“I did hate you,” you said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I hated you for so long it was all I could think about. Even here, I hated seeing your face.”

He turned to you, expression hard and tears sparkling in his eyes.

“I’m not sure if I do anymore.”

He turned around slowly to lean back on the counter as your hand slid down his arm. He caught it gently in his, surprising you.

“I want you to forgive me,” he whispered, staring at you so intensely a lump formed in your throat. You felt like you’d never even met this Sirius before.

“I-“

“I want to earn your forgiveness.”

You were at a loss for words as you looked at him, frozen in place. His hand was warm in your own and you couldn’t, for a moment, think about anything else. You bit your lip and nodded, stepping towards him gently.

“I’d like that.”

You leant into him, your side pressing against his, enjoying his warmth and the new feeling in your chest. You’d been in the war so long you forgot what real life felt like. You felt his hand hover around you nervously before it settled against your back, his hand resting on the counter next to you. And there, with the moonlight pouring in behind you, is where you stood till the sunrise peeked over the horizon; your hands clasped together with Sirius’ arm at your back, silent as you both felt a hope you’d not felt in a good few years.

harry potter tag list:

@creator-appreciator

@loveisblindness

@decadentwastelandtrash

@xinyourdreamsx

@brainlesspasta

@hariosborn

#Sirius Black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black #Harry Potter imagine #harry potter #writing #imagine

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fangirlinglikeabus · 4 years ago

Text

in what is quite possibly one of the worst decisions in my life, i’ve decided to read every classic doctor who novelisation, in story order. because i’m incapable of doing anything without recording it, i’m posting my thoughts as i go - whether i liked it, how different it is from the original, if i think it’s worth it. full disclaimer, this won’t be an exhaustive list of changes because i don’t think i know any serial well enough, and my own opinions of the original stories will probably influence how i react to them written down. anyway...here’s season 1 (under a read more because it turns out i have an unfortunate number of opinions on the novelisations of 57 year old episodes)

doctor who and an unearthly child by terrance dicks i guess if you’re a completionist?? there’s a few minor differences, including the odd decision to change ‘eh? doctor who?’ to ‘eh? foreman?’ and have the doctor introduce himself as the doctor, but honestly this just kinda hammered in the dullness of the caveman plot, and there’s some neat aspects of the first episode, like the pov shots, that are lost by just slavishly converting What Happens into text. end result is something i found significantly less interesting than the original! feat. the complete absence of susan’s flaming-skull-torch scene, barbara being described as ‘bossy’, and the narrative voice lumping barbara and susan in as ~the girls~ even though one of them is a grown woman and the other’s teacher. also really wish terrance dicks had cut out the racist line about native americans!

doctor who and the daleks by david whitaker oh god, this is so much better just on a ‘feels like an actual book that can stand on its own’ level. it also changes a lot more, including adding a new opening (which actually makes the doctor creepier because it takes place far away from housing so ian and barbara have a much greater reason to suspect him) and fleshing out the final invasion sequence a bit. susan also goes by ‘susan english’ in this because apparently whitaker decided that foreman was too subtle. we get some ian/barbara stuff here but personally i wasn’t too into it: they don’t know each other before the book starts and whitaker introduces some weird arguing drama i don’t care about or understand, so a lot of the appeal of their relationship (imo) wasn’t there, and unfortunately that made for some frustrating reading that hurt my enjoyment of this. speaking of our favourite schoolteachers, it’s from ian’s pov, so scenes without him are either cut out completely or told to him later on. this book also made me pick up a lot more on how masculinity is coded in the story (not really a fan of that!), but unfortunately even in print i can’t tell any of the thals apart.

the edge of destruction by nigel robinson full disclaimer i am 100% biased because edge of destruction is one of my favourite season one stories, but i really liked this. mostly changes are just adding bits onto scenes (barbara’s ‘how dare you’ speech gets lengthened for one - pretty sure it adds some of her lines from an unearthly child but i’m not certain) but it also adds entirely new stuff which takes us deeper into the tardis than they could on tv (for obvious budgetary reasons). plus we get a bit of a recap of what’s come before, and apparently susan doesn’t know who dickens is. there’s a few bits which i feel were a bit overexplained (we can probably extrapolate the doctor was ‘furious at his ability being called into question’ without being told) and the opening doesn’t quite have the confusing energy of the tv version’s imo, but overall a pretty well realised novelisation - although it does have the recurring ‘girls’ problem which i complained about with dicks, and there’s this weird uncomfortable bit at the beginning where susan’s appearance gets compared to that of an east asian person in a way that struck me as orientalist.

marco polo by john lucarotti this ABSOLUTELY highlighted that apparently the details of marco polo don’t stick with me too well. i think it’s mostly following the script, which is fine, because lucarotti at least doesn’t feel like he’s phoning it in a la terrance dicks’ an unearthly child, although there were a few bizarre uses of indirect speech (like it would just switch in the middle of the character talking), as though he was hurrying onto the next bit. we get a brand new-ish opening, which is understandable because obviously these novels weren’t serialised to go one after the other like the television series. the big change that stood out for me is that ping-cho gets an Actual Love Interest, and unfortunately it isn’t susan :(

doctor who and the keys of marinus by philip hinchcliffe hinchcliffe writing this is so odd to me. it’s like if they got barry letts to novelise the happiness patrol or something. ANYWAY keys is terry nation’s best contribution to doctor who, and also happens to be my favourite of the season, but this doesn’t add much particularly - apart from, bizarrely, giving altos long blond hair. there is absolutely no plot motivation for this, he just looks like that now. hinchcliffe has some nice descriptive passages, but i’m also pretty sure ian didn’t slap barbara in the original and he does here so uh. that’s kinda bad.

the aztecs by john lucarotti same weird thing with indirect speech, but this one definitely benefits from being 3 episodes shorter than the last story lucarotti novelised. there’s a lot more detail gone into about aztec culture and details which is nice and interesting, definitely the thing that stood out most for me here and i think it’s almost worth reading the book for that alone. uh...aztec warriors wear less than they could probably get away with on screen so ian goes around shirtless if you’re into that? we have some stuff about gods which is fine and interesting until it veers into stuff i suspect may be putting christianity on a pedestal a bit - that’s not great given the colonial context! - and tlotoxl has gone full shakespeare’s richard iii with a hunchback and limp which smacks of ableism to me and isn’t fun at all. oh yeah, and the doctor’s ‘i made some cocoa and got engaged’ line had the wording changed so like...what’s the point.

the sensorites by nigel robinson i mean i guess?? i actually like the sensorites quite a lot, and this is competent as an adaptation, but it also genuinely doesn’t add much to the story apart from a few nice descriptions and some (sigh) much less nice orientalism. remember that description of susan in the edge of destruction? the sentiment’s back with ‘asiatic’, and the sensorites come in for a bit of it too. overall not one of the greats of these books and tbh i don’t really have much to say about it either!

the reign of terror by ian marter so, funny thing about this one, it was written before anything about translation circuits was canonised, and to get round that...ian marter just decides that everyone in the tardis crew starts speaking french. barbara’s better at it than ian, apparently. as a story it doesn’t really add much, although i do really like marter’s descriptive passages. it does double down on the gaoler’s creepiness, including him leching at susan, but that’s not a fun addition! i found the plot a bit easier to follow when it was set down in prose honestly, even if it did make me notice more the dismissive way the lower class revolutionaries were treated at the beginning - they’re drunk, or slovenly - but i think that anxiety about the descent into chaos is common to a lot of french revolution stories.

#doctor who #classic who #first doctor #ian chesterton #susan foreman #barbara wright #laura reads dw books #target marathon #genuinely have no idea how much people will care about this but i'm subjecting everyone to it anyway #i almost lost this in the mess that is my drafts folder but unfortunately for everyone i found it again

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bisluthq · 4 years ago

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hi I’m that RPF anon and first of all thanks for being polite and not completely obliterating on me on sight. I’ve raised this point in the past with other people and t’was a fucking mess, I tell you

In terms of your point, I think I understand where you’re coming from. The whole schtick with celebs purposefully marketing themselves as sexual beings/fantasies and thus, inevitably giving their fanbase the ammunition/material to concoct their fantasies upon. I suppose I’ve never thought of it from a capitalist point of view but it makes much more sense now.

Re the swiftwyn fantasies: idk if I’m being a prude/cupcake but it still seems weird to me. Like, Yh Taylor’s screaming from the rooftops about how she’s getting dicked down on the regular (truly iconic and jealousy inducing in this panoramic if you ask me) but going out of your way to write that up is...not something I completely understand??. But it’s clearly yours (and quite a few people’s) on this blog and given you’re not actively harming anyone, have fun I guess?? It’s confusing to me but so long as the people indulging in it are sane and acknowledge it’s a fantasy (just like any other work of fiction)...no harm done.

But with Joshlie, i do think it’s a bit strange as josh doesn’t market himself as a fantasy? Esp not a sexual one. Like I don’t think it’s fair to say wanting fame = marketing yourself as a sexual being because I don’t think he does that - the two, imo, can be mutually exclusive Also, WHO HAS THE HOTS FOR JOSHUA KUSHNER? pls, like Karlie I get - she’s the smoking hot thirst trap and half of this couple but josh on his own? Nah, he’s just hot by extension/association with Kar sorry not sorry

Now regarding After - I still view After as low-key problematic (the OG books far more than the films) because of how HS was portrayed. He’s supposed to be this mysterious playboy that his fans are meant to thirst after (which is fair and not completely unfounded) but he’s written as a toxic, abusive, gaslighting asshole because the author (she’s a whole diff can of worms to deal with, yikes) decided to just give him a new (v. inaccurate and harmful to young girls) personality.

And it’s not just After that I’ve seen this with, it’s a bunch of fanfiction, RPF and fictional stuff alike. But I suppose that’s again a whole separate problem (problem being the constant romanticisation of abusive behaviour, particularly when helmed by the pretty face of a celeb) to deal with in general.

And in terms of saying, ‘well the movie made bank and so did the people involved so it’s okay’ doesn’t sit right with me because as far as I know, HS didn’t make money off of this? If anyone has info on this please correct me but to my knowledge, the name was just changed to avoid legal problems but I could be wrong. And so jumping off this point, I don’t see how this movie is okay - everyone knows that this is HS fanfic but it’s also a shitty fantasy for young girls to indulge in because it is harmful imo. And tbh, as I’m writing this, world tiniest violin for HS’s image technically being exploited and repackaged without him being able to capitalise on it but the franchise as a whole, imo, is garbage and has a net negative effect. This is complex stuff and, as you can probably tell, I’m kind of on the fence here. Feel free to chime in on what you think ✌🏼

Yeah as I said this is a huge discussion point and one I find very, very interesting because I do see the “EEK NO” angle and was on that side of the fence for this debate for multiple years, so it’s not like I’m purely like, “Oh fuck it don’t be a prude” (well I do say that to people who’re like “HOW DARE YOU WRITE SOFT PORN ON THE INTERNET” but not to like a “is this ethical” debate).

Re Harry making money off of After - it’s not that he got paid for it per se, but it being fanfic about him defs had people listening to his shit and looking him up more. It’s a symbiotic thing. Same as Idea of You - which has yet to become a movie - definitely leads to an increase in streaming. To me both projects have benefited Harry financially and in terms of growing his fanbases. Is it how he would necessarily want them to grow organically, like if he could choose? I’m not sure, I’d be fascinated to have a discussion with him about it, but I also think he wouldn’t pearl clutch about shit like that because in the end it does benefit him.

Now we get to like “is this a positive portrayal or not?” which is another thing I personally feel strongly about and why, although I’ve - recently, like this blog is my first venture into this territory, my smut before has been fictional fanfic or original - started writing RPF I wouldn’t write an AU/crack pairing and I wouldn’t write about people who I didn’t think were in a healthy loving relationship. But that’s a moralistic judgement. Like personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable portraying anyone I was writing as an asshole. But.... would me portraying them as an asshole affect their lives? No. After blowing up is bad for young girls who’re being role modelled bad behavior but that’s not the result of it being RPF inspired, like it’s just a bad plot.

As I’ve said, in many ways Taylor has invited fans to imagine her and Joe fucking. Like she’s put out multiple explicit sex songs and yeah we’re allowed to think about that. While Karlie hasn’t, she has shown off her husband and my vibe is... the people on this blog - real people who get comfort from reading shit here and just vibing - find her and him hot and want to imagine them fucking. Even if he hasn’t really invited that, he’s very much featured as her husband in many of her videos and in her public life. He’s a ~presence. My Joshlie fic didn’t say aaaaanything negative about them, like it was based around a public event that we know he left drunk, and then they have fictional sex in their hallway. Is that true? Of course not. Idk. It’s a fantasy that people wanted to indulge because they find them hot.

Then we also need to zoom out and look at the history of this type of shit because y’all know me I’m all for nuanced views and my obsession with the entertainment industry and the concept of celebrity and the histories thereof and such like... define me. If we think about how showmances and PR relationships started up - thinking in terms of the studio system - there’s a huge element of transference and fantasy. People wanted to see couples on screen be dating in real life. Why? Because then they could imagine their whole lives together, they could project the characters played onto the celebs in question. And that worked both ways, like if a couple was dating in real life, people wanted to see them on screen. That’s RPF. People were obsessed with Burton and Taylor acting together because they wanted Burton and Taylor not because they gave a shit about the film in question.

I think it’s very natural to fantasize. I think there’s a long history of that. And while I understand being like, “Eh I don’t like this” I don’t know how different the logic of going “here’s a short story imagining these famous people in bed” is from “hmmmm I really think Gaga and BCoop fucked because LOOK AT THE CHEMISTRY.”

We can say both are wrong but I also think we need to live in reality, we need to look at what’s profitable, and we need to look at history. And to me at this point it’s just... no big deal.

I will say the Joshlie stuff would probs make them far more uncomfy than the Swiftwyn stuff would make Swiftwyn but at the same time there are weirder things written about all of them on the internet than me being like, “Here’s a sexy consensual scenario between two people who adore each other” and again people walk away from my blog as bigger fans of all four people by and large and ergo spend money on their shit so eh I’m not feeling like I’m crossing any lines.

And obviously like any smutty RPF scenario is fucking fiction.

Obviously.

#nat talks fandom culture #Anonymous

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rushingheadlong · 4 years ago

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3 and 6 for the writer's asks ❤

Thanks!! I just answered 6 so I’m just gonna copy and paste the same answer here:

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

Probably Brian or Roger, tbh? They both give really great POVs for stories, though in vastly different ways, and it’s easier to find their voices for me than Freddie or John.

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

afsdlkfjakslfkakl GOD THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM

I keep playing around with various ideas for a sequel to the corset fic that deal with more kink negotiation and relationship details... specifically that Brian really loves the corsets and wants to get more and possibly expand into using them publicly, and the reader is just “woah woah woah, let’s pump the brakes here and figure this out”. and then talk of balancing competing kink needs and wanting to wear the corsets out of scenes and a whole bunch of stuff like that? but that is so much to deal with and I do not have it in me to write another 20k corset fic at the moment.

The potential sequel to Haul Away, You Rolling Queens is going to need a lot of set-up for how exactly Brian’s and Freddie’s magic works, and tbh it’s set-up that needs to happen over one or two separate fics before we actually get into the proper sequel so I’ve put all of that on the backburner until I decide how I want to handle it. (The long and short of it is that I just need to flesh out the abilities that sirens have in this series, and then Brian’s defensive magic isn’t actually “defensive” it’s the ability to hold things together - that’s why his wards weren’t working in the beginning of the fic, but why he could enchant The Rhapsody and the raft during the storm. And there’s a specific scene I have in mind where Brian is working with other sea witches and they realize that that’s how his magic works, but it’s not a scene I can fit into the proper sequel so... *shrugs*)

I have a fic that I’ve been playing around with for months now that focuses on Brian immediately after having surgery to fix his ulcer, specifically dealing with the resulting scar and body image issues because of that? I’ve actually gotten quite a bit written for it too, but the problem I’ve now run into is that I have an opening section that I love but the bulk of the fic would need to take place a year later at Ridge Farm and I can’t be bothered to figure out how to bridge that gap in the timeline to actually make this work adlkfjaslkdlak (but here’s the beginning snippet that I’ve been sitting on for like the last year, in case that’s of interest to anyone)

Brian gets released from the hospital with a strict dietary plan and a bottle of vitamin E oil to massage into his surgical scar, and the uncomfortable feeling of being a stranger in his own body. He’s lucky to be alive, he knows that, just like he knows that this surgery was the only way to save his life - but he still has moments, when he looks down at his disfigured stomach, where he wonders why this is the price he had to pay.

It’s not that it hurts anymore, although it certainly did at first. There were days in the beginning when even breathing would make Brian painfully aware of every stitch holding his stomach together, but that had faded until it only hurt when he laughed, and finally until it didn’t hurt at all.

No, the problem is that it doesn’t feel like anything anymore. It’s a jagged slash of nothing, twisting from below Brian’s navel up to his solar plexus. He runs his fingertips over it, feeling every bump where his skin now puckers together, and there’s no sensation on his abdomen at all. It makes him feel light-headed and a little sick and sometimes, when he touches his scar, he thinks he’s not touching his own body at all.

The doctors had told him to massage it to break down the scar tissue and help it heal smoother and Brian wants that, he really does, but touching this part of himself becomes something that he actively dreads. He doesn’t like feeling the rigid mass of scar tissue beneath his skin, and every time his thumb slips into a crevice that he can’t see his stomach lurches unpleasantly. He hates how it leaves his hands sore, his skin tacky with oil, his fingers twitching from the sensation of touching skin that should be smooth but never will be again.

So Brian stops massaging the scar, and eventually stops touching it at all. He masters the art of getting dressed without looking at his stomach, and then changing his shirt without touching it at all. There’s no avoiding it when he showers but Brian is no stranger to hating his naked body and with enough mental preparation he can scrub himself down without wanting to scream.

His bandmates are understanding, at least as much as they can be considering that Brian doesn’t let them see the scar and refuses to talk about it beyond, “It’s fine, it’s healing well.”

(It’s not entirely a lie, because on the days when Brian can stand to look at his scar he can see the ways in which it is healing. It’s less red, less irritated, but it’s no less scarred and no less numb - and no amount of improvement makes Brian feel more at ease in his new body.)

The Sheer Heart Attack cover gets changed to partially-clothed, rather than fully shirtless, allowing Brian to show up fully dressed while the others debate how much skin they’re willing to reveal, shuffling out of shirts and undoing more and more buttons with an ease that Brian has never felt, and now knows that he’ll never feel again.

“You sure this is what you want?” Mick asks as he adjusts his camera settings and the four of them pile into position. “More skin will sell more albums.”

“We’re sure,” Freddie says firmly. He gives Brian an encouraging wink before adding, “Besides, what about always leaving them wanting more?”

Brian gives Freddie a weak smile as Mick snorts and mutters, "Whatever you guys want."

And from there… it actually goes alright.

Brian still tires far too easily, but it doesn’t take any effort to lie on the floor and make different faces as Mick snaps photo after photo of them. His scar still pulls uncomfortably when he goes to readjust his position, but it doesn’t hurt when Roger makes him laugh and that’s more than he had dared to hope for when he was still in the hospital. They wrap on the shoot and for the first time in a long time Brian thinks he might actually be okay.

“Hey, Bri, you wanna jon us for some drinks?” Roger asks as him, Freddie, and John get changed out of their now-wet clothes and Brian hovers awkwardly near them, refusing to change out of his shirt despite the fact that there’s now vaseline smeared around the neckline.

Brian offers him a half-hearted smile and says, “Sorry, can’t. I’m still not supposed to have any alcohol.”

Between the damage that the hepatitis did to his liver and his still-delicate digestive system, Brian has been dry since the beginning of the summer. He’s never been a heavy drinker so he doesn’t mind, for the most part... but there are moments where he’s forced to interact with his scar and the wrongness of it all makes him feel outside of his own body, and he wishes then that he could get drunk - just a little, just enough to pretend that the haziness in his mind is because of the alcohol, and nothing else.

“Shit, sorry, I forgot,” Roger says, and Brian shrugs in acknowledgment.

#long post //#askgame #fic talk #quirkysubject

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nyisles · 5 years ago

Text

Magic in the Hamptons

Part Three

part one | part two

Player: Mathew Barzal

Words: 3,333 ….. Crazy right ?

Warnings: language

Notes: i’m sorry it takes me so long to do this? Like chapter one was my favorite so nothing really compares... but please let me know what you think (your opinions are what motivate me to write tbh)

It was the next morning when you decided what you were going to do, at least for now. You were ignoring the text, leaving it on the back burner you had to do something worse, something your head told you not to do, but you just couldn’t help it. It didn’t even take you five minutes to find her on instagram. You went to Mat’s profile (aside from clicking the follow button) you clicked on who he was following and searched her name. There was only one Whitney, and it made your stomach turn. The profile was picture perfect, but what did you expect. You had cursed to yourself that her profile was public. Photo after photo was of her either on some lovely vacation, or her living her “best life”. The captions were clever and it was like she was some perfectly curated girl. You looked nothing like her, you two had nothing in common and a month ago… maybe even less time than that she was Mat’s girl or at least the girl that Mat wanted the most, so how could he even be interested in you? “Okay, okay, relax.” you muttered to yourself as you scrolled further and further into her feed trying to find any photo that showed she was human. A pimple, a piece of hair out of place or something, anything. Reaching the bottom of her page, you had nothing left to say. She was perfect, and you were being nothing short of dramatic. What the hell were you supposed to say to Mat now? ‘Just went through your ex’s instagram, maybe you should hit her up.’ Settling down your phone you decided you needed some space, you didn’t have much to say to Mat right now. It was a simple ‘hey’ text that you couldn’t answer. Especially not while you were feeling down in the dumps about yourself.

Over the next few days you slowly came to your senses, Mat didn’t owe you an explanation and in reality you knew him for all of five minutes. So you didn’t really think you even needed to text him back. Were you really going to text him to get some phony explanation, like ‘hey sorry my friend said that. Maybe we can hang out again?’. Opening your phone, you did answer Reese’s text message. Somehow through work he’d managed to get you and some of your other college friends Post Malone tickets. You were honestly excited, it’d been a while since your friend group could fully get together between work and living in mostly different cities. This was the perfect distraction from any boy that was taking up too much of your thoughts. Your group of girls decided to go all out for this, and you were dressed up in your favorite ‘going out’ look. They were able to give you just the right amount of hyping up and took a lot of photos as you all got ready together. “I definitely look better than Whitney in this.” you muttered, after adding a few filters to the photo. “(Y/N), we are not going there.. We told you ten times already you were great regardless of some other girl.” Your friend Kate shouted, giving you a slight push. “Please drink a beer, and let it go.”

Which was exactly what you had done. Your tickets landed the group at some open bar before the show and you just had to take advantage. It was like being back in college again. Reese was back flirting with your former roommate, Lauren. His former roommates and your best guy friends, Nate and Grant, were ordering pitchers for the group, while Kate sat next to you doing her best to ask you about your job, and anything that didn’t involve Mat. It took all of five minutes of being together for you to spill your story, so she was keen on keeping you distracted and you appreciated it, but you knew what she was doing. You’d quickly lost count of your drinks after a few beers. God you were a lightweight. “Shots for everyone!” You yelled looking at the two girls and four guys surrounding you. Had you forget to mention that Reese’s friend, James, was also in town. James was someone you’d lusted after in college, but never really felt confident in yourself to truly go for it. James was probably the polar opposite of Mat. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and lanky. Conventionally he was exactly your type, but maybe your type had changed since going to college. Breaking your stare from James, you locked eyes with Reese. He had a scared look in his eyes after you suggested the shots, as if he knew you wouldn’t survive the night. Though being the good former frat boy he was, he accepted the shots and handed them out to the rest of the group. “(Y/N), let’s cheers to being safe tonight.” He jokingly yelled out as a few of your friends let out some cheers and whoops in the background. Rolling your eyes, you downed the shot letting it sting in the back of your throat. The night was becoming hazy, but not to a point where you felt you needed to stop or slow down. It was that perfect amount of fun.

Breaking off in little groups, you sat on a couch with your girls gossiping about how drunk the boys were getting and how horrible their dance moves were becoming. “You know, James is looking pretty good tonight, (Y/N).” Lauren whispered into your ear after she’d realized you had gotten that perfect buzz and would finally act courageous enough to flirt properly with the boy. The last time you felt like this, you were at the wedding. Maybe that’s why your original night with Mat had worked out so well, you were just drunk enough to shoot your shot with the most beautiful boy you’d come across. That blue suit, the way his hair was styled....your mind wandered until realized you were on a bad trail. Stop thinking about Mat, you mentally reminded yourself. He wasn’t here with you tonight, but James was. You had a more real shot with James. He had a good job in the city, he never was one to play with a girl’s feelings and he had that ‘take me home to meet your mom’ - personality.

Arriving at your seats for the concert, the girls had made it so you they were on one side of you while James was next to you on the other side. You had appreciated it, but at the same time, you weren’t enjoying it as much as you thought you would. James was fun, and was making little jokes and putting a smile on your face, but he just wasn’t that stupid hockey player you’d grown to like a little more than you should’ve. He didn’t tease you like Mat had on your dates, and he didn’t give you much excitement talking to him. Instead of blaming it on being interested in someone else, you decided that it was just based on life. You weren’t in college anymore and your taste in men had changed. Though he did however manage to keep your buzz alive by running and getting you drinks. It seemed as though he was really flirting and you didn’t have the time of day for him. Funny how the world worked.

The next thing you knew, you were taking countless embarrassing videos of you and the girls singing to Post Malone. You could see a little glimmer in Reese’s eye from a few seats away as he looked at you, maybe like he was a little bit proud you were able to have so much fun, since he was clearly notorious for getting you into trouble. Taking what you thought was a hot photo of you and the girls, you posted it to your instagram story tagging the location ‘Post Malone at Madison Square Garden’. Normally you didn’t give your stories a second thought, you looked good, you were having fun, who cared? Wrong. Always wrong.

@barzal97 replied to your story: ah, you’re here too? I have a box, let’s meet up.

Maybe you were drunk, maybe this was a sign from some higher power that you were supposed to talk to Mat again. You screeched when you looked through your profile notifications noticing that he had followed you days ago, probably after you had followed him. Opening the dm, you pulled Kate over to you shoving your phone in her face. In this moment you were so thankful you had someone that wasn’t Reese to give you boy advice. The look on her face changed as she grabbed your phone, scrolling through his profile. An eyebrow raised, as she gave you the phone back, “You forgot to mention Mat was that good looking. (Y/N), why are you even concerning yourself with some other girl when this boy is trying to reach out to you. Now on multiple platforms. Please answer him.” Well that wasn’t what you were expecting her to say. “You’re young, hot, and you should just go home with him.” You let out a ridiculous laugh shaking your head no, letting your cheeks flush at the thought of going home with Mat. It was too soon, a day ago you thought it was over.

@(your user name): no way! where should i meet you?

@barzal97: elevators at the front of the garden to the 2nd floor, i’ll come grab ya.

“Hey (Y/N), wanna go to the bar and help grab some drinks with me? I only have two hands and this time Reese wants something.” James asked you politely bringing your eyes away from your phone screen momentarily. He was trying to spend some alone time with you and although it was so sweet, you weren’t interested. Your girlfriends had put bad ideas into your mind that you were now going home with Mat Barzal, and you were clearly under the influence so you were swayed by their words. It sucked, but in all honesty James didn’t stand a chance. “Uh, I actually have to go to the bathroom. I’ll see ya in a few though?” You suggested to him with a smile, not having the heart to tell him you were going to see a boy who you were more interested in. You were on one hand thankful James had kept you the perfect amount of buzzed. Grabbing your purse off the seat below you, you sent a wink over to the girls who sent you little cheers as you practically sprinted out to the arena to the lobby to find the elevators Mat was talking about.

It didn’t take long to find Mat, in fact you were a lot closer to his box than you had originally thought. He was waiting for you by the elevators with security, letting them know you were with him. You were starting to get a bit nervous, and maybe the alcohol was wearing off because you were hyper aware of the way you were walking. Definitely not in a straight line, but you weren’t stumbling either. You had hoped and prayed Mat didn’t notice. It took him a minute to peel away from his conversation with the security guard to fully notice you had approached him, he was in a much more casual look than you were. Joggers, a plain white tee, a denim shirt and a baseball cap covering his messy black hair, but he still managed to rock it. You were almost certain this boy could show up to a black tie event in a garbage bag and still impress you. Maybe it was just part of his charm. Pulling you in for a hug he grinned. You hugged back noticing how your heeled booties didn’t even seem to make a dent in your height difference, the boy was just big. “Good to see you, not gonna lie I was bummed you never texted me back.” Mat said letting you go, to look you in the eyes with a small smirk playing on his face as if he caught you.

“To be totally fair, you waited three weeks to text me after the wedding.” you immediately quipped back, it was one of the one liners you had been practicing in case you were to ever see him again, and it just so happened to work perfectly in this situation. Seeing his reaction made it worth it, he scrunched his face up and just ended up with a shrug and laugh. “Well I’m glad you’re here. Some of the guys and I have a box, just a perk of being a rockstar in New York. Not a big deal.” Taking your hand in his, he led you back into the elevator to take you the the boxed seats. It was all very fancy, and of course butterflies immediately returned to your stomach when he didn’t let go of your hand as the two of you silently rode to the second floor.

Opening the door to the boxed seating, all you could think about was how much money this had to cost, and how you now were running with this NHL crowd. Some of the faces in the room were familiar. Grace sitting on a couch talking to Megan with their husbands close by at the minibar. Both had excitedly giving you a wave, you made a mental note to go over and say hello. Tito was there talking to a girl around your age, you assumed it was his girlfriend. “Let me properly introduce you to some people you don’t know.” Mat said throwing his arm around your shoulder now leading you over to where Tito was. Mat clearing his throat he caught the attention of both Tito and the girl. “Tito, Emma, this is (Y/N). Please don’t scare her away.”

“Nice to meet you both.” You smiled softly trying not to give Tito any sort of dagger eyes, but at the same time, you should’ve been thankful Tito was able to give you some insight. “I love your shoes, Tito you’ve got a very stylish girl.” The three people just laughed hysterically as an older man you’d never seen before came over wrapping an arm around Emma’s waist, handing her a drink and kissing her temple. Your face immediately drained of any color, you were properly embarrassed. “What’s so funny?” the man said looking at everyone else’s faces. “Barz, you going to introduce me to your girl or what?” He said noticing you standing tucked under Mat’s arm. “Derick, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Derick. Newer to our team, so we don’t really like him that much.” Mat said jokingly as you smiled politely giving him a nod.

“Can we get a drink, I am properly embarrassed.” You whispered to Mat as the group started to talk about the concert actually going on behind you. He nodded, probably unsure of how many drinks you had prior, but right now you felt you needed something to take off the edge a bit. After one long sip, you realized Mat had made you a ridiculously strong drink. The little bit of sobering up you had done seemed to be slowly fading away. “Hey, let’s watch the concert. This is my favorite song.” Mat said topping off his drink, motioning for you to do the same. You quickly did the same, feeling the same burning returning in the back of your throat from the alcohol. Looking around most of the team was using this concert as a way to just hang out, sit on the couches and drink, so you and Mat made your way to the front of the box, leaning against the railing watching the show. “I love this song too.” You mumbled slowly moving your hips to the beat.

Mat looked over noticing you do a little dance, as he did the same so you both were dancing. It wasn’t like anyone was really paying much attention to either of you acting silly. He took your hands in his doing some sort of odd dance you’d do with your dad where he just twisted you back and forth. It made you both giggle, but it was sweet. As the music slowed down to a different song, he pulled you in closer so you both swayed back and forth as if you were at the prom dancing to a slow song. “You look really beautiful tonight.” Mat said softly just over the music. “I’m glad you were here tonight. It’s like the universe knew. I was too nervous to hit you with a double text.” Your face flushed as you hid your face in the crook of his neck. “Mat, shut up.”

“Hey, be nice to me. I said a kind thing.” He said back to you with a chuckle as you continued to sway along to the song. “Mathew, you’re so kind to me, but my feet are starting to hurt can we sit down for a second.” Letting go of you, he pointed over to a couple of seats and you followed his lead over there. As soon as you sat down, Grace and Megan swarmed you handing you another strong drink as Mat excused himself for a moment to use the bathroom or talk to Derick or something you didn’t quite catch. “(Y/N), you look really hot. No wonder Mat was showing us your instagram story seeing if he should invite you up.” Megan said with a chuckle. “Thank God he listened to us, we were starting to get worried he scared you away after the wedding.”

“Not totally scared, at least not yet.” You said jokingly. “I’m impressed with his game. If you guys aren’t dating by Christmas I’ll be so disappointed.” Grace said making you blush a little, but you didn’t want to take what she said too seriously. He was just with Whitney, or at least was recently seeing her in a way that dating you by Christmas would really be jumping the gun. Maybe the girls were just trying to be polite because maybe Mat had brought around some other girl and they were secretly rooting for you more than her. Right before you could answer Mat swooped back in with a refill for your empty drink. “Grace, Megan, I must steal your friend. We have a concert to watch.” Taking your free hand Mat took you back to the railing where you could finish watching the concert, this time without your shoes on. Time went on and both of you continued to dance along to the songs, his arm wrapped around your waist as he stood behind you to watch.

“Hey, I hope you’re having fun with me.” You spoke softly between songs, not fully noticing the drunken state you were slowly succumbing to. “I appreciate the invite up here.” Mat looked over, somehow in the dim lighting of the arena, you could still make out his green eyes and it seemed like they were looking into your soul. “(Y/N), I have a lot of fun with you.”

And then your mind said exactly what you were thinking because the drinks had caught up and suddenly your filter was gone. “Let’s get out of here, I want you to take me to your place.” You said as seductively as you could which probably sounded ridiculous at this point. For once, you saw Mat’s face turn a light shade of pink, was he blushing? “Yeah, we could do that.” And that’s went it all went dark. Truly that’s all you can remember for the rest of the night. It was a bit alarming when you’d woken up in a strange bed, looking down at yourself seeing you were in an islanders t-shirt ten sizes too big and some sweatpants that also didn’t quite fit right.

Oh fuck.

#mat barzal #mathew barzal #mat barzal imagine #mathew barzal imagine #new york islanders #new york islanders imagine #hockey oneshot #hockey one shot #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #nhl imagine #nhl imagines

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amidst-thestcrs · 4 years ago

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8 Facts about my Muse(s).

Tagged by: Someone at Summer’s old blog 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Tagging: @feralspace-bitch / @speck-of-stardust, @fightan0therday, @tr0ubled-s0uls, @starrys0nder, @hiemaleyes, @implausiblynaive, @defactomatriarch, and anyone else interested!! (You guys totally don’t have to do this if you don’t want to either ofc!) 😌👌❤❤

Morti

1) Despite having “freedom” while living with Gary, Morti actually missed out on quite a bit of typical things that other kids genuinely experience around her age. This doesn’t really bother her until other people start making her feel like it’s a problem though. Gary always had a convenient excuse for everything: they didn’t have enough money to afford cable so they only had a dvd player; most of his family had either died or lived far away so they didn’t ever visit extended family; they lived too far away from signal towers to get wifi so they didn’t have internet; etc.. Due to this, I imagine she missed out on quite a lot of normal things and probably hasn’t even done something as simple as been in a car before.

2) Morti responds well to kindness and doesn’t comprehend mean or abrupt people as she doesn’t understand why someone would be that.

3) Her favorite animal is a frog! She adores frogs so much and used to adore the little pond by their house when she lived with Gary. He actually caught one for Morti as a pet which she still has and named Henry! It’s her most prized possession and best friend. ❤

4) I think if Morti wasn’t able to form a strong bond with the Smith family when/if she goes back home, Morti would 100% be willing to go back and live with Gary again if that ever became an option, even despite all the lies.

5) Despite living with Gary for most of her life, Morti was still a “Morty” underneath it all as she’s always had a fascination with space even as a kid. She owned many astronomy books and even Gary brought her home a telescope for her that she used all the time to see the stars at night.

6) Morti has no memory of the Smith family whatsoever. She doesn’t remember any of them and will always feel bad for this especially since she feels like she’s probably supposed to remember them.

7) I think she puts up with the name Morti cause she doesn’t think anyone really cares enough to call her otherwise, but if given the choice, Morti would much rather go by the name September/Ember as it’s the name she’s used to and the one that feels most like her to her.

8) The Ricks have given Morti a card to stick in her pocket when she goes off on her own in the citadel. It’s basically just a little business card of sorts that she’s suppose to hand out and get back that literally says, “Hi, I’m an identity confused Morticia/Morty (not September/Ember or any other weird shit she says) from dimension C-323. I’m not lost or abandoned, I’m just annoying but they’re looking for my Rick so don’t take me. Okay, now fuck off. Scram!”. As you can tell, she did not write this note herself.

Rick

1) Rick’s been alone most of his life. After his parents died in the crash, he never really had any friends and was never able to marry so no other family either. Really since they died he’s been on his own.

2) In truth, I imagine Doofus Rick really wanted/wants a family like how all the other Ricks have, but it just never happened for him. The Diane (or other versions of Rick’s ex-wife) in his universe just wasn’t interested in him and honestly just felt like he was beneath her-- something she actually admitted to his face when they were in college and he tried to ask her out. Mostly any other time he tried to ask someone out since has had the same result anyways.

3) Medical science has always been more his area of expertise than other kinds of science which is the main reason why he was able to cure cancer in his dimension among other forms of awful diseases. I think he’s well known in his universe as medical genius and hero, but really he just considers himself just a regular person, nothing special.

4) He probably owns way more books than he’ll ever read in his life, most old science books and such.

5) My Rick never got a Morty like in the tv show, I imagine he tried once and the council laughed in his face. Due to this, he instead simply tries his best to help any other Morty in need that he can.

6) Rick occasionally volunteers at the Morty Daycare Center when he has free time.

7) If it wasn’t for his lack of time, Rick would most likely get a pet to help out with how lonely his life can be at times but I think he genuinely worries about not being home a lot to be able to take care of it. If he was home more, I could totally see him getting a rescue from a shelter somewhere, but he doesn’t want to burden an animal with lack of human interaction.

8) Rick’s not as stupid as everyone believes him to be, he’s actually fairly smart and can hold conversations really well. The thing with him is just mainly anxiety that makes him extremely awkward. If he didn’t worry so much about what others thought of him he’d probably have the confidence of a regular Rick but still way nicer than a typical Rick.

Summer

1) It’s common knowledge to everyone at this point that Beth turned into an absolute disaster of a mother after Jerry died which is the main reason why Summer and Beth have such an explosive and abusive relationship. Pretty much everyone in their neighborhood, their extended family, and at Summer’s school knew about the bad blood between those two but everyone just stays quiet about it tbh, even after Summer started showing up to school with bruises. Everyone assumes these two have always hated each other, but something that isn’t really known by others is that Summer actually loved Beth a lot when she was very little despite the abuse her mother constantly took out on her. She was young and trusted the only adult in her life even if she didn’t love her back, this is something Beth sometimes brings up in arguments to either annoy Summer or in attempts to guilt trip her. Usually it’s something along the lines of “I remember when you used to love me! You thought the world of me back then!”.

2) One sure-fire way to get Summer to shut up/get under her skin is to tell her she’s exactly like her mother or even looks like her. Summer wants absolutely nothing to do with Beth and even though the two of them are very similar in looks, she does not want to be associated in any way to her mom. She heard Beth say too many times that the two of them were way too similar that even the notation of that coming from someone else, especially someone Summer considers close, will immediately struck her silent and it will bother her immensely.

3) Summer absolutely loves astrology and knows a lot on the different zodiac signs. She’ll sometimes even guess someone’s zodiac before even knowing it and will even point it out all the time just to mess with people-- for example: “That’s such a Gemini thing to do too, you really are one, huh?”.

4) Although Summer’s attitude is a big reason why it’s hard to get close to her, that’s not the main reason why. It’s actually Summer’s trust issues that prevent her from having close relationships with people outside of her inner circle. Summer is very particular about who she trusts and lets into her life. Her trust is very hard to earn and very easy to lose. If she feels her trust has been broken, she’s very quick to immediately discontinue a friendship/relationship with someone and back away. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” as the saying goes. Now with that said, it is possible to gain Summer’s trust back again depending on the person, but just know it’s gonna be ten times harder to gain back the second time than it already was the first time. So good luck!

5) Summer started smoking at the age of fourteen due to it being an appetite suppressant. Since Beth spent most, if not all, of her unemployment check on alcohol, there wasn’t really ever food in the house for them to eat, at least not food that was safe to consume. On the rare times they did have groceries, Beth would sometimes hide food when she was drunk then forget where she put it, eventually leading to it going molded. However instead of throwing any expired food away, she’d always save it and then serve it to herself and Summer at a later date. Due to this, Summer often had a lot of food poisoning growing up and got most of her meals from school or a friend’s house. Smoking helped her not feel hungry on times when food wasn’t available to her so she actually was a much heavier smoker as a teenager compared to now. Being out on her own now, Summer has cut back quite a bit, going from about a pack or so a day to smoking maybe four cigarettes a day. She doesn’t really smoke in her house much either, always goes outside when she wants to have a smoke.

6) Despite not being religious in the slightest, Summer went to church with Tricia ( @tr0ubled-s0uls ) on the occasional Sunday just to cause drama with her friend. The two of them would often talk/giggle really loud, take turns “coughing” while not-so-subtly stating “God’s not real”, and in general doing whatever to interrupt church service. The two of them would often find a way to leave early to go smoke out in the parking lot or bathrooms and would get breakfast after service. The main reason they’d do this is because Tricia’s dad often times forced her to attend his church services as he was a pastor. Needless to say, Tricia’s dad did not like Summer, for more reasons than just one.

7) Summer still visits Jerry’s grave from time to time and leaves fresh flowers on his tombstone. She’ll never admit it cause she thinks it sounds stupid, but sometimes she just vents to his graves or talks to him like he’s actually there even though she doesn’t believe in ghosts.

8) Speaking of which, Jerry is the one who actually named Summer! The only reason why she knows this is primarily because of her grandparents, but also because she has a vague memory of him proudly boosting about that when she was little. The reason why he named her was because shortly after Summer’s birth, the doctors asked Beth to hold her and feed her in attempts of bonding with her child but she wanted nothing to do with her. Instead Jerry did these things for Summer and when asked what she wanted to name her child she claimed she didn’t care. This in turn left the responsibility on Jerry in which he chose the name Summer because she was born during the summertime and he thought “Summer Elise Smith” sounded beautiful.

#Queue #Dash Games #Morti Headcanons #Doofus Rick Headcanons #Summer Headcanons #save #tw: alchohol mention #tw: abuse mention #tw: kidnap mention #tw: unhealthy coping mechanism

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skullsandwineglasses · 4 years ago

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To Dear Myself Review/Rant

If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful.

It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces).

The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads.

[spoilers ahead]

The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable.

LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters.

LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson.

After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.

LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him.

I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all.

Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).

But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement).

CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares.

And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her.

I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.

And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy.

I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable.

Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one.

CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends.

Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about.

My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?

Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.

#to dear myself #亲爱的自己 #朱一龙 #cdrama #zhu yilong #liu shishi #qin ai de zi ji #crdama review #陈一鸣 #chen yi ming

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transfenris-truther · 4 years ago

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Writer asks: 4, 10, 20 and 25 :D

Thanks so much! I appreciate it. Answers under the cut because I can talk forever.

4: “Whenever his anxiety lessened a bit he could see very clearly what Eleida’s perspective was. He could see the pattern of humiliation and oppression that had led him to this place. He could see the way his master had twisted his loyalty into something destructive and dark. And occasionally, in the small hours of the morning, or when he was sufficiently drunk, he could see the path to justice. Sometimes he could even feel it. He could feel it now, surrounded by the forest- by his home- he met her eyes with ferocity, ‘I am not going to disappoint you next time.’”

I just like this bit, I think t’s the closest I ever got to explaining Fenris’s relationship with the Fog Warriors in general and Eleida specifically. It’s probably the most hopeful moment for her, where she and Fenris finally seem to understand each other. It also comes at point where Fenris feels useful to the group really for the first time and like he has a real place in it. I see them as the type of friends who push each other to be better people and the fact that they don’t have enough time to develop that fully is honestly tragic. Especially since the next time he has an opportunity to make it up to her is when Danarius finally comes for him.

10: I wish it wasn’t true but I just start and then write all the way through till the end of the chapter. I really just pick an event I want to have happen in that chapter and go. Most of my writing is in editing, tbh because that’s when I move stuff around and restructure it so it makes sense. Usually I have five or six ideas for conversation points between characters I want to hit, ideas I want to express or actions I want to see and I just blast through as quickly as i possibly can until it’s written. Then I go back and make sure time is accounted for, that there aren’t any major plot holes (although I haven’t caught all of them :( ) and that I haven’t made too big of a jump in character or situation that it feels unnatural. I also try to catch spelling and grammar problems, but there’s always several run-ons and a metric ton of spelling errors. (Sorry)

20: I already answered this one, but here’s another bit from Through the Fog: everyone Fenris trusts is scarred by slavery and they’re each people he would consider to be beneath him in some way by Tevinter standards. He doesn’t really make a connection with Keadec despite the fact that’s she’s probably the most healthy person for him to be around, because he’s afraid of her. She has really grown up with love and patience and gentleness. He doesn’t understand her position, and he doesn’t identify with her background, and both visually and emotionally, they don’t have much in common. I think part of the way Danarius kept Fenris so isolated even for a slave was to make the differences between Fenris and other slaves very distinct and important. But once Fenris stops viewing himself as a special category of slave, he’s able to connect with people who have similar experiences and start unlearning it, and it’s the shared scars that help him see that.

25: Action comes really naturally to me. I have a hard time skipping around in time and feel the need to describe everything, and in action, tracking the space and time each character is in is more of an advantage than a disadvantage. I also just really enjoy making up the rules for how magic and lyrium and whatever is going to work in my version and playing around with it to make whatever is happening more exciting or more fun to describe. I think the only time this was actually hard for me was when I was writing the actual Fog Warriors’ murder. It was just something I didn’t want to write and because Fenris is so disconnected from the act, trying to emotionally deaden what he’s feeling, there wasn’t much to write other than route gore which was actually just sad.

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yuzuka-rei · 5 years ago

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my last hours: chain of gold review

its practically tradition for me, every time i finish a cassie claire book, i whip open my long abandoned tumblr and yell about characters.

discussion is always welcome but if you’re like SUPER into this book don’t read this you’ll just get mad. also claire dont read this.

my biggest problem with this book is that it doesn’t take enough risks, it sticks to a known successful formula (the infernal devices remains the best shadowhunters series) and what results is a book that is nostalgic, not bad, but not breaking any new ground.

i’ll talk about what i liked first. i loved some of the storylines claire brought up in this book, BUT SHE BARELY EXPANDED ON ANY OF THEM.

you know what would’ve felt fresh and painful? charles fairchild. i want to read about Charles Fairchild, and his ambition, i want to read about his love for Alastair and how all he wishes is for his lover to just understand how much he *wants* to be consul. i want to read about his conflicted affection for Ariadne. i want to sympathise with HIM, because that would be so interesting, similar to what we had with jessamine, but with a man this time. we don’t have to like him, he just has to be interesting.

what i’d also have loved would be more about lucie’s insecurity about being “the second herondale”. tbh, it would’ve been really interesting for her to have turned to the dark but this is a shadowhunters book the moral conflict always comes with the relationships, not the fantasy plot. but anyways what is the DEAL with “the beautiful cordelia” that is the fucking gayest thing i have ever laid eyes on in my entire life. also thats all lucie and cordelia’s relationship is based on, just the fact that lucie writes to cordelia, and it makes it feel so cheap because all cordelia does is think about james. lucie reminds me of dru, the forgotten younger sister, but because dru was not expanded on in tda i think it would’ve been fresh to read about lucie and her insecurity

also: matthew fairchild. right now he feels super repetitive, basically just will herondale again but this time he also fucks boys!! what a CHANGE. will shouldve been able to see his younger self in matthew and help him, so this makes minimal sense. even if we *have* to have this super repetitive plot element, i want to read about matthew and how he is different drunk and sober. i want to see him literally fail his friends and risk their lives, multiple times, because he is too drunk to do shit. i want to see him sober, suddenly so uncharming and pitiful. also i fucking want to see hints that he’s in love with cordelia. yes there are “hints”, but this “love” feels really cheap as well. basically so many of the relationships in cog feel super cheap because you’re supposed to believe that matthew falls in love with cordelia because of like three interactions. (although a parallel to this would be cristina and mark, who also didn’t have that much interaction before they fell in love, but mark was so broken and cristina is literally the sweetest, that made more sense. matthew and cordelia?? kinda a cheap play esp considering how will and jem were also parabatai)

WRITE MORE ABOUT ALASTAIR. matthew seems way too put together and a “tragic romantic figure” in this book to make us Really see alastair as someone who should be hated. i want to HATE alastair but at the same time feel so much pity and pride for him. i know claire tried to make us dislike him but didnt work lol

oh i also loved the merry thieves i LOVE their friendship please give me more of that sweet sweet friendship juice. now this sort of marauders (im sorry im such a big marauders fan) brotherhood is something i haven’t seen from claire before and id love to read more about it

NOW I SCREAM ABOUT WHAT I DISLIKED

1, james fucking herondale. he is the most blandly and poorly written “male lead” in a claire book i’ve read for a long time. i’m all for reading about very stupid boys who are stupid about girls but the whole wild shift between grace and cordelia makes him seem like trash even with the bracelet influence. i disliked julian (i literally forgot his name and had to search it up), but julian’s fierce devotion to his family was interesting and grounded him. james is just ?? i guess he has the ability to go to the shadow realm?? like ngl i know nothing about his character and tbh i dont want to know more.

2, cordelia. carstairs. who is basically if you scrambled clary and emma together and added a pinch of cristina. she’s not a BAD character, and since we’re supposed to see her as the “self insert” (i assume), her being a bit bland was probably intended. but this IS like... the fourth shadowhunter series. can we get a female character who is the hot troubled one instead?? i want HER to be the one with the tragic terrible secret, i want her to lash out and go drinking and push everyone away. cordelia in this book exists to love and protect james, and that makes her... even more boring than clary, who you know at least had her own strong agenda instead of this “oh i have to save my father wait hes a drunk” arc

3, matthew fairchild is basically just will herondale if he were less in love with his parabatai and more gay coded (oscar wilde?? waistcoats?? really???) . i wish he were written as a proper casanova, seen dating a different girl or boy every scene because then it would Hurt to see cordelia dismiss his feelings because of his behaviour. tbh i just,,, like matthew fairchild but hes so similar to will it hurts that his potential is being squandered.

4, this book just feels like tid but the side characters are like the tda ones.

5, anna lightwood is basically magnus bane and i hate it but i love it

6, tbh most of the romances weren’t heart wrenching. cordelia having to marry james as an alibi was the only cool thing out of this book and even that was a bit odd. alastair being charles’ secret lover was Pretty out of the blue and that hurt but he literally left the relationship after one scene?? thats not realistic?? i want alastair to fall back into old habits, then try to leave again, then fall back again, then leave for Good. all of these romances are so whirlwild and mean so little, and they probably seem really cool to a 14 year old child but now they just feel... childish and stupid. TDA may have spoilt me for well built relationships, as much as i dislike emma and julian, their romance made SENSE. kit and ty? had feelings development. kieran and mark had their whole “we had to love each other to survive but now we don’t have to now what” struggle that was well laid out anyways.

BASICALLY, THE CHARACTERS IN THIS BOOK WERE WRITTEN TO BE IMMATURE, SHELTERED 17 YEAR OLDS AND IT’S UNSURPRISINGLY BORING TO READ

also: if jesse blackthorn, a dear character in our hearts, showed love towards his mother, she would feel more three dimensional but alas sakjfh

#chain of gold #the last hours

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charlievveasley · 4 years ago

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😏😏 💍for sev & daisy (even tho they would prob never get married its just fun ok 😂)

send me 💍 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they get married: some place intimate, probably outside

when they get married ( ie what time of day, what month and season etc. ): spring! so there’s lots of natural flowers and things blooming

what traditions they include ( do they get married under a chuppah and crush a glass, garter toss, ‘something borrowed, something blue,’ etc. ): the whole something old, something new thing

what their wedding cake looks like: something simple, maybe with flowers on it as well - whatever Daisy wants

….who smashes cake into whose face: neither? but I think Daisy probably would before Sev

who proposed to who first: uhhhhhh!!! this could go either way? but maybe Daisy

who walks down the aisle and who waits at the altar ( or neither ): Daisy walks down the aisle

what their wedding dresses / suits / other look like: his suit is all black, her dress I’d imagine might be summery and simple but really cute

what their wedding colour scheme is and what sort of decor they have: pastels? or something earthy with like browns and greens

what flowers are in the bouquet ( if applicable. bonus: what do the flowers mean? ): wildflowers maybe? Severus would also leave this up to Daisy but maybe put something like a daisy in his boutonierre because it’s her name but also because it means I love you truly

what their vows are ( eg poetry, traditional, improvised etc. ): they write their own

if anyone’s late to the wedding: probably one of her guests tbh bc his would know he’d be real mad

who’s in the bridal parties / groomsmen / other: Regulus and Lucius for him, but tbh idk who of her friends would be jazzed enough about her marrying Severus to be a bridesmaid lol

what their bridal party / groomsmen / other are wearing: ooooh maybe they could do the thing where they’re all wearing the same dress but in different colors of their scheme, and the boys probably all in black like Sev

who gives speeches at the reception ( bonus: what do they say? recount a sweet memory or two between them? tell an embarrassing story? ): Lucius gives a well put together speech, Regulus just rags on Snape. her bridesmaids would probably give really sweet speeches and also threaten him

who catches the bouquet( s ): Lucinda?

what their wedding photos are like ( are they sweet, with the couple holding hands or kissing or ~gazing into each others eyes~? are they silly, with a snapshot of the ‘cake-smash’ moment? or are they artistic, with one of them facing the sunset or holding their bouquets? ): yikes who knows? not too too many, a lot of sweet candid moments and just a few nice posed ones

what sort of food they have at the reception: really good but not overly fancy

who cries first during the ceremony: first? only Daisy

how wild their reception gets ( who dances the best, who gets drunk first, etc. ): fairly wild and Severus hates every moment of it, but puts up with it like a trooper bc Daisy is happy and having fun although Reggie will probably get an earful later

what their rings are like: his is simple and probably practical like tungsten since it won’t ever get damaged at work, I feel like hers might be non traditional but beautiful, a raw stone or something other than a diamond

what sort of favours they have ( heart shaped sparklers, mini champagne bottles, personalised candy etc. ): Severus would want none, but they probably give out some sort of small potted plant and a hangover potion lol

where they go for their honeymoon: oh god idk he really wouldn’t care as long as it’s not too hot, maybe a cabin somewhere away from people so they can spend a lot of time alone and maybe go through some plants and shit that neither of them usually see

something memorable that happens during the party / ceremony ( do they run out of ice and someone goes to get it in full formal wear on foot, does anyone fall asleep in the middle of the party, etc. ): Severus dances in public?? is that memorable enough

who officiates the ceremony: pfffff idk an old professor or a family member?

what song their first dance is to: whatever song it was that they danced to in her living room

who gives who away as they walk down the aisle: Daisy’s dad I would imagine

#severus x daisy #sinii-sterr

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 26

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- NOTE FOR THIS CHAPTER: im so sorry.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 26 : His chapter

NIALL

"She's just my best friend!" I let out for the hundredth time.

Maya rolled her eyes and shook her head in despair, her arms crossed over her body. I should find her extremely attractive, I knew it, but she exasperated me and although I knew she was gorgeous, I couldn't find an ounce of beauty in her at this exact moment. Perhaps I was way too annoyed by her petty behavior.

"So she's like a sister to you?" she asked a bit meanly, raising her eyebrows at me.

"What? No!" I grimaced. "No, Olivia is not like a sister to me she's like a... a best friend!"

It was so annoying to repeat the same things over and over again and it was not only with Maya, it was with pretty much everyone who would be around us for more than five fucking minutes.

"A best friend that you hold hands with? A best friend you hug all the fucking time?"

"Okay so we're affectionate with each other? So what?"

It was a bit more than that and I knew it was wrong to pretend otherwise but I was getting pissed. Okay, maybe I had imagined having sex with my best friend many times recently but it didn't mean anything at all. I was just a bit too horny, that was all. No big deal.

"Are you fucking serious Niall?" she continued. "How do you think that makes me feel to see pictures of you too acting like you're a couple?"

"You knew before we started dating, Maya. You know that my friendship with her was special. You knew it was different and you were okay with it, what changed? Liv is my best friend and she will always be my best friend. If you can't handle it right now then maybe this is not the relationship you need."

Her face changed suddenly and her traits softened but I was still just as mad, if not more. I wanted this discussion to be over with. I wanted to leave here and go back to having fun with my best friend. I was never a fan of drama, especially not in my own life, and I was not sure it was all worth it anymore.

"Are you sure you don't have romantic feelings for her?"

Her question took me by surprise and I frowned, pushing both my hands in my pockets before sighing low. I didn't want to answer this for the simple reason that I had to answer this question was too often. This is not something that I should be asked and I have no idea why the fuck the answer isn't obvious for everyone.

"Not that question again, no." I shake my head slightly.

I don't know how long I had been arguing with Maya when the phone rang and I took a few seconds to look at it, a bit surprised by Liv's text message. I didn't know who broke up with who but either way, it was shocking. I sighed low, rubbing my hand over my face a few times as anger towards Harry started rising inside me. I did tell him not to hurt my best friend didn't I? I couldn't believe that after all he had said and done to be with her, he was now leaving her or letting her go without a fight.

"Fucking Harry." I whispered, letting out a low and short groan.

"Niall! We're arguing here!" Maya said a bit too loud, taking me out of my daydream.

"Mm?"

I looked up at her and she seemed even angrier than before. I sighed and closed my eyes. I had to stop this discussion now before it went out of hand. Plus, I had somewhere to be, somewhere I felt I actually belonged, with someone I had promised myself to make a priority. I stared at my girlfriend a few seconds as she was desperately trying to keep my focus and attention on her and I rubbed my eyes a bit too hard, blurring my vision for a few seconds.

"Look, Maya, I really have to go."

---

The ride was short and the night was cool and stormy. The wind was blowing way more than usual and it was starting to rain but I didn't care. I waited patiently until Olivia opened the door for me and ran upstairs, skipping a few. I thought she'd be drunk by now but when she opened the door, she sent me a big smile and I was surprised to realize she could still stand and walk without difficulty.

"You look like crap." I half-joked, making her chuckle.

"Thanks, you too."

We stared at each other for a few seconds before she moved away to let me in. I noticed the bottle of wine, already half-consummated, sitting on the coffee table, along with an almost empty beer that probably belonged to Harry. I sat on the couch and grabbed the beer, taking a sip and grimacing at how warm it was. I put it back on the table and when I turned to Liv, she was sitting next to me and looking at me with an amused smile.

"Tastes like crap?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as I chuckled.

"Fuck yea."

"Like my life."

My smile fell down slowly and I suddenly felt really bad for her. I could see her eyes water and I quickly brought my hands up to cup her cheeks, moving closer to stare in her eyes better.

"Hey, hey." I whispered. She blinked a few times and pressed her lips together. "It's just a bump in the road okay? Just a small bump in the road. You're the strongest person I know, Olivia. You've been through a lot, you can get through this, you'll survive this."

She nodded slowly as my thumbs brushed gently on her cheeks.

"I believe in you, okay? And I'm here for you, I always will be."

Her eyes roamed on my face and I realized that mine were probably doing the same thing. I don't know how long we stared at each other before she just moved closer and leaned her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as close as I could, pressing my cheek on top of her head. It felt good to hold her that close and I realized that this hug didn't just make her feel better, it made me feel good, too.

We probably stayed like that for at least half an hour and we were both fine with it. I let my mind wander on the past few weeks and everything that had happened between us. We had never fought so much but also, we had connected in a way I couldn't explain and somehow i felt like both things were related. I had to face the facts, things really had changed between Liv and I, even if I had tried to convince myself otherwise, and I knew it really started right after tour, I just was not sure what it was and how to handle it. All I knew was that we both needed a moment of adaptation and that it would come with time. It was normal, right? People grow up, they change, and we were no exception.

"Are you gonna stay the night?"

Her voice was soft and it made me press her tighter against me.

"Yes."

I didn't even have to think about it, for me, it was obvious that I wouldn't be leaving.

"Thank you."

She was not crying but I knew she was close and I wanted to tell her to let it go. Instead, I just closed my eyes.

"Do you want me to kick his ass?"

She chuckled against my neck and it made me smile more.

"I'll do it if I have to." I added as she shook her head.

"Don't be stupid." she let out, moving slightly away from me and sniffing. "What Harry did... was the right thing to do. I guess I just didn't... expect it."

"It was a shock." I agreed with a nod. "Did you love him?"

Her face softened again and she tilted her head as I kept one of my hands on her shoulder. For some odd reason, I wanted her to say she didn't but I didn't know why. Perhaps I thought it wouldn't hurt as much if she was not in love with him.

"No, not yet."

My heart jumped but I simply nodded and send her a smile.

"Come on, it's late." I whispered. "Let's sleep, yea?"

She nodded and we both got up to walk to her room. I searched through her drawers for sweatpants and a t-shirt but when I was about to open her third one, she rushed to my side to stop me.

"Underwear?" I asked, raising my eyebrows with a smirk.

She didn't say anything but just rolled her eyes before getting clothes for me, pushing them against my chest and making me laugh. I unbuttoned my shirt and took it off before putting on the one she gave me which I was pretty sure actually belonged to me. I did the same with my pants and lied down in her bed, turning to look at her as she came back from the bathroom. She quickly turned the light off and I watched her shadow move and sit on the bed before getting under the covers with me. We remained silent again, both laying on our backs and watching the ceiling. I couldn't stop wondering what she was thinking about and I just turned my head her way.

"What are you gonna miss the most?" I just asked, not really sure why it mattered.

"The sex." she quickly replied with a chuckle. "It felt good to be wanted. And to get an orgasm from something else than my own fingers."

I nodded, my eyebrows raised, even if she couldn't see me. She was right, and I missed it more than I could admit. I missed it so much that I had sex dreams about my best friend, got hard from being close to her and even had to jerk off to the thought of her once. It was ridiculous.

I turned my body her way, holding my head with my hand, and I noticed she had closed her eyes. I brought my hand to her stomach, under the covers, and she immediately tensed under my fingers. I waited a few seconds until she relaxed again and let my hand slide down slowly. I felt her suck her stomach in and licked my lips, my hand traveling past the waistband of her sweatpants and I could feel my whole body throb at my boldness. This was not planned or even thought of. I was doing it because I felt like it and because it had been obsessing me too much recently.

"Niall..."

"Shhh." i cut her in a soft voice. "I got ya."

I slipped my hand down in her pants and the whole room seemed to move. It was the very first time I was touching my best friend this way and all I could think about was that my hand was exactly were hers was when I caught her masturbating. She whimpered, taking me out of my daydream, and spread her legs a bit to give me a better access. Two of my fingers brushed on her shaved pussy and I held my breath at the feeling, until they reached her slit, sliding between her folds and grazing her clit. She gasped, her eyes still closed, and I tried to focus on what I was doing. I could feel my dick swell against her thigh again but I decided to push the thought and need away as I pushed my fingers inside her.

"Fuck, you're so wet." I whispered without thinking. "Were you that wet when you masturbated at the lodge?"

"Y-Yes."

Her voice was shaky and whimpery and it made me grind my hips against her despite myself. My fingers moved in and out of her extremely slowly and all I could think about was licking them to taste her.

"What got you so horny that time?" I asked again with a smirk, knowing she would be more willing to answer me now that I was fingering her. "You never wanted to tell me."

"You."

My movements faltered for a second before getting back to their normal and steady speed but I couldn't stop the erratic beating of my heart due to her confession.

"Me?"

"Mmhm, you." she repeated. "I saw you almost naked, moving out of the pool, and... I just..."

I was surprised to realize she was lusting me exactly like I was lusting her. I honestly had never thought she had gotten horny because of me and I liked it. I could pretend I was simply flattered but it was more than that. It felt like some sort of victory and I couldn't understand why.

"Is that what you were thinking about when I caught you?"

I moved my head closer to whisper in her ear as one of my fingers started focusing on her clit. It was so quiet in the room that I could hear how wet she was.

"Yes."

At this thought, my fingertip pressed on her clit and her lips parted. She let out a whimper and I groaned low, my cock now painfully hard. I rubbed myself gently against her, trying to get some release as she moved one of her knees up. She looked a bit fucked, squirming slightly next to me as I fingered her, but I liked it so much I didn't want to stop.

"Fuck."

After her confession, I felt like I owed her somehow and I brushed my lips on her cheek to murmur in her ear again.

"When we got back from tour and slept in my bed together, I dreamed about us having sex." I had already shared that with her but I inhaled deeply before continuing. "I woke up with a boner, my dick pressed against your ass. I had to go jerk off in the shower. And I thought of you."

One of her hands quickly reached for my wrist and she held it hard and tight, her short nails digging slightly in my skin. I kept rubbing her clit and fingering her, a bit quicker this time though, and her back arched suddenly.

"Oh my.. god!"

She started shaking on the bed as I tried to touch her through her orgasm but the fact that she moved so much and rubbed her thigh against my cock despite herself made me groan low. I felt a rush to my brain and moaned a bit louder, feeling myself cum in my pants. She came down from her high as I reached mine and I held my breath, trying to hide the fact that I got an orgasm basically only from watching her and feeling a part of her body rub against me. I closed my eyes, slipping my whole hand over her pussy and spreading her wetness all over her. Somehow, I wished the lights would have been on and I wish there had been no blankets at all, if only to be able to see her better.

"Fuck. Oh god, fuck." she expressed again as I kept moving my hand between her legs. "I just... I came so hard."

She didn't dare to turn her head to look at me and I didn't dare to look away from her, scared but also hoping her eyes would meet mine. After a while, I gave up and licked my lips, sitting up in bed and excusing myself before locking myself in the bathroom. I had to take the sweatpants off and did the same with my soaked boxers, cursing low. I didn't know what to do with them and I ended up just washing them quickly in the sink and leaving them to dry on the side of the bath, hoping she wouldn't ask any question. I put the sweatpants back, going commando the same way she always did, and walked back in the room. She hadn't moved at all and I walked back to my side of the bed, wondering if she was already asleep.

"Liv?"

"Mm?"

I slipped back under the covers with her and waited a few seconds to talk again.

"Are you okay?"

This time, she turned my way and moved closer, cuddling my side and making my heart jump in my chest, threatening to come out of my throat. I was so happy that it didn't change anything between us and didn't make things too awkward.

"Better now." she admitted low, wrapping her arm around my chest.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head as her breathing became steadier and heavier. She fell asleep in my arms and I listened to her breathe for a few minutes before allowing myself to reach slumber too.

What woke me up is the unceasing and insatiable sound of my cellphone. I groaned and turned around in bed, feeling Liv move and whimper low. I grabbed my phone and mumbled somewhat of a 'hello' without really thinking.

"Niall? Where are you?"

I frowned, my eyes still closed, letting out a groan as I recognized Maya's voice. I was not in the mood to fight and I had to fight the urge to just hang up and go back to sleep. Olivia moved in her sleep again, this time closer to me, and I ran my fingers up her arm before sighing again.

"I'm at Liv's." I answered, clearing my throat. "What time is it?"

I didn't want to open my eyes and go back to reality but Maya was pulling me in that direction and I was not liking it at all. The night before came rushing to my brain and I felt my whole body on fire at the thought. Did I really do that?

"You slept there? At her place? In her bed?"

That was it. I was completely back to reality and I sighed louder, bringing one of my hand to my face to rub my eyes. I wasn't really into fighting in first place but doing it first thing in the morning was even worse.

"Yes, Maya. I slept here, in Liv's bed." I repeated. "The way I always do, and you know that."

t was a lie. Obviously, something had been different this time, but I thought mentioning it was not a good idea. I should feel guilty, perhaps, but I didn't. My best friend in the whole universe felt like shit and I made her feel better. Sure, the way I used to do it was questionable but I had promised myself she'd be my priority and i was going to stick to it. I grimaced, wondering who the hell I was trying to fool, and turned around in bed to press my face in my pillow. It smelled like her shampoo and I knew that i'd never smell vanilla and honey without thinking about her anymore.

The truth was, I had enjoyed myself too and I didn't regret it, not even for a second. I've wanted to touch her since we came back from tour and although I still wanted more, what had happened between us the night before had surpassed my expectations.

Maya kept arguing a bit on the phone but I kept quiet and when she was done, I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling.

"Are we still up for tonight?" I just asked, feeling Liv sit up next to me.

When I hung up with Maya, I turned to Olivia with a big smile. I was a bit tired and annoyed to have Maya on my back all the time but I tried to take it lightly.

"Morning sunshine, how'd you sleep?"

My smile fell when I noticed she was frowning, her tiny pink lips parted. Why was I noticing her features like it was the very first time? She looked confused and I sat up too, my face not extremely close to hers.

"Are you still dating Maya?"

I was taken aback by her question and I frowned, shrugging a shoulder slowly.

"Yea, why?"

Suddenly, she got up, bringing her hands to her face and shaking her head, and I pushed the covers off of me as she turned around and scoffed, making me nervous. When she turned around, I realized she was crying as I saw some tears quickly running down her cheeks. Quickly and without thinking, I jumped out of bed and walked to her, grabbing gently both her elbows right after she pressed her palms back on her face.

"Hey, petal, what's wrong?"

She got out of my embrace a bit roughly and turned around her back facing me.

"You.."

I could hear anger in her voice, even if she barely talked, and my heart sunk in my chest.

"You.. you touched me, Niall!"

"I know." I pointed out in a low and calm tone. "I remember Olivia, I was there."

"You touched me and you still have a girlfriend!" she argued again, a little louder this time. "That's called cheating Niall! And you cheated with me! And now I feel like shit! What are you going to tell Maya, mm?"

"No, wait." i let out, moving my hand up slightly to stop her. "You felt like shit, I just wanted to make you feel better. I mean, yea I've thought about you in a sexual way for a few weeks now but, you were sad, and-"

"It's not the first time i'm sad Niall! But it's the first time you choose to finger me to make me feel better!"

I got a bit shocked by how blunt she was but there was no reason for me to be surprised. It was very much like her to be so bold and it was a part of her that I adored.

"What did you think? 'Oh i'm gonna give her an orgasm to make her happy again'? It doesn't bother you that your fucking girlfriend was waiting for you while your hand was in my pants?"

"It was... it meant nothing, I just.."

I sighed loudly and shook my head, my eyes closed. She was partially right. Perhaps I should have made things clear with her first and I definitely cheated on Maya but I couldn't get myself to regret it.

"I decided you'd be my priority now, Olivia." I confessed a bit rudely. "I'm not going to lose you, not again. I don't want to. You and I... it's forever. You know it, right? You feel it? I can't be the only one to feel it."

Her eyes watered again and this time, she closed her eyes. The tears that slid down her cheeks made my heart break and I took a step closer. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me. I wanted to tell her how much I needed her in my life and how horrible those weeks without her were but I didn't have time. God knows if I would have even told her. Was I courageous enough to be honest with her and with myself?

"Well wrong move, Niall." she pointed out in a low and shaky voice. She seemed calm suddenly and I knew it meant nothing good. "I need to be alone."

Still wearing her sweatpants and a t-shirt, she grabbed a sweater and her phone before leaving the room. I remained standing up, motionless, until I heard the door from her apartment close. After a while, I sighed, knowing how bad I had fucked up, and sat on her bed, rubbing my eyes a bit too hard. I should feel bad for Maya, and scared to lose her. I should regret touching my best friend, I should hate myself for acting selfishly and stupidly... but all I could focus on was the fear that I had pushed my best friend away. Again. And that this time, she was gone forever.

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