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aroworlds · 5 years

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Fiction: The Pride Conspiracy, Part Two

December isn't the best time of year for a trans aromantic like Rowan Ross, although—unlike his relatives—his co-workers probably won't give him gift cards to women's clothing shops. How does he explain to cis people that while golf balls don't trigger his dysphoria, he wants to be seen as more than a masculine stereotype? Nonetheless, he thinks he has this teeth-gritted endurance thing figured out: cissexism means he needn't fear his relatives asking him about dating, and he has the perfect idea for Melanie in the office gift exchange. He can survive gifts and kin, right? Isn't playing along with expectation better than enduring unexpected consequences?

Rowan, however, isn't the only aromantic in the office planning to surprise a co-worker.

To survive the onslaught of ribbon and cellophane, Rowan's going to have to get comfortable with embracing the unknown.

Contains: A trans allo-frayro trying to grit his teeth through the holidays, scheming aro co-workers, a whole lot of cross-stitch, another moment of aromantic discovery, and many, many mugs.

Content Advisory: A story that focuses on some of the ways Western gift-giving culture enables cissexism and a rigid gender binary, taking place in the context of commercialised, secular-but-with-very-Christian-underpinnings Christmas. Please expect many references to said holiday in an office where Damien hasn't figured out how to run a gift exchange without subjecting everyone to Santa, along with characters who have work to do in recognising that not everybody celebrates Christmas.

There are no depictions or mentions of sexual attraction beyond the words "allosexual" and "bisexual" and a passing reference to allo-aro antagonism, but there are non-detailed references to Rowan's previous experiences with and attitudes towards romance and romantic attraction as a frayromantic. Please also expect casual references to amatonormativity and other shapes of cissexism.

This section contains multiple depictions of platonic physical intimacy.

Length: 4, 789 words (part two of two).

I’ll have a pride coat! And nobody will have the least idea what it means!

On the last working day of the year, Rowan staggers into the office holding a plate of homemade shortbread—the top layer of plastic wrap bearing the Sharpie-written words “NOT FOR HOUSEMATES BUY YOUR OWN FUCKING BISCUITS”, his mood sour. On the one hand, he’s free until January (although he’ll prefer that circumstance more should this be a paid break). On the other hand, Christmas and its family awfulness tag-team with the heat to curse him with mind-racing, restless 4 AM wakefulness.

He chose right. Didn’t he?

In six days, he’ll have survived the family dinner and his housemates will be with their people or travelling for the holiday. He can bag up his presents for their customary donating, buy something online and spend the day baking food he doesn’t have to share or hide.

Christmas will be an exercise in endurance, but it’s a known terrible. Better to suffer one day of hell and leave than to poke the hydra in each of its eyes and allow it, enraged, to hunt him across the earth. Right?

“Rowan!” Melanie greets him at the door, today wearing a silky blouse with a poinsettia print, a pendant shaped like a miniature tree bauble, and stocking-shaped earrings of the heavy, dangly kind. A Santa hat trimmed with silver sequins and a large golden bell sits atop her short hair. “Merry Christmas!”

“Uh … back at you?”

“You didn’t wear anything Christmassy!” Melanie flutters her hands at him: she painted her glossy crimson nails with white and green stripes like the fancier sort of candy cane. “Can’t you get anything in your size?”

“No...” Rowan glances at his usual outfit: dress shoes, jeans black enough to resemble slacks on forgot-to-do-laundry days, navy shirt.

Couldn’t he have worn his cherry-red Docs?

Her suggestion gives him a convenient out, but isn’t he trying to be honest about his feelings? “I didn’t look. Christmas … isn’t that exciting when you’re enduring family.” He barks a laugh, hoping Melanie understands. “At least being trans, nobody asks me if I’m dating anyone or when I’m going to bring someone home to meet the family, because they don’t want to think about trans people in a relationship.” He steps sideways, hoping to navigate around her, put his plate down and move the conversation towards something less fraught. “I made shortbread. Do you like shortbread?”

He stiffens, trying not to panic, when Melanie envelops him in a bear hug, smushing Rowan’s chest and one arm against her necklace. “You spend Christmas with your family?”

“Don’t most people who celebrate it?” He shuffles out of her embrace to slide his cling-filmed plate onto Shelby’s desk beside a plastic container of pizza scrolls. He slips the ingredients card from his jeans pocket, straightens the creases and rests it by the plate. “Uh … is cling-film better or worse for the environment than biscuits in a freezer bag? I had a set of clip-seal containers, but my housemates left me two condiment-sized ones in the cupboard. I could use a bit of plastic or defrost frozen stir fry, except I didn’t know what I’d put that in if I used the stir fry container for the shortbread...”

Rowan realises he’s rambling and presses his lips together before he rants on how his containers must be growing five types of mould in the bottom of Matt’s backpack.

“Happy Holidays, everyone!” Shelby, both arms burdened by plastic cake containers, enters wearing a red T-shirt with the legend “All I Want for Christmas Is a Unicorn”, a glittery ribbon tied around the end of her braid. Only twice before has he seen her without a blazer. “Mel! Your earrings! Millers?”

Rowan swallows a laugh and, freed from awkwardness, heads for the relative comfort of his desk.

A party day, he soon realises, possesses a distressing lack of work. He acquires plates and spoons from the kitchenette, he works on a few photos from last week, he sorts his emails. He notices Melanie pulling Damien aside to talk about something that requires the waving of candy-cane fingernails, but, before he can start to wonder, the volunteer ropes him into a conversation about a loving family with unusual pavlova-eating habits. Shelby saves him from that oddity only to tell the story of her family’s chipping in to get her granddaughter a four-hundred-dollar dollhouse. “My parents wouldn’t have spent that much on a toy! How can anyone charge four hundred dollars for plastic?”

That seems like a good time to head over to the food table.

Shelby does make a good chocolate cake.

“Rowan.” Damien heads towards him, his approach signalled by a trailing, bell-ringing Melanie. “A minute?”

Nothing good has ever been heralded by this question. Nothing.

Rowan nods and follows them over to the whiteboard, standing in front of the List.

“Do you,” Damien says, at least doing the decent thing of asking straight out, “need somewhere to go for Christmas?”

Oh, god. What provoked this horror? Melanie?

Why...?

“We’d non-romantically love to have you.” Melanie’s smile beams as bright as her nails—her lips a close match for their glossy crimson basecoat. “Me and my daughter and her partner, I mean—not me and Damien together. It won’t be anything fancy, but you’re welcome to come.”

“My wife said my telling her about being recipro makes so much sense, and she’d like to ask questions of someone who actually knows things.” Damien nods, his holiday cheer demonstrated in the absence of a tie, rolled-up shirtsleeves and reflectively-shiny shoes. “And I make beer batter fritters.”

Never has Rowan heard Damien speak in aromantic-identity terms with that much casual fluidity, and he would smile but for two co-workers waiting, expectantly, for his answer.

How does he express appreciation for their kindness while explaining that he can’t not go home for Christmas?

A few moments pass before Rowan’s lips and tongue produce sounds that aren’t “I”, “uh” and “I … uh”. “Thanks? But … well, I’d be fine being alone on Christmas and I'm not doing that because … that’d be bad, so... And, you know, family? And I want to see my dog? So ... thanks, but...”

“But you’re one of us,” Melanie says with unusual solemnity, resting a hand on Rowan’s shoulder. “Just like Damien’s now one of—wait, we need to get you a mug! Why didn’t we get Damien a mug?”

“Well, actually...” Rowan, thanking the Aro Gods for Melanie’s willingness to head down any conversational tangent, darts towards his desk and satchel, the latter housing a heavy tissue-wrapped box. Pinkish-red, of course. “Here. Have a mug.”

“Oh! You should have told me!” Melanie’s lips tremble as she and Damien follow him back across the room. “I would have gotten a mug with you!”

Rowan rests the box on his lap, startled. Why didn’t he think to tell Melanie that he bought Damien a mug? (How else does one welcome another into aromantic kinship?) Why didn’t he wait until Damien was busy and order a mug with Melanie, instead of buying one on his phone on the train home from work?

Rowan owns skill in list-making, cross-stitch, baking, fixing other people’s photos and designing his own leaflets. He’s quietly proud of the many arts in which he dabbles with varying degrees of success. He’s mastered, too, survival on the fringes of other people’s lives, survival in a world where few are worth trusting. That ability though, makes him a man too comfortable in isolation. It makes him, in ways that have nothing to do with allosexual frayromanticism beyond his living in an aromantic-antagonistic world, a man who doesn’t know how to welcome other people into the house behind his five-metre fence.

He keeps everyone at arm’s length, even when—perhaps especially when—he plies his crafts for their benefit.

Does everyone experience acute flashes of insight at inconvenient times, the irrevocable sense that their personhood is one bewildering state of immeasurably fucked up?

“I’m sorry. Really.�� He passes the mug to Damien, looking at Melanie. “I’m used to doing things on my own. I should have thought, but I didn’t.”

“We do realise that,” Damien says, tearing both wrapping paper and the box lid in a sharp tug. “You got the green-stripe one—oh, wait, it’s got both?” His hands render the mug’s size almost laughable, but Rowan couldn’t find soup-sized variants from a store willing to custom print aromantic flags on crockery. “Mel, there’s both. The recipromantic-only one and the shared one. Thank you!”

Is Rowan imagining that hint of passive-aggression? “You realise...?”

“That you’re independent, that’d you’d rather suffer alone than risk asking for help, even when it causes problems for you. That you’re only comfortable with people when you’re in a position of knowledge or authority. We learnt early on that you work best when we get out of your way.” Damien sets the mug on the desk with a soft clink. “I’m not completely useless in my job, so try harder to stop rolling your eyes over my photos.”

“They’re terrible,” Melanie says, squeezing Rowan’s forearm—apparently forgiven. “You know that, right?”

“The next person to say they can do better has to prove it—”

“My dog photos prove it!”

“At an event! Not in your backyard!”

For a reason likely tied up in internalised ableism, Rowan thought anxiety his designated, annoyance-causing personality failing. His tendency to overreact, freak out, let things get to him; his tendency to shaking hands and rambling incoherence. He didn’t consider that, in the company of people more inclined to decency and less inclined to avoid criticism on deadnaming and cissexism by casting him as the problem, they may find something else frustrating or difficult.

“Is this...” Rowan halts, thinking better of it, before he says the words “being fired just before Christmas”. Even he doubts Damien capable of inviting someone to join him for the holiday only to retaliate with a firing on Rowan’s refusal, although logic doesn’t still his hands. What’s the good of logic if my anxiety still ignores it? “What is this?”

Damien shrugs, tapping a finger against his new mug. “Yearly performance evaluation, maybe? Shame that I’ll have to write it down. I’d rather just call this sort—”

“What’d you say on mine?” Melanie blurts, clapping her hands.

Damien raises both eyebrows. “As if I’d answer that sober!” He shakes his head; Melanie trills her laughter. “We realise that there’s reasons, Rowan. It isn’t a real problem for us, but it may be one for you. If you find yourself in the company of a therapist at some point, consider mentioning it?”

Reining in Melanie wasn’t the reason Damien asked her to work with Rowan, he realises in yet another dizzying, revelatory moment, but that isn’t the cause of Rowan’s spluttering. “If? You think it’s only if? I’d have more aro shit on my desk if I weren’t paying a psychiatrist and a psychologist!” He sighs and nods. “January. I see them January.”

“I don’t like to assume.” Damien shrugs again; Rowan guesses it his attempt at conveying casualness. “Given that this isn’t quite the … er, situation for this conversation, I should—”

“I’m fine,” Rowan says, thinking Melanie’s heedless interrupting a contagious quality. “Really. It’s good. Like actually...” He doesn’t know how to voice this feeling that, for the first time in his life, someone has voiced a critique that doesn’t feel like he’s being disdained or unravelled. “Melanie … again, I’m sorry.” He thinks the time right for another distraction and grabs the second parcel from his bag—tissue paper tied with strands of aro-coloured embroidery floss. “Here. I’ve been working on this. I got your name.”

Melanie lunges for the parcel, struggling to untie the knot with her long fingernails until Shelby—was she close by?—hands over a pair of scissors. Blades click shut; Melanie pulls away the paper.

Twenty square embroidered patches in the purples and greens of many aro-ace and aromantic pride flags cascade from Melanie’s hands onto the worn carpet.

Melanie has always been given to laughter, but the way she bends over, resting her elbows on her knees as though she can’t hold herself up, has Rowan fearing that he’s given her a heart attack via pride patches.

“Aro-ace! Are these all of them?” She draws a shaking breath and carefully kneels, gathering patches. “I didn’t know there were this many!”

“Aro and aro-ace. The ones I know about, anyway. There’s probably a few I don’t.”

“Did you make all these?” Shelby asks. “You should sell them!”

Rowan considers explaining why he’ll never make even minimum wage selling hand-embroidered patches in aro pride flag colours, but Melanie’s pulling him into another grasping hug has him scarce able to breathe, never mind speak. He doesn’t know for how long Melanie smothers him, just that she, like an eventual retreating tide, steps back, leaving Rowan bewildered and giddy. Perhaps this is too much?

“You’re a liar, and this must have taken forever, and you shouldn’t have. I can’t believe you sew!” Melanie shakes her head, shuffling through the patches. “There’s the aro-ace flag with blue and orange, and a combined one, and one without black stripes—oh, thank you!”

Rowan shrugs, relieved that she seems happy. “Do you have something to put them on?”

“I have a coat. I’ll have a pride coat! And nobody will have the least idea what it means!” Melanie grins, shaking her head, before leaning over to tap Damien on the forearm. “Should the rest of us swap gifts now?”

Damien settles himself down on the closest chair. “Good idea. Do you want to—”

“We’re doing Secret Santa now!” Melanie stands on her tiptoes, waving the hand not clutching a handful of patches. “Find your person and give your gift, and then come here and show me what you got! Rowan made me aro-ace patches! All the aro-ace patches!”

“You know your evaluation says ‘needs to stop interrupt—’”

“Quickly, because Damien’s nattering on about performance evaluations!”

Damien sighs, shakes his head and leans back on his chair, looking up at the ceiling. “Lord give me—is that mould up there?”

“Probably,” Rowan says, hoping that he doesn’t look like a man expecting to open a set of golf balls. Did Shelby get him and lie about Melanie? Does that explain the voice recording? “Does the janitor have a step ladder? It’d be easier to tell if we got up close.”

“She does, because of the lighting.” Damien shakes his head. “Remind me first week back to get someone in to look at that. Or to write it on the whiteboard before we leave.” He reaches inside his left trouser pocket, removes a small card-sized parcel held between thumb and pointer finger, and flips it onto Rowan’s lap with surprising deftness. “I think this will be appropriate? While I didn’t know what you planned for Melanie, I saw you working on the train one evening. You had earbuds in and were too busy looking at your hands to notice, but I guessed then you’d made your bag’s patches.”

“It’s hard to cross-stitch on a moving train,” Rowan says by way of apology, a shade confused: what gift needs this explanation? “Hard to cross-stitch well. Not so hard if you don’t care about neatness.” He peels back the tape—Damien wrapped the card the way he presses his suits, the edges inhumanly crisp—and finds a gift card for his local sewing store. Rowan stares, drops the card on his lap and slides his hands under his legs, doubtful he can say anything comprehensible past this isn’t a gift pack of golf balls.

“That’s what you got him? A gift card?” Melanie shakes her head and pokes Damien in the shoulder with startling vehemence; only Damien’s size and his feet, firmly planted on the ground, keep him from falling. “Did you put any thought into that? I don’t like to be that oldie—” She stops, scowling: Rowan can’t hold back his spluttering laughter. “As I was saying, gift cards are the laziest way to—Rowan’s laughing at me, isn’t he?”

Damien tucks his hands behind his head and leans further back in his chair, grinning up at the popcorn ceiling.

Moments—in which Shelby gives Damien a six pack of fancy-looking artisanal beer—pass before Rowan’s ribcage resumes its regular pattern of movement. Finally, he manages to rasp an explanation: “Buying a gift card for a department store? Impersonal, but okay if they shop there. Buying a gift card for a trans man at a clothing shop where every tag has woman on the label? Hateful, unless you know he wants it. Buying a gift card related to someone’s interests so they can pick what they want? Good. And I need fabric, so … thank you.”

“Did someone get you a Millers gift card?” Melanie asks, her hands raised to cover her mouth. “That’s horrible!”

“That’s Aunt Laura,” Rowan mutters. Melanie’s expression of horror, Damien’s surprising evaluation and the wonder of a good, useful present leaves him inclined to truth: “That’s the most considerate gift I’ll get. One with thought that isn’t ‘outright cissexism’ or ‘you’re a man so we’ll ignore your personality to give you the most generically-male of generically-male items’.” He places the gift card and paper on his desk before nodding at Damien, who continues his overgrown Cheshire Cat impression. “Really, thank you.”

Even though Rowan isn’t standing atop his desk to blather about names, the room falls into an uncomfortable quiet.

Shouldn’t someone rustle some wrapping paper? Bite into a biscuit? Thank somebody for their gift? Why aren’t they making noise?

Melanie breaks into a broad smile, threading her fingers together like a self-congratulatory cartoon villain. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Rowan’s body, ever alert to strangeness in the people around him, stiffens long before his brain concurs that this change in conversational direction is at minimum odd and veering towards confronting with a high likelihood of I’m so not going to like it.

Damien jerks upright, chair creaking. “Didn’t we talk about how to do this—”

“His aunt gave him a Millers gift card!” Melanie grabs Shelby by the arm and drags her towards the meeting room like an illegal firework gone out of control.

Damien isn’t much an arbiter of this office’s brand of chaos, but he’s the closest thing to a pillar of stability inside this mouse-scented bewilderment and therefore the person at which Rowan directs his questioning: “What...?”

“You know how Melanie gets all enthusiastic?” Damien runs both hands through his already-mussed hair. “She comes up with plans and you can’t so much stop her as guide her in the safest direction and hope you’re alive come the landing?”

Does Damien know that is the worst answer anyone can give to a man with more than one anxiety disorder? At least short of pronouncements like “we volunteered you to give year 12 biology students a seminar on recessive genes and you’re starting right now”? Wasn’t that something to do with the monk who grew beans? Hendel? Mendel? Or did he just grow beans at a monastery for some reason? Or was it peas?

“What...?” Rowan croaks, staring at the dark meeting room like a man waiting to face a starving tyrannosaurus.

“She thought we should demonstrate our acceptance of you, after our failures in this. And then she realised Christmas isn’t a great time of year for you, which made her even more … uh, enthusiastic. I made her promise she’d do this after everyone else left, but...”

Melanie staggers out of the meeting room with a large basket held in both hands, a basket covered with glinting cellophane and decorated with a mix of blue and green ribbons.

Shelby trails after her, clasping another pair of scissors.

Rowan will never understand, never mind be able to explain, the thought processes leading to his diving off his chair for the sanctuary underneath his desk—just that one moment he’s sitting on his chair and the next he’s crouching beside computer cables and a lid from someone’s Pikachu lunch box. Some primeval sense of cave as safety, perhaps … but didn’t prehistoric humanity fear cave bears and cave lions? Aren’t large, bright spaces, with visibility and room to run, safer than small, dark places concealing unknowable predators? What about drought, then? Or deserts? Are there any safe places, really...?

Melanie holds no respect for the ancient tenets of let the hiding man hide undisturbed until he’s ready to stop hiding, but she does rest the basket on the ground at the entrance of Rowan’s desk-cave, blocking legs and chairs from sight. “Merry Christmas,” she warbles from behind the mountain of cellophane and wicker. “We hope there’s something there that you like!”

“Happy Holidays!” Shelby echoes, followed by a few more rounds from the rest of the office. “Do you want scissors? Melanie wraps things like she’s paid to use sticky tape by the metre.”

“We only have cheap tape in the office! It won’t stick unless you use heaps!” A thunking sound echoes from above Rowan’s head, and then Melanie’s candy-striped hand reaches around the leg of his desk, offering Shelby’s scissors. “Here. You’ll ... probably need them.”

There’s something to be said for this workplace’s willingness to treat escapades atop and beneath office furniture as normal, Rowan thinks. Breathe. “Than—uh—thanks.” He takes the scissors, staring at the back of shining cellophane; a miscellany of shapes wrapped in green paper sit within like an aromantic dragon’s treasure hoard.

“Damien, can you make them give us better tape next year?”

“We can have good tape if we stop spending the stationery money on good coffee and your fancy teas?”

“The tape’s fine,” Melanie announces before changing the subject: “Rowan? Are you opening anything? You have to tell us what you’re opening if you’re going to do it down there. Oh, do be careful—I think Liam used to shove his chewing gum under the table.”

Rowan shudders, but better his hair brushing old chewing gum over seeing his gift-opening become the focus of everyone’s attention! He draws a steadying breath, tells himself delay won’t help and slits the cellophane until he can draw out a wrapped box, one suspiciously weighty. At least fifty pieces of tape fasten the flaps on each end; Rowan promises himself that he’ll wrap everything in string and tea towels from now on before ripping into the paper. A mug with five horizontal bands wrapped around its body, the trans flag fading into the aro flag—blue into green, pink into green, white unchanged, pink into grey, blue into black.

Shelby, he thinks in disbelief, the non-existent golf balls making their appearance inside his throat. He rests the mug in his lap before reaching through the cellophane with shaking, sweating hands for another box. Another box with the same dimensions and weight...

“Oh, god,” he whispers.

His co-workers got him a basket of pride mugs for Christmas.

Melanie breaks into ringing laughter.

He needs a moment to find his voice, a moment in which he unwraps a mug with a gradient allo-aro design and another with the aromantic flag on one side and the bisexual flag on the other. “Did you … did you … uh, get me any coffee to go with all my mugs?”

“It’s on the bottom!” Melanie trills. “And it isn’t just mugs!”

“Mostly mugs,” Damien says.

After another couple of minutes, a gradient frayromantic and a frayromantic-and-allo-aro mug join the collection precariously balanced on Rowan’s thighs. He sighs in relief when the next item in the basket feels soft, flat and light, something rustling underneath the wrapping paper, but a second lot of golf balls settle in his throat when he spots the pink and blue stripes, the drape of fabric: a trans pride flag.

He can’t swallow, can’t lessen the burn in his eyes or ease the stiffness in his jaw and neck; his fingers fight to tear, peel and grasp. Bewildered to the point of dizziness, he finds an aromantic flag with its glorious green stripes, a frayromantic-and-bisexual mug and the expensive coffee Rowan permits himself on special occasions.

He scoops wrapping paper and boxes back into the basket before hugging his clinking pile of mugs and flags.

Inchoate feeling abounds: a tangle, a knot of emotion with trailing threads of pleasure and overwhelm, surprise and gratitude, guilt and shame ... and something like the shock of being slapped across the face. They shouldn’t have done this! He shouldn’t be like this! Why is this too much? Why can’t he say “thank you” and express a normal, sensible gratitude for these people doing what Rowan’s family can’t ... instead of struggling with the feeling that Rowan, ungrateful and demanding, doesn’t deserve anything from people who have provoked his annoyance, frustration and alienation?

Mugs. Mugs and flags.

Why does something this wondrous have to hurt so much?

After a few moments, the only sound from him the chink of shifting crockery, someone moves the basket. Melanie sits on the floor and wriggles herself backwards underneath the table, grunting, to sit beside him. For once, she doesn’t speak; she rests a hand around his shoulder and lets him be a shivering mass of man clasping mugs.

Finally, Rowan’s rasping, croaking voice manages a few words: “Is this why Shelby recorded me ... talking about my identities?”

“I told you he thought it was suspicious!” Shelby crawls to Rowan’s other side, her braid trailing over the carpet. “Mel said you’d think it was just me being old—no, nobody does that!” She clasps his forearm, squeezing like a vice on wood. “Mel tried seeing if you’ve got a … all those accounts that aren’t Facebook, where you might say what you are? But she couldn’t find you, so I had my granddaughter show me how to record you. We knew we wouldn’t remember if you just said them.”

“I don’t know all the flags yet,” Melanie says in apologetic tones. “And I thought if I made the others check, they’d learn more about us!”

Part of Rowan feels a habitual spike of terror at the thought of offline people finding his social media accounts; part of him feels a quiet pride at Melanie’s using him to educate others in aromanticism. Most of him, fearing a blubbering breakdown, clings to the lifeline of asking questions: “And why Damien started that whole conversation?”

“We had to know where your mug seller was.” Damien bends down to peer underneath the desk and, at Melanie’s brow-arched stare, adds: “I’m not getting under there! You’ll have to call the SES to cut me out!”

Rowan nods and draws a breath. “I … I...”

“You’re very welcome.” Shelby squeezes his arm again. “Can I have your shortbread recipe? They’re good!”

“Yeah. Bag. Front pocket, left-hand side. People ask, so...” Rowan tries for another slow inhale. It’s supposed to help. Supposed.

His family expects gratitude said clearly and directly, even when undeserving; they’ll never take emotional speechlessness as its shorthand. They want the formula followed, interactions never deviating from the same narrow structure: gift given, thanks provided, everything right in their world where it’s the thought that counts justifies disrespect of another’s personhood. They avoid messiness and honesty; they fear navigating and acknowledging mistakes and missteps.

They won’t see him as a man, or understand the pain they cause in believing his masculinity something he can put aside for their comfort, because they fear a world with unpredictability and fluidity.

Mum and Dad will never conspire to give him a gift like this. They’ll never want to get to know Rowan well enough to try. They’ll never put his needs ahead of their comfort. They’ll never speak of challenges or difficulties with Damien’s kind casualness. They’ll never want to acknowledge their failures. They’ll never give him an awkward, chaotic Christmas that veers from their notions of how things are supposed to be.

Does he want to endure their narrowness, now that he knows what better looks like?

Does he want to endure their truth that Rowan Ross isn’t a real man to them—and won’t be a real person until he remembers his deadname and the stereotypical trappings of the gender presumed to accompany it?

Or does he want to expect and get something else?

Maybe he doesn’t want a world so predictable his erasure becomes acceptable collateral damage for sticking to the pattern.

Maybe, despite his anxiety, he wants a world where people can surprise him.

“Melanie? Damien?” Rowan, shaking, pokes his head out from underneath the desk. “Can I … can I still spend Christmas with one of you?”

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imtheperfectvoid · 5 years

Photo

I’ve had this class made for a good while but I finally decided to post it to Tumblr — here’s the cast of my fangan! The story involves a group of Hope’s Peak alumni being gathered for physical and mental examination under the guise of being eligible for a federally-awarded grant for graduates of Hope’s Peak. However, because it’s a DR game, they’re trapped in the facility they’re gathered in and are placed in a killing game.

You can read the bios of each character below the cut!

Hisahito “Hito” Kanbara ♂

Height: 5'6"

Birthday: Mar 16

Age: 23

Occupation: Shinist priest

Likes: Astronomy

Dislikes: Lying

(Note: his Name in Kanji is Written as 尚人 meaning “esteemed person” but he calls himself just “Hito” (Person) because humility is one of his largest virtues and feels it’s important to put the good of the world before himself)

The protagonist of the game, and quite honestly the perfect example of “lawful good”. A kind-hearted, genuine boy with a penchant for seeking the truth and attaining growth, he feels that this game is truly going to test his faith and his virtues while being tempted to bring violence and harm to his fellow classmates. His devotion to his “Great Mother” - Shinomoi, a goddess representing truth, faith, and luck - is what keeps him steady and strong during his time in the game, and through her divine power is he able to piece everything together and bring every trial to a complete close... at least, he believes it is her aid that allows him to do so.

Atsuko Kurishita ♀

Height: 5′1″

Birthday: Nov 22

Age: 24

Occupation: Interior decorator

Likes: Glitter

Dislikes: Grapes

A bubbly, excitable girl with a keen eye for decor and design, she’s responsible for refurnishing and garnishing the homes of hundreds of homes across Japan, even many celebrities and well-known figures. She is a very emotional person, and can quickly jump from one to the next - quick to smile, quick to anger, quick to cry. She is also an overwhelmingly positive force in the games, collecting as many “pretty” things as she can find and presenting them with kind words to anyone in need of friendship or care. Her ditzy nature can sometimes hinder trials’ progression, but she can just as easily provide many helpful clues with her 1.5 eyes for detail.

Vox Stratos ♂

Height: 5’11″

Birthday: May 1

Age: 24

Occupation: LARPer

Likes: Wind chimes

Dislikes: Sour candy

Being very soft-spoken and gentle, it’s clear that this delicate man is very deep into his self-assigned role as Vox Stratos, an Air Genasi bard that is set on a mission to travel the multiverse and bring peace to his own lands. He can be very dramatic and overzealous in his endeavors and mannerisms, but his intentions are pure and his words are always genuine. However, he tends to be quite dim in terms of piecing together the overall mystery of a trial, and will usually have to be guided by another’s explanations to fully grasp the situation. There can only be speculation as to what kind of person he may really be beneath the guise of Vox Stratos.

Noburo Himura ♂

Height: 6′8″

Birthday: April 25

Age: 30

Occupation: Gravedigger

Likes: Rabbits

Dislikes: Heavy rainfall

A quiet, scary-looking guy like him is definitely someone everyone feels wary of; in truth, it’s not like they have much to be concerned with. Outwardly, his appearance would not leave you surprised to know that he’s responsible for plotting mass graves in no time flat. Despite this, he can be quite the gentle force. His heavy spirituality and desire to keep the worlds of the living and the dead in peace make him a rather benevolent person behind the mask. He may be quiet, but he can offer some solid arguments and points during a trial, and it only aids his usefulness to the group.

Minoru Kurosawa ♀

Height: 4'5"

Birthday: Aug 31

Age: 28

Occupation: Dentist

Likes: History documentaries

Dislikes: Loud music

Despite her stature, she is renowned as a superb force in the dentistry community - having single-handedly performed dental miracles on even the most disastrous of teeth. She is quite like a stern mother figure of the group, always keeping everyone in line and providing herself as a means of support whenever necessary. Her mind is tough and she can be very no-nonsense, but she does mean well in the end. A rather neutral force in trials and investigations, she tends to shine more outside of them and in the element of simple social contact between murders.

Takumi Achikita ♂

Height: 5′7″

Birthday: Feb 8

Age: 25

Occupation: Keysmith

Likes: Sunflowers

Dislikes: Annoying people

Famous for his ability to craft keys that open any and all locks, this cold boy is certainly a foil character of the group. He’s cocky, arrogant, and manipulative - and his only goal for this game is to escape, whatever that may mean for him. His uppity, loner behavior is backed by cold outbursts and isolation from the rest of the group, with hardly any empathy or show of concern for others’ wellbeing. Despite this, he does provide excellent talking points and arguments during trials, making him an unfortunately helpful force during investigations.

Sayuri Akashi ♀

Height: 5′3″

Birthday: Jan 2

Age: 28

Occupation: Biochemist

Likes: Renaissance art

Dislikes: The ocean

This mysterious lady is one of the most analytical and logical minds of the group, her forward-thinking mindset being a key part in how effectively she’s concocted several “miracle drugs” that have successfully aided in the world of eradicating/improving mental health. Her sharp eyes are a blessing for investigations, able to latch onto any minute detail and provide ample evidence into a trial. However, her logic cannot help but cripple her in terms of social understanding and communication with the group.

Habiki Bando ♂

Height: 5′9″

Birthday: July 7

Age: 25

Occupation: Drummer

Likes: Frogs

Dislikes: Serious conversations

This upbeat boy has a passion for drumming and an even bigger passion for making people smile. He’s the drummer for a ska band so successful and well-adored, he’s considered as “The Boy Who Made Ska Actually Cool”. His joyful nature and his constant joking (despite the fact that his humor tends to fall flat and not work) creates a very friendly appearance for him. Unfortunately, his cheeriness cannot overshadow the fact that his usefulness in trials and investigations is less-than-admirable. However, some of his capabilities may have some sort of merit down the road, if he keeps his ears open.

Koya Hamasaki ♂

Height: 5′11″

Birthday: Oct 11

Age: 26

Occupation: Sea captain

Likes: Letter-writing

Dislikes: Clowns

This foul-mouthed guy has the capability to successfully and efficiently man the wheel of any sea vessel put in front of him, and this notability is something that has built up his status as the Ultimate Captain. He’s quite the loud, rambunctious party type, and his dirty humor and sly comments are a large aspect of his outward, confident appearance. This confidence also drives him to assert control and act as the head of the party, despite most everyone’s protest. However, this confidence is faulty in trials, leading him to be more hasty in judgement. Perhaps something lies beneath that confidence that he works to hide?

Tetsuya Yomohiro ♂

Height: 6′0″

Birthday: May 15

Age: 27

Occupation: ???

Likes: Gin

Dislikes: Insects

Waking up with little to no personal memory, he doesn’t let this sway him in his endeavors to focus on the game and protect himself from certain death. Although he may not know much of his own life, he certainly knows how to throw around wit and banter and talk his way around any situation thrown at him. He’d prove helpful as an ally, but he could become quite the bother as an enemy. Despite his quiet charm, it’s easy to see he harbors a lot of natural sadness and pessimism, always looking to stifle his emotions with a drink or a cigarette. Whoever he may be, he clearly has a lot on his mind, even with the amnesia.

Yama Ryumine ♀

Height: 5′10″

Birthday: July 24

Age: 28

Occupation: Rock Climber

Likes: Alternative music

Dislikes: Economics

Famous for scaling mountainsides in record times with relative ease, she’s cocky and brave, always needing to be moving and cannot sit still to save her life. She’s a bit dense in terms of putting things together, but her bravery is always much appreciated in terms of bringing others to justice and understanding. All about fairness and equality, she is quick to defend others and give the benefit of the doubt.

Masumi Ichino ♀

Height: 5′3″

Birthday: Sep 18

Age: 23

Occupation: Calligraphy teacher

Likes: Video games

Dislikes: Yelling

This studious girl has been deemed her talent based on her superior capabilities to mimic most handwriting styles and can craft the most eloquent-looking calligraphic wordforms, even being so skilled as to personally pen the lettering of notices from high officials of Japan (the irony is that her natural handwriting is garbage). She’s quite docile and easy to startle and fluster, but her good-hearted nature and her clever mind makes her a valuable ally during the killing game.

Riku “Rick” Ushinōka ♂

Height: 5′5″

Birthday: Mar 2

Age: 24

Occupation: Farmer/”Cowboy”

Likes: Origami

Dislikes: Dark chocolate

This quiet boy, given the official title of Ultimate Farmer, is largely responsible for creating one of Japan’s highest-grossing farmlands in the nation’s recorded history, producing mass quantities of produce and farm life that has kept Japan strongly powered. His entire life has been in moderate isolation, having been homeschooled up until being brought to Hope’s Peak, so his communication skills amongst people his age leaves a lot to be desired. Though he lacks a fair amount of common sense and intelligence, what he does provide is a sharp eye for detail and order, and his capabilities to notice details will prove useful in his time in the killing game.

Yuriko Iwasaki ♀

Height: 5′7″

Birthday: Oct 29

Age: 25

Occupation: Chess player

Likes: Sudoku puzzles

Dislikes: Working hard

This proud girl has countless trophies, plaques, and awards recognizing her as the world’s most proficient grandmaster of chess. Her mind is sharp and her tongue is equally so - she has quite the sense of self-importance, believing herself to be the strongest asset in the killing game and talking down to anyone who views otherwise. Despite her rough, callous nature, she does provide quite the analytical perspective and holds the potential to be incredibly useful during trials and investigations.

Rei Obara ♀

Height: 5′7″

Birthday: Jan 18

Age: 26

Occupation: Cutler

Likes: Horror films

Dislikes: Cuttlefish

This girl is cold and aloof, her notoriety as one of the most gifted knife-makers in the world certainly affecting this reputation; she holds the capability to craft a razor-sharp blade from nearly any material given to her (see kiwami japan). Her humor is dry and her wit is endless, and she has little interest in making friends or growing close with anyone, fully understanding the severity of the situation and knowing that her status as a cutler certainly paints her as a threat, pushing her to further distance herself from the group. Despite this distance and her lack of ability to pick up on the nuances of the game, perhaps she can still prove useful in defending the rest of the group from whatever ultimate evil their captor has planned.

Jato Wakashira ♂

Height: 6’1″

Birthday: Oct 1

Age: 26

Occupation: Fashion designer

Likes: Summertime

Dislikes: Rough textures

This vivacious, lively man is the creator of some of the most trendy, in-style clothing collections, achieving international success and fame early on in his solo career and attained a celebrity status and amassed a huge social following. His flirtatious charisma and cheery attitude make him incredibly amiable, and his passion for clothing is unrivaled. Though he works hard to try and get along with everyone and get in the good graces of everyone in the game, he can’t help but form a bit of a wall with everyone and keep people at arm’s length throughout the events - a natural distrust lying beneath the surface. He fears anyone getting too close and discovering what he’s really like behind all the charm and sweetness - not fear for himself, but fear for them.

Kana Jikiba ♀

Height: 5’5”

Birthday: Feb 27

Age: 25

Occupation: Ceramicist

Likes: Raspberries

Dislikes: Loud noises

This bizarre girl has a lot of strangeness and uncertainty about her character - not many people are sure of her background, her nationality, or anything of that sort. However, what most people do know about her is her incredible aptitude for crafting some of the finest porcelain pieces to ever be made; everything from plates to tea sets to decorative pieces to even her own mask has the careful touch of a genuine artist behind them. She may be proficient in the art of ceramics, but she seems to struggle to effectively communicate and connect with other people - her mannerisms, way of speaking, and overall demeanor radiates an aura that makes most people wonder if she’s even human underneath that mask. Despite this, she’s a pleasant force with a surprising amount of intellect that always tries her best to maintain the peace.

#danganronpa #danganronpa oc #fanganronpa #dr oc group #dr oc #void draws

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syubology · 5 years

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How to Start Writing

A lot of questions I’ve gotten over the past few years have been to do with actually starting to write, putting those first words down. Sometimes it’s people who used to write and are daunted by the task of getting back into it, other times it’s brand new writers, just tiny word-gremlins brimming with untapped inspiration, lacking the cynicism induced by years.. decades of having your life ruled by imaginary creatures.

At the end of the day, the only tried and tested tip for starting to write is WRITE, but I will try to provide you with a few others for the sake of appearances.

🌙

1. Start Small.

Maybe you’re incredibly imaginative and you have this entire fantasy series in your head just ready to be put on paper, but... try not to rush into it. When I started writing first, every idea I had was for a novel, but I didn’t actually have the skills (and still don't) to complete a novel, so this led to a string of failed projects, which is not good for the delicate soul of a tiny word-gremlin.

If you do have a big idea you love, I would suggest writing smaller stories, with simpler plots, based in that universe - for example, you could use a prompt list/generator (Google them, they’re everywhere) and adapt those prompts to your universe. If your story is some epic sci-fi horror series and the prompts are about funfair dates, it could make for quite an interesting time. These exercises will allow you to work on your characters and your world, while giving you time to build the skills you need to one day develop the story into something bigger.

If you want to work on fan-fiction specifically, fluffy drabbles are your friend. You can start NSFW if you really want to, but I don’t advise it. Some people find smut comes easiest to them, but for me - and most writers I know - sex is one of the hardest things to write. Again, you can try prompt generators (like this OTP one here) or check places like Twitter for AU ideas - although, if you’re planning to post/share your story, do not use other people’s AU ideas without their permission!

2. Read! Watch! Consume!

Consuming other media is literally one the most important things for writers and new writers in particular. Watching/reading casually is a great way to spark some inspiration, but if you find something you really love, something that makes you think I wish I wrote this, then I suggest going over it again with a more critical eye. Focus on the character development, the plot, the aesthetics - try to pinpoint the aspects of it that really make it resonate with you. Low-stress exercises like this will also help you learn more about storytelling in general without actually putting much effort in, so it’s win-win.

3. Adjust Your Expectations.

Understand that creative writing, especially on the scale of a novel, is a skill which needs to be developed. Just because you got good grades in English class does not automatically mean you’re going to be an excellent writer, and just because you’re not an excellent writer now doesn’t mean you never will be. No one picks up a paintbrush for the first time and expects to create a masterpiece. Artists of all sorts work hard for years to hone their craft and develop their style, and writers are no exception to this. You will not be good overnight and half the stuff you write in your first year, you probably won’t be able to read by next year because it will make you cringe so hard - but that’s not a bad thing! This means you’ve improved so much that even you can see it and getting a writer to acknowledge their own growth is no simple feat.

4. PRACTICE, but maybe not too hard?

There’s no such thing as I can’t write, or I can’t draw, or I can’t ride a bike. You can - with practice. You should know what your goals are with your writing and adjust your practice based on this. Do you just wanna spend one or two evenings a week writing about your OTP/OCs on cute dates? That’s fine, work at your own pace, and don’t force yourself to write if you’re not feeling it. Are you angling for a six-figure book deal? Then you write till your eyes bleed, my fren, you write till your bones are empty and your laptop keyboard is talking back to you.

That said, you do need to know when to stop. Creative burnout (which is a big cause of writer’s block) is real and it is horrible. Practice isn’t always a blast, but it should never be torture. Maybe you need that six-figure book deal more than you need life itself (big mood), but you also need to sleep, friend, you also need to do some things that aren’t writing or you will lose your goddamn mind.

5. Bonus: Write Because You Want to Write.

I’ve used the artist/drawing analogy several times because over the years in fandom, I’ve seen quite a few people start writing simply because they ‘can’t draw’ and writing seems like a good alternative. While I don’t enjoy the common misconception that being a good writer is easier than being a good artist, I’m not saying those people are wrong. Everyone should dabble in the arts and see what their creative side has to offer - this might be how you find your true calling and that’s wonderful. Just understand that while writing comes a little easier to some, it’s not easy for anyone. There is a huge pressure in certain fandoms to create in order to feel included, so just make sure that you’re having fun with what you’re doing and not simply succumbing to that pressure.

A Final Note:

I’m not trying to shit on artists with all these analogies, I swear, I worship them as gods. Each artistic craft has its own skill-set and they can’t be fairly compared, but people to tend to understand how difficult drawing/painting is because we’ve all been forced to attempt it at one time or another; however, people rarely grasp just how difficult it can be to write a good story because they got A’s on their ‘My Summer Holidays’ essays in primary school. So, one last thing to keep in mind is this: artists have an abundance of tools and mediums at their disposal, and they can try their hand at each until they find one that suits them; writers only have words and must build worlds with them.

Thank you for reading! This is my first proper post like this, so I’m pretty nervous and a Libra, so I’d appreciate praise and validation. But! If you have any more questions about this post or suggestions for future posts, please shoot me an ask! You will not be annoying me - I wouldn’t have made this blog if I didn’t wanna help other writers - and there are no stupid questions!

#writing #writing advice #writing tips #writing help #writeblr #syubvice

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invertedeidolon · 4 years

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The Longest Library #6: The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: A Magical Story by Marie Kondo

This is a series in which I attempt to read and review all (or most of) my library of 297 books.

Rundown: Chiaki is a twenty something on her own, with a messy apartment that's been attached to a lifetime of failed relationships (although a lot of them seem like unrequited crushes she tried waaaay too hard for). The clutter and the drain it causes literally buries her own dreams and aspirations. Even if you don't intend to use KonMarie's method for things, it's a cute and concise way to see the impact it has when properly applied. Very wholesome, 5/5, would even give to my grandma.

Because of copyright and being respectful to the authors and artists, I'm going to try and keep pictures to a minimum, and do my best to describe things without them. Such is the hazards of reviewing a manga.

First off, before you even open the book, it's got this really nice matte satin finish on it. It's extremely pleasant. I had to just pause and say that for a second.

When I first picked this up in barnes and noble about a year ago, I didn't expect it to be so... I guess rich? There was no part of it that felt wasted or unnecessary. All of it felt good, and if it wasn't good, it was better. The art is pretty simplistic, almost all of it done in the same pen, and if you look close enough it all retains that human element. You can tell a hand did that. But it's still so consistent and, I suppose experienced, that it doesn't become distracting. The characters stay on model and don't look too weird, even when drawn tiny and comedically.

I like how the very first step is deciding that you want to tidy up. Even if the method described is much different than what everybody thinks it is, still coming at it with that same willingness and energy, resolute to do some real work, is necessary. It isn't as frantic and energy consuming as the heavy cleaning most people think of, but instead the method can be emotionally and mentally taxing. It requires that same decision to dedicate yourself to it.

Even though my house isn't as fine tuned as it would be had I used the konmarie method, I still make a point to do small tidying sessions as soon as I see there's a need for it. I come from a hoarder house and so do my partners, so there's an extra motivation to keep the space as far away from that as possible.

That being said, I recognize the main character's exhaustion. The startling mess that comes from such a professional seeming young woman just doesn't really register, she just kind of lives with it 'for the time being' (this is a phrase that pops up later).

As an aside, When she goes to answer the door, there's this curtain she pulls over to kind of hide the rest of the apartment behind her. I have no idea if it's a staple of Japanese apartments (in which case, what a neat idea! Nobody who's just at the door needs to know what my home looks like). If it's just her, deciding that she needs a curtain to hide her embarrassment, however... just damn.

So the reality of needing to tidy up sets in when the neighbor accidentally DOES see what her apartment is like. (He initially came to tell her to please get the garbage off her balcony because it's starting to stink... she kept putting it there, intending to bring it down in the morning, but then forgets). So a valiant? effort is made. But the roadblocks to starting on such a huge mess is apparent. Can't do garbage, there's too much on the balcony already. The sink is so backed up and she can't find the sponge. You kind of move from task to task and can't really find a place to start because you don't know HOW to start. And tackling something that huge in more manageable pieces isn't for everybody. Sometimes you can make messes faster than you can clean them. So it feels like treading water, like you're not getting anywhere. And that's usually where people give up. So she does.

Also, I find it hilarious that she found out about KonMarie while on a search for proof that there's people who are way messier than her.

She was totally expecting a Hoarders type situation. Nope! It's all just you and this tiny fairy woman.

So this being my first exposure to KonMarie, I was actually super invested when she asked this question. I appreciate this question so much. My (literal) garbage television of choice is Hoarders, and usually on that show, if they set goals, it's extremely short term. Mostly because they have only so much time that the workers can be there. Sometimes it's even so small as 'clear this one hallway so that my husband doesn't fall and break his leg and potentially die in his own home'. Meanwhile KonMarie is over here like 'what's your life going to look like after your place is clean'? Which is a very good question to ask, especially if you don't want someone to fall back into old habits. Cleaning is basically making room for yourself and your life, instead of just your stuff.

So, living 'for the time being'. I see this way of living as a form of energy preservation. You don't make the effort to do the 'right' thing, which would be expending the small effort to clear your coffee table so you can have a nice place to eat breakfast tomorrow. That's okay, it's just temporary, right? But then the next day, you go to have breakfast. You see the messy table and immediately deflate. You need to eat standing now because you don't have the time to clear the table AND make breakfast. You don't feel as great as you could be, but that's okay, right? The trend unfortunately continues. It also spreads to other areas of your life. Unfortunately, by preserving energy by not doing the small tasks, the small tasks become bigger ones. That you no longer have the energy for. Especially now that you're having to SPEND energy working around those large tasks. Doing the small thing in the first place would mean you would RECEIVE energy as a result. Clearing the table the night before means a nice, calm peaceful breakfast, and you get to the rest of your day feeling energized now that you've had that bit of quiet to yourself. If you find yourself avoiding tasks, you might need to do something specifically to restore yourself. That's what self care is about in the context of maintaining your space.

“Nine out of ten items demoted to loungewear...are never worn!”

So, I have this talent for knowing where everything is in the house at all times and remembering what I have (a Forbidden Skill that comes from living with hoarders and also a shitty birthgiver who would arbitrarily throw stuff away). And I know exactly which pieces of clothing she's talking about. The huge pair of pj pants that I barely use unless it's abnormally cold. The various camisole tops with the missing underwire that I don't wear because the straps are synthetic and melted at the ends so it makes this unfortunate stabby bit. Yeah. I should get rid of those. Tshirts and shorts are better off as loungewear because that's what I use them for apart from exercising.

"Besides, why would you wear joyless clothes inside when you would never wear them outside? Your time at home should be special too."

This is something I've come to appreciate during quarantine. I feel TONS better when I'm wearing something nice, even inside. I get more work done and I feel more professional when I actually 'get dressed' instead of trying to work in my nightgown. Even putting on an apron makes housework feel more purposeful. (I'm going to take this to the next level and eventually make my own apron)

This is what I mean by it becoming draining over time. Even a good day is hampered by coming home to a cluttered area. Even having one space to sit that looks nice helps. (for context, Chiaki only just tidied her clothes, but nothing else yet, so she had an amazing day, feeling great in clothes that made her feel great, and then came home to this.)

"Books that haven't been moved in a while are dormant, so it's hard to judge whether to keep or discard them."

I appreciate this humanizing element of objects. I feel like a lot of us are taught early on to stop caring so much about our belongings, especially when they're no longer age appropriate, and we're pressured by peers and parents to 'let go'. When I give any object in my home a character or spirit, I find I take much better care of it. It's also partially the basis of my teddy bear medical project (the stuffed animal is essentially an emotional mirror, and taking care of the bear helps it echo back a need to care for yourself). Also interesting, to quote from wikipedia: "Kondo says that her method is partly inspired by the Shinto religion. Cleaning and organizing things properly can be a spiritual practice in Shintoism, which is concerned with the energy or divine spirit of things (kami) and the right way to live (kannagara)"

Also on the subject of books, I readily agree that #thelongestlibrary is a way for me to avoid immediately throwing away books. But now that I can make regular content out of them, they all have a purpose now, don't they?

This bastard. No matter how many times I purge my writing stash, one of these always shows up. Why is it sticky??????

"That's right. Things that are kept 'just because' are stored 'just because', and accumulate 'just because'."

This is true. However, I'm in a weird place because of my skills and profession. Can KonMarie please come validate my decision to keep crafting supplies and surplus packaging???

"Instead of buying storage goods to make do, wait until you've completely finished and look for ones you really like" "You mean don't buy things 'Just because!' "

I don't know how many times I've seen a messy house with a stack of brand new storage bins, never used, or storage bins overstuffed and sometimes broken. Something I forgot to mention that is a huge part of the KonMarie method, is organizing by category, and not by room. You get ALL of one object in the house, and put it in a pile in the middle of the floor, so you can see just how much you have (clothes, books, cosmetics, etc.) If you clean by room, you may have gotten all the clothes in the bedroom put away nicely, but they there's still dirty laundry, and also the workout clothes in the living room, and some in the bathroom, and it all doesn't fit and has to go in a storage container or gets stuffed in a weird place and you never see it again! So don't get storage. If it doesn't fit in your house, that means it likely doesn't fit in your current life. And either the object has to go, or your life needs to change.

"Wait, it's not the things I'm discarding, but the things I'm keeping that are in this room!"

This is a principle that I think didn't really occur to me, or a lot of people. Getting rid of excess stuff is important, yes, but making sure what you're keeping is meaningful is equally and sometimes even more important. It's something that could be applied to all areas of your life.

"Your home is linked to your body. If it isn't comfortable to live in, you'll feel exhausted, just like I did."

KonMarie puts so much love into her method. If you've never seen her show, I highly recommend it. It isn't like Hoarders at all. It's like the difference between American Gordon Ramsey and The Great British Bakeoff. Even if the families depicted are a little tense, it's clear they still love each other deeply and just need to be guided into making their home a place where that love can happen unimpeded.

If you've never gotten into KonMarie, I'd say this is a stellar first exposure. I love the hell out of this tiny, thoughtful woman.

Have a couple of bonus faces because the artist is a gem.

*don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious*

I’ve already lost count of my books. 6 down, 200 something to go.

#thelongestlibrary #book review #marie kondo #konmarie #the magic of tidying #manga

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callioope · 5 years

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Questions Meme!

Hello, yes, this HAS in fact been sitting in my drafts for ages and ages. Thank you to both @crazy-fruit and @ruby-red-inky-blue for tagging me and for waiting forever for me to answer (oops)! I’m sorry I took so long, but y’all ask really good questions and I had to think about some of them!

Question Set 1

1. How are you?

Oh, I’m doing alright! Thank you for asking. The earlier part of this year was rather rough, but therapy has been helping. I’ve been rather busy these past few weeks with traveling, and my schedule going forward is rather busy, too, so while I’m excited for those things, I’m also excited for the eventual moment I can just relax.

2. What would you say are your talents?

Writing. Making fancy color-coded spreadsheets. I’ve been told that my super power is getting random (annoying) songs stuck in other people’s heads. Does that count as a talent?

3. If you had the chance to start your life again, would you take it?

NOPE. No thanks. I like where I am at right now, and I would not want to relive my awkward years. Er, at least, my more awkward, younger years. Cuz I’m totally still awkward. Just less awkward. I hope?

4. Which language would you like to speak instantly?

HMM. ALL OF THEM. It’s really hard to choose!

Language fascinates me, and in another life I feel like I would have devoted a lot more time to learning more of them. Unfortunately, I really hated German class in high school because of the teacher’s tendency to put people on the spot -- I think that is sort of inherent in a language class, but I get anxiety speaking in public.

Anyways, I suppose I’ll answer Turkish to this question, since spouse and I keep saying we’re going to try to learn Turkish via Duolingo. For the record, my HS offered six languages, which was the most I’ve ever heard of an American school offering, and I was always quite happy with my choice of German. (The others were Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and Latin.) I do wish I had maintained my German better, and I that I had more time to learn Spanish.

5. Where would you like to be right now?

Honestly? I’m pretty happy when I’m at home. But if I had to answer where “else” would I like to be right now, out of the whole world? Being back on safari in Botswana is a top contender, as are a variety of places in Turkey, and also Munich.

6. What name would you give yourself?

I’ve always liked my actual name (Elizabeth). I know I go by Liz; one of my HS friends was quite stubborn and I’m a bit stuck with it now, but I don’t mind it. There are worse nicknames that come from Elizabeth. I used to go by Fiona online; I’ve always been fond of that one.

7. What is something you’re currently learning?

OOF, what a good question. I sorta blanked on this at first, and my first thought was uhhhh learning how to cope with my OCD??? I’m doing exposure therapy right now, ish. Emphasis on the ish. Also mindfulness. Does that really even count? I started a beginner’s knitting project several months ago that I never finished, does that count? (I just need to seam it, that’s what I’m putting off. I have knit plenty of scarves; however, this is my first hat.) I’m sort of teaching myself ukulele although I haven’t really learned any new chords or songs in awhile. I would very much like to take more photography classes with a focus on wildlife photography. That involves buying a new camera and... signing up for classes.

Question Set 2

1. What is a detail in a piece of art/a text that you like that you really admire?

This was very difficult, at first because it was like looking at a bin full of loose things and just seeing an assortment of color and being overwhelmed by it all, and then because once I did start digging around, I kept finding different ideas and it was too hard too choose.

Character-building: In the A Song of Ice and Fire series, when Arya starts working for the House of Black and White, Martin stops using the name “Arya” as she dons different identities. For example, he uses “Cat” for a bit, among other names. It shows she’s trying to be someone else, but the caveat is that there are still little mannerisms and such that show she hasn’t really left Arya behind (I think maybe she bites her lip or something? I don’t remember specific examples because it’s been over 5 years since I read these books, but I do remember really appreciating the general technique at the time).

Music: In The Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” I love those repeated arpeggios, over and over, building, intensifying, as the white noise comes in and you can just feel the heaviness of desire, of want... (and then I love how it just breaks so suddenly! And I know it wouldn’t have been intended this way because that’s the end of side one, but since I listen to the whole album on spotify, then those bright chords of “Here Comes the Sun” come in and god Abbey Road is the best Beatles album)

Writing: the poetry of Florence + The Machine’s “All This and Heaven Too,” obviously, since literally the title of my blog comes from that. I’d quote that whole song honestly. There’s something that speaks to me about the incapability of language to fully encompass just... everything. I mean, love in specific here, but also just everything. Words are just these little boats we put meaning on and we hope they make it to the other side but everyone takes ‘em a little differently.

Like, look at this:

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how

And this:

Words were never so useful So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Anyways, there’s also something just incredibly soothing about the music, too, and how she sings the song. There’s another line, from Sara Bareilles’ “Miss Simone” that goes “How does she know what a heart sounds like?” which pretty much sums up how I feel about “All This and Heaven Too” (and also many of Sara Bareilles’ song, especially that particular album, but I digress).

Anyways I did have some art examples, but I think I’ve rambled long enough.

2. Is there an idea that you really liked but had to discard because you couldn’t get it to work?

If I really like an idea, I don’t really “discard” it so much as put it on the shelf to attempt later. Out of recent fic ideas, I’ve really struggled with “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days.” I first thought of this in late spring 2017, and for awhile I couldn’t stop thinking about it, but I was working on Whatever I Do at the time, and wanted to wait before starting another WIP. By the time I got to writing this, the inspiration well had sort of dried up.

I really like the idea of a fun cat-and-mouse rom-com idea where Jyn and Cassian keep outsmarting each other, with a whole lot of competency kink, some “oh shit we actually work well together!” and maybe some battle couple. And I was really looking forward to both the moment when they both finally let their guards down around each other and the big confrontation when they actually find out each other’s identities. But it involved more mission writing than I was prepared for, and I really struggled with it. I think I need to start over but that involves a lot of working, so it’s unfortunately shelved for now, and I’m working on a “You’ve Got Mail” concept instead.

3. Is there something fandom-related you would like to be able to do (i.e. I’d like to be able to make gif sets but can’t)?

Oh, yes, absolutely! Really anything that’s not writing related, lol. Gif sets, art, etc. But most of all, I have a music video idea for the song “So Close” from Enchanted--like I have a whole story board plotted out in a google doc. But I don’t have any video editing software, don’t even know how you get the scenes for a music video, etc. I have made videos before, but not since high school, and I don’t even have the cheap, basic video editing program I used back then. Sometimes I think I should just attempt make a gif set instead, but there are so many lyrics! and scenes that go with the lyrics! that I don’t know how to consolidate it into that format anyways.

4. What is a skill you’ve acquired through fandom work?

Hmm, this was tough. I’m going to say HTML. I’m not up-to-date on webdesign at all, but back in my early fandom days, I ran a few fansites. I still sometimes use HTML while leaving comments or to edit posts on dreamwidth or w/e. It’s super basic, but it has helped me at work at a variety of jobs. I take it for granted that people my age should know basic HTML, but a lot of them don’t, and then a lot of people I work with now are older and definitely not tech savvy.

5. Do you think anyone can learn to create great art, or does it take talent?

Well, I’m going to cheat a little. I do think think that anyone can learn to create great art, but I also think that everyone has a talent at something, and part of learning to create great art is recognizing your skill sets and honing those. If that makes sense? I’ve sort of seen both sides to this. I’ve seen naturally talented people create great things, but I also think that they’re probably cheating themselves if they’re not learning and honing their craft and trying to get better. But I’ve also seen people who started out making things that maybe you wouldn’t call great, but they worked hard over and over again, and looking at their work now, you’d say they were talented without ever knowing the difference. Great art = talent + learning + passion. Did that even answer the question? ...moving on

6. Do you prefer AUs or in-universe? Why?

I prefer to write in-universe, for sure. I find modern AUs more challenging, mostly because--and I feel kinda bad saying this--it’s very difficult for me to tap into Jyn and Cassian’s characters without some kind of tragic background. Their experiences and how they coped with them shape their personalities, and it’s really hard to separate them from those. My WWII was easier because, hey, it’s war, not so different from in-verse. But I initially tried to write Learning Curve in a modern AU and I was just totally bored. Putting it in universe made it more interesting to me, especially having to finagle a happier plot inverse. IDK, it might even be that I generally struggle to make up any conflict in modern AUs that feels interesting.

THAT SAID, lol, I definitely read either. So it’s probably strange for me to be hung up on it because I’ve read nice fluffy modern AUs and found them perfectly engaging.

Tagging: @theputterer, @magalis, @allatariel, @mythologicalmango, @threadsketchier MY USUAL DISCLAIMER APPLIES: no pressure if you just don’t wanna, AND if anyone sees this and was like “aw hey i wish she’d tagged ME” well guess what, I wish I did too! so go ahead and do it and let me know and then i’ll know to tag you next time, too :-)

Questions:

When you suffer a setback or a series of setbacks when creating (writing, drawing, knitting, any kind of crafty project thing you work on... even work), what are some strategies you use to cope with that stress and move forward?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to create/make and what did you learn from it?

What part of a bicycle would you be?

What’s a helpful writing (art/crafting/work) technique you’ve learned?

What’s a piece of art that made you see things differently?

You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What color would you be and why?

What was the last board game you played and what did you like or not like about it?

*sorry these came out rather writer heavy!

#about me #tag meme

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kukuandkookie · 6 years

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All characters of my Star vs the Forces of Evil next gen so far! This is the post that contains all their bios and trivia.

Now onto introductions!

From (your) left to (your) right, we have:

Katrina: one of the many children of Buff Frog (aka Yvgeny Bulgolyubov) and a very smart/talented fighter. She spends much of her day working out, and since the monsters have found more peace on Mewni, she's joined the Butterfly royal guard in a sort of integration program.

Meteora: formerly the villain Miss Heinous, Meteora received a second chance at life when she was reborn. She was raised by her mom Eclipsa and dad Globgor, and while they ruled Mewni after the issues of the true Butterfly bloodline and monster vs Mewman were settled, Meteora eventually decided to give the throne back to Star Butterfly. She now acts as an adviser and tutor to Star's children, and may or may not have a crush on Marco Jr.

Marco Jr: the next son of Angie and Rafael Diaz, Marco Jr (aka MJ) has grown up surrounded by magic and mayhem. He's gotten used to it though, and even joins his older brother Marco on his trips back to Mewni. He is a very chill and relaxed person, much more than his brother, and enjoys going where the winds take him. He has a strong talent in music, and may or may not have a crush on Meteora.

Harleen: the eldest daughter of Foolduke and Ruberiot, she's grown up with her mother's sense of humour and her father's performance skills. She loves clowning around and often does comedic clown routines, and while a little destructive with an affinity for chaos, she has a good heart.

Aloe: a little shy and kind of awkward, Aloe is the eldest son of Slime and Princess Spiderbite. As he is half-slime monster, he oozes a lot of slime and this often causes him to be rather clumsy. He's not the most commanding of princes, but he's very sweet and can always find the good in others.

Coloratura aka Rara: musically talented, this unicorn from the Cloud Kingdom is famed for her songs and performances. She's also very kind and mature, although she has a strong desire to make her mark on society. She got to know the others during a misadventure in the Cloud Kingdom seeking her autograph, and she was happy to make friends, since her life can get rather lonely.

Muse: ethereally charming and incredibly smart, Muse is the son of Janna and Oskar. Because his mother became the talent agent and manager for his musician father, Muse has always lived a life in the limelight. Growing up like this means he knows how to be fast on his feet, and rather than pick up his father's spacey attitude, he's instead inherited Janna's keen senses of business and...well, other talents, like pickpocketing. Muse is known to be a flirt and a heartbreaker, but he's still a loyal friend.

Quince: despite being Harleen's younger brother, Quince is very much so not like his sister. He has spent a lot of his life under the tutelage of their family friend Mime Girl, and his easily frightened nature means he's chosen to pursue the path of a mime rather than a clown like Harleen, or a jester like their mother Foolduke.

Chandelure: one day, when Hekapoo was very very bored, she happened to drop a little bit of wax and eventually Chandelure was born. While his mother is not all that present in his life, Chandelure has no issues with that. He's learned the craft of making dimension-hopping scissors from Hekapoo, and works with her in safeguarding travel between dimensions. Chandelure is incredibly independent and snarky, so talking to him can often feel very one-sided. That being said, he is a good friend.

Weslie: son of Princess Ram and Heartrude Butterfly, Weslie is the prince to his mother's kingdom. He is very cheerful and clever, and while friendly, he knows when to stand his ground. In the crisis of the werewolves attempting to invade the Kingdom of the Green Pastures, he's helped in fighting them back. He has many friends in his own kingdom, but he greatly loves visiting his Butterfly family in Mewni.

Tyrian: the only child of Tom Lucitor, king of the Underworld, and his wife, Jackie Lynn Thomas, Tyrian is not at all what most people expect from a demon prince. He's quite shy and often even lonely, and has weak demon powers because he's not even half-demon (Tom himself is half-demon). Despite this, he does have a temper, and when it flares, his demonic powers really seem to come out quite strong. His hair turns from blond to red when he's uncomfortable, and when angry, his hair can burst into flames (at max rage mode, his hair becomes a blue flame).

Shiara: as a descendant of the Pony Head royal family, Shiara may be able to inherit the throne...but there is quite a lot of competition, and Shiara herself has little interest in ruling. She mainly loves going out for parties and having fun. Despite this, her sense of responsibility kicks in when it's needed, and she has a love of puzzles.

Celeste: twin sister to Crescent and the daughter of Star and Marco, Celeste is much more like her mother in personality. She's quite an unorthodox princess and doesn't really have interest in studying magic or how to be the next queen, even though as the girl, she is to inherit the Mewni throne. Celeste loves to make friends. While she was quite close to Crescent when they were younger, she is disappointed by his distant attitude now.

Crescent: twin brother to Celeste and the son of Star and Marco, Crescent is more like his father. While not as safety-focused or as willing to let loose and have fun, Crescent is quite serious and even studious. He works hard to perfect his magic and learn how to be a good royal for the benefits of Mewni, especially because he is one of the rare instances of a boy being born to the Butterfly family. This means that he can't inherit the throne according to tradition because he has a sister, and this has made him grow jealous of her, especially because she doesn't take her studies seriously. While she received the wand instead of him, it split in half when he grabbed it, making his very faded cheek marks finally visible.

Whitney: daughter of Brittney Wong, Whitney is not nearly as mean as her mother. She is kind of spoiled and often plays dumb, but she's actually quite clever. While being raised to be a picture perfect child, Whitney personally dislikes the way her mother runs things and how the rich people around them act. It is through meeting Crescent and Celeste that she eventually grows as a person and can learn to stand up to her mother.

Kyle: the only son of Kelly, Kyle does not know who his father is. Kelly spends much of her time training as a warrior, and while Kyle has studied martial arts as well, he prefers curling up with a good book much more. He desires to know everything about everything. Being quite emotionless and even snarky, Kyle can be difficult to befriend, but he often doesn't mean to hurt anyone when he seems a little too straightforward.

Vera: the second child of Slime and Princess Spiderbite, Vera is a very cheerful and happy little girl. She's very outgoing and optimistic, coming off as the opposite of her older brother Aloe, but like him, she also sees the good in everyone. She is known for her sweet nature, and she also jumps at the chance to learn more about the world. This is perhaps why she's one of the only ones who isn't deterred by Kyle's dead-serious sarcasm, because even as he grows annoyed with her peppiness, he appreciates her desire to learn.

Y'Gythgba aka Mona Lisa: a Septarian, Mona was hatched and taken in by Meteora after the younger kids, including Crescent and Celeste, have a bit of a misadventure in the Mewni swampland where many monsters still live (despite Star, Meteora, and Eclipsa's hard work at reintegrating monsters into Mewman society). There they found an abandoned Septarian egg, which they brought back. Meteora named her Y'Gythba from legends she'd heard of an alien race called the Salamandrians, but when she found the name was quite hard to pronounce for most people, she nicknamed the young Septarian "Mona Lisa", after the famous Earthen masterpiece, in the hopes that Mewmans will see her beauty. This is because even as monsters and Mewmans grow less separated, Septarians remain the one monster race that Mewmans cannot stand, because of Toffee and Seth. Now that they've both been defeated, Meteora is determined to raise Mona without the hatred that many Septarians seem to have, and for the most part, Mona is a very sweet and smart young girl—just with a few violent tendencies. Meteora has put her in training of the royal Mewni army, and Mona has proven to be very skilled in battle. She is very loyal, although she does have a temper. Only time will tell if she ends up being the answer to Mewni's Septarian problem.

Trivia:

Harleen and Quince are based a little bit on Harley Quinn, hence their names. Aren't I clever? Lol.

Yes, Rara is based on the Rara from My Little Pony. I thought it'd be fun to base Pony Head-like characters on MLP, but it was hard choosing who to base them on. I might do a few more based on the mane six and/or princesses.

Muse may look like he has an eye issue, but the extreme sparkliness is thanks to his dad. Oh, and yeah I sort of matched Janna and Oskar for fun; figured it might work.

Chandelure is based on the evolution line of the Pokémon Litwick, Lampent, and Chandelure! I wanted to give Hekapoo a kid even though it seems unlikely she'd ever have one, and basing the kid on that evolution line seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up.

Weslie is based on the character from the series Chinese cartoon Pleasant Goat and Big Big Wolf (喜羊羊与灰太狼 (Xǐ Yáng Yáng yǔ Huī Tài Láng), with a direct translation being "Pleasant Goat and Grey Big Wolf"). He's specifically based on the main character, 喜羊羊 (Xǐ Yáng Yáng), whose English names include Weslie, Happy, or Pleasant Goat.

Oh, if Weslie's legs look broken, it's because I wasn't sure if I wanted to full-on goat legs or just human legs, so I sort of tried to do both haha.

Shiara's colour scheme comes from this comic where I put in an arbitrary friend for Celeste to goof off with, but she wasn't fully shown and was pretty random.

I do NOT have a parent planned for Shiara, and she isn't Pony Head's kid (I don't really see Pony Head as a mom?). If any of you have suggestions for a parent let me know!

Whitney is 100% based on Whitney Biskit from the show Littlest Pet Shop! I'm considering what if I gave her the twin Britney Biskit but I feel like it'd be weird making Brittney Wong name a child after herself...or maybe not?? Idk, do you guys think I should give her a twin? Or would that take away from the twins Crescent and Celeste?

I gave Kelly a kid just because. x'D

Mona Lisa is 100% based on Mona Lisa from the TMNT 2012 series! I had a free space left and I sort of went, "Why not design one last one?" While scouring my mind for ideas, I thought I'd make a monster kid and ended up choosing the Septarian race for the story ideas. That's when I thought of Mona Lisa—heck, even their species names sound similar lol: Salamandrian (TMNT 2012) and Septarian (SVtFoE).

#svtfoe #stvfoe next gen #kuku88 #my art #next gen oc #svtfoe oc #starco #tomckie #star vs the forces of evil

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dentalrecordsmusic · 6 years

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DRM Unplugged: Exploring Musicians & Mental Health with Mike Bogs of Babe Patrol

In this guest blog series, Dental Records Music invites any and all alternative musicians to share their experiences with mental illness in order to shed light on the issues and hurdles they must face in order to create and perform. If you would like to read more and follow our series, check out this link. You can also check out PunkTalks.org for information on getting help and support if you are a musician who is struggling.

The following is a guest post by Mike Bogs, the guitarist for Babe Patrol. This is his story.

Most people will observe the “rockstar” lifestyle as being thrill-driven, so that any form of personal suffering is subsequently a direct consequence of living their life “on the edge.” However, in dispelling this warped delusion, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sometimes the actual truth is difficult to face, and mental health, especially, is not discussed honestly enough. Unfortunately, we exist in a reality in which we have lost many of our beloved musicians and artists to absolute measures of self-harm, such as substance abuse and suicide.

Creatives continuously suffer excess anxiety over the scrutiny from those who are verbally critical of their craft. Even more debilitating though, is the potential of self-doubt and how it takes a toll on these talented individuals’ personal worth. It is difficult to understand how something so negative can come from someone with such a positive impact on others. For a lot of people, unless you are actively engaging in creative activity as your main passion on a daily basis, it’s confusing to figure out how these self-endangering behaviors can fester within an individual.

In working creatively there is a struggle of intense ambivalent emotions that occur. An artist can not create things that do not come from an emotional place without also feeling vulnerable. When you are emotionally invested in your work, it can leave you defenseless to a variety of mental strife that is created both from outside influences and internal doubt. During a thriving creative process, you enter a flow state, and enter into a manic-like state. Ideas can come from anything, creation can start with nothing at all, and this phenomenon can be extremely euphoric. This sets up a scenario, where the extremely low feelings will become an inevitability. As a musician and guitarist, I identify with this in enduring my own struggles with bouts of depression resulting from the intensity of these emotions.

Fortunately, my musical abilities have been invaluable to me in building confidence and have created a platform for me to form incredible relationships with other musicians and admirers alike. However, as is the nature with any passion driven project, these skills can also develop into a curse of sorts if you do not keep your mental health in check. For me personally, after my more immature years the fantasy of becoming a glorified rockstar seemingly became a delusion. At a certain point, a realization begins about the amount of sacrifice and effort one has to endure just to become a self-sustaining musician in today’s world. Most all artists will deal with countless instances of playing disappointing shows, releasing records that go undetected, and most debilitating of all, spending money without any prospect for a guaranteed financial return. After years of playing in many defunct and unsuccessful bands, I had moved away entirely from performing music for a brief period of my life.

It had driven me to stop participating in bands for a period of time to become a solo “bedroom musician”. In doing so, my new musical venture and goal was to pursue my passion for music by writing songs on my own. I worked vigorously in recording music on my computer while simultaneously educating myself about audio production and mixing in the hopes of releasing my own music. However, my biggest strife eventually became weighing the value of my work, as self-fulfilling projects can start to feel insignificant. One can really start to question if there is any point whatsoever in writing and releasing anything you’ve done before making it available to the masses. I soon developed a habit of denouncing my own songwriting by destroying more material than I was creating. It had gotten to the point where I was taking entire albums length of songs that I had recorded and permanently deleted those files from my desktop. Within them, I had everything mapped out precisely where I envisioned it and spent countless hours and sleepless nights figuring out how everything should be, all for a self-defeating act of eliminating it from existence entirely. By committing myself to an action that extreme and literally proceeding to destroy what I intended as my own personal “masterpiece”, so to speak, can be a tremendous blow to endure. Inevitably, actions like this have plagued me for years with ceaseless anxiety about my own self-worth and fallen into periodical depressive states from my inability to have something “show something for myself” in the form the music.

The manners in which I’ve learned to cope with these disappointments spawned from further struggles when I had gotten back into playing in bands. Although I am a perfectionist to a certain degree, I play every show as if it was my last and thus free my mind from all outside concerns. I put great anticipation into putting on a great performance for everyone who will attend and hopefully try to give them a meaningful memory, or a brief moment of enjoyment at the very least by showing my energy when the power of music takes over. However. after every single set I play through, I suffer the post-show blues. After rehearsing for hours and then playing a show, I reach a feeling of elation on stage to the point of having quasi out of body experiences. This would be immediately concluded with self-defeating thoughts and feelings, I developed an aversion to accepting any praise from others. I used to deal with this either by drinking heavily or abandoning my mental participation to the fullest extent by dissociating myself from the event entirely. This ended up being an outright rude way to behave around people and at times became reckless and potentially self-endangering.

It took me a while to realize that there was a clinical understanding of this phenomenon called Post-Performance Depression, PPD. After becoming more aware that this affliction is shared among all performers I developed a concern for others. So I started dealing with my own issues by supporting others with theirs and learned that having meaningful conversations was my saving grace.

I proceeded to make it my mission at shows to try my best to get to know the other musicians there. Too often people put up the mantle of competition between their co-artists in a bout for the most attention, or appreciative claim. Conversely, for me, it became an opportunity to get to know the like-minded individuals who are fueled by their own suppressed passions. Coincidentally, I soon discovered from these talented individuals that they go through just about the same charades when dealing with their own personal material. Similarly to myself, they are uncertain, self-deprecating; especially to the songs that they internally hold so precious to themselves. After identifying and empathizing with others I would be comforted in knowing that I was not alone in the ways I felt. It was difficult for me to understand at times how someone else so talented can feel this way about themselves and hide their creations. So in realizing my own personal struggles I became most rewarded in working to inspire those around me and convince them that they needed to share their art with the world.

I also think it’s important to realize that there are really only a few people out there that seemingly have the power to bring you down. It could be the internet trolls, who hide behind their illuminated veils with the sole intention of devaluing an artist’s work. Although, I think it is important not to fear criticism or suppress how you truly feel about something in a critique, the magnitude of malicious intent is what separates the predatory cyberbullies from the actively participating music critics. It may also be your peers, the ones that know you well and also don’t. Every artist implants a fantasy in their mind about what the big show might be like, the gratitude you possibly could receive from others if they share their enjoyment in your performance. Or the big release date, the day you finally reveal to everyone what you have been laboring on during your free time. It’s unavoidable to over analyze how your work may be interpreted. But it's so important to mature yourself in taming these fears and persisting to continue working and sharing what you love.

Just as suppressing the severity of your mental state by not talking about what's affecting you to other people, I truly believe that concealing your musical talents and songwriting creations will have the same impact on your mental state. It’s contributed much to my own suffering but I have learned, that although coping with these fears can be unavoidable sometimes, it is important to speak honestly with people you trust and who will not judge you for how you are feeling. By concealing my music out of paranoia, I’ve done not only a disservice to myself, but more importantly and the hardest to realize, I’ve let down my supportive peers in the music community by not sharing. There is always someone out there awaiting something, new and original and they will find value you never realized that is within your own work. This prospect has become so important to me now in continuing on with my own artistic development. It has given me the determination to support those in the community that are not alone in this journey of discovering their self-worth. I truly encourage everyone to become more aware and help those that are suffering. Even the smallest actions can make all the difference in the world.

_______________________________________________________________________

Mike Bogs is the guitarist for punk band Babe Patrol. You can follow him and check out Babe Patrol’s music on Bandcamp, Spotify, and Apple Music. Be sure to follow the band on Facebook and Instagram as well to keep up on their travels.

If you or someone you know is a musician and struggling with mental illness, check out PunkTalks.org.

Follow DRM on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

#babe patrol #mike bogdanowicz #mental health #mental illness #musicians #musician #punktalks #music #feature #drm unplugged

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the-rational-mystic · 7 years

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Bored of Meditation?

I get it, focusing on nothing or on your breath for 20 minutes every day doesn’t seem that appealing. Whether you’ve tried meditation once or committed to it for a year, there will be a stage where your meditation practise becomes flat-out boring. We all know that meditation is renowned as one of the most important ways to spend your time as it has the potential to open up many profound benefits for an individual, arguably more-so than anything else you can do in your life - so of course, I want to suggest a few approaches to help you relieve your festering boredom and encourage you to continue mediating.

I used to come out of meditations feeling refreshed and awake. However, after months of meditating, it started to sap my happiness, an effect that was completely counterintuitive with what meditation was supposed to help me with. Every meditation I finished, I came out of it feeling more drained than before; it continuously failed to produce the same sense of peace I used to feel; it was an endless sensation of boredom I couldn’t overcome. Eventually this boredom created a downward spiral of doubt and negativity that couldn’t be escaped by simply focusing on the breath.

Many meditators have said that if you meditate long enough, that stage of boredom will surpass. Meditation is, after all, used to recognise that we must accept the present moment as it is. I was skeptical this ever was going to happen - I knew I had to take a different approach.

So, here are my top 4 suggested ways I found to combat meditation boredom:

1. Visualisation Meditation: Your Peaceful Place

Visualisation is a technique you can use while you meditate. Rather than focusing on the breath, you can engage in a world of pure imagination, all in your own control. This technique is much more active for the mind - it seems to boost my creativity and ease my mind so much more than a regular breath meditation. I am an artist and visualising seems to easily slip me into a familiar state of flow as if I would when I am drawing or painting. You may be aware of the flow state yourself: it is characterised as a trance-like state, where you are in complete absorption in what you are doing (often what you love to do), resulting in a loss of one's sense of space and time, also known as being entirely immersed in the present moment. This meditative state is what we seek during meditation: it allows us to return to the source of our soul, or subconscious, just as a breath meditation would do.

My favourite way to visualise is to imagine the most peaceful place you can picture in your mind’s eye and try to imagine yourself exploring it in vivid detail. Personally, I like to play rain forest sounds aloud on my phone while I meditate and envision myself there using all five of my senses; hearing the birds chirping; feeling the moss in between my toes sinking in the ground; smelling the earthy humidity in the air; making out shapes and colours of the space around me in progressive detail as I peek here and there.

Over time, my personal space has grown in complexity: I have a small clearing where I go to connect back with my source. I have created a hot spring there with a waterfall, a small hut with pillows to get comfy in, a yoga mat to do yoga, an area for arts and crafts - I even imagine my favourite foods, or imaginary fruits that don’t exist to explore my sense of taste and smell. I bring what I love to life in this sacred space created in my mind and I encourage you to explore your own space with freedom and joy during your mediation, especially if you usually struggle to keep the mind focused on mundane tasks such as breathing.

If you are finding it hard to visualise, there are many guided meditations that describe a peaceful place for you, which is a good way to hone your skills in visualisation. Once you are a skilled visualiser, I strongly advise you to try this technique without guidance and find joy in creating exactly what you want to create to be the next focus of your meditation, have fun with it and explore! You start waking up wanting to meditate and wondering what wonderful sensation you can conjure up next - you truly start to surprise yourself.

2. Other Visualisations: Spirit Guides, Past Life Regression, etc…

There are many videos you can find, particularly on YouTube, that claim to help you perform a past life regression or assist you with meeting your spirit guide for example. These videos all come under the same umbrella: they are all guided visualisation meditations and all are technically classified as hypnosis, as you are allowing someone else to guide your subconscious. Hypnosis allows for a certain degree of control, as it is your mind that is imagining, not the hypnotists’. Self-hypnosis, on the other hand, allows for full control. Arguably, hypnosis and self-hypnosis both seem to induce the mediative state that is accessible using breath meditation. Although both methods allow for this state, I feel it is more effective when you perform the visualisation on yourself once you’ve become skilled at it because the sensations or descriptions that come up in your meditation session will seem a lot more personal to your own subconscious and hence bring you a greater sense of peace and connection.

I often like to branch off into other ways of using visualisation once I’ve first arrived at my peaceful place during meditation. Other methods of visualising include past life regression which can help you learn more about the situations you faced in your past life memories and you can use for guidance by comparing it to you present life’s journey to help find the best solution. You can also do inner child work, where you visualise yourself comforting a younger version of yourself and bring up past memories to relive, in order to help shed yourself of the ego’s defence mechanisms, built up to defend subconscious emotional inner child wounds.

Meeting your spirit guide is also a very useful visualisation, as you can ask your guide to come forward for comfort or advice when you find yourself to be troubled at any point in your daily life outside of meditation. I also enjoy meeting my spirit guide regularly to just chill together while I am in my mind’s peaceful place. Some say spirit guides are the mind’s visual representation of your intuition and others may tell you they are genuinely real spirits. Either way, experiment with the concept of having a spirit guide and see intuitively what works for you best.

(Art by Janie Olsen)

Many people put off these techniques because they believe it is all just imaginary, they see hypnosis or self-hypnosis as mutually exclusive to the meditative state or believe it can’t actually help as effectively as meditation where you focus purely on the breath. In my opinion, visualisation is just imagination, but people often underestimate the power imagination has - it is literally our ability to tap into the vast imagery hidden deep in the subconscious, timidly waiting to be experienced. Hypnosis or self-hypnosis are often portrayed in a bad light as well - they are seen as something completely separate to experiencing a mediative state. Contemporarily, there is not enough research to distinguish whether they are practically the same thing or not, but I believe they all come under the same umbrella. My advice would be to take what I say about the effectiveness of these techniques with a grain of salt and try to experiment with it yourself - all I know for certain is that it has had a very profound effect on my life, just as much as breath meditation used to have on me and perhaps even more so!

3. Open-eye Meditation

There are many ways to meditate through out your day. My favourite and most flexible technique I have learnt is to focus on the space between objects as you do you daily routine and to be aware of not only the space in front of you, but also the space behind you. By shifting your awareness to inhabit that space, you are moving out into something much bigger than the limits of your ego mind. The more you move your awareness outward and into the universe, the more you spend time noticing the subtle beauty in everything you see, unlocking your potential to be fully present and at your highest spiritual potential.

In the book, “The Open-Focus Brain” the authors engaged in conducting experiments on volunteers to test what relaxation method was most effective at producing the most phase-synchronous alpha and measured this by monitoring their EEG. Alpha waves are one type of brain wave that predominantly originate from the occipital lobe during wakeful relaxation with closed eyes. Some were asked to visualise a peaceful scene, look at colours, try different fragrances, etc. But none seemed to produce more than a mild alpha-enhancing effect.

As soon as they asked, “Can you visualise the space between your eyes?” A high amplitude of alpha was produced immediately. The same significant increase in alpha brain synchrony was monitored after asking similar “space”-related questions which described “objectless imagery” like “Can you imagine the space between you ears?” and so on. One Eastern mystic wrote that it was important to “attain a state of mind in which even though you are surrounded by crowds of people, it is as if you were alone in a field extending for tens of thousands of miles.” The Japanese have even coined a philosophy called ‘Ma’, which is the ability to see the space between objects as well as the objects themselves. Surprisingly, it’s one of the least known techniques, yet appears to be one of the most beneficial - more research is needed!

Shifting your awareness to the space between objects is one open-eye technique and very efficient for helping you with mindfulness. You can also eat mindfully, by first appreciating where the food came from, how it has been developed over time and what others had to go through to bring it to your plate, etc, before you start eating. Appreciate the smell, the detail on the food and the colour which will help immerse yourself in the present moment. Take smaller, slower bites where you actually take the time to appreciate the texture in your mouth and the taste. Practise mindfulness like this with all the sensations of all your five senses throughout your day, not just at meal time, and you will find your sensory world will strikingly come to life. If you have a constant awareness of your own thoughts and feelings developed through being present and mindful, you can easily decipher and notice which thinking patterns serve you and which ones need replacing.

4. Yoga

Yoga, Tai Chi or any exercise that operates through sequences of bodily movements that are interwoven in coordination with the patterns of the breath are forms of meditation. Yoga is mostly seen as a physical exercise across the Western world but in Indian traditions it is considered much more than physical exercise; it has a meditative and spiritual core. It can also make your meditation practise much easier if you do it directly after a physical practise, as it imposes your awareness to shift into the sensations felt in your muscles and breath rather than the ego mind, creating a much more comfortable starting point to meditate.

Incorporating all four or even a few of these different types of meditation into your day-to-day routine may be enough to completely replace breath meditation if you loathe it that badly. Personally, when I started using all four techniques, it made breath meditation a more approachable and a lot less of a boring practise for me and I began to find it as peaceful as I did back then once more!

Confused or have desperate questions about this blog post? Feel free to send a message and I will be happy to give advice or clarification as soon as possible.

#spirituality #meditation #yoga #spiritualgrowth #spiritualawakening #innerchild #innerpeace #spirit guide #visualization #healing #spiritualhealing

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malibugifts · 4 years

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What is a Sommelier? You’re not the only one asking

There are many people out there who don’t give a second thought about what they put into their bodies, perhaps because they aren’t passionate about food or maybe they are just in survival mode. And then there’s that percentage of the population that have refined taste, and enlist the help of people like seaux chefs and sommeliers to create a palette of food, and the dining experience they are seeking. But, a good sommelier, who is familiar with everything a sommelier should know, will be the one to take the meal from ordinary to extraordinary. So, what does a sommelier do anyway? A sommelier is a person who is trained to understand everything there is to know about wine and how it pairs with certain foods. There are other kinds of sommeliers, such as beer sommeliers, coffee sommeliers, and milk sommeliers, but in this article we will be telling you all about wine sommeliers. Wine sommeliers are obviously connected to an upper-echelon part of society, and only people who dine at high-end restaurants have the luxury of getting insights from the most sought-after sommeliers. High-end restaurants usually employ sommeliers in order for their customers to have the dining best experience possible to keep their customers coming back to their restaurants. Although certainly anyone can make the claim that they are indeed a sommelier, the claim is usually backed up by schooling and/or a credential of some kind, which will be discussed further in the article. How to Pronounce Sommelier and Other History Sommeliers, also known as wine stewards or waiters, can be a difficult to roll off the tongue if you try and catch every consonant. While the role is quite chic, the pronunciation is less than fancy. Sommelier, is pronounced suh-muhl-yei. You can listen to a soundbite of the pronunciation of sommelier from the Cambridge English Dictionary here. Apply the K.I.S.S. method and remember – sommelier rhymes with everyday; like the amount of times per week you should enjoy a glass of red wine. Sommelier is a French word, and the role also entails the services of creating wine lists and training restaurant staff on their knowledge in order for everyone to be well informed and confident when it comes to suggestions regarding food pairing. Although everyone may have their different tastes, there is a universal agreement as to which foods, wines, beers, spirits, soft drinks, etc., work best and in harmony with their solid counterparts; hence the value and benefit of having an expert like a sommelier nearby. Without a sommelier, a person will order food and their beverages according to their preferred tastes of both individually; unknowingly depriving themselves of an optimal dining experience. Still not convinced on the value or wondering when you should hire a sommelier? Here’s how to become a certified sommelier: The Court of Master Sommeliers This organization started in 1977. It is an independent examining body that gives one the choice of getting a ‘Master Sommelier Diploma’, the ‘Advanced Sommelier Certificate’, the ‘Certified Sommelier Certificate’, and the ‘Introductory Sommelier Certificate’. By gaining one of these certificates, one is qualified to officially be declared an actual sommelier. International Sommelier Guild This guild gives an education and certifies aspiring sommeliers in Canada, China and the United States. The guild was created in 1982 and it offers Level 1 Wine Fundamentals, Level 2 Wine Fundamentals, and a Sommelier Diploma. These are great credentials if you are thinking about pursuing a career as a sommelier. International Wine and Spirits Guild For those who live in the United States, the International Wine Guild was created in 1998 and monitored by the Colorado Department of Higher Education. This is accessible and easy to join. As long as you keep up with your coursework and studies, you will end up being a sommelier in no time. North American Sommelier Association The great thing about this organization was that it was created recently- in 2006- and is the official representative in the United States and Canada of the Worldwide Sommelier Association (WSA). The sommelier course is split up into three phases but is offered as one entire course and is made up of time spent in class, lectures, educational visits to wineries, and educational dinners. It is unique from the other groups mentioned because it has two levels of sommelier qualifications: Silver-Pin and Gold-Pin. National Wine School Another modern school for would-be sommeliers is the National Wine School, which was started in 2009 in Los Angeles, California. The great thing about the school is that it gives ANSI-compliant professional certification for the wine trade in the U.S. In addition, they also give five levels of wine certification. They have their own way of doing things, so to learn more about their process, be sure to google their website. Union de la Sommellerie Francaise This is an older French organization that is well-recognized in the sommelier world. The goals of going through this schooling is to gain the title of Mention Complémentaire Sommellerie (MCS) and Brevet Professionnel de Sommelier. These titles can be achieved by studying for many several sponsored providers. The final qualification of the Maître Sommelier can be achieved after an accurate career assessment, which actually requires at least 10 years of professional experience. So it is a very rigorous education, but it is definitely worth it and will make you a very worthwhile sommelier. Associazione Italiana Sommelier This association is known as AIS in Italy. It was started on July 7, 1965, and is acknowledged as one of the oldest sommelier associations of the world. It’s also the biggest sommelier association ever, as it features over 33,000 members only in Italy. As you can see, if you have any interest of being a sommelier, you now understand that there is a lot of training one must do. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just a matter of having intuition about what foods go good with which wines and vice versa. There is an actual learned science to the art of being a sommelier, and learning the impressive skill will make anyone an absolute asset to whichever restaurant, or even wealthy individual, they are working for; and of course the expertly crafted wine list they will compile. Since new recipes and different drinks are developed constantly, the market for connoisseurs is always evolving, always stimulating, and always interesting. An expert like a sommelier possesses a unique skill that, while is different in scope, is otherwise much like the captain of the ship needing a specific skill to move the vessel he or she will serve wine on. Now, perhaps you yourself are not interested in becoming a sommelier, per se, but you’ve always wondered about the qualifications of a sommelier and had some interest in understanding the research and training that goes into the position. We hope we’ve left you more informed than you were and have conveyed the art and science of being a sommelier. Helping to express that it is an art-form worth appreciating! In fact, people spend years and decades of their lives perfecting their professional sommelier careers, because they have a passion for wine, new foods, and recipes that are always being thrown into the equation. And, they understand that there is an audience that’s eager to learn more about creating memorably dining experiences around sommelier suggested wine and food pairings. Ready to pair that bottle of wine with the perfect chocolate truffles and gourmet foods? Head on over to our Gift Shop and explore our expertly curated gift boxes.

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mystic-messenger-writing · 7 years

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RFA plus V and Searan with an MC that likes to cosplay and go to cons?

I can relate to this request so much so it was a lot of fun to write! I sort of also added in making the RFA and friends cosplay as well because I’ve put a lot of thought into who they would cosplay as lol! So I hope that you enjoy and thank you for the request!! ^^

Yoosung

Yoosung is so excited when he finds out that you love going to cons and cosplay

This boy is an avid con goer so he’s super excited to take you to a con with him, mostly to show off to everyone that he has an amazing girlfriend

He diligently works on cosplay with you and the two of you end up making some awesome cosplays, Yoosung ended up going as the vocaloid Kagamine Len as per your request

Yoosung will most definitely hold your hand the entire time your at a con, he doesn’t want any creepers bothering you

This boy is such an impulse buyer when it comes to the merchandise hall, you usually have to drag him away from each vender

He enters you in a cosplay competition and cheers so loudly for you when it’s your turn to show off your outfit

And he almost cried from excitement whenever you win the contest, yelling “That’s my girlfriend!” Over and over again

You and Yoosung are one of the most nerdy couples around, something the two of you take pride in

Zen

Zen has some knowledge on cons and cosplay, although the can definitely benefit with some lessons from you

He adores the entire idea of cosplaying, this boy is completely down for helping you work on your outfit

Seeing Zen so passionate about helping you with your cosplay inspires you to make an outfit for him of a character that would fit him perfectly

You give yourself a pat on the back when you see Zen as Ayame from Fruits Basket and when he asked how he should act to be like his character, you tell him to just be himself

When you take Zen to a con, he’s happy that none of his fans recognize him because of your mad cosplay skills

He likes looking at all of the merchandise even though he has no idea what any of it means, although he does end up buying a few figurines for fun

Every time the two of you pass a group of cosplayers getting their photo taken, he’ll whisper “Your cosplay looks so much better than everyone else’s.”

After his first con, Zen becomes a huge fan of cosplay and is always willing to lend you a hand whenever you start your next creation

Jaehee

Jaehee is utterly clueless the first time you tell her about cons and cosplay

Anytime she’s seen people dress up as characters they had always freaked her out but she’s willing to give it a chance for you

She’s thoroughly impressed by how much time, effort, and energy you put into your cosplay, it’s something she truly admires

You convince her to cosplay as a character that you believe personifies her almost perfectly, Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club

Jaehee internally groans at having to wear a suit even though she’s cosplaying but she admits, the lavender jacket is cute

When you take her to a con, she’s amazed at the amount of people that take part

She unknowingly buys a button of a yaoi couple, you decide to explain that concept to her another day when she’s prepared for it

When someone asks to get a photo of her, Jaehee blushes but feels super proud and boasts that you were the one who made the cosplay

Jaehee is still somewhat apprehensive about cons and cosplays but if you’re having fun doing it then she’s happy to learn more

Jumin

Jumin gives you a funny look whenever you tell him that you love going to cons and cosplay

This boy doesn’t have the slightest hint as to what you’re talking about so he just sort of goes along with it

He questions why you hand-make your outfits when he can hire a seamstress to do it for you

But he soon sees why you create your own outfits, the determination in your eyes says it all to Jumin

You look at Jumin and get the idea to make him cosplay as a character that could pass for his twin

Jumin stares at his reflection in a mirror as you dressed him up as Ichinose Tokiya from Uta no Prince sama, he wonders why the costume is so flashy

He’s very confused when you take him to a con, Jumin gets lost six different times throughout the day

Any merchandise you desire is yours thanks to Jumin, it becomes a glorious day for you

He enjoys going to panels and asking all sorts of questions even though the answers confuse him even more

Jumin is still a definite newbie when it comes to cons and cosplay but his willingness to try it is something that you’ll always appreciate

Seven

Seven is well aware of cons and cosplay, he’s always wanted to attended one and make his own outfit but never had the time or encouragement

Until you came in and he found that the two of you shared a passion for geeking out

He’s completely down for helping you cosplay and is skilled at making any kind of prop for you

Whether you want a large, realistic sword or tiny, detailed necklace Seven will make it for you and it will look like perfection

Seven is super excited whenever you tell him that you made a cosplay for him, although it’s not as flashy as he expected

You explain that his personality fits Karma from Assassination Classroom as you removed Seven’s glasses since both can be smug one minute and caring the next

Going to a con with Seven can be tricky, don’t let this boy stray too far or else you’ll easily lose him

The two of you hold each other’s place in the longer lines for panels and no matter what panel he goes to, he feels the need to make loud and obnoxious comments

Seven ends up being the perfect con buddy for you, the two of you attend many more cons and create tons of new cosplays

V is very confused by the entire concept of cons and cosplay

But since it’s something you’re passionate about, he’s ready to learn

You first teach him about cosplay and this boy’s respect for you increases dramatically, he can’t believe how much work you put into making a costume

So V will always offer a hand to help, although it can be tough due to his poor eyesight

He’s so excited when you tell him that you made a cosplay for him, anything made by you he’ll instantly love

V admires himself in he mirror, you made him a Viktor from Yuri on Ice cosplay, V’s thankful that it’s just his warm-up outfit and not a super flashy costume

When you take him to a con, he doesn’t let go of your hand because he’s afraid of getting lost

He’ll spend almost all of his time in the artist alley, he loves admiring and complimenting other’s art

Expect a boat load of photos taken by V, most of them are of you because he’s just so impressed by your cosplay

V still doesn’t completely understand cons and cosplay but he knows that you enjoy them so he’s always ready to go to more cons with you

Unknown

Saeran’s never even heard of cons and cosplay until you told him how much you love them

He silently watches you as you create your cosplay, secretly super impressed by your crafting skills

He’ll give you blunt but kind compliments on your cosplays and even some advice that that’s helpful

You can tell that Saeran wants to cosplay as well but is too stubborn to say anything, so you come up with the perfect character for him

Saeran blushes when he sees himself cosplaying as Subaru from Diabolik Lovers, he’s honestly in love with how you made the outfit

When you take him to a con, he gets antsy and nervous so you link your arm around his to reassure him

He gives anyone who eyes you up in your cosplay the death stare, no way anyone is going to make you feel uncomfortable on Saeran’s watch

The two of you end up buying a Subaru body pillow and you both sleep with it every night

By the end of the day, Saeran’s feet are killing him but he actually ended up having a fun time at the con, he casually asks when the next one is and prepares to help you with new cosplays

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger imagines #mystic messenger Yoosung #mystic messenger Zen #mystic messenger Jaehee #mystic messenger Jumin #mystic messenger Seven #mystic messenger V #mystic messenger Unknown

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abbyclareposts · 4 years

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How can Making Wooden Flowers Be Used as a Therapeutic Outlet

A lot of people have been taking up making wooden flowers as a relaxing activity in order to better pass the time during this period of lockdown and isolation. Luckily the materials and tools needed to do so are very affordable and can be found almost in any hobby shop. Some even took it a step further, by looking up sola wood flowers wholesale shops and starting to make their own floral arrangements.

How Can Making Wooden Flowers Be Therapeutic?

People around the world have been discovering more and more ways of passing the time during this pandemic. Some are reading the books that have been piling up on their nightstand while others are catching up on their favorite series. There are also those who have a more artistic inclination and have been attracted towards the arts and crafts part of the spectrum. Those people have been reconnecting with long lost skills or have been discovering and developing new ones all together. Arts and crafts have long been a way of dealing with anxiety related issues and with various other conditions through what is known as occupational therapy.

One of the many possibilities arts and crafts offers people is making wooden flowers . It might sound curious to someone not familiar to the phenomenon, but the making of these types of flowers can be considered a way of dealing with anxiety issues generated by the isolation period and lockdown. Also, making flowers out of wood isn’t as hard as one might think. To the untrained eye, these flowers look like they have been sculpted by masters of the trade, and some might be right. But when doing anything for the first time, the result isn’t as important as giving it your best. You might not get it right on the first try, or even on the hundredth one. The idea is to keep going until you create something that you can be proud of.

Making wooden flowers usually starts with people going down to their local hobby shop after watching a documentary about Indian culture and the people that invented the craft itself. They are called Malakars and they started doing these flowers in order to incorporate them into traditional Bengali wedding headpieces. After the colonial period, the craft spread like wildfire around the world and more and more people took up the crafts as a hobby. Some even managed to create a business around it, but most just do it for the pleasure of having something to do in their spare time.

The materials and tools needed to start creating wooden flowers aren’t really that expensive and can be found in the shape of starter kits all over the internet and in most arts and crafts stores. All you have to do is do a quick search on Google, find the starter kit you like the most, order it and let your imagination run wild. There is practically no limit to the shapes you can create and to the time you can pass doing this. This is one way of getting your mind off of this isolation problem and keeping you engaged and entertained for days.

How can You Find the Right Sola Wood Flowers Wholesale Shop?

But what if you want to go a step further than just creating random flowers out of wood and start making different floral arrangements? You can certainly do that by starting to create bouquets and garlands for various upcoming events or even just to put around the house. The versatility of these arrangements and of the flowers they are made out of is widely recognized and appreciated around the world. And the beauty of the matter is that you don’t have to make all the flowers that go into one of these arrangements all by yourself. You can certainly do some of them, or even most of them, but if you can’t find the time or the artistic inclination your best bet is finding a sola wood flowers wholesale shop.

A sola wood flowers wholesale shop usually has everything you are looking for when you want to start doing your own wooden flowers arrangement. But finding the right shop might be tricky, at least at first. First of all, most people rely on the internet for finding almost anything they need. And they right to do so mostly. It’s the same with this kind of shop. You can do a quick Google search and click on the first result you find. But that doesn’t mean that it is the best. When looking for the right sola wood flowers wholesale shop for you try and look out for a few things:

1. Firstly see if there is a sola wood flowers wholesale shop near you. You might be surprised to find that sola wood flowers are more popular that you first thought. If you have one of these shops near you, you can just pop in at your convenience and give them a look over. If you are still unsatisfied with what they have, you can move on to the next one.

2. Make sure that when ordering from an online sola wood flowers wholesale shop, shipping doesn’t cost you more than the actual items. Some shops might charge more for shipping, depending on where you live and where they are shipping their products from. Also, some shops have a policy of offering free shipping, although that might depend on the quantity you order.

3. Check to see if they have the stock for your needs. Some shops might not show their stocks upfront. All you have to do is send them an email asking them if a certain item or items are in stock, before placing your order.

4. After receiving your first order, you can decide if the quality of the items received is justified by the price. If that is the case then you have found the right shop for you. If not, do not despair. There are plenty more shops to choose from.

#wooden flowers sola wood flowers wholesale

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theliqht · 5 years

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15 Up-and-Coming fireinsidemusic.com Bloggers You Need to Watch

How are they executing this?

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Pleased MOOCing!

"Millennials," "Technology Y," "The Peter Pan Era" - they go by lots of names and ended up born approximately among 1980 and 2000.These are the technology that grew up with smartphones, rear-facing cameras, internet etc. They were being at a young and susceptible age when Harry Potter first took his flying lessons on his magical broom, if they witnessed the great drop of the dual Towers of Planet Trade Centre in New York City on 9/11. The millennials grew up in the period of mobile devices, digital cameras, e-mail, textual content-messaging, mp3 gamers, handheld video clip activity equipment, WhatsApp, Facebook/Instagram, YouTube Videos, Website searching and what not.

youtube

One these kinds of millennial who knocked my socks off was this young girl named Anushka, a teen in her early twenties. Her white t-shirt with "MILLENNIAL" in large, black, Daring letters just caught our rapid attention and we couldn't stop pondering her One of a kind Expertise Presentation, right here at Nirmiti Academy. The DIY (Do It Yourself) Craft was her exclusive talent. She represented a young confront of your millennials. Furthermore, it absolutely was her presentation that spoke a lot more of her as being a millennial. She was a real go-getter when it arrived to existing her exceptional talent in a singular way. We could see her beaming with pleasure and happiness to showcase her one of a kind expertise to Other individuals. She was so enthusiastic that she was talking a mile a moment. She experienced a great deal of to convey about it and he or she could go on and on and continue to keep us glued to her presentation. The millennials like Anushka and a lot of Many others are determined to operate on issues which fascination them. Simultaneously, I could also see her currently being not able to smile and current herself Fortunately. Gone are classified as the moments for the millennials the place they really feel present and enjoy their surroundings. They are the technology who come to feel the consistent have to have for Digital consideration which sales opportunities them to overshare their life and times on social media marketing or go inward in deep conscience to find themselves. This leaves them unconnected With all the physical earth about them.

Millennials certainly are a very praised and self-confident technology. They may be a very optimistic generation. They may have a greater have to have to have daily life ordeals as an alternative to to build up materials wealth, Regardless that they do like to accumulate things that may help them to get pleasure from those ordeals. Millennials are quite possibly the most educated technology. Since the rate tag of training is now so significant and continuing to climb annually, Millennials have grown to be incredibly savvy with regards to their academic alternatives. Not like earlier generations who saw education and learning to be a ritual and an expenditure within their long term, millennials watch education as an expenditure, Until it'll empower them in order to be a greater person. They be expecting education and learning to help you them get ready for the new chances and issues of this age, in lieu of encouraging them by supplying reality-based mostly facts/awareness. The millennials wish to be challenged by pondering the future And just how they are able to lead to developing a better Culture and natural environment. They don't experience the need to become "textbook sensible / e-book worms".

They are aware that facts may be conveniently found on line by their very own unbiased motion. They can be the generation that offers and thrive on knowledge at finger "click". Inside a globe of open usage of information, it helps make little perception to rely on the classroom for a forum for the transfer of knowledge.

Alternatively, the students much prefer to understand through the stories and encounters of Many others. These shared tales and ordeals help them to reinforce their unique expertise by Mastering through the achievement and errors of Some others. This helps them prevent making a similar problems as their influencers. Hence, they like to invest extra of their time and expense on this kind of courses which support them to develop numerous tactics that they might include into their thoughts and final decision-earning course of action, therefore creating a new skill established.

We can not dismiss The reality that millennials are also a era of uncertainties and fluctuations. They may be the technology who likes to help keep switching their gizmos. They grew up with technological know-how where everything was at their fingertips. It gets annoying for them to not get what they want when they want it. Most of the factors are actually handed to them over a silver spoon. This would make them come to feel entitled for getting what they want devoid of putting in Considerably exertion.

Even though They may be the most important workforce of the businesses currently, they don't have confidence in lifelong employment. Lifelong commitment is really a fairy tale with the millennials. They usually jump from on occupation to another simply because they are constantly searching for a thing new and greater. These significant anticipations turn out to be their downfall and would make them much less monetarily steady than their mom and dad.

Millennials are below to remain! These are young, bright and energetic and they're the long run. They are fantastic property which the planet will have to harness and use. They are really the era that is definitely revolutionizing the earth. These are the budding leaders of tomorrow. They undertake technological innovation and stimulus in precisely the same breadth. This era is additionally a collaborative and social era that features a target knowing and building their awareness by various varieties of medium to find the solutions. It is actually for that educator like us to offer an arena for engagement and discovery in addition to become a articles expert and mentor. It's for Mastering System providers like Nirmiti Academy to provide an explorative and experiential expertise and convey out their true potential in everyday life and at operate. It Is that this transformational journey that we at Nirmiti Academy sit up for on a daily basis to learn, unlearn and relearn Using these youthful and magical generation - the Millennials!

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fredenglish · 5 years

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Michelle Whittaker

Hello there again, #FeatureFriday fans! Today, we’re offering a special treat: an interview with SUNY Fredonia alum Michelle Whittaker, whose debut poetry collection Surge is just one topic of discussion alongside her experience as a musician, how Jamaican patois informed her writing, and why so many poets are sprinters.

1. You recently put out Surge, your first published collection of poetry. What are some steps of the publishing process that you think might surprise students who haven’t had to deal with that yet?

Well, a little part of the book came out of my thesis. Although some of my professors thought that “this is ready to be sent out,” I didn’t agree. So, I think one surprising part was that I actually stepped away from it for a few years and really took time to think about the arc, so the arc changed a number of times. I went to a few conferences and workshops just to look at particular poems. So, I really took my time. Even when my current publisher came to me and asked if they could, you know, look at my manuscript, they were hoping that it would even be a little longer than it was. And so I did try to address that, but I really recommend taking your time to build the collection that you want.

Other than that, I had a really good and positive process with my editor, we had pretty good communication. It’s more the business part of it, sort of the marketing, I guess. Not on their end, but just: how do you set up readings and stuff like that. They’ll do some, but there’s just a lot of learning curves once the book comes out. Like, how to get it to an audience, to readers, and that was kind of a new process. So, I recommend maybe having a good plan, time-wise.

2. What do you think drew you to poetry as a medium?

Well, I have sort of an off-the-record joke about that. My dad was a marathon runner, and so he was encouraging me to run cross-country, and it was kind of terrible. I used to fall every few seconds. But it turns out that I could sprint! So I quit [cross-country] and was pretty fast. And so, when I’m in kind of funny circles with other writers and running comes up — like, talking about sports and childhood — I’ve found that a lot of fiction writers like cross-country and a lot of poets like sprinting. More short-form. Don’t hold me to this! [Laughs] Obviously you can have epic poems, and book-length poems, but I like something about the short form. I haven’t quite figured that part out.

I started out of music — playing a lot of classical music pieces — and even if a piece of music was twenty pages, it didn’t feel like it. When you’re in the process of interpreting, I guess. There’s a different type of access [to music and poetry]. I feel like, with a novel, I wouldn’t want to be interrupted too often? I’d rather sit and read it like I’m watching a film. Poetry is like snapshots, almost like visual rhetoric in a way. I like that I get to live in this world, and then move to another world; I like something about that.

3. Speaking of music, you were (and presumably, still are) a classical pianist. How do you think your background in music affects your poetry, and do you see any significant connections between your poetry and your music?

I’ll say: I’m in the process of thinking about that right now, but there’s music as an interpreter. As a pianist, I’d likely be interpreting others’ text. And then there’s being a composer, where you’re generating and you’re in dialogue with those who’ve come before you. Sure, you can generate your own without having to learn about Chopin, but in my journey, I felt that I always had a lot of teachers introducing me to new material. And so, maybe the short answer is that poetry is also constantly in that dialogue. Words are constantly being redefined, in the same way, that no ten people playing a Chopin nocturne are going to play it the same. I feel like they have that, at least, in common. But I’m in the process of trying to figure [it] out.

I found writing music much harder. Just gonna be real about it. [Laughs] I had great teachers, and I definitely was emotionally attached to a lot of different classical music. Many types of composers, what they wrote, I was very emotionally invested. And I was actually, even attracted to composers who stood for something? For, what you’d say in today’s terms as “social justice,” statements about what was going on in their particular time that relates to the human condition. I think I set out to do that, but I just never felt like I was creating a piece that said what I wanted it to. So, it might have been that I just turned to words. Because it was a sort of easier access, in some ways. I definitely think that being a musician for all those years helped that skillset, though. And I had great teachers, here at Fredonia, they were very, very supportive.

4. How do you think your education, both your undergraduate at SUNY Fredonia and your graduate work at Stony Brook, have impacted the approach that you take with your poetry?

I think at Fredonia there was just an openness. I was being introduced to a diversity of writers. And that was exciting. I was a big fan of Octavio Paz, and I don’t even remember whose class it was, but I did a whole presentation on him. Or the Surrealists, or…. at Fredonia, I had to take “Western Civilization and the Arts?” There was a set of courses, and I don’t remember the name of it now, but we pretty much had to understand the history of artists and how they collaborated, and their different aesthetics. And though it would have been great to just take sort of an overview, I really appreciated that they had us take those courses. As a musician, or as a budding artist. [Laughs] Just to understand how artists work together. And I did a lot of that [learning] at Fredonia. I got to play, you know? And then contextualize it later, in real life. You’d never know, but all those skills I’m doing now!

Stony Brook was great because one of my professors at Fredonia had introduced the class to, say, Derek Walcott’s work, and by the time I was at Stony Brook I was sitting in a classroom with Derek Walcott. And that was such a wonderful education. But what I liked about Stony Brook was that they weren’t interested in changing my voice, they were just interested in giving me more tools to work with. Prosody, you know, a lot of essay writing. And they encourage you to take writing in different genres, even though I wanted to study poetry. So I really appreciated that, because I do think that different art forms inform each other.

5. Is there somebody who stands out to you as being singularly important to your career as a poet?

One of my teachers, George Dorsty. He was a teacher out on Long Island, just a wonderful storyteller. He loved poetry (I think he’s a haiku master!). He teaches in Virginia, I think, now. We’ve kept in touch. But I’ve had a lot of great English teachers. In my Master’s program, there was Julie Chen and Star Black. Julie’s a good questioner. She’s really great about being attentive to the facts on the page because my mind can really wander. And Star Black, she studied under Ashbery, I think. Good at thinking about different ways to generate. Terrance Hayes, I worked within a few places, and he’s good at sort of asking questions in his poems and just talking about philosophy and poetics. And just not worrying about the mainstream, he was really good to talk to about that. It was nice to hear from a teacher, face-to-face, that it’s okay to be sort of obsessed with the craft and sitting down to get to work. There’s certainly other poets, of course, but those are the first that come to mind.

6. How do you think your experiences as somebody of West-Indian descent have influenced your poetry, mechanically or thematically?

It’s a good question. [Pause] My parents grew up in Jamaica, and I grew up here. But there was a lot of cultural influence in my house. The joke is, when my mom was living in Jamaica and pregnant with me, she said that at the time that there were two basic radio stations. One that played reggae music, and one that played classical music. And she loved classical music! So we just have a joke that that’s where the love came from, somehow, me in her womb enjoying what she was enjoying. And she introduced me to some poets, early on. Well, folklorists. So I’m sure their language influenced my speech, definitely, language patterns, syntax. I sometimes had a little trouble at school as a kid, a little bit of stuttering issues, and I didn’t know if it was because I’d hear something one way at home and hear it differently at school. These might be pretty current, current and reoccurring themes for first-generation kids. I feel like I see it in certain students when I teach. I’m sure that it’s influenced me in that way.

But from some of the poets that I’ve come across who are known here in this country and have West-Indian background, what I feel like I’ve learned is that you can be open. Talk about anything. I feel like those particular poets, like Claude McKay or even Derek Walcott or Louise Simpson — I grew up on Louise Bennett too, she’s Jamaican, one of the folklorists I was thinking of — reading their work, they gave a sense of talking about whatever was on their minds at times when I think that they might not have felt that way? That unspoken permission, that you have things to say.

But in terms of mechanics, I don’t know. My parents had some patois in the house in Queens. Again, the Queens English, which I think had [an effect] on my earlier comment about syntax and recognizing speech patterns. Understanding the patois, and the Queens English, and the standard Long Island American English. I’m sure they all played a part. And then when you get into music, I love Tori Amos, these early-90’s women and indie artists, which also probably played a role.

7. What would say is the most important lesson that poetry can teach us?

Most important? [Poetry] teaches us how to be a better observer of the world. And how to ask a question. I think inquiry as dialogue turns out to be pretty important in the journey. And maybe enjoying the process of creating, in terms of writing words or writing music. I know a couple of writers who have sort of dropped off. Not that they were [necessarily] more product-focused, but that’s what I suspect, and they just didn’t quite find yet what they enjoy about the process. And I do think it probably takes a long time for some people because there is something that they’re tapping into that they want to keep doing. I think that finding your own process and being patient with yourself [is what a writer needs]. But I think it starts with observing. Like, really observing. Not being afraid to look, and question.

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theroguebadger · 8 years

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Review: Final Fantasy XV

That’s it! I’ve come up with a new review! (No spoilers)

Following a game's development from the day of its initial announcement can be a difficult prospect. For many AAA games, that can mean two or three years of patience, with only a new trailer every few months to keep the fire of anticipation burning. In this sense, Final Fantasy XV is the most extreme of anomalies. It was first unveiled as Final Fantasy Versus XIII, a companion story with loose links to Final Fantasy XIII, at E3 in 2006, a whopping ten years before it would finally see the light of day. In the following years, updates and new information were so scarce that many feared that the game would never see release; even when it was officially rebranded as Final Fantasy XV at E3 2013, seven years after its first trailer aired, fans were subjected to a three-year wait before they could get their hands on it, though two demos and several trailers filled the gap. With a game like this, whose development history was so troubled and uncertain, it isn't enough to simply ask whether or not the finished product is a satisfactory one. Perhaps more importantly, we have to ask: was it worth the wait?

Final Fantasy XV picks and chooses aspects from earlier series instalments and takes them for itself, whilst occasionally throwing something new into the mix. Reminiscent of Final Fantasy III and X-2, your party is limited to a smaller group of people – four, in this case – all of which are present from the opening stages of the story. Noctis Lucis Caelum, prince of the kingdom of Lucis, departs the capital city of Insomnia in the opening scenes, accompanied by three close friends: Ignis, a sensible caretaker charged with keeping Noctis out of trouble; Gladiolus, a combat instructor responsible for training Noctis's combat skills; and Prompto, a close friend of the prince's from his school days, who brings a carefree enthusiasm and his photography skills to the team.

Together, they set off on a road trip to attend Noctis's own wedding to Lunafreya, princess of distant kingdom Tenebrae. It all quickly goes wrong, of course. Insomnia is invaded by an imperial army moments after you leave; your father the king is assassinated, your fiancée disappears on a journey of her own and the kingdom's Crystal, a magical relic needed to keep the world safe, is pilfered by the empire. As with much of the story, this is all communicated in a very rushed, head-scratching sort of way. The impact of events is made underwhelming by how little time or focus is dedicated to them. The invasion of Insomnia is shown to be a battle on a catastrophic scale, but the seconds-long cutscene that reveals it hardly adds anything to the immensity of the event.

With their mission now changed – they need to find Lunafreya, bring down the empire and restore the Crystal to Lucis – Noctis and company's true journey begins. Here the first portion of Lucis's open world becomes available to you, with the other sections locked behind early story progression. When you're not travelling between story areas – your means of transport being the Regalia, on foot or, eventually, via chocobo – you can tackle some of FF15's innumerable hunting missions, help out troubled NPCs at the various outposts or gather useful materials. Food sources will provide you with ingredients to bolster Ignis's list of recipes, which when prepared at camp will give the party a time-limited boost to various stats. In many cases, the right meal can make all the difference in a tough fight, of which there are many outside of the mandatory story fights, and Ignis's own enthusiasm for the culinary arts makes the whole process quite charming to watch.

Alongside ingredients, you can also discover ore with which to customise your car, or sources of magic to craft spells for use in battle. Gone are the days of scrolling through your acquired spells to find the right one for the occasion. Final Fantasy XV has its own approach to magic, allowing you to mix and match your stock of each element to create stronger variants – the classic -aras and -agas – but the most crucial aspect is adding in items you've collected along your travels. These can do anything from increasing the uses of a particular spell (they're all finite and must be replenished) to adding extra effects such as healing Noctis or boosting the experience you earn from any battle in which they're cast. Fiddling around with different combinations is interesting enough at first, but after a while I couldn't help but wish they'd stuck with something more traditional. Having these usage-limited tools of devastation is a novel concept, but friendly fire means you're just as likely to set your team ablaze as you are to turn the tide of battle with a well-placed, triple-cast Firaga.

Combat puts you solely in control of Noctis, with your allies only controllable through the activation of their own specific skills. Whilst your teammates are limited to two weapons of specific types – Gladiolus uses greatswords and shields, for example – Noctis can wield anything and everything, including the Royal Arms of the Lucis line. His unique, princely abilities allow him to teleport around the battlefield, instantly warping to a distant enemy and landing a fearsome blow that only grows stronger the further he warps. In bigger, more chaotic battles, the combat truly shines; at times, it feels as if Noctis's friends only fight with him to better enable his showy fighting style, and it works. Incapacitating a group of enemies with well-timed warp-strikes before following up with a combo attack – Gladiolus is capable of massive damage, whereas Ignis provides support and Prompto destabilises and hinders the enemy – is never unsatisfying.

The combat system only begins to exhibit major faults when you face off against certain screen-filling enemies, so large in size and scale that the camera doesn't know what to do or where to look. The hit-detection on these enemies is similarly inconsistent, meaning what you intended to be a critical blow with a warp-strike actually results in you sliding along the enemy's bulk before clipping through them and becoming lodged inside. These encounters are limited, however, and for the most part the fast-paced battles continue to be one of Final Fantasy XV's triumphs. It's a system where simplicity proves to be the a viable approach, though fans of Final Fantasy's turn-based roots might yearn for something more traditional. Summoning, a recurring feature of Final Fantasy combat, has also been overhauled – don't expect a designated summoner class in this game. The small but familiar selection of summons are a real spectacle to behold, towering high above the battlefield as they unleash a devastating ability. With their acquisition tied to story progression, however, there's no satisfaction or challenge in acquiring them, and their specific summon requirements – they're more likely to appear based on factors such as allies being knocked out or Noctis entering the danger state – make them awkward and fiddly at times, resulting in a mountain-sized, god-like creature appearing to end a battle against low-level enemies, or at the very end of a lengthy boss battle where their intervention would have been better appreciated early on.

Where Final Fantasy XV truly struggles is in telling its story. Its more recent predecessors had particular narrative issues – FF13's reliance on handing the player files to read in order to properly learn about the world, for instance – but never before have I felt that a Final Fantasy game's story is in dire need of fixing – until now. The problems start early and rarely abate, with one of FF15's rare, albeit beautiful, CGI cutscenes showing the king's death in mere seconds. The actual invasion of Insomnia, home to all four party members, is detailed mostly via radio transmissions heard by the group. After a little bit of moping, Noctis seemingly forgets his father has died at all; he doesn't move on from grieving so much as that particular plot thread is abandoned entirely. Later, another brief cutscene introduces you to the main group of antagonists, some of whom are never actually seen again. Whilst the open-world does a good enough job of showing the player a living, breathing Lucis, full of settlements big and small, their people engaging in conversations about anything from everyday minutia to whichever crisis is ongoing at that point in the game, the empire receives barely any development at all. Knowing your enemy is a major part of becoming invested in the experience, but I found myself unable to care about what little I knew of Noctis's foes.

By the end of the game, the imperial presence in FF15's world of Eos meant little more to me than the aircraft that would so routinely interrupt my travels to drop a group of Magitek Soldiers on my team. If you engage in optional activities to even the smallest extent, these altercations will be your main source of interaction with the antagonistic empire; what few officers and leaders they have disappear permanently not long after being introduced to you, and not necessarily because they were defeated. It's a baffling inadequacy in a game that took a decade to make. Final Fantasy has for years been a name synonymous with rich world-building and compelling stories, but Final Fantasy XV's decade-long development has produced an incoherent, muddled narrative that fails to match the scope and depth the developers no doubt intended for their world. Whilst the plot and its delivery do bring down the overall experience, there is a great deal of good to balance out the bad.

In some ways, Final Fantasy XV is both endearing and spectacular. Someone on the development team clearly understood how great an impact the little things can have, and it's in subtlety and nuance that FF15 is at its most charming. Although driving the Regalia is almost entirely an on-rails affair, it's made more enjoyable by the group's humourous exchanges and, best of all, the ability to listen to the soundtracks of previous Final Fantasy instalments, which can be purchased from vendors across Lucis. The track listings aren't complete, but there's something undeniably nostalgic about listening to FF10's Blitz Off or Blinded by Light from FF13, not to mention classic tracks from the series' earliest instalments. When you're done for the day and settle down at a camp or inn, you'll get to see the photographs Prompto has taken that day, and you can save any you like. Some are fairly typical – locations you've visited, people you've met – but the rest have real potential to amuse or delight. Alongside pictures of the group posing together by a landmark, I had photos of the four of them mid-battle with fearsome daemons – powerful enemies that only appear at night – or trekking across Lucis with a town visible in the distance and the sun just right in the sky beyond. Having Noctis and company settle down at night with a meal to pore over Prompto's handiwork always succeeds in strengthening your connection to them and the bond they so clearly share; it's just a shame that the rest of the cast wasn't treated so lovingly. From helpful mechanic Cindy, with her inexplicable accent and ridiculous attire, to fearsome warrior Aranea, anyone who isn't a part of Team Noctis will receive little in the way of character development, if they get anything at all. It's another jarring disappointment from a series that has in the past so consistently created compelling and likeable supporting casts.

It's often people like those who will be issuing your quests, but outside of a few generic lines of dialogue you'll learn almost nothing about them, and lesser NPCs are recycled with a consistency that would be impressive were it not so tedious. One man, a hunter named Dave of all things, pops up in settlements across Lucis, tasking the group with going to a nearby location and retrieving the dog tags of a fallen hunter. His dialogue rarely differs each time – “Fancy meeting you here. Mind collecting some dog tags for me?” – but he somehow has more of a presence than many of the game's more prominent characters. Rather than taking a copy-paste approach to side quests to the extent that they're almost MMO-esque in depth and variety, more time could have been taken to show us more of what we need and want to know. For all of the occasional chatter about her, Lunafreya has shockingly little to do in the game, which is worrying indeed given that as the Oracle she acts as a liaison between humans and the gods. By the end of the game, I could only find three aspects to her character: she and Noctis were in a long-distance relationship, she could communicate with the gods and she opposed the empire. Beyond that, there's little to learn. With so many excellent leading ladies to draw from in the series' history, it's a shame that Lunafreya contributes so little. Outside of Noctis's group, characters seem to exist only to push the heroes in a certain direction, lacking a real purpose or personality of their own.

That's the prevailing problem with Final Fantasy XV: it feels aimless. Winning battles and accomplishing certain feats awards you with experience points and AP with which to power up your party members, but it hardly feels rewarding. Most enemy encounters can be won with minimal effort, making the huge number of side missions and hunts feel completely unnecessary. The story will drag you from place to place on the whims of one person or another, but when the credits rolled I found myself with more questions than answers, and not for lack of paying attention. It's easy to get lost in the experience, to allow yourself to wander the wilds of Eos, undertaking hunts to eliminate powerful enemies before you seclude yourself at a nearby fishing spot, but the facade crumbles when you go anywhere near a main story mission. Final Fantasy has been erratic in quality post-FFX, but never before have the problems been so glaring, so detrimental to the overall experience. With ten years of development time, no matter how troubled those early years might have been, it shouldn't have been like this.

7/10

#Final Fantasy #Final Fantasy XV #FF15 #Noctis #Ignis #Gladiolus #Prompto #Square Enix #Reviews #My Stuff

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