#although its not a thought i can relate to this is still utterly tragic

[thetypedwriter]

Imaginary Friend Book Review

Imaginary Friend by Stephen Chbosky Book Review 

This is undoubtedly the weirdest book I have ever read. 

You might be thinking… but, thetypedwriter you read fanfiction! This can’t be the weirdest thing you’ve ever read! Things like ABO universes exist!

You would think that, wouldn’t you?

But no. 

I shall endeavor to give you a spoiler free synopsis of the book first followed by my thoughts and criticism, but note that this is an endeavor for a reason. I have now explained this novel in depth to two different people, and both times I have found myself completely and irrevocably stuck on how to even begin, let alone end. 

With that forewarning, here we go. 

The novel surrounds a single mother and her young son moving to a small Pennsylvania town in order to escape the tragedies of their past that include the passing of her husband and her current abusive boyfriend. 

However, while things in their new home start out well-they find solutions to unemployment, poverty, the son’s dyslexia, etc, things start to go awry when Christopher, the son, is lured into the Mission Street Woods at the edge of town by a voice only he seems to be able to hear. 

As Christopher continues to listen to the voice in the form of a cloud, or a plastic bag, or even inside of his mind, he starts recruiting his friends to build a treehouse in the woods that will transport him to a different time and place. The voice, lovingly called the Nice Man, instructs him to finish the tree house by Christmas Day. 

Or else everyone will die. 

As Christopher struggles with newfound powers and responsibilities, coping with two different worlds, his mother struggles with her son’s sanity, the town struggles with anger, blame, and temptation, and what follows is the chaotic descent of a small town into the throes of good versus evil, love and loss, and most importantly, trying to differentiate what is real versus what is imaginary. 

In the simplest terms possible (a facetious statement if there ever was one), I thought this was going to be a thriller mystery book about a single mother and her young seven-year-old son Christopher leaving their home and her abhorrent abusive boyfriend in order to start a new life with hope and potential. 

And it….is? 

But it doesn’t stop there. Chbosky crams so many genres, themes, motifs, and messages into this book that when you think about it, it’s unsurprising that it’s over 700 pages long with the tiniest, most miniscule font I have ever had to squint at. 

However, make no mistakes like I did, this book is horror. 

Yup. You read that right folks, horror. 

To preface, and I might have mentioned this in another post for another book at some point, but I vehemently dislike horror of any kind. This extends to books, movies, shows, etc. 

I understand that horror is a great joy and pleasure for a vast amount of people and that it contains its own literary merit, tropes, and rules, and I can appreciate that for what it is from afar, but I personally take very little enjoyment from consuming anything horror related (I apologize to all the Stephen King fans out there in the world). 

I did not fully realize the extent to which this book was a true horror. 

This is entirely my own fault. I was very much blinded by the rosy colored glasses from college when I first read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Chbosky’s first and only other novel. 

Perks is wonderful. It is a tragic, yet fundamentally hopeful and loving bildungsroman that shows the beauty and the pain of growing up and accepting yourself. The movie with Emma Watson is what dreams are made of. 

I committed author fraud when I picked up Imaginary Friend based on the pure speculation that I would most likely like it since he had written Perks, a book I adored as both a reader and a teacher. 

I’ve warned readers against this in the past, but it seems like I should have taken my own advice: just because an author has written one good book or one book you like, does not automatically mean you will like their second book, or any of their other books for that matter. 

This cannot possibly ring more true for Stephen Chbosky, as not only are his two books completely different in narrative and structure, but also vastly different in genre and purpose. 

I should have stuck with my gut and realized that I probably wouldn’t like this book based off the synopsis, the genre, and yes, even the cover (it looks scary to me, okay?), but I said noooooo, it’s Chbosky, you have to read it!

And this is where we ended up. 

First of all, I didn’t hate the book. 

I can recognize that it is extremely well written, well crafted, and well developed. I can enjoy a slew of characters, and oh boy are there a multitude to pick from, and I can give credit where credit is due. 

Chbosky is a talented writer. There is no doubt in my mind about this. The way he crafts words, the way he plays with texture and space, and with fonts and sizes, is nothing less of sheer brilliance. 

He undoubtedly is also masterful at motifs, foreshadowing, and symbolism. Notably, there were so many recurring objects, colors, metaphors, and so on that were sprinkled out so consecutively and intentionally throughout the novel-some I didn’t even pick up until the end-that I was left reeling from how immensely talented and brilliant he is. 

Things like his use of baby teeth, blue moon, and fogs/clouds/mist struck me in particular. I know this seems like gibberish, but Chbosky truly came across as understanding what he wanted to portray and how he wanted to deliver it. 

However, the biggest compliment I can give to Chbosky is the sheer magnitude of his imagination and creativity. This book almost overwhelmed me through the use of ideas and concepts I had never really thought of before. 

Alternate dimensions? Check. 

Supernatural powers? Check. 

Incredible use of diction and figurative language? Check and check. 

Chbosky had so many wild and tantalizing beautiful turns of phrases, expressions, and descriptions that it left me with the same sort of gasping epiphany that Maggie Steifvater’s writing always leaves me with, the feelings that writing can be so utterly beautiful and compelling, that it can be all-consuming as well as never ending with its potential to stun, to create, and to warp to unique needs and purposes. 

It definitely was a reading experience quite like any other I’ve had. 

Be that because of the horror genre or because of Chbosky’s odd, yet addicting writing style and this has definitely become a book that left me more than a bit dumbfounded. Although I’ve sung its praises and admitted to my own faults at this point, this book isn’t without flaws. 

To me the horror genre itself is just not my cup of tea like I’ve stated. Strike number one. 

Second, the book was...abysmally long. Atrociously long. As I’ve also said before, I do not mind large books. In fact, big books when you’re reading something you love is a true blessing. Finding that fanfiction at 3am that hooks you immediately and you look up to see its 300k? Amazing. 

Starting a new book series that you fall in love with body and soul and realize you have several installments left in the series to gorge and devour? Ecstasy. 

Sloughing through a single book that starts to drag on and on repetitiously for what seems like forever? Borderline hell. 

This book could have been 300 pages shorter and still contained everything Chbosky wanted to accomplish. It could have had the same brilliant writing, messages, and motifs, but without all of the never-ending back and forth between worlds and battles that just kept popping up time and time again. The abominable length considering its content is strike two. 

Last, the ending was a bit of a cluster. At this point in the novel, so much is going on, you are being exposed to so many pov’s that it’s almost stress-inducing, and events taking place are cataclysmic and 10/10 on drama. Chbosky bit off more than he could chew here. 

The book choked itself at the end, which, after reading for 700 pages is not the feeling you want to have. The ending left me befuddled, disappointed, and also bereft of a conclusive end and explanation for the shitstorm that had just rained down. It was not the ending I wanted, could understand, or could even really grasp. Strike three. 

This book has a plethora of merits followed by three enormous criticisms. If you like horror, then you’ve already crossed hurdle number one. If you can accept it’s repellant length (let alone have days upon days of free time to actually ingest said behemoth) then that’s hurdle number two. 

Hurdle three is up to you. Perhaps you would like the ending where as I found it lacking in structure, content, and answers. I like my endings tied up with neat little bows. I don’t like to be left thinking...hmmmm what does this mean? 

If I am going to read your massive book, I deserve an ending that satisfies the journey. Authors telling readers that it’s up for interpretation makes me want to strangle something. It comes across as enormously pretentious to me and oftentimes lazy. 

In the case of Chbosky, I think he had given himself so many loose threads that the neat little bow I desired was next to impossible. 

So he didn’t even try. 

Score: 6/10

Recommendation: If you love The Shining, are lacking bouts of creativity and imagination, have lots of free time during Quarantine, and don’t mind having an Inception-esque ending where you might not get all the answers you want, while being tasked with concocting it for yourself, Imaginary Friend might be your new best friend. 

Bonus: Here’s a pic of my kitty photo bombing this book shoot. Hope she brightens your day!

[nexstage]

Starless

Larimar, Snowflake, and Centi: Can someone understand me?

Corruption.

For many people, it means the process by which something, typically a word or expression, is changed from its original use or meaning to one that is regarded as erroneous or debased.

However, for the gems like little Larimar, Snowflake, Centi and many others who suffered by the hands of the Diamonds that fateful day during the war, it meant two words: pain and confusion.

Ok, so that's an understatement because unless you're a gem, you can't get how it felt. Many things confused and/or upset people no matter how insignificant they were after all.

But the Corruption Attack, being corrupted, THAT was a whole, another story.

There were no words to describe it and, honestly, it's not that the healed gems were going to write an essay about what was the most traumatic moment of their quasi-immortal lives. Still, if someone asked them, they would have the same idea: it was like being swallowed by a hell made of confusion and pain.

Not that gems knew what hell was, but that explanation was enough for them to illustrate their trauma. After all, when your light form is twisted by a blinding blast and your mind wakes up with the sole programming of attacking and tearing everything apart as if you were going to die if you didn't do it, then it's understandable that the only concept of being corrupted is that one: being messed up endlessly.

No one was there to help you, no one was there to calm you down, there was no escape. Your body didn't felt like it was yours anymore, it was more from a beast.

The worst part was the mind.

Before the Corruption, a gem knew what to do and whom to follow. A gem knew who she was. After it happened, nothing made sense anymore.

It was an agglomeration of scrambled words, feelings, memories, and sensations that forced themselves to fit with the other creating a chaotic image, the only guide when you were corrupted.

A gem tried to make sense of it, but the mind of a beast had its limits and that's when the pain came to the picture.

It was a void where the word 'Lost' reigned ruthlessly. The corrupted ones could resort to their claws and fangs, to their strength and agility, to that animalistic nature that had replaced their calculating minds; however, it didn't last against others who were luckier than them for not being corrupted and for having better plans to deal with the unfortunate ones.

Too many aspects that were new for the gems when they came to Earth, before the Corruption, became utterly terrifying and overwhelming. They couldn't remember, and the feelings of helplessness and frustration hurt them more, made them snap and get attacked and bubbled which was worse.

Just with a single attack, any spark of hope left them.

But then, Steven came to the picture too.

The kid who, for the corrupted ones, was just another enemy or prey of their claws, and still he decided to face the fearsome Diamonds so they could be healed.

That sweet little human with gem powers who was looking for a solution so they could get back their lives and not suffer anymore.

It was because of him that they could live peacefully, and while some of them went back to Homeworld and slowly adjusted to the changes of a dismantled empire, the others -Crystal Gems and gems who wanted to start a new life on Earth- stayed on the planet to learn new things. Still, all of them had one thing in common: their absolute gratitude and respect towards Steven Universe.

And therefore, it was a huge and terrible surprise for Centi to be told that his little friend, his savior, had disappeared with his car to an unknown place.

It was supposed to be a surprise visit and some time hanging out with Steven, catching up and know if things were ok with him on Earth. However, when she and her crew received the news about his sudden departure, they couldn't believe it.

At first, Centi thought it was just a short journey Steven had to realize for some errand or another reason, her denial being strong enough to put her worst fears aside concerning the boy's well-being.

Everything collapsed, though, after a very somber explanation.

Steven wasn't doing ok. In fact, both the Crystal Gems and his 'dad' - as the human called Greg referred to himself- had noticed, pretty late, unfortunately, some unhealthy and worrying patterns of behavior in Steven that got worse until the last straw came, the cactus incident.

Centi's mind was divided in two. On one hand, she wanted to blame her former enemies due to their incompetence that led Steven to ran away from Beach City to stars-knows-where. The glares and open hostility on her part towards the Crystal Gems were very clear signals of that. On the other hand, she felt compelled to act, although impulsively, almost going to Homeworld to call the Diamonds to find Steven.

One of the Crystal Gems, the Pearl, stopped her by telling her that the Diamonds would cause a big scandal because not all Earth had getting used to see and interact with gems. And if Steven found out, he would freak out.

So, now she was in the center of Little Homeworld, accompanied not only by her crew but also two former Crystal Gems: a Larimar and a Snowflake Obsidian.

Before all this mess, she wouldn't imagine interacting with former enemies. However, the war was over, all the corrupted gems were healed and living their own lives, and bringing Steven back was the goal in common for her, her crew and those Crystal Gems.

What was most surprising, though, was how understanding they were at her worries despite her initial distrust at them.

"You know, when I was a mindless monster I thought deep down that I would never get back my life. But Steven gave me another chance and here I am, now. And yeah, Pearl and the other Crystal Gems are my friends and I don't like it when someone is mad at them, but I get it. Steven is truly important for all of us. If it weren't for him, we would still be monsters"

The Larimar, Little Larimar as she called herself, nodded at her friend's words "Steven helped me to find my purpose. And that is making others happy, especially human children. I don't know what kind of purpose do you have now that the war is over, but whatever it is, it must be really treasured by you because Steven gave you a chance to find it. Someone like him is so difficult to find these days and a big blessing"

"Yeah, he is" Centi agreed and even her crew members nodded at that "At first he attacked me because he saw me as a threat. But, the second time we met, he was so kind to me. He listened to me when I told him what happened before the Corruption"

"He even faced the Diamonds to bring us back" a nephrite of the crew intervened sadly.

"He might be a Crystal Gem, but he sees all the gems as equals and helps them no matter what", another nephrite said while clutching her left arm anxiously.

"Everyone here is in debt with Steven, and even if he would have never accepted us owing him so much because of how he is, we still need to do it. We have to"

And so, they started their own search.

---------------------

If someone had told Larimar and Snowflake that looking for a human on a planet full of humans was going to be difficult or almost impossible, they would have ignored them.

As veteran Crystal Gems, both only knew one thing, and that was that action and determination could lead you anywhere. Whether it was war or any other project, if you don't have the guts to make it true, then it's useless to keep going. However, as days went by, the two gems came to the conclusion that just a strong resolve wasn't enough to find someone.

No clues, no handprints not even a single note. Steven really wanted to not be found.

"What kind of places should we list to start?" asked Centi to one of them, Larimar to be exact.

As surreal as it sounded, despite the bad blood between Crystal Gems and Homeworld Gems, both Snowflake and Larimar could befriend Centi and her crew while looking for Steven.

So, maybe it was because all of them were corrupted and saved by him because they cared about him because Steven befriended them and helped them to adjust to a new era. Maybe those were the only reasons to make a team with former enemies. However, with time they started to bond over other things like what they liked, how they were finding themselves without wars or Diamonds' orders around, their opinions about Era 3, trivialities. Anything that crossed their minds.

Just like that, differences stopped existing between each other, and yeah, at first they wondered why but then it became obvious: there were others whose experiences you could relate to, even if they were Homeworld Gems.

That single realization gave Larimar an idea "Guys, did anyone know how Steven was doing?" that question froze everyone's work. Seconds of silence turned into minutes due to a deep reflection.

"He wouldn't have left if someone knew he wasn't ok, wouldn't he?" a Nephrite said, but she didn't sound that sure.

"I think this isn't about if someone knew how Steven was doing, it was more about if they could understand how he felt" Snowflake's opinion got everyone nodding. It made sense, after what they had heard of how Steven was behaving, it felt as if he was isolating himself because there was no one who could comprehend what he was going through.

"I still remembered when I corrupted," Centi said somberly "I felt so lost and alone. Even with my crew at my side, I didn't know if this torment would end. Steven still tried and listened to me. I didn't feel so lonely after that"

"Did he have someone to do the same for him?" another member of Centi's crew asked concerned.

A heavy silence made itself present as the answer.

It was worrying as much as it was tragic.

How long would have Steven gone through that? Giving his ears and shoulders to anyone who needed them but finding a lack of support despite the love everyone gave him.

Then another more confusing question came, is love enough to prevent events like this from happening? But if it were so simple as that, Steven would still be here and ok.

"What if Steven is looking for someone like him?" Larimar's question was strange and their raised eyebrows demanded an explanation.

"We can understand each other because we know how terrifying it was the Corruption Attack or be corrupted. He may be feeling scared for some reason but no one can see it in his way"

"A human with gem powers, that is unique indeed" Snowflake pensive expression then turned into a scowl "I don't think his sudden journey is going to be successful. Never before has been someone like Steven. A mix of human and gem. Garnet told me it was like a fusion"

"Instead of searching another hybrid between human and gem, he might be looking for people who have enough ears and shoulders that he can rely on"

"We can give him that" a Nephrite intervened by showing her shapeshifting abilities to multiply her shoulders "There will be enough and even more for him to pick"

"I think it goes beyond the number" Larimar sat in a rock in the middle of the huge Strawberry Battlefield.

Even when the war was over, the air still felt heavy and bitter in the area. The screams, the clash of weapons, pieces of cracked and shattered gems covering the ground, the sky the color of blood.

Larimar hoped, really hoped, that Steven wasn't here hiding because this place, despite being calm and beautiful now, only harbored dark memories and feelings.

Perhaps that's how Steven was doing right now. Trying to keep a bravado or smile to everyone, even if inside of him there was a raged storm.

And no one better than him could get that sensation, but Steven didn’t want himself to understand him, he wanted another person.

"Larimar, something on your mind?" Snowflake put a comforting hand on her shoulder, encouraging her kindly to tell her what's wrong.

"Is it enough for someone to just have themselves?"

That was a very philosophical question. And no, Snowflake didn't know what to answer.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I mean, when we were corrupted we were scared, hurt and confused. We didn't have anyone, we couldn't remember who we were. If it weren't for Steven it would have been worse. So, how can someone be understood or feel like they're being listened if having themselves isn't even enough?"

"Honestly, I don't know. But we had the chance to be listened, to be helped. Steven gave us that chance"

"It's time for us to return the favor" Centi, who hadn't been that far away from the two gems, approached them after hearing what they were saying.

"We'll listen to him as long as he wants," another Nephrite said, determinedly.

"We can be those shoulders he lacked"

"Because we know how it feels to be lost and terrified"

"We'll try as hard as possible. He deserves it. He needs it"

Resolution ran through their bodies as if it were blood coursing through veins. Whether Steven was finding someone else to understand him or finding himself, once they found his savior, they will help him by being by his side.

That single step wouldn't be enough but it would be the way to make Steven see that people got his back.

[star-temeraire]

Okay I’m cross-posting a bunch of stuff from twitter.

I feel so utterly betrayed. @.StarTrekRoom @.startrekcbs @.ansonmount Do us disabled people not belong in the federation's egalitarian society? Do we only exist as a horrifying threat? A disability is not the end of the world. Pike has been my favourite character for a long time,

but I've found myself caring less and less. When 'The Menagerie' first aired, in San Fran. and a few other places in the US and Europe, 'Ugly Laws' were in place. This meant that Pike wouldn't have been allowed out in public. These segregation laws existed until the mid 70s.

The TOS depiction, by modern standards, wasn't amazing. But his disability was one of the reasons I loved him. A disability is not the end. It is not the horrifying thing that you, and broader media, have made it out to be. I am Disabled. That is part of who I am.

A disability was not the end for me. And it shouldn't be for Pike. You had the opportunity to make everything better. To say that, yes, Disabled people do belong in an egalitarian society. That, yes, we should be respected as we are, without having to change.

You could have made things better. You could have improved the 60's view of what the future should like like. Give him an eye tracker, show him being happy even after everything. Show him still being loved and respected by people like Number One and Dr. Boyce.

And the thing is, you let me trust you. Through Spock and the unnamed bg character (although I have heard some legitimate criticisms there), you made me think that perhaps this won't be so bad, that maybe you gave some thought. You should know better.

Seeing more diversity in media is something that makes me very happy. But the problem is, disability is always the late-comer. Its always left til last, if its even acknowledged at all. Are our stories not interesting? Can we not be full people acknowledged in the narrative?

Or can you not fathom the idea that we are anything but tragic? I would really like to know if any Disabled people were consulted at all in the production of episode 12.

I'm writing this before I see tonight's episode, and honestly? At this point I fail to see how you could salvage it. I've seen that petition floating around. As a Pike fan its something that I should be trilled about. But its not.

If a Pike show happens, amends need to be made. The reboot, like all ST series, had its problems, but it didn't turn Pike into a disability spectacle.

Abled fans also need to take a good long look at themselves. Half of my negative feelings about that episode have come from how people reacted. Disability is not tragedy. For me, my disability exists in relation to my identity in the same way as my gender and sexuality.

Disabled and happy are not mutually exclusive. And even if you want to use that event as something that shows Pike's moral character, giving moral weight to an identity, even a 'positive' one, is a slippery slope.

Look, Discovery, I am totally willing to discuss this further. If you want me to elaborate more, I will. If you want to ask a question, please do. Just don't keep assuming that you know how disability should be presented. Your disabled fans deserve better.

If Pike gets his own show then some serious thought has to be put into how the repercussions of s2 are going to play out. Both in universe and out. I'm still having a lot of complicated thoughts about episodes 12 and onwards and they aren't good.

Even before that, Vina's comments about her disfigurement rubbed me the wrong way. Okay, I get that she hasn't spent her whole life growing up in the Federation, but the fact that Pike didn't immediately jump to say it's not a problem bothers me. 

It's a really horrible thing to see people say they want to create a socially equal society, but then explicitly exclude disability from that equality. 

I want to still love @.ansonmount  's Pike, I really do. Because until ep12, his Pike was amazing. He was everything I wanted to see and more. It hurts to see such an amazing character get stuck in an ableist plot (that most fans won't even fucking acknowledge as ableist). 

And honestly I feel like I'm the only one talking about this, I see other disabled fans responding toe on occasion, but I barely see any able bodied people talking about this or even just listening. The Star Trek fan base needs to have a serious conversation about ableism. 

Because we're getting left behind. You want to talk about social progress? Great! But I don't want to hear it unless it includes disability. 

You want to make a Pike show? Fine. But I won't care until @.startrekcbs @.StarTrekRoom steps up their game. Either fix it, or just acknowledge that you don't know how to respectfully deal with this subject and move on. Don't make it worse.

Again, my previous offer still stands. If you're an able bodied person who doesn't understand why something was offensive, or why I'm saying a particular thing, PLEASE, just ask me. Please be willing to learn. 

[angelofberlin2000]

@HadleyFreeman

Sat 18 May 2019 09.00 BST

“Hey, I’m Keanu,” he introduces himself – unnecessarily, of course, and yet very Keanu-ishly. Despite being so famous his surname has long been superfluous, Keanu Reeves has always given the impression of being utterly unaffected by his own celebrity. He is regularly described by his co-stars as “kind” (Winona Ryder) and “humble” (Laurence Fishburne) and it is easier to imagine him walking on the moon than knocking back champagne with other celebrities on a yacht in St Barts. After all, the most famous paparazzi photo ever taken of Reeves was of him sitting alone on a bench, eating a sandwich out of a plastic bag. Hard to imagine Leonardo DiCaprio doing that.

“I’ll sit anywhere you want me to. This OK?” he says, taking a chair and offering me the sofa in the London hotel room where we meet. At just over 6ft, he is taller than I expected – also unusual for an actor – and dressed in a very Keanu outfit of dark shirt and trousers with sturdy boots. Despite being recently announced as the new face of the high fashion label Saint Laurent, Reeves has long been the patron saint of normcore, decades before it became a fashion statement. And I know this all too well because, from 1991–99, I had at least five posters of him on my bedroom walls modelling said look.

The 2010 photo of Reeves on a New York bench that sparked the Sad Keanu meme. Photograph: Splash News

Should one ever meet one’s teenage crush? Up until this week, I’d assumed I was long past the point of being starstruck – I’m a 40-year-old woman, for God’s sake! But now here I am, sitting opposite Reeves, now 54, the beard more grizzled than in my posters and the forehead suspiciously smooth, but still, most definitely Keanu. There’s that devastating smile he flashed at Sandra Bullock at the end of Speed, and there he is saying – and this is where I nearly lose all vestiges of professionalism – “Excellent!” while playing air guitar. Listening to the tape of our interview later is not an edifying experience, as I hear myself – Oh, dear God – flirt with Reeves (because, clearly, a heavily pregnant mother of two is the dream woman he’s been waiting for). Happily, my mortifying giggling soon abates, thanks to Reeves’ management of a situation he has presumably had to deal with every day of his life for the past four decades. And as he does, I get an insight into what it takes to be Keanu Reeves.

We are meeting today to discuss his latest film, John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum. It will unquestionably boost the more than $3bn Reeves’ movies have grossed over the years. When he made the first John Wick film in 2014 – directed, as all the Wick films are, by Chad Stahelski, Reeves’ stunt double on the Matrix films – few expected that a movie about a former assassin avenging the killing of his puppy would amount to much. Despite starring in some of the most successful and seminal movies of the past 30 years – from offbeat hits like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and My Own Private Idaho, to blockbusters like Point Break, Speed and The Matrix – Reeves has been in at least as many damp squibs, including 2013’s 47 Ronin, one of the biggest box office flops of all time. Yet Wick, a stylish, brooding, ultraviolent revenge fantasy, was an unexpected hit with critics and audiences, and is now a mega-million dollar franchise, giving Reeves his first mainstream hits since the Matrix movies.

Part three – sorry, Chapter 3 – is larkier than its two predecessors, including one incredible scene in which Reeves offs some bad guys using an actual horse as a weapon (rest assured: the horse escaped unharmed). As a testament to the success of the franchise, there are more celebrity co-stars, including Halle Berry, and despite the naysayers when it comes to Reeves’ acting, he is terrific as a man still mourning the death of his wife. (She died at the beginning of the first John Wick film, from that terrible terminal disease, Convenient Plot Device.) “We certainly didn’t know when we started on John Wick that it would become like this,” says Reeves. “We’re only getting to tell these stories because of the audience. So thank you.” He salutes me in thanks, as representative of all the Wick audiences. (If you are imagining this is one of the times I giggled at him, you are correct.)

One of the canniest things about the Wick films is how they riff on Reeves’ public image. Once dismissed as an airhead by those who confused the Bill & Ted movies with reality, for the past two decades Reeves has been seen as a melancholic loner. The famous 2010 photo of him on a New York bench sparked what became known as the Sad Keanu meme, but it only struck a chord because the assumption already existed that Reeves – then in a career slump – was, well, a bit sad. Reeves, with polite firmness, denies that this echo is deliberate – “No, no, I don’t think about that” – although it is hard to believe it wasn’t in the film-makers’ minds as they shot endless scenes in John Wick 3 of Sad Keanu wandering alone through rainy New York streets, empty hotel corridors and a desert.

It quickly becomes clear that polite firmness is Reeves’ modus operandi when it comes to nosy questions: he will give the impression of being up for answering anything while, in fact, saying very little, or nothing at all. (Sample exchange. Me: “Was there ever a moment, maybe after Bill & Ted, when people started reacting differently to you and you realised your life had changed?” Him: “Um, no.” Me: “Really?” Him: “No.”) What this distancing tactic might lack in conversational intimacy, it makes up for in shutting down any embarrassing flirtations from women who should know better. You can’t kid yourself you are soulmates with someone who is building such protective walls against you.

So I’m surprised when he volunteers that Wick’s melancholy possibly has a connection to some of the most painful moments in his life. One other big reason the public perception of Reeves shifted from comedy stoner to faintly tragic figure was because, in 1999, his long-term girlfriend, Jennifer Syme, gave birth to their daughter Ava, who was stillborn. The couple broke up soon after, and two years later Syme was killed in a car accident. Reeves has never married, had any other children or even been reliably linked to other romantic partners since. He has also never spoken publicly about their deaths, and who can blame him? But given that the heart of the Wick films is about him mourning a lost love, the resonance is hard to ignore.

“With any character, the way I think about it is, you have the role on the page, you have the vision of the director and you have your life experience,” he says.

Did he bring his experience of bereavement to the role? “Oh yeah, I thought it was one of the foundations of the role for John Wick. I love his grief,” he says, visibly perking up at the subject.

What is it about grief that interests him? “Well, for the character and in life, it’s about the love of the person you’re grieving for, and any time you can keep company with that fire, it is warm. I absolutely relate to that, and I don’t think you ever work through it. Grief and loss, those are things that don’t ever go away. They stay with you.”

Has he been thinking more about the people he has lost as he’s grown older? “I don’t think it’s about getting older. It’s always with you, but like an ebb and flow,” he says.

Anyone in particular? “Lots of people,” he says, bricking those walls right back up.

***

Keanu Reeves was born in Beirut, Lebanon, the son of an English mother and Hawaiian-Chinese father. (His first name, as all Reeves-ologists know, is Hawaiian for “cool breeze over the mountains”.) With his sister Kim, the family moved around the world, from Australia to Manhattan, before finally settling in Toronto when Reeves was six. I reckon you can often spot an adult who moved around a lot as a kid, I tell him. “Oh yeah? How?” he says, intrigued.

They tend to have a sense of detachment, self-sufficiency, maybe loner tendencies and a strong sense of independence, I say. “Yeah, I clinically belong to that. I definitely have a bit of the gypsy in me,” he agrees.

Reeves’ father left the family when Keanu was three, and disappeared entirely from their lives when he was 13. He and his sister had multiple stepfathers.

That’s a pretty hard age for a parent to vanish off the scene, I say. “For sure, I think it’s definitely traumatising. But it’s hard to know how [it affected me] because I don’t know what the other life would have been, you know what I mean?” he says.

Did his father ever contact him again? “Yeah, in the mid-90s, but I didn’t reach back out,” he says.

This was after his father had been convicted for selling heroin? “Yeah, but that wasn’t why I didn’t get in touch!” he laughs.

So why not? “I just didn’t,” he replies, and that’s the end of that. But I can’t help but think of one of my favourite scenes of his, from Ron Howard’s 1989 ensemble comedy Parenthood, in which Reeves’ character muses about paternal figures: “You need a licence to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a licence to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”

Often the class clown at school, Reeves liked sport and loved acting, and got an agent as a teenager after being talent-spotted in a play. He dropped out of high school before graduation. “I feel really fortunate in a way, because I knew what I wanted to do, and a lot of kids that age don’t. But I had a creative ambition and I did it,” he says. After some early television work, Reeves started getting film roles, most notably in the cult 1986 teen drama River’s Edge, followed by Bill & Ted, and from there the work never stopped.

Back in the 1990s, he was the go-to pin-up for all teenagers who wanted a beautiful, gentle and safely asexual boyfriend (hi!). But his acting, if not his looks, has been a more debatable subject. “Is Keanu Reeves a Good Bad Actor or a Bad Good Actor?” a reader wrote in to ask the New York Times’ film critics in 2011 (the answer was, “Neither! A good actor, period”). Writing in the Guardian, self-professed superfan Joe Queenan put him in a small category of actors so beloved they are beyond criticism: “In most of [his best] movies, Keanu plays a character the audience views more with affection than with reverence or idolatry, like a kid brother who has bitten off more than he can chew and may need outside help to survive.”

Today Reeves has a good riposte to the criticism that he doesn’t, or can’t, act. “I certainly never got it from any of the directors I worked with,” he says, checking off some of the most respected in the business, including Bernardo Bertolucci (Little Buddha), Kathryn Bigelow (Point Break), Francis Ford Coppola (Bram Stoker’s Dracula), Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons), Gus Van Sant (My Own Private Idaho) and Richard Linklater (A Scanner Darkly). “It’s not like I went to meet Kenneth Branagh [who directed him in 1993’s Much Ado About Nothing] and he was like, ‘Excellent, dude!’ You know?” He chucks in a little air guitar to boot.

It would have been pretty funny if Branagh had said that, though. “Of course! But the pigeonholing just comes from journalists and, yeah, that happens a lot. I generally don’t read the press but when I do I’m like, ‘Oh, OK, you’re doing that again,’” he says with a shrug.

I’ve never really understood the criticism. OK, he might not have been perfectly cast in Much Ado and acting opposite John Malkovich and Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons when he was only 24 was never going to be a fair fight. But he has always been a far more varied actor than the snarkers allow. He proved his superlative comic timing and endearing charisma in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and, when it comes to drama and sci-fi, no one is better at maintaining an inscrutable blankness. That quality is precisely what has driven so many directors to cast him, often as a messiah-like figure in movies such as Little Buddha, 2005’s Constantine (one of Reeves’ favourites), 1995’s Johnny Mnemonic and, of course, The Matrix. And of all the improbable actors who became action stars in the 1990s – Alec Baldwin, Nicolas Cage – Reeves seemed the most at home in the genre, in the still deliciously enjoyable Point Break and Speed, which he made in between smaller indie fare. So did he do the big movies in order to fund the smaller projects?

“Honestly, I try not to do anything I don’t want to do. But I guess those movies were in reaction to each other. It wasn’t as thought out as, OK, I finished Point Break, so now I’d better play a street prostitute. It was more like, OK, I finished this, now I want to do that,” he says.

“That” refers to 1991’s My Own Private Idaho, in which he and River Phoenix play street hustlers. Reeves had already met Phoenix through the latter’s girlfriend Martha Plimpton, with whom he had worked in Parenthood. The two quickly became friends, and it’s not hard to see why: both were young actors on the rise with a love of music and a pronounced lack of interest in the glitzier, red carpet side of their job. They were the anti-Brat Pack, and Phoenix, along with Alex Winter from Bill & Ted, were, Reeves says, “definitely my closest friends from that era. We shared an artistic sensibility. River was just so down-to-earth, spiritual and a unique artist. Yeah, I miss him,” says Reeves quietly. When Phoenix suggested the two of them make My Own Private Idaho, “I was in right away,” he says.

They had something else in common, a shared experience suggested in the now almost unbearably moving scene where the two sit by a campfire and talk haltingly about their childhoods.

Mike (Phoenix): If I had a normal family, and a good upbringing, then I would have been a well-adjusted person.

Scott (Reeves): Depends on what you call normal.

Mike: Didn’t have a dog, or a normal dad. Anyway, that’s all right. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I feel like I’m, you know, well-adjusted.

Scott: What’s a normal dad?

Phoenix’s dysfunctional childhood, growing up in a rackety family who for a time belonged to the Children of God cult, has been well-documented. Reeves’ was different, but no slouch when it came to potential trauma. Was that another thing that drew them together?

He ponders the question a full 10 seconds. “Certainly our histories played a role in that movie and in that scene. So I’ll say yes to that, yeah,” he says.

Two years after My Own Private Idaho’s release, the actor who desperately wanted to avoid every Hollywood cliche died the most cliched death imaginable, of a drugs overdose on Sunset Boulevard in 1993. Plenty of his contemporaries were also caught out, either self-destructing or becoming victims of their own success. Reeves adamantly refused to do either. When I ask how he avoided falling victim to drug addiction as Phoenix did, he says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world: “I just wasn’t into that scene.”

It’s hard to tell if he’s being blithe or defiant when he insists he still lives his life totally normally, unaffected by fans. But if Leonardo DiCaprio went into a supermarket, there would be hysteria, I say.

“Yeah, but Leonardo has fame and fans that I don’t have in that way. Definitely. I don’t know what his experiences are, but I think someone from the outside would think [going shopping] might not be easy for him. Whereas I can, which is good,” he says.

Come on, surely fans bother him all the time? But the worst he can come up with is someone quoting Point Break at him in the airport the other day and someone, once, quoting River’s Edge when he was queueing at an ice-cream van. “And that’s fun!” he says cheerfully.

In the 1980s and 1990s, he was offered every hot young part under the sun, including the lead in Platoon (which went to Charlie Sheen) and Val Kilmer’s role in Heat. But when I ask if he regrets turning any of them down, he smiles and instantly replies, “No.” He also turned down a $12m pay cheque to make Speed 2 because he, rightly, thought the plot was nonsense, which resulted in him being shut out of 20th Century Fox films for the next 11 years (and no, he doesn’t regret that, either). He is about to start shooting Bill & Ted Face The Music, in which the now fiftysomething duo have to write a song so good it will save the universe. “There has to be a reason for making a movie, and the writers have come up with a good ‘why’ for telling the story,” he says. When I ask what gives him an ego boost, given that he’s not driven by money or fame, he is so baffled by the idea of his ego needing a boost that he is silent for a full 28 seconds before finally answering, “The work.”

Maintaining his privacy has been a major factor in helping Reeves retain his sanity, yet away from the press he can be extraordinarily open and laid-back. By a weird fluke, I have two friends who, separately, spent time with him in the 90s and both still talk about his generosity: he took them for rides on his motorbike and stayed in touch (yes, I am furious with them for not including me in any of this). There are legions of stories about Reeves’ kindness: buying his stuntmen motorbikes, renegotiating his Matrix contract so that the crew got a better deal, at a personal cost of millions of dollars. Shortly before we meet, Reeves was on a flight between San Francisco and Los Angeles that was grounded due to a mechanical fault. Instead of pulling rank with some “Do you know who I am?” A-list entitlement, Reeves encouraged his fellow passengers to board a van with him so they could drive to LA, keeping the mood up by sharing fun local facts and playing music from his iPhone. (Needless to say, footage of this quickly went viral.) So his four decades-long reticence with the media might well be Reeves’ most brilliantly sustained performance.

  How we made Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure                                                                                                                                                         Read more                            

But he bristles when I mention these stories. “I’m pretty private, so when that stuff doesn’t stay private it is not great,” he says.

Because he worries it will look like he’s just doing it for show? “No. Because it’s private,” he says with emphasis.

Ah well. I have accepted by this point that we probably won’t ride off together into the sunset on his motorcycle. But if the price of Reeves still being so recognisably Keanu-ish is him retaining a firm grip on his privacy and at least a pretence of normality, that feels like a fair trade-off. I assume doing this interview has been a torturous experience for him, so as we get up to leave I ask how he’d have preferred to spend the afternoon, in a dream scenario.

“Oh, I don’t know. This dream ain’t so bad!” he says, and gives me that full end-of-Speed smile again. And reader, I giggled.

• John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is in cinemas now.

If you would like a comment to be considered for inclusion on Weekend magazine’s letters page in print, please email weekend@theguardian.com, including your name and address (not for publication).

[wellamarke]

Laura’s Choice: An Exploration

My initial reaction to the now-infamous ‘Choice’ scene was abject horror and disgust. I couldn’t believe that Laura, of all people, would sacrifice poor little Sam, after everything she’s done for her supposed belief in synthetic humanity.

For what it’s worth, I still worry it was a bit of a manufactured plot point, but this is Humans, you guys: I’ve never been able to hate anything about it for long. I did try to, in series 2, but both times – with the Mattie/Odi storyline as well as Sophie’s Synthee arc – I managed to talk myself around by writing a good old essay.

So that’s where we’re at now. Rather than berate the scene from a writing angle (because there is a lot of really awful stuff to be considered when taking this scene in the context of the race relations parallel they’ve emphasised so much this year), I’m going to explore Laura’s choice from a character angle. 

In the days since the episode aired I’ve been through numerous emotional states, engaged in many debates, and in general come up with a number of arguments that defend Laura’s decision, not as the right choice objectively, but as something that makes sense for her character. Stay with me.

The first thing we have to decide, I think, is this: what question was Laura actually answering? Anatole says she has to choose somebody to die. But was she really choosing:

1) the person she really thought should die,

2) the person she thought had the best chance of survival, or

3) the option that was mostly likely to resolve the situation?

The DigitalSpy interview with the writers would have you believe it’s the first option, and that Laura genuinely chose “her kind” over “theirs”. I… take issue with that. An alliance in which one ally does not seriously consider the other their equal is not, in fact, an alliance. If Laura seriously chose Sam for that reason alone, then Anatole is in the right, as this excellent Twitter thread points out, and if episodes 7 and 8 somehow confirm that reasoning then I’ll snap straight back to my kneejerk reaction of absolute revulsion.

But even within the first item on the list, there is room for discussion. One point that’s been well made by @TheSynthWhisperer on Twitter is that Laura may honestly, truly think that she considers synths as our absolute equals, and yet still, under fire and the threat of harm to her family, fold at the crucial moment. I don’t want to believe that of her, but I have to admit it’s a possibility. As Mia points out in 3.1, up until now Laura’s devotion to the synths’ cause has not come at any actual cost to herself. Not the kind of cost that counts. Sure, she’ll sacrifice a career, a marriage, those things aren’t anywhere near the scale of say… Sophie. Who’s standing right there in the corner, easy fodder for if Anatole gets mad. Who of us can truly say that we wouldn’t give up our ideals in that situation? I’m sure we’d all love to say “Me!”, but unless you’ve had them questioned in circumstances similar to this one, you’ll never really know. Sorry. 

So that’s one theory, though not my favourite, for Sam being Laura’s honest choice for 1: when it comes down to it, her ideals are not as deeply-held as she’d like them to be. She does possess fears and doubts that she has not yet been able to purge from her soul, however much she’d love to, however much she thought she had.

Is there evidence for this line of thought in Laura’s previous actions? Arguably, yes. Every time I watch the series 2 finale I’m surprised by how determined Laura is that Mattie not upload the consciousness code. She’s the character whose relationship with Mia the show has focused on most, and yet she’s the loudest voice saying “No, this isn’t worth it, don’t do it.” Of course, the two situations are by no means the same, but perhaps there is room to argue that Laura’s ideals are subject to her propensity toward panic, when stakes grow to that kind of height.

The other reasoning for point 1: she wasn’t comparing organic life to synthetic life: she was comparing death. We had this hinted at in episode 5, with Sam’s line, “We don’t die in the same way you do.”

Now, in context, he’s talking about Karen, who we’re just supposed to accept is actually irretrievable, and truly gone (despite the fact that only Joe was there to confirm it, He Who Knows Nothing About Synths, for all I kind of love him now). But let’s look at Sam’s line in relation to the synthetic deaths Laura has witnessed first-hand.

She had braindead Max laid out on her dining-room table for a good while, and then saw the code magically make him good as new. She watched Mia and Hester die and then be miraculously brought back to life, even though Mattie wasn’t there in person to do it. We, the audience, remember the bleaker fates of characters like Karen and Flash, but in terms of the ones Laura has actually seen… synth death seems to be an undoable, tragic-but-not-absolutely-final concept.

So while Sam’s life may seem equal to the old man’s, his death does not. Laura has never seen an organic human return to life the way Max, Mia and Hester did. In the heat of the moment, I can perhaps see her clinging to this reasoning, hoping that somehow they’d be able to restore Sam if he did die. ‘They are as alive as us, but perhaps they’re never as dead as us’ - that kind of thinking.

We know this isn’t true, of course, because we know from the Elster Sisters roadtrip that the code is now offlining of its own accord. But Laura’s grasping at straws here. Whatever she chooses, she has to be able to live with it afterwards. A phonecall to Mattie might do the trick with Sam, whereas it’s not going to do Old McOld any good at all.

But what if Laura wasn’t answering Anatole’s question at face value at all? What if she was trying to make a tactical choice? This brings us to point 2, which I like to call “The Max Factor”.

In 3.1, we saw Max faced with the difficult choice between saving Christabel, a synth we didn’t know (but presumably he did) or preserving Leo, his brother, who we know he truly loves. Max, because he’s been elected leader of the railyard, has to set aside his own feelings and choose to sacrifice the person who is, objectively speaking, in the least danger. Christabel is moments from certain death. Leo has about a one-in-three chance of survival. Numerically, the answer is obvious: he should save Christabel, so he does.

To what extent is Laura’s choice comparable to Max’s? Well, although she doesn’t have a computer brain to tell her the percentages, it’s pretty clear from Laura’s viewpoint that the old man is in more danger than Sam is! We happen to know that Anatole doesn’t mind sacrificing the odd fellow-synth here and there to get his point across (RIP Agnes) but all Laura knows is that he’s a purist who’s asking her to set one species above the other.  Clearly, he favours his own kind, or he wouldn’t be here. Out of the two possible victims, Sam has a higher claim on Anatole’s mercy.

Both Laura and Max choose to sacrifice the person who means the most to them personally, and because of that choice both of them risk losing others who love both victim and decision-maker: Max and Mattie’s friendship (which used to be about hugging on sight, remember) is in tatters, and he gets serious words from his big sisters about it too. Laura is making this choice in the sight of Toby, Sophie and Joe, and we see at least two of them shunning her for it later.

Both Laura and Max choose to save the person who they think needs saving most. And in both cases, nobody ends up dying. So technically, both of their tactical decisions paid off.

There’s another similarity between Max’s choice and Laura’s, though, and this one’s particularly fascinating because it’s actually a difference. Both situations have been orchestrated by Anatole. (Whether this is a particular hobby for Anatole or just something he saw work once and decided to use again… perhaps remains to be seen.)

Max, though, has no reason to suspect that Anatole is playing him. He is content to take Anatole’s word for it that (a) Christabel really is dying, (b) Leo really does have a chance and (c) there is absolutely no other way to save Christabel than to redirect the power from Leo’s ventilator. Sorry, guys, what are these lights doing on? You really couldn’t get power from anywhere else, huh? (And gruesome as it may be, especially since one of them’s Flash, but…  there are at least two synths lying around the place who aren’t using their batteries any more. If Anatole’s such a whizz surgeon, couldn’t he do some transplanting? No?)

Because Anatole seems so trustworthy, and has even built up his apparent reasonableness by acknowledging Max’s mysterious attachment to Leo and expressing regret that it should come to this, Max doesn’t second-guess him at all. Looking back at the scene now, we can see obvious hallmarks of Anatole’s manipulation. In a very dark retrospective twist, we might even suppose that he was the one who ordered Flash’s escorts to desert her in the town, thus leaving Max extra vulnerable. Anatole was the one who’d asked her to go on a supply run without Max’s authorisation, after all.

Laura, on the other hand, is acutely aware that she’s being manipulated. Anatole is not a trusted friend - he’s come into her life as a marked villain. And this takes us on to point 3: was she merely choosing the option that would most likely resolve the situation?

Unlike Max’s choice, Anatole hasn’t even tried to dress this one up as a real life-or-death issue. Nobody has to die. He’s being pretty open about the fact that it’s a question of morality, not medicine. There’s no logical reason for this choice to be made at all – especially since Laura is fighting for synth equality, not synth supremacy. It’s completely and utterly fabricated, and Laura and Anatole both know it.

So what should she do? Argue for a third option, like “neither!” or “take me instead?” Either of those would have been a lovely gesture, and I’m sure we were all thinking it while watching. “Neither” is, ethically, the correct response to the question, and “take me” is the one that seems most like the person we know Laura to be – courageous and compassionate.

But she’s also not stupid! 

Of course she considers this. Come on, now. Of course she thinks about trying to outwit Anatole. She’s a lawyer by trade. She relies on her ability to out-logic her opponent on a day-to-day basis. But how often, in the past, has she faced someone who honestly intends to commit cold-blooded murder in her own living room?

Well, once, actually. 

When Hester paid a visit in 2.8, Laura tried valiantly to talk her down. She did exactly what we’re asking her to do in 3.6. She delivered some series-best dialogue, some really hard-hitting, beautiful lines of logic, and what happened? Did Hester suddenly go, “Oh, you’re right, humans are wonderful! I do apologise, here, have your neck back?”

No. Laura’s attempts to reason with Hester only escalated the situation. Hester went from scarily-but-calmly waiting for Leo to arrive to literally brandishing a weapon in Laura’s face, all because Laura tried to go all lawyery on her.

So, faced with a similar showdown: is Laura going to risk it? Is she really going to try and talk Anatole down? Because let’s remember that with Hester, all Laura had to lose was her own life – they were the only two people present. This time, two of Laura’s children are watching, and so is their father. Wouldn’t it be so much better to end the situation before Anatole gets really mad and starts picking people off? He’s come with a miniature army – what’s to stop each of his lackeys getting hold of a Hawkins throat and pressing down until Laura stops wailing “take me! take me!” and changes her answer to one of the actual options?

Nothing! This is a very scary situation! Anatole is clearly not going to be reasoned with. Were he a reasonable person, he wouldn’t be here asking her to choose a side as a test of equality. Anatole, honey, that’s the literal opposite of what equality is.

Which he obviously knows. Because really it all comes down to that line of his: “You’ve already made your decision”. While Laura quite possibly hasn’t, at this point, done anything of the kind, that line makes it obvious that Anatole doesn’t want to test her, he wants to prove himself right! He doesn’t, for one single instant, think that she is going to do anything but what he’s scripted for her.

So she can’t choose the invisible third option. It’s definitely going to have to be one or the other. All right, so who should Laura choose?

Let’s say she does what we secretly wish she’d done, and picked the old man. For a start, there’s tonnes of horrifying ways that could go down, involving the types of blood geysers that put an end to Helen Aveling and Pete Drummond (RIP, guys). Laura obviously doesn’t want to see that, and she certainly doesn’t want Sophie to witness it.

And since this so clearly isn’t what Anatole wants her to do, even the chance that it’s a bluff might not be enough to save the old man. Imagine, okay, let’s imagine she points a finger and says “Old McOld”. (I really wish they’d given us a name for the sake of this essay, but I see that it was a very artsy decision not to, adds to the whole anonymity vs. familiarity angle, hmm yes very clever)

Laura putting one synth before one human isn’t going to prove SQUAT about humanity in general. (Hester again: “Our existence is meaningless to all but a few out of billions…”) Choosing that option is going to make Anatole angry, because he’s come here to be proved right and he’s damn well going to prove himself right. If Laura tries to make a stand for what (we presume) she actually believes (that Sam’s young life IS more worthy of preservation than the old man’s, by virtue of his greater potential for a future) then Anatole, like Hester before him, is not going to suddenly beam and say, “Thank you, Laura, you’ve shown me the error of my ways.”

He happens to believe Laura won’t practice what she preaches anyway, but even if she, personally, does put Sam first… What, suddenly all humans are fine? No, his whole point is based on Laura being an outlier. So really if she tries to prove him wrong she’s just prolonging the (very dangerous) situation.

Anatole will almost certainly push her to switch for her “true” answer, the one he wants her to go for. Personally, I don’t think he’s even considered what he’ll do if Laura chooses to kill Old McOld, because he’s so sure she won’t, but I can see him having Stanley apply as much pressure as he can, get as close to going through with it as is biologically possible before actually killing Old McOld, to give Laura the longest possible anguish and try and force her to change sides. Anatole claims later that he was bluffing, but I think he was only bluffing so far as he knew what she was going to go for.

On the other hand, if she chooses Sam, then Anatole has made his point. Having manipulated, humiliated and demoralised Laura to the point where her own family can’t even look at her, he doesn’t even need to kill Sam - and as mentioned in point 2, Sam was probably never in that much danger in the hands of a fellow synth, anyway. Choosing Sam is not only the option that is least likely to lead to the death of one of the binary options, it’s also the option that will shut this whole thing down fastest. Remember again that Laura’s family is in the room. One of the lackeys has already made an attempt on Joe’s life. This was never just about saving one of the two people in front of her.

Of course, Laura can’t think any of this out loud, and it’s not a novel so we can’t read her thought process – and, crucially, neither can her family. Like us, they’re looking on in horror but they, themselves, are not the ones being called on to make this choice, so they’re not considering the options as deeply or as quickly as Laura has to. I think she knows full well that they’re going to hate her decision. But having decided that Sam is the most logical choice, she can’t exactly go, “Don’t worry, Soph, I’m sure they won’t actually kill him!”

She could explain it afterwards, of course, but it’s going to sound like making excuses, isn’t it? It’s going to sound weak and defensive, and Laura is anything but weak. So she lets them shun her, she doesn’t shout her reasoning through the door Toby’s just shut in her face, because she understands why he’s feeling like that, why it’s better for Toby and Sophie to grieve about it together before she asks them to see things from her point of view.

Nothing Laura did in that room, from the moment they opened the door to Anatole, was going to make the tiniest difference to Anatole’s hatred of humans – except maybe to heighten it. The safest, most logical thing to do was not to hedge, not to pull the concept apart, but to accept it as the binary choice he demanded and just choose what he wanted her to choose.

Of course, in this case, the safest choice was also the most painful. She runs the risk that Joe and the children will never understand what she did, or that she or one of them will die before a reconciliation – that’s the world they’re living in now. So even though she may have chosen the option that gives her the most peace of mind, it’s not… it’s not a LOT of peace of mind, is it? So of course she leaves her phone and keys and flees into the night.

I started out so angry with her, but I’m coming around to the idea that she really did think this through, and her thought process wasn’t “Sam’s a machine and we aren’t”. I don’t want it to be that. I believe in Laura Hawkins and I always will.

PS. i love debating this subject but please don’t reply to this post with any speculations about episode 7′s Big Ole Death, because I’m trying really hard not to find out beforehand! For once lol 

[notcuddles]

More or Less Non-Spoilery Last Jedi Thoughts

Under a cut still, cause I’m nice

The Good:

Everything you’ve heard about Rose Tico is true.  She is a gift.  A sweet and wonderful character, played wonderfully by Kelly Marie Tran.  At times her character arc is a little frustrating in it’s obviousness, and yet she’s played so genuinely that it works for the most part.  Star Wars has always been a bit heavy-handed, so I can forgive it in her case.

Leia really does get a good send-off.  Her story is not totally done justice, although in part that may be due to the fact that they were expecting to get one more movie that could have wrapped up a lot of the stuff that gets left out.  Still, I enjoyed her scenes.  I desperately want Leia fic now.  I want Leia/Poe and Leia/Amilyn.  I NEED THESE FIC. 

Amilyn Holdo is a wild ride of a character who I liked and then hated and then loved.  I’m not totally satisfied with her role in the film but as a character I really loved her.

Hux is immediately presented as a complete buffoon.  Any remaining mystique the character might have clung to is ruthlessly excised, revealing him for the petty, pathetic loser that he is.  It’s deeply satisfying.    

On a similar vein, anyone expecting “Reylo will become canon” is probably going to be disappointed, so that’s nice too.  It definitely skirts the edge but ya girl Rey ain’t about that life in the end. 

The Frustrating:

Poe is a complete dipshit for most of the film and written like he’s a dude half his age and experience but Oscar Isaac is very attractive so....idk whatever. 

Finn’s role in the film is fairly large but it’s badly written.  The lord giveth and the lord taketh.  It’s really irritating that his character arc is...basically not there.  It’s just his arc from the first movie, rehashed, because I guess someone forgot they’d already done that for him.  His love and dedication to Rey (platonic or romantic) is really fucking sweet though.  They care about each other SO MUCH and I love it.  Also I really like that he’s the subject of a lot of romantic affection in a really affirming and positive way?  Like, that’s really good.  Also his fight with Phasma is pretty great.  I was satisfied. 

Visually it’s somewhere between Force Awakens and the Prequels.  There’s a bit too much CGI nonsense, but it’s not totally bogged down.

Rey’s character arc is just like....I dunno.  I don’t know what they were doing with her. There’s a bunch of scenes that don’t really seem to do anything for her or the plot and it’s just...a mess. 

The Bad:

WHY DO PORGS FLY?  THEY’RE CLEARLY BASED OFF OF PUFFINS AND SMALL AQUATIC BIRDS THAT DON’T FLY.  THEY HAVE TINY WINGS.  WHAT THE FUCK.  IT IS UNREASONABLE.

Anyway, that aside, the plot is FUCKING AWFUL.  Do not believe anyone who says that this movie is Incredibly Great because it’s not. Even by the standards of Star Wars plots, this one is paper thin and poorly executed.  Fully a third of the events that happen are more or less irrelevant due to later developments and what little point they did have could have been better achieve through....I dunno...writing a more coherent story.  Also a lot of plot-points depend on Bad Communication, which is the absolute worst. 

Also the pacing and narrative structure?  Is so bad?  There’s a scene in the middle of the film (you’ll know it when you get there) which so totally eclipses the actual climax of the film that you’ll be flabbergasted.  It puts every other part of the film to shame in terms of emotional and visual impact.  And then there’s more movie!  It’s ridiculous! 

Luke goes back and forth - portions of his stuff are really good.  Unfortunately, the rest is just....Luke Skywalker being a sullen idiot on an island and milking weird alien pinnipeds in a scene that literally no one on earth needed or wanted.  There’s just a lot of time wasted and really it all goes back to the idea that the plot is really thin and weak and everyone is Bad At Communicating.

Kylo Ren’s character arc is....poorly executed. After some reflection, I am satisfied with how it turns out - it more or less runs true to my perception of the character and how he came to be the way he is, as well as his ultimate trajectory in the series - but in terms of emotional impact it falls utterly flat.  Ultimately, the movie wants us to see Luke, Leia, and Han as flawed humans who failed this child who was in their care, but it refuses to allow itself to let go of the golden ideal of the original trio as flawless heroes, so these revelations about their failures carry no narrative weight.  They explain Kylo Ren and then ultimately set the blame for how he came to be the way he is on his shoulders alone even though literally every adult in his childhood let him down or abandoned him when he needed care and guidance.  It’s deeply frustrating because there’s actually a really tragic story there but it’s obscured by its own writing.  I like Kylo Ren as a character (though I detest the fandom perception of him from both people who like him and people who don’t) and find a lot of his backstory to be unfortunately relatable in certain ways, but...he’s not well handled here.  

Snoke is really underwhelming also.  When he’s finally revealed in person he’s a swishy geriatric in gold lamé with half his head caved in.  It’s really not threatening at all and the resolution of his plot line is just exceedingly anti-climactic.  Ultimately, he’s yet another Star Wars villain whose main purpose is to set up another, more central character for Bigger Villainy, but the result is that he himself is just a bad character and the rest of the story doesn’t hold up as a result. 

[ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade]

If you haven’t kept up with my redheaded OC’s escapades, I’d suggest not starting with this particular fic; if you have, well, my sincerest apologies are in order for ripping your guts out through your abdomen and feeding them directly into your mouth.

I don’t know what to say, really, other than this was always the natural conclusion I had in mind for her; there is something about bittersweet endings that seem to last longer in the minds of readers, and I daresay the strategist would never entangle himself with anyone who didn’t know when to leave a party before they overstayed their welcome.

[EDIT: Forgot to add the fic in its entirety under a cut. Graphic depictions of violence ahead, folks, so read on at your own risk.]

"Ready.”  

She can feel the cold bite of wet concrete hard against her kneecaps even through the leather of her raiment trousers; as the muzzle of an Imperial-issued subautomatic rifle hovers near her left temple, the only coherent thought the redhead is able to formulate in that moment is how utterly ridiculous it was of the Citadel to invest in uniforms that weren’t even fully waterproof.

Which is a ludicrous notion to entertain in and of itself, considering the present circumstances; the Magitek army that had infiltrated the royal estate during the peace accord was rounding up every last person on the premise—alive or otherwise—and the redhead is but one of three dozen palace occupants who have been forced to their knees on the front steps of the capital building in the pouring rain in preparation of their imminent execution, Niflheim-style.

The man kneeling beside her and dressed in the robes of a high councilman is sobbing so loudly she can hear his pitiful moans over the sound of raindrops pummeling the pavement. He likely had a front-row seat to Iedolas Aldercapt's treachery, she surmises, although how he even made it out of the signing with his life intact was another mystery entirely, unless he somehow managed to crawl over the dead and dying bodies of his fellow legislators in a desperate attempt to save himself.

Fool, she thinks. No one was ever going to make it out of that throne room alive.

She, on the other hand, might've escaped an untimely fate, had the Six shown more favor toward her; the redhead wasn’t even inside the building when the anarchy began, and was instead trolling the outside perimeter she and a fellow security guard had been assigned to when she first heard the sound of shots being fired. They were immediately caught up in a sea of pure pandemonium—confused staff and civilians alike had swarmed in a hundred different directions like a school of startled fish—and her colleague had twisted an ankle in a failed attempt at herding the human stampede. She was thus left with an impossible decision to make: leave him behind in the chaos, or stay by his side until help arrived.

Ignis would've never left one of his own behind, and neither did she.

Help never did arrive, however, so here she was, prone with her wrists bound and forced to listen to the sniveling of a politician who was likely as much at fault for the death of the king as the role Regis himself played in his own tragic downfall. Her thoughts turn toward the strategist, because what else was left for her to ponder besides the rifle aimed at her head and her own impending sense of doom; she thinks about the few brief moments of happiness she had with him, the passion and ecstasy and torment they shared that both delighted and haunted her each and every time she cried out his name, and of all the moments of happiness that had yet to come to pass. She never even got chance to tell him about her family—personal details were irrelevant within the confines of their agreement—from the parents she hoped were still alive and safe in the north, to the sister who had fallen in love with an Altissian merchant and had absconded with him to Lestallum years prior. No one would ever know what ultimately happened to her, she realizes, although if the whispers she had heard amongst her fellow prisoners on the march to meet the Draconian were true, and that Cor Leonis had indeed somehow made it out of the city alive, he might possibly be able to relay her destiny to bespectacled ears.

But the redhead never told her superior officer about her dalliance with Ignis Scientia, never broke her own promise of keeping their arrangement a secret, not even once; as the rain falls ever harder around her knees, and the cold soaks her nearly to the bone, she fears the strategist might not ever think to ask.

“Aim.”

The blood weeping out of the gash on her forehead she received when she was detained trickles down her cheek and mingles with the crimson locks of hair plastered to her face, but she doesn’t feel the pain; rather, an odd sense of calm envelopes her like a warm blanket as she remembers the last night she spent with him, when he spilled his seed inside of her mere moments after bringing her to her own climax, just as he had done a hundred times before. She wonders if perhaps Ignis had had a premonition, of sorts—it wouldn’t have surprised her in the least to discover the Scientia family line was graced with their own brand of Lucian magic—because it was the only time she could ever recall him being tender toward her in the aftermath of their relations, holding her tightly in his arms and running gentle fingers across her naked belly.

She couldn’t bring herself to tell him she loved him—even though she did, their arrangement be damned—because she thought there’d be time enough later to reconcile her true feelings for him, thought they could sit down objectively and redefine the boundaries of their accord upon his return, and she didn’t want to be a burden on his mind right before he set out on the road to Altissia with his three closest friends. But she’d gifted him a necklace with a pewter skull pendant as a lighthearted joke, teasingly saying it represented his desire for a swift death rather than to be caught wearing anything less that haute-couture fashion.

He’d given her little tangible to show for in return, other than a few pieces of designer lingerie and a plethora of love bites that turned into annoying bruises she’d nearly torn her hair out trying to conceal from more curious observers. But that was enough, she concedes, because the strategist had also given her a glimpse into the side of him few had ever witnessed, and the peace she feels knowing he was wasn’t in the crown city when the chaos ensued helps to stay the grief that threatens to suffocate her. Ignis might very well have gotten her with child, for all she knew—or perhaps the stress of the weeks leading up to the peace talks was simply to blame for the irregularity of her last menstrual cycle—but it doesn’t matter now, because the muzzle of the rifle is pressed hard up against her temple, and tears have begun to flow over the faint smile that touches her lips.  

“Fire.”

They say a person’s life flashes in front of their eyes the instant before death, but she doesn’t recall to mind the memories and milestones of her youth; instead, she sees the faces of the children they will never have together, a vision of a future that will never be.

Then the sharp crack of a bullet being fired pierces the air and enters her skull, and the redhead no longer sees anything at all.

[eponymous-rose]

okay okay okay new list: top ten favorite critical role eps. IN ORDER

This is difficult, holy cow! I thought about defying this post and making a list of my ten least favorite eps, but was tragically unable to come up with ten episodes I disliked so, uh. Probably should’ve seen that coming. Okay, you win, here goes nothing, I’m definitely missing a bunch, this list changes on any give day, etc. etc. etc.

10. Episode 31: Gunpowder Plot. Every now and then, despite its huge cast, the show gets to highlight one-on-one interactions between Matt and a player. Scanlan spends the better part of an hour alone, a single gnome bard trying to navigate an ambush in an enemy stronghold. The process involves turning into a triceratops, defeating a dozen guards, breathing fire, and shoving a goliath off a flaming rooftop in the rain. That sequence is legendary for a reason.

9. Episode 25: Crimson Diplomacy. Mainly the first half, although Kit Buss is wonderful as Lilith and gets more screen time in the latter half. I think this episode kind of jump-started the more serious RPing on the show (which isn’t to say there weren’t great moments earlier!)--for the first time, it felt like it wasn’t so much the players worrying about losing a character as it was the other characters worrying about losing a friend. Vax completely failing to talk his way out of the Briarwoods’ chambers, “Jenga!”, Vex storming in with double natural twenties, “Sylas!” Matt did a phenomenal job juggling the tension in order to make this encounter feel like a difficult situation that was still winnable.

8. Episode 69: Passed Through Fire. I remember seeing a post from somebody who happened upon this episode on Twitch without having seen any of the rest of the show, and they said they were blown away by the emotional extremes in this episode alone. Pretty much everyone was crying, and then pretty much everyone was crying with laughter. There’s also the wonderful letter from Kerrek, VM doing shots, and the start of several RP threads that unravel over the course of the next few episodes. Also, the cliffhanger at the end of this one jumpstarts the endgame in a big way.

7. Episode 57: Duskmeadow. This was a really unexpected episode watching live, because the entire cast had been out doing interviews about CR all day and then came straight from that to this, so it’s a wonder anyone was coherent. And yet, true to form, we get Matt playing a dozen different recurring characters expertly, we get the long-awaited confrontation between Vax and the Raven Queen, we get a bunch of other wonderful character beats, and we get one of the most genuinely startling cliffhangers in the show, with a callback that stretches 36 episodes.

6. Episode 49: A Name Is Earned. The first half is a really archetypal low-risk fight for this show in that it showcases each of the characters’ strengths and weaknesses, often in hilarious ways--Keyleth accidentally disarming a trap, Percy attempting to hit someone with a lance and finally giving up and just shooting him, Vax stealthing by sinking into the snow up to the tips of his ears, Vex sending Trinket barrelling out as a cannonball. It’s a good time. And the sphinx’s puzzle is wonderfully fun and just complicated enough to keep everyone guessing--on rewatching, it’s great to see how Matt manages to drop hints without being too obvious about it. And, of course, the utterly heartbreaking moment where the whole Craven Edge arc comes to a head with Grog accidentally hurting Pike... oh man. So good.

5. Episode 63: The Echo Tree. The climax of the Feywild arc wound up being the payoff for a lot of character beats for Vex, and I’m not sure there’s been a villain who so easily and immediately got to the root of a character’s insecurities. Matt having this baddie incorporate the details of a short story that Laura wrote about Vex was vicious. It’s also so impressive that he was able to create a character who immediately brought up all of Vex’s insecurities and worries about putting her friends in danger, about being cruel and unwanted and never belonging, and there’s still that horrible guilt when she finally does fire on him. The sequence between Vex and Sondur is phenomenal.

4. Episodes 43/44: Return to Vasselheim/The Sunken Tomb. I’m counting this one as a two-parter because it features the same guest stars and makes up a pretty coherent little standalone. Absolute goofiness with amazingly funny little interpersonal moments between party members, guests, and NPCs; I’m a big fan of any time we get to see VM from an outsider’s perspective, and Zahra and Kash’s perspective is just the right mix of fond and sardonic. We get an oddly sweet after-school-special Grog moment, we get a beholder fight... and then we get everything going just unfathomably wrong in the last thirty minutes, completely out of nowhere. Half the party’s character arcs shifted permanently because of one failed saving throw.

3. Episode 89: Curious Tides. There aren’t a lot of recent episodes on this list, just because I generally only get to watch ‘em live and so they kind of all blur together and it becomes tough to remember specific episodes. But this one stood out. Any episode that can balance the extreme of a ritual that involves promising one god you’ll dedicate your life to killing another with the extreme of a well-meaning robot sketching the entire party while they’re sleeping? It’s a good time. Intense foreshadowing of some of the plot to come alongside hilarious (and wonderfully soothing) downtime shenanigans.

2. Episode 40: Desperate Measures. The completely world-shattering shift in the previous episode was startling enough, but it’s a testament to the RPing chops of the players and DM that they took the time to carefully play out the consequences of that change. What do you do when all the major population centers are being destroyed and any attempts to fight back are squashed? How far are you willing to go for a slim chance to instantly reverse what was done? Everyone in this episode is hurting and confused and frightened, and that comes across so well in the ways they lash out at each other. Despite the absolute crushing bleakness of the situation, this episode lays the groundwork for the emotional and plot-related beats of the next fifty episodes in the form of a tattered, piecemeal sort of hope.

1. Episode 52: The Kill Box. It’s one big battle, it should by rights drag out, but it’s so good. Every single member of the cast is so invested (Travis: “I can feel my heartbeat in my face...”), and it isn’t often that the party manages to catch Matt off-guard in a combat situation, but in this episode they just keep managing to surprise him again and again and again. And even their clever strategizing wouldn’t have been enough to save the entire party from the very real threat of a wipe once things start going sideways, if it weren’t for an absurd series of natural twenties to save the day. There have been a lot of mega-epic battles on this show since then, but none have hit this absolutely unreal combination of strategy and luck. This is the game-y part of the show at its absolute best.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

So I am woefully behind on my dash and thus all The Best Blogs such as your own, but please tell me: What were your thoughts about Twin Suns? Please feel free to refer me to a post if you already made one.

*blushes* Thank you! And sorry for taking so long to reply to this! Apparently I had even more thoughts on “Twin Suns” than I’d initially thought.

Rebels 3x20: “Twin Suns” has its weaknesses, but I really enjoyed it overall. As you may be aware, I’m a fan of Obi-Wan (yes, yes, I know, ~shock~), so I spent pretty much the entire time I watched the episode clapping my hands in glee (albeit softly, so as not to drown out what was happening) because Obi-Wan was on my screen again. I mean, you’re talking to the person who gets excited every time canon makes the slightest of oblique references to him, so…¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’ve also always been All About Those Parallels™ and this episode abounds with them. The most obvious, of course, are the ones that mirror Qui-Gon’s death sequence in TPM, and I found this fitting for several reasons. First and foremost, I love it because it brings Maul and Obi-Wan’s story full circle. By setting their fight amidst the desolate sand dunes of Tatooine, Obi-Wan and Maul meet for the last time where the audience met Maul for the first time – something which the show explicitly underlines in 3x10: “Visions and Voices: “it ends where it begun… a desert planet… with twin suns”. (In fact, for all we know, the setting of Obi-Wan and Maul’s final encounter might even be somewhere in the Xelric Draw, which, according to Legends canon, is where Qui-Gon and Maul first met and fought. If you look at this map, you’ll notice that the Xelric Draw covers a wide swath of the space between Obi-Wan’s hut and Mos Espa, so it’s not improbable that Obi-Wan might travel there by dewback.)

In contrast to our introduction to Maul, however, which took place under the heat of a midday sun, our last glimpse of him takes place at night under the stars; Obi-Wan and Maul are at the end of their journey together and so – ostensibly, anyway! – are Maul and the audience.

Just as day and night contrast, so too do Obi-Wan and Maul, both when compared to their younger selves and when compared to each other. Both characters have gone through enumerable events in the three decades since they first met one another, all of which have shaped them… but at the end of the day, Obi-Wan has grown and changed in a way that Maul hasn’t. One of the first things Maul says in TPM is the following: ”At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.“ And at the end of “Twin Suns”, his last line is “He…will…avenge us.”

For all that Maul scolded Ezra about refusing to break free from the chains of his past in “Visions and Voices”, Maul is still focused on revenge – still focused on Obi-Wan; in the end, it’s all he has left to give his life purpose. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, has moved on from their grudge match and is focused on the future – on Luke. He is no longer the hot-headed padawan or the crusading knight that Maul knew; he is a guardian, and thus it is only when Luke is threatened that Obi-Wan deigns to fights Maul. Luke is, after all, Obi-Wan’s sole remaining tie to Anakin, his sole remaining purpose for existing… and seemingly his sole remaining hope for a better future.

At the same time, however, the two characters have a great deal in common. Obi-Wan and Maul have always been foils to one another. Both are Force Sensitive children who were taken and raised by their respective Orders, thus setting their feet on the paths to their respective destinies. Both had brothers that were destroyed by Sidious’ machinations and both are deeply lonely as a result. Now, both are relics of a past that has already passed into legend for most of the galaxy; they are old men who have no place in this new world – this new Empire – and have consequently been hiding in exile for the past seventeen years. Obi-Wan has long been aware that they have some commonalities (see some of his comments in TCW 5x16: “The Lawless”) and I think Maul is aware too… he just refuses to acknowledge as much until he’s dying. (Honestly, I’ve always gotten the impression that he’s subconsciously a bit jealous of Obi-Wan and that that is one of the roots of his resentment towards him, but that’s a conversation for another day.)

“He…will…avenge us,” Maul says with his dying breath. Us. Although they belong to very different traditions and have made very different choices, Maul tacitly acknowledges that at the end of the day, they both belong to a way that has vanished, and that this experience bonds them together. It is my personal opinion that both men are tired of fighting by this point – it’s simply that Maul doesn’t know any other way. He seeks out Obi-Wan because it gives his life renewed purpose, and he fights Obi-Wan because that is what he has always done. No matter which of them wins the fight, Maul gets what he wants – either the defeat of his nemesis or a release from his own suffering.  

In a sense, Maul has been occupying a liminal space between life and death ever since Obi-Wan cut him in half in TPM. When we first re-meet him in TCW 4x21: “Brothers”, Maul is emaciated and utterly deranged. As TCW progresses, Maul regains some of his sanity and ambition – and his brother! – only to lose them again. At this point in Rebels, just as when Oppress first found him in TCW, Maul has lost all sense of self and purpose, his own spite and a burning desire for revenge against Obi-Wan (and Sidious) the only things keeping him alive. He lacks hope.

Fortunately for Maul, Obi-Wan is heavily associated with hope in Star Wars; does “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope” ring any bells? ;-)  That said, Obi-Wan is associated with sorrow as much as he is with hope. Perhaps nowhere is this peculiar combination encapsulated as well as in that oft-quoted excerpt from James Luceno’s Legends novel, Labyrinth of Evil: “And you, Master. What does your heart tell you you’re meant for?”“Infinite sadness,” Obi-Wan said, even while smiling.”

We see this theme repeatedly play out in Rebels. The two most blatant examples of Obi-Wan being linked with sorrow are when Maul uses Ezra’s suffering to lure Obi-Wan out of hiding (“Your pain, your sorrow… it calls to him”) and portions of Obi-Wan’s holocron message (“I regret to report that both our Jedi Order and the Republic have fallen, with a dark shadow of the Empire rising to take their place […] Do not return to the Temple…that time has passed.”). Meanwhile, Obi-Wan repeatedly acts as an embodiment of hope for at least three of our main characters: Kanan (“This message is a warning and a reminder for any surviving Jedi. Trust in The Force […] we must persevere. And in time, a new hope will emerge. May the Force be with you, always.”), Maul (“As for myself, I seek something much simpler, yet equally elusive… Hope. […] I see him! […] He lives!”), and Ezra (“The answer to my question of how to destroy the Sith is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”).

Obi-Wan’s sorrow and hope both come to the forefront during his brief appearance in this episode. Maul’s unnecessary death is tragic in and of itself to Obi-Wan, but the way in which it mirrors Qui-Gon’s death and the fight that preceded it only adds to the pain he feels. And although he undoubtedly has hope for Ezra and the Rebellion after safely seeing the boy off (just look at the faint smile on his face before Maul starts to speak again), there’s something incredibly sad about his parting words to Ezra: “That is your way out. Your way home.” Obi-Wan can’t go home anymore – his home no longer exists. Yet still he clings to hope.

“Look what I have risen above,” Obi-Wan says in response to Maul’s taunting. And that’s Obi-Wan in a nutshell, isn’t it? He’s far from perfect, but despite all the blows life has dealt him, he perseveres and continues to choose the Light. In their previous confrontation in “The Lawless”, he told Maul, “You can kill me, but you will never destroy me”, and this holds true throughout Obi-Wan’s life and beyond. Obi-Wan is sorrow, yes, but he is also hope – and although hope can be shattered, it rises anew from the wreckage each time, a phoenix from the ashes. And hope is indeed “more powerful than you can possibly imagine”.

A related recurring Star Wars theme found in “Twin Suns” is that ‘it’s always darkest before dawn’. It is only after Ezra has given up on finding Obi-Wan, collapsing of heatstroke/dehydration/exhaustion next to a powered-down Chopper, that he achieves his objective. Although Maul dies, he does so with a glimmer of hope that the “Chosen One” will balance the cosmic scales. One might even call it a new hope. ;-) Meanwhile, we literally see this theme played out at the end of the episode, with the dark night fading away into pale morning mist, Tatooine’s twin suns hanging partway up in the sky as Beru calls for Luke (presumably to come back in for breakfast?), the titular new hope.

Speaking of the Chosen One… Ughhh, I’ve hated that prophecy ever since it first popped up in TPM. Can I believe that several key individuals in-universe bought into said prophecy? Absolutely. But honestly, “bring balance to the Force”? I know prophecies are always vague and therefore can be interpreted twelve thousand different ways, but come on. This ties into Star Wars’ problem where it can’t quite make up its mind as to what the Force is, let alone what the Light and Dark sides of it mean or what “balance” would look like. One could argue that we’re not supposed to understand it any more than the characters do – all of whom having differing beliefs on the subject – but I personally think it’s sloppy storytelling rather than an artistic choice. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if TLJ clears any of this up.

…But I’ve gotten off-topic here. The Chosen One. *sighs* Up until TCW’s Mortis arc, I was happy to believe that the prophecy was only true insofar as characters’ perceptions of and reactions to it, but TCW more or less put paid to that when it had literal manifestations of the Force declare Anakin the Chosen One. I can still headcanon my way around that, but I’m pretty sure the canonical intention is for the prophecy to be a legitimate thing. So, working from that interpretation…

I know there’s been a lot of debate post “Twin Suns” about the implications of Obi-Wan’s statement that Luke is the Chosen One – does this mean that Anakin was never the Chosen One in the first place? does this mean that there’s more than one Chosen One? – but I think a lot of viewers are overlooking the simplest explanation, which is that although Obi-Wan may believe that Luke could be the Chosen One, it doesn’t necessarily follow that he is the Chosen One.

Obi-Wan canonically places a great deal of hope – and pressure! – on Luke’s shoulders throughout the Original Trilogy, so a belief that Luke is the Chosen One would dovetail nicely with that behavior. For instance, with that belief in mind, his comment to Luke in RotJ takes on a new meaning: “Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope”. This complete and utter focus on Luke to the exclusion of Leia would make a bit more sense if Obi-Wan sincerely believes that Luke is the true Chosen One. (Though that still doesn’t answer the question why Obi-Wan would think Luke must be the Chosen One rather than Leia. *rolls eyes*) Moreover, it is makes sense that Obi-Wan would no longer believe that Anakin/Vader is the Chosen One. By the time we reach the Original Trilogy, Obi-Wan appears to have given up on Anakin. In his mind, the moment that “the good man who was” Anakin turned to the Dark Side, Darth Vader “betrayed and murdered” him. In Obi-Wan’s mind, submerging the galaxy into darkness is incompatible with bringing “balance to the Force” a la the Chosen One prophecy; therefore, Anakin either lost his status as the Chosen One when he became a Sith or he was never truly the Chosen One to begin with.

Another possibility is that Obi-Wan, master of “half-truths and hyperbole” as he is, is merely trying to give a dying Maul some form of comfort and hope. After all, he never outright says that Luke is the Chosen One – his reply of “he is” in answer to Maul’s question (“Is he the Chosen One?”) certain implies that he’s referring to the person he’s all but admitted to protecting (i.e. Luke), but we all know that Obi-Wan sometimes has a casual relationship with the truth, especially when he thinks his obfuscation will serve a greater good.  It would be just like Obi-Wan to intentionally give a vague reply that he knows someone will read an incorrect message into; after all, it’s not like he’s lying… And ironically enough, this is another way in which Obi-Wan parallels Maul. Obi-Wan’s line to Ezra that Maul “used your desire to do good to deceive you” and “manipulated the truth” could just as easily apply to himself, what with his “the truth is often what we make of it” and “from a certain point of view” way of looking at the world.

But honestly, I couldn’t care less who is or isn’t the prophesied Chosen One. It’s been a recurring theme in the prequels and animated TV series, but thus far it has yet to significantly affect the story (except insofar as it affects the characters, who in turn influence the plot – but most of this is implied rather than shown outright onscreen).

The audience sees “Twin Suns” through Ezra’s and Maul’s eyes, and both of them are lost – figuratively and literally – throughout most of the episode. From a narrative standpoint, perhaps this is why so much of the episode’s time is spent focused on them wandering in the desert. Both characters are searching for Obi-Wan in hopes that he will be the solution to their respective problems… failing to recognize that those solutions can only be found within themselves. On a personal level, I’m a bit unsatisfied by how much of the episode is wasted on Maul and Ezra’s wanderings, but I can acknowledge its merits on a meta-narrative level. Perhaps we’re supposed to feel frustrated and as though something is incomplete, just as Maul and Ezra do… or perhaps I’m giving the Rebels writers way too much credit.

Of course, no discussion of this episode would be complete without examining Ezra’s role in the story. “Twin Suns” acts as a metaphor for Ezra’s inner journey every bit as much as it does Maul’s. While their futures may indeed “converge on a planet with twin suns” as Maul claimed in “Visions and Voices”, Ezra does not choose to “walk that path together” with Maul. Ezra certainly has his attachments, but unlike Maul, he isn’t so married to the past as to be irrevocably trapped in it.

“What else can we do?” Ezra says in response to Chopper’s grumbling after their ship is destroyed, leaving them stranded in the middle of the desert. “We have to go forward.” And that’s what this episode is about for Ezra, really – learning to move forward again… and learning to accept that he already has everything he needs in order to do so. 

A few more random thoughts before I (finally) end this:

•   Chopper’s slump and resigned sigh before turning around to go after Ezra like his babysitter will never not be hilarious to me.

•   Chopper goes from being powered-down and sand-logged in one scene to awake and alert in the next. The only possible conclusion? Obi-Wan must have fixed him while Ezra was sleeping. And later, Obi-Wan pats Chopper while talking to Ezra; that’s practically a declaration of friendship coming from him! It makes you wonder what kind of conversation they had before Ezra woke up… (That would explain how Obi-Wan knew Ezra’s full name, though, if Chopper told him.) …I kind of want that missing scene in a fic now.

•   “You saw what you wanted to see, believed what you wanted to believe,” Obi-Wan tells Ezra of the combined holocrons’ message. Going off of what I said earlier about Obi-Wan possibly misleading Maul, I can’t help but wonder if he’s doing the same thing to Ezra here. I mean, Obi-Wan is obviously trying to get Ezra to not delve into the subject any further and to leave Tatooine before he learns about Luke (and, y’know, to protect him from Maul), but part of me wonders if there’s anything more to it – the same part of me that wonders if the holocrons had a point beyond the obvious (and, if we’re being honest here, author intended) interpretation. Not to take anything away from Luke, but I’d love to see a fic that runs with an AU interpretation of the holcrons’ message. 

•   I had had some doubts when I first heard him in the episode promo, but I after watching “Twin Suns”, I have to admit that Stephen Stanton did an excellent Alec-Guiness-as-Ben-Kenobi impersonation in this episode. Kudos to him and to the writing staff for nailing the character’s speech patterns a la ANH.

•   I’m just as glad to see Maul finally gone (well, ostensibly anyway!), but I’m also glad that he was able to find some small measure of peace on his proverbial deathbed. He was dealt a truly terrible hand in life, and although he inflicted suffering on so many beings, you can’t help but feel sorry for him.

•  “That is not your responsibility. I will heal this old wound.” Other fans have doubtless already commented on this Easter Egg, but it’s still worth a gleeful mention.

•   Responsibility is another theme that runs throughout “Twin Suns”. I got the impression that we’re supposed to think Ezra is initially trying to foist the primary responsibility for destroying the Sith off on someone else, someone older and more qualified (hence his search for Obi-Wan) and that he eventually learns to take responsibility for fighting evil himself. I disagree with that reading– I’d argue that Ezra’s narrative arc has been more about learning to be able to depend on others, as he’d had stand on his own two feet for years before he met the Ghost crew. Moreover, while of course the Rebellion doesn’t need to wait around for mystical saviors in the form of Jedi (nor should they!), that doesn’t mean that the adult Jedi – namely Obi-Wan, Yoda, and any other Councillors who might have survived – have no responsibility to the Rebellion, either. The rise of the Empire was by no means solely their fault, but like many, they did help to enable it… and therefore the responsibility for destroying it also partially rests with them. The problem, of course, is that this isn’t their sole responsibility to the galaxy, and so they have to choose which responsibilities to prioritize. In the end, they deem the survival of the Jedi (through themselves and Luke) and the protection of someone powerful enough to eventually bring about the demise of the Sith (once again, Luke) to be more important than any individual strikes they could make against the Empire on their own. Are they correct in their decision? Well, that depends upon your point of view.

•  You can definitely see the moment where Obi-Wan goes from a calm refusal to fight – even amusement – to Must Protect Luke At All Costs™. Similarly, you can see the moment when he recognizes the move Maul is making and adjusts his stance accordingly. Some very nice animation work here from the creators!

•   Some fans find the shortness of Maul and Obi-Wan’s final duel to be unsatisfying and unrealistic, while other fans think that the duel’s speed and anticlimactic nature are the whole point. I… don’t particularly care, tbh? I can see both sides. That said, I do think that they should have shown Obi-Wan’s lightsaber making contact with Maul’s saber-staff and chest for more than half of a second in the dark; on my first watch-through, I didn’t realize that he’d actually hit Maul until Maul was dead. I was so confused… and I know I’m not the only viewer to have had this problem.

•  I love the strange sense of kinship that’s evoked between Maul and Obi-Wan as he lays dying. And the way Obi-Wan cradles Maul and gently closes his eyes kills me every time.

•  Why, precisely, is Ezra so sure that Maul is dead when he left before the Big Showdown™? Does he just have that much faith in Obi-Wan? Did the Force tell him as much? Personally, I’m rooting for someone to write a crack fic where Obi-Wan comms him mid-flight through something he installed in Chopper or something and tells him, leading to a wacky correspondence. (Utmost secrecy and security risks? What utmost secrecy and security risks?)

•  I was slightly disappointed not to get any more of Luke than his silhouette (well, Ezra’s silhouette, if we’re going to be technical lol – Rebels re-used footage of Ezra to save time & money) in the closing scene, but I also thought it was kind of fitting. The closer we get to the timeline of ANH, the stronger Luke’s shadow looms over Rebels, after all.

•  The closing scene in general!!! I get chills each time I watch it. It really ties “The Journals of Ben Kenobi”, the Rebels series, and ANH together nicely. All we needed was for Obi-Wan’s bantha family to make an appearance… ;-)

•   As much as I loved “Twin Suns”, I think it would have worked better if they’d cut just a smidgeon of the ‘wandering in the desert’ bits and used that extra time to 1. Show a point in Obi-Wan and Ezra’s conversation where Obi-Wan gets Ezra to promise not to tell anyone that he’s still alive and on Tatooine, or 2. Shown us Kanan’s reaction to learning that Obi-Wan is still alive… and is hiding on a backwater planet instead of searching for remaining Jedi and/or helping the Rebellion (I’d love to see the other characters’ reactions to this news too, but Kanan’s reaction is the one that is most important thematically), or 3. Use their original draft’s plotline, which involved Ezra and Kanan going to Tatooine instead of Ezra and Chopper. This last scenario would have the added benefit of more narrative ‘showing’ than ‘telling’ when it comes to Kanan’s reaction, and it would allow for further streamlining of the episode, as TPTB could then cut out most of the scenes with the rest of the Ghost crew (which, although enjoyable, split the audience’s focus in an undesirable way in this episode, IMO, even if they did act as nice bookends). Any of these options would have made for a much tighter, less rushed, more coherent, and more satisfying episode.

All criticisms and analyses aside, I really liked “Twin Suns”. Although it’s enriched by knowledge of previous Rebels episodes, it can stand on its own. I’d say it’s definitely among the best work Rebels has produced and is a worthy addition to new Star Wars canon.

[it-costs-an-arm-and-a-leg]

Fullmetal Alchemist Essay

This is an essay I wrote for some followers of my cosplay account that challenged me. (This is directly copy and pasted from google docs) (heads up, I suck at writing) (This essay is referring to “Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood” (2009) not the original anime (2003) that diverged from the manga) Fullmetal Alchemist is, and will likely stay, my favorite show. It's so absolutely amazing because I believe alongside being just a generally “cool” anime, it is applicable to today's world. I'll start with why the show itself is just amazing. The plot is a continuously moving story. They have a problem, they solve it and continue. You can never be bored with new plot points and new mysteries nearly every episode. And the way it all fits together leaves you feeling satisfied. The protagonists have an actually really engaging backstory. Their motivation isn't a common anime trope but actually complex and touching and makes you want to support them non stop. You want to see the conclusion and not drop the show just in order to see how the boys turn out. The antagonists are also interesting, all with different motivations and ideals. Each antagonist also has a deep backstory. The villains aren't like sailor moons where they just appear then get beaten then leave with no explanation. The villains in fma have motivations that are intriguing and add to the plot line. Also, the antagonists are super intimidating, not just to the characters but to the audience. Every scene one of them is in is extremely tense. The world the show is set in is also amazing. It's not quite fantasy or sci fi, but still is a not real setting that has magic and such. But the magic has rules and characters never suddenly manifest abilities never seen before without a logical foreshadowed reasoning. And the rules and story behind the “magic” is interesting and not just pulled out of the writers rear end. The writing is thoughtful done. It can have tragic back stories and series scenes but manage to keep it light hearted without forcing it. They don't try to make it happy or too dark for no reason. The show has actual mastered transitions from series to funny, its amazing how well they creates can do it. The author is not afraid to kill of characters, even important ones. But they wont do it just to do it. Every death has meaning and is important to the story and journey. They also don't force any relationships. There is no these people are pining or this is a love triangle nonsense unless its thought out and established (although i personally don't ship the top 2 canon ships, but that's just my gay ass) Even side characters are well thought out. Everything isn't his series is well thought out, meaningful, and important to the plot. The ending(THE ENDING OH MY GOD) is amazing. It all wraps up so perfectly. Everything is addressed. You are left satisfied. Yes you want more because it's just an amazing series, butt you are left content knowing how everything ends. Now, why is this show applicable to today. Lets start with the awesome use of female characters. Half the list of characters are female and nearly all of them are utterly bad ass. (I would sell my soul to get stepped on by some of these women). They are all able to take care of themselves and don't need a man to dictate thier lives. Even if they have a boyfriend or husband, they don't rely on them in a weak damsel way. They present any midwifery as awesome. (I love you izumi, be my mom.) Gender norms simply don't exists in this universe. Huge muscle men are filled with emotion and aren't shamed for it. Women with long hair and a gorgeous body will slice any one in half they don't find worthy. I live it! (Plus the absolutely astonishingly amazing author (that alliteration tho) is a woman!). The series also touches on race, genocide, and war from both sides of the conflict. They talk of how racism affects people and emotions and actions related to genocide. It really comments on modern day america conflicts, despite being written in 2002 Japan by a farmer. IN CONCLUSION, you gotta fucking read or watch this because holy heck it is a goddamn masterpiece. WATCH IT OR ILL FITE. (Also cosplay it with me, because I crave that fma cosplay group.) Nora (2017) (mystupid.cosplays) (Authors note, you could watch this entire show just for roy mustang. He is my heart and soul. I love that man)

[reallifeblogthings-blog]

COMM 3P18 Blog #3

Welcome to my last and final blog… at least for this class. I like to think the best for last, because these topics had me thinking about what is really going on on social media, and why? How digitization and convergence shape new media, as well as what is important to the audience in terms of both enjoyment and experience.

While reading The Influences of Sports Viewing Conditions on Enjoyment from Watching Televised Sports I could relate to multiple aspects of the perception of presence. In the article, perception of presence was defined as “the phenomenon in which an individual develops a sense of being physically present at a remote location through interaction with media”, as someone who watches a lot of mediated sports, I am able to relate to that feeling of being involved in such a way (Kim, Pg.392). Specifically, I related to immersion which is “the degree to which an individual feels involved in a particular experience and is caught up in the presentation of the media” (Kim, Pg.392). I believe that immersion can be anywhere, watching a sports game at any time. I also believe that immersion can happen at a real-life event due to the way a game is presented with media. For example, each year my friend Cassidy and I would buy each other birthday presents, as most would. During the summer I bought her Bluejays tickets because she loves baseball, and in November she bought be Raptors tickets because I love basketball. Neither of us liked the other sport, but of course, we went together to each event because we knew, either way, we would have a good time together. After reading about immersion, I couldn't help but think back to the time we went to both games, specifically the Raptors game. Screens everywhere, big flashing lights, loud announcers, all part of the experience of going to an event live. I found myself becoming more rowdy then I would watch the weekly games in my living room, and I believe this was due to all the media that was used throughout the game to create a greater audience experience. Now only was I becoming a true rowdy fan, my friend Cassidy was just as into it as I was. Thinking back to that memory, I always thought it was so strange she had so much fun cheering for a team she doesn't even follow. Although, I then thought about the atmosphere and the media that creates such a particular experience almost forcing one to become a fan. The big bright lights, large screens making you feel closer to the court than you truly are, and the loud voices of announcers heard across the stadium. These tools of media presented an experience for Cassidy that would draw her in to become a fan. I believe her immersion, was at a high degree, creating a fun experience she wasn't expecting from a basketball game.

During class and seminar, I had quite the throwback to my elementary and early high school years. I remember being so “in love” with celebrities, trying to always see what they were up to and follow their every move. I started to think about the continuum of a fandom and realized I’ve reached each level. I truly believe most people have, as Sullivan explains “We are all fans of something in today’s media-saturated environment, which makes the cultural and sociological study of fandom all the more important for understanding media audiences” (Sullivan, pg.195). Firstly a consumer, simply put as one who consumes the media content. This could be done by watching a sports event, reading tweets, or maybe watching a movie. Specifically, I believe I am only a consumer when it comes to movies. Unlike others, I never had much of an obsession when it comes to Harry Potter, or like the example of the super fan in class Star Trek. Therefore, since I've still seen them I could classify just as a consumer. Secondly, I also believe I am an enthusiast. For example, when I go to concerts, specifically this summer at All American Rejects, I went to watch them perform. Not only this I ended up buying one or their merchandise t-shirts, even so, but I would also call myself anything more than an enthusiast because I never find myself following their every move, not even following them on twitter... I don’t think they would be very funny. To be a fan is to be a fan of one's content, following them, cheering for them. Currently, I wouldn't consider myself a fan of anyone, but in high school, I was a big fan .. yep I’m gonna say it (DONT JUDGE ME) Justin Bieber. Now I wasn’t crazy, but I definitely kept up to date with his life, would watch live performances, and follow him on all social media. Lastly, the producer, the least favorite person out of the four. I was a producer when I was MUCH younger and was obsessed One Direction (double whammy ... I know). My friends and I all had fan accounts on Twitter, which was strictly to tweet about them, and only them. I definitely would have considered my group of friends super fans, there was a point where One Direction was truly the only thing we talked about. Thus, showing even though I’m not so proud of it, in my life and I think more people than who really know it, have hit each stage of the continuum of a fandom after all “the category of ‘fan’ has dramatically expanded as a result of the even smaller niche media products and platforms available today” (Sullivan, pg.195). 

After reading about Rebecca Black’s ‘It’s Friday’ video that went viral a few years ago. I truly couldn't help but laugh, mainly because I remember when that video first went viral and circulated around the school, it seemed as though every single person knew about it. Yet, I always wondered why such a terrible video and song became so popular? Even as the texts stated critics hated it as well… Although as Sullivan stated “unknown artists can create their own cultural materials and circulate them to millions of people at a time via the web, effectively bypassing the institutional gatekeepers in the traditional media” (Sullivan, pg. 214). I found this extremely interesting because it’s true… It’s so simple nowadays to make a terrible music video or post a wild photo that critics and most of the public would utterly hate, yet it would go viral! I believe due to the user-generated content such as twitter, facebook, and youtube, it becomes so simple to widespread information at such a fast pace. On the other hand, I also believe the reason it's much easier for content to go viral is partly due to the participatory culture that youtube brings to its viewers. Youtube allows users to talk to one another about the videos, to comment on each others posts, and even respond to them. Just looking at figure 9.1 on page 221 in Sullivan, youtube’s content is 50% user-generated. For an example of my own, I constantly find myself time and time again watching videos that have little to no meaning for self. Why’s this? Well scrolling through Twitter, something has gone viral, scrolling through Facebook, videos shared over and over again. I can’t stop myself from clicking to see what the fuss is all about, and that’s exactly why I end up on Youtube in the first place. But, what makes me stay is being able to look at what others think, seeing what they comment, how many views it gets, and even related videos that pop up with it. If these factors were not part of youtube, there is absolutely no chance it would have been successful as it is. Which is also the reason Instagram and Twitter have become increasingly popular as well.

During the reading Framing News in 140 Characters, I was really intrigued by the basis of the frames from both generic and issue-specific frames. Generic frames meaning they “are broad and structural themes and are limited to conflict, human interest, economic impact, responsibility and morality” (Wasike, pg.9). Issue-specific frames meaning they “are flexible and vary depending on the content being analyzed and they change based on the topic under study and the prevailing context” (Wasike, pg. 9). I mostly found it interesting when the author spoke about studies not specifically using the framing theory, but still found that it does exist in its findings. It truly made me think about what was circulating on twitter now, what news was at the top of the feed due to importance. Currently, the California fires had been circulating, not only on the news but it was literally all over my twitter! I thought for a second that this was odd but it certainly brought me in to read more about it. As I was reading I saw celebrity house after celebrity house after celebrity house, and no wonder, most celebrity issues are the ones that circulate most on twitter. It then made a lot more sense. The generic frames used in the theory that were favored were conflict, human interest, technology, and economic consequence. Why does this matter?… well, what sparks more human interest than a celebrity who is in distress over their house being burnt down?  It circulated twitter so much because it was someone who was famous, who tweeted photos and it thus, sparked human interest rather than some random person who would have tweeted about it. At the end after all who would want to read about someone who is really suffering and truly lost everything and probably has no place to go? Or even dying animals losing their homes? NO, what’s important is the celebrities who have hundreds of fans waiting for something ever so tragic to happen to them, so they can then tweet back and let them know the support they are giving.

Chapter 9, had a lot of important aspects of how new media shapes and differs every time something changes. Yet, I believe the more important topics that were talked about were the convergence of such media technologies and the digitization of all media. As said in class, we as an audience have a massive power when it comes to media now, just as the magazine Time also knew when putting the person of the year as ‘us’. Not only this But audiences have gained so much power that we overwhelm the producers. Considering we have such niche markets, there is so many smaller groups that ask for so much at the same time, and how could anyone keep up with that? I found it interesting that quite a few YouTubers are one by one taking time away from posting videos for subscribers due to being overwhelmed. So I got to thinking during class (weird, I know), but, when Jenn asked “are you happy? Does digital technology make you feel good? And who has the power?”  I really questioned a lot of media technologies that I use. What uses do I get from them? Are they keeping me entertained... Well yes, of course. But, am I happy with how I’m spending my time, watching things I don't even want to watch, not really. But in the end, I do believe that the audience holds the power, they have shut down corporations, and even taken away the middleman. 

But that’s enough deep thoughts about audience studies for now. Thanks for tuning in :)

-Kim Parker