#although in this case quite a bit less romantic

[dol-dee]

Have you no idea that you're in deep? I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week

[fqirysim]

untitled--

genre(s): angst, some fluff at the end, exes to best friends to lovers, highschool au, lowercase intended, lots of pov changes

requested: nope !

pairing(s): yang jungwon x reader, ft. yuna (itzy), and intak (p1h)

word count: 7.2k (my longest fic yet ! ) 

warning(s): cursing, underage drinking, a tiny bit of infidelity 

synopsis: you had been in love with yang jungwon since the day you met him. 

note: lowercase is intended, lots of pov changes! (read carefully so you don’t get confused lol). this took me a year to make PLEASE don't judge too harshly i put my heart and soul into this 😭. took me a year to make but could not come up with a title for the life of me, hence why it is called untitled, silly silly me. this was really fun to make though and although it took me a while to make, i'm very proud of it. lmk if you want to be added to my taglist and i will gladly do so !! special thanks to my bestie abby and my bf dean for proofreading love you both <3333

—------

you were certain this was the end of your friendship with jungwon. again. but this time you knew it would be permanent.

he was the boy who lived next door. growing up, you had always admired him from afar. the class president who everyone, including the upperclassmen, seemed to get along with.  

you had liked him until freshman year, when you got tired of pining over someone who didn’t seem to hold any interest in you. as comical as it seems, that was around the time that he had started to take an interest in you. 

and so he courted you, bringing you your favorite drink, walking you home, even coming over for dinner and hanging out at your house. this helped blossom a friendship that no one saw coming, and it wasn’t long until people started to wonder if you two were an item. 

it took two months for jungwon to muster up the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend. 

you were sure you were over your crush on him, that it was just a silly childhood crush. but as you hung out with him more and more, you couldn’t help but fall for him all over again. of course you said yes, because who wouldn’t say yes to the pretty starry-eyed boy standing before you?

jungwon was a nice boyfriend; going on dates quite often, never fought, and he would buy you flowers without being asked.. maybe the latter was why the whirlwind relationship only lasted five months. 

you remember the day so vividly, sitting on the bench at your favorite park; the same park where jungwon had asked you to be his, and here he was, asking you to break up.

 it seemed poetic in a kind of way, starting as his, and leaving as no one’s.

“i’m sorry. i’ve just lost romantic feelings,” jungwon stated, staring down at the grass as a breeze of wind came, the blades of grass swaying slightly. “it’s just that we’ve both been so busy with other things, and i guess we kinda just like, drifted apart because of it.”

“yeah, i think so too,” you replied nonchalantly, ignoring the slight sting in your heart. 

his head snapped up, your eyes finally meeting his, “wait, actually? you’re not lying?” the sound of relief in his voice made your heart feel like it was being squeezed.

“do you want to get rid of me that bad?” you instead teased with a grin. 

“no!” he exclaimed with wide eyes. “i still wanna be friends with you. i might not like you romantically anymore, but i don’t wanna like, lose the friendship we have, you know?”

“yeah,” you replied, “we can still be friends.”

and you two meant it. there were no tears, and no broken hearts (that you would like to admit). it was just a simple case of the right person and the wrong time, and as the years continued, you tried to convince yourself that it was just nothing. that jungwon was not your “right” anything- he was just your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. 

you were almost successful. until your last year of high school approached. 

you and jungwon kept your word, you stayed friends. always being seen together; walking to class, walking home, studying in the library, eating lunch in the cafeteria. 

people still believed you were together, and you always had to correct them, because no you and jungwon were no longer together and no you were not a thing.

they never believed you, though. 

there was always a small part of you that wanted to say yes when someone would ask. that you and jungwon were a thing and that he was yours and you were his. but you never did, callingyourself crazy for even thinking of doing so. 

you found yourself doing it again as yuna had asked you earlier in the week. 

yuna was the new girl this year, having transferred from jyp high. from what you heard, she was nice, smart, and she was gorgeous. you were never one to put yourself down, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t feel insecure standing next to her. 

“no, jungwon and i are not dating,” you smiled politely. it was almost like a script at this point. “we’re just good friends.”

“that’s good to hear,” yuna smiled, her eyes sparkling. “i just wanted to ask him out, but i wasn’t going to if you had a thing!”

“oh, you’re thinking of confessing to him?” you questioned. there was that little part of you again. the part that always said no! tell them you’re a thing! tell them to not do it!

“yeah, he’s in a bunch of my classes. he’s super smart and polite and he always knows how to make me laugh. and he has such pretty eyes,” she sighed dreamily as her mouth formed into a lovesick smile. 

“well, he has that effect on people,” you grinned. 

i would know, you thought.

 “i say go for it! he’s not particularly interested in anyone, you have a good chance.”

“you really think so?” she asked, eyes wide. 

god, i hope not, you thought. as shitty as it was, you didn’t want jungwon to move on. you felt sick at the thought of him being with someone else. 

“why not?” you said instead. “he’ll be at the library after school today studying, i’m supposed to meet him, but i can just tell him something came up.” 

“oh my god, you’re the best!” she squealed, engulfing you in a hug. “thank you thank you thank you.”

“you’re welcome,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around her, ignoring the green monster growing within you.

—----

it had been four days since your conversation with yuna. every time you saw him, you waited for him to bring up the date with baited breath- but he hadn’t said anything. not yet at least.

or maybe yuna simply didn’t ask him on a date. that’s what you were secretly hoping, at least.

it seemed hoping wasn’t enough. on the fifth day jungwon approached you from down the hall with those twinkling eyes and a bright smile you love so much, he seemed more energetic than usual with a little hop in his step. 

“you’re not gonna believe what happened today!” he exclaimed as he reached you at your locker. 

you could believe it. you were the one who hooked yuna up after all. yet you feigned curiosity as you looked at him quizzically, “what is it?”

“yuna asked me on a date! me! of all people! she’s so cool and smart and nice and pretty,” he said with a dreamy look on his face. 

you knew that look. the far away gaze as he thought of her. it was one you would never forget. it’s how he used to look at you. that lovesick grin and those twinkling eyes.

 it had never bothered you before when jungwon had crushes on other girls, because well, that’s all they were. they never escalated into anything more. looking at his lovestruck expression, realization hit that jungwon wasn’t yours anymore. 

you shouldn’t have thought of it that way. you should be happy for him! you should’ve been celebrating with him and cheering him on!  

you couldn’t help the bittersweet smile on your face as you replied, “oh, well that’s nice.”

his smile faltered slightly at your expression, concern slowly forming on his face.  

“are you okay?” he asked. 

“i’m fine, don’t worry,” you said, regaining your composure. “i’m happy for you! and don’t worry about spending less time with me, you’re gonna be a busy guy now! with a girlfriend…”

“okay, she is not my girlfriend. and even if she was, I would never ditch you!” 

“yeah whatever you say, loverboy,” you joked, giving him a playful nudge with your shoulder. 

“no seriously, y/n,” he replied, softly. “are you okay with yuna and i being a thing? i just don’t want it to be weird because you and i used to be a thing, and i know we’re both over that but i just wanted to make sure-,”

“what, me?” you scoffed, cutting the boy off. “what you and i had wasn’t serious, it was just some dumb high school fling.”

even as you spoke those words, you knew they weren’t true. it was more than just a fling. you loved him and maybe you still did. 

silence hung between you, the hallway getting quieter as the remaining students scrambled to their classes, the late bell ringing, leaving you and jungwon in the hallway alone. 

he looked hurt at what you said. you immediately wanted to take it back, to say you didn’t mean it and that he was your first love and you didn’t want him going on that date with yuna. 

“sorry, i shouldn’t have said that,” you muttered, not being able to meet his eyes and instead turning to close your locker. 

“no, you don’t have anything to apologize for,” he replied, as he started to back away, making his way to his class down the hall. “you’re right, it was just a fling, and honestly, it’s so weird to think of us as a couple.” 

it was like your world was falling apart around you as he spoke. did you interpret his hurt expression wrong? maybe this all was one-sided. did he not feel his heart breaking like you did? did he not wonder occasionally (or everyday) how his life would be if you were still together? did he not miss what you had?

maybe there really was nothing between you and jungwon but friendship. 

“yeah, so weird,” you awkwardly smiled, walking to catch up with him. “but you and i, we’re good, right?”

“yep, no worries,” he grinned back. 

“good,” you smiled. “so when’s your date?” 

his eyes brightened ever so slightly as you asked. he started to describe his date– how he was going to take her to the beach and have a picnic and play in the sand. 

you nodded along, your mind wandering off to when jungwon would take you on beach dates, burying him in the sand, splashing him with water and swimming away before he could splash you back. 

you looked over at the boy in question, his starry eyes wide as he talked about his date plans, his smile wide and giddy, his tone as sweet as honey as he talked about her. 

you knew you shouldn’t villainize yuna– she was a nice girl, a very nice one. it wasn’t her fault you were still in love with jungwon, and it surely wasn’t her fault that she liked him. it’s not like you could choose who you could fall in love with. 

you of all people would know. 

so you smiled and nodded along as you walked him to class, listening to him go on and on about his plans. you finally settled with the fact then and there, that jungwon would never be yours again. you had to let go. 

—--------

it has been six months since that day. the day that you had decided to give up. yuna and jungwon have been inseparable since then. 

he kept to his word though; still studying with you after school, showing up when you needed him, hanging out together. sometimes yuna would tag along, which you didn’t mind. she was fun to be around. 

you also didn’t mind being the third wheel when she was around, instead teasing the couple and even offering to take pictures for them. they were a lovely couple and they were seemingly happy– jungwon especially, and that was all that mattered. 

the school year was coming to an end, and seeing as it was your senior year, people were throwing parties almost every weekend. 

you went every once in a while, had some fun, did some underage drinking, even flirted with a couple of people. 

tonight was the party though. 

intak was throwing his first party of the year, and everyone knew his parties were legendary. 

you sat in the uber with jungwon and yuna, anticipating the night before you. you were excited, to say the least. the last time you went to a party was a  month ago, and you were ready to have fun. you even put on your best party outfit for tonight!

you arrived at intak’s house (or more like a mansion), and started to make your way inside until jungwon stopped you. 

“wait! before we go in, i think we should go over some basic safety rules!” jungwon exclaimed. 

you rolled your eyes with a small laugh as you replied, “only you would go over safety rules at a party.” 

“i’m serious, y/n, really bad things could happen,” he shot back with a pointed expression. 

“okay wonie, go ahead, we’re all ears,” yuna smiled supportively.

you ignored the slight heart ache at yuna using your old nickname for jungwon- the one you used when you were together. 

get it together, y/n you thought. letting go, remember?  

you instead smiled and nodded reassuringly at jungwon, who looked over at you to make sure you were paying attention. 

he sighed before continuing, “okay, i won’t be doing any drinking so i can babysit you guys all night. if you need to use the bathroom give your drinks to me so i can watch them. and y/n, if you leave the party at any point, for any reason, please let me know first.”

“sir, yes sir,” you muttered. 

“now let’s go have some fun!” yuna exclaimed, dragging the both of you by the wrists. 

you finally entered the house, where there seemed to be everyone from your school. even kids who graduated last year were in attendance, and as you searched the party for a familiar face that wasn’t jungwon or yuna, intak strolled over, a wide smile on his face. 

“you guys made it!” he shouted over the loud thumping of the music. he was wearing a letterman jacket with a white shirt underneath, and a pair of baggy straight legged jeans. the outfit looked so good on him that you had almost forgotten that you were talking to intak of all people. 

“you look nice, y/n,” he grinned.

you would’ve had a crush on him if he didn’t flirt with every girl he laid eyes on, and it seemed like his victim of the night was you. but damn did he look good right now. 

intak wasn’t a bad guy, he seemed harmless, not like the guys who wouldn’t take no for an answer. he just always flirted, with no intentions of making anything serious. most of the girls he talked to never knew the latter though. 

but you thought it couldn’t hurt, you were here to have fun, and if flirting with intak was the way to do it, then so be it. 

you saw jungwon step forward, about to tell intak to back off and go flirt with someone else, causing you to put your hand on his arm to stop him. 

you also noticed how yuna examined the scene in front of her; jungwon trying to be your knight in shining armor, and you with your hand on his arm to stop him. her eyes narrowed slightly in thought as you dropped your hand and turned to intak. 

“why don’t you get me a drink and then we can talk?” you smiled dazzlingly. you usually reserved smiles like that for when you wanted to flirt and get wasted, and just as usual, it worked like a charm.

“i’ll be right back then,” intak smiled, before making his way through the crowd of bodies in search of a drink for you. 

“really, y/n, intak out of all people?” jungwon questioned, arms crossed. 

“yeah, and what about it?” you replied, feeling slightly annoyed at his tone of voice. he had never acted this way towards you before, but you didn’t like it. it wasn’t his business who you flirted with. he talked to you like you were an idiot and you hated the thought of him looking down on you.  

yuna awkwardly stood between the two of you, not wanting to be in the middle of your fight, but not wanting to go off by herself at a party filled with people she barely knew. 

“‘what about it?’” jungwon mocked your voice in a high pitched tone. “you know how he is, don’t be dumb.”

“dumb? i’m here to have fun, jungwon, not to play third wheel again,” you snapped back. “and why does it matter, you’re not my boyfriend, and you’re not my brother, so it’s really none of your fucking business.”

yuna had been looking back and forth between you and jungwon, watching as you glared at each other, waiting for someone to say something. it was like watching a tennis match. 

at that moment, intak arrived, back with a red solo cup in hand. 

“a drink for the prettiest girl here,” he announced, handing the cup over to you. 

“why thank you love,” you replied with an innocent smile as you looked over at jungwon, still glaring at you, his arms crossed against his chest.

ignoring him, you took a sip of the drink you were given, your face scrunching up at the bitter taste. 

“hey intak, why don’t we go dance?” you asked, reaching for his hand. 

“that sounds like fun,” he replied with a smile of his own before you led him to the dance floor, leaving an enraged jungwon, and a slightly annoyed yuna behind you.

—-----

yuna had seen the way jungwon looked at you. she might have been a bit oblivious at first, but as time went on and she spent more time with the two of you, it became more and more apparent– jungwon had never gotten over you. 

at first yuna thought she could sway him, to get him to fall for her the way he fell for you. but it never worked. he looked at you like you were his own personal angel. no matter where you were, who you were with, how you looked, he was absolutely enraptured by you, and oh, how yuna wished he looked at her like that. 

it had been fifty minutes since your small tussle, and yuna and jungwon sat outside, occupying two pool chairs as he angrily took sips of his water. 

“it’s like she doesn’t even care, she just ran off with him knowing he’ll never want anything serious, knowing he’s gonna lead her on, and i swear when she comes crying to me, i’m gonna tell her ‘i told you’ right to her stupid dumb face,” he rambled, placing his bottle of water harder on the table than he intended to, spilling droplets in the process. 

“well, she’s young and single, and she just wants to have fun baby, there’s nothing wrong with that,” yuna replied. “and she has a point, you’re not her brother or anything, so why do you care so much?”

jungwon  looked up at yuna, not being able to ignore the bitter tone in her voice, “wait, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“i’m not on anyone’s side, i’m just asking as your girlfriend why you care so much. because honestly, if i didn’t know any better, i would think that you were still in love with her,” yuna sighed, exasperated. 

“i am not in love with her, i like you!” he exclaimed, way faster than he should have. 

yuna wanted to believe him. she wanted to ignore every bit of doubt in her body and believe every lie he fed to her, but she couldn’t. not when she knew you loved him too. it was heartbreaking, really. to watch the person you love pine over someone else. but it was even worse knowing the feelings were reciprocated. 

“don’t lie to me, jungwon,” she deadpanned, feeling her eyes start to water with tears of frustration. “i see the way you look at her, and i know for sure you haven’t gotten over her. you have never once looked at me the way you look at her, and if you like her, just say that. just say that and we can end things here, without having to make this any more heartbreaking than it already is.”

yuna didn’t want to cry. the last thing she wanted to do was cry, but the feelings of anger and embarrassment had overwhelmed her, causing a few traitorous tears to spill. she was angry at herself for letting it get this far, for falling in love with a boy that she knew would never love her back. 

but she was also embarrassed. embarrassed that she had even tried to make an effort, that she had thought she could win him over. 

she wiped her face with the back of her hand, only for more to spill out, a sob fighting for an escape from her quivering lips. 

jungwon raised his hand to wipe the tears away for her, to cup her face and tell her everything would be okay and that he was sorry. but what was he sorry for? sorry for trying to keep you away from intak? or sorry that maybe yuna was right and he did still love you?

just as he opened his mouth to speak, you stumbled out, words slurring and barely able to walk as you stumbled your way over to them. 

“hey guys!” you exclaimed, as a worried intak came rushing out the house behind you. 

“oh god, y/n, are you okay?” jungwon asked, immediately walking over to your side to support your stumbling figure. yuna would have felt bitter over jungwon rushing to your side faster than he had ever run to hers. yet, despite the devil on her shoulder that told her to be petty, she instead felt worried for you. you could barely even stand up straight.

“what the fuck did you do to her?” jungwon asked, throwing an accusatory look at intak.

“nothing dude, i promise! she was the one who wanted to drink, she had like 5 drinks within the span of like, 10 minutes,” intak replied, panicked. “is she going to be okay? does she have a way to get home safely?”

jungwon looked from yuna to you, who was falling asleep just standing there.

“just take her home,” yuna sighed. “i’m not gonna make you choose because we all know who you’d choose every single time.”

“yuna it’s not like that,” jungwon groaned. “listen, i’ll bring her home, and then i’ll come over tomorrow and we can talk this out, okay? i promise.”

“okay, just get her home safe first,” yuna replied. 

you might have been the biggest obstacle in her relationship, but you were still a nice girl, and you had technically done nothing wrong, so yuna had no reason to want to keep you and jungwon apart. you were also wasted as fuck and there was no way you would be able to get home by yourself without something horrible potentially happen to you. 

jungwon grabbed his almost full water bottle from the table he was sitting at, muttering that he would “need it to sober you up”.

he gave yuna one last reassuring smile before he walked away, you on his back as he tried his best to carry you home. 

yuna sighed as she watched you go. she felt like something bad would happen today, something worse than her argument with jungwon, and she wanted nothing else but to go home and cry. 

all she could do was trust jungwon, even if she knew she already lost him, even if she knew she was never a contestant in the first place.

—------

jungwon almost did it. 

he almost carried you all the way home, but his legs felt like they were gonna give out once he reached the park near your house, and he decided then and there that he needed a break. 

he sat you on the playground set, sitting beside you with a huff. 

you were awake by this point, taking long sips of the water bottle jungwon had given you. you wanted to sober up by the time you got home, but it wasn’t really working, with your words still slurring slightly and your mind all dizzy.

the two of you sat in silence as you gazed at the stars and jungwon thought of his argument with yuna. 

maybe she was right. 

even now, as he glanced over at you, studying the stars, his heart skipped a beat and he felt his face warm up. 

“do you remember when you asked me to be your girlfriend in this park?” you chuckled. “we were so young then, it feels like forever ago.”

jungwon was thrown off by the sudden conversation starter, but still smiled, “yeah, i remember it very well. i felt like i was gonna throw up because i was so nervous.”

you turned your head to look at him and giggled as his smile grew wider. 

“what, what are you laughing at?” 

“nothing, i was just so in love with you then. i used to think that we would be together forever and ride off into the sunset in a carriage.” 

jungwon inspected you as you talked, trying to decipher if there was any meaning behind your words or if it was just the liquor talking. 

“i just thought we were some high school fling?” he half-joked as he nudged you with his shoulder. he didn’t want it to seem like he was serious if you were sobering up. 

he felt his heart start to race as he stared at your slightly flushed face from the drinks you had, your hair fluttering as a soft breeze blew by. you were everything that jungwon had ever wanted, and here you were, telling him how much you used to love him. 

wait, no, what the hell am i doing? jungwon thought to himself. it wasn’t fair to yuna. it was already unfair to her that he only started to date her to get over you. he thought that if he dated her long enough, he would stop loving you and love her instead. 

and he genuinely thought it worked. fuck, he thought. i’m such a shitty person. 

until he saw you with intak, flirting, dancing with him, laughing at his jokes, he had never felt so jealous in his life, and yuna had noticed. and she was upset, which was fair. what wasn’t fair was jungwon using her to get over you. 

use. he hated the icky feeling that word gave him. 

“i lied,” you muttered, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“what did you say?” jungwon asked, making sure that he had heard you right. 

“i lied,” you repeated, eyes on everything but him. “i loved you, and i think i still do.” 

your eyes finally met his as you continued, “you are everything to me, jungwon. i’ve been in love with you since forever, and i only agreed to break up because you said you wanted to.”

jungwon could feel his heart starting to beat faster as he searched your eyes for any hesitation, any sign that this was a lie, or some sort of joke. his heart beat so fast he felt like he was gonna explode as he looked into your eyes, so earnest and so genuine and so filled with love that he knew you had sobered up. 

you reached for his hands in his lap, interlacing your fingers with his. 

“i can’t keep this from you,” you breathed. “i love you, yang jungwon, and i know you’re dating yuna, but i just have to tell you that i love you, that i always have and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i don’t expect you to leave her for me or anything, but i can’t help it anymore. i love you, i love you, i love you.”

silence hung over the two of you as he tried to form a coherent sentence after your confession. it felt like suddenly his brain didn’t know how to make him talk, to make him say i love you too, or to make him do anything, really. 

a minute passed, and then two as jungwon searched your eyes with the same desperation yours had– desperate to love and to be loved by the person sitting in front of you. 

jungwon didn’t know who leaned closer first. he thought it was you but maybe it was him. he didn’t even feel like he was in control of his body as he leaned closer and closer, his hand moving to hold your face, searching your face for any hesitation, for any kind of doubt.

 you were so close that he could smell the perfume you sprayed before you left your house and the drinks that you had earlier that night. 

impatient, jungwon finally closed the gap between the two of you, your soft lips colliding with his. he could have kissed you forever, wanting to stay forever in time there. until realization hit him.

yuna.

he pulled away abruptly, your eyes still closed as you chased his lips with yours. he would have found it cute if he weren’t trying his best not to panic right now. he just kissed you. while he was still dating yuna. 

he thought of the look on yuna’s face if she found out– the angry, hurt expression that she had at the party, and even worse, the tears. he would break the poor girl’s heart. 

“i should go,” jungwon breathed, quickly standing up from his seat beside you. “it’s almost past my curfew.”

“wait, jungwon,” you said, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt before he could walk away. “i think we should talk about this before you go.”

“yeah, we can talk later,” he replied dismissively. “i just need some time to think.”

you opened your mouth to say something else– anything else to make him stay, but closed it as you saw he was already speed-walking in the direction of his house. 

you thought that you would lose him forever after your breakup.  you had almost lost jungwon once, and you were nearly positive that you won’t be so lucky to keep him this time. 

you felt sick to your stomach, and you didn’t know if it was from the drinks or from the events that had just occurred, but nonetheless you felt nauseous. 

you hunched over as you started to gag, your vomit flowing out of your mouth, tears streaming down your face. 

you wiped your mouth with your sleeve, rinsing your mouth out with water as you started to tear up. 

before you knew it, you felt sobs rising, your nose stuffed from crying,  your throat getting dry from the sobbing. the embarrassment and sorrow was finally catching up to you– all of the years of repressed love you felt for jungwon, all of the embarrassment from him leaving after you confessed, embarrassment from being a homewrecker– it all came crashing down on you. 

you couldn’t go home like this. you were sober enough to know that, with your tear streaked face, ruined makeup, and vomit smelling breath your parents would put two and two together. 

your hands shakily reached for your phone in your back pocket, dialing your brother’s number and waiting for him to pick up with baited breath. your brother was your only hope. 

“hello?” 

“chan?” you breathed into the phone. “i need to sleepover at your place.”

—----

yuna hated this. 

the waiting, the feeling of dread as she sat on her bed, awaiting jungwon’s arrival. 

the fight that had ensued was horrible, but she believed she made a valid point. if he likes y/n so much he should just go be with her, she thought bitterly. 

jungwon had texted her last night at around 1 in the morning, just to make sure she got home safe. yuna didn’t respond. she instead left him on read, still pissed off from the fight.

she used to get butterflies when he would send her texts to make sure she got home safe. but now she didn’t know if he did it because he liked her or if it was just out of common courtesy. 

yuna was about to just walk to his house herself before she heard a knock on her door. 

“hey it’s uh, me,” she heard jungwon’s muffled voice through the door. “is it okay if i come in?” 

“yeah, let’s get this over with.”

she couldn’t meet his eyes as he walked in, striding over to the corner of her bed. yuna hated waiting, but she now felt dread as the pair sat in silence for a bit, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. she had sat nowhere near him.

 usually she’d be cuddled into his side, but she instead opted to sit at the head of her bed, seemingly as far away from him as possible. she was worried that if she was too close to him, she’d crack; she’d look at his doe eyes and forgive him and that would ruin the entire point of her argument. 

“so,” she cleared her throat, interrupting the silence. “did y/n get home safe?” 

“yeah, she’s at her brother’s apartment. he texted me when she got there.”

 “‘when she got there?’ did you not walk her there?” 

“no, he picked her up from the park near our houses. but anyways, i have something important to tell you.” 

yuna felt even more dread seeping into her as he finished his sentence. she should’ve seen this coming from the start. here it comes: the breakup. 

“i kissed y/n last night.” 

yuna’s eyes widened in surprise. she had expected the breakup, yes. she knew jungwon was emotionally cheating, but now he was physically cheating? 

“wait, are you being serious right now?” she laughed in astonishment. she couldn’t believe the audacity of the man sitting in front of her. 

“i know it’s bad. i feel horrible, because an amazing woman like you should never be treated as horrible as i’ve treated you, and i am so so sorry,” jungwon started, tearing up from how bad he felt. “all of the apologies in the world could never make up for how i’ve treated you. i’ve made you feel terrible and i’m just making it worse by breaking up with you to be with her.” 

“i love y/n, yuna. and i’m sorry that i didn’t tell you, or that you had to find out for yourself before i even knew. you are so so perfect yuna-,”

“but i’m just not perfect for you?” she replied, tears starting to form as she breathed those words. 

the silence that followed was more than enough to answer her question. 

she hated this. she hated this so so much. but she didn’t hate you, or jungwon. she just hated how love worked, how she had to fall in love with the one boy who couldn’t love her back. she hated that she gave her heart away to a boy that was never going to belong to her– not fully. 

she wanted to scream, to throw something, hell, maybe even hit him. she instead took a deep breath, composing herself before she said, “okay. go be with her then.” 

jungwon looked over at her, wanting nothing but to comfort yuna. he may not be in love with her, but he did love her, and he still cared for her. 

“i’m sorry, yuna,” jungwon said instead. “you’re an amazing girl, but you should never be anyone’s second choice, and i’m sorry for making you feel like mine.” 

yuna couldn’t even look at him, fidgeting with the strings of the hoodie she wore. 

“just leave, please,” she muttered. 

she didn’t want him to see her cry, he had already broken her once, she didn’t want him to see her fall apart again. 

with a guilty expression, jungwon hurried away, also not wanting to see her cry again. he felt gross. he felt disgusted with himself for treating her that way. he didn’t like the person he was with yuna, and he felt sick thinking about how heartbroken she was; how she was so hurt that she couldn’t even look at him. 

—------

it has been two weeks since your kiss with jungwon, and you hadn’t heard a word from him since. not a single call or text, hell, he didn’t even acknowledge your existence when you walked by him in the halls. 

you had seen yuna around, but seeing as jungwon wasn’t joined at her hip like he used to be, you assumed that things didn’t end quite so well between the two. knowing that you were the cause made you want to never show your face ever again, especially because of the dirty looks yuna’s friends have been giving you. 

you were relieved it was the last day of the school year; you’d never have to see yuna again and feel the guilt at seeing the sadness in her eyes. 

you walked into the bathroom, wanting to wash your hands after eating your lunch, when you saw yuna, touching up on her makeup in the mirror. she looked at you through the mirror above the sink, before going back to her makeup. 

the tension was so thick you didn’t know if you should just leave or hide in a bathroom stall until she left. 

“i’m not gonna bite, you know,” yuna chuckled. 

you smiled back nervously as you started to make your way to the sink. 

“yuna i’m really sorry,” you sighed, mustering whatever courage and dignity you had left. 

“it’s okay,” yuna replied, finally meeting your gaze. “although it was wrong for you guys to have kissed, i saw the breakup coming from miles away. he was never mine to begin with.” 

you were taken aback just by how calm she was, with the way she spoke those words with such elegance and grace. she had every right to be angry with you, to yell at you and call you a homewrecker. 

“even if you did think you were going to break up, that still doesn’t excuse what i did, and i really am sorry,” you said, trying to project every feeling of sympathy and sincerity you could in that one sentence. “i’m not asking you to forgive me, or jungwon, but i just wanted to tell you that you really are a cool person, and you’ve always been so kind to me, even now. all of this for a boy, and he hasn’t even talked to me in the past two weeks.”

“wait, he hasn’t reached out to you at all?” yuna asked, confused. “i thought he would say something to you at least.” 

“did he say he would?” you replied, confusion reaching you as well. 

“no,” yuna replied, fixing her hair in the mirror. “i just assumed so because he’s in love with you.”

once again, you were stunned by her nonchalance. “he’s not in love with me.” 

“don’t be silly,” yuna smiled softly. “i can’t tell if dating jungwon was the best or worst six months of my life, to be honest.” 

“don’t get me wrong, he was a good boyfriend,” yuna backtracked quickly after seeing the guilt on your face. “he did the usual boyfriend stuff, and he really did try, but i could just always tell that his heart was always yours.” 

you couldn’t meet yuna’s gaze as she said this, your face hot with shame. you felt so bad for her, and you didn’t quite know what to say in response. 

“i’m sorry that things ended this way,” you finally said. 

“it’s okay, it was gonna happen sooner or later,” yuna replied. “but if i’m right, then you should probably go talk to him, he’s probably going insane with guilt right now over me, and over you. bro’s got a lot on his plate.” 

you gave a small chuckle at the last sentence, making yuna smile a bit. 

“well thank you for the talk yuna, but i’ve gotta go. i think i need to go find jungwon.” 

yuna felt her heart break a bit at the words, but she smiled anyways and said bye as she watched you leave the bathroom. yuna didn’t know if she was supposed to cry or feel happy for you and jungwon, but she did know that she was right. again. she knew his heart had always belonged to you. anyone could see that. 

—--------

trying to find jungwon was easier than you expected. he was sitting on a swing, at the park that you became his, then wasn’t his anymore, and then confessed your love to him. there was so much that had happened at this park that it made your head hurt a bit just thinking about it. 

“is it okay if i sit here?” you asked, motioning to the swing beside him. 

“of course you can,” jungwon replied. 

the two of you sat in silence.

“i don’t think we should be friends anymore,” you finally spoke up. 

he jerked his head to look at you, shock coursing through him. “wait, why not?”

you took a deep breath before saying, “i can’t be friends with you anymore because i’m in love with you. there hasn’t been a moment since i’ve met you that i haven’t been.” 

his heart skipped a beat at your words. 

this was it, this is what you’d been waiting for since the day you laid eyes on jungwon. but you didn’t think it would go quite like this. you sat there for a moment as jungwon studied you, and you wished he would say something, anything. 

“but did you ever consider how i felt?” he finally asked, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “have you ever considered that maybe i’ve felt the same way?” 

you felt your breath catch in your throat as he continued, “i’ve seen you everyday since we were five when your family moved in next door. but i didn’t really see you until freshman year, sitting in class by the window, your hair flowing from the breeze that came through, doodling in your notebook instead of paying attention to the lesson. and when you caught me staring, you smiled and waved, and i swear i fell in love with you that day. that day, i knew my heart would always be yours.” 

“so please,” jungwon pleaded. “please, do whatever you want with it. you could break it a million times over and it would still be yours.”

now this, this was exactly you had always dreamed of. 

you couldn’t stop yourself from kissing him, trying to convey all the repressed love you’ve had for him for years through the kiss. you loved him. you loved every single part of jungwon, every flaw, every imperfection, everything that made him him. 

“so does this mean we’re official?” jungwon grinned as he pulled away, a playful look in his eyes. you smiled back, feeling the heart eyes in your gaze and the way your heart melted just by looking at him. 

“took you long enough.” 

[zzprompto]

☆ the shared bath

geto suguru x male reader [he / him]

sypnosis: two dudes, [name] and suguru, share a totally 100% platonic bath after [name] notices something off about suguru. (meant to be viewed as romantic. happens before the things suguru does, au where everything turns out to be okay?)

the lowercase is intentional !

- brief mentions of nudity (because it's a bath) but no nsfw.

it was the little things [name] seemed to notice first. the way suguru started talking less, how he started wearing his hair up instead of down and how he started to grow bags under his eyes. [name] started to worry, but who wouldn't? sure, [name] wasn't the closest to suguru, that title was reserved for gojo satoru and gojo satoru only, but he was still quite close with the ravenette.

[name] couldn't help but worry. whenever he saw suguru around school grounds, he could feel his heart ache inside his chest and his stomach turn. the poor boy hoped his friend was alright, but that really didn't seem like the case. it was almost as if there was something bugging suguru, but he couldn't tell anyone. maybe he was too afraid? too standoffish to ask for help? whatever it was, [name] was determined to help his friend.

[name] spotted suguru alone on campus, so he walked up to him. it was weird to see suguru alone and without satoru, the two were independent. they were always together, but that didn't seem like the case anymore. it was probably the thing that was bugging suguru caused him to drift apart from satoru is what [name] thought. but, he didn't know the truth.

[name] walked over to suguru and stopped infront of him. "hey.. are you good?" he asked in a soft voice, trying not to startle the ravenette. suguru just looked at [name] and sighed. "i'm fine." is all he replied with in a bored, monotone voice. it seemed clear that suguru didn't want to talk about his feelings, but [name] was still worried. he wanted to find out what was truly wrong.

of course, [name] didn't want to be so persistant that he didn't get an answer from suguru at all, so he had to be creative. the first thing that came into his mind was.. a bath. just him and suguru sharing a bath whilst talking about their feelings. that doesn't sound gay at all..

"do you want to take a bath with me? we can catch up whilst soaking in some bubbles and what not." [name] suggests, a smile on his face as he spoke. suguru thought his ears were deceiving him for a second. did he really hear what he thought he heard? or was his mind playing tricks on him due to his sleep deprivation?

suguru's face contorted and twisted into that of confusion. he looked at [name] with that exact expression on his face. "what? a bath? that's a bit odd, don't you think?" suguru sighed, shaking his head at [name]'s suggestion. although out loud he said the idea was odd, on the inside his heart was racing. he never would've thought [name] would be the type of person to suggest a bath, an intimate one at that where they'd be discussing their feelings together. it was all a shock, but suguru found it quite romantic.

[name] immediately realises how weird taking a bath with another guy sounds, especially since both him and suguru are teenagers, on the verge of adulthood. "oh! right.. right.. uhm.. my bad.." [name] chuckles nervously, scratching the back of his head and looking away from suguru. oh how stupid he was for thinking such a thing.

"..i'm not opposed to the idea, however." suguru clears his throat, also looking away from [name]'s direction. "i guess it would be nice to take a warm bath and catch up." suguru continues, his voice quiet and low as he's still flustered by the suggestion. maybe he was reading into it too much? but it was too late now, he already accepted the offer.

[name] perks up and he looks at suguru again, his previous smile creeping back up on his face. quickly, [name] takes suguru's arm and he starts dragging the poor boy to the baths. he already heard suguru say he 'wasn't opposed to the idea', so there's nothing stopping [name] now. he felt some sort of excitement rush over him, mixed with another feeling that he didn't know how to name. it was like he wanted to see suguru, topless, in the bath. but that was normal, right? it's normal to want to see another guy's body, right? it's totally not gay..

after a few long moments of [name] dragging suguru by the arm, the two boys finally reached the baths. [name] started to run the water, turning a mixture of the hot and cold taps before it was the optimum temperature. he then took one of the shower gels that was laying on the side of the bath, before squeezing a bit in the bath, waiting for bubbles to start forming. the bath wasn't big, but it wasn't too small. [name] hoped it would fit him and suguru, and possibly leave some space for the two of them. yet, he wouldn't mind being right besides suguru in the bath.

[name] looked at suguru with a smile. "well, the bath's running now. i guess it's time to get in." he hummed before turning around and taking his uniform off. as much as [name] wanted to watch suguru get changed, for some odd reason that didn't click in his mind yet, he gave suguru a little privacy and didn't watch. [name] got dressed pretty fast himself and he got into the water, waiting for suguru to get in too.

suguru took a little longer getting undressed. he was pretty nervous and flustered about the whole ordeal. suguru was about to be in a bath with someone he likes, close to this guy when they're both naked and the other guy doesn't see a problem with it! it didn't help that [name] was going to ask questions about what's wrong with suguru, it just made the whole moment feel like it was going to be more intimate than intended.

soon enough, [name] could hear suguru enter the water beside him. [name] turned off the taps and he looked to suguru with a smile. "the water's nice, don't you think?" he asked, trying to make some sort of small talk despite this awkwardly-romantic situation. this was meant to be a moment that couples shared. so why was it that two boys, who have not confronted their feelings about eachother yet, are sharing such a moment?

suguru just hums and nods along to [name]'s question, looking down at the water to try and avoid his gaze. it was all too much for his heart, there was only so much it could handle. "yeah.. the water's nice. thanks for.. asking me to come here with you? i don't know what else to say.." suguru muttered, definitely not knowing what else to say.

"i was worried about you, y'know? i mean, i still am, but i'm worried about you. i'm always worried about you, even when there's nothing to worry about." [name] explains, his brain going fuzzy after repeating the word 'worry' too many times. he's still gazing over at suguru with a small smile on his face. "i care about you a lot, even if it doesn't look like that. i just want you to know that." [name] admits, and it's not making suguru's heart feel any better. suguru feels as if his heart is going to leap out of his chest and drown in the bath.

suguru thinks for a moment, trying to recollect his thoughts and words before he can say anything in response to [name]. "hm.. thank you, [name]. i appreciate how much you care and worry, it means.. a lot." suguru whispers, making the shared bath more and more intimate by the second. "i've just been thinking a lot lately about everything that's happened, i forgot to stop and see that people around me care. everything with amanai, haibara.. it's all piled up. i feel like i have to carry this weight on my shoulders, like i'm alone.. i want to do something about it.." suguru admitted before pausing. he didn't want to tell the truth about what he thought of doing, it would just lead [name] to hate him.

then, suguru heard the water sloshing and splashing about until he felt something wrap around him. it was [name], of course. [name] pulled suguru into a hug, holding him as close as he could. "i'm sorry, suguru. i'm sorry that you feel that way.." [name] whispers to suguru. "you're not alone.. you have us. gojo, shoko.. and me." [name] sighed, resting against suguru's shoulder as he continued to hug the other boy. "we're always here so you can talk to us. i'm here for you, always." [name] whispers and it plays in suguru's mind over and over again. suguru just wanted to kiss [name] so badly. [name]'s words were so intimate, yet [name] didn't even know the effect he had on suguru.

suguru hums and he rests his chin on the top of [name]'s head, reciprocating the hug. "thank you again, [name]. your words reassure me. i needed that, a lot." suguru sighed, continuing to hold [name] in his arms as [name] held suguru in his own.

"i really want to kiss you.." suguru confessed in a whisper, his cheeks immediately going a light pink instead of pale as he spoke. [name]'s eyes opened wide and he backed away from the hug slightly, some water tipping out of the bath tub. "what? what did you say? you want to kiss me?" [name] was taken aback, but he should've seen it coming. he was the one who suggsted such a romantic and intimate thing such as a bath in the first place.

yet, [name] didn't back away. he wasn't afraid of his feelings anymore. he leaned in closer to suguru to the point where their noses were almost touching. "do it, then. kiss me." [name] whispered back, hoping suguru would kiss him.

...and kiss him he did.

suguru leaned in, just as [name] did, and he finally made their lips meet. it felt like heaven. both boys were just melting at eachother's touch. all the unspoken feelings coming to light as they stayed in the bath. it was perfect, better than anything the boys could've imagined.

once the two of them pulled away, suguru was smiling so much that his cheeks start to hurt. "that was.. great." he whispered before pulling [name] in for another kiss, which [name] gladly accepted.

the two boys kept kissing in the bath, smiling and laughing. all in all, they were just enjoying eachother's company for what felt like the first time in years. it was great.

"do you want to go and grab food with me someday?" geto asked, grinning slightly as he looked at [name]. "as in a date?" [name] tilted his head to which suguru nodded in response. "sure, sounds good to me." [name] hummed, holding suguru close in a hug again.

as the weeks, months and years went past, shoko and gojo never stopped teasing the two. suguru and [name] could never catch a break. but, it all happened because of the shared bath. the bath [name] and suguru were so glad they shared...

☆ author's note: i feel like writing a highschool au gojo..

☆ request ▪︎ masterlist

[seafoamreadings]

week of august 11th, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: mars on jupiter is no small thing, especially for you. but it's much more benevolent than the fairly recent mars-uranus conjunction even with saturn involved. your appetites are large and your impulses likely feel very urgent. it's good to listen to them, but be sure to think before acting or even speaking.

taurus: you may feel pressure to spend money or resources (including time or too much thought). even if it's worth it, it'll most likely wait until a time of less pressure so you can get your mind clear. try to spend only on real emergencies and basic necessities for now. i know i can't talk a taurus (such as myself) into not having a little treat though... just keep it small.

gemini: mars and jupiter meet up in your sign for what promises to be an intense set of urges. it does make you look powerful to others; no need to put on any displays because it just radiates off of you. if it's contrived it actually looks weaker. anyway, use that to your advantage this week but don't think you have to act on anything just yet. it's okay to just sit and look intimidating for now.

cancerians: there's a lot going on and you're sensitive enough that you've definitely noticed. yet you have your act together so well that others may view you as unshaken and utterly unperturbed which is not a bad situation to be in. let your finances show it; mercury back into leo this week can have you tempted with bad investments. just hold on to the cash for now.

leo: seems like just yesterday mercury was in your sign... well, he's back already thanks to his retrograde. as long as you've been good with your traditional mercury retrograde protocols, this benefits you, and slow movements and delays also benefit you. you are regal, eloquent, and charismatic as long as you don't let your nerves show.

virgo: while it's true that mercury retrogrades almost flamboyantly back into leo this week, it doesn't mean you get to return to ease just yet. relationships and your reputation are, at least in small ways and possibly in quite large ways, on the line. if you want to experiment with cutting something off, this is a good time to give it a tentative try. it will likely come back and when it does you can re-evaluate if you want to welcome it back or send it away for good.

libra: this week is broadly supportive to you but at the same time it is tense and probably encased in a strange aura. the tension makes for growth and the strange aura is mostly just a sign of the times. lean into academic pursuits and broad, new horizons.

scorpio: your sign gets described as intense a lot, but even you may feel a bit overwhelmed by the tension and high weirdness of this week. take nothing for granted and expect the unexpected. things come and things go and they're going to happen fast for a while.

sagittarius: the weird vibes of the week may kind of suit you. that's weird as in wyrd, not weird as in some creep... weird in a good way in this case, although you can expect upheaval and many changes. they may well not be permanent though, as mercury is smack in the middle of the retrograde.

capricorn: your ruling planet saturn is up to a lot of quiet activity in a tumultuous time. changes made need backbones to stay around. if something happens you don't like, give it no structure. if something happens you do like, give it a steady foundation to continue. when mercury goes direct again many feeble things disappear.

aquarius: one thing you cannot do at this time is expect relationships to make sense. and this is not at all restricted to romantic relationships, but all kinds - the axis between yourself and 'the other.' and even your relationship to the world around you. you relative to the sky, the trees, and gravity. it's not going to be logical this week (or probably next either). that actually is probably cool with you since although you appreciate reason, you know the value of the unconventional.

pisces: neptune sextile pluto (they're both in retrograde) IS old magic. you are the magickian. you don't even have to try. but if you do try, it is more orderly. meanwhile saturn is providing a lot of structure for the magic to stick to, to give it form in the tangible world around you. it's NOT all in your head. this is unification of all ethereal realms and the condensate realm in front of your eyes. do with that information whatever you will.

[lalasworld2x]

Brahms x Reader Headcanons

This takes place after you find out he’s a grown man lol (but you don’t kill him of course)

• There aren’t any romantic feelings at first just because you’re still interested in Malcom, but you can decide if you guys have a falling out or if you just lose interest lol.

• It might take a bit to convince him to do house chores as well, as he’s lived his whole life in the walls and just has the mindset of “people have always done it for me, why stop now??”

• If you ever get mad at him, he’d probably try and finish all the house tasks before you get a chance to just so there’s now a reason for you to not be mad at him.

• He still likes to stay in the walls quite often, like a safe space for him.

• At the start, he used to get really overwhelmed by being out for so long, so you’d sit and comfort him for as long as possible. This just made him fall for you harder.

• He loves to cuddle in bed. He’s been touch starved so long, he just wants a warm bed and a warm embrace for hours on end ☹️💔

• Sometimes the closeness is never enough for him, like he just needs to be as close to you as possible. It’s not enough until he is literally molding into you, like angler fish lmao. If this makes you uncomfortable, he will back off but it will be a bit hard for him.

• He can definitely be demanding and sometimes very selfish, you may unfortunately have to still treat him like a child. I bet naughty corners would still work tbh… make sure you set clear boundaries and speak up for yourself.

• Although it’s definitely understandable if you were afraid to stand up for yourself, we already know he’s willing to hurt you and those that you love just to make sure you’d stick around.. I’m not gonna lie, it would actually probably be helpful to learn at least a bit of self defence in case he ever does try to put his hands on you. I’m sure even being strong enough to hold him in a head lock would scare him enough to back off and respect you more.

• This man does not gaf about body types or anything, he loves em all! Lean, muscular, chunky, curvy, slender, average- anything and he loves it!! He just wants someone to take care of him

• His immune system would probably be on the border of decent and not very good. He’s lived his life in the walls which is certainly not clean and nurturing space, but he also hasn’t really gotten out enough to get sick or hurt himself. Obviously he had a life before being forced into hiding, but he did spend like a decade tucked away. Would probably help you to get him vaccinated lol. ANYWAYS my point is, he might get sick fairly often, especially if you do actually start bringing friends and family over and you get to have an actual job. He would LOVE to have you coddle him. Tuck him right into bed, make him hot soup, coo over him, etc.

• Just because you would hate to be stuck at home with him all day I’m sure, you set some boundaries and convince him that he will be okay if you apply for jobs or go out to get materials and such for your own job if you work from home. And you should absolutely have the right to bring friends and family over now that he’s no longer a doll. This might upset him for a while, but you both come up with ways to make this arrangement comfortable for you.

• He compliments you all the time. You makeup, outfit, hair, posture, ideas, expression, the way you look when stretching or exercising, your interests- anything and everything!

• He will make small crafts for you as gift, mostly paper. He may even learn some origami for you with a book he found. He’s a bit shy when gift giving so he’ll leave it in a spot he knows you will find it and go somewhere else to hide and watch your reaction.

• He might be a bit shy to try new foods, but if he knows that you really enjoy them, it might encourage him a bit. He would love to indulge in your own culture more, so he would be less timid about trying traditional foods from your cultural background!

———————-

I know this one is kinda shit, I was struggling to think of things that I haven’t already seen other creators write before and I did NOT want to steal peoples ideas 😭😭

Masterlist

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Day 21: picnic

Masterlist flufftober 🎀

Reblog if you liked it!

“Do you want more juice?” you asked softly to the man lying next to you.

Spencer had decided to take a day off due to all the stress at work and you had suggested going to the park to organize a small picnic, taking the time to prepare all the food and drinks yourself. Your boyfriend had seemed excited at the idea, even though he didn't really like being in open spaces, and after a few hours he could tell that he had quite enjoyed the activity.

You had brought fruit, nuts, cheese, some cake, juice, and sandwiches for both of you, plus a couple of books and an old radio that you thought wouldn't even work yet, but luckily it did, on which you listened to a station of romantic ballads.

“Just a little,” he murmured, handing you his glass and flashing you a smile. His hair was spread all over the blanket and his eyes were hidden behind the lenses of his glasses, instead of the usual contacts, which made him look absolutely gorgeous.

Spencer stood up just a little to drink from the straw in his glass and then set it aside, motioning for you to lie down next to him. You had taken off your shoes a long time ago and caressed his bare feet with yours while you settled your head on his biceps.

“That cloud looks like a kitten”

“Did you know that this is due to a psychological phenomenon called pareidolia?”

"Is that why that cloud looks like a kitten?"

“No, that's why you think it looks like it. Our brain finds familiar faces or shapes in inanimate objects” he smiled, looking up at the sky to try to find a way to what you were saying and concluding that, indeed, that cloud looked like a cat.

“Well then play with me. What does that one over there look like?”

“A stratocumulus”

“Wrong, he looks like a rabbit,” you laughed, turning your face a little to rub your nose against his cheek and plant a kiss on his jawline “Come on, love, you can do it. Try with that one over there”

“That looks like…” he started to say, humming just enough to stretch out the last word, and then he struggled for a few seconds to think of a correct answer. “A four-fingered hand?”

The sound of your laughter filled the air and he felt slightly embarrassed by his lack of imagination, although he also joined you in laughter.

“In fact it does, a little bit. It's like an amorphous hand."

“I don't want to play this anymore.”

New bursts of laughter came and when your stomach hurt there was silence, with the two of you just dedicating yourself to observing the blue sky and feeling the fresh breeze from the countryside. Spencer reached out to grab a piece of cheese and he gave it to you to bite into, eating the rest after that.

"How do you feel now?"

“Better,” he confessed to you and you turned your head to watch him while he spoke “It's just that spending so much time on cases and traveling and doing profiles suddenly becomes overwhelming, you know?”

“Oh, I can imagine it, honey.”

“And I like being here with you. You help me make the rest of the things seem... smaller. Less worrying”

Hearing that comforted you and, at the same time, made you feel an enormous responsibility towards him. You wanted to make him happy and you wanted him to be able to find a safe place in your arms: a corner in the world where nothing but you mattered.

You couldn't respond with anything more than an enthusiastic kiss on his lips, which you broke for a second just to get rid of his glasses. You leaned against your elbows so you could reach better places and Spencer just let himself go, enjoying the feeling of your lips gently caressing his.

“I love you so much, you know that, right?” you said quietly, feeling drunk with love and still with your eyes closed “And whenever you need a break, I will support you, even if I am not among your plans”

“I know,” he murmured, a grateful tone that warmed your heart. You pulled away enough to look at him and then slid his glasses back on so he could take in the view as well.

"Do you want to go a walk?" you suggested after a while “It will do your feet good to connect with the earth.”

Normally you'd expect to hear ramblings about the pros and cons of walking barefoot in the grass, but now he looked so relaxed that you didn't even think he had the energy for it.

"In a few more minutes. For now I just want… I just want to stay here”

You nodded and settled against him again, feeling him place a kiss on your forehead. Spencer fell asleep in that position and you didn't dare wake him up, so you just stayed there for a long time to continue searching for shapes in the sky and hearing his really calm breathing for the first time in weeks.

taglist: @navs-bhat @reidwritings @tricia-shifting14 @spencerslove @vivian-555 @r-3dlips @rhiannonhippiegirl @taygrls @simp4f1 @sdddoobydoobydoo @taintedstranger @missabsey

[pomegranate-pen]

rocky headcanons. love the little homeless less than sane kitty.

A/n: ask and you shall receive! since last night, I've gotten a tsunami of lackadaisy requests- thank you all so much!! as of now requests are still open for lackadaisy, since I've been waiting for some time to make some x reader for it lol. since many people wanting some general dating headcanons for Rocky, here's a gender neutral one for all of you!:D also, to the dear anon that asked for Freckle headcanons as well in the images, I'll do that request as well!! I'm glad that Rocky is getting so much love, he's such a silly guy whose trying his best in everything.

Rocky Rickaby x gn! reader general dating headcanons!

How you possibly met Rocky would differ into two scenarios and have different results. If met him in the little daisy café, the first thing you’ll see is the small bit of elegance he shows to others and his clumsiness and silliness as he rhymes poems while putting syrup in his tea. However, if met during his actual job, which is a bootlegger for the lackadaisy speakeasy, you’d be met with someone who shows an abundant amount of elegance the first moment you see him, yet gradually as time passes he shows more of his thrill for chaos and determination to cause the most insane things to happen. A normal fight with guns becomes one involving chainsaws and trucks all of a sudden, and you’d be left with multiple questions and concerns about how exactly did you all survive such a thing.

If asked Rocky, he’d only shrug and speak about it being a daily thing, mostly happening every three nights, and you’re left with just more concern for his safety throughout it. Though, Rocky reassures that he’s got it handled.

“Rocky, you were stabbed.”

“I know right?! Who brings a knife to a gunfight?!”

“didn’t you bring a chainsaw?-“

In Rocky’s case, the one who first realizes they’re in love depends on you, this time. Because Rocky realizing it would take a few weeks, but it won’t take too long for him to notice his emotions for you aren't much platonic anymore. So if after his realization, you do like him back and try to flirt with him, he will comply and verse poems of love. If not, and you’re still unsure of your feelings for him, he’d lightheartedly flirt with you, but tries to not come off too hard that it’d overwhelm you.

First one to confess though? Most certainly Rocky. Although he can hide his negative feelings such as the thoughts about his past and some outcomes of his actions quite easily, he cannot for the life of him hide positive ones. So if he likes you, it's abundantly clear. The way he’d confess, would probably try to be with a romantic dinner date and poem, but if unlucky enough, you’d find him confessing to you while you’re both being chased down by some people who are very well-armed with guns.

If said yes, he’d be beaming. A surge of motivation causes him to grin maniacally and grab a spare gun in the back of the car, full-on throwing bottles lit up and filled with gasoline with no real aim on who whatsoever as you try to drive away. His signature laugh is booming through the streets, and he is singing some verses about finding love and whatnot.

Being in love with the cat of chaos himself, Rocky Rickaby has its perks and downsides for sure. One perk, would be how caring he is towards his partner. Having someone who is even remotely interested in him is rare, and whenever he meets someone who cares even that much, he tends to stick to them since he knows they’re the only one. So having someone interested in him in a romantic light is like he’s won the lottery, and he’s gotten the prize that he can’t afford to lose. It's nice, how caring he can be and how he’s always there when you need him, but the downside of said perk is how determined he can get at times. He will not stop until a need of yours is met or a task you mentioned not wanting to do is perfectly finished, which..with his sort of rollercoaster of luck, it leads to unwanted results and a heavy amount of mess to clean up.

He’s a romantic at heart, but his clumsy nature at times leaves him to do romantic things very poorly. For example, a love letter he makes is filled with different doodles and messy handwriting, a few hearts made from cardboard of a cookie box messily glued to the paper, and the paper itself, is quite wrinkled when given. Yet, if you thank him and tell him how much you loved the letter, he’d be smiling more than before the entire day.

Yet, there are times when the romantic action is done brilliantly well, whether it's because of his luck or just sheer focus on the subject in the situation, you do find yourself extremely flustered and touched by the things he does, and he cherishes those moment lots.

PDA is his thing and no you cannot escape it. if shown a very strong disinterest in it, sure, he’ll back off for a bit, but if not, then expect many many affectionate touches, such as hand-holding, kissing your cheek or forehead, and cuddling. He does all of those but kissing you on the lips. since he sees those moments as of much importance and believes that they should be done at only the best of times to make them even more special.

This is most likely common knowledge, but Rocky would most definitely and absolutely write poems about you. usually even, the love letters are littered in poems. whether they’re good or not depends on your taste, which he will try to accommodate to by hearing who your favorite writer or poet is.

He also definitely plays violin for you when you’re occupied with a task. He’ll say he’s your personal musician, and will do anything to satisfy the customer with his tunes, even if trying to cover a favorite song of yours perfectly in one go leads to a few strings getting loose.

If it's not obvious enough, his love language is physical affection, and gift-giving. The love language he likes to receive most, however, is words of affirmation and also physical affection. Praises and compliments mean the world to him, he plays every praise you say in his head like a mantra, and it gives him determination for the day to finish up all his tasks and see you again.

No one believes Rocky when he mentions that he has a lover, and so, when they do meet you, best to say drinks were spilled and gasps were exchanged. Some tell you to blink twice for help, while others wonder if you were as mad as he was, since you’re dating him of all people. Though, in the end, they take a liking to you, since they believe that you keep Rocky in check when it’s needed, and decrease the number of problems that he causes.

Indulge in his hobbies for even one second and expect an over-eager to share Rocky info-dumping everything he knows. If you indulge enough, you’ll even get some bits and parts about his childhood, which speaking of, he never says a word of. Usually when asked, he’ll brush it off and summarize it as him taking odd jobs since he was a child, but delving deeper into such territories will only happen if you were in a relationship with him for much more than a year, and even till that time, it will take a lot of hesitancy and excuses for him to start explaining.

He’s smitten with you, there’s no doubt about it and if you ever get into any trouble, whether you’re independent or not, he'll think that you're in desperate need of help, and will do anything he can to assist you with it. whether you actually want it or not.

In summary, a love life with him consists of many adventures and chaos, but the amount of attention and love he gives to it makes it all worth it at times. He feels lucky that someone considers him fit to be their boyfriend, and will do anything he can to keep you.

[cyn-if]

On a scale of least to most slowburn, where do all of the ROs lie? Can you tag this question with #slowburn, please?

Hmm, nothing is really set out fully yet, but if I were to say so far, from least to most slowburn like.

Everix - Is least slowburn-y. Everix is very willing to embrace romantic feelings, even in the case of their first same sex relationship.

Maverix - Is similar to Everix. Once he realizes that he wants a romantic relationship, he will only need to get over his own anxiety to embrace it.

Sam (With past relationship) - If romanced in the past, Sam will be quite willing to try and showcase romantic feelings. Although their attempts will be a little less... obvious.

Hayes - Hayes, while eager to flirt and "sleep around," doesn't actually catch feelings that easily, and will fight it a bit while they realize they may care for the MC more then needed.

Quinn - Quinn is much like Hayes, where she has fully split deeper romantic feelings from sexual feelings, and a romance with her will feature dealing with that a bit.

Sam (Without past relationship) - Sam without a past relationship, will be far less eager to approach or acknowledge any feelings they have and thus their romance path will be sigificantly more slowburnesque then with a past relationship.

[xjulixred45x]

Can you do oneshot of yandere Mephisto Pheles (Blue Exorcist) x Fem s/o who is a witch who can heal any and everything with her healing magic she can everyone else, but she can't heal herself; she is compliant, gentle and soft spoken he made her his wife, and they have a daughter together please?

Hi! I don't do one Shots, i think You mean Headcanons (or a Drabble), but okay! First Yandere x compliant Reader in a long time

Yandere! Mephisto Pheles x Willing! Witch! Reader

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: female

Warnings: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, OBSESIVE BEHAVIOR, MEPHISTO BEING MEPHISTO, MANIPULATION, MURDER, SOME OVERPROTECTION, UNHEALTY MINDSET, WILLING READER SO NO KIDDNAPING THIS TIME, strange amount of fluff. SOME SPOILERS FROM THE MANGA!

Let's say the reader belongs to a clan similar to Myodha.

who precisely practice magic and alternative medicine, medicines, herbology, poisons, etc. By combining both arts, they became quite relevant and powerful.

Thanks to this, they allied themselves with the true Cross for business purposes, since it was quite useful for them to have the Vatican as an ally in the market, apart from the fact that now they could test their knowledge on other subjects.

You guessed it, demons.

Can you imagine that Mephisto's first interaction with this family was when they were working in the laboratory/section 13?💀

Taking the above into account, Mephisto had knowledge of this family, but no more than he would have of any other family that worked with him or the order.

I saw them as interesting humans, but greedy and self-righteous.

That's when the reader comes in.

reader, despite having grown up in such a...peculiar environment, had her own convictions, her own ideas about how the family should use its resources.

They had so many medical advances, so many remedies and medicines at hand, magic that could CURE diseases, why not share that with the world?

Even if the reader knew that she could not do what she proposed, not only for her family, but for the order, she continued to maintain her position.

This was what caught Mephisto's attention. He was interested.

Coming from a "family" in which he is the black sheep himself, you could say that he sees a little of himself in the reader (only more naive and weak according to him).

But it was something he liked, he can't explain why, but he felt attracted to the sincerity of the reader.

It's like...wanting to take care of SOMETHING precious in the outside world.

I like to think that at least at first he would "try" to approach him in a more "normal" way or have a proper courtship, things like chats during work or gifts, which when received positively only fuels Mephisto's interest even more, which becomes darker with time.

I think he is one of the demon brothers who can become a yandere the fastest for someone, just a couple of days. since it does not need a romantic connection as such, but a simple INTEREST. although in this case you could say that he feels a certain connection to the "black sheep of the family" part.

I've said it before, Mephisto is a shameless yandere. When he starts to feel unusual things towards the reader, he won't hide it.

More in this case, what reader sees the red flags and says "is it really RED RED?"

Let's say that the fact that the reader is a volunteer helps a lot for Mephisto to bring out his best and worst side as a yandere.

to give an example.

Mephisto is much less oppressive with a voluntary Darling, because if she is already willing, why restrict her?

He's a clingy piece of shit, that's even if he wasn't a yandere, although at least with a willing Darling he CAN tone it down a bit. Although the reader should expect many displays of physical affection and PDA if she is going to be in a relationship with him.

He and the reader go on dates outside MUCH MORE OFTEN than if she were a kidnapped darling, for OBVIOUS reasons.

It is much calmer in several aspects. basically.

But there are also others that could worsen considerably or remain the same.

his possessiveness for example.

At first Mephisto would see the reader as something precious, something to care for and protect because of her rarity and beauty, it would take him a LONG time to see her as an equal, so sometimes (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) he would treat her in a condescending way. .

AND YOU CAN'T AVOID IT! He is millions of years old and is the third most powerful being in his universe, it would really take time (hehe) for him to see his HUMAN partner (no matter how much magic she has) as his equal.

Also an aspect that remains even with the reader being a volunteer is his level of jealousy and in a certain way overprotection.

In itself, the reason he likes Reader is because he wants to protect her from the world, Mephisto loves her, but he thinks she is too naive, deluded, so he is VERY aware of his surroundings in case there is any possible threat.

And I also mean "threat" to things like disrespect, making the reader feel bad, catcalling, etc. everything is an offense.

at least Mephisto takes care of those kinds of problems ASAP, whether it's a "little accident" or just a hit from him that pulverizes half your body.

He is needy, so he wants attention almost at all times, ESPECIALLY if it is a reader.

If there is someone who diverts their attention for too long, depending on the case, it can end very badly.

if it's a one-time thing, Mephisto will just break all their bones, but he won't kill them. but if it is something constant that they do not want to stop, then they can make peace with any god they pray to...

No one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has more right to the kindness of a reader than him, he doesn't care if she is at work or healing someone, he wants her pampering >:(

For this reason, it is most likely that when the reader begins to have a relationship with him, he will make her quit her job, although don't worry! He has it all covered. Whether through threats or other methods, he makes the reader's family comply with her demands, whatever it takes to see her happy and safe at home~

Here, ironically, it is only when the isolation stage begins. You could say that the fact that the reader accepted his advances caused him to delay, but Mephisto can only not show this side of him for so long.

Now that reader doesn't have a job to attend to, her only job is to be with him and love him, it's that simple.

However, be prepared, because once you deal with this demon, his true colors are much more evident.

For example.

would invite the reader to see how he tortures the Ex-wires, seeing it as something fun himself, he thinks it is a good way to spend time with his wife :)(and no, she can't go cure them because where is the fun in that?)

It also starts to become more obvious when the people who make him jealous/angry suddenly disappear. If the reader asks him about it, he will not give himself away, but he will not deny it either.

One would think that by now the reader would have tried to run away, hurt him, etc. because well, HE IS A HORRIBLE BEING!

but for some reason she continues to stay with him of her own free will, FOR LOVE.

and that only means that when they find out that they are going to be parents, things become between better and worse.

On the one hand, they are going to have their own little family! but on the other hand, Mephisto's tendencies will not only be directed towards his wife, but also towards his daughter.

Contrary to what most people say, I think that if Mephisto had a baby with his partner, he would be just as obsessive and jealous with the baby as with his mother, it's simple instinct.

When the reader becomes pregnant, it means TOTAL and absolute isolation. there are no buts.

Although Reader goes for a walk from time to time because it is good for her, it will always be with Mephisto, since she doesn't even trust anyone else for that type of tasks.

reader WILL BE CONCENTRATED LIKE YOU CAN'T IMAGINE, I already did it before this, but now? multiply it by 3.

Mephisto can set up the nursery in less than 3 seconds with a snap of his fingers, but at least he has the decency not to decorate it like he would decorate his room😅(with anime things).

Mephisto is quite anxious about the task, and definitely brings the reader's relatives to help in that area.

He tries to act as usual, but deep down he is terrified that the demon baby will kill his wife.

although she definitely throws all that out the window when the girl is born and the reader is fine.

and you bet, he becomes a platonic yandere for his daughter too!

You could say that he has a special bond with his daughter by being 1- a demon who from the beginning makes it easier for him to see her as an "equal" and 2- a human hybrid, the beings that he finds so interesting.

Plus, she is his daughter and the only human he has been able to love in such a twisted way in millions of years. How could he not love this little creature?

This daughter's life will be complicated, to say the least.

although at least it has its good sides having the whole family.

Mephisto, despite his tendencies, is a... decent father? it's fun. The girl never has a boring time with him.

I mentioned it in another post, he is the mad hatter. His daughter is his Alice. and reader here would be your queen of hearts.

I can definitely see Mephisto teaching his yandere tendencies to his daughter as "normal" or as "a way to protect mom from the outside world" which depending on the case, could make Mephisto have an ally or the reader have a way of knowing when Mephisto is lying to him.

Like I said, it's complicated.

but when Mephisto has his own tendencies towards his daughter.

although at least his daughter has her mother to keep Mephisto a little more in line. a bit.

It's a strange, twisted family life, they love each other, but at what cost...

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

SO SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY!! this year is being kind of shit for me, hope when collage it's over to Open the Requests again and make them ON TIME.

SORRY AGAIN FOR TAKING SO LONG. AND THANKS FOR THE REQUESTS

[animeyanderelover]

Anonymous asked: Can I please request Sebastian and Claude falling for a darling who is Ciel's older sister?

Darling is 18+.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, jealousy, manipulation

Darling is Ciel's older sister

Sebastian Michaelis

🐈‍⬛Sebastian’s end goal is a simple and familiar one. Ciel is nothing more than his temporary master until he can devour his soul after the contract is fulfilled. It isn’t supposed to be more complicated yet when Ciel returns and his sister comes running to him with tears in her eyes, Sebastian is in a daze when he’s confronted with your soul. It’s absolutely enchanting and he can’t help but stare a bit before you notice the odd man behind your younger brother who introduces himself to you as the new butler. You have a sharp intuition and sense that something is strange about him, Sebastian admires that. It’s all confirmed when he repairs the burnt mansion in less than a day that you confront both of them about it, pointing out how this man can’t possibly be a human. Sebastian watches amused as Ciel tries to come up with an excuse, stuttering in front of his older sister and her penetrating gaze. Seems like even his master is helpless in front of his older sister. You see right through every lie of his, Sebastian essentially letting his master doing this all alone. It isn’t until you pull Ciel protectively behind you and glare at him that he ends up taking action.

🐈‍⬛You’re afraid of the demon but not even a creature of hell will separate you from your brother again. Ciel insists that it’s going to be fine since Sebastian will listen to him but you can’t help but be distraught when you hear of the condition for the demon to serve Ciel. You beg your brother to not go through with the plan, terrified to lose your only family left yet Ciel is determined to get his revenge. Sebastian himself reminds you that he can’t break off the contract anymore, it’s too late for that. You end up despising the demon because he’s going to take your brother away from you and Sebastian finds himself actually a bit bothered. You coldly ignore him or glare silently at him, although you’re wise enough to not lose your composure. Ciel doesn’t plan to change your mind either, he understands where your strong dislike comes from. Sebastian on the other hand quite enjoys your presence since your snarky yet collected and graceful. You’re such a enrapturing little thing with an outstanding soul. Since he is the butler of the house, you spend a lot of time around him too.

🐈‍⬛You often catch him staring at you longer than appropriate, notice how he surrounds you as much as he can and constantly asks you if there’s anything he can do for you. You deny him at any chance you can and as soon as the other servants start working, you always come running to them for help. The glint of disapproval in his red eyes never flies over your head. You and your brother are sharp and intelligent so both of you conclude at one point that the demon has a romantic interest in you. He grows the borderline of clingy, especially if he has been away on missions in which case he always seeks you out at first, his touches grow slightly more bold as he occasionally brushes you lightly and he always injects himself in an interaction between you and another noble who tries to woo you. When you attend to balls with your family, his gaze never leaves you and there's an unsettling feeling settling in when he sees you chatting or even dancing with someone else. He always uses such chances to ask you for a dance too as soon as he has separated you from your partner, an arm tightly wrapped around your waist when he swirls you around.

🐈‍⬛ Ciel orders him at one point to stop acting like this around you, scared for his sister. There's a short flash of something akin to mild anger in Sebastian's eyes before it quickly disappears and he accepts. The demon has his composure intact differently from his young lord who is now a bit freaked out since he doesn't want someone like Sebastian near his sister. He knows that the demon takes what he wants, you won't be an exception. Sebastian can afford to stay back simply because he knows he has basically won already. As soon as the contract is fulfilled, he is free to do whatever he wants. Ciel and you know that too and it makes you sick to your stomach when you catch the butler smirking victoriously at you yet you know that there's nothing you can do nor can Ciel. Ciel on the other hand might just regret for the first time seriously the contract he formed since he never wanted you to end up forcefully with Sebastian. As some last effort to save your brother you might approach the butler and ask him to let Ciel live and in return you'll go freely with him and will accept anything he will do to you.

Claude Faustus

🕷️ His master has a weird fascination with the head of the Phantomhive company, nothing Claude cares for much. Without a doubt he has a rivalry going on with the demon of the Phantomhive boy though, Sebastian and him share a strong dislike for each other. He's heard of Ciel's older sister, a woman as graceful as clever and witty. He's never met you before though and he doesn't really pay much attention to your existence. That isn't until a ball is held and nobles like Alois and Ciel are invited. His gaze immediately goes to Sebastian as he senses his distasteful presence and the other demon stares back in a provoking manner. Then his eyes wander to the young master and the woman standing next to you and that's when he suddenly senses your soul. He's caught off-guard now that his focus isn't on the other demon anymore, your soul is absolutely delightful. Alois most likely seeks out Ciel himself to fake some friendly interaction when in reality he just wants to make him angry and Claude tags willingly along, drawn in by you. His gaze never leaves you once and you notice too.

🕷️ Sebastian catches on quickly, to Claude's great dissatisfaction. The red-eyed demon suddenly surrounds you more and prevents Claude from getting any closer to you. Additionally Alois demands Claude's presence and Sebastian just flashes him a mocking grin when he has to tag along with his own young master. His gaze never leaves you though and he gladly ignores everything Alois tells him. Sadly he never gets his desired dance with you and instead Sebastian asks you for a dance specifically to rub the other demon in the wrong spot. If Alois actually manages to get a dance with you too, Claude will silently brood and is likely to express some sort of coldness towards his own master for the rest of the evening. He's unhappy when you have to leave, unwilling to let a rarity like you leave him, all the more because of Sebastian. He spends the rest of the night pitying such a waste, as of now unaware who you really are for him. It becomes evident for him the following days though as he gradually grows more and more irritated and your scent and image linger with him. You won't go away.

🕷️ This change and loss of control irritates Claude even more as he is confused to why his feelings are acting up to the point where glitches of his true form appear. Hannah watches him warily and grows more protective of Alois. At one point she approaches Claude who snaps at her as he tries to calm down. She has attended the ball as well, she has sensed Claude's interest in you too. And now she suggests to him that you might be his mate since it would explain his behavior. Separation from a mate gnaws away at a demon's sanity after all. Honestly, the term of mates has been sort of ridiculed by Claude so far, he denies Hannah's suggestion yet in his heart he can't fully deny her words. He leaves the same night and lurks around the Phantomhive mansion, well aware that he can't get any closer since Sebastian would sense him. He catches your aura faintly though and it manages to soothe his inner turmoil a bit. He stays hours until he realizes that he has to go back or else Alois will be furious. It leaves a slight stinging to leave but at least he has confirmed Hannah's words now. You are indeed his mate. What irony.

🕷️ He's bound to Alois and has a feeling that Sebastian knows what you mean to him so Claude is in a more tricky situation. He grows angry and irritated due to your lack of presence and tends to lash out on Alois. At the same time he tries to manipulate the boy into seeing the Phantomhive more often so can be near you. When he has to get something, he often makes detours so he can pass by the Phantomhive mansion in hopes of catching a glimpse of you. He even threatens Hannah at one point to help him since otherwise he will make Alois pay since he knows what the brat means to the female demon. Claude could try to charm you but that is too draining and would take too much time. Especially since you know what he is and dislike demons since one of them will take Ciel's soul away from you. Abduction is the only option he has left, it's at least the only one the demon can see within his possessive side and growing impatience. If push comes to pull, Claude will even end the contract with Alois since the boy has grown into an utter nuisance. He will have you and he will kill anyone who stands in his way.

[hurlingsupport]

General zim x reader headcanons?

Sure thing!

Invader Zim x Gender Neutral Reader Headcanons

Irkens don't really share affection for each other. This doesn't necessarily mean that they can't, but most of the time, they're more focused on invading the galaxy.

Zim, for example, is dead set on taking over Earth for his Irken superiors; so distractions such as yourself are less than tolerated.

Why do you look like that? Why do you talk like that? What's your deal? Have you found out he's an alien? Is that why he gets this weird feeling when you're around?

Zim may at first think you're a threat given these unfamiliar feelings, especially if you act differently towards him compared to everyone else.

If you're nice to Zim, he may try and make you into a human slave. Of course you like Zim! Isn't he wonderful!?

However, as he spends more time with you (to turn you into a proper human slave of course!), he finds that you're more tolerable than he originally thought.

He even begins to... enjoy being around you! What have you done to Zim?!

Honestly, he's more likely to freak out at you than to actually come to terms with his feelings. In this case, Zim likely confronts you in his base after a day of 'hanging out', as the other worm babies call it.

You're more likely to be confused than anything, with the way Zim is describing his feelings. You may think he's going to be sick!

Although, with the way he's suddenly gone quiet as you silently observe him, getting closer and closer, you realize he may be describing a different kind of feeling.

Once you come to this conclusion, it's not easy for Zim to accept these feelings. THE Zim with some random, barely sentient bag of meat and juice?! No way! Not in a million eons!

Despite his grievances, he'll find a way to feel normal about his feelings; or at least as normal as an undercover alien can get.

He'll research what the usual human rituals are for courtship and take them way out of proportion. So, you'll probably have to give him advice on things like that yourself. After that, Zim feels quite proud of himself. Who knew Zim was such an amazing partner? Well, he knew, but now you do too!

Zim's ego grows every time he gets you something, whether it be some weird machine or dead flowers. He wholeheartedly believes any gift towards you should be honored and preserved like some sort of trophy.

You can easily knock him down a peg or two by gifting him things in return, which unexpectedly makes Zim a bit agitated. How dare you buy these candies for Zim? He's the one courting you, not the other way around!

Regardless of your intentions, he's going to take it the wrong way. Do you think Zim can't provide for himself? Do you believe you're the one courting him? Does he need to make a show of dominance? Well, if that's the case, he doesn't mind screaming, biting, or lunging at you! Those are the common acts of dominance in the creatures of Earth, yes?

To sum it up, you better explain acts of affection before you gain some unneeded injuries.

Once that's resolved, Zim is pretty decent in terms of being a partner. Sure, he may call you weird names sometimes, gift you unwanted death devices, and scream at anyone he thinks might be trying to make advances on you, but he's pretty cute when he's doing it so you can forgive all that!

Plus, he promised not to turn you into a human slave once he takes over Earth. And what's more romantic than that?

[thesnazzysharky]

Waffling about/reviewing the notes in SJSM because I think they're cool. 2/2

Make sure to check out part 1 before this one. Or don't. I'm not your mom.

Anyways, time to review some more notes (with a smidge of some theorizing this time)! These will be the randomly generated ones. Less lore, but more character in these.

Romantic Victim

At first this place just seemed cute, but I've been here for days now… I'm feeling quite parched now, and I keep getting this feeling like I am being watched by something. This is not romantic at all…

Starting with the hopeless romantic, we have our first set of notes that the player will encounter, so obviously the Romantic Victim is the most memorable and iconic of the note writers, for good reason too.

The first note has them growing to become skeptical of the place and feeling like they're being watched by something (perhaps Spooky or Taker) which most likely will make the player connect to them right of the bat as they'll probably experience a similar feeling as they walk through the first few rooms where nothing is happening.

The note could've ended there and it would've been a typical but not too bad left over horror note from someone who came here before you, but then you read the "this is not romantic at all..." line. A line that will confuse the player and perhaps get a chuckle out of them because, well, what the hell is "romantic" about this mansion?

Whatever the case, the player will get to collect more of these notes and follow the little journey of this strange individual that repeatedly uses the word "romantic" for some reason. Apparently when the romantic came here, they didn't seem to bring anything to drink, as their notes mention how they're constantly thirsty, to the point of drinking some of the ink they're using to write their notes.

Ink… Not quite quenching my thirst. Taste is terrible, stains are terrible. I don't think drinking it was a very romantic idea.

Later they are able to find a bottle of red wine though! Although its a bit strange how it's described as having no label on it and tasting metall- oh wait, that's fucking blood isn't it?

I don't think that was wine…

You don't say...

At this point it becomes clear that the romantic is not going to make it, especially when they later mention not coming across any of the notes they made, making them unsure if any progress is being made. And so, they leave their last note, accepting their romantic fate.

I think this is my last note. I'm going to die having never found my escape, but really that's not true. This place was like my escape. My escape from everything else. In the end my death is kind of romantic.

You can later find their corpse sitting in an elevator after this note and honestly it's kinda sad. In a game like this where you're completely alone and almost defenseless, to lose some form of company that you became attached to, even if it's just in the form of notes that were written by someone who passed long before you, is tragic. Especially with how they went out...

Then you realize the goofy ass pose that they died in lmao.

I mean, hey, they did go out in a pretty romantic way. They're straight up stylin with this snazzy ass pose! Now that's a way to go out!

We're not done with them just yet however, as they actually make a comeback in Endless Mode!

Aha! Yet again I have cheated the grave and shall proceed to escape these confines. While the thought of my death being quite romantic did cross my mind I believe my escape shall be profusely more so.

They claim they have cheated death somehow and plan to escape. Later notes mention how they suddenly feel healthy and no longer feel thirst or hunger; along with coming across the specimens, although they are no longer aggressive towards them. The eleventh note makes it clear as to what is going on.

A strange ghost girl appeared before me today in a rather upset and unromantic manner. She claims I am not doing my job and that I should report to my commanding officer immediately. I boldly stated that I have no commander as I drift wherever the wind takes me as I follow my own romantic journey. To this she acted confused and slowly sunk into the floor.

And so our pal catches a very minor case of being dead and becoming a ghost. Except they don't even realize they're dead.

I am beginning to wonder why I haven't required sustenance in what I guess has been more than two weeks. I at first theorized that tiny food particles are emitted into the air. I now know what a foolish thought that was since it is clear that I have been granted immortality as a romantic artist.

The next note mentions their skin changing, again, hinting that they're a ghost now. It also mentions that they have a romantic partner outside of the mansion and they believes that despite being a transparent ghost now, their partner will still care for them no matter what once they reunite. Not much to say on that other than I think it's quite cute, albeit a bit sad, since they don't realize they're trapped in the mansion and won't be seeing their partner anytime soon.

I noticed something strange today. My skin color has changed. I know this is probably ordinary since I haven't seen the sun in quite some time but it just came as a shock to me. But I know my romantic partner is out there and they will care for me no matter how transparent my skin becomes.

In the last note they wrote, Spooky comes to greet them once again... taking away their pen privileges once she had enough of their bullshit lol.

The ghost girl has returned and is glaring at me while I write this. She again claims I have a job here and that I'm not fulfilling it correctly. I tell her whatever job she thinks I have doesn't sound very romantic. She seems angrier now and states that if I don't stop she will take my pen privile___

Overall, I really like the Romantic Victim as a character and what they add to the game. Their simple, but still very charming character trait as a romantic makes them very memorable compared to if they were just some ordinary dude who wrote like an ordinary person; and it's because of their charm is probably why the player will end up getting attached to them despite never being able to interact with them. That said, there's some cool little details and depth with them. Such as how their first few notes are written in a dramatic and I guess fancy sort of way. Using double spacing and ellipsis to sell the affect.

But by the time they write their last note, this act and style of writing is dropped. Which actually makes this note more sad since it really shows that the romantic doesn't have the will to go on anymore.

There's also the neat detail of why they constantly use the word "romantic". They don't mean romantic as in love, but romantic as in an artistic sense; think of the Romantic Era of history for example. The notes found in Endless Mode make it more clear when they mention romanticism and how they're a romantic artist. A pretty subtle but neat joke.

I would say the notes they leave are great for beginner players as they basically tell them exactly what the tone of this game will be.

A mix between serious and unsettling horror (the romantic feeling like they're being followed, drinking ink out of desperation, and unknowingly drinking a bottle of blood) and goofy satire and comedy (the romantic using the word "romantic" in a situation that doesn't fit it and their corpse just being a cartoonish skeleton in a sexy pose).

Not to mention that the notes they leave in Endless Mode are probably the funniest notes in the whole entire game for me, especially when Spooky shows up and is baffled by their... nature.

Conclusion? They're a little confused, but they got the spirit. I hope they got to reunite with their partner at some point in the afterlife. 5/5

Tropes Victim

This place is finally starting to affect me. I've seen enough horror movies to know how to survive a simple ghost or two, but these monsters keep getting faster and stranger.

Looks like someone has caught main character syndrome. This person seems to have came here more prepared and got further than the romantic victim as they mention the specimens getting faster and stranger as they continue forward.

What makes them interesting though is that homie really thinks that just because they watched some horror movies and know typical horror cliches and tropes; they will survive due to being the "main protagonist".

Well I still haven't died so it appears I might be the protagonist, but I'm not entirely sure. I hope I'm not some side character that leaves notes for pointless exposition. Also I found a strange computer that gave descriptions of the monsters. And it seems like they are called 'effective' based on how many people they kill.

Who's gonna tell them? Anyways, the tropes victim seems to be taking a jab at the mfs who think they would survive if they were in a horror media due to knowing the tropes or thinking they would have better common sense than the victims who end up being killed. I really like it! Feels fitting to have this character in a game like this.

Something else to be said about them that I find quite funny is their second note.

In order to survive this house I need to keep writing notes. I must do everything a central protagonist would and hope this is one of those stories. 'Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow'

The "Insert Obscure horror reference that no one gets and misinterprets as instructions somehow" line is chuckle worthy when you first read it, but it becomes even better when you learn about what it originally said in older versions of the game.

The "tall man character" in question being a reference to Slenderman. However, some players didn't pick up on this and thought it was a genuine hint towards an enemy that could potentially be summoned by picking up too many notes. So, that lead to those players not picking up any notes and thus missing out on a big portion of the game. I feel bad for Kira. That must have been frustrating lol.

Anyways, I find tropes to be entertaining and fun. I love the self aware humor with them and they have some of the funnier notes in the game. Although I appreciate that's not all there is to them, as they do drop some hints towards what's going on with the mansion. Such as how the specimens are called effective based on how many people they kill and that the souls of the victims could be related to how effective they are as well. They also, similar to the Romantic Victim, went out pretty boldly. Completely accepting their fate as they realize they can be killed off due to not having traditional traits of a protagonist; confirming that they are indeed a side character.

It's sad to see yet another past victim lose all hope of surviving, but he does note that it was at the very least a nice experience for awhile. 5/5

Survivalist Victim

DAY 2. Food supply depleted. Water supply at 30%. Mental health deteriorating, leaving notes behind to help others and mark where I've been.

This victim's notes are on the more serious and dramatic side as they write down about each day they have been at the mansion and the steady decrease in resources and overall mental stability.

While the notes of the Romantic and Tropes Victim's have them start off doing pretty decently as they go through the mansion before their last notes shows them giving up entirely, the notes from this poor soul show how they were fucked from the start. Only 2 days and they had already ran out of food, become low on water, and their mental health is deteriorating.

Their journey doesn't become any better once they start having hallucinations and violent heart palpitations. Not to mention sleep deprivation and running low on phone battery.

They also start to question why they came to the mansion in the first place and that the hallucinations can apparently hurt them now (perhaps something to do with Specimen 5 or 7).

DAY 5. I can't remember. Why did I come here? Was there ever a purpose? I believe death is steadily approaching me now. The hallucinations can hurt me, I'm out of provisions, and I'm having sudden violent heart palpitations.

Judging by how quick they were to lose their mind, something tells me that the survivalist might have had some psychological problems similar to our protagonist and perhaps they came to the mansion for a not very happy reason...

Whatever the case, just like the previous victims, they end up writing one last note about accepting their fate. And boy does this one go hard in particular.

DAY 7. I can't tell the real from unreal anymore. My limbs refuse to move the way I want them to. I feel like I'm wading in a deep river that is always flowing against my direction. Now I will lay down and let the river flow over me. I will let it guide me to it's end. I know where I'm going anyway. This place, this entire place, is just a gyrating screaming rock in the vastness of an infinite kingdom. I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you.

God damn you dramatic ass mf. Going to burn the whole sheet of paper with the fire you're spitting.

On a serious note though, I like how this final note has this sense of bittersweetness with the "I'm going to rest now. I'll be watching over you." line. It's oddly comforting in a way. A nice change from the previous final notes which were just grim. A shame that most won't encounter this note on their first playthrough. It's great.

I like how these notes play it fully straight and serious, showcasing the effect the mansion itself can have on some individuals and how terrible it would be to be stuck in a mansion that seemingly never ends. As you get further into the game and encounter specimens that seem scarier and harder than the other, the change in tone with these notes feels fitting.

At first I found the Survivalist Victim to be pretty boring and not as interesting as the other previous victims, but the more I think about it, the more I start to like them and what they add to the game. 5/5

Lisa's Notes

You think you're clever don't you?

I've been watching you for a while now.

Why even bother filling your lungs?

Your blood smells so thick. I can hear the vessels oozing.

Do you feel safe?

Reading these won't help you. Only death can help you.

These are all the notes from Unknown Specimen 5's encounter. Aka Lisa.

Unlike the other unknown specimens, Lisa has a decent amount of buildup to her before she chases you. The chills that went down my spine when I first read "I've been watching you for a while now" and later kept getting more notes from faded Specimen 1's was a very memorable experience. SJSM at its best! Unfortunately these notes don't have much to them aside from being creepy and the effect they have is pretty much lost on a repeated playthrough of Endless Mode. They still leave a very good first impression though. 3/5

Child Victim

Mommy and Daddy love me very much! They told me they were throwing me a party!

And here we have the most depressing notes in the whole entire game.

This child's parents were apparently throwing a party at the mansion for some odd reason (I'll get into that later), but when the child actually goes there, their parents are nowhere to be found.

As they eat some of the cookies they were given for their "party", they wander around the mansion, confused and hearing strange noises, wondering if all of this is a game of sorts.

Later they end up falling down a hole. Hurting their leg and crying from the pain, eventually falling to sleep from exhaustion. They leave one final and ominous as hell note that states the following.

I fell asleep. My leg still hurts. I see Daddy he came for me.. It's not Daddy.

Okay. Despite these notes being very brief, there's a handful of things to say about them. First off, the child states that their parents were throwing them a party and said party took place at the mansion. Isn't that... kinda strange and suspicious? Why would these parents throw a child's party at a mansion where anyone who goes in never comes out? Even if they didn't knew about the mansion's past history for some reason, it's still pretty damn weird to throw a party at an old and seemingly long abandoned mansion. Why couldn't they just throw a party at their house? Or a relative's house? Or a friend's house? Or a picnic? Or basically any other common options to throw a party at that doesn't involve old and decrepit building's?

Considering the fact that the parents don't even show up anywhere at the "party" and the child was just given a basket of cookies and presumably not much else might imply this was done on purpose. The child states that "Mommy and Daddy love me very much!", but we don't know if that's actually true. The child could be an unreliable narrator in this case. They are a young and naive kid after all. A young and naive kid that could have had abusive or neglectful parents, but due to their young age and underdeveloped brain, they never recognized this. So what's going on here? Here's my thoughts. These supposed "parents" told their child they were going to throw a "party" for them. This wasn't an actual party. This was something to get rid of their child permanently. We don't know what events could have lead up to this, but it seems likely that these "parents" grew tired of raising their child and wanted to find a way to dispose of them. Perhaps through hearing about how those who enter into the mansion never come out or just hoping their kid gets lost, they send them to the haunted mansion on the hill. Giving the kid some cookies so they could eat and live for awhile. Hoping that they either die from starvation and thirst, get adopted by someone else, or meet some other grim fate. Whichever option worked.

So the child goes there, wandering the mansion for awhile, falls down a hole, and encounters a specimen that they at first think is their dad, but unfortunately it isn't. As for what specimen killed them, the likely answer is either Specimen 2 or 9. They're both human in appearance and I highly doubt the kid made it that far. You could say it's also possible they fell all the way down to Specimen 6's locale, but it's unlikely they would survive a fall like that.

Assuming that most of this theory is true... than holy shit! It was already depressing before, but this is 100 times worse!

Overall, I love how dark and tragic these notes are. Especially because it shows just how twisted and apathetic Spooky is by letting children just as old or younger than her die horribly in this place. Not to mention some of the ambiguity with what's going on with the parents or what specimen killed the child is great too.

Simple on the surface, but a decent amount of depth. 5/5

Spelling Errors Victim

DAy 1 I have enterd a spoopy ghost mansion. I do not know how long I will be here but I hope not too long.

Let's lighten up the mood by talking about this person who seems to have failed English class.

Similar to Survivalist Victim, this victim writes about the amount of the days they have been at the mansion.

Their first few days has them being almost completely indifferent to the mansion and its scares. Stating that a "spook" they came across wasn't as scary as they seen in some horror games; and that not having wifi was the scariest thing about the mansion. All while having some pretty bad grammar and spelling still not as atrocious and Godzilla stroke inducing as some people's grammar that I've seen on the internet, perhaps suggesting they're on the younger side, but clearly older than the Child Victim.

As they continue forward and start to run low on the cheesy curds they're eating, they state they will most likely die soon, but at least they were "hardcore" for making it pretty far on their (kinda) frightful journey.

Their last note has them die to a specimen coming closer to them in a hallway. Most likely Specimen 9.

Day 7 While I am at the end of my ropes I shall press on anyway. I have eating the last of the cheese curds and haven't found any new food. There is something down the hallway I believe. It's getting closer. OH whyyy. why has this has to happen to me?

Judging by the use of words like "spoopy" or "hardcore" and being the most concerned about not having internet instead of the literal monsters that could kill them; this person seems to have spent a lot of time on the internet. They definitely look like an irl nerd emoji behind those notes 100% lol.

At first I thought this writer's main gimmick was being indifferent to the mansion, but the spelling errors are the cherry on top and you get some pretty damn funny notes as a result. They're solely comic relief and don't have the same depth to them as the Tropes or Romantic Victim's, but I still enjoy them. 4/5

Jasper Midnight

NOTE I Dear Reader, I am known as Jasper Midnight. I appear to be trapped within a house of horrors so to speak. While at first glance I thought this was nothing more than a carnival fun house with scary pop outs and irritating ambience it has lasted quite longer than I expected. I am going to write these notes as I journey on in order to inform any unfortunate souls that follow me. Sincerely, JM

For the first time we have a victim that gives us their actual name. Or at least a nickname they're known by.

His first note has him write about how he thought the mansion was supposed to be a fun house of sorts while roaming in it, but then he realized he was trapped here. Deciding to write notes to inform any future victims. A typical start so far.

Things get more interesting however when he mentions encountering Specimen 3 in his second note. The way he describes the encounter is oddly casual and calm. Describing it to be a "glorious yet somewhat unfulfilling encounter". Sure is a weird way to describe an encounter with a spiderpede, but maybe he's just built different.

We learn in the third note and beyond that bro isn't just only unfazed by the horrors around him. He fucking loves them and this twisted mansion.

NOTE III Dear Reader, This mansion just continues to get better. I found a room today that was delightfully themed around rusted and abandoned asylums. I say 'themed' simply because it was too perfect to be real. I even found strange creatures holding onto the grated floor writhing in some sinister dance. Sincerely, JM

Damn. Guess he is built different. Especially because later notes show he actually makes it pretty far in the mansion. Encountering and surviving Specimen 8.

The rest of the notes basically show how much he genuinely loves being in the mansion. Morbidly describing it as a "nightmare without the haze of sleep or a daydream you would have while drowning" and that this journey has been "life changing" for him. Overall it seems like he enjoys all aspects of life, both the horrific and the bliss, and that is why he loves the mansion.

NOTE VI Dear Reader, The world is an ashtray, constantly burning out. It is full of hardship, turmoil, happiness, and love. And all of it is beautiful. Sincerely, JM

Unfortunately the last note has him die through unknown means. He takes like a champ as expected though.

NOTE VII Dear Reader, My life is spent, my fire snuffed. My body shakes and ejects blood. I cannot go any further though I wish I could. Continue after me and witness the beauty of the world. Witness the terrible and terrific. Sincerely, JM

The idea of someone being enthralled by the mansion was an interesting one and Jasper is a very lovable character because of it. Dude is just having the time of his life and honestly after these notes? I feel like he would be a fun and chill dude to hang with, even if he's a bit odd.

Easily one of my favorite note writers. 5/5

Spooky's Notes

Research Report #153 Through the spider portal I have come across a plethora of new horror designs for Specimen 1 as well as some new ways of recruiting soldiers. In today's dive I discovered a cluster of webs centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking. I will continue to research this particular web cluster.

To my surprise, these notes are written by the silly big bad herself! Spooky!

Some very interesting notes we have here as they don't follow the traditional formula that the previous notes had. Focusing on giving us a bit of insight into Spooky's thought process and how she went about running GL Labs and constructing her plan to build her army.

The first few notes have Spooky come across a design she could use for Specimen 1. A creature called Jeff (obvious reference to Jeff the Killer) that she found through the "spider portal". Later on she tries to gain attention from the "LP people" and their viewers so she can gain more recruits, with mixed results. The last two notes mention how another house apparently already has the title "Spooky's House of Jumpscares" and so they want Spooky to change the name of her mansion. She has the funds to fight against this, but instead decides that she would rather spend the funds on noodles and scary things... of course... Quickly summarized all of that, but that's because I want to talk about the more specific details. There's some cool stuff here!

Right off the bat I love how these notes show how unknowledgeable Spooky is of the internet. Calling it a spider portal and calling websites web clusters (get it? The world wide web). Describing one of the web clusters as being "centered around short horror experiences as well as some sort of Italian cooking" (referencing creepypastas). Describing how she believes there are multiple Jeff's and some are crossbreeding with other monsters (possibly referring to AU's and OC's or maybe even ships). And describing YouTubers, specifically the gaming ones, as "LP people. She also doesn't understand the concept of spam, thinking people were genuinely referring to her advertising campaign as the canned meat product.

It's an interesting and cute addition to her character and it makes sense considering she died in the 60's. I also love how her childish side is shown in these notes in general. Girl literally stabbed one of her workers to death because they gave some minor criticism and later wanted to spend her funds on some noodles actually maybe that one is pretty fair. That part being particular because it implies that Spooky had the chance to kill the protagonist at basically any point in the base game and DLC's. She just chooses not to, which is interesting. Although I guess it has something to do with the "dying tragically enough to become a ghost" thing. Maybe outright killing her victims doesn't cut it.

The cherry on top of all this being the name change of Spooky's House of Jumpscares to Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion due to a copyright claim from some shitty mobile company having a canonical explanation in-universe.

I guess the only criticism I have is that for someone who's supposed to be 12 years old, Spooky sure does have some good grammar, descriptive language, and knows her big girl words. Although I guess it's not that hard to believe that she had plenty of time to expand on her writing and vocabulary in the few decades she has been at the mansion. So I'll let it slide. Absolute gold all around. 5/5

Vlogger

So um, I am writing notes down. I think that is the correct thing to do in this situation. I was filming the mansion for my urban exploration video channel but I think I'm trapped and I ran out of battery on my cameras hours ago.

Decided to save the most interesting for last. Here we have yet another victim. This one being an urban explorer with an interest in vlogging.

Usual deal as always with the first note. He realizes he is trapped in the mansion; the camera that he was using to film a video having long run out of batteries.

Later he comes across some elevators, but just like in the game, he has no choice but to go down. All he can do is hope that they'll stop at some point. More time passes and he encounters some Specimen 1's and is starting to run out of food and water. Pressing forward, he comes across Deer Lord's area where he grabs a particular weapon to defend himself.

Well readers, I found a greenhouse or garden area. It was pretty neat but it didn't help me much. I did find a cool Sickle thing in a 'tree'. I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this really uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself.

A sickle... intriguing...

Later on, he encounters more specimen locales.

Hey everyone, I wish my cameras had battery left. I found some really cool areas of this building. Some looked like a school of sorts and another might have been some kind of in house restaurant. I found some frozen (meat) there, but I'm not sure if I should attempt to eat it or not.

As he continues exploring in intrigue at first, he decides that he has had enough of the place as he thinks he's in life threatening danger now (Compared to before? More on this later...).

Okay guys, I am done with this place. As interesting as it may be I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here. I can't imagine it going on much longer and I've gone way too far down to get back up now.

Then we have this note that reveals the twist.

Well readers, I think I'm near an exit. I found another mansion like area. I feel really tired so I'm going to take a break here.

We're not done yet of course, but it looks like this vlogger fella really is the current host of Specimen 12. Making him the only human note writer that we see still alive in the game.

Moving onto the notes we find in Specimen 12, the vlogger assumes that he had finally found a resting place.

What is this? Wow, what a mansion! Inside another mansion. Maybe I've made it all the way to the end of the house. Maybe this is like a resting place or another entrance perhaps? Whatever the case, I think this is a good spot to rest.

He later becomes skeptical as he finds out the bricks and wood are just painted on and nothing inside the mansion feels real. He also claims to hear movement and voices below him, assuming them to be from other survivors.

Things go south real fast however as the third note jarringly shows our vlogger friend being paranoid and trying to hide from "him". As it turns out, this was not a resting place at all.

I can hear him coming down the hallway! I need to hide, but I don't know where. I now know this is not an exit or a resting place. It is just another specimen room! I think he's outside the door now.

At this point the vlogger has become full on paranoid now. Constantly hearing whoever his killer is despite knowing they're not there. Making him assume that the killer isn't even real but instead his own fears stalking him. They stumble around a bit before coming to this conclusion.

I have a theory. I think it's this pseudo mansion. I think it's playing with my head. I still hear him… I must find that man and kill him with the sickle I found in the forest…

Considering he's the current host now, he really did kill him... unknowingly dooming himself in the process. Now he has become Specimen 12's current host. Controlled like a puppet and forced to roam the mansion and murder anyone who enters it.

Now obviously I fucking love all of this and think it's very well done. When you're playing the base game for the first time, the twist of the killer being the one writing the notes in the locale is pretty good. However, the twist of this vlogger being the one to become Specimen 12's current host is even better! From one plot twist to another.

Now, I do want to theorize about one last thing with this victim. Something that I find interesting and odd is that the notes seem to imply that the vlogger never actually encountered any of the major specimens. What do I mean by this? Let's run things back.

Hey guys, so there are these weird pop outs that appear to be cardboard. I guess this was or is a theme ride of some kind. I just keep going down but I don't have much choice. All in all it's not that bad.

This is the third note written by the vlogger and yet it's the first time a specimen of any kind is mention or alluded to. Specimen 1 in this case. He also mentions that his experience so far is not that bad. This is strange to me for a simple reason.

The previous note has him mention going in elevators (plural) that only go down and yet judging by this note, he's only just now encountering Specimen 1. The "All in all it's not that bad." line seems to imply that he has only encountered Specimen 1 and nothing else so far. I heavily doubt he would write that if he got chased by one or more of the specimens.

Things become more odd when we get to notes 5 and 6. Where he encounters Specimen 8, 4, and 11's locales. Yet again, none of the specimens are mentioned or even alluded to.

When he gets to Deer Lord's locale, he finds the sickle, but there's no mention of Deer Lord himself or any violent deer. There's also the specific wording he uses here.

Well readers, I found a greenhouse or garden area. It was pretty neat but it didn't help me much. I did find a cool Sickle thing in a 'tree'. I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this really uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself.

"I normally don't steal from the places I explore but I have this uneasy vibe from this place and I want something to defend myself." So apparently the vlogger is only now getting an uneasy vibe from the place, odd, and they want something to defend himself because of it. Again, implications of not encountering any of the specimens. If he was getting chased previously, than I find it odd how he even hesitates grabbing a weapon to defend himself for even a split second. That and I feel like he would be more descriptive than just describing the mansion as "uneasy".

It's a similar deal with the other locales he encounters.

Hey everyone, I wish my cameras had battery left. I found some really cool areas of this building. Some looked like a school of sorts and another might have been some kind of in house restaurant. I found some frozen (meat) there, but I'm not sure if I should attempt to eat it or not.

Once again, the locales are there and mentioned, but not the specimens. He also describes the areas as "cool" and talks about them very casually and calmly. He even wishes his camera still had battery so he could've filmed those areas. If he was being chased or encountered any of the specimens, I doubt that he would be concerned about that. Or at the very least it wouldn't be the first thing on his mind in place of wanting to leave and survive.

Okay guys, I am done with this place. As interesting as it may be I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here. I can't imagine it going on much longer and I've gone way too far down to get back up now.

This is the note where the vlogger reaches his breaking point. Of course, he did mention clearly wanting to leave the mansion in previous notes, but here he seems 100% desperate to leave. Which is curious to me considering he seemed to be slowly warming up to the place in his previous note.

He mentions that as interesting as the mansion is, he thinks he's in life threatening danger. Keyword think. Not "I'm actually in life threatening danger here" but "I think I'm actually in life threatening danger here". Again, nothing explicit is being stated. In this case, I'm not sure if the vlogger is saying this because he's realizing he's close to dying of starvation and thirst or because he encountered something that gave him a reason to think "Oh fuck. I might actually die here."

Either way, it's interesting how throughout all these notes he hasn't mentioned any of the specimens aside from Specimen 1 and overall seems very calm and casual until this note here.

And it's not like he's just built different like the Spelling Errors Victim who was almost completely indifferent to the horrors of the mansion or Jasper who was having the time of his life. When he gets to Specimen 12 and encounters a threat that can kill him, he shows genuine fear in his writing and is clearly becoming paranoid and delusional from being in the fake mansion. He does have a certain brave side to him in some of his notes, he is a urban explorer after all, but we have no reason to believe he's completely fearless and has massive balls of steel.

I'm not 100% sure what Kira was trying to imply with all of this, but I have two explanation that makes the most sense to me. The first explanation is that some of the specimens simply weren't there yet. Assuming that there was a decent gap of time between each of the specimens being found, retrieved, and placed into the mansion, the vlogger may have been at a more or less early point of the mansion's history of gathering specimens. Meaning the mansion didn't have all 13 of the specimens.

What made me consider this theory is that all the locales that the vlogger mentions belong to the Hellgate specimens (those being 4, 8, and 11). So my thought process is that while he's coming across the locales, those specimens haven't been summoned from the Hellgate yet. The locales being there at all does suggest that GL Labs was in the process of trying to retrieve them. As the game more or less implies that the areas that some of the specimens hang around in are supposed to be a recreation of sorts to fit the specimen. For example, the mansion doesn't actually have a real school in it, but rather a recreation of one that Ringu can chill in, since a school was the environment Ringu previously roamed in.

So under this theory, the vlogger has been in the mansion for a long while. Makes sense given the current age we see him in during the base game, assuming that he was more younger while he was vlogging.

The second explanation is that he's an unreliable narrator. To give credit to this post, it's possible that the vlogger is masking his fears by writing down notes about his experience in the mansion, but not about any of the specimens or other paranormal things going on. What better way to make yourself feel better in a nightmare scenario than by writing about that nightmare scenario as if it's just a minor inconvenience?

To add to this idea, maybe he's doing this not only because he wants to hide his fears, but also because he thinks that if he'll make it out and show others the notes he has written about all the crazy shit going on in the mansion, nobody will believe him and think he's a lunatic. By writing about an unnerving but still somewhat believable experience of being stuck in a huge mansion, people would give more credit to him instead of looking down upon him. That way he can cope better overall if he were to make it out.

This could explain why the notes in Specimen 12's area are written a bit differently. He doesn't address his viewers in those notes and it seems like they're written solely for himself. Giving us a clear picture that shows us that he is truly scared of this place and the situation he's in now that he's no longer trying to hide it by acting like there's nothing going on in the mansion.

Both theories area likely possibility to me and I really like the second one because it makes Vlogger's character more complex and interesting. Especially if you take into account that the vlogger/old man is supposed to be a parallel to the protagonist. With both of them seemingly having trouble with the social "mask" or persona they present to the outside world that isn't truly who they are.

Either way, the vlogger is definitely one of the more developed note writers and I love him for that. Some great twists with some nice room for speculation. Gonna give him a six out of five. Just very interesting to me. 6/5

Conclusion

I really love the notes in this game and think they're the most underappreciated aspect of the game. It's really cool and impressive to me how Kira was able to make these notes offer some genuine horror or comedy to the game while also making each writer a bit different from one another just based on how they write. The overall lore or room for speculation they provide is also well done too. Telling you just the right amount that you need to know. Maybe not everything, but at least most of the info that is necessary. Leaving you to speculate and fill in some gaps on your own.

When I first started this, I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say about these notes, but in the end there's actually a lot more to say than I thought!

A bit tiring but still fun project this was. Thank you for reading and have a snazzy day.

[pollenallergie]

Perks of Being a Dad

AN: Eddie Munson is a sensitive guy, an amazing dad, and also a scheming lil genius. In other words, Eddie cons his goobers into giving him some extra special affections one Sunday morning. Thank you so, so much to @sw34terw34ther for helping me name Eddie's youngest and for beta-reading this for me! <3

Word Count: 1.9k

CW: Brief mentions of the reader being pregnant in the past (though their gender identity is never stated). Also, the reader is mentioned but isn't actually present in the fic. It's not really implied/stated that Eddie is a rockstar in this fic, but it is part of my dad!rockstar! Eddie AU.

Eddie’s a sensitive person, and not just in the emotional sense. When he was younger, he was hypersensitive to just about everything; sensory overload was frequent for Eddie as a kid. However, he mostly grew out of that, no longer being quite as picky about tastes, scents, sounds, or visuals, though he is still slightly more particular than the average person. Nevertheless, one acuity he’s never truly outgrown is his tactile sensitivity. For as long as he can remember, Eddie’s always been picky about certain textures and when and how people touch him. Of course, now that he’s older, he’s a bit less finicky about those things. Even so, Eddie still loathes the feeling of crushed velvet and has to stifle a gag every time he removes the little cotton ball from a brand-new bottle of medicine. Likewise, Eddie has also maintained his sensitivity to other people’s touch. 

In 1987, when you two first met at one of his gigs, you had cradled his forearm in your hands so that you could write the digits of your phone number on his alabaster, freckled skin. Though your touch was so light that it was barely there, it’d caused every little nerve under his skin to shoot off like fireworks, making a warm, fuzzy feeling spread all over his body. As romantic as that sounds, that sort of sensation wasn’t necessarily exclusive to your touch. 

One time, Mr. Rothering, his former algebra teacher and the bane of his existence during his sophomore year, accidentally brushed up against a fifteen-year-old Eddie Munson as he waded through the aisles of desks to hand back their most recent tests and, even though Eddie was in no way attracted to that sneering son of a bitch, his nerves had gone into a frenzy in much the same way they had when you’d first made contact with him several years later. Although, in that case, the feeling was much less intense than it had been with you; Eddie reasons that Mr. Rothering’s vile aura most likely dulled it. 

As a father, Eddie is still subjected to this sensation, even when the touch that triggers it comes from the hands of his sweet babies, Marley, Jude, and Rowan. Granted, his familiarity with them has conditioned him to the resulting sensation, but it still occurs all the same. However, in the case of his little tadpoles (something he’s called his kids ever since the twins were mere embryos growing in your womb), his pure adoration for them gives that odd, fuzzy feeling a warm, wholesome, serene edge to it, so much so that it calms his mind and his body. Eddie luxuriates in the affections — or, as they’re often referred to in the Munson household, ‘sugars’ — that his little goobers give him. Eddie loves it all, from their clumsy hugs to their warm snuggles, even their slobbery kisses and ornery play-wrestling.

Nevertheless, Eddie’s love for his precious little loves and their magical sugars isn’t enough to fill the void of your touch and the divine sensations it brings, something he’s been without for a grueling twenty-four hours since you left yesterday morning for a work trip. Eddie’s been yearning for your affection from the moment he dropped you off at the airport. Today, he’s specifically craving one of your life-altering, all-powerful back rubs, which Eddie swears can cure even the sourest of moods in mere minutes. He misses the gentle caress of your fingertips and the incomparably blissful sensations they leave in their wake. This constant yearning for a relaxing back rub, combined with the knowledge that the twins have recently been learning to draw shapes at daycare, gives Eddie a brilliant idea on this wonderfully lazy Sunday morning. 

Eddie lounges on the couch watching cartoons, shirtless and sporting the Star Wars-themed pajama pants Wayne gifted him last Christmas. The twins are snuggled up on either side of him while little Ro is reclining in his lap, all three still in their jammies, sporting coordinating, but not perfectly matching, sets of nautical-themed jammies you’d gotten from Gymboree. Suddenly, Eddie heaves a dramatic yawn, snuggles his kids closer, and gently traces his calloused fingertips up and down one of each of the twins’ short, chubby arms, buttering them up with some sugars of his own. Jude, his snugglebug, almost immediately responds to these sugars with a pleasant little coo, conveying his happiness. However, Marley and Rowan are too far gone; the elder sister is too enthralled in Tom and Jerry’s reruns to notice her dad doting on her while the younger sister is happily snoozing away in Eddie’s lap. Armed with the knowledge that he has at least one of his kids’ attention, Eddie decides to strike while the iron is hot. 

“Daddy’s tired,” Eddie remarks lazily. It’s the same warning he always offers his little ones just before dozing off for a nap. 

Upon noticing Jude’s subtle pout, he nearly loses his composure and abandons his covert mission entirely. Eddie powers through, though, not wanting to give up on the brilliant plan he’s concocted. He decides to focus on Jude, knowing that if he succeeds in roping his baby boy into his not-so-devious scheme, his little ladies will surely follow. 

“Tell you what, Joodlebug, how about I lay down on my tummy and you, my sweet boy,” Eddie pauses to boop his son’s little nose quickly, simply because he can’t resist, before continuing, “practice drawing your shapes on my back? Huh? How’s that sound?” 

Jude’s brow furrows adorably before he looks up at his dad with bright doe eyes. “Markers?” The tiny tot inquires, getting tripped up on the r’s as he does so. 

“No, bear,” Eddie gently grabs one of Jude’s little hands and taps the tip of his tiny index finger with his own, “use these. Just pretend like you’re actually drawing on me, ’kay? Sorta like those finger paintings you do at daycare, but without the paint,” he explains, chuckling softly when Jude responds with a rough nod. His son’s a very passionate little boy; Judah Bear Munson gives his all to every single thing he does, even if it’s just a simple nod of his head. 

“We got a deal, Bubba?” Eddie asks. 

Jude offers his confirmation in the form of another adorably curt nod paired with his beautiful, toothy grin. 

“Atta boy,” Eddie praises his son before gently removing the littlest of his tadpoles from his lap, carefully placing his tiny Rowboat on the couch next to her brother so as not to rouse her from sleep. He then theatrically slides off the couch and onto the floor, causing his little prince to erupt into a fit of giggles. 

Jude’s high-pitched giggles catch his baby sister’s attention, rousing the little 18-month-old girl from sleep. Rowan then calls out in a concerned, whiny tone, “Dada?” 

So much for not rousing Ro, Eddie thinks. 

“Just laying down, Ro-Bird,” he reassures his baby girl, “wanna be the bestest helper ever and toss me a pillow?” 

Rowan wordlessly responds by grabbing a throw pillow from next to her on the couch and harshly, though not maliciously, chucking it at her dad; she’s still at that funny little age where she doesn’t quite realize her own strength. Eddie miraculously catches it just before it hits him in the face and gruffs out a sarcastic, “Thanks, babe.” 

Seeing a pillow suddenly flying by her in her peripherals is enough to finally draw Marley’s focus away from the cartoon cat and mouse on the TV screen. The little three-year-old watches as her dad gets situated on the floor, rolling over to lay on his belly as he rests his head atop his crossed arms on the small pillow. Eddie then turns and looks up at his baby boy, the spitting image of himself, offering him a beaming grin. 

“Ready, Jude?” Eddie asks, prompting the little boy to nod before gracelessly flopping down onto the shag carpet beside his dad. A relaxed sigh leaves Eddie as his son begins to delicately trace shapes on his back. It’s soon accompanied by a victorious, smug grin when Marley finally pipes up and asks, “Ca’i help, daddy?” What’s meant to be ‘can I’ comes out sounding more like ‘kai,’ and that makes Eddie’s heart melt into a puddle of sticky, saccharine syrup. 

“Yeah, Mars, show me watcha got,” Eddie responds. Soon two tiny pointer fingers are drawing on his back, one from each twin. While Marley sticks to abstractly filling the expanse of his back with invisible shapes, Jude, his little artist, takes to connecting the various moles and freckles on Eddie’s back with invisible lines, forming secret constellations on his alabaster skin. 

“You guys are doing really good,” Eddie murmurs encouragingly as his eyes drowsily flutter shut. 

“Dada?” His littlest love calls out to him from the couch. 

Eddie struggles to open his eyes but somehow manages before turning his head to look up at his youngest daughter, who looks identical to you, making her your little mini-me. “Yeah, birdie?” He asks softly. 

“Snuggles?” She asks, her tone sleepy and needy. Rowan may look exactly like you, but she’s a daddy’s girl through and through. 

“Of course, babe. C’mere,” Eddie beckons her to his side with a wave of his arm, “Come snuggle with daddy, Rowboat.” 

Rowan giggles adorably at her dad’s silly nickname for her as she climbs off the couch all by herself — a big feat for someone with such short little legs — and waddles over to her dad. Eddie lifts one arm for her, and she plops down beside him, lying down and nuzzling up against his side. He wraps that same arm around his little nestling, cradling Rowan’s warm little body close to his own as she lays on her side with her back pressed against the side of his torso so that she can watch the TV as she cuddles with her dad. 

Right now, Eddie’s on Cloud 9, loving being so close to his little tadpoles, with Tad 1 and Tad 2 (his nicknames for the twins while they were in the womb) giving him a makeshift version of a back rub with their tiny little, chubby fingers, while Tad 3 snuggles up close to him. Fuck what his past teachers always said because, in this moment, Eddie thinks he’s a goddamn genius. Eddie lets out a quiet, blissful sigh as the serene, comforting sensation floods his body, settling underneath his skin and warming him from head to toe. Perks of being a dad, he thinks. 

For the rest of the morning, or at least for as long as he can hold his little tads’ attention, Eddie luxuriates in his toddler massage and all the sensation it brings. At the same time, he snuggles with his littlest baby, his little Rosie Ro, who has swiftly fallen asleep in his arms. All the while, he listens to his two little chatterboxes discuss anything and everything that comes to their brilliant little minds; the sounds of Rowan’s snores and the cartoons on the TV act as soothing background noise to the twins’ vivid conversation. To Eddie, moments like these are heaven on earth. Eddie wouldn’t trade these wholesome moments for anything, not even an opportunity for Corroded Coffin to headline their own show at Madison Square Garden. Even his biggest rockstar dreams can’t compete with the love that fatherhood has brought him. Yeah, Eddie thinks, nothing compares to this. 

[mimble-sparklepudding]

I'm not sure what cursed ship means but I'll do my best.

Maybe it's because I replayed the Crystal Tower arc yesterday but Nero is strongly on my mind. It would take a bit of work, given the man's ego. He would apparently make a good teacher* though and would go out of his way to boost Humble's self-confidence as he does Cid's. [*someone posted something saying he was wanted to teach in Garlemald]

On a slightly less cursed note, Hildibrand. Though in this case, the cursed bit would be that his parents are Godbert and Julyan. They would be pretty interesting otherwise, or at least funny.

And on a gentle note, Hien perhaps. I think they would get along though I'm not entirely sure as to how much. Hien's adventurous side playing against Humble's shyness would definitely be cute.

I should note that while writing this I realized that I have no idea how old Humble is. While thinking of Baderon to be precise. So apologies if some of my suggestions are a bit off.

Hi @kannedia Thank you for your thoughts on this!

I think Nero would be reasonably "cursed", given his propensity for sarcasm and sneering and Humble's shyness and tendancy to take things literally. Although they might make for quite an interesting mix of cynicism and innocence in practice. Perhaps Nero just needs to be taken in hand by a firm, but nurturing Roegadyn warrior and shown the error of his ways?

Hildibrand would be classic comedy, with Humble already being frequently baffled by events around him, add in some Hildibrandian chaos and the poor chap would be entirely giddy with trying to keep up with the madness.

Hien would be a cute pairing I think - and Hien deserves more attention in general. I agree that Hien's carefree and adventurous spirit would be a great foil for Humble's shyness and modesty, plus there would be plenty of romantic comedy opportunties around cultural and temperamental misunderstandings. Plus Humble does have a weakness for long hair on men (not that he would ever admit this).

Baderon would be an interesting proposition - an older man might be able to provide Humble with guidance and nurture, at least providing he keeps off the rum long enough!

[multiplesillylittleguys]

Get to know us!!

We filled in an entire ask-game template (by @/the-staticc) in case anyone is interested. I'm a real yapper so I figured why not.

-Romi

I: basics

❤️ - what type of CDD do you have?

We have DID most likely, although that's not our diagnosis. More on that in the next question.

----------

🧡 - are you medically recognised/diagnosed? if not, do you plan to? (no judgement either way!)

We aren't sure exactly what we're diagnosed with, but our psychologist knows about us and we have diagnosed dissociation, which technically makes it UDD. We were diagnosed with it when we were 13 or 14.

----------

💛 - if you are comfortable sharing, what is your headcount? do you keep track of it?

We're at about 30 I believe. Some of us are really insecure about having this amount of alters, but we're polyfrag.

----------

💚 - do you have a high or low split tolerance?

Pretty low. We won't split at everything, what usually happens is we get a fragment who will either disappear eventually or will become an alter when we stress out even more.

----------

💙 - do you switch frequently or do you go longer periods between switching?

We switch pretty frequently, from what I'm aware of. Amnesia makes it a real chore to remember anything, especially about switching. But I do notice it happen, sometimes.

But yeah, looking at our amnesia, we switch pretty often.

----------

💜 - does your system have introjects of any kind?

We do! We're autistic, and so hyperfixations quickly turn into new splits or fragments forming to be the person.

----------

🩷 - do you have any subsystems?

Yup. Kirill and both like to organize everything, so we divide ourselves into groups to keep everything comprehensible, especially because we're with so many.

II: alters

🎥 - who are your frequent fronters?

Kirill, Kate, Ziggy and Jayden are the most frequent.

----------

📼 - do you have any non-human alters? if yes, which species are the majority of them?

Vodka is angelkin, so that counts as nonhuman. But for the rest, not really.

----------

🎞️ - do the alters in your system use more medical coined roles or more community coined roles? or both/neither? do you find them useful?

Both, but more medical. We only use community coined roles if they really, really fit someone, but we try to stick to the medical terms.

----------

📽️ - are the alters in your system more distinct or less distinct from each other?

Some of us are really distinct while others aren't, but for the most part we're distinct. But if anyone other than the host (Kirill) is fronting, you won't easily notice because we're covert.

----------

📺 - do you make/buy gifts to other alters in the systems?

Not really, no. We're not that nice to each other. But we get along fine.

----------

🎙️ - does the taste in music vary a lot between different alters?

Yeah, we all have pretty different music tastes. Meenah and Lynne like hyperpop, while Ziggy leans into his ethnicity a bit more and listens to a lot of calm Dutch pop/rap music. Kirill likes 2020 alt tiktok music (we never had tiktok lol) and Scott likes punk and metal. We're all pretty different in that regard.

----------

📻 - does your system have any type of in system relationships? (familial, romantic, platonic etc.)

Dennis and James are sourcemates (although one is an OC), and they're happily married at the old (but not old looking) age of 107.

Jayden and Ziggy see each other as siblings or something, but they're not actually family. They just have a sibling dynamic going on.

III: switching

☀️ - how much amnesia do you experience?

No idea. We have amnesia about having amnesia, there's no way to tell. But it's quite a lot if I really try to focus on remembering.

----------

🌙 - do you experience black out amnesia?

Yeah, both black out and grey out.

----------

⚡️ - what does switching feel like for you? does it vary between alters?

We get really foggy and loopy and disoriented, but for the rest we don't notice anything. It's usually a very smooth transition. The way our friends described it is we look like we're daydreaming, and our face muscles tense a little, and then it's over.

----------

☄️ - do you experience quick switches or does it take longer to switch usually?

We can switch really quick most of the time, but if we're blurry it takes way longer because everything will feel like a fog.

----------

🌈 - do you get frontstuck often? what do you do to try to get ‘un-stuck’?

Not that much anymore, thank the gods. We used to get frontstuck sometimes, but it really hasn't happened in a while.

----------

☁️ - do you ever not notice you’ve switched, and suddenly realise that ‘you haven’t been you’ for a while?

All. The. Time.

----------

💦 - can you switch ‘on command’ or is that something that is hard for your system? does it depend on the alter?

We can't switch 'on command', but if the communication is good that day we can always ask each other. If both alters are willing, it goes pretty smoothly. Otherwise it's just not happening. We can also trigger some of us to the front with music.

IV: headspace

🌱 - do you have a headspace? if yes, describe it! if no, do you want one?

I think we have it, but I'm not sure. I know there's something and I know it's big, but I can't remember it very well while I'm in the front. But I know we all have houses and there's a town square and such.

----------

🌿 - how easily accessed is your headspace?

It's pretty difficult when we're in front to see it, but once we're not in front we easily go there. Remembering it is the real challenge.

----------

☘️ - is there a place in your headspace where dormant alters go?

Nope, we don't have such a place.

----------

🌳 - do alters have their own rooms/areas in your headspace?

Yeah, as I said we all have houses (which we built ourselves).

🌵 - is your headspace big, or smaller? is it complex/less complex?

Big, but I don't think very complex. There are a lot of areas from what I can remember, but no layers or anything except for the underground.

----------

🍃 - do you have specific alters that cannot access headspace at all?

No, we can all access it.

----------

🪴 - did you have to build your headspace over time, or was it just there?

We had to build it for the most part, but parts just appeared as well. It used to be just a black void, and now it's a whole damn fantasy world. I think our maladaptive daydreaming played a big part in it's development.

V: general

🍭 - how did you pick your system name?

Our name is TaskForce 420, and we got it because we had a Call of Duty obsession and Ziggy and Jayden wanted the number to be 420 because they were high when we were discussing this. And the rest just went along with it.

----------

🍪 - do you have a collective name/identity/orientation? if yes, how did your system make those decisions?

Not really. Most people just call us Kirill, if we're out as trans to them but not as a system. More often we're just called by the body's deadname, though. We don't like it.

----------

🍬 - what’s the funniest thing another alter has said to you? (internally or externally communicated)

Ziggy was complaining in the discord server that we don't have any weed, and Kirill replied with a picture of gorrillas that said "Silence, pothead. An alcoholic is talking."

To which Ziggy replied with a picture saying "Your sad alcoholic name: Your first name + your last name"

(We cope with humor, can you tell?)

----------

🍫 - how does your system handle in system disagreements in general?

We just get angry and ignore each other usually, we're not very functional. There's always someone who tries to get everyone to talk again and we'll come to some sort of agreement.

----------

🧁 - is there anyone specific in your system you don’t get along with?

We have a hard time getting along with Maia, but that's just how she is. She doesn't like us, either. Never has. We still kinda care about her, though.

----------

🍰 - are you ‘out’ as a system to anyone? (online friends/partners etc. count!)

To our online friends and our partner, and to our ex but he wasn't supposed to know because that didn't go well for us.

----------

🍦 - how good is your communication with the rest of the system? does it vary much between different alters?

Horrible horrible horrible. We can't communicate for shit. That's why we have a system discord server, so we can at least talk a little. There are some days where we can hear each other, though. It's nice, but overwhelming.

----------

🍡 - are different alters part of different subcultures? which ones? (we are!)

We have: Punks, goths, metalheads, pagans, satanists, uhh and some more but I can't really remember.

Thanks for reading this whole list lmao I hope you had a fun time getting to know us a bit better.

-Romi

[rosehippiefield]

There're quite some parallels between dynamics of Sara-Keiji and Kanna-Shin.

With the siblings everything is more or less clear: Shin used Kanna for two chapters, eventually growing attached to her as she reminded him of his old self (Midori called them both kind, weak and cowardly, not that last two words are exactly true). Maybe he cared about her from the beginning, maybe only after first main game. Relationship between them was similar to Shin's relationship with Midori as he tried to immitate him, scaring Kanna with his constant manipulation (the laptop case and so on) but still helping to overcome her guilt to some degree. In the end, Shin was ready to die if it meant Kanna's survival, at first offering to vote for her thinking she must be sacrifice (guessing she wouldn't pick him if she wins), and after Gashu incident. Kanna understood that he lied to her (a lot), but still saw the best and was kind of right.

Meanwhile Keiji, in my opinion, could copy some of Megumi's behavior with him when he was a subordinate. I am sure that Keiji sees himself in Sara, reliable, smart, a bit formal and easy to exploit (in terms of giving tasks and responsibility). And as far as I remember, Megumi was flirty with him (though he doesn't exactly flirt, he evades answering difficult questions). So he replicates same type of relationship with Sara, becoming her mentor and showing some clues but leaving majority of the work for her.

At first, Keiji likely knew something because he began pushing for "leader Sara" as soon as met her. But after Joe died and Sara was suffering he grew more and more attached. It was just like him and Mr. Policeman! (plus, Joe could be kid of aforementioned policeman). So he makes attempts to help her. Although still not taking spotlight, even suggesting poor girl to litterally decide fate of all of their lifes. Sara didn't fully trust him, she knew how suspicious Keiji was, but his support was vital for her so she also began caring for him (just in case I don't mean it romantically).

What seems the most like manipulation is him getting trust from Sara while not giving information himself. I understand not giving 50 tokens, he knows about his sins. But transfering keymaster to Sara, pretending he sacrificed his own safety while in reality taking it from somebody else is... cold and calculative (who did he take card from? I understand if it's Shin as he was suspicious and dangerous in Keiji's eyes, but it could be Kanna or someone else innocent).

What bugs me the most is that he didn't do anything to help when Sara got sacrifice card. Ex-policeman had tokens to make exchange, and he actually did make aforementioned exchange... with Q-taro. I read somewhere that he planned to get information from Shin, Keiji wanted to deceive him and so definitely couldn't transfer ill-fated card to him (why would Shin tell the truth if he's going to die anyway?). But nevertheless, Sara still was in danger. A girl with burden on her fragile shoulders who tried to help everyone and who was in position of leader partly because of Keiji.

I think that in third chapter he finally realised how wrong he was about everything and hopefully was ready to truly be mentor figure. I don't remember specifics so I may be mistaken, but Keiji did come to the classroom when Ranmaru deal was happening despite risking showing himself. And we all know how strongly Sara wanted to save Keiji, signing consent form. Their bond reached its culmination, both trusting and wanting to protect each other. Of course, maybe it's a bit early to say so as game is unfinished, but this is something I hope for.

All in all, Keiji kind of used Sara a bit similarly to Shin exploiting Kanna, potentially mimicing some traits of once important person, then saw something familiar in traumatised girl, supported her and formed more genuine bond while still using Sara's leadership to have influence or knowledge until that painful moment of trauma coffin