#alt verse ( the last of us ).

[lunacias]

(Silence. CARPENTER tries to rally HAYWARD's spirits. She's afraid she's going to lose him.)

"All three of us - we can all go on living, Hayward. Just like you said."

[teenagetrash00]

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Hey, I'm teenagetrash00, also known as Will.

I'm a dude, and these are the fandoms I'm in or have been in

Fnaf

Marvel

X men

The last of us

Percy Jackson

911

Euphoria

Pearl

Deadpool

Hamilton

Six the musical

Harry Potter

My Hero Academia

Gravity Falls

Spider verse

The owl house

Sturniolo Triplets

Jake and Johnnie (the Tinas)

Sally Face

Arcane

And many more, talk to me about them! Ask what you like! But be respectful, I will not accept any homophobia, racism, sexual assault or Pedophilia.

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https://www.instagram.com/willow_james_02?igsh=dXp1emltdHN3NjVl

Artists that I might post about

Yungblud

Noah Finnce

Johnnie guilbert

Jake Webber

Ashnikko

I also might do a art post or two once in a while 🙃

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REQUEST ART

[cumikering]

Guitarist Gaz x reader

2k | fluff, teenage crush, late 90s You were in a band with Gaz

“You’re pulling my leg,” Kyle deadpanned.

“Really. My mum said I should be studying for my A-levels.” Jack hung his head as he tried to smear off the crusty mud from the side of his sole.

“But the gig is this weekend!”

“’m sorry, Gaz. She’s holding my guitar hostage. Said she’s going to sell it if I’m not home right away after classes.”

“You know we can’t do with only three members,” he said exasperatedly.

“There’s still a few days, I’ll help you find someone.”

After band practice sans Jack “mum-said-I-can’t” Wilshire, Kyle hopped onto the local forum with a grumble.

This was stupid. It would take a miracle for him to find a replacement for Jack in mere days. Regardless, he punched the words into his keyboard.

Sixth Form alt band looking for a stand-in guitarist for a birthday gig this Saturday

Later that night, his PC pinged with a notification.

Hiya, I’m interested in the gig. Where do you practice? I can meet tomorrow to see if I’m a good fit.

He breathed a sigh of relief. There was still hope. He didn’t have to cancel and embarrass himself.

Sweet. Here’s my college. See ya at the bus stop at 2 mate

The next day after classes, Kyle and his two bandmates waited at the bus stop.

“Gaz, how do you know he’s not a no-show?” Tim sat on the bench, twirling his drumsticks.

With his foot, Owen toyed with the overgrown grass under the bus stop sign. “We’ve been waiting forever.”

“Come on, lads. We need him, yeah?” He turned to them, trying to cheer up his mates. ”Let’s just hope he’s decent.”

Across the street, a bus alighted with a screech and a loud hiss. A few seconds later, it departed, revealing you behind it. You wore your college’s uniform, hair lightly tousled from the weather, your gig bag on your back.

“It’s a she?” Owen straightened up.

“Well, I assumed-“

Tim stood up, slipping his drum sticks in his back pocket as he walked over with a smile.

“No,” Kyle stood in front of him, trying to bite down his smile. “She talked to me. I go.” He marched towards you, ignoring Owen’s ‘or we could wait for her to cross the street’.

“Kyle?”

“Hiya.” He smiled, the most charming one he could muster. “Thought you were a bloke.”

You cocked your brow. “I thought the handle was obvious.”

Was it? He was too focused on the fact that he got a candidate (the only one so far).

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, well let’s go meet the lads.”

You followed as he made his way towards his mates.

“This is Owen, our bassist.”  He pointed at the tall bloke with the blond buzzcut. “And this is Tim, our drummer.”

He nodded at you, his dark fringe bobbing in the air.

“And me, I’m the vocalist and lead guitarist. You’re going to be Jack’s stand-in as the rhythm guitarist. Is it okay if you play us something here? Apparently, we’re not allowed to bring non-students onto the campus.”

“Yeah, no worries.” You sat on the bench and took your guitar out. “Anything specific?”

“Nope, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

The familiar intro of Wonderwall wafted in the air. You were a little quiet at first but encouraged by the approving nods and smiles of the lads, you opened up. Kyle watched the way you strummed, fingers expertly dancing across the fretboard, chords held precisely. Your clean notes did the classic justice. They all sang the last verse together.

“Wow, that was real sweet.” Owen said.

“Watch out, Gaz, you might be the stand-in by the end of this.”

He gave Tim the side eye before smiling at you. “Should we start practicing today?”

Practice was at Tim’s the days leading up to the gig, as it always was. His spacious room was cosy and soundproof, plus his mum baked the best cookies.

How obvious was it that Kyle always wanted to sit next to you on the bus? Or let his mates walk ahead of the both of you, so he could have a little moment with you to chat?

But it was the next day that he only dared to make his move.

“It’s getting late. Would you like me to walk you home?”

You looked up as you zipped your gig bag close.

“I live closer to you than her and you never offer to walk me home,” Owen chided, making Tim cackle from the other end of the room.

He pretended not hear anything, his eyebrow rose instead as he rapidly lost his cool.

You stifled a laugh. “Okay,” you said.

Kyle beamed, flipping Owen the bird before he shut the door on his way out. He left his guitar because ‘we’ll be back tomorrow anyway’ and helped you carry yours instead.

“You hungry? That chippy is good.” He pointed at a busy shop on your way to the bus stop.

“I am, actually.” Your steps slowed.

After a bit of queuing, the both of you sat in the cramped corner of the shop.

You took small bites of your piping hot chips. “What are you doing after Sixth Form?”

“I’m enlisting in the army,” he said with pride.

You smiled. “Your parents must be so proud.”

“They are. I’ve always wanted to do this and I’m glad they’re supportive.”

“I wish you the very best, Kyle. I think you’d be a wonderful soldier.”

He beamed. “Thank you.”

The conversation continued to what you were going to study in uni, and how the both of you got into music. He told you all about his heroes and seeing how you lit up in recognition of the names made him gooey. You get me.

After the meal, you waited at the deserted bus stop, pedestrians passing occasionally.

“Can I play?” He gestured at your guitar.

You nodded and he took it out of the bag, skilfully picking the strings to Iris. You smiled in recognition of the song and couldn’t help singing along. Engrossed in the little concert, none of you registered the bus was approaching.

His hands slowed, and you turned behind you.

“Oh, need to go, need to go!” You laughed, grabbing the bag beside him, scrambling to the edge of the pavement.

He smiled behind you as you boarded. The bus had no empty seats left, and the both of you stood there facing each other as he held your guitar, resting it on his shoe.

You didn’t seem to want to meet his eyes, but he found it cute. You had a sweet smile and an even sweeter laugh. He appreciated your openness to spontaneity, loving the twinkle in your eye as you sang with him just a minute ago. You were a breath of fresh air.

The next day, Kyle offered to walk you home after dinner again. You let him, even had his hand brush against yours a few times. The next, since he finished his classes early, he asked if he could pick you up in front of your college.

He waited at the bus stop, head on a swivel, worried that he’d miss you among the sea of students. But you soon approached with your friends who giggled as they eyed him.

He smiled at the refreshing sight of you, hands pulled out of his pockets. “Hiya,” he breathed, barely glancing at your friends.

You stood in front of him as you chewed on your lip, smiling but not meeting his eyes. “Hi,” you mumbled.

One of the girls nudged you with a teasing smile before walking along.

“Oh, uh, see you on Monday, babes!” you called out to them.

“Good luck for your gig!” the blonde said.

“I hope I’m up to par for tomorrow,” you said to yourself.

“You are, trust me. We don’t need Jack anymore.”

You laughed.

“Here, let me just…” he grabbed the strap of your gig bag.

“You’re the sweetest, Kyle.”

He smiled, pulling the straps over his shoulders. I’m trying! “I got you this.” He pulled out a packet of gummy bears from his pocket.

“Thank you so much!” You tore the packet open, popping a bear into your mouth, before offering him some.

At the bus stop, he sat next to you just a little closer than a friend would.

“Oh, one of my girls let me borrow Jagged Little Pill for the weekend.” You grabbed your Discman from your bag, handing an earphone to him. “I wanted to listen to it with you.”

How did you not expect him to melt at that? When each of you had an earphone on, you hit play and he wouldn’t be mad if the bus never came. With you, this was the perfect afternoon.

He should have got more gummy bears.

You and the band played through the setlist flawlessly as the party went on. It was the most fun Kyle had had at a gig that he didn’t realise the hour was up. When Owen and Tim went off to grab food, without missing a beat, he strummed More than Words.

Kyle barely took his eyes off you as you sat across him with your guitar throughout the gig, a sweet smile on your face. If he kept playing, this would never have to end, right?

Your arms paused in the air as you took your guitar off before setting the strap back and smiling in recognition. You sat back down, your foot tapping to the gentle rhythm before joining him in singing. The crowd gathered and sang together, and you both couldn’t help dueting a few more mellow songs as Owen and Tim cheered on.

By the end of the night, Kyle was holding your hand. It was nice to not be insecure of his calloused fingers. Yours were too, like a shared secret. As you neared home, his arm grew stiff. Was this his last time walking you home?

“We don’t have anything else coming up, but you’re always welcome to swing by anytime.” He handed you your guitar. He insisted to help you with it even when he had his too. “We can just jam together.”

“What’s going to happen to Jack?”

“Like I said, we don’t need him anymore.”

You laughed. “Yeah? I should probably study for my A-Levels too.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “We can always meet at your college if you want. Or somewhere else. Wherever you want really.” I just want to keep seeing you.

You smiled. “I’d love that.”

Since then, he picked you up after classes almost every day. If not to jam at Tim’s, it was to study at your dining table. He caught the teasing looks your mum shot you that made you look away with a shy smile. He didn’t mean to, but his grades were better than ever, baffling his mates, including Jack.

Thinking of the distance that was to stretch between you was like looking up a mountain too tall to see its peak. It was irresponsible of him to ask for more as he was leaving for the army. With a heavy heart, he allowed himself to enjoy the last weeks he had with you, forced to be content with the fleeting touches and bashful gazes before they, eventually, fizzled out with time.

At the park, he played Lovefool, one of your favourites. You sat facing him, knees pulled to your chest wearing his hat he plopped down on you when you squinted at the sun earlier.

“Love me, love me, say that you love me…” He looked up from the fretboard to your pretty smile as you hummed along, hair swaying in the wind-

His strumming screeched to a stop as his heart lodged in his throat. “D- do…”

Bloody hell, Gaz, why are you stuttering like that!

You blinked. “You alright?”

“Doyouwanttobemine?”

Your smile brightened.

Oh, he was going to serenade you every chance he got, even when he was a thousand miles away from you. He hoped you didn’t mind.

@tiredmetalenthusiast @shadofireshinobi @keegansshark @two-gh0sts

@rowanyaboats @mangoguy

[dr-futbol-blog]

Our hero, Major John Sheppard is stationed at McMurdo base in Antarctica at the start of the series. We learn that he likes it there. Sheppard himself tells Teyla in Sateda (S03E04): "Well, that [having no social skills] is why I enjoyed flying choppers in the most remote part of my world before all this craziness."

This is what John Sheppard tells us but we learn that what he tells us is not always the truth and certainly not the whole truth.

The alien AI that created a hallucination from Sheppard's own subconscious in Remnants (S05E15) poses him the question: "You're either someone with a death wish or someone running away from something. So tell me: what are you running away from?" Running away to the most remote part of his world, running away to another galaxy.

In fact, he has both been banished to and self-isolated in the most remote part of his world ("You torture yourself every day, John.") due to his "black mark" acquired in Afghanistan. We are never explicitly told what this black mark was, only that it bothered Gen. O'Neill and was something that Dr. Weir could live with. We are left wondering.

While we are shown something of what happened in Afghanistan during the episode Phantoms (S03E09), through the hallucinations from Sheppard's past of him failing to save Capt. Charlie Holland, it isn't until toward the end of the series that we find out what happened through the mirror of a parallel reality in Vegas (S05E19), where alt!Rodney tells us "You were a helicopter pilot in Afghanistan but were dishonourably discharged for disobeying orders and trying to rescue a field medic trapped behind enemy lines. You were shot down – obviously survived, but unfortunately the crash killed four American soldiers along with eight civilians. You avoided jail time; the record was sealed for various political reasons."

The field medic in the Vegas-verse, one where "infinite variations of our own known reality where alternate versions of you and I play out events", is female; this revealed in a mumbled 'ur' (I didn't even catch it on first viewing even though I knew about the gender swap in advance; it might just as well have been "knew 'em") in alt!Rodney's line: "That field medic – the one you defied orders to go back and try and rescue. You knew her personally. You were... involved."

This was one of the differences between the two realities, perhaps even the most defining one of them, the point of divergence.

Vegas Sheppard dies to the tune of Johnny Cash's Solitary Man because that's what he was, a recluse (and note that the importance of Johnny Cash was underlined in the episode by Sheppard taking nothing but his poster, the same Johnny Cash poster that our Sheppard had in his quarters for all of the five years, with him once he walked away from his job; it carries weight):

I know it's been done havin' one girl who loved me Right or wrong, weak or strong Don't know that I will, but until I can find me The girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me I'll be what I am

But our Sheppard is not a Solitary Man (he has self-confessedly found something of a family in Pegasus). He's the Man in Black (in fact, he is dressed in black throughout the series even in situations where other fatigues would have made more sense; it is only in the very last episode that we see him in lighter colours):

I'd love to wear a rainbow every day And tell the world that everything's okay But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back 'Til things are brighter, I'm the man in black

We know the background. When the series begun, DADT was still in full effect, the franchise had a long-standing co-operation with the USAF, Prop 8 was still several years into the future. The non-normative sexual orientation of an All-American Action Hero was never going to be main-text. Even heterosexual romance between characters was mostly eschewed by the franchise. But damn if the subtext doesn't lay it out thick for us.

There are so many obvious parallels and comparisons in the show that I need to write them down somewhere, and while this is a day late and a dollar short, this fandom could do with some meta. So this marks the beginning of my journey through Stargate Atlantis with an eye on its bisexual protagonist.

[swiss-mrs]

#WEIRD☆GIRL

(Word Count: 4.6k)

Rating: PG-13, Adult Language and Themes, All Characters are 18+

Reader/OC Description: Reader/OC is Afro-Latina. She has long, dyed black hair that is worn straight with baby bangs and shaved brows. She is an alt baddie and would've definitely ruled MySpace. Body shape/type is not detailed. No Use of Y/N.

Playlist

Synopsis: One day, while Dave and Todd are out, they pass by a park void of screaming kids. Instead, the park is taken up by a group of what looks to be a mix of teenagers and young adults. Passing by the loud group, the boys can't help but stare, mixing Dave up with a girl more socially unacceptable than him.

Warnings(?): Adult Language, Sexual Themes (No Smut, Just Horny Boy Thoughts), Catcalling (Potentially Triggering Language)

This is written in third person but mainly narrated from Dave's view.

》》》

"I can't believe they had it!" Todd exclaims, gripping the plastic bag in his hand tight. Dave nods, gripping his backpack straps.

"Yeah, we need to start coming here more often. They have everything. We gotta bring Marty with us when he gets back."

Today marked the first day of the boys' last Spring Break. Marty was out of town on a trip to Florida with his family, so this cut down the trio to a duo, Dave and Todd. The two were currently walking along a street on the other side of town than their usual hangout. Todd found a new comic and video game store, and he and Dave figured they'd check it out.

"I can't wait to read it."

"Remember, no spoilers until I pick up my edition too." Dave replied. As they round a corner to get to their bus stop, they are greeted with the sight of a large clearing between buildings.

On the closest side to the boys was a skate park. It had a decent amount of skaters occupying it, echoes of skateboards landing against concrete traveling throughout the park. As the boys walked passed, they could hear the sound of music. The further they walk, the closer the music gets.

The current song that was playing was what Dave imagined rugged bikers with dark sunglasses and handlebar mustaches listened to. Scary and intimidating. It was muddy and grungy and punk and metal? He wasn't well versed enough to really know how to label its genre. Just as one song came to an end, another just like it followed.

He and Todd were both staring at the group surrounding the picnic table that held the speaker. Each one was different from the next, but they all had a similar dark and grungy style.

Something that immediately caught his eye was a black haired girl who took two big steps to get atop the picnic table. As the new song began to pick up, she got into a matching character. As she winded her hips and lip sang to the lyrics, Dave was completely entranced by her. "Woah..."

"Yeah…" Todd absently replies.

Her unnaturally dark hair cascaded down her shoulders and around the curve of her breasts. Her bangs reminded Dave of a toddler who decided to experiment with scissors. They were far too short to be considered "normal", but, Jesus, did she pull them off well.

She had two bows on the sides of her head, one purple and the other an off-white cream color. She wore a black, short sleeve crop top with red writing on it, something Dave couldn't really read clearly from this distance. She had knitted, fingerless gloves on each hand that nearly blended in with her skin tone. Dave's eyes continued to work their way down her legs, finding her thighs covered with light pink, sheer lace shorts that stopped mid thigh. The only thing keeping her "appropriate" were homemade, cut-off jean short shorts.

Dave couldn't help himself; he was captivated. He's never seen anyone dressed like she was, at least not in real life. It was like she stepped right out of an anime. She was incredibly unique. How was she able to pull that off so well?

Dave's eyes wandered down further to get a full view of her exposed, dancing legs. He couldn't help but wonder what it felt like to touch them.

She swiveled her hips in circles as she began to spin and whip her hair to the beat. Dave had this opportunity to move his eyes up, getting a perfect view of her butt, his body lighting up as his heart raced.

She had made a full turn, stopping in the direction of the two boys, catching their stares. Todd immediately turns his head to try and seem captivated by the clouds above, but Dave is not as quick to notice.

"Dave." Todd mumbles, eyes dodging the girl's gaze, darting back and forth from his friend, the ground, and a very (not-so) interesting brick building behind the park. "Dave." Todd repeats, elbowing Dave in the side, finally snapping him out of his hypnosis.

"Ouch!" Dave yelps in surprise, turning to Todd who is looking at him wide eyed, trying to send him a message. Dave looks away from his friend and back to the table dancer. She was staring right at him with squinted eyes. They seem to make eye contact for a solid second before she abruptly lifts a hand to her forehead. She held up her pointer and pinky fingers. The 'rock and roll' symbol she held against her head imitated horns as scrunched her nose, sticking her tongue out like a child. The action shocked Dave, but he couldn't help but find her oddly adorable.

Todd is quick to snatch the handle at the top of Dave's backpack and drag him away to their bus stop at the end of the street. The ride home was a pretty quiet one after that.

》》》

Two weeks have passed since he'd first seen the strange girl. Every spare chance he got during spring break was spent taking advantage of his vigilante skills for the wrong reasons. He had secretly visited that park numerous times, watching his girl and her friend group from afar. He knew that stalking was not how he should've gone about this, but he also didn't see walking straight up to her and introducing himself as an option either.

Something was definitely wrong with him. There is no good reason for him to know where she lives, but he convinced himself it was just to ensure she got home safe. Tonight only enforced that thought.

Usually she would walk home with at least one friend for good measure, but for some unknown reason to Dave, she walked alone.

Today, she had on an extra baggy hoodie. One that he came to know as one of her favorites. It reached the tops of her bare thighs, the hem of her mini skirt just visible below. She wore leg warmers that matched the color of her hoodie and worn combat boots. She had a small backpack that looked like wings on her back, decked out in pins of all kinds. The oversized hood was perched on top of her head.

She was always good about checking her surroundings and looking over her shoulder when walking alone, but this wasn't a matter of a sneak attack.

Dave watched as an older man stepped out in front of his strange girl. Dave couldn't hear the exact dialog due to their distance and the passing people and cars, but he for sure knew that whatever was being said was not welcomed.

"No. Thank you. I'd rather be left alone." Dave heard that loud and clear, so why did this creepy guy not take the hint and leave?

The man abruptly reached for her arm, and gripped it tight. Dave took off in a sprint.

"Get your hands off me, asshole!"

"Don't be a fucking tease-"

"Hey!" Dave cut the guy off, running up behind her. "Didn't you hear what she said, creep? Let her go!" He said firmly. Both the creepy guy and the girl's eyes look over to Dave, both of them giving him a once over. Her eyes were full of confusion, one thinly drawn brow raised. The man scoffed at the kid.

"What the fuck is this?" he shoots back. Dave squares his shoulders and raises his masked chin. "How about you mind your fucking business, princess, before you get hurt." the man follows up, making fun of Dave's costume.

"Let. Her. Go." Dave repeats sternly. The guy laughs in his face.

"Or what, leotard?" Dave follows up by removing the batons from behind his back. He points one at the man.

"Or else I'll have to beat you until you let go?" He says confidently. The girl cringes, that was not nearly as intimidating as he thought it was. The guy laughs again, flicking out a pocket knife. The two men stood there in a stare down. Their pause gave the girl a chance to yank her arm from the man's grasp, simultaneously using her other hand to whip out a pink taser decorated like a mini Gameboy. She shoves the sparked end into the side of the creep's neck, causing him to twitch and spasm. She holds it there until the man falls to the ground twitching, presumably unconscious. She takes her booted foot and jumps into a hard kick to the man's side.

"Fuck you, dipass!" Dave stands there shocked. The girl's gaze switches to face him. He lifts his hands in surrender and slowly puts his batons back. The girl takes one big step closer to Dave. He jumps back, but she is quick to grab one of his hands and begin dragging him down the route of towards her apartment.

They walk a couple blocks and round a corner in silence before she stops abruptly and turns to Dave. He stands there staring, absolutely shell shocked. "Who are you and what do you think you're doing!?" She asks, putting two hands on her hips and resting her weight on one side.

"Uh-" Dave stutters. The girl raises her brows expectantly. "I, uh- I was trying to help you." The girl's brows draw together as she squints.

"Thank you, but, to be honest, you didn't really do much, and that only answered one of my questions."

"Uh, I'm, uh- The name's KickAss." The girl stares at him in disbelief for a good five seconds, searching his eyes for any sense of a joke.

When she doesn't find anything, she lets out a "pfft" and giggles. "You're joking, right?" She raises her brows with a grin.

"Uh, no. I'm not…" Dave's eyes look everywhere but at her.

"I-," giggle, "I'm sorry." Another giggle, " I don't mean to be rude, but KickAss?" Dave smiles nervously, instinctual reaching for the back of his head. "You really need a rebranding, my guy." She says, an amused smile still playing on her lips. Her eyes didn't hold any malice or judgement, just intrigue.

"Yeah, well, I'm obviously not that creative." He laughs nervously. Dave looks back to her, finally getting a proper look at her up close. She's smiling… at him. God, he was going to faint.

"Jesus, your eyes." She says suddenly, catching Dave off guard. "They're gorgeous, my god." She huffs a short laugh, staring into his eyes. Dave can't keep eye contact for long, completely flustered. He thanked the powers that be that he had a mask on at this very moment. He was sure he was as red as ever.

"Thank you." He looks down. "You, uh, your eyes are beautiful, too." He says sheepishly. She laughs, shaking her head.

"Oh, please. They're just a normal, old brown. Nothing compared to your stunners. Wow." She throws back at him. "Well, I appreciate you stepping in, KickAss." She thanks, putting emphasis on his 'name'.

"No problem. You seem to have it handled without me." His illusion of 'stalking for protection' ruined.

"Nonsense! Thankfully, I didn't need you to start a fight this time. The fact that you even stepped in at all when you saw something means a lot, so thank you." She clasps her hands in front of her, swaying side to side.

"Can I walk you the rest of the way?" He asks. She shakes her head.

"As sweet as that is, no, thank you. I don't quite know how I feel about masked men knowing where I live." She teases. "Plus, it's not much further. I'll be okay." She smiles at him, again. Dave can't decide if he wishes she'd stop looking at him or if he wishes she'd keep her gaze on him forever. She begins walking away, "Thanks, again! See you around!" She shouts behind her, turning another corner.

》》》

Two months have passed. Shortly after their first, up close, encounter, Dave made it a point to walk her home every chance he got, always when she was alone. Well, not every time. She started to get suspicious as to how he always knew when she was walking alone. "Are you following me?" She'd ask, Dave giving an unconvincing 'pfft' and a 'no', causing her to roll her eyes. After that, he made sure to space out their walks but still following her from a distance. It's now nearing the end of June, and his graduation date is only a couple weeks out.

This night was a first. She invited Dave in. His eyes widened in shock, "Yeah, sure!" He said a little too enthusiastically, internally cringing at himself, but his awkwardness only caused her to giggle.

She nods, "Okay. My brother is home, so you'll have to sneak in. I'll go in first. Just turn the corner," she points, "and use the fire escape ladder to get to the fourth window up. My window has a collection of ninja turtle action figures on the sill." Dave opens his mouth to say something, but she continues, "Wait there until I come in. I just have to let my brother know I'm home first, then I can disappear into my room." Dave sits his mouth and nods. "Okay, I'll see you up there!" She smiles, jogging into the building.

Dave watches her jog up the stairs until he can't see her anymore. He then makes his way around the building and, as instructed, climbs up the fire escape. He gets to her window with ease. Through the parted curtains, he could see into her dark room. The light in the hallway provided little to illuminate the room from the bottom of the closed door, but thanks to the setting sun, Dave could clearly see the four little trinkets on her windowsill. It made him smile. She was a little nerdy, too.

"Ok, I'll order the pizza!" Before Dave could analyze her room any further, she bursts through the door, tossing her bag on the floor. She turns, closing and locking the door before running up to the window. She throws the curtains open and slides up the window, smiling brightly at him. "Hola."

"Buenas Noches, señorita." Dave says, again cringing at his choice of words, getting a laugh out of her.

"Vamos." She says, stepping aside. He climbs through the window, trying his best to avoid disrupting the figures. "You up for pizza?" She asks once he's fully inside.

Dave nods, looking around at her room. "Yeah, sure."

She smiles up at him, gesturing to her room, "Bienvenido a mi casa." She says dramatically. "Make yourself at home, señor KickAss."

Dave chuckles at her, shaking his head. "Gracias." His accent is still strongly American, but four years of Spanish didn't make it the worst. He goes to sit on the plush bench at the end of her bed. He figured that was a safe bet. He wasn't on her bed, but he also wasn't awkwardly sitting at her desk in the corner of the room. It was a kind of middle ground. His eyes follow her as she goes over to her old school boombox, graffitied with stickers, and turns on some music, low enough for them to hear each other, but just loud enough to disguise their voices from any eavesdropping. "Do I need to worry about your brother?" He asks playfully, deep down a little nervous.

"No, he's playing video games with our cousins online. He can't hear a thing with his-"

"AHHH! NO MAMES WEY!" a scream can be heard, as if on queue, scaring the fuck out of Dave.

She rolls her eyes, continuing, "headphones on." She sits on her bed, crawling over to rest her bare legs on the empty cushion next to Dave. She grabs her laptop that was laying on the bed and opens it up. "What kind of pizza do you like?" She asks, typing away.

"Uh, whatever." He says, unsure.

"Well, guess we can't go wrong with half pepperoni and half cheese." She says, placing the order. "My brother is pretty boring when it comes to pizza." Another scream could be heard in the background, promoting another eyeroll. Dave chuckles a little, nodding.

He twiddles his thumbs before asking, "So, why did you invite me in?" The girl shrugs her shoulders, still typing and clicking away.

"I dunno. You've walked me home nearly everyday for the passed 2 months, and I've grown to trust you. Every time we part ways, I feel the urge to keep you around. I figured it was about time we hung out for more than just a few blocks." She closes her laptop hallway and sets it to the side. His heart flutters.

Dave looks at her stunned. "You want to hang out with me?" The girl squints at him.

"Um, yeeaaah. What kind of question is that?"

"I, uh- I mean- it's just- you know-..." He stutters. She giggles at him.

"What?"

"I mean, you're just so cool, and I'm, you know-"

She looks at him amused. "You're what? A cool vigilante guy who is sweet and funny and someone who should totally should give himself more credit." She bends her legs, nudging him softly with her knee. She scoots down the bed a little to sit closer to Dave, holding her knees to her chest. She uses her oversized sweatshirt to encompass her entire body. Dave looks at her with admiration, his heart racing again, before looking away from her and down at the bench below him. "I don't hear a 'Gracias' or a 'Tienes razón, mi hermosa. Eres muy inteligente y eres la mujer más bella del mundo. Gracias por todo, mi amor.'" She goes on.

Dave laughs, "Thank you. I don't know if you're right, but you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." Dave says boldly but still avoiding eye contact, looking down at his hands.

The girl's eyes widen, "You speak Spanish?" She looks horrified, embarrassed by the words of praise she tried to get him to say.

"A little." He twiddles his thumbs more, "I've been taking Spanish all throughout high school. I am no expert, but I can get around." He shrugs.

"Welp, that's embarrassing." the girl reaches up to tug hard on the strings of her hoodie, hiding her face in the fabric. Dave looks up and reaches for her hands.

"Que? No 'gracias'?" He teases, trying to get a look at her face. He has no clue what is coming over him, but he is becoming a bit more comfortable. His heart is still pounding, but seeing her get flustered brought his confidence up. She peers out from inside her hoodie. Her wide eyed look nearly floored him. He was forever grateful that he was already seated or else his knees would have buckled.

"Gracias,... señor KickAss." She says playfully, trying to make up for her embarrassment by joking off. He offers her a soft smile, melting her. It was now her turn to avoid his eyes. Her eyes make their way over to the stereo. "So… you're still in high school?" She asks, looking back to him, wearily.

He nods, "Y-Yeah, but not for long." He says quickly, the realization coming quick that they don't actually know each other's ages. "I graduate in like 2 weeks." Her nonexistent brows raise as she nods. "Are you?"

She shakes her head, "No, I tested out, got my diploma early. I couldn't be bothered with high school anymore." She shrugged. Dave's brows shot up. She really was smart. "It's just me and my brother. The earlier I got out of high school, the more time I had. It allowed me to help out with bills and whatever, get us a nicer place." She gestures to the room around her. "I mean, it may not seem like much, but trust me when I say it's a million times better than where we were." She then takes the time to look around and appreciate her surroundings.

Dave's look of admiration returns. "You're amazing." He blurts out. The girl's eyes find him, holding his eye contact, again with this wide eyed stare. She was gonna kill him. Her heart stopped when she looked in his eyes and found nothing but honesty and softness. She gives him a little smile. My god, Dave was literally going to pass out.

》》》

Dave didn't seem to notice, but hours went by with them talking, eating pizza, and talking some more. It was now pitch black outside, and the only light in the room was coming from her bedside lamps and a flickering candle.

By now, both of them had made their way into the bed. Dave was laying on his back, watching the ceiling while she was laying on her stomach perched up on her elbow, watching him. They were currently both comfortably silent, the soft music still playing in the background. She guessed that her brother must have fallen asleep at his console by now, considering there weren't any more frustrating cries or exciting cheers heard from across the apartment. Dave is the first to interrupt the silence between them. "Would it be a terrible idea to take my mask off right now?"

The girl gasps dramatically, placing a hand on her chest, "and reveal your secret identity, Zorro?" She lets out a short laugh, this causes Dave to let out a tired smile.

"I'm being serious." There's a pause.

"Well…" the girl starts, "you know, once you do so, there's no going back. I'm not so much of a bitch that I'd ever expose you, but you know… it's a big step."

"Is it in the right direction?" he asks, turning his head to look over at her. They stare deeply into each other's eyes.

She sighs, "I'm sorry, babe, but that's a decision you'll have to make on your own." The pet name catches Dave off guard. He nods and sits up, causing the girl next to him to follow suit, twisting her body so she's cross crossed and facing him. Dave takes a deep breath and reaches for the back of his mask. Just as his gloved hands meet the fabric, he felt a smaller hand touch his. "Are you sure?... Absolutely positive?"

He doesn't move, "Positive." He replies. She lefts go of his hand and he pulls the mask forward and off his head. He kept his head down for a second, taking in a deep breath. He could feel her eyes staring at the side of his head.

He looks up and turns to her. They make eye contact for a good 3 second before her sleeve covered hands come flying up to her face, covering her eyes. "Oh my god!"

"Oh my god, what?!" Dave panics.

"You're hot!" She exclaims. Wow, did she really know how to throw Dave off. He watches her, shocked. "This feels wrong, oh my god!" She says, muffled by her sleeves. "I should not be seeing this right now." Dave smiles a little. How does she do this? She's just too cute.

He reaches up for her hands, "Well, like you said, there's no going back, babe." He says, pulling her hands down. Her eyes were squeezed shut, scrunching up her face in what Dave thought was the most adorable way. "Oh, don't be a baby. Open your eyes." He says. She squeezes them even harder just before opening them up, like ripping off a bandaid.

She lets out a sigh as her eyes roam over every feature. She takes a moment to just admire his face before giggling when her eyes make their way to his hair. "What?" Dave asked, this time not panicked, but amused.

She giggles some more, smiling wide. "Your hair is a mess." She says finally, biting her smile.

He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, I don't really do face reveals, so I didn't bother thinking of a way to properly tie my hair up under the mask."

She smiles at him softly, her eyes relaxed. She reaches up to touch his cheek. It's warm and a little sweaty from being stuck under a mask for the last several hours. They get lost in each other's eyes. Dave's jaw was slack, lips parted slightly. Her features still held her soft smile.

"I think I love you." Dave says abruptly, taking her aback.

"What?-"

"I just always feel so safe and comfortable around you, and I love how you're so unapologetically yourself, and you are always so kind and beautiful, and I can't help but find myself always thinking about you, and I'm always wondering if you're thinking about me to, which I hope you do, because I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't on your mind the way you're on mine, and ever since I saw you dancing on that picnic table when Todd and I were walking to the bus stop and you made that weird adorable little devil horn face thing, I knew I just had to know you, like I was drawn to you, and-"

"Wait, that was you?"

Dave ignores get question and continues rambling, "and I know we're just kids, but I can't think of a better way to live life than with you, and I want us to be together. I want to go to see your favorite scary movies with you, even though it confuses me as to why you still go to them when you say they always scar you, and I want to hold your hand and be there for you when you're scared. I want to go see those bands you always talk about in concert with you. I want to learn every lyric to every one of your favorite songs just to impress you when they come on. I want to hold you at night when you've had a bad day and don't know what to do with yourself. I want to keep you safe and always make sure you're happy. I want to be the reason you smile. I want to walk with you forever, stay by your side. I want to fall asleep beside you every night and wake up to you every morning, and I want nothing more than to hear you say you love me and tell me you love me the same way I love you, and I-"

"Dave, shut up!" She says with a smile, her eyes glistening. "Breathe." They both take a deep breath together. "If you keep going, you'll turn blue." They share a small laugh. "Can I kiss you?" She asks.

Without responding, Dave dives forward and kisses her full force. They deepen the kiss, her other hand reaching up to caress his other cheek, his hands resting on the bed, one on each side of her knees.

Without breaking the kiss, Dave moves to readjust. He pulls her closer, moving her to sit in his lap. She follows his lead, getting up to straddle him. Dave wraps his arms around her waist, hugging her closer to him. She arches her back, "accidentally" grinding against him. Dave is first to break the kiss with a gasp, his hands immediately making their way to her hips. She opens her eyes to find Dave's squeezed shut with his eyebrows narrowed together. His blue eyes open to meet hers after a second, both of them breathing heavily, Dave's eyes wide and innocent, looking up at her.

"Sorry." He says, embarrassed that she was able to affect him so easily. She grins, shaking her head.

"Don't be sorry. It's good to know I have such an effect on you." She leans down to rest her forehead on his. She squishes his check together, pushing him down to the bed, his hands finding themselves caressing her now exposed butt from under the mini skirt she still wore. He felt all the blood drain from his head downward. "Should we keep going?" She asks. Dave nods furiously, no longer able to form words.

She leans in slowly to plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you, too."

》》》

Moodboard (exposing "y/n") on my page under #weird girl swiss fic

[3584-tropical-fish]

Working my way through some Silt Verses reference sheets, part 1!

I have notes on the pages (transcribed in the alt text) but I’ll throw some bonus thoughts beneath the cut:

First image: The first drawing is basically what I imagine her wearing for most of season one, and probably for most of her life with the Parish. Something that's practical to walk through marshes in and can keep out the rain. The long coat is also good for concealing a revolver. I included the steel toed boots because I love the bit in the season 1 qna where they talk about whether she had a goth phase when she was younger, and then decide that she got a good pair of steel toed boot and kicked people in the shins with them.

The other two were largely because I have been convinced by my friend that she would wear skirts, at least occasionally. I don't think she wears skirts often, but they'd definitely make for good disguise, so I thought it might be a good episode 2 fit. However, if I remember right, episode 2 and episode 4 take place on the same day, so it needed to be an outfit that could become a little more practical for walking through the woods in, and wouldn't get her killed when she burns down the church. Hence the Victorian biking skirt-inspired design! The skirt can easily transition into pants, and the poncho is easy enough to take off so you don't have to deal with any loose clothing.

Second image: The s1 finale look was taken from clothes I'd already drawn her in that made sense to wear while walking through a flooded town. No loose clothing, and sturdy enough to last a walk through a lot of mud.

The clothes she got from Acantha are lighter in color, because Acantha is described as wearing white, which I always find cool. Big fan of the fact that it's healers and Acantha who are described as wearing white. I didn't necessarily get it across very well, but I do imagine that the clothes are a little ill-fitting on her. The backpack with the corpse could probably stand to be a little bigger as well, but hopefully he's a good bit desiccated and can fit nicely.

Third image: I probably could have put her in the same clothes as she had been wearing for the Siege of the Gulch, but I figured she would've been wearing those clothes for a while and would've taken the opportunity to change. Also maybe it would've helped some newcomers trust her more? I don't really know. I did come up with a few symbolic thoughts while drawing the first one, mainly that her color palette would be darker when she was doing stuff directly related to the Parish, to contrast the lighter colors she wore with Acantha. I also decided that she tended to wear her hair down with the Parish so she could hide her face better and avoid people a bit easier (or at least feel less vulnerable. I know I at least feel more exposed when I tie my hair back). So when she goes back to the Gulch, she has a moment where she almost takes it down again, and then decides against it because she's trying to distance herself from who she was before, and ties it up instead.

I don't really have a lot of thoughts on the second drawing besides what I wrote down, but I do like that for the third one she has a blend of who she was at the beginning of the series (long coat) and also who she is becoming (a lighter color scheme). She trimmed her hair at some point while at the Grace because it most definitely had become a mess between seasons 2 and 3, and I like to think that Paige managed to find her a cane once she noticed how her limp had worsened. It's probably not the perfect height and Carpenter probably doesn't use it unless she's having a particularly bad day, but cane user Carpenter my beloved <3

Fourth image: The alt s3 fit is largely for situations where she wants to appear less menacing, especially if once they get into Glottage. Long sleeves also hide any injuries she's gotten so she doesn't rouse suspicions with the authorities. I don't really have a lot of thoughts on the other two! Mainly i just need to do a bit more workshopping on the snare dog bite. Don't really know how that works. Luckily for me she's always wearing long pants so I'm basically never going to draw it.

[isak-dot-gov]

Taste (alt version)

Pairing: Nika Mühl x Singer!Reader

Word count: 1096

My Masterlist :)

..................................................................................

Nika sat back on the couch, her legs stretched out, headphones covering her ears, and a soft smile playing on her lips. She had just pressed play on your new single, Taste. Ever since you sent it to her earlier that day, she couldn’t wait to listen to it—especially because it was a song you had written about your past with your shared ex, and now, about your life with her.

She knew you’d always been a little fiery when it came to expressing your emotions, but hearing your words, raw and unapologetic, made her heart race. She leaned back and let the first few bars fill the room.

“Oh, I leave quite an impression,  

Five feet to be exact...” 

Nika chuckled softly. She always joked about being tiny, standing at just 5 feet, but you made sure everyone knew that every inch of you left a lasting impact. The song was no different. She couldn't help but grin, knowing exactly who you were talking about.

As the song continued, Nika’s smile turned into a smirk.

“You’re wonderin’ why half his clothes went missin’  

My body’s where they’re at.” 

She could hear the slight edge in your voice as you sang the line. She had heard you vent about your ex, how he had been careless with you, how he constantly tries to replace you with people who didn’t understand him like you had. But this song? This was something else.

Nika knew it wasn’t just about the ex; it was about staking a claim—not just on the past, but on your relationship now. She felt proud of you, but also a little possessive, the way you demanded recognition for your place in his life. 

“Now I’m gone, but you’re still layin’,  

Next to me, one degree of separation.”

Those lines hit her. She could almost feel the tension in the air, the way you were making sure that your presence lingered in the background, even after everything. You weren’t just going to let him move on like that. You had a piece of him—an undeniable mark you had left, and now, he would always carry a part of you, whether he liked acknowledging it or not.

The song progressed, and Nika felt herself falling deeper into the beat, her fingers tapping lightly on the side of her leg. Then, the next lines came, and she couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“He pins you down on the carpet,  

Makes paintings with his tongue...  

He's funny, now all his jokes hit different  

Guess who he learned that from?”

Nika had heard about the infamous moments with your ex from him, how you used to joke around with him, how you would make each other laugh in ways that no one else could. Hearing you sing it, though, was a whole new experience. She loved how you were owning it, saying without words that *you* were the one who shaped him into the man he was now, even if that man wasn’t for you anymore.

“Now I’m gone, but you’re still layin’,  

Next to me, one degree of separation.” 

The song was bold, daring, and full of fire—the way Nika loved you. She could tell you had put everything into it, using your pain and your experiences to show your ex—and everyone else—that you weren’t someone to be forgotten.

As the chorus came around, Nika felt a rush of emotions. You were staking a claim to the past, but also, in some ways, to her. She was a little jealous, but in a way that made her respect you even more. She wasn’t threatened by your history, but rather proud of your strength and your ability to own your narrative.

Then came the final verses, and Nika found herself feeling a little moved. She had known what she was getting into when she got into a relationship with you—she knew about the ex, knew about the shared history, but she also knew that you were hers now.

“Every time you close your eyes  

And feel his lips, you’re feelin’ mine...” 

Her heart beat faster, and she could almost feel the intensity of your voice. Nika didn’t have to say anything for her love for you to pour out of her. She simply closed her eyes, letting the music carry her, feeling how you were always in her thoughts, even when she wasn't right there.

As the song finished, Nika pulled the headphones off, her mind buzzing with thoughts. You had said so much with this song, and every word felt like a little piece of your soul.

Before she could reflect further, she heard a knock at the door. Her teammates had all decided to come over for a get-together to celebrate your release.

Nika opened the door, and her teammates immediately flooded in, laughter and chatter filling the space.

"Yo, Nika, we heard your girl dropped a banger!" Aaliyah grinned, holding up her phone. "We were listening to it on the way here, and—damn, girl! She really went off."

Nika grinned, her heart swelling. "Yeah, she did. That song is... well, it's a statement."

Paige raised an eyebrow. "A statement? Damn, it’s more like a warning shot. That ex of hers better watch out."

Nika chuckled, nodding. "She’s not the type to let things go. And I love her for it."

Azzi leaned in, her voice playful. "I don’t think I’ve ever heard Nika get that protective over someone, but it’s kind of hot." 

Kk laughed before adding, “Damn we see you, girly pop.”

Nika flushed slightly, but she didn't mind. She was proud of you, and that pride extended beyond just the song. She knew how much you had been through, and hearing you express it so fiercely made her love you even more.

The whole team was hyped, teasing Nika in their usual playful manner, but the energy was warm, filled with appreciation for you, and a little curiosity about how things had gone down between you and your ex. 

But Nika already knew. It didn’t matter what the past held. What mattered was the present, and right now, the only thing she needed was you—and a victory on the court.

"Well, I heard you're back together and if that’s true," Nika hummed, quoting the chorus as the laughter died down. "I guess they'll have to taste you too."

The whole room burst into laughter again, but for Nika, it was more than just a catchy line—it was a declaration that, in the end, you were hers, and nothing was going to change that.

..................................................................................

[dyke-will-graham]

My list of songs so Hannigram coded it’s insane and the lyrics that make them so:

Salt in the Wound- Boygenius

‘You put salt in the wound, and a kiss on my cheek. You butter me up and you sit down to eat’

‘Neck full of mockingbirds all calling your name…I’m gnashing my teeth like a child of Cain’

I’m Your Man- Mitski

‘You’re an Angel, I’m a dog. Or you’re a dog and I’m you’re man. You believe me like a God, I destroy you like I am.’

‘I’m sorry I’m the one you love, no one will ever love me like you again so when you leave me I should die. I deserve it don’t I?’

Famous Last Words (an Ode to Eaters) - Ethel Cain

‘Look at me baby, dead in my eyes. It’s the end of our holiday, but it isn’t goodbye. Carry me with you all of the time.’

‘Eat of me baby, skin to the bone. Body on body until I’m all gone. But I’m with you inside.’

It Will Come Back- Hozier

All I’m gonna say is first verse is Hannibal POV, second is Will POV talking to eachother I could write a damn essay on this song and Hannigram

Shrike- Hozier

‘The words hung above, but never would form. Like a cry at the final breathe that is drawn. Remember me love, when I am reborn as the Shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn.’

‘Had no idea on the ground i was founded, oh that goodness is gone with you now. Then I met you, my virtues uncounted. My goodness is goin with you now.’

‘Back to the hedgerow where the bodies are mounted’

Abbey- Mitski

‘I am hungry, I have been hungry, I was born hungry, what do I need?’

Butchered Tongue- Hozier

This one I think is Will when he married Molly and settling into his new life but still looking for Hannibal in everything.

UPDATE:

Talk- Hozier

Once again getting into the Greek mythology themes and Hannigram parallels. Orpheus and Eurydice as Will and Hannibal haunts me.

‘I’d be the immediate in Eurydice, imagine being loved by me.”

Paralleled with the scenes of Hannibal and Wills seperate “I forgive you”.

Me and My Husband - Mitski

‘At least in this lifetime we’re sticking together.’

This is a little cracky, but this song reminds me of the way Hannibal and Will are chasing potentials and scenarios where they can stay together. Teacups and all that and yes the world is on fire but Hannibal and Will are together so it’s okay.

Breezeblocks- alt-j

Enough said.

NFWMB - Hozier

‘Give your heart and soul to charity. Because the rest of you, the best of you Honey belongs to me.’

The possessiveness of Hannibal and Will over eachother is insane, we know this. And I think people forget that Will is just as bad as Hannibal about it. (Just see any interaction between Bedelia and Will for evidence)

Salvatore- Lana Del Rey

“The summers wild and I’ve been waiting for you all this time. I adore you can’t you see you were meant for me?”

“Catch me if you can…dying at the hand of a foreign man, happily.”

Once More to See You- Mitski

“But with everybody watching us, our every move. We do have reputations, we keep it secret, won’t let them have it.”

“If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses then I wouldn’t have to scream your name.”

Televangelism- Ethel Cain

No lyrics in this one, just piano and the sound of me crying softly. This song is EVERYTHING the Primavera scene was in Dolce. Please listen. The slow build, the melodic flutter of a heartbeat the rise and ascension when they see each other and smile at one another, the acceptance of fate, the knowledge of love. “You and I have begun to blur.”

anything - Adrienne Lenker

“I don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy I just wanna be a part of your family.”

Savior Complex- Phoebe Bridgers

“Drift off on the floor, I drag you to the shore. Sweating through the sheets you’re gonna drown in your sleep for sure. Wake up and start a fire in our one room apartment but I’m too tired to have a pissing contest, all the bad dreams that you hide show me yours I’ll show you mine.”

“Baby you’re a Vampire, you want blood and I promised I’m a good liar with a savior complex.”

Pre-Mizumono to Post-Fall Hannigram can be found everywhere in this song.

OKAY OKAY THATS IT IF YOU STAYED THIS LONG THANKS IF YOU WANT MORE HANNIGRAM LISTEN TO MY PLAYLIST ITS CHALK FULL OF ANGST

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/14/2024

googled "sample bon mot" in a fit of desperation, considered asking chatgpt to generate me some for 0.2 seconds before the visceral BLEUGH reaction plus remembered that every query is like pouring a 16oz water bottle out on the ground, and figured this series of events would be a better intro than anything else i could come up with

listening

miya folick's Pet Body was off last week's spotify rec playlist. i had liked some individual songs by miya folick (singer/songwriter/alt/indie/dance/electronica) but now i gotta really dive into her discography-- this particular very peppy and upbeat song with dire lyrics is really clicking with me lately as my body overreacts to texas pollen and engages in other known misbehaviors.

the chorus, my god

Proper care and feeding for my pet body

and this verse

I'm just a brain with a pet body Out for a walk until I croak I'm just an ordinary subject In an ordinary book

as my mother used to say, i'm real fuckin sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

-

reading

ough i need to vacuum. i picked up Mrs Vargas and the Dead Naturalist by Kathleen Alcalá for a dollar last summer bc 0) killer title 1) it was a dollar 2) cool cover 3) autographed 4) endorsed by le guin.

kind of fascinating as an object: weird little lesbian (?) boutique press that's still around, idk ive ever seen a notice about steps they took to ensure the longevity of the physical book before?

i find myself bouncing off latin and south american magical realism a lot bc i am not in those authors’ intended audiences/i do not have the background to fully appreciate them. i have a bachelors of science. and that’s fine bc that’s the point! this is one of the very few times post-college where i caught myself thinking “man i gotta find a class to take about this”.

even if i do not understand the wider cultural context or the real-life figures she obliquely references in many of these short stories (i am convinced the bird-voiced singer is based on a real singer), i do appreciate alcalá’s craft: true short stories, she makes her point and then ends it. the twist in Reading the Road specifically— woof that’s gonna stick with me for a bit. a perfect little o henry twist of the knife. i wanted so badly to link this specific short story but apparently nobody has used it to teach anything and the book itself is not widely available/on the internet archive/etc. u will have to find this story of a roadside fortune teller (who is current on all her business permits) and one day's fortune telling, by yourself perhaps through your library

-

watching

the prisoner, the seventeen episode british sixties tv cult classic. let's yoink the description from wikipedia.

The Prisoner is a British television series created by Patrick McGoohan, with possible contributions from George Markstein.[2] McGoohan portrays Number Six, an unnamed British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned in a mysterious coastal village after resigning from his position.[3] The allegorical plotlines of the series contain elements of science fiction, psychological drama, and spy fiction.

number six shares a lot of traits with my cat philip marlowe, as they are both hell fucking bent on escaping and all attempts to restrain them just sort of train them to be better at the next attempt? as one might expect from a heavily allegorical sixties show, kind of heavy emotional going so im watching an episode every day or two.

why am i watching this? it's free on my library streaming service (and tubi), and i don't have a lot going on. i love one-season cancelled shows, i love Dad Media, unfortunately i was a navy brat and i do love some cloak and dagger shit. i LOOOOVE a fucked up little town and bureaucracy-as-cudgel. i actually came across this when i wishlisted the game We Happy Few back in 2018, another entry in the "creepy little british towns" genre. have yet to play it

-

playing

the cosmology and general backstory of genshin is convoluted as hell (The Gods are real and live in the sky, but some lowercase-g gods are also rulers of the seven nations in-game) but they have been foreshadowing a grand showdown since the very beginning of the game. one player character cannot de- or re-stablize so many regions and engage in so many power struggles without someone taking notice.

i did NOT, however, expect one of the regional god-rulers (purple) to start planning for this divine war in a side cutscene in a seasonal event. a seasonal event around rock n roll rhythm games. absolutely devastated i missed the pink fox lady's rerun right after i had to give my work laptop back and before i got the PC fixed. this game will not run on my iphone 12 for love or money

-

making

bit of a depression hovel situation going on. we are slowly rolling that back tho. finally met my landlord during the HVAC replacement debacle, he said that he bought this apartment in 2009, lived here for ten years, and then his parents lived here for a couple years. i am the first non-family tenant, i think. all of the appliances and fixtures are from 2009. i think the fridge will be the next to go. ANYWAY. i asked him what the deal was with the lack of bathroom vents and HE said when he had an air conditioner put in in 2009 the HVAC guy then assured him he only needed the HVAC vents and closed up the actual vents. which is a load of shit. i am not really excited to live here for another year but i really super can't afford to move and finding an apartment in houston the first time was such a goddamn nightmare. i cannot do three years tho. hopefully something will have changed by august 2025.

i have also, through a special cashback bonus reward on my credit card, a sale, a gift card, and cashing in more cashback money, acquired a cat tree for philip. modeled here by mackie bc we did room swapping again as i was writing this. i cannot be bothered to install curtain tiebacks or properly fold anything, as you can see below

[mariacallous]

In early September, Warner Bros. released a teaser for A Minecraft Movie, the studio’s new film based on Mojang’s nearly 15-year-old sandbox game. Directed by Napoleon Dynamite helmer Jared Hess, it was, frankly, very goofy. Jack Black was Steve; Jason Momoa was sporting maybe the worst hairdo he’s ever had. Everyone involved, even the animated creatures, seemed to think they were in a different movie.

But that wasn’t what the trolls latched onto. Instead, they fixed on the fact that a Black woman—Orange Is the New Black’s Danielle Brooks—was in the Overworld.

As the trailer racked up dislikes, right-wing influencers like Elijah Schaffer and Nick Fuentes posted Brooks’ image next to disparaging comments and made references to “forced diversity” and “woke” Hollywood. It was Gamergate 2.0—a reimagining of the decade-old harassment campaign aimed at rallying against diversity, equity, and inclusion—but aimed at a kids’ movie, rather than a video game.

According to Wendy Via, cofounder and CEO of the Global Project Against Hate and Extremism, which just published a report looking at the far right’s racist comments about the trailer, the response comes from a new, and also quite old, playbook. “Large-scale campaigns against trailers specifically are a relatively new phenomenon, but attempting to frame ‘wokeness’ as an invisible enemy infiltrating the entertainment industry is not,” Via says.

Via points out that back in spring of 2023, the far-right X account End Wokeness made similar noise about a “Protect Trans Kids” flag that appeared briefly in the trailer for Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. The goal of these campaigns is to target “spaces where young, white men are influenced,” like sci-fi movies and video games, which appeal to younger audiences, Via adds. “Providing racist and homophobic commentary on popular franchises through large social media platforms like Twitter and YouTube serves as an effective means to propagandize and recruit young people to hate movements.”

Take, for example, The Acolyte. Earlier this year, the Disney+ show found itself the target of fan backlash while star Amandla Stenberg was subjected to racist comments online. So, too, was Kelly Marie Tran, who played Rose Tico in the most recent Star Wars movie trilogy. The minimizing of her role in the last installment, The Rise of Skywalker, perhaps emboldened diversity detractors further.

Reception of The Acolyte seemed, almost, to be a solidification. Fan unrest in the Star Wars universe is a cousin to, if not a direct descendant of, Gamergate, and since former Trump White House strategist Steve Bannon harnessed the energy of that movement and used it to fuel the then burgeoning so-called alt-right, influencers have used similar tactics to convince aggrieved men that their games, their shows and movies, and their country are somehow being taken from them.

By the time the Minecraft Movie trailer dropped, the script was already set. Influencers just had to pick which lines to say.

Whereas 2014’s rallying cry was a more broadly misogynistic, racist one, the Gamergate of 2024 seems focused on the idea of the “DEI hire”—a woman, LGBTQ+ or BIPOC person who ends up blamed for “ruining” something. Pundits used this language to attack Vice President Kamala Harris. Right-wing talking heads pointed the finger at female Secret Service agents for not fully protecting Trump during the July attempt on his life. Fans have lobbed it at the inclusion of a Black samurai in Assassin’s Creed Shadows.

Campaigning against diversity in games came into particular focus earlier this year when Sweet Baby Inc., a Canadian consultancy, became the focus of a group of players upset at what they viewed as the “wokeification” of video games. Online harassment of the company’s employees hit new heights last winter when a Steam curation group called Sweet Baby Inc Detected popped up purporting to list all the games the company had advised on, giving people an easy way to boycott certain titles or post bad reviews of them. Even though the company hadn’t touched several of the games, and as founder Kim Belair told WIRED this winter, the company “[doesn’t] want forced diversification either,” the harassing comments continued for months.

On September 4, the same day the Minecraft Movie trailer went up, the US Department of Justice unsealed an indictment against two employees of the state-backed Russian news network RT, in which it alleged that they had secretly funded the right-wing influencer network Tenet Media. The DOJ accused the company of posting content full of Kremlin-approved talking points, though individual influencers working for Tenet say they knew nothing about the ties to Russia and are not accused of wrongdoing. A WIRED analysis of Tenet’s videos, since taken down by YouTube, found several frequently used three-word phrases. Among them: “Black Lives Matter,” “diversity equity inclusion,” and “Sweet Baby Inc.”

Into this firestorm landed Minecraft. As Adrienne Massanari, an associate professor at American University’s school of communications and author of the forthcoming book Gaming Democracy: How Silicon Valley Leveled Up the Far Right, points out, Minecraft (the gaming platform), already had some right-leaning fans. Its creator, Markus “Notch” Persson, who sold Mojang to Microsoft for $2.5 billion in 2014, has sent some dumb tweets about race, and Minecraft “has a reputation for being connected to the far-right pipeline,” Massanari says. Being based on a game connects the Minecraft Movie to Gamergate-like responses in some ways, but it’s also possible that a movie based on “this particular game,” she adds, has activated a certain kind of fan.

Back in August, Deadline reported The Acolyte would not be getting a second season. It was, Stenberg would later say, “not a huge shock” considering the response online. Other reports claimed it didn’t get a second season because it was expensive and didn’t attract a huge viewership. Regardless of the reason, Via says the far right saw it as a victory of the “go woke, go broke” narrative they’ve been pushing.

“Going after The Minecraft Movie may be an attempt to recreate this ‘victory’ and provide the far right with the opportunity to craft the narrative about a series or film themselves,” Via says. “If Minecraft were to perform poorly at the box office, they could point to “diversity” as a reason for its failure and justify petitioning for more media that excludes everyone but straight, white men.”

[isthei]

hi, i’m roo! i write and draw (mostly fanfic/fanart since they’re such potent stress relievers).

i try to keep a nice mix of my own posts and reblogs, but mostly i do whatever i want. i tag posts like i’m sorting things into boxes. also i yap a lot

about me:

he/they | 20s | se asian | multifandom artist and writer

ao3 | twitter (this is my only other fandom social)

useful tags:

my art

my headcanons

my posts

roo crows (personal posts)

current major interests:

marvel (fav: peter parker)

star wars (fav: luke skywalker)

ttrpg (d&d, city of mist) — i actually like to design these as a hobby

cyoa game development

i also rb things that i think describe the audhd and aroace experience! plus stuff that describes me in general.

non-comprehensive list of things i’m also into and reblog occasionally:

avatar the last airbender (fav: fire hazard siblings) | dc | dimension 20 (fav: misfits and magic) | disco elysium | elder scrolls | fire emblem | merlin | neon genesis evangelion | percy jackson-verse: pjo/hoo/toa/mctga | pokémon | spider-verse | star trek (mostly aos) | star wars

sideblogs, boundaries, ships etc. under the cut

sideblogs:

@istheiart — art-only sideblog. i am slowly reblogging all my art here

@istheialt — 18+ sideblog

personal boundaries:

hate groups dni. it will be unpleasant for both of us

if you know me irl pretend you do not see

if you’re a minor, please don’t follow my alt. i’m also advising you to block #nsfw. i try to keep the more adult stuff off my main blog but i don’t want to censor myself!

if you’re under 16 i’d advise you to get off social media in general but like. i’m not your dad

asks are always welcome! but i’m usually on mobile so it’s a little harder for me to remember to look in the old inbox—i might not see them right away

ships:

atla ships

zukka

kataang

azutara/kazula

aged up aang/zuko

i also like sukka but i don’t post about it as much!

disco elysium ships

harry/kim

fire emblem ships

m!chrobin

marvel ships

cablepool

petermj

punknoir

spideypool

spideytorch

merlin ships

merthur

pjo/mctga ships

percabeth

fierrochase

star trek ships

(aos) spirk

star wars ships

dinluke

[psychologeek]

WhumpMonth challenge

Due to the success of @whumptober (index), I'm going to try for @whumplovers-collaborate 's WhumpMonth challenge.

Feel free to send a number+more spesific request (for example, "3+Sweet Dreams au, badman verse)

Prompts (some I added songs I think would fit. Bc I like playlists):

1. Backed into a Corner

Facing fears / Isolation / Unable to breathe

STARSET – My Demons

2. Your Own Worst Enemy

Dehydration / Nausea / Unhealthy coping mechanisms

Lauren Aquilina – King

3. Reckless

“Take me instead.” / Made an example of / Impaled

4. Cold Room

Lab rat / Used as bait / Interrogation

TOKIO HOTEL ft. Kerli - Strange

Heavy boots on a hard stone floor.

“You aren't my son,” mom says. “You are the thing that blasphemy inside his body”.

There's pain again.

5. In the Shadows

Chains / Ritualistic torture / Left for dead

ashes remain - on my own

6.All Eyes on You

Made to watch / Put on display / “I can’t let them see me like this.”

blink-182 - In Transit

7. Ragdoll

Carried / Manhandling / Fever-induced honesty

8. Tools of the Trade

Whipping / Electric shock / Salt in the wound

Sucker for Pain

9. Home Stretch

Limping / Dead on their feet / On the run

10. Push

Broken pride / Overwork / Stoicism taken as a challenge

11. Lost in a Dream

Drugged / Temporary loss of a sense / Nightmare

Digital Daggers - Still Here

12. Should’ve Seen it Coming

PTSD / Explosion / Survivor’s guilt

Lacey (UK) – Dream in a Little Less Colour

13. Keep Your Enemies Closer

Scar reveal / Rescued by the enemy / Abuse of power

14. Alone

Drug withdrawal / Self-surgery / “Nobody is coming for you.”

15. Darkest Hour

Failed escape / Hand comes away bloody / Helplessness

16. Like a Dog

Begging / Kicked while they’re down / “Just get it over with.”

Bring me the horizon - Kick me when I'm down

17. In the Ring

Bloodsport / Duel / Fighting through the pain

18. Red-handed

Gunpoint / Mission gone wrong / Panic

19. Bite Your Tongue

Gagged / Slowly falling silent / Hidden injury

20. “Why are you doing this?”

Amnesia / Self sacrifice / Confused by kindness

21. What Doesn’t Leave You

Exhaustion / Old wound still hurts / Hallucinations

22. Hold On

Stabbed / Infection / Field Medicine

23. Down for the Count

Beatdown / Repeatedly passing out / Trail of blood

24. Last Straw

Waking up crying / “Go on without me.” / Betrayal

25. Precious Cargo

Injured in the escape / Near-drowning / “They were behind me a second ago.”

26. Last Resort

Doorstep collapse / “No. No hospital.” / Blood loss

27. Running on Empty

Hypothermia / Magical exhaustion / Sleep deprivation

28. Trophy

Animal trap / Strung up by the hands / Hunted for sport

29. Missing in Action

Stranded / Vehicular accident / Long fall into water

30. Presumed Dead

Head injury / Last second rescue / “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

31. It’s Not Over

Can’t make a sound / Broken bones / After-action patch-up

Alts:

Blown cover

Threats of violence

Self-loathing

Muzzled

Gilded cage

Botched execution

Shock

Recording

Made to hurt

Animal attack

[oliveroctavius]

Sorry About The Spider-Man Acronyms: A Guide for the anon @hawkogurl got, or anyone else who needs it. This is only a small selection of Spidey media, but it's the ones that are commonly referred to in shorthand like this.

Movies:

SM1, SM2, SM3: Spider-Man movies directed by Sam Raimi, starring Tobey Maguire.

TASM, TASM2: The Amazing Spider Man movies directed by Marc Webb, starring Andrew Garfield.

MCU: The Marvel Cinematic Universe.

ITSV, ATSV, BTSV: Into, Across, and Beyond The Spider-Verse animated movies.

TV shows:

TNAS: Spider-Man The New Animated Series (2003). People mostly forget this one exists.

TSSM: The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008). Sometimes written as SSM.

USM: Ultimate Spider-Man (2012).

MSM or MSM 2017: Marvel's Spider Man (2017).

Comic series titles:

ASM: The Amazing Spider-Man. Sometimes written as TASM.

SSM: The Spectacular Spider-Man. Sometimes written as TSSM.

WSM or WOSM: Web of Spider-Man.

SM/DP: Spider-Man/Deadpool.

USM: Ultimate Spider-Man.

SM2099: Spider-Man 2099. (Miguel's origin series.)

Frequently used comics universe numbers:

616: The main Marvel comics universe, including ASM, SSM, WSM, and virtually every mainline comic since the sixties.

1610: The "Ultimate" universe, including USM, launched in 2000 and closed in 2015. Miles Morales' home universe.

65 or Earth-65: Spider-Gwen's home universe.

MC2: An alt future universe where Peter's daughter is Spider-Girl.

6160: The... new alt future "Ultimate" universe just opened in 2024. I still don't know what's going on there.

Other random acronyms you'll see:

SM PS4/MSM, MSM2: the Marvel's Spider-Man games from Insomniac.

OMD: One More Day, the name for the 2007 story arc which broke up Peter & MJ's marriage, among other changes.

BND: Brand New Day, the comic arc immediately after OMD. OMD/BND are really two halves of the same whole, so you'll see people use them interchangeably.

KLH: The Kraven's Last Hunt storyline.

TCW: The Child Within storyline.

JMD: J. M. DeMatteis, a comic writer who did both Kraven's Last Hunt and The Child Within.

I hope this helps and, uh, good luck.

[xx-blueboy-xx]

Oooooh Gabriel’s guide to Sam Winchester I must know 🥺

WIP Ask Game!

Sooo!!!

The title is a reference to "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" - and there is a reason for it!

Here is a little synopsis of the fic I have:

Gabriel, in a last ditch effort to save his life - goes careening through space and time. Searching for his one and only: Sam Winchester.

Sorta.

He really should have told the hunter about his feelings, before he went off and nearly died. Now, he is stuck jumping through universes and alternate-timelines, until he manages to discover the soul his own was anchored too.

So: basically, the plot is season-13 divergent where as Gabriel is being stabbed by Alt!Michael he tries and does his "fake death" trick but due to a lack of grace (and Alt!Michael's doing) something goes awry. Anddd, so, instead of ending back with OG!Sam in the bunker in the OG!Supernaturalverse he crash lands himself straight into an AU!

The fic follows him hopping between universes as he attempts to track down his Sam - meeting a bunch of AU!Sams along the way! And each chapter is titled realted to something he knows about Sam/learns what is different about the AU!Sams he meets! (and are numbered like a list)

I was planning on finishing it for GBB but, life happened and I didn't get around to it + had to drop out due to a lack of time. It is currently sitting at about 23k words with 4 complete chapters!!

Which are, because i genuinely love this fic and I will finish it someday (there is 2-3 more chapters I have planned and a lit of editing)

1. Sam Winchester is Not A Coward

- which is taking place in the world where Dean visted during his jinn dream! Lawyer!Sam who because of OG!Dean's visit entire timeline was set astray... (so the supernatural still exist in this world he just didn't know about it obv - because all the ppl they saved died)

2. Sam Would Die For Dean

- this is also taking place with Lawyer!Sam

3. Sam Likes Two Spoonful of Sugar in his Coffee

- in this one Gabriel meets a coffee-shop no real monsters Sam! Who is a huge fan of the books "Supernatural" (but they feature the Ghostfacers as the two brothers)

4. Sam Winchester is Warm

- Still with coffee-shop Sam! And it features Gabriel meeting his own alternative (who is basically just Richard Slieght)

5. Sam Winchester is Not An Evil Son of A Bitch

- the unstarted chapter but !! It's BoyKing!Sam :) and Gabriel meets his own alternative from this world too!

6. Sam Is Perfectly & Beautifully Human

- Gabe ends up in a Reverse!verse and meets angel!sam and hunter!gabe (unstarted only plotted)

7. Sam Is A Survivor

- Sam is dead. That's it. That's the world. (plotted only)

8. Sam Is Everything

- Gabe finally makes it home!!! 🎉 To his Sam!

I am like spoiling the whole thing but it has veen a while since I touched it so, jt's nice to explore it again/think about it once more. Life just got soooo busy when I was working on it.

Anyways! Have an excerpt because, well, I have a lack of self control!!

(From Chapter 4, the last few hundred words of the WIP)

“I don't owe a traitor anything. All you need to know, dearest little brother: is that you are never getting home. And that I am tired of being nice. I tried my best to give you a happy ending. But, perhaps, I should show you one of the bad endings, hm? Maybe that will make you appreciate my gifts more.”

“Bastard! You know over the millennia, you would think someone would have managed to remove that stick from your ass!” he screams at nothing hearing his own voice echo off the walls, and spiral down the staircase: his true voice is leaking through a bit as well. Ever since Asmodnoues he hasn’t had such good control over it as he used to. Having spent hundreds of years in a vessel had made him a master of control. He doesn’t receive an answer to his quip, feeling the world tilt before it swirls. Melting around him, the walls and ceiling dripping. Feeling as if he is being thrown by an invisible hand he finds himself stumbling into an entirely new environment. His vision swims and he feels his grace flare out around him defensively only for it to be - locked. Not gone. But locked inside of his body. He feels shackles around his wrists and his blazing golden eyes snap to them. There are Enochian runes carved into strange flickering-smokey bracelets. They vanish, but their effect is as strong as ever.

He has been bound. To what, or who, well that’s to be seen. Gabriel flares his wings out feeling them stir the air around him from their incorporeal state. He doesn’t fly. His shoulders slump in defeat and he finally starts to take in where he is. In some kind of grand throne room.. It looks nicer than it had in a long time, there is a strange familiar touch to the layout. Every ruler of Hell loved to reshape the place. Large black-marble columns, very Greek in style around him lining the long-hall. Beneath his feet a plush red carpet was rolled all the way to the base of a massive throne, carved from bone. Human skulls line the top of the throne, placed delicately upon spikes, hollow eye sockets glaring with small red-burning fires in them.

The archangel feels like he has lost the ability to process as his gaze first finds the shining black-dress shoes upon the man sitting in the throne. Gabriel’s eyes reveal the long-blue tail whipping behind him, deep-red spikes lining it, and he can see carefully folded leathery-wings behind his back, the spiked tips blood red while the wings themselves fade from black into a navy blue. Two long-horns protrude from the man’s head of wavy-brown locks spiraling straight up in spires. On earth, these kinds of things would be unseen on the vessel. But not in Hell. Blazing yellow eyes glow as they take in the sight of the archangel, who finally processes the face that bares the sharp-toothed grin being sent his way.

“Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in?”

The Boy King, steps down from the throne of Hell.

[just-horrible-things]

'Verse: Resistance AU: Chewtoy, Alt: What if Connor's "right way" worked out

Dust

Connor drives her home. Ari sits in the passenger seat, stiff and numb, feeling her stripes through the bandages and the unfamiliar dull of the painkillers they made her take.

It doesn’t feel real.

The last time she let herself hope it was real, Connor betrayed her.

She has all of the documentation that proves it’s real right here, in an envelope clutched too-tight between sweaty, trembling fingers.

It’s not going to stick. Riven’s going to find some way to drag her back. She feels it as a leaden weight in her chest, crushing her lungs down into her stomach.

Connor tries to get her to talk, asking questions she cannot possibly answer like what’s she going to do now. She mumbles “don’t know” and does not look at him.

She ought to be trying to drink in the sight of outside while it lasts, but she barely sees the buildings rolling past the windows.

Eventually he parks up in a lot that she recognises but cannot find any familiarity in. She knows where she is, but all the shapes are alien. She gets out of the car. 

Connor gets out too, and gets the meagre bag of Ari’s belongings from the back before she can get to it. Ari holds out her hand for it. He looks like he didn’t expect her to take it, but he hands it over.

He follows her into the building. She wants to tell him to fuck off but – it’s pretty fucking ungrateful, isn’t it. He did get her out. She shouldn’t still be angry with him.

In the elevator she turns her keys over and over in her hands like they’re some foreign artefact. Connor is quiet, perhaps finally understanding that she doesn’t want to talk.

The lock on her front door is no stiffer than she remembers it. She supposes that with no weather inside the apartment block, there’s no reason for it to stiffen up with disuse. Reluctance hits her like a wave. She doesn’t want to open the door. But with Connor watching, she doesn’t hesitate.

The first thing that strikes her is the smell. A cold, damp smell, of dust and mildew and god she hopes there isn’t too much mold.

The second thing is the dust. A thin, off-grey layer coats absolutely everything. The carpet, the couch, the cabinet, the bookshelves she never fully filled, the windowsill, the printer, the paper she left out, the unwashed plate still balanced on the arm of the couch…

She knew, she knew to expect it, but christ it’s going to take a long time to clean up.

She can’t feel the dust through her boots, that’s ridiculous. But she thinks she can. Grime under her soles, gritty and greasy. All the doors still stand ajar where she presumably left them.

“How long…” When she looks back, Connor is still lingering at the front door. His tone has changed, blunt pragmatism softened and hollowed out by surprise and a pity that makes Ari’s skin crawl. “I lost track,” she answers without feeling. “About three years.”

There’s insect dirt all over the kitchen floor. Fuck, what did she leave in the cupboards? Probably pasta, rice… She’s not even going to think about the fridge yet. That’s a problem for another day. In fact, the whole kitchen is a problem for another day. Priorities. She makes for the bedroom instead.

It’s going to be grim, she knows. If there’s mildew in the sheets she might have to chuck them. But if it’s just dust it should wash out…

“Why don’t you stay at my place tonight,” says Connor. Ari looks back. He’s stepped into the apartment now, but not far enough to close the door behind himself. “Or… as many nights as you need.”

Why, so you can cuff me to your couch again?

Ari bites her tongue. “It’s fine,” she says. “It won’t take too long to clear a space to sleep. I can work on the rest later. Over the… the next few weeks. It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

She doesn’t want to look at him. She pushes the bedroom door open instead – avoiding the dust-coated handle – to take in the layer of grime and mold coating everything that used to be hers. 

A wide swathe of black mold is creeping up the outside wall, all spots and streaks. Well fuck. Maybe she isn’t sleeping in here any time soon. That’s going to take a shitload of scrubbing to get rid of.

“‘Anything else to do’ – Ari, you need to take time to recover. The doctor said rest, you can’t be – deep cleaning an entire apartment.”

Her bedsheets are still rumpled, unmade, the dust highlighting all the untidy folds. She doesn’t remember the last day she woke up here. She didn’t know she wasn’t coming back.

“We’ll get a cleaning company.” Connor is still talking. “And you can stay with me until this place is fit for human habitation.”

Anger is sick and bitter in the back of her throat. Her fingers are tight on the doorframe – too tight, she makes an effort to relax before Connor sees the white of her knuckles.

“Or… if you don’t want to stay with me, we can book you into a hotel.” “Here is fine.” She tries not to snap it, and instead her voice comes out thick and choked. She digs her fingernails into the palm of her hand. “Here is a biohazard,” Connor fires back. “You are not sleeping here, you’ll get… mold in your lungs or something.”

Her stupid childish posters are still on the wall, actors she no longer gives a shit about succumbing slowly to the encroaching mold. Movies get nothing right anyway.

It’s better than a cell – but she doesn’t say it. She doesn’t want his pity, she doesn’t want –

She stiffens, sensing Connor’s approach without looking round. She’s ready to shrug a hand off her shoulder, ready to pull away without giving in to the impulse to lash out – but he doesn’t touch her. He stops out of arm’s reach. Reluctantly she turns to face him.

Their feet have left prints in the dust.

“Come with me,” he says. It’s almost, almost a request, but even now he’s telling her, not asking. Even though she’s supposed to be free now, why would anyone ever ask Ari to do anything?

She’s trembling, and she hates it.

“Let’s go and get something to eat, and set you up with a decent place to sleep, and we can figure out what to do about –” an encompassing gesture “-- this later.” 

We, we, we. Inviting himself into her life – such as it is.

“I’m not yours,” she snaps. The look he gives her is withering. “Jesus, Ari. You’re not anyone’s. What crazy crap did he put in your head?” Ari flushes, the kind of head-to-toe flush that makes her face and her fingers and the soles of her feet itch. “Sorry,” she mumbles, “The, um, the drugs, I’m not... thinking clearly…” “Yet another reason not to tackle this today.”

Her shoulders are shaking. She feels like once upon a time she would have been crying, but there are no tears.

She doesn’t want to be here. This moldering shell of the life she used to have isn’t a home. It’s the cast off skin of a teenager who doesn’t exist anymore.

“Come on,” Connor repeats. “This is… day one. You don’t have to tackle everything at once.” Reluctantly, eyes fixed on the dusty carpet, she nods.

So she trails after him like a ghost as he leads her back out of the apartment. She locks up without needing to be told, and puts the jagged shapes of the keys back into her pocket. They ride the elevator down in silence.

It’s only when he expects her to get back into his car that she balks.

“If they,” she fumbles, “if, if I have to…” Connor stops half-in-half-out of the car. He looks at her struggling, fidgeting at her bag, and settles on out. He leans his elbows on the top of his car to listen to Ari as she tries to find her tongue. “If they change their minds, and they — want me back, want me to go back –” “You’re not going back.” “-- I don’t thi– no, I won’t survive it again.” “Ari, listen to me. You’re not going back. If they change their minds, I will tell them that I lost you and I will make sure you get out of the country. But they won’t change their minds, –” “What about – not being a traitor, not putting your, your job and your life on the line, not – letting me desert –” The words are tumbling out of her now. “What about – people seeing you with me and – CCTV and –” “Ari.” “-- and your fucking duty – aren’t you gonna jump to it if they call you back to fucking heel? Aren’t you gonna drag me back in if they decide I’m the traitor and Riven was – is –” “Ari.”

She shuts up. She hates herself for it, for responding to the anger in his voice with instant compliance.

“I’m not taking you back again. I told you – if this way doesn’t work, I will find another way. I’m not taking you back for Riven to kill you, or for anyone else to do it. If they try to call you back or frame you as the bad guy here… that’s a blatant perversion of the law, and I will not go along with it.” Ari almost laughs. She swallows hard, tries to disguise it as a cough. “Didn’t I tell you I was getting you out?” he presses. “And here you are.”

“Swear it,” Ari demands. She doesn’t know where it comes from. “Swear you won’t – give me back to them, no matter what they say.” It’s a stupid thing to ask for. Why would a promise to her carry more weight than his oaths to President and country? “I swear it. No matter what.”

Ari exhales shakily. She wants to run from him, run from here. Grab everything that’s worth anything from the apartment and run and run and never look back. Not trust Connor, or anyone else, ever again, and just pray that when they change their minds she’s far enough away that finding her isn’t worth the effort, and – live however she has to, sleep in the trash if she has to and stay under the radar and –

“... Will you get in the car?”

Feeling numb, Ari nods.

[plazmafields]

It's ramble time because I started another playthrough of cyberpunk and have some Thoughts.

(Spoilers probably)

So I said in a previous post that I don't think Kerry is dating V just because Johnny's in his head, and I still believe that. However, I was also under the impression Johnny was a womanizer and way straight. However, now that they've fixed it so that what Johnny says is effected by your approval with him, Johnny's said some ... things. Things that make me think:

He's jealous of Kerry and V's relationship.

If you have high approval when Johnny gives you the quest Holdin' On, you can ask him why he and Kerry were always at odds. Johnny says something to the effect of: "Kerry could never decide if he wanted to fuck me or kick me out of the band. Problem was he has a dick, so I wasn't interested."

Now in my last 2.0 playthrough, my choices at the end of Phantom Liberty locked me into a low approval with Johnny that I couldn't come back from. With low approval, if you ask him in V's apartment if he's ok with you sleeping with Kerry, Johnny says (paraphrasing): "Sleeping with? He fucked you once. Don't get used to it."

However, with high approval he says: "Yeah. Kind of ironic, Kerry was always trying to get into bed with me and I guess he finally got what he wanted thanks to you."

V responds to this with: "You know, it's not always about you. Thought ever cross your mind?" And Johnny gives a snarky remark.

With low approval, Johnny is very defensive about Kerry sleeping with V. He and Kerry were friends, good friends, but even Johnny admits (while at his grave) that he never let anyone get too close to him. Kerry probably knew him second best after Alt, but how much of that was Johnny truly opening up, verses forced proximity? I really don't feel like Johnny is the type to be all "what are your intentions with my boy?" any time Kerry got a new boyfriend.

With high approval, Johnny still manages to make it about himself (as always), but for some reason his tone of voice sounds like he's not joking, he's genuinely thinking about whether this counts as him having fucked Kerry.

Now this leads me to ask: was it Johnny who had the crush on Kerry, and not the other way around? He brings it up all the time while you're doing Kerry's missions, but after Rebel Rebel, Kerry doesn't talk about Johnny unless you ask. None of the options when you talk to him at home mention Johnny, on the boat when he talks about Samurai, he doesn't bring up Johnny, and when he talks about starting a new chapter in his life you can ask "does this have anything to do with Johnny?" he says No very confidently, then takes a second to think and realize that none of this "rebirth" would have happened without V and Johnny. But (at least to me) he doesn't seem to consider Johnny part of his life anymore.

I think Johnny HATES that. I think Johnny always saw himself as hot shit and the most desirable man on the planet, and the idea that a gay man didn't want him drives him crazy. If Kerry were straight then of course he wouldn't fall victim to Johnny's charms.

If Kerry were bi (see my previous post if you wanna know my feelings on Kerry's sexuality in game vs in lore) then Johnny would have been able to convince himself Kerry just liked women more than men.

But he's not. Kerry's gay and somehow didn't want to ride Johnny seven ways to Sunday.

I don't know if that makes Johnny bi or not, but I really feel that Kerry wasn't the one who wanted to get into bed with Johnny, it was always the other way around.

~~~

I'm not convinced by this next part, but here's some tentative evidence to the contrary, if you wanna play devil's advocate:

In Kerry's sex scene, we see he likes something a little rough, and in some texts he mentions that he gets turned on when V is short with him (mainly thinking of the text convo you get if you start Phantom Liberty already dating Kerry).

Maybe Kerry likes when people play hard-to-get and ignore him, maybe he's got a bit of a humiliation kink going on, and maybe he got turned on by the way Johnny was always mean to him.

I feel like that's stretching things tho, we don't have a lot of evidence for that, just a text that was added after the initial release of the game, and a single slap in a cut scene.

Another thing to mention because I feel like I can't NOT mention it: why the fuck does Kerry look DIRECTLY into Johnny's eyes as he gets head from a fan on the stairs??? That kinda throws a curve ball into all of this and I'm not sure what to make of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯