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starfleetdoesntfirefirst · 5 years ago

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8tracks Backup

Edited 1/7/2020 to reflect that the new workbook can open your 8tracks folder and fix errored playlists you’ve already run with just a few clicks, which I hadn’t realized until I had time to use it myself!

The following is the new, up-to-date as of 1/6/2020 version of this reblog chain with extraneous and out-of-date information removed and a link to and information on the new workbook.

After 8tracks announced, with only a few days’ notice, that it was shutting down on 12/31/2019, an effort was made to preserve as many playlists as possible. The original 8tracks backup macro by VidderAdmin was downloaded over a hundred times across multiple continents, and the information from thousands of playlists was saved. Go fandom!

However, it turns out that 8tracks is staying up a bit longer—though we have no way of knowing how long—which leaves more time to save playlist information. To this end, VidderAdmin and the team that formed to work on this created a new macro workbook that fixes some issues and improves functionality.

The Updated Macro Workbook

- FIXED: playlists with Unicode producing 0kb files (and helps rerun files that failed)

- FIXED: missing images (and helps rerun files that failed)

- IMPROVED FUNCTIONALITY: helps rerun failures, allows user to choose folders to download to and to download to subfolders by fandom tag specified by user, accounts for extraneous text at the end of URLs without the user needing to ctrl+f and delete it, checks folders to ensure every text file has a matching image and reruns those without

You will need to have macros enabled to run the spreadsheet; here’s how to enable macros. Side note: genuinely friendly PSA that macros are default-disabled in Excel for a reason. Macro viruses can send and delete files and be computer-destroying levels of dangerous; always be careful what you choose to download and run!

Download: bit.ly/8tracksbackup

[Rest of ID in alt text] “8tracksbackup is a macro-enabled workbook that helps to quickly download playlist metadata (including the track list) and cover artwork based on URLs that you provide. We have also included some tools to help ensure those downloads worked correctly.

We're a team of volunteers hoping to preserve fandom history before it's lost, but we are not affiliated with 8tracks, and we are not affiliated with Internet Archive.

While we've done our best to test out the macros in this workbook and address any bugs or glitches, unfortunately we can't guarantee how it will perform, and you are using this at your own risk.

If you're familiar with VBA, you can take a look at the code yourself, but again please know that we can't guarantee how it will perform if you modify the code, or if you are sent a copy of this workbook that didn't come from us.

We've included some instructions within these tabs, but if you have further questions, please contact us at 8tracksbackup AT gmail DOT com and we'll do what we can to help.

If you are interested in submitting your 8tracks metadata and covers to the Internet Archive to be included in an 8tracks Fandom History Collection, please contact us at the email above by 12/31/2020.

If you'd like us to notify you when we've updated the workbook, or if you do not want your playlists included in our collection, you can fill out this Google Form: forms.gle/9Weh4RpKYnXFTrMQ6

Thank you for helping to save at-risk fanworks!”

So, do you need to re-run URLs you’ve already saved?

One of the main (and hardest to spot) issues in the original pre-New-Years macro was that JSON files (where the tracklists are) were coming out blank for playlists whose information included Unicode (pretty much anything not in the Roman alphabet; for example, Japanese lettering and Chinese characters).

EDITING TO ADD: I wrote the below struckthrough text before I’d used the new macro workbook, and I hadn’t yet realized that it has a sheet that quickly finds and re-runs the errored playlists in your 8tracks folder (and/or whichever other folders you point it at, if you’ve organized playlist files into multiple folders). It took me less than an hour to use it to fix all the errored playlists out of the over 6,000 total playlists I’d already run! So, my errored playlists from running the first macro are fixed, and if you have errored playlists from running the first macro, it should take just a few clicks and less than an hour’s running time to fix them. :)

So if you want to make sure that closer to all of the playlist URLs you ran through the macro have their tracklists saved, especially for tags/fandoms with many playlists with Unicode (for example, anime fandoms), you may want to re-run them with the new macro (which also has some convenient ways of finding the errored playlists).

However, don’t despair if you won’t have time to re-run URLs; having already saved a majority is much better than nothing having been saved! (If you don’t have time, you can also share your URLs with us at the email above in case someone has time to run them on the new macro, though please know that we may not have time to get to them. Please include a note that they were already run with a previous version—thanks!)

A note for folks who sent me, starfleetdoesntfirefirst, URLs to run: As I mentioned in another post, back in the days of the first macro I was able to get to some or all of what each person sent, but may not have time to get to all of what each person sent depending on when 8tracks shuts down. However, I almost definitely won’t have time to use the new macro to re-run Unicode-containing and other errored playlists I already ran. I’ll pass them along to the rest of this team, but given that none of us can guarantee we’ll get to them before 8tracks shuts down, if you feel strongly about making sure everything you sent to me gets re-run with the new macro, it may be worth pinging your Excel-having friends for aid. (I apologize for this; I didn’t anticipate things getting to this stage rather than a quick pre-New-Years effort!)

How to record & check (some of) which 8tracks tags have already had their playlists extracted

This Dreamwidth post is a place where you can comment to record which 8tracks tags, from any fandom (or nonfandom topic like “autumn”), you have extracted the URLs from, and check which 8tracks tags others have already extracted the URLs from, to avoid unnecessarily duplicating work. (You don’t need a Dreamwidth account to comment!) Not everyone who is extracting URLs is going to know about this post, so no guarantees of avoiding duplication, but it’s a start. :)

How to extract playlist URLs for use with the workbook

Instructions by @meeedeee adapted by me:

1) Do a tag search on 8tracks (or go to your own “liked” or “already listened” page if those are the playlists you want to save). Scroll to the very bottom of the page (so that all playlists have loaded and actually appeared on the page).

Note that if your tag has more than 1000 results, 8tracks will still only grab 1000.

2) Use a link-extracter plugin (like this one for Chrome) to extract all the links on the page.

3) Filter for links with the word “play” in them. This will pull up only the actual playlists. (There were 54 playlists tagged “Nyota Uhura,” and as you can see in the screencap, adding the filter “play” gives exactly 54 results.)

4) Copy into spreadsheet.

Note on Archive Team’s effort

Archive Team is also attempting to archive as many playlists as they can, by random number rather than by tag due to 8tracks’s 1000-playlist limit in tag search. These will probably be stored on the Internet Archive as WARC files, which means that it will be harder for non-power-users to access playlist info, thus our continuing this separate effort.

Per @meeedeee: As a result they dropped trying to archive by tags, instead they’re running 3.5 million random numbers in the hopes of grabbing what they can. On the back end of 8tracks, the playlist data is not stored by URL, or by tag, but by unique numeric identifier. Because of the volume that they have to run, the Archive Team will not be archiving the “look and feel” (user profile icons). Only basic metadata (playlist, user name, comments) and cover art. The meta data will be stored in a json format which looks like this and is not easily readable https://8tracks.com/mixes/3169100/tracks_for_international.jsonh

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bladekindeyewear · 6 years ago

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Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 7 - Meat Page 26

==>

Back on to Jade swimming into the singularity or something. (And trying to stop thinking that maybe Candy ends with a giant polyamorous relationship and/or orgy, because I don’t imagine Rose would have acted so tamely if that’s what she saw.)

Yes, Time is the complement of Space, that was already confirmed in comic if it wasn’t super incredibly obvious all along anyway.

Gah, I’m getting stomach cramps again.

Yeah, too much Space makes Time invisible and vice versa? Or...

Maybe Dave broke her heart a little, and he keeps doing it too, no matter how many different timelines they try out.

God damnit these CRAMPS. Reading further.

Like a garden, where Jade used to spend so much of her time with her hands in the earth and her head in the clouds, dreaming about flowers that bloomed in six colors and grew when she played them a song. Was that real? It’s hard to tell. But it made her happy, didn’t it?

FUCK are you going to start making me doubt the reality of the liFe we saw her living early in-comic????? Cut it out, it’s unsettling!

Alright, alt!Callie is taking the reins from Dirk on this narrative he so smugly thought he could completely consume. That’s good/bad.

slutty adult Jade

FUCKING YIKES!! FUCK YOU DIRK!

FUCK I DIDN’T NEED HER DEATH DESCRIBED IN SUCH DETAIL EITHER. Also alt!Callie’s really embodying Death here.

==>

Pff. Calliope’s writing the story now, in a sense, like she always kind of wanted.

Also pff, this version of her doesn’t know how to describe human stuff colorfully. :)

An adversarial dichotomy between your opposing goals, huh? This might end up as a “none of us can really write the ending” ending that DOES leave it up in the air for everyone else to decide instead.

Fuck, now you’re having THIS Jade suffer by proxy by experiencing the other Jade’s memories. This metatextual ascension’s happening to everyone isn’t it.

Yeah, she’s done it before and stuff--

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

FUCK.

my presence shall mitigate, if not altogether subdue, the corrosive effect on reality and the will of its occupants by those who would manipulate the way events are telegraphed for their own megalomaniacal objectives.

Well, fuck. Jade’s been temporarily hijacked for the rest of the story AGAIN, like back in Condesce days, this time as a plot device to keep Dirk from overreaching with his god powers and stepping over everyone’s wills like an Ultimate Riddle style villain. Dirk, I mean. Being the villain. And alt!Callie just doing what she has to to put this back on track. Man I HATE it when Jade’s will doesn’t get to be on full display. Her will is awesome. (Also, alt!Callie just tacitly confirmed that the will of reality’s occupants matters, if that wasn’t obvious already, so ha.)

despite his pretensions to a greater design, the prince of heart cannot be allowed to continue to exert unchecked control over the authoritative recitation of events on this side of my horizon. it cannot be overstated the extent to which he represents a threat to the continued existence of both this world and corporeal life itself.

Yeah, it was indeed looking that way earlier.

Ooh, alt!Callie is really spot-on with her pronoun use.

Alright, Dirk’s voice is shrinking away, and my stomach still feels half-clenched.

Wow, alt!Callie’s really mad at what Dirk’s been doing with this epilogue.

==>

“EPILOGUE FIVE”?????

Did I miss the titles for one, three, and four??? Yeah there were probably there and I just missed them or something.

Pfffff, John looks/smells like shit. :D

...too fresh??

Fuck you John for thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail isn’t a masterpiece. :P

terezi tips her head to one side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be an apt summation of her personality as well.

Niiiiice. Nice linguistic description of her “>:?” expression.

have no desire to interject thoughts into others’ minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind, however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts than i am willing to be.

Oh thank fucking god, I don’t have to question everyone’s thoughts anymore. Until Dirk comes back or something, I dunno.

Oh my fucking god, alt!Callie, you total voyeuristic nerd.

he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.

This is one very relatable snippet of text.

Feed Terezi Feed Terezi Feed Terezi

WHY is the gold tooth poisonous??????? ...Wait, Caliborn affixed it to his mouth intentionally. He had every right and motive to make it poisonous for no good reason. Ugh.

Beep beep, let’s find Vriska.

==>

WHAT

WHAT JANE

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

JESUS

Using Trickster Mode as a drug to further one’s political performance. That’s fucking horrifying. No wonder it was on the triggers list.

additionally, it prevents one from dwelling on any given personal problems, or the greater implications of any political statements one might make.

Pff, mhmm.

Problematic, huh? Jane seems like the slightly-old-fashioned sort of person who thinks it’s getting kind of ridiculously silly how much people are caring about stuff being “problematic”. And yet that stuff DOES matter, and ignoring it DOES hurt people, and she not only isn’t seeing that but is drugging herself to see it LESS with that goddamned lollipop. Holy shit.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

PFFF. Okay, so alt!Callie ISN’T above altering characters slightly from their narrative course when it comes to one of the few things she deems important. Heh.

Having “his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed”, huh? Does alt!Callie only mean the narrative, or maybe Rose too with whatever weird bullshit he did to her?

Uh, “while the seer both diminishes and ascends”??? D:

--Oh, oh shit. He was planning to NARRATIVE CONTROL Jake into going along with things. D: D:

Yeah, Jake would want to bang all the aliens, really.

Sendificator rifle, or something like that. Got it.

==>

How fucking long is this epilogue, anyway????? I mean, the length is appropriate from an objective point of view, I’m just frustrated because I’m going to have to spend every waking hour liveblog-reading it until I’ve reached the end or I’m likely to fucking explode, and I didn’t want this to be my entire day/weekend/existence again AAGH HOMESTUCK YOU BLACK HOLE

anyway yaay karkat in a suit.

Alluding to assassination attempts? What, is that red rifle going to try and fulfill that old “through the silver screen and straight into my heart” unused foreshadowing-herring from act six, or five, or whenever it was? Five, I believe.

Pff, super pacs, yeah. Dave’s nearly as political as me now or something. Except he actually acts on it here instead of just sitting around talking about it and thinking he’s right all the time, like me.

Wait, JANE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH with smearing Jake??!??? Holy shit she’s lost touch.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS! KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE! DAVE: yeah its awesome

Pfffff.

...yeah, Jake isn’t thinking of ANYTHING except Dirk right now, really.

Oh huh, Dirk HAS been as controlling of Jake as he used to be, now that alt!Callie’s pointing it out. Just with an even more insidious mechanism.

Oh cool, Karkat’s version of the policy pitch! :D :D :D Can’t wait can’t wait reading

(dont lie karkat you totally know shes hot)

Pff, stop making it seem obvious that Dirk wanted to assassinate Jake for political purposes. Heck, even if that WAS his plan it’d just be a temporary death that he’d resurrect from and then they’d try to turn it into... what, some media spin on how Karkat might have been responsible? Or a troll?? That latter part would make things MUCH more xenophobic. I’m starting to get seriously into the politics of this.

==>

Pff, now ‘rezi’s eating tobacco.

...okay, is Terezi REALLY going to go for a real conversation with just an honest ask for one? I don’t think so--

--aaand there she goes laughing, as expected. At least at first.

Yep, Terezi’s wearing the shoes. Nice date gift.

--And yep, Terezi remembers all that. She managed to do the nigh-metatextual mind merge with her other selves WITHOUT even needing God-Tier.

Yeah, Vriska always seemed fit to abandon the kismesis you deserved when it suited her, ‘rezi. :(

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF! TEREZI: OH D34R GOD JOHN: yeah!!!

Yeah I cackled out loud at that.

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S P3RF3CT 1SNT 1T? TEREZI: BUT NOT FOR YOU TEREZI: YOU DONT *F33L* 1T

john swallows a thick breath. he reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

Holy shit. John’s survivor’s guilt from all the doomed timelines he witnessed and escaped is keeping him from feeling their victory has been real, and making his “squandering” of it gut his self-esteem too. God damnit.

Roxy and John wouldn’t have worked out????? Hey Terezi, quit it! >:[ That’s not fair, just very plausibly and authoritatively dismissing a ship we’d hoped for offscreen like-- Oh, shit, she’s alluding to something that happened in the Candy side I haven’t read isn’t she. She would DEFINITELY have an idea of what happened on the other side of that Choice Split with her hero role. Fuck what am I in for

....pfff, that Callie vs Dirk bit. It’s like revenge against Doc Scratch, which it kind of IS, really.

I didn’t expect this much time to be spent dwelling on really intimate John/Terezi scenes. It’s really refreshing! Making this kind of meaningful no matter whether it’s black or inexplicably red they end up with or whatever, and equally meaningful if they don’t end up in any sort of relationship at all, really.

even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life.

Alt!Callie, are you causing this? I thought you wanted to be impartial.

Okay, THAT finally brought things suitably closer to the black side of romance like I would have expected.

==>

their finger hovers over dirks number for a moment, but... no. that would not be a good idea. they don’t know why they suddenly think it’s a bad idea. it just is.

Okay, THAT shred of influence is fair. You DID say you were going to countermand his influence, so yeah.

Good excuse to get narration of her thoughts, if flimsy. :)

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare.

Pfffff. Fuck you, Dirk. ;)

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

FUCK you’re going to kill JADE aren’t you???? You’re giving Jade a TEMPORARY DEATH just to deny alt!Callie’s proxy?!?? That’s fucking insidious! Fuck you, Dirk!!! That one wasn’t a loveable joke this time, that was an ACTUAL fuck you. This epilogue is really good at making him out to be the villain now that his powers have expanded to the narrative.

Reading reading reading...

...Huh. Is Roxy talking about coming out as non-binary and getting advice on it? Hm!

Alright, and she’s defs a little gay for Callie from what she’s saying if it wasn’t clear before. If “gay” even has any relevance when you’re talking about a pair of non-binary... yeah whatever. :)

Alright, time to hear Dave talk about it all some more I guess.

--Yep, he’s only mostly gay. Called it. There’s a whole spectrum.

...and yeah, I mean... why NOT let it go beyond quadrants with Karkat and never slap an official label on it? You’re just two people who love each other and want to spend time together in any capacity, be it positive or negative. It doesn’t have to result in anything formal unless you want it to, much less boning down or something. Dirk, stop getting creepy with how hard you’re shipping them, that’s the fanbase’s job.

Jade and Roxy are visible from this location, right? Wasn’t it mentioned that they live in a tower in Carapaceville or whatever? Has Dirk successfully conned alt!Callie into having her vessel shot through? Probably.

the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

Eewwwwweweewww

Anyway yeah here comes the plot twist or whatever...

Yeah, Callie gets it wrong, and--

......ah, a tranq? That makes more sense and is more than slightly less evil, if still ultimately evil given his eventual presumed goals or whatever.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

FUCK YOU

Oh, Jade’s going to be asleep for the rest of the story? AGAIN?!???? FUCK YOU SO MUCH, DIRK.

Jesus christ. How long is this epilogue anyway.

Taken your leave? From this planet??? What the fuck, are you--

Oh. Oh shit.

When Dirk ascended into absorbing the memories of all his various split selves, did he get a heaping helping of DOC SCRATCH in there too??? Was Doc Scratch’s ambition actually for POST-victory ascension in this very manner? FUCK. Either way, him sharing some of those memories puts a pretty unique spin on his descent into goddamn evil, here.

Reading on... oh shit, did Callie write the candy half??

==>

Huh, postcoital; we actually went there. Cool.

Ah, she gives up on Vriska? Better find Vriska really fast, then.

Oh, you’re really going? Or, trying, anyway.

==>

Really committed to this whole ascending to literal godhood schtick, aren’t you, Dirk?

(Hm. Makes me almost think that this situation with Rose is going to end up with someone splitting her essence entirely in two to save her; her raw Seer-ness getting forced into a convenient vessel (cueball, wonk wonk) and herself returning to consciousness a slight bit more mortal than she was before, ie not going completely insane. Hmm.)

Oh, “Vast Fuck” sorta-maybe-confirmed..??

Stop tacitly insulting Jake as you puppet him, Dirk. He’s a dumbass but not THAT much of a dumbass.

beta-bitch

FUCK YOU, DIRK.

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart.

Fuuuuuuck you.

could subsume your entire personality

Shit, he IS trying to pretty much consume them all. Swallow their individuality and take total control of all their actions. All Prince of Heart on the whole world. Dirk you need to fucking DIE.

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

There isn’t a Fuck You large or loud enough to what I feel about the mental violation Dirk is inflicting on Jake right now, and everyone else around him, and I sincerely and selfishly hope this epilogue is almost over because I don’t want too many pages to stand between this one and seeing Dirk fucking PAY.

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

Let’s hope that in your hubris your looking away managed to let him say something different or some such.

==>

You try to remember if you’ve ever been revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has happened. Maybe?

Yeah, I don’t recall either really.

The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Okay, fuck? How the hell? Is this just because Dirk says it is, or???

I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

Yeah, Dirk’s first fucking rant when he took over the narrative officially was about John being a you-insert nobody average guy, and the DISDAIN he shows to everything about who John is is pretty goddamn insulting. He has NO concept of how John managed to bring everyone together or... UGH!

even though you knew both then and now that it was the only choice you possibly could have made.

Dammit, so it probably WASN’T a full timeline-bisecting Mind split. Just a side branch that wasn’t as likely, because just like with his Denizen, John’s will was tilted toward this part of the choice. D:

I see how some of this seems to be going, or at least think I do... Dirk thinks that John needs to die heroically “for the good of the story”, and something’s potentially going to come in and say “no”? That the whole reason they WON was to essentially be free of that cruel logic once and for all, and that Dirk is gonna get one hell of a smackdown for trying futilely to enforce it in their new post-victory domain??

She listens to him bleed while she smells him die.

--That, and fulfilling bits of foreshadowing for shits and giggles. >:(

Huh, “friable”, didn’t even know that was a word. Just looked it up; you learn something new every day.

Okay what is Dirk planning with the fucking body.

==>

Jane swept the election, of course. I told you I was going to win. After Jake’s incoherent and scandalous heel-turn at Karkat’s ill-fated rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvaged the Vantas campaign.

Ah, but is that what REALLY happened, or what you’re saying happened, about to be overwritten?

Mainly that their BFF Jade has been in a coma for an entire month. They’ve been in and out of the hospital handling her affairs. Her next of kin is listed as John Egbert, and no one’s seen him in ages. It’s like he just disappeared suddenly. Like some great hand came out of the sky and crossed his name off the big list of guys we ever need to give a shit about anymore.

F U C K Y O U

Roxy, after all, and since her big heart-to-heart about the personal politics of queer onion metaphors, and ten stages of galaxy-braining through the many vicissitudes of the phrase “no homo,” Roxy has decided to really step up her gender experimentation. I guess at this point she’s gone beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reaching Super Saiyan 2 of gender, and then going even further beyond.

Holy crap, she’s going full Dave Lalonde. That’s pretty sweet.

...Isn’t Terezi like obviously covered in blood and stuff?

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

Oh my fucking GOD real!Callie please save the plot. Nuke this self-indulgent Dirkshit.

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

...This is an allusion to the Candy side I haven’t read, isn’t it? Maybe THAT’s part of what she supplants this bullshit with. Or since it mentions “various combinations”, she’s restoring the possibility to everything that the ending was supposed to have?

This is potentially a real fucking indictment of the idea of a narrative-driven ending when what actually mattered was the characters’ escape from said narrative. :)

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

Okay fuck maybe Callie ISN’T helping. Maybe she’s just so worried about the alternate history she could have lead that she’s retreating into every Candy-like fanfic she can think of. :(

What’s with the phone buzz? The intervention we’ve been hoping for, since Dirk’s making her ignore it?

Oh cool, figures Terezi’s been hearing the narrative all along and just politely not acknowledging the fact that she hears it! Maybe SHE’LL help unfuck this mess. (And according to her, Roxy’s gone full “him” too!)

Fuck fuck fuck Terezi don’t listen to him go against his bullshit instead

Where, canon? Is that where you’re planning to escape back to or some such, with yourself as the author? Is that orange Andrew actually you or some BS?

Dammit.

==>

FUCK, “new body”????

The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

FUCK FUCK FUCK it IS the cueball isn’t it. Holy shit. That’s even worse than a robot. FZUCZK

Okay calm down. The Rose part of Rose can be cut away and rescued from this fate somehow, if she isn’t just whole-hog rescued entirely which would also be good. FUCK DIRK

...look purple? What?

DIRK: What’s happening here is the best thing for everybody.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. This shit had better be undone soon.

To finally face the truth. If Rose has been spending more time with me than you, if she’s realizing she resonates more with me due to our natural similarities and finds my presence more rewarding than yours, then what does that say about YOU, Kanaya?

PFFFF. YOU’RE GONNA BREAK UP THE PAIRING JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL HER? HAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

Okay, after THAT page’s last bit of horrid manipulation, this can’t end in any way that doesn’t involve ages of existential and literal torment for Dirk, forever.

==>

Epilogue Seven, huh. One last thing he wants to take care of before getting out of dodge, huh. I see Karkat and Dave’s text colors on screen. Is he going to try to force them to finally bone down or confess? This would be the perfect place for his plan to get fucking stopped.

Homestuck, stop making my fucking stomach clench so hard.

That’s a hell of a disaster Dirk thought up for these guys on that stage.

Part of this whole shitshow might be to tell us that this ending, this “fanfic” of dubious authenticity of an epilogue that Dirk is giving us is how DIRK believes it would end best for everyone involved, but not how everyone else would, ignoring their wills... while also discarding the idea of the epilogue that any individual reader of Homestuck would want in favor of the possibilities he meant to leave open with the ending.

Alright, here comes Dirk NOT forcing them to bone down but rather trying to persuade-brainwash them into a relationship talk.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

Dave. Please.

Hey, the Gurren Lagaan reference went WAY too long unsaid. Even if Andrew literally didn’t know a thing about said anime when he made the character designs.

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

DAVE: oh DAVE: same

I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time.

BAAHAHAHAAHHhahahha FUCK YOU Dirk.

I mean, I want Dave and Karkat together as much as the next guy but FUUUUUUUCK YOU DIRK!!! I want everything you ever wanted to go wrong and shit on you. Their equivocating soft-nearly-mance is strong enough to go even against you, who thinks yourself the narrative fucking Sun.

Oh this is fantastic

I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this.

YES KEEP FALLING APART

You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.

Nice callback to... what was it, Dave’s first rant at Tavros to troll him back or whatever?

radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

Yep, DEFINITELY a callback to that. I’ll never forget the sick flow of that metaphor.

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

SAVE US DAVE

Dammit, near miss.

The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life.

Pfff

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

yaaaaaayyy

I mean we didn’t save the whole story yet but at least Dirk got fucked over and we still get Davekat intimacy.

That’s pretty classy actually, not getting into detail and just sounding blown the fuck away by it even though he’s Dirk. That’s pretty good.

==>

Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it.

Oh so it IS a robot body. Well, fuck you a little less than it potentially being the magic cueball, but STILL fuck you.

I may have already mentioned, but I’m a bit too deft at this for my own good. Doing the thing where I tug at the part of someone’s latent thought process that already knows they adore me. That if someone would just pull the stops from their sense of inhibition, they’d realize they would do anything for me.

It’s called killing their soul with your role abilities you ASSHOLE

I hope this crush you filled him with bites you in the fucking ass now that he’s here.

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

Oh, so you’re just going to drop the truth on him like that? Let’s see how that works out for you, asshole.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

Oh fuck you. This is “best for everyone”, huh?????

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know. DIRK: Her candy boy? JAKE: CANDY BOY??? DIRK: Yeah. Being on call. DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such. DIRK: To provide her with many heirs. DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool? JAKE: HEIRS??

Um. What the fuck? Is this even Dirk anymore? It’s not Condesce intervention, I’m not going to try and suspect that just from the callback or anythiiiii-----

Fuck, we DID just get an alive Meenah dropped into a universe somewhere.

Maybe this IS Condesce intervention. Just a different Condesce. o_O

Two ticks longer than he ever deserved.

Gah???

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

So this was all just revenge for dumping him??????????????

==>

Guh, back to Kanaya-- wait, why does Dirk want Terezi around, anyway?

Jade wakes up and then-- Okay. Okay my eyes flitted down to the green halfway down the page and I saw this phrase before I actually got to it.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Thank FUCK.

Anyway reading the in-between...

The scope of her awareness, she now understands, is truly staggering. Memories are suddenly accessible that are almost impossible to believe. Some of them are unspeakably marvelous to her. Others, deeply disturbing.

FUCKING COOL she got Ultimate-Selved! Now she knows too much about what’s going on to stop her! Get fucked, Dirk!!!!

No, more than just disturbing. She lingers in the dark recesses of her consciousness. There were things she saw, things she was told... Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

YEAAAAAHHH JADE GET ANGRY

This had better not be Dirk intentionally riling her up since he still has control of the narrative though.

Next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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eimagines · 7 years ago

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what are you afraid of? // kai anderson

pairing: kai anderson x reader genres: smut summary: you decide to spend the day at the anderson’s to watch the final presidential debate. when kai flips out and ends up getting voilent with one of winter’s other friends, and you have no way home, you spend a little time with the blue haired male instead. warnings: i mean... unprotected smut? dirty talk because I imagine kai to be a talker. also mentions of sexual harassment. word count: 4600

“Are you sure it’s okay to come around? I don’t want to intrude if you’re with other friends.” You spoke to Winter through the phone that was balanced between your face and shoulder as you fiddled with the keys to your beat up old rustic car, attempting desperately to keep hold of the bottle of wine you’d just bought.

“Of course it’s fine! You can’t come all the way out here and not come see me, I miss you!” Winter complained. “Fine, fine! Text me your address and I’ll be over soon!” “Bring wine!” Winter laughed. “Already on it.” You smirked. After you turned on the car ignition and input Winter’s address into your phone, you started on your short lived journey to the Anderson’s, smiling as you reminisced the first time you and Winter had spoken.

During the first week of your first semester at college, you’d secured yourself a job in a local bakery, and was tasked with the job of handing out promotional leaflets around campus. After successfully giving out only around ten flyers, a group of students decided it would be great fun to smack the pile of papers out of your hands, sending them flying across the ground. The wind carried them off all over the place as they shared laughter. The only person who stopped to help you as you got onto the cold concrete floor to collect the few remaining flyers was Winter.

She bought you a coffee after that, and convinced you to skip work the next day to join her for wine and pizza; you didn't turn it down. You were fired a week later, but it was all worth it. Winter had become one of your best friends at college and since you were around her current area and knew just how into the election she was, you thought it could be fun to hang out for a while.

After your car came to a bumpy halt along the sidewalk of the Anderson household, you grabbed the wine and made your way towards the front door; the lawn sporting both right and left wing flags making you slightly more interested in the politics battle currently going on inside.

You only had to knock twice before Winter answered, swooping you up into a hug.

“Thank god you’re here, the debate is just about to start.” Winter explained as she led you down into what you could only assume was the basement.

Truthfully, you weren't all that interested in politics, and, although you knew who you were putting your vote in for, you really only came along to support Winter as you were very familiar with how seriously she took this election.

Once you��d been completely enveloped in the darkness of the basement Winter introduced you to her two friends who were happily nestled on the large couch, and her brother, Kai, who was typing away furiously at his keyboard.

Winter had mentioned her brother a couple of times but you’d never pictured him to look the way he did. Blue hair long in front of his deep almost black eyes. He looked strong and broad and his facial structure looked very shard and pristine despite having only the light from his laptop shining up from underneath his chin. Truth be told, Kai Anderson was hot.

Kai had watched you as you walked down the stairs to the basement, his eyes tracing every inch of your body from tip toe to thigh to waist to face. He’d not recognised you, and so he was immediately interested, not really acting as though he was paying much attention to the things you said or the way you said them, but in actuality, only focussing on them as his eyes bore holes into his computer screen.

The debate hadn’t long started and the group of girls were in fits of giggles as Trump spewed out more and more word junk. You stayed silent, choosing to do so as you felt slightly out of place and uninformed on the subject as a whole. You were actually paying a lot more attention to the blue haired man sitting in the chair across the room.

“I wonder if this is how black people felt when Obama became president.” Winter said meaningfully, to which you held back a snicker at the ridiculousness of the statement. Kai could almost feel you hold back a laugh as he slyly peered over into the conversation.

“I think Hilary is even more important that Obama.” One of Winter’s friends stated. You held back your eye-roll as her droned out voice attacked your ears. She continued to go on about Women’s rights as you stood up and walked across the room to pour yourself some wine, standing at the table Kai was so persistently typing away at.

Kai watched you saunter over from the corner of his eye, watching the way your hips moved and hands fell delicately at your sides. The girls broke out into laughter as the two candidates threw insults back and forth and you could almost feel the annoyance radiating off of Kai.

Winter began to speak as you finally unscrewed your wine and poured yourself a glass, “This is going to be the biggest loss in electoral history.”

“Wanna bet?” Kai finally spoke challengingly, his eyes not leaving his laptop screen and his deep slightly raspy voice adding to the cold mysterious shroud he had himself wrapped in.

“I’ll bet!” Winter’s short haired friend spoke up, amused, “If Trump wins you can fuck all four of us!”

You slightly choked on the wine you were sipping at as Winter protested in disgust.

“It’s never gunna happen.”

“You guys don’t get it. Precious Obummer has shielded you from whats really going on out there.” Kai had stopped typing.

“Right. Economic anxiety, aka, racism.” Winter replied.

“People hate her,” Kai started, “She’s weak. Remember what happened a few weeks ago at the 9/11 memorial ceremony? She had to be carried to her car. Everyone knows its early on-set Parkinson's.”

Winter rolled her eyes as Kai continued, “They hate the sound of her voice, they hate the fact she cant satisfy her husband.” This caused you to hold back a laugh to which you earned a rather nasty glare from Winter’s friends. “The world isn't this progressive happy place you think it is, okay? People tolerated the black guy but nobody wants a women president. Not even other women.”

“Who told you that? Your 4chan pepe frog fucking buddies?” Again you held back a laugh, taking a seat in your original spot to watch whatever sort of argument was currently commencing.

Kai and Riley continued to argue over the ‘passion of the angry white man’ until Kai slammed his hands onto the table, standing up and delivering a very angry rant on voting for Trump.

“It is all about shame and humiliation for you assholes,” Riley got into Kai’s face, your heart began to race as you could clearly see Kai’s anger bubbling up from within him, “Y’know we should start some sort of government programme to get you all laid so you’ll shut up.”

Kai’s eyebrows started to knit together, his rage towering over him and you could almost see it. You stayed quiet, out the picture, sipping your wine, you weren’t involved in this and you didn't need to be.

“Y’know you probably wouldn't even need to get fucked, just some pretty girl, smiling at you, telling you how important you are. Have you ever noticed how all the alt-righters are young men? And non of them have girlfriends?”

“Isn’t that enough now? I think you both made your points, Riley.” You interrupted, not to defend Kai just to maybe help calm down the very intense situation.

Riley didn’t listen, only sending you a snarl over the laughter as she continued, “Hey Winter, uh, get me some lotion I’m gunna give your brother a handy so-”

Kai hand came hurtling down against Riley’s face so fast you almost felt it yourself, like a loud crack of a gunshot through thick crisp air. The silence that followed was astounding and you wished you’d have just left before this debate even happened. Kai instantly regretted his violent outburst as he attempted to correct his mistake, fawning over Riley only to be threatened with charges and receiving a harsh word from Winter.

The three girls left to what you assumed was to take Riley home, leaving you alone with Kai, who was clearly distressed and regretful.

“You like wine?” You asked, attempting to break the uncomfortable silence, standing up and walking over to the table to the opened bottle and glasses. Kai looked at you confused as you sat next to him on the couch, passing him a glass, “Here. Have this.”

“You’re not gunna run off or scream at me?” Kai asked, confusion etched on his face.

“I mean, I think she was being a bitch, unrightfully, but you maybe could have handled it a bit better.” You said, a small smile creeping onto your face, “I’m [Y/N] by the way.”

Kai stayed silent as he gulped down his wine and you attempted to search for your car keys. After a good solid five minutes of searching, worry started to set in as your keys were still lost, undetectable within your rubbish bin of a handbag.

“Looking for something?” Kai asked, his interest still peaked at this stranger fumbling around his room, unfased by his violent outburst.

You sighed, “My keys, I don’t know where I’ve put them.”

“You drive here?” He asked.

“Yeah. If I can’t find my keys I don’t know how I’m getting home. Plus my roommates are all away right now so I’m living alone.” You ran your fingers through your hair and over your face in slight despair.

“You could always stay here. I mean, the house is big enough and I’m sure Winter will be back soon.” Kai stood up from the couch to retake his position on the rounded coffee table in front of his computer, closing the lid over and adverting his attention to you.

You looked at him as you stood across the room, tossing your bag back onto the couch, finally giving up on your endless key search.

“Only if that’s okay with you and Winter? I don’t want to intrude or overstay my welcome or anything.”

“You aren't overstaying your welcome at all. You're always welcome. And I’m fine with you staying, you don’t need Winter’s permission.” Kai explained, giving you a smile, “Come sit with me.”

You didn't even question his command, just thankful you’d have a place to stay for the night, and followed his words. You sat facing him on the rounded dimly lit coffee table. He leaned forward, his elbow on the table.

“I wanna try something,” Kai said outstretching his pinky towards you, “You in?”

After hesitating and not fully understanding what you’re supposed to do or what Kai even wanted, he explained, “When me and Winter were kids, we’d link pinkies. Once that small physical contact had been initiated we’d speak with nothing but honesty.”

You gave Kai a look of confusion as he willed you into linking pinkies, “What are you afraid of?”

“Not you or your pinky thats for sure.” You smirk, linking your smaller pinky finger with his. He smiled at this. He wanted to know you. He wanted to know your darkest secret, your fears, your hobbies, you enemies and your friends. He wanted to know what made you, you.

“Complete and utter truth from here on out.” Kai said with a devious smile on his face, “What are you afraid of?”

You paused to think on the question for a moment. “I don’t like bugs, but thats a dumb answer. If I’m afraid of anything, I’m afraid of myself.”

Kai seemed pleased with your answer and pressed further, “Why yourself?”

You sighed, “Why do you wanna know?”

“Just answer the question.” Kai demanded with a look of disapproval. You realised quickly that Kai did not like to be challenged. It made you uneasy and Kai could see it.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“No. I’m afraid of myself I told you already.”

“So explain.”

You bit your lip, “I often find myself in situations that are dark or dangerous and the only reason for it is because I think chaos is sort of fun. I’m attracted to things I shouldn’t be attracted to. I’m scared that one day I’m going to take it too far, end up hurting something or someone.”

Kai smiled evilly and you knew that right now you’d done exactly the thing you’d admitted to being afraid of; gotten yourself into a dark situation with somebody who clearly wasn’t right in the head, yet, you found it thrilling.

“Like, murder?”

“Who knows, maybe. I just don’t see myself taking a liking to becoming dark and dangerous myself.”

“Why wouldn’t you like you?” Kai pressed further, “If you’re so attracted to the thought of things that aren't looked at in society as acceptable, why wouldn’t you want a piece of it for yourself?”

You knew Kai was the manipulative type. It was almost as if he was trying to get you to break, trying to turn you into the monster you were afraid of becoming. “Why would you be afraid of becoming something you find so appealing?” You kept telling yourself ‘because its not right’ but something in Kai’s dark eyes and smirk told you otherwise.

“What was your most embarrassing moment?” Kai asked, changing the subject before you could think on challenging him more.

“There’s plenty to chose from,” You sighed, “I guess the most embarrassing was in high-school. I’d been seeing this guy for a while. We’d gone to his house to ‘study’ and I’d fallen asleep. Whilst I was asleep he’d taken photos of me, photos that weren’t necessarily the most PG.”

“Asshole.” Kai commented as he listened to you intently.

“He sent them to all of his friends. And then they sent them to everyone else.”

“How did it feel?”

“It felt like everyone in the whole world was laughing at me. I was heartbroken. I was humiliated. It felt like I was all alone in this shitty shitty world.”

“Do you want them dead?”

You hesitated, looking towards the coffee table and letting out a sigh, “In the moment, I thought about it, but right now I don’t.”

“Why not? Who are they to humiliate you and expect no justice?”

“Who am I to decide who gets to live and who doesn’t? Granted, they’re shitty people and I hope shitty things happen to them, but I don’t want that on my shoulders. Why would I want to become as bad as those who hurt me?” Kai simply only became more and more interested in you as you continued, watching every word pour out your mouth intently.

“Who do you want to win the presidential election?” Kai asked, changing the subject once again as he had received all the information he needed in your direct honest answers. Kai was slowly starting to feel as if he understood your personality.

“I’m voting Hilary, but I like Trump, in a weird way. I think he’s great at making the public angry. Do you know how much good shit has came from that?” Kai shook his head as he listened, “Did you know, since Trump has been forced into the public eye activism is motivating the masses? Pussy hats, protest signs, and weekend marches are the new normal and the arts and crafts industry is killing it! Planned parenthood has never seen so many donations. The women’s health nonprofit has been on the bubble of Congressional cuts for years, but public fury over the restrictive efforts by Trump and Mike Pence resulted in 400,000 private donations.” You ranted after having to stay so quiet around the girls earlier, finally allowing you to get everything off your chest. Kai stayed quiet, soaking in your words like a sponge to water, “Y’know people are realising affordable health care is a human right and not a wealthy privilege. Women are pursuing political office in record numbers and SNL has so much new good content. In a way, I think this country needed an asshole like Trump to scare them into getting shit done.”

“You speak with such power and passion.” Kai started, his voice quiet as he leaned forward a little more, “It’s inspiring.”

Kai knew you were smart, respectful and unpredictable. He could see you were wrathful, powerful, ambitious and knowing. He knew you would make a great alias, a great partner. Someone worth having around. He thought the way you spoke honestly was beautiful, as if he had finally found someone who could almost be his equal despite difference in views. He wanted to tap into that dark place in your mind, fully unleash you. He liked you. A lot.

Kai continued to question you from trivial things like family and studies to questions like “What is the most intense physical pain you’ve ever been in?” forcing you to delve into dark parts of your past you hadn’t thought of ever sharing with your closest friend, let alone a complete stranger. You realised Kai was manipulative from the first time Winter had spoken about him, but it wasn’t until you’d linked pinkies with the man you had understood just how deeply charming Kai could be to get information or get you to trust him completely.

Within such a short amount of time, Kai had managed to break down any wall you had put up around yourself and your life. He already had you wrapped up in his world; trapped in the palm of his hand and he was ready to play you like a doll and use you up and yet you were fully willing. The thrill of chaos had always been there for you and when you looked at Kai you saw a hurt man. A man who was completely enveloped in darkness and for some unbeknownst reason that darkness made you weak at the knees.

Kai wanted to ask what you thought of him, whether you trusted him or not, whether you liked him or not. He decided against this, feeling he often made every situation about himself and he certainly was not going to make this one about him. He wanted to know you. All of you.

“Are you a virgin?” Kai asked out of the blue, causing you to snicker. You shook your head, “Use your words.”

“Why?” You asked.

“Because. Your words own more power and meaning than simply gestures alone, and your voice is filled with power and beauty.”

“Fine,” You smiled, “No, I’m not a virgin. Happy?”

“I mean, I guess.” Kai laughed quietly. “Did it hurt?”

“No.” You answered immediately.

“How many guys have you been with?” Kai asked immediately back.

“Three.”

“Same time?”

“No.”

“Ever done anal?”

“No.”

“What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try during sex?”

“I mean, I guess it’s always on a bed and beds are kinda boring. Too soft. Always the same. Theres not an infinite amount of things you can do on a bed.”

“You’d be surprised, maybe you’ve just been with the wrong guys.”

Silence had all too quickly invaded the room, a feeling of uncertainty washed over you as you finally spoke up, looking at Kai’s face intently, “Why are you asking me all of this Kai?”

Kai’s pinky tightened slightly as your [Y/E/C] eyes challenged his own, his dark rings clouding with lust as he traced his gaze over your lips. The image of your legs and thighs walking down the stairs to the basement earlier played on his mind, his thoughts wondering to how soft your skin would feel on his, a tent growing in his pants hidden by the coffee table.

“I just want to know you.” Kai let go of your pinky and stood up from his chair, “All of you.”

You weren't stood up too, afraid you’d said something wrong and now weren't welcome, but before you could speak up you were surprisingly met with Kai’s large hands grabbing at your face and pulling you in towards his own as he backed your body up against the round coffee table. His lips latched onto yours delicately, something you would not have expected from Kai. His hands ran through your hair, one staying at the back of your neck and the other positioned on your waist as your hands found their way into his blue mop of hair. You kissed him back desperately, the closeness of his body against yours as he forced his tongue into your mouth causing you to moan slightly, the kiss deepening and the tent in his pants rubbing against you.

Kai broke the kiss, your foreheads pressed against one another as his eyes intensely looked into yours. His hands found their way to your thighs, gripping onto them as he commanded you to jump. You did as you were told, Kai lifting you onto the coffee table, his body positioned between your legs as he started to place kisses along your neck.

“You’re so much more than those stupid bitches.” He sucked a deep purple spot on your neck, you throwing your head back at the feeling, his bulge still rubbing against you teasingly, “More beautiful. More ambitious. More smart. More brave. More powerful.” He continued to kiss and suck and bite at your neck in between every compliment, “Do you have any idea how hot that is?”

Kai’s hands found their way underneath your shirt, lifting it off of you with ease and discarding it to the floor. His came off too and you ran your hand over his chest in awe. Not long after your bare skin beneath was exposed to the air was he pushing you down, your back against the table, the cold hard wood beneath making you shiver. Kai’s lips explored every section of skin they could leaving small purple bruises in their wake. The feel of his skin on yours elesiting another moan from your lips.

“I could listen to you moan all day.” Kai continued, closing his eyes in sheer bliss at your sounds, leaning up straight and stopping his path of love bites to fumble with your jean buttons, “as soon as I saw you walk down those stairs I wanted to take these off, bend you over and fuck you.” Kai admitted as you lifted your ass off the table, allowing him to pull off your jeans agonisingly slowly.

“God, you look so good like this baby,” He spoke again, his eyes raking across your whole body as he unbuckled his belt and left his pants to fall to his ankles, his erection large and visibly throbbing through his underwear causing you to wriggle in anticipation. You attempted to create some friction by rubbing your thighs together but Kai only laughed at your neediness, spreading you thighs apart forcefully and trapping you underneath him; your legs either side of his waist, his arms either side of your head, his eyes staring deeply into yours. At this point you were desperate for any kind of friction or stimulation or touch and Kai loved seeing you so weak for him.

“Shhh, I’m going to give you exactly what you want,” Kai cooed, moving one of his hands down towards your south, the part of you that needed attention, delicately grazing his finger over your clothed warmth causing you to mewl. “What kind of man would I be if, after everything you just shared with me, I couldn’t give you anything back?” Kai pulled your underwear to the side, slipping a finger inside of you with ease, proud of how wet you were already, your back arching off of the hard table as he watched your face contort in pleasure.

“I’m going to give everything you want.” Kai whispered, pressing his lips to yours, sucking at your bottom lip and adding a second finger into you, coaxing another sweet moan from your mouth. “Tell me what you want. Use your words.”

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t say a word, your head rolling back in pleasure as Kai used his thumb to rub circles on your clit. Kai used his free hand to grab at your chin roughly.

“Look at me and tell me what you want.” Kai demanded, his dominant voice going straight to your core.

“I want you.” You said shakily, your eyes now watching him play with you.

“What do you want?” Kai repeated again, removing his fingers from you and standing up fully, palming his member and removing it from its confinements. It stood fully erect; hard with pre-cum spilling from the head.

“Fuck me. I want you to fuck me.” You replied pathetically, your cheeks heating up slightly at the words that tumbled from your desperate mouth.

Kai grabbed at your already spread thighs, dragging your whole body closer to the edge of the table. He lined his length up with you, not letting you prepare at all before he slammed his full length into you. You both moaned loudly at the much needed connection.

“Fuck,” Kai bit his lip as he pulled out and slammed back into you again, “You’re so tight, God, you feel amazing!”

Kai’s thrusts started out slow, but they were hard and deep. His hands grabbed at your waist harshly as his pace built up, his thrusts becoming faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin, moans and cusses filled the room, his thumbs digging into your skin hard enough to leave bruises.

The mere sight of sweat dripping off Kai, his long hair stuck to his forehead as he pounded into you over and over again had you a moaning mess. You sat up on your elbows to get a better look at him, the change in position angling his thrusts all the more deeper into you, both of you throwing your heads back in pleasure.

Kai could feel you tightening around his length, the ball of pleasure within you building up quickly. “Does it feel good to have me fucking you, huh? Pounding you into this table? Fuck,” Kai attempted to help send you over the edge, leaning closer to you, chests pressed together as he started kissing and biting at your neck, desperate to be closer to one another and whispering into your ear, “God you feel so good around my cock.”

Your moans continued to increase in pitch and volume. Kai reached down to stimulate your clit, rubbing in fast circles whilst still slamming his entire length into you hard, “Cum for me [Y/N]!”

You screamed out Kai’s name as his deep demanding voice and groans, the feel of him completely controlling your body, and sounds of a hard fuck sent you over the edge, coming undone with your fingers pulling at his hair and tears brimming in your eyes as he fucked you through your orgasm. The sound of his name tumbling out of your lips, the feeling of your walls convulsing against his throbbing length, the look on your face as your orgasm washed over you sent him into complete ecstasy, releasing inside of you and grabbing your hips hard, grinding his hips into yours as he rode out his own high. He groaned your name over and over until he finally pulled out, letting his head lol against your shoulder, your legs still wrapped around him and his arms finding there way around your waist tightly, both of you attempting to get your breath back.

You opened your mouth to speak, but instead, Winter’s voice boomed from upstairs, “Couldn’t you two have fucked in a bedroom at least?”

“Nah, beds are boring.” Kai called back.

A/N: I am British and know very little about the Presidential election so please forgive if I don’t make any sense, I got all my info online! Also if the cult timeline doesn't make sense as I don’t know whether this was before the cult started please forgive! First time writing smut lmao, feedback would be appreciated! I’m also open to requests!

#kai anderson #ahs #kai anderson x reader #evan peters #evan peters imagine #kai anderson imagine #kai x reader #kai imagine #kai ahs #evan x reader #evan imagine #ahs cult #cult #smut #kai anderson smut #kai smut

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makingnewenemies · 6 years ago

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Hi Hi Hi. Here is a little blurb I wrote off the top of my head about all my friends on this year’s Group Picture Vol. 8. I love them all. I love their songs. And I love that we still keep up this stupid tradition; and somehow the comp keeps getting better and better. Thanks everyone! Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays :) - walt

Sour Guy - All Those Plans Were Wrong

Last summer Kris Schobert (Sour Guy, Walter Etc. / Mitty core member, Ernie…) was admitted to the hospital… and then again… and then again…. I think he spent like a month total in the hospital. It was not chill. But when he got out, the whole experience gave him a bit of clarity and new perspective on his life and the decisions he has made thus far. I won’t speak any further for him, but Kris… hey, nice song! And your quality home recording production and continuation of the WMAHMO slop sound doesn’t not go unnoticed! This song made me tear up in a coffee shop the first time I heard it.

Slaughter Beach, Dog - Big Band

Slaughter Beach, Dog are randomly GP staples by now but also one of my favorite bands and greatest friends. This song is a bit of a sound change for them, swapping mid tempo soft rock John K Sampson vibes for a theatrical late 60’s / 70’s sound that is a bit more light hearted than normal and I LOVE IT. It’s catchy, it makes me laugh, yet its so true. Glad to have these boys back this year.

Teal & Jer - Alphabet

Portland’s dreamiest duo Teal & Jer (Chain, Riled, Loose, lots of projects) bring a quirky alt edge to our otherwise bland and boring comp. Without them, we’d just be us. I personally would like to hear more Teal solo work??? Teal???

Milk Flud - Rodeo

If you don’t fuck with Milk Flud then you can get out.

Chase Hoyt - Health

Chase Hoyt (Ubu Roi, Feed, Chaz and the Minions of Chaz, The Rodeo…) is a GP fixture by now, and important asset to MNE because it’s his classic rock sensibilities that balance out the overload of folk / indie rock that we swim in. This song not only has a comically true message (health is the most important, i agree Chase) but the vibe, especially the chorus, has my head bobbing and me feeling like I’m on a grassy hillside at an outdoor concert in the 70’s, but also one glass of wine deep making homemade pizzas at an Air BNB with a girl I love, and that is a nice combo of feelings. “Let’s wrap it up / I’ve embarrassed us all enough”

Dry Goods - Learnt Nothing

You hear that flawless acoustic finger picking? That masculine story telling voice that sounds somewhere between a suburban Bob Dylan and a cowboy singing to the emptiness of the high desert? Yup, its Russell Park AKA Dry Goods and FKA Weston Bookhouse coming at us with another folk masterpiece, but this year adding in some new elements we aren’t quite used to- namely some cruisey guitar solos! Rumor has it Dry Goods is in the studio recording a new album right now and I would not be bummed out if this song were on it.

Byronius Punk - Beautiful Things

I just spent 3 weeks with Byronius Punk (Ian Farmer of Slaugher Beach, Dog / Modern Baseball) at his studio The Metal Shop in Philadelphia making a record with his beautiful mind and his new drum machine- so this song really hits home for me. I could write an essay on why this is the perfect Group Picture song- my three main points being - 1. It is a song about the act of creating. (“in everything that exists there lies a certain beauty / I want the world to know how much it all means to me”) which is exactly what Group Picture aims to celebrate. 2. It’s a song written and performed by someone who is usually more in the background of his bands (bassist / backup vox / recording engineer) but here has a platform to express his own individual style and skills, which is exactly what Group Picture wants to promote. 3. It has a Milk Flud name drop, which is a classic and classy GP / MNE move. Thank you Ian. You rule.

Dante Elephante - It Bothers Me

Dante Elephante are Santa Barbara legends and their new album “Rare Attractions” shows them evolving their sound into more loungey and ethereal territory. I am so glad they have joined GP this year, because I see singer / songwriter Ruben almost every weekend when he DJ’s at The Tavern in Ventura and I drunkenly annoy him / vaguely fan boy out on him. Dante being on Group Picture is a sign that our friendship extends beyond Saturday nights at the Tavern. Also their album vibes hard. Check out Rare Attractions on Spotify.

Peanut Butter Cups - Highest Quality

Petition for Aaron Kovacs (Peanut Butter cups, Lauren Records CEO, Winter Break and Summer Vacation drummer) to finally put out a full album? This catchy lo-fi pop rock is undeniably infectious. Fun fact: I’ve been hanging with this boy for almost 10 years and I’ve never heard him sing, but then he sends me these recordings and I’m like wtf your voice is so cool! If he makes a full album, MNE will put out the LP and still give him 100% of the digital income. That is how much I like Aaron’s style.

Anika Pyle - Young Love

I once wrote a song with the lyric “I’ll probably see her on tour but she won’t be on Group Picture this year.” I’m so glad I was wrong. Welcome to GP Anika Pyle! Anika (Katie Ellen, Chumped) plays raw emotional pop rock songs and this gem “Young Love” is just the tip of the iceberg. When her vocals max out at the end of the tune and you get a little bit of musical goosebumps, that is the feeling you get for a full 30 minutes of watching her play live. Anika, please come in and stay for a while!

Walter Etc. - This Would Only Happen to Me

Ok ok enough of the soft emotional bullshit. Here’s a song about someone coming to kill me! It’s 100% true. If you’re reading this, help!!!

Jake Lee - Good Run

Jake Lee (Bleeding Gums Murphy) strikes again with a lo-fi indie gem in which we hear Jake Lee reflect on his gaime from last year. Sounds like he made some interesting choices and is coming to terms with them? Or did I miss the mark, Jake? He is and always will be one of my favorite songwriters and his voice in this fuzz effect is not a bad look, I have to admit. The only way my life would be better is if Jake made a full album. Cheers homie.

Babytooth - State Quarters, OR

Technically, this is Babytooth’s official debut on Group Picture, but Portland, OR singer / songwriter Isabel Zacharias had a song on the comp last year that blew me away. It was her vocals and lyrics that hooked me then, and are still yanking me now. Now backed by a full band that gives dynamic range to her songs, it was still that first line “now you know you want a girl without a phone” that had me nodding “yup i love this”. Fingers crossed for Babytooth to become a GP staple.

Trashbike - Weasel

Trashbike is Bread (Blowout, Walter etc., Donkey Lips) and his homie Ru playing the pedals. He told me he wrote this song while stumbling home from the Bye and Bye. Bread is like a sexy emo prince, can’t you hear it? This song rules and I really hope Trashbike is more than just a one and done GP band. I would listen to a few albums of soft songs like this, wouldn’t you?

Banned From Japan - Vegan X

Welcome back to the Socal Valley punk rockers Banned From Japan! If you know that singer / songwriter Matthew Earle has been sober for a few years, this song is hilarious, simultaneously poking fun at vegan straight-edge and himself. The music rips and his vocals are catchy af. Fat Wrecks Chords come and sign Banned From Japan asap!

Walter X - Winter Shy

Ok. This is a bit meta. Walter X (Michael Mahaffie and his WMAHMO / Walter Etc. hardcore chip tune cover project) covers an old Walter GP song as his own GP song. Pretty niche MNE content! This song, in this Lifetime-esque style, his vocals so clear but so gruff, those guitar harmonies, the creative intro and chip-tuney bridge…. this literally gives me chills and is so much better than the original. I encourage anyone reading this to go check out his own original music under the name Jump Cut. It sounds just like this but with Michael’s own songs, shedding the limitations of the musical simpleton Walter songs. Also, check out the full Walter X album on Spotify! What a talented dude…

Curling - Genkai Trip

Curling released their MNE album “Definitely Band” this year and the musical arrangements / song structures absolutely floored me. Genkai Trip is a song that got left off the album, but lives on through GP! Singer / guitarist Bernie Gelman noted “There's some pretty wacky guitar overdubs where Jojo and I each doubled some guitar parts while the other person was playing with the trem on the guitar, so you get this really weird detuning effect.” and yup that is Curling in a nutshell for you. Always excited to play around with gear and recording techniques that are way beyond my level. I think this is an extremely underrated band and highly encourage the world to check out Definitely Band on spotify!

Ali Muhareb - DIY Hell

Ali? What the hell did you even make this song? It’s intriguing in the verses and then when the chorus busts out it sounds like if Dough Martsch were an up and coming artist in Portland in 2018. I actually had to text Ali to ask what these guitar sounds were and, if anyone is interested, he responded, “I compressed two guitars together through a virtual amp. And they’re both running through this sick pedal I got called the Data Corrupter.” For sure Ali! Thanks for a bad ass tune.

Dakota Loesch - Don’t Solve My Mysteries

I’ve been listening to a lot of Dakota’s music (solo, Animal City, Lemp Lungs) recently. I keep coming back to it, and its not a mystery. After hundreds of songs in his pocket, songs like “Don’t Solve My Mysteries” still sound musically and lyrically fresh, like Dakota has never had writer’s block in his life. When I listen to his music, I feel like it vicariously breaks down my own creative barriers. For instance when I first heard this song and he dropped the hook “just don’t solve all mysterious” I had that knee-jerk urge to ditch what I was doing and go write a poem or something. His will to create is just that contagious. Combine that with the Casio-keyboard bedroom drum machine vibe that I love so much about his songs like “The Basmati Rice” and you have a 10/10 GP banger.

Jerbear - Nowhere Girl

Jerbear is Jeremy Murphy (Teal & Jer, Riled, so many) and he is the king of a few things: weird bad guitar tones, asymmetrical organic song structures, rad lyrics that I never understand, and a voice that is universally loved. He stole my heart with Cranberries in the Cosmos on a previous GP, but I think Nowhere Girl takes the cake. Jer- when do we get the full solo album? Please don’t fall into the category of GP lost wonders. You’re not too shabby at this music thing!

Hemingway - Catch My Cool

Catch My Cool is a B-side from Hemingway’s You Will Never Be Happy.

I played drums in Hemingway at this time and I always vibed that Benny didn’t really like the way this song came out int he studio. I don’t get why? That vocal melody, soft sad and surfy guitar leads… it makes me wanna hold hands with a girl on Christmas Eve while walking down some bougie street looking at Christmas Lights. It sounds like a Starflyer 59 worship track and I love it for that. Benny, you made a mistake. This song should have made the album.

Alex Maddox - The Hypocrit’s Dilemma

I’ve heard Alex play this song when we get together to jam, and he always laughs it off as a Walter Mitty rip off song. But honestly, this is what I wish WMAHMO would write about if we made a folk punk record today. If you listen to this song knowing that Alex Maddox was a guy who quit his high paying job to travel Europe in his van, surfing and skating and working on farms, the lyrics to this song are way more wanna-be Walter Mitty. The song depicts a transformation in his paradigm and is completely raw, authentic, and sincere. Alex inspires me to chase a wholesome life that is designed for and by myself, rather than the obvious and sterile template that is provided for us, and this song exemplifies that 1000%.

Uncle Uncle - Nira (I’m Alive)

We played with Uncle Uncle last year in Santa Barbara and I honestly think we should have opened for them. They are actually a good band, both live and recorded. Stylish, friendly, and comically laid back- they might be the quintessential Santa Barbara band. A semi-new band, Uncle Uncle is gaining momentum quickly, and I won’t be surprised when the day comes that Kevin and Dom big time me on State st. Til then, I’m just glad I get to claim that they were on a Group Picture.

Humphrey Orlando - Set U Free

Ah, Humphrey. No, Humphrey accompanied by Toast. Two legends as old as MNE itself. What is there to say? I could listen to their wandering ballads til I fall into the Big Sleep, and still the melodies linger on…

#group picture #group picture volume 8 #making new enemies

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smartoptionsio · 6 years ago

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Signals Thursday #5 – Interview With Crypto Addicts

It is Thursday again (Friday, I can see you!) and in this issue of Signals Thursday we sat down with Ben, CEO of Crypto Addicts. Crypto Addicts is a legit Crypto Trading company from Belgium, which work with a fully fledged team of technical analysts. They offer a big package of crypto stuff in their subscription, from a monthly magazine, over altcoin and bitmex signals up to fund management. They work with a custom AI which alerts the traders on possible trade opportunities. From there the analysts pick up the signal and put the human flavor on it to estimate the quality. Ben took some time to answer our questions about how they work, who they are and how they are able to offer so many services for such a bargain.

SmartOptions.Io: Crypto-Addicts is quite successful – even in this bear market. How do you manage to choose always the right altcoins? Many crypto signal channels switched over to Bitmex alone as they just didn’t make a dime anymore with trading altcoins.

Crypto Addicts (Ben): First of all, thank you for pointing this out.

We have faced great challenges in a market that was in decline. But instead of switching to Bitmex, we just added a Bitmex channel to meet a demand from some of our customers who wanted to “take advantage of the downturn”.

As a result, for the signals sent on the Binance channel, we first massively reduced the number of mid-term signals and increased all the amount of analysis. We also adapted our strategy, in order to take advantage more quickly of waves for short-term signals.

With regard to short-term investments, we have always had our own risk analysis and management techniques, and we have just stuck to it. In concrete terms, we put on each signal a risk assessment score, which is automatically calculated according to volumes, volatility, market trends, etc. and we do not share a signal when the risk is higher than 4.2/5. This empirical technique has always been successful for us.

In addition, as soon as we receive a signal from our servers, we always analyze them manually, taking into account all aspects that a bot cannot detect before posting it. And for that, I have an incredible team with Arnaud and Julien who help me validate signals.

SmartOptions.Io: OK – let’s get it straight. How is it profitable, as a company, to offer this range of services you provide, while being so affordable? I never got why an HQ channel like yours, is such a bargain? Crypto Addicts (Ben): We will remember that. Jokes aside, our strategy has always been to maximize customer satisfaction. Taking advantage of the crypto market should not only be accessible to the wealthiest. Many young people with a capital of less than $500 came to us, without knowledge and strategies and we wanted to help them without taking most of their capital. We have therefore opted for an affordable price that allows small capitals to benefit from our advice while maintaining a service that is always at its best. I must say that our members give it back well and our retention is much higher than on other channels we have been able to talk to. Our rule is complete satisfaction and this also involves price.

SmartOptions.Io: Are your signals fully automated by your bot or does a human have a look over it? Tell us a bit more about the traders at Crypto-Addicts. How did they come to trading and especially to crypto, assuming they started with fx first? Crypto Addicts (Ben): There are several steps to a signal. – First, our server sends us a signal. This bot has been developed by several developers and our team of analysts, in order to be able to produce quality signals, taking into account all market elements that can be analyzed by a computer. – Then, once the signal is received, it goes through human analysis. We analyze the graph, the news, the project, the BTC trend,… – If we validate the signal, we press a send button and the signal is shared on the corresponding channels.

Regarding traders, there are 3 of us who are in charge of analysis and signals. Arnaud, Julien and I. Arnaud is a 27-year-old trader, financial and trader since the age of 18. He was indeed a trader on the classic market initially, and more specifically on FOREX. We recruited him for his experience and amazing market vision. Then there is Julien, initially a consultant in banks in the creation of risk management tools for investment funds. He is our specialist in signal strategy development, machine learning and mathematical analysis, beyond simple indicators. Then I am a sales engineer, with a specialization in finance, and a trader first for pleasure and then professionally for several years now.

SmartOptions.Io: Can you tell us about your personal views on the crypto ecosystem? What do you think about “the bubble”, how will crypto evolve and what is the missing link for mass adaption and the crypto takeover in your opinion.

Crypto Addicts (Ben): This is the kind of discussion we often have with our oldest customers. As I see it, the market is still very immature. Whether it is about technologies, market cap, adoption or the mentality of most of the people involved.

We did indeed experience a bubble, and from the beginning of January, we advised our clients to exit the position. The buzz around a market is often a harmful element on the mid-term, especially when we see growth as intense as that of late 2017. What is striking is the perfect structure of the BTC chart, which is similar in every respect to the theory of financial bubbles, but according to this chart, we could be at the end …

One thing is certain, the market will evolve further and many things will change. Regulations, market priorities,… will probably reduce the visibility of many altcoins, opening the way mainly to platforms. Financial markets will also have a positive and negative impact as well, bringing capital and potentially more stability, but also risks of manipulation (voluntary or not) due to the weakness of current volumes and an increased correlation compared to “traditional” markets.

But the key will be, as you rightly point out, adoption. It is about the adoption of the population, but also of companies and institutions, and the missing link is capital. It is a bit like the snake biting its tail, but until we have more capital on the market in a stable way, regulators will not be able to accept cryptos because of the risks it represents (see the SEC decision in August), and we will not be able to have a virtuous circle of adoption. Therefore, solutions such as those proposed by the Winklevoss brothers and other stable coins or fully financed fund projects are huge opportunities for the entire market.

If projects like these succeed in developing concretely, it will be a giant step towards global market adoption.

SmartOptions.Io: Last but not least, what are your personal gems – do hold any cryptos for the long-term with no intention to sell them in the short-term?

Crypto Addicts (Ben): Haha, yes indeed. I have a weakness for cryptos active in the telco sector (such as TEL for example). Many telephone operators are attracted to diversification in mobile payment, and companies like Telcoin offer them a solution. Then, as I said earlier, I am afraid that many alts will disappear in the coming months, and I am convinced that the majors (XLM, ADA, ETC,…) will be the big winners in the months and years to come. And since the beginning, I must admit I have a big crush on XLM. But only time will tell if I was right.

SmartOptions.Io: Dear Ben, I know you are a very busy man – so thank you very much for taking the time to answer our questions!

➲FACT SHEET for Crypto Addicts

PLEASE NOTE DOWN THIS DISCOUNT CODE: QQX-6PC-5TZ You can subscribe discounted to the service on this page or the bot.

Website: https://www.crypto-addicts.com/

Telegram Contact: https://t.me/Crypto_Addicter_Analyst

Discount Code: QQX-6PC-5TZ (to be used with their signup bot or on their smart deal page)

Pricing:(Please note that there is also a 3-Months subscription with the signup bot, which is not listed on the website yet)

Crypto Addicts Pricing Table (hate to say that, but these prices are a NO BRAINER for the amount of service and successful signals you get! Most often you will have the membership fees back with 2 trades)

Special Features: Strong direct support, Binance Auto Trader, Magazine, Crypto Investment Fund, Great daily Market updates.

Exchanges: Binance

Results tracking: Results Dashboard (only free signals shown)

Signals with technical analysis: Yes, Tradingview charts are attached

Bitmex Signals: Yes, separate Bitmex channel available

ICO Reviews: Yes, in the magazine sometimes

Magazine: Diamond Report Example(June’18)

Trading Timezones: We saw most of the trade in the European trading session, but starting early in the Asian trading session.

Languages: The channels are available in English and French

Testimonial Channel: https://t.me/cryptoaddictstestimonials (collected customer testimonials are gathered here, I searched the text of the testimonies in the VIP chat and was able to find the reviews. They are real.

Free Signals Channel: https://t.me/crypto_addicts_free (no cross-promotions).

How the paid signal channel looks like:

Please note down this 25% discount code: QQX-6PC-5TZ You can subscribe discounted to the service on this page or the bot.

TRUSTED SIGNAL PROVIDER

Crypto Addicts is allowed to use the TRUSTED PROVIDER SEAL

The post Signals Thursday #5 – Interview With Crypto Addicts appeared first on Smart Options.

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datingadviceonreddit · 7 years ago

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Okay, so this is going to be long and complex, but I believe it is all necessary to get a complete picture. This post is part advice seeking and part I would just like someone to listen. I’ll try to get in as much as possible, but I’m sure I’ll inevitably miss something. I am using an alt account since several people know my main and I’m a little embarrassed of some things.Date #1: Ok, so to start, I am M/24, she is F/18. We met on Tinder, I asked her on a date immediately and she accepted. This happened about mid December, right before Christmas break (we are both college students at the same school... well technically, more on that in a minute). So, we go on this date and it’s great, similar interests, taste in food, travel, and humor. She is intelligent and beautiful. What more can you ask for? I’m immediately struck. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic/fall hard and fast type (INFP, lol), but this is something I have come to recognize and I try my best to keep it in check.The first date ends, as we are leaving, it came up in conversation that I am about to catch the bus (my vehicle was broken at the time and I live off campus), no big deal, I’m used to it. She offers to ride me home. Now, normally I wouldn’t accept this offer (I’ve declined similar ones before this) as, while I wasn’t ashamed of taking the bus or too masculine to be driven by a female, those thoughts, unfortunately, still persist (“would I be seen as a loser for relying on a girl for a ride?” etc.). However, with her, I didn’t care... I rather have the extra 10 mins with her even if it meant looking like a loser.So, we ride to my apt, as we pull up I ask if she wants to do another date... she is interested. I ask for the following day (it is the last day before Christmas break and we both had plans to go home for break), she says she can’t do that. Obviously, that stung a bit (I know it was truly that she just didn’t have time, but still, you know?). However, on the bright side she does give me her number. We begin texting, but something becomes immediately evident. She is very slow to respond. Again, my hyper-emotional self begins to worry (“is she not interested?” “did she not mean it when she said she had a good time?” “Is she going to ghost me?” etc.).Now, this is the part where I’ll enter that I have suffered from depression for a lot of my life (never been clinically diagnosed, but, I mean... let’s be real, I think I know my own personality enough... and I think about loneliness, death and depression a bit too much to not have some form of depression). Anyways, I recognize some of the thoughts have in these situations can be irrational and again, I’m working on that (which is why I have yet to have a gross overreaction in this situation and there were/are actually more dates and more to this story).We continue texting, very slow on her end, but it is there. I begin to realize, she isn’t looking to ghost me, she is just truly bad/slow at responding. A month passes, we get back from break. I start to build up the nerve to ask her out again (it takes some time, and it should also be noted I am SUPER busy with school myself, a lot of extracurriculars). But I finally work up to it and try to set something up, however when I do I went roughly a week without a response (I didn’t want to message again too soon to seem too desperate... which is related to one of my main questions which I’ll get to in a minute... oh, also, I should note there was no kiss on the first date, that’ll be important later too).Date #2: She finally responds and apologizes, which, of course, I tell her no problem and am just happy to hear from her. We finally get a date set up for roughly a month after getting back from break (better late than never!). Dinner and a movie (or rather, movie then dinner). We go out, I have a great time, she appears/says she did too. She picked me up (vehicle wasn’t fixed quite yet... it is fixed now though, Woohoo!), drove us and dropped me off again (I did pay for everything, as I have with all our dates, not bragging or asserting that means anything, just thought I’d add it in case it helps with any advice). We get to my apartment and I immediately tell her it can’t be so long between our next date and she happily agrees. I’m so ecstatic with the thought of another date, I cheerfully tell her goodnight and get out... not thinking to read the situation if I could have made a kiss happen. That’s okay though, I figure, third date, this is going to be it. I’m going to make it happen.Our plans? One week later. Rock climbing (indoor) and dinner. The week passes (I’m gleefully counting down the days), it gets to the day before, she tells me she is at home (like, parents home, about 1-2 hours away), for a “stupid” reason, but she will be back for our date and she will explain then (bonus points if you know where this is heading... I had an idea at the time, but I tried to remain positive). Anyways, next day comes, date day, and I am all ready for the date, about to leave and meet her, when she texts me and asks if we can skip the rock climbing and just do dinner. She says she was really tired and didn’t get much sleep. I, obviously, told her yes. I added that she didn’t have to feel obligated to do dinner, that if she needed sleep I’d understand. After a bit of texting, I convinced her I was truly okay with it, so we rescheduled for 2 days later.Date #3: Ok, so the real date #3 comes. I meet her at rock climbing and it goes great as usual, I love talking with her, and we got a bit competitive (in a good way) with the rock climbing (she kicked my butt for those keeping score). After that we headed to dinner, on the way there, we were discussing our competitiveness and how we admired it in each other. I also knew she has played a decent amount of board games, so naturally, I get a great idea for the next date, game night! I mention it to her, and again she is immediately on board... except... yep, you remember that pesky little issue from earlier. For reasons (I know some of it, not all of it, but obviously don’t want to share any of it out of respect for her and her privacy), she is returning home for the rest of the semester and won’t be back until Fall (for those who called it, well played). Clearly, this is a bit of a bummer. She said she was leaving in a week, but that we could still do the game night before she left. I obviously agreed (remember, any time with her is better than none). We continued with our date and on our way to dinner... on the way, I basically brought up the fact that I really, really liked her, (she expressed the same, thank God), and that, if she wanted, I had my vehicle back and she didn’t live THAT far... that we could still try to make it work, if she was even interested. She said she had a similar thought, but wasn’t sure if I would be interested (can you say, “uh, duh?”).We continued and finished the date, it was great. However, as I knew she was/is going through a lot... I didn’t go for a kiss. We already had plans for a 4th date (game night) before she went back though. But, right after the date ended, I texted her and asked if she had heard of/seen/wanted to see the movie Game Night, because it would make a great lead up for our own game night. She did/didn’t/did. So it was another date, back to back, 4 and 5. Originally it was for this past Th/F, however, she had to move them up a day though, because she had to leave a day earlier than she thought. This was a bit difficult as it meant I had to shift some things on my schedule around, but I made it work (again, if it is to spend time with her, the “duh?” still applies). The only problem, none of my friends who originally planned to attend game night could make it (which is fair, because it was a last minute change). I was worried she wouldn’t want to do it just me and her, but she still agreed.Date 4#: We go see the movie, again, good time (we laugh at all the same parts, make some witty banter during the movie... but not too much as to be annoying/disturbing, all around great). Movie ends, I ask if she is hungry and offer to buy her dinner (wasn’t originally on the agenda). She says she is but unfortunately she has to pack still and needs to get back to her dorm. I completely understand and wish her a goodnight. Again, no kiss (I read the situation and I could clearly tell she was a bit preoccupied, which is totally fair given her current situation, so rather than try and make it awkward or make her uncomfortable or more stressed, I simply wished her a goodnight and told her I was excited for tomorrow/game night).Date #5: Game Night! I had a meeting (on campus) right before our date and so I said we could ride together after the meeting (in case you aren’t notice the theme, any extra time together is a bonus, even a 10 minutes drive). I said I could drive or she could, she offered (she has driven every time we have been together, and if her driving makes her more comfortable, then that is a-okay with me). We get back to my place and we get right into the games... however, in order to make up for the lack of people, and in order to give her a really good time before she left, you know I had a few surprises in store. Firstly, while bragging rights were on the line... I also got some other little prizes for the winner, to make it more fun. The next surprise will come at the end. Oh, and also dinner (pizza, because... pizza). We begin playing the games, she beats me at some and I win some (never let her win, because she has made it very clear she does not like that)... I obviously try to find a way to slip her most of the prizes though, because, come on, we know the prizes were mostly for her. Another amazing date... we played and talked for hours. We finish our last game, before she leaves though, I ask her to wait a second. I run and get a little “going away” gift bag I made for her (it included several things she likes/things from our dates... she likes books and she also mentioned she hadn’t read Ready Player One yet, so I got her a copy of that; she also likes coffee so I got her a Starbucks card, plus a few other small things related to our dates; and, of course, a short note wishing her safe travels). I go downstairs and give it to her, but tell her she can’t open it til she leaves.So, moment of truth. I know what you are all thinking (the two of you that are still reading at this point), did I kiss her?! The short answer: no. As we moved towards the door, preparing for our goodbyes, I mentioned that we had now had 5 dates and that I had an amazing time on all of them (she says she did too) and asked if it was fair to say we were dating and if she still wanted to continue to, which she said she did (this is when I gave her the gift). However, she said something along the lines of “well, I’ll see you again sometime,” (don’t remember word for word, but along those lines) and she seemed a bit distant, she didn’t really come in for a kiss, much less even a hug goodbye (I know the onus is “typically” on the man, but usually there is that 80/20 or even 90/10 rule, there wasn’t even a 1% here). On top of this, it was really late, we were both super tired; I did recognize she was likely still somewhat occupied by the move; I also was kind of afraid of a kiss in a sense, because what if it was amazing but then we never did end up seeing each other again? (Silly I know, but this is the brain I am working with). All these things combined, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I opened the door for her and said my goodbyes (all and all, still a great night... but do I regret not trying the kiss? Of course).This week/weekend I’m at a conference, so no chance of meeting up, plus I also recognize she probably wants time to get home/get settled before trying to work anything out between us, which, again, 100% understandable. So I plan/planned to give it at least until next weekend before I try to plan anything. However, I still continued to text her. And for the first few days it went really well (nothing crazy, but I actually got like 3-4 text from her each day). Then, it comes yesterday, where I didn’t hear from her once. And all that leads me to right here. Haven’t heard from her in over 24 hours (which isn’t unusual for her, but again, just trying to contextualize the situation). Also, to make it clear, my last message to her was a direct (not intrusive or anything like that) question, so it’s not like I was just like “hey.”All of that brings me to my two main questions. 1. Did I screw up by not kissing her? Has it been too long now? Or was it the right call given the circumstances? (Would love to hear from some female perspectives, especially). 2. What is the appropriate amount to text/message her? I don’t want to be (and am not, so appear to be) needy/clingy by any means. But I also want to keep the relationship/communication alive. I don’t want to let the flame die, so to speak. I know this is a tough line to tow, as too much messaging is needy (or worse, psychotic), but too little can lead to a weakening of that connection we have built and possibly yet another fizzled out relationship. So, any thoughts on how much to text? (And also appropriate things to say, other than just the constant “how are you today,” which I know is nice/sweet, but is it too repetitive/plain)? Also, any other general tips would be most appreciated! What’s in my head? What’s not? Am I worrying too much? Or just the right amount? Thank you so much for reading this far and for any potential advice! (Achievement Unlocked Ramblin’ Man: Listened to the problems of a hopeless romantic). via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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mariathaterh · 7 years ago

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Our 12 most read posts of 2017

We’re quickly nearing the end of 2017. These final days of the year are for contemplating, thankfulness and optimism about what’s ahead. While we’re looking back at this past year – which has been incredible for us -, we wanted to present for your reading pleasure: the twelve most read posts of 2017. A super powerful collection of SEO knowledge. Time to start the countdown. Happy reading!

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Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

We often get questions about redirects and the redirects manager. Not many people know the difference between all these codes like a 301 or a 410, so we set out to remedy that. This post gives you an overview of what a redirect is and which one you should use when. We hope this makes it a bit clearer.

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

The content and SEO analysis is a core feature of Yoast SEO. Many users will spend most of their time in the post editor, fixing the readability and SEO-scores of their articles. Doing so improves the findability and readability of your articles. This article shows you how to use it to its full potential.

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

Write for your user and use language they can understand. It’s advice you hear all the time; but what does it mean and how do you incorporate it into your work? In this post, Marieke presents five great tips to improve that next blog post you are working on.

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Part one of our Image SEO series; part two is even higher on this year’s list. Over the years, we’ve seen how vital site speed has become. One of the first things you should do to make your site faster is to optimize your images. Seems like a no-brainer, but people still seem to forget. This post explains how you so go about that.

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

Many WordPress users seem to struggle to make sense of the robots.txt file and how it influences SEO. Well, this post explains what the best practices are for your WordPress robots.txt. Also, Joost describes how the robots.txt file was used some years ago and how it works today. A must-read!

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical is an important tool in your SEO toolkit. It helps you determine which version of identical or similar url’s Google should index. If you’re not using it, you might be confusing Google with duplicate content and ultimately, competing with yourself. In this ultimate guide, we’ll teach you everything about rel=canonical.

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

This is the one that started it all. Joost’s original WordPress SEO article still draws lots of visitors and rightly so; it’s an impressive piece of work. In it, you’ll find loads of tips and tricks to make your WordPress site awesome, for both visitors and search engines. Haven’t read it yet? What’s stopping you? Read it!

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO can have a significant effect, not only on your rankings but accessibility as well. By adding the correct tag content to images, you describe what’s in them so search engines and screen readers can identify it. Find out how you can improve your image SEO.

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

Together with the page title and structured data, the meta description is one of the few tools you have to make your site stand out from your competitors in the search results. You have to write an enticing text that makes it impossible for potential visitors to resist your site. How? Well, you can read all about it in this article.

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

It’s quite hard to pick a great and fitting focus keyword. Finding the right keyword might be the missing link for your SEO efforts. Joost de Valk wrote an excellent post on how to find the perfect focus keyword. He even gives you tips on how to get a sense of the search volume you can expect for a particular keyword.

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

You guys love practical tips. Most of the posts in this top twelve set out to answer your questions. This post surely delivers those answers since it has been in our most-read lists for some time. In this article, Marieke shows you how to create a structure in your text that makes its message clear and easy to understand.

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

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Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

In 2017, we added lots of site structure features to Yoast SEO. One of the focus points was cornerstone content, i.e., the most important content on your site. These articles define who you are and what you offer and should, therefore, receive special attention as these are the magnets that pull in traffic from search engines. This post explains everything about cornerstone content.

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

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#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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elenaturnerge1 · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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mariaajameso · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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janiceclaudetteo · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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elenaturnerge · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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lindasharonbn · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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samiaedithg · 7 years ago

Text

Our 12 most read posts of 2017

Optimize your site for search & social media and keep it optimized with Yoast SEO Premium »

$89 - Buy now »

Info 12: Which redirect should I use?

Which redirect should I use? »

11: How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO

How to use the content & SEO analysis of Yoast SEO »

10: 5 tips to write readable blog posts

5 tips to write readable blog posts »

9: Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines

Image SEO: Optimizing images for search engines »

8: WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO

WordPress robots.txt example for great SEO »

7: rel=canonical: the ultimate guide

rel=canonical: the ultimate guide »

6: WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide

WordPress SEO: The Definitive Guide »

5: Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization

Image SEO: alt tag and title tag optimization »

4: How to create the right meta description

How to create the right meta description »

3: How to choose the perfect focus keyword

How to choose the perfect focus keyword »

2: Practical tips to set up a clear text structure

Learn how to structure your site well with our Site structure training! »

$99 - Buy now »

Info

Practical tips to set up a clear text structure »

1: What is cornerstone content?

Our most-read post of 2017: What is cornerstone content? »

Read more: ‘Our most-read posts of 2016’ »

http://ift.tt/2kUw6yj

#Our 12 most read posts of 2017

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