#also I guess here in the tags I'll mention something I had issues with at first

[russellsppttemplates]

Promise (Lewis Hamilton)

The season has kept Lewis so busy he hasn't been paying attention to you in the way you needed

Note: english is not my first language. After a long time on hold (since april), I'm finally posting this one. The timeline is a bit bent to fit what I already had written for what was requested, so I hope you don't mind it too much! Hopefully the person who requested this is still around and reading this ✨️

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions loss of friendships, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to make it. Lew already asked me to go see him race that weekend, I have booked the flights and managed to clear my work schedule too", you said to your friend after she practically ambushed you into have a coffee with her after work, "c'mon, I don't even feel like we've seen eachother recently. You're either at work or with Lewis. It's like you don't have time for me, or rather don't make it", she groaned and you frowned. You met up with her not even 10 days ago, and while you couldn't see her everyday, you managed to text her back with reasonable timing everytime she had any issues or needed some comfort, so hearing those words and accusations for what you recalled the third time over the last few weeks threw you off. Was it really something you deserved? You wondered, maybe you really weren't being the best of friends given everything happening in your life.

"It's been hard, my schedule has been all over the place. I've been quite tired and I honestly just want to relax at home when I get back from work, we've had a lot of clients, which has been good for the business, but there's also been a lot more effort in making everything work smoothly", you tried to offer her your point of view, knowing yourself that there were days you could barely answer your boyfriend back simple questions, both of happy and content to either just cuddle when he was home or have a quick videocall whenever he was away, letting you get your deserved rest.

.

"Do you have everything, darling?", Lewis said over the phone as you fastened the zip on your suitcase, "yes. Angela said that she could come and meet me with my passes. Apparently there was an issue with printing them, my name or something, I'm not sure, but she said they were good now", you recalled, looking back at your boyfriend on the screen while he smiled, "I can't wait to have you here with me", he admitted, making your heart soft, "it's been really difficult, the car and all, and I know having you here will be good".

The next day, like you had arranged, you met up with Angela at the entrance of the GP, greeting her with a smile before she noticed it, "was your flight that bad?", she wondered, "you look a bit off, dear", she explained herself better, "it was okay, just had trouble sleeping because of this crazy schedule", you tried your best to brush it off. You had looked at yourself in the mirror, and had noticed the eye bags, the veins around your eyes much stronger and, truly, you knew no one would believe you were okay, but you guessed trying wouldn't be hard, and despite feeling like Angela caught on, she decided to drop the subject, handing you your pass and grabbing your suitcase once you reached the hospitality so she could store it in a safe place.

"Hey, Y/N", George smiled, greeting you as you both walked down to the garage, "Lewis mentioned you'd be joining us today", he said, opening the door for you before following you by your side, "the flight was delayed a little, and there was traffic here, or at least my driver said it isn't usually that busy, so I got here to the sound of the engines already", you pouted, grabbing a headset for yourself from the wall.

"I'll be in there with Toto and Mick, we'll speak later, okay? Carmen is also travelling tomorrow night", George said as he walked up to sit with the rest of the team, sitting this session out as they had chosen to have Frederik drive this session on his place.

The free practice sessions did not go all that well, especially considering how you knew Lewis and the whole team would have wanted them to go, so when Lewis came out of the last session, the team allowed them a few hours so they could rest up a little and get re-energised before debriefing.

"Hey, gorgeous", Lewis said as he walked up to you, "I'm so happy you're here", he mumbled against the thin skin on your neck, taking in your scent and presence as your arms wrapped around his torso.

"Do you want to talk about it?", you asked, running your fingers on his back as the slight scratch from your nails soothed him as you walked to sit on the sofa, "I can't bring the car to the front, it's like I can't do it. We've worked so hard on it, the team has come up with so many improvements and yet it still isn't reaching the front, there's no comparison", he let it put, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, "and I can't do it either, it's my fault too, I just want to make us a competitive team again, having fights every weekend for the P1, and yet, here we are".

Kissing his knuckles, you looked up at him through your lashes, "it will all add up, my love", you caressed his skin, "there's no way your efforts won't be rewarded, you just have to keep going, keep fighting, keep rising", you smiled, seeing the corner of his lips move upwards, "one day at a time, all will be well, you just have to keep going, we just have to keep going with those we love most", you muttered, joining your foreheads so they could touch.

.

Silverstone always had a big buzz around it, so you always took the week off, "remember last year? Your friends also joined us for the party", Lewis recalled as you sat in the hospitality. Media duties had long been taken care of and Lewis wanted to hang out in the meal area in case anyone needed him before you retired to his room.

"Yeah, it was a good time", you mumbled, reliving the memories in your head. You had had dinner and partied until early hours of the night with some of your friends, who were that at the time.

The previous week, your friend had been very assertive when she called you to show her displeasure of your lack of effort to meet up with her, telling you how much you had changed and how it wasn't fair that you could only meet up once or twice a month, "it's not fair to us or to our friendship, so unless this changes, I don't see how we can carry on". The accusations were not false, you recognised that you couldn't be as present as much as before, but the premise she was holding it on seemed wrong to you. And as much as it bothered you and pained you, calling it quits was the best decision in the long run. You had enough things on your plate, and having to reassure her that you were still there for her despite all the mean comments and accusations she would throw at you, wether they were about how much time you spent working or how Lewis wasn't the right person for you, was not something you wanted to endure for your own well-being.

"How is she, by the way?", Lewis questioned as he drank his water.

"We are not friends anymore, things just didn't work out", you offered quietly, not wanting to dwell much on the topic or have your boyfriend worry about one more thing.

"Y/N!", Lewis heard Carmen call, seeing his teammate's girlfriend approach you, warmly greeting him as well before he left you two alone for some catching up, "call me if you need anything", your boyfriend said, kissing the top of your head sweetly before leaving you two to speak and moving to the table where Angela was sitting.

"Is she feeling better?", Angela asked him, nodding over to you with her eyes and smiling as you spoke to the spanish women, the genuine easiness radiating from you.

"Y/N? She's been well, I think...", he said, unsure of his own answer. You hadn't talked much about how you were feeling, and he definitely wanted to follow up on what you had just been talking about when you were comfortable, but other than that, he had no clue. Work had been busier as you received more clients and you needed a little more time to rest that usual, and you had been tagging out of plans family and friends tried to make with you. Maybe Angela was right and there was something going on.

"You should talk to her, see how everything is, Lewis. I know she has a habit of bottling everything, and while I figured she'd talk to you and bring it up, and that it would help, I'm not sure it's enough", she patted his back as she allowed him to process the situation.

Later that night, back in your hotel bedroom, you had just come out of the shower, grabbing your toiletries' bag so you could moisturise your skin, propping your leg on the bed so you could rub the product into the skin as you heard Lewis walk around the room.

As you moved to adjust your towell while you put on your underwear, you felt Lewis' hands on your shoulders before his lips pressed kisses to your clean skin, his touch so soft and tender that it melted you inside.

"Can we talk about something, darling?", he asked, moving to sit in front of you, taking his place on the bed as Roscoe joined him.

"Sure, love. Are you okay? Is something wrong?", you promptly offered, ready to be all ears to his worries as Roscoe found his perfect spot on the comforter.

"It's about you, actually", he said as you pulled your top on, leaving the towell on the bathroom before coming back to sit on the bed, "what about me?", you asked, unsure of the topic was.

"How have you been? And I don't want to hear 'I'm okay' or 'just tired from work', because that's most definitely not the truth", Lewis began, holding your hand in his, "I've been so blind to all of this, and I only noticed now just how much you're being affected, and I want to know what it is and how I can help you", he gulped, "I've been so caught up in my own things and I've missed this, I'm so sorry, Y/N", he looked into your eyes.

You knew you had been unable to hide it. And now, you couldn't escape it.

Taking a deep breath, you traced the tattoos on his hand, the seamless way the ink flowed mesmerising as you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to him, opening up about your friendships and how everything at work was both the thing that has been keeping you sane and afloat, but also buried in doubt.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry I didn't notice this", Lewis apoligised, "I've been so absorbed in getting the results we need for the team, and-", you interrupted him, knowing the wasn't the one to blame.

"Lew, I didn't want to burden you with this, it's my own doing, too", you admitted, wanting to stop the whole blame spiral going on between both of you.

"Still, I should've noticed", he tsked at himself, holding you in his arms as you cuddled into his chest, "you shouldn't have to go through that alone, no one should. I want you to tell me anything that bothers you. My career is not above us, it will never be", he said as he looked into your eyes, "and, for all that matters, the decision to end the friendship was for the better. And I know you know this, and it still hurts, and that's okay. Roscoe, buddy", he called, "come give mummy a big, big cuddle", he smiled as the dog attended to his request.

"I'm sorry, too", you said as you petted Roscoe, his snores showing you he was enjoying them, "just wanted to be a happy and cheerful partner, and support you", you reiterated.

"From now on, promise you'll tell me anything that bothers you?", he assured as you smiled, kissing his lips as a seal of your promise, "I promise".

"I love you, Y/N, and it's me, you and Roscoe against the world", Lewis said.

"Agains the world and the rest of the paddock?", you joked, "just about, yes".

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[lurkingteapot]

2023 post round-up/summary

Lovely @twig-tea tagged me here, so I'll try my hand.

I'd abandoned tumblr for about 4? 5? years 2016ish through 2020, had a short stint with it again in 2020, took peeks and vehemently disagreed with much of what I saw in 2021-2022, and grudgingly settled back in in 2023. I wasn't going to interact. I wasn't.

Jan-April: *crickets* I was being strong!

Then, I saw people moaning about how they'd learn Thai if only it was on Duolingo, and you know how spite can be funnelled into positivity? I did that! Result:

May

Popular: Free Thai Language Learning Resources, most popular by a landslide. This pleases me greatly, as I put a lot of work into it and always hope more people start picking up this language.

Favourite: maybe my thoughts on Ming, piggybacking off @kenmakaashi's post?

June

Popular: my musings on translation and how it relates to fannish reception of media, which was my most popular post of the year and 'broke containment', if only in a very small way. Some of the additions in the tags and reblogs are fantastic, do go have a look if you like!

Favourite: toss-up between my attempt at showing a parallel between a silly moment in Our Skyy 2 x BBS and a scrapped shot from BBS proper and this rant about Romanisations of Thai and why G**gle translate is the devil (that bit is in the conversation downthread), which let me meet @plantsarepeopletoo.

July

Popular: Summary of James Welker's 2006 essay "Beautiful, Borrowed, and Bent: “Boys’ Love” as Girls’ Love in Shōjo Manga"

Favourite: the offerings are slim here … let's go with the one in which I once more was salty about the way folks talk about BL

August

Popular: Only Friends' Ray isn't just The Drunkard, but also The One Who's basically Given Up On Himself, as per his title card (this one was so popular it got stolen and reposted – without credit or permission – to twitter 🙃)

Favourite: Thinking about Drama, the Romance genre, and tropes, and how those relate to our perception of BL (good additions from various folks in the notes; conversation with @visualtaehyun in reblogs and @twig-tea in the replies).

September

Popular: IFYLITA Ep 6 poem context notes

Favourite: toss-up between complaining about badly machine translated content in Love in Translation and musing on the name of Khun Yai's favourite bar

October

Popular: my long-winded answer to @zimmbzon's ask "Hi, how would a non-binary person (me) get around the binary gender rules and vocab in Thai?"

Favourite: uhhh … maybe my musings on honorific translations in kimi ni wa todokanai? (yes, technically a reblog from sideblog, shh)

November

Popular: most popular was this throwaway therapy vent containing food for thought and while I guess this meme is mostly fannish I'm linking it anyway because it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to (or something)

Favourite: when I called out the resemblance between the Last Twilight trailer and Intouchables (2011). Literally no one cared, but then @my-rose-tinted-glasses independently came in strong with receipts as soon as the actual first episode aired and made me feel validated af.

December

Popular: Why I'm pretty sure Last Twilight's "fried rice/false rice" joke was funnier in Thai

Favourite: the saga of the songs in Ep 4 of Last Twilight

I didn't do any round-up posts, but I'll include the other category @twig-tea added:

Five other posts that I want to highlight because I can:

BL Favourites Tag Game (July 2023)

Link to fujoshi.info with information on WHY you should check out that site if you're interested in having an informed opinion on BL and the genre's history.

contemporary issues in Thailand as mentioned in Only Friends ep 1

Thoughts on code-switching in Step by Step

Reply to @mynameisnotthepoint's comment-via-ask on my anti viki rant

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm completely lost – I was mostly off tumblr for nearly three weeks; if you made a post like this you'd like me to see, please link me/tag me! <3

[sugaredrhubarb]

Reading with Ru: 2023 oct/nov/dec fic and book recs

Hello hello! Back again with some final recs from what I was reading towards the end of the year. Gonna start with cod because that's where most of my moots are, and then some from other fandoms and published romance I've been enjoying as well.

Just in case this goes outside my little circle, please check the tags of anything I rec; I'll try to mention if I think something is particularly dark, but don't read anything you won't like!

COD

landscape with honey by @ceilidho - (bear shifter!price x reader) starting with ceil because, at this rate, I can't write a list without including her. my friendship with ceil partially started from bugging her asks about bear price, so this one is always gonna be special, but I genuinely love it, ceil writes blatant dubcon really well (as we all know), but I think it's in fics like this—when the hero is just a little off, and the reader is caught between what seems too good to be true and a gut instinct that something isn't quite right—that her writing really thrives. Anyway, I'm okay with a big, burly man hibernating with me in a cozy cabin in the woods for a winter. (side note: we need to be talking about ghost x feral witch reader more)

Mind the Drop by @sprout-fics - (BDSM au, price x reader) more aftercare in fics!!! This wonderful one-shot is based in a universe where people are biologically designated as dominant or submissive. Reader is a sub who is feeling the effects of some missed aftercare, which Price takes notice of and offers his... assistance. Honestly, this is just some really well-written comfort and aftercare from a fun concept.

My daddy didn't love me, so I guess I've moved on to you by @makoodles - (price x reader) clearly, I was back in my Price era, and this fic hits on the central theme of my attraction to him in the first place: daddy issues :) So, if you may want to read 17k of Reader and Price succumbing to their attraction and mutual daddy kinks, this one is for you.

Light On by @peachesofteal - (ghost x singlemom!reader) I feel like everyone was reading it, but if you haven't checked out this lovely story yet, please do! It's nice to take a break from the darker fic, and this one is so lovely while still acknowledging Simon's trauma and obsession. Peaches is an excellent writer, and this sent me down a rabbit hole of single-parent fics and books! I could read so much of this.

Pornstar!ghost by @ghosts-cyphera - ( x reader) lo is on a little break right now, but this is another wonderful entry on the soft side of cod fic. I really enjoy Ghost's charisma and confidence on display here, and every update had me giggling and kicking my feet. (I found lo through her price wife x 141 post, which is also a must read)

okay, so @ohbo-ohno (hopefully) knows I love her, and she wrote a ton and is constantly throwing out mind-bogglingly yummy drabbles, so here are some of my favs from her kinktober and 1k celebration: price x reader breeding (surprise, surprise), soap x reader somno (drugged noncon), 141 x reader orgy, ghoap ft price deepthroating, 141 x free use reader (the dream), kingpin price x reader, ex husband price x reader, gaz x reader a/b/o, and my personal fav I think about all the time ghoap x brand new vampire reader. Maybe got a little carried away, but I adore Bo's work, and she has a unique ability to make everything hot.

And finally, @charliemwrites. When making this list, I was tempted to just rec everything Charlie has posted in the last few months, so if you aren't reading her stuff already, I'm jealous that you get to experience it for the first time. Obviously, it would be a mistake to not start with her current fics: charmed slasher simon (he's a serial killer, so violence warning) and woof woof johnny, which are both so fun and compelling, I get so excited whenever I see a new update. I almost daily think about this dark(ish) Price decides you're his wife post. Charlie also writes just wonderful fluff and lighter but emotional relationships too, and both childhood friend simon and bodyguard!gaz have a special place in my heart

other fandoms

casualties by little fools writing/tianawritesfic - (darklina) yet another person I could rec every single work by. This is a boyfriend's roommate cheating fic with the perfect amount of mean man.

You kept me like a secret (i kept you like an oath) by burninghoneyatdusk - (darklina) I genuinely think everyone should read this; it's modern setting, so no canon knowledge needed. Alina wakes up after an accident and discovers she's pregnant, but she doesn't remember the last year of her life, doesn't know who the father is, and most importantly, doesn't remember the affair that ended her relationship. I could talk about it for ages, but I'm just gonna share my comment on the last chapter: "every action, line of dialogue, description, and internal thought felt deliberate— not a single word felt wasted. you stripped both aleks and alina bare and it felt impossible to not take them in completely. i don't even know how to talk about the therapy sessions and alina's healing. the exploration of her guilt, her past, her anger, her confusion it all felt so earnest and raw. what a gift to read."

Bury Us Both by morriganmercy - (Lavinia Lucia/Nick Bruin) this is sibling incest! For the love of god, don't read it if it's not your thing. I know nothing about The Royals of Forsyth series (books?), but this was recd by someone, and I saw the tags codependency, slowburn, heavy angst, pining, and religious guilt, and now here we are.

bonus! published romance I enjoyed

links are to goodreads

Return to Monte Carlo by Cate C. Wells - set in 1982, fmc runs away from her stifling life with her rich italian husband and his snobby family before discovering that she's pregnant. fun, smutty, warning for miscommunication galore. i saw some comments about the fmc being immature but she's swept into this crazy life at like ~19 so idk enjoy your smut and stop thinking so much.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath - a widowed duchess must learn to get along with a notorious self made rogue when he is given guardianship of her beloved son. I'm a sucker for historical romances and for single parent stories but the combo is so hard to get right and this one did it for me! while sometimes a little ridiculous, i felt the characters actions had clear motivations. watching the mmc's relationship with the son grow was really nice and it actually made sense given his backstory rather than the sudden "guy who hates kids suddenly cares" trope other books do. (warning for discussions of childhood abuse and sa)

Luna and the Lie by Mariana Zapata - say what you will about MZ slow burns but no one else can get me to read 600 pages for one sex scene at 95% in. are most of her character's really similar? yeah. but they're never annoying and i love that they're always good people trying their best. i love all the small details and i love me an older man who is secretly down horrendously bad only to gets worse and worse at not showing it.

Icebreaker by Hanna Grace - people have things to say about this book. do the characters get together early on? yeah. do they hook up in the back of an uber filled with their friends? also yeah (i thought it was hot so). is their very little plot in a 400 page book? sure. i'm here for a good time not to be intellectually challenged. i actually enjoyed seeing their time together and really enjoyed that they just fucking communicated even if there were mistakes along the way. plus big nice hockey player who cares about consent? swoon my little canadian heart.

check the reading with ru tag for more!

[mioyeo]

8 makes 1 Team

No matter how different, without one of us there is no 8 makes 1 Team

Synopsis : In which 8 boys build a friendship despise of their differences with the help of a psychiatrist

Pairing : psychiatrist! Reader x Ateez (for now )

Warnings : this chapter includes mentions of , ignorant staff , crying , sweet guard hours , grooming , influential parents, no consent , threatening , taking minors private parts in their mouths , sexual assault , arguing , please tell me if I forget something , and I’m not romanticizing disorders in anyway and this is pure fiction meaning this doesn’t represent Ateez in any type of way

For every new chapter I’ll place this (🟢) beside it in the masterlist so you guys know that the chapter is new and was posted recently

Tag list : @veneziamadness , @hcyaa , @sadcoffeecritic , @aapplepii , @lavishloving , @dogsongy , @acciocriativity , @k33vad3la , @seonghwifey , @hanjihyun23 , @yunhoswrld123 , @cqndiedcherries , @miriamxsworld , @belle643 , @pandyandy71-blog , @mothworked

I apologize for taking so long , I had a huge writer’s block so I couldn’t really continue writing for some days

Also if you want to be added to the tagging list for the next chapter comment so I can add you

Word count: 1,6k

It was a very quiet night that day as every guard was currently changing shifts  , others just coming in and others going home so they could return to their morning shift

Y/n just had dinner with both groups at separate times and now walked into the break room

" You've been called to the office "

One of her colleagues that was currently in charge of ordering new things such as medical equipment and further more looked up to her informing Y/n about her being expected somewhere

" I guess he must have heard my complaints "

" Your wasting his time with things we can fix ourselves , we get it there was a minor issue last time with a patient bu- "

Y/n bursted out laughing starling the other staff that sat silently doing their work

" A minor issue? Do you call a patient wanting to end themselves a minor issue ? "

She wiped her eyes and collected herself

" You must not know what your duties are if your labeling such a live threatening situation a minor issue , and the fact that you where also at the scene but didn't do anything makes me uncomfortable looking at you "

" I'm not in charge of him but you"

" Ok if I ever see you having any complications I'll just stare at you and leave how about th-"

Everyone stared in shook as silent murmuring where heard

" Both of you stop being loud there are people trying to work here "

" Well I'll excuse myself  ,  sorry for disturbing everyone else "

She bowed and went out sighing in annoyance before bumping into someone

" I-I'm sorry I didn't see you "

The male apologized quickly checking if she was alright

" It's alright , it's my fault I didn't see you "

" No no I should've looked where I was going "

He bowed again apologizing

" Aren't you the new guard in charge of Hongjoong? "

" Y-Yeah I am , I just changed shifts with a fellow friend that also works here "

" Are you going home now? "

" Yeah what about you? "

She smiled and straighten her work clothes

" I was about to meet my boss "

He hummed in knowledge scratching the back of his head

" I could walk you there since the exit is near "

" Sure I wouldn't mind company "

" How long have you been working here ? "

Both walked down the hall in silence only their footsteps being heard

" It's been over a month already "

" A so your still a fresh worker "

She nodded and looked ahead

" I feel like I've been longer here actually I don't know why but I bonded quickly with some of my patients "

" I know how you feel , I used to listen to my brother tell me stories of when he used to work here and these stories made me like his patients without even knowing them "

" These kids have something special in them they just need to be treated with care and be understood "

"I agree ,and it's exactly what my brother said "

She smiled softly looking at him

" You seem like someone they can trust based on your personality right now "

"I want to protect them just like my brown did"

" Your brother seems like your biggest role model "

" He is , we grew up alone and he was both parental roles that's why I really look up to him and want to follow his footsteps "

The elder looked at her before coming to an stop in front of the office "

" I guess this is your stop "

" Yeah it is , wait what is your name ? "

" I'm Seok-woo and I already know your name because of Hongjoong he can't stop talking about you and the activities you do with them "

He chuckled making her smile

" Well it was nice talking to you Seok-woo "

She waved before knocking on the door hearing a soft call for her to come in

" Ah Miss Y/n I've been waiting for you "

The man in his late sixties looked up from his paperwork gesturing for her to sit

" I must assume you heard of my complaints? "

" What complaints are we talking about ? "

She cleared her throat and adjusted herself on her seat

" I must inform you that the staff you've hired has been out off line and crossing several boundaries multiple times regarding not only my patients but other children here "

He hummed and leaned back on his arm chair

" When I started working here I came across the complaint that one of my patient has been sexually assaulted multiple times and forced to do multiple things out of his knowledge by one of the guards here and also physically assaulted for not acting they want them too "

" And who is that patient and guard? "

" It's my patient Park Seonghwa that was assaulted by Guard Lee "

She studied the man's face that seemed to stay calm despite being told this information

" Well I'll see what I can do about it "

He looked back at his paperwork

"He should be fired and sued for sexual assault it hasn't been one but many children in here "

The elder pressed on a button and spoke while looking at her

“ Please accompany Park Seonghwa to my office now , yes wake him up "

" Sir you need to do something about it "

" We'll discuss this with Seonghwa "

She sighed and waited patiently for the boy to arrive , it was making her nervous and something told her that this was going in a totally different direction

The door opened revealing the short blonde boy rubbing his eyes as he was woken up from his sleep

" Y/n your here "

The boy smiled and waddled towards her hugging her

" Sorry for waking you Seonghwa but would you answer some questions for me ? "

She looked at him and ressured him that it was ok so he could sit

" Miss Y/n here told me something about Guard Lee assaulting you is that true? "

The elder stared at the boy who's face dropped in horror

" Has Guard Lee been touching you without your consent ? "

He nodded and fiddled with his fingers

" What did he exactly do "

" H-He told me to take my pants off so he could look at my down there "

Seonghwa's hands found Y/n's who squeezed them slightly for encouragement

" Did he just look ? "

" H-He started doing weird things and told me that it was going to feel good "

" What do you exactly mean with he was performing weird things on you ? "

She rubbed his palm and reassured him to stop if he didn't want to continue

" He put it into his mouth and than did this until something weird came out "

The boy stiffened as he copied the stroking movements the elder performed on him

" What else did he do ? "

" H-He promised me legos after I do the same to him because he said that I should repay for his kindness "

Y/n felt sick to her stomach as she listened

" Did you allow him to touch you "

Seonghwa nodded

"B-But I didn't like it and told him to stop but he said that if I tell someone what happened he would kill me and depose my body in the woods where no one would find me "

The younger teared up trembling in fear

" How old are you Seonghwa ? "

" Sir this is a totally irrelevant question "

She looked in disbelief

" Seonghwa how old are you ? "

" I'm sixteen "

He replied sniffing

" With your age I don't consider this sexual assault anymore because that’s the legal age you can do sexual activities here in Korea "

" Excuse me ?! This is sexual assault and he groomed him prior to this "

She scoffed in anger

" How is this considered assault if he gave his consent Miss Y/n ? "

" He may have given his consent but he told the guard to stop but he continued without his consent on other occasions which means from that moment on its considered sexual assault "

“ He still gave his consent ”

“Because he was groomed, guard Lee formed a relationship with so when he was about to do this Seonghwa would be comfortable to say yes ”

" Do you know who his parents are ? His parents are very powerful people and if this comes to light it could get ugly "

He said calmly crossing his hands

" So you prefer to protect a disgusting child abuser because his parents are influential? "

" That's not what I said Miss Y/n , I'd need proof that Guard Lee touched him inappropriately before proceeding with this "

" His words are enough proof and the legos because this means that he literally purchased sex from Seonghwa in return for goods other kids as well we'd just need them to open up-"

" Miss Y/n this is not a normal hospital, these children practically live here be it long term or until they finish their treatment this is nothing like your past job "

" It's either you fire that man or he'll continue abusing your patients "

The elder sighed

" I'll see what I can do, I will have a word with Guard Lee you may go now "

Seonghwa looked at her and wiped his face even though they kept falling

" It's ok I'll make sure that he's gone ”

She bowed and left the office with Seonghwa holding onto her hand

“ Will he r-really be gone? ”

“ I promise you sweetheart that you’ll never see him again after I figure out how to get rid of him ”

“ I’m afraid he’s gonna hurt me ”

He teared up and shivered in fear

“ You don’t need to be afraid as long as I’m here , I’ll make sure he disappears from our lives completely ”

The boy nodded and hugged her tightly

“ I t-trust you ”

She teared up slightly and rubbed his back

“ I won’t disappoint you sunshine ”

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

Heey, back again with Chapter 6 :) Nothing too major goin on here, really. Nothing actually important happens until later. @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, and @laegume, I saved you all seats. (Also, @andyssilly, thought I might tag you in case you don't see this.)

Uh, before I start our little performance, I have a few lil things I'd like to say reaaal quick. The first is thaaaat... *brp bada brp brp brp boooo (that was a trumpet noise if you couldn't tell)* I have a tag for the fic now! I tagged all the chapters under the title "Where the Stars Don't Shine", so if you type it into my lil thing, it should come up! I'll probably pin a post with a the chapters linked eventually, I just keep forgetting to do it. And the second thing is slightly less important, but thought I might put it here anyways. Guys, I post polls sometimes that help me make decisions on things regarding the chapters. Nothing major, of course, just small tidbits and whatnot, but I'd really appreciate it if more people could vote on those. It's cool though, I don't mind.

Anyways, that's all for now, I guess! Soooo...

On with the show!

Word Count: 1,514

The day thankfully passes by without much issue, though truthfully you were in a daze for most of it. All you remember is the lights being unusually bright (you thought nothing of it) and a puppet show. Sun hadn’t spoken to you since your wake-up, which was a bit of a relief.

Cleaning had been a bit slower on your end. You think Sun had mentioned it at some point, though you could be mistaken. You know for a fact that he told you not to bring your pills to work on account of the kids getting access to them after you took one to ease the sharp throbbing in your head that had not let up after your nap. Strangely, you felt worse afterwards. You were sorely tempted to put in your earbuds, if only to block out that awful buzzing. You refrained, however; you really didn’t need Sun chastising you for the third time today.

You said good night, getting no response, and left. You don’t remember getting home, but you do remember trying to find something to eat in your nearly bare pantry. You found some eggs and semi-decent bread, made french toast, and passed out.

The pounding is not evaded today, either. Your head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, and it takes effort to keep your eyes open. You splash some water  on your face as a temporary fix, drink a bit of cough medicine to fight back your sore throat, and head to work.

You head straight for the desk, not bothering to say good morning to the animatronic in charge this time. Your bag hits the floor with a hard thunk, and you open it. You hope you thought to pack a lunch earlier, though you seriously doubt it with your frazzled state. 

Evidently, the source of the noise is actually a brick. You’re not even sure how you managed it, but it does explain why it felt so heavy to lug around. You assume it’s Moon’s work and think little else of it, placing it off to the side before Sun spots it and accuses you of vandalism or burglary or something. 

From the things you actually packed, most are your typical. Laptop, two books instead of one, earbuds, keys, your phone, and a second set of clothes. No lunch, though you weren’t expecting that one. You do find a granola bar instead, and tuck it in your pocket for safekeeping. Maybe you could eat it on the break you never used.

 You interest yourself in the books you brought. You’d already read (book) from cover to cover a dozen times over, but one more couldn’t hurt. The other was one of your additions for the children, and something you were hoping Moon would approve of as well. You hadn’t seen a copy of Brambly Hedge anywhere, but you’d love’d it when you were growing up. They’d liked the Peter Rabbit copy you’d put in, so with any luck, this one would garner a similar reaction.

You remind yourself to bring something for your coworker some other time. Moon may be a prick, but he seemed to get pretty bored when the children fell asleep. Perhaps something to keep him occupied would help, and maybe even get him off your back when the lights cut. What kind of books would he like, though? He’d stolen one of your Sherlock Holmes novels in your first month of work, and you’d caught him peeking over your shoulder on several different occasions when you’d brought your gothic horrors and dystopians, which also tended to mysteriously disappear. You couldn’t just walk up to him and ask, though. Asking either of them for something hardly ever went well.

You brush off the thought and remind yourself to actually request some funding for an idea you’d gotten some time back. The Daycare, action packed and entertaining as it was, didn’t really have much reading material outside of little kiddie books featuring corporate’s mascots, and while you weren’t opposed to donating your old children’s books, some newer ones would probably be more appealing. You’d noticed that Moon also seemed to enjoy the greater variety. He tended to gravitate towards classics and fables for naptime, though you made sure to only plant a few at a time do as not to arouse suspicion. You were pretty sure they thought it was the higher-ups’ doing, and you weren’t going to be the one to correct them. 

You whip around, scanning the Daycare for any sign of the animatronic before taking off with the book in hand, shelving it among the other books you’d brought. You walk back to the desk, feeling almost proud of yourself, until a voice pipes up behind you. “Friieeend, what are you dooing?” 

For the record, despite what the security cameras captured, you did not screech and trip over nothing. 

You flip over and jump back up onto your feet, hastily responding to fend off any conclusion he’d make about this. “Who’s doing something? Me? No, I’m not doing anything, nothing at all.”

Yeah, that didn’t sound suspicious at aaaall, nice going.

Sun’s faceplate turns, static grin growing wider with each click. “Reeeally now? Because it seems to me like you were trying to sneak something from the shelf.”

Great. Now he thinks you’re a thief.

You shake your head frantically, crossing your arms to further prove a point. “No, no I’m not, promise.” Yeah, that’ll help, Y/N, way to seem like a criminal.

His face reverts to its normal position, and you think you’re in the clear (until) he speaks up again. “Glad to be wrong then! Still, I think I’d rather be safe than sorry. You wouldn’t mind if I checked, would you?”

This smug little- You shoot him a strained smile and a thumbs-up that does not display your panic in any way. “Nnnnnnope, go right ahead!”

His own smile stretches. He stoops down to your height and surveys the shelf, default smile forming an unreadable expression that you’re not sure you want to uncover the meaning of. He speaks after a few moments. “This wasn’t here earlier.” He taps the spine of the newly added Brambly Hedge on the shelf for emphasis.

You swallow, arms locked at your sides. You question whether you’d prefer him accusing you of thievery or stupidity. 

He pulls it out and flips through the pages, gaze snapping back to you quizzically.

“How did it get here?” He muses out loud, putting you on the spot with a look that makes you freeze.

Your brain races to find an acceptable response other than the actual truth, and lying will only get you in more trouble. 

You pause. Moon can’t know. 

“Is Moon listening?” you probe.

He pauses, rays doing a half-spin before he responds, “Not at the moment.”

You seriously doubt that, but it’ll have to do. 

You’re so screwed. 

You fiddle with the hem of your shirt, rushing what you want to say at speeds that leave your lungs gasping as you stumble over your words. “I noticed the older kidsandsometimesMoon get bored so I thought I could bring some booksforthemfromhome but I haven’t asked management forper-permissionyetIwasgonnadothatintoday’sreportsorryandthekidsreallylikedperterrabbitsoithoughtmaybethey’dlikethisonetoopleasedon’ttellmoonormanagementIcan’tlosethisjob.” 

Your eyes are tightly screwed shut by the end of your tirade, hands clenched into fists. You peek an eye open to find Sun not in front of you, but on the other side of the room.

Yep, you are so dead when naptime rolls around.

—---------------------------------

Sun was at a sort of standstill with this new information. You were the one responsible for those books mysteriously piling up on their shelves, out of your own pocket, and you hadn’t thought to ask management? 

He hadn’t been lying when he told you Moon was absent: his brother was never active when Sun was out, preferring to stay offline unless called upon. 

He should tell Moon. This was probably something he’d want to know, something that could possibly get you fired. 

He paused. Would it get you fired? On one hand, you were required to report everything, including any changes you requested. On the other, you were the one paying for said changes, which meant the company didn’t have to do it themselves. If anything, they’d probably just issue you off with a warning and make you pay for everything.

Besides, while the Daycare was practically perfect in his humble opinion, he did have to admit he appreciated the new additions, and he wasn’t going to refuse the benefits, even if they were from you. 

Sun had a feeling his brother wouldn’t agree.

Another lightbulb flickered on in his head. You’d bought the books. He wondered what else you’d brought under the guise of management. 

He sighed, conflicted. You were right, the kids did like Peter Rabbit, along with every other book you’d brought in.

He supposed he could keep this little revelation to himself. Not for you, he reasoned, but for the kids. And speaking of the kids, a handful of them were already entering through the doors now, signaling the start of the day.

-------------

Aaaaand that's a wrap! Hope that was up to standard :) Y/N seems to be getting a little worse, hehehe...and I suuure hope Moon doesn't find out about all this, that would make for an interesting confrontation...But yeah, the Assistant's basically been funding most of the stuff for the Daycare at this point. They buy groceries when Management forgets to, restocks for emergency supplies and cleaning stuff, and buys new things for the kids sometimes.

[alaydabug2]

@sparklenarniawizard

Broken heart/Broken mind

Not a chapter

(Human AU)

Sophie and Keefe met in the children's hospital when they were little. Because of how long they were confined to the four walls of the hospital, they became very close during their stay.

As the years pass, they wind up being in the same classroom together due to their physical conditions. This makes their bond deepen.

But are they able to handle when life gets tough, throwing problems and complications their way?

Hey, I just thought I'd come on here to explain a funny coincidence. So as I've explained, I've based the conditions Sophie and Keefe have in the story are ones I actually have/used to have.

Well, when I created this story, I didn't know it yet, but my yearly cardiology appointment ended up getting pushed forward due to my cardiologist retiring. (I've had him since I was a baby. How dare he. He couldn't have waited 4 more years for me to turn 18? 😭)

But anywho. That was today. I thought I'd say what goes down during these appointments. (Although, I'll probably just make a chapter with this anyhow.)

So first I get my EKG. You get these stickers placed on your chest, arms, and legs. Then they get to see the heart rhythm visually.

Then I get my echocardiogram. You take your shirt off and they do a sonogram on the chest. (It's a bit awkward cause I'm a girl, but whatever it's fine 😅.) They can see your heart and hear the heart beating. (Bonus points if you have a murmur like me and you can hear the whooshing sound!)

Then they ask if anything is different than normal. Ex: chest pain, light headedness, shortness of breath, etc.

I guess I could also explain the conditions as well while I'm at it.

Sophie has seizures. It's pretty much self explanatory on what happens based on the story. But it is a neurological issue. Has to do with the brain. There are many reasons they could happen. For mine personally, we never had an exact reason identified, but we believe it had something to do with scar tissue on my brain from when I had my second heart surgery at 10 months. We think it was from either a heart attack, stroke, or just general lack of oxygen to the brain. (I died 6 times for reference. 😃)

I thankfully don't have them anymore. Although I did have them from ages 5 to 10. (Unfortunately, not everyone grows out of them.) I also explained Sophie's seizures the same way they felt for me. Both during and how she felt afterwards. (I do plan on giving her ones in the places I was most scared to have one. Be prepared for that. 😈)

Now I don't think I actually explained what Keefe has exactly. (Although it is in the tags.) All I ever said was it's about his heart. Well he has tetrology of fallot. This is a congenitive life long disease. (Which means you are born with it.) It is actually four defects that create this condition. Essentially you have a hole between 2 chambers of your heart. This causes the oxygenated and unoxygenated blood to mix, leading to an overall lack of oxygen getting through the body. As well as your pulmonary valve doesn't work correctly.

This gets corrected by open heart surgery. I've had three. One at 8 days, 10 months, and five years. (I can vaguely remember the 3rd one. You're not supposed to remember what happens before anesthesia. But I remember all the way to the operating room and the doctor put the mask on my face and count down from 10, while I was crying. I remember to 5. Fun stuff 🥲👍) In the story so far Keefe has had 2. One at a few months old and the one that was mentioned. So far. (I'm planning some fun stuff for him that I haven't had happen to me. Worst case scenario type stuff. Enjoy it. ☺️)

But all this means essentially you have to be extremely careful. You have certain restrictions about what you can do. You can also get out of breath easily. You can't do contact sports, like football, either. Also a random thing I've had to be careful about are those little tense machines. The ones that help sore muscles. Apparently the electrical pulses have a chance to do something to your heart if you have heart issues. Idk. 😭

But I hope that this has been interesting to you. And that the background information about both the conditions and how they relate to Sophie and Keefe help for throughout the story as it goes on. Keep in mind, that while I do know quite a bit about these conditions, I am not a doctor. Stuff will bound to be inaccurate. Also several things will be exaggerated at times for the plot.

Hope you've been enjoying! 😄

[aestheticsfandomsandmore]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

Thanks to @fiercynn for creating this tag and for tagging me! Lots of love for you, honey ♥

Name and whatever you want to share about yourself

Hey! My name is Alessandra (I'm Italian); you can call me Ale, Alex, Alexa, or just Giandra (my nickname); my pronouns are she/her. I'm 22 years old, I'm bisexual (no matter what your gender is, I'm gay for you) and aromantic.

Creative writing is my biggest passion. I also love reading and watching all sorts of stuff. Storytelling and character writing will always be my favorite thing to study.

I really care about social topics such as feminism, the LGBTQIA+ community, racism and poc communities cultures and issues, ableism and disabilities (right now, I'm specifically discovering the world of neurodivergences, as I suspect I may be ADHD), classism and all things related to these matters.

No judgment over fictional tastes will ever come from this account; however, you will be judged, and blocked, the moment I see you discriminate someone else, may it be over fandoms issues or real life issues.

When did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

July 28-30th, 2022. I watched the first five episodes in one go (in one night!) and then watched the next seven in the next few days (I had to study in between, or I would have binged it in less than 48 hours).

I joined the fandom pretty much immediately? The moment I watch or read something, the first thing I do is going on Tumblr to search for content and other people's reactions. So I entered the Bad Buddy fandom as soon as (actually, even before) I finished watching the show.

Favorite ship(s)

PatPran. Pat and Pran are my 2nd favorite otp between ALL the otps I've ever had (and I've been a professional shipper since I was, like, ten years old).

I love InkPa too, though. They're so soft and amazing and I love them as individual characters. If PatPran weren't in the show, or if they had been written and/or played differently, InkPa would have stolen all my attention, to be honest.

Favorite character(s)

Pran. I don't have enough energy to elaborate right now; it couldn't be anyone else but him.

Favorite episode(s)

Episode 5 and episode 11, but to be honest I love pretty much all the episodes immensely. I guess my other faves are episode 8 and episode 4.

Favorite scene(s)

My favorite scene in the entire show is the rooftop kiss in episode 5, but my favorite PatPran moment is the balcony scene in episode 8.

One thing you would change about the show if you could

Oh, well. I would definetely have the whole Wai-curtain drop thing be handled differently. I love Wai! And I think that what he did was totally IC (and Bad Buddy being set in a universe without homophobia doesn't make it as bad as it could have been otherwise), but I think the narrative needed to be more clear about who was at fault there (definitely not Pran).

I wanted Ink and Pa to kiss. They deserved it.

I wanted tongue (or at least... Idk... open mouths?) in PatPran's beach kiss. (I wanted the scene where Pran bit Pat's lip that was filmed but that they chose not to have in the actual show; what a shame.)

I wish they didn't add the cringey, unrealistic crime subplot in ep9; like, I'm even okay with Pat getting shot, but everything that followed should have been handled differently.

What are some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

Oh, God. This is hard.

FAN FICTIONS

Just to be fair, I'm going to link my AO3 bookmarks page, because all the stories I bookmarked are amazing and they deserve to be here. I'll try listing a proper top 5, but I'll be definitely forgetting a lot of amazing fan fictions, not to mention I'm currently trying to read all Bad Buddy's fics starting from the very bottom of the AO3 section, so my bookmark page will be updated constantly.

The Fine Line Between Hormones and Home

traffic was slow for the crash years

Dynamic

Hands on My Body

I'll fight their doubt and give you faith

(+bonus) Don't worry

VIDEO EDITS on YT

My all time favorite one was tragically deleted a couple of months ago; my top3 is currently this one:

Message in a bottle

Heat Waves

Gives you Hell

(+bonus) A Thousand Years (currently not up on YT, but will be again soon, and then I will link it)

Needless to say that there are so many more I'm in awe with, but then the list wouldn't end, so I just had to choose some favorites.

VIDEO EDITS on IG

Don't blame me

The 7 things I hate about you (version 1 and version 2)

Loverboy

Just keep breathing

Atlantis

(+bonus: this is really just a love letter to the show and it hit close to my heart)

There are a couple others about them as individual characters and of InkPa that I really loved too, but to avoid listing too many I'll just link my saved posts on IG.

FANARTS

There are countless amazing fanarts of Pat and Pran, but my favorite BB artist is probably @hereforlou, because her style is just too cute to be true and her portrayal of the characters is always so IC.

(If you create fanworks) What are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

I made five video edits focused on Bad Buddy, but I don't really like any of them, except maybe this one, which is some sort of tribute I made to the show as a whole.

I made tons of mep parts focused on Bad Buddy/which included Bad Buddy; I made more than 100 parts since I've started video editing about two years ago, and at least 60 of these have something related to BB in them; the point is that I only really like few of them. One day I will upload a collection with just my favorite parts and I'll get back here to link it.

I wrote five PatPran fan fictions in English (although I only actually like three of them) and five PatPran fan fictions in Italian. My favorite in English is I wish I were her; I'm kinda proud of this one, to be honest!

A song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

I PatPrannize every song I listen to... literally so many songs have me screaming 'Oh my God, this song was written for them!'.

Some classic forbidden love songs like Rewrite the stars or Secret love song, one that's super sweet and I think captures PatPran's spirit a lot is also Enchanted, then you have Angel, baby which also fits them a lot, Exile is also very PatPran coded, a lot of angsty songs are made for them, in all honesty.

Idk anything else you want us to know?

Yes: I've been obsessed about Bad Buddy since the day I watched it for the first time and have never been able to recover since then. Also: I loved the OS2 special episodes.

[the-cryptographer]

WIP Wednesday/Whenever

So @ephemeronidwrites tagged me a couple weeks ago to share a snippet of a WIP. Consider yourself tagged back, and would like to tag forward @blue-eyes-white-privilege69 and @tinygigas, if you'd like to share something you're working on :')

Been working on a lot of things on and off (still mostly dragon age orz) but I guess one of the ones I'm more proud of (and least sure of when I'll be posting) is- finally decided to try my hand at Carrill. As a certified Carver-torturer(tm), I think there's a bit of an untapped potential in Carver getting the exact girl he wanted, and then realising that she's... you know... Merrill. Not the Madonna he imagined, not fixing any of his personal issues with resentment or feelings of inferiority, in fact causing more problems for him because now he has to devote energy to learn what 'flat ears' and 'cultural imperialism' and 'spreader bars' and 'safewords' are. Um, also Carver is disabled here. So that adds an extra dimension or twelve.

So here's a snippet of them being cute-ish after pillow talk. Bit nsfw if mentions of ejaculate squick you.

“Are you sleepy?” she asked. “Exhausted,” Carver exhaled. His hands were free from her restraints now. He drew them against his chest. Merrill pressed a warm washcloth over his body. “You have to be up again early in the morning, right? Because everyone wants their bread early, and would be very upset if you got it to them late, right?” She kissed his forehead. “Did you want me to put you to sleep, lethallin?” He kind of did. Maybe she’d sleep next to him. He reached out for her arm. “Oh, but your brother and everyone will be very worried if you don’t make it back to the big house in Hightown, won’t they?” Merrill pulled away absent-mindedly. She crossed the room, and tugged down an overcoat she had hanging over her mirror. Wrapped it around herself, over her shawl. Another layer between her and Carver. “I’ll help get you dressed and walk you back, lethallin. It would be terrible if we kept everyone up all night, worried about what happened to you,” she asserted. Carver didn’t give a shit. If Aaron was up all night, worried about what happened to Carver, then it served him right. Carver didn’t need to his brother looking after him like he was a child. “You don’t have to,” is all he told Merrill, though. “Oh, no, that’s silly,” Merrill said. “I know the Hahren said those hooligans that are always graffiting up the vhenadahl stole your cane and gave you all sorts of trouble last time you visited. And anyhow, I’d like to walk you home, vhenan.” And who was going to walk Merrill back down to the alienage then? But he already knew the answer. Merrill was a blood mage, and a member of his brother’s highly revered murder squad. She didn’t need anyone to walk her home. Carver grumbled. But his mood improved, once Merrill had helped dress him and fetched his cane. Even though she’d cleaned him and rubbed salve into where she’d gotten him sore, she hadn’t cleaned herself. So she walked him all the way back to Hightown with his cum still on her leggings. And she held his arm, and chatted about sweet and nice nothings as they went – the shape of the clouds in the night sky, and how colourful the street lanterns were, and what the ideal set of horns on a Qunari was. And when they got to the front of the Amell Estate, she kissed him on the lips and said she loved him. So it turned out they were officially an item after that.

[todayisafridaynight]

WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie

I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!

thank you so much ♪(´▽｀) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.

i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽｀ ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️

ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing （；´x｀） but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽｀;;; )

when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.

that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.

i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )

alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)

[lancerious]

Saw this post, wanted to answer it, yeah lol

Lancer & Spade King (shocker), each in their own ways. Almost nobody hcs these characters exactly how I do therefore everyone else is automatically wrong (jk you do what you want within reason lol). Those are the 2 big ones, I can't think of many other characters to put here

As an aroace I am obligated to not reply to this one :P

I don't want to push any buttons here, but I DO NOT like seeing fanart depicting Lancer & Spade King in animalistic fashions. Idc if they mostly resemble their canon selves or if they're something else entirely, this gets on my nerves either way. Really though, I'm against any characters having an "animal-ification" if they're not explicitly resembling an animal

I don't block people rly often tbh, I mostly block bots lol. I usually block people who are overly clingy, if anyone at all. That's as specific as I'm getting :P

Idk man, I don't actively seek out bad Discord servers

Ship FANS? Can't rly think of any, I tend to stay as far away from the shipping portion of any fandom as possible. I can think of SHIPS I hate, but not shipping fans

Noelle. I'm sorry y'all, I terribly dislike Noelle at this point ONLY because of how popular and adored she is. She takes attention away from TONS of other characters! That's not right. I kinda feel the same way about Spamton, but to a lesser extent

Spade King is a irredeemable character. I bet the ONLY reason people say this is because Deltarune isn't finished yet. I've said it before and I'll say it again, other characters have done FAR worse things and are still treasured characters. There is hardly ANY basis behind this opinion

I think the fact that I can't think of anything to say here after a few minutes proves there's not a lot I dislike about canon, at least when it comes to Deltarune which is what I'm basing my answers on

Does the over-popularity of maybe 3 specific characters at any time count here? Because if it does this is my answer 100%, I HATE THIS TREND

Had to look in my settings for this one lol, I'll list all my Deltarune-related filters: #lancer rpg (<- may seem weird but people who post here don't talk about the Deltarune Lancer at all), #noelle, #noelle holiday, #queen deltarune, & #spamvil. I'm considering getting rid of the "#queen deltarune" tag since this was added when I wasn't keen on Queen, whereas Idrc much about her now

Uh, SPADE KING? HELLO? Who else should I put here, Lancer? Yeah it's these two again, don't be surprised. I would say more but I think most who see this get my points already

Uhhhhh I have literally no idea, I don't follow blorbo stuff too closely

I admittedly don't read a lot of fanfic so I don't know what to put here either  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

See number 3, alternatively I also see a smaller trend of people having Spade King & Lancer be thinner than they canonically are which I also disagree with

Headcannoning Lancer as being too old or too young. Imo, 6 or younger is too young, while anything above 12 is really pushing it. I even think 12 is pushing it a bit, but I can accept it

PEOPLE WHO DRAW LANCER & SPADE KING HOW THEY ARE CANONICALLY. Yeah I know I keep bringing this up, but this is one of my largest issues with both characters, ESPECIALLY Lancer

Dare I mention Spade King & Lancer again? Yeah I'll just stop here

Idk, Spamton maybe? I was against his character for so long because he was SOOO popular (still is lol that hasn't changed about him), but it does kinda irk me that I like him a decent amount now. My opinion of him has definitely gone down since I last ranked him, but still. I guess I was worn down or something again Idk :P

Idk man

Oh boy, I think I'm gonna have to say Suselle. This is LARGELY due to me generally not giving a literal damn about ships, canonical or not. And it definitely seems like Suselle is--or at least will later be--canon. Sorry ship lovers, I don't see eye-to-eye with you on this one

Not my fav part of canon, but the fact that Lancer is CANONICALLY PART OF THE FUN GANG. HOW DO PEOPLE MISS THIS. HOW DO PEOPLE FORGET TO ADD LANCER TO FUN GANG FANART SO MANY FREAKING TIMES. DO Y'ALL HAVE DEMENTIA AND FORGOT LANCER WAS THERE OR NOT?

Literally none. The only ship I can possibly think of is Queen x Rouxls, but I spend 0 time thinking about this ship, plus I don't even know the official ship title for this. This is the ONLY SHIP I have SOME positivity for. I either outright despise or feel absolutely nothing for all other ships

People arguing about Spade King and whether he's a decent character or not. Admittedly I haven't seen too much arguing on this, partly because most people I know online either love his character or are neutral on him. But I imagine this topic would lead to all sorts of chaos

Don't really have anything to say here tbh

Ok I'm done now :P

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

the character everyone gets wrong

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

worst discord server and why

which ship fans are the most annoying?

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

worst part of canon

worst part of fanon

number of fandom-related words you've filtered

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

worst blorboficiation

that one thing you see in fics all the time

that one thing you see in fanart all the time

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ship you've unwillingly come around to

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

[justkindabrowsing]

Screw it, Tumblr is a void meant to be screamed into, whether or not there are entities nearby to listen, so I'm just gonna start yellin.

I see posts all the time that will be like "Does anyone else [insert something apparently very human and everyone relates]?"

And the world replies with a resounding "Yeah!!"

And I sit here and stare at it because even if it's something common for neurotypical people, or something common for neurodivergent people, I still often fall outside the circle, and I had the same issues throughout my school life and have been seen as Too Different my whole life and--

When I so much as consider sharing my experience on the topic in the replies or whatever, or even consider reblogging and sharing my experience, I get hit with a wave of anxiety because I'm terrified I'm going to be treated the way I was treated back in school.

I think I mentioned forever ago about how "ack, how do I manage to have social anxiety on the internet?" (and furthermore how cyberbullies have the Exact Opposite Problem), and honestly I think I was too spot-on in my assessment.

I'm in a weird process of getting an AvPD diagnosis (I have no idea what that looks like on my psychiatrist and therapist's end, but we've been suspecting AvPD for weeks and despite our discussions and whatnot, I still don't have an official diagnosis, and idk I guess no one can tell me what's going on) and every time I look at what AvPD symptoms are like, and what it feels like and even just the general description of what it is gives me that "Oh no, he might be me" feeling because--

Oh no, he might be me.

All that to say, I'm so anxious and terrified of being rejected or even perceived in a negative manner that I legitimately can't even express myself openly online, even in a space as Delightfully Strange as tumblr.

I struggle to tag people, reblogging makes me feel physically ill, heaven forbid I try to send an ask to someone that isn't anonymous-- The most I've managed to be able to do is send a reply here or there, and even then I reread it a thousand times and ask myself over and over again if I'm really ready to have something "like that" (aka, a single thought) out for people to read and judge and be influenced by -- assuming they happen to be in that particular obscure corner of the internet to begin with.

It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to even be comfortable hitting the like button on posts, and I can only do so because I can hide what I like -- not because what I'm liking is embarrassing or wrong, but because I view myself as embarrassing and wrong, and if I poison someone else's work with my stamp of approval in a public manner, I have brought them ruin and humiliated myself, says my mind.

I need reassurance, man (<- gender neutral), and I am too scared to ask for even that.

I don't have a "moral of the story" or a real Reason for posting this. I'm just screaming into the void and trying not to cry because I'm tired of living like this and it feels like there's nothing I can do to get out.

Also writing all this down somewhere is good for me to be able to recite to my therapist later 😅

And as I said on a post once before-- I'm gonna post this and just- never think about it again -> and I say that because if I think about it, I'll cringe and hate myself over even this 💀

...Thanks for your time. Have a cookie 🍪

[shinxistudio]

Studio Thoughts 2024MAR01

I've been thinking a lot since first finding out about the MidJourney deal Tumblr is taking. I've been wanting to make this post for just as long. (This sounds ominous, but it's not.) (Cut for a giant wall of text. Massive rambling.)

I don't know what to do. I've made an infinite number of new accounts across all the different social media I can find. I had to make a sheet to keep track of all the different websites I've joined. The thought of trying to post and maintain 20 accounts minimum to cover myself depending on where people flee to is overwhelming. I'm already averse to updating the accounts I have now. It takes too damn long as it is. (I need to set up PostyBird for the love of god. It doesn't work on a lot of mainstream sites, though.)

I want to share my art, but I don't want that to mean that I'm giving up my rights to it so some fuck can shove it into his dataset to create images and act like they're superior to something made by a real human and the human experience. I've opted out of the 3rd-party sharing option that they gave us, but I know that doesn't mean anything without proof. If they were giving data over that they shouldn't have from private conversations and password-locked blogs, they're not going to give a shit if someone toggled a setting. The whole issue with these datasets is the lack of consent to begin with, so why would they stop Now. I don't even know why they plan to pay Tumblr for the data in the first place because how much of it has already been scraped before they decided to tie it up in a bow for them?

I hate that people just parrot "Nightshade and Glaze!!" as if they're not open-source software that the tech bros can reverse engineer with the available coding. (As well as being easy to remove/get around in the first place.) Not to mention the stupid amount of processing power to use them, if they even work on the type of art you're putting into it in the first place. Even if they worked for your art, they're not accessible to everyone. That's not fair to artists who don't have or can't afford the highest-end PC parts. And even if they Worked to prevent AI it would only be a matter of time before they Didn't, like the constant fight UBlock is having with blocking YouTube's new coding to prevent ad blockers.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling that the modern internet hellscape is just not meant for artists because the algorithms expect you to post as much as possible in order to get seen. I'm tired of artists finding a place to settle only to feel the need to move again and again because they just want their work and themselves to be respected. I miss old DeviantART when it was still a giant hub and community for artists instead of the shell it is today. I still see a lot of people still posting when I check in every now and then.

I don't know what the answer is, because I know data scraping for generative models isn't going away. I can only hope that it cannibalizes itself into hot garbage by taking in generated images that weren't tagged as AI. I would love it if all the wild shit people post on here could make the dataset completely unusable.

At the moment it looks like the only thing I can do is continue to watermark my art heavily and post low-quality versions. I've never had a large enough following to worry about art theft, but I can't control an all-consuming bot scraping everything.

I've been toying with the idea of making my own website and it's seeming more and more appealing. I've seen that you can make your own Patreon-adjacent subscription setup and have a pay-to-access feature. I don't know if that could help prevent scraping or if there are methods to get around that, too. Can bots scrape Patreon itself?

I'll need to update my LinkTree with all the other hundreds of sites that I'm on I guess. I was hoping that this long-ass post would help me come to some sort of conclusion or peace. I think I just gave myself more work to do. I also feel bad that my only other text post here is so hopeful, only to be slapped down immediately in this one.

TLDR: I'm gonna keep posting but like, I'm Not Gonna Like It. MidJourney Sucks. Tech Bros Suck. Ya'll can eat my entire ass.

[purplefnafpasta]

Introduction

Aka, I finally realized that i didn't make an intro yet, so I'll make one now. (Below the cut because I dunno how long this will get)

Gonna put the DNI above the cut though:

Anyone under 16 DNI thanks.

(Also, here is my ToS with an extrended DNI, as well as any other thing you may possibly need to know about usage of my art, designs or fanart, etc)

A little about me:

Hello! My name is Sam. However, I also commonly go by Wolf or Purple online. I am 19 years old, and I am a hobby artist. I don't really do art with the thought in mind to get big and popular with it. I would rather just make art for myself and then post it online for anyone who is willing to look at it.

I am mostly active on Toyhou.se or Discord. However, if you don't have either of those, then I am most likely to be reached on Tumblr. Here are my other socials, though, for anyone interested.

Username origin:

I came up with my username at around 2020.

Purple = one of my fave colors (i have 3 fave colors, purple, brown, and black. However, purple was the one that sounded the best when trying to pronounce my whole username)

FNaF = fave game at the time (still fave franchise, though I prefer Hollow Knight as of right now)

Pasta = my favorite dish at the time (by now, it's ramen)

Nickname Origins:

Sam = is my name, not a nickname lmao

Purple = because people commonly use that for a short version of my user (who tf would wanna say/write my whole username, anytime I am mentioned in a convo, lmao)

Wolf = I can't actually remember where that nickname comes from. I just know that at some point, I always got called Wolf (mostly on Discord), so I just ran with it, i suppose. My best guess is that it happened because my fursona is a wolf.

What kind of art I'll post:

I am by heart an OC artist, meaning I draw and post mostly my own OCs, or art I made of someone else's OC(s). I rarely ever draw fanart, but who knows, maybe ya'll will catch me do some fanart (on rare occasions).

I usually draw animals (anthro and feral). However, recently, i have been attempting to draw more human/oids to better my art skilly for those as well.

I may also draw my spin on what the Warrior Cats look like. Because why not, I love the book series. (meaning i won't stick to drawing realistic cats, since i just design em what i vibe with, but i'd explain that in detail in my first warrior cats design that i'd post)

I may attempt drawing some more complex/detailed chars (like robots or smth). However, i also aren't too great with that, so please bear with me and my (slow) learning progress. (Yes, I am a slow learner)

What can you DM/PM me for?:

Commissions (if they are open, however I prefer taking that to discord after the initial DM where you ask to commission me!)

Trades (if they are open)

Asking for toyhou.se invite codes (if i still have some left, which I do currently btw. please use the codes i send you within 48 hours, or i'll give it to the next person who asks, i don't wanna have to wait months for someone to just make an account- i can see when a code is used and when not btw!)

Asking me about my art or my ocs (be aware that I easily drift off and start to rant though, lmao)

What should you not DM/PM me for?:

Touhou.se coding issues. I give away invite codes. I have absolutely 0 clue how to code, so I can't help with that, you can check in Toyhou.se forums for help though, I am sure there are quite a few who are willing to help you!

Asking me to message someone who had blocked you for you. (I am sure the person who had blocked you had their reason, and I do not feel comfortable acting as an extension for you to message someone who blocked you.)

Venting/ ranting about something. Just do not, please. The only exception is, if I know you already.

Can I send you an ask?

Yeah, go for it. I just can't promise when I'll see it.

How can we find your art easier between all of the reblogs you make?

I will try to implement the "PurpleFNaFpasta's art" tag to all of my art pieces, so if you wanna find my art between the reblogs, you should be able to find them with that (hopefully).

[Edit from March 18th 2024]: i have also implemented a new tag as well, if you are looking for random funfacts about my oc's, this tag is where you will find them: "Purple's Random OC Funfacts" [Edit from September 16th 2024]: Changed my age from 18 to 19 in my intro lol. Birthday moment xd

[seldomscilence16]

Whumptober Day 19:

"I'll take one final step, all you have to do is make me." 

Floral Bouquet | Phycological | "I'm not as stupid as you think I am." 

Fandom: Tmnt 

Prompts used: kinda all?

This one was a little rushed, a little rough, because I'm paranoid enough as it is thank you. I mushed together the bits and pieces I know of the different tmnts here so you can picture a little of everything I guess. I didn't use a lot of context, but I can give some if anyone wants any. Also, the flower language is from a specific list of them I found, and is probably just confusing, but my brain made me do it.

TW for Stalking and mortal danger by an entity? 

…

The floral bouquet is dead and rotting, gnats flying around the shriveled petals, it could have been considered pretty once- if not a seemingly random arrangement- but Mikey, an artist who appreciated color and nature, was more concerned about how it ended up here, on his bed. 

Mikey's heart beats wildly, realizing how out of hand this may be getting. It had started simply, with the occasional feeling of being watched when he and his brothers were out doing whatever, but it always went away when he went to mention it to his brothers so he assumed it was just a very dedicated animal or something. But then it had been little notes by some of his street art, it could have been flattering if not for the undertone of obsession Mikey felt from the words. And now, in his secret studio- an abandoned train car he'd claimed to get some peace- he finds a dead bunch of flowers on the bed he uses when he's too tired to head home. 

If they figured out his brother's patrol route and favorite spots, where his tags are around the city, and now his secret studio, did that mean they also found the lair?? The security around the sewers was always improving- between Leatherhead and Donnie's brains and Leo's paranoia, it was an ever updated thing- but even though Mikey's studio was closer to the surface- on a closed off track of course- it was still technically the sewers. And far too close to the lair for Mikey's liking. 

If his family was found… it would be all his fault, simply because he didn't say anything. He had to be in way over his head, he should have at least told Leatherhead, he always knew how to make Mikey feel heard and then maybe if the croc was convinced they could have brought the issue up together, but now… 

No, he had his Tphone, he may not be able to go back into the sewers, but he could call… it was serious now but would his brothers believe him? He pulls out the device, eyeing the doors to his subway car anxiously, it rings for only a couple moments, 

"Michaelangelo, how are you?" Leatherhead's smooth timbre fills his ear and he feels his chest ease, if only slightly. 

"Hey LH, I uh… need your help." 

He explains what he knows, practically feeling the tension growing on the other end of the line. 

"I'm assuming you haven't spoken to your brothers yet as you called me with this?" There's no judgment, like Mikey is used to. 

"Not…yet. This could all be nothing, or-" 

"Michaelangelo, for all of you and your brother's antics, this is not that. You said you are in a closed off subway tunnel, can you give me an approximate location? I will see if my scanners can reach that far, I may be able to see any disturbances. I will also check the cameras for any movement near our homes, rest assured." 

Mikey lets out a long sigh, 

"Thanks Leatherhead." 

Mikey's eyes are drawn to a poster April had gotten him a while ago, when he'd learned that flowers had their own language it had intrigued him into wanting to learn- he may not be able to buy flowers but he could paint them for his family anyway. April had been nice enough to get him a vintage poster with a list of flowers and their meanings. His heart rate picks up again, ever so slightly, as he walks closer, finding red smudges on the laminated sheet over several flowers. His eyes flicker to the bouquet. 

Acacia, Balsam, Bluebell, Dock, Geranium, Jonquil, Maiden's hair, motherwort.

Concealed love, impatience, I will be constant, patience, I expect a meeting, I desire a return of affection, discretion, secret love. 

"Michaelangelo!" He startles, raising his phone again, having lowered his hand in his horror. 

"I'm here. Sorry." His voice sounds off, strained, he takes a shaky breath.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" From the sounds of it, Leatherhead had been trying to get his attention for a while. 

"I think I'm in trouble." He snaps a picture of the poster and sends it to the croc, alongside a photo of the dead flowers for context. 

It's quiet on the line for a moment, and Mikey's shoulders are tense enough to hurt as his eyes dart around his studio, trying to find anything else wrong. 

"Michaelangelo-" a ding cuts off whatever LH was preparing to say and an intake of breath is not helping his shoulders, "I wish to remind you, that you are a ninja. I have alerted your family, but as of right now I need you to remain calm, understood?" And Mikey takes a breath, because the croc is right, "My devices have caught movement near your location. It is not one of our known allies. You need to move, and keep moving, until we can catch up with you. Keep your T-Glass on you, we will track you, we will find you, just remember your training." 

Mikey knows that means he has to put the phone down. Knows that he has to move, alone and being chased by someone with an obvious obsession. 

"Alright… don't be late." Mikey tries for joking, but the tension has reached his throat. 

"You can do this Michaelangelo." 

He tucks his phone away, the words ringing in his head, the conviction in the statement calms his heart as he falls into stance and runs.

"Leatherhead, we're tracking Mikey's location, but what exactly is going on??" Leonardo is in the lead, T-glass down to give him directions. 

"I'm afraid he has garnered some unwanted attention. A stalker, a dangerous one it sounds like." 

"What?? How da heck does that happen??" Raph nearly stumbles at the news, keeping Donnie from tripping as the distracted turtle looks at his wrist hud.

"Youre saying Mikey's been dealing with this long enough to call it a stalker??" Leonardo's heart aches at the thought- whether with anger or hurt he couldn't tell you.

"I can't find whoever it is on any of our cameras, but the scanners have them right behind Mikey. I don't like this." Donnie looks up from the hud so he can go faster, Raph and Leo doing the same.

"I am coming from the other direction, I have notified April as well. She and Casey will provide support." Leatherhead explains, and they can hear a splash on the other line. 

"Sensei's been alerted just in case, he should be heading back now, but I'm hoping we wont need him." Leo pushes his legs faster, eyeing the dots on his display with a knotted stomach. 

"Leo we have no idea if this is a Yokai, Mutant, or one of our many enemies, how are we supposed to prepare-" 

"Dey're after our brotha Don, we'll be prepared." Raph interrupts, fists clenched and eyes burning with determination. 

"Right… you're right." 

"'Course I am."

The sewers are more of a maze than anyone topside could ever know, Mikey's pretty sure half of this wasn't part of any human made construction, but what does he know? Well he knows he's most definitely getting himself lost, his T-Glass may be showing his location and the detectors around the sewers are definitely picking up disturbances, but he can't say he recognizes where he is with any confidence right now. He's moving on instinct at this point, just keeping whoever this is away from the places they need to stay away from, but that results in unknown territory.

His feet hit air, and only years of training in dark tunnels keeps him from falling, shoulders straining for a new reason. The flashlight on his T-Glass turns on to shine below, it's not too far but a wrong move could mean a bad ankle at best. He looks back up, prepared to pull himself up, when his light shines directly on a face- if one could call the grin split shadow a face. Mikey screams, pushes off the ledge and does his best imitation of an armadillo in his landing. He's positive something cracks and he doesn't know if he prefers it to be a bone or his shell. 

He finds a pipe to press his shell against, light illuminating the space in front of him. He knows he should turn it off and use his ninja skills, but Mikey has a feeling that may not be his best bet here, and for once he's gonna listen to said feeling- no Bro's to yell at him yet. A chuckle echoes around the space,

"That was quite the chase my dear rose." The voice sends a chill down Mikey's spine, it sounds like one voice overlapping over itself like an echo of a creaky door. 

"Who are you!? W…what do you want!?" Mikey is out of breath, a terror gripping his chest that doesn't allow any room to catch it. 

"Balsam. Bluebell. Jonquil." 

(Impatience. I will be constant. I desire a return of affection.)

"Well, I don't return your affection! It's creeping me out dude! No means no!" Mikey may never be able to look at a flower again. 

"Furze. Eglantine. And if need be, locust. Nightshade. I shall parsley." 

(Anger. I wound to heal. Affection beyond the grave. Bitter truth. Feasting.) 

"S-stop hiding behind flowers! I don't care what you want, I'm not gonna do it!" 

"Love in a mist. Dogwood? Phlox, jonquil!

(You puzzle me. Am I indifferent to you? Our souls are united. I desire a return of affection!) 

"I don't know what you're saying dude, but the answer is still NO!" Mikey still cant see him, cant hear his movements, can feel his eyes- though he hadn't seen them, only a too wide smile…

"Then I will wound, and you will heal of this!" The shout rings out as something comes from the darkness, Mikey rolls sideways as a spike impales the pipe where he'd been. 

"Cowabummer…" Mikey mutters to himself, heart in his throat. 

"Your wits may fall short, but I will have you!" 

The statement hits different for some reason. Perhaps years of being the dumb one have stacked too high, or his anger has built up too much, or maybe it's because his being cant fight back against the words with the false hope of 'family jokes around. They love you.' To quell the hurt of each insult. This guy is not family, he is a creep that's been following him for weeks, who wants him for something- claims to love him- and yet calls him low on wits and tries to frickin stab him?! 

"You are a hypocrite dude! And I'm not as stupid as you think I am!" Mikey does three things in quick succession. 

A flash bomb lights up the space in one quick flash, in the brief moment he spots the shadowy gooey form he throws a prototype of a 'paint bomb' he'd been working on, and three shuriken. The light fades before he can see if they hit, but an earsplitting shriek fills the echoing cavern he's found himself in. 

"Furze! Locust! Parsley!"

(Anger! Affection beyond the grave! Feasting!)

A flurry of spikes flies from the darkness, he dodges, wincing at each hole added to the hopefully unimportant pipe. Two pikes come at once, knocking him off his feet, his head smacks into the ground, the light from his T-Glass flickers and dims, his head spins as something wet slides down the side of his face. 

"Eglantine." He's flipped onto his shell, a wave of nausea hitting him, "Orange flower, you are mine now, I'll take one final step, all you have to do is make me. Jonquil."

(I wound to heal. Exhilaration and fervor. I desire a return of affection.")

The face swims in his vision, two endless hallows where eyes might have been, that face splitting grin has gone feral, and the body it dangles from is huge and blobby, with a wide gaping mouth full of too many teeth embedded in it. Mikey is reminded of a video game mimic, except this one has embraced its horrible self. 

"Never." 

Another screech fills the space, the wide maw of below coiling up like a spring ready to release, Mikey braces himself-

"RAAAAAAHHHHH!!" A battle cry, oh so familiar, interrupts several bodies- though that could be Mikey's split vision- barrel into the thing and Mikey takes in a full breath, not having realized it was crushing his plastron so firmly. 

"Mikey! Talk to me brother!" Donnie appears above him, lit by Mikeys dim T-Glass as his own shines in his eyes for only a moment before adjusting. 

"Pink Variegated." He murmurs, hearing another shriek, though he can't tell if it's in response to him or the fighting, "Tired." He says louder, for Donnie.

(Refusal)

"We've got you now. Dont worry. We got you- Stay awake Mikey! MIKEY!"

His eyes blink open, squinted and blurry, taking in bright colored shapes to his left,

"I swear if those are flowers I'm disowning myself." He couldn't say if the sentence was comprehensible, but the sentiment must have been as someone chuckles.

"It's an edible arrangement. April thought it more fitting." 

"Nomore flowers." Mikey mumbles to the figure, flinching only slightly at the extended arm that comes towards him. 

The clawed hand is gentle as it rests on his head, warm and worn and familiar. 

"Rest my son. There are no flowers here."

[girlcalledwhatsername]

@themandilorian hope you don't mind me picking up these tags because I'm having a very similar experience right now. Personally I don't mind, or even quite like, being told that someone will read something I've written later. But I had seen it around a few times that people don't like to hear anything that might read as "I want this work to be finished" so I don't put that in when commenting. But what's scary about this conversation right now is that a lot of people are saying they "just don't see it as a compliment" and then going on to explain it in a way that makes such a comment seem malicious. Like you said, this doesn't feel like engaging in good faith.

Because even if I read all these people's views on why such a comment is fully rude I can only understand it for this particular comment and there's bound to be some other social cue I'll miss another time with another comment because I couldn't possibly have guessed how it can be taken maliciously (like I couldn't possibly have guessed for this comment before I read what everyone here said) and it will end up being torn down as something purposefully horrid, or taken in such a starkly different light from how I meant it. I love leaving comments and I do try to follow some common "do it this way!" things that people post, but I'm also one of those people who leaves much longer comments and whenever I see a post like this I realise that I no longer know which parts of those comments secretly have a much much worse meaning to others.

Someone mentioned it would be like going to someone and saying "I'll totally eat this cake when it's ready" and that why would you be saying that. But, I genuinely don't understand that? Do you not say stuff like that?

And again I'll reiterate that I have read this so I know now to not do a comment of this type but I also don't understand connotations leading that way so this just means there are more innocuous things I may be saying that people are taking in utter bad faith. Because again, lot of people are reading this as genuinely being in bad faith or that the author was right to clap back or that the reader in question actually doesn't care. It isn't being regarded in good faith whatsoever. [Side note, but also what I've talked about before, with autistic people never actually feeling fully safe in their interactions if you can't even handle the "didn't pick up on this social cue" part of autism and NEED to read everything as a personal attack]

And this is such a weird experience for me rn because other than being like, a writer myself and being a reader who leaves big comments and all that, I do also very much read WIPs, but I know my limits and it's very weird to assume that people not willing to read them but being willing to leave a comment anyway are being brats demanding a finished product. I know my memory issues start acting up and I have trouble following WIPs often. I had to abandon a lot of things I was reading halfway because I kept having to go back over and over because my memory is that bad. Now because I know this from people telling me this is Bad I tend to just not say shit and leave wips alone while I'm having those issues. But earlier, if I'd seen a work that I'm interested in and was actually excited about I'd have wanted the author to know I'd like to come back to it, that they have an interested audience, etc and I have no way of knowing if I could have framed it in the Correct Way to avoid offense, before I knew what was offensive (and again, the reasoning is still very varied and not making a lot of sense across different answers - much like with ANY social cues? Yk those things?)

Authors are well within their rights to hate some interactions and ik how discouraging it is when people don't engage with your work - it's not exactly an uncommon experience for me either, none of us are getting much encouragement. But like the tags said, it's also very discouraging as an autistic reader knowing that if and when I slip about on a social cue it'll be taken in the worst faith by, worryingly, quite a Large number of authors if these notes are anything to go by. And it also makes me sad to think there might have been people like me who didn't engage with my own works because they read some rules of engagement that scared them off.

Tldr; I've droned on for ages bc I don't know if I've gotten my point across. This isn't just about One Rule. It's not just about One Social Rule for many of us. It's about the realisation that such unspoken arbitrary rules can apply to a ton of what we've been saying and we will never ever know, and therefore we can't know if our comments would be taken in bad faith even if they don't say this stuff. For all that we talk about how the super long and regular comments are awesome we sure aren't willing to engage in good faith as a default

I've got a question about the general feelings? etiquette? of commenting on in-progress fics with "so excited to read this when its completed" or something along those lines. Because I personally like them, and thought they were generally well recieved and encouraging, aka I've seen authors replied positively. But then the one time I tried to leave a similar comment, the author basically went "I don't know why you comment if you hadn't read it." So, whats the general feeling?

Oof. This is one of those things that's kind of a crap shoot anon. Some authors will take it as a compliment, others will absolutely hate it. It all comes down to how that author feels about readers who don't read works in progress.

Some authors don't post their works until after they've finished writing them - or at least not until they have enough chapters finished that they have a buffer built up and then they can post on a schedule. Other authors post each chapter as they write it.

In either case (but maybe more so for the latter group), authors rely on getting feedback as they post a work in order to know that the work is being received well by its intended readers. If there's silence (a lack of kudos or comments), the author might decide to stop posting the work. They'll assume no one wants to read it and therefore they shouldn't bother to post it.

For a writer in that mindset, someone saying they won't read it until the work is complete feels... bad. Like that person doesn't want to support you during the hard part (writing and posting) and is only going to show up when the work is done.

An even bigger factor, and one that could be in play no matter how the author goes about writing their story, is that comments are kind of a big deal to most writers. They're few and far between and each one is precious because it's a signal that someone is reading and they care and they're telling you that they're reading and they care. But your message explicitly says that you're not reading (yet) - which some authors may take to mean that you don't care, but which either way means that they saw that wonderful comment notification only for it to be "check back later".

Obviously not every author is going to feel this way about things, but I hope that by explaining why some might you can understand it a bit better? Some suggestions for other comments that might be more universally appreciated:

this is just the kind of fic I love!

this one's going in the bookmarks!

this is such a great premise!

All of which you might mean, but they leave out the part where you won't be reading the fic itself for weeks and/or months.

I will caution, however, that if you leave a comment like this when they post chapter one and you don't come back again within a couple of chapters, a certain percentage of authors (and it's not a small percentage) will assume that you loved chapter one and hated chapter two and that's why you didn't come back to comment again.