#also; this is probably okay to reblog; just try to keep it mostly informational if you need to?? still if you have concerns lmk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misc-obeyme · 3 months

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here to say i also agree with the other anon and love how you write mammon !! and if you do decide to finish one of those drafts, I'll def be the first to reblog! or at least I'd want to be lmaoo. I just love him so much 😭

I think I'm at lesson 73 in the game now?? I NEED to beat it before Tuesday, but my family is traveling tomorrow to mexico, and it's gonna be a long drive </3 minimum 14 hours, sometimes a full day if my dad naps. I'll have limited signal, but Google docs works offline so maybe writing time?! if I'm not asleep akskd.

also !! i wanted to ask if you have any favorite composers or music pieces? for research purposes of course 📝 👀

And I can't remember if you said you had a keyboard before you got the new piano, but if you do, what are the biggest differences? I'd imagine it sounds smoother and ... Crispy? (Is it hard to move a piano?? Like do they unscrew the legs to be able to get it through doors??)

you don't have to answer because I can totally google these things, but I also like seeing you talk about your piano akwkdjf

Hope you're doing well !!

- ✨ anon

omg, well maybe I will finish one of those stories... I had a handful of ideas from my last Mammon phase... okay, let's be real. I gotta stop calling them phases, the reality is that I just think about him a lot asdl;kdsfjkf. When I tell you I'm so obsessed with the Mams/Barb ship right now... it plagues me so much. BUT no my other ideas were x reader lol. And I don't know why I never finished them, I guess I got distracted? I think it was my OC's fault. In fact, I'm pretty positive it was. But even if it wasn't, I'm still blaming Arrie for everything.

AH you're SO CLOSE! I know I got really obsessed with getting through season four right before NB came out 'cause I was like, there is no way I am not having the full story before this new stuff starts! Anyway, I hope you're able to get there, even with the drive and lack of signal! I hope you have fun on your trip!

Hang on, you LIKE seeing me talk about my piano!?? I was like, man I must be so annoying about it lol. I'm happy to answer any such questions, but uh... just be aware you may be opening some flood gates!

OKAY I really rambled about this piano stuff, so I think I better put it under a read more just to save people from scrolling forever...

Now when you say composers, do you mean classical composers or more modern ones? Because if we're talking classical, the answer is Bach. Like that is a pretty standard response, probably. And maybe I'm a lil basic for being such a huge Bach fan, but I don't care. Beethoven was also excellent of course, but that guy was sooooo overdramatic, all his songs are like bombastic while Bach was like, nah it's all about keeping exact tempo. Most of my other classical music stuff is like... I have specific pieces from different composers that I like, rather than being really into one composer specifically. Like Mozart is great and all, but Fantasia in D is by far the best of his stuff as far as I'm concerned. OH but I do like most of Chopin's stuff, too. But nothing can top Bach for me asldkfj.

If we're talking piano solos specifically, though, you're gonna get mostly Beethoven. Fur Elise is like the classic piece that all piano students are taught at some point. Moonlight Sonata is another incredibly popular one from him. You'll also get a lot of Pachelbel's Canon in D, which is really boring imo. It can be fun to play if it's an unusual arrangement, but generally speaking trying to play that song puts me to sleep lol.

Now if we're talking more modern composers, my favorites are Ludovico Einaudi, Toshifumi Hinata, Alexis Ffrench, and Yiruma. This is like more modern piano solo stuff, though. All these people are still alive lol. But I love their piano music, listening to it really kind of informs how I play when I'm doing improv style stuff.

Though I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention classic jazz piano stylings, too. I named my piano after one of my favorites, Hazel Scott. Jazz piano is insane and incredible and it always blows my mind. There are a TON of amazing jazz musicians. And you'll get a lot of good piano players that are not in the classical style too and who tend to span genres, such as Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure if that's the kind of rambling you were looking for on that first question lol! But feel free to ask me more specific things if you'd like!

As for the second part of your piano related questions, I did indeed have a keyboard before I got the piano. However, it's important to note that there are many different kinds of keyboards. The one I had was bought used and even before that, it would've been an extremely cheap one. I think you can buy a new one for like $400? Mine only had 76 keys (as opposed to the full 88 a piano has). And there are keyboards that come with even fewer keys (like 56 or something?). These are mostly good for classroom situations or where you only need to say, add a bit of piano into a larger song with other instruments. They do okay as a replacement for a real piano, but they're really not made for that.

However, there are keyboards in the thousands of dollars that I think are more commonly called "digital pianos" nowadays that are made to replace a real piano. I've never had or played one of these, so I'm not sure how obvious the difference of the sound would be. That being said, I've seen them used in concert situations many times. So I suspect the most expensive ones probably sound pretty close to a real piano. Or at the very least, they act more like a real piano does.

My cheapo keyboard still had keys that could sense how hard you were pressing them. And this let the keyboard know if you wanted your note loud or soft. But honestly it barely made a difference lol. I would think that kind of feature would be much better and higher quality on an expensive digital piano.

Similarly, my keyboard had an option of "grand piano" as the sound the keys produced. Digital pianos also usually have a grand piano setting, so they might sound more like a grand piano even if they're just a standard upright. The Yamaha Clavinova is a good example of a digital piano. It can range from like $3000 to $8000 depending on what version you get.

So I can definitely tell you the difference between the sound of a keyboard like my old one and the piano I have now, but there are a lot of versions of keyboards that might sound better than mine did.

The thing that really informs what a piano sounds like is the strings inside it. When you hit a key on the piano, a tiny little hammer (sometimes two) hits a string that's tuned to that note inside the piano. So the main thing a keyboard lacks is actual strings. It's just playing the sound of a string that was being hit somewhere else and then recorded. And a real piano is also heavily impacted by the environment it's in. If you've got a piano in a small space, with a lot of stuff around it, it might sound a little more muffled than if you had in a larger more empty space. That's more about the room's acoustics than the piano itself, though.

I think I know what you mean about "crispy" lol! Like the keyboard has a crisper sound. And yeah, it does, and also it doesn't ring quite as well. I got a sustain pedal for my keyboard, so it was able to hold notes a little longer, but it's nothing like the way it works for a piano. The sustain pedal on my piano is really amazing, it'll hold that note for what feels like a million years lol.

The piano is more resonant, there's more space for the sound to be creating within the instrument itself. I have an upright, but it's a tall upright. This is so that there's more room for the strings, kind of like a grand piano but instead of the strings being horizontal, they're vertical. Grand pianos always sound better. And you can open them to make them even louder, too. You can open an upright, but it doesn't have quite the same sound. It's very close, though, and honestly most people probably can't tell the difference lol.

And yes, it is hard to move a piano! They have to be transported by movers who are specifically piano movers. Because there's a lot that can go wrong if they're not properly handled or packaged. They're also heavy, so you need two strong peeps to do it!

How they do it depends on the type of piano. An upright will fit easily through most doors, so they don't have to take anything apart. A grand piano, on the other hand, is obviously incapable of going through a door at all, so it does need to be taken apart. I think they do take off the legs, so they can turn the top part sideways and move it through a door that way. So the strings aren't too disturbed, since that's the important part. Famous bands and musicians that use real pianos on stage have a whole crew for this specifically. If they want to use their own piano, they have to have a piano crew to move it from venue to venue for them. Most venues have a house piano, but a lot of musicians are picky about this kinda stuff. If they've got enough money to hire a crew to move their piano every time, they probably do. And they'll need to have a piano tuner in there, too, because inevitably moving a piano that often is going to require it to be tuned after nearly every move.

Pianos do better if they stay in one spot for the most part. They settle into their environment, not just the room they're in, but the strings and hammers sort of acclimate to the amount of humidity in the air and that kind of stuff, too. Generally, if you're just moving a piano to a new location that's nearby, you should be okay. But if you're moving it across states or into new climates or different altitudes, you'll want to get it tuned within two months of moving it. It just takes that long for it to adjust.

ANYWAY. I'm sure you now have WAY TOO MUCH INFO than you ever needed about this stuff asdflkjf. I don't get to talk about it all that often and honestly I didn't realize I had this much to say about it lol!!

I hope some of that helped and I apologize for getting so wordy about it!

I am doing well and I hope you are, too! 💕

#I'm so sorry for this essay #I'm not even gonna tag this with om tags 'cause so much of it is just piano stuff lol #✨ anon #misc answers

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chekhovs-nailgun · 9 months

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welcome to my freak blog. i don’t use my real name here but my pseudonym is ares. just calling me chekhov is okay too lol. pronouns are he/him. i’m also acoustic and i likely have a lot of other mental and physical disorders but that’s not anyone’s business here. i’m not going to put any more personal information here because i’d rather not be stalked and found but if you dm me to be friends i give up my secrets very easily. lol

^ me (yes, i am bore)

my dni is pretty much just no minors. it’s dangerous for yall to be on either side of ship discourse before you’re adults. antis should not interact either, but either they already block the tags i put on here or they evade them intentionally, so, you know. tl;dr as long as you’re at least 18 and you’re chill i don’t care.

i’m taken by my beloved (ashes), we’ve been together about 3.5 years. this goes without saying, i doubt anybody will actually do this, but do not try to get in my pants unless you happen to be ashes.

this blog is mainly for things that i wouldn’t reblog to my main or any of my other sides (ie in-depth fandom interaction (mostly tcoaal since my other fandom preferences are pretty tame) and general pro-fiction topics. and fauxcest). if i follow you on my main you’ll probably be able to tell.

tags:

#chekhov’s prion disease: tcoaal

#chekhov’s glorified saw trap: danganronpa

#chekhov’s pastel horse: sf

#chekhov’s box: ask box

#chekhov’s beating heart: personal and/or anything that doesn’t fit in any other category

#chekhov’s cathedral: discourse

#chekhov’s butler: black butler

#chekhov’s cuffs: kink, typically like fauxcest, terato, cnc, lima/stockholm, stalking, just shit i wouldn’t post on my other blogs

#chekhov’s colors: moodboards (i’ll do requests (check if they’re open beforehand) but keep in mind i don’t know tons of popular media so they might not be great but i’ll be damned if it ain’t pretty)

playlists:

candy coated cannibalism - gravescest

no more quite yet. thinking about making a sallarry one tho 👍

#chekhov’s beating heart

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glacierruler · 1 year

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Bipolar 1 Disorder

So there have been a few people, who on this post, weren't sure what Bipolar 1 Disorder is. Keep in mind this varies for everyone, but I'll give you the medical definition, and what it personally feels like, for me.

Also feel free to rb with questions, or how these things feel/affect you, or just to spread awareness.

CWs: manic episodes, depressive episodes, hallucinations, delusions, intrusive and impulsive thoughts, suicide ideation and thoughts of suicide, car crash mention, medication

According to this website, NIMH Bipolar 1 Disorder is:

Bipolar I disorder is defined by manic episodes that last for at least 7 days (nearly every day for most of the day) or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate medical care. Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depressive symptoms and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible. Experiencing four or more episodes of mania or depression within 1 year is called “rapid cycling.”

Again, every individual experiences this differently, and this won't be completely true for all individuals, but this is a good place to start your research(I do not agree with all the information in this, but it's one of the most credible sources I have). And again, you should definitely do your research, not everyone experiences this like I do.

Okay, so most of this has to do with, or is tied to emotions and feelings. Which makes explaining it harder. But bear with me here.

First, manic and depressive episodes are two extremes. And like you can feel both at the same time, despite how polar opposite they can seem, but both of them are still two extremes.

Now manic episodes in particular are interesting, because like, for me, most of the time they're chaotic and happy. But there have been a few times where I'm irrationally angry. However, at least until I reblog this with probably more information, I'm going to focus on the more happy chaotic side of manic episodes, because that's the main thing I have experience with.

During these happy chaotic moods, these manic episodes, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I legitimately think laws don't apply to me, which is not a good thing. I'm more likely to act on my impulsive thoughts, and thoughts that would usually be intrusive, become impulsive. Like, for example, burning down a building with people in it, usually that would be an intrusive thought for me, but when I'm manic, all of a sudden, I do not care about human lives, and it seems like the most fun thing I could do(this is an example of where my mind could take me). So it takes what would usually be an intrusive thought for me and turns it into an impulsive one. And while my manic episodes don't usually last for a week(has happened a few times), they do get really bad. And I will be a danger to myself or others because of these episodes. I am also like so much more honest, because I don't see the point in lying, lying takes more effort than it's worth in these episodes, which is not great when you're closeted. Thankfully I am mostly left alone when I'm like this, and have never been asked about my identity during an episode.

And while yes manic episodes can be, and in most cases are, dangerous, I can usually do my best writing/painting/drawing during these episodes. I find that I'm more creative, with ideas flowing out of me, and as long as I'm sitting at my computer or easel, I'm not nearly as dangerous.

As for depressive episodes, those are different. Er... I don't think I can explain them very well tbh. But I'll try my best.

Depressive episodes are interesting, because they themselves aren't depression. Depression is a completely different feeling. Like, don't get me wrong, depressive episodes contain depression, but that's not all they do. Depressive episodes make it harder to do anything, but in a different way than depression does. Like, at least for me, with regular depression, I can still be objective about the day that I've had. Where as with depressive episodes that reasoning that I have with myself is like, taken away? And like, depending on how bad it is, it's harder to fight off certain thoughts. And these episodes can last a few hours to a few weeks for me. I'm not explaining it well, because it sounds like regular depression, but as someone who has regular depression and depressive episodes, there's a difference in the feeling. Like depressive episodes contain depression and the hardships that come with it, but make it worse and have a different feel to them. Like, with normal depression, I might think about killing myself, but I'll be able to tell myself no, and why I'm valued. With depressive episodes, the worst one I had I almost crashed my car on purpose, and it took everything in me to not do that. (And that was when I was on my meds, so I'm very glad I didn't have it while off of them).

Now, I experience hallucinations and delusions as well and while not everyone with bipolar 1 disorder experiences this, it is common. And like it's interesting because it can be caused by manic and depressive episodes, usually manic, but with me, it's more of an everyday type thing? Like, they're stronger when I'm manic, but I still get them when I'm not experiencing manic or depressive episodes. With the hallucinations bit, I'll see shapes floating in the air, or hear a few words loudly or even a distant conversation that I just can't make out the words too. Along with some sensory hallucinations, where I'll feel random stings or crawling sensations on my skin. With delusions it's more like I believe something that is so obviously false. One common thing that happens with me, is I'll believe I'm a literal disney princess, like I'm the daughter of Ariel or something. And again, when I'm manic it's worse than when I'm not. So like, a delusion that will usually take me a few hours to break out of, might take me a few days. And hallucinations that are more obvious, become harder for me to tell the difference between, say a see through figure on the streets, and what looks almost like a full body person. (Although it's usually shapes that I see, but I have seen what looked to be a person a few times even though there was no one there). And like, sometimes my hallucinations and delusions will team up, and to keep with the previous example, I will envision the dining room in my house as this big grand ballroom, even though it is literally not big enough to be as spacious as what I'm literally seeing with my eyes. The only hint that my hallucinations aren't real is they will be slightly see through, like, even the most vivid ones I can slightly see through, but some are harder to see through than others.

Again, just to reiterate my point here, this is what I go through. Not everyone who has bipolar 1 disorder will go through these like I do. It is NOT a universal experience.

#glacier rambles #sort of #bipolar 1 disorder #manic episodes #depressive episodes #depression #suicide thoughts #suicidal ideation #mentions of thoughts of suicide #mentions of suicidal ideations #i am not currently planning on killing myself i promise #the tags make more sense if you read the post i swear #hallucinations #delusions #car crash mention #medication

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spadescrewcoining · 2 years

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Hi! We're Spade we are a Traumaendo system who mostly makes hearts over @ijustwannamakeemojis but we also coin stuff on occasion! Our wife also posts here they are also a system and also our husband they just don't want to make their own blog and most likely won't do requests unless they really like them

Rules

[Normal text: Rules]

What we will do

Xenogenders

Name genders

Alterhuman/Nonhuman

Flag redesigns of our own flags

Flag redesigns if the original creator is okay with it

Pronoun flags

Emoji genders

Character genders

Plural related terms

Alteraffectis terms

Phosial terms

Gore/horror related terms

Aldernic terms

Objectum

Probably more feel free to ask!

What we won't do

Mental/Physical disabilities I have some mental disorders I just don't wish to coin terms or flags for them

Hetalia/AOT related genders

Name/pronoun help

Other

If you would like to inform us that we are interacting with someone on our dni, or to warn us, or inform us of bad actions another user has done, or anything similar sent us an OFF ANON, or DM message with proof.

If you want to inform us that only part of a claim is incorrect like "oh they aren't racist but they are sexist" don't. Unless everything can be disproven don't bother us with it we aren't going to post callout posts or names on our blog. This isn't the blog for that. Informing us of this stuff just means we block them if there is evidence. We aren't going to share any of it so saying 1/5 things is incorrect isn't going to make us unblock them.

"DNI"

[Normal text: "DNI"]

Not exactly a DNI since those never keep people away but if you are blocked it's probably because of conflicting views on this list

Anti Endo

Anti mspec gays/lesbians, ace/aro/aspec, pan&bi, PNC & GNC people

Racist

Terf/swerf/radfem

"hate all men"

Anti sfw agere & petre

If you demonize any mental illnesses

Anti Kin

About

[Normal text: About]

Hi! We are Spades Midnight Crow we collectively go by the name Spade and it/neo pronouns. We are a traumaendo system, monoconscious, over 100 members. Many of us like to collect genders and pronouns like dragons collecting their hoard. We switch between we/i fairly frequently but try to keep it all one or the other in a single post. If you wanna learn more about us or our other blogs check @sevastopolcrew.

Tags

[Norma text: Tags]

Asks: The crew replies ☆

New terms/coining: Cosmic creations! ☆

Wife terms/coining: Bimbo creations ♡

Reblogs: Found in space ☆

Blog changes: New update just rolled out ☆

Talking: Comms are on ☆

#intro post #pinned post #dni #byf #flag coining #mogai #actually mogai #mogai safe #mogai pride #term coining #label coining #xeno coining #aldernic coining #liom coining #the crew replies ☆#cosmic creations! ☆#found in space ☆#comms are on ☆#new update just rolled out ☆

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mtraki · 4 months

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I'm begging you to do your research on the holocaust and on the middle east before you continue reblogging islamist, antisemitic propaganda. You should be old enough to know better. Find a reliable source (hamasnik twitter and tumblr don't count) and read. Keep reading. Read more. Learn. And then maybe speak. You're causing actual harm, not only to Jews, but also to those you claim to support in this war you and your 'sources' have fandomized.

I considered just deleting this and moving on, but I think this is a learning moment-- if not for you, then maybe for somebody who ends up reading this. Hopefully it's one for me, too!

If you are trying to convince or inform, this isn't the way to go about it. You've come to my blog with a bunch of assumptions about me, my body of knowledge on the subject, my willingness to engage or be engaged on the subject, and then calling me to action with no incentive outside of your authority or approval. Except I don't know anything about you, either. Why should I care what you think?

Genuinely, you don't know me. If you did know me, you'd know that if you want to have a serious discussion, you just have to reach out to me personally-- which you'd know how to do. Because you'd know me. Because you'd know that this is my little tumblr blog where I mostly just post things I enjoy or find amusing. I don't really talk about myself, or the things I really believe in, struggles I'm having, or my life. Yeah, sometimes I do reblog other people's posts who make points I agree with on less light and fun matters. For example: I don't think it's a good idea or remotely excusable to blow up hospitals. I don't think it's okay for people in positions of power, who claim to be upholders of global justice, to pretend the relentless, systematic slaughter of civilians is acceptable. I think people have a right to food, and that any military or government that thinks withholding food from non-combatants advances a worthy cause, are wrong and immoral. I don't care about the religious or political backgrounds of either or any side of this. You don't know me. You don't know how old I am, actually. You don't know my experience or knowledge of the middle east, its history, or its political, cultural, and religious turmoil. You don't know what I do or don't know about the Holocaust.

And you probably don't care, either.

Now, honestly, I don't think you're a real person anyway-- and to be clear by 'not a real person' I don't mean to be rude or take away anyone's dignity or right to self-realization. I mean you're very likely a bot, or a shot-gun blast, copy-paste canned ask from a troll (that I shouldn't be feeding...). If you are not, then I apologize for my assumption, but you sure read like one. I don't know how I'm supposed to take you seriously and believe you want to have a dialogue about this important matter.

But then, you probably don't want a dialogue. You want to monologue. You want me to shut-up with my thoughts that are different from yours. Well, I'm not going to shut-up. This is my blog, I can talk about whatever I want (within the ToS). If you don't like it, you are welcome to block me, or my tags about the topic.

However, my Anon-friend, if you're serious about talking about this, come on back. Do your research, gather your sources. I'll do the same-- though you might not like how thorough I can be once activated-- and we can have this conversation. I do insist any claims you make come with sources, though, or I'll be forced to continue in my belief that you aren't even real, and therefore not worth having a reasonable conversation with.

#my mic #asks answered #israeli palestinian conflict

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geigercounter · 4 months

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PINNED POST — UPDATED AUGUST 31, 2024

✦ — hello! welcome to my main blog. my name's teegan, but i also go by reefs or geiger in online spaces. i'm 23 years old, genderqueer, and i use she/her pronouns. my personality type is intj. my page is multifandom, reblog-heavy, and occasionally nsfw. feel free to check under the read more for additional information about my blog and my interests. 🌵

MY INTERESTS

✦ — video games are my main interest and the usual focus of what i post and reblog here, but i also enjoy writing, roleplaying, and occasionally drawing. listed below are some of my favorite medias right now (sorted alphabetically), and what you can probably expect to see from me. i do my best to keep this list up to date and relevant. there are more of course, but these are the general big ones. don't hesitate to talk to me about my interests, fandoms, or whatever else, whether it be through inbox or dms. and mutuals, you can ask me for my discord if you'd like!

afk journey, ai: the somnium files, apex legends, arcane, baldur's gate 3, borderlands, fallout, god of war, league of legends, minecraft, overwatch, redfall, slay the princess, and the boys.

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

✦ — i always try to tag things accordingly so that it's easy for users to navigate through or filter out what they do or don't want to see.

✦ — this account is mostly sfw, but i do occasionally engage with suggestive or nsfw posts. "nsfw" as a term encompasses more than just explicit sexual content. other things that fall under this category that you may see on this blog include but are not limited to: non-sexual nudity, blood/gore, and overly vulgar text posts. i don't engage with or create this kind of stuff often, and when i do it's always in relation to fiction and never reality, but i'd still prefer it if minors and people who are overly uncomfortable with these kinds of things refrained from following me. please stay safe!

✦ — i unfollow and block freely. i will not hesitate to get rid of you if i don't want you around, but it's almost never personal. in fact, i encourage others to do the same thing. never feel bad for curating your ideal internet experience.

✦ — i am extremely anti-ai. this includes but is not limited to art, voice, music covers, and chat bots. i have zero desire to engage with people who utilize or are okay with these to any degree. i implore you to educate yourselves on the environmental and ethical concerns surrounding ai usage.

#teeg talks #pinned post #text

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griba · 3 years

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generik b is joining, hes live streaming hermitcraft.... buuuut why is he controversial?

ah, i didn't hear about that! i might assume you mean that's explicitly stated by other hermits too, but that's good to know. however, on the hermitcraft website, it already says pearl and gem are on the members list, but i don't see generikb atm, so ??? i'm not sure where you actually got that from, so forgive me if i'm being too cautious lmao

so. i wasn't actually around for The Drama. i had no clue this even had any depth other than "the founder of hermitcraft rejoining after forever" until it was brought up and someone didn't respond that well. my knowledge is very limited, so please take what i say with a fraction of a grain of salt

there was some concern over public/private information in the discussion i heard it from, but it was also a kinda heated moment, so i'll try to play it safe and be a little vague here and there.

i guess it boils down to just. generik and certain hermits having bad blood for a long time, with at least one hermit being significantly more vocal about it (but still toned down, clearly. the hermits generally know how to handle themselves as adults around Impressionable Audiences, and i'm grateful for that at least lol)

something else is that generik claims, a long time ago, he failed to disclose that one of his videos was sponsored (which is a requirement, he claims he wasn't aware, since it was a new feature then). (reddit comment here) someone said he brushed over a lot of drama in that comment. as far as i know, this is mostly mindcrack related, which is even further away from what i typically know about.

alsooo i heard cleo replied "no" under of of generik's tweets and deleted it shortly after, and i don't know if that was just paraphrasing, but it's kinda concerning??? (again, this is just secondhand knowledge, but that's pretty funny anyway lmfao)

and, yeah, the hermits are Adults™, but adults can still be petty, especially if this is related to personal things instead of fans. if it turns out to be all resolved, then cool!! i just don't want to jump around to all these conclusions every time i hear conflicting opinions lol

honestly though if you want any further details/sources, you're most likely better off looking for them without me lol, since. for the twelfth time (/hyp). this is really just "he said/she said" to me and i do not want to be anyone's main source of info for this.

(sorry if i repeated myself often in this post, i'm having trouble proofreading haha)

#and i assume all the info that person gave me is actually safe to share; but i really want to play it safe cause. yeah.#discourse mention #??#also idk how long this has been in my ask box bc i was playing ace a.ttorney for 4 hours 😔#also. i dont have twitter. i don't access twitter unless i know somethings currently happening #(like for updates on doc's kid or scar's announcement about 3rd life drama a while ago)#so i'd be one of the last people to get screenshots of tweets lmao #i don't think that person follows me here; but if i should delete/edit this in any way; tell me and i'll do so as soon as i can #gri ask tag #anonymous #long post #is it??? lol #tablet too big so this just looks Maybe A Little Long #also; this is probably okay to reblog; just try to keep it mostly informational if you need to?? still if you have concerns lmk #i don't want this to spread super far lol

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quaranmine · 3 years

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New World, New Faces

When the hermits moved to their new world, they were excited to welcome two new members. But maybe one is an old friend instead . . .

Grian hasn't seen Pearl since Evo. It's a shock.

No romantic relationships or content warnings. Mainly emotional hurt/comfort, but probably more emphasis on comfort. Hermits: Grian, Pearl, and Mumbo primarily with a little bit of Scar and Xisuma as well. Reblogs appreciated and AO3 link in reblog!

Words: 3893

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These days, Grian was pleased to say that the Watcher’s didn’t occupy his mind nearly as often as they used to. Except on certain late nights where he lay in bed and thought of before, his time was mostly spent having fun--scheming, pranking, building, planning, mining, laughing with friends. It wasn’t something he could forget, but the hermits had become his new home, and as years passed the edges of those memories had dulled a bit.

The other times where the Watchers occupied his mind were update days. Since joining hermitcraft, Grian had gone through several updates with the rest of the server. Sometimes they moved to a new world, and sometimes they stayed in their old one. No portals of bedrock ever appeared, but Grian always thought of them just the same. It always felt like maybe, just maybe, one day he’d turn around and see their signature portals once again.

Watchers didn’t always leave portals to update worlds. Grian hadn’t known that until he’d been put to work as a Watcher himself. Oh, the Watchers were still in charge of updating worlds, but they often did it more subtly, without grand towers and quests for portals. It’s hard to retain status as a myth when everyone knows your calling card, afterall. Admins always knew when it was time to update. Grian hadn't, back on Evo, because he’s always been told.

It turned out Evo had been different, and Grian didn’t know how to feel about that. Evo wasn’t the only world to receive special attention from the Watchers, but it was one of their favorites. Why them, though? Why did the Watchers keep such a close eye on their world in particular? Why were they left towers and clues and prizes and punishments, when other servers were mostly left alone?

Why did they kill everyone and kidnap Grian?

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

Grian stood in a group with the other hermits, eagerly waiting for the move to the new world. He bounced a little in anticipation. He was excited for the new update--he knew very little about its contents, but it seemed like there would be some new building blocks to play with, according to Xisuma.

He already had plans for the new world--new bases and new shenanigans. Grian was excited to build close to his friends. Xisuma had informed them that another update would come in a few months, and for the hermits to stick close in the time being so that new land would be freed up for the coming update. Grian had already known about the second update for a while, as all Watchers do, but he let Xisuma handle all of this as admin. Those days were behind him, now, and there was no reason to start exercising Watcher powers in a world that was carrying on just fine on its own.

“Is everyone ready?” Xisuma shouted over the chatter, trying to do a headcount. “Hey!” he shouted, trying to get everyone’s attention. Slowly, the chatter quieted.

“Looks like it,” said Iskall.

“Good,” Xisuma said. “Now, before we go, I wanted to remind you that we have two new people joining us this time. I’ve already made arrangements with them prior so they’re gonna be waitin’ for us when we go through.” He grinned. “Be on your best behavior for me, alright?”

“I’m always on my best behavior,” Keralis replied, and Xisuma rolled his eyes fondly.

Grian smiled, remembering his welcome to hermitcraft a few years ago. Unlike this time, nobody had been expecting him. Grian hadn’t been invited like these two new hermits had been, he had just been there when the hermits arrived on their new world. None of the other hermits knew quite why he was there, but they’d all accepted him graciously nonetheless.

Grian liked that memory. The truth is, he’d fled the Watchers and picked an uninhabited world at random, not realizing it had already been reserved by Xisuma. That was a failure on his part as a Watcher, because he was supposed to know about stuff like that. But he had been too busy running to worry about it and besides, there was nobody on hermitcraft to punish him.

The hermits had welcomed him with kindness and made him part of their family. Now he’d gladly do the same for these new soon-to-be hermits.

“Okay . . .” Xisuma said, typing something into his admin panel. “I’m just setting up the portal now.”

They were all gathered in the shopping district, right in front of the Town Hall. Grian took his chance to take one last glance around at the world. The diamonds in the trees glittered in the morning light, sending little reflective shards of light scattered on the ground. Moving worlds was always bittersweet, because it meant parting with the things he’d worked hard on and the places he’d made memories at. But it was also one of his favorite things to do, because it gave everyone a blank slate to work with, sparking endless new creativity.

“I wish I could take some of those with me,” chuckled Scar, as he walked up next to where Grian was standing. He pointed at the diamonds.

“Well of course you want them, Mr Mayor!”

“Uh-uh,” Scar said. “I’m not the Mayor anymore! This is a new world.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to see what we get up to in the next one, huh?” Grian asked. “Do you have any plans?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Scar teased.

“I guess I will.”

“Do you have any plans?”

“I don’t know,” said Grian. He thought for a moment. “I might make a cave base. I guess I’m waiting to see what’s out there for inspiration before I start.”

“Well, I look forward to seeing it,” Scar replied. “Oh! It looks like Xisuma is ready.”

Grian looked up, to see X opening a portal. It wasn’t a nether portal, nor was it like an End portal. It wasn’t a Watcher portal either, but an Admin one. Grian had come to realize that Watchers supplied Admins with the means to move into updates on their own when they wanted to. The bedrock portals and scavenger hunts were reserved for their favorite worlds--their toys.

Sometimes the Watchers liked to flex their powers, but the universe is not kept running smoothly if all your time is spent flexing. Grian brushed away the thought, choosing to focus on his friends in front of him instead.

One by one, the hermits stepped through the portal, which swirled light blue and hovered just slightly off the ground. Grian hung back, wanting to be one of the last ones through. He wanted to make sure everyone made it through alright, but Xisuma had to be the very last person, since he needed to close the portal. When it was finally his turn, he gave Xisuma a smile and walked forward.

Grian stepped through, into the bright sunlight of a village, and was surrounded by the voices of his friends.

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Spawn was a village in a grassland, next to a swamp and overlooking the ocean. It looked a little plain, but the hermits hadn’t left their mark on the world yet. Behind Grian, Xisuma stepped out into the new world and the portal vanished behind him.

Everybody was crowded around a ditch chattering, apparently exchanging greetings with the two new hermits that stood inside it. Grian held back for a moment, taking it in and basking in the sounds of his friends’ voices. Finally, he wasn’t the new one anymore--a few people had rejoined the server in the last world, but they’d all been old friends, not new ones. That had left him being the most recent addition, not that anything felt like it was recent anymore.

Grian was already thinking of ways to prank the new hermits and draw them into the life of the server.

“Alright Mumbo!” Xisuma said. Grian grinned. Mumbo was supposed to introduce them. Mumbo, of course, didn’t know this, because where’s the fun in that?

“Oh-oh me?”

“It’s go time!” Cleo said.

“This is it!” said Xisuma.

“I’ve clearly very obviously been put up to this,” Mumbo started. “And because everyone thought it’d be much funnier to have me bumble through it without really knowing what I’m talking about, and that is definitely going to be the case!”

The hermits chuckled. Grian walked around the back of the group to try to catch a glimpse of the new people below.

“We do have two new hermits,” Mumbo said, “down in this crevice.”

Grian caught a glimpse of red and brown hair.

“GeminiTay-”

Grian’s world stopped and he felt his breath catch in his throat. She had her back to him, but he’d recognize her anywhere. Her brown hair spilled out from behind a black hoodie.

But she’s dead.

Was this some sort of cruel trick from the universe?

“-and PearlescentMoon.” The rest of the hermits cheered at the announcement, giving the new members a warm welcome. Grian said nothing, his mind spinning a mile a minute.

There was no way it was actually her. The Watchers . . . the Watchers had killed her, and every other Evolutionist. Grian didn’t know why. He would never know why, because with the Watchers it was always “you can’t possibly understand.”And Grian couldn’t. When Grian had finally escaped them, he tried to go back to Evo. It was a foolish attempt, one that would certainly have endangered the lives of anyone there, but nobody had been left there and the buildings were all destroyed and overgrown with vines and Grian had been forced to conclude the heavy truth that all of his old friends were gone.

He didn’t remember what he did after that. He just ran.

Before he could stop himself, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “Pearl? Is that really you?”

She turned, hearing her name and--it was. It was her. Her hair had blonde highlights around the bangs now, but he’d recognize her anywhere, like her face and the faces of all the other Evolutionists were seared into his brain.

“. . . Grian?”

Grian just stared.

The other hermits had caught onto their mini debacle, and were watching them. “Grian, do you know her?” Mumbo asked.

“Y-yeah, I do,” he stammered.

“Grian?” Pearl shouted, and in an instant had scrambled up the ditch. She stopped in front of him, face pale and eyes wide, like she’d seen a ghost. Maybe he was a ghost, maybe he’d died the day they took him from Evo.

“Pearl,” he whispered.

Suddenly she threw her arms around Grian in a hug and squeezed. “Oh, it’s been so long,” she said, voice muffled.

Grian froze, but slowly reciprocated the hug. He felt numb and like he wanted to cry and scream at the same time, hands shaking, but Pearl’s warm embrace drew him back down to reality.

Pearl pulled away, blinked tears from her eyes and met Grian’s stare. Then, her gaze drifted further down, landing on his folded wings that peaked out just above his shoulders. Tentatively, she reached out to stroke a feather. “What happened to you?” she asked softly.

“I thought you were dead,” Grian said by way of answer.

“Well, I’m not,” Pearl said, and for a moment Grian almost didn’t believe her, and grabbed her wrist tightly, just to see if it was real. Pearl let him. “They took you,” she said.

Grian just looked at the ground, uncomfortably aware of how many people were watching him. Ironic, almost--he didn’t want them watching him so that they wouldn’t know about the Watchers. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the hermits. He did. He’d trust them all with his life a thousand times. He just . . . didn’t want to explain. The hermits were a good bunch. The unspoken rule was that you didn’t ask about anyone’s past unless they spoke first, and Grian knew they’d abide by that for him as well. But he could do without the turned heads.

“Alright everyone!” Xisuma shouted suddenly, startling Grian. “Let’s go, let’s get to work, this season won’t start itself!” Slowly, the hermits began to disperse, branching off into groups. “How’re ya gonna start the season if you don't chop down a tree? I’ll get to work protecting these villagers.”

Xisuma threw a glance over to them, and Grian mouthed a thank you. Xisuma just nodded, and left them alone. Grian was overwhelmed with relief at the admin’s gesture.

He turned back to Pearl.

“I-I can’t believe you’re actually here,”Grian said. He smiled and the moment he met her gaze, his eyes began to blur with tears.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” she cried. “When we got back from fighting the enderdragon you . . . you were just gone. They left a note for us . . . said it was necessary for you to be taken. All in rhyme, of course.”

“Of course it was in rhyme . . .'' Grian muttered, suddenly very angry. All the Watchers and their unknowable ways, always distilled down to some pithy saying. A life-changing event relayed to his friends in another stupid little poem. He’d written a few himself and despised it.

“I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again. Do you . . . do you mind if I ask what happened?” Pearl asked. “I’m just happy to see you here but I-”

“No, it’s alright,” Grian said with a sigh. “They took me after I fought the enderdragon, and said I was going to be one of them. I didn’t want to go but-well what could I do? So I went with them, and they promised to let me hang around the server. They lied to me, they never let me Watch Evo.” Grian paused, and felt the cool trail of a tear dripping down his cheek. “They later told me you were all dead.”

“Oh, Grian,” Pearl said, and pulled him into another hug, and that was it for him. He began to sob.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “It’s just a lot-”

“I know, I know,” she whispered.

“They-they . . . I didn’t enjoy it there. So I, I ran away. I tried to visit Evo but--there was nobody there. I figured they told the truth then, that you really were dead. I ran and found the hermits and I’ve been living with them every since, and oh they’re so wonderful but I could never forget-”

“It’s okay.” Pearl comforted. “I know, I know. We came home after finding the dragon and our place was ransacked, and we were given instructions to leave. And . . . eventually after we left, the group disbanded and we went our separate ways. But, we’re all alive.”

“Really?” Grian asked.

“Yes.”

“Everyone?”

“Yes.”

“Can I- can I see them?” he whispered. It felt forbidden.

“Of course!” Pearl exclaimed. “I’ve kept in touch with everyone, I’m sure Xisuma could help you visit if you asked.”

“Xisuma . . .” Grian thought aloud. “I haven’t told him,” Grian admitted. The admin certainly knew something was up with Grian, because players didn’t normally randomly appear in worlds they weren’t supposed to, but he’d welcomed Grian with open arms to the server and never asked a single question.

“I’m sure he would understand.”

“He would, but Pearl, I don’t want to put anyone in danger! I’m not supposed to be here!” Grian hissed.

“So then don’t tell him everything. Just say you want to visit some people. He’ll understand, I know he will,” she replied. Grian pondered it for a moment. She was right--he could just ask to visit someone. Other hermits did it all the time. Maybe--maybe a few server hops wouldn’t cause a problem. Maybe this was something within his reach, after all this time. The thought exhilarated him.

“But please,” Pearl added. “Please tell someone else, not just me. How long have you been hiding?”

Too long.

Grian didn’t answer, and the two of them stood there and listened to the crash of the waves on the nearby shoreline. The air was hot and salty, and in the distance he could hear Xisuma opening and closing doors in the village.

He didn’t know what he felt, it was like too many emotions had happened in too short of a period of time and left him burned out like a forest after a wildfire. His hands had stopped trembling, but he felt deeply tired.

Happy. You feel happy.

Grian’s communicator chimed from within his pocket. He withdrew it.

GoodTimeWithScar > Grian: are you okay

Grian smiled, and typed a response.

Grian > GoodTimeWithScar: yes

“Who was that?” Pearl asked.

“Scar. He wanted to know if I was okay.”

“Are you?”

Grian met her eyes. “I am now.” It was close enough to the truth. Grian shifted his weight between his feet, suddenly restless and tired from trying to process all this new information. “Speaking of other hermits, we should get going, yeah? We can’t let them get all the resources without us!”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she chuckled. The hermits had already spread out seeking resources, but not too far yet; Grian and Pearl could still see several of them talking to each other across the field.

“Pearl, before you go--” Grian started, looking serious. “Build next to me, alright? I...I want you to be around.”

“I promise,” she replied.

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“Why are you following me?” Grian knew why, but he wanted Mumbo to bring it up. He was torn--on one hand, he truly appreciated his friend’s concern. It was nice that others were looking out for him, a warm reminder of what their little community stood for. On the other hand . . . he’d really have just appreciated being left alone.

“You look like you have a purpose!” Mumbo exclaimed instead.

Huh.

Grian shook his head. “I’m just heading north,” he replied, shielding his eyes and looking up to see the position of the sun.

“I was just like, ‘Man, it looks like he knows where he’s going,’” Mumbo continued and Grian laughed.

They walked to the edge of the swamp, and began to cut down the trees. Starter tools were a necessity in a new world, and they had no stone.

“Ugh, I have to take down this whole tree, and then I have to replant it,” complained Mumbo.

“Wait-why have you got to replant it?” asked Grian incredulously, while getting wood for himself and not replanting the tree.

“Well I-I can’t just deforest things!”

This is going to be SO much fun to tease Mumbo with.

“Whatever you say, tree boy.”

They continued to work, getting wood, and then venturing into a shallow cave to get stone. The whole time their coms kept buzzing, buzzing, buzzing with combat death messages. Just another day in the hermitcraft world, thought Grian. Have they declared a spontaneous war up there? Either way, Pearl and Gem were getting the full introduction today, he thought with a chuckle.

Exiting the cave, they spotted a shipwreck not too far away, and decided to explore it. Grian pulled out a soggy buried treasure map, and they decided to go after it in a boat. Grian wanted to relax in the boat, to just breathe in the sea spray and try to calm his still-racing thoughts, but unfortunately Mumbo was the driver, and he was not a very good driver if you asked Grian. Grian had been tasked with navigation, which was a difficult thing when the driver couldn’t see the map you were describing.

The loot was good, and they divided it between themselves and then struck onward in the boat, this time with Grian commandeering the vessel. They looped back around to the shipwreck only to find a group of hermits that were a little too late to the prize. Pearl, Ren, and Doc were gathered around the boat looking a bit disappointed.

Mumbo and Grian decided to taunt them.

“Who got the loot?” shouted Ren.

“We got the loot!” Grian shouted back.

“Oh it was you guys,” said Pearl. Grian stuck his tongue out at her and cackled.

They looped back around to show off the Heart of the Sea, but Mumbo dropped their only diamond by accident and that was when Grian decided to steer the boat away before they lost any more valuables.

“I can’t believe you dropped the diamond,” Grian sighed.

“I was flexing too hard, I’m sorry!” cried Mumbo.

It was too comical, and Grian couldn’t be mad at his friend. They rowed on, closely following the coastline. After a few minutes, however, Mumbo asked a question.

“The new hermit, who we just saw with Doc and Ren--Pearl--is it. . . is it okay if I ask how you know her?” Mumbo spoke gently, knowing he was treading around a potentially sensitive topic. Grian knew the topic would have come up eventually, after he’d basically had a breakdown in public when he saw her.

Grian stopped the boat, and looked into the water, not at Mumbo’s face. “Yeah, I figured you’d ask. We used to be on a world together. The . . . the world I was at before I came here, actually.” It wasn’t the full truth, since he’d been to many worlds as a Watcher and had lived on the Watchers’ world for a while. But Evo had been his last home.

“Oh,” said Mumbo.

“We were friends,” continued Grian. “We were close. But I was told she was dead. Clearly, though,” he just simply gestured instead of finishing the sentence.

“Clearly she’s not dead,” Mumbo finished. “I see. Who told you she was dead?”

“Someone who didn’t have my best interests at heart.” Grian had never fully told his friend about what had happened before he joined hermitcraft, but the other man knew that it was a difficult past and had comforted him on more than one occasion--mostly after he’d first joined and the pain was still fresh. It had dulled with time and Grian had become more and more adjusted to his new life.

Seeing Pearl again was a miracle, but it sure sharpened the pain.

Grian rested his elbows on the side of the boat and pressed the heels of his palm into his eyes. “It wasn’t just her, either, they told me everyone on the server was dead. And-they’re all alive. All of them. It’s fantastic news, brilliant news, I’m just-”

“Thinking of the people who didn’t have your best interests at heart?”

“Yeah.”

Mumbo laid a hand on Grian’s shoulder. “I don’t know who they are,” he began, “but I know they’re not here now. You have us now, and you have Pearl here too. That all is in the past.”

Grian stared out over the water, watching as the sunlight sparkled and danced over the waves. “You’re a good friend, you know that right?”

“Well, I do try to be,” Mumbo chuckled. “Now-I think we should probably go pick up Scar over there, I think the poor man is going to drown!”

“Oh no!” Grian said, and scrambled for the oars, and then they were off.

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

When Grian, Impulse, Scar, and Mumbo created the Boatem Pole, Pearl was there to join them.

When Grian woke up in his makeshift camp the next morning, he was happy to see Pearl setting up her own starter base on the other side of the Boatem Pole.

When Grian showed up at Xisuma’s base two days later, he asked for permission to visit other servers.

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #grian #pearlescentmoon #hermitcraft fanfic #mumbo jumbo #hermitcraft season 8 #quara fanfic

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teletraan-meets-jarvis · 3 years

Text

What I Want - Part 2

AO3 Link

Chapter Title: What I Need

Pairing: Crosshair x fem!Jedi Reader

Summary: Following the awkwardness of the night before, you go to an old friend to try and process your feelings for Crosshair.

Click here for Part 1

Warnings: 18+, a bit more frisky business but not full on so rated 18 just to be safe. Swearing.

Word Count: 2.6k

Author’s Notes: You ask, you get!! Thanks so much for all the support and love for part 1 ❤️. As a thank you, I bring you part 2, I hope you enjoy! If this one takes off a bit as well, I do have an idea for a little bonus chapter around the Bad Batches' reaction. As always, feedback/comments are massively appreciated along with reblogs. Fic is below the cut off, thanks for reading!!

Taglist: @aerynwrites @shannon-lynn-21 @saltywintersoldat @tired-night-owl @wille-zarr

A comm alarm beeped softly, slowly pulling you out your slumber. Giving the device a sleepy glare, you shut it off and huffed back onto your bunk. Wrecker’s snores were echoing off the small ship barracks, you rolled your eyes at his sleeping form across the room as you swung your legs over the side of your top bunk. Below you, Tech slept soundly, he managed to fall asleep with his goggles on which were now sitting wonky on his relaxed face. He also had a datapad clutched to his chest, almost like a teddy bear, which made you chuckle to yourself.

You’d barely slept after getting back from the mission but being a General stopping over on Coruscant meant rest would be a pipe dream. Your alarm was set to get you out of bed and ready for the first of what you were sure would be a hundred and ten briefings today. You were always happy to shoulder the politics for the team, removing that burden from Hunter so they could keep to themselves. But today, you could really do without it.

You looked over at Hunter and Crosshair’s bunks, the former sleeping up top with an arm over his eyes. Probably to block out the few small coloured lights on the ship that shone from critical systems, preventing the room from being truly pitch black. You didn’t envy Hunter’s enhanced senses, they seemed to cause him quite a bit of discomfort when they weren’t on missions. You should probably pick him up an eye mask one of these days.

Below him, Crosshair slept with his back to the open room. One of the few times you ever saw his body relaxed was when he slept. You cringed as you remembered yesterday’s awkwardness with the sniper and mentally cursed at yourself for causing, what was, an easily avoidable situation.

Shaking your head you jumped silently off of your bunk, mindful to not wake any of the batch. You gently removed Tech’s goggles, placing them in their usual spot before moving over to grab some fresh robes and head for the fresher. Today was going to be a real drag.

—————————————————

“Hey! Look what the Lothcat dragged in” someone called after you as you trudged up the steps to the GAR Headquarters. You turned around to see none other than Anakin Skywalker jogging up behind you.

“Nice to see you too Skyguy” he chuckled at the nickname as he threw an arm around your shoulders.

You fell into companionable chatter as you made your way to your first meeting, the dark halls of the military headquarters looking indistinguishable as you attempted to find the correct room. Members of the Coruscant Guard patrolled the halls, nodding politely to you both as you strolled past.

Eventually you found the room where Mace, Plo and Luminara were waiting, along with some clone and human high command. You stood outside the door for a moment, readying yourself to seal your fate of being talked at for a solid eight standard hours.

Eventually you caved, mostly as you were on the verge of being late if you debated standing outside any longer. Begrudgingly, you sat through briefing after briefing. All the voices and different rooms blending into one grey blur as you tried to take in what information you could, but your tired and stressed mind was having none of it.

While it was nice to catch up with some of the other Jedi, you always felt a bit out of place among the perfect members of the council. More so now than ever.

You ended up wandering back to the temple with Anakin where you both retired to his room and you flopped down onto his simple bed with a whine.

“Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been off all day” Anakin was the closest thing you had to a brother, you trained as Padawans together and due to your similar age you became fast friends. You knew about his marriage to Padme and decided that if you could offload your dilemma on anyone, it’d be him.

“I fucked up” you groaned out from behind your hands.

“What’d you do?” Anakin replied in a playful tone.

“I might’ve got a bit hot and heavy with one of the clones in my squad, led him on and then cut it off” Anakin raised an eyebrow at your confession. “And now he’s pissed at me”

“Why?” You weren’t entirely sure which part of that entire thing he was questioning.

“Because I started the whole thing, I wanted it. Then all of a sudden I did that whole guilty Jedi, must follow every word of the order thing, gave him some pathetic look which said really sorry I can’t have attachments mate, hope you understand. He called me out on it before I could even utter the banthashit excuse and then he stomped off and hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“In his defence, seems like he was probably wound a little tight” Anakin replied with a chuckle which you just groaned at.

“He has every right to be pissed. Hells, I would be if the roles were reversed. Whats with this whole self-righteous act us Jedi have going on?”

“Look, it’s hard being a Jedi at the best of times. It takes an inhumane amount of self-control, which is why its not a path for the weak. But being a Jedi while at war… it’s a lot. You’re emotions are running high, you’re forming bonds with soldiers on the battlefield that you shouldn’t be, but none of us can help it because it’s uncharted territory. Maker knows I’d hunt down anyone who hurt Obi-Wan or my Captain. Yes, It’s not the Jedi way, but neither is fighting a grand-scale war.” Anakin’s eyes were alive with emotion as he spoke, be he quickly caught himself and then it was gone.

“My point is, don’t beat yourself up so much. No one is getting kicked out the order or in his case reconditioned if that’s what you’re worried about. Figure out what it is you want, and then just be discreet about it” you looked at Anakin like he’d grown two heads, he just winked at your confused stare.

“Okay let’s keep it simple. Are you attracted to him?” You thought back to the night before and firmly nodded in response.

“Do you like him as a person?” You pondered his question.

“Well, it’s Cross. I wasn’t sure if he even liked me for a long time. He’s closed off, anti-social, but he’s also a good guy, cares about his brothers, has saved my ass multiple times, and he is kinda funny in his own, snide way” you rattled off with fondness in your words.

“Well then I suggest you go and talk to him.” Anakin replied, giving you a knowing look when he spotted the small smile on your lips as you spoke about the sniper.

You took a deep breath, glad to have finally gotten that off your chest and feeling content that you now knew what to do next. “Thanks, Ani”

“Ugh please don’t call me that” he moaned back, apparently only Padme was allowed to get away with that one.

————————————————

Your walk back to the Marauder felt like it dragged on and on. Your brain ran over a thousand scenarios of what to say, how he’d react and you were about to short circuit. There was so much risk, so much possibility, that you did your best to shut your mind off and let yourself handle it in the moment. These things never went as planned anyway, it was best not to guess.

The large door to the ship hissed open, your boots clanking on the metal surface as you cautiously walked into your home. It didn’t take you long to find Crosshair, he was sat in the main hull methodically cleaning his hand blaster. Everyone else must’ve been asleep. He was just in his blacks, the material hugging him in the most wonderful way, it’s like whoever designed those things was trying to trip you up. The contours of his arm muscles flexing as he worked, his strong chest looked practically chiselled at the heart of his lean frame. You had to force yourself to calm down a little bit.

“Uh, hey” you greeted awkwardly. “Mind if I join you?”

You took his silence as a well he’s not saying no. He didn’t spare you a glance as you walked in and took a seat opposite him. As a General in the GAR, you rarely got nervous. War, as a concept, was simple. You knew your purpose, your objective, you had a job to get done and you’d do it. The risks never stopped you, rather they fuelled you. Probably why you’re such a good fit for the bad batch.

But this right now, personal feelings, not knowing where you stand with someone you care about. Because if you were honest, you really did care about Crosshair, the same as you did the rest of the team. You’d only been with the squad just under a year but you’d gladly lay down your life for any of them in a heartbeat. If you could at least get back to where you were before the other night, you’d be over the moon.

You weren’t used to being so nervous, you let your hands fiddle with you dark Jedi robes as you readied yourself to speak again.

“Look, I’m not here to throw some crap about being a Jedi at you, I promise. And I’m sorry for trying it before” he still didn’t look at you, finding his blaster much more interesting. But you could tell he was listening, you had his attention. Might as well keep babbling.

“In terms of an explanation for what happened yesterday, well I guess I panicked.” You sighed as you tried to find the next words “The way you made me feel that night, I… I’ve never felt like that before and everything i’d been taught over the years screamed at me that what I was doing was dangerous and wrong. I now realise that I’m just an idiot. I make my own decisions and I… uh -well, I stick by that one, starting something that is.” Still nothing.

“I know this is probably a long shot. But in the interest of being transparent” you rambled “uh… if you want to go down that road again, I’m up for seeing what happens, can be as casual as we like. I promise I won’t freak out on you again.” You chuckled and thought you almost spotted a slight pull in the corner of Crosshair’s lips “But if you want to go back to how we were before, I’d also really like that.” You watched him for a while as he gave no acknowledgement of your words, his cleaning finished as he now gave the weapon a once over in his hands. Having said everything you needed, you got up from your seat, looking away from him.

“Well, if I can do anything else, let me know” you turned on your heel to leave, feeling slightly defeated but glad you’d at least made the first step.

“I could think of a few things” he finally spoke as he leaned back into his seat and continued to stare at his blaster, still not meeting your gaze.

Well that caught your attention, you turned back around to face him as he carried on ignoring you. While his tone was unbothered as he spoke, you knew him just enough to know his words held a meaning. He was playing with you, back to his usual teasing and you could’ve laughed at the relief that washed over you. This you could work with. A cheeky idea popped into your head and you’d decided to run with it.

“Oh really?” Throwing caution to the wind, you strode over to the sniper slowly. His gaze finally meeting yours after all this time, watching you as you got closer and closer. Practically drawing you in with his amber eyes. You pushed him back by his chest, creating enough room so you could straddle his lap. “Care to elaborate?”

He huffed out a short laugh at your words, his face overall unbothered but his eyes, they were burning into you. “You’re a smart girl, I’m sure you’ll figure it out”.

You hummed in response, deciding to kick things up a notch you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing your faces just breaths apart. “Something like this?” You asked, pausing for another second before bringing your lips to his in a surprisingly soft and gentle kiss. You felt his hands come up to rest on your back, pulling you closer as you continued your slow dance. This was so different from the other night, where before there was desperation and lust, now there was something more… tender, passionate. You were quite glad you weren’t standing as the way he moved against you would’ve definitely made your knees weak.

Dragging yourself away from his lips, you searched his face. His mouth pulled into a barely there smirk “That’s a start.”

“Who said I was finished?” And just like that, the last few strands of tension between you both snapped and you relaxed in his arms. You fisted your hands into the front of his blacks and pulled him back to you, his tongue slipped between your lips, curious and demanding. He was everywhere again, filling your nose with the scent of the standard cheap GAR soap but mixed with something earthy, something so distinctly Crosshair and you couldn’t get enough.

You could tell why the Jedi order frowned upon such activities, kissing Crosshair was intoxicating. You couldn’t think of anything else other than the handsome clone in front of you and just how much you wanted him in that moment.

His hands wandered lower and lower down you back until they rested comfortably on your backside, pulling you further up his lap. Feeling mischievous, you started trailing kisses along his jaw. Setting a teasing, languid pace as you mapped out the spots that made him squirm. Crosshair was never a man of many words, so you made it your mission to see just how vocal you could make him.

As your lips met his pulse point, he gave a loud exhale and you smirked in victory against his skin as you continued the onslaught on his senses. You definitely seemed to be doing something right as his hands found themselves in your hair, clutching slightly and you couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped you. Even while trying to gain the upper hand in the situation, he always had some control over you. It was maddening in the best way, setting your veins alight with desire.

Determined to get another victory you traced your tongue against the base of the side of his neck and trailed it all the way up to the bottom of his ear, which you teasingly took into your mouth, teeth grazing the soft skin. A strangled moan escaped the clone and that was the moment where you knew you were hopelessly and utterly gone. Your mind filled with nothing other than wanting to be closer to Crosshair.

“Not very Jedi of you” he commented, slightly breathless when you finally stopped teasing him and came back up to meet his eyes. Looking down at where your bodies were pressed against one another, you chuckled.

“What exactly about this situation led you to believe I was ever a model Jedi?” You smirked, though it was only visible for a second before his mouth was back on yours, devouring you as his hands greedily roamed your body.

You continued making out like teenagers for most of the evening, taking the time to explore each other, enjoying the closeness. Contentment settled over your body, almost as if this was were you were meant to be. If Crosshair’s arms were where you belonged, well, you could think of worse places to be.

Back to Part 1

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deadmandairyland · 3 years

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Hi! I’m here to bring you yet another Danganronpa tier list: the sexuality tier list, which you can find here.

Now I’m going to be honest here: I don’t really have any LGBT headcanons. It’s just not really something I focus on much when it comes to fandoms. Instead I usually just focus on ships, and as a result from that I tend to present a lot of characters as LGBT in fanfictions and posts I’ve made or reblogged. In other words, a massive chunk of my “headcanons” here are a direct result of shipping (as well as information I’ve picked up from the games themselves). That being said, it was interesting to actually think about this for once, so I’m kinda glad I did the tier list. And it gave me an excuse to bring back the rainbow color scheme I usually put in my tier lists for aesthetic reasons.

The original tier list had Straight at the top, but I moved it to the bottom for two reasons. One, this is Tumblr and that’s not what you’re here for. Two, I gave it a neutral color, and having a gray section next to a white section (i.e. the title of the list) like that looked bad to me. I definitely prefer this setup just on aesthetic alone.

Because this is largely based on ships, I feel it needs to be said that representation does not factor into this chart in any way. I know it probably looks bad that the only character in the Lesbian category is one of my least favorite (though NOT hated or even disliked, I should point out) characters in the main series. That has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a lesbian. She’s just a jerk, and usually not in a way that’s at least entertaining enough for me to like her.

Also keep in mind that this is just the main cast of the main series games. If you were to include characters from the DR3 anime, UDG, or the spin-offs, the Gay, Lesbian, and Ace categories would get more rep, certainly. Think Juzo, Yui, Takemichi, that gay guy with the trumpet, etc.

With that said, let’s go through the list:

Gay

Not gonna lie, one of the reasons why Rantaro is here (and not in Ace) is because of ships. Though I do sometimes ship him with girls, canon suggests he’s not interested in dating girls, and most fans seem to headcanon him as either gay or ace because of this, so I respected that. That being said, I also acknowledge he’s a very popular character in mlm ships, and at the time I was putting this together I hadn’t gotten to Taka yet so the Gay tier was still empty, and Byakuya was already sitting in Ace, so all of that swayed me to putting Rantaro here instead of Ace.

Taka was much easier to place here. He strikes me as a closeted gay man who probably doesn’t even realize he is gay. “Hey, let’s all hang out in the bath, guys! Getting naked is essential to form bonds with your fellow man! No need to be ashamed, it’s tradition!"

Lesbian

Again, ships. I only ship Hiyoko with one other character, and as soon as I say that you already know who she is.

Bisexual (Male Preference)

Akane is mostly here to account for any wlw ships I may have of her (e.g. Hina, Sonia maybe). Obviously she has a thing with Nekomaru, so Male Preference.

Chiaki is here for the same reason as Akane. I’ve shipped her with characters like Sonia and Ibuki before, but she really digs Hajime.

Chihiro honestly could have been anywhere in the Bi and Pan sections, but I ultimately went with Male Preference because of ships, specifically the fact that outside of the more... R18 circles of the Interwebs Chihiro tends to be shipped with guys more often than girls. Also doesn’t hurt that my OTP is Naehiro. I mean, have you seen how often Chihiro blushes around Makoto? (There’s more to it than that, as I’ve covered in the past. I’m just trying to add more fuel to the fire.)

Himiko is probably one of the few characters that isn’t here mainly because of ships. I do think she has some attachment towards Tenko, but I also get “I’m uncomfortable around her” vibes from her, and there are moments where she seems to crush on Kokichi (of all people) so that’s why she’s here. Still very much bi, though.

Hina has a crush on Makoto and has a complex around wishing she was more feminine so she can attract boys. So why isn’t she in the Straight section? ...Because Sakura, duh. And Kyoko too. And any other wlw ship you can think of that might work with Hina.

Honestly if it wasn’t for Miu I probably would have considered putting Kokichi in Gay. Again, while shipping plays a big part of my choices here, much like with Rantaro I have no qualms with putting a character in a tier that contradicts any ships I might have with that character, if those ships aren’t something I’m super invested in. This is a very important distinction, because it’s why I let ships sway my hand for so many of these even if I am also okay with going “Just because I ship this doesn’t mean I headcanon it” as I did with Rantaro. And honestly Kokichi’s ship teasing with Himiko does come off as more trollish than a sign that he’s into her, but he really gets into his back-and-forth with Miu, in my personal opinion, and he gets into it far more often with her for that matter. It’s why it’s one of my favorite ships for both of them tbh, and it’s because I like the ship so much that I just can’t ignore it for this sexuality headcanon tier list.

Maki... is here because of ships (e.g. Kaede).

Sakura... is here because of ships (e.g. Hina). ...What, you were expecting me to put a guy in the example? Remember, she has a boyfriend in canon.

Sayaka... is here because of... NOT ships, but DRAT. Yes, really. (”We really got down and dirty, Naegi-kun.”)

Sonia... strikes me as someone who swings both ways. I can’t describe exactly why I feel that way, but yes.

Bisexual (No Preference)

Celeste wants a harem of vampire boys but shipping her with Kyoko is also very popular and honestly i feel like it would fit her character. She’s got a look that says “I could get any ass I want and I know it.”

Ibuki is decked out in blues and pinks, and also I ship her fairly evenly among both boys and girls. She just screams bi icon to me, more so than any other character in the series.

Junko is either bi with no preferences or pan. She is an equal opportunity heart-and-soul-breaker and lust-for-despair machine.

There is no Mukuro in this list, but honestly I would probably put her where I put Junko anyway.

Kaede... is here because of ships (e.g. Miu, Maki)

Honestly I had no idea where to put Kirumi, so I just randomly chose one that I wouldn’t regret later if I ever put more thought into who I shipped her with.

I’m pretty sure Nagito being bisexual has some degree of canon attached to it??? I think??? I’m not entirely sure tbh, but fuck it. I’m doing this for fun anyway, so this doesn’t really matter.

Shuichi, like all Danganronpa protags, is bi as fuck. I also find him to be more shippable with guys than the other two protags, so IMO he has no preference.

Toko might have a thing or two for pretty boys, but... Komaru, I mean, this isn’t exactly shocking, I don’t think. Probably was closeted before she met Komaru. I mean she did focus on Hina’s boobs a lot in DR1, let’s not forget.

Tsumugi, much like Kirumi, is here because I haven’t put much thought into her ships.

Bisexual (Female Preference)

Gundham has a thing with Sonia in canon, but I can see him being bi. So... yeah, ships again.

Hajime, like all Danganronpa protags, is bi as fuck. It’s just that his Chiaki and Mikan game is just too strong.

Hifumi might claim to only like 2D, but his interest in Chihiro both in human form and computer program form (and the fact that this didn’t go away after the gender reveal) places him here.

Kaito strikes me as a closeted bisexual. The kind that could start any given conversation with “I’m not gay, but...”

Kazuichi also strikes me as a closeted bisexual, only his “I’m not gay, but...” is rooted more in dumbass than it is in systematic homophobia.

Korekiyo... is here because of ships (e.g. Rantaro).

Kyoko is bi as fuck, and I can see her having a preference towards girls in particular. She gets shipped with girls a lot (e.g. Celeste, Hina, Yui, and even Junko and Mukuro), and when she is shipped with boys it’s usually just pretty boys (e.g. Makoto, Byakuya, Ryota, Shuichi, and, depending on your interpretation, Chihiro). Also note that aside from Makoto and maybe Byakuya, Kyoko’s girl ships are far more popular than her boy ships. Just something I’ve noticed over the years.

Leon... is here because of ships (e.g. Chihiro).

Mahiru is here because I’m pretty sure she has a thing for Hajime in her FTEs, but obviously she tends to get shipped with girls more often (especially Hiyoko), and I agree.

Makoto, like all Danganronpa protags, is bi as fuck. It’s just that his Kyoko, Hina, Sayaka, and Mukuro game is just too strong.

Mikan may be interested in Hajime somewhat, but her obsession with Junko cannot be ignored, no matter how much some of you may want to.

Mondo is another character that strikes me as a closeted bisexual. He is said to strike out all the time with girls, so I do think he’s attracted to women. And I do get some vibes that he’s attracted to Chihiro pre-reveal. And if circumstances had been different, I imagine he probably still would have been post-reveal. But obviously it’s his bond with Taka that I feel cements his sexuality in, at the very least, an mlm category.

Tenko... is here NOT because of ships, but because I’m pretty sure she’s at least sort of interested in Shuichi because of some canon thing... and also I don’t want to put her in Lesbian just because it feels like I’d be stereotyping the Lesbian category if I do that. If we were to compare her to the character that I did put in Lesbian, Hiyoko doesn’t treat people like shit because they’re men, she’s an equal-opportunity asshole. Still not the best representation for lesbians by a long shot, but at least Hiyoko doesn’t follow the stereotype of a man-hating lesbian. She’s just like that, and that’s okay. But putting Tenko there, especially if she’s shown some degree of interest in a male character at some point in the game, just rubs me the wrong way personally, because it would feel like I’m ignoring canon just to stereotype her. But that’s just a personal hang up of mine. No disrespect intended toward anyone who genuinely feels that Tenko is a lesbian. Maybe you see something there that I don’t, and that’s perfectly fine.

Pansexual

I don’t remember exactly how her FTEs went, so I’m not going to get into that, but Angie just comes off as pan to me, like gender doesn’t fit into the equation at all for her.

Gonta I can see as either pan or ace. I feel like he wouldn’t care about gender, and honestly the only reason I decided to put him in Pan rather than Ace is because of that scene with Miu.

Imposter is not only pan, they are currently OT3ing it up with Ibuki and Ryota as we speak, and that’s a fact.

Keebo... is mostly here because of ships. A lot of ships, actually. Mostly male ships (Kokichi, Shuichi, Kazuichi, and, depending on your interpretation, Chihiro) but there’s also Miu to consider. And the Miu game is SO strong that I put him in Pan instead of, say, Male Preference.

Just gonna lump them together because I have the same thing to say about both of them: Miu and Teruteru would **** anything that walks. What did I censor? Well, I’m doing the Nier: Automata thing, so you can put whatever you want in there and trust me, it would probably fit, for better or for worse.

Ace

I know this is an unpopular opinion, because Naegami, but I just don’t think Byakuya is interested in anyone, at least not in that way. He might be fascinated with how common people live, because it’s so foreign to him, but that’s about it.

Straight

Even though I do ship Fuyuhiko with some of the boys, his Peko game is so strong that honestly I can’t see him actually dating anyone aside from Peko outside of some very niche fanfiction.

Honestly, Hiro was another one that I was just like “I have no idea what to do with you.” I think maybe his team up with Kanon made me eventually choose to put him in Straight? I don’t remember. I clearly didn’t put much thought into Hiro.

I really only ship Nekomaru with Akane, so that’s why he’s here. I’m sure if I dive deep enough into my psyche I can pull an mlm ship with Nekomaru in it out of my ass, but like Rantaro that wouldn’t be significant enough to change anything.

Peko is in the same boat as Fuyuhiko. I have shipped her with girls before, but her Fuyuhiko game is just too strong.

Ryoma had a girlfriend once, and as far as I can remember he didn’t really seem interested in anybody in the game, so that’s all I have to go off of for him.

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So there you have it. Explanations for literally all of them! Explanations that were definitely not pulled out of my ass as I was typing them, nope, certainly not. Definitely won’t be tagging all of them, but I may tag the ones with the longest entries. And like all the tier lists I’ve done, this was just for fun and honestly any opinion I have for any of these characters could change at a moment’s notice because my brain is fickle like that. Tried my best to make sure that every tier had at least one character in it, but I did so without trying to force characters in places that I personally did not believe they should go. I hope you all enjoyed my dive into this area of fandom that I rarely dive into (the LGBT headcanons, not the ships, obviously). It was a lot of fun, and hopefully it will stay fun and not result in angry anons blasting me for my opinions. I am grateful that this never seems to happen to me, but I’ve seen it happen to others and I know what Tumblr is capable of at its worst. These are just headcanons and a matter of personal opinion, and if you disagree with them, that’s perfectly okay. Your feelings and opinions are also valid.

#dangan ronpa #tier list #rantarou amami #kiyotaka ishimaru #hiyoko saionji #chihiro fujisaki #himiko yumeno #aoi asahina #kokichi ouma #kyouko kirigiri #mondo oowada #tenko chabashira #kiibo #miu iruma #teruteru hanamura #ended up tagging anyone who (at least in the editor) has four or more lines of text in their entry #or in hiyoko's case because i mention her a lot outside of her entry

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resssistance · 3 years

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I've debated for a long time whether I should write/post this or not. As I'm writing this, I'm still not sure. There won't be any links or important information, it won't be tagged, please don't reblog this. Not trying to gain sympathy here, just.. idk consider this a diary entry, I'll talk about my day mostly. Feel free to skip for any reason, it's long, messy, depressing and devoid of real substance. Take care of yourself.

I've never mentioned it directly here, but I'm from Ukraine. Most of you can see where this is going by now.

I'm Ukrainian, was born and raised in Donbas, in a small town that as of 8 years now is a part of L/DPR - temporary occupied territory. I moved from there not long after it's all started as I'd planned much earlier, but for a different reason now. My family stayed, reasons changed over time, but it never was because they supported that regimen or anything. They had no choice, as many others who keep living or died there.

I'm not going describe how these 8 years were for us - my country, my region, my loved ones and me personally. I'll just say there was a lot of fear, anxiety, isolation, anger, uncertainty, injustices from both governments. Talking about it more only makes my blood boil and I don't have the capacity for it right now.

Today I (and everyone else here) woke up with a start at 5 AM from the sound of projectiles going off somewhere right outside of the city border. There was panic in my head, from the confusion and how unexpected it was. It didn't last long though. By the time I got dressed and went out in the hall, my brain was practically devoid of anything, just something akin to resignation. I've probably looked out of place with all my neighbors being shocked and panicking, which is a proper response, but for me it wasn't as terrifying and unfamiliar. I've seen it already, I've been there. Being used to horrible things is an uncomfortable thought.

So I've washed my face, went out to the nearest ATM to have some cash on me, finally called through to my mom while at it, made sure they were okay. Spoke to neighbors while they were trying to find a safe place to go and how to get there, all with no internet, overloaded cell phone services and lack of official information. As many of them gathered their kids and started to leave, I ate my breakfast under new round of something firing and scrolled through some local chats. My body seemed to take most of the shock and stress on itself and physically I felt awful, so I just went to sleep again. Is that strange? Most probably. But I got a couple of hours of rest, with some interruptions.

[I, I, I, me, me, me. Why always so self-centered? But I'll give myself a pass on this tonight, I need to process at least something]

Throughout the day (and even now) I was just as detached. Managed to find an open pet store nearby to buy food for my rabbit, couldn't walk my stress off as per usual, but at least breathed some fresh air, the weather was perfect actually. In the afternoon there was info about possible bombardement, of the civil places this time, and almost all who hadn't left in the morning went into the nearest basements and other hidings. I packed the emergency bag and the carrier, but stayed put, for both rational and irrational reasons. Thankfully, my pet is also pretty calm today.

It's already dark outside, no street lights tonight. Some neighbors came back for a couple of hours, but are about to leave again, no one knows how the night will go. The lovely lady, that kinda adopted me here over the years, urged me to go with them, I refused again, at least for now. Not that I'm this fearless, it's just.. I'm much more worried about my family that I can't be with this time, even if for now it's calmer where they are. I don't want to run to a safe place, if there is any, I want to go home. And I'm afraid of what comes next after it'll be over, one way or another. Worried about my mom not getting any sleep tonight because of me.

It's half past 9PM, there was some shelling again. It's been a very long day. Everything is eerily quiet. Still no internet (which also means no work), the mobile one is very shitty today, too overloaded probably, barely enough for a messenger, sometimes can handle Youtube on 144p (bring me back my 2007). I have a ton of new and old stuff to watch downloaded, my saved fic library is somewhere close to 1K titles, so I can go by a long time, and that's not even counting music. Just didn't feel like it today. I feel tired.

It's a very depressing post and I don't have a happy ending for it yet, sorry. Not sure why I'm doing this. And don't worry, I will evacuate when necessary, it's not like I'm hopeless to the point of giving up, I have my reasons to stay in for now. Don't lose your sleep over us too, it'll help no one. Grab a soft blanket if it's cold enough, pet your animals, make yourself some tea. I'm about to do the same. Take care, stay safe 💛

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maraudererasmut · 3 years

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Life Update and All That

Hey all!

It’s T here!

I know it’s been a very long while since I’ve been around, and I figured I’m finally at the point where I can pop by and give a bit of an update, in case anyone was curious.

I left Tumblr and Discord for a bit to get my bearings and re-evaluate things. I needed some time to myself to sort through my mental health, figure some stuff out, and get to the point where I was finally at a better place to be able to come back.

A few things have happened since I’ve left that are actually kind of neat!

I published a book and wrote another manuscript!

I’m not going to share too much information about my book here, because I still do want to keep my smut-writing-pseudonym separate from my professional life, but suffice it to say that I published a novella, which got me started on the strange journey that is publishing!

I’m currently in the process of querying my first full-length manuscript, with the intention of getting an agent and publishing it. Hopefully that will be able to go somewhere, but if not, at least I have learned a lot while on my journey!

I realized that I am trans!

To the shock and surprise of absolutely nobody, the person who wrote gay romance and focused on a storyline that predominantly featured a transmasc character is actually, in fact, gay and trans. Shocking, I know!

It took a bit of thinking and talking and self analyzing that mostly occured during the many, many hours of alone time provided by a global pandemic for me to realize that wanting to be a boy does, in fact, make you probably a boy. Who would have guessed.

Anyway, I’m going by he/they pronouns these days. And uh... I guess my descriptions of dysphoria in all of my fics were a bit closer to home than I was ever willing to admit. Funny how these things work.

I bought a house!

I finally did something that I never thought would be possible in my entire life: I actually purchased a house in my city, which is notoriously expensive. It’s the perfect home for me: a large backyard; my very own shop space, which will soon be filled with tools; a sunroom with tons of windows for writing; a roof that I can climb up to and sit on... It’s really such a great home, and I am so excited to start this new chapter of my life here.

One door closed and another opened!

When I first left, there was a job opportunity that was a bit up in the air that would’ve involved me uprooting my life. While it didn’t end up panning out, I was ended up stumbling upon a different job in my field. I almost forgot how much I love what I do, and I am so glad to be back into the thick of it!

I figured that I should probably also try to pre-emptively answer any questions that you may have while I’m here and typing this all out. So... here goes!

Will you be continuing *insert fanfiction*?

I’m honestly not sure. The best answer that I can give right now is: Maybe?

I definitely want to try to continue some of my storylines, tie up some loose ends, and actually put together those plots that I had swirling around my mind.

That being said, I also have other projects that are currently on the go that might take precidence. Most importantly, I have several original stories that I plan to eventually query (or even publish, if I can!).

If I find that I am inspired to go back and write more Wolfstar, rest assured, I absolutely WILL. These boys will always hold a special place in my heart, and I honestly don’t know if I will ever be truly rid of them, even if I tried.

Will you still be making art for the fandom?

Again, I’m not sure.

I’ve been doing a LOT of fanart, on a different account, just to keep up my skills while I was away. There are quite a few fandoms that I have been making art for, and I don’t know yet if I want to merge these two accounts.

That’s a decision for the future. :P

But you can always try to pop into my ask box and send a request, and if I can get to it, I will try my absolute best.

You and I have unfinished business!! Will you be getting to that?!

Ah, yes. I remember now. I left the fandom while I was in a very BAD place, and most things fell by the wayside while I worked on my mental health. I’m sorry.

If we do have any kind of unfinished business at all that you need to talk to me about, please do! I want to try to resolve things and make sure that everyone is satisfied with whatever solution we can come to. Feel free to reach out, and I will try my absolute best to respond and rectify.

Rest assured, if we have had any kind of negative interraction in the past, I have absolutely spent the past year and a half allowing that to eat away at me. I’ve been feeling guilt up the wazoo, a ball of anxiety so tight, you could probably play baseball with it.

I’m trying not to let these kinds of things bother me anymore. I’m trying to learn to let things go, and focus on the present and the future. I am truly sorry for things that I have done in the past, but I am finally at the point where I am ready to put my effort into making things better instead of dwelling on what was.

Will you be active on this blog now? Are you back for good?

I think you already know the answer to that question...

I don’t know.

I haven’t made any decisions yet about whether or not I’m here to lurk and like and reblog or if I’m going to be actually producing content again. I have no idea yet how active I will be here. That really depends on how I’m feeling, how I’m doing mentally, and what the reception to this post looks like.

So... Maybe?

DID YOU MISS ME WHEN YOU WERE GONE?

Yes. Yes, I did.

If you are actually asking me this question, chances are that I did miss you. Yes, you specifically. Yes, I thought about you a lot. Yes, I wished that I had the courage to go back and just say “HI, I MISSED YOU, PLEASE CAN WE BE FRIENDS AGAIN!”

I am not great at reaching out, though. I’m not great at handling my emotions period. Hopefully, if you’re wondering if I missed you, you’d be interested in reconnecting, knowing that I did, in fact, miss you a lot.

Are you okay now?

I will be.

Even when I’m not okay these days, I at least have the wherewithall to be able to say “while I might not be doing great right now, I know that I will be okay.”

And isn’t that what we all want? :P

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope this was interesting and/or informative.

And... I’m glad that I wrote this. It helped.

With love,

#maraudererasmut #writing my thoughts out #T Talks

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maxineswritingcenter · 3 years

Text

You Saved Me - Derek Hale x fem!reader

So, back in the day I wrote this story on Quotev. And it was one of my first stories that got into the popular section and I am really proud of it. The only problem is.... It was written in 2013, uber cringe-ville. If you wanna try to find it, be my guest but be warned: the main character is an OC, she has “I’m NoT lIkE oThEr GiRlS” syndrome and there are some weird ass love lines added in. So, I am reviving and rebranding that story so it may live a better life, like witness protection. Anyway, hope you enjoy

* I wrote it in first person just because I thought it would be easier to read

(Y/N)’s family is killed in a fire that seems to plague Beacon Hills, moving in with the Stilinski’s was bound to cause hijinks, but what happens when she gets involved with the the illusive Derek Hale?

TW: Kidnapping, some violence

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At first glance Beacon Hills seems like the perfect community. It wasn’t until later that I would realize that everything I ever knew was a lie.

I slowly slipped out of the front door and locked it behind me. Sneaking out wasn’t my usual schtick, but it was the last day of summer and for the first time I was going to live a little before starting to work at the Highschool as a volunteer coach for the lacrosse team. It was my first time ever sneaking out and just the idea of it made my heart pound, but the anxiety turned to adrenaline as I made my way out without either of my parents noticing. They were both incredibly heavy sleepers, there could be a parade outside their door and they wouldn’t wake up.

The party would mostly consist of most of the men’s and women’s lacrosse teams, and what would a lacrosse party be like without the team captain?

Walking down the sidewalk, I thought more about college. UCLA was a choice, or a community college too. Most kids would have gone straight after graduation, but I decided a year off would be good for me to de-stress. But honestly, I was just more afraid of the change. That and leaving my best friend, Stiles, behind was a little hard to fathom. We had known each other our whole lives. Another thing was…would he be okay? After losing his mom… who knows. But then there was also Michael. Michael was my boyfriend, and I loved being with him for the last four years. He really hadn’t mentioned plans for college, just working in the family business. What the family business was, I never knew.

About a block down the road is when I heard the howl. My instincts first go to fear, wolf in the darkness. But then logic comes in, there had not been wolves in California for decades. It was probably the neighbors husky.

The autumn chill had no mercy, whipping my hair into my eyes, I stopped on the corner of Fifth and Main, pulling my jacket closer and waited for the wind to pass. When it did, the figure in front of me made me gasp. But the shock subsided soon after.

“Mikey,” I sighed in relief, “Why’d ya sneak up on me like that? Almost gave me a heart attack. What are you doing out here?”

“Waiting for you.” He smiled. Ominous certainly, but this was probably just another one of his pranks.

“I guess so, I thought you said you weren’t going to the party.”

“We’re not.” That’s when a chill ran up my spine. Something wasn’t right, he wasn’t acting like himself. His goofy smile was gone and replaced by a dark looming presence that I wasn’t comfortable with. It was like he was a completely different person. I took a slow step back.

“Come on, this isn’t funny.” He said nothing, only matching my step going forward.

“Michael.” With every step I took back, he took one forward, matching my increasing pace. With no other choice in mind, I chose to run. But as my back was turned, he grabbed me by my middle with one arm and pressed a cloth to my mouth with the other. Without thinking, I breathed in, the chemicals in the cloth slowly numbing my senses and my body. I tried to fight the darkness entering my vision, but it was no use. I was done to my knees, Michael right behind me.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” Were the last words I heard before the darkness took over.

“Sweetie, time to get up.” My mother’s voice rang in my ears.

“C’mon mom five more minutes…” I grumbled.

“(Y/N), you need to wake up.” Her voice is more urgent. I finally opened my eyes, seeing my mother, her body engulfed in flames.

“Wake up!”

My body jerked as I woke up, leading to soreness in my arms and legs as a few things became clear:

1. I was tied to a chair, and

2. I didn’t know where I was.

The events from last night slowly started coming back and nothing made any sense. Michael had never been controlling or abusive. Was I so blinded by the relationship that I hadn’t seen the signs? No, there were no signs. As far as I knew, Michael had no history of mental illness so something like dissociative identity disorder didn’t make sense and it wouldn’t explain the behavior either.

There was a bandana tied around my head, keeping me from any sort of speech. From the layout of the place, it looked like an apartment Michael had, but everything was different. There was a tack board hanging in the living room with so many pictures of myself and my parents, shots that looked like they were taken without us knowing. There were scrawlings but they were too scribble-like to make out.

The door opening brought my head to look towards the source. Michael walked in, shoving his phone into his back pocket.

“Well good afternoon, sleepy head.” He closed the door behind him and made his way over to the chair I was bound to.

“Alright, I’m gonna take the gag out but you can’t scream.” He smiled.

I nodded along. With one hand, he pulled the gag from my mouth.

“HELP! HELP ME!” I cried, hoping one of his neighbors would hear and call the police.

“Shut up!” He slapped me across the face, the stinging pain only added to my screaming for help.

“I said shut up!” He pulled a knife from his pocket, pressing the tip of the blade against my cheek. This new threat silences me, leaving me breathing heavily through my nose, tears making their way down my cheeks.

“See, was that so hard?” He stood up and made his way across the room to the box TV on his floor, “I’m sorry for the mess, but with all my planning I hadn’t had a chance. I’ve been planning a big surprise and it’s finally done.” I didn’t speak, only continued to watch his movements.

“I figure, even if you didn’t listen, you can still have your surprise.” He pressed the round power button on the screen and it fizzled to life.

“-the same arsonist on the loose? Coming back to breaking news, the second house fire in six years occurred in the early morning today. Firefighters were called out to the residence of (Y/D/N) and (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) where their home had gone up in flames.” There was footage of my home up in flames, streams of water coming from the firemen below. “ Both (Y/D/N) and (Y/M/N) were found dead, seemingly from being crushed by a falling support beam in their basement. Their daughter, (Y/N), has not been found and is considered missing. If you have any information on her please call Beacon Hills police.” My photo came up on the screen.

My heart sunk into my stomach and my throat ached to scream and sob. Michael turned off the TV then and looked down at me.

“I’m surprised they found the bodies with how hot it was.” He said nonchalantly.

“Why are you doing this?” I whispered. My parents were the nicest people in the world and treated Michael like he was a part of the family, why would he do this?

”Don’t worry, (Y/N/N). It’s all a part of the plan.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m gonna head to bed, been out all night. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” He made his way to her bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Finally, I completely broke down. Silent cries poured out. My parents were just gone in a puff of smoke. And all at the hands of someone we trusted. Someone that I trusted more than anything.

After the grief quickly came anger. I don’t know how or when, but I am getting the hell out of here.

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Read part 2 here!

Likes, Comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

Message me comment to to added to the General Tag or the tag list for this series!

#teen wolf fic #derek hale #derek hale x reader #maxineswritingcenter

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