#also yes this is sarcy

[ssaalexblake]

jodie ‘method acting’ whittaker growing another heart to play the role of a two hearted alien is what puts her at no.1 in the doctor actor competition and that’s that. 

[theblogtini]

Idk I don’t see MM being a good Mum. Sorry but someone had to say it. She’s much too cold & uncomfortable around children for me to believe that. There was also a clip that I saw of being so sweetly sarcy to a small girl who handed her her tea-cup & MM goes, “awww now I am a restaurant” 🫠 like looked like she’s 2-3, wtf is wrong with you! H has the potential to be a good father & has spoken publicly too many times about wanting kids. So yes, I agree with you that he does seem to have the best interests for his children.

Idk, I’ve a feeling H will eventually make his way back to the UK. As he should.

Can’t believe I went from liking MM to absolutely loathing her in a span of 2-3 months!! 🤣

LOL I know, I was such a HUGE fan of her and was so, so excited to see her work... and I was rooting for her and defending her all the way up until the South Africa "no one asked if I'm okay" interview. And even then when so many people had turned on her I was like "oh maybe she has post-partum depression, maybe this is a cry for help."

But I dunno. I think even if she seems a little awkward with kids in a crowd, she can still be a good mom. I know that I'm not the most maternal mother in the world - I'm not generally a warm and fuzzy person and I have like, zero patience for loud noises and chaos, but I like to think that I'm still a great mom to my boys, even though I might not SEEM like I would be to an outsider, lol.

Maybe I'm just giving her too much credit and projecting my own mothering insecurities on her lmao

[pugh-bug]

Scott Lang x reader

Chapter 4 of this slow burn (which is fitting because I post the chapters slowly) story

Finally! The next chapter will follow on from this because it’s going to end up too long if I don’t post this chapter now. I hope you enjoy it! :)

You’d been stressed the last week and everyone could tell. A twenty thousand word uni essay you thought was in for the end of term turned out to have been due two weeks earlier. It only took one text from a fellow class member, who you never really spoke to or considered, asking you what your grade was to send you into a frantic meltdown. Luckily the Avengers were busy so you had Stark Tower to yourself for a few hours and took full advantage. By crying. A lot. Begging your professor to give you more time to hand it in (because you were sick cough cough) and planning the stupid thing to get it over with. Did you get it done eventually? Yes. Would a drunken chicken be impressed by your words? Doubtful.

Normally you gave Bruce your essays to look over but you couldn’t bring yourself to show him your so called ‘work’ so into the submissions it went. It was too embarrassing but your motivation levels had plummeted since meeting the Avengers and calling them your friends - you couldn’t care too much. In the scheme of things essays just didn’t seem important anymore.

On Sunday you submitted it and sat in silence for a moment. Everyone had gotten used to giving you space, for a change, so you were comfortable with quiet. However you were not going to quietly tell them you’d finally finished. No.

‘FINALLY!’ You yelled, purposefully leaning towards your door for maximum effect. Let them come to you, you thought. As the door opened and your friends pretty faces appeared you felt nothing but relief. It was silly to feel ‘free’ because it was just an essay but fucking hell did you despise avoiding everyone to write it for so long.

Scott came to you first with Tony, Thor and Vision behind. You tried not to revel in him being closest to you too much. He looked especially cute that afternoon, you could tell he’d had a lie in because of his slight bed hair, and you beamed at him. ‘So it’s finished?’ Making space for him so he could sit on your desk beside you, you nodded. ‘Yes!’

While Thor gave you a long speech about how pointless Earth school was in his charming way, Tony congratulated you like you’d had a baby.

‘Good. Knew that was hard for you.’

Scott was glued to your desk and you tried to make eye contact with everyone else in the room but him. Him and his pretty distracting face.

‘I have a brilliant idea!’ Tony then announced, commanding the room in his diva like way. Scott raised his eyebrows at you in anticipation before you all turned to look at the billionaire. ‘I think we’ve all disappointed ourselves this week. Do you know why? Work. We’ve been working too hard.’ Scott laughed and smiled down at you, which you returned. Poor Vision just stood in the doorframe glazed with visible confusion. It was like being in a Ted talk audience.

‘Y/N’s essay,’ Tony gestured to you. ‘My impeccable new suit. I’m sure Vision has been doing.. somethi- the point is, we need to party. My humble suggestion, which you’re free to disapprove of if you’re boring, is that we all get-‘

‘Smashed!’

The exclaim just left you. You had been fucking itching to be drunk all week and celebrate - even if it was a small achievement in the grand scheme of things. You wanted to do shots. Lie on the floor. Dance. Dance and finally eat! Somehow you hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was 4pm. Your stomach was growling at you.

Scott rubbed your shoulder playfully and smirked ‘I like that plan.’

‘Excuse me. My plan.’

You and Scott chose to ignore the diva in the room which of course Vision and his big computer brain had to comment on. ‘Erm...’ he hesitated as he walked towards the two of you in classic Vision fashion. ‘You two are-‘

‘About to find all the liquor!’ Before he could finish whatever awkward question he could ask you jumped out of your seat taking Scott with you. The cabinets where most of the alcohol got stored were all in the smaller of Tony’s kitchens. Scott’s hand in yours felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time as you giddily dragged him down the hall. You could not stop smiling and he could sense your mood change.

‘Someone’s happy today.’

Of course you somehow took that as a hint to let his hand go, which you did but sadly. Your hand felt a bit lost as you walked and you couldn’t remember if you normally swung your arms or kept them still like Vision.

‘I’m warning you now,’ you opened the cupboards with no specific alcohol in mind ‘I plan on getting very drunk tonight.’ Fuck. There wasn’t any kopperberg left. Oh well you’d settle for gasoline- it was one of those days.

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ Scott chuckled at you. ‘When I was your age I got black out drunk almost daily.’ Once you were carrying a dangerous amount of bottles and cans you looked up at the man and he looked a bit smug. ‘Am I right in thinking you’re proud of yourself?’ He didn’t have to reply, you could tell he was.

The two of you laid out the cans and wine, vodka, mixer and beer bottles out on the counter carefully. It looked like a beautiful recipe for disaster but it wasn’t anything you hadn’t all done only weeks before. The amusing sounds of Tony bossing everyone around to get off their asses and party met your ears. Your main goal was to start drinking as soon as possible. Red wine, you found in your ‘scientific studies’, got you the drunkest the quickest so it was the obvious choice.

As you swug it, Scott hesitated about starting his beer. He watched you but for once you didn’t have the energy to wonder what he was thinking. ‘Oh no,’ you laughed and carried on drinking. ‘I’m gonna have to peel you off this floor later aren’t I?’ His words were worrying but there was a gleam in his eyes and an energy radiating off the two of you that didn’t care what happened.

You laughed and told him that yes he definitely would have to. He seemed to think it was his mission and his alone to look after you. How sweet and incorrect. ‘Scott,’ saying his name never got old ‘Don’t you dare stay sober for me. I’ve never seen you drunk.’ Somehow you hadn’t. Unless you had and couldn’t remember which was also likely. The idea of the two of you dancing together and Scott twirling you under his arm made your cheeks warm and your chest flutter.

The urge to be overly sarcastic was building, why you got like this around attractive people when you were bored you didn’t know. It wasn’t your best trait - funny sometimes but not exactly mature of you. It was almost addictive and spending time with Tony’s sarcy ass did nothing to help you think before you spoke.

You leant on the counter drinking but your mind was trying to decide which playlist you were going to force everyone to dance to. ‘Plughole.’ Scott stated.

‘Wow...’

‘It’s too quiet in here. Did I miss anything?’ Tony strutted in with his classic arrogance. You gestured to yourself and repeated Scott’s remark while chugging more wine. If you didn’t feel tipsy soon you’d start taking shots.

‘Shots!’ Clint yelled, entering the kitchen behind Thor, Peter, Nat, Bruce and Vision. Maybe the archer could mind read after all? He was holding an oven tray filled with shot glasses. Just- a beautiful sight. Scott looked apprehensive on your behalf but that didn’t matter. If he didn’t want you to get plastered he didn’t have to stay with you all night. Nat would.

‘Finally, yes please yes.’

It was pure chaos before long, which was exactly what you craved after such a boring week. ‘I want it all’ by the Arctic Monkeys was playing, despite Thor’s drunken Asgardian chant suggestions, and you had somehow taken 5 shots already. Scott was on 4, Vision going strong with 0 (of course), Thor had beaten you with 7 and yet Tony was winning with 8. You lost count quickly after that.

There were so many people in one room you felt like leaving would be impossible. You’d have to crowd surf to get to the shitting toilet. ‘Scott!’ He’d stayed near you until Steve arrived, looking sophisticated in a suit. That was when drunk you decided Scott could only leave you for Steve. One exception.

‘Scott!’

He heard you the second time, just barely over the music Sam had turned up. You felt needy and raw. Almost all of your ‘holding back reserves’ had been chained up by copious amounts of vodka. ‘Are you okay?’ Slurring his words slightly, Scott put his hand on your shoulder looking genuinely concerned. Your heart swelled. ‘Aw fuck.’ He didn’t respond at your accidental ‘sentence’ that had meant to stay in your brain.

‘I need to throw up.’

You didn’t even know if you felt sick but you felt something. It was just words and a half arsed explanation for leaving the lively room. The two of you were stood in the centre of the dance circle so leaving was a struggle. Avoiding Tony’s flaying arms and Sam’s impressive dancing to find the empty corridor felt like an obstacle course.

As soon as you and Scott reached the bathroom your stomach grumbled. ‘Oh.’ You held it and looked up at Scott’s confused face with realisation. ‘I think I’m just h-hungry! And you burst out laughing in his drunken haze Scott joined in.

‘Pretty sure there’s cake over here.’ He laughed, partially at your excitement but also at his own. Neither one of you ate well without encouragement and all you wanted was to devour sugar or his face if you got any drunker.

Taglist: @supraveng

[sevenseasofrog]

hey sis!! if you get a moment could you write an imagine type thing about the boys on Xmas morning ?? like traditions they might have, presents they get each other ??? I just think it would be so cuteee!!

Christmas with Queen

Freddie had a Christmas Eve party and *some* people had too much to drink

Here’s part one of a Christmas thing ? I did write it when the ask originally came in but I wanted to put it out nearer to Christmas day, hope you like :) xoxo p.s i’ll put the second half out later today

w. love from Iz xxx

You had woken up due to the soft light, leaking through the curtains of Freddie’s lavish residence. Trying to piece together the events of the previous night despite a throbbing headache, it suddenly hit. It’s Christmas day, but here you were slouched on a sofa and extremely hung over from the Christmas Eve party the boys had begged you to come to. ‘Party’ was a rather loose term for the event ,really, it had been You, Mary, Freddie, Brian, Deacy and Rog gathering with the sole purpose of getting shitfaced for a reason no one quite understood. Of course, not everyone had let themselves go quite as much as You, Freddie and Roger; but it was a good time had by all, and now everyone was together for Christmas.

Looking around the room you saw Brian lying across the sofa opposite you, and Roger was strewn across the floor with a cushion for a pillow, bright green tinsel wrapped around his neck like a feather boa. You couldn’t help but let out a giggle, which didn’t go unnoticed by Brian, who you presumed had been awake for a while now. ‘Ah, y/n...I figured you’d wake up eventually! not too sure about our friend on the floor though’ he nodded towards Roger before letting out a laugh of his own. ‘I guess he just doesn’t know when he’s had too much eh? you’d think he’d have learnt from the hangovers by now but here we are, poor sods gonna need a new liver by 30’. Freddie’s house, although very beautiful, was also very big, which meant that in winter months like these, it got very cold; ‘fancy a cuppa?’ you asked. Although this question was mainly directed towards Brian a groggy voice from the floor also piped up, ‘if you’re asking me then I don’t see why not... I’ll also take two sugars and a paracetamol with that if you don’t mind love’. You gave Brian a glance and received a nod too. ‘Three teas coming up! Oh... and Merry Christmas’.

‘Merry Christmas y/n!’

‘Where the fuck is my my paracetamol....’

At least Brain was there for well-wishing, Roger probably wasn’t even sure where he was yet.

You returned to the lounge with the steaming tea (and paracetamol) only expecting to see Brian and Roger in their original positions, this was not the case however, everyone had now made their way into the open space and sat down, with a space left for you next to Freddie and Deacy. ‘Oh...wasn’t expecting you all to creep in while I was gone’ You thought out loud, placing the mugs down on the side table. ‘What can I say darling, I’ve always been slick...I thought that after all these years you’d have picked up on that’, Freddie piped up. It’s true, when you first met him in art school you’d never have expected someone with such a flamboyant personality to be so sneaky at times, but he really had developed a skill.

‘Have you all remembered it’s Christmas day or did the vast amounts of alcohol most you you consumed last night wash that information out of your brains’ Deacy said rather bluntly, but looking at Roger in particular. ‘Excuse me but at least I had fun last night!’ He said back, without much hesitation, ‘Yes but Rog you were also the one who was convinced you saw Santa’s sleigh parked up outside at two in the morning’. Mary was always the one to pick up on what you did while you were drunk, and she was always there to make sure that it came back to haunt you. Needless to say however, everyone found the information of Rog’s Christmas visions maybe a bit too funny, and you all found yourselves doubled over laughing when Roger couldn’t find any kind of sarcy response to throw back at Mary.

Once everyone had exchanged gifts, chatter filled the room, which no longer felt cold and empty. The fire had been lit and was crackling gently and everyone had a steaming mug of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and tiny marshmallows. Everything just seemed so right at that moment.

“Merry Christmas losers”.

[halethesourestwolf]

I was tagged by the lovely @snarfettelove to do 15 questions, 15 mutuals. (And on the 15th, which happens to be my birthday, ew.)

1. Are you named after anyone? I don’t think so? I’ve always hated my name, and in recent times of bitching and moaning about how I’ve been changing it since I was thirteen, I actually recall me mam saying that she was the one to pick my name not other people we don’t mention, and she did say she heard the name somewhere, I forget where, but I don’t think it was after a person, just, she took a fancy to the name. Some people believe I was named after the X-Men’s Emma Frost, but I really wasn’t - she doesn’t read comics.

2. When was the last time you cried? I’m not sure, to be honest, because I don’t cry much. I never really have. I mean, every time I re-read The Hunger Games and Rue comes into it, I do actually cry, like, every single time, and it’s ridiculous, but that’s probably one of the last times I did, so, a few months ago? Sometimes, out of nowhere, I’ll just start quietly crying for like a minunte, over a theme tune for a show I grew up loving or something stupid like that, or someone doing something utterly selfless for a character in a show will set me off, because I’m ridiculous. Actually, I think the only time I really cry over things is because of fictional characters, and now I’m realising things about myself. It might be an Autistic thing or a depressed thing, I don’t know, but I don’t really cry much.

3. Do you have kids? I don’t, no, but I’ve always wanted them. I’ve also always known the reality is I probably never will. I have health problems, and because I have mental health problems, adoption is probably out. The process alone would be too much for me right now, and I’m not in the best predicament because of the former reason to even try, but I would love at least one.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Honestly, if my mouth is moving, the chances are there’s sarcasm flying out of it. I don’t know if it’s a northern thing, or more a Yorkshire thing, but it’s how we roll around here. You can’t even tell when people are being sarcy anymore.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? I don’t really know, if I’m honest. If it’s me meeting someone for the first time, I’ll notice nothing but the sheer anxiety and/or panic of new people, but if it’s just seeing someone, then probably their eyes? I don’t really take notice. In fact, it might be more someone’s characteristics that I notice first? I didn’t think the questions would be this hard!

6. What’s your eye colour? Blue. Not dark-dark, but not super light, either. One has a tiny bit of amber in it.

7. Scary movie or happy ending? Probably a mixture of the two? Unhappy endings are tragic, but some horrifying tragedy with happiness at the end? I’m down for that. Out-and-out happy endings aren’t that fulfilling for me, though, so, yeah, a mixture.

8. Any special talents? If failing at all things is a talent, then, yes. Or, I knit? I wouldn’t call it special, and I’ve only just picked it back up again after years of not doing it. Maybe surviving this far in life with how tragic I am at times is a special talent, or getting around whilst wielding a blind card is another - if you want to feel alive, try crossing a road beside me. Special is giving me too much credit, though, I’m less special and more ‘special’.

9. Where were you born? South Yorkshire. Or, as it’s also know, The Shithole of Yorkshire.

10. What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, obsessing over telly shows and the odd film, listening to music, trying to occasionally play music, and animals, all things animals, I love them. Does being an awkward pain in the arse count as a hobby? I unintentionally do a lot of that.

11. Do you have any pets? Yes! Nowhere near as many as I used to have, though, because I sadly can’t look after them as much right now. I have three dogs and a cat, but it’s more like four dogs.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? Sports and me really don’t mix. Right now I’m lucky if I make it through physio. I rarely did PE at school, either, because I broke both my ankles with a year between them, and also I hated every PE teacher I ever had, refused to wear the skirt and shit they made us wear, and also refused to play netball over football because I was painfully reminded that ‘I was a girl’ whenever I fought them on it. Basically, PE made me feel like shit growing up as a blind and genderqueer person with balance and co-ordination problems, plus anxiety, dysphoria, and people issues, and it kind of left me avoiding sports? I’d love to say I was well into something, though. I did dabble with tennis, and loved it when we got to play rounders, I was there for that, and I played the odd game of footie sometimes, but school pretty much ruined sports for me. Is skipping a sport? I used to be a master at that, and I won a lot of awards and achievements throughout primary school.

13. How tall are you? Five foot five-ish.

14. Favourite subject in school? Probably English, but I was really good at History, and I loved Music. Biology wasn’t so bad, either, but I blame Miss Kelly for that. I actually kind of liked Maths and Statistics as well, if I had the right teacher, and was in the right mood, but not as much as English.

15. Dream job? A writer, probably, though from being young I’ve gone from one thing to another and settled on none. Either a writer who has the freedom to write whatever without too much pressure involved from outside forces, or something working with animals. But I’ll always wish I could have been a bus driver, vet, and police officer, if only I’d had enough vision to be allowed to be one.

I don’t know who has or hasn’t done this already, and I’m late to the party, so I’m going to say do it if you feel like it and say I tagged you. :)

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Have you seen To the Bone yet? If so, any thoughts?

I was unsure of whether to post about this movie or not, especially seeing as there has been a lot of covered both on social media and in the news. There have been many differing opinions on the latest Netflix movie, and everyone is going to find different things good/bad, so this might be a long one I am afraid...and I will definitely put a TRIGGER WARNING on this, because, well, you know why.

I must admit that when I first saw the two minute trailer for ‘To the Bone’, I was very worried about how the rest of the movie would follow. In that trailer were some quite disturbing images and one scene that stuck in my mind was when Ellen (played by Lily Collins) is counting out the calories on a plate of food that has just been placed in front of her, next to her sister, Kelly (played by Liana Liberato), and her exclaiming ‘it’s like you have calorie Aspergers or something’,  to which Ellen raises her fist in the air to and shakes it....I was hoping against hope that the trailer might have just been a bit over-the-top and that hopefully they would be putting across a HELPFUL and EDUCATIONAL message rather than glorifying/romanticising the illness. My hope mainly stemmed from both Lily Collins and director Marti Noxon, having bravely spoken about their past struggles with Anorexia. Sadly that was not meant to be.

They had what could have been an amazing chance to educate people on the reality of suffer from an eating disorder and messed it up by overly romanticising and adding an extremity of ‘Hollywood’-esque spins to make it more ‘likeable’/attractable to audiences. In doing so they have only played into the stereotypes of eating disorders and likely made sufferer’s themselves feel worse. Of course there is always going to be a fine line to tread when making a film about such a raw and touching subject, and there are going to be things that are deemed ‘inappropriate’ to show/talk about but I feel that they neglected this and yes they stayed away from some subjects, they did not in any way steer away from overly judging someone’s suffering based on their APPEARANCE. There were times whilst watching this movie that I simply couldn’t stop myself from shouting ‘NO’ and ‘why would you do that?’ at the screen because I was so mad.

Upon finishing the movie, which I will admit I paused at times because it was getting so dull and I went off to do other things, I felt, well, I don’t think there is really a word to sum it up. It was not TERRIBLE but it was so far from ‘okay’ or ‘good’. It kind of just ‘was’? Personally I would not reccommend someone watch this movie if there are in a rocky/vulnerable place recovery wise and definitely not to someone who is in the depths of their illness (however, as the producers of this film probably well knew, there isn’t much you can stop someone with an eating disorder watching something that could be potentially triggering)

Okay so let’s start with the ‘good’ or ‘okay’ bits...

I liked the scenes that involved Ellen’s sister Kelly. I found that these scenes were some of the best in the whole movie as it really showed the emotionally pain and hurt that close family members go through when a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder. There is one moment in the film which I particularly liked, when Ellen and Kelly have gone to the top of a hill to look over the city at night and they are sitting there and Ellen says to Kelly “I’ve got it under control. Nothing bad is gonna happen.” to which Kelly replies, as she looks out over the city, “I bet a bunch of them who are about to due just said the exact same thing” - in which she is implying other ED sufferers. I felt these scenes between Ellen and Kelly were very raw and real and brought to surface a lot of things that are not often discussed in the awareness of eating disorders. Thumbs up from me.

Obviously the very release of this movie has brought up a lot of discussion about eating disorders, which is great, awareness is essential. People have been talking about it, it’s been in the news and on the radio, however it is sad that the movie itself was unable to continue to educate on the reality of suffering from an eating disorder and trying to find help.

I will give it to them, they did touch on a few of the horrible side effects of suffering from an eating disorder; most notably one girl who miscarried whilst in treatment, that was a tough/hard hitting scene. As well as bringing up a few other eating disorders.

Family therapy and relationships was touched on quite well, however I do not feel that they developed this very well at all. Great that they are showing that it is about the whole family unit and people needing to work together, however the majority of ‘therapy’ scenes were left to Ellen sitting in an office with this ‘radical doctor’ and simply replying with sarcy one-liners. 

I feel that they did think about Ellen as a character though. They mentioned that she had had to drop out of college because of Anorexia and now didn’t really have much to her ‘life’. Sadly again I think this could have been built upon, and I feel like the storyline of her posting a picture of something she drew on tumblr and a girl killing herself was just a bit unnecessary/where was the development/therapy/support behind this?!

The candy bar was kind of touching, although not done in the best of ways in my personal opinion, but there was a bit of hope installed. 

Now, to the troubles I had with the film, of which there might be quite a few to say the least...

Okay so I need to get this bit over with....the very fact that they asked a person who has struggled with anorexia in the past to LOSE WEIGHT just for a film is utterly RIDICULOUS. I don’t care if it was done with a ‘nutritionist’ or with doctors alongside, this is just not okay to ask of anyone let alone someone who has suffered from Anorexia. Dieting and a history of Anorexia is a no no even when that person might have been in remission for years, it is a very fine line and dangerous thing to do. Not only that but it also adds even more to the misconception/stereotype that you have to be ‘skeletal and about to die’ to suffer from an eating disorder, which is so far from the truth. The image near the very end of the film of Ellen curled up in the foetal position naked was in my opinion, extremely unnecessary (along with all the computer touch-ups and photoshopping...just no) and already it has been noted that many of the images from the film have found their ways to ‘pro-ANA’ websites.I could rant on for a LONG time over this portrayal of a cis-white young middle classed female suffering from Anorexia Nervosa, but I shall stop here.

The lighting, make up and unnecessary touch ups used in the very close up scenes were too much in my opinion (leading on from above comment that they focused far too much on WEIGHT and APPEARANCE). They had too many scenes where Ellen was stripped down and made to either stand on a set of scales or be examined. I’m sorry but the camera lingered there for so long and was just so damaging for anyone who might suffer from an eating disorder, and for spreading awareness to the general public BECAUSE EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT WEIGHT DISORDERS.

Now, let’s also talk treatment...that was no Doctor, I am sorry and I know this was a fictional piece but what Doctor in their right mind would put people who suffered from an eating disorder in a house and tell them that they have the choice to eat or not and that that’s okay...when you are so sucked into and lost in the illness, it is hard to see anything beyond it and you literally cannot think straight. There were no nurses, no supervision, no constant checks or vitals being taken etc. And as someone who has been through that early stage of recovery I can say that the only way that you can begin to start to even think more clearer/start to believe that food is not the enemy and that recovery is an option is THROUGH EATING. The mind literally shuts down and it is hard to focus on anything other than the illness; this only begins to clear with adequate nutrition for a period of time, only then does some logically cognitive processing begin to return. It doesn’t just happen in one snap moment, which the movie does imply at some points, and that everything is ‘fine and dandy’ from there on out. It also isn’t about how someone ‘looks’ and I feel like the scene where Collins was naked on the floor as she ‘looked down on herself’ and she asked if that was really her, feeds into that misconception that it is about how someone ‘looks in the mirror’ or sees themselves. There was no talk of body dysmorphia, nor suffering from an eating disorder AT ANY WEIGHT...

Talking of the treatment ‘house’, I thought it was great that there were people there with all different eating disorders, however I was thoroughly disappointed that that was literally all we learnt about them. There were no other character developments, no elaboration on the reality of suffering from binge eating or bulimia, or even what their ‘stories’ were. All we got were a few labels ‘thrown around’ almost like a little tick box for the director to be like ‘yes we put that in, done, let’s move on’ and some incredibly unhelpful behaviour talk. Yeah, well done. 

Talking of characters, let’s talk about Lucas. I LOVED that there was a guy in treatment, there needs to be a lot more awareness made for boys/men who suffer from eating disorders. However I was thoroughly disappointed when the only character development we had was that he eventually wanted to have a relationship with Ellen after following her on tumblr for years, and then meeting her in the house...he tried to make a move on her that literally comes out of nowhere and was just, unnecessary? 

On that subject, when someone is suffering from an eating disorder and is malnourished, there IS NO SEX DRIVE; the only thing they tend to think about is food food food food. There is no desire or time for anything else, it is just the disorder and I feel this was not put across at all.

Even the doctor (whose name I can’t even remember) says that he thinks that Ellen and Lucas would make a good couple...now where in a patent treatment plan does ‘match making’ lie? I tell you; nowhere. Relationships between patients is never recommended because the reason you are in treatment is for your health and wellbeing and to be with someone who also suffers from similar struggles is just, I’m sorry this doctor’s tactics were low. 

Another of his wonderful ‘life changing’ therapy techniques was to get Ellen to change her name to Eli...like what? I’m sorry but how is this meant to help the patient work on healing their relationship with themselves and food and life? It came out of nowhere and lead to nowhere. No discussion about WHY it might be helpful or how it could provide her with a way to move forwards...just nothing.

Mr magic therapy doctor also decided to take the patients on a trip to an art gallery and make them play around and dance in water...great, but this is not some huge recovery turning point and, Idk they just never really explained any of the therapy things he was trying to do with her, it was all very vague and wishy washy and yes there was a message in going to that art gallery but it wasn’t some ‘magic answer’

Ellen’s turning point came when she went to go back to her mother’s (who now has another partner) and she stays on their ranch (?) and runs up into the mountains and then comes back and allows her mother to bottle feed her? I’m sorry, I know everyone has different struggles but I found this scene extremely difficult to watch and, idk, degrading? Because it is sending out the message that those who suffer from an eating disorder are ‘weak’ and ‘fragile’ and need to be ‘cuddled and cared for’ and okay their relationship may have a lot of healing to do and maybe she wasn’t held much as a child and I feel very sorry for her, but at 20 years old they need to be given the tools in order for them to build on their relationship and work together. And yes she might need her mum to hold her hand at times and give her a hug and cuddle etc, we all need that but to be bottle feeding her from a babies bottle whilst she is cradled in her lab was just a step too far in my opinion and made me feel very uncomfortable.

Behaviours....lord were they everywhere. The way she was pushing food around the plate, cutting it into very small pieces. The purging advice that was being given in the treatment house kitchen?, the vomit found under the bed, the different foods they were ‘allowed’ to eat (because yes the patients could chose exactly what they wanted to eat (a whole tub of peanut butter for one girl or two boiled eggs for another), and that restaurant scene...I am sorry but that scene was hideous and horrible to watch. And the fact that they pretended to be cancer patients...no.

I feel like they romanticised quite a lot of the realities of living with an eating disorder - many of which I am sure were to add that ‘Hollywood’ touch to make it more marketable, however I think it has done a lot more hurt than good.

As for the ending...I hated it. Okay great, Ellen was ready to head back to treatment and push forwards and have a life beyond Anorexia, however there was some TERRIBLE acting, followed by her walking up to the door of treatment and that was it. No talk or recovery or how to reach out for recovery or how to ask for help. No sign of her actually going THROUGH recovery and having those ‘little wins’ that make you see how worth it it is. No. They made sure to focus a straight on face shot with heavy make up to make her look even thinner and that was it. 

What would I have done differently?Pretty much 99% of it. And the biggest bit that I WISH they had put in would have been HOW to get help and what the process of recovery entails. Because despite being in the house for the majority of the film, Ellen spends the whole time refusing ‘treatment’. It would have been nice to have seen her move forwards and begin to learn what having a life can feel/be like again. I would have liked a bit more HOPE. I really hoped that this film would be more informative and less focused on the weight/appearance side of things, but this is Hollywood I suppose. Could it have been done in a slightly different way to help this? yes. I do not believe that films are the right route to go down to raise awareness, a series, perhaps, and documentaries too, but this was just a shambles. I know I said at the beginning it was not terrible, I think I take that back now, on reflection it was terrible and I know everyone will have different reviews but I was left highly disappointed and saddened by this piece of work.

[thestanceyg]

Prompt : Tony is romantically attracted to Darcy and feel so ashamed/guilty about that because he Loves Pepper, he really do. Until Darcy and Pepper have a conversation about it because Pepper Potts is badass enough to not feel threatened by an other woman. They agree that Darcy will explain to Tony the polyamori concept. I want badass emotionally​ mature women and a Tony hurt by the toxic masculinity notion his father taught him. Wish you liked it

Darcy Lewis was normally very good at knowing when someone was attracted to her, and furthermore, when it went more than, erm, “chest deep.” But this specific man was making her rethink everything.  Tony Stark tended to be a chest deep kinda guy, and when he stopped being one, it was for Pepper Potts.  So why was he looking at her with such longing when he thought she wouldn’t see?

Pepper Potts was exceptionally good at reading Tony Stark. It had actually been her paid job for quite a while. And while it still was kind of her job, it was also a personal choice. For the last month, she had watched Tony become confused, then agitated, and now guilty about the feelings he had developed for Dr. Foster’s assistant. She had thought they were doing so well on the communication front, but perhaps not.  If he would just talk to her, he might be surprised to find that Pepper felt the same way about the woman.

Tony Stark had a problem.  He was in love with Pepper, but he couldn’t help but be attracted to Darcy.  At first he was sure it was just her rockin’ bod, but as time went on and those feeling only got deeper, he realized he was in serious trouble.  Maybe his father was right.  Perhaps he just wasn’t hardwired to be monogamous. He hated it when dear ol’ dad was right. Maybe if he just ignored it, it would go away and he wouldn’t have to deal with any of these feelings, both of arousal and guilt.

Pepper had arranged the little lunch, and she was glad she had picked the more upscale place that provided a bit more privacy. Plus, she really enjoyed the way Darcy’s legs looked in the skirt and heels she had worn to match the dress code.  Of course Pepper had considered that, too, when picking their lunch destination.

“Wow Pepper,” Darcy said with a soft, happy sigh as they were seated.  “This place is amazing.  Are you sure you meant to bring me here and not some business contact?”

“Of course I meant to bring you here,” she said as her eyes flicked over the menu.  “However, I must admit that this is a more than friendly lunch.”

“Oh?” Darcy asked, looking up from her own menu.

“That part can wait until our food arrives. I suggest the salmon, if you enjoy fish.”

“Is his going to be a business meeting that I am woefully underprepared for because I didn’t know what was happening?”

“Of course not.  I said more than friendly.  It has nothing to do with business.” Pepper gave a small smile as she enjoyed her little play on words.

Darcy frowned a bit but went back to her menu.  Once their orders were placed, they chatted about everyday things - how Darcy was enjoying the city, how Pepper liked the office redecoration she had completed, how the labs were.

As soon as their waiter dropped their food and left, Pepper got straight to the point. “Darcy, I’m sure you’ve noticed how Tony looks at you.”

“I don’t know how to make him stop,” Darcy said immediately.

“Oh, that’s not why I asked you here.”

“Are you going to make me leave?” she asked in a small voice.

“Heavens no.  I’m wondering if you’re interested too.”

“In Tony?”

“In both of us.”

Darcy stopped for a moment and considered Pepper’s words.  Pepper appreciated that she was giving it thought rather than answering straight away.  She was certain this meant that whatever answer she received would be more than just hormones talking.  Eventually Sarcy looked her in the eye and said, “Yes, I would be.”

Pepper smiled.  “I’m so glad you said yes because as much as I enjoy looking at you in that skirt, I’d love to watch you take it off.”  Darcy blushed a soft pink. “I’m also curious how far that blush covers,” she said calmly, taking another bite of her salad.

Darcy’s blush ran hotter, but she wasn’t going to back down from this clear challenge. “I’m certain you have some excellent lingerie.  I’d love a fashion show sometime.”

Pepper gave a soft laugh.  “Oh, we’re going to get along just fine. Now then, there’s just the small issue of Tony…”

Darcy had ended up agreeing to be the one to talk to Tony.  They had decided that Pepper’s acknowledgement of his attraction to Darcy might seem more threatening than if Darcy tackled the issue.  This was how she found herself inside his lab a quick hour later.

“Busy,” Tony called over his shoulder, not bothering to look at who was actually there.

“I think you’ll have time for this conversation,” Darcy said as she made her way over to him, the soft click of her heels lost in the sound of the pounding music pumping through the lab. Tony turned to look at her as soon as he heard her voice.

His eyes quickly raked over her body.  “What can I do for you Lewis,” he said with a small lick to his lips that she was sure he didn’t realize he had done.

“I’m not blind, you know,” she started. “I can see how you look at me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, turning away.

“You’re not the only man to have ever looked at me like that, Tony.”

“I’m with Pep.  Love her too.”

“I’m aware.”

“Then why are you here, Lewis?”

She stepped closer to him, and took a step back, almost bumping into the lab table behind him.  “Have you ever seen the way she looks at me?”  This seemed to freeze him.  She was a touch worried that she had broken him. “What about the way that I look at her?” she pressed on.

That seemed to kick him back into gear.  “So, what?  You’re going to steal her from me?”

“No, no, no, I like us much better all together.”

“Like a threesome?”

“I’m not talking one night of sex, Tony.  I’m talking about a relationship.  All of us, together.”

“Is that?  Can…?  But…?”

“It’s called polyamory, Tony.  I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.”

“But that’s just being selfish.  It isn’t fair to Pepper.”

Darcy smiled and pulled out her phone, flicking to a picture and then turning it toward him.  “Does this look like a woman that thinks it’s unfair?”  His eyes practically bulged out of his head as he took in the picture they had taken before she had gone to the lab. It showed a smug Pepper taking the photo while Darcy kissed at her neck.  Pepper’s pupils were dilated, clearly enjoying the moment.  “Anyway, I’m heading back up to finish what I started.  If you’re interested in something more than just one night, you know where to find us.”

Tony practically fell over himself trying to follow her to the elevator.

[tommyoboe]

YEAR 3 - WEEK 10.

Well then.

Ten weeks now I have been back in my beloved city of Birmingham, and it’s now at this point where I reflect on the term and how things have changed since summer, now a very distant dream like thought.

This has been the longest I’ve gone without seeing my family back home in Hull, and it’s a difficult fact as over the last two and a bit years I have suffered with a fair amount of homesickness, but at the same time, and my mum agreed with me over a phone call the other day about this, I think it’s done me a lot of good.

I feel a new sense of independence and determination to go out and get what I want and to achieve my goals in full, this is the best place for me right now. With that in mind I intend to make as much use of this city as possible in the next year and a half, and if that means sticking around more and taking opportunities here, then that is what I shall do.

The start of my new bar job last month was another factor I considered in staying here in Birmingham on a more long term basis, which I had to say was improving gradually with time, with some fun dancing on tables at Monday’s staff meeting (fun but trashy as fuck). But by the time Saturday came round I was filled with my usual dread as I prepared to make the cold dark lonely journey over there, so much so that after an emotional chat with Cameron (emotional for other reasons too) I decided to pack the whole thing in. I wasn’t happy; it was taking over my thinking; I couldn’t concentrate and be happy doing the things I love. And although after a knackering, back aching shift where I was shouted at like the poor child (borderline dog) of a parent who should frankly not be a parent, to my slight surprise but happiness I was let go anyway for my lack of availability and commitment in the lead up to Christmas: fair enough, although when she pulled out the ‘I’ve got to think of the business’ card and then the fucking cheeky (not my kind of cheeky) ‘you clearly don’t need this job’, I had to restrain myself from saying something I’d later regret. Cheek of that though, very below the belt. Of course, my lovely smiling exterior prevailed. Oh, I’m so good at that.

But regardless, today I woke up after not a lot of sleep but feeling mentally refreshed and ready to fully pursue my dreams and ambitions (cliché but true), and the motivation now to look for music related work is almost literally burning inside me - I’m so excited! The future’s bright.

With that behind me I also realised I’ll get longer at home over Christmas, and this is one of the most wonderful thoughts of all. I’m actually at the point where I get super giddy thinking about seeing my family and friends back home again; so many good times are going to be had! And ending City of Culture 2017 in the beautiful city itself will be the biggest delight.

And although I’ll be busy with essays and practice over Christmas, to do it all in the comfort of my true home (although Birmingham is definitely my second home now) and feel like I’m actually on a break will be just lovely. Thinking about simple nights with my parents watching the soaps and having a good laugh on our separate sofas in itself fills me with warmth. (Yes, this is the soppiest I’ll get. I think.)

I can’t wait to catch up with everyone back home too! So much has happened  that I need to be filled in on, and I can safely say the same applies to me and my stories from the term. My mum seemed surprised and amused when I said I’d gone for Japanese food alone Monday night before my work meeting. To be fair, I was too.

I guess I have changed a bit in the last couple of months, but at the same time, I’ll always be the same sarcy (occasionally likeable) fucker that I’ve always been.

I did see some light in the midst of this stressful term on Monday though, when my teacher Jenni excitedly broke the news to me that I would be receiving a huge grant practically covering the whole cost of a brand new oboe. I had to reread the email sent to both of us a good ten times before it fully sank in; it was just the best feeling knowing that taking this step in the near future will hopefully elevate my playing and move things forward in a big way. Conveniently Crowthers of Canterbury were coming on Wednesday for us oboists to try some of their instruments. With this in mind I took two quickly and tried them the next day in orchestra rehearsals, and as my fellow players in the wind section and I noted, the difference was great. Going back to my current oboe that afternoon felt like a quite a hit after the sounds I made in the morning. But yeah, that’s going to be a wonderful step in the right direction!

As well as my private teaching this week, where my current student’s friend started with me from scratch (that was fun, and I think she enjoyed it too so yippee!), I had my teacher training assessment for the programme I’ve been undertaking this term along with all my other commitments, and that as well was really fun. I didn’t feel too nervous going off to teach three beginners for twenty minutes, knowing anything could happen and I’d just roll with it, and that’s exactly what I did, and yeah, it was great. I got excellent feedback and beneficial tips for improvement, which I’m eager to apply to my own students and hopefully more that I eventually acquire. I came away from it inspired to look into all sorts of teaching opportunities, so fingers crossed something comes up!

The latter half of the week was dominated with the viola (who would have thought) as the conservatoire was hosting the Cecil Aronowitz International Viola Competition this week, and I became part of the orchestra for the final of this prestigious event. I love orchestral projects, and despite the mental challenge of performing five viola concertos, one after the other, two of them the same pieces, this one was no different and just about everything pulled together just in time for the concert. I had some fabulous oboe bits, including one ‘ducky’ low bit in a fugue section in Hindemith’s Der Schwanendreher, which was just such fun. Oh, I’d love to do that all the time. One day…

Other highlights this week have included getting a food delivery from back home including lots of biscuits and wine (yes then); fancy curry with Cameron on Tuesday and (much needed) drinks with friends after Friday’s concert. And to end the week I’m off to Cameron’s for stew and chill (is that a thing…well, I guess it is now).

Feeling super refreshed and ready to take on the last few weeks of term!

The future really is bright.

T