#also yes this is my sales pitch

[lorepossum]

Hiromasa, literally one minute after meeting an innocent, pretty Ordainian who’s literally just there to try and sell mead:

[impulsivelycontentious]

Uh babe? Being an ass about people's spelling illustrates more how out of touch YOU are than how out of touch THEY are. There are many reasons spelling doesn't always work out or people have wrong ideas about words - of which not reading compex text is not one of them.

Also you should absolutely read spinning silver. It's good shit. 🤷‍♀️

I dunnow maybe read for fun more often than for clout. Reading at all is good. Difficulty with analysing isn't because of the subject matter - we see EXACTLY the same issue with media literacy in film. People have been mad at how progressive star trek is compared to the good old days since what, the second series?

It's a cultural issue and making people read classics isn't going to solve it. Ironically, the best way to better analyze media is to have honest discussions about it.

And part of that is not being condescending and driving people away from reading because what they enjoy doesn't meet your standards of dep enough. You're SUPPOSED to offer things with similar themes or characters - you know, like librarians generally can, and help expand people's horizons via love of the work.

Not whatever this was.

No babe it’s so cool and hot that you always insist that fantasy books written to meet a 4th graders’ comprehension skills have more complex themes and a greater sense of praxis than anything written for adults

[kaidatheghostdragon]

Found this while going through my fanfic files, and i absolutely had to share.

Danny: i want in

Red robin: …what?

Danny: your bat family. I want in.

Red robin, blinking in surprise: i dont know what you think you know about my associates, but we're not-

Danny: dont be obtuse. I know youre the smart one. And i also know that your all one big relatively happy family. I want in.

Red robin: …why?

Danny: because you guys are the first people ive found that are wealthy, intelligent and powerful enough to take on my fruitloop godfather and win AND are decent enough human beings that i can be assured that when all is said and done, my well-being will remain a top priority.

Orphan, appearing out of nowhere: new brother!

Danny: *stares in shock*

Danny: *sudden uncanny grin* well that's one convinced. How do i win over the rest?

Orphan: no need. New brother!

Red robin: *pointed glance of betrayal* fine. Who is your godfather?

Danny: vlad masters. He's a fruitloop.

Red robin: for real? B's been investigating him for years! Tell me everything! *genuinely excited for a new lead*

Danny: well, he's tried to murder my dad and marry my mom, gained his wealth illegally, committed voting fraud to become the mayor of my hometown, has a secret underground lab where he does unethical experiments, and he's abducted me more than a dozen times even before my parents disowned me to make me his evil apprentice or whatever. Now that im homeless, he's literally out to get me. Oh! And he's cloned me too! She's cool though, we're buddies now.

Batman, who just arrived but heard everything over comms: hn. (Translation: who are you?)

Danny: my name is Danny. No last name anymore, but im hoping itll soon be Wayne! *winking suggestively*

Batman: hn? (how much do you know?)

Danny: enough to know that youre a much better alternative to vlad.

Batman: …hn (i dont know anything about you. What if youre a spy for vlad?)

Danny, giving his salesman pitch: i was a teen vigilante in amity park before i had to run away from home for my own safety. Vlad is one of my rogues. I know how to fight and defend myself, how to minimize collateral damage in a fight, and ive gotten really good and escaping kidnapping attempts. Ive also managed to reform and/or make allies out of approximately half of my rogues and can talk down about 30% of all rogue confrontations before they turn into a messy fight. The other things i can bring to the table are: one, i can teach all of you guys proper liminality self care; two, i can probably minimize and possibly cure red hood's anger issues; three, i can get along with stabby robin because i consider fighting a friendly social interaction - he can even stab me and i wont be injured by it; four, i can be your go-to guy for supernatural cases so you no longer have to deal with that sad trenchcoat man; five-

Red robin: *blurting* youre hired.

Batman: hn (i am deeply concerned)

Danny: if youre concerned now, wait until i tell you about the anti ecto control act

Nightwing, who showed up in the middle of the sales pitch: ive never seen anyone crack B's grunt language so quickly

Danny: grunt language? He's just using ghost speak - which will be covered by the liminality self care lessons

Robin, who arrived with batman: what is a liminal?

Danny: all of you, of course! Otherwise you wouldnt need to learn about it, obviously

Robin: and why would we trust you?

Danny: did i mention i have a pet ghost dog?

Robin: …you drive a hard bargain

Danny, fist pumping: yes! That's three!

Nightwing: four, you got me when you could understand B's grunting

Red Hood, arrived with nightwing: five, assuming you arent lying about the pit rage

Danny, hand to his chest: i would never!

Orphan: honesty. Earnest. New brother.

Oracle, over comms: six. The anti ecto acts are legit and im terrified for his safety, assuming he's phantom, who is the vigilante of amity park

Spoiler, arrived with orphan: seven, as long as youre down for a few pranks

Batman: hn (ive been outvoted)

Batman: hnn (i dont wanna hear any jokes about adoption habits when you all forced my hand)

Batman: hn (that said)

Batman: welcome to the family

Duke, the next day: man, i miss out on everything exciting.

Duke, blinded by danny: and who the fuck told bruce he could adopt the fucking sun?!

[13thdoodle]

[ EctoberHaunt 2024 Banner ]

Hi hiii~ I get to draw the banner again for @ectoberhaunt this year~ It was a lot of fun :DD

I wasn't sure how to incorporate the gold and silver at first but I think it turn out pretty good

Also thank you to Enn for helping me with the flats I would've pewished ksjadnaksj Sketches and some ramblings under cut

Here's the initial sketch for the banner. I tried my best to keep it close to the sketch or at least have the same energy (hopefully qwq)

As you can see, I drew Sam and Tucker riding a scooter bike originally. But the banner, I try to get as close to canon design as possible. I could not for the live of me remember what episode has the scooter bike. And.. turns out I might've just misremembered the scooter as a motor bike? so I just draw the scooter lol

(This is from the Killer Garage Sale episode btw. I couldn't find the scooter's pict on the wiki so I gotta screenshot it from the episode)

Also speaking of couldn't find reference pictures in the fandom wiki,

I couldn't find pictures of the college trio full body screenshots there. Only the Vlad leaning into the portal while Maddie and Jack looked away. Very useful references, yes.

I used to think that Jack was the worst one here about lab safety (considering he was the main reason the portal exploded on Vlad's face), but Maddie is no better after watching the episode again. Girlie wear big round earrings and leg warmers in the lab. Pretty sure that's... not very safety. Vlad is not better since he does lean very close into the radiation portal so... lol

Anyway, I tried to incorporate their dynamics in the banner. Jack the very excited one and leading the ghost hunt, Maddie following along with more ghost gears, and Vlad... well, I was thinking Vlad could be the 'rational' of the trio and like brings stuffs the other two wouldn't have thought to bring out of excitement (i.e. flashlights in case they need to go through pitch black tunnel so they don't fall off etc etc)

But... you know, that's giving Vlad too many points than he deserves lol. So, I draw Vlad still bringing the bag of extra stuffs, but it's not fully closed so some stuffs fell off on their trails. They all should share braincells and Vlad does not get a turn lol

Also changed Maddie's clothes and give her the teal suit to match Jack and also looks better when she's running

There's not much I can say about the main trio process? I mostly just want Sam to be the one driving the scooter while Tucker handles the navigations or sth. They get to ride scooters to catch up with Danny~

Danny and Tucker's colors a bit ashy bc I color picked them from low res screenshots askjdnaksj I fixed em on the final tho so yea

O yeah, I don't know if it's visible on the final art, but I initially try to give the kids warm shadings and cold lighting (Silver), and the college trio cold shadows and warm lighting (Gold) to fit the themes.

Also the light source.. sorta? The adults has the light source from behind them bc they are in past/past the age in the drawings? And the kids has their light source from in front of them, going into the future and the many things ahead of them kajsdnaksd

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hello ! Just so Agatha all along and I have a request if it's ok 😊

How Agatha will convince witch!reader who has a crush on her to join her in the witch road 👉👈

Gn reader if possible

Thank you ! 😁

Agatha would probably be aware of your feelings in all honesty, and she couldn’t blame you! She’s amazing!

However she’s probably use this infatuation with her to her advantage when her and ‘teen’ come over to your home, following the trail of magic that drew them there. It was noticeable, stronger the other witches she’s recruited but still there was room for growth and new powers.

‘What tricks are we going to have to use to recruit this witch/wiccan?’ Teen asked Agatha as they stood on your doorstep.

‘No tricks, this one’s got a little thing for me, it’s adorable but it means that most of the work in convincing them has been cut out for us.’ Agatha replied as she went to knock on the door, only for it to open on its own to reveal you on the other side.

‘How did?’ Teen questioned.

‘I could sense you the moment you drove into the driveway, your magic is far more potent than others.’ You answered as you stepped to one side with a welcoming smile. ‘Want to step inside and continue this conversation because I don’t think the neighbours will want to hear about the sales pitch you’re bound to give me into joining your cult.’ You add.

‘It’s not a cult it’s a coven.’ Teen interrupts but you weren’t listening when Agatha moved past you, making sure to brush her hand against the back of yours as she does, and immediately you felt your resolve to stand your ground crumble like a deck of cards. It must’ve been obvious as teen only looked at you knowingly as he past into your house and once they were both inside, you shut the door harder then you should’ve but at this point you wanted this to be over with.

‘Go on then, convince me to join you on your journey to the witches’ road.’ You crossed your arms over your chest.

‘I’m assuming you’re more than aware of the fact that if you were to make it to the end of the road, any wish your heart desires can be granted.’ Agatha started.

‘I do know this factoid, yes.’ You said and Agatha crept closer to you until you were a hair’s width away from one another as she now spoke lowly. ‘Then I’m also lead to assume that you know that extends to crushes, infatuations, all that important stuff also.’

‘Yes but I’d much rather the feeling to be mutual without the usage of magic, as ironic as that sounds.’ You replied as you stared deeply into her beautiful eyes.

‘And it can be,’ Agatha whispered as she grasped your hands with her own, intertwining your fingers, ‘I really need you by my side y/n as my moral support, my confidant and my strength during the most difficult situations that we’ll face.’ Agatha could see that you were buying her sales pitch into getting you on the witches road, but knew she couldn’t stop there and decided to make this visit short and sweet she adds.

‘I wouldn’t want anyone else to join me on the witches’ road other then you my dear, you have the potential to be the most powerful witch/wiccan in our coven. All those other witches can barely hold a candle to your fire. I need you.’ She finishes and teen had to give it to Agatha, she was certainly an actress when she needed to be as he watched you both as though he was watching his favourite drama.

You were at war with yourself. You swore that you wouldn’t resort to magic for even the most simplest things, never less the witches’s road, you knew the stories of how dangerous it was but your infatuation with Agatha tended to lead you into doing something stupid; even agreeing to going on the Witches’ road with nothing but the hope that Agatha might actually see you for once.

However before you could reason with yourself, your mouth moved faster then your brain could intervene with logic and common sense. ‘Fine, I’ll join.’

‘Yes!’ Agatha and teen cried as Agatha brought you into her arms, holding you tight so that you didn’t see the smirk across her face, that wasn’t so hard if anything it was barely even took her five minutes to get you to say yes; she didn’t understand why she didn’t come to you first just to get it over and done with, every other witch before you was a tougher nut to crack then the last. You were merely the reward for a hard days work.

‘You won’t regret this darling, that I promise you along with power, love and so much more.’ Agatha tells you as she rubs your back.

You poor, idiotic fool, let’s pray you do survive the road and not die with a broken heart when you realise the truth…

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Social Quitting

In “Social Quitting,” my latest Locus Magazine column, I advance a theory to explain the precipitous vibe shift in how many of us view the once-dominant social media platforms, Facebook and Twitter, and how it is that we have so quickly gone asking what we can do to get these services out of our lives to where we should go now that we’re all ready to leave them:

https://locusmag.com/2023/01/commentary-cory-doctorow-social-quitting/

The core of the argument revolves around surpluses — that is, the value that exists in the service. For a user, surpluses are things like “being able to converse with your friends” and “being able to plan activities with your friends.” For advertisers, surpluses are things like “being able to target ads based on the extraction and processing of private user data” and “being able to force users to look at ads before they can talk to one another.”

For the platforms, surpluses are things like, “Being able to force advertisers and business customers to monetize their offerings through the platform, blocking rivals like Onlyfans, Patreon, Netflix, Amazon, etc” and things like “Being able to charge more for ads” and “being able to clone your business customers’ products and then switch your users to the in-house version.”

Platforms control most of the surplus-allocating options. They can tune your feed so that it mostly consists of media and text from people you explicitly chose to follow, or so that it consists of ads, sponsored posts, or posts they think will “boost engagement” by sinking you into a dismal clickhole. They can made ads skippable or unskippable. They can block posts with links to rival sites to force their business customers to transact within their platform, so they can skim fat commissions every time money changes hands and so that they can glean market intelligence about which of their business customers’ products they should clone and displace.

But platforms can’t just allocate surpluses will-ye or nill-ye. No one would join a brand-new platform whose sales-pitch was, “No matter who you follow, we’ll show you other stuff; there will be lots of ads that you can’t skip; we will spy on you a lot.” Likewise, no one would sign up to advertise or sell services on a platform whose pitch was “Our ads are really expensive. Any business you transact has to go through us, and we’ll take all your profits in junk fees. This also lets us clone you and put you out of business.”

Instead, platforms have to carefully shift their surpluses around: first they have to lure in users, who will attract business customers, who will generate the fat cash surpluses that can be creamed off for the platforms’ investors. All of this has to be orchestrated to lock in each group, so that they won’t go elsewhere when the service is enshittified as it processes through its life-cycle.

This is where network effects and switching costs come into play. A service has “network effects” if it gets more valuable as users join it. You joined Twitter to talk to the people who were already using it, and then other people joined so they could talk to you.

“Switching costs” are what you have to give up when you leave a service: if a service is siloed — if it blocks interoperability with rivals — then quitting that service means giving up access to the people whom you left behind. This is the single most important difference between ActivityPub-based Fediverse services like Mastodon and the silos like Twitter and Facebook — you can quit a Fediverse server and set up somewhere else, and still maintain your follows and followers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/23/semipermeable-membranes/#free-as-in-puppies

In the absence of interoperability, network effects impose their own switching cost: the “collective action problem” of deciding when to leave and where to go. If you depend on the people you follow and who follow you — for emotional support, for your livelihood, for community — then the extreme difficulty of convincing everyone to leave at the same time and go somewhere else means that you can be enticed into staying on a service that you no longer enjoy. The platforms can shift the surpluses away from you, provided that doing so makes you less miserable than abandoning your friends or fans or customers would. This is the Fiddler On the Roof problem: everyone stays put in the shtetl even though the cossacks ride through on the reg and beat the shit out of them, because they can’t all agree on where to go if they leave:

https://doctorow.medium.com/how-to-leave-dying-social-media-platforms-9fc550fe5abf

So the first stage of the platform lifecycle is luring in users by allocating lots of surplus to them — making the service fun and great and satisfying to use. Few or no ads, little or no overt data-collection, feeds that emphasize the people you want to hear from, not the people willing to pay to reach you.

This continues until the service attains a critical mass: once it becomes impossible to, say, enroll your kid in a little-league baseball team without having a Facebook account, then Facebook can start shifting its surpluses to advertisers and other business-users of the platform, who will pay Facebook to interpose themselves in your use of the platform. You’ll hate it, but you won’t leave. Junior loves little-league.

Facebook can enshittify its user experience because the users are now locked in, holding each other hostage. If Facebook can use the courts and technological countermeasures to block interoperable services, it can increase its users’ switching costs, producing more opportunities for lucrative enshittification without the risk of losing the users that make Facebook valuable to advertisers. That’s why Facebook pioneered so many legal tactics for criminalizing interoperability:

https://www.eff.org/cases/facebook-v-power-ventures

This is the second phase of the toxic platform life-cycle: luring in business customers by shifting surpluses from users to advertisers, sellers, etc. This is the moment when the platforms offer cheap and easy monetization, low transaction fees, few barriers to off-platform monetization, etc. This is when, for example, a news organization can tease an article on its website with an off-platform link, luring users to click through and see the ads it controls.

Because Facebook has locked in its users through mutual hostage-taking, it can pollute their feeds with lots of these posts to news organizations’ sites, bumping down the messages from its users’ friends, and that means that Facebook can selectively tune how much traffic it gives to different kinds of business customers. If Facebook wants to lure in sports sites, it can cram those sites’ posts into millions of users’ feeds and send floods of traffic to sports outlets.

Outlets that don’t participate in Facebook lose out, and so they join Facebook, start shoveling their content into it, hiring SEO Kremlinologists to help them figure out how to please The Algorithm, in hopes of gaining a permanent, durable source of readers (and thus revenue) for their site.

But ironically, once a critical mass of sports sites are on Facebook, Facebook no longer needs to prioritize sports sites in its users’ feeds. Now that the sports sites all believe that a Facebook presence is a competitive necessity, they will hold each other hostage there, egging each other on to put more things on Facebook, even as the traffic dwindles.

Once sports sites have taken each other hostage, Facebook can claw back the surplus it allocated to them and use it to rope in another sector — health sites, casual games, employment seekers, financial advisors, etc etc. Each group is ensnared by a similar dynamic to the one that locks in the users.

But there is a difference between users’ surpluses and business’s surpluses. A user’s surplus is attention, and there is no such thing as an “attention economy.” You can’t use attention to pay for data-centers, or executive bonuses, or to lobby Congress. Attention is not a currency in the same way that cryptos are not currency — it is not a store of value, nor a unit of exchange, nor or a unit of account.

Turning attention into money requires the same tactics as turning crypto into money — you have to lure in people who have real, actual money and convince them to swap it for attention. With crypto, this involved paying Larry David, Matt Damon, Spike Lee and LeBron James to lie about crypto’s future in order to rope in suckers who would swap their perfectly cromulent “fiat” money for unspendable crypto tokens.

With platforms, you need to bring in business customers who get paid in actual cash and convince them to give you that cash in exchange for ethereal, fast-evaporating, inconstant, unmeasurable “attention.” This works like any Ponzi scheme (that is, it works like cryptos): you can use your shareholders’ cash to pay short-term returns to business customers, losing a little money as a convincer that brings in more trade.

That’s what Facebook did when it sent enormous amounts of traffic to a select few news-sites that fell for the pivot to video fraud, in order to convince their competitors to borrow billions of dollars to finance Facebook’s bid to compete with Youtube:

https://doctorow.medium.com/metaverse-means-pivot-to-video-adbe09319038

This convincer strategy is found in every con. If you go to the county fair, you’ll see some poor bastard walking around all day with a giant teddy bear that he “won” by throwing three balls into a peach-basket. The carny who operated that midway game let him win the teddy precisely so that he would walk around all day, advertising the game, which is rigged so that no one else wins the giant teddy-bear:

https://boingboing.net/2006/08/27/rigged-carny-game.html

Social media platforms can allocate giant teddy-bears to business-customers, and it can also withdraw them at will. Careful allocations mean that the platform can rope in a critical mass of business customers and then begin the final phase of its life-cycle: allocating surpluses to its shareholders.

We know what this looks like.

Rigged ad-markets:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_Blue

Understaffed content moderation departments:

https://www.dw.com/en/twitters-sacking-of-content-moderators-will-backfire-experts-warn/a-63778330

Knock-off products:

https://techcrunch.com/2021/12/08/twitter-is-the-latest-platform-to-test-a-tiktok-copycat-feature/

Nuking “trust and safety”:

https://www.reuters.com/technology/twitter-dissolves-trust-safety-council-2022-12-13/

Hiding posts that have links to rival services:

https://www.makeuseof.com/content-types-facebook-hides-why/

Or blocking posts that link to rival services:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/19/better-failure/#let-my-tweeters-go

Or worse, terminating accounts for linking to rival services:

https://blog.joinmastodon.org/2022/12/twitter-suspends-mastodon-account-prevents-sharing-links/

That is, once a platform has its users locked in, and has its business customers locked in, it can enshittify its service to the point of near uselessness without losing either, allocating all the useful surplus in the business to its shareholders.

But this strategy has a problem: users and business customers don’t like to be locked in! They will constantly try to find ways to de-enshittify your service and/or leave for greener pastures. And being at war with your users and business customers means that your reputation continuously declines, because every time a user or business customer figures out a way to claw back some surplus, you have to visibly, obviously enshittify your service wrestle it back.

Every time a service makes headlines for blocking an ad-blocker, or increasing its transaction fees, or screwing over its users or business customers in some other way, it makes the case that the price you pay for using the service is not worth the value it delivers.

In other words, the platforms try to establish an equilibrium where they only leave business customers and users with the absolute bare minimum needed to keep them on the service, and extract the rest for their shareholders. But this is a very brittle equilibrium, because the prices that platforms impose on their users and business customers can change very quickly, even if the platforms don’t do anything differently.

Users and business customers can revalue the privacy costs, or the risks of staying on the platform based on exogenous factors. Privacy scandals and other ruptures can make the cost you’ve been paying for years seem higher than you realized and no longer worth it.

This problem isn’t unique to social media platforms, either. It’s endemic to end-stage capitalism, where companies can go on for years paying their workers just barely enough to survive (or even less, expecting them to get public assistance and/or a side-hustle), and those workers can tolerate it, and tolerate it, and tolerate it — until one day, they stop.

The Great Resignation, Quiet Quitting, the mass desertions from the gig economy — they all prove the Stein’s Law: “Anything that can’t go on forever will eventually stop.”

Same for long, brittle supply-chains, where all the surplus has been squeezed out: concentrating all the microchip production in China and Taiwan, all the medical saline in Puerto Rico, all the shipping into three cartels… This strategy works well, and can be perfectly tuned with mathematical models that cut right to the joint, and they work and they work.

Until they stop. Until covid. Or war. Or wildfires. Or floods. Or interest rate hikes. Or revolution. All this stuff works great until you wake up and discover that the delicate balance between paying for guard labor and paying for a fair society has tilted, and now there’s a mob building a guillotine outside the gates of your luxury compound.

This is the force underpinning collapse: “slow at first, then all at once.” A steady erosion of the failsafes, flensing all the slack out of the system, extracting all the surpluses until there’s nothing left in the reservoir, no reason to stay.

It’s what caused the near-collapse of Barnes and Noble, and while there are plenty of ways to describe James Daunt’s successful turnaround, the most general characterization is, “He has reallocated the company’s surpluses to workers, readers, writers and publishers”:

https://tedgioia.substack.com/p/what-can-we-learn-from-barnes-and

A system can never truly stabilize. This is why utopias are nonsense: even if you design the most perfect society in which everything works brilliantly, it will still have to cope with war and meteors and pandemics and other factors beyond your control. A system can’t just work well, it has to fail well.

This is why I object so strenuously to people who characterize my 2017 novel Walkaway as a “dystopian novel.” Yes, the protagonists are eking out survival amidst a climate emergency and a failing state, but they aren’t giving up, they’re building something new:

https://locusmag.com/2017/06/bruce-sterling-reviews-cory-doctorow/

“Dystopia” isn’t when things go wrong. Assuming nothing will go wrong doesn’t make you an optimist, it makes you an asshole. A dangerous asshole. Assuming nothing will go wrong is why they didn’t put enough lifeboats on the Titanic. Dystopia isn’t where things go wrong. Dystopia is when things go wrong, and nothing can be done about it.

Anything that can’t go on forever will eventually stop. The social media barons who reeled users and business customers into a mutual hostage-taking were confident that their self-licking ice-cream cone — in which we all continued to energetically produce surpluses for them to harvest, because we couldn’t afford to leave — would last forever.

They were wrong. The important thing about the Fediverse isn’t that it’s noncommercial or decentralized — it’s that its design impedes surplus harvesting. The Fediverse is designed to keep switching costs as low as possible, by enshrining the Right Of Exit into the technical architecture of the system. The ability to leave a service without paying a price is the best defense we have against the scourge of enshittification.

(Thanks to Tim Harford for inspiring this column via an offhand remark in his kitchen a couple months ago!)

[Image ID: The Phillip Medhurst Picture Torah 397. The Israelites collect manna. Exodus cap 16 v 14. Luyken and son.]

[sixosix]

hiii i fear tumblr may have ate my ask so i'll say it again just in case--if not im so sorry please ignore this i don't mean to rush you or anything :')

wanderer, candy(does that count?), fluff!! :D

(oh oh also can i be 🪐anon/saturn anon? if not thats fine! i just thought i'd ask since i think i've been sending asks consistently enough to identify myself ^^)

notes wc 800; HII your ask wasnt eaten, i was just taking a long time writing the requests LMFAO. of course u can be saturn anon!!! welcome welcome to the blog (this ask was sent a month ago and i am very much late. idek if anon is still active here…) tbh i wrote this and just went with the flow HAHA

5K EVENT SPECIAL | EVENT MASTERLIST

You unceremoniously dump the pile of imported goods on the table, causing quite a scene in the silence of the House of Daena. They scattered about, and some even clattered onto the floor. You grinned proudly at your friends’ dumbfounded stares.

Tighnari was the first to speak. “I’m assuming you had fun on your vacation in Inazuma?”

“Do you even have money left?” Alhaitham asked, quite incredulously. The most emotion you’ve seen from this month.

It took you a moment to respond, and you felt momentarily distracted by the strange sensation of being watched. “Well, no,” you said eventually. “But I bought all this for you guys! Be more grateful, will you?”

Kaveh clapped his hands. “This is incredible! I haven’t gotten the chance to try any of these local delicacies from Inazuma!”

You nodded approvingly. See? Was that so hard? “Yes, I know. Aren’t I such a good friend? You’re welcome, all of you.”

Belatedly, they mutter their thanks.

You went on a tangent, reciting the food sales pitch you memorized from the sellers, feeling remarkably intelligent. They didn’t have to know that, half the time, you were the personification of a lost tourist/foreigner/idiot in Inazuma and just decided to play it safe and keep most of the souvenirs as food.

They segregated their wanted share and thanked you again. They left you some of the candy, which you had no qualms about eating for yourself. As you all fell into the lull of a conversation, the feeling worsened, and you’ve had enough.

You turned to your friends. “He’s been staring at me for about 30 minutes now…”

They each cast their discreet glances.

“Are you scared?” Kaveh asked worriedly.

“Look at that look in his eye!” you said. “I’ve seen that same look in Rishboland Tigers!”

“He’s not going to eat you,” Tighnari sighed. Well, he wouldn’t know that. Only Alhaitham has met Hat Guy, and he seemed to be amused instead.

“Violence is not permitted in the Akademiya grounds,” Cyno said seriously.

“Maybe it’s not you he’s looking at…?” Tighnari tried.

“Cyno, switch with me,” you ordered.

Wordlessly, he obeyed. The group watched in disbelief as Hat Guy’s gaze simply moved to where you sat next. He wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“Maybe he’s interested because it’s a candy imported from Inazuma,” Cyno supplied thoughtfully.

“That’s a good point. I’m surprised you didn’t make a p—”

“Don’t you mean—” Cyno held up the box that displayed the Inazuman Electro symbol on the front, “shocked?”

You hung your head. You spoke too soon. “OK.”

Tighnari watched your face for a long moment, but it didn’t feel as charged as the guy sitting a few tables away. “You don’t seem to hate the attention,” he concluded at the sight your giddy smile.

“No, I really don’t,” you admitted sheepishly. “He’s smart, and he’s handsome. Of course I’m interested. I just wish he would be a bit more normal about his flirting—if he’s even flirting. Should I give him some?”

You didn’t wait for an answer as your chair scraped backward and you faced Hat Guy directly.

“Make sure it’s just the candy you’re giving!” Kaveh called out.

“I see that Sparks are flying,” Cyno said.

Walking over while you held his gaze was excessively awkward, but it was worthwhile seeing Hat Guy’s little smirk grow like he was pleased you were taking his challenge. It was a bit of a problem, however, that he was undeniably attractive. If he was cute from afar, he was drop-dead gorgeous up close.

“Y/N,” you said, in place of a greeting.

“They call me Hat Guy,” he mused. “Those from Inazuma?”

“Yes.” Suddenly embarrassed that the bullshit you were spewing was picked up on by the guy who everyone was pretty sure was born in Inazuma. “Did you hear me?”

Hat Guy shrugged, plucking one candy from the pile on your hands. “You did pretty well. But I only have one criticism, and I can tell you bought most of them from the same place.”

Ah, you did do that. He tore off the plastic and popped it into his mouth, expression turning sour. “The best ones come from the locals. You should’ve asked the kids,” he advised.

Mouth dry, you said, “Yeah, I should’ve.”

Everyone told you that the mysterious new student—Hat Guy, you now learned—was prickly and slips off when someone approaches him. His birthday was apparently a very thrilling event—in the case that everyone had to hunt him down to give him his cake.

“Want a tip?” he asked, head tilted and looking entirely pretty. His tongue rolled around as he ate his—your candy.

“You seem to know best.”

“Take me with you next time.”

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

cat and mouse with Raphael and Tav for cutie anon (this got way too long im sorry)

Read on AO3

-

Making wagers with a devil were never a good idea, but Tav’s sense of self-preservation had dissolved long before a cosmic tadpole was put in her head. Besides, she had it on good authority (her own) that this particular devil (usually kind of sort of maybe) played fair, and since she was already warming his bed and wetting his cock whenever he wanted, she felt she had little to lose. Still, she’d waited until he was in a good enough mood before she proposed her idea, just in case.

“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” said Raphael, one fine eyebrow raised, “you want to…play. Yes?”

“Yes,” said Tav, trying not to squirm at the flat, juvenile way he phrased it. He sat squinting behind his desk in his study as she made her sales pitch, as if to say: make me understand why you’re wasting my time. “A cat-and-mouse kind of game, since you’re so fond of that metaphor. I’ll hide somewhere in the house, and you have to find me within a certain amount of time or you lose.”

“And why,” he drawled, though Tav knew him well enough to see he was considering it, had already mentally abandoned whatever he’d been doing, “would I agree to this?”

“Let’s make it a wager. If I win, I get to keep those gauntlets of hill giant strength.”

“Ah, the ones you’ve already put your pilfering hands on several times…” Tav blinked innocently. Raphael tsked. “What do I get when I win?”

She shrugged, ignoring his ‘when’ not ‘if’. “That’s up to you. What do you want?”

The devil smiled at her then, a slow, smouldering thing that lit simmering flames in her belly. Excitement raced through her blood. Therein lay the secret, the thing she truly desired from this game: to be hunted by Raphael, the cambion, the devil she’d chosen as her lover. On some level Tav was certain he knew, and she was also certain it appealed to him just as much. “Hmm…I think I’ll decide my prize when the time comes,” he said, eyes half-lidded. He rose to his full height. Tav experienced a sharp thrill. “Alright, little mouse. You have yourself a wager. Shall we begin?”

“Rules first. I get a five minute head start. If you don’t find me in, let’s say, twenty minutes, I win. And you can’t cheat, either. No using your debtors or tracking and location spells or anything like that. Fair and square.”

“I don’t need to cheat to catch you,” Raphael purred, amused. “I’ll play by your rules, as long as you keep playing by mine and stay out of the places little mice aren’t meant to be. Can you do that?”

“Of course I can.”

“Good girl. Well, then…” He slunk around his desk, gently dragging one claw along its wooden surface, staring at her the entire time. He leaned against it, crossed his arms. Tilted his head. His tail swayed, hypnotic. He was ready to play. Tav’s heart began to thunder. “Time’s ticking, pet. Better start running.”

He didn’t have to tell her twice. Tav spun on her heel and took off. A nervous, girlish giggle escaped her. She considered if, perhaps, she’d bitten off more than she could chew, but in for a penny in for a pound. She didn’t have a particular hiding spot in mind, aware of her lover’s penchant for reading her mind (no matter how many times she told him not to) and how that technically wasn’t a violation of their rules. Instead she’d be his antithesis right now: chaos.

Her shoes were too loud and slowed her down so she ditched them, the marble warm beneath her bare soles. She thought of him waiting in that study, a panther coiled and eager to prowl; a silhouette in the dark, clever eyes glowing as he counted down the seconds. Her stomach tightened. Anticipation set her teeth on edge. She knew the House of Hope well, but couldn’t match the knowledge of the man who’d designed it. The likelihood of her winning was low, but she’d overcome such dire odds before – and in truth, she didn’t really want to win.

Tav hadn’t been counting, was unsure how long she had left before he began the hunt, but she got as far from Raphael’s study as she could manage, finding a nook behind one of his huge, garish statues to tuck herself into. She knew better than to hunker down. She wouldn’t be staying in one spot. She crouched, sat on her haunches, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

At first, the wait was fun. She was a little breathless, giddy, tense. Every small sound startled her. She expected it to be him, yet he never appeared. She didn’t even hear the distant jingle of his stupid boots, a sign she should move. As time dragged on, Tav’s calves aching, she began to wonder: had she beaten him? Surely not. Maybe he’d juked her, pretended to indulge in her silly game and then left her to squat in a corner like an idiot. That sounded like something he’d do. She frowned, chewing the inside of her cheek, considering her options. She couldn’t tell if twenty minutes had passed.

A cold shiver went up her spine. The tiny hairs on her arms and the back of her neck rose. Tav stiffened, suddenly aware she wasn’t alone. Slowly she turned her head to peer over her shoulder and there he was, perched like a gargoyle in the space behind her, so close she’d touch him if she leaned back just a few inches. His manic grin was all teeth. All fangs. Black and yellow eyes glittered with satisfaction. How long had he been there?

“Meow.”

“Shit!” Tav shrieked. She tumbled onto her ass in shock. The devil cackled, rich and mean. Tav didn’t think; forced herself up on her feet and fled.

“That’s it, little mouse,” Raphael crowed, “run run run, as fast as you can��”

He’d found a way to trigger her fight or flight instinct. Of course he had. Tav’s blood roared in her ears, her heart smashing against her ribs. The devil was in hot pursuit now, his stride quick and powerful, footsteps thumping on the stone.

“Your fear smells delicious, my pet,” he called out. “I can’t wait to taste it.”

Doors closed on their own in front of her, corridors sealed off with magic barriers. The devil was herding her, Tav realised, back to his study where all this began. Where there was nowhere else to run. She came to an abrupt stop, heaving for air. She turned, arousal, exhilaration and dread warring in her mind. Her cunt was wet, nipples hard, knees shaking. This was exactly what she wanted. Her devil loomed in the doorway, savouring his prey. His feast. That hypnotic waving of his tail returned. It meant something in devil body language, Tav knew, but her thoughts were too scattered to recall.

“I guess you win, huh,” she managed. Swallowed a lump in her throat. Raphael didn’t answer immediately; she couldn’t break his intense gaze, couldn’t escape, couldn’t completely place the way he was looking at her. Tav watched him scent the air, realised he was scenting her, the smell of her sex, her excitement. He released a rumble of approval, his cock already hard and tenting his trousers.

“Yes,” he finally said, his voice deep and thick. “And what a delightful little prize I’ve won indeed…”

He approached her with the finesse of a stalking predator, burning with sexual intent.

“Down comes the claw, right?” Tav breathed. The devil smirked. With that claw he effortlessly opened her blouse, a single swipe scattering buttons all over the ground. She gasped. Raphael leered at her breasts, her flush chubby nipples, before he pushed her blouse over her shoulder so he could lick the sweat from her pulse point. Without ceremony he yanked her trousers and her smalls down to her ankles, growling when he felt her slickness and heat on his fingers. Tav sighed when he touched her pussy, but it didn’t last. She was his prize and he would do as he wanted with her.

Raphael splayed her out on his desk, spreading her thighs apart to fit his bulk between them, forcing her to free her feet from her trousers – naked from the waist down while he remained fully dressed. He kissed her deeply, hard, forked tongue licking behind her teeth. One of his hands entwined with hers, their fingers linked, his other unbuckled his belt enough to free his erection. He didn't tease, just guided his cock – nudged her sloppy clit with his leaking glans – and pushed into her. They groaned in unison when he bottomed out. She felt so full. He stayed still for a moment, savouring the hot grip of her cunt. His tail kept swinging to and fro. Tav wrapped her legs around his waist, crossed her ankles at the small of his back. The new angle slid him in deeper, the fat head of his cock nudging the entrance of her cervix.

“So wet,” the devil crooned, “so warm, so tight…”

Then he began to move. Lazy, languid thrusts, if they could be called such when all he did was flex his hips to drag his fat cock in and out the way he liked. Every slick sound of his dick working inside her harmonised with her soft gasps and his rhythmic grunts. He pinned her free hand to the desk, linked those fingers too. Pressed himself flat against her, kissing and biting her damp mouth as they fucked, slow and indulgent. There was something so intimate about it. They'd never had sex this way before. He engulfed her completely. Tav wished they were naked so their skins could touch, the closest they could truly be; the closest she would ever allow him to her soul. Fleshy ridges and soft barbs on his dick snagged and rubbed in every right place. Her nerves were ablaze. He was barely doing anything – this was obviously for his pleasure, not hers – and yet she mewled and gasped into his mouth like a wanton whore each time he re-sheathed himself. She’d already been so wired from their game, and now… She couldn't catch her breath. A first in their relationship, Tav climaxed before Raphael did. Not with a bang, but a scorching whisper; humid and electric, pulsing through her veins, settling in her guts. Her moan was broken, quiet. Her devil swallowed it all.

“Yes,” he hissed, greedy, delighted, “give it to me…”

Her cunt squeezed and contracted, milking his cock for something he was almost ready to offer. Tav trembled, grasping his hands so tightly it would be bone-crushing for a normal man. Raphael seemed to relish it instead, snarling softly, kissing her again and again, sticky lingering brushes of their mouths. He sucked on her tongue, bit it, and she whimpered.

“Such a good girl. Such a sweet little mouse. So pliant. Ripe for the taking. For me to take.” The more he babbled, the closer to orgasm he was. The roll of his hips sped up, hard enough to bounce her breasts if the broad expanse of his chest had given them space. He chased his end almost mindlessly. “You played well, my treasure, but, ah, I always win…mmmm…”

The devil pressed his forehead to hers when he came. Tav got lost in the inky abyss of his eyes, framed by his spreading wings. He stared into her soul, his expression twisted in possessive lust, as he pumped her womb full with spurts of hot cum. You are mine, he declared with every movement, every single thing he did. You are mine. He was beautiful and terrible. She was his. He didn’t pull out, choosing to keep them sealed together, cock-in-cunt, as he softened. He rested in her arms, nuzzled her neck – mindful of his horns. His panting eventually melted into strange raspy purrs, and as she freed their hands to stroke his hair, Tav realized with gentle dawning horror that she loved him.

[magicrainbowkitties]

Hyperfixations are insane bro.

Anyways here's my "MK1 Roster By How Good Of A Hugger They Are" tier list

Not Pictured:

Shang Tsung: A

Reiko: B

Explanations under the cut if you want them.

S tier:

Smoke/Tomas: Great arm strength, super sweet and cute in his intro dialogues, definitely goes for head pats. Also big ups for the smokey smell.

Scorpion/Kuai Liang: Arm strength, sensitive and protective in his dialogues, and very warmb. Perfection.

Johnny Cage: You cannot tell me this version of the guy is not absolutely INSANE at hugs. Arms, emotional sensitivity, words of affirmation if you need them, and LOVES giving them. CageCon attendees attest he hugs like a giant teddy bear.

Sindel: She doesn't give them often, but when she does it's the absolute Best. Mom hugs are best hugs, you can fight me on that. But her big up is the prehensile hair. Mom hug + more hug from hair? FUCK YES.

Reptile/Syzoth: I mean this for both reptilian and human form btw. Because in one case, gigantic croco-man being extra careful to not to nick you on claws and scales, and on the other, nuzzles and contact. BOTH have the ups of strength, dad hugs (his son may be dead but I will attest that no matter the status of the child, the ability to give dad hugs remains with the father in question) are also best hugs, and a tail. Also being cold-blooded he'll probably try to seek warmth from the person he's hugging. So more physical contact. Which is Amazing.

A Tier:

Raiden: Very sweet and kind, just BARELY didn't make S tier. Only because the lightning probably means he's got static everywhere and even if his amulet is turned off, he's still gonna accidentally shock you. Which for some people is negligible, but this is my list. Still great at hugs, but with a fatal flaw.

Liu Kang: Also a very near-miss for S tier. He's got a lot of the same ups as Kuai Liang, except he's a good deal less sensitive than the latter dialogue wise, and he strikes me as the kinda guy who feels a little awkward hugging people. Not bad in the slightest, but he prefers other methods of affection.

Kenshi: He's not a very physically affectionate person, before or after blindness, and probably has a few issues recognizing when it's necessary. However, when he does give hugs, (more likely that he's the one being given the hug), he's very sweet about it. Probably goes on for a while longer than originally intended, very good for touch starvation. Just don't expect it very often.

Kung Lao: Would be an S if he TOOK OFF THE FUCKING HAT. Look man, I'm tryna get physical affection, and you're real nice and sweet when you wanna be, but I am NOT tryna get decapitated by that fuckin table saw super-glued to your head! Good arms, tho.

Shao: Yeah this one surprised me too. But, big guy, leans down, and DEFINITELY a fan of head pats. But he's a near miss for B because of the fact that 1, definitely not a hugger, and 2, he's an asshole. He probably gives side hugs if absolutely necessary. Definitely hugged Reiko when he was a kid, tho.

Shang Tsung: OK HEAR ME OUT. Absolute BOTTOM of A tier, but DAMMIT that fucker is a convincing guy. He's spent years and years hawking fake cures and things, you think he doesn't know how to use physical means to make his sales pitch more convincing? He's actually very, very good at hugs and making people feel better about themselves, and that's part of what makes him so damn dangerous.

B Tier:

Kitana: People are gonna hate me for not putting her higher, huh? Well I speak naught but the truth. Bc my girl is NOT a hugger for anybody except her family. Just not really her thing. She prefers a handshake and good conversation from her friends and allies. She gives decent hugs when called for, and is a good person to hug in crisis, but she'd rather be there either in a group hug or on the side talking someone through it while one of the S or As handle the Actual Hugging Part.

Tanya: Same kinda deal as Kitana, but mostly for maintaining professionalism as an Umgadi. She's very sweet and understanding, but prefers to pat shoulders and give affection through presence unless you're very, VERY close to her (cough Mileena)

Ermac: Total wild card. Countless souls within the body mean countless possibilities for hug affinity or quality. So direct middle of B tier, just to be safe. Based on story mode, however, Jerrod is a solid S.

Ashrah: Again, not much of a hugger, but gives decent ones when necessary. Isn't used to physical affection in the slightest, but overtime may graduate to an A as she comes to understand touch as something that doesn't have to hurt.

Takeda: I... Really don't have an explanation for this one. I just. Very mid vibes.

Reiko: Affection is for weak losers, man up and get over it, why don't you? What do you mean touch doesn't have to be hostile, that's crazy talk, leave him alone. Nevermind the fact that he will probably break down sobbing if he gets a real hug he can't push away, and will probably come just this side of crushing the hugger's ribs in return, what? Didn't happen, if you speak of this, you lose your jaw. Why are you bringing the General into this?

C Tier:

Rain: Not a hugger, not good at it, doesn't want to be. Also VERY sweaty. Or maybe that's just his water magic. Either way not good. The only thing keeping him out of D tier is he's got a decent amount of strength to it.

Havik: Will absolutely detach his entire torso in the middle of a hug so the other person freaks the fuck out. He thinks this is funny. It's not.

Peacemaker: Cop mentality and insensitive. The ONLY reason he's not in D is because I am told John Cena is amazing at hugs, so he has some trickle-down skill from there.

Mileena: Was a solid A before getting Tarkat. Very sweet and physically affectionate, and one of the things she mourns the most from before the infection. She especially wishes she could hug Tanya and Kitana more often, but they're also the last people in the world she wants to get sick.

D Tier:

Sub-Zero/Bi-Han: Ew cold hands. Also believes that physical affection is a weakness and refuses to do it. How in the hell is he related to Kuai Liang???

Li Mei: Is a fucking cop. As a rule, cops are bad at hugs.

Quan Chi: Why would you ever want a hug from this fucker? Unless you're Shang Tsung. And even then it's probably not great just because he doesn't get the point.

Baraka: NOPE. Even if you don't care about Tarkat, he does, and will refuse hugs of any kind ever. Even if it wasn't contagious, he's very spiky and awkward with it. Ask Syzoth.

Omni-Man: Just as likely to crush your ribcage as to awkwardly pat the back, more either way depending. Best avoid this fashy fuck all together.

Geras: He is very sweet and a good emotional rock. But a hugger he is not. He refuses hugs with a similar fervency to Baraka, but without the urgency ofc. He hates hugs, and asks that you please respect his boundaries. Also he'd get sand all over your clothes.

Homelander: Do I even need to explain.

[prince-liest]

In the future, once the hotel gets big and garners more interest, I could imagine the Vees making "knock-off" redemption hotels. "Trust us! With your salvation." Cue increasing distrust in the concept

Oh my god, I love this. I actually, genuinely hope that this happens in canon in later seasons because it just seems to be so incredibly in-line with the Vees' MO to literally capitalize on the newest trend to sell people their own salvation. Also super thematic with Vox's possible original/old backstory of having been a televangelist!

I actually think that the problem this would most likely initially cause is less people distrusting the concept, and more the Vees being able to sell it better and thus stealing business from the hotel even though who knows if they have any idea how to actually redeem people. The process apparently involves death, after all. Maybe they're just knocking people off permanently! It's not like there's any way to tell - fuck, maybe they make up a "contact" up in heaven and mock up fake "post-redemption" video proof showing that their concept works as part of the sales pitch.

The thing about the Vees is that even though we know they're deeply untrustworthy, the show for the most part seems to show us that they're extremely successful in their business and in getting people to buy what they're selling. People are absolutely clamoring to get one of VoxTek's new spy drones in Vox's intro, for example. I genuinely think it seems like an extremely on-point plot point to have the Vees end up in direct competition for selling redemption, especially when they have many more resources in the form of manpower and advertising to make their own operation look glamorous and appealing compared to the Hazbin Hotel (possibly even post-renovation).

And only after they become massively successful and earn a ridiculous amount of money off of the concept would the whole thing collapse. Charlie wouldn't have real incentive to stop them at first, would she? She tends to give people the benefit of the doubt. If they're genuinely redeeming people, well - it would make her a bad person to get in the way of that, no matter how much Alastor seethes about Vox stepping in on his turf, or how vaguely uncomfortable Angel Dust is with the concept. But once the whole secret gets blown wide open and Charlie & Co save the day... if it comes out that VoxTek has been murdering people rather than saving them... even though Charlie is the one who put a stop to it all...

Then, yes. If people can't trust VoxTek ("Trust us!") with their redemption, then why in the world would they trust Charlie's slapdash operation?

[kiefbowl]

i made a string of really dumb financial decisions and now im in debt that might take me years to pay off, do you have any words of wisdom for me queen. like that feels bad. how do i even save up. imagine flushing a pile of money down the toilet thats what this debt it

I know how that feels, believe me. A lot of people do. I'm feeling the pain of my 9 month school loans, and credit cards I had already paid off back "on" again (one in particular is pretty high...whooooops).

Don't lose your cool, I have a couple of flexible suggestions that you take, use, and modify to your specifics:

Tithe yourself - if your job does direct deposit (which most do!), you can direct deposit your money into multiple accounts. Get it set up so your paycheck goes 90% into your checking account, 10% into your savings account so that you're not even thinking about it. You might feel the squeeze for a little bit but you'll acclimate to that "missing" 10% sooner than you think.

Ask for a raise - if you're working, ask for a raise. If you're new, or maybe not that "great", or they're penny-pinchers, or you're just nervous to ask, don't even worry about it. Ask for 3% - this is low, and most jobs will give it to you just for the convenience of getting you to stop bothering them about it (if they can't afford 3%, run run run). For context, if you make $10 an hour, a 3% raise only gives you $12.00 more each week. It's really not much, but not nothing! If you're NOT worried about asking a raise, go all in! Ask for 10%, maybe even 15%. Flex some negotiation skills. Maybe you'll walkaway with 7%, but every penny counts.

Get yourself on auto payments [at the smallest amounts you can] - if you've got credit cards, log in right now and get yourself on auto payments for the smallest amount. If you've got student loans, do the same thing. If you've got utility bills, get them on auto pay. These things take 3 minutes to set up, and there are phone numbers to call if you can't figure it out. These companies WANT you to do this, they will help you get it done.

Work off the smallest amount you owe first [aggressively] - Let's say you have a $60 parking ticket, a credit card you owe $400 on, and three student loans that are currently at $6,000 & $7,000 & $10,000. Forget the student loans right now, you've got them on autopay for the smallest amount you can get away with. First, pay off that $60 parking ticket with your next pay check before it becomes a $200 ticket and a court appearance. Now you can focus on the paying off the $400 aggressively. Your minimum payments will still go off, but every time you get a paycheck, long on and pay an additional amount to the credit card (something you can manage and will also feel good to your brain - $50 feels good when you're thinking of your debit in hundreds for example). Once you've got that paid off, now you can aggressively pay off your $6,000. Don't worry about the other two. Just focus on the smallest amount you owe. Each paycheck, payoff a chunk of your smallest debt. It'll get exciting after awhile, like yes I get paid I can make that credit card even smaller. Gamify it, whatever.

Stop worrying about how long it will all take - Only worry about the smallest amount of debt you owe and how (reasonably) fast you can get that paid off. That $400 credit card, if you can spare $100 each pay check - that's only 4 paychecks. That's not too long, right? That's the way to think of time and debt: how much can you spare each paycheck to pay off your lowest debt.

Ask for help - do not punish yourself by lying to your parents and friends. Tell your friends you can't do fancy dinners because you are paying off debt and can't afford it. Real friends will bring over a pizza to hang with you. Your parents might be willing to send you a check without you asking for it. Don't feel guilty about monetary gifts, just take it. Go to a bank and talk about their consolidation options. Bring a third party so you aren't dazzled by sales pitches. Consolidation loans aren't objectively good or bad, they can be a life saver if they have the right terms that work for you. Don't think it's over your head! Ask as many questions until you understand all your options.

Buy smart, stop suffering - this really should be like 4 different bullet points, but I'm going to be as concise as possible: you'll never get out of debt if you spend your money without purpose, and you'll never get out under the yoke of anxiety that you fucked up if you just squirrel your money away in fear. A lot of people will give you advice that you need to put yourself on a tight, punishing budget. Maybe, but I think those are doomed to fail for most people. And now you feel twice as bad. Don't do that to yourself. Learning the value of $10 is important. So it learning the value of $100, or $1,000. And the best way to learn is to practice buying and using your money - there's a cheap $1,000 and an expensive $10, and you have to learn how much value you are getting out of these amounts for these purchases. If you punish yourself all week, and then allow yourself a "little treat" on Sunday - that doesn't feel worthwhile to me. Those little treats will grow every day. Soon you're stopping at Starbucks every day for "just $10" and your Sunday treat has become a weekly blow out brunch with friends and then week to week you're scrounging to eat Top Ramen and lamenting your dreams are dying. Instead, save money by spending money on things worthwhile that make you budget for them. Go sign up for those yoga classes you want, go sign up for those guitar lessons you want, go sign up for those art lessons you want, whatever it is. Whatever brings value to your life. Your $70 a week yoga membership can now be valued against your $70 week at Starbucks, and as your pockets pinch one hopes you'll choose the yoga over the Starbucks because one hopes that the yoga is serving you better. Or maybe yoga is ass and you want to spend it on Starbucks, at least now you know. Though I recommend your local coffee shop, as Starbucks is a union busting piece of shit corporation :)

[peoplecallmelucifer]

"Is the human dancing?"

"Doesn't look like a dance to me. Maybe a ritual?"

"Why don't we just ask"

"And potentially disturbe a ritual? You know wjat happened to Zaati when he decided to not be culturally sensitive"

"Yeah yeah, he got a spear thrown an inch of his face by a very angry Attra matriarch..... and now they are married."

" I'm just saying Dessa, If you wanna talk to him, stay close to cover"

Vakk was an asahole, But Dessa knew he had a point. So she aproached the sparing mat slowly while watching thw human performe his routine.

"Uum, excuse me" They said

" Huh?" The human said with a slightly startled reaction" OH! m i hogging the mat? Sorry. I'll be done in a minute or 2 if that's ok"

"No, that's allright. I just wanted to ask you as to what this ritual is" now relaxed Dessa said.

"Ritu- OH! yes this does look pretty ritualistic I guess. Mind I finish though?

" Oh no, not at all!"

The human just smiled and nodded, proceeding with his ritual. While Dessa kept watching.

And shortly after the human knelt slowly, put his forehead to the mat, slowly rose while obviously avoiding touching the amt with his hands, took a step backwards and boues the final time.

"Wooh!" He said, jumping in place. Conpletely shattering the calm demeenor he exuded not 10 second ago.

"Now, Propper introductions! I'm Teddy, I'm a translator and linguist with UN diplomatic core" the human said stretching his arm. A gesture of good will found in many species

"Dessa, amature xenoculturologist and medical officer on board this station" Dessa replied

"That explains your interest in my, ritul" Teddy added with a smile

"Well, yes. I find different beliefs and rituals other species performe intriguing. If you would be willing to explain I'd be greatfull." Dessa said trxing to be as cordial as her curiosity would allowe

"Please, talk more casually. I hear enough diplomatic talk a work as it is. And I'd be glad to explain." Teddy said

" What you saw was called Nage-no-kata it's a stric performance form made of 15 techniques of Judo. And Judo is a martial art I train"

Dessa looked confused " Military skill? Is my translator malfunctioning?"

"Yeah the translation pack still isn't up to speed with coloquialism and cultural elements. That's another reasons I preffere casual conversations lets me know what I'll need to work on in the future"

"Ok so. What would the proper translation be?"

"Well.." Teddy paused "either fighting sport or self defence skill"

"... so the translator wasn't wrong..."

"Technically not"

"And you humans .... made military grade combat into a sport" Dessa stated withoit a hint of wmotion

"Well no, the sport was develloped before" Teddy retorted

"Well... I don't know if that makes me feel more or less uneasy"

"Look it sounds bad if you phrase it like that but Judo has among the lowest rate of serious injury qmong human sports and among the highest percentage of highly educated people in its ranks"

"That ... sounds like a salesman pitch"

"Did it help calm you down though?"

"I ... guess? I stil don't understand why a linguist would need combat training"

"I actually started practicing as a teenager so I wasn't even a linguist-"

" you teach combat to kids?! And I tought Attra were militaristic" Dessa interrupted

"What I was gon a say is that Judo is ot just fighting it's a philosophy." Teddy retorted, seemingly finding this ordeal amusing

"Another sales pitch?" Dessa asked.

"Yup."

" I stand guard .... that's a coloquialism for I'm listening for my people"

"Noted" Teddy said before co ti uing his explenation

"As I said. JUDO is a philosophy. It's based of using the oponenta strenght against him. If pushed, you pull back, if pulled, you push. But it's also built upon respect. Towards the referees, towards your coach, towards your oponemt and even the mat you stand on during the match"

"That woukd be all thw bowing". Dessa persumed

"Correct!" Teddy said happily " you see, I used to be a troublemaket as a kid and gor cought shoplifting. The judge saw I was just a lost kid so he offered me a deal. I can get a record which would make getting a job much harder, or I can join his friends program that aimed to reform troublemakers" Teddy said with a melancolic look

"Ok so ... you were a criminal?" Desaa asked

"Basically, yeah"

"And what stopped you continuing doing crime is ...combat training"

"I guess."

"Oh we are talking about this more later over drinks!" Dessa said grinning from ear to ear

"Ok, but you're buying" Teddy added

[daydreaming-in-hyrule]

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗔𝗗𝗬 𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 (prologue)

synopsis: tales of old will always regale the listener with praises and recognition of the feats of esteemed gerudo champion urbosa. but time wears thin on the stories of pivotal companions, and most of them will ultimately leave out one vai, arguably just as important — a warrior, an advisor, a personal guard. most of all… a friend, and yet so much more; the chief’s light in the approaching darkness.

pairing: urbosa x f!gerudo!reader [reader is her personal guard & advisor]

word count: 544

warnings: use of Y/N, urbosa’s mother’s name is azrah, and reader’s mom’s name is isir. also a little bit of my idea of how urbosa’s lightning abilities were first discovered :)

a/n: not yet onto the main storyline! originally I was gonna just dive right in and start with the cutscene of her entrance in age of calamity, but I thought it’d fit together better if there’s a prologue and a little bit of introduction first. and I adore the idea of urbosa’s hair just sticking up all the time as a child bc she hasn’t learnt to fully control her lightning, I think it’d be so cute 💕

anyways, enjoy! <3

After a whole week of steadily rising temperatures that made even the desert-adapted citizens of Gerudo Town suffer, the scorching sun seemed to have taken mercy on the town. Children played in the streets, and vendors’ loud sales pitches rang through the air.

The Gerudo chieftain stood underneath the minimal shade of a palm tree, her personal guard standing to attention beside her. Their eyes followed the movements of two children, playing together with loud giggles and shouts that could probably be heard even from across town.

“They grow up so fast, don’t they? It feels like only yesterday when they drew their first breaths.” The chief’s tone carried a hint of nostalgia, as if memories from her own childhood were stealing their way into her thoughts.

“It truly does, my lady.”

“I am sure it’ll be no time at all till they’re grown… and then my daughter will take the throne.” The chief paused, shifting her gaze to her daughter’s playmate. “And what of your little one, Isir? You plan on beginning her training when she is of age, and inducting her into the guard?”

“Yes, Lady Azrah. I come from a long line of chiefly guards; it is only natural that I give her the training she needs to prepare her, should she be chosen as the next chief’s personal escort.”

A flash of yellow light caught Azrah’s eye and she looked at the children in surprise. “Isir… did you see that light? What was—”

The guard turned to the girls and alarm flared in her eyes. “Hey! Y/N! Put that down!”

Isir rushed forward to gently pull the small dagger out of her daughter’s hands, the blade glinting in the sunlight as she took it away from the children. Her child pouted, and Azrah’s daughter gave a little whine of protest.

“But Isir! We were playing Guards and Thieves!”

“Urbosa, you can do that without the knife,” Azrah crouched to place her hand on the little vai’s shoulder, unable to stop a smile from forming as she brushed a lock of unruly red hair from her daughter’s forehead. “Now, run along. I’m sure Hefza will give you a voltfruit — but only if you ask nicely.”

Urbosa’s eyes lit up again and she grinned, grabbing Y/N’s hand and turning to rush off into the streets to find the vendor. Azrah watched the children run off, a small frown creasing the space between her eyebrows. She could’ve sworn that she saw… something crackling, wreathing around Urbosa’s fingers. Something that charged the air around the girl and put a metallic taste in Azrah’s mouth. Perhaps there was a reason Urbosa’s hair refused to lay flat for more than five minutes at a time.

The Sage’s gift… could it be? But that would mean—

“My chief, with all due respect, I think those two will drive poor Hefza up the wall. As it is, she’s one of the few vendors who humour them in their little games.”

Azrah laughed at Isir’s wry words, turning to her guard. “We’ll pull them out if — no, when — she tires of being the Thief in their game. Until then… let them play, Isir. Let them be children. These carefree times will desert them sooner than you think.”

divider credits: @/saradika-graphics

[stizzysupremacy]

okay. Okay so. This is ridiculous but. The idea won’t get out of my brain ever since I started rewatching an old sitcom:

Izzy Hands as The Nanny

no no hear me out.

Izzy works in his bf Ed’s tailor shop (vs a bridal shop cuz even in an au I can’t stretch to see Izzy doing anything bridal for a living) until Ed wants to give Jack Rackham Izzy’s job and oh also he wants to start dating Jack too. So Izzy is out of a job and a relationship that’s been in the pre-engagement state for years. Izzy gets a part time job selling fine chef’s knives door-to-door (instead of makeup. Because it’s a good excuse to slip Steak Knife into the story and also because my bestie used to sell knives and I love him)

Izzy happens to show up at the Bonnet mansion household around the time they were expecting their newest nanny to come for an interview. Izzy thinks he is being invited in to give his sales pitch. In classic sitcom misunderstanding it takes a while for Stede to realize that Short Dark and Handsome here is not actually a manny with a resting rage face.

But by then Izzy has had a chance to interact with Stede’s kids and his household staff. Stede has fondness for anyone who is kind to his kids and has a secret awe for anyone who seems to get along with less awkwardness than he himself does. Izzy just talks to the kids like they are adults because he doesn’t know how else to deal with tiny people except to treat them like big people. Alma appreciates it.

The rest of the household (Buttons as the butler? Lucius as a PA? Roach as chef, Jim as driver, etc you get the idea) are surprisingly on board with hiring the guy who came to the door with a briefcase full of knives to provide daily childcare. He’s got no experience or qualifications but Izzy clearly does not take shit from anyone and won’t get scared off in under two months like the last nanny.

and look, the pay is really good. Even if Mr Bonnet is supremely annoying, he pays well and the kids seem fine, old enough to entertain themselves most of the time and not be very interested in interacting with some greying old man. He can get them to school and home from school, and deal with the occasional snotty cold or scraped knee for such a huge salary, with room and board on top! plus staying in the rich part of town cuts down on the chances of running into Ed and/or Jack.

So Izzy moves into the mansion and chases the Bonnet children around for a living. (Izzy quickly learns that the kids are still young enough to love playing pirates, something Stede started with them but has been too busy to do. Izzy, wearing an eye patch and brandishing a plastic sword, taunts Stede into joining their play by challenging him to duel (yes Stede smacks his ass with his sword))

obvious stede would never get full custody lol so there’s plenty of time when the kids are with their mother and Stede’s only company in the big empty house is Izzy Hands 😮😀

[shallowseeker]

Recruiting Dean

Via the Nightmare-land of all his current anxieties.

Zach I - Zach II - Zach III - Say it ain't so - Cas can DIE?! - Bobby, demoralized - Dean and Cas's mutual, pissy fatalism - Love blooming, personal space - You're not much fun, so why am I laughing so hard? - Dean's anixety at being a vessel - Sam: Everybody please panic, I'm a vessel, too!

Disclaimer: I love ALL The End meta, from the ones that look for hidden meanings and the ones where Chuck is hiding incognito in his first-row seats, but I thought this would be a Hella a fun way to ask this question.

///

What if The End is all about Dean and Zach? What is almost everyone IN IT is Zach, tapping into and mocking Dean's churning ruminations and anxieties?

What would that analysis look like? What might we predict? We know that Zach recruited a Jehovah's Witness, and after Dean's call with Sam, Zach entered the motel to try yet another sales pitch.

Zach got into Dean's bedroom. But maybe this time, Zach's going deeper. Perhaps he got into Dean's dreams, too.

In the previous Zach adventures, he tried to give Dean a vision of a loser's life, one Dean wouldn't be able to stand: a corporate yes-man who listened to NPR and steamed his latte like a wuss. Remember his pitch in It's a Terrible Life?

ZACHARIAH: Save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So are you with me? You wanna go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

But just like he will later miss the mark on Adam's personality a bit, he misses on Dean at first, too. Dean cares about family.

"My father's name is Bob, my mother's name is Ellen, and my sister's name is Jo." // "Are you saying my family isn't real?"

///

We'll hear Zach make more pitches to Dean in the beautiful room in Lucifer Rising. Time-honored things that, from his experience, tend to work when recruiting humans, from happy memories to food to TV fantasy to food to sexual adoration:

ZACHARIAH: Try a burger. They're your favorite. From that seaside shack in Delaware. You were 11, I think. DEAN: I'm not hungry. ZACHARIAH: No? How about Ginger from season 2 of "Gilligan's Island"? You do have a thing for her, don't you? DEAN: Tempting. Weird. ZACHARIAH: We'll throw in Mary Ann for free. DEAN: No, no. Let's... bail on the holodeck, okay? I want to know what the game plan is.

///

ZACHARIAH (to a crying Dean): And when it's over... and when you've won... your rewards will be... unimaginable. Peace, happiness... two virgins and seventy sluts.

///

We'll get a whiff of AU Zachariah's tactics with a nervous, broken Kevin Tran in s13, too:

Meredith Glynn had intended a more... grayscale view of Zach's intentions via @spnscripthunt-inactive, but either way is very good. Very Zach:

Who knows why, but in Meredith's version, Zach is convinced that Jack is the way, not Kevin.

Anyhoo, more on the Jack-Zach interactions later. For now, I'm just thinking about the whiff of Zach's and upper Heaven management's style of recruiting tactics through Kevin's words:

LUCIFER: Kevin, what are you doing, getting mixed up with Michael? ... KEVIN: ...Michael's taking me with him to paradise world so I can meet hot women. LUCIFER: I'm sorry. What?

Jack, who had also been tortured (stabbed, burned, drowned) by Zachariah, tried to reach out to Kevin. Mary even more so:

KEVIN: Y-you don't understand... then the end of the world happened, and everyone around me-- my friends, and my… my mom-- they all started to die. ... KEVIN: No! Michael says… that when I get to Heaven-- when he lets me into Heaven-- I'll get to see my mom again. I don't care! You don't understand. I… You don't know the things that I've done. I just want this to be over.

Now, we see the truth. Kevin was never interested in the recruitment line, something-something hot women. Not really. That was just a boisterous shield to hide the deeper pain.

He just wanted to see his mom again.

///

So. When we reach 5x04, we see Zach adjust fire with Dean.

In 5x01, he tried a different, more forceful way of recruiting Dean, making him feel terrible about himself.

...I feel like looking at The End as a nightmare land of all of Dean's anxieties is a really fun way to revisit it.

But before that, if we consider this question, what might we predict for Zach to uncover, based on all the stuff Dean is feeling Weird (TM) and Stressed (TM) about right now?

Based on all the other stuff we've been thinking about, I'll make a small list of potentials, starting with the Bobby-Dean confrontation at the end of last season...

[howlingday]

idea: Whitley having a Swiss Army knife as a weapon. Not like a fancy, multiple weapons in one Swiss Army knife you’d expect from a show like RWBY, just a regular Swiss Army knife with a larger than usual blade. It fits since whitley isn’t really a combatant and is more suited to out of combat situations, so his weapon has out of combat utility. Also the schnees tend to favor bladed weapons, with Weiss’s rapier, Winter’s saber, and Nicholas’s anime lookin’ sword. Weiss is proud of Whitley for deciding to learn how to defend himself somewhat but is a bit disappointed by his choice of weapon.

"It just doesn't look all that impressive." Weiss criticized. "There's not even a slot for dust application."

"I wanted something simple and easy to use." Whitley grumbled. "I'm not going out to save the world. I'm simply having every tool I need to solve whatever problem I come across." He flipped out a screwdriver. "If there's something that needs screwed in, or screwed out, I use this." With two more flips, the screwdriver receded, and a wrench took its place. "If I need to turn a nut or a bolt, then I use this. It's not different from your use of multiple dust in one weapon."

"Ooh~! What's this~?" Before Weiss could argue with her brother, her leader arrived to fondle his weapon. "It looks really neat!"

"W-Well..." Whitley cleared his throat before stepping away with his multi-tool. "This is Einer-Für-Alle, or EFA for short, and it is a multi-tool with more than a dozen tools for just all of your household needs! Seals? Tightened! Screws? Installed OR removed! Why, it even has a knife in the event of defending yourself! Yes, the EFA is perfect for every man or woman looking for efficiency!"

"Ugh... Did you have to use your sales pitch voice?" Weiss groaned.

Ruby giggled. "I like it! It kind of makes me wish I had one of my own. This is probably the best thing I've seen in, like, a week~!"

"O-Oh, uh, th-thank you..." Whitley muttered, face red as an apple.

"Oh, we gotta go." Ruby took hold of Weiss' hand. "See ya later, Weiss' bro!" Ruby then ran off.

"Y-Yes... See you..." Whitley turned away, stiffly walking down the hall until he turned a corner. From there, he leaned against the wall and looked to his creation. All of a sudden, it seemed to have a new light to it. Something that made it feel almost... heavenly...

'I like it~! This is probably the best thing I've seen in, like, a week~!'

Whitley felt himself reinvigorated. If this impressed her, then he had to try harder! Go bigger! Bolder! With pink on his cheek and EFA in his hand, he swiftly made his way to his room. Blueprints won't draft themselves!