#also yes the loneliness is a hint to his class

[classpecting-the-hoyoverse]

Jesus Christ Ratio is an incredibly lonely person

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hello unfortunately i thought even more about sol + swag as an analogy for being asian and it is . making me unwell. i am putting it under the cut for the main reason that it is stupid beyond belief

OK. so. hear me out .

STUPID REASONS WHY SOL IS ASIAN:

(and hint: this is all me projecting 100%)

1) moist frog who immediately turns off when it gets too cold. SOUTHEASTASIAN BOY AS FUCK (to me). guy who thinks thirty degrees celsius is pleasant temperature. guy who thinks that anything below 25C is sweater weather. guy who is soo sweaty and moist all the time (the humidity) and that is not only a natural state, but a preferrable state. 20 degrees is too cold. anything below 0 is actually not functional.

anyway. sol bufo. keepin it warm and gross. if its too cold and dry he immediately hibernates. king

2) idk if anyone reading this has seen shaolin soccer. but sol bufo. could clump shaolin soccer. essentially what im saying is sol bufo is like a buff asian jock. which is kinda goofy and goodnatured and loud and also very obnoxious. i cannot articulate this very well. but. what can i say except a human version of sol bufo was delivered to me in a dream and it was every buff chinese classmate ive ever met.

3) (you will notice the reasons get progressively more stupid and more deeply specific)

sol bufo would love milo. omg. like. chocolate drink in a juice box container that is branded as a sports/energy drink and also green. also the guy on the front of the packet milo. sol bufo coded. tbh

anyway. milo isnt strictly southeast asian..? but. yes it is actually.

4) the whole monk class is extremely steeped in asian 'aesthetics' anyway. i mean. ki. so whatever i can claim this monk for me thats my right

NONSTUPID BUT STILL KIND OF SILLY REASONS:

and this is also me projecting 100%. obviously all delusion. so i guess see this as a for-fun reading of the sol/swag storyline through the lens of a very specific of asianness

okay so. swag right. his journey is about leaving his home where he was comfortable and safe but also very confined. mothership lures him to ezry w the promise of opportunity & seeing the world, making something of himself. he ends up being exploited for his body and skills. and he runs away, but his blood still oils up the mothership cogs.

so anyway. i think its pretty clear how that cld map onto like . an immigrant experience? leaving home because of the need to find urself, but simultaneously, the threat of exploitation at the hands of ppl who see you as a potential profit to be mined. this is the first part

the part that is more crazy to me is his experience in irondeep. like, when he left moonstone he left his entire community. now hes alone ... and he cant go back. (he is stranded physically, emotionally). and at this low point, of true and utter loneliness and purposelessness, comes along bronzebeard industries. they offer him a job - but more importantly, they offer him connections.

like. thinking about how were introduced to swag. its not at his job, its his downtime, its when hes hanging out with his coworkers, when hes surrounded by 'friends'. w people who think hes cool, and the people who think hes a "sucker".

idk! but i think this also relates rlly strongly to a common experience of being international? like. when you know you are permenantly lost from home. what you want more than anything is to feel the same community and sense of belonging you used to have. and it is very easy for that desire to ge manipulated. (like - im just gonna mention the one specific instance that ive seen. which is like. international students on college campuses getting targeted a lot by christian groups. because they know those people are lonely and want a feeling of shared tradition and practice. anyway. this is one specific example but also this is literally what happens to lyddie and sister rosaline :-| )

anyway so in summary: swags story of hope/idealism, exploitation, and loneliness leading him to be a very good pawn. i think that is something that could potentially be read as the experiences of ppl dislocated internationally from their home. and im saying its asian because I Want To.

... and sol! okay. i think very simply: sol is super white-washed. total banana. and thats part of his character. he is a moonstone bullywug who never knew his own home, and still, has never even seen moonstone with his own eyes. he does not know his own history. (and kinda tangent, the place where he spends the majority of his life is in launchpad, a sanitized corporate version of reality. and i mean, the whole 'boy wizard and frog pal' is very clearly alluding to harry potter. like. its white.) but ignoring that, the essence of his character is like. this is a guy who does not know where he came from

and currently? a large part of his arc is about trying to unravel his identity by figuring out where (who) he came from. swag daniels is his one link to a community hes just now found out he has. that is a part of why hes trying so hard to save swag. swag is his family - specifically the parts about family you cant choose. that is hard, complicated and how you understand where the parts of yourself track back to.

like. i think a lot about how the pivotal moments of connection between swag and sol are all about swag... showing sol what moonstone is like. in a dream, he lets sol experience what that place is like. that place is a muggy swamp. idk. swag is taking sol back home. that fucks me up a lot

... anyway digression aside. i think one of the most painful things gg on rn w sols arc rn is. how its looking right now. sol is going to lose swag. sol is going to have to come to terms w losing swag. sol for the first time, yearns to know who he is and who he came from. but by the time he went looking it was too late. his time is up. that moment of connection was brief and gone. there are so many questions about their history that sol will never know now

so obviously this kind of dips a bit into metaphor at the end. swag represents connection to cultural history and heritage and identity. and in that lens, it reads to ME as a story abt being asian and disconnected from ur roots. but anyway. even without that lens i think sols story is still v much abt cultural estrangement

(i also have a very loose and unformed thought: which is that sols journey from wanting to stand out/be special to wanting to find a place of belonging. is ALSO INCREDIBLY RESONANT to the experience of being whitewashed asian... ESPECIALLY for ppl who do come from asia. and how that also relates to the tragedy of wanting to understand ur roots when its already too late. but . i dont rlly know if that is a common experience so. itll be noodling in my head for now)

anyway. my essay. and yes this is all make believe in my head . TLDR: i think swags an immigrant sols a banana and i am fucking insane thanks everyone

also if u read this all and want to know what part of this long ramble actly answers the question of why i think theyre asian. well. you know what.

[stackslip]

the thing is i don't think fujimoto ever really likes to "make fun of" his characters or of particular classes of human beings. oh he likes to tease his characters and poke fun at them and make them suffer in a schadenfreude way, and he'll make the occasional one-page character whose sole purpose IS humorous (like that one dude in the international assassin arc who tries hard to introduce himself to the cast before being murdered by quanxi five panels later, or that one guy who's like CHAINSAW MAN DOESNT EXIST AND IS A USAMERICAN PSYOP). but like........ idk how to explain this but fujimoto is deeply, truly empathetic towards his characters and the very human aspects they represent. yes poor kobeni suffers (no grievous harm, mostly slapstick absurdist situations), but she's also a direct mirror to denji and it's her own decision to leave her abusive family whose demands had pushed her into shitty jobs that sparks the emotional climax of park 1. asa is pathetic and fujimoto pokes fun at her but she's also writen in a way that's so heartwrenchingly vulnerable and human, to the point it's hard to NOT relate to her suffering and struggle to forge connections. denji can be whacky and empty-brained, but the abuse and loneliness he suffer are portrayed with incredible intimacy and care. harumi rn is still mostly a joke but there's already hints at his vulnerabilities and how he uses chainsaw man to try to get others to like him at all.

idk! people call him a sadist who likes to make his characters suffer for nothing but i fully disagree. even in fire punch, by far the bleakest of his works, fujimoto's compassion for his characters and for their flaws shines through. fucking togata is a sadistic son of a bitch and a bit of a memelord until he gets humanized through--his transness, of all things. that moment togata is screaming at agni and talking about his gender dysphoria is one of the most raw but also most compassionate moments in the manga, and it's for a guy who until then enjoyed using human heads as footballs and purposefully dehumanized people through his camera and his "art"!

[dinapaulson]

Is ‘Trap’ Serial Killer- or Daddy-Porn? Both, Because Josh Hartnett’s Cooper

Actor and millennial heartthrob Josh Hartnett (yes, Josh Hartnett) is on smash as Cooper, the sick, sweet protagonist of writer and director M. Night Shyamalan’s latest film, Trap (2024), streaming this week.

Sick: Cooper is a serial killer known as “The Butcher” because, well, imagine. Sweet: he defends his teenage daughter, Riley (Ariel Donoghue) perfectly — ire in check — against mama and daughter bullies in her class and delivers pitch-perfect dad goofiness. We find out early on — at a pop singer’s concert doubling as a sting operation for the Feds to catch “The Butcher” — that, bubbling alongside Riley, is he! Grinning at his daughter’s joy, Cooper side-eye checks the black-and-white video feed on his phone of a teenage boy, wrists tied, frantic and crying, in a small, empty room.

The juxtaposition of Cooper’s latest victim to the free-bodied, lyric-belting Riley is stark, but this tension is less a division meant to shock and more an invitation to be a part of this cracked family fairy tale, Cooper headlining.For this is not the film we thought it would be — a dad joke, *eye roll,* as they hurry into the arena for a fun-filled night. Trap is under- and over-skin creepy, offering little of why Cooper is the way he is, putting focus on who he is, at present: a loving girl-dad, slicing youths on the side.

Chewing stadium pretzels together and taking videos of Riley and other Lady Raven (Saleka Shyamalan) fans dancing, it would be easy (for me) to watch them, heart beat at his devotion and attention — love. As Riley says, walking to their stage-level seats, “Dad, this is literally the best day of my life.” I was rooting hard for his parenthood, the kind that joins your child in something she loves, while giving her space to feel into experience. As deftly as he snaps their selfies, he pushes a girl teenage concertgoer down the lobby stairs. Why? No reason, other than he knows commotion helps him because he will be damned if he gets caught on his daughter’s best day of her life. That push, by the way — if the Feds are paying attention — matches the footage of his grabbing up a victim like a viper into a van.

Because the film is about catching Cooper, he is in almost every frame, so we watch how he gets away from getting made, until he finally does. The trailer focuses on Cooper’s face to tell the story of what we will see — doting dad, gorgeous charmer, killer, blank-face, arrogant, an expert criminal freak. Hartnett’s animation of these personas, and interchange second to second, is what makes watching him merge Cooper’s two lives, as the character calls them, so compelling. Jamie (Jonathan Langdon), an arena merch employee fallen under Cooper’s spell, after a tee Riley wants is sold-out, and he compliments their “good values” of patience, tells him, “This dude is next-level insane.” Hartnett crooks Cooper’s rakish smile in response, playing akin to the audacity and barely hiding — because once we know, we know — his pride.

Cooper is a goner for sensing someone’s loneliness and standing up for his daughter. Nothing less than freedom seems to be his mental payday.

The film title hints this dynamic along: a trap is set for Cooper, Cooper traps (others), and we are set to be (en)trapped by this charismatic killer. But, here’s the pivot of Hartnett’s Cooper: He is not just a charismatic killer, as, say, Ted Bundy is referenced, or multiples of The Sopranos, one of TV’s sociopathic crews. Cooper is charismatic, in strict definition. He is charming and funny and physically beautiful, the latter adding heavy eye flutter and disarmament to his charm. Cooper is also something (someone) non-sexual. In his Riley universe, he is a safe, protective parent-man, never raising his voice nor showing anything, in the slightest, of the coldness and cruelty he carries out in his crime life.

There is stuff for straight-up serial killer film aficionados in Trap. The limousine Cooper rides in leaving the stadium, with Riley and Lady Raven, is the one he commandeers later, a one over on the police. He is Emmett Myers in dad drag, smarter than nearly everyone and has a cleaver, his salivation for chopping up body parts palpable in his neatly lined canine smile and eyes, shifty as google doc. bullet points, drawing you in and on the next line taking you out. As for the sexy aesthetic, serial killer dynamic, Hartnett’s Cooper is. Besides being generally gorgeous, close-ups of his face and tracking shots that follow his long, limber body through the arena highlight his appeal.

Cooper lets us in chiseled, shirtless, tight-fitting jeans, in an end scene with his wife in their kitchen. The latter deserves mention — Hartnett is fine, yes, while nodding at the asynchronous amount of female versus male nudity in Hollywood films (I appreciated it both as a cinephile and carnivore). And last, a cardinal rule from early horror — to see a bit and imagine the rest — activates well when we see footage of four bags of body parts, aka Cooper’s work.

In the scene with his wife — Cooper is all The Shining vibes — as he moves closer, casually discussing his killer-dom, removed emotionally from her, and really also, their son, he becomes when Riley, Riley, Riley. She sees the police take him away and runs over, hug attack on both sides. If you are here for dissonance, Hartnett has it for you. When they embrace, do not tell me it is not real. How it can be so does not concern Shyamalan, and that tracks. The raw emotion between the two packs up my pathos.

During the concert, recalling the way Cooper stares at Riley’s face, after telling her he needs to go to the bathroom, where he will check on his scary life: She urges him to go, saying she is fine on her own. The linger locks in Hartnett’s mastery of Cooper. Willing to trust her in the crowd, being proud of her, letting go and allowing her to be, taking extra seconds to make sure she is extra safe.

original publication at Cine Suffragette here

[oddygaul]

Plane Movie Roundup #1 - Henry Sugar, Spaceman, Enter the Dragon

Initially it felt a little weird to group things as Plane Movies, but then I thought about it some more, and… well, have I really watched something if I've only watched it on a plane? Yes, but also no. I think it’s helpful context to remember I watched something tired, distracted, and with the constant rumble of a jet engine blaring in my ear.

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

I actually watched all of this series of shorts except this one last year (The Rat Catcher was my fav), but just now got around to Henry Sugar. So, this applies to all of them, but - I absolutely love the style these shorts are done in. The rapid, feverish monologues while the actors stare the audience down complements Wes Anderson’s style to a T, and the constant shuffle of the sets and stagecraft is enthralling. The actors all swapping between multiple roles adds a very odd drama to the proceedings, and the casting was great as well - I can’t imagine someone I’d rather have locking eyes with me and calmly reciting narration than Richard Ayoade.

Anyway, Henry Sugar in particular was alright. The slow unveiling of the mystery in the first half kept my attention, but when all was said and done it felt a little saccharine. I thought it started to broach a genuinely interesting discussion about the class disparity of skill mastery: for all that we romanticize the idea of the starving artist, isn’t an independently wealthy person, who doesn’t have to spend time worrying or doing anything about their bills, plans or obligations*, able to have a fast track to bettering any skill they want? Doesn’t it feel particularly frustrating that despite creative arts typically being seen as a pure expression of emotion and feeling, due to the massive time investment required to excel, they're tied up in social status just like everything else? The example here was even particularly salient to examining that idea, given the inherent spirituality often suggested by meditation which Sugar clearly lacks.

*Not to mention the cost of equipment and the networking / connections required to actually make a career out of something creative, even if you’ve already gained the skill to do it

And yet, in a twist even more unrealistic than being able to see through solid objects with one’s eyes closed, the laughably wealthy man decides to use his new wealth-gaining technique to better the world and help those around him. What a fairy tale.

Part of me wishes it followed the hinted-at horror tangent of Sugar being unable to see anything beyond the base organic makeup of all the bodies around him… but we have Luther Strode for that, I guess.

Spaceman

Wasn’t really impressed by this movie… I think what the creators found interesting about the premise and what I found interesting about the premise were drastically different. If you came here for Space Madness – Is This Man Really Hanging Out With a Giant Spider or Not??, well, that sucks, because Spaceman is largely disinterested in questioning Jakub’s sanity and is content to accept Hanuš as his giant space therapist with very little fuss. If you’re here for Loneliness in Space – Can One Even Begin to Fathom the Ultimate Desolation of the Void??, again, not so much.

Instead, the movie is essentially Toxic Man Who Was Shitty to His Wife and Spends Way Too Much Time at Work Realizes That’s Bad While in Orbit of Jupiter which… didn’t do much for me. Feels real easy to have an epiphany about how you were wrong when you’re half a solar system away and can’t actually work on that problem in any meaningful way… and then the way he tries reaching out is by sending a generic, manipulative message to his wife and then immediately flinging himself out of his ship on a suicidal one-way spacewalk? Doesn’t really feel like you meaningfully learned your lesson, my guy.

The ridiculousness of the spider did result in some great moments, though. Hanuš rollin out of the pantry eating nutella while saying “Hey, tough break bud, that sounds really rough” like he’s Adam Sandler’s fuckin college roommate was pretty choice.

Enter the Dragon 

Initial thoughts: god damn Bruce Lee is hot as fuck Latter thoughts: god damn Bruce Lee is scary

This was my first Bruce Lee movie… and what a trip it was. From the jump, I felt like I was out of my depth in a weird way when he started talking about ‘emotional content’, but still, I enjoyed this from an aesthetic standpoint if nothing else.

Mostly, Enter the Dragon was one of those movies where upon watching it, dozens of other things clicked into place in my head - media that was inspired by it, media that has parodied it, media that’s reverent towards it. And here, unlike many other times where I’ve first experienced older, hugely influential works, I was immensely entertained. The music is groovin start to finish, it has some of the best funny cheese moments (Bruce throwing the snake into the guardroom, the facility guards walking around with nunchuks like that’s a thing that anyone does), and the fight choreo is killer. Lee absolutely schooling O’Hara in their duel with that move like water shit… mmm. Give me more of that.

Okay, so the other thing that really struck me is how fucking scary Bruce Lee is in this movie. Now, maybe I just think of kung fu movies as lighthearted due to their constant parody in pop culture, or because the ones I actually grew up with, like Kung Fu Hustle, are decidedly comedic - but even putting that aside, I think Enter the Dragon genuinely is intentionally tongue-in-cheek much of the time. It even plays into the nonviolent, “don’t worry, they’re just sleeping” trope with Bruce only knocking out the guards on his nighttime excursion. So it came as a real shock every time Bruce Lee just straight up fucking brutally murdered a dude. Look, with O’Hara it makes sense, he absolutely had it coming, but it’s still wild to watch the camera slowly pan into Bruce Lee’s face, fully focusing on his thousand-yard-stare, theremins going wild in the background. Not a man to fuck with.

[quijotine]

'No therapy? Fine. I'll do it myself binch,' Adrien said.

Part 2 to the "Somebody take this child to therapy challenge :D" meta

I know this season's apple of our eye when it comes to analysing has been Adrien and what in the heck will happen to him. Based on the developments of Sole Crusher, Queen Banana, and Optygami, there's a lot more cloth to cut from and I just wanna point out that for as painful as it is to see Adrien feel like he's being left out, like his worst dreams are coming to life, it's very much necessary and in line with the hints we already had throughout earlier episodes. Particularly, I think that the appearance of Zoé and the (partial?) end of his friendship with Chloé is, to an extent, even more relevant than those 5 seconds of sucker punch angst at the end of Optygami. Why? Well, because Adrien's greatest fear is to be alone. We've been knew. Nothing surprising about that. Painful af? For sure, but we knew this would happen the second Marinette trusted in Alya. And trust and believe, it's going to get much worse. But as I said in the first part of this meta, it's also going to get better. And we're already getting hints it is. Bear in mind the fact that the boy who is feeling shoved to the side by his best friend is also the same boy who followed through on his warning to Chloe. I feel like we glossed over this too quickly: Adrien set a boundary with someone he considered not only a friend, but his OLDEST friend. He has cut off the person he refused to throw under the bus because she was the only company he had. This is HUGE character development, guys. This is the boy that is terrified to the bone of being unnecessary, irrelevant, and alone, denying the affection of someone he considered a friend because he recognizes he cannot be around someone like that. Are you kidding me?! Adrien, you're doing not good, not great, YOU'RE DOING SPECTACULAR, SWEETIE. This is the sort of boundary-setting he needs to exercise not only with Chloe but with his father, and yes, later on, with Ladybug. Then there's the fact of Zoé, who I wholeheartedly believe is there to set an example not only to Chloé as it was implied by Tikki at the end of Queen Banana, but to Adrien as well. As I mentioned in this post, the parallels between Zoé and Adrien are almost freaky. Zoé has a lot in common with Adrien. From the family context, to their social status, to the psychological issues they are dealing with. The only difference is that, thanks to Marinette's support, Zoé was able to be vulnerable and share her issues. And what did I say in the last paragraph of the first meta?

I am also completely convinced that once the Jenga tower of angst falls, he will be able to rise above it if he can bring himself to show this vulnerability to his friends. As we saw, the Miracuclass is a band of cuties who really go out of their way to support their friends, with Marinette leading the hoard of positivity, no less.

I mean, call it a coincidence but I'm really quite convinced that Zoé's finding immediate support in Marinette and the Miracuclass being the new kid will reassure Adrien to do the same. Especially if he finds himself in a context where he feels he cannot rely on his only support network (which is really more of a thread when you think about it lol) anymore. We like to say Adrien's completely alone, but the extent of his loneliness depends on whether he can learn to speak out and make himself vulnerable. After all, none of his sidelining (which, bear in mind has only 'officially' happened in two eps) is intentional, and we know for a fact that Marinette and the class would absolutely jump head first to catch him if they saw how much he's struggling. In a context like that, I can totally see why Adrien is continuously overlooked in the visual narrative: Because his self love journey is about learning to make himself be seen. And what better way to emphasize on him learning to do that than by not only telling us, but showing us.

[yutahoes]

3Bs Project #2 : Band Member

3Bs are known as the three male professions that women should avoid to date in Japan: a biyoushi (hairstylist), a band member, and a bartender.  

pairing : band bassist! Yuta Nakamoto x  band leader’s sister! Y/N 

word count : 3.3k words

genre : fluff, angst

summary : Band members break your heart but bassists crush them.  

warning : alcohol, character death, cheating

taglist:  @ailoveyuta @aiforyuu @yutazen01 @2-3-t-i​ @cosmiclatte28  @readers-posts @ytzvivi @onefoureightfive    

I don’t have anything against band members and bassists. I also don’t condone cheating or any sort. This is inspired by Shut Up Flower Boyband.  The band leader, Y/N's brother, doesn't have a name in this fic. He's also not a NCT member. You'll find out why.

“Thank you and goodnight!” the lead singer of the band shouted that made the girls in the audience scream their lungs out. The other members just smiled at the overwhelming reaction that their fans had given them, liking the atmosphere that the underground club had given them. Once the boys went off the stage, female audiences were swarming around making Johnny, the playboy of the group, delighted. 

Taeyong, Jaehyun, and, Yuta weren’t interested in these things so they decided to grab a drink and just watch the other members interact with their fans. “At this rate, we might not go home with leader-nim again.” Taeyong joked that made Yuta laugh. 

Their silent pianist suddenly smiled. "Look, he fished someone already." Jaehyun noted while pointing at the band vocalist who was hugging a girl. Yuta did a double look at the girl, she's really pretty. This girl is their crazy leader's fangirl? 

"Hyung, who's the girl with leader hyung?" Mark, the maknae, asked. 

Taeyong drank on his glass, taking all the liquor. "Y/N." He stated. "His sister." Of course, Taeyong would know that considering that he and the leader of the group were childhood friends. 

The guy in question came to the table. "Guys, my sister." He introduced. Johnny was about to shake hands with the girl when the other spits on his hand. "No touching."

Y/N giggled then bowed at the guys. "Hi, I'm Y/N." She introduced with a smile. Yuta looked around the guys, do they hear his heartbeat? "Annyeong Taeyong oppa." She greeted with a wave. And suddenly Yuta wanted to be Taeyong. What's happening to him?

"Annyeong, I'm Mark!" The maknae greeted brightly that made Y/N laugh. 

"You play the guitar earlier. You're so amazing." She complimented that made the youngest beam widely. "All of you are amazing and handsome." Yuta didn't know why but when they had eye contact, the girl just smiled at her and he was cursing himself for looking like a fool. 

Something inside Yuta changed when he met her, he was looking forward to every performance just to see her but go home feeling defeated. He tried hinting to their leader that he wanted to see his sister but as crazy as he is, he wouldn't let the girl to their gigs. 

Until the start of classes arrived. Even if Yuta is active as a member of a band, he's still a college student and education should be his priority. He was famous at school, being a cold city guy every girl likes. He would always be seen seated by the window, wearing his earphones just like now. He didn't bother much when the seat next to him moved but removed his earphones when the teacher came in. "Oh new student, welcome!" The teacher greeted, looking at his seatmate. He took a glance and was surprised. 

"Neh. I'm Y/N, please take care of me." She said then bowed at her classmates. Yuta's heart has been doing flips, they're in the same class? Now, he has a reason to stay at school. The flips had been going crazy when he realized that they're so close to each other that he could feel the heat of her skin. 

"Nakamoto Yuta!" The teacher called that made him surprise. "Present but mentally absent, are we Mr. Nakamoto?" 

He bowed at the teacher then glanced at his seatmate once again. "You're the guitarist from my brother's band, right?" He nodded which made her smile. "What a coincidence."

What's happening to him? Now, his stomach is churning. Is he nervous? Without any word, he left the classroom to run outside. He didn't care if this has detention written all over it but he can't stay close to her. His heart will go haywire if he stays too close. "You're in love," Jaehyun claimed then hung up the phone. The other three: Taeyong, Mark, and Johnny all muttered the same thing. Is he really in love? 

"You should ask her out." their leader suggested. Of course, Yuta didn't tell the older that it was his sister they're talking about. "Get yourself a girlfriend, kiddo!" He suggested then hung up. Why does everybody end their calls suddenly? And does he really look that desperate?

The class ended when he came back in the classroom but Y/N was still sitting there, writing. He was busy admiring her that when she stood up that made them both surprised. "What happened to you? The teacher was asking where you have been." 

Yuta was blank. 'I'm out asking my friends what's happening with my heart whenever I see you.' Should he tell her that? "I'm not feeling well, I went to the clinic."

She nodded. "Are you alright now?" She asked that made him nod. "We have an assignment. Here." She said then gave him a piece of paper. "I'll get going. See you later Yuta-shii."

"Wait," Yuta called which made her turn back at him. "Do you want to have lunch together?" Y/N gave him a curious look. "So that we can do the assignment together." 

The girl just smiled then nodded. "I'll see you at the cafeteria."  

This is bad. If her brother knows that they’re eating lunch like this, he will kill him. But then, it’s just lunch. And it’s not his fault that they’re in the same class. Maybe it’s destiny playing things on him. The simple lunch turned into endless lunches together and since they share the same class, they spend more time together. Students on campus were all saying that they look good together, even calling them the ‘power couple’ but she would always shrug them off and say that Yuta and her are just friends. 

Yeah, just friends. For now. 

His bandmates had no idea that he's hanging out with her. They just knew that he likes someone, a classmate, because of all the love songs he had written for the band. And he planned to not tell them about her and him. If there even is a her and him. 

It was that day, at the coffee shop, with their books sprawled in front of them when a sunbae approached them asking for her number. He was in a school band, Yuta remembers. "Oh, I'm sorry sunbae. I'm not interested in band members." She answered without even looking up from her book. The sunbae left but Yuta kept on looking at her. That hurts. 

"What?" She asked when she looked at him. Yuta shook his head. This is really just plain friendship, he's sure of that. But why? Her brother is a band member, why isn't she interested? "Yuta, just ask your question. Are you having trouble?" She leaned closer to check his book, creating a small distance between their faces. 

But he likes her. So much. All he can ever think is her. And all those songs, they were for her. His confessions that he cannot tell her. Can he even tell her his feelings? "What's wrong with dating a band member?" Y/N glanced at him and he took every ounce of self-control not to kiss her there and then. 

"Rockstars break your heart." He felt a bullet on his chest. It's ironic now, a wannabe rockstar has his heartbroken. "That is what oppa always says and my parents are the best example of that."

He heard about the story of their parents from Taeyong. Their dad was a bassist of a band and he chose his dream, leaving his wife and children. Their mom killed herself because of loneliness, leaving the two kids alone in life. Now, he understands where she's coming from. It must really be painful for her. 

Yuta stared at her for a while. There's still something that he can do. "But your brother hasn't broken your heart yet." 

"I'm going to kill him if he..." 

"I'm not going to break your heart." He quickly regretted the words coming out of his mouth. Fuck, this is a confession. 

He held his breath when she stared at him, the curve of her lips curling up. "We'll see." 

Yuta was hopeful at her reaction. She didn't say no, not even rejecting the idea of the two of them together. They kept on hanging out, every single time, and when she came to one of their gigs, they had to pretend that nothing was going on between them. Which is entirely impossible because of the small smiles and the light hand brushing whenever they would stand next to each other. 

"That was a great song," Y/N commented after singing one of their newer songs. "It's my first time hearing about it." 

Jaehyun chuckled then pointed at Yuta. "He wrote that for his girlfriend."

"There's a girl in his school that hyung likes." Mark teased. "He's been really inspired lately." 

Johnny chuckled then drank his beer. "Isn't she a transferee? You never actually told us her name." 

Y/N chuckled then leaned closer to the referred guy. "I didn't know you have a girlfriend." Yuta gave her a knowing smile. "Is she pretty?"

"The prettiest." He whispered, "And I'll introduce her to you if she becomes my girlfriend." A smile was plastered on Y/N's face which was changed when she glanced at her brother. He was looking at the two of them. He knows. 

Their bond became stronger. They had been inseparable at school, just at school. They're together during lunchtime or break, they sit next to each other at class. It was that one day, she was seated on the rooftop and he lay his head on her lap when he asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes. It was quick that Yuta cannot believe it. They're together now. She's his girlfriend now. 

"I promise to not break your heart, Y/N." 

"Yuta, don't promise anything. Just do it." And he nodded, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the lips. It felt right, everything feels right. "What will we tell oppa?" Then it occurred to him, like being awakened from a wonderful dream. Her brother.

During one of their gigs, Yuta invited her to hear the song he made for her and she came to support the band. His eyes were on her the entire time and she would give him a smile whenever their eyes met. A gesture that the lead vocalist had noticed. When the band went to their table, Yuta sat beside Y/N and announced that they were indeed dating. 

Taeyong was the first one who congratulated them, then Mark and Jaehyun. Johnny glanced at their leader who downed a glass of beer then smiled at the couple. Y/N lightly glanced at Yuta and he gave her a reassuring smile, holding her hand tight and not even letting go. 

The days were fine, the whole campus seemed to rejoice at the thought of them together. Yuta was assured that everything is perfect. That was when he got a call after class, Y/N's brother. He was nervous, to say the least, but he knew he needed to talk with him. "Are you really dating my sister?" The crazy leader asked the moment he saw Yuta, which made the younger nod. "Do you love her?" Yuta nodded again. "Breakup with her."

"Hyung?" 

"I don't want my sister to marry a band member like me or our dad." He knows that, the reason why he did everything to stop the girl from watching their gigs. But why? He can prove that he's different. "Sooner or later, you might hurt her." He stated that made Yuta surprised. "So just break up with her."

"Hyung, I love her more than my life. What makes you think that I could hurt her?"

The older stared at something in front of him as if seeing a ghost in the air. "You said before that the band matters to you more than anything in this world." 

"I said that before I met her."

"How can that change because of my sister?"

"I love her." And he badly wanted him to see that. 

"I also love her. She's my sister. But I will do everything to make sure that the band succeeds." The leader thoughtfully exclaimed. "I can only accept you as my brother-in-law if you make the band successful." Yuta smiled and was about to answer when the older raced him to talk. "Because by that time, all the fame will be in your head..." he said, his fingers like a gun pointing on Yuta's temple. "And you will forget about my sister."

Can he just punch this guy? Just one punch? How are he and Y/N siblings? "Yuta." The older one called. "Just make the band famous before I die." What the heck is he talking about? 

The two were crossing the street when suddenly a black car overtook another car. Everything was fast, Yuta was in shock seeing the bloody leader lying on the streets. The crowd was gathering around them and the injured boy just smiled at his friend. "Do it, for me." Now, his mind is in chaos. Should he follow his heart or the crazy leader? 

Yuta hated that he couldn't show himself to her and his bandmates as they grieved over the death of their friend. This guilt is killing him. This was all his fault. He should have saved him, he should be the one dead now. Not him. Y/N needs him. It broke his heart more seeing the girl he loves crying over the only family she had left and he can't do anything. 

His plan was simple at first. He knew about the entertainment representative that has the hots for him, maybe flirt with her a little then let her know about the band. Once the band gets a little famous, find a new bassist and he'll leave them. Then maybe, just maybe, he can go back to her. Take care of her and build a new family with her. 

But the girl is more cunning than he thought. After a series of drinks, he was knocked out black. His clothes were gone and the girl was naked beside him that made him curse angrily at himself. He needed to leave immediately, this isn't it. This is a bad idea. 

He took a shower to remove the dirt he's feeling. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why is he doing these things? "Oh, Yuta. He's in the shower."  He heard someone say and he quickly went out of the shower room although he's dripping wet. "I'll tell him you called, Y/N." Fuck! "She said she's the sister of your bandmate." 

He quickly dialed her number, sitting on the bed, when he felt a hand on his chest. She picked up the phone but he was so distracted that he dropped it on the bed. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"Don't tell me you didn't like this, Yuta. You were all over me last night." She kissed a spot on his chest as he moved away from her, covering his naked body with the blanket. "I'll make some calls and your band will play mainstream as you wanted. Just be mine." 

He saw the phone blinked, a message from her. 'Please don't see me again.' He hated himself for breaking her heart like this. He doesn't deserve her. So this is indeed better. 

Yuta's cheek was hurting when he came to see the boys, Johnny landed a punch on his face and Mark isn't even talking to him. "What happened to you, Yuta?" Taeyong asked but he just shrugged, Jaehyun handed him a handkerchief to wipe the blood from his lip. The bassist handed them a piece of paper that surprised Taeyong, a record deal from an entertainment agency. "What is this?" 

"This was hyung's dying wish." Yuta said then gave them music sheets, "My final gift. Please make the band successful." 

Mark stared at him in surprise. "Hyung, what? Are you leaving the band?" 

He nodded then stood up, "I already told Lee Jeno to practice." Then he was out of the door. Out of the band. And out of all of this. 

That was seven years ago. He quit the band, quit the entertainment circle, and just started doing some small business when Mark saw him once. "Hyung, it's our fifth debut anniversary. Can you come? I'm sure the other hyung wants to see you?" And Yuta just nodded, maybe everyone already moved on. 

But he didn't. Especially seeing Y/N talking to Taeyong when he came into the club. Mark introduced Yuta to the new members, Taeil and Jeno. He awkwardly greeted the members of the band but it was Taeyong who greeted him warmly. "You remember Y/N, right?" The girl laughed then nodded at Taeyong, making Johnny scoff. Jaehyun even reminded that they used to date which surprised Jeno. 

Yuta should have left after the party but he's here, seated by the bar and drinking his second glass of scotch. "Hi, Yuta." He hissed, how can he forget that voice? "Are you driving back? Maybe you should slow down on drinking." She even sat next to him. She moved on. But then, it was him who slept with another girl. He cheated on her. He broke her heart. 

He turned to her and she was just staring at him. "You look better." He complimented and she giggled. Why is his heart beating crazy at that sound? 

"You too." She said awkwardly. "How are you?" Yuta was about to answer when she continued, "I was surprised when Taeyong oppa told me about you quitting the band. What do you do now?" 

"Small business, here and there." He answered curtly. “I realized I’m not set to be in a band.” 

"I'm sorry Yuta." She whispered that made him surprised, why is she apologizing? It should be him. "Me and oppa ruined your dream." 

He was surprised, ruined his dream? "It was I who broke your heart. I'm sorry." 

Y/N shook her head, smiling. "I know why you did it, Taeyong told me.” She sighed. “And thank you, for making my brother’s wish come true.” He shook his head and she laughed. “It really does happen thrice, being in pain.” She said more to herself and he wanted to apologize for that but she smiled widely at him. “Band members really do break your heart but bassists crush it. That makes them hot." 

Yuta had to laugh at that. “Do you have a thing with bassists?” She shook her head and was about to say something when her phone rang, excusing herself to answer it. 

He lightly glanced at her but a glistening band on her finger captured his attention. Is she married? "Yeah, I'm here." She said then smiled at Yuta before glancing around. "Oh, I can see you. I'm by the bar." She dropped the call then turned to the person coming their way. 

“Are you...?” 

She nodded. “Two years ago.” Then she smiled warmly. “He picked up the broken pieces.” He did hurt her. 

He watched as the girl he used to love went to another man's arm. She really did move on from him. "Yuta, this is my husband Ji Hansol." He greeted the guy and Y/N introduced him to Mark who called for Yuta. "Where are the others?" 

"The backroom, noona." The younger answered and she excused herself and her husband to come and greet the other members. "Hyung," Mark called while laughing then hitting his shoulder. "Noona's husband looks like you." 

"Maybe she hasn't moved on from you yet." 

Yuta shook his head. She did. She looked happier now. 

And he's not in the position to take her back, seeing how happy she is. 

A girl leaned in the bar counter, asking for a drink from the bartender. "Hi, you look lonely." The girl whispered that made Yuta smirk. "I'm the bassist of the band earlier. Do you want to hang out?" 

He started laughing to himself. Band members would break your heart but bassists crush it. Her words kept repeating on him. Yuta shook his head, politely declining the girl’s invitation. 

He can’t bear to get his heart crushed once again. 

[lostinfantasyworlds]

WIP Wednesday: Under the Northern Lights (coming soon!)

Summary (Modern AU): Kagome Higurashi has her dream job, working as a nature/wildlife photographer for the internationally well-known Yugen magazine. Her job whisks her all around the world, leaving her lonely sometimes but mostly just incredibly grateful to get paid to do what she loves. When she gets sent to northern Alaska for a month to photograph a series of celestial events, she runs into Inuyasha, a half-demon who lives on his own in the middle of nowhere. A mutual attraction draws them to each other, but Kagome's time there is limited. Will he ease her loneliness or only make it worse?

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I'm so excited about this story!! I've always loved night sky photography since I got my first DSLR, although I'm nowhere near good enough to photograph for a magazine - I can only dream ��. Plus Yugen magazine is a concept I thought of in college for my Editorial Design class. So yes, this story is a little bit of a self insert on my part😆. But besides that, you can expect plenty of fluff and romance, as well as a nice dose of angst (don't worry - I believe in happy endings)!

I have no idea when I'll actually be ready to start posting this, but hopefully sometime in the next couple weeks.

Somehow there already existed the most perfect song to go along with this story. I still can't get over it. If you want to get the vibe, listen to Aurora Borealis by Bohnes (I'm so in love with it!). I'll be posting a full playlist (possibly one for each chapter because I'm extra AF) with the story 🥰

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Just a little disclaimer - I had not read any of Chasing the Vortex at the time when I wrote the outline for this story. I finally read it yesterday and realized how many accidental similarities there are in this story, so I apologize in advance @neutronstarchild and @fawn-eyed-girl ! I honestly didn't even know that Kagome was a photographer for a magazine in your story when I wrote this😆. I never want anyone to think I'm copying their ideas, so I just wanted to throw that out there that I’m sorry! I swear the stories are still very different despite certain similarities 🥰

Btw, if you're reading this and haven't read Chasing the Vortex yet, you definitely should! I'm loving it so far, it's SO good!! ❤️

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Tagging (let me know if you want on or off!): @alyyyyyssssaaa​​ @bluehawaiicat​​​ @born-for-eachother​​​ @deactivated2431545484​​ @goshinote​​​​ @gruviyasharuto​​​​ @julyzaa​​​​ @ladyaerilla​​​​ @littleredwritinghat​​​ @liz8080​​​ @malditamigs​​
​​ @neutronstarchild​​​​ @redflamesofpassion​​​​ @rocioanime4​​​​ @sailorlolo​​​​ @sangoslays​​​​ @sunsetskys​​​​ @superpixie42​​​​ @zukkosbaby​​

Preview under the cut! (Fluff with just a hint of angst)

The view was absolutely stunning, the sky covered in puffy clouds glowing with saturated reds, pinks, and yellows. The snowy landscape contrasted against the colorful sky, the jagged mountains providing a bold silhouette against the glowing crimson sun.

Even Inuyasha could admit that it was a particularly beautiful sunset. Unfortunately, he was having trouble paying any attention to it at all.

He found Kagome to be much more captivating.

He watched her silently as she worked, jogging around the area with her camera in hand, switching lenses and angles to capture different views. He was mesmerized by her, the way her passion for her craft oozed out of her as she clicked away, her eyes bright and a small smile on her face.

When the sun finally disappeared just below the horizon, she released her camera to hang from her neck and took a seat on the ground with her feet dangling over the edge of the rock face. Inuyasha sat down next to her.

“So, this was a good pick?” he asked.

“Mmhm! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen one quite as beautiful, and I’ve photographed a lot of sunsets. I’m so happy I got to capture that,” she responded, still a bit breathless. She turned to look at him with a beaming smile on her face, her blue eyes still sparkling with passion and excitement. The remaining light from the sunset cast a warm luster across her face, her cheeks and nose especially rosy from the biting chill in the air.

Inuyasha could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. He had never seen someone glow like that before.

Damn it, why did she have to be so beautiful?

He tried to fight against the warm tingling bubbling up under his skin. He didn’t want to feel this way about her, knowing it was going to be pointless in the end.

But he also knew he was fighting a losing battle, the fuzzy feeling overpowering his better judgement.

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Can I kiss you?”

He immediately felt embarrassment wash over him, his cheeks darkening with a deep blush.

Why did I have to go and ask that? Idiot!

Kagome’s smile fell only slightly, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“We’ve done a lot more than just kiss, Inuyasha.”

She smirked at him, as if reminding him of the obvious. He huffed slightly in annoyance.

How does she not get it?

Now he was not only embarrassed, he was also apparently going to have to spell it out for her.

“I know that, dummy.”

He rolled his eyes for emphasis, then hesitated a moment before continuing.

“I just meant — cause we’re out in public like this and all. We’re not in bed so I thought it might mean something different...”

He trailed off as he saw the realization finally dawn on her face. Her smile disappeared completely, her mouth falling open in a silent oh. Her eyes unfocused, staring past him as she processed what he meant.

Inuyasha turned away from her, unable to look at her anymore. He felt his ears flatten against his head as he began backtracking.

“Forget it. It was a stupid thing to say, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he mumbled.

Kagome tried to work through her thoughts as quickly as possible, not wanting to leave him hanging. She hadn’t even thought anything of his question at first, being more surprised than anything else that he had asked it seemingly out of the blue.

But he was right. If he kissed her right now, it would mean something different than the kisses they had shared so far. They had both agreed to “have some fun” with each other while she was in Alaska, with the mutual understanding that she was going to leave in a couple weeks and never see him again. It was a subtle difference, but kissing outside of sex felt like another dynamic entirely.

She knew she should say no. That they would be crossing an unspoken line, one that would surely hurt them more in the end.

But he had asked to kiss her, showing that he respected her choices and boundaries instead of just assuming he had an unlimited pass to her body now that they had slept together.

And the way he blushed when he asked made her feel warm all over.

And she really wanted to kiss him too.

Making up her mind, she rested a hand on his face to turn him back towards her, noticing his lips part in surprise. She kissed him softly, letting it linger a moment before pulling back and removing her hand. They smiled at each other, and she decided to take it one step further by holding out her hand, palm up, in between them. Inuyasha took the invitation, lacing his fingers through hers. Kagome sighed happily before resting her head on his shoulder and watching the last of the sun’s light slowly disappear.

They both felt the shift, like the joining of their hands went beyond the simple physical touch. It felt like they had leapt off a cliff together, her inevitable departure waiting for them at the bottom like jagged rocks with the power to break them. She knew it was probably one of the stupidest decisions she had ever made, and yet the butterflies in her stomach and her racing pulse told another story. She felt happy, and light. Better than she had felt in a long time, possibly even in her life.

Once the sky had darkened and stars began to twinkle above, Inuyasha turned to look at her again, his expression serious. His golden eyes searched her sapphire depths, not sure exactly what he was looking for. They looked at each other for another stretch of time, maybe a second, maybe an hour, before he leaned in and brought his lips to hers again.

[yacoka]

SHOOTING STARS

pairing — yamaguchi tadashi x reader

genre — slightly angstish? but overall fluff I think

beta — @doughnuts-5ever​

note(s) — my piece for the to infinity and beyond collab!!

-ˏˋ please reblog if you enjoyed this! ˊˎ-

YEAR ONE

you’re a novice with trembling hands and a shaky stance. the weight of the bow is unforgiving, the string cruel, cutting deep into your fragile skin. the wind blows harshly, and you’re not entirely sure what, nor where the target is. so there you remain, eyes closed and bow drawn, snapped arrows scattered all around.

first days of anything are never easy, not when you’re entering a new phase of life, into a new environment all alone. sometimes it gets eased by the people around you, the friends you make. sometimes it doesn’t.

your first day of highschool stretches on for almost half a year, and you’re still where you’ve started - alone and lonely.

it has never been easy for you to make friends, and it certainly didn’t help you didn’t really know how to. you suppose it’s partly due to the fact that you could never decide on what to say and what time to say it. too many conversations had been killed by your ill-timed inputs, and eventually, you stopped trying.

loneliness is not a foreign companion, and you’d like to think you’ve made good friends with it. but it leans a little too heavy on you, every step takes a little more effort. it wraps its arms around you like a lover, whispering in your ears as you watch the group of teenagers in front of you push each other around, joking and laughing and having fun.

your head dips a little lower and your shoulders slump a little more. it’s just another day; another long, lonely day. you’ll be okay.

or maybe not.

a hard shove has you flying backwards, and you yelp in shock and fear. wide eyes meet yours and a hand reaches out to grab your arm, stabilizing you.

“hinata, you idiot!” a voice rages, and it snaps out of the shock-induced haze you’ve settled into.

“are you alright?” the boy in front of you asks, and you register who exactly it is that’s still holding your hand. his hazel eyes are filled with concern, and you can’t help but get distracted by the stray strand of green hair standing up.

“i- uh, yeah-” you stumble out. the warmth of his hand is distracting, and maybe you’ve been out of touch with talking to people for far too long. “fine.”

he eyes you worriedly, and there’s a moment of hesitation before he nods and lets go of you. “i’m so sorry about my friend, we were just messing around, and it got a little… out of hand.”

“it’s fine,” you shake your head lightly. “i’m okay, it’s-”

“i’m so sorry, are you okay?” another boy jumps right into your face, all pink-faced and messy red hair. “i didn’t mean to run you over, kageyama just bet me i couldn’t run backwards, i’m so sorry-”

he’s yanked back by another boy, this one taller than the previous two. “i’m sorry about this one, he’s lacking a few brain cells tonight.” he shoots you a bland smile before dragging the redhead away, another boy following after them.

“you’re sure you’re fine?” he asks you once more.

“i am, don’t worry,” you smile at him reassuringly. “i should get going, thank you for catching me.” without waiting for his response, you bow quickly, speeding off home.

you know it means nothing to him, but you remember how good it felt to have someone be concerned, to feel like someone cared. it's a fleeting thought, but you thought, just maybe, he could be someone to you.

you’ve only just begun to familiarise yourself with the bow, and you’re a far cry from a perfect shot. you’re still a little lost, beaten and bruised by the harsh snaps of the bow’s string. but you’re learning, and the arrows aren’t as cruel as they once were. they too, have learnt to have patience with you. you shift your feet, and you wait.

it’s almost the end of the year when one of your classmates approaches with a nervous smile.

“hey, y/n right?” she smiles politely. you know of her presence, the blonde girl reminiscent of wild daisies along the road with a sweet spring personality to match. she’s even prettier up close, and you can’t help but panic a little at the realization that you don't know her name.

how could you have shared a class with her for almost a year and not know her name?

“i’m sorry, i must’ve got your name wrong! please forgive me! i was so sure you were y/n, i shouldn’t have made assumptions, please forgi-”

“no, no, i am y/n!” you cut her off quickly. “that’s my name.” a nervous chuckle slips out of you.

“oh,” her shoulders slump in relief. “that’s good. i’m yachi! yachi hitoka.”

“uh, hi yachi.” you greet her, awkwardly shifting on your feet. this interaction had been going on for longer than you were prepared for, and you were very well aware of how bad your conversational skills were, especially without preparation. thankfully, yachi seemed to get the hint and gets to the point immediately.

“i’m one of the managers for the volleyball club, and shimizu, the senior volleyball manager, is graduating soon, and we’ll need another manager to help us out. do you think you’ll be interested in joining us?”

the very idea of helping out a club, where you had to interact with numerous people, for the next few years, was in short, terrifying. but it was as if yachi could see the very thoughts floating through your mind, and she was quick to add on, “i know it seems really intimidating! i thought so too when i first joined. but everyone was really welcoming, and i think you’d be a great fit. please just consider it?”

at her hopeful smile, you couldn't say no, not without causing that adorable expression to fall. so without thinking, you blurt out a yes, you'll try out being a manager for a week. the grin that yachi gives you almost makes the nerves that follow worth it.

you somehow find yourself outside the gym after school, nervously listening to the squeaking of shoes and slamming of balls. a couple of minutes passed, and you gathered your scattered bits of courage into a tight fist, holding on to it for dear life as you push open the doors.

you’re instantly greeted by yachi, who as it turns out, was about to go and find you.

“hey, y/n! this is shimizu, she’s the senior manager.” you smile politely at her, introducing yourself. it doesn’t take long for the rest of the volleyball club to notice your intrusion.

“who’s this?” a grey-haired boy sticks his head over shimizu’s shoulder. she elbows him back lightly before introducing you to the boys who had been quick to gather around the entrance.

it was intimidating, the stares that were locked onto you, analyzing you. you weren’t used to this much attention, and your discomfort was clear as you shifted nervously on your feet, eyes darting around in slight panic. it ran from face to face, hurriedly try to connect the names that were being thrown out. tanaka, asahi, nishinoya, hinata, yamaguchi-

yamaguchi.

you gaped a little at the overly familiar face standing in front of you. that was the boy that had saved you the night before. and that must mean- yes there were the others, the one who ran you over, and the over two who had barely exchanged a few words before leaving.

(no, your shoulders did not relax slightly at their familiar faces. and no, your heart rate certainly didn’t raise at the sight of yamaguchi. you were perfectly composed, as much as you could be under the scrutiny of so many people.)

the polite smile you give is accompanied with a slight bow, and as you greet them officially, your eyes lingers a little longer upon the green-haired boy. maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something else, something new.

YEAR TWO

the target finally comes into view, with black and green circles that surround a pulsing, bright red. for the first time you see something with stunning clarity, and you know where you need to aim for. your arms raise in preparation, the arrow poised, and you wait.

it’s been a little over six months since you’ve joined the volleyball club as their manager, and yet it feels like forever as you sit with your fellow second years below the large oak tree in the courtyard. there’s a soft murmur of conversation and laughter, mixed in with a little bit of chaos as hinata and kageyama get up to their usual schemes.

yachi reels them in just enough to keep things from exploding, though tsukishima certainly doesn’t help anything with his snarky jabs and snickers. you laugh once again as he throws another passive-aggressive comment at the two, leaning against yamaguchi’s side.

the contact leaves sparks jumping across your skin, and the circus comes to life within you. yamaguchi doesn’t seem to notice how affected you are, in fact even seeming to shift so you could lean on him more comfortably. no one notices anything, or so you think until yachi makes eye contact with you. she gives you a knowing look, and you flush deeply, pulling yourself upright.

(you miss the slight downturn of yamaguchi’s lips when you do so, and the subconscious shift of his body following yours.)

you manage to tame the turbulence of emotions within you, and with a fond smile, you watch your little group of friends as they chatter on about everything and anything. it’s sharp contrast from last year, where you were alone and lonely.

now, you had a group of people who you loved and cared for, and who loved and cared for you in return. it’s another day filled with laughter and joy, with burdens to be shared, and company to be had. you’re grateful for them, for all that they’ve brought into your life, even the chaos that trail behind them.

loneliness wasn’t foreign to you, but it also wasn’t as close of a friend as it used to be. instead, these five had filled the void it was so determined to maintain, and they pushed you to grow as they did, to aim for higher heights, even when it seemed impossible.

and as yamaguchi smiles at you when you try and fail to catch the grape that hinata pelts at you, you realize, the warmth you once so desperately sought now curls in the corner of your chest, hidden behind your ribcage.

you had them now, and they had you.

even with a clear target, you can’t seem to take the shot. it’s frustrating, and your arms ache from being held up for so long, your fingers bloodied. the bowstring is stained red with your aching failure, and you’re sure your limbs have gone numb from being frozen for too long. but still, you maintain your position, set in determination.

there’s a running tally in the club room of who gets the most confessions out of the second years, and at the very moment, yachi takes the lead with eight. it’s a wonder it isn’t more, though you know there have been many who had been scared off by the boys.

(tsukishima and kageyama, to be exact. hinata and yamaguchi were much too friendly to ever be seen otherwise.)

and it looks like there’s another score to be added to the tally as you watch a freshman approach yamaguchi, one hand holding a letter and the other a box of chocolates. he greets her with a bright smile, and the sight sends dull, rusted arrows into your heart. it isn’t the first time he’s been confessed to, though it still hurts the same every time.

you can’t help the bitter smile that rests on your lips as you watch them. there’s a mixture of admiration and anger that bubbles in your chest; admiration for the courage the girl had to confess, anger for not being able to do the same. there’s a box that sits beneath your bed containing a bunch of letters you’ve written to him, though none of them have ever made it out of your possession.

it’s horrible of you, you know, to enjoy the look on their faces when yamaguchi turns them down, and the sick relief that settles your jealousy.

Today though, your heart drops into your stomach when yamaguchi accepts the chocolates, something he’s never done before. was he accepting her confession? a warm hand lands on your shoulder and you jump, whirling around to see tsukishima staring down at you.

“he didn’t,” the blond says firmly, his hand still firmly planted on your shoulder. “he won’t.”

biting back the tears that threaten to fall, you nod your head shakily. but the sight that greets you when you turn back around taunts you with deafening doubts you’re not sure tsukishima can quell.

“how can you be so sure,” you whisper quietly. “he looks happy enough with her, doesn’t he?”

tsukishima remains silent as yamaguchi pulls out of the hug, but his grip tightens, and you know he’s here for you, no matter what.

YEAR THREE

the target calls out to you, it dares you, it taunts you. but still you remain waiting, no matter how much your arms ache, how heavy the bow feels, how painful your fingers are. the tension’s drawn too taut, but you’re no stranger to it. you’ll hold, you’ll persevere on. you won’t shoot until it’s time.

it’s valentine’s day, and there’s a flurry of activity as people rush around trying to profess their love to someone. there’s a mess of chocolates flying and candies scattered around with a few people fighting to gift their present first. you’ve never been a fan of the chaos that valentine’s day brings, and there’s an underlying bitterness that comes from never being on the receiving end.

fighting through the crowd that had formed outside yamaguchi and tsukishima’s class, you managed to squeeze through the doorway. someone grabs your arm and yanks you further into the classroom, and it is only due to spending so much time together that you know it’s kageyama.

his grip was always gentle, but firm enough to guide you around.

“hey guys!” you grin cheerily at them. “so who’s got the most goods this time round?”

hinata raises his hand proudly. “i got three more chocolates than kageyama, suck on that!” he sticks his tongue out at kageyama.

kageyama scowls, grabbing one of the chocolates at the table and pelting it straight at hinata’s forehead. “just you wait, i’ll beat you by the end of today.”

“how much did you get y/n?” yachi cuts in gracefully, smiling at you from behind her pile of sweets. “i bet many people confessed to you, huh?”

you grin weakly at her. “none, actually. i don’t really talk to anyone outside of you guys.”

she frowns slightly at this. “well, that’s alright! do you want some of mine? i won’t be able to finish it all. too many sweet things isn’t good for me anyways.”

“no, that’s alright. thanks yachi.”

yamaguchi yelps suddenly, drawing everyone’s attention upon him. he’s scowling at tsukishima, rubbing his side in pain while the blond smirks in faux innocence.

“yamaguchi, are you okay?” your question has him flushing a violent red as he turns his gaze upon you.

“ye-yeah! i’m fine, tsukki just got a little handsy is all,” he waves a dismissive hand. you don’t miss the subtle glare tsukishima shoots him, as well as the hand that sneaks another pinch into his side. “also!” yamaguchi’s smile tightens. “i made some chocolates for you!” he thrusts out a black box tied off with a red ribbon.

your brows raise as you exchange an appreciative look with kageyama.

“for us? thank you yamaguchi, you’re the best!” hinata dives for the box, and snatches it out of his hands. he’s quick to delve into it, sounds of appreciation falling from his chocolate covered lips as he devours a good third of it.

“they weren’t for- nevermind, save some for the others hinata,” yamaguchi sighs exasperatedly.

“aye aye captain,” hinata replies with a salute. “these are really good!”

you also don’t miss the way yamaguchi keeps glancing at you, nor the flush that refuses to subside after you complimented his chocolates. though you refuse to feed into the voice that whispers to your heart that he likes you, he likes you just as much as you do him, you have a chance, a real shot here, you can’t help the flutter your heart gives in response.

the crowd begins to disperse into clusters of families and friends, and you fight your way through them to find your friends. you take three elbows to the chest and a couple near accidents before you find them standing under your usual tree.

“we did it!” you greet them breathlessly, throwing yourself onto the nearest person in a hug. the rest join in, and you’re surrounded by some of the best people in your life who have made memories worth keeping, who have helped you fly.

it takes a long while before the hug dissolves into slight tears and messy thanks and goodbyes. before you even realized what had happened, only you and yamaguchi were left standing alone beneath the tree, the other four having been caught by other friends wanting to say goodbye.

“so,” you smiled at him through watery eyes. “this is it.”

he grins at you, and it hits you how much you feel for him. you wished you had more time, more courage, more of him. what you would give to be able to say the words that have resided in your heart for a long time. i love you, i love you, i love you. you are made of the night sky, of stars that shine so bright, peace that brings so much joy. you are my wishing star, and there’s nothing else i’d wish for than you.

but you stay silent, a prisoner to your fear, chained by the doubts that have never left. instead, you do the only thing that doesn’t require speaking, one action that speaks of the thousand words you’d like to say - you offer him your second button.

yamaguchi’s grin widens into a smile, filled with hope and something too complex to be defined by words. his hand reaches out, shaking ever so slightly, and he offers his to you as well. it takes a moment for you to comprehend his silent response, and another before you slide your hand into his, your buttons clasped between both your hands.

his hand is rough from years of volleyball, but you find you don’t mind it when his free hand slides up to cup your cheek. it’s a tender gesture, and you melt into his touch.

“we took a while, didn’t we?” he whispers, leaning his forehead against yours.

“just a while,” you hum, shifting even closer to him. “but it’s worth it.”

your arrow flies, and it flies and flies, and it lands. it lands with a gloriously solid thud, dead center of your target. you’re a far cry from a professional, but your shot has finally landed, and you’ve won more than a bullseye.

you’ve won love.

[freddiekluger]

Do you think that if the ghosts sees period dramas set in their time, it will reignite memories of their life?

i think it definitely depends on the accuracy and style of the drama- if they're too poorly researched, any attempts at reverie would be totally disrupted by the historical and visual inaccuracies (think: thomas yelling about the 'roccoco legs' during the byron shoot). of course the other big thing is setting: it's all well and good to watch to a movie set in your time period, but if it's based in a country you've never been to (especially for the older/less privileged ghosts like mary and robin, who probably didn't have much knowledge of the world outside of their continent when they were alive), it's not going to feel particularly familiar.

working on the assumption that we have at least partial historical and geographical accuracy, here's how i think each of the ghosts would respond to

robin: considering how little we actually know about early human history, i don't think robin would be that fussed by any attempt to put that on film- he'd still appreciate a good caveman joke, although he's not a big fan of how stupid every movie assumes they would have been (it's not like they had omega-3 tablets back then!). robin's unspeakably old, and for the most part he seems to have processed through all the parts of his past that he possibly can, and is now committed to enjoying his time at button house as much as he can (a big part of this is his prankster spirit and frankly underrated friendliness), so it would have to take a lot more than a stone age movie to rake up serious conflict.

mary: given her incredibly traumatic death, mary avoids virtually anything that hints of fire or witchcraft which is where things become difficult. i think mary could really enjoy a film set in her time if it follows a working family not dissimilar to her own- it could help her remember some of the positive things from her life, and probably help her feel a lot more seen as she often ends up misunderstood or ignored by the other ghosts (pat initially dismissing mary's advice about the camera work because he didn't think she properly understood what was happening; the ghosts focusing on correcting her speech more than what she actually says). the problem is, almost all movies set in mary's time that follow people from her class end up focusing on the witch trials, which is a BIG no no for her.

humphrey: i think humphrey could really enjoy watching some tudor set films. like mary, he often gets ignored (and straight up left behind), so watching a period film absolutely gives him the opportunity to feel a bit more seen and stew on those long forgotten memories like post-meal games of cards with friends, or the occasional hunting trip when the king came to visit (the trips themselves were more stressful than anything, but mouthing off about them with the king's entourage after he went to bed was always a highlight). humphrey would definitely have a keen eye for inaccuracies, but i don't think they'd bother him. it's just nice to have things be about him for a change (if by him, we mean having all the ghosts watching something that is vaguely related to his alive-period and actually looking to him with questions instead of just using his head as their personal football/security camera/magic 8ball).

kitty: kitty is one of the ghosts who accesses her memories pretty easily- she has no problem with thinking about her life, even when the anecdotes are screamingly sad to anyone listening. so a period film would naturally bring some memories, but i don't know if they'd be anything radical or new- kitty's real growth and drama would come from her leaving behind the rationalisations of what clearly was severe neglect. actually on that note, while not quite kitty's environment, i think she might get a lot out of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette. something about the themes of the loneliness that comes with growing up in high society and only being valued for what your status and your biology can give to your family and your husband (who you likely didn't choose), along with feeling like an outsider and being visibly othered, even by those you outrank, no matter how friendly and approachable and like them you make yourself (while not necessarily linked to the broader themes of familial neglect kitty's character touches on, i think her experiences as a georgian noblewoman of colour would have to have impacted her growing up and also socially- i'd love to hear any thoughts on this from fans of colour, as i'm white and so any theories i could come up with would likely be a poor approximation). and she'd definitely like the pretty dresses and stunning rooms of versailles, and for that i can't blame her.

thomas: most of thomas we sort of got to see in Free Pass- the detail nitpicking, the excitement until a specific trigger from his life (in this case, lord byron, the man thomas considers his greatest enemy, although i’d be curious to know whether byron acually had any idea of thomas thorne’s existence) causes him to go into a full thomas hissy-fit. sure, the emotion is real to him, but he absolutely plays it up, even trying to get humphrey’s body to fetch alison so she can see how ‘upset’ he is (thomas reminds me of a child in this respect).  there’d probably be less of the tantruming for a movie that had already been made, although i’m not so sure about the memory point. The Thomas Thorne Affair sort of brought out thomas’s big Unresolved Life Mystery, and now i think all that’s left for him to work through has got to be a lot more internal. sure, he’d be reminded of a few good old parties, and maybe any romance scenes might trigger some of the sad isabelle/general lost love emotions, but i don’t think they’d be anything particularly spectacular. 

fanny: now fanny would be a real stickler for accuracy. she would be calling out every makeup, decorative, hair, wardrobe, architectural, and lingual failure with the classic lady button judgement in her voice. this is probably half because she can't help herself, but half a measure to distract herself from actually having to pay proper attention and relive her life. i think fanny struggles a lot with no longer running her own household (along with the shifting morals, and fashions, of the modern world), and so to be reminded of everything she can no longer have would be tough. i'm not saying she would long for a time when women didn't have a lot of rights, but she went from a wealthy society woman who held a lot of power in her own sphere to a ghost, unable to touch anything or even be seen by the living (save for the photo glitch), and stuck spending her days with a motley crew of equally frustrating ghosts whom she doesn't always feel respected by (noting that 'respect' to fanny is much the same as deference). she could have it a lot worse, but i think fanny would much prefer to not have to think about her old life.

the captain: the captain is an interesting one. he's one of the few ghosts who actively seeks out media related to his time, although that's within the impersonal war documentary which focuses on facts and mechanics as opposed to day to day realities and feelings. on the one hand, any war film for the captain would be sure to rake up memories of wartime (even if he never made the front- that remains unconfirmed), and the immense grief that comes with watching the people around you slowly stop returning home. the captain is a war fanatic, and has no problem talking about the great battles, victories, and tactics, so i think the heightened emotional states that a film presents would be the key to unlocking the captain's inevitable wartime trauma and going beyond the surface level facts. for that reason, i'd really like the captain to see Peter Weir's Gallipoli. i know it's the wrong war and the wrong country (although the australian's were technically part of the British forces), but i think the overarching themes of the idolisation of the military, the deconstruction of the glory of war, and the intense (bordering on the homoerotic) although never quite realised relationship between Archy and Frank (which, spoiler alert, ends in tragedy), could give the captain a lot in terms of food for thought and unlocking some of those deeper experiences. on the other hand, the captain watching a period film set in the years before his war could be equally interesting- i think they'd play on some his is insecurities and general issues surrounding the difficulty he may have had fitting in with day-to-day life (not just due to his homosexuel répression, but due to his broader issues with fitting in socially which we see through his interactions with both the ghosts and his own forces- some particularly valid fans have used these to headcanon cap as autistic). in short, films would unlock a fair few memories for cap, but even more EMOTIONS.

pat: with pat and julian it gets interesting because while yes, technically any movie set in a non-current time period is a ‘period piece’, you also have to deal with the fact that they’re going to have less impact on their respective ghosts because you also have actual movies from those periods floating around. for this reason, my answers for pat and julian are relatively similar: they wouldnt have any more memories appear than for any film coming from while they were alive. for pat, this means he’d get pretty excited about ones that came from his childhood (pat would be a giant sci fi fan don’t @ me he loves technology), but i think anything that came with too strong a family attachmet, or that he watched in the weeks/months/year leading up to his death might bring out the angry pat we saw in Happy Death Day and Perfect Day. anger is how his inherent death trauma (and the additional loss that comes from the world moving on without you) manifests, so i definitely think that would come out here, even if he isn’t quite able to put his finger on why specific movies make him so angry/irritated. for pat, childhood memories would abound, but the closer we get to his death, there’s less memories but definitely more unresolved emotion.

julian: see my point above about the whole period-film-vs-regular-film thing. julian doesn’t really strike me as a movie person, and i definitely think he wouldn’t give much care to the influx of 80s/90s set british political media (think The Iron Lady etc). in his words, “i don’t really care for politics, and they’re all too busy trying to push their labor propaganda”. he just makes a captain-inspired noise when alison reminds him that he WAS a politician. julian is another character who accesses his memories pretty easily (although they’re usually either horny or at least slightly morally bankrupt), and i honestly find it hard to give a tory emotions so i’m very excited to see how the christmas special manages. julian is a self-centred bloke though, so i think only things that are directly about him could have the power to rake up buried memories and feelings. now i really want to see julian watching a documentary on himself and just getting outraged.

thanks for this one, sorry for the delay!!

[xfandomwritingsx]

Hold Your Breath - Chapter One: A Blank Page - Draco Malfoy

-gif source unknown-

Description: After decisions put you on opposite side of the war, returning to Hogwarts to finish your education proves to be challenging. Maybe closure isn’t the only thing you need from Draco.

Warnings/Labels: Angst. Hints of depression. Unhappy reunions.

Approx. Word Count: 3,000

A/N: I’m trying to keep the reader’s house open for interpretation, but I think it’s pretty plain to see that in my head, she’s a Ravenclaw. I’m also not a fan of this chapter. This is the chapter in which I converted what I had written of the oneshot into a longer piece so there are bits that to me still have a different feel than the rest. Makes it a little choppy when I read it, but hopefully it’s not bad for you!

Story Masterpost

-

September 1998

The world looks the same as it always has outside of the train window, but it all feels different. Colors still feel muted and even though there’s less chaos raging behind the trees, they still give you an ominous feeling deep in your gut. There are familiar faces on the train, but not enough to make you feel at home. Eyes either avoid yours or stare uncomfortably long. You feel out of place. You’re not supposed to be here.

But, yet, here you are. Your classmates have affectionately dubbed it “The 8th Year” at Hogwarts and even that makes you feel ill-fitting since you didn’t actually attend any of your 7th year so how could it possibly be considered your 8th? You had spent all of last year in hiding, most of which at The Burrow working to gain trust and prove your worth. You’d spent the end of it fighting on the winning side and risking your life for people you once hated.

You don’t belong.

And right now, if you could, you might just get off the train and call it quits on the whole 8th year idea. But you’re already committed now and you refuse to be labeled a quitter. It’s time to move on and build a life for yourself and you know that starts with finishing your education as best you can. So you swallowed the nausea and stayed.

You are one of the last ones off the train partly because you don’t like being in the crowd and partly because you hope it might lessen the stares. Armed with a bag filled almost entirely of long sleeved shirts, you take a deep breath and step onto the platform.

The air is warm, though the threat of colder weather ahead lingers in the air. You yearn for it, having taken a liking to the cold in the last year or so. Trees still hold their color so you suspect you have to wait just a little while for it yet. At least it gives you something to look forward to.

You begin your walk down the platform, feet padding gently along the wood. One step at a time, you tell yourself. One foot in front of the other until they suddenly stop when the sight of Draco exiting the train a few doors down causes your lungs to seize. You’d heard he would be attending so it shouldn’t have stunned you to see him, but it did. You had chosen to ignore the fact that you’d likely run into him, instead choosing to blindly hope you could somehow avoid him all year.

The thinning crowd of people allows you to see him fairly clearly. He’s looks good, well and healthy even. The little boy who broke your heart had grown into a man somehow. Perhaps in the four short months since the end of the war, he had healed. Maybe he was atoning for his wrongs. A softness in your heart grows as you watch him, letting yourself briefly daydream about a happy reunion filled with apologies and hope for the future.

His eyes scan the platform and when they fall on you, your heart speeds up anxiously. His look is not warm or friendly and when you recognize the façade painted on his face, your girlish fantasies are wiped away. He’s nothing more than the same boy he’s always been, playing pretend in a black dress jacket and trousers with a coward’s fear hidden behind his steely eyes.

He doesn’t even acknowledge you, just keeps scanning the platform before adjusting his jacket and continuing on his way. Pushing back the anger you feel starting to bubble, you tighten your grip on your bag and make your way to the carriages by yourself.

~~~

Your memories of him have always come in waves and the last two weeks have been no different as you settled into your new, old routine at school. You can go hours, even days without thinking about him and then out of nowhere, a memory will hit you so strongly that you feel like you’ve entered a pensieve.

Even now, looking at him across the great hall, you can still remember his touch. You can still practically feel his breath on your skin, your nails in his back. It was pain and comfort all in one. You remember how he’d laid his head in your lap afterwards. You still can’t be sure if the wetness left on your thighs was sweat or if he’d cried while he laid with you.

You cringe at how you had so naively thought that was the end of it. You were his salvation and he’d wake up the next morning and run away with you to the other side, to the right side of the war. But those had been foolish, little girl dreams. And you promised yourself after seeing him exit the train that you wouldn’t get involved with Draco Malfoy again.

So why can’t you stop staring at him?

Maybe because he hasn’t so much as acknowledged your existence yet and that, more than anything, pisses you off even if it shouldn’t. Despite your vow to yourself, you crave him talking to you, looking at you, noticing you’re alive for Merlin’s sake! Instead, you feel like you’ve been completely invisible to him. While this clearly made it easier to not get involved, it bothers you. He’s taking away your choice to be rid of him which is just rude.

Fingers snap in front of your face.

“Do you just want to hex him and be done with it?” Ginny asks next to you, a ghost of a smile on her lips. One positive of this year; the voluntary segregation of sitting with your house had been all but completely abandoned, allowing you to sit with the very few friends you have. “You could probably do it with minimal punishment.”

“I don’t want to hex him,” you argue softly, forcing your eyes back down to the plate in front of you. Ginny raises an eyebrow at you.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes!” You let out a huff and poke the food with your fork. “No. Maybe a little bit,” you admit. She nudges your shoulder with her own and sighs sympathetically. Ginny was never someone you thought you’d end up close with, but after staying with her family during the war, she’d become practically like your sister. She’s a better friend than you’d ever had before. Probably better than you deserve too.

“Have you spoken to him?” She keeps her voice quiet amongst the chatter in the hall. You look at her, full of irrational guilt, and shake your head in the smallest fashion you can. “Maybe you should.” You look back to him and remember the way he felt on top of you, whispering your name and the way your legs wrapped around his waist. But then, just as suddenly, you’re hit with the memory of him walking away from you in the middle of the night with a hollowness in your chest.

“I think that’s the last thing I need to do.” You force yourself to stop looking at him throughout the rest of your meal and attempt to join into jovial conversation at the table.

Fate, however, seemed to have heard your words and thusly thrust her middle finger out to you, because Draco is suddenly everywhere. It was inevitable that you run into each other, after all, you had classes together, but he still seems to be within your eyesight an excessive amount; sitting right in front of you during lessons, resting under your favorite tree, always managing to be where you can see his face during meals. Your only reprieve is your common room which you’ve taken to staying in during most of your free time.

Going strictly to and from classes and meals has become tiresome though. You’re starting to feel like you’re back in hiding and can feel a darkness creeping in. You don’t have an abundance of friends at Hogwarts. Or anywhere really. The loneliness threatens to eat away at you sometimes, but you keep it at bay by keeping your nose in your books; a coping skill you’ve become entirely too proficient at executing.

But today you venture out, book in hand, hoping to find a quiet place with a little background noise to read. A change of scenery and a breath of air may help the frayed nerves you haven’t been able to shake these last weeks. Your feet carry you to the library almost without any thought. It had been among one of the first areas rebuilt and reconstructed after the war and though they built it much the same as it had been, it had a distinctively new feel to it.

It’s a bit of a bustle with people, mostly first and second years who think studying is still the most important thing they can do. Idiots, you think. You walk around for a little bit, admiring the fresh wooden tables and shelves, before gravitating towards a back corner. There used to be a couple of chairs in a back row of books by the muggle section that no one ever frequented. With any luck, it might still exist.

Fate smiles down on you, but it’s a wicked smile because yes, your little nook is still there, but so is Draco. He sits in the armchair in plain clothes, an elbow on the armrest, and his face propped up on his fist as he stares down at the book in his lap. His platinum hair falls into his eyes, yet he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. He looks so ordinary, like he could be any man in the world and it irks you in a way you can’t put into words. He’s not ordinary. He’s not any man. He’s Draco Malfoy.

You stare long enough for him to sense it and look up from his book. And for what feels like for the first time all year, he looks at you. He freezes for just a moment, as though he’s shocked or perhaps scared at the sight of you. Then in a blink it’s gone, replaced by a softer tone in his eyes.

“Sorry,” he apologizes, his voice a rush of warm nostalgia. He closes his book. “I can leave.” Even though you’re negatively shaking your head, he gathers the bag at his feet and stands.

“It’s alright,” you try to tell him. “I’ll just go somewhere else.” He’s already standing up in front of you, ready to slink past. There’s an urge to reach out and grab his arm. You repress it.

“No, it’s fine. You like this spot.” He says it so quickly and his eyes flitter to anything but your face as he passes. Before you can try to say anything else, he’s disappeared beyond more shelves of books, completely out of view.

You’re left standing there looking after him feeling entirely unsatisfied and empty with the interaction. You can’t put your finger on or voice what you wanted to happen, but that certainly wasn’t it.

Sighing, you concede to do what you had come for. Even that proves to be too difficult because when you settle into the chair, it’s still soft with his imprint and warm with his body heat. It gives you the barest sensation of having him wrapped around you. It reminisces more than it should of that too-long-hug you shared before he’d kissed you for the first time. The memories washing over you make it too difficult to focus on the words in your book. You snap it shut and leave. The common room is clearly the better place to stay.

~~~

All of your interactions after that are all short and insignificant. He’s always there, but never looks your way. If he does have to speak to you, it’s always in a minimal way. It never fails to leave you frustrated and angry. Even your books aren’t easing your tension like they used to.

It's been nearly a full month now and throwing yourself into your studies hasn’t helped you any either. You’ve practically finished the coursework for half of your classes. Your homework is done well before you wish to go to sleep for the evening. You haven’t set foot outside the castle walls. You have so few friends, no family, and no one who can relate to your troubles. And the one person you’d counted on your whole life, your best friend and the boy you would have done almost anything for, barely even looks at you.

The suffocation of it all comes in the darkness of night. It crushes down on your chest and burns on your arm. Your fucking arm. You’ve scrubbed it. You’ve concealed it. You even went so far as to try to cut the skin off. Nothing works. That skull and snake are with you forever. And everyone knows it.

Some nights you can’t take it. You can’t merely lay in your bed and pretend sleep will come peacefully. So you leave your room. You wander the castle, trying to find those places that bring warmth to your heart and avoid those were people died.

Tonight, you go to the courtyard just to look at the stars. There’s something soulful about the sky. It’s where muggles look to when they pray to a higher power. It holds a universe more expansive than you could ever imagine. It could swallow you whole if you let it or maybe, just maybe one day it will show you how to be happy.

You forcibly don’t recognize that laying in grass and looking up at the sky had been something you and Draco used to do together. It works well enough to let you enjoy the activity again by yourself, but it blinds you to the idea that Draco might be doing the same thing.

You shouldn’t have been so surprised when you reach the courtyard and he’s there, leaning back on the fountain and staring upwards, but you are. When your shoe crunches on the gravel, his head snaps to you and with his own surprise, stands up.

Another short apology. Another move for a quick exit in the opposite direction of you. Your fists clench at your sides, unable to bottle in your anger any longer.

“Oh would you shove off with that?” you snap before he can slip back into the shadows. He turns and raises an eyebrow at you. “I was ready,” you tell him angrily. “I was ready to come back this year and hate you. I was ready to avoid you and shoot you pissed off glares from across the room. Then I get here and you avoid me!” His face puzzles for a moment.

“So you want me to try to talk to you so that you can tell me off?” A little bit of his old self, of the Draco you once knew and loved, comes through in an irritated eye roll. “Sorry to disappoint.” You let out a huff of air and cross your arms.

“Why are you avoiding me?” The puzzled look on his face returns.

“The way you’re reacting right now doesn’t answer that question for you?” He tilts his head and hums mockingly. “Not as smart as I thought you were.”

“Smarter than you are, clearly.” He grinds his jaw at your condescension and then he’s walking up to you, getting closer than he’s been all year and your bravery falters for a moment as your feet step you back and your arms uncross to hang useless by your sides.

“That’s why I haven’t approached you. I don’t need another lecture. I’ve been to trial. I’m on probation. I’ve had everything I’ve ever done wrong put out in front of me in excruciating detail. I don’t need you to give me another run through.” His eyes and his tone are cold, hard. You recognize it all too well and while he’s gotten better at hiding it, you can still see the pain underneath. It tries to soften you, but ultimately fails.

“They shouldn’t have let you come back,” you spit at him, instantly regretting the words when he pulls away. You don’t mean it. Of course you don’t mean it, but you say it with enough venom and hate that he believes it.

“We all made mistakes,” he hisses at you before glancing down to your arm. The heat of his stare practically stings and you have to resist that instinctive pull to hide it away. “I hear you’re the shining example everyone uses to demonstrate that not all bad guys hail from Slytherin, even despite the fact that you changed sides in the end.” The only reason you don’t crack your palm over his cheek is because you give in to the need to hold onto your left forearm tightly, your palm now busy cradling the skull of the Dark Mark underneath your shirt sleeve. “How’s that feel?”

“You’re horrid,” you tell him weakly. He tilts his head again.

“That is what everyone says.” He gives a shrug that tries too hard to be casual and finally steps out of your personal space. With a small shake of his head, he turns to leave again, but you refuse to let him get the last word.

“At least I tried to atone!” you call after him. He pauses, but doesn’t look back. “I did the right thing when it mattered!”

“And where did that get you?” he asks bitterly. “Where did it get your family?” You suck in a harsh breath and try desperately to hold back the tears that are abruptly burning behind your eyes. Dead, you think. It got them killed.

“They made their own choices.” It sounds rehearsed because it is. You told yourself those same words over and over again every night for months. Your parents weren’t good people. You knew that. They were still your parents though and when you heard He’d killed them, it hurt more than you want to admit. And Draco knew that. Draco knows your weaknesses and your soft spots and just how to twist a knife into you. Perhaps that’s why you hated him so much.

“You don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.” He still hasn’t even so much as looked over his shoulder back at you.

“Fine,” you answer curtly, your hand still wringing around your forearm. When he leaves, you allow yourself to crumple onto the ground and cry. You feel so much hollower than the last time he’d left you in tears. Back then, the air had practically crackled with tension and death and war. Now the air is silent, calm and that makes it all the more unsettling. All the more finite.

~~~

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[professional-bts-simp]

Birthday Debacle

Choi Yeonjun x Reader

Summary: One of the happiest days can turn into the worst one really fast.

Genre: Angst, some fluff at the ned

Warnings: Sad times, overthinking, implications of sex, Yeonjun being a dummy, but also kinda cute

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun peeked over the horizon on this extraordinary day, well extraordinary for you at least, it was finally your birthday and you couldn't wait to spend it with the people you love. Squirming around in bed you felt an incredible amount of heat behind you, turning your body towards the source of the heat you smiled at the other body that was lying beside you. He was peacefully sleeping, his face covered in yellow locks. You reached out your hand towards them, your fingers playing with his soft locks until he stirred in his sleep, opening his pretty brown eyes.

He gave you a bright smile, despite it being morning. You learned that your boyfriend wasn't really a morning person and you can't say you were one either, your eyes couldn't help but glance down at his teeth, you once joked that his teeth are so white they might blind you and he hasn't let it go ever since. Now he's even a little shit about it, teasing you by smiling and saying "You better put sunglasses on".

Now if you were wondering why today was so extraordinary and special it's because it was your birthday, your boyfriend hasn't said anything about it neither has he hinted he had something planned, but you knew he would. He wouldn't forget something so important.

You felt goosebumps arise on your skin as Yeonjun traced the outline of your body with his soft fingertips, a little shiver ran through your body as his fingers danced over your hip making you momentarily ticklish. He stopped his fingers and flattened his hand on your bare thigh giving it a little squeeze. 

"Last night was fun." Yeonjun's morning voice was deep and kind of gruff, yet you loved it nonetheless, if not more than his usual but you might just be biased. There was a teasing manner to his voice, an implication of last night's activities between you two.

"It really was," you smiled while kissing the tip of his nose. Moving closer to Yeonjun you put your head against his bare chest, listening peacefully to his heartbeat and focusing on his breathing as it elevated your head ever so slightly. Nothing was more perfect than this, lying in bed with your boyfriend, cuddling and snuggling together.

"I should get up to go shower." You mumble against the smooth skin of his neck, nose brushing against it as you took a deep breath of his scent. He always smelled so good, no matter if he was back from practise or if he washed himself, Yeonjun just had this specific smell that could calm you down even in the most stressful days. His chest moved up and down as he laughed, pressing a quick kiss against your forehead Yeonjun whispered, "Then get up and go shower babygirl."

You mumbled something incoherent but Yeonjun guessed you said "too lazy". He thought you were the cutest person to ever walk the earth no matter how many times Huening Kai protested that he was the cutest. Yeonjun loved you so much, and he showed it to you every day. By waking you up in the morning so you can go to your classes, sending goodnight and good morning texts, cooking for you, taking care of you when you're sick, you could name a million things he does for you and you are grateful for each and every one of them.

You opened your eyes again as you felt your bangs move from your forehead, "Let's get up babygirl." Was the thing Yeonjun said before throwing the blankets off your bodies and standing up. In his birthday suit. Butt-naked. 

Averting your eyes from Yeonjun's naked glorious body, you felt your face heat up, no matter how long you've been together, no matter how intimate you two get you'll always get flustered whenever he compliments you or flirts with you or when you think of him in an intimate way or any other way. He's a flirt and he knows it.

Picking up the T-Shirt, which he wore last night, from the floor you put it on so you weren't walking around in your birthday suit like your crackhead boyfriend. Walking towards the bathroom, looking like a double dead zombie, you try opening the door only to see it was locked. Knocking on it you heard Yeonjun's voice from the inside, "Yeeeeees?" You giggled at his silliness, "Honey are you going to be long? I need to shower."

"Yes I'm going to shower."

"But I said I'd do it first." You pointed a finger at your chest despite him not being able to see you, you heard feet shuffling and the door unlocking. Yeonjun's head popped out, his teeth biting his plump lips and his marker yellow hair over his eyes. "Well I got here first." He gave you a smirk to which you crossed your arms over your chest giving him a stern one back. Yeonjun's smirk only got wider as he moved closer whispering, "We could shower together."

Your face burst into flames immediately, your confident stance crumbling under his hungry gaze as your eyes downcast to the floor. Of course you weren't opposed to the idea of it, but what if you slipped and fell? Or got shampoo in your eyes? Or got water in your nose? Or-

"Baby?" Yeonjun's voice pulled you from your overthinking, snapping your eyes from the floor back to his which still held the same desire and lust but mixed with worry at your quiet state. Not trusting your own voice you nod weakly, his big hand engulfing yours as he led you to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Closing your laptop you rub your eyes to relieve them of the light you have been staring at for a few hours now, school was completely kicking your ass, but you wouldn't trade it for anything. Glancing at your phone for the one hundredth and one time in the past few hours, you frown at it again. No texts from Yeonjun. No calls. No nothing. You felt tears sprung against your eyes but you managed to contain them, just like how you were doing every time you checked. 

The same thoughts kept entering your mind. 

Did he forget your birthday? 

The ache in your chest only seemed to worsen the more you thought about it. Deciding to ignore and forget the loneliness you felt and take some action against it you call Soobin. Yeonjun said he'd be hanging out with his members, so they should know where he is for so long. 

After three rings Soobin picked up.

"Yeeeees," his cheery voice cut through the phone making you momentarily smile. 

"Hi Soobin, it's me." You heard him chuckle with an obvious 'duh'. 

"What's up?" There was shuffling on the other end as you guessed he moved from one place to another.

"Well I wanted to ask what you boys are up to."

Soobin went into explanation about how Taehyun and Kai are playing games while Beomgyu and him were getting ready to watch a movie. Your eyebrows were pulled into confusion, "And Yeonjun?"

"What about Yeonjun?"

"Well what is he doing?" There was silence on the other side for a few seconds, you could picture Soobin held the same confused face you and moments ago. "Yeonjun isn't here. He told us he'd be hanging with you today."

Now this was going from weird to suspicious. Why would Yeonjun tell you one thing and tell his members the other? You weren't one to accuse of cheating so that was way down your list, but it was very strange. "OH!" Soobin yelled into the phone loudly causing you to move it from your ear, "Happy birthday by the way." You heard a chorus of 'happy birthday' from the other boys which made you muster on a sad smile.

"Thanks Soobin, so far you're the first one to say that." And with that you hung up.

You flung yourself across the bed, arm covering your eyes as you let the stream of tears, you've been holding in all day, to finally fall down. 

Only one question was floating in your head.

Does he even care?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It has been five hours since you called Soobin and fourteen hours since you saw Yeonjun. A quick glance at the clock showed you it was now exactly a minute past 10 p.m.

Throughout the day you once again received no messages, no calls from your alleged boyfriend, you were very much doubting every word he told you about how he'll always be here for you, always take care of you, always make you feel better, but at this moment he was the reason for all your sadness.

The faint sound of door opening and closing speed up your heart rate. You suddenly felt nervous and fidgety. You didn't know if it was nerves from finally seeing him or nervous from knowing you'll have to confront him. Hearing the footsteps coming closer to the bedroom increased the sudden anxiety in your body. Yeonjun's handsome face emerged from the other side which made you smile slightly. 

Okay now focus, you're here to chew his ass out, not fawn over how pretty he is, no matter how fucking beautiful he was. You told yourself as you straightened your back and moved to sit criss-cross on the bed, eyes trained on him. 

Yeonjun's eyes widened as he saw you sitting on the bed, "Um, uh baby hi, I thought you'd be sleeping." You hate to admit it, but he looked somewhat guilty and all those insecurities and horrible thoughts you'd been pushing down came crashing down on you all in one.

"You know I don't sleep at this time." Your voice was distant and cold as Yeonjun picked up upon it and his face fell for a moment at your harsh tone, for a moment you felt guilty, but only a moment. This was your special day, it was your birthday and you couldn't even get a measly 'happy birthday' text from him.

Getting up from the bed you take a few steps towards him, "Where were you?" 

He cleared his throat before going over to the chair you threw all your stuff at and putting on the T-Shirt he slept in, "I told you, I was with the guys."

You scoffed. "That's a fucking lie. I called Soobin and he told me you didn't even come by them."

If you had to describe Yeonjun's expression it truly would be deer caught in headlights. He seemed stumped for an answer to your exposure of him and his lies, he cleared his throat, looking you directly in the eyes as he said, “You’re right. I wasn’t with the guys.” You felt another batch of tears coming up so you turned away from him and put your hand over your mouth to muffle your cries. You didn’t know what to think now, should you give him a chance to explain? Should you throw him out? Break up with him?

“If you weren’t with them where were you?” You had to stop yourself from asking who he was with.

“I was out, in a bar.”

“Why?”

Yeonjun sighed, you could hear his footsteps as he moved closer to you, “I wanted to be alone. The company has been putting a lot of pressure on us, we have been working harder and getting stressed more often. I just wanted a day away, a day only for myself.”

“Do you know which day today is?” Your voice was only but a whisper, you were scared to know the answer he will give to your question.

“Yeah it’s Friday, May 15th.”

Yeonjun suddenly got very quiet, the cogs in his brain turning slowly. “May 15th, oh my god it’s May 15th, your birthday.” With no warning he slammed his chest into your back momentarily knocking you off balance, arms squeezing you tightly, his face pressed into your hair.

“I’m so stupid, baby, oh God I’m stupid,” he turned you around and began attacking your face in kisses, giving one big final kiss to your lips, “fuck baby I’m an idiot!” He kissed you again and again, hoping and begging you to forgive him for being such a forgetful asshole. Yeonjun's face was swarming in tears, seemingly unable to stop falling as he cradled your face in his hands, rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs.  

"You are stupid and you are an idiot," you gave a laugh, "but you're my stupid idiot."

His face and eyes lightened up, now hopeful, "So you forgive me?"

You slowly grabbed his warm hands to hold in your own smaller ones, "I will admit I am still pretty mad, you did forget it after all." You gave him a sad look, a one which he reciprocated. 

Suddenly it seemed like something struck him, his expression growing happier by the second. Yeonjun gave you a quick peck on the lips and dashed straight for the living room. There was rummaging heard from inside of it for some seconds then he walked out, holding his hands behind his back. He stood in front of you, a small smile playing on his very handsome face. Yeonjun bit his lips nervously, glancing at the ground before making direct eye contact with you.

"Princess, I know I forgot your birthday and I feel terrible for it, but I love you so fucking much and I promise to be your personal butler for a week and that is only half of my apology gift. The other half is," he brought his hands in front of him, small black box in hand, "this." As Yeonjun said that he opened the box, a beautiful shiny silver ring stood in the middle of it.

Covering your face with your hands you laugh as tears of joy start falling from your eyes. You uncover your face to gaze upon the ring and your boyfriend, feeling an incredible amount of joy and love seeping out your heart.

"I've bought this a month before your birthday and planned on giving it to you, but like a dumbass I forgot." He chuckled.

"Now this isn't an engagement ring, but it is a promise ring," Yeonjun took it out of the box and he held it between his slender fingers, turning it around for you to see all of it, "and I promise to be the best boyfriend for you, to take care of you and to love you unconditionally every second of every day." He kissed the ring and slowly taking your hand he slid it on your finger. Upon closer look you could see the words 'I love you' engraved onto it.

You threw your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder, Yeonjun immediately hugging you back as you sobbed out, "I love you too." And with that you forgave him.

[shoujolover-666]

You never know what you are missing until it’s gone

Here you have the RookVil amnesia fic that I promised you guys. I hope it is to your liking.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162448

“Sorry, but I do not know who you are. I remember everyone else, but it seems like, as if I never met you before. What was your name again?” Those were the first words he heard from Vil on the day after his Overblot.

After Night Raven College lost to Royal Swords Academy and they were out of sight of the audience, Vil lost his consciousness again. Unlike the others, who overblotted before him, he didn’t have the chance to get enough to regain his energy.

The fact that he had to show a perfect performance on stage only made it worse.

That something like that would happen wasn’t something that was completely unexpected. What was unexpected was the fact that Vil lost his memories. To be more specific, his memories of Vil.

Strangely, the dorm leader could still remember everyone else, even those who didn’t belong to his own dorm.

Rook was smiling, as he mentioned some things they have done together, like the disciplining of the first years or even their training before the Vocal and Dance competition.

He even told the other how he was the one that stopped Neige from drinking the poisoned apple juice, but Vil just shook his head, saying that the face of the person who called out to him was a blur and apologized for not remembering, for the other did seem as if he was someone important to the other.

The hunter just kept smiling, telling the other that it wasn’t his fault, that he couldn’t blame him for not remembering, even if he felt as if an arrow pierced his heart. Was that what his prey usually felt?

“Don’t worry, Roi du Poison. I will stay by your side.”

Vil’s face turned to a grimace and shook his head. “I would prefer it if you wouldn’t. Instead, I would choose Epel to be by my side and help me. He might still be a potato, but he progressed a lot, so I think he would do at least decently.”

Epel, who was also present to visit him out of worry, looked at him with big, blue eyes, an expression of disbelief was on his face as he pointed at himself. His mouth was slightly gaping as he stuttered for a second.

“Me? Acting as a Vice?”

He nodded as the one who was lying on the bed got up and put his hand on the shorter man’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “Yes. Your looks have improved a lot, and so have your manners and your obedience towards me.

Also, I do clearly remember how you said that you believe that I can see how you have become the poisoned apple that I wanted you to be… but that isn’t the case. At least not yet. You can become it though, and I do appreciate the fact that you wanted to help me out by standing in the center, even though I do clearly remember that you despised standing on stage. I trust you enough to help me.”

Warmth was in his voice as he told the man with lavender coloured hair of his decision.

“Wait, I do believe that -” Rook wanted to say something against it, how it would be better for him to remain as the Vice to help Vil, but Epel took the dorm leader’s hand as his eyes were filled with determination.

“I am going to do it. You will see, I will become the poisoned apple and become even prettier and stronger than you expect me to be!”

There was a certainty in his voice that the hunter never expected, and he could see a gentle smile bloom on the taller man’s face. The man didn’t know what to think of it. On one hand, he was happy to see the growth of the diamond in the rough, on the other hand, he had a bitter taste on his tongue and couldn’t help but wish for a second to pierce the shorter man with one of his arrows.

For the last two years, he had been by Vil’s side almost all the time, aiding him and taking in his beauty from the front seat as his most trusted.

He never doubted even once that one day, he would lose this position, even after he had chosen to vote for Neige. He balled his hand to a fist, trying to calm down before he excused himself and left. Right now, it was obvious that Vil didn’t feel comfortable having him by his side, so he would leave.

🏹

When the sun rose, he was already up and on his way to Vil when he heard the voice of Epel to his surprise, before the memories of yesterday came up again. This time, he couldn’t help but grimace slightly before he turned on his heel to return to his own chambers. Usually, he would have helped the other with his clothes, and if the other was especially indulgent, with his make up.

He wasn’t needed anymore, which was why he would just go back to sleep again.

His shoulders were slightly slumped, but it didn’t matter, for no one else would be awake around this time of the day, at least not at their dorm.

Well, there was at least one good thing that came out of it. Rook would have more time to enjoy himself with some of the students of Savanaclaw without any complaints from his dorm leader.

That didn’t really comfort him, but at least it would distract him a bit of the loneliness he felt right now.

The hunter didn’t even change his clothes as he let himself fall onto the bed again, grabbing the book in which he had gathered the pictures of Neige. In the past, they always cheered him up when he was feeling down, offered him a light, but this time… even his idol couldn’t fill the hole that losing his spot left him with.

It almost made him regret what he did during the VDC, but he just couldn’t lie to himself.

Neige’s performance simply won him over with cheerfulness and happiness. It was something that made him feel warm.

Would Vil have remembered him if he stayed loyal to him? Or would he have forgotten him either way?

Rook wasn’t sure if the memory loss was a part of the betrayal that his dear friend, his queen must have felt during the moment he admitted it, or if it was because of the lack of rest after the Overblot.

At one point, the blonde closed the book again and sighed, putting it carefully on the table as he looked out of the window.

The sun was higher up, which meant it was time for class. Even though he was used to getting up that early while doing more than he did today, he felt more exhausted than ever. After he glanced at the mirror quickly to check if he was still presentable, he left his room to go to class.

Even if Vil didn’t remember him, he was sure that he still wouldn’t accept it if he were sloopy when it came to his looks as a fellow dorm member.

🏹

Rook wasn’t sitting at the same table as Vil and Epel for the whole week in the cafeteria, but he still had the chance to watch them from a place where they wouldn’t notice him immediately.

He was watching them carefully, his ears didn’t miss a single word they said. It was mostly Vil criticising Epel once again, but this time, the man with lavender coloured hair just took the criticism and was even willing to follow the other’s demands.

Usually, he wouldn’t have done that, always looking uncomfortable, unhappy.

This time, he almost seemed… happy to be able to spend time with the fellow blond, almost as if there never was even the tiniest bit of resentment for the other.

The students from the table next to him widened their eyes when the hunter bent his spoon with one hand and scattered away from him. Not that it mattered to him.

What he didn’t expect was Leona taking a seat beside him, a smug grin was on his lips as he swished his tail lazily.

“It is surprising to see you being apart from your oh so precious dorm leader. What’s wrong, trouble in paradise?”

Leona’s voice had a hint of amusement to it, something that was unusual when he was around the hunter, but Rook didn’t care too much about it right now. If he were in a different situation, he would probably have been delighted by it though. Instead, he stabbed a piece of meat with his fork as he smiled back at the king of lions. “Why would you say that, Roi des Lions?”

He looked at the brown haired man through half lidded eyes. At the moment, these kinds of taunts were less than appreciated.

“It is obvious by how you are not by his side at the moment, and by how your leader didn’t even glance at you. What, did you have some lover’s quarrel?”

Ah, of course the other wouldn’t know what was going on. After all, it was only Epel and himself who knew of the other’s situation, so -

“Or is it that the rumour of him having lost his memories of you is true?”

His head snapped to Leona as he looked at the taller man with a murderous look while the other was simply leaning his head on his hand.

“How -”

“So I didn’t mishear when I passed the infirmary. Heh.”

This time, the lion’s grin widened a bit more. Normally, Rook enjoyed playing with his prey, but he was really considering if he should get rid of Leona once and for all. After all, it was the hunter’s job to get rid of animals like him, wasn’t it?

“Don’t worry, I don’t intend on telling anyone else. Still, I find this situation rather amusing. Well, good luck getting him back. You should act fast though, or else the twerp might get the better of you.”

Did he mean Epel? Why should he? As far as he knew, all the other felt right now was admiration, maybe even pride, so…

When he looked back to the two other Pomefiore students, his eyes widened slightly. Now that he considered what the other told him… Wasn’t Epel a bit too close to Vil? Didn’t he let his touches linger a bit too long?

And the glint in his eyes… no, it couldn’t be. Was Monsieur Cherry Apple really in love with Vil? Not that it would be difficult to imagine it, a lot of people admired and adored Vil because of his beauty, but… no.

This was more personal than the love his fans had for him. He knew that Vil would be unreachable for those fans, but Epel did have the chance to have a hold on his chance.

Rook though… he had lost the chance when he still had it. Did it mean that he lost his chance on a Happily Ever After?

No, he couldn’t let it go like that.

👑

Vil returned back to his room, his mood was pretty good, even if it felt as if he was missing someone by his side. The student with the bob who visited him a week ago… he had a feeling that he had somewhat of an important role in his life, but he couldn’t say what it was. Every time he glanced at him though, he could feel a pain in his heart that just wouldn’t go away, unless he distracted himself. That was why he appreciated Epel’s presence so much lately. He was very diligent and tried his best to aid him as his Vice, even when he was inexperienced and still had a lot of work to do before he could become a beautiful but poisonous flower, his perfect poisoned apple.

As he opened the door to his room, he was surprised by the hand that grabbed him and pulled him inside. Without a warning, his world was flipped before he looked into pools of green that reminded him of fresh grass. What was the man doing here. He could feel a hint of pain, but it was drowned out by the other’s presence and scent. It reminded him of a strange mix of nature, dirt and cologne.

A silent voice in his mind commented how it perfectly fit him. His train of thoughts were suddenly disturbed as he felt the sensation of chapped but warm lips against his.

His eyes widened as he pressed his hands against the other’s chest, unsure if he should pull him closer or push him away, before his head started to hurt, bits and pieces of his memories returning from his unconscious mind as he started to remember why he had forgotten Rook in the first place.

Fairest One of All.

Vil used his unique magic on himself to make him forget the one who made him feel so betrayed under the condition that he would only get his memories back if the other were to kiss him with the expectation that it would never happen.

After all, didn’t he love Neige more than him? The dorm leader had given up on his love for the other after it was revealed that he had been number two of the Neige fanclub, for it meant that he had been dedicated to the black haired man for a much longer time than he had been to him. Something, that had made him feel so incredibly jealous, and it hurt him more than the fact that he lost to Neige LeBlanche once again.

Like that, he wouldn’t burden the other to stay by his side anymore, and he would have gotten the chance to forget his unrequited love and move on. So why?

“Why did you kiss me, Rook?”

He must have spoken the last sentence out loud, for Rook answered him.

“Because it should be obvious that I love you, my queen.”

Rook must have noticed that he had gotten his memories back as well, for he caressed his cheek ohh so gently, something that he didn’t dare to wish for since his Overblot.

Vil could feel the tears that started to gather as he tightened the grip on the other’s shirt, holding him tightly. How could the other still spin such sweet lies for him, even after he admitted that he liked Neige?

It was almost as if the hunter could read his thoughts, for he leant his forehead against his as he looked him in his eyes. A shiver ran down his spine, and he looked away, the intense look on Rook’s face was too much for him. Rook didn’t seem to like this though, for he grabbed his chin and gently coerced him to look at him once again. “I do admire Neige, but he is nothing more than an idol to me. You though, you are the queen I honestly adore, and I can’t bear it to be apart from you any longer, Vil.”

With that, Vil started to sob while Rook kissed his tears silently while whispering sweet nothings, holding him close to the other’s own body. He was shaking, he must look like a mess, but the other didn’t seem to care as he simply stayed by his side until he calmed down a bit.

Vil started to press his face against Rook’s chest at one point.

“I love you Rook, please don’t leave me for Neige.”

Finally, he dared to speak of the fear he had since Rook revealed that he was a Neige fan.

Even though Rook told him that he loved him and not Neige, he couldn’t help but expect the worst. Would the hunter be appalled by his greed and push him away after wishing for something so selfish? Would he be disgusted by his greed and leave him alone again?

Instead of being or doing any of that, he simply pulled him closer as he wrapped his strong arms around him, hugging him tightly as the shorter man’s warmth spread to him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t ever leave you, Roi du Poison, my beautiful Vil. As long as you accept this humble hunter and allow me to stay by your side, I won’t stray from you for as long as I live.”

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

Storyline Study: Bangar and Almorra

This is a rewritten form of the juicy parts of this post that I foolishly left under a readmore. (This isn't all of it; there are some buried insights that didn't fit so well into the structure of this version.)

Inspired by @allergy-sufferer-emo-wandererr's Bangar-centric PMV of the song Rains of Castamere.

"And who are you," the proud lord said, "that I must bow so low?"

"Only a cat of a different coat. That's all the truth I know. In a coat of gold, or a coat of red, a lion still has claws. And mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours."

And so he spoke... and so he spoke, that lord of Castamere. But now the rains weep o'er his halls, with no one there to hear. Yes, now the rains weep o'er his halls. And not a soul to hear.

This song is about a lord and an underling; it draws lines between ranks and classes. A very Bangar song, but there's a hint of Almorra in it, too - the gladium-turned-hero, estranged from her people first by custom, then by choice.

One of my favorite aspects of this story is how strikingly little we, the Commander, have to do with it. This story started before many of our Commanders were even born, such as how Almorra and Bangar met, what their relationship was like, whether Almorra's unnamed daughter is also Bangar's, and when they broke up; several parts of it occurred right in front of us without our realizing - your first Vigil mission addresses Ajax, and even a few key parts of it during Bound by Blood were only accidentally overheard by the Commander. And, of course, there is the fact that we would never even know anything if it weren't for our eavesdropping through Ryland's memories. We are simply not relevant. It's not our story.

I think this is appropriate. There are stories in Tyria we will never know in their entirety; this makes the world feel more real, that we have these untold stories reaching into the murky past, connecting us with history.

Back to the song; a lot of my insights are drawn from wondering if the song would fit them, and a few stumbles I made along the way. It drew out the similarities and differences in a very striking way.

First, I wondered if the song could be mostly about Almorra and less about Bangar, since the pmv felt... not exactly connected right. (No offense.)

In this incarnation, it would be about Almorra, a new gladium, being rejected by her culture (presumably, specifically Bangar) and going off to found the Vigil. Except that the song ends in loneliness; and despite Almorra's death and even Jhavi's line that no warrior should have to die alone, it just didn't feel like it fit properly.

Contrasted to the song, this made me realize that the stories of Almorra and Bangar are similar, but in a way that they contrasted each other as a sort of emphasis.

Almorra's story began with loneliness when she lost her warband, but then she grew - she founded the Vigil, she was an open-minded leader who was, ultimately, willing to join the Pact, and later be part of the extended Pact that killed Kralkatorrik. That's where her story was supposed to end; at the pinnacle of her victory - not just that she'd defeated Kralkatorrik, but also that she'd found new allies after the loss of her warband. And she proved that she wasn't just in it for revenge, she wasn't just a bitter fighter who was simply desperate to avenge her companions - she was a true warrior. She kept fighting. She was praised as a hero upon her return to Ascalon, but she brushed off the fakes who dumped her when she was alone (a brilliant lesson in itself about true friendship), and went to continue her life's work - and at the time? At that specific moment, she was going to bring life and hope to her soldiers - her people - telling them of Kralkatorrik's defeat. Almorra Soulkeeper is an awe-inspiring influence and role model, and it's a disgusting shame that Bangar did what he did. But that, I think, was a masterfully contrived symbol that Anet used to contrast their stories.

Bangar was an Imperator. He was a powerful fighter, a masterful influencer (first time I laid eyes on him I pegged him as a politician, and he did not disappoint), and the mentor of the best rising star of the Blood Legion. But his story is one of losing - he lost Rytlock who knows when, he lost Almorra at some point, he lost Ajax in the PS, and then we have the start of IBS when he took all who would, and went into the Shiverpeaks to hunt a dragon. There, he murdered Almorra, supposedly his fire and blood, which may have been what started Ryland's fall. And then, despite his claims of doing everything for the charr, he started a civil war that nearly wiped out the charr, turned a good chunk of them into Icebrood, and all for nothing - Jormag passed over him. To add insult to injury, he lost his last ally - Ryland. Bangar's story ends in a cage, locked in silence, with half of his interactions with other people being solely so that Aurene or the Commander (and even Crecia) could request an audience with Jormag, who has even taken his voice from him.

These stories are polar opposites. To illustrate Bangar's fall, he murders Almorra, the opposing story of success. Almorra achieved what she wanted with Kralkatorrik; Bangar failed utterly with Jormag. Almorra and Bangar's stories spiral together (I'm kind of picturing the spiral helix at the end of HoT), but they are separate and vastly different and both go in different directions. Despite their endings being similar - ending in loneliness - Bangar's story derives in part from his inability to keep Almorra with him after she becomes independent of him. IBS is the climax, the disaster, the desperation and failed hope, the resounding end to Bangar's story. But for Almorra, it was just an annoying epilogue. She'd already lived her story - without him - and emerged victorious.

These two stories are startling in the way they contrast and orbit each other. The Icebrood Saga starts when both are at the height of their power - Almorra has the Vigil and even all of the Pact behind her, she has the Commander, she even has the support of the charr for having killed Kralkatorrik. Bangar, a highly-respected Imperator, is a great uniter - he has brought the four Legions together and managed to have them cooperate peacefully in a celebration. Their positions are nearly equal. The tension arises when Almorra and Bangar still don't see eye-to-eye. There is a disconnect between their core values.

The song is about a lord and a subordinate (I imagine a lowly peasant). This is Bangar, highly respected and powerful, and Almorra, the exiled gladium. The song illustrates the lord's pride versus the peasant's declaration that "my claws are as long and sharp as yours" - or Bangar's pride versus Almorra's individuality, Bangar's army versus Almorra's influence. The song is remarkably simple and short; but the two actors in this story have weaved a dance of opposition and contrast - yin-yang, and light-and-dark.

It is a masterfully plotted echo, a pre-type, a sort of thematic foreshadowing of the opposing but twinned forces of Jormag and Primordus.

[suchalonelysunflower]

“A Great Place to Start a New Story” (m.c)

Pairing: Michael Clifford X Reader 

Summary: Michael is at his best friend wedding feeling lonely when a stranger comes up to him and gives him one of the best advices he’s ever heard. 

Warnings: None other than mentions of Alcohol, a few bad words and mentios of death. Also, some grammar mistakes (Not as many as before but still, English is not my first language, I’m sorry) 

Word Count: 2.5 K 

Author’s Note: Hello! Here you have another soft Michael fic with a neutral reader, I’ve been trying to incorporate that more into my writing lately so if you have any suggestions please don’t doubt in contacting me 😊 If you want to read more of 5SOS you can visit my recent Ashton fic, Luke fic and the second part of the Entangled Series ft. Calum and Harry S ✨ You can find the rest of my work HERE. Thank you so much, remember that reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcome! I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy reading 🦋💕

Michael swore that if he sees one more happy couple coming his way he was going to break something, a thing that was easier said than done, considering that he was at the wedding reception of his best friend and he would probably have to pay for it afterwards.

He watched bitterly as the couples slowly danced a few feet in front of him, swaying along to some love song he’s never heard of. In the middle of the crowd he could easily spot Luke and his partner, holding each other tightly as they dance like there’s nobody else in the room, this was their moment, the beginning of a new chapter in their lives and Michael was happy for them. But he couldn’t deny that hint of jealousy that tugged on his heart.

Falling in love was not a top priority for him. Yes, it is nice to have someone to care about and for them to care about you, but with his busy life he always felt like he didn’t have the time to actually care about that part of his life, ignoring it most of the time. Only when the RSVP to Luke’s wedding came in the mail did he realize how lonely he actually felt. A sense of longing came over him, He thought that by now he would’ve met the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. His better half, soulmate or whatever, but it seems that is just not meant to be for him. And it’s not like he hasn’t fallen in love at some point, he had a few relationships over the years, but they always ended the same way: Either a heartbreak or a song written about him.

Michael sighed deeply, bringing his glass to his lips only to find in discontent that it was already empty. He cursed through gritted teeth and slammed the glass on the table with more force than he intended to. 

“Tough night?” Asked a voice next to him. 

Michael turned his head to the side and found an old lady sitting next to him. He didn’t notice her at first, or at all to be honest. He knew, however, that she was not at the table when they first sat down, so he assumed she just made herself a place when her friends were out dancing with their partners not too far away. 

The lady seemed nice enough, very elegant for an evening wedding. She had some pearl earrings that matched her necklace, and for the looks of it, they were completely real. Her hair was pinned up with too much hairspray and her eyeshadow was very bright. She wore a nice navy dress embroidered with patches of lace that seemed out of date but she wore it in such a fashionable way that you wouldn’t even question it. 

She smiled at Michael and looked at him up and down “You are not in love with one pair of the couple, now are you blondie?” 

Michael’s mouth dropped with the lady’s remark. Part of him offended at such an assumption and the other just very impressed by the boldness of the mysterious old woman. 

“Oh, close your mouth, dear. Flies will go in there” Michael obeyed “So, are you?” 

“No!” Michael scoffed, rolling his eyes. Who was this lady? “I’m the best man, Luke’s bandmate” 

The woman hummed “Then why are you sitting here like it’s the great depression? Believe I know what that’s like, I lived through it” She said, even though she didn’t look a day over 70.

Michael sighed “Not a big fan of weddings, I guess” He stated, looking at his empty glass. 

“Is it that or you’re just not a fan of love in general?” She inquired. Michael averted his gaze on purpose, wondering why the hell was he still talking to this person?

“You know,” Said the lady after a few moments of silence “Weddings are a great place to start a story” 

“Huh?” Michael mumbled. 

“A lot of great stories came from weddings” She smiled “Plus, it is a great place to meet new single people” She said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Michael cocked an eyebrow to her in response “Anyone caught your eye?” 

He shook his head “Wasn’t really looking” 

“Ah, but that’s how you find them” She placed her hand over MIchael’s. The wrinkled, yet soft hand patted his in a kind way, and for him it was an act of comfort he didn’t know he needed “But, what could I know? I’m just an old lady in the middle of a party” Michael opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him again “Don’t you think it’s time to fill up that bad boy again?” She said, pointing to his empty glass and then the open bar. 

Michael sighed again, looked at the old lady and nodded, already getting up and making his way to the bar. 

He leaned his elbows into the bar, thoughts running through his head trying to understand what the woman just said. Was it so obvious how unhappy he was with his loneliness? or is it just a custom for old ladies to get all up in your business when you are a complete stranger to them? 

He placed his thumb and index fingers between his eyes, trying to let the frustrations go and actually enjoy the party and celebrate his best friends’ love. But, then again, it was easier said than done. 

“A whisky on the rocks, please” A voice said next to him, making him snap his head to his side. 

You were standing there, looking absolutely done with life as you ordered your drink. You had one arm resting on the bad while the other went to the back of your head, rubbing your neck as you stretched it from side to side. Tilting your head to the side you catch Michael’s stare, you glared.

“What?” You asked in a sarcastic chuckle “Think is too early for a heavy drink?” 

Michael blinked a few times, surprised by the sound of your voice directed at him “Uh, no, actually. I was just about to get the same thing” 

Michael signaled the bartender and they nodded. You sighed, relaxing a little bit more around him. 

“Fun party, isn’t it?” You asked. 

Michael scoffed “Depends on who you’re asking” He said, pointing to the couples dancing in the middle of the room. 

You laughed “Oh, seems like someone here shares my kind of humor” You turned to him, extending your hand to greet him properly “I’m Y/N.”

He shook your hand and smiled “Michael” 

“You’re Luke’s bandmate, are you?” 

“I am, and you are..?” He inquired. 

“Oh, I’m here for the other side of the wedding party. Didn’t really know Luke very well until he put a ring on my cousin’s finger” Michael chuckled and you did too “They are truly in love, aren’t they?” You said, looking at the happy couple.

The bartender placed your drinks on the bar and walked away. Michael nodded as he grabbed his glass and took a sip of the burning beverage “Only a fool would think otherwise. You should’ve seen Luke when he first got the ring. I’ve never seen him so happy before” 

You hummed “Yeah,” You took a sip of your drink and looked at Michael “What about you, rockstar?” Michael smiled into his drink at the sound of the nickname “Is there a special someone in your life?” 

Michael shook his head “Not really the best at finding love, apparently. Given that I’m the only single person in the room” He said, bitterly. 

“Well, not the only one” You said, lifting your drink so you could clinked your glass with his. You both laughed. 

The conversation between you two went smoothly as you get to know each other better. Michael was actually surprised that you indeed shared a lot of things in common besides your sense of humor and relationship status. You talked about music, video games you played, the annoyance you both shared towards certain people and even finding out that you were both the class clown that was a little too shy to become the main troublemaker in school.

You talked all night. You mentioned things about your passions and your career and Michael listened with actual interest to the whole thing, even asking some questions about it, making you smile and ramble on and on about them, and he really seemed to like the way your eyes shined whenever they met his. Michael shared with you details about what is really like living as a musician, touring and the interactions they had with fans, stating how it was amazing but at the same time very draining and consuming. 

“Guess that’s why I don’t find myself in situations where I can actually meet people and go out on dates or whatever” 

“Well, that didn’t seem like a problem to your friends over there” You said, pointing out at his bandmates “What’s holding you back?” 

Michael looked at you, suddenly aware of your close proximity. He didn’t know when it happened that your arm was so close to his that they were almost touching, but he didn’t mind one bit. 

“Maybe love is just not a fan of me, contrary at what that lady said” You looked at him quizzically and he just chuckled at your confused expression “There was this old lady who came up to me and asked me if I was afraid of love and then started to tell me about how ‘weddings are the best place to meet people and start new stories” He said, trying to imitate the lady’s voice.  

You laughed “Ah, it seems to me that you met Aunt Lydia” 

“You know her?” 

“Yes! She’s actually our great aunt, and don’t worry, she does that every time we are at a wedding.” You chuckled “She thinks that because she met her husband at a wedding that everyone would do the same” 

You laughed again and, seemingly in that instant, Michael decided he wanted to hear more of that laugh “Well, maybe she’s not wrong” He said, making you blush. He decided he liked that.

“Hey, Y/N?” He asked, suddenly very shy.

“Yes, rockstar?” 

“Wanna dance?” 

Michael extended his hand as an invitation, a dashing smile crossing his face with ease as you took it and let him guide you to the dance floor. 

The rest of the group was surprised to see Michael dancing, given that he was never one of the ‘life of the party’ kinda guy. But when they saw him smiling at you while attempting to slow dance, they just knew. 

You danced together until your feet practically begged you for some kind of break, making your way outside of the venue so you could sit on one of the few benches they had in the patio. You rested your head on Michael’s shoulder, not really saying much as you both looked at the sky. 

This was not the outcome Michael would have expected from tonight, however he didn’t find it so terrible or scary. He only met you a few hours ago, but something inside him was telling him that you needed to be part of his life. This felt right, so right even that he didn’t want to let go of you just yet. 

“I had fun” You said, breaking the silence after a while. 

“Me too” Michael said, softly grabbing your hand and starting to play with your fingers “Kinda don’t want it to end” 

You hummed, tilting your head so you could look him in the eyes “Then don’t let it end” 

Michael’s green eyes were set on yours, noses almost brushing as you came closer and closer, taking each other’s faces from this new angle. Michael’s hand rested softly on your cheek, cupping it as his eyes traveled from your lips to your gaze. 

“How will I know that this is not a dream and you will not disappear when I open my eyes?” He said in a hushed tone, forehead resting against yours. 

“Kiss me and you’ll find out” You whispered back. Holding your breath as he brought you into a kiss. 

Everything felt just right. 

*****************************************************

The quiet boy stared at the happy couples with jealousy. Weddings were never his thing but he couldn’t miss his sister’s wedding, even if he wanted to. 

He sighed deeply into his drink as he thought love was playing him a cruel joke, him being the only single person within a five mile ratio. 

“What’s with the face, Robert?” Asked a voice behind him. 

“Oh, hey uncle Mike” The young man said, not really knowing when his uncle came and sat next to him “Guess I’m just not in the mood” 

Michael hummed, raising his hairy eyebrows and drawing even more wrinkles in his forehead “Feeling like love is not for you then” 

Robert looked at him confused “How do you-”

“I was once young and stupid you know? Just like you,” Robert rolled his eyes “Hey, I’m trying to teach you something here, boy”

“Sorry”

“I also thought that love was not for me and I found myself in your same position, in your grandpa’s wedding feeling absolutely miserable” Michael’s eyes gleamed at the memory, a smile spreading on his face “And then I met the love of my life not even ten minutes later” 

Michael still remembers that night like it was yesterday, even though it happened around fifty years ago. He remembers what you were wearing and the jokes that made you laugh. He still knows all the words to the songs you danced since that night, never passing a chance to slow dance with you or to give you the love and appreciation that you needed. He found out what you liked the most and what you hated, slowly learning to become one team of two individuals, but to be honest, he knew he was yours the moment he kissed you that night, thanking your great aunt every passing moment of his life, especially the night where he proposed. The sound of you saying yes through a teary smile still brings him all the joy he could ever need. 

The years he had next to you were the best years of his life. He felt blessed to have been able to enjoy all those moments by your side, keeping his promise of loving you and making you happy until your last day on earth. Whenever he thought of you after the day you left, sadness does not cloud his mind like before. You were his partner, his soulmate and he will always remember how bright you were in every single aspect, your memory brought him the comfort he needed, knowing you were waiting for him and that right now you were watching over him with a grin on your face, knowing exactly what he was about to say next. 

“And, who knows? After all, weddings are a great place to start a new story”

[akira-emberheart]

songs I'd like to assign to the glee kids (part I)

Note: I'm pretty well known for making playlists and more playlists, and ever since seeing this post by @cracktastic about assigning, for the 100th episode, the least expected song to the least expected character, I've found myself craving to hear specific characters sing specific songs.

(I've also started another separate list to add on to that post I mentioned, but that will be a post for another day)

So after going through my music library, I came up with a small list of songs for each character that I would love to hear them sing, for various reasons, which i'll do my best to explain.

This got really long really fast, because I like to get into meta and over analyze - I'm also just very passionate about music. For that reason, I'll do 5 songs at a time for a specific character, and I'll be putting a read more.

Also, please be gentle with me - I've watched Glee a year ago, and it's entirely possible I may be missing or confusing scenes and storylines in my head. If I do, let me know!

If you read this and find yourself thinking of songs and scenarios as well, do share them with me! I'm working on actual Spotify Playlists as well.

So let's get into it -

for Kurt Hummel

> Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

"This is not the sound of a new man

or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me"

This is probably one of my favorite songs ever, and I first thought about it for Kurt after realising how beautiful his voice would sound in it, because of its crystal clear and poised quality. (I liked it so much I included it in a scene on my fanfic too).

If you don't know Bon Iver, or the history of this song, it's the last track in an album full of more..."depressing" songs. It's also the one that has a throughout tone of hope, of recovery after a hard ordeal, of taking some first steps to a better place.

I imagine it would be a good song for him around the time he meets Blaine - when the Karovsky situation is nearly over, and he starts looking back on his school year - Burt's heart attack, the bullying - and, now with Blaine in his life, and a renewed self confidence, he's finally able to confidently step into a better phase of his life and heal from all he went through.

I see this one being sung in a quiet moment of reflection, when he's alone. Maybe in the choir room, or even outdoors in a nice garden. In my fanfic I wrote it in a different context, in Blaine's room at night, so I guess that works in my head too.

***

> Enchanted by Taylor Swift

"I'm wonderstruck

Blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you"

I'm very fascinated with Kurt's whole storyline in S2 - things start off so rough for him, but when Blaine comes along, and when Kurt is able to grow and shift more and assuming the person he really is, things start looking up. I chose this song for what it promises, and also because I can imagine it in Kurts lower singing register and it seems like a good one for him. Also, yes, I was a kid who owned Speak Now. Sue me.

This song is about first meeting someone very special, and that happens to be the beginning of Klaine. With the almost whispered lyrics, the slowly crescent ambiance and rhythm, it really encapsulates the feeling of everything stopping when you lay eyes in that one special person, and the flooding rush of emotions that happens right after.

Kurt had no idea how much an unsuspecting visit to a rival show coir school would change his life, even less in the midst of the situation he was in. It also seems fitting for Kurt and his early relationship with Blaine because of some specific lyrics ("This is me praying now / This was the very first page / Not where the storyline ends"). Enchanted tells the story of a special first meeting, and hints at something special to come, from the perspective of someone who is awestruck for someone.

Like the one above, this one would fit in early S2, possibly in EP6, after Kurt and Blaine's meeting at Dalton Academy. When he's back home, alone in his room, daydreaming, or when he's back at McKinley in that same afternoon.

***

> Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles

"Oooh, how am I gonna get over you? I'll be alright, just not tonight But someday. Hey, I wish you'd want me to stay I'll be alright, just not tonight"

My main reason for choosing this one is because I think it fits very very well with Kurt's voice, and musical taste - its a very vibrant and poppy song, despite the more depressing theme - a post breakup promise of getting over it.

I first thought of it for S4, soon after the Breakup™, but paying close attention to the lyrics (I do tend to get stuck on just the melody sometimes), it makes more sense to place this on during the S6 Breakup - when Kurt finds out about Blaine dating Karovsky, after deciding he wants Blaine back.

So it's a hard situation for him, as we see from his breakdown in the bathroom (poor Kurt!), and he really has to come to terms with the mistakes he made (and the mistakes they both made as a couple), pick himself up, and move on.

I imagine this one being sung during an outing with Rachel, when she's trying to cheer him up and lift him up a little from his depression. My brain readily produces an image of a sunny street or a shopping mall that the two of them walk through, Kurt with some nice vivid colored clothes, finally being able to smile and ready to perhaps start moving on, or at least ready to start considering he will be okay.

***

> Killer Queen by Queen

"She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet

"Let them eat cake", she says

Just like Marie Antoinette"

This song just reminds me of Kurt. It's one of my all time favorites from Queen, and ever since watching Glee, these two are just connected in my mind. Voice wise, Kurt could definitely handle it.

It's apparently about a "high class prostitute"(? Freddie's word's, not mine), but still paints a pretty and dainty picture, and you can almost picture a porcelain faced lady in her best clothes, delicately smoking a cigarette. It also contains words that probably only Kurt can pronounce out of everyone in the glee club.

Many Queen songs were sung on Glee, but I don't think there was ever a Queen episode. For this one, I suggest a headcanon scenario, maybe during S3, when Mr. Shuester decides to have a Queen week - and Kurt isn't known for going with the obvious choices. He wants to be classy, edgy and impressive, and he sings in front of everyone, half in the choir room, half in the auditorium, perhaps with some fancy decoration and dancers behind him.

***

> The Answer by Kodaline

"You might think you found the one

Until your heart gets ripped and torn

Yeah, I used to feel bad, I used to feel like that

I still feel a bit like that"

This is another one that I picked immediately solely based on Kurt's voice - I really do like his voice with just a quiet, discrete instrumental. Looking into it further, I decided it could really work for Kurt's character.

I didn't go very deep into the intended meaning of the song, because it definitely has space for different interpretations. I choose to go with the breakup one. These lyrics here reminded me a little of the S4 breakup storyline - "We all fall down from the highest clouds / to the lowest ground" - makes me think how well Kurt's life was going once he arrived in New York, with the internship, his apartment situation with Rachel, a new and exciting place where he could freely be himself... and then he's completely blindsided by Blaine's cheating. He goes from being ecstatic and excited at Blaine's appearance, looking forward to share with him all the great things he just discovered, when Blaine's confession sends him to a well of despair, doubt and loneliness. The lyrics "You might think you found the one / until your heart gets ripped and torn" - reinforce the whole situation.

I can see him singing this not long after the breakup, on one more sleepless night, maybe walking alone through the streets of New York, or maybe in a montage of his busy daily routine, while he just gets through the day with a whole lot of emptiness weighing on his chest.