#also yes i know that the sting takes place in chicago

[rustchild]

currently jonesing hard for gritty but not gratuitously depressing queer media set in the immigrant working class milieu of 1930s new york. like if james cagney had kissed that priest in angels with dirty faces. or if paul newmann kissed that twink in the sting. for example.

[emiewritesthings]

doctor, doctor - jay halstead

jay halstead x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n takes it into her own hands to look after a sick jay 

a/n: i’m not gonna lie i think this is one of my fav things i’ve ever written, i would really appreciate some feedback and p.s the beginning of it is based on that scene from brooklyn 99 :)

masterlist

“okay, it’s 10 o’clock, meaning halstead is officially an hour late to work,” y/n announced as she appeared from the break room with a mug of poorly made coffee. looking around, she had immediately distracted everyone in the room with her playful smile. “okay let’s do this, theories!” she encouraged, taking a sip with excitement, but immediately regretting it as s he spat it back in the mug and abandoned it on adam’s desk as she leant against it.

“uh, he forgot to set his alarm?” antonio suggested, willing to play along with the little game that y/n had created. however clearly his answer didn’t suffice as y/n scrunched up her nose and shook her head in disappointment.

“you are a detective in a unit that just last week rescued 5 people kidnapped and used as chess pieces in a human sized version of the game and the best you could come up with is he forgot to set his alarm? pfft, disappointing, dawson. who’s willing to take this seriously?” she scoffed, brushing his idea off with a simple roll of the eyes as the group laughed at her ridiculousness. 

“maybe he has been murdered by a gang looking for revenge.” adam piped up, earning a sudden and rather forceful slap on the back as y/n cheered. her eyes looking over at antonio as she gestured towards the less experienced detective.

“yes, that’s what i’m talking about. bit dark, ruzek, but better than dawson’s,” y/n hummed, adam clearly pleased with the praise he had received by the pretty detective. “any one else wanna shot?” she offered it out into the room, suddenly the sound of rolling wheels on the chair had everyone turn to face al who was munching on a ham sandwich.

“he walked into the middle of a drug ring, slept with the kingpins daughter and is now having limbs removed, one by the hour.” suddenly an eery silence fell in the bullpen as al suddenly disappeared back to his desk and everyone was left with an image that she was sure was burned on the inside of everyones mind.

“uh, okay, someone might want to arrange a psych check for olinsky asap,” y/n mumbled, pointing in the direction where he had once been and looking around as if checking that she hadn’t been the only one to hear al’s suggestion. “anyways, all of you are wrong. clearly he has joined a motorbike gang and now makes his money on the road striking off names on the government’s hit list.” 

just as the room erupted into discussion about how idiotic this conversation was, as well as their ideas, the sound of footsteps caught y/n’s attention as she arrived at her desk. however as he reached the floor, the reason for his absence was clear.

“woah, you look like death.” adam chuckled, it immediately being silenced as jay sent a deadly glare his way. with his skin paler than normal with undertones of green, a layer of sweat draped over his forehead. jay flashed as smile at y/n as he passed, reaching his desk and collapsing on his chair with a wince. 

as everyone went back to what they were doing, y/n found herself straying her eyes away from her computer screen for longer and longer periods of time until she found herself by his side with a sickly sweet grin, pun intended. 

“i don’t wanna hear it, y/l/n.” jay mumbled, massaging his temples with his fingers hoping it would somehow sooth his pounding skull. whilst usually he had every minute of his day just to hear the woman chat away about whatever crossed her mind, he had found himself in quite the state since last night, leaving him restless and irritable.

“believe it or not, i just wanted to make sure you were alright,” y/n’s entire demeanour crumbled as she melted at the soft features of his face that came with being so vulnerable. but from the look in jay’s eyes, it was clear he didn’t 100% believe her excuse. “and to ask what the hell you think you are doing here? you are sick jay, you need to rest.” 

it was very rare that jay found himself ill. in the years that y/n had been working by the man’s side, she could count on one hand the times she had seen him with so much as a cough. in fact she had called him captain immune system for a period of time when she realised he was pretty much indestructible. y/n couldn’t deny the concern bubbling in her gut seeing him so weak.

“i’m fine,” with her eyes slitted in a look that practically shouted ‘bullshit’, jay continued. “i promise, it’s just a little cold. nothing serious, i think i’ll survive.” he joked dryly, finding it incredibly hard to look away from y/n for her eyes were filled with a warmth that he knew was an expression usually saved for those she cared deeply about. 

“yeah well, you need to take care of yourself, jay, i’m being serious. chicago can cope if you just have one day off, get your energy back.” 

y/n was reminded of the times she had the exact same words spoken to her by the exact person that didn’t seem to want to take them onboard. every time she had so much as a sniffle he would be straight over with some soup that his mother used to swear by and the name of a box set that he would put on for the two of them to watch as he sat stroking her hair in order to try and convince her body to rest. neither of them had anyone else to take care of them, so had taken it upon themselves to be that person for the other. 

“now, i’m gonna go tell voight that i’m taking you home before you infect this whole office.” before he could object, she had already ran (not literally but jay was impressed by her speed walking) to her boss’ office. knocking on the door, with a sweet smile and a sea of words running off her tongue so quickly that voight had to agree just to shut her up, y/n returned by his side. “come on, germ face, your carriage awaits.” 

“you know i love it when you talk dirty to me, y/l/n.” winking at her, y/n giggled as she supported him back down the stairs and out of the station. the two chatted away, y/n explaining how she thought al was secretly a sociopath and jay filing her in on the newest instalment of his apartment block drama until they pulled up in front of jay’s apartment building. 

as they walked through the door, jay’s arm resting around y/n’s shoulders as he struggled to find strength, they managed to reach the sofa before y/n’s body gave up. both of them letting out large breathes before looking at each other and falling into laughter. 

“you hungry, i could try making your mom’s soup?” y/n asked, as she pushed herself up to look down at the man. her hair falling down around her face and tickling jay’s skin. “i’m sure it won’t be as good as her’s but i’m willing to give it a try.” 

the way she was sat with the large window gleaming light behind her, y/n almost looked like an angel. her eyes and smile were wide, with her beauty wrapping its hands around jay’s neck squeezing until his head felt light and he nearly reached up to touch her porcelain skin. but jay had noticed the sensation way before he was blocked up with a cold.

“yeah, uh, that sounds nice.” jay agreed with a minimal amount of sass, but y/n didn’t seem to notice as she moved off the cushions and towards the kitchen. she had pretty much memorised the recipe when jay had finally given it to her on her birthday after offering to pay for it multiple times. whizzing around the kitchen, she was too busy to notice the tired eyes admiring her from afar. 

jay wished his mom was alive to see the woman that she would have loved. all the times he had brought girls back to his family when he was younger didn’t add up to an ounce of the beauty and power that y/n held in her middle finger. the way she bit back at his wit, but also had the ability to spot when he was upset from the other side of the city. she was everything her mother wanted in a daughter in law, everything she wanted for her little boy. 

“okay, give me your honest opinion. i can take it i promise.” y/n sudden appeared with a tray that held a large bowl of the semi-thick orange liquid, a glass of water and a couple pills. approaching jay, she carefully helped him up from where he laid and placed it onto his lap. “actually that was a complete lie, do not tell me the truth. i may just cry.” 

“why thank you, nurse y/l/n.” he teased.

“it’s doctor actually.” she quipped back.

jay chuckled lowly, as he grabbed the spoon and took a large spoonful to his mouth. feeling the slight sting of his tongue at the heat, it was only when the flavours hit that he was suddenly transported to an earlier time in his life. a simpler time. only this time there was y/n by his side. 

“the verdict?” she prompted, taking a seat besides him, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

“not sure whether i want to tell you, don’t think you’ll fit in this room if your ego grows any bigger.” y/n grinned as she leaned over to press a kiss against his shoulder. jay closed his eyes at the contact, feeling the ache in his body freeze for a moment as it registered the tingling sensation. “all jokes aside, it really is good.” 

“i’m glad, your mother was a smart woman.” she nodded, leaning forward to turn tv on. jay continued to spoon the soup into his mouth, as y/n chose a show that they both had started together and had refused to watch another minute without the other. y/n leaned back making herself comfortable, having already texted voight telling him that she would most likely need the entire day off, and getting the go ahead, she had no plans other than being by jay’s side for the next however many hours. 

it was sometime in the early evening and the tv continued to emit light, but neither jay nor y/n was paying any attention to the drama. jay, with his head on y/n lap, was leaning into her touch as her short, thin fingers ran through the dark strands that sprouted from his scalp. his body wrapped in a blanket that y/n had grabbed from his room, he felt completely at peace. 

“you know what, i think you are more bearable when you are at death’s door.” y/n joked quietly, as the forest green eyes were exposed back to her own. jay groaned in annoyance, realising that there was no sweet y/n without the sharped tongue y/n. a trait he adored, but at his own expense. 

“and to think i was starting to think you had gone soft on me, y/l/n.” he hummed, wishing he could forever have her giggle on repeat wherever he went, for the sound made goosebumps run down his neck and down his arms, like some kind of magic that only y/n possessed. 

“as much as i love you, i can’t risk my bad ass reputation for you.” 

although jay was sure it was just part of her banter, the moment the ‘i love you’ fell off her tongue, he found himself wide awake, unable to push past the feeling in his gut as it looped over again and again in his mind. y/n could see the conflict in his face, as he glanced up at her with something she had never noticed before. 

“you mean it?” he asked. 

“mean what?” confused, her fingers fell from his hair, making jay regret ever opening his mouth.

“do you really, you know, love me?” he knew he had committed too far to try and retreat. maybe he could blame it on the fact he couldn’t think straight, although she was like a lie detector that wouldn’t let such a bogus excuse pass. y/n blinked down at him, watching as he sat up to look at her with a hunger that needed to be addressed. swallowing the lump in her throat, y/n nodded.

“of course, you are one of my best friends, jay.” it was true, but it wasn’t the full truth, both of them knew that.

“i didn’t realise we had started lying to one another,” jay’s eyes were soft, as he reached to place his hand against her cheek, smiling as she slowly leaned into it. closing her eyes, she tried to find what direction she was looking for, but didn’t dare take the first step. without even thinking, jay jutted forward and captured her lips before they could form a single syllable. 

gently, but passionately, jay and y/n moved their lips against the others. the feeling was ever-growing as the kiss deepened and deepened until they had no choice to pull back, deprived of their ability to breath. as jay’s eyes came back into view, y/n, for the first time in her life, had lost the ability to form a sentence. 

“we just...” she began but it ran off quickly. jay chuckled.

“we did.”

the two sat in silence, examining the other one’s face until y/n found herself moving forward until she was sat in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist as she pressed her lips against his. just like before their bodies and minds were set ablaze with desire and what had remained unspoken for what felt like forever. jay had nearly completely forgotten about the illness that had put him in the care of the woman that he craved more than anything else the world had to offer. 

as their lips parted ways, suddenly the air had thinned and everything felt... normal. jay’s lips were unable to break out of the large grin mould that y/n had put them in, which was soon mirrored by the young woman. a small giggle escaping her lips.

“if i get whatever it is you have, i expect the exact same treatment.” 

“only for you, doctor y/l/n.”

[fangirlshrewt97]

Epiphanies and a Roof Over Their Heads

Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Pairing: Nile Freeman & Nicolo di Genova

Read on AO3

                                                           ///

Nicky hummed as he sipped his hot chocolate, the warmth seeping into his bones, making him melt further into the armchair. A crash of thunder startled him upright, eyes blinking at the subsequent flash of lightning. Sighing, Nicky shifted until he was once again comfortably reclining in the arm chair, one foot on the broad window sill. Closing his eyes again, Nicky allowed his other senses to take over. The taste of warm chocolate still stinging his tongue, the faint strums of music from the spare bedroom Nile had converted into a temporary studio, the plushness of the armchair molding to his body. The nearly overwhelming scent of petrichor and wet trees wafting in from the open window.

They had arrived at the safehouse in Indonesia a few days before, and were waiting for the rest of the team to join them. Andy and Quynh had said they would stop by Vietnam, so it would likely be a week before they showed up. Joe and Booker had said they were en route and would try to be there in a couple days. Given that it was monsoon season, and a cyclone had been spotted, Nicky thought they would probably arrive with Andy and Quynh.

Lifting his other leg to cross his ankles on the window sill, Nicky sipped away at the drink in his hand, just enjoying the rain pouring outside their house, enveloping them in this phantom bubble of isolation from the rest of the world. He had always found peace in the rain, felt like the water washed away all the troubles of the world, at least temporarily. If, of course, they were not forced to trek through treacherous jungles or muddy hills during the downpour.

After some time he heard the faint music cut off, a door opening softly. He took another sip of drink. He tilted his head in Nile’s direction when she finally peaked over the head of the large chair, smiling softly at her sheepish expression.

“Sorry,” she said, “I wasn’t sure if you had fallen asleep.”

“It’s ok sorellina. I was not sleeping.”

Nile came around the armchair, an eyebrow raised as she saw him sprawled comfortably in his perch. “So, what are you doing?”

“Watching the rain.” Nicky replied, one corner of his lips raising in a faint smirk, as Nile let out annoyed groan.

“I thought we said no more dad jokes Nicky!” Nile said petulantly.

Nicky chuckled. “Si, Si, sorry. Would you like some hot chocolate?”

At that Nile brightened. “Yes!”

“There is some in the kitchen, pour yourself some and come join me.” Nicky said, gesturing in the direction of the other armchair.

Nile nodded before disappearing from sight.

Nicky took another sip of the hot chocolate, letting it rest on his tongue for a moment, until the sweetness became too much, and swallowed. Nile was humming happily as she made her way over to him, one hand clutching a mug, the other maneuvering the armchair beside Nicky’s. Nicky placed his mug on the windowsill before helping Nile with the chair. Once she was comfortably settled, he retook his position. Nile opted to curl up in her chair, letting out a small groan of satisfaction as she first tasted the chocolate.

“Swear to god Nicky, I have no idea how you do it, but you make the best stuff.” Nile said, voice slightly fair away.

Nicky beamed at her, a different warmth blossoming in his chest as his dear friend enjoyed one of his creations. “Grazie Nile, we got lucky I still had some of the chocolate I had bought in Belgium. I was planning on making hot chocolate for all of us, but then the call came in.”

“And it’s difficult to make hot chocolate when you are sneaking around the warehouse district of Nice?” Nile asked wryly.

Nicky winked at her, making her snort. Nile leaned her head against the side of the armchair. “You know, I think out of all the different weathers, rain is the strangest to me?”

Nicky tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“We have all kinds of weather in Chicago, but we don’t get that much rain. And then Afghanistan, I mean. It’s Afghanistan, I got used to the heat. But rain like this?” Nile gestured at the window, where the rain was still falling in such strength they could barely see their compound’s wall. “I’ve never really seen it before.”

Nicky made a noise of agreement. “Genoa got a lot of rain. I always liked the rainy days best.”

“Yeah?” Nile asked, that curious wonder still in her voice. She still relished any opportunity to hear about their early years. None of the team had a problem indulging her.

“Si. I always found it very peaceful.”

As if to contradict him, a flash of lightning whited out the world before a rumble of thunder roared overhead.

“Yes, very peaceful.” Nile mumbled into her cup.

“Of course that rain was not quite like this. We had our bad storms, I remember the fishermen were always tense when they expected bad weather.  But for me rain offered me a kind of escape.”

“Escape how?”

Nicky shrugged, taking another sip as he sorted out the words in his head. “Escape like freedom. Like there was no one else except me when it was raining. Rain meant mud and extra chores, laundry that took twice as long to dry. But it also left the earth smelling of life, the flowers seemed to blossom brighter in the aftermath.”

“I can see that.” Nile said after a minute. “So. Did you ever have a epic romantic kiss in the rain?”

Nicky choked slightly on his drink as Nile giggled next to him. “Epic kiss?”

“Yeah, you know how in the movies, one of the romantic scenes is if the two people find each other after having had a fight or something, and then share this huge  kiss while like the music swells around them?”

Nicky chuckled as he shook his head. “I can’t recall anything quite like that.”

Nile pouted at him, making him snort.

“There was one instance though…” he trailed, enjoying how Nile scooted forward in her chair. Nicky closed his eyes, trying to bring the memory to the forefront.

“I must have been around 100, 110? Joe and I had only recently met up with Andy and Quynh, and had been travelling through Europe when Quynh said she wanted to introduce us to her homeland. So, we headed towards Vietnam. It was my first time so far East, and the sights felt like a different world. I had read and heard the stories from the three of them, but nothing quite compares to seeing the lands in person. We got stuck near Bangladesh? Or maybe Assam?

Anyways, we had to stop because the monsoon season hit, and both Andy and Quynh insisted the trip would be more enjoyable when we weren’t soaked to the bone. We found an abandoned house to camp out in for the season, and went about getting it ready. But still, nothing could have prepared me for the ways the skies opened, the way all the water in heaven seemed to fall out at once.”

“Must have been quite the sight.” Nile said softly.

Nicky nodded. “I don’t have the words to describe it. I used to stand by the door for a long time, just watching how the rain seemed to literally fall to the earth, crashing against the soft ground. Finally, maybe three or four days later? I decided I wanted to feel the rain.”

“Feel? Like walk in the rain?”

Nicky nodded once. “I had done it sometimes in Genoa, when I was a little boy. Stood alone in the rain, felt the water wash over me. It left me clean, like it didn’t just wash over my body, but my soul itself. I hadn’t done it in years, but the urge was so strong. When I saw the clouds darken, I stepped out of the house, walking just a few feet away.”

Nicky opened his eyes, training them on Nile, who was staring at him with an intense focus. She made a noise, encouraging him to continue.

“Standing under that monsoon rain. If the Genoan rain seemed to wash my soul, this one seemed to remake me. Each drop hurt as it fell on me, but it felt…like a benediction. I had caused so much death I could still see the blood on my hands. I had finally accepted I loved Joe, and was beginning to accept he mattered more to me than my faith’s claim that loving him was signing my soul for an eternity of damnation. But standing in that rain. None of that mattered. The world didn’t matter. I didn’t matter. And it was ok.

I’m not sure how long I was there, I had fallen to me knees at some point. I was brought back to myself when Joe touched me though. He was shouting something, I couldn’t hear what, but I remember the look in his eyes. I think he thought I had finally lost my mind. I just started laughing, harder than I ever had. It didn’t help ease his concern, but the rain, it had washed me of all the guilt I had been carrying. I pulled him down with me and kissed him. It felt like I was doing it in front of God. It felt like He was telling me it was ok. That I was allowed to live, allowed to love this perfect man I did not feel I deserved but would fight the world to keep by my side.”

The only noise in the room for some minutes after Nicky finished his story was the drumming of the rain.

“Wow.” Nile said finally.

Nicky huffed. “Does that qualify?”

Nile nodded, laughing brightly. “Definitely. Although, for most of the characters the epiphany comes before or after the kiss, not during.”

Nicky shrugged. “Maybe that’s because you can’t see the character’s thoughts as they are kissing.”

Nile nodded her head. “Fair enough.”

Nicky tilted his empty mug towards her. “Care for a refill?”

Nile nodded, getting up and taking his mug. “I’ll fill yours, you look far to cozy to disturb.”

Nicky grinned. “Thank you Nile.”

Nile returned with two full mugs. Nicky grabbed his own, only to pause when Nile held out her own. “To epiphanies in the rain.”

Nicky laughed. “And what epiphany have you had?”

“That I do not want to be a poor sap who has to walk in these conditions. Ever.” Nile said firmly, bobbing her head.

Nicky laughed harder, his mug shaking slightly. “To epiphanies and a roof over our head.”

Nile beamed. “To epiphanies and a roof over our head.”

After they toasted their mugs, they each took a long drink, letting out identical sighs of satisfaction. Giggling, Nile waved her mug. “Thanks for the story Nicky, between that, my art, and this wonderful hot chocolate, I am ready for a nap, and Mother Nature has a great soundtrack on. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sogno di oro, habibti.” Nicky told her as Nile walked away.

Once she was out of sight, Nicky lifted both his feet onto the windowsill, and leaned back on the armchair. Setting the empty mug on the floor, he carefully spread the blanket he had curled beneath his back over his legs. A nap sounded quite nice indeed. And if he could not fall asleep next to Joe, at least he would fall asleep to the sound of rain.

[reminiscing-writer]

Let Him Talk

-

Mostly a way for me to project my feelings of how much I hate when the BAU team dismisses our boy Spence every time he starts to ramble.

Let the man speakkkk

-

Spencer Reid rambled. A lot. It didn't take long after joining the BAU for you to figure this little fact out.

The first time you witnessed this, was when Emily had asked him what he was doing for Halloween. Her question was followed by a long and detailed history of the fellow Doctors favorite holiday. His answer was followed by an eye roll from her.

After that, you and all your colleagues were seated on the jet. This was around the time when JJ was on her maternity leave, and Agent Seaver was conversing with Spencer. You heard her mumble a quick 'Sorry I asked'.

You knew the team never meant any harm by their dismissals, but you also knew it must sting Spencer. After all, you knew first hand what it was like to have your feelings swept under the rug. Slowly, you had started to indicate to Spence you were listening to his rambles. A small nod, a tiny smile.

Now, you and the team were all brainstorming ideas in the local Chicago police department. 4 female bodies in the past month. All of the women were bartenders from the same club. All seemingly poisoned.

You inhaled a sharp breath and pinched the bridge of your nose.

"I think I got it!" Dr. Reid came bursting into the room, grabbing everyone's attention.

Slowly all of the team members followed him back to the room he was working on. Papers and books were scattered all over the floor. (After all, he always said he worked best on the ground.)

His hands got into the weird crab position before the words even left his lips. "The most common date rape drugs- also called club drugs- are flunitrazepam, gamma hydroxybutyric acid, and ketamine. These drugs may come as pills, liquids, or powders. The very few witnesses we do have, all said the same thing. Our vic's were all employees, and as the night went on, they all started to speak with slurred speech, and had a clouded look glaze their eyes. Now, we already now that those are symptoms, or rather, side effects of these 'date rape drugs'," he uses his fingers to air quote, "but-," his explanation continues, when Hotch shoots me a look with raised eyebrows.

The team knew you were all-ears when it came to the Doctors rambles, but even you could see that you were all short on time.

"Spence," you cut him short. You walked closer to him, holding strong eye contact, "The point." He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What is it that you figured out?" You clearified.

"Oh," he blinked, "um- right. The girls mustve been roofied with the standard Rohypnol. Obviously, they wouldn't be allowed to drink on the job. But, they were bartenders, and they would need to drink something. Assuming they have their own water bottles, that's our best bet."

As soon as the Boy Genius stopped speaking, the team quickly rustled out of their seats. Hotch barked orders for Morgan and Rossi to follow him to the workplace of the victims, while Emily and JJ were told to go to the coronors office. You and Spence were instructed to head over to the evidence lockers and look for the girls water bottles.

You jumped to your feet, and before you turned away from Spencer, you quickly stepped closer to him. "Sorry, for cutting you off earlier." You apologized softly.

He shrugged with a half smile, "I'm used to it." He adjusted his satchels strap on his shoulder.

You playfully nudged him with your elbow, smiling, "You can finish your ramble on the plane." His eyes seemingly softened, "Promise." You jokingly blew him an air kiss.

-

He was right. As he always was.

The owner of the bar was drugging the girls water bottles. Not a big enough dose to affect them right away, but enough so that it took them out slowly throughout the day. After their shifts ended, he would play Knight-in-Shining-Armor, and offer them a 'ride home'.

Luckily, Morgan had got a confession out of the bastard before they even got him back to the Police Station. Turns out, he was a bigger wuss than you all thought.

Wrapping up the case was followed by all of team piling back into the tiny jet which brough you guys to Illinois. Emily and Rossi were laughing over a silly game of chess. Hotch was on the phone with Jack, same as how JJ was on FaceTime call with her boys.

You were wrapped up reading a book, seated next to Spence.

He had an eidetic memory. You, however, did not. So, you seemingly forgot about something that was bugging him. Frankly, you barely noticed how the fellow Doctor kept peeping over to you with shy eyes.

He cleared his throat, softly calling you by your nickname, then quickly apologizing for interrupting your reading.

You look over to him, putting an index finger where your reading had paused, "It's alright," you smiled nodding him to go on with his question.

"It's just," he scratched the back of his neck, "you had said that you were interested in listening to the rest of what I had to say about the drugs earlier," he spoke quickly and unsurly, "and if you really were up for it," he seemed to trail himself off.

Your brain clicked at the previous 'promise' you had given him, "Yes! Spence, you gotta remind me, I forgot." You laughed, pulling your legs up onto the seat, and turning your body towards him, "Educate me." You closed the book you were reading, and stuffed it into the back of the seat in front of you.

"Okay," Reid seemed unsure for a split second. All of his confidence slowly found place in his words, as he saw that you were truly interested in his facts. How your eyes lit up at his sentences, and how you would follow his hands actions.

You were fascinated by the man before you.

Why wouldn't you be. Can you imagine having a friend who knows so much? How would you not be endlessly fascinated and enamored? He’s so cute and brave and brilliant and these people do not give him the respect and credit he deserves.

-

-

The last italic part ⬆️ is literally a copy and paste from an OG post of @x-maegana-x

Their post is what honestly really inspired me to write this piece. So hey. Huge credit to them 👌🏻

[gallavictorious]

Fic: Foreign Country

For fuck’s sake... So I got an ask in response to this comment, wherein the lovely nonnie suggested that Ian and Mickey’s reaction to the Kash and Grab would be a reverse sort of situation, with that place holding very happy memories in spite of being a site of trauma (because Kash shot Mickey there). I’m paraphrasing here, obviously... And I spent over a week trying to write the fic that this ask (unintentionally) inspired and now when I posted it Tumblr was messing with the ‘Read more’ so I, stupid and/or tired bastard that I am, deleted the thing to repost it but of course that means the ask is gone aaaaand yeah. I AM SO SORRY NONNIE! :( Hope this one finds you all the same.

Anyway, here’s my resonse:

Ah, yes. Yes! Nonnie, I applaud your dedication to sparking joy and thank you for sharing this delightful reflection! <3 And, uh, it got me thinking about the Kash and Grab and its role as the site of so much that went down with Ian and Mickey in the early years, and yeah, now there’s a ficlet. It involves a trip down memory lane, some angst, some fluff, and a rather startling number of I love you:s. It’s also the reason why it took me so damned long to get back to you… Sorry about that!

Did you ask me to write this? No. Does it stay completely true to your observation rather than carelessly running with it? Also no, but with slightly more regret.  

---

Never returning had not been a conscious choice. Neither was going back.

---

Chicago, on a Thursday afternoon in early October, and the air is unusually crisp when Ian steps out from the ambulance station. He's been working the early shift and now he pauses on the sidewalk and turns his face towards the sun, considering. No one's expecting him for another few hours, and it's a fine day: maybe he needn't rush home. Maybe he could walk for a bit.

It's an idea. He's feeling restless, though not the sort of restless that heralds the on-set of a manic episode (or so he thinks, but he makes a mental note to keep an eye out for other signs, and maybe mention it to Mickey). But yeah. He could walk for a bit, then maybe find a station for the L when he tires.

So he walks. Walks and walks and doesn’t tire, and eventually he finds himself on a familiar street and outside a familiar store and he realizes with a start that he hasn't been here in years. Hadn't even known the store was still open, but the sign on the door proudly proclaims it so, and above it the name remains the same, white letters on red: Kash and Grab.

Huh. Without making a conscious decision to, he's stopped walking and is just standing there, staring at the store. The sight of it brings a strange jumble of emotions, and the quietly jarring mingle of familiarty and distance that comes from returning to a place where once you did belong, but belong no longer.

The last time he stood here was the day before he ran off to join the Army, leaving Linda with nothing more than a short message on her phone. That’s more than what his family got, so he hopes she wasn’t too upset. He never asked; never came back; never really thought back – until now.

He hesitates for a moment, then walks up to the door and steps inside. He’s running low on smokes anyway.

It's the smell that hits him first. It hasn't changed, and brings him back to the days when it would cling to his clothes and follow him home, a not unpleasant but distinctive whiff of frozen food and sweet spices.

The interior hasn't changed much either. There’s a kid behind the counter that looks to be in his early teens, and Ian wonders if it’s one of Kash’s sons, if Linda's still running the store. He could ask, but who knows what Linda's told her kids about the teenager who fucked their closeted father before he ran off?

He glances at the boy again – and yeah, he could be Kash's, there's something about the eyes and the chin – and wonders if he ever looked that young when he manned the register. Wonders if that's what he looked like to Mickey, when he'd come into the store to just take whatever the hell he wanted, wether it was chips or, later, Ian's fucking breath away.

Ian Gallagher. You messed with the wrong girl.

And just like that, it's like no time's passed, and he's 15 and 16 and 17 again; he's doing it with Kash and he thinks he loves him; he excels at ROTC and dreams of Westpoint; his mother is alive and he doesn��t yet know that Frank isn’t his father at all – it hardly matters anyhow, because Fiona is there, as she has always been there, as he still thinks she will always be.

She got out and good for her. If she'd stayed here, she'd never been free of her role as sister-mother – never free to be Fiona. And as for him... he'd mourned the army dream when it died, but knows now that it was an uninformed dream, one he would not have cared to live even if  given the opportunity.

Glancing at the counter where he used to open his trigonomy textbook he feels no regret, though perhaps a twinge of sadness for the loss of that optimistic, determined kid, who had not had an easy life by any means, but who had yet to take any real blows, any blows that truly mattered. Those had come later (had come in this very store, some of them) and standing here, where he'd spent so much time as a child and none as a man, he feels something of that kid returning. Remembers the weight of the hundreth can put on a shelf; feels the ghost of a (too) easy smile on his lips; sees himself as he moves between the backroom and counter and fridge.

And everywhere he looks, there is Mickey. Mickey, in a dirty coat or a security west, angry and rough and funny and sometimes with the briefest flash of something softer, sweeter. He is stealing and scaring of thieving kids and restocking the shelves and plotting to murder Frank and moaning as Ian pushes into him.

He is on the floor, too, cursing Kash but otherwise strangely unaffected by having been shot. Ian thinks he might have been more scared and upset than Mickey. It strikes him now as a moment of innocence lost; your lover shot by a jealous ex, a real gun and real blood and what if Kash had had better aim? This was a thing that happened in the world, and if that could happen – anything could.

It strikes him, too, as a turning point: Mickey going away could easily have spelled the end of their intense but brief affair. For all they knew each other's bodies they hadn't really know each other back then, and while Ian had been crushing hard he had not yet loved Mickey. Perhaps they might both have moved on, found other lives and loves. Perhaps that had still been possible, then.

Or perhaps not. It was the first time they were separated and the first time they found their way back to one another, but not the last. It's a dance of coming together and coming apart and coming together, again and again, and they've traced its steps for close to a decade, never once stopping, not truly.

Because even in the absences, Mickey had been, is; there, always, in the stretches of time when he was locked up in juvie; in the eager hours of wating for him to show up at the store; in the exact distance between them at any given time.

Ian can still feel the jolt, like a punch to his gut, like electricity, of looking up from stacking oranges and finding blue eyes staring straight into his.

He remembers the last time they were in here together, when him and his siblings had been taken away by the CPS and Mickey invited him to crash at his place. He remembers his giddy delight at the question, his excitement at the realization that Mickey wanted to spend time with him. He had been so nervous, and looking back, knowing what he now knows, he thinks that Mickey might have been fucking terrified, but there'd been such ease to that evening and night; such familiarty and tenderness. And oh, the sex had been fantastic.

He tries to remember only this, not what came after with the morning light and a door suddenly slammed open –

Mickey had never returned to the store after that, and a few months later Ian had left for the army. Not really for the army, though; what he'd been moving towards had not been nearly as important as what he was moving away from.

Stings, still, that memory; but less than it once did, and as he strolls down the aisles, noting where the pickled cucumber jars have been replaced with tins of tuna and where the small bottles of cheap olive oil still remain, he is surprised to find himself... okay. For a long time, so much of his past had been a painful, tangled thing he did his best to forget, and even after he made his peace with it, he made a point of looking forward rather than back. Now he thinks that maybe, if you're happy with where you ended up, the hardships of the road which led you there are easier to bear.

Doesn't make everything that happened right; just... yeah. Easier to bear.

He buys a pack of cigarettes. The kid behind the counter is eyeing him suspiciously, but Ian thinks that has more to do with him walking around the store and staring at random things rather than with the boy recognizing him from some lurid tale of Linda's. Ian almost asks him to say hello to her from him, but nah. Let old dogs lie.

Outside, twilight is coming on, and there's a slight chill to the air now that the sun is sinking. Ian lights a cigarette and sucks the smoke deep into his lungs. This, too, is familiar, and for a moment he feels unthethered, unsure of when he is, who he is.

Without really thinking about it, he picks up his phone. Mickey's still working but can't be too busy because he answers on the second signal: “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ian says, and then he doesn't say anything else for long enough that Mickey asks him if he fucking wanted something or he's just being a creepy ass phone stalker.

It makes Ian smile. Grounds him. “I love you,” he says.

A beat. “You called me at fucking work to tell me that?” And Ian knows that the gruff disbelief is partially an attempt to cover Mickey's surprised delight at the proclamation.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he says. Waits for a moment, but Mickey is silent. “You gonna say it back?”

“You fucking serious?”

“Kinda need to hear it.” Because he gets to say that; gets to ask for that. They're not kids not anymore and they don't need to hide. They’re fucking married.

That is real. That is now.

“Jesus Christ, Ian.” But then Mickey, as Ian knew he would, relents. “I love you,” he says, and Ian doesn't know if he's already alone or if he just doesn't care who overhears him, because he doesn't lower his voice or take the time to move somewhere more private.

A brief silence as neither of them speak, but simply rest in the warmth of the words, the truth of them.

Then: “Are you okay?” There's a trace of real worry in Mickey's voice now, and there's a part of Ian's that immediately annoyed because he hates that people worry about him so easily – but a larger part of him has made his peace with it; knows and accepts the reason for it; loves that Mickey loves him enough to worry.

So he offers a brief smile, even though Mickey cannot see it. Hopes it translates into his voice.  “Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, I promise, it's just... I'll tell you when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.” And maybe Mickey isn't convinced but he takes Ian's word for it. Trust. That's another thing they've been doing better with. “I'll see you in maybe an hour then? I get off at five.”

”Yeah, I'll see you then.” And, because he can, because it's true: ”I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you fucking said that already.” A brief pause, then quietly: “I love you, too.”

They hang up. Throwing one last look at Kash and Grab before he walks off, Ian is pleased to realize that he feels nothing but a vague sense of affection for the place. Some things withered and was left here, sure, youthful dreams and ambitions and most of his naivite – but the best thing about it he kept, and Ian will see him soon and hold him soon, and this time he will neither leave nor let him go. Their new dance will move to a different beat.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 10

A/N: Thank you for your patience. There is no smut this chapter. That will be the next Before chapter. I liked ending it on a cute note between Addy and Monty. Feedback is appreciated. 

Keeping my relationship with Montgomery was easier and more thrilling than I expected it to be. There were stolen kisses in alcoves, a seemingly endless string of text messages, dates disguised as studying, and a few more sleepovers than anticipated. My friends and family had yet to pick up on anything and we were going on a month and a half of dating. I wonder how long we can keep this up. Surely it won’t be much longer.

An unseasonably chilly Monday morning in early November, I woke up before my alarm and snuggled under the covers. I had just fallen asleep again when my alarm went off. Groaning, I sat up and crawled out of bed. I breezed through my morning routine and threw on a black knitted sweater with a pair of dark wash ripped jeans. I grabbed a t-shirt to throw in my bag in case it got hot without looking. My hair was thrown up into a messy, yet styled bun and my current daily makeup was applied.

My parents were enjoying their morning coffees at the island when I came downstairs. Noticing me, my mom sat up straighter and dad cleared his throat. Uh oh. “Morning.” I greeted, timidly.

“Morning sweetie.”

“Morning.”

“What’s going on?”

“Your father and I were just talking about this weekend.”

“Alright? Why did you clam up as soon as I walked into the room?”

“You know I have that conference in Chicago this weekend.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s been on the calendar for months. What’s the big deal?” I asked, as I made my way around the kitchen getting my breakfast ready.

“I found out this morning that Dave has a family thing this weekend, so I have to go to Scottsdale in his place.” “Okay. You’ll both be out of town at the same time. What’s the big deal?”

“No need for tone Addison.” My dad scolded. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“It’s not a big deal at all Addy. It is just short notice is all.” Mom added.

“The usual rules apply, you know. No crazy parties. Only Justin is allowed over and he sleeps in the guestroom.”

“I assumed.” I nodded and looked at the clock on the wall. Finishing the last of my breakfast, I gathered my books, threw the shirt in my bag, and grabbed my car keys. “I’ll be home later than usual. I have an assignment to work on after school.”

“We will leave some dinner out for you. Have a good day at school.”

“Mhmm. Of course you will.” Dad muttered, checking his phone for the probably millionth time since he got up.

When I got to school, there was a strange buzz in the air. People were whispering amongst themselves. That in and of itself wasn’t out of the ordinary, but the way they died down when certain people-mainly girls-passed, was a dead giveaway. Nothing changed when I walked past which was fine by me. “Before you say anything, it wasn’t me.” Justin said as he slid next to me at my locker. I sighed.

“What wasn’t you?” I grumbled. I was still annoyed with him for the photo of Hannah that got sent around.

“The list.” He stated, shrugging, as though I would know what that meant. “And I know you’re still mad at me but Addy please. You know I wouldn’t send something like that around. You know how Bryce is.”

“I know. But you also didn’t do anything to stop it. What list?”

“I said I was sorry.”

I sighed heavily. “If I decide to let it go, will you tell me what the hell you are talking about?”

“Yes.” He nodded eagerly.

“Fine. I forgive you or let it go or whatever. Now what?”

“There’s this list going around. You aren’t on it but it like… rates girls.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yeah, why the tone of surprise? We go to Liberty High.”

I shrugged, knowing he wasn’t entirely wrong. “I’m not. It doesn’t make it okay though. Do you know who made it?”

“Rumour has it, it was Standall.” I shook my head in disbelief and closed my locker. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I smiled slightly, even though I was still horrified at the situation.

As stupid as the list is you’d still top mine.

That list is deplorable Montgomery.

Deplorable, huh? New vocab words?.

Yeah. I gotta head to class. Text you during break.

Sure thing. Everything okay?

Yeah. I’m just tired, no worries.

I locked my phone as we passed Justin’s friends, all clearly pouring over the list. I tried to ignore the slight sting in my chest as I heard Monty join in. I knew he had to play along to keep up appearances with his friends, but it still sucked having to listen to the bragging and hoopla of the group. I must have sighed aloud or something because Justin stopped me a few feet away.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah. It was just a long weekend is all.”

“Did you want to cut and talk? I know you aren’t thrilled with me or anything right now, but I’m still your best friend.”

I paused, thinking for a moment, before nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

We walked to a side exit and made it seem as though we were getting a forgotten book from my car.

After we checked that the coast was clear, I drove to Monet’s for a to go order and continued to our spot by the hiking trails overlooking town.

I took a long sip of my latte and stared out at the skyline. “Dad just frustrates me sometimes.” I stated.

“I know.”

“It’s like I’m only worth paying attention to when he needs something. Any other time, I doubt he would even know if I was there or not. Or if he wants to share his opinion on one of my life choices.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“No. Yes. I guess?” I shrugged. “This weekend mom and I were talking about college and what I would be interested in doing, nothing serious, just talking. And all of the sudden, dad comes in from his office and is all ‘that’s a waste of a degree’ and all this other crap. She tried to get him to let it go but he just wouldn’t hear it. Eventually she gave up to go work on her paper and he just went on and on. I know that it’s not what he imagined for me, but it’s what I want. And its not like we were being super serious about anything. I have time to change my mind still.”

“Well what were you guys saying?” “We were talking about what courses I could take that would be general enough to use for any major should I choose to switch and what courses would be a waste of time. I have two years to decide this stuff Justin. We were just talking and having girl time.”

“Of course he had an issue with that.” He muttered. “What happened after Margot left?”

“I was tired of him yelling at me and so I snapped. I called him out on his bull and told him it was all hypothetical at this point anyway so what does it even matter? He didn’t think it was appropriate to take that kind of tone with him. I told him where he could shove it and slammed my door on him. I ended up staying in my room all day yesterday.”

“Wow. He really needs to… I don’t know what. But whatever it is, he needs to do it.”

“Tell me about it. And then this morning, I found out that they’re both going away on business this weekend because Dave can’t make it, and he was acting like I was going to throw a ragger or something. You know, when he bothered to look up from his phone and acknowledge my existence.”

Justin shook his head. “I’m sorry Addy. It’s not like he would know if I came over and slept in your room though. Keep you company.”

I mulled it over for a while I was going to see if Montgomery wanted to come over. “Nah, I think I’ll be alright. It’s only a couple of days.” I checked my watch and noticed that first period was almost over. “We should get going, I have an assignment due next period.” Justin nodded and we silently gathered our things.

“I really am sorry about what happened with the photos.” Justin finally said as we walked back into school.

“I’m not the one you need to tell that to. But telling her is a decision that is in your hands.”

“I know. It’s just high school though. Not like anything serious will come of it.” He said, brushing the whole ordeal off. I shrugged, not really having an opinion. The bell rang and it just so happened that we were near one of Jessica Davis’ classes. I caught Justin’s eyes wandering her body and I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t even say it, you creep.” I joked, immediately knowing what he was thinking.

“What? I wasn’t going to say anything.” He shrugged, giving me that puppy dog look that he is convinced absolves him of all his sins. I shook my head and shoved him playfully. Before I could say anything else, I heard my name being called from up the hall.

Turning, I saw Jeff waving me over. “Addison. Hey, come over here for a minute. We need a girl’s perspective on something, and Leah is busy.” Perplexed, I turned Justin, who shrugged at me. I sighed as we made our way over to the small group of boys, gathered around Jeff’s locker. I nodded politely at Garrison and turned my attention to Jeff. “Yes Jeff?”

“My less… experienced friends here, seem to think that the list going around is just a joke. Something to be laughed at.”

Of course, this is about the damn list. Fucking Standall. I made brief eye contact with Monty and he raised his brow slightly. He looked intrigued. “Right. Well I can assure you that as a woman, if someone I was interested in or seeing, thought it was funny or meaningless, there would be much more talking and consideration on my part before any more… experience… were to occur.” I explained, choosing my words carefully. I watched discreetly as my words sank in and Monty’s face pinched ever so slightly.

“See? What did I tell you? Girls care about these things. Now why don’t you all run along and try to be decent human beings for another hour until lunch.” Jeff laughed.

“Ugh. I need to run. Don’t want my English assignment to be late. Later Justin. See you Jeff. Boys.”

Walking to lunch as I read a not school related novel, I was shocked when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. I let out a quiet shriek reflexively. “Relax, it’s just me.” Monty said, letting me go.

I took a deep breath as he wrapped his arms around me. “Hey.” I sighed against his chest.

“Missed seeing you this morning.”

“Me too. I had some stuff to do before school.”

“It didn’t have anything to do with the list? I thought you and Alex were friends.”

“No, it didn’t. And we aren’t friends necessarily. More like acquaintances. After this little stunt, I’m not sure I want to be friends with him.”

“That’s totally up to you Addison. How was your weekend?” Do I want to talk to him about it? Not really. At least not now.

“It was okay. Yours?”

“It was alright. Spent the weekend with Bryce.”

“Sounds like fun.” I murmured.

“His parents are in Cuba or Mexico or something.”

“Lovely.” Good for them. “That reminds me, my parents are both going to be out of town this weekend for work stuff. You can come over if you want?”

I looked up at him, watching him organize his schedule in his mind. “I’ll have to double check but I think I can come over after the game Friday.”

“Sounds good. Just let me know before Friday.” I gave him a hug and my phone vibrated in my front pocket.

“Damn Addy, what are you packing today? And why didn’t you lead with that when you asked about this weekend?” He joked, smirking jovially.

“It’s my phone you fiend.” I smirked back, rolling my eyes. I left the response in reference to this weekend open ended. You never know what might happen.

Checking my phone, I glanced at my texts. It was from Justin. Did you get locked in the bathroom or something? Where are you? “Shit, Justin wants to know where I am. I’ll see you in chem.” Had to ask Mr. David a question about this week’s reading and we got talking. I’ll be there in a minute. Don’t worry about saving me a seat, I need to talk some sense into Alex before he digs himself into a deeper hole.

Fair.

I walked up to Alex determined to give him a piece of my mind. I cleared my throat and he looked around, cutting Bryce off. “Addy. Hey, what’s up?” He asked nonchalantly. I arched my brow, hoping to convey my displeasure. You’re dealing with a boy here. Justin was watching me from his seat at the table. When we made eye contact, he seemed unsure if he should be standing up to stop this or if he should sit back and watch the show. I glanced towards the cafeteria door when Monty walked in, waltzing to his usual seat at the table. I felt myself becoming ballzier as the boy’s attention was caught.

“That was a really shitty thing to do Alex.”

“What was?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. The list.”

“You care enough to talk to me about it?”

“Awe, is the little bookworm upset she wasn’t included?” Bryce mocked. Justin’s head twitched towards him quickly, readying himself to step in.

“Shut the fuck up Walker. I’m not in the mood for your sexist bullshit today.” His and Alex’s eyes widened at my response, not used to me speaking my mind like that. “I’m not friends with Jessica or Hannah, but that doesn’t matter. And there were other girls on it. Comparing girls is a fucked up thing to do. I get you’re upset or whatever because of whatever happened between the three of you, but that kind of thing can ruin people’s lives.”

“It’s just a list Addison. It was for fun.”

“This time it was. It’s only fun until someone gets hurt. For your sake, I sincerely hope no one does.” Having said my piece, I turned and walked away. I noticed Tony Padilla watching the ordeal unfold with his boyfriend, Ryan Shaver. Nodding to them, I scanned the room for a place to sit. My eyes skipped over Hannah sitting by herself at the end of a table. They landed on Jeff sitting with Leah and Clay. I walked up to them and waved to sit.

“Hey Addy.” Clay greeted. I took the proffered seat and pulled out my chemistry textbook.

“Hey Clay. How goes the tutoring?”

“It goes.” Jeff responded.

“He’s more interested in Clay’s love life than the material.” Leah added.

“I see. Love life? What does the love life of Clay Jensen look like?”

“Hannah Baker.” Jeff smirked.

My eyebrows raised, impressed. “Justin says she’s sweet.”

“Justin is an ass.”

“He’s my best friend. And he’s not an ass. He’s just… selective about who he likes.”

“Addy, that’s polite for ‘he’s an ass’.” Clay responded, turning his attention back to Jeff. “Focus Jeff….” I tuned out the educational bits of what they were talking about, instead focusing on my own schoolwork. Justin texted me, breaking my concentration.

Bryce says you need to stop hurting his feelings.

Well tell Bryce and his tiny dick… I mean ego, he can grow up and if he didn’t say stupid shit, I wouldn’t have to. I looked up to watch his reaction. He ducked his head and bit his lip to hold back a laugh. Bryce tried to grab his phone to see what I said, but he slid it in his pocket quickly. I caught Monty quirk his brow at me and smiled softly at him. Pulling up his contact, I shot him a quick text. Don’t worry about it.

On my way to chemistry after lunch, I ran to the washroom to change quickly because I was starting to sweat. “Addy.” I vaguely heard a voice call behind me. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or not, so I ignored it. “Addison.” The voice called again. Again, I ignored it. “Yo. Hawthorne.” This time, it was much closer. I pulled out an earbud and looked to my left. Montgomery was walking beside me, trying to fall in step.

“Oh hey. Since when do you say ‘yo’ to me?”

“When I call you like four times and you don’t say anything.”

“Sorry, I was listening to a new album. Got a little too into it.” I turned to him again and he was scanning me appraisingly. “Hey. My eyes are up here buddy. Also I’m Justin’s friend so I don’t know what you think is going to come of you looking at me like that.” I chastised, noticing a couple of people stopping to watch us. When they looked away, I smiled at him brightly.

“Well I was thinking something along the lines of those little cookie sandwiches you make Justin all the time.”

I smirked. “Macarons? Try again in three months. Need to make sure you’re worth the effort of those delicious little hell circles.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” We arrived at our chem class and before he walked to his seat, he slipped in one more comment. “Nice shirt by the way.” I thought nothing of it until I was changing into my pyjamas that night. No wonder people were looking. Hopefully we don’t need damage control.

The rest of the week passed with few incidents. Hannah and Jess’ not talking was even more strict now. My dad was preoccupied with getting ready for his trip, so he left me alone for the most part. Monty and I continued as we had been, discussion of Monday and the list set aside for now. He had confirmed plans with me Wednesday night. I heard him confirm to Bryce that he had family coming to town this weekend, so he had to be home. I smirked into my book as I passed them. If Justin noticed, he didn’t say anything.

Friday morning, I was digging through my locker for my biology assignment, which had mysteriously disappeared from its place in my binder, when I felt someone beside me. “I told you Justin, I’m fine by myself this weekend. I’ll probably just watch SVU reruns or something.”

“Not Justin, but SVU doesn’t sound like a bad time.” Monty laughed. I jumped, not expecting him.

“Hi.” I said, still digging through my locker.

“What are you looking for?”

“My biology assignment. It’s due in like fifteen minutes and I can’t find it anywhere.” I heard him rummage through his bag briefly.

“You mean this biology assignment?”

I whipped my head around and frowned at him. In his hand, was my worksheet, slid neatly in a sheet protector. My frown softened and I looked at him questioningly. “Where did you find that?” He held it out to me.

“You left it on your desk in chemistry yesterday, so I grabbed it for you.” In my relief that my assignment wasn’t gone, I hugged him quickly.

“Thank you thank you thank you. You are literally a life saver right now.”

He chuckled before coughing slightly. “School.” He muttered to me.

“Shit yeah. Sorry.” I mumbled as I let go of him. “Justin isn’t making me go to the game, so is it okay if I skip it? I’ll make you congratulations dinner.”

“Sounds fair. What’s for dinner?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Depends what we have in the fridge. Also how do you feel about boardgames?”

“Love them as long as I’m not playing with Scott.”

“Last I checked, I’m not Scott so that’s good. I’ll see you at my place. You can finally have a proper tour of the house and see what it’s like coming in the front door.”

“Looking forward to it.”

After school, I checked what we had in the fridge. “Hmm… leftover lasagna, pork chops, ground something. Six different kinds of cheese.” Next was the pantry, “we have like eight different kinds of noodles. Could do mac and cheese.” Hey babe, how does mac and cheese sound?

That sounds good.

Okay. Good luck tonight. He didn’t respond so I went upstairs to change, after connecting my phone to the Bluetooth in the living room. “Hey Siri, play I Prevail playlist.”

“Okay, playing I Prevail playlist.” Instantly, the heavy sounds of guitar and bass riffs filled my home. I changed into the shirt I wore the other day and a pair of shorts, so I was comfortable for the night.

While dinner was cooking, I gathered a few boardgame options and an extra pillow for Montgomery, humming and singing softly to myself. He knocked on the door around seven. “It’s open.” I called from my place at the stove. He walked in and I could feel his eyes on my body, though I ignored it and the butterflies it caused in my stomach.

“I didn’t think you would like whatever this is. It’s also loud. Hear it outside loud.” He spoke into my ear, causing me to jump, yet again. He needs to stop doing that. I might buy him a bell for his birthday.

“Jeez. Hey Siri, pause music.” The music cut off. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. And there is no other way to listen to this.” I smirked mysteriously.

“Somehow I doubt that but okay Addy.” He kissed my cheek softly and I felt the dampness of his hair against my face.

“Please tell me that isn’t sweat.”

“I showered after the game. Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” I caught him reaching out for the lid of the mac and cheese.

“Hot!” I exclaimed, reaching out to stop him. “I took it out of the oven like ten minutes ago and it’s cast iron.” He nodded.

“How’s about that tour?” He asked, patting my butt as he moved to step around me back to the island. I surprised him when my hips followed his hand as he pulled it away. Turning to watch him suck in a sharp breath, I giggled.

“Don’t be getting any ideas there, buddy.” He muttered something under his breath I couldn’t catch. It sounded like something about “innocent” and “has no idea”. Before he could make any further comment, I clapped my hands together. “Tour. Starting here, I guess. This is the main floor.” I spread my arms, expositorily. Taking his hand, I led him back to the front door. “Front closet. Feel free to hang your coat up here or put it on this… lovely… piece of furniture Gran insisted we keep”, indicating towards the brown antique looking catch all bench that matched approximately zero of our other décor. “Lovely. Sure. That’s one word for it.” He chuckled.

“Mum asked Dad if we could keep it in the garage and only bring it back out the once a year Gran comes back stateside. The trouble is, this thing weighs like two hundred pounds because it’s all solid wood. It lives here because we aren’t doing that twice a year. This is the living room. We sit and watch TV here. The La-z-boy is off limits. Dad will know if someone sits in it before he steps in the house.”

“Noted.”

“You’ve seen the kitchen. Nothing too special here, except the fancy coffee machine we use on weekends or when company is here. Justin loves it. Dining room is there, we use it on holidays or when family is in town. And finally, the main floor powder room. Don’t think I need to explain much here. There is extra soap in the bottom drawer of the vanity.”

“Nice.” He smiled, looking around.

“Upstairs?”

“Lead the way m’lady.” I looked at him, my face melting into a confused frown. He shrugged at me.

“I have my own secrets Addy.” I nodded, leading him upstairs. The upstairs consists of a hallway with doors, so it was easy for me to point out the rooms. “Guest bathroom at the end of the hall-extra soap under the sink, same goes for my bathroom, guest room, office, my room, and my parents’ room is at the other end of the hall.” With the tour finished, we went back downstairs for dinner. We ate in comfortable silence, sneaking coy glances at each other.

“Ready to lose at Monopoly?” He asked, looking at the stack of games sitting on the coffee table.

“Ha! You wish.” We quickly set up the game and got comfortable in the living room. I grabbed the blanket off the couch and wrapped myself up in it. When I looked up, Montgomery was looking at me with the softest face I had ever seen him wear. “What?” I blushed.

“You look cozy. It’s cute.” He muttered. I smiled softly and ducked my head to hide my deepening blush.

“Shut up and pick a piece.”

“Ladies first.” I quickly grabbed Scottie Dog. He chose the race car and so began the most intense, hilarious game of Monopoly ever played. There was swearing left and right. We laughed at each other when we got crappy Chance cards. There may also have been some cheating, but we pretended not to notice if we caught it. Monty won unfortunately and I sulked for a minute before grabbing Ticket to Ride Europe. Again, it was intense and close until the final tally. He got longest route for ten extra points, smiling triumphantly to himself. That is, until we counted up cards and I had over a hundred more points. His smile dropped of his face immediately.

“What? How did you do that?” I handed him my cards.

“Many, many small routes I already had.”

“Mhmm.” He squeaked. After a few more games, we decided to call it a night and head up to bed.

[beca-mitchell]

fool’s gold (1/1)

Summary: Beca finds herself in Colorado bidding on a date with one Chloe Beale. Accidentally, of course. Besides, it’s for charity. Set after PP3.

Word count: 4,216

Rating: T

Read below or on AO3.

Beca finds out about it accidentally. A total accident wherein she did not intend to find out this information. She had been perusing the Bellas groupchat, a chat which she had been slightly too busy to participate in recently, when something caught her eye.

Chloe’s name plus the word “date”. It had taken a few tries and a few shaky swipes of her finger before she figures out that Chloe is participating in some charity event.

Beca hesitates at first, about to type out a message to Chloe right in the groupchat, but she quickly switches over to her private conversation with Chloe and winces when she realizes that her and Chloe haven’t really kept up an ongoing text conversation (and hardly any phone calls) over the past few months.

Beca sighs, flipping back to the groupchat and hoping against hope that somebody else—probably Aubrey or Flo—will ask Chloe about it.

Flo F. What kind of charity is it?

Chloe Every year, the senior vet students run some kind of fundraiser. This year it's for research. In the past, this auction thing has been a huge hit!!

Fat Amy So you’re selling your body? Nothing wrong with that of course.

Chloe No, I’m just…auctioning off a date.

Beca puts her phone down slowly.

Had three and a half years really flown by that quickly? Chloe was almost done with veterinary school and Beca felt like she was still struggling to stay afloat herself.

Well, that was a little untrue. Six Billboard Top 100 hits, a Grammy nomination, a North American tour with an international tour on its way, her first album had gone platinum with the second hot on its heels—

It’s just that Chloe Beale had always seemed so wholly unattainable even with everything that had transpired between them. And Beca wasn’t completely stupid, she knew some of this was her own fault, but life just came at her too fucking fast.

(This being the whole ‘we definitely have feelings for each other but we are also definitely not doing anything about it because one of us is in Colorado and the other is in California sometimes but not always’ thing. God, that always knocked the wind out of Beca. In any case, it had been one weekend of Chloe visiting Los Angeles and a drunken kiss that led to a little more, but nothing really, then an unspoken decision to never speak about it again.

Yeah. This.)

— — — — — 

It takes Beca another two hours to finally message Chloe and she almost has a heart attack when she pulls up their conversation.

Chloe’s last sweet dreams! xo stares back at her accusingly. 

Beca So, a date huh?

She groans. 

Yes, obviously a date. Aubrey already asked for more details an hour ago and the groupchat had long moved on.

Chloe’s reply is nearly instantaneous.

Chloe ?? 

Beca The whole auction thing you know for charity 

Chloe oh haha, yeah. It’ll be nothing. Just some rich student with too much to spend. I don’t have my hopes up or anything.

 But if Chloe could have her hopes for somebody in particular…Beca’s fingers tap anxiously on the edge of her table as she stares back at Chloe’s innocent-enough message.

  Beca oh, well fingers crossed lol

Chloe yeah.

 Beca winces at the one-word response, telling herself not to read too much into it—it doesn’t mean anything, they’re fine, they’re fine, they’re fine—

  Chloe I miss you

She sighs in relief.

Beca miss you too chlo

— — — — —

“You didn’t ask her out yet?” is Theo’s confused inquiry. “Wait, you weren’t dating already?”

“Just—just look up flights to Colorado.”

“I’m not your assistant, just in case you forgot.”

“I know, but Jeff’s on the fritz today and I don’t need another snide remark from him.”

“Snide remark? About what?”

“…about Chloe.”

“Ah.”

 — — — — — 

 Beca isn’t sure how she ends up here, but she ends up doing some casual research about this supposed senior tradition at CSU’s veterinary college and it ends up being more of a thing than Beca originally expects. Like a super serious thing where people buy tickets to attend. 

All proceeds go to the National Animal Disease Center and the Animal Welfare Institute. Tickets at the door will be $55.

Beca stares at the long list of details and scrolls for an embarrassing amount of time until she finds a list of “Auction Participants”. She exhales noisily through her nose when she finds Chloe’s name, surprised to see separate profiles attached to all the students participating.

Chloe Beale, Rising 4th Year Veterinary Student, DVM Candidate

Chloe enjoys singing and morning runs. She will probably fight you over whether the CSU Rams could hold up against the Barden University Knights. In her spare time, she enjoys volunteering at Larimer Humane Society as well as the CSU Zoo. You might have seen her running a few weekend educational programs for children 10 and under.

PS. She’s single!

Beca isn’t sure what grates on her more, the fact that the description doesn’t say anything about how Chloe hums her favorite songs when she gets nervous, or how Chloe’s hair grows at least a shade and a half lighter during the summer, or—or how Chloe can talk at length about nearly anything if she thinks it’s something that another person will find interesting. She is selfless and beautiful inside and out. 

And that last line. Beca’s fist clenches. She isn’t sure why it annoys her so much, but she hates the idea of this auction gimmick even if she knows instinctively that it is all in good fun and Chloe genuinely wouldn’t have consented to it if she didn’t believe in it or trust everybody who would be participating. Still, maybe Beca doesn’t want Chloe to…be single.

Her brow furrows at that last tapered-off thought.

To distract herself, she taps Theo’s number into her phone and waits with bated breath.

“Hello?”

“Did you book the ticket yet?” she asks in lieu of greeting.

She’ll let his amused chuckle slide this once.

 — — — — — 

 So maybe it isn’t really an accident.

She’s in Fort Collins, Colorado, on a beautiful but pretty damn chilly campus. Beca pulls her windbreaker tighter around herself and tugs her scarf up over her mouth and nose. She hasn’t been recognized yet, but she has a suspicion that there have been two young ladies following her, but she can’t be certain.

Though her fame is manageable, it still flares up unexpectedly and at inopportune times.

Like the last time she had visited Chloe on campus and they had spent the weekend eating at Chloe’s favorite spots and drinking cheap wine until they were laughing and leaning heavily against each other. Beca had loved the scent of Chloe’s shampoo as it wafted up from where Chloe had her head pressed against Beca’s shoulder and neck, her giggles tapering off into nothing. Back then, they hadn’t kissed yet—Beca was still recovering from the sting of seeing Chloe kiss Chicago even though it had happened months prior, but nothing had ever transpired.

And for a moment, when Chloe lifted her head off Beca’s shoulder, Beca had thought Chloe was going to kiss her. And she wouldn’t have minded, not at all. It had been something she had been thinking about for so long that Beca’s heart began to pound in anticipation. Then Chloe’s roommate had let herself into the apartment despite Chloe’s insistence they were going to be alone and she had recognized Beca surprisingly quick considering Beca had only one or two viral music videos released at the time. Beca hadn’t been sure, but Chloe had looked supremely disappointed.

Focusing back on the present, Beca gazes at the familiar, yet unfamiliar campus. She had made sure earlier that there hadn’t been a completely strict dress code for the event and opts for a loose wool sweater and nice jeans (a memory of Chloe’s fleeting “those jeans make your ass look good” passes through her mind, but she pays it no mind). She buys a lanyard with the CSU name and mascot emblazoned on it. Just to add to the look.

She finds the student center soon enough. Happy to be out of the chill for a moment, Beca pulls her scarf down but leaves her toque on, keeping it tight over her eyebrows.

“Hey,” a voice calls instantly and Beca jumps because for a moment, it sounds like Chloe. But that would be impossible, she’s barely been there five seconds— “I know you, you’re Chloe’s friend, right?”

Beca turns to see young man, around her age, smiling in a completely nonthreatening manner. She vaguely recognizes him from some of Chloe’s social media posts, but she can’t quite place his name. “Hi,” she says instead.

“Did Chloe invite you to this?” he asks, sounding entirely too amused for Beca’s liking.

“Uh…” Beca isn’t sure what the better answer would be—yes, Chloe invited poor hapless Beca Mitchell to watch her get auctioned off and alternatively the implication that Chloe would need some pull from somebody like Beca which is dumb because despite the crappy dating profile on the website, Chloe needs no help at all; or no, Beca invited herself because she’s there on a mission. “Hm,” she says evasively instead. “Sorry, what was your name again?”

“Benjamin, but you can call me—”

Beca smiles. “Ben,” she finishes. It’s cute how much he reminds her of Benji. “Chloe posts about you a lot.”

“Yeah, we kind of…” he laughs, pushing up his glasses. “Bonded, I guess. She’s been a good friend. Helped set me up with my boyfriend.” He nods his head towards the door. “Want to come sit with us? We’re mainly here for the show and the food. Do you have your ticket?”

Beca blushes but tamps it down as best as she can. “Uh no, I was gonna buy at the door.”

He grins again, but says nothing about that. “Okay, we’ll see you inside. We’re kind of near the back. Turn left when you get in.”

 — — — — — 

 The emcee is fairly decent and Beca cracks a laugh at a few jokes. She has a pretty good view of the stage and she feels comfortable enough sitting near Chloe’s friends. They seem to take a shine to her and teasingly press an auction paddle into her hands.

“For an emergency,” Ben says, mirth in his eyes. And something akin to knowing, as if he knows something Beca doesn’t. She tries to scowl at him, but she misses that opportunity because Chloe is being walked on stage looking like—

“Oh,” Beca murmurs, blushing when she can feel eyes on her. There is no way Chloe can see her in the crowd because she’s sure the spotlight is bright enough based on Chloe’s squint and embarrassed smile. But otherwise, Chloe looks stunning, wearing a pretty blue sundress and white doctor’s coat. Beca blinks back the unexpected surge of emotion—not quite tears, but her eyes do sting a little—that she gets upon seeing Chloe in person for the first time in at least a year.

God, she had gone a whole year without seeing Chloe’s face—without having Chloe’s hands to hold and Chloe’s arms around her.

She never wants to do that again. She never wants to be apart from Chloe for that long, too afraid of her own feelings to push for something she knows Chloe wants as well. She had seen it in Chloe’s eyes over the past decade and more of knowing her. Chloe, her best friend and confidante—the person who most got on her nerves but also knew how to put her back together in more ways than one—

“We’ll start the bidding at fifty dollars! Ten-dollar interval minimum, please and thank you.”

There’s some cheering and laughter in the crowd from a group near the front. Chloe blushes again under the spotlight, but she flips off the group whom Beca assumes consists of people Chloe knows well enough.

“That’s kind of low,” Beca comments.

“You should bid,” Vlad, Ben’s boyfriend, suggests.

“No, I’m just here for support,” Beca replies distractedly as another person bids up to $100. Beca’s fingers tighten momentarily around the paddle before she relaxes and wills herself to scan the crowd as nonchalantly as possible. But before she can really settle down—

“Two hundred!”

It’s arguably the biggest jump Beca has heard over the last few auctions and the murmur that rushes through the crowd indicates that they think it’s something worthwhile as well.

Beca tries not to think about how she made two-hundred dollars in the first minute—probably less—of releasing her second single on Spotify.

“Two-fifty,” a female voice calls out, distinctly confident and self-assured. Beca notes that the blush on Chloe’s face is a little different now, this time a little shy and demure like she knows that person and is touched by the gesture.

“Who is that?” Beca asks quickly.

“Oh, I think that was Amelia,” Vlad says when he notices that his boyfriend is not responding. “She’s in Chloe’s cohort.”

But who is she, Beca wants to demand further.

“Two-seventy,” the same male voice from earlier counters, though with a tinge of hesitation.

“Three hundred,” ‘Amelia’ counters.

A pause. “Three-twenty.”

“Four-fifty.” Without hesitation. An excited murmur ripples through the crowd. Chloe’s hands are now covering her face, but Beca sees that she’s smiling ever so slightly.

“She likes her,” Ben says simply.

“Who likes who.” Beca considers this a very important distinction.

“Amelia likes Chloe.”

“And does Chloe like Amelia?”

“They’re friends.” He stares at Beca pointedly. “Like you guys are friends, right? So what’s a little competition.”

“But Chloe and I are—we’re—”

Beca finds she has no real justification, no real insight to offer because she and Chloe have been teetering on that edge of almost for so long that she has forgotten what it meant when competition came along.

Until Chicago.

And before that, for Chloe, Jesse, but Beca had been nearly completely blind to it.

And now this.

Beca’s hand is rising before she can stop herself. Her brain seems to shut down completely—the rational part at least—as her heart grabs the reins. It’s stupid, it’s archaic, but this is for Chloe (almost literally, but Beca will never succumb to the belief that this is any valid way to date somebody). “Seven hundred,” she calls out. Her eyes widen when heads swivel to her and she quickly ducks, pulling her scarf back up to her nose and mouth. She waves her paddle above her head, too embarrassed to see whether Chloe’s eyes are scanning the crowd for her.

“Holy shit,” Ben mutters.

“Eight hundred,” Amelia counters somewhere in the distance, but suddenly Beca’s ears are roaring with the oddest sound—like a chorus of fucking angels or something.

“Oh my God, the animals are lucky today,” somebody mutters somewhere to Beca’s left.

“A thousand,” Beca counters.

“Um—” Ben seems to think better of it and clamps his mouth shut, though he looks like he might laugh, or worse, smile at Beca. God.

“A thousa—”

Beca’s had it. “Two thousand!”

The shocked silence that follows is enough to tell Beca that she’s completely lost it.

(But she lost it long ago—somewhere between agreeing to join an all-female acapella group when she was eighteen because of that girl with blue eyes and a killer voice and that chaotic year that followed, somehow ending with her kissing the wrong person at the end of it all. No more of that.)

“Um,” the auctioneer has apparently lost all capabilities of auctioneering. “I…guess…? Sold to—” He peers over the crowd. “You?” he asks again, still unsure. “For two thousand dollars.”

Beca quickly presses the paddle into Ben’s hands and sinks lower in her seat, distinctly avoiding all eye contact. Those closest to her finally seem to catch on and she catches the faintest hint of whispers.

“Is that…?”

“No fucking way.”

“God, I knew Beale was lying when she said they weren’t hooking up.”

Beca tries not to think about any of that, suddenly very interested in the patterns on the carpeted floor.

 — — — — — 

  Beca i did something really stupid

Aubrey Yes, the auction was livestreamed. Chloe sent me a link.

Beca holy fuck could you see me???

Aubrey No, but thank you for confirming. Two thousand dollars, Beca Mitchell.

Beca is about to type something incredibly cheesy in response to the mild snark in Aubrey’s text, but she is distracted by Ben’s shadow appearing over her.

“Hey, so uh, you have to actually meet Chloe backstage. To set up the details and stuff. And they’re going to need a check or some other form of payment? For that two thousand dollars you just dropped?”

“Do they accept Amex,” Beca deadpans.

“Yes, I believe so. So now that that’s covered, shall we?” He holds out an arm for Beca.

Beca sighs and clicks off her phone, decidedly ignoring the very long paragraph of text Aubrey just sent to her (she caught words like “my best friend” and “hurt her” and “bear trap” so she figures that’s something she can laugh or cry over when she is inevitably sent back on a plane to Los Angeles).

“Does she know it’s me?” Beca finally asks.

“I honestly don’t know. You’re kind of short and I don’t think she could actually see you.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Beca says, feeling lightheaded.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be? We’re friends. We’ve done stupid shit before. She stayed back three years to just be part of an acapella group.” And to be with you, an annoying voice sounds in her head.

Oh, that was actually Ben. Who sounded eerily like Aubrey in that moment. Beca steps away from him.

He stares at her pointedly, pointing at the door.

Fuck, Beca thinks.

It is a simple study room and when Beca opens it, she isn’t expecting the space to be so small and so brightly lit. She winces immediately and nearly steps back out, but Chloe’s gasp is enough to keep her rooted to the spot.

“Beca,” Chloe squeaks. “What the fu—what are you doing here?”

“Hi,” Beca says, waving. Chloe continues to gape at her. “Hi?” Beca tries again.

Before she realizes what’s happening, Chloe is flying towards her and wrapping her arms so tightly around Beca that all the air rushes out of her in one fell swoop. She has enough sense to grip tightly at the back of Chloe’s coat, her fingers scrabbling on the thick, coarse fabric until they settle easily into each other like no time had passed before.

Beca sighs—literally sighs—like a disgusting teenager in love and she kind of thinks Chloe does the same before Chloe is pulling back and punching her in the arm oncee she’s at arm’s length.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“You seriously paid two thousand dollars?”

Oh right, that happened and was still happening.

“It was an accident,” Beca says instinctively and defensively.

“You raised the price by a thousand dollars accidentally,” Chloe clarifies.

“Don’t—don’t call it a price, like you’re…” Beca gestures uncomfortably. “Like you’re on sale or something. And I totally believe it’s your right to do what you want with your body and stuff because you should be allowed to have all that agency and—”

“Wow, Beca slow down.” Chloe grins affectionately. “Nobody’s doing anything with my body, not without my permission anyway. These things usually just end in a quick dinner or like. Laser tag or something. It’s never that serious.”

“I knew that,” Beca says quickly, trying to ignore her own blush at Chloe’s choice of words. “I just…I wanted to be…I wanted to,” she takes a steadying breath, “go on a date with you. And be your girlfriend. And do couple-y things. Because we’d be dating…as girlfriends.”

“You did?” Chloe asks quietly and so delicately that Beca’s breath catches. She tries to maintain eye contact as best as she can.

The air around them feels so heavy. “So much.”

“So you…” Chloe’s brow furrows. “Came to Colorado and paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me? And I’m assuming you flew…so even more than two thousand dollars.”

“I…it sounds weird. I know. I’m weird. I just—” Beca heaves a breath. “I panicked, okay? I had this crazy vision of you ending up with somebody…with somebody else. That wasn’t me. And that sounds crazy jealous and crazy possessive and I have no right, but I’ve been thinking about you so much and I don’t know that I’ve ever really stopped thinking about you since that first day at the activities fair that entire fucking lifetime ago.” Beca feels winded suddenly and quickly looks up at Chloe with desperation. “I should have just…” she trails off, unsure.

She should have never let Chloe slip away the first time. Then the second time when she had the chance. When Chloe met her in the middle so many times before.

“Beca,” Chloe whispers, pulling her out of her swirling thoughts. “It’s…” She struggles to think of a word for a moment. “It’s okay. I’m not mad, I promise. It’s just…a lot.”

“I’m just so sorry because it seems like I’m always like…just one step off from you. And I just want to be on the same page. I want to be what you deserve.”

“Me too,” Chloe replies, reaching forward to take Beca’s hand. She doesn’t hold Beca’s hand however, opting instead to gently grip her wrist, her thumb beginning to trace soothing circles along her wristbone. “I want to be what you deserve too.”

Beca swallows the immediate protest. She lets it die in her throat because she knows Chloe is right—that they have so much to work on. But they can do it together.

“Things have been weird between us, haven’t they?” Beca asks quietly. She fixes her gaze on the “Since you came to visit me. And we…” she swallows. “We kissed.”

“We did,” Chloe murmurs.

“And have things been weird?” Beca presses.

“A little,” Chloe admits after a pause. “But things have always been a little weird between us.” A small smile slips across her lips as she uses her free hand to tilt Beca’s chin up so their gazes meet once more. “But I’ve liked that.”

“You have?”

Chloe shrugs. “Kind of.”

“We…we don’t have to go on this date, you know?” Beca clarifies, eyes flicking between Chloe’s eyes and her lips frantically. Chloe draws closer. “We…” Beca’s voice cracks. “Don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“What do you want to do?” Chloe asks, her finger still tracing the underside of Beca’s jaw and the side of her neck.

Beca’s eyes flutter shut. “I want to kiss you again. If that’s okay.”

“Do you…” Chloe’s breath is warm against Beca’s mouth as she moves closer still. “Do you…have another thousand dollars?”

Beca’s eyes would fly open if she weren’t completely lost in the sensation of both of Chloe’s hands coming up to tangle into her hair. She moans at the sensation before she can help herself and immediately closes the distance between them, their lips bumping uncomfortably for a second before they settle into a somewhat familiar rhythm. Just like that, with a hint of banter and the way their touches soothe each other, they settle back into familiarity—back into what made them work all those years ago.

Instantly, Chloe’s body seems to press into hers with ease. Chloe’s head tilts and her mouth parts and Beca just about loses her mind. She reaches up to grab Chloe’s shoulders with difficulty before she moves her hands down to hold Chloe’s waist while subtly tugging her closer. Chloe sighs a little into the kiss before she pulls back with Beca’s lower lip trapped between her teeth for a brief moment.

Beca shudders. “Unfair,” she murmurs, momentarily forgetting her own name. Chloe’s name. Amelia. Ben.

There is nothing but this moment, with Beca’s heart threatening to burst from nerves and excitement and passion and sheer joy at the feeling of having the woman she loves in her arms once more.

“Never wait that long to ask me out again,” Chloe teases, pressing her forehead against Beca’s. “This was like…weirdly romantic, but I don’t need you to drop two thousand dollars. No matter how rich you are, miss Grammy nominee.”

Beca tilts her head to steal another kiss. “Again? As in we’re going to have multiple dates.”

“If you play your cards right.” Chloe’s nose brushes against Beca’s lightly. “Not your fancy credit card though.”

“Oh,” Beca says because Chloe’s hands are tugging through her hair again and somehow her toque is on the floor and they’re kissing again.

She could get used to this.

But of course:

“Wait ‘til I tell the girls you paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me.” She doesn't need to sound so smug, but Beca would be remiss if she didn't acknowledge how hot Chloe sounds saying that.

It isn’t an accident that Beca shuts her up with a kiss.

fin.

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

Honestly everything happening right now has somehow made me think about my political development

Like when I was first exposed to the concept of politics I just parroted what my parents would say, like most kids, and thankfully both my parents are well-meaning liberals and not something actively malicious, but still

And then at some point I developed a habit of reading the paper over breakfast (specifically the Chicago Sun-Times, lots of local politics and somewhat center-left aligned, at least from what I recall) and that this was a habit that I basically retained throughout middle school, so I was relatively politically informed

I think it was also around that time that something about “capitalism bad” clicked, although I didn’t know anything about leftism at all and whenever I expressed “but capitalism is bad and harmful maybe?” to an authority figure I would always get something like “the alternative is worse” and like I didn’t know better so that would end up casting doubt on my own conclusions, and I also remember getting into a fight with a classmate who seemed to be a burgeoning libertarian (I don’t know if he’s still a libertarian because I haven’t heard from him in years, and frankly I do not fucking care) so like...there was something planted there

And then for a good chunk of my teenhood I hung out on this website that I will not name, but I will say that the culture there was like a combination of 4chan and reddit, and yes that is exactly as bad as it sounds. That place was a terrible influence on me, the strong anti-SJW culture introduced me to so many harmful ideas, especially transmedicalism, which probably kept me from figuring out who I was for years. But I didn’t really feel a sense of belonging anywhere else, so I hung out there. Up until the 2016 election cycle, at which point the userbase seemed to be sort of passively accepting of overt racism, at which point I said, “hey wait, this is wrong!” and just...left

At this point my only real exposure to politics were through the twitch streams of this youtuber I liked, because his videos had gotten me through a really tough mental health crisis after I graduated high school. Unfortunately said youtuber turned out to be a racist, transphobic, misogynistic piece of shit, but like it took me ages to realize this because despite the fact that he was openly saying this vile stuff live on his streams I was so isolated from everything else that I was more interested in taking solace in something that had once brought me comfort. I still think about this guy, by the way. There’s a strong sense of betrayal, and it still stings

Eventually I stopped watching that one youtuber, and instead I sort of drifted around by myself as sort of a well-meaning person who had been poisoned a bit too much. I didn’t really understand things for a while. And then, somehow, I ended up befriending a very outspoken leftist over our shared love of a specific fictional anime character. And I think that was a major catalyst for my radicalization. To not only see someone say “a better world is possible” but to articulate how it’s possible, and what the specific things about the world we live in now need fixing. It was kind of freeing, and while it’s sort of burdened me with terrible despair for the last few years I feel relief in knowing and understanding, because I feel like that’s probably better than blissful ignorance

I’ve been scared lately. I haven’t been allowing myself to feel it, which sucks, but the alternative is that I collapse into a heap as I’m crushed by my own existential dread, and I don’t want to do that. I’m just sort of clinging to the hope that people will keep fighting for the right thing, and I’ll do my best to help them, because that’s all I can do right now. That’s all any of us can do, I think

[fandoms-are-my-friends-1321]

Knives Against the Current Ch. 1

This is my first fanfic, so please be kind, but I always accept positive criticism. This will eventually be a Nick x Gatsby story, and I will include a warning before each chapter because some of the subjects might be triggering for some people. I do not own any of these characters, or the gif.

Warnings: mentions of past violence, drinking, cheating, some stalking at the very end, The Great Gatsby spoilers

Most of us are familiar with the story The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. We either read the book during high school, or chose to read it because it is considered to be a classic. The story follows Nick Carraway’s summer in New York. While he tries to deal with all of the drama that surrounds his cousin Daisy, and her cheating husband Tom, he meets Jay Gatsby. Gatsby is known for his lavish parties, but he also has a hidden love for Daisy. Eventually, all of the scandal catches up with these characters, and it leads to Gatsby’s demise. This tale is used to show the world that there is always someone watching, and that you can’t relive the past.

With every tale that is created, there are always multiple routes that the story could have taken. We know these as alternate universes. Some can lead to happy endings, while others take a more horrific twist. This story will shed light on the more sinister path that The Great Gatsby could have taken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gatsby had been accused of many things, like being a German spy and killing a man. One of these statements was true, but it was far worse than anyone could have imagined.

There was a killer that had been terrorizing the United States. The murders were quick and random, but one thing was always the same. Placed on the corpse of each victim was a single daisy. No one knew who this person was, and they never stayed in one place for very long. This person, who would become known as The Daisy Killer, is currently residing in a large mansion in West Egg, New York.

Despite these brutal killings, there is one man who was still focusing on making a living in a time of crisis. His name was Nick Carraway. After a confusing mixup in his hometown, Nick decided to move to New York City to pursue a career selling bonds. He wanted to be a writer, but anything he tried to write seemed boring and flat.

As Nick arrived at his small house in West Egg, he felt like he was being watched. He looked up towards his neighbor’s home, and his gaze met a figure standing in the second story window. Nick couldn’t make out any defining features, and in a flash the figure disappeared behind a dark blue curtain.

Later on that afternoon, Nick was invited over to his cousin Daisy’s home in East Egg for dinner. Upon his arrival, Nick was greeted by Daisy’s husband, Tom. Tom was a very muscular man, and viewed himself as the alpha male. Nick had known Tom since they were in college, and he still acted the same way as he did then. Nick climbed the pearl colored steps of the Buchanan’s fancy home. When he reached the top, Tom wrapped his arm around Nick’s small frame.

“Isn’t it amazing,” Tom said as he gestured at the lush, green lawn.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Nick stated as Tom continued to assert his dominance. With that, the two men walked inside. Tom escorted Nick into the side parlor, where his cousin was waiting for him.

As he entered the room, he could see Daisy lying on the couch. It was evident that she had been drinking. There was also another woman that Nick had never seen before. She had short, black hair, and her chin was tipped up towards the ceiling.

“I’m paralyzed with happiness,” Daisy uttered as she draped her body on the back of the couch. A single blonde strand of hair had fallen into her face. She told Nick that the woman on the other end of the couch was Jordan Baker. Jordan gave a slight nod of acknowledgement to Nick.

“I’ve been to Chicago recently,” Nick said as he walked further into the small room.

“Do they miss me in Chicago,” Daisy replied in an excited voice.

“They never got over the fact that you left.”

Jordan got up from her seat on the couch and walked over to the window. “You live in West Egg, right,” Jordan asked as she looked over her shoulder at Nick.

“Yes, but I don’t know a single person there,” Nick responded. Jordan gave him a small smile, “Well, surely you must know Gatsby.”

That was the first time that Nick heard the name of his mysterious neighbor, and he was intrigued instantly. Daisy was interested too, but the announcement that dinner was ready interrupted their conversation. Nick was once again wedged under Tom’s arm as he was led outside.

The dinner conversation was filled with whispers of rumors about the butler and the book, “The Rise of the Colored Empires.” Tom insisted that the novel was scientific, but Nick took his words with a grain of salt. The butler that they had just been talking about emerged from inside the house, and whispered something to Tom. Tom rose quickly from his seat and headed inside.

“I’ll be back shortly,” Tom assured as he closed the double doors. He could be seen inside talking to someone on the phone. Daisy tossed her napkin on the table, and she too went inside. Nick and Jordan looked at each other. Nick decided that it would be rude to sit in silence, so he decided to start a conversation.

“This weather is lovely isn’t-,”

Jordan held a delicate hand up. “Sh! I want to hear what they’re saying.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Don’t you know? I thought everyone knew. Tom’s got some woman in New York.”

“A woman?”

Before Nick could fully comprehend what was going on, Daisy and Tom were back at the table. About five minutes later though, the phone was ringing again. Tom vanished inside, and Daisy got up and walked into the backyard. Nick followed her brisk pace as she rounded the corner of the house. Daisy placed her head into her hands.

“We don’t know each other very well, Nick,” Daisy said as she lifted her head back up. “You weren’t at my wedding.”

“I wasn’t back from the war.”

“That’s true, but I’ve had a terrible time. It’s made me quite cynical about things. Do you want to know what I said when my daughter was born?”

Nick nodded his head as a signal for Daisy to continue.

“Tom was God knows where, and I asked the nurse if it was a boy or a girl. She told me that it was a girl. I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. I hope that she will be a fool-that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world. A beautiful fool.”

Nick could feel a heavy sting in his heart. He hated to see Daisy like this, even if he barely knew her. The two walked back into the house after that. Jordan was reading a magazine on the long, white couch.

“Well, it’s time for this good girl to go to bed,” Jordan said as she threw the magazine down with a light thud. “Goodnight, Mr. Carraway.”

Nick replied with a short goodnight. Daisy couldn’t help but smile. “You’ll be seeing more of her. Maybe I could arrange a wedding,” Daisy said as her smile grew even more.

Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe, but I should be getting home.” He started for the door, but Daisy grabbed his arm.

“Wait! We heard you were engaged to a girl out West,” Daisy claimed as her eyes met with Nick’s.

“I’m sorry, but it’s not true. There was a very big mix up. Besides, I’m to poor,” Nick replied as he opened the door and walked out to his car.

As he drove home, he couldn’t tell if he was touched or disgusted by Daisy and Tom’s interest in his affairs. He whipped into the drive at his small West Egg estate. Nick stepped out of his car, and as he closed the door, he caught sight of his neighbor once again. Even in the pitch black darkness that surrounded the area, Nick knew that it was Gatsby.

He wanted to call out to him, but he stopped himself. Nick saw Gatsby standing at the edge of his dock. Gatsby’s arm was stretched out over the tar colored water. Upon further observation, Nick could see that he was reaching for a green light. He also noticed a slight flicker of moonlight that reflected off of a silver object in Gatsby’s other hand.

Nick unlocked his door, and turned back to see if Gatsby was still at the end of the dock . However, he had vanished. Nick was alone, or so he thought as he stepped into his abode.

What Nick didn’t notice was the tall figure that had watched him enter his home. The mystery person smiled, and they let out a light chuckle.

“I’ll be seeing you very soon, old sport.”

[halstudandruz]

Took You Long Enough

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood and shootings a few swear words too

It had been almost a year since I was transferred to intelligence. Which also meant it had been almost a year since Erin Lindsay had left for New York. Voight partnered me with Dectective Jay Halstead taking over Erin’s place, and I knew the first day I walked into intelligence I was in trouble. As cheesy as it sounds those green-blue eyes and wide smile made me weak at the knees. As much as I hated to admit it, it didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on Jay, one that I would hide for as long as I could. Unfortunately for me Jay was broken. Erin had left him in pieces and he wasn’t ready to be put back together. So it wasn’t exactly easy to be his new partner at first, but as time went by he learned to open up again, and we quickly became a dynamic duo. However this also meant it was becoming increasingly harder to keep a professional outlook on things when it came to Jay. I understood no matter what we had to keep things professional at work, and I knew I wouldn’t let it affect our job regardless, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling being with him day in and day out hiding my true feelings. One drunken night about 4 months after I came to Intelligence Jay made a move which led to us hooking up. Later that same night still in my drunk state I had stupidly let my feelings slip, but Jay made it clear he wasn’t ready. In all honesty I didn’t know if he would ever be ready, but you better believe that didn’t stop him from reaming Adam a new one when he made a move on me. Acting as though I was his. Even though all we were and probably ever would be was friends with benefits or partners with benefits if you will. You also better believe that didn’t stop the drunk hookups we had after each tough case, or in all reality after pretty much any case. Which I put a stop to recently. My feelings were becoming too strong and I was quickly starting to drown in the bliss that was Jay Halstead. Although this made it awkward at first we had learned to work through it pushing any and all tension to the back of our minds acting as though it wasn’t obvious. Even though nobody in the unit had said anything I had quite the feeling they all knew. Except Kim of course. She quickly became my best friend in the unit. We clicked right off the bat, and she was well aware of my situation.

But on this particular night I was beginning to regret my decision. We were working on a particularly tough case this week, and Jay knew it was starting to take a toll on me. And sadly the more I drank the more I was reminded that I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, the safest place I’ve ever had the pleasure of being. I was trying to keep my conscience in check reminding myself that those moments meant everything to me, and nothing to him. Feeling the sting throughout my body every time I repeated that in my head. After almost calling him myself I decided I needed to go to bed before I made any mistakes. As I shut the TV off, and walked to the fridge to get a water I heard a knock on my door. Looking at the clock on my stove I realized it was already 1 o’clock in the morning, and knew there could only be one person standing at the other side of that door. Feeling my heart start to beat slightly faster than before I took a deep breath before opening the door. There he was standing in my door way hands stuffed in his pockets, hair slightly messy, looking down at the floor. I ushered him inside closing the door as he took off his coat.

“Jay I can’t. We talked about this.” I said not looking at him knowing if I did I was going to break.

“I’m not here for sex [Y/N].” He sighed before continuing, “it’s just I couldn’t sleep..” he trailed off before finishing.

“Okay.. and? You want me to keep you company? You could’ve just FaceTimed me or something.” I asked confused as to what he was getting.

“I was just wondering if maybe I could sleep here..” He said shifting from one foot to the other.

“So, you want to sleep in my bed? I mean yeah I guess that’s fine. I mean if it’s really that big of a deal we could just like switch beds yours is comfy too.” I laughed. “But yeah you know where everything is.” I said as I started to make a bed on the couch.

“[Y/N]…” he gulped looking at me.

“Hmm?” I asked looking at him.

“I understand if you say no, but it’s just that I haven’t slept good in weeks as in like the last time I stayed here and we… like.. yeah.. and it’s just that I’m exhausted, and was hoping maybe I could sleep with you? Like actually sleep I mean..” he blushed looking down at the floor again. I had never seen him this shy and it was easily making my heart race. Without thinking I quickly nodded my head yes walking off towards my room. I didn’t turn around knowing full well that Jay was following me. Once we got to the room we began to strip getting ready for bed. Jay slipped off his shirt and jeans laying them on the dresser before crawling into my bed. I graciously watched without making it obvious loving every second. Feeling my skin get hot at the same time. I began to strip down to my bra and panties. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jay staring.

“Could you like not watch me?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Jay shrugged winking at me and licking his lips. Making me weak at the knees, but slightly angry at the same time knowing how easily he could influence me. Once I was undressed I took Jay’s shirt off the dresser slipping it on I walked towards the bed to see him smirking at me.

“What?” I asked slightly annoyed at his confidence.

“You know what.” He smiled bigger at me.

“It’s more comfortable than mine.” I rolled my eyes climbing into bed. Although that was true it was only half the truth. As stupid as it sounds there was something even more comforting about having his shirt on and scent even closer to me that made me sleep better. I snuggled into him without thinking as he wrapped his arm around me. We laid there in silence for a little. As I was starting to sober up I wondered if this was the best decision. Feeling a mix of emotions swirl in my stomach. Feeling once again like I was being pulled in different directions with him. I understood that he was still getting over Erin, and I knew he wasn’t trying to play me in anyway, but that didn’t make anything easier. I felt like I was a teenager again trying to get her crush to notice her, and that made me even more mad at the situation. There was too many variables involved and it was just getting increasingly harder. I knew sooner rather than later he had to make up his mind.

“Jay.. I don’t think you realize how hard this is for me..” I began to give him my speech before I was interrupted by his slight snoring. I sighed laying my head back down on his chest. Falling asleep to the beating of his heart. The next morning we were awoken by my alarm going off. I reached over to turn it off as Jay loudly groaned next to me.

“What time is it?” He asked hand covering his eyes.

“5:45.” I answered rolling away from him sitting on the edge of my bed very much so regretting the coldness that overwhelmed me now.

“We don’t even have to be at the district until 7:30 why in the hell are you waking up now.” He rolled over trying to pull me back down to him.

“Go back to sleep I’ll wake you up once I’m done getting ready.” I leaned down kissing his shoulder before heading off to the shower. Once I was done getting ready I woke Jay up, and rushed him out the door. We got in our separate cars heading off to work. “Morning Sarge.” I nodded at Platt before unlocking the gate and heading upstairs Jay following behind me. After everyone was there Voight began to go over the case again trying to piece any new leads together.

“We have to be missing something.” Adam said tapping his pen on his desk.

“Well the longer we sit here the bigger chance we have of these girls dying so dig deeper.” Voight answered harshly. After what felt like forever we finally got a break in the case and were now on our way to catch the guys in an abandoned building where they were apparently keeping the few girls hostage.

“Thanks for letting me stay last night, I really needed that.” Jay said trying to fill the awkward silence that was present in the truck.

“Yep, no problem.” I answered calmly, but could hear the shakiness in my voice and turned away from him.

“Hey, look at me.” Jay said concern on his face glancing over at me.

“Let’s just focus on the case for right now.” I sighed leaning back in my seat preparing myself for anything we may encounter. Once arriving at the scene we all surrounded the building waiting for Voight to give us the cue.

“Chicago PD! Put your hands up!” Voight screamed after Atwater busted in the door. Once entering the suspects quickly retreated not taking long to begin firing weapons at us. As I rounded a corner I seen the girls huddled underneath a stairwell handcuffed to the wall. They looked terrified, but relief was covering their exhausted and bloody/bruised faces at the same time. Thinking I had enough cover I ran towards the girls, but quickly fell to the ground when I felt an emense pain in my abdomen. I screamed out once I hit the concrete floor.

“Ruzek cover me!” Jay screamed before kneeling down beside me quickly ripping at my clothes. “50-21 I got an officer down! Multiple shots fired at police. Roll an ambo to our location now!” Jay screamed into his radio while trying to apply pressure to my side.

“Jay what happened?” I asked adrenaline still running through my body.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, [Y/N], just keep talking to me.” Jay tried to say calmly, but I could see the worry obvious in his face as well as hear it in his voice. “Come on keep looking at me, don’t you dare close your eyes, [Y/L/N].” Jay grabbed my face as I began to feel my eyes getting heavier by the second. Quickly I began to feel the darkness overtake me hearing shots surround me in the background as well as Jay screaming my name.

~Jay’s POV~

I paced in the waiting room feeling sick to my stomach. Everyone was seated around me trying to keep me off edge. Luckily for us we took down the suspects, and saved all the victims they had raped and tortured. At this moment though, that fact made me feel absolutely no better. There was so much blood, and as much as I trusted the doctors at Med with my life I didn’t know if they could do the saving this time. It didn’t help that it had been what felt like days since she was brought in.

“Jay come on man you have to sit down.” Adam patted my back leading me towards a chair. The tension was so thick in the room I was finding it hard to breathe.

“No, I need to go get a drink. I’ll be back.” I shrugged Adam off walking towards the hall where the vending machines were. Once I was by myself it was like my legs had stopped working giving in on me. I punched the wall before sliding down it head falling into my hands. As much as I tried to hold them back the tears began to run down my face. I was too emerged in my thoughts to hear footsteps walking towards me. I jumped once I felt an arm being wrapped around me. I glanced up to see it was Kim. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” I cried.

“She understands Jay.” Kim sighed rubbing her hand up and down his back.

“No, I was playing her. Even though that wasn’t my intention I was, and I was too wrapped up in myself to even think about how I was making her feel.” I sighed feeling more tears run down my face. I have always had a hard time being vulnerable, but honestly at this point I had nothing to lose all I was concerned about was [Y/N].

“She didn’t see it like that Jay.” Kim replied turning herself towards me trying to look at me.

“What if I never get to tell her Kim.” I looked up at her.

~[Y/N]’s POV~

I woke up to what sounded like beeping surrounding me. I quickly opened my eyes, but just as quickly shut them again regretting that decision as the lights blinded me. I felt pain radiating through my body and I tried to groan, but no sound came out. I also felt someone holding my hand, and tried to squeeze it. I knew it had worked when the grip tightened around my hand. After a few minutes of laying there trying to gather my thoughts I slowly opened my eyes blinking quickly as I tried to adjust to the bright light. I groaned again this time hearing the sound successfully come out. I turned my head to see who was sitting beside me. I was welcomed with the sight of Jay looking alert, but also completely exhausted at the same time staring back at me.

“Water.” I croaked out hearing my voice adjust to the dryness that filled my throat. Jay quickly jumped up fetching me a small cup, and laid it to my lips slowly dumping it into my mouth. “Thanks.” I smiled at him as he sat back down next to me. It was then that I realized I was in the hospital, an IV in my hand, and gauze completely covering my abdomen. I tried to readjust myself, but wined whenever I felt sharp pains shoot through me.

“Stay still.” Jay scolded me reaching up to brush my hair back from my face.

“What happened?” I asked. Jay sighed giving me a brief of the events holding tighter onto my hand. His voice shook as he retold the story.

“I’m going to go get Connor, and let him know you’re awake.” Jay stood up kissing my forehead before I watched him walk out. Not long after Dr. Rhodes came into my room to check my vitals explaining my injuries, and what he did to fix them. I was then left alone with Jay again.

“You look exhausted.” I said as I looked over his appearance. Bags very evident under his bloodshot eyes along with messy hair, and wrinkled clothes, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t still look just as gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry [Y/N].” Jay looked down as I seen water cloud over his eyes.

“Hey, come on it wasn’t your fault I made a bad call I should’ve made sure I had someone watching before I went off.” I said reaching my hand up to his face carefully.

“Not about that, I mean yeah I am sorry about that, but just for everything between us,” he looked at me putting his hand over mine before continuing, “I didn’t think I could ever do it again. I didn’t think I could ever feel this way again. Honestly I didn’t ever want to feel this way again, and it all scared me because what I feel for you is even more intense than what I felt for Erin. I truly didn’t think that would ever be possible, and I know that’s a really cheesy thing to say, but whenever I thought I lost you I’ve never felt so broken in my life. I was so worried and lost. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here, and I’m sorry for what I put you through along the way, but I really do love you [Y/N].” Jay confessed looking me straight in the eyes voice cracking slightly. All of a sudden tears begin to roll down my cheeks as the shock set in that Jay was finally telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. “Oh my gosh no, baby please don’t cry, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I say something? Are you hurt? I mean I know you’re hurt but you know what I mean..” Jay began to panic. Which made me laugh. I wiped my tears away with a huge smile set on my face.

“Well I guess I’m glad to see something came out of me you know being shot and all.” I laughed.

“I am not in the mind set to be messed with right now.” He sighed running a hand down his face when he seen my smile.

“I love you too, Jay” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. “Took you long enough.” I rolled my eyes making him chuckle.

“I think we both need some rest.” He said carefully sliding into bed next to me kissing me again. As we talked before falling asleep next to each other.

[eastasianfeelings]

you make me jealous, baby: Changkyun

— based on Monsta X as jealous boyfriends 

Summary: As a Korean-English interpreter with Monsta X, you’re naturally a bit closer with Changkyun than the rest of the boys. That makes coming out to him an interesting process, to say the least.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: jealousy, coming out as queer, making out

*

You come out to Changkyun in the most incidental way, in pieces.

It happens on Monsta X’s third American tour, the first one that you attend as their official interpreter.

“Thanks very much for the help,” says Ellie, the interviewer in Chicago, as the members and staff file out of the room. She shakes your hand with a wide smile. “This whole process is honestly so much easier with an interpreter.”

“No problem. It’s nice to speak English after so long in Korea,” you admit.

She withdraws her hand and seems to consider what to say next. “If you’re up for speaking more English,” she starts off, “there are a few local places that are part of the K-pop scene, and I always recommend them for anyone who visits the city.”

“Oh, really?” The concept of western spaces dedicated to K-pop is interesting to you.

“I was planning to go out tonight. If you’re free, would you like to come with me?” she asks.

Hm. This sounds kinda like an invitation to go out… Are you reading too much into this?

You decide to check. “Like a date?” You prop up a smile; in the case that she’s straight, you can pretend it’s a joke.

But Ellie doesn’t brush it off. Instead, she ducks her head and smiles wider. “If you want it to be.”

Hot damn. It’s been a long minute since anyone tried to ask you out. You can’t stop your responding smile, even as you say, “Thanks very much for the invitation, but I’m not really a one-night kind of person. I really appreciate it, though.”

Ellie sighs playfully. “The hot ones always say no!”

“Stop, you’ll make me blush,” you say with a laugh.

“I only speak the truth.”

“Jeez…”

The two of you part ways after adding each other on Instagram. At the elevators, you find Changkyun there by himself.

“Changkyun-ssi?” you question. “Were you separated from the others?”

“No, I was waiting for you,” he says, pressing the down button for you.

“Oh. You didn’t have to.”

“I actually wanted to ask about the interview today.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Recently, he’s been coming to you to brush up on his vocabulary, go over previous interviews or learn what the latest internet slang means. It seems to be his way of showing that he’s not trying to put you out of a job when he takes over translating in interviews.

“Well, it’s…” Changkyun looks down, and you’re curious about his hesitation. “It’s a question about what the interviewer said afterward.”

“Don’t worry, you can ask me anything.”

He looks up at you, but his gaze skitters away again. “I heard the word date. When she was speaking to you.”

“Ah. Right.”

As he’s gathering what to say next, the elevator arrives, and both of you step in. He waits for the doors to close before continuing.

“Is there a new way to use that word? Date? In Korean, we use it in terms of dating. But was the interviewer using it differently…?”

“Oh, no,” you reassure him. “She meant it in terms of dating. Well — ” You scrunch up your nose and squint into the distance. “I guess, more in terms of… sexual attraction?” A one-night-stand is not exactly dating. “Anyway, it was that kind of meaning, for sure.”

Changkyun’s silent. You look at him to see his slightly shocked expression, and you realize that whoops, you kinda just came out to him.

“Uh…” You raise your palms in the air, wondering if he’s gonna be okay or not. “Changkyun-ssi?”

“Noona, you — you like women?” His voice is small, scraping on the floor. “You are… lesbian?”

His brain might explode if you tell him you’re bi, so you keep it simple. “I like women, yes,” you say in your calmest tone. “It’s part of who I am.”

At that, he snaps back to life. “Oh, of course! I’m totally fine with that,” he hurriedly reassures you, even if it’s not the most convincing response. “It’s just, I never, I guess I didn’t expect that.”

“Most people in Korea don’t.” You add a smile to soften your blunt statement. “But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go around sharing with everyone.”

“Of course, of course,” he babbles, unable to look you in the eye.

“I just like to be in control of who I tell when.”

“Of course, definitely. I completely understand.”

“Great.”

With perfect timing, the elevator arrives at the ground floor, and Changkyun shoots out like his butt’s on fire.

Welp. There goes your budding friendship with the maknae of Monsta X.

*

You’re not really worried at all about him spilling the beans. He’s not the type, and plus from the way he acted, he probably would prefer just to pretend he’d never heard it at all.

But you can’t say it doesn’t sting a little when he starts minimizing contact with you. He takes the lead in interviews without double-checking with you, he doesn’t come to you for SNS posting advice and he doesn’t have full-on conversations with you in English anymore.

Well, it’s better than losing your job, you remind yourself after a week has passed in this way.

At the next interview in Texas, the interviewer Austin takes an interest in your position as interpreter, which is a change.

“So what made you decide to become a professional interpreter?” he asks after the Monsta X questions have wrapped up. “Did you get into it because you liked K-pop?”

“No, actually,” you reply, keeping an eye on the rest of the crew packing up to make sure you aren’t left behind. “I wanted to return to Korea because that’s where my family is originally from, and since I grew up in Canada, I speak both English and Korean fluently.”

“Ah, so you’re an immigrant,” says Austin with a little too much enthusiasm. “See, I think that’s so fascinating. You’re reconnecting with your ethnic roots and at the same time bridging cultures across the globe! It’s powerful work, you know?”

Aaand this conversation just devolved real quick. “Sure,” you say, deadpan.

“To be honest, I’ve always thought that English teachers in the East Asian countries were doing God’s work,” he continues. “The effort and devotion involved in bringing the western language to the east is just awe-inspiring to me.”

Good lord. “My work isn’t at so grand of a scale,” you say, truthfully. You interpret for a famous K-pop band so they can make sales in foreign markets, and that’s it.

“Oh no.” He reaches out to place his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t undersell yourself. I look up to people like you.”

Before you can brush him off, someone joins your conversation. “Noona? It’s time to go.”

You both look round to see Changkyun. He’s got his blank gaze trained on the interviewer, who’s caught off-guard by the sudden injection of Korean.

But your job is done, you’re not interpreting anymore. “All right, let’s go,” you say to him. “Nice to meet you,” you say in English to the interviewer with a fake smile.

“Uh, nice to meet you too. Oh, by the way, did I get your name?”

Changkyun reaches in with an arm, casually swipes away the interviewer’s hands on you and hovers his hand over the small of your back. “We’re going now,” he says bluntly in English to Austin. “Bye.”

Without even waiting for a response, he uses his whole body to herd you out of the room and into the hallway.

Once again, the two of you are waiting by yourselves for the elevators. You glance at Changkyun, who’s looking away, and sigh internally.

But then he abruptly whirls around, startling you. “Noona. In those situations — can’t you just tell the guy that you like women?”

Um, what?

“Excuse me?” you say, 100% confused.

“In situations like that one.” He waves vaguely down the hall. “Wouldn’t it end quicker if you told him you like women?”

“Wouldn’t what end, exactly?” Your eyebrows are scrunched so far up they feel like they’ll fall off.

Changkyun struggles for a bit, then bursts out, “The flirting. The way he was hitting on you.”

Eh???

Wow, he probably misunderstood that conversation by a thousand and one miles. “Hang on a minute. That man wasn’t flirting with me.”

“He was,” Changkyun insists loudly, then lowers his volume. “I heard what he said.”

“Okay,” you humour him, “but I think you misunderstood what he was saying — ”

“Noona, don’t you think you probably misunderstood?” he cuts in. “Because you’re not attracted to men?”

And there’s the other real misunderstanding. Might as well just clear it up right now.

“Changkyun-ssi,” you say as placatingly as you can, “I am attracted to men.”

He blinks. And blinks and blinks.

“And no, that man was not flirting with me. He was spouting a lot of orientalism crap, actually, and I don’t think that’s ever been considered a flirty subject — ”

“Wait a moment, noona.” He’s staring blankly at the elevator doors, processing.

“Yes?”

“You like men?”

“Yes.”

“But you also like women.”

“Yes. It’s called being bisexual, if you want to be official about it.”

He blinks some more.

Finally, when he turns to look at you, there’s a strange kind of confusion on his face. “You didn’t tell me this.”

You tilt your head. “I told you I like women.”

“But you didn’t say you also like men.”

“I mean.” You shrug, not interested in getting into bisexuality politics at this moment. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”

“But that’s important.”

“Why?”

His jaw works.

“Where is the elevator, anyway…” You turn and see that the button isn’t even pressed. “Oh.”

But when you reach out to press it, Changkyun grabs your hand and says, “Wait.”

You gather your patience and let your hand go limp in his grasp. “What is it, Changkyun-ssi?”

He tugs, and now the two of you are square, face-to-face. “That means…”

You wait.

“That means I can like you.”

…

What?

What?

What?

“You can like me?” you repeat dumbly.

The two of you stare at each other for a long moment.

Slowly, you begin to work your hand out of his grip. “Um.”

“No.” Changkyun tightens his hold and takes your other hand, too. “Noona.” He says the one word, and then starts flushing deeply. 

“Changkyun-ssi…” You try to pull back, but that seems to strengthen his resolve.

“Noona — I like you.”

You gape at him. Like, you physically feel your jaw loosening. What is happening?

“Um — ”

“I do. I like you,” he continues, voice getting huskier. “I like it when you teach me new English words; when we write SNS posts together; when we have really long conversations at night together...”

“Changkyun,” you try again, even though you have no idea what to say.

A scowl starts to darken his face. “But... I really don’t like it when other people hit on you.” He shoots you an accusing look. “I thought I only had to watch out women. But now I have to watch out for men, too.”

“You don’t have to — ”

“I do.” He steps into you, and instinctively you take a step back to preserve the space between your bodies. “Because — ” His face is deep red now, but he gets the words out once more: “Because I like you.”

Okay, what the fuck? What kind of noona romance drama is this? What leading actor is currently playing Im Changkyun and equipping him with all these lethals lines? And why is this hallway so conveniently devoid of people?

Your face is hot, you can’t look him in the eye, and, oh yeah, he’s still holding your hands. You tell yourself not to back up anymore, because that’s how heroines get pinned against walls and kissed.

Not that you would mind.

You wouldn’t mind? 

Since when did you come to the conclusion that you wouldn’t mind kissing Changkyun?

“Noona.” He leans in again, and you barely hold yourself steady. Quietly, he asks, “Do you like me, too?”

Your head is ducked down so far your neck is getting a crick. With effort, you manage, “I don’t… not like you.”

“You — ”

“BUT,” you say hastily, “think this through, Changkyun-ah. You’re an idol. I work with you. I’m older than you. Think about how unrealistic this is.”

He doesn’t respond right away, and when you dare to peek up, his eyes look unfocused.

“Yah. Im Changkyun?”

He meets your gaze as a dopey smile starts to spread across his face. “You called me Changkyun-ah.”

“What? Oh.” That’s what he chooses to focus on? You’d facepalm right now, except he’s still clasping your hands in his.

“Before we talk about all that…” Changkyun leans in far enough that your foreheads brush, and so do your breaths. “Can you tell me that you like me?”

When you struggle to respond, he hurries to add, “Because I know, I know I like you, noona.” Another step in, and now his legs are almost around yours. “You make me jealous, you know that? It’s so stupid. But... I want you to want me.”

His quiet openness shakes you. What are you supposed to be replying to again? Your mind is dazed and dizzied while every sense feels overstimulated: touch, sight, sound, smell… 

“Do you, noona?” he asks, oh so vulnerable.

You look into his eyes. You swallow. You can’t shake your head no.

He whispers: “Can I kiss you?”

Taste.

Slowly, you nod once.

He comes to you breathlessly. There’s heat on your mouth and then there’s him on your mouth, a dry pressure that instantly sweetens when he shifts and angles his head. You close your eyes and automatically tilt your chin into him, not even really conscious of what you’re doing, and oh. Now you feel him across every nerve in your lips. Now there’s the start of a liquid reaction that you haven’t felt for a while, a chemical rush that sweeps you up and takes you away.

Changkyun opens his mouth. The slow pull and rub of his lips against yours draws your tongue instinctively. And nothing is dry anymore, the kiss is all lush sensation and a physical response that nearly bewilders you with the intensity.

His hands have moved to your head and he pulls you to him like the two of you might meld into one if he holds you tight enough. You touch his tongue with yours, repeatedly, and think: Doomed. I’m doomed.

He breaks off the kiss first, using his grip in your hair to gently pry you away. You lift your eyelids and see him staring back at you. Beautiful.

“Noona,” he whispers.

“Uh?”

“I think you like me.”

“Mm,” you manage.

His eyes narrow as he begins to smile. “Noona.”

“What.”

He pulls you firmly into him, into the most romantic hug you’ve ever had, and for a moment you feel tears threaten to emerge.

“Tell me,” he whispers into your hair.

“What?”

“Say you like me.”

You squirm a little. “Do I... have to?”

Changkyun pulls back and looks you sternly in the eye. “Should we kiss again until you’re sure?”

“No! No, no. No need.”

“Then tell me.” He leans in to rest his forehead against yours again.

You feel like shivering at the closeness. “Can you give me time?”

“Time?”

You place a hand on his chest. “If we start a relationship, I want to do it right. It can’t just start like this because you learned I was bi and you were jealous about a male interviewer.”

“What?” Changkyun draws back in affront. “How can you say we’re ‘starting like this’? You don’t even know how long I suffered, being around you all the time, just waiting and waiting for you to pay attention to me — ”

“Okay, okay,” you cut him off, “no need to be dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic!” He grabs your hand again. “Remember our first day in Boston, when you asked that tour guide for directions and he asked for your number in return? I had to tell him to knock it off!”

You frown. “I’m pretty sure he only wanted my number for telemarketing purposes.”

“And what about Portland, that barista wrote his name and a heart on your cup!”

“Uh, more like he just misheard me when I told him my name — ”

With a groan, Changkyun crushes you to him again and squeezes you tight. “You’re so oblivious,” he complains.

“I really don’t think so,” you say, amused. “I think you’re maybe a bit biased.”

He sighs and draws back again. “Because I like you,” he says, so simple and straightforward that you’re blushing and smiling.

He leans in for another kiss, so you quickly apply force to his chest. “Wait. Let’s head back to the company now. Okay? Everyone’s probably wondering where we are. And I want to take care of all the politics before we go any further.”

He looks at you with disappointed puppy dog eyes, and you reach up to pat his cheek. “I’m not saying no, okay? Trust me.”

“Mmph. Okay. Fine.” He loosens his arms, and you already miss the feeling.

When you finally press the button for the elevator, the doors slide open as if the elevator was waiting the whole time. But as you’re about to walk in, a voice calls out to you.

“Hey! You’re still here?”

You pivot on the spot with dread and… yep, there’s good ol’ Austin, walking down the hall toward you.

“Hey there, I.M,” he says to Changkyun, tipping an imaginary hat. Guess that’s what they do here in Texas.

“Hi.”

Austin brushes off that single flat syllable and addresses you. “Glad I caught you. I wanted to ask if you’d like to exchange contact information. I’d love to hear about the work you’re doing with Monsta X within the K-pop industry — did I mention it’s a passion of mine?”

You open your mouth to decline politely, but Changkyun beats you to it. “Sorry, we don’t have time. We have to go, now,” he says in English, and shepherds you into the waiting elevator car.

“Thanks for the interview,” you tack on hastily, to be diplomatic.

Changkyun looks at you. Then he bends down, braces his hands against the wall on either side of you and plants his mouth firmly on yours.

The elevator doors slide closed on Austin’s shocked face.

*

[artificialqueens]

i'll be your biggest fan ( trinity & sasha ) - lily2

[ prompt ] : sasha never thought she would ever get married let alone to her best friend but in the midst of the big day she needs help putting on her dress for the event and she knows exactly who to employ to get the damn thing done.

[ author's note ] : I really love their friendship a lot (and also shea/trinity is a huge brotp of mine) and it's very sweet and so like opposite and I find it so charming, wanted an excuse to write wedding sashea as well !!! I genuinely love trinity and enjoy writing her so so so badly, I'm a proud eastern european girl but I will always appreciate my homestate queen! (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

— *.✧

"What if she doesn't like the dress?"

It was difficult for Sasha to even process the insanity that was about to be her own wedding day, her perfectly manicured hands running through her thick blonde curls. The Russian could barely even get a sentence out without wanting to collapse in fear— perhaps not fear but stress though it all seemed to mesh into one demon that kept clawing at her back, that she wasn't good enough for Shea, for this wedding, that she was still scared of the commitment that was about to come.

The issue was not if she was to be devoted to Shea Couleé, the one woman she knew almost instantaneously as her soulmate, her partner, her best friend all these years later.

It was clear the minute they exchanged looks and Shea leaned against the bar, a track from Donna Summer blasting from the stage, Sasha leaning deeper and deeper entranced by her beauty, intelligence, everything. Well rounded and active in her community back in her hometown of Chicago, something the blonde could definitely appreciate considering her own background in both St. Petersburg and Chicago.

"I really should've consulted her, I'm all about fashion but this isn't exactly what you would call my alley way!"

An irrepressible thumping of her heart as Trinity brushed the corners of her hair, putting a box down in Sasha's lap before groaning aloud, the southern girl never shy to share aloud her opinions and thoughts even when not provoked to.

"Sasha Velour, I know damn well you are not trying to talk your mind into stress on your wedding day!" A hair brush in her left hand as she tossed her perfectly sprayed and shortned hair, "Three things in life are absolutely positive: I'm gorgeous, taxes and Shea Couleé being in love with you." The words spitting out her lips before she finished up styling her best friend's hair.

The bride-to-be couldn't help but giggle at the sentiment, it was true, all three facets.

Trinity Taylor was truly a gem on earth, you'd never meet someone with the ability to talk your ear off while almost simultaneously digging a grave for you in Dante's layers of hell. A true southern girl, a beauty queen since high school, everything seemed so perfectly aligned and expected of the Orlando native.

Who needs a degree in economics! Especially when you can just be as gorgeous as I am?

However, expectations aren't always necessarily the reality. Trinity met Sasha, at a bar nonetheless due to a mutual friend and unprovoked, inspired by Sasha's work and ethic as a writer and designer, decided to finally go to college after dropping out her first year after high school. Majoring in business, still a pageant queen at her core and getting a minor in fashion retail as well.

"I'm still surprised you picked me for your maid of honor, if I can be completely honest with you." A smile gently forming across the corners of her lips as she spoke to the girl who was still in her robe, Trinity beginning to put some finishing touches. Sasha's brow immediately cocked and she practically grasped her entire desk.

"What do you mean? We've been close for years! We studied together, I helped you with exams, you introduced me to Shea! Don't be so hard on yourself." The twinge of her still softly reminding Russian accent came out hardest when she was angry or spewing up words, no time to breathe in between sentences.

"Hey! Don't get sappy on me bitch, I have so much makeup on I think our local Sephora might have run out of business." Her hands gently beginning to weave flowers through her hair, taking in a deep breath, learning to be silent and dabbing her puffy eyes when the Russian wasn't looking and closed her eyes, it was awfully emotional.

"You still have to put me in my dress, we have about an hour!" She warned gently, rubbing Sasha's shoulders as the thought begun to truly sink into her memory.

She was going to put Sasha into her dress.

Tears seemed to collect in the corner of her eyes but she brushed them aside, staying strong for the Russian who deserved today: to have met someone as fashionable and sweet as herself though Shea was definitely the best care she had with her isolation of family, it was very heartwarming and bittersweet to the girl who came to the states with nothing but her phone, some sketchbooks and a camera.

Sasha would not budge on her artistic roots and demanded that flowers be in her hair someway, somehow, scattered. At first the brunette could barely stand it, almost bitterly spitting that Farrah could do it instead, hating the idea.

Her intuition however was once again, as if it was a surprise, correct. The illusion was everything, as if she was some sort of gorgeous mythological creature, it was very on brand for her and her own creative processes.

"Told you it would look good."

"Well, sometimes I'm wrong, we ain't perfect but I'm pretty damn close honey."

Flowers intricately being placed in her hair as they spoke with tender laughter, "You know, this entire look, I commissioned the dress and made all the other pieces so I look like Lada, she's a Slavic goddess." Trinity wasn't surprised that she was including her culture in little ways, speckled into her wedding especially being away from Russia.

"Oh really?"

A hint of disbelief in her tone but Trinity knew her best friend well enough to realize her passion for her culture, she kept all her Russian zazz and was delighted to meet Katya, someone to finally share an outlet with, comfortably speak Russian with without feeling targeted or stared at with distrust.

"Yes, a bit of a tribute. Also, my favorite outfit Shea ever wore was this lavender, tulle dress during our fifth year anniversary, it had white flowers in the fabric and I wanted a piece of her in my dress." Her cheeks gently flushing, talking about her (almost official) wife with nothing but devotion and pride.

"That's so fucking cute I wanna throw up."

They laughed and held eachother's hands, embracing in the moment before the robe came off, Sasha sucking in a breath as Trinity unzipped the dress from it's black bag that had been delivered via Bianca and gently held it her hands, being sure to look where she stepped as the dress seeped out of her hands with petals and flowers embleshed adorning every corner of the dress.

It was a nice surprise and breach from Sasha's usual eclectic style that almost always had a paint stain or three, she had her brand down and Trinity could appreciate how confident and how out of the box, creative she was however it definitely made her inner, nostalgic heart smile at the sight of a dress so long it hits the floor on both sides.

"This is really beautiful Sash."

Trinity could only unzip the back of the dress, so beautifully crafted and designed as Sasha was left standing to turn and gently put her legs through the hole of the dress, getting stuck for just a second, careful with her hair knowing Trinity was definitely her smarter half in this situation considering the blonde was simply about to pull it over her head, ruining her styled hair.

"Oh God..." A grumble from Trinity's lips as she zipped her up, it felt almost wrong. This was usually a mother's duty, a family item, the entire process of dressing and making over the bride, no matter how traditional it sounded to anyone else, they know deep in their hearts they were sisters but not having your blood family must sting, especially at a wedding.

It felt strangely therapeutic to tie and zip her into her own wedding dress, she wasn't complaining in the slightest even if the heat from the mirror made her perfectly applied foundation melt and stick just a bit more, she was completely focused on one thing: making sure her best friend was ready and didn't have to do it alone.

Galvanized, Sasha seemed to hold her breath not fully understanding yet that she and Shea would soon be married and finally tie the knot, years of friendship and dating and it had finally happened with absolutely no hesitation from Sasha who screamed "yes!" in just about every language she could speak or name. Trinity touched her back, making sure she was fully snug into her dress before touching her shoulders in comfort, stifling back a laugh.

"Fucking Christ I feel so hideious!" She cried out, hiding her tears with a smirk that spanned across her entire face, unable to erase it as Sasha opened her eyes and seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds, truly taking in the details of the dress and adjusting her bra just a bit before choking up, Trinity quickly intervened, "You better not cry off your mug! I worked hard." The two staring side by side at Sasha together, "My favorite married couple." She sighed as she held hands with the Russian girl who happily was adjusting to the new word: married.

"You can cry once you get down the alter girl, we better get into our shoes because I can already feel us behind schedule, Katya's angry fingers typing away at us to hurry up."

The blonde nodded but not before squeezing Trinity's hand, a silent "thank you" mouthed as she begun to look around for her pair of shoes, her head wondering off to many different places at the same exact time.

"Anytime, any day you need me, I'm here." Her word's crisp as she strapped on her heels, matching her floral wedding extravaganza with a lavendar tulle dress, breaking down her wall a bit and even having shoes with some flowers done in colorful embroidery, Sasha claimed it was a very popular thing in Eastern Europe, that it adorned all their clothing.

"I know, always, when you finally have the confidence to ask out a certain someone especially." The wiggle of her eyes reminding Trinity brutually of her own, suprisingly awkward struggles with love, "Oh you shady!" She gasped, covering her mouth gently and almost hitting her with her bouquet of flowers.

"I'm just saying I see you getting side glances all the time from her."

"Let's not talk about this on your own damn day! Another time."

So they interlocked arms and did one final mirror take, finding it hard they went from senior year of high school, a nervous and introverted Russian girl with a thick accent and passion for fashion shows and politics best friends with the beauty queen, the secretly witty and hilariously instinctive southern belle.

"Let's go bitch, I know well time is a racing!" She yelped as they skipped out the door in excitement though Trinity was attempting to be careful with all the dress material that was sliding across the floors they walked upon, making sure she grabbed Sasha's own flower bouquet filled with Camomile (only fitting to be the national flower of Russia) and odd numbered as she requested.

Hand in hand they walked, unafraid of what was in store and for the future, just as the stories went.

"Well, let's do this."

[darkness-in-the-stars-blog1]

Took You Long Enough

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood and shootings a few swear words too

It had been almost a year since I was transferred to intelligence. Which also meant it had been almost a year since Erin Lindsay had left for New York. Voight partnered me with Dectective Jay Halstead taking over Erin’s place, and I knew the first day I walked into intelligence I was in trouble. As cheesy as it sounds those green-blue eyes and wide smile made me weak at the knees. As much as I hated to admit it, it didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on Jay, one that I would hide for as long as I could. Unfortunately for me Jay was broken. Erin had left him in pieces and he wasn’t ready to be put back together. So it wasn’t exactly easy to be his new partner at first, but as time went by he learned to open up again, and we quickly became a dynamic duo. However this also meant it was becoming increasingly harder to keep a professional outlook on things when it came to Jay. I understood no matter what we had to keep things professional at work, and I knew I wouldn’t let it affect our job regardless, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling being with him day in and day out hiding my true feelings. One drunken night about 4 months after I came to Intelligence Jay made a move which led to us hooking up. Later that same night still in my drunk state I had stupidly let my feelings slip, but Jay made it clear he wasn’t ready. In all honesty I didn’t know if he would ever be ready, but you better believe that didn’t stop him from reaming Adam a new one when he made a move on me. Acting as though I was his. Even though all we were and probably ever would be was friends with benefits or partners with benefits if you will. You also better believe that didn’t stop the drunk hookups we had after each tough case, or in all reality after pretty much any case. Which I put a stop to recently. My feelings were becoming too strong and I was quickly starting to drown in the bliss that was Jay Halstead. Although this made it awkward at first we had learned to work through it pushing any and all tension to the back of our minds acting as though it wasn’t obvious. Even though nobody in the unit had said anything I had quite the feeling they all knew. Except Kim of course. She quickly became my best friend in the unit. We clicked right off the bat, and she was well aware of my situation.

But on this particular night I was beginning to regret my decision. We were working on a particularly tough case this week, and Jay knew it was starting to take a toll on me. And sadly the more I drank the more I was reminded that I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, the safest place I’ve ever had the pleasure of being. I was trying to keep my conscience in check reminding myself that those moments meant everything to me, and nothing to him. Feeling the sting throughout my body every time I repeated that in my head. After almost calling him myself I decided I needed to go to bed before I made any mistakes. As I shut the TV off, and walked to the fridge to get a water I heard a knock on my door. Looking at the clock on my stove I realized it was already 1 o’clock in the morning, and knew there could only be one person standing at the other side of that door. Feeling my heart start to beat slightly faster than before I took a deep breath before opening the door. There he was standing in my door way hands stuffed in his pockets, hair slightly messy, looking down at the floor. I ushered him inside closing the door as he took off his coat.

“Jay I can’t. We talked about this.” I said not looking at him knowing if I did I was going to break.

“I’m not here for sex [Y/N].” He sighed before continuing, “it’s just I couldn’t sleep..” he trailed off before finishing.

“Okay.. and? You want me to keep you company? You could’ve just FaceTimed me or something.” I asked confused as to what he was getting.

“I was just wondering if maybe I could sleep here..” He said shifting from one foot to the other.

“So, you want to sleep in my bed? I mean yeah I guess that’s fine. I mean if it’s really that big of a deal we could just like switch beds yours is comfy too.” I laughed. “But yeah you know where everything is.” I said as I started to make a bed on the couch.

“[Y/N]...” he gulped looking at me.

“Hmm?” I asked looking at him.

“I understand if you say no, but it’s just that I haven’t slept good in weeks as in like the last time I stayed here and we... like.. yeah.. and it’s just that I’m exhausted, and was hoping maybe I could sleep with you? Like actually sleep I mean..” he blushed looking down at the floor again. I had never seen him this shy and it was easily making my heart race. Without thinking I quickly nodded my head yes walking off towards my room. I didn’t turn around knowing full well that Jay was following me. Once we got to the room we began to strip getting ready for bed. Jay slipped off his shirt and jeans laying them on the dresser before crawling into my bed. I graciously watched without making it obvious loving every second. Feeling my skin get hot at the same time. I began to strip down to my bra and panties. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jay staring.

“Could you like not watch me?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Jay shrugged winking at me and licking his lips. Making me weak at the knees, but slightly angry at the same time knowing how easily he could influence me. Once I was undressed I took Jay’s shirt off the dresser slipping it on I walked towards the bed to see him smirking at me.

“What?” I asked slightly annoyed at his confidence.

“You know what.” He smiled bigger at me.

“It’s more comfortable than mine.” I rolled my eyes climbing into bed. Although that was true it was only half the truth. As stupid as it sounds there was something even more comforting about having his shirt on and scent even closer to me that made me sleep better. I snuggled into him without thinking as he wrapped his arm around me. We laid there in silence for a little. As I was starting to sober up I wondered if this was the best decision. Feeling a mix of emotions swirl in my stomach. Feeling once again like I was being pulled in different directions with him. I understood that he was still getting over Erin, and I knew he wasn’t trying to play me in anyway, but that didn’t make anything easier. I felt like I was a teenager again trying to get her crush to notice her, and that made me even more mad at the situation. There was too many variables involved and it was just getting increasingly harder. I knew sooner rather than later he had to make up his mind.

“Jay.. I don’t think you realize how hard this is for me..” I began to give him my speech before I was interrupted by his slight snoring. I sighed laying my head back down on his chest. Falling asleep to the beating of his heart. The next morning we were awoken by my alarm going off. I reached over to turn it off as Jay loudly groaned next to me.

“What time is it?” He asked hand covering his eyes.

“5:45.” I answered rolling away from him sitting on the edge of my bed very much so regretting the coldness that overwhelmed me now.

“We don’t even have to be at the district until 7:30 why in the hell are you waking up now.” He rolled over trying to pull me back down to him.

“Go back to sleep I’ll wake you up once I’m done getting ready.” I leaned down kissing his shoulder before heading off to the shower. Once I was done getting ready I woke Jay up, and rushed him out the door. We got in our separate cars heading off to work. “Morning Sarge.” I nodded at Platt before unlocking the gate and heading upstairs Jay following behind me. After everyone was there Voight began to go over the case again trying to piece any new leads together.

“We have to be missing something.” Adam said tapping his pen on his desk.

“Well the longer we sit here the bigger chance we have of these girls dying so dig deeper.” Voight answered harshly. After what felt like forever we finally got a break in the case and were now on our way to catch the guys in an abandoned building where they were apparently keeping the few girls hostage.

“Thanks for letting me stay last night, I really needed that.” Jay said trying to fill the awkward silence that was present in the truck.

“Yep, no problem.” I answered calmly, but could hear the shakiness in my voice and turned away from him.

“Hey, look at me.” Jay said concern on his face glancing over at me.

“Let’s just focus on the case for right now.” I sighed leaning back in my seat preparing myself for anything we may encounter. Once arriving at the scene we all surrounded the building waiting for Voight to give us the cue.

“Chicago PD! Put your hands up!” Voight screamed after Atwater busted in the door. Once entering the suspects quickly retreated not taking long to begin firing weapons at us. As I rounded a corner I seen the girls huddled underneath a stairwell handcuffed to the wall. They looked terrified, but relief was covering their exhausted and bloody/bruised faces at the same time. Thinking I had enough cover I ran towards the girls, but quickly fell to the ground when I felt an emense pain in my abdomen. I screamed out once I hit the concrete floor.

“Ruzek cover me!” Jay screamed before kneeling down beside me quickly ripping at my clothes. “50-21 I got an officer down! Multiple shots fired at police. Roll an ambo to our location now!” Jay screamed into his radio while trying to apply pressure to my side.

“Jay what happened?” I asked adrenaline still running through my body.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, [Y/N], just keep talking to me.” Jay tried to say calmly, but I could see the worry obvious in his face as well as hear it in his voice. “Come on keep looking at me, don’t you dare close your eyes, [Y/L/N].” Jay grabbed my face as I began to feel my eyes getting heavier by the second. Quickly I began to feel the darkness overtake me hearing shots surround me in the background as well as Jay screaming my name.

~Jay’s POV~

I paced in the waiting room feeling sick to my stomach. Everyone was seated around me trying to keep me off edge. Luckily for us we took down the suspects, and saved all the victims they had raped and tortured. At this moment though, that fact made me feel absolutely no better. There was so much blood, and as much as I trusted the doctors at Med with my life I didn’t know if they could do the saving this time. It didn’t help that it had been what felt like days since she was brought in.

“Jay come on man you have to sit down.” Adam patted my back leading me towards a chair. The tension was so thick in the room I was finding it hard to breathe.

“No, I need to go get a drink. I’ll be back.” I shrugged Adam off walking towards the hall where the vending machines were. Once I was by myself it was like my legs had stopped working giving in on me. I punched the wall before sliding down it head falling into my hands. As much as I tried to hold them back the tears began to run down my face. I was too emerged in my thoughts to hear footsteps walking towards me. I jumped once I felt an arm being wrapped around me. I glanced up to see it was Kim. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” I cried.

“She understands Jay.” Kim sighed rubbing her hand up and down his back.

“No, I was playing her. Even though that wasn’t my intention I was, and I was too wrapped up in myself to even think about how I was making her feel.” I sighed feeling more tears run down my face. I have always had a hard time being vulnerable, but honestly at this point I had nothing to lose all I was concerned about was [Y/N].

“She didn’t see it like that Jay.” Kim replied turning herself towards me trying to look at me.

“What if I never get to tell her Kim.” I looked up at her.

~[Y/N]’s POV~

I woke up to what sounded like beeping surrounding me. I quickly opened my eyes, but just as quickly shut them again regretting that decision as the lights blinded me. I felt pain radiating through my body and I tried to groan, but no sound came out. I also felt someone holding my hand, and tried to squeeze it. I knew it had worked when the grip tightened around my hand. After a few minutes of laying there trying to gather my thoughts I slowly opened my eyes blinking quickly as I tried to adjust to the bright light. I groaned again this time hearing the sound successfully come out. I turned my head to see who was sitting beside me. I was welcomed with the sight of Jay looking alert, but also completely exhausted at the same time staring back at me.

“Water.” I croaked out hearing my voice adjust to the dryness that filled my throat. Jay quickly jumped up fetching me a small cup, and laid it to my lips slowly dumping it into my mouth. “Thanks.” I smiled at him as he sat back down next to me. It was then that I realized I was in the hospital, an IV in my hand, and gauze completely covering my abdomen. I tried to readjust myself, but wined whenever I felt sharp pains shoot through me.

“Stay still.” Jay scolded me reaching up to brush my hair back from my face.

“What happened?” I asked. Jay sighed giving me a brief of the events holding tighter onto my hand. His voice shook as he retold the story.

“I’m going to go get Connor, and let him know you’re awake.” Jay stood up kissing my forehead before I watched him walk out. Not long after Dr. Rhodes came into my room to check my vitals explaining my injuries, and what he did to fix them. I was then left alone with Jay again.

“You look exhausted.” I said as I looked over his appearance. Bags very evident under his bloodshot eyes along with messy hair, and wrinkled clothes, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t still look just as gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry [Y/N].” Jay looked down as I seen water cloud over his eyes.

“Hey, come on it wasn’t your fault I made a bad call I should’ve made sure I had someone watching before I went off.” I said reaching my hand up to his face carefully.

“Not about that, I mean yeah I am sorry about that, but just for everything between us,” he looked at me putting his hand over mine before continuing, “I didn’t think I could ever do it again. I didn’t think I could ever feel this way again. Honestly I didn’t ever want to feel this way again, and it all scared me because what I feel for you is even more intense than what I felt for Erin. I truly didn’t think that would ever be possible, and I know that’s a really cheesy thing to say, but whenever I thought I lost you I’ve never felt so broken in my life. I was so worried and lost. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here, and I’m sorry for what I put you through along the way, but I really do love you [Y/N].” Jay confessed looking me straight in the eyes voice cracking slightly. All of a sudden tears begin to roll down my cheeks as the shock set in that Jay was finally telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. “Oh my gosh no, baby please don’t cry, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I say something? Are you hurt? I mean I know you’re hurt but you know what I mean..” Jay began to panic. Which made me laugh. I wiped my tears away with a huge smile set on my face.

“Well I guess I’m glad to see something came out of me you know being shot and all.” I laughed.

“I am not in the mind set to be messed with right now.” He sighed running a hand down his face when he seen my smile.

“I love you too, Jay” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. “Took you long enough.” I rolled my eyes making him chuckle.

“I think we both need some rest.” He said carefully sliding into bed next to me kissing me again. As we talked before falling asleep next to each other.

[jessisreadingblog-blog]

Pet Sematary (1989) - movie review

This week I finished re-reading “Pet Sematary” and right afterwards I re-watched the 1989 movie.

The book review is already up and, as promised, here’s the movie review!

Please be aware that this review is FULL of spoilers for both the book and the movie – you’ve been warned 😉

 Main differences between the book and the movie

After the Creeds’ arrival in Ludlow´, Gage gets stung by a bee in the book, which leads to the introduction of Jud, who pulls out the bee sting. The movie is a bit more dramatic and foreshadowing. While Ellie has her little accident with the tire swing, everyone is focused on her and Gage walks to the road and almost gets hit by a truck but is saved by Jud. This is not a bad change at all. However, what I found a little weird is Rachel’s reaction. Yes, she’s relieved and thanks Jud, but if this had been my kid, I would have been a lot shakier afterwards, especially after being on the edge already after the long drive and Ellie falling off the swing … Considering how Rachel usually reacts to the potential of someone dying, this came across as a little weird. 

Norma, Jud’s wife, is not in the movie. Instead they kill off Missy Dandridge, who’s a completely different character than the kind lady who watches the kids sometimes and is very much alive in the end of the book. In the movie she doesn’t die of a heart attack, like Norma, but, believing she has cancer, she hangs herself.  That’s an acceptable change, too. In the movie they only have so much time, so it’s ok to leave out Norma’s storyline, although I’m sure that no one really cares about Missy’s death as I cared about Norma’s death in the book. She’s not really likeable, which is a pity. They could have made her just a little nicer, interact with the kids once or twice, to make people actually care before killing her.

It’s not dark when Jud finds Church dead and it’s still day when they head for the Micmac burial ground. I first thought this was a bad idea – it’s much less creepy – but I guess it was done because it made the next time, when Louis brings Gage there, more effective. I still don’t really like it, this scene had much more potential. For me Louis’ two walks to the burial ground were by far the creepiest scenes in the book. The wild, hysterical laugh of the Wendigo never fails to make me shudder, no matter how often I read this book. In the movie there are just some weird sounds that could probably really be birds.

Speaking of the Wendigo: There’s no Wendigo in the movie! In fact, there’s no background story to the burial ground at all. We only know that “the ground went sour”, for whatever reason.  I would have liked the background story and the menacing presence of the Wendigo.

The cairns on the burial ground don’t look like someone dug himself out as they are described in the book.

When Church comes back, he’s more aggressive than in the book. I have no idea why Louis lets this thing anywhere near his kids. At the same time, he isn’t at all clumsier or dumber like he is in the book, but it’s difficult to have a cat act like that so I get it.  

The same goes for Spot, Jud’s dog. When Jud tells Louis about him in the book, he says that Spot always remained a good dog. When he came back from the dead and scared Jud’s mother it was just by standing there and cornering her, by accident or on purpose.

In the movie he growls at her – and again, I have no idea why they kept that thing until he died of old age. And if the dog was so aggressive, why in the world would Jud tell Louis to bury his cat there, knowing there are two small children in the household? Even the dark power of the burial ground couldn’t convince me that that’s a good idea.  

The story about Timmy Baterman, the young man who died in WWII was brought back to life by his father when Jud was still a young man, is far creepier in the book. In the movie he’s just this savage, dumbed down version of a human, kind of like a zombie. He even chews on a little girl’s leg! By the way: I’m so confused about that! Did he dig it out of a grave or did he kill the girl to get it? And if it’s the latter – why doesn’t Jud mention that he didn’t just walk creepily back and forth in their town, scaring housewives, but also stole and ate little girls? Anyway, in the book he’s malicious and knows the darkest secrets about everyone, playing mind games with Jud and his friends, and Jud uses the word “demon” to describe him.  

Timmy’s end is also very different. In the movie the men from the town set the house on fire with Timmy and his father in it. Bill, the father, tries to get himself and Timmy out, but Timmy drags them both into the flames, which makes it seem like he himself prefers death.  In the book it’s Bill himself who kills Timmy, sets the house with both of them in on fire and then shoots himself. That solution is far better. The book tries to give the girl-eating, housewife-scaring zombie thing without the demon vibe a tragic touch. Of course that tragic touch is also there in the book but the demon, or whatever it is in Timmy’s body, doesn’t commit suicide.

After Gage’s death, the movie version of Louis goes to the cemetery by bright daylight and stores his grave robbery equipment there. Isn’t that a bit risky? The place must have great power indeed to back up so much stupidity.

In the book Louis only sees Pascow once after his death, namely in his “dream” from which he wakes up with dirty feet (in the book he reacts to that far more strongly, which I missed a bit in the movie). Later, after Gage’s death, only Ellie sees him in her dreams. In the movie Rachel feels his presence, too, as he’s trying to make her go home and get there more quickly, so she’s potentially able to help Louis. Not the best idea from the beyond as it turns out, and in the end it makes Ellie an orphan, but nobody’s perfect, not even the helpful spirits.  

When Gage comes back, he’s different in the movie than he is in the book. Thankfully, he’s not like the movie version of Timmy Baterman but the mind games are fare more harmless, which is again due to the age of the young actor and understandable.

In the book, a moment before his death, Gage is himself once more, calling out to Louis with the word “Daddy”, which literally made me cry. In the movie he walks away from Louis, looking like a sulking kid (which isn’t bad either) and says “Not fair”, and before he dies, he growls again, showing that he’s not at all himself. For me that’s not nearly as intense but it doesn’t ruin anything.

When Louis carries Rachel away from Jud’s house and towards the woods, he again encounters Pascow, who tries to talk sense into him one last time. In the book it’s Louis’ colleague and friend who finds him, but he doesn’t play any role in the movie, so it makes sense that he doesn’t show up there.

What I liked

The actors are great, especially Jud. He’s exactly like I always picture him reading the book. Gage and Ellie are adorable, which makes Gage’s death and Ellie’s mourning and fear for her father even more intense. Dale Midkiff (Louis) may not be the best actor int he world but he’s not as bad as some say.

The music is perfect and positively creepy. The movie relies mostly on atmosphere and slow build-up.

Zelda! Everything about her is perfect and so scary! Fun fact: She’s played by a man because they couldn’t find a woman who was skinny enough and could still be scary.

The scene of Church coming back is great, with the remains of the plastic bag, in which he was buried, still in his whiskers, just like in the book, and him indeed looking more menacing at Louis than before his death.  

I loved the Stephen King cameo – he’s playing the priest at Missy’s funeral.

At Missy’s funeral Ellie is wearing the marine blue dress she wore at Norma’s in the book; that’s just one of the nice little details they adapted from the book – there are many more.

I very much like how Pascow keeps interfering. He replaces Rachel’s inner struggle in Chicago and on her way home which we wouldn’t be able to see otherwise in the movie.

The second time Louis goes up to the burial ground is well done, with the blue fog and the noises and all. At least up to a certain point which is mentioned in the “What I didn’t like” section.

Gage killing Jud is well-done, even if it’s different from the book.

Except for Pascow following and helping her, Rachel’s way home is faithful to the book. Even the way she meets Gage and her untimely demise is quite faithful, with her first seeing Zelda and all. BUT if a small kid runs towards you with a scalpel openly in hand, no matter if he came back from the dead or not, the first think I would do is take the scalpel out of his hand. In the books he makes the effort of hiding it behind his back. Still, it’s a very good scene.

Gage calling Louis at home, making him realise that he killed Jud and Rachel.

Louis killing Church again is also well-done, and so is Louis killing Gage – this bone chilling little boy’s cry when Louis sticks the needle in his throat is so hard to bear. Just one thing (and I’m really nit-picking now, which is why this is not going to the “What I didn’t like” section): Why is Louis wearing medical gloves when he kills Church? Aren’t we beyond the point of caring about things like that? Also: He doesn’t wear gloves when he kills Gage.

Louis bringing Rachel to the burial ground and waiting for her and her coming back. It’s mostly well done.  

What I didn’t like

This is a minor complaint, but the scenes with Pascow can become a little cheesy at times. At the end of Louis’ “dream” he didn’t have to float away, they could have just zoomed in on Louis and let him wake up. The last scene with Pascow and Rachel was even worse. You know, when she gets out of the truck and he just closes the door and decides to stick with the trucker (why can he do that and most of all – why doesn’t anyone notice?).

Why are there stupid-looking kids standing around in Rachel’s house when she runs down the stairs after Zelda’s death? Can anyone explain that to me? I never understood that. I mean, she was alone with her sister when she died, she says that to Louis, in the book and in the movie. I don’t know about you but creepy neighbourhood kids have no way of entering my home without permission.

Another thing involving Pascow: Before he dies, he says that the soil in a man’s heart is stonier; later Jud repeats that sentence and when Louis is shocked about that we see a flashback to Pascow to remind us that he said it before. I don’t like it when a movie takes me for a fool, I’m perfectly capable of making the connection myself and don’t need cheap tricks like two-second-flashback for that, thank you very much.

When Louis climbs up to the burial ground with Gage in his arms, a jump-scare-face suddenly rushes towards him out of nowhere. Why would the face of a regular guy rush towards him? Is that Jud? Even with the screenshot I’m not sure but I’m starting to think it’s Jud (which never occurred to me in during the scene because it’s so fast). But it doesn’t matter because that would make even less sense. In the book the Wendigo comes so close to him and it’s such a scary scene and yes, he does see a face, but that of a spirit, demon or whatever, not that of a face coming out of nowhere just to make us jump and to look stupid. If they left out the Wendigo, they could have left out that s***, too.

The Gage puppet/doll/whatever this thing is! I get that you can’t make a little child act in scenes like the ones in towards the end, but the puppet thing is just so ridiculous! It always makes me think of Chucky and this is when I can’t take it seriously anymore and everything that might be creepy about a scene is completely ruined. And how did Chucky … I mean Gage … get Rachel’s corpse to the attic to drop it in front of Louis? He might be undead, but he’s still tiny!

Louis waiting for Rachel. Yes, I know, this is in the “What I liked” section, too, but it deserves to be in both. I mean – Louis is setting the alarm clock and right when it rings, Rachel comes back. Really? Has he become such an expert in raising the dead that he knows the exact time they will reappear? He didn’t even see when exactly Church and Gage came back.

Also, his hands are perfectly intact. Like in the book, he brings Rachel to the burial ground without any shovel or whatever to help him dig, so he does it with his bare hands. In the books his hands are ruined, which makes sense, in the movie they’re perfectly fine, which doesn’t make sense. Otherwise, the scene is good!  I didn’t even notice the thing with his hands before I read the novel, by then I had seen the movie twice.  

Is it a faithful adaptation?

Yes, definitely.

Even in very first scene, while the camera slowly moves through the pet cemetery, there’s a voice-over of some of the kids who buried their pets there, reading the inscriptions on the grave markers, which are exactly the same as the ones in the book.

A lot of the dialogue is the same as in the book, word by word.

The story, despite a few changes of which some where necessary because it is a different medium, is mainly the same.

The main characters are very true to their book counterparts, there are so many small details you will notice that are exactly the same in the book.

Is it a good movie?

I think it is. It has a creepy atmosphere, does not rely entirely on jump scares, as so many modern horror movies do, and the soundtrack is perfect! It has its flaws, some scenes have not aged well, but it’s still a very good, atmospheric horror movie and a mostly faithful adaptation to the source material.

The new movie

I am so hyped! Yes, I know the movie won’t be as faithful to the novel as the first one but we already have a faithful adaptation and in some scenes (GAGE PUPPET!) it didn’t work out.

I don’t want the kid to be replaced with a puppet or CGI effects – so it’s such a good thing that Ellie is the one who dies and comes back because the actress playing her will be old enough to do so convincingly. Gage is a good choice for the book and Ellie is a good choice for the movie.

There will be other changes so that even long-term fans like me will be surprised here and there. I will tell you what I think about these changes when I actually saw the movie because right now the only big change we know about for sure is that Rachel will be at home when Ellie comes back, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, the whole to Chicago and back again journey does take a lot of time.

What I also like is that the actress playing Zelda will be younger. In the first movie she’s an adult or almost an adult, in the book she’s only two years older than Rachel, which makes her 10 and therefore the whole story is even more terrifying and tragic. I can’t wait to see how that turns out!

I’m also so happy that the Wendigo will be addressed and I’m really looking forward to see how exactly that will be done.

Long story short: I can’t wait for the movie to come out and I’m not mad about the changes so far!

[preternatural-fools]

Playing Cards

I had to do it to ‘em 🤝

Welcome to Tarot!Vamp!Tae ft. brief history; aka—I couldn’t resist (aka pt.2; I had so much homework and I was doing everything to avoid it.) Also I’m feeding into my own desires because why not indulge fully? This was quickly written but miley wuz good.

Warnings: Strong language(?), Magical themes, mentions of death

Word Count: 2.2k lmao I said ‘short’ drabbles.

Theme: Supernatural!BTS, Vampire!Tae.

Vamp!Tae Drabble: 2 of ?

A/N: this takes place in and around the supernatural!au.

A/N: Link to Part 1 in the main introduction series, which has the links to the rest of the series as well. It’s better to read them all in order to understand what’s going on to help you understand what’s going on here.)

[Chicago, 1927.]

“And you learned to do this where?” The woman sitting to his left asked. “In London, a while back,” Tae’s lips curled at the corners as he shuffled the deck of tarot cards in his hands. “And how exactly does it work?” She leans in closer to watch as Tae spreads the cards out along the table in an arch. Tae inhaled through his nose as he ran his fingers along the backs of the cards, breathing in the scent of her perfume and the rush of red beneath her skin.

A knowing smile accompanied his words, “You ask a question, I ask the cards, and the cards provide an answer.” “I heard it’s all fake!” The woman gives a teasing smile, and Tae raises an eyebrow at her, “Then ask a question, and we will see…” Though he could already guess what her question would be—they all asked something similar.

“Hmm…” The woman shifts to lean on Tae as she thinks, reaching out to run her fingers down his arm, “Ask them about my love life.” She coos, resting her chin on Tae’s shoulder, and he grins to himself—receiving exactly what he was expecting.

“Anything you’re expecting to hear?” He asks, raising an eyebrow as he mindlessly glides his fingers over the cards. “We’ll see,” She grins.

He clears his throat, bringing his attention to the cards spread over the table, “What should Ally know about her love life?” He repeats the question a second time before one pulls, and he slips it from the spread and flips it over to look at it. He swallowed upon seeing the face, betrayal, “Ten of Swords,” He said, switching to a smile; he had worked with this deck for a long time and became quite familiar with the cards. “That doesn’t look…good,” Ally says as she looks at the card; the face of the card depicting a man lying face down on the ground with ten swords sticking out of his back. “Well, it depends on the context,” He said, and that was true, “In this instance, it doesn’t mean anything bad,” He added, and the lie tasted strange on his tongue. She wouldn’t like the truth.

“It indicates that the end of a painful cycle is approaching—so you’ll find the love of your life soon enough,” He teases, slipping the card back into the arch.

Ignorance is bliss.

[London, 1846.]

“And you think you can teach me this?” Tae asks, tilting his head to the side as he stares at the young woman; her face illuminated by an oil lamp as they sat on the floor of the parlor. “Yes, I might not be able to read you, but certainly you can read.” She spoke in a whisper, a faint smile on her lips as she pulled a silk pouch from the pocket of her nightgown. Tae watches her fondly as she sets the deck on the ground, washing the cards before gathering them in a pile and shuffling them by hand.

She spreads them out in two rows and then sits back on her heels, a sigh leaving her lips as she looks down at the spread, “Okay, now, when it comes to asking question—use the person’s name when asking, let the cards know you are asking about someone else.” Tae nods, he knows this, he has observed her do readings many times now.

“I’ll read you then,” Tae grins as he shifts to sit next to her, facing the spread along the floor. “Me?” She breathed, “I’ve never had anyone else read for me.” “Then I will be the first, and you’ll tell me if it’s right,” He smiled as he spoke, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Pay attention to the cards!” She says, but she smiles at the action. “The cards, yes,” Tae turns his attention to the cards, reaching both hands out to hover them over the spread. “Not like that, that’s unnatural looking, be relaxed—run your fingers over the back like this, softly, to not disturb the spread.” She instructs, demonstrating the action and Tae follows.

“Ask them something I know the answer to…” She trails off as she thinks, “Ask them…what my relationship with my mother is like,” She whisperers, shifting away from the cards to let Tae have full access to the spread. He wished she didn’t move away; he held out his hand, silently asking her to take his—and she did, so he turned back to the cards, “What is Alexandra’s relationship with her mother like?” Tae asks, voice hushed but clear, as he glides the fingers of his free hand along the backs of the cards.

“Focus, not too hard on the cards themselves, but the feeling you get—which card do you want to pull?” She says, giving Tae’s hand a light squeeze as he scans the spread, running his fingers along the bottom row, then the top—stopping on a card. He turned to look at her and she nodded, “You can pull it—flip it as it is, don’t turn it around, don’t change the direction of the face.” Her voice is soft as she scoots closer, sitting next to Tae and leaning into his side, anxiously squeezing his hand.

He flips the card and looks at the face, then at the number and name, “Five of wands.” Alexandra releases a breath, “Yes…that’s accurate.” “What does it mean?” Tae asks, looking to her as she speaks, “Five of wands—conflict, disagreement, tension.” She takes the card, smoothing her thumb over the edge as she looks at it, “Good first try.”

“I’m sorry,” Tae blurts, his eyebrows dipping into a doleful expression—he didn’t want her to get upset. “You have nothing to be sorry about, love.” She says with a faint smile, shifting her gaze to the cards as she gathered the rest. “Are we done?” Tae asked, flexing his hand at the loss of hers, “No, you are going to shuffle them this time, and we’ll try again” She handed him the cards.

“Should I ask them how much you love me or is that not a question for the higher powers?” Tae teases, a sly smile working it way to his lips as he shuffled the cards in his hands. She smacks his arm, a grin replacing the shocked ‘o’ of her mouth, “You are not allowed to ask those types of questions!” “And why not?” He asks, biting back a smile. “Because you already know that I love you, you shouldn’t have to ask the cards.” She dares, a challenging glint in her eyes.

“Yes, I suppose that’s true,” He looks at the cards in his hands, then to her, “And I love you, always.” “You love me now, while I’m young,” She says despite the glow to her face. Those same feelings of admiration reflected in Tae’s eyes as he said, “I’ll love you until the day you die.”

And he did.

Tae fled to Paris with Yoongi eight months later, after getting bloody revenge for her death; he left with an embroidered silk pouch of cards, and he carried them with him always.

[Chicago, 1927.]

“Hmm…I hope so,” Ally says, a smug smile replacing her previously displeased expression. “What else can they tell me?” She asks, eyes scanning the spread. “Whatever you like,” Tae purrs. “Can they tell me about you?” She asks, reaching out to swipe a card from the spread, but he stopped her, giving her a playful grin as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “They don’t read for me, doll, that’s not how this works.”

Later, a sharp sting to the shoulder is the last thing Ally feels before it fades to shadows and vague dreams, when she wakes up the next morning, she remembers nothing of the night before and she’s left puzzled over a hand drawn copy of the Ten of Swords.

[Yoongi’s cottage, Present day]

“Isn’t this something…Jimin should be doing?” I ask, arching my eyebrow at Tae as he kneels on the other side of the coffee table. “Not at all, I can do it,” He smiles, a devious glint in his eyes, “I can do it better.” I shake my head as I watch him spread the cards out across the table in two rows. “This is how I was taught,” Tae says, a fond smile on his face though his eyes were distant. “Parlor floor, late one evening—except we had oil lamps instead of fancy overhead lights,” He winks as he straightens the spread of cards.

“They look…older than Jimin’s cards.” I say as lean forward to look at the cards; the backs were faded, and they were worn along the edges. “They are old,” He chuckled, “These are the cards that I learned with, in 1847.” “And you still have them?” I ask, now fully intrigued, he has original cards.

“What does the front look like?” I reached for a card and he stopped me. “Please,” He sucked in a breath before speaking, “I’ve been the only person to touch these cards for the last hundred and seventy years…I’d,” He paused, eyebrows furrowing as he plays with the words in his mouth, “I’d like to keep it that way, please, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, totally, I’m sorry—I forgot about the whole energy attachment thing.” I breathed an awkward laugh, pulling my hand away before folding them in my lap. “I should know better, Jimin and Yoongi have both told me.” “It’s okay,” He sits back on his heels, nervously straightening a few cards. “What should I ask?” I break the silence, squint at the spread as I think and Tae chuckles, “Whatever you want.”

“Is there…anything I should know right now? Advice from the universe or my subconscious?” I shrug and Tae smiles, “I can do that.” He straightens his back and hovers his fingers over the cards, “Is there a message for Y/N? From the universe or her subconscious—anything she should know, any message at all?” He hovers from left to right over the rows, swiping a card from the bottom row and flipping it, “The Hanged Man—reversed.” He raises an eyebrow, “What are you avoiding, Y/N?” He gives a teasing grin as he turns the face of the card towards me.

“How about you and your deck mind your business.” I cross my arms and purse my lips to force away a grin.

“C’mon, it’s just a wakeup call—telling you to stop avoiding the thing and get it over with, you’re delaying growth and progression.” He sets the card aside and rests his elbow on his knee, “Anything else?” He grins and I shake my head, “No, you’re nosy.”

I scan the deck on the table, “Who taught you how to read, anyway?” “And I’m nosy?” Tae laughs, reaching out to tweak the cards once again. “You don’t have to tell me,” “Thanks for giving me permission to deny an answer.” He smiles as he gathers the cards and absentmindedly shuffles them, “One of my past lovers.” “During the…Victorian era, if I got my dates right?” I asked, shifting so I was hugging my knees. “Yes, in that time.”

“What were they like?” He tilts his head as he thinks, that absent look back in his eyes, “She was radiant, headstrong, smart—she challenged the norm of that era, and that made her a bit of a curiosity to the locals, and naturally an outcast…she was also a witch, and we lived in London.”

“I’m sure if you liked her, she was someone worth knowing,” I smiled softly at him. “Yes, she was a gift,” He looked at the cards, fanning them out in his hands. “How did you end up with her deck?” I asked as he slipped the cards back into the pouch. “I took them with me when she died.” “Oh, that’s sweet…I’m sorry though…” Yikes. “It happens, people die, Y/N.” He mumbled, brushing off the knees of his slacks as he stood. “I mean, that’s true, but it’s still unfortunate…” Stop talking.

“It was…unjust—it wasn’t her time.” He looked down at me, “But people die, and we just hope to find them again in our next life, no?” He gave a soft smile, extending his hand to help me up. “I suppose,” I mumbled, “You believe in reincarnation?” I ask and he smiles, “I don’t know what I believe in, but I have certainly lived many lifetimes, and in each era—I find my favorite people, and that era of myself dies with them, and I start over.”  

“But something tells me you never really start over, it’s always Tae in there,” I smile as I poke his chest. “Yes, it’s still me, just a different life.” The corners of his mouth pull into a soft smile, “I do have Yoongi, he sticks with me through the eras—though I suppose we both just cling to what we know…and when we run out of people, we always have each other.” “Okay, wow, that was sappy and sad, and it hurt my heart.” I place my hand over my heart, and he laughs, “It’s true though!”

“Find your people, they are important,” He smiles fondly as he looks around the room. “I think I have.” I look around too, taking in the sight of Yoongi’s parlor before looking back to Tae, and he’s smiling—it’s the most genuine smile that I’ve seen on his face.

And I love it.

“You’ll stick around until I die, right?” I ask, and the words feel strange as they come out, feeling as if each emotion weighed on them differently.

“Always, and then I will visit your grave and relive these days.”

~~ Omgggg I know right I was basically self-inserting and combining like 8 billion different side stories in my brain because I constantly fantasize about vamp!tae like damn,,, @ me about it nfdslfidsj 

AnYwAy; this some some splurge of backstory and angsty, loverboy vamp!tarot!tae. I wanted to bring him to life [waKE ME UP] Necromancer!hoseok is the one who screams that part btw. So here he is, voila, ignore me feeding my own imagination.  

[weapon13whitefang]

We’re off to see the Wizard! – The Yellow Brick Road Home [TWD TD Theory] - LONG POST!

"But as the hours passed and nothing terrible happened, she stopped worrying and resolved to wait calmly and see what the future would bring.... At last, she crawled over the swaying floor to her bed and laid down upon it. And Toto lay down beside her.... In spite of the swaying of the house and the wailing of the wind, Dorothy soon closed her eyes and fell fast asleep.”

In Episode 9X03, Rick and Michonne had a fun day with Judith. Before they were completely interrupted by everyone being assholes, Rick was reading to Judith. The book he was reading? “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” by L Frank Baum. A very popular children’s novel that has seen several reprints since it was published in Chicago in the early 1900. The title would be commonly known as/shortened to “The Wizard of Oz” and would have several reprints over the years.

If you don’t know the story of the “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz”, you live under a rock (although to be fair, some people did not grow up with WoO so I guess I shouldn’t be mean like that). The story follows Dorothy, a farm girl from Kansas, and her dog Toto and chronicles their adventure in the Magical Land of Oz after they are swept up by a cyclone while she’s in her home. The house is dropped into Munchkin Country and right on-top of the evil Munchkin Country ruler, The Wicked Witch of the East. The Good Witch of the North shows up and Dorothy is given the Witch of the East’s magical Silver Slippers as a gratitude gift from three of the Munchkins.

The Good Witch tells Dorothy that the only way she is gonna be able to get home is to go to the Emerald City and ask the great and powerful Wizard of Oz to help her. So Dorothy receives a kiss from the Good Witch on her forehead, giving her magical protection from harm, and Dorothy sets out on her way with Toto.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz takes place over a set of days, unlike depicted in the film. Along the way, Dorothy meets a colorful array of creatures – Boq the Munchkin, a Scarecrow stuck on a pole which she frees him from, a Tin Woodman she applies oil to a rusted-up and allows him to move again, and meets the Cowardly Lion. Each of these last three – The Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion – are in search of something to make them feel better. The Scarecrow wants a brain because he doesn’t have one since he’s only made of straw, the Tin Woodman wants a heart to feel love and have a beat, and the Cowardly Lion wants courage so he’s not afraid all the time. They each end up accompanying Dorothy on her way to the Emerald City, hoping the Wizard will be of help for what they need.

Now I don’t wanna tell the whole story since it’s a bit ridiculous to, but let me just point out that this story follows a young girl – lost in another world she was forcefully sucked into – and along the way she meets a set of characters each looking for something as well. When she gets where she needs to be, it turns out she can’t get back home until she deals with this strange world longer. She is given a task to defeat The Wicked Witch of the West.

When Dorothy heads on her way to go up against this Wicked Witch, a number of things happen. The witch spies Dorothy and the gang coming for her with her powerful telescopic eye. She sends a pack of 40 great wolves – yes, WOLVES – after Dorothy and her friends, but they’re all killed by the Tin Man and his axe (An AXE! Guys, an axe!). So the witch sends a murder of 40 wild crows after them, but the Scarecrows kills them all by breaking their necks. So the Wicked Witch summons a swarm of black bees to sting them, but they are killed when they try to sting the Tin Woodman while the Scarecrow's straw hides the others. She sends her Winkie slaves but the Cowardly Lion repels them. Finally, she uses the power of a Gold Cap to send her winged monkeys to capture Dorothy, Toto, and the Cowardly Lion. The monkeys unstuff the Scarecrow and dents the Tin Woodman before Dorothy is whisked to the witch and is forced to become the witch’s slave all while the witch is trying to find a way to get Dorothy's Silver Shoes. She also tries to force the Cowardly Lion into submission by starving him but Dorothy sneaks him food (I forgot how dark this damn book was lol).

Long story short, Dorothy ends up defeating the Wicked Witch of the West when she – in anger at being tricked out of a slipper after the witch makes her trip over an invisible bar – throws water on the witch and causes her to melt (this was believed to be made the witches of the books weakness because of the old held belief that water is effective in purifying the soul and combating evil). There’s a whole other mess that happens but eventually Dorothy is able to return home. I’ll talk more about that in a bit. Again, not trying to tell the whole damn story (even though I kind of already did… Yeah that didn’t work out how I tried lol).

How did Dorothy get home? The Silver Slippers. The Good Witch of the North – Glinda – reveals to Dorothy that the Silver Slippers have the power to take her anywhere she wishes to go, giving the lesson that you always have the tools to get where you want with you, always. Meaning if you think work for it, you can always find your way home or back to the ones you love and who love you or accomplish anything. This is enforced by how the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow, and Cowardly Lion show attributes that they wanted – The scarecrow with the brains to use himself as a shield to get Dorothy and the others hidden from the bees, the Tin Woodman having the “heart” to stick by Dorothy throughout everything, and the Cowardly Lion by thwarting Winkie slaves by being brave.

The children’s novel obviously has differences from the movie – a lot of differences really – and so people don’t always know about all the characters and all the adventures and all the dark shit that happens in this book.

But isn’t it interesting that Dorothy is facing of against things that can be associated with TWD in terms of when Dorothy is facing the Witch and facing the lie that Oz has given the people of Emerald City. First off Emereld City is presented in a way that it’s a perfectly safe place and a perfectly peaceful place. But it turns out it has a problem – the Wicked Witch of the West has the neighboring County (The Winkie’s) under her thumb.

Here’s the thing about the Land of Oz; Its heavily color coordinated. The Winkie Country is yellow and the inhabitants wear a lot of yellow and have yellow tinted skin. Gillikin Country is purple with many of the land surroundings being purple and the inhabitants wearing purple. Quadling Country is depicted in red and like the others, the land is distinguished by its red surroundings and the locals wearing red. Then of course there’s Munchkin Country – where Dorothy lands – and it’s Blue and much of the residents’ wear blue and much of the surroundings are Blue. Finally, there’s the capital - Emerald City – which is the one place that isn’t really the color they say it is because on the outside, the walls are green but the city itself is not and the wizard decree’s the everyone must wear green-tinted eyeglasses.

If you think about it, this could apply to a specific place on TWD… Terminus. In the show, Terminus is supposed to be a safe haven, a sanctuary for the future. It presents itself as one way to lure people in and then traps them. Of course this isn’t what Emerald City does, but it does present itself one way on the outside but on the inside it’s not what it seems for many reasons – it’s not actually green and the Wizard is a fake with no magic to his name.

Now, I want you all to take a look at something… Familiar.

The good old Terminus map… Anyone see something interesting about this map? Well… Let me show you something fun to go with it and take a minute…

You see what we have? Terminus is symbolized by a star… On the flag representing The Land of Oz, Emerald City is a star. Red, Green, and Blue are main colors on map… So we have Munchkin County and Quadling County and Emerald City represented on the map… Meaning the railroad tracks are the Yellow Brick Road. And the Yellow Brick Road in every country leads everyone to the Emerald City… Terminus is an Emerald City but with a dark twist.

It occurred to me that Rick in 9x05 [What Comes After] that Rick was Dorothy. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is in a world that’s different in that things are familiar to Dorothy but they’re not the exact same. She knows what a lion is, what Scarecrow are, and what a Woodman is. But Lion’s and Scarecrows don’t talk and Woodman aren’t made of Metal. There’s not wicked witch or magic and wizards. There’s things she knows don’t really exist but they’re things she also knows about… Which makes me wonder if Rick’s fever dream was his stumble into a world he knows but doesn’t… But the Helicopter became his tornado that lifts him into a new world… If everything sort of played backwards for Rick.

Rick’s fever dream is a topsy turvey thing. The definition of Topsy Turvey is “in utter confusion or disorder” and “with the top or head downward” – basically, everything is backwards. Think of the song from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. One of the lyrics is "Once a year we throw a party here in town / Once a year we turn all Paris upside down / Ev'ry man's a king and ev'ry king's a clown / Once again it's Topsy Turvy Day" and "Dross is gold and weeds are a bouquet / That's the way on Topsy Turvy Day". The song literally explains that everything is the opposite of what is known. “Dross is Gold” – Dross is scummy junk that is useful in the trash. “Weeds are a bouquet” – A weed is plant that is considered undesirable in a particular situation like when they grow in farm fields and gardens or on your lawn so it’s not something you’d want in a bouquet. So it’s things that are not what they usually are…

A fever dream is basically described as an intense or confusing dream brought on by a fever. Being severely damaged or suffering a sudden infection – which, I mean, Rick landed on a fucking rusted rod so yeah I’d say he freaking is suffering from a sudden infection to his body from the metal rod and also suffering intense pain as his body fights the injury and thus being severly damaged – will trigger someone to have a fever dream. Rick’s temperature probably rose along with his blood pressure because of a sudden puncture and with the way your brain works, a fever can produce waking hallucinations and vivid imagery and intense nightmares. Again, Rick’s situation.

But the more I thought about it and really turned this over in my head I began to realize that Rick didn’t fall into a Land of Oz… He fell into Wonderland. Okay so stick with me for a bit cause I promise I’ll make sense – hopefully – to what I mean by this.

The Helicopter lifting Rick up was the twister lifting Dorothy into a new land. But before that… Rick had to go through a Wonderland… Fun time, everyone. There’s been multiple studies of how The Wizard of Oz and Alice and Wonderland… Are very similar books.

Let’s step back from Rick a bit to talk about “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” and “Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland” (I’ll mostly be talking about the books but I’ll be mentioning the movies to – mostly the Disney version of Alice and the 1939 Judy Garland version of Dorothy as they’re just as well known as the originals).

What are some simple things that the books have in common? Well both characters are female, both have an animal companion of sort (though Toto stays with Dorothy through Oz while Dinah does not come to Wonderland), both are depicted in white and blue coloring – though inverted (“The color of trust. Blue, the shade of the sea and the sky, is thought to induce calm and convey tranquility, serenity and peace. The popular color instills confidence and inspires feelings of trust, loyalty, integrity and responsibility.  Cool blue is conservative and can also be perceived as aloof. Blue tends to suppress the appetite – there are not many foods associated with blue in nature” (x) and “"White is associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, and virginity. It is considered to be the color of perfection. White means safety, purity, and cleanliness. As opposed to black, white usually has a positive connotation. White can represent a successful beginning. In heraldry, white depicts faith and purity... white is associated with coolness and cleanliness because it's the color of snow... White is an appropriate color for charitable organizations; angels are usually imagined wearing white clothes. White is associated with hospitals, doctors, and sterility..." (x) ), both are tossed into a world they don’t know, both must endure their travels through the world they aren’t familiar with, both are exposed to strange creatures that do not normally speak, both are a bit disappointed by what they find at the end of their trek (the wizard is a fake and can’t get Dorothy home, the Queen and everyone at the castle are completely full of nonsense and no help at all), there’s drug like references in both (Alice with the cake that makes her change and the caterpillar smoking, Dorothy with the poppy field that puts her to sleep and the snow that wakes her up), and both are returned to normal by a simple solution (The Magic Shoes that help her wake up, Alice literally waking up).

It’s really no wonder they have similarities. Alice Adventure in Wonderland was written in 1865 and The Wizard of Oz was written in the 1900s. It’s highly probable that Lewis Carroll helped inspire L Frank Baum, as many writers inspire one another. Makes sense to use the same element that worked for someone else and make it your own with a few twists and turns (isn’t that still kind of plagerism… Hmmm lol)

Anyway, keeping all that in mind and going back to Rick in his fever dream, we have established that Rick is Dorothy that fell into Wonderland before being whisked up by the “twister” (Helicopter). And WHO is in Wonderland – in Rick’s fever dream – that is a character that is played by someone who just RECENTLY debut in a music rap video as Alice herself?

Emily Kinney. Beth Greene.

Now now, I know. It’s very obvious that it’s a double playing Beth in the body pile… But we still have Beth Greene and Emily Kinney is Beth Greene’s celebrity named actor… Emily was featured in THIS VIDEO playing Alice from ALICE IN WONDERLAND with Whitney Avalon playing Dorothy from THE WIZARD OF OZ… Rick read the book to Judith in episode 9X03 WARNING SIGNS and that aired on OCT 21ST. Rick’s final episode was 9x05 WHAT COMES AFTER and that aired on NOV 4TH. The video was posted NOV 9TH and that’s two days before we end up in the time jump with 9X06 WHO ARE YOU NOW?

The whole thing… It struck me as… Way to well timed. Was way to coincidental. Having Rick read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and then five days later, Emily is acting/rapping/singing in a video where she plays another famous character against a Dorothy… That’s way to… That’s to coincidental.  To me, that screams advertisement connection. A sort of “Hey, don’t forget about me!” wave of the hand…

A lot of people in TD have talked about Alice in Wonderland having connections to Beth and the TD crew before. Back during Season 5, we had promo cast pictures that had characters… Looking through broken glass. Notable – you guessed it – Rick Grimes himself and… Carol.

This got me thinking of something way back when TD was growing and thriving… Who is the other person that had the last close connection to Beth? Carol…. See there’s something that I’ve been debating and thinking on and off about for the last three almost four years since Coda… We never saw Carol wake up and we never saw any interaction between her and Beth. The last thing we saw with any talking was Beth telling Carol “I just wanted you to know that I was here” while saving the woman’s life and while she was passed out. That’s it. We didn’t seen anything between them after that and suddenly Carol is awake and alive.

There was a post that went up about people believing Beth was drunk during the exchange in the Hallway (Found here) and I commented that I do not think Beth was drunk but that someone else was drunk or we were experiencing someone else’s tension / view. Tyreese, Carol, and Sasha were my main three with Rick pulling in close. Especially since the angle changes on us right after everyone comes into the hallway and again after Shepard says “stand down, it was just about her”. Someone was uneasy during this exchange and then everything started leveling out as Daryl lowered his gun after Carol places a hand on his arm.

I didn’t really go into detail about why Tyreese, Carol, and Sasha are the ones I focus on. Real quick, it’s because of Tyreese and how there’s so much focus on him for his death episode and how we have this whole hallucination scene happening… There’s guilt coming from Tyreese and it was HIS idea to go the peaceful route for the exchange instead of going in guns blazing. For Carol, she was injected with medication and then is suddenly awake and in a wheelchair and then suddenly on her feet like there was a skip in what was happening – a lag in perception of what someone is doing. Sasha I was seeing because she was the one who let Lamson get away and suffered a rather hard hit that knocked her out and might have caused a milled concussion from how she hit the wall and was knocked out and thus could have an effect on her view of things.

Now – jumping to season nine and looking at things and having this whole The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Alice Adventure in Wonderland train of thought – looking back at the images… I’m stuck on the line Gimple said about “not everything is what it seems” in terms of Beth’s story. That’s a whole thing about AAiW and TWWoO is that “nothing is what it seems” for these worlds.

A lot of this is me stretching things, putting my own thoughts and feelings into it… But I like to think I can try to be real with some of my theories. Don’t get me wrong, I fall through the realm of “that’s ridiculous” sometimes with them, but I do try my best to really see the connections and imagery in things…

In Season 5 they had Rick and Carol looking through broken glass and no one else in their promo pics. Not even Daryl’s promo picture is anything around broken glass, but instead in a warehouse with Rick… Everyone else but Rick and Carol are heavily shown in this warehouse. But Rick is outside and being seen through broken glass with Carol inside looking out the broken glass… In season 5 where we had Coda and lost Beth.

I’m wondering if maybe Gimple took these elements of “nothing is what it seems” and decided to apply it to a mystery around Beth… And Carol and Beth are top checker pieces around it. Since I believe more than ever now, that Rick or Carol were the ones we were seeing the exchange through. I think that from the moment the prison fell, Rick has been Dorothy making his way to the Emerald City, being disappointed (obviously) by it and had to have a wicked witch defeated before he could find his way “home” – AKA to Alexandria, Rick’s “Silver Slippers”.

Now we have Carol left – the other one by the broken glass – and I believe she is the one reading The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Alice Adventure in Wonderland. Carol is the one who we saw Beth’s “Death” through.

And dude I don’t even know if I’m making any sense. Just know that I believe that this is one big mesh of elements of THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ and ALICE ADVENTURE IN WONDERLAND and Carol is the reader, Rick was Dorothy, and Beth is Alice and we have yet to see Alice’s story completely yet.

… Yeah I can’t brain this theory anymore so if you all think you can add something to this that’s more sensible and put together, pleasssee feel free to say something.