#also yes i know that the sting takes place in chicago

[rustchild]

currently jonesing hard for gritty but not gratuitously depressing queer media set in the immigrant working class milieu of 1930s new york. like if james cagney had kissed that priest in angels with dirty faces. or if paul newmann kissed that twink in the sting. for example.

[greeneyesfriedrice]

꧁ below you can find all the fics i've written ꧂

꧁ my ao3 is me_her_themoon ꧂

happy reading <3

(also, thank u to my lovey @dragmedown for making this beautiful gif i love u)

one direction fandom:

꧁ if honesty means telling you the truth (I'm still in love with you) M, 47K

Harry is currently in some bar in London, sipping on some brand of whiskey, after Niall practically forced him out of the house because “it’s time for you to get some action, you lazy wanker.”

So, he finds himself here. Trapped between the bar and the back of some unknown person who he is not interested in in the slightest. He doesn’t even think he wants a relationship after his last one, but maybe a fling if the situation calls for it.

(based on the album Heartbreak Weather)

꧁ the world's got the best of you T, 8.4K

People never pay him any mind anyway, with his curly hair and ‘gay’ fashion, he’s been described as the loser by design. He doesn’t care though, he has a senior friend who has never once discriminated against him. No matter how little they talk, he knows he’ll always have a friend in Louis.

꧁ let me look in his eyes GA, 2.1K

"Did he know the sign was coming? Oh, then he’s doing it! Let me look at his eyes, let me look in his eye.... Yeah he’s gonna do it...."

based off a post on tumblr and harry's love advice during hsloveontour chicago night 2!

꧁ DON'T LOOK AT YOUR ASS T, 3.1K

The stinging returns again, making him realize why he walked in here in the first place. He peels off his boxers, stepping out of them carefully. He turns around apprehensively.

His jaw drops. He shrieks.

“What the fuck?!”

There’s a penguin. On his ass. On his literal buttcheek.

꧁ a friend of dorothy T, 1.2K

A Friend of Dorothy

Homosexual; a gay or queer man.

꧁ love on tour: harryween. night II. E, 3.3K

“This is called edging!” Harry shouts into the mic, the cheers somehow getting even more intense. He giggles and signals for Sarah to start again, this time allowing it to continue.

He knows Louis won’t be very happy about his little kinky side that’s coming out tonight (the edging comment, mixed with Medicine and Toxic? Yeah, he won’t live it down), but Harry doesn’t really care. They’ll talk about it later.

꧁ louis' 30th birthday celebration E, 1.9K

Right when Louis heard “yes” he jumped up the stairs, rushing to the master bedroom, but stopping short at the sight.

So. This is what Harry was up to.

꧁ lt world tour: houston E, 2.0K

Harry looks suspicious. Completely in the dark, eyes full of mirth. “Harry?”

And then Harry just…hangs up.

What the fuck?

Louis stares at the black screen in disbelief. Did his boyfriend (practically husband) just hang up on him? After a tour show?

꧁ lt world tour: nashville. rainbow project. GA, 1.3K

Love is only for the brave.

based on ltwt nashville!!

꧁ Happiest Place On Earth E, 2.0K

It turns out, Harry was actually talking the entire time Louis was studying his profile, so he manages to only catch his last few words, “...It makes sense why this is referred to as the happiest place on Earth.”

And, well, Louis doesn’t not agree. But…

꧁ ti dedico le autostrade che portano al mare (i dedicate to you the highways that bring you to the sea) E, 87.6K

“Simon, please. I need a break.” Louis speaks softly into the phone. "I’ve been working constantly for the past 4 years,” His voice strains.

“I suppose you’ve earned it.” Simon reluctantly sighs.

(Louis goes on hiatus for six months to a small coastal town in Italy where he doesn't expect to fall in love with the charming baker)

꧁ MSG Residencies: Morning after the 14th Show E, 2.4K

Harry is almost done with his first NYC residency, and Louis happens to be in NYC at the same time for his album promo. They're happy and in love, together.

꧁ MSG Residencies: Night 15. E, 1.6K

HARRY STYLES 15 CONSECUTIVE SOLD OUT SHOWS AT THE GARDEN

꧁ i wish that i could take you to the stars E, 31.4K

Niall is the director and writer of a stage play and he casts his best friend, Harry, as the star of his new play, “Me, Him, and the Moon,” as a prince who’s mesmerized by the moon. When he meets his sunshine-embodied costar, Louis, who is playing the role of a boy who’s deeply enamored with the stars, he learns more about himself and his relationship with love than ever before.

[also, liam is the makeup artist who loves to gossip and zayn is the costume designer who thinks liam is cute]

꧁ s[he]'s falling, doesn't even know it GA, 2.1K

super short night changes music video au

꧁ Chicago Residencies: Night 3. E, 2.8K

His phone buzzes on the table once he enters the room, and he grabs it. 

Lou don't get changed, wanna take those clothes off you

꧁ i never wanna go slowly E, 1.6K

harry and louis only have phone sex for three weeks until they finally see each other again. rough sex ensues.

꧁ hey, babe E, 1.7K

when we're finished saying nothing, could we please get back to loving?

꧁ Dicked Down in Europe E, 40.4K

harry has an idea for their honeymoon. louis is down for whatever.

꧁ bitter ends turn sweet in time E, 24.4K

“Are you…” Louis looks back down at the paper, voice almost getting caught in his throat, “Harry Styles?”

Oh, fuck. 

Harry Styles.

꧁ home at last E, 1.9K

Harry turns, a wide smile on his face. Louis stands in the doorway to their shared bedroom, his right arm held close to his body and in a makeshift sling.

He makes sure not to fully ram into his husband, but it’s been almost one month, so sue him if he’s excited.

꧁ Want You to Watch Me E, 4.3K

Louis hums. Harry hears the quiet thud of Louis’ phone being put on the nightstand, the soft sounds of Louis moving on the bed.

“Why don’t you strip for me, darling?”

꧁ Sit On Your Throne E, 2.6K

“Making out with the soon-to-be King in the throne room in the middle of the night. That’s got to be breaking a few rules.”

“How about we break a few more and I ride you on your throne?”

꧁ happy birthday haz T, 1.1K

He looks at the time, just after ten in the morning. “We’ll eat, and then gifts, and then blowjob. Then some cuddles.” Louis smiles at Harry, who’s watching Louis softly and leaning against the counter. “Sound good?”

꧁ go home, get head (and more) E, 2.9K

He involuntarily shivers at the last text, knowing that whatever Louis has in store, it’s going to be one hundred percent worth it.

Sending back a heart, an eggplant, and a peach emoji, he sets his phone down, deciding to get dressed and continue on with the night so he can get back to his husband. 

꧁ out of control E, 2.5K

They’ve always been into kinkier stuff than most, whether it’s bondage or piss (they dabble occasionally), they try not to shy away from things other people may deem weird. They just don’t care.

So, after Louis texted their friends and family that they would be unavailable for the entire day, Harry’s been in this position ever since.

꧁ worked up E, 2.5K

Checking his phone, he sees a notification from Louis. He smiles, remembering that his premiere for All Of Those Voices was today in Tokyo. Harry wishes he could be there with him, but at least they’re in the same continent this time, that has to count for something.

He clicks the notification, and is suddenly glad that he’s alone.

God, Louis looks so fucking incredible.

꧁ is my baby not satisfied? E, 2.6K

Listen, Louis’ hands have always been extremely hot, even when he was 18 and the biggest twink Harry had ever seen. As he’s grown older, though, with the 28 on his one hand and the rope around his wrist, they’ve just become something right out of Harry’s wet dreams.

But these new tattoos, four of them right on his knuckles, bring his arousal to a whole new level. He hadn’t told Louis this, but when he had originally suggested the idea, Harry immediately thought of how the hand would look around his neck. 

꧁ outside in the summertime E, 2.2K

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up in recognition, his lips curling into a smug smile. He brings his hand up to his mouth, taking a long drag, cheeks hollowing. His eyes never leave Harry as he blows out the smoke, the joint almost burnt out.

Louis says nothing as he takes a last hit, holding the smoke in his mouth as he taps the end of the joint on the ashtray beside him. He beckons Harry closer with his hand, and Harry goes.

꧁ an ocean in my veins (you'll be diving in) E, 31K

But, since Niall is so talkative to literally anyone with a working mouth, it means that when Louis Tomlinson started to take a shine to him, Harry started to hate him.

Because suddenly, it wasn’t just Harry and Niall, and whoever else wanted to join their antics. It was Harry and Niall and Louis.

Did Harry mention that Louis is a stupid fucking prick? He wants to make sure that’s clear.

[or, harry and louis hate each other and niall just wants everyone to get along]

꧁ please stop making me jealous (please don't stop) E, 11.8K

“Did you hire someone new?” He has to get right to the point. He has someone waiting for him, but this couldn’t have been done at any other time.

“Oh, are you talking about Harry?”

Harry.

꧁ jealousy is a disease E, 2.6K

Louis takes the phone and, sure enough, there are fifty fucking calls from Harry. He knows that Louis is onstage right now, no doubt watching a fans livestream, so why the fuck is he calling Louis so much?

He takes a quick second to send him a text, just a simple stop calling, will facetime after show before handing the phone back to Oli.

Louis has a show to perform.

꧁ thighs are for fuckin E, 1.8K

The rest of his team are on the bus when he finally gets on, and with just a few smiles to the lads, he heads to the back, closing the door behind him. It’s dark, of course, as no one’s been back here, so Louis fumbles toward the light switch, finding it and flicking it on.

“What the fuck.” Louis stands there, mouth dropped open, as he meets green eyes across the room.

꧁ untouchable E, 1.1K

“‘S killing you, isn’t it?” Harry chooses this time to swivel his hips in a side to side motion, Louis’ eyes rolling into the back of his head.

“W-what?”

He leans forward, his hips rising up until just the tip of Louis’ cock is inside him still. His spit-stricken lips brush against Louis’ jawline and up to his ear. “Not being able to touch what’s yours.”

꧁ look at you E, 1.9K

He hears Louis whisper something to the band before the door to the back slides open, Louis slipping in and sucking all the air out of Harry’s lungs. Fucking hell, he’s so beautiful. He’s in a green sweatshirt (Harry has the matching pink) and a loose pair of gray sweatpants. There’s a slight bulge that any man gets when wearing gray sweatpants, and Harry wants to swallow him whole. “Well, well, look at you.” Louis raises a pleased eyebrow, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. “You’ve always taken commands well.” 

꧁ somewhere in between and not at all E, 24.5K

He’s always known that he’s some sort of queer. There’s no doubt about it. When he was younger, he loved the feeling of his sister’s pantyhose on his legs, and loved to play dress up whenever he could. But it never went any further than that, and as he got older, he hid that part from himself. There were more homophobes than not in his school, and he couldn’t risk anything getting out. While he was hoping that he would become more involved in the gay scene, he wasn’t expecting it to happen so immediately. He’s barely been in NYC for two days, and he’s now surrounded by all different types of men and…others? God, he isn’t even sure what to call them. He really doesn’t know much. (or, Harry is new to NYC and discovers something about himself, and Louis is there for him. Always.)

꧁ can't believe you E, 2K

Barricade has always been hot to watch. Seeing the fans grab and caress Louis as if they own him. But this barricade went a little too far. “Ripping his entire fucking shirt,” Harry mumbles angrily to himself, bringing up the messages with a certain ginger. 

꧁ fitfwt: new york city E, 1.9K

A press of lips to his throat, “Now, when do you have to be ready?” Louis hums, “I’d say about 6:15. So I have to be all showered and ready by then.” “Fantastic.” Harry nips playfully at his skin, “So I have two hours to devour you.”

꧁ i'm fastening myself to you with a stitch E, 3.3K

“Did you do everything I asked?” Of course Louis can see right through her. Harry was naive to think any differently. They’ve been together for literal years. “Um.” A list appears from behind Louis’ back, looking to be a copy that Louis keeps for herself. She takes a pen from the top of the microwave, “Let’s go through the list, shall we?”

꧁ getting yourself wet for me E, 10.1K

Louis’ eyes shoot open, and he’s quick to grab Harry’s arm before he gets very far. “Wait.” Harry turns back, raising a confused eyebrow. Louis takes another moment to form words, his brain still in an orgasmic haze. “Are you, like, um. Into piss?” Elegant sentence, Louis, nice going.   or, frat boys take on watersports

꧁ you are that love of mine E, 17.1K

“Are you ready?” Gemma whispers, walking them down the hallway. Harry resists a crude laugh, taking a deep breath in. “No.” They stop in front of the heavy mahogany doors that will soon reveal his future husband to him. When he walks back through this very threshold, he will be Harry Tomlinson. 

red, white, and royal blue fandom:

꧁ it's you and me, there's nothing like this E, 3.6K

Clearing his throat and leaning in, Alex whispers, “Here’s what is going to happen. You will stay five hundred feet away from me at all times tonight.” “Reasonable.” “I wasn’t done.” Alex scoffs, continuing, “And then, at midnight sharp, you will come up to my room on the second floor of the residence where I will do some very, very bad things to you.” With one last look at Henry, seeing him flustered and staring into space, he subtly squeezes his ass and walks away. 

꧁ what would you do if i went to touch you now? E, 2.4K

Alex furrows his brows confusedly, shaking his head as his eyes land back on Henry. “I need to talk to Henry. Alone.” Amy side-eyes him, but asks no further questions. “The closest place I can do is the Red Room. Farther than that and his team will tase you.” Well, he certainly doesn’t want that. “How quick can you get him there?” or, if henry and alex hadn't gotten interrupted in the red room

꧁ updated as of September 15th, 2023 ꧂

[emiewritesthings]

doctor, doctor - jay halstead

jay halstead x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n takes it into her own hands to look after a sick jay 

a/n: i’m not gonna lie i think this is one of my fav things i’ve ever written, i would really appreciate some feedback and p.s the beginning of it is based on that scene from brooklyn 99 :)

masterlist

“okay, it’s 10 o’clock, meaning halstead is officially an hour late to work,” y/n announced as she appeared from the break room with a mug of poorly made coffee. looking around, she had immediately distracted everyone in the room with her playful smile. “okay let’s do this, theories!” she encouraged, taking a sip with excitement, but immediately regretting it as s he spat it back in the mug and abandoned it on adam’s desk as she leant against it.

“uh, he forgot to set his alarm?” antonio suggested, willing to play along with the little game that y/n had created. however clearly his answer didn’t suffice as y/n scrunched up her nose and shook her head in disappointment.

“you are a detective in a unit that just last week rescued 5 people kidnapped and used as chess pieces in a human sized version of the game and the best you could come up with is he forgot to set his alarm? pfft, disappointing, dawson. who’s willing to take this seriously?” she scoffed, brushing his idea off with a simple roll of the eyes as the group laughed at her ridiculousness. 

“maybe he has been murdered by a gang looking for revenge.” adam piped up, earning a sudden and rather forceful slap on the back as y/n cheered. her eyes looking over at antonio as she gestured towards the less experienced detective.

“yes, that’s what i’m talking about. bit dark, ruzek, but better than dawson’s,” y/n hummed, adam clearly pleased with the praise he had received by the pretty detective. “any one else wanna shot?” she offered it out into the room, suddenly the sound of rolling wheels on the chair had everyone turn to face al who was munching on a ham sandwich.

“he walked into the middle of a drug ring, slept with the kingpins daughter and is now having limbs removed, one by the hour.” suddenly an eery silence fell in the bullpen as al suddenly disappeared back to his desk and everyone was left with an image that she was sure was burned on the inside of everyones mind.

“uh, okay, someone might want to arrange a psych check for olinsky asap,” y/n mumbled, pointing in the direction where he had once been and looking around as if checking that she hadn’t been the only one to hear al’s suggestion. “anyways, all of you are wrong. clearly he has joined a motorbike gang and now makes his money on the road striking off names on the government’s hit list.” 

just as the room erupted into discussion about how idiotic this conversation was, as well as their ideas, the sound of footsteps caught y/n’s attention as she arrived at her desk. however as he reached the floor, the reason for his absence was clear.

“woah, you look like death.” adam chuckled, it immediately being silenced as jay sent a deadly glare his way. with his skin paler than normal with undertones of green, a layer of sweat draped over his forehead. jay flashed as smile at y/n as he passed, reaching his desk and collapsing on his chair with a wince. 

as everyone went back to what they were doing, y/n found herself straying her eyes away from her computer screen for longer and longer periods of time until she found herself by his side with a sickly sweet grin, pun intended. 

“i don’t wanna hear it, y/l/n.” jay mumbled, massaging his temples with his fingers hoping it would somehow sooth his pounding skull. whilst usually he had every minute of his day just to hear the woman chat away about whatever crossed her mind, he had found himself in quite the state since last night, leaving him restless and irritable.

“believe it or not, i just wanted to make sure you were alright,” y/n’s entire demeanour crumbled as she melted at the soft features of his face that came with being so vulnerable. but from the look in jay’s eyes, it was clear he didn’t 100% believe her excuse. “and to ask what the hell you think you are doing here? you are sick jay, you need to rest.” 

it was very rare that jay found himself ill. in the years that y/n had been working by the man’s side, she could count on one hand the times she had seen him with so much as a cough. in fact she had called him captain immune system for a period of time when she realised he was pretty much indestructible. y/n couldn’t deny the concern bubbling in her gut seeing him so weak.

“i’m fine,” with her eyes slitted in a look that practically shouted ‘bullshit’, jay continued. “i promise, it’s just a little cold. nothing serious, i think i’ll survive.” he joked dryly, finding it incredibly hard to look away from y/n for her eyes were filled with a warmth that he knew was an expression usually saved for those she cared deeply about. 

“yeah well, you need to take care of yourself, jay, i’m being serious. chicago can cope if you just have one day off, get your energy back.” 

y/n was reminded of the times she had the exact same words spoken to her by the exact person that didn’t seem to want to take them onboard. every time she had so much as a sniffle he would be straight over with some soup that his mother used to swear by and the name of a box set that he would put on for the two of them to watch as he sat stroking her hair in order to try and convince her body to rest. neither of them had anyone else to take care of them, so had taken it upon themselves to be that person for the other. 

“now, i’m gonna go tell voight that i’m taking you home before you infect this whole office.” before he could object, she had already ran (not literally but jay was impressed by her speed walking) to her boss’ office. knocking on the door, with a sweet smile and a sea of words running off her tongue so quickly that voight had to agree just to shut her up, y/n returned by his side. “come on, germ face, your carriage awaits.” 

“you know i love it when you talk dirty to me, y/l/n.” winking at her, y/n giggled as she supported him back down the stairs and out of the station. the two chatted away, y/n explaining how she thought al was secretly a sociopath and jay filing her in on the newest instalment of his apartment block drama until they pulled up in front of jay’s apartment building. 

as they walked through the door, jay’s arm resting around y/n’s shoulders as he struggled to find strength, they managed to reach the sofa before y/n’s body gave up. both of them letting out large breathes before looking at each other and falling into laughter. 

“you hungry, i could try making your mom’s soup?” y/n asked, as she pushed herself up to look down at the man. her hair falling down around her face and tickling jay’s skin. “i’m sure it won’t be as good as her’s but i’m willing to give it a try.” 

the way she was sat with the large window gleaming light behind her, y/n almost looked like an angel. her eyes and smile were wide, with her beauty wrapping its hands around jay’s neck squeezing until his head felt light and he nearly reached up to touch her porcelain skin. but jay had noticed the sensation way before he was blocked up with a cold.

“yeah, uh, that sounds nice.” jay agreed with a minimal amount of sass, but y/n didn’t seem to notice as she moved off the cushions and towards the kitchen. she had pretty much memorised the recipe when jay had finally given it to her on her birthday after offering to pay for it multiple times. whizzing around the kitchen, she was too busy to notice the tired eyes admiring her from afar. 

jay wished his mom was alive to see the woman that she would have loved. all the times he had brought girls back to his family when he was younger didn’t add up to an ounce of the beauty and power that y/n held in her middle finger. the way she bit back at his wit, but also had the ability to spot when he was upset from the other side of the city. she was everything her mother wanted in a daughter in law, everything she wanted for her little boy. 

“okay, give me your honest opinion. i can take it i promise.” y/n sudden appeared with a tray that held a large bowl of the semi-thick orange liquid, a glass of water and a couple pills. approaching jay, she carefully helped him up from where he laid and placed it onto his lap. “actually that was a complete lie, do not tell me the truth. i may just cry.” 

“why thank you, nurse y/l/n.” he teased.

“it’s doctor actually.” she quipped back.

jay chuckled lowly, as he grabbed the spoon and took a large spoonful to his mouth. feeling the slight sting of his tongue at the heat, it was only when the flavours hit that he was suddenly transported to an earlier time in his life. a simpler time. only this time there was y/n by his side. 

“the verdict?” she prompted, taking a seat besides him, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

“not sure whether i want to tell you, don’t think you’ll fit in this room if your ego grows any bigger.” y/n grinned as she leaned over to press a kiss against his shoulder. jay closed his eyes at the contact, feeling the ache in his body freeze for a moment as it registered the tingling sensation. “all jokes aside, it really is good.” 

“i’m glad, your mother was a smart woman.” she nodded, leaning forward to turn tv on. jay continued to spoon the soup into his mouth, as y/n chose a show that they both had started together and had refused to watch another minute without the other. y/n leaned back making herself comfortable, having already texted voight telling him that she would most likely need the entire day off, and getting the go ahead, she had no plans other than being by jay’s side for the next however many hours. 

it was sometime in the early evening and the tv continued to emit light, but neither jay nor y/n was paying any attention to the drama. jay, with his head on y/n lap, was leaning into her touch as her short, thin fingers ran through the dark strands that sprouted from his scalp. his body wrapped in a blanket that y/n had grabbed from his room, he felt completely at peace. 

“you know what, i think you are more bearable when you are at death’s door.” y/n joked quietly, as the forest green eyes were exposed back to her own. jay groaned in annoyance, realising that there was no sweet y/n without the sharped tongue y/n. a trait he adored, but at his own expense. 

“and to think i was starting to think you had gone soft on me, y/l/n.” he hummed, wishing he could forever have her giggle on repeat wherever he went, for the sound made goosebumps run down his neck and down his arms, like some kind of magic that only y/n possessed. 

“as much as i love you, i can’t risk my bad ass reputation for you.” 

although jay was sure it was just part of her banter, the moment the ‘i love you’ fell off her tongue, he found himself wide awake, unable to push past the feeling in his gut as it looped over again and again in his mind. y/n could see the conflict in his face, as he glanced up at her with something she had never noticed before. 

“you mean it?” he asked. 

“mean what?” confused, her fingers fell from his hair, making jay regret ever opening his mouth.

“do you really, you know, love me?” he knew he had committed too far to try and retreat. maybe he could blame it on the fact he couldn’t think straight, although she was like a lie detector that wouldn’t let such a bogus excuse pass. y/n blinked down at him, watching as he sat up to look at her with a hunger that needed to be addressed. swallowing the lump in her throat, y/n nodded.

“of course, you are one of my best friends, jay.” it was true, but it wasn’t the full truth, both of them knew that.

“i didn’t realise we had started lying to one another,” jay’s eyes were soft, as he reached to place his hand against her cheek, smiling as she slowly leaned into it. closing her eyes, she tried to find what direction she was looking for, but didn’t dare take the first step. without even thinking, jay jutted forward and captured her lips before they could form a single syllable. 

gently, but passionately, jay and y/n moved their lips against the others. the feeling was ever-growing as the kiss deepened and deepened until they had no choice to pull back, deprived of their ability to breath. as jay’s eyes came back into view, y/n, for the first time in her life, had lost the ability to form a sentence. 

“we just...” she began but it ran off quickly. jay chuckled.

“we did.”

the two sat in silence, examining the other one’s face until y/n found herself moving forward until she was sat in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist as she pressed her lips against his. just like before their bodies and minds were set ablaze with desire and what had remained unspoken for what felt like forever. jay had nearly completely forgotten about the illness that had put him in the care of the woman that he craved more than anything else the world had to offer. 

as their lips parted ways, suddenly the air had thinned and everything felt... normal. jay’s lips were unable to break out of the large grin mould that y/n had put them in, which was soon mirrored by the young woman. a small giggle escaping her lips.

“if i get whatever it is you have, i expect the exact same treatment.” 

“only for you, doctor y/l/n.”

[bechloeislegit]

BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 3

Break Up And/Or Make Up

It's been a year since Beca signed with DJ Khaled and moved to Los Angeles. It's been the same amount of time since Beca has seen or heard from Chloe.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and Beca was sitting in her L.A. home. She was on the phone with Aubrey and they were talking about Chloe.

"So, they broke up," Beca said. "Did she say why?"

"Not really," Aubrey said. "She just said they broke up and she was coming home."

"Does coming home mean going to Tampa?" Beca asked. "Or to you?"

"Actually, she said she was going to L.A.," Aubrey replied.

"What? Why?" Beca asked, sitting up. "I thought she'd want to be comforted by her family or her best friend."

"She said she wanted to be with her best friend," Aubrey said. "And the best friend she was talking about is you."

"If I'm the one she thinks of as her best friend in this scenario, why haven't I heard from her in almost a year?"

"I, um, I don't know the answer to that," Aubrey said. "But, I do know she feels bad that she hasn't reached out to you."

"She feels so bad that she can call and text you and the rest of the Bellas without any problem, just not me," Beca said, the anger in her voice evident. "Call her and tell her not to bother. She'd be better off visiting you."

"Beca," Aubrey said.

"No, Aubrey," Beca interrupted. "You always do this. You always take her side no matter what. I am not her best friend, she has made that abundantly clear by not talking to me for the past year. And since she'll still text you and take your calls, you get to tell her to stay away from me."

"I can't," Aubrey said.

"Yes, you can," Beca said.

"No, Beca," Aubrey said. "I really can't. She's already in L.A. And, she should be at your door, um, soonish."

"You gave her my address?" Beca asked, her voice rising. "And what the fuck do you mean by soonish?"

There was a knock on Beca's door and her head jerked over to look at the door as if it had offended her somehow.

"Soonish as in. . .now?" Aubrey replied.

"Of course, she's here now," Beca muttered and ended the call before Aubrey could say anything else.

Beca stood and stared at the door, jumping slightly when there was another knock.

Beca threw her phone on the table and contemplated pretending she wasn't home when another insistent knock came.

"Dammit," Beca muttered as she walked to the door.

Beca took a deep breath and let it out before opening the door. Chloe hadn't realized Beca had opened the door and was standing before Beca with furrowed brows staring down at her phone.

Beca waited, and Chloe raised her hand as if to knock again, looking up at the same time and finally noticing Beca standing there staring at her.

"Oh, um, h-hey, Beca," Chloe said, putting her phone in her pocket. "Brey just texted that she told you I was coming. I was hoping to surprise you."

"Trust me, I am surprised," Beca said and continued to look at Chloe.

"So, are you going to invite me in?" Chloe asked, waving her hand toward the inside of Beca's house.

"Oh, how rude of me to leave you standing there when you showed up unexpectedly at my door after a year with no contact whatsoever," Beca said sarcastically. "Please, do come in."

Beca stood aside to let Chloe in.

"I guess I deserved that," Chloe mumbled as she pulled her suitcases inside.

"So, what do you want, Chloe?"

"Oh, I guess we're going to forego the nice to see you formalities and jump right in," Chloe mumbled. She cleared her throat and said, "I was hoping I could stay here for a little while."

Beca opened her mouth to say something when she heard her phone ping with a text notification. She sighed.

"Excuse me," Beca said and left Chloe standing by the door as she walked over to check her phone.

"It figures," Beca muttered as she looked to find a text from Aubrey.

Please don't kick her out. She says she's fine but I can tell she's not. Talk to her.

Beca sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She texted back.

Fine. She can stay here but that doesn't mean I have to talk to her.

Beca turned back to Chloe, who had been looking around while Beca checked her phone.

"You have a nice place," Chloe said.

"Thanks," Beca said and put on her best phony smile. "Come on. I'll show you to your room."

Chloe's shoulders sagged with relief. "Thanks, Beca. I really do appreciate this."

"It's not like I had much choice," Beca thought.

"Follow me," Beca said aloud and walked toward the stairs.

Chloe grabbed her luggage and followed Beca.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 3 ~~

After showing Chloe to her room, Beca went back down to the living room so Chloe could unpack. She sat thinking about the last time she saw Chloe.

Beca's eyes widened when Chloe walked past without looking at her. She felt the tears stinging her eyes when Chloe grabbed Chicago's tie and pulled him into a clichéd movie-ending-guy-gets-the-girl kiss.

It hurt like Hell, but she couldn't look away. Beca was thankful that it was only a few seconds later when Theo came up to her and pulled her away so she didn't have to watch anymore.

Beca looked for Chloe at the after-party, but she was nowhere to be found. Beca didn't want to know what Chloe was doing, but the kiss kept playing over and over in Beca's mind so she had a pretty good idea. It didn't help that the girls were all going on and on about what Chloe and Chicago were up to.

The next day, after a sleepless night, Beca was up early and she looked and felt like Hell. She was surprised to see all the Bellas waiting to say goodbye when she reached the lobby. Well, all the Bellas except for Chloe. Beca was flying out immediately to Los Angeles with Khaled to begin her new career.

Beca hugged Aubrey last and then nonchalantly looked around.

"I haven't seen her," Aubrey whispered to Beca. "None of us has since she went off with Chicago last night."

"Figures," Beca said bitterly. "It would have been nice if she'd at least hopped off his dick long enough to say goodbye. So much for her always being there for her best friend."

"I'm sorry, Beca," Aubrey said.

"Stop," Beca said, sighing. "This is on me. I don't know why I'm letting it get to me. I knew she would find somebody she wanted to be with sooner or later; I just didn't expect it to hurt so much."

"I'm sure she'll be upset that she missed saying goodbye," Aubrey said. "And then she'll blow up your phone apologizing for it."

"I highly doubt that," Beca said. She turned and faced the Bellas. "I'll see you nerds around. Don't be strangers."

The girls hugged Beca one last time before Theo grabbed Beca's suitcases and led her out of the hotel.

Now, a year later, Chloe was staying in her guest room. And Beca doesn't know how she's supposed to feel about that.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 3 ~~

Chloe sat on the bed in Beca's guest room, looking around. It was nice and Chloe thought she made the right decision to come straight to Beca's after her breakup with Chicago.

Chloe expected Beca would be angry with her, especially after breaking off all communication for the past year. What she didn't expect was such a cold reception from Beca. Not even a hug, or an 'it's good to see you' or 'I missed you.' But, if she was honest with herself, she knew she deserved it.

Chloe took full ownership of her role in Beca's current attitude toward her. After all, she was the one who avoided Beca the morning she flew off with DJ Khaled and she was also the one who broke off all communication with Beca. It was the only way she knew to help her get over her feelings for Beca. Too bad it didn't work out that way.

Chloe sighed and began unpacking her suitcases. She had put most of her clothes away when she saw the photo sitting on the bottom of the last suitcase. She lifted it out and sat down on the bed as she stared at it.

The photo was taken during their trip to Copenhagen for the Worlds. It showed a smiling Beca and Chloe as they stood facing each other under an umbrella. It was one of Chloe's fondest memories of Beca and their time together.

Chloe took the photo and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed. She smiled at the photo and continued putting her things away.

Once Chloe was finished unpacking, she took a deep breath and let it out before exiting the bedroom to go in search of Beca.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 3 ~~

Beca was sitting on the sofa, her brows furrowed as she bit her lip when Chloe found her.

"Hey," Chloe said, causing Beca to look at her.

"Why are you here?" Beca blurted out. "I mean you could have gone home to your folks, or even to Aubrey's. Why did you come here?"

"Wow, she's angrier than I thought," Chloe thought. She cleared her throat and said, "Um, do you mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," Beca said, waving her hand at the sofa.

Chloe sat and faced Beca. She took a deep breath and blurted out, "I broke up with Chicago."

"I'm aware of that," Beca said. "Aubrey already told me. But that wasn't my question. Why are you here? In L.A.? In my house?"

"Because you are kind of one of the reasons we broke up," Chloe said.

"Me?" Beca exclaimed. "I haven't even spoken to you or been around you for a year. How can I be the reason you broke up with him?"

"Just because I haven't seen or talked to you," Chloe said sighing. "Doesn't mean you weren't still present in my mind. And I'm not really blaming you; you were just part of the reason."

"Sounded like you were blaming me," Beca grumbled.

"I wasn't, I swear," Chloe said quickly. "Okay, so the first few months with Chicago were good. Then your song Freedom came out and I couldn't stop talking about it or you. Then when you did that video for the Cups song, it got worse. I missed you and was so proud of you, Beca, I couldn't help but talk about you. I guess Chicago got tired of hearing your name, and after a while, all we did was argue. Not about you, but about everything. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy. He started to stay out late or not come home at all. I couldn't do it anymore so I told him I was coming home and he didn't do anything to stop me."

"Did he cheat on you?" Beca asked.

"I honestly don't know," Chloe said with tears in her eyes. "But, I think he did. That's the main reason I decided to come home. I couldn't trust him anymore."

Beca sighed as she watched a tear fall down Chloe's cheek. She slid over and wrapped her arms around Chloe. Beca held Chloe and let her cry it out.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 3 ~~

Chloe had been staying at Beca's for two months. They had settled into their old ways and were enjoying being around each other again. During the day, Beca would go into the studio to work on her album while Chloe made her way around town trying to find a job. They'd always meet up at night to have dinner together.

It was Thursday, and Beca dragged herself home. It had been a long, grueling day as she and Theo clashed, yet again, over the last two songs she wanted on her debut album.

Beca ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath; her eyes widened and she moaned at the delicious aroma that assaulted her olfactory senses. Suddenly, she realized that soft music was coming from the dining room, mixed in with what sounded like Chloe moving around.

Beca made her way to the dining room, walking in to find Chloe setting a bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots in the middle of the table. Next to them, she saw a platter with a pot roast. It was her favorite home-cooked meal.

"What's all this?" Beca asked, causing Chloe to jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay," Chloe said, smiling at Beca. "I didn't hear you come in. Please sit."

"This looks and smells amazing," Beca said, sitting down at the table. "What's the occasion?"

"I just wanted to do something nice for you," Chloe said, taking the chair next to Beca. "As a thank you for taking me in and letting me stay here."

"I appreciate all this," Beca said, motioning at the food. "But, it's not really necessary; you've already thanked me several times."

"I know," Chloe said, nervously chewing on her lip. "Chicago called me today. He apologized for cheating on me."

Beca huffed. "So, that's what this is," Beca said icily. "You're going back to Chicago, knowing he cheated on you and you want me to be okay with it?"

"Oh, God no," Chloe said, grimacing. "I'm not going to be with someone who cheats on me. He did try and talk me into going back to him, but I told him no."

"Then why are we even talking about this?" Beca asked.

"Because there's something I need to tell you," Chloe said, taking a deep breath before blurting out, "The reason I told Chicago no, is because I'm in love with you."

Beca's face went blank. The only sign that she heard Chloe was the rapid blinking of Beca's eyes as she stared somewhere over Chloe's left shoulder.

"Beca? Are you okay?"

No response.

Chloe patted Beca on the knee saying, "Take your time. I'll be here when you're ready."

Chloe got up and walked into the living room, picking up a few magazines from the coffee table before returning to her seat at the dining room table. She casually flipped through one magazine, glancing up at Beca every so often.

Chloe was just closing another magazine when Beca took it from her and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Becs?"

Beca stared into Chloe's eyes and gently put both hands on Chloe's face, pulling her to her and crashing her lips into Chloe's. Chloe whimpered and put her hands on Beca's to hold her in place.

Their lips moved in sync with each other, before Beca gently pulled back, smiling at Chloe. Chloe smiled back as a tear ran down her cheek. Beca used her thumb to brush the tear away.

"I'm in love with you, too," Beca said, smiling as she claimed Chloe's lips again.

[fangirlshrewt97]

Epiphanies and a Roof Over Their Heads

Fandom: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)

Pairing: Nile Freeman & Nicolo di Genova

Read on AO3

                                                           ///

Nicky hummed as he sipped his hot chocolate, the warmth seeping into his bones, making him melt further into the armchair. A crash of thunder startled him upright, eyes blinking at the subsequent flash of lightning. Sighing, Nicky shifted until he was once again comfortably reclining in the arm chair, one foot on the broad window sill. Closing his eyes again, Nicky allowed his other senses to take over. The taste of warm chocolate still stinging his tongue, the faint strums of music from the spare bedroom Nile had converted into a temporary studio, the plushness of the armchair molding to his body. The nearly overwhelming scent of petrichor and wet trees wafting in from the open window.

They had arrived at the safehouse in Indonesia a few days before, and were waiting for the rest of the team to join them. Andy and Quynh had said they would stop by Vietnam, so it would likely be a week before they showed up. Joe and Booker had said they were en route and would try to be there in a couple days. Given that it was monsoon season, and a cyclone had been spotted, Nicky thought they would probably arrive with Andy and Quynh.

Lifting his other leg to cross his ankles on the window sill, Nicky sipped away at the drink in his hand, just enjoying the rain pouring outside their house, enveloping them in this phantom bubble of isolation from the rest of the world. He had always found peace in the rain, felt like the water washed away all the troubles of the world, at least temporarily. If, of course, they were not forced to trek through treacherous jungles or muddy hills during the downpour.

After some time he heard the faint music cut off, a door opening softly. He took another sip of drink. He tilted his head in Nile’s direction when she finally peaked over the head of the large chair, smiling softly at her sheepish expression.

“Sorry,” she said, “I wasn’t sure if you had fallen asleep.”

“It’s ok sorellina. I was not sleeping.”

Nile came around the armchair, an eyebrow raised as she saw him sprawled comfortably in his perch. “So, what are you doing?”

“Watching the rain.” Nicky replied, one corner of his lips raising in a faint smirk, as Nile let out annoyed groan.

“I thought we said no more dad jokes Nicky!” Nile said petulantly.

Nicky chuckled. “Si, Si, sorry. Would you like some hot chocolate?”

At that Nile brightened. “Yes!”

“There is some in the kitchen, pour yourself some and come join me.” Nicky said, gesturing in the direction of the other armchair.

Nile nodded before disappearing from sight.

Nicky took another sip of the hot chocolate, letting it rest on his tongue for a moment, until the sweetness became too much, and swallowed. Nile was humming happily as she made her way over to him, one hand clutching a mug, the other maneuvering the armchair beside Nicky’s. Nicky placed his mug on the windowsill before helping Nile with the chair. Once she was comfortably settled, he retook his position. Nile opted to curl up in her chair, letting out a small groan of satisfaction as she first tasted the chocolate.

“Swear to god Nicky, I have no idea how you do it, but you make the best stuff.” Nile said, voice slightly fair away.

Nicky beamed at her, a different warmth blossoming in his chest as his dear friend enjoyed one of his creations. “Grazie Nile, we got lucky I still had some of the chocolate I had bought in Belgium. I was planning on making hot chocolate for all of us, but then the call came in.”

“And it’s difficult to make hot chocolate when you are sneaking around the warehouse district of Nice?” Nile asked wryly.

Nicky winked at her, making her snort. Nile leaned her head against the side of the armchair. “You know, I think out of all the different weathers, rain is the strangest to me?”

Nicky tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“We have all kinds of weather in Chicago, but we don’t get that much rain. And then Afghanistan, I mean. It’s Afghanistan, I got used to the heat. But rain like this?” Nile gestured at the window, where the rain was still falling in such strength they could barely see their compound’s wall. “I’ve never really seen it before.”

Nicky made a noise of agreement. “Genoa got a lot of rain. I always liked the rainy days best.”

“Yeah?” Nile asked, that curious wonder still in her voice. She still relished any opportunity to hear about their early years. None of the team had a problem indulging her.

“Si. I always found it very peaceful.”

As if to contradict him, a flash of lightning whited out the world before a rumble of thunder roared overhead.

“Yes, very peaceful.” Nile mumbled into her cup.

“Of course that rain was not quite like this. We had our bad storms, I remember the fishermen were always tense when they expected bad weather.  But for me rain offered me a kind of escape.”

“Escape how?”

Nicky shrugged, taking another sip as he sorted out the words in his head. “Escape like freedom. Like there was no one else except me when it was raining. Rain meant mud and extra chores, laundry that took twice as long to dry. But it also left the earth smelling of life, the flowers seemed to blossom brighter in the aftermath.”

“I can see that.” Nile said after a minute. “So. Did you ever have a epic romantic kiss in the rain?”

Nicky choked slightly on his drink as Nile giggled next to him. “Epic kiss?”

“Yeah, you know how in the movies, one of the romantic scenes is if the two people find each other after having had a fight or something, and then share this huge  kiss while like the music swells around them?”

Nicky chuckled as he shook his head. “I can’t recall anything quite like that.”

Nile pouted at him, making him snort.

“There was one instance though…” he trailed, enjoying how Nile scooted forward in her chair. Nicky closed his eyes, trying to bring the memory to the forefront.

“I must have been around 100, 110? Joe and I had only recently met up with Andy and Quynh, and had been travelling through Europe when Quynh said she wanted to introduce us to her homeland. So, we headed towards Vietnam. It was my first time so far East, and the sights felt like a different world. I had read and heard the stories from the three of them, but nothing quite compares to seeing the lands in person. We got stuck near Bangladesh? Or maybe Assam?

Anyways, we had to stop because the monsoon season hit, and both Andy and Quynh insisted the trip would be more enjoyable when we weren’t soaked to the bone. We found an abandoned house to camp out in for the season, and went about getting it ready. But still, nothing could have prepared me for the ways the skies opened, the way all the water in heaven seemed to fall out at once.”

“Must have been quite the sight.” Nile said softly.

Nicky nodded. “I don’t have the words to describe it. I used to stand by the door for a long time, just watching how the rain seemed to literally fall to the earth, crashing against the soft ground. Finally, maybe three or four days later? I decided I wanted to feel the rain.”

“Feel? Like walk in the rain?”

Nicky nodded once. “I had done it sometimes in Genoa, when I was a little boy. Stood alone in the rain, felt the water wash over me. It left me clean, like it didn’t just wash over my body, but my soul itself. I hadn’t done it in years, but the urge was so strong. When I saw the clouds darken, I stepped out of the house, walking just a few feet away.”

Nicky opened his eyes, training them on Nile, who was staring at him with an intense focus. She made a noise, encouraging him to continue.

“Standing under that monsoon rain. If the Genoan rain seemed to wash my soul, this one seemed to remake me. Each drop hurt as it fell on me, but it felt…like a benediction. I had caused so much death I could still see the blood on my hands. I had finally accepted I loved Joe, and was beginning to accept he mattered more to me than my faith’s claim that loving him was signing my soul for an eternity of damnation. But standing in that rain. None of that mattered. The world didn’t matter. I didn’t matter. And it was ok.

I’m not sure how long I was there, I had fallen to me knees at some point. I was brought back to myself when Joe touched me though. He was shouting something, I couldn’t hear what, but I remember the look in his eyes. I think he thought I had finally lost my mind. I just started laughing, harder than I ever had. It didn’t help ease his concern, but the rain, it had washed me of all the guilt I had been carrying. I pulled him down with me and kissed him. It felt like I was doing it in front of God. It felt like He was telling me it was ok. That I was allowed to live, allowed to love this perfect man I did not feel I deserved but would fight the world to keep by my side.”

The only noise in the room for some minutes after Nicky finished his story was the drumming of the rain.

“Wow.” Nile said finally.

Nicky huffed. “Does that qualify?”

Nile nodded, laughing brightly. “Definitely. Although, for most of the characters the epiphany comes before or after the kiss, not during.”

Nicky shrugged. “Maybe that’s because you can’t see the character’s thoughts as they are kissing.”

Nile nodded her head. “Fair enough.”

Nicky tilted his empty mug towards her. “Care for a refill?”

Nile nodded, getting up and taking his mug. “I’ll fill yours, you look far to cozy to disturb.”

Nicky grinned. “Thank you Nile.”

Nile returned with two full mugs. Nicky grabbed his own, only to pause when Nile held out her own. “To epiphanies in the rain.”

Nicky laughed. “And what epiphany have you had?”

“That I do not want to be a poor sap who has to walk in these conditions. Ever.” Nile said firmly, bobbing her head.

Nicky laughed harder, his mug shaking slightly. “To epiphanies and a roof over our head.”

Nile beamed. “To epiphanies and a roof over our head.”

After they toasted their mugs, they each took a long drink, letting out identical sighs of satisfaction. Giggling, Nile waved her mug. “Thanks for the story Nicky, between that, my art, and this wonderful hot chocolate, I am ready for a nap, and Mother Nature has a great soundtrack on. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sogno di oro, habibti.” Nicky told her as Nile walked away.

Once she was out of sight, Nicky lifted both his feet onto the windowsill, and leaned back on the armchair. Setting the empty mug on the floor, he carefully spread the blanket he had curled beneath his back over his legs. A nap sounded quite nice indeed. And if he could not fall asleep next to Joe, at least he would fall asleep to the sound of rain.

[reminiscing-writer]

Let Him Talk

-

Mostly a way for me to project my feelings of how much I hate when the BAU team dismisses our boy Spence every time he starts to ramble.

Let the man speakkkk

-

Spencer Reid rambled. A lot. It didn't take long after joining the BAU for you to figure this little fact out.

The first time you witnessed this, was when Emily had asked him what he was doing for Halloween. Her question was followed by a long and detailed history of the fellow Doctors favorite holiday. His answer was followed by an eye roll from her.

After that, you and all your colleagues were seated on the jet. This was around the time when JJ was on her maternity leave, and Agent Seaver was conversing with Spencer. You heard her mumble a quick 'Sorry I asked'.

You knew the team never meant any harm by their dismissals, but you also knew it must sting Spencer. After all, you knew first hand what it was like to have your feelings swept under the rug. Slowly, you had started to indicate to Spence you were listening to his rambles. A small nod, a tiny smile.

Now, you and the team were all brainstorming ideas in the local Chicago police department. 4 female bodies in the past month. All of the women were bartenders from the same club. All seemingly poisoned.

You inhaled a sharp breath and pinched the bridge of your nose.

"I think I got it!" Dr. Reid came bursting into the room, grabbing everyone's attention.

Slowly all of the team members followed him back to the room he was working on. Papers and books were scattered all over the floor. (After all, he always said he worked best on the ground.)

His hands got into the weird crab position before the words even left his lips. "The most common date rape drugs- also called club drugs- are flunitrazepam, gamma hydroxybutyric acid, and ketamine. These drugs may come as pills, liquids, or powders. The very few witnesses we do have, all said the same thing. Our vic's were all employees, and as the night went on, they all started to speak with slurred speech, and had a clouded look glaze their eyes. Now, we already now that those are symptoms, or rather, side effects of these 'date rape drugs'," he uses his fingers to air quote, "but-," his explanation continues, when Hotch shoots me a look with raised eyebrows.

The team knew you were all-ears when it came to the Doctors rambles, but even you could see that you were all short on time.

"Spence," you cut him short. You walked closer to him, holding strong eye contact, "The point." He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What is it that you figured out?" You clearified.

"Oh," he blinked, "um- right. The girls mustve been roofied with the standard Rohypnol. Obviously, they wouldn't be allowed to drink on the job. But, they were bartenders, and they would need to drink something. Assuming they have their own water bottles, that's our best bet."

As soon as the Boy Genius stopped speaking, the team quickly rustled out of their seats. Hotch barked orders for Morgan and Rossi to follow him to the workplace of the victims, while Emily and JJ were told to go to the coronors office. You and Spence were instructed to head over to the evidence lockers and look for the girls water bottles.

You jumped to your feet, and before you turned away from Spencer, you quickly stepped closer to him. "Sorry, for cutting you off earlier." You apologized softly.

He shrugged with a half smile, "I'm used to it." He adjusted his satchels strap on his shoulder.

You playfully nudged him with your elbow, smiling, "You can finish your ramble on the plane." His eyes seemingly softened, "Promise." You jokingly blew him an air kiss.

-

He was right. As he always was.

The owner of the bar was drugging the girls water bottles. Not a big enough dose to affect them right away, but enough so that it took them out slowly throughout the day. After their shifts ended, he would play Knight-in-Shining-Armor, and offer them a 'ride home'.

Luckily, Morgan had got a confession out of the bastard before they even got him back to the Police Station. Turns out, he was a bigger wuss than you all thought.

Wrapping up the case was followed by all of team piling back into the tiny jet which brough you guys to Illinois. Emily and Rossi were laughing over a silly game of chess. Hotch was on the phone with Jack, same as how JJ was on FaceTime call with her boys.

You were wrapped up reading a book, seated next to Spence.

He had an eidetic memory. You, however, did not. So, you seemingly forgot about something that was bugging him. Frankly, you barely noticed how the fellow Doctor kept peeping over to you with shy eyes.

He cleared his throat, softly calling you by your nickname, then quickly apologizing for interrupting your reading.

You look over to him, putting an index finger where your reading had paused, "It's alright," you smiled nodding him to go on with his question.

"It's just," he scratched the back of his neck, "you had said that you were interested in listening to the rest of what I had to say about the drugs earlier," he spoke quickly and unsurly, "and if you really were up for it," he seemed to trail himself off.

Your brain clicked at the previous 'promise' you had given him, "Yes! Spence, you gotta remind me, I forgot." You laughed, pulling your legs up onto the seat, and turning your body towards him, "Educate me." You closed the book you were reading, and stuffed it into the back of the seat in front of you.

"Okay," Reid seemed unsure for a split second. All of his confidence slowly found place in his words, as he saw that you were truly interested in his facts. How your eyes lit up at his sentences, and how you would follow his hands actions.

You were fascinated by the man before you.

Why wouldn't you be. Can you imagine having a friend who knows so much? How would you not be endlessly fascinated and enamored? He’s so cute and brave and brilliant and these people do not give him the respect and credit he deserves.

-

-

The last italic part ⬆️ is literally a copy and paste from an OG post of @x-maegana-x

Their post is what honestly really inspired me to write this piece. So hey. Huge credit to them 👌🏻

[gallavictorious]

Fic: Foreign Country

For fuck’s sake... So I got an ask in response to this comment, wherein the lovely nonnie suggested that Ian and Mickey’s reaction to the Kash and Grab would be a reverse sort of situation, with that place holding very happy memories in spite of being a site of trauma (because Kash shot Mickey there). I’m paraphrasing here, obviously... And I spent over a week trying to write the fic that this ask (unintentionally) inspired and now when I posted it Tumblr was messing with the ‘Read more’ so I, stupid and/or tired bastard that I am, deleted the thing to repost it but of course that means the ask is gone aaaaand yeah. I AM SO SORRY NONNIE! :( Hope this one finds you all the same.

Anyway, here’s my resonse:

Ah, yes. Yes! Nonnie, I applaud your dedication to sparking joy and thank you for sharing this delightful reflection! <3 And, uh, it got me thinking about the Kash and Grab and its role as the site of so much that went down with Ian and Mickey in the early years, and yeah, now there’s a ficlet. It involves a trip down memory lane, some angst, some fluff, and a rather startling number of I love you:s. It’s also the reason why it took me so damned long to get back to you… Sorry about that!

Did you ask me to write this? No. Does it stay completely true to your observation rather than carelessly running with it? Also no, but with slightly more regret.  

---

Never returning had not been a conscious choice. Neither was going back.

---

Chicago, on a Thursday afternoon in early October, and the air is unusually crisp when Ian steps out from the ambulance station. He's been working the early shift and now he pauses on the sidewalk and turns his face towards the sun, considering. No one's expecting him for another few hours, and it's a fine day: maybe he needn't rush home. Maybe he could walk for a bit.

It's an idea. He's feeling restless, though not the sort of restless that heralds the on-set of a manic episode (or so he thinks, but he makes a mental note to keep an eye out for other signs, and maybe mention it to Mickey). But yeah. He could walk for a bit, then maybe find a station for the L when he tires.

So he walks. Walks and walks and doesn’t tire, and eventually he finds himself on a familiar street and outside a familiar store and he realizes with a start that he hasn't been here in years. Hadn't even known the store was still open, but the sign on the door proudly proclaims it so, and above it the name remains the same, white letters on red: Kash and Grab.

Huh. Without making a conscious decision to, he's stopped walking and is just standing there, staring at the store. The sight of it brings a strange jumble of emotions, and the quietly jarring mingle of familiarty and distance that comes from returning to a place where once you did belong, but belong no longer.

The last time he stood here was the day before he ran off to join the Army, leaving Linda with nothing more than a short message on her phone. That’s more than what his family got, so he hopes she wasn’t too upset. He never asked; never came back; never really thought back – until now.

He hesitates for a moment, then walks up to the door and steps inside. He’s running low on smokes anyway.

It's the smell that hits him first. It hasn't changed, and brings him back to the days when it would cling to his clothes and follow him home, a not unpleasant but distinctive whiff of frozen food and sweet spices.

The interior hasn't changed much either. There’s a kid behind the counter that looks to be in his early teens, and Ian wonders if it’s one of Kash’s sons, if Linda's still running the store. He could ask, but who knows what Linda's told her kids about the teenager who fucked their closeted father before he ran off?

He glances at the boy again – and yeah, he could be Kash's, there's something about the eyes and the chin – and wonders if he ever looked that young when he manned the register. Wonders if that's what he looked like to Mickey, when he'd come into the store to just take whatever the hell he wanted, wether it was chips or, later, Ian's fucking breath away.

Ian Gallagher. You messed with the wrong girl.

And just like that, it's like no time's passed, and he's 15 and 16 and 17 again; he's doing it with Kash and he thinks he loves him; he excels at ROTC and dreams of Westpoint; his mother is alive and he doesn’t yet know that Frank isn’t his father at all – it hardly matters anyhow, because Fiona is there, as she has always been there, as he still thinks she will always be.

She got out and good for her. If she'd stayed here, she'd never been free of her role as sister-mother – never free to be Fiona. And as for him... he'd mourned the army dream when it died, but knows now that it was an uninformed dream, one he would not have cared to live even if  given the opportunity.

Glancing at the counter where he used to open his trigonomy textbook he feels no regret, though perhaps a twinge of sadness for the loss of that optimistic, determined kid, who had not had an easy life by any means, but who had yet to take any real blows, any blows that truly mattered. Those had come later (had come in this very store, some of them) and standing here, where he'd spent so much time as a child and none as a man, he feels something of that kid returning. Remembers the weight of the hundreth can put on a shelf; feels the ghost of a (too) easy smile on his lips; sees himself as he moves between the backroom and counter and fridge.

And everywhere he looks, there is Mickey. Mickey, in a dirty coat or a security west, angry and rough and funny and sometimes with the briefest flash of something softer, sweeter. He is stealing and scaring of thieving kids and restocking the shelves and plotting to murder Frank and moaning as Ian pushes into him.

He is on the floor, too, cursing Kash but otherwise strangely unaffected by having been shot. Ian thinks he might have been more scared and upset than Mickey. It strikes him now as a moment of innocence lost; your lover shot by a jealous ex, a real gun and real blood and what if Kash had had better aim? This was a thing that happened in the world, and if that could happen – anything could.

It strikes him, too, as a turning point: Mickey going away could easily have spelled the end of their intense but brief affair. For all they knew each other's bodies they hadn't really know each other back then, and while Ian had been crushing hard he had not yet loved Mickey. Perhaps they might both have moved on, found other lives and loves. Perhaps that had still been possible, then.

Or perhaps not. It was the first time they were separated and the first time they found their way back to one another, but not the last. It's a dance of coming together and coming apart and coming together, again and again, and they've traced its steps for close to a decade, never once stopping, not truly.

Because even in the absences, Mickey had been, is; there, always, in the stretches of time when he was locked up in juvie; in the eager hours of wating for him to show up at the store; in the exact distance between them at any given time.

Ian can still feel the jolt, like a punch to his gut, like electricity, of looking up from stacking oranges and finding blue eyes staring straight into his.

He remembers the last time they were in here together, when him and his siblings had been taken away by the CPS and Mickey invited him to crash at his place. He remembers his giddy delight at the question, his excitement at the realization that Mickey wanted to spend time with him. He had been so nervous, and looking back, knowing what he now knows, he thinks that Mickey might have been fucking terrified, but there'd been such ease to that evening and night; such familiarty and tenderness. And oh, the sex had been fantastic.

He tries to remember only this, not what came after with the morning light and a door suddenly slammed open –

Mickey had never returned to the store after that, and a few months later Ian had left for the army. Not really for the army, though; what he'd been moving towards had not been nearly as important as what he was moving away from.

Stings, still, that memory; but less than it once did, and as he strolls down the aisles, noting where the pickled cucumber jars have been replaced with tins of tuna and where the small bottles of cheap olive oil still remain, he is surprised to find himself... okay. For a long time, so much of his past had been a painful, tangled thing he did his best to forget, and even after he made his peace with it, he made a point of looking forward rather than back. Now he thinks that maybe, if you're happy with where you ended up, the hardships of the road which led you there are easier to bear.

Doesn't make everything that happened right; just... yeah. Easier to bear.

He buys a pack of cigarettes. The kid behind the counter is eyeing him suspiciously, but Ian thinks that has more to do with him walking around the store and staring at random things rather than with the boy recognizing him from some lurid tale of Linda's. Ian almost asks him to say hello to her from him, but nah. Let old dogs lie.

Outside, twilight is coming on, and there's a slight chill to the air now that the sun is sinking. Ian lights a cigarette and sucks the smoke deep into his lungs. This, too, is familiar, and for a moment he feels unthethered, unsure of when he is, who he is.

Without really thinking about it, he picks up his phone. Mickey's still working but can't be too busy because he answers on the second signal: “Hey.”

“Hey,” Ian says, and then he doesn't say anything else for long enough that Mickey asks him if he fucking wanted something or he's just being a creepy ass phone stalker.

It makes Ian smile. Grounds him. “I love you,” he says.

A beat. “You called me at fucking work to tell me that?” And Ian knows that the gruff disbelief is partially an attempt to cover Mickey's surprised delight at the proclamation.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he says. Waits for a moment, but Mickey is silent. “You gonna say it back?”

“You fucking serious?”

“Kinda need to hear it.” Because he gets to say that; gets to ask for that. They're not kids not anymore and they don't need to hide. They’re fucking married.

That is real. That is now.

“Jesus Christ, Ian.” But then Mickey, as Ian knew he would, relents. “I love you,” he says, and Ian doesn't know if he's already alone or if he just doesn't care who overhears him, because he doesn't lower his voice or take the time to move somewhere more private.

A brief silence as neither of them speak, but simply rest in the warmth of the words, the truth of them.

Then: “Are you okay?” There's a trace of real worry in Mickey's voice now, and there's a part of Ian's that immediately annoyed because he hates that people worry about him so easily – but a larger part of him has made his peace with it; knows and accepts the reason for it; loves that Mickey loves him enough to worry.

So he offers a brief smile, even though Mickey cannot see it. Hopes it translates into his voice.  “Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, I promise, it's just... I'll tell you when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.” And maybe Mickey isn't convinced but he takes Ian's word for it. Trust. That's another thing they've been doing better with. “I'll see you in maybe an hour then? I get off at five.”

”Yeah, I'll see you then.” And, because he can, because it's true: ”I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you fucking said that already.” A brief pause, then quietly: “I love you, too.”

They hang up. Throwing one last look at Kash and Grab before he walks off, Ian is pleased to realize that he feels nothing but a vague sense of affection for the place. Some things withered and was left here, sure, youthful dreams and ambitions and most of his naivite – but the best thing about it he kept, and Ian will see him soon and hold him soon, and this time he will neither leave nor let him go. Their new dance will move to a different beat.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 10

A/N: Thank you for your patience. There is no smut this chapter. That will be the next Before chapter. I liked ending it on a cute note between Addy and Monty. Feedback is appreciated. 

Keeping my relationship with Montgomery was easier and more thrilling than I expected it to be. There were stolen kisses in alcoves, a seemingly endless string of text messages, dates disguised as studying, and a few more sleepovers than anticipated. My friends and family had yet to pick up on anything and we were going on a month and a half of dating. I wonder how long we can keep this up. Surely it won’t be much longer.

An unseasonably chilly Monday morning in early November, I woke up before my alarm and snuggled under the covers. I had just fallen asleep again when my alarm went off. Groaning, I sat up and crawled out of bed. I breezed through my morning routine and threw on a black knitted sweater with a pair of dark wash ripped jeans. I grabbed a t-shirt to throw in my bag in case it got hot without looking. My hair was thrown up into a messy, yet styled bun and my current daily makeup was applied.

My parents were enjoying their morning coffees at the island when I came downstairs. Noticing me, my mom sat up straighter and dad cleared his throat. Uh oh. “Morning.” I greeted, timidly.

“Morning sweetie.”

“Morning.”

“What’s going on?”

“Your father and I were just talking about this weekend.”

“Alright? Why did you clam up as soon as I walked into the room?”

“You know I have that conference in Chicago this weekend.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s been on the calendar for months. What’s the big deal?” I asked, as I made my way around the kitchen getting my breakfast ready.

“I found out this morning that Dave has a family thing this weekend, so I have to go to Scottsdale in his place.” “Okay. You’ll both be out of town at the same time. What’s the big deal?”

“No need for tone Addison.” My dad scolded. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“It’s not a big deal at all Addy. It is just short notice is all.” Mom added.

“The usual rules apply, you know. No crazy parties. Only Justin is allowed over and he sleeps in the guestroom.”

“I assumed.” I nodded and looked at the clock on the wall. Finishing the last of my breakfast, I gathered my books, threw the shirt in my bag, and grabbed my car keys. “I’ll be home later than usual. I have an assignment to work on after school.”

“We will leave some dinner out for you. Have a good day at school.”

“Mhmm. Of course you will.” Dad muttered, checking his phone for the probably millionth time since he got up.

When I got to school, there was a strange buzz in the air. People were whispering amongst themselves. That in and of itself wasn’t out of the ordinary, but the way they died down when certain people-mainly girls-passed, was a dead giveaway. Nothing changed when I walked past which was fine by me. “Before you say anything, it wasn’t me.” Justin said as he slid next to me at my locker. I sighed.

“What wasn’t you?” I grumbled. I was still annoyed with him for the photo of Hannah that got sent around.

“The list.” He stated, shrugging, as though I would know what that meant. “And I know you’re still mad at me but Addy please. You know I wouldn’t send something like that around. You know how Bryce is.”

“I know. But you also didn’t do anything to stop it. What list?”

“I said I was sorry.”

I sighed heavily. “If I decide to let it go, will you tell me what the hell you are talking about?”

“Yes.” He nodded eagerly.

“Fine. I forgive you or let it go or whatever. Now what?”

“There’s this list going around. You aren’t on it but it like… rates girls.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yeah, why the tone of surprise? We go to Liberty High.”

I shrugged, knowing he wasn’t entirely wrong. “I’m not. It doesn’t make it okay though. Do you know who made it?”

“Rumour has it, it was Standall.” I shook my head in disbelief and closed my locker. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I smiled slightly, even though I was still horrified at the situation.

As stupid as the list is you’d still top mine.

That list is deplorable Montgomery.

Deplorable, huh? New vocab words?.

Yeah. I gotta head to class. Text you during break.

Sure thing. Everything okay?

Yeah. I’m just tired, no worries.

I locked my phone as we passed Justin’s friends, all clearly pouring over the list. I tried to ignore the slight sting in my chest as I heard Monty join in. I knew he had to play along to keep up appearances with his friends, but it still sucked having to listen to the bragging and hoopla of the group. I must have sighed aloud or something because Justin stopped me a few feet away.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah. It was just a long weekend is all.”

“Did you want to cut and talk? I know you aren’t thrilled with me or anything right now, but I’m still your best friend.”

I paused, thinking for a moment, before nodding. “Yeah, sure.”

We walked to a side exit and made it seem as though we were getting a forgotten book from my car.

After we checked that the coast was clear, I drove to Monet’s for a to go order and continued to our spot by the hiking trails overlooking town.

I took a long sip of my latte and stared out at the skyline. “Dad just frustrates me sometimes.” I stated.

“I know.”

“It’s like I’m only worth paying attention to when he needs something. Any other time, I doubt he would even know if I was there or not. Or if he wants to share his opinion on one of my life choices.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“No. Yes. I guess?” I shrugged. “This weekend mom and I were talking about college and what I would be interested in doing, nothing serious, just talking. And all of the sudden, dad comes in from his office and is all ‘that’s a waste of a degree’ and all this other crap. She tried to get him to let it go but he just wouldn’t hear it. Eventually she gave up to go work on her paper and he just went on and on. I know that it’s not what he imagined for me, but it’s what I want. And its not like we were being super serious about anything. I have time to change my mind still.”

“Well what were you guys saying?” “We were talking about what courses I could take that would be general enough to use for any major should I choose to switch and what courses would be a waste of time. I have two years to decide this stuff Justin. We were just talking and having girl time.”

“Of course he had an issue with that.” He muttered. “What happened after Margot left?”

“I was tired of him yelling at me and so I snapped. I called him out on his bull and told him it was all hypothetical at this point anyway so what does it even matter? He didn’t think it was appropriate to take that kind of tone with him. I told him where he could shove it and slammed my door on him. I ended up staying in my room all day yesterday.”

“Wow. He really needs to… I don’t know what. But whatever it is, he needs to do it.”

“Tell me about it. And then this morning, I found out that they’re both going away on business this weekend because Dave can’t make it, and he was acting like I was going to throw a ragger or something. You know, when he bothered to look up from his phone and acknowledge my existence.”

Justin shook his head. “I’m sorry Addy. It’s not like he would know if I came over and slept in your room though. Keep you company.”

I mulled it over for a while I was going to see if Montgomery wanted to come over. “Nah, I think I’ll be alright. It’s only a couple of days.” I checked my watch and noticed that first period was almost over. “We should get going, I have an assignment due next period.” Justin nodded and we silently gathered our things.

“I really am sorry about what happened with the photos.” Justin finally said as we walked back into school.

“I’m not the one you need to tell that to. But telling her is a decision that is in your hands.”

“I know. It’s just high school though. Not like anything serious will come of it.” He said, brushing the whole ordeal off. I shrugged, not really having an opinion. The bell rang and it just so happened that we were near one of Jessica Davis’ classes. I caught Justin’s eyes wandering her body and I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t even say it, you creep.” I joked, immediately knowing what he was thinking.

“What? I wasn’t going to say anything.” He shrugged, giving me that puppy dog look that he is convinced absolves him of all his sins. I shook my head and shoved him playfully. Before I could say anything else, I heard my name being called from up the hall.

Turning, I saw Jeff waving me over. “Addison. Hey, come over here for a minute. We need a girl’s perspective on something, and Leah is busy.” Perplexed, I turned Justin, who shrugged at me. I sighed as we made our way over to the small group of boys, gathered around Jeff’s locker. I nodded politely at Garrison and turned my attention to Jeff. “Yes Jeff?”

“My less… experienced friends here, seem to think that the list going around is just a joke. Something to be laughed at.”

Of course, this is about the damn list. Fucking Standall. I made brief eye contact with Monty and he raised his brow slightly. He looked intrigued. “Right. Well I can assure you that as a woman, if someone I was interested in or seeing, thought it was funny or meaningless, there would be much more talking and consideration on my part before any more… experience… were to occur.” I explained, choosing my words carefully. I watched discreetly as my words sank in and Monty’s face pinched ever so slightly.

“See? What did I tell you? Girls care about these things. Now why don’t you all run along and try to be decent human beings for another hour until lunch.” Jeff laughed.

“Ugh. I need to run. Don’t want my English assignment to be late. Later Justin. See you Jeff. Boys.”

Walking to lunch as I read a not school related novel, I was shocked when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. I let out a quiet shriek reflexively. “Relax, it’s just me.” Monty said, letting me go.

I took a deep breath as he wrapped his arms around me. “Hey.” I sighed against his chest.

“Missed seeing you this morning.”

“Me too. I had some stuff to do before school.”

“It didn’t have anything to do with the list? I thought you and Alex were friends.”

“No, it didn’t. And we aren’t friends necessarily. More like acquaintances. After this little stunt, I’m not sure I want to be friends with him.”

“That’s totally up to you Addison. How was your weekend?” Do I want to talk to him about it? Not really. At least not now.

“It was okay. Yours?”

“It was alright. Spent the weekend with Bryce.”

“Sounds like fun.” I murmured.

“His parents are in Cuba or Mexico or something.”

“Lovely.” Good for them. “That reminds me, my parents are both going to be out of town this weekend for work stuff. You can come over if you want?”

I looked up at him, watching him organize his schedule in his mind. “I’ll have to double check but I think I can come over after the game Friday.”

“Sounds good. Just let me know before Friday.” I gave him a hug and my phone vibrated in my front pocket.

“Damn Addy, what are you packing today? And why didn’t you lead with that when you asked about this weekend?” He joked, smirking jovially.

“It’s my phone you fiend.” I smirked back, rolling my eyes. I left the response in reference to this weekend open ended. You never know what might happen.

Checking my phone, I glanced at my texts. It was from Justin. Did you get locked in the bathroom or something? Where are you? “Shit, Justin wants to know where I am. I’ll see you in chem.” Had to ask Mr. David a question about this week’s reading and we got talking. I’ll be there in a minute. Don’t worry about saving me a seat, I need to talk some sense into Alex before he digs himself into a deeper hole.

Fair.

I walked up to Alex determined to give him a piece of my mind. I cleared my throat and he looked around, cutting Bryce off. “Addy. Hey, what’s up?” He asked nonchalantly. I arched my brow, hoping to convey my displeasure. You’re dealing with a boy here. Justin was watching me from his seat at the table. When we made eye contact, he seemed unsure if he should be standing up to stop this or if he should sit back and watch the show. I glanced towards the cafeteria door when Monty walked in, waltzing to his usual seat at the table. I felt myself becoming ballzier as the boy’s attention was caught.

“That was a really shitty thing to do Alex.”

“What was?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. The list.”

“You care enough to talk to me about it?”

“Awe, is the little bookworm upset she wasn’t included?” Bryce mocked. Justin’s head twitched towards him quickly, readying himself to step in.

“Shut the fuck up Walker. I’m not in the mood for your sexist bullshit today.” His and Alex’s eyes widened at my response, not used to me speaking my mind like that. “I’m not friends with Jessica or Hannah, but that doesn’t matter. And there were other girls on it. Comparing girls is a fucked up thing to do. I get you’re upset or whatever because of whatever happened between the three of you, but that kind of thing can ruin people’s lives.”

“It’s just a list Addison. It was for fun.”

“This time it was. It’s only fun until someone gets hurt. For your sake, I sincerely hope no one does.” Having said my piece, I turned and walked away. I noticed Tony Padilla watching the ordeal unfold with his boyfriend, Ryan Shaver. Nodding to them, I scanned the room for a place to sit. My eyes skipped over Hannah sitting by herself at the end of a table. They landed on Jeff sitting with Leah and Clay. I walked up to them and waved to sit.

“Hey Addy.” Clay greeted. I took the proffered seat and pulled out my chemistry textbook.

“Hey Clay. How goes the tutoring?”

“It goes.” Jeff responded.

“He’s more interested in Clay’s love life than the material.” Leah added.

“I see. Love life? What does the love life of Clay Jensen look like?”

“Hannah Baker.” Jeff smirked.

My eyebrows raised, impressed. “Justin says she’s sweet.”

“Justin is an ass.”

“He’s my best friend. And he’s not an ass. He’s just… selective about who he likes.”

“Addy, that’s polite for ‘he’s an ass’.” Clay responded, turning his attention back to Jeff. “Focus Jeff….” I tuned out the educational bits of what they were talking about, instead focusing on my own schoolwork. Justin texted me, breaking my concentration.

Bryce says you need to stop hurting his feelings.

Well tell Bryce and his tiny dick… I mean ego, he can grow up and if he didn’t say stupid shit, I wouldn’t have to. I looked up to watch his reaction. He ducked his head and bit his lip to hold back a laugh. Bryce tried to grab his phone to see what I said, but he slid it in his pocket quickly. I caught Monty quirk his brow at me and smiled softly at him. Pulling up his contact, I shot him a quick text. Don’t worry about it.

On my way to chemistry after lunch, I ran to the washroom to change quickly because I was starting to sweat. “Addy.” I vaguely heard a voice call behind me. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things or not, so I ignored it. “Addison.” The voice called again. Again, I ignored it. “Yo. Hawthorne.” This time, it was much closer. I pulled out an earbud and looked to my left. Montgomery was walking beside me, trying to fall in step.

“Oh hey. Since when do you say ‘yo’ to me?”

“When I call you like four times and you don’t say anything.”

“Sorry, I was listening to a new album. Got a little too into it.” I turned to him again and he was scanning me appraisingly. “Hey. My eyes are up here buddy. Also I’m Justin’s friend so I don’t know what you think is going to come of you looking at me like that.” I chastised, noticing a couple of people stopping to watch us. When they looked away, I smiled at him brightly.

“Well I was thinking something along the lines of those little cookie sandwiches you make Justin all the time.”

I smirked. “Macarons? Try again in three months. Need to make sure you’re worth the effort of those delicious little hell circles.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” We arrived at our chem class and before he walked to his seat, he slipped in one more comment. “Nice shirt by the way.” I thought nothing of it until I was changing into my pyjamas that night. No wonder people were looking. Hopefully we don’t need damage control.

The rest of the week passed with few incidents. Hannah and Jess’ not talking was even more strict now. My dad was preoccupied with getting ready for his trip, so he left me alone for the most part. Monty and I continued as we had been, discussion of Monday and the list set aside for now. He had confirmed plans with me Wednesday night. I heard him confirm to Bryce that he had family coming to town this weekend, so he had to be home. I smirked into my book as I passed them. If Justin noticed, he didn’t say anything.

Friday morning, I was digging through my locker for my biology assignment, which had mysteriously disappeared from its place in my binder, when I felt someone beside me. “I told you Justin, I’m fine by myself this weekend. I’ll probably just watch SVU reruns or something.”

“Not Justin, but SVU doesn’t sound like a bad time.” Monty laughed. I jumped, not expecting him.

“Hi.” I said, still digging through my locker.

“What are you looking for?”

“My biology assignment. It’s due in like fifteen minutes and I can’t find it anywhere.” I heard him rummage through his bag briefly.

“You mean this biology assignment?”

I whipped my head around and frowned at him. In his hand, was my worksheet, slid neatly in a sheet protector. My frown softened and I looked at him questioningly. “Where did you find that?” He held it out to me.

“You left it on your desk in chemistry yesterday, so I grabbed it for you.” In my relief that my assignment wasn’t gone, I hugged him quickly.

“Thank you thank you thank you. You are literally a life saver right now.”

He chuckled before coughing slightly. “School.” He muttered to me.

“Shit yeah. Sorry.” I mumbled as I let go of him. “Justin isn’t making me go to the game, so is it okay if I skip it? I’ll make you congratulations dinner.”

“Sounds fair. What’s for dinner?”

“I haven’t decided yet. Depends what we have in the fridge. Also how do you feel about boardgames?”

“Love them as long as I’m not playing with Scott.”

“Last I checked, I’m not Scott so that’s good. I’ll see you at my place. You can finally have a proper tour of the house and see what it’s like coming in the front door.”

“Looking forward to it.”

After school, I checked what we had in the fridge. “Hmm… leftover lasagna, pork chops, ground something. Six different kinds of cheese.” Next was the pantry, “we have like eight different kinds of noodles. Could do mac and cheese.” Hey babe, how does mac and cheese sound?

That sounds good.

Okay. Good luck tonight. He didn’t respond so I went upstairs to change, after connecting my phone to the Bluetooth in the living room. “Hey Siri, play I Prevail playlist.”

“Okay, playing I Prevail playlist.” Instantly, the heavy sounds of guitar and bass riffs filled my home. I changed into the shirt I wore the other day and a pair of shorts, so I was comfortable for the night.

While dinner was cooking, I gathered a few boardgame options and an extra pillow for Montgomery, humming and singing softly to myself. He knocked on the door around seven. “It’s open.” I called from my place at the stove. He walked in and I could feel his eyes on my body, though I ignored it and the butterflies it caused in my stomach.

“I didn’t think you would like whatever this is. It’s also loud. Hear it outside loud.” He spoke into my ear, causing me to jump, yet again. He needs to stop doing that. I might buy him a bell for his birthday.

“Jeez. Hey Siri, pause music.” The music cut off. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. And there is no other way to listen to this.” I smirked mysteriously.

“Somehow I doubt that but okay Addy.” He kissed my cheek softly and I felt the dampness of his hair against my face.

“Please tell me that isn’t sweat.”

“I showered after the game. Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” I caught him reaching out for the lid of the mac and cheese.

“Hot!” I exclaimed, reaching out to stop him. “I took it out of the oven like ten minutes ago and it’s cast iron.” He nodded.

“How’s about that tour?” He asked, patting my butt as he moved to step around me back to the island. I surprised him when my hips followed his hand as he pulled it away. Turning to watch him suck in a sharp breath, I giggled.

“Don’t be getting any ideas there, buddy.” He muttered something under his breath I couldn’t catch. It sounded like something about “innocent” and “has no idea”. Before he could make any further comment, I clapped my hands together. “Tour. Starting here, I guess. This is the main floor.” I spread my arms, expositorily. Taking his hand, I led him back to the front door. “Front closet. Feel free to hang your coat up here or put it on this… lovely… piece of furniture Gran insisted we keep”, indicating towards the brown antique looking catch all bench that matched approximately zero of our other décor. “Lovely. Sure. That’s one word for it.” He chuckled.

“Mum asked Dad if we could keep it in the garage and only bring it back out the once a year Gran comes back stateside. The trouble is, this thing weighs like two hundred pounds because it’s all solid wood. It lives here because we aren’t doing that twice a year. This is the living room. We sit and watch TV here. The La-z-boy is off limits. Dad will know if someone sits in it before he steps in the house.”

“Noted.”

“You’ve seen the kitchen. Nothing too special here, except the fancy coffee machine we use on weekends or when company is here. Justin loves it. Dining room is there, we use it on holidays or when family is in town. And finally, the main floor powder room. Don’t think I need to explain much here. There is extra soap in the bottom drawer of the vanity.”

“Nice.” He smiled, looking around.

“Upstairs?”

“Lead the way m’lady.” I looked at him, my face melting into a confused frown. He shrugged at me.

“I have my own secrets Addy.” I nodded, leading him upstairs. The upstairs consists of a hallway with doors, so it was easy for me to point out the rooms. “Guest bathroom at the end of the hall-extra soap under the sink, same goes for my bathroom, guest room, office, my room, and my parents’ room is at the other end of the hall.” With the tour finished, we went back downstairs for dinner. We ate in comfortable silence, sneaking coy glances at each other.

“Ready to lose at Monopoly?” He asked, looking at the stack of games sitting on the coffee table.

“Ha! You wish.” We quickly set up the game and got comfortable in the living room. I grabbed the blanket off the couch and wrapped myself up in it. When I looked up, Montgomery was looking at me with the softest face I had ever seen him wear. “What?” I blushed.

“You look cozy. It’s cute.” He muttered. I smiled softly and ducked my head to hide my deepening blush.

“Shut up and pick a piece.”

“Ladies first.” I quickly grabbed Scottie Dog. He chose the race car and so began the most intense, hilarious game of Monopoly ever played. There was swearing left and right. We laughed at each other when we got crappy Chance cards. There may also have been some cheating, but we pretended not to notice if we caught it. Monty won unfortunately and I sulked for a minute before grabbing Ticket to Ride Europe. Again, it was intense and close until the final tally. He got longest route for ten extra points, smiling triumphantly to himself. That is, until we counted up cards and I had over a hundred more points. His smile dropped of his face immediately.

“What? How did you do that?” I handed him my cards.

“Many, many small routes I already had.”

“Mhmm.” He squeaked. After a few more games, we decided to call it a night and head up to bed.

[beca-mitchell]

fool’s gold (1/1)

Summary: Beca finds herself in Colorado bidding on a date with one Chloe Beale. Accidentally, of course. Besides, it’s for charity. Set after PP3.

Word count: 4,216

Rating: T

Read below or on AO3.

Beca finds out about it accidentally. A total accident wherein she did not intend to find out this information. She had been perusing the Bellas groupchat, a chat which she had been slightly too busy to participate in recently, when something caught her eye.

Chloe’s name plus the word “date”. It had taken a few tries and a few shaky swipes of her finger before she figures out that Chloe is participating in some charity event.

Beca hesitates at first, about to type out a message to Chloe right in the groupchat, but she quickly switches over to her private conversation with Chloe and winces when she realizes that her and Chloe haven’t really kept up an ongoing text conversation (and hardly any phone calls) over the past few months.

Beca sighs, flipping back to the groupchat and hoping against hope that somebody else—probably Aubrey or Flo—will ask Chloe about it.

Flo F. What kind of charity is it?

Chloe Every year, the senior vet students run some kind of fundraiser. This year it's for research. In the past, this auction thing has been a huge hit!!

Fat Amy So you’re selling your body? Nothing wrong with that of course.

Chloe No, I’m just…auctioning off a date.

Beca puts her phone down slowly.

Had three and a half years really flown by that quickly? Chloe was almost done with veterinary school and Beca felt like she was still struggling to stay afloat herself.

Well, that was a little untrue. Six Billboard Top 100 hits, a Grammy nomination, a North American tour with an international tour on its way, her first album had gone platinum with the second hot on its heels—

It’s just that Chloe Beale had always seemed so wholly unattainable even with everything that had transpired between them. And Beca wasn’t completely stupid, she knew some of this was her own fault, but life just came at her too fucking fast.

(This being the whole ‘we definitely have feelings for each other but we are also definitely not doing anything about it because one of us is in Colorado and the other is in California sometimes but not always’ thing. God, that always knocked the wind out of Beca. In any case, it had been one weekend of Chloe visiting Los Angeles and a drunken kiss that led to a little more, but nothing really, then an unspoken decision to never speak about it again.

Yeah. This.)

— — — — — 

It takes Beca another two hours to finally message Chloe and she almost has a heart attack when she pulls up their conversation.

Chloe’s last sweet dreams! xo stares back at her accusingly. 

Beca So, a date huh?

She groans. 

Yes, obviously a date. Aubrey already asked for more details an hour ago and the groupchat had long moved on.

Chloe’s reply is nearly instantaneous.

Chloe ?? 

Beca The whole auction thing you know for charity 

Chloe oh haha, yeah. It’ll be nothing. Just some rich student with too much to spend. I don’t have my hopes up or anything.

 But if Chloe could have her hopes for somebody in particular…Beca’s fingers tap anxiously on the edge of her table as she stares back at Chloe’s innocent-enough message.

  Beca oh, well fingers crossed lol

Chloe yeah.

 Beca winces at the one-word response, telling herself not to read too much into it—it doesn’t mean anything, they’re fine, they’re fine, they’re fine—

  Chloe I miss you

She sighs in relief.

Beca miss you too chlo

— — — — —

“You didn’t ask her out yet?” is Theo’s confused inquiry. “Wait, you weren’t dating already?”

“Just—just look up flights to Colorado.”

“I’m not your assistant, just in case you forgot.”

“I know, but Jeff’s on the fritz today and I don’t need another snide remark from him.”

“Snide remark? About what?”

“…about Chloe.”

“Ah.”

 — — — — — 

 Beca isn’t sure how she ends up here, but she ends up doing some casual research about this supposed senior tradition at CSU’s veterinary college and it ends up being more of a thing than Beca originally expects. Like a super serious thing where people buy tickets to attend. 

All proceeds go to the National Animal Disease Center and the Animal Welfare Institute. Tickets at the door will be $55.

Beca stares at the long list of details and scrolls for an embarrassing amount of time until she finds a list of “Auction Participants”. She exhales noisily through her nose when she finds Chloe’s name, surprised to see separate profiles attached to all the students participating.

Chloe Beale, Rising 4th Year Veterinary Student, DVM Candidate

Chloe enjoys singing and morning runs. She will probably fight you over whether the CSU Rams could hold up against the Barden University Knights. In her spare time, she enjoys volunteering at Larimer Humane Society as well as the CSU Zoo. You might have seen her running a few weekend educational programs for children 10 and under.

PS. She’s single!

Beca isn’t sure what grates on her more, the fact that the description doesn’t say anything about how Chloe hums her favorite songs when she gets nervous, or how Chloe’s hair grows at least a shade and a half lighter during the summer, or—or how Chloe can talk at length about nearly anything if she thinks it’s something that another person will find interesting. She is selfless and beautiful inside and out. 

And that last line. Beca’s fist clenches. She isn’t sure why it annoys her so much, but she hates the idea of this auction gimmick even if she knows instinctively that it is all in good fun and Chloe genuinely wouldn’t have consented to it if she didn’t believe in it or trust everybody who would be participating. Still, maybe Beca doesn’t want Chloe to…be single.

Her brow furrows at that last tapered-off thought.

To distract herself, she taps Theo’s number into her phone and waits with bated breath.

“Hello?”

“Did you book the ticket yet?” she asks in lieu of greeting.

She’ll let his amused chuckle slide this once.

 — — — — — 

 So maybe it isn’t really an accident.

She’s in Fort Collins, Colorado, on a beautiful but pretty damn chilly campus. Beca pulls her windbreaker tighter around herself and tugs her scarf up over her mouth and nose. She hasn’t been recognized yet, but she has a suspicion that there have been two young ladies following her, but she can’t be certain.

Though her fame is manageable, it still flares up unexpectedly and at inopportune times.

Like the last time she had visited Chloe on campus and they had spent the weekend eating at Chloe’s favorite spots and drinking cheap wine until they were laughing and leaning heavily against each other. Beca had loved the scent of Chloe’s shampoo as it wafted up from where Chloe had her head pressed against Beca’s shoulder and neck, her giggles tapering off into nothing. Back then, they hadn’t kissed yet—Beca was still recovering from the sting of seeing Chloe kiss Chicago even though it had happened months prior, but nothing had ever transpired.

And for a moment, when Chloe lifted her head off Beca’s shoulder, Beca had thought Chloe was going to kiss her. And she wouldn’t have minded, not at all. It had been something she had been thinking about for so long that Beca’s heart began to pound in anticipation. Then Chloe’s roommate had let herself into the apartment despite Chloe’s insistence they were going to be alone and she had recognized Beca surprisingly quick considering Beca had only one or two viral music videos released at the time. Beca hadn’t been sure, but Chloe had looked supremely disappointed.

Focusing back on the present, Beca gazes at the familiar, yet unfamiliar campus. She had made sure earlier that there hadn’t been a completely strict dress code for the event and opts for a loose wool sweater and nice jeans (a memory of Chloe’s fleeting “those jeans make your ass look good” passes through her mind, but she pays it no mind). She buys a lanyard with the CSU name and mascot emblazoned on it. Just to add to the look.

She finds the student center soon enough. Happy to be out of the chill for a moment, Beca pulls her scarf down but leaves her toque on, keeping it tight over her eyebrows.

“Hey,” a voice calls instantly and Beca jumps because for a moment, it sounds like Chloe. But that would be impossible, she’s barely been there five seconds— “I know you, you’re Chloe’s friend, right?”

Beca turns to see young man, around her age, smiling in a completely nonthreatening manner. She vaguely recognizes him from some of Chloe’s social media posts, but she can’t quite place his name. “Hi,” she says instead.

“Did Chloe invite you to this?” he asks, sounding entirely too amused for Beca’s liking.

“Uh…” Beca isn’t sure what the better answer would be—yes, Chloe invited poor hapless Beca Mitchell to watch her get auctioned off and alternatively the implication that Chloe would need some pull from somebody like Beca which is dumb because despite the crappy dating profile on the website, Chloe needs no help at all; or no, Beca invited herself because she’s there on a mission. “Hm,” she says evasively instead. “Sorry, what was your name again?”

“Benjamin, but you can call me—”

Beca smiles. “Ben,” she finishes. It’s cute how much he reminds her of Benji. “Chloe posts about you a lot.”

“Yeah, we kind of…” he laughs, pushing up his glasses. “Bonded, I guess. She’s been a good friend. Helped set me up with my boyfriend.” He nods his head towards the door. “Want to come sit with us? We’re mainly here for the show and the food. Do you have your ticket?”

Beca blushes but tamps it down as best as she can. “Uh no, I was gonna buy at the door.”

He grins again, but says nothing about that. “Okay, we’ll see you inside. We’re kind of near the back. Turn left when you get in.”

 — — — — — 

 The emcee is fairly decent and Beca cracks a laugh at a few jokes. She has a pretty good view of the stage and she feels comfortable enough sitting near Chloe’s friends. They seem to take a shine to her and teasingly press an auction paddle into her hands.

“For an emergency,” Ben says, mirth in his eyes. And something akin to knowing, as if he knows something Beca doesn’t. She tries to scowl at him, but she misses that opportunity because Chloe is being walked on stage looking like—

“Oh,” Beca murmurs, blushing when she can feel eyes on her. There is no way Chloe can see her in the crowd because she’s sure the spotlight is bright enough based on Chloe’s squint and embarrassed smile. But otherwise, Chloe looks stunning, wearing a pretty blue sundress and white doctor’s coat. Beca blinks back the unexpected surge of emotion—not quite tears, but her eyes do sting a little—that she gets upon seeing Chloe in person for the first time in at least a year.

God, she had gone a whole year without seeing Chloe’s face—without having Chloe’s hands to hold and Chloe’s arms around her.

She never wants to do that again. She never wants to be apart from Chloe for that long, too afraid of her own feelings to push for something she knows Chloe wants as well. She had seen it in Chloe’s eyes over the past decade and more of knowing her. Chloe, her best friend and confidante—the person who most got on her nerves but also knew how to put her back together in more ways than one—

“We’ll start the bidding at fifty dollars! Ten-dollar interval minimum, please and thank you.”

There’s some cheering and laughter in the crowd from a group near the front. Chloe blushes again under the spotlight, but she flips off the group whom Beca assumes consists of people Chloe knows well enough.

“That’s kind of low,” Beca comments.

“You should bid,” Vlad, Ben’s boyfriend, suggests.

“No, I’m just here for support,” Beca replies distractedly as another person bids up to $100. Beca’s fingers tighten momentarily around the paddle before she relaxes and wills herself to scan the crowd as nonchalantly as possible. But before she can really settle down—

“Two hundred!”

It’s arguably the biggest jump Beca has heard over the last few auctions and the murmur that rushes through the crowd indicates that they think it’s something worthwhile as well.

Beca tries not to think about how she made two-hundred dollars in the first minute—probably less—of releasing her second single on Spotify.

“Two-fifty,” a female voice calls out, distinctly confident and self-assured. Beca notes that the blush on Chloe’s face is a little different now, this time a little shy and demure like she knows that person and is touched by the gesture.

“Who is that?” Beca asks quickly.

“Oh, I think that was Amelia,” Vlad says when he notices that his boyfriend is not responding. “She’s in Chloe’s cohort.”

But who is she, Beca wants to demand further.

“Two-seventy,” the same male voice from earlier counters, though with a tinge of hesitation.

“Three hundred,” ‘Amelia’ counters.

A pause. “Three-twenty.”

“Four-fifty.” Without hesitation. An excited murmur ripples through the crowd. Chloe’s hands are now covering her face, but Beca sees that she’s smiling ever so slightly.

“She likes her,” Ben says simply.

“Who likes who.” Beca considers this a very important distinction.

“Amelia likes Chloe.”

“And does Chloe like Amelia?”

“They’re friends.” He stares at Beca pointedly. “Like you guys are friends, right? So what’s a little competition.”

“But Chloe and I are—we’re—”

Beca finds she has no real justification, no real insight to offer because she and Chloe have been teetering on that edge of almost for so long that she has forgotten what it meant when competition came along.

Until Chicago.

And before that, for Chloe, Jesse, but Beca had been nearly completely blind to it.

And now this.

Beca’s hand is rising before she can stop herself. Her brain seems to shut down completely—the rational part at least—as her heart grabs the reins. It’s stupid, it’s archaic, but this is for Chloe (almost literally, but Beca will never succumb to the belief that this is any valid way to date somebody). “Seven hundred,” she calls out. Her eyes widen when heads swivel to her and she quickly ducks, pulling her scarf back up to her nose and mouth. She waves her paddle above her head, too embarrassed to see whether Chloe’s eyes are scanning the crowd for her.

“Holy shit,” Ben mutters.

“Eight hundred,” Amelia counters somewhere in the distance, but suddenly Beca’s ears are roaring with the oddest sound—like a chorus of fucking angels or something.

“Oh my God, the animals are lucky today,” somebody mutters somewhere to Beca’s left.

“A thousand,” Beca counters.

“Um—” Ben seems to think better of it and clamps his mouth shut, though he looks like he might laugh, or worse, smile at Beca. God.

“A thousa—”

Beca’s had it. “Two thousand!”

The shocked silence that follows is enough to tell Beca that she’s completely lost it.

(But she lost it long ago—somewhere between agreeing to join an all-female acapella group when she was eighteen because of that girl with blue eyes and a killer voice and that chaotic year that followed, somehow ending with her kissing the wrong person at the end of it all. No more of that.)

“Um,” the auctioneer has apparently lost all capabilities of auctioneering. “I…guess…? Sold to—” He peers over the crowd. “You?” he asks again, still unsure. “For two thousand dollars.”

Beca quickly presses the paddle into Ben’s hands and sinks lower in her seat, distinctly avoiding all eye contact. Those closest to her finally seem to catch on and she catches the faintest hint of whispers.

“Is that…?”

“No fucking way.”

“God, I knew Beale was lying when she said they weren’t hooking up.”

Beca tries not to think about any of that, suddenly very interested in the patterns on the carpeted floor.

 — — — — — 

  Beca i did something really stupid

Aubrey Yes, the auction was livestreamed. Chloe sent me a link.

Beca holy fuck could you see me???

Aubrey No, but thank you for confirming. Two thousand dollars, Beca Mitchell.

Beca is about to type something incredibly cheesy in response to the mild snark in Aubrey’s text, but she is distracted by Ben’s shadow appearing over her.

“Hey, so uh, you have to actually meet Chloe backstage. To set up the details and stuff. And they’re going to need a check or some other form of payment? For that two thousand dollars you just dropped?”

“Do they accept Amex,” Beca deadpans.

“Yes, I believe so. So now that that’s covered, shall we?” He holds out an arm for Beca.

Beca sighs and clicks off her phone, decidedly ignoring the very long paragraph of text Aubrey just sent to her (she caught words like “my best friend” and “hurt her” and “bear trap” so she figures that’s something she can laugh or cry over when she is inevitably sent back on a plane to Los Angeles).

“Does she know it’s me?” Beca finally asks.

“I honestly don’t know. You’re kind of short and I don’t think she could actually see you.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Beca says, feeling lightheaded.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t it be? We’re friends. We’ve done stupid shit before. She stayed back three years to just be part of an acapella group.” And to be with you, an annoying voice sounds in her head.

Oh, that was actually Ben. Who sounded eerily like Aubrey in that moment. Beca steps away from him.

He stares at her pointedly, pointing at the door.

Fuck, Beca thinks.

It is a simple study room and when Beca opens it, she isn’t expecting the space to be so small and so brightly lit. She winces immediately and nearly steps back out, but Chloe’s gasp is enough to keep her rooted to the spot.

“Beca,” Chloe squeaks. “What the fu—what are you doing here?”

“Hi,” Beca says, waving. Chloe continues to gape at her. “Hi?” Beca tries again.

Before she realizes what’s happening, Chloe is flying towards her and wrapping her arms so tightly around Beca that all the air rushes out of her in one fell swoop. She has enough sense to grip tightly at the back of Chloe’s coat, her fingers scrabbling on the thick, coarse fabric until they settle easily into each other like no time had passed before.

Beca sighs—literally sighs—like a disgusting teenager in love and she kind of thinks Chloe does the same before Chloe is pulling back and punching her in the arm oncee she’s at arm’s length.

“Ow! What the hell?”

“You seriously paid two thousand dollars?”

Oh right, that happened and was still happening.

“It was an accident,” Beca says instinctively and defensively.

“You raised the price by a thousand dollars accidentally,” Chloe clarifies.

“Don’t—don’t call it a price, like you’re…” Beca gestures uncomfortably. “Like you’re on sale or something. And I totally believe it’s your right to do what you want with your body and stuff because you should be allowed to have all that agency and—”

“Wow, Beca slow down.” Chloe grins affectionately. “Nobody’s doing anything with my body, not without my permission anyway. These things usually just end in a quick dinner or like. Laser tag or something. It’s never that serious.”

“I knew that,” Beca says quickly, trying to ignore her own blush at Chloe’s choice of words. “I just…I wanted to be…I wanted to,” she takes a steadying breath, “go on a date with you. And be your girlfriend. And do couple-y things. Because we’d be dating…as girlfriends.”

“You did?” Chloe asks quietly and so delicately that Beca’s breath catches. She tries to maintain eye contact as best as she can.

The air around them feels so heavy. “So much.”

“So you…” Chloe’s brow furrows. “Came to Colorado and paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me? And I’m assuming you flew…so even more than two thousand dollars.”

“I…it sounds weird. I know. I’m weird. I just—” Beca heaves a breath. “I panicked, okay? I had this crazy vision of you ending up with somebody…with somebody else. That wasn’t me. And that sounds crazy jealous and crazy possessive and I have no right, but I’ve been thinking about you so much and I don’t know that I’ve ever really stopped thinking about you since that first day at the activities fair that entire fucking lifetime ago.” Beca feels winded suddenly and quickly looks up at Chloe with desperation. “I should have just…” she trails off, unsure.

She should have never let Chloe slip away the first time. Then the second time when she had the chance. When Chloe met her in the middle so many times before.

“Beca,” Chloe whispers, pulling her out of her swirling thoughts. “It’s…” She struggles to think of a word for a moment. “It’s okay. I’m not mad, I promise. It’s just…a lot.”

“I’m just so sorry because it seems like I’m always like…just one step off from you. And I just want to be on the same page. I want to be what you deserve.”

“Me too,” Chloe replies, reaching forward to take Beca’s hand. She doesn’t hold Beca’s hand however, opting instead to gently grip her wrist, her thumb beginning to trace soothing circles along her wristbone. “I want to be what you deserve too.”

Beca swallows the immediate protest. She lets it die in her throat because she knows Chloe is right—that they have so much to work on. But they can do it together.

“Things have been weird between us, haven’t they?” Beca asks quietly. She fixes her gaze on the “Since you came to visit me. And we…” she swallows. “We kissed.”

“We did,” Chloe murmurs.

“And have things been weird?” Beca presses.

“A little,” Chloe admits after a pause. “But things have always been a little weird between us.” A small smile slips across her lips as she uses her free hand to tilt Beca’s chin up so their gazes meet once more. “But I’ve liked that.”

“You have?”

Chloe shrugs. “Kind of.”

“We…we don’t have to go on this date, you know?” Beca clarifies, eyes flicking between Chloe’s eyes and her lips frantically. Chloe draws closer. “We…” Beca’s voice cracks. “Don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“What do you want to do?” Chloe asks, her finger still tracing the underside of Beca’s jaw and the side of her neck.

Beca’s eyes flutter shut. “I want to kiss you again. If that’s okay.”

“Do you…” Chloe’s breath is warm against Beca’s mouth as she moves closer still. “Do you…have another thousand dollars?”

Beca’s eyes would fly open if she weren’t completely lost in the sensation of both of Chloe’s hands coming up to tangle into her hair. She moans at the sensation before she can help herself and immediately closes the distance between them, their lips bumping uncomfortably for a second before they settle into a somewhat familiar rhythm. Just like that, with a hint of banter and the way their touches soothe each other, they settle back into familiarity—back into what made them work all those years ago.

Instantly, Chloe’s body seems to press into hers with ease. Chloe’s head tilts and her mouth parts and Beca just about loses her mind. She reaches up to grab Chloe’s shoulders with difficulty before she moves her hands down to hold Chloe’s waist while subtly tugging her closer. Chloe sighs a little into the kiss before she pulls back with Beca’s lower lip trapped between her teeth for a brief moment.

Beca shudders. “Unfair,” she murmurs, momentarily forgetting her own name. Chloe’s name. Amelia. Ben.

There is nothing but this moment, with Beca’s heart threatening to burst from nerves and excitement and passion and sheer joy at the feeling of having the woman she loves in her arms once more.

“Never wait that long to ask me out again,” Chloe teases, pressing her forehead against Beca’s. “This was like…weirdly romantic, but I don’t need you to drop two thousand dollars. No matter how rich you are, miss Grammy nominee.”

Beca tilts her head to steal another kiss. “Again? As in we’re going to have multiple dates.”

“If you play your cards right.” Chloe’s nose brushes against Beca’s lightly. “Not your fancy credit card though.”

“Oh,” Beca says because Chloe’s hands are tugging through her hair again and somehow her toque is on the floor and they’re kissing again.

She could get used to this.

But of course:

“Wait ‘til I tell the girls you paid two thousand dollars to go on a date with me.” She doesn't need to sound so smug, but Beca would be remiss if she didn't acknowledge how hot Chloe sounds saying that.

It isn’t an accident that Beca shuts her up with a kiss.

fin.

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

Honestly everything happening right now has somehow made me think about my political development

Like when I was first exposed to the concept of politics I just parroted what my parents would say, like most kids, and thankfully both my parents are well-meaning liberals and not something actively malicious, but still

And then at some point I developed a habit of reading the paper over breakfast (specifically the Chicago Sun-Times, lots of local politics and somewhat center-left aligned, at least from what I recall) and that this was a habit that I basically retained throughout middle school, so I was relatively politically informed

I think it was also around that time that something about “capitalism bad” clicked, although I didn’t know anything about leftism at all and whenever I expressed “but capitalism is bad and harmful maybe?” to an authority figure I would always get something like “the alternative is worse” and like I didn’t know better so that would end up casting doubt on my own conclusions, and I also remember getting into a fight with a classmate who seemed to be a burgeoning libertarian (I don’t know if he’s still a libertarian because I haven’t heard from him in years, and frankly I do not fucking care) so like...there was something planted there

And then for a good chunk of my teenhood I hung out on this website that I will not name, but I will say that the culture there was like a combination of 4chan and reddit, and yes that is exactly as bad as it sounds. That place was a terrible influence on me, the strong anti-SJW culture introduced me to so many harmful ideas, especially transmedicalism, which probably kept me from figuring out who I was for years. But I didn’t really feel a sense of belonging anywhere else, so I hung out there. Up until the 2016 election cycle, at which point the userbase seemed to be sort of passively accepting of overt racism, at which point I said, “hey wait, this is wrong!” and just...left

At this point my only real exposure to politics were through the twitch streams of this youtuber I liked, because his videos had gotten me through a really tough mental health crisis after I graduated high school. Unfortunately said youtuber turned out to be a racist, transphobic, misogynistic piece of shit, but like it took me ages to realize this because despite the fact that he was openly saying this vile stuff live on his streams I was so isolated from everything else that I was more interested in taking solace in something that had once brought me comfort. I still think about this guy, by the way. There’s a strong sense of betrayal, and it still stings

Eventually I stopped watching that one youtuber, and instead I sort of drifted around by myself as sort of a well-meaning person who had been poisoned a bit too much. I didn’t really understand things for a while. And then, somehow, I ended up befriending a very outspoken leftist over our shared love of a specific fictional anime character. And I think that was a major catalyst for my radicalization. To not only see someone say “a better world is possible” but to articulate how it’s possible, and what the specific things about the world we live in now need fixing. It was kind of freeing, and while it’s sort of burdened me with terrible despair for the last few years I feel relief in knowing and understanding, because I feel like that’s probably better than blissful ignorance

I’ve been scared lately. I haven’t been allowing myself to feel it, which sucks, but the alternative is that I collapse into a heap as I’m crushed by my own existential dread, and I don’t want to do that. I’m just sort of clinging to the hope that people will keep fighting for the right thing, and I’ll do my best to help them, because that’s all I can do right now. That’s all any of us can do, I think

[fandoms-are-my-friends-1321]

Knives Against the Current Ch. 1

This is my first fanfic, so please be kind, but I always accept positive criticism. This will eventually be a Nick x Gatsby story, and I will include a warning before each chapter because some of the subjects might be triggering for some people. I do not own any of these characters, or the gif.

Warnings: mentions of past violence, drinking, cheating, some stalking at the very end, The Great Gatsby spoilers

Most of us are familiar with the story The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. We either read the book during high school, or chose to read it because it is considered to be a classic. The story follows Nick Carraway’s summer in New York. While he tries to deal with all of the drama that surrounds his cousin Daisy, and her cheating husband Tom, he meets Jay Gatsby. Gatsby is known for his lavish parties, but he also has a hidden love for Daisy. Eventually, all of the scandal catches up with these characters, and it leads to Gatsby’s demise. This tale is used to show the world that there is always someone watching, and that you can’t relive the past.

With every tale that is created, there are always multiple routes that the story could have taken. We know these as alternate universes. Some can lead to happy endings, while others take a more horrific twist. This story will shed light on the more sinister path that The Great Gatsby could have taken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gatsby had been accused of many things, like being a German spy and killing a man. One of these statements was true, but it was far worse than anyone could have imagined.

There was a killer that had been terrorizing the United States. The murders were quick and random, but one thing was always the same. Placed on the corpse of each victim was a single daisy. No one knew who this person was, and they never stayed in one place for very long. This person, who would become known as The Daisy Killer, is currently residing in a large mansion in West Egg, New York.

Despite these brutal killings, there is one man who was still focusing on making a living in a time of crisis. His name was Nick Carraway. After a confusing mixup in his hometown, Nick decided to move to New York City to pursue a career selling bonds. He wanted to be a writer, but anything he tried to write seemed boring and flat.

As Nick arrived at his small house in West Egg, he felt like he was being watched. He looked up towards his neighbor’s home, and his gaze met a figure standing in the second story window. Nick couldn’t make out any defining features, and in a flash the figure disappeared behind a dark blue curtain.

Later on that afternoon, Nick was invited over to his cousin Daisy’s home in East Egg for dinner. Upon his arrival, Nick was greeted by Daisy’s husband, Tom. Tom was a very muscular man, and viewed himself as the alpha male. Nick had known Tom since they were in college, and he still acted the same way as he did then. Nick climbed the pearl colored steps of the Buchanan’s fancy home. When he reached the top, Tom wrapped his arm around Nick’s small frame.

“Isn’t it amazing,” Tom said as he gestured at the lush, green lawn.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Nick stated as Tom continued to assert his dominance. With that, the two men walked inside. Tom escorted Nick into the side parlor, where his cousin was waiting for him.

As he entered the room, he could see Daisy lying on the couch. It was evident that she had been drinking. There was also another woman that Nick had never seen before. She had short, black hair, and her chin was tipped up towards the ceiling.

“I’m paralyzed with happiness,” Daisy uttered as she draped her body on the back of the couch. A single blonde strand of hair had fallen into her face. She told Nick that the woman on the other end of the couch was Jordan Baker. Jordan gave a slight nod of acknowledgement to Nick.

“I’ve been to Chicago recently,” Nick said as he walked further into the small room.

“Do they miss me in Chicago,” Daisy replied in an excited voice.

“They never got over the fact that you left.”

Jordan got up from her seat on the couch and walked over to the window. “You live in West Egg, right,” Jordan asked as she looked over her shoulder at Nick.

“Yes, but I don’t know a single person there,” Nick responded. Jordan gave him a small smile, “Well, surely you must know Gatsby.”

That was the first time that Nick heard the name of his mysterious neighbor, and he was intrigued instantly. Daisy was interested too, but the announcement that dinner was ready interrupted their conversation. Nick was once again wedged under Tom’s arm as he was led outside.

The dinner conversation was filled with whispers of rumors about the butler and the book, “The Rise of the Colored Empires.” Tom insisted that the novel was scientific, but Nick took his words with a grain of salt. The butler that they had just been talking about emerged from inside the house, and whispered something to Tom. Tom rose quickly from his seat and headed inside.

“I’ll be back shortly,” Tom assured as he closed the double doors. He could be seen inside talking to someone on the phone. Daisy tossed her napkin on the table, and she too went inside. Nick and Jordan looked at each other. Nick decided that it would be rude to sit in silence, so he decided to start a conversation.

“This weather is lovely isn’t-,”

Jordan held a delicate hand up. “Sh! I want to hear what they’re saying.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Don’t you know? I thought everyone knew. Tom’s got some woman in New York.”

“A woman?”

Before Nick could fully comprehend what was going on, Daisy and Tom were back at the table. About five minutes later though, the phone was ringing again. Tom vanished inside, and Daisy got up and walked into the backyard. Nick followed her brisk pace as she rounded the corner of the house. Daisy placed her head into her hands.

“We don’t know each other very well, Nick,” Daisy said as she lifted her head back up. “You weren’t at my wedding.”

“I wasn’t back from the war.”

“That’s true, but I’ve had a terrible time. It’s made me quite cynical about things. Do you want to know what I said when my daughter was born?”

Nick nodded his head as a signal for Daisy to continue.

“Tom was God knows where, and I asked the nurse if it was a boy or a girl. She told me that it was a girl. I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. I hope that she will be a fool-that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world. A beautiful fool.”

Nick could feel a heavy sting in his heart. He hated to see Daisy like this, even if he barely knew her. The two walked back into the house after that. Jordan was reading a magazine on the long, white couch.

“Well, it’s time for this good girl to go to bed,” Jordan said as she threw the magazine down with a light thud. “Goodnight, Mr. Carraway.”

Nick replied with a short goodnight. Daisy couldn’t help but smile. “You’ll be seeing more of her. Maybe I could arrange a wedding,” Daisy said as her smile grew even more.

Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe, but I should be getting home.” He started for the door, but Daisy grabbed his arm.

“Wait! We heard you were engaged to a girl out West,” Daisy claimed as her eyes met with Nick’s.

“I’m sorry, but it’s not true. There was a very big mix up. Besides, I’m to poor,” Nick replied as he opened the door and walked out to his car.

As he drove home, he couldn’t tell if he was touched or disgusted by Daisy and Tom’s interest in his affairs. He whipped into the drive at his small West Egg estate. Nick stepped out of his car, and as he closed the door, he caught sight of his neighbor once again. Even in the pitch black darkness that surrounded the area, Nick knew that it was Gatsby.

He wanted to call out to him, but he stopped himself. Nick saw Gatsby standing at the edge of his dock. Gatsby’s arm was stretched out over the tar colored water. Upon further observation, Nick could see that he was reaching for a green light. He also noticed a slight flicker of moonlight that reflected off of a silver object in Gatsby’s other hand.

Nick unlocked his door, and turned back to see if Gatsby was still at the end of the dock . However, he had vanished. Nick was alone, or so he thought as he stepped into his abode.

What Nick didn’t notice was the tall figure that had watched him enter his home. The mystery person smiled, and they let out a light chuckle.

“I’ll be seeing you very soon, old sport.”

[halstudandruz]

Took You Long Enough

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood and shootings a few swear words too

It had been almost a year since I was transferred to intelligence. Which also meant it had been almost a year since Erin Lindsay had left for New York. Voight partnered me with Dectective Jay Halstead taking over Erin’s place, and I knew the first day I walked into intelligence I was in trouble. As cheesy as it sounds those green-blue eyes and wide smile made me weak at the knees. As much as I hated to admit it, it didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on Jay, one that I would hide for as long as I could. Unfortunately for me Jay was broken. Erin had left him in pieces and he wasn’t ready to be put back together. So it wasn’t exactly easy to be his new partner at first, but as time went by he learned to open up again, and we quickly became a dynamic duo. However this also meant it was becoming increasingly harder to keep a professional outlook on things when it came to Jay. I understood no matter what we had to keep things professional at work, and I knew I wouldn’t let it affect our job regardless, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling being with him day in and day out hiding my true feelings. One drunken night about 4 months after I came to Intelligence Jay made a move which led to us hooking up. Later that same night still in my drunk state I had stupidly let my feelings slip, but Jay made it clear he wasn’t ready. In all honesty I didn’t know if he would ever be ready, but you better believe that didn’t stop him from reaming Adam a new one when he made a move on me. Acting as though I was his. Even though all we were and probably ever would be was friends with benefits or partners with benefits if you will. You also better believe that didn’t stop the drunk hookups we had after each tough case, or in all reality after pretty much any case. Which I put a stop to recently. My feelings were becoming too strong and I was quickly starting to drown in the bliss that was Jay Halstead. Although this made it awkward at first we had learned to work through it pushing any and all tension to the back of our minds acting as though it wasn’t obvious. Even though nobody in the unit had said anything I had quite the feeling they all knew. Except Kim of course. She quickly became my best friend in the unit. We clicked right off the bat, and she was well aware of my situation.

But on this particular night I was beginning to regret my decision. We were working on a particularly tough case this week, and Jay knew it was starting to take a toll on me. And sadly the more I drank the more I was reminded that I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, the safest place I’ve ever had the pleasure of being. I was trying to keep my conscience in check reminding myself that those moments meant everything to me, and nothing to him. Feeling the sting throughout my body every time I repeated that in my head. After almost calling him myself I decided I needed to go to bed before I made any mistakes. As I shut the TV off, and walked to the fridge to get a water I heard a knock on my door. Looking at the clock on my stove I realized it was already 1 o’clock in the morning, and knew there could only be one person standing at the other side of that door. Feeling my heart start to beat slightly faster than before I took a deep breath before opening the door. There he was standing in my door way hands stuffed in his pockets, hair slightly messy, looking down at the floor. I ushered him inside closing the door as he took off his coat.

“Jay I can’t. We talked about this.” I said not looking at him knowing if I did I was going to break.

“I’m not here for sex [Y/N].” He sighed before continuing, “it’s just I couldn’t sleep..” he trailed off before finishing.

“Okay.. and? You want me to keep you company? You could’ve just FaceTimed me or something.” I asked confused as to what he was getting.

“I was just wondering if maybe I could sleep here..” He said shifting from one foot to the other.

“So, you want to sleep in my bed? I mean yeah I guess that’s fine. I mean if it’s really that big of a deal we could just like switch beds yours is comfy too.” I laughed. “But yeah you know where everything is.” I said as I started to make a bed on the couch.

“[Y/N]…” he gulped looking at me.

“Hmm?” I asked looking at him.

“I understand if you say no, but it’s just that I haven’t slept good in weeks as in like the last time I stayed here and we… like.. yeah.. and it’s just that I’m exhausted, and was hoping maybe I could sleep with you? Like actually sleep I mean..” he blushed looking down at the floor again. I had never seen him this shy and it was easily making my heart race. Without thinking I quickly nodded my head yes walking off towards my room. I didn’t turn around knowing full well that Jay was following me. Once we got to the room we began to strip getting ready for bed. Jay slipped off his shirt and jeans laying them on the dresser before crawling into my bed. I graciously watched without making it obvious loving every second. Feeling my skin get hot at the same time. I began to strip down to my bra and panties. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jay staring.

“Could you like not watch me?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Jay shrugged winking at me and licking his lips. Making me weak at the knees, but slightly angry at the same time knowing how easily he could influence me. Once I was undressed I took Jay’s shirt off the dresser slipping it on I walked towards the bed to see him smirking at me.

“What?” I asked slightly annoyed at his confidence.

“You know what.” He smiled bigger at me.

“It’s more comfortable than mine.” I rolled my eyes climbing into bed. Although that was true it was only half the truth. As stupid as it sounds there was something even more comforting about having his shirt on and scent even closer to me that made me sleep better. I snuggled into him without thinking as he wrapped his arm around me. We laid there in silence for a little. As I was starting to sober up I wondered if this was the best decision. Feeling a mix of emotions swirl in my stomach. Feeling once again like I was being pulled in different directions with him. I understood that he was still getting over Erin, and I knew he wasn’t trying to play me in anyway, but that didn’t make anything easier. I felt like I was a teenager again trying to get her crush to notice her, and that made me even more mad at the situation. There was too many variables involved and it was just getting increasingly harder. I knew sooner rather than later he had to make up his mind.

“Jay.. I don’t think you realize how hard this is for me..” I began to give him my speech before I was interrupted by his slight snoring. I sighed laying my head back down on his chest. Falling asleep to the beating of his heart. The next morning we were awoken by my alarm going off. I reached over to turn it off as Jay loudly groaned next to me.

“What time is it?” He asked hand covering his eyes.

“5:45.” I answered rolling away from him sitting on the edge of my bed very much so regretting the coldness that overwhelmed me now.

“We don’t even have to be at the district until 7:30 why in the hell are you waking up now.” He rolled over trying to pull me back down to him.

“Go back to sleep I’ll wake you up once I’m done getting ready.” I leaned down kissing his shoulder before heading off to the shower. Once I was done getting ready I woke Jay up, and rushed him out the door. We got in our separate cars heading off to work. “Morning Sarge.” I nodded at Platt before unlocking the gate and heading upstairs Jay following behind me. After everyone was there Voight began to go over the case again trying to piece any new leads together.

“We have to be missing something.” Adam said tapping his pen on his desk.

“Well the longer we sit here the bigger chance we have of these girls dying so dig deeper.” Voight answered harshly. After what felt like forever we finally got a break in the case and were now on our way to catch the guys in an abandoned building where they were apparently keeping the few girls hostage.

“Thanks for letting me stay last night, I really needed that.” Jay said trying to fill the awkward silence that was present in the truck.

“Yep, no problem.” I answered calmly, but could hear the shakiness in my voice and turned away from him.

“Hey, look at me.” Jay said concern on his face glancing over at me.

“Let’s just focus on the case for right now.” I sighed leaning back in my seat preparing myself for anything we may encounter. Once arriving at the scene we all surrounded the building waiting for Voight to give us the cue.

“Chicago PD! Put your hands up!” Voight screamed after Atwater busted in the door. Once entering the suspects quickly retreated not taking long to begin firing weapons at us. As I rounded a corner I seen the girls huddled underneath a stairwell handcuffed to the wall. They looked terrified, but relief was covering their exhausted and bloody/bruised faces at the same time. Thinking I had enough cover I ran towards the girls, but quickly fell to the ground when I felt an emense pain in my abdomen. I screamed out once I hit the concrete floor.

“Ruzek cover me!” Jay screamed before kneeling down beside me quickly ripping at my clothes. “50-21 I got an officer down! Multiple shots fired at police. Roll an ambo to our location now!” Jay screamed into his radio while trying to apply pressure to my side.

“Jay what happened?” I asked adrenaline still running through my body.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, [Y/N], just keep talking to me.” Jay tried to say calmly, but I could see the worry obvious in his face as well as hear it in his voice. “Come on keep looking at me, don’t you dare close your eyes, [Y/L/N].” Jay grabbed my face as I began to feel my eyes getting heavier by the second. Quickly I began to feel the darkness overtake me hearing shots surround me in the background as well as Jay screaming my name.

~Jay’s POV~

I paced in the waiting room feeling sick to my stomach. Everyone was seated around me trying to keep me off edge. Luckily for us we took down the suspects, and saved all the victims they had raped and tortured. At this moment though, that fact made me feel absolutely no better. There was so much blood, and as much as I trusted the doctors at Med with my life I didn’t know if they could do the saving this time. It didn’t help that it had been what felt like days since she was brought in.

“Jay come on man you have to sit down.” Adam patted my back leading me towards a chair. The tension was so thick in the room I was finding it hard to breathe.

“No, I need to go get a drink. I’ll be back.” I shrugged Adam off walking towards the hall where the vending machines were. Once I was by myself it was like my legs had stopped working giving in on me. I punched the wall before sliding down it head falling into my hands. As much as I tried to hold them back the tears began to run down my face. I was too emerged in my thoughts to hear footsteps walking towards me. I jumped once I felt an arm being wrapped around me. I glanced up to see it was Kim. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” I cried.

“She understands Jay.” Kim sighed rubbing her hand up and down his back.

“No, I was playing her. Even though that wasn’t my intention I was, and I was too wrapped up in myself to even think about how I was making her feel.” I sighed feeling more tears run down my face. I have always had a hard time being vulnerable, but honestly at this point I had nothing to lose all I was concerned about was [Y/N].

“She didn’t see it like that Jay.” Kim replied turning herself towards me trying to look at me.

“What if I never get to tell her Kim.” I looked up at her.

~[Y/N]’s POV~

I woke up to what sounded like beeping surrounding me. I quickly opened my eyes, but just as quickly shut them again regretting that decision as the lights blinded me. I felt pain radiating through my body and I tried to groan, but no sound came out. I also felt someone holding my hand, and tried to squeeze it. I knew it had worked when the grip tightened around my hand. After a few minutes of laying there trying to gather my thoughts I slowly opened my eyes blinking quickly as I tried to adjust to the bright light. I groaned again this time hearing the sound successfully come out. I turned my head to see who was sitting beside me. I was welcomed with the sight of Jay looking alert, but also completely exhausted at the same time staring back at me.

“Water.” I croaked out hearing my voice adjust to the dryness that filled my throat. Jay quickly jumped up fetching me a small cup, and laid it to my lips slowly dumping it into my mouth. “Thanks.” I smiled at him as he sat back down next to me. It was then that I realized I was in the hospital, an IV in my hand, and gauze completely covering my abdomen. I tried to readjust myself, but wined whenever I felt sharp pains shoot through me.

“Stay still.” Jay scolded me reaching up to brush my hair back from my face.

“What happened?” I asked. Jay sighed giving me a brief of the events holding tighter onto my hand. His voice shook as he retold the story.

“I’m going to go get Connor, and let him know you’re awake.” Jay stood up kissing my forehead before I watched him walk out. Not long after Dr. Rhodes came into my room to check my vitals explaining my injuries, and what he did to fix them. I was then left alone with Jay again.

“You look exhausted.” I said as I looked over his appearance. Bags very evident under his bloodshot eyes along with messy hair, and wrinkled clothes, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t still look just as gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry [Y/N].” Jay looked down as I seen water cloud over his eyes.

“Hey, come on it wasn’t your fault I made a bad call I should’ve made sure I had someone watching before I went off.” I said reaching my hand up to his face carefully.

“Not about that, I mean yeah I am sorry about that, but just for everything between us,” he looked at me putting his hand over mine before continuing, “I didn’t think I could ever do it again. I didn’t think I could ever feel this way again. Honestly I didn’t ever want to feel this way again, and it all scared me because what I feel for you is even more intense than what I felt for Erin. I truly didn’t think that would ever be possible, and I know that’s a really cheesy thing to say, but whenever I thought I lost you I’ve never felt so broken in my life. I was so worried and lost. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here, and I’m sorry for what I put you through along the way, but I really do love you [Y/N].” Jay confessed looking me straight in the eyes voice cracking slightly. All of a sudden tears begin to roll down my cheeks as the shock set in that Jay was finally telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. “Oh my gosh no, baby please don’t cry, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I say something? Are you hurt? I mean I know you’re hurt but you know what I mean..” Jay began to panic. Which made me laugh. I wiped my tears away with a huge smile set on my face.

“Well I guess I’m glad to see something came out of me you know being shot and all.” I laughed.

“I am not in the mind set to be messed with right now.” He sighed running a hand down his face when he seen my smile.

“I love you too, Jay” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. “Took you long enough.” I rolled my eyes making him chuckle.

“I think we both need some rest.” He said carefully sliding into bed next to me kissing me again. As we talked before falling asleep next to each other.

[bechloeislegit]

25 Days of BeChloe Christmases - 2019

DAY 23 - CHRISTMAS WITH THE BEALES (AND CHICAGO?)

Prompt from FanFiction User JJSoccer: Full prompt located at the end of the story.

Beca twirled the invitation in her hand as she talked to Fat Amy on the phone.

"Come on, Beca," Fat Amy said. "You have to go. Mrs. Beale invited all the Bellas to Tampa for Christmas since Chloe was coming home. It's like a reunion for us."

"Will it be just Chloe?" Beca asked. "Or will Chicago be there, too?"

"Of course, he'll be there," Fat Amy said. "They've been together for a year and the Bellas are betting that Chicago proposes while we're all together. You know Chloe would want you there for that."

"I'm not going," Beca said, fighting back the tears. "I can't."

"What excuse are you going to use?"

"I don't need an excuse. I'm busy working and can't get away. Unlike some, I have a real job."

"The reunion isn't for another month. I'm sure if you asked now, Khaled will give you the time off."

"I said I'm not going, so drop it," Beca retorted. "I'll be spending Christmas alone, just like I want." Beca sighed and said, "I have to go."

Before Fat Amy could respond, Beca ended the call. She threw her phone down on the table and ran a hand through her hair.

Beca looked at the invitation again and threw it on the table next to her phone. Tears stung her eyes as she thought back to watching Chloe drag Chicago into a kiss at the end of her solo performance for DJ Khaled.

Beca wiped her eyes and went to the kitchen for a beer. Two hours and six beers later she fell asleep with tears on her cheeks, wondering if she hadn't been such a coward and told Chloe how she felt, would she be the one proposing to Chloe this Christmas?

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Chloe walked into her childhood home and was engulfed in a hug by her mom.

"You're early," Charlotte Beale said. "Not that I'm complaining. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, mom," Chloe said, hugging her mom tighter.

Charlotte pulled back and raised an eyebrow to Chloe. "Uh, where's Chicago?"

"He's coming later," Chloe responded. "He, uh, had a mission he had to complete. He'll be here before Christmas. Since he wasn't home, I came early to spend some time with you and dad. And to help get things ready for the Bellas. I'm so excited to see them again. I haven't seen them in a year."

"I'm sure they'll be happy to see you," Charlotte said.

"Is everyone coming?" Chloe asked nonchalantly.

"I haven't heard from two of the girls," Charlotte said. "The rest are coming and sound just as excited as you to see everyone."

"Oh," Chloe said. "Who, um, who haven't you heard from?"

"Cynthia Rose," Charlotte said. "But I understand she's stationed in Germany and may not be able to make it."

"Who else?" Chloe asked.

"Who else what?" Charlotte asked.

"Who else haven't you heard from?" Chloe said. "You said you hadn't heard from two of them."

"Oh, um," Charlotte said and sighed. "I'm sorry, Chloe, I haven't heard anything from Beca. Amy said she doesn't think she's coming."

"Oh," Chloe said and furrowed her brow. "I guess she's busy becoming a superstar."

"I guess," Charlotte said.

"I, um, I'm going to take my stuff to my room," Chloe said. "And call Brey. I promised I'd call her as soon as I was home."

"Okay, dear," Charlotte said. "Your dad should be home soon, and I'll let you know when dinner is ready. I'm glad we'll have some time alone with you."

"Thanks, mom," Chloe said, grabbing her bags and going up to her room.

Chloe dropped her bags by the door and fell face-first onto the bed. She laid there for a minute before turning over to her back and letting out a sigh.

"Why do I miss Beca so much more than Chicago?" Chloe asked herself.

Chloe sighed again and pulled out her phone, placing a call to Aubrey. She put it on speaker and laid it on the pillow next to her head.

"Chloe!" Aubrey squealed when she answered. "Are you at your mom's?"

"Yeah," Chloe said, half-heartedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Beca's not coming to the reunion."

Aubrey didn't say anything. Chloe let out another sigh and waited for Aubrey to speak.

Aubrey took in a breath and said, "Are you really surprised she's not?"

"She's my best friend," Chloe said. "Or she used to be. I haven't seen or talked to her since she flew off to L.A. with DJ Khaled. None of us have except Amy."

"You know Amy's hard for Beca to ignore," Aubrey said with a chuckle.

"I thought I was hard for her to ignore," Chloe said. "She always used to answer my calls or text me back."

"You know you're the reason she hasn't visited," Aubrey said.

"I know," Chloe said. "But what I don't know is why."

"Don't be so obtuse, Chloe," Aubrey said. "We both know you know exactly why Beca isn't coming."

"What? Because I have a boyfriend?" Chloe snarked.

"Yes," Aubrey said. "But, you know there's more to it than that."

"Not this again," Chloe said with a sigh.

"Yes, this again," Aubrey said. "Beca finally admitted it, why can't you?"

"Beca didn't admit anything to me."

"She told me and the girls that she was going to tell you. Right after her performance, she went looking for you."

"If she had feelings for me, why didn't she tell me before then? " Chloe said.

"Why didn't you tell her you had feelings for her?" Aubrey countered.

"She did everything she could to avoid me after her show," Chloe said.

"Only after she saw you kissing Chicago," Aubrey said. "And stop deflecting and answer the question, Chlo. And be honest."

Chloe felt tears stinging her eyes. Aubrey isn't the first to tell her that Beca had feelings for her.

"Can you honestly tell me that you aren't in love with her?" Aubrey asked.

"I love Chicago," Chloe said softly.

"That's not what I asked, Chloe," Aubrey said. "Are you in love with Beca? Yes or no?"

Chloe wiped the tears from her eyes and swallowed audibly before whispering, "Yes."

"What are you going to do about it?" Aubrey asked. "All the Bellas think that Chicago is going to propose to you at the reunion."

"I, um, I think he is, too," Chloe responded. She let out a small sob. "That's why I came home early so I could have some time away from him to think about us. But I don't know what to do. I love Beca so much, but I love Chicago, too."

"Enough to spend the rest of your life with him and forget about Beca?"

Chloe was silent as Aubrey waited patiently for her to respond. She could hear Chloe sniffling through the phone.

Chloe's head jerked toward the door when she heard light tapping.

"Chloe, dinner's ready," Charlotte's voice came through the door.

"I'll, um, I'll be right there," Chloe said, sitting up and wiping the tears from her face. She picked up her phone and said, "Brey, I have to go."

"We're not done with this conversation," Aubrey said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah," Chloe said and ended the call.

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Charlotte looked on in concern as Chloe moved the food around on her plate without eating any of it. Chloe finally threw her fork down.

"Everything okay, Chloe?" Charlotte asked.

"I, uh, I'm just tired and have a headache," Chloe said. "It was a long flight, and I didn't sleep much on the plane."

"Why don't you go up to your room and lie down?" Charlotte suggested. "I'll make you a cup of hot cocoa and bring it up in a few minutes. That always used to help you sleep."

"Thanks, mom," Chloe said. "I'd like that."

Chloe got up and walked out of the kitchen. Charlotte got up and prepared the hot cocoa.

"Is everything okay with Chloe?" Chloe's dad, Carl, asked.

"I don't know," Charlotte said. "I know she loves Chicago, but she also loves Beca. She's torn and is having a hard time figuring out what to do about it."

"I like Beca for her," Carl said as Charlotte walked out of the kitchen, carrying a cup of hot cocoa. She took it to Chloe's room and knocked quietly.

"Chloe?" Charlotte said through the door. "I have your cocoa."

There was no answer, and Charlotte quietly opened the door only to let out a sigh when she saw Chloe asleep on her bed. Charlotte's heart hurt when she saw tear tracks running down Chloe's face.

Charlotte walked over and set the cup of cocoa on the nightstand. She then took the blanket from the foot of the bed and gently laid it over Chloe.

Charlotte looked down at Chloe with a sad smile, before turning and leaving the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

Charlotte walked downstairs, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she did. She found the contact she wanted and placed a call.

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Chloe walked around in a daze for the next week. Charlotte was beside herself with worry. She's never seen Chloe look so down.

"Chloe, are you okay?" Charlotte asked one day. "You've been moping around here like you've lost your best friend."

"I did," Chloe mumbled.

"What was that?" Charlotte asked.

"Nothing," Chloe said with a sigh. "I'm fine, mom. I have a lot on my mind."

"Oh," Charlotte said. "You know you can talk to me. About anything."

"I know," Chloe said with a quick smile. "I'm just not ready to talk to anyone about it yet."

"Are you and Chicago okay?" Charlotte asked. "Is that why you came home early?"

"We're fine," Chloe said, her smile not reaching her eyes. "I'm going to go see if dad needs any help."

Charlotte sighed as Chloe left her sitting alone in the kitchen. Charlotte got a determined look on her face and picked up her phone.

Chloe found her dad on the ladder, hanging lights from the gutters of the house.

"Hey, dad," Chloe called up to him, causing him to look down at her. "Can I help you put up the lights?"

"I'm good," her father said. "But, I can use some help getting the inflatable decorations from the garage."

"On it," Chloe said and went into the garage.

As she was looking for the inflatable decorations, Chloe's mind was working overtime. She couldn't stop herself from comparing Chicago and Beca. She knows Chicago loves her; he tells her all the time. Aubrey and Fat Amy have told her Beca loves her; Beca's never said it, but if Chloe were honest with herself, Beca showed it in the little things she did for Chloe. Chicago appears ready to propose; she hasn't spoken to Beca in almost a year. Chicago was safe; Beca was...Beca. There was only one thing holding her back from giving her all to Chicago: he is not Beca, and she wasn't in love with him.

"God, what am I going to do if Chicago proposes?" Chloe whispered, running a hand through her hair as tears pooled in her eyes.

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Charlotte was happy to see Chloe finally relaxing and enjoying herself after almost two weeks of being home. They were in the kitchen going over their Christmas Eve dinner menu when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Chloe said.

Charlotte smiled when she heard the squeals coming from the living room.

"Brey!" Chloe said, crushing Aubrey in a hug. "What are you doing here already?"

"I missed you, Chloe," Aubrey said. "And I wanted some best friend time before all the girls got here."

"I'm so glad you're here," Chloe said, not letting Aubrey go.

Aubrey saw Charlotte over Chloe's shoulder. Charlotte smiled at her and mouthed, "thank you." Aubrey smiled back and pulled back from Chloe.

"Charlotte, it's so good to see you," Aubrey said.

"You, too," Charlotte said. "Why don't you girls go upstairs and catch up. I'll bring you a snack."

"Thanks, mom," Chloe said, dragging Aubrey upstairs.

Chloe pulled Aubrey into her room and closed the door. They sat on Chloe's bed, and Aubrey looked at her.

"Okay, spill," Aubrey said. "What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," Chloe said with a shrug.

"Chloe," Aubrey said in a way that let Chloe know she wasn't going to buy into Chloe's bullshit.

"Fine," Chloe said. "I started comparing Beca and Chicago and realized that I couldn't give my all to Chicago because he wasn't Beca. Then I realized that Chicago had one thing going for him that Beca didn't."

Aubrey waited, but Chloe was looking down at her blanket and fidgeting.

"What does Chicago have going for him that Beca doesn't?"

"He wants to be with me," Chloe said softly. "Beca has avoided for the last year and has made it obvious she doesn't want me. So, I've made a decision. If Chicago proposes, I'm going to, um." Chloe cleared her throat and looked at Aubrey. "I'm going to say yes."

Aubrey doesn't know what to say. She's saved from responding when Chloe's phone rings. Chloe picks it up and looks at the caller ID.

"Oh, um, it's Chicago," Chloe said. "Would you mind?"

"Go ahead," Aubrey said. "I'll go visit with your mom. Come find me when you're done."

"Thanks," Chloe said and answered the call. "Hey."

Aubrey sighed as she walked down the stairs to find Charlotte.

"We have a problem," Aubrey said by way of greeting.

"What kind of problem?" Charlotte asked.

"Chloe compared the two and said that she couldn't give her all to Chicago because he wasn't Beca," Aubrey said. "The fact that Chicago is ready to propose means he wants to be with her. Then she said Beca's been avoiding her and has made it obvious she doesn't want to be with Chloe. She also said that if Chicago proposes, she's going to accept."

"He's not right for her," Charlotte said. "We need to make her see that before it's too late and she marries him for all the wrong reasons."

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

It was two days before Christmas, and Beca was sitting on DJ Khaled's jet in New York. The jet had been scheduled to fly Khaled and his family in New York; it didn't take much to add a trip to Tampa as well.

Spending the night in New York caused Beca to relive the memories she made while living in the city with Chloe. Memories that made her determined to reconnect with Chloe, either as her friend or, hopefully, something more.

"We'll be on our way in about twenty minutes," the pilot told Beca. "If the weather holds up, we should be in Tampa around eleven-thirty."

"Thanks," Beca said as she stared out the window, waiting to take off. "What the hell am I doing?"

Beca thought back to the phone call she had with Chloe's mother, Charlotte Beale.

"Beca," Charlotte said as Beca answered her call.

"Dammit," Beca muttered, looking at her caller ID, realizing she should have done that before answering. "Hey, Charlotte. How's everything?"

"Not good," Charlotte said. "Chloe is about to make the biggest mistake of her life. I need you to come for Christmas and talk some sense into her."

"Charlotte, I haven't talked to Chloe in almost a year," Beca said. "We're, uh, not as close as we used to be."

"I know, but she still respects you and thinks of you as one of her closest friends," Charlotte said. "And I know she'd be happy to see you. I'm afraid Chicago's going to propose and Carl and I aren't happy about it. We know that Chloe is settling, and we can't be a part of that. I've tried talking to her, but she won't listen."

"I don't know what I can say to make her not love the guy," Beca said. "He makes her happy, and I can't take that away from her."

"She's not happy, Beca," Charlotte said. "Chloe is not in love with him; she's in love with you. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm desperate. If you love Chloe like I think you do, you need to come here and fight for her. Let her know that you are an option for her."

Beca fought back the tears that filled her eyes. "I'll be there on Christmas Eve," Beca told Charlotte.

"That's perfect," Charlotte said. "Thank you, Beca. I'll see you on Christmas Eve."

The call ended there, and Beca has been second-guessing herself ever since. She took a deep breath and let it out.

"Suck it up, Mitchell," Beca muttered. "And go get your girl. At least I hope she wants to be my girl."

The jet finally took off, and before Beca knew it, she was on the ground waiting for her bags to be removed from the baggage hold.

Theo had ordered a car and driver for Beca; it pulled up next to the jet, and the driver got out and introduced himself to Beca.

"Miss Mitchell," the driver said. "I'm Richard, and I will be your driver for the duration of your stay here in Tampa."

"Nice to meet you, Richard," Beca said. "Please, call me Beca."

Richard nodded and gathered Beca's luggage and put it in the trunk while Beca got settled in her seat. Richard got behind the wheel and turned to look at Beca.

"Where to first?" Richard asked. "I have the addresses for most of the places you'll be going."

"I'd like to check into my hotel, please," Beca responded.

"Yes, ma'am," Richard said and drove off.

Beca checked in and unpacked her bags. It was almost two o'clock, and Beca was sitting on the bed, debating if she should go to the Beales' now or wait until the next day.

"Fuck it," Beca mumbled and texted Richard to pick her up.

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Beca was now standing in front of the Beales' door. She took a deep breath and knocked. She looked around at all the Christmas decorations as she waited. She jumped slightly when the door opened.

She was surprised to see Aubrey standing in front of her.

"It's good to see you, Beca," Aubrey said, smiling at Beca.

Without thinking, Beca grabbed Aubrey in a hug. Aubrey was a bit surprised but hugged Beca back.

"Good to see you, too, Posen." Beca held the hug and mumbled against Aubrey's shoulder, "I'm sorry."

Aubrey hugged Beca tighter and whispered, "You have nothing to be sorry for. We all understand."

Beca pulled back with a chuckle and said, "There are some who may not be so understanding."

"Beca!" Charlotte called out, seeing Beca at the door.

In the kitchen, Chloe's head jerked up. "Did she say Beca?"

"Yeah, she did," Stacie said as she jumped up and ran into the living room with the rest of the Bellas on her heels.

Chloe stood and followed them out a bit slower. Chicago followed Chloe and put his arms around her waist from behind when she stopped outside the kitchen door. She stepped forward and out of his arms.

"Beca!" the Bellas screamed and engulfed Beca in a group hug.

Chloe walked over to the group, and it was like they sensed Chloe behind them, and started stepping aside until it was just Chloe and Beca standing a foot away from each other.

"Hey," Beca said with a soft smile.

Chloe glared at Beca, making Beca uncomfortable enough to look around at the Bellas. She returned her gaze to Chloe.

"You, uh, you look good, Beale," Beca said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Chloe smile and rolled her eyes. Beca stepped forward and engulfed Chloe in a hug.

"I missed you," a teary-eyed Chloe whispered. "I thought you weren't coming."

"I missed you, too," Beca whispered through her tears. "You're the only reason I'm here."

"What?" Chloe said as she pulled out of the hug.

"Let's give Beca some breathing room, shall we, Chloe?" Chicago said, taking Chloe by the arm and pulling her back to him.

Beca chuckled because she could feel Aubrey glaring at Chicago without turning around.

"Why don't we go into the living room," Charlotte said, ushering the group forward. "Beca can tell us all about being a hotshot musician."

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

An hour later, Beca was exhausted. She had forgotten how much it took to keep up with the Bellas. That and all the energy she was expending trying not to look at Chloe every ten seconds.

Beca's stomach grumbled, and she blushed; she hadn't eaten anything since early this morning. Charlotte smiled at her and stood from her seat.

"I'm getting hungry. Anyone in the mood for an early dinner?" Charlotte asked, looking around the room. "I have stuff for sandwiches and some salads. We can eat in here since there's more room. Who else is hungry?"

Everyone laughed and raised their hands, shouting, "Me!"

"Chloe, would you mind helping me?"

"Sure, mom," Chloe said, standing to follow Charlotte.

Chicago pulled her back and kissed her, smiling as he let her go. Beca looked away but not before she saw Chloe look at her.

Beca thought about offering to help just so she could spend some time with Chloe, but Aubrey jumped up and beat her to it. Beca sighed and was surprised when she heard her name.

"Beca?" Chicago called her again.

"Um, yeah?" Beca said, looking over to him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Beca looked around nervously. "Sure."

Chicago stood and waved for Beca to follow him. She saw Stacie look over at her with a raised brow. All Beca could do was shrug and follow Chicago out the front door; she closed the screen door but left the main door open.

Chicago stopped and turned toward Beca, leaning against the porch railing.

"I, um," Chicago started nervously. "I want to ask Chloe to marry me."

Beca was surprised that Chicago just blurted it out. She took in a slow breath and let it out.

"Okay, but why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're her best friend, and I'd like your okay."

"Where's Beca?" Chloe asked as she carried napkins and silverware into the living room.

"Chicago asked to speak with her," Stacie said, standing near the opened door. "They're on the front porch."

Charlotte and Aubrey heard this and looked at each other. They set down the trays they were carrying and followed Chloe to the front door. Stacie grabbed Chloe's arm to stop her from going out.

"Shh," Charlotte said as Beca started to speak again.

"Dude, why are you asking me for permission?" Beca asked. "I'm not her mother or father."

"Like I said, your her best friend," Chicago said. "She misses you and respects you. Having your approval would mean to the world to Chloe. "

"You're asking the wrong person," Beca said.

Chicago stood up and took Beca by the arms. Beca squirmed uncomfortably, so Chicago let her go. He stepped back and looked at her.

"You're the one she'll listen to," Chicago said. "You two haven't spoken since you left France, but you're all she talks about. If you're okay with it, she'll say yes. I know she will."

"I can't," Beca said as tears filled her eyes. She pushed away from Chicago and turned her back on him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not okay with it," Beca said, shaking her head. "I don't approve of you proposing to Chloe."

"Why not?" Chicago said.

"Because I'm in love with her!" Beca said, turning back to face Chicago. "I only came here to so I could try and get her to see that she belonged with me, not you."

"Beca?"

Beca whipped her head around to see Chloe standing there with tears falling down her cheeks. Charlotte, Aubrey, and Stacie stepped outside and stood behind Chloe.

"I'm sorry," Beca choked out and ran down the porch steps. "I shouldn't be doing this."

"Beca, wait!" Chloe cried out, starting to follow Beca.

Chicago grabbed Chloe's arm to stop her. "Let me go!"

"No!" Chicago yelled. Seeing the look on Chloe's face, he asked, "Do you love her, too?"

Chloe didn't say anything, but Chicago knew the answer. To try and save face in front of Chloe's friends and family, he said, "If you go after her, we're through."

Chloe looked at him and then looked to see Beca hurrying down the street. She turned back to Chicago.

"Fine," Chloe said, causing Chicago to relax his grip, thinking Chloe was going to stay with him.

But Chloe had other ideas. She moved away from him and said, "We're through!" before running down the steps and chasing after Beca, calling her name.

"Beca! Please stop!" Chloe said, catching up to Beca and grabbing her by the arm.

"I'm sorry, Chlo," Beca said through her tears. "As much as I wanted you to pick me, I didn't mean to ruin this for you. I'm so, so sorry."

"You didn't ruin anything," Chloe said, stepping into Beca's personal space. "You just made things better."

"How?" Beca asked, wiping tears from her face.

"No matter what I said before, you've always been my first choice, and now I know I'm yours," Chloe said as she took Beca's hands in hers. "You know what would make this a thousand times better?"

Beca shook her head, looking in Chloe's eyes.

"If you'd kiss me," Chloe said, leaning in to place her lips on Beca's.

Beca let out a small sob but managed to kiss Chloe back. Chloe snaked her arms around Beca's neck and deepened the kiss. Beca let out a moan and put her arms around Chloe's waist, holding her close to her.

"Yes!" Stacie and Aubrey both cheered, while Charlotte watched Beca and Chloe with a smile.

Chicago's face was red with anger as he watched Chloe kiss Beca. He looked as if he was going to go after Chloe, but three women stepped up to block his way.

"Don't," Charlotte said, holding up her hand to stop him. "She made her choice. Be a man and accept it."

Chicago swallowed hard and looked at the two women with tears in his eyes. "I'm in love with her."

"I know," Charlotte said kindly. "And she loves you, too, but she's in love with Beca."

Chicago wanted to argue, but looking at Chloe and Beca still kissing, he knew it was pointless to do so. Instead, he nodded his head and wiped at his eyes. "I guess it's a good thing I haven't unpacked. I'll just get my bag-"

"Got it, right here," Carl said, carrying the bag as he came outside. "I'll give you a ride to the nearest hotel."

"I think that's best," Aubrey said.

Seeing Chicago still standing there, watching Beca and Chloe, Stacie spoke up and said, "Maybe you should go before they come back."

Chicago turned and nodded again before following Carl to his truck.

~ Day 23 of 2019's 25 Days of BeChloe Christmases ~

Later that night, Beca and Chloe were sitting in Beca's hotel room, both lost in thought. After they got back to the house, they knew they had a lot to talk about, and Chloe suggested Beca's hotel so they could have some privacy while talking.

Beca told Chloe all the feelings she had kept bottled up for her over the years. She apologized for being five minutes too late in telling Chloe at the end of her solo performance.

Chloe apologized, too, and admitted she kissed Chicago because she didn't think Beca felt the same for her as she did for Beca.

Beca felt bad about how things turned out for Chicago. She wanted to apologize to the man but wasn't sure how that would go over.

Chloe was upset because she did love Chicago, but she had been in love with Beca for so long that as soon as she saw Beca engulfed in the hug with the Bellas, she knew she was not going back to Spain with Chicago.

The two were cuddled together, enjoying being in each other's company when Chloe's phone pinged with a text notification. Before she could pick it up, another notification came through. She sat up and grabbed her phone from the nightstand.

"It's from Chicago," Chloe told Beca.

Chicago: I'll ship your stuff to wherever you end up when I get back to Spain. Just text me the address.

Chicago: I have a rental car and am leaving to drive to Savannah to spend Christmas with my brother and his family. Goodbye, Chloe.

Chloe read the texts to Beca. "I'm just going to thank him and wish him a Merry Christmas."

"Don't," Beca said, pushing the phone down toward the bed. "He said goodbye. Maybe call him when you know where you're staying, and you can use that time to apologize or clear the air. Things are a little too fresh right now. Give him some time to process everything."

"I just feel bad at the way things ended," Chloe said sadly. "I don't like hurting him."

Beca sat up straighter. "Are you regretting your decision to be with me?"

"What? God no, Beca," Chloe said, turning to pull Beca into her arms. "I was with him for a year, and I did love him. You know I hate to hurt the people I care about."

Chloe leaned in and kissed Beca. "I love you, and it wouldn't have been fair to him or me to stay with him. I will never regret choosing you. You have to believe that."

"I do," Beca said. "And I love you, too."

Beca and Chloe kissed again. When the kiss ended, Chloe settled down on the bed, snuggling close to Beca.

"Hmm," Chloe said. "This feels nice."

"It does," Beca said, pulling Chloe closer to her. "We should get some sleep. It's getting late, and we have to be at your folks early tomorrow to help get things ready for Christmas Eve dinner."

"I'm glad we're spending Christmas together with the Bellas," Chloe said.

"I'm glad I'm spending Christmas with you," Beca said.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Full prompt from FanFiction User JJSoccer: Beca is set on spending Christmas alone in fear of having to face Chloe and Chicago if she shows up at the Bellas Christmas reunion Chloe's mom is putting together…. only because during a phone call with Amy the Aussie shares with Beca her thoughts about this being something more than a holiday thing and Chicago might propose.

Chloe's mom's intentions, though are a bit different, and she wants to finally bring Chloe and Beca together after overhearing a conversation between her daughter and Aubrey.

[eastasianfeelings]

you make me jealous, baby: Changkyun

— based on Monsta X as jealous boyfriends 

Summary: As a Korean-English interpreter with Monsta X, you’re naturally a bit closer with Changkyun than the rest of the boys. That makes coming out to him an interesting process, to say the least.

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: jealousy, coming out as queer, making out

*

You come out to Changkyun in the most incidental way, in pieces.

It happens on Monsta X’s third American tour, the first one that you attend as their official interpreter.

“Thanks very much for the help,” says Ellie, the interviewer in Chicago, as the members and staff file out of the room. She shakes your hand with a wide smile. “This whole process is honestly so much easier with an interpreter.”

“No problem. It’s nice to speak English after so long in Korea,” you admit.

She withdraws her hand and seems to consider what to say next. “If you’re up for speaking more English,” she starts off, “there are a few local places that are part of the K-pop scene, and I always recommend them for anyone who visits the city.”

“Oh, really?” The concept of western spaces dedicated to K-pop is interesting to you.

“I was planning to go out tonight. If you’re free, would you like to come with me?” she asks.

Hm. This sounds kinda like an invitation to go out… Are you reading too much into this?

You decide to check. “Like a date?” You prop up a smile; in the case that she’s straight, you can pretend it’s a joke.

But Ellie doesn’t brush it off. Instead, she ducks her head and smiles wider. “If you want it to be.”

Hot damn. It’s been a long minute since anyone tried to ask you out. You can’t stop your responding smile, even as you say, “Thanks very much for the invitation, but I’m not really a one-night kind of person. I really appreciate it, though.”

Ellie sighs playfully. “The hot ones always say no!”

“Stop, you’ll make me blush,” you say with a laugh.

“I only speak the truth.”

“Jeez…”

The two of you part ways after adding each other on Instagram. At the elevators, you find Changkyun there by himself.

“Changkyun-ssi?” you question. “Were you separated from the others?”

“No, I was waiting for you,” he says, pressing the down button for you.

“Oh. You didn’t have to.”

“I actually wanted to ask about the interview today.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Recently, he’s been coming to you to brush up on his vocabulary, go over previous interviews or learn what the latest internet slang means. It seems to be his way of showing that he’s not trying to put you out of a job when he takes over translating in interviews.

“Well, it’s…” Changkyun looks down, and you’re curious about his hesitation. “It’s a question about what the interviewer said afterward.”

“Don’t worry, you can ask me anything.”

He looks up at you, but his gaze skitters away again. “I heard the word date. When she was speaking to you.”

“Ah. Right.”

As he’s gathering what to say next, the elevator arrives, and both of you step in. He waits for the doors to close before continuing.

“Is there a new way to use that word? Date? In Korean, we use it in terms of dating. But was the interviewer using it differently…?”

“Oh, no,” you reassure him. “She meant it in terms of dating. Well — ” You scrunch up your nose and squint into the distance. “I guess, more in terms of… sexual attraction?” A one-night-stand is not exactly dating. “Anyway, it was that kind of meaning, for sure.”

Changkyun’s silent. You look at him to see his slightly shocked expression, and you realize that whoops, you kinda just came out to him.

“Uh…” You raise your palms in the air, wondering if he’s gonna be okay or not. “Changkyun-ssi?”

“Noona, you — you like women?” His voice is small, scraping on the floor. “You are… lesbian?”

His brain might explode if you tell him you’re bi, so you keep it simple. “I like women, yes,” you say in your calmest tone. “It’s part of who I am.”

At that, he snaps back to life. “Oh, of course! I’m totally fine with that,” he hurriedly reassures you, even if it’s not the most convincing response. “It’s just, I never, I guess I didn’t expect that.”

“Most people in Korea don’t.” You add a smile to soften your blunt statement. “But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t go around sharing with everyone.”

“Of course, of course,” he babbles, unable to look you in the eye.

“I just like to be in control of who I tell when.”

“Of course, definitely. I completely understand.”

“Great.”

With perfect timing, the elevator arrives at the ground floor, and Changkyun shoots out like his butt’s on fire.

Welp. There goes your budding friendship with the maknae of Monsta X.

*

You’re not really worried at all about him spilling the beans. He’s not the type, and plus from the way he acted, he probably would prefer just to pretend he’d never heard it at all.

But you can’t say it doesn’t sting a little when he starts minimizing contact with you. He takes the lead in interviews without double-checking with you, he doesn’t come to you for SNS posting advice and he doesn’t have full-on conversations with you in English anymore.

Well, it’s better than losing your job, you remind yourself after a week has passed in this way.

At the next interview in Texas, the interviewer Austin takes an interest in your position as interpreter, which is a change.

“So what made you decide to become a professional interpreter?” he asks after the Monsta X questions have wrapped up. “Did you get into it because you liked K-pop?”

“No, actually,” you reply, keeping an eye on the rest of the crew packing up to make sure you aren’t left behind. “I wanted to return to Korea because that’s where my family is originally from, and since I grew up in Canada, I speak both English and Korean fluently.”

“Ah, so you’re an immigrant,” says Austin with a little too much enthusiasm. “See, I think that’s so fascinating. You’re reconnecting with your ethnic roots and at the same time bridging cultures across the globe! It’s powerful work, you know?”

Aaand this conversation just devolved real quick. “Sure,” you say, deadpan.

“To be honest, I’ve always thought that English teachers in the East Asian countries were doing God’s work,” he continues. “The effort and devotion involved in bringing the western language to the east is just awe-inspiring to me.”

Good lord. “My work isn’t at so grand of a scale,” you say, truthfully. You interpret for a famous K-pop band so they can make sales in foreign markets, and that’s it.

“Oh no.” He reaches out to place his hands on your shoulders. “Don’t undersell yourself. I look up to people like you.”

Before you can brush him off, someone joins your conversation. “Noona? It’s time to go.”

You both look round to see Changkyun. He’s got his blank gaze trained on the interviewer, who’s caught off-guard by the sudden injection of Korean.

But your job is done, you’re not interpreting anymore. “All right, let’s go,” you say to him. “Nice to meet you,” you say in English to the interviewer with a fake smile.

“Uh, nice to meet you too. Oh, by the way, did I get your name?”

Changkyun reaches in with an arm, casually swipes away the interviewer’s hands on you and hovers his hand over the small of your back. “We’re going now,” he says bluntly in English to Austin. “Bye.”

Without even waiting for a response, he uses his whole body to herd you out of the room and into the hallway.

Once again, the two of you are waiting by yourselves for the elevators. You glance at Changkyun, who’s looking away, and sigh internally.

But then he abruptly whirls around, startling you. “Noona. In those situations — can’t you just tell the guy that you like women?”

Um, what?

“Excuse me?” you say, 100% confused.

“In situations like that one.” He waves vaguely down the hall. “Wouldn’t it end quicker if you told him you like women?”

“Wouldn’t what end, exactly?” Your eyebrows are scrunched so far up they feel like they’ll fall off.

Changkyun struggles for a bit, then bursts out, “The flirting. The way he was hitting on you.”

Eh???

Wow, he probably misunderstood that conversation by a thousand and one miles. “Hang on a minute. That man wasn’t flirting with me.”

“He was,” Changkyun insists loudly, then lowers his volume. “I heard what he said.”

“Okay,” you humour him, “but I think you misunderstood what he was saying — ”

“Noona, don’t you think you probably misunderstood?” he cuts in. “Because you’re not attracted to men?”

And there’s the other real misunderstanding. Might as well just clear it up right now.

“Changkyun-ssi,” you say as placatingly as you can, “I am attracted to men.”

He blinks. And blinks and blinks.

“And no, that man was not flirting with me. He was spouting a lot of orientalism crap, actually, and I don’t think that’s ever been considered a flirty subject — ”

“Wait a moment, noona.” He’s staring blankly at the elevator doors, processing.

“Yes?”

“You like men?”

“Yes.”

“But you also like women.”

“Yes. It’s called being bisexual, if you want to be official about it.”

He blinks some more.

Finally, when he turns to look at you, there’s a strange kind of confusion on his face. “You didn’t tell me this.”

You tilt your head. “I told you I like women.”

“But you didn’t say you also like men.”

“I mean.” You shrug, not interested in getting into bisexuality politics at this moment. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”

“But that’s important.”

“Why?”

His jaw works.

“Where is the elevator, anyway…” You turn and see that the button isn’t even pressed. “Oh.”

But when you reach out to press it, Changkyun grabs your hand and says, “Wait.”

You gather your patience and let your hand go limp in his grasp. “What is it, Changkyun-ssi?”

He tugs, and now the two of you are square, face-to-face. “That means…”

You wait.

“That means I can like you.”

…

What?

What?

What?

“You can like me?” you repeat dumbly.

The two of you stare at each other for a long moment.

Slowly, you begin to work your hand out of his grip. “Um.”

“No.” Changkyun tightens his hold and takes your other hand, too. “Noona.” He says the one word, and then starts flushing deeply. 

“Changkyun-ssi…” You try to pull back, but that seems to strengthen his resolve.

“Noona — I like you.”

You gape at him. Like, you physically feel your jaw loosening. What is happening?

“Um — ”

“I do. I like you,” he continues, voice getting huskier. “I like it when you teach me new English words; when we write SNS posts together; when we have really long conversations at night together...”

“Changkyun,” you try again, even though you have no idea what to say.

A scowl starts to darken his face. “But... I really don’t like it when other people hit on you.” He shoots you an accusing look. “I thought I only had to watch out women. But now I have to watch out for men, too.”

“You don’t have to — ”

“I do.” He steps into you, and instinctively you take a step back to preserve the space between your bodies. “Because — ” His face is deep red now, but he gets the words out once more: “Because I like you.”

Okay, what the fuck? What kind of noona romance drama is this? What leading actor is currently playing Im Changkyun and equipping him with all these lethals lines? And why is this hallway so conveniently devoid of people?

Your face is hot, you can’t look him in the eye, and, oh yeah, he’s still holding your hands. You tell yourself not to back up anymore, because that’s how heroines get pinned against walls and kissed.

Not that you would mind.

You wouldn’t mind? 

Since when did you come to the conclusion that you wouldn’t mind kissing Changkyun?

“Noona.” He leans in again, and you barely hold yourself steady. Quietly, he asks, “Do you like me, too?”

Your head is ducked down so far your neck is getting a crick. With effort, you manage, “I don’t… not like you.”

“You — ”

“BUT,” you say hastily, “think this through, Changkyun-ah. You’re an idol. I work with you. I’m older than you. Think about how unrealistic this is.”

He doesn’t respond right away, and when you dare to peek up, his eyes look unfocused.

“Yah. Im Changkyun?”

He meets your gaze as a dopey smile starts to spread across his face. “You called me Changkyun-ah.”

“What? Oh.” That’s what he chooses to focus on? You’d facepalm right now, except he’s still clasping your hands in his.

“Before we talk about all that…” Changkyun leans in far enough that your foreheads brush, and so do your breaths. “Can you tell me that you like me?”

When you struggle to respond, he hurries to add, “Because I know, I know I like you, noona.” Another step in, and now his legs are almost around yours. “You make me jealous, you know that? It’s so stupid. But... I want you to want me.”

His quiet openness shakes you. What are you supposed to be replying to again? Your mind is dazed and dizzied while every sense feels overstimulated: touch, sight, sound, smell… 

“Do you, noona?” he asks, oh so vulnerable.

You look into his eyes. You swallow. You can’t shake your head no.

He whispers: “Can I kiss you?”

Taste.

Slowly, you nod once.

He comes to you breathlessly. There’s heat on your mouth and then there’s him on your mouth, a dry pressure that instantly sweetens when he shifts and angles his head. You close your eyes and automatically tilt your chin into him, not even really conscious of what you’re doing, and oh. Now you feel him across every nerve in your lips. Now there’s the start of a liquid reaction that you haven’t felt for a while, a chemical rush that sweeps you up and takes you away.

Changkyun opens his mouth. The slow pull and rub of his lips against yours draws your tongue instinctively. And nothing is dry anymore, the kiss is all lush sensation and a physical response that nearly bewilders you with the intensity.

His hands have moved to your head and he pulls you to him like the two of you might meld into one if he holds you tight enough. You touch his tongue with yours, repeatedly, and think: Doomed. I’m doomed.

He breaks off the kiss first, using his grip in your hair to gently pry you away. You lift your eyelids and see him staring back at you. Beautiful.

“Noona,” he whispers.

“Uh?”

“I think you like me.”

“Mm,” you manage.

His eyes narrow as he begins to smile. “Noona.”

“What.”

He pulls you firmly into him, into the most romantic hug you’ve ever had, and for a moment you feel tears threaten to emerge.

“Tell me,” he whispers into your hair.

“What?”

“Say you like me.”

You squirm a little. “Do I... have to?”

Changkyun pulls back and looks you sternly in the eye. “Should we kiss again until you’re sure?”

“No! No, no. No need.”

“Then tell me.” He leans in to rest his forehead against yours again.

You feel like shivering at the closeness. “Can you give me time?”

“Time?”

You place a hand on his chest. “If we start a relationship, I want to do it right. It can’t just start like this because you learned I was bi and you were jealous about a male interviewer.”

“What?” Changkyun draws back in affront. “How can you say we’re ‘starting like this’? You don’t even know how long I suffered, being around you all the time, just waiting and waiting for you to pay attention to me — ”

“Okay, okay,” you cut him off, “no need to be dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic!” He grabs your hand again. “Remember our first day in Boston, when you asked that tour guide for directions and he asked for your number in return? I had to tell him to knock it off!”

You frown. “I’m pretty sure he only wanted my number for telemarketing purposes.”

“And what about Portland, that barista wrote his name and a heart on your cup!”

“Uh, more like he just misheard me when I told him my name — ”

With a groan, Changkyun crushes you to him again and squeezes you tight. “You’re so oblivious,” he complains.

“I really don’t think so,” you say, amused. “I think you’re maybe a bit biased.”

He sighs and draws back again. “Because I like you,” he says, so simple and straightforward that you’re blushing and smiling.

He leans in for another kiss, so you quickly apply force to his chest. “Wait. Let’s head back to the company now. Okay? Everyone’s probably wondering where we are. And I want to take care of all the politics before we go any further.”

He looks at you with disappointed puppy dog eyes, and you reach up to pat his cheek. “I’m not saying no, okay? Trust me.”

“Mmph. Okay. Fine.” He loosens his arms, and you already miss the feeling.

When you finally press the button for the elevator, the doors slide open as if the elevator was waiting the whole time. But as you’re about to walk in, a voice calls out to you.

“Hey! You’re still here?”

You pivot on the spot with dread and… yep, there’s good ol’ Austin, walking down the hall toward you.

“Hey there, I.M,” he says to Changkyun, tipping an imaginary hat. Guess that’s what they do here in Texas.

“Hi.”

Austin brushes off that single flat syllable and addresses you. “Glad I caught you. I wanted to ask if you’d like to exchange contact information. I’d love to hear about the work you’re doing with Monsta X within the K-pop industry — did I mention it’s a passion of mine?”

You open your mouth to decline politely, but Changkyun beats you to it. “Sorry, we don’t have time. We have to go, now,” he says in English, and shepherds you into the waiting elevator car.

“Thanks for the interview,” you tack on hastily, to be diplomatic.

Changkyun looks at you. Then he bends down, braces his hands against the wall on either side of you and plants his mouth firmly on yours.

The elevator doors slide closed on Austin’s shocked face.

*

[artificialqueens]

i'll be your biggest fan ( trinity & sasha ) - lily2

[ prompt ] : sasha never thought she would ever get married let alone to her best friend but in the midst of the big day she needs help putting on her dress for the event and she knows exactly who to employ to get the damn thing done.

[ author's note ] : I really love their friendship a lot (and also shea/trinity is a huge brotp of mine) and it's very sweet and so like opposite and I find it so charming, wanted an excuse to write wedding sashea as well !!! I genuinely love trinity and enjoy writing her so so so badly, I'm a proud eastern european girl but I will always appreciate my homestate queen! (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

— *.✧

"What if she doesn't like the dress?"

It was difficult for Sasha to even process the insanity that was about to be her own wedding day, her perfectly manicured hands running through her thick blonde curls. The Russian could barely even get a sentence out without wanting to collapse in fear— perhaps not fear but stress though it all seemed to mesh into one demon that kept clawing at her back, that she wasn't good enough for Shea, for this wedding, that she was still scared of the commitment that was about to come.

The issue was not if she was to be devoted to Shea Couleé, the one woman she knew almost instantaneously as her soulmate, her partner, her best friend all these years later.

It was clear the minute they exchanged looks and Shea leaned against the bar, a track from Donna Summer blasting from the stage, Sasha leaning deeper and deeper entranced by her beauty, intelligence, everything. Well rounded and active in her community back in her hometown of Chicago, something the blonde could definitely appreciate considering her own background in both St. Petersburg and Chicago.

"I really should've consulted her, I'm all about fashion but this isn't exactly what you would call my alley way!"

An irrepressible thumping of her heart as Trinity brushed the corners of her hair, putting a box down in Sasha's lap before groaning aloud, the southern girl never shy to share aloud her opinions and thoughts even when not provoked to.

"Sasha Velour, I know damn well you are not trying to talk your mind into stress on your wedding day!" A hair brush in her left hand as she tossed her perfectly sprayed and shortned hair, "Three things in life are absolutely positive: I'm gorgeous, taxes and Shea Couleé being in love with you." The words spitting out her lips before she finished up styling her best friend's hair.

The bride-to-be couldn't help but giggle at the sentiment, it was true, all three facets.

Trinity Taylor was truly a gem on earth, you'd never meet someone with the ability to talk your ear off while almost simultaneously digging a grave for you in Dante's layers of hell. A true southern girl, a beauty queen since high school, everything seemed so perfectly aligned and expected of the Orlando native.

Who needs a degree in economics! Especially when you can just be as gorgeous as I am?

However, expectations aren't always necessarily the reality. Trinity met Sasha, at a bar nonetheless due to a mutual friend and unprovoked, inspired by Sasha's work and ethic as a writer and designer, decided to finally go to college after dropping out her first year after high school. Majoring in business, still a pageant queen at her core and getting a minor in fashion retail as well.

"I'm still surprised you picked me for your maid of honor, if I can be completely honest with you." A smile gently forming across the corners of her lips as she spoke to the girl who was still in her robe, Trinity beginning to put some finishing touches. Sasha's brow immediately cocked and she practically grasped her entire desk.

"What do you mean? We've been close for years! We studied together, I helped you with exams, you introduced me to Shea! Don't be so hard on yourself." The twinge of her still softly reminding Russian accent came out hardest when she was angry or spewing up words, no time to breathe in between sentences.

"Hey! Don't get sappy on me bitch, I have so much makeup on I think our local Sephora might have run out of business." Her hands gently beginning to weave flowers through her hair, taking in a deep breath, learning to be silent and dabbing her puffy eyes when the Russian wasn't looking and closed her eyes, it was awfully emotional.

"You still have to put me in my dress, we have about an hour!" She warned gently, rubbing Sasha's shoulders as the thought begun to truly sink into her memory.

She was going to put Sasha into her dress.

Tears seemed to collect in the corner of her eyes but she brushed them aside, staying strong for the Russian who deserved today: to have met someone as fashionable and sweet as herself though Shea was definitely the best care she had with her isolation of family, it was very heartwarming and bittersweet to the girl who came to the states with nothing but her phone, some sketchbooks and a camera.

Sasha would not budge on her artistic roots and demanded that flowers be in her hair someway, somehow, scattered. At first the brunette could barely stand it, almost bitterly spitting that Farrah could do it instead, hating the idea.

Her intuition however was once again, as if it was a surprise, correct. The illusion was everything, as if she was some sort of gorgeous mythological creature, it was very on brand for her and her own creative processes.

"Told you it would look good."

"Well, sometimes I'm wrong, we ain't perfect but I'm pretty damn close honey."

Flowers intricately being placed in her hair as they spoke with tender laughter, "You know, this entire look, I commissioned the dress and made all the other pieces so I look like Lada, she's a Slavic goddess." Trinity wasn't surprised that she was including her culture in little ways, speckled into her wedding especially being away from Russia.

"Oh really?"

A hint of disbelief in her tone but Trinity knew her best friend well enough to realize her passion for her culture, she kept all her Russian zazz and was delighted to meet Katya, someone to finally share an outlet with, comfortably speak Russian with without feeling targeted or stared at with distrust.

"Yes, a bit of a tribute. Also, my favorite outfit Shea ever wore was this lavender, tulle dress during our fifth year anniversary, it had white flowers in the fabric and I wanted a piece of her in my dress." Her cheeks gently flushing, talking about her (almost official) wife with nothing but devotion and pride.

"That's so fucking cute I wanna throw up."

They laughed and held eachother's hands, embracing in the moment before the robe came off, Sasha sucking in a breath as Trinity unzipped the dress from it's black bag that had been delivered via Bianca and gently held it her hands, being sure to look where she stepped as the dress seeped out of her hands with petals and flowers embleshed adorning every corner of the dress.

It was a nice surprise and breach from Sasha's usual eclectic style that almost always had a paint stain or three, she had her brand down and Trinity could appreciate how confident and how out of the box, creative she was however it definitely made her inner, nostalgic heart smile at the sight of a dress so long it hits the floor on both sides.

"This is really beautiful Sash."

Trinity could only unzip the back of the dress, so beautifully crafted and designed as Sasha was left standing to turn and gently put her legs through the hole of the dress, getting stuck for just a second, careful with her hair knowing Trinity was definitely her smarter half in this situation considering the blonde was simply about to pull it over her head, ruining her styled hair.

"Oh God..." A grumble from Trinity's lips as she zipped her up, it felt almost wrong. This was usually a mother's duty, a family item, the entire process of dressing and making over the bride, no matter how traditional it sounded to anyone else, they know deep in their hearts they were sisters but not having your blood family must sting, especially at a wedding.

It felt strangely therapeutic to tie and zip her into her own wedding dress, she wasn't complaining in the slightest even if the heat from the mirror made her perfectly applied foundation melt and stick just a bit more, she was completely focused on one thing: making sure her best friend was ready and didn't have to do it alone.

Galvanized, Sasha seemed to hold her breath not fully understanding yet that she and Shea would soon be married and finally tie the knot, years of friendship and dating and it had finally happened with absolutely no hesitation from Sasha who screamed "yes!" in just about every language she could speak or name. Trinity touched her back, making sure she was fully snug into her dress before touching her shoulders in comfort, stifling back a laugh.

"Fucking Christ I feel so hideious!" She cried out, hiding her tears with a smirk that spanned across her entire face, unable to erase it as Sasha opened her eyes and seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds, truly taking in the details of the dress and adjusting her bra just a bit before choking up, Trinity quickly intervened, "You better not cry off your mug! I worked hard." The two staring side by side at Sasha together, "My favorite married couple." She sighed as she held hands with the Russian girl who happily was adjusting to the new word: married.

"You can cry once you get down the alter girl, we better get into our shoes because I can already feel us behind schedule, Katya's angry fingers typing away at us to hurry up."

The blonde nodded but not before squeezing Trinity's hand, a silent "thank you" mouthed as she begun to look around for her pair of shoes, her head wondering off to many different places at the same exact time.

"Anytime, any day you need me, I'm here." Her word's crisp as she strapped on her heels, matching her floral wedding extravaganza with a lavendar tulle dress, breaking down her wall a bit and even having shoes with some flowers done in colorful embroidery, Sasha claimed it was a very popular thing in Eastern Europe, that it adorned all their clothing.

"I know, always, when you finally have the confidence to ask out a certain someone especially." The wiggle of her eyes reminding Trinity brutually of her own, suprisingly awkward struggles with love, "Oh you shady!" She gasped, covering her mouth gently and almost hitting her with her bouquet of flowers.

"I'm just saying I see you getting side glances all the time from her."

"Let's not talk about this on your own damn day! Another time."

So they interlocked arms and did one final mirror take, finding it hard they went from senior year of high school, a nervous and introverted Russian girl with a thick accent and passion for fashion shows and politics best friends with the beauty queen, the secretly witty and hilariously instinctive southern belle.

"Let's go bitch, I know well time is a racing!" She yelped as they skipped out the door in excitement though Trinity was attempting to be careful with all the dress material that was sliding across the floors they walked upon, making sure she grabbed Sasha's own flower bouquet filled with Camomile (only fitting to be the national flower of Russia) and odd numbered as she requested.

Hand in hand they walked, unafraid of what was in store and for the future, just as the stories went.

"Well, let's do this."

[darkness-in-the-stars-blog1]

Took You Long Enough

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood and shootings a few swear words too

It had been almost a year since I was transferred to intelligence. Which also meant it had been almost a year since Erin Lindsay had left for New York. Voight partnered me with Dectective Jay Halstead taking over Erin’s place, and I knew the first day I walked into intelligence I was in trouble. As cheesy as it sounds those green-blue eyes and wide smile made me weak at the knees. As much as I hated to admit it, it didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on Jay, one that I would hide for as long as I could. Unfortunately for me Jay was broken. Erin had left him in pieces and he wasn’t ready to be put back together. So it wasn’t exactly easy to be his new partner at first, but as time went by he learned to open up again, and we quickly became a dynamic duo. However this also meant it was becoming increasingly harder to keep a professional outlook on things when it came to Jay. I understood no matter what we had to keep things professional at work, and I knew I wouldn’t let it affect our job regardless, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t struggling being with him day in and day out hiding my true feelings. One drunken night about 4 months after I came to Intelligence Jay made a move which led to us hooking up. Later that same night still in my drunk state I had stupidly let my feelings slip, but Jay made it clear he wasn’t ready. In all honesty I didn’t know if he would ever be ready, but you better believe that didn’t stop him from reaming Adam a new one when he made a move on me. Acting as though I was his. Even though all we were and probably ever would be was friends with benefits or partners with benefits if you will. You also better believe that didn’t stop the drunk hookups we had after each tough case, or in all reality after pretty much any case. Which I put a stop to recently. My feelings were becoming too strong and I was quickly starting to drown in the bliss that was Jay Halstead. Although this made it awkward at first we had learned to work through it pushing any and all tension to the back of our minds acting as though it wasn’t obvious. Even though nobody in the unit had said anything I had quite the feeling they all knew. Except Kim of course. She quickly became my best friend in the unit. We clicked right off the bat, and she was well aware of my situation.

But on this particular night I was beginning to regret my decision. We were working on a particularly tough case this week, and Jay knew it was starting to take a toll on me. And sadly the more I drank the more I was reminded that I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, the safest place I’ve ever had the pleasure of being. I was trying to keep my conscience in check reminding myself that those moments meant everything to me, and nothing to him. Feeling the sting throughout my body every time I repeated that in my head. After almost calling him myself I decided I needed to go to bed before I made any mistakes. As I shut the TV off, and walked to the fridge to get a water I heard a knock on my door. Looking at the clock on my stove I realized it was already 1 o’clock in the morning, and knew there could only be one person standing at the other side of that door. Feeling my heart start to beat slightly faster than before I took a deep breath before opening the door. There he was standing in my door way hands stuffed in his pockets, hair slightly messy, looking down at the floor. I ushered him inside closing the door as he took off his coat.

“Jay I can’t. We talked about this.” I said not looking at him knowing if I did I was going to break.

“I’m not here for sex [Y/N].” He sighed before continuing, “it’s just I couldn’t sleep..” he trailed off before finishing.

“Okay.. and? You want me to keep you company? You could’ve just FaceTimed me or something.” I asked confused as to what he was getting.

“I was just wondering if maybe I could sleep here..” He said shifting from one foot to the other.

“So, you want to sleep in my bed? I mean yeah I guess that’s fine. I mean if it’s really that big of a deal we could just like switch beds yours is comfy too.” I laughed. “But yeah you know where everything is.” I said as I started to make a bed on the couch.

“[Y/N]...” he gulped looking at me.

“Hmm?” I asked looking at him.

“I understand if you say no, but it’s just that I haven’t slept good in weeks as in like the last time I stayed here and we... like.. yeah.. and it’s just that I’m exhausted, and was hoping maybe I could sleep with you? Like actually sleep I mean..” he blushed looking down at the floor again. I had never seen him this shy and it was easily making my heart race. Without thinking I quickly nodded my head yes walking off towards my room. I didn’t turn around knowing full well that Jay was following me. Once we got to the room we began to strip getting ready for bed. Jay slipped off his shirt and jeans laying them on the dresser before crawling into my bed. I graciously watched without making it obvious loving every second. Feeling my skin get hot at the same time. I began to strip down to my bra and panties. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jay staring.

“Could you like not watch me?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Jay shrugged winking at me and licking his lips. Making me weak at the knees, but slightly angry at the same time knowing how easily he could influence me. Once I was undressed I took Jay’s shirt off the dresser slipping it on I walked towards the bed to see him smirking at me.

“What?” I asked slightly annoyed at his confidence.

“You know what.” He smiled bigger at me.

“It’s more comfortable than mine.” I rolled my eyes climbing into bed. Although that was true it was only half the truth. As stupid as it sounds there was something even more comforting about having his shirt on and scent even closer to me that made me sleep better. I snuggled into him without thinking as he wrapped his arm around me. We laid there in silence for a little. As I was starting to sober up I wondered if this was the best decision. Feeling a mix of emotions swirl in my stomach. Feeling once again like I was being pulled in different directions with him. I understood that he was still getting over Erin, and I knew he wasn’t trying to play me in anyway, but that didn’t make anything easier. I felt like I was a teenager again trying to get her crush to notice her, and that made me even more mad at the situation. There was too many variables involved and it was just getting increasingly harder. I knew sooner rather than later he had to make up his mind.

“Jay.. I don’t think you realize how hard this is for me..” I began to give him my speech before I was interrupted by his slight snoring. I sighed laying my head back down on his chest. Falling asleep to the beating of his heart. The next morning we were awoken by my alarm going off. I reached over to turn it off as Jay loudly groaned next to me.

“What time is it?” He asked hand covering his eyes.

“5:45.” I answered rolling away from him sitting on the edge of my bed very much so regretting the coldness that overwhelmed me now.

“We don’t even have to be at the district until 7:30 why in the hell are you waking up now.” He rolled over trying to pull me back down to him.

“Go back to sleep I’ll wake you up once I’m done getting ready.” I leaned down kissing his shoulder before heading off to the shower. Once I was done getting ready I woke Jay up, and rushed him out the door. We got in our separate cars heading off to work. “Morning Sarge.” I nodded at Platt before unlocking the gate and heading upstairs Jay following behind me. After everyone was there Voight began to go over the case again trying to piece any new leads together.

“We have to be missing something.” Adam said tapping his pen on his desk.

“Well the longer we sit here the bigger chance we have of these girls dying so dig deeper.” Voight answered harshly. After what felt like forever we finally got a break in the case and were now on our way to catch the guys in an abandoned building where they were apparently keeping the few girls hostage.

“Thanks for letting me stay last night, I really needed that.” Jay said trying to fill the awkward silence that was present in the truck.

“Yep, no problem.” I answered calmly, but could hear the shakiness in my voice and turned away from him.

“Hey, look at me.” Jay said concern on his face glancing over at me.

“Let’s just focus on the case for right now.” I sighed leaning back in my seat preparing myself for anything we may encounter. Once arriving at the scene we all surrounded the building waiting for Voight to give us the cue.

“Chicago PD! Put your hands up!” Voight screamed after Atwater busted in the door. Once entering the suspects quickly retreated not taking long to begin firing weapons at us. As I rounded a corner I seen the girls huddled underneath a stairwell handcuffed to the wall. They looked terrified, but relief was covering their exhausted and bloody/bruised faces at the same time. Thinking I had enough cover I ran towards the girls, but quickly fell to the ground when I felt an emense pain in my abdomen. I screamed out once I hit the concrete floor.

“Ruzek cover me!” Jay screamed before kneeling down beside me quickly ripping at my clothes. “50-21 I got an officer down! Multiple shots fired at police. Roll an ambo to our location now!” Jay screamed into his radio while trying to apply pressure to my side.

“Jay what happened?” I asked adrenaline still running through my body.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, [Y/N], just keep talking to me.” Jay tried to say calmly, but I could see the worry obvious in his face as well as hear it in his voice. “Come on keep looking at me, don’t you dare close your eyes, [Y/L/N].” Jay grabbed my face as I began to feel my eyes getting heavier by the second. Quickly I began to feel the darkness overtake me hearing shots surround me in the background as well as Jay screaming my name.

~Jay’s POV~

I paced in the waiting room feeling sick to my stomach. Everyone was seated around me trying to keep me off edge. Luckily for us we took down the suspects, and saved all the victims they had raped and tortured. At this moment though, that fact made me feel absolutely no better. There was so much blood, and as much as I trusted the doctors at Med with my life I didn’t know if they could do the saving this time. It didn’t help that it had been what felt like days since she was brought in.

“Jay come on man you have to sit down.” Adam patted my back leading me towards a chair. The tension was so thick in the room I was finding it hard to breathe.

“No, I need to go get a drink. I’ll be back.” I shrugged Adam off walking towards the hall where the vending machines were. Once I was by myself it was like my legs had stopped working giving in on me. I punched the wall before sliding down it head falling into my hands. As much as I tried to hold them back the tears began to run down my face. I was too emerged in my thoughts to hear footsteps walking towards me. I jumped once I felt an arm being wrapped around me. I glanced up to see it was Kim. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” I cried.

“She understands Jay.” Kim sighed rubbing her hand up and down his back.

“No, I was playing her. Even though that wasn’t my intention I was, and I was too wrapped up in myself to even think about how I was making her feel.” I sighed feeling more tears run down my face. I have always had a hard time being vulnerable, but honestly at this point I had nothing to lose all I was concerned about was [Y/N].

“She didn’t see it like that Jay.” Kim replied turning herself towards me trying to look at me.

“What if I never get to tell her Kim.” I looked up at her.

~[Y/N]’s POV~

I woke up to what sounded like beeping surrounding me. I quickly opened my eyes, but just as quickly shut them again regretting that decision as the lights blinded me. I felt pain radiating through my body and I tried to groan, but no sound came out. I also felt someone holding my hand, and tried to squeeze it. I knew it had worked when the grip tightened around my hand. After a few minutes of laying there trying to gather my thoughts I slowly opened my eyes blinking quickly as I tried to adjust to the bright light. I groaned again this time hearing the sound successfully come out. I turned my head to see who was sitting beside me. I was welcomed with the sight of Jay looking alert, but also completely exhausted at the same time staring back at me.

“Water.” I croaked out hearing my voice adjust to the dryness that filled my throat. Jay quickly jumped up fetching me a small cup, and laid it to my lips slowly dumping it into my mouth. “Thanks.” I smiled at him as he sat back down next to me. It was then that I realized I was in the hospital, an IV in my hand, and gauze completely covering my abdomen. I tried to readjust myself, but wined whenever I felt sharp pains shoot through me.

“Stay still.” Jay scolded me reaching up to brush my hair back from my face.

“What happened?” I asked. Jay sighed giving me a brief of the events holding tighter onto my hand. His voice shook as he retold the story.

“I’m going to go get Connor, and let him know you’re awake.” Jay stood up kissing my forehead before I watched him walk out. Not long after Dr. Rhodes came into my room to check my vitals explaining my injuries, and what he did to fix them. I was then left alone with Jay again.

“You look exhausted.” I said as I looked over his appearance. Bags very evident under his bloodshot eyes along with messy hair, and wrinkled clothes, but I’d be lying if I said he didn’t still look just as gorgeous.

“I’m so sorry [Y/N].” Jay looked down as I seen water cloud over his eyes.

“Hey, come on it wasn’t your fault I made a bad call I should’ve made sure I had someone watching before I went off.” I said reaching my hand up to his face carefully.

“Not about that, I mean yeah I am sorry about that, but just for everything between us,” he looked at me putting his hand over mine before continuing, “I didn’t think I could ever do it again. I didn’t think I could ever feel this way again. Honestly I didn’t ever want to feel this way again, and it all scared me because what I feel for you is even more intense than what I felt for Erin. I truly didn’t think that would ever be possible, and I know that’s a really cheesy thing to say, but whenever I thought I lost you I’ve never felt so broken in my life. I was so worried and lost. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get here, and I’m sorry for what I put you through along the way, but I really do love you [Y/N].” Jay confessed looking me straight in the eyes voice cracking slightly. All of a sudden tears begin to roll down my cheeks as the shock set in that Jay was finally telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. “Oh my gosh no, baby please don’t cry, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I say something? Are you hurt? I mean I know you’re hurt but you know what I mean..” Jay began to panic. Which made me laugh. I wiped my tears away with a huge smile set on my face.

“Well I guess I’m glad to see something came out of me you know being shot and all.” I laughed.

“I am not in the mind set to be messed with right now.” He sighed running a hand down his face when he seen my smile.

“I love you too, Jay” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. “Took you long enough.” I rolled my eyes making him chuckle.

“I think we both need some rest.” He said carefully sliding into bed next to me kissing me again. As we talked before falling asleep next to each other.