#also within the next 2-3 weeks bc otherwise I won’t have time

[exopelagic]

just take this

[sugako]

sweetness

osamu xf!baker!reader sum: your unrequited crush on the man you sell to is weighing heavily on you until one little party later it isn’t an issue cw: 18+ minors dni, a lil fluff, a lil angst (reader is sad bc they don't think samu feels the same), mentions of drinking/alcohol/party (no one is drunk during), kinda confessions, first time with each other, nipple play, oral (receiving) wc: 3.5k a/n: hi !! uhh i have had this is drafts for months bc i struggled to post it and idk why,, it's def a little longer than usual and little more plot-heavy(ish) but i hope you all enjoy pussy king samu <3

It felt as though you were admiring him from a distance even when he was standing right beside you.

The afternoon that the owner of Onigiri Miya had called up your small bakery to partner with his business you had been overjoyed. Honestly, you were still happy, it was just tinged by something deeper or different now. You were certainly still happy to sell your goods through the business, but your feelings had really gotten the better of you.

The day, actually the moment you met Osamu you told yourself to get over the petty crush you had developed within minutes of meeting him. His big, tall frame made you feel as though he could wrap his arms around you and everything would be okay. His pretty, steely eyes and soft features relaxed you, made you feel at home.

A week later you were groaning into your pillow when he texted a simple, polite compliment about your baked goods. Desperately, you hoped that the fuzzy feeling would melt away any day now.

Every single time you had to see him again and again to drop off your bi-weekly delivery, the feelings didn’t fade. If anything they grew stronger. The quick, comfortable banter you shared made your chest fill with molten gold that always seemed to harden into a tough little peach pit, strangling the words from your throat whenever you got back into your car.

A month later you were crying to yourself at 2 AM about how you couldn’t get over him even though you hadn’t even been close to a relationship. It was impossible. How were you supposed to get closure from someone you were merely business partners with.

You cursed the way your heart sped up when you got a new text from him. Over and over again you had to remind yourself that it was purely business.

Onigiri Miya (Osamu): Hi, do you want to swing by tomorrow? Lunch is on me

Fingers swiped over the keyboard, groaning as you asked what you should bring for the restock, not realizing it had been two weeks already.

Onigiri Miya (Osamu): Everything is selling fast, but I won’t need anything for a bit, just wanted to chat not about business

Without hesitation you agreed. Even if you were sure he didn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t hurt to keep up a personal relationship with a business. The fact that he had texted you deep into the night without prompt didn’t make it into your busy mind.

Those two little texts were how you found yourself taking a deep breath outside the Onigiri Miya a little after the lunch rush. You stepped into the nearly empty building, immediately greeted by Osamu’s soft, low voice.

“I have to run to the back, but I put a plate for you out.” He calls, disappearing just as the door closes behind you.

It’s painful to admit how your heart swells at the gesture. Your favorite onigiri of his is neatly plated in front of a corner seat at the bar. The two other people on the opposite side of the store are quietly chatting, paying no mind while you settle into your seat. Before you can take a bite he’s bustling back in.

“Sorry ‘bout that, got a call.” He says, leaning over the counter in front of you. The way his broad chest is squished by his shoulders.

“No worries.” You say just before biting into the food. He snatches one of the rice balls from your plate, but your mouth is too full and you’re too grateful to protest. “So,” you begin after you swallow, “what did you want to talk about?”

You can’t tell whether the air is thick with awkward tension or if it’s just you.

“I mean, obviously not business.” As you speak, a strangled, little chuckled forces its way out of the back of your throat, but you take another bite of food before it gets out of hand.

He’s silent for a moment, slowly chewing his food. Maybe savoring it or maybe thinking, you can’t quite tell which.

“Can you take nights off from the bakery? I remember you saying ya do a lot of baking and prepping at night.” His expression is impossible to read and you want to tell him that this is, at least for you, business talk, but you hold back and simply answer the question.

“Well, yeah, if I needed to. Uh, why?” You catch how his shoulders tense and lower, his eyes shifting across the windows in the front. Unfortunately, his own anxiety does very little to quell any of your own.

“My brother is having a party and I’m… obligated to go, but I won’t know many people there, they’ll all be his teammates, so I was wondering if you would like to go with me? If you don’t have a… I mean, if you don’t have any plans.” His expression remains still, but there’s a small flush in his cheeks that you catch on immediately. Something in your heart softens with hope.

“You’re twin volleyball brother?” You ask, biting back a smile. “Also, you’ll have to tell me what time the party is and then I’ll let you know if I have plans, but I’m probably free.”

The flush deepens as he recognizes his mistake and slowly blinks, shaking his head. “Yes, ‘Tsumu, the volleyball brother. And the party is next Friday. Around nine.”

Within the limited time you’d spent with him he’d told you about his brother and his old friends. Confidence growing, but not quite steady, you uneasily treaded into your next words.

“Yeah, I’m not working next Friday actually, so that sounds good. Should I text you for the address or…?”

“Meet me here, I can take you. Best to take the train, but it’ll be easier if we go together.”

Deep in the center of the city, standing close enough to smell the soft fragrance of cologne, you still weren’t sure how easily you had ended up here at the house party filled with strangers hosted by your customer’s pro athlete brother. It was a little much to think about if you took too much pause. Before you could slip into your own brain too much your cheek smushed into the thick muscle of Osamu’s solid back that had suddenly stopped moving, and as you sputtered out an apology the door swung open without him even knocking.

“Hey! Did you really not a-” The blonde mirror image of the man standing directly in front of you eats whatever words are about to spill out of his mouth when he notices you peeking out from beside Osamu. Realizing how ridiculously childish you must look tucked away behind him, you clear your throat and step out so you’re by his side instead.

“Hi, I’m y/n.” You say politely, extending a hand for him to shake. Atsumu’s eyes flit between you and his brother, not bothering to hide a smirk.

“Oh, I know.” He finally says when he takes your hand. Out of sheer embarrassment or maybe anxiety, you feel pricks of heat chase out to your fingertips. The sensation is only compounded by Osamu’s feather-light touch that grazes the small of your back as he tries to lead you past his brother.

“Really,” you start, with a sly little smile, “he’s told me about you’re very impressive-”

“Okay.” Osamu says a little too sharply. He’s glad you’re at ease, but less glad that you’ve immediately taken to lightly teasing him with his brother. “Let’s head in.” The warm breath of his whisper jolts through you and you find yourself nodding, letting his touch lead you.

Just as the door is closing behind you and the excruciating reverb of the music seeps into your ears, you barely catch what Atsumu mumbles before he slips into the crowd of people. “Maybe you’ll finally show her how much ya like her.”

Osamu doesn’t respond, and for a second you think maybe he didn’t hear him, but the way his fingers dig into your back tells you otherwise. You simply pretend that you heard nothing, pointing to the drink dispensers lined up on the kitchen counter across the room. After a quick drink of the sweet, burning mystery drink and after Atsumu started to keep his distance - too busy hounding his one teammate with the dark curls whose name you couldn’t quite remember - things went smoothly.

Time passed quickly, helped on by the dozens of new people you were introduced to. The small talk and repetitive questions had you mentally winded, but Osamu’s constant touch whether on your elbow or back or shoulder grounded you. Instead of feeling your heart race as it usually did when he was near, you only felt calm.

It all came crashing down sometime deep into the night when most of the guests had headed home and those left over passed out, scattered everywhere about the house. Well, everywhere aside from the neat guest bedroom tucked away toward the back that Osamu had pulled you back to when the last man (who had drunkenly tried teaching you how to say ‘volleyball’ in Portuguese) had finally passed out.

The single drink you had gulped down hours ago was long gone from your system, but even without it you still found it easy to speak with him, even as his arms inconspicuously wrapped around your torso and brought you down to lie beside him on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling for a moment while the two of you remained in short silence, a thought came to your head, another thing you want to tell him or ask him. You’re not sure which because in the next moment, when you whip your head to face him, he does the same.

If you had been any closer your faces would’ve smashed together. Any farther away and you wouldn’t be brushing lips. Just as soon as the touch begins, it ends with you scrambling away, stopped from falling off the bed by his strong arm wrapping around and pulling you back to his chest. The silence thickens with every second that neither of you speak, but he thankfully breaks it within the minute.

The words fumble around the front of your mouth like your mouth is numb. “I’m so sorry that-!”

“Well, that wasn’t really a proper kiss.” He says plainly, a smile barely etching its way onto the corner of his lips.

“N-no, it was not.” You whisper. It doesn’t quite feel real when he kisses you for real, and for a second you’re worried you’ve deluded yourself. You sigh into his firm touch, finally releasing the tension in your chest and letting your own lightly trembling hands trace up the space between your chests to settle against his. His body is softer than you had thought it would feel, somehow so much more comforting and homey than you could have imagined.

After an endless moment, his mouth strains against yours as he forces himself to pull away with a little huff. Your eyes find his, bright and hopeful, and still a little bit surprised. Between all your personal longing and resignation that he didn’t feel the same, you hadn’t noticed the way he smiled more when you were nearby, the little blush that dusted his cheeks when you complimented his cooking that first time, and so much more.

“Wanted to do that for a long time.” He sighs, leaning his forehead against yours and letting his heavy eyes close. Hiding your grin in his chest, you nod, wrapping your arms around him and snuggling in closer. When your knee glides against his thigh in an attempt to get more comfortable and flush to him, he clears his throat. “We should get changed if we’re going to sleep here. I have extra clothes in the dresser.”

“Okay.” You nod slightly, not wanting to move just yet. He seems to be with you because, despite his own words, he remains exactly in place with his grip just as tight as ever around your waist. “...Samu?” You finally ask, pulling back far enough to look up at him.

“I wanna kiss you again.”

“Okay,” you repeat, “then kiss me again.” The crooked, giddy smile you’re giving him seems to tense him up even more.

He inhales deeply through his nose, eyes darkening as they flicker across the planes of your face. “I wanna, but I don’t want to push this unless you feel the same.”

If your tired heart could vibrate any harder it would probably be bursting out of your chest.

“Well, I feel that we should kiss again,” you press a peck to his cheek hoping it’ll steady your next vulnerable words, “because I’ve thought about you a lot, and I really like this.” You emphasize your words by glancing down at the negative space between your bodies and running your hand up the built expanse of his shoulders.

Humming, he cradles the back of your head, gracefully moving to straddle you and ghost his lips over yours. “In that case, tell me when to stop.” The hot breathy fan of air from his whisper barely hits your cheeks before he’s pressing a deep kiss against your lips.

You slot together like perfect puzzle pieces, limbs finding the just the right spots to fit into. Mouths move desperately, passionately and without thinking your fingers start dancing under the hem of his shirt, brushing against the hot skin beneath. With a tempered groan, he uncouples his lips from yours, kissing along your jaw and quickly moving to trace down your neck. The kitten nips and licks against your collarbone send electricity through your bones, forcing you to flex into him, hips awkwardly jutting forward for something more.

“You… you, ah, are so perfect.” You pant, eyes blinking wide open when the calloused tips of his fingers roughly trail under your shirt, up your sides, stopping just short of your chest to flip your shirt up.

Groaning so quietly you barely hear him, he buries himself between your breasts and sighs against your skin. “Yer even more beautiful up close and without all this,” he pauses for the briefest moment to undo your bra and lift it over your head with the shirt, “extra stuff on.”

Scoffing out a short giggle, you relax back, watching how his eyes drink you in as though they’ve been starved. “By extra stuff you mea-!” The quip is promptly cut off by the feeling of his mouth latching around one breast, the other being tended to by his opposite hand. Not a moment later he pulls away, smiling as you let out a pitchy whine.

“Yer pretty mouthy when yer comfortable, huh?” He mumbles, lips ghosting over your nipple while the one in his hand continues to be teased.

“N-no,” you rush to disagree. Judging by the eye roll he gives you, he doesn’t seem to believe you, but he doesn’t say anything more, simply bringing his attention back to your chest.

The way his suckles tiny, bright purple marks into your skin sends heat pooling into your stomach, hips noticeably grinding up against him now. As the seconds drag on, he doesn’t seem interested in anything other than your tits, enamored with the way they feel in his hand and mouth. It’s almost too much, and you feel your stomach tightening with every moment the teasing continues.

“Samu,” you whine softly, “samu, please, can’t s’too much, really need…” The words are jumbled and garbled. You can’t quite sort your brain to come up with anything coherent, distracted by the wet pooling in your underwear and the weight of his body crowding over yours.

“Sensitive tits?” He coos with a sharp glint in his eyes, gears obviously moving in his head for the future. “That’s okay,” he continues while pressing a soft kiss to each of your breasts, “What do you really need?”

“Need you to touch me.”

For a second, his mouth opens but he doesn’t speak. You fear he’s going to tease you, make you explain in lewd detail how bad you need him and where you want him to touch you, but he doesn’t. He simply nods, truthfully too caught up in the intoxicating feeling of your body and too impatient to feel you for the first time to drag this out.

“Good girl, I’m gonna take these off.” He starts, hooking his fingers under the waistband of your pants and underwear to take them off together. Without hesitation, his eyes travel between your legs. “Such a pretty, little cunt.” He hums already squeezing in between your thighs. Obviously distracted, he peppers little kissed up the sensitive skin on the inside of your thighs, still caught up staring at your soaking mess.

“Samu, please…” You whine. While you know he isn’t purposefully teasing, well you don’t know but you don’t think at least, it’s just as frustrating. Your knees lock around his thick shoulders, pulling him closer to your heat.

“Okay, okay, pretty girl.” He grumbles, lapping right at the crook of your thigh and hip. There’s a split second of tense silence wherein he carefully spread your lips admiring the glisten of your slick under the dim light of the lamp. Your entire body is tense with anticipation, legs shaking as they struggled to spread around his wide frame.

And just like that quiet moment is over - he laps you up so desperately and greedily you’re twitching under his grasp, clawing at the wrinkled bed sheets below you for anything to ground you. He doesn’t stop when he shifts your legs over his shoulders and wraps his hands around the bottom of your tummy to keep your jostling hips in place.

When you finally look back down to grab his hand, keeping a vice grip around his fingers, you also glance down for the first time. His dark, hazy eyes meet yours and you completely relax at last.

The feeling doesn’t last long, not when he pushes his tongue into your tight, unprepared hole, slurping all he can get and pushing in as far as he can go. Osamu’s eyes roll to the back of his head at the sensation, your cum dribbling down his chin and coating up to his nose that keeps brushing against your throbbing clit.

With a solid, squelching pop he tears away from you. “Taste so good,” he heaves, lips coming back even as he’s speaking, ghosting over you. He buries himself in your cunt again, this time focusing solely on your clit, cycling through different motions until he finds the one that makes your hips strain under his sturdy hold.

“Feel so good!” You sigh. “Please, please wanna cum.”

Smirking against you, he takes the hand you’re not clinging to back under your thigh and props it against your ass, slowly teasing a finger in. Absolutely gushing now, it slips in easily. You can feel his smile grow again for a moment before he refocuses on your clit, motions speeding up and increasing the pressure with which he worked. It’s impossible to not shudder under him now, especially with one arm only holding you down.

“C’mon, pretty girl, cum.” He murmurs, easily hooking a second finger into you, pumping and curling them in time with his tongue. As he feels you flutter and cream he can’t help but rut into the mattress, cock swelling from the taste of you. The pressure inside is too much and your want to let go is pushing you closer and closer, although it’s his mouth and fingers that really push you forward.

“C-cu-!” The words get trapped in your throat, overtaken by a hushed moan you struggle to bite back, trying - but very much failing - to be mindful of all the half-sleeping people strewn through the house. He slowly brings you down, fingers winding down and tongue lapping up your swollen clit while you convulse at his touch in time with the fluttering of your cunt.

At last, you have to drag him off, needily tugging up on his hands until he lets go. You try to pull him in to kiss, but he hesitates, his strength far outweighing your weak, blissful one and he hovers above you. There’s no reason to ask because almost immediately his fingers that were inside of you, absolutely drenched, come up to his mouth so he can make a show of sucking them dry for you.

“Taste even better than the stuff you make.” He sighs, letting you drag him down to your face. You can smell and taste yourself so strongly on his damp lips, it clouds your already hazy senses.

“Hmm,” you manage out, when he rests his entire body weight against yours, lips pressed into the side of your head. It’s only when you go to shift that you feel him pressing so incredibly hard and flush to you exposed skin through his soft pants, that you perk up. “Samu,” you begin brushing your fingers through his soft, dark hair, “can I...wanna help you.”

“Mhmm,” he nestles against your neck, kissing over the spots he left behind earlier, “in a minute, pretty girl, we have a lot of time ahead of us.”

[latibulesims]

Hey Lati!

I’m so sorry to press you for more information, but I’m so fascinated by your filming process and I have some additional questions if that’s okay. Specifically around your sets that are just individual rooms, are these just multiple secular room sets on one lot, or do you use a different lot for each set? Like with the River’s house when any family member is coming downstairs, is Tresor or Raign’s room not on that lot? The living room and kitchen? Lol I’m just so fascinated by this if that’s the case, and if so it’s extremely impressive because they look like they all could actually be one complete set. Sorry if this makes zero sense, I’ve just never thought to try this and now I really want to! ☺️ Thanks so much!

Haha no you make total sense!! First of all thank you for watching my series, and don't worry at all about asking questions! I know filming with The Sims 2 can be difficult bc of how often it crashes and its loading time, so any tips I can give to help the game crash less, im happy to share 💖

The sets are actually on different lots entirely! So, when Tresor "comes downstairs", or the characters go from the living room to the kitchen, I load an entirely new lot! I think the only exception I make is with bathrooms because they're so tiny haha, but any time you see the characters going from one room to the other, it's usually a different lot all together. :')

It may sound exhausting to some, having to jump from one lot to another, but over the years (I've been doing this since 2017, at least!) I've managed some tips that help, for those that are interested:

1) I make multiple sims of the same character, so that every sim belongs to every lot! So, if Tresor for example needs to be in her bedroom, the living room and Simons bar within the same episode, I create 3 Tresors (TresorBED, TresorLIVING, TresorBAR), and that way I don't have to move her around.

I should also note that I change neighborhoods every episode (more on that in tip #3), so it might sound like a lot of sims over the episodes but really it's usually just 3 versions of the same character in one neighborhood at a time.

You might find it's easier to just move the sims from one lot to the other, but in my experience moving the sims around (or using the tombstone to extract them) always ends up crashing my game so this is a really good way to avoid it all together!

2) I don't film chronologically, but by sets! This is my #1 tip. I basically gather up all the scenes I have in 1 set and I film them. That way i dont have to go back and forth between lots, instead I just finish off all the scenes I need using a lot and move on to the next! Sometimes a set has so many scenes I end up filming in one set for weeks at a time (usually Simons bar, haha, that S2E1 Christmas episode needed like 3 sets (Simons bar, Simons living room, The Rivers living room), and I spent two months just filming in Simons bar).

The only time I won't recommend this, is when you havent yet found your own style. Then you might risk something like this happening: You're just starting to film, and you have the 1st and last scene in the episode in the same set. So, you film them both. Then you film a couple more scenes after that, and then you reach the final set and by then your filming skills have changed (if you haven't found your style and take months filming an episode - which is completely valid, BTW - this could mean a drastic change). Then, scene #1 (which you filmed at the very beginning) could have a completely different filming style than scene #2 (which you filmed at the very end), and so on. You wouldn't want that.

I had something like that happen to me, where I discovered reshade mid-filming an episode, so the scenes I filmed at the beginning of the episode didnt have it, and then the scenes I filmed at the end did it. It made the epsiode look incosistent, which is something I don't really care about (and neither do my viewers, really), but you might so letting you know as a heads up! Some of these tips do compromise the "professionalism" of the episodes, but it's how i manage to film and pop out episodes with (relative) quickness :').

Thats why for many reasons, including should you want to film by set instead of chronologically, I suggest you find your style before filming an episode or starting a series all together. This can be done through creating small machinimas, filming tests, music videos, etc. Take it from someone who can't even handle sitting through the first 8 episodes of my own series because of how much my style back then. The way it drastically changed from one episode to another irks me so much! 😅

3) And this is my most controversial one, LOL, but I always build sets + new neighborhoods from scratch with every episode. As I mentioned above, I change neighborhoods with every episode because, in my experience, neighborhoods get corrupt with time so starting with a fresh neighborhood every episode helps avoid crashing. Previously, neighborhoods would get so corrupt, they'd stop loading at all mid-filming an episode, so im forced to interrupt my filming streak and build the sets and characters all together which absolutely wrecks any motivation I have to film afterwards. Once, this happened mid-filming a scene and so I had to rebuild, and let me tell you: Theres a difference between sets looking a bit different because I had to rebuild between episodes, and sets looking different within the same scene. At least when you rebuild the set with every new episode, you can blame minor changes on the fact that time passed from one episode to the other.

Also: I make sure to build all the sets I need for the episode before I start filming, because I dont want anything to interrupt my filming once I start it. If Im forced to build when I'm motivated to film, I end up losing that motivation in the time I spend building, if that makes sense. As u probably already know as a machinima maker, we do the work that is usually required of a team (writer, director, editor, and also stylist and set designers), so I like to do things one at a time so I can have a clear understanding of my schedule and timetable. So, I dedicate 2 days to style all the sims, a week or so to build all the sets, usually months to film the episode, then another week to edit and audio edit. I try my best not to have all of those parts overlapping, otherwise it gets too overwhelming.

The reason I rebuild from scratch, as opposed to just extracting the lot and installing it in a new neighborhood is because, again, I prefer a fresh start and have found that lots are less likely to get corrupt if they're "new". A lot of people think im crazy for it LOL, or that it's a colossal waste of time, and maybe it is! But it's the process that works best for me, and I end up filming really fast with much less crashing and hiccups because of it!

Hope that helps!!! :') Let me know if you have any other questions about my filming process or any other tips 💖💖💖 I'd love to help!

[cutegirlmayra]

Sonamy Week 2 - Dear Diary

Day 1 -

We just entered the dimensional portal and met up with all our older and alternate universe selves.

Mine is kinda cute, but she needs to try more. That’s just my opinion. Teehee! ^////^

Sonic and the older Sonic raced away to fight Eggman, I hope they’ll be okay... When they got back, I was so excited!!! I jumped really, really high many times to try and see them over the hill.

Sonic ducked through my leaps towards him but I caught him at a wall so he got his ‘Welcome back!’ hug. ;)

Then... I heard a weird conversation between my older, alternate universe self and older, alternate Sonic...

-------

“I just don’t remember you ever being that mean to me!” Amy held her arms tightly around her, looking away as Sonic nervously scratched the back of his head.

“M-mean?” He seemed secretly hurt by that phrasing but didn’t say anything more.

“I guess... after all these years, I only remember the good parts about our past. I never realized how much you tried to dodge me or even push me away...”

Classic Amy was hunched under a stand that was at the corner of the outside wall. Her heart sank and her eyes watered at hearing her older self say something like that...

They were there to stop Eggman... not stop her love story.

“I-... I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding, Amy.” Sonic tried to counter, but Amy just bent her eyebrows back and looked sorrowfully down to the ground.

“Hey...” she cut him off a little, jolting him back from her obvious ignorance of his last line. “Was there ever a time you really enjoyed being with me?”

“What kind of question is that?” Losing a bit of his temper, Sonic defiantly stepped back and side-stepped her. “How could you ask me something like that?”

“... Was it a loaded question?”

He folded his arms and huffed, “It’s a ridiculous question! Of course, I’ve had fun with you! We’re friends, Amy!” he spoke pretty animatedly with his hands, unfolding them to gesture around his jittery responses.

It was clear he was uncomfortable, so Amy just pouted and placed her hands confidently to her hips, striking a spirited pose.

“Fine, then. I’ll see it as boyish arrogance.” she puffed up the side of her cheek in the last fumes of her anger before popping it out with a sound as though that’s how she was letting it go. “Just maybe talk to your younger self about it. Encourage him to be more... understanding of my feelings.”

“...E...Eh?” Sonic once again seemed out of his comfort zone, not sure how to go about that, and not really sure he should be interfering with how his younger self acted. “It’s just their past, Amy. Can’t we... just drop it?”

“AH!” Both Amy’s gasped in offense, but Classic Amy quickly covered her gaping mouth outside.

Sonic retreated with a few steps back, and with each step, another bit of his hope at somehow overcoming this topic was crushed and hammered out.

“You can be so insensitive, sometimes!”

He sighed before the two heard some rustling and a few sobs.

“What was that?” Sonic asked, moving over to the door and looking out.

He watched as Classic Amy raced around the corner.

“Oh no...” He facepalmed himself, ‘Amy’s gonna kill me if she finds out her younger self heard all that...’

“What’s wrong?” Amy waited patiently within the room, and Sonic had a to look back and make a speedy decision.

“Uhh... We may have had a slight eavesdropper...” He awkwardly sweatdropped, figuring honesty was better than having her find out some other way.

“An eavesdropper? It couldn’t be...” she worriedly put her finger up to her mouth, clearly about the freak out when Sonic waved his hands out to try and settle her shivering nerves.

“Don’t worry, Amy! I’ll talk to her. I think that might be best at this point.” Sonic lowered his head in a bit of humility, ‘How could that ever be easier than just telling myself to be less obvious?’

He raced out after seeing Amy nod uncontrollably at his idea, noticing her break down might happen at any moment. He caught up to Classic Amy easily, skidding to a halt behind her.

“Wait up, Little Amy!” he smiled warmly but noticed her whole face was fearful, teary-eyed, and full of confusion.

“...Oh man.” He felt his heart take an escalator slowly up to his throat.

She slowly turned around, “W-why... Why are you so mean to me?”

The escalator had a hitch in its momentum and suddenly the icky-ucky feeling in his gut decided to take the elevator.

 “I’m... I’m not mean to you...” He slowly fell to a knee, crumbling at how sweetly innocent her voice sounded. ‘Man, I remember this age.’ he thought to himself, the nostalgia getting to him. “I care an awful lot about your wellbeing.” He tried to remember she was a child, speaking in plain terms, but it still felt a little awkward.

He had memories of her overly affectionate outbreaks of kisses and hugs, and the reflex to flinch back almost triggered at just the thought of them!

He shook his head, “Sometimes,... Amy.... I’m not good with showing how I really feel.”

“...Could you write it down?” She raised an eyebrow, seeking desperately for understanding.

Now he felt both the stomach and his heart fighting for space in his throat.

He had to clear it, sending them all straight back down where they belonged. “Gee, I don’t know about that but... you can always try.”

Her face suddenly lit up with an idea then. She rubbed the tears off her eyes, and nodded. “I’ll make you one then!”

“H-huh? Make me one wha-Hey!” he reached out for her when she dashed off. “J-... Just don’t tell Amy! Or give younger me a hard time about this..! ...Oh boy.” he worried what his younger self would think, but at least it was out of his hands now.

-----

Day 3 - I’ve completed my project!

I placed my ‘Book of What Makes Me Happy’ under Sonic’s arm today. Older Sonic had said that maybe writing it down would be best, and I think so too!

I’ve recorded what I said in this book too, just so I remember what I did!

The first page is a drawing with me on it, saying --- “This is what makes me happy!” then the other pages go as follows, 1. Spending time with Sonic and his friends. 2. Going on adventures with Sonic and his friends. 3. Eating together with Sonic and his friends. 4. What makes me most happiest is when I’m with Sonic!

I contemplating drawing a wedding at the end, but I ran out of paper. :’( It’s okay though, I drew us looking out at the sunset.

While I was drawing, I tried to hide my pictures from Sonic. He had come back with his older self and tried to peek over and see what I was doing at the table.

I was really careful not to show him! >:Y I didn’t want him to ruin the surprise! But then he did something I won’t forget...

He sat down next to me and drew us drawing together, with big smiles on our faces, and laughing with one another...

Aww, it was so cute! I had to put it in The Book of What Makes Me Happy. I just had too! So the last page was his picture, which I asked if I could keep.

He didn’t write on it, but I was excited he let me keep it.

Day 4 -

Sonic’s acting weird around me... He must have seen my book, why didn’t he want to talk about it?

I put on the final page to write me a book of his happiness, so that way, I would know what made him happy too. Smart, right? :Db

Well, he’s being a jerk again! >Bc Hmph! He kept avoiding me all day and hiding something behind his back. I even threw my hammer in a tantrum, but instead of rushing over to comfort me, he sped off again! That was mean!

Older Sonic just laughed and called me a Rascal... that also hurt my feelings... but older me said he meant it in a loving way...

I don’t see it, but I trusted her anyway when he looked back and gave me a wink. That made me happy again! *//nwn//* Older Sonic is so handsome! Getting a wink from him made my day, heehee!~

Day 6 -

Sonic spoke to me again, he quickly said -- “Here! Have this!” I was so shocked but he smashed a poorly-shuffled book at me and ran.

Its cover was cardboard with the words, ‘What Makes Me Happy - Amy’s Eyes Only.’ Then a picture of himself with angry eyes. I guess that means its my response, right?

I was so excited, I just rushed to my room and closed the door right away! I didn’t know what to expect, but I’m glad I got to read it...

His book had pictures just like mine! One was him sleeping in a tree, and he wrote--well, scribbled--”What Makes Me Happy is being alone in nature.” That made me frown because it contradicted what I had said.

The next page had, “2. Fighting Robotnik and Robots!” and had him crashing into and sticking his tongue out at a badnik. It made me giggle, hehe! But I was still sad it didn’t have me in it...

“3. Watching sunsets...” This one broke my heart, he was watching the sunset alone! And he drew it just like I had! But cut me out of the picture! I was about ready to thrown down the book, but noticed there was a sliver of paper still attached to the ringlets around the book.

I turned the page and low and behold! It was a picture of all our friends! And there was a cut out section where Sonic was still watching the sunset, but now Tails, Knuckles, and even I was there! It read above it, “...Even with my friends!”

That made me very, very happy! But I noticed there was still one piece of paper left.

I flipped it over and it had me hugging Sonic on it. He drew hearts all over where I was but he put a swiggly line as his nervous smile. Aww, how cute! He’s so shy~

That one was my favorite, he wrote, “And lastly, you make me happy too.”

That was it! I was gonna marry him and no one could tell me otherwise! Hehe!!! <3 <3 <3 xoxxxxo

-----

Sonic was strolling with Classic Amy up on top of his head, playing keep-away with his younger self as he tried to take her back from him.

“You’ll never see her again! Whaha!” Sonic was clearly playing with them, but even Classic Tails joined in the fun, though it took some effort to get Classic Knuckles to see it as a game.

When Classic Sonic finally saved Classic Amy, Sonic let him have her and watched him take off with Tails and Knuckles, all heading back to the portal.

“Aww, that was sweet.” Amy approached Sonic, looking lovestruck at seeing how good he was with ‘kids’.

Sonic just chuckled, “Yeah, well... I thought a lot about what you said.”

“Really? That’s new.” Amy teased, but Sonic just rolled his eyes.

“Heh... Anyway, I wanted him to value his friendship with her. So by playing keep-away, I think I resparked that old flame.”

“...Old flame?” Amy’s eyes blinked in delight, leaning towards his eyeline and stepping in front of her. Her hands were behind her back as she swayed her body back and forth a moment. “Whatever do you mean by that, my darling Sonic~?”

“H-huh?” He head meant helping his younger self remember how much Amy meant to him, but not like this! “W-wa-wait a second! Hold on, Amy! You might have the wrong idea!”

“Oh, I think I got the right idea... hehe~ Now time to convince you it is!” she jumped at him, mimicking her younger years of flirting with him as Sonic quickly escaped her arms and began to move back, shaking his head and hands that he placed out in front of him.

“R-Really, Amy! It’s not what you think!”

“What was that? I can’t hear your sweet nothings from all the way over there~”

“Q-quit that, Amy! We’re not kids anymore! Yikes!” he took off but Amy was right on his heels!

(I’m trying to get these sonamy week prompts out on time. I hope this works ^^; )

[seasaltmemories]

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein Review/Analysis

Really expanding my pallet by tackling a book instead of anime like I’ve done in the past, but I have a lot of complex thoughts about this that I pretty much need to spill out immediately

Summary time:

Elizabeth Lavenza hasn't had a proper meal in weeks. Her thin arms are covered with bruises from her "caregiver," and she is on the verge of being thrown into the streets . . . until she is brought to the home of Victor Frankenstein, an unsmiling, solitary boy who has everything--except a friend. Victor is her escape from misery. Elizabeth does everything she can to make herself indispensable--and it works. She is taken in by the Frankenstein family and rewarded with a warm bed, delicious food, and dresses of the finest silk. Soon she and Victor are inseparable. But her new life comes at a price. As the years pass, Elizabeth's survival depends on managing Victor's dangerous temper and entertaining his every whim, no matter how depraved. Behind her blue eyes and sweet smile lies the calculating heart of a girl determined to stay alive no matter the cost . . . as the world she knows is consumed by darkness.

All my reviews are extremely personal, but this is going to get even more personal bc of the unique relationship I have with the original Frankenstein, I read that back in my senior year of high school and while it wasn’t a favorite of mine, I had my fun with it, I wasn’t the most diligent student, skipping much of the latter half bc I wanted to focus more on my senior thesis, but I really enjoyed Victor as a protagonist.  In contrast to how adaptions portray him, he’s a pathetic teenager/20-something who drops out of college bc he gets offended when his science professors laugh at him for wanting to study alchemy instead of a real field of science.  He gets sick at the drop of the hat, is so self-centered he really only acknowledges others when they are right in front of him, and a coward who can’t take responsibility for any of the problems he creates, all without being particularly malicious, I more enjoy laughing at him than fangirling over him, but there is a lot of humanity there that I find endearing in its own way

But I was an Elizabeth fangirl, the girl goes through equal amounts of hell without knowing it is all the fault of the man she adores.  While the narrative mostly kept her as “love interest” I felt their could be a lot of pathos to her tale and even wrote an essay about it.  However as I looked for academic material/retellings, I couldn’t find any that shared my sentiment

Recently I was brought back to Frankenstein because of a local writing contest that was celebrating its 200th birthday.  While it was looking for horror submissions in general, I wrote a modern retelling with the intent of giving it a female perspective and subsequently won first place for it

So when I discovered this book, published around the same time as when I wrote my own retelling, it seemed made for me.  And oh those first few chapters were a treat, it felt exactly like something I might even write: Elizabeth is someone who plays the angel bc she fears she won’t survive if she is anything less perfect, and no matter the situation this suffocating anxiety grips her every action as she tests people’s reaction to her, I was on cloud nine for all of act 1, other reviews seem to dislike the slow past of that part as it all takes place in one slow day with lots of flashbacks, but I loved marinating in Elizabeth’s inner world as I hadn’t be able to before

Act 2 is where some complicated feelings mixed in, and to talk about then completely I’m gonna go into spoilers.  If you are interested in it so far or tend to like my writing of worn-down girls trying to survive in worlds where their image can decide their fate, then I recommend it.  For full effect it helps to have read Frankenstein since there is so much of the novel is tied to the original and it pays a lot of love to the cultural icon it has become as a whole, but apparently other reviewers have enjoyed it without that prior knowledge.  If you are still on the fence/don’t care about spoilers, let’s dive into the next 2/3rds of it

First of all, this novel reads so much like fanfic.  I say that as not a measure of the quality of its writing, bc at its core it is fanfic, and since it falls into that genre, it shapes many of its strengths and flaws.  For example, Act 2 is the weakest section of all bc so much of the plot is recounting plot point by plot point or the original, and aside while the POV switch makes certain events, like Justine’s death hit harder and in a different way, it also inherits some less tightly-written sections, like Victor traveling to England to build the bride.  But in a way I can excuse that because by then I had started to treat it like fanfiction and took that as a sunk cost that couldn’t be avoided bc of the format

What really shows that this is fanfic is the fact that rather than simply retell the original, it uses the material left behind to build an original story of a woman trying to find an identity that has never felt her own, and I don’t find any fault in that because I have done the same, hell I’ve written about blonde teenage Elizabeths in the 19th century who tailor their entire personality for their dark, morally ambiguous cousin that they are in love with it, but because I can so closely relate to the mere concept of writing a story like this, I find I am much more critical of matters of personal taste than I would be otherwise

To put it bluntly, TDDEF’s Victor is not Shelley’s Victor.  And while it tries to play that “untold story” angle to explain the discrepancies, it does not work.  Here Victor is like one step away from being a literal demon child, lacking any care for anyone besides Elizabeth and always ready to cut someone/thing open with a knife.  He is completely obsessed with her, being inspired to conquer death not because of losing his mother, but because he realized her morality when she catch a life-threatening illness, and while it works for the story TDDEF wants to tell, it is not the Victor I know as he goes on to do even worse things than Shelley’s version

Now again I am faced with having done the same before, taking much less morally gray characters and in fanon dying then a few shades darker, but while this is nitpicky, it makes a lot of the details between the two works not line up so well, even before the narratives diverge

Like for example I never bought Victor’s love or even obsession for Elizabeth here, like Shelley’s version they are often apart and even when together Victor is stuck in his studies, yet here she becomes his entire motivation, part of this was because TDDEF wanted to highlight the problematic elements of the original relationship, but I feel like it still could have been done while veering closer to the original depiction, like despite all Elizabeth does for him, he treats her more like a pet he has to remember to feed and allows her to go through a lot of trauma to save his own skin, that’s still a damning portrayal without falling into the evil cartooniness TDDEF’s version sometimes does, but even within that criticism I can see my biases getting in the way bc I like and write male love interests who mean well but can still fall into toxic behaviors

Regardless, Act 3 is where the narrative really comes into its own, and while I still prefer Act 1, it preferable to the safeness and predictability of Act 2.  It is completely unsubtle about the message it wants to send, and while I can’t fault it for it, that’s when the YA label really starts to show, my feelings about the YA genre could fill an entirely different post, but to explain what I mean about feeling YA  in the most simplest terms, well I would have absolutely adored it if I was younger, sometimes it may get cheesy or self-indulgent but I know if I was the target audience it would have shaken my entire worldview on what books could do and say.  And a lot of that is bc it caters to the adolescent appeal of fanfic, like the narrative could have ended two chapters before its true end, but it instead goes on what feels like a fan’s post-canon imaginings, which while a bit too sappy and simplistic for me, is the type of closure younger me would be starved for

So I am in an odd position, feeling on one hand almost betrayed for it drifting from the vision I found perfect, but also knowing it did so to be true to a vision younger!me would have needed, I guess the best way to describe it is that while Act 1 is still something I personally enjoy, the rest is something I more appreciate from an academic/impersonal perspective.  And while I can’t say I am completely satisfied to be there, I feel like maybe a high school girl who reads Frankenstein for her English class and falls for Elizabeth like I did may now be able to find others giving her the type of love she needs Elizabeth to get

[littledonkeyburrito]

I will wear jeans in hell

1. Do you think it’s rude when people speak slowly when talking to people that don’t know English well? No, it’s helpful, especially if the english speaking person has an accent the other person isn’t used to. I wish people would speak slower to me in spanish. The worst is when you ask them to speak slower and they repeat the exact same thing at the exact same speed. Speak slower but don’t be condescending.

2. What’s irritating you right now? My heater isn’t warm enough and my feet are cold.

3. Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions? Depends on the question. I like telling stories about myself and my life but I don’t enjoy getting into emotions and stuff.

4. Would you ever sleep with someone to get a job? Depends on the job and who I have to sleep with.

5. Would you ever travel by yourself? I have, several times. And I will again at the end of the month when I go to Paris, although I’m hoping to be able to meet up with someone to go to Disneyland with.

6. When was the last time you consumed alcohol? I had a beer yesterday I think. Or maybe it was the day before, idk

7. When will you see your best friend next? January at the absolute earliest

8. Have you ever broken a bone? No

9. Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents? Sure, but not as my partner

10. Are any of your friends virgins? Yeah

11. Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or laying down? Standing up

12. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? There was one person I was pretty cranky at for a while but I don’t care anymore.

13. What plans do you have for tomorrow? No plans. I would go grocery shopping but tomorrow is sunday so everything will be closed.

14. What time did you wake up? I woke up to construction sounds and got annoyed because it was way too early for that kind of noise but I looked at my phone and it was 11:30. Still went back to sleep for another hour though.

15. Have you ever found a bug in your food? I have this one memory as a kid I had had a sleepover at my friend’s house and in the morning we were having breakfast in his dad’s cafe next door and I got pancakes and there was a wasp in it. I didn’t actually care, I ate around it.

16. What is most of your junk email from? Currently mostly from Dick Smith and a job search website

17. Do you have any upcoming appointments? what for? Flight at the end of the month. Does that count?

18. Would you be content to turn out just like your mom? Very much so, my mother is an amazing woman.

19. What is one skill you would like to have, but don’t want to work towards? Probably something super boring like knowing how to be an accountant or something. It would be useful to have for jobs and stuff but so boring to actually achieve.

20. Do you have letters of the alphabet that you like? Which ones? Not in english, but in spanish I like ñ because I like drawing the squiggle and also x because it’s pronounced differently depending which country you’re in.

21. If you could pick one topic for everyone in your country to learn more about, what would you pick? For australia, human rights and ethics so that they can start treating aboriginals and asylum seekers with a bit more respect.

22. How do you feel about people your age having children? I just don’t understand why

23. When was the last time you were at a park? Probably sometime when I was in panama. I don’t think I’ve been in a park since I’ve been back

24. Could you fall asleep right now if you tried? Wish I could, but no. Otherwise I’d be in bed.

25. Do you feel like going to funerals helps you in the grieving process? I have never been to one so I don’t know.

26. Who was the last person you heard snore? Panama guy

27. Do you think it’s possible for an 18 year old to be ready to get married? I think you should experience the real world before you commit to something like marriage. But hey, to each their own.

28. Have you ever had a dream about someone on tv, or a show? What happened? Yeah many times but the dream that comes to mind I had while I was in Colombia. I dreamt that I was on a yacht making out with Henry Cavill.

29. Have you ever taken a nap in an unusual or especially uncomfortable place, i.e. on top of your keyboard, under a table, etc? When I was at uni I would curl up in the bay window at the end of the aisle in the library and nap in the sunbeam. I have slept in trains and buses on terribly bumpy roads. I can even sleep on planes now. I’ve definitely napped on some floors, maybe head down on some tables too. Look, I just really like sleep okay and I can always do with a nap when I travel.

30. What was the scent of the last lotion you used? It was just one from the grocery store. It has argon oil in it which I assume gives it a certain smell.

31. Do you have any strange co-workers? I don’t currently work but there were a few weirdos at my old job.

32. When was the last time you had a headache? No idea, I don’t get headaches very often and if I do they’re minor so I wouldn’t remember anyway

33. Is anyone jealous of you? I hope so. Half the reason I use instagram is to make everyone I went to highschool with jealous of my current life.

34. What was the last thing you had to mentally prepare yourself for? that would have been for quitting that telemarketing job.

35. What’s something you’re currently dreading? Not finding a job and having to organise a move back to australia

36. If your living space could smell like anything in the world, but it would ALWAYS smell that way and you could never change it, what would you choose for it to smell like? I don’t know. Maybe citrus, or baked goods?

37. What’s something you wish were taught when you were in school? Actual life skills.

38. How would you describe your sense of humor? Varied. But mostly I like goofy, wholesome humour where nobody is the butt of the joke and nobody gets hurt.

39. Do you ever notice other people’s body language when you’re speaking with them? Sometimes

40. Is there a meal you simply cannot eat if it’s missing something (a salad without croutons, a sandwich without cheese, etc)? No..? I’ll eat just about anything

41. Is there something that other people see/hear and automatically think of you? You would have to ask those other people

42. Do you ever just feel like you need to be alone for some reason? Yeah, I often prefer to be alone when I’m at home. It stresses me out to have someone in my space for too long.

43. If you got paid $5 per survey you made, could you make a living just doing that? I probably could but it would old really quick

44. When was the last time you wore something totally inappropriate for the weather? Does this happen often? Every day in central america because I always wear jeans.

45. The last time you went out of the house, where were you going and what did you do? I was going to the corner store probably.

46. Do you have a friend that has a tendency to “dump” you whenever they get a new partner? One friend did that for a while. He would stop hanging out with me whenever he started dating someone. But then he got a long term boyfriend and got better about managing his time between his partner and his friends.

47. Would you ever want to go on vacation with just one of your parents? I have travelled a few times with my mum. I get a little frustrated travelling with dad though.

48. In summer, do you prefer to wear dresses or shorts and tops? Or maybe something else? I will wear jeans in hell

49. Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? I just want milk that tastes like real milk

50. How many cans of soda would you say you drink in a week, if any at all? When I lived in australia I had a can of pepsi max a day bc it was my caffeine hit for work. Now I buy a 2L bottle of coke zero maybe once a week. Probably works out about the same tbh

51. When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? I live alone so I get the whole place to myself. I only spend time in my bed/bedroom for sleep

52. If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? Ugh my dad was so annoying about that. I was a nigthshift worker and yet he still found it weird that I preferred to sleep in to any time after 10am. Like, dude, I only go to bed at 7am. There’s no way in hell I’m getting up any time before 2pm. Now my brother works those hours and I’m sure he gets the same crap from dad.

53. How much stuff do you take with you when you go on vacation for a week? If it’s warm weather, I can pack for a week in my backpack and won’t have to do laundry. Cooler weather is harder because I have to pack layers and a jacket. But I still plan on only taking my backpack for my 4 night stay in Paris.

54. How old is your oldest living relative? My grandad is 88 in a couple of months

55. Could you willingly live on a vegan diet? I wouldn’t want to.

56. If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, are you sad that there’ll never be another book or movie? There will definitely be remakes in my lifetime.

57. If you’re an only child, do you wish you had siblings? If you have siblings, do you get along? My brother and I don’t get along. We’re better now that we’re both adults but we’re definitely not friends.

58. How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? About a year and a half. I actually bought it to take on my trip to india. I wanted loose long sleeve shirts to keep the sun off me but not overheat me too much.

59. Are you a slut? Idk, maybe sometimes.

60. What happened last time you got drunk? I drank at home and watched Star Wars. That was it.

61. What do you want right this second? Kinda need to go to the bathroom tbh

62. How are you sitting? Sprawled out on my sofa

63. Did you sleep alone last night? Yeah

64. Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? Yeah

65. What were you doing last night at midnight? I think I was playing the sims

66. Will you have sexual intercourse within the next two weeks? Probably not

67. How many cigarettes have you smoked today? None, I don’t smoke

68. Do you like potato chips? Yeah

69. Do you think you are pregnant? I definitely am not

70. You’ve had sex within these past 10 days haven’t you? Ha! I wish

71. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I do

72. What were you doing this morning at 5:30? Sleeping

73. What were you doing 2 hours ago? Watching netflix

74. Do you like the ocean? Yes

75. How many windows are open on your computer? One window, 5 tabs.

76. Do you know anyone named Matt? I have 2 Matts on facebook.

77. When was the last time you talked to a sibling? Was emailing with my brother a few days ago

78. How late did you stay up last night and why? Went to bed around 1am. Didn’t get to sleep until ~5

79. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? Ooh tough choice. I think maybe greece but I’d also like to visit hawaii at some point. Although tbh neither of them are super high on my list. Top trip I want to do is all of latin america from Mexico to Argentina. Also want to hit up Madagascar. 

80. What color is your underwear right now? Navy blue

81. How is the weather right now? Cold.

82. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes but there’s nobody I want to ask out

83. Have you ever fired a gun? No.

84. Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car? Depends where/how far I’m going and how much it’ll cost.

85. Do you like to cuddle? Sometimes

86. Do you need to get anything from the store right now? If so, what, and why? I need groceries. But it’ll have to wait until monday.

87. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? Urine test a few times. 1) drug tests for work, 2) while I was doing a medical trial a few years ago, 4) routine std check 3) got a UTI :/

88. Is there a food you eat that others find weird or gross? Some people think vegemite is weird and gross but those people are wrong. Also some people don’t understand how I can eat so much chilli.

89. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? I played Mass Effect 2 earlier today, alone.

90. . If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? Sims 3 Supernatural.

91. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I just put it to sleep.

92. Do people ever drive down your street really slowly? Does it creep you out? Anyone who decides to drive down my street has already made a mistake. There is no possible way to do it quickly. It takes time and a person guiding you so that you don’t scrape down the sides of your car. This is a pedestrian street.

93. Do you live in a very diverse community? Yes, this is a pretty multicultural city

94. Did you waste your first kiss, or did it mean something to you? Do you think that people should save their first kisses just like their virginity? It meant something to me at the time, I don’t care now. People can do whatever they want with regards to their first kiss or their virginity.

95. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e coli? One of my work friends got salmonella and it hit while she was on shift. I was at the other end of the site and could hear the conversation between her and the then-supervisor over the radio. It actually messed up her immune system and she kept getting colds and flu more often for about a year after that.

96. How many weeks of summer do you have left before you have to go back to school? 1) I don’t go to school, 2) It’s not summer

97. Who was the last member of your extended family to visit? Where were they visiting from? My Dad visited me back in May. That was the last family member I saw.

98. When was the last time you went on a train? Where were you going? Whenever I last went grocery shopping I’d have gotten the metro there and back. Last long distance train would have been to Castellón to get my yellow fever shot before I went to Colombia.

[junker-town]

Teams of the Week: Notre Dame’s awesome AND super fun? Sorry, haters

We enjoyed the Irish going 4-8. Now we’re just plain enjoying the Irish.

This has to be doubly consternating for college football fans who so very much enjoyed themselves last year: Notre Dame is not only really good again; the Irish are also fun as hell.

Team of the Week: No. 13 Notre Dame (def. No. 11 USC, 49-14)

Fun fact: Brian Kelly’s Notre Dame Fighting Irish went 4-8 last season. It really happened. Buy rings if you want. Definitely make posters and memes. Lord knows plenty on this little corner of the Internet have. But don’t expect it to happen twice.

I have long noted how, when you look at a given year’s S&P+ rankings, you can pretty quickly point out the teams that are likely to rise and fall the next year (from a records standpoint) by simply looking at the standout records. My favorite example is 2011, when both 7-6 Texas A&M (eighth in S&P+) and 8-5 Notre Dame (11th) seemed out of place, ranking much higher than their records suggested they should have. The next year, the two teams went a combined 23-3.

It doesn’t always work out in such a clean manner, but the bottom line is, sometimes your record doesn’t match your on-paper quality. That usually rectifies itself quickly.

My 2017 Notre Dame preview was a summary of a) why fans so very much enjoyed the Irish last year and b) why it was not going to happen again. They were incredibly unlucky and unsuccessful in ways that would be almost impossible to sustain. They finished 26th in S&P+ despite that embarrassing record.

Now they are good enough to take their pent-up frustration out on others.

That BC team that is suddenly an offensive juggernaut? The Irish beat the Eagles by 29 on the road.

That Michigan State team that is suddenly playing Sparty-level defense again? The Irish averaged 5.9 yards per play and scored 38 points in a 20-point road win.

That USC team that we all thought was a genuine national title contender (and that spent most of last season providing evidence for it)? Yeah, the Irish led 28-0 at halftime on Saturday night in South Bend.

Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports

Even their lone loss burnishes their bona fides. The Irish fell 20-19 to a Georgia that has otherwise beaten every other opponent by at least three touchdowns. They’re the only team to hold the Dawgs under 31 points, and they’re one of two to score more than 14.

Saturday night was something else, though. The Irish had 14 rushes of at least 10 yards and allowed USC three of the same. They had four completions of 20-plus yards despite quarterback Brandon Wimbush throwing just 19 passes; USC quarterbacks threw 36 passes and managed three such completions.

I used the plural “quarterbacks” there because USC’s Sam Darnold got hit so much that he was taken out of the game early in the fourth quarter. That he managed to complete 20 of 28 passes against the aggressive Irish defense was impressive, but the completions only averaged about 11 yards each, and he was sacked four times and hit countless others.

This Irish team really is fun. The offense could stand to be more efficient but is pulling off a nearly Penn State- or Oklahoma State-level of big plays: 26 gains of 30-plus yards (sixth in FBS), eight of 60-plus (second), etc. And it only seems like Josh Adams — 10 yards per carry on Saturday night, 9.2 for the season — is responsible for all of them.

Josh Adams : 19 carries, 191 yards & 3 TD's (105 carries for 967 yards & 8 TD's this season) http://pic.twitter.com/RRW0hTqvkJ

— Lee Harvey (@MusikFan4Life) October 22, 2017

Josh Adams deserves a slow clap!! Retweet to get it started!!! GO IRISH!! ☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️ http://pic.twitter.com/4WxZVoq0PE

— Golden Tate (@ShowtimeTate) October 22, 2017

The defense, meanwhile, has been perhaps even more dominant. Despite having already played three teams in the S&P+ top 25, they entered fifth in defensive success rate and still have yet to allow more than 20 points in a game.

Rarely does Notre Dame get the chance to play the “DISRESPECT!!” or “NOBODY BELIEVES IN US!!” cards. Kelly is making the most of it. And he has a Playoff-caliber team at his disposal at the moment. You don’t have to like it. You can mourn it if you want to. But that won’t change it.

Other teams of the week

2. No. 2 Penn State (def. No. 19 Michigan, 42-13)

The Nittany Lions were so good that they actually allowed themselves an hour of celebration before turning the page to next week’s enormous Ohio State game.

3. Boston College (def. Virginia, 41-10)

Two weeks ago, BC was 2-4 and averaging 16 points per game, 12 against power conference opposition. Last week, the Eagles won a road shootout in Louisville, 45-42. On Saturday, they pummeled one-loss Virginia in Charlottesville, 41-10.

They scored 98 points in their first six games. They have 86 in their last two.

4. Arizona State (def. Utah, 30-10)

Two weeks ago, Arizona State was 2-3 and allowing 36 points per game, 40 against power conference opponents. Last week, the Sun Devils completely shut down national title contender Washington in a 13-7 win. On Saturday, they went to Utah and allowed 10 points in an easy 20-point win.

They were allowing 6.9 yards per play into mid-October. They've allowed 4.1 since.

5. FAU (def. North Texas, 69-31)

North Texas has beaten Southern Miss and UTSA and stayed within 17 points of Iowa. Lane Kiffin’s Owls dropped 69 points and 800 yards on the Mean Green.

6. No. 14 Virginia Tech (def. UNC, 59-7)

Yes, injuries and youth have rendered Larry Fedora’s Tar Heels pretty worthless at the moment. But while fellow ACC Coastal favorite Miami manages to turn every game into spectacular drama, Virginia Tech is just out here romping. They handled sudden offensive powerhouse Boston College by two touchdowns, and on Saturday, they straight-up embarrassed UNC. It was 35-0 at halftime and 52-0 after three quarters.

7. Iowa State (def. Texas Tech, 31-13)

Since upsetting Oklahoma, Matt Campbell’s Cyclones have beaten Kansas and Texas Tech by a combined 76-13. And Tech’s actually pretty decent! What a damn job Campbell is doing this season.

8. Southern Miss (def. Louisiana Tech, 34-27)

You need bullet points to do Southern Miss' Saturday evening in Ruston proper justice. The Eagles:

lost star running back Ito Smith to injury in the second quarter

fell behind the Bulldogs 27-16 with 4:08 remaining in regulation

nailed a 49-yard field goal to get to within 27-19 with 1:23 left

recovered an onside kick

scored on a 22-yard touchdown strike from Keon Howard to Korey Robertson wih 31 seconds left

made the two-point conversion (Howard to tight end Jay'Shawn Washington) to tie the game

allowed Tech to get close enough to attempt a 64-yard field goal at the buzzer, which came up only a couple of yards short

picked Tech off on the second play of overtime

threw a pick of its own on the fourth play of overtime

scored on a 25-yard pass from Howard to Robertson on the fifth play of overtime

shut down Tech to win a ho-hum 34-27 conference road game

9. Eastern Michigan (lost to Western Michigan, 17-20)

Behold the most “What if” team in FBS. Since beating Rutgers, 16-13, on a last-second field goal, the Eagles have lost by seven to Ohio in double overtime, by four to Kentucky, by five to Toledo, by one to Army, and by three to WMU in overtime.

All five of those teams will probably bowl this year. And because they lost to all five by a combined 20 points, the Eagles probably will not. That’s actually harder to pull off than winning a couple of those games. I doubt that’s much consolation, though.

10. Princeton (def. Harvard, 52-17)

Congrats on that big win over Purdue on Saturday, Rutgers. But beware: someone else is gunning for you now.

For the first time since the 1890s @PUTigerFootball has come away from 3 games scoring 50 or more points! #AmbushTheIvy

— Princeton Football (@PUTigerFootball) October 21, 2017

#WeWantRutgers

— Roshan S. (@notKDjustaKDfan) October 21, 2017

God, I love college football.

[tanmath3-blog]

My next victim is Brian Minekime. He is a great guy and really is passionate about his writing, art and life in general. He is always glad to help a fellow writer or a friend in need. Being supportive comes easy for him and he is always very genuine. That is a trait I have always admired about him.  Having had several opportunities to beta read for him is always fun and always a great story. He has a lot of talent and you really want to read his stories! They have never disappointed me. He has a wonderfully creative mind. Recently he painted some gourds and they are beautiful. He is a man of many talents! The quote that follows is one of my favorites that an author has shared. Please help me welcome Brian Minekime to Roadie Notes…….

    I think the most important thing I can say about myself is that I work my butt off-putting my heart and soul into my writing or my art when I’m doing that. I don’t do it for fame or fortune and continuing has come at great personal sacrifice along the way. Some days I think I should just call it quits and get a “normal” job, basically give up, then a new idea renews the creative spark and I can’t imagine doing anything else. I only hope that anyone out there reading this enjoys my work. I promise I’ll keep writing it as long as you keep reading it!! 

    1. How old were you when you first wrote your first story?

I got a late start. When I was young I didn’t have the patience or focus to be able to write though I tried. I don’t count anything until around ’07 or ’08 when I was 35-ish I began writing a few stories. I didn’t get serious about it until 2012 when I decided I was either going to try to fail or create something worthwhile… I’ve been writing practically non-stop since.

2. How many books have you written?

I honestly haven’t kept count but I’d guess I’ve written at least 40 to 50 short stories, flash fiction, novellas and one novel (not yet published). My short story “Hell Awaits” was my first published story in Kill For A Copy from Dark Chapter Press. Then a flash fiction piece (1000 word story), Tamed Brute, was published in the eBook Flashes of Darkness: Halloween Special 2015 and lastly my short story, “The Bones of Baby Dolls”, was published in KIDS: Volume I from Dark Chapter Press. Most of what I’ve written are short stories and novellas but I do have my first novel written (which won the Dark Chapter Press 2016 Prize – a novel-writing contest), another novel approximately half done but another is bursting to come out so I’ll be starting on that very soon probably in the next couple of weeks. I have it plotted out as much as I ever do which isn’t much so getting it started is the next step but I have some other things to clear off my plate first.

3. Anything you won’t write about?

I don’t really find anything is off-limits depending on the setting though I can’t see myself writing about pedophilia from the predator’s point of view. My novelette Harvester of Sorrow (available FREE!) is about an abused altar boy getting his brutal revenge and the first short story, The Demon’s Name Is Surveillance, I ever posted on my website is about a child molester/murder being punished in hell but neither glorifies the molester, quite the opposite. That’s one of the things I love about horror is that there are no real taboos. My job as a horror writer is to take a reader where he/she wouldn’t go otherwise but for me there are shoes I don’t want to walk the proverbial mile in. When I write a character I am that character experiencing what they experience so rape and molestation are things I stay away from for the most part but again it all depends on context.

4. Tell me about you. Age (if you don’t mind answering), married, kids, do you have another job etc...

To me age is just a number, I’m 44 but it’s only what you make of it. I really don’t think of it much unless it’s my birthday. I’m single now and in kind of “it’s complicated” relationship. I have a 22-year-old son who most mistake for my little brother when we’re out together. I did a fine job of turning him into a comic, horror and metal lover who also dabbles in some writing and music so I hope he finds his own success with his art. Creating has become the all-consuming beast in my life whether I’m writing or creating art. I started my website in 2014 (originally with a partner) to have an outlet for my writing which was getting rejected all over the place then it blossomed to also doing movie reviews and metal album reviews as well as some other fun stuff. I’ve slowed it down this year to concentrate more on my writing career.

5. What’s your favorite book you have written?

I’m all about whatever I’m working on currently. I like to think I improve with each new story though admittedly some can be duds, it happens. Ironically I’m currently re-editing the first real story I wrote back in 2012 which ended up as a novella at just under novel length with about 35k words. I had proofed and edited this story a couple of times but it’s amazing how much I’ve learned about writing and editing since then making for a much slower process than I originally anticipated. With any luck folks will get to read it soon though I can’t reveal the title because I plan on changing it but the working title is “Impending Doom.” It’s about a banker who wakes to his worst nightmare which only gets worse as it goes along with a few twists along the way. It might be important to note that I worked in the financial sector for about 15 years so the inspiration is a little obvious perhaps.

6. Who or what inspired you to write?

I could give you a laundry list of writers I admire but they weren’t the spark that got me in front of the keyboard. I was an avid reader for years devouring books but often finishing a book thinking “I could do better than that” and after a long run of books I read that I literally hated the ending of I decided it was time to put up or shut up. It took me about a week of thinking what I wanted to do then I sat down and began. I haven’t looked back since. So to answer the question, what inspired me to write were bad, uninspired and predictable stories. I didn’t start writing with delusions of grandeur but rather just to see if I could. People seem to like it so I think I’ll keep at it.

7. What do you like to do for fun?

Drink beer, watch hockey or UFC and eat chicken wings – real wings can only be found in Western New York! I also love watching movies especially horror obviously. Also if you can keep a secret *peeks around to make sure no one’s eavesdropping* when I’m completely alone I like to crank up some metal, head bang and sing along (generally poorly). Shhh, that’ll be our little secret.

8. Any traditions you do when you finish a book?

I do but nothing anyone would probably even notice. I almost always finish with a flurry generally after an extraordinarily long writing session. I get excited when the end is within sight so 12-24 hour writing sessions are pretty much the norm when I’m near the end. Once I finish I lean back put my hands behind my head and try to take a deep breath, kind of basking in the accomplishment. In a sense patting myself on the back then I usually crawl into bed and pass out from exhaustion. Not much of a tradition but a tradition nonetheless.

9. Where do you write? Quite or music?

I write almost exclusively at my desk but occasionally I’ll sit in my TV chair which is more comfortable if I’m going to be writing for several hours. As for music, well, I couldn’t write without it. I have different playlists depending on what I’m writing but generally I listen to doom metal almost exclusively. Doom is very powerful, emotional music which helps put my mind in the right space to write. If I’m writing some action I might play some Slayer or something fast but it’s usually brief. A couple of albums I always listen to for a story of any real length are Kongh – Sole Creation, Pallbearer – Sorrow & Extinction and my personal favorite YOB’s Clearing The Path To Ascend. Music has gotten me through the worst times in my life so every tale I write shares a title with the music that inspired the idea. It’s my way of paying respect to something that has given me so much through my life. The only rule I have in that regard is that my story and the song must have different subject matter which is generally not any problem.

10. Anything you would change about your writing?

I don’t think I’d necessarily change anything but I do strive to take what I’ve learned to make the next one better. I make fewer typo mistakes than when I started which makes proofreading quicker and I’ve edited enough of my own work and others to recognize subtle errors I used to miss like redundancy. The only major thing I’d like to add, not necessarily change, is more complexity. I believe in working your way up to things and what I’m building toward is an epic trilogy that’s been rolling around in my head for years. I don’t think I’m a good enough writer to pull it off yet but I’m getting there.

11. What is your dream? Famous writer?

I have no dreams about being rich and famous, if it happens it isn’t something I have much control over. My dreams are far more humble. I’d like a nice comfortable life that I can enjoy. No longer worrying about where I’ll live tomorrow or what I might have to eat. I’m a simple man with no extravagant taste. A small house with a small yard, a couple of dogs & cats and Satan willing even a good woman by my side. That’s all I really want, a nice quiet life and to continue writing until the day I die.

12. Where do you live?

Right now I live in the middle of nowhere in the country about one hour south of Buffalo, NY just above the Pennsylvania state line. It’s nice and quiet here but who knows where I’ll be tomorrow.

13. Pets?

Currently I’ve been adopted by a 13-year-old cat named Corky though he responds better to Boobers, don’t ask me why bc I don’t know. He enjoys disrupting my writing process by trying to lay on my lap while I sit at my desk that’s when he isn’t outside trying (but failing) to catch chipmunks.

14. What’s your favorite thing about writing?

The rush I get when I get a killer idea or when I’m on a roll and my fingers can’t keep up with the story. Athletes call it being “in the zone” but for a writer it’s when you breeze through a few thousand words in just an hour or two. I’ve spent days “in the zone” and I’ve spent weeks or even months waiting to be. Much like a surfer you just have to ride the wave as far as it’ll take you then paddle your ass off to catch the next one.

15. What is coming next for you?

I really wish I knew but I do have tons I’m waiting for an answer on. First off, I’m one of 14 finalists competing in “The Next Great Horror Writer Contest” through HorrorAddicts. The grand prize is a book contract with Crystal Lake Publishing! The contest involves numerous writing challenges until the winner is announced in October. You can keep up with my progress simply by listening to their podcast. Then my (not so) short story “Cold Heart, Cold Soul” has been accepted by Stitched Smile Publications for a Seven Deadly Sins anthology with a tentative release set for late this year, sometime between October and December if all goes well. Stitched Smile also posted a short story I wrote for fun, Smoke & Stone, just a few days ago if you want to read the last thing I wrote. It was completely written in one day so don’t judge it too harshly. Aside from that I currently have six short stories and novellas pending approval with various publishers. My goal for this year was to submit, submit and submit some more so to that end I have a list of over a dozen anthos I plan on submitting work for as well as the novella I’m re-editing currently and the novel itching to get out of my head. It should be an exciting year for me so all I can really say is “like” my Facebook page where I post updates as I receive them. I should hear about some soon but you never really know in this business. All I can guarantee is that I’ll be pumping out the horror this year including some fun ones like a Mrs. Claus anthology! I’ll be posting updates as often as possible on my website, Thy Demons Be Scribblin, where you can also find a ton of short stories I’ve posted over the last couple of years.

  Feind on the web:

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B01AH12BVM?ref_=pe_584750_33951330 Website: http://www.thydemonsbescribblin.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FeindGotteshorrorwriter/ Twitter: @FiendGottes Tumblr: Feind Gottes

  Some of Brian Minekime’s books:

  Getting personal with Brian Minekime My next victim is Brian Minekime. He is a great guy and really is passionate about his writing, art and life in general.

[frecklesandpie-blog]

12.29.16-1.10.17

12.29.16 I just hung out with Kiki again. It wasn't a fantastic hang out. It's like we are running out of topics to talk about. Also there were like two or three times where I didn't know what she was talking about. I think i really need to get out there and hang out and expose myself to new things. That's what friendships are meant to be. Not just two people sharing what they already know in their mind. It's also growing and sharing that. I'm going to do that. I can't help but have thoughts of how she thinks I'm boring or inadequate or awkward. Which means even more that I need to expose myself.

12.31 I woke up feeling a lot of anxiety today. It wasn't great. My stomach was feeling queasy too. I was going to go to a new year dinner for the meetup but I don't feel like it as of now. What I do want to do is be at home and do clinical stuff. Tho I have been wanting to do that stuff it feels like I did most of it. I did do a big portion but I think the fact I have to face is that reading and reading only isn't going to get me as far as I want clinically at the speed I want. What I really need is to reread what I already know before I put it into practice each time. Because i look at the excel that I compiled and what I compiled is indeed enough to do reasonably okay clinically . If I mastered it I would be good enough for where I need to be.

1.3.17 Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Today is January 3 and I'm absolutely not ready for this. Not ready at all. I'm going back to internship and class. :(((( It was so relaxing  . I was able to do so much without worrying about school and without being stressed from internship. Sigh. Sigh . Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. There isn't enough sighs in the world for this. Okay in totally exaggerating. But I know that when I go back I'm going to be so pooped. Worst case scenario it'll be like before where I finish each session with out completing the note.and then each day I will have like 7 noted to do at the end of the day... Hahaha hahaha that's absolutely horrendous. I need to work on establishing boundaries and the so called supervisor Tory is not going to help me so I need to help myself. I think I'm having a hard time establishing boundaries because 1 . When I sit in session with then i feel like a god and a healer and an angel and letting go of that feeling sucks 2. I am afraid they will be upset if I end it . Will they? They will but that's what I need to keep my sanity and to give quality counseling. They also won't and it's also partially a projection of me onto them. 3. I really want them to like me. I really want people to like me bc in my life not many do. Which means I need to work on that and will work on that. 4. I am addicted to hearing such intimate things because it makes me feel important and I don't hear many of those intimate things in my life.   Those are my countertransferences which will take as much time as I acted on them to work on as it may to take it away and act otherwise. I really do need to work on those things.i really do need to be a better clinician. I envision a life where I work on all the things I want to work on and it feels amazing. What new years resolution do you want to work on this year? My idealistic self has so many things I want to work on. 1. Pray, Bible daily 2. Religious book regularly 3. Exercise regularly 4. Friends/making friends regularly 5. Pursue my clinical interests regularly. Independent of Tory. Without blaming her or anyone or anything including my business and schedule for my slowed or minimal development. 6. Take nubs out regularly 7. Family regularly. Mom and dad.

I'm also curious about yoga and meditation but I won't make that a goal. Bc I already have enough. So yeah. That's all my goals. It feels like a lot and it is a lot . It is. A part of me right now wants to declutter the room so there's less to worry about. And so I feel more sane.

I would not have been able to write this for the past few days. It just feels like he's also here. And that thought is very distracting in my mind. For some reason. I don't know how I'm going to do this with him here all the time.i suppose it's either learning to change that thought in my mind or having that problem fixed when I move. So what do I want to do today? Today is not my last free day bc I will have Tuesdays off. But I suppose it also is my last free day bc all the following Tuesdays for this semester will include homework. What I wanted to do was to review my intervention book, and compile the child and adolescent book. Now that I'm writing this I also want to make a list of things I want to do to develop clinically. I suppose I did already get a lot of what I wanted to do done tho. Yup . I just don't really feel like doing those things. What I do feel like doing is cleaning up and decluttering.

1.4 So I purchased some storage cubes and a shelf. The illusion right now is that it will make everything look better. And indeed it will, but just not without me putting stuff away on a daily basis. I'm still excited for it tho. It feels nice going to work. There's peace in my mind. I'm not like rushing everywhere. Ahh what a nice moment. I wish I could do this regularly. The truth is that the stress and urgency of things. Quote urgency. Will probably get and I will have to put time and effort into somehow decreasing that sense of urgency. It will be difficult given that I have never deliberated worked on that in my life. Waking up wasn't too bad this morning either. I felt quite awake. It'd be nice if some mornings was like this.  I'm going to be so tired by tonight. I have class til 9 so when I get home I'm just going to pet nudges. Do nubs humidifier and maybe take him out for 15 min . And then pick my clothes for tomorrow. Maybe one other thing but I'm not sure.

Ah. I just left class. It's like 10 already and I still want to pet nudge and take nubs outs. I'm not too excited about romoww. It's going to be an extremely long day. Like extremely long and I really need to take breaks, pee, snack, and cut sessions short. I do. How was class? Umm it was better after i started talking to people. Before that it was some social anxiety and stigma of being viewed as a stereotypical quiet Asian. And also being self conscious about what I wore. I seems to feeld defensive and just keep looking for people to blame about them being problematic, judgmental whatever and then just me judging people too. Next week though I'm going to sit next to the quiet ish but not really white girl. I seem to be making white friends consistently . For no reason? Nah probably reasons I just don't know or want to think about it  .

1.5 Well today is another day of internship. I really want to not feel completely stressed out. But I have a hard time shortening sessions. What are the reasons again? I feel connected in a session. I feel I have a relationship with these people and it's very addicting. Addicting because I don't have many if any of those relationships in my life  . I feel I don't have many of those relationships in my life and I also feel bad for ending it early. I feel like I keep talking and taking from the client by typing and documenting. And then not  necessarily listening to her.  I think that's the key. That I feel like i keep taking and taking. Like a leech and for once I don't have to do that and I can give and give and I really want that. Well how much do you want to structure it? If I structure it  , I have time to think about my client. For at least three minutes. I have time to send my note when the session is done so I don't have to think about it afterwards. I have time to go pee and drink water and fill my tea with being a a few m8nutes late which is okay. And I feel probably 60% at least more satisfaction from internship. I think it's worth trying that for a day. Just a day.  It will be extremely tough to grt over my urge to feel good about myself though. I think I'm going to do this. With adults. I'll spend the first 5 minutes charting. Then we talk and then i spend the last five minutes charting again. I can note during the session what topics and interventions were used . Let me make sure I get that down. That's important. And with children I'll end it earlier. At 40 min.

So it's the end of the day. I feel pretty good about today. I made sure to eat, pee, drink. I knocked out my whole to do list. Of course thats not all my efforts. I only had two patients today haha. But for the two patients I was able to end on time. And I completed my note within a few minutes of ending the hour. How did it feel to interrupt them? I think next time I'll let them know that for the first five and last five I'll be charting. And let them know in advance. Just to make sure I note down all the important things they say. My patients didn't feel disengaged. But of course then acknowledging to themselves that I am not paying attention to them during those times is normal. I just feel so physically hyped up still because  my body has felt this way during this time and day since September. It'll get some getting used to. I may also be a little nervous because I see Paul tomorrow. I haven't seen him in like a month . I think I feel nervous BC I'm going to possibly have to provide an update about the family thing. Maybe not  maybe I'll talk mostly about social anxiety in class. And the urge to find someone to blame. Find someone as an excuse. Pattern of feel like I wanna prove to old people that I am a different person. Pattern of feeling like I want to blame something and then check out so I don't have to out myself at risk of criticism. Criticizing before I get criticized.

1.10 Hi dear how are you feeling? I'm feeling okay. I guess I'm not really used to not worrying about things when it's not time to do it because this morning so far I've just been feeling the tendency to worry and feeling the tendency to feel as if the world is going to fall or as if I'm going to get in clean big trouble if I don't do XYZ reality it is all about I mean I guess I don't really have not much to do. I just have to finish that 5 page 4 page on genogram paper and then I have to do the other paper, that's it. That's kind of the same amount of work that I have during a regular semester. I've been thinking a lot about job-seeking, and I think about working at The Institute U-Haul, and it's just impossible for me to imagine that, knowing that I would know how to do case management stuff, in addition to therapy, and see my clients for 30 minutes, and I won't have time to take my notes. And I don't think Tori is as amazing as people make sugar cookies, it may be that my feelings towards her at this point are dictating those thoughts, but it just feels like Kama you know what it's cycle dynamic that's the thing, I really enjoy psychodynamic, and the work that's being done right now is very concrete and very solution-focused, and I think anybody that's not a therapist can easily or with some difficulty doing that. So I'm just really hoping that there are other jobs that are okay paying at least because the ones that I found art will pain so far that really gets me where I don't want to be stuck at the institute for three years. 3 years.. A lot of time, and you know already that I hate feeling stuck in places I'm feeling stuck and things and maybe even relationships sometimes. Anyway I've also been feeling the urge to worry about today. To worry about me hanging with Kristi, to worry about seeing the eye doctor,and to worry about the meditation thing tonight. I think I will see if my farts go away and if they do I will go. Even if they go away though if I were to be very honest i dont want to go because it's so late at night. I'll end up going home late. Which is something that I hate to hate because that's something that's been internalized in me by her and I hate that internalization. I feel that that internalization prevents me from developing socially a lot. And if I think about it it's true. I don't go to a lot of meet ups because I think they're too "late". Okay let me think what the problem is. I get hungry, and then I hear her voice in my head saying it's cold and it's late. And then I genuinely feel that and I feel distressed. And then when I talk on the phone with her and she tells me those things I hate it  because those are the things I internalized. And also I hate it that she goes why did you go home so late it's dangerous out. And I am unhappy because I went home late bc of work and not because I went to socialize bc at least if I told her that I could spite her. You know what it makes me want to go out late more. I want to get use to it I want to feel peace in my mind when I go out late. I want to live that half kf my life. Yesterday I came home late and she pissed me off. I spited her by telling her that I was going to see friend and she pretended to be like what? Boyfriend? And j want to say why is that your business. Why does it matter to you if it's friend or boyfriend?also that matter is that I'm meeting your needs. Now stop fucking controlling me. I m going to express next time. Not like that of course. I. Going to say so what if it's friend? So what if it's boyfriend? Why do you need to know? I'm going with a person and I will not elaborate more. Actually that is what I will do. I will not elaborate further any longer. I will not . And I think I'm going to go tonight.if I don't go I will be reacting to my own fears and anxieties, not acting. And I don't want to keep reacting. I want to act. I just saw Kristi for coffee. It's so sad that I find someone I feel is not threatening and I am quite fond of but they happen to be moving back to California . Great  . But it's okay I will look back in the future and see that they were one of the first people I was able to befriend. I will.

[survivor-marianas-trench]

“How Am I Supposed To Sit On My Fat *ss And Do Nothing If There’s No Tribal Immunity?” - EPISODE 1

i wont say names bc if these get released at the end i know the psycho wont leave me alone but theres a certain someone that never leaves another certain someone alone and theyre actually so annoying and they look like a balding foot and if i have to be in the same tribe with them i will definitely end up fighting them

so...cole walking on day 1? because he didn't want to be in a game with Julia wow. I am shook to the core. 

1st off why are there 30 people here! 2nd off why are we all in a chat together! And 3rdly at least someone already took themselves out of the game. I didn't get last!!! I know setting the bar high. I'm very excited to play everyone is super nice and also I think my tribe is great. I got Sam and Liana on my tribe whom I played with during Atlantis. Sam and I were in an alliance but obviously it wasn't super tight...since I voted her off. But I love her dearly and hope we can work together again. Also excited for Liana because I always remember that she was good in challenges and she has already told me she won't want to throw any challenges this time. Haha. I already appreciate her so much. She is so sweet! Carson k is also on my tribe. Carson k is also a sweetheart and I'm sad that I didn't trust him much during Malibu and I hope that it can change here. Hopefully there is a survivor trivia challenge because he is so good with survivor trivia. Everyone else on the tribe seems really cool too as we aren't involved in the drama of the one world chat. Haha we have all of our members still and we are ready to win some challenges! #YouWishYouWereATasi also. Kait is here!!!! Omggggg I'm not ready. She messaged me last night and I was like oh god how do I talk to kait????? Like ugh ahhhh scared. No. Nothing against kait she just scares me! And I feel like she can tell....*gulp* but billy is also here and I love billy too. And Luke!!! Honestly so many amazing people who hopefully won't vote me off. Everyone in the community has been so supportive of me and has really helped relive some of the anxiety I've been having. But queen kait is here so I don't know how long it will last. 

what the fuck am i doing i don't even know if im making a confessional for the right game....like i'm in a 3 survivor games and  a big brother game and i've never wanted to kill myself more i was talkin with kait and i was like "omg i love karen!!" and KAREN ISN'T EVEN ON OUR FUCKING TRIBE. SHE'S DEADASS IN ANOTHER GAME. omg and this ninjohn bitch cracks me tf up so yeah thats about all i've done bye

tbh! what is going on in this game!!! The only people that I know and want to work with are Sam G, Dan, Amanda, Billy and Christine tbqh! I don't know anybody on my tribe except Billy so we're gonna be a cute duo. I think the twist is kind of fun, it's gonna make people need to be on their toes 24/7 and not get too comfortable hiding behind tribal wins because they just don't exist. Uh first boot from my tribe? Idk,...maybe me> maybe chrisssa? who knows!

On 3/6/17, at 9:54 PM, veronica [ hoenn host ] wrote: > how am i supposed to sit on my fat ass and do nothing like nicholas did if theres no tribe immunity >.> but also i really like the cast in this game and i know its gonna be lit this is like one of my fave survivors already and im in like 4 rn

set my soul on fire pls

YES MA'AM! This is Kelsey Mikaelson, representing BBCAN and Vampire Diaries, checking into Mariana Trench Survivor, is you good? Is you happy? Because I's wants to know, ok. Entering this competition was a quick shock. The tribe I was on is very friendly and we all got along quick and I'm living, I seem to get along well. Obviously, I'm the loud one, but I think that overall, I'm not too much which is good! You know what is too much though? Literally both other tribes OTHER than Tasi. Seeing how crazy they are during the One World makes us seem a lot more mellow which makes me seem a lot more quiet which is absolutely a great factor for my game.  Anyways, next twist: triple elimination each week. Girl...I came here for a fresh new game that would be welcoming to newbies. This is literally death. I'm literally dead. *sigh*...Whatever. There are people in my tribe I've clicked with early on. Carson, Liana, Sam, Shea and Seamus have all been rather nice to me. However, one person that I have definitely gotten along with thus far is Lilly. She's so explosive and she's also so logical in everything she tells me, she's a great counterpart to me in this competition. I would say I trust Lilly the most, yes, I would. And going into this first tribal, I'm interested to see how our relationship will translate into gameplay. Hopefully, in a positive way~! Now to the challenge...I want to remain a team player, an innocent virgin, an airhead with  nothing but loyalty with everyone. I don't want to manipulate, I want to slay. So, I'm going to put a rather safe score for myself. As long as I'm not on the bottom end of the powers, I'm fine. I just hope that this first tribal doesn't eat me alive...against my gut instinct, I'm not bringing strategy up for these first days. I just hope that people actually come to me like I'm expecting...otherwise, I gotta start making them moves, mama! Wish me the best of luck! From Canada with Love, -The ORIGINAL...Kelsey Mikaelson, muah!

I'm so nervous. I feel like knowing that you're going to tribal no matter what makes this all more nerve wracking. I'm trying to feel out who people want to go and what they want to do without making anyone feel like I'm jumping the gun or being too forward. Plus I think Darian is probably gunning for me, since I know he doesn't like me. I really don't wanna be first to go, but I feel like it's too risky to just immediately go after him. I'm hoping someone is inactive or will give us a reason to vote them out so that this first one is an easy one. 

http://youtu.be/PTJUoasIy_Y

...moments later

If i learned anything from Rakiura, it's that I need to make a list or something of peoples' point values and possible advantages since people will forget about them come merge and then the person with all the advantages will win the season. :)

I'll call them out!

https://youtu.be/gK_YU4BaKyc

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN MY TRIBE 

So like this is a weird position to be in. I like everyone on my tribe????? Like how the fuck am I supposed to vote one of these hoes out when I like them? I'm clearly the prettiest, but like I love them all. This is a tragedy because if it was a normal damn game, I would be able to slay with my tribe. My plan so far is to just be super social and find the majority. I don't know how to play one world because usually the world revolves around me so. 

So this season hasn't been that exciting at all so far for our tribe due to Cole's, not surprising, quit. I want to try harder than the last few skype/Tumblr games I've played since I definitely was inactive in the last few. I'm trying to socialize and need to expand my social surroundings since I haven't approached many yet. I have been talking to Luke however but he's terrible at responding. I don't mind if you're busy and can't respond quickly but when you message in the main chat and have the online symbol by your name you might want to respond back to a tribemate. That doesn't bode well for track records. 

Things are weird. What do I do. Who do I talk to. Where am I. Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest I just tribes are weird. We aren't even really a tribe. I know we will have to just keep voting people off of our tribe. So what do we do? I have no leads. Except I kinda want a girls alliance so I would prefer a guy out this week just to play it safe. I feel like I could talk to Liana and Sam about this but also nervous. Idk. I'll do something soon but this is a lot to process. I also hope that not too many voting things will affect tribal. I'm not ready for it. That is all. Good day. 

Hello!!! Alright so this first week has just been....a mess. Like, y'all really put me in a group with 30 people...with one world in play...I'm gonna go insane. Although it's not entirely a bad thing. I have my Queens Kait and Jenn to keep me sane. I had Cole......for like 2 hours until he left WHICH I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT. I love him so much it's not even funny. Anyways for the people on my tribe, I absolutely adore Dan so I can definitely see us working together. Sam G. is here as well and WHEW. A Queen. I love her so much. If I had a dream alliance within this tribe it'd probably be Dan, Sam, Kelsey, Lily, Carson and myself. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Seamus or Liana and trying to start a conversation with Shea is a bit like pulling teeth so far so...yeah, that's how things are looking right about now I'm so scared for this tribal cause I don't know what to expect??? Like I probably should've just went all in for immunity but I didn't cause I didn't wanna go overboard...so much for that huh. Wish me luck for now I guess!

...30 minutes later...

I'm screaming apparently Shea's already brought my name up to people but suddenly changed it to Carson when I started talking to them??? Something smells fishy here and I'm not here for it. I've got my eye on Shea, that's for sure. In all honesty I'd rather target Shea than Carson cause Carson's actually chill while Shea's probably gonna get a little messy along the way which makes me nervous but Dan trusts him for now so I guess I just gotta go with the flow for now...

Hi Ricky! Super excited to be safe this round, just gotta sit here and look cute!

the furrys are on the prowl, yiff yiff. there are quite a few furrys in this game lmao. so basically on my tribe i really like veronica and am teaming with her. shea really likes me and veronica so we r gonna try and work with them. i think i want to vote for sam this round bc like i like everyone else and the noobs in our tribe seem kinda easy to push around so im excited!

My tribe is so BORINGGGGG tbh no one talks in the chat anyways here's an analysis i promised Ricky <3 When something more happens youll get more out of me but literally nothings going on OH I HAVE AN ALLIANCE WITH DAN AND LUKE BUT YOU BUT US ALL ON DIFFERENT TRIBES WHICH IS GROSS The end. heres my analysis of my tribe woo Andie - Love him we've been friends for a while and he wants to work together so thats cute af Daisy - Super nice we've talked quite a bit so far. I like her Darian - He seems super nice to me and we talked a bit but ive heard he's a shitshow and ive been warned so i know to tread lightly Emma - I'm not gonna like when i saw Emma was on my tribe I was about to beat someones ass because I felt like she hated my guts last time i was around her and it was a rough experience but she like came to me and apologized and shit saying she was having a rough time and idk if that was just to cover her ass for this game or what but im gonna forgive but not forget at this point...or at least until swap/merge lmao Kait - i fucking love Kait she's super straight to the point which is great when everyone else sugar coats the hell out of everything. We seem to work well in PI so here's to hoping it works out this time and we can be a dynamic duo lolol Rhea - Last Week in another game she said she didnt like playing with me and my friends...im not really with my close friends in this game so idk if itll be different but like we've played together a ton and i dont think we ever worked together. She's the nicest person in the world but we like never click together so i wouldnt be surprised if she wanted my ass gone Rob - I dont think we've talked? oops lmfao Sam R. - Hes so chill. We played Myanmar together and we worked together while also targeting eachother? it was so fucking complicated ahahaha but i love him as a person so i hope we're okay in this game??? idk yet tbh Steven - We've talked a bit in the past. He's chill but we arent super close. I dont think he'd target me though so thats a plus

Wooo! I guess taking -10,030 points was worth it! I won immunity from the raffle and I also have the 30% advantage! Couldn't be more happy about the outcome of this challenge. I honeslty don't know who to vote for and I sure as hell won't be scrambling. I know it's not me and that's all I care about 

i am gad we were safe week 1 thanks to Cole quitting again it's insane that he did that but i am glad it gave us safety this week. I hope i can stay longer because immunity wins aren't relying on everyone to win together so if i am bad they won't think i am a threat..

well! tasi WAS peaceful, until little shea decided to target me ONCE again in a game. id like to see him try, because i am NOT going premerge. and, if i have anything to say about it, his ass is GRASS!

So, everyone this tribal has said they are voting Carson, which I have no problems with. I feel like the blame is being put on me for this vote which I don't want. If people flip and I go home, so be it. 

Daisy seems to be the first target and I don't want her to leave. I'm going to see if we can get the votes back on Amanda.

.

http://prntscr.com/ehnjlj

So, tonight is making me super nervous and I don't know what to do.... I feel like this twist fucks me and that's not good. I have played sooo many PI seasons that  I feel like I am an easy target. Also this one world twist is legit making this game THAT much harder and I honestly don't like this shit. I don't know what the fuck I am going to do, and it sucks  so much. I feel like I am a mess and it sucks more so than anything. I just want to make it past this tribal, and I am not sure that I willl. 

Whew I need to write a confessional but also I'm watching Survivor! I am really nervous for this vote! Everyone has been so quiet and I haven't talked to that many people. The plan is supposed to be for Carson. Lily, Liana, Dan, Christine, and I were supposed to create an alliance but we haven't. I'm hoping we will later and no one is actually trying to vote me out. Seamus did say  'Christine or Sam' but he meant Carson? Okay sure hopefully he did! 

Sooo, this has been a wild round, and im not even gonna get into the cole thing other than to say, I'm glad you and your negative bitch ass is gone, and maybe come for me with more accurate shit next time :))). But since this "lovely" soul quit, I didn't have to go to tribal, and I also beat him AHAHAH. BUT I've been chit-chatting with Gabriel alot and I love Gabriel they are soooo chill tbh. And I also am kinda lucky since I know so many people know this season whew. Okay bye