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severus-snaps · 4 months ago

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Snape in the eyes of Pureblood Supremacists in Slytherin

Back at it again because I've had more thoughts following 'Mudblood' and Muggle-borns on Snape's youth and time in school (I started this what feels like so long ago, got overinvested, lost steam, and then just abandoned it - but might as well put it out there since I've made it Lengthy now. Welcome to part two of my half-baked metas, as it were).

A lengthy mixture of me projecting about Snape's early attitudes to blood supremacy and upbringing; the timeline of Snape's school years and the War; Snape's appearance and first impressions to his housemates (and others); Slytherin 'friendships' through the lens of what we see in the books from Harry's generation, and Snape's alluded-to 'friendships' with Lucius and the 'gang of Slytherins'; and the role of blood purity in Slytherin.

In A War Context

Going back in time for a moment, starting from the fateful night where the series begins:

31 October, 1981 Voldemort is vanquished. This is the same night that one-year-old Harry was sent to live with the Dursleys. We also see Snape crying in Dumbledore's office that night, in Snape's memories.

September 1981 Snape started teaching probably a month before that, age 21 (14 years prior to Umbridge's inquiries in the starting term of 1995).

Late Autumn/Winter 1980 (to early winter 1981) Snape turned spy when Voldemort decided the Prophecy applied to the Potter family. Scene on the 'windy hilltop' probably followed ver shortly after Snape finding out.

31 July 1980 Harry is born.

Autumn/Winter 1979 Snape overhears part of the prophecy and relays it to Voldemort.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..."

[Note: I've made some assumptions. Trelawney tells Umbridge in September 1995 that she started work at Hogwarts "nearly sixteen years" ago. Hogwarts traditionally follows a British school calendar, with terms starting in September (autumn term) and January (spring term). Assuming she starts in time for a new term, if she started in the autumn (September 1979), and assuming the interview was some time before her appointment in time for a new term, her interview might have taken place in the summer of 1979, around June, July, or August - but she probably would've just said "sixteen years" instead of "nearly", so... If she started in the spring term (January 1980): Her interview could have been held in late 1979, possibly around November or December 1979, assuming that the intervew was held a short but reasonable amount of time before she took the role, and perhaps during the holidays. Seeing as JKR likes Halloween (aka All Hallows' Evening) as a date, she may well have delivered the prophecy on Halloween - and possibly the literal moment Harry was conceived. What a thought.]

However, I'm just as bad (if not worse) as JKR with numbers and dates, so please do correct me if this is total nonsense.

31 October 1979 Harry is possibly conceived, assuming a perfect 9 month pregnancy.

1979 Regulus Black dies. There's a flimsy bit of evidence to suggest Snape was Marked/started working for Voldemort in summer 1979 (imagine if it was Harry's future birthday lol) but really it could've been author error, putting Snape's joining the DEs (to my mind) any time from the aftermath of SWM onwards - but what use would Voldemort have for Snape when he's in school for another few years under Dumbledore's watchful eye, and has no money, information, or connections yet? (Unlike Regulus, who had a well-known, affluent Pureblood family, and the ability to use magic/research the Dark Arts at home as well as at school - this is, of course, assuming that Snape can't use magic freely at home because his father doesn't like magic or anything, much).

June 1978 Snape graduates from & leaves Hogwarts. "By the time [the Marauders] left school, Lord Voldemort’s ascendancy was almost complete. True resistance to him was concentrated in the underground organisation called the Order of the Phoenix..." [X]

1977/1978 Regulus Black joins the Death Eaters.

June 1976 "Snape's Worst Memory". Snape & Lily's friendship ends. Fear of Voldemort is already so ingrained that people won't use his name; Lily calls him "You-Know-Who". His followers are also widely known to be called "Death Eaters" by this time.

Early 1976 (approx.) The Prank. Shortly after, Lily 'accuses' Snape of hanging out with Mulciber and Avery. [Neither of these friends - nor any members of the 'gang' Sirius mentioned Snape belonging to - seem to want to hang out after exams or protect him from being hunted for sport during SWM (June 1976; during OWLS), nor are they ever mentioned to retaliate by a Marauder, so perhaps that 'gang' membership came later (c. 1978 in Snape's 7th year). Alternatively they were all already friends, but I'll go into more depth into the flimsiness of Slytherin friendships later. Just from info from the book text, it would be reasonable to assume the 'gang' attended school all at the same time - but Bellatrix was mentioned among them, by her married surname, and her generally given date of birth from wherever that sort of information comes from (seriously, I can't find a source that isn't the wiki) suggests that that she'd be too old to attend school with Snape - so who knows where Sirius got that from. There's also the fact that Sirius introduces Bellatrix as a Lestrange in the 'gang' context and not a Black, which suggests that she's already left school and married at a young age by the time Snape is in the gang. 'Early' marriage is normal for wizarding society after all - or perhaps it simply means that Sirius didn't want to associate her with his surname.]

Autumn 1975 - Summer 1976 Marauders 'finally managed' their Animagus transformations in their fifth year. [This had certainly happened by Summer 1976/SWM, as they had their nicknames by then, derived from their Animagi forms and Sirius wants it to be a full moon so they can run around.

As for whether the Marauders managed their transformations prior to the Prank, I've seen arguments saying that it is likely to have happened prior to the Prank, otherwise Sirius wouldn't know about the knot or how to slip past the Willow, and that Snape was "trying to find out what we were up to" which implies they were collectively up to something like becoming Animagi or running around, and in Snape's memories he says "they" sneak out at night, not just that there's something weird about Lupin.

On the flip side, perhaps it isn't likely they were Animagi by the Prank - otherwise it wouldn't have been a risk to James' life, since he could transform and be safe. (Of course, maybe James also couldn't transform in front of Snape without getting outed to Dumbledore and potentially getting all of them arrested and expelled or whatever, so it was a risk either way).]

Summer 1972 (approx) Lucius graduates. In the year(s) prior to this, Snape has presumably built some sort of friendship with him (enough for Snape to be considered Lucius' "lapdog"), which I'll go into later. If Lucius was a Prefect when Snape started, he'd have graduated from Hogwarts around the year of 1972/1973, after Snape's second year. Within seven years, by 1980, he was high-ranking and trusted enough by Voldemort to keep the diary Horcrux - (to open the Chamber, which, I assume, would destabilise the school to the extent that if Voldemort hadn't died, he'd have used it to take the school in the first war).

September 1971 Snape and Lily started at Hogwarts, aged 11. Lucius welcomes Snape to Slytherin. Voldemort "started looking for followers" around this time, and became more public in his agenda; at the time of Voldemort's death, the wizarding world had had "precious little to celebrate" for the past 11 years - and Voldemort had spent a few years even before that skulking about in the shadows, probably recruiting dark creatures and engaging in dark magic.

So, onto the show.

Pre-Hogwarts

Aged 11 (and probably for some time before that) Snape excitedly and somewhat naively hopes that he and Muggle-born Lily will be in Slytherin together. We can only speculate why Snape wants to be in Slytherin - perhaps because his mother was, since it tends to run in families. Maybe he's read somewhere that Merlin was a Slytherin and he has ambitions to be the next most powerful wizard of a generation (certainly seems to fit the Dark Arts interest, his experimenting, his disdain for reciting answers straight from the books, and his knowledge of curses/magic and wizarding society even before he attends Hogwarts). Maybe in line with that he's read about the Houses and thinks of himself and/or Lily as cunning and ambitious (he certainly thinks of them as "brainy", though he still didn't want to be in Ravenclaw, for example). Maybe it's mostly about 'rising' from his current situation, and he values the ambition to get there. In short, we have no idea what drew him to that House - but I doubt it's some desire at the age of nine to join a pureblood supremacist cult or to celebrate blood purity.

Snape's pause is often used by antis as a sort of gotcha for Snape already harbours blood supremacist views (as much as a child can 'harbour' anything; nature and nurture and all that. He'd have to have been taught). He's then spent two years getting to know Lily, seeing her (advanced) control of wandless magic and possibly training his own, and she's his only friend. He knows how talented she is; he can tell that being Muggle-born has no bearing on skill ("You have loads of magic"), and also likely knows from himself that being part-Muggle also does not influence skills. To my mind, Snape's hesitation when Lily asks if it makes a difference being Muggle-born suggests he might be aware of supremacist attitudes, but not necessarily that he believes them. I can believe that he'd dislike Muggles, but I doubt somehow that nine-year-old Snape, raised in a Muggle town, and his best friend the Muggle-born would've had too deep an understanding of the true extent of blood supremacy and how it could affect them, otherwise he probably wouldn't be suggesting she join Slytherin. Lily may be Muggle-born, but he's (at least) half Muggle himself, lives in the same place, isolated from wizarding society in almost the same way that most wizards are from Muggle society. As Draco might say, he's "never been brought up to know our ways."

But then, something is also going on with Eileen, which is why a witch is stuck in a less-than-stellar marriage with a Muggle who doesn't like magic, and living in poverty or distress severe enough to neglect her child - so Snape might know from being on the end of discriminatory attitudes himself, rather than simply holding them. Perhaps he'd seen his mother shunned as a blood traitor (after all, he's wearing his mother's clothes - where are the rest of the family? aunts/uncles/cousins? family friends?).

Eileen might be half-blood or Muggleborn herself, which is how she came to marry a Muggle. What we do know is that a pureblood supremacist witch would outright reject associating with Muggles or even visiting an area where Muggles frequented, much less forming a relationship, marrying, having a child, and living with one (Bellatrix even thinks that she and Narcissa must be the 'first of their kind' to visit Spinner's End). Maybe Eileen was from a dying-out Pureblood family like the Gaunts, viewing a Muggle man as an escape from something worse only for it to not work out... but even then, she'd still have liked a Muggle enough to abandon her family for one, which is more tolerance than you'd get from Bellatrix, for example. And even tolerant Purebloods don't really mix with Muggles; they just don't have enough shared understanding, and don't seem to know how the world would function without magic.

I'm personally very fond of the idea that Eileen might herself have been half-blood or Muggle-born - Hermione finds the name 'Prince' difficult to find in the school records, and they're obviously not a well-known family since Lupin says "there are no wizarding princes" - and he might have remembered if they were a family on a level with, say, the Malfoys, at any point in recent memory, and it seems unlike Hermione to not remember a name as easily memorable as Prince if she'd read about it somewhere. There's a whole host of options that perhaps Eileen's ancestors kept producing daughters and so the male name/line went extinct (as discussed with relation to the Peverells in the later books), but to me, 'first generation' (half and half) half-bloods, and Muggleborns, are the most likely to associate with Muggles in the first place - since wizarding society (with a few notable exceptions) tends exist fairly isolated from Muggles. Even Tonks - daughter of a Muggleborn man - seems to treat Muggles like some distant and foreign concept:

“Very clean, aren’t they, these Muggles?” said the witch called Tonks, who was looking around the kitchen with great interest. “My dad’s Muggle-born and he’s a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just like with wizards?”

Overall, Pureblood/Wizarding supremacist attitudes are commonplace in wizarding society, and take many, many forms - from a total lack of knowledge, to fascination, to disinterest and low-key derision of Muggles; from Slughorn's amused and impressed response to Hermione being skilled for a Muggle-born to Draco's frequent slurs; and Grindelwald/Voldemort's whole 'subjugate them all' deal to Harry's "they're just people, I guess??".

Snape could have been anywhere on that spectrum. In short, neither Snape, nor the wizarding world at large, know how much of a difference being Muggle-born was about to make.

First Impressions

This section is largely speculative, so be warned. I like to think it adds context.

When we're first introduced to Snape, and as his story unfolds, we get rather frequent descriptors of his appearance - more frequent than most characters.

The first description of Snape is "a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin". But the younger Snape had a "stringy, pallid look", being "round-shouldered yet angular" and with a "twitchy walk that recalled a spider", as well as "long oily hair that jumped about his face". Snape, when not in his robes, wears "clothes were so mismatched that it looked deliberate: too short jeans, a shabby, overlarge coat that might have belonged to a grown man, an odd smocklike shirt" that might have been his "mother's blouse". At various points, we're told over and over that he has "yellow teeth", an "overlarge nose", and "greasy" hair. As a kid, Sirius describes him as "slimy, oily, [and] greasy-haired". On the Marauders map, "Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball"; an ugly git; and an idiot; and even on the train during their first meeting, James decided that Sirius was "alright" for a potential Slytherin but Snape wasn't, and that Snape was neither brawny nor brainy.

In terms of Snape's experience at school, he was already in for a tough time for the crime of looking a bit weird. But more than that, Muggles and Muggle-borns are clearly and repeatedly described by Pureblood supremacists as common, filthy, dirty, disgusting, and foul - which is just how people might see Snape.

Gaunt describes Merope as a "dirty Squib", "disgusting little Squib" and a "filthy little blood traitor" (and she's a Pureblood witch, albeit struggling with her powers); and in CoS of course Voldemort calls his father "a foul, common Muggle". We also see throughout the books "Mudblood filth", and "filthy little Mudblood" in particular reference to Muggle-borns such as Hermione and Lily (and to Bob Ogden, who is not Muggle-born). Bellatrix describes Harry as a "filthy half-blood" and when Alecto Carrow teaches Muggle Studies during the events of DH, she teaches that "Muggles are like animals, stupid and dirty".

Obviously, descriptions of Muggle-borns and Muggles aren't necessarily rooted in physical appearance - Marvolo and Morfin Gaunt are Purebloods, as are the Carrows and Crabbe and Goyle, and none of them are described as being lookers, exactly, or well-groomed. They mean it in terms of blood being dirty. But greasy and poorly cut hair, improperly fitting clothes, the difference between someone like James who was "slight, black-haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked" - all of these would be just another marker of Snape's poverty, neglect, and 'common-ness' to add to the fact that he was a Half-Blood/half a Muggle, and had a Muggle-born best friend in a House that didn't just accept or ignore these things, but actively scorned them. By comparison, privileged and powerful Purebloods like Draco, Lucius, Bellatrix, Narcissa, Sirius, and James are described (Draco as a child/young adult, the others in adulthood) as more handsome or noble-looking, or in other ways that denoted their relative attractiveness as a shorthand for 'good breeding'.

And obviusly, whilst Pureblood James & Co. would never call anyone a Mudblood:

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him. “I don’t want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. “You’re as bad as he is…” “What?” yelped James. “I’d NEVER call you a — you-know-what!”

...they would suspend a poor, ugly, slimy nobody upside-down and (threaten to, or actually) remove their underwear in front of a crowd just because "he exists" - just like the Death Eaters do to the Muggle woman, Mrs Roberts, at the Quidditch World Cup (and probably other Muggles). Voldemort calls this behaviour "a spot of Muggle-torture".

Similarly, Draco et al.'s comment on Hermione's teeth ("the long-molared Mudblood") [See here for another meta on Snape's comment on Hermione's teeth], and on Lupin's clothes, and just a general knowledge of how teenagers and people are, show that they're not above making physical taunts that could just as easily apply to a young Snape, mocking Hagrid's "d'you call this a house?", calling him an oaf; the Weasley's "hovel" of a home, and Lupin's clothes:

“Look at the state of his robes,” Malfoy would say in a loud whisper as Professor Lupin passed. “He dresses like our old house-elf.”

Snape would also, when not in robes, have been wearing the mismatched and odd clothing likely to have been mocked in the same way by a family affluent enough to own a house-elf, and god forbid anyone Snape went to school with find out that he lives in a "Muggle dunghill".

Snape was undoubtedly used to this sort of thing from his time in Cokeworth (looking at you, Petunia), which was why he changed his robes so quickly on the train. As a child and teenager, Snape’s physical appearance - marked by greasy hair, mismatched clothing, and an overall unkempt demeanour - likely exacerbated his social isolation (seen as a child lurking to make a friend) and fueled the mockery he likely endured both at home and at Hogwarts - after all, Petunia also mocked Snape's appearance, as well as the Marauders and Harry.

I think there's also a comparison here, if tenuous:

“Want one, Granger?” said Malfoy, holding out a badge to Hermione. “I’ve got loads. But don’t touch my hand, now. I’ve just washed it, you see; don’t want a Mudblood sliming it up.” “I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” said Sirius viciously. “There’ll be great grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”

More than many other characters I can think of (perhaps besides Umbridge the Toad - and Sirius' dog descriptors, owing to his Animagus form), Snape is also most often compared to, or described in a way that provokes imagery of, animals. Snape is described on more than one occasion as an 'overgrown bat'; his nose is described as a "beaklike protuberance"; and once he is described as a lapdog. He snarls perhaps more than any other single character in the series [snarl: (of an animal such as a dog) make an aggressive growl with bared teeth]; Snape yelps; he roars; he howls; he bares his teeth; and my personal favourite, when he's described as "demented, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog".

Of course, when animalistic descriptors like these are applied to people Harry likes - such as Sirius barking with laughter - they come across as more illustrative and amusing than insulting, and even where Sirius is described in a less flattering light as "very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit", Sirius is still the one with the power, a hunter, and Snape is his prey. But that's decidedly the case with Snape - such descriptors are entirely used to be insulting and invoke specific negative imagery that paints him as out of control of himself and/or needlessly melodramatic, even when he is correct (e.g. Harry did help Sirius escape; Harry and Ron did break the law in CoS; Lupin did know more about Sirius getting into the castle than he was letting on; James really was that bad).

As readers we can recognise that Snape becomes agitated and enraged when distressed, triggered, or losing control of a situation, and when he is correct but not believed or trusted - but as anyone knows in a school setting, letting people see they're getting to you just leaves you open to further ridicule. It was this very 'overreaction' that James and Sirius especially liked to get out of Snape, and Peter liked to watch, which we see in SWM.

Here is also a section which illustrates all of these things; Snape is not only animalistic here, but we are reminded that he has a large nose again, he is ugly and unpleasant, melodramatic but not to be taken seriously despite being correct, and Harry/JKR/the narrative wants us to know it:

“Potter!” Snape snarled, and he actually turned his head and stared right at the place where Harry was, as though he could suddenly see him. “That egg is Potter’s egg. That piece of parchment belongs to Potter. I have seen it before, I recognize it! Potter is here! Potter, in his Invisibility Cloak!” Snape stretched out his hands like a blind man and began to move up the stairs; Harry could have sworn his over-large nostrils were dilating, trying to sniff Harry out...

In a real and fictional world (exacerbated by a Harry-centric narrative) where physical appearance and likeability is often seen as a shorthand for worth, goodness, or social standing, Snape's perceived lack of these things, combined with his half-blood status, friendship with a Muggleborn, and general demeanour, rendered him an easy target for mockery and othering - both within his own House, and from others like the Marauders - and would only serve to strengthen the association between Snape, his Muggle heritage, and common, dirty, animalistic Muggles in the eyes of pureblood supremacists/future Death Eater Slytherins.

With friends like these...

So what would entering Slytherin look like for a young Snape? He's spent the first eleven years of his life waiting for the moment he can leave Spinner's End, escape his father, and finally go to Hogwarts. And now he's here! A far cry from the less-than-friendly welcome he received on the train from James and Sirius, where he was insulted and tripped in a classic dickhead schoolboy fashion, Snape is warmly welcomed into Slytherin:

And Severus Snape moved off to the other side of the Hall, away from Lily, to where the Slytherins were cheering him, to where Lucius Malfoy, a prefect badge gleaming upon his chest, patted Snape on the back as he sat down beside him. …

I imagine that felt amazing to a young Snape after years of a challenging home life, dreams of escape, hopes of a welcome - after his father didn't like anything, presumably including him, or magic; after Petunia mocked his clothes and he seemingly had not made any other friends beside Lily. He's finally in uniform, the same as everyone else. A fresh start. Cheers as he approached from a whole table full of people. A literal pat on the back. He must have been having the best night of his life in that moment...

But setting that aside for a moment, I'm going to take a closer look at some of the Slytherin friendships that we do see. They're hardly loyal, warm, and close like the Trio, or even arguably the Marauders; nor does being a (fellow) Pureblood, or a fellow Death Eater, necessarily even grant you respect.

We see it often with Draco's so-called "best friends" (per Hermione in CoS), Crabbe and Goyle. They're not even on a first-name basis.

More often than not, Crabbe and Goyle are positioned to follow Draco, to be a receptive audience to Draco's jokes, and to act as his "cronies" or "bodyguards" - rather than his actual friends:

“Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle,” said the pale boy carelessly (PS) “You know I haven’t, Goyle, how many times do I have to tell you?” snapped Malfoy. (CoS) Crabbe and Goyle looked at [Draco Malfoy] for instructions, thoroughly bewildered (PoA) Malfoy beckoned to Crabbe and Goyle, and the three of them disappeared (GoF) Crabbe and Goyle guffawed sycophantically (GoF) Crabbe and Goyle lumbering in [Draco's] wake (OotP) Behind [Montague] lurked Crabbe and Goyle ... Malfoy stood to one side (OotP) Draco Malfoy had slid out from behind the door, followed by Crabbe and Goyle (OotP)

They start to drift apart by HBP, after Lucius' fall from grace within the Death Eaters and the setting of Draco's task. Crabbe and Goyle aren't in on Draco's plans despite all of their parents being DEs; there's a sense of dissent; and they even start to talk back:

Crabbe and Goyle were gawping at Malfoy; apparently they had had no inkling of any plans to move on to bigger and better things (HBP) "... if you are placing your reliance in assistants like Crabbe and Goyle — ” “They’re not the only ones, I’ve got other people on my side, better people!” (HBP) Crabbe opened his mouth, but Malfoy appeared to second-guess what he was going to say. “Look, it’s none of your business what I’m doing, Crabbe, you and Goyle just do as you’re told and keep a lookout!” (HBP) [Harry] skidded to a halt and turned around. Crabbe and Goyle were standing behind him, shoulder to shoulder, wands pointing right at Harry. Through the small space between their leering faces he saw Draco Malfoy. “That’s my wand you’re holding, Potter,” said Malfoy, pointing his own through the gap between Crabbe and Goyle. (using them as human shields? - DH) “Potter came in here to get it,” said Malfoy with ill-disguised impatience at the slow-wittedness of his colleagues, “so that must mean — ” “ ‘Must mean?” Crabbe turned on Malfoy with undisguised ferocity. “Who cares what you think? I don’t take your orders no more, Draco. You an’ your dad are finished.” (despite this being one of their last encounters, Draco does appear upset by his death - DH)

[Also worth noting from the other meta I linked: "The power of the “Malfoy” name was the reason Crabbe kept Draco company. Now that that power is gone, he’s just some guy called “Draco”, so Crabbe drops him."]

And even on the train, where Harry is concealed beneath his cloak (OotP), doesn't feel especially warm, and everyone seems almost indifferent to one another (the scene is rather too long to quote here for the sake of an example, but I did stumble across this which was interesting). There's an element of tallying 'successes' or listing others' faults (such as the Weasleys being blood traitors, Harry being 'the Chosen one', Neville being... well, Neville, and whether Slughorn had gone senile). But fortunately I've also found another meta that goes into this in more detail; these people hang out together, but don't really come across as friends. Draco doesn't even tell Pansy his plans, and she's been on his arm for some time now; she seems surprised, and almost hurt, that she hasn't been told - but Draco doesn't really seem to care.

[Unrelated side note: I also think it's interesting that Zabini speaks "scathingly" about Draco's father, was invited to Slughorn's party (so has no known Death Easter connections), and is also an enthusiastic blood purist. (We also find out that his mother's seven ex-husbands died, so... maybe some of them were? Idk. It's just interesting that people would reject/be critical of DEs in that climate but still be a blood purist).]

Protected by their Pureblood status (I'll touch on that later, but have covered it in the first meta), Crabbe and Goyle cannot be targeted or treated the same way as Muggle-borns and Muggles; but that doesn't mean they get treated with respect. Draco may have liked Crabbe and Goyle, at least enough to be worried about whether or not they lived or died (although even that 'friendship'/comraderie evidently soured with the war despite being on the same side, because of Lucius' fall from grace with Voldemort) - but mostly he ordered them around. And they were content to follow, but started to dissent when Lucius (and Draco) are no longer the most powerful voices:

Who cares what you think? I don’t take your orders no more, Draco. You an’ your dad are finished.

We're also seeing these friendships under strain of a building war in which certain people are being recruited as Death Eaters where others aren't, and a majority of their parents are possibly (or certainly) already involved with Voldemort and/or his ideology; a perfectly reasonable parallel to Snape's own situation when he was in school.

But we're also often seeing these friendships not only through the lens of Harry, but in front of Harry, who acts as their sort of nemesis. It's perfectly possible that these friendships were warm and friendly and they enjoyed one another's company in the privacy of the Slytherin common room - but even in the scene in the common room (CoS), Draco does not seem to be impressed with their conversational skills, but still takes their blind acceptance of his leadership/sycophantic behaviour:

Far too late, Harry and Ron forced themselves to laugh, but Malfoy seemed satisfied; perhaps Crabbe and Goyle were always slow on the uptake.

My interpretation is that Slytherin friendships are more representative of the social circles of politicians or high society. You may be civil, friendly, and even end up real friends - but as soon as being friends with someone someone stops serving you, or damages your social standing, you’d turn on them to avoid any blowback. Friendships may exist but loyalty to a person isn't really part of it; there's an element of loyalty being to whoever has the most power in the room, be that from a combination of intellect, blood status, reputation, accomplishments, more powerful friends, or money.

Obviously, Snape is not entirely analagous to Crabbe or Goyle - being depicted as intelligent and curious and more outspoken, for starters - but also lacking those family connections, money, upbringing, or blood status. His only hopes were to build connections with more powerful people, and his intellect - especially since he's hardly described as having the size for physical intimidation or brawls. He was likely good at hexing people - I doubt he made all of those new spells just for fun - but JKR makes a point of telling us that it's James who hexes people for the fun of it, and showing us that Snape acts in retaliation ("Give me a reason").

And so Snape became, ultimately, a follower to more powerful people. We see Lucius in Snape's memories extending the metaphorical hand of friendship the moment that Snape is Sorted. Lucius is a Prefect, however, and several years older; no older teen wants to regularly hang out with an 11-year-old. And yet in adulthood Snape is described as "Lucius’s old friend"; Lucius "speaks most highly" of Snape to Umbridge; and Draco seems to like Snape already as a teacher, and even suggests him for headmaster in CoS, when "The appointment — or suspension — of the headmaster is a matter for the governors" - including Lucius:

“Sir,” said Malfoy loudly. “Sir, why don’t you apply for the headmaster’s job?” “Now, now, Malfoy,” said Snape, though he couldn’t suppress a thin-lipped smile. “Professor Dumbledore has only been suspended by the governors. I daresay he’ll be back with us soon enough.” “Yeah, right,” said Malfoy, smirking. “I expect you’d have Father’s vote, sir, if you wanted to apply for the job — I’ll tell Father you’re the best teacher here, sir —”

Perhaps Lucius, for the few years' overlap where Snape was in school and Lucius was Prefect, may have befriended Snape. But in a House where pecking order, prestige, and blood status play a role as well as age, this isn't certain. Far from being 'friends' in the traditional sense, Snape is once described as Lucius' "lapdog" (a small pampered pet dog; a person or organization that is influenced or controlled by another). Other metas and essays have pointed out may refer to a relationship like the Ancient Roman tradition of patronage:

Patronage (clientela) was the distinctive relationship in ancient Roman society between the patronus ('patron') and their cliens ('client'). The relationship was hierarchical, but obligations were mutual. The patron was the protector, sponsor, and benefactor of the client; the technical term for this protection was patrocinium. Although typically the client was of inferior social class, a patron and client might even hold the same social rank, but the former would possess greater wealth, power, or prestige that enabled him to help or do favors for the client.

Or, more worryingly, to 'fagging', which features in some older boarding school stories and may have been referenced, intentionally or not, by JKR:

Fagging was a traditional practice in British public schools and also at many other boarding schools, whereby younger pupils were required to act as personal servants to the eldest boys. Although probably originating earlier, the first accounts of fagging appeared in the late 17th century. Fagging sometimes involved physical abuse and/or sexual abuse. Fagging originated as a structure for maintaining order in boarding schools. Fagging carried with it well-defined rights and duties on both sides. The senior, sometimes called the fag-master, was the protector of his fags and responsible for their happiness and good conduct. In case of any problem outside the classroom, such as bullying or injustice, a junior boy's recourse was to him, not to a form master or housemaster, and, except in the gravest cases, all incidents were dealt with by the fag-master on his own responsibility. The duties undertaken by fags ... would include such humble tasks as blacking boots, brushing clothes, and cooking breakfasts, and there was no limit as to hours the fag would be expected to work. Later, fagging was restricted to such tasks as running errands and bringing tea to the fag-master's study.

I think it's more feasible that Snape was Lucius' "fag", or at the very least his errand-boy; it may well have developed into more of a patron/client style relationship in later years, post-Hogwarts, especially with Severus and Lucius both connected to the school (until Lucius was removed from the Board of Governors), and supporting one another in proposals/managing Slytherin house/Draco - and prior to that, working together with Severus reporting to Lucius under Voldemort.

In any case, Sirius calling Snape a "lapdog" implies that in some capacity Snape was influenced or controlled by Lucius in school. I say in school, because Sirius didn't even initially know that Snape was a DE, or that Snape was working at Hogwarts - suggesting that this insult was in reference to Snape's early years at school, before Lucius graduated.

Either option (fagging or patron/client) functionally makes Snape little more than Lucius' own personal house-elf, although perhaps he would've treated Snape better than a house-elf - despite his blood status and younger age, he was still a wizard. (And Draco does once say "this is servant stuff", possibly suggesting they also have servants/staff as well as a house elf; Voldemort's supporters are also called servants. Lucius was likely getting Snape 'trained'/grooming him). And of course there's Dumbledore's line to Voldemort feels particularly reminiscent of the type of relationship I'm imagining between Snape and Lucius:

“I am glad to hear that you consider them friends,” said Dumbledore. “I was under the impression that they are more in the order of servants.”

I'm firmly of the belief that it became more of a reciprocal patron/client relationship after school, rather than during; if Lucius had been 'polishing' Snape so that he appeared less... Snape, he didn't do well. Snape is 'clearly unpopular' and still 'greasy' as an older teen, and also Lucius and Snape's school years didn't substantially overlap.

This also ties into something I read somewhere (and please, god, if someone can find it I'd love to read it again) where it was argued that Snape appears to be well-spoken/polished enough for Bellatrix to be surprised (and disgusted) when she sees Spinner's End - as though she had no idea that Snape was from somewhere as run down as that. (She did, however, know that he wasn't Pureblood - she reckons that she and Narcissa must be the "first of their kind" to step foot in Spinner's End. To me, this also suggests further that Snape's mother wasn't Pureblood, because Bellatrix of all people would know the Prince name if she had been, and Snape may have raised it as 'evidence' for his 'worthiness').

Anyway, perhaps Lucius would've helped Snape go from the sometimes brash, stuttering teen to the (largely) soft-spoken, sharp-tongued adult - before he's introduced to the Death Eaters and Voldemort. Introducing a Snape who seems "common" or "lowborn" wouldn't have done Lucius any favours, but we can expect that Snape would otherwise have been considered useful; something I noticed on a recent reread is that Lucius was in posession of some poisons he thought might get him in trouble during the raids in CoS:

“You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids,” said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. “I have a few — ah — items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call … and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it appear — ”

I like to imagine that Snape was the one who brewed them for Lucius since he's the character most often associated with poison.

Still, given the snootiness of the Malfoys, it is interesting that Lucius 'befriended' or otherwise used, groomed, or recruited Snape in the first place - and that other Pureblood Death Eaters just accepted it.

(Pure)Blood Is Thicker Than Water

I think we can assume that Lucius and Draco shared roughly the same views in school; Draco learnt it all somewhere, Lucius was in the same position of privilege and power in his school days, coming from a Pureblood family, and from what we can see of Slytherins of that generation, Regulus Black and his parents shared the view that Voldemort had the 'right idea', which apparently many Pureblood families did. These views aren't anything new; we can see that with Marvolo Gaunt. Voldemort just harnessed them, and he's probably been doing it since he was in school (with a Lestrange and an Avery in Slughorn's memory).

The Malfoys prided themselves on being purebloods; in other words, they considered anyone of Muggle descent ... second-class. (GoF)

Although the above quote is Harry's perspective, he's probably not wrong about the Malfoys' view on Muggle heritage. This is slightly complicated by writing from JK:

From the imposition of the Statute of Secrecy onwards, no Malfoy has married a Muggle or Muggle-born. The family has, however, eschewed the somewhat dangerous practice of inter-marrying within such a small pool of pure-bloods that they become enfeebled or unstable, unlike a small minority of fanatic families such as the Gaunts and Lestranges, and many a half-blood appears on the Malfoy family tree. [X]

Given the near-meaninglessness of 'half-blood', it's open to interpretation whether the Malfoys would allow someone with one Muggle parent, for example, to marry into the family; more likely they allow 'second generation' half-bloods or more, with some Muggle(born) ancestry but slightly removed by a generation or more. (Does this also mean the Malfoys are technically half-blood? The entire system is more political than scientific, but I expect they are 'technically' half-blood to stricter purists. Marvolo Gaunt would certainly think so: "Generations of purebloods, wizards all — more than you can say, I don’t doubt!")

But the attitude is what matters here.

Families like the Blacks, for instance, seem to have been more strict:

"If you’re only going to let your sons and daughters marry purebloods your choice is very limited, there are hardly any of us left. Molly and I are cousins by marriage and Arthur’s something like my second cousin once removed. But there’s no point looking for them on here — if ever a family was a bunch of blood traitors it’s the Weasleys." "While his will makes it perfectly plain that he wants you to have the house, it is nevertheless possible that some spell or enchantment has been set upon [Grimmauld] place to ensure that it cannot be owned by anyone other than a pureblood."

Walburga Black's portrait screams at everyone in the Order that they're Mudbloods, half-breeds, and scum - and the Order consists of Pureblood blood traitors, Half-bloods with two magical parents (good enough, perhaps, for the Malfoys - but not for the Blacks or Lestranges), and (one) Muggle-born. Of course, discrimination in familial marriage requirements and property owenership don't necessarily translate to how you'd treat people on a day-to-day basis, but the biases obviously inform it. Lucius, when trying to appear moderate in front of Fudge, is less openly hostile to the blood traitor Weasley family, for example.

But at Hogwarts, the teens and tweens are left unattended in their Common Rooms, free to be as cruel as teens and tweens can be without a guiding hand. In CoS, Draco is comfortable enough in the Common Room to discuss his family's illicit goings-on, brag about the fact that Lucius has additional knowledge about Voldemort's involvement in the Chamber opening last time, to say 'Mudblood' with careless abandon, and that he wishes Hermione dead, all in one breath:

“And Father won’t tell me anything about the last time the Chamber was opened either. Of course, it was fifty years ago, so it was before his time, but he knows all about it, and he says that it was all kept quiet and it’ll look suspicious if I know too much about it. But I know one thing — last time the Chamber of Secrets was opened, a Mudblood died. So I bet it’s a matter of time before one of them’s killed this time. ... I hope it’s Granger,” he said with relish. (CoS)

The Slytherin Common Room password, during a major event in which several students have already been Petrified by the Heir of Slytherin's monster, and messages left on the wall in blood, Draco manages to say "Mudblood" no less than 6 times in 3 pages - imagine how much it's being said in general, not just by Draco in the hour that Harry and Ron spend there. And the Common Room opens to a password of "Pureblood". Like I said in the previous meta, "there's a strong sense of pureblood supremacy communicated in that password that's only strengthened by the timing, echoing the Heir's agenda. In any case, it speaks to the entrenched nature of Pureblood ideology of Slytherin as a house."

Draco is also comfortable to say 'Mudblood' in public (Madam Malkins' shop), and in front of his mother:

“If you’re wondering what the smell is, Mother, a Mudblood just walked in,” said Draco Malfoy. (HBP)

So I expect it's a fairly common occurrence at home, since Draco's been using it since he was ~12, before the second rise of Voldemort. I suggest that Narcissa Malfoy (nee Black, after all) and/or Lucius Malfoy, and the rest of the Pureblood supremacists, were more than comfortable saying it as students, too.

Salazar Slytherin himself "wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. He disliked taking students of Muggle parentage" (CoS). The Sorting Hat sings in OotP "...Slytherin took only pure-blood wizards... just like him" and we see Walburga Black refer to Muggle-borns and half-bloods in the Order as:

"MUDBLOODS! SCUM! CREATURES OF DIRT!" “Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, begone from this place! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers — ” "Mudbloods, filth, stains of dishonor, taint of shame on the house of my fathers!"

Slytherin House is just as much home to the likes of the teenage Lestranges, Blacks, and Malfoys of the world as 12 Grimmauld Place was to Walburga:

“My whole family have been in Slytherin,” [Sirius] said. "Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I’ll be in Slytherin, all our family have been." [Draco]

Snape's presence there, in the eyes of some, is likely defiling the House of their fathers - especially during a period in which Salazar Slytherin's own heir was stoking the fires of Pureblood supremacy, affecting both Hogwarts and the wider wizarding world - and he was continuing to recruit Slytherin students. Certainly of those we hear a reasonable amount about who became Death Eaters, most (if not all) claim to be Pureblood, whether that be true or not:

"The Death Eaters can’t all be pure-blood, there aren’t enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure." "I got this one," [Neville] indicated another slash to his face, "for asking [Carrow] how much Muggle blood she and her brother have got."

But... Snape is not Pureblood; he is half Muggle. He would quickly be identified as half-blood, since "the pure-blood families are all interrelated", and "there are hardly any of [them] left". So I'm sure it must have come up as a (certainly impolite) discussion in the Common Room when it was realised that Snape was not Pureblood.

Somewhere above, I've quoted the ('not in the books' information) that the Malfoys accepted half-bloods into their family - and so perhaps their view on Snape as a half-Muggle would've been more moderate, although this isn't entirely guaranteed. Regardless, Voldemort-loving Regulus Black, whose mother called everyone from Purebloods to Muggle-borns "Mudbloods" would not have been so 'kind'; and certainly neither would Bellatrix Black, if she were attending around the same time.

We vaguely hear about Snape being "part of gang of Slytherins who nearly all turned out to be Death Eaters":

"Rosier and Wilkes — they were both killed by Aurors the year before Voldemort fell. The Lestranges — they’re a married couple — they’re in Azkaban. Avery — from what I’ve heard he wormed his way out of trouble by saying he’d been acting under the Imperius Curse — he’s still at large."

Avery is mentioned both in this quote and in Snape's memories with Lily, so presumably at some stage Avery became friendly enough with Snape for Lily to comment on it. But this would imply that Snape only became part of this 'gang' later on - I hardly think that Lily would be fine with someone like Bellatrix but not with Avery, aka Generic Death Eater #4 compared to Voldemort's most well-liked (if you can call it that) Death Eater. There's also a curious lack of a mention of Mulciber in the gang, who was friends with Snape (per Lily), was confirmed as a Death Eater, went to Azkaban, and was apparently a specialist in the Imperius curse - and who Lily seemed to think was worse than Avery. Even more curious an absence from Sirius' retelling of Snape's 'gang' is Lucius Malfoy, given that he's the only person ever mentioned as Snape's 'friend' in adulthood.

Some Slytherin students' families were already tied to Voldemort (e.g. Avery and Lestrange, as seen in Slughorn's memories of Voldemort's youth), or would quickly become so - including Lucius, who left school and shortly after Snape arrived and was trusted enough to look after Voldemort's Horcrux/Diary, and Snape likely would've attended school with Regulus Black, who somehow managed to sign up at 16. Within the 'gang' of Slytherins was also apparently Bellatrix, who was certainly Voldemort's favourite, and a staunch blood supremacist.

I'm sure it was totally fine and she was very relaxed about it. She certainly didn't insult Harry for being a half-blood, both before and after Harry tells her that Voldemort is half-blood himself:

"filthy half-blood" "You dare speak his name with your unworthy lips, you dare besmirch it with your half-blood’s tongue, you dare -"

It's worth noting here the definition of 'besmirch' because I just thought it meant 'slander', which it sort of does:

She thinks that the claim damages Voldemort's reputation, and his good name. Bellatrix's reaction underscores the strong disdain and contempt that pure-blood supremacists have for anyone who is not Pureblood. To her, Harry's truth lie about Voldemort's half-blood status is an insult and an affront to Voldemort's perceived superiority. Bellatrix uses "half-blood" derogatorily, and later calls him a "filthy half blood" - highlighting the belief that being a half-blood is inherently inferior and contaminates his worth and status, despite Voldemort's considerable power, lineage, and reputation.

Bellatrix also seemed... surprised at where Snape lived in HBP:

“He lives here?” asked Bella in a voice of contempt. “Here? In this Muggle dunghill? We must be the first of our kind ever to set foot — ”

Perhaps, then, Snape lied about his heritage. After all Bellatrix, for all of her other insults, never insults Snape's blood status (that we see) - but then Half Bloods are awarded respect for their behaviour or usefulness, and Voldemort arguably thinks of Snape as his most trusted follower by this point, and Bellatrix can only question that to a certain point without appearing to question Voldemort. And, she only steps foot in Spinner's End after Harry's made his claim about Voldemort being half-blood himself, so she might be treading more lightly.

She may instead be surprised not because Snape's a half-blood (that would've been clear) - but because he, Voldemort's right-hand Death Eater, chose to stay in not only a Muggle neighbourhood - but a really old, really delapidated one.

Perhaps (if we are to go by JK's additional writings, and not by Sirius/ the book information alone), Bellatrix never went to school with Snape - she'd be a few years older, and would have graduated before Snape even arrived. She personally wouldn't have ever needed to taunt Snape for his parentage, especially if Lucius had already had a hand in polishing his appearance and speech.

Now think about what it all means for Snape. Snape's status as a half-blood places him in a precarious position within the rigid hierarchy of the (Pureblood supremacist) wizarding world. If it didn't then the other Death Eaters, and Voldemort himself, wouldn't pretend to be Pureblood.

And when you consider the fact that Snape is "best friends" with Lily - potentially as late as his 5th year - he's going to be on the receiving end of some very pointed questions even from the most 'lenient' Pureblood supremacist. Consider below some quotes from Draco which may have been applied to Snape:

“Saint Potter, the Mudbloods’ friend,” said Malfoy slowly. “He’s another one with no proper wizard feeling, or he wouldn’t go around with that jumped-up [Granger] Mudblood.”

I think it's worth noting at this point that Snape might be considered also not to have the "proper wizard feeling", as he grew up, like Harry, impoverished, neglected, and separated from Wizarding society. He also 'goes around' (is friends with) a "jumped-up Mudblood", the talented Lily (both Lily and Hermione were talented according to Slughorn, who coincidentally also rejected Draco). The only thing I might add is that Lucius sometimes warns Draco to hold his tongue, so Lucius might have been more politically-minded and not gone around saying Mudblood 6 times each breath.

More to consider with regard to Snape's friendship with Lily, based on Draco's quotes about his father and the political situation:

"... Father actually considered sending me to Durmstrang rather than Hogwarts, you know. He knows the headmaster, you see. Well, you know his opinion of Dumbledore — the man’s such a Mudblood-lover — and Durmstrang doesn’t admit that sort of riffraff."

"You’ve picked the losing side, Potter! I warned you! I told you you ought to choose your company more carefully, remember? When we met on the train, first day at Hogwarts? I told you not to hang around with riffraff like this!” [Draco] jerked his head at Ron and Hermione. “Too late now, Potter! They’ll be the first to go, now the Dark Lord’s back! Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers first!"

Despite the pressure Snape probably faced to stop talking to a Muggleborn Gryffindor since day dot, it's interesting to note that Lily only seems to talk about Severus hanging out with Mulciber and Avery after the Prank, as if it were a relatively new development in the grand scheme of things:

"... I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! ... I don’t understand how you can be friends with them."

"You're hanging around with" being in the present tense gives me the impression that it's been a few weeks/months and this unexpected, inexplicable addition of Sev's new friends has surprised and worried her, causing this particular argument. They're not like him; until that point, she'd seen a side of Severus that didn't match the "creepy" and "evil" Mulciber and Avery. Perhaps he tried to hold out as long as he could, but the Prank spurred him to realise that he needed to fit in with more people than just Lily.

But none of Snape's "precious little Death Eater friends" are shown to help him during SWM, and some of them, presumably, would have finished the exam at the same time, left at the same time, and gone out to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine. Lily leaves with her friends, James leaves with his friends, and Snape leaves alone to sit in a bush. When Snape was finally accosted by the Marauders, "Several people watching laughed; Snape was clearly unpopular."

This is the situation unfolding in Snape's dormitories; a growing sense of unsafety, of choosing sides.

"Don't pick the losing side, Snape. I'm warning you, you you ought to choose your company more carefully. You'll be the first to go, now the Dark Lord’s rising. Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers first."

On the one side, Snape could follow Lily and other future Order members, the opposition of Voldemort under Dumbledore; the ones who strung him in the air and threatened to strip him, the ones who silenced him after the Prank, who didn't listen to his side of the story. He could remain neutral, perhaps work for a Ministry that regards nepotism as a valid career path, and whose blood supremacy is quieter but no less damaging to his opportunities. Or, Snape can approach the side who may have initially discounted him - but they're his House, his family-away-from-family. They cheered when he entered their House; they extended the hand of friendship. Perhaps they're starting to see his value, because he's finally starting to play along like Crabbe and Goyle do - laughing at jokes that aren't funny, siding with the more powerful people in the room. He's sharing a laugh with them about what they "tried to do to Mary Macdonald" - because in his mind, even if it was Dark Magic, it's not as bad as or is on a par with "the stuff Potter and his mates get up to" (aka attempted murder; illegal hexes like on Bertram Aubrey).

[There's also a fun essay somewhere that argues the 'dark magic' in question was Levicorpus since Hermione shares a reaction with Lily and Harry/Ron share a reaction (and descriptive language "just a laugh") with Harry/Ron but I don't remember whose it is or where i read it :( I literally can't find it so if someone knows where it is, I'd love to find it again.]

I expect that that Snape's started to earn himself some (perhaps begrudging) respect by this time for spell creation and his academic success, and that eventually Snape proved himself (as half-bloods need to do) as useful.

...But useful doesn't mean essential. Lucius was useful to Voldemort, until he wasn't. Snape may have been useful to the other Slytherins, but they didn't help him until they had some reason to, until he was powerful - when Voldemort trusted Snape above Lucius, and Bellatrix. Snape himself was ultimately, arguably, the most useful to Voldemort - and he still killed him.

But Snape doesn't know any of this yet. It's 1970, and Voldemort has just started recruiting in earnest. Like the other future Death Eaters, he's no doubt been told that "Lord Voldemort rewards his helpers". Loyalty to the cause means "reward[s] beyond any of his other supporters". "He would reward you beyond all of us." And he's starting to believe it; he's starting to find a community, approval, and a sense of power and protection. He lives with people who believe he's lesser until he proves himself, and he possibly shares a dorm with them. Conforming to it, even playing into it, contains an element of survival - since he has no other connections, power, money, or a good name for himself. His relationship with Lily is straining; she doesn't ask his side of the story with the Prank, she doesn't see why he'd spend time with Mulciber and Avery. They're growing up and growing apart. The only resistance to Voldemort at this point is Dumbledore - the same man who silenced Snape on the Prank and, to Snape's mind, turns a blind eye to the Marauders sneaking around and tormenting him, and attempting to murder him. Why should Snape trust Dumbledore? Why should he later trust the Order? If he doesn't pick a side, he'll surely just get caught in the crossfire.

Voldemort is nearing the height of his power - for Snape's own survival, he reckons he's got a better chance with the Death Eaters. And who can blame him?

If only things had been different.

"You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon."

#no conclusions only vibes #half baked meta #snape meta #severus snape #pro snape #snape #professor snape #snape fandom #pro severus snape #snapedom #young snape #death eater snape #snaps-meta #im fairly sure i started a sentence in here somewhere and forgot about it but idk where #and i cannot read it again

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utilitycaster · 7 months ago

Note

Didnt realize you were a long time listener of TAZ - ive found it to be very hit-or-miss personally, but id be interested to hear your opinions on each of the seasons (or just your favourite and why if thats too long an ask)

Sure! A brief opinion on each season with some notes on mini-arcs.

Balance: extremely strong story, but, I will admit, having met people who are longtime D&D players and not actual play fans, TAZ Balance is the example I think of, because I like both but MAN do they play fast and loose at times. I am already a "no, you gotta read the rulebook too" kind of person but for TAZ Balance it really is like "please forget basically everything that occurred on a mechanics level and just vibe with the narrative." Of the Balance arcs, Crystal Kingdom was my favorite at the time but I think I need to give the Eleventh Hour another listen at some point for timeloop reasons; it does culminate really well.

Amnesty: I binged Balance first but I think Amnesty served for some time as the strongest marriage of a good story and a rule set that supported it, plus a setting that the McElroys clearly understood and deeply loved. I still think it might be their strongest overall, and people who left it because it wasn't More Balance are weak and will not survive the winter.

Graduation: ngl despite having purchased a book that is sort of a Magic Academia Book at a used bookstore last week and being a Fantasy High fan I feel like my tolerance for Magical Academia has really not been maintained. Like can we stop pastiching Harry Potter. Between Rowling being a rabid transphobe and me being tired of my nostalgia being strip-mined when it wasn't that deep anyway I just think we should start parodying literally anything else that was popular among children in the late 1990s/early 2000s. I did love The Firbolg though. It was fine, basically, but I suspect if it hadn't aired during the pandemic when I was taking like a 2 hour walk alone daily while also still driving a lot, if I'd have kept up.

Ethersea: I think the premise was great and to be totally honest I wish it had played out a little more slowly and for a longer time; I'm struggling to remember it because it felt rushed, even though I enjoyed it a lot at the time. I will say, The Quiet Year is not a good podcast-only system.

Steeplechase: Also extremely strong and very well done. In general I know that listenership dips when they do systems other than D&D but I happen to think those systems work better for them and they should say fuck the haters. Extremely good and I think Justin's approach to GMing was great; I still think about Shlabethany.

Vs. Dracula: I think it suits what Griffin wants to do namely "throw in everything" which is not a criticism, but I have found it a little harder to stick with. Like, it's fun, but it's a little insubstantial for me.

Mini-arcs: I recall not being terribly into Commitment in part because I think the Fate system is just. not great and hard to follow; the concept was cool. The Marvel season that Clinton GM-ed more recently was I think a better implementation. Dust is quite good and I'd like to see Travis work with that; also I loved Erika guesting in that. Also Dadlands is peak and I was at the second live show.

#answered #faltermoth #taz tag

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ptersparkers · 3 years ago

Text

quintessential ravenclaw

summary: there’s not much that you, a ravenclaw who happens to be friends with the golden trio, know about draco malfoy. but one project changes the trajectory of everything you thought you knew about it.

notes: idk why i’m writing for draco honestly and i know the gif looks like a white girl but in my head i wrote her poc bc i am a poc bye!!!! i just liked the library and how cool the gif is. also in my head everyone here is like, in college despite me writing this in hogwarts. ok bye have fun reading, my loves.

warnings: typos, probably.

The last place Draco wanted to be was at the Great Hall, sitting next to his loud friends on a Thursday afternoon.

Rather, he wanted to bring a plate of food up to his dormitory and eat in silence. Pansy was speaking too loudly for his liking, Theo was entertaining her, and Blaise was offering no form of help. With all of the commotion happening around him, Draco felt sequestered in his spot despite being unable to leave.

You, on the other hand, were talking to Harry, Ron, and Hermione across the hall from Draco when you saw his chin rest in the palm of his hand.

“Do you think Draco’s doing okay?” you asked out of the blue. The conversation halted and Ron looked at you as if you had grown a second head.

“Are you mad, Y/N?” he asked. You shrugged. “Why do you care about how Malfoy’s doing?”

“No real reason,” you replied. “I’ve just noticed he’s been a bit of a downer lately.”

“He’s always down,” Harry reminded.

“I suppose that’s true. But I don’t know. We have nearly half of our classes together and he’s barely holding it together.”

“And how can you tell, miss know-it-all?” Ron asked.

“He hasn’t been exceptionally rude to either of you in two weeks.”

Harry dwelled on the thought and came to the realization that you were right. Draco hadn’t spared him a glance in the past two weeks and he’d known something was off but wasn’t sure until you were able to point it out to him.

“I don’t want to ‘fix’ him, Ronald,” you scolded, bringing Harry back to attention.

“I'm just saying,” he replied, raising his hands in surrender. “You can’t fix what’s broken.”

“Y/N simply means she wants to inquire about why he’s so sullen lately,” said Hermione. “Even though I don’t necessarily agree that you should do it.”

“For Christ’s sake,” you said, groaning with your head in your hands. “I don’t mean to walk over there and ask him if he’s okay. It was just an observation.”

“You are a Ravenclaw,” Harry reminded.

“Yeah, yeah,” you muttered, lifting your head to bite into a piece of toast.

“You can be a bit naive about Slytherins,” Harry said. “They’re not all bad but you’ve definitely not been on the receiving end of Malfoy and his friends’ torment.”

“Harry!” Hermione said, swatting his forearm.

“What’d you do that for?”

“You boys are insufferable,” she grunted, sitting back in her seat. Hermione turned to you and put a hand on your shoulder. “What Harry means to say is you haven’t dealt with Draco for as long as we have, considering we only became friends earlier this year. We don’t mean to stop you from talking to him, but you need to be careful.”

“I don’t know what makes you guys think I’m going to talk to him,” you said with a chuckle. “Thanks Hermione, but I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon. I’m just concerned from a distance.”

“Well, whatever has Malfoy down,” Ron began, “I hope it keeps him preoccupied so he can forget about us.”

“Right,” Harry agreed. “Thinking about him on top of trying to study for exams is gonna kill me.”

“We can study together,” you promised him. “Now let’s stop with all this Malfoy talk and finish breakfast, yeah?”

When you parted ways with your friends in favor of finishing an assignment at the library, the last thing you expected was for Theodore Nott to tap your shoulder.

“Goodness,” you squealed, clutching your chest. Theo laughed.

“Sorry to scare you,” he said. “Though, I thought I might find you here.”

“Please don’t startle me again,” you huffed, watching as he sat next to you. “What can I do for you, Theo?”

“Would you mind helping me with our potions project when classes are over? You’re the best in the class and even I’m not over admitting I need a little help.”

You looked at him with a kind smile. Theo had always been the nicest out of Draco��s friend group, and you’d go so far as to call him a casual acquaintance.

“Sure, it’s not a problem,” you replied.

“Thank you so much,” he sighed out of relief. “You’re my actual saving grace. Draco’s fairly good at it but he seems preoccupied lately.”

You wanted to ask about him but thought it best not to.

“See you later, Y/N!”

It was nearly six in the evening when you entered the library, as Theo had told you. Eager to help Theo with his project, you ate a quick dinner and said goodbye to your friends. You didn’t need to walk far to hear hushed voices speaking around a circular table.

“Shut up, Pansy,” you heard Draco say. “We’re in a library.”

“Shove off, Draco,” Pansy sighed. “You’ve been a real git lately.”

“When am I not?” Draco snapped back. Pansy sat there quietly.

“Um,” you interjected. Theo looked up from his book. “I can come back if you’d like?”

“No need,” he said, pulling out the chair next to him. “They’re just Draco and Pansy as per usual.” His comment made Draco roll his eyes and his gaze traveled to where you stood.

In your years of attending Hogwarts, you’d flown under Draco’s radar until you became friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. You never had a reason to speak with him; until this year, you’d seldom shared classes with him or had any friends that ran in the same circle as he did. There was no real reason for you to make your presence known and though you disliked the way he treated your friends once you were welcomed into their group, you were all adults. There was no reason to act like children.

Yet you stood in front of Draco and he looked at you like he’d been tormenting you since your first year.

“Well, are you going to stand there?” Draco said to you.

You raised your eyebrow at his tone and looked at him for a mere second, as if you were giving a thought to his question, before setting your book bag beside the empty seat and occupying it. Theo rolled his eyes and did his best to ignore his friends talking around him.

You, on the other hand, were doing your best to help Theo, but your mind wandered to the blond sitting across from you. You could feel his eyes staring directly into your frame and you thought how ironic it was for Theo to have had you sit with his group of friends after telling Harry you wanted nothing to do with talking to Draco. It was almost comical how you’d found your way sitting amongst a group of Slytherins after having confidently said you wanted no part in befriending the ones who associated with Draco.

You were brought back to attention when Theo knocked your shoulder with his arm in excitement.

“You’re really smart,” he complimented. “Thanks for helping me, Y/N.”

“It’s no problem, really,” you said with a polite smile. “I find potions to be quite entertaining.”

“Of course you would,” Draco said.

“Do you have a problem with me?” you asked earnestly.

Draco took a moment to think of a response.

“I’m trying to figure that out.”

You left the library as fast as you could.

+++

You found it almost hysterical when you were partnered with Draco for a research essay that was due in three weeks.

You’d spent the night in your room, wondering why the universe had put you in Draco’s path after you had explicitly told your friends you were a curious bystander to Draco’s sudden lack of wrath. Now, not only did you have to spend your class time sitting next to him as his partner, you had to spend the next three weeks with him.

The research essay was a significant portion of your grade and you were worried about how to approach him. Were you willing to do all of the research if he was unwilling to? How would you go about asking him to study? Would he want to get a head start like you did to avoid procrastination?

“Y/N,” Draco said, ceasing your thoughts. You looked to your left and saw him look at you quizzically. “I asked if you wanted to start researching tonight.”

“Oh,” you replied, clearing your throat. “Actually, yeah. I want to get a head start.”

“Good. I want to get this essay done as soon as possible,” Draco said, closing his book. You watched as he put it in his book bag and followed suit, drowning out the sound of creaking chairs from the students leaving the classroom.

“I’ll be in the library at seven,” he said, pointing at you.

He left the classroom without a word and you sighed, hoping the next three weeks would pass by like flying colors.

When dinnertime approached, you had said hello to your housemates and ate with them for a portion of your meal before joining the Gryffindors for dessert.

“You know, you’re gonna get in trouble by sitting with us one of these days,” Ron said, his mouth full of cake.

“I’m pretty sure you guys have saved this school plenty for this one rule to slip by their radar,” you replied.

“So you and Malfoy,” Harry began.

“Don’t remind me,” you said. “I don’t even know how to talk to the bloke without thinking he’s gonna bite my head off.”

“Can’t help you there,” Ron said with a shrug.

“We’re meeting in thirty minutes to work on the essay,” you announced. “At least I know he’s gonna work on his part.”

“Jeez,” said Ron, “you’ve got your work cut out for you.

“Tell me about it,” you said, rolling your eyes.

When seven approached, you found yourself walking through the library’s door in search of Draco. His belongings were on an empty desk while he was searching through the bookshelves, unaware of your presence until you put your book bag on the seat next to him.

“You’re late,” he said.

“I have two minutes,” you said, rolling your eyes. He looked at the lock and without a beat, scoffed at your correction. “Quintessential Ravenclaw, aren’t you?”

“I’m not doing the essay by myself, if that’s what you’re hinting at,” you replied with a frown.

“No, that’s not what I was trying to say,” Draco said, shaking his head. “Never mind. Let’s find a topic and get this essay over with.”

An hour passed by with relative success. You’d divided the work as evenly as possible and watched as Draco kept mostly to himself if he wasn’t asking for your academic opinion. He looked less put together up close than he did from your seat at the Gryffindor table. Draco’s eyes looked perpetually tired and his shoulder looked as if it carried the weight of the world without rest.

“What are you looking at?” Draco said, turning from the bookshelf to where you stood.

You closed your book. “Nothing. Just reading is all.”

“I can feel you looking at me.”

“I’m not,” you lied. “Do you have a problem with me, or something?”

“Considering you’re friends with Potter, yes,” he scoffed.

“You don’t even know me,” you said.

“I don’t need to. There’s no reason for me to get to know you if you get along with Potter and his friends.”

You frowned. “I’m not even in Gryffindor.”

“Like I said,” Draco said, closing the book and walking past you to the shelf behind you. “I don’t need to get to know you.”

“I suppose,” you said, ignoring his harsh comment.

By the next time you and Draco were in the library, you had promised yourself that you’d ignore his presence and work as diligently as you could. Hermione had suggested trying to make nice with him, but you were reluctant to open your mouth unless it was absolutely necessary.

However, Draco was staring so intently at the parchment in front of him and you desperately wanted to ask him how you wanted to structure the essay. But his penetrative stare and your inherent anxiety about talking to strangers kept you from speaking up.

“Well?” Draco taunted. “What is it? You’ve been staring at me for the past five minutes.”

“This project would go by a lot faster if you bothered to acknowledge me,” you retorted, sitting back in your seat.

“This is an essay, not a personality test,” Draco muttered.

“Come on,” you said, rolling your eyes. “You’re going to spend the next three weeks with me. Might as well try to like each other.”

Draco looked at your blue robes and considered your offer. You were the first person who was friends with Harry that Draco bothered to speak for more than a minute. While he wasn’t in the business of making friends, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to know that you’d finish your essay with pride, even if you were in Ravenclaw.

“Get to know each other?” Draco scoffed. “What are we, twelve?”

“I’m being serious,” you replied. “You obviously have a problem with me but you don’t even know me like you think I do. This project will go by faster if we get along.”

“And what if we don’t get along?” he questioned, taking a step towards you.

“Then we go back to whatever the hell we’re doing now.”

Draco should’ve walked away when you proposed the idea of getting to trust one another. He wanted nothing more than to complete the project sooner than later in order to forget that he was partnered with you, yet he found it difficult to disagree with your idea. Draco stood and fixed his posture as he looked into your eyes, wondering if there was an ulterior motive for your actions.

“Fine,” he agreed. “We can get to know each other and whatnot. Meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight at nine. Don’t be late.”

The hallways were quiet apart from the soft echoes of your shoes. You donned a sweater and sweatpants, and felt extremely out of place because you had never worn regular clothing in the hallways. The weather was exceptionally cold, even in your layers, and you dashed for the Astronomy Tower to avoid being late and to avoid freezing in the cold.

Your hair was still damp from your shower twenty minutes prior and your hands were near freezing. You cursed, wishing you’d brought your gloves with you instead of leaving them by your bedside. The tower was still in the night with the sound of chirping in the distance and you hid your hands in the sleeves of your sweater. You looked at the ground below as you waited for Draco, who called your name as you peered over the edge.

You yelped and tripped over a pebble on the ground, grabbing the edge of the tower to steady yourself. Draco instantaneously lurched forward and gripped your arm in his hand after you’d steadied yourself and it took him a moment to realize you had completely regained balance. He dropped your arm and cleared his throat, looking at your choice of clothing.

“You’re not wearing your robes,” he pointed out.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re clearly wearing yours.”

“I hadn’t gone back to change,” Draco defends. He was still looking at your informal attire.

“I don’t wear my robes to bed, if that’s what you’re thinking,” you said, crossing your arms. “Plus, it’s cold. I don’t know how you aren’t freezing right now.”

Draco shrugged. “So, about your proposition.”

“Draco, you make it sound like we’re handling a transaction,” you said, taking a step around him.

“Well, you made it sound like one.”

You scrunch your nose. “I think both of us will benefit from being friendly, considering you have to spend an hour with me everyday.”

“Can’t we just talk to each other when need be?”

You sighed, wondering if meeting Draco was a waste of time.

“Fine,” you muttered. “I was getting cold anyway.”

Draco watched as you walked from where you stood in front of him to the top of the staircase when he spoke before he could contemplate whether he really wanted to or not.

“Wait,” he called out. You turned around. “If it’ll make this essay more tolerable, then yes, we can get to know each other.”

You smiled and walked back towards him.

“You know,” he began, “you’re cold because your hair is damp.”

“I know that,” you said while rolling your eyes. “Doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it.”

“So I’ve learned that you’re fairly chatty,” Draco said.

“Depends,” you shrugged. “I’m kind of shy but I’ve definitely started to get out of my shell after befriending Harry, Ron, and Hermione.” Draco tried not to scoff at the mention of your friends.

“Must be why I’ve never noticed you until this year,” he stated. You lowered your eyes and awkwardly walked around the tower. Draco watched your movements and wondered if he could’ve said that better.

“Perhaps,” you mumbled. “I’m talkative to compensate for how awkward I feel when I’m around people I don’t know very well.”

“You could ignore everyone altogether,” he suggested.

“Easy for you to say, Slytherin Prince,” you scoffed. “You already know people want to be friends with you if you ignore them.”

Draco couldn't argue with that. “You overextend yourself.”

“No, I’m just friends with people everyone at this school knows.”

Draco nodded and put his wand in his pocket after realizing he’d been gripping it too hard. The weather was cold, yes, but he wasn’t sure if that was the reason why he was approaching your conversation like it was fragile, like he had to think before he spoke. Your hair stuck to your cheeks and he watched as you kept pulling it from your face.

“I bet you aren’t really as cold as you make yourself out to be,” you said, observing him from where you stood.

“Oh?”

“Mhm. I bet you’ve got all these pent up emotions but you don’t like to show it.”

Draco didn’t want to discuss him, particularly. He also didn’t want you to know that you were on the nose about what was going on with him lately.

“I don’t think you know anything about me,” he said. “You just think you do.”

You looked at him and shrugged, unable to form an argument. He’d been an enigma to you since you started at Hogwarts the same year as he did, but you never had a reason to speak with him until now. You’d always been more perceptive than you were outgoing, keeping to yourself unless you were surrounded by people you knew fairly well.

But Harry had asked you to help him with his homework at the beginning of the year and the both of you ended up walking to dinner afterwards, and subsequently you met Hermione and Ron. It was an inadvertent friendship, but a friendship you cherished nonetheless. Draco’s attention shifted to you sparingly, only bothering to acknowledge your presence if he were to acknowledge Harry’s in a condescending manner. He had never spoken to you directly or aimed a rude comment in your direction. Instead, Draco kept ignoring your presence and sneering at you from a distance if you were with the trio, and you were more than okay with keeping it that way.

That is, until you realized that Draco hadn’t bothered to torment your friends for the past couple of weeks.

Draco kept his eyes to the floor when you passed him in the hallway and didn’t think about making a comment while passing your friends. You had taken notice of Draco’s behavior after having gotten used to his sneering comments and being a bystander to his attitude, and when you vocalized your thoughts about his well being, that was when you inadvertently paid more attention to him.

“I don’t really value the people I surround myself with at the moment,” Draco confessed. He looked over the tower walls as he spoke. “Most of them are just placeholders. Zabini and Nott are an exception and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about Pansy.”

Draco looked back at you and realized your hair wasn’t as damp as it was anymore, and he wondered if you were as cold as you said you were. He shook his head and continued.

“Sometimes I think I’m not cut out for what my father wants me to do.”

You didn’t ask him anything further. “I’m sorry, Draco.”

He shook his head once more. “Being pure-blood isn’t as cracked up as everyone thinks it is. It’s just a bunch of formalities that no one wants to partake in.”

“What do you want to do? After graduating, I mean.”

“I don’t really know,” he said honestly. “I haven’t given it much thought. My life’s plan has been laid out for me by my father and I haven’t considered a life that wasn’t what he wanted.”

“I think you have so much going for you and you just need to find a way to make what you want happen,” you said.

“It’s not that easy--”

“I know,” you interjected. “I know it’s not. But maybe you just need to believe that you can do it.”

Draco paused. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Do sound like a Hufflepuff.”

You rolled your eyes. “I mean it, Draco.”

He looked at you. “No one’s ever asked me what I wanted to do with my life.”

“I can’t say that I’m jealous of your predicament.”

Draco laughed, surprising you. “I would run away if I could.”

You looked at him and the way the moonlight graced his frame. The winds started to pick up and you looked between him and the stairwell.

“This was...nice,” said Draco.

“See?” you teased. “This wasn’t so bad.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he said. “And you know, I think you’re the only person who calls me ‘Draco.’”

“What do you mean?” you asked. “It is your name, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but it’s always ‘Malfoy,’ never ‘Draco.’”

You stood next to him while walking down the stairs and looked at him.

“Oh,” you began, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Draco said quickly. “It’s okay. You can call me ‘Draco.’”

The following few days after meeting him at the Astronomy Tower weren’t as rigid as the first time you met him in the library. The essay was still a project you didn’t look forward to working on, but you weren’t as tense around Draco as you were before. He’d start a conversation with you and had made the effort to ask about your day, and you weren’t sure if this sudden change in attitude was going to last very long.

Much to your surprise, the final days of working on your assignment with him made you think about how much you were going to miss meeting him after the day was over and working with him in private. The library, having always been your safe space, had become much more whenever you’d meet with Draco to work. He’d been less talkative towards your friends even if you were there, but talking to Draco about anything other than schoolwork when night came felt like you were talking to a whole different person.

While his boisterous personality clashed with your innately introverted one, you could easily feel yourself exiting the shell you built around you when talking to people you didn’t know very well. You were surprised at how well you and Draco got along, almost to the point where he’d accompany you to your common room before saying goodnight. The Draco everyone knew was far removed from the Draco that talked with you until late into the night.

In return, Draco could feel himself wondering if he was truly wrong about you. He’d never bothered to get to know Ravenclaws except for past flings, and he certainly never thought to strike up a conversation with you when he knew you were friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. But lately, talking about what he was worried about did him more good than bad. Draco liked to talk about his problems. He liked that you were willing to listen to him, even if you didn’t have the advice he wanted. Draco liked knowing you were there for him and that you wouldn’t tell a soul.

So it surprised you when Draco waved at you from the threshold of the Great Hall while you were sitting with your friends at the Gryffinor table.

“What the bloody hell?” Ron asked you.

“I’d go far to say we’re really good acquaintances,” you stated. “We worked on that essay, remember?”

“Yeah, but isn’t that done and over?”

You rolled your eyes. “You boys are so daft.”

“You mean to tell me you’ve actually gotten to know Malfoy?” Harry asked.

“Well, yes,” you said. “When you work with someone on a big project, you tend to spend a lot of time together.” Harry rolled his eyes at your response.

“As long as you know what you’re doing,” Hermione reassured. “I trust your judgement.”

“Y/N’s gone mad, absolutely mad,” Ron said dramatically. You threw a dinner roll at his chest and he pretended to fall over on the bench, causing Harry to push him back upright.

You could see Draco from over Harry’s shoulder and watched as he averted his attention from Blaise over to where you sat. He gave you a nonchalant smile in the midst of his conversation and you returned it. Draco shook his head and turned his attention back to his friends.

+++

“Draco,” you hissed as he walked much quicker for your liking. “Slow down, will you? I’m like, half your height.”

“Keep up,” he teased.

It was a Saturday afternoon and with Harry and Ron sick, and Hermione wanting to stay in her room to catch up on reading, you had asked Draco if he wanted to do something with you to fill the day. He agreed and met with you after lunch outside of the door but realized he had forgotten his wand.

“I can’t,” you mused. He laughed when he heard you catching your breath. “I can wait out here for you.”

“Nonsense,” Draco said, rolling his eyes. It’ll only take a minute. Just come up.”

You barely had time to register what he said before he pulled you into the Slytherin common room and rushed into his room.

He had his own room, that much you knew, but it was surprisingly neat. There was nothing that seemed out of place except for his wand that lay on his bed. The room was surprisingly welcoming. The walls were adorned with green and black tapestry and the windows had sheer covers that made the room feel more vibrant than you had expected.

“I’m impressed,” you said. “You’re very clean.”

“What, you thought I’d live in absolute filth?” he said laughing as he tucked his wand in his back pocket.

“I don’t know. I just assumed boys are messy. Harry and Ron’s room is a disaster.”

“That’s because they’re Harry and Ron,” Draco replied. You couldn’t disagree. “Are you sure you’re not going to be cold? It’s November and you’re wearing jeans and a collared shirt.”

“Well, I don’t want to walk back to my room,” you said. “I’ll be fine, Draco.”

“Y/N,” he said pointedly. Draco walked past you and fetched a sweatshirt. “Here, put this on.”

“I feel like I’m betraying my house,” you whined. Draco only laughed and watched as you put his jumper on. “How do I look?”

Draco furrowed his eyebrows and looked at your neckline, noticing the collars were stuck in the sweatshirt. He reached out to fix it and he realized just how short your stature was compared to his. You felt his fingers brush the back of your neck when he fixed your collar and you mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’ when he was finished.

“Better now,” he whispered.

The weekend passed by much quicker than you had liked and you found yourself on Monday morning, unable to get out of bed. Hermione pulled the covers off of you when she noticed Draco’s sweater hanging from the back of your chair. You hadn’t thought much about the day, other than Dumbledore giving students a week of free dress, and decided to put his sweater over a t-shirt. When you sat at the Gryffindor table with a green sweatshirt, Ron’s eyes nearly burst out.

“First you betray your house by sitting with us, and now you betray us by wearing a Slytherin jumper?” Ron asked. You looked down and saw that you had put on Draco’s sweater. After spending time with him, he had told you to keep it with you until he saw you next, fearing that you’d become too cold despite him having walked you back to your common room.

“If you must know,” you began, “he told me to return it when I saw him next. I forgot I had it until you pointed it out.”

“You mean you didn’t see it when you put it on?”

You groaned. “It’s Monday and I’m absolutely exhausted, Ronald.”

Draco hadn’t noticed you when he entered the hall, engrossed in a conversation with Theo. But when he sat at his table and looked to see where you chose to seat yourself, he saw his green sweater adorned on your body and did a double take. He choked on his morning tea and looked away from his friends, who offered him looks of concern, and brushed it off as going down the wrong pipe. He stole glances during breakfast, noticing your tired eyes and how unfocuse you were around your friends. Draco wished he could sit next to you and ask if you were doing alright.

“Are you coming to the game?” Draco heard Ron ask you when he exited the hall. “You can watch us beat Slytherin to the next century.”

“I just hope both teams have fun,” you said matter-of-factly.

“You’re no fun,” he retorted.

+++

Gryffindor had just won a quidditch match against Slytherin and they invited anyone who wanted to get their lips wet. As an honorary Gryffindor yourself, Ron was expecting you to be there to celebrate the win with him and the rest of your friends. Harry had ultimately won the game by catching the snitch, but Ron had done a remarkable job at preventing Slytherin from scoring any goals. The win meant a party in the Gryffindor common room and you were no exception.

“Here’s to Harry!” Ron shouted when you walked downstairs, tipsy from the three shots Hermione had taken with you prior to arriving.

The strappy heels you wore nearly cost you your balance when a group of girls ran past you, but Hermione was quick to catch your arm and steady you. The exceptionally short dress—your only party dress—seemed to be a bit of an overstatement when you realized most people were wearing skirts or jeans.

“Hush,” Hermione said when you looked around the room. “You look better than everyone here and you know it.”

“I’m going to try not to feel like I stick out like a sore thumb,” you said confidently, pushing your chest out in false bravado. Hermione enthusiastically clapped her hands twice and held your hand when leading you through the crowd of Gryffindors.

“Oi, Y/N,” said Harry, who stood bashfully between Ron and another girl. “Drink up.”

“It’s like you want me to get drunk,” you joked before you drank what little liquid was left in his cup. You grimaced and Ron laughed.

“That’s a particularly rough one,” he said. “Freddie and George are in charge of drinks tonight.”

“Figures,” you said as you handed him back his cup.

“A shot of firewhisky for you,” said Harry, handing you a shot glass. “And wine to follow.”

“You are a terrible influence,” Hermione said.

“Y/N’s rarely ever here after a Gryffindor win and you know how fun she is when she’s drunk,” Ron interjected. “Besides, she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to drink.”

“Fair point, Weasley,” you replied, drinking the firewhisky. “But I warn you that wanting to drink as much as I am right now is probably not gonna happen any time soon.”

Ron shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.”

An hour and a half into the night, you find yourself alone with an empty cup in your hand. The table next to you is littered with glasses and discarded food wrappers, and you add your cup to the pile. The common room is still as busy as it was when you arrived but everyone seemed too intoxicated to pay attention when you slid out the door.

Your steps echoed on the floors of the castle and you winced at how loud they were. Bracing yourself against a wall, you idly took off your shoes with a bit of a struggle before gathering yourself and continuing on your path.

You hadn’t done much exploring without the commotion of students during the daytime. The grand walls seemed much taller because of your inebriated state and the paintings that hung seemed like they were much bigger than they were.

It was when you were nearly about to trip over your feet when you heard your name being called.

“Y/N?”

You turned around to see Draco. He wore grey sweatpants and a form fitting black turtleneck with a green washcloth in his hand. He looked exhausted from earlier but the handsome blond looked at you with a quizzical expression.

“May I ask why you’re walking around the castle late at night?” he asked, amused at your drunken state.

“Well, I was at the Gryffindor common room because of their win–sorry–and we all got really drunk really fast,” you explained, attempting to distribute your weight between your legs for balance. “It got really hot inside and all of my friends who were nowhere to be found, so here I am!”

Draco raised his eyebrow. “And you thought you’d walk around the castle, well after curfew, barefoot?”

“Not barefoot,” you said, holding up your heels. “They got really loud.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t take them off beforehand. Pansy’s always talking about how much they hurt when they wear them.”

“I think I’m too drunk to care,” you said with a shrug. You walked by the common room entrance and dropped your heels near the wall, dropping to floor level.

Draco watched as you slid down the wall with ease and closed your eyes for a brief moment. He watched as you tried to fix your dress to an appropriate position and chuckled when you took your hair down from its ponytail; you looked relaxed, less high strung than he was used to.

“Are you planning on staying there all night?” Draco asked, looking at your spot on the floor. He stepped in front of you and nudged your leg with the tip of his shoes.

“You wear Oxfords to the bathroom?” you asked, inspecting the black shoe.

Draco rolled his eyes. “It was the only thing near enough to slip on. It’s genuine Italian leather, you know. One of the Muggle’s greatest gifts.”

“I wasn’t aware you owned anything made by Muggles.” Draco shrugged. He stepped beside you and joined you on the floor.

“You’ve got more to learn about me, I suppose.”

It was quiet for a moment. You looked at the wall in front of you and your thoughts overtook your attention. It seemed as though a plethora of thoughts were racing through your mind and you were having a hard time picking one to talk about. Draco seemed to notice your absent expression and nudged your shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Me?” you asked.

“Yes, you,” said Draco. “You’re the only one here besides me.”

“Oh,” you said, nodding, “yes. That’s correct.”

“So, what are you thinking about?”

“Where do I begin?” you breathed. “I think my first qualm is about what I’m going to do after graduation. I have no bloody idea what I want to do with my life and it seems like everyone has their shit figured out.”

“I can guarantee you that you are absolutely not alone in thinking that,” Draco said, his voice producing a slight echo in the empty hallway.

“Second, I’m eternally grateful that I’ve persevered through all of my hardest tests.”

“You’re the smartest girl I know,” he replied.

You looked pensive, looking at your hands and picking at your nails. The biggest of your qualms was about your lack of experience in the love department and how awkward you felt whenever Harry, Ron, or Hermione would bring up dates or anything of the sort. Even Hermione, who was just as much of a bookworm and a stickler for rules as you were, seemed to enjoy a casual date or two every once in a while and saw no issue in sharing a kiss at parties. Yet you found yourself awkwardly sitting in your seat, unable to contribute to their conversation, forced to listen to their escapades.

“Lastly…” you trailed off.

“Lastly?”

You shook your head. “It’s dumb.” Draco looked at you from where he sat and shook his head.

“Nothing you say is dumb, Y/N.”

“Well, I guess my last qualm is how I feel absolutely behind when it comes to relationships and I feel so stupid for being the only person I know who hasn’t held hands without it being platonic.”

“What?” Draco asked, his eyes widening in surprise. “You’ve never had your first kiss?”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” you frowned. He shook his head relentlessly.

“I’m not making fun of you,” Draco reassured. “Just a bit surprised, is all.”

“Why’s that?” You looked up at him from where you sat.

He didn’t miss a beat. “You’re very outgoing when you want to be and I can’t name a single person who’s ever said anything bad about you. You are the quintessential Ravenclaw, yes, but you adapt so easily to other people. You make people feel like they have a friend, Y/N.”

Draco wasn’t sure if he was projecting. You were too drunk to notice.

“I don’t know.”

“I’m being serious.” Draco turned to look at you. “It doesn’t matter, okay?”

“Easy for you to say that,” you scoffed. “You’ve taken Pansy to the Yule Ball loads of times and I know you’ve kissed loads of girls. Don’t even try to lie to me.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make me any better than you.”

“But it makes you more experienced.”

“So what?” Draco asked. “Why rush yourself into these things? Who cares about this stuff when other people like you for you?”

“I hate that this is an insecurity because I like the way I am,” you begin, “but it’s really hard to stop comparing myself to other girls when everyone I’ve grown up with has done all of these things but I haven’t.” You laugh at yourself. “I don’t think a guy has ever expressed any interest in me.”

“That’s not true,” Draco said instantaneously. You laughed again.

“It is though,” you replied. “I thought Dean Thomas was hitting on me but he just wanted me to help him get an A on the first exam of the year. That’s about it, really. So I’ve gathered that guys really aren’t that interested in me.”

Draco looked at you. “Y/N, that’s not true.”

It was quiet for a moment while you tried to understand what Draco said. He could see the gears turning in your head as you tried to decipher what he said. He knew that if it weren’t for your inebriated state, you might’ve caught onto what he said before he was about to say it.

But you sighed and put your head on his shoulder, bringing your knees to your chest.

“Well anyway, I just wanted to get some air. I love Gryffindors but they’re so loud.”

Draco let out a hearty laugh and looked at you. He watched as you smiled in triumph when making him laugh, something he knew you were secretly trying to do ever since you proposed getting to know one another.

“I really like hearing you laugh,” you said.

“Why’s that?”

“You don’t brood as much.”

“I do not brood.”

“Yes you do.”

“Agree to disagree,” Draco said, recovering from his laugh.

“I’m cold,” you said abruptly. Draco watched as you attempted to warm up by rubbing your arms with your hands.

“Should’ve brought a jacket,” he teased.

“Shut up,” you retorted. “We can’t all be wearing sweatpants and a turtleneck.”

Before Draco could register what was about to happen, he put his arm around you and pulled your body close to his.

His body is pure warmth. The hands that adorn silver rings are now warm with heat and the fabric of his turtleneck provides a bit of warmth, but the blush that sits on your cheek provides the most heat. Perhaps it’s because your ability to turn exceptionally red while drinking, but you know it’s because your thigh touched his. Without thinking much of it, you move yourself to Draco’s lap sideways with the help of liquid courage and the need to be held like you’d die if you weren’t warm.

Draco’s eyes widened in surprise because he did not anticipate that he would be this close to you. He’s dreamt about it and fantasized about how your body would feel next to his. Draco’s gone so far as to dream about what it would feel like to hold your hand in the middle of the hallway without a care in the world, but he always thought he’d gradually build up the momentum before you found your way onto his lap.

But Draco didn’t push you off. He put his arm around you and used his free hand to caress the side of your cheek, brushing stray strands of hair from your face.

“That feels really good,” you said, your eyes looking up at Draco in bliss.

“Yeah?” He cooed softly.

“Yeah,” you replied.

“You’ve never held hands before?” Draco asked.

You shook your head. “Not romantically.”

Draco dropped his hand from your cheek and lifted your own, intertwining your fingers with his.

“You’ve never held hands like this?”

You shook your head again.

“Not like this,” you whispered.

Draco smiled at your bashful expression, liking the way you’ve gone slack against his body. He liked that you were trying to hide a smile by biting your lip and liked the way you buried your face into his chest when you caught him looking at you.

“Don’t get bashful on me now, Y/N,” Draco laughed.

“I’m shy,” you mumbled into his chest.

“My shy girl,” he said, squeezing your hand.

He didn’t think life could get any sweeter than that. He looked down at you and watched as your eyes flickered from his eyes down to his lips, and followed the voice in his head that told him to kiss you.

Draco put his lips on yours and wondered why he hadn’t done that sooner.

+++

When Hermione realized you were missing, she panicked and asked Ron and Harry if they’d seen you. Feeling guilty for briefly leaving you to say hello to a friend, and subsequently forgetting to introduce the two of you because of her equally intoxicated state, Hermione looked around the common room before marching her way into her dormitory. Your presence is gone and Hermione’s heart was pounding with regret, wanting nothing more than to apologize to you.

She found her way to the Ravenclaw common room, asking Cho if you had come back from the party. Cho, who almost always knew if you were in your room or not, told Hermione that you hadn’t come back and assumed you were with her. Hermione thanked Cho for her time and chose to walk throughout the castle to look for you.

You were nowhere to be found. Hermione first tried to find you in your favorite spots to no avail and was about to give up, opting to apologize to you when you were both sober in the morning, when she heard voices from the opposite hallway.

Quietly, Hermione peered around the corner and watched as you sat on Draco’s lap. She could barely hear the two of you talking through hushed whispers. Hermione watched Draco’s hand stroke your hair while your body rested on his chest. You toyed with his free hand, inspecting his fingers as you spoke.

Hermione was nearly ready to make her presence known from the corner she was hiding in until she heard Draco laugh boisterously at something you had said, his head hitting the back wall from trying to catch his breath. You smiled up at him in awe and watched as he failed to quiet himself, and when Draco had caught his breath, he pulled you in for a quick embrace. Hermione watched as you looked at him as if he had painted the stars in the sky for you.

When classes resumed the following week, you had been accompanied by Harry, Ron, and Hermione after spending lunch in the Great Hall.

“Hey, Y/N!” Draco shouted from behind you. The four of you turned your head until Draco pulled you by the hand towards himself and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. Harry and Ron gasped, unsure of how to react to their best friend kissing Draco.

When Draco ultimately pulled away, he gave your hand a squeeze and went in for another brief kiss.

“Come sit with me at dinner?” he asked.

“Of course,” you said, squeezing his hand. He smiled at you before turning to address your friends.

“Harry, Ron, Hermione,” he said, nodding at the three of them. Hermione waved politely as Harry and Ron looked at him walking away.

“What in the hell…” Ron trailed off.

“You and Malfoy?” Harry asked.

“If you two used your eyes, you’d see that she and Draco have been pining after each other for so long,” Hermione said, rolling her eyes before looking at you. “Daft, I tell you.”

“Keep it up, Y/N,” said Ron. “I want him to be nice to me all the time.”

“Boys,” you muttered.

But you didn’t want to change a single thing.

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x oc #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy #draco malfoy angst #harry potter #draco malfoy fanfiction #idk what to tag this lol #also winter is approaching and i'm in my harry potter feels #ily draco!!!#please read this lmao i wrote it for fun

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cosmiclove-heavenstruck · 4 years ago

Text

Midnight Quidditch Games | Harry Potter

Pairing: Harry Potter x Gryffindor!Reader (written with a female reader in mind, though the gender is not stated)

Wordcount: 3800 words

Warnings: none, just fluff and friends-to-lovers

Summary: Fred and George come up with the idea of hosting illegal Quidditch Games for all four houses every Friday night. Harry convinces Reader to play with him and they end up on the same broom.

a/n: No Voldemort Au, set in Harry's fifth year. English is not my native language, so there might be spelling/grammar mistakes. (Based on a headcanon by @/ murphcooper on tumblr)

Friday was my favourite day of the week, and there were two reasons for that: One, it was the start of the weekend, and two, we played Quidditch.

Up until fifth year, the most I had to do with the popular wizarding sport was cheering at the official school games for the Gryffindor team and attending the Quidditch World Cup in 1994. Then Fred and George came up with a very illegal, yet very exciting and fun idea, which was to host unofficial Quidditch games in the middle of the night that any student could attend. Whether it were First Years who could barely fly, or simple people that never made it onto their house's team, anyone was welcome.

The twins had planned it the first two months of their sixth year together with Quidditch fans from the other houses and had created lists for every common room, which wouldn't be readable by the teachers or Filch.

“It's illegal! What if something happens? What if someone gets hurt, how do you want to explain that to Dumbledore, or worse, to Professor McGonagall,” Hermione argued as soon as Fred and George had prompted their idea to us one Sunday evening.

“I'm disappointed. Do you really think we would work that sloppy?”, Fred asked.

“The house elves are in,” George explained. “Which means free food and free healthcare, all in one!”

“Awesome,” Ron said, and he should be proven right.

The only rules to attend were the duty to remain silent and to come in your pyjamas, just for the sake of it. Gryffindors and Ravenclaws would be playing against Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, Lee Jordan would be commenting as always and because Madam Hooch wasn't available, Hermione would be our judge. This was decided unanimously.

The first two games had occurred at the end of November, and they had been a complete mess. We had to raise the number of players on each team so everyone who wanted to play fit in, which led to three Keepers, six Chasers, four Beaters and two Seekers for each house. Furthermore, there had been a dozen of first years who couldn't fly yet and who had to be taught by voluntaries.

Those first two Friday nights I had spent with Lee, Hermione, Luna and Dobby on the commentary stand, cheering and eating chocolate biscuits. Once in a while, I had thrown a biscuit in the air for Harry to catch.

Because of the bone-chilling cold and pitch-black darkness brought by the Scottish winter, Fred and George had invented glass bulbs which carried bright orange, warm fire and hovered over the Quidditch pitch.

With the first Friday of December approaching, the excitement grew bigger and it was basically the only topic during every meal. Now that the rules and positions had set and the First Years could fly, we were awaiting the first serious game – as serious as playing Quidditch in pyjamas with Hermione as a judge could be.

“You have to play, too,” Harry said to me during lunch on Friday. My friends had tried all week to persuade me to play instead of only keeping Hermione company, while I had constantly declined.

“Yes, come on,” Ron agreed. “We know you can fly, you played with us this summer.”

“No, no way.” I shook my head and pulled the pumpkin juice jug closer.

“Why not?”, Harry asked, covering my glass with his hand. I raised my eyebrows, but he only grinned, which made my stomach tingle. But I glossed over the unwanted feeling and shoved his hand away.

“Because all positions are filled. And besides that, I would be a terrible Chaser,” I answered. “Or a terrible anything, really.”

“You could play as a Seeker,” Hermione suggested and poured herself a drink. “You're good at noticing details.”

“But Harry and that boy from third year are playing as Gryffindor Seeker,” I reminded her, cutting my toast in half.

“You could fly with Harry,” She said plainly. I stared at her with wide eyes. I should had known the moment I had told Hermione about my not-so-tiny crush on Harry that it had been a bad idea. Now she did what I should had expected: Trying to set me up with him.

“No, I – no.”

“But I wouldn’t mind,” Harry said. “And if you don't like it, I can drop you off at the stands again. Come on Y/N, say yes.” He nudged my shoulder, looking at me with sweetest puppy eyes. I couldn't say no to him, he knew that. I sighed.

“Fine.”

A content smile lit up on his face. “Brilliant.”

Around half past nine, we made our way out of the castle and down to the Quidditch pitch. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred and George, as well as a dozen other Gryffindor students had their brooms shouldered, following me and Hermione through the dimly lit corridors.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I whispered, tapping the Marauders Map, which soon revealed Hogwarts’ grounds, ink lines flowing over the parchment. Filch was strolling around in his office, and so was Snape. McGonagall’s ink dot hovered in the East tower of the Fourth Floor. “Everything’s clear, but keep quiet,” I informed the others.

Hermione linked her arms with me.

“How are you?”, She asked, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Shut up. What was that at lunch?”

“Oh, come on, I just said what you were thinking. Everybody knows you have a thing for each other,” She said, and I quickly turned to make sure Harry was still talking to Dean and Ginny. Hermione chuckled. “I made a bet with Ginny that you will kiss after catching the Snitch together,” She added.

I swirled back around. “You what?”

“But Ginny thinks you'll snog in a broom closet afterwards.”

Before I could reply anything, Harry had caught up with us.

“What are you two whispering about?”, He asked, leaning closer so I could smell his deodorant.

“Nothing,” I said and was glad that the darkness hid my tinted cheeks. Hermione let herself fall back, leaving Harry and me alone at the front of the group.

“You're a terrible liar,” He said.

“Says you. Remember last year when we had detention with Snape –”

Harry wrapped his left arm around my shoulders, pulling me unintentionally closer, and placed his hand over my mouth to stop me from talking any further.

“You promised you'd take that to the grave.”

I grinned and pulled his hand away, though his arm stayed around me.

We made it out of the castle without any inconveniences, thanks to Peeves, who – on orders from the twins – created some chaos in the trophy room and distracted McGonagall.

We were the first to reach the pitch, and Harry unlocked the door under the stands with the key on the necklace around his neck, which led to the changing rooms and the spare brooms. Fred and George had stored the fire bulbs under a loose floorboard and were now freeing them so they could fly over the pitch. Hermione directed her wand towards the sky, sending out a Muffliato Charm, then winked at me and climbed up to the commentary stand with Lee.

In the meantime, the other houses arrived; the Hufflepuffs were followed by a tiny body of house elves carrying fast food on tablets over their heads. They spread over the stands, consorting with the students watching the game and providing them with hot meals and drinks.

“Welcome back everyone!”, Lee's voice echoed over the pitch and the crowd cheered. “And also welcome to everyone new here who wants to play or just likes to break the rules.”

“Hello from me too. We have some new players I want to introduce,” Hermione continued. “Marina Florence playing Keeper for Slytherpuff, Arthur Mitchell deputizing for Gryffinclaw’s Chaser Demelza Robbins, who is currently stationed in the hospital wing, and Y/N playing Seeker for Gryffinclaw together with Harry Potter.”

“That's ridiculous! Since when are we playing in pairs?!”, Draco yelled out of the crowd of Slytherin players.

“Since I'm making the rules, you daft idiot!”, Hermione called back, and laughing echoed over the field. Ron's language was clearly leaving a mark on her. “Now get on your brooms, everyone!”

“Make sure you don't slip off your broom in those silk pyjamas, Malfoy, ” Fred snickered loudly, and Draco held up his middle finger.

Slowly, the huge crowd of players on the pitch flew up into the air, positioning themselves on the right spots. I turned to Harry, who climbed on his broom. That was the part I had avoided to think about all afternoon: How would we fly on that thing together?

My heart drummed so loudly against my ribcage it was a miracle he couldn't hear it. We were friends, I reminded myself. And I would not ruin this friendship for the sake of some stupid feelings.

“Come on, Y/N,” Harry said, stretching out his hand. I grabbed it, and he helped me to climb onto his Firebolt, so that I was sitting in front of him. His fingers gripped around the broom stick, not very far from where I had placed my hands.

“You alright?”, He asked and I nodded.

“Brilliant,” I said, and he chuckled. He then wrapped his left arm around my waist before he kicked us off the ground and the Firebolt shot through the cold night air. My back got pressed against his chest, his knees squeezing my thighs, and out of shock, I held onto his arm around me.

I hadn't flown since last summer, and even then it had only been on Ron's old broomstick a few feet above the earth. This here was the complete opposite: Harry's Firebolt was a hundred times faster, and it barely took us three seconds to be the ones flying the highest over the stadium.

“I got you, everything's fine,” Harry said somewhere close to my ear as he had noticed my hand clenched around his arm, and a warm shiver ran down my spin. I looked down on the Quidditch pitch.

“It never looks that high when I’m down there,” I said.

“Are you afraid of heights?”, He asked, but I shook my head.

“No.” Not with you. I could feel his heart beating against my back and absently stroked over his hand on my waist, until Hermione's voice ripped me out of my thoughts.

“Okay, I want a fair game and no injuries, is that clear? And show some respect to the youngest players! Now ready, steady, GO!” With a wave of her wand, the trunk with the Quidditch balls snapped open and the Quaffle flew high into the air, followed by two Bludgers. For a short moment, I saw the Golden Snitch, then it rushed off into the darkness.

“So, what do we do now? Any secret strategies?”, I asked.

“No,” Harry answered, placing his chin on my shoulder. “We just wait and watch.”

A tingling warmth spread through my body at the subtle touch. Gently, Harry steered the broom around the pitch, while the others beneath us played.

“Katie wins the Quaffle – passes to Montgomery – Rick close to score, come on – YES, Gryffinclaw scores 10 points!”, Lee bellowed and loud applause erupted. “And Slytherpuff in possession – Blaise with the Quaffle – Josephine Gordon from Hufflepuff takes over, excellent Chaser that girl, and rather attractive – OW, I'm just stating facts!”

Hermione had smacked Lee on the back of his head.

“Anyways, Blaise in possession once again – now First Year Conan Ivory – Smith overtakes – and he scores. Ron, look at the Quaffle, not at Hermione – OW! – But Gryffinclaw still leads – Ginny overtakes – fights off some Slytherins – hey, careful Harry, Bludger coming your way –”

Harry quickly leaned over me and the Firebolt dropped a few meters, dodging the Bludger rushing over our heads. George (or Fred?) darted after the ball, calling a quick “Watch it, lovebirds!” at us, and hit the Bludger towards a Slytherin Chaser.

The other twin was close behind, shouting “Less snogging, more seeking!”

“Shut it!”, I yelled. For Merlin's sake, did everyone knew about my crush? Was it really that obvious for everyone except Harry? Not that I wanted him to find out – he would be embarrassed, he didn't think of us as anything other than friends.

Harry's arm slipped from my waist and he cleared his throat, but a broomstick did not provide much space, wherefore his chest was still pressed against my back and I could feel his rather fast heartbeat.

“Do you, uhm... want me to drop you off?”, He asked.

“Oh. Uh, no,” I said, trying to turn so I could face him, “I like it, but if you want to –”

“No! No, I just thought...” Harry’s eyes danced over my face like they had never before and we were quite close.

“ – Applebee has the Quaffle - and that's a score! Sixty to sixty!”, Lee called, and Hermione blew her silver whistle. I ripped my eyes off of Harry and looked down to the commentary stand. “Now, we’re gonna have a short break, because Dobby thinks you're gonna starve otherwise. All the first and second years are asked to go back to their dorms, because it's almost midnight – don't complain to me –”

Harry carefully steered his Firebolt back to the ground where he landed near Ron and Ginny. I climbed off and was glad to be spared an awkward conversation, because Ginny grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side of the pitch. The sudden loss of Harry's warm chest made me shiver.

“Now, have you ever thought about making out in a broom closet?”, She asked, a mischievous grin on her reddened face. I rolled my eyes at her.

“Hermione told me about the bet, so don't even try! No one's gonna make out in a broom closet,” I said.

“Except you and Harry,” Ginny replied. I opened my mouth to talk back, but was interrupted.

“What’s going on with you and Harry?” Cho had caught up to us, snatching a plate with fish and chips from a tablet an house elf carried through the crowd. “I have watched you, it's adorable, honestly.”

“First off, there's nothing to be adorable,” I said and stole a fry from her plate, “and second, you are supposed to watch the Snitch, not us.”

“So is Harry, but he only has eyes for you.” Cho smiled and tapped my nose with her finger. Ginny giggled and ate a piece of fried fish. In the same moment, Hermione breathlessly jogged up to us.

“What – were – you – waiting – for?”, She panted. I furrowed my brows.

“Huh?” Hermione sighed and shook her head.

“You were this close to kiss him, why didn't you do anything?”

“Is my love life this much more interesting the Quidditch game?!”

All three girls answered “Yes” in union.

“But he doesn't feel the same way for me!”, I argued. “We are friends –”

Ginny grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around. “Do friends look at each other that way? I don’t think so.”

Harry stood a few feet away with Ron, Seamus and Dean, though he seemed not to listen to their conversations and instead stared over at us. At me. When he realised he had been caught, he waved shyly and almost spilled his pumpkin juice. I waved back at him before turning to the girls again, all of whom were looking temporising at me.

“Oh, I – I don't know. Even if you're right, I can't just kiss him out of nowhere on his broom.”

“No, you gotta snog him in a broom closet so I get my Galleon,” Ginny said smugly, and Hermione nudged her with her elbow and looked at her watch, before blowing her whistle again.

“Everyone back on their positions, break's over!” Then Hermione shot me a serious look. “Get the boy, we're all done of you pining over one another. Ron can get the other boys to crash somewhere else, if you need the dorm.”

“Hermione!”, I gasped, but she was already rushing back to the commentary stand.

“Good luck,” Cho said, and Ginny winked. I glared at them before making my way over to where the Gryffindor boys stood. I saw how Ron said something to Harry, patted his shoulder and flew off.

Harry turned to me, smiling. His hair was even messier than usual due to the wind, and he had put on a black hoodie over his pyjamas. He looked cute and hot at the same time, and I couldn't quite believe that he was supposed to like me back.

“Do you want to – or?”, He asked.

“Yeah,” I smiled and he got on his Firebolt, making space in front of him for me.

“Good. I mean –” He cleared his throat as I climbed on his broom. The next second, we were high up in the air, his chest against my back again.

“Okay, guys, game's on again! Go!”, Hermione shouted and waved her wand at the Quaffle, which flew upwards and was caught by Ginny instantly.

“And we're back – Katie passes the Quaffle to Valentina – She flawlessly dodges a Bludger – Back to Peters, almost made it onto the Ravenclaw team – and he scores! SEVENTY TO SIXTY.”

I took a deep breath and leaned back against Harry, watching the game unfold. He propped his chin back onto my right shoulder, like an unspoken routine.

“I think I'm gonna play again next Friday,” I said out of the blue.

“Really?”, He asked, sounding surprised. I smiled. The crowd underneath us cheered.

“Yes. If you save me a place on your broomstick.” I turned to look at him, and he smiled brightly at me. We were as close as earlier, maybe even closer. I held my breath, until I noticed something small and golden buzzing through the air behind Harry, illuminated by one of the fire bulbs.

“There!” I pointed at the Golden Snitch, and Harry's head spun around to assure himself.

“Do you trust me?”, He asked.

“Of course,” I replied. Instantly, his hand was back around my waist and he yanked the Firebolt around.

“ – Seamus throws the Quaffle to Dean – Dean passes Nott – and he scores! NINTHY TO EIGHTY FOR GRYFFINCLAW! And Potter seems to have spotted the Snitch, Draco, Cedric and Cho close behind – Come on, show them what that Firebolt can do!”, Lee's voice roared from somewhere deep down, but my eyes were glued onto the Snitch: It whirred through the ice cold December air and up to the left ring of the Slytherpuff team.

Malfoy had almost caught up to us; even though the Firebolt was the fastest broomstick on the market, it was obviously slower when carrying two people instead of one.

The Snitch twirled around the pole, then dropped down and headed for the floor. Harry followed, and now we where almost vertically flying downwards. Because of the sudden shift of direction, I swore loudly and clenched my hands tighter around the broom.

“I won't let you fall, I promise,” Harry called over air rushing past us.

“I know, but a warning would have been nice!”, I yelled back, and he chuckled.

The weight of two people on one broomstick also meant that we got dragged downwards way faster, which meant we were outdistancing Malfoy. The Golden Snitch took a sharp right turn and now buzzed two meters above the ground to the other side of the pitch.

“You have to catch it!”, Harry yelled.

“WHAT? No, I can't –”

“Yes, you can! I have to steer!” And hold you. But he did not say that. I swore under my breath and carefully loosened one hand from the broomstick, stretching it forward. The Snitch was inches away from my fingertips and I pushed myself up, Harry's grip around my mid tightening. The silver wings touched my fingers, I stretched my arm further and in the same moment my hands clasped around the tiny, golden ball, we fell forward.

“ – And that doesn't look – Oh, Potter and Y/L/N are on the ground. I can't really see, if someone caught the Snitch –”

As one tangled mess, we landed on the frozen lawn, rolling over one another and stopping with Harry half on top of me. My whole body ached and I would definitely get bruises from the fall, but that was something I could worry about later. I caught the Snitch!

“Shit, sorry, fuck. Y/N, are you alright?” Harry's face hovered over me, a bloody scratch on his cheek. I grinned happily and held up the golden ball.

“Yeah, more than alright.”

“Y/N caught the Snitch! TWOHUNDRED AND FORTY TO EIGHTY! Gryffinclaw wins!”, Lee bellowed and the crowd cheered and applauded loudly. Harry held out one hand to help me up, and I took it.

“I'm sorry, I know I promised, but I couldn't hold you any longer and –”

“Shut up.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips. My hands found their way into his raven hair, and he hugged my waist, pulling me so tightly his fingers almost touched his own rips with the opposite hand. I kissed him, and he was kissing me back; it felt like someone had lit a firework in my heart, and for one marvellous moment, we were the only two people in the whole wide world.

Then the other players landed on the field, and we broke apart, catching our breaths. We were both grinning, and I felt drunk from the cold night and catching the Snitch and kissing Harry.

The raven haired boy bent down to kiss me once more, this time softer, and he intertwined our fingers before leading us over to our friends, where Ginny flicked a Galleon into Hermione's open hand.

“Took you long enough,” Ron said, who had both his and Harry's broomstick shouldered.

“Well, they got around in the end,” Cho added, leaning against Cedric, his chin propped on her head. “Sleepover at the Ravenclaw dorm?”, She added, and we all nodded in agreement.

While Fred, George and Lee collected the fire bulbs and Quidditch balls, and the house elves cleaned up the dirt with a snap of their fingers, we made our way back to the Hogwarts castle:

Ron alongside Hermione, followed by Seamus and Dean arm-in-arm, Cho with Cedric, one arm around her waist, Ginny carrying a tired Luna on her back, and lastly, Harry and me, holding hands.

“You know, I'm glad I agreed to play with you,” I said. Harry smiled.

“Yeah, me too.” He pressed a kiss on my cheek. In spite of the shivering cold, I had never felt more warm and comfortable than in this moment.

#fluff #my writing #oneshot #harry potter #harry potter x reader #harry james potter x reader #harry james potter #no voldemort au #quidditch

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