#also was so important to me to see so many trans ppl in one place and have gerard wave the flag around

[vamptastic]

occasionally i sit there and just have a holy fuck i saw mcr LIVE in 2022 dude moment. i was THERE. i saw and met and talked to so many cool people and heard so many of my favorite songs and went to possibly the worst breakfast joint in north florida and dehydrated myself to impressive levels and somebody drove a HEARSE to the VENUE. dude. i was 17!!!! i got to do that as a teenager! like this band that was so important to so many adults when they were my age, that got them to the place they are now, managed to do the same thing for me years after they broke up and now they're back and i'm experiencing it right alongside the people they saved. also they're just so fucking good live, i don't think i realized how much metal influence they really have esp ray until i heard it in person, the music really sounds completely different in a way you can't capture in recordings. i spent the whole summer leading up to it with their albums keeping me company at my lonely ass internship, watching the tour from afar never thinking id get to go, and then i actually went and saw and participated in it and they've only gotten more important to me since then. just, man, mcr is everything.

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[junkjounral]

June 14, 2023

ואהבת לרעך כמוך

V'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha, Love your neighbor as yourself

Under the read more are translations and transliterations for all the Hebrew, and more info abt this journal entry.

In the center: V'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha, Love your neighbor as yourself.

Top left: Sh'mirat halashon, Guarding one's use of language

Bottom left: Shalom bayit, Peace in the home

In the apple: B'tzelem elohim, In G-d's image

Bottom right: Al tifrosh min hatzibur, Do not separate yourself from the community

Middle right: Kavod, respect

Top right: Kol yisrael arevim zeh bazeh, All Israel is responsible for one another.

I normally don't give any explanations of my journal entries when I post them, even the ones that were v special and meaningful to me, bc i want ppl to bring whatever they have to it (or just have fun looking at stuff on the internet!). but this is one i thought long and hard abt posting at all, and i decided that if i was going to then i'd like ppl to know what it means for me even if they see smth else when they look at it. going into every little detail would be overkill, but i'll give the highlights.

i'm a trans jewish person who is hella involved at my shul, helping organize events, starting new initiatives, and being in various leadership roles. i have been openly trans there for a number of years now (basically since i first discovered it myself). important to the story, though, is i haven't taken part in any sort of medical transition yet. someone else trans and jewish who has also been at my shul many years is leaving bc of harassment they've faced since coming out and transitioning. a lot of ppl have come outta the woodwork to make their disapproval known and to just be disrespectful overall, and i think i no longer have a place in that community.

so, while making this journal entry i was thinking about intersections btwn judaism, community, transness, and transformation/change. and grief i'm feeling at this loss. and irony abt this all coming to a head during pride month. how are our jewish values being neglected, and where are they present? what does it mean for me to be jewish as a queer person? what does it mean for me to be jewish if i'm leaving this community? where am i going to go? what if i don't go to a diff shul and only engage w community elsewhere? what ramifications does that have for my practice?

it was a lot of wrestling. and i'm gonna continue to wrestle.

[tra-archive]

Hey i'm the previous anon, and i think you missed some point. İntersectionality is important as you say, but whilst trans women hold the power (or seems like) by the virtue of being born male, transitioning is something that dismisses that power. I think it's somehing that's different from things like, as you said, race. A white woman's white privilege does not goes away by the virtue of her being a woman. But after transition, a trans woman's male privilege goes. For example, a friend of mine is trans. She faces misogyny in her field, and she if she were to go and say them she's trans they would not go "oh, sorry, my mistake!!!". They would probs react with disgust but contunie their misogyny nonetheless. I know this specific thing happens because she passes, but even before she passed, people didn't treat her like a with the respect they would do to a guy at all. Not even with the respect they would treat to a gnc guy.

Btw ik some ppl might see it and think the reverse happens to trans men, but from what i seem, it does not!! From my observations, privilege in regards to gender -and transitioning- is something that can very easily taken away. But isnt given.

This is gonna be kind of long, so I’ll put a read more.

I appreciate you outlining that so well! I do think a fully passing trans person wouldn’t be recognized as male and thus not have some of the male privileges in places like work, as you said.

However I guess when I bring up privilege, one of the main things they have privilege in that we don’t is reproductive rights. All female people, even those who can’t get pregnant, are affected by those rights getting taken away (just wait until November when Trump inevitably wins, I guarantee there will be more than just abortion taken away). But since trans women are male, they do not face the same danger as we do in this area. Also not ever having to deal with periods is a privilege in itself, considering the stigma and misinformation surrounding periods and also the struggle many women have to buy products. This is where the male privilege is.

I also wanted to point out that- and not all trans people are like this, I’m aware- many MTFs have expressed that experiencing misogyny is affirming to them and actually makes them feel slightly happy because it’s a sign of passing. While I understand how debilitating dysphoria is and I know that it’s awful to deal with, being able to see a “bright side” of misogyny is a privilege. A male person didn’t have to grow up with misogyny surrounding them, while a female person does. So there is a privilege in being able to feel affirmed by oppression.

But I mean yeah it’s not a simple thing to think about and discuss, like you said. Passing trans people have privileges in some areas but lose them in others. Intersectionality and not living in an echo chamber is important to me so I’m always up for hearing other perspectives (as long as you aren’t an asshole about it).

Sorry for the long response😭

[jinxpologist]

You are NOT sensitive. Obviously most people in Florida would agree with you, but more importantly the only reason ppl hate Florida is the racist old people and if Florida drowns where do they think they’re gonna go? 🤨

Florida has a important beautiful diverse ecosystem and provides so much for the country.

Maybe this part is ME being too sensitive but just joking about the water rising from climate change/glaciers melting is just never smth i found funny

sorry to get to this so late anon i've been busy </3

and yeah, for clarity i am people from florida. i've lived here my whole life. and people saying they hate florida because we're all crazy (ie florida man), or the wildlife is scary, or it's too hot, or the bugs... i don't care lmao and sometimes it's even funny, cause no one actually hates florida for those reasons.

a lot of people hate florida because we have a supremely shitty government and assume that like... everyone thinks this way. but not everyone thinks this way. there's a huge community of progressive people in florida.

and sidenote, it's kind of strange to see a bunch of people talking about how you should NEVER visit florida as a trans person because. like, your concerns are 100% valid, and if you feel like you're in danger, do whatever you have to to keep yourself safe. but also we still live here LOL like i can be semi-open about being nb with 0 issues and i know a lot of trans people who are medically transitioning. i brought hrt up with an endo who doesn't specialize in that and she didn't bat an eye, she even recommended me a place that could get me hormones.

i promise we're still here and thriving!! we have some of the biggest pride centers in the country!! i attend a HUGE pride event yearly where everyone is happy and loud and openly queer. i'm lucky to live in a beautiful and vibrant city like this and many of us don't fare as well, but we ARE here.

and you're not too sensitive, bc that's what i worry about all the time when it comes to ocean levels rising. i'm worried about the beautiful ecosystem i've grown up in being drowned by the salty ocean. our ecosystem is one of the most diverse and beautiful in the entire country and people have the audacity to say this state is ugly and provides nothing lmfao.

idk it's just a lot like it's not like it's as if floridians are oppressed but sometimes there's just this disconnect between people who live here and people who don't. it's mostly fine i'm just bitter that some people will stereotype a whole state and ignore the vibrant communities and beautiful ecosystem and go "i'm not worried because it's florida".

[lesbiansanemi]

the idea of a lesbian Sanemi just itches my brain (in a good way ofc-)

i should start making lesbian Sanemi fics-

I support you and your endeavors wholeheartedly! We need more lesbian Sanemi. We need more fem Sanemi in general

To be honest, Sanemi is one of those characters that compels me so much more if she were a woman (and canon Sanemi already gets to me a lot). Also atp I think I'm just gonna start referring to her with she/her in all contexts and ppl either get it or they don't and if they don't they're missing out lmao

There's just so many aspects of her story that hit even harder coming from the angle of her being a woman, cis or trans. Obviously her being cis or trans will result in a different set of circumstances for her, but her being a woman is just what hits so hard to me

Her relationship to Shizu, the role of an eldest daughter in the circumstances she grew up in.... God. I will admit, I see a lot of myself in Sanemi, and so some of this does have something to do with projection, but her growing up with six younger siblings, and working so hard with her mother to help protect them from abuse is so impactful to me. Add in the angle of an eldest daughter, who, in so many circumstances, are expected to essentially be a second mother to younger siblings? It's so painful for her.

Especially because Sanemi inevitably fails all of her siblings in the worst possible way. Of course, the blame she places on herself for the siblings she lost to Shizu isn't fair, but... It is her fault she lost Genya in all the ways that she did. In her own eyes, she's a failure of an older sibling, and a failure of a third parent.

The story of a scarred, angry, "failure" of a daughter and woman is so captivating and important to me personally.

Especially from the angle of her being a queer woman. A lesbian, and/or her being trans adds so much to her story imo. Not only did she fail at taking care of her siblings, at "being a mother" but she's also failed in the sense of just... being a woman in the most fundamental ways.

Exploring her self hatred and explosive anger in tandem with femininity is something that speaks to me a lot, it's a struggle I went through, and Sanemi is a character I adore writing from that angle, picking apart these struggles, and developing her alongside them

Sorry for the soap box haha, I just have lots of thoughts and feelings on fem (and lesbian) Sanemi. I don't expect most people would be interested in her for the exact same reasons I am, but I am always excited for others to see the vision and be intrigued by, even if it's for different reasons alskfjlsk

So yes! I fully support more lesbian Sanemi fics!

[evildilf2]

heyy dude what’s up you don’t have to post this but your discussion of this had me thinking.. as a gay and trans person who would consider myself very religious but in the Jewish way I think this sites obsession w Catholic imagery is really bizarre like I do understand finding things about it compelling or wanting to reclaim imagery but it’s soo weird to me the way nonreligious people choose to engage with it sometimes it’s corny like you said. it’s also so weird to me that catholicism specifically is what’s been chosen as The Aesthetic Religion bc the Catholic Church is soooo antisemitic (on top of many many many other obvious issues) like my family had to leave Europe bc of it. like the Catholic Church has a long bloody history of inciting violence against ppl like me and that Wouldn’t actually change if I was cishet which I think is an interesting distinction between myself and people who want to post gay Catholic imagery stuff. but it’s also like can’t rly complain I think it would be weirder to me if non-religious people engaged with non-christian religions in this way, it would be a really bizarre form of cultural appropriation. the state of being a religious transfag on tumblr in 2023. sorry for rant <3

No need to apologize, I think this is a very important thing to acknowledge! I think the reason why Catholicism is the “aesthetic religion” of choice is largely due to the fact that Christianity in general dominates American culture. So on one hand, I’d say you be hard pressed to find a gay person in the US who hasn’t been impacted by Christian homophobia. & because it’s not uncommon for people to channel their angst with oppression into fascination with or fetishism over a sensitive subject, it’s only natural that so many people would be drawn to do so for Christianity. That said, the aesthetics of many Protestant religions are far more modest than Catholicism, and many Protestant faiths are far less literal with their interpretations of the Bible/biblical rituals and all that. Aside from Catholicism the 2 other faiths I’ve seen be romanticized are fetishized is like… the whole Southern Baptist midwest gothic “Ethel cain core” type thing, and Mormonism, but the only people I’ve seen fetishize the latter are ex Mormons whereas the former seems to have more of a wider appeal.

What you said about that specific oppression resonated with me; though I’m not Jewish myself, I recently learned that my mom & her side of the family are Jewish to some extent… but I was never made aware of this as a kid (despite that side of the family frequently discussing heritage), and I suspect this was due to how Catholic that side of the family is. It’s really fucked up, and I want to ask my grandma what she knows about that, but I’m hesitant to because I fear it would make her or other people in the family treat some family members differently. That dilemma itself definitely has made me uncomfortable with my family’s religious beliefs in a way that’s distinctly different from the discomfort with their homophobia I had prior, so I can only imagine it’s pretty upsetting to see that faith be romanticized when you’re directly and more severely impacted by centuries of Catholic antisemitism. I really appreciate you reaching out & sharing your perspective, apologies if I talked all over the place 👍

[foxsnails]

gonna explain my survey very slightly (not too in depth) so im slapping it under a read more so ppl who wanna do the survey can do it first before u see my thoughts on it

so i find the topic of "humans who are animals and humans who are not" very interesting, but its very important first that i state that what prompted this research is my own identity as someone who is autistic, trans and therian!

I've intentionally not stated that in the survey so i dont sway anyones initial reaction to the concept and worded it in a way to allow that. Its important the people are able to have a negative initial interpretation to the concept so that i can address the concerns towards the topic in my research and discuss every interpretation of said topic (such as de-humanisation of minority groups and racial discrimination). It also allows me to see the way that people respond to each question rather than just what they say.

for my interpretation of the topic im gonna ramble a bit now. I personally identify myself as a human who is an animal. This is i guess in a therian sense, it stems from myself feeling dehumanised against my will as an autistic trans person and choosing to embrace that as part of my identity, leading to it no longer effecting me (most the time), identifying as no specific animal, just "an animal", but still a human. The topic is aimed more at self-identifying, and shouldnt be used as anything other than that.

Nature takes place in my identity in many forms. From the times and places i feel most myself, to the way i present myself via clothes and tattoos, through my art, and even in my name. of course theres way more to that, but im not going too in depth here.

When i think of humans who are not animals, i think of ppl like bezos and musk, people who are so far removed from real humanity that it is hard to consider them part of the animal kingdom. i feel in a way that being an animal is part of being human. of course, theres a lot i can say that goes against this idea too. its a complicated one, which is why i chose this topic. Its not rigid in definition, and shouldnt be.

I want to explore the concept, not specifically agree or disagree with it, and hear about other peoples experiences to inform this project's direction because i think its very interesting

[citromello]

In response to the following posts:

--

Hope this doesn't derail (if it does please tell me I'll delete it) but on top of that this person is also being very stupid about society and feminism. "men are not permitted to talk about their problems" and "men expect emotional labour from women instead of going to therapy" are in fact the exact same problem??? The problem is that society/the patriarchy tells men that they need to ahow strength etc and not talk about their feelings especially with other men or strangers. But since men are yknow, humans, this isn't really sustainable or possible so this burden gets privately put onto the few women they are close with, since women are expected to be helpful and nurturing. The solution to both of these things is to be open and honest about your feelings with all the people around you, and also foster an environment where men are not punished for doing this and taking it seriously. Like even if you only care about women, allowing men to be more public with problems does in fact solve the first problem this person mentioned, its almost like sexism is a complex network of human interactions or something. (to tie this back to trans people this person is calling trans people out on having uuuuuuh correct and helpful opinions about feminism? Oh no how dare you) -- not derailing at all, that’s literally the crux of the issue. ppl will acknowledge that the patriarchy expects men to be hyperindividualistic, stoic, emotionless machines, and acknowledge that that’s bad and toxic, but when men actually express how that toxicity makes them feel, people will turn right around and reinforce the idea that men must deal with their problems only on a private, individual basis, which is literally what the patriarchy tells men they need to do. trans men and mascs aren’t the only ppl talking abt this, bell hooks has written extremely eloquently about this as well.

--

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with you on many of your points: that men are unskilled at talking about feelings can be blamed on a culture that makes it so men didn't get as many opportunities to practice this skill, that being angry at men about it doesn't help the broader issue, and that how "this burden gets privately put onto the few women they are close with" is a difficult situation.

But, I think helping someone with a deeply personal issue that they are unskilled at handling is an act of love, and not an easy one. It's hard and awkward and often painful and aspirational. As a result, it makes sense to lean on people who are both more skilled than you at processing feelings and who care about you. It also makes sense to lean on someone who does this as a profession (therapists).

Leaning on random acquaintances, often other women, to help you process deep personal emotions, does not feel like it's the solution. It feels like a wrong-place-wrong-time mistake. I am happy and honored to sit with men close to me as they work through their struggles. I am less happy to do it with people I know only in passing.

This is one of the first date patterns I used to get. I meet up with a guy for the first time, we haven't talked much before. After like 10 minutes of small talk, he swings the conversation onto his unrelenting sense of alienation and loneliness, or some other difficulty. I think it's actually the correct move to resist turning the conversation into a sympathy and support session. Sometimes conversations are supposed to be something else.

Even if swinging to oversharing after a lifetime of undersharing is a very understandable mistake, I think that there is room to acknowledge that neither of these are good long term patterns. Finding the middle ground is not a problem exclusive to men, even if as a whole they might be worse at it. Everyone struggles with it sometimes. There is plenty of space between "no one else cares about your feelings" and "your feelings are everyone's problem". It's important to see that instead of "that's too much" and "that's too little" being conflicting advice, its advice that is working together to point to a middle ground.

[official-panini]

rwrb movie aka "a shitshow"

rating: 1 star, if you want something like the book this is not the place to go.

i watched the movie last night and i have a lot of Thoughts™. i have undone my tumblr exile specifically for this. this may be incoherent but bear with me pls.

there will be spoilers after the cutoff

i had 3 main issues with the movie. obviously i knew it wouldn't be perfect to the book (that would have added at least another 2 hours) but it felt like the screenwriters didn't have any idea what the core of the book was about....... so yeah i have come back to tumblr simply because of this movie.

Diversity: the books had SO MUCH diversity. Nora was bisexual, Pez was 100% queer, these two and June were in a very obvious polyamorous relationship (THEY GOT RID OF JUNE!!!). Amy was trans and had a wife. Rafael Luna was cut out entirely, so we lost a gay Mexican senator who had experienced sexual assault. Oscar wasn't even senator, so we got to see zero (0) Mexican senators. even in terms of other types of diversity, there was less. for example, Ellen wasn't divorced, the movie was just a perfect little nuclear family. not to mention it was Henry's grandpa that was king? instead of having a queen? like the vibes were so different because of that. not to mention, Bea wasn't ever addicted to cocaine. i mean, that added so much to the idea that the royal family wasn't perfect (they made her a pretty little useless princess in the movie).

Palatability: I don't know why I expected better from Amazon, but I was so disappointed. this goes hand in hand with diversity, but i feel like they watered down so many of the themes to appeal to straight audiences? it felt like the difference between "flamboyant" gay vs "quiet, doesn't talk about their sexuality" gay (hint: the second one is the type cishets want from us). even just the way that the only time we see a pride flag is in the reflection of the window. also, one of the scenes i really wanted to see was after henry/alex were outed and we'd see a montage of ppl on the internet speaking out for them, saying stuff like "this was an invasion of their privacy" "they deserved better" "we support you" "you made me more comfortable with my sexuality", etc. AND ESPECIALLY THE "HISTORY, HUH?" SHIRTS. JUST READING ABOUT THEM MADE ME CRY. basically the movie tried to ignore their queer identities past the trauma involved. they didn't celebrate the gayness, they only used it to be like "boohoo they're sad cuz they can't come out".

Character Development: Henry had a plot arc that i felt was more similar to the books, except for the fact that it focused on himself accepting his gayness instead of accepting himself in general. BUT ALEX. THEY DID HIM WRONG. i mean, he didn't have a sexuality crisis on screen (liam was completely ignored). but what really annoyed me was how they didn't show the "fire under his ass" and how he put it out. the entire thing in the book was that he wanted to do everything fast, as young as possible. his entire character arc was learning from June and Henry that he could slow down and get there in his own time. but instead he felt like a plot device to help henry in the movie, like he didn't have a personality beyond helping Henry (and occasionally campaigning for Texas, but w/o his character development we don't even know why he wants Texas so much)

Plot arcs: again, i should have expected this. but. i didn't. in the book, while the overarching plotline was the firstprince romance, a lot of other stuff happened too. while i would argue that there were many mini subplots, the big one was with Richards. he was the one who orchestrated the emails, who leaked them, who tried to sabotage the Claremont administration. and Luna defecting to gather information was so important because of the betrayal + forgiveness + trauma. like the election was so important in the book yet it felt like a background feature in the movie. other subplots that were taken out: june's displeasure with being used as a tool for her mother, henry's mother finally coming out of her room and fighting for something, even just Alex giving the speech in Austin during the election! it didn't even have "you obtuse fucking asshole", the best line in the whole book. it became a pure romcom instead of a contrast between love and politics.

tl;dr: the book was an escapist fantasy that painted a whole world that i would like to run away to, the movie was about two people falling in love with each other (it's hard to escape to a world made for only two people).

anyway i hated it, would not recommend.

[arodabi]

Whats an aromantic flag and why you should include it in your pride posts

disclaimer: i know theres fighting every year about who should and shouldn’t be included in pride posts, this isn’t to argue with people who just hate aspec ppl, this is an informational post. don’t send me bullshit about it

Why should you include aro flags?

many people believe that aromanticism is covered under the asexual flag, so if they include that they’re including aros, however that’s not the case. aro and ace people share the aspec community, but one identity does not fall under the other. It’s less like using the trans flag as an umbrella for all trans and nonbinary people even if there’s a separate nonbinary flag, and more like using the transmasc pride flag to represent all transmascs and transfems. Aros are just not covered under the ace flag because both groups are separate identities. people can be aro and ace but not all aros are ace.

aro is also an incredibly important identity for a lot of people, something we take a lot of pride in. we get relegated to “minor or add on identity” all the time because people keep thinking of us as the -romantic version of asexual. we have multiple terms, multiple flags, and a huge array of different aro experiences, we are not a subset of asexuality and many of us wish for that to be more respected.

last on the reasons of why you should include aros in pride posts is that we have no larger umbrella flag, unless we’re counting the rainbow flag. the aro flag is the umbrella flag for arospec identities. if you don’t include it then we aren’t being included. and this isn’t me telling you you have to include an aro option for everything you make (tho that would be nice) ppl have the right to choose what flags they want to include. but theres been many times when i see people add  flags representing all parts of the community except aro, and then add on smaller more niche flags. i don’t want this to come across as another post like “how dare you include X flag but not Y flag!!!” because i think everyone should have the joy of representation, i just think many people don’t realize they’re even leaving aros out. either through lack of awareness or lack of knowledge on what the aro flag actually is, and that’s what i wanna help with this post.

What even is the aro flag?

Let’s start with what it’s not:

[ID: a flag with four horizontal stripes. from the top down they are green, yellow, orange and black. End ID]

This was the first proposed aro flag. We do not use it anymore for a couple reasons, the main one is that it resembled another countries flag too closely and was getting confused. I’d think this one would have died out by now but i literally just saw a post include it today.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, yellow, grey, and black. End ID]

This was the second popular aro flag. It is very close to the main aro flag now except the middle stripe is yellow. That stripe was changed due to causing some people sensory problems. This one is sometimes still accidentally used, probably because it looks very close to the main flag, but it’s not the main aro flag either.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, light green, and dark green. End ID]

I’ve actually seen this flag used a lot by people not very knowledgeable about aros. This is a flipped version of the aro flag. I also for the life of me can’t find an example of this but i’ve seen more than once a version that is flipped and removes a stripe of green so it looks like a recolored ace flag. These are pretty common, enough for me to have seen multiple people selling merch with this incorrect flag. I think it comes from people thinking the aro flag is the same as the ace one which does start with black at the top and has only four stripes.

[ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are black, grey, white, green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

Yeah, this is the agender flag, not the aro flag. I see these get mixed up all the time. It’s not hard so see why with similar colors and a white grey black gradient, but as someone who is agender and aro, it kinda gets on my nerves when people mix these up. Also no this is not the same color palette as the aro flag. I’ve seen people make designs labeled as agender/aromantic that just use the agender color palette. The aro flag has two greens and they’re both different than the agender green.

[ID: Two flags next to each other. The first one has five horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are orange, light orange, white, light blue, dark blue. The second flag has eight horizontal stripes. from top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, black, grey, white, and purple. End ID]

These are two common aroace flag designs. These flags are used by a lot of people and you might see them included in pride posts. These are good flags, however, they should not be used to represent all aros. Including an aroace flag does not mean you’re including all aros and all aces, it means you’re including just aroaces. There’s plenty of aros who aren’t ace and aces who aren’t aro. It’d be like putting a gay trans flag in a post and saying its there to represent all gay and all trans people, when the flag is usually used to represent only people who are both gay and trans. Again, these flags are not bad, and them being included in pride posts is good actually, but they should not be used to represent all aro and all ace people.

Now let’s go over what actually is the aro flag:

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, grey, and black. End ID]

This is the main aro flag. It’s the one most widely used and recognized. The color meanings are dark green and light green representing the spectrum of aro identities, white meaning friendship, and grey and black representing the spectrum of sexual identities in the aro community.

But wait there’s more!

The aro identity is a spectrum, meaning theres more identities under aromantic, and they have their own flags too. If you really wanna go wild and include some other aro flags heres some more. (this is not a full list of all arospec identities, just some i see around the most. feel free to look into more arospec identities and flags! also all of these definitions are coming from me and my personal knowledge of aro identities, i do not identify as any of these though, only as aromantic, so if i give the wrong definition please tell me so i can fix it!)

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, light green, white, yellow, and dark yellow. End ID]

This is the alloaro flag. Alloaros are aros who aren’t ace. They deserve more support and attention because they’re really amazing members of the aro community.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are dark green, grey, white, grey, and dark green. End ID]

This is the greyromantic flag. Greyromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction rarely. The term greyromantic is also sometimes used to mean aro identities that still feel some form of romantic attraction.

[ID: A flag with four horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are black, green, aqua, and grey. End ID]

the quoiromantic or WTFromantic flag. It means someone who can’t or doesn’t want to tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction basically. It’s got a special place in my heart bc i used to id as quoi.

[ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes. From top to bottom the colors are red orange, orange, yellow, white, and black. End ID]

This is the Lithromantic flag. Lithromantic means someone who feels romantic attraction but doesn’t want it reciprocated, or may no longer feel romantic attraction when it is reciprocated.

[ID: A flag with a black, sideways triangle on the left side pointing right and three horizontal stripes. The first stripe from the top is a thick white stripe, the next stripe is thin and dark green, and the bottom stripe is thick and grey. End ID]

The demiromantic flag. Someone who is demiro doesn’t feel romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone.

And there’s many more arospec identities!

I hope i’ve helped to clear up some misconceptions about aros and our flags! We’re not under the ace umbrella, we’re our own community. We all have different experiences, different relationships to our identity, and I hope to see more people represent aros this year!

Have a happy pride month!

[sunshinewarrior11]

hello, I want to write an Arab character and I don't want to mess anything up so I just wanted to ask some things, I hope I'm not bothering or going the wrong direction, I just don't want to misinterpret Arab people and want to be sure

I read on your page something about nicknames, i have no problem with calling the character by their full name, but i just wanted to ask if having other characters calling them by a nickname is very wrong?

can I have the character and their family live in the same country as the other characters (in this case Spain)?

another one of my questions is about sexuality, how should I write it? can I make the character non-straight?

thank you so much for your answers, I hope none of the questions sound offensive, because they aren't supposed to

Hi, so sorry I am just seeing this. To answer you, 1. nicknames are fine and a common practice in Arabic. The importance here is that the nickname does not exist because the people who gave it struggle with the name. For example Mo for Mohammed to make it easier for western speakers = bad. However, my name is Noor and I've always had the nicknames of Noori or Nooni from my family members. It's like Johnny instead of John. Or we even have nicknames like Dick = Richard. My uncle's name is Mortada, but we all call him Ridda. Additionally, it is more common to nickname your friends/family of a same generation based off a trait. For example my dad's friend's call him Abu Guyora which means 'dad of anger' because he gets frustrated a lot. My cousins call me huckteera which means like 'dangerous/badass', mostly bc my job requires a lot of dumb travelling and come back with all these stories about how I manage to injure myself monthly. But these are endearing, I promise.

2. Yes, I do not know why they wouldn't live with the other characters. Especially if Spain is the setting there is a long history of Arabs and North African ethnic groups such as the Amazaigh (referred to as Berbers or Moors - the latter is common in Spain but be careful because Moro is a slur. Also neither of these groups are Arab, however, they can be mixed, many speak Arabic, but they also have their own languages and customs). Also, like make sure to mention where they are initially from and do the research of that country. It will affect naming practices, foods eaten, religions (not everyone is Muslim nor practices the same type of Islam if they are). They can't just be 'Arabs'. Its very vague and will leave you're reader feeling lost.

3. Absolutely. I'm trans and gay myself. We exist. There are many Arab families who support it and many who don't though. So choose which you're character will experience. Also, fun fact, SWANA (South West Asia and North Africa) used to be the place all the European gays ran to until recently as the laws in these areas were much more relaxed and it was more accepted than in Europe. There is a long history of Queerness. But like with everywhere, there are ppl who disagree with it. Also if youre interested in making a non-binary character, Arabic has a few gender netural names which can be easily used. Noor/Nour/Nür (light/divine light) [Noori is masculine and Noura is feminine], Bahr (sea), Qamar/Kamar (moon).

Hope these help.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶͒̚��̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚̍͗̌͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

[delusion-of-negation]

so the op of that "don't bully teens" post now blocked me - I wanna reply to this one (since I typed it up only to find out that I am blocked) never said that school wasn't important or that a joke alone was more important - I said that it is more important to look after your physical and mental health than to get amazing grades, because you can retake exams a lot easier than you can repair damage done by self-neglect. it isn't inherent to making a silly joke based on an internet maymay that you're not doing school stuff, they're not mutually exclusive, but having chill time and having fun are vital components of a good environment for mental and physical health, which in turn will make you more able to do well in exams because you're in a better place, even if it means retaking them later. that isn't telling people to just neglect school. but I also said that ultimately this convo about what is more important is deflecting from the main point that y'all shouldn't bully and insult teens who are just making jokes on tiktok, it's not at all going to encourage them to focus on school it's going to upset and annoy them. also them discovering things doesn't mean someone has groomed them, you can find shit out on your own - do you seriously think everyone who's in any way into fucking feet or big tiddy or all that stuff was groomed? people just be like that, as long as they're being safe and aren't out there doing anything at that age, it's fine, making the silly internet meme joke about it is just fine. also want to reply to a reply to my comment on the other thread (the convo was on two posts) pygmy-possum said: "@/patchuolli that’s a good point, but nowhere did the screenshot of the tiktok mentioned smth like that. they didn’t say how to safely explore their sexual interests, they were just shaming the teenagers" fucking thank you! there's now both rightwing asshats and terfs swarming this, going off that trans people are tryna fucking groom kids and all that shit, when all we're saying is don't bully kids and then fucking call it anti pedo activism. and I wanna reply to @feathery-dickmuffins (well, specifically the tags, from this reply) "#it's like...have you not made edgy and sex jokes around the people you talked with when you were a teen? #I mean hell most teens legally do even more sex-related things but we won't get into that #it's just weird like them ppl be having legal sex and you're here getting pissy over them making jokes #they do worse things in the bedroom. #I know I said I wouldn't get into it'd but I fucking lied. you know it's true. we all know it's true. #it's their right. #do you not remember being a 15 years old or something?" bruh, the age of consent is 16 where I live, a lot of teens do it with each other before then, but bruh 100% these people call people babies, lil' teeny tiny children, innocent precious flowers, and it's like bro they know what sex is, here it's legal for them to do it and they most certainly do (I used to volunteer for an lgbt youth group and I had to answer plenty of questions about situations revolving around that, because they were doing it and lgbt sex ed in schools wasn't there, so they had to ask the volunteers). chill the fuck out and let them make jokes based on internet maymays, it really ain't fuckin' deep. I literally talk about how it's a bad thing that so many kids under 16 have sex, that we need far better sex ed so it doesn't fall on volunteers, in this very reply and earlier ones I've said that we need better education and that they shouldn't be having sex under 16, yet this post is full of people saying my reply is "concerning" and the others, mischaracterising us, all sorts of shit. I am so tired of people being unable to read and unable to separate teens from babies, so they go apeshit at somebody even suggesting that it's fucking stupid to bully kids over a joke then act like you're fighting the pedos - maybe they just feel called out, maybe they switched their brains off and saw what they wanted to see idk but either way it's so fucking stupid.

it's just an internet meme, calm your tits and focus all the energy on stuff that will actually help people.

[violenceenthusiast]

WARNING: transphobia

sorry to intellectualize in your inbox and feel free to like... delete this if it's too heavy or not your thing! but i've been having a lot of ideas about transness in fandom (i'm trans myself btw jsyk where this is coming from) and the whole like... cas-giving-dean-a-male-body thing and today's Discourse wrt that ask lampgate received about "looking trans"

like basically butler says that there's this Thing we all create that's basically an idealized male/female body that doesn't exist. like by labeling bodies as normal/abnormal for whatever reason we create sex, we create normative bodies. we are constantly referencing a non-existent ideal male/female body. claiming that all cis women and all cis men have the same bodies is stupid because they don't. everyone has slightly different hormones and slightly different expressions and that's not even to speak of intersex people who complicate the idea of Normative Bodies even further.

so then oftentimes when i look at transness (more specifically transmasculininity) in fandom - and i mean this in literally the nicest way possible - this tends to get represented a certain way. mostly it's represented in drawings/fics as people who've either had top surgery and have scars underneath their pectorals or people who wear binders, and most of the time they have not had bottom surgery. and while it is important to stress that YES people who look like this do exist and it's good that they are being represented it in no way is the Only or even Most Common transmasculine body. there is no way to "look trans" because there is no kind of Idealized Trans Body in the way that there is an Idealized Cis Body that is referenced. but i worry that in fandom we are creating this sort of Idealized Transmasculine Body by constantly referencing the same type of body that i previously described, which transphobes then weaponize as characters "obviously not looking trans." bc ya know in order to make that statement there must first be a Body That Is Trans.

and then cas bringing dean back in a male body sort of crystallizes this because it both upholds the idea of there being A Trans Body as well as there being A Cis Body. if we theorize about there somehow being a switch between those then there must be some sort of larger concept that we are referencing. it's buying into the non-existent concept of idealized sex, of normative bodies.

(for the record i feel the same way when it comes to temporary gender/sex swap fics. also this doesn't come from a place of "this is bad and Should Never Happen Ever" but more... what are the subconscious philosophical consequences and implications of the decisions we make)

OH addendum to that last ask bc i realize i might've come off wrong: that is not to say that trans people creating content for themselves and others to enjoy are responsible for the existence of transphobia. again i'm trans myself and i LOVE all trans content and i would love to see more of it. i'm just saying that the issue is like... complicated and intertwined and we are unfortunately all still trapped within a system that most people accept as being Right even though we have definitive proof that it isn't

glad for that addendum because that was literally the first thing i was gonna say lol. you can’t pander to transphobes, they’ll always take issue no matter what you do so you might as well just do your thing, yk?

but yea i was a sociology major so this is absolutely my type of thing. basically i agree with you. but i think there is a societal Ideal Type of transness and it’s still very much the “binary trans person who wants to be and look cis and transitions all at once and then passes perfectly and never brings up transness again” which. barf, there’s not enough time to unpack all of that. but at the same time the Ideal Type of transness boils down to: there shouldn’t be one bc it shouldn’t exist. which again, barf. as far as inside the trans community... idk i feel like on average, non trans/med etc. trans ppl are very aware and appreciative of the diversity of transness and the beauty inherent in that? but maybe that’s just my experience. if anything, i feel more worried about intracommunity ideals of transness being warped by whiteness and thinness, if that makes sense. also i think again always good to remember that what any given person posts in fan space will pretty much never be indicative of the full scope of their thoughts and opinions on the subject. but yea also there are ppl where fan spaces are there only queer spaces for example and then what happens if you’re seeing this same image over and over again but it’s not your reflection at all.

i think really what it comes down to with the elements you’re pointing out is that they are just what’s familiar to us? like. 1) as a bunch of twenty-somethings, binders and top surgery, maybe T is about all that most of us have been able to do if anything (at least that’s my impression. OR that may be all we’re interested in, etc. there’s always variation in prefs of course), 2) top scars are just such insanely good visual shorthand, and 3) fanart/fic is always in some way aspirational so as someone who hasn’t gotten to get top yet, i for one like thinking about a dean who got to do that already :)

and yea again any fic/post/etc that has cas changing dean’s body without asking/being asked.... it’s a no from me. bad on the consent side, bad on the conceptions of bodies and gender delineations side, bad on the “right” and “wrong” bodies side, so many things abt it that make me :/. also like even if you have dean brought back in laz rising with a flat chest sans scars, and a whole new set of reproductive organs.... like that’s still a trans man’s body? both literally and rhetorically speaking that still wouldn’t be a Cis Body (assuming you could even define in any meaningful way what it means to have a Cis Body, given the amount of variation in bodies AND the fact that literally every single person is failing the normative bc it’s by nature shifting an unattainable)? but also again, i’m gonna insist that “male body” as synonym for “cis man’s body” sucks bigtime.

[painhaver]

srry for posting so many updates but like i said before, i think it's vitally important that this flag have real, thought-out meaning behind it. u can find the original version of this post here :-) once again a huge thanks to everyone who's helped refine this flag. i hope it can become a recognized symbol for our community, i hope that within it ppl can see all the love, all the bravery, all the uniqueness of the G in lgbt

im gnna keep this short n sweet, additional info can b found in my original post wrt why i chose this color scheme, original stripe meanings, n why i chose to make this flag in the first place

COLOR MEANINGS 3.0!!!

DARK GREEN: masculinity, manhood, masc gays. our unique style of masculinity that's different from any other

GREEN: love, gay love being natural, the tenderness of gay love. this stripe is meant both to mirror the green stripe on the rainbow flag, which represents nature, n also to represent the softness we express to one another n fact that our love is natural, normal, n smth to b celebrated

LIGHT GREEN: nonbinary gay people, including those of us who dont identify as men but r still gay for men

LIGHT BLUE: gay trans men, including those who identify only partially as men but still consider themselves trans men

INDIGO: freedom, self-expression, gnc gays. the courage to b our authentic selves openly, the freedom of being gnc

VIOLET: femininity, feminine presentation, fem gays. our unique style of femininity that's different from any other

pls rb this version if u can/want to whether yr gay or not! this is 100% free to use for anyone who falls under the G, no credit required [tho yr free to tag me in anything u make w it!] i hope u all love it as much as i loved making it :-)❤️