#also very interested in the fact that he spoke about the negatives of playing with the habs

[holdoncallfailed]

my amazing pavements the movie review:

it was great actually. i think it spoke to so much of the stuff i've been thinking about in terms of what constitutes Truth when telling the story of a band and how it’s impossible to graft an objective narrative onto a living breathing entity that spans years if not decades with multiple shifting and contradictory takes on a single event…lots of great footage of them when they were young including malkmus wearing his dorky rimless glasses. the editing reminded me a LOT of the VU documentary which makes sense because that one similarly resists a typical biopic narrative and it utilized the same kind of splitscreen/collage-like affect to convey the frenetic and frequently haphazard energy of their performances. which i think works because at their best pavement are capable of being that overwhelming and sublime. i think it did a great job of presenting the irreverence and the earnestness simultaneously without being prescriptive about which is the “correct” interpretation of the band at the end of the day.

i liked the talkback afterwards too, alex ross perry seems like such an interesting intelligent guy and the perfect person (possibly only person?) to have helmed this kind of project. (he is also incredibly malkmusian in affect...like if malk were on the whole slightly friendlier lol.) he said that he wanted the movie to be similar in conceit to wowee zowee, i.e. everything just thrown at the wall at once with little regard as to what “made sense” according to the medium's established norms. which i really liked lol. i also liked that the director seemed more interested in the irreverence/parody angle whereas the editor was deadly serious about it and was clearly coming from a place of sincere devotion to the band, so maybe that's why they were able to achieve that tonal complexity.

and joe keery was a total riot…my only gripe was that they focused too much on the pavement stage musical development and not enough on the fictional biopic. i Get the musical on a conceptual level but i found it fairly painful to watch in reality—perry said something about how "the biopic is the lowest form of highbrow art that we allow as a society" which i'm inclined to agree with but i would argue that the TRUE lowest form is in fact the jukebox musical. it was funny at first hearing pavement songs with a showtune arrangement but it got old SO fast and i would have preferred to hear the songs sung by the guys. i also absolutely cannot stand zoe lister-jones' voice.

HOWEVER, after the screening a woman overheard us chatting about it and explained that the joe keery biopic elements had been largely edited out of the final cut because the band apparently hated it….! particularly for its negative depiction of malk, which is funny considering the whole project. and it's not like malkmus comes across as an angel in the final cut anyway—in fact far from it, though it was almost always presented in a way that fans will find charming and respond to with a sort of good-natured eye rolling “oh that stephen…!” so it's too bad that the band nixed so much of the biopic cos i thought those guys were doing a great job and i would have loved to see more of it especially the cut scenes that the woman described to us. fwiw i especially liked the kid who played bob. and i also give keery a lot of credit for managing to offset malk's genuine obnoxiousness with a (very good) deadpan caricature.

i also liked getting a little bit of insight into the pavement museum project and where all of that stuff came from. again i think there's something very exciting in wondering, how far can you take parody before it reveals something sincere? what does it look like when the irreverence becomes its own subject? what's the difference between a joke and a lie? if you say either one enough times they'll both become true.

IN CONCLUSION yes it was weird and silly and indulgent but i don't think there's any way it could have NOT been any of those things considering the inherent ridiculousness of the movie in the first place. i do not think there's very much to get out of it if you are not already a fan of pavement—but that was the same criticism lobbed at the VU doc, and i think in both cases it would be dumb to try to create something to appeal to non-fans, cos there's already been so much said about their ~importance and influence and it would have been mind-numbingly boring. in a crowd full of fans there were a TON of laugh-out-loud moments both because they were scripted as such and because they were, like, inside jokes that people who were following the 2022 tour would recognize...jocelyn and i absolutely lost our shit at the fred durst moves clip...iykyk...overall i enjoyed it so much and i really look forward to rewatching it and studying it more.

[arkiwii]

well, since i can't really draw or write Arknights stuff because I'm really charged this month, but the brainrot is still very strong, i decided to do a tierlist of my favorite operators!

explanations below the cut

i don't count alters on this tierlist, when I put a character I consider it's them + their alter version; the choice of if I picked the alter or not for the vignette is only based on aesthetic choices, really. also for comprehensive reasons, i tried to put all the related characters next to each other (like how the abyssal hunters are all next to each other)

My most beloved precious blorbos: this one speaks for itself, honestly. operators i absolutely love, that i think about almost on a daily basis, no minded doodles every so often, writing ideas poping up in my mind, big wall of text about how much i like them, autistic thoughts, you know the kind. i just love them very much, simply. originally, saria and ifrit were in the tier just below, since i considered that since i have silence as my favorite character, i did not need to also put them, but i learnt to love them individually rather than for what they represent to silence

Big smooch on their forehead: characters that i know very well the story of, and that I'm really attached! not to the point of being my all times favorites, but who spoke to me to a personal level, or that i used a lot in early game/still use today. i love to read about them and would love to draw or write more about them! justice knight is here as a honorary member

I think they're neat!: i don't know them that well, but i followed them in events, or did a bit of research about them for a reason or another, or simply one of my friends like them! and i do think they're neat, pretty interesting, not the kind i'd be absolutely attached to but i enjoy seeing them regardless :]

I would like to know more about them: feat Abyssal Hunters, the Nearls and Gavial's crew. they are characters i know a little bit about them or they are related to a character i love, but i got too lazy to read their event and files because it's too complicated, or too long, or whatever. but they are characters i know enough about to know i'll appreciate them! so im interested in knowing more about them

Here goes all the other operators, aka "I don't care or I forgot you exist": well, the tier's name once again speaks for itself. theres a ton of characters in that game, and I can't focus on every of them, especially when i started not that long ago. there's a lot that i genuinely just forget about, some that i know the story but i dont care that much to know more, and a few that i do wish to know more about! but not as much interesting as the tier above, so not my priority

I hate you /pos: (i ran out of colors) annoying ass characters with a shitty personalities but they're fun for the memes and i use them regardless (except tequila cause mlynar exists). not like actual hate, mostly affectionate hate, you know, like how you call your cat "stinky", but you still love your cat regardless. fact, at first i was genuinely uncomfortable with lappland, but then with il siracusano i started to feel better with her

I hate you /neg: characters i despise either for game reason or because their smug aura mocks me. phantom is because fuck him in is2 and his story is ehhh to me. gravel is because this character is seriously uncomfortable, for the love of god can you act normal, and i wouldn't mind her if she wasn't guaranteed with every fast redeploy tag. harmonie and ho'olheyak are just smug bitches. and ethan i just have a hate experience because i dont like using him and his voice + the music playing when he appears makes me so anger

Brother you can just die: Silverash tier. fuck you silverash. i don't like his face, i dont like using him, and i did not followed break the ice but i heard enough bullshit about him to know he's a terrible person. i hope i never roll him

[magicaldogtoto]

I've mostly avoided any discourse surrounding Wonderful Precure, mainly because 1.) I don't want to get sucked into it (there's only so many hours in a day, and I work full time), and 2.) I for the most part genuinely find the show entertaining (as a dog person and fan of older shows like Scooby-Doo, I find Komugi and Iroha's dynamic a lot of fun).

But I knew when I watched Cure Nyammy's debut last weekend that there was going to be some discussion regarding her use of physical attacks on the Garugaru, and how Cure Wonderful and Cure Friendy's response to it essentially condemns the use of violence (in a Precure show, which is a franchise that in previous installments has relied heavily on action scenes).

Look, I'm not going to lie: I like action scenes in shows I watch, magical girl or otherwise. They can be very cathartic when done right, and shows like Precure, Super Sentai, Kamen Rider, and Ultraman tend to do them very right. Even as Wonderful Precure is airing, I'm also watching the original Futari Wa Precure and getting a kick out of it. (I also like lore and worldbuilding more, but that's for another time.) I found people reacting negatively to this part of WanPre's recent episode interesting, not only in the context of a magical girl show, but in the context of superhero fiction in general (which the warrior type of magical girl is a part of).

Twitter user @/MagicalGirlOTD made a small thread relating to this that got me thinking about the use of fighting as a solution to problems in works of fiction. Particularly, they commented that many magical girl shows that feature fighting run the risk of feeling the same all the time. Adding to this, they commented "This is the end result of the genre heavily favoring 'we can fight but we also need peace!' for the last 30 years."

It made me think of an old blog post by American comics writer J.M. DeMatteis (whose work I have complicated feelings about, though I admire his idealism and enthusiasm for his craft). In his 2018 blog post "Slugging It Out," DeMatteis spoke on the then-recent premiere of the CW's Black Lightning, and how (though he found it to be to a good start and was looking forward to how the plot panned out) it seemed to highlight what he called "the massive crack in the foundation of the entire superhero genre." As DeMatteis goes on to explain: 

"No matter how much these characters talk about high ideals, non-violence or the power of love, in the end it often comes down to two people in costumes dropping buildings on each other’s heads.  (And the more street level, the more realistic, your story is, the more difficult those scenes become:  A space battle against aliens plays out very differently than, say, Batman beating the hell out of a common criminal*.)"

People like to talk about magical girls and how idealistic they are in areas like love and friendship; there's nothing wrong with that. In fact it's one of the things I admire about the genre. But one can just as easily see the same people also talk about how much ass their favorite magical girl can kick. (In fact, there are more than a few characters I'm introduced to through people just saying "So-And-So can kick [Insert other character/magical girl from another show they find overrated]'s ass easily!")

I don't think there's a clean-cut solution to this--it's just human nature, in the end. DeMatteis himself has spoken about how he's often tried to address this problem in superhero stories, only to be rebuffed by editors because doing so would call into question the very nature of superhero fiction. He's still happily writing for Marvel and DC, though, so he doesn't seem too bothered by it (but personally I do like his non-superhero work, since he doesn't have to worry about those limitations).

I'm not a pacifist, by any means. I think there is a time for fighting. And I like reading and watching stories that feature cool battles in addition to cool characters and fun adventures. But there's always a small part of me that does think about these kinds of things. Maybe I'll always be thinking about it, until the end of my life.

There's already a lot of magical girl stories where the girls end up fighting monsters and bad guys. There's also a lot of shows where the magical girl doesn't really fight (I personally like Princess Tutu and the way Tutu goes through her conflicts). Maybe this concept of not wanting to harm the monsters is something one doesn't really expect in Precure. But I don't know, I don't think it's really bad to show children they have a non-violent option now and then. Just my two cents.

(*Yes I'm aware that what Batman does is the subject of its own discourse; I'm just quoting the guy. And he's written for Batman, to boot.)

[subtile-jagden]

Max Immelmann - Part 1

Max Immelmann is immortalized as the Eagle of Lille and as the first earner of the Pour le Mérite, the highest military award of the German Empire. Eventhough that´s not quite true: Immelmann and Oswald Boelcke got it at the same time. But its nickname “Blauer Max” (engl. Blue Max) comes from Immelmann; when he got the award the light shone in such a way that the blue colour of the award reflected on his face and bathed it in a blue glow.

Childhood and Education

Max Immelmann was born on the 21st September 1890 in Dresden. He was the eldest of three children. His brother was also a pilot during the war and his sister was a nurse. Max and his siblings spent a lot of their early childhood sick and their mother had to take care of them a lot while simultaneously caring for her terminally ill husband. His father died when Max was just seven years old. The relationship between Max and his mother was very close. As the eldest son, the mother had to be able to rely on Max to support her after her husbands death. And he didn't disappoint her, from early on he stood by her with advice and assistance on family matters.

As a child Max developed interest in everything technical; while his brother played with toy soldiers, Max build miniature train tracks.

Immelmann attended various high schools, in 1905 he transferred to the Kadettenanstalt (cadet institute) in Dresden. Being used to a lot of freedom and little discipline, Max struggled in the beginning to get used to the strictness of the military education. He felt also alienated from his classmates due to his at the time peculiar lifestyle and wanted to leave the cadet corps. He reported to his mother that his comrades teased him about his dislike of all meat foods and his rejection of all alcohol. He would like to be a soldier, but he has no understanding of the officer's job because he doesn't want to be tied to the rigid form of a particular society. It is interesting to see that Immelmann had no great interest in a military career, compared to Oswald Boelcke who was eager to become an officer. However, at his mother's request, he stayed until he graduated with the Abitur in 1911.

His technical aptitude was further emphasized by his good grades in mathematics and science subjects, while language subjects were rather neglected. Max was sure: after graduating from school, he would like to learn a technical profession.

Lifestlye

From early childhood on Max was raised with the method after Dr. Lahmann. His mother swore by naturopathy and was convinced that a careful diet and regular excerise will keep her children healthy. The family ate no meat and there was a big focus on physical activities. Max wholeheartedly agreed with that and stuck to this lifestyle his whole life. Max and his mother also regularily took trips to Naturheilbäder (there is no direct translations but they were spas with a focus on only natural practices) and went to lectures from popular naturopaths of the time. Max didn´t smoke or drink alkohol. Shortly before his death he spoke about his attitude towards alcohol: “In fact, I do not consider it more debilitating and depressing than the consumption of spirits, in any form. I have had the opportunity myself to observe that even small amounts of alcohol adversely affect decision-making, thinking, and presence of mind. I don't need to say anything about the negative effects of intoxication, because even the greatest alcohol lover is aware of them. As for everyone who drives a fast vehicle, avoiding alcohol is also a key requirement for us pilots in order to be able to operate successfully.” He was not the only one with this attitude, Manfred von Richthofen for example also disapproved of excessive alcohol consumption and forbade his pilots to drink anything while on duty and on the airfield.

Max was a passionate gymnast, he liked to perform in front of teachers and comrades at Christmas parties or other events and show off what he could do.

Military career or university?

After graduating from the cadet corps, Immelmann joined the Eisenbahnregiment 2 in Berlin-Schöneberg. Just as he laid the rails for his toy train set when he was a little boy, he now wanted to lay real rails. However, he was quickly disappointed: the technical training he had hoped for was rather neglected, he mainly had to be a "normal" soldier. The longer he was in his regiment, the more he realized that becoming an officer was not for him. After consulting with his mother he applied for his leave of absence and began to study mechanical engineering.

The relationship with his mother never faltered, it only got stronger as Max got older. During his time at the university Max tried to teach his mother everything he had learned. She had to do maths worksheets and learn accounting. He had also got himself a small motorcycle and while she didn't have to learn how to ride it, Max did teach his mother how to ride a bike. Max bought a sidecar for the motorcycle trips.

Beginning of the war and aviation career

When the war broke out in 1914, Max was recalled to his regiment. He was little enthused about the prospect of going to war building train tracks. But there was hope for another option: while strolling through the city with his brother Franz, they came across a flyer calling on young men to apply to the Fliegertruppen (air force). He and his brother immediately ran home and wrote their applications. Max had to wait three month but then he got accepted. "This, my greatest wish, has come true: on November 12 1914 I was assigned to the Fliegerersatzabteilung 2 in Adlershof. The next day I arrived there and now I'm sitting here as a student pilot".

Immelmann learned quick and successfully graduated from flight training. Im March 1915, he got ordered to report to the Armeeflugpark 3 in Rethel, France. Max reported to his beloved mother every day in the most precise detail what he experiences, which people he meets, how his life in France is. “My job is flying and driving a car. My material side comes into its own here. I'm sitting right in the middle of the engines, so to speak. I either drive a motorcycle or a car, or I fly”. His main activity as an aviator at this time was to transport material to the troops close to the front. Actual fighter flying did not exist in this early phase of the war.

[petitprincess1]

One of your villainos posts is getting trashed

It's just what you expect when it comes to saying anything negative about Villainous and Alan Ituriel. Although, I find it funny that it's not the first time I've said Heed and Dem are overly sexualized, especially in that drawing of the two in playboy bunny costumes, but oh no! This time I really messed up, even tho that anon brought it up and not me x3

Also, the way they're saying all "Oh Dem and Heed are underdeveloped but what about Millie????". So, like....yall admit to the characters being underdeveloped....but then use it as a "gotcha" moment? And, no, Millie isn't underdeveloped.

She has strong ties with her family, even tho her own family jokes about her freelance job and clearly has a rivalry with her Sallie May. She's very protective over Moxxie to the point where she "sees red" when he's in trouble. Heck, Millie actually seemed to have worked on that, since she used her anger in Exes and Ooohs to give her an advantage than letting it blind her. She's easily excitable and tends to be more optimistic, while Moxxie is very logical and somewhat cynical.

Millie has even spoke up on Blitzo being too into their personal lives, but she deals with it. Again, opposite of Moxxie. Millie also can easily see through other's bullshit after Harvest Moon, since she didn't care for those con artists and Seeing Stars, while also pissed at how Mox did fall for it. She even seems to have a problem with Loona, since she just calls her "hellhound" and views her as nothing more. She's very caring and loving of her coworkers when push comes to shove.

Meanwhile, what do Demencia and Heed have that isn't already obvious? Wow. Demencia is insane and loves BH. She's not intelligent any longer bc, according to Alan, her guessing the answer to Flug's equation was played for laughs. Also, Flug made her. Wow. What a shock. You really fooled me with the blueprints he has in his lab...and the fact that Alan has already said that he made her in the livestreams lol I mean, hell, Demencia doesn't even remember nor care about her past. So, why should I?

Now, Heed does have a ton more development compared to Demencia, but that isn't saying much. She still mainly is there to lift Goldheart rather than being her own thing. It's still kinda weird that she went through all that effort when all she needed to do was brainwash Goldheart. I won't say much because I do have more hope for Cecilia than anyone else in the series. She's the only one that has potential to be interesting, especially with her reports. So, here's hoping her book speaks more about her.

Also, my posts are labeled "unpopular opinion" for a reason. And let's not compare two completely different shows. Please. That's incredibly dumb.

[blissfulalchemist]

fear, hate, hide, midnight for carly:3

Thank you Liz! Sorry this took a bit of time but I didn't realize how much I had to say on Carly. Anyway! Hope you enjoy! EW spoilers tw: brief mentions and implications of abuse and suicide just in case nothing is graphic

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

Carly is very fearful of being powerless. She grew up powerless and vowed to never be that way again. Like sure she got out but at what cost to herself? In any universe this is true and it is also true that she is not open about it. Very few people know her story and she keeps it that way. Stasia knows and understands the feelings, but she also figured it out right away or at least overall idea she never asked for details. In ffxiv Carly only ever tells the whole story very vulnerably to Zenos and its a big part of why she's so connected to him, why she gets so angry when he well perishes. He's seen the real her (which is very literal in this case, temporarily, as she let her dark side take over and in that moment her eyes shifted from red back to their original emerald green and her hair to its naturally darker color) and still chose to have her despite the weakness within. You can also see it in little hints here and there if you know what to look for, but she does a very good job in hiding it overall.

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

Carly holds a lot of hatred for the world as a whole because she suffered so much trauma and no one was very kind to her. To get more specific she has a bit more of a hatred to the cis male population from the power they hold in society, to how they objectified her, the way the spoke about her rise to power, and overall just the negatives they have. A lot of this is due to life experiences, and once having power she takes more joy from playing and toying with them. She also has a deep deep hatred for abusers. She may not save the person being abused but she will kill them if she's allowed to (sometimes upsettingly she has to let them live for political business reasons). This is gender neutral and doesn't even have to be a parent to child or partner to partner, she will not stand for those in a town being against a single person as its the same thing in her eyes. This is also where it starts to look like she's killing people for little things which yeah on occasion but overall she's looking for a pattern and she gives you at least a second chance (kind of mostly you get one freebie to say something and then change behavior and she won't give you a warning), but some like in ffxiv where some soldiers make an insinuation that another female half-garlean soldier fucked her way through the ranks and that was an on sight kill (she did politely offer the woman one of them to kill but the other girl didn't want to).

A little more specific hatred she hates Siberite with a passion because she finds her heroism to be very hypocritical and she killed the love of her life. Its a complex situation between them but she will never get over Siberite killing a person when all she claimed to kill (initially) were primal beings/monsters. Zenos was never monstrous in Carly's eyes, and the fact was no one else bothered to try and look past that. Siberite and the Scions all came out of Shadowbringers having a better understanding on listening to the enemy and seeing their side but they still in her opinion never extended the same courtesy to her or Zenos. She also finds it the utmost disrespectful act of not even bothering to try and bring back his body (never mind that she was planning on bringing him back from the dead) so he could at least be given the bare minimum of respect of being laid to rest which is something that Siberite claimed to care about. Needless to say next expansion is going to be quite interesting between these two.

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

Carly really hides her past and her childhood. It is so very very rare for her to divulge anything about it that you are really fuckin' special if you know anything about it. There is a reason why her last name is Doe when I tag things as her human time because she doesn't even use her birth name. She will let you assume (mostly) whatever you like about her past because its not her, she's no longer that person and therefore no longer relevant. In her og verse Stasia knows all the face value details (name, birthday, place of birth etc.) because Carly did care for her younger brother and arranged for funds to be sent to him for his care in his older years and so her nieces and nephews could have a decent inheritance. Other than that good luck, I hope you survive.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

Carly used to have a lot of nightmares when she was fresh from the abuse of her mother and in her og verse from WWII being in the London bombings and taking on being a field nurse essentially. It gets a little complicated in that she's younger in ffxiv when she kills her mother and runs away from it vs og verse where she's an adult and uses the war to get away from her, because the dreams themselves are different and present differently.

In her og verse she has a deep fear of her mother coming back into her life and dictating it that she never dreamed of her mother beating her but of morphing into her because of the control her mother would exert. It wouldn't wake her in a cold sweat but in her everyday life you could see it in the way she made choices in life. She threw herself into the war effort of the USO to get sent overseas, once there she had quick and fast relationships hoping to find a decent man to marry so that her mother could have no say in her life since she'd be married. She moved to Vegas under a fake name to get in with the mob or at least someone powerful to just keep the little power she did have being out from her mother. Stasia provided the most for her and it created that deep loyalty to her.

In ffxiv she's 16 when she murders her mother and is on the run and she has nightmares every night of the abuse and they worsen on the days she didn't have much to eat since she was also starved to keep a dancer's physique. She's convinced in some way that her mother would come back for her and it would all begin again, which was unfounded because she dismembered that woman. But it all weighed so heavily because she was a kid and had nothing else to fall back on nor means to really make a name for herself given her half Garlean status, so there was a time where she just figured it was better to be dead then trying to keep looking for something to hold on to. However it was this act that brought her to finding the job stone of a Dark Knight and learning how to fight which would lead to her joining up in the Garlean army and finding herself under Gaius' charge until she was found by Stasia. The nightmares stopped after she took up Dark Knight, but unlike og verse where they stopped because she found power, in ffxiv its because she very literally let her dark side take over and inhabits her body. (a little weird and hard to explain but like it works guess think of it like Venom and their host getting along)

[storytime-reviews]

Romantic Comedy Book Review

With a series of heartbreaks under her belt, Sally Milz - successful script writer for a legendary late-night TV comedy show - has long abandoned the search for love.

But when her friend and fellow writer begins to date a glamorous actress, he joins the growing club of interesting but average-looking men who get romantically involved with accomplished, beautiful women. Sally channels her annoyance into a sketch, poking fun at this 'social rule'. The reverse never happens for a woman.

Then Sally meets Noah, a pop idol with a reputation for dating models. But this isn't a romantic comedy - it's real life. Would someone like him ever date someone like her?

Rating: ★★★ 1/2

So my main problem is that there were some aspects of this book that I loved and some that I really didn't like, although I will admit that the narrative gets better along the way. Most of my issues with Romantic Comedy occurred in the first third or so, so it's surprising that I actually continued with it. I guess you could say that I saw some promise in it, and I am glad that I kept going.

Something that stood out to me with the first third or so of the book, much of which occurs at the studio in which Sally works as a comedy writer (clearly inspired by Saturday Night Live) is that for a book about a comedy writer, Romantic Comedy is just not funny. That's not to say it has to be, the problem is that this book is definitely trying to be, and it just isn't. Especially when it focuses so heavily on the comedy sketches at the beginning. I also didn't like how Noah spoke in that first pitch meeting, it sounded so fake, like when you can tell a character is written because it just doesn't feel realistic.

Sally is incredibly preoccupied with the appearance of other women to the point it's incredibly noticeable and felt uncomfortable for me to read. In using her point of view here I understand it's meant to get the point across that she's different, and really emphasise she's not someone that a musical star would typically fall for, but it felt like too much. Something else that just didn't work for me in this book is how some of the 'issues' mentioned feel very performative, especially with the two white main characters discussing racism and BLM protests.

However, once Romantic Comedy switched to the emails format, I found myself enjoying this book immensely. It was fun to be a little bit different, and a great way to showcase the perspectives of both Sally and Noah and get them interacting a little more directly. I loved this approach because it allowed them to develop their banter and chemistry and kept it interesting as they dealt with constant miscommunication, defensiveness and jealousy issues.

Their interactions feel realistic, especially the ways in which they respond negatively and then have to work on their communication to address their feelings. Of course they make plenty of mistakes and assumptions about each other, but I loved watching it play out as they struggled to stop letting their own issues impact on the other person. There is plenty of chemistry between them, especially in those emails. In fact, I think Sittenfeld did her best writing with these emails than in any of the other scenes.

Sally in particular gets combative and aggressive when things get real and become emotional, and I love it so much because it makes her real to me. Because this is exactly what I do. So as much as some aspects of her characterisation drive me nuts, there are other parts like this that make me so glad I read this book until the end. The characterisations of both Sally and Noah are deepened throughout the narrative and pulled apart and put back together. What I also enjoy about their relationship is that they call each other out on their shit.

Warnings: sexism & misogyny, references to racism, references to drug use and addiction, references to eating disorders and suicide, sex scenes

[lunapwrites]

This week, because I felt like treating myself, I picked up a new Oracle deck. The one I've been using up til now is a Goddess Oracle, and while I've found it very helpful during specific issues and it will absolutely still have a place in my practice, it is extremely gendered in its expression and so I needed something that spoke to the genderless cryptid in me. Sooo animals it is haha. Anyway, I worked it into my month at a glance practice as I finished up my work day today, and so far... I think we're vibing. Here's the whole mess.

I started by drawing the rune for the day: Hagalaz.

First, the fact that I am ending the month of June on the exact same rune I started it on is... telling. This month sucked! There was a lot going on, and very little of it was good. This rune represents chaos, destruction, transformation, etc... It means "hail" so... consider the damage that hail does. That's kinda where we're at here. But the important thing to remember here is that the storms are temporary, and you learn where not to park your car in the process. So I'm coming out of this month a little worse for wear, but we're learning.

Next, I drew my cards specifically with the intention of looking forward to the month of July: what am I coming in with, what are we going to encounter, and what am I leaving with?

NEAT.

So Four of Cups absolutely tracks. I am... not really in a good place at the moment? This whole chronic illness thing has been kicking my ass on a psychological level as well as physical, so... yeah, the depression card makes sense here lol. I'm coming into July with sad bitch energy.

King of Wands is an interesting play here. About half the time it shows up, it's representing my partner, and I think that's the case here - he's an island in the sea of awful. However, given the arguably negative aspect to this card's position, it's most likely also warning against setting unrealistic expectations for myself. Which... tracks.

This is supported by our good buddy Ten of Swords here in the future position, which... well, the good news is that the ten card is the "completion" card. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and The Horrors are going to be concluding. The bad news: I still have to finish experiencing The Horrors. Which... I guess I expected. This ain't gonna resolve itself in a day.

In short, July is also gonna suck, but... in a less depressing way? And it's probably going to look up in August. So that's... Good I guess lol.

So finally, I decided to check in with my new Oracle deck about what energy I should approach the coming month with. And the answer it gave me:

Keep finding happiness in the little things, and hold onto that light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let circumstances keep you down.

So... deep breaths. It's gonna suck. But remember to see the good, no matter how small.

[nwemovie]

The Trailer For The Film ‘The Era Of 1990,’ Released

The trailer for the film ‘The Era of 1990,’ starring Sara Khan, Arjun Manhas, and Mir Sarwar, is now released.

The trailer launch event for the film ‘The Era of 1990,’ starring beautiful actress Sara Khan, Arjun Manhas, and Mir Sarwar, took place on January 30, 2023 in Mumbai, in presence of the cast and crew of the film.

‘The film is directed by Shahid Kazmi, who has previously directed more than 22 projects and has been nominated for 5 FILMFARE AWARDS.

The Era of 1990

The entire cast and crew of the long-awaited film were ecstatic at the release of ‘The Era of 1990’s trailer. Sara Khan, Arjun Manhas, Mir Sarwar, and other cast members spoke openly about their filming experiences. Arjun Manhas, the lead actor, explained how he had to go for the tanned look in order to fit into the protagonist role, as well as the dangerous action sequences that he performed without any harness, resulting in numerous injuries. Not only Arjun, but all of the actors in the film worked hard to make it look the way it does now. Friends, family, and members of the media praised the film’s trailer and praised the cast and crew.

Everyone at the occasion enjoyed the trailer of the film ‘The Era of 1990’ and can’t wait to watch it when it comes out.

Sara Khan

At the event, Sara Khan looked as stunning as ever. she was lastly seen in ‘Hamari Adhuri Kahani’ movie playing a vital role and is  now all ready to win hearts with her wonderful performance in ‘The Era of 1990’. She spoke about her happiness and pleasure while filming the film. She also stated that she admires Director Shahid Kazmi’s work and this is her second collaboration with him. Sara had previously worked with Shahid Kazmi on ISHQ WALA LOVE, which will be released soon. She like working with him since he is not only a focused director but also a focused professional and a fantastic human being. He makes the work environment comfortable and worthwhile.

The  ‘The Era of 1990’ is an out and out commercial film, but it is also very realistic, based on the very interesting subject of Bollywood Movie Piracy Scam in the 1990’s worldwide.

cast

The film sheds light on and exposes the details of hindi movie piracy. The film’s lead actors are popular and beautiful actress Sara Khan, and Arjun Manhas, a rough and tough actor. Mir Sarwar, who has appeared in films such as Kesari, Panipat, Chanakya, Jai Hind, Pawan Putra, and web series such as The Family Man, Bard of Blood, Bhram, and Special Ops, has given a powerful performance in the negative role in Shahid Kazmi’s upcoming directorial ‘The Era of 1990’.

plot

According to director Shahid Kazmi,”The Bollywood industry is significantly impacted by online piracy,  The annual loss brought on by online music and movie piracy is alarming.I wanted to demonstrate to the audience how widespread online piracy is, how it affects business, and how it costs the Bollywood unjustifiably much money.

crew

“I am very thankful for all my actors and crew for their support and their belief in me ‘The Era of 1990’ exposes the online piracy scam in a cinematic manner with intense action and a love story that keeps things intriguing. Like you, I am confident that the viewers will love the film and learn about the piracy scam, despite the fact that it is set in the 1990s. I can tell you that Sara Khan has delivered a never-before-seen performance as a lover girl”.

The film ‘The Era of 1990’ is set to be released in theatres on March 3, 2023. The film is produced by Jagjeet Singh and Shahid Kazmi under the banners of Shahid Kazmi Films and H.S Rissam Films.

[awesomeuchuu]

Kanata listened attentively as Sonia spoke about Byakuya Togami. He had to admit that he was surprised; it seemed like she had a lot to say, and while she spoke very clearly and articulately – from years and years of training, no doubt – he still needed a moment to process what she had said, because there were a lot of words. And there was also the fact that she was extremely smooth when it came to the way she discussed the Togami heir. She was right, of course, it absolutely wouldn’t do to speak ill of someone of that position, but didn’t she almost manage to do just that, without seemingly use any negative words or phrases? It… Was a game of sorts, Kanata realized. A game he wasn’t equipped to play, but it was fascinating none the less, and she seemed very well versed in it.

“I can… Understand some of that,” Kanata more or less whispered. He too shot a nervous glance around, but it seemed like people’s attention was focused on the penguins and not the two odd teenagers sitting a little ways away on their own. If people didn’t recognize Sonia, perhaps they would simply assume that they were a couple out on a date and wanted some private time while also enjoying the antics of the penguins. Kanata shot a glance at the little critters, a soft smile on his lips. Then, he continued:

“But I do not see how someone’s… interest could be… something that Byakuya would have a reason to judge? Are not everyone allowed things that make them happy? …As long as they do not hurt others… I think that perhaps… It is not healthy to be too… Set in one’s ways, one way or the other. I know that I have been, in the past. And I am trying to change, for the better. Not only for my own sake, but… I make no one happy if I do not… ‘transform’.” Henshin, like the Kamen Rider heroes that Chiaki admired so much.

If you were to ask Kanata though, his very own hero was Chiaki and no one else. …Or perhaps, his first hero. You were allowed to admire more than one person, you were allowed to have more than one person as your ideal to strive toward, no?

“I… Think that you know Emperor-san more than I do, yes… But I think that you are correct. He is very passionate about idols. I think… He has not had much other than idols that has brought him joy before. It is simply me guessing, but…” Kanata frowned, Eichi’s pale visage swimming in front of his eyes. “I think that he is like me in that regard. I did not have much that made me passionate… Happy… Before I encountered idols.” He laughed. “All thanks to Madara~♪”

“Coral reefs are the nursery for many fish and other creatures and their home… It is as you say, beauty and protection and di—diver—diversity? I think this is the word…” Again, language was hard. Words were hard.

As the crowd cheered, Kanata spared a moment to stand up, trying to get a better view, and he waved happily at the penguin diving into the tank, regardless of the bird noticing him or not. “Hehehe~! Good boy, good boy…”

Resuming his seat, Kanata scooted just a little closer to Sonia, smile still on his face. “I do not know those movies, but I would love to see them all! Spooky, scary~♪ Hehehe… Oh, and I was meaning to ask you…”

“I have talked about Madara a little… I would like to know if you have a best friend, Sonia? Who are they? What do you do when you are together with them?” Maybe she even had someone she was interested in? Clearly not this Byakuya. (Kanata guessed. He wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but that was one can of worms he would leave alone for now.) Asking his new friend about her love life seemed awfully intrusive though, and although Kanata was highly curious and inquisitive by nature, he had learned the hard way when enough was enough and that there were certain things you simply didn’t ask about unprompted.

When one had to remain in a state of composed expressions for so long, for so much of her life at home, Sonia had a knack of knowing when one was overcome with emotion but without a method of displaying it. She didn't know much about Kanata's upbringing, but what she could gather was that he was similar: rules, from those in charge, that dictated how he'd present himself, how the world would see him. Even now, out with a friend in a public place where patrons were far more interested in the likes of hungry penguins than two teenagers, he seemed unable to fully display the extent of what Sonia could only discern as relief. Similar, she guessed, to what she felt when she'd first made her first real friends: Class 77-B. "There is nothing wrong with sharing in life's experiences, the things in-common, or being common for that matter," She told him gently. Even if the penguins and otters were the ones who were supposed to make a scene, that didn't mean it couldn't happen between the two of them. "Besides, we are not here to read a dictionary," She grinned, referencing her choice of word that hadn't registered with him. "We are here to visit the aquatic residents. Think nothing of it."

She knew the otters weren't Kanata's favorite: for as much as he spoke of the ocean and fish, it was clear he'd rather spend his time around the giant tanks, particularly the ones built over indoor footpaths that visitors could walk through and have all manner of fish swim around them, from stingrays to sharks. But Sonia loved the playfulness of the otters and the penguins, all sequestered in their little groups, their little families, content in the company of each other and those who minded them. A true, devoted friendship, even if they were not of the same bloodline. Something that, she flinched as Kanata pressed his line of inquiry further, the person in question did not possess.

"It will not do to be on record speaking ill of anyone, particularly Byakuya Togami," She replied, straightening and allowing the otter to swim off. Just as well: it was nearly time for the penguin feeding anyway. "But he is the sort of person where the what and who he is are one and the same. I see him often, as we are often invited to the same sorts of events for work, but we...well, we disagree on some fundamental values."

Sonia sighed, lowering herself onto one of the benches situated a small distance away from the rest of the growing crowd. When discussing some of the nation's most powerful families, you never knew who could be listening in. Some things were just like home in that sense. "Togami-san places value on others by means of social status, of family name, of wealth and power, of respectable business and career, even of personal interests. He is a logical person, able to understand the why and how of many things, and such a will, I would imagine, has brought him to the position he holds today. But for the things he does not value or understand, people and pursuits he deems beneath him purely because they lack the social status or family name he respects, he is cruel towards." She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"As if family name or wealth truly measures a person's worth," She continued dismissively. "It is their character that matters, how they treat others. How they choose to live an honest life, with compassion and love. But I do not think he agrees: it clashes with his sense of business, or sense of purpose in the world. This is why I say Eichi-san differs from him: he truly cares about the company and those who work for him and his family, in a way I do not believe Togami-san does. Not in the same sense, anyway."

Still, her friend put her in a better mood. Kanata usually did: he had a unique way of viewing the world around him. Perhaps just as eccentric as Sonia herself: it took one to know one, and he had seemingly grown up just as protected, just as sheltered, as she had. Sonia smiled, even though his story about the plankton and the whale hadn't warranted it. It was, instead, for the other. "A coral reef...they come in so many colors, and shapes, and sizes no?" She offered, "And they bring joy to people, and shelter for fish in need. Yes, I would enjoy being likened to a coral reef. It encompasses the beauty of life's differences and a place to belong. Perhaps we might see some in the other parts of the aquarium?"

Soon, other spectators took their seats on the various benches and waited for the show to begin. Sonia laughed, as the aquarium staff tossed fish in the air and in the tanks for the penguins to dive and flip for, explaining the various species of penguin in-between their tricks. "Truth be told, Kanata-san, I believe families should be made up of those who love each other. Not restricted to certain genders or roles or what have you, but I am certain my family does not agree with that assessment," Sonia told him in-between giggles, just as cheers erupted for another penguin who had dived into the tank in search of his food. "But I am permitted to have friends visit on occasion. I should very much like to invite you, and Eichi-san, and other friends if desired to visit Novoselic! I would preface this, though, considering the idol groups you are a part of...there may be a request to perform in a concert or two. A proper concert hall, nothing just for the family or some such thing. I could even show you some of my favorite horror films: Jaws isn't the only one featuring marine life. There's Open Water, or Piranha, or the classic Creature from the Black Lagoon!"

[limmastyles]

They are going to talk about how she lied on Florence, they’re going to talk about how she was cheating on Jason with Harry, they’re going to talk about how she was playing place in towards the end and they’re going to talk about the fact that she’s a problematic person. Everything that we have been saying about her for the past two years they are going to use against Olivia. The shit that they have been defending her for they are going to start hating her for. This attention that she’s getting I don’t think she realizes that the only reason people are paying attention to hers because of her the only reason why she’s relevant is because of Harry. Take Harry out of the equation and she’s back to where she first started but with a worse reputation

I don’t think Olivia realizes just how bad it is. There are a lot of people in the industry that will defend her because she is a white woman in this industry and she will always get offended. A lot of hairy fans are defending her because she is in close proximity to hairy and they feel like he will care about them more if they defend the people in his life. But what happens is when Harry fans see that Harry is being attacked they will attack that person. Olivia and her team will try to paint her as the victim and try to paint Harry as a bad person. That’s when his fans are going to strike. All of the tea and receipts that we have about Olivia that they defend and try to reboot they will use against Olivia. Everything that we have been saying about her will become their new topic of discussion. Again hairy admitted to being a shitty boyfriend to Camille and cheating on her and fans Still try to defend him like he wasn’t a shitty boyfriend. They will turn their backs on Olivia. Because the people that ship her and Harry aren’t Olivia fans their Harry fans. The break up article is going to spark the Olivia Hate train all over again. Harry and his team are very smart and probably made her side and I’ll disclosure agreement so therefore she can’t say much about him. After about a week there was something that is going to interest people more in the celebrity news cycle and people will forget about Harry and Olivia. She will continue to do her paid paparazzi shoots but without his Murch and people will stop caring and start pointing out what we have been saying all along is that she called the paparazzi on her self and she isn’t famous enough for people to care about the pictures. Harry will continue on with his life and Olivia will try to cling on to the relevancy that he gave her. And when Harry gets a new girlfriend and starts dating someone new people will completely forget about Olivia because she isn’t as relevant as the other people that he stated and that’s that. She will lose Harry’s team as an ally, all of the connections that she has will fade. She won’t be wearing Gucci anymore, Harry Lambert won’t be styling her, she won’t get all of these fancy interviews and magazine covers and show feedback into obscurity. Harry will continue to be Harry styles and continue to have a great big career, and Olivia will continue to be a relevant like she has been her entire career. The only issue is there are a lot of people in the industry they’re not gonna want to work with her because of how bad her reputation is. If news got out about what happen on the side of don’t worry darling but also Florence ever spoke about it she’s fucked. She spent too much time trying to build her own image and a really negative light and try to bring so much attention to a relationship that everyone can tell is fake That she wasn’t smart enough to use Harry’s fanbase to help enhance her career. She spent so much time go out to his concerts and wanting to be seen with him and paying paparazzi to take photos of her that she wasn’t doing actual work. We all know that she lost that movie perfect, we all know that she doesn’t have that spider woman deal anymore, we all know that she’s not going to be a part of the DCEU. She will continue to make bad movies and continue to feel in her career because we all know Jason is it gonna take her back after this and she’s not gonna have anybody to suck for attention and connections.

[misnomera]

On racial stereotyping of the Haans in TMA...

Right so as someone who is ethnically Chinese I have NO FUCKING clue how I didn’t notice this more distinctly in my initial binge of tma (going too fast and not paying closer attention to character names and descriptions, probably) but the Haan family storyline is, all horror elements aside, pretty fucked up in terms of racial representation re: stereotyping. This got long as hell, but please please please take a moment to read through if you’ve got time for it. thanks.

To start off, the Haans are one of the few characters in tma with an explicitly specified race and ethnicity—Chinese—and pretty much the only explicitly Chinese characters in tma, other than the mostly unimportant librarian (Zhang Xiaoling) from Beijing. But like, Haan isn’t even a properly Chinese surname, at least not in the way that it’s spelled in canon (it should be Han, one a. A quick google search tells me that Haan as a surname has...Dutch origins??).

Of course, that could be chalked up to shoddy anglicization processes within family histories, which certainly isn’t uncommon with immigrant families, so I’m not going to dwell on names too much (although I also find it interesting that John Haan’s name is so specifically and weirdly anglicized that he changed his own surname?? Hun Yung to John Haan is a very big leap of a name change and frankly not very believable. ANYWAY, this is not that important. I don’t expect Jonny, a white Englishman, to come up with perfectly unquestionable non-Cho-Chang-like Chinese names, though it certainly would be nice. Moving on).

What really bothers me about the Haans is how they almost exclusively and explicitly play into negative Chinese immigrant stereotypes. I don’t even feel like I need to say it because it’s like...it’s literally Right There, folks. John Haan (in ep 72) owns and operates a sketchy takeout restaurant. They’re all avatars of the Flesh—and John Haan is Specifically horrific and terrifying because he cooked his wife’s human meat and fed it to his unknowing customers. Does that remind you of any stereotypes which accuse Chinese people of consuming societally unacceptable and ethically questionable things like dog/cat/bat meat (which, if it’s not already crystal fucking clear, we don’t. do that.), which in turn characterize us as horrible unfeeling monsters? John Haan’s characterization feeds (haha, badum tss) directly into this harmful stereotype that have caused very real pain for Chinese people and East Asians in general. 

And Jonny does nothing to address that from within his writing (and not out of it either). And, speaking on a more meta level, Jonny could’ve easily had these flesh avatars be individuals of any race (like, what’s Jared Hopworth’s ethnicity? Do we know? No? Well then). Conversely, he could’ve easily, easily had a Chinese person be an avatar of any other entity. So why did he have to chose specifically the Flesh?

(This is a rhetorical question. You know why. Racial stereotyping and invoking a fear of the other in an attempt to enhance horror, babey~)

On Tom Haan’s side, Jonny seems weirdly intent on having other characters repeatedly comment on his accent (or rather, lack thereof) in relation to his race. Think about how, in ep 30 (killing floor), the fact that Tom Haan had spoken a line to the statement giver in “perfect English” was an emphasized beat in that statement, and a beat that was supposed to be “chilling” and meant to signify to us that something was, quote-unquote, “not right” with Tom Haan. Implicitly, that’s saying that it was unexpected, not “normal”, and in this case even eerie, for someone who looks Chinese to have spoken in fluid, unbroken English. Mind you, the line itself was perfectly scary on its own (“you cannot stop the slaughter by closing the door”), so why did Jonny feel the need to note the accent in which it was spoken in? Why did Jonny HAVE to have that statement giver note, that he initially “wasn’t even sure how much English [Haan] spoke”? 

This happens again in episode 72 with a Chinese man (and again, his ethnicity is Explicitly Noted) who we assume is also Tom Haan. This one is rather ironically funny and kind of painfully self aware, because the statement giver expresses surprise at Haan’s “crisp RP accent” and then immediately “felt bad about making the assumption that he couldn’t speak English,” and subsequently admitted that thought was “low-key racist.” Like, from a writing perspective, this entire passage is roundabout, pointless, and says absolutely nothing helpful to enhance the horror genre experience for listeners (instead it just sounded like some sort of half-assed excuse so Jonny or other listeners could say “look! We’ve addressed the racism!” You didn’t. It just made me vaguely uncomfortable). And again, having other people comment on our accents/lack thereof while assuming we are foreign is a Very Real microaggression that east asians face on the daily. If Jonny needed some filler sentences for pacing he could’ve written about Literally anything else. So why point out, yet again, that the crazy murderous man was foreign and Chinese? 

At this point, you might say, right, but yknow, it was just that the statement givers were kind of racist! It happens! Yeah sure, ok, that’s a passable in-universe explanation for descriptions of Tom Haan (though not John Haan, mind you), but the statement givers are fake made up people, and statement’s still written by Jonny, who absolutely has all the power to write overt discrimination out of his stories. And he does! Think about just how many minor (and major!!) characters are so, so carefully written as completely aracial, and do not have their ethnicity implicated at all in whatever horrors they may or may not be committing. Think about how many lgbtq+ characters have given statements, and have been in statements, without having faced direct forms of discrimination, or portrayed as embodying blatant stereotypes in their stories (though lgbtq+ rep in tma certainly has their own issues that I won’t go into here). Jonny can clearly write characters this way, and he can do it well. So why, why, am I being constantly, repeatedly reminded in-text of the fact that the Haans are East Asian, that they’re from China, that they’re Chinese immigrants, that they’re second-generation British Chinese or whatever the fuck, and that they’re also horrifying conduits for blood, gore, and general fucked-up-ness? It’s absolutely not something that is Needed for the stories to be an effective piece of horror; the only thing it does is perpetuate incredibly harmful and hurtful stereotypes.

And listen, I love tma to bits. It’s taken over my blog. I’ve really loved my interactions with the fandom. And I am consistently blown away by Jonny’s writing and how well he’s able to weave foreshadowing and plot into an incredibly complex collection of stories. But I absolutely Cannot stop thinking about the Haans because it’s just. It’s such a blatant display of racial stereotyping in writing. And I’ve certainly seen a few voices talking about it here and there, and I don’t know if I’m just not looking in the right places, but it certainly feels like something that is just straight up not on the radar for a lot of tma fans. And I’m disappointed about that. 

Just, I don’t know. Take a look at those episodes again and do some of your own thinking about why these characters had to be specifically Chinese (answer: they didn’t.). And in general, PLEASE for the love of god turn a critical eye on character portrayals and descriptions whenever they are assigned specific races/ethnicities (Some examples that come to mind are Jude Perry, Annabelle Cane, and Diego Molina), because similar issues, to an extent, extend beyond the Haans, though I haven’t covered them here. 

You shouldn’t need a POC to do point out these problems for you when they’re so glaringly There. But for those of you who really didn’t know, hope this was informative in some way. I’m tired, man. If some of the only significant Chinese characters you write are violent cannibalistic men with a perverted relationship with meat, just don’t do it. Please don’t do it. 

EDIT: Since the making of this post Jonny has acknowledged and apologized for these portrayals on his twitter and in the Rusty Quill Operations Update, which went up September 2020. A long time coming, but better late than never. This of course doesn’t necessarily negate the harm done by Jonny’s writing, and doesn’t make me much less angry about it, but is appreciated nonetheless. For more on this topic there’s a lot of productive discussions happening in my “#tma crit” tag and in the notes of this post

[waxhouse]

OC GHOSTFACE | CAMERON FOSTER

tag | playlist (under construction) art by me!

quick facts:

cameron “cam” foster; also occasionally uses aliases with different surnames (mason, smith, baker, etc)

born 1990; canon age at the time of her ghostface killings is roughly 24.

5′4″ and a little sensitive about it, but in a way that she just gets annoyed when people point it out. she knows she’s short! prior to the inciting incident that makes her take up the mantle of ghost-face, she’s of a thin, soft, average build. by the time she’s killing people, she’s purposefully built up a decent amount of muscle and is quite physically fit. she tends to look pretty blank when she’s not actively interacting with someone.

american; she’s mixed native (lakota & a hodge-podge of french, english, irish, scottish ancestry) but doesn’t really show it or address it all that much, mostly because she knows it draws negative attention. her skin tone is quite olive-y, if she’s out in the sun she can get pretty brown, but people usually just assume she’s a tan white person. (her sister and mom aren’t quite as white-passing as he is, he just kind of ended up looking more like her dad.)

she’s autistic, with her long-time special interest being my little pony (prior even to the brony fandom--more on that later). she’s learned to mask relatively well, but she tends to be easily strung along/carried away, and is often (sometimes secretly) very earnest. there are times when she says something seriously and plays it off as a coolguy joke.

not really raised with a solid religion. her mother was spiritual, though had a hard time reconnecting with her cultural religious beliefs as a result of generational trauma, and being a survivor of a residential school. her father was non-denominational christian on the surface, but privately didn’t seem to have much belief of his own. cam has never really known where to sit with religion herself, but much like her mother, she’s privately vaguely spiritual.

bisexual, tends to be attracted to men more often, but is very closeted about this. she’s learned that if often draws peoples ire (pre-transition/figuring out that she was a trans woman) and knows that a lot of her “friends” are vaguely homophobic.

born in pennsylvania, raised both there & in d.c., where she still lives until it’s time for her to become ghostface. she has a weird, distant relationship with her parents, and has always connected more with her older sister-- she’s always been more understanding of cam’s autism and behaviors that come with it. she lives with her & her young son.

had a hard time getting & staying employed for awhile, until she wasn’t really able to be employed anymore as a result of being doxxed by someone who she thought was her friend. she worked at gamestop for awhile, and attended a community college with an interest in media and technology, especially computers and coding. she was pretty good at it.

speaking of doxxing and coding-- cam was a part of a group of amateur hackers who were loosely “friends”, and frequented sites like reddit and 4chan. one “friend” of hers was deacon billings (a ghostface himself, property of @aggravatetheaxe), someone who she greatly admired, and even harbored secret romantic feelings for. deacon and others in their group were often annoyed by cam. the straw that seems to have broke the camel’s back came about in 2010, when she became fixated on the new my little pony t.v. show. she’d been planning on watching it already, and when people in the communities she was in started watching it ironically. earnestly believing other people were into it, she unabashedly praised it and spoke about it. deacon & the others came up with a cruel joke where they would catfish and then doxx cam. they were successful, and this effectively ruined her both professionally and personally, leaving her friendless and jobless. she retreated into herself and became bitter and hateful, especially when she realized that it was deacon at the heart of it.

in the time she was unemployed and recovering from the doxxing, she began to experiment with her identity, and ultimately came out as a trans woman. her family was accepting and kind about it, especially where she was having a difficult time already.

cameron became obsessed with absolutely and totally ruining deacon’s life, and began to use all the time that she suddenly had on her hands to stalk him--both in real life and in person, as much as she could.

by 2014, cameron had made her way cross-country, killing off people from deacon’s work life, and working her way through their list of former friends. this culminated in her kidnapping sidney prescott, then deacon’s partner, which would ultimately be her last mistake.

following this, i’m unsure about her fate! she might have died (likely) or survived and skulked off to go lick her wounds, ready for another attempt at deacon’s life, and sidney’s.

[thomas-the-tank-engene]

Too Late

pairing: heeseung x reader, jay x reader (platonic),

genre: angst :,)

wc: 1.5k

warnings: none hopefully

a/n: this is not based on my life rn im doing so good mhmm ._.

(lmao this is literally me ranting pretty much there is no real fic, but i might write another one depending on what happens within the next week or so, may delete this later anyway sooo...)

summary: you realise your feelings for heeseung are mutual too late

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but someone has to,” Jay spoke, eyes already overflowing with pity. You didn’t like where this was going. Nothing good ever came after a sentence like that. The elder boy glanced around, perhaps waiting to see if anyone else was eavesdropping on their conversation in the small indie cafe, sitting on the outskirts of the city.

“You know, I’m not even supposed to know.” You rolled your eyes, wanting Jay to just get it over with and tell you. He was probably just exaggerating. Jay was definitely a drama queen. It was most likely something small that had nothing to do with you. However, the sincere concern rolling off of him like waves told a different story. He gazed at you like you were a fragile piece of glass. Dread began to build in your stomach. You unconsciously began to play with the sachet of sugar placed on your saucer beside the coffee. Listening as the individual grains danced with each other.

“No one can know I told you this. And you especially can’t do anything. You have to pretend you never heard what I’m about to tell you. Just continue like nothing happened.” Well now you were just tired of waiting, you wanted to know. What information could make Jay this antsy, and why was it so important to you specifically? It seemed as if the noise of the cafe stilled, also interested in Jay’s story of the week.

“Just tell me already Jay, I get the message. It's totally top secret. I won’t tell anyone. My only friends are you guys anyway so who else would I tell besides Hee-ryung.” You crossed your arms, attempting to appear nonchalant, but on the inside, you were far from it. Overactive imagination running wild with possibilities. Jay seemed to cringe at the end of your statement, moving his head around once more. You sighed loudly and finally, he breathed in deep, mouth open ready to let the truth fall from his lips.

“Hee-ryung and heeseung have been dating for three months.”

You tried to show no response, attempting to be unaffected by the news. That was harder than one might imagine. Your heart and mind betrayed you, clearly displaying the negative emotions coursing through your body right now for the older boy to see.

Your very own friend, and the guy you had liked since you were 15, were dating. No matter how many times you had told yourself over the last three years that you were over him, it never seemed to be the case. He’d always find a way to slither back in and make himself at home in your heart.

Was that why Hee-ryung asked if you still liked him a few months ago? Probably. You couldn’t believe she would do such a thing. And why wouldn’t she tell you?

You’d been friends since diapers. But the more you thought about it, the more sense it made.

You’d only decided to tell her less than a year ago. When you finally thought you were close enough friends so that she wouldn’t go run and tell him as soon as she got the chance. She smiled at first, but it felt forced. You didn’t think about it much at the time, knowing it was exam season and she was probably just tired. But she was bubbly and excited before you told her.

And yes, the pair of them were close, people always commenting on the fact that they looked like a couple. However, both denied such claims. Making vomiting sounds at the mere suggestion. But thinking about it now, you remember it was more so him, that would have a negative reaction, while she remained silent. Only giving a reaction if specifically asked. “No he’s like a brother to me, I could never date him.”

Well, that was a fucking lie.

Would it burn less if she told you herself?

You breathed in deep, trying to just listen to what Jay had to say for now. You could think about it later.

“They aren’t telling many people at the moment, but Hee-ryung told me the other day.”

He was silent for a few seconds, causing you to abruptly stand up. The air in the cafe suddenly too suffocating. However, Jay spoke up again.

“That’s not all,” You froze. If there was more, did you really want to know?

Maybe it was best if you didn’t. How were you supposed to act like you didn’t know the first piece of information, let alone more?

Your heart longed to know more. A sick part of you loved torturing yourself with the truth, so, you sat back down, and looked at Jay expectantly.

He bit his lip for a second, sighing loudly as if debating on telling you or sparing your heart.

“Just tell me,” You stated.

“Okay, well apparently, heeseung used to like you too, but he gave up because you're moving soon.”

Well shit.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Your head was empty. No thoughts could be formed. But the sounds of the small coffee shop echoed through the void.

“Apparently someone told him that you couldn’t do long distance, so he gave up.”

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

You knew who told him that.

You’d asked her for advice, seeing as she was one of his best friends.

“As much as I love you babes I have, to be honest. I don’t know if it would work. You’re moving away next year, and he’s staying here. I know he could make a long-distance relationship work, but could you?”

“Well, I think that I’d be alrigh-”

“We can't fight what the heart wants, can we? Would you be able to resist your desires while you’re so far apart?”

You didn’t respond after she said that. How could you? What was she accusing you of? Who did she think you were? Unloyal? Certainly not.

“So personally, my guess is that after heeseung decided to get over you, she swooped in and they’ve been dating pretty much ever since.” Jay continued, unaware of the turmoil going on inside.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

Clink. Splosh. Slurp. Eeek. Crunch. Crack.

“Are you okay?” Jay asks hesitantly.

And you decide that you are.

Smiling at the boy, you nod your head. Jay isn’t certain he believes you but attempts to return the smile. In fact, he’s almost put off by your response.

“There’s nothing I can do about it anyway. And they’re both my close friends, so I’m happy for them. Plus, I wouldn’t want to ruin anything. They both mean a lot to me and their happiness should come first.” You felt almost robotic. Like you had to be okay. Like that was a response written by the author in your head.

“You’re allowed to be upset. I would be. She’s your friend.”

Crack.

“Yeah, she was.”

Maybe if you’d been a little bit more observant, you would have noticed. Would you have saved yourself from this heartache?

You recall her bringing him up on one occasion. Jokingly, you had asked for her to tell you his faults, hoping to dull the crush that seemed to burn so bright inside of you.

“If I’m being honest, he really has no faults, he’s just an all-round amazing guy. His only fault is being faultless.”

Well, that was as clear a sign as any.

How could you not see then? That those were not the words of a mere friend but of a fool drunk on love. Too blinded by their obsession for a person to see the truth. Even you weren’t too dumb to ignore the truth.

You knew for a fact he had a crippling addiction to energy drinks, to the point that it was getting concerning. You knew that he wasn’t good at being serious in professional situations. Often goofing around in front of the Senior Headmaster in high school. And you knew that he wasn’t always that nice to his younger brother.

Were you just as much a fool as her for liking him while still knowing his faults?

You’d decided that it was enough torture for today.

“Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.” You smiled at the older boy, although it most likely appeared as a grimace.

“Hey, any time. And if you need me, or want to rant, or just want some company, I'm only a message away.”

“Thanks Jay,”

Said boy, sensing your need to be alone, slowly got up. He gave your head a small pat before heading off and out of the cafe, into the frost of the evening.

You didn’t want to cry over a boy. That was just sad and pathetic and you were certainly not that desperate. But you couldn’t help the few that escaped.

Maybe if you’d worked up the courage to tell him how you really felt you wouldn’t be here right now.

Sitting at a slightly sticky table in a small cafe, with the sound of teacups chiming and your heart cracking echoing in your ears.

It was all too little, too late.

[m-y-fandoms]

COMMISSION: Kokichi Ouma x Female Reader - Love-Hate Relationship

Thank you to my patron/client! Kokichi is always fun to write

Summary: Kokichi starts to fall for the only person in the killing game who likes him. His best friend is always on his side and has true feelings for him both platonically and romantically, but will he ruin everything with his harsh words and lies?

Friends to Enemies back to Friends to Lovers LMAO - ANGST and FLUFF

Warnings: Vulgar Language, otherwise SFW - Admin Myah

Word Count: 5.1K words 

When it all began, people didn’t like Kokichi. (Y/N) found this little fact out quite quickly. It was quite obvious. He was loud, and obnoxious, and stubborn, and whiny, and a great many other negative adjectives one would use to describe, say… an elementary school student.

 But! … he was also a great many other amazingly fantastical things, such as cunning, intelligent, hilarious, perceptive, adorable. These were the things (Y/N) saw in him, these and a lot more endearing qualities, these things the others seemingly refused to see in him. Even the more intelligent and reasonable of her peers, such as the intuitive detective Shuichi Saihara or the studied anthropologist Korekiyo Shinguuji could admit Kokichi was intelligent, but not much else. (Y/N) didn’t understand it. She truly didn’t think Kokichi was all that awful. Why weren’t they seeing what she saw? From the moment they all arose, groggy and confused in that eerie gymnasium together she knew he would be something special, someone to watch. She had a gift for reading people like that: their souls, their intentions, their true talents.

 The two of them, in time, had even started to become friends where he had none, and she essentially became his only link to the rest of the students. It would often go something like this: 

 Kokichi would reveal something critical, something hidden or potentially deadly that they all must know.

Kokichi, being the stubborn ass that he was, would lie about the details, or the information altogether, switching facts around and embellishing the story with fictional bits and bites.

The other Ultimates would ignore him, call him a liar, engage in some petty squabble.

(Y/N) would vouch for the little lord of lying, and the group would reluctantly scrounge up enough good faith to believe the pair.

 In times like those, (Y/N) would often chastise the tiny tyrant, forever asking him why he couldn’t just play nice and help the group out of the kindness of his heart?

 There was always some nonsensical, facetious, nonchalant response.

 And without fail, the more outspoken students would try to talk some sense into (Y/N), asking her why she put up with him, why she even tried to get to know him, why she liked him.

 But it was no use, she was drawn to him, and there was no stopping or changing it. (Y/N) was always one to latch onto the people who piqued her interest, who plucked her heartstrings, be it romantically or platonically. She found herself enraptured by his mind at first, then his looks, then the way he spoke, and more specifically... the way he spoke to her. 

 Yes, despite what the others thought, she found herself always defending him, and then, she found herself falling for him.

 And he would never in his life admit it, but he was starting to fall for her, too. 

 When the killing game first started, the others thought of him as a brat, just a nuisance. They ignored him and at worst, they told him off like the annoying kid on the playground. Back then, she would still hang out with him, ignoring his teasing jabs or even jabbing back. He found himself surprised with her comebacks and playful insults at times. 

 She was always around, and would never abandon him, a fact he most definitely took advantage of, for when the first killing happened, when Rantaro was taken from them and the killing game transformed from a hypothetical danger into a very, very real one, people started doubting and turning on each other. At that moment, he also was transformed in their mind. He was no longer a brat, he was becoming a villain and potential threat. People were choosing sides, forming cliques, trios, duos, going solo, and so on. 

 And she was always on his side.

 When it came time for their terrified little class of ultimates to enter the trial grounds for the very first time, her podium was directly across from his, as if by fate. Kokichi didn’t believe too much in fate… but he didn’t mind getting a perfect view of her all trial long. He found out quickly that he may come to regret the placement, however, as it also gave her a perfect view of him, and she was no fool like the rest of them. She would watch his expressions, catch the smallest twitch of his lip or raise of his brow. Much like Shuichi, she was one of the only ones who could study his words and actions and weed out the lies… at least most of the time. She wasn’t afraid to call him out on it, and she knew the tone of his voice better than anyone else there. She was making it terribly difficult for him to confuse others, extend the trial, stir up some fun… and he liked that about her. Someone who could keep up with him was certainly not boring… and extremely attractive.

 Even with so many people against him, dismissing both his lies and truths, verbally attacking him, she would hear him out, and by the end of it all, the innocent got out alive. The thrilling and bone-chilling trial ended with a correct verdict. Without their teamwork, even with Shuichi’s genius, it may not have been so.

 With the first trial’s conclusion, Kokichi’d made up his mind to stop simply admiring her and actually get to enjoy that not-boring personality to the fullest. That’s the most he’d give her: that she wasn’t boring, unlike the rest of them. Grabbing her hand, he whisked her away to uncover the newest research labs that Monokuma’d allowed them access to. They inspected them all top to bottom, together as a team. They eventually would do this to every unlocked location in the academy, making short work of the campus while harassing each other, badgering and bantering, hurling insults the entire time. She was the only one he couldn’t exhaust. Just when he began to think it might be a tad bit more romantic to pull some punches for her sake, he discovered he didn’t have to. She’d punch back, and just as hard.

 In fact, he liked her so much, that when his poor classmates were subjected to the horrendous Insect Meet-and-Greet event, she was personally invited by Ouma himself, and not hauled over Gonta’s gentlemanly shoulders and carried, or worse, knocked the fuck out only to wake up surrounded by bugs.

 “How charming,” she teased, rolling her eyes as he stood in the frame of her dorm room’s door.

 “Yeah, you should feel pretty special! I wasted precious energy coming down here to ask you to come!” He exhaled loudly, far too proud of himself.

 “Well, as much as I’d love to be covered in roaches and piss myself when beetles attempt to crawl into every orifice on my body, I can’t. Again, love to, truly, but-”

 “Awwww! But we hang out every night! And you’re lying! You’re never busy you dirty, rotten, lying loser! Who else hangs out with you beside me?! What else do you have to do if it doesn’t involve me? Your life’s a yawn unless I plan your daily itinerary!” He huffed, crossing his arms with a small stomp of one foot. “Gosh, I hate liars!” He pouted.

 “Pout all you want, I’m not going to your bug fest. I hate bugs.”

 “Wait ‘til Gonta hears about your very controversial opinion!” Kokichi gasped, feigning absolute shock.

 “You wouldn’t...” her eyes widened, knowing instantly that she’d fucked up. He didn’t reply, but simply smirked, an evil, plotting, crooked grin creeping across his visage. She sighed deeply, head hanging in defeat.

 “Be my date?” He held out a hand, wiggling his fingers temptingly. Her head shot up, an uncomfortable, flustered warmth running through her cheeks and to the tips of her ears. He caught this immediately, as he caught most changes in the air, and his face twisted into an equally awkward expression for a split second before his brow furrowed and he snarled. “Hurry the fuck up, shithead! You know what I meant! Let’s go or I’m having Tarzan put your ass to sleep!” He spat, and she simply giggled, grabbing his hand before being pulled off.

 “Your date huh? I can’t think of anything I’d love more than some worms in my shoes.”

 ♡

 That morning when they awoke, Ryoma was gone, stolen away in what they assumed was either the night or the early morning. Kokichi was usually very much unfazed, desensitized to most shock and awe in life, but this time… it was different. He was upset, and visibly so, stomping around the crime scene like a child, brooding.

 It wasn’t the loss of a Ryoma, nor the gore and tragedy of the scene that had him so agitated, it was her reaction to it. (Y/N) wore her heart on her sleeve, and she wasn’t afraid to cry in front of others, so it was no surprise that she was in tears now. She’d cried over both Rantaro and Kaede’s deaths, but that was different. Kaede was a girl, and he didn’t care about (Y/N) enough back when Rantaro was killed to be jealous of her tears, but now… he was practically green.

 (Y/N) had actually been pretty close with Ryoma. Like she did with most people, she dug past Ryoma’s appearance and the story he wanted everyone to know, and what she found was a pretty amazing guy. She wasn’t as close to him as she was to Kokichi, but still…

 These weren’t tears of horror from seeing a dead body, or of witnessing a young person’s life cut short. They were tears of mourning the loss of a close friend, and Kokichi was positively boiling.

 By the time he’d managed to cool himself down while effectively hiding his meltdown from the rest of them, (Y/N) had wandered off to start the investigation and avenge her friend with Shuichi. Yeah no, that wasn’t going to happen. She was quickly swept away to start their own little search party. The two of them, the way it was supposed to be. Of course, he would never say all of these embarrassing thoughts aloud. He’d make up some stupid excuse for why she just had to come with him. But it wasn't personal, and he didn’t care about her.

 He didn’t

 He. Didn’t.

 Did he...?

 ♡

 When it came time for the second trial, Kokichi made sure to make fun of (Y/N), calling her a crybaby, mocking her “endless blubbering” and all the valuable time she wasted doing it. He tried desperately, now at war with his own heart and values, to convince himself she was nothing to him, that she was just another pea-brained opponent in this death game, that she was a source of entertainment at best, and nothing else.

 “Shut the fuck up, Miu, nobody wants to hear that gross shit! Cream your pants later!” (Y/N) spoke across the circle to the blonde exhibitionist with a scowl on her face. Miu, in response, shriveled and whined. Kokichi couldn’t help but crack a smile. That was one of the things he loved about (Y/N), how she put people in their place.

 What?! Shit, no! Not loved… I mean she was cool, but... not - his mind raced, trying to shake himself back to the place he wanted to be. Shit!

 The trial went on, and with every word she worsened the self-made conflict within him.

 “How could you say that Kaito?!” (Y/N) howled at the Ultimate Astronaut, who was taken aback by her anger. Kokichi, too, found himself taken aback. Kaito was the “good guy”, the macho action hero, the protagonist’s best friend. While many called Kaito names, dismissed his ridiculous ideas, and even told him he was plain stupid and wrong at times, no one ever truly challenged the trusted hero duo that was Shuichi and Kaito, and certainly not with such unbridled anger. “You must have no idea what it’s like to go through depression, to not see the point in living anymore! How dare you speak ill of Ryoma?! How dare you say he used to be your hero?!” She knew what it was like, those dark thoughts Ryoma must’ve been having for years.

 Kokichi watched her, like a spitfire, a firecracker. He forgot all about his decision to let her go, to stop interacting with her altogether after today, and couldn’t help being pulled in. They spent the rest of the trial working as they usually did: together, as a team. He spoke up more, and they teased each other, flirting harmlessly and carrying on.

 And the others were starting to notice…

 “Man, can’t you two save it for when you’re alone?! Damn! I can practically see you undressing each other with your eyes, bleh!” Miu gagged before letting out one of her infamous cackles. (Y/N)’s face ran hot, instinctively leaning back on her podium. Her bottom lip caught itself between her teeth, at a loss for words as she met Kokichi’s gaze.

 “Yeah right, as if! I’d love to be discussing with literally anyone else here but you guys all have the personality of dirty pond water…” Kokichi sighed defensively, looking at his nails as if Miu’s words meant nothing to him. 

 (Y/N) knew how he was, she knew harsh words and lies were his coping mechanism, but she couldn’t help the way her shoulders sunk.

 ♡

 Despite her hurting heart, when Kokichi - the shit-stirrer that he was - revealed Maki’s truth to the group after Kirumi’s execution, (Y/N) was the only one to throw herself between them, prying Maki’s hands from her best friend’s throat.

 “Fuck, now she’s out here tryna die for this asshole!” Miu crowed. “HA HA! They’re definitely fuckin’!” She held her stomach, practically in tears from her laughing fit.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” (Y/N) pushed past the crowd, tired of them, tired of the humiliation, tired of Kokichi, tired of all of it. She left the trial room, running all the way and not stopping until she was locked up in her room.

 After the public embarrassment and Kokichi’s heartless dismissal of their… complicated relationship, maybe….

Maybe now it was her turn to cut him off.

 ♡

Days passed and she refused to see him. She stayed locked up in her room at night and avoided him during the day, well... avoided him as best she could. Kokichi wasn’t one to be ignored if he didn’t want to be. He persisted, harassing and tracking her around, begging her to talk to him, to play, to prank others with him, to investigate the new research labs, but she simply pretended he wasn’t there. It hurt, it really hurt to shut him out, but to go on with him acting like she didn’t matter in public and then deciding she did in private hurt even worse. Her loyalty could only go so far. She wouldn’t allow him to mess with her heart any longer… or so she thought.

 ♡

Hours before the third trial was to commence, (Y/N) found herself outside of Korekiyo’s research lab when what looked like a walking corpse stumbled by. She cried out, running over to a dazed Kokichi, bumbling about light-headed and pale, with fresh blood running freely down his head.

 “Kokichi!” Her feelings be damned! She couldn’t just sit there and watch him suffer or worse. Who knew how much blood he’d already lost? Crazed with worry, she threw his arm over her shoulder, looking around frantically wondering why no one else had noticed him yet.

 The answer was simple: no one else cared. They probably had noticed and simply written him off. (Y/N) pouted, contemplating leaving him there… she was supposed to be mad at him.

 “Ohhhhh… gah! ...Damn you, Kokichi!” How did he keep doing this? How was he worming his evil little ass into her heart again and again?! She began dragging him down the stairs and toward the dorms. The investigation would have to wait.

“(Y-Y/N)...?” Kokichi mumbled in his ditzy state. “Hoo hoo! I thought we weren’t talkin’?!” He nearly tumbled from her arms, weak and wobbly.

 “Oh, shut up, asshole!” (Y/N) growled, nearing the dormitory area and pulling him into her room.

 ♡

 “Man, that sucked!” Kokichi sat leaned against the glass of the sliding shower door in the small personal offshoot bathroom attached to her small dorm room. A cold washcloth sat covering his forehead, wetting the messy strands of his long bangs.

 “Tell me again why you didn’t just call for help once you realized how badly you were bleeding?” (Y/N) made small talk, wringing out the soiled rag she’d initially used to clean him off. He took a swig of some icy bottled water she’d provided and glowered, his bottom lip out in contemplation.

 “ ‘Cause I didn’t think anyone would come…” he spoke flatly, exhausted with the loss of blood and shittiness of it all. She froze, turning to him.

 “I’m sorry…” she sighed, replacing the washcloth on his head with some gauze that she started to gently wrap around the rather deep wound.

 “You should be! Hmpf!” He crossed his arms and she pulled on the gauze sharply, tightly constricting the oozing sore. “Shit!”

 “Don’t start, dickhead. You’re lucky I’m choosing to forgive you!” She chided. He shot her a dirty look, and for moments they sat in silence.

 “... For a moment I thought you hated me… like the rest of them,” he finally spoke up, any amount of silence torturous to his child-like psyche. She felt her heart sink.

 “... I could never.” She smiled softly, fighting off a nagging frown that threatened to present itself. Before he could make this even more awkward, she stood, taking control of the situation. “Okay, I’ll be right back, you stay right here. I don’t want you passing out again.” She took off, closing the bathroom door and sneaking away into the main room.

 Shuffling through her closet and by extension her Monokuma-provided wardrobe, she peeled off first her shirt then her uniform’s skirt, both now completely ruined by dark patches of Kokichi’s blood, her reward for carrying his sorry ass all the way here. Now in only her underwear, she reached for a replacement uniform and wandered over to her bedside table for her deodorant and some facial wipes. As she wiped the grime and sweat from the crevices of her oily face, the bathroom door slid open with an impatient force behind it.

 “I’m boooooooored-”

 “Ahh!” She screeched, rushing to cover herself up before she could even process what was happening, but the only things nearby were her comforter and intricate uniform.

 “Oh, God! Why are you naked?!” Kokichi hollered, his face turning beet red. (Y/N) pulled the comforter up and around her body, her uniform falling from the bed.

 “I told you to wait there!” Her cheeks felt engulfed in flames, the skin all over her body hot and her feathers effectively ruffled.

 “You didn’t say why! You didn’t say you were doing a strip show in here!” He retorted, covering his eyes with one arm, more for her to save face than out of his own desire.

 “Get out! Just get out!” She screamed, tears pricking her eyes.

 “But-!”

 “Now!!” Full of a genre of rage he almost never felt, he conceded, stomping out of her room without another word.

 (Y/N) fell to her bed, screaming into her pillow like nobody’s business. She felt ashamed, mortified, infuriated. Why, for once, couldn’t he just listen?! Her body was never something she was confident in or proud of, and now, to have him, the guy she had feelings for see her like that, and not only practically naked, but caught off guard… it was as more than she could handle.

 ♡

 The trial room was relatively quiet that afternoon. The usual suspects were chatting, defending themselves, accusing others. Shuichi was having a pretty smooth trial - a blessing in his eyes - with Kokichi not giving him an easier time than usual. When he did speak, it was his usual lies, with an underlying irritated tone, but he never spoke a word to (Y/N), and (Y/N) hardly spoke at all. After some time, someone addressed the elephant in the room… err, other than the murders, that is…

 “Soooo, uh…” Kaito, courageous as always, spoke out, “(Y/N), you awake over there? We could use some help to, you know, find the culprit so we don’t all bite it?” He was only somewhat gentle with his words, having already made up with her after the last trial’s argument, but anxious over the current situation. “Shuichi and I can’t handle this on our own! You usually have a lot to say!”

 “I resent that comment, Kaito, as I believe I help plenty, but yes,” Kiibo rolled his metallic eyes to the sky, ever focused on the current goal, “you do usually have more to say, (Y/N). We could really use another opinion here.”

 “Something wrong with (Y/N)?” Gonta, always concerned for his friends’ feelings inquired, brows furrowed in concern.

 “Hah!” Miu spat. “Of course something’s wrong! Haven't you noticed that little prick over there ain’t feedin’ us his bullshit nearly as much as neither?!” She pointed at Kokichi before placing a haughty hand on her hip. “He probably slipped her his little prick, and it was so tiny she was turned off for good! Probably can’t even speak, she’s so disappointed! Hella awkward!” She roared. Everyone exchanged the familiar looks of disgust or scorn that came after one of Miu’s outbursts, and as (Y/N) opened her mouth to defend them both, she was cut off.

 “More like the other way around!” Kokichi hurled Miu’s statements right back in her face, his knuckles crunching down on his podium with a vice-like grip. “After I saw her naked earlier, I was the one leaving with a softie!” He growled, his frustrations, self-loathing, and need to be in control and defend himself all culminating in these toxically destructive words.

 A few audible gasps were heard in the room, a few laughs from Monokuma and his remaining offspring, and the more mature students such as Maki and Shuichi simply sighing in exhaustion, wondering why they kept getting off track with useless information. (Y/N) felt her knees almost buckle.

 No. Not this time! She heard her mind shout at her heart, and she slammed her hands down on her podium, all embarrassment melting into pure rage.

“YOU- GOD!” An encore slam down onto the flat metal, “You FUCKING asshole! That’s not what happened you goddamn fucking LIAR, and you know it!” Her voice was hoarse with the force of it.

 “Uh oh! Struck a ner-” Miu began to speak.

 “You shut the fuck up!” (Y/N) pointed to the busty instigator before directing her venomous ire back at Kokichi, who refused to look her in the eyes. “I did everything to help you after your dumb ass fell through the fucking floor, and this is how I’m repaid?! I do everything with you and for you, and this is how you treat me?! Why do you always sit here and lie to these people about us?! Fucking shithead fucking-” she was struggling for words, holding back tears. “You tell them the truth, that I had your blood all over me from patching you up because no one else likes your sorry ass! Everyone else would’ve left you passed out on the floor or worse dead from blood loss or killed by the culprit who seems to be on a fucking spree!” She gestured wildly, talking with her hands. “You walked in on me changing my bloody clothes! It was your fault! Just like it’s your fault that you have one fr-” her voice broke, and she looked to her feet. “No friends. Fuck you… Shuichi just finish the fucking trial we all know who the culprit is.” She looked down the rest of the trial, saying nothing, hearing nothing, just a ringing in her ears.

 “This is reeeeeeal fuckin’ awkward and I hate it here,” Miu cooed, rubbing her hands together.

 ♡

 As soon as the trial was over, Kokichi, feeling the weight of his best friend’s words, searched high and low for her. The campus was huge with many places to hide, but he knew her well, and he knew her favorite spots. He checked the AV room, library, casino, her research lab, and her room first, then everywhere else, asking anyone he came across about her whereabouts.

“Dude you messed up, even by your standards,” Kaito demeaned with a righteous fist in the air.

“I think it’s completely reasonable that she would not want to speak with you,” Kiibo sighed.

“Kokichi, you probably really hurt her. Just let her be, that’s the right thing to do,” Shuichi offered guidance even to the worst of his peers any time he could.

“Why are you speaking to me?” Maki walked away.

♡

At long last, finding himself in the basement after wallowing around the school for a while, he opened the door to the AV room for some space and privacy, seeing as it was rarely used since Rantaro’s death. He gasped.

 “(Y/N)!” She turned from her position reading on the little couch, startled, and immediately turned back upon seeing the owner of the voice. He closed the door behind him, shuffling over with his tail between his legs. Quickly, before she could notice, he forced a rather convincing peppy voice. “The heck?! I already checked here!” She knew that. She’d been there earlier, and left when she heard he was making the rounds only to return later, but she didn’t say as much now. “Soooo? Whatcha readin’?” He grinned, plopping down on the floor beside her seated position on the couch. She didn’t respond, didn’t change her expression, and merely kept reading. “C’mon!!! Reading’s boring!!! Well,” he tapped his finger on his lip pensively “not always! But your taste in books is! Let’s at least go find some good shit to read together!” She had not the mental or physical energy, the want nor the need to banter with him. As far as she was concerned, this… whatever it was, was over. 

 Kokichi sighed, taking the hint to stop talking but not the hint to leave her the fuck alone. She would not physically kick him out, he knew this, and it seemed she wouldn’t do it verbally either. It was safer not to be alone, she rationalized in her mind… well, only if the group knew who was paired up and when, but he would never hurt her… physically. And she would never hurt him. And so, Kokichi resolved to sit there, just sit there and stare: at the ceiling, at her, at his thumbs. After the first thirty minutes he began to make pretend snow angels on the ground with his arms and legs flopping together and apart. He lapped around the room a few times, looked through the DVD options, sat with her on the couch, moved closer, then further, then closer, back and forth trying to get some reaction. Usually he could at least annoy someone into paying attention to him. Even negative attention was still attention. She was never like this with him. This was bad… he could feel his selfish little heart ache.

 An hour passed, and then another. She’d picked up a sketch pad she’d stored in the couch cushions, doodled, changed books, and now was reading again. He’d begun running his fingers up and down her thigh, making explosion and car noises when he hit her knee. And finally, he spoke.

 “You know, you’re super brave to be down here alone, you know... before I got here I mean… or at all really. Place is spooky… haunted since Rantaro got murked. No one comes down here but you. Surprised you’re down here… but I guess you always are.” He could feel the stone wall she’d put up between them. “You know, it kinda sucks, that we lost Rantaro…”

 “...and Ryoma, and Tenko, and Kirumi, Angie, Kiyo, Kaede…” she spoke up, irritated by his flippance. “Don’t forget them like they don’t matter.” He twiddled his thumbs in response.

 “At least you didn’t die…” he tapped on the back of the book you were reading, making the pages shake before her eyes.

 “Like you’d care if I did,” she replied without hesitation.

 “I woooooould,” he pulled at her sleeve like a toddler aching to be picked up.

 “I’m ugly. I’m fat and hideous and a turn off and just disgusting, right? So who cares if I die?” She spoke like she was reciting a grocery list: monotone, uninterested.

 “Well… I can still care about ugly people…” he batted his eyelashes innocently. The look she shot him told him she was not in the mode for jokes. “B-but, you’re not ugly! You’re way hotter than Maki or Miu or any other hag here! I just said all that stuff to catch Miu off guard! It was all a lie!” He was getting nervous now, sitting upright beside her on the couch.

 “That is not an apology,” she rebuked.

 “Aww come on, forgive me!” He collapsed, resting face down on her stomach and stretching his body out on the cushions behind him. “You’re my best friend…” His words were muffled, but she could make them out still. “You’re more than that…” her ears perked up, and she began to hear sniveling. Slowly, a wetness began to seep through her shirt onto her abdomen.

 Was he…?

 She placed a single hand on the back of his black locks and ran her fingers through the messy mop. The other placed the book on the floor then joined the other. For a few peaceful moments they sat silently while she stroked his scalp and played with the waves.

 “I’m sorry…” an apology came through his sniffles, but he would not lift his head up, never in a million years would someone see him cry genuine tears.

 “I can’t hear you,” she lied, something she learned from him. A devious smirk he could not see crossed her lips.

 “Yes you can!” Muffled frustration vibrated her tummy.

 “Well since I can’t hear you anyway this conversation is ov-”

 His head shot upward, a snarl crossing his red, moist, puffy face. He pulled his knees up, leaning forward with all his weight

And pressed his lips deeply into hers.