#also this subject is one that like while not related to my major is genuinely kind of useful and interesting shit to know?
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obvious preface that academic achievement is in many senses bullshit and intellect is not based off of your scores on things in school that makes zero sense and the structures we deem as objective like academic institutions are at their roots subjective and biased. this being said i must admit that it feels really fucking nice to get a good score on a test
#nightmare.personal#i generally did fine on tests but like. the whole of my last biology class about two years ago#i did REALLY bad on nearly every test and broke down about them frequently#and so i got a test back today and given it is curved to hell and back i don't know what my raw score would've been#but he was like what do you think you got and i was like. he showed us the score distribution beforehand#mentally i was hoping for a 50% but after seeing that most people got over that i got audacious enough for a B#and then he said i got an A+ and i'm just like. processing that#i actually know shit. i know shit! i know shit about things!#and like i studied really hard and studied in groups and studied alone and reread notes#and pushed through a massive fatigue i got when i started the test because i always get test fatigue#and i did good . :')#there's somehow more and less pressure on me now that i'm in college to get good scores but#it's just. idk. it's cool :D i think it's cool! that's all#also this subject is one that like while not related to my major is genuinely kind of useful and interesting shit to know?#like nobody's ever gonna ask me about fucking. the human fossil record. but it's pretty relevant anyway#so it feels more rewarding than scoring well on something that's just actually useless in most manners
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Crowe with an MC who has a mean/violent sibling that he STRUGGLES to understand
Consider this a part two to my previous post and call me wrong but I feel Crowe would struggle with MC’s sibling to the point of pulling hair. Not in the way that Solivan does, no, because Crowe doesn’t wish death upon this person. If anything he is… confused and concerned.
The relationship between this sibling and him would heavily depend on if they both go to school together. If MC’s sibling doesn’t attend college and just exists around them (picks them up, brings them food, hangs out) I genuinely think Crowe would get a LITTLE pissy.
Just a little. Not because he’s petty but because it’s an internal battle.
He’s a Prince Charming. He is loved by majority of the school and while he secretly doesn’t care for others opinions he would heavily care about MC’s siblings. They’re close with MC and related so it’s only natural to want their approval. He’d try so hard to subtly get them to like him but they just… bite.
They snarl. They scratch. They’re distant. Not just emotionally but also physically as they aren’t a fellow student. Crowe can’t lie, it scares him as much as it grates his nerves how this person makes his head rattle. They’re the only one (besides MC) that he craves a simple yes from… they’re also the same person who has hit assholes in the head with blunt objects. If Crowe really wants to understand MC’s sibling it would take a massive amount of effort.
Now if they were a student? It would be easier by a fraction. He’d have multiple opportunities to make them realize he isn’t all that bad and genuinely wants to be friends. Maybe he could help them with a subject, offer a shoulder to cry (scream) on, or even buy them food. Most scared animals don’t like big flashy signs of friendliness, Crowe would have to start small if he wants to gain their trust.
He needs to persist.
They like having their space so he’ll sit a few feet away during class and offer pencils as a sign of peace. So what if they glare and throw it back? They’ll need it someday and he’s here to help. He really means it.
Either way, I think the ultimate way of proving himself would revolve around how he treats MC. We all know he treats them well but when someone is very blind by their own anger issues it can be hard to realize this. He’d have to be strategic about it because if something is too flashy, he’ll get called a show-off. If something is too boring, he’ll get called a scumbag.
Nothing is harder to beat than a siblings scorn. If he mistreats MC just once it’s game over.
Oh, MC forgot to bring money to go clothes shopping? Don’t worry, Crowe will pay for it like he always does. See how he’s good at providing and does it with no expectations and it’s out of genuine love for MC? Please, sibling, give him a nod.
Also, I feel like we should address the morality of the situation. Depending on how violent MC’s sibling is I feel Crowe would definitely say something. If they’re a ball of anger issues but not the fighting type he’d, again, offer a shoulder. Offer help. Hell, he’d even find them therapy. If they were a violent type though… he’d have a problem.
Solivan would answer this siblings violence with his own violence because he sees it as competition. Crowe would answer it with the cops. Granted, I think he’d try and get this sibling to be rational for MC’s sake but sometimes that’s not enough. If Crowe feels that they’re becoming dangerous, that they’re going to eventually HURT him or MC or the friend group, he’s going to take proper steps. He’s not a fucking psycho so obviously not gonna commit murder but… let’s just say an emergency contact is always on speed dial.
If the sibling’s anger is something in between. Mostly angry, sometimes violent, I just think he’d keep a safe distance. Wouldn’t be mean, wouldn’t be too buddy-buddy, but would keep an eye on them for MC’s sake. I say this under the assumption that this sibling actually cares for MC and never has hurt them. If they DO hurt MC then Crowe is stepping in right away. I think any sane partner would.
For the sake of fun let’s say that this sibling does care for MC… I’d say Crowe’s chances of being accepted are higher than Sol’s. He’s kind, charming, and not a freak. He’s real, respectful, and in the end does try his best to understand why this person disguised as a wolf acts the way they do. As long as he’s persistent and respectful, this sibling will someday accept his outstretched hand instead of biting it.
Or maybe they just learn to like each other and Crowe grows gray hair by the age of 27.
((types this in a blur so again ignore my mistakes im LAZY))
#the kid at the back vn#tkatb vn#katb vn#tkatb#tkatb sol#solivan brugmansia#tkatb crowe#crowe#jericho ichabod#the kid at the back crowe#the kid at the back Jericho Ichabod#jericho crowe ichabod
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Okay so I know this is a touchy subject already especially since certain people have already been bitchy about it before, but sometimes Crowny is genuinely difficult to play as. I feel super conflicted about them since they're the literal personification of "damn bitch you live like this?"
Realistically, progress isn't linear and different people get different results even if they do the exact same thing, but as of now it feels like they aren't really allowed to improve at all. If you study you're still mediocre leaning towards bad in terms of understanding. You try to workout you see absolutely no results, not even the tiniest bit. When it comes to the other characters, it's always one step forward and two steps back. When you give them a hobby or try to get them to pick up a skill they find little enjoyment. When people bother them they barely fight back or even argue, and when they do it's like a sarcastic quip or a grumble at most. By the end, they haven't even made a dent. These don't make them less of a person and it doesn't make them a failure since the world is quite literally out to get them, but it's like they aren't allowed any satisfaction in their life. (Yeah it's been like a month, maybe barely scratching two in the current timeline so maybe this contradicts what I first said about progress but I'm dumb as hell)
It's wild to go from the side quests, backstory segments, interactions with the ROs and then Crown family just for all the hype to fade when there's a segment with just Crowny all alone. I know that there's a reason for why they are the way they are, but I literally have to take breaks from reading their solitary moments sometimes because it seems to drag on. I know things aren't easy in this universe, I know the world is supposed to be cruel and unfair, but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?
I hope I'm not sounding like an asshole or a insane here. Personally, they're relatable in a lot of aspects. I may not have had supernatural shit going after me, but I had a lot of issues that many of their experiences brush way too close to. It's just the way it's presented that makes them feel like they're like the random piece of chewy cartilage in an otherwise perfectly cooked steak, unpleasant but I'm gonna eat it anyway.
I literally just wrote a whole ass book complaining, but I at least wanna say I do love your work, Crowny included even if my words seem to say otherwise, and I'm super excited to see what happens in the timeskip since i know this is like JUST the beginning. I'm like seriously praying my tone is coming off the right way if that's even possible. If you read through all this thanks. I'm not gonna hide behind anon because I at least wanna be able to explain myself if this comes across wrong.
but like can they at least get a cake for their efforts? Or a hug? Or be able to sleep through one night and wake up well rested?
Well no 😭😭
And that comes from the fact that they are self loathing, depressed as hell and have virtually no support system while dealing with things that they aren’t mature enough to handle, actually their mental health is getting far worse which is by design
I feel like perhaps some readers have not realized just how depressed crowny is. All the things you described about them finding little enjoyment, etc., are key markers of major clinical depression
I feel also people did miss the fact that crowny kind of exploded in the library they didn’t shut up, they didn’t let it go which I think is a positive because this is the first time they’ve have enough to say “enough”
Sorry but I like my things slow burn 💀 that Halloween party is meant to be a breakthrough for them and I think perhaps it’s been glossed over by some because what happened to James has gotten the most attention and the final moment in the woods. Crowny outed their “friends” for the first ever and fought back against their tormentor in only one single night. James for all his issues did the one thing that broke the camel’s back and pushed Crowny over the edge, all 7 episodes have led to this
Crowny is meant to fall before they come up that’s how I wanted it because realistically someone could not handle all of this without losing their mind. It has barely been two months, Crowny has only seriously hit the main plot in episode 4 which in the current timeline was about 3 weeks ago (from episode 7)
Truly the progress that crowny did make in episode 7 should have taken longer, people with crowny’s issues spend years in therapy before they feel they have the right to fight back.
There’s a reason episode 7 is the midseason finale. It’s not only about the plot but about crowny themself….
Dw you’re tune is fine I can usually tell when someone doesn’t think before they write 😭
#crowny is actually a response to how the horror genre likes to brush aside the mental degradation of their protagonists#a lot of time they go through traumatic shit and end up fine#crowny#wwc
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HI KHAYMAN FAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA I LITERALLY LEAPT OFF MY CHAIR AND BEGAN TO JUMP UP AND DOWN THE MOMENT I REALIZED
Do you have any headcanons? I think he's so badly underutilised so I am hungry)
OMG!!!! That makes me so happy to hear because I literally was jumping up and down in joy over seeing your Khayman art. We are having freak to freak mind melding jumping up and down in joy sessions together 🙏
I DO have some headcanons and I’m so inspired to re read Khayman, my Khayman and brainstorm more. I headcanon that Khayman is autistic! He is so relatable and he reminds me so much of my autistic grandfather lol. Just *major* autistic old man energy it’s great. He’s canonically socially anxious and socially awkward yet has this deep desire to make friends with other vampires and find people that he can relate to, even though he has major trouble trying to do so (bcus other vampires fear him), and that is just such an autistic experience. I always think back to the moment during one of his pov chapters while he’s at Lestat’s concert when Khayman has to leave the concert and sit outside because he’s overwhelmed by the loud noise😭 like oh my god, he is so me. (Also in that same chapter how he keeps getting super excited whenever he encounters another vampire because he wants friends and then they are all just off put and weirded out by him 😭 ugh get this man some friends, damn it).
on that subject I also headcanon that Khayman at some point becomes good friends with Armand. It’s described during the concert that Khayman sees Armand in the crowd and really wants to talk to him and get to know him bcus he’s fascinated by him and it’s so disappointing that we never really get to see them interact beyond that because I just know they would be actual besties. Anne rice had to keep them apart bcus she knew that team up would be too powerful. But genuinely they have sm in common. armand and Khayman both are socially awkward and disliked by the other vampires because they think they are off putting, they both think very “simply” in a way that borders on childlike and prioritizes basic needs and desires over logic or understanding, they both forget huge amounts of their life cuz of trauma, and they are both obsessed with trivial modern technology and “human stuff” like film. they would get each other and I think they both need a friend who is on there same wavelength of freak it would fix them.
a sad little headcanon of mine (that borders on implicitly canon tbh) is that Khayman’s social alienation goes way back to when he was a human in Egypt. I think that considering his high position and the cultural expectations of the time he would’ve been very much disliked by other men for being so sensitive and soft and kindly innocent. Maybe that’s why he works for the king and queen, maybe he took that position thinking he would gain social standing that might protect him from the type of ridicule he is used to. (Unfortunately the only thing he gets from being head steward is suffering 😭)
Anyways, THANK U SM FOR THE ASK! u are so cool and this made me very happy. I might end up drawing Khayman soon too, you really inspired and excited me. ❤️❤️
#tvc#armand#the vampire chronicles#Asks#vampire chronicles#vc#iwtv#interview with the vampire#khayman#queen of the damned#qotd#the queen of the damned
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I got a question or more, sorry if they is dumb it probably is, anyway
Anything New About The Comic That You Got Done Yet? Not Rushing
And that last ask got me wondering sorry if this is the dumbest question, but why do you ship killer x cross and Horror x dust? If you don't mind me asking
I have no problem with the ships they just seem off to me but that's my opinion so I just wanted to know why or your opinion on why you ship them?
Sorry if it's dumb I just wanna know
Back to the question this is the last one
What ships do you find gross or disturbing? I just want your look on things
Ik this is long I'm sorry-
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been going through one of my depressive episodes and I typically fall out of drawing for months when those happen. So I haven’t really made any progress on the comic, which is what I know yall don’t wanna hear. School should be starting back up again sometime soon though and I’ll be forced to draw so I’ll probs get back into then.
For your second question:
I ship Killer X Cross because I think their dynamic would be interesting and a bit goofy. Killer being the bastard he is goes well with Cross who would balance him out and perhaps make less bad choices. On the other hand, Killer could teach Cross how to loosen up a bit and live a little. They can also both relate on the “I was once sharing a body with Chara” thing lol. Plus, I think Cross could maybe have the same end effect that Color would have on Killer in that if they were to realize that maybe being under Nightmares power isn’t so healthy, Cross could help steer Killer towards the path of freedom?
Horror x Dust is a little more tricky to explain. I feel it came more from a place of necessity rather than genuine love for each other? They got together to stabilize each other while under Nightmare, it was a way to cope. It’s a bit toxic with Horror’s constant paranoia/distrustfulness/anger issues and Dust’s apathy/indifference and the tendency to dissociate as well as major move swings. I like to think there’s a time where they eventually work this stuff out and can actually be together, I don’t think it’s realistic. At least without another outsiders help, like shipping Horror with Farm and Dust with Fell. If it was more of a poly, the other two could help stabilize Horror and Dust I feel.
I love angst and stuff but at the same time it makes my heart ache so much 😭 so these aren’t like the only pairings I like with the group. I like the idea of it being a poly of all of them, including Nightmare, with varying levels of closeness.
For the ships I find gross/disturbing: I feel like the obvious ones do not need to be named, so just the proship ones. I’m not usually the type to go on a rant about proshipping and stuff, so I’ll leave it at that.
If you’re asking what type of ships I personally dislike though, that answer is also a little boring as I don’t really mind what other people think as long as it’s not weird. Like, I’ll occasionally see something like Nightmare X Fresh and the most I’ll do is question where that idea came from. Good art is good art so you’ll get a like from me no matter the subject (besides the obvious boundaries).
Also, guys, you gotta stop apologizing cause I love ranting and answering your questions 🥺 you guys have been very kind
#sans#undertale#horror#horror sans#dust#dust sans#dusttale#nightmares gang#nightmare#nightmare sans#killersans#killer#killer sans#comic#azresponses#cross#cross sans#xtale#fresh sans#fell sans#farm sans
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Anon Advice Asks - June 8
unnecessary crush anon, qualms anon (new), @teasiswriter , grounded anon, pg anon
unnecessary crush anon
unnecessary crush anon (although this is nothing related to crushes)
umm...
so recently, i took a type of 'career counseling' because im lost in life.
and i consider myself to be good in english and - even though im fucking drowning in the crossroads of the path of my future, i still considered myself to be taking something related to english - preferably journalism or smt
but this GUY just said 'with the rise of ai, english is no longer a subject, ai will remove all use of people writing creativley, there is no scope of english writing creativily, yada yada yada
and worse - this GUY just suggested i go towards corporate (which i HATE)
now, to be fair, he also said that if i choose a few things or the other, i still will be able to do journalism or whatever, but still, CORPORATE? HELL NAH
idk, im just fuming as to how this GUY just destroyed like the one thing im absolutely sure im good at.
like
with all he's going with 'your academics' 'your extracurriculars' its really not that impressive, considering that i had little to no hand in my wins, and even if i did, the wins were little
idk
ive just...
Hi!
That's like...infuriating. Especially since like...AI can't be creative. That's the whole point.
Honestly, I'm not a career counselor and idk what country you live in so idk how much my advice could help but I think if you want to go into a field that involves writing (like journalism, etc) then the best thing to do is to YES still go for that field, but also minor in something that can get you a job right away. Sometimes things like being a journalist involve both time and luck, so having something to do while you work towards your goal is a good idea. So like major in journalism, but minor in editing or something. That way you can get an editing job while you work towards becoming a journalist after school.
But don't give up on your dreams! I believe in you!
___
qualms anon
hey Cas
i really don’t know how to explain this situation without sounding like a horrible person, but i think i need to break up with my partner. i don’t know how to because i genuinely do love him a lot, it’s just. for whatever reason I don’t see it lasting. it might js be my attachment style or my trauma promoting me to run away, or maybe i don’t actually like men because he’s really the only man i’ve ever had a crush on. i’m js so confused and it feels like im leading him on and he is so so perfect and he deserves someone who isn’t having constant qualms about whether or not we should even be together
Hi!
I don't think you're a horrible person at all for this. You can't control your feelings! I think you have two healthy options here: either talk with your partner about how you're feeling and still try to make it work if that's what you both want, or talk with your partner about how you're feeling, and break up. But hiding your feelings is the only thing that WOULD be bad, because its not being honest and will result in more hurt in the long run.
A good relationship requires communication, even when it's scary <3
Keep me updated!
___
@teasiswriter
Hi Cas
I’m sorry for another downer of an ask but
I’m really really disappointed in myself. I just want to be employed so badly and I just feel like I’m not good enough
I applied to so many places, and I’ve looked through like 70 jobs and almost all them say I’m too young. Is it my fault? There are jobs that I simply didn’t want because they went against who I am and what I could tolerate doing as a job (like being a member of a teenage “TikTok hype house” or an organization my mom suggested where people learn about their blackness, and I didn’t want to because the way my parents force their ideas of blackness usually clashes with me as a person (how, it’s funny and normal for black kids to be yelled at and dismissed by their parents, or how everything but nothing is about race all the time) but now I feel guilty for saying no.
Why are ten different places refusing to tell me yes or no? Why are some jobs insistent on making the requirement be so high when the very fact they can work with any minors means they can lower it to my age?
And it’s the only thing my grandparents and parents talk about. It’s not fair. Why won’t anyone give me a straight answer? I can do what’s required, really I can! I can be a good worker and balance everything, so why is everyone making it so difficult?
(redacted)
Please I just want someone to hire me, so I can be out of the house and be myself.
I hate everything and I want to cry
I’m really sorry
Hi!
I promise, it's NOT you. The job market is AWFUL.
I think I remember you saying this is your first job, right? Have you tried looking into the more...I don't want to say boring, but..boring jobs? Fast food restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, clothing stores, things like that? I know those aren't the ideal, but sometimes doing those things will help you get the experience other, better, places are looking for.
I'm so sorry this is weighing so heavily on you <3 Like I said, it's NOT you. It sucks that the world is like this. I promise, you WILL find something. Oh also! Ask your school and your local library! Sometimes places who need people to work will tell schools and libraries to look out for kids who want jobs.
Good luck! <3
___
grounded anon
Hello
It is me once more
So basically, my step uncle died
The thing is, I didn't know him.
Never met him or heard him.or called him or was told about his personality
Never even saw a picture
So when my mom told me the news I stayed silent for a bit. before saying "im sorry, that's horrible"
She then called me selfish, saying I only cared about me
She said my dad told her I apparently don't give a shit about her
She said other stuff but its not important
The only thing keeping me from doing something drastic is my bsf. You know the one. We've been texting over Tumblr dms.
No, to answer your question, I do not habe any trusted adults. The only adults I have think im selfish and a liar and a manipulator.
I had to miss my one guaranteed chance of seeing my friend at art camp because of this
Also the religious camp isn't s conformimg one
I've went before, so I know what to expect
Im so tired of being at this stupid house
(redacted)
-grounded anon
Wow, okay. I feel like I would have reacted the same way you did. Like what else can you say? It's not like you threw a party lol.
You clearly are not selfish. I'm sorry your parents are saying that. It's like...there's not any perfect way to respond to death but I feel like you did a good job, especially since you're just a kid!
I'm glad you have a supportive friend, at least. That's so important <3 Whether or not you see them, you know they're there, which MATTERS.
I'm sending you so much love!
___
pg anon
C - please remember that you're not responsible for anyone's life. if you aren't able to respond (because you're asleep or you just mentally can't) that's NOT on you. You're also well within your rights to call an adult or the police if someone is telling you these things. it's a safety issue, you know?
Schools - I forget if I've asked this but does your school have guidance counselors? It's like...their job to help you figure out this stuff, so you should make them do their job. Ask them questions about the schools you want to go to and what you need to do, you know?
identity- it's OKAY to struggle with this stuff, especially when you're young. I think, like you said, you just have to decide what to do about it. like you have a bf, does your struggles affect your relationship? if not, then take your time figuring it out! you have your whole life to figure that stuff out, you know? You don't owe anyone, not even yourself, a label.
online friends- is there a way to like...stay out of it? still be friends with both people? it sounds like you're not directly involved so if I were you id stay out of it as much as possible. be friends with the people YOU like and relate to, and fuck everyone else's opinions, you know? I know its easier said than done, but in the long run, it's worth it.
friendship in general- I'm so sorry </3 I wish I could say more to make you feel better but I hope you know I'm here for you to vent any time. Also, happy belated birthday <3 the blender sounds cool!
sending love!
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Just found this in twitter, so cool :
"Sukuna about Yuji: “Our souls lived in the same body. I know that this kid, no matter how many times his soul brakes, he'll always come back. He wields an invincible soul” #JJKSpoilers #JJK248"
Thoughts (as SukuIta shipper & non shipper glasses)?
I don't know if my shipper opinion differs much from the non shipper one.
I've been talking about how unique Yuuji's soul is for a long time now. And the story has always acknowledged it. The concept of the soul, what it is, what it can do, how it relates to jujutsu, is one of the recurring issues heavily discussed in universe. All major antagonists mention it. Those who understand the shape of their soul like Mahito or Sukuna are extremely powerful. Sukuna's soul is stronger than Mahito's so he isn't affected by Mahito's touch, he tells Mahito off for trying to touch is soul and easily hurts Mahito when the curse displeases him.
However Sukuna is stuck in Yuuji. In normal circumstances he can't take over, and if Yuuji stayed protected, unharmed and ignorant to the horrors of the world, aka if his soul didn't get damaged physically or emotionally, and he would've been fed the fingers gradually, he would've been able to keep Sukuna as a prisoner for ever.
In the fanbook, Gege said, that if Yuuji consumed a weaker cursed object than Sukuna's fingers, he'd've likely completely absorbed it. This both shows how potent his soul is and how strong is Sukuna's that he survives a prison like that intact. It's curious whether Yuuji would've started to absorb him too in this scenario where he would've lived a relatively peaceful life just consuming the fingers from time to time.
And what Sukuna says here hints that maybe he would've succumbed. Yuuji's soul is extremely strong. Now, on the outside, Sukuna can try and destroy Yuuji. But if he were still stuck inside? Stuck indefinitely with no prospect of getting out?
Yuuji impresses Sukuna, probably has for a while now but Sukuna did everything not to admit that. But the frustration that is Yuuji to him has bean peeking through. The insults, the condescension, the very poorly performed fake indifference? Being stuck in Yuuji he learned of power, of strength that he likely hadn't considered before. Hadn't truly encountered or seen up close. And he'd been testing the boundaries of Yuuji's strength from the beginning by constantly bullying him. Unsuccessfully.
When Sukuna ponders Higuruma's death and as a result his thoughts stray to Yuuji, it's no accident that he is reminded of Jougo.
It's when we see Sukuna be affected by someone with goals, with ideals. He's been long enough in Yuuji to start to see them as valuable even though he doesn't understand that yet, he doesn't get why he talked with Jougo during the curse's death.
He even genuinely asks Yuuji about this. In his fights he's Usually toothy grins and condescending smirks, in this fight he's also mostly that. But here he stops and asks. He looks pensive, curious.
In chapter 248, in his ruminations on Yuuji, he finally puts it together. And takes it personally, he actually starts caring about something even if that something is killing Yuuji. Yuuji interests him on a personal level, and no one else has.
This next part is very subjective, because it's honestly about how you personally read the panels, and they are small and not very detailed. And the way I see them may be coloured by my shipper bias.
But I think he's shown fondness of Yuuji in their fight after he took over Megumi's body.
To me his face here shows that he's satisfied with Yuuji's answer to his question. Because of how his brows and eyes are drawn, his face feels soft, like this is a smile, not a smirk.
Again the line of his brows is soft. He says it's hilarious but here he doesn't look amused to me, more pleased. So this line and the next one feel like excuses. Like he doesn't want Yuuji to die because he hasn't figured Yuuji out yet, and Sukuna is a huge nerd, he likes to know.
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Just talk about Soundwave. Please. You can write a three pages essay on him and I'll be so happy to read. Also, i would like to know about your favorite authors in real life?
So this has sat in my ask box for a few days because i was FREAKING DELIGHTED BECAUSE EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT SOUNDWAVE FUCK YEAH and then i promptly clammed up going "what.... what the fuck do I talk about????"
So first let me answer the more specific question, about authors :D
I have read a LOT of books. When I was in Highschool, I used to show up, pick one series that had at -least- three to five books in it and were at least ~300-500 pages per book, and i would go to the librarian and check out the entire series.
We weren't supposed to be allowed to do this.
I'd then read one book a day, return it every morning at school, and at the end of the week or the start of the next week, do it all over again with a new series.
I read science fiction, fantasy, sometimes I read fiction (I usually consume real life material in the form of textbook excerpts, or articles or direct study records and stuff, but sometimes i pick up a whole ass textbook or a written conglomeration on a subject. Most of the books I -keep- a physical copy of, are academic)
So... when I say these are my favorite authors
they come from a LOT of reading-- and these are the authors who books I not only loved reading, but love to revisit and read again and again and again.
Kristan Britain - Green Rider series
Probably the most impactful story series on me personally that I have ever read, and it's absolutely influenced how i write directly. I learn a LOT from reading her stories as well as simply enjoying how immersive her world building is. Her characters are alive feeling and relatable, sometimes they think so alien to my own preferences yet she makes them understandable.
She's -amazing- with foreshadowing... the tiniest details in her books can easily come up as major plot later and it feels so *natural.*
She's also one of the few authors i've read who likes to jump around character POVs and really get into their individual head spaces and perspectives, while still retaining this lovely individualism for each character.
Naomi Novik - The Temerarie Series & others
And also one of if not THE creator of Archive of our Own! I was blown away when I learned that, years after discovering and falling in love with her books.
I've read her other books too, and while I also enjoy re-reading them and their wonderful whimsy and lore exploration, the series that has my heart and undivided attention is her spectacular historical fantasy world with DRAAAGOOONNSNSSSNSNDSNDNSJNSSS
have i mentioned i like dragons
like
a l o t ?
Anyhow-- this series takes place during the Napoleonic wars, and deals with some amazingly complex topics of interspecies respect and communication, political machinations, the conflict of duty against the desire to be true to one's heart and what they feel is genuinely the best choice, betrayal, love, hope, war, just... a little bit of everything. There's a splash of romance, but unlike most stories I have read over the years, it's not the main focus and it doesn't suddenly derail the entire series and drop plot as a consequences.
(i hate nothing more than a beautiful story ruined by a beautiful or worse, a sub-par romance that entirely destroys the established story and stops caring about anything but bumping fuzzies ;-; I LIKE MY PORN *WITH* PLOT TYVM. ...okay i even like porn without plot but at least don't pretend it's a plot filled book then XD)
And.... this one is actually another fanfiction author, who I don't think I've ever name-dropped on my blog before!
Forthright - Author of AMAZING INUYASHA FANFICS
I re-read her stories all the time, and find myself visiting her old archive of books at least once if not many times a year.
Aside from the insane amount of comfort and feels and laughter her stories bring on for me, they've also been a major encouragement in my own writing-- absolutely one of my role models for just... doing your own thang.
Soundwave.... oh lawd
i have already written probably more than you wanted to know XD
:eyes: GIMME A PROMPT AND I WILL WRITE FOR DAAAAAYS
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Changes I'd make to Tim Drake (Warning: may be controversial)

As my favorite Robin, I've needed to make this post for a long time. I know my opinions may not be agreed upon, but I hope my dedication is still appreciated, nonetheless.


He isn't dragged for his superhero goals--Any poor mistake that DC makes, they decide to pin it on him having poor judgement, which is really unfair. As many things that get ignored/retconned (even if they arguably shouldn't be, depending on the subject), it feels bizarre to drag Tim for things like his ill-fated "Drake" costume and era, especially when it was walked back on so quickly. On top of this, people seem to look down on him for genuinely enjoying being Robin. Robin wasn't always a "move on" position, per se; Dick had been Robin for consecutive decades before deciding he wanted something different, while Jason was murdered and became someone else as a reflection of this. Tim became Robin because he saw that Batman NEEDED him, and deduced Batman and the previous Robin's identities on his own. If he wants to do stop being Batman's partner (or sidekick, depending on perspective), it should be his own choice, not everyone else saying "this was a temp job and you're out."


He has his own unique color, costume, and maybe even codename--Even if he remains by Batman's side, Tim deserves to be distinct; his codename and color scheme are shared with all his brothers, and it doesn't do much for him. I'd definitely prefer a cowless take on his Savior costume (unsure about the codename; it feels a bit too on-the-nose, but it also feels like it represents his need to help others) or bring back his N52 Red Robin suit WITH the wings as well as making him the brother in purple, which goes well with the Batfamily's aesthetic as well as signifying his romance with Stephanie and friendship with Bunker.

He's going for a psyche major--I feel like this fits so well with his motivations. It's weird that the Batfamily doesn't put more stock in studying psychology outside of Harley (who rarely uses this skill, much to my chagrin). Tim wants what's best for everyone, and became a hero in order to help people. He isn't simply trying to stop problems, but prevent them and make Gotham a better place for everyone. While he can still go for a cyber-related degree (I don't remember his exact major), I'd prefer he also go for a degree that furthers his desire to understand and improve others, plus it's good to help him better understand himself as well. Definitely would've made this something he furthered in "Heroes in Crisis" (which I should make an post about another time).

He isn't bi--Hate me if you must. I'm a gay guy, and I just didn't vibe with this reveal. During the mid-2000s, it was stated by one of his artists that he and the writers kind of already saw Tim as bi, though DC never made this canon until 2021. As far as I know (as a 2010s comic person), it never seemed like DC was keen to lean into LGBT sexuality for Tim, and given that they've been treating him poorly post-N52, it feels like this was a random "let's find a way to make Tim as popular as his brothers" by making him stand out in a way that they didn't. I know this is a bold claim, but this is a feeling I've had for a while now, especially since his personal life now mainly revolves around Bernard (personal bias, but I'm usually not a fan of heroes dating non-heroes; I'd prefer him with Bunker--or Connor, if he's romantically into guys). And they haven't done him many favors since; DC infamously described him as the "always-online bisexual" in a now deleted tweet that embodies my concern that they're just defining him by his sexuality now, as well as a solo comic with horrendous art for most of the run. If Jason or Damian were depicted as bi (with the latter being the least controversial choice, imo, given his younger tenure in comics and romantic life not as fleshed out), I'm almost sure they'd be better handled, probably because they've been better handled as characters in recent years. Overall, I found Tim's retcon of sexuality unnecessary (yet we have bi characters such as Ghostmaker who were LGBT from the get-go and don't get nearly as much attention) and overall used as a metaphor for his "indecisiveness" at making decisions that DC forced onto him.


He still has a (biological) family and life--A big problem with writers and artists is that they sometimes have a problem with trying to make the 4 Robins identical in appearance and lives. Unlike Jason and Dick, Tim wasn't an orphan adopted by Bruce, not originally anyway. He had his own life and chose to be part of Bruce's world, and the need to make him an orphan with pretty much nothing going on in his civilian life was disrespectful (is he still an Olympic-level gymnast? Kinda love the idea that he takes time off for "me time" here and there and that's when Damian or another Batfam member jumps in). Let him have friends and family as Tim Drake, not just as Robin. Let Bruce be his dad without killing off his biological one. Let Tim have autonomy and individuality!

More A-list connections--This is being petty, but most of his friends are next-gen heroes with no major stuff going on for themselves, just like him. Surrounding yourself with important people can help you become important, too. I'm not telling friends to drop his friend groups (him and Conner have one of the best male homosocial relationships in comics and it sucks how they got overshadowed by Damian and Jon), but giving him more relationships with well-known characters could help his status. Plus maybe involve him in more teams outside of Teen Titans and the Batfamily; it's not good that he jumps between being an underrated member amongst iconic characters and a leader of underrated people. Just make sure he's not trading positions to become another hero's apprentice--there was once plans for him to be the next Blue Beetle as well as a temporary Nightwing, neither of which would be good for him, tbh. I have similar feelings for Starfire (we need more of her friendship and Superman; plus I'd love another underrated TT team led by Tim, perhaps with Ryand'r).


Never lose sight of who he is--The idea with Tim (at least from what I've absorbed) is that he's the most optimistic, maybe even naive, version of Dick, committed to wanting to help people and support them, and not one to brush them off of devalue them. He's got a heart, not just a brain, and I like to consider him one of the glue sticks that holds the family together. He doesn't need to be edgy or cool in the way that Damian and Jason are, nor should he be reduced to a sex object like Dick (which is another post entirely).
#batman#batfamily#tim drake#robin#damian wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#red robin#dc comics
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I think I should put in my two cents considering the Hazbin hotel leaked Angel Dust clip. I’ll say that this post should be one absolutely massive trigger warning. If you’re sensitive please don’t read this, I’m pretty blunt. Also I’m only talking about a small leak but SPOILERS!!!
So before I make any points I’ll start by saying that I’m not an inherent fan of vivziepop, this isn’t meat riding, it’s a genuine attempt at open conversation and discussion. I’ll also say I’m a survivor myself and while I don’t claim to speak for anyone else I have some ground to stand on here. I completely understand that people can be triggered by this type of imagery and will at least skip this particular scene or episode, I promise I’m not talking about you guys.
You wanna know who I am talking about though? The weird ass moral police I’ve been watching mobilize. It’s crazy how people are making a big deal out of this. I’ve seen three arguments and all of them are terrible in themselves and being used to justify terrible behavior.
I’ve only seen people claim three major things, this is a bad depiction of a s/a survivor and situation, this is something that’s too graphic and immoral to put in a TV show, the fact that the singing and dancing lightens the tone in a way people find distasteful. I’m going to be trying to prove why I find these arguments mostly ridiculous and unfounded.
As for argument one, s/a survivors come in all shapes and sizes and hyper sexuality happens to be an incredibly common reaction to sexual trauma. I haven’t watched episode one and two but even if I had I’d still have too small of a sample size to determine the entire tone of an incredibly messed up complex dynamic between too incredibly interesting and layered characters. It’s ridiculous to have so many assumptions and expectations of an *11 second leaked clip.*
Secondly. Creative freedom is possible the most important thing in art. If we didn’t have the freedom to put what we wanted on paper or on screen then we wouldn’t have had so much societal change recently. Just because you might find something distasteful and immoral doesn’t mean it absolutely has to be hated on and removed. It’s okay to not like things because you find them gross, it’s okay to not enjoy graphic depictions of serious subjects, it’s not okay to start internet wars over moral bullshit. It’s okay to be mad in silence sometimes, guys.
Thirdly. I kinda get this one, I don’t agree with it but I do understand the point. The idea you don’t want a serious subject framed with a sexy pop song is not inherently bad, it’s just something that makes me think you wouldn’t have liked Hazbin Hotel anyway. I actually appreciate the fact they are using the creative medium to make bold and shocking decisions but I get some people are sensitive to new things, that’s fine. Where this argument gets ridiculous is when people act like this is very out of line for a show like this. This isn’t a Saturday morning kids cartoon it’s and adult animated show about people in hell. It’s highly likely that this won’t be the worst thing we see, you either need to heed the trigger warnings at the beginning of each episode or get over it.
You’ll notice that I didn’t bring up anything about the merchandise pins or the storyboard artist, I did this because they aren’t arguments but barely related attempts at character assassinations. When you spend five minutes thinking about them critically you come to realize that there is nothing substantial to those arguments.
I’d like to finish up talking about how I think this scene is doing more good than harm. It’s important to make people uncomfortable when you’re talking about things so horrible like s/a and rape. It shouldn’t be meek and palatable for a general audience, it should upset you. I remember hearing something in a video game once that stuck with me. There was a character who said that when you’re sick you need strong medicine and that the strongest medication is very bitter.
I think episode four will be some very bitter medicine.
#hazbin hotel#angel dust#feel free to leave a comment if you disagree#it’s important to engage in discussions and I’d love to hear some other perspectives#if you leave a comment with arguments against any points I made I’ll do my best to respond to you with a potential counter argument#and it should go without saying that if I watch the episode and realize I’m completely wrong I’ll post a public apology
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DAREEEEE!! DARE MY DARLING MY LOVE MY DEAR hello 🥰
Re: your reblog about underwater albums
The photo rang a very distant bell in my mind and I could have sworn I've seen it before, lo and behold, when I went to check my Instagram highlights, I saw that it was on there!!!

Said highlights contain songs that I've discovered/rediscovered throughout the year, and the ones that really stick out, I put on there. This song was the first one I put for the year 2024.
And since you love them, that means they are worth checking out and so I shall do that, starting with this album! But I would love to hear if you have any specific songs you would throw my way as an introduction to this band ☺️ okaythatsitiloveyou mwah!!
WAAAAHHHH!!! 🥺🥹🥰
DARLING!!!!!
(I am putting this under a cut because I 100% started rambling and it got very long winded. I'm not sorry.)
So first off, being told that music is worth listening to simply because I like it is genuinely the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm smooching your face
SECOND!!! I've been listening to PR since before they were PR (heard them on the Disney channel as Kropp Circle when I was like- 7? Ish) and are the only artists I've been able to see more than once! I would say they're definitely top 3 favorite bands.
So this band is actually made up of a group of brothers who go by their first and middle names professionally, Sebastian Danzig on guitar, Remington Leith on vocals, and Emerson Barrett on drums.(Well Seb and Rem go by their middle names. Em legally changed his to omit their last name and add in a new middle name following his knighthood in 2022.)They've had a few different bassists and rhythm guitarists for touring, but they make up the main band. They all have input on composition and all 3 of them take part in song writing as well.
Anyway SONG RECS!!! I'm gonna give you one or 2 of my favorites from each album, as well as noting which songs are the classic "need-to-knows"
(note: there are some songs here that I say hit home for me personally, doesn't necessarily mean I relate to the subject matter, just that the songs are so emotionally driven that it's hard not to empathize with it)
So starting you off with their second album "Boom Boom Room Side B" (the underwater album in question), you clearly already know it, Dying in A Hot Tub is one I recommend because it hits right in the feels, especially with the knowledge that they wrote it about/for one of their best friends. It is what I would consider a staple of PR.
I like recommending this one because it's the first song they ever released under the name of Palaye Royale back in 2012. At the time they were 20, 18, and 16, so it's interesting to listen to how much their style has changed and how much they've grown as musicians over the past 12 years
Now this one is from their first EP "The Ends Beginning." It was their first major release and it's just beautiful. This is probably my favorite song off it
From their first studio album "Boom Boom Room Side A", this one is a classic PR song. A few years back Sumerian Records put out a movie called American Satan, which followed a fictional band called The Relentless who essentially make a deal with the devil in exchange for fame. Now while the main character/vocalist of The Relentless was played by Andy Beirsack, all the singing was actually done by Remington, and this song was added to the movie as an ode to that.
Also BBR A, this one also hits directly in the feels. I don't think I would have survived had I been able to travel to the city back when they played this live acoustic for vip meets (which were held on their bus/in their trailer back then! Unfortunately they've apparently developed an allergy to STL since)
So from album 3, titled "The Bastards", I actually loved this song far before it came out, as the boys love putting unreleased tracks in live setlists. I think I legit screamed when I heard the opening notes to this the first time I went to a show a full year before the album dropped
Keeping with the theme of pointing out which songs on each album hit hard, track 14 still makes me cry every time I hear it
Album 4, "Fever Dream" actually has quite a few that I could mention, but I'll limit this to 2. Both of these hit home for me personally, definitely on the sadder end of the spectrum here, I promise there are more upbeat ones on this album, but these are the 2 that stand out to me the most
Now their 2nd ep (technically their 4th ep, but the 2nd and 3rd are made up of singles later released as part of Bastards and Fever Dream, so I'm not counting those) Is titled "Sextape", and is 2 original songs and 3 covers. I will be listing 1 of each.
First the cover. This is originally by Depeche Mode, but the way Rem sings it is so beautiful and I love it to bits
The original song here is both extremely sad and angry, based off a previous relationship. It also has an extra layer to me, as I hadn't sworn off social media yet and saw this play out in real time, so hearing exactly what was happening to him in such a raw form is certainly something and it hurts to hear
I could probably keep going but we have hit the song link limit. But these are my favorites from each album. They do have music released this year as well but Vessel needs to loosen his grip on my brainstem before I'm able to listen to anything else lol
Not technically related to their music unless you wanna go into a bit of a dive into lore, but Emerson is also a very talented artist and does have a shop where he sells it! I've bought a few of his pieces and they're absolutely gorgeous!


#we are not gonna talk about how long i spent trying to put together this list#ANYWAY listen to Palaye Royale if you dont already#they are so so good#and im v proud of them#it hit me a while back that im the age Emerson was when they really blew up and that fucked me up a bit ngl#palaye royale#my darling Tonee#dare answers
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so, i finished dragon age veilguard last night and here's my thoughts spoilers ahead (and a very long read)
this is in no way subjective, as i am very emotional about dragon age, especially with veilguard being the first game in the series i played as it came out, and one i was waiting for for a long, long time
the good
first of all, the game is gorgeous. the art direction in this game is absolutely perfect, and i would sell both of my kidneys and half of my liver to see origins and da2 remastered in this style. all the detail, the colours, the shapes... the designs of the companions were also great, each having a very distinct silhouette and outfits which said so much about every character. (plus, i'm going awooga over all the women and taash)
the environments were wonderful, with each area feeling very distinct, yet still like a part of the same world. i also love how they were not huge, open areas with nothing to do, like in inquisition, but thought was put into every corner and crevice. and thanks to the photo mode i have almost 300 environment screenshots from the game lmao
i loved all the companions and major npcs. the companion quests were so good, and honestly my favourite part of the game. during like half of the quests i teared up (especially bellara's and emmrch's i think this is what was missing in inquisition. the characters felt like real people, and like rook had a real connection to them, and they had real connections with each other. they were all very endearing and i liked all of them, something that has not happened in any of the dragon age games prior. (confession: i was very cagey about lucanis because he seems like the fandom's boy of the game, but i actually ended up liking him) the standouts among the npcs were definitely the duos of evka and antoine, and viago and teia. i'd go on a murder spree if anything happened to them.
i'm also of the unpopular opinion that i liked how the companions were nice to each other. no more co-worker you can barely stand each other vibes, they were all genuine friends (plus something more) and their banter was a joy to listen to (and it pasued during combat!) i also loved how they were all present for the main missions, no matter who you took with you
satisfying exploration, with the puzzles leading to actually good loot. no more dozens of greatswords i will never use littering my inventory. i'm also a collection fiend, so i liked unlocking the outfits and lighthouse decor
the candid and visible inclusion of queerness. i don't play many modern aaa games, so i'm sure dragon age is not the only one, but it was the first time i've actually played a game that allowed you to be non-binary and openly say it. taash's character arc, while i hated the 'culture' part of it, was also appreciated and relatable, especially as they were written by a non-binary writer. and they're the first nb romance option i've ever seen! it was also nice to see queer people just existing in the world
fun combat. very fun combat. i never had so much fun in a dragon age combat. it looked cool, it felt cool, i loved detonations and arcane bombs, i was not overwhelmed by a toolbar full of spells i had half a second to choose and the fights didn't take ages. i was a bit scared i'd suck at combat because my hand-eye coordination sucks ass and i prefer turn-based combat à la bg3, but i didn't find it hard at all while playing on normal. challenging, yes, but fun-challenging. orb and dagger spellblade forever
streamlined inventory management. i hate inventory management with a passion and because i'm always possessed by kleptomania when gaming, i always end up with inventories full of useless junk. but in veilguard i could sell it all with one click, the gear i found was either companion specific, or tailored to rook's class and it saved me so much time not having to compare and change everyone's gear while sifting through piles of low-level chainmail no one is going to wear.
the final stretch of the game (act 3 i think?) was hands down the most tense i've been while playing a game. even though some asshole spoiled the choice between harding and davrin, i was still unsure what would happen, who would survive the battle etc. i almost cried when harding died, not ashamed to admit. when bellara was taken by elgar'nan i had to take a little walk, because i was sure she'd not survive (another part of me was already plotting an angsty fic for my rook and her). the ending choice of out-tricking the trickster god of lies with a fake dagger fit so well with my rook, i still get shivers when i think about it. and the self-indulgent detail of them wearing the same armour solas did during the rebellion flashback...
related to above point, the theme of rook being a foil to solas, themes of regret and how it's holding you back, finding hope in a broken world, how things will never be the same, but change is not a bad thing. this is some good shit, that would require separate posts. i just love stories about hope so much
the choice between treviso and minrathous had real, visible impact. in my playthrough, treviso was destroyed and it still affected lucanis many gameplay hours later. none of these choices were presented as right and even though my shadow dragon rook chose to go to minrathous, i still question the decision, and so does rook.
the tension and devastation of the weisshaupt mission. the blight is so gross, as it should be, and the mission was probably my favourite in the game.
rook, especially purple rook, is so endearing. they're a little rascal, and a perfect successor to purple hawke. i loved the amount of faction specific dialogue and how utterly grounded rook was in the story and the world around them.
confirmed lore theories, which had hints since the days of dao
while different to the other games of the series, i really liked veilguard's soundtrack. the main theme is still stuck in my head, and i found myself humming along to many of the recurring tracks. i don't know shit about music tbh, but it helped elevate the mood and atmosphere of the environments. the sound design was also good, and i am happy to report there was no ear-grating noises for my hyper-sensitive ears (looking at you spells from dao)
a satisfying conclusion to dorian's character arc. it was refreshing to see him be so radical and anti-slavery (after inquisition dropped the ball on developing his changing worldview on screen) him becoming the archon was also a very pleasant surprise, and a well deserved ending for a character like him. sorry i just love dorian pavus so much
assan and manfred being absolutely adorable. it was predictable i'd get attached to assan, but a skeleton was a surprise. he talks! my rook is going to be the best uncle (gender neutral) to both of them. my two favourite little guys.
a lot of little details
the bad
imo the biggest issue with the game was the lack of references to previous game decisions. like with the inquisitor cameo, i wonder how different it would have been if the well of sorrows decision was taken into account? a little more communication between northern and southern thedas? not dropping the kieran plot point completely?? a little more information about what's going on in southern thedas? also i feel like harding's character really suffered because of this, because her and my inquisitor were really good friends and i'm disappointed that there was no mention of it at all :( also while most of what the inquisitor said was in character for my inquisitor, i can see how for others it's ooc
related to the previous point, the amount of loose threads that were just left hanging. is the blight cured? what will happen next with the titans? how do the elves recover from all of this? what happened to hawke and the warden? how does southern thedas fare after the gigantic blight? so many unanswered questions which will never be answered
the way the elves were treated, while not surprising at all given the previous games, was sooo uncomfortable. the past three games established that the elves are treated horribly, yet there is very little discussion of it in veilguard. this one conversation with bellara still makes me cringe, and i hate the lack of distinction between the ancient elves who were also oppressed by the evanuris and the evanuris themselves. i also feel the whole plot of 'this marginalised group's gods are actually evil' could have been done much much better, but the set up for it was there since origins, so it's not a uniquely veilguard problem. there are other people more qualified to speak on this than me, so i'll leave this here
the handling of crows made me raise an eyebrow (or two) because of how how sanitised the crows feel. no mention of child slaves? nothing about enduring torture as a part of training? or being treated as disposable? even if this differed from house to house, or it changed over the past decades/ special circumstances because antiva has been under the attack of the antaam, at least a codex mentioning it would have been nice. my dream would have been to have zevran be the one to spur this change, but it seems that the writers are allergic to have him have any sort of impact on thedas
not enough of content for the lords of fortune. when tevinter nights came out, i was so excited to meet them, but what we got in the game was a horribly "clothed" isabela, a bunch of her friends and like 3 quests and an arena. and not to mention how awful the lords of fortune gear is, with the orientalism.
i wasn't a fan of some of the writing, in the sense that some wording and stuff felt very modern. but i'm a hardcore fantasy fan so maybe it's just a me problem
the game tried to do a LOT and some of it would have benefitted if it was delved into more (example: morrigan and mythal, harding's quest with the titan, what taash discovered about the qunari, anything about southern thedas)
i really would have liked to see more of varric and rook's relationship. a dream would have been to have an origin quest/cutscene (maybe shorter than in dao) to help establish their relationship. you could literally replace varric with any character at this point
a longer romance, please... i know these are not dating sims, but i literally didn't get a kiss with bellara until the epilogue :') i'll have to see the other romances to truly have a strong opinion about this, though
and a note: i would have had just as many praises and just as many criticisms for every single dragon age game. overall i really enjoyed veilguard and i am happy that it even came out as an offline single-player rpg, and not a live service game like it was supposed to, or not at all. no game is perfect, and i'd rather have an imperfect game than no game at all. (but yes, i'm still mourning project joplin and i'd do anything to play it... )
#time to take what i liked from veilguard and put it in the wonderful imaginary dragon age which exists in my head and scattered google docs#also i'm not arguing about any of this; i said what i said and my opinions will remain unchanged#and i'll probably be taking a break from tumblr scrolling because the current outpouring of negativity is really bad for my mental health#veilguard spoilers#july plays dav
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It would be interesting to me (if it was not misogynist) that SFF fans are really well equipped to understand that the frequency of male assault plots in SFF media, particularly in comics, are most often predicated on author’s anti-gay sentiment, but cannot understand that female assaulters in fiction are also frequently subject to the author’s same bigotries. Grant Morrison and Judd Winick did not make Talia (who is brown) twice violate consent because they were making commentaries on power dynamics. Those writers are white, and racist. Similarly, Robert Kirkman did not make the short-haired square-jawed man hater an assaulter accidentally, especially considering the visual and narrative gratuity of that scene in contrast to the subtler emotional focus of Telia’s interpersonally coercing Allen while the Unopan breeding program socially coerces and the genuine thematic depth to Thragg’s abuse of the Thraxan women and isolation of the half-Thraxan children and how that relates to how colonial violence targets and isolates indigenous women.
It would interesting, too, if it wasn’t revealing the fandom’s racism, that acknowledging that Kirkman was writing misogynistically is a minority opinion, considering how naked Invincible is about Kirkman’s internalized biases. It was not an accident that Kirkman made Bulletproof try to sleep with Eve, or made Kubian (he and Telia very overtly Black-coded) actually end up sleeping with her, even evoking a sneering parody of polyamorous culture. The comic is rife with antiblack and misogynist stereotypes, the former of which the show has taken some tentative steps in rectifying, the latter of which the show has rectified enough that despite missteps where Rae and Kate are concerned, praising the writing of Invincible’s women is a majority opinion.
And it makes sense that the show changed her the way they did. I don’t like evoking the author too frequently in my analyses, but when you have the author who appeals to when he made mistakes because he was a ‘dumb white guy’ and how he’s trying to correct him, it feels logical to make the one-dimensional misogynist caricature to be younger, brown, and emotionally complex. It’s righting a wrong, placing her in a further marginalized context to rectify the author’s reflections of his misogyny when writing her comic counterpart.
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Balancing my passion for Music with my Pursuits in Nursing (Entry No. 2)
For the majority of my 20 years of existing, music has been one of the biggest aspects of what makes me what I am. And I don't mean that like I was on some proper music program when I was younger or anything, I never had that, I just genuinely had a love for music. My early mornings as a little kid were spent on watching the MyX top 20 while eating breakfast before going to school. My weekends were spent watching disney films and listening to my grandfather's radio. Music has always surrounded me.
I started loving music even more when I started learning guitar. 8 years ago I picked up a guitar and and just started learning it. It's kind of funny and ironic looking back because my main reason for learning the guitar was not because I wanted to learn how to play songs or anything, it was because I had really bad motor skills and I wanted to sharpen them. I never had any formal education when learning guitar, never went to a music program to learn it. It was all just personal effort on my part. I became addicted to it, learning how to play the instrument. My music taste started shifting from modern pop-music to classic rock songs. My playlists were filled with guitar-centered rock songs and intricate guitar solo's. I was hooked, and my love and appreciation for the craft grew even more. I joined a couple of bands and performed during my time in Junior Highschool. When quarantine came about in 2020, it gave me even more time to learn my instrument and practice my skills even further. On 2022, i was gifted my first electric guitar, which broadened my musical spectrum when it come to what I can possibly play. It also meant I can finally focus more on being a lead guitarist rather than being subjected on exclusively playing rhythm. By the time face-to-face classes rolled around, I was very active in music circles in my school and had the privilege of playing in school events and helping record songs for the school (stream Tahakin Ang Indak in spotify hehe https://open.spotify.com/album/1SskaP9FmMOeddjb1gt0vy). My experience in senior high school when it came to music was something that I will always cherish in my heart.
By the time College rolled around I actually already made up my mind when it came to music-related activities because I knew that being a nursing student would take a lot of commitment and I knew I had to sacrifice a little in order to succeed. I didn't know about musical orgs within the school back then so for the first few weeks of college, I actually really let music drift to the back of my mind. That changed about 2 weeks into my freshman year. I was offered a lead guitar role in the band that we now call "Helix" this is a band that represents the school of nursing. Of course, this was an opportunity for me to do the thing that I love while also being a nursing student, of course, the rest is history. In my 2 years of playing for this band, I have had the privilege of representing the school of nursing in numerous performances which includes back-to-back appearances in the Battle of the Bands in Ateneo. I cherish every moment I have with the amazing group of people that I share the stage with during my time here and I aim and dream that during my time as a nursing student here in ADDU, the school of nursing will be victorious in the battle of the bands.
Balancing your passions while practicing in a field where it can become so demanding physically and mentally can be really challenging. Trust me, there were times where I really thought I couldn't give enough for the band because of my commitments in Nursing School. But I realized later on that I really have to have music in my life, not just through my earphones, but through my hands as well. Without music, my life would really be so boring and I wouldn't have anything to express my emotions because music is my outlet for whatever I feel. I feel as if that offer to be a guitarist for the Nursing Band was divine intervention because I really was ready to let music go and just commit to nursing. I learned in these experiences that I can go through one thing without sacrificing the other. So now, I'll keep playing. As Robin Williams in the Dead Poets Society once said: "Medicine, law, business, engineering… these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love… these are what we stay alive for."
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The internet sucks now. Once a playground fueled by experimentation and freedom and connection, it’s a flimsy husk of what it was, all merriment and serendipity leached from our screens by vile capitalist forces. Everything is too commercialized. We commodified the self, then we commodified robots to impersonate the self, and now they’re taking our damn jobs. We live in diminished and degrading times. I miss when memes were funny. I miss Vine. I miss Gawker. I miss old Twitter. Blogs—those were the days!
Stop me if these gripes sound familiar. In 2023, the idea that the internet isn’t fun anymore is conventional wisdom. This year, after Elon Musk renamed Twitter “X” and instituted a series of berserk changes that made it substantially less functional, complaints about the demise of the good internet popped up like mushrooms sprouting in dirt tossed over a fresh grave. Some people even complained on the very platforms they were mourning. Type “internet sucks now” into X’s search bar, you’ll see.
The New Yorker published an essay by writer Kyle Chayka on the subject, calling the decline of X a “bellwether for a new era of the Internet that simply feels less fun than it used to be.” People loved it. (Sample comments from X: “Relatable.” “Exactly right.”) Chayka claims that it’s now harder to find new memes, websites, and browser games than it was a decade ago. He also argues that the rising crop of platforms popular with young people—Twitch, TikTok—are inferior, enjoyment-wise, to the social web of the 2010s.
Both of these arguments are baffling. Memes fresher in the past? Yes, it’s tiresome to see Tim Robinson in a hot dog costume for the 500th time, but c’mon. In the early 2010s—the years Chayka longs for—the internet was all doge and doggos. It was the era of reaction GIF Tumblrs, the Harlem Shake, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Give me literally any still from I Think You Should Leave over “You Had One Job” epic fail image macros. Only glasses of the rosiest tint could recast the 2013 internet as a shitposting paradise lost.
The argument that the 2010s social web was superior amusement to the platforms now popular with Gen Z is even stranger. TikTok has major issues, but being unfun is not one of them. It’s been a springboard for some genuinely talented people, from comic Brian Jordan Alvarez to writer Rayne Fisher-Quann to chef Tabitha Brown. Binging Twitch streams certainly isn’t my thing, but people aren’t being held at gunpoint and forced to watch seven straight hours of Pokimane. They like it! They’re having fun! And how can one say with a straight face that gaming got worse? Roblox alone is a gleeful world unto itself; to pretend it doesn’t exist and isn’t a vibrant digital hangout is goofy and obtuse.
Corrosion of specific platforms on the internet—X, to pluck the most obvious example—is an observable phenomenon. (I, too, mourn old Twitter.) Musk’s changes to how X operates have made it harder to surface and verify information; his antics have driven away both advertisers and power users and allowed the cryptogrifter class to spam inboxes with invitations to NFT drops and meme coins, resulting in a digital space that feels abandoned and crowded at once. Other platforms, though, are flourishing.
Look at Discord, for instance. Its siloed structure is a throwback to the pre-Facebook internet era, when socializing online often meant logging on to specific forums. The disintegration of the Big Tech-dominated 2010s internet is creating a more balkanized social web experience, what Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler calls the “dark forest” theory, where people turn away from big, open mega-platforms in favor of more private or niche digital spaces, from nonpublic Slack channels to invite-only WeChat groups or special-interest podcasts. While some people might find that boring and hard to navigate, it’s not universally boring, or inherently difficult to navigate.
There are serious problems with the internet right now. Platform decay—“enshittification”—is real, and it’s not limited to X. Search is in shambles. Plus, the flood of AI spam has just begun. But there were serious problems with the internet 10 years ago too. Arguing that the decline of certain corners of a previous version of the internet means that the entire internet isn’t entertaining anymore is a preposterous leap.
The impulse to describe the internet as being in a dire existential crisis is an understandable one, especially if you love going online—it’s easier to get people to pay attention to emergencies, isn’t it? All sorts of decidedly not-dead things get declared dead periodically, from literary criticism to monogamy to Berlin. “My favorite platforms are faltering and I don’t like the new ones” isn’t as compelling a pitch as “The basic experience of goofing off online is on the brink of extinction!!!”
But the basic experience of goofing off and being creative online is not on the brink of extinction. Ten years from now, there will be writers—even if they’re AI chumbots churning out shitty prose on SubstaXitch, the demonic merged iteration of Twitch, Substack, and X our poor children will use—earnestly reminiscing about the good old days of 2023, when that affable menswear guy showed up on everybody’s feeds, and TikTok wasn’t banned in the US. I know this. I know it because during the era that Chayka is now nostalgic for, people were also complaining that they missed the old, good internet. (Real headline from 2015: “The Modern Internet Sucks. Bring Back Geocities.”)
This brings me to my theory about the internet. To understand how people feel about being online, look at how they feel about the long-running sketch comedy television show Saturday Night Live.
Bitching about how SNL is so much worse than it used to be is a time-honored tradition. It has been declared “Saturday Night Dead” regularly since it debuted in 1975, nearly 50 years ago. In 1995, for instance, a New York magazine writer bemoaned the “slow, woozy fall of a treasured pop-culture institution.” The cast at the time included Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Norm Macdonald, and Molly Shannon, all widely considered comedy legends in the present day. In 2017, in fact, New York ranked that cast’s run as the third-best era of SNL, ever, describing it like this: “At its peak, it’s hard to argue the show was ever better.” Quite the reassessment!
In 2014, writer Liz Shannon Miller examined the impulse people have to favor whatever era of Saturday Night Live they grew up with and watched during their formative years. “It’s a generational problem that leads to parents and kids just not being able to agree on the talents of John Belushi versus Will Ferrell,” Miller wrote for IndieWire.
A similar sort of generational problem is playing out right now about what it’s like to spend time online. Millennials grew up logging on in the 2000s and 2010s, maturing alongside Facebook. The internet from this era is the internet of our salad days. Of course watching it get eclipsed by a different iteration hurts. Of course some of us look at TikTok and wish it was Twitter—it’s the same impulse that propels family squabbles about whether the Lonely Island guys were funnier than the Please Don’t Destroy boys. Saturday Night Live has always been wildly uneven. Every era now heralded as golden was once pilloried as corny dreck.
To insist that the fun is over is to adopt an overly nostalgic stance, and one that rests on a pathetic fallacy: Just because you aren’t having fun on the internet doesn’t mean the internet itself is broken. It’s what it always has been, a flawed mirror of the cultural moment. It’s fine not to like it. But don’t pretend there aren’t young people alive right now who are having the most fun they’ll ever have online, just as there are young people alive right now who will be raving to their kids about how hilarious Bowen Yang was on SNL—especially compared to the synthetic clones of Gilda Radner and Jimmy Fallon the AI programmed to imitate Lorne Michaels cast in the 2061 season. We don’t need to make the present sound worse than it is. The future will come, soon enough.
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To be a Good Dog, or an Enemy of the World: Models of Masculinity in Shelter
Shelter is a very easy game to treat lightly when you first start it up. A bright colourful visual novel about anthropomorphic dog men, with clear Shounen anime influences in its tone and aesthetic. Charming, funny and unabashedly horny, Shelter presents itself as a game about a group of aggressively quirky treasure hunting doggos getting into all kinds of shenanigans amidst a post apocalyptic frozen wasteland. But to my surprise, not only did I find a game with unexpectedly rich worldbuilding, some sick action scenes (especially for a visual novel) and some genuinely powerful emotional payoffs. But it turns out Shelter has some surprisingly relevant things to say about constructs of masculinity and how they affect queer people. Full spoilers for the everything up to the most recent public update below.
Much of the story of the game revolves around Luke, the overseer of this technologically advanced home for lost Canines, and, apparently, one of the only known remaining Humans, as well as his three closest friends, and our three route characters: Burry, Rune and Max. We follow three alternate timelines where Luke spends the day bonding with one of the three, and, during the recurring event of Skies Ablaze, struggles with his identity as the only human in a giant facility full of anthropomorphic dog men. When Shelter malfunctions and is overrun by monsters, we witness three alternate ways the attack can play out. And in the course of this, the magical nature of Skies Ablaze as an event causes Luke to experience the memories of one of the three route characters. Through this we see the events that brought them to Shelter and how they became the self actualised people we see in the main game. That’s an extremely basic rundown of the gist of the game. But what I think makes this interesting is what we learn about the what the three used to be like before they joined.
All three of the route characters were in the service of one of the other powers that make up Shelter’s setting. Burry grew up along his many siblings only to be contracted as a scientist by the Wolves. Rune likewise was raised to be a soldier by the Wolves from birth. And Max was a spy and assassin on behalf of the Felines. It’s a common joke in the fandom to say that ‘everyone in Shelter is a war criminal’ but there’s definitely a major component of these dogs all being obligated and indoctrinated to serve corrupt systems of power, that lead then to do deplorable things. Burry begins research into the nature of Monsters, which leads him to turn the Wolves’ living test subjects into Monsters in a series of horrific experiments. Most shockingly, this included all of his own siblings. Rune, as the latest incarnation of the legendary hero, Moon, is trained to become the champion and general of the Wolven army and key to their expansion. Having been wrenched away from the only father figure he ever knew, he has taken countless lives in various campaigns, preparing himself for the moment when the power of his past lives finally manifests and his individual consciousness will fade.
Max is the least clear due to his route being unfinished, but we do know that he along with his brother Atri were trained not just to kill by the Felines, but also to hate and repress their own identity as Canines. To think of themselves as Felines, not being given a chance to choose that for themselves. Even in the present day, this still has an effect on Max. He struggles to relate to the other dogs, to adopt their mannerisms. Because he spent years being told that part of him was shameful and he should aspire to be something else.
So what’s the point of all of this? Well, while on the surface, Shelter is a fairly straightforward story of redemption, of people who have all done bad stuff in the past finding a home where they can make a fresh start and live better lives, it becomes very interesting when read through a queer theory lens. In fact, one starts to see some very pertinent points about the societal cishet masculine constructs that queer people have to exist in every day.
A recurring idea that comes up in the cast’s past is their instinctive desire to be told they’re a ‘good dog’. It’s a validation Burry craves as a scientist and Rune craves as a soldier. And sure, there’s a basic anthropomorphic element that they’re dogs who want to be praised. But what defines a ‘good dog’ in this context? Well, in a word, obedience. To live up to a very rigid social standard of what’s expected of them as a Canine, and crush any impulse that tells them otherwise. Burry must be cold and rational as a scientist, quashing his own empathy to perform disgusting experiments. Rune must be a constant image of strength as the legendary Hero. Always fighting for the sake of others and never showing a hint of weaknesses or vulnerability. As Luke points out, if his purpose is to save others, then who is going to save him? All three characters have to deny a part of themselves to live up to what arbitrary wider forces of power or culture have decided they should be. The realisation of this causes then to voice one of Shelter’s arc phrases:
“This World, truly, is Hell.”
And it is something they are only able to shake off when they are among the other dogs at Shelter. Or, in other words, when they are among other queer non conforming men, both literally and metaphorically. This is marked by then declaring themselves as having become an ‘Enemy of the World’. They have rejected the identity that was assigned to them by those in power, and have chosen one that lets them live as their best and true selves. Even when it may cause others to see them as a deviant or even an enemy.
Another factor that leads me to equate caninehood with queer masculinity is the fact that pretty much every named character in Shelter is male. Only one character with female pronouns has even been so much as mentioned so far in the text. Now there are other meta reasons for this. Shelter is an MLM centric, very NSFW game. One of the core draws of the game is to bang a bunch of hot muscular anthros, with very traditionally hypermasculine bodies. But when the game chooses to explore these themes of repression, identity, rigid social constructs and healthy self expression, it’s hard not to see a commentary on masculinity being made if every character is very pointedly, a guy. Now, I don’t want to imply that only queer men will get anything out of Shelter. I think these themes can resonate with any queer person. But I do think that when Shelter is read through the lens of being about the effects of toxic masculinity on queer people, it gains additional resonance.
In addition I think this lens of caninehood equalling queerness is also seen in the overt, casual sexuality of the dogs at Shelter. Luke is already friends with benefits with all three of the route characters before the game even starts. The player can have Luke hook up with other characters like Thistle and Alon and it has no negative consequences as no one really cares about that sort of thing. Again, this is to be expected in a smutty gay furry VN. But it does serve the point about queer celebration and expression. These characters can now be themselves here, whatever that entails. Homophobia is not really brought up as a concept in this game (again, with practically no female characters there are no straight relationships to be propped up as more desirable). But the spectre of it lingers metaphorically in the game’s subtext. There is a conflict between what other forces claim a ‘good dog’ should be, and what caninehood means to these characters.
So how do our characters break free from these masculine constructs? Well, in many ways, because of Luke. Burry, having left behind his masters after deciding he could no longer work for them, goes into hiding in the snowy wastelands beyond Mozeburk. Trying and failing to save his brothers’ souls. He finally meets Luke, half dead in the snow, where the two band together and ultimately discover and establish Shelter. The two devise a magic to restore the souls of Burry’s brothers which Burry calls on in the present day during the final battle. Burry believed he had been irreparably warped by his complicity in the systems around him. That he was no longer a Canine, but a monster still worse than the ones he created. But he reinvents himself through finding connection with someone who believes in him, and who he believes in too. His love for Luke gives him a new purpose and identity. He now lives not for the sake of obedience but for loyalty. The toxic idea of what it means to be a dog is reimagined as something more positive. Kind of like embracing a healthier understanding of masculinity.
This applies to Rune as well. Before he felt he could never express his own weakness due to his socially mandated role, and awaited the total loss of his sense of self. He even ends up imposing those harsh systems on others by intending to take Shelter away from Luke and Burry and hand its powerful technology over the Wolves. Meeting Luke causes Rune to reconsider everything he once thought about himself. And it culminates in him manifesting the power of the Hero not in himself, but in Luke. He allows himself to be saved, to be emotionally vulnerable, to be sexually liberated (as it is around this point that Rune starts engaging freely in casual sex). He comes out, both literally and symbolically, not as the Hero, but as Rune. He trades closed off stoicism for boisterous earnestness. Again, a newer, healthier form of canine masculinity. And while Max’s flashbacks have not yet been elaborated on, I fully expect them to follow this theme.
There is also something to be said about how, within Shelter, they take on new roles that have sometimes culturally bern labelled as not being stereotypically masculine. Burry is the tavern cook. Rune, while ostensibly the chief of Shelter and head of defence, spends most of his time as a teacher for the other dogs. And Max shines as a musician. There too they take on gentler, nonconforming images of masculinity, ones in which their queerness can shine.

And key to all of these arcs, is Luke himself. I would posit that, if Shelter is about a bunch of traumatised men learning to embrace and celebrate their queerness, then Luke, narratively, is queerness personified. His own struggles as the only Human among the dogs represents a near universal queer experience. He wants to be accepted, to be as much of a canine as they are. But he is othered for something he was born as, something he can’t control. He is bullied and isolated by Teak, who is himself a walking hotbed of every toxically masculine trait in the book to drive this home further. In fact, between his hang ups over the physical differences between him and the dogs and how this eats away at his perception of his own identity, you could potentially read Luke’s arc as metaphorically being about gender identity, as he comes to realise that those arbitrary differences he was born with don’t make him any less of a canine at heart. But, as a random cis dude, I kinda feel like that’s not really my analysis to make beyond the broad strokes, even though it’s worth bringing that up.
He undergoes many relatable queer hardships But he also embodies the positive transformative power of queerness. Giving Burry someone to love and live for. Becoming the Hero for Rune to allow the latter to be true to himself. And accepting Max even though he is far from a typical Canine. In the present day story, Luke is the one who undergoes a character arc, compared to his friends/lovers who all go through theirs in flashbacks. In an act of queer solidarity, these now self actualised men are able to help him when he struggles with his identity and purpose in a way that mirrors themselves. Like Burry, Luke struggles with his sense of duty, keeping Shelter running smoothly at a distance, versus what he wants in his heart. Like Rune, he bottles up his emotions to act as the support for everyone else, and learns to confide in them and ask for help (all while stepping once more into the role of the Hero during the final battle, taking on a power only a canine could wield and proving his true nature once more). The Enemies of the World find home, support and empathy with each other, even as that World tries to quash them.
Of course, not only is the story incomplete but I’ve only scratched the surface with Shelter as a game. I could go further into characters like Teak, Alon and Cooper and how they all reinforce these themes in various ways. Or mine further details from the rich worldbuilding. Or even discuss the meta significance of the game’s multiple endings through the Barkest Corner. But my point was really to discuss what made Shelter so special to me. It’s a goofy, gorgeous, shameless visual novel with a lot of polish, a lot of porn and an even bigger amount of heart and sincerity at its core. It tells a moving queer narrative draped in a fantastical veneer and does it incredibly well. And I can’t wait to see how Rausmutt plans to bring it to a close.
#thank for listening to me ramble on about the gay furry doggo game#shelter vn#shelter#rune moon#burry tangleroot#max shelter#luke shelter
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