#also this subject is one that like while not related to my major is genuinely kind of useful and interesting shit to know?

[elytrafemme]

obvious preface that academic achievement is in many senses bullshit and intellect is not based off of your scores on things in school that makes zero sense and the structures we deem as objective like academic institutions are at their roots subjective and biased. this being said i must admit that it feels really fucking nice to get a good score on a test

[sphnyspinspin]

OMG TFONE HEADCANNON/REVIEW TIME LETS GOO‼️✨💙❤️🩷💛✨‼️

[B-127]

I just want to say I FUCKING LOVED TRANSFORMERS ONE!!! It has officially won a special place in my heart that I’ll cherish fondly until the end of time.

Okay, now I just HAVE to talk about some of my headcannons that theorizes some things that a certain review that—may or may not have irked me the wrong way—has gotten me thinking about. Like, for example:

Is B-127 really just there for comedy relief?

HELL. NO. You know why? Because he was forged to be a yapper, that’s why. He’s a storyteller. He might not be the most mature one in the gang, but he’s the type of immature that stems from being repeatedly outcasted and ignored to the point of not understanding other people’s boundaries or a majority of social cues.

And let’s just face it, everyone is their own type of immature.

His yapping tendencies can actually play a big part in some potential development as more than just a bystander. BY BEING A STAND-BYER! HEY-OH!

I think that B-127 is going to be the one to spread the true narrative about his three other friends during their long trek across Cybertron and their beginnings. Because he was there… he was always THERE.

He was there when Orion Pax and D-16 found the SOS message from THE Alpha Trion. He was there when Alpha Trion was discovered—and was REVIVED thanks to HIS pocket energon. He was there when Sentinel’s allegiance with the Quintessons was revealed. He was there when he, Elita-1, Orion Pax, and D-16 were given the T-Cogs of the deceased Primes. He was there to see D-16 rally the High Guard after beating Starscream for the first time.

And he was there when Sentinel Prime violently carved the face of D-16’s idol into his chest while parading around that same idol’s T-Cog right in front of him… In front of the both of them…

I’m not even going to try to repeat the wise banger that Alpha Trion said about how the T-Cogs are the physical embodiments of their race’s freedom to choose what they become and stuff, because I genuinely can’t remember any of it. I’m so sorry. But I know for a FACT since D-16 and B-127 were both there when he said it they immediately made it a core memory for themselves—therefore they BOTH knew the downright gruesome implications it meant for Sentinel wearing one as a trophy after murdering the Prime it belonged to.

That also means B-127 was able to see what Orion Pax and Elita-One weren’t able to see right before D-16 was about to murder the guy. Yeah, they were able to show all of Iacon all of the shitty actions he did BEFORE he captured B and D and half of the High Guard, but none of what transpired in that torture room was ever broadcasted to any servant class workers, or civilians in general, or to Orion Pax and Elita-1.

But B-127 saw it. He saw ALL of it. He was THERE. He was the only other friend that D-16 had in there, the only other friend of Orion Pax and Elita-1 that was in there. The High Guard didn’t count, they haven’t seen any of what Sentinel did through the lenses of B-127.

Through the lenses of a friend to the inevitable Optimus Prime.

So here’s what I’m imagining. B-127 is going to play devil’s advocate, one way or another, whenever there’s a time when the subject of a conversation would be Megatron related. He would be able to recollect their time together in that room with Sentinel and the rest of the High Guard—waiting to be tortured and framed and EXECUTED in front of the WHOLE CITY OF IACON. B-127 and D-16’s HOME.

He’d most likely be able to sympathize, maybe even EMPATHIZE, with Megatron’s motives. Unlike Orion Pax or Elita-1. Of course we all know that Optimus was friends with Megatron for way longer than B-127, but again he didn’t see what B-127 saw. And… now that I’m thinking about it… B-127 is a little bit like D-16. In a sense.

I think we all saw how eager he was to use his knife hands as often as possible after he discovered them. Kind of like how D-16 became real attached to his canons, both in and out of his alt-mode, when he got them. Oh my god, I could seriously go on and on about so many minor character parallels between D-16/Megatron and B-127 if I could. Like I’m just now thinking about how B and D could’ve gotten along a lot better if they actually got to know each other. The main reasoning why they’d understand each other a lot:

They both know what it’s been like to face the unjust consequences of the system they were unknowingly forced into.

While Orion was, from a shallow perspective, a rebellious punk who was always putting himself in these whacky situations to get what he wants, where D-16 would have to come and save his aft, while he’d suffer the consequences later on. Though Orion was able to subdue D-16’s wrath with calming reassurance, D-16 would still continue to be the “understanding type” from Orion’s perspective as long as he was able to be forgiven after another one of his stunts, that sometimes, he even brings D-16 into against his better—more cautious—judgement.

And Elita being the commanding type, incredibly determined at any given task she puts her mind to, like Orion, she too faced the consequences of Orion’s actions, like D-16. But then again, her strong headed attitude and overall ability to get back up and immediately put herself back to work to accomplish her goals, is what separates her from the rest of the gang; by being responsible for herself and herself only, and when ORION’S actions got HER demoted, she’s rightfully upset and makes it well-known to Orion and holds him accountable.

But B-127 isn’t headstrong like Elita, and he isn’t rebellious like Orion. He’s his own in-depth unique thing that has a slightly more similar comparison with D-16 than the other two. It’s definitely hidden well. But not completely invisible. He’s more complaisant when it comes to facing consequences, especially when he doesn’t have a choice in the system he grew up in.

And so is D-16. He literally said he deserved it when DARKWING of all bots decked him in the face for defending Orion.

As I was saying, I genuinely do believe that B-127’s progression through the story would be him being a kind of devil’s advocate to Megatron, with him being able to better comprehend the events that were put into play and how they conspired into D-16 killing Sentinel, cementing his role as Megatron. And how B-127 would be the one to be the metaphorical dampener when it comes to any misinformation that’s potentially passed around when it comes to Megatron’s “descent into madness” and be able to back himself up with the proof that’s up in his noggin.

He’ll be able to SAY something.

He’ll be able to say that D-16… that Megatron is worth sympathizing, is worth UNDERSTANDING, even when what he did was horrific to say the least.

.

.

.

And imagine how much of a downfall it would be if Megatron were to be the one to tear out B-127’s very instrument that was one of his main tools in saying ANYTHING that could’ve brought a bit more understanding to HIS story… From an up-close and personal perspective, outside of his own.

To show is to inform, to communicate is to educate.

Without his voice box he can always just let someone project his memories onto a screen… but to sit back and not give any verbal feedback of his personal feelings about it, would be less than ideal to the interaction-starved mech we know and love. Especially since he was one of the mechs that played one of the biggest roles in history that could wholeheartedly understand Megatron’s origins more than anyone could know.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Just found this in twitter, so cool :

"Sukuna about Yuji: “Our souls lived in the same body. I know that this kid, no matter how many times his soul brakes, he'll always come back. He wields an invincible soul” #JJKSpoilers #JJK248"

Thoughts (as SukuIta shipper & non shipper glasses)?

I don't know if my shipper opinion differs much from the non shipper one.

I've been talking about how unique Yuuji's soul is for a long time now. And the story has always acknowledged it. The concept of the soul, what it is, what it can do, how it relates to jujutsu, is one of the recurring issues heavily discussed in universe. All major antagonists mention it. Those who understand the shape of their soul like Mahito or Sukuna are extremely powerful. Sukuna's soul is stronger than Mahito's so he isn't affected by Mahito's touch, he tells Mahito off for trying to touch is soul and easily hurts Mahito when the curse displeases him.

However Sukuna is stuck in Yuuji. In normal circumstances he can't take over, and if Yuuji stayed protected, unharmed and ignorant to the horrors of the world, aka if his soul didn't get damaged physically or emotionally, and he would've been fed the fingers gradually, he would've been able to keep Sukuna as a prisoner for ever.

In the fanbook, Gege said, that if Yuuji consumed a weaker cursed object than Sukuna's fingers, he'd've likely completely absorbed it. This both shows how potent his soul is and how strong is Sukuna's that he survives a prison like that intact. It's curious whether Yuuji would've started to absorb him too in this scenario where he would've lived a relatively peaceful life just consuming the fingers from time to time.

And what Sukuna says here hints that maybe he would've succumbed. Yuuji's soul is extremely strong. Now, on the outside, Sukuna can try and destroy Yuuji. But if he were still stuck inside? Stuck indefinitely with no prospect of getting out?

Yuuji impresses Sukuna, probably has for a while now but Sukuna did everything not to admit that. But the frustration that is Yuuji to him has bean peeking through. The insults, the condescension, the very poorly performed fake indifference? Being stuck in Yuuji he learned of power, of strength that he likely hadn't considered before. Hadn't truly encountered or seen up close. And he'd been testing the boundaries of Yuuji's strength from the beginning by constantly bullying him. Unsuccessfully.

When Sukuna ponders Higuruma's death and as a result his thoughts stray to Yuuji, it's no accident that he is reminded of Jougo.

It's when we see Sukuna be affected by someone with goals, with ideals. He's been long enough in Yuuji to start to see them as valuable even though he doesn't understand that yet, he doesn't get why he talked with Jougo during the curse's death.

He even genuinely asks Yuuji about this. In his fights he's Usually toothy grins and condescending smirks, in this fight he's also mostly that. But here he stops and asks. He looks pensive, curious.

In chapter 248, in his ruminations on Yuuji, he finally puts it together. And takes it personally, he actually starts caring about something even if that something is killing Yuuji. Yuuji interests him on a personal level, and no one else has.

This next part is very subjective, because it's honestly about how you personally read the panels, and they are small and not very detailed. And the way I see them may be coloured by my shipper bias.

But I think he's shown fondness of Yuuji in their fight after he took over Megumi's body.

To me his face here shows that he's satisfied with Yuuji's answer to his question. Because of how his brows and eyes are drawn, his face feels soft, like this is a smile, not a smirk.

Again the line of his brows is soft. He says it's hilarious but here he doesn't look amused to me, more pleased. So this line and the next one feel like excuses. Like he doesn't want Yuuji to die because he hasn't figured Yuuji out yet, and Sukuna is a huge nerd, he likes to know.

[silly-comics]

I got a question or more, sorry if they is dumb it probably is, anyway

Anything New About The Comic That You Got Done Yet? Not Rushing

And that last ask got me wondering sorry if this is the dumbest question, but why do you ship killer x cross and Horror x dust? If you don't mind me asking

I have no problem with the ships they just seem off to me but that's my opinion so I just wanted to know why or your opinion on why you ship them?

Sorry if it's dumb I just wanna know

Back to the question this is the last one

What ships do you find gross or disturbing? I just want your look on things

Ik this is long I'm sorry-

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been going through one of my depressive episodes and I typically fall out of drawing for months when those happen. So I haven’t really made any progress on the comic, which is what I know yall don’t wanna hear. School should be starting back up again sometime soon though and I’ll be forced to draw so I’ll probs get back into then.

For your second question:

I ship Killer X Cross because I think their dynamic would be interesting and a bit goofy. Killer being the bastard he is goes well with Cross who would balance him out and perhaps make less bad choices. On the other hand, Killer could teach Cross how to loosen up a bit and live a little. They can also both relate on the “I was once sharing a body with Chara” thing lol. Plus, I think Cross could maybe have the same end effect that Color would have on Killer in that if they were to realize that maybe being under Nightmares power isn’t so healthy, Cross could help steer Killer towards the path of freedom?

Horror x Dust is a little more tricky to explain. I feel it came more from a place of necessity rather than genuine love for each other? They got together to stabilize each other while under Nightmare, it was a way to cope. It’s a bit toxic with Horror’s constant paranoia/distrustfulness/anger issues and Dust’s apathy/indifference and the tendency to dissociate as well as major move swings. I like to think there’s a time where they eventually work this stuff out and can actually be together, I don’t think it’s realistic. At least without another outsiders help, like shipping Horror with Farm and Dust with Fell. If it was more of a poly, the other two could help stabilize Horror and Dust I feel.

I love angst and stuff but at the same time it makes my heart ache so much 😭 so these aren’t like the only pairings I like with the group. I like the idea of it being a poly of all of them, including Nightmare, with varying levels of closeness.

For the ships I find gross/disturbing: I feel like the obvious ones do not need to be named, so just the proship ones. I’m not usually the type to go on a rant about proshipping and stuff, so I’ll leave it at that.

If you’re asking what type of ships I personally dislike though, that answer is also a little boring as I don’t really mind what other people think as long as it’s not weird. Like, I’ll occasionally see something like Nightmare X Fresh and the most I’ll do is question where that idea came from. Good art is good art so you’ll get a like from me no matter the subject (besides the obvious boundaries).

Also, guys, you gotta stop apologizing cause I love ranting and answering your questions 🥺 you guys have been very kind

[synergysilhouette]

Changes I'd make to Tim Drake (Warning: may be controversial)

As my favorite Robin, I've needed to make this post for a long time. I know my opinions may not be agreed upon, but I hope my dedication is still appreciated, nonetheless.

He isn't dragged for his superhero goals--Any poor mistake that DC makes, they decide to pin it on him having poor judgement, which is really unfair. As many things that get ignored/retconned (even if they arguably shouldn't be, depending on the subject), it feels bizarre to drag Tim for things like his ill-fated "Drake" costume and era, especially when it was walked back on so quickly. On top of this, people seem to look down on him for genuinely enjoying being Robin. Robin wasn't always a "move on" position, per se; Dick had been Robin for consecutive decades before deciding he wanted something different, while Jason was murdered and became someone else as a reflection of this. Tim became Robin because he saw that Batman NEEDED him, and deduced Batman and the previous Robin's identities on his own. If he wants to do stop being Batman's partner (or sidekick, depending on perspective), it should be his own choice, not everyone else saying "this was a temp job and you're out."

He has his own unique color, costume, and maybe even codename--Even if he remains by Batman's side, Tim deserves to be distinct; his codename and color scheme are shared with all his brothers, and it doesn't do much for him. I'd definitely prefer a cowless take on his Savior costume (unsure about the codename; it feels a bit too on-the-nose, but it also feels like it represents his need to help others) or bring back his N52 Red Robin suit WITH the wings as well as making him the brother in purple, which goes well with the Batfamily's aesthetic as well as signifying his romance with Stephanie and friendship with Bunker.

He's going for a psyche major--I feel like this fits so well with his motivations. It's weird that the Batfamily doesn't put more stock in studying psychology outside of Harley (who rarely uses this skill, much to my chagrin). Tim wants what's best for everyone, and became a hero in order to help people. He isn't simply trying to stop problems, but prevent them and make Gotham a better place for everyone. While he can still go for a cyber-related degree (I don't remember his exact major), I'd prefer he also go for a degree that furthers his desire to understand and improve others, plus it's good to help him better understand himself as well. Definitely would've made this something he furthered in "Heroes in Crisis" (which I should make an post about another time).

He isn't bi--Hate me if you must. I'm a gay guy, and I just didn't vibe with this reveal. During the mid-2000s, it was stated by one of his artists that he and the writers kind of already saw Tim as bi, though DC never made this canon until 2021. As far as I know (as a 2010s comic person), it never seemed like DC was keen to lean into LGBT sexuality for Tim, and given that they've been treating him poorly post-N52, it feels like this was a random "let's find a way to make Tim as popular as his brothers" by making him stand out in a way that they didn't. I know this is a bold claim, but this is a feeling I've had for a while now, especially since his personal life now mainly revolves around Bernard (personal bias, but I'm usually not a fan of heroes dating non-heroes; I'd prefer him with Bunker--or Connor, if he's romantically into guys). And they haven't done him many favors since; DC infamously described him as the "always-online bisexual" in a now deleted tweet that embodies my concern that they're just defining him by his sexuality now, as well as a solo comic with horrendous art for most of the run. If Jason or Damian were depicted as bi (with the latter being the least controversial choice, imo, given his younger tenure in comics and romantic life not as fleshed out), I'm almost sure they'd be better handled, probably because they've been better handled as characters in recent years. Overall, I found Tim's retcon of sexuality unnecessary (yet we have bi characters such as Ghostmaker who were LGBT from the get-go and don't get nearly as much attention) and overall used as a metaphor for his "indecisiveness" at making decisions that DC forced onto him.

He still has a (biological) family and life--A big problem with writers and artists is that they sometimes have a problem with trying to make the 4 Robins identical in appearance and lives. Unlike Jason and Dick, Tim wasn't an orphan adopted by Bruce, not originally anyway. He had his own life and chose to be part of Bruce's world, and the need to make him an orphan with pretty much nothing going on in his civilian life was disrespectful (is he still an Olympic-level gymnast? Kinda love the idea that he takes time off for "me time" here and there and that's when Damian or another Batfam member jumps in). Let him have friends and family as Tim Drake, not just as Robin. Let Bruce be his dad without killing off his biological one. Let Tim have autonomy and individuality!

More A-list connections--This is being petty, but most of his friends are next-gen heroes with no major stuff going on for themselves, just like him. Surrounding yourself with important people can help you become important, too. I'm not telling friends to drop his friend groups (him and Conner have one of the best male homosocial relationships in comics and it sucks how they got overshadowed by Damian and Jon), but giving him more relationships with well-known characters could help his status. Plus maybe involve him in more teams outside of Teen Titans and the Batfamily; it's not good that he jumps between being an underrated member amongst iconic characters and a leader of underrated people. Just make sure he's not trading positions to become another hero's apprentice--there was once plans for him to be the next Blue Beetle as well as a temporary Nightwing, neither of which would be good for him, tbh. I have similar feelings for Starfire (we need more of her friendship and Superman; plus I'd love another underrated TT team led by Tim, perhaps with Ryand'r).

Never lose sight of who he is--The idea with Tim (at least from what I've absorbed) is that he's the most optimistic, maybe even naive, version of Dick, committed to wanting to help people and support them, and not one to brush them off of devalue them. He's got a heart, not just a brain, and I like to consider him one of the glue sticks that holds the family together. He doesn't need to be edgy or cool in the way that Damian and Jason are, nor should he be reduced to a sex object like Dick (which is another post entirely).

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Subversion of expectations in Set Me Free Pt. 2

What makes it all worth it in closely following an artist's career trajectory is having the opportunity to look at their work from various angles. In turn, that opens the possibility to make comparisons, to be able to spot the various inspirations, to see how it's positioned in the appropriate contexts. It's not an easy job, but the result is that by taking into consideration all these elements, it's possible to eventually know what type of interpretation is more suited, without making major leaps for the sake of it or turn the work into an ahistorical event.

I've been thinking all day how I should write about Jimin's pre-release track. I kept postponing it, going back to watching the music video and keeping my involvement in debates to a minimal. In actuality, and for the sake of honesty, after a few hours I was in the avoiding stage. I had thoughts here and there, but nothing that I was able to put together in a coherent way. I wrote and deleted paragraphs several times. The reason was because in the last few months I've become more interested in his projects, wanting to witness the direction he is taking which in turn affected the way I approach each topic regarding Jimin's work.

I'm saying all this because I want to point out the element of subjectivity. Which is ever present. There's no such thing as complete objectivity. It may manifest as neutral or heavily analytical statements, but underneath all that there's the obvious element of our own taste and bias. I think we can't have an honest conversation as long as we don't acknowledge that. Being biased in this context makes us protective of the artist we like, of perhaps thinking but not being ready to admit that we hold them as the highest standard in order for them to become the main point of comparison when we look at other artists. As much as I see this as an expected result of our subjectivity, I strongly believe that stating and being honest about this can make our interpretation and opinions to come from a more genuine place. Otherwise we hide behind our own notions of taste and knowledge which can lead to useless comparisons and connections between artists when that's not the case or more likely, judging a specific work in relation to some standards that have no place in the current conversation.

This is something that I have to remind myself all the time because I can be guilty of, but it's also a type of discussion that I see happening a lot in online spaces (predominantly twitter) which eventually doesn't bring anything of real value to the table.

In this context, I think it's impossible not to look at Set Me Free Pt. 2 (SMFP2 in the following mentions) as a sort of turning point. Not only the song, but the entire album. But for now, I will refer to this track because it's relevant in its connections to other major points in Jimin's career. SMFP2 closes a chapter while also setting the stage for what will come next. Not only that, it shows a versatility that sometimes it's a more relevant point in the context of releasing a first solo album, an EP in this case. The song and its visual representation can be understood in the context of what came before, specifically Lie, but also Jimin's artistic trajectory in the the last decade as a group member, his personal journey and his status and presence in the public life as an artist.

What I appreciate about Jimin's work is that it shows his ability and predisposition to storytelling. Of taking parts of his individual path and turning them into motifs, easily recognizable for the listener who has the availability to try to understand. I want to mention first Lie and Filter because both songs are representative for specific stages in Jimin's life as an artist. Lie was a cry for help and salvation, of not being able to get out of a web of lies that can swallow one whole. By the time Filter came, it showed a maturity and self awareness that came from knowing how he is perceived, of playing the part, but always on his terms. With SMFP2, Jimin doesn't need an outside force to come for help because he is finally able to do that on his own. And that only comes after years of struggle.

As much as the song is liberating, the aggressive element takes center stage. This is the song of an angry man that had enough and he can finally say and do what needs to be done. And he has only himself which makes it all the more scary because it shows his inner power and ability to endure, but also to fight back. It's a stage in which he shows that he's invincible, with lyrics such as ''I won't hide anymore, even if it hurts/I won't stop even if they mock me''. In terms of structure, the song is a conversation between Jimin who acknowledges that he reached a new stage in which he is free because he did it himself and another inner voice, the one that has to remind everyone that he is untouchable now and no meek person. Musically, this is achieved and punctuated by focusing on the hardware version – the rap part and the software element expressed through Jimin's usual vocal signature.

Instead of turning this into a step by step analytical interpretation of the lyrics and imagery, I want to discuss some elements of it through the frame of expectations and the subsequent subversion of them.

If SMFP2 being a hip-hop song might be considered a choice that apparently doesn't fully characterize Jimin or it comes as a surprise based on the teasers alone, I think it manages to show how he can adapt and make use of different genres, including those that we might not immediately associate with him. The reason why this song works is due to the heavy contrast punctuated by the insertion of a heavily artificial element. While from a matter of personal taste, the sound itself here can be quite difficult to digest, the choice makes sense because it creates a distinct voice that helps in distinguishing the two parts of Jimin that are sending different signals and which represent two sides of the story he's telling. The autotune on the rap parts makes his voice almost unrecognizable, but that also means we're seeing a clear case of subversion. That voice sounds foreign and not something we might even associate with him, but we have to keep in mind that it's the aggressive voice. The one who is sincere and clearly states he basically has no fucks left to give.

The music video was also surprising because it presented a type of choreography that is yet again different from what we would expect. And this element is crucial because of what we know of Jimin's background and his status as a dancer. A common observation/criticism is that he didn't dance as much as it would have been possible and that's a thought that also crossed my mind initially. But then I kept thinking about it and I realized that this might be a case of wanting a specific type of dancing from him and instead, receiving something else. Perhaps it should have had strictly moves for every single beat, a more complex choreography for Jimin and not what looks as him taking control over only specific parts, instead of just making some movements that look a bit uncoordinated in order to fill in the space created by the dancers. But on taking a closer look, it becomes obvious how every movement and gesture is purposeful. I see Jimin here as the one who orchestrates and leads the entire choreography, including controlling those around him. It might look like they hold control over him, as in the case of pointing their fingers, or acting almost possessed trying to take him down, but they move based on how Jimin controls the space. I think it makes a show of power, even in the moments in which on the surface it might look like the opposite is happening.

The (melo)dramatic tone of the song and especially that of the music video is achieved through the use of only a handful of elements. In this case it's interesting to note that it happens in the vein of less is more when usually the opposite is the norm. Using only one space, quite minimalist in terms of chromatic elements and lighting and camera techniques, the focus is on the choreography. It's the principal element which can only come from someone who has an established image and known for his dancing abilities. There is no need for props or other artifice in order to elevate or complement the production. The message needs to be straightforward and adding other elements would take away the attention from what is relevant. For a song that makes use of an imposing choir, brass instruments and drums, that is more than enough to convey the epic element of the story.

Ultimately SMFP2 is yet another example of how Jimin always subverts the expectations, of how there is this entire world and parts of himself that we wouldn't even think about. Yes he will rap, but he will do it in way that is unexpected. Of course he will dance, but the choreography will not be entirely like the type we are used from him. And he will have a poem of Rainer Maria Rilke tattooed on his torso which only indicates that we barely know anything about him. Of what is the spectrum of his inspiration, of what are some of his creative influences separate from what we would already expect. There's always the element of surprise and if there's one thing that I know I can expect from Jimin, is him doing more and different than what I could possibly think of.

This might be a song in his first solo album, but Jimin is starting on this path after 10 years of work. It means there's an entire baggage of experience, but also that we're seeing a new direction. Which can prove to be successful entirely, or perhaps only a first step for someone who will have plenty of time in establishing a public identity as a solo artist. I think his future looks bright, regardless if this song is exactly what we would have wished for or not.

*This post is merely an attempt at some sort of generalized view of the song and the music video. I will mostly likely talk more about specific elements in the following days if the occasion arises, probably by having conversations through asks. 

[tater-tot-jr]

I think I should put in my two cents considering the Hazbin hotel leaked Angel Dust clip. I’ll say that this post should be one absolutely massive trigger warning. If you’re sensitive please don’t read this, I’m pretty blunt. Also I’m only talking about a small leak but SPOILERS!!!

So before I make any points I’ll start by saying that I’m not an inherent fan of vivziepop, this isn’t meat riding, it’s a genuine attempt at open conversation and discussion. I’ll also say I’m a survivor myself and while I don’t claim to speak for anyone else I have some ground to stand on here. I completely understand that people can be triggered by this type of imagery and will at least skip this particular scene or episode, I promise I’m not talking about you guys.

You wanna know who I am talking about though? The weird ass moral police I’ve been watching mobilize. It’s crazy how people are making a big deal out of this. I’ve seen three arguments and all of them are terrible in themselves and being used to justify terrible behavior.

I’ve only seen people claim three major things, this is a bad depiction of a s/a survivor and situation, this is something that’s too graphic and immoral to put in a TV show, the fact that the singing and dancing lightens the tone in a way people find distasteful. I’m going to be trying to prove why I find these arguments mostly ridiculous and unfounded.

As for argument one, s/a survivors come in all shapes and sizes and hyper sexuality happens to be an incredibly common reaction to sexual trauma. I haven’t watched episode one and two but even if I had I’d still have too small of a sample size to determine the entire tone of an incredibly messed up complex dynamic between too incredibly interesting and layered characters. It’s ridiculous to have so many assumptions and expectations of an *11 second leaked clip.*

Secondly. Creative freedom is possible the most important thing in art. If we didn’t have the freedom to put what we wanted on paper or on screen then we wouldn’t have had so much societal change recently. Just because you might find something distasteful and immoral doesn’t mean it absolutely has to be hated on and removed. It’s okay to not like things because you find them gross, it’s okay to not enjoy graphic depictions of serious subjects, it’s not okay to start internet wars over moral bullshit. It’s okay to be mad in silence sometimes, guys.

Thirdly. I kinda get this one, I don’t agree with it but I do understand the point. The idea you don’t want a serious subject framed with a sexy pop song is not inherently bad, it’s just something that makes me think you wouldn’t have liked Hazbin Hotel anyway. I actually appreciate the fact they are using the creative medium to make bold and shocking decisions but I get some people are sensitive to new things, that’s fine. Where this argument gets ridiculous is when people act like this is very out of line for a show like this. This isn’t a Saturday morning kids cartoon it’s and adult animated show about people in hell. It’s highly likely that this won’t be the worst thing we see, you either need to heed the trigger warnings at the beginning of each episode or get over it.

You’ll notice that I didn’t bring up anything about the merchandise pins or the storyboard artist, I did this because they aren’t arguments but barely related attempts at character assassinations. When you spend five minutes thinking about them critically you come to realize that there is nothing substantial to those arguments.

I’d like to finish up talking about how I think this scene is doing more good than harm. It’s important to make people uncomfortable when you’re talking about things so horrible like s/a and rape. It shouldn’t be meek and palatable for a general audience, it should upset you. I remember hearing something in a video game once that stuck with me. There was a character who said that when you’re sick you need strong medicine and that the strongest medication is very bitter.

I think episode four will be some very bitter medicine.

[daredevils-advocate]

DAREEEEE!! DARE MY DARLING MY LOVE MY DEAR hello 🥰

Re: your reblog about underwater albums

The photo rang a very distant bell in my mind and I could have sworn I've seen it before, lo and behold, when I went to check my Instagram highlights, I saw that it was on there!!!

Said highlights contain songs that I've discovered/rediscovered throughout the year, and the ones that really stick out, I put on there. This song was the first one I put for the year 2024.

And since you love them, that means they are worth checking out and so I shall do that, starting with this album! But I would love to hear if you have any specific songs you would throw my way as an introduction to this band ☺️ okaythatsitiloveyou mwah!!

WAAAAHHHH!!! 🥺🥹🥰

DARLING!!!!!

(I am putting this under a cut because I 100% started rambling and it got very long winded. I'm not sorry.)

So first off, being told that music is worth listening to simply because I like it is genuinely the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm smooching your face

SECOND!!! I've been listening to PR since before they were PR (heard them on the Disney channel as Kropp Circle when I was like- 7? Ish) and are the only artists I've been able to see more than once! I would say they're definitely top 3 favorite bands.

So this band is actually made up of a group of brothers who go by their first and middle names professionally, Sebastian Danzig on guitar, Remington Leith on vocals, and Emerson Barrett on drums.(Well Seb and Rem go by their middle names. Em legally changed his to omit their last name and add in a new middle name following his knighthood in 2022.)They've had a few different bassists and rhythm guitarists for touring, but they make up the main band. They all have input on composition and all 3 of them take part in song writing as well.

Anyway SONG RECS!!! I'm gonna give you one or 2 of my favorites from each album, as well as noting which songs are the classic "need-to-knows"

(note: there are some songs here that I say hit home for me personally, doesn't necessarily mean I relate to the subject matter, just that the songs are so emotionally driven that it's hard not to empathize with it)

So starting you off with their second album "Boom Boom Room Side B" (the underwater album in question), you clearly already know it, Dying in A Hot Tub is one I recommend because it hits right in the feels, especially with the knowledge that they wrote it about/for one of their best friends. It is what I would consider a staple of PR.

I like recommending this one because it's the first song they ever released under the name of Palaye Royale back in 2012. At the time they were 20, 18, and 16, so it's interesting to listen to how much their style has changed and how much they've grown as musicians over the past 12 years

Now this one is from their first EP "The Ends Beginning." It was their first major release and it's just beautiful. This is probably my favorite song off it

From their first studio album "Boom Boom Room Side A", this one is a classic PR song. A few years back Sumerian Records put out a movie called American Satan, which followed a fictional band called The Relentless who essentially make a deal with the devil in exchange for fame. Now while the main character/vocalist of The Relentless was played by Andy Beirsack, all the singing was actually done by Remington, and this song was added to the movie as an ode to that.

Also BBR A, this one also hits directly in the feels. I don't think I would have survived had I been able to travel to the city back when they played this live acoustic for vip meets (which were held on their bus/in their trailer back then! Unfortunately they've apparently developed an allergy to STL since)

So from album 3, titled "The Bastards", I actually loved this song far before it came out, as the boys love putting unreleased tracks in live setlists. I think I legit screamed when I heard the opening notes to this the first time I went to a show a full year before the album dropped

Keeping with the theme of pointing out which songs on each album hit hard, track 14 still makes me cry every time I hear it

Album 4, "Fever Dream" actually has quite a few that I could mention, but I'll limit this to 2. Both of these hit home for me personally, definitely on the sadder end of the spectrum here, I promise there are more upbeat ones on this album, but these are the 2 that stand out to me the most

Now their 2nd ep (technically their 4th ep, but the 2nd and 3rd are made up of singles later released as part of Bastards and Fever Dream, so I'm not counting those) Is titled "Sextape", and is 2 original songs and 3 covers. I will be listing 1 of each.

First the cover. This is originally by Depeche Mode, but the way Rem sings it is so beautiful and I love it to bits

The original song here is both extremely sad and angry, based off a previous relationship. It also has an extra layer to me, as I hadn't sworn off social media yet and saw this play out in real time, so hearing exactly what was happening to him in such a raw form is certainly something and it hurts to hear

I could probably keep going but we have hit the song link limit. But these are my favorites from each album. They do have music released this year as well but Vessel needs to loosen his grip on my brainstem before I'm able to listen to anything else lol

Not technically related to their music unless you wanna go into a bit of a dive into lore, but Emerson is also a very talented artist and does have a shop where he sells it! I've bought a few of his pieces and they're absolutely gorgeous!

[cilant-lis]

so, i finished dragon age veilguard last night and here's my thoughts spoilers ahead (and a very long read)

this is in no way subjective, as i am very emotional about dragon age, especially with veilguard being the first game in the series i played as it came out, and one i was waiting for for a long, long time

the good

first of all, the game is gorgeous. the art direction in this game is absolutely perfect, and i would sell both of my kidneys and half of my liver to see origins and da2 remastered in this style. all the detail, the colours, the shapes... the designs of the companions were also great, each having a very distinct silhouette and outfits which said so much about every character. (plus, i'm going awooga over all the women and taash)

the environments were wonderful, with each area feeling very distinct, yet still like a part of the same world. i also love how they were not huge, open areas with nothing to do, like in inquisition, but thought was put into every corner and crevice. and thanks to the photo mode i have almost 300 environment screenshots from the game lmao

i loved all the companions and major npcs. the companion quests were so good, and honestly my favourite part of the game. during like half of the quests i teared up (especially bellara's and emmrch's i think this is what was missing in inquisition. the characters felt like real people, and like rook had a real connection to them, and they had real connections with each other. they were all very endearing and i liked all of them, something that has not happened in any of the dragon age games prior. (confession: i was very cagey about lucanis because he seems like the fandom's boy of the game, but i actually ended up liking him) the standouts among the npcs were definitely the duos of evka and antoine, and viago and teia. i'd go on a murder spree if anything happened to them.

i'm also of the unpopular opinion that i liked how the companions were nice to each other. no more co-worker you can barely stand each other vibes, they were all genuine friends (plus something more) and their banter was a joy to listen to (and it pasued during combat!) i also loved how they were all present for the main missions, no matter who you took with you

satisfying exploration, with the puzzles leading to actually good loot. no more dozens of greatswords i will never use littering my inventory. i'm also a collection fiend, so i liked unlocking the outfits and lighthouse decor

the candid and visible inclusion of queerness. i don't play many modern aaa games, so i'm sure dragon age is not the only one, but it was the first time i've actually played a game that allowed you to be non-binary and openly say it. taash's character arc, while i hated the 'culture' part of it, was also appreciated and relatable, especially as they were written by a non-binary writer. and they're the first nb romance option i've ever seen! it was also nice to see queer people just existing in the world

fun combat. very fun combat. i never had so much fun in a dragon age combat. it looked cool, it felt cool, i loved detonations and arcane bombs, i was not overwhelmed by a toolbar full of spells i had half a second to choose and the fights didn't take ages. i was a bit scared i'd suck at combat because my hand-eye coordination sucks ass and i prefer turn-based combat à la bg3, but i didn't find it hard at all while playing on normal. challenging, yes, but fun-challenging. orb and dagger spellblade forever

streamlined inventory management. i hate inventory management with a passion and because i'm always possessed by kleptomania when gaming, i always end up with inventories full of useless junk. but in veilguard i could sell it all with one click, the gear i found was either companion specific, or tailored to rook's class and it saved me so much time not having to compare and change everyone's gear while sifting through piles of low-level chainmail no one is going to wear.

the final stretch of the game (act 3 i think?) was hands down the most tense i've been while playing a game. even though some asshole spoiled the choice between harding and davrin, i was still unsure what would happen, who would survive the battle etc. i almost cried when harding died, not ashamed to admit. when bellara was taken by elgar'nan i had to take a little walk, because i was sure she'd not survive (another part of me was already plotting an angsty fic for my rook and her). the ending choice of out-tricking the trickster god of lies with a fake dagger fit so well with my rook, i still get shivers when i think about it. and the self-indulgent detail of them wearing the same armour solas did during the rebellion flashback...

related to above point, the theme of rook being a foil to solas, themes of regret and how it's holding you back, finding hope in a broken world, how things will never be the same, but change is not a bad thing. this is some good shit, that would require separate posts. i just love stories about hope so much

the choice between treviso and minrathous had real, visible impact. in my playthrough, treviso was destroyed and it still affected lucanis many gameplay hours later. none of these choices were presented as right and even though my shadow dragon rook chose to go to minrathous, i still question the decision, and so does rook.

the tension and devastation of the weisshaupt mission. the blight is so gross, as it should be, and the mission was probably my favourite in the game.

rook, especially purple rook, is so endearing. they're a little rascal, and a perfect successor to purple hawke. i loved the amount of faction specific dialogue and how utterly grounded rook was in the story and the world around them.

confirmed lore theories, which had hints since the days of dao

while different to the other games of the series, i really liked veilguard's soundtrack. the main theme is still stuck in my head, and i found myself humming along to many of the recurring tracks. i don't know shit about music tbh, but it helped elevate the mood and atmosphere of the environments. the sound design was also good, and i am happy to report there was no ear-grating noises for my hyper-sensitive ears (looking at you spells from dao)

a satisfying conclusion to dorian's character arc. it was refreshing to see him be so radical and anti-slavery (after inquisition dropped the ball on developing his changing worldview on screen) him becoming the archon was also a very pleasant surprise, and a well deserved ending for a character like him. sorry i just love dorian pavus so much

assan and manfred being absolutely adorable. it was predictable i'd get attached to assan, but a skeleton was a surprise. he talks! my rook is going to be the best uncle (gender neutral) to both of them. my two favourite little guys.

a lot of little details

the bad

imo the biggest issue with the game was the lack of references to previous game decisions. like with the inquisitor cameo, i wonder how different it would have been if the well of sorrows decision was taken into account? a little more communication between northern and southern thedas? not dropping the kieran plot point completely?? a little more information about what's going on in southern thedas? also i feel like harding's character really suffered because of this, because her and my inquisitor were really good friends and i'm disappointed that there was no mention of it at all :( also while most of what the inquisitor said was in character for my inquisitor, i can see how for others it's ooc

related to the previous point, the amount of loose threads that were just left hanging. is the blight cured? what will happen next with the titans? how do the elves recover from all of this? what happened to hawke and the warden? how does southern thedas fare after the gigantic blight? so many unanswered questions which will never be answered

the way the elves were treated, while not surprising at all given the previous games, was sooo uncomfortable. the past three games established that the elves are treated horribly, yet there is very little discussion of it in veilguard. this one conversation with bellara still makes me cringe, and i hate the lack of distinction between the ancient elves who were also oppressed by the evanuris and the evanuris themselves. i also feel the whole plot of 'this marginalised group's gods are actually evil' could have been done much much better, but the set up for it was there since origins, so it's not a uniquely veilguard problem. there are other people more qualified to speak on this than me, so i'll leave this here

the handling of crows made me raise an eyebrow (or two) because of how how sanitised the crows feel. no mention of child slaves? nothing about enduring torture as a part of training? or being treated as disposable? even if this differed from house to house, or it changed over the past decades/ special circumstances because antiva has been under the attack of the antaam, at least a codex mentioning it would have been nice. my dream would have been to have zevran be the one to spur this change, but it seems that the writers are allergic to have him have any sort of impact on thedas

not enough of content for the lords of fortune. when tevinter nights came out, i was so excited to meet them, but what we got in the game was a horribly "clothed" isabela, a bunch of her friends and like 3 quests and an arena. and not to mention how awful the lords of fortune gear is, with the orientalism.

i wasn't a fan of some of the writing, in the sense that some wording and stuff felt very modern. but i'm a hardcore fantasy fan so maybe it's just a me problem

the game tried to do a LOT and some of it would have benefitted if it was delved into more (example: morrigan and mythal, harding's quest with the titan, what taash discovered about the qunari, anything about southern thedas)

i really would have liked to see more of varric and rook's relationship. a dream would have been to have an origin quest/cutscene (maybe shorter than in dao) to help establish their relationship. you could literally replace varric with any character at this point

a longer romance, please... i know these are not dating sims, but i literally didn't get a kiss with bellara until the epilogue :') i'll have to see the other romances to truly have a strong opinion about this, though

and a note: i would have had just as many praises and just as many criticisms for every single dragon age game. overall i really enjoyed veilguard and i am happy that it even came out as an offline single-player rpg, and not a live service game like it was supposed to, or not at all. no game is perfect, and i'd rather have an imperfect game than no game at all. (but yes, i'm still mourning project joplin and i'd do anything to play it... )

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #47: 1996

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Los del Tio, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men, Celine Dion, The Tony Rich Project, Mariah Carey, Tracy Chapman, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Donna Lewis, Toni Braxton, Keith Sweat. End description]

More information about this blog here

A lot of major moments to talk about this year. Like my birth. I was born out of the Macarena Summer.

In 1996, the Bayside Boys remix of Los del Rio's Macarena became a cultural phenomenon as well as an incredibly popular song (I'm clarifying it's a remix, because the non-Bayside Boys version also reached the Hot 100 at number 98). The track's record for longevity in the Hot 100 would only be broken almost two decades later by Adele.

Speaking of record-breaking songs, One Sweet Day, the duet between Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men, is a towering R&B number. At 16 weeks, the song held the record for most weeks at the number one spot until Lil Nas X came out with Old Town Road in 2019.

One Sweet Day is a song about grief, specifically the track was inspired by the ongoing AIDS epidemic. It's not the only song on this poll related to this issue. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony wrote Tha Crossroads to honor Eazy-E, one of the establishing figures behind the West Coast rap scene who passed away from AIDS-induced pneumonia in 1995 when he was just 30-years-old.

Sadly, the stretch between 1995 and 1996 would be marked by several losses among legends in rap and hip-hop. In 1996, The Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur would be murdered with only a few months between their deaths. These losses will be relevant in a direct manner when we get to the next poll, but it's not an exaggeration to say that the music world was shaken by their deaths. There were those who were quick to make bad-faith arguments blaming the violent subject matter of the music itself. And while the coast-based rivalries did get extremely intense, I think this is a reductive conclusion to come to. To many, however, this moment in music history felt like a nation-wide wake up call.

As rap became more mainstream and started to absorb more of pop music influences into its sound, the genre was bound to change. We've already seen this with the increasing number of R&B fusions and rap verses on pop songs. But some mark this year as another turning point for the genre, as the gangster rap era starts to fade in the mainstream music scene. Even outside of rap, after this point pop music starts to feel a lot sunnier, for lack of a better term. Whether this is due to coping with these recent tragedies, a larger demographic of younger music listeners dictating the majority taste, people gearing up for the new millennium, the record industry reaching record numbers in profits, or genuine positivity and optimism (think that might have been still a thing lol), the times are certainly about to change.

[littleblueberryartist]

Some future Percy Jackson headcanons :D

- He never grows facial hair. Yes this is partially because I don't like drawing facial hair but also I feel like Percy would just take one look at the mirror, realise that he looks like a splitting image of his dad and then shave the whole thing off

- Percy is the malewife trophy husband in this relationship. Yes I HC him with a job (I will get to that later) but it's about the vibes

Like he literally says this in Greek heroes!

He is the trophy husband to Annabeth's successful girlboss wife and he knows it! He does the cooking and cleaning!! (His mother is THE Sally Jackson so you better bet he cooks dam well too)

And I refuse to believe that he and Sally aren't like super tidy people after living with Gabe. Like ADHD disorganization real and true just like me fr but Percy would not let there be trash or bad smells /anywhere/

- Related to the above Percy does not drink

- Percy took a GAP year actually

- Like yes he does actually try and jump back into school like he does in ToA because he is tired of godly bullshit and craves normalcy. But my guy. That is a semester of content you missed along with current school AND you're still prepping for college AND you're still recovering from the war. Something something he does this as a distraction from everything but also because he genuinely wants to have normalcy but after burning out somewhere through the year he is convinced to take a damn break!!!!

- I think the road trip at the end of ToA can still happen but like, just them relaxing and exploring during the GAP year (also redesigning Olympus is Annabeth's BABY man she's putting that over school + she has worse school records than Percy because she's been year round at camp since she was 7 I don't think school convention matters that much to her actually)

- Anyway they take a well deserved break!! (And get therapy hopefully) So by the time they get to college they are in a much better place mentally <3

- With the accomodations from NRU for his learning disabilities Percy actually ends up doing really well and gets better grades than Annabeth! I am a believer of "Percy is smart it's just that he wasn't properly accommodated and also lacked interest in certain subjects" and "Annabeth is naturally gifted and never learnt to study because she coasts through school and wings her tests" (they're both just like me fr)

- Percy ends up picking Marine Biology as a major because he's not actually sure what he wants to study (he's never gotten the chance to think about what he wanted for his future because of the great prophecy) and thinks that "hey even if it's cliche it'll be easier for me"

Cuz like I understand the excitement of finally going to a school that accomodates you and having hope that you'll get an actual chance to succeed. But also school is still hard and Percy probably just wants to get through it too sjsjsjdj. So he doesn't think too hard on it and goes with the perceived most obvious and easiest option. (Also an option he's most likely to show interest in)

Okay! Rubs hands. From here I start talking about my marine rehabilitation center Percy hcs :) (this hc is heavily inspired by this post! I really looked at it a few years ago and never stopped thinking about it lmao)

- Something something Percy is canonically the kid who used to sneak out at night to help free sea creatures in fishing nets and is best friends with Grover "lord of the wild" Underwood and Rachel "activist" Dare. That boy is an environmentalist.

- He ends up finding genuine passion in ocean conservation and gets a degree in environmental conservation along with marine biology

- A while after graduating, he sets up a marine rehabilitation/conservation center of sorts

- Annabeth, who probably makes it big as an architect pretty soon (at least in the half-blood community) designed the building, Rachel helps to fund the whole thing. Grover, who goes around doing conservation work and setting up sanctuaries to help preserve the wild helps a ton with setting up too

- The center helps out both mythical and regular sea creatures. It also acts as a demigod safe house (something something Hazel + the Hecate kids help to set up wards to keep monsters out and also to shroud the mythical aspects of the place with the Mist)

- I dunno if the staff will be only consisting of people in the know or if there are mortals too but I feel like even though the wards at the center aren't as strong as those at the camps, the prospect of a safe working environment would be pretty enticing to demigods so a bunch of them end up interning there for a bit

- speaking of safe environment I feel like while Percabeth study in New Rome they wouldn't live there. Instead Annabeth ends up building something similar to it at CHB. But rather than a whole city, it's more of just apartments close to camp with various safe houses all over the country because I feel like they'd end up vibing in the mortal world more. (Much like this post!)

- The center holds educational field trips to encourage more people to care about the oceans. (I've been on a field trip to a marine rehabilitation center before, I think it'd be something like that but with a bigger, more advanced facility)

- I actually like the hc of Percy becoming an educator to help kids like him and also go full circle with the whole "why would anyone want to be a teacher for all time" thing with Chiron in TLT. But rather than become a teacher he ends up being an educator and advocator for environmental conservation. Might be invited to be a guest speaker at schools from time to time.

- Oh also he's still a teacher in that Percy teaches swordfighting and canoeing at camp send tweet

[mariacallous]

The internet sucks now. Once a playground fueled by experimentation and freedom and connection, it’s a flimsy husk of what it was, all merriment and serendipity leached from our screens by vile capitalist forces. Everything is too commercialized. We commodified the self, then we commodified robots to impersonate the self, and now they’re taking our damn jobs. We live in diminished and degrading times. I miss when memes were funny. I miss Vine. I miss Gawker. I miss old Twitter. Blogs—those were the days!

Stop me if these gripes sound familiar. In 2023, the idea that the internet isn’t fun anymore is conventional wisdom. This year, after Elon Musk renamed Twitter “X” and instituted a series of berserk changes that made it substantially less functional, complaints about the demise of the good internet popped up like mushrooms sprouting in dirt tossed over a fresh grave. Some people even complained on the very platforms they were mourning. Type “internet sucks now” into X’s search bar, you’ll see.

The New Yorker published an essay by writer Kyle Chayka on the subject, calling the decline of X a “bellwether for a new era of the Internet that simply feels less fun than it used to be.” People loved it. (Sample comments from X: “Relatable.” “Exactly right.”) Chayka claims that it’s now harder to find new memes, websites, and browser games than it was a decade ago. He also argues that the rising crop of platforms popular with young people—Twitch, TikTok—are inferior, enjoyment-wise, to the social web of the 2010s.

Both of these arguments are baffling. Memes fresher in the past? Yes, it’s tiresome to see Tim Robinson in a hot dog costume for the 500th time, but c’mon. In the early 2010s—the years Chayka longs for—the internet was all doge and doggos. It was the era of reaction GIF Tumblrs, the Harlem Shake, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Give me literally any still from I Think You Should Leave over “You Had One Job” epic fail image macros. Only glasses of the rosiest tint could recast the 2013 internet as a shitposting paradise lost.

The argument that the 2010s social web was superior amusement to the platforms now popular with Gen Z is even stranger. TikTok has major issues, but being unfun is not one of them. It’s been a springboard for some genuinely talented people, from comic Brian Jordan Alvarez to writer Rayne Fisher-Quann to chef Tabitha Brown. Binging Twitch streams certainly isn’t my thing, but people aren’t being held at gunpoint and forced to watch seven straight hours of Pokimane. They like it! They’re having fun! And how can one say with a straight face that gaming got worse? Roblox alone is a gleeful world unto itself; to pretend it doesn’t exist and isn’t a vibrant digital hangout is goofy and obtuse.

Corrosion of specific platforms on the internet—X, to pluck the most obvious example—is an observable phenomenon. (I, too, mourn old Twitter.) Musk’s changes to how X operates have made it harder to surface and verify information; his antics have driven away both advertisers and power users and allowed the cryptogrifter class to spam inboxes with invitations to NFT drops and meme coins, resulting in a digital space that feels abandoned and crowded at once. Other platforms, though, are flourishing.

Look at Discord, for instance. Its siloed structure is a throwback to the pre-Facebook internet era, when socializing online often meant logging on to specific forums. The disintegration of the Big Tech-dominated 2010s internet is creating a more balkanized social web experience, what Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler calls the “dark forest” theory, where people turn away from big, open mega-platforms in favor of more private or niche digital spaces, from nonpublic Slack channels to invite-only WeChat groups or special-interest podcasts. While some people might find that boring and hard to navigate, it’s not universally boring, or inherently difficult to navigate.

There are serious problems with the internet right now. Platform decay—“enshittification”—is real, and it’s not limited to X. Search is in shambles. Plus, the flood of AI spam has just begun. But there were serious problems with the internet 10 years ago too. Arguing that the decline of certain corners of a previous version of the internet means that the entire internet isn’t entertaining anymore is a preposterous leap.

The impulse to describe the internet as being in a dire existential crisis is an understandable one, especially if you love going online—it’s easier to get people to pay attention to emergencies, isn’t it? All sorts of decidedly not-dead things get declared dead periodically, from literary criticism to monogamy to Berlin. “My favorite platforms are faltering and I don’t like the new ones” isn’t as compelling a pitch as “The basic experience of goofing off online is on the brink of extinction!!!”

But the basic experience of goofing off and being creative online is not on the brink of extinction. Ten years from now, there will be writers—even if they’re AI chumbots churning out shitty prose on SubstaXitch, the demonic merged iteration of Twitch, Substack, and X our poor children will use—earnestly reminiscing about the good old days of 2023, when that affable menswear guy showed up on everybody’s feeds, and TikTok wasn’t banned in the US. I know this. I know it because during the era that Chayka is now nostalgic for, people were also complaining that they missed the old, good internet. (Real headline from 2015: “The Modern Internet Sucks. Bring Back Geocities.”)

This brings me to my theory about the internet. To understand how people feel about being online, look at how they feel about the long-running sketch comedy television show Saturday Night Live.

Bitching about how SNL is so much worse than it used to be is a time-honored tradition. It has been declared “Saturday Night Dead” regularly since it debuted in 1975, nearly 50 years ago. In 1995, for instance, a New York magazine writer bemoaned the “slow, woozy fall of a treasured pop-culture institution.” The cast at the time included Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Norm Macdonald, and Molly Shannon, all widely considered comedy legends in the present day. In 2017, in fact, New York ranked that cast’s run as the third-best era of SNL, ever, describing it like this: “At its peak, it’s hard to argue the show was ever better.” Quite the reassessment!

In 2014, writer Liz Shannon Miller examined the impulse people have to favor whatever era of Saturday Night Live they grew up with and watched during their formative years. “It’s a generational problem that leads to parents and kids just not being able to agree on the talents of John Belushi versus Will Ferrell,” Miller wrote for IndieWire.

A similar sort of generational problem is playing out right now about what it’s like to spend time online. Millennials grew up logging on in the 2000s and 2010s, maturing alongside Facebook. The internet from this era is the internet of our salad days. Of course watching it get eclipsed by a different iteration hurts. Of course some of us look at TikTok and wish it was Twitter—it’s the same impulse that propels family squabbles about whether the Lonely Island guys were funnier than the Please Don’t Destroy boys. Saturday Night Live has always been wildly uneven. Every era now heralded as golden was once pilloried as corny dreck.

To insist that the fun is over is to adopt an overly nostalgic stance, and one that rests on a pathetic fallacy: Just because you aren’t having fun on the internet doesn’t mean the internet itself is broken. It’s what it always has been, a flawed mirror of the cultural moment. It’s fine not to like it. But don’t pretend there aren’t young people alive right now who are having the most fun they’ll ever have online, just as there are young people alive right now who will be raving to their kids about how hilarious Bowen Yang was on SNL—especially compared to the synthetic clones of Gilda Radner and Jimmy Fallon the AI programmed to imitate Lorne Michaels cast in the 2061 season. We don’t need to make the present sound worse than it is. The future will come, soon enough.

[h-worksrambles]

To be a Good Dog, or an Enemy of the World: Models of Masculinity in Shelter

Shelter is a very easy game to treat lightly when you first start it up. A bright colourful visual novel about anthropomorphic dog men, with clear Shounen anime influences in its tone and aesthetic. Charming, funny and unabashedly horny, Shelter presents itself as a game about a group of aggressively quirky treasure hunting doggos getting into all kinds of shenanigans amidst a post apocalyptic frozen wasteland. But to my surprise, not only did I find a game with unexpectedly rich worldbuilding, some sick action scenes (especially for a visual novel) and some genuinely powerful emotional payoffs. But it turns out Shelter has some surprisingly relevant things to say about constructs of masculinity and how they affect queer people. Full spoilers for the everything up to the most recent public update below.

Much of the story of the game revolves around Luke, the overseer of this technologically advanced home for lost Canines, and, apparently, one of the only known remaining Humans, as well as his three closest friends, and our three route characters: Burry, Rune and Max. We follow three alternate timelines where Luke spends the day bonding with one of the three, and, during the recurring event of Skies Ablaze, struggles with his identity as the only human in a giant facility full of anthropomorphic dog men. When Shelter malfunctions and is overrun by monsters, we witness three alternate ways the attack can play out. And in the course of this, the magical nature of Skies Ablaze as an event causes Luke to experience the memories of one of the three route characters. Through this we see the events that brought them to Shelter and how they became the self actualised people we see in the main game. That’s an extremely basic rundown of the gist of the game. But what I think makes this interesting is what we learn about the what the three used to be like before they joined.

All three of the route characters were in the service of one of the other powers that make up Shelter’s setting. Burry grew up along his many siblings only to be contracted as a scientist by the Wolves. Rune likewise was raised to be a soldier by the Wolves from birth. And Max was a spy and assassin on behalf of the Felines. It’s a common joke in the fandom to say that ‘everyone in Shelter is a war criminal’ but there’s definitely a major component of these dogs all being obligated and indoctrinated to serve corrupt systems of power, that lead then to do deplorable things. Burry begins research into the nature of Monsters, which leads him to turn the Wolves’ living test subjects into Monsters in a series of horrific experiments. Most shockingly, this included all of his own siblings. Rune, as the latest incarnation of the legendary hero, Moon, is trained to become the champion and general of the Wolven army and key to their expansion. Having been wrenched away from the only father figure he ever knew, he has taken countless lives in various campaigns, preparing himself for the moment when the power of his past lives finally manifests and his individual consciousness will fade.

Max is the least clear due to his route being unfinished, but we do know that he along with his brother Atri were trained not just to kill by the Felines, but also to hate and repress their own identity as Canines. To think of themselves as Felines, not being given a chance to choose that for themselves. Even in the present day, this still has an effect on Max. He struggles to relate to the other dogs, to adopt their mannerisms. Because he spent years being told that part of him was shameful and he should aspire to be something else.

So what’s the point of all of this? Well, while on the surface, Shelter is a fairly straightforward story of redemption, of people who have all done bad stuff in the past finding a home where they can make a fresh start and live better lives, it becomes very interesting when read through a queer theory lens. In fact, one starts to see some very pertinent points about the societal cishet masculine constructs that queer people have to exist in every day.

A recurring idea that comes up in the cast’s past is their instinctive desire to be told they’re a ‘good dog’. It’s a validation Burry craves as a scientist and Rune craves as a soldier. And sure, there’s a basic anthropomorphic element that they’re dogs who want to be praised. But what defines a ‘good dog’ in this context? Well, in a word, obedience. To live up to a very rigid social standard of what’s expected of them as a Canine, and crush any impulse that tells them otherwise. Burry must be cold and rational as a scientist, quashing his own empathy to perform disgusting experiments. Rune must be a constant image of strength as the legendary Hero. Always fighting for the sake of others and never showing a hint of weaknesses or vulnerability. As Luke points out, if his purpose is to save others, then who is going to save him? All three characters have to deny a part of themselves to live up to what arbitrary wider forces of power or culture have decided they should be. The realisation of this causes then to voice one of Shelter’s arc phrases:

“This World, truly, is Hell.”

And it is something they are only able to shake off when they are among the other dogs at Shelter. Or, in other words, when they are among other queer non conforming men, both literally and metaphorically. This is marked by then declaring themselves as having become an ‘Enemy of the World’. They have rejected the identity that was assigned to them by those in power, and have chosen one that lets them live as their best and true selves. Even when it may cause others to see them as a deviant or even an enemy.

Another factor that leads me to equate caninehood with queer masculinity is the fact that pretty much every named character in Shelter is male. Only one character with female pronouns has even been so much as mentioned so far in the text. Now there are other meta reasons for this. Shelter is an MLM centric, very NSFW game. One of the core draws of the game is to bang a bunch of hot muscular anthros, with very traditionally hypermasculine bodies. But when the game chooses to explore these themes of repression, identity, rigid social constructs and healthy self expression, it’s hard not to see a commentary on masculinity being made if every character is very pointedly, a guy. Now, I don’t want to imply that only queer men will get anything out of Shelter. I think these themes can resonate with any queer person. But I do think that when Shelter is read through the lens of being about the effects of toxic masculinity on queer people, it gains additional resonance.

In addition I think this lens of caninehood equalling queerness is also seen in the overt, casual sexuality of the dogs at Shelter. Luke is already friends with benefits with all three of the route characters before the game even starts. The player can have Luke hook up with other characters like Thistle and Alon and it has no negative consequences as no one really cares about that sort of thing. Again, this is to be expected in a smutty gay furry VN. But it does serve the point about queer celebration and expression. These characters can now be themselves here, whatever that entails. Homophobia is not really brought up as a concept in this game (again, with practically no female characters there are no straight relationships to be propped up as more desirable). But the spectre of it lingers metaphorically in the game’s subtext. There is a conflict between what other forces claim a ‘good dog’ should be, and what caninehood means to these characters.

So how do our characters break free from these masculine constructs? Well, in many ways, because of Luke. Burry, having left behind his masters after deciding he could no longer work for them, goes into hiding in the snowy wastelands beyond Mozeburk. Trying and failing to save his brothers’ souls. He finally meets Luke, half dead in the snow, where the two band together and ultimately discover and establish Shelter. The two devise a magic to restore the souls of Burry’s brothers which Burry calls on in the present day during the final battle. Burry believed he had been irreparably warped by his complicity in the systems around him. That he was no longer a Canine, but a monster still worse than the ones he created. But he reinvents himself through finding connection with someone who believes in him, and who he believes in too. His love for Luke gives him a new purpose and identity. He now lives not for the sake of obedience but for loyalty. The toxic idea of what it means to be a dog is reimagined as something more positive. Kind of like embracing a healthier understanding of masculinity.

This applies to Rune as well. Before he felt he could never express his own weakness due to his socially mandated role, and awaited the total loss of his sense of self. He even ends up imposing those harsh systems on others by intending to take Shelter away from Luke and Burry and hand its powerful technology over the Wolves. Meeting Luke causes Rune to reconsider everything he once thought about himself. And it culminates in him manifesting the power of the Hero not in himself, but in Luke. He allows himself to be saved, to be emotionally vulnerable, to be sexually liberated (as it is around this point that Rune starts engaging freely in casual sex). He comes out, both literally and symbolically, not as the Hero, but as Rune. He trades closed off stoicism for boisterous earnestness. Again, a newer, healthier form of canine masculinity. And while Max’s flashbacks have not yet been elaborated on, I fully expect them to follow this theme.

There is also something to be said about how, within Shelter, they take on new roles that have sometimes culturally bern labelled as not being stereotypically masculine. Burry is the tavern cook. Rune, while ostensibly the chief of Shelter and head of defence, spends most of his time as a teacher for the other dogs. And Max shines as a musician. There too they take on gentler, nonconforming images of masculinity, ones in which their queerness can shine.

And key to all of these arcs, is Luke himself. I would posit that, if Shelter is about a bunch of traumatised men learning to embrace and celebrate their queerness, then Luke, narratively, is queerness personified. His own struggles as the only Human among the dogs represents a near universal queer experience. He wants to be accepted, to be as much of a canine as they are. But he is othered for something he was born as, something he can’t control. He is bullied and isolated by Teak, who is himself a walking hotbed of every toxically masculine trait in the book to drive this home further. In fact, between his hang ups over the physical differences between him and the dogs and how this eats away at his perception of his own identity, you could potentially read Luke’s arc as metaphorically being about gender identity, as he comes to realise that those arbitrary differences he was born with don’t make him any less of a canine at heart. But, as a random cis dude, I kinda feel like that’s not really my analysis to make beyond the broad strokes, even though it’s worth bringing that up.

He undergoes many relatable queer hardships But he also embodies the positive transformative power of queerness. Giving Burry someone to love and live for. Becoming the Hero for Rune to allow the latter to be true to himself. And accepting Max even though he is far from a typical Canine. In the present day story, Luke is the one who undergoes a character arc, compared to his friends/lovers who all go through theirs in flashbacks. In an act of queer solidarity, these now self actualised men are able to help him when he struggles with his identity and purpose in a way that mirrors themselves. Like Burry, Luke struggles with his sense of duty, keeping Shelter running smoothly at a distance, versus what he wants in his heart. Like Rune, he bottles up his emotions to act as the support for everyone else, and learns to confide in them and ask for help (all while stepping once more into the role of the Hero during the final battle, taking on a power only a canine could wield and proving his true nature once more). The Enemies of the World find home, support and empathy with each other, even as that World tries to quash them.

Of course, not only is the story incomplete but I’ve only scratched the surface with Shelter as a game. I could go further into characters like Teak, Alon and Cooper and how they all reinforce these themes in various ways. Or mine further details from the rich worldbuilding. Or even discuss the meta significance of the game’s multiple endings through the Barkest Corner. But my point was really to discuss what made Shelter so special to me. It’s a goofy, gorgeous, shameless visual novel with a lot of polish, a lot of porn and an even bigger amount of heart and sincerity at its core. It tells a moving queer narrative draped in a fantastical veneer and does it incredibly well. And I can’t wait to see how Rausmutt plans to bring it to a close.

[wrenb1rd]

Complete unknown criticism rant v

Obviously the trailer is out and the movie isn’t even in theatres yet although I’d like to make my point about the movie as someone who enjoys studying things and forming opinions.

First of all, I must state that none of the actors look like the people they are portraying. You could state that the actors won’t ever look like those they are acting as but I’m very sure they at least need to take some consideration for that and make sure they look somewhat similar but it took me a few minutes to realise that the woman playing Joan Baez is supposed to be Joan Baez.

Also the actor for Johnny cash looks nothing like Johnny cash, you can stick a hair do on a guy and call him a name but it won’t work out unless you put a reasonable amount of effort into it.

Now I’m not a film major or anything of the sort, I don’t even take any film related subjects so my opinion simply does not matter however there are certainly some things I believe that should have been approved.

I remember when pictures for the movie was first released and one of them was the woman who’s playing Joan walking out a building. The way it was portrayed was genuinely so odd to me, they made her look like a newcomer as if she wasn’t on the scene before Bob. I feel as though they’ve kept that in the trailer, putting her as a background character or a sort of ‘damsel in distress’ that’s head over heels for the main character. Not to say Joan didn’t have that kind of look to Bob but the way they portrayed it was almost like simplifying a very complex relationship.

Another thing I pointed out was the way they seem to villainise Pete Seeger in the folk fest scene. I mean that’s a very common thing with news papers but if you’re making a biopic that’s not even creatively written at least stay on track. From the things I’ve read Pete Seeger was not upset at Bob playing ‘rock’ music, he wanted people to hear the lyrics but found the instrumental to be too loud so he wanted to cut the cord as none of the instruments were plugged in / set up correctly, not that he disliked bob’s electric guitar.

The way they made it seem in the trailer was that he hated it and yelled ‘turn it down’ now I must admit that I am aware they did something similar in I’m not there although that is a creative movie based around Bob Dylan, not a straightforward classic biopic.

The line ‘who wrote this’ ‘he did’ was genuinely so corny to me, it reminds me of all those awful biopics that are so off topic from the actual life of the person they are portraying. It literally brought me back to that Elvis parody biopic.

Overall the trailer is ok, it’s got its ups and downs, I wasn’t really even expecting woody Guthrie or Pete Seeger but yk it looks cheaply made and an excuse to add some famous names onto a movie.

As much as I may dislike it I will still be watching it simply because I am a big fan of Bob Dylan and have been for a long while but it will be very obvious as to who’s there for timothee and who’s there for bob.

Thank you for reading if you’ve got this far 🫡

+ Bob Dylan picture for the troubles

[gorgeousgalatea]

You know what I'm trying to finally write again and anywhere is a good place to start so here are some bite sized reviews of my bite sized YA binge (including two other books I read a few weeks earlier):

The Narrow, by Kate Alice Marshall: This was a book I borrowed after skimming it with a strong impression I would enjoy it, and thankfully I was right! The main character is the daughter of two well off but neglectful parents who spend way more time on her deeply troubled brother, to the point where she doesn't find out they forgot to pay for her final year at boarding school until she's already arrived. Fortunately the wealthy parent of a sickly student is willing to cover her tuition, as long as she rooms with and takes care of that student for the year. Pity she's pretty sure she's the reason that student is sick. Oh, and their dorm room is haunted as hell.

The Narrows deals a lot with the subject of abuse--both romantic and familial--while couching it in an atmospheric ghost story. I liked the tone and the characters, and one thing I really enjoyed is that it used its first person narrative to paint a very familiar romantic fiction picture of the main character having no one else to relate to or rely on other than their new love interest who is ~the only one who understands them~, and deliberately made that the product of her own insecurities. The ghost and possession element also explored sense of self and identity in a way that pinged pretty hard with my ozqrow days. Bittersweet ending, but would recommend for anyone into sapphic ghost stories.

Before the Devil Knows You're Here, by Autumn Krause: Ehh this was the mediocre apple story. I loved the summary--the main character's struggling single father passes away suddenly, and before she even has time to mourn, the monster her father has been warning her about her entire life shows up on their doorstep to steal away her brother as well, so she sets out to find the monster and save her brother. I dunno, the problem could be me, that summary had me expecting Guillermo del Toro style Labyrinth--which I am now realizing someone could say "don't you just mean Pan's Labyrinth" and no, I mean the relationship with maturity and sexual awakening where the monstrous is outwardly monstrous--and that's...really not what it was at all. It was "what if Johnny Appleseed made a deal with the devil," which kudos, I have not seen before, but wasn't really into in its execution. I do appreciate a heroine with guile, though, and she does have that.

I Fed Her to the Beast and the Beast Was Me, by Jamison Shea: The premise of this one is pretty straightforward--a talented black ballet student makes a deal with a dark entity to have the opportunity to actually make it into the prestigious Parisian ballet troupe she's been chasing after her whole life, and discovers that being part of a cult with monstrous powers is actually less toxic than being a girl of color in the Parisian professional ballet scene. I really liked this one, it wasn't afraid to have its leading lady be monstrous and cruel and wrong, and it also made it clear which parts of her mindset were just the product of spending so long in a cut-throat industry that spent every moment rejecting her. The ending was a bit too neat for me, but overall the atmosphere was great. Genuinely almost anything with a title like that is probably something I'll end up enjoying lmao

What Stalks Among Us, by Sarah Hollowell: Two best friends get stuck in an evil corn maze! This wasn't my favorite, but I still enjoyed it a lot; the main character's habit of self-censoring even among friends was very resonant with me. The story hits the ground running and has good momentum on exploring the mystery of the maze and how it came to be. The nature of the maze is ultimately rooted in [womp womp] trauma, so that's a major element of the story, and unfortunately there is greater focus on the main character's trauma with her best friend supporting her, but I guess that's to be expected in a first person narrative. It still is ultimately about their friendship! Which is portrayed as valuable as is without developing into anything else.

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth, by Andrew Joseph White: Ultimately the most brutal of the books but I think that was what I liked about it. The main character is a trans boy in an 1882 London where mediums are a hot commodity but the women are only prized as potential baby makers for male mediums. The main character is caught trying to escape his conservative family and inevitable impending marriage, and sent to a corrective boarding school designed to turn mentally unwell spiritually sensitive women into demure brides. This boarding school is run about the way you would expect, and most of the story is the main character realizing just how bad it is and figuring out what can be done to escape. The exactly one way he's gotten lucky is that he and his future betrothed turn out to be t4t and are really quite cute together, but the main character is an aspiring surgeon and that means the story is not afraid to get visceral. Which really elevated the tone; there's room for a sequel in the ending to this one that I wouldn't mind reading.

[amadeusgame]

September Devlog: Full Episode 1 Design Finalized

Per last month's devlog, this month's primary task was to finish the narrative outline and complete game design document for the full Episode 1 release. And I'm happy to announce that this is done, I have a concrete vision to follow, and now it's a matter of ticking off boxes on the to-do list until this thang is RELEASED. I'm getting REALLY excited about this project, and feeling like it is becoming more and more tangible.

Some quick updates before getting into the details:

I'm sure you all heard the kerfuffle about Unity; I've discussed where I'm currently at on the Tumblr blog here.

I went to PAX West (and the Seattle Indies Expo) and talked to a ton of indie devs! I wrote about a lot of upcoming indie games on the Tumblr blog here.

As always check the linktree (https://linktr.ee/amadeusgame) for all resources related to Amadeus. Most frequently updated are the Tumblr blog and Discord server, but these itch.io devlogs will continue monthly as well.

And now, for this month's updates. 

TL;DR--

PAX West & Seattle Indies Expo: more details on these events, specifically how much it helped me as a solo dev meeting and talking with other solo devs.

New Mechanics Envisioned: made a new paper prototype & sought playtester feedback to determine final control scheme vision.

Finishing the Narrative Outline: process for sitting down and mapping out the full Episode 1 narrative to guide the GDD

Completing the Game Design Document: process for taking the new mechanics & full narrative to fully outline the design for Episode 1

Recreation: media I engaged with this month for fun and inspiration!

Details below for those interested.

PAX West & Seattle Indies Expo

This was my first time attending PAX, and it was incredibly valuable. The Seattle Indies Expo (an adjacent, and completely free, event) in particular was fantastic, because I got to have really in-depth, one-on-one conversations with a lot of other small developers. So many of us are working on passion projects in our spare time, and wearing 20 different hats - from music composition to coding to project management to marketing - while also doing something else to pay the bills. So it felt very grounding to have honest discussions with so many other people who are all in the same boat. It also helped to find that a couple other developers came to the same answers I did on certain topics (virtually all of us are in agreement that you absolutely have to have deadlines that you take seriously, or you will never finish...), and one of the developers I spoke with mentioned something really helpful: that if you only have 1-2 hours to work on your game a week, decide EXACTLY WHAT you will work on in that time slot beforehand, so you've already started dedicating brain energy to the topic before the time comes.

I met a handful of developers who I'm likely to keep in touch with for the foreseeable future. It was a fantastic opportunity. Those of us out here making niche little passion projects really do feel the passion coming from each other. Gotta find your people and support each other!

I'll go ahead and plug my Amadeus blog Tumblr post on the subject again, because I'm also genuinely excited about a lot of these games: 10 Upcoming Indie Games to check out!

New Mechanics Envisioned

Never forget that busting out the sticky notes/scratch paper is an essential step in game design & development.

One of the major roadblocks I faced last month standing between me and finishing my GDD was that I knew I needed to rework the main interaction mechanic. I liked that it was WASD/point-and-click interchangeable, but it felt very unpolished. So one of my first tasks for this month was to figure out what, exactly, my vision for a polished interaction mechanic was. To do that, I revisited the very first step of game development, and made a paper prototype.

In doing this, I was able to identify the biggest source of my problem: I really like that you can control Amadeus - and not just a cursor, but this makes it impossible to interact with things that he can't get to (like looking at things in the sky). This is kind of at odds with the control scheme that seems most natural for the genre.

The central source of my problem was this:

The most straightforward control scheme for my game seemed to be point-and-click, where you don't have an actor you control but just directly interact with environments.

However; point-and-click mechanics are very hard on my wrists (because I have massively screwed up wrists), and I want to make a game that I can play comfortably - and for thematic reasons, this is all the more important!

Moreover; I just really like controlling a little guy and walking around as him.

I have come up with a solution that I think works well, at least on paper. One of my big goals this month is to prototype it in-engine, and hopefully get it in front of playtesters soon. The good news is that I got a lot of feedback from playtesters that the hybrid control scheme was a plus, and almost nobody used exclusively WASD or exclusively point-and-click, which tells me that my "utilize both" design philosophy feels right. Now I just need to polish it.

My goal is still to have a rebuilt demo, containing more or less the same content as the existing demo (unless...? but let's not get our hopes up too high!) with the new mechanics and control scheme, out this Winter. So far, still on track for that!

Finishing the Narrative Outline

THIS was truly the largest obstacle between me and a complete GDD. It is not possible to list out all assets needed in a game if you don't have a list of every scene in the game, and you can't have a list of every scene in the game without a complete narrative outline. Making the demo was easy in this respect - I already knew how my story started. I also knew more or less how it would end (or at least, several key climactic events). But there is no catharsis in a climax that lacks a rich, engaging, and well-developed journey to get there. That's the meatiest part of the game, and it's what I did not have.

Truth be told, I don't know whether the journey I am writing counts as rich, engaging, and well-developed. But I've finally made it concrete, and I think it has heart. This process was actually very rewarding, because I found that in asking myself questions (what is CHARACTER doing here, how does EVENT happen) I found really fascinating answers that made the entire story much more interesting than the one I initially set out to write.

I started just by creating a document titled "Episode 1 Outline" that looked something like this:

Intro

Prologue

Placeholder Scene

Placeholder Scene

Placeholder Scene

Climax

Outro

The reason I was actually able to get from that to a complete outline in less than a month is because, while it didn't really feel like it, I actually did a lot of "writing" last month. I spent the whole month watching a ton of werewolf movies and taking scribbled notes in my Amadeus brainstorming notebook, so I had a huge pool of ideas that were already swimming around in my head. This month's task wasn't to write a story I had no ideas about, it was to finally draw from all of my ideas and refine/organize them to a manageable and logical format.

Most importantly, I gave myself a deadline to finish this outline, and so the day of that deadline I sat down and looked at my intro, my climax and just thought of the "path of least resistance" to get from point A to point B that flowed well and made sense. The resulting outline is much, much shorter than I had initially envisioned (I had some utter delusions of an Umineko-length monstrosity of an introductory episode) - but it works, it tells the full story, and it's complete. And, as will be discussed in the next section, even this relatively "short" episode has so much to it that if it were any longer there's almost no way I would finish it on time.

I still don't have every single detail mapped out at this stage. That much was true for the demo as well. Many aspects of the story wrote themselves by building the game and the necessity of flavor text, signposting, etc.; so I'm leaving room for that. It is just specific enough that I know exactly what assets to make for it, and I know the purpose of each scene. This lets me write early scenes setting up to payoff in later scenes more effectively. I think it should be a good length to be engaging for the player while still letting me give it some polish. :)

Completing the Game Design Document

This was the big thing I needed to accomplish this month. I actually made solid progress on this last month, but I was unable to finish it because I didn't have a definite narrative outline, list of scenes, or finalized control scheme. Once I had these from my work this month, I was able to sit down and finish this document.

I want nothing more in the world than to share this document, because seeing it complete feels like such a massive victory. It shows that I know exactly what I'm doing and that I have solid direction for the development of Amadeus. It proves that this game is getting made. It's even color-coded!! Unfortunately, it contains absolutely GINORMOUS spoilers not just for Episode 1 but for Episodes 3, 4, and 5, which won't be out for years. So you'll just have to take my word for it.

The "Level Planning" and "Rule List" sections of this document needed the most attention, but they are also some of the most valuable for directing the full game's development.  

For the Level Planning aspect, I broke the scenes from my narrative outline down by gameplay type (point-and-click, pure dialogue, puzzle/other) and, in doing so, I found that I gave myself additional ideas for some things I wasn't sure about. Thinking about the narrative in a different way, by breaking it down into gameplay concepts, helped me make certain storytelling decisions and continue fleshing out additional narrative details. This is why I was OK leaving some things vague in my outline - I knew other aspects of development would help me fill in the blanks.

Creating the Rule List is something that, in a way, is helpful as a form of "pre-coding." It forced me to put some thought into how I will actually implement the mechanics I have been brainstorming and prototyping. I already have some ideas, and I already know at least a few edge cases/problems that are going to arise--but that means when it comes time to sit down and actually script things out, I won't be starting from scratch. I've already dedicated brainpower to considering the problem! It'll make it way easier to actually DO, since I've done the first step already.

I know I am repeating myself a lot here, but it keeps coming up because it's important. Putting thought into something before you sit down to "do" it makes it SO much easier to actually do it when that time comes. This entire month has been effectively just that for the whole game: in making this GDD, I have put thought into every aspect of the game's development, so now that I can focus on making it, it's going to be so much easier. I already know where I'm going! What a weight off of my shoulders!!

The last thing I needed to flesh out in the GDD were my asset lists and screen mockups, which there isn't much to say about that can't be inferred from the title. I'll include the mockup for a new menu/settings screen I need to create though to tease some features I hope to implement:

I also included some (annotated) screenshots of the demo to remind myself what the game actually looks like with nicely drawn assets and not mockup scribbles...

Recreation

As with last month, I want to take some time to discuss media I've engaged with this month. This is for two reasons. First, I genuinely believe that it is impossible to create good art without engaging with other art. Second, talking about media I enjoy will probably give you a feel for my tastes, which may or may not inform how likely you are to enjoy the game I'm making. Although the best measure for that is still just playing the demo and seeing for yourself!

This month I spent the majority of my time playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night with my roommate. Truthfully, I did not actually expect this to be relevant to Amadeus in any way because the genre is completely different. But I've never been happier to be wrong! The Halloween-y vibes are of course relevant as I am writing about werewolves, but I was also just so inspired by several really brilliant game design choices. This game features something that I like to call "style AS substance," and that is exactly what I want to convey in my own game. I also got a fantastic idea for something I've been brainstorming for Episode 3 thanks to this game, but I can't elaborate on that any further at this time.

Anyway, it was a fantastic game, and also fantastic inspiration. 10/10 would recommend to friends.

That's all for this month! There will be another devlog at the end of November, and now that the GDD is done, there should be a lot of development progress in that one. In the meantime, you can always bookmark the Linktree and check back for new resources.