#also this isn’t even the most random things I’ve sent to a friend

[jolalibrary]

me (awake at 1.30am speaking pure gibberish): ‘do you think frankie would swap his standard oil hat for a f1 hat when races are on?’ and ‘do you think if i was turned into a lamp he’d keep me around or would he recycle me?’

my friend: sometimes I can’t believe you’re the same person who wrote late night texts 😂

[swiftiefirefighters]

demanding buddie shippers + eddie girlies speak up every time something happens to a bucktommy shipper is a piece of self-righteous bullshit. we don’t have to denounce every single incident that happens just because you and your friends believe it’s one of us because a majority of the time it isn’t. you guys don’t give a shit about us when we get death threats, when we’re told to kill ourselves, when our sexualities are invalidated, when our voices are spoken over by white fans, etc. you have no right to demand action from us when you are silent across the board.

i have said this several times so it’s the last ask i’m going to answer about it:

i denounce this type of behavior from anyone and everyone in any fandom no matter what they ship or what random opinion or ship or character they think they’re defending by harassing people on their blogs or in their online spaces. i can only speak when i know what’s happening. i am going to speak up when my friends are being harassed or when i see proof of harassment and that is not going to stop. i don’t care who it is or who it’s coming from.

i said several times yesterday that buddie is actually my preferred ship between the two, even tho i like both and eddie is literally my favorite character and i have friends on both sides of the fight. it just so happens that the ones on the bucktommy side are the ones that have gotten harassed in some of the most horrible moments of their lives and liking tommy is the only thing that i have *personally* been attacked for. people can only speak on their own experiences.

i said, also, that if anyone out there following me thinks harassing people over their fictional blorbo pairings is okay - no matter what they ship - they aren’t someone i care or wish to interact with. i don’t know what else i can say. i’m not denying that shitty people exist everywhere.

i just don’t see what’s so bad about saying “i don’t condone this behavior.” even if you don’t think it’s a buddie fan fully with your whole heart it says a lot that everyone’s reaction is to come scream at people for saying “you’re actually bad for saying people not do this” rather than just going “man i really hope someone i know wouldn’t do this and i hope they wouldn’t but just know it’s not something i condone.”

i said it yesterday and i’ll say it again: i’ve never been attacked for liking eddie or liking buddie by people in that side of the fandom. however, i’ve been blocked by literal friends, harassed, and sent messages like this one for simply defending my own friends who are being harassed and liking for tommy. i don’t know where im supposed to think it’s coming from.

this is never okay. its not okay on either side and if anyone - anyone - i know on any side or no side thinks its okay i dont want to know them. i keep saying that and somehow its just getting lost and lost and i really fully am tired of explaining it.

no one is saying buddie shippers have to speak out every time something happens but you know what would be nice? if they would acknowledge *any time* it happened - if they would say one time hey i don’t think this is a buddie shipper really but if it is stop. but even over the summer when it was widespread and nasty the gut reaction is just to say ‘i know the ones being targeted are not us but you know there’s NO WAY it’s one of us’.

idk how many times i have to say im a buddie shipper. they’re my absolutely favorites. they’re probably one of my favorite ships of all time and for me, personally, it says a lot that in this us or them landscape of fandom i automatically separate from All Other Buddie Fans because i dare to like other things or say some of the things on the buddie side of fandom make me feel uncomfortable.

and just in case it wasn’t clear: i will never be silent. if i see something like this i absolutely will say something. i don’t care what side of fandom you’re on. so if i haven’t said anything about someone experiencing harassment it’s because i haven’t seen it. i’m very sorry if you’ve been harassed. no one deserves it, especially over fictional things on the internet.

[redley-of-many-noodles]

Hello there,

Welcome to my blog.

I’m Redley. Relatively new to Tumblr still, but I’ve been finding that I’m comfy here. Though it still feels awkward (thanks, dysphoria), I prefer she/her pronouns. I don’t mind they/them, but… meh. Note that Redley is neither my legal or chosen name; it is solely a handle, and I will only tell you my chosen name if I feel comfortable with you. If I extend that trust, please treat it with respect. If you don’t, I will remember.

Here’s the main stuff I’m comfortable sharing or want you to know about me:

1) I’m transfem, but haven’t had an opportunity to do much actual transitioning yet. Dislike my voice, adore my hair. My luscious, glorious, flowing hair.

1.5) I am likely pansexual, but I haven’t done enough research to know for sure. All I know is, people are… well, people are hot.

2) I live in Florida, but was not raised here. The climate and scenery are nice; the local government sucks ass though. Also, I miss snow.

3) I’m a diagnosed autistic, falling somewhere on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. I’m on prescribed antidepressants, but have not been able to find a psychologist/psychiatrist yet because it’s fucking Florida.

4) There are a lot of things and people I don’t understand, but I’m always open to learning. Trying new food is a special passion of mine, and I’ve met some quite fascinating new people since starting this blog. (*eoughck* @potentially-a-poser *aucghk* @analogue-system *ahem*)

5) I will not tolerate hateful behavior. You will be immediately blocked for shit like denying any of the shades of aro/ace individuals as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you see me spreading misinformation or saying something that excludes members of the community, please tell me. I’ll research the matter, as well as review any sources you send me.

5.5) okay so I think I’m demiromantic

6) I do not mind being tagged or sent asks or otherwise brought into conversations. People who abuse that will likely get blocked, but whatever your social anxiety is telling you probably comes nowhere near ‘abuse’ in my book. Anonymous asks are enabled, but that can likewise change if the feature is abused. Hate asks will be blocked, naturally.

7) I would prefer being asked before you directly message me. If you don’t, there is a possibility you’ll be blocked, but it’s not a guarantee. I don’t want me and my friends’ conversations getting buried by anything.

8) If you consistently and frequently post tiktok/reddit memes with little to no commentary, I may block you simply out of annoyance should you repeatedly show up on my dash. It’s not personal. If something about you makes me suspicious or uncomfortable, but not outright offended, I’ll most likely notify you of my reason before I block you.

9) Age: pick a number between 1 and 100 because it’s none of your fucking business. None of you are entitled to any of my personal information, regardless of the reason. I will share only what I want.

My Behaviors

There are certain things I gravitate towards or away from on this site. Here’s some:

1) I am most likely to follow people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are mentally ill, or are dealing with some variety of personality disorder. This is mostly just due to the fact that I find the most common ground with those people. But even those who I have little common ground with, I’ll tend to find very interesting.

2) I don’t mind things like roleplay and hornyposting on my dash, but will almost certainly not interact myself, or make original posts in that category. More extreme examples won’t necessarily get you blocked or unfollowed, but… well, my filtered tags list may grow.

3) I don’t always tag reblogs. This may mean that my followers will see random things that caught my interest. It could be art, shitposting, tender affirmations, politics, or just goofy-ass Tumblr shit. If something I regularly reblog/post about bothers you and isn’t properly tagged, let me know.

4) I am discovering that maybe, I might, perhaps, be a little bit nosy. When I see someone receiving hate or suffering and stressed, I am likely to take it upon myself to do or say something to try to make them feel better. If I bother you with this, I will not be hurt or offended if you block me. In general, I will do my best to be respectful of it when people draw boundaries, so don’t hesitate to draw any you feel necessary.

5) If your intentions are pure, you will likely find that I try to be forgiving and/or understanding of your mistakes, at least in regards to interacting with me. (The /or is a very important distinction.)

6) I will often be attracted to dark, tragic, or dystopic works of art/fiction. I get a form of catharsis from such media, and some of my writing will reflect that.

That’s about it.

That’s all the important stuff I can think of, aside from tags which are at the end. Still, this post may be updated or rewritten in the future. In general, just be kind and open-minded, and we’ll get along fine. Even if you disagree with me, as long as you are civil and rational about things, I’ll likely have no problem interacting with you.

Be safe, and be yourself! <3

🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

My Tags:

#redley’s playlist - Some of my favorite songs!

#redley’s photos - Photos taken by/of me!

#writing - Writing related things and occasionally stuff I’ve made! (#poetry will also contain some of my work)

#let me just frame this one - My personal favorite posts by others. Put that right up on the wall!

#cw/tw: [content] - I will tag posts that I recognize may be disturbing to others with content warnings and/or trigger warnings. This way, you can filter content that may be harmful to your mental health to view. If a post is missing an important one, let me know.

[twoa-plus]

i mentioned a while ago making a rotai au but i haven’t read rotai in like forever and the idea is still half baked so i’m just gonna throw out everything i have so far and either come up with more ideas bit by bit or take suggestions if u guys have any !! sorry for inactivity in the mc/mcd community btw social anxiety’s been beating my ass lmao

SO. au time. everything in the very beginning of the book is the same, but when archie gets to the top of that weird mountain and finds the orb he’s like “oh those are terrible vibes no thanks” and just Leaves (once the spiders are gone ofc). yes i did just make up this whole au bc i thought it would be funny how can u tell. anyways, no longer having a tribe, he just kinda runs off into the woods and does his own thing. we love a foraging king. also strong independent archie supremacy (i’ve always headcanoned him as an adult and a pretty competent one at that, just wanna play around w/ the idea of him being left alone for once). does he have funky animal friends? what weapons does he use? has he figured out agriculture? who knows! certainly not i

someone else gets the orb. is it thord, is a walda, is it goddamn karl, i have no idea. either way bad things happen and must be stopped but archie doesn’t really care he’s just chilling

at some point this random hero comes across him and, being the weirdo she is, is like “oh look. a lone illager. youre my friend now :)”. if anyone remembers me posting violet in the discord server this is her BUT i wanna change her name bc there’s already a lot of cool canon and fanon characters w/ v names and i don’t wanna like. copy anyone lmao. anyways she’s like “surely u have to be lonely out here :(“ and he’s like “no actually i’m pretty alright” and she’s like “nah. we’re leaving :)” and that’s that. he does go back to his weird little treehouse or whatever eventually i just like the idea of him getting dragged around against his will to help fight against evil or whatever LMAO. definitely the most helpful of the protags here in terms of combat skills (again. competent archie supremacy. they never said he was bad at fighting he just didn’t like it), but the whole time he’s just like “yes i am going to teach you how to use a sword and yes i am going to hate every second of it. die” (they are besties)

third protag is yumi bc i like her. hero drags archie to the closest village she can find, archie nearly gets sent into the stratosphere by an iron golem, and yumi comes out like “sorry broski my bad lol”. somehow she ends up agreeing to help them idk why i haven’t thought abt it that much (she is insanely difficult for me to write i still do not even have a consistent design for her). “isn’t violence against, like, villager code or whatever?” “well, technically, I’M not the one doing the violence-” *gestures vaguely to army of iron golems*

anyways that’s pretty much it. world’s bravest villager, illager who Does Not Want To Be Here, and a hero who has no clue what she’s doing, bless her soul

if anyone has suggestions lemme know lol. also i wanna make it more fantasy-ish bc i love fantasy so dw abt sticking to canon worldbuilding. this is all for funsies i have zero prior storytelling experience lmao

[thestobingirlie]

On that post about how Steve getting with Vickie would be a betrayal to Robin, this is the anon who sent a follow up to that person about it

First of all I was just looking back at the initial anon you got about it and they said that post stated that if R/nance is a betrayal to Steve then Steve getting with Vickie would be an 'even bigger' betrayal to Robin, and op never said that. They just said that if R/nance is a betrayal then Steve and Vickie also would be

After sending you that ask I ended up in their DMs, and we had a discussion about it. They said they mis-remembered the Steve and Vickie ship to have been bigger than it was and has now edited the initial post to be less of a strawman and more the hypothetical they'd been going for initially. Where it was previously 'Why am I only seeing criticism for R/nance and not this other thing that isn't happening?' it now says more along the lines of 'Do you think Steve getting with Vickie would receive the same level of scrutiny that R/nance does' and on that front they're probably right. People probably would be less inclined to criticize that relationship, as they weren't with J/ncy. I think if Jonathan had been a girl, Nancy probably would have gotten more flack for cheating on Steve than she does

Cont: Because people are more critical of lesbians and that's what op was trying to get at; it was just poorly executed

*saphics are heavily criticized Not strictly lesbians, obviously per Nancy's case

… i’m sorry, but i still think that’s a dumb argument. it sounds like they’re still arguing that dislike towards r//nance is rooted in lesbophobia, and i do not agree.

i also don’t agree that r//nance would receive more flack than whatever steve x vickie would be called.

firstly, r//nance really doesn’t receive that much hate. until i started posting about not liking it, i’d only seen one or two posts? compared to the overwhelming amount of r//nance content. it’s one of the most popular ships in this fandom, alongside steddie, and as half of the ‘fruity four’, it makes up the majority of the content about the older teens. it’s near impossible to escape.

secondly, steve receives vitriolic hatred right now for doing Nothing. people make up lies, they literally slander his character, to try and justify that hatred. it’s insane. i’ve had random people telling me they hope steve dies in s5, just because i like him, so that i’m miserable. do you really think that steve x vickie wouldn’t be hated? they would hate steve for ‘stealing’ vickie from robin. they would accuse him of homophobia. they would say he did it purposefully to be cruel, because he’s an asshole. no one would say that rockie were “never supposed to be together anyway, so it doesn’t matter”.

thirdly, i honestly can’t tell you if nancy would’ve received more flack. obviously homophobes do exist, and i can see the ship as a whole getting more hate.

but if j/ncy was written exactly the same, i could see parts of this fandom hating steve more, excusing nancy’s cheating. she was discovering herself, and steve got in the way. it’s homophobic of him to be upset, etc. not all the fandom, but i think the extremes on either side would get so much worse.

(j/ncy really isn’t like r//nance, though, because jonathan and steve weren’t best friends. so, the dynamic is completely different anyway.)

i’m sure some people that dislike r//nance are lesbophobic, and they’re assholes, but that doesn’t mean r//nancers can just accuse everyone that dislikes r//nance of being lesbophobic, and i think it’s really weird to do so.

and yeah, sapphic ships are often forgotten about, and receive more criticism, but the most criticised sapphic in the fandom? vickie. the majority of the fans sending hate her way? r//nance shippers.

if we’re gonna have a discussion about a sapphic ship receiving an undeserved level of scrutiny and hate, we’re going to have to focus on rockie.

[namor-shuri]

I swear your commentary on posts is hilarious af 🤣☠️ These video and photo edits are so cool too. Is there a reason why you don’t post more to Twitter (not that you have to, just an observation)? Thanks for everything

Hey 👋🏾💜 Thank you for the kind words. Y’all need to stop gassing me up. My dad jokes/ corniness will know no end lol.

With my Twitter page, sometimes I question whether or not people think I’m stealing work from this Tumblr page bc both my pfp and handles are not the same 🥲 I made my twt before I made this side blog so the handle and pic was a quick “slap together” choice. The phrase “be f*cking for real” is too funny to me so I just ran with it. And then my brain was completely uncreative and was like “namor-shuri” will do rofl. Hopefully people understand by now that I’m the same person, but alas.

To answer your question, I think it’s broken up into two parts. One chunk of it is that I rant A LOT so this platform makes it easier for me to do so while also being creative with color fonts and all that jazz. I also just love the freedom of layouts and stuff like that. From a creative perspective, of course it doesn’t help that Tumblr messes with quality but what I lose in quality, I gain in possibilities [I swear I don’t work for Tumblr and this is not me promoting them rofl].

The other half of the pie is the stark difference of engagement on Twitter vs Tumblr, in my personal experience thus far. Like I said, I made my Twitter first back in late December of last year. It was kind of a random decision but once I realized I was super into the Namor x Shuri ship, I wanted to engage with the fandom more directly and pour into it. Since then, I’ve been able to have a lot of fun with making different artworks, edits, videos, playlists, you name it! Ya girl has been BUSY to say the least lol And what’s been dope is that this fandom has been a fun outlet outside of my professional artwork and stuff like that. All that being said, what slowly became apparent to me was that I wasn’t feeling as included or apart of the fandom as I initially hoped I would. I would try and engage with people or joke here and there and most of what I would get back was crickets, whether it would be on my own posts or my commentary on others. And to be fair, I know it takes time for people to get to know you and build community but it just felt slightly strange. Especially when I would see new pages pop up and everyone would immediately flock to engage with them. I say this to say that absolutely NO ONE owes you anything in life so to be upset that someone isn’t your friend [whether it’s in person or online] is a human experience but you have to understand that not everyone is going to jell with you. There are billions [billions? *does quick google search] of people on this planet. Someone is bound to hate you, while another will worship the floor you walk on. Someone’s going to think you’re okay, while you being your raw and authentic self makes another person’s day. It’s nothing personal. It’s simply a numbers game. So inherently I understood that but it still hurt the 3 year old in me that was just trying to make friends at the playground, you know? lmao But I think what set it off was when I would look up and then see my edits used for people’s banners, fan art, post ideas, etc without asking me or giving me any credit knowing that they also aren’t following me or even engaging with me in any way. It still wasn’t cool but I think what would have made the whole thing feel a little different is if I was more “in the group” but because I’ve been on the outskirts the majority of the time, it just made it sting that much more.

Then I started to get slightly paranoid and wondered if I was missing something. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something that was off? I felt like a message was being sent and that confused the hell out of me [and lowkey still does]. BUT SOB STORY ASIDE lol I brushed my shoulder off, switched gears and thought “f*ck it, let me make my own side blog and do my thing on there” and that worked for me! I got traction after that, people were responding to my stuff and throwing in their own ideas/commentary/analysis etc. I felt like I could engage with people more, even with the limitations Tumblr puts on side blogs. And just the whole vibe overall started to feel really f*cking good. The funny thing too is that I’ve noticed that a lot of Twitter is on here and vice versa so it’s the same folks but for some reason I think this platform has opened up more possibilities for engagement in my experience. Twitter lends to a wider audience than Tumblr unfortunately but I’ve accepted my humble abode on here.

This rant is getting super long so I’ll end with this; I have nothing against the Nashuri fam on Twitter. Just because I’m not necessarily apart of the “crew” doesn’t mean that I don’t find everyone hilarious or amazing in any way. If you think I’m funny anon, you need to read what these girls say because it is SUPERB *chefs kiss* The talent from artworks to fics to think pieces and everything in between is incredible and oozes from that community. But for me, I think I just haven’t found my footing or people over there and as much as it’s been a bummer, I’m still going to be on there to support the dope stuff that comes out of it. I also want to say that just because this has been my experience doesn’t mean it will be yours. I fully encourage you to branch out on different platforms and try and engage with as many people as possible [fandom or not]. I think I just got my finger burned once and immediately gave up rofl. One of the biggest blessings that have come out of the Nashuri fandom in general is it’s vast bipoc community. As a black woman myself, I haven’t experienced this level of inclusivity when it comes to race, gender, language, culture, ages etc in other fandoms. It’s beautiful and I will always be thankful for that.

I also want to drive home that everyone needs to find what works for them. You owe yourself that. If you feel like your aren’t getting what you desire out of Instagram, move to Twitter and see what happens. If Twitter isn’t cutting it, move to Discord. Move to Tumblr, you name it! I think that move for me made a HUGE difference and honestly made me feel better about being in this fandom in the first place. And also this just goes for life in general but just because you might not feel included somewhere doesn’t mean you or the place is a problem. You might just need some scenery change.

Ps: If you are in the fandom and are on Twitter, definitely hit me up and add me! I would love to be mutuals. I’ve seen some familiar accounts from Twitter add me on here and vice versa and it’s been really cool. I appreciate the blogs that engage with me on there and all that jazz. I’ve never had a Twitter before so I’m lowkey new to that world still but grandma’s getting the hang of it slowly but surely.

Thank you 💘

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you want the last dream you had to come true? I don’t recall my last dream, but I’m gonna say no cause my dreams tend to be really weird and random. 

When did you last talk to the person you'd most wanna talk to right now? There isn’t anyone I really want to talk to right now. 

What kind of pill did you last take? My sleeping pill. 

Do you like wearing glasses? I actually do. I feel super weird without them. I think I kinda hide behind my glasses so there’s that, but yeah I have no desire to get contacts or like laser surgery. 

Does your mom know the last person you hung out with? Yes, she knows herself. 

What were you doing 4 hours ago? I was watching Yellowjackets with my mom and bro. I know, I know I’m super late to that show but naturally and no to surprise to no one I’m obsessed already and I’m only on the 4th episode. I was in episode 1. 

What would you most like to eat right now? I’m looking forward to the Taco Bell I’ll be eating pretty soon.

How long were you last in the car for? Uhh like 5 minutes, if even that. 

What is something good that happened last weekend? My aunt came to visit me for a few days and we had fun as always.

Do you like holding hands or do you think it's stupid? I think it’s cute. It’s also not so black and white, like there’s other options you could throw in there. 

The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? I forget what song I last listened to.

How'd you get your last injury? Health related issues. 

What do you like about your birthday? I don’t get as into it like I used to, like I used to get so excited when I was younger. My birthday is just whatever. It’s nice if I’m able to go somewhere, like a little vacay getaway, though. 

Do you like being home alone at night? No.

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? That was the year I started my emo phase. 

What's the scariest thing that's happened to you? Uhhh.

Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Yes.

The person you're thinking about- what are you thinking about them? I’m not really thinking about anybody.

When did you last skip class? *shrug* I’ve been outta school since 2015. 

Do you like the shape of your fingernails? Ha, what nails?

Did you look at your fingernails for the question above? No. I already knew I barely had any nails to check. 

Whose pool did you last swim in? It was my friend’s boyfriend’s (at the time) community pool. That was a decade ago. 

What's something you like about your 3rd hour? --

Is formspring a good idea? I had one back in the day and it was interesting, but no one ever sent me questions, ha. I just answered the ones you could choose from that were asked by like a bot or something. There was some celebrity tea being spilled on some formsprings, which at the time I ate right up. 

What's your biggest problem at the moment? Meh.

What's the cutest thing someone's ever done for you? Hmm. I’m not sure what I’d say was “the” cutest. 

When did you last see a police car? *shrug*

Why aren't you doing something more productive than this? I have nothing else I need to be doing, let me be.

How many people know about the last person you kissed? A few.

How many different cars have you driven? I’ve never driven a car. 

What did you do on Thursday? I had a doctor appointment in the morning and then just chilled and napped. 

What color was the last thing you drank? Light brown coffee with some cream color. 

What do you do on Fridays? Same shit I do everyday. 

Have you ever had to take desperate measures in a desperate situation? Mhm. 

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? I haven’t opened any doors in awhile. Kinda hard when you’re bedridden and even if I’m up in my chair I’d still need help. I don’t need to open any doors in my house, so that’a helpful. I don’t go anywhere, except for a doctor appointment, and in those cases I’m being pushed around in a gurney so I can’t open any doors. 

What is the meaning of life? To figure out what that meaning is for you.

[moved-to-cinnamon-phrog]

001 FOR THR ASK THING I NEED TO KNOW

Here have this incoherent ramble <333

Favorite character: DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE! AAAAAAAAAA

When I first got into it I really liked Duck, then I grew to really like Yellow, but now… I can’t choose no matter the situation. They’re all my lovely skrungly gremlins, I love them equally, yet in… different ways? Same love, but… different reasons.

Least Favorite character: …………………..the larvae creature from webseries 3. Real ones will get it.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

********DEEPLY INHALES********

Well. You know I don’t… se the characters the same ways that you do. Of course, specifically Yellow and his age. And I deeply respect you for your views, as well as your ships.

I… I quite like fluffybird. It’s nice, ‘classic’. It realy got me into the fandom and I fiit funny. Red and Duck are like those two friends where they both get up  to mad shit when unattended together. Old man yells at old man. Wonderful. Noit much can be said that hasn’t been said already, really. And also, along with that, lately I’ve really been liking….. imma call it rubberduck.

Kind of fruity to longingly look at a picture of your dead mate, hand on your heart, while sitting on his bed and singing longingly about your old life together. Kinda fruity to wear his overcoat and be so grief-stricken that you grab a shovel to dig him up.

Third, uh…. LOVEBUG! I’m as sucker for LoveBug because realistically Warren could NOT pull Shrignold but it’s funny to imagine the most homophobic little insect falling for the grossest ickiest boy ever and believing him  to be a miracle sent from Malcolm himself.

…………………………………………I’m also a PaperWiresandClockwork enthusiast because I believe in ‘make love, not war’. I don’t like seeing people fight over Padlock and DigitalTime, it’s kind of…. Uncomfortable? Especially when genders are brought up. From my own pansexual perspective I see no problem why Tony shouldn’t be with either of them. Unless he’s related to one or one was actually a child, which isn’t likely. Also TimeChild is their son <3 he has his Clock Dad’s posh accent, his Computer Dad’s technological advancement, and his Paper Mum’s creativity.

Fifth….. Lesley and Roy. I like the idea of them being bitter eldritch divorces fighting over the custody of their creations [and son], but I also like their Padlock-esque darkness, where they beat the shit out of eachother and end up fine a second later.

Character I find most attractive: ………again, Christ, don’t make me choose between these cringefail grimy loser men……. With their stupid cute mullet and old man twead dress sense and a literal nudist.

Character I would marry: ………….there’s three of them…………… I can have three wives…………. Wow…………………….

Character I would be best friends with: Hmm… Sketchbook. She seems really chill in comparison to the other teachers and I think I’d get along with them. Also Grampa Chooch [my name for Transport Guy]. Because he’s funny. But in all honesty I want to be friends with all of them because they’re all  so dear to my heart <3

A random thought: Yum yum yum

An unpopular opinion: uh…………………… creativity is creativity, as long as it’s not illegal or would be deemed illegal if it was real.

My Canon OTP: 1920 [Roy and Lesley’s shipname, which I like a lot so props to whoever came up with it]

My Non-canon OTP: ………..FluffyBird has not been officially confirmed, it is basically confirmed but not properly. Also RubberDuck.

Most Badass Character: Duck. I don’t even need to explain he’s just so slay. The serve. Go girl give us nothing.

Most Epic Villain: Lesley. Sorry Roy but she is absolutely serving in that outfit. The reveal. The absolute glamour.

Pairing I am not a fan of: uh………. I’m pretty chill with it. I’m even chill with Claire. I’m  just not fond of incestuous/predatory ships. At all. In fact they can go into the greasefire.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): …no one? They’re all done pretty well to me, there’s not much to add here.

Favourite Friendship: Red and Yellow. Despite me literally F/O-ing the Three of Them, I like Yellow and Red being friends to each other, friends so tight they share a love. Slay.

Character I most identify with: …the reason I love the three is how deeply I relate to all, but all in different ways.

Red because of his deep need to find others ‘like him’, but when he does… they end up not liking him. As a foster child, who never knew much of my own family at all, but then meeting my dad’s side it just… it gets me in the gut every time.

With Duck, it’s the annoyance. I can be annoying, I can awfully blunt, and unknowingly mean without ever even knowing it.

With Yellow… it’s the constant bashing he gets for being him and for accidental mishaps. He just wants to create, be it music or paintings, but nobody wants to let him flourish, they won’t let him think. Sometimes it hurts when I try to think, when it’s too loud or I’m overstimulated.

Character I wish I could be: OATS. REAL ONES’LL GET IT.

[free-for-all-fics]

omg i am in love with cat hollenius and you COOKED with those ideas! i was the same anon who sent them in and i’m glad you liked what my brain thought of haha! i have more if you’d like to hear them - a little au of sorts

so he’s not your cat in this au but one belonging to christine radcliffe who’s had him for four years and they adore each other until she brings her stupid loser boyfriend (a cellist, basic scum of the earth 😡) into the house and his whole world is upside down :(( he tries everything - clawing, biting, yowling, the works to get him to leave the house but nothing works

eventually, she gives him up because of his increased violent behavior (and her boyfriend is allergic womp womp) and surrenders him to a shelter, leaving him to resolve to never love again. he knows he’s not a cute kitten anymore but that’s not the point, everyone’s beneath him anyway 😤)

the shelter workers try to make him at home (they’re just making due but he’s asking why he’s not being fed top-grade woodcock or nice large brook trouts[not too large and from a good stream] and being treated like the emperor he is) but they have to keep him away from the other pets at the shelter since he’ll claw them to death for even breathing on HIS blanket

enter you, who’s lonely and wants a little company in the form of a little furry friend

the workers try to avert your attention away from the surly ball of chub who’s glaring at you, curled up in a loaf as he sizes you up like the little mouse you are and they try to distract you with a new litter of kittens or excited little puppies who need a home, or at least a foster family

but no, you want him.

they warn you he’s far too old and irritable to be in a multi-pet house but you live and work from home, isn’t that nice? you can spend ALL your time with him, giving him the attention he deserves.

he watches you with eyes that don’t revel anything but you sense something beneath all those layers of blubber - is it a still beating heart?

i am offering my humble words to you and i have tons more thoughts if you’d like to hear them! 🫶

also - what type of cat do you think he is? :3

Yesssss I love ALL of this!! Please keep sharing these cat thoughts! I’ve been having writer’s block and this is making me happy 😁💛🐱

The AUDACITY of this INFERIOR MAN THING to come into HIS house, steal HIS human woman, and for her to BETRAY him and choose so so wrong??? Before he was taken away to be put up for adoption, he definitely peed or shat on everything of Karel’s that he could get his paws on. Clothes, Cello case, everything. And that was the last straw for Christine.

- How convenient you live alone and work from home!! But if it’s modern day he’d absolutely be heard or seen meowing and making a ruckus in the background of your Zoom or Skype call.

- He’s an antisocial grump who spends most of his time in a random spot of your living space that he decided he likes the most for some reason and you don’t see him except when he comes out to eat. It takes a lot of time and patience to get him to warm up to you and accept any form of play or physical affection, but once he does, he’s VERY touchy.

- Will meow at you or put his paw on you to let you know he wants pets. Will make biscuits on your body. Will paw at you or bonk his head against your arm repeatedly if you dare stop petting him before he’s had his fill.

- May or may not be smart enough to recognize his own reflection in the mirror. Might mistake it for another cat and puff up and hiss at himself or be like Narcissus and unable to look away from his reflection.

- If it’s modern day and you get a tattoo of his portrait he’d look at it and either not realize it’s him and try to lick it off your skin or get an even bigger ego knowing that he means so much to you that you’d get his face permanently on your skin. If you have tattoos at all, he’d think it’s dirt or a wound and he needs to lick it! Don’t let him do this if it’s a fresh or healing tattoo. He’d be so salty about not getting to lay in your arms because you can’t get cat hair on your fresh ink.

- As for what breed he’d be, I have no idea! I’m not very knowledgeable about cat breeds. I don’t have any pets myself and just live vicariously through my friends’ pets haha. But if you have a thought about what breed you think he’d be, let me know!

[personallylivingeasy]

I don’t even know what I would say. I have so many thoughts but my god who wants to hear all the things traveling through my mind at 100mph. Maybe you. Barely me.

There’s so many different parts of me in this situation. There’s the part that is insecure. That says, how dumb could you possibly be? Trusting a man by his word? Defending him to friends, waiting for him?! Not dating in HOPES that he follows through with his word. How embarrassing for you!!! You being ME.

There’s another part of me that thinks yes this is a bummer but he set this boundary and I respect that boundary. It’s tough but it’s okay bc this is something he needs to do for himself. That he needs to do in order to be a good (potential) partner. And for that I can wait.

And then there’s the most honest vulnerable side of me. The one that thinks wow how lucky am I that there’s a person in this world that cares enough about me to say as much as I want this I need to be in a better place to preserve our friendship. Making me feel so safe and protected. So incredibly secure in my decision to wait. My trust outweighs the insecurities that come up. I think to myself that this is the person I’m going to be with. I’ve made up my mind that this is my person. That yes this situation sucks but what is one year when we have the future together.

It’s so conflicting. How do you tell someone who is going through something, “hey you’re it, I’m waiting, nothing has changed for me” I don’t want to put pressure on anything. Because really I don’t want anything to change. Obviously we will have a relationship in addition to our friendship but I don’t want him to think the friendship isn’t going away just because we are dating. Or that I’m expecting him on a knee or something. I just want us! And it doesn’t have to be in this moment. God in this moment I want my friend. I miss my friend.

I miss my friend but I don’t want him to think that because I said “friend” that he’s back in the friendzone. It’s just that we have 12 years of friendship and a blip of relationship. So it’s hard to miss the blip, now that isn’t to say I’m not imagining what it would be like or what it will be like without this situation. I do! Constantly ! But thinking about not being able to text him with random life updates running updates sucks. And I hate that.

I want to say. Can we have check ins every other month. Something to keep me from spiraling and something to just keep us in the loop. The last time we emailed he mentioned that it was like emailing his friend not girlfriend. I think that’ll take me a minute to figure out the difference in texting him or emailing him. I want him to know it’s going to be weird at first but the more we do it the more gf bf it will feel.

And I want to stop saying things are weird. They aren’t weird, they are simply different than what we are used to. And that’s okay and it will wear off .

I’m just sad. I miss him. A lot. I’m sad the text wasn’t answered. I’m sad that it was delivered just fine and it’s just sitting. I’m glad I sent it but I was hoping for some kind of response! People are bad mouthing him and I’m trying to stay on the understanding patient side of things but it’s hard. Like really hard. Bc my feelings are hurt. Someone I miss hasn’t responded back after almost 3 months of not talking. That makes me sad.

But I keep reminding myself, this is jack and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. This isn’t a man who doesn’t care if I live or die. This is a man who got me a cancer necklace and said I was it. I need to remember that. But it gets hard sometimes. And Fuckin hell I have to book the Hawaii room and I haven’t yet and he doesn’t even know about it yet!!!!

Also I know I love him as my friend but I’m worried I just straight up love him. That’s a lot. All of this is a lot. I want to tell him everything except this last paragraph…. Miss you love you miss you

[angelholme]

V, V, V — Day 7 : Bell

Despite the appalling spelling in my introduction, today’s word is Bell, not Belll — partly because I am not sure that Belll is really a word (although isn’t everything that is written down a word? I mean who gets to decide what a “real word” is? Given every word had to be used for the first time at some point in history, it stands to reason that every word written down must be a real word or has the potential to be so. But — as always — I digress).

In twenty twenty four there was a watershed moment in the history of humanity. The sanctuary district in San Francisco was an overcrowded slum where people who were considered to be the dregs of humanity were sent — they were sent there and were left there to die. There was a pretence that they were looked after — that the government would take care of them, would find them work, would provide them healthcare, would ensure that their needs would be met, but it was bollocks.

They were placed in the sanctuary districts, and they were forgotten. They were the modern day gulags, but they were worse, because everyone knew what they were and everyone rationalised them as being “for the greater good”.

Then, on the 1st of September, a man named Gabriel Bell (no relation) triggered a riot in the San Francisco district that not only got that district shutdown, but got all of them shut down, and ensured a sea change throughout the whole of 21st century America — it ensured that no one, no matter who they were, what their station in life was, or their identity was, would be left behind or forgotten.

It set the stage for a creation of a whole new world, and a brighter future.

But the most interesting part of this is that Gabriel Bell wasn’t even his real name — he accomplished all this under the name of someone else. History remembers him as Gabriel Bell, and his real name was something else.

Which — for me — is the most interesting part. Because being able to do things under a cloak of anonymity is possibly the greatest gift the internet has given me, and the greatest gift it has given a lot of people.

You may have gathered from other things I’ve written that I am not a fan of the free press. As a concept it is a good idea — having a press corps that can question the government and hold them to account is essential in a functional democracy.

However in practice……… the free press we have is truly shitty, and a total waste of space. For a start half of it doesn’t question the government or hold it to account — it has its collective tongues so far up the arses of the government that it wouldn’t know how to question it if its existence depended on it.

And for a second their use of “free speech” seldom, if ever, is used to question or hold the government to account. Instead it is used to persecute and destroy the lives of generally innocent individuals for no other reason than it makes money.

The “gentlemen of the press” are complete waste of spaces — feckless shits who should really either find proper jobs (I believe there is a shortage of bin men and women — it would be a step up for them) or just be honest about what they do and stop calling themselves “journalists” or “newspaper people” and call themselves what they are — “turds in human form”

I do have a point to all this, if you are curious — it is just random abuse for the fun of it (as fun as that would be).

Being able to be anonymous on the web means I can post things like this, and other points of view, without becoming targets of various people.

It also means that other people, other groups of people, can ask questions, or post stories, without their real identities becoming public. Which I realise sounds like they might have something to hide, but there are people in this world who — if parts of their lives become public — would get the shit beaten out of them, or would legitimately be killed. By their family. By their parents. By their friends.

And you might think I’m talking about “honour killings”, but no — I am talking about people in western countries — in the good old US of A.

Anonymity is a cloak that protects people on the web to ensure they can talk about their life without their lives being in danger.

And if Gabriel Bell can use it to create a whole new world, then I think it is only fair we can use it to protect the lives of those who need it in our version of our century.

Wouldn’t you say?

[mortalheartache]

I would have put this in the comments because I don’t want to draw attention with a reblog but Tumblr is stinky and has a word limit + I don’t wanna bother you with 10 thousand notifs when I send the next part.

I’ll keep this brief and kinda vague because I value my own privacy and want to maintain yours because you’re deserving of that. I think I’ll respond to things individually.

On the “not speaking to me” point, I sent you an Insta DM a couple days ago and haven’t gotten a response from what I recall. I spoke in the group chat with your boyfriend 2 (?) days ago, but I was too tired to respond to what you said because I had other stuff on my mind. I’ve tried to reach out with more lighthearted things.

Uhh, about the being active on discord thing, I am but I’m also in servers with stuff for college, IRL friends and hangouts, stuff like that.

I think saying ‘oh so busy’ was a little snotty and unneeded. I am rather busy. I have school to worry about, family stuff, home, irl relationships, etc. No to mention, my mom is in the psych ward/is having intense health (mental and physical problems) which you have known about for months. That’s taken a large toll on me, even if I don’t talk about it often. I like to keep my real life and online life seperate, and don’t want to burden friends with my home problems because I like speaking to friends as a form of escapism.

I’ve reached out to you a lot, in my perspective. I don’t want to bother people by reaching out, all my friends can attest to that. I rarely say “hi” or something like that at random times because it’s not how I communicate. It isn’t a personal or malicious thing. In fact, I’d consider myself as someone who does that more often with you since we’re long distance friends which makes mundane interactions all the more important.

The important things you’ve messaged me about that I’ve ignored weren’t life or death in my opinion, the last thing I ignored was about not asking a mutual of mine why he blocked you. I think that would be awkward to ask, which I did express (albeit after the fact, which is my own fault and I accept that).

My boyfriend and I have been together for like 2 weeks. It’s still a honeymoon phase, so yes we talk a lot. He and I are getting closer together. We don’t text super often, though, and have only been together in person twice. I’d like to add that when I told you about him, you said you had a bad feeling of some sort, which I tried to accept and keep in mind. You also don’t know him, and I’ve known him for ~2 years as high school acquaintances. I don’t tell you every detail of my personal life, so it’s understandable that maybe you are wary of him.

I genuinely do appreciate the criticism, I just wish it had come at an earlier time. I wouldn’t say ‘selfish’ is the right word, maybe ‘preoccupied’. Granted I am biased in my own favor. I tried to help you with your social media following (won’t go into detail, but I’m assuming you know what I mean), and you said nobody had ever done something like that before besides your mother. I spent a long time thinking about you and trying to help you.

I’m thankful you cared for my wellbeing, I simply feel it was in ways that weren’t helpful to me. Fretting about my boyfriend is reasonable, but then getting upset and shutting down when I tell you it went well is a reaction that turned me off to talking to you about my life problems, out of fear you’d be upset if I didn’t take your advice.

I’m sorry things seemed to have ended this way, and I’m sorry I couldn’t provide what you needed in a friendship. I do truly wish you well, this isn’t for the whole public thing or looking good to others. You’re a sweet girl, you’re pretty and kind and one of the most deeply caring and intensely involved souls I’ve met. I wish you the best.

When did we have a falling out what? Why is this a public thing hello I’ve been off tumblr for like a week for personal reasons I’m so confused

You haven't spoken to me in, what, a couple of weeks or so? I tell you something important and you completely ignore it and ramble about something else, acting like I'm not even in the chat with you. You're active on discord all the time but can't even take a minute or two out of your "oh so busy" day to send a quick 'hello' or ask how I am, when I would do it all the time for you. I'm sick of being disregarded. Even if I told you this privately, you wouldn't respond to it, as I've seen numerous times. You only want to speak to me when you want my attention. You get with a guy and all of a sudden I don't exist.

I'm tired of giving my all to you when you don't give me jack shit in return. You're selfish, and I'm not going to let you drain me anymore. I spent so much time worrying about you, checking in on you, and every time I asked how you were, you couldn't give less of a shit that I was concerned for your wellbeing. That's alright, though. You don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore.

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[shecagobaby]

Love of My Life: Home

Hi! So this is the first chapter of a Joseph fic I’ve been writing in my spare time.  I was originally just writing it for myself in the notes on my phone, but I have been encouraged to share. Honestly what started as an idea has turned into a full blown novel, so expect many chapters as I clean them up and proof read. 

Warnings: None really, just mentions of sex. Now, I know that those that wanted me to share wanted smut- but do not fret my loves, the next chapter will be absolute FILTH. It is just not quite ready, so this is just the appetizer. 

Pairing: Joseph Quinn x Y/N

Alright y’all, please be kind but I would also love feedback! (even if it’s just about the formatting, I haven’t posted in almost ten years, so I hope I’m doing this right. okay love you all enjoy)

________________________________________________________________

SEPT 2021

   Nothing was more beautiful than London in the fall.  The city was the same as it always was: heavy evening traffic, busy sidewalks, loud chattering as people headed home for the night. Even the familiar smell of beer and sweat that seeped out of the neighborhood pub was exactly the same. Yet something about crisp air and the changing trees made the most ordinary things unbelievably beautiful.

    I smiled to myself as a cool gust of wind sent a shiver up my spine. Even though I was leaving a long meeting with my publisher, where I received some semi-harsh critiques on my most recent chapter of my novel, I felt like I was living in a dream world. 

    This autumn felt especially dreamy since Joseph was going to be home in a matter of days.  He was scheduled to wrap filming ‘Stranger Things’ this week, so if things go smoothly he could potentially be back in my arms by the weekend.  Being away from him had been hell. We lived together, so we saw each other every day, and during quarantine we spent every second together. Although we still chatted every day while he was on set, whether it was a quick text or a late night phone call, it wasn’t the same. I hadn’t felt him, held him, kissed him in what felt like forever.  Our flat had lost his scent months ago. Each night I hugged his pillow, trying to get any indication that he was ever there.  

   The steamy pictures and unbelievably dirty words that would quietly leave his mouth on nights we especially missed each other were nothing compared to the real thing. My own fingers were nothing compared to his. I bit my lip as I thought about the things we would do to each other when he got back.

   I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt my phone buzzing in my purse.  I sighed as I rooted around in my bag searching for my phone. My hands moved quickly, hoping it was Joseph calling on his break, absolutely giddy at the thought of filling him in on the dirty thoughts that had crept into my mind.

   I sighed when I noticed it was my best friend Tabitha, feeling a twinge of guilt at my disappointment when I saw her name instead of his. I groaned as I brought the phone to my ear, “hello?”

   “Y/N, babe, what are you doing tonight?” I heard her Liverpool accent say on the other end.

    I shrugged, “dunno, writing some, got some cleaning. Want the place to look nice when joseph gets back.”

    “When’d ya become such a domestic bird?”She laughed, “I say you fuck all that boring shit and come get a drink with me and the girls.”

  I rolled my eyes. Tabitha was always trying to get me to come out with them, but usually I would rather stay home. It used to be fun when I first moved to London . Tabitha was the first friend I made after moving here from Manhattan. We immediately took a liking to each other whilst waiting in line for the bathroom at some grimy club.  Once Joseph and I started dating, and especially when he left, going out with her became more of a chore, “ya know, the pub isn’t very fun when you all leave me to go hook up with random guys.”

   Over the last few months I hit the pub and clubs with them a handful of times, and it always turned into me bitching to Joe via phone call or text on the walk home because I was playing wing woman all night or they left me to chat up a guy at the bar.

   “Oi, they aren’t random if you met them on tinder,” she joked.

   “Oh yeah, what happened with the last guy?”

  “Gotta be more specific, love. Might have been a few shags ago.”

   I laughed at her promiscuous tendencies, while simultaneously feeling like an old maid. Tabitha was drop dead gorgeous: Great figure, huge tits, bright blue eyes, and long blonde hair.  The only down side to Tabitha was she had unbelievable commitment issues.  She would dissect every man she met until she found the tiniest reason to run for the hills.

   “The one that was buying us tequila shots last time, he had that long hair you said you wanted to French braid,” I  laughed remembering that night.

  “Ugh, gorgeous hair, gorgeous cock, but he had a bird for a pet, ya know one of the ones that talk.  He’d have full blown conversations with the damn thing.  Dunno, made me feel weird,” she groaned.

  I cackled, “C’mon, Tab, it’s not that weird. Lots of people have birds for pets.”

    “Babe, would you want to fuck a lad that walks around the house looking like jack god damn sparrow with a bloody bird on his shoulder?”

  I shook my head at the image in my mind, turning to walk up the steps that led to my building, “guess not.” I fumbled with my keys, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder. I found the building key and put it in the lock, opening the door, “wouldn’t it shit on his shoulder?”

  “Dunno, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out,” she said. I started walking up the steps, climbing to my warm apartment. “So are you gonna come or not, feels like it’s been ages since I’ve seen ya.”

  I sighed, “I don’t know yet, Tab. Been a long day, kind of want to be low key.”

  I got the key to the flat Joe and I shared as I reached our floor, walking to the door and unlocking it, “No you just want to sit around waiting for Joe to give you a call.”

   I rolled my eyes and smiled as i pushed the door open, she was not wrong about that. “Tab, you can’t blame me for missing my boyfriend, you’ve never had to do long distance.”

  “That’s because I don’t do relationships, can’t miss someone if it’s not serious.”

  As I entered the flat, I was enveloped by a warm sensation. It was much warmer than usual. I sighed, thinking about Tabitha’s offer. “Can I let you know?” I said shrugging off my purse and bending down to pet our dog, Mikey. I actually got Mikey when I was seventeen, long before I met Joseph.

   I couldn’t help but smile as I reminisced about the first time Joseph met Mikey:

   ‘Michelangelo? Like the painter?’ 

    ‘No, the ninja turtle.’ I said as I introduced my boyfriend to the dog I referred to as my son.

   “Hi, babe, had a good day?” I asked Mikey as I bent down to give him a few pets before he ran off. I furrowed my brows, usually Mikey would go crazy when I go home, but he did not want anything to do with me at the moment. 

      “Fine,” Tabbie said, I could feel her rolling her eyes through the phone, “Give my love to Michael. I’ll give you a call later, alright?”

  “Talk to ya then,” I said taking the phone away from my ear and hanging up. I slid out of my jacket and hung it on the coat rack by the door.

  “Hey, love.”

  I gasped at the voice, whipping around to see my gorgeous boyfriend standing in the living room.

  I  froze, completely shocked. I blinked hard. Was this real? I stared at him, he was standing there with the fireplace going behind him. No wonder it was so warm, and it really explained why Mikey wasn’t interested in me. Often times I teased Joseph that he was in a relationship with my dog.

  “Surprised?” He said smiling at me.

  I felt like my heart was going to pop, tears pooled in my eyes. He was real, “oh my god, Joe.” I half screamed half sobbed as I spoke. I quickly moved to him. As I got closer he held his arms out for me.

  I collided with him, he wrapped me up in a loving hug, lifting me up as Mikey danced at our feet. I instinctually wrapped my legs around his waist, squeezing him tight against me while I buried my nose between his neck and shoulder. His familiar scent clouded my senses. No matter what cologne he wore, he always smelt the same: mahogany, cigarettes, and spearmint never smelt so delicious. I tangled my fingers into his soft curls, desperately trying to bring him closer.

  “I missed you so much,” he groaned into my neck, leaving a soft kiss there.

  I pulled away to look at him, the tears in my eyes spilling over. I brought one of my hands to his cheek, running my thumb over his beautiful features. He leaned into my touch and hummed, his bright brown eyes staring into mine.

  I couldn’t believe he was here. I leaned down to catch his lips in mine making butterflies erupt in my stomach. His soft lips felt like heaven against mine, i couldn’t believe I had almost forgotten what they tasted  like. I put both my hands on his cheeks and kissed him harder as tears continued to fall down my face.

  He broke the kiss to scan my face, “happy tears, yeah?” He whispered.

  I laughed, “yeah.” He set me down on the ground, keeping one hand around me and the other came to my face to wipe away my tears.  I placed my head to his chest, feeling his heart beat against my cheek.  “I missed you so fucking much,” I whispered.

  “I know, love. But I’m here, I’m back.” He sighed, resting his chin on the top of my head. Mikey let out a low bark as Joseph bent down to scoop him up in his arms, “Did you miss me, huh? Ya miss your dad?” my heart swelled, as I gave Mikey a few pets. Our little family was back together.

   We stood there like that for who knows how long. A few seconds, minutes, hours? Who could tell?

    He put Mikey back on the floor before he brought his hand to my chin, cupping it making me look at him. He leaned down to place a soft kiss to my lips. I hummed against his mouth and i felt him smile against mine. “I love you,” i breathed.

   “I love ya, too. So fucking much.” He said resting his forehead against mine.

   “How are you here?” I asked, running my hands down the soft fabric of his burnt orange shirt, biting my lip as I felt his warm skin underneath.

  His hands roamed my back, the pressure of his fingers felt amazing. His hands moved down and slipped into the back pockets of my jeans. His breath fanned over my face as he said, “I finished up two days ago, thought I would surprise my girl.”

  He placed a soft kiss to my forehead, “well it worked,” i sighed. “How’d you know i wouldn’t be home?”

  He chuckled, a silly grin lighting up his face. “Agnes, she called me when you were leaving.”

  I giggled and rolled my eyes. Agnes lived in our building. She was 76, had 4 corgi’s, and was incredibly nosy. She somehow managed to know everyone’s business before anyone else.  I swear the short woman just stood with her eyes glued to her peep hole, watching as everyone lived their lives. She was incredibly kind, but I always dreaded when she would be in the hallway at the same time as us.  She would stop us and fill us in on all the building gossip. I would always smile and now as she spoke; but I got the feeling that Joseph kind of liked gossiping with her, his eyes always lighting up at her stories.

   “Gotta love her,” I whispered, my fingers tracing the thin chain he was always wearing. As I took a deep breath i smelt something familiar.  I furrowed my brows, “are you cooking?”

    His eyes went wide, “oh shit, almost forgot.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the kitchen. The scent got stronger the closer we got. I recognized it immediately. He was cooking my favorite, an amazing mushroom stuffed chicken in a white wine sauce. I remembered him watching me take a bite the first time he made it for me. He looked so handsome and so relieved when I told him I loved it.

    “Makin’ your favorite,” he said as we reached the kitchen.

     I was confused, “Joseph, shouldn’t I be doing this kind of stuff for you? what is all this?” I looked around and noticed the table was set, candles were lit, and there were flowers in a vase on the counter.

    He wrapped his arms around me from behind, I leaned my head back so it was resting on his chest. “Just want ya to know how much I love you.” He kissed the top of my head and continued, “you’ve been so supportive and patient with me through all this, I don’t think I could have done it with out you.” His words made my heart swell. I reached my hand back to caress his cheek. “So, this is my thank you,” he whispered.

  “I don’t feel like I did anything. it was all you, you did it all on your own.” I turned around in his arms, he was shaking his head. His eyes were filled with so much love. I felt like i could start crying again as I spoke, “I don’t deserve you, Joseph. Thank you for all of this.”

    He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, “you deserve the world, Y/N,”

he whispered against my lips. I smiled as I leaned into his kiss. He was the kindest person I had ever met. I had never felt so safe and secure in a relationship. He loved me so much and I knew it, and he knew I was in love with him. He knew me so well. He knew my mind, heart, and body like he knew his own. I also could not help but feel like he was stuck with me given the fact that Mikey was enamored with him.

   He pulled away from the kiss making me whine.  I tried to pull his face back down to mine, suddenly aching for his kiss.  He smirked and grabbed my hands, chuckling at how desperate I was to feel his lips on mine, “there is a catch though,” he hummed.

   I raised an eyebrow, “and what might that be?” I asked.

    “Well first, you’re going to make me your famous dirty martini that you know I’ve missed so much,” he whispered.

    I blushed and looked down.  When Joseph and I met in early 2018 I was bartending for some extra money. I will never forget the first time he came in and sat at the bar. He had a long day and just found out he hadn’t gotten a role he really wanted. He ordered a martini from me and went on and on about how it was the best one he ever had. I remember he stayed until the pub closed, talking and laughing with me. I was sad when he left, he hadn’t asked for my number or anything. I remember my heart sinking, knowing I would probably never see him again after an amazing night. Then the next night he came back, that’s when I started to feel myself falling in love with him.

    “I can do that,” i whispered, looking down at my hands in his.

      “Good,” he exhaled. He laced his fingers in mine, “then we’re going to eat.”  He brought my hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of it. Then he grazed his lips over my knuckles, placing soft random kisses across them. “Then,” his voice became deeper as he spoke , “I’m going to make you cum as many times as I possibly can.”

     A soft moan left my lips, I immediately felt myself starting to get wet. I bit my lip as I thought about how good he could make me feel. It had been so long since he’s touched me, I missed his calloused fingers, his tongue, and especially his cock. I swallowed hard as i thought about the first time we had sex all those years ago, he made me climax three times before he even slipped into my folds. No one had ever made me cum before, only myself. I was always shocked at the way Joe could make me fall apart with the ease.

     “Sound good, love?” he said, his voice back to normal, snapping me back to reality. I never knew how he could say something that made me so weak in the knees and then go back to normal like nothing happened.

      I nodded and cleared my throat, “sounds great,” my voice cracking at the end.

     He gave me a quick kiss before he dropped my hands, “let me finish this up, all right?” He said gesturing toward the stove.

     He walked away and tended to the food. I took a deep breath as I moved towards the refrigerator, grabbing the ingredients for the martini. I heard him humming as he cooked. I looked back at him, it was nice seeing him home again. It felt like he had never left, everything was suddenly back to how it’s supposed to be.

     I grabbed the cocktail shaker from on top of the refrigerator, filling it almost to the brim with ice. I opened the cabinet next to the fridge and grabbed two martini glasses and some tooth picks. I opened the bottle of vodka and poured it into the now frosty shaker.  I added a very small splash of vermouth to the vodka. That was part of my secret, most people don’t add any vermouth to a dirty martini. Then i added a generous amount of brine from a jar of olives before letting a few fall into the shaker. I remember him saying ‘make it as filthy as possible,’ when he ordered. Not knowing how to make a dirty martini more dirty, i began to shake his with a couple of olives.

      I grabbed a glass and popped it on the top of the shaker, snapping it into place with the side of my fist. I brought it up and began to shake it quickly. Once I was happy with the amount it was shaken, i hit the side of it with the heel of my palm to release the cup from the shaker.

     “Ya still got it, babe,” I heard Joseph say behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see him looking back at me with a small smile on his lips. I rolled my eyes and smiled back at him. Joe was always impressed with my bartending abilities. I bartended to pay my way through college and had gotten really good at it. I had done it for so long that it felt like second nature to me, I didn’t have to think about my movements while I made a drink.

    I grabbed the strainer and popped it on top of the metal shaker and poured the liquid in the glass. I was impressed that I had the exact amount to fill both glasses to the brim. I grabbed to tooth picks and poked them through the olives, two for Joe and one for me.

    I carefully grabbed the glasses and walked to Joseph. His face lit up as he saw me handing him his glass. He took it and lifted it towards me, “cheers, love.”

     “Cheers, handsome,” i whispered as we clinked glasses. I brought the glass to my lips and sipped the drink. The drink was strong, cold, and delicious.

   Joe hummed as he took a gulp, “the fucking best,” he said as he sat his glass down.

    I smiled and stepped behind him, wrapping my hands around his waist. I rested my cheek against his back right below his shoulder blades. My hands ran over his stomach through the fabric of his shirt. I slipped my hands under the hem of his shirt, humming when I felt his bare stomach against my fingers. I traced my fingertips up his happy trail, earning a shiver from him.

     We sat there in a nice, calming silence as he cooked and i continued to rub my hands on his soft skin. The only sound was him cooking and the soft humming I could feel vibrating through his chest.

     “Babe,” he said, making me jump.

     “Yes, my love?” I asked, placing a kiss to his back.

    “Mind helping me?” He said.

    I nodded as i dropped my hands from his belly.  I came next to him and he gestured to the parsley on the cutting board next to him. I grabbed a big drink of my martini and picked up the knife. I rolled the parsley and began chopping.

   Joseph placed his empty glass down, “another?” I asked.

     “Yes please,” he smiled at me.

     I finished chopping, threw back my drink, and made another. I felt a slight buzz, realizing how long it had been since I drank anything stronger than a glass of wine.

    I sat our glasses in our spots at the table. “Ready?” Joe asked.

    I nodded, i walked over to him to help carry the food to the table. He grabbed my shoulders stopping me. “What?” I asked.

    He turned me around and walked me back to the table, “i got it, just sit down,” he said. He grabbed the back of my chair and pulled it out for me.

    “Such a gentleman,” i said as I sat.

    He brought the food over as I placed my napkin in my lap. He portioned some roasted potatoes, vegetables, and chicken onto my plate before adding it to his. He looked down and frowned as he sat, grabbing my ankle. He placed my foot on his lap and unzipped the boots I forgot to take off. He slipped them off and gave a squeeze to my foot before doing the same to the other. “Better?” He asked.

     I nodded and said, “thank you,” leaning in and giving him a kiss.

    We sat and ate, talking about everything. He told me all about being on set, and i happily listened. I missed hearing him tell me stories, even when he laughed his way through it; his laughter making it nearly impossible to keep up. I could listen to him forever. The way his eyes light up and his face is so expressive.

    When we finished I thanked him for cooking and grabbed our plates taking them to the sink. I began rinsing them when I felt him behind me, his hands on either side of the counter trapping me against him.

     “What do you think you’re doing?” He asked.

      “Babe, you cooked, the least I can do is take care of the dishes,” i said.

        He moved my hair from my shoulder, exposing my neck. I shivered when i could feel his breath on my neck. He chuckled and started to place soft open mouth kisses along my skin, pausing to suck a soft mark on the sensitive spot right below my ear.

     I moaned and leaned my head, exposing more for him. He softly bit down, making me hiss and drop the plate i was rinsing into the sink. “Shit.” I gasped when his hand travelled down my sides.

     “Go to the room, want ya naked,” he whispered against my skin, “I’ll be there in a minute.

________________________________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading! I will hopefully have part two (be prepared for the smuttiest smut you’ve ever read) posted by this time tomorrow. I love you all. 

[saijspellhart]

I think people are afraid to approach you because for the time I've known you, I've seen that you tend to snap at random people or misjudge their intentions as antagonistic. You also focus so much energy on what you don't have (notes, comments, etc) or on a single annoying person here and there, than express appreciation for the fans you do have.

Acknowledgement where acknowledgment is due, I am prickly when I perceive someone to be harassing me.

Why? Because I do not receive the occasional “annoying person here and there,” I receive lots of harassing, guilt trippy, rude, or entitled messages every single day. The amount of “please update,” “why haven’t you updated?” “Have you abandoned your fic?” “When are you going to update?” is just overwhelming and anxiety inducing. And I delete most of them. I only respond to a few, and it’s usually to remind people to not do that sort of thing. You can only receive so much anon hate and rude messages before it erodes your patience away. People would not even relent when my mother died and I said I’d be on hiatus. They STILL sent me mean/guilt-trip messages on anon. You only see a small percentage of the hate mail I get, and I’m honestly not obligated to share my entire inbox with you. Suffice to say I’ve had to have friends and family vet and delete my emails and notifications before because I got so much that I went spiraling into depression.

If someone genuinely messages me with kind words, patience, and the intent to have a conversation then I am delighted to engage them. I am so extremely chatty. But when someone approaches me to send me guilt-trippy, pressuring, or harassing messages, then I am not delighted to engage them. And 90% of the time I delete them. Because I don’t like having an inbox filled with those comments on any of my socials.

As far as wanting more notes, comments, etc. When? When in the last two, three years have I made posts bemoaning that my work isn’t receiving enough attention? When have I asked for notes?

Are my fans not appreciated enough? I respond to very many of my asks with doodles and drawings. I’ve spent my birthdays before drawing cute arts for my fans just so I could respond to their birthday wishes with cute doodles. I’ve done art and writing giveaways, I’ve accepted fanfics prompts for pairings. I’ve done art doodles and kiss drawing prompts. I leave dedications in my fanfics to certain fans. I’ve given away free shiny Pokémon for the Pokémon games. And when fans ask me to read their fics, more often than not I go check out their work and leave feedback.

TO FANS: if you are feeling unappreciated. What are ways I can make you feel more appreciated? I’d be delighted to know ways I can improve in showing my love and appreciation.

[thefanficmonster]

Let Them Talk

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female) ft. Sykkuno

Warnings: Swearing, Jealousy

Genre: Fluff, a bit of Angst

Summary: We can all agree Among Us is a fun game on its own but what makes it ten times better is playing it with the right company. Y/N could agree 100% Being a streamer herself, she loves playing with the streamer gang that includes her boyfriend and best friend. But, what happens when her boyfriend starts doubting her feelings for him due to her close relationship with her best friend.

Requested by @cheetoscat . Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took so long to write, I hope the final product is worth the wait. Enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

Y/AU/N - Your Among Us Name

I settle in my gaming chair, adjusting my webcam one last time before joining the Among Us lobby with my friends. 

“Hi everyone!“ I say into the mic, a smile plastering itself on my face. Discord is a magical thing, man. It’s so easy to forget that the people you are talking to aren’t around you or within arm’s reach. You could be separated by miles and miles of land or - in our case - oceans as well. Distance becomes negligible when you hear your friends’ voices, their laughter; when you have a good time together despite being each behind a screen, often times alone.

Well, I’m one of those lucky ones that isn’t alone. No one knows that, though. Everyone thinks I’m a single, self-employed girl that’s straight out of college. And they are 90% right. Only thing is - I’m not single. That would be a shocker in and of itself, but revealing who’s changed my relationship status would be a bomb with a whole new intensity.

Speaking of my significant other who shall remain unnamed - just kidding, it’s Corpse - his form materializes in the doorway of my recording room. I give him a hand signal the camera isn’t able to capture, alerting him of the fact that my mic is on. He replies by blowing me a kiss and walking off down the hall to his recording room where he’ll be stationed for the next three or so hours.

I owe this relationship to my best friend Sykkuno. I’m a pretty new and not very well known on the platform, however, thanks to him I haven’t only obtained a boyfriend, but a following of a little over million subscribers as well. 

It all started with an invitation to fill a spot in the Among Us lobby him and his friends had created. It took him quite a bit to convince me to join, but I eventually caved and agreed. Suddenly, there I was. In a Discord call, in an Among Us lobby with some of the most well-known names on this platform. I’m talking YouTube legends. I was that puppy playing with the big dogs. The newbie tagging along with the big leagues. Or at least that’s how I felt until we all started vibing - talking and teasing each other as though we’ve known each other for years and not minutes.

When I joined the call, Corpse wasn’t present. After everyone else introduced themselves, Sykkuno informed me that we were waiting for Corpse to return. The name sounded really cool to me and I was genuinely very excited to meet this Corpse guy.

And then, out of the blue - no prep, no warning...

“Did you get someone to fill the spot? Oh- Hello, Y/AU/N.“ 

…he started talking and he had me star-struck. Apparently, he also had me a blabbering mess cause I remember blurting out: “Whoa, who’s this guy speaking in bold and underlined at the same time?”

The entire lobby, including Corpse, laughed. Sean, or Jack like they called him most often, answered my question, “That is the voice of God, Y/N. Its source is named Corpse, though.”

Heat spread from the bottom of my neck to the tips of my ears. I was mortified by my own stupidity. I was well aware they couldn’t see me and I was incredibly thankful for that, but I simply could not get myself to open my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” I said through nervous laughter.

“No, no, I like that description. Bold and underlined at the same time, huh?“ His voice sounded even more pleasant when it had that teasing, mischievous note to it. That thought popping up in my head only made things worse for my self-esteem and only made me more embarrassed, causing me to hide my face in my hands. “You sure it’s not in Italics as well?“ 

His question got a weak laugh out of me. “Nope, definitely not. Nothing Italic about it.“

Yes, I don’t even know how some terrible jokes about MS Word fonts got me as far as a romantic relationship, but they did! We’ve been living together for quite some time now, dating for even longer - hiding it just as long. It’s not that we have been actively trying to hide it or something, we just wanted to see how long it would take someone to become sus of us. When we realized no one would notice, we decided that if any rumors about us started, or even fans shipping us, we’d come clean. That hasn’t happened either, so we haven’t had the proper chance to address our relationship and neither of us minds.

At this point, I’m honestly afraid of revealing it to the gaming squad. Sykkuno especially. He’s my best friend, after all. I can see him being hurt by the fact that I kept a secret so big even from him. The last thing I wanna do is hurt my best friend but it’s already too late for that, it’s inevitable.

“Y/N have you looked at Twitter today?“ Rae, another streamer I’ve become close with over the months, says urgently.

Overlooking the tension in her words, I answer: “Nope, haven’t had the time. Why? What’s up?“

Before Rae can say anything else, Sykkuno joins the conversation, his voice somehow even more urgent than Rae’s. “It’s nothing, Y/N. If you see it, just don’t let it bother you, ok?”

Hearing such a tone from Rae isn’t unusual, but hearing it from Sykkuno is completely different and a lot more worrisome. “Well if it has the potential of bothering me it can’t be nothing. What’s going on?”

Just then, my phone dings with two notifications. I check to see they are messages from Rae.

“I sent you screenshots. Sorry, Sykkuno. She has to know in order to address it and defuse it as well. I know better than anyone how fast these rumors can spread, especially if no one reacts to them.“ She says, her tone barely apologetic at all.

I open the screenshots she has sent me and I find myself frozen in shock. Some old pictures of Sykkuno and I have been posted on Twitter by some random user. These pictures have started an entire thread of suspicions surrounding our relationship.

The pictures in question are from a New Year’s Eve party a mutual friend of ours held two years ago. Sure, in the pictures we are a lot closer than what would be considered a platonic proximity. And yes one of the pictures is of me kissing his cheek. Yes we were both a bit tipsy. I acknowledge all those things and yet none of them are concrete reasons for these rumors to have started piling. 

“This is silly.“ I finally say after maybe five minutes of silence on my end. ”This is absolutely ridiculous! And why are people so serious about it as well? Actual, important matters get discussed more nonchalantly than the potential relationship between two online personalities! What is this world we live in?“ I know I shouldn’t let these rumors get to me like this, especially not on camera. Still, I can’t help it. I feel it’s so unfair to Corpse. He has to put up with this as well and it’s by no means easy for him. I’ve been shipped with people from our group in the past and he always took those rumors to heart despite acting like he didn’t care. Neither of us should get worked up, but him getting upset about them creates a domino effect with my emotions - causing me to be hit just as hard as him, in some cases harder.

Rumors of the past aside, this one is the worst by far. Mostly cause even Corpse himself suspected something between Sykkuno and I at the very beginning, when we were still acquaintances, barely crossing into the realm of friends.

I pull up Twitter to look for the whole thread, barely sparing my stream chat a glance in the process. It seems pretty split - those who agree with me and those who think Sykkuno and I make ‘such an adorable couple’. The thread is ridiculously long, and if we take into account that it was only started approximately five hours ago, you can either view it as impressive, amusing or sad. Why sad? Because someone has dedicated so much time and effort into fueling the fire of a weakly supported theory.

I love Sykkuno with all my heart. Everyone knows that - fandom, streamer squad, Corpse and Sykkuno included. I love too much and too platonically to ever even dream of having a romantic connection with him. I thought that was more than obvious, but people are either blind here, or just grasping at straws. One thing’s for certain - they’re stepping on a nerve.

“Hey where’s Corpse? Did he disconnect?” Felix asks, gaining my full attention. My eyes dart to the monitor, searching through the little avatars in a desperate search for the one of my boyfriend. It’s nowhere to be found.

“He just messaged me saying his connection is unstable but he might join us later.“ Rae says, “You guys can invite someone to fill...“

“Bathroom break.“ I interrupt, not waiting for a response before shutting my mic off, putting the ‘BRB‘ graphic on my stream and yanking the headset off. I basically run down the hall to Corpse’s recording room, my heart pounding like a bass drum.

“Corpse?!“ I call out to him, one hand already on the doorknob. When five seconds pass by without a response, I barge in. 

Inside, I find his usual spot on the gaming chair empty and his slumped figure seated on his bed.

“Corpse?“ I try again, watching for even the tiniest change of body language. He remains still as a statue, not bothering to look up at me either. 

His hands are gripping the edge of the mattress, his head hanging low. His eyes are covered by the short curtain of his dark messy curls. I can’t gauge much. Is he angry? Is he sad? Both? How should I approach the situation?

Before I find the answer to any of those questions, I am kneeling in front of him, our height difference eliminated. I gently pry his hands off the mattress and take them in mine, holding them firmly but tenderly. With one hand I reach up to tilt his head so his eyes can meet mine. He complies, his tear-filled brown orbs meeting mine. Those tears have the same effect on me as fifty sharp knives stabbing into my chest. These tears focus their attack straight on my heart, tearing it to pieces.

“Baby....“

He cuts me off, “Why is it always someone else, huh? Do they deem me not worthy of being with you? Do they think you deserve better?” His voice wavers, “Well, they might be right. They are correct and there’s little I can do to prove them wrong. They mean you well, Y/N - pairing you with guys better than me. Those are some loyal fans you’ve got. They only want what’s best for you. And so do I. If ‘best’ is being with someone else then...”

It’s my turn to cut him off. I put an end to his nonsense ramble that’s slowly killing me by pressing my finger against his lips. The sternness of my gaze is beyond me as I get up and walk over to his computer setup. I put on his headset and hop into the call as well as the lobby with his avatar.

“Hey Corpse’s back!” Toast says, “Good to have you back buddy.”

“No, not Corpse.” I say in a casual, nonchalant voice.

“Wait, wha-“ Sean’s voice shows just how confused he is, representing the confusion of the entire lobby actually.

“I know all of you are streaming so this message will be heard by several different audiences so I’m gonna make myself perfectly clear.“ I take a deep breath, “Sykkuno and I aren’t dating. He’s a lovely guy and he deserves to find a girl who will treat him right. That girl isn’t and won’t be me though. I am already treating someone right. Someone who treats me more than right as well. An amazing person. A man-child with a heart of gold. You know him, to a certain extent. He goes by the name of Corpse Husband, but I prefer to call him ‘Love of my life’. Thank you for your time and attention, goodbye.“

I exit the call and turn around to find a stunned Copse looking at me.

“That was meant for you just as much.“ I say with a fake strict attitude, one hand on my hip the other rested on his desk behind me, “Were you listening?“

Within milliseconds, he’s on his feet standing directly in front of me, his lips inches away from mine. “I heard and memorized every word. But...” he pauses for a moment, “I think you have no idea how big of a chaos you just created.”

I smile mischievously, “We’ll worry about that later. For now...” I close the gap between us, connecting our lips in a sweet and passionate kiss. 

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