#also this is the first dishonourable win

[limelocked]

The Sun

The Star

The Moon

Going by celestial things I agree with The Eclipse for Martyn

For a general title The Thief

For the arcana I can’t in good conscience say anything other than The World, it seems that Martyn’s lore is more about cycles than anyone else and with the fragment being restored it’s now the end of a cycle for him

Although, something themed around temptation could also work nicely

[sneezypeasy]

The Lightning Scene, How Azula Targeted Katara (of All People), and the Doylist Reason Why That Matters

Mention Zuko's sacrifice for Katara in Sozin's Comet Part 3 as part of a pro-Zutara talking point, and invariably you'll get a Pavlovian response of:

"But Zuko would have taken the lightning for anyone."

(Not to be confused with the similar-sounding Pavlovan response, which is "Zuko's sacrifice ain't shit compared to a mouth-watering, strawberry-topped meringue dessert"*, which is actually the only valid counter-argument to how the lightning scene is a bona fide Zutara treasure, but I digress.)

Now, I've talked in depth about how the lightning scene is framed far more romantically than it had any right to be, regardless of how you might interpret the subject on paper; this is an argument which I still stand by 100%. That Zuko would have gotten barbecued for anyone, and that he was at the stage of his arc where his royal kebab-ness represented his final act of redemption, doesn't change the fact that the animators/soundtrack artists decided to pull out all the stops with making this scene hit romantic film tropes bingo by the time it played out on screen.

(I mean, we stan.)

There's also a deeper level to this conundrum, a layer which creeps up on you when you're standing in your kitchen at night, the fridge door open in front of you, your hungry, sleep-deprived brain trying to decide on what to grab for a midnight snack, and quite inexcusably you're struck with the question: Okay, Zuko may indeed have taken the lightning for just anyone, but would Azula have shot the lightning at just anyone?

But there's yet a deeper layer to this question, that I don't recall ever seeing anyone discuss (though if somebody has, mea culpa). And that is: would you have written Zuko taking the lightning for anyone else?

Or in other words, who Zuko would have taken the lightning for is the wrong question to be asking; the question we ought to be asking is who Zuko should have taken the lightning for, instead.

Get your pens out, your Doylist hats on, and turn to page 394. It's time to think like an author for a hot minute.

(If you don't know what I mean by Watsonian vs. Doylist analyses, and/or if you need a refresher course, go have a skim of the first section of this 'ere post and then scoot your ass back to this one.)

So. You're the author. You've written almost the entirety of an animated series (look at you!!) and now you're at the climax, which you've decided is going to be an epic, hero-villain showdown. Classic. Unlike previous battles between these two characters, your hero is going to have a significant advantage in this fight - partly due to his own development as a hero at the height of his strength and moral conviction, and partly because your villain has gone through a bit of a Britney Spears 2007 fiasco, and isn't quite at the top of her game here. If things keep going at this pace, your hero is going to win the fight fairly easily - actually, maybe even too easily. That's okay though, you're a talented writer and you know just what will raise the stakes and give the audience a well-timed "oh shit" moment: you're going to have the villain suddenly switch targets and aim for somebody else. The hero will be thrown off his groove, the villain will gain the upper hand, the turns will have indubitably tabled. Villains playing dirty is the number 1 rule in every villain handbook after all, and each of the last two times your hero's braved this sort of fight he's faced an opponent who ended up fighting dishonourably, so you've got a lovely Rule of Three perfectly lined up for the taking. Impeccable. The warm glow of triumph shines upon you, cherubs sing, your English teachers clap and shed tears of pride. (Except for that one teacher you had in year 8 who hated everybody, but she's a right bitch and we're not talking about her today.)

Now here's the thing: your hero is a hero. Maybe he wasn't always a hero, but he certainly is one now. If the villain goes after an innocent third party, there's basically no-one your hero wouldn't sacrifice himself for. He's a hero! Heroes do be like that, it's kind of their thing. The villain could shoot a bolt of lightning at Bildad the Shuhite, and the only thing that'd stop our boy Redeemed Paladin Bravesoul McGee from shielding his foxy ass is the fact that Bildad the Shuhite has the audacity to exist in a totally different show (disgusten.)

But. You're holding the writer's pen. Minus crossover shenanigans you don't have the licensing or time-travel technology to achieve, you have full control over how this scene plays out. You get to decide which character to target to deliver the greatest emotional impact, the juiciest angst, the most powerful cinematic suspense. You get to decide whose life you'll put at risk, to make this scene the most intense spine-chilling heart-stopper it can possibly be.

This is the climax we're talking about, after all - now is not the time to go easy on the drama.

So.

Do you make the villain target just anyone?

Or do you make the villain target someone the hero cares about?

Perhaps, someone he cares about... a lot?

Maybe even, someone he cares about... more than anybody else?

You are the author. You are the God of this universe. You get to choose.

What would deliver the strongest punch?

If you happen to make the inadvisable decision of browsing through these tropes on TV tropes, aside from wasting the rest of your afternoon (you're welcome), you'll find that the examples listed are littered with threatened and dead love interests, and, well, there's a reason for that. For better or worse, romantic love is often portrayed by authors, and perceived by audiences, as a "true" form of love (often even, "the" true form of love). Which is responsible for the other is a chicken/egg situation, one I'm not going to go into for this post - and while I'm certainly not here to defend this perspective as objectively good, I do think it's worth acknowledging that it not only exists but is culturally rather ubiquitous. (If you're playing the love interest in a story with a hero v. a villain, you might wanna watch your back, is what I'm saying.)

Regardless of whether the vibe you're aiming for is romantic or platonic however, one thing is for certain: if you want maximum oomph, the way to achieve that is by making the villain go after the player whose death would hit the hero the hardest.

And like I said, this doesn't have to be played romantically (although it so often is). There are platonic examples in those trope pages, though it's also important to note that many of the platonic ones do show up in stories where a love interest isn't depicted/available/there's a strong "bromance" element/the hero is low-key ace - and keep in mind too that going that route sometimes runs a related risk of falling into queer-bait territory *coughJohnLockcough*

That said, if there is a canon love-interest available, one who's confessed her love for the hero, one who has since been imprisoned by the villain, one who can easily be written as being at the villain's disposal, and who could quite conveniently be whipped out for a mid-battle surprise round - you might find you have some explaining to do if you choose to wield your authorly powers to have the villain go after... idk, some other sheila instead.

(The fact that this ends up taking the hero out of the fight, and the person he sacrifices himself for subsequently throws herself into the arena risking life and limb to defeat the villain and rescue her saviour, also means the most satisfying way this plays out, narratively speaking, is if both of these characters happen to be the most important person in each other's lives - at least, as of that moment, anyway - but I think this post has gone on long enough, lol)

This is, by and large, a rebuttal post more than anything else, but the tl;dr here is - regardless of whether you want to read the scene as shippy or not, to downplay Zuko's sacrifice for Katara specifically as "not that deep™" because "Zuko would have taken the lightning for anyone anyway", suggests either that a) nobody should be reading into the implications of Katara being chosen as the person nearest and dearest to Zuko, so that putting her life in jeopardy can deliver the most powerful impact possible for an audience you'd bloody well hope are on the edge of their seats during the climax of your story or b) the writers made the inexplicable decision of having the villain threaten the life of... literally who the fuck ever, and ultimately landed on someone who's actually not all that important to the hero in the grand scheme of things - which is a cardinal writing sin if I ever saw one (even disregarding the Choice to then season it with mood lighting and sad violin music, on top of it all), and altogether something I'd be legitimately pissed about if my Zuko-OTP ship paired him with Mai, Sokka, or just about anybody else 😂

Most importantly c) I'm hungry, and I want snacks.

*The Aussies in the fandom will get this one. Everyone else can suffer in united confusion.

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

Mess at Con

Part 2 of my piece for @cloudcountry's Sweet Shroud Summer 2024 event!

That's right, a continuation of Mess in Chat >w^

Content; Gender-neutral reader, convention shenanigans

Word Count; 1.3 K

Please do not put my work into AI. If you would like to see more of my work check out my masterlist!

You didn’t have many plans for summer, and working whenever you could barely counted as ‘plans’ save for your extremely bare and somewhat depressing calendar that just had your schedule up. But, that had changed when you met your previously strictly online bestie in the flesh, so, hey, maybe the barren dates of your calendar would finally have something written on them besides Work: 9 - 6.

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess How’s that sunburn treating you?

You knew you were being a little shit, but hey, Idia didn’t wear sunscreen on your venture in the swan boat and he was paying the price. Maybe you should get him one of those oversized sun hats?

Gloomurai Are you enjoying yourself with my suffering?

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Just a little bit >w^

You had been a bit shocked when you saw the infamously introverted Ignihyde housewarden at work only then to find that he was also Gloomurai. But, you were also kind of relieved that he was someone you knew and not some creep.

Gloomurai Despite the peeling skin, I had … fun

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess GASP! Hehehehe my ways are winning you over

Gloomurai Gremlin

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess And proud of it!~

You hovered your fingers over your keyboard, trying to think of something.

Idia had seriously gone out of his comfort zone agreeing to meet you — well, more like having the occasion thrown at him — and you wanted to hang out again. Grim was … okay company, and Ace and Deuce dropped by every so often to give you a migraine. It was nice having a calmer person around (even though ‘calm’ may not be the best descriptor, but compared to the other company you keep, Idia is calmer).

Gloomurai YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TAKE IDIA TO A CON!!! ORTHO- Sorry, ignore that PLEASE

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Nuh uh

Gloomurai WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘NUH UH’?!

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess I mean NUH UH NOT IGNORING THAT (say hi to Ortho for me) … when’s the con? [convention right? anime? comics? Both?]

Gloomurai … both You don’t have to though-

You sighed knowing full well that Idia wanted you to go with him. 

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Are you cosplaying anyone?

Gloomurai … I wasn’t planning on it …

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess COWARD! DISHONOURING THE SANCTITY OF THE CON! … I’m joking

You could almost imagine Idia flinching away from the screen from you ‘yelling’ at him, but you couldn’t help but teasingly ruffle his feathers.

Gloomurai I didn’t peg you as the type to be passionate about these things

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Tsk tsk tsk YOU FOOL! I TAKE THESE MATTERS VERY SERIOUSLY! Plus, who else could stop you from spending Sevens knows how much money in artist alley?

Gloomurai So You actually want to come?

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Y E S

Gloomurai It’s on Wednesday … where do you want to meet?

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess … I still live at the school, so Ramshackle works for me

Gloomurai F

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess That’s it No Grim privileges for you

Gloomurai NO WAIT GRIMMY-

You closed your laptop, trying to think of a low budget and preferable closet cosplay you could work with. Maybe you could snoop in the film club to see if they have any spare fabric or costumes that you could borrow? 

Low on funds and time, but when were you not? You would make this work.

…

…

Idia stood outside Ramshackle, yes, he could have waited in the nicely air conditioned car, but he felt weird about it. Fidgeting with his blue robes and wooden staff that was actually just foam, he waited.

He felt kind of bad at first, since making a cosplay last second is a hassle, but also because he felt like the outing was just thrown on you. After seeing how much you were shouting at him in chat though, Idia felt a bit better. He knew you were a nerd, after all, the two of you bonded online over a fairly popular anime adaptation of a manga.

Finally, you stepped out of the formerly dilapidated dorm, and Idia turned his head to look.

… you were both cosplaying characters from the same anime the two of you bonded over, him as the anxious magic user and you as the peppy paladin, complete with armour (thank you Film Club~). You guys didn’t even plan it out, which was weird but not too weird since you both kinda had brain rot about it.

“HA!” You exclaimed, adjusting the foam sword resting on your side, “we match!~”

Idia fixed the pointed ears he was wearing, “... I guess we do.”

Your face went serious for a quick moment. “You still don’t get to see Grim though.” You then flashed him a wink and got into the car — the faster you did that, the more likely that you didn’t waste time trying to find Grim and wasting time.

Idia pouted a bit but also got into the car, leaving a seat between you two. “I get dressed up with a wig, but no Grim,” he grumbled.

You sighed, “Next time.”

“Promise?”

You placed your fist over your heart, “I swear on my life.”

Idia just looked at you, most likely questioning his life decisions. “You’re weird.” Maybe they should be on the same weird list as Trey and Rook?

“Meh,” you shrugged. “That’s a compliment for me, plus,” you smiled at him, “it fits the character I’m cosplaying as!”

The rest of the ride was fairly quiet, but not an awkward quiet, more … content? Yeah, content. Plus, knowing how cons went back at home, this was about to be a very busy day.

…

…

Somehow, you had managed to lose Idia. You had stopped several other people who were cosplaying the same character but hadn’t managed to find him yet. 

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess Where are you?

You had been in the food court, tempted by the pizza but your soul had nearly left your body seeing the jacked up prices. You had been up and down the different voice actors meet and greets, but still nothing. You had even checked the bathroom lines and sat outside them for a solid ten minutes before calling that venture a quits.

There was no sign of Idia.

Finally, you got a message back.

Gloomurai … artist alley

Friendly Neighbourhood Mess … how much did you spend?

Message seen

“DON’T LEAVE ME ON READ!” You coughed, realizing that you had said that out loud. Taking a breath and ignoring your stomach that was starting to growl, you made your way to artist alley, where many a con goer had gone in saying they would spend nothing, only to leave with many a thing (totally worth it, support artists and small businesses, folks).

Finally, after nearly two hours of being missing in action, you found Idia, who was carrying a copious amount of bags.

“This is where you disappeared off to?” You crossed your arms over your chest and raised a brow in question.

Idia offered you a wobbly smile, offered his hand and then opened it. “I got us matching phone charms…”

In his hand were the characters you were cosplaying. Sighing a bit, you took the charm of his character. “I was just worried about you,” you mumbled, trying to put the cute charm on your ancient phone.

“Sorry-”

“Don’t apologise,” you grabbed some of the bags from him to lessen the load a bit. “But for my own well being, please do not tell me how much you spent today.”

Idia looked at the charm connected to his own phone and then looked back at you. “Deal.”

“However,” you said with a sly grin, “since you put me through so much anguish, you do owe me dinner.”

Idia huffed, but he was starting to get peckish too. “What do you feel like eating, my knight,” he said sarcastically.

You wiggled your brows, “Pizza. Convention pizza.”

“So, regular pizza but just with jacked up prices?”

“Yeah, basically.”

The two of you got your pizza, and proceeded to enjoy the rest of your day. You both managed to see the manga artist of the characters you were cosplaying as — yes, tears were shed — and made some good memories.The two of you were happy, and you were looking forward to filling your calendar with Idia Time, you even knew the perfect blue marker to use.

~~~~~~~

Tags; @edith-is-a-cat, @eynnwwyjth, @inkybloom-luv, @ithseem, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii

[saintsenara]

For unhinged and deranged ships: Voldemort/Narcissa, with the explcit purpose of making sure Lucius knows about it as one more way for Voldemort to fuck him and his family over (literally!)

thank you very much for the ask, anons!

now... here's why i declare myself a citizen of cissamort nation, a ship i actually find fascinating enough for a wee bit of it to be chilling in the wip folder...

and the reason i find it so interesting is because it enables me to indulge one of my favourite things to explore when writing voldemort - his extremely complicated relationship with wizarding social convention.

by which i mean, his blood- and magic-supremacist views are obviously sincere, he does genuinely think that being pureblood makes somebody better than having muggle ancestry [he just doesn't include himself in that category].

but he doesn't respect the social order - and its norms - which the wizarding world has invented to uphold blood-supremacy - not least because he clearly doesn't think these are sufficient to keep all the mudbloods at bay. he is singularly lacking in deference towards the class system, he shuns the expected behaviours of "polite" society, he wants to tear down the established order and make it anew...

and he has very little respect for those among his death eaters who would prefer to do otherwise.

that is... lucius and narcissa.

lucius enters such a flop era from order of the phoenix onwards because voldemort is clearly fuming about the fact that he preferred to insist he was under the imperius curse during the first war - rather than, like his brother- and sister-in-law, refusing to denounce the cause - because he didn't want to lose the comfortable, socially-prominent life he had by virtue of his name, wealth, and blood status. voldemort goes to great lengths throughout the latter books of the series to punish him for this by specifically attacking the maintenance of social norms which lucius values so highly [by squatting in the malfoys' home, refusing to behave like a guest, and humiliating his host before his peers; by constantly emasculating lucius; by treating his son and heir as expendable; and so on].

and lucius and narcissa's turn against voldemort - as much as it's connected to their love for draco [and as much as they do seem to be sincerely good parents] - is also connected to their growing realisation that, if voldemort wins, they will be made pariahs, and will never again enjoy the life at the top of the pile they've had for so long.

however, while voldemort's ire is beamed straight at lucius, his feelings towards narcissa are - it's clear in canon - rather more complicated...

because while voldemort evidently doesn't like her, he seems to dislike her predominantly as a cipher for social convention - and, specifically, for gendered social convention.

or, she becomes collateral damage in his quest to humiliate lucius by painting him as a failure of a man. voldemort spends the opening of deathly hallows insulting the conventions narcissa canonically takes pride in as an elite pureblood wife and mother... but he does so by, even if not entirely intentionally, portraying her as someone lucius should also feel ashamed of disappointing by his lack of proper masculinity.

i don't think this is because he respects the role of the pureblood woman as narcissa would understand it [the lack of opportunity afforded to elite pureblood women - all of whom seem to be married when they're barely out of school, don't work, and don't seem to be particularly socially visible - seems to me like something he would perceive as dishonouring the superiority their blood-status and magical power should afford them], and nor do i think he's some sort of "free her from her shackles" marriage abolitionist.

but i think he can be written as thinking of narcissa as someone he pities [although certainly not in a particularly kind or empathetic way] and sees as having been denied "proper" experiences because her husband's a worthless peacock-fucker, and whom he thinks would benefit from receiving the attention of someone who actually knows what he's doing...

and we have our potential setting right there on the page in order of the phoenix, as narcissa becomes central to voldemort's plans to retrieve the prophecy - with lucius circumvented throughout the plotting stage - when kreacher goes to her when sirius orders him to leave grimmauld place, and provides her with information that - it's implied - many of the rank-and-file death eaters wouldn't appreciate the importance of, but voldemort very much does.

narcissa's significance to voldemort's prophecy caper is reduced in the watsonian text by harry's grief over sirius - which associates the debacle in the department of mysteries in his mind primarily with bellatrix, and therefore ends up linking kreacher's great affection for bellatrix to his betrayal of her cousin.

but it's there.

and it must have involved narcissa spending the odd night shut up with the dark lord in her best guest bedroom.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Y’all, please stop sending me questions you can google or questions on topics you already know my answer to, or questions that you know nobody this side of the internet has any answers to.

I understand it could be nerve-racking and unsettling to not have answers you want or to not have them presented in the way you want.

But this is not about you. And I’m quickly losing patience for the people in my inbox who simply cannot resist the impulse to center their own desires and expectations over whatever is actually going on with their biases and/or within HYBE which nobody here actually knows.

What I do know,

- is seeing akgaes complain about BigHit neglecting Jimin for years because out of all the vocal line members, he never had a solo OST project. Like, before BTS’s PET era, this was one of the topics his akgaes would be getting hit tweets on practically every month. This was their raison d’être. How could the company that shunned solo work allow that solo opportunity for other members but not Jimin? Nobody got any answers or even acknowledgement of this great disservice from the company, for years. Not until early 2022 when Jimin casually mentioned that he was never interested in that sort of opportunity in the first place until a friend personally asked him as a favour.

- is seeing akgaes claim the company never acknowledged Jimin’s historic BB Hot100 win, when anybody can google to see that’s clearly not the case. I’m convinced the only reason this continues to be a talking point is due to akgaes and their sympathizers centering themselves in an equation that has nothing to do with them. Jimin has said his team acknowledged it, we can see this from their main sm profiles and the members’ personal sm pages, just as was done for Jungkook, we know HYBE’s management highlighted it as the main accomplishment in the quarter to their investors, and his achievement was positively highlighted in many articles on the k-side. But just as with the cake situation, the people complaining about this want the company to respond in a way that reflects their own personal expectations regardless of the reality of what actually happened, what the members have already said and what they actually wanted at the time.

- is seeing akgaes assert blindly for months that HYBE partnered with Billboard to delete Jimin’s week 2 and all D2C sales. Assert that HYBE masterminded the buttfuck that was the deletion of sales by Hanteo, by Billboard, by *insert random industry player*, only for it to be revealed that Billboard treated every HYBE artist mentioned in their expose article dishonourably, including NewJeans who akgaes have decided for whatever reason is why their chosen idol is not getting the recognition they want for him. It’s been clear that issues with shipping and stocking are not even limited only to BTS members much less just Jimin, and so HYBE must be sabotaging TXT, Enhypen, and the other artists in the company they’re supposedly pushing to replace BTS and Jimin. HYBE must’ve also been behind BTS’s sales irregularities on Hanteo as well as other groups’ including Twice and EXO’s sales deletions in the past.

- is seeing akgaes assert for almost a year that the decision to use Weverse albums and not provide an option for physical versions was forced on J-hope by the company. His akgaes demanded answers for months and received no answers and no acknowledgment. Only for Hobi to reveal almost a year later that he chose that option out of his own desire to try something very different, despite advice to the contrary from others within the company including other BTS members.

Notice, all of this have been things to be legitimately upset about, but akgaes taking control of the conversation has only served the purpose of redirecting any focus away from the members, to render them powerless, shifting focus away from third-party industry players who work independently of HYBE and have their own motivations, and towards the company where they aim to remove their chosen member from to exert more control. 10 times out of 10 this has been the case, even when it’s not just irrational to arrive at that conclusion, but flat out counterproductive. I don’t even like HYBE, but it’s annoying to constantly point out obvious holes in logic or in situations that anybody with any knowledge of how BTS has operated for years can easily see.

We’re not actually privy to the full conversations the members are having with the company about their career strategy and goals.

What we do know is that like any other team, resources are allocated and the results nearly every time have been greatly influenced by their own input. We can judge for ourselves that despite the members working within the constraints at BigHit, such as:

- Yoongi being told he couldn’t release D-2 in 2019 due to unknown constraints but released it in 2020 to no issue,

- Yoongi being told he couldn’t give Jimin a song he wrote due to PDogg’s refusal but this not hampering the artistic output of either artist,

- Jimin being refused his request to have a visual album but no expense was spared for his very elaborate production choices…

…that while the company sometimes says no to the members for reasons we don’t know (and can’t know, we’re fans not A&R managers for BTS), in retrospect these decisions appear tied more to logistical and strategic constraints, sometimes incompetence, rather than malicious intent. The company still supports the members’ projects and all seven members are happy enough with their current management over any other option, that they’ve chosen to renew their exclusive contracts early, not just once, but twice.

I too want Jimin to have received nominations for the MTV EMAs. I want that for all my biases but especially Jimin because his chart and sales performance dwarfed most of the competition, but even more so because Jimin released one of the most remarkable works of art created in 2023. And it deserves to be recognized and celebrated.

But already, the conversation is shifting towards HYBE propping up Jungkook to shaft Jimin, deliberately refusing to submit his work (which just like the other claims about Billboard and Hanteo, none of these people can provide any evidence to support except this happened to another artist years ago and HYBE bad), etc - all akgae talking points that have as little basis in reality we know as any other conspiracy theory you see in any solo space in BTS fandom. These theories only support the idea that the members are in direct competition with each other, do not deserve their team, and should leave the group. Because there’s a whole host of explanations for what we’re seeing here, but the constant impulse to reach for that particular reason is because it leads to only one goal.

I already said months ago after the Billboard article, that it served the purpose of handicapping Jimin’s chart performance to look overly reliant on Asian buyers (read Chinese money) reducing its legitimacy for Western awards, and we’re already seeing that play out. This has nothing to do with HYBE, and everything to do with the carelessness of the fandom in blowing up funding sources while aiming to shatter yet another Western record. When history has shown us every time BTS as a group did this, the industry responded by looking for a way to handicap the group. Which was then done for Jimin as he was the first to break that record.

HYBE could’ve sent his songs to radio. His songs have very good commercial quality. HYBE could’ve sent Still Life ft Anderson Paak to radio too as it had very good commercial quality. But we also know the members chose their roll-out strategy and suit of promotion tools and this likely influenced decisions like why some songs were sent to radio and others weren’t. And the first thing I noticed about all the EMA nominations is every artist had their songs sent to radio. Every single one. And so if the Billboard expose didn’t completely handicap Jimin, then it’s possible because his songs weren’t sent to radio he wasn’t even in the running in the first place. Here, feel free to blame HYBE all you want. I blame them too, but just as I did in Hobi’s case, I also believe this was in part influenced by his own decisions and hold him responsible as well.

I don’t baby any of the members in BTS. I’m not their mother. And when I see things I don’t like, I don’t absolve them of all responsibility and place it squarely on the company, because the members know more than me about their own situations, and are grown Korean men who have all the privileges and options that entails, and who continue to remain in a team they keep saying they respect and are grateful to.

I cannot want more for my biases than they want themselves. That’s not why I’m here. I don’t see myself as their advocate, contract lawyer, mother, manager, or girlfriend. I’m their fan and so I’m ARMY. I’ll support them as much as is within my means and preferences, object to actions of the company that directly impact me or on issues that I find morally repugnant based on having all the facts at my disposal, not based on fan theories made by groups of people who have a history of working outside of the members own interests and desires.

I can manage my disappointment on various things while recognizing all the above. Perhaps after this first set of debuts, both the members and HYBE will rethink their promotion strategies, make modifications, and maybe they won’t. That’s their cross to carry, not mine.

This is my position on everything that happens in Chapter 2 and 3, (because all these grumblings will only metastasize when the members come back, as that’s how it’s typically goes in every k-pop fandom, regardless of the fact this only ever works counterproductively for the artists).

Please read this the next time you mean to send me an ask on a related topic. While I might share your disappointment, I don’t share your anxieties, and I don’t have the answers you’re looking for. The only people who do are the members and they don’t owe you any explanations unless they think it’s necessary. I’m not trying to be rude, condescending, or harsh. This is what I genuinely think.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Succession Laws vs Traditions

Going to preface this with saying this is just my own opinion and thoughts but I want to talk about the green side's whole rhetoric about how the realm will never support Rhaenyra's claim because she is a woman. This seems to be their main justification for putting Aegon on the throne but the thing is it turns out to be false. Like throughout the first season we keep getting told this, that Rhaenys wasn't chosen as heir because she was a woman and that this is sort of proof that Rhaenyra wouldn't be either.

But, and I am going to put a book/season 2 spoiler here just in case as it hasn't happened yet but I did a quick google search out of curiosity and actually when it comes to the houses 53 support Rhaenyra's claim to the throne and only 28 support Aegon. So actually the majority did support Rhaenyra's claim.

What I think it boils down to is Succession Laws vs Succession Traditions because ultimately the two are different. The Law states that the King (or Lord when it comes to seats of houses) can name their heir and whoever they name is the rightful and lawful heir to the throne/seat. We see this throughout the first season with Viserys very publicly naming Rhaenyra his heir and having a big ceremony where all the houses came to swear oaths to Rhaenyra. Later, after Aegon is born, we have that scene between Viserys and Jason Lannister where Lannister assumes Viserys is going to name Aegon his heir. This scene (and the episode as whole really) shows us that in order for Aegon to legally be the heir then Viserys has to officially name him his heir, irregardless of tradition, being the firstborn son doesn't automatically make him heir. We also see it when the Seasnake is injured and Vaemond petitions the crown and Viserys asks Rhaenys who Corlys wanted to be heir as legally that was the most important factor.

However you then do have the succession traditions which are that the eldest son should inherit, if there is no son then it should pass to the eldest male relative eg brother, cousin, uncle etc. It is obvious that the traditions are very important to a lot of the houses, it was the real reason why when put to a vote instead of King Jaehaerys choosing by himself, it was the male heir the houses chose as oppose to Rhaenys. It's why it was a big deal when Rhaenyra was named heir and why the houses assumed Aegon would be named heir when he passed his infancy.

I think the mistake the Greens made was thinking that the houses held the traditions of succession higher than the laws of succession. They assumed that because Aegon was the first born son and traditionally would have inherited, the houses would support his claim over Rhaenyra's. They tell people that Viserys named Aegon heir on his death bed but lets be real, they have to know that isn't very believable considering he held to his guns for 20 years with Rhaenyra as heir and the only witness is Alicent, Aegon's mother. So they have to rely on the houses caring more about Aegon being the firstborn (tradition) than Rhaenyra being the named heir (law).

But in actuality I think the houses actually care more about the law and keeping oaths than they do tradition. As important as tradition is and as upset as they may have been that Rhaenyra, a girl, was named heir, breaking an oath is a much bigger no no to a lot of houses and Westerosi society as a whole. Now that isn't to say that some houses won't break an oath if it means furthering their own houses standing or gaining them more power, but it is very much seen as dishonourable and treasonous. It carries with it a death sentence if your side doesn't win most of the time. Throughout Game of Thrones we see people breaking oaths and that having bloody and violent consequences.

I feel like there are three things that you really don't want to be seen as in the Westorsi world, one is an oathbreaker, another is a kinslayer and the third is breaker of guest right. All of these are severely taboo in Westeros and are said to anger even the gods. Kinslaying is even said to bring a curse upon the one that commits it.

To me it makes alot of sense that more houses support Rhaenyra, firstly because she was named the legal heir and in supporting Aegon most of the lords would be making themselves oathbreakers. On top of that, after the events of 1x10 of hotd, they would be breaking their oaths in order to support a side that has both a kinslayer and arguably someone who broke guest right. Aemond became a kinslayer when he killed Lucerys, the fact that he did it when Lucerys was acting as an envoy could be seen as kind of breaking guest rights, although that one is up for interpretation as technically they had left Storm's End when Lucerys was killed, but I could still see the Lords looking down on the action and considering it as breaking guest right as Lucerys was acting as a envoy and they were both guests at Storm's End. Let's say it's breaking guest right adjacent.

In the end I think tradition was more important to the greens because it was more advantageous to them, they needed the fact that traditionally Aegon would be heir to be more important than Rhaenyra legally being heir, in order for their blood to sit the Iron Throne. But for the majority of the houses what's tradition compared to breaking an oath, one of the three biggest taboo's in their society? And for a side who has already committed at least one other taboo of Kinslaying. Also another contributing factor is that after 20 years I think the houses just got used to the idea of Rhaenyra being heir, it was what they expected when Viserys refused to waver on that choice. I did find that in the trailers for season 2 Alicent was being very contradictory because one minute she is saying that Viserys knew that no one would support Rhaenyra's claim and in the next she's saying Rhaenyra's supporters will believe what they will, but if Alicent truly believes that no one would support Rhaenyra as heir then how does she have supporters. Alicent is kind of telling on herself there but I do genuinely think she is in denial and is driven by the fear she has for her children. I honestly think that the greens will be surprised in season 2 by how much support the Blacks do actually get from the noble houses and its going to be a bit of a rude awakening.

[pencildragons]

moving on from this post, i am now assigning Everyone in the archives an instrument

tim: lies and tells everyone he can play harmonica. he cannot play harmonica. was actually a concert percussionist in the london symphony orchestra for four years. he is taking this secret to his grave (he thinks) (everyone else knows. he’s only fooling himself). he once accidentally wound up winning a stras violin in a bet, then donated it to a charity shop because he didn’t know how to play it.

sasha: CAN play the harmonica, chooses not to. played cello from second grade until her first year of university, has not touched it since the Bow Incident Of 2004. tim knows. is once convinced when very drunk to try the cello belonging to a pub band member. promptly rocked everyone’s socks off. was going to start playing cello again in july 2016, but--well. the NotThem has no interest in music.

martin: does not play an instrument, but desperately wanted to learn french horn. is a very good singer, however, and was a treble in his church choir until his mother got too sick. Nobody Has Heard Him Sing Ever

basira: nothing /affectionate. she can, however, dance very groovily, a skill Nobody Else in the archives possesses

daisy: she’s actually a very accomplished pianist, but did also once destroy an entire piano so now the entire archives thinks she hates musicians and all that they stand for. she owns a 17 year old keyboard that has electrocuted her twice

melanie: was classically trained as a singer, however i know in my heart of hearts one of her parents was australian, so she can also play lagerphone, bush bass, and the spoons Very Well. once she (accidentally) played the spoons on ghuk and the audience lost their fucking minds. she and georgie secretly have a two-woman bush band

jon: i mentioned this in the post that sparked this one, but he’s a violist. he also plays at least 5 other instruments and sings very well, but fundamentally thinks that viola is the coolest. he does everything by ear. one of these 5 instruments is squeezebox and another is electric guitar. i leave you, the reader, to decide the other three. people think he only plays viola because he never fucking shuts up about it

honourable mentions:

georgie: drum-kit. she cannot read sheet music. this was, in fact, one of the original attracting forces between her and jon, who can but doesn’t want to

gerry: the obvious answer is bass guitar, However. i think he also won prizes for banjo playing

dishonourable mentions:

peter lukas: treble tin whistle

gertrude: french horn. also piano. also the trumpet. also. uhh. hmm. there is a chance she may be able to play every single instrument ever

elias: nothing. he does, however, have perfect pitch (insult)

stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner: the recorder. badly.

[piratefishmama]

Everything wrong with the liveaction Avatar and WHY.

in my own personal opinion that nobody need agree with me on.

Zuko fought back in the Agni Kai against his father.

Okay so, so far, there's been a lot of people trying to explain why this was wrong with the very limited space on twitter, i'm going to do it here, on tumblr, where i have unlimited space, whee. In the original show, Zuko, with pure terror in his heart, got down on his knees, begged, and pleaded for forgiveness that his father would not give, before being burned and banished for his weakness and disrespect. This gave the audience the impression that Ozai was fucking terrifying. His power was beyond comprehension, and he was so scary that his own son, his own progeny, would still be TOO AFRAID of him, to even dare cross him. Even at the cost of his honour. Ozai wouldn't even grant mercy to his own terrified son, scarring his face, a part of Zuko that he could never hide, so everyone would forever see the proof of Zuko's dishonour and shame. Ozai was awful. In every single way, but he was also terrifying. The Live Action version had Zuko fighting back. Not only did it have him fighting back, it also had him obtain an actual chance to win that fight. Now, an Agni Kai, is a fight between firebenders where the first person to be burned, loses. Undoubtedly, Ozai had many oppportunities to burn his son from the get go, but for a brief moment, Zuko has the upper hand, right here

It's right here, that Zuko could have won an Agni Kai against his father, the firelord, and big bad of the entire series, right out of the gate, before he'd even hit adulthood. Pathetic. Dont get me wrong, it's a cool scene, but it greatly diminishes how scary Ozai is supposed to be. Zuko has the strength to fight back, he's scared, but he's not paralyzed with fear, he's able to fight back, and damn near almost WIN. Shit's pathetic. Ozai almost got his shit rocked by a teenager. Who isnt even the avatar. Cartoon Ozai was a terrifying monster who had the actual avatar so scared he was having recurring nightmares about rocking up to the big fight without pants, this dude's just a terrible father with superpowers.

The Face Stealer Koh

In the original cartoon, Koh was introduced as a spirit old enough to know who and what the real world forms of the ocean and moon spirit were. A creepy stealer of faces who hunted by causing reactions in people. Stealing their faces wouldnt kill them, they just. Wouldnt have a face. In the live action, he appears in the 'Hei Bai' episode and hunts in the fog of lost souls, y'know, the place in Korra where lost souls get stuck in their worst memories? Then he cocoons them, and eats their faces. Like, full on eats them. And for some reason he was the one who grabbed the lost villagers in the Hei Bai episode, not Hei Bai. It's weird. Pretty sure one of them maybe got eaten, idk. Unclear. Gross and unclear.

Hei Bai plothole

Not so much a plothole as just... something missing. Hei Bai is seen in his 'distressed spirit' form, he's seen, his pain and distress is acknowledged multiple times, and the reason why he's distressed is seen, but he's never shown to be soothed. Aang buries an acorn in the ground near his damaged statue, but it never shows Hei Bai being soothed. In the cartoon he had to be handed the acorn to see it, to understand the implication and be calmed, if just burying an acorn in the ground would have worked, he'd have never been upset, because he'd have been able to see it himself in the ruins of the forest with there being acorns all over the place.

Wan Shi Tong cameo in Hei bai's foggy spirit forest

Dude why tf are you out of your library? Your foxes venture out into the world to find you things, get back to your library, what the hell r u doin out there?

WE DIDNT NEED TO SEE THE AIR NOMAD GENOCIDE

WE DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THE AIR NOMAD GENOCIDE

Gyatso's underwhelming skeletal remains.

In the cartoon they found him surrounded by dead firebender soldiers, having solo'd a ton of them by himself, an old man, a monk, all on his own. Giving the impression that either he fought them off until he fell, or he removed out the air in the room suffocating them all and himself. Both entirely badass ways to go. In the live action the firelord walks through his frankly impressive wall of airbending in a cool 'oo i'm on fire' trick, and burns him alive in front of a bunch of air nation children. The fucking dishonour on your whole goddamn family whoever decided upon that scene, jesus christ.

Azula wasn't scary

She was just... meh.

The Only Good Thing About the Avatar Live Action series.

Big spirit fish go brr.

[paperbag34]

It's like, 11pm for me rn. Long post ahead lmao.

Y'know, I was just thinking about that one post I saw a while ago about Katara faking being the Avatar instead of ever finding Aang, and, well. How much of ATLA's stuff wouldn't happen or happen differently if Aang wasn't there?

Also, travel time lol. The Gaang gets the advantage of Appa being able to Literally Fly, but without Aang, no Appa, and thus no flight. You can just handwave it by saying Katara can travel faster by water using waterbending I guess. A surprising amount of ATLA happens a reasonable distance near bodies of water, but some parts happen unchangably inland. Also, Si Wong Desert lmao. Aint no way she's waterbending herself across the desert.

Also, imagine how much power Katara needs to fake being Avatar. Aang is OP, frankly. He's practically a one-man army. To be able to fight on the Avatar's level, with waterbending as well as her "fakebending", she has to be an abnormally powerful waterbender. Her fighting style would probably evolve to be a form of immense field control, spreading water all throughout the land so she can use it at any time to mimic different bending styles.

Anyway my thoughts on season 1:

In "The Boy in the Iceberg" and "The Avatar Returns", Zuko has no real reason to be aware of the Avatar's presence. Since Aang never gets unsealed, the giant sky-beam of light never happens, and Zuko never gets alerted to what Katara's doing. The Fire Navy ship doesn't happen either, since Aang doesn't get Katara to go in, so the flare doesn't go off. Zuko can literally leave the South Pole without ever meeting Katara or knowing about her (false) status as Avatar.

If we really wanted to make them meet, they could meet as Katara and Sokka boat themselves out of the South Pole, on the ocean. Zuko ignores them, of course, because what does he get from shooting traders? It's dishonourable. He does see them boating their way out though.

In "The Southern Air Temple", the world has no way of knowing the Avatar is back. Even if they decide to visit, since Katara isn't actually the Avatar, she can't resonate with the Avatar statues, and none of the worldwide temples get the big glowy light message. It would also be funny if Katara pays her respects to the past avatars, explains her plan, turns to leave, and then the past avatars just go "Eh. She'll do." and send out the "Hey, Avatar's back guys!" message.

Zhao also never gets the news about the Avatar being there. Zuko can just dock to resupply, get insulted by Zhao, win the Agni Kai, etc.

"The Warriors of Kyoshi" is probably the first place where it would make sense for Zuko to meet Katara. As a neutral spot, Zuko can reasonably dock there. Maybe Uncle Iroh gets him to take a break from Avatar hunting. While it's highly possible that this is where they can first get into conflict, as Zuko sees Katara demonstrate her "Earthbending" in town, it's also possible that Suki and the Kyoshi warriors get get them to Not Do That, and get Katara not to fight them, leading to a peaceful interaction between Team Katara and Team Zuko.

Omashu would probably be where news of the Avatar could spread to the world for the first time. Katara would obviously want to advertise herself as the Avatar for hope-bringing reasons, so the news spreads throughout Omashu. Fire Nation spies in Omashu can reasonably send word to the capital, which is how while Ozai would learn of the Avatar, Zuko would not, at least for now until he gets wind of the rumors.

"The King of Omashu" and "Imprisoned" can still likely happen, since Bumi obviously wants to get a handle on this new Avatar that replaced his old friend, and it's reasonable that by the time of Imprisoned, news of the Avatar's description wouldn't have reached that far yet.

"Imprisoned", though might go a little differently. The main thing in Imprisoned is Aang and Sokka ferrying themselves over using Appa, then Aang airbending all the coal out of the prison burners for the prisoners to use. Katara... can't do that. Or, well, she can because her pretending to be the Avatar in this AU means she's also ridiculously OP. So either she beats the warden's ass herself, or she uses waterbending to both douse the burners and steal the coal, which is explained away by her recognizing she has to help the prisoners save themselves or something, idk.

"Winter Solstice Part 1" might actually be almost identical to canon. Roku's reason for calling Aang is to warn him about Sozin's Comet. Assuming Roku knows about this upstart Water Tribe girl impersonating his successor, it's highly possible he'd also summon her to give the same warning. The village chief can have maps so they can find Crescent Island, and Zuko still shows up to see the Avatar because he's heard of her by now and realized his mistake.

Part 2, could also be pretty close. Being even more powerful in this AU, she can pass the blockade no problemo. The rest goes literally exactly the same, though in my opinion, Katara would have to experience backlash from hosting Avatar Roku in her body. She's no the actual Avatar, after all. Alternatively, she doesn't do that, and gets out on her own strength. Roku doesn't destroy the temple, and they either beat Zhao's ass or just straight up run away.

"The Waterbending Scroll" is interesting, because Katara being pissed off at Aang is arguably what causes the conflict in the episode. She steals the scroll and stays up late praticing because she's mad that Aang's natural at waterbending, so she gets captured by the pirates. It still makes sense for her to steal the scroll (Liberating waterbender stuff from pirates, wanting to see what actual waterbending forms are like), but I'm not sure how the pirate confrontation goes down, because at this point in the AU, Katara's could probably beat their ass just fine.

"Jet" goes pretty much the same, actually.

"The Great Divide" is a surprisingly problematic episode for this AU. This is a pretty Aang-heavy episode, with Appa being used to ferry the sick Zhang and Gan Jin over to the other side, Aang playing peacemaker in a way that really only he can, and most importantly, Aang being actually 112 is what lets him pull off his bullshit story at the end. I have no clue how to handle this episode, tbh. Let's pretend that this doesn't happen because Katara travels more by water, okay? TGD is kinda dumb anyway.

"The Storm" can also go basically the same. it's fine. Katara's a waterbender in a storm.

"The Blue Spirit" also can go remarkably similar too. It's unfortunately a rather important Zuko moment, so skipping this is out. Canonically, Katara gets sick. So here, she also gets sick, so she can't just power through Pouhuai. Simple solution, though it does feel rather contrived.

"The Fortuneteller" either goes with Katara beating the lava's ass, or the village being destroyed and them moving out of it, proving Aunt Wu wrong. Aang solidified the lava by airbending it, so Katara could do something similar by waterbending it. Maybe she can "fake earthbend" the trench even deeper than it reached in canon so

"Bato of the Water Tribe" goes similar. Maybe Bato can help Sokka and Katara fight off Zuko and June, since Aang isn't involved here. Zuko tracks Katara as usual, gets beaten up, they leave.

In "The Deserter", I think it'd be cool for Katara to challenge Jeong-Jeong to a spar. Why? Simple. She wants to feel firebending in a more controlled environment - The only times she's been firebent at so far she was fighting for her life - so she can mimic it more effectively. I think at this point she'd already have taken her Icebending to the other extreme in Steambending, so this fight would be her trying to either refine it, or come up with a more visible technique to mimic firebending.

Can waterbenders bend alcohol? Katara bent perfume once, so she should be able to bend low proof alcohol. A quick googling shows that our modern perfumes are around 15-20% alcohol, so reasonably Katara can probably bend alcohol made with ATLA level tech, the proof can't be that high, and the water content will be. Quick way to firebend, I guess. Keep a supply of spark rocks around to light alcohol on fire. Maybe Jeong Jeong drinks in this AU and she uses his alcohol to develop alcoholbending I guess.

(Side note, why do earth and firebenders get all the cool LoK bending? Waterbenders get healing and spiritbending, which is cool, but Earth and Fire get bending that feels different, while waterbending always uses the same water.)

"The Northern Air Temple" goes similarly, but for the life of me I don't know how Team Katara would discover the War Balloons. You know what? Maybe they don't! They discover the war balloons when War Minister Qin pops around and they confront him, leading to events as in canon. Maybe the Fire Nation never gets the original War Balloon here, actually, because Katara beats their ass and as such it never goes down, but Teo's father actually gets to show off the War Balloon to Qin, and if the Fire Nation can build a big-ass drill, they can recreate the War Balloons from a detailed description.

Finally, we reach "The Waterbending Master" and both parts of "The Siege Of The North". This is, quite literally, Katara's element. "Avatar" Katara beats Pakku's ass, finds out about the "Grand-Pakku" thing, the invasion goes as usual. Zhao might not get to kill the Moon Spirit here, since, well. Katara kind of relies on the Moon Spirit, so she does everything possible to get his ass before he gets the Moon's ass. Alternatively, this is a great place to have Katara's secret unveiled to any potential companions she's hiding it from, and also Iroh. Zuko isn't there, Yue dies so the secret isn't spilt by her, and whatever remaining fire nation soldiers won't be there when Katara reveals, at around the same point Aang does the Big Fish Thing, that she can't bend. iroh, I think, is willing to keep it a secret, especially since he's seen how powerful Katara is, and that she's actually pulling it off. This would also tip Team Katara off to Iroh possibly being on their side as well.

Finally, I wonder if other companions could join Katara. Assuming Kyoshi Island doesn't get Zuko'd, Suki might be a contender for a companion, wanting to help the Avatar on her journey (and also Sokka, but less so). Sokka comes along, of course. he's Katara's brother, he's not letting her con the entire world without him. I'm drawing a blank for any other potential companions, though. Maybe they cna meet Toph early lol? I really want Katara to show up at Earth Rumble as The Avatar though, so probably not.

Idk. This is my two cents on this idea, maybe one day I'll actually write it, but that day is not today. Maybe I'll get back to this with my thoughts on season 2 as well.

[thirtyknives]

How to Burn the Goat

Friends. The Gävle Goat still stands.

I don't think the Swedes are going to pull it off this year. There's a bunch of shit working against them - not in the least the relocation from the Goat's traditional home in Castle Square to Rådhusesplanaden, a much more exposed location- so no dishonour is upon them. In the fight between recreational arsonists and the forces of law, sometimes the forces of law win. But it isn't about recreational arson, is it? It's the forces of Light beating back the long winter Darkness, the ritual immolation of 2022's psychic garbage, burned as a sacrifice for the Unconquered Sun. And I really, really don't need to tell you just how much psychic garbage there is to torch. So let's burn the motherfucker together.

The obvious and easy option to symbolically burn the Goat at a distance for tumblrinas is a "like to charge, share to cast" reblog chain. There's a few going round so I won't bother trying to link to them all. Slightly more involved is burning your own goat.

SAFETY FIRST MY DARLINGS

First off if you're in an area with a fire ban, don't fucking burn anything. Fire bans exist for a reason. Non fire options include:

Feed a picture of the Gävle Goat into a paper shredder, or just rip it up yourself.

Make Goat shaped foods (cookies, cake, even sammiches) and eat them.

Play my mate @thefallingdream's printable game The Goat Must Burn

Have a Goat themed cocktail, like an Old Goat or a Fainting Goat, or maybe goat milk lassi if you prefer to avoid alcohol.

Make effigies from Plasticine or modelling clay and flatten it

It's also a less widely celebrated tradition to toss the smaller Science Club Goat into the Gävle River. If you have a river to hand, you can always make a wee goatlet out of sticks, leaves and other natural materials and toss it right the fuck in. Remember, we're symbolic arsonists, not environmental vandals, so stick to shit that's in the river in the first place.

IF YOU DO OPT TO BURN, HERE IS A NON-EXHAUSTIVE LIST OF WAYS TO DO SO SAFELY.

Choose your burn location wisely. Safer places to burn include:

Fireplaces

Barbecues

Firepits

Braziers

Clear areas of concrete or tile (OUTDOORS)

Clear areas of beach, away from other people

Ash has a habit of floating, so don't burn close to buildings. Get yourself something to put out the fire if it gets away from you. For small goats, a bucket of water will probably do, but running water from a hose is better. If you want to have a fire extinguisher to hand, make sure you know how to use it.

I also suggest that if you're not someone who lights a lot of fires for whatever reason, find someone who does to help you keep shit under control. I've made a lot of campfires and bonfires in the last forty years, so I can confidently build and set fires, and keep them contained. Scouts and avid campers generally have an idea of what they're doing too, and I guess if you're in a climate where fireplaces are a thing you'll have more folks around who can cremate a goat safely.

We also won't be drinking until after the Goat is safely extinguished. Even though the average age of participants is mid thirties and we're all legally able to, even an intelligent person can make for a stupid drunk and we'd rather not risk accidents. This is double so for myself, as I will be the Designated Fire Maniac for this event.

Bad places to burn your Goat:

Bedrooms (especially on desks or beds)

Indoors in general

Leaf strewn woodlands

Barns

Roads

Around unsupervised small children or drunks

I know there's bound to be a few of you who want to burn a goat but who have unsupportive home environments where this kind of lightweight witchcraft is a punishable offense. I can't stress enough that even the Small Scale Abstract Option below can burn your damn house down if you try it secretly in your bedroom or whatever. Just opt for a non-fire option if that's you.

FRIENDS YOU WILL NOT CLEAR THE PSYCHIC GARBAGE OF THE YEAR IF YOU BURN DOWN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD IN THE PROCESS

Now that I've got that bit out of the way, let's burn shit!

Option One: Small Scale Abstract Option

Just write "goat" on a bit of paper or a leaf or other safe to burn material and burn it safely in a little metal bowl, brazier, or whatever. You can supe it up by using a scrap of paper with strong negative vibes associated with 2022, like a power bill, legal summons or passive-aggressive note from your roomie.

Then ya burn it. Scrunch the paper into a ball, light your match, stuff the flaming end inside the ball of paper. Boom. Done.

If you want to print out the OG Goat or draw it, that works too. All we want to do here is consign the Goat to the ashes. That's it.

Option Two: Burn the Goat in Effigy

If you have space, time and the right level of bloody minded determination, why not build yourself a goat and burn it? It doesn't have to be complicated or large. Paper crafted goats or origami are fantastic for this, if you have the skill.

This one is made from toilet paper rolls and ice block sticks.

This is the larger goat we burned in 2020. It was made of paper shopping bags, natural wool and corrugated cardboard packing boxes for support:

If you're crafting your own there's a couple of considerations to keep in mind.

First is flammability. Stick to natural, flammable materials like paper, card, sticks and wood. String like twines made from jute, cotton or hemp, or natural yarn will also burn cleanly. I avoid adhesives at all and just use string, but if you want a glue wheatpaste will get the job done and will make the Goat smell like toast as it goes up. Metal fixtures like staples, nails or wire are fine too, just be mindful that they'll remain in the ashes afterwards and may need to be disposed of responsibly

Avoid using plastic tapes or glues like PVA. They burn fast and hot, in ways that can be unpredictable, and release nasty gases as they do. I generally also only use materials that are already the right color, but if you want to paint it avoid acrylic paints for the same reason you skip plastic tapes and glue. Tea and coffee washes will get the job done without choking you out or risking the goat burning unpredictably.

Both the goats above have hollow interiors. For us, this means we can write down our sorrows and insert them into the goat's body to be burned along with it. But it also provides oxygen for the fire and helps the goat to burn. I don't usually burn in proper fireplaces, but opt for short fast immolation so I don't use sticks or timber supports. If yours is going into a fireplace or barbecue you can use heavier materials that take longer to burn.

I am also not going to do any talking whatsoever about accelerants you can add to get this fire going. That is Advanced Level Immolation, and I will not be held accountable for any you people blasting your eyebrows off with a poorly timed spritzing of petrol. Let your designated fire maniac deal with that shit or just don't risk it at all.

Your second consideration when building your Goat is size. Pick your safe place to burn it before you start building, and construct it to fit its pyre. Again, safe places to burn your goat include:

Fireplaces

Barbecues

Firepits

Braziers

Clear areas of concrete or tile (OUTDOORS)

Clear areas of beach, away from other people

Small goats are just as good as large ones if you don't have a lot of room. For our purposes, burning an origami goat in a metal pail is just as good as my bigger guys. This year I'm crocheting a goat from paper yarn based very loosely on this pattern, because I've personally had a bitch of a year and each stitch is really sealing in that suffering. But it doesn't have to be fancy. It just needs to be goaty.

Let's make this happen, everyone!

Pictured: My 2020 goat. I burn on New Year's Eve to give the Swedes time to get theirs done first. That wall behind the Goat is wet, and so is the grass. Not shown is the garden hose at the ready and the many sober adults supervising, including a Designated Fire Maniac (me).

The 2021 Goat. Co-incident? I think not.

[hollow-keys]

I saw Wonder Woman #2 today and I decided to read it out of morbid curiousity, so mamma mia, here we go again:

I read Tom King's Wonder Woman so you don't have to, round two (link to round one here).

First off, framing. Yet again, this issue is narrated by the Sovereign, but this time it's narrated to someone. And that someone is Trinity, Diana's daughter that Tom King created. She gets no lines and she doesn't appear on panel, but given the Sovereign refers to Diana as "your mother," there's only one character it could be. First of all, this is Diana's book, it should be told from her perspective. We get no insight from her, nothing from her perspective, she shows even less emotion than in the last issue. This is not the treatment Tom King gave Batman. Second, I do not care about the OC daughter. I do not want to hear about her.

But on to the actual story. So, it starts with Diana on an open field being approached by Steve Trevor, who is acting on behalf of the US government and is telling her to stand down because she can't win.

Look, I didn't think I'd ever complain about Steve Trevor, incredibly basic WW supporting character, being mischaracterised but. Isn't he meant Wonder Woman's staunch friend who pretty much always takes her side? Hasn't he seen Diana in enough battles to know she doesn't just lose? She's fought gods, armies from outer space, the forces of Apokolips, why does he think the US army is beyond her? He's underestimating her for no reason.

And more importantly, because she is the title character, why doesn't Diana seem to care that her long time ally is being a coward?

And why does Diana care about the soldiers wellbeing at this point? Why is she trying to get them to go home with no consequence and no hint of anger about how her or her fellow Amazons have been treated when they've already made their stance quite clear? People are dead! They've already made their decision, you already tried to extend them mercy. Now you fight. The thing about Diana is that mercy is always her first port of call, but when the other side has made their choice she meets them and she does have anger about the injustices they've committed. Here, she just doesn't seem to care.

Also, Diana's nihilism about the ways of men, that they will always "crash upon the rocks" is at odds with her optimism. She knows that humanity contains multitudes, some crash, some don't.

Anyway, the whole issue parallels her fight against the army with flashbacks to her final fight on Themyscira to prove herself worthy of being the Amazon's champion and Wonder Woman. This parallel makes no sense to me. Those fights were completely different.

One is against an army to defend herself and her people from enemies who want them dead, the other is against an ally in a tournament, a battle where no one's in real danger. Or at least, that's how it should be. Usually when this moment is shown, it's a good faith tournament to find out who the most qualified person to serve as champion is, they're all allies who respect each other. Here, the opponent is shown to be hateful towards Diana, genuinely seriously injure her and there's no sense of camaraderie between them.

While Diana and her opponent are trading barbs before their fight, the other Amazon gives her a chance to surrender. Diana responds "Honour is won with swords, not surrender," which is incredibly out of character for her. Yes, there are cases where Diana would consider surrender dishonourable, but it's not an absolute rule. She believes in compassion and peace, which means surrender is sometimes the right course of action. The framing of it as an absolute here does a disservice to her.

Steve Trevor would not fucking say that, Amazons do not fucking act like that and the last panel makes no sense. It's said by present Diana but only makes sense as a continuation of past Diana's sentence. present WW just said "To tell me who I am." with no words before that. To parallel these conversations, present Diana talking to Steve would have had to have said "Neither you nor anyone else has ever earned the right..." in the fifth panel so the seventh panel made sense for both sides. The composition here was thoughtless. Yes this is a nitpick, but details matter. Where are the editors? Sidenote: her mask is ugly.

Anyway, then we get these choice narration boxes from the Sovereign.

It's just. So bad. I want to make it clear that at no point is the Sovereign framed as an unreliable narrator, despite being the villain who's diametrically opposed to Diana. This just appears to be, Tom King's genuine take on things. I would ask if he understands that you cannot believe in peace and do nothing in the face of violent status quo, but I don't have to. Of course he doesn't. And of course he calls her an idiot while he's at it. Remind me, did he ever call Batman anything like that?

We then get more pathetic "Of course I want Diana to win, I'm still gonna serve with her enemies though" Steve Trevor. I should make it clear tho that he's not actually fighting against her, he's just watching the fight and updating Sargeant Steel.

Anyway, then we get a bit of narration that says:

"Infantry. Be it conscripts or... Well it's always just conscripts. If you can't do it from afar...Or with haste... Then get the grunts to rush in close and kill and die in what you will tell their children was a patriotic mission."

Tom King, stop processing your war trauma here. Any one of these soldiers could have stood down, they chose to enforce a genocidal policy. It's on them. Stop framing them as victims who were taken advantage of, they're grown adults who chose to be there.

Anyway. Another caption box from the still-inexplicably-narrating-this Sovereign:

"...And prepared to meet the onslaught of angry men with the grace of a princess born and proven."

I ask this again, did he ever treat Batman like this? Does he ever emphasise Batman's grace and frame him as being above anger? Why does Diana need to be like this?

And now for an unnecessary Macbeth reference.

"For some time the missiles rained down. No man of woman born could have survived such a salvo. But of course. She was neither a man nor born of woman. She was Amazon. Forged first of clay. Then steel."

I don't think this reference makes sense considering the line in Macbeth is a prophecy, a warning that Macbeth missed. But here it's a measure of power. She's powerful enough because she's not a man of woman born, which makes no sense because that has nothing to do with power. I'm nitpicking. Again. I know. But the Macbeth reference is such a shallow attempt at being badass. And as a sidenote, it should say "She was AN Amazon."

"Potty train." "A pup." God this dialogue is so bad. Amazons do not fucking speak like that.

Then Diana smashes a tank with another tank and there are cartoon stars on the impact sight. This is meant to be a serious battle, why are they there?

"Many people lie about your mother. About her family, her origins, her abilities, her wants her needs. Every tale of the great Wonder Woman provides us with more insight into the teller than into their supposed protagonist. They faithfully project their own fears onto her with the aspiration that her legend can ease their daily panic."

So close to self awareness and yet so far. It's so ironic.

"Men in the field, I admire your courage! I honor your service and your loyalty! I do not wish to harm you! But if you proceed... I will... Over and over... Drop a 55-ton abrams tank on your pathetic little heads!"

Again, why does she not seem to care about the violence they've committed against her and her people? Why does she continue to respect them and wish no harm upon them? Where's her sadness, her righteous fury? And the bit where she says she'll drop a tank on their "pathetic little heads" is so out of character and it's such bad dialogue. When Diana makes threats, it's not like that.

Anyway, y'know the flashback fight? Yeah, well, the issue ends with the reveal that her opponent is the Amazon that committed the massacre which kick started this whole thing, which is such a cheap retcon it makes me roll my eyes.

After all this, I think I put more thought into this post than Tom King puts into any of his writing. I hope the next issue isn't bad enough that it inspires me to do this again. I'm tired.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Beryl Coronet pt 3

Come on, Mary! I believe in you.

Weird, how it's this one and The Naval Treaty that I had such strong ideas about whodunnit from the first introduction of the character and they're both about people making poor security decisions that could lead to national disaster. But on this one I'm supporting (one part of) the criminal duo, and in The Naval Treaty, I particularly disliked the culprit.

Mary is kind of horrible for not saving her cousin, though. He's willing to go to jail for her (if I'm right) and she's just telling everyone 'oh, he couldn't have done it!' and not actually coming up with a good reason. She didn't even get interviewed immediately because she 'fainted'. She had plenty of time to come up with a story. Maybe being woken up by a loud snap and then hearing Arthur moving around. But no, she's instead trying to get her maid framed for it all.

You can really go off a girl.

“I think that this should do,” said he, glancing into the glass above the fireplace. “I only wish that you could come with me, Watson, but I fear that it won't do. I may be on the trail in this matter, or I may be following a will-o'-the-wisp, but I shall soon know which it is. I hope that I may be back in a few hours.”

Oh yeah, Holmes is in disguise in some attempt to win back the beryls.

I like how he says 'I wish you could come with me, Watson' but is vague on the why not. 'It won't do' - translation: you are a terrible actor and no one alive would ever be fooled by you, also you'd blurt something out right at an important moment and ruin everything.' Let's be real. We all know.

Watson is not made for undercover work. I love him, but he would be about as useful a spy as a giant panda in an aquarium.

Or Captain America in a trenchcoat. (I love this picture).

I waited until midnight, but there was no sign of his return, so I retired to my room. It was no uncommon thing for him to be away for days and nights on end when he was hot upon a scent, so that his lateness caused me no surprise.

Firstly, Watson is definitely living in Baker St atm. Either his wife is visiting her 'mother' again, or she's thrown him out. Also, him staying up until midnight although he knows that sometimes Sherlock doesn't come home for days is sort of nice, sort of a bit excessive.

Apparently Holmes does not need sleep. This is probably because he lives on tobacco, caffeine and cocaine. The fact he isn't constantly bouncing off the walls is impressive.

It was, indeed, our friend the financier. I was shocked by the change which had come over him, for his face which was naturally of a broad and massive mould, was now pinched and fallen in, while his hair seemed to me at least a shade whiter.

That's not how white hair works, Watson. It's not that all of your hair gets lighter... that's not... Fine. I guess you're the doctor.

This is quite a transformation overnight, though. I'd suspect poison if it wasn't fairly common in these stories for people to suffer massive and immediate health conditions from sudden shock.

“I do not know what I have done to be so severely tried,” said he. “Only two days ago I was a happy and prosperous man, without a care in the world. Now I am left to a lonely and dishonoured age. One sorrow comes close upon the heels of another. My niece, Mary, has deserted me.”

What you have done is be a massive idiot who doesn't understand the meanings of the words 'secure' or 'discreet'.

I'm still kind of mad at Mary for trying to pin her crime on someone else while simultaneously not offering her cousin who saved her ass any real help. BUT, having said that...

"I had said to her last night, in sorrow and not in anger, that if she had married my boy all might have been well with him."

Wow, dick move. Blaming her. Yes, I literally believe she is guilty and it is her fault entirely but Mr Holder here still believes her a perfect little angel woman, so going 'if you'd have married him, none of this would have happened'.

My dude. I had no sympathy for you. I am now in negative sympathy for you. All my care for the victims of this situation is going to Lucy, because all Arthur has to do to give himself a chance is tell the truth. Mary, if she hadn't tried to throw Lucy under the bus, I would be supporting completely.

I'm still supporting her, like 75%. I'm glad she's out of there. I hope this is one of the stories where the culprits never get caught and she and Sir George Burnwell (who maybe is not such a cad as I presumed) go on to steal many more priceless artefacts from rich people who don't take care of them.

Her letter is so fucking funny when read from the POV of someone who thinks she's guilty.

“‘My dearest Uncle: “‘I feel that I have brought trouble upon you, and that if I had acted differently this terrible misfortune might never have occurred. I cannot, with this thought in my mind, ever again be happy under your roof, and I feel that I must leave you forever. Do not worry about my future, for that is provided for; and, above all, do not search for me, for it will be fruitless labour and an ill-service to me. In life or in death, I am ever “‘Your loving “‘Mary.’"

"Hey Unc, Whoops, my bad! If I hadn't stolen the jewels with my lover then my cousin wouldn't have been arrested for stealing the crown jewels and you wouldn't be in trouble for having lost them. I feel so guilty that I'm running off with my lover, but it's okay because we've sold the jewels so we're rich! Gonna change my name and live a life of luxury in another country. Thanks for making this so easy for me. Love, Mary xxx'

Or... at least... that's how I read it.

“No, no, nothing of the kind. It is perhaps the best possible solution."

Holmes is with me on this. Mary needed to get out of that house.

“That would be unnecessary. Three thousand will cover the matter. And there is a little reward, I fancy."

A reward for finding the beryls. Is Holmes asking for the reward here or saying that Mr Holder will get the reward? Because Mr Holder deserves 0 rewards. No rewards for him.

"Have you your check-book? Here is a pen. Better make it out for £4000.”

Ah, no. Sherlock is getting the reward. Lolol. Well yeah, you deserve that.

£4000 is the equivalent of about £414,000 today. Which is an insane amount of money to write a cheque for. And it means that Burnwell and Mary (or whoever it was...) got away with the equivalent of over £300,000 which is a nice little amount. Holmes got the equivalent of £100,000 for a few days' work. Nice.

“You have it!” he gasped. “I am saved! I am saved!”

I mean... the coronet is still damaged. The police still had to get involved. I'm pretty sure the bank knows, and HRH Bertie knows and his mum the queen knows so... are you saved? Are you really? There's no way you can get your job back after you showed how utterly terrible you are at it. You clearly cannot keep a secret to save your literal life. The heir to the throne knows exactly how incompetent you are. This feels like 'I'm probably not going to be hanged for treason' not 'everything will be sunshine and kittens'.

“No, the debt is not to me. You owe a very humble apology to that noble lad, your son, who has carried himself in this matter as I should be proud to see my own son do, should I ever chance to have one.”

Substitute 'idiot' for 'lad' please. Very noble, sure. But don't get yourself thrown in jail for something that could genuinely be considered treason just because you want to protect a girl who doesn't love you back. Don't do it. It all sounds super romantic, but it's actually just dumb.

“You are sure of it! Then let us hurry to him at once to let him know that the truth is known.” “He knows it already."

Holmes, telling people in the right order. Yeah, he went to talk to the man who was falsely imprisoned before the idiot who was sort of responsible for him being there.

"...that which it is hardest for me to say and for you to hear: there has been an understanding between Sir George Burnwell and your niece Mary. They have now fled together.”

I'm glad Sir George turned out to be a good sort in the end. I was pretty sure he'd just done a runner and left her, but no. The couple who steals together stays together, and I think that's beautiful.

"Neither you nor your son knew the true character of this man when you admitted him into your family circle. He is one of the most dangerous men in England—a ruined gambler, an absolutely desperate villain, a man without heart or conscience. Your niece knew nothing of such men. When he breathed his vows to her, as he had done to a hundred before her, she flattered herself that she alone had touched his heart. The devil knows best what he said, but at least she became his tool and was in the habit of seeing him nearly every evening."

I mean, he could have just left her behind. Could absolutely be worse. Also, way to take away Mary's agency in the matter. She absolutely knew that stealing the crown jewels was against the law. That's not exactly a difficult one to work out. She made her choices. I support them fully (apart from Lucy). She's 24 years old. Earlier you called her old and now she's too young and naive to know what was going on? A four year old knows stealing is wrong. She conspired to steal (part of) the crown jewels and run off with them. She let her cousin take the fall for her and pointed suspicion at two other innocent people. The girl was not just a victim in this mess. Don't pretend like she didn't know what she was doing or getting into. She absolutely knew it. And she did it anyway. Get your heads out of the misogyny juice and just accept a woman can commit a crime.

Honestly, men get the credit for all female accomplishments. Lolol.

"His footmarks had pressed right through the snow, so long had he stood there. She told him of the coronet. His wicked lust for gold kindled at the news, and he bent her to his will."

Did you hear this conversation? Were you there? Was it recorded? How tf do you know that it was his idea and not hers? Maybe they planned it together. Maybe she was like 'hey, my uncle's an idiot who brought a 10 million dollar crown home and stuck it in his old desk that opens if you hit it in the right place, want to do a heist?' You weren't there. You've got no clue how it went.

I want to think you're saying all of this just to make Mr Holder feel less bad about it all. Just making stuff up and making Mary seem like an innocent victim in order to soothe him a little. Because you've got no evidence she wasn't just as culpable as Sir George.

"...walking very stealthily along the passage until she disappeared into your dressing-room. [...] Presently she emerged from the room again, and in the light of the passage-lamp your son saw that she carried the precious coronet in her hands. She passed down the stairs, [...] He saw her stealthily open the window, hand out the coronet to someone in the gloom, and then closing it once more hurry back to her room..."

Yup, you're telling me she was practically blameless and only did it because she was manipulated by the terrible, evil man, and she did the actual deed single-handedly and with no sign of doubt or hesitation? The equivalent of £10 million in her hands and she just walks to the window and passes it out? Yeah, she's absolutely a helpless naive victim. I totally buy that.

Or... y'know, Sir George actually is an archfey and he enchanted her to do it.

“As long as she was on the scene he could not take any action without a horrible exposure of the woman whom he loved."

I mean... I feel like he could have revealed himself and whispered 'Hey, Mary, what are you doing with that very valuable coronet?' and made her put it back by interrupting the whole affair. Rather than, you know... just standing back and watching.

“He could not explain the true state of affairs without betraying one who certainly deserved little enough consideration at his hands. He took the more chivalrous view, however, and preserved her secret.”

"He took the more chivalrous foolish view..." <- fixed it for you.

“It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Drink!

"But if it were the maids, why should your son allow himself to be accused in their place? There could be no possible reason."

"I went in the shape of a loafer to Sir George's house, managed to pick up an acquaintance with his valet, learned that his master had cut his head the night before, and, finally, at the expense of six shillings, made all sure by buying a pair of his cast-off shoes."

Who had 'to buy shoes' as the reason for the disguise? Because I definitely did not have that one. Oh, the good old days when people would turn up at your door to chat up your servants and buy your old shoes.

"It was a delicate part which I had to play then, for I saw that a prosecution must be avoided to avert scandal, and I knew that so astute a villain would see that our hands were tied in the matter."

But also, getting rid of something that identifiable would be a tricky business. They needed a buyer, you needed a secret. Mutually beneficial arrangement.

Holmes pointing guns at people off screen, why do you so rarely show us the action, ACD?

"‘Why, dash it all!’ said he, ‘I've let them go at six hundred for the three!’"

Omg. LOL. Nooooo. George. You were doing so well. You only got 600 for them? A fifth of what you could have got. My dude, my dude.

Mary, get a better guy. This one done fucked up. 600 might seem a lot for now, but it's going to disappear super quickly.

“A day which has saved England from a great public scandal,” said the banker, rising.

How? Like I said before. The police were involved. The coronet is still broken. How is this all being covered up so easily? A man has been arrested.

“I think that we may safely say,” returned Holmes, “that she is wherever Sir George Burnwell is. It is equally certain, too, that whatever her sins are, they will soon receive a more than sufficient punishment.”

...

Is this like 'she will be a ruined woman' kind of punishment, because...? Yeah, no. 'She's going to receive her karma because the guy will leave her and society is broken and punishes women for not being pure, virginal angels?' I do not like.

I reject your conjectured ending and substitute my own in which she and George (although he needs to get better at haggling, yikes) travel the continent and steal priceless artefacts together and she's the brains of the operation.

We're not going to leave it with 'despite the fact I have described this entire story as though she is the blameless, brainless puppet of an evil man, she will receive punishment for her naivete in the form of being "ruined" and all that comes with it.'

Fuck that shit. Mary has to bear some responsibility for her actions, and there's a decidedly creepy rapey sort of undertone to the implications here. Much ick. Do not like. Badass crime couple for the win.

Oh, next one is The Final Problem. I mean, of course I remember that one.

[sneakydraws]

incredibly dumb question (and bit nsfw) pls feel free to ignore; I've just realised reading war and peace just fried my remaining brain cells: if topping anatole just made andrey worse, do you think ever bottoming would fix him or? I was thinking it'd make him even worse but idk one should never doubt the healing powers of a prostate orgasm ig

ANON YOU *LITERALLY* HAVE NO IDEA HOW CORRECT YOU ARE IN ASKING THAT QUESTION. JOURNEY WITH ME BELOW THE CUT TO HEAR MY EXTENSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT ANDREI BOLKONSKYS SEX LIFE (spoilers i actually go more in depth about my interpretation of andreis psychological issues than ever but you have to get through the stupid sex stuff first. Sorry. Also I'm finishing writing this at the airport at seven am after not a lot of sleep so I take no responsibility for how coherent it may or may not be)

Ok I cannot emphasise enough that. Part of my initial take on Andrei (and a partial basis for my andretole au) was LITERALLY "guy who needs to get fucked but is too full of toxic masculinity to let anyone top him". Like, it's 1805 and everyone is obsessed with ancient Greece, they probably just started unpacking ancient Greek ideas about homosexuality, someone as proud, misogynistic and self-possessed as Andrei would absolutely see bottoming as some sort of shameful dishonour, if only subconsciously. (But like, if mercury was in Gatorade and the heavens collided and Pierre actually realised one day that Andrei has the hots for him and offered to top, Andrei would agree in a heartbeat because the thirst is even stronger than the internalised homophobia)

But silly sex headcanons aside I do think there's genuine psychology going on here so let me elaborate. I think Andrei is chronically incapable of being vulnerable with people. Even when making an effort to talk openly about his emotions (like in his first one on one with Pierre), he's very distanced from them, cold and disdainful. He talks about emotions but doesn't exhibit them. And if strong emotions of any kind threaten to get the better of him, he defaults to anger - see his anger at Lise in the same scene, his anger at Pierre after his refusal by Natasha and again before borodino - probably because anger feels easier and doesn't imply weakness like other emotions - sorrow, fear, regret - might. I mean in that scene after Natasha's refusal the narration openly states that Andrei hates being pitied... So like, if he can't bear to be vulnerable with others in life, how could he possibly do so in bed, right?

(Though I suppose it's not as clear cut as that because hatefucking Anatole IS a sign of weakness and feeling ashamed of it is also a sign of weakness and anatole's refusal to be bothered by it reminds Andrei of that fact every single day. He just can't win! Can't have shit in 1805 Russia!!)

All this being said, it's equally as important to my understanding of Andrei that he does WANT and even NEED to be vulnerable with someone. He wants to be able to trust and respect someone enough to lean on them and rely on them for comfort. I think that his extreme self-reliance and internal strength belie a deep-seated desire to have someone in his life who will render those traits unnecessary. Hold on I just realised Andrei has mommy issues uhh

In all seriousness tho. This is why those relationships Andrei tries to build fail, isn't it? He doesn't approach those people as equals, he wants them to be his superiors. Natasha can't just be a girl whose company he enjoys, she has to be his angel of rejuvenation and moral redemption. Speransky can't just be a man whom he respects, he has to be this flawlessly committed and morally upstanding reformer. And when he dares act like an imperfect human being, Andrei is totally turned off. His relationship with Pierre is actually probably the healthiest precisely because of its internal contradictions - he cherishes Pierre's earnestness and artlessness, but sees his naiveté and weak will, and therefore doesn't build him up to such an impossible standard of perfection as others.

(This actually contrasts in an interesting way with Pierre's (imo) final and most important transformation - that into someone who can acknowledge people's flaws and love them, without judgement or delusion. Very Christlike of him)

So um tldr. Yes Andrei SHOULD bottom (slash not be such a dom slash be vulnerable with anyone) and it WOULD fix him but also he'd need to already BE fixed for it to ever be on the table so like. F. He'll have to make do with blowing anatole's back out and hating himself for it, and count himself lucky that my stupid au gives him that much

[limelocked]

Actually here’s more fucking Martyn being The World propaganda

1 from what I remember of yogs tumblr of old is that Martyn’s fanon had him as some nature related creature due to the winter skin (Jack Frost during winter and then blooming again in spring) plus the whole us viewers being saplings thing

Martyn is the world because he is nature

2 this gets to be in this post too and not just in my tags on the last one but this is the first “dishonourable” win, all the others have been either agreed upon matches with rules (3rd life, last life) or an act of kindness (double life with Scott giving the shared victory to Pearl alone)

If we wanna be Christian about it (which I rarely do but we’re talking about the tarot deck which is very Christian here) then Martyn is the first winner to fall to worldly temptation, there was no nobility in this ending

This isn’t what the cards about, the card is about the end of a cycle according to the most popular interpretation, but it backs up my argument

It also kinda fits the celestial theme if you wanna go that way

[mutagn]

𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐀𝐍𝐃: 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘.

changed the whole layout of my day just to get on and make this post. anyway below the cut i'm going to outline all of the things i'm stealing from usagi's source material, usagi: yo.jimbo, to add to his 2003 characterization. i AM going to be pretty picky because i think it's fair to say that the character in 2003 is not exactly the character from the yojimbo comics - this is just to help flesh him out a little. bear in mind that usagi is canonically around 16 when we're introduced to him at the battle nexus tournament, so things will have to be adjusted from his canon proper in order for his age in the show to make sense. tws for death/death of a parent, murder, other various gritty samurai things.

usagi was raised as the only son of a village headman, though he did not spend much time at home. he loved and respected his father, and, later, was granted leave from his training to travel back to his home village and pay his respects at his father's grave.

at age 3, typical for most young boys being trained to be samurai, he was given his first wooden katana to train with. he learned to fence very quickly.

eventually he was sent, along with childhood friend/rival kenichi, to train at the dogora school of bushido. while travelling there, a group of dishonourable students set about attacking an old man (he's literally a lion) in the street. the old man held his own and beat the students despite being vastly outnumbered. usagi, enamoured with his technique and style, set about trying to convince this man to become his sensei instead.

the man (lion), katsuichi, initially refused to train usagi - until usagi convinced him by standing outside of his house, morning and night, for days on end, through rain and sun, displaying his tenacity and determination. he is so annoying i love him

usagi was katsuichi's only student, but he was mischievous and sneaky enough to make this poor guy feel like he had a whole class. stole a sword from a dead soldier once. nearly got his hand cut off trying to return it. just usagi things

around here is usagi's first foray into the battle nexus; he's 13, still training, and about to beef a fully grown dragon

when usagi 'graduated' at age 15 he was brought to a fencing tournament hosted by the dogora school and won the fuckin thing because of course he did. the last bout of the tournament was up against kenichi, who did in fact attend dogora school and became its top student. upon winning this tournament, usagi was gifted the daisho he uses still today; the katana, yagi no eda (willow branch) and the wakizashi, aoyagi (young willow).

the guy that intervened and stopped usagi getting his hand cut off for the thieving thing up there turned out to be the daimyo, mifune. he was in attendance at the tournament and was like. i gotta get this kid on payroll

so he did

im not giving this child a son. i just don't think that would be fair to anyone involved. jotaro i love you though good luck out there kid

it's just hit me now that they call usagi a 'ronin' during his introductory episode which means all of the trauma must have happened before he turned 16. this is the most miserable i've ever been

i won't even sugar coat it man ninjas were hired to assassinate mifune and killed his wife and son. this sparked a big war in which mifune was killed by a barrage of arrows on the battlefield. usagi had to perform his final duty, i.e cutting off this guy's head and burying it somewhere secret to save it from desecration

oh also one of usagi's closest friends goes turncoat that battle and runs away. dw though usagi murders him for it later!

happy 16th birthday usagi. do you want to go to the battle nexus tournament and get a boyfriend. cool

now we're all caught up. he's going to kill gunichi soon-ish. at around 17/18 i figure. after the events of samurai tourist.

[seriouslysam8]

Who do you think was more abused physically and mentally as a child, Sirius or Harry?

I have a friend from a very wealthy family and her parents don’t get on with her because of her beliefs. She’s not physically abused but mentally they berate her a lot and ignore her, but her git of a brother will get praised for the stupidest shit. I can see Sirius family do this and maybe use magic against him but I don’t see them physically abusing him because that would be the “muggle way” and we all know the Black’s were blood supremacist. When I say I think they would use magic against him I don’t think they would use the cruciatus curse because of the chance that it makes him mentally unstable. I feel like it’s a curse where the side effects are complex and they wouldn’t take the chance. They would consider it a dishonour to have a mentally disabled child. I could see them use the imperius curse or some memory altering spell to chance his views though.

We all know Harry was mentally abused from the books and having to live in a cupboard would have also made his self worth go down. There has been some indication for physical abuse with the way Vernon grabs him or pushes him around but I think it was something that was implied without saying so. He was also physically abused by Dursley and I feel like there was something more that happened with Vernon’s sister and her dog since it comes up in OTP than we’re aware of. What do you think?

I think Harry was definitely more physically abused than Sirius. I think Harry suffered a lot longer and at a much younger age than Sirius did.

I imagine that Harry was very neglected, unloved, berated, and physically abused. He was isolated from the rest of the family. I agree, I think there was some weird ass thing with Marge and her dogs, almost like she purposely made them attack him. We even know Marge hit Harry in the ankles with… a stick? I don’t remember when he was younger and winning musical statues.

Sirius I think grew up in a strict household. He was no doubt yelled at and possibly hit with a stinging hex or two when they think it was warranted (which it never was). I think once Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, the abuse just got worse and worse each year for him. When Sirius actively started speaking out against Walburga and Orion’s beliefs (in Petrichor it’s when Sirius is a third year that he starts actively picking fights with his parents over their ideals), the isolation and the berating really started to take form.

I will say, I have it all coming to a head in Bête Noire. I mean, there’s a heavy warning in the first chapter that the story will contain child abuse and practically torture. You will (if you chose to read) see the Blacks try to break Sirius into submission in that story. It’s horrific abuse, but it wasn’t that way his entire life. If that makes any sense.

I don’t want to say too, too much because I go into more detail of how Sirius grew up and then the breaking point in Bête Noire, but I think Harry had it generally worse and for a longer stretch of time.