#also this is definitely the first thing I can consider a professional performance gig

[articulately-composed]

I'm gonna be performing live at a homestuck event!!! If you're on the west coast or just wanna come fly out to promstuck, you should come see us!

GUEST ANNOUNCEMENT: We are so happy to announce that we'll be joined by some of the members of the modern iteration of BROADWAYSTUCK! Get ready for some of your favorite Broadwaystuck songs performed LIVE ON STAGE by DAVE, KARKAT, KANAYA, ARADIA, and VRISKA!

[carmenxjulia]

I put together a transcript of the 1 hour Q&A Interview the Carmen Sandiego Discord did with Abby Trott (Ivy) and Rafael Petardi (Chase Devineaux). All of the questions were submitted by server members. You can read everything below the break!

PizzaHorse:

Hello everyone! Please welcome Abby Trott and Rafael Petardi to our Q&A today.

Abby Trott:

Hiiiiiiiiiii!

Rafael Petardi:

Hello Bonjour!

PizzaHorse:

Let's get started. How did you get started as a voice actor? Was there anything that inspired you to pursue it as a career?

Abby Trott:

Oh MAN. Long story.

Rafael Petardi:

Mine is very short. I'm an actor and my agent started sending me on voice auditions and eventually I booked some!

Abby Trott:

This is a novel so I started typing it ahead of time, haha. I was an acting/theater major, and when I graduated from college I moved to Japan on the JET program to teach English because I wanted to travel so freakin' badly. I had never even been on an airplane. I was placed in rural Akita, (inaka), and absolutely LOVED it. The only problem was I wanted to be and actor/singer… womp womp. At that time, I also started to mess around with characters and voices - I would record voice memos and conversations with myself while driving around. One day, a friend was in the car and my phone was on shuffle and one of my "scenes" started playing - I was absolutely MORTIFIED. But that moment solidified for me that I need to move to the big ole city if I wanted to really pursue acting. I ended up heading to Tokyo, where I performed in children's musicals, and did other gigs here and there. That's where I started doing VO professionally! I was able to do some character voices for the shows I was in, and some other side projects. I realized how much I loved VO, and eventually decided to move back to the States to pursue it, since most English VO for games and animation is produced here.

When I moved back, I started searching online for VoiceOver opportunities, and stumbled across a contest hosted by Bang Zoom! Entertainment. I BARELY got my entry in on time. The contest took place over several months, and in the meantime, I moved to NYC and started taking VO classes. For the finale of the contest, they flew me to LA. I ended up winning! Still can't believe it. (O-O) I got to dub my first anime "Miss Monochrome," and realized that if I wanted to work in games and animation, I should probably move to LA… and the I DID.

THE END

PizzaHorse:

What do you think are the best and worst things about being a voice actor?

Abby Trott:

Oooh. The worst things? Job insecurity... constant rejection...

Rafael Petardi:

The incredibly talented and cool people you meet and work with.

What Abby said

Abby Trott:

The best things? Working with amazing people, AND it's so much fun - even auditioning is fun!

PizzaHorse:

How did you land your role on the show?

Rafael Petardi:

I auditioned

Got the job

pretty boring I know

Abby Trott:

I auditioned through my agency, and got a callback. I went to the callback and their note was "more Boston." Then I had a second callback and their note was "even MORE Boston." So I went WICKED BOSTON and got the job

PizzaHorse:

What was your favorite/the most fun thing to record (episode/scene/line)? Any least favorites?

Rafael Petardi:

For me, the funnest scenes to record are the ones I got to play opposte the incredibly talented cast.

The least favorite... did not have enough scenes with the Wonderful Abby Trott

Abby Trott:

Awww Rafe! Singing was the MOST FUN! The Karaoke Ep, and the choose-your-own adventure one, where we got to sing the theme! Mikey (Zack) was cracking me up constantly.

Least favorite was the last ep because I didn't want it to eeeeeend

PizzaHorse:

Were you allowed to suggest lines to be said by your character, or improvise the script at all if you thought something would add to the scene?

Abby Trott:

YUP! And Mikey and I definitely did, hahaa. It was encouraged. Always fun to see what they keep...

Rafael Petardi:

Yes we were. I improvised mostly sounds and noises. Words once in a while but not very often. Thank God for Duane

PizzaHorse:

What was the hardest part of voicing your character on Carmen Sandiego? Was there a particular episode that was difficult to record?

Rafael Petardi:

Keeping the consistency episode to episode of the Chase's accent, pitch and energy

I did not want hime to sound different ever

Abby Trott:

I think the hardest part was keeping up the EXTREME Boston accent. But it was also SUPER fun...

PizzaHorse:

What traits do you share or have in common with the character you play?

Rafael Petardi:

I am like Chase in the sense of a Dog with a Bone. If I get pasionate about something, I go to extremes. Abby Trott has scene this for example in my bread making endeavors

Also, I'm an idiot in life too sometimes

Abby Trott:

Ivy and I are both... from Mass! we both have brothers who we argue with but really do love when it comes down to it. We love chocolate, aaaaand... I think we're both brave. (brag?)

Can confirm Rafe is v. passionate about bread. And and idiot.

Rafael Petardi:

All True

PizzaHorse:

What character on the show would you voice if you had the chance?

Abby Trott:

Chase

Rafael Petardi:

I would love Maelstrom

Abby Trott:

Jk... Coach Brunt seems SUPER fun

PizzaHorse:

If you could meet a character from Carmen Sandiego in real life, who would it be and why?

Abby Trott:

Carmen! she is the coooooleeest. I'd ask her to teach me some tricks

Rafael Petardi:

Julie Argent. She's cute

PizzaHorse:

Which character do you think you are most like or that you most identify with?

Rafael Petardi:

CHASE

I think that's partly why we're doing the roles we do

Abby Trott:

I think Ivy, for real! Casting was ON IT. I can be serious when I need to be, but I'm a giant goofball (if you couldn't tell from my latest tweet/insta post...)

PizzaHorse:

Who is your favorite character, other than your own?

Abby Trott:

Mime. Bomb.

Rafael Petardi:

Other than my own? Hmmm... uuuh... mmmm. tough...

Abby Trott:

Seriously, I think Mime bomb is hilarious.

Rafael Petardi:

Yes Mime Bomb!

PizzaHorse:

Do you wish your character had more interactions with another character in particular?

Rafael Petardi:

Yes, I would love to interact with Ivy and Maelstrom

I think the interaction would be odd and awkward and funny

Abby Trott:

Yes. I would love to see how Ivy handles the specific VILE members... I would love to see IVY try to go to VILE academy...

PizzaHorse:

Are there any themes or lessons from the series that you would want people to remember?

Rafael Petardi:

yes, don't jump to conclusions and be an idiot

Abby Trott:

Yes! That! also, don't be evil. ALSO also, be loyal to your friends.

PizzaHorse:

Do you ever look at fan content?

Rafael Petardi:

yes all the time. It helps when I'm tagged rafaelPetardi on Instagram

Abby Trott:

Yes! I look at fanart sometimes, and see what cosplays are happenin'

Rafael Petardi:

I've posted many as well

Abby Trott:

Haven't read much fanfic... but I know it's out there.

PizzaHorse:

What did you think about your character's development and arc throughout the series?

Rafael Petardi:

I absolutely loooooooved Chase's arc

Love redemption stuff

he was just misguided

just was alway his thing

Abby Trott:

I love Ivy's journey - she really grew up, from a troubled kid to an adult, accepting responsibility and accepting new challenges. Donning the hat, if you will.

Rafael Petardi:

*justice as always his thing

PizzaHorse:

How do you feel now that Carmen Sandiego is at its end?

Rafael Petardi:

sad. miss evrybody so much

we will have to have a cast reunion when this pandemic thing is over

Abby Trott:

SAD! But grateful. It was THE MOST fun to record, and I wish it could continue forever.

Rafael Petardi:

I'm grateful too. yes

Abby Trott:

and YES reunion!

PizzaHorse:

Yesss can't wait for that group photo to pop up on social media!

Were there any moments in the series that had you legitimately emotional?

Rafael Petardi:

yes ofcourse

losing Julia was tough

Abby Trott:

A lot. But one that stands out for me is after Carmen gets stuck out in the snow, and is reunited with her crew. (:_;). Also the stuff with Shadowsan and his brother... and anything with baby Carmen...

Gah. So many...

PizzaHorse:

Did you enjoy how the show ended? Is there anything you would have changed or would have liked to see more of?

Rafael Petardi:

I loved the way the show ended! I think Duane did a fantastic job tying loose ends and bring the story to a satisfactory close for all characters

I do hope for an ACME Ivy, Zak, Julia and Chase spin-off

Abby Trott:

I love how it ends. I think it wrapped so well considering the number of eps - the writers really got it done. I WISH Ivy and Zack could follow Carmen forever, but she has her own story to unravel it would seem.

And Ivy does look good in that suit let me tell ya

PizzaHorse:

Can you share a favorite behind the scenes moment?

Abby Trott:

Mikey. Is. So. Funny. Hard to choose one moment - he would make me laugh harder than anything. Especially when we were singing. Or any time he had to gag...

Rafael Petardi:

OMG!

That singing stuff we had to do together was hilarious

we could not stop laughinh

PizzaHorse:

What, in your opinion, are the best pizza toppings?

Abby Trott:

Cheese. Caramelized onions. Roasted garlic. Spinach. Mushrooms.

Rafael Petardi:

buffala mozzarella and tomatos period

oooooo fancy Abby

Abby Trott:

Rafe why aren't you as obsessed with pizza as you are with bread? And can you be?

Rafael Petardi:

I am

Abby Trott:

!

Rafael Petardi:

I just don;t like to share pizza

PizzaHorse:

Here's a specific question for Rafael. Did you sometimes get mad at your own character for the way he behaved towards Julia earlier on in the Series?

And one for Abby. As a Massachusetts native, how did you feel about voicing a character from Boston with the iconic accent?

Rafael Petardi:

I did not. I always felt, however misguided Chase was, he was always on the path of turth and justice no matter what was in his way. It's the same principals that led hin to see the truth about Julia

*principles

Abby Trott:

I think it's so cool, and kind of an honor, in a way. I was worried about it being too much, and people saying it's over the top. Turns out comedy wins, haha.

PizzaHorse:

Were you familiar with the older animated series when you started work on the Netflix original?

Rafael Petardi:

I never heard of Carmen Sandiego before I did this series

Abby Trott:

Yes! I had seen a bit. I also remember watching my brother play the game. Someone gifted me a mini arcade version of the game this year, and I'm excited to play :slight_smile:

Rafael Petardi:

Which I think helped when I had to say the iconic line

"Where in th world..." there was no pressure

LoL

Abby Trott:

LOL

PizzaHorse:

Okay, last question. Do you have a favorite quote from the show?

Abby Trott:

"La Femme Rouge!"

or Mime Bomb's classic "..."

Rafael Petardi:

"the game is over!"

PizzaHorse:

Woohoo!

Abby Trott:

Hooray!

PizzaHorse:

Thank you so much Rafael Petardi and Abby Trott for joining us today! I hope everybody had a wicked awesome time.

Abby Trott:

Thanks for having us! What a pleasure.

Rafael Petardi:

It was great! Thank you to all the great questions.

Abby Trott:

Thanks for watching the show! Great questions. I'm sure I'm going to think of more quotes as soon as I log off... haha.

Rafael Petardi:

See you all soon!

Abby Trott:

Stay safe, take care, and see you all on various social media platforms!

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

- 

Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first) 

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year 

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos 

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear 

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways) 

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead) 

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school 

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but  was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges 

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places 

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class” 

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.” 

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch 

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week 

There’s two potential sides you can meet first: 

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related) 

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work 

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways   

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.) 

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break 

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;) 

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match 

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d) 

A night in the town with you is always a good night! 

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine 

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games  

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs 

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class 

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways 

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics 

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer 

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up 

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood) 

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself 

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead 

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too 

[elucere]

Sad Late August Quarantine Thoughts 2.0

Last year, I wrote this. Basically my thoughts on how I felt in my life up to that point and what quarantine had illuminated. It felt cathartic then, so hopefully it’ll feel cathartic now. A part of that probably had to do with the fact that the last part was complete bullshit, but we’ll get into that later.

At nearly the slightest inconvenience now, I’ll say “I’m at my limit”. Technically, that isn’t really true because if I was really at my limit, at the next inconvenience I would completely lose it. But no, I’m just simply reminding myself that while I’m constantly met with a series of unfortunate events, I haven’t broken down yet. I might feel like I’m there, but I’m not. I’m just at my limit. Things are bad, but they aren’t the worst they could be yet. So keep in mind, I am very much at my limit as I’m writing this.

Last year I talked about my struggles with my job. Yeah, I got fired in February. It was not pretty either. I knew I wasn’t doing well performance wise, and they invited me into a zoom call that they said was a project meeting a week before my year anniversary and fired me. My supervisor (or I guess, ex-supervisor) cried on call. I didn’t cry until afterwards. It was an entire year of me trying to get better, him promising that it’ll come with time, and then getting sacked because “we didn’t see improvements”. Really, really fucking sucked. And it messed with me for a long time because I kept replaying those last few weeks, trying to decipher what I could’ve done differently to prove my worth and keep my position. There was a lot. I felt really guilty.

I think the worst part is that I got a performance warning in December and realized at that point I’d become so apathetic about my job that I needed professional help. I’d been trying to go to therapy for a long time, but it never panned out. My mom forbade it when I was in high school, it was practically impossible to get an appointment at my college’s mental health facility unless you were considered a threat to yourself and others (which I most certainly did not want on my record), and after school life happened so fast with the pandemic and the fact that I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mom and my brother with very little privacy. Even now that I’ve convinced my mom that therapy is okay, actually, she still highly disproves and sees it as some sort of psychological failing on my part. Which is. Sure. Whatever. Why not.The reason I did not enroll in therapy that December is actually because my dad lost his job and with it, his health insurance, and with that, my health insurance. That means I had to enroll in a health plan through my employment, which became an unanticipatedly long process. I actually got my new-but-useless health insurance card in the mail a few days after I got fired. They actually fired me on the last day of the month, so my benefits wouldn’t extend beyond that month. That’s a bit of fun irony.

To quite a few of my friends, this story solidified the idea that insurance=therapy. As soon as I got insurance again, I’d be able to finally get some help. This was a couple of people’s first response to me when I got hired again (yay, I know I don’t have to worry about that anymore but I’m also afraid that I’ll just inevitably be fired again so I don’t let myself have the victory). I know my friends only want the best for me, and I can’t expect them be able to emotionally support me like a professional, but I’m afraid that they think that therapy will  be some sort of magical fix of sorts. I don’t mean in the sense of just getting better mentally, but I think being a tolerable person. I know that sounds like I’m just being self-depreciating, but let me explain.

A few years ago I was at dinner with one of my friends. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but she goes “name three things you actually like” because I was probably being negative or something. I said a few things and whatever, but that comment stuck with me for a long time. I thought it was especially poignant or something. Am I so unhappy all the time because I fixate on things I don’t like? It could be connected to the attitude of social media to be outwardly negative. Casual wisdom, you know.

Well, that was the fact until I was out with that same friend and we visited Barnes and Noble. I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading this year and got more involved in the book community, so I have many Opinions. Some are good, some are bad, some are just me being annoying. After an hour of browsing the shelves, we drive home. I start talking about a series I really like in the car and she goes “It’s nice to hear you talk about a book you actually like.” Which kind of stunned me because I had just did a lot of talking about books I liked. How happy I was that kids were still reading Rangers Apprentice, going out of my way to see how many Brandon Sanderson books I could find in the Adult Fantasy section, and more reminiscing in the Young Adult section about books I liked recently or as a teen. The truth is, I talk about stuff I like all the time to people who will listen. Ask me about my favorite books! My favorite movies! My favorite musicals! I promise I will not shut up. It’s one of the few things I have that lift my spirits when I talk about it, I just don’t get the opportunity to much because it’s hard to find people who want to listen.

The thing is, I’m naturally a critical person, I think. I love tearing things apart, in good and bad ways. I also love gossip. I’m an okay gossip, but I know at this point that I’m a good critic. I’m really good at identifying faults and commenting them on an insightful or constructive way. I edit a lot of my friends’ writings for this reason. I don’t find that to be anything negative, it’s just something that’s interesting to me. Basically what I’m saying is, what if it’s not mental illness and I’m just annoying and I’ll not be able to meet the expectations of other people’s idea of progress for me and I’ll be a disappointment. I’m kind of tearing up while typing that out while listening bopping to Disturbia by Rihanna but this is the third time I’ve been on the verge of crying today so yaknow maybe it is just mental illness.At this point, I can either talk about criticism in relation to the particular way I dish it, or I could talk about how I want to receive it. I think the former will take less time to elaborate, so I’ll start with that.

I mention last year how I got an unpaid gig as a critic for DiscussingFilm. Embarrassing at times, I joke with my friends that “DiscussingFilm Writer” is a slur, but it’s cool at times as well. I got a press pass to go to Sundance and gorged on an entire family sized bag of peanut M&Ms while I watched like 14 movies in one weekend. I’m trying to say positive things about this until I start ragging to prove that I’m not an overwhelmingly negative person, but I don’t think that’s working well. Whatever. The point is, if I didn’t like it I would quit, but if I did quit it wouldn’t be because I didn’t like it. It would because there was an…event. I had quite a falling out with one of the higher-ups that run the site and in response my work has taken a hit. I won’t go into too much detail, but I don’t get assigned anticipated releases anymore. My work is often delayed going out and, in turn, I feel less motivated to turn in my work on time. And then on top of that, it’s rarely promoted. I have examples on top of examples, but this stupid thing is getting long enough. To summarize the DiscussingFilm situation, I feel like shit. I have one of the lowest view counts on the site. I’m told that my work is good and it’s valued, but not enough to get reposted, I guess! Why bother. And also because the person I do not work well with is quite up in the food chain, I’ll never see a promotion. I wanted to become an editor so bad (I do editing on the side for my friends and enjoy it), but now it will never ever happen. I don’t have the opportunity to prove myself, it’s just completely off the table by nature of leadership. Ass. Complete ass. I’m doing quite a bit of work for DiscussingFilm including creating the standard for the Instagram, making graphics for the Instagram, performing interviews and writing reviews for the site, and co-hosting a DiscussingFilm branded podcast, and I will never see neither a dime for my work or recognition in any meaningful or significant way. I don’t have a say in anything, and I feel like an insignificant cog whose opinion does not mean much.

I still get insecure with my reviews, but not as much anyways. Sure, I can’t compare to the great writers at trades who do this for a living and have been doing so for years. But, I am better than a lot of writers at my level. Sometimes I try pitching to other publications, but so far I’ve only been met with rejection. It kinda stings to know that my work is not worth enough to be paid for, but I’m kinda over it. I still pitch. I try my best. That’s the thing about me, I just keep going. Rejection hurts like a bitch, but whatever. I don’t want to quit just yet, so I guess I won’t. There isn’t anyone in my corner who’s actively spurring me to keep going, I’ve just decided that I’ll get paid for my work one day and so now I will.This connects with the criticism I want to receive which unfortunately very much is not of the nonfiction variety. Ew I fucking hate talking about this but I need to get it off my chest.

After I got fired, I was slipping into quite a bit of a depression. I started a podcast at this time with my friend to try and prevent that, but I knew that I probably needed another project. I wasn’t watching movies anymore, DiscussingFilm was not publishing my shit, and all I was doing all day was reading (which I don’t anymore, I’m in a slump and it’s definitely connected to the idea I have in the next sentence). So I had the brilliant idea of “hey, I could do that. I could write a book. I should do it to do it.”You see, this has not been my only attempt at writing a proper book. I tried when I was 13, I tried when I was 15 and into online literate roleplay, I tried when I was 18 by doing NaNoWriMo in college (also, I was actually more depressed then). I also tried to get into a short story class in college that you had to submit a story to get into and didn’t even make it on the waitlist. Nothing stuck. But hey, I was unemployed and I came up with a funny premise that I wasn’t too attached to, so why not?

The book is not funny. It was supposed to, but it’s changed a lot. I’m very comfortable writing in camp. It’s difficult because I know sometimes I have my moments, but often I don’t. I also chose to write it in a genre I’m not super familiar with (Young Adult contemporary, I read Young Adult and Adult fiction primarily). I didn’t expect it to be easy, but the things I thought would come easily did not come easily. I have a lot of male friends, so I could certainly write the male characters as real people, right? Right? I’m funny, so the humor would come across well, right? Did I anticipate that after years of pretty much only analyzing films critically I’d subconsciously structure my story using dialogue-driven storytelling similar to a screenplay? No! Not at all, actually! This journey of self-discovery has been ass at every corner!

I recognize that first drafts are shit and authors hate their writing, but also I’m built different, your honor. By 15k words in, I realized I needed an outside perspective. I hated my own writing and I was afraid none of the characters were coming off right. I needed feedback, and I still do. But I hate being perceived. As long as no one reads my writing, they think that I know what I’m talking about and value my opinion on their writing, but once they figure out I’m just an Imposter then it’s game over. They’ll lose respect for me. Logically, I know this isn’t how this works, but I feel physically nauseous whenever someone reads my writing.

Anyways, back to my much-needed criticism. To make a long story short involving several English teacher that caused me to quit pursuing writing altogether in my formative years and decide to switch to a STEM track, I have very little tangible self-awareness of my own writing and how to improve it. I need the outside feedback, or at least I did. I’m 60k words into my first draft now and I’m cripplingly self aware of all my errors, but it feels too little too late. 60k words are a lot of words, and it feels not great knowing that most of them are trash. I really needed this kind of feedback earlier in the process so I could make tweaks early on. I know that writing is like a muscle and you need to work it out and practice to get stronger, but fuck man, FUCK. 60k words is a LOT of words. And I still need people to read it and give me feedback and I’m literally willingly asking people to read shit. It’s so humiliating. I guess I’m just at a point where I wish I could look at it and find something of value in what I’ve written.

I see other authors and I get so jealous. At their confidence, at their lyricism, their mastery of the art, their enthusiasm for their story, their love of their characters. I don’t have that. I’m not even talking about imposter’s syndrome. I know what that feels like. This is something else. I just wish I was the kind of person who could openly be creative without wanting to die. I’m 100% sure if I could be enthusiastic about the story I want to tell, the entire thing would be better. It’s crazy how I noticed that I’m not writing any metaphors into realizing that’s directly connected with my inability to be vulnerable and that I’m detaching myself from my work. That, and the fact that I’m fucking shite at writing metaphors apparently.

It also doesn’t help that I don’t have a writer group of friends and very little people to talk about this with, none of which are like… enthusiastic. It’s not their fault. I attract people into my life who are very much like me. They’re supportive and wonderful but I need someone who’d be excited to talk to me about it. I just feel like such a huge burden all the time. Everytime I bring it up I feel terrible, but it’s occupying so much of my brain space and I have no outlet. But also, getting that group of friends would require me to be vulnerable online and be willing to share what I have so far which I might actually throw up.I think it’s very fun that “crying and throwing up” has become a saying on Twitter considering that I’ve counted a countless amount of times this year and thrown up from stress four times since last November. It might also be connected to coffee consumption, but if that’s true I’m ready to off myself because coffee is one of my few joys. Honestly, it’s probably a mix of both. I’m very healthy, very much okay.

I don’t know. Last year, I ended my little essay on a hopeful note. Here’s the thing, this may seem like very much just stream of consciousness bullshit but there is quite a bit of structuring I do and omissions I make. I didn’t talk about my struggles reconnecting with people and subsequently taking their irregular replies, because there’s a lot to get into there. There’s a lot I could’ve talked about, but no room. There’s a very specific flow, and I feel like any story, it needs a conclusion. So last year, through tears, I wrote a hopeful ending. It was as much for me as it was to the people reading it. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in it for me to conclude in the same fashion this time around.

The truth is, I need to feel okay. I need to feel like I’m good at something, anything, and be recognized for it.

Life is suffering and I’m just constantly going through the motions. I promise you, this stupid thing is 3k words and the second I’m done I’ll go back to working on my b**k even though today I literally started crying thinking about how shit it is. I’m just a tenacious individual. I persist. I don’t feel good about it, and I’m done with being genuinely hopeful, but there’s nothing to do but keep moving. I don’t know if my writing will get better or if I’ll ever get published or if this story is worth it. I don’t fucking know anything and I feel like shit. But what else am I going to do? I’ve been holding onto this hope that I’ll feel better about things for just so long and it hasn’t happened. But I’m not giving up lmao I’m just working with what I have. I am at my limit.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

[taeguboi]

BTS as... Rockers

Ngl, I panicked a little when I checked on the masterlist because an older post about BTS as rock band members was labelled as this title and I’d already written this one for like 3 members already. There’s various genres I mention, some of which are also metal and pop but I thought a simple general title would be best here.

Anyways, my second post coming back recently. Hope you enjoy.

RM

Mainly a classics man

Loves to analyse lyrics

and loves writing his own lyrics based on his current favourites

It’s like a form of literature to him

Loves to chill out to prog and psychedelic rock

Accidentally had the same music tastes as that weird geography teacher in school

Probably has a pet named after a member of a power / symphonic metal band

sorry I’m a bit of a Nightwish nerd and now I can just imagine him calling for his dog “Floor!” and everyone getting confused because they think he’s just shouting at the ground

this is the kind of genre he likes the most other than classic rock; that’s where the most literature references are. It’s poetry about poetry

Has a journal of art and lyrics quotes for when he’s super into a song

Could be mistaken for a geek in school 

because to a juvenile ear, his taste in music might be challenging to listen to

like no one else had the patience aged 12 to listen to a 9 minute song or an instrumental track

and then even at 15/16, how many people your age would listen to Dark Side Of The Moon?

Guess he would say music is all about sitting back and listening and taking it in

Would love to be a songwriter for the right kind of singer

unfortunately though, he’s a bit of a loner

likes his own company too much

it’s probably the solitude that motivates him to write 

too many more friends than he already has would be too much of a distraction

It’s not a sad situation though

music is what Namjoon loves the most

and “nothing else matters”

Oh yes, let’s have a bit of Metallica in there too

It’s not until he finishes school that he becomes more in touch with what people in the current world of rock and metal like

discovered “Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit like WAY too many years after it came out

“Have you heard this ace song man?”

“yep... in 2004 dude”

“oh”

But he’s no ashamed or anything, no

He’s proud to be a fan of the bands he likes

even if they aren’t to everyone’s tastes

“Well, sorry if this isn’t some 3 minute long four chord song repeating the same 5 words”

If they don’t appreciate it, their loss

Jin

The old ones are the best ones

Think 50s rock n’ roll; Little Richard, Elvis, and so on

mixed with guilty pleasures of songs about ‘my baby girl’

Loves themed music nights

Whilst of course his favourites are the 50s themed ones

he also loves showing up to 60s nights to flaunt the flower power

or 80s nights in a fun wig as some member of a hair metal band

all the styles are very fun

but on a daily basis, he’s basically dresses like a teddy boy

tight trousers with white socks peaking out

jacket - sometimes a suit jacket, sometimes denim

as you can imagine, when a lot of this stuff comes back in fashion...

“Well, I did it first...”

you know, in this era he means he did it first

Loves a good finger clicker song

Once considered doing a tribute act around pubs and clubs

but he couldn’t decide who he wanted to be

Probably should take a role in some live production of Grease

he’s seen it enough times

and he can sing

He reckons he could never do theatre for long though

his fantasies are with playing instruments to perform

talented keyboard player

starting to get the hang of guitar too

but he does get carried away whilst trying to learn guitar

because he wants to add on all the cool moves NOW

He’s got some bangers he created on the keyboard though

he didn’t really intend to create original songs

it just happened one day after a break up

and he listened to Heartbreak Hotel

too many times

he just sat at his keyboard

and made something that really felt special

and then the day after that, he made a more upbeat song

and the week after that, he has 4 full songs in total

Open mic nights become something he enjoys 

a bit of a local celebrity

“Would you play my grandma’s 80th party? Pleeeease?”

and aww bless him, he plays all the throwback songs at care homes

all free of charge

slips in some of his original music too

“Ooh, I’m afraid I don’t remember that one dear, must be my brain”

“Oh, no no no” explains Jin “I made it myself”

Old dears just love him basically

but so do the girls his age

Whilst some think the whole 50s get up is a bit lame

some go wild for it

because he dons all his outfits so well

and his songs feel so true to the era they were inspired by

you gain a love for the 50s just from watching Jin

Talented boy, keeping the 50s alive

Suga

A lot say Yoongi has an acquired taste

an electronic element to rock or metal always makes it more interesting to him

loves industrial music - NIN for days

Linkin Park made most of his jams

cried for half a day at the news of Chester no longer being with us

Likes a bit of new wave, synthpop, all that

emo songs just help you through the bad times okay

Can equally enjoy a dub festival as much as a rock concert

some people think his taste is actually naff

but then they realise he also listens to the likes Foo Fighters or Sum 41

Plays like the same 30 songs on repeat

but his collection has so much more

He has some rock and blues for the road trip

he’s got your 70s singalongs for the party

Was briefly a DJ at a rock bar

got fired for not playing enough popular songs in his set

“wtf I thought this was a bar where people could appreciate this” huffs Yoongi

“yes but people want to sing to ‘down with the sickness’ or something, not ‘down in the park’!”

“stuff you then, I’ll take Gary somewhere else with me”

guilty pleasure: Kate Bush

A somewhat gothic sense of style

but not overwhelmingly gothic

He likes bandannas and black clothes

not always in black clothes though

sometimes the merch he wants just isn’t available in black

but no worries

as long as he can happily flaunt the music that makes him who he is

J-Hope

Can listen to any rock genre

give him something and he probably already loves it

So yeah, the band members are pretty cool and all that

but what Hoseok has more interest in the backstage roles

he’d love to manage a rock band

be a tour manager

guitar tech

Much knowledge is stored in that brain of his

and he wants to put it to good use

He starts out as a promoter and organiser for the rock bar in town

which he eventually lives above 

His events are ace

he can pick out fresh talent that everyone on that scene can enjoy

His showcase nights are the place to be

everyone can agree, he’s got amazing taste

no one can disagree with him

He’s a one man show and still managed to pull it off

he’s the promoter, the sound guy, the tech on all the instruments

way more professional than most other local music events

He takes pride in his work

did I mention he’s so good, it becomes a full time job?

As time goes by, he listens to less and less older music

but that’s okay

he’s happy with the time it takes to listen to all the up and coming bands

in the moment is where you should live

and he can still appreciate a band’s influences should they initiate conversation

“man, this dude really knows his stuff”

“will you manage our next tour?”

“can you do sound at our next gig? our guy’s rubbish”

and that one is like right in front of their current sound guy

The future is bright for Hoseok

his love for rock music could really earn him a solid living

Jimin

Some say he’s a bit of a poser in his leather jacket

but he really does love his rock music

Sometimes a bit behind on modern rock bands or releases

Low key wishes he was born in the 50s / 60s 

just so he could live in his favourite eras

his heart really lies with the classics

60s, 70s, 80s.

90s at a push

not the later 90s where grunge bands did pop

ew

actually any movie made in that time makes him cringe

like he’s all up for good clean fun

but christ it’s like they were trying to go back to the 50s or something

not everything is ‘swell’ you know

Don’t get him wrong though

he does also like some 50s music

He may or may not have spent that one time acting like Elvis in the mirror

it really hyped him up before a night out though

it may or may not have become a thing before going out in the evenings to boost his confidence

His all time favourite bands have to be The Rolling Stones and AC/DC

and no, he couldn’t pick between the two, ever

Doesn’t really have a desire to be in a band

but sort of accidentally picks up the bass to help out a mate in a band

and sort of accidentally becomes a permanent member

It’s just a cover band

but it’s so much fun

Sometimes, you can have a really bad day

and then listening to 23 people singing “I Love Rock n Roll”

kind of lifts your mood

“Play Wonderwall!”

gets a bit annoying to him

kind of wants to hit that one guy around the head with his bass

but he holds back

Because being aggressive wouldn’t be very rock of him

and whilst he does like punk music

he’s definitely not a punk

Screw all that political rubbish

music should be to enjoy yourself with

stop worrying about the world for one minute and

let’s sing about whiskey and cigarettes and just living life

“What do you MEAN you don’t know any Def Leppard songs?”

“For crying out loud!”

He tries to understand that not everyone will listen what the music he likes

“but... like seriously, how can you not though?”

V

Probably likes all the underrated bands

Loves vinyl

definitely collects vinyls

Likes to shop at vintage stores to fulfil his obscure taste

People are like “you paid £60 just for that?”

but to Tae, it’s worth every penny

He likes the classics too

he can sing along in a rock bar to all the well known tunes

old or modern

and there may be loads in his vinyl collection barely anyone recognises

but there’s some more familiar faces too

there’s The Beatles, Guns n’ Roses, Foo Fighters, anything like that

it’s just only like 20% of his huge collection

Whilst his style is inspired by those he idolises...

he can never copy them

that would be an insult to them and his originality

Plays guitar and writes songs

never anything soppy though

actually fairly hesitant to pick up an acoustic guitar

always plays electric

and the songs he makes are about having a good time, life experiences

but not about love

He can listen to a couple of cheesy tracks

he just won’t make any

“Who the heck is John Otway, Tae?”

“Oh, you know, Wild Willy Barrat”

“Willy who?”

“Cor baby, that’s really free!”

“....”

“Headbutts! da da da da da... Headbuttttsssss”

I feel like rocker V loves anything that feels slightly random

probably make his own secret songs that sound silly to others

Probably has a band that never gigs

it’s him singing and playing guitar

and a bassist and drummer that aren’t really sure why they’re here

but they kind of like the unique stuff he does

and the band is almost purposely bad

“It’s the imperfections that really give a song character”

Jungkook

Modern rock and metal

low key emo

Tears Don’t Fall by BFMV on repeat aged 14, his first break up

Lives for festivals

like when he goes to work, that is what he is earning money for

well, that and bills and food

has a jar for each festival he wants to go to this year

Also loves a bit of melodic punk

like when that one Australian band are finally coming to his country

he HAS to go

help me I’m really sad because this is me and The Decline were supposed to be coming to the UK and then this pandemic happened and now I might never see them criii

Has a playlist for every aspect of life

every feeling, every colour, every occasion

songs that remind him of a time, ones where he can visualise a colour...

many people don’t get it

“how many playlists?”

“how can a song be a colour?”

it just is

like come on, listen to this Red Jumpsuit Apparatus song 

and tell him this doesn’t remind you of gold

Could be a journalist

knows everything and anything about his favourite bands

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

because it’s the perfect mixture of everything he loves about music

vests because M.Shadows

So badly wants to be in a band

tries every instrument you could find in a typical rock band

loves the drums

gets stuck on guitar though in his first band

well, he was just desperate to go gigging

he left after a year and a bit though

got boring

forms his own band instead around him being on the drums

Lives for this band

it’s like a rock band but with political lyrics

and they can perform at most events

they just fit any bill

gigs are booked almost every weekend

road trip with the lads

they travel like 50 miles just to be paid in beer only

Dreams of big time collaborations

that will probably never happen and he knows that

but it’s nice to dream, right?

puts on his own gigs a few years down the line

of course his own band are always on the bill

everyone thinks his gigs are a hoot

He even manages to book some lesser known punk bands 

but they are a massive deal to him

“God, I love live music!”

“Do you always wear a black shirt guk?”

“Hey, I’m a drummer! It’s hard work; a lot of sweat involved... I’m sure no one wants to see my wet pits whilst trying to enjoy the show”

and then that person wishes they never asked...

but he’s right

he knows that a good band is all about the hard graft and work

and he is always so thankful for the great rock bands that influence him

[rushingheadlong]

And I Get Afraid - A Queen gen fic

Summary: Queen has come to a standstill as they try to get their debut album released, and John seems to be the only one left who isn’t optimistic about their chances for success. Now with his graduation quickly approaching, he finds himself struggling to decide between sticking by the band- and his friends- or leaving this sinking ship while he can still make something of his future.

Wordcount: ~4,500

Notes: Queen I was finished by November 1972 and was released in July 1973, and I got pretty emotional thinking about what that 8-month gap must have been like for the band. So this is the result of that.

I have no idea when John actually graduated, but spring of 1973 seems pretty plausible for me so that’s what I’ve gone with here. The fic itself is set in roughly May 1973.

(Title from The Night Comes Down - “And I get afraid of losing my way”. Also posted on AO3 here.)

There’s something strange, John decides, about a band rehearsing with no shows lined up. It’s been ages since their last gig, with no new ones yet on the horizon, but they meet every week without fail in the old practice room at Imperial College, as if they’re still just a student band and not nearly-signed to a label with an album already recorded.

Or maybe that’s the real oddity of their current situation. They finished recording their album months ago but it has yet to see the light of day. They’ve signed a preliminary deal with Trident but until they have a record company willing to release the album there’s little more that they can do except wait.

Queen is stagnating, though John knows better than to say as much aloud. They can’t do a proper tour without an album to promote, so they still work the same uni circuit with the same songs that they’ve performed countless times already. Brian and Roger have been playing Doing All Right for nearly five years now, and John wonders which will be retired first: the song or Queen herself.

The others have started writing new material and it all sounds good so far, but nothing can get recorded until their first album is released. And no one will release their album unless they have a sizeable following, but Queen can’t book larger venues without a record deal to prove their validity, and the whole damn process is so circular that John is beginning to see why so few bands actually seem to make it.

If the others are feeling as adrift in all this as John in, they don’t show it. Roger and Freddie are as dedicated as ever, scraping a living with their stall and saving money by sharing a flat, and Brian still has his thesis to occupy his spare time. The three of them are seemingly unchanged, unphased, unworried about anything, and John has to wonder how they do it when every day he finds himself more and more unsure about where this is all going.

A loud, discordant twang interrupts their playing - and John’s thoughts - and John doesn’t have to look over at Brian to know that he’s caught a string wrong on the edge of his sixpence and broken it.

“Shit. Sorry, sorry, just give me a moment…” Brian mutters, already unplugging his guitar and hurrying over to grab a new string.

Freddie waves off his apology, unbothered by the disruption. “No rush, darling, we’ll just take it from the top when you’re ready.”

“Actually, I have class soon. I’d better get going,” John says as he catches sight of the time. He’s been with Queen for two years and it still feels awkward having to duck out of practice like this, especially now that he’s the last one attending regular classes instead of whatever erratic schedule Brian has adopted with his thesis work.

“Perfect. I think if I had to play for one more minute my arms were going to fall off.” Roger grins at John as he stands from behind his kit, stretching out his arms and back with an exaggerated groan.

“John, do you have a second before you leave?” Freddie asks, ignoring Roger’s theatrics. “We need to discuss our schedules so we can start booking shows again.”

“Fucking finally!” Roger says loudly, his eyes shining bright with excitement of the prospect of performing live again. “Listen, I know a guy, he can get us something for next week-”

“Take it easy, Blondie,” Freddie says with a laugh. “Just because you have no prior obligations doesn’t mean our schedules are free.”

“Our schedules?” Roger echoes. “Don’t try to lump yourself with Brian and John, I know what your fucking calendar looks like, Fred!”

“I have exams starting in a few weeks,” John cuts in before Roger and Freddie can continue their friendly bickering. “If we can keep the shows local…”

“We don’t have to schedule anything at all until the semester is done.” Brian looks up from his guitar and asks, “You’re graduating soon, aren’t you?”

John nods, though his stomach rolls with anxiety at the reminder that the end of his university career is approaching at a frankly terrifying speed. “Yeah, in June.”

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Freddie scribble down a note on a scrap of paper. It’s the only chance the singer has of remembering anything, but John isn’t optimistic that he’ll manage to keep track of the paper at all.

“We’ll have to throw you a proper celebration next month then,” Freddie says, and John has no doubt that he fully intends to do just that. “What about after you graduate, though? Any plans for the rest of the summer?”

That’s the question that John has been trying to answer for most of the semester so far, but he’s still no closer to figuring out what his next steps should be. “Nothing yet, no,” John says as he busies himself with packing away his bass, rather than looking at the others.

“Perfect,” Freddie says. That is definitely not the adjective John would have used, but he doesn’t feel moved to offer any alternatives. “Brian? What about you, any plans?”

“No.”

There’s a beat of silence in the practice room after that curt response, noticeable enough that John looks up and glances over at Brian. He’s still fiddling with his guitar, though the new string is already in place, and he radiates a discomfort that can almost be physically felt.

John’s curiosity is piqued and he’s apparently not alone, because Freddie keeps pressing the issue. “What about for your thesis? Don’t you have to go back to Tenerife or something?”

“No. I’m, ah-” Brian shifts and finally looks up, locking eyes with Freddie. John watches as some silent conversation takes place between them, something that he can’t quite figure out even after two years of knowing them.

Still, it must somehow reassure Brian because after several long moments he sighs and says, “My thesis advisor recommended that I stay in England this year. He thinks I have enough research already, and that I should take the summer to either make substantial progress on writing my thesis or… or figure out where my priorities actually lie.”

“What does that mean?” Freddie asks.

It’s Roger who answers the question first. “It means he’s thinking of giving up on his thesis.”

“Not giving up, just…” Brian huffs, looking for the right explanation. “I’m already focusing more on the band anyway, and when the album is released we’ll have to do a proper tour to promote it so I’ll have even less time for my studies. It may be better for me to get my research in order and, well, set it aside for now.”

That sounds like giving up to John, and it’s the last thing he ever expected to hear Brian say. He feels a little like his world has been turned upside and he realizes, with a slow, sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, that this might make him the last member of Queen to have reservations about their future together as a band.

“I haven’t decided anything yet, obviously,” Brian continues, unaware that John feels suddenly lost in both this conversation and this group. “But it is something that I’m thinking about.”

“Well, I think taking the summer to consider your options sounds like a wonderful idea,” Freddie says, his voice both bright and firm enough to leave no room for one of Brian’s darker moods to creep in. “We’ll just schedule a few shows here and there to get back into the swing of things and give you time to think things over. Does that sound good to everyone?”

Brian just nods, and Roger says, “Yeah, that sounds fine. Doesn’t make much sense to do a larger tour while most people are off on summer holidays anyway, and with any luck the album will be out by the time the fall semester starts up.”

For a moment John can’t find his voice, struck senseless by the feeling of being an outsider in this band long after he managed to carve out a niche for himself. Only this time he doesn’t feel alone because he’s the newcomer, but because he’s seemingly the only one who can see how ridiculous it sounds to be discussing a possible tour for an album that’s been sitting untouched for over six months now and shows no signs of getting released any time soon.

“Fine by me,” John forces himself to say, because it’s the expected response and it’s easier than trying to break down his maelstrom of emotions into something the others would be able to understand. “But I’ve really got to run now, so…”

The others wave him off with a flurry of goodbyes, and John ducks quickly out of the building and into the bright afternoon light. He takes a deep breath and exhales shakily, and realizes almost as an afterthought that his whole body is trembling with the lingering anxiety from the conversation that just happened.

He fumbles for his pack of cigarettes and, after several failed attempts to get one lit, he ducks around the corner of the building to get out of the wind. The rush of nicotine eventually calms the tremors but it does nothing to quiet his thoughts, and he lights another cigarette after finishing his first even though he knows it won’t help like he needs it to.

The only thing that will help is to finally decide what to do about his future, but the choice isn’t as simple as choosing between Queen and starting a professional career. It’s choosing between his friends and his music, and something foreign and unknown. It’s choosing between an assurance of security and stability, and a band that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere at all.

He loves Queen with all his heart, but that doesn’t drown out the voice that tells him to be practical here. He wishes it could. He wishes that he could have the confidence in Queen that the others all seem to have, that Brian has somehow managed to finally find… but he doesn’t. And he thinks he hates himself a little bit for that.

“John?” It’s Roger, holding his own pack of cigarettes in his hand, and giving John a look of understandable confusion. “I thought you had class?”

“I do- I did.” John flicks away his cigarette butt and, after a split-second of consideration, lights a third one. “I think I might be skipping today.”

“Huh. That’s a bit unusual for you, isn’t it?” Roger lights his own cigarette and takes a long drag. “You’ve always been more like Brian, taking your classes seriously and all,” he adds.

“Yeah, well, Brian’s apparently not taking things too seriously anymore himself,” John mutters.

Roger gives him a sideways glance. “Is that what’s got you all out of sorts? That Brian’s thinking of quitting his thesis?”

“Who says I’m out of sorts?” John knows that the deflection won’t work with Roger, but he still has to try it anyway.

“You’re out here chain-smoking and dodging class,” Roger says. “If that doesn’t scream “out of sorts” for you then I don’t know what does.”

John shrugs, noncommittal, and ignores Roger’s huff when he realizes that he’ll have to wait for an explanation. It’s not that John doesn’t want to talk about this; truthfully, he thinks it’ll do him some good to finally get this off his chest. But he’s kept this to himself for so long now that finding the right words is unexpectedly difficult.

“Brian said he’ll have to quit his studies to tour when the album gets released. Not if it does, but when,” John says at last. He knows that there has to be a better way to start this conversation, but Brian’s words are still fresh in John’s mind and this is the only place he can think of to begin.

“So what? Is it a crime for him to finally have a bit of optimism?” Roger asks.

“No, of course not,” John says, rolling his eyes at Roger’s flair for the dramatic. “It’s just, I’m not sure that I feel the same.”

“Oh.” John knows that Roger has more to say on the matter than just that, and sure enough after a moment he launches into an impassioned - though rather predictable - speech. “I know it’s been slow going these last few months, but the album’s going to be picked up sooner or later! It’s good stuff, you know it is, it’s just a matter of finding the right record company to work with to get it released. You’ve just got to be patient-”

“I have been patient,” John interrupts. “I’ve been patient for the last six months, and it was fine while I was in uni and when I wasn’t the only one still studying. But now Brian’s thinking of quitting his thesis and I’m… I don’t know that I’m as committed as you lot are. All I know is that I’m graduating next month, and I can’t keep my life on hold forever while Queen still waits for her big break.”

Roger isn’t an idiot and he immediately reads between the lines of what John is saying, just like John knew he would. “You’re thinking of leaving the band.”

John finishes his cigarette, and wonders if it would be overkill to light a fourth. Probably, he decides, so he shoves his hands in his pockets instead and leans against the side of the building, near Roger but not quite looking at him as he says, “Thinking of it, yeah. But I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Don’t do it.”

John snorts. “That’s easy for you to say. If Queen fails, you’ll just form another group. Music’s in your blood, Rog. I’m not sure it’s in mine.”

“That’s bullshit,” Roger snaps, almost properly angry now. John had been wondering how long it would take for Roger’s temper to flare up, and the answer apparently was not very long at all. “You’re one of the best fucking bassists I’ve ever met.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to hold auditions again.” And because I don’t get in the way of you three at all, he thinks, though he knows that’s unfair. Maybe at the beginning he was only valued for being quiet and easy-going but that’s not the case anymore.

Maybe if it was, it would be easier for John to walk away.

“No. Well- yes, I really don’t want to audition for a new bassist,” Roger says, and John finds himself smiling despite himself. “But… fuck, Deacy, you’re excellent. I’ve played with enough bassists over the years, heard even more of ‘em try to play, and you are miles above any of them. I don’t know what it is but you just get it. Whenever you decide to stop playing the world will be much worse off for it. So don’t stop now, when you still have so much you can do.”

The sincere compliment catches John off-guard. It’s not that he doesn’t know he’s talented - he’s self-aware enough to know that he’s good, and though Queen strives for perfection they’re all generous with their praise when things are going well. But this is different than a quiet, “Nicely done, John,” from Brian or an effusive, “Wonderful sound, Deacy, simply perfect!” from Freddie - and, truthfully, John doesn’t know how to respond to it.

So he doesn’t, choosing instead of focusing only on the last bit of what Roger said. “It’s not that simple, Rog. Most of the jobs for new graduates start over the summer, and I can’t very well take a full-time position and still play with Queen. I’d have to give the band up.”

Roger flicks away his cigarette butt and lights another. “So don’t take a full-time position then.”

“I have to earn a living somehow, and it’s not like we’re getting rich with Queen any time soon,” John points out. It’s blunt, and maybe a bit harsh, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

“You can come work at the stall with me and Freddie.”

That startles a laugh out of John, and his steadily growing frustration at Roger’s stubbornness almost immediately vanishes. “That place barely rakes in enough money to support you two! And besides, I’m not much of a salesman.”

“And you think Freddie is? He just pesters people until they agree to buy something just to shut him up.” Roger grins at him and John smiles back, though it takes more effort than it normally would. Roger has always been able to brighten John’s mood, no matter the circumstances, but it’s hard for John to muster up any sincere happiness when he finds himself wondering if this friendship could survive John leaving the band.

The conversation comes to a comfortable halt after that, and John is a little surprised to find that there’s no tension or awkwardness in the silence he shares with Roger. Most of John’s earlier anxiety is gone, vanished now that he’s shared his dilemma with someone else, and he finds that he’s content to lean against the building, watching the smoke from Roger’s cigarette trail off into the late afternoon sky, and wait for his friend to say something again.

After a few minutes Roger sighs and finally breaks the silence. “Listen, John, I’m gonna be honest with you here. This worrying about needing a “proper job”... I don’t get it. I don’t understand it with Brian and I don’t understand it with you, because you were right - music is all I want to do. The only thing I learned at uni was that I’m not built to be a scientist… but I guess you are. And if you want to take off and become an electrical engineer, well, I’d get it. Queen won’t be the same without you, but I suppose if you’re determined then we can’t exactly stop you.”

“Is this supposed to be convincing me to stay?” John asks, a bit quiet, because he thinks he needs that right now. He needs Roger to give him a reason to stay, something that he can’t refute with logic and reason, something he can cling to as he heads towards his graduation and that uncertain future beyond.

“I don’t know that I can convince you,” Roger says, and the honesty hurts a little to hear. “All I know is that Queen will succeed. I know we will, but I can’t explain how or why I know that. It’s just a gut feeling I have, and maybe I’m naive for clinging to that despite how rough the last few months have been... but it’s all I have. And it’s all I can offer you.”

He scuffs out his half-finished cigarette on the brick of the building and pockets it as he turns to face John properly. “You don’t have to leave, not yet anyway. Give us the summer, same as Brian is. Get a seasonal job to tide you over, and if September rolls around and you still want to stop… Well, I’m sure there’ll still be places hiring electrical engineers then.”

“And what do you think can happen in the next three months, that hasn’t happened in the last six?” John asks, still skeptical, still hesitant, still afraid of choosing the wrong path and having to live with that regret for the rest of his life.

But Roger just smiles at him, easy and bright, and says, “Anything can happen. That’s the whole point.”

He’s not begging. There’s no desperation in his voice, none of his earlier anger coming through, his flair for the dramatic set aside for the moment. Roger is just sincere - sincere in his wish for John to stay and his understanding if he chooses not to, and sincere in his belief that Queen will succeed. Despite the odds, despite the setbacks, despite the stagnation of the last few months, Roger sincerely believes that they can make this work.

John still doesn’t know if he’s capable of that same level of optimism, but he does know Roger and he knows that he’s not a stupid man. And if Roger thinks that Queen is worth risking everything for… maybe that can count for something.

“Just the summer, then?” John asks, after thinking it over for a few moments.

Roger’s smile widens a little. “Just the summer,” he confirms. “Besides, you’ve sunk two years into this band already. What’s the harm in a few more months at this point?”

John had more or less just told Roger what the harm could be, but now for the first time in what feels like weeks he pushes those thoughts aside. He doesn’t need to consider those possibilities right now. He doesn’t have to consider anything right now if he doesn’t want to, and the relief he feels is almost dizzying in its intensity.

“Yeah, okay. You’ve got me for the summer,” John says, but the second half of his response is lost as Roger lets out a loud whoop of excitement and throws his arms around John, nearly barreling him over with the force of the hug.

“Oh thank fuck, I did not want to tell Freddie and Brian that we lost the best bassist in England today!” Roger says. He plants a messy kiss on John’s cheek and adds, “You won’t regret this Deacs, I promise!”

“I think I already do,” John jokes as he pushes Roger away, but he’s laughing brightly and smiling so wide that his face almost aches with it.

Roger just laughs and throws one arm back around John’s shoulder in a much more casual embrace, and John lets him leave it there without complaint. “Nah, you love me, I know you do. And - hey, since you skipped class and all, wanna go out for drinks? I’m supposed to be meeting Brian and Freddie down at the pub, you should join us.”

John considers it, just briefly, before shrugging and agreeing, “Yeah, alright. Why not?”

It’s the middle of the week and John should be in class, but right now this feels more important. Maybe Queen won’t go anywhere, and at the end of the summer John will finally say goodbye - but they’re here now, and maybe for tonight John can let that be enough.

  Eleven months later…

John keeps glancing out the window of the plane, though there’s little to see except the clouds around them, and the occasional glimpse of the ocean far below. This isn’t his first international flight, or even his first international flight with Queen, but he’s still filled with a wondrous sort of excitement because in just a few days they’re going to be playing in America.

John’s whole body is suddenly rocked as someone enthusiastically throws themselves into the too-small airplane seat next to him, and a moment later Roger is practically draped over John’s shoulder as he peers out the window as well. “Anything good out there?” he asks, his face so close to John’s that he can feel Roger’s breath hot against his cheek.

John pushes him away, and back into the other seat. “Brian won’t be pleased when he comes back from the toilet and has to fight you to get his seat back," he says instead of answering the question.

“Freddie’s already distracted Brian with some new song he’s working on and given my seat to him, so you’re stuck with me now,” Roger explains.

“Oh no, anything but that,” John says, dryly, just because he knows it’ll make Roger laugh.

It does, and Roger chuckles as he stretches out and settles down in his new seat. “You excited for the tour?”

“I am,” John says. “I’d ask if you were too, but I already know the answer." Roger hasn’t shut up about touring America ever since Mott the Hoople first extended the offer months ago.

“Can you blame me? It’s America! We’ve finally made it, John, this is it!”

“Yeah,” John says, quiet and thoughtful. “We have made it, haven’t we?”

Roger’s bright smile softens a bit and he rocks his shoulder gently into John’s. “Hey, I told you we would, didn’t I?”

“You did,” John agrees. “But still…”

Still, it hadn’t been easy. Despite initially promising Roger that he’d stick around for the summer John had still nearly walked away after his graduation in June - and then again in September, when they were still struggling to get any traction despite their first album finally getting released in July. He had taken a leap of faith and agreed to the UK tour and he’s glad he did because that’s when things started to pick up speed - slowly at first, and then so rapidly that it still makes John’s head spin to think about it.

They’ve toured the UK twice now. Performed in Australia. Recorded and released a second album. And now they’re going to America, with plans for a third album lined up for their return.

“I know,” Roger says, and he does because he was there. He was there for the shows that flopped, and the negative press reviews, and the long nights of driving with no sleep and little food, cramped quarters in an ancient van and motel rooms where they slept four to a bed because the couch was too small and they weren’t going to make anyone take the floor.

He was there, and so was Freddie, and so was Brian - somehow they’ve all come through the other side. Things aren’t perfect or even necessarily easy now, but John can finally look towards the future and see a bright light shining through.

“Thank you,” he says to Roger. “For not letting me walk away, I mean.” A year ago he couldn’t believe that his life would turn out like this and now he can’t even begin to imagine what his life would be like if he had left Queen. Maybe a bit more stable, with a bit more money, but certainly not richer. Not without the warmth of his friends and their music in his life.

But Roger just brushes aside his thanks as if it was nothing, when in John’s eyes it’s very nearly everything. “Like I said back then, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did leave.” And he grins at John and adds, “But I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Yeah. So am I,” John says.

He glances out the window again, at the unchanging expanse of clouds and sky, and he’s so grateful to be here - in this band, on this plane, with Roger at his side and the whole world at their feet. He knows now that he belongs with Queen, and losing this, losing his friends, is an impossibility that he hopes he’ll never have to face again.

[kittyramblesalot]

Everything A Real Estate Agent Doesn't Want You To Know, A Year In Review 2006

Through 2006 I have written a number of articles known as the "Everything A Real Estate Agent Doesn't Want You To Know" series which has long been a consumer oriented series of information to help home purchasers and sellers protect themselves when conducting a real residence transaction. These articles are a natural extension of courses I have written known as "Everything A Real Estate Agent Doesn't Want Your house Buyer To Know" and "Everything A Real Estate Agent Doesn't Really want A Home Seller To Know". The first book written through 1990 was called "Everything A Real Estate Agent Doesn't Want You to definitely Know" and it had a fair degree of national success, extra than I thought it would, when I introduced it towards the media during 1991/92. We sold the book in each state in the U. S. including Alaska, Hawaii and since far as Pakistan and Japan. This was not a damaging performance for a self-published under-funded author. I wrote the book because I was a licensed real estate agent in the talk about of Ohio and, more importantly, I was a readily available mortgage banker for a few years and I saw a large number of home buyers and sellers experience financial damage as a result of dealing with inexperienced and unethical real estate agents. Many of the agents happen to be either totally incompetent or so self interested that they would certainly mislead buyers and sellers, anything to get them to indication a purchase offer or a listing contract. Many of these family home buyers and sellers who were cut through the neck and also didn't even realize they were bleeding because they lacked understanding and insight into how the real estate game is competed. These books have always caused friction between real estate agents and myself because many agents resent the heading of the books and the ill conceived premise that the position is that all agents are bad crooked people today, which is false. In fact , whenever I did a media gig I always made it a point to clarify this is NOT a baby blanket indictment against real estate agents. There are good, honest, knowledgeable, full time mum real estate agents in the business who are highly professional. The problem is they are the particular minority and not the majority. The major problem with the real estate market place as a whole is the ease with which a person can get a realty license. While the educational requirements vary from state to state, normally, anybody can get a license to sell real estate in about 90 days. This just doesn't make sense to me. Consider that many realtors are little old women who operate part-time, do not have business or selling background, go to school for 33 or 90 days and are licensed to represent home owners in property transactions from around $50, 000. 00 and up. I mean, a lawyer has to go to school for more effective years to get a license to write a fifty-dollar will or perhaps represent somebody in a petty traffic accident. But silly-sally can go to school for 30 days and list the $250, 000 house for sale? That does not compute in my thought process. What kind of representation will a seller get from a in someones spare time agent with one toe in the tub? And the full-time pros know what I am talking about. I have had many close interactions with agents while I was in the business and the the important point is that part timers are often the weakest relationship in getting a deal done, unavailable for showings, etc . The bottom line, part time agents give part time results if you are a buyer, seller or a full time agent attempting make a living. And the truth is that most people, especially first time residential buyers and sellers don't know what is going on... not really. How you find an agent to sell a home, the nature of contract law as well as negotiable elements of listing contracts, purchase contracts, etc . will be way beyond most first time buyers and sellers. The actual result is that sellers sign stupid long-term listing agreements with the wrong agents and the wrong companies and individuals pay way more for property then they would if they received more insight into the workings of real estate transactions including commissioned real estate sales agents. I didn't originate the problem, I identified the problems and the solutions for home buyers plus sellers. CAVEAT EMPTOR is legal jargon which means "buyer beware" and it means what it says. Whether you happen to be a home seller or home buyer, you better determine what you are doing when you are making decisions and signing contracts for the reason that, it is your duty to know and ignorance is no alibi under the law. If you do a stupid real estate deal, it will be your fault. Which is a shame because buying or selling a home is actually a BIG business decision. It is a business transaction composed of individuals, emotions, contracts and cash and those are all the compounds for legal and financial pain if you don't know what what you are doing, and most people don't. And how are people likely to get access to this information that will protect their legal and personal interests before they buy or sell a home in any case? THE POWER OF THE NAR OVER GOVERNMENT AND MEDIA The things many people don't know is the National Association of Realtors Ò (NAR) is one of America's largest special interest categories who have incredible lobbying power over our politicians to put in writing real estate laws that benefit the real estate industry, not even consumers. Thus, the caveat emptor clause... state as well as federal real estate laws are written in the interests of this local real estate company and not you. Something else people are un-aware of is the tremendous advertising influence the NAR seems to have over print and electronic media to manipulate the news you will read, hear and see because of their advertising dollar power. There may be an article written by Elizabeth Lesley of the Washington Journalism critique called Demand Happy News And Often Get It and it exposes the corruption and manipulation of the news consumers trust in to make decisions about buying or selling a home. I strongly encourage everyone to read this article. Real estate is like the stock market utilizing some ways. When you hear of a fad like "flipping" you may be probably at the tail end of that gimmick bubble, kind of like the dot. com days... everybody jumped in as they quite simply thought it was hot and it was really the end of the us dot. com bubble. A lot of people have gotten caught with their dirt bike pants down on the flipping angle. Home foreclosures are " up " across the U. S. because real estate agents and the lenders what person cater to them (the real estate industry has tremendous determine over the lending industry because the are the source of so many place loans) have qualified otherwise unqualified borrowers, by positioning them in gimmick loans. In the mad dash for you to milk the market, people have been steered in to interest primarily loans, negative amortization loans or attractive teaser borrowing products like low interest adjustable rate mortgage (ARM) and other mindless financing that is NOT in the best interest of the buyer. Consumers many of the foreclosures are happening. Naïve and gullible individuals were sold a bill of goods based on unrealistic place values. The market got hyped and the agents and providers were right there to exploit buyers and sellers. Does some people make money? Sure. But many people have found themselves with wall with too much "house", too big a payment along with a housing market that looks pretty bleak for a while... All you will need is one ripple in our fragile economy to turn the estate market into a landslide. Here's a news flash: Typically the economy is on shaky ground. The economy has long been kept strong by housing sales and corporate profit margins and both are an illusion. The real measure of typically the economy is durable goods, like automotive sales, which you'll find in the tank causing massive restructuring and layoffs. Individuals can't afford to buy cars because they are scraping the enameled off their teeth trying to make house payments... So , whoever you are, and you read my real estate articles, take into account the reason I have done what I have done, and will perform what I do, is because I am on the side of the consumer. Now i'm on the side of the person who wants to be a better, more up to date consumer. I am on the side of the person who wants to save a handful of thousand on their real estate transaction by being smart and about the more level playing field with real estate agents. And you really know what? By educating people and teaching them how to achieve deals more intelligently, how to weed out the piece timer agents from the pros and save a few dollars in the process, I am actually helping the professional full time providers. The truth is that honest agents won't have a problem with my place because it will get rid of the riff raff.

[marcloveskylie]

Kylie Minogue Sunday Times interview in full. (Thanks to Darren Nixon)

Kylie Minogue interview: the pop star talks love, regret and new beginnings ahead of playing the Glastonbury ‘legends’ slot

Kylie Minogue is glowing. Of course she is. As the blue-eyed, blonde princess of pop music and golden girl of pop culture, idolised by millions since the 1980s, Minogue, I imagine, floats around in a perpetual state of looking luminous. She has also been dancing in front of our photographer for an afternoon and, as she puts it, “should be glowing after all that make-up!” It’s not just the make-up. On the brink of releasing a new album, the gig of her career, her 51st birthday and with the thrill of a new man, she is happy. “I could say nothing and you could read everything,” she laughs, pointing to her smiling face. “I’ve met someone who I feel good with. It feels right.”

Post-shoot, Minogue sits upright and cross-legged on a sofa in our east London studio, her 5ft frame wrapped in a barely-there slip dress. Much has been written about her dabbles with Botox, something she admitted in 2009, but today she looks beautiful and natural — faint lines on her face, yet still miles younger than 50. She speaks so softly that I strain to hear her and she answers many questions with a giggle. On the surface, dainty and delicate. Underneath, nerves of steel. “None of this was handed to me,” she says, “but this was my destiny. I was meant to do it.”

The first music I remember was a 1989 VHS tape of Kylie’s videos. Aged five, I watched nothing else for months. Fever (2001) and Aphrodite (2010) — the CDs scratched from overuse — made up much of the soundtrack to my clubbing twenties. Interviewing her is an excruciating test, as I attempt to maintain professionalism while trying not to touch her face. (Full disclosure: when we hug at the end, I scream a bit. She doesn’t mind.) But aren’t we all Team Kylie? In 2005, when, at the age of 36, she revealed her breast cancer diagnosis, support from fans and the press came in floods. When her highly public relationships end, it is always her the world sides with. She is, perhaps, the only non-Brit considered a “national treasure” by the tabloids — The Sun ran a campaign in the early Noughties to have her bottom listed as a World Heritage Site on the grounds it was an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. Brand Kylie has mastered the near impossible: triumphing for three decades, with gold- and platinum-certified records, scandal-free and to global adoration. She’s still considered both a reigning disco diva and a bubbly, Aussie girl next door. Underestimate her at your peril, though. Being Kylie, she says, “takes a lot of work, graft and insecurity — not always what the wrapped-up end product looks like. There have been times when I’ve thought, ‘I just can’t.’ But you’ve got to take the knocks because they’re always coming. It ain’t all roses.” A pause. “But maybe otherwise it wouldn’t be as sweet in the end.”

She values her private life as “precious”, and admits that she has “sacrificed some anonymity”, no doubt because her romances have been tabloid fodder for years. Her most high-profile relationship was with INXS frontman Michael Hutchence from 1989 to 1991. In 1997, long after they broke up, he committed suicide. For four years, she dated the French actor Olivier Martinez, who supported her through her cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy (“Olli was there all the time,” she said in 2006). They broke up in 2007, but were rumoured to have reignited their romance in 2017, claims that she has never addressed. Then there was an engagement to the British actor Joshua Sasse. The two started dating in 2015 and that December she told Desert Island Discs that Sasse, then 28, was “my love”. They announced their engagement in February 2016, but broke up 12 months later; last September, he married an Australian entrepreneur. It strikes me as sad, but her steeliness quickly reappears.

You’ve had your heart broken, I begin. “I don’t know about heartbroken,” she flashes. “I’ve made mistakes.” Such as? “I regret lying to myself. Like, ‘This is OK,’ and doing the merry dance. When that honest bit inside of you knows, but you’re busy covering it up? I regret doing that. It’s not fair on yourself. And yet I think we’ve all been there, we’ve all done it. But I don’t see myself doing it again. I’ve met someone who I feel good with.” She has been dating Paul Solomons, the 45-year-old creative director of British GQ, for just over a year. When talk turns to him, she lights up. “I can feel my face going,” she says. “People say, ‘Your face changes when you talk about him,’ and it does. Happiness. He’s an inspiring, funny, talented guy. He’s got a real-life actual job! It’s lovely.”

Their weekends are generally spent in her Knightsbridge home, watching documentaries on Netflix — “We liked the Ted Bundy Tapes. I was too scared to watch them on my own” — or listening to podcasts — “Have you heard Dear Joan & Jericha [Julia Davis and Vicki Pepperdine’s mock agony-aunt podcast]? I’ve literally creased myself to that, it’s so inappropriate.” He does most of the cooking. “He’s got me cooking too, actually. He’s the first to do that. It can no longer be the family joke that I can’t cook.” Her family are all still in Australia. Her parents, Ron and Carol, worked as an accountant and dancer respectively, and her younger sister, Dannii, followed in Kylie’s showbiz footsteps as a pop star. She also has a younger brother, Brendon. They are a close family who text daily and speak frequently. I imagine they are overprotective about any new boyfriends. Minogue tells me that the first time Solomons met her clan was spending last Christmas with them. “They [already] could tell I was good within myself. They liked him before they met him, and they liked him more after they met him.”

Her Australian accent is still distinctive, but she has lived in London since the early 1990s, when Soho was her stomping ground. “I was really deep in London nightlife back then,” she says. Now, generally, the only time she’s up until the early hours is when she’s on tour. Her last big night out was her 50th birthday party, a year ago, at Chiltern Firehouse, complete with performances by Rick Astley and Jake Shears. “I went to bed at about 5am, but probably had no more than a glass of champagne all night. I was talking and dancing and high on life. The icing on the cake was that I had my special someone to share it with.”

It’s remarkable that Minogue has the stamina to dance until 5am at an age when many women are experiencing the menopause. Indeed, she’s already been there, done that. As is common with younger breast cancer patients, her menopause was medically induced when she had treatment, to suppress her oestrogen levels. On Desert Island Discs, she stated that she would love to start a family. It’s a difficult subject to broach, but I wonder if she feels the chance to have children has passed. “I can definitely relate to that,” she answers. “I was 36 when I had my diagnosis. Realistically, you’re getting to the late side of things. And, while that wasn’t on my agenda at the time, [cancer] changed everything. I don’t want to dwell on it, obviously, but I wonder what that would have been like. Everyone will say there are options, but I don’t know. I’m 50 now, and I’m more at ease with my life. I can’t say there are no regrets, but it would be very hard for me to move on if I classed that as a regret, so I just have to be as philosophical about it as I can. You’ve got to accept where you are and get on with it.”

Born and raised in Melbourne, she attended acting school in her home town and became a superstar at 18 as Charlene in the Australian soap Neighbours. Charlene’s wedding to Jason Donovan’s Scott in 1987 was witnessed by 20m viewers in the UK. Despite no formal singing or dancing training, she left the show to pursue music, and her debut album, Kylie, released in 1988, was No 1 in the UK for six weeks. She has since released 13 more studio albums, as well as dozens of compilation, live and remix records. Next month she is releasing Step Back in Time, her latest greatest hits album. All the big hitters are on there: Spinning Around, I Should Be So Lucky, Confide in Me. She doesn’t have a favourite, but points to Where the Wild Roses Grow (1995) and All the Lovers (2010) — “just glorious”. She had to brace herself, she says, to listen to some of the older tracks. “I recorded Locomotion when I was 18 or 19. I was so young and I felt so young.” She shakes her head in bewilderment.

Minogue has just finished the Golden Tour, six months of shows in Europe and Australia. “I don’t know how much time I’ve got before my showbiz hips and knees start to protest,” she laughs. “They’ll be like, ‘You’ve been treading those boards for a long time, we think you should slow down a bit.’ ” This summer, along with gigs in London, Manchester and even Scarborough, she will take to the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury in the Sunday afternoon “legends” slot, previously filled by the likes of Dolly Parton, Barry Gibb and Lionel Richie. It is particularly poignant as she was set to perform there in 2005, but her cancer diagnosis meant that she had to pull out. She sang at the festival in 2010, as a guest of the Scissor Sisters, but has never performed solo. “I’m bound to cry,” she says. On stage? “It’s going to happen. When I was meant to be there, I watched it from Australia. I was dealing with much bigger things back then, but when I’m there it will take me back to when I wasn’t there. But I’ll work through that.”

She confirms there will be guests joining her on stage, but won’t tell me who. Dolce & Gabbana designed the Greek goddess-inspired costumes for her Aphrodite: Les Folies tour in 2011, but her on-stage style now is “more human, more real”. “But even Elvis had a few diamantés on him,” she continues. “Come on! I’m thinking of it as a big sing-along. It’s daytime, so you can’t have the lights, effects and lasers that I normally have. I think the simplicity is part of what makes that slot so magical. Dolly Parton just walked on out. Lionel Richie just walked on out. I mean, I’ll sashay on out.”

Minogue’s manager then intervenes. The car is waiting and the star has somewhere to be. “I keep threatening my team that I’m going to retire,” she winks, safe in the knowledge that there are decades left of her career. And, with that, she sashays out. Glowing.

Step Back in Time is released on June 28

[mfmagazine]

Mayra Veronica

Article by Lauren Weigle

Photo by Bruno Talledo

She can do it all… USO spokeswoman, accomplished singer, revered television host, and FHM cover girl.  In addition to FHM magazine, Mayra Veronica has also graced the likes of Maxim, Edge, Smooth, and over 100 other national and international covers.  She’s fearlessly traveled across several countries in support of the U.S. troops and has rung the New York Stock Exchange’s infamous bell.  Mayra’s held the title of Ms. Miami and interviewed many big names as a prominent television correspondent.  Her resume of celebrity interviews is comprised of many well-known faces including Donald Trump, Oscar de la Renta, Hugh Heffner, and Dennis Rodman.  Like I said to her myself, beauty AND brains! As a noted spokeswoman for the USO, what kind of tasks are you given to carry out?

Mostly to build awareness for the organization, visit troops worldwide, and thank them for the amazing job they do for this great nation. Also, to establish the need for all to become more involved in thanking our men and women in uniform instead of seeing it as a pro war pro peace situation; making sure people understand it is a pro Americans stance. How did you become involved with the USO to begin with?

After gracing the covers to several of the men's magazines, we began receiving requests for posters so I arranged for my management to send over 7500 calendars to our troops stationed in Iraq at the time.... Upon receipt of these calendars I was named favorite pin up girl by the US marines and asked by the USO to attend a tour with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to six countries including Iraq and Afghanistan. After seeing the amazing job our troops do I want nothing more than to continue supporting them. Tell me about your experiences on the USO tour.  

I used to think it cliché' when I'd hear of legends like Marilyn Monroe saying it was the most amazing experience of their lives, now I see how true that statement is.  On our first tour there were three performers, Wilmer Valderrama, Comedian Russell Peters, and myself... The tour included six countries including, Greenland, Turkey, Germany, Afghanistan, Iraq, The Republic of Djibouti and back to Germany. We rode in Ospreys, Blackhawks, C130’s, C17's, armored trucks, and hugged and kissed over 7,500 young men and women in uniform. Afghanistan seemed the most secluded although their spirits that year were high. In Iraq we stayed in Sadaam Hussein's palace which was actually an official military base, and then we met with political leaders in Turkey for the Marines anniversary, and visited with the wounded and purple heart recipients in the hospitals of Germany.  The one thing I will always remember and take with me is our troops’ sense of heroism even after being wounded. When the wounded were asked if they were happy to be returning home, they all answered no that their biggest wish was to return to battle to back up their own. A sense of brotherhood one seldom sees. Definitely the most amazing experience of my lifetime. Let’s talk about some of the other organizations you’re involved with.

When asked to ring the NASDAQ bell, I was allowed to bring with me two organizations I had done work for or strongly supported, and I had always been a firm supporter of the USO but also of UNICEF and their children’s efforts worldwide so I brought UNICEF and remain a spokesperson for their organization. So how did it feel to be the first Cuban-American to ring the bell at NASDAQ and how did this opportunity arise?

That was such an honor, I cannot, to this day, explain.... Just one of those cosmic surprises you're never quite ready for! How did FHM go about asking you to be their cover girl?

After working for the largest show on Spanish television worldwide as both a host and model [“Don Francisco Presenta”], editors of the magazine had seen me on the show and decided to do a feature of me in the magazine. After the extraordinary response from readers they asked me to return this time on their cover. So, how did you feel, being showcased on such a prominent U.S. magazine?

It was cool, considering they always had the top 100 sexiest women in the world list, and making that list up at number 12 was quite the feat, hah.... Considering I did not hold myself to such esteem.... I was always the smart one not necessarily the prettiest or sexiest while growing up. Well, now you’re both!  When did you finally come into your own and begin your career as a professional model?

I began my career with a Bachelor’s in Theatre and my aspiration to go into film, one thing led to another and I got a job as a celebrity reporter and entertainment news show host, once the network I was working for shut down, Univision asked me to begin working on the premiere of their new show with Don Francisco, who is an icon to Spanish television, I accepted and began model/co-host work. You were in some major campaigns including Coca-Cola and L’Oreal.  Can you tell me a bit more about some of the work you did?

As a popular face on Univision, I was hired by some of the top companies to head their Spanish language TV campaigns in the United States; this included top spot national Spanish language commercials. Tell me how you stretched your modeling career to television in the first place.

After winning runner-up position as Miss Miami there was a casting for an entertainment news show which I attended and landed. This began my TV career. Any acting gigs coming up that we might be able to see you in?

I am now heavily involved with my music career and have deflected any further offers to pursue acting, as my soul craves music, my theater degree and Strasberg lessons were however great experience and a great foundation. You have a successful music life.  What kind of songs and sound do you tend to take on as an artist?

I began with my Spanish roots, and after being friends with some of the top Spanish producers it made sense to have my first album intertwined with Latin rhythms, such as salsa, meringue, and ballad sounds... But after growing into my own in this realm I realized the ultra-feminine pop with a dash of rock was all me, and this is how I see my sound. How would you describe your voice?  Was singing always something you wanted to pursue?

My father was a very famous singer in Cuba, so I grew up around someone who sang and rehearsed daily for most of my life... I never intended to do the same, but fate has a funny way of guiding you where you need to be. My voice is strong and big, not soft and small. I do not carry a Celine range but I hold my own, what I am above all is an artist, I create. Tell me about some of the songs that you’ve put out there for listeners to hear and your upcoming album Saint Nor Sinner?

Saint Nor Sinner is based on my life, having been described as both at some point by many. The songs are co-written by me, with a very pop sound. So, acting, modeling, singing… where does your heart lie first and foremost?

Music is an on-going creation that allows you an empty palette and just your artistic ability to create; you're not allowed that in modeling or acting much.... The latter are more about expressing someone else’s creation.... With music you're allowed expression of creation, and this is what my soul craves. I hear you studied dance while growing up.  Was that ever in the cards for you as well as a possible career choice?

It is very much a part of my music career, as it is incorporated into all videos. Not, however, the more classical type of dance, ballet, which I enjoyed for over 12 years and still do, nor Flamenco which was another of my loves of dance. But it all very much serves as a foundation. Well, what would you like to take on next in your career or even just with your life in general?

    I want to continue with my music for as long as I can speak, I want to write a book of it all, and I want to enjoy the fruits of my hard, hard work. (She smiles.)

[poetryasf-ck]

Good Grief #1 - Catherine Wilson

This is a new project. What we’re going to do is talk to poets who have written and performed deeply personal work informed by grief, loss and/or trauma, and ask them how this affected them, and whether or not they’d do it again. As such, these posts will talk about traumatic events including assault, genocide and suicide.

In the last ‘Eight Poems…’ podcast with Claire Askew we talked about the tendency for poets - amongst other artists - to explore personal instances of loss, grief and trauma in their work, and how it can negatively affect them. There’s been some discussion about autobiographical works of this nature: how performing them over a sustained period of time (for example, a month-long festival run) can negate the cathartic effect by making the poet relive the event, and whether slams encourage performers to expose wounds that haven’t healed properly in return for heading to nationals via your devastating pathos.

This is a topic that, I feel, needs exploring in more detail. Why do poets do this? What are their reasons, and how do they feel about it in hindsight?

Photo by Chris Belous.

The first person we’re talking to is Catherine Wilson. This is specifically because of a guest slot I did at Loud Poets’ Fringe show a few years ago, when I was on after Catherine who was part of the regular bill. I was about to do a poem involving increasingly bizarre facts about the actor Robert Pattinson, which is generally considered to not be a serious piece, whereas Catherine’s poem was about the death of her sister.

In order not to give the audience mood whiplash Kevin McLean had to warm the audience back up before I went on stage (Loud Poets now let you know what tones the different parts of their show want to hit to prevent this sort of thing happening). As a result of both the poem’s content and knowing this sort of situation might arise, Catherine was visibly distressed afterwards. This stayed in my mind as we were less than halfway through a full Edinburgh Fringe run, that this was an experience she was going through daily.

As a result I asked Catherine to help me write the questions we’re asking poets in these articles, and to be the first person to answer them.

1. What motivated you to write about grief/loss/trauma?

Initially, when I first started writing about grief/loss or trauma, I think I did it because I saw it as the done thing. For context, my sister was killed in the Dunblane Massacre in 1996 and my father also died before I was born. I looked at my lived experience and thought "I can make a good poem out of this." Looking back this wasn't the right motivation at all! However, now, I'm glad I wrote what I did. It really was a fantastic first step into learning how to express myself about things that I don't often get to talk about - either because of awkwardness or not wanting to bring down the mood. Poetry offered me a place to admit that I wasn't okay and talk about it without being interrupted or edited.

Now, when I write on similar topics, it's a much more thoughtful process. I really think about how what I'm writing is going to look on stage - whether I go too far down a dark rabbit hole and need to pull myself back a little and mostly, how it will affect me personally to perform this piece again and again

2. How does performing this piece change how you look at what happened to you?

I think it has totally changed my perspective. It's given me my own way of articulating my experience which has naturally re-shaped how I conceive of it. By giving it words I've changed how I relate to it. I think too, that experiencing loss is a very de-personalising experience: you lose yourself a wee bit along the way in your grief. By writing I've put myself back in the narrative and marked out the place within the story that is mine.

3. How do you separate artistic performance from lived personal experience?

I am notoriously bad at this. When performing about my losses it's nearly always pretty much exactly my experience, I don't really write it through a fictional lens. My one tactic is to always remember that each poem is one poem, not the poem. I don't have to sum up absolutely everything with one poem - I can focus on one mood or capture one moment. Not only does this probably make my poetry better, but it stops me feeling guilty or worried about forgetting or neglecting to include something.

4. Do you find yourself affected negatively by performing this piece? If so, how do you look after yourself? 

I do find performing my pieces about loss more and more hard the more that I perform them. I always ensure I have someone in the audience I trust (usually this is my partner). At the end of the day, I have to constantly examine why I'm performing that piece: if it's because I've been booked/asked to or really want to - then great. That's a motivation. If I'm really not feeling it that day, or will upset myself then I tend to not do it. It's not healthy to constantly upset yourself onstage for the sake of performance. If it still makes you cry every time you read it, then chance is you need to process your feelings a bit more. 

5. Do you practice any aftercare after performing this piece (either for yourself or audiences)? (E.g., talking to audience members who are upset, taking some time out after your performance to ground yourself, ensuring you perform in places where you feel safe etc.)

My main piece of aftercare is recognising when to draw the line. Recently, I performed at the March for Our Lives anti-gun protest, I spent two hours there and spoke to three members of the press. I knew more press was coming, but I decided I was tired and wanted to go. 

When I perform this piece as part of a larger show, I would normally hang back and wait for some of the audience to leave. If someone is really upset I want to prioritise actually looking after them. What I don't want to do, however, is subject myself to a lot of "clumsy samaritanism": nearly everyone in Britain remembers Dunblane, it's a huge part of our history and our only school shooting. Therefore loads of people, if they see you, want to stop you and tell you where they were when it happened or how they remember it. They are processing meeting a Dunblane family member and the only way they can relate is telling you that memory. There's nothing wrong with it, they don't mean to do anything malicious at all - however - I still want to avoid it. By the time I've performed I'm normally hungry and tired anyway, and want to look after someone seriously upset. Being stopped constantly by ten or so people as I'm trying to leave by people who kind of want you to tell them "it's all okay" is too laborious and exhausting. So I normally hang back to pack up,  or hide for a wee while, or my partner helps me escape a wee bit.

Image from TedX talk

6. Do you do any content warnings for this piece? Why?

Sadly, a lot of promoters will still stop you from doing content warnings, which is unfortunate because if I saw a poem similar to mine, I would probably have to excuse myself (because of my own experience). I don't watch other poets do poems about guns or shootings - I have to leave because it's so uncomfortable (often because they don't actually have the experience themselves, but that's another story!)

I rarely do this poem at shows or in sets, if I did I would definitely give a blanket warning and also assure the audience I was totally comfortable with them leaving and/or coming back if they needed to.

7. Does the artist owe any kind of protection or safeguarding to their audience? 

I think so. Whilst I should be allowed to speak honestly about my experience, I also need to have context in mind. Most of the time, people haven't knowingly come to see me expecting to see me do very intense pieces about trauma. Most of the time I'm part of someone else's event or gig. It's not fair, then, to thrust my trauma on the room without at least some gentle framing: whether that be ending my set with another poem to soften the blow and allow breathing room, or doing content warnings.

8. Do you believe writing about areas such as grief, loss or trauma is a form of healthy catharsis or memorialisation?

I definitely think writing is one of the best, if not the best, form of catharsis and memorialisation, precisely because you get to decide what feelings you want to process or how you want to remember that person or event. It is, however, changed with performance, and I think it's important to examine WHY you want to perform this piece.

9. Do you believe artists whose work heavily focuses on their own traumas or losses should also attempt to explore other topics?

I definitely do. Whilst not every poet is going to write silly or funny poems, it's definitely not healthy to just write about your losses and traumas. Even if they never hit the stage, I think it's important to also write about what makes you happy.

10. What kind of warnings signs would you point out to someone new to poetry or performance who was performing about their traumas?

I have three:

If a poet cries, breaks down or is deeply unhappy or irritable when they do that poem, I don't think they're ready to be performing it. It's natural to be upset, but with an element of professional performance it's not healthy.

If a poet forces themselves to do the poem. If you have to push yourself to do it every time you perform, it's probably best to shelve it for a while.

If the piece becomes overly performed and completely separate from the lived experience. If a poet is doing this piece and shutting themselves down, or going into autopilot whilst they do the poem - this really isn't healthy. It's a numbing affect to shut yourself off from your real feelings.

What I would say about these warning signs is that the same poet can have all three, or none in the space of one week. Sometimes you feel everything really intensely and sometimes it's totally fine and really cathartic. I think it's about making sure you check in with your motivation for performing, how you feel on the day, and making sure you're in a space you feel comfortable in.

Catherine Wilson can be found on Twitter: @CWilsonPoet

Her website is http://www.catherinewilsonwriter.co.uk/

While you’re here, would you be able to review Poetry as Fuck on iTunes or Stitcher please? Or if you’re feeling flush, please contribute to our Patreon.

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InVideo Review: How to make $1000 in 2021

Have you ever utilized Canva and admired how it aided non-designers in creating eye-catching images? If you answered yes, you would undoubtedly like InVideo. It performs the same thing but with an emphasis on assisting you in the creation of videos. I'll go through the following topics in this InVideo review:

What is InVideo, what are its features, and how much does it cost?

Should you go through with it or not?

How to make $1000.

How to Use InVideo Even if You're Not a Freelancer.

Sounds interesting. So let's start with an overview of the platform, particularly if you've never heard of it before.

What is InVideo?

InVideo, which is hosted on invideo.io, is a newcomer to the video editing business. It also allows you to use templates to produce various eye-catching videos, similar to how Canva allows you to create pictures.

You may also turn your blog entries and articles into videos with the assistance of InVideo, And I think it's a fantastic concept, particularly if you're a blogger who likes the notion of reusing your material. And what distinguishes InVideo from the competition?

“With little to no technological experience, almost anybody can make videos.”

That's correct, even though I am not a specialist in video content creation. Despite this, I've made several movies using InVideo over.

So, if I can make it, you certainly can as well. But, do you still not trust me? Then, allow me to take you through the steps of making videos using InVideo.

InVideo Review: How Does It Work?

The site of InVideo describes how the platform's video production works. Why? Because the team understands that it is the platform's most important feature. So all you have to do is “Sign Up” for an InVideo account, and you'll be able to get started right away.

To get started, choose a template that reflects your brand's narrative or concept. Following that, take advantage of InVideo's free stock of music, pictures, and videos. Colors, timings, typefaces, and other details may all be changed. You may also begin with a blank design and add components of your choosing.

After you've finished editing your video, export it. Within site, InVideo also allows you to post it on social media.

But first, let's learn a little bit more about the platform's features.

What Makes InVideo So Special?

For non-professional video producers like you and me, InVideo has a ton of features. Please have a closer look at them!

Audio equipment

Overlay of text

The media library

Aesthetic effects

Merge at high speed

Reseller privileges

Shareable link

High Definition Resolution

Fonts in a Variety

There are many stickers.

Changing the speed

Templates for font quotes

Templates that are already created

Video splicing and merging

From a blog post/article to a video

Character length is unrestricted.

Video Production and Stabilization

Shapes, text boxes, and other elements are available.

Uploading pictures and videos is possible.

Collage, masks, and other enhancements

And so forth. All of this comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee and support. But you're probably thinking that it's going to be too costly. Wrong. Let me now take you through InVideo's price structure.

Pricing for InVideo

InVideo operates on a freemium basis. Therefore, you may also start utilizing it for nothing. As a result, it has certain restrictions, such as the InVideo watermark.

Free Plan from InVideo

Let's see what you can obtain for free.

InVideo Watermark

4500+ Video Templates by InVideo

3 million+ standard media library

Text-to-Speech Automation

Each video lasts 15 minutes.

You get a lot more than you anticipate for free, in my opinion. And, if you're just getting started, I suggest enrolling for free at first and then upgrading later. Other options available include ‘Business' and ‘Unlimited.' Now let's look at them.

Business Plan from InVideo

If you pay for a year in advance, the business plan is $15 per month. If you don't want to commit to a full year, it's $30 per month. Without a doubt, you will appreciate the abundance of materials provided by InVideo. You may also export 60 videos each month.

I suggest the ‘Business' plan only if your video production business has grown significantly. Also, if you think it's worth it, you may pay for a full year and get a 50% discount. The information was accurate at the time of authoring this article. You should, however, go to InVideo's price page for confirmation.

Unlimited Plan from InVideo

The ‘Unlimited' plan from InVideo is really unlimited. You may also export an infinite number of videos, view 120 iStock images, and access 1 million. If you pay for a year, the ‘Unlimited' option costs $30 per month. If you don't want to commit to a year, it costs $60 each month.

Again, I think you should purchase the ‘Unlimited' package for a full year to take advantage of the 50% discount. After that, you only go for it if it's worthwhile. That leads me to a review of the platform.

InVideo Review: Worth the Money?

You probably already know how much I like InVideo, so I'll give it a good review. It does, however, have certain drawbacks. So, I'll discuss both the advantages and disadvantages. Does it seem reasonable?

Pros of InVideo

You may customize everything.

Detailed lessons are available on the YouTube channel and the blog.

You'll find a plethora of sticker options, text effects, and filters

Highlight the terms to search for related video footage.

Because you have complete control over them, you can sell and share videos easily.

Millions of stock photos, video clips, and audio are available to you.

Without question, there are many advantages to utilizing InVideo to produce your videos. But it leads us to the disadvantages.

Cons of InVideo

These are not the main drawbacks of utilizing the InVideo platform. However, the squad could improve on the following points:

First, only 50 scenes are allowed (you'll notice the recurrence after a while).

Second, it takes a long time to preview and export.

Third, your layout selections will be lost if your mind is changed.

All of these disadvantages aren't game-changers, but they are unpleasant. And, without a doubt, InVideo is an excellent video editing online tool.

How to Make $1000 with InVideo

InVideo enables you to produce many kinds of videos for several platforms. Among these platforms are:

Facebook

LinkedIn

Snapchat

YouTube and Other Resources

You may also select from the following kinds of videos to make your work easier:

Coupons / Promotions

Advertisements for Branded Products

Invitations to Presentations

Motivational sayings

Promotions for webinars

Bite-sized ads

Testimonial videos

Videos suitable for snacking

Listicles and other resources

Without a doubt, creating movies based on all of these categories is a breeze with InVideo. I provided freelance video ad creation, Instagram postings, and YouTube intros and outros. And in this manner, I have earned about $1000. Let me show you how to earn even more.

InVideo Review: Freelance Service Suggestions

By using InVideo, you may provide a wide range of services. Let me offer three service concepts that I've tested.

Intros and Outros for YouTube

As the world's second-largest search engine, YouTube is also the world's most popular video platform. As a result, you may find every kind of video maker there.

You can imagine how many prospective customers there are for you. Ask them to consider having you create intro and outro films for their YouTube channel. Make a Fiverr Gig out of it. And, like a pro, advertise your gigs or services.

Video Ads

Every once in a while, millions of entrepreneurs emerge. And, to be honest, every one of them should run video advertisements since they work so well.

Instagram Posts

Instagram is full of influencers. And they must all publish excellent material on Instagram. Videos are now worth their weight in gold on Instagram. Inform Instagrammers that you may assist them in creating amazing videos right now.

How Can You Market Your InVideo Services?

So you've made a fantastic video portfolio using InVideo. So, what now? You can't simply sit back and wait for the money to come into your account. You must get the word out about your freelancing services.

Here's how to do it:

First, make some video advertisements for InVideo, Distribute them as samples of your work and pitch them to prospective customers.

Second, create and advertise freelancing jobs on sites like Fiverr and Upwork.

Third, Cold emailing may help you sell your services.

Fourth, If you have any of these services, include them on your website.

And there are many things you may do to develop and market your freelancing services. Because it's not only the InVideo review, let me provide a way for you to become motivated for your company.

Go to InVideo's price plan and choose the ‘Free' plan. And consider it a game to go from ‘Free' to ‘Unlimited.' It will undoubtedly keep you motivated.

If you're new to freelancing, put these practical ideas to use.

Not a Freelancer?

Or maybe you do not want to provide freelancing services. If you operate an online company, InVideo may still be useful to you. Instead of offering services, make films to help you grow your company. For instance, if you own an e-commerce site, you might make product films.

Also, use video advertisements on social media. Videos are becoming more popular. You may also make similar videos if you have a blog on any subject. Everything is as simple as putting a link to your blog article into the InVideo.

Final Thoughts: InVideo Review

There is no reason not to make money online nowadays since the possibilities are limitless. You may make a full-time income by writing web content or creating videos with InVideo. InVideo is a potent tool for creating videos without any technical knowledge.

Here's a brief rundown of your options:

Begin experimenting with InVideo for free.

Make YouTube intros, video advertisements, and other services available.

Promote your freelancing opportunities.

Slowly expand your company.

This article is more than simply an InVideo review; it is a comprehensive introduction to the subject. Thank you for reading, and please share your views in the comments section below.

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Kristi Callan of Wednesday Week

Kristi Callan is best known for her tenure leading Wednesday Week. She presently plays in Dime Box, The Roswell Sisters and Cheap Chick.

           Originally from Dallas, Kristi and her sister Kelly moved to Los Angeles in the mid-‘70s. The Callan sisters played with a pre-Dream Syndicate Steve Wynn in Goat Deity before forming Narrow Adventure with Kjehl Johansen (Urinals, 100 Flowers). Narrow Adventure morphed into Wednesday Week in 1983. Wednesday Week would sign a deal with Enigma Records, releasing What We Had (1987), before disbanding in 1990.

           In the 1990s, Callan formed Lucky and Dime Box. With the help of Justin Tanner, Kristi also performs with the Roswell Sisters—her three-part harmony group which includes Kristian Hoffman (Mumps, James White and the Blacks). Spacecase Records is currently working with Kristi on a Narrow Adventure LP, culling unreleased tracks from 1981-1983. COVID-19 permitting, be on the lookout for Dime Box, Roswell Sisters and Narrow Adventure shows in late 2020/early 2021.  

Interview by Ryan Leach

Photos courtesy of Kristi Callan

Narrow Adventure, left to right: Kjehl Johansen, Kristi Callan, Kelly Callan. 

Ryan: Where did you grow up?

Kristi: My sister (Kelly Callan) and I are from Dallas, Texas, originally. We moved to Oklahoma next and then to New York. Our mother is an actress. It was an interesting transition, going from Oklahoma to public housing in New York in the mid-‘70s. We loved New York City. We then moved to Los Angeles in 1976. My sister and I were pissed about it. New York City is great. You can ride the subways anywhere and do whatever you want. I was just getting into music. The Ramones were starting to break out there. There was no decent public transit system in L.A. and we knew no one. We were miserable. It took us a couple of years to figure it out. Eventually, my sister got her driver’s license and we’d go to punk rock clubs. Things started getting a lot better. Music took up our entire lives at that point and we decided we wanted to form a band.

Ryan: You’re the youngest? Your sister Kelly is a bit older?

Kristi: Yes. Kelly is three years older.

Ryan: Tell me about the Undeclared (1979). I’ve read that was your first band with Kelly.

Kristi: There was this girl, Betsy, who I met in high school. She’s the one we named Wednesday Week’s first EP “Betsy’s House” after. I told her, “Betsy, you’re going to play bass.” She did and so we had a little band in high school that never went anywhere. I was on guitar and my sister Kelly was the drummer. We would practice in my sister’s room. Betsy eventually gave up trying to learn bass, so the band became my sister and I. Kelly had just started college at UCLA. She didn’t have a major; she was undeclared. That’s where the band’s name came from.  

           My mom’s the greatest. She’d let us practice and make a loud, awful racket at home. Her friend told her, “Oh, they’re doing this fair down the street. Your daughters should play it.” So we got this slot playing in a parking lot in Panorama City. It was just the two of us—me and Kelly. It was amazing and exciting. The wind was so strong it blew over Kelly’s heavy cymbals. Her first drum set belonged to the drummer of Iron Butterfly. Kelly found it in The Recycler. We’d always go to this record store, Moby Disc.

Ryan: I remember Moby Disc. There was a store in Canoga Park up until the early 2000s.

Kelly: That’s right. The one we’d go to was in Sherman Oaks and later they had another location in Santa Monica. We could walk to the one in Sherman Oaks. I’d stare at the album covers for hours. I was so uncool. I was an awkward 15 year old. I got to know the guys behind the counter, only the cool people got jobs at record stores. I told the guys at Moby Disc that I had a band. They responded, “Really?” “Yeah, it’s me and my sister.”

           My best friend at Moby Disc was Dave Provost (later of the Textones, Wednesday Week, Dream Syndicate). Steve Wynn was friendly too and he asked me if we wanted to play together. I was like, “Sure.” That became Goat Deity (1980-1981). Steve lived with his parents on Sunset Boulevard and we started practicing at his house. We were into art punk and he was into more traditional stuff. He would play his songs with us; we’d play our songs with him. We recorded and did a show in the living room of my mom’s house. All the guys from Moby Disc turned up. After a while it became obvious that we weren’t meshing musically so we went our separate ways and our friend Kjehl Johansen, from the Urinals and 100 Flowers, said he’d play bass with us. That’s when we started Narrow Adventure (1981-1983).

Ryan: That’s interesting. Goat Deity was right in between The Suspects, the band Wynn formed at UC Davis, and The Dream Syndicate.

Kelly: Steve had been at UC Davis for school. When he finished, he came back home and worked at Moby Disc. Karl Precoda came down and rehearsed with us one day and he and Steve really hit it off. That was when we realized we were going in really different directions and decided to split off and go our separate ways. It was amicable—we all liked each other a lot, but musically it wasn’t the right fit.

Ryan: How did you meet Kjehl?

Kelly: We were seeing bands every night. I had a fake ID. My mom was cool with it, but she got apprehensive once. She read an article in the paper about punk rock being scary. So we took her to a show at the Starwood. The Plugz, who were my favorite band, were playing. Charlie (Quintana) was my age and Tito (Larriva) was always very nice to us. He bought my mom an orange juice at the show to reassure her all was well. The opening band that night was The Last. I didn’t want to see them because some obnoxious guy had told me that The Last were the best band in L.A. and I thought “I will never check them out if this guy thinks they’re cool.” But they were on the bill that night and were actually really good. Anyway, my mom saw The Last and said, “Look at these nice boys. They’re just kids like you. You’ll be fine.” She was right. They were nice and really good and we started going to see them regularly. Kelly and I got to know them, but mostly we hung around the people associated with The Last like Gary Stewart and Bill Inglot. Gary managed The Last. David Nolte, who was in The Last and who I’m now married to, said, “The Urinals are the best band ever.” He was right. It was through going to shows that we met everyone. Also, Kjehl, Kevin (Barrett) and John (Talley-Jones) went to UCLA, which is where my sister and I went. And I was always telling everyone about my band with my sister—even though we didn’t have much going on at the time.

We got Kjehl to join and then Gary Stewart got us our first show. I didn’t know how to book a show. I was 17 or 18 at the time. Gary said, “Narrow Adventure can open up for The Last at the Troubadour.” I was like, “Yeah, okay.” So, we went from a parking lot in Panorama City to my mom’s living room to the Troubadour.

Ryan: That’s moving on up.

Kristi: Right.  

Ryan: It’s interesting how The Last and The Urinals, two stylistically different groups, formed such a bond. The Last’s Vitus Mataré recorded some great material during that period. The Narrow Adventure tracks he recorded must have been your first semi-professional recordings.  

Kristi: Definitely. That was terrifying, going into that garage to record with this guy (Vitus) who I’d seen on stage but who I didn’t really know. I knew Vitus could play and I knew that I couldn’t. I had had music lessons and I knew some theory. But The Last had been playing big shows for years. I just had a big mouth.

Ryan: Tell me more about Narrow Adventure. I know you played a show on November 6, 1981, with 100 Flowers and The Last.  

Kristi: Gary Stewart had gotten us that first show at the Troubadour. Afterwards I asked him, “Okay. What’s next?” He responded, “Well, now you need to get your own shows.” Narrow Adventure played a lot. I’d book us any gig I could find. Shows on Sunday at midnight. Thankfully, Kjehl was game for it. For Kjehl, Narrow Adventure was interesting and exciting because he had never played bass before. He bought a Hagstrom 8-string bass. He was totally into it. We’d play every other week. Once in a while, Gary would put us on bills like that November show you mentioned with The Last and 100 Flowers. Those were the best. Other shows would be with bands that I’d never heard of before or since.        

Ryan: Can you describe the transition from Narrow Adventure to Wednesday Week and Kjehl leaving the band?  

Kristi: Vitus and Gary were putting together the WarfRat Tales (1983) compilation. Vitus had recorded us and wanted two tracks for the LP. Vitus is the best. We were so excited. But he said, “You can’t keep the name Narrow Adventure. It’s the worst name ever. You should change it before we put this record out.” So we had to. It just so happened to coincide with Kjehl leaving the group. I think Kjehl had completed his experiment playing bass in a band. He was great. I remember we would lean on him. At the first show at The Troubadour we were like, “Okay, Kjehl, what do we do? Do we go on stage now?” We were terrified.

Ryan: That’s funny considering The Urinals had to go to Austin, Texas, to play their first off-campus show. They didn’t know how to book one in L.A.

Kristi: I know. Everyone figures it out differently and they went to Texas. Kjehl really didn’t know what was going on either. I was like. “You’re the one with some experience!” I was listening to old live Narrow Adventure tapes recently and Kjehl had great stage banter between songs. Narrow Adventure was his opportunity to play a different instrument and do something totally different from The Urinals, which I think was his first band. I know Kjehl sometimes had different ideas than John and Kevin with The Urinals and 100 Flowers. Kjehl wanted to get a little bit better musically—take lessons—while Kevin and John were fine figuring their instruments out themselves. We provided a different vibe for him. Narrow Adventure was something Kjehl tried and then he was done. I remember the concert to promote the Warfrat Tales compilation. It was really exciting. David (Nolte) played bass with us that night. Kjehl had already left and we were going by Wednesday Week then. But David couldn’t stay long. Joe (Nolte) demanded a lot with The Last. Our old friend from Moby Disc, Dave Provost played with us for a while after that until he got too busy.

Ryan: Vitus Mataré produced Wednesday Week’s debut EP “Betsy’s House.” It was recorded at Radio Tokyo, the studio owned by the late Ethan James (1946-2003). Did you get to know Ethan?

Kristi: Ethan was great.

Ryan: He always struck me as underrated and I liked his work with Jane Bond and the Undercover Men.  

Kristi: I can’t believe he’s been gone for so long. Ethan was so patient. When we did “Betsy’s House” David (Nolte) was playing an incorrect chord so I said to him, “That’s a minor chord.” David responded, “No. It’s a major.” He was being so stubborn. He wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t know what to do so I just put my head down. Ethan looked up and said, “David, Kristi wrote the song.” He quickly and effectively shut down that situation. That was Ethan in a nutshell. He was quiet and when he spoke it was usually the right thing to say. He respected women as musicians too which is great because it can be hard being a woman in music. Some guys won’t play with women in bands. People often talk down to you but Ethan wasn’t like that and neither were David and Kjehl. We went back and recorded at Radio Tokyo throughout the 1980s. Ethan made a lot of things happen. I liked Jane Bond and the Undercover Men too. You’re right. Ethan is an unsung hero. So many great records came out of Radio Tokyo. I go by there now and I just want to cry. It was such a cool studio and scene and now the area is completely gentrified.

Ryan: Wednesday Week’s next album What We Had (1986) was released on Enigma. How did you end up signing with the label?

Kristi: The funny thing is we were going to make a record with Rhino. Gary Stewart (Rhino’s A&R head, manager of The Last) said, “’Betsy’s House’ did well.” I borrowed money from my mother, brother and dad to put that out. Gary was right: it did well. I was able to pay them all back. Gary said, “The record sold. You promoted it.” I booked all of these tours. I had graduated college and I started freaking out: “What am I going to do with my life?” So I booked tours for us. We played a lot of colleges because they paid well. Gary was impressed and said, “Rhino will sign you and you can do another record with Ethan (James).” We said, “Okay.” I was always checking in with people back then. And I was talking with Scott Vanderbilt who unbeknownst to me was working A&R at Enigma. He asked me what I was doing. I told him we were going to make a record with Rhino and that Ethan was going to produce it. He said, “No. Enigma wants to put it out.” I was like, “Really? Enigma has all these different acts. They’re not really like us.” Honestly, we weren’t right for Enigma. Nevertheless, Scott introduced us to Bill Hein who ran the label. Bill was so nice. He was genuinely interested in signing us. He told us, “Well, if Rhino’s going to give you $5,000 to record, we’ll double it. You can go record with Don Dixon.” That sounded like a step up. Even though we liked Ethan and he was great, we wanted to try something different and grow. That was actually awful—having to go back to Gary Stewart, our biggest ally, and go, “Y’know, we’re gonna have to do this other thing with Enigma.” Of course, Gary understood it because he was Gary. But it was hard. In retrospect, we should’ve done the record with Gary and Rhino. We could’ve had a longer lifespan. Enigma was like, “Well, you didn’t sell records like Stryper or Poison. We’re done with you.” Rhino would’ve kept supporting us.  

Ryan: Enigma always seemed like a label that would sign a bunch of bands and then throw them up against the wall, so to speak. What stuck, they kept. What didn’t, they dropped. Then they’d repeat the process.

Kristi: Yep. And that’s what they did. I think we could’ve had time to grow with Rhino. They would’ve put out another record. We were trying to be smart at the time.

Ryan: Although signing with Enigma wasn’t the right move in retrospect, was recording What We Had with Don Dixon a positive experience?

Kristi: Oh, yeah. It was great. We recorded with him again in February 2020. Dixon’s the best. Do you know anything about him?

Ryan: Yeah. I like a lot of the stuff he recorded. I’m a fan of Tommy Keene.

Kristi: Right. We went out there (Reflection Studios in Charlotte, North Carolina) to record, excited and very nervous. Dixon was very easy going. He could work with women. He wasn’t going to take the instrument out of your hand and play it himself. That would happen.

Ryan: It happened to The Bangles.  

Kristi: My god. The shit The Bangles had to go through. The more records you sold, often the worse it got. “There’s too much money on the line, honey, let me play that part.” That wasn’t going to happen to us. Our response would’ve been, “Fuck you.”

Ryan: How did your brief tenure with Enigma go? Was it a situation where communication dwindled as time went on?

Kristi: Pretty much. And we were working with William Morris. That actually wasn’t a good decision. William Morris would book us on these shows that didn’t make sense. We should’ve been working with F.B.I. (Frontier Booking International).

           Another time we were trying to be smart but weren’t: when we signed our contract we knew not to give away our publishing. That’s how all those songwriters in the ’50 and ‘60s got screwed, right? So we didn’t give them a penny. The problem with that is then Enigma had no skin in the game, so they didn’t do much for us. We didn’t understand how things worked back then. We did get a couple of placements in movies almost accidentally. Many people found out about Wednesday Week through a couple of our songs being in Slumber Party Massacre II (1987).

Ryan: You and your sister started your own imprint, Sweden Spins, to release Wednesday Week 45s and cassettes after your time on Enigma. Wednesday Week wound down in 1990. Did the experience with Enigma suck the life out of the band?

Kristi: Definitely. But with Sweden Spins, my sister’s boyfriend—who’s now her husband—he always had good ideas. He said, “You guys should start a fan club.” I was like, “No! That sounds stupid.” But we eventually did it and so many cool people were in that fan club. Anyway, my sister’s husband recommended we put out a single for our fan club members. We weren’t initially receptive to the idea, but we did it anyway. And he was right—people loved them. Sweden Spins was the imprint for our fan club. We released three fan club singles.

           Getting dropped from Enigma did suck the life out of the band. We had different people coming into the group early on, but Heidi (Rodewald) solidified the lineup on bass. Then we had a revolving door with second guitar players until David (Nolte) joined. That lineup with Heidi and David was our best one. When Heidi left we thought, “Oh, it’ll be alright. We’ll figure it out.” She didn’t like touring because it’s stressful and quit right before we had a tour starting. Thankfully John Talley-Jones (Urinals, 100 Flowers) stepped in to play bass for us on that tour. It was great. But we needed a long-term bassist. We tried a bunch of different people. But the magic was gone. A group of people builds a sort of synergy. When someone leaves, it’s really hard to find it again.

Ryan: What have you been up to lately, Kristi?    

Kristi: After Wednesday Week, David Nolte, Mike Lawrence, my sister Kelly and I had a band called Lucky. Mike Lawrence had been in Direct Hits with Paula Pierce. Our first Narrow Adventure show at the Troubadour was with Direct Hits and The Last. David and I started Dime Box in the 1990s. I got to play bass on a US and Ireland tour with David Gray before he was famous when my husband was in his band. That was cool. They were great guys. The ‘90s was a period where I was playing with everybody. I sometimes forget who all I played with back then.

           In the 2000s I had kids so things got harder. Someone asked me to be in Cheap Chick—the all-female Cheap Trick tribute band. I love Cheap Trick. I wanted to be Robin Zander when I was a kid. I was initially embarrassed to be in a tribute band, but we have so much fun. We played in Las Vegas. We played in Japan.  

Ryan: I’d join just about any tribute band for a trip to Japan.

Kristi: Yeah! And we played Rockford, Illinois, and Rick Nielsen called us up. He said he had a show that night so he couldn’t come see us, but he asked if we wanted to meet up the next day. We were like, “Fuck you. You’re not Rick Nielsen.” But it actually was him! So, we had breakfast with him the next day. What a giant thrill. He was a cool guy: “I heard good things about your band.”

           My husband, our son and the drummer in my Americana group also have a tribute band to our old labelmates, The Smithereens. My husband was playing in a band (Dave Davies’ backing band) with Dennis Diken (The Smithereens’ drummer) and he thought it would be fun to make a tribute to them, so we do that now and then. Those songs are such a pleasure to play and we have a lot of fun.

I’m also singing in a three-part harmony group called the Roswell Sisters. There was a group in the 1930s called The Boswell Sisters. We do that kind of material. Do you know who Kristian Hoffman is?

Ryan: Absolutely. He was from Santa Barbara originally and played in the Mumps and with James White and the Blacks.

Kristi: Right. My husband David had been playing with Kristian a lot. They played with El Vez and Ann Magnuson together. Kristian’s husband Justin Tanner sings and arranges all the songs with the Roswell Sisters. Sometimes we do Kristian’s songs in these lush, three-part harmonies. The Roswells are me, Kristian, Justin, Lisa Jenio from Candypants and Pierre Smith who I knew from the ‘80s with his band The New Marines.

Finally, my band Dime Box plays regularly and is working on a new CD. The last release received critical acclaim and some nice airplay across the country, but the pandemic quashed the 2020 tour plans to support it. My son James (Nolte) plays with me in that band as well, along with Lyn Bertles (Cruzados), Nick Vincent (Holly & The Italians, Frank Black) and Alex Vincent (The Bots and Stop Thought). We like to keep busy. Kelly is in Dragster Barbie and, of course, Kjehl has 100 Flowers and a solo record coming out. Narrow Adventure made a video together and we are looking forward to touring to support our release in late 2021.  

Dime Box. 

[metalindex-hu]

„Boundaries exist only to be broken”

„Boundaries exist only to be broken” - https://metalindex.hu/2021/07/14/boundaries-exist-only-to-be-broken/ -

The discovering of Greek Rapture was a great surprise for me. These young guys are delivering very intense, fast, but varied Death/Thrash Metal, with hints of Black Metal as well. Their third full length (Malevolent Demise Incarnation) showcases a very talented outfit. The answers have been given from guitarist/vocalist Apostolos Papadimitriou.

So, Apostolos, what are your views on the current Greek underground scene?

First of all, thank you very much for this interview! Regarding the Greek underground scene, I think that during the last 15 years we can safely say that it is at its best. Extreme Metal in particular has a lot to offer, with some of the best underground acts worldwide such as Dead Congregation, Embrace of Thorns, Death Courier and many more. Moving on to the thrashier side of things there are some amazing bands as well such as Violent Definition and Slaughtered Priest. Since we are all fans of Hardcore Punk and Crust, it should be stressed that the Greek scene is thriving on these genres as well. Check bands like Chaotic End, which is one of the oldest bands in this category but released a great album some years back, or Paroxysm and Cursed Blood, which represent a younger breed.

Would you say that Rotting Christ, Varathron, Necromantia, Septic Flesh, Flame put Greece on the map of metal? Do you consider them influential outfits?

Of course, their importance cannot be underestimated, especially for Rotting Christ, Varathron and Necromantia that led the Black Metal movement. But I would go ahead and add Death Courier, Septicemia and Sarcastic Terror, since they were bands that a lot of people used to talk about back then. Also, I have to say I do not know these by first hand, since I was not even born at that time. It’s information I have acquired by reading old fanzines, interviews, etc.

Please, tell us the history of Rapture so far: how did you get together, have you been involved in any other bands prior to Rapture, your materials etc.!

Rapture is a Death/Thrash band from Athens Greece, currently flying under the banner of the label FDA Records. The band was formed in 2012 and has since released 3 full length albums and various other spin-off releases. During these years the band has established a strong fanbase around the globe and has gathered a series of great reviews, especially for its 2nd and 3rd album. Some have even labeled this releases as modern-day classics of the genre. Moreover, these releases gave Rapture the chance to play gigs across Europe in festival slots and self-organized tours, and sharing the stage with some of the best acts of the underground and mainstream metal scene (Sodom, Vektor, Venom Inc, Stalker, Dead Congregation and more).

Apostolos

Since 2014 you have a stabile, steady line up; does it mean that you are on the same wavelength both musically and humanly? Is there a chemistry among you?

Yes, of course, that is exactly what it means. To be honest, I think that a great part of what we have achieved is owed to this fact. It’s amazing to have people that share the same vision for music (and art in general), touring and even for the way of life. We have been together for almost 8 years now and this has granted us an amazing bond both in terms of music and of personal relationship.

Are Nikitas Melios and Giorgos Melios brothers?

Yes, as their surname suggest. And this has contributed in the aforementioned facts of the previous question, as you can imagine.

When did you start working on your new album? How long did it take you to come up with new material?

In general, it’s safe to say that we are a hard working band, and there are always individual ideas of riffs or lyrics here and there. If I remember correctly, the first song was written right after an amazing gig at Izmir Turkey in April of 2018, which was only 3 months after the release of our second album Paroxysm of Hatred. I think that the whole album was complete a couple of months prior to its recording. However, a lot of ideas were born during the recording sessions as well, and they of course consist a part of the final product. We always experiment and let the compositions “speak” to us.

You entered the Eleventh Tower Studios again, like you did with the previous effort Paroxysm of Hatred. What do you recall of the recording sessions? Were you prepared to record the album?

As you can imagine, we were really satisfied with the outcome of the previous album in terms of production, that’s why we chose to work with Harris (the owner of the studio) once again. He completely understands our sound, our vision about music and he is always willing to experiment with different sounds, techniques and tricks. This has to do with the general “no boundaries” approach that we have as a band. It was a really fun process but really exhausting, since we all have other stuff going on such as university studies, jobs etc.

Are these songs full of hooks and satisfying songwriting?

Well, if this is what you think I won’t disagree at all, hahaha. Music is perceived different by each individual. I think that’s highly positive that you find the album full of hooks, because it firstly shows that you have listened to it closely. Moreover, it proves that there is a lot of information if you scratch its surface.

Does the band move between very fast moments in the vein of Solstice, Demolition Hammer, Sadus etc. and mid-tempo sections where creepy melodies and a thicker atmosphere seep in that are much closer to classic American Death Metal like Morbid Angel or Cannibal Corpse?

This is a pretty accurate description to be honest. All the bands you mentioned are hugely influenced us. However I have to stress something that I regularly say. Our music has no boundaries at all. We have a huge variety of influences that are based on what we listen to every day. These range from classical music and jazz to Extreme Metal and Hardcore Punk. But of course, it’s natural for some of these influences to be more apparent (especially bands like Morbid Angel and Demolition Hammer) since we play the genre of deathrash and these are basically some of our favorite bands regardless of what genre they belong to.

In your opinion the high-flying riffs and somber interludes working in tandem to create plenty of memorable moments? Is there a good mixture of paces and moods and the band’s grasp of dynamics and transitions is strong?

Yes, exactly. It’s really nice to have these “mood changes” in the compositions. And of course, the album is best listened as an entire piece of unseparated work. I think this goes for every full length album in recorded history. You have to listen the album in its entirety, the same way you would read a book in its entirety without skipping any chapters.

You flirt a little with Black Metal riffing on After Your Eternity, I Am Become Death or Herald of Defiance, but for the most part you focus on spinning out relentless and well-crafted Death/Thrash, only with tighter performances and more professional songwriting than before. Do you agree with it?

Yes, I agree 100%. And this has to do with the aforementioned facts about our influences. Moreover though, it has to do with how we vision our music. We aim forward all the time and we always want to push everything one or two steps further and higher. We always aim on expanding the variety of the compositions in terms of structure, riffing, and overall experimentations. According to our opinion this is the true spirit of extreme music, and extreme art in general. Boundaries exist only to be broken.

Are the songs built on heavy, meaty riffs and a startling degree of technicality in the musicianship, especially in Giorgos top-notch drum work?

It’s a huge part of our compositions indeed. We want to sound as tight as humanly possible. That’s also a key ingredient of true extreme music. Wanting to always sound better than your yesterday’s self. The highly technical drum parts and riffage are the result of relentless practice sessions. We despise the modern approach of “metal” bands that base their studio outputs on editing. You should always sound as great as you really are. And of course, the live performances MUST be better than the studio outputs.

Like its predecessor Malevolent Demise Incarnation shows no signs of weakness and presented as a direct album without any compromise. Did you develope a lot in terms of skills, songwriting etc.? Where do you find the differences (and/or the similarities) between Paroxysm… and Malevolent…?

To me, and to us it’s a true product of extreme human art, expression and mentality. I think the greatest difference lies in what each of the records wanted to sound like. During the Paroxysm of Hatred sessions, we wanted to sound like an relentless deathrash Armageddon. The difference is that in the latest album, the deathrash element is still apparent and consists the main ingredient, however we expanded our sound creating a more original musical identity.

What kind of feedbacks did you get on the album so far?

Up to now the feedback is great and really heartwarming. It’s really moving to see people from all around the world appreciating something that is basically our artistic offspring.

How about your future plans?

Currently the band’s plans consist of performing live across Europe (and outside of it) as soon as the situation allows it.

Apostolos, thank you for your answers! Any closing words for our readers?

Thank you so much for this interview and for this chance to speak to your readers! We will soon make it to a stage near you to unleash our Deathrash Misanthropy! ONWARDS TO TOTAL DEATH!

[aion-rsa]

Ranking The Jeopardy! Guest Hosts So Far

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When Jeopardy! GOAT contestant Brad Rutter spoke to Den of Geek earlier this year, he shared his opinion that there is only one perfect Jeopardy! host to replace the departed Alex Trebek. 

“Alex,” Rutter said. “But we can’t do it, unfortunately. That’s one of the terrible things about it. I can’t even really imagine what it’s going to be like.”

Alex Trebek was about as irreplaceable as a TV personality can be. As the host and quiz master of Jeopardy! for 37 years, the Canadian entertainer was the perfect combination of studious, professional, and playful. Following Trebek’s death from pancreatic cancer in November 2020, Jeopardy!’s producers realized there was no point in replacing the TV giant with only one host. 

For all of 2021, Jeopardy! has been going with a host-by-committee approach, giving several pop culture figures the opportunity to try their hand at shepherding the game show in two-week increments. This parade of guest hosts is in part a way to honor Trebek’s legacy. It’s also an open audition to provide fresh blood with an opportunity to claim the job of a television mainstay. 

With that in mind, here are our rankings of how each guest host has performed thus far. 

11. Dr. Mehmet Oz

Show Air Dates: March 22, 2021 – April 2, 2021

No.

10. Savannah Guthrie

Show Air Dates: June 14, 2021 – June 25, 2021

Savannah Guthrie is an amiable and professional TV presence in her day job as the co-anchor of NBC’s Today. In her time as a Jeopardy! host, however, she came off as essentially filler. As is the case with most of the entrants on this list (save for the quack above), Guthrie was perfectly fine as Jeopardy! host. But while she got the job done, she did so without any particular distinction.

Guthrie also interjected a bit too frequently after contestant’s answers. Though that’s an admirable attempt to interject some of her sunny personality into the proceedings, the role of Jeopardy! host often calls for less rather than more. As such her two-week run as host is likely to be the end of the line for her hosting quest.

9. Anderson Cooper

Show Air Dates: April 19, 2021 – April 30, 2021

Anderson Cooper is a good journalist and compelling TV presence. When it comes to Jeopardy!, however, he’s definitely not the right man for the job. Cooper is somewhat fortunate that human trainwreck Dr. Oz hosted first and gobbled up the lion’s share of bad Jeopardy! host press. Otherwise people may have noticed that Cooper did fairly poorly in his two-week stint.

Cooper seemingly didn’t prepare as intensely as Trebek or the other guest hosts as there would frequently be awkward pauses following contestants’ answers while the host checked if they were right. As a result, the number of Jeopardy! rounds not completed under Cooper’s tenure was unusually high. It’s a small issue, but an impactful one.

8. Katie Couric

Show Air Dates: March 8, 2021- March 19, 2021

Couric’s tenure as Jeopardy! host was the victim of bad timing. She had the tough act of following two guest hosts who were extremely steeped in the show’s history in culture in official Greatest of All Time Ken Jennings and executive producer Mike Richards. 

The longtime media personality ultimately did a fair job as host, with her only major flaw being interjecting a bit too frequently during rounds. Unfortunately, she doesn’t stack up well to the pros that preceded her.

7. Aaron Rodgers

Show Air Dates: April 5, 2021 – April 16, 2021

While the presence of a NFL star may seem like a desperate ratings grab from Jeopardy!, Green Bay Packers quarterback and former Celebrity Jeopardy! champ Aaron Rodgers is apparently dead serious about wanting the full-time hosting job, telling The Ringer that he could easily fit the show’s shooting schedule into his NFL obligations. 

Rodgers’ eagerness was evident over the first week and led to him coming across as a bit too excitable. He really settled into the role in his second week though and projected the correct balance of expertise and personability. 

6. Dr. Sanjay Gupta

Show Air Dates: June 28, 2021 – July 9, 2021

Perhaps this is a simple observation, but it’s really something to see how natural and poised TV veterans are on television. As CNN’s chief medical correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta has plenty of experience in front of a camera. And that experience absolutely came through in his two-week stint as Jeopardy! host.

Gupta did little to distinguish himself from the favorites to take over hosting job later on this list, but there were absolutely no hiccups during his tenure – just two weeks of excellent Jeopardy! that also happened to feature the season’s most fearsome contestant yet in seven-time winner Courtney Shah.

5. Bill Whitaker

Show Air Dates: May 3, 2021 – May 14, 2021

In contrast to Aaron Rodgers, Bill Whitaker apparently has no interest in holding down the full-time Jeopardy! job, telling The Philadelphia Tribune that he enjoys his current gig as a CBS journalist. That’s a shame as Whitaker came off as quite a natural during his two-week stint. 

Soft-spoken and consistent, Whitaker was such a steadying presence in his time as host to the point that the novelty of there even being a guest host began to wear off. Ultimately he might be a little too one-note for a full-time Jeopardy! host but his time on the dais was well spent. 

4. Ken Jennings 

Show Air Dates: January 4, 2021 – February 19, 2021

In the Jeopardy! canon Ken Jennings is the only figure that approaches the quiz show sainthood of Alex Trebek himself. Jennings is the most impressive and successful Jeopardy! contestant of all time, winning 74 consecutive games, amassing over $4 million in earnings, and taking home the title of Jeopardy! GOAT in 2020. When he was brought aboard as a consulting producer on Jeopardy! last year, many naturally assumed he was being groomed for the hosting role.

Sure enough, Jennings was announced as the first guest host of 2021 and got the year started on the right track with over a month of excellent hosting. Jennings has said that part of the key to Trebek’s success with Jeopardy! was his intuitive understanding that the star of the show wasn’t any host or contestant, but rather the show itself. Jennings put that understanding to good use, using his wealth of experience to make the game show feel both friendly and satisfyingly competitive. 

Jennings would be a fine choice for Jeopardy! host. Perhaps his only real weakness, however, is…the tweeting, as it always seems to be. Jennings has tweeted jokes that toe the line between bad taste and offensive in the past, something that he apologized for last year. The issue with Jennings on Twitter  though isn’t the risk of future offensive tweets but rather his continued use of Twitter at all along with the rest of us plebs.

Jeopardy! seemingly exists outside of time itself. Save for improved graphics and Trebek’s graying hair, the show has remained largely the same since it premiered. The Platonic ideal of a Jeopardy! host would seem like he or she was spawned from the set itself, returning backstage to sit on their trivia throne and contemplate the mysteries of life between tapings. 

3. Mayim Bialik

Show Air Dates: May 31, 2021 – June 11, 2021

Mayim Bialik was a real pleasant surprise in her stint as host. In fact, she’s the best Jeopardy! guest host yet who was not previously affiliated with the show. Bialik leaned more toward the friendly end of the familiar/authoritative Jeopardy! hosting ratio, which is particularly impressive given her academic background as a literal neuroscientist. She kept up that energy throughout but was able to establish a nice balance in her second week.

As a longtime Big Bang Theory cast member, Bialik certainly doesn’t need the Jeopardy! hosting gig to pay the bills. But her experience in front of a live-studio audience and a clear passion for learning could prove useful in the position.

2. Buzzy Cohen

Show Air Dates: May 17, 2021 – May 28, 2021

On the flip side of Bill Whitaker, Buzzy Cohen may at first seem like too dynamic of a personality to work as a Jeopardy! guest host. His fun nickname, distinctive eyewear, and trendy haircut are at odds with such an ancient and venerated TV institution. 

As host of Jeopardy!’s Tournament of Champions, however, Cohen was consistently great. Due to his time as a Jeopardy! champion himself, Cohen empathizes with contestants easily and keeps things going at a rapidly appropriate pace for the competitive tournament known as “The Nerd Super Bowl.”

Could Cohen still succeed in shepherding the game show when played by its more “normal” contestants? He certainly deserves some consideration to do so.

1. Mike Richards

Show Air Dates: February 22, 2021- March 5, 2021

Alex Trebek would occasionally be asked in interviews who he’d like to replace him. It was not a question he frequently answered because who would want to speculate about an event that would presumably only occur after their death. He often joked that Betty White should because she was a close friend. But in the few instances he did consider the question seriously, he offered up Los Angeles Kings play-by-play announcer Alex Faust, Turner Classic Movies host Ben Makiewicz, and CNN legal analyst Laura Coates. Ultimately, however, he told journalists at the Television Critics Association press tour that he “would leave it up to the people in charge.”

Well, what if one of those mythical people in charge was the right choice to host all along? Mike Richards is an executive producer for Jeopardy! and its Merv Griffin-created syndicated companion Wheel of Fortune. Richards has a long history of producing other game shows like Weakest Link, The Price is Right, and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? He’s even hosted a couple of game shows of his own such as Beauty and the Geek and The Pyramid. After Ken Jennings served his month-long stint as host, Richards stepped in for two weeks, seemingly only to buy the show some time before it could set up more guest hosts.

Richard’s two-week tenure as guest host, however, was absolutely superb. Despite the stuffy connotation associated with the job “executive producer”, Richards was the most outwardly bubbly and joyful guest host yet. He still projected an air of authority and trivia mastery, likely due to his comfort and experience with the format. Richards was also an attentive interviewer, and well-researched – his shows were among the smoothest this season thus far. 

Richards lacks important name recognition (in fact, his name is about as generic as they come) and would not win Jeopardy! any more viewers on star power alone. It also must be said that Jeopardy! could stand to diversify the syndicated TV game a bit with this hosting decision by choosing a woman or person of color.

Whether Richards is selected as the full time host remains to be seen. But as executive producer, he’ll be involved in the decision one way or another. And if his talent scouting is anywhere near as good as his hosting ability, then there is nothing to worry about. 

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Still to come: George Stephanopoulos (Show Air Dates: July 12, 2021 – July 16, 2021), Robin Roberts (Show Air Dates: July 19, 2021 – July 23, 2021), LeVar Burton (Show Air Dates: July 26, 2021 – July 30, 2021), David Faber (Show Air Dates: August 2, 2021 – August 6, 2021), Joe Buck (Show Air Dates: August 9, 2021 – August 13, 2021)

The post Ranking The Jeopardy! Guest Hosts So Far appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[bjones21]

Even as a lowly office grunt, you can do a lot to improve workplace diversity

Welcome to The Broadside, a careers newsletter. Here’s what to expect in this issue.

Broadside writer Kristine Gill offers advice from experts on how you can improve workplace diversity, even if you’re not high up. Then, scroll on for job opportunities from Lowe’s, Trader Joe’s, Waymo and more.

Black Lives Matter protests are changing things. Big brands have been updating the names of their products, banning confederate flags, and unearthing and punishing racist comments. Companies are making ambitious pledges to tackle diversity with renewed vigor.

If you’re low on the totem pole at your workplace, though, you may feel like you’re cheering from the sidelines instead of helping the charge. But there’s plenty to do in the office, especially for white allies, even if you aren’t in charge of hiring decisions or diversity task forces—a good thing, perhaps, considering they don’t really work.

“This is about personal accountability,” says Risha Grant, a diversity, inclusion and bias expert based in Tulsa, Okla. “Whether companies do anything at all—and don’t get me wrong, they should—you have to be personally responsible for the things you do and the things you put out there.”

Here’s how experts say you can effect change at your job and within your industry, no matter where you fall in the ranks.

“Say, ‘So and so had a great idea earlier.‘”

As women, we’re frequently interrupted during meetings and even in one-on-one conversations. It happens even more to Black women.

Nonblack women: If you witness it, interject on their behalf.

UK-based author and anti-racism activist Sophie Williams talks about this and other issues only Black women face in the office in her upcoming book Millennial Black. Due out spring 2021, it is geared toward white allies. Her other title, Anti-Racist Ally will address similar issues when it’s published this fall.

“We talk a lot about amplifying voices online, but you also have to amplify in your day-to-day life,” she says. “So if someone gets cut off, you can say, ‘I don’t think Sophie was quite finished with that.’”

You can also make room for your Black colleagues at these meetings by giving them the floor.

“Maybe earlier that day you had an exchange with someone and they had a great idea. You can say, ‘So and so had a great idea earlier,’ and allow that person to finish their thought,” Grant also says. “It’s truly important that their voices are heard around the table.”

And be sure to use your voice when it’s perhaps most critical: standing up to racist comments.

“You can let someone know, ‘I do not stand with you,’” Grant says. “And we don’t do that. We’re really passive about it and we let it go.”

“Start this informal network.”

If your office is lacking diversity, don’t give up hope. There are plenty of ways to network with fellow industry professionals as a Black employee or nonblack ally.

Try starting a happy hour or conference meet-up with employees of other companies in your industry. Or, plan something more formal. Williams points to Pocc, a group in London that originally started as a WhatsApp chat for people of color to vent about what they were experiencing as minorities working in media and the arts. It eventually grew to become a community of talent working to further each other’s careers for the benefit of their industries.

“That sort of validated their experiences. It showed that they weren’t in wrong; they were being gaslit,” Williams said. “And then they were able to start this informal network, which is now a place where brands are coming to [in order] to hire people, where people are coming to [in order] to find like-minded people.”

You don’t have to feel stuck in a silo. There are good groups out there doing the work, and, if you do have to leave your workplace, good companies out there happy to have you.

“Strike up a friendship.”

When Dee Poku Spalding, a New York-based entrepreneur and women’s advocate, started her first job, she was the only woman of color in her office. At times, that fact caused anxiety. Having a friend would have eased the burden.

“Certainly you’re not going to go over and say, ‘Hey, I recognize you’re a minority.’ That’s awful,” she says. “But you can strike up a friendship the way you would any other friendship and go from there. It’s not about weird overtures for people, but about recognizing that they’re alone and being there for them.”

Then, take it a step further. Even if you aren’t in charge of hiring, Spalding says to suggest friends of color for positions at your company when they’re a good fit.

“It’s going to be easier for them to rise to the top of the pile if they’ve come from an internal connection,” she says.

Put simply, Grant adds: “You can be human. No one is insignificant in this movement.”

“Be open about pay.”

Williams says one of the biggest ways Black women suffer in the workplace comes down to their paychecks. Black women are paid 39% less than white men and 21% less than white women, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research.

“The way that we find out about disparity is by talking to people who are different from us. So if you’re not a marginalized person, being open about [pay] can allow other people to see sort of those gaps,” she says. “That can show what the playing field is.”

Armed with that information, Black women can leverage for better pay when it comes to annual review or future hiring negotiations. (It’s worth noting, though, that Black women do ask for promotions and raises at about the same rate as white women, but still get worse results.)

“Seek out a mentee.”

This goes for everyone—men and women of all colors, says Poku. If there’s a young person of color in your office who is new to the field or the gig, offer to meet up for coffee to talk about their career. Make it casual if you’re unsure the offer will be well-received, but offer to network on their behalf if it is.

“That sort of mentorship is incredible,” she says. “I definitely had white men who were sort of informal mentors to me and I found that incredibly valuable. There wasn’t anyone inside my company but outside my company. And we didn’t talk about race ever, but they certainly opened doors, [and] just gave me another perspective on things that I found really helpful.”

Since the Black Lives Matter movement heated up, Poku Spalding has heard from several colleagues offering to mentor Black women in their fields, and she’s been making those connections.

“It’s very well-received for a mentor to seek out a mentee,” Poku Spalding says. “I think they’d love an offer, so they don’t have to be the one to ask. When it’s the other way around, you sometimes feel that you’re imposing. When a mentor seeks you out, there’s something really empowering about that.”

“Start a sort of internal pressure group.”

Those task forces and initiatives can be empty gestures that don’t effect much change.

Instead, Grant suggests employee-led initiatives with supervisor buy-in. Called employee resource groups or business resource groups, they’re typically broken down into different minority groups: Black women, LGBTQ groups, Latina women, etc.

If you start a sort of program within your workplace, try to get approval from the top dogs.

“If the top-level leadership is not engaged, it’s hard to go anywhere. I don’t care what your initiative is, it typically stalls with mid-level managers because they’re not trained to deal with it and they have so much going on,” Grant says. “You have to empower them and it has to come from the top. People need to know this is how our CEO feels.”

In fact, Williams suggests a more disruptive approach.

“You can start a sort of internal pressure group. You’re joining forces and you’re saying, ‘The ways you’ve tried to dismiss me aren’t going to work,’” she says. “Troublemakers are great. Troublemakers make change.”

Facing pushback? Companies still working at diversity and inclusion need to be reminded that they too benefit when minority employees are able to perform their best.

“If I’m at work all day in a toxic environment, I cannot give you the best that I have,” Grant says. “So how does our workplace culture need to change so that I’m safe, I’m comfortable, I can authentically show up as who I am every day?”

— Kristine Gill