#also this SHOULD go without saying but dont you DARE tag as ship

[haunted-xander]

I keep thinking about baby Athena & Simon

[raveneira]

Random but i miss 2020/21/22 when the KawaSara fandom was so active, now i barely see people talking about them or making content. Someone needs to bring back the KawaSara fandom somehow😭.

Ikr? its not much but I am trying to bring the fandom back to life as best I can but Im pretty much a one woman army lol plus a lot of personal life stuff has had me busy which hindered my efforts a bit that Im trying to make up for now, starting with hosting this years KawaSara week since the original organizers didn't do it last year and didn't appear to be going to this year either, so I took over because I knew we had support, fans were telling me how sad they were that it didn't happen last year and was begging for someone to organize it this year, so I took that upon myself to do because I didn't wanna see the week not happen this year either because nobody else stepped up to make it happen.

It sucks how so many got run off by bsa constantly harassing them and making them fearful of even making content for the ship because they knew they would get harassed and didn't wanna deal with it.

Alot of ppl also lost faith in the ship, which is understandable, but stupid IMO because there are ships that have gone through worse than KawaSara and became canon but for some reason ppl treated this like 'oh no, conflict, no way this is happening' and Im just like...danm yall really don't know how shipping works huh? but I mean to each their own but like Vegebul is right there if you wanna see a ship thats been through some REAL shit and look at em now.

It's like todays new age shipping everything has to be smooth sailing, super healthy, super pure, minimal to no conflict, for ppl to ship it and believe it'll be canon when that just isn't how it goes.

Like I even saw a shade tweet one time talkin about 'I actually like my ships vanilla, whats wrong with actually wanting a healthy ship built on mutual respect and positive development without any conflict or drama etc' and Im just like...OK? who tf said you couldn't? but these newbies actually treat shipping like some purity contest and have a weird superiority complex for liking the 'healthier' ships and anyone who doesn't like the 'healthy' ship are weird and horrible and don't care about xyz characters etc

Its so dumb, and childish, if all storytellers followed their logic then we wouldn't have some of the best ships in fiction because only the 'healthy' ones would be canon.

Nobody is saying they cant like healthy ships, but doing so does not make them superior to anyone else nor does it give them the right to dictate what other ppl should ship simply because they disagree and think only healthy ships should be supported, thats what ppl have a problem with. You can argue the opposite side has done the same but there is a big difference in severity between the two, 'healthy' shippers act way more superior and aggressive than 'toxic' shippers [as they call them] are.

But on the bright side KawaSara week has been announced to be happening this year and a surprising amount of ppl liked and retweeted it, so it just goes to show KawaSara fans DO still exist and enjoy the ship, they just went quiet or into hiding because of the harrassment.

And guess what? even tho the event page was specifically tagged KAWASARA don't you know antis 'somehow' found it? not even a day passed since it was posted before multiple antis flocked to the announcement to talk shit, that is a prime example right there why KawaSara fans got so quiet and discouraged from making content and talking about the ship, because THIS is what happens when you dare not fall in line with the BoruSara hivemind cult.

If you dont treat Sarada like Borutos exclusive property whos whole world and character revolves around him, then you don't care about Sarada or her feelings

Their logic not mine, so if you dare pair Sarada with someone other than Boruto who they believe owns her, then you don't care about her. If you don't support the narrative THEY set for her regardless if its been confirmed or stated as a canon fact or not, then you don't care about her because fanon interpretations > canon.

This is why I say this behavior screams insecure, I dunno how you could be the most popular ship with the biggest fandom and the most support, a hug in both the anime and manga, being 'fed good' more than any other ship, yet still be THIS triggered by KawaSara just EXISTING

keep in mind this is the ship they claim is dead, a crackship with zero chance of happening, yet they get so riled up everytime KawaSara is mentioned or so much as have a crumb together they all flock to try and discredit and undermine it, if KawaSara fans just have even a tiny bit of fun and happiness with the ship they come flocking to discourage you and make you feel bad.

That level of obsession with a ship you claim has NO CHANCE and is a non threat because your ship is already canon and set in stone, admit it or not, but their behavior screams that their threatened and arent really confident in their ship themselves which is why they feel the need to try and keep KawaSara down to lift themselves up because its the only way they feel secure, by making US go away, and when we don't, they get mad, because for some odd reason they just cant stand to see another shp besides BoruSara getting attention, love, and support, it drives them MAD.

Which is why you cant convince me their not insecure about their ship, that their not threatened by KawaSara, because to put it into perspective think about it like this, do you see SNS being bothered by SasuHinas existence? no right? know why? cuz their secure in their ship and don't feel threatened by SH, so SH is free to exist openly without SNS harassing them because they don't care, SH is irrelevant and has zero impact on them.

Thats how you would think BoruSara would be given how they boast about themselves, how much they have going for em, their popularity, their support, many moments, you'd think they'd be on cloud 9 not even paying little ol KawaSara and BoruSumi any mind but they do, and for some reason its KawaSara especially that gets under their skin more than anything which is strange tbh since thats the ship thats not even semi canon yet.

Lemme put that into perspective, they are more insecure about a ship thats not even semi canon yet, than BoruMitsu, BoruSumi, KawaAda and BoruAda that are semi canon [since many bsa also ship ksu] let that sink in.

I dunno why they have such a specific hatred towards KawaSara, maybe its because a lot of them hate Kawaki, and because Boruto is the top male prize and Sarada is the top female prize in their eyes, therefore nobody else is good enough for them but each other. And by top prizes, Im talking primarily about eugenics and status.

Read between the lines, what was Sakura? the pretty girl all the guys wanted, what was Sasuke? the cool handsome guy from a prestigious clan all the girls wanted, now what is Sarada? the cool pretty Uchiha princess, what is Boruto? the cool young lord all the girls fall for, their not subtle about it at all.

They discredit Sumire's feelings as insincere so she don't feel like a threat, they diminish and downplay Kawakis bond with team 7 and insist he's not even a part of it, they weirdly were fixated on Kawaki's body being inorganic and therefor concluding he was infertile and therefore couldn't have kids and therefore that'd be the end of the Uchiha clan if she was with him [which is telling of how they perceive her that her primary goal in the relationship would be popping babies, not love] they deny Kawaki as a part of the Uzumaki fam, saying he's unworthy, Naruto should disown him, etc etc, to keep him as the worthless orphan that deserves to die they want him to be.

Again, read between the lines, they dont give a danm about Boruto and Sarada together fr fr, this ship is about eugenics, this ship is about being able to brag about the young lord baggin the Uchiha heiress/Hokage, its about bragging rights, its about having the ship with the 2 biggest prizes, its about OP babies finally fulfilling their long weirdly held desire to see what those clan bloodlines mixed together would create, its about saying you don't want SS 2.0 except when its the ship you want then suddenly its A-ok

Foh man

Sorry I went on a bit of a rant but It really is annoying that KawaSara fans cant just exist in peace and always gotta hear them telling us why we shouldn't ship it, why it has no chance, why BoruSara is so superior and set in stone and we should just accept it yatta yatta yatta instead of just minding their danm business.

Yes I know all fandoms are guilty of this, but none like BoruSara, why? cuz its a far bigger fanbase with more support and they use it to their advantage, doesn't help that a lot of boruto stans support the ship as well as many Sarada fans [mostly Boruto stans tho] they even have SS and NH support too, so you cannot compare it. Their a much larger fandom with way more support that makes it extremely easy for them to bully every other fandom because their much smaller and they know it, everyone knows it, but they get away with it cuz whos gonna stop em? their the biggest and the loudest and therefore are right by default because the smaller fandoms are just 'haters' and 'jealous' 😒 lemme stop here

Bottom line I agree, it was nice back then before Ikemoto changed so much when he took over the writing after Kodachi left, ever since then he has completely butchered Sarada's character beyond recognition, not because she understandably cares and worries about her friend, but because thats ALL she cares and worries about, I don't think anyone has even noticed that Sarada hasn't mentioned Naruto or her mother once since the timeskip started besides that one speech that wasn't about either of them, but just about her defending Boruto, not about any grief over her idol being killed, not remorse for sending her dad away and leaving her mom without her husband, no the one and only time she mentions them is to defend Boruto which is abusmal, she didn't even mention her own dad until Boruto MADE her ask about him.

If thats the ship you want me to support then Im good, I don't want a ship where her only personality trait, motivations, goals, and character as a whole revolves entirely around a man and nothing else, just how to make HIS life better and being there for HIS pain and growth and only lifting HIM up while staying in the background doing nothing and having nothing going on for herself.

I know this may sound like 'but wait that makes it sound like KawaSara wont be canon' no Im not saying that, KawaSara is not off the table even with all that bs Ikemoto has done so far, like I said with Vegebul and just shipping in general, just because things look bad doesn't mean you lost, you haven't lost until somethings made official.

Are BoruSara together? no, are they semi canon? no, have either of them been shown or confirmed to have romantic feelings for each other? no, so nothing is lost yet, even if they were semi canon that still wouldn't be a loss because the other half has to reciprocate, like just cuz Sakura, Ino, and Karin liked Sasuke didn't mean he had to reciprocate any of them, just like even if Sarada liked Boruto doesn't mean he has to reciprocate those feelings or vice versa.

The only time a ship has truely 'lost' is when its actually dead, like one half of it dies for example, or its rival ship gets together, or their relationship is ruined beyond repair, like to the point of no possibility of redemption, only then has a ship truely 'lost' and 'died'

So no, none of this is me saying KawaSara cant still happen, it definitely can, especially with Ikemoto and Kishimoto saying Kawaki would be getting more development soon so there's that, if we get more Kawaki focus there might be some Sarada focus in there too in between. I don't wanna speculate tho but thats just a possibility Im throwing out there.

Regardless, sorry for the rant, but I'm really frustrated by this too because its 2024 now and ppl still cant leave KawaSara tf alone? thats what I meant when I said they take advantage of their size, they know they can silence us, but nobody can silence them, and that pisses me off but what can you do.

But hopefully the announcement of KawaSara week this year will get the fandom active and making content again for fans to enjoy, I will try to contribute something myself, I can understand why a lot of ppl might not wanna bother because of the hate they know they'll receive but I hope they don't let that stop them, it was bad enough KawaSara week wasn't hosted last year and everyone was really bummed about it, I don't want them to be happy seeing it happen this year only to not participate because antis wont let them have fun and enjoy the event in peace 🙏 I really hope the fam stays strong and don't let antis stop them from enjoying THEIR event.

[bulbabutt]

actually... going more into this despite knowing its probably a bad idea. knowing i will absolutely get in trouble. you guys probably know what the hell im referring to even if i dont say it.

it is not the end of the world if you interact with someone who simply... follows things that give you an ick. like some of you guys are really expecting people to just... be super fucking ashamed of everything, and that lands you and them in one of two places.

repressing any desires to look at anything slightly taboo, forcing yourself into being righteous and pure and gaining this sense of morality for THOUGHT CRIMES. which can hit you harder and make you feel more ashamed of your own desires which can have consequences later.

or forcing yourself to fully commit to the taboo. saying 'if you've ever looked at that, if you find enjoyment in SOME of that, thats all you are now! thats your side of the line that we've drawn so stay over there!' which means you cant then wind back and say 'hey maybe i DONT actually like this' because its too late. your side was chosen when you ever chose to be into that!

i think thats a really fucking unhealthy way to look at anything. its not good for anyone to be stuck in that kind of dichotomy of 'you either engage with perverts and thats all you are' or 'you are chaste and pure and make wholesome art'

you should be allowed to explore things if you want to, but not have it define you, and not fucking feel like youre going to be dragged through the street if you ever dare crossing some made up boundary.

i dont know how many of you remember when nsfw was allowed on this website, but i swear it didnt used to feel like this. i swear there was the healthy middle ground of just... accepting that people can be horny on the internet and its not a big deal. people would tag things, put warnings, say 'engage if you feel comfortable'. this used to be more of a safe haven for healthy sexual content, and now its forced on...... twitter and twitter clones, where the culture is just 'out anyone who engages in horny behaviour!!!'

and in before anyone says 'but the minors' guys idk how to tell you this but.... most people do engage with pornographic material before they are 18 years old. the little 'are you 18' on porn sites boxes can be clicked by anyone. and sometimes i wanna just shout and scream that like 'hey! where would YOU rather a minor first learn about sex from?! what the hell do you think the most popular porn categories are?? is that all you want them to ever see?? mass marketed patriarchal and racist and trans misogynistic videos?? youd rather that have them find porn of their favourite ship??' like. im not saying they should be engaging with all nsfw content. but they ARE GOING TO IF THEY WANT TO no matter what.

im not saying i think what im saying is totally correct or without its own bad ideas, i just think it makes me miserable to see this unhealthy outlook on sex and kink and whatever else thats poured in from other social media websites. people arent horrible people for making art thats weird or kinky that makes you uncomfortable! im not saying you ever have to look at it! im just saying people arent EVIL for making it!

and that isnt to say if people are being kinky in your face when you dont want them to that that isnt also a problem! but THATS the part where you say 'go away i dont like that'. not just because they engage with things in PRIVATE! in their own spaces where theyre not even asking you to go!

being ashamed for ever talking to someone who has a kink they didnt tell you about is really weird!!! OUTING them for it is worse!!!

be fucking kind to each other. bridge a fucking gap once in a while, i swear more people than you think do actually have feelings that arent totally pure sometimes. and thats okay!!! if youre not fucking hurting somebody, if youre not TRYING to make someone uncomfortable WHO CARES!!!

do what you want just be fucking respectful. know your own boundaries, respect others boundaries. thats all you gotta do.

i dont know how to put this delicately. i dont know how to put it in a way that doesnt get me put on a fucking blacklist. but HONESTLY? im so tired right now.

please kill the cop in your head. like some of you are so into being a fucking surveillance state of 'this person talked to that person who followed this person who promoted this' and i just... guys. if no one is actually fucking being hurt?? and nothing 'inappropriate' is actually BEING promoted? why the hell are you telling people about shit you STALKED THEM to find out?? you genuinely dont fucking know people and you have a warped sense of morality about it. THATS whats going to get people hurt. when shit in this world starts goes south really soon and you start noticing the more open kinks of queer people on the internet, i sure hope you dont start selling them out as perverts just to justify yourself as 'one of the good ones'. cuz thats the slippery slope youre on with the way you talk sometimes. learn some fucking history about the ways in which these kind of justifications have been used in the past.

im a visibly queer adult with other shit going on i do not fucking care if someone has a side thing they arent fucking telling you about. its weird that youre telling me. im TIRED of you trying to tell me. im never gonna fucking answer these things because its MESSED UP! im not joining a fucking hate parade!

fucking kill the cop in your head. i mean that. its an important lesson to learn, and i get some of you are young and you dont get why yet, but one day youre gonna regret being like this. one day when you realize youve made people unsafe you will feel really fucking bad about it. this world is hateful enough right now without needing to fucking dog pile on people who are keeping to themselves. and if theyre not? block them and move on. why is that so fucking hard?

a fucking hate campaign game of telephone only serves to make people feel unsafe. I FEEL UNSAFE around you people. have you never been on the receiving end of group harassment before? i have. as a teenager! back when the internet was MORE anonymous than it is now! got my shit plastered on bigoted sites where people were sending me death and rape threats to my inbox every day for weeks. thats the end result of what youre doing to people. it WILL become co opted by those kinds of people.

just because something gives you an ick, it doesnt mean someone is a morally reprehensible person. it doesnt mean they deserve to feel unsafe in the world. block it and move the fuck on. youre going to get someone hurt. you probably already have.

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

[firelxdykatara]

not gonna lie I would love to hear more about the drama and infighting that went on in The Vampire Diaries fandom if you have the time (and also want to use that time to give your experience with the fandom, which from the snippets you've told sounds Not Fun so I get it if you don't want to lol)

oh god, there was like, SO MUCH, i just

i really feel like tvd is one of those fandoms that is so hard to describe without a lot of ‘you’d have to have been there’, but it really felt like this huge and all-consuming beast for about five years until the show finally imploded and the fandom basically turned on it en masse. (you ever see that post going around that’s like ‘if you ever want to know what true regret feels like, ask someone who once called tvd their favorite show’? still a mood, all these years later. basically the entire fandom thought the show should have just bowed out with whatever shreds of dignity it had left at the end of season 6, and became more of a hatedom than a fandom for the last two seasons. when you have an entire fandom cheering news of your show’s cancellation, i think that’s a sign you done fucked up, julie.)

first and most infamous, of course, are the ship wars. which are pretty much inevitable in any teen-centered drama, and i really think the CW fucking thrives on them, but it was particularly egregious in TVD’s case because not only was the base premise of the show a love triangle, but the two main romantic leads were brothers that the show constantly pit against one another--in pursuit of elena’s affections, but also because it kept up this insistence on the ‘good brother/bad brother’ dichotomy which stopped making sense after about season 2 (by which time we have found out that the good brother was never as good as he appeared, and the bad brother has been growing and isn’t nearly as bad as he pretends to be)--and the question of which brother ‘deserved’ elena (and no, what elena wanted very rarely factored into these discussions, especially in the team stefan camp because they turned on her when what she wanted was no longer The Good Brother, but i’ll get to that in a bit) was hotly contested.

i’m not kidding when i say the shipping wars were vicious. i started watching tvd shortly after it began to air, which was late 2009, and kept up with it fairly sporadically over the years. i didn’t come onto tumblr until 2011/2012, and by then, the fandom was already pretty much a garbagefire. there were anti ship and anti character blogs, any time something bad happened for one ship the rival ship would invade the tags to gloat about it (seasons 3 and 4 were especially rough, and i’m not gonna pretend delena fans weren’t just as bad about tag invasion and shit, but as that was my side of the road i saw a lot more of the stelena shippers being assholes, which soured my opinion on the ship a long time before i started rewatching and realized the red flags were there from the start), confessions blogs were popular also toxic as fuck (so much fighting happened in the notes of those posts, good gods), and this was right around when twitter’s popularity was on the rise and the line between Celebrity and Fan was thinning, so the fandom was absolutely atrocious to much of the tvd cast and crew.

(some of them deserved a lot of the later backlash, but in the early years a lot of it was ‘how dare you write the story in a way i dont like, you terrible fucking person’, and gods don’t get me started on the dobsley vs nian Thing)

i think what really encapsulates my feelings on the tvd fandom as a whole, though, is the way they (to this DAY) treated elena gilbert, which can be summed up in one meme that gained a lot of traction around season 3 if i remember right: that gif of pam from true blood, with the text altered to read “i’m so OVER elena and her precious doppelganger vagina!”

i swear at one time i had over half the active tvd fan accounts on tumblr blocked, because i got to a point where i would no longer tolerate elena hate, and she was (and still is, in what remains of the fandom; you’ll see a lot of ‘elena was one of the worst things about the show’ takes from ex-fans, too) one of the most widely despised characters in the entire fandom. because she -checks smudged writing on hand- was a traumatized teenage girl who -reads off a crumpled notecard- couldn’t always perfectly sort out her own feelings and -squints at the ceiling- sometimes made mistakes or bad decisions. (except a lot of the fandom also insisted that she was a mary sue who had no character traits or flaws or faults and it was like....make up your fucking minds???? is she a calculating conniving bitch whose somehow manipulating these centuries old vampires to tie them around her little finger or is she a boring flat character with no depth and no flaws??? jfc)

there was this massive double standard, too--like, stefan and damon could fuck whoever they wanted and that was fine, but elena was constantly raked over the coals for the crime of developing romantic feelings for the two men who had become constants in her life and whom she cared for deeply, and oh my GOD the slut shaming that happened when elena slept with damon was fucking wild. (and also happened in canon lmfao. like the show had one of elena’s best friends basically call her diseased on screen for falling in love with someone other than stefan. it was gross and ridiculous and the friend in question was also being a giant hypocrite at the time since she was happily flirting with someone who was directly responsible for the deaths of like four of elena’s loved ones and her own boyfriend’s mother but that’s beside the point) but like elena was called a slut and a bitch and a whore for ‘cheating’ on stefan (she hadn’t, and she had in fact broken up with him on screen the episode earlier) and ‘immediately’ jumping into bed with damon, even though none of them said fucking boo when stefan had one night stands or damon had fuckbuddies or whatever.

shit, caroline didn’t get any of this treatment when she started falling for tyler while dating matt! which isn’t to say i think she should have, just that i think it’s fucking ridiculous that elena was absolutely demonized by the fandom for daring to have feelings for two guys at once and eventually acting on them--despite the fact that the entire premise of the show was a love triangle. it’s not a love triangle if both sides don’t eventually get explored, and the crew had been pretty explicit about the fact that delena was going to happen at some point--but when it did, a huge chunk of the fandom absolutely threw a fit.

and a lot of these elena haters were alleged stelena stans, and i say alleged because they hated her so much for not wanting stefan’s dick anymore that it was clear they were really stefan stans and only wanted stelena to be endgame because they wanted stefan to ‘win’ at the end of the day, because ‘he’s the good brother’ so he deserved elena more.

it was all very gross and very misogynistic and very sex shaming (apparently delena was a ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’ relationship because they had sex after two years of unrequited feelings slowly becoming requited and then pining for ages on both sides, and because they had a lot of on screen chemistry that the show capitalized on for years so of course they did a lot of making out and shit but it’s not like stelena didn’t have its fair share of making out and sex scenes, stefan was just too much of a coward to let elena top i’d apologize for that joke but i’m really not sorry because it’s true), and when i say it was egged on by the crew, that’s because they refused to let the love triangle die back in season 4 when it should have.

they insisted on stringing stelena fans along, dropping little bread crumbs to keep them invested, like dreams of a future where they were married and revealing that stefan was also a doppelganger and he and elena were descended from a pair of star-crossed lovers (a plot that ultimately went nowhere, to no one’s great surprise), and then fucking like. julie plec turned around and threw nina under the bus after she chose not to extend her contract and pretended that stelena might have happened again if she hadn’t left the show, which....i mean frankly i wouldn’t put it past her, but it would have been shitty writing. then again, she thought having a vampire pregnancy where a uterus was magically transplanted from a witch into a vampire that could somehow......carry the babies to term.... made sense and was a good way to accomodate candice’s RL pregnancy rather than like literally ANYTHING else, soooooo. but anyway julie saying that around like, end of s6 sparked off a new wave of nina hate and elena hate and ship wars bc they SEers took it as ‘confirmation’ that stelena was REALLY meant to be endgame and it was all just a hot fucking mess

another thing is that, while tvd was in its prime before the anti/purity culture shit started picking up any real steam, there was still this pervasive attitude throughout the fandom that if you liked Damon, you were A Bad Person. liking damon was apparently grounds for insults and harassment, and apparently he was The Worst Person on the Show even though literally nothing he does on screen is any worse than shit we know stefan has done (and frankly every other vampire too, but i mention stefan specifically because he was always held up--in the show but especially in the fandom--as the Good Brother while damon was the Bad One, and if you liked damon more then that had to mean your morals were dodgy and you clearly couldn’t appreciate what a heroic and saintly figure dear stefan was and....oops, i’m sorry, my salt keeps leaking -cough-).

meanwhile klaus quickly became a fandom darling despite not even really having much of a redemption arc (on tvd anyway, he just became more ‘affably evil’ as the show went on and more inclined to work with the main characters rather than try to kill them; i have no idea what went on over on his show, though), and like i can 100% appreciate liking villains and not caring that they do dodgy villainous shit, even just liking them bc they’re hot and wanting them to kiss a main character bc they have insanely good chemistry (yes i ship klaroline, no i won’t apologize for it, they could have been Really Great), it’s just really the double standard that gets me.

and all of this, incidentally, required ignoring some truly gross shit stefan was responsible for wrt his relationship with elena, that frankly it has always bothered me never really got addressed in the show. i get why elena herself would never be able to actually call him on it, but the fact is that he stalked her for months after he first saw her and thought she was katherine (meanwhile it only took damon .5 seconds to realize she was someone else entirely, but that’s another topic entirely), and then he deliberately inserted himself into her life because, in his words, ‘i have to know her’. he never gave a thought to how his presence in her life might affect her (or rather, he did, and tormented himself about it in his internal monologue, but never let this actually dissuade him from disrupting her life), and elena would wind up blaming herself for every tragedy that befell her friends and loved ones as a result of getting mixed up in vampire bullshit even though none of it was her fault--she literally blamed herself for existing but most of the fandom didn’t give a fuck about that lmfao--and stefan did shit like find out that she was adopted and then withhold this information from her until she got pissed about another secret he was keeping (her resemblence to katherine) and drop it on her to try and distract her from her very reasonable anger, and like... i should stop before this becomes a whole rant about how much i hate stefan fucking salvatore, but the point is, he did a lot of really sketchy shit he never answered for and elena never really took him to task for, and the fandom just kept eating up his insistence that he was the Good Brother and therefore he deserved to have elena, and if she didn’t want him anymore it was because she was a heinous bitch who didn’t deserve him.

uh.....i think i got off track there. and there’s probably a lot of shit i missed, like i think i was incandescent with rage for most of seasons 5 and 6 so i missed a lot of the interfandom shit cause i was too busy being increasingly pissed off at the show itself, but if nothing else this should give you an idea of how much of a goddamn cesspit the fandom was while the show as in its prime. there’s a reason both the show and the fandom have such a lousy reputation lmfao.

[kuromichad]

like tbh at this point i think the general sort of Anti Movement has accomplished basically all it’s ever going to and maybe it’s time to like. not ‘calm down’ as in ‘i’m condescendingly telling you not to be upset that abusive/exploitative content exists’ but just like... at least... stop actively hunting for it!!! stop making it such a huge part of your identity and what you do online!!! stop lying your way into people’s private accounts and servers just so you can spread around the content that they obviously know is not something that should be spread around??? like it just does not have to be this way... 

the thing that i wanted to accomplish when i was actively identifying as an anti, the whole reason i started being that way, is that at the time 5+ years ago fandom culture was still extremely “always be nice, never ever criticize or ‘shame’ anything, we’re all oppressed loner geeks here and being ‘mean’ to each other would be the worst social crime possible, worse than racism, worse than anything!!! boo hoo hoo!!!” and THAT is what created a really unhealthy passively-grooming environment. because expressing discomfort with things it’s literally normal to be uncomfortable with was met with “how dare you be shaming people, you’re a bad person.” 

there wasn’t the same kind of content warning culture we have now, the edgy problematic shipping was literally just mixed in with everything else, people would presume comfort with all sorts of subjects and bring up edgy shit unprompted in response to non-edgy works. that’s the kind of shit that creates normalization, that’s what i grew up with: “i hope ron and hermione will be married with babies in the epilogue <3” and “it would be hot if snape sexually abused harry <3” were literally both just What Shipping Is and there were too many spaces where they were talked about side by side. the casual attitude was what was actively dangerous and unhealthy. 

things are a lot fucking different than they were 5, 10, 15 years ago now!! there’s CONSTANT discussion of which subjects are harmful and why, there’s well-understood pressure to tag and warn for things, a lot of nsfw fandom accounts actively block any minors they encounter. there’s like, an actual divide now between ‘normal’ shipping and nsfw content and ‘problematic’ content. wahoo we won!! literally just this amount of separation wouldve resolved massive chunks of what was bad for me and so many others as a kid/teenager in fandom! 

but like i have to be honest bro a lot of antis are on a fucking power trip and they dont want to stop getting that constant reward of righteous anger being validated. it was obvious to me like, immediately, only a few months into me being actively an anti i would see people all over who would parrot talking points without actually understanding them, invent new ‘rules’ tailored to ridiculously specific situations so they could ‘call out’ a person or ship they didnt like for petty reasons, arbitrarily enforce standards based on their own preferences... not everyone is righteous, not everyone is a wounded person trying to protect others. a whole fucking lot of antis are just people who love the thrill of Being Right at all costs. (and like, obviously also a lot of proshippers/anti-antis are just people who love being contrary, edgy, obnoxious. i’m not like coming out as anti-anti here i’m just expressing frustration with the side i’ve been involved in.) 

and i just think it’s getting really fucked up and overboard and awful that people are so addicted to this War they think theyre in, and Being Right, being the Safe and Righteous ones, that they have to constantly escalate the dialogue and make everything so absolutely fucking urgent and awful, it’s not fun enough to have a thoughtful discussion about how tropes in media (even fan-created media, because fandom can encompass literal millions of people, and you literally spend more time socializing in fandom + consuming fanworks than you ever would just straight up rewatching/rereading the source material over and over) can contribute to abusive and exploitative relationships irl, what’s fun is the adrenaline rush of calling someone a literal pedophile over suggestive art of an anime 17 year old (with the same face and body of another character that’s 25, and another character that’s 13, and another that’s 21, etc etc), what’s fun is self-righteously insisting that the fandom term made up to say “i don’t care that you think reylo is destroying society” is actually a secret code name for “out and proud literal irl pedophile.” it’s fucking absurd. i’m so sick of it dude you’re not helping anyone. 

we are so, so, so far past doing anything actually helpful for protecting kids from media they’re not ready for and people who aren’t safe for them. if anything i think it’s just its own new brand of deeply unhealthy to constantly be going LOOK, look over there, inside that locked account, there are horrors i’m going to describe to you in great detail, and that person is a bogeyman who wants to hurt YOU, personally, you the 14 year old reading this callout, you are never safe, even when people are purposely locking their accounts to keep you safe from the content they acknowledge is triggering to people, those people are deeply inherently sinful and evil and they are GOING to hurt you, look at the evidence right now, they’re hurting you. like. anti culture is sick, it’s decaying and poisoned and fucking obnoxious. i’m not saying that that means all proship people are perfectly innocent or morally in the right or whatever but i find it acutely more upsetting when the side that’s claiming to be all about Protecting The Children and being the ones that are morally good is behaving fucking absurdly and escalating conflicts on purpose. trying to shock people into agreeing with you by throwing out the word Pedophile every five seconds is not the fucking way to do things. cut it out.

[damn-stark]

Blinded Ch.20

A/N- Hope you guys like it! Leave your thoughts!! :) (not my gif)

Warning- TROS spoilers, angst, talks of losing a child

Pairing- Poe Dameron x Solo!reader

Takes place during- The Rise of Skywalker

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

—

“I am one with the force. I am one with the force. I am one with force.” You keep muttering to yourself under your breath, floating above the ground, your legs folded, back to back with Rey. “I am one with—” you felt a disturbance making you open one eye to peek at what that disturbance was. You had been lost in your own meditation that you had forgotten Rey was with you.

“They’re not with me.” She complains, making you let out a sigh before you land on your feet back on the ground next to her.

“You need to clear your mind, Rey. Feel their presence, reach towards them. You won’t get anything if you give up half way through. It takes a while.” You explain to the very much desperate girl causing her to groan as you both began to walk towards your mother who had been watching the two of you.

“Rey, be patient.” Your mother joined in making you both share a knowing look as you saw Rey.

“I’m starting to think it’s impossible. To hear the voices of the Jedi that came before.” Rey complained making you roll your eyes, but let out a small amused huff of air.

“Nothing’s impossible.” Your mother added making you smile.

“Nothing’s impossible.” Rey repeated.

“You just have to believe, my young apprentice.” You joked making Rey laugh before taking the fixed legendary lightsaber from your mothers hand.

Rey and you had gotten very close after the battle at Crait, and it wasn’t just because the connection you seemed to share. After finding a base you began to help her train to become a more skilled fighter, you ran coarses with her. Finally having someone else to do all of these things with, finally not having to do them alone..well not alone but someone who was physically here instead of spiritually.

She became your best friend...she was like a sister. She was someone else who understood what you go through when having the ability to use the force. She was someone you connected with differently. You had missed that bonding...missed Ben...but you had her now. She wasn’t your twin brother and she would never fill his spot, no one could; but she definitely filled a void that has been left empty, it’s almost like she was meant to fill it.

“I’m going to run the coarse. Are you going to run with me?” Rey asks making you nod your head in disagreement.

“No you go, I’m going to help my mom.” You say with a warm smile before she walked away.

“You don’t need to help me honey I’m fine.” Your mother argued, but you knew her and knew that she did. She wasn’t the same as before, she used a cane now, got tired faster. The coma she had fallen into changed her, she didn’t admit it or tell you much about it so you didn’t have to worry about her at the time, considering the problems you had been going through. But you had gotten the details of what had happened from Connix.

Knowing what had happened only made you feel more guilty than you had already felt. You knew you could’ve helped her, but...you didn’t. And the guilt still very much lingered.

“I don’t believe you.” You say playfully as you wrap your arm with hers and begin to slowly walk her back to base. When you sat her down, you heard her secretly exhale, feeling relieved that she had gotten off her feet. You brought her water and sat next to her. Both enjoy the minute of silence and free time, before that silence was interrupted by officers who began to crowd the both of you. You try and help as much as you could but ultimately your mind wanders off to Chewie, Finn and Poe who had yet to return from their mission.

-

The gold hanging from your chain glistened as the sun hit the dices that hung around your neck, you grab them as they caught your attention, tuning out some officers words as you began to fiddle with them. The ring that hung around your neck also caught your eye but you quickly tucked it under your shirt and focused on the dices.

A year without you here...a year since everything’s happened. I miss you dad. Wish you were here now. You thought to yourself feeling the tears sting your eyes.

“I miss him too.” You hear your mother say from beside you making you break from your haze. It’s almost like she had been reading your thoughts, you turn to face her with a warm smile. Before you had the chance to respond the sight of an incoming ship caught your eye. Instantly you felt relieved at the sight of the familiar ship but your eyes widened in horror as you notice the falcon burning. You quickly jump to your feet and rush towards the direction where the falcon had landed.

When you spot Poe walking off the ship you quicken your pace; instead of welcoming him with a smile you greet him with a frown and an upset look.

“Hey. Hey. What happened to my dads ship? Poe?” You ask as you meet Poe at the ramp of the ship, he lets out a heavy sigh and rests his hands on his hips, his eyes shifting to the burning ship and back to you. Finn and Chewie pass the both of you, not daring to stop and say hi as they spot how upset you looked.

“I lightspeed skipped.”

“You what?! Why would you do that? You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

“But I didn’t.”

“But you could’ve! Poe-”

“We could’ve used you out there! But no, instead you spend your time here! Training and for what?! Beside that I really don’t know what you do here. We could really use you out there! I could really use you out there.”

You tilt your head slightly at the sound of his words, narrowing your look on him. Both ignoring the looks the resistance fighters gave the both of you as they see the scene begin to play out, they instead awkwardly keep moving past the both of you without interrupting you.

“Are you even listening to yourself?! You know what I do here! I help Rey, my mom, you know how’s she been. What do you think I do here?! I’m not, not doing anything. I’ve been busy here too! It’s hard here...but you would know that if you asked, but you never do, you’re always away..” You sigh deeply and run your hands through your hair as you feel tears pool your eyes. You let your eyes shift to the ground for a second, as you try and calm yourself.

Arguing wasn't uncommon as of late from Poe and you. You two hardly saw each other, it would either be him going on a mission or you, rarely ever going on any together as the little missions you did go to, you went with Rey. When you did have the chance to be at base at the same time you hardly talked to him. Every time you tried, every time you saw him, your guilt got in the way.

It had been hard on the both you knowing that you had lost a baby, a baby neither of you knew was growing inside you. At first, the couple of weeks after finding out you had lost it and learning how you had lost it, he would comfort you. You two would be inseparable...but then your guilt set in and got the best of you. You couldn’t see him without blaming yourself, it hurt your heart to know that it was because of you that you had lost something so special.

Your mind thought of the worst, thinking that he secretly hated you, blamed you, for being the one to loose the baby. Those thoughts made you distance yourself from him, thinking that’s what he wanted. You loved him but you didn’t believe he loved you. After what you had done. After what happened.

“I dont have time to deal with this right now.” You mutter.

“Are YOU even lisenting to yourself? You’re the one that never talks to me! I want to—forget it. You never have time.” He lets out an irritated sigh before clenching his jaw. Before you could walk away BB8 rolls to where you two stood and as Poe notices his missing part, his eyes go wide.

“What happened? Y/N?!” Your eyes widen at his accusing tone. “You broke my droid?!” You look at him up and down and get angrier then before. The tears that threatened to fall immediately drying up, you blink rapidly trying to think over the feeling of anger you felt start within you.

You didn’t even know what had happened to BB8 and he thought you would purposely hurt his droid. You didn’t even know where this came from..why he would accuse you..then again it was mostly likely the anger and stress and not only because of his mission but because what was going between the two of you.

“Think whatever you like...I would never do that, you should know that...” You take a long pause, anger still clouding your mind and not making you think rationally. “But perhaps you don’t know me like you say you do.” Without another thought you take your-his necklace with the ring on it off your neck and shove it in his hand. You let out frustrated huff before you storm past him. BB8 tries to explain what had happened, but Poe was in too much disbelief on what you had done to pay any attention.

It didn’t come to realization that you had been walking the wrong way with your anger clouding your mind until you loosened your fist and trees in the distance broke down. You spun on your heel and began to walk the right way and end up walking next to Poe.

“We’re walking the same way.” He points out in a softer tone then before as he was trying to spark a conversation with you. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, not now anyway. Instead you let the anger stay within, anger that you used as a mask to hide your real reasoning on why you had given his ring back; You loved him but you weren’t sure he loved you..not after what you had caused.

“Don’t.” You hiss before you walk faster so you’re ahead of him. He stops by Rey who had things to say to him too, he watches you walk away with the chain still hanging from his hand. He wanted to say a million things but before he could go after you he had to turn his attention to Rey, who began to push on about the burning Falcon too.

“Y/N.” You heard Finn call out to you making you stop so he could catch up. “I just want to talk about the spy-”

“Y/N! Need your help back here! Now!” Ty’lerr shouted from the Falcon making you groan before turning to head her way.

“Sorry Finn, tell me later, okay?.” Without waiting to hear his answer you run over to help with the Falcon.

“Yeah, uh okay.”

-

“We decoded the intel from the first order spy. And it confirms the worst...somehow palpatine returned.” Poe explains making you sigh and making you run your hands through your hair out of frustration. You look at your side and meet your mothers gaze sharing a unspoken conversation. You didn’t need to talk to her to know that Palptine somehow being alive was horrible and that bigger things were now approaching.

“Wait. Do we believe this?” Rose Tico asked, making more members murmur amongst themselves.

“We have to believe it’s true, we can’t risk not believing it.”, you respond as you cross your arms over your chest, listening to more fighters express their worry on the bad news.

“His been planning his revenge. His followers have been building something for years, the largest fleet the galaxy has ever known.” Poe continues explaining, meeting your look for a brief second before turning yours to the ground. “He calls it the final order. In sixteen hours, attacks on all three worlds begin. The emperor and his fleet hiding in the unknown regions on a world called Exegol.”

Gasps and murmurs echo throughout the room, you swallow thickly as the news only gets worse, you drop your hands to your sides, making your mom grab your hand for comfort. You turn to meet her worried gaze and squeeze your own grip on her hand.

“Exegol doesn’t appear on any star chart.” C3PO explained as he also tried to comfort a scared R2D2.

“And it’s not. It’s a hidden world of the Sith, it’s a dangerous and dark place. Perfect for the emperor to hide.” You explain all eyes landing on you. The sight of Rey rushing away from the circle catches your eye but you don’t go after her, or comment anything about her hasty escape.

“What do you know about it?” Poe asks turning to look at you. Meeting each others gaze to try and bring comfort to one another at the sound of the bad news like you would have before; instead of doing so though you turn yours away; you can still feel his lingering staring on you, feel the warmth of his hand inches from yours, and it only feels warmer as he moves closer to you.

“Not much about it , when I was in the first order, Snoke didn’t teach me much about it, but I found other ways to read about it. Their is a way to find the emperor and Exegol-”

“General. Can I speak with you?” Rey interrupted as she rushed back to the crowd, taking your mother away to speak with her privately. You didn’t have to be by her to know what she had found, what she now knew, it was the same thing you knew. A way to find Exegol. A sith wayfinder.

-

“I hope you weren’t planning to leave without me.” You announce with a smile as you approach Rey who was working on the Falcon. She turns at the sound of your voice and matches your smile.

“I knew you would come sooner or later. I was just waiting for you.”

You smirk and throw her, her blaster that she had left behind. She catches it with ease and you move to help her with the Falcon.

“You know where I’m going. It’s going to be dangerous, are you sure you want to come?” She questions.

You put your hand on top of your chest, feigning to be offended by her comment. “Ouch, that hurt. I’m offended you would even ask. You do know who I am right? I live for danger.” she chuckles at your joke making you smile wider. As you’re about continue on, a voice interrupts from behind you.

“You got her up and running?” At the sound of Poe’s question you stop and turn to see him. Finn, Chewie, C3PO and BB8 all following behind him.

Great they’re all coming. He’s coming.

Your smile fades as you catch him already looking at you. Quickly to avoid his stare you move your attention back to the Falcon.

“You were right before. Y/N and I are going to pick up Luke’s search for Exegol. We’re going to start where the trail went cold. The forbidden desert of Pasaana.” Rey explains to him as she moves forward to meet him.

“Yeah I know, we’re going with you.” Poe tells her making Rey turn to meet your gaze only to share the same worried and surprised reaction. “Chewie, you get that compressor fixed?”

You’re left standing more surprised than you had thought. You didn’t think any of them would come.. you didn’t expect for him to come along..then again you knew him better then that and like you, he lived for the adrenaline. You didn’t want for any of them to put their lives in danger though, that was the problem. “You guys can’t be serious. It’s going to be-”

“Dangerous? We know...I wasn’t going to let you go alone.” You swallow thickly and take in Poe’s words. You didn’t want him to put his life at risk, not with a situation like the one you were going to face. But you also knew how he was and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. None of them were. Him coming just made things difficult, you knew that talking to him was going to be inevitable, no more trying to avoid him.

Rey looks over Finns shoulder after he had told her that they all were coming, she meets your gaze and raises her eyebrow asking for your opinion without speaking a word. You respond with a shrug of your shoulders accepting that you all were going together.

“Together then. Trust me none of them are taking no for an answer.”

-

“Be careful, okay?” She cups both of your cheeks while seeming to take in every inch of it.

“Always.” You grin before she pulls you in for a tight hug. Her action had caught you off guard but you soon wrapped your arms around her too.

“I love you y/n” her words were soft and quiet but you had caught them, making you smile, warm tears roll down your cheeks as you tighten your embrace around her. Her arm wrapped firmly on the neck of your neck, pulling you closer to her. The hug lasted longer then any of the ones you’ve had before but you don’t question or complain about it.

“I love too mom.”

As you both begin to pull away she fix’s the golden dices around your neck. Her hand cups your cheeks and wipes the tears from your cheeks. With her other hand she grabs on to yours. “Can you promise me something?”

“Uhh...what is it?” You look at her confused while she offers you a warm smile.

“Promise me you’ll talk to him.”

You quirk your eyebrow and take a step back. “Who?” You had asked the question but you knew exactly who she was referring to.

“You know who I’m talking about. Promise me y/n.” She pleads making you sigh and nod slightly.

“I have to go now, I’ll see you when I get back.” You shoot her a warm smile, one she easily returns.

“Never lose hope, y/n.”

Your smile falters at her words. It’s like she knew every time exactly what you needed to hear. Everytime.

“May the force be with you.”

“May the force be with you.” You repeat before turning to head back to the Falcon. Looking over your shoulder one last time to wave to her. With one last long look you head towards the Falcon.

-

“Sure this is it?” Poe asks as you all get to higher ground to get a better view of the Pasaana, and to see if you can spot what you were looking for. All the meanwhile your face is twisted into one of heavy dislike as you continue walking on the sand.

I hate sand.

“These are the exact coordinates, Master Luke left behind.” Threepio explained. You all continue walking and stop once you see the colorful festivity’s going on below. A smile tugs at the corner of your lips upon seeing such a sight.

“I really hate sand, it’s the most irritating thing in this galaxy, it just gets everywhere but this...this just makes being here tolerable.” You say as you shield your eyes from the brightness of the sun.

“What is this?” Poe complained.

“An Aki-Aki festival of the ancestors, the celebration only occurs once every forty-two years.”

“Then I guess we’re lucky we happened to run into it, today of all days.” You responded with a still very much amazed expression.

“Lucky indeed! This festival is known for its colorful tides and its sweets.” You all turn your heads back at the same time to look at a rambling threepio; clueless onto what you were actually looking at he turns his head back thinking you all had seen something behind him.

-

“I’ve never seen anything like this.” Rey mused as she looked at everything with so much amazement.

“I’ve never seen so few wayfinders.” Finn quipped.

“Wait until you see Life day on Kashyyyk. Now that’s another fun holiday, isn’t that right, Chewie?” You say with a smile. Chewie roars in agreement as you pass by Rey, patting her shoulder and shooting her a smile. Following your action she snaps from her daze and follows behind you.

“Theirs always random first order patrols in crowds like these. Keep you heads down...Chewie!” Poe shouts so he could be heard over all the noise around him.

As you maneuver through through the crowd, you keep your eyes peeled looking out for any danger, but it’s hard to stay focused when so many amazing things are happening around you.

“Let’s split up see what the locals know.”

Without noticing, you leave Rey behind, following after all the guys. You walk in a fast pace and end up walking ahead of your group, looking for a local to talk to. Your eyes wander and stop when a group of young Aki-Aki children run past you. You follow them with your eyes, stopping in your steps as you see where they go, see as they laugh and run not having a care, just enjoying being children.

Your smile falters though as you spot a younger aki-aki child. A baby. A single thought came to mind, a what could’ve been thought. Guilt and sadness quickly begin to infiltrate your thoughts thereafter. A sense of longing also presenting itself within you as you continue watching the baby with who you presumed was it’s mother.

Before you had lost your own child, you hadn’t even talked to Poe about having children, except for when he mentioned it when he gave you the ring; beside that though the conversation was never brought up. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk about it, it just was never brought up.

The thought of you having children had popped in mind before you became Hale Ren and after giving up that dark life— the thought especially came up when you were with Poe, neither you expressing the thought though.

A tug on your hand broke you from your haze making your eyes shift down to what it was or rather who it was. Your smile returns as you see a Aki-Aki child stand inches away from you.

“Welcome.” The child greets. You kneel down and get to the child’s level, immediately the child offered you yellow beads. You bow your head slightly and let the child put it around your neck.

“Thank you.” You respond in the child’s native language with a warmer smile.

“I’m Shenzi Kizzie, what’s yours?”

“I’m Y/N Solo, it’s such an honor to meet you Shenzi.”

Upon your conversation with Shenzi you missed Poe’s lingering stare as he saw you talk with the child. An impressed smile also showing on his features as he heard you speaking their native language, a language he didn’t know you spoke.

He saw you and couldn’t help but go back to what you had done, how you had given him back the ring. He was still in disbelief not wanting to believe you had done it. He asked himself why. Yes, he knew that you were very distant for some reason, a reason he’s been trying to get you to explain but he never could. All he got from you when he did see you was a passing look, and barely any words. All he wanted to do was talk to you, to understand what was going on. He didn’t want to loose you, he hated the thought of it, but he didn’t know what you felt and the not knowing hurt him.

“Thank you.” You tell the child again as you stand up to your full height and watch her leave. The smile stays on your lips, you turn your eyes and meet Poe’s lingering gaze. Your smile lingers for a moment, both not saying anything, just keeping your eyes on one another. Finally after so long really seeing the warm and familiar brown of his eyes, eyes you’ve missed getting lost into.

Blinding guilt though...reminds you why, why you had chose to keep a distance, even if every fiber in your body didn’t want to.

He walks towards you in quick haste, so you didn’t have the chance to walk away from his approaching figure. “Y/N, look I-”

“Poe! Y/N! We found someone!” Finn shouts waving the both of you over. Poe groans at the interruption but turns to walk over to Finn and the rest. Before you could follow after him you stay where you are for a couple of seconds, feeling a familiar presence. The feeling wasn’t strong but rather weak like it was close yet it wasn’t. You turn to look over you shoulder for a brief second, feeling the presence come from behind you. Instead of investigating who’s presence it was you go and stand next to Chewie.

Before you could get any useful information from the local, Rey comes rushings towards you all. “We have to go! Back to the Falcon, now!”

You all turn to her sharing the same worried expression. “Why?” Finn asks beating you to the question.

“It’s Ren.”

It makes sense. That’s who’s presence I felt.

Without second guessing her, you all rush back towards the Falcon. Quickly all coming to a skidding stop, bumping into each other at the how fast you had to do so. Before you could react to the stormtrooper that was in front of you, a arrow whizzed past all of you directly impaling the trooper.

As you were going to turn to see who had shot that arrow you feel a creeping presence behind you. Swiftly and without much thought you take out your blaster spinning to face the presence. When you fully face the presence you see a masked person; and just like you had, the masked person put up its blaster, both aiming at each other. You both stare off at each other for a brief second, both of your reflexes kick in quicker then lightspeed, mirroring each other’s action on taking each other’s blaster from one another’s hand. At the same you both turn, switch hands and aim the blasters at each other again.

Poe and the rest of your friends watch the events unfold, and can’t help but be awe-struck while also being worried on how you two mirrored the same move. Poe raised his blaster at the mysterious second person that was aiming at you, while ignoring the other masked person who had shot the arrow.

You and the masked individual continue to stare off at one another for a couple seconds more, pacing until you’re back by Poe’s side. You notice the persons stance falter slowly, dropping your blaster to its side. “Y/N?” At the sound of your name coming from the masked person you go stiff, causing Poe to take a step closer now touching each other’s shoulder’s, both of you still aiming at the person.

You tilt your head slightly to the side after the person had said your name, you didn’t recognize the voice, then again the mask modified it. Poe and you share a quick glance, both sharing the same confused expression, sharing an unspoken conversation.

Your eyes flicker back to the person as it slowly reaches for the side of its helmet, making a silent whiz sound as the top half of the mask disappeared into the bottom half, revealing a pair of brown eyes. Your eyebrows knot together still having no clue to who it was under the mask. The masked individual follows by reaching further down its mask—doing the same silent whiz sound as the bottom half gets removed—finally revealing the face under the mask. Your eyes widen and you slowly lower the weapon you carried. You feel your breath hitch as you saw the face.

“Y/N, do you know her?” Poe’s question sounded miles away, time felt as if it had slowed down as you felt yourself get lost on her face. In your shocked state you still manage to put your hand on top of Poe’s to lower down his weapon. She share’s the same shocked expression as you.

You blink repeatedly still not believing who was standing before you. Any word you tried to say, stuck to the back of your throat, only making you keep your mouth slightly open. You swallow thickly and take a step closer and really study the face before you, noticing a burn scar on the right cheek that traveled further down to the neck and seemed to travel further but it was hidden by the clothing.

It all seemed like an illusion, still having a hard time believing who it was in front of you. It’s not until you finally found something to say, just a single word. Her name.

“Alya?”

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @treblebeth , @mcrvellouslystcrk , @themythicallifeofesmerelda , @thescarletknight2014 , @sfnari , @bitch-imma-head-out , @arsonistvoyager , @chloe-skywalker , @emotionalcal , @theholycakehole , @justxriot , @stvrdustalexx , @the-dream-catch3r , @theoralpha , @sleepyblossom , @basically-hayley , @iamaunicorn4704 , @sneekygeek , @carisiswaistcoat , @creativelyquestioninglife , @daniellajocelyn , @wnygirl2012 , @imjusttryingtocatchavibe , @holy-kylo-stars , @patdsinner33 , @avmps , @xxrouge-lexxx , @x-thunderbird-x , @kaelyn-lobrutto24 , @winter-scolder , @constantdisgrace , @valeecruz16

[orchidbreezefc]

OKAY COOL I WAS ON THE FENCE ABOUT POSTING MY OWN EXPERIENCES IN THE KFAM DISCORD BECAUSE A POST ABOUT People Being Mean To Sage Specifically SEEMED KIND OF MASTURBATORY OR SELF-PITYING OR WHATEVER BUT IF WE REALLY ARE GOING TO STILL BE OUT HERE PUSHING THE This Server Is A Lovely Familial Community And Dissenters Are The Problem NARRATIVE EVEN NOW? HELL NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

obviously this is hard to be objective about. this stuff is a lot less concrete than my first post, a lot more based on vibes i got, which, yknow, is why it’s not in my first post. but if anyone identifies with this, if anyone sees their own experiences in this discord reflected in mine, then it’s going to be worth the worry i’m reading too much into things, or others thinking the same of me. if i can help anyone who felt like THEY were mistreated there and weren’t sure if they were reading too much into things, then. it’s worth it. especially since the M.O. in there was ‘everything’s fine and if not we’re going to MAKE IT FINE by silencing anyone who disagrees’.

a lot of talk has been done about the censorship (word used loosely, first amendment protects from the government not from the mods etc, definitely a specific suppression of dissenting ideas though) the mods have been doing--once more i suggest @kfam-tea for receipts and screenshots. not something i feel great about, but not something i have personal experience with, so i won't speak to it. see also my first post about my interactions with the creators. it touches on the dogpiling, which i'll go into more depth on in this post. you can find it [link: here].

so. the first thing in the official discord that tipped me off about the hivemind samethink phenomenon is that the whole place is distinctly frosty on the subject of samben. that’s a post all its own, one that follows through to numbers on ao3 and whatever, but i’m not here to make a ship manifesto. suffice it to say i got attached to the ship upon listening, inhaled the (suspiciously small) ao3 tag, and was stopped in my tracks at the discord server where any implication of such ship inclinations were met with silence and pointed changes of subject.

distinctly weird. distinctly unusual fandom behavior, that i couldnt even hint around shipping the two men whose incredibly profound relationship is literally the crux of the show, who have exchanged ‘i love you’s, one of whom is confirmed gay--all other romantic entanglements aside, because when have those stopped shippers? that was weird. i realize that's maybe a bit tinfoil hat of me. it could have been the goldfish-bowl big-brother-is-watching vibe from having creators in there, except, as i said, it carries to other sites.

anyway, much more concrete was when i spoke out about my thoughts on ben’s actions in ep68. again, enough there for another post, so tl;dr: he was doing his best, he’s a good guy and a good friend, but his actions DIRECTLY outed sammy to the WHOLE town, without allowing sammy to say the words himself. it was an accident, yes, but it had tangible, harmful consequences, and even accidental harm warrants apology. it should at least be... acknowledged. at some point. by the show OR the fandom. it's a disservice to ben himself to never get the chance to own up to it.

this was an unacceptable take. i tried breaching this topic and making my case twice, and got THOROUGHLY dogpiled both times. a dozen fans crawled out of the woodwork to argue heatedly, sometimes getting quite aggressive, sometimes toeing the line of outright hostility toward me personally. definitely some downright rude messages. not once did anybody speak up to defend my right to put forward my dissenting opinion, let alone SUPPORT my argument, god forbid. ben’s were the actions of a good friend, i was told. outing someone to their whole town without giving them the chance to say it on their own terms didn't qualify as harm at all, i was told, on account of ben's heart being in the right place.

still, the opinions being argued matter less than the attitudes and behaviors. people don't have to agree with me about that ep, i don't care. i do care about being given the right to, as a single person on my own, have space to make an argument without being shouted down by a dozen people. i do care about how it fit into a greater pattern of forbidding any criticism of the show, and ben in particular, who is a good friend and therefore all of his actions are good and harmless, who is our resident heterosexual unassailable paragon of purity. which might explain the samben problem--sammy/ron[/jack] was perfectly fine, even popular, but there was never a whisper of shipping ben with anyone but emily. they're Official. theyre The Perfect Couple. don't you dare challenge that (and for the most part, i didn’t dare. i quickly learned not to).

my [link: previous post] details kyle's response to these fun events, where he specifically went out of the way to follow me being shouted into silence (a result of me being driven to literal tears and shutting down rather than invite more argument) with a warm congratulations to everybody for their conduct in this discussion. because that's the kind of conversation kyle wants to specifically and explicitly praise and encourage, i guess.

anyway. this contributed to the growing sense over my time in the discord that people held a certain distaste for me but didn’t want to say anything direct. instead they talked around me, ignored me, immediately changed the subject from my messages, the whole while bestowing constant glowing compliments on each other and endlessly repeating saccharine sentiments about what a nice family type community they were, how grateful they were for the discord being such a positive space. i suppose that’s an easy impression to get when negativity is ruthlessly suppressed (and apparently outright censored nowadays) and instead of insults or, god forbid, communication with people with whom folks might take issue, they just (more or less) silently stonewall and cold shoulder them.

again, i could be misreading cues, being egocentric or tinfoil hat by reading this pattern into how i in particular was treated. either way, the fact that i was given the fandom friday shout out the week after KFAM live was definitely... strange. fishy, even. i was already mostly out the door at that point, had been for weeks--it was actually in my last few days speaking there period. i felt strangely guilty that they would dedicate a day to me when i didn’t like being there much and hardly spoke any longer. one thing’s for sure: my congratulations were fewer and more impersonal, perfunctory, and/or generic than other fans got (i kept a screenshot). i still have no idea what to make of that one, but there you have it.

p.s.: since vagues are in vogue now apparently, i might as well mention the person who's been accused of being A Problem In The Discord For A While Now, among nastier things, which definitely is not an effort to justify kyle's passive aggressive response to their untagged post which used the phrase 'death of the author', or kyle subsequently crying on twitter about death threats because apparently he couldn't be bothered to google a basic literary analysis term and thought if he was vague enough nobody would look into what was actually said. i guess he was right, if the hundreds of asspats and outcries against The Evils Of Podcast Fan Meanies were any indication.

i digress. i just wanted to testify that the fan in question was one of maybe three or four people on the server who consistently treated me nicely and acted like they liked me. and that another fan who claimed to be uncomfortable around death-of-the-author-person was the person who came the closest to being outright nasty to me when i expressed a critical opinion. make of that what you will i guess!

p.p.s.: if i never say anything more about this whole thing or the creators’ part in it, i do want to say for the record: noah james is fully exempt from all of this and remains absolutely wonderful and a whole treasure. like dont pedestalize male creators and assume them incapable of wrongdoing etc etc but i had an hour long midnight denny’s breakfast sitting across from him and he was nothing short of an angel the whole time. sweetest guy i’ve ever met. he hasn’t breathed a word about any of this drama. he may not even know it’s going on because he’s too busy being the most beautiful and talented man in america or something. i love you noah

[reignmyworld]

A dream is a wish your heart makes Part 9 - Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: Please note that this series takes place in a Harry Potter respectively Hogwarts AU, so you will stumble over names like Snape or Dumbledore but without much storyline to them.

Summary: Roman Reigns, the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. You, one of the smartest students of the Hogwarts University, in your last year… You didn’t think that you could ever dislike a professor more than Severus Snape and yet here he was, Roman Reigns. You couldn’t stand him just like he couldn’t stand you. However, you are forced to question whether you really disliked him as much as you thought when your best friend gave you a special gift for your birthday -  a glass ball that’s supposed to treasure your heart’s desire. As you realized what your heart desired the most, it left you in shock and no one, especially not Roman, was allowed to see it. But what happens when you lose it and it ends up in the wrong hands?

Warnings: Hogwarts AU, angst, comfort, fluff

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

To read the other parts, please search for “A dream is a wish your heart makes” on my blog.

Tag List: @queenofthearchitect @trixdeee @calwitch @alexisbagans143 @the-queens-reign @mermaid-at-heart @taryn-dibiase @kyrathegreat985 @kingslayers-reign @scuzmunkie @happelu970 @vebner37 @nikora3010 @deadpoolgirl23 @aria725 @mzerry1d @bluedestinystranger @ashhdaniellee95 @castingtheshadow @roman-hetfield @lustyromantic @i-dont-care-i-ship-it-69 @easyobsession @calicina @neganlangdon @laochbaineann (Please let me know in case of the mentions not working. Furthermore please let me know if you want to be added to /taken off the tag list.)

Several moments later you found yourself in Dumbledore's office, sitting next to Roman, facing the old wizard, that was resting his head on his hands on the other side of the desk. He remained silent for quite some time and you didn't dare to speak either. Roman must have noticed how uncomfortable you were as he didn't care about the headmaster sitting on the opposite side of you as he was holding your hand, rubbing his thumb in circles over it, trying to calm you down. You gave him a weak smile that he returned without any second thoughts. Dumbledore, who had known you since you started your first day at Hogwarts at the age of 10, was eyeing you as he wanted to know: "So Y/N, I assume that you were telling the whole truth after what Y/EX/N had accused you of, haven't you?" You knew that denying it would have been senseless and you didn't intend to do so either, so you nodded your head, stating: "Yes I had been telling the truth, professor." 

"I already thought so.", he mumbled, shifting his eyes from you to Roman and back, making you move uncomfortably under his glance. You had no idea how Roman could stay so calm as the suspension was almost unbearable for you but you assumed that he had some private conversations with the headmaster before and was used to his behavior because of that. Dumbledore took his time before he started: "Y/N... Roman... I guess I don't need to tell you that relationships between teachers and students aren't always allowed and they often bring consequences with themselves...." Before he could continue, however, Roman was joining the conversation, saying: "Albus with all due respect, I don't want to interrupt you but I just would like to say something in advance. I'm quite aware that it isn't right in the minds of a lot of people and you know that I'm the last person to speak my feelings, but I love that woman next to me and I won't stop doing so, just because anyone tells me to. I never thought, that I would be able to love but then Y/N came along and turned my world upside down. And I won't let anyone destroy that. I know, that it was my duty as a teacher to not let anything like that happen, but the truth is, I was weak. I tried to fight it, tried to bottle up my feelings, but I couldn't do so any longer and I'm not regretting it one bit. The only thing I'm regretting is, should there be possible consequences for Y/N. Whatever you decide, whatever decision you have to make, I'm begging you, let me carry it on my own. If one of us has to leave, I'm willing to pack my stuff. As much as it would pain me, but I'm willing to start anew somewhere else like I had done in the past, knowing now that it would be different, that I wouldn't have the same fears I had to face before. But whatever you are doing, Albus, please don't push those consequences on the woman next to me." 

You couldn't help but tear up as you were hearing his words. You knew how terrible it was for him to start his life anew, trying to fit in only to be confronted with the same hate again and again. Your heart broke for him and you couldn't let that happen. If you had to go, that only meant that you would have to graduate somewhere else but your life would pretty much stay the same although you couldn't see him regularly for the next few months. But having to leave Hogwarts would certainly have not the same huge impact on you as it would have for him. You searched for his eyes, saying, your voice heavy with emotion: "Ro, no. Don't do this." before adding without even looking at the old headmaster: "If you have to expel me, Professor, please go ahead and do so." 

You saw how Roman was shaking his head but before he could protest you heard the deep chuckles of the old wizard, that looked at the both of you rather amused. You were confused as to what that meant and you could tell that Roman felt the same. Before any of you, however, could say anything, Dumbledore stated: "Roman, I really appreciate the things you had let me known right now and Y/N, it didn't surprise me one bit, that you were willing to take possible consequences as well. But neither of you let me finish in the first place. What I wanted to say is, that some people are not content with relationships like that, however, when those are mentioned, most people assume it to be students in their senior school years and not in their last year of university." He was winking at you before he continued: "I'm not going to expel you, Y/N and I'm neither going to fire you, Roman. And I certainly won't tell you that your relationship has to end. I may be old, but I understand completely what it means to love someone from the bottom of one's heart and I also understand how hard it can be fighting for that love, especially if there are obstacles in the way. I had asked you to follow me into my office as I wanted to tell you, Y/N, that I'm rather impressed of you speaking your mind in front of anyone, probably knowing what some people with their limited minds think about that. And I want you both to know that you have my blessing as stupid as this may sound. Neither myself nor any of the other teachers will say anything against your relationship and as for Y/EX/N, I can assure you that he will be the only one facing consequences due to his behavior. I guess I haven't forgotten anything, so if you want to excuse me now... I'm old and I can already hear my bed calling." 

You couldn't even tell who looked more perplex, whether it was you or Roman, but it definitely took some time unless you had processed everything Dumbledore had just said. A huge smile spread across your face as you whispered: "Thank you so much, Professor." and you could tell that Roman was overwhelmed as well, as he was shaking Dumbledore's hand, thanking him for his understanding and his gratitude. He helped you to your feet as you were heading for the door but before you could leave, you were held back by Dumbledore as he said: "Oh Roman, just one thing. Those attacks by Voldemort entering your mind... Are they still happening?" You looked at him in shock as he nodded his head, assuming that he must have talked to the headmaster about them before. "I already thought so. Please try to focus more on your occlumency and while you're at it, please make sure that Y/N learns how to use it as well. You are both vulnerable and our main priority should be now to keep you both save no matter what.", the old man said with Roman nodding his head, smiling slightly as he answered: "Thank you, Albus, I definitely will. Have a good night." He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as you leaned into his embrace and with a mumbled "Good night", you left the headmaster's office. 

It didn’t take long until you had walked down the staircase, finding yourself on an empty floor again. You were way too overwhelmed by anything, that had happened, to actually grasp a clear thought. "Are you alright, baby?", you heard Roman's voice with you slowly nodding your head. You turned round to face him as you you gave him a little smile. "Yes, just a little shaken. I wouldn't have expected Dumbledore's reaction to be so positive.", you said relieved, hugging your boyfriend without thinking about it twice. And Roman didn't seem to mind either as he was holding you close, his chin resting on your head. You heard him mumble: "Me neither sweetheart. I don't know how I should thank you..." You peeked up at him, wanting to know: "What for?" 

"What for? Y/N, no-one has taken my side ever. When you told that asshole off, I... I don't know how I should thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." 

"Don't tell me that you're turning sentimental now.", you laughed but before he had the chance to reply something, you added: "Roman, I love you and I couldn't care less who knows about it. Hearing those nasty words from Y/EX/N hurt me beyond I could probably tell you. I don't want to hear anyone talking about you like that. And I hope that you know, that none of this is true. I could never despise you, I could never hate you. I just hope, that people around here would be courageous enough to see you for who you are and not for what your family stands." You could tell, that your words were moving him as he leaned down to you, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss. You were aware, that you were at full display, that everyone that would walk over this floor now, would see you, but you didn't care. You wrapped your hands around his neck, shifting closer to his body, deepening the kiss. You were not willing to let go of him, not now that you finally had the permission to be with him. 

As you broke apart after what felt like an eternity, he was smiling down at you, resting his forehead against yours, whispering: "I love you baby. You have no idea how hard I had to fight myself in the Great Hall to not become that dark wizard everyone thinks I am. When I heard that asshole talk to you like that I really wanted to rip his head off. If it hadn't been for Dumbledore, I guess you could visit me in Azkaban right now." You cupped his cheek as you mumbled: "Forget him. He's not worth it, not one single bit. I have an idea. How about I stay with you tonight Professor and we can talk about anything that had happened before?" You saw a sly smirk on his lips and you couldn't help but chuckle as he reminded you more of his usual self. "Miss Y/L/N, I have to warn you. You staying over night could result in a rather short night and a lot of tiredness you have to sit through the next morning.", he winked at you, his voice absolutely amused. You had to laugh as you reminded him that the first lectures you would have the next day were with him anyway. 

"Sleeping in your lesson probably only results in more detention and I'm certainly not complaining about that.", you giggled. He was giving you another sweet kiss before he reached for your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours, guiding you to his apartment. On your way there, there were a few students seeing you and you could tell, that they were still shocked by seeing you together but you didn't care. And if Roman did, he at least was a master at hiding it. When you were sure that no-one was around and no-one was listening, you wanted to know: "Ro? Those dreams Dumbledore had mentioned?" You noticed how he slightly stiffened but you just needed to know. "Yes?", he asked quietly with you answering: "How often do they happen? And for how long are they already happening?" 

He thought about it as if he wasn't sure whether he should confront you with the truth but in the end he decided to do so. "They are basically happening every night. You can train it, you can build your walls strong but as soon as you are aware of it, you kind of notice little things, that give away whether someone wants to enter your mind. And I'm feeling them almost every night although they differ. So I guess it's not just Voldemort trying to invade my consciousness but also probably my father. Sometimes it gets hard to fight them off and after you had found me that one day, they managed to enter once or twice afterwards but somehow I was able to defend myself. I woke up before they succeeded in planting those terrible images of you being tortured again. For how long? Basically shortly after I had met you, so probably a little more than three years." You knew that it was not your fault, knew that you couldn't prevent it, but you nevertheless were feeling guilty, that he had to go through something as terrible as that just because he dared to love you. 

Before you could stop yourself, tears were falling on your cheeks. "I'm so sorry", you whispered quietly, making Roman stop in his tracks right away. You were not far from his home as he was turning to you, gently lifting your chin with his index finger, locking eyes with you. He studied your face, realizing that you felt guilty for what happened to him. His heart ached upon that realization. "Don't you ever say that again. It is not your fault. You are the best thing, that could have happen to me in this god forsaken, cruel world. I love you more than words can say, more than my own life. Those dreams, those invasions in my mind aren't your fault, baby girl. If anything, it is my fault, that you are at stake, that you are a potential target. But I'm making sure that nothing happens to you and if that is the last thing that I'm doing." 

"I know, that it is not my fault. It's just... I don't know. I just wish, that I could carry part of that burden, that is resting upon your shoulders.", you whispered, giving him a sad smile, almost drowning in the depth of his eyes. Before he had the chance to answer, you wanted to know: "Do you really think, that they could enter my mind as well? I mean since Dunbledore had mentioned. that I should learn to use occlumency." He looked at you with a sad expression, replying: "I think, that there is a risk, yes. They have seen in my thoughts how much you mean to me, how important you are to me, how much I love you. This knowledge made you their target as well. They have a sadistic satisfaction in seeing others suffer. On the one hand they still want me to pay for my betrayal and on the other... well, I'm pretty sure that they want to see you suffer, probably in more than just one way. They probably want to see you suffer on an emotional level by showing you pictures of your loved ones being tortured. They probably want you to feel physical pain as well as a punishment, that you let me in your life. As Dumbledore said, our main priority should be to stay safe." 

You were listening closely, fear growing in you, not being able to say at first why as you were not afraid for your own life. You couldn't grasp it at first until it finally hit you. You couldn't hide the slight shaking of your body and the fear in your voice as you whispered: "My family... I... he's not going to harm them, is he?" Roman shook his head although you could tell, that he was not absolutely honest with you, trying to calm you down by saying: "No, I'm making sure that nothing happens to them." You shifted closer to him, burying your face in his broad chest, wrapping your hands around his torso. Roman was holding you close, not saying a word for what felt like an eternity. You could hear some whispered words in the background but you couldn't care less as you tried to calm down, tried to fight back the fear, that had overcome you as you were picturing your family being tortured. You could hear Roman's whispered voice, a deep sadness in it, as he said: "Baby, I don't want to get you or your family harmed. I don't want you to fear for them. I want to keep all of you safe. So maybe we should just forget about us, maybe..." 

Before he could continue, you interrupted him as you looked up at him, holding his gaze, saying whole heartedly: "Don't you dare to continue that sentence. I love you and I'm not willing to let you go, no matter how scared I might be. I'm trusting you that we're finding a way to keep them save but not being with you is not an option. You understand me?" It hurt you to see that stubborn man so vulnerable and yet it made you love him even more. You could tell, that he was trapped in an inner fight, that he wanted to toss you away for your and your family's sake and at the same time he wanted to keep you as close as somehow possible. 

As soon as you saw him nodding his head, you let out a small sigh of relief, promising yourself, that you would make this work, that all of you would be safe, no matter what. "I won't let anything happen to you or your loved ones.", he mumbled as you gave him a tiny smile, whispering: "I know. And you better make sure that nothing will happen to you either." You realized that by now you and him were the only ones on that floor, continuing with your way to his apartment. As soon as you reached it, you sat down to discuss everything, that had happened that evening and before you could think twice, you were falling asleep in his arms, a dreamless sleep overwhelming you. 

The next days were rather unspectacular. You had spent more times in Roman's apartment than in your own dorm and although there were a few nasty looks and comments here and there, all in all no-one dared to talk behind your back about your relationship to your professor. Even your ex-boyfriend, who had not been sent off university but had to do some social work instead to pay for what he had done, stayed in his place, shooting you some deathly glares here and there but that was about it. Roman made sure, that he and you had enough time for yourselves whenever you were alone although he never forgot Dumbledore's plea to teach you occlumency. And since he had sentenced you to detention each Friday quite some time ago, he made sure to use that time wisely by letting you know everything you had to know to master that task. 

You were aware that it was not easy, but you would have never expected it to be that hard to lock your mind, to build a wall around it, to lock everything and everyone out. It was only your third session and although you were actually pretty good with learning new things and adapting to them, you had the impression, that you would never be able to learn occlumency. You stood on the opposite site of Roman, a pile of pillows on the floor behind you, in case you should get dizzy and fall down like you had done before. "You need to concentrate", Roman said seriously, sounding more like his usual professor self than your boyfriend, as you snapped: "What do you think I'm doing? Counting sheep and daydreaming? I try to concentrate but my head hurts and I'm feeling absolutely exposed." 

You didn't have any secrets from him, of course not, and you were not afraid to let him enter your mind, but it made you extremely vulnerable, realizing that Roman could read every single thought, that he could see every single memory if he really wanted to. And although he tried not to do so, he had stumbled over a few of them already. He had seen how you bawled your eyes out when you were a kid as you lost your parents for a few moments at a crowded fair, fearing that you might never seen them again. He had seen how embarrassed you felt when a pack of tampons flew out of your school bag in the middle of the class room at the beginning of your puberty. He had seen how you got into a fist fight during one of your vacations when you were in your teenage years and someone dared to make fun of your friend. 

Of course, you were not ashamed that he knew about it, you didn't even mind him knowing, but it just showed you how accessible your memories and thoughts were. How easy it was to get to them if he wasn't even trying it particularly but more or less just stumbled into them. And it made you panicky as you realized what kind of damage could be done if someone like Voldemort or one of his death eaters really entered your mind with full purpose. "Voldemort does not care whether your head hurts. He won't wait until you’re rested and wait for him to enter your mind. He wants you to be exposed, wants to see what's going on in your head, wants to mess with your memories until you are a broken mess.", Roman stated, his voice louder than before. You knew that he just meant well, that he wanted to push you to give your best, to learn it as fast as possible so you could protect your mind but you felt as if he was pushing you into the wrong direction. "For fuck's sake, Ro, I know it. I know all of that. Do you really think, that it is fun for me not being able to use it? Do you really think the thought of this bastard entering my mind isn't scary for me?", you snapped back at him. You knew, that you should stay calm, knew that he had to mess with your emotions if he wanted to you to learn it the best you could and nevertheless you fell for it, feeling unarmed when you heard his sharp: "Legilimens" You tried to close your mind, tried to lock him out, but you couldn't. 

[modesty-blaise]

Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

[janiedean]

(part 1) ur gonna roast me for this but im legit curious why mafia AUs are so bad? im asking in a non confrontational way, i get it romanticizing mafia is wrong, but i also believe that 1)most mafia AUs are a really toned down type of mafia;2)they do make for some interesting kinds of dynamics with fanart and with fics; 3)in a fic specifically u can create your own world and call something mafia and still make it so they don't kill innocent people but only idk members of other gangs or sth

(part 2) plus theyre a way to put ur charas in a completely diff context and see what theyll do. i mean i dont believe that writing ships in a certain context (like mafia) equals romanticizing that context. mafia AUs arent even my fav things to read (in fact i almost never do), im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

I’m not gonna roast you don’t worry xD okay wait let me check if I replied to this already if yes I’m gonna c/p because it’s half past midnight otherwise I’ll just go at it again wait *checks tags* fff obviously I don’t have a general post but anyway pls read this after you’ve done with my post and then this which is also choke-full of links. plus for a (not nice) laugh: here. AH WAIT I FOUND THE POST.

okay, so, let’s have it out of the way: I have nothing against mob aus or crime aus. I have a problem against calling them mafia AUs because in the US mafia = organized crime at large, in Italy mafia = ACTUAL EXISTING ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE ACTIVELY HARMFUL. now that I introduced the topic I’ll c/p you the reply I gave to another anon who while discussing the issue pointed out that most writers don’t even know Italian mafia is a thing, which is pretty much on the same discourse so...

*The thing is - in the US it might not be enough of a deal anymore and I honestly do get why people make the mafia = regular mobsters, since the mafia was the first foreign organized crime being exported to the US via italian immigrants (sorry if this sounds horrible in English but I just woke up and I still didn’t have coffee) so I understand that mafia became the umbrella term.But the thing is that - as you said, these people don’t even know that there’s a mafia in Italy anymore or where the word comes from.

 I’m going to link to italiansreclaimingitaly’s tag about the mafia and its perception outside Italy because they posted about this extensively and it’s an excellent resource, but meanwhile I’m gonna do a very short bullet point list and about the topic:

Mafia might not be a big deal in the US, but it still is here. We have the beauty of four different mafias (Cosa Nostra - the Sicilian one, camorra which is the one in Campania but has tendrils spread everywhere, the 'ndrangheta which is in Calabria and the Sacra Corona Unita in Puglia) which are all active [especially camorra and 'ndrangheta] and whose actions have direct impact (negative) on our economy and on our society. Actually mafias are one of the main reasons we’re currently economically fucked up, and if I start talking about how mafia culture keeps some areas literally backwards I could talk about it for three months.

There are still people who are killed for standing up against them. These days the most prominent personality is Roberto Saviano who is a writer who dared to put together a book documenting minutely the way camorra works and he’s been living under protection for years by this point. Like, they want him dead because he wrote a book. And I’m sorta sure that he was talking about leaving Italy and going to the US after years of sticking with it here because he can’t take it anymore but I don’t know if it was a taken decision or if it’s still debating it.

It wasn’t even thirty years ago that we had the stragi di mafia - in english it’d be something like the mafia slaughters, basically around the beginning of the nineties there were a number of bombs planted by the mafia targeting people who were trying to oppose it including judges Falcone and Borsellino, actually the anniversary of Falcone’s death is like... tomorrow. And they’ve killed people for way longer than that. Here is a list of only Cosa Nostra victims including the ones from the eighties/nineties. And people are still dying because of it. The slaughters I’m referring to are just the ones in the nineties which are enough of a number.

They also perpetuate a culture where if you testify against your mafia-employed relatives you’ll be shunned forever. There are women who testified against their families and couldn’t see their children anymore never mind that they weren’t automatically considered a relative anymore the moment they sided against the mafia. Some people have committed suicide after becoming witnesses also because our police force/justice system can be terribly non-supportive in this kind of situation so they got left on their own. Never mind that back in the day - it was the beginning of the nineties? - I recall at least a particular story of - I think, correct me if I remember wrong but I can’t remember the names for the life of me - where this guy testified against the local mafia when he either used to work for them or was forced to pay them the pizzo and in retaliation his six-year old (or five? Anyway he had a son younger than ten for sure) got kidnapped, killed and thrown into acid to dispose of the body. That happened in what, 1993? 1994? It’s pretty much yesterday. And now the camorra is doing the same - there’s a list here of camorra victims among which accidental passerbys that got killed because they were in the way which I can tell just by glancing is not complete. And I’m not even going into the 'ndrangheta. That is to say, here mafia still kills people and cripples our country.

Now, I get that it’s a word, but the point was: let’s say that instead of the Italians the Japanese came to the US first and the umbrella word for organized crime was yakuza rather than mafia and let’s say yakuza was still what it was originally in Japan while in the US it stopped being a big deal and people write yakuza!AU instead of mafia AU. Let’s say someone Japanese gets angry at that and goes like 'listen the yakuza is a real deal it does this this this and that and it’s a plague in our country so can you please at least look it up before writing your fanfic’, which is what had happened way back then when this whole mafia and fanfic thing blew up. A bunch of people told us to get over it because it’s just a word and if it’s a problem in Italy it’s not in the US so why should they care? Now, if we had been Japanese (or Chinese or Russian or Mexican) would they have said the same thing? Considering the general tumblr attitude I’m pretty sure they would have received either an apology or 'this is an important deal let’s keep that in mind’ with signal boost reblogs and stuff. 

It’s the fact that we should get over people not knowing that it’s still a real problem for us and that they can’t take five seconds to google it that is the problem imo. Especially when instead of mafia au you can just say mobsters au or tag it as organized crime and everyone is a lot happier, mostly because as the tag above explains romanticising the mafia is a good thing for them because it means they can act outside Italy with less stigma because everyone thinks that the mafia is dead or not relevant anymore, if I’m explaining myself. (And it’s active outside Italy - like, there was a mafia kill in Germany in 2007 where six people died (sorry the link is in Italian but there isn’t an English wiki page, if you look the city up you’ll find something probably) and it was because of the 'ndrangheta.

I’d really like to not get worked over it because it meant it was a thing of the past y'know, but the problem is that it isn’t and I’d rather spread some awareness in hope some of these writers look it up (because it’s a good thing that people know what mafia is since as stated they have tendrils everywhere - if you read Saviano’s book the entire first chapter is about how camorra regularly deals with Chinese import/export in Italy for one) than shrug and figure that since they’ll think everything is good for fanfic then it’s not even worth my time.*

Now, ^^^ that was the c/p-ed reply that should answer most of your doubts. What I didn’t address was:

im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

aaaand as we say here in Italy, this is where the donkey falls (sorry we have weird sayings), because in theory there’s nothing wrong with that... except that in 99% of the mafia aus I’ve seen around the thing is that they’re supposed to be cute.

like, I see a lot of shit with TINY MAFIA BOSS STEVE ROGERS with RUSSIAN ENFORCER BUCKY (????? bucky isn’t even russian???) and the yoi thing I saw before had the japanese character being the leader of a russian mafia gang which is... like... guys it doesn’t happen it really doesn’t, and a lot of them re-use wrongly terminology taken from the godfather without context or knowing what the hell it means, and it’s always from the criminals’ pov and they’re somehow seen as criminals doing justice where the police can’t (???) and like... no. mafia bosses/enforcers/employees are bad people period, and at least here if you try to leave or repent they kill your family in retribution. like, not even ten years ago there’s been a woman who used to belong to a mafia family (or one colluded with the mafia) who testified and her entire town/family shunned her and she couldn’t take it anymore and... killed herself drinking acid if I don’t recall wrong. it’s not even special cases. this shit is not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not adorable and it’s not good fodder for your imagine your otp scenario (srsly I saw one like.. let me find it,

LIKE. just look at this shit. in a regular context, the enforcer goes to the show owner to force them to pay a monthly sum to their boss lest they destroy their shop and their lives and their family’s life never mind that mafia culture is deeply homophobic so the mafia enforcer flirting with the shopkeeper is like completely fucking out of the question. I mean, people here like to shit on the sopranos but that show was actually excellent representation of Horrid Criminals Who Were Never Supposed To Be Good People and the small arc that happened when one of tony’s friends turned out to be gay (closeted) was REALLY well done. btw, it ended that when they found out he was gay most of the crowd rejected him and thought badly of him until I think they killed him also for other reasons, but that spiraled from finding out he liked dick. and that’s american mafia that they actually based on well-done research of the culture in Italy it came from, I assure you that here it doesn’t work that differently. like. the shit above is so inaccurate and frankly offensive, it’s like... I get people romanticizing problematic stuff but the thing is that when you tell them that it’s actually offensive you get brushed off as ‘ah well you’re being too sensitive it’s just a word u__u’. now, I’m all for exploring shit we wouldn’t be into, but not like THAT, because that’s like mafia romantic comedy and that’s not how it works. now, you wanna do a fic where the mafia characters are deeply flawed and bad people and the police tries to catch them? fine, great, go ahead. you wanna do a fic where the enforcer above deals with dunno an entire life of internalized homophobia when he finds the shopkeeper attractive and feels conflicted over having to con money out of him and doing horrible shit for a living and maybe understanding that crime isn’t worth it and then he actually collaborates with the police and gets shit from about everyone he knows and loves for that? okay, awesome, go ahead. nothing bad in that.

but the shit above is not exploring things we wouldn’t/writing darkfic, it’s THINKING THAT A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION WHICH IS STILL A THING IN OUR PART OF THE WORLD IS CUTE AND ADORABLE. and that only plays in their favor because it takes the bad aura out of the word and we really should not let that happen. like. that is what is bad about mafia aus and mafia discourse, that people don’t realize the mafia is alive and well and thriving and not a thing that doesn’t exist or a generic word for organized crime.

you wanna write the shit above? okay, CALL IT CRIME AU or mob au, not mafia au.

btw, add-on: idk if I mentioned it in the above post or not, but in case I didn’t, I said that people would balk at the idea of a mexican cartel au. sadly since then I’ve found out a fandom where not only there is one but it’s also extra cutesy and people apparently love it and it has a bunch of kudos/comments and idek I’m not even touching that with a ten foot pole but like... I’ve avoided it and everything that author wrote because to me it’s just... nope. like, nope. if you do mafia aus don’t make them fucking cute. (also: in the same fandom I had to mute a v. famous fanartist whose art I actually liked but did cutesy mafia aus and.. like... haahahhaahahahahaha nah sorry. can’t go there. nope.)

[burnedhybrid]

nonnie <3

I didn’t want to post your ask because I didnt want anyone going to this person and potentially bashing them for their views and since you asked me- I’m just putting this out there for you :)

As a Klayley shipper too, I have to say I do agree with everything they said regarding Klayley. I’ve said it before that I’d love to see that play out, it’s not a popular opinion, but it's my opinion. Klaus has really matured, and come into his own this season, I’ve really loved watching that happen. I think Hayley and Klaus’ relationship has gotten to this really beautiful position. I’m all here for it. I don’t think that’s something that can happen over night. But I hope they write that well, if and when it happens.

Bare in mind I said I agree with everything she said about the ship- The individual characters however;

I put Hayley and her happiness first. I haven’t denied that. Her being happy regardless of whether she’s in a relationship with whomever really isn’t a bother. She’s a mother now, Hope is her everything. I agree with the majority of her view points, they are valid and she handled the questions so well, I’m afraid I’m not as eloquent with my words but I’ll give it a go. Sorry to be a little vague as well, I’m not here to start wars, lmao. The points I don’t share the same agreement on will be addressed below -

Elijah is a very complex character. While I do think this season weve seen a different side to him I’d also like highlight a pattern I’ve seen in his character. Family and their values are very dear to him. Elijah will always put himself at the front line to be in battle and not care about the outcome when it comes to protecting those he cares for. This isn’t about Hayley, this is about Family. Its a trait he’s always had, all you have to do is look back, read the TO books and do your homework. 

Their cursed lives affected him dramatically and he’s been the big brother trying to keep somewhat of a resemblance of what once was, and what he hoped his family to be, which is why he was so encouraging for klaus to accept the baby. He remember what it used to be like that and due to everything that’s happened in his centuries of living.

Like Klaus, things changed, people changed and they both hardened. Both committed unforgivable crimes. But Klaus admitted that Elijah is better than him, he does it for his family insinuating they did it for fun. For sport. For the heck of it.

Elijahs happiness has always been stopped one way or another, this has been something he’s dealt with since he was a child. With all that happened he was kind of thrown into this parental figure for his siblings and has always sought out that bond and unity. During his centuries of course Elijah has hardened and numbed to a lot of emotion. He admitted himself he has no clue what feeling human is like anymore. And honestly, if you think about it, he’s had every reason to, he lives and breathes for his family and strives to bring back what they once had as humans. In turn he’s been daggered, had lovers killed in front of him, by family members, by klaus, been manipulated, walked all over and I’m keeping that light- and after all of that, he dusts himself off and continuously puts himself in compromising positions to make others happy. He gets shit on, cleans himself off, gets shit on, cleans himself off- you get the picture.

After centuries of that cycle, don’t you think that you’d harden too? Maybe thats why Elijah is able to walk into a battle ground and do what he has to do if it’ll bring the family peace/safety. 9/10 no one even notices either. Once he died and Klaus stood over his body and apologized. Last season Klaus told Elijah he couldnt ‘do this’ without him. Dare I say it- Elijah is the backbone of this family. He’s so used to that position of brushing aside his own feelings, wants and needs for another. A friend pointed out to me the other day that when Freya told him she wasn’t going to let him die Elijah looked shocked, I went back and watched it and I got it. Freya is the oldest now, she vowed to take care of him and in all honesty I dont think hes ever had that feeling. He switched roles, he became the little brother, he was looked after. Its really nice to see.

Of course he’s going to think the core of his foundation is this blood riddled room, with the most painful memory/version of himself in. He’s been doing that all of his life. He hates that side of himself, he tries to run from that and he always ends up back to square one.

But this has been centuries of this spiral and he met Hayley and she was innocent and young a massive reminder of what humanity was and is to him. She encourages him to find that within him again.

Hayley know this, she’s just never seen it and when she did, he attacked her, with the intent to kill. And she’s reacting the way any woman should. I agree with her. Elijah was wrong for that, regardless, she’ll probably forgive him too because she loves him. She was still in there, it was all very real for her, regardless. But she’ll regard the circumstance they were in. But for herself, for Hope, she’ll move on. 100% agree.

In turn Hayley is a baby in this battlefield, she’s young and just as she got used to and grasped the fact she was a wolf, at least when she was just that she could comprehend that, she was still built like a human, she then became a hybrid and there she is now even farther from her human roots, dealing with things like humanity switches. She strives to stay human, to feel pain, to not block it out. Personally I think it’s for an array of reasons. Hope being number 1. She wants to give that little girl to have everything that she and klaus never did. They can’t be numb and raise a child. I’ve said already that I agree with them breaking up, i was never angry about the ship ending. They were doomed from the start. Always said that. Its a tragic love story.

Insinuating that the man whos only ever acted in violence for his family's greater good suddenly is a woman beater, when the whole cast have been doing these crimes from the beginning of time is absurd.

Using that relationship as an example doesn’t make sense since Elijah went about everything the right gentlemanly way.

But I still stand by being upset at the writer's’ personal bias conveying into their writing. Give me a week to get over it. Lol. I get the point they were trying to make. I’m a feminist, I have people in my family that have had violence and abuse in their household. I love that they felt compelled to change scripts is awesome. This show is notorious for promoting that romanticized violence. So is TVD, especially TVD. Elijah’s character was a poor representation is all. That wasn’t fair on his character.

But its a show. Its fake and its fragments of people's imagination played out on screen its not real. I have a ton more views in some previous posts  you can search  for those on my blog to see some more opinions.

Also again- this is why I don’t follow certain tags, because I dont like hate from different sets of the fandom. Its so unnecessary. I’m so sorry if someone from another ship has been giving you hate. I hope it gets better soon.

Also, also- sorry for the typo’s in advance, this is so long and I didnt bother editing lmao.

[reignmyworld]

My soul belongs to you Part 5 - Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: Please note that this story takes place in a Greek Mythology respectively Greek Underworld AU, also in modern times (hard to explain, see for yourselves :D). So please bear with me if I mess up with the accuracy somewhere. :-)

Summary: You are a barista at Starbucks, having noticed that there is a customer visiting that coffee shop on a regular basis, but although you have seen him several times already, all you know is his name: Roman. One day your life takes a turn for the worst when you receive a fatal call, telling you that your sister is fighting for her life. You are willing to give your own life in exchange for hers, you are willing to give everything to save her. Little do you know that someone was listening to you, someone was willing to save your sister’s soul and take yours instead. And you soon have to figure out that there is more to this world than you would have ever believed.

Warnings: none

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

In order to read the other parts, please enter “My soul belongs to you” in the search on my blog. You should find them then without further problems. :-)

Tag List: @queenofthearchitect @trixdeee @calwitch @alexisbagans143 @the-queens-reign @mermaid-at-heart @taryndibiase @taryn-dibiase @kingslayers-reign @scuzmunkie @happelu970 @vebner37 @sausagefest1996 @yndaree @i-prefer-queen @nikora3010 @aria725 @ersotoruiz @ashhdaniellee95 @roman-hetfield @lustyromantic @i-dont-care-i-ship-it-69 @easyobsession @calicina @neganlangdon

You carefully moved to your door, listening closely there to make sure that no one was in front of it, before you slowly turned the key, opening the door and peeking outside. The floor was completely empty just as you had hoped and before you could change your opinion, you were slipping outside of the room, making your way through the palace. You were moving as carefully and quietly as you could and you prayed that you wouldn’t run into Roman once again, not willing to even think of him by his real persona. You had no idea where you had to go, had no idea, where the exit was, but eventually after a little eternity you found it. At least you thought that it was, however, when you were opening the double door, you found yourself on a patio and your breath automatically hitched. 

The view in front of you was absolutely breathtaking. Whatever you had expected, it definitely wasn’t that. Whenever you had read about the underworld or hell, you imagined it to be a deadly and horrific place by the descriptions you were given. You thought, that you would hear screams of pain, that you would see suffering, that everything was either pitch black, dark and gruesome or that there would be fire, an unbearable hotness and endless suffering. But what you actually saw? It couldn’t be further from what you had imagined or what those books made you believe. You were staring down at an endless landscape, the grass as green as you had never seen it before, countless roses in front of you with a sky, that couldn’t be more blue. You didn’t really trust your eyes, thinking that all of this must be a beautiful illusion. 

You slowly made your way down, heading down the stairs until you reached the beautiful garden, smelling the typical smell of the roses and all of the other beautiful flowers surrounding you. You carefully touched them, noticing that they were as real as they could be. You wandered around, taking in the beautiful sight in front of you before you left the garden and apparently the borders of the palace, wandering outside of them. The whole landscape portrayed sheer beauty; there were flowers, trees, little houses with people in and in front of them. As you looked closer you realized that they were not of flesh and blood, that you could see through them if you looked closely. Those must have been the souls, that came here to continue their lives in the underworld. If you were honest to yourself, it looked more like a paradise than the cruel hell you always expected when the word "underworld" came to your mind. 

You were so trapped in its beauty that you didn't realize how someone was moving closer to you until you felt a soft tugging at your hand. When you looked down a little girl, approximately eight years old, smiled up at you, asking: "Are you new here? I'm Lizzy." You had to smile as well as you answered: "Yes I'm new here. I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you, Lizzy." 

"Nice to meet you, too. You aren't dead, are you?" You gulped hard as you realized that she obviously was, before you shook your head, saying: "No I am not. Well at least I hope so.“ You looked down at your body, noticing that you still were made of flesh and blood, answering almost too quiet for your own ears: „At least I hope that I’m not. I don’t know.“ You didn’t want to even think of it, didn’t want to accept that fate.  

"But why are you here then?" 

"My sister was close to dying and I have traded my soul for hers without knowing it." She looked at you with big eyes before she nodded in understanding, a huge smile on her face as she said: "Oh I see. But you are going to love it here Y/N. Everyone around here is really nice and there is nothing to worry about. You just shouldn't wander alone to certain parts of the underworld since that's where the bad people have to stay." 

"The bad people?" 

"Yes, people that did hurt others, people that killed others. Just like the man, that is responsible that my family and I are here." 

"You mean...?" 

"He came into our house one night in order to rob us. Daddy tried to stop him and so did Mommy but they couldn't. He basically sent us here. I don't know what had happened to him but I had seen him when he was taken to one of the places, I'm not supposed to go." 

"I'm so sorry.", you said, your heart heavy for that little girl in front of you. "Oh don't be. We have a beautiful after life here. There's no pain, no sorrow and we are together. Daddy always says that Hades is a great guy and that we have to be grateful for all that he is doing for us down here. You know giving up his chance to be with the other gods and goddesses  and instead making sure that we are safe down here, that everything is going according to the rules. And he is right. When we came here, I was terribly afraid but Hades made sure that I felt comfortable as he was showing me the underworld, showing me that it was a beautiful place, that I could live here and be together with my family for all eternity. Has he shown you around as well?", Lizzy asked, a huge grin on her face. You shook your head as you mumbled: "No. To be honest, we are not really on good terms currently." 

"Don't tell me that he hadn't been nice to you? If you want me to, I can talk to him.“, she wanted to know, her tiny face angry, causing you to laugh out loud. "Let's just say that he hadn't really prepared me for the fact that I had to come with him, that I had to live down here and it caught me off guard.", you said amused, having to admit that you found that little girl adorable. Once again she nodded her head as if she was understanding it completely, replying: "You are really going to love it here. It's a beautiful place and Hades is really nice when he doesn't hate you." 

Before you could answer you heard a woman call for Lizzy in the distance. "That's my mum. I have to to go. See you later Y/N.", she squealed before she ran towards her mother. "See you later Lizzy", you exclaimed before you continued with your initial way, wandering around, Lizzy's words spinning around your mind. You didn't really pay attention to where you were going, didn't really notice that the beautiful landscape vanished until you found yourself in a dead forest, that was surrounded by fog, the trees surrounding you looking creepier and spookier than you could have imagined. 

You had no idea where you were. The air around you was becoming colder, there were lamentation, that seemed to come from all around you. You had no idea how to get back to the palace and the noises you were hearing kind of snowed you, drawing you nearer although you didn't feel like going there. You wanted to turn back, wanted to return to the safety of the palace and its surrounding gardens but you couldn't. Your feet dragged you to a different destination, following the painful voices and screeches, that you were hearing. You could feel shivers running down your spine as you were walking through the forest, having the feeling as if thousands of invisible eyes were following you. 

You had no idea what you should do, you didn't even dare to scream for help as the scenery once again changed. You had stepped out of the forest, not knowing how long you had been wandering through it already and your breath instantly hitched. The part of the underworld you had seen first reminded you of a paradise. It was beautiful, it was full of light, everything was blooming, but this here... It was the exact opposite. It looked like the pits of hell you had always imagined. There were neither flowers nor trees, everything was dark and black. The air was hot, you could barely breathe. And those terrible voices, that were drawing you closer, although everything in you screamed that you should turn around and run away the fastest that you could, you couldn’t escape them. 

Instead you were walking closer to where they came from like you were a puppet on a string. "Help me", one voice in particular screeched as you were following it. The closer you got the more people you saw, all of them seemed to be in different stages of agony, men and women quite alike. You wanted to help, felt bad for them, but at the same time it smelled like a trap, it felt as if something was off. You knew, that you shouldn't go further and yet you did. "Come here, help me", you heard that particular voice once again. 

As soon as you were close enough a hand was grabbing your wrist, holding it tight. "Now you belong to us", you heard a creepy voice, the hand grabbing you was more skeleton like than human. You tried to free yourself, tried to get away, but you couldn't as you were drawn closer and closer to that dark pit, that smelled as if thousands of corpses were rotting in there. Fear threatened to overwhelm you as you tried to break free, as you tried to get away from it. "Let go of me". your voice was barely more than a whisper, your wrist burning like fire. You had no idea where you were, had no idea how you came here but you knew for sure, that you wouldn't be able to break free, that whatever this thing down there was, it was dragging you in.

Suddenly that grip around your wrist was gone, a shrill scream could be heard, that made you cover your ears without thinking about it twice. As you looked next to you, you saw Roman standing there, his face furious as he tossed whatever had been grabbing you, back to where it came from. He turned to you, his voice angrier than it should be as he wanted to know: "What the hell are you doing out here?" You were still shaking as you snapped back: "What? I thought I was a guest and not a hostage... Which would mean that I am free to run around." You could watch as he calmed down, his voice rather concerned now as he answered: "Yes and I meant it like that. Sure, you are free to wander around, but there was a reason why I wanted to show you the underworld first. Certain places down here can be dangerous and I meant to stick to my promise that nothing will happen to you." 

You wanted to scold him, wanted to tell him off, but you realized how massively unfair that would have been, hence why you took a deep breath instead, saying: "I'm sorry. I mean for running around here, for behaving like I have done. The whole thing. It was just too much to handle I guess." He gave you one of his irresistible smiles as he answered: "No offense taken. I can absolutely understand that this must be overwhelming. And I'm really sorry, that I had to take you down here like that. I guess I just thought I would scare you less that way. I guess I have been terribly wrong." 

"Yeah you could have prepared me a little bit better I would say.", you said, a tiny smile on your face, adding shortly after: "Does the offer of showing me the underworld still stand?" 

"Absolutely", he answered amused before he gestured you to follow him, leading you back through that creepy forest. You watched him from the side as you wanted to know: "So is one of those superpowers a god possesses to know where all people are throughout every single second?" You could hear his deep chuckle as he answered: "I'm afraid we are not as cool as that. The truth is, that we have something like employees, people and spirits, that are making sure, that everything is going according to plan, informing us if things are slightly off." You nodded your head, asking: "So one of those spirits found me?" 

"No, it was your little friend telling me where you went as I was searching for you." You had to think about it for a few moments, before a smile appeared on your face, wanting to know: "Lizzy?" 

"Lizzy", he confirmed amused. You stayed silent for a few moments before you said, your voice sadder than before: "She and her family had been killed, haven't they?" 

"Yes they had. Rather brutally to be honest. I know, that it's actually nothing I should talk about but her father had to watch her mother being raped and killed like he had to watch Lizzy getting killed before that scum of society slit his throat.“, Roman answered with you hissing outraged: "I hope that their murderer rots in hell." 

"He does. And he almost dragged you in." 

"That creature, that was holding my wrist…?“ 

"Was their murderer, yes. He probably somehow knew that you made Lizzy's acquaintance, getting a certain kick of bewitching you. That was the second time I've tossed him in there personally and if he asks for it, I will do so a third and a fourth." You wanted to say something else, wanted to ask him how he can handle his life down here, but instead Roman let you know: "I guess I should tell you a few things about this whole place here first. The underworld is a realm, that is only visible for the dead, made solely for them. No living could ever find it and if they do for whatever reasons, Cerberus is there to hold them back." 

"But I'm here.", you said before you added: "Does this mean that I am dead?" You feared his answer, but you simply had to know. „No, you are very much alive.", he smiled at you, saying: "Although I have to stick to the rules down here, I nevertheless make them. I can alter them to a certain degree but I can't apply them to some people and not to others. Since you traded your soul for your sister's, I brought you here as one, meaning your body and your soul are still connected. You're as alive as I am. Sometimes exceptions have to be made." You didn't ask what he meant as you listened closely what he was telling you. "When I brought you here, I basically skipped a part. Cerberus protecting the gates of the underworld was not the real entrance. I didn't want to scare you, so I haven't started at the very entrance but we can go there if you want to. Before you can enter the underworld, you are greeted by spirits, that are supposed to scare every living away, that should find the entrance to the underworld. If you come that far you will meet grief, anxiety, diseases, old age, fear, agony, death and sleep. Besides that, there are many beasts like centaurs, gorgons, the Lernaean Hydra or Harpies guiding the entrance. Souls, that are on their way to the underworld, will be brought to Cerberus by my loyal Ferryman Charon, who brings them either over the river Acheron or the river Styx." 

While he was talking, Roman led you back to the beautiful landscapes you had been coming from and you listened closely, comparing everything he was telling you with the knowledge you thought you had gathered from your books. "Is it true, that the underworld is surrounded by six rivers?", you wanted to know with Roman chuckling as he answered: "I see you have really studied that book. But no, there are only five main rivers. You have Styx, the river of hatred, circling the underworld seven times. There's Acheron, the river of pain, Lethe, the river of forgetfulness, Phlegethon, the river of fire and Cocytus, the river of wailing. Whatever you are doing, don't go into them, don't drink from them… Acheron makes you feel pain, Lethe makes you forget everything. They stick by their name.“ 

You nodded your head, wanting to know: "Once a soul passes Cerberus, what then? Is it allowed to wander free?" Roman shook his head as he continued: "No. Since you were fainting, you unfortunately couldn't see what was happening then. Come on, follow me." You didn't dare to ask where you were going but just minutes later you saw Cerberus' back in front of a massive gate while a lot of souls passed through it. 

"Have they...? I mean...", you started with Roman nodding as if he knew what you wanted to ask: „Yes, all of them have recently died. I know that there is a lot of different religions out there but no matter what people believe, there is only one underworld. Everyone that dies, ends up here, no matter your culture, country, religion. Those souls coming down here... They have died of war, old age, suicide, homicide, accidents... They are all coming down here in this one place. Come on.", you felt his hand on your back as he was guiding you closer, so you could see what was going on. 

He didn't let go of you probably fearing that you might faint again. You couldn't turn your eyes away as you noticed that the souls were heading towards three people, that sent out an aura of authority. "Are those the judges?", you whispered as Roman nodded his head, explaining: "Yes as soon as the souls arrive here they are at the mercy of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, which decide the fate of the souls, sending them to one of technically three bigger areas down here in the underworld.“ Before he could continue, you wanted to know: "Do you have any say in this?" 

"Of course, I do. But I'm trusting them and their judgement. There was never a case where I had to interfere, where I had to make their decision obsolete, although I'm basically looking at every choice they are making.“

"Isn't that a lot of work?", you asked skeptical, causing him to chuckle as he answered: "Yes it is, but since it is my only purpose in life and the underworld doesn't run itself, it is okay." You were curious, wanted to know what was with Persephone but you didn't dare to ask. Somehow you didn't really want to make her acquaintance although it was you that had mentioned her a couple of days ago."What happens to them now?", you asked with Roman explaining: "As already mentioned, the judges choose now where the souls are sent to. It is taken into account how they have behaved while they were alive, what kind of people they were, how they treated others, how they treated animals etc. Wealth and money doesn't count down here, it is your character and your treatment of others as well as how much good you had done, that decides where you are sent to. If they choose a soul for Elysium, it has to drink from Lethe first, so it forgets anything of its former life and can live a restful and stress-free afterlife." 

"Why don't you leave them their memories?", you wanted to know. Roman gave you a sad smile, replying: "Because it would hurt them too much. They should be able to live a peaceful life here and don't need to be reminded of their past lives or the way they died." 

"But maybe they want to remember. Maybe they don't want to forget the people close to them, the people they loved, the life they have left?", you mentioned, thinking about your own past, that seemed to be so long ago. Roman must have heard the sadness in your voice as he answered: "Don't worry Y/N. It's not like that. Take a look at Lizzy. Once a soul's family member, friend, wife or husband, you name it... Once they arrive here said soul will remember them, will remember the beautiful life they had shared. It is basically just a limited time, that they would forget about that to lessen their pain. It is my duty to make sure that they will recognize and remember each other once they meet again." Your heart immediately went light when you heard those words. That indeed sounded like paradise to you. "That sounds beautiful", you smiled with Roman returning it as he stated: "It is. Inside of Elysium there is the Isles of the Blessed. It would be too complicated to explain it now in detail but under certain circumstances you are granted access to the Isles of the Blessed, that grants unending bliss. There's another area, that consists of the Mourning Fields and the Fields of Punishment. The Mourning Fields are inhabited by those souls, that wasted their lives on unrequited love. I know, that it sounds harsh but those souls going there are not bad. They even have been granted access to the Elysium but for whatever reason, that only they know, they decided that they didn't want to drink from Lethe, that they didn't want to forget their past life but they would rather spend their eternity mourning what they had lost. This Field just like the Field of Punishment is located close to the forest we had passed before. The Field of Punishment is full of those souls, that had committed crimes, that were mostly bad during their lifetime. Those souls aren't forgetting their old lives either as they shall remember what they are getting punished for. It's a task I don't exactly love but it is my job to decide on their punishment, just as I can grant them absolution when I'm of the opinion that they fully regret, what they had done. In that case I can send them to Elysium after all if they paid their dues. The place, I have found you before, is the worst form of the Field of Punishment." 

You shivered once again as you whispered: "That was Tartarus, wasn't it?" Roman nodded his head and without thinking about it twice he was pulling you closer, whispering: "Tartarus is the most terrible place in the whole underworld. It's not really belonging here but it's rather a place far beneath the underworld. It is dark through and through, the fiery water of Phlegethon is running down there. Being in Tartarus equals pure terror and horrific pain. Only the worst souls like the murderer of Lizzy's family end up down there. Sometimes they try to find their way out, sometimes they make it to the surface, but as soon as they reach it, I'm tossing them back in right away. I'm just so sorry that he got his hand on you." You were gulping hard as you rubbed over your wrist. 

You didn't want to think about it so you asked: "What's the third place?" Roman studied your face for some more moments but whatever he wanted to say, he decided against it, as he answered instead: "Those are the Fields of Asphodel, basically that area, where people head to, that wanted to remember their past, and people that were not good enough for Elysium, as stupid as this sounds. It is the area surrounding the palace." You thought about it before you wanted to know: "So this means that Lizzy and her family were not good enough for Elysium?" Roman had to smile as he realized how shocked you sounded. "No, this just means that a soul down here has a saying in where it wants to be. The judges make their choice but that doesn't mean, that a soul doesn't have a free will. If a soul is allowed to enter Elysium but wants to stay in the Fields of Asphodel, it is free to do so. If a soul is sent to the Fields of Punishment, it has no other choice than to go there. People, that have been good in their lifetime, can decide here as well." 

This statement somehow really calmed you down.  Before you could say anything else there was an uproar in front of the judges as some souls didn't seem to be happy with where the judges were sending them. "Seems as if there is work to do. How about you head back to the palace while I take care of this matter? I will catch up with you once I am done here and will answer every possible question you have then.", Roman's deep voice asked, locking eyes with you. You scolded yourself as you had the feeling of drowning in them, trying to keep a clear thought as you answered: "Okay. I'm trying not to get lost again." You heard his heartfelt laugh as he replied: "I really hope so." With that he turned around, heading for the gate while you were staring after him. You still couldn't process any of that but he was right with one thing. When he was around you, you felt safe. 

[reignmyworld]

My soul belongs to you Part 4 - Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: Please note that this story takes place in a Greek Mythology respectively Greek Underworld AU, also in modern times (hard to explain, see for yourselves :D). So please bear with me if I mess up with the accuracy somewhere. :-)

Summary: You are a barista at Starbucks, having noticed that there is a customer visiting that coffee shop on a regular basis, but although you have seen him several times already, all you know is his name: Roman. One day your life takes a turn for the worst when you receive a fatal call, telling you that your sister is fighting for her life. You are willing to give your own life in exchange for hers, you are willing to give everything to save her. Little do you know that someone was listening to you, someone was willing to save your sister’s soul and take yours instead. And you soon have to figure out that there is more to this world than you would have ever believed.

Warnings: angst

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

In order to read the other parts, please enter “My soul belongs to you” in the search on my blog. You should find them then without further problems. :-)

Tag List: @queenofthearchitect @trixdeee @calwitch @alexisbagans143 @the-queens-reign @mermaid-at-heart @taryndibiase @kingslayers-reign @scuzmunkie @happelu970 @vebner37 @sausagefest1996 @yndaree @i-prefer-queen @nikora3010 @aria725 @ersotoruiz @ashhdaniellee95 @roman-hetfield @lustyromantic @i-dont-care-i-ship-it-69

He was nodding his head, a sad smile on his face. You wanted to believe that you were trapped in a bad dream, that it was all just a beautiful nightmare, but you knew that this was indeed real. Actually, you were not one of the faint-hearted but after all that had happened, this was simply too much for you to process. You must have fainted as the next thing you remembered was that you woke up in a comfortable bed in a rather comfy room. You lifted yourself up carefully, looking around, trying to figure out where you were. The room was rather big, its interior primarily of black, violet and golden colors. You were lying on a huge king size bed, a beautiful bed canopy surrounding you. There were huge windows letting in some light while beautiful violet curtains surrounded them. 

You had no idea where you were and it took you a few moments until you remembered everything. Your shift at the coffee shop, Roman’s strange behavior, him telling you that it was time for you to go, that strange cave, that three headed dog, the realization, that hit you when you figured out who he actually was. If you would have been in your own bed now, you would have said that it was just a weird dream, but the reality hit you hard. All of that really happened, your sister indeed magically survived, you sold your soul without knowing it and no matter how often you wanted to file it under rubbish, you had to accept that you apparently were in the underworld now, a place that you loved to read about but were rather certain that it didn’t exist. 

Now that you had the time to sort your thoughts and your feelings, now that you had the time to think about it, you wanted to cry as you felt betrayed. You made a deal, that you didn’t even know, that it was on the table at all. Would you change your decision and not give your life for your sister’s? Of course not, but at least you would have expected to be told the truth. You had to laugh although you sounded anything but amused. Yeah, as if you would have believed anything about this in the first place if someone had bothered to tell you about it. The more you thought about the situation you found yourself in, the more realization hit you. You had read enough about Greek mythology to know what the underworld meant; it was forbidden for a mortal to access it just like it was forbidden for someone dead to leave it. That was what Cerberus was there for, making sure that no living being entered the underworld by accident just like no dead soul was supposed to leave. This meant, that you either shouldn’t be here or that you literally traded your life for your sister’s and that you were actually dead. 

As you thought about it, tears were falling on your cheeks as this was way too much for you to handle. It was not primarily the problem of believing any of that, of accepting it. Sure, you had your problems with that, but you had already read a lot about it, having to admit even back then that you could accept the possibility of all of those myths or legends being true to a certain degree. What you could not handle, however, was the fact, that you were at a place, that you apparently weren’t allowed to leave, a place, where you had to stay, a place, you wouldn’t see your sister and your parents ever again. Before you could think twice you were burying your head into the pillow, crying your eyes out. You had no idea how long you let despair wash over you, had no idea how much time had passed, but as soon as you felt that you could trust your composure you left the bed. You wanted answers, you wanted an explanation for all of this and there was only one person, that could give it to you. 

As you were searching for Roman - Hades - however you should call him, anger started to boil in you. You had no idea why but you felt betrayed, felt as if you had been brought to a place against your will, being forced to stay there. “The rape of Persephone”, you mumbled as you remembered one of the myths, you were reading and your anger grew as you couldn’t help but to notice the parallels. You had no idea where you were, had no idea where you were going. There were countless floors, countless doors leading to countless rooms. By the sheer dimension you would have guessed that this must have been a castle or rather a palace. “Sure where else would the ruler of the underworld live?”, you asked yourself sarcastically as you turned around the next corner, hitting hard against an obstacle. 

Before you could stumble backwards you felt a strong grip around your arm, hearing a familiar deep voice shortly after. „Easy there. You should be in your bed resting and not running around here.“ ,Roman said as he made sure that you wouldn’t fall. You stared at him, exclaiming louder than you wanted to: „You... I want some answers and I deserve them now. And don’t even think about telling me to head back to where I came from.“ He was crooking an eyebrow at you before he shortly nodded his head, stating: „You are right and you shall have them. But not here. We‘re not the only people in this building and I’d rather not have other people listening. Just follow me.“ You had been freeing yourself from his grip in the meantime and started walking behind him as he headed for one of the countless doors. 

When he opened it, you found yourself in what looked like a huge living room. The whole furniture and interior was mostly dark again but it nevertheless looked surprisingly comfy in there. Roman gestured to you that you should sit down on the couch with you following his request while he sat down on the opposite of you in a big chair. Before he had the chance to ask what you wanted to know, you already started: “How dare you bring me here, taking me away from my family? If that’s a contract I have unknowingly signed, fine, so be it. But you at least should have given me a damn head’s up with regard to the terms and conditions." 

„Would you have believed me?“ 

„Probably not, but...“ 

„If you knew, would it have changed your opinion? Wouldn’t you still have traded your life for your sister‘s?“ 

„Of course not, I still would have done anything to save her.“ 

„Then I don’t understand your problem now.“, Roman concluded as he studied your face with your anger boiling even more as you hissed: „Are you just playing dumb with me? You don’t understand my problem? You basically took me away from my life, took me away from my family. You didn’t make me aware of it, didn’t give me the chance to adjust to it, didn’t give me the slightest chance to somehow say goodbye to my family. Can you even imagine how they must feel now that I’m suddenly gone as if earth had just sucked me in?! I’m away and they have no clue why. They must be sick of worry just because the god of the underworld decided to be a massive dickhead.“ You talked yourself in fury bit by bit. He crooked an eyebrow at you, wanting to know: „Do you really think that you should talk to me like that? I haven’t made the rules. That’s how it is meant to be. If one soul is supposed to leave, it is my duty to make sure that it arrives here safe and sound. If someone else offers to take that soul’s place, who am I to decline? Besides that, I have asked you whether you really would give your life. You basically had a choice.” 

You shook your head angrily as you snapped: “Yes that’s exactly how I should talk to you. Don’t try to play dumb with me. You run this place here, you make the rules. And how kind of you to ask whether I’m serious. I guess that’s at least one more choice than Persephone had, isn’t it?” You could see how his face darkened as he wanted to know: “What did you just say?” 

“Oh I bet that you understood me pretty clearly. Are you really that desperate that you have to kidnap people instead of giving them a choice?”, you wanted to know enraged with him responding icy: “You shouldn’t talk about things, you have no idea about.” 

“Oh well, I think I know exactly what I am talking about. She may not have traded her soul but you did the same to her like you did to me. You kidnapped her from her mother, brought her to the underworld, where she had to stay for all eternity, just because you had decided that you wanted her. Don’t fucking tell me that this looks like a damn choice. A choice you basically haven’t given me either, even if the circumstances were different. You are a sad example of a god and an even sadder example of a man. I just hope that she had the chance to escape by now.” 

Before you could continue he had jumped out off his chair, having moved over to you, where he was towering you, leaning down, his whole body radiating danger while his face was just inches away from yours as he hissed: “I appreciate that you have studied my story into detail but you shouldn’t believe everything you read. It never happened like that and I sure as hell don’t owe you an explanation. I have saved your sister’s life and you should be forever grateful for that. Life is no fun, decisions, that have to be made, are not always easy. You wanted your sister alive, you have to pay the price for that deal. And now you should shut it before I’m dragging you back to Cerberus, offering you as a little snack for him. You’re a guest in my world, so act like one. And now get up so I can show you everything in your new home.” You locked eyes with him, anger and fear battling for dominance as you got up, pushing him away while doing so. 

As he tried to regain his balance, you snapped: “I don’t give a fuck who you are. I’m not a guest around here, I’m your hostage. This will never be my home. And I want you to know one thing and you better write that down. I’m not Persephone, I won’t kiss your ass in the end, I won’t accept my fate. And if I have to make your every encounter with me miserable, I will gladly do so. You will regret, that you have brought me here without asking for my consent and you will gladly bring me back to my family, because I can assure you that I’m making it hell for you that you have brought me here. You are a lame excuse of a god and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that your family has damned you to rule over the dead because apparently no mortal could deal with your presence.” 

You knew that you were harsh, knew that it wasn’t exactly fair because - apart from taking you to the underworld - he hadn’t been anything but friendly and polite to you, but you couldn’t change it. All of this was way too much. You missed your family, you missed your friends, your job, your life… And being aware of never getting anything of that back, just had the worst of you. 

Before he could say a word, you pushed past him, leaving the room as fast as you could, slamming the door behind you. You rushed back to your room, not giving a single fuck about the beauty of the palace you were staying in nor about what secrets the underworld might have to offer to you. Once you reached your room, you slipped in, locking the door behind you, before you threw yourself on the bed, burying your head into the pillow and crying your eyes out once again. It didn’t take long until you heard a severe knocking at your door, followed by Roman’s deep voice: “Y/N, I can understand that all of this overwhelms you, but locking yourself up in that room, doesn’t help one bit. Just get out of there.” 

“Just fuck off.”, you yelled with him answering annoyed: “Wow pretty mature. I said it before and I say it again. You are a guest here, start acting like one.” You couldn’t help yourself as you shouted back: “I’m your fucking hostage. Stop twisting the reality. And now leave me the fuck alone and let me somehow get used to the fact, that I have to see your sorry ass for the rest of my miserable life down here.” You were sure that he was standing on the other side of the door, probably thinking what he could say next, but whatever it was, he decided against it, as you heard him stomping away. You tried to take a few deep breaths, tried to somehow regain your composure and most of all, you tried to work on a plan how you could leave, how you could be reunited with your family. 

The next days you stuck to your word as you weren’t leaving your room. You were extremely relieved that it had its own bathroom and much to your surprise there was a plate with food in front of your door on a regular basis. Roman had tried to talk to you from time to time but since you ignored him all the time, he seemed to have given up, although you were sure that he was the reason behind the food magically appearing in front of your room. 

As days went by you were thinking about your family, missing them terribly but at the same time you noticed how you calmed down, how you were somehow able to accept being where you were for now. You didn’t want to stay and you sure as hell didn’t want to see Roman, but you nevertheless felt how you turned curious, how you wanted to see where you were, wanted to know how the underworld looked like, wanted to see with your own eyes, whether it was indeed the pitch black hell mythology books wanted to make their readers believe.