#also thinking about how fun alys transition to how she is now

[felassan]

Compilation of snippets from the DA:TV acting talent panel at SDCC (Dragon Age: Meet the Heroic Companions of Thedas) today (July 26th). DA:TV spoilers under cut.

Huge props and tysm to the users who live-tweeted and clipped this panel, you are heroes 🙏💜!!

The panel was moderated. In attendance were John Epler, creative performance director Ashley Barlow, and the actors of Lucanis, Neve, Emmrich, and Harding - Zach Mendez, Jessica Clark, Nick Boraine, and Ali Hillis respectively.

The panel ended with a Q&A session.

(BioWare have stated that a recording of the panel will be made available at a later date.)

Edit/update: I've now been through this post and tidied it up :)

---

Here are some pictures from the panel [source]

Here are some more pictures from the panel [source]

In this Twitter thread there are also some video clips of parts of the panel [source]

BioWare tried to avoid spoilers in the panel [source]

Key points/summary of DA:TV: hunting Solas, found family companions, stop the elven gods [source]

When auditioning the companions, BW were specifically looking for character chemistry [source]

BW used motion capture for the game [source]. Mo-cap was mentioned a lot in the panel [source]

Lucanis sees assassination as a job. His mind is as dangerous as his knives and he is also "kinda hilarious" [source]

There was mention of other Crows [source]

Zach Mendez read Tevinter Nights like three times [source]

A clip of the actors doing mo-cap was shown [source]. Photos of Zach mo-capping for other characters was shown [source]

BioWare said that Zach brought a certain darkness to Lucanis [source]

Zach is excited for the romance and is looking forward to the stats [source]

Zach mentioned that he used his own relationship with his brother in his portrayal of Lucanis [source] (surely this means ILLARIO.. ?👀)

Zach played a lot of darkspawn originally while auditioning [source]

Ali Hillis really welcomed Zach into the DA family [source]

Neve is from Minrathous. She has fun banter and is a cynical detective with a heart of gold. They want to show a rebellious side of Tevinter [source]

Jessica Clark loves Neve's loyalty, dedication, and different vision of Tevinter

Neve is fighting for the people [source]. Jessica: "She is really really fighting for those people, and she loves those people. So, yes, she's cynical, and yes she's kind of tough and brusque and all these other things, but when they say there's a heart of gold, there really, like, to have that kind of a passion and dedicate your life to something like that, I think that's definitely my favorite part about her" [source]

Jessica loves how much Neve loves Docktown and its people [source]

Neve sees a different vision for Tevinter than what has previously been depicted in the series [source]

The actors were separate from one another while recording lines but still bonded really well and organically [source]

There are several Veilguard gc [source] (groupchats?)

Ali is an angel and very supportive of the new cast [source]

Emmrich is a "stone cold silver fox" (this is a quote from the panel moderator) [source]

BioWare knew the reaction they would get about Emmrich from the fandom [source]

Nick Boraine feels like he's been preparing for Emmrich all his life. He's obsessed with death (as a comfort and not scary) and enabling people to transition into death. He is attracted to this aspect of the character [source]

"You're gonna need a dictionary for Emmrich" for all the magic spells [source]

"Interesting how this character caught fire compared to the other sexy characters" [source] (I think this was said wrt Emmrich?)

BW had a great time recording with Nick, he is a very consistent actor [source]

Nick and Matt Mercer have never met [source]

Manfred plays off of Emmrich. "I set the tone" [source]

What has Harding been doing in-between DA:I and DA:TV? She's been working closely with Varric and the Inquisition remnants. She and Neve already met in the comics [source]

Ali vividly remembers the beginning of voicing Harding, she says it's brilliant writing. She really thought of Harding's personality and traits. She's so happy to be back [source]

wrt the Covid-19 pandemic and the year 2020, BW had to pivot with working remotely and were able to push through their projects. [source]

"[Harding] chasing Solas for a decade..." "that was a great relationship that [you] developed... and now I'll stop talking now". Ali was excited [source]

John Epler talked about how companions may but heads, and won't be predictable [source]

There are thousands and thousands of lines and so many characters to meet [source]

Zach "unfortunately has been around the DA Reddit before recording as Lucanis" [source]. He feels inspired by all the fans and cannot wait for us to play it [source]

[new textblock due to character limit!]

John Epler on Emmrich: "I mean honestly, I will say, like, we expected a great reaction to Emmrich. Went beyond what we expected for sure. But it’s been fascinating to see, because again, Emmrich is this character, he’s more of the professorial, more, he brings a wisdom and kind of a calmness to the group, so even when things are at their worst, there’s that one person in the group who is kinda like, ‘okay, y’know, we've got, let's figure it out, let’s take a deep breath’. And just his journey through his character arc, and his interactions with the others, it’s been fantastic to see. Even just finding opportunities for him to bounce off the other characters, you know, the way he talks to Bellara, the way he talks to Neve, it’s all so different, but it’s also just, again, based around this core of this warm, kind-hearted, professorial necromancer. Which, again, is not something you see a lot of in media. I mean, usually, necromancers are depicted in a very specific way. But it’s been, it's awesome to see how Emmrich has grown and just, really one of the most, one of my favorite experiences has been just working with Emmrich’s writer, working with Emmrich as a character." [source]

All the actors are excited about the dialogue and narrative, and for us to explore DA:TV [source]

Ali says that we will really find ourselves in this game [source]

During the recording process, the actors all hear the previous person's recording and react or respond to it [source]

Due to Covid-related lockdown, a lot of recording was done over Zoom, and the writers besides Ashley Barlow (creative performance director) would jump in on the call to talk about the previous person’s lines [source]

A question was asked about the background factions. "Characters not causes". [source]

You can work with the Grey Wardens in the game (for example) [source]

The actors all met this weekend. They are an "un-chosen" family [source]

Zach stood in for multiple characters for mo-cap, for example he was Assan [source]

Lucanis has a heart but is stubborn and stuck in his ways. Zach is excited for fans to help his character open up as the story progresses [source]

Jessica is incredibly honored to join the DA universe. She is new to voice acting for video games. “This is play pretend. Playing Neve allowed her to step into her power.” [source]

A question was asked on what their first exposure to fantasy was, and do they implement this into the acting? John talked about Lord of the Rings and how every media you experience will seep out into your work [source]

Ashley didn't want the dialogue to sound modern [source]

Zach loves Theseus and talked about the symbolism in DA [source]

Jessica loves Greek mythology and lore [source]

Nick talked about The Hobbit and how he would dress up in big boots and a cape when his mother would read to him [source]

Ali recently went to Greece and felt like she saw DA everywhere [source]

A question was asked - "From your companion's perspective, which previous companion would you romance?" Zach kind of has a thing for The Iron Bull, saying "oh that awakened something inside of me". He also likes Dorian. Jessica was too overwhelmed to answer. Nick was also overwhelmed by the question, but thinks Solas is sexy [source] [source]

Ali fangirled over Lucanis and Emmrich [source], prefers Emmrich [source]

A question was asked - "Is DA:TV and DA:I streamlined together?" [paraphrased]. Answer: DA games are not as streamlined as Mass Effect and act almost as standalones [source]

The cast were asked about which aspect of their character is their favorite. Ali loves the little quirks about Harding. "Lucanis is a good cook!?" ** Neve is very dry and pretty closed off about it. For Emmrich, it's the "exploration of the idea of death and necromancy" [source] (** FINALLY CITATION for this? :D)

A question was asked: "How do you decide to introduce the lore in each game?" BioWare answered that it depends as they build each game. They always know the base lore, and see opportunities through game mechanics and characters. They try not to infodump [source]

A question was asked: "Any favorite party banter?" Ashley Barlow said to listen for "hand to bone combat" [source]

The game takes place approximately 10 years after the end of DA:I. You start the game hunting for Solas. The game is built on some core principles: be who you want to be in a world worth saving and with characters that matter. The companions are always at the heart of DA and they are at the heart of this game too. [source]

The moderator asked John Epler about what is bringing this party of people ("this rogues' gallery") together. John: "I mean, it's the end of the world, and each character that you bring into your party understands that the world is ending, that they need to stop that, and you're really building, what I would say is, more of a found family. These are characters who may not start off liking each other, may not even start off liking you, but over time they grow to understand the importance of what they're doing and just, how critical it is to stop the elven gods" [source]

"He is kind and has some spectacular lines. He is a natural nerdy scientist. He loves learning." [source] (Emmrich? ^^)

Ali didn't realize that Harding was such a beloved character. She thanked fans for bringing this character back [source]

Ali is super excited that the game is releasing. She said that there has been an evolution to Harding's character and that she's been chasing Solas for like a decade at this point [source]

Jessica loves the writing in the game [source]

Nick loves its narrative [source]

Ali said that this game is going to take you into a world that will blow your minds [source]

On Manfred: Nick was asked what it was like having another character to bounce off of. He said "Oh man! I mean, that is such a hard question, because Matt and I have never met, and we worked completely separately, and, I, I mean I know that the rapport is really great, but it's in the ether, I mean it is just, the magic that these guys create, telling us how to respond, how to do that, but it's, I can't wait to meet Matt" [source]

BW still said that the game's release window is Fall 2024 [source]. Nothing more specific was given [source]

There are also more snippets here in this Tumblr post, go check it out!

[source, two]

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

VHSCC OH MY GOD

(no spoilers)

Starkid nation, you aren't ready.

So let's start with the obvious. Look, I spent thirteen years growing up with Starkid. That initial Michigan gang are deeply special to me and I will always miss Dylan, Brian R., and Corey in any show they aren't in. And this one's no different. But just as Janaya came in and took over Belle from Britney so flawlessly, Curt, Brian, and AJ were all WONDERFUL in their new roles. The gentle-but-high-energy, truly decent, romantic himbo charm Curt brought to our Springsteen boy Jim (you all are going to LOVE Jim, I promise) perfectly offset the defiant, sneering anger of Young Scrooge in "That Scrooge." Brian's reactions (particularly to the "rather take my own life" line) were so funny and some of my favorite parts of the show. And AJ... this is now my favorite thing AJ has ever done. And that's saying something. The smaller casting shake-up moments (Joey as Fezziwig, other little line re-distributions) were so fun as well!

The new act 1 is PERFECTION. I was actually surprised by how absolutely hysterical it was? Like, I won't tell you what was up with that clip on Instagram of Brian, Lauren, and Joey doing a freak-out dance, but I can tell you that their whole Act 1 deal threatened to steal the show every. Single. Time. I already mentioned Curt as Jim, but you will also love Della, who is so funny and real and truly carries us through the start of the show (Janaya is a STAR and she Curt have brilliant chemistry). Ali did a terrific job of balancing the sadness and hope that are both at the center of the devastating little Match Girl. And Jamie's Grandma... well, honestly I have no idea how to talk about Jamie's song without giving stuff away.

But the real star of the show in Act 1, as he should be, was our man Clark. I can't emphasize enough how much he nailed the writing of this whole new act. I mentioned that the new stuff is hilarious, but it's also deeply heartfelt, and also sad exactly when it needs to be. Like, the transition after Jamie's song? I can't really talk about it yet, but what that moment does with emotion is unreal. And, as expected, every song is a banger! My one complaint about this show, and it IS a big one, is that there is no cast recording of the Act 1 songs. I want to listen to them all the time.

But the good news is, I CAN listen to Christmas Carol as much as I want! The classic that started it all is back, with so many people reprising the hell out of their truly iconic roles (God I love the VHS Cratchits), and better than ever. I traditionally hate change, and I love the version of VHSCC Live! we already have so much, but I think I somehow loved this version even more? The staging is alive and clever and there are some additions and changes, particularly in "Final Ghost"/"Christmas Day," that frankly blew my mind and somehow managed to elevate the material even further. I can't wait for the digital ticket to come out so that I can talk about them. To put it simply, James Tolbert mastered his Starkid directorial debut like you won't believe. I'm so proud of him and grateful for the larger role he's taken in Starkid since they moved base to LA.

Also, the Ghost of Christmas Past is extra unhinged this year? Jaime pulled out all of the impish stops and it was the BEST.

Basically, everyone more than delivered. I haven't talked about Meredith yet but she rocked it in the band and continued to validate the hell out of my opinion that "3 Spirits" is the dark horse best song in the show.

And a special shout-out to June Saito for continuing to be a costuming GENIUS. I always love her work and this production is no exception. I honestly wanted to give the return of the Bob Cratchit costume its own round of applause.

You know, the world is a mess and everything is pretty much terrible. It's been a hard year in an impossible decade. But every once in a while you come across some art that takes all of that, acknowledges the truth of it, and somehow pulls back the curtains to harness the joy and hope that's still there under the rubble. To me, Starkid in particular has always been about finding and holding onto the hope and the beauty and humanity that allows us to endure an existence that can so often feel bleak. And VHSCC is maybe the most perfect encapsulation of that idea.

So thank you Clark, James, Meredith, Brian, and everyone who worked so hard on this little bit of magic. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Let's make a little light.

[dulcewrites]

Alys and Elysa with Aemond

[awigglycultist]

Finally got some free time this week (well actually I did have free time before this but that was spent crying about my last day of school) so that finally means I finally get to watch VHS Christmas Carol just barely in time for the finale day of this week of Rewatchers2000! (it's still Sunday for me okay?)

I've said many times before but I absolutely love VHSCC and I always end up thinking about in the spring time, so this is definitely great

I love everyone coming through the audience

I love Fred's energy so much

Here's my man Bob Cratchit!!!

I love that the background turns all static when Scrooge is yelling at Bob

I love the way different characters react when passing by Scrooge during the "the crabbiest, scumbaggiest" bit. Like AJ ducks below him, James makes an angry face and like steps up to him and waves him away, and Jaime blocks her face.

The way Clark and AJ sound together during the transition song, especially on the "as the man begins to speeeaaakkk" bit ugghh omg they sound so good

Ugh Meredith as Jacob Marley hnggg

"these scary chains I wear" can't help but to make me laugh I little I'm sorry

I love how much cheering and screaming there is for Jaime through I'm The Ghost

Jaime's voice is so hnngngng aughfhf snhmfnfa ya know?

I'll never get over the Ghost of Xmas Past smoking a cigarette

Also I love the way she teases Scrooge during the transition song and That Scrooge

Speaking of That Scrooge HNNNG AUGHFHNANSDHDMR AOBSVDJDBFH HNGNGBG

Seriously they all sooo amazing

Ahh my man!! Ghost of Xmas Present!!

I love Scrooge trying to stop himself from dancing

I sure feel the Christmas electricity in this Chili's tonight

Shout out to AJ's little facial expressions during this bit

And we got some real cocain!

James' glasses and shoes lighting up and being the only things you can see in the dark is so fun

Also Scrooge is high let's goooo

Does anyone know what Brian says after "our tiny tin is getting heavier" bc I still have no clue

Oh boy Priceless time!!

God the disgusts on Emily's face Vs how happy and proud Bob looks is so funny

YEAH GO OFF EMILY CRATCHIT

You really can feel the love in this song

Haha among us

Big Chungus

Go off Ghost of Xmas Present

Ughh James' "BAH HUMBUUUUUUUG"

Final Ghost is such a bop

Jamie really does sound etherial

Scrooge you dummy you're the dead guy

I will never get I've over gay couple

Ugh the emotion in Joey's voice

Woo quick change

Ugh its so cool that they included Ali (and Britney in the preshow)

Once again saying it but the hug between Bob and Scrooge and Marley and Scrooge are so warm

How am I just now realizing that AJ And Corey don't come out during the bit where they all walk across the stage ("Scrooge was better, than his word" ect) and instead don't come back out until the "the meanest man there ever was" bit

Also shout out to the little boop on the nose Scrooge gives to Tiny Tim

Shout out to the person who yells "he's back!" when Brian comes out to bow

[alygatorwrites]

congrats again on 2k aly!! you deserve this and so much more <3 but anywho, now onto my very awkward ✨soulmate application✨ (sfw or nsfw headcanons are okay with me btw!!)

so my name is salem (as you know ofc), my pronouns are she/her n i'm a bisexual taurus who's pretty stubborn, loves cuddles, loves to sleep n generally speaking is just a sensitive ol' homebody! i'm pretty midsized-chubby, 163cm (so...5ft3?) n i have shaggy black hair, brown eyes and super soft hands which are available for holding whenever and wherever! which ties into my love languages which are physical touch n acts of service <3 as for my hobbies, i guess this is obvious but i like to write 😭 n i also really love to cook as well (i'm a great chef, trust me)

okay that should be enough i think?? it's maybe a little too much now that i'm looking at it but hey at least i'm thorough!

♡ 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨

→ your stubbornness is what would make you stand out to porco. in fact, it's the first thing he notices about you! this man is headstrong with a great deal of iron-will, and meeting someone who is similar in that aspect catches his attention. while this could cause some passionate disagreements, porco respects how loyal you are to your beliefs. he even looks forward to see how long you stick to them. the way you refuse to change an opinion or course of action just because someone says so .... that's what porco loves. it shows that you have an intense passion for things just like he does, and your obstinate determination is actually a turn on sometimes. this would send him through a loop, making that internal monologue go from, "damn, she's annoying," to "it probably wouldn't be bad to know her," and then "yea, i gotta fuck her"

→ physical attraction galore. between your dark hair, brown eyes, and your body, porco thinks you're the sexiest person in the world. you'd be an absolute dream; a perfect a feast for his hands. he's a sucker for chub, and loves how pliant and silky the skin is under every touch. porco has no qualms telling you about how hot you are either. and the way you'd look at him? porco is instantly down bad. the depth your eyes hold is all-consuming, and he'd always be searching for that certain spark in them. if you really want to see his resolve physically crumble, give him 'puppy-dog' eyes. every single time, porco has to turn away and stuff both hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket. he'd probably end up giving you whatever you wanted if he didn't.

→ porco is a scorpio, and you're a taurus — two opposing signs! in the astrological world, this means that you can complement each other perfectly. the complex bond between these zodiacs is full of excitement, snarky fun, and challenge; this leads to an intense emotional connection. because scorpio and taurus have venus as a ruler on one hand, and the passionate element of water on the other, an eternal love is bound to be formed quite easily. it's also known that these signs have high sexual energy. this would make you and porco take part in various sexual encounters and many experiences of physical pleasure to bring you together.

→ porco has a need for security. the good thing is, your sensitivity would allow you to provide that for him!

→ the love language of physical touch would draw porco away from his comfort zone, leading to some amazing character development! you'd really bring the best out of him. it's only natural that his closed-off attitude leaves him touch-starved, which makes you a great fit; once porco indulges himself in gestures that may have otherwise been shrugged off, he'd be hooked. the bastard isn't good with sappy words, so showing it would become a top priority too. his favorite ways to touch you is to run a hand down your arm as you speak, draping an arm behind your head on the couch, or kissing you deeply while cuddling. holding hands is also a must for porco — not just because he enjoys the softness of your fingers — but also because he's very protective. this makes him seek out your affection a lot, whether he realizes it or not (don't bring it up though or he'll get embarrassed!)

→ he’d come to learn the other portion of your love language as well! though he may look disgruntled about it at first, porco will perform little acts of service for you <3 seeing your face light up is worth the knowing looks the others give him. eventually he just starts flicking them off because “fuck them and their stupid faces, i love you, so what? assholes”

→ porco has no problem with curling up on the sofa or on the mattress at any point: as long as it shuts everyone up, he doesn't care. frankly, porco would like your affinity for sleep! he's very adamant on you both sharing a bed together, as being able to wallow in the soft haze of dawn with someone is special to him. listening to your slowed breathing, watching the flutter of your lashes, and cradling you tight is what makes porco's mornings. ask for him to be there while you take a nap, and the man is already on the way.

→ he'd act nonchalant whenever you walked in the room, but don't be fooled. there's a very well-known fact about this man; when his big mouth doesn't say something, his face definitely will. with the way porco's brows raise slightly, and how his frown softens for a second as his gaze settles on you — it's obvious that he's very pleased to be in your presence, no matter how much he tries to keep it a secret.

♡ 𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

→ porco views sex as three things: a task to pass the time, something to blow off steam, and a way to get you to shut up whenever you piss him off.

→ your bisexuality is fine with porco, and honestly? as long as he still gets to play with you, he wouldn’t mind bringing someone else into the bedroom. pieck, hitch, reiner, zeke — it doesn’t matter. his jealousy would act up, but it would only translate into him fucking you relentlessly once everyone’s gone. porco just needs you to remember that you’re his whore and no one else’s.

→ wanna get him riled up? say you thought he could make you cum better, but make sure to have a wheelchair in transit.

→ porco is a confident, arrogant person, and this definitely shows in the bedroom. he always calls the shots with a wicked smirk on his face. be prepared, because whatever action gets you a writhing mess will become a recurring thing.

→ that black hair of yours is fucking gorgeous to him — especially when it swirls so perfectly around your face — but he wants it out of the way to see the expressions you’re making. expect to have the strands wrestled into porco’s hands and harshly tugged back!!

→ a fast learner, he memorizes your sexual desires and prioritizes them!! he’s still gonna expect some shit in return though. especially blowjobs.

→ with an extremely high libido, porco could pounce on you any time of the day and anywhere. it doesn't matter if the others are planning on coming over; if it were up to him, he'd fuck you on the couch so they'd walk in on it. a meeting? he'd just lean you over the desk. at a party? get ready to have your back blown out in a stall. there's nothing can satisfy porco's constant hunger for you.

→ morning hook ups are a fave!!

→ if he can’t get alone with you because of work, porco becomes all pissy and acts like a dick. he just can’t help it, yknow? when there’s finally an opening in both schedules, he teases you about how much you’ve probably missed his cock and all that. ask him if he’s thought about you in return, and the man denies it on the spot ... but the way you caught him secretly jacking off in the bathroom just moments before speaks VOLUMES!!! 🙄

→ porco always wants your attention on him as he plows into you. close your eyes or don't listen to be stubborn, and he's already forcing you to look at him once more. "what a fuckin joke. you're doing it again," porco usually sneers in these moments, grabbing you by the chin. "babe, hey — salem — look at me." the use of your name works most of the time, and it honestly sets him off; you're just so pliant on his cock <3

[dearophelia]

Lol duh. Gonna ask about Dropsonde.

I adore you. I’m gonna answer them all because I’m that person. Also includes 6-8 for @swaps55! Thank you both!! [dropsonde (singers in a lower choir remix)]

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

For the original? I think it was a half-baked scene that came to me while I was on vacation in Florida. I remember scribbling it down in a notebook and then going to town when I got back home. I threw a bunch of time-skips in there because, frankly, I didn’t want to write small children. I do not blame 2007 Sara for this. She was a wise human.

For the revamp? A cascading domino effect started in last October and resulted in my mental health going entirely sideways for eight solid months. Literally nothing was working to screw my head on straight again: not meds, not therapy, not yoga, not getting my sleep and food under control, literally nothing. I think it was around early June when I realized the hallucinations weren’t going away this time (and perhaps had never really left) and I hit the end of my rope. Luckily, my great pal Aly texted me out of the blue with the fact that she’d fallen face-first back down a Grey’s black hole. We got to talking about our various fics we’d both written, how nostalgic we were for them, and I re-opened the OneNote notebook I had for this. Started writing, didn’t look back.

I'm not gonna say that I’m stable again as a result (I’m really not), but I’ve written like 30k words in the last three weeks, which is the most I’ve written since August of last year, and it’s something to do and think about that isn’t pure doom and panic. It makes me happy, and makes me happy in a way that doesn’t include caveats or exceptions; there’s nothing else in my life right now that’s just happy. It’s helping.

2: What scene did you first put down?

For the original, it was the one at the beginning of (the original) chapter 2, where Addison’s finishing up Goodnight Moon for the nine-hundredth time. For the remix, it was the actual opener: where Addison finds someone else’s shoes in her apartment.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Later, when the snow has turned into rain and they've even managed a round three, Addison curls up against his chest, tangling their legs together. She smiles. She'd been using dead reckoning to make it out of her storms her entire life. Now she has a lighthouse.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

"Your storm is a natural disaster. It's chaotic and wild and unpredictable and often the only thing I can do is hang on. But that storm brought me you. That storm brought me love and a future I didn't see a path to." His fingers coast across her bare shoulders, mapping constellations out of freckles. "And if I'm the lighthouse in your storm, then I promise you to stay standing and lit, because I need you to know the way home from your storm, Ads. To me."

5: What part was hardest to write?

I remember the original sort of effortlessly flying out of my fingertips. What’s been challenging about the rewrite is filling in all the little gaps the original left; writing the spaces between the facts. Don’t get me wrong - that has been fun as hell, but also challenging because I have to remember the voices of these characters I haven’t checked in on in over a decade.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

IT’S MY WARM COMFY BLANKET UNIVERSE. It also...it does not have a plot. There are pieces of plot to it, but there’s not an overarching plot or anything. It’s not a mission, it’s not a rescue, it’s not anything that has plot-based structure. It’s just life. I hate plot, I hate it, it’s the worst. This lets me write shit in a world I like and not care about what happens next because life just be like that sometimes.

7: Where did the title come from?

2007 Sara was an idiot and really liked formatting her chaptered fics by snagging an album and making each chapter title a track on the album. Even if the album didn’t remotely fit (even better if it didn’t, because she thought she was such a musical snob. she was not. she was full of crap). “dropsonde” is an album by the trance group Biosphere (and I hate it. I think I hated it back then, too). It’s also a hurricane tracking tool. So that’s a weird legacy to have to work with.

The revamp’s remix title comes from Leonard Cohen, because 2020 Sara is a pretentious asshole and owning it. Book of Mercy 1: In a transition so delicate it cannot be marked, the court is established on beams of golden symmetry, and once again I am a singer in the lower choirs, born fifty years ago to raise my voice this high and no higher.

That line gives me so much life and hope: I don’t have to try to sing higher. I don’t have to reach for other octaves, I don’t have to try to shove myself into a space that isn’t Sara-shaped, and in fact I should not. Because I was born to sing in this Sara-shaped choir and it would be insulting to myself and to the creators to insinuate that this Sara-shaped choir was not made for me. The space you inhabit is holy because it is yours. As much a reminder for me as it is for the characters.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

I don’t think I grabbed anything from actual reality? I may have. Especially in the original prequel/second part/whatever we’re calling Shenzhou, when I was grasping at straws for ideas and wrote a few really random scenes just to fill up space.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not of the fic itself, but this Rachel Montgomery is definitely the same Rachel Montgomery in gonna set your flag on fire. 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because it was 2007, I was writing fic instead of doing homework, and Addison/Alex was very much about to become a thing after being teased for a whole fucking season. Missed opportunities: the goddamn ship. I’m still mad.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

It’s fun. It makes me happy. And I don’t care about what anyone thinks about it - there are no expectations, I’m not trying to live up to “oh god I hope it’s good enough for so-and-so” (which, yknow, is bullshit anyway, but is how my brain was working on gonna set your flag on fire). It’s completely free from strings. So I can do what I want. Who cares. 

12: What do you like least about this fic?

It’s real fuckin’ long and I’m real fuckin’ long-winded. I’m about 30k in and Rachel’s not even one yet. Hot yikes.

But, on the plus side, as part of the “who gives a shit, do what you want” mentality, I’ve broken out of the “oh god I have to write the other side of this, I have to keep x topic going.” No, no I really don’t. It’s an Addison story, it’s always been an Addison story, I just didn’t realize that 13 years ago. It’s an Addison story and everyone else is window dressing that can come and go as the sun requires it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

oh boy, here have an eight-hour playlist

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

plot is overrated. write what you want.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

I learned how much I’ve improved as a writer in 13 years. Part of this experiment was to shut down the “you’re not a good writer, you suck, no one likes you, everyone’s just tolerating you” voice that has plagued me for my entire life and got a lot louder at the end of last year because of Reasons. That voice is still trying really hard, but it doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on when I can point to a scene I wrote in 2007 and then the exact same scene written in 2020 and see just how much better it is now.

[fashournalist]

Thank you, Isentia Content Hub: An open letter to my colleagues.

Eleven days ago, it has exactly been two years since I first started working at Isentia. I remember feeling scared whether I’d belong, and what kind of people I’ll be working with. I remember I kept telling myself “Bawal maattach, Grace, as some alumni have said, when you enter the real world, you’re there to work. Just do your job well and be a team player, but don’t invest your emotions.” But here I am, after two years, with so many beautiful memories with amazing people. I did get attached after all, and it’s worth it. Because I did not only have colleagues, I met a new family.

This was my open letter to Content Hub, which I hesitated to send at first after writing, because it’s too long. But thankfully, two of my teammates encouraged me to send it because they said what matters is I wrote it from my heart and it’s my farewell message to my friends. (I was one of the employees who got laid off.) It was here that I learned tears are really contagious, because after sending this letter, I received texts saying they shed a tear, too. Perhaps that’s because when I wrote it, I was shedding tears myself. Why do I feel like graduating from high school? Haha! I guess this is how close we have been. So here goes my letter, and pictures of some of the memories we have made. :)

Dear Content Hub,

This August 20, it has been exactly two years since I started working at Isentia. And now, 731 days and 41,283 summaries later, I just finished my last working day as a Broadcast Monitor. Permit me to be cheesy, I just want to thank the amazing people who made the past two years a memorable journey. I apologize in advance for the length of this email, but please know this letter came from my heart.

I'm really blessed that I got to work with you. I did not only have colleagues, I had a family. That is why whenever I reached the office, my update to my parents has always been "Happy place". It meant I arrived safely, I'm at OSMA already. And I know there have been hardships, times heartbreaking news crushed me, or times I went home way past my shift. Yet whenever I was on my home, no matter how tired I got, I just looked forward to facing the next day and working again. If world news were a play, we all get front row seats, binge-watching current events for at least 40 hours a week. It genuinely excited me that our job allows us to literally learn something new every day. But, I don't feel that way all the time; sometimes I just have burnouts and frustrations. So I think the real major reason that kept me going through it all is I had colleagues as supportive as you guys are. Allow me to thank you.

To Sydney Swans, my first team. 

Working with helpful teammates like you added to my motivation as I traveled from LB to Ortigas every day for five months (when I was not yet able to find an apartment in Manila). Thank you for your devotion to Qld Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It showed me what client-obsessed looks like, and I committed to following that example. Your compere inside jokes and reactions to news added a lot of fun to our job. Until now, I enjoy backreading the group chat just to see your new musings or memes. Thanks a lot especially to John, Julianne, Zennon, Marco, and Kuya Ronnie.

To Fremantle Dockers, my afternoon shift team for more than a year, 

Thank you for everything; for being supportive colleagues, helping me whenever I struggled, and celebrating with me whenever I improved. 

Kuya Coily’s last day at our team.

How we help one another, especially during the Christmas dinner just so everyone can go to Sambokojin on time, inspires me. This was our post-Sambo bonding at Greenfield. I am also relieved that you never judged me as “walang pakisama” even though I only drank iced tea or milkshake haha. Others tend to force me to drink, but my friends at Isentia just let me finish all the food. HAHA. I appreciate people who can respect our preferences and differences. And you are witnesses that I don’t need to drink to be drunk. Based on my energy, I am drunk by default. Haha I will miss all these sessions with you and my batchmates!

I will miss our movie nights and billiard sessions (tho I'm just watching you haha) at the lounge. I wish we played more board games, too.

Isentia Outing 2019

Thank you so much also for being there for me when I lost my mother, you had my back and that will always mean a lot to me. When my Momi was still alive, she always knew I was working with great people. Thank you to every single one of you especially AJ, Morris, Evann, Aly and Kuya Mel. 

I look forward to a Dockers reunion when this pandemic is over! 

And my favorite teammate, Czesar. The best meetings are the ones you participated in. Thank you for all the laughter you gave us. 

I also want to thank my friends outside my team, including Tomie, Zendee, LA and Nico from Collingwood Magpies. 

Thank you for the dinner sessions and conversations on life and dreams!

This was LA’s birthday salubong at Kanto Breakfast :) While the next photo is a “panel discussion” at Goto Believe haha! We talked about the news we monitored, and boi, we went home at almost 5am.

Tomie, thank you for our never-ending laughter on our way home. Normally, I just want to be quiet and regain energy while traveling, but with you, it's okay to chat all the way to Quiapo.

To my favourite comperes, who will not read this but I feel like thanking anyway because some of you might share love for them: Marc Fennell, Jan Fran, Kanoa Lloyd, Jules Schiller, Sonya Feldhoff, Anna Vidot, Dave Sutherland, Tamara Oudyn, Sammy J, Paul Barry, Jeremy Corbett, David Speers, Leigh Sales and my inspiration Jesse Mulligan. Thank you because I learned so much about the world and about life from you. I will miss blogging about your stories and reacting to your insights.

To the leaders who managed me and/or accommodated my concerns, 

This is my former TL, Kuya Coily :)

TL Coily, TL Angel, TL Rem, TL Nico, TL Nic, TL Jonna, TL Geoff, TL Alni, and Sup Mitch. Thank you for all your help! Thank you for the times you inspired me and my colleagues to grow as well as the times you coached me, gave constructive feedback, and helped me overcome my weaknesses so I can continuously improve. 

To our Trainer Rachel, who we can consider as Content Hub's matriarch, 

thank you so much because you patiently equipped every single one of us before we transitioned to live operations. To OM Dean, thank you for your feedback and praise during my regularisation.

And most of all, to Western Borlogs fam, my home for two years, I don't even know how to thank you enough. 

I'm grateful you've been my batchmates at our training--and for everything after that. 

Isentia Outing 2019

Sibyullee, farewell samgyup party for Jai (her last day in the company)

Seoulgyupsal, farewell samgyup party for Aiona (before she flew to Spain to teach)

office memories :)

Pantry catch-ups. I usually eat at my desk because of all the work but I’m grateful for the times I was able to join their dinner breaks hehe.

Sambokojin, Christmas dinner 2019

Dear Borlogs, thank you for all the memories, endless laughter, samgyup sessions (a regular segment haha), Friday nights, and times we comforted each other when some of us are facing a hard time. Thank you also for comforting me and my family when you and B visited the wake of my Momi. She has always heard about you (and I'm happy she met some of you) when she was still alive. Thank you for being such a great sounding board, a safe space where we can be vulnerable and strong at the same time. Also, I've never been a milk tea person until I met you guys, so thanks for that, too. My BM experience would not be the same without you. Naz, Janelle, Joey, Patty, Billie, Lou, Aiona, Jai, Nee, Mau, C, Ady, Sarah. Thank you, sists!!

If you've read until here, thank you for bearing with my lengthy cheesy, farewell note to Content Hub. I attached some photos that captured a few of the memories I spent with you, as well as some jokes I've randomly thought about while monitoring. I was reserving them for Christmas Party or something, but anyway, here they are. I am confident they will make you cringe.

So there, I will miss you and I appreciate you always. I will not forget the memories we've made along the way. Thank you for everything, Isentia Content Hub! God bless you all and stay safe.

Arrivederci :)

Always,

Grace / Mariel

(this was me when I graduated from training and was so excited to be part of Content Hub haha)

PS. Thank you to Janelle, Jai, Joey, Jai, Kuya Coily, LA, Zendee, Dots and Troy for the photos!

PPS. Thank you so much for your heartwarming replies!!! And the food/gifts some of you sent!! I love you guys. (There, I said it. Haha! I was too shy to put that sentence in the email I sent. But this is my blog, I can write what my heart says without holding back)

^letter from AJ with a Bebi plant. She sent me oatmeal cookies and three novels too huehue she knows my weaknesses well haha thankuu ajj

^Matchaaaa from Patty thank you sist! <33

^Carbonaraaaa from Tomiee thank you siz!!!

Thank you to every single one of you. I was emotional when I wrote the open letter, but I got more nostalgic when I read your responses. I will always be thankful for the privilege of working with you and being your friend. Keep in touch, okay? We’ll still meet again. :)

Love,

Grace

[whydoiwrite]

Did you see the FIFPro nominees for a World Best XI?? Tell me how Ali Krieger makes the defenders list but not Becky (also Sonnett but she never gets recognized for anything)? Kelley is apparently a midfielder? I’m all for it. No Lindsey?? I know this is just another subjective list but so many glaring misses, even beyond the US players.

Oh yay!!!! A soccer question! The sport is my thing, and it has been since I was like 5. The other crap I do is well... just crap.

I have lots of issues with the list. Like Millie Bright being on it. But also Ali Krieger. I loves Kriegs, but yeah. That’s a hard no for making the FIFA Best nominee list.

Kelley is a tenacious defender and I’m torn about her being on there given she sat out the Fall Series and basically all of the Challenge Cup, but I guess there are other people on that list who played very little this year. The midfielder part of that is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time, and goes to show you how dumb this whole thing is. But, midfielder Kelley is and always has been badass, and our outside backs our so offensive-minded that maybe some people got confused? But they got Dunn “correct”... except Dunn plays mid for her club team... so... Dunn and KO could play mid for pretty much any other NT, so honestly, I get converting them to OBs for the sake of getting them on the field, especially in the transitional system we play, because I don’t think they’d ever crack the midfield we currently have. Hell, we can’t even get Lindsey in consistently.

I also love love Sam Kerr but her start in the WSL has been inauspicious, if you remove last weekend’s hatty. She reminds me a lot of Lynn. Also, I feel like she’s just going to be one of the names on the list every year. Like Tobin. Take her renewed enthusiasm and play at Utd out of the equation and she has not been very effectual for awhile now, though I am glad Casey Stoney has made soccer fun again for her and we’re starting to see the old Tobin again.

Alexia Putellas being left off is an absolute crime. I’m not going to say anything else about that.

So is Horan. I’ve said this a million times before but she is one of the best box-to-box mids in the game. She is a fucking workhorse and because so much of her time on the pitch is devoted to things other than goals, what she does overlooked. Look at her stats in the Challenge Cup, though, and I don’t see how you can overlook what she does. The balls she plays into the box are precise af. Her defensive work rate is ignored, while Julie’s is praised, and I love me some JJ, but dude, we would be fucked without Lindsey back around that defensive 18 sometimes, and the Thorns certainly would be. Honestly, if she didn’t score 6 goals for the USWNT, she probably wouldn’t be on the USWNT list either. But she always has to overperform to get recognition, even to get playing time for the National Team. And that’s probably why she doesn’t hesitate to put her body on the line over and over and over, and that’s a goddamn shame, because it’s going to come back to haunt her eventually. I hate - HATE - that we won’t consider a change in formation to get her on the field at the same time as Lavelle-Ertz-Mewis. Not knocking any of those three, and Lavelle is starting to put in work in the defensive third and it’s showing, but she’s not Lindsey. She’s creative and light on her feet, and like Tobin, people want to watch that. Casual soccer fans will never appreciate the absolute grind of Lindsey Horan.

The way the whole thing is decided, the list is always going to be skewed. But I don’t know an objective way to do it. Fans voting is a mess. Especially when people who literally had no interaction with the sport until a couple years ago are on Twitter with a huge-ass fan base talking about how they rate or dont rate players like they know, when they fucking don’t (not going to name names here, but there are several that set me off because they will never understand the intricacies of the sport), but they’re gonna go out and live tweet all the damn games. And that goes for WoSo journalists, too. Some of them shouldn’t be able to call themselves professionals. So these lists will always leave off deserving players and include faves that are moving towards that washed-up category.

Really tho, I do want to see how Krieger got on there.

[ofgreysons]

☼☾ ( chris evans, 30/33, he/him, rebekah & sam, vampire/witch hybrid ) welcome to new mystic falls, greyson winchester! everyone in town knows that he is loyal and reckless. you can always find him as mayor hiding that his obsessive ex is aggressively stalking him and making threats of harm to those he loves. (April)

WELCOME TO MYSTIC FALLS! WHAT WAS PROMISED TO LURE YOU HERE? ARE YOU TRYING TO ESCAPE?

Greyson was born here. He has no real reason to try to escape, he also knows people can’t. The thought of leaving however, hasn’t really crossed his mind since High School. 

TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Greyson Dean Winchester, physically 30 years old technically 33, cousin and nephew to a lot. Older brother to five others, whom he’s all very protective of #BigBrotherVibes. Boyfriend to Lily Salvatore (whom he’s also very protective of). Mayor of Mystic Falls. 

EARLY LIFE

Greyson was born to parents Rebekah Mikaelson and Sam Winchester. He had a pretty good life in the terms of family and friends. He always excelled in school, but was not shy in having fun either. He was just good enough to maintain a healthy social life and good grades at the same time. Greyson was very active in sports throughout his school days and when he hit freshman year at high school, he made it on varsity football. He was pretty much popular in school, but he didn’t really like the term. He just had a lot of friends and was nice to anyone who deserved it. While he was aware that he was stereotyped as the typical popular jock, he ignored it completely. He was the guy who was friends with just about everyone. He was also the guy for a little bit that got around. When Greyson hit Sophomore year, he made varsity football again this time landing QB.

ADULT LIFE 

After graduating High School, Greyson attended college. He was a little back and forth on what he wanted to major on, so it changed often. When Greyson was 28, he met his now ex girlfriend - Ali. The two first started out with just meaningless night hookups when they were bored or wanted to forget something. But soon after Greyson turned 29 it turned into something more. Greyson and Ali were in a steady relationship and at first things were great with them. But he soon came to realize that they fought a lot. Most of the fights centered around Ali thinking he was cheating on her when they got into a fight and hooked up with someone else, or Greyson getting fed up with how she turned everything into an argument which led to a fight. They were pretty much toxic together, but Greyson loved her (Or at least he thought he did) and the angry sex was great, so he stayed. 

After visiting his parents one night, Greyson and Ali were on their way back to his place when they got into a fight while Greyson was driving. There was a lot of yelling, Greyson trying to push her hand away from himself when she tried reaching out to him. At some point Greyson just got tired of all the yelling and fighting and chose to ignore her instead, obviously pretty pissed at the entire thing. Ali didn’t like that and in a way to get his attention, she took the wheel in her hands and jerked it hard to the left, the car ended up swerving into the next lane where another car was coming and Greyson quickly jerked the wheel to the right to get out of the way. While doing so, the car spun out, hit something that resulted in the car being flipped and rolled a few times. Greyson was 30 at the time and died on impact whereas Ali was rushed to the hospital where she later survived. 

Greyson being a vampire/witch, when he died his vampire gene was triggered. He was taken off the scene by someone who knew him and his family, knowing that since he was Rebekah’s son he would wake up mid transition. When he did, he finished his transition and the heightened emotions were a real bitch because he was angry. He so wanted to lash out at Ali, but he wasn’t the type of person to hurt another. So he spent the better part of the next six months learning to control himself. 

Once Greyson was sure in himself, he decided to run for Mayor of Mystic Falls and ended up being elected. He has been Mayor since. 

WHAT HAS YOUR LIFE BEEN LIKE FOR THE LAST 33 YEARS?

Aside from the crazy ex that literally killed him, his life has been great. He has a family who loves him (a massive one, at that), he has the girl of his dreams, as well as the job of his dreams and house of his dreams. 

TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR SECRET! HOPEFULLY NO ONE TRIES TO BLACKMAIL YOU WITH IT.

Greyson moved on from Ali. He cut all ties with her since the accident and she didn’t like that. To her, this was just another one of their fights that they would move past and have some more angry sex and be just fine after. But that was the final straw with Greyson. She took to stalking him, would always wait outside his house, follow him everywhere, constantly call him, make appointments to see him to “talk some town stuff”. Greyson has successfully avoided her in every which way possible, which only angered her more. She’s now taken to threatening those he loves, leaving pictures of Greyson and Lily taped to his front door, his car and his office with Lily’s face being replaced with her own. The calls have gotten harsher, the voicemails making graphic threats to his family and Lily. And her stalking only worsened. It’s a weekly thing that Greyson comes home and Ali is in his bed completely nude waiting for him. 

HOW FAR ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO PROTECT YOUR SECRET?

The only person he’s really protecting his secret from is Lily because he doesn’t want her to worry about it. He also doesn’t want her to get into the middle of it because Ali is fucking crazy and capable of hurting people. So in the terms of Lily, he’d go a little far. But in the terms of anyone that could help him, not far at all. 

[stoweboyd]

One More Turn Of The Screw At Medium

Announced with fanfare a few days ago: Medium Seeks Partners to Launch New Publications. This is jaw-dropping considering how many pivots the company has undertaken, and how many 'partners' it has screwed over in the process.

Medium's current strategy seems to be growing into a media giant, like a redo of the old Huffington Post or Forbes, before those pubs chased away all the flakes. But in the meantime, they are attracting all the 'thought leaders' writing listcicles and self-help manifestos, and on top are trying to create their own 'publications' with paid writers.

The site is maddening, oversaturated, and terrible to navigate.

Sadly, many writers I know and admire write there.

I am involved in a new publishing venture (about which more later) and I had considered publishing it there, but I think I will go a different route. I don't believe Williams.

My friend Rafat Ali tweeted about this:

Since this is Medium, unfortunately this will close down in a year too. Sad to see writers being fooled & falling for this again & again & again. This NYT story is surprisingly context-free. https://t.co/9GyraZ5a3d

— Rafat Ali, Media Operator (@rafat) March 19, 2019

The NYTimes article was a Bittman puff piece with no discussion of the many pivots at Medium. And no mention of the departure of Hackernoon from Medium and Medium's efforts to screw them as they were moving.

I've written about Medium numerous times:

June 2015 What’s Going On At Medium?

January 2017 Medium shifts direction, away from ads and towards … what, exactly?

January 2018 Medium Continues Dismantling Publications

February 2018 Ev Williams Hires Siobhan O’Conner from Time, to continue Transition into Megamagazine

For those who want to review the various zigs and zags in Medium's history, I recommend Medium's Mess: The rise and fall of the site that was supposed to save journalism by Katie Fustich. Here's one long excerpt:

In 2014 the company acquired and relaunched the digital magazine Matter as a general-interest publication with the goal of creating a home for “timely, original journalism that combines the reporting and scope of serious publications with the fun and intimacy of the social web.” Originally a subscription-funded, Kickstarter-launched science publication, Matter got a new editor-in-chief, the veteran GQ editor Mark Lotto, and became the mouthpiece of Medium itself, commissioning glossy, high-budget content that served as a tentpole for the platform. It published elaborate features like an account of lawyer Shannon Liss-Riordan’s 2015 lawsuit against Uber, as well as Awl-ish musings on neon signs, and an epically long essay on selfies. (Disclosure: Study Hall publisher Kyle Chayka was a contributor.) The aggressive editorial strategy nabbed Matter a National Magazine Award for Joshua Hammer’s long-form reporting on the Ebola crisis, making it the first digital publication to win the award.

In addition to re-launching Matter, Medium expanded its staff. The site raised $25 million and $57 million in 2014 and 2015, respectively, giving the company a $400 million valuation. Medium also continued to roll out new publications funded by its own capital as well as scattered ad deals, like Re:form, a design blog sponsored early on by BMW.

With a sleek publishing interface and shiny, award-winning content, Medium became an attractive publishing option for media newcomers and websites struggling to make it on their own in the digital platform era. In 2013, comics publisher The Nib launched with Medium under cartoonist Matt Bors, and in 2015, by-and-for women’s news site The Establishment set up shop. Smaller media companies like Pacific Standard, The Awl, and The Ringer also began using Medium’s platform as a content management system, in deals sweetened with guaranteed revenue from Medium’s inchoate ad operations. In 2016, Pacific Standard magazine editor-in-chief Nicholas Jackson gushed, “Moving to Medium was an obvious solution for what we wanted to do.”

But there were persistent tremors of uncertainty. In summer 2014, Medium announced it would be rolling out native ads and sponsored posts, finally answering the question of how the site planned to make money (Williams had previously stated that traditional banner ads would tarnish Medium’s aesthetic). In 2015 Matter began to slow down its publishing, and by 2016 it was crumbling, publishing its final post in November. The title relaunched as an independent media incubator-slash-studio that March, with funding from Williams himself and leadership by Lotto and his wife Hillary Frey, the former executive editor of Fusion (now executive editor at Huffington Post). Then the studio closed abruptly in January 2017 due to management issues, leaving writers with potential collaborative projects—book deals and film aspirations—in the lurch. The studio did, however, produce a trailer and swag for its rebrand logo.

Matter’s sudden shift coincided with the departure of Pacific Standard, The Ringer, and The Awl from the Medium platform. In May 2017, less than a year after joining Medium, Jackson was already explaining that Pacific Standard’s departure from Medium would allow it to increase subscriber growth and develop new features. The Awl departed several months later without much fanfare. Editor Silvia Killingsworth described the publication’s return to WordPress in a post that referred to Medium as “a cool experiment, in my opinion.” She continued, “Personally I missed the ads.” (The Medium detour seemed to help derail The Awl permanently; it shut down in January of this year.)

Medium’s meandering business model meant that in early 2017 it was forced to lay off approximately 50 staffers (one-third of the company at the time) and close offices in New York City and Washington, D.C. Under duress, the company pivoted away from serving as a platform for other media brands and doubled down on its own fraught editorial strategy.

[dillydedalus]

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5 

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me. 

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

[marvelousmerriment]

I just really wanna rant about Aladdin 2019:

(( this is incredibly long with not well thought out sentences because I genuinely just want to rant. Also Grammarly came for my neck and I don’t feel like going through and fixing typos because I’ll rewrite the whole thing))

So for starters, I had really low expectations. I was not excited and have been extremely skeptical since day 1. But I’m not going not see this dumb stuff because I can’t resist being a mindless consumer and I want to have a real opinion.

Arabian Nights opened with such a strong premise, but the sudden cut to introduce the sultan, jasmine, aladdin, and then Jafar at the cave of wonders was SO weirD? Like music video weird? You don’t need to show flashes of the characters to the audience??? We already know what movie we’re watching?

One Jump continues in the realm of twisting the original and flowing out of order? It was a great introduction to Aladdin’s theif ways but the choppy camera work just threw me out of the song. There was a moment where Aladdin and Jasmine are walking hand in hand down an alley and the footage literally FAST FORWARDS to get them on the caravan??? It was just not great. ALSO the freaking “I’d blame parents” scene with the Harem suddenly being a group of girls in school made me laugh!! The whole song was just kind of missing that vibrant feeling of the original and it sacrificed entertainment for realism.

I enjoyed Aladdin & Jasmine getting to know each other and her little white lie. And his sneaking into the castle was cute and felt a little more authentic to the story (vs Jafar lying that he got killed?) but Aladdin saying “Meet me tomorrow night” or whatever and her following up with that just didn’t make any sense??? If Ali/Aladdin wants to keep up the rouse that he was pretending to be a commoner later in the film why would he arrange a second date with this girl. ON TOP OF THAT why would she trust him so much later on if nothing in his stories adds up? So that entire concept just got lost to me.

As expected, introducing the Genie really picks up the film and I enjoyed it a lot. Will Smith was AMAZING and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed his performance. Friend Like Me was well done and their chemistry was immediately a light at the end of this tunnel. I was smiling and laughing all the way up to the Prince Ali sequence.

Now. Prince Ali. Fabulous He. This song was a mess mess. Aladdin’s immediate discomfort even though he knew nobody would recognize him stole that moment where he could’ve been more excited to be there. The singing was rough, the VERY small ensemble was hilarious....it just kind of sucked. I enjoyed the *finale* of the song and Genie’s change of “heard your princess was a sight lovely to see” - it just fit his characterization and I laughed.

Ali’s introduction highlighted how awkward and unprepared Aladdin was and I liked that. Although Jasmine’s “not a prize to be won” line is so iconic I’m surprised it wasn’t....there? The party was nice - Smith once again stealing the entire show by doing the bare minimum tbh.

Whole New World was exactly what we expected and I was practically indifferent. The lead up with Dahlia/Genie was CUTE. But Jasmine’s interrogation of where his kingdom was didn’t really....make sense if hours later she realizes him and Aladdin are the same? That’s where the writing just started to fall apart for me. Is Jasmine this smart or not? Is she naive or not? Make up your mind and don’t pad your script with these randomly unnecessary “little white lie turned big” challenges.

Following this....the plot started to turn to sand for me. So they skip to the following day to have 1. aladdin‘s near-death second wish 2. Jafar being revealed as evil and being locked up even though he was going to escape? 3. Aladdin reveals to genie he was going to save his last wish (which was the only scene I felt like Mena was acting to a greenscreen???) 4. Aladdin randomly go into the city where he encounters a thief Jafar who has already escaped his obviously unnecessary prison....like what was the point of that padding if it was just going to end in Jafar getting the lamp? That could’ve all stayed in the castle without the dramatics. NIGHT arrives in all this - but then it’s the next day and Jafar has time to rearrange himself dramatically on the throne room steps and a weirdly rehearsed entourage comes in??? Did Aladdin stay at his old home the entire night and not realize he didn’t have the lamp in that entire time? Did it take him a whole evening to get back to the palace? Where was aladdin in all this???

*sigh* Jafar is such a fantastic Disney villain and to see him reduced to this was really rough for me. He gets his sultan-ness, and there’s this padded INCREDIBLY forced scene that leads into Speechless. And then he becomes a sorcerer because why? The guards don’t listen to him anymore? One of the best parts of the original movie is that Jafar is so power hungry he is BOOM wish BOOM wish and then sits on his third. That’s what the Genie meant when he describes “that guy” and the bad things “that guy” does. Making Jafar’s ambitions out to be “I’ll show you guys who’s boss” instead of his original nature was just so boring. The torture of the characters was stupid. The sudden “THEN MARRY ME PRINCESS” came out of nowhere because he showed no signs of being attracted to Jasmine before or thinking himself suitable for her hand. The original highlights how creepy it is that Jafar wants Jasmine to marry him - and that isn’t touched on?? in this version??? You make Jafar younger and arguable more handsome than his source material and you leave out the part where he wants the princess? Okay I guess.

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT GRIPE: The axe of the slave jasmine scene? Now, we all know that scene isn’t perfect but the message behind it is showing how calculating Jasmine is and how easily tricked Jafar was! If they are making us sit through another time jump where Jafar plans a quick wedding - and Aladdin’s in the artic - you’re telling me that he wouldn’t attempt the “make someone fall in love with you” moment? The entire concept of that original scene is a distraction. Aladdin is coming back and Jasmine is distracting Jafar. The entire concept of Speechless (reprise 2) being imaginary also steals a lot of signifigance from her message. It was just so unecessary. ((I’m also noteably not a fan of Pasek and Paul so I wasn’t expecting much from that song or it’s context))

So they axe that completely, Jasmine just gets to stand there and cry, and then jump off the balcony for a COMPLETELY. USELESS??? LAMP CHASE??? with the SCARIEST CGI MONSTER BIRD EVER?!?! - a whole choppy mess! All this extra expensive CGI carpet chase material that ends in Aladdin/Jasmine crashing, Carpet fucking DYING???, and Jafar with the lamp again. Why???

Following that dumpster fire, I did cry during the genie’s freedom scene because it was very very well done. Will Smith solidified himself as his own version of the genie and I adored that. My only wish is that Jasmine/her dad/Dahlia had been paying attention? It was kind of off that they weren’t. Genie confessing to Dahlia was cute but rushed, followed but the rushed reveal that she was the mother of the children in the beginning and that that was human him. It just felt like “oh god we gotta hurry and finish this because we spent an extra 40 minutes PADDING THIS MOVIE”

Aladdin sneaking away was cute, but waht we didn’t need was someone saying “is that the princess?!” following the ‘nobody’s seen her in years’ plot hole. She was present at the Prince Ali parade where Genie made a direct connection with the Sultan.....anyone could look up and assumet the girl in the NICE DRESS was her? Idk. That’s just me being picky.

The kiss transition was pretty. The final dance scene was very cute and I’d kill to see some fun B roll of that filming because it looked like a lot of fun. It was a sweet ending to a sour film.

I’m critical as hell of these remakes because I don’t see a lot of excuses to straying from basic elements of the source material. This movie is advertised like a remake....so act like it? Padding on padding for extra storylining and moderinizing the classics doesn’t make the film better. You’re delivering a fresh take to THE SAME AUDIENCE + their children. So I just don’t understand the obsession (also shown with BatB) with modernizing every single aspect of the princesses’ story. Belle & Jasmine are already some of the best princess role models predating Tiana. Princesses are special in their own way. A modern woman can relate to Mulan just as much as she relates to Snow White. Creating this “fresh” storyines to appease the ignorant modern audience is just so...boring.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. I’m gonna go watch the original now.

[prettylittleliarsxxxx]

So long, Rosewood -- and hello, Beacon Heights!

Now that Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists is officially heading to Freeform for a 10-episode first season, we've been dying to know how this next PLL chapter starring Mona (Janel Parrish) and Ali (Sasha Pieterse) is going to unfold.

To get the inside scoop, ET recently sat down with creator Marlene King at the ATX Television Festival in Austin, Texas, and now we have absolutely everything fans need to know before tuning into PLL: The Perfectionists. From checking in on Emily and Alison's rumored relationship woes to asking about Mona's Parisian dollhouse and discovering what Spencer and Toby are up to  -- (Spoiler alert: They're happy!)  -- only ET is spilling the exclusive spinoff secrets.

ET: Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists is officially happening! How are you feeling right now knowing that the Pretty Little Liars story will continue on?

Marlene King: I'm so excited! The challenge for me was coming up with a story that paid homage to PLL, that really honored the brand, but yet felt really new. [It’s] a brand-new show with brand-new stories and I think we did a pretty good job of pulling that off.

Talk to us about Beacon Heights -- how is this town different from Rosewood?

Well, Beacon Heights is very different from Rosewood. PLL was shot almost entirely as a Warner Bros. backlot show, which most fans already know, but this pilot and the show is going to be shot in and outside of Portland, Oregon. We're being true to [The Perfectionists] books. They take place in the Pacific Northwest in Beacon Heights, so that's our new world.

This book is inspired by another book series from Pretty Little Liars author Sara Shepard called The Perfectionists -- how much are you drawing upon this source material and then infusing it into this new show?

Well, I don’t want it to be a spoiler for people who haven’t read the books yet, but the books have a twist in them that would be kind of impossible to pull off on a TV show. So I think it was great inspiration for the show, but we kind of go off [book] a little bit sooner rather than later -- unlike with PLL, which I think we were really true to the first four books.

In the 30-second teaser for PLL: The Perfectionists, we discover that Ali is moving to a new town, and it looks like she’s starting a new chapter in her life. Can you explain a little bit about why she’s moving?

Well, again, I don’t want it to be a spoiler because we do address that in the pilot, but she and Mona have a conversation about that and we understand why she's making this journey. It's a personal journey for her and there's something that she has to accomplish, I think, for her own sense of self. You'll hear about that right away in the pilot story.

A lot of fans out there are very worried that Ali is going off on this journey and that Emily is not seen in this promo. Should Emison fans be worried about their relationship?

Well, you know, the challenge of this [is that] the starting point [of the show] was who wants to do it? Who wants to really be a part of this new show? And the original four Pretty Little Liars were all ready to go do new things -- that’s just sort of the way the world works. So my challenge then, as the creator of this new show, was to honor Emison's relationship and continue to honor it as we launch this new story. It was a challenge, and I hope we've done the best job possible of honoring what we know is their truth.

You're still close with the original PLL cast — have you talked to Shay Mitchell? Is it still a possibility that we could see Emily on this show?

MK: I think everything is possible. I think our OG PLLs are really supportive of this show and they're really supportive of Sasha and Janel and me and our new cast, and I think everything is possible.

Will we see Alison and Emily’s twin babies in The Perfectionists?

You will see the twins, yeah. They’re a little older now. I think they're toddlers now. They’re, like, maybe 3 [years old].

So does that mean we’re getting a little bit of a time jump at the beginning of this show?

I think it's almost a real-time time jump. From the time that we ended PLL, which was a year ago, to the time this show will premiere, it's sort of real-time.

Let's talk about Ali and Mona -- two of my favorite characters are going to get to interact a lot more. How would you describe their dynamic at the beginning of this new series?

Well, Alison is surprised to see Mona -- you can see that from the sizzle reel when she stops by for pie. Mona is Mona. You never really know whether you can trust her or not, and that continues to be her truth in this new story.

When we last saw Mona in the Pretty Little Liars series finale, she was playing with her living dolls, Alex and Mary Drake, and keeping them captive. Will we get the answer of whether or not those women are still stuck in Mona’s Parisian dollhouse?

You definitely will get that answer in a very cheeky Mona way.

I loved Mona because she was so fierce and she never needed a man -- or a woman -- to define her, but are we see going to see her be in a relationship in this new show?

Yes, I think it's her turn, as an actress and as a character, for us to have a lot more time to spend with her and really get to know Mona better than we already do.

So that sounds like we could definitely get a love interest for Mona. Can you tease anything about this person that Mona will be interacting with?

I cannot, [but] give me a couple more weeks in the writers' room and then I can give you some more information.

We also have Sofia Carson coming into the show playing Ava, who I know has a lot of secrets. What type of secrets could she be hiding? What should fans know about her?

Sofia's character Ava has, in my opinion, one of my favorite [secrets]. Everybody has a secret going into this new show, and her secret is really one of my favorites. I don’t want to give up what it is, but it's pretty awesome and it's pretty cool and she's kind of a fierce badass -- in her own Sofia way because Sofia is so adorable.

I love the fact that we have the most badass girls all coming together in Beacon Heights. How would you describe their dynamic together?

Well, we find out in the pilot [that Ali] is coming to Beacon Heights because she got a job at Beacon Heights University. She’s a role model in some ways for these younger kids, and [Ava] is a student at Beacon Heights. I don’t want to give up too much, [but] it’s all good, you'll see.

We recently caught up with Troian Bellisario and she expressed that you two have already had conversations about her possibly directing a future episode of The Perfectionists. Is that something that could happen?

We would love it. Yes, I talked to Troian about that, and actually Ashley Benson is really interested in directing an episode too, so that would be great if we could figure out all that stuff. She's a baller. [All of the OG PLLs] are smart -- they all could direct if they want.

Lucy Hale also told us that she's so excited for the show and would be interested in having Aria making an appearance in Beacon Heights. Could any of the OG PLLs make a cameo in the show?

Always. They’re always welcome. We would always want to find a place for them. I think there's just such a seamless sort of transition to this new show that it's always possible for people to just come in and sort of drop in and visit us.

Looking back at the series finale of Pretty Little Liars, a few fans were upset that Spencer and Toby’s ending was left a bit more open-ended than the other couples. You’ve expressed on Twitter that you’d like to write more scenes for the fans for Spencer and Toby’s future. Do you have any Spoby updates for us?

Do I have any Spoby updates? I kind of know where they are in my mind, and honestly I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write that chapter, but I still will. I'll do it.

Can you give us just a little peek into your mind?

They’re happy, I know that. They’re happy. They're living in Philadelphia; they're not living in Rosewood. Toby is helping to build housing for the homeless and Spencer is getting her law degree.

For the Pretty Little Liars fans out there who are going to tune into PLL: The Perfectionists next year, what do you want them to know before they watch this first episode?

MK: Well, they can go back and binge Pretty Little Liars, which I think a lot of people are doing right now. I just noticed on social media because of the “A” birthday or anniversary of the original airing of the show yesterday, and a lot of people seem to be going back to the show to binge. You don’t have to have watched Pretty Little Liars to enjoy The Perfectionists, but you'll find a lot of Easter eggs in the new show if you do. Just prepare for a fun new ride.

Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists will premiere in 2019 on Freeform.

[dashinberlin]

The First Day of the Rest of My Life in Berlin

Welcome to my diary. I have been meaning to keep one of these for the whole of my twenties but I never got around to it. I’m currently 26 years old and today was the day that I moved to Berlin. It was a   decision i made one year and ten days ago on the 13th of November. IT came about because my dreams and career have been stagnating for a while [4 years] In London and I really wasn’t happy anymore, especially after moving back in with my dad because my previous residence was too full of dogshit and used needles. I got up at about 8 I think. Dean, my ex boyfriend and best friend came over about 9, and we spent the morning sorting out a bunch of my last belongings. It was all very frantic and rushed, but I left the house in a state my dad was relatively pleased with. 

We went to the post office first to mail some rubber to my crush in America. It was rubber from my passed away Sir. We were such a scene trying to fix the broken granny trolley full of stuff for dean with parcel tape in front of a busy post office.  We got on the tube. It was a nightmare trying to navigate with three things on wheeels and about 5 or 6 back packs or bags. It was really strange and busy the whole things. Given that I had given myself a year to plan all of this, the fantasy-land version of myself had dreamed that everything would have been packed up and put to bed months ago, however the real version of me new I would be a qausi ,but never ever complete disaster as usual. In my head I think of myself as being one on a team of rag tag misfit kits who save the day wearing inventive but destroyed outfits, and brandish effective yet fucking weird and unconventional looking weapons.  

So yeah we got to the airport and checked in, nearly burst into tears telling the lady on the desk i’d been planning this day for a year. my mate Bill works at heathrow and he came and joined us at the whetherspoons to see me off. When we’d drank and the time came for us to leave I decided now was the perfect time to record a video with Dean where we read off and performed our list of completely fucking weird and abstract foiles-es-deux language memes from the stickynotes app on my laptop. “blabble fish” “octoboyfriend” “Hatch distress call” and “pacman around the shop” were all memes that we re-enacted for this video. it was LOLZ. 

And then the time was upon us. We walked to the gate, and we said goodbye. I pretty much instantly burst into tears telling dean good bye and how much i loved him, whilst holding him.  We’ve been joined at the hip seeing each other at least two times a week for four years so it was a bit tough. We said we loved each other and were thankful for the times we had. I gave bill a “come here Bill!” and pulled him close. 

Got through security and put my head-phones on. Next song up on my list was Foals- Spanish Sahara. This track is a work of art. It progresses so slowly I had to skip the first minute to be able to skip to the part where you could actually say it was a beginning verse. I walked to my gate (A26) as the song progresses. ....  This whole time, the last year I knew was going to be year of closing doors behind me, some shut easy, some shut with the sound of broken hearts bittersweet wishes. When I decided to leave London it was like suddenly my 3d interaction with the city and all the people in it had become a massive one way track labyrinthine palace and at every step where i knew it was the last time i’d be in one place, or talk to one person, I neatly and quietly closed the door of this memory behind me. At first you’re zig zagging all over town shutting doors, but when it gets closer to things like, your leaving party, and your last ten tube rides, and then last time you see people you see every day, and then suddenly you’re listening to Spanish Sahara (a song about abandoning a foresaken place) and you’re looking through airport glass at the plane your about to board and you let out a great big silent scream because the fucking plane door now not only represents final closure of the palace of your life in London, all the hopes, failures dreams, tears, memories, laughs, blood, semen, and ambitions of this place. It staggeringly also carries the weight of being a portal to another dimension. At this point the plane ceases to be a plane, but instead is now a vessel that carries you from your neatly shut-down city of failed dreams, through time and space, to your future in a world that you really don’t know that much about, apart from that there was a big wall that cut it in half, and that it is currently the  stunning playground of Gay Angels, Neo Nazi Demons, and all those in between... oh and by the way, they’re all dancing to techno and fucking on the dancefloor. 

So I board the plane. I go to my seat I booked, its by a window at the very back. I’m sitting there with tears in my eyes and a woman turns around from the seat in front of me and asks in german if the lighter she has just found on the floor is mine. I tell her no its not, an eventually in german “Dass is nicht mein feuerzoig” and we strike up conversation. I tell her very quickly this is my moving flight to berlin that i’ve been planning on for one , and she’s instantly overwhelmed with compassionate amazement. Her name is Ingrid. She was super sweet to me, and told me numerous times that she had huge respect for me making this gigantic leap, and the guts it took to make it, and how much fun berlin would be, and how so many people never listen to their gut instinct. Over the cours of the flight she tells me over her story, how she lived in Berlin for 10 years, in Schoneberg no less, and how she thought she’d be happier becoming a sister in a convent, and how her dream led her astray, and how it had hurt to leave everything to start again and it not worked out. She explained how she worked in finance for a bit, and then a hospice which was a her true calling in life, and now how she was doing finance work again....and was very unfulfilled.  I told her more of my year,  how the dogshit needle house and years of london stagnation had made me so anxious sometimes at work I just wanted to sit there and cry and scream at the blank wall in front of my desk. And how something drastic needed to be done. I told her how I lost Michael in Berlin and how is death affected me, nd how I believe in magic and the amazing energy of the universe that will help and guide you if you are good, and you believe, and if you ask nicely and you yearn, and you work hard it will heLP YOU THE FUCK OUT. Ingrid supported all my additions with points of her own, and I think in that moment she new that like me, her life had become derailed from it’s path towards destiny and that it was time to get off of this path of pointlessness and back on one which makes her happy.  That vessel. The wormhole to another life. Was a magical place to be. The plane flew over a beautiful wash of white clouds the whole way to Germany, and their textures changed from bright sunshine to darkness very quickly as sunset speed was enhanced by the plane’s cruising speed of threehundredandX MPH. With the ground obscured by smokewaves and light switch of the earth being flicked off so quickly, it was the transition from one path to another was practically audible. It was like the closing palace was actually my universe collapsing into a singular hyper dense singularity, and this new state, one even smaller than an atom was where I was in the vessel in that moment. The changing of the sky and the earth around me was actually the visual signs that my new future was being rotated and recalibrated around me, so that when the door of that fucking plane opened, a new palace and a new universe and a new future would burst out in front of me, sprawling infinitely. The name of that future is Berlin. 

The plane lands. I get my bags with Ingrid. We take a selfie, proclaim the importance and sacred of our meeting and we move on.  In the cab ride back to my place the driver welcomes me to Berlin and we instantly start talking about the insane nightlife. By the end of the cab ride he has revealed to me that he has always wanted to go to berghain and i give him some ideas of he could look cool and get in. and he is very thankful. He also told me how when he’s having sex he loves speaking in english because he finds it super fucking hot...like seriously, he spoke so emphatically that from what i can tell, english sex is to him what bondage fisting is to me. 

I hang about for ten minutes waiting for Alis excited as fuck. When she arrives and opens the foor and screams “welcome to your new chapter!!” she looks slightly concerned at me for  second because a few seconds has passed now and I’m so fulll of amazement and awe at those words my mouth was a big jar with a small lid, and  filled with big word pickles and none of the eighty word pickeles could come out. . . So I just sort of jumped in the air and screamed a abit. We climbed about 7 flights of  stairs up to the flat with my HEAVY Fuckng bags where she let me in and showed me my new room. Which. just. oh. my god. It’s. just. so fucking big. I can’t even believe it. I have the best room in the house! It’s long and tall, you could get about two and a half of my old bedroom in brixton into it easily.  Suddenly I was here, The sparks of my new life palace constructing itself in front of me. All I could think was that it seemed so easy in a way.  Like I had asked, and yes i did work, and save, and put in love and money and effort, and it just appeared in front me and now I can just go walk over, and pick it up and hold it and it’s mine. MY DREAM IS MINE AND ITS COMING TRUE EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES. 

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #16 + Finale “My heart is still like THUDDING” -Ruthie

-I don't think I did so great at the final immunity thing.  I bombed the trivia because I was on the way home from Orlando, with my counting endurance I put 'message one, message two...' in everything when I didn't have to because I second guessed myself so I'm sure I wasted a TON of time doing that and my winterbells score SUCKS lol.  On a positive note I got 8/9 riddles so maybe there is a little bit of hope for me! If I don't win this final immunity I hope Ali will.  It would be best for his game to vote me out with Gavin and Birch but I'm not sure what he will do.  Ali and I have played a REALLY loyal game with one another and I wouldn't fault him at all if he cut me now because I would 100% be a vote for him to win. If I do somehow manage to win I am definitely not voting Ali because if I have to lose to anyone I would rather lose to him.  I'm just kind of done with the whole 'taking people I would win against' thing.  ANYWAY, I definitely won't be upset if I get voted out because that means I can vote for Ali to win and also the anxiety that comes with an FTC and answering questions is not fun.   The last one of these and got to FTC I was SO inactive that I had no idea what was going on and... it was not cute LOL.  SO if I do somehow win this immunity I'm going to like actually prepare something and study up so I don't make too much of a fool of myself haha. If Ali wins I may even request that he just go ahead and vote with the other two or tell him I wouldn't hold it against him because of all the times he has saved me in this game I REALLY want to go hype him up in ponderosa and be a vote for him to win. I just feel in a way that this is not my game to win, it is Ali's and I think I will be happier for him than I would for myself. I don't even know what I'm saying this is just a bunch of me rambling and thinking out loud and like... PANICKING over the fact that I may have to do a FTC and make a speech and answer questions haha. As for my game I think I played a good game but not a GREAT game.  I definitely couldn't have made it this far without Ali so I'm just really glad that I played the game I always wanted with a duo that I could tell everything to and trust and that I didn't end up backstabbing or vise versa! 

-That was honestly not as bad as what I thought it was going to be but I feel like I had the easy end of the deal because people seemed a bit nicer to me with their questions and statements in a way.  And I just really hope that Ali and Birch are okay.  I checked on Ali and I'm about to check in on Birch. I was SO nervous, and I'm still confused about the freaking water shoes I feel like it is some inside joke Chips and I have that I can't freaking remember LOLOL. My heart is still like THUDDING and hurts so much right now, I LOVE playing these games but I hate making it to FTC and having to answer questions and have the world see just how bad my anxiety is just when I think I have it under control.   I will be really happy with an Ali or a Birch win and would LOVE to see most of the jurors in our position right now as well.  This has been such a great game, probably one of my top five favorites and I hope that we all keep up with each other over the next few months. I feel like after this I'm going to go back into hibernation until next summer or a break of some sort but this has been a GREAT game and I hope that a few people come back to the next season of atomic so I can cheer them on.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONL8cfvrRsM

-so the season is done, and the winner reveal is in just over two hours. FTC was literally a rollercoaster, and I have a lot to say to two jurors in particular, but I've decided this final confessional is not the place for it. Timmy and Jess... just know you have a big storm coming. with that said, i have decided doing a negative, resentful final confessional about this game is not reflective of my overall experience this season. so i'm going to focus on some positives: - First and FOREMOST, I wanna big myself up a TINY LITTLE BIT. Just a little bit, dont you worry jury, the self-positive content will be kept to a MINIMUM I know y'all wanna see me suffer. I achieved a lot of milestones this season, idols used to be my fatal flaw as a player but I used THREE EFFECTIVELY this season, I bodied challenges, I attended every tribal except three, voted in the majority at all tribals except one, I was apart of every big move this season without exception and I'm SO proud overall. - Some apologies! First off to Bodhi, i took Lover SO seriously and I'm kind of embarassed that it transitioned into me being so aggressive in how i spoke about him. Bodhi is so so fun and I hate that I became that bitter, resentful person, when he has never done anything to me. So yeah I have amends to make with Bodhi. I also owe Rachael a massive apology for lying so aggressively at Final Five. I also owe Cindi an apology for ever backtracking on holding Timmy Z accountable, in my RoP or at FTC. She deserved better and he deserved nothing. - I wanna say shoutout to Birch and Ruthie. Birch is SUCH a sweetheart, and I think if I lose this season, they are likely winning. Their personal growth was amazing to watch since Montenegro, I'm so proud of them for coming into their own. Ruthie is the ULTIMATE sweetheart, I have so much love for Ruthie's attitude and how she carries herself. Also wanna give love to Gavin/Cindi two others who made this season sm fun for me!! Lastly I wanna thank Olivia and Lukas. Two of the best hosts and people I've met in this community. Two people I knew from day one of Isle of Skye would be PHENOMENAL additions to the community. I have so much admiration and love for the both of them ,could not think of better hosts for my last ever game. anyway time to peace out. i came, i saw, i conquered and im proud ultimately.

So this is my last confessional :( I'm not winning, at least not from what the jury seemed to be saying at FTC, which was rough. I think Ali is winning. I've loved this game, I can't believe it is over.

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Click HERE to watch the Round 16 Cast Assessment 

Click HERE to see a playlist of ALL Cast Assessments 

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Once again, thank you to all of the 20 people who made this season what it is and congratulations to Ali for winning! We loved hosting you all so so so very much.

The best of this season cannot be explained in cast assessments or episodes; The best of this season occurred in private late night calls, movie nights, messy tribal scrambles, lessons learned, and the private messages between you all that Olivia and Lukas will never see. The best of this season belongs only to all of you and we hope you walk away with a few fond memories. We love you all! 

-Olivia and Lukas

[mearnsblog]

The Disney Quarantine Binge

Hello friends.

What’s baseball? Who knows. I’ve never heard of it. Thanks to the awful COVID-19 pandemic, it’s basically not a thing anymore! The world needs to get a whole lot better before we can even remotely consider the return of any kind of sport, aside from re-broadcasts of “Slippery Stairs: College Tour” on ESPN 8: The Ocho (that really happened, bless it).

In its absence, Ali and I have turned to Disney+ to patch in many hours of the void. We had just watched “Ratatouille,” and I suggested that our next movie could be one of the Disney films I remembered from childhood. We thought about a few different options and ultimately came down on the decision to just watch them all, starting all the way back at the beginning with “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” We’re going to have a lot of free time and we had just watched the “Imagineering” documentary as well as a slew of other YouTube videos detailing Disney’s wild history, so why not?

It’s hard to write much about baseball right now, so I’m writing about Disney. Specifically, I’m going to use this binge to compile my personal ranking of all 58 films that fall under the category of “Walt Disney Animation Studio films.” Look, the internet clearly needed another idiot throwing some dumb listicle of his own thoughts out there. No need to thank me personally.

I make no promises about how much I’m going to write about each of these movies, mainly because I’m mostly just shooting from the hip and some of these films really don’t require that much thought. Also, I’m just doing this because I want to, and sometimes, it helps to take your mind off serious things. But I will update this post with my rankings as I go, if not only for convenience.

Onward.

1. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (1937)

The one that started it all. For all of Walt Disney’s personal faults, it’s hard not to admire the personal gumption that it took to pull this movie off. No one thought a full-length animated movie could work, and it went way over budget. Disney had to mortgage his house to pay for it all, but he and his team (including his always-overlooked financial expert of a brother, Roy) did it, and damn it if it wasn’t spectacular.

Is “Snow White” dated? Of course it is, it came out before World War II. (It’s No. 1 as I’m writing this list now and only going through the early Disney flicks, but I can guarantee that it will not be No. 1 for terribly long.) Snow White herself is not very interesting, and the prince is a joke. That’s partially because the early Disney studio found it difficult to animate him much, so some potential storylines for the prince got cut. It is what it is.

The queen, though, is an elite Disney villain, and my grandma still remembers the thrill of being frightened by her when she saw “Snow White” for the first time. The animation is admirable, especially as Snow White scrambles for her life through the forest to whatever kind of safety she can find, and when the dwarfs join with the animals to chase down the witch. Speaking of the dwarfs, they are classic Disney sidekicks for a reason and quickly earn the audience’s love. Grumpy’s evolution in particular from being so misogynist that Disney himself referred to him as “Grumpy the woman hater” to openly weeping at Snow White’s apparent death is lovely.

It had been a long time since I revisited “Snow White,” and I probably won’t again for quite some time. Nonetheless, I’m glad I did.

Best song: “Heigh-Ho”

2. “Fantasia” (1940)

Every music teacher's favorite "concert's over and now we have to kill time until the semester ends" movie, aside from maybe "Mr. Holland's Opus." I was pumped to rewatch "Fantasia," and its peaks did not disappoint.

Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring" is always incredible, and I always forget just how many familiar tunes are packed into "The Nutcracker Suite." That was a fun little delight. However, I also forgot just how much "Toccata and Fugue" and especially "Dance of the Hours" can feel like a drag. The visuals helped the former go by; the latter was a slog.

"Sorcerer's Apprentice" is a classic and that sequence is all over Disney lore for a reason. "Pastoral Symphony" almost suffers from the same drag as "Toccata and Fugue," but the Greek mythology nerd in me appreciates the effort of the visuals. (At the same time, centaurettes? Uh, okey dokey.)

Anyway, all these words have just been a preamble to this: I love everything about "Night on Bald Mountain" and "Ave Maria." They could not have picked a better combination to end this feature. Everything about it is perfect, from the creepiness of the demon Chernabog to the monks' glowing lights restoring some calm to the chaos.

Without that one-two punch at the end, "Fantasia" might be forgotten as a feature and really only remembered for "Sorcerer's Apprentice." Thankfully, that's not the case, and the finale will keep bringing me back.

Best song: "Night on Bald Mountain"

3. “Pinocchio” (1940)

So. "Pinocchio." It's an experience.

I almost want to leave it there. It's so weird. I still adore "When You Wish Upon a Star" and just about everything to do with Jiminy Cricket. But it really just hustles through so many bizarre situations in the blink of an eye.

There's everything uncomfortable with Stromboli. There's everything to do with Pleasure Island, not the least of which involves some creepy old man that Honest John just happens to know. Pinocchio manages to escape yet again, only to have the climax of the movie take place inside a whale that ate Geppetto (and his poor cat and fish, who weren't initially involved with Geppetto's search).

Pinocchio's just not that likable. I know he's supposed to be a kid and kids can be annoying, but man. It's rough. Geppetto deserved better.

If this movie was released much later in the Disney pantheon, it would not be nearly as well-remembered. Oh well. Thankfully, the animation is stunningly beautiful for the time and Jiminy still rules. What a gem.

Best song: "When You Wish Upon a Star"

4. “Dumbo” (1941)

"Dumbo” is such a strange movie. It’s not even bad, and it’s over in the blink of an eye. (The run time is barely an hour, which is definitely appreciated.) It does have those same pacing problems as “Pinocchio” and “Bambi,” which also hit many of those early Disney movies. He shows up, he gets bullied, his mom freaks out, he gets bullied again, he gets drunk (!), he chats with the poorly-aged crows, and then he flies at the circus to end the movie. Hooray? There’s moving quickly though scenes, and then there’s slapping them all together with very few transitions. That’s the issue.

I have a love/hate relationship with “Elephants on Parade.” It’s such a crazy tangent for the movie to take in its short run time, but it’s entertaining as it is surreal. We were not a “Dumbo” household growing up, so for the longest time, the only things I knew about the movie were “When I See An Elephant Fly” and this sequence. I’ll probably still be thinking about it when I’m 80.

Timothy Mouse is a very nice not-quite Jiminy guide to the hero. He seems like a fine gent to share in some champagne-infused bucket water. That’s the good stuff. (Unlike the other elephants outside of Mrs. Jumbo. They’re awful and learn basically nothing.)

Anyway, at least it’s not the Tim Burton version. You couldn’t pay me to watch that.* I even forgot it was released last year until it popped up in my Disney+ suggestions.

*A lie. You could. I’m an out-of-work writer. what do you want?

Best song: “Elephants on Parade”