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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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Week 2

MONDAY 3 DECEMEBER 2018

I’ve finished sanding my room and writ shit tons in the diary. Need to look for work now. ....Now Updating this whole week from sunday night so shit might get vague

TUESDAY 4 DECEMBER 2018

Spent a lot of time talking to my friend Matt on recon, aka ska. He’s gonna come to berlin in March to visit me and really fuck up my shit. He’s gonna make me his gimp for a weekend. i’m really excited.

today’s special event was actually the night. At the suggestion of a drag queen called Chandelier and Danny, I went to a Drag Night by The House of Presents at Monster Ronson’s Ichiban Karaoke, which is super cool karaoke club in Friedrichstein. It has lots of little-painted booth and pink neons. It was amusing seeing a group of about 8 girls going to nuts to All The Things She Said behind semi soundproof glass.

Anyway, The mission was to make friends and contact and I think I did. My main one was Antina Christ who was the DJ of the night- she had a black shirt on that said SAD GOTH and black teeth. She told me about various scandals in the local scene with people like Sasha Velour doing this huge gig where drag queens came from all over Europe to perform, and they didn't get a hello from Sasha let alone a free drink, let alone any money at all LE GASP. And also how legendary Bjork make up designer Hungry left her drag house when she got super famous and is now too busy for them, also LE GASP.

For 6 Euros you get quite a lot. there was 11 different queens and performers that came on stage at the end to do there bows, there was a Gieza’s beyonce Santa (got hes got a great ass),Gaffy who is best friends with Betty Grumble (and had an equally perculiar performance) as well as Nana the Jewish mother who had a hannakuh bong, and a pole dance act and also a strip act. The whole thing was hosted by this other jewish nana themed drag called Pansy, - my fucking god does she like to talk alot! The show finished started at about 10.30 and finished at about 1.30 and the finale was something sad by Olympia Bukkakis. I brought my camera with me and she’s now using the picture i took of her as her new profile picture on facebook yasss achievement unlocked! My friends with Gaffy and he her mate Sophie O-Neal in the smoking room after. I’m going to their gig tomorrow. Sophy said she could hook me up with Berlin Fashion Week.

Spent the last part of the evening with the Nana, i cant remmeber his boy name, but basically we talked about being jewish and fisting. He told me this really awful joke about being fisted by a holocasut survivor and “you know it’s good when they go past the numbers” I was literally on the fucking floor i couldnt even. I think I got home about 5am

WEDNESDAY 5 DECEMEBER 2018

Stopped by Blackstyle again today to go and pick up Michael (my passed-away Master’s) repairs. Martin was in. We had a chat and catch up on a few things...I think that guy has a litle crush on me :P. He couldn’t give me them immediately though cos of some paper work Jazz. He showed me a video of his colleague Bjorn totally naked on Berlin U Bahn train jerking off and coming everywhere. Again within 24 hours, I was totally on the floor unable to cope with this information! there was so many people on that train!

Alis has told me that Christian has apologized to her about trying to cut the relationship short and would like to turn it back on. We both liked this idea :)

That evening I went out again. Uff. I need to get used to berlin catching me off gaurd cos it keeps doing this. I meant to be back by ike 3, and was home at fucking 6! The girl I met on my first night out her- Victoria, she said something like Beware, there is something on EVERY night in berlin. I think i’m getting it. So basically, I went to this bar in Neukolln called SameHead, annnnd it’s easily my new favorite bar in the whole of berlin. the whole place is deck out in this fabulous date of roughly Decemeber 31st 1989. IT’s all white tiles, with neons everywhere, and there’s all the crazy plastic arty fashion mannequins, even in front of the bar! I didnt even realise the bar was a bar at first cos i thought it was a super boutique clothing store! Gaffy and Sophie did their performance. It was in the small basement of the place and they put on a super show. Gaffy’s ability to live mix a show as she’s in the middle of performing is strangely hot to me. Also she has fucking amazing legs.. It’s very difficult to explain the show, it was just fun and dancey and feminist and arty and 80s and super fucking funny and cool. Sophy had a bit in the middle where she was like FUCK BREXIT SHIT ANd i was like YASS BITCH WERK, and gaffy did this bit at the end when she was like, listen everyone everyone I have an important announcement to make and then she turned the mic onto super bass level voice modulator and said something like BE WIIIIIIIIIILD, BE FREE AND MOST IMPORTANTLYYY BE YOURSELVES and everyone lost their shit it was fantastic. After I took a break to explore the bar a little. And came back to the last 4 songs of this crazy synthwave guy, shit i need to find out his name. He had a bassist with him and performed so well, everyone was dancing. This bar was the greatest. I made friends with a Welsh guy who was being very generous to me and everyone else with his ketamine, and also a scicilian guy called Marco. Marco is about 35 is wearing about 40 gold and silver rings, with black eye liner and an outfit which like a suit and ties with jacket and suspenders, and it’s all varying shades of yellow. Eccentric and kind of crazy are pefect terms for him. He tells me later he went to something during the day beforehand which is why he was dressed as the sun.

Annyway, so basically I the bartender told me it shut at 3, but actually it was 4 and people didnt leave until 5. We just kept on dancing! the DJ downstairs was amazing, he was pulling out a mixture of bangers you haven’t heard in ages and weird shit you’d never heard in your life. I reached 100% synchronicity with the vibe and the music and was pulling dancemoves i’d never tried before. I was having the best fucking time UFFFF. Such a good night!!!!

I left with Marco as we were going in the same direction. We walked completely the wrong way and went on a little tour of Neukolln. Marco has lived in Berlin for 10 years and knew a bit about the place and the buildings that did and didn’t get bombed. Neukolln was actually a separate village of it’s own but the bombs razed the borders and buildings that separated it from the rest of Berlin, and when everything was put back together it got absorbed into the rest of the city. Marco, has this very cinematic and fairytale way of viewing everything, for example, we were on the U bahn and a homeless man got on asking for change, and I gave him two euros, and then he was like “thanks happy christmas!” and started singing Wish you a merry christmas. Marco is like, ah yes, isn’t that funny how one small gesture has turned him from The Sad Man into The Singing Man. I was watching him continue to sing and dance as the train pulled away leaving us on the platform of Alexanderplatz. There was something about this analyses that was really special in a way I still haven't managed to put my finger on after days of thinking about it.

THURSDAY DECEMBER 6TH 2018 Today two things happened. It’s Alis’ Birthday and also a friend of Karyn’s named Kevin is coming to stay with us for one week. Kevin is fucking amazing. He’s this french dude whose about 32 from Leon, and he’s super stylish, and really funny and cool and has THE BEST French accent of all time. He’s one of those people where you want to record every conversation you have with him cos he’s always coming out with seriously funny stuff, or just generally saying anything with his accent whatsoever.

Cant remember the finer details of the day, so skippin to Ali’s birthday. We met athe the christmas market at Alexander platz, and it was like me, Alis, Aldina, Hannah, and two other coworkers called Andrea and Mo. And yeah, it was good. the xmas market down at Alexanderplatz is really gigantic, there hundreds of stalls, iceskating a giant Ferris Wheel with a really sinister looking pulsating eye thing that was giving me acid flashbacks GluhWeine everywhere. Yeah we walked around an ate food and drank wine, me and Aldina got sepearated from the group at one point and she told me about her nice evening at Kater Blau on saturday night- i think it’s another big ass industrial venue basically. She said it was cool but everyone was in their own zone [off their faces perhaps]? We found everyone and got a glass of gluhweine in a beer tent next to the rink. It was at this time that Christian, and also Marco from the night before joined us. Just before we got on the rink to go ice skating Karyn sent me a bunch of slightly angry messages cos i revealed to her I didn’t pay the rent yet (because she never told me the fucking due date of the rent!!) uff. It was slightly annoying to have that in my head as I was skating BUT WHATEVS. We got on the ice and i think the session was like 30 to 45 minutes. Marco is CRAAZZYY He loves photographing and filming everything!!! He was trying to selfies while ice skating except he cant skate very well so it always looked like he was going to have an accident- at one point when we were skating along these two children appeared in front of us COMPLETELY STATIONARY on the ice and we narrowly avoided them! I was like “KINDER UBERASCHT!” Aka kinder surprise! aka children surprise duh. Next up, all 8 of us crammed into a Ferris Wheel compartment, and I revealed the bottle of prosecco that I bought Alis as her Birthday present- special mention to Kevin for suggestin that, it was perfect! We wasted no time at all in cracking that open! Everyone had their gluhweine glasses and we drank from them. Marco was going nuts out of excitement and screaming and singing and rocking the compartment and we were all like can you please calm down we dont wanna get in trouble haha! We also all made our way through a box of chocolate that christian got Alis in that car and ignored the no drinking sigh. I got lovely pictures of my friends and also the Xmas market and alexanderplatz from the wheel. After we got out of the wheel, a some people left, and Me, Alis, Aldina, Christian and Marco all headed to a kneipe for some drinks. There were no places to sit all as one so I felt awkward about our large loud group crowding this couple at a table. OH WELL LOLZ. Omg Marco is so loud an excited about everything ahhh! We had a cool time chatting about crap over some tall pints here. I have no idea what they measure in but they’re big....or maybe that’s an pptical illusion from the huge head they put on the beer. We all left the pub and got our trains home. Fuck me before marco got off the stop before us, he was like do a picture and he like tried to jump and climb onto the passenger hand rail directly above where christian was sitting and i have a photo of the eact moment where he kicks in the face!!!!! oh my god it was so funny and slightly embrassing, luckily we all sense of humour and we laughed it off. I think Alis had a really fabulous evening, and I’m happy about that cos I really like her. ...I love being her Haary Barchen ^___^

FRIDAY 7 DECEMBER 2018 So todayyy I had this sex date planned. It didn’t go quite as I expected between me and Mario who i had seen recently at the leather social. I got there at 2.30 which was a half hour late. Apparently he’s all like old guard and shit and I had to be punished for this. Ah whatever BLABLABLABLABLA. Anyway, he was waiting for me in the door and kiss me and blindfolded me and sensually made out in the hallway for an unsually long 40 minutes or so. I then remained blindfolded for the next couple hours or so while ....you know what i cant even remember what happened in that period of time, it was just so slow. I really perfer pig play sometimes because no one has the upper hand of being “the dom” and driving the pace of the evening at the pace of a snail just because they can. Uff. anyway at one point we agree that I can try on some of the rubber i had brought with me and we go to the bathroom to sort it out. I put on my rubber Chevron suit minus the socks and make a break to get out of the bathroom cos now we’ve been in there 30 minutes. He’s like you’re forgetting your hood, and i’m like I dont want to be blindfolded anymore and he’s like well you cant ask questions about the living room that we were just playing with, and I’m like What, is it filled with Nazi paraphernalia? ,and he’s like no f course not you’ll see and im like ...uhhh okay. So we get back out there and it’s just really really tall storage filled with heaps and heaps of neatly orgnized office paper work. I’m like, i was blindfolded for this? and he’s like yeah people ask too many questions. And im like....right. We take a little break and FINALLY we go to the play room. He didn’t have any poppers and at that time i didnt realised i had misplaced them in my back pocket of my jeans and they weren’t i my bag where I thought they’d be. Essentially, he tied me to his flat bed sling, and progressively worked larger and larger toys into my hole. He never got his whole hand in, HOWEVER the come shot was amazing. He did one round of testing whether my prostate worked, and was like, you have to shout fire when you’re gonna come, and I was like okay. So the first round happened and was a bit intense, and he didnt let m come, but when the second round came along he was HAMMERING my G Spot SO HARD I swear I could see flashing colours in my brain and I was like HOLY FUCK FIIRRRRREEE!!!!!!!! When we were packing up my stuff 20 minutes later Mario got turnedon again and basically face fucked me til he came about 4 tablespoons of come into my mouth. The man was a fountain, I cannot rememeber the last time i drank so much come.

When I left at about 9.30 I took a walk through the rain into the bars. Mario lives at the very end of MotzStr. This has always been a very significant road to me. There’s like four parts of it, the first is at the far end where I was coming from which is the giant Air bnb flat that I visited two years in a row the first couple times I came to berlin, the second is a restaurant over the road with that that I dined with Michael at, the third is the fountain at Viktoria Luis Platz which i always visit, and the final bit is of course all the leather shops at the other far end of the road. And now of course I have all new memories with Mario at his end. Walking this road is kind of amazing because it chronicles a bunch of different points of my life and experiences of Berlin. I felt wonder at the apartment, and I felt great sadness at the restaurant. And when I walked to the fountain, which is the centre point of 6 paths, I turned on iplayyoulisten by ODEZSA. I don’t know why or how, but at some point, I ascribed great significance to this fountain, fI have seen it every time i visted the city and for some reason every time I’ve walked past it for a few years now, the phrase THIS TOO SHALL PASS has always pervaded my thoughts on it. Sometimes, the jets in the middle of it’s circular design are on, and mostly they’re off, and it’s 6 paths could take you anywhere. It’s actually where I went to pray for Michael when he was seriously ill with cancer in May. That track with by odezsa I mentioned before, was so amazing to me because it just feels like hope and change, and changing seasons and a new future. I played it to Michael the one time I got to see him conscious. I think he was more interested in me getting him water than this song, but anyhow, when I visted in the spring, I read the get well card I wrote for Michael to the fountain while l played iplayyoulisten on my phone in some kind of hope that this spell I just made up would be granted by this fountain at Viktoria Luis Platz. Obviously, the spell did not work, the wish did not come true, however I think the spirits of berlin did listen to me nonetheless. I walked around the fountain today listening to this track once more and I spoke and I said “I guess I cant be mad at you for not making it happen, you’re just a fountain after all”. I think i may have thanked Berlin for bringing me here to stay though. The feeling of arriving at that fountain with song at the same time was mindblowing because i felt all the different years of my past and now my present, and now even my future all sort of smack together at once, and I just stood there mouth open full of awe. I walked around once clockwise and once anti clockwise, and I said goodbye to the fountain and a very deep I love you to the spirit of Michael.

I continued into schoneberg, I got a foldy pizza thing, and then went and sat outside Prinzknecht and opened scruff. I was talking to an American bear called Brian who was visiting berlin for his birthday weekend and he said he was going to Lab Drink and Dance that night. I’m like, shit i totally forgot I was supposed to be meeting Craig my ex co-worker from regulation there! So naturally, I walked up to his hotel room at the Axel hotel, did the greetings, and then we got a cab to Lab. We chatted about New york, New jersey, trump, and the sights and sounds of Berlin. It’s always amazing being back at Berghain. This is the place that truly sold Berlin to me, I’ve had two fucking Epiphanes in that building and I just get so excited when I’m around it haha. Now I made a colossal mistake in thinking that they didn’t check you for drugs on the door. WRONG. They found the G in the back of my backpack super quick and despite me saying “take it I don’t need it” they absolutely wouldn’t let me in. I was like I wasn’t even gonna use it, it’s just there from before (and i didnt even use it before!!) the guy was like “not my problem” UFF I felt like such a twat. The only saving grace is that Craig and his partner Jasper were in the queue further behind me as they’d arrived late. I stood with them and chatted with them about Berlin and their new life in Lisbon, Portugal. It was kind of amazing because a year ago we were both planning to move and now we both had. I got the train home.

SATURDAY 8TH DECEMBER 2018 So for the past week or so I’d been keeping this Saturday night free to do something with Florence who i met at the Black Magick party. I largely spent the day pottering aout talking to Alis and Kevin, who i’ve started calling Miss Kevin after the drag queen in London, and he’s started calling me Mr Cider and Baked Beans. He’s in Karyn’s room which has been locked until now, so i spent some time looking at her amazing artifacts she’s collected. My favourite is this like, matching pair of bird claw back scratchers. They are as kind of creepy as they are fun, and equally as good at scratching your back. I had fun chasing Alis around the flat with them. She also has a fucking legendary eccentric sunglasses collection, some interesting corals (one looks exactly like an anus which me and Kevin found funny) and a variety of other pieces from her travels of the world. I made my broccoli and mushroom pasta that eve.

Now we sort of eventually decided to go to this huge party called Pornceptual which for once was being hosted more centrally near Alexanderplatz (unlike everything else which is usually in hipster triangle of friedrichstein, neukolln, or kreuzberg). Flo was doing a house party first so she was showing up later. I left the house at about 11.30 and noticed this cool straight couple board the same train as me, we all got off at KlosteStr. and when I noticed we were all waking abreast in the same direction I immediatly took of my headphones and asked are you going to pornceptual? to which they responded yes. I think they were called Michael and Olivia or something they were from Italy. I was like om straight people in Berlin? I had no idea! they were like lol yes there’s a few of us! I introduced myself as a photographer of fashion and portraiture to which Michael introduced himself as the recruitment director of a fashion magazine here in Berlin called High Snobiety (which i have heard of before) and he said that they might be looking for a new photographer soon so naturally, i gave him all three business cards I had on me at that point. He seemed pleased ans said he’s be in touch. I followed them to the venue, and while I was ready to get cosy with two bottles of berliner for a two hour queue, but these two weren’t having any of that shit. They cut immediately. It took us a few goes and some cheeky tactics to get it just right (including getting told off by security and some guy who didn’t want us cutting in) but we cut 96% of the line EASILY. We were in in like 10 minutes. I had to neck my fucking Berliner and the other one got held at the door!

Venue: I don’t know what this place was but it’s your standard slightly industrial gigantic fucking building with about 4 floors worth of architecture to drink, drug, dance and fuck all over. I wore my green and black rubber wretling suit and I was looking hot ;)

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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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THE HOUSE OF RED DOORS

Thursday 28 November 2018 Alis new i wanted to meet some new people and had told me about a party in the morning called the house of red doors. She’d heard of it from Christian and it was supposed to be amazing. I was unsure. I contacted the host: Bad Bruises and offered free photos for free entrance, and they said this was not permitted. Shit. My camera is my main mode of making friends. I told Alis when she came in that night and she was like YOU FOOL GO OUT AND MAKE FRIENDS WITHOUT A CAMERA!!! Christian was with her and he said it was the coolest most amazing party and he made me look at the pictures. to be fair they were cool. I threw on some boots, some black cargo pants, a thigh harness, two leather cuffs, and my mini harness and made my way to the party in Alt-Treptow, a neighboring district of friedrichstein in the East. The local area is a schmorgus board of legendary massive night clubs. I followe a 6″2 dude in a leather cloak and black hair down to his ass to the location. While crosssing the bridge, I thought i needed three things- a cash machine, probably some make up so i can get in, and well, to make some friends. I look up at the sky and wonder what my guardian spirit and Michael are thinking of my early adventures in Berlin. I arrive at the mansion where the event is and while im trying to guess which of the two growing huge queues to Join this petite, blonde, french girl with dark eye shadow and a pentagram on her forehead jumps up behind me and asks “hey! did you say you were going to a cash machine?!”. And with great pleasure, I introduce to you all Florence X, she is a very pretty late twenties theatrical costume designer from Bergundy, who has returned to Berlin THIS NIGHT after a few months away and she is already hitting the town! I’m like “No i didnt say anything about a cash machine but you literally read my mind exactly!” she laughs and we look for the guy who did say that. We see him half a block away and catch up with him, while walking she says “Hey do you need a little make up? I have red and purple! I’ll sort you out int he queue!” me fucking shocked at the realness of the magic “uh.......why yes! um [omg the luck] yes i would like that please!”,.

We catch up with the bloke, his name is Julio and he’s a musician from Mexico. The three of us walk about 15 minutes to the nearest ATM which is at Ostkreuz station, and we do all the introduction and say who we are and what we do. Obviously im super excited this girl is named Florence and i show her my tattoo of from florence welch, and when we finally get back to the queue I get her to draw a great big Third Eye on my head [the florence song lyrics tattoo of the same name] and naturally she does and amazing job and I look like Satan. Julio’s friend waiting for him the queue is this fucking stunning German girl whose tall and slender with dark hair, and pale features and my favorite accent of berlin so far- she sounds like old hollywood Liza Minnelli mixed with German. It’s astounding. Julia is nutty, super funny and obsessed with Interpol. We queue for an hour and a half in 1C weather before getting in. My toes were cold. While in the queue I reveal I have two pills and Julio asks to buy one off me. Initially im selfish, but then i stop being that way and agree to part with it for 6EUR.

We all pay 15EUR on the door and finally get in and make our way inside the place. The main layout is pretty much a giant L-shaped building with a courtyard in the middle and a ground floor and a first floor containing probably about 5-7 different dancefloors, small performance areas, and other secret and exposed little sex rooms. There’s varying decor, neon lights, and SO MANY PEOPLE. and OMFG THE PEOPLE I JUST CANNOT. I fell in love with Berlin all over again that night. Okay so for the House of Red Doors: Black Magick, [aka to me as the Witch Party!] and people didn’t dissapoint. Everyone looked like an extra or main character from a really well produced fantasy movie with some fucing geniouses in the costume party. There were men walking around dressed as dapper Satyrs with giant horns erupting flawlessly from the side of their head, women covereed in exotic jewelrry, and makeup sickening tattoos and air of creative tasteful sexiness all around. I fel very underdressed with my satanic harness look.

Me and Florence lose Julio and Julia for a while at the coat check. Me and Florence grab a drink from the bar on the second floor and discover a ladder. Where does this go? To a tiny loft overlooking the bar, there is a couple people smoking a cigarette and a woman getting fingered in the corner. It’s actually really hot to me. I love this place. I tell flo about how i think people making out is always hot whether they’re straight or gay and then basically we started kissing, and it’s like full on proper make out kiss, i’ve pulled Flo into me and i’m grabber her ass and her tits, and playing with her nipples and yeah it was amazing. Dissapointingly despite the passion there was no erection in sight haha. It was excllent. We finished and went down. We ate a slice of pizza, got a picture in the photo booth and we broke my pill into a tiny piece and big piece. she had the former and I had the latter and we went to dance. The tech house dancefloor on the second floor played such good music, i even shazamed a few tracks. These pieces of music were dark and sexy and took you on a fucking journey. In one of the side rooms we see a wax demonstration of this woman pouring candles into her mouth and then her dom pouring the hot wax all over her breasts. We applauded at the end when it ended. Eventually we catch up with julio and julia and we dance some more with them. when my pill kicked in around 3.30 it was really strong and i was kinda down and our for about an hour and a half. Luckily when i stepped out for some freezing air i saw a Satyr walk out of a side door of the courtyard and decided to see where he came from. the door went down into a basement with a cellar brickwork vibe and I discovered the cosy orange neon 80s chillout area. I kept coming back here again and again until it shut at like 5. I had an amazing make out with Julia down here too!

The rest of the evening consisted of drinking and dancing lots and lots with the group and having the fucking time of our lives! The pills ended up being great and i was going nuts on the dance floor. We lost Julia and Julio again and it turned out they had left at about 6. At about 7.30 it was time for me and Flo to leave too, we had really made the most of the party! Imitially I was horny and wanted to go find guys to fuck me, but she was tired and about to drop off and I could’t let her go home alone in that state so when she asked if she could stay over i said yes. There was a gorgeos orange sunrise on the bridge as we cam out to walk to the station. When we finally got home Flo collapesed on my bed and was out like a light. I went to sleep too but had to get up about 5 times to piss. I couldnt believe how much fluid my body had retained while i was drinking on the pill, it was a bit scary actually. Anyway. That was the end of the night of The House of Red Doors.

Honestly It showed me a totally new side of berlin’s nightlife i really hadn’t anticipated. I thought the industrial berghain vibe was the be all end all vibe of berlin’s clubs but holy fuuck i was wrong. there clearly is a bunch of different nights which are portals to paradises all of their own identity and invention. It was also really amazing to meet Flo, I would now definitely consider her a close friend. And Julia and Julio too i’m really glad to know.

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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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First week

MONDAY 26 NOV Jan comes over again and we finalize details of what we want to do with the room. We get bikes and head to the hardware store about 20 minutes away which is next to Berghain. Jan tells me once he came here on a Friday night and the queue was by Hardware store. I couldn’t even see the kilometersish long road that it originated from nearby, let alone Berghain at the far end of it. fuck me.

We have a really nice time walking around the hardware store. I spend 116 EUR on varnish and loads of bits of metal which are going to hold the whole thing in place when it finally goes up. There are lots of hot German guys in the shop. I giggle with Jan about the staff “man: hello there, i’m looking for some chain, LED strip lighting, and steel scaffold for a frame can you help m- ____ Staff: ffs yes, we do. the gay men building slings and dungeons area is over by aisle 12, all you need is there i promise, now go away.”

He buys me a coffee and we part ways about a third of the way home on bikes. after getting home I pop into Blackstyle *finally* which is about 4 minutes walk from my house. My man Bjorn is there and there is no one in the store. I think my story must be a little bit of a thing at that place because he fully knew I was coming!! He told me he had seen my 13 minute long video on facebook explaining my whole story of what I had been up to over the last year! I was amazed cosnidering the guy isnt even on facebook and i dont have his number either. He even knew that I was living on Wicherstrasse which is actually closer than any other member of blackstyle staff!! We were pissing ourselves giggling at how exciting that is- i guess martin had told him (my primary contact there). He advised me on working there- now Blackstyle do not actually hire non german speaking members of staff, but he said basically can you make a portfolio of everything you have made and some drawings of ideas you have had, and send that and your photography stuff to thomas and he’ll help you out with some kind of an interview. Exactly what position you’ll get i’m not sure, but we might be able to find something for you to fit in to.

Other Convos: He knows my friend Liam, and I told him about how under store conditions and regulation there was that sexy time where he couldnt get into jeans and they were super tight and i tried to hep and I just ended up sucking his dick! haha

Pretty much I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with Alis. I really like her. I can tell we’re starting to form a close friendship. spoke to Karyn a little over WhatsApp and showed her pictures of the weekend, she super loved them and we’re all so excited to have her back from her nuts south America traveling trip. I fear writing diary entries about her cos this is all far too qualitative as it is before adding me feeling and thoughts over Karyn and the conversations and adventures we are bound to have.

TUESDAY 27 NOVEMBER

(TODAY) CAN I Have a medal for writing all of that, please??!?!

So this morning I get up and tidy up my room. And at about midday SIMULTANEOUSLY Jan w/ Timmon arrives with all the Timber AND my removals van full of my shit from the UK arrives. The entrance of my building is FULL of wood and boxes ALL for MY room. and omg those stairs are a cunt on the best of days. First, it was just me and Jan, while Timon parked the car, and then it was all three of us working on getting my shit up like 8 flights of big stairs. there are two flights that separate each floor and some of the wood and boxes were seriously fucking heavy. Over the course of the day, I think I climbed the stairs about 11 or 12 times (there were shopping trips included in there too) and my legs are still killing from it, I'm so glad I have cycled so much over the last year or i may have died.

There were three parts of the day, part 1 was getting all the shit in and starting construction.

PART 2 was the BURGERAMPT!! We cycled about ten minutes down the road to the Town Hall of Prenzlauer berg. We went into this old building covered in scaffolding to the burgerampt where we sat for about 15 minutes before being seen. I swear all the old buildings in Germany are massive, the cielings are all about 18 feet high. The meeting was with really sweet blonde woman, who as per my expectation, did not speak very good English, so I was immediately glad that I brought Jan with me to translate. Everything went smoothly, the contact Karyn emailed me was all they needed and my passports. Jan translated everything, at one point the woman asked if I had a religion and I was like no.... aber Berghain ist mein Kirche! and she giggled. She also did a really nice bit at the end which I didn’t understand a word of, but basically, she gave me ein Herzlich Willkommen zu Deutschland.

Part 3- basically we went back and continued to construct the fuck out of room. it’s looking immense now, I am so excited. It’s costing about double what I had planned to invest though and it’s not even near finished yet. there’s still the big desk and the photo studio part to do. The shelves and the first part of the frame for the folding bed are in though. Alis calmed me telling me I have enough to survive for like 5 months until I found a stable job. I was grateful to her for calming me down there.

Just before Jan left around 5 or 6 we had a little bit of well-deserved play time. ;) We had a kiss and a cuddle and then our shirts were off and he was on top of me with my arms stuck behind my back with his cock in my mouth. GRRRRRR. It finished with it being the other way around, I was on top of his chest, jerking off while he sucked my balls, and before I knew it I felt the warm spray of his jizz all up the welcome patch just above my ass crack. He must have been horny cos that was pretty far too shoot- I’m hovering just above his face remember! So yeah that’s it for now. Other notes i need to add is that i’m trying to use all the German I have whenever I can and it’s proving useful here and there. I gave a sentence or two at the burgerampt to the woman and she full on spouted german at me as if I was fluent! :D ....aber vielleicht dass spichtst mehr uber sie dann uber mich. I’m so glad i did lessons and studied all year. I don't have a lot but I have something, and it is FAR better than nothing.

WEDNESDAY 28 NOVEMBER

Jan came around today and basically, we proceeded to almost complete building the whole of the bedframe and shelves in my room. I haven't been sleeping properly since moving so was a bit of a zombie.

despite feeling dead, in the evening Jan persuaded me to head to Schoneberg for my first time since moving to Berlin. I was invited round to dinner with his bf beary Timmon, this sweet Canadian cub guy called Arjhan and this huge daddy called Malcolm and his partner ...who i cant remember the name of :p timmon made a three-course meal of thai flavorings. Notable conversations included a gay bar called Schwartz, what Berlin was like after the wall came down (apparently there were food shortages for ages), and Brexit shit. We went out to Prinzknecht after dinner where it’s happy hour on Wednesday. I had a bit of a moment outside the bar before going in, after all, Prinzknecht is pretty much where this all began 4 years ago. When I came in 2014 for Folsom and the place was PACKED OUT far into the street even, with LeatherMen from all over I was gobsmacked. I thought I was in wonderland. It’s amazing this city is finally my home.

While I was there I made friends with a ginger Irish bloke called Keith who I talked to about various animes for ages. My tummy was feeling rough and I couldn't drink very much, it was icky, I was burping and farting loads. ufff. Anyway, we finished off the night at Woof! for one more drink before heading home. I’d been giving Daddy Malcome eyes all night and finally, he put his hands down my pants to my ass and revealed he wanted to fuck me. Ufff sadly that wasn’t the night for it though. I went home on the U2 subway. I’m glad I have a direct line straight from my house to Schoneberg!

THURSDAY 29 NOVEMBER

In the morning me and Jan headed out to the local flohmarkt to find a beam for my bed (cos i accidentally put my foot through one the day before, eek!) and also a ladder to access the highest shelves of the thing. The flohmarkt was gigantic, I can't remember seeing anything like it in the UK and apparently, this wasn’t even a big one. They sold everything you could need for a house, from doors and beams and pots to fine furniture, and more glassware than I’ve ever seen in my life. There were rows and rows and high shelves of it outside all gathering dust. Jan and I both agreed it was a dangerous place cos you could very easily spend a lot of money on some nice things in there. We found a ladder and a beam and went home and finished the work. With the shelves, complete Jan went home and I had a nap.

THE HOUSE OF RED DOORS [CONSULT SEPARATE POST]

FRIDAY 30TH NOVEMBER 2018

Flo Left at about 1 and I got up about 3.30pm. I can't remember what happened this day so im guessing not much. I definitely needed to recover. My night before was so insane I think i was just telling everyone about that all day. II told Karyna nd Chaim about it and they were pleased. I stayed up late sanding my room and went to bed about 1AM

SATURDAY 1ST DECEMBER 2018

Cleaned the flat with Alis in the morning for the first time. Got to Jan’s about midday to collect a coffee table from him and forgot all about looking for fabric at the Turkish market to cover all my storage with. Me Arjhan and Jan borrowed bikes and checked out the Market. It was great, all pretty self-explanatory, I got black, white and green curtain fabric for like 30EUR. Also bought a new frying pan, some olives and some lemons. When cycling home we rode past the dungeon that me and Michael had spent time in on the most amazng weekend of my life here in 2017, and then straight past Vikotria Luis Platz, which is also another sacred location for me. I had tears in my eyes for sure. my backpack opened the fuck up whle cycling in that moment and i had to move on from that moment. When we got back I enjoyed some tea at Jan’s. He’s leaving on Monday to head back to Amsterdam for the next few weeks. he’ll be back again in late December. I’ll have to varnish the room while he’s away.

Had a stressful time getting the table back on the Ubahn.

Went out with Alis and Aldina this evening. We drove to a shisha bar out east and had a drink and a puff there before heading to Suss War Gestern nearby afterwards. Sweet was yesterday is a three floor club bar, filled with cigarette smoke. It had a techno dancefloor with cool led ceiling light display, a chill top floor and a cheese fun floor in the basement which is where we all spent the whole night dancing on a bench on the side of the wall. I actually didn't have an amazing time for most of the night. There was this nineties raver DJ set that made me lose the will to live. I went to get a drink and eat something and when I came back they had switched to eighties electro pop classic and I was like thank god, cos im about to detonate. it really cheered me up cos so many of those songs were on my Berlin soundtrack and were songs that helped me shape the vision of what I thought moving here would be like. Not 99 luft balloons though. That will emerge at the right point I know it. Aldina and Alis continued on to Kater Blau at about 5am but I was dead and went home. Fucking Ost Kreuz has platforms coming out of platforms and I nearly fudged getting home.

SUNDAY 2 NOVEMBER

The main event of today was the Leather Social in Schonberg. I’ve been to this once before when I was here in may visiting for Michael. It’s a 6 floor flat and this time it was filled with about 20-30 sexy leathermen. Mickael had invited me and I had a really nice time. Mario who I had met at Qaulgeist in April was there and I had a sexy kiss with him and we agreed I need to see the inside of his playroom sometime soon. Oink! The man looks like a dirty sexy older piggy, you know he can do some remarkable things with his hands. the other cutie I got the recon of was a hot beary german skinhead called Stefan, and he’s into bondage and similar activities to me. I met a fashion photographer there called Alex [from birgmingham] and he was telling me about working for Zolando. He gave me his instagram and basically said to message him with any questions. There was this drunk idiot called Simon who wanted to be all dom toppy to me but ended up knocking over my fucking beer (i put the next one on his tab (asshole)) and also he half kicked over a coffee table while throwing me around. Uff I'm getting bored of drunk “dom tops” they just make a fucking mess. Connected with my lovely mate David who was one of the leather friends I was really looking forward to reconnecting with when i got to Berlin. I also Spoke to the host of the party about photography and before i knew it I had a decent iPhone and was coralling people into groups to take photos for the social media.

We all took a short walk to new action later and drunk some more. Prakash, the host said it was funny that i appeared to do photos because in the group meeting they had they were just deciding they needed a photographer to help advance the social. We spoke of magic, and i told the story of how my ex-overdosed at my leaving party and the real magic was that no one else was there to be traumatised or take his bullet. Towards the end of the night, I grabbed the bartender’s attention and said something like “I have just moved to Berlin, and I guess I have always wondered what it would be like to work in one of the leather bars here. soo are you looking for staff?” and he said basically yes, they are always looking for new people and you don't have to speak amazing german.

#dash in berlin #i moved to berlin #berlin is amazing #berlin blog #berlin diary #schonauser alee #burgerampt

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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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First weekend, MISS KOTTI, Neukolln gig und after party! 23.24.25/11/2018

Let me see how much detail I can remember the last 5 days in! My friday night was a blast. I’m in touch with Danny who is a singer, journalist and drag queen from London, who is very intelligent and very insane! I think he’s slightly autistic which makes him a bit strange, but in very fun and usually quite outrageous kind of a way.

Basically, he picked me up in an uber outside my house at about 8.30 and we drove to performance space somewhere in east Berlin to see the final major piece by drag performer and performance artist Olympia Bukkake. It was a really fascinating nad funny piece that used the full amount of massive space- highlights include pouring a gallon of milk onto the floor, telling a story of an australian bloke whose holiday trip when nuts and they killed everyone, also like ther were talkks of use of greek colour which was actually a comment on transgender stuf and idk, other funny stuff i cant remember. It was cool. We hung around in the atrium after the show and spoke to her for a bit. I was really happy to be there, everyone was super cool and SO BERLIN, and nice andeverything looked all industrial which obvs I love. After We left. And went to a bar to have a drink and work out what do next. It’s weird this bar was like stepping back into the 80s. It was like a crappy wooden dive bar pub, with pretty rough looking locals who were actually quite nice, and i suppose the most obvious aspect of the time leap was that the place was filled with ciggarette smoke (cos obvs that’s somehow totally tolerated in berlin) and also it was playing track after track of super naff sounding eighties electro euro trash music.

Anyway, we got a cab to his. He told me of the history of berlin. I forgot it all but made a secret voice recording. His german is prettty alright. When we got in he was performance/dahhhling ranting at the driver ins deutsch and he was like [Dash] “say GENAU!” and we were all like JA GENAU, GENAU, JA JA JA, GENAU JA GENAU GENAU JA JA JA LOLZZZZ.

Other memorable qoutes- we walk into the shop next to his house and the first thing he says is GET TO WORK BITCH!! Shouting at the shop keeper who he’s apparently besties with. “ALEXA, PLAY DANCING QUEEN!” Amusingly the keepers accent isn’t as pronounced as Danny’s and it takes him a while to switch over from abba, which Danny immediatly switches to ALEXA PLAY I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY.

So we go back to Danny’s and actually, he decides to Drag me the FUCK UP. It was supposed to take about half an hour, but 2 hours later me and him finally leave the place. The look I’m serving is Florence + the F machine

So we leave his place and go to the Miss KOTTI pageant. Obviously I’m fucking living life right now because this is my first proper night out in berlin and I’m in drag and it’s a blast. We chat with the door whores, I find my flatmate Alis and she thinks I look amazing. I freak at one point cos im drunk and i thought I lost my phone but turns out i gave it to her. Anyways! I chat with the locals, i have my camera with me, i take FLOODS of pictures. I’m living my best life 100%. Danny is slightly pissed at the winner, she’s a black queen and Danny reckons they only won because of their skin colour, not cos they were the best show. I’m like, meh whatevs, i missed all the acts anyway i was too busy having a ball with everyone, and also sometimes we need to promote diversity and it may not always be in a way that feels that fair. We get a cab back to danny’s and we have a long chat about me and my ex who he knows really well. He tells me that I’m remarkably more fun and three dimensional than he has orginially thought. I guess he only knew me as a photographer in london rather than a person. We have a bath, it’s intimate and sweet, and he’s really into me and despite his sexy cubness i’m not all the way into him. His personality is like, too far out in some ways for me, i guess there’s an air of performance to everything he does and it feels slightly artificial.

We fall asleep in his bunk bed. I think he falls off twice. The guy lives in a fucking closet compared to my opulent palace in the sky. However he does have one big one ever on me....He can walk to Berlin’s one and only church. BERGHAIN. From his house. And he’s only been once! what a dick!!! Anyway.

SATURDAY COMES

I have breakfast with Dan and his fetish female london cool friend Jen who is from south london like me. She’s a blast. I go home.

So I’ve been chatting with my freind Jan recently. He is the hottest Daddy otter in Berlin and I met him at Prinzknecht bar at Easter. He’s really into carpentry basically and he’s been offering to help me out with my room. So he comes over and we’re saying hello and catching up and doing coffee and he’s looking at my room. And he tells me that it’s massive and it’s not normaly to have such a huge room in a location like this with a price like this. 530EUR P/M basically. It seems I was made to be here sometimes. I don’t know if i wrote before but the sensation of walking into this thing the first time I felt like the luckiest guy alive, the spae so big. It really went deep into my heart.......and that wasn’t the only thing that went deep into me ;)

Jan had sat down on one of the chairs in my room. And I sat on his lap. I’m 5″5 and he’s like 6″3 of pure hairy sexy Daddy. Sudddenly we weren’t interested in the room. We were kissing and fondling each others hardening cocks through each other’s blue jeans and yeah it was going really hotly. Then of course I was like....Tie me Up! ... PLEASE :D :D. And so he did. he used my green cotton rope and bizarely he didnt fold it in half and use a bight, he took straight from one end and gradually bound my arms and legs together til I was in a very effective hogtie. I moaned loudly on my bed while he sucked my dick in a way that made me super struggle. He also put his cock in my mouth for a while. ... Yes Head is not the easiest thing when you’re bound so tight. It ended with him riding my incredbly hard cock (despite me being tied) and he shot all over my chest. We joked he had to get home because it was dark and he was gonne leave me there and then i was all like haha fuck you i’ll escape and then he was like prove it and I was like oh yeah i’ll prove it! So truggle struggle struggle and i got my wrists free, and after that point we giggled and he helped get me out. We got back to work with the room and we put together some sketches of measurments, that would basically give me a *fan fair please* fold out bed! With lots of shelving, a huge desk at the back that would hold rubber work as well as my laptop etc and sitting just in front of it would be the photography backdrop that would turn my room into a photographic studio. This fold out bed which I am shitting myself fo will allow my room to be even bigger! Alis Arrives home, I intriduce her to Jan just as he’s out the door. It’s all good. I tell her of my sexy and productive afternoon.

I make my first meal in the house (up til now i did lots of HUEL and take out a couple times) and it is ramen made with instand noodles and broccoli and carrotts and some hotdogs.

We take a S Bahn to i think, like friedrichstein or somehting. It was east. Anyway, The walk is too long so we rent MOBIKEs. Theseare now my daily life saver. We meet Alis’ work friends at the Asian christmas market. It’s actually being hosted in a nightclub with a massive awesomely decorated open air bit. there’s lights in all the trees and we’re drinking gluhwine and having a nice time. There’s two girls, Hanna and Aldina, and two guys- Mitte a turkish guy with a super thin tash and bloke called Tom. They’re all really fun people, we talk about bicycles, berghain and many things. Aldina and Tom reveal to me they’re born and bred berliners. Fuck me Aldina is gorgeous, she looks like Marion Cotilliard.

We head off to classic Kneipe in Neukolln via cab. It’s an old style german pub, and there isn’t a lot of space, we play a lot of table football that evening and I got my ass kicked ten-nil on one of the rounds with play with tom! Dammit! ha. anyway. this amazing band comes on which Aldina is freinds with, they’re like this New Orleans style blues band, and their freedom is so wild. It’s the closest to being on acid without being on acid kinda things. Really cool crazy energy. I pay 4 EUR for a polarod with a stranger called Benjy whose like a film maker. Fuck i need to IG him and be like nice to meet you give me a job doing stills please haha. There’s a thousand photos on my camera from this night! I make a lot of friends, there’s more shots, and christian shows up ands its wonderful

In this moment I am so in love with Berlin. I FUCKING LOVE BERLIN rings over and over in my head. I walk into the street outside the kneipe, and I talk to Berlin directly. I ask if it remembers me, i’ve been here a few times right? I figure it must really like me because this is all going really well so far. I’m so happy. I say to her, so many thank yous, and I say i give you permission to be a total bastard to me just please do not send me home. I have waited so long for this. five minutes later i’m inside talking to everyone and apparently my pupils are massive and im like i’m not n any drugs, i’m iterally so in love with Berlin, and then there is full on tears coming out of my face and I just can’t help myself hahaha. there’s a good group photo of us all from about this moment.... ahhhh so anyway

Turns out there’s an after party. I grab my coat and hoody and run down the street after everyone. I give my camera to one of the girls. Shit i left my hat. Run back. Spend ages looking for it. Alis find it in the avalanche of other coats! LUCK!!! Run outside, sprint down the street and hear my name screamed behind me i run back half a block to find my cab with aldina, will from the band, sara, aldinas mate, leo, and a bloke with long hair called alex in the back. We drive off to a bloke’s place in Neukolln and this flat is full of cool arty people. I get the iphone and start DJing a few tracks, this girl Laura from kazakstahn and looks like a singapore beuty who is voguing and i make friends with her. I make friends with loads of people. I chat to a girl called Victoria who is from venezuela, and she tells me that the fact there is something on every night of the week in berlin is a little bit of a problem cos you just go out and out and out and im like HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM?!?! I think I left at about 5am. Outside the front door I tell Aldina that I danced with a future version of myself to 99 Red Balloons in Brixton, and that I couldnt see the faces of the future people i was dancing with because i hadn’t met them yet, and I really hope that she was one of the faces.

I get a train home and call Dean, and tell him of my adventures so far.

SUNDAY COMES

Okay i can wrap this up pretty quick. I go that girl Laura’s band rehearsal to talk about photography with her. Kinda two hours of my life wasted because it turned out later they didnt have the budget to hire me. The girls were all very talented though and i will send them there rehearsal photos anyway. the experience was fun enough. I left my SD card at home and the guy on the desk had one LUCK. Dont cycle through parks in the dark on a mobike in berlin it is fucking SPOOKY. I stay up late editing all the pictures from the weekends. I think I did take like a thousand or something. My first weekend is over and i fucking hope it all continues the way this started because it was BLASTASTIC. Everyone loved my vogue moves at that party. I felt like a god.

#new in berlin #i moved to berlin #berlin rocks #dash in berlin #berlin afterparty

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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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First whole day! 22Nov

So today I met up with Mickael. He’s my cute Parisian cub friend who teaches rope bondage and is very good at practicing it himself. I walked fifteen minutes to meet him nearby in schonhauser allee where I’m now living. I was walking along the streets to meet him and just thinking.... I can’t believe that these streets are now my streets. There were people cycling along, and waiting for busses and living their totally average day to day lives on this grey gloomy day in november, and I was just stood there wading through the cold totally full of excitement and wonder. I never thought I would feel so ecstatic about a completely uneventful city day in Winter. But I am!! Because I am now a member of what I think is the most awesome city on earth. I brought my camera with me and I was taking pictures of street art (which is everywhere in berling) and also the MASSIVE snaking rail structures and arches that plow down the middle of Schonhauser Allee. We met halfway along our journey down to an area where mickael was having an interview of some kind and we continued walking til we arrived at a cute little cafe that was run by a bunch of Australians. He got some kind of smashed avocado dish and I got something called a Reuben [Royben] which was a toasted sandwich containing pastrami, a pickle, saurkraut, and some other easter europian salt goods and it was fucking delicious. I also scalded my tongue on the tea in one of those cups which is like a glass vacuum design so the heat is distributed really unevenly lulling you into a false sense of security until finally AHHH FUCK MY TONGUEyE Anyway!

He had to leave early because he got his timings mixed up. I skyped mum on the way home and told her about where I was up to so far, and she seemed happy. I think she thought I was on crack when I told her about my vessel plane palace big bang concept....in fact now I’ve put that into words I can probably see why.

Anyhow, in the evening I met up with Alis at a Ramen place nearby and met this really lovely ACTUAL born and bred Berliner man named Christian who I think she’s officially set eyes on. After our conversation last night where she told me the whole history of her current SUPER on and off emotionally confusing and sem unavailable non committing boyfriend, and how I told her that she needs to break THE FUCK up with him, I can guess why she had eyes for the new dude. And tbf, the new dude is awesome. We sat in the restaurant and Christian told us about Berlin! His mum and dad are actually town planners of the city which is NUTS! He spoke of how the Berlin wall collapsing created the vacuum that sucked artists into East Berlin and basically laid the foundation of the insane amazing artistic place that I am now living in today. We came back to the flat and sat down for an hour or two chatting all about the city, and Christian said so many times that he could see Berlin was a place that was right for me, and that I was the kind of person that should be here. And that was really wonderful to hear from a person that was made from the city itsel! I showed them my leaving party pictures on my iPad and then the conversation progressed and they were super interested to see the whole post that started my whole journey. The one that was made on 13 nov 2018 where I asked my friends what they thought if I’d move here in one year. And they went back through and sort of admired, and joked at, and evaluated various comments, and you know what, it was super validating for these people that I have only just met to be so intrigued by my story. I think i have drunk half a mid-sized bottle of Bacardi. Anyhow we all went to bed. And by bed I mean those two had had the hots for each other all night long and wanted to FUUUUUUCKKKKKKK. They plowed it down to 99 luftballoons, Freek! and some other gems from my leaving playlist that was playing super loudly off the speaker in my room through the wall into their room. Meanwhile I was on the phone to my new friend in Leeds called dean and was just chatting about the dramas of the fetish gays, suits splitting, being a professional photographer and also about the possibility of him coming and visiting me in february time. That about sums up my first whole day in berlin. I'm pumped for tomorrow where i'm going to a drag gig to take some photos and get involved with Danny polaris.

#dashinberlin #berlin #berlin blog #i moved to berlin #i love berlin #berlin is amaze #can i have some sex now plz

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dashinberlin · 7 years ago

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The First Day of the Rest of My Life in Berlin

Welcome to my diary. I have been meaning to keep one of these for the whole of my twenties but I never got around to it. I’m currently 26 years old and today was the day that I moved to Berlin. It was a decision i made one year and ten days ago on the 13th of November. IT came about because my dreams and career have been stagnating for a while [4 years] In London and I really wasn’t happy anymore, especially after moving back in with my dad because my previous residence was too full of dogshit and used needles. I got up at about 8 I think. Dean, my ex boyfriend and best friend came over about 9, and we spent the morning sorting out a bunch of my last belongings. It was all very frantic and rushed, but I left the house in a state my dad was relatively pleased with.

We went to the post office first to mail some rubber to my crush in America. It was rubber from my passed away Sir. We were such a scene trying to fix the broken granny trolley full of stuff for dean with parcel tape in front of a busy post office. We got on the tube. It was a nightmare trying to navigate with three things on wheeels and about 5 or 6 back packs or bags. It was really strange and busy the whole things. Given that I had given myself a year to plan all of this, the fantasy-land version of myself had dreamed that everything would have been packed up and put to bed months ago, however the real version of me new I would be a qausi ,but never ever complete disaster as usual. In my head I think of myself as being one on a team of rag tag misfit kits who save the day wearing inventive but destroyed outfits, and brandish effective yet fucking weird and unconventional looking weapons.

So yeah we got to the airport and checked in, nearly burst into tears telling the lady on the desk i’d been planning this day for a year. my mate Bill works at heathrow and he came and joined us at the whetherspoons to see me off. When we’d drank and the time came for us to leave I decided now was the perfect time to record a video with Dean where we read off and performed our list of completely fucking weird and abstract foiles-es-deux language memes from the stickynotes app on my laptop. “blabble fish” “octoboyfriend” “Hatch distress call” and “pacman around the shop” were all memes that we re-enacted for this video. it was LOLZ.

And then the time was upon us. We walked to the gate, and we said goodbye. I pretty much instantly burst into tears telling dean good bye and how much i loved him, whilst holding him. We’ve been joined at the hip seeing each other at least two times a week for four years so it was a bit tough. We said we loved each other and were thankful for the times we had. I gave bill a “come here Bill!” and pulled him close.

Got through security and put my head-phones on. Next song up on my list was Foals- Spanish Sahara. This track is a work of art. It progresses so slowly I had to skip the first minute to be able to skip to the part where you could actually say it was a beginning verse. I walked to my gate (A26) as the song progresses. .... This whole time, the last year I knew was going to be year of closing doors behind me, some shut easy, some shut with the sound of broken hearts bittersweet wishes. When I decided to leave London it was like suddenly my 3d interaction with the city and all the people in it had become a massive one way track labyrinthine palace and at every step where i knew it was the last time i’d be in one place, or talk to one person, I neatly and quietly closed the door of this memory behind me. At first you’re zig zagging all over town shutting doors, but when it gets closer to things like, your leaving party, and your last ten tube rides, and then last time you see people you see every day, and then suddenly you’re listening to Spanish Sahara (a song about abandoning a foresaken place) and you’re looking through airport glass at the plane your about to board and you let out a great big silent scream because the fucking plane door now not only represents final closure of the palace of your life in London, all the hopes, failures dreams, tears, memories, laughs, blood, semen, and ambitions of this place. It staggeringly also carries the weight of being a portal to another dimension. At this point the plane ceases to be a plane, but instead is now a vessel that carries you from your neatly shut-down city of failed dreams, through time and space, to your future in a world that you really don’t know that much about, apart from that there was a big wall that cut it in half, and that it is currently the stunning playground of Gay Angels, Neo Nazi Demons, and all those in between... oh and by the way, they’re all dancing to techno and fucking on the dancefloor.

So I board the plane. I go to my seat I booked, its by a window at the very back. I’m sitting there with tears in my eyes and a woman turns around from the seat in front of me and asks in german if the lighter she has just found on the floor is mine. I tell her no its not, an eventually in german “Dass is nicht mein feuerzoig” and we strike up conversation. I tell her very quickly this is my moving flight to berlin that i’ve been planning on for one , and she’s instantly overwhelmed with compassionate amazement. Her name is Ingrid. She was super sweet to me, and told me numerous times that she had huge respect for me making this gigantic leap, and the guts it took to make it, and how much fun berlin would be, and how so many people never listen to their gut instinct. Over the cours of the flight she tells me over her story, how she lived in Berlin for 10 years, in Schoneberg no less, and how she thought she’d be happier becoming a sister in a convent, and how her dream led her astray, and how it had hurt to leave everything to start again and it not worked out. She explained how she worked in finance for a bit, and then a hospice which was a her true calling in life, and now how she was doing finance work again....and was very unfulfilled. I told her more of my year, how the dogshit needle house and years of london stagnation had made me so anxious sometimes at work I just wanted to sit there and cry and scream at the blank wall in front of my desk. And how something drastic needed to be done. I told her how I lost Michael in Berlin and how is death affected me, nd how I believe in magic and the amazing energy of the universe that will help and guide you if you are good, and you believe, and if you ask nicely and you yearn, and you work hard it will heLP YOU THE FUCK OUT. Ingrid supported all my additions with points of her own, and I think in that moment she new that like me, her life had become derailed from it’s path towards destiny and that it was time to get off of this path of pointlessness and back on one which makes her happy. That vessel. The wormhole to another life. Was a magical place to be. The plane flew over a beautiful wash of white clouds the whole way to Germany, and their textures changed from bright sunshine to darkness very quickly as sunset speed was enhanced by the plane’s cruising speed of threehundredandX MPH. With the ground obscured by smokewaves and light switch of the earth being flicked off so quickly, it was the transition from one path to another was practically audible. It was like the closing palace was actually my universe collapsing into a singular hyper dense singularity, and this new state, one even smaller than an atom was where I was in the vessel in that moment. The changing of the sky and the earth around me was actually the visual signs that my new future was being rotated and recalibrated around me, so that when the door of that fucking plane opened, a new palace and a new universe and a new future would burst out in front of me, sprawling infinitely. The name of that future is Berlin.

The plane lands. I get my bags with Ingrid. We take a selfie, proclaim the importance and sacred of our meeting and we move on. In the cab ride back to my place the driver welcomes me to Berlin and we instantly start talking about the insane nightlife. By the end of the cab ride he has revealed to me that he has always wanted to go to berghain and i give him some ideas of he could look cool and get in. and he is very thankful. He also told me how when he’s having sex he loves speaking in english because he finds it super fucking hot...like seriously, he spoke so emphatically that from what i can tell, english sex is to him what bondage fisting is to me.

I hang about for ten minutes waiting for Alis excited as fuck. When she arrives and opens the foor and screams “welcome to your new chapter!!” she looks slightly concerned at me for second because a few seconds has passed now and I’m so fulll of amazement and awe at those words my mouth was a big jar with a small lid, and filled with big word pickles and none of the eighty word pickeles could come out. . . So I just sort of jumped in the air and screamed a abit. We climbed about 7 flights of stairs up to the flat with my HEAVY Fuckng bags where she let me in and showed me my new room. Which. just. oh. my god. It’s. just. so fucking big. I can’t even believe it. I have the best room in the house! It’s long and tall, you could get about two and a half of my old bedroom in brixton into it easily. Suddenly I was here, The sparks of my new life palace constructing itself in front of me. All I could think was that it seemed so easy in a way. Like I had asked, and yes i did work, and save, and put in love and money and effort, and it just appeared in front me and now I can just go walk over, and pick it up and hold it and it’s mine. MY DREAM IS MINE AND ITS COMING TRUE EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES.

#bLOG #BERLIN LIFE #I MOVED TO BERLIN #MOVING TO BERLIN #ROAD TO BERLIN #I LOVE BERLIN #BERLIN BLOG #LONDON #NEW LIFE #DIARY

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