#also the whole conversation of chapter 131

[aihoshiino]

Professor of Hoshino-Ailogy, might you have some tips on how to write the dear Miss genius idol herself? 🙇‍♀️ Been trying to dabble into writing stuff but her character's got me stuck. Been loving your OnK thoughts so I thought to try shooting an ask if that's ok!

Anon I know this is the joke but I am so genuinely moved at the idea of being considered a Professor Of Hoshino Aiology............ It really is all I was put on this earth to do. I immediately changed my discord name to this LMFAO

So! My recommendation would be to go back to OnK and specifically review episode 1 of the anime, as its take on Ai does a lot to flesh her out in comparison to the equivalent manga chapters. You should also check out Akane's little Pepe Silvia bit on episode 7, both so you can pick up on all that info and so you can point at the screen and go "Wow! She is Literally Me right now." (Anyone else? Just me? OK...)

And while everyone on earth has undoubtedly seen it already, take some time to chew on the Idol MV's imagery - the song as a whole and the MV specifically is basically just Ai's whole arc condensed and abstracted so it's good to look at how Ai is portrayed here and really think about why those choices were made.

After that, read Viewpoint B and 45510 side by side and do your best to put them in conversation with each other. What do these opposing views on Ai have to say about her and her motivations? That kind of thing. I also tentatively recommended reading the first chapter of Spica since it's some of our lengthiest unbroken Ai POV content, with the caveat that Spica doesn't always match up with how the main series talks about and portrays the same events so uh. Feel free to cherrypick what you take from it LOL

The Da Vinci interview and Artificial Girl are also both important in terms of getting a look at "Ai of B-Komachi" and seeing how she operates strictly in work mode. The Da Vinci interview also has some important notes about her history and relationships to certain other characters, so I think it's good to chew on in general!

From there, the most important manga chapters to review imo are 131, 136 and 137. 131 expands on Ai's history with her mom & has information about the abuse she put up with. As I've said before, her formative experiences with abuse and neglect and Ayumi's hands basically run through her entire soul like fault lines, so it's important to get a good understanding of that to start unfucking how it affects her behaviour. 

136 and 137 are also really important in understanding the emotional narrative of Ai's life, even if the literal events they portray obviously need to be taken with a grain of salt. We generally only see Ai of B-Komachi as a beguiling presence but 136 gives us a good look at just how fucking frustrating she would be to try and have a human relationship with and how this mask and Ai's general avoidance and discomfort with serious conversations contributes to her social isolation.

137 is, in my totally biased opinion, one of the best chapters in the entire series and so, so important for understanding Ai. It lays out in plain terms the most important foundational keystone of her entire character: that she was a normal, lonely girl struggling to connect and to find happiness and her desperation was taken advantage of so people could turn her into an object.

I think it's possible to get a good read on Ai just from the prologue arc, the rest of this material is important as reiteration and expansion on her core character. With all of it together, you should start picking up on patterns in her behaviour and drawing connections between her actions and the things that inform them.

If you're still having trouble figuring her out after that, here are some points I think are really important to keep in mind that often go overlooked when it comes to Ai:

Ai is neurodivergent and an abuse survivor

Ai is stated at least twice in the text of Oshi no Ko to have a developmental disorder and I think there's enough evidence in the text to say that she's intended to be read as autistic specifically.

On top of that, Ai's formative years were spent on a home environment where she could not rely on her primary guardians to consistently care for her and she was alternately neglected and violently physically abused, to the point of not feeling safe in her own house at night.

This is important to keep in mind because while Ai is pretty good at masking, her neurodivergence and her history with abuse means that she processes information - particularly social information - in a very different way to a neurotypical person.

Ai does not always lie - and her lies are different than you think

I've said this a million times before and I'll probably say it another million but a lot of the really out of pocket Ai takes you see in OnK fandom generally come from people who go to the extreme of dismissing everything that comes out of Ai's mouth as a lie and thus just completely missing out on a majority of her characterization.

Ai's "lie" is her performance - it's the illusion that "Ai of B-Komachi" is her true self with absolutely nothing else going on in her personal life. It's not a case of making shit up, but leaving things out - obfuscation and omission are the name of the game.

Picking up on when she's being honest Vs telling a lie is just something you end up getting a feel for as you get an understanding of her but generally, if Ai directly and plainly states something and it is not in conflict with things we know to be fact, then it's probably true enough.

This isn't a strict binary obviously and there are plenty of times where Ai says something that is obviously untrue but isn't her consciously lying - rather, like any human being, she has biases that affect her judgement, with her own stemming from her history of abuse and rejection and her poor self image.

The fact that Ai lies is less important than WHY she lies

This is sort of a reiteration of what I said above but where a lot of people get stuck on Ai's external behavior (that she lies) and fail to take dig into underlying motivations that actually cause her to behave that way. I know "this character has motivations" is probably like an insultingly baby mode reminder but I really do see so many people just completely abjectly failing to grasp this that I felt it needed saying lol

Deception is not Ai's end goal. Ai lies not because she wants to trick people but because she's been taught over and over her whole life that it's the only way she can be treated with basic fucking decency, and she has internalized this persistent cruelty as being her own fault. She performs Ai of B-Komachi because there is clearly something wrong with Hoshino Ai.

Even with that in mind, this isn't something Ai wants. As she says herself says in 45510, she wants people to know and accept her as she really is, flaws and impurity and all, and as she demonstrates in both Viewpoint B and chapter 1, she's incredibly quick to start opening up to people who seem to have the potential to accept her, or even just who treat her kindly. She is simply that lonely and that desperate to connect.

I hope this is all helpful, anon! I didn't necessarily want to just point by point how I write Ai just because I think that takes the fun out of things, but this is more or less the process I went through in forming my interpretation of her, and the rest is all things I've just intuited or drawn my own conclusions about from writing her - "oh, if Behaviour X, then Underlying Cause Y", that kind of thing. I hope this gives you a solid base to work on for writing her, tho - and please let me know when you're done so I can read it 👀

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

12/10/2023 – 12/16/2023

Sunday

My idiot brain really thought that the Undead Unluck crew going to the frickin’ sun would last a whole arc, but logically of course it was just a single chapter. But what a chapter it was… Another full circle moment with the anime, with Fuuko shooting Andy and shoving her finger into his head again (aka another thing I wouldn’t have clocked as a callback if I hadn’t seen it happen in the anime a week ago). Change’s design is super fun, and it’s beautiful to see her DNA hair in motion. I never would’ve guessed that she was Change from design alone, but it does make sense with her motif and how genetics and evolution is ever changing. Very cool! And it looks like now we’re heading out to assemble the kiddy brigade and I really can’t wait to see everyone…AND WOW THAT’S JUIZ? I wouldn’t’ve known if the comments hadn’t told me…she looks so cute and young and full of life… I miss her ikemen swag but it does feel heartening to see her so happy.

Another really interesting chapter of Oshi no Ko. The lines between the movie and the past and the present are all blurring, with the actors filling out their roles more realistically but at the cost of their actual realities being affected. But Ruby being able to better reach Ai because of this pain is what really gets to me…

Dandadan 131: Serpo’s deadpan humor is really entertaining, and it’s a good fit for the similarly deadpan policeman. But before that, THE OKARUN/MOMO FALL AHHHHHHH so cute… Ah, another student character is about to be added to the roster, huh? And it looks like he’ll be the delinquent type… I feel like the cast is getting ever so slightly bloated, but it does feel almost like Undead Unluck with how all the boys and girls are getting paired up (Okarun/Momo, Kinta/Vamola ((they haven’t really pushed Jiji/Aira much at all, but I would like to see it…two people getting together after being spurred by their initial romantic interests is a trope I enjoy…))) and now maybe Rin/this delinquent guy? Oh I see, honor student/delinquent, yeah I can get behind that. Beyond that, though, I really want to see some actual romantic developments instead of just being embarrassed around each other and then getting thrown into battles and then waffling around some more.

Magilumiere 94: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ONNNNNNNN I feel like I’ve been reading this manga for like months and it’s all been pretty straightforward, just girls doing their best in their careers and not any romance to be seen, and suddenly I’m positively Blasted with BL energy and it’s driving me insane?? First off, HOST MIDORIKAWA…no wonder he’s such a people person, and also a little nebulous with his morals and identity… I went back to check but GOD if only we could see the old piercing holes in his ears, that’d be so… Okay and then SHIGEMOTO SHOWING UP TO A MALE HOST CLUB AND ASKING FOR MIDORIKAWA SPECIFICALLY?????? SOPPING WET AND NEWLY UNEMPLOYED AND DEPRESSED AND LOOKING FOR COMPANY???????? WHAT IN THE BL PLOTLINE… SHIGEMOTO CRYING???? OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD AND THAT’S WHY SHIGEMOTO WEARS DRESSES????????? THIS SHIP GOES DEEPER THAN I COULD’VE EVER IMAGINED MY MIND IS EXPLODING I don’t know why I never considered them a ship before Midorikawa’s betrayal… I guess they just never had any meaningful scenes together or chemistry but this is all hitting me like a truck on the freeway jesus CHRIST.

The new One Piece chapter was fun. Seeing young Luffy is cute, and I’m glad Bonney has finally been set free to make her mark on the world. I’m really hoping that she and Kuma can be truly reunited…

Wowwww okay this was a really good SpyFam chapter. First, we get a genuine conversation about empathy and how everyone’s needs differ for valid reasons. I like that this was also a conduit for some insight into Millie, which was unexpected. Yor’s co-workers may have been generic mean girls at first, but it’s nice to see them slowly coming around to Yor and becoming her actual friends. And then this confrontation between Melinda and Millie is also incredibly compelling… I was half-expecting a reveal at the end about how Melinda actually feels about her husband’s involvement in the war, but it seems that, for now, her only secret is her ambiguous feelings towards Damien. It’s great to see her again, though, and right now she’s the character I want to learn about the most.

Cipher Academy is good…today was a great feast for the Yosaimura girlies and the Yosaimura/Anonymous girlies, of which I’m both (slightly). The morg lore was interesting, and the way Yosaimura won the game was fun. I like that the ‘black’ sides of the coins were just marked with ink/blood.

Monday

I managed to read the latest chapter of Sleeping Dead before passing out – I’ve been enjoying this manga, but it hasn’t really grabbed me like some of Asada’s other work. I just don’t see the chemistry between the two leads, I suppose, but this chapter did do a good job in trying to rectify that. And by that I mean the sex scene was really good. I loved the realistic awkwardness and fumbling and Mamiya’s hang-ups getting in the way, but then Sada pulling him in closer… I’m starting to see the vision.

Tuesday

Finally got around to watching the new Make Some Noise episode. It was cute, but none of the songs really stood out to me like the first Karaoke Night episode did. I’d say the highlights were Zach’s Horsegirl song (the lyricism was crazy) and the birthday minigame – it really showed how these people have great improv chops even when they don’t have to sing.

I followed that up with the new Dirty Laundry episode, and I think this one is my favourite of the season. Every story felt like a wild ride, we got like three plot twists, and the energy with the cast was fun but not overwhelming. (Shoutout to Desmond, who’s definitely MVP of the episode for me).

Wednesday

Ah

Thursday

I read the latest chapters of Akuheki, and it’s getting really good… The timeskip was a bit jarring, but I can see what they were trying to go for – I wish I could’ve seen more of Daimon’s angst after Kojima left him, but I get that they wanted to establish the Daimon and Sudou relationship quickly to get to the reveal. And oh boy, the reveal. The revelation scene was just pitch perfect, I love the visual metaphors they used (all the green lights signalling the path that’s been laid out for Daimon), the reveal that every little thing was part of this grand plan… I like Sudou’s writing, too. She has dimension and understandable motivations – oftentimes you see the “female potential homewrecker” only focus on the man she wants to ensnare, but with Sudou, we’ve seen her interacting with both Daimon and Kojima, and the two different dynamics have been compelling and revealing… She feels like her own person trying to navigate this messy relationship to her own benefit, rather than just a narrative tool to introduce conflict to the main couple’s romance. I’m really looking forward to seeing how this series ends.

Friday

Hung out with my friend and watched an episode of House today. It was wholly unremarkable except for the insane twist at the end that the patient was a cannibal serial killer, so at least we got a laugh out of that.

Saturday

I had a dream about Succession the other day, so I decided to rewatch season 4 episode 8 just to feel something. I love this episode because I think it has a healthy dose of what Succession does best, which is utter chaos. I love watching the ever shifting power dynamics, where one conversation can upend a situation entirely. Here we have Roman unashamedly revelling in his growing power on the right, Shiv desperately trying to make her own moves under her brothers’ noses and using righteousness and morality as a cover on the left, and Kendall caught in the middle as he struggles to commit to a side because either way, he’s going to lose something (his company or his family/conscience). And if that wasn’t already enough, then there’s Tom trying to keep the whole of America together by a thread and having his assistant snort cocaine off his hand (I’ll never get over this), Connor reconciling with his failing presidential campaign, and Greg running around trying to keep Tom happy (heh).

There were so many amazing scenes in this episode… As mentioned earlier, the TomGreg cocaine thing made me scream out loud when I first watched it – their closeness throughout this episode was just so cute, especially when Greg was all gun-ho about burning Shiv. But I love how that whispered conversation set the stage for the gut-wrenching turn later on… Kendall insisting to Rava and Sophie that he does the things he does for his family’s sake was chillingly reminiscent of Logan… And then the scene where Shiv tells Tom that she’s pregnant makes me want to die…tfw playing power and mind games with every relationship in your life ruins any chance you have at ever honestly communicating or emotionally connecting with anyone ever again!! Because they’ll always suspect that it’s some sort of manipulative play!! And it doesn’t help that 99.9% of the time, it is! What a lovely family. Sarah Snook’s acting in this scene is just divine. The incident with the burnt ballots was such a good illustration of how poisoned our news channels have become – in this age where information is king, any story can be spun to fit someone’s agenda, and actual truths are less important than belief in a convincing enough lie. Every day, it feels like things are just getting more dire…but I digress.

I find Shiv’s conversation with Greg to be particularly fascinating and hilarious – it’s the first time we’ve seen them talk one on one since like season 1, and you can really tell Shiv barely even considers Greg human with how little she pays attention to him (otherwise she would’ve clocked the TomGreg homoeroticism by now). She pulls out these cringe worthy exaggerated threats on him, still believing Greg to be the same scared fish out of water that he was at the beginning of the show, but Greg has probably grown the most out of anyone in this cast, and schoolyard level threats don’t scare him anymore. He offers her a chance to even out the deal – what can she give him in return? But of course, Shiv dismisses this outright and thinks she can intimidate him into compliance. It’s so funny watching Greg’s facials expressions in this scene, because he’s quite obviously not that scared, and perhaps even a little amused or annoyed by Shiv still treating him like someone who’s not worth negotiating with. And the way this scene continues to set up the climactic scene later is so delicious…

And then the conversation between Kendall and Shiv is just so heartbreaking… Kendall’s being genuinely vulnerable about his fears and seems to be on the verge of grasping the gravity of their generational trauma, but Shiv’s ambitions get in the way of any meaningful connection… Realizing that she was faking the phone call to Nate when I first watched the episode made me absolutely sick to my stomach, and it’s no different on repeat viewings.

The thing about Shiv is that she has this chip on her shoulder about being better than all the men around her, (with the implication being that the only reason she hasn’t succeeded is because of sexism) but she really doesn’t have any people skills at all… Logan, Roman, and even awkward bumbling Kendall have some semblance of charisma that allows them to leverage friendships to their advantage, but the one time we see Shiv try to convince her friend (Lisa Arthur) to do a favour for her, she gets shut down right away. Perhaps due to her upbringing and her position in a male-dominated environment, Shiv never drops her guard for fear of seeming weak, but this also means that she can’t form strong emotional connections with anyone. Much like her namesake, Shiv has been sharpened by the ruthless world she lives in, and in turn her cutthroat nature has forced her to be completely alone…

The scene where Shiv’s deception gets found out is gut-wrenching, but also gratifying as we watch Greg finally get his revenge (with a devious smirk through the glass as he walks away). And honestly, I don’t know why Shiv ever thought this would work, but I suppose it was a last-ditch effort…but with how it was so easily dispelled, and how it led to the rest of Shiv’s secrets being brought out into the open, it really was the worst move she could’ve made. And then, as Jeremy Strong put it in an interview, the toxicity of the family seeps into the groundwater from which we all drink and a sister lying to a brother leads to a fascist being elected to office… But being able to watch the chain reaction is what makes Succession so compelling, and it’s why it’s my favourite TV show of all time.

Undead Unluck is so good… The trailer for the second half of the cour dropped and why did I tear up while watching it… The upcoming opening and ending songs both sound like bangers… Even though this was a set-up heavy episode, the inventive directing and compositions kept things interesting. Tatianna is soooooo cute her seiyuu is soooo cute and her getting giggly about Fuuko and Andy’s romance is sooooooo cute. Fuuko and Andy look amazing in formal wear, of course, and the vibes of the dimly lit room they were chilling in were so cool… (Once again, don’t expect much intelligent commentary from me because when this show is good, it’s so good that I forget how to say words) It’s great seeing Fuuko and Andy have a few genuine heart to heart moments too…their slowly progressing romance is really believable and satisfying. And then??? Surprise Rip and Feng Chinese moments????? I completely forgot about this LOL but yeah I loved seeing all the Chinese in the manga, and it’s fun seeing it in the anime too. Rip’s Chinese was meh, but Feng’s was surprisingly on point… I had to Google around about his seiyuu to see if he actually knew Chinese, but it doesn’t seem like it. I’ll have to hear more from him. ALSO SHEN THROWING A TANTRUM ABOUT WANTING TO GO ON THE MISSION WAS SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE MWAH

SpyFam was alright…pretty weird, but alright… At least I could tell they had fun animating Becky and her fanciful movements, even if the story is kind of stupid. The sequence of Yor rushing Becky to the hospital was pretty funny, though. And then this being paired with Fiona’s story was…certainly a choice. I get tht they were going for the thematic similarities but to me, all it did was highlight how Endo heavily relies on this basic kind of “woman/girl likes Loid and he’s oblivious to it for various reasons” trope for comedy writing. Oh well, at least they got to reuse a lot of footage and still panning shots for Fiona’s little montage.

[another-bnha-blog]

I swear, that scene of All Might and Izuku in episode 11 I'm still not over it, like was so cute and heartwarming I almost teared up... It  was like10000 more emotional than in the manga, that epic soundtrack,and also when they showed Nana...

Also that proud gaze Toshi gave Izuku like saying "you have the heart of a hero my boy and I wouldn't have a better succesor"

And Izuku hearing that with wide eyes like, you can see the surprise in  his eyes that HIS HERO that man he looks up to much is saying those words to him, like despite he failed in show the world he was going to be the next symbolof peace, All Might is still saying that he is worthy and that he is proud andall Izuku can say is “I’m sorry’’ and sjgjngjfgnv

If Bones managed to do that scene so emotional, I can't even imagine how will be if they ever animate chapter 131 or chapter 95 like oh boy must prepare my tissues,  I will break down of happiness and die of father/son fluff :')

[shreddedleopard]

Thoughts on chapter 137, and why it makes complete sense and cements the themes and lessons of Attack on Titan.

I have so many thoughts, I just want to word vomit them out at a million miles an hour, but I’ll try to do this in some sort of order and not my usual chaotic mess.

Attack on Titan is about family and belonging, and THIS is the dream that Ymir was drunk on. This is ‘that scenery.’

Ymir, the founder, just wants to belong somewhere. With someone. She wants to be loved and valued as a person, not as a slave; not as someone who merely fulfils a role. In the latest chapter, Zeke explains how he failed to understand her, but Eren did.

Look at Eren’s words to Ymir in this moment, several chapters earlier:

All Ymir has ever wanted is to be held. To be loved like a person. To feel that connection because of who she is, not the role she fulfils.

Eren understands this, in contrast to Zeke, who once again tries to impose her role upon her:

Ymir has been hanging around in paths all this time, unable to fully die and let her consciousness pass on to the next world, because she needs to find this thing that she’s been searching for since the start of the story.

It’s not just about romantic love. It’s about connection. That sense of being understood and belonging with someone else, whether that be romantically, platonically, as family ... we keep seeing the same theme brought up throughout the entire manga.

Who else is a character that constantly searches for the same thing? Mikasa.

She has so many parallels and yet also opposites with Ymir. Ymir is told she is a slave, she obeys the king, that is her role. And she accepts it. Because she believes that it’s the only way to find happiness; to find this belonging she’s been craving. However, unlike Ymir, who does not truly love the king, I believe that Mikasa does truly love Eren - what form that takes doesn’t necessarily matter to me at this point. It’s just about connection.

Whether Eren feels the same, tragically for him, doesn’t matter. Because Eren knows he is destined to be the one to end the cycle of hatred and free Ymir. And that will ultimately cost him his life. That is why, when Zeke asks him what he will do about Mikas’s affections - which have nothing to do with her bloodline and everything to do with him - Eren cannot answer. That choice has sadly been taken from him.

When Eren asks Mikasa what she is to him, I think he genuinely wants to know at that point. I think he cares about her so deeply and wants to know she feels the same way, and it’s not just about him being ‘her saviour’. But as we’ve seen before, Eren cannot afford to stop for too long and dwell in the moment, because he must push on towards freedom - the freedom of Ymir and the Eldian people from the curse of the Titans.

This brings his conversation around the table with Armin, Mikasa and Gabi into a whole new light. Eren insults his friends in an attempt to push them away from him - because he knows he won’t be around to live that ‘long, happy life’ with them. So instead, he wants to push them to confront their feelings in the arms of others. He pushes Armin to really consider what Annie means to him, and for Mikasa, I believe that Eren intends her to perhaps look towards Jean, who is truly willing to give her the love she has always sought from Eren. Because again, so tragically, Eren will not be around to provide that for her - regardless of whether it’s something he wants or not. His own wishes no longer matter on the path he has been set upon.

Back to Ymir. Eren tells her, he will put an end to this world:

He doesn’t mean the human world; the living world. He means the world of paths, where Ymir is trapped, unable to let go of the souls of dead Eldians, because she’s still searching for that connection she craves so much. Her paths world is an attempt to quell that feeling of loneliness she’s been plagued with, but ironically, she’s more lonely than ever, stuck there, serving the bloodline she’s created from a place of misery and duty, rather than love.

The rumbling and the destruction of Marley is a very tragic consequence of what Eren has to do to put an end to the curse of the Titans. He’s searched for another way to no avail; we’ve seen his remorse when he apologises to Halil or Ramsey in chapter 131:

I think the anger and devastation that’s unleashed in the rumbling, is a result of the hurt and mistreatment both Eren and Ymir have felt at points in their lives.

Eren understands that to destroy the paths realm, first this devastation is necessary, because he’s seen it in his future memories, despite the conflicting feelings it’s evoked from him - he doesn’t really want to destroy humanity outside of the walls, but his own future is telling him that he must and he will. But it’s not Eren’s emotions that drive this initial destruction - it is Ymir’s. These emotions are no different in nature than the ones that Eren felt in response to Armin’s childhood bullies - that sense of unfairness and need to lash out at oppressors - but tragically, unlike Eren who in that moment of intense, irrational emotion had only his fists to vent and release, Ymir is in possession of one of the most terrible and destructive weapons there is - hordes of colossal Titans. And in that moment where Eren finally gives her that validation she has been searching for, and allows her that feeling of release from the duty she’s felt she needed to fulfil for thousands of years, Ymir releases that frustration and anger too and sends them walking.

This theme of the oppressor and oppressed switching places in an endless cycle of revenge and stealing from others what has been stolen from you is a theme that we see repeated throughout not only the AOT manga, but also soundtrack and additional content too.

Eren was right that it would be Armin that saves humanity - because Armin is the one that makes the connection in paths - he understands what is being shown to him with the leaf - and tragically, it actually highlights how, even up until the very end, Eren and Armin knew each other very well. Eren trusted Armin to make sense of what he’s had to do - even if it’s only Ymir that he understands, because while Eren is the one to give Ymir her freedom and unleash this terrible devastation, Armin is the one who must stop it.

But how does this idea of family and connection tie in to the rest of the events in the chapter, and wider manga, and what’s up with Historia’s pregnancy? And how is paths going to be destroyed, if the rumbling has been stopped and Ymir is free, but the Titans are still around?

This is where the rest of our cast fit in - namely Zeke, Levi, Historia and Reiner. If my theory is correct.

Eren gave Ymir the validation she needed and that sense of connection, freeing her from her role, and this bought that final bit of time needed for Historia to give birth to her child. Why is Historia’s child important? Because it is the ‘new dawn’ we’ve seen foreshadowed repeatedly throughout the series. The birth of a new history. And this comes in the form of a new bloodline, no longer infected with ‘parasite’ of the founding Titan.

Unlike Ymir’s bloodline, which stemmed from a place of duty and slavery - as she was ordered by the king to take ‘his seed’, and carried the parasite of the creature that bound to her within the depths of the tree, creating the paths realm and an almost purgatory type space free of death or heaven or earth or anything, Historia’s bloodline will be ‘cleaned’ because of the genes of the child’s father. And not only this, it will be born out of a moment of love and connection, rather than duty. This new combination will make it impossible for a child of the royal bloodline to become a Titan. There will be no coordinate - no link for Ymir from her paths realm to the living world, because the last link to her bloodline - a Titan with royal blood - will no longer exist.

This really brings home the gravity of the moment where Levi cuts Zeke down - he’s the last of the royal Titans, but the reader knows Historia’s baby is about to be born - will they inherit the Titan, and the cycle will re-start?

They will not. The cycle will be broken with them, because - and here’s where it gets wild - Historia’s child is not a Fritz, or a Reiss - they are an Ackerman. They physically cannot turn.

Why does all this fit in symbolically? Let me draw your attention to the genre of Seikaikei.

Attack on Titan uses this idea with our two Ackermans.

We have both endings. Eren and Mikasa, our bittersweet ending, where Eren ultimately chooses the fate of humanity over his relationships with Mikasa and Armin, and Levi, who, in a moment of selfishness, allows himself to put aside his role for a night - probably at the railroad banquet, where he was supposed to be making sure the likes of Eren and Yelena were kept apart - and indulges in this connection that he’s formed with Historia. You can read my 10 reasons post if you want to for why the heck I would think these two would form a deep bond - it’s all there in the Uprising Arc. They have been the same as Ymir - yearning for a sense of love and connection, but bound by roles neither of them asked for or particularly wanted - reluctant heroes comes to mind. Remember how freckled Ymir’s parting wish was for Historia to live for herself?

The result is an accidental pregnancy which, ironically enough, is what is going to annihilate the curse of the Titans and save the world. How poetic that the Titans will not be ‘driven out’ by hate, violence, and destruction, but instead by love, connection and new life.

Remember Kenny and Uri’s miracle?

Kenny and Uri’s chapter, ‘Friends’, was exactly halfway back into the manga. History moves in repeating cycles in AOT, and we see things change slightly each time, on this journey to freedom. At this point, the Ackermans and royals were one step away from where they needed to get to in order to build this paradise - and Levi and Historia complete the cycle by becoming ‘lovers,’ tragically, the thing that Eren and Mikasa could not become, because Eren had to undertake the rumbling and be the one to free Ymir from her sorrow and loneliness. She can make the choice now - will she fight to be reborn as Historia’s child - fight for dominance with the Ackerman bloodline - or will she concede, finally laid to rest because the cycle has been broken by two people that love one another, just like the couple Ymir saw long ago and wished for.

Remember how Eren asked Zeke whether the ackermans act the way they do from a place of duty or genuine feelings? He needed to check it was the real deal that would break the curse, and finally lay Ymir to rest peacefully, after 2,000 years of hatred and searching. She will see that her descendant, Historia, finally has what she always dreamed of. That idea of dreams pushing us onwards - Ymir’s dream is realised through Historia and Levi.

As for the parasite itself? I believe Reiner will be the one to lock it in a Crystal prison with himself, deep underground.

A new dawn will come, and a new world will be built from the ashes of the old.

[aspoonofsugar]

Well, since this is very relevant.

Could we have a post about how Mikasa and Ymir foil each other?

This discourse has been pretty common recently that attack on titan's last chapter conveys the message that be selfish and you will be happy. Mostly, they mean that the most selfless person mikasa ended up losing her most precious one and has been alone for 3 years while historia one of the most selfish people saved herself and allowed eren to murder so many people. She didn't inform any of her friends who could have stopped eren. For her silence about genocide she is rewarded with happiness, a family and some real power on the island. I can't help but agree that while eren was killed for his selfishness, historia was rewarded for her selfishness.

Hello anons,

About Mikasa and Ymir, I like @midnight-in-town’s take here.

In general, I would say Historia, Mikasa and Ymir all touch on the idea of selfishness and selflessness.

What is more, Ymir herself is not really a fleshed out character, but more of a thematic/plot device that works well for the theme, but lacks any real psychology or depth.

In short, Ymir is compared to Historia many times throughout the story, but in the end she finds her salvation in Mikasa.

Why is that so?

It has to do with the theme of selflessness and selfishness and how it plays with the idea of “self”.

Ymir is thought by others to be selfless. This is how Historia’s book describes her and Historia is even told to be like her. Her background seems to confirm this since we are shown she is a slave and a scapegoat. Morevoer, she stays as a slave throughout all her life and is one even in death.

However, as the story goes on some cracks start to be shown in this narrative. In the end, Ymir was the one who fred the pigs and in the last chapter we discover she was actually in love with King Fritz. This explains why she sacrificed her life to save him and how she tried to escape him through dying. At the same time, it means that Ymir was actually pretty selfish.

In the end, if Ymir were less focused on her personal feelings for one individual, then a lot of tragedies could have been avoided.

In other words, Ymir is presented as selfless, but she is deep down incredibly selfish. She is the same as Christa Lenz, who acts selflessly, but for selfish reasons. Christa’s persona actually contrasts Historia, who is selfish, but can act selflessly in a more genuine way.

Why is that so?

It is because selfishness is born from a very frail sense of self. This is why in snk selfish characters are actually all revealed to be “children” inside. This is the case for Eren, for example, and this might also be why symbolically Ymir is still a child in the paths. They are all characters who are struggling with their selves. They are characters who can’t stand on their own two feet. This is why Historia’s self-affirmation in the Uprising Arc leads her to become a good queen and to help others more effectively than her superficial and self-centered attempts as Christa Lenz.

It is because only if you have a solid enough self you can act selflessly, even if it is harsh. This is why Mikasa killing Eren, which is a big sacrifice is not conveyed as a negation of the self, but as an affirmation of it.

This is also why Historia’s big selfish act in the finale arc (to protect herself and to sacrifice the world) is actually a negation of the self. I am quoting from the meta linked above:

The point of Historia’s arc was not to become a selfish girl, who would sacrifice others for her sake. The point of her arc was to live not for others, but for herself. She had to become proud of who she was. This is why since the cave she has been trying to live pridefully. However, here Eren is using the words, which were symbolic of her change, to ask her to fulfill another role for him. Eren wants Historia to be a “bad girl”, but this is not qualitatively different from being a “good girl”. It is just a different adjective and a different role, but it is still a role. It is still not what Historia wants. Historia does not want a genocide, but she seems to be giving in to the fear for her future and to the feelings Eren’s words provoke in her.

Historia giving in to Eren’s request is actually her negating herself. It is her going against her promise to Ymir. She had promised to Ymir she would have lived with pride. However, here she is giving up on pride and accepting another role (the role of bad girl) becauseEren is asking her. This is why she is totally unable to affect things in the finale arc and this is why she is instead shown miserable throughout it.

Historia and Eren’s conversation can be compared with Mikasa and Eren’s one in chapter 138 instead. Let’s highlight that Mikasa does not kill Eren because he asks her too. Moreover, she actually refuses Eren’s request to forget about him. Mikasa’s answer to Eren is literally a “No”. In contrast, Historia’s answer to Eren is a heartbroken “Yes”.

So, Mikasa frees Ymir because she shows Ymir she can love, but also be her own person. And once Ymir is shown this she is able to finally affirm herself (ending the curse) through acting selflessly (freeing everyone).

Imo Mikasa and Historia’s ending in chapter 139 are seen out of context. Mikasa’s ending is not a bad one and Historia’s not a happy one.

Mikasa acted selflessly in the final arc and this is why she is given time for herself after the battle. Armin covers for her, so she can grieve in peace. She is outside the public life and can live peacefully as she has always wanted. She has literally no responsibilities to fulfill because she has already given enough. With time, she will overcome grief and will be able to start a new life free.

Historia acted selfishly in the final arc and this is why she has to help more in the aftermath. She must be one of the architects of the new world. She must protect her family, her friends (among whom Mikasa herself) and their loved ones. She has a lot on her shoulders. Luckily, the fact that she is not stuck in a horrible conundrum anymore means she has time to heal and to go back to who she had become in the cave. She can find herself once again and help people with her power.

In short, many takes of Historia getting everything and Mikasa getting nothing seem to me as if people are forcing their ideas of everything and nothing on the characters. Historia still being the Queen and having some kind of power does not matter because Historia has never wanted to be Queen to begin with. Similarly, Mikasa not being recognized as a hero does not matter because Mikasa does not want that anyway. She wants time to heal and to live peacefully.

Is this reading I am offering perfect? Not at all because I personally think Historia’s plot-line was not handled well.

This ask I have received explains why:

I think Eren’s character holds very well even after the final chapter but there’s one thing i’m not able to reconcile and that is his goal.

Eren tells Armin that he wanted them to stop him and become heroes. And also to end the titan curse. Armin says that that’s the future he saw at the medal ceremony so it seems like Eren’s had this plan since before the timeskip.

Basically Eren never intended to kill ALL of his enemies.

But so then, in his POV chapters (130 and 131), in his monologues and in his conversation with Historia, he talks about having to kill everyone and about the cycle of violence.

Doesn’t make sense why he would do that and to also not just tell Historia his actual plan of ending the titan curse and making the Alliance heroes.

Hope you can make sense of this because i don’t think Isayama would have such a major contradiction or a retcon after only 8 chapters.

First of all, to the anon’s actual question. Eren still kills 80% of humanity. It is still a genocide and he explains that it is still this genocide that makes an immediate retaliation impossible. In short, him killing 80% of humanity instead than all humanity does not change much in relation to the scenes you talked about.

It is still a genocide a part of Eren wants to do, as he himself explains. He still believes the cycle of violence will never end. So there is no contradiction here. Moreover, Eren saw a future he thought as unavoiable, so it is not that he had a plan. He simply acted to arrive to the ending he saw and adapted his own ideology and wishes to it. In general, I like this anon’s thoughts on him.

What I think is convoluted and also illogical is the way he approaches the topic with Historia. As you say anon, he could have told her the truth. Making her believe he is going to kill all of humanity and to manipulate her memories is needlessly cruel. Moreover, it does not make sense to be honest. This happens because Isayama could not reveal the ending too soon. However, I think the whole matter should have been handled better.

Thank you for the asks anons and I hope this helped!

[tsukidrama]

so glad i’ve found other people who agree annie is a lesbian, it’s been a headcanon of mine since i started the show and finding out she ends up with a man (nevertheless one of my least favourite characters) is very upsetting

...except they don't. there's literally no evidence that a romantic relationship between them is canon. i don't understand why people seem to assume this. because she's looking at him? because she's talking to him? if that's all it takes to "get together" with someone then i guess i've been cheating on my wife for a while now (sarcasm, if you couldn't tell). don't try and drag me into the delusion lads.

this post has been a long time coming, and i know it's salty as fuck. but i've never voiced these opinions before and i've gotten an increasing number of asks concerning my opinion of Annie and a certain popular ship involving her.

so... if you ship Annie with Armin, this is your warning: you're not gonna like what i have to say and you should keep scrolling. if you choose to read anyway and get mad then don't argue on my post or i'll block you.

first and foremost: i agree with you all the way. that ship is sacrilege beyond words, and armin is also my least favorite character. by a lot honestly, but everyone always wants to talk about him like he's wittle uwu baby so i just keep my mouth shut most of the time. but i could make a whole post about it. he does some really dark shit, and especially post-Shiganshina.

i've never liked him but my hate solidified and festered during the scene where Armin tells Bertholdt and Reiner that Annie is awake and being tortured (lies, but still). how can you watch him graphically describe her suffering with a grin and then turn around and be like like "well he's just so gentle and sweet to her" ...lmao are y'all good? get help.

aight now i'm gonna talk about the scene in 131. at the time of its release it was the harbinger of my misery and the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

but it always felt kind of off to me. he's so distracted, and much less empathetic than usual. which is ?? seeing as anyone who is into Annie would know that she rarely opens up like that. until 139 i thought i was in denial and just looking for things to pick apart, but then we got the reveal that this conversation took place directly after Armin talked to Eren for the last time.

and it makes the scene feel different. go back and read the 131 scene after you read the one in 139. Eren's words are too fresh in his mind for Armin to even focus, and you'll see how much his conversation with Annie has to do with him coming to terms with Eren's death.

"I still want to believe there's a world we don't know about yet out there beyond the walls."

it says a lot to me that Armin's face while talking to Annie looks the way it does, meanwhile just minutes ago he was looking at Eren like this with stars in his eyes:

this turned more pro-eremin than i meant for it to but regardless of the nature of that relationship, it's canon that Eren is more important to Armin in every capacity. from the way he looks at him, to the way he speaks to him.

we've seen how Isayama addresses canon relationships. attack on titan is one of those shows that has very, very few romantic relationships. and the ones that are canon, are pretty fuckin explicitly stated.

like sorry but "i did it because i wanted to see you" doesn't even come close to "marry me when all of this is over" or "i'll wrap [the scarf] around you as many times as you want"

i'm not putting the screenshots or i may vomit but i suppose it's understandable why people interpreted the blushing in a flirty way. but the fact that they DON'T get together by the end of the series combined with the fact that he's thinking about Eren the whole time during the "confession scene" leads me to think uh, not so much.

and even with the blushing shit. there's that one scene in chapter 108, on the railroad car where they're all arguing about who will inherit the attack titan and everyone was blushing because they loved each other. yet i don't see anyone jumping to say that all the 104th graduates were in a 6-way romantic relationship.

people are allowed to have love for their friends, and Annie does like him. first he told her that she could have agency by choosing to be a good person, and he did talk to her in the crystal. later they bond over feeling like they were forced to become monsters. they have the same shared trauma that all the titan shifters have.

i've been watching attack on titan for a very long time, and in all my years when the question "is Annie a lesbian?" has been posed, everybody who has met a gay person in real life has said "um, duh."

my point: it's out of character for Annie to date a man. it really is, and we all know it. she and Armin are both gay as fuck and that's why they're close. in my opinion/experience anyone that thinks otherwise is either heteronormative at best and homophobic at worst.

other than having really bad taste, over the years i've noticed that everyone who ships aruani can fit into one of the following categories: 1) thinks Ymir and Historia are "close friends" 2) painfully heterosexual OR 3) unable to accept the fact that they're gay and backed so far into the closet that it's actually sad.

and to respond to the point of this ask! which is that if you think Annie is a lesbian then you're in the right place. i adore that woman and i definitely have a lot planned for her with my writing ♡♡♡

[mikanyuzu-26]

Is Chapter 139 of Attack on Titan being messed up deliberately?

*Views are my own. I barely post anything on social media but I feel the need to express my thoughts as a long-term AOT fan.

You need to be a genius in getting everything wrong. As a reader who has been following the series for 8 years, the frustration and disappointment the recent chapters brought me are beyond words. The series Attack on Titan has long been known for its well written plotline, with pieces of hints eventually leading to the reveal of mysteries, ranging from the identity of enemies to the origin of titan. Isayama the author is more than capable in building a story, as evidenced by the carefully arranged setups and successful characterization in 130+ chapters. Probably echoed by other readers, the story surprisingly went downhill since Chapter 124 (aka the alliance arc) when pacing becomes slow with no major progress in overall plot. Eren who is the supposedly main protagonist is nowhere to be found in most of the chapters, let alone his inner thought. The conclusion in Chapter 139 is even more confusing, showing clear disconnection with previous chapters and major characters being OOC. There are fans who are kind enough to summarize the inconsistencies.

Chinese netizens’ comment on the story quality

I would interpret the bad writing in Chapter 139 as intentional, with two possible reasons, or both: 1). To betray and hurt the readers as expressed in his interview. He is free! 2). To passively protest against a plot change by his editorial team

“I was a big fan of Game of Thrones, so I can relate to the feelings of those fans who were disappointed with how the series ended. But when I’m drawing, I’m expressing my own feelings, and I think as long as I’m doing that, my fans will be able to accept whatever ending I come up with for them”. The question is – was Isayama hinting at a GOT-like ending that expressed his true feeling? Looking at his response at this point of time, was he foreshadowing a disappointment?

Personally I am a believer of (2) – the plot was hijacked. I see the pacing issue starting from Chapter 124 as Isayama and the editorial team trying to buy time in reconstructing the plot. This is the period when multiple minor subplots (e.g. Connie’s mom, Aruani, conflicts with Yeagerists like Daz, formation of Alliance, Reiner’s mom & Annie’s dad) are introduced and closed off shortly after, while Eren is nowhere to be found.

Also note that Isayama did not even show up in the interview/live stream after the end of the manga in on Apr 10 and Apr 14, 2021. The editor represented him instead. It was also revealed in the most recent live stream that the editorial team had quite a lot of influence over the plot, in which they changed the last few pages of Chapter 139.

As many of you have already raised, early chapters already mentioned the “only way to put a final end to the cycle of revenge” is to do a full rumbling. I believe this is the first draft of the ending of the story as this idea has been expressed more than once directly out of the mouth of Eren.

The other possible change is the way of how Ymir is being freed. In earlier chapter, Eren clearly understands what Ymir has been waiting for 2000 years in Chapter 122, and this is also the reason why Eren is able to start the rumbling in the first place. The possibility of Mikasa freeing Ymir is not being introduced until Chapter 138 (or 139), and certainly comes out of nowhere as the only people outside of path who have seen Ymir are Armin and Ramzi.

How is Chapter 139 being intentionally messed up? The inconsistencies above suggest that at least two plot twists are only being decided at the very late stage of the story. • Eren’s true intention (Eren Requiem vs. full rumbling) and the reasons behind • What Ymir wants

Throughout Chapter 139, there are definitely better choice of words which even average Reddit/Twitter/Tumblr users were able to re-write in the past few days. However Isayama just somehow chose the worst way in presenting the story as if it is a shoutout to readers. The presentation also makes Chapter 139 memorable, though not in a way most have expected.

“Why Mikasa?” “Well…only Ymir knows that one…” When I reread Chapter 139, it seems to me that Isayama is not trying to shy away from admitting the plot change. The disbelief from Armin’s way of saying “Huh? Did you just say Mikasa?” is an analogy to the readers’ reaction due to the lack of interaction between Ymir and Mikasa before the last panel of Chapter 138. Eren is also drawn with a resigned expression. If this is an over interpretation of the frame, Eren’s next response “Well…only Ymir knows that one…” directly points out how the statement lacks a clear and sound reasoning. You can translate it into “Well…only [the company/my editor] knows that one…” or “Nothing I just want to throw this in”. Isayama clearly knows what he is writing and indeed “only Ymir knows that one” becomes a meme.

Also to add that prior to Chapter 139, Ymir has always been a parallel of Historia/Krista, not Mikasa, even as early as Chapter 51, but this plot was just somehow nowhere to be found eventually.

Why Rumbling? The most disastrous consequence of a plot change, from wiping all history and civilization (that has been repeated in his conversation with Historia in Chapter 130 and his internal monologue in Chapter 131) to an Eren Requiem, is that it takes away all the justification and rationale for Eren to eliminate 80% of the population in the first place. Whether or not Eren executes the rumbling and dies willingly, the world will still be in conflict and future generation will remain in the forest. If the plan is to free Ymir, a better way is probably just asking Mikasa to chop his head off. That saves humanity (Ymir likes drama, after all!).

Isayama could have easily used phrases like “I just want to move forward” but he put “I don’t know why, but…I wanted to do that…I had to”. This is also Isayama speaking from the Eren – he does not know why Eren is doing rumbling just to achieve the 80% plan. He just “had to” draw it.

“10 Years, At least!” This is probably the most debatable and dramatic part of the chapter. Eren expresses his love to Mikasa but the scene is presented in a way as if it is a kid throwing a tantrum. In addition to that there is Armin’s comment “Oh ok…I didn’t expect something that pathetic..” as if it is again, the readers’ comment. The scene is portrayed in an unbelievably comedic way, especially when you compare it with Eren’s conversation with Ramzi in Chapter 131, which is supposed to serve the same purpose in showing Eren’s human/soft side. Most importantly, freedom has always been Eren’s core value throughout the series. The outright contradiction this line shows only makes the whole idea of this panel questionable.

Character Regression Needless to say, characters’ behaviours surprisingly regress back to the first arc, wiping out all developments throughout the series. The worst thing is it even kills the hype of re-reading the manga as you know the characters never grow, after all the sufferings and hearts sacrificed. Examples include: • Eren is still a crybaby • Mikasa remains trapped by her relationship with Eren and the scarf • Historia is not living proudly for herself after the Uprising arc • Reiner sniffs Historia’s letter after going through depression and wars (there is even a petition online asking Isayama to change this! You see how problematic this is.) • Jean and the horse joke

Almost everything that could possibly go wrong is wrong in 1 chapter These are written by the man who have been writing good chapters in the past 10 years. Can you believe it is just a lack of sense?

• “Thank you. You became a mass murderer for our sake.” • The “poop” that Armin gives Eren (Isayama likes using meme right? :P) • Eren’s face when he is punched

Is this the High School AU style?

Compared to Chapter 112...You can tell the difference.

The way how the fandom views Chapter 139 is certainly very divided, but even amongst those who like it, most still think “things could have done better” (source: SNK Chapter 139 Poll), showing how awkward the style is compared to previous chapters. The inconsistencies in character portrayal and plot are too hard to ignore. It pains me to see a well-constructed and reputable series, one step away from legend even just with an average ending, closed with a chapter that almost defeats the purpose of the rest. Trust in Isayama – while he can build a legend in 10 years, he can also take it down with 1 chapter.

By the way, Levi is one of the few characters who isn’t ruined. Probably also a conscious choice.

[obsidian-aurora]

As I’m about to dive into the events of 227 in my fanfic, I thought now is a good moment to take some time to reflect on the past year.

Words:  1,086,764

Chapters:  131/?

Comments:  2206

Kudos:  4065

Bookmarks:  350

Hits:  161449

If you can believe it, I started writing this fic almost a year ago now.  I’ve written the equivalent of a novel a month this whole year! Nuts. I watched The Untamed for the first time over a year ago.  My soul was captured by the light that I saw in Xiao Zhan’s and Yibo’s eyes when they looked at each other. And I haven’t stopped believing in the power of love since then.

Sounds corny?  Yeah, kind of is.

It’s hard to imagine that when I started writing this fic, the Special Edition hadn’t come out yet.  There was only the official BTS on the Tencent channel to watch - as well as a pile of interviews and fanmeetings.  There were no secret Discord groups, I didn’t even have a Twitter account.  I had this old blog of mine on Tumblr and an old AO3 account that I dusted off to start writing some fanfiction again.

Did you know I’m a self-published author?  Oh yeah, for years I wrote nothing but my own novels.  You can check them out here at lillybirdsong.com

I thought to myself, I’ll just write a short fanfic over the course of December.  I’ll publish it in January and rid my system of this bug I’ve got and then move on.  Now, a year later and I still can’t stop writing about these boys.  What is it?  It’s all about love.  It’s about the belief that against all odds, whether it’s living in a society that doesn’t support LGBT individuals, whether it’s struggling with management companies that don’t support you in your own careers, against all odds Love Wins™.

Or does it?

I’m about to embark on writing the 227 part of the fanfiction and I thought it was really important for me to remind everyone that what I’m writing here is not a bible, it’s not a biography, it’s a piece of fiction that’s my own personal interpretation of what might have happened.  I’m saying this because it’s soul-crushing to imagine what might have taken place behind closed doors, the conversations that would have happened, the thoughts that would have spun out of control.

I mean, I just remember my own journey.  Some of which is documented right here on Tumblr.  I wrote one of my first artist blogs when I hit 50 chapters on Yizhan in early Feb.  I wrote a post when Xiao Zhan fans first started calling out AO3 for hosting inflammatory material. I wrote a post when I considered whether this fic should be abandoned. I wrote a post when Coronavirus brought me back home on a plane way earlier than expected.  I wrote a post in April when I completed 80 chapters, and at the end of May when I completed 100 chapters.

I’ve gone a bit dark on Tumblr since I moved to Twitter where there’s a lot more BJYX interaction going on, but Twitter is not a good place for a long post so I’m once again spilling my thoughts here on Tumblr.

Writing about 227

As I start to write about this, I’m going to pick and choose which rumours I will write into the story and which I’ll discard.  Because let’s get real - there are a lot of rumours out there, and no one except those people intimately involved will know the truth of the matter.  I do choose to believe some of the malicious rumours.  And so I will include some of them.

Don’t start a war in my comments section. I beg you.  I’ll just have to end up moderating my comments which I never wanted to do.

Disagreements within the fandom

I’ve noticed more and more “extreme” behaviour within the BJYX fandom.  I feel like ever since the “secret” BTS (which are mostly the same as what we saw in the official BTS just longer cuts) have whipped turtles up into a frenzy! And when someone has a different opinion or when someone likes to spout theories about what their small interactions might mean in the context of the bigger picture, that can cause harm.

So I’m saying right now - everyone’s entitled to their own points of view. No one knows the truth but the ones involved.

Don’t bring your disagreements to my fic.

Respect in public spaces

I have also stated this on Twitter but I want to put my 2 cents here as well.  I’ve also been uncomfortable lately with the amount of public discourse about body parts, about sex positions, really really intimate things. If you want to write fanfics or draw fanart to explore these interpretations, I say go for it! That’s appropriate because it’s within the realm of fantasy. But when it comes down to really speculating about what’s going on in the private lives of these two men we love so much, I personally would rather those conversations be relegated to private spaces - Discord, WhatsApp.  Not Twitter and Tumblr. So you’ll notice that I’ve unfollowed and even blocked some accounts recently that cross a line I’m not comfortable with.

When I do that, it’s not about you, it’s not a personal attack. That’s just me not being comfortable with the content that’s being created in the space it’s being distributed. If you want to chat with me about it, I’m very open to having that discussion in DM. I’ve been called a hypocrite for my views given that my story is an explicit one, but in my mind there’s a clear distinction between me publishing a story on AO3 and people discussing their real private lives in public spaces like Twitter.  That’s just my point of view and I mean no offence to those that feel the opposite.

As usual, I always have my finger on the trigger to take Yizhan down the moment it causes harm to the boys in question.

Other interesting things I’ve done lately:

I’ve been publishing some Fanart.  (See the pic at the end of this post as an example). Follow me on Twitter @ObsidianAurora to get the latest as I usually post things first there. I’ll try to remember to post things here as well.

I started a YouTube Channel. It’s called Queer Stories and it’s my space to talk about all things queer - video games, TV shows, and yeah sometimes even how harmful it can be to assume you know someone’s gender identity, whether they’re feminine or masculine, and that this has nothing to do with a person’s sexuality. This video I made in the context of BJYX/LSFY/ZSWW and Yizhan.

I opened a Patreon account since some people wanted to know how to support me. I have been jobless since our visual effects studio closed down in May and I’m starting up a new job again next week (finally!) but if you want to contribute for the work I’m doing this would be the way.

Be Kind.

I’ve rambled on for quite a bit now so let me end it here. Let me just say please be kind. Be kind to each other. Be kind to those who disagree with you. When you’re tempted to lash out, consider the other person’s point of view first.

Remember that what started this was love. Not hate. Don’t give in to the temptation to participate in fanwars. Remember the love.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

~Obsidian Aurora~

[yaboylevi]

Hi! I love ur blog, especially ur Snk Metas and Ereri metas. What are your thoughts on the whole “Eren has always been like this” (always been evil or capable of great evils like genocide) that a lot of people seem to agree on? I’ve always had a hard time believing in that idea because we’ve been shown multiple times that Eren is capable of sympathy and empathy, so to say he’s ALWAYS been like this is wrong.

Hi! Thank you!!

Looking through my snk 121 tag I found that I have already received similar questions, so I’m gonna link one here if you want the short version of it. Even if it was something I wrote up right after the chapter was out, it’s not like my opinion has changed much... more like, my faith in Isayama writing a decent conclusion and explanation in regards to Eren has plummeted in the past year and a half.

But anyway, now we have some new information pertaining Eren, so I feel like I can add more on this moment and my take on it in light of such new perspective.

Let me preface this with: Eren hates what he’s doing, is despising every second, was scared of his future visions, often paralyzed, desperate to find a better solution than this, because he knows - let me repeat it - HE KNOWS this is horrifying. We had hints throughtout the story, but many have ignored them. For me, Eren going through grief and apologizing for something he hadn’t even done yet in chapters 131 was no shocker at all, but I guess some people may have actually been surprised, I don’t know. It was right there since the Marley arc and his breakdown over Sasha, but many have completely misinterpreted that scene, denying it was desperation that he was feeling, so it was nice to finally have confirmation. Kinda.

However, you know, Isayama doesn’t seem to have picked a side on his characterization of Eren. Or maybe there is still something that’s concealed, because everything we have seen, isn’t evething that has happened, and it doesn’t explain yet some things about Eren and, relevant to this post, why Eren has decided to give up and give in to his future self’s memories of destruction. I’m sorry, but Eren believing “there is no other way, other than killing the whole world’s population, because the future cannot be changed” due to some memories is not gonna cut it, especially because we haven’t seen him fight too hard against it. In my opinion, at least. Or maybe he did, but we haven’t been shown.

The most hopeful part of my heart wishes he is already trying to change things, in a very roundabout and secret way, but the tired and logical part is done hoping. After all, Eren is alternating between being hellbent on going through with rumbling the world, and being absolutely horrified by it. I’ve been getting whiplash every month for a couple of years now.

As for your actual question, and that line during the Paths Time Travel...

Let’s start from here, shall we? That whole conversation with Zeke in Paths was to Zeke what chapter 112 was to Mikasa and Armin, imo. Chapter 121, huh, same numbers...but anyways. I think I have already wrote it somewhere, but I believe Eren lied, and purposely hurt Zeke. To make him, and Mikasa and Armin, realize something and act accordingly, maybe against Eren himself.

In Mikasa’s case, the realization was gradual since then, because Eren’s lies kickstarted it immediately. In Armin’s case, I think we still haven’t seen the full potential of it, though it may come next chapter - and I mean the “You were influenced by Bertolt, an enemy” angle. I am surprised Armin hasn’t followed this reasoning in regards to Eren, who has three titans within him, none of them particularly allied with Paradis. We left Armin seeing Bertolt, who is, in turn, watching him. I wonder if a conversation won’t happen right off the bat in chapter 136.

Anyhow, Eren, in chapter 112, also very much hit Armin and Mikasa where it hurt them the most - which is the same thing he did to Zeke here, bringing up his hate for Grisha and how it was the only think really fuelling him, and went through all the effort of making him reconcile with Grisha. Mmm, sus. Am I the only one feeling it’s sus??? I really have to wonder if he doesn’t kind of want/need Zeke to stop him, just like I believe he did with Armin and Mikasa. After all, there was no need to antagonize them and make them have reasons to stop caring for him, if he didn’t want to be stopped.

So, if it wasn’t already clear, Eren is a big liar, and he’s good at it if you don’t know him (and Zeke, Armin, and Mikasa have proven they don’t know or understand him very well at times). His acting skills have been shown all the way back in the cabin scene when he was 8 years old and tricked those traffickers.

There is another layer to these lies that I’d like to touch upon, though.

The line you were inquiring about feels exactly like his “I am free” in chapter 112. He sounds so sure, but it is a freaking lie.

See how both Armin and Mikasa are confused by such a bold, out-of-the-blue statement, the same way Zeke asks Eren “Since birth?” because, like, what is that all even about?

Eren has been feeling trapped in his own future memories to the point that his freedom of choice even existing anymore has become a big question mark. There is no freedom in following the path you were shown.

Eren’s urge to save someone from “having their freedom solen” by “physically assaulting the perpetrators first” has never, ever meant that he was willing to or okay with sacrificing innocents. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been whole arcs about that. About Eren freaking out over people dying for him, refusing to sacrifice friends for the bigger picture, grieving for or sympathizing with innocents losing their lives or having them destroyed by some bigger threat. That has not changed.

So the big question remains: Why?

With these outrageous and confident statements about himself, I don’t think Eren is merely lying to his interlocutor to change their perception of him. I think he is lying to himself as well in the meantime. It looks like it did the trick, or not - based on how you want to interpret it. He really has been dissociating hard during his rampage.

But it all depends on what Isayama's angle is with Eren. In 112 Eren seemed to believe his “I am free” statement because he had an instant reaction to Armin challenging it. At the same time, now that we also have chapter 130-131 to enrich our reading, there is no way Eren felt free into the choices he made after hearing Willy’s declaration of war. He saw a terrifying future, he hoped against hope that it would change, but felt powerless and gutted and desperate that all pointed to such a future being unchangeable. So I do wonder if maybe he didn’t end up lying to himself - subconsciously or not - that he is free... and that he is always been this way - a cold-blooded murderer who did it all for justice.

Zoom in on Eren forlornly watching himself as a kid show pure kindess to a girl who just went through the most traumatizing experience in her life.

For the matter, I don’t believe Eren “has always been this way”. I actually don’t believe he’s ever been that way. I don’t know why many(?) people just accept whatever Eren says at face value, ignoring all context surronding it.

As I posted very recently, it doesn’t make sense for Eren to go from one extreme to the other without a better excuse, or explanation, or a more believable writing of it...or a plot twist that I guess I will wait for for another 4 months:

Eren came to realize that outside the walls people are just...well, people. There are good ones everywhere, people who suffered just like him, people who deserve better, certainly don’t deserve to be caught up in the Rumbling, people who have lives, children, moms, loved ones. This is highlighted again in chapter 131, because maybe, when Eren brought it up in the basement with Falco and Reiner, people didn’t think he was being genuine. So Isayama shows us again that Eren truly believed that.

And yet, the chapter before, Eren put those very same people on the same level of Titans when he used to think Titans were scum, a nightmare sent to eat them alive, because he addressed them with “匹”, a derogatory counter when applied to people, because it is usually used for small animals.

The parallel to how he used to feel towards Titans is smacked in our faces, because in Japanese, it’s the same exact line. He now feels that way about people.

...What?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Because really, the same way Eren’s first impulse in Marley was to save Ramzi when he was being beaten up (and threatened with a worse fate than some bruises), the same way Eren helped him regardless and again went against 3 full-grown men, it’s the same way Eren rushed to Mikasa’s rescue when he didn’t even know her... or the same way he pushed himself into a Titan’s mouth just to save Armin. it doesn’t come from a sentiment of “I need to punish these monsters because they are threatening me”. It comes from a natural, intrinsic need to help and save others. It is deeply saddening that at the end of this journey, with Ramzi, he just feels like this natural predisposition of his is just a fake and turns him into a hypocrite.

So for Eren to say he has always been that way while looking at his 8 years old self stabbing a human trafficker in the chest to save a little girl to try and explain why he’s killing innocent people who happens to be living alongside “the bad guys” is a false equivalence. Either it’s a lie Eren tells himself and to Zeke to make both of them believe this is what Eren is, and has always been, and there is nothing they could do to prevent it - in a sort of twisted liberation from guilt because “if I was always like this, then you and I both shouldn’t have expected anything different”...

...or it’s Isayama’s failed attempt at presenting a theoretical concept he liked and talked about in interviews, suddenly turning Eren into a poster boy for it and canceling previous sides of Eren’s complexity as a character. I would like to believe Isayama hasn’t lost his magic touch this badly, but every day I’m less sure of it.

My opinion, for what is worth, is that that line you quoted is something he said to trick Zeke into detaching himself from Eren and going against him - breaking the bonds of love all around him has been a very deliberate choice Eren has made post time-skip - and at the same time it’s something Eren is trying to believe himself, in a desperate attempt at explaining to his own conscience that he was destined to bring such destruction, that he was always capable of it, and that there is a sort of justice in it where there isn’t. And he knows, deep down. That’s why he dissociates in the end.

In a very twisted, self-deprecating way, Eren is a liar to everyone, himself included. He has become an unreliable narrator about himself. Eren has completely shut down because he cannot stand what he is doing.

And I would very much like to know why he gave up on trying to find a different solution, if that’s what it is that happened, and why he sounds like a different person every other scene he appears in, in the next 4 months.

[tamhrayis]

Since chapter 138 was released I had something in my mind. In that AU we had 3 scenes:

1. Mikasa waking up and talking to Eren about how they escaped

2. Eren asking Mikasa to throw the scarf away and forget him after his death

3. Mikasa kissing Eren goodbye as he dies (even though the kiss wasn't shown in the AU, but how the scenes were switching between reality and AU it was implied that she kissed him also in AU)

Now, what I want to talk about and ask about your opinion is - EreMika's children.

We know that in the end Mikasa married someone (probably Jean) and had children. Despite that she still visited Eren's grave and wore the scarf through her whole life. She got even buried with the scarf. That means that Mikasa never stopped loving Eren and she never forgot him.

One thing which is stuck in my mind until now is why didn't Eren and Mikasa have children in that AU? I know someone could argue that they did, but children just weren't shown in any panel, but that is wrong deduction by two reasons:

1. Assuming something happened even though it wasn't shown in any panel just doesn't make that thing canon. It is still just an assumption (the same way EreHisu believed Eren is the father of Historia's child) and it stays that way. Until something wasn't explicitly shown you can't say it is canon and that it happened.

2. Eren asked Mikasa to forget him and throw the scarf away after he dies. If they had children or planned to have children he wouldn't say such thing because how could Mikasa forget him after his death when she would have children with him? It just doesn't make any sense so I think it is safe to say with certainty that they didn't have any children in that AU.

After that April's ending I was kind of okey with that and this topic got into the very back of my mind, because we didn't see Mikasa with children and it was never hinted in manga that she wanted to have children. She just wanted to be by Eren's side. But now after this new ending was leaked this question popped up in my mind once again. If Mikasa wanted to have children and create a family with offspring, why didn't she do that also in that AU? If she really loved Eren that much I don't think she wouldn't want to have children with him just because he was about to die at the young age. I think it actually makes even more sense for her wanting to have children with him, because she would live for them after his death.

So as I was thinking about the reasons why they didn't have children in that AU one thing popped in my mind. What if it was because they weren't married? AoT world and their society is set in the past in comparison to our world so there is a big chance in AoT people's view on this thing is more conservative than in our world nowadays. For example we saw Grisha having Eren after the wedding. Historia got slandered by those men sitting at the table and talking to each other (I don't remember number of the chapter) because she wasn't married and was pregnant. In chapter 139 we saw that she later married the farmer (most likely because of the pressure so everything would look traditionally).

Also there is a big chance that birth control in AoT is not on the same level we have in our world (if they even have any). So my deduction is that they probably weren't sexually active in that AU because they weren't married (I know a lot of EM fans headcanon how they had a lot of cabin seggs in that AU so please don't attack me for assuming this lol). Because if they were sexually active in that AU I think there is a very high chance Mikasa would get pregnant at some point (because of the lack of birth control), so I think they never were and a possible reason for that could be that they weren't married. That is the only logical reason I can come up with because if Mikasa really wanted to have children at some point in her life and she loved Eren that much I can't come up with any other reason why they wouldn't have those children. What do you think about this theory of mine? Do you have your own theory why they didn't have children in that AU?

Hi, anon!

Here’s my take on why EM didn’t have any children in cabin au.

I believe that the reason is that paths =\= reality and biological processes that naturally take place in reality don’t happen there, because paths is simply a projection and it works according to founder’s wish and imagination.

From what we see, Eren showed them only what he imagined, knew and thought about. He might have shown them the possible future events depending on when their conversations have happened (for Armin and Eren it was ch.131).

So I assume, since Eren can’t control natural processes that haven’t happened yet in reality (like Mikasa being pregnant with their child), he couldn’t make it possible in paths, because paths should have some limitations.

Since paths is not a real dimension nor a time line, even if Mikasa possibly got pregnant in paths, I don’t think that it would be projected to reality, because that’s a totally new thing that didn’t actually happen (if you get my logic or I can elaborate on it later).

Same way Eren couldn’t make them old because it also didn’t happen in reality. About them not being married hence not having children. I don’t think that it might be the reason, because paths is a simulation of reality and they didn’t necessarily live in a society nor it doesn’t seem like they had some neighbors around that would judge them on that matter lol. After all, Eren knew that it’s simply what he is showing to Mikasa and even if they had children in paths no one from the real world would know about it.

On top of that, Eren didn’t want to confess and give Mikasa a false hope, because he knew that he will die (either from rumbling or curse). Eren could be selfish and have a full family with her, but that would also mean that Mikasa would end up being a widow with children (there’s nothing bad, just knowing Eren he wouldn’t want that for her at such early age).

So I guess that it’s just what it is.

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2021 - Week 2

Norwegian

Read 2x articles

Watched 4x Distriktsnyheter (Sørlandet, Nordnytt, Nordland & Midnytt) broadcasts

Watched 4x Familiekokkene episodes

Wrote about my job (published) and my favourite dish (not yet published)

italki session

Chatted with Amanda

Speaking practice: talked about my job and TV

Mysteriet om Nils: read pages 121-131 (read aloud), noted down new vocabulary + completed exercises 1&2

Duolingo: Destiny

Japanese

Listened to Japanese radio (passive listening)

Listened to Nihongo Con Teppei

Kanji drills: drilled colours & family vocab

Watched 1x Pokémon episode

Duolingo: Restaurant, Katakana 3, Hiragana 2 and Family

Drops: Relationships

Norwegian

I had another italki session this week with a new tutor. It went pretty well! It was nice to have an actual structured lesson instead of just conversation practice for a change. Conversation practice is super useful and I want to continue doing that too to improve my confidence (plus I really enjoy my conversations with my other tutors), but I do need to focus on accuracy. As much as anything, I need someone to force me to work on the things I’m not sure about and tell me if they’re wrong, otherwise I just reword my entire sentence to hide the fact I don’t know what I’m doing, and then I don’t get any better.

Understanding has been a bit up and down this week. I watched Midtnytt and understood almost nothing without subtitles. But then I watched an episode of Familiekokkene and understood almost everything. That probably comes down to how familiar I am with the people speaking - I’d watched 6 other episodes of Familiekokkene and was super familiar with all the people on the show. I’d never heard the presenter on Midtnytt and obviously I’ve never heard any of the people they were interviewing. It could also be because I was more tired watching Midtnytt, and I guess news isn’t as interesting as people cooking tasty food lol.

I’ve realised I’ve been neglecting my journal lately. I was writing a few times a week almost every single week, but I don’t think I’ve written anything for a whole month, maybe longer. So this coming week I’d like to get back into that, especially as I found it useful for noting down new vocabulary and seeing my progress.

Last week’s goals

Mysteriet Om Nils p121-126 [10/6] ✅

Finish watching Familiekokkene [4/4] ✅

Watch 4x Distriktsnyheter broadcasts [4/4] ✅

1x written task [333/300 words] ✅

Practice speaking on at least 4 days [4/4] ✅

This week’s goals

Write 2x journal entries

Finish exercises from Mysteriet om Nils ch 34

Watch 5x Distriktsnyheter broadcasts

Listen to 1x Norsken, Svensken og Dansken podcast

Practice speaking on at least 4 days

Make at least one vocab list of words learnt from Familiekokkene

Japanese

I finally got around to watching another episode of Pokémon. My understanding is still minimal, but it’s nice to recognise words here and there. I live for the day I understand a full sentence! I’ve also been listening to Nihongo Con Teppei while doing character drills. Again, I don’t really understand much more than a word or two here and there, but it always makes me happy, especially when it’s a word I’ve just learned.

I’ve mostly been working on family kanji, although I’ve been drilling and practising colours too. I’m pleased to say that I’ve finally sort-of got 紫 down! It’s still kinda messy and I’m not convinced it looks like a real kanji when I write it, but it’s vaguely right, at least. And I can do it from memory. So I think that counts as a win!

I also tried using Drops again. Now that I’m a bit more confident with hiragana and katakana and I’ve actually learned some of the vocab taught already, I found it useful for revision.

Last week’s goals

JFZ Chapter 6 - read grammar + watch videos ✅

Watch 1x Pokémon episode [1/1] ✅

Drill family kanji ✅

Duolingo: Restaurant skill [7/7] ✅

This week’s goals

Duolingo: Activity 1

JFZ Chapter 6 activities

Write sample sentences with vocab learned from recent Duolingo lessons and JFZ ch 6

Watch 1x Pokémon episode

Productivity

I didn’t quite hit my stretching goal this week. That’s partially because my boyfriend had some extra days off this week and I chose to spend the time with him instead, which I’m not mad at myself for; spending time with people you love is important! I also have a bad habit of leaving it too late in the day, so I need to be a bit more firm with myself and get it out of the way while I have the energy for it. This coming week I’ll try to plan better.

Last week’s goals

Stretch on at least 3 days [2/3] ❌

Get to the studio to train at least once [1/1] ✅

Finish reading my book [197/197] ✅

Do some form of writing ✅

This week’s goals

Stretch on at least 3 days

Decide which book to read next and read 150 pages

Train pole/hoop on at least 2 days

Do some form of writing on at least 2 days

[miscellaneousramblings]

The world is cruel and unfair. My thoughts about the end of SnK.

This is a post about my feelings re: the end of SnK. I try to mix a bit of analysis and express where, in my opinion, it went wrong.

I’ve only read the last chapter once for now. Managed to avoid every spoiler until the official release. What can I say? I think this ending is disappointing and unsatisfying, despite not being The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read. It’s serviceable at best, which by default is underwhelming in a work that has almost always tried to go above what we usually see in comparable pieces of fiction. Over almost 140 chapters, SnK offered its readers genuine emotions, either positive or negative, and, until this final chapter, managed to stay true to its themes. But this final chapter is basically a 4/10 or 5/10 ending in an overall 9.5/10 story.

I hope that, after the initial shock of the ending, I’ll be able to look back on it, not fondly, but with a bit more appreciation for some of its (too few) genuinely good moments. I also hope it won’t sour the experience of reading SnK too much for me. Of course, I accept the ending, I accepted it literally the moment I read it even though I saw it go further and further from my expectations and understanding of the story by the second. And obviously, I respect Isayama as a writer and genuinely cherish some parts of this manga.

But I won’t ever think this ending was good, and am going to try to explain why.

First, something quite subjective. I think the chapter lacked genuine emotion. I didn’t feel much of anything, except a crushing sentiment of sadness and a bit of anger when I saw Mikasa alone by Eren’s grave at the end. A lot of what happened felt either incomplete or forced, and often both. For example, I had imagined the moment the curse of Ymir broke would be the most beautiful moment in the manga, but instead it just... happened? This was supposed to be the peak of this story, the miracle that all these terrible sacrifices were made in the name of. I keep thinking about the moment the curse breaks at the end of Fruits Basket (a great read btw) and how genuinely emotional this chapter is even though the genre is different from SnK’s. Considering Isayama’s talent when portraying emotions, I can’t help but feel terribly underwhelmed by his version of this moment, which should have made us feel like everything was worth it, but didn’t.

Second, the pacing in this last arc (and especially post 123) was messy. I know it’s easy to criticize as a reader, but objectively, spending 7 chapters on the alliance going from point X to point Y and not giving the main character the spotlight he deserves is a major mistake. I kept holding hope that all of the buildup since chapter 130 was going to amount to the last 2-3 chapters slapping extremely hard (like, say, the Grisha-centered chapters in return to Shiganshina, or the Reiner-Eren conversation in Marley), but for the first time, Isayama disappointed me in that regard.

While mostly uninteresting fights got dragged out, some plot points were almost forgotten. Some setups never got a proper conclusion. Eren barely got the time to explain his motivations or what he saw. Historia’s conversation from chapter 130 never got an ending. The parasite and Ymir literally disappeared even though they were the focus of the last two chapters before this one. Some memory shards went unexplained. We never got to see Grisha’s death even when this panel exists?

Regardless of the actual things I don’t like in the ending, I think it would have been more palatable if this last stretch of chapters had been given time to breathe, if only to expand on the characters’ motivations or give us more interactions (for example, Eren’s talks with Annie, Reiner, Connie...).

Third, characterisation and themes. Oh boy. My favourite character is Eren, and my other favourites are Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Zeke. I think that among these five, the only one who got a true, complete character arc was Armin (and arguably Zeke as well, though the lack of resolution between him and Eren is a hate crime towards me, specifically). Reiner had a great character arc overall but his last appearance in the manga was distateful and a regression. I won’t expand on it.

Mikasa... my poor girl. My most charitable take about her ending is that Isayama wanted to portray her inner strength, the fact she can always live on in the face of adversity and cherish her own life despite the setbacks while remembering those she loves. Well, I guess he succeeded. But in a weirdly unsatisfying way, because this renders her character arc entirely cyclical. Those qualities have characterised Mikasa since the start. It’s established since the very first arc that she’s prideful, brave, and that she has the inner strength to live without Eren if he ever disappears from this world. But the way Isayama made it happen? Having her kill him and then cry next to his grave in the final panels of the manga is what her arc amounted to? I had always hoped that Mikasa could actually save Eren from himself and show him how to live and share his burdens with him (all things that have been foreshadowed in the manga itself, btw). I thought her tattoo would hold some significance, either by

A/ being transmitted to her potential child with Eren were he to survive (didn’t happen)

B/ foreshadowing a future political role for her as a bridge between Hizuru and Paradis (didn’t happen, and furthermore she’s the only alliance member living in Shiganshina and is deliberately separated from the rest of them)

C/ having some kind of supernatural power that would allow her to change the game, were she to enter paths or reach the coordinate (didn’t happen).

So what? In the end, Mikasa’s Big Choice amounted to giving up on her love (but also not really because she’s never going to be able to move on and isn’t allowed to feel anything else but pain), resulting in her losing her family for the third time and never being able to welcome Eren home. This is horrifyingly sad. I’m also frankly disturbed by the sort of ~parallel Eren establishes in this chapter between Ymir and Mikasa, about the topic of love. So the message of SnK was that... love is a chain? Everything happened because Ymir was too attached to the King and couldn’t leave this world, so Mikasa had to show her that she could give up on love for the greater good by killing Eren? I wish I just misunderstood this but that’s what I got from the chapter and I hate it. Also, I really thought Isayama was above the traditional “female character who sacrifices everything and never reaches happiness but stays quiet and endures for the common good” trope. I was wrong.

Mikasa might have been the centerpiece of the story, but she got the short end of the stick. At this point, the writing pretty much does the opposite of what it is supposed to by inadvertently justifying the validity of Mikasa and Eren’s “selfish” dream in chapter 138. Initially, I thought that their dream was wrong and not something truly enviable because in it, they led a life of guilt and regret while knowing full well that Eren would end up dying anyway, leaving Mikasa behind, alone. Naively, I thought that surely choosing the responsible path would be more rewarding for Mikasa, one way or the other. But as it turns out, the path of selflessness also led her to a life of solitude, except now she carries her burdens all on her own without having tasted happiness. Amazing. I genuinely do not know how I am supposed to root for this.

Finally... Eren. Oh boy. Oh, good lord. I’ll admit I wanted him to live, but I was also ready to accept an ending where he dies. But... not like this. I already said I don’t like the fact Mikasa killed him, but what I like even less is the lack of general resolution his character received. He’s the MC for god’s sake! But post-chapter 123, he has received second, if not third-grade treatment, save from chapter 131, which was brilliant.

Overall, his motivations are a mess, which I get. Him getting confused because of all his powers and memories is understandable. Him having conflicting motivations is actually appealing to me. He wanted to save Eldia, but was also disappointed in the outside world (when he says “I would have done it anyway”, I thought about what he said to Ramzi and the "scenery” in 131) , and wished for his friends to become heroes. I get it, it’s fine.

But Isayama went too far with the tragic aspect of his character. As in, there is no catharsis, just crushing pain. Isayama deliberately went overkill by stating that Eren killed 80% of humanity (what the hell), and, even worse, actually drove Dina to Carla. I literally couldn’t believe this. I have seen people theorize about this months ago and immediately discarded it by thinking it was ridiculous and amount to character assassination. To make things clear, I’m not discussing Eren’s actions in the last arc from a moralistic point of view, because this would be another topic entirely, I’m talking about what makes sense in the narrative that has been presented to us since the Paths chapters started and Eren’s plan was revealed. For example, however awful the contents of the scene was, Eren manipulating Grisha to kill the Reiss family was not only amazingly written and drawn in chapter 121 but also narratively motivated by the fact he needed the Founding Titan’s power. This scene also had other functions, such as revealing the Attack Titan’s premonition powers or making Zeke interact with Grisha and understand the truth about his father. Compared to this, the “moment” we have in 139, this abrupt, absurd revelation about him indirectly killing his mother is rushed and nonsensical. Even if this was to kickstart the whole story by awakening his hatred for the titans, I can’t help but feel shaken by how... gratuitous a “plot-twist” it is. What does it say about the attachment Eren had to his mother and her words to him? (”because he was born into this world”). This nullifies one of the most impactful scenes of the manga, because the ending makes it clear that in the end, existing as a human being by the simple virtue of being born wasn’t enough for him. It just couldn’t be, for some reason that I’m yet to fully understand. Instead, he endured and endured, and never got to experience the simple, humane existence Carla wished for him. So were these beautiful words a lie all along? Why did Isayama go to such an extreme with Dina? The only conclusion I can come to is that it’s because he needed Eren to be absolutely, totally irredeemeable. Eren needed, storywise, to be this unstoppable extremist who would get burned to ashes by his uncontrollable desires.

Because yes, apparently, Eren had to die. There was no escape. Worst of all, Eren died a slave. A slave to his desire for freedom. A slave to the destiny he saw at age 15. A slave to his titan powers. This is what I truly can’t forgive about this ending. I won’t stand for the “but he chose this” answer, because it was a choice made out of despair, and all the alternatives are presented as non viable by the narrative (are they really though? or is it just a cope-out to justify the last arc of the manga unfolding as it did?). In short, Isayama justifies this “choice” that was forced on Eren by telling us: his life was destined to be short, he had a violent side he just wouldn’t repress, Mikasa didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he was overwhelmed by what he saw, and their enemies were zeroing in on them. Canonically, all of this made him start the Rumbling. Fine. But I always thought that, at the end of it all, even if Eren were to die, this narrative would be challenged. That Eren would at least have a big cathartic moment, and that he would make another choice upon realising that the freedom he looked for was illusory, and that he would fight to the bitter end for what was right, what he truly wanted, before finally either going to rest or living on with the burden of his actions but the support of his loved ones. I wished for the perfect blend of bitterness and hope. The tragedy of irredeemeable actions completed by the powerful liberation of free will. The idea that change is possible.

But what did we get instead? Eren reaffirming that the Rumbling would have happened anyway while feeling tremendous guilt, as usual (living a life with regrets, and consequently, a death with regrets), refusing the support Armin was ready to lend him (refusing to even try to defy what he thinks is his destiny and pushing others away again) and erasing the memories of all his friends after having manipulated them into ending him against their wishes (going against the most basic concept of freedom). And because we as readers and he as a character have to suffer until the very end, Eren finally clearly expressed his wish to live, to stay with Mikasa and his friends. Only to die 5 pages later, for good.

The main character of this story truly died as a disembodied head, in a titan’s mouth, killed by the person he loved the most before being buried in a nameless grave. One of his mottos was “fight”, but in the end, he didn’t. He let fate happen. In a story about freedom, this is unfathomable. This is beyond the realm of sadness for me, and I’m leaning more and more towards indignation. Where was his dignity as a character? I know that Mikasa, Armin and the others know “the truth about him” but I’m sorry, this isn’t enough. Now, if I ever get the strength to re-read SnK, I won’t be able to look at Eren without thinking about all the things he sacrificed: love, friendship, happiness, humanity, morals, principles, justice, freedom, the lives of countless others, the peace of mind of the person he loves, and his own life. A sacrifice so great should have gotten us a reward as great, if not greater. But we only got the end of the titan curse, without even an apparition or a word from Ymir, the one who actually started all of this, and now Paradis is ruled by the Yeagerists or something. The wings of freedom defaced by two rifles. How great. How satisfying.

In the end, I can’t really fathom what Isayama wanted to say with this chapter. The story itself, the 138 chapters that preceded it seemed clear to me. The world is cruel but also very beautiful. But after having read 139, I don’t know where the freedom the characters chased is. I don’t know why love was portrayed as something so precious but also something that in the end was predestined to be discarded. I don’t know why characters such as Mikasa went against fate only to be crushed by it further down the road.

I never thought that SnK would go into this almost grimdark direction, but it did. I can barely find the beauty in this chapter. Mikasa’s last panels are heartbreaking, but even the strength of her love can’t shine through the countless sacrifices the characters - and especially she and Eren - made, for the sake of a future that already seems extremely compromised. I guess that all in all, the world’s cruelty overshadows everything, and those who make the greatest sacrifices also are those who never get repaid. The world is unfair. I know that, but it was my naive wish that reading a piece of fiction would help me take my mind off this reality by showing me there is also more to it.

PS: the best moment in the chapter was those panels:

Finally, even if it was too little and too late, someone showed Eren he wasn’t alone, and didn’t need to be. RIP, my beautiful boy. You truly did deserve better than what this story allowed you to be.

[shreddedleopard]

An Old Observation.

I was just clearing out my drafts and found this. I thought I’d share as, while these predictions and observations weren’t completely accurate, there were a few bits which carried through to the ending we got.

I just really wish we’d gotten more on Ymir and her feelings :(

Thoughts on chapter 137, and why it makes complete sense and cements the themes and lessons of Attack on Titan.

I have so many thoughts, I just want to word vomit them out at a million miles an hour, but I’ll try to do this in some sort of order and not my usual chaotic mess.

Attack on Titan is about family and belonging.

Ymir, the founder, just wants to belong somewhere. With someone. She wants to be loved and valued as a person, not as a slave; not as someone who merely fulfils a role. In the latest chapter, Zeke explains how he failed to understand her, but Eren did.

Look at Eren’s words to Ymir in this moment, several chapters earlier:

All Ymir has ever wanted is to be held. To be loved like a person. To feel that connection because of who she is, not the role she fulfils.

Eren understands this, in contrast to Zeke, who once again tries to impose her role upon her:

Ymir has been hanging around in paths all this time, unable to fully die and let her consciousness pass on to the next world, because she needs to find this thing that she’s been searching for since the start of the story.

It’s not just about romantic love. It’s about connection. That sense of being understood and belonging with someone else, whether that be romantically, platonically, as family ... we keep seeing the same theme brought up throughout the entire manga.

Who else is a character that constantly searches for the same thing? Mikasa.

She has so many parallels and yet also opposites with Ymir. Ymir is told she is a slave, she obeys the king, that is her role. And she accepts it. Because she believes that it’s the only way to find happiness; to find this belonging she’s been craving. However, unlike Ymir, who does not truly love the king, I believe that Mikasa does truly love Eren - what form that takes doesn’t necessarily matter to me at this point. It’s just about connection.

Whether Eren feels the same, tragically for him, doesn’t matter. Because Eren knows he is destined to be the one to end the cycle of hatred and free Ymir. And that will ultimately cost him his life. That is why, when Zeke asks him what he will do about Mikas’s affections - which have nothing to do with her bloodline and everything to do with him - Eren cannot answer. That choice has sadly been taken from him.

When Eren asks Mikasa what she is to him, I think he genuinely wants to know at that point. I think he cares about her so deeply and wants to know she feels the same way, and it’s not just about him being ‘her saviour’. But as we’ve seen before, Eren cannot afford to stop for too long and dwell in the moment, because he must push on towards freedom - the freedom of Ymir and the Eldian people from the curse of the Titans.

This brings his conversation around the table with Armin, Mikasa and Gabi into a whole new light. Eren insults his friends in an attempt to push them away from him - because he knows he won’t be around to live that ‘long, happy life’ with them. So instead, he wants to push them to confront their feelings in the arms of others. He pushes Armin to really consider what Annie means to him, and for Mikasa, I believe that Eren intends her to perhaps look towards Jean, who is truly willing to give her the love she has always sought from Eren. Because again, so tragically, Eren will not be around to provide that for her - regardless of whether it’s something he wants or not. His own wishes no longer matter on the path he has been set upon.

Back to Ymir. Eren tells her, he will put an end to this world:

He doesn’t mean the human world; the living world. He means the world of paths, where Ymir is trapped, unable to let go of the souls of dead Eldians, because she’s still searching for that connection she craves so much. Her paths world is an attempt to quell that feeling of loneliness she’s been plagued with, but ironically, she’s more lonely than ever, stuck there, serving the bloodline she’s created from a place of misery and duty, rather than love.

The rumbling and the destruction of Marley is a very tragic consequence of what Eren has to do to put an end to the curse of the Titans. He’s searched for another way to no avail; we’ve seen his remorse when he apologises to Halil or Ramsey in chapter 131:

I never finished this - I wish I had, now. My other observations about Ymir weren’t entirely accurate, but it would have been fun to compare them with what we finally got!

[blushing-titan]

Eren as a father and Ymir as a mother motives theory never made sense. They were represented as emotionally stunned children in paths doing the Rumbling, not as adults. Ymir never cared about her children, she doomed them to suffer after her VERY SHITTY AND SELFISH CHOICE TO DIE because her abuser didn't return her "love". That was clear before Eren revealed it. She saved him and abandoned her children. She never gave a single fuck about them. She was always looking at HIM. (1)

For his part, Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective. Dina and bird twist were foreshadowed via memory shards earlier. Krueger went on a rant about protecting Armin and Mikasa (and the "others") to Grisha. We've always known who Eren prioritized above all. Last chapter offered no twists, only confirmations. The story was always about EMA, Historia never had a place in the climax.

Hi! Thank you very much for writing 😀 I put my reply under the cut, so people who scroll down while searching tags don’t have problems with my long post (...because I feel like, unfortunetely, it’s gonna be another stream of conciousness from me, sorry about that 😅)

I really like your take on the "emotionally stunned children in paths" imaginery - I fully agree that it's a nicely-done symbolism!

To me, the whole Ymir sacrificed herself because of her unrequited love was not at all as clear and obvious as you say - especially before Eren revealed it. I still have a lot of problems with this plot twist, and how Ymir's feelings towards Fritz were portrayed in the end.

With the amount of abuse and mistreatment the king put her through, many fans tried to come up with different theories as to why Ymir kept on serving him. The way I interpreted it, after seeing her tortured expression over and over in many panels, was that she stayed by his side because of fear and emotional damages. With the way she was living, I was not surprised that she sacrificed herself, too - I thought that she honestly had enough, which added to the tradgedy of how she still couldn't find peace after that, and kept on being enslaved in paths.

I saw many takes and theories on her motives, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone betting on she was actually in love before ch. 139. I probably didn't search good enough, but again - with what I saw in the manga, I would have never bet on that either. My point is - before ch. 139 (...and after it too, in my opinion) Ymir was a walking mystery with unclear motives, so there were a lot of theories. Therefore, I disagree that the "parents" theory could never work - it obviously doesn’t work now, after ch. 139, but before that, her motivation could be anything really. I still wish it was something else, because what we got was too vague and problematic, in my opinion. 

I simply dislike Ymir's conclusion. I feel like there was so much potential in her backstory and motives + a few different ways to tie it back with different plotpoints and characters in the end to make it more meaningful, but what we got was a brief: She was in love with the person who abused her, I know it sounds unbelievable but I couldn't look deeper into her heart, so we have to take it as it is.

In general - I can't brush it off, but to me it feels like Ymir's end goal was rushed, not explored properly, and almost pulled out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I feel the same about Mikasa's involvement in lifting the titan's curse. Don't get me wrong - I'm not at all against her becoming the hero. Quite the opposite, I was rooting for her since the beginning, and hoped to see her develop and have a big moment, but this...this honestly also felt pulled out of nowhere and, in my eyes, didn't do Mikasa justice at all. I wish there was more proper build-up and foreshadowing done so I (...and, from what I've seen, a huge portion of fans) wouldn't feel that way, but here we are.

As for the Eren/Armin conversation, I like how they got to "see" the world together, even though just as a visualisation in the paths. My problem is the [...] Eren reverted to a child, talked about the sights with Armin which foreshadowed his motivation was mixed with his mental fuckery and timeless perspective part. Again, this should have been forshadowed (...and developed in general!) much sooner - not in the final chapter, right before we learn about this controversial motivation of his.

Instead, for many chapters, we were lead to believe that Eren was acting with his original goals and personal motivations in mind; that he had some character developement which caused him to start thinking his actions through, stop acting so impulsively - and finally, that he had a plan in mind, or at least was acting out of his own free will.

If you've never seen him in this light and his motivation/behaviour seemed in character in the last chapter to you - that's fine, all power to you! But if such a big portion of the fanbase felt otherwise (me included), then it means that there were some writing issues that led to this.

The Dina situation should have been explored more, as well. It's a huuuge plot twist, which puts our MC's motovations in an entirely new light, and creates quite a few additional plot-related questions. The way we're shown the situation: Berthold couldn't die just yet, so Eren directed Dina somewhere else, which ended up being his house.

...why not anywhere else? He could literally send her back outside the wall. On top of that - did he seriously sacrifice his mother in favour of his friends? I'd really like more information on this, but the topic is cut basically as soon as it appears. I find it especially unnatural, considering the way further dialogue goes:

Eren tells Armin about how he caused his mother's demise. Armin makes a terrified face, but drops the topic, smiles and casually proceeds with: "Let's go, Eren" - like his friend didn't just reveal one of the most controversial plot twist in the series. No, who'd want to hear an elaboration on that - better talk about Mikasa, so instead we get the entire (in my eyes - really forced) Eremika-themed talk. The priorities...

About the bird thing...if I remember correctly, there were three shards revolving around this theme. Two of them just show birds flying, one of them shows Falco from bird’s perpective. Sure, now that we know that some random bird in the end pecked on Mikasa's scarf, we can kiiiiiind of connect it to the Falco's shard...but honestly, why was Eren's soul transferred into some random bird after his death? On top of that, a bird that was already existing in the world while he was still alive, as a human...did that bird’s conciousness just go poof! one day, for Eren to take the vacant spot? Should we also look for other deceased titan shifters in barns or birdhouses? 😅 I can’t believe I’m overthinking it this hard...😆

That's some three-eyed-parasitic-jeager stuff, for sure.

Jokes aside, I guess what I'm trying to say is that foreshadowing is fun and great, but it should go hand in hand with proper developement - and, in my opinion, the examples above kinda lack it (...ok, I'd let the "bird Eren" thing slide because whatever, I don't feel the need to be that serious about it, it could stay ambigous in my opinion - but I'd definitely want some more closure as for the Dina situation or Ymir’s motivations and inner thoughts)

I've always said that Armin and Mikasa were two of Eren's closest friends - or, even more, the only people he considered family. I've also never believed that he would ever willingly sacrifice them, as some people theorized (...though guess what, now that I know what happened to his mother, I have to rethink my reasoning). I understand that EMA are the main characters, and was expecting that the story's conclusion will be tied to them somehow, but definitely not at the expense of logical character and story developement (...and sorry - to me the ending just felt that way).

As for Historia: if she was never supposed to be important in the end, then, in my eyes, it's a very poorly guided plotline that only led to unecessary drama in the fanbase. Why make her situation look sus with things such us:

Incorrect conception date,

The emphasis on how she didn't marry the father of her baby (...only to reveal in ch. 139 that she, in fact, did that),

The mysterious, cloaked figure observing her talking to the farmer,

The whole talk with Eren in ch. 130, and Eren thinking back to it while talking with Zeke.

All the Historia/Ymir parallels.

Seriously, what was the point? It would be so easy to simply make the situation clear. Why not just make Historia admit to Eren in ch. 131: "yes, I'm already pregnant with the farmer's baby - I did it to save myself."? Why not cut the bs with the "she didn't marry him" - because, in all honesty, what did that information bring into the story, aside from confusion and "misunderstanding" - and just make them married, instead? Even better - why not have at least one panel showing Historia and farmer being at least somehow affectionate with each other? Why not let go of all this retconned stuff and use these panels for shelling out other plotpoints?

The theories didn't come out of nowhere - they were based on what was shown in the manga. People wouldn't be disappointed with Historia's conclusion if it was never implied that she was still somehow important. We may argue about it back and forth, but the truth is - when so many people collectively "misunderstand" a certain plotline to this extent, then it means there had to be some storytelling issues that led them to this - simple as that.

To sum it up, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter and found it logical and satisfying. I absolutely don't want to take that away from you, or make you change your mind, but I also can't help the fact that I don't see it in the same light as you. You say that the final chapter offered no twists, only confirmations - to me, it was pretty much the opposite. Still, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts, and sorry it took me so long to reply! Hope you're having a nice day 😄

[byefelicia-chan]

If anyone kills Eren, it should be Armin.

Mikasa being in love with Eren seems like it'd provide the most shock value, but it won't because Eren doesn't love her the same way she loves him. Not that he doesn't love her at all, she is his friend and if nothing else, he loves her that way. But the romantic, lovers come to a tragic end, finale just won't do here. And I think Isayama knows that...I hope, at least.

Pairing them off in the end like their relationship has been built up the whole series, when it hasn't, would be lackluster. Eren wouldn't share the same feelings in the end as her, not for sure and it'd be such a cliché.

Hope for the future and what they'd do after killing all the titans they possibly can, like seeing the ocean, comes up a lot with Eren and Armin. Mikasa is there sometimes for those conversations, but Armin and Eren have these interactions specifically, whether anyone is around or not. They plan to be there for each other when all of this is over. vv

So, Armin killing Eren of his own accord after all we know about Armin's concerns with abandoning humanity and with his being the face of rationality, it would mean more to his development. Especially considering they were specifically in search of the ocean and a world beyond the walls together. When, and if, Armin kills Eren, they'll be thinking about the same things, "freedom," and the fact that they were going to find it together. Surely something Eren wanted more than "love."

Looking back to when Armin killed one of Kenny's squad in order to save Jean, we see how he struggles with deliberate killings. After it happens he frets over it and need to be reminded by Levi that he needed to kill her in order to save his friend. It was necessary. Also, possibly foreshadowing for when Armin ultimately makes that choice again, except for the entirety of humanity instead of just Jean.

He does. Armin may not understand his reasoning for the rumbling, and neither do we for sure yet, but Armin still understands him more than anyone and he doesn't even realize it obviously.

The betrayal of friendship and the promise they made to each other would mean more to this story line in my opinion. Even better if Eren died by the ocean.

But after chapter 131, where Armin is in a trance like state and sees child Eren in paths, and all Eren says is "freedom," I think we may begin to see even Armin retracting that^^ statement.

Let's all acknowledge that Armin is the one here, not Mikasa. Who knows if it's because Eren manifested it or because he is also one of the titans...I think it's more than coincidence either way.

I believe by killing Eren, Armin would be freeing Eren from being a slave to his own convictions.

[thecrenellations]

Thick as Thieves Undead-Blog, Part One | when your liveblog falls in a well then climbs out covered in flour | my notes from reading the book for the first time, Spring 2017

Expect yelling, lines that stuck out to me, and references that might only make sense in my head! Do not expect any meaningful analysis; I was simply reading this book, losing my mind, and feeling like I was falling in love. (Context provided in italics.)

Part Two

Chapters 1-5:

Ch. 1 - Kamet meets Costis and finds out about Nahuseresh’s “death” 

1. similar start to KoA and ACoK? and Thief?? feeling stupid

2. smashed bottle of remchik (amphora motif?)

RUSTICATE

oh no Nahuseresh why you’re married!

3. a new character! (Laela)

5. u look like a pomegranate

6. how old is Kamet?

8. “crooked men assume others are crooked as well” like thieves and philanderers...

10. Laela thinks Attolia is doomed?

ORNON????

“nature of world” is that what you really think?

trained as a child

11. poor eyesight

PAH COSTIS IS BACK i’m emotional

A VERY LARGE ATTOLIAN

12. THANK THE ETERNAL GODS HE WAS A CHATTY ATTOLIAN THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK

13. everyone is smart

a deep well of spite, low cunning

14. physical description of Costis?!?

he says he has so much power but he ... hides in alcoves? behind urns?

15. backward Attolia

a match made in hell (Kamet’s assessment of Gen and Irene)

K’s backstory

what does he like? does he WANT wealth and power?

16. *****“There is freedom and power” ***** (this quote was featured in some of the promotion before publication, I think, so it stuck out to me as especially important, though it probably would have anyway because it says a whole lot about Kamet’s perspective!)

oh no well there goes my wish for insight into Nahuseresh RIP (I didn’t LIKE Nahuseresh and particularly want to get to know him better, but I did go into this book hoping we’d get a more nuanced view of some of the Mede court ... turns out we absolutely DID get some serious insight into Nahuseresh despite him not appearing in person ... oof. I do still hope that RotT gives us even more Mede characters or fleshes out the other ambassadors - Akretenesh and Melheret (though we we just see them through the eyes of people like Sophos who vehemently oppose them) still seem less unique/complex/human compared to other antagonist-types like Ambiades, Sejanus, reader’s choice of baron.)

17. tears ... not for him though

 21. Shesmegah = Philia?

22. Rabbit and Lion!!!

23. Bear ... thx mwt <3 plz don’t be foreshadowing (Gen compares himself to a dancing bear ... so “there had been a white bear once, a gift from the Braelings in the north, but it had died in the heat” is pretty ominous, especially considering the animal allusions to another character on the previous page!)

24. he’s leaving the gates an enemy of king!

Ch. 2 - Kamet bumps into Immakuk and then Costis, the Anet’s Dream burns

28. how do they know who’s a slave?

clothes, chain

it’s Odin (listen. Odin and Immakuk both have one eye and show up a lot! I was totally on the right track. Shoutout to The Saga of the Volsungs ;) )

Enforcers of Imperial Peace give me a break! (i mean, in the US police are often officially called “peace officers” so, fair)

is he a god? srsly

32. the first of my many lies (“you said after noon”)

is this post-annuxing? no?

We went to the theater

34. I am a good judge of men

35. “i could evade the attolian far more easily than the palace guard” he is a palace guard <3

36. HIS ACCENT IS STILL HORRIBLE also your god’s favor

37. uhhh omg

38. omg OMG OMGOMG OMG (this was me generally losing it at Kamet’s assessment of Costis and at “he told me his name, as if he expected me to use it” I still cannot get over that line)

that’s one way to get Ornon out of your hair

39. Has C picked up the mind-reading habit

“take a seat” ... parallel to first KoA scene with Costis and Gen?

40. so certain of my place in the world

DIVESTED himself of his shirt

41. soooooooo bad bad institution (Kamet is thinking about the other slaves being executed)

42. Mercy buds (Kamet and Costis/Shesmegah and Philia)

44. more retrospect/depth in narration than Sophos, even (“I should have had more respect for his quick thinking” etc)

"i wanted to believe i steered the course of my future” no it’s Gen aka the gods

47. Story time!

friends

53. Ziggurat vs tower?

54. Costis is good in a crisis

55. what is this (Kamet’s swimming struggles)

“cooped up”

Ch. 3 - Kamet and Costis stay in Sherguz, then leave by caravan

62. making excuses to hang w Costis 4eva

who set the boat on fire?

who was the merchant on it?

68. know my secret??

wtf Costis you put a rock in your breastplate?

73. holy shit “eloquent”

lol this scene! (Costis negotiating with Roamanj)

“you are asking this because i look like your generous old uncle” his uncle is NOT generous tho

75. what is palm grease? :o 

does C really not know N is dead? what if he isn’t ....? (lol don’t give me too much credit for this thought, I quickly dismissed it)

76. sign of the idiot!

78. Aris! <3 Wish I hadn’t been spoiled for this! (by the character list absolutely crammed full of spoilers in all the new paperbacks)

79. Are these like the large caravans Eddis took?

85. around the fire interesting education vibes + romance?

I’m so proud of Costis!

Ch. 4 - Contains lions and backstory

89. Yes! (Namreen attack. I don’t know what in particular I was excited about. Possibly Costis’s comment that the guy who stabbed Kamet didn’t have his guard up? Or just everything.)

90. Wow! When u get over it, compare to Costis w/ Gen hurt!

93. “why namreen” OMG Kamet tell him!!! it’s important!

94. no one knows what my king knows

95. a herd of cats!

damn yeah issues

A LION!!! wtf 

I would LOVE to hear Costis hiss

OMG COSTIS NO

96. prayers ouch ... oxe harbrea?

98. oh my god

101. Costis is kind

105. Costis is accustomed to passing the day in silence - but he fills the silence here w/ Kamet w/ horrible jokes!

god what was K’s childhood

106. OMG sand in food

107. OMG so cute (Costis telling stories about Gen)

108. So so so! :)

110. I am aghast I continue to be aghast I’m surprised This Incident wasn’t common knowledge tho (How did you come to Ianna-Ir? I punched the king in the face.)

112. well that was a long and slightly weird story (abt Costis’s story of the above. I was channelling something Martin says in the Cabin Pressure episode “Fitton” about the sauce?)

116. Attolian slang omg

literally the main suspense/climax is when is Kamet going to call Costis by his name?!?!!!

117. [doodle of caggi conversation, see photo at top of post]

126. omg they were both in Attolia but not together

if Kamet was in the kitchen then does he know Sandy? (LJ fandom name for Brinna before we knew who she was)

127. OMG nutcakes vs Irene (“She was as beautiful as the Queen of the Night, but the Attolian nutcakes ... were even more beautiful -- and they wouldn’t kill you.”)

looks like a nutcake is actually a nutcake

looks like a nutcake could actually kill u? (I THINK ABOUT THIS CONCEPT A LOT. someday I will make a post about it)

Ch. 5 - Road trip continues, Ne Malia/Koadester

131. So proud of Costis’s acting! (losing money to sell the chain)

136. the truth? (Kamet’s backstory)

we’re just getting more (as readers)

140. IT’S ODIN (onion farmer)

143. fastener?

144. wooo (thoughts about “new authority as a free man”)

151. crack in china cup returns

153. Costis you’re sharing your king’s confidence!

154. Eugenides here to break up your empire!

lol Melheret Gen why

156. “squabbles” wars all reduced to reliable trade route!

apparently I became too engrossed to take notes as their pursuers caught up to them, because that’s all for this chapter! The journey will continue when I’ve typed up more ... let me know if anything is incomprehensible. Thanks for reading!