#also the part about smoking and minding your own business etc like ok love that he just dropped this while in the army | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

monstersandmaw · 4 years

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Evening to ya, Ghosti✌️😆

Sorry if the wording sounds silly, but I wanted to ask if you know any rituals I could do for the New Years. 🤣 Christmas hasn't been exactly an easy time for me for various reasons and I tend to get the holiday blues pretty bad, and for a long old while New Years has felt very similar. I'm doing my best to feel hopeful and to have some faith for the new year, but it's turning out to be trickier than I anticipated. So I wanted to ask for suggestions as to do anything that could help feeling more hopeful, I dunno. :3

Though feel free to ignore this if you don't have the energy for it. I hope you had delightful holiday however you celebrated!!! 😊💖💖💖💖

Hey anon! (it’s now afternoon here in the UK, and it was morning when I started this! I got a bit carried away). I don’t know that I’m necessarily the right person to ask about this, but here are some ideas of things I’ve found helpful/centring/calming anyway which you could draw from. Other folks, please feel free to chime in with your favourite ways to put the old year to bed and welcome in the new one!

(first of all, I’m sending you lots of virtual ghostli hugs to help drive away those holiday blues. That sucks, and I’m so sorry it’s been so tough for you.)

Here’s a rundown of what’s below, and I’ll put in a ‘keep reading’ so that it’s not an incredibly long post! Some of it is more on the ‘spiritutal’ side of things, and others are just mundane and practical things.

Congratulate yourself on making it through the clusterfuck that was 2020

Make some tea and meditate on what’s been and what you wish for

Go outside, be still, and breathe deeply

Let go of negative events and thoughts by writing them down, then safely burning the paper

Disconnect from social media for a few days (or however long you’re comfortable with)

Start a bullet journal

Write lists of goals for 2021 and then refine/distill them down to 3 manageable objectives

Commit 100% to 6 months of positive change

Pick three dates/months in the year when good things will happen, and make them happen (including growing veg/fruit)

Light a candle on the full moon or New Year

Ok, so, first of all, you’ve made it through this year!! That’s no small accomplishment, given the sheer volume of absolute shite that has been flung at us from all angles, no matter where in the world you live. Celebrate that. Seriously, I’m not being flippant. Take a moment of stillness wherever you are, be ‘present’, and just think about the fact that you’re here, right now, reading this post. Not everyone is here any more for one reason or another, but you did it. Congratulate yourself and celebrate that. Treat yourself to a slice of cake (or something you really enjoy) specifically to celebrate making it through 2020.

Make a cup of tea (try a new blend or recipe perhaps, or stick with your absolute favourite), or make a comforting drink of your choice. As you pour the water into the cup, breathe in the steam and enjoy the scent of it. Try and imbue all the positive things - memories, achievements, moments etc. - that you encountered this year into the tea/drink, and think about them growing in strength as the tea steeps, and envisage them continuing on to next year too. When you drink the tea, you take the positive thoughts into yourself and they become a part of you. You could try it in the morning with a caffeinated drink (if you enjoy those) and let it fuel you for the day, or you could try a herbal tea at night to let the good vibes steep overnight while you rest. Make it part of your daily routine; a private meditation.

Go outside and find a quiet spot somewhere and either stand or sit and just soak up the atmosphere. If there’s a tree nearby, think about the way its roots are planted in the earth, its trunk stands tall, and its branches reach towards the sky. Feel that space inside you. Breathe deeply in and out, visualising your lungs filling to the deepest parts, starting at the bottom. Count to four for each inhale, and six out (or whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as the exhale is longer than the inhale). This will help to still you and calm you.

If you have something fireproof (can just be a ceramic bowl), take a piece of paper and make a moment to write down all the negative things about this year, using a pen that you’re comfortable with. If you’re not one for words, draw pictures. You can make it really beautiful or just scribble it all down - it doesn’t matter. Get that shit out. Look at it for a while and read it through, mentally letting go of each thing as your eyes pass over it, then light one corner (carefully!!!) and let it burn somewhere with good ventilation (a cooker hood is good for that, but outside is better). Visualise all that negativity being swallowed by the universe and let it go. My favourite line from the Seamus Heaney translation of Beowulf comes at Beowulf’s funeral when a Geat woman is singing her grief at his passing to the sky, and there’s the simple sentence: “Heaven swallowed the smoke.” How beautiful is that? The sky swallowed up her grief as she poured it out to the universe. The negativity might take some time to vanish from your life (it’s not going to disappear at the same time as the paper, sadly!), but watching it go can be the first stage of letting things go. I did this last year, and I’m only just letting go of the last things on that list, but it was a start, and it made me feel more at peace.

Disconnect from social media. I know that with so much more happening online this year out of necessity, we’ve become even more dependant on our phones and computers, and it’s wonderful that we have this chance to connect with people when we can’t see them face to face, but social media can also act as a crucible for negative feelings. People usually post the best or the worst aspects of what’s going on for them or what they care about, so it leads to a skewed view of both the world and of what’s going on amongst our connections. It’s easy to start feeling insignificant next to someone else because of their achievements or their looks etc. and it’s also easy to start to get a bleak outlook when the news is full of terrible stories and people are reacting to it in a volatile and often knee-jerk way. Take some time off - uninstall the apps, or put the limiter setting on, or just step back - for a day, two days, a week, whatever you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be forever. If you use those platforms to talk to people, tell them what you’re doing, and give them another way to reach you if they need. No need to isolate yourself completely!! Think about how you felt before you started it (write it down?) and do the same afterwards, and compare. If it didn’t work for you, then that’s fine too.

Start a bullet journal! Now is the perfect time to start bullet journaling. I first started this year when I felt like time was slipping through my fingers and my life was out of my control, and it’s really helped me to get a sense of order back. It’s not the magic cure-all for procrastinators and time wasters, trust me, but it can help to organise your mind as well as your day, and keep track of your habits etc. It can be literally whatever tool you need it to be. There’s a trend on social media - particularly Instagram and YouTube - that shows off these gorgeous journals that are basically works of art in themselves, and while it’s absolutely fine to aspire to that if you want to, the essential point of the bullet journal is to be a tool. You can buy print-outs from Etsy if you don’t fancy doing your own spreads. But don’t get completely hung up on pretty spreads and layouts because you won’t use it fully then. If you’ve got ‘new book fear’, like I did, make your own! I literally started my journaling by folding a few pieces of paper over, slapping a few stickers on them to cheer them up, and writing some lists. I didn’t buy a ‘proper’ journal until July 2020 when I’d got the hang of what I wanted out of the tool, and how to use it. I adapted one or two things, and I’ll be changing one or two things for next year, but it was a good way to start.

Here are two ‘minimalist’ journals and styles that I found helpful when setting mine up. They focus on usefulness and practicality, rather than overwhelming, artistic spreads and cutesy designs. I’m about to do a ‘plan with me 2021’ journal video for YouTube, so I’ll put that up when I’ve finished it, in case that’s helpful.

Elsa Rhae

Pick Up Limes

Write down the things you want to achieve for 2021. These can be more abstract concepts like ‘more organised’ ‘healthier’ ‘start a business’ etc. Then, when you’ve got as many things as you’d ideally love to achieve/accomplish/manifest (don’t hold back at that stage), take another piece of paper and choose a maximum of six from that first lot to focus on, and below that, choose just three absolutely essential things to focus on. Make those your things for 2021.

Now, this one is a personal one for me, so it may not be applicable at all to you/others, but I’ll share it anyway. For me, I need to make some significant lifestyle changes for my physical and mental health. So, I’ve decided to commit to 6 months of really hard work to bring about those changes. Time is going to pass anyway, from January to June. Six months will come and go anyway. Where will I be in six months’ time? I could be physically and mentally exactly where I am today. That thought is super depressing to me. Or, I could devote 200% focus, commitment, and energy, and bring about those changes, and be the ‘me’ I want to be in six months’ time.

It’s like the adage of ‘given a week to write a speech, it will take you a week, but given a day to write the same speech, it will take you a day’ - your brain will tell you it takes the amount of time that you have at hand to accomplish the task, and that’s simply how long it then takes. Use those three things from the 2021 list above, and commit to making those three things happen.

As an aside, tell someone (whose opinions you value) that you’re going to do this. By telling someone, you’re helping to cement the idea in reality, and you’ve got a support to turn to if it gets rocky, someone to cheer you on, and someone to celebrate with who knew what a struggle and commitment this was to you in the first place.

Pick three points in the year where good things will happen. Book yourself something nice, save up for something and have it delivered then, or tell yourself that you will have achieved [x] by May, or September, or December. For me, it’s a working draft of my novel, and certain health goals by October, but make it yours, and keep those points fixed in your mind. It will help 2021 not to be one amorphous mass of time, and will give it structure and form. You could also choose to grow something in a pot - lots of vegetables can be grown cheaply from seed in a pot on a windowsill, and you’ll have something tasty to eat at the end of it!!

Here’s a slightly gentler idea to finish with:

On New Year’s Eve take a moment to yourself, go outside if it’s not raining or too cold etc., light a candle, hold it (safely) in your hands, and be still. It doesn’t have to be exactly at midnight, but it will help your focus if it’s dark. Otherwise, go to a quiet part of the house and turn the lights down so that the candle flame is your focus. As before, think about what you’ve achieved this year, and be honest, not just negative! It’s very easy to say ‘oh I didn’t achieve anything, it all sucks, it was all awful’, when there will be tiny victories tucked away in there, I promise you, even if it was the toughest year of your life. Then think about where you are at the moment, mentally and physically. Acknowledge that state of being. Look at it with honest eyes. This moment is not for anyone else, so you don’t need to colour it one way or another. It’s for you. If you’re finding it hard not to be negative, be neutral. Let those thoughts come and go, and then turn your mind to the future. Mentally feed those negative thoughts into the flame in front of you, one at a time. Say it out loud if that helps, but do what makes you comfortable. Let the light from the flame fill your mind and your heart, and think about your intentions for the new year.

Tonight (30th Dec) is a full moon, so if that is significant for you, you may wish to do this tonight instead of tomorrow.

I hope that some of that gives you some inspiration, and I hope that people will chime in with their own new year’s rituals and habits. Be honest with yourself but not harsh, and be positive but not unrealistic. This year has been one hell of a ride, and we’re not done yet... Here in the UK, we’ve got the highest numbers of Covid that we’ve ever had, we’re in the harshest lock down (Tier 4) and can’t visit anyone, and we’re also going through Brexit (which is proving a nightmare for everyone, especially small businesses...).

Control the things you can control, and learn and employ systems to ride out the things that are beyond your influence. And take heart - you have a family of folks on here, all across the world!

#new year ritual #new year #resolutions #new year resolutions #rituals #ritual

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yoimeta · 5 years

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Hi everyone! I noticed recently that the "KAZAKHSTAN 101 OR HOW TO OTABEK" post seems to have been taken off of tumblr? The author's whole blog seems to have been wiped. Do you know if this is archived anywhere? Is there a mirror, say, on Ao3?

Hello!

Thankfully, I managed to find what I believe is the original post. Here it is! The post is archived in plain text under the cut.

Hope this helps!

- Ji

Source: @sawyer-aik

KAZAKHSTAN 101 OR HOW TO OTABEK

THERE YOU GO YURI ON ICE FANDOM.

Disclaimer: this is in no way a fully comprehensive guide. This is just me trying to put together basics for people who are unfamiliar with Kazakhstan/Kazakhs to start their writing/research.

I am an ethnic Kazakh female, citizen of Kazakhstan, Almaty, bisexual, upper middle class, currently in college in the US. My experience is in no way representative of all kazakhs and Kazakhstan citizens. However, I think it’s pretty close to Otabek’s.

This is really, really long and kinda convoluted, but if you can bear it –– welcome!

Name: Many people have talked about Otabek’s name. This is how you shorten it –– “Bek”, “Beka”, or “Beks” if you wanna be really familiar and laid back.

Kazakhs don’t have middle names, we have patronymics. They are formed like this: the father’s name + ‘uly’ if the child is a boy or ‘kyzy’ is the child is a girl. For example, Otabek’s childrens’ patronymics would be Otabekuly and Otabekkyzy.

About Almaty and almatinians: Ok I’m so happy Otabek is from Almaty, I really don’t know much about life in other cities or rural areas. Almatinians rarely do. Comparing Almaty lifestyle to the rest of Kazakhstan is the same as comparing NYC to the rest of America –– it’s not representative of the quality of life in the country, like, at all.

Almaty has 2.5+ million population, and it grows every year. It’s a cultural and economic centre of the country. Apples originate from Almaty (!!!), hence the name from “Alma” –– apple. Almatinians are usually stereotyped as fast, brash and snobby –– kinda like New Yorkers, right? Almaty is much more tolerant and progressive, and also more ‘Western’ than the rest of the country in terms of mindset. Almatinians kinda look down on non-Almatinians, and really dislike the capital Astana because of all the funding and attention it gets.

Almaty has a great ethnic diversity –– main groups are Kazakhs, Russians, Uygur, Koreans, Germans, Jews, Uzbek, and many more. Though stereotypical jokes are generally acceptable, outright hate and discrimination against an ethnic group is not tolerated. Many foreigners visit here for business –– mostly Americans, Western Europeans and Chinese.

Almatinians love: coffeeshops, mall sales, cool cars (Hello Otabek’s motorcycle), smoking hukkah and vaping. They are usually concerned with status and try to show off their wealth. You can see people of all kind of different style and background in Almaty, fashion shows are held there, contemporary art and indie-music congregates there, along with all kinds of fancy ass crowd. It is a really interesting and kinda exhausting scene, especially if you are young and wanna have fun.

Language, culture, food, etc.

As an Almatinian Kazakh, Otabek is definitely fluent in both Russian and Kazakh, and probably has a very good grasp on English. He is a master of shala kazakh. Shala kazakh is a magic language that only city Kazakhs are privy to. It’s basically a wild mix of kazakh, russian and some fashionable english slang thrown in there. It’s usual for me to start a conversation with “OMG bro” and then kinda pull my speech together, substituting kazakh and russian words with each other and pepper it with “cool”, “ok” and other english exclamations. It’s not grammatically correct and is kinda lowbrow, but we all do it. Yes, even our parents. This is how Otabek sounds when he is talking to someone from home. Terrifying.

Nuclear family: City Kazakhs usually have two or three kids. That’s less than people have in rural areas. Children are important in Kazakh culture because they carry the family’s bloodline and history, especially boys. If you headcanon Otabek as having brothers and sisters, you are probably right! His family should be at least sort of wealthy to afford all the expenses of having a professional athlete for a child. Otabek has an expensive bike and his clothes look high-end –– he is definitely not poor.

Family in general. Kazakhs are close, VERY CLOSE to their family. Mind you, family is not just parents and siblings but also your grandparents, aunts and uncles and like all 173 cousins and nieces and nephews. Everyone is ridiculously involved in your life, always there with advice and complaints. You stay connected to your parents when you move out, when you get married, when you have kids, when you DIE. When Otabek misses the weekly skype dates or check-in phone calls, HE IS SHAMED SO HARD. Do you know grandma is worried about you, think about how old she is! Otabek’s relatives brag about his achievements like they moved him up the career ladder personally, with their own two hands. There’s nothing Otabek can really do about it tho he gets annoyed

Food: city Kazakhs have a very diverse cuisine. Traditional kazakh food is like 50% batter and 50% meat and takes long ass time to prepare so we reserve it for the holidays. My family loves fish, russian dishes such as borsht and blini, Uzbek lagman, Korean kimchi tho we try to avoid pork. And it’s not like we choose one day as a “Russian cuisine day”, we just kinda??? Deside to have some borsht today?? Almaty has lots of different restaurants, almatinians love sushi, pizza and pasta, shashlyk, all kinds of experimental foods and trying new things. Kumys –– mare’s milk –– is one of the things you should try in Kazakhstan as a turist, but I know many kazakhs who have never had it or don’t like it. They say it’s really good for you tho.

Holidays: ethnic Kazakhs in Kazakhstan celebrate: birthdays, New Years, Eid al-Adha which we call Kurban Bairam, Independence Day on December 16th and Nauryz on March 22nd. Young people kinda have get togethers on Halloween because it’s fun and a reason to hang out. Nauryz is one of my faves, it’s a pagan holiday of coming of spring and new life. On Nauryz, Almaty is adorned with flowers, yurts and giant swings are set on the city square, people wear traditional clothing and dance and play and eat a lot. My family also ended up celebrating Eastern Orthdox Christmas and Easter because each year our Russian friends invite us to hang out and celebrate with them, lol.

LGBTQIA+

Main principle is “Don’t ask, don’t tell”. General conflict avoidance protocols are in place. I personally know like 3 LGBT friendly hubs/clubs in Almaty. Nobody explicitly says “gay clubs” but people just kinda know what and where those are. There are get togethers and meetings you can attend to meet people, you can hang out with your significant other in public, hug, hold hands and no one would probably say anything. Colleges and universities are generally safe places, many of my friends are out in their college and don’t face any trouble. PDA will be frowned upon, but all PDA is generally frowned upon in Kazakhstan, even hetero. Feminist and sex-positive initiatives try to educate the populace and break the status quo, and are doing really well but the government’s disposition is homophobic. If your family is religious or traditional, they probably wouldn’t go as far as disowning you, but will probably pressure and guilt-trip you. LGBT+ youth generally plan to move somewhere else or just not settle. All of this is Almaty situation tho. Being LGBT in rural area is much more dangerous.

THE BEST PART: VOCABULARY

Ok this is what I find to be the easiest way to explain Kazakh to English speakers: think Turkish but written in cyrillic, with words borrowed from Arabic and Russian.

Endearments:

zhanym, жаным: my soul. Zhanym is everything to a Kazakh. You can use it for your family, friends, SO, I called my laptop zhanym today. It can be flirty, it can be serious. If you need Otabek to be affectionate with someone, use zhanym.

ainalaiyn, айналайын: really hard to translate but something like my precious?? Usually used towards small kids, but also if a Kazakh finds something really cute.

altynym, my golden baby. I love this one for obvious reasons, lol, hi, Otabek.

Mahabbatym, махаббатым, my love +

Suiktim, сүйіктім. my love, my dear. Kinda old fashioned but really romantic. I can see Otabek using this, but he will be teased and called an old sap if he does.

Kazakh have a lot more endearments, but most of them are for children.

Basic interaction and exclamations:

Iya. Ия. Yes.

Zhok. Жоқ. No

Rakhmet. Рахмет. Thank you.

Keshir. Кешір. Sorry.

Salem, Сәлем. Hello. A familiar greeting.

Sau bol, Сау бол. Literally “Be well” but actually means goodbye. Pretty familiar too.

O Kudai, О Құдай/O Allah, О Алла! Oh my god, obviously. Used in all kinds of different situations.

Oibai, Ойбай! How does one explain oibai. When a friend jump scares you, when you receive bad news, when you check your bank account –– oibai!

Abai bol, Абай бол. Be careful, is what your mom tells you when you go out.

Expletives and Swear Words. Yeeaaah the juicy stuff.

Zhyndy, Жынды. Crazy. If someone is being stupid or inappropriate, you call them zhyndy. When you tell a dumb joke at the familty table, mom smacks you upside the head and hisses “Ooooi, zhyndy!” When Jean-Jaques is acting a fool and makes out with his reflection, Otabek rolls his eyes and mutters “Zhyndy”.

Akymak. Ақымақ. Idiot. When someone is just dumb and not worth your time.

Ittin balasy. И��тің баласы. Child of a dog. It can be as harmless as “you pup” and as offensive as “son of a bitch” depending on the situation.

Kotindy kys. Көтіңді қыс. Squeeze you ass. God I love this one. When someone being an obnoxious wannabe, tell them they should squeeze their ass and check themselves.

Jean-Jaques: I am gonna be the King of the Grand Prix!

Otabek: Kotindy kys.

Shygasyn ba?! Шығасың ба?! You wanna go bro?! Ohh, someone is gonna catch these Kazakh fists.

Sigil. Сігіл. Basically go fuck yourself.

Sheshen ahmy/Sheshen sigem. Шешең амы/Шешең сігем. Your mother’s c*nt/Imma fuck your mother. REALLY FUCKING OFFENSIVE. Say this to a Kazakh if you have a death wish.

——————————————————————————————-

AND THEEEEEEERE YOU GO.

Again, this is just the basics. Do more research and talk to as many Kazakhs and Kazakhstani people as you can. We are a different but usually an interesting bunch. Thanks for your attention, Sawyer out!

#yoimeta #solosvejs #answered #Otabek Altin #yoi meta

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psycheswritings · 5 years

Text

Nothing’s Fair in Love and War - Two

Title: Nothing’s Fair in Love and War

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Original Female Character (Daphne Scott)

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of violence (not too much, tough)

Word Count: 4245

Author's Note: Happy New Year, everyone. Here's another part of Daphne and Thomas story. Hope you all like it. I want to thank everyone who liked/commented on the previous part, it makes me very happy to know that you are enjoying it. I will try to uptade it every tuesday/wednesday.

A special thanks to @livvtheangel for the lovely feedback, it made me really happy.

As always, this haven’t been proofread, so feel free to report any mistakes back to me; warnings are expecific for each chapter. Also, your feedback is also highly appreciated.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Tommy tries to discover more about Daphne while making the necessary arrangements for his deal with Solomons. In the meanwhile, Daphne meets some old friends that try to ease her worries about Alfie hiding things from her and starts to question her feelings towards the Brummie ganster.

Two

“What did you discovered?” Tommy asked to John when he entered the private room of the Garrison.

“Not much.” Arthur was right behind him, closing the door. They both took his sits before John started talking. “Her name is Daphne Jane Scott, she was born in London, same year as me, appeared in Camden Town with Solomons after the war. She lives with him since them, always worked at the bakery, they are usually together in social events but despite the rumors about them people in Camden Town seem to believe that they have a brother-sister relationship.” Tommy exhaled a puff of air and smoke seemed uninterested, even when he was the one who requested his brothers to do some research in Daphne’s past.

“Some people believe that she serve in France.” Arthur said catching Thomas attention.

“Can we try to locate her file?” John and Arthur shared a look, before the first spoke.

“We can try, but if Solomons is really that invested in her I believe that it won’t be easy.”

“Do it, anyways. It doesn’t matter if it takes some time.”

“Tommy, why are you so interested in this girl?” Arthur asked, toking a sip of his whisky. “I mean, she is beautiful and all but you could have any other woman.” Thomas didn’t answer right away because even he was not sure why he was interested in the woman. After the whole ordeal with Grace, he should want to avoid mysterious woman but Daphne had something that he couldn’t explain.

“There’s something about her...” He got up, putting his jacket before speaking. “Find the file and bring it to me.” After he left, Arthur and John looked at each other, intrigued by his behavior.

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“You are worried.” His voice startled Daphne out of her thoughts and she raised her eyes to look at the man in question. From her spot at the door, she could observe him working – William was still with his scrub, organizing a few things in his office on a secluded area of the hospital, it was more modest than what you would expect of the eldest son of one of the most influential families in London.

He was a beautiful man – tall, lean but strong, a beard well-kept adorning his face, brown curly hair a little unruly and a pair of deep blue eyes that made all the women gasp at the sight of him – but what really got Daphne every time was his kindness. For a man born in one of the richest families in London, William was more down to earth than anybody could expect. Despite their bickering when they first met each other, the pair developed a strong friendship along the years. He was one of the few people that really knew her and her history.

“It’s nothing.” William laughed at that while closing the cabinet of medications right behind his desk.

“Nothing? That’s why you didn’t paid attention to anything I’ve said since you arrived here? I just said to you that Jane is going to marry and you said that it was a shame!” He looked at her with a half-smile and she couldn’t hold her own smile back, shaking her head in the process.

“I’m sorry. It’s just business, it will be over soon.” At least that was what she hoped, even when deep down Daphne had a feeling that things wouldn’t be so simple anymore. “Jane finally decided to end Charles misery, huh?” William sighed at that, stopping to take off his scrubs and replace it with his coat.

“In my opinion they are rushing into things but Charles received a proposal to go to America. I think that forced her to make her decision. Couldn’t think about all the American women swooning all over her fiancé.” Daphne smiled at her friend’s attitude because she knew that his constant bickering about the engagement of his sister and his best friend was just his way of showing older brother protectiveness. It always made her feel bittersweet, even more when she got to see the both Weston siblings together.

“Rush into things? They have been together for what, four years?”

“Yeah, more or less.”

“You’re just worried that you’ll lose you little sister.” He held one hand to his heart faking a gasp.

“Now you wound me, Daphne Scott.” The young doctor walked to her, stopping right in front of the woman. “And you’re trying to redirect. Don’t go thinking that I forgot your stupid little excuse for why you’re so worried.” Daphne sighed. She should know better than to try hiding things from him.

“Come on. Let’s eat something and I will tell you what I can.” He smiled, seeming satisfied with her answer, closing the door behind them and offering his arm to her and the pair left the hospital towards one of the cafes near the area. They talked a little on the way there, little things about Jane and his family, and Daphne had some hope that he would forget about his inquiry at the office. She should have known better.

“Ok, now you tell me what’s bothering you so much. Alfie didn’t listened to you again, huh?” He looked at her from behind his cup of tea while taking a sip.

“When does he?” She answered, rolling her eyes much to William’s delight.

“Well, knowing him I’m pretty sure that he listens to you a lot more than any other person.” Daphne took a deep breath, looking at the people talking and laughing around them. She knew that it was true, Alfie did listened to her most part of the time, but sometimes he frustrated her to no ends with his stubbornness.

“He’s playing something that I’m not sure if he will be able to handle.”

“That bad?” There was a hint of concern in his question. William and Alfie had created some strange type of friendship over the years, most part for her sake, but the both of them always asked about one another.

“That’s the problem: I don’t know. He’s been keeping things from me, he thinks I didn’t notice but I did.” They stayed in silence while the waiter came to the table with their food.

“It will do you no good overthink about it. You will have to wait and see what happens.” She knew that he was right, but her mind never seemed to listen to her.

“I just hope that this doesn’t blow out on our faces.”

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“Next lad.” A man enters the office and stops right in front of Alfie’s desk. “Name?”

“Abbey Heath.”

“Abbey Heath. Profession?”

“Baker.”

“Good lad. Fill it out and fuck off.” The Jew gives the man a folded paper while Ollie throws an apron at him before he leaves. The scene repeats itself without many changes until one of them caught Alfie’s attention.

“Next lad. Name?”

“Billy Kitchen.”

“Billy Kitchen. Occupation?”

“Head baker.” The way he says it makes Alfie take his eyes off of the papers to look at him. The man has an air of defiance, holding his head high.

“Fill it out.” The gangster said with a forced half smile, throwing the paper on the desk for the man to take, Ollie gave him the apron on his way out. They observed the man leave and Ollie took a step towards his boss while Alfie talked to him and moved his glasses. “Ah, Tommy Shelby, mate. Never give power to the big man, what did I tell you? Hmm? Never give power to the big man. Did Daphne came back already?”

“No, she’s not back yet.” Alfie scratched his beard in thinking; maybe it was better if she did not came back in time.

“Hmm. Next lad.”

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“Tommy. Good to see you, mate.” The two man shook hands and Tommy noticed right away the lack of the feminine presence in the distillery.

“Alfie. What do you think?” They observed the men being organized in the bigger room by Billy Kitchen.

“Don’t know yet, man. Let’s give them the instructions, yeah.” They both entered the precinct, Alfie stood closer to the wall, arms crossed in front of him. It was a good place to observe how Tommy worked and it gave him a menacing vibe that could come handy. Tommy started pacing in front of the men while he lit a cigarette and started explaining how things would work.

“All right boys, you've now all been enrolled as bakers in the Aerated Bread Company of Camden Town. If anyone asks, that's what you do. You're bakers. The coppers in Camden Town are on our side but north or south, you show them that piece of paper. Tell them you've come down from north to find work. To break strikes. Tell them you're fascists if you have to. We're finding lodgings for you but for now, you'll sleep here in the bakery. Don't touch any of the bread, it'll most likely explode. Any questions?” One of the man raised his hand. “Yes?”

“I haven't even seen any bread.” He says looking around and laughing with the other men. Tommy looks at Alfie, clearing his throat and continuing to smoke his cigarette. Seconds pass before Alfie approaches the man that made the joke, Buddy. He just stares at him for a couple of seconds before striking the man standing beside with his cane before looking at Buddy again, cane still in hand. Silence filled the room.

“He'll wake up. Well, he won't have any teeth left but he will be a wiser man for it.” Tommy and Ollie were behind him, none of them seemed surprised by the attitude. “And the last thing he will remember is your funny little joke, won't he?” Alfie paused before shouting in the man’s face and start walking. “RIGHT! There are fucking rules here, yeah? Yeah. There are fucking rules, for a fucking reason. Quite simply, they have to be obeyed. All right? Rule number one: the distinction between bread and rum... IT'S NOT DISCUSSED. Rule number two: anything, right, that your superior officer says to you or any of your other fucking superior officers say to you, yeah? NOT DISCUSSED! Rule number three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine... I don't care. For the rest of your fucking miserable, measly lives, yeah? Because I, like you, I am also a complete fucking sodomite.” In that moment, Daphne appeared at the entrance of the room, the men started to look at each other, not having the courage to talk but all intrigued by the woman. Alfie turned to look at her. Damn, the woman always seemed to arrive exactly on the time he needed her to. He recognized the question in her eyes but just ignored it because he knew she would play along. “Jewish women.” He said in a lower tone. “You do not go anywhere near them because Jewish women for you are off the fucking menu. I think that's fair.” He stopped talking and looked at Billy who was right in front of him for a minute. The self-titled ‘head-backer’ held his gaze for a moment before looking away. Alfie then turned to look at the man on the ground before looking at Tommy. “Hm... Oh, that's it then. Forgive me, I interrupted you.” The Jew walked away and stopped right beside Daphne. None of the men, besides Billy Kitchen, dared to look at them.

“Pick him up.” Tommy said motioning the man still unconscious on the ground, walking towards Billy Kitchen, talking to him in a whisper. “Get them out of here and make this fucking work.” They observed the man leave and Tommy took the opportunity to look at Daphne. She was dressed similarly as the day she appeared at the Garrison – a simple blue dress that ended a little bellow her knees, fitted at her waist but loose on the skirt, the neckline was a little open, showing the locket that she always seemed to be with – she caught his eye and smiled at him before Alfie directed them to his office, dismissing Ollie.

“How’s William?” That was the first thing Alfie asked when they entered his office. She raised her brows in question while Thomas closed the door.

“He’s fine. Send you his regards and asked to schedule dinner, said it has been a while.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s been a while.” He looked at Tommy, who stood beside Daphne, seemingly uninterested in the conversation, looking at the ground, and smiled. “Right, let’s talk business.”

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Ada was sitting in the living room when she heard the noise of the front door closing. Immediately she got up and took the gun from her purse, pointing it at the door right in the moment it opened. She was more than surprised to see Tommy entering with his peaky hat in hand. He laughed when he saw the gun in her hands, before closing the door behind him.

“You've got a key!”

“I kept a spare.” He shrugged.

“Give it to me.” Tommy smiled, throwing the key in the air and catching it while he walked towards his sister. Ada took the key from him and put it away at the same time that Tommy looked around before sitting in the spare seat.

“Could do with some paint, eh?”

“Yeah, when I decide.” She observes her brother picking a book from the pile on the ground, taking a look at it and putting it back down, before sitting back in her own chair, arms crossed in front of her, sighing. “What is it that you want, Tommy?”

“Just came by to say hello.”

“Huh. Tommy Shelby never goes anywhere for no reason.” He sighs, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Right. Daphne. Where did you met her?” Ada laughs, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

“What does it concern you?”

“I need to know more about her.” He simply said. It was true. Maybe not the whole truth, but true, anyways.

“To what? Fuck her and then leave her? She deserves better than that.” She knew she was pressing him but Ada needed to know his intentions towards the woman.

“She works for Solomons.” Tommy noticed that his sisters didn’t seemed surprised. He hoped to use Daphne’s connection to Alfie as an ace to make Ada talk but by her expression, she already knew that.

“I know.”

“Then tell me what you know about her.” The siblings stared at each other for a minute before Tommy pressed again. “I swear it’s for business.”

“I don’t know much, she is pretty reserved. We met in a café downtown. She comes from a wealthy family from the countryside, has medical training as a nurse, is well educated and works with Solomons as his treasurer.”

“Medical training?” The gangster looked at his sister, frowning.

“Yeah. Don’t know much more. She is almost worse than you when it comes to personal information. But she is a good woman.” Tommy wasn’t sure if Ada said that as a way to make him more interested in Daphne or as a warning that she didn’t deserved to be ruined by him. Probably both. “But there’s something more. You didn’t came all the way here just to ask about Daph, you could have learned a lot more about her in other ways. What is it?” It didn’t go unnoticed by him the use of a nickname, that could only mean that Daphne and his sister where more close than he predicted.

“I've got eight hundred pounds left in the Shelby Property fund. And I need somebody down here to look for suitable properties.”

“To rent?”

“Yes.”

“To poor people.” Tommy looks at her. “Ten to a room. No repairs, no water. And if they complain you just send Arthur and the boys around.” He looks around taking a deep breath. “You know, I give advice down at the library. Families, thrown on the street. It's men like you we're fighting.”

“Well, anyway, I was just passing.” He gets up and starts walking to the door. “Thanks for the tea.” Ada calls him before she can contain herself.

“Tommy?” He stops and turns to look at her. “There are always men outside, watching the house.”

“Yeah. Gangsters of the worst kind.” He mocks. “They're there to keep you safe.”

“No, there are others. They looks like coppers.”

“Well, they're on your side as well.”

“I don't have a fucking side.” Ada says annoyed.

“Ada, yes, you do. Anyway, if I thought there was no one watching the house, I couldn't sleep.” She looks at him taken by surprise but he cuts the moment short by leaving. “Cheerio then.” When the door closes behind him, Ada keeps staring at it for a long time. Of course that she knew that Tommy cared for her – for the whole family – but for him to admit it out loud was a rare occurrence nowadays. She couldn’t stop herself of thinking that maybe this had something to do with his sudden interest in Daphne.

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“You’ve been awfully quiet these days.” Daphne was leaning into the window-sill, looking out when he approached her, stopping right at her side.

“You know that I don’t like this time of the year.” Her eyes met his and Alfie recognizes the pain behind them.

“Aye, I know, your birthday. But this isn’t all.” He looked at her again before asking. “You still worried about Tommy?”

“Tommy, huh?” Alfie waved her off and she laughed at his antics. “Yeah, I’m still worried about it.”

“You shouldn’t. Everything’s going accord to the plan.” He looked at the almost empty streets of London trying to hide something from her that Daphne couldn’t put her finger on.

“And what’s the plan, Alfie?” Alfie didn’t answer right away. In fact, he did nothing to acknowledge her question but she waited nevertheless, observing as he changed his weight from one foot to another, the way he twitched his fingers… After some time he turned to look at her.

“Do you trust me?”

“I do. Why are you asking me that?” Her straight answer didn’t surprised him, considering all that they had come through together. Yet, it still felt like some king of punishment for lying to her.

“Because sometimes I wish you didn’t.” At that she turned to him completely.

“Where did that came from?” She knew that he was hiding something but confronting him directly never reached its intended purpose.

“Don’t worry about it, aye. Don’t listen to me, I’m just getting old and cranky.” That made Daphne smile, Alfie took a step closer to her, placing his large hands in both of her arms while looking at her. “I’m just worried about you.” Because of Tommy and his men – he didn’t needed to say it, she knew.

“I know how to fend for myself.”

“I know.” It’s been a while since they hugged each other but it always felt welcoming. Alfie draped his arms around Daphne’s smaller frame, resting his head on top of hers whilst she entwined her arms around his waist, leaning her head on his chest. “There are some days that I wish he was still alive. Keep thinking about what he would thought about it all.” The woman took a deep breath, closing her eyes, a flood of memories passing behind her eyelids.

“Me too, Alfie. Me too.”

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“There'll be another four boat loads tomorrow. What's up, Charlie? Business is good.” Tommy was leaning into a pile of boxes observing the men working with his uncle.

“This isn't business, this is bloody work. Cigarettes and booze is all right but this... this manufactured stuff, it's heavy. I'm not even sure it's stolen.” Charlie looked at his nephew a little unsure and Tommy just shook his head.

“Some of it is legally purchased. One day, all of it will be.”

“It's like having a fucking job.” The older man complained before yeling at one of the boys. “Easy with them fan belts.” Tommy smiled, taking another drag form his cigarette. “Wipe that smile off of your face. I want another pound a boat.”

“Done.” Charles laughed.

“You don't even fight me anymore. It has something to do with that woman from London!” Tommy arched his eyebrows at that. “Yeah, it’s all the men talk about: the beautiful woman from Camden Town that came all the way from London to talk to you.”

“She’s with Solomons.” For some reason his talk with Ada came up in his mind and Tommy felt the need to prevent Daphne’s name being attached to his. He knew that people already talked about her and Alfie being together but most part of the rumors were spread by people that didn’t knew them. If they thought that her relationship with him was anything but profession she could be, indeed, ruined.

“That’s not what I heard.” They just stared at each other for some moments before Charlie changed the subject. “And there's no sport getting through the Black Country with this truce. They just fucking wave at you from the bank.”

“You just wave back, all right?” Tommy patted his uncle’s arm before leaving.

“And all these fucking cars? When did you last ride a horse, Tom?”

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Daphne just smiled to herself when she saw Harriet coming down the stairs with a disheveled Alfie right behind her.

“Daph! It’s so good to see you!” The woman came straight to her, taking her in what could be called a bear hug. “It’s been a while, Alfie has been hogging you.” She gave him a pointed look and he just scratched the back of his head, sighing.

“It’s a little bit of my fault two. The last few weeks haven’t been the best.” Harriet’s deep brown eyes studied the other woman’s reaction and her expression softened.

“I know, I know, darling. Maybe I can stole you for tea?” Daphne had a feeling that Alfie was going to say something, but Harriet had already hooked her arms with Daphne’s directing them towards the door. “See you, Alfred!” The courtesan shouted before the two of them left the house and all that Daphne could recognize was Alfie’s voice saying ‘Damn, woman’.”

When the two of them were sat comfortably in Harriet’s office, the one in her apartment just down the street, each one of them with a cup of tea in their hands, Harriet took a moment to analyze her friend better. For anyone that didn’t knew her, Daphne could have looked normal, but her friend knew her well enough to notice the signs of tiredness and worry in the other woman’s behavior.

“You’re not sleeping well.” Daphne met the statement with a sigh.

“I never do at this time of the year.” Harriet knew that to. They had shared rooms for a long time, sometimes even sleeping on the same bed, it was difficult not to notice the tossing and turning of Daphne’s nightmares.

“You’re planning something for this year?”

“No. But I’m sure that Alfie is.” The courtesan laughed, taking another sip of her tea.

“He wants to show his little sister off.” Daphne rolled her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not his only intention.” Harriet knew that too – Alfie never took his promise of protecting Daphne lightly and her birthday was the perfect occasion for him to show to everyone that anybody that messed with her would be messing with him.

“I heard that you met with the leader of the Blinders. How is he?” Daphne raised her brows at that.

“Alfie told you that?”

“I coarsed it out of him.” Harriet smiled and the other woman only laughed.

“I’m pretty sure that you did.”

“Don’t redirect, honey. Tell, me.”

“Why are you so interested in this?” More often than not, Daphne ignored the fact that she knew Harriet gave Alfie information about what the two talked. Most part of the time both her friend’s intentions were good and deep down she knew that the woman would never betray her, so she just brushed it off and used it at her advantage too.

“Can a friend be curious about her friend’s life?”

“Alfie told you something. Come on, what is it?” Harriet rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“I swear to God, sometimes I forget you two aren’t related. It’s unbelievable.” She looked at Daphne and saw a little smile forming on her lips. “He said something about being worried for you. Said that he doesn’t like the way the Shelby looks at you.”

“It’s not like that.” The dismissive tone she used caught Harriet’s attention.

“Daph, we both know that men often recognize when other men looks at a woman a certain way.” Daphne took a sip of her tea to prevent answering the unspoken question. “Is this guy interested in you in some way?”

“He’s just curious because he doesn’t know what exactly my relationship with Alfie is, exactly. Thomas has a fame of wanting to have control over everything, this is something out of his reach. That’s it.”

“Ok I think I asked you the wrong question.” There was a pregnant pause before Harriet spoke again. “Are you interested in him?” The question took Daphne by surprise. She haven’t thought about it that way but one thing that you could trust Harriet to do was read her like an open book. Thomas Shelby intrigued her, that was for sure. Her answer was the most sincere thing that Daphne could master.

“I don’t know.”

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tarotresearchresidency · 4 years

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tarot reading 29-10-20

Seven of Cups, Four of Cups, The Star

This week’s tarot readings relate to domestic life and the home.

Quick read: The sheer number of options has been really confusing, so much so that you didn’t act, and now you’re dissatisfied with yourself, and the options that are still available to you. The ones that seem to be coming your way aren’t very appealing. You want to say ‘no’ to these things that don’t suit you, but you’re concerned that you’re being too picky. However, there’s hope for you yet.

Long read: The mood of today’s reading is one of infinite choice and the paralysis we have when we feel like any decision we make is do or die. The Seven of Cups sees all these options floating in our minds, and the temptation is to believe that you can only pick one, that there’s only one route to happiness and it all rests on whatever you decide, right now. This is, of course, not true. Life has a tendency of continuing after the crunch moment. Most things that seem like major decisions now, will seem completely irrelevant in a year’s time. When you realise that life doesn’t actually end at graduation, your 25th, 30th, or 40th birthday, you realise you’ve got plenty of time to correct your course, if whatever you chose didn’t work out.

As the card shows, there are a whole lot of goals to follow: riches, popularity, stability, success, love, adventure, so on and so forth. It feels like if you choose one, you might affect your chances at the others. What if you want them all? Well, in that case, you have to go for spiritual truth (the shining Christ-like figure hidden beneath a veil). When you orient yourself towards your own spiritual growth, you cannot fail to find it. And if you are oriented towards your own spiritual growth, the other goals (the perfect partner, a mansion, Instagram followers) will either come to you, or fall away like scales from your eyes. Focus on what feels right, rather than what sounds right. This being the Suit of Cups (and not Swords), it’s about what your heart (rather than your head) tells you.

Committing to your own spiritual growth doesn’t look like one specific path. It’s going to be different for everyone. For people who like their comfort zone, it might be about letting down their defences and opening their hearts to new experiences. It might be about trying something new for dinner, or suggesting a new weekend activity. If it’s terrible, you can always go back to your tried-and-tested favourites. What’s the worst that could happen? You have to eat takeaway pizza after you burned the casserole? It’s not that big a deal. You can turn it into a funny anecdote.

For others, it might be about saying no to new things that threaten to throw you off course. It might be that you’re spread too thinly, trying to be too much for too many people. Crossing the unwanted extras off your to-do list frees you up to commit more deeply to the things you do want. This is where the Four of Cups comes in, as it signals disinterest in what’s in front of you. Sometimes when you focus on what you really want, you realise that hardly any of your life could be considered edifying: one of the more awful kinds of epiphany. ‘God,’ you think, ‘what have I been doing all this time?’ Your daily routine becomes horrific.

When you start to ask yourself what you really want, you experience an initial phase of dissatisfaction with everything. No, you don’t want to go and see the Andy Warhol exhibition. Why? You just don’t. No, you don’t want to hang out with that group of friends because they always talk about the same gripes. No, no, no. You may even be offered loads of new opportunities. Would you like to become a social media manager? No. What about writing about cars? No. Would you like to visit your parents? No. Would you like to talk about it? No. It can feel really odd saying no to things. Remember it’s ok to say, ‘No, thank you.’ Saying no doesn’t have to be rude.

It’s here that we have to think about a scarcity mindset. You might be out of work, and get a few opportunities come your way that aren’t ideal. Half of you wants to say ‘No, that’s not for me,’ and the other half says, ‘Stop being so picky. Who do you think you are?’ Obviously when times are tough, then you might need to take the money even though it’s not the dream job. Sometimes, you might not even be in that situation, but you still feel like you can’t say no to work that’s offered to you. Money is valuable, of course, but so is your time. If you factor in the crushing resentment of having to do something you hate, are they offering you enough money to make it worth it?

Yancey Strickler, a business guru and co-founder of Kickstarter, has developed a really useful system for decision-making, which he calls ‘bentoism’, after the Japanese bento (a divided lunch box). To use a ‘bento’ for decision-making, you draw a big square, then divide it into square quarters. You label the sections: Present Me, Future Me, Present Us, and Future Us. In each section, you write how your present and future individual and collective selves feel about making that choice. This gives you a more well-rounded way of approaching a tricky decision. Some things are unappealing in the short-term, but beneficial in the long-term e.g. going for a run, and vice versa e.g. continuing to smoke. Equally, thinking about both yourself as an individual, and yourself as part of a community can also illuminate what’s important. You might like smoking for yourself, but when taking your friends and family into account, it has negative consequences for them e.g. secondhand smoke, likelihood of disease etc.

The Star indicates that the waiting for inspiration, the apathy, the inertia of the Four of Cups will break to reveal hope. When you are committed to spiritual growth, both your own and other people’s, you know what to do. bell hooks, in her incredible book All About Love: New Visions, writes that the true definition of love is: 'the will to extend one's self for the the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.' Make your decisions along these lines, and you cannot fail.

#tarot #tarot reading #tarot cards #yancey strickler #kickstarter #bento #decision-making #decisions #choice #seven of cups #four of cups #the star #bell hooks #all about love #love #spiritual growth #growth

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lemonywitch · 4 years

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Happy day, witches! I hope you are all staying positive during these troubled times. If you need someone to talk to, just know that you can talk to me. Send me a message here, or you can dm me on Instagram @lemonywitch anytime. These are lonely times for a lot of people, and I think everyone should have someone to talk to. I know we’d be total strangers to each other, but that’s ok for me. Please do be aware that this is not an invitation for any inappropriate messaging. You will be blocked without warning. Anything else is good. Just want you guys to keep that in mind.

Moving on, since we didn’t talk about candles last time, let’s talk about candles today! Don’t worry, this post should be shorter than last time. Or at least I’m gonna try...

The first thing that I want to talk about is candle colors. In your spells, different colors can mean different things, whether it’s a candle, a string, or the color of pen ink you use. Here’s a list of colors and what each one represents, along with some spell ideas:

Red 🍎: Love, passion, desire, energy, determination. Can be used if you want more love or intimacy in an already-existing relationship, or if you’re in need of some energy for a new project, or for determination to start your new business.

Pink 💖: Happiness, self love, self esteem, grace, compassion, tenderness, understanding. As you can see, pink is used in situations where you want to help yourself in areas of self love and self esteem, or in areas you want to improve, such as in happiness, grace, compassion, tenderness, and understanding of others. In other words, pink is for YOU, baby.

Orange 🍊: Strength, success, encouragement, attraction, joy, confidence. Orange is used for spells where you need some kind of extra boost for yourself. This could be helpful if, for instance, you need some extra courage and confidence to ask for that promotion at work.

Yellow 🌼: Happiness, success, eliminate obstacles, balance, creativity. Yellow is good for spells for more happiness, balance or creativity for yourself, or to help you succeed and eliminate the obstacles blocking you when working on a new project.

Green 🌱: Healing, growth, good luck, wealth, prosperity, fertility, new beginnings. Green is one of my favorites. Not only does it represent the earth and nature, but it’s so versatile. It can be used for healing in any aspect, personal growth, or, like a seed that’s been planted, new beginnings. It’s the color of money, so if you need some extra funds, green is the color to use. It’s also helpful if you are trying to conceive and want to cast a fertility spell for yourself or for someone else.

Blue 💧: Peace, tranquility, flexibility, meditation, balance, inner peace, calmness. This color is good more for spiritual applications. It can be used when you meditate, or if you’re trying to make peace with yourself, and sometimes if you need help making peace in your mind about something that involved another person. When I say flexibility, I mean the ability to “go with the flow, man.” As Bruce Lee said, “Be water, my friend.”

Purple 🔮: Power, wisdom, spirituality, psychic connection, intuition, dreams, enchantment. Historically, purple was used as a color that royals and high-ranking nobles wore to show their status. This color can be used if you wanted to give yourself more power. I don’t mean power over other people like royals, but power over yourself and to have a stronger will. It could be useful in just having the ability to say no to some people. Purple is kind of just a general “magical” color too. If you want to hone your skills and be able to learn more magics, you could cast something like a mind-opening spell, and you could use purple to help yourself get more in touch with your magical side and gain more abilities.

Gold ✨: Prosperity, wealth, abundance, enlightenment. As you can see, gold works in much of the same way green can, but it has an extra trait: Enlightenment. You can use gold to help you gain more spiritual insight to help you on your journey.

Silver 🖇: Illumination, reflects energy. Silver isn’t used much, but you can see it’s similar to a mirror. Silver can be used to send bad energy back to the person that sent it, and it can help you to reflect on your own life and decisions.

Black🕷: Banishment, binding, absorbing negative energies. Black doesn’t have as many uses as some other colors, but its uses can be extremely powerful. Black is used if you wanted to banish a person from your life, or if you wanted to bind your soul with someone else’s. I personally carry black crystals with me if I know I’m going somewhere or meeting someone that I my have a negative experience with, so I don’t carry those energies back home with me. You could enchant a black piece of clothing if you wanted or something similar.

White 🥚: Clarification, positive energies, healing. Opposite of black, white is for inviting positive energies. It can also be used for clarification of your mind, and healing of your spirit.

As you can see, some colors can cross over and have the same meanings as a different color, so in some cases, if you needed an extra boost, you can use two of these colors instead of just one.

But let’s say you need to perform a certain spell, but you either don’t have the color you need or you don’t know which color your situation is for. In that case, always use white. White is universal and can be used for any purpose. Sometimes colored candles are hard to find too, but white candles are usually sold just about anywhere.

But candles aren’t about just the colors. The shape of the flame can also be important. You can use this information during regular spells if you like, but reading your flame is mostly used during communication spells. Communication spells are when you try to get a message from an ancestor, your spirit guide or deity, the Universe, etc. Maybe you’re looking for guidance about a new job or relationship, for example. Here are some ways that flames can look and how you can read them:

Small but bright: Success is coming

Large and bright: Good luck

Dim: Disappointment in store

Leaning heavily to one side: Change is coming

Small flame that looks like it’s about to go out but it endures: Excellent luck (much better than just good luck), but could come with troubles or effort on your side. But it would work out in the end.

Sputtering: Romance is coming

Flickering: Depending on your questions or your situations, it could mean wavering fortune or luck, or that enemies are coming

Sparking: Danger is around or on its way

Twisting: Unseen enemies or danger is around you

No flame: No success is coming, but no bad things are coming either. Things are staying the same.

Sometimes we need to be careful about our flames. Sometimes if we’re in a room with an open window, or sitting close enough to the candle that your breath can reach it, it can make the flame act differently than it’s supposed to. So make sure you’re in a room or environment where there’s no air currents (this can include air conditioners as well) and make sure you’re sitting close enough to see the candle clearly, but not so close that your breath could affect the flame. Otherwise you could get a wrong reading.

There are differing opinions on how to let the flame of your candle die out when your spell is finished. Do whatever feels right to you, but there are pretty much 3 different ways you can do it.

This first method really only works if you’re using a jar candle or something similar, so this wouldn’t work with a taper candle. You would use a tool (an old kitchen knife works great for this) to dip the wick down into the melted wax to put out the flame. By doing this, it’s like the candle is putting itself out, so there was no “outside influence.” This outside influence is thought to affect the outcome of your work, so some people prefer to do it this way.

The second method is to just let the candle burn out by itself. Like the last method, some believe that by you or someone else extinguishing the flame at all is an outside influence, so you need to let the candle burn itself out. My opinion on this: If you have kids or pets, or just generally are busy most of the time, letting a candle burn out by itself isn’t always smart or safe. Sometimes we don’t have time to sit and wait for a candle to burn out, and leaving it unattended is just dumb. If you are able to do this, go for it. It’s just usually not very convenient for a lot of people.

The third way (and my preferred way) is the easiest. Just blow the candle out. Some people believe that by blowing out the flame, the smoke carries your wishes or intentions to whoever or whatever you intend it to, such as the Universe or your deity. This is also helpful because, like the first method, you can still save and use this candle for later.

On that note, what should we do with a candle that we’ve already used for a spell? Let’s say you burned a green candle for a prosperity spell, and you still have half of your taper candle left. If your spell doesn’t work, you can still use this candle if you need to do the spell again. The outcome of your spell is dependent upon your intentions, not the tools you use. If your spell works, great! But don’t use that candle for any other type of spell. If you used this candle for prosperity, only use it for prosperity or something related, such as for a new job. Because that would still fall under a “prosperity” umbrella. You wouldn’t t want to it for something like healing or fertility. One rule you need to follow is never, ever, EVER use a candle for another spell that you’ve used during a curse or banishment. Only use it for those same purposes if you have part of a candle leftover. If you happen to use a candle you previously used to curse someone for another spell, those energies could spill over into your new spell. Just a warning.

As always, please make sure that when burning candles, you do it safely. Make sure you’re in a controlled environment and that you burn your candles on heat- and/or flame- proof surfaces. Always monitor your candles so your kid or your cat won’t mess with it. I know this is common sense stuff, but sometimes people need extra reminders.

You can use candles in specific spells, but sometimes you can use just a candle for a spell. To use a candle for a spell is super easy. All you really need is a candle with the color of your choice, and either a knife of some sort or a pen that doesn’t have any ink left. The reason I say a pen with no ink is because some inks are flammable, so if you have a dead pen lying around, now’s the time to put it to use. If you use a knife, make sure you’re careful, and don’t cut yourself. Unless you just want to use your blood in a spell, and if you do, go for it. Just know that that’s on you. I do plan to do a separate post just for blood magic, so we’ll cover that later.

To use a candle for a spell, just carve the words you want to use for the spell into your candle using the tool of your choice. This can sometimes be difficult if you’re using a jar candle, but in that case you can use a sigil. Once you’ve finished carving, you can chant the words of your spell, light your candle, and continue to focus your intentions until your candle is burned out, or whenever you’re finished. I will tell you that you don’t have to carve up the whole candle, and that’s totally fine. But you want your candle to burn at least until your carving is gone. If you’re using a taper candle, let it burn down until all the carving have melted off. If you’re using a jar candle, burn the candle at least until the wax the carving was made into has completely melted and you can’t see any signs of your carving anymore.

When it comes to the kinds of candles you can use, the sky’s the limit! You can literally use whatever type of candle you want. It can be a jar candle or a taper candle, it can be scented or unscented, the only condition you need to worry about is if it’s the color you need. I wouldn’t use the flameless candles, but if you want to learn about that I’d be glad to research it and see what ideas we can come up with.

That’s all about candles that we’re going to talk about today. There are a lot of other spells you can do with candles, but this blog is like a beginner’s handbook. We will talk about dressing candles and other candle spells like the needle spells at a later time when we get most of the basics down. That being said, you can’t say you’ve completed the basics without learning about sigils! I mentioned using sigils to carve into your candles, but sigils can be used for almost anything. So next time we’ll talk about what a sigil is and why it’s important, how to make them, and how to apply them in everyday life. Until then, stay healthy and safe!

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xsixxx · 5 years

Text

Bad Influence, Chapter Six

Authors note: Ok so I really struggled with this chapter, hence my major delay, but thank you for bearing with me! 🙏🏼 So this is a super long one (for me) & I’ve just finished writing this at 5am after staying up all night, so I’m sorry for any mistakes etc. Also this is my first time writing a sex scene & I’m so super nervous & awkward about it, so please go easy on me 😂 Feedback is always welcome 🖤

Warnings: A bit angsty & some major smutttt but not the smut you want, that’s coming later (pun intended)

Tags: @triplehaitches @freddiessmallnipples @queen-crue @scarecrowmax @lovesick-heart0 @littlesunnymoon @80sheart-strings @cranberribread @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @deaconsroger @zoenicoles @crazysaladchopshop @ggorehorror @lunamadhatter99 @justtryingtoovercome @chaoticvybe @you-know-im-a-dreamer @eightiesrockbaby @valentines-in-london @xrosegoldwolfx @sukimousepaw @lilypetite88 @this-blog-must-be-the-place

(Couldn’t find a suitable gif, so here’s one of the two stars of this chapter)

((I wanted a gif of that scene in the dirt when Vince is fucking that chick in the dressing room right before his gf takes back his leather pants but I couldn’t find one 😭😂))

Spring ‘83

I checked my make up in the mirror for the 10th time in as any minutes, pouting my lips & fluffing up my platinum blonde hair.

“Fuck Beth, you’d think Gene Simmons himself was coming back from this tour the way you’re dolling yourself up.”

I scowled at Sophias reflection in the mirror, her irritation evident as she stood in the doorway with one hand on her leather-clad hip, drumming her fingers impatiently. “Ew, no. Gene Simmons, what is wrong with you?!” I laughed.

“Really, you don’t see it?” She puzzled, furrowing her brow with an amused look on her face. “The make up always kinda did it for me..” She trailed off, giggling to herself before snapping out of her momentary daydream. “Anyway, can you just hurry your ass up, we’re gonna be late for work & Paul is already on our case!” She finished, referring to our boss.

“He caught us drinking with the guys once on shift, he’s hardly on our case.” I shrugged nonchalantly.

“Yeah, but he’s heard they’re coming back & he’s already on edge about the whole thing, he knows how they get & he’s planning on amping up security to keep them in check. I mean, they have just been kicked off of a tour with Kiss for bad behaviour, for Christs sake!” I rolled my eyes at her, always the sensible one nowadays. Sophia was right, of course. Mötley Crüe had become infamous on the Sunset Strip. They’d drink, fight & fuck, usually in that order, anything in sight & they showed no signs of stopping. The band was on their way up & people knew it, so everywhere they went, trouble, & girls, followed. And tonight, they were on their way back to the Whisky.

“How do I look, honestly?!” I asked nervously, turning to Sophia & gesturing at my outfit, smoothing out my high waisted acid wash mini skirt & fiddling with the collar of my leather jacket awkwardly.

“Well, if Vince doesn’t fuck ya, I will.” She winked, laughing. I smiled weakly before blowing her a kiss & turning back to check myself over once more, messing with my hair & trying to pretend I couldn’t feel the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

“Babe,” Sophia started gently, frowning “why are you stressing so much? It’s not like this is anything new.”

“I don’t know, it’s been like a month since I last saw him & he’s probably slept with god knows how many girls on the tour & I-”

“Beth, they played like 5 shows, how much damage could they do, really?!” I looked at her with raised eyebrows, laughing with amused disbelief at her naivety. Did she know them at all?

She caught sight of my face. “Ok, ok, you’re right, carry on.”

“Look, I know there’s nothing serious between us & I’m fine with that, honestly, I am. But I just don’t want to look like another groupie to him.. I - I just wanna look good, ok?” I rambled, realising I was sounding way more defensive than I was intending.

Sophia sensed my nerves. “Well, you make one fine ass groupie, Vince won’t be able to resist you.” She said playfully, before pausing, a slow smile appearing across her plump, pink lips. “& neither will Nikki.” She added smugly, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

I let out a high pitched, fake laugh at yet another one of her goddamn Nikki jokes. “You’re so fucking funny.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “When are you going to let that go?!”

She shrugged. “When you guys do us all a favour & fuck so we don’t have to be around your obvious sexual tension.”

“Soph, I hate the guy, he’s an rude, arrogant narcissist & I’ve got more sexual tension going on with Mick than I do with that asshole!”

“Hey now, don’t drag poor Mick into your fucked up Nikki fantasy!” Sophia chortled. “You can deny it all you like babe, but I’m your best friend & I know you, you love to hate that guy because secretly, except not really secretly, you wanna screw his narcissistic brains out.” She finished, grinning widely at her fabricated conclusion.

I scowled at her once again, tired of hearing these assumptions constantly over the last few months. “God, can we just stop with this now please?!” I begged, turning back to the mirror, stressing more than before. “Maybe I should go change..”

“No!” Sophia said quickly, grabbing my hand & pulling me towards the front door. “You look great, Nikki is gonna love it- I mean Vince.. Whichever one it is you’re trying to impress. Now can we please just go?” She begged, exasperated eyes looking pleadingly at me.

I sighed & followed her out, the anticipation of the night ahead lingering in the air as I shut the door behind me.

*Later, at Whisky A-Go-Go*

I took a long drag on my cigerette & exhaled the smoke into the brisk, refreshing breeze that swept through the night sky. I savoured the moment, knowing that, in a few minutes, whatever band was playing tonight would finish their set & the crowd would surge back to the bar, impatiently demanding their drinks & trying by any means to gain my attention, whether it be just to order or try to, usually unsuccessfully, hit on me.

The back door swung open as Sophia stepped out, armed with trash bags, distracting me from my moment of peace.

“What are you doing out here?” She asked, spotting me hiding on the other side of the dumpster. I waved the lit cigetette clutched between my fingers wordlessly in response. She frowned. “You don’t smoke.”

“Well I always end up smoking with the boys & I just figured I’d use it as an excuse to get some peace before the rush kicks off.” I shrugged, ignoring her obvious disapproval. Sophia had perfected her judgmental stare over the past 6 months, every time she saw me sniff a line of coke or come home tipsy. It’s not like she didn’t partake, in fact, she was almost as wild as Mötley were, keeping Tommy on his toes. But Soph couldn’t help but look at me the way I knew most people that knew me did; like I was some fragile, innocent being that needed protecting. I’m the good one, the well behaved child, the straight A student, the protective big sister, the motherless daughter with the overbearing father. I’ve spent my life being exactly what everyone expected of me. The boys were the only people that didn’t make me feel that way &, for a night every week or so, when I got to party with them, it was fun not being who everyone thought I should be & just being whoever I wanted to be for the night.

“It’s a shit habit to have,” Soph mumbled, pulling out a cigerette from her almost empty packet, placing it between her lips & lighting it. “You’re better off without it babe. Quit whilst you’re ahead & all that.”

“Thanks for advice, mom,” I responded, rolling my eyes as I took another drag.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, have you finished that paper for Dr Andersons psych class yet?” Asked Sophia, suddenly changing the subject.

“Erm.. You want the truth or..?” I grimaced, knowing I hadn’t even started my essay on the theory of human motivation.

“Beth, girl, come on!” Sophia whined, sounding irritated. “You know if you ask Anderson for another extension, she’s gonna loose her shit with you! You gotta stop slacking..”

I shot her a warning look. “I am not slacking”, I said cuttingly, offended by her words. I’d never been accused of not trying hard enough in my life & I didn’t like it.

Soph looked a little sheepish. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I know how hard you work. It’s just this is the second paper in a row you haven’t prepared for & you’re usual so on it, I’d just hate to see you fall behind because of..” She trailed off.

“Because I’m fucking a Vince?” I spat, suddenly angry.

“No, Beth. Come on, you’re twisting my words now. You know I’m all for you having fun, especially after how everything was for you at home, I don’t blame you for rebelling a bit. But I’m also just looking out for you, you just need to find a balance is all.” Sophia looked embarrassed, obviously regretting her change of subject. I glared at her, watching her chew her lip awkwardly, avoiding my stare. The rational part of me knew she was only trying to be a good friend, but the defensive side to me felt she was trying to shield me from having any fun, treating me like that fragile girl once again & it immediately brought out my inner hostility.

I flicked my cigerette across the alley & stormed past Sophia, catching her shoulder as I did. She whipped round to me, eyes ablaze with shock & anger.

“Excuse me, you did not just shoulder barge me!” She yelled, stunned.

“Why cant you just mind your own goddamn business?!” I screamed back, throwing my hands up in the air with exaggerated exasperation. “You’re supposed to be my best friend, you know everything I’ve been through better than anyone. I’m just trying to enjoy myself, do all the dumb shit I never got to do when I was 18. Why are you treating me like a damn kid?!” I could hear myself arguing like a teenager who’s parents wouldn’t let them out, but I couldn’t help it, I was belligerent.

“Maybe stop acting like a damn kid & people wont treat you like one!” She fired back.

“Fuck this.” I snapped, barging through the door & back into the hot, sticky air of the Whisky. I marched back behind the bar just as the band were playing their last few chords & grabbed a bottle of jack. I quickly poured a shot & necked it, seconds before Paul rounded the corner.

“Where’s the other one?” He asked, rudely.

“I’m here.” Sophia mumbled, rushing back, just as the crowd began shifting its way from the stage to the bar.

“Right, back to work, no more fucking breaks.” Paul spat, pointing at us both before disappearing off to his office, as per usual whenever the bar got busy. I stuck my middle finger up at him as he walked away, directing my anger at him. I heard a chuckle & turned around to see a familiar, dark figure in the sea of gig-goers, his eyes lost behind a mass of black hair, yet somehow I could still feel them trailing along the contours of my body. His lips were curled into his usual, heart-stopping smirk & I found myself catching my breath when I caught sight of him.

“Someone’s in a good mood, I see.”

“Not now Sixx, for fuck sake.” I muttered, taking an order & pouring the drink.

“Have you missed me, Angel?” He asked, flashing me a wicked smile, draping himself over the bar to get a better look at me. I ignored him, tending to customers & refusing to make eye contact. “I’ll take that as a no.” He chuckled, darkly.

“Nikki, I really haven’t got time & I’m not in the mood for your games.” I said sharply, finally looking into his dark, green eyes. My stomach knotted as his gaze burnt through me, reigniting that flame that only he could seem to light. And he knew it.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” He drawled, lazily.

“Can’t you see how fucking busy we are?! I haven’t got time for you!” I snapped at him, dropping a tumbler in my frustration, sending glass scattering in all directions. “Fucking great.” I growled, crouching down to clean it up, my impatience & anger growing more & more by the second, only made worse by Nikki, who was now smiling smugly at me from over the bar. “Unless you’re going to be any help to me, I suggest you leave.” I yelled at him, standing up & charging over to the bin with a dustpan full of broken glass. I took a deep breath as I emptied it, attempting to regain my composure. I turned back & immediately cussed under my breath. Nikki had hopped over the bar & was now talking to customers.

“What are you doing?!” I hissed as I marched back over to him.

“I’m helping you, like you wanted,” he shrugged, an aura of smugness about him, as he took orders.

“What I wanted was for you to go away!”

“See, I don’t think you want that at all.” He responded, sliding past me, his hand brushing against my lower back as we moved around the limited space behind the bar. “I think you’ll take any excuse to be near me.” He whispered in my ear as we crossed paths once again, his hands gripping my hips this time as he navigated past me. Me body reacted to his touch, my heart thrumming as I felt unwanted excitement flood my veins. I snapped to attention, determined not to let him get to me again.

“Well, if you’ve got it all covered here, you wont mind if I take a quick bathroom break, right?” It was my turn to smirk as I walked from behind the bar, seeing his face fall as I turned & sauntered away from him, letting my hips sway a little more than usual as I felt his eyes drop to my ass, as they always did.

I strode into the bathroom stall, locking it behind me, & rested my head on the cool, metal door, breathing sharply. Nikki had a talent for pissing me off & frustrating me in ways I couldn’t explain & tonight was not a good night for it. Between him, Sophia & Paul, I was wound up past the point of no return & the next person that crossed me was going to feel the full force of my pent up rage.

I was working on slowing my breathing when I heard the door to the bathroom open & shut. Within seconds, my head started vibrating as someone rattled the door to the bathroom stall violently, trying to get in.

“Occupied!” I yelled, my voice oozing irritation.

It shook once again, whoever it was clearly not giving up. I took a step back from the door, anger flooding to every inch of my body as my hand flew towards the lock & I wrenched it open. I was ready to hurl cathartic insult after insult at the poor, unsuspecting person that was to be the subject of my blind fury, when a skinny blonde fucker stopped me in my tracks.

Vince stood in the door way of the stall, leaning casually, his tousled blonde hair framing his chilsed face perfectly. He had on brilliant white jeans with rips at the knees & a distressed denim jacket with nothing on underneath & plastered on his face was the biggest, goddamn sexiest grin that immediately calmed my rage & sent my heart racing.

“You having a bad night doll?” He asked, doing his best to feign concern, the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried to hide his smirk. I took a second to drink him in, savouring the sight of him before I grabbed the collar of his denim jacket & pulled him roughly into the cubical with me, knowing exactly how I was going to satiate my temper. I slammed the door shut behind me & turned around to face Vince, pushing him down into a seated position on the closed lid of the toilet. His smirk was from ear to ear by now & there was a hunger in his eyes I wanted to satisfy so damn much. I straddled my legs either side of his, hiking up my denim skirt that was restricting my movement, exposing my strategically chosen lace black underwear. I sat down on his lap & pressed my mouth lightly against his, running my tongue across his plump, lower lip, tasting the remanence of whisky left there, a flavour I’d grown to love. I trailed my lips across his jawline, placing kisses as I went, until my teeth found their way to Vince earlobe, grazing their way along it as subtly began grinding my hips into his lap. He let out a soft, intoxicating groan that made me weak. I craved him.

Vinces fingers had wound their way into my hair & he grabbed a fistful, firmly pulling my head back, exposing my neck to him. I felt his smirk caress my skin as his nipped & sucked his way down my throat, leaving his mark as he went, before running his tongue back up, sending lustful shivers running down my spine. He brushed his lips across my chest as his hands left my hair, gliding their way down the contours of my body & under my shirt, roughly pulling it up & over my head. I felt him grow harder underneath me as he cupped my breasts in his hands, his tongue lightly flicking & caressing my nipples before he gently grazed his teeth along one, causing an involuntary moan to slip out of my parted mouth. I bit down on my lip, desperate to keep quiet, but Vince has other plans. He widened his legs, forcing mine open at the same time & slipped his hand between my thighs. He groaned as he felt my wetness through my lace panties & ran his finger teasingly back & fourth along the damp patch, causing me to squirm.

“Keep quiet for me now, Princess.” Vince teased, raising his eyebrows & smirking as he pushed my underwear to one side & slowly he eased one finger inside me, causing my to stifle a gasp of pleasure. His thumb brushed lazily over my clit, teasing me, driving me crazy with desire. My eyes closed & my head tilted back as he pushed another finger inside, moving them rhythmically at just the right speed to leave me wanting more. I bit down harder on my lip, trying my best to keep a moan from escaping as Vinces speed picked up. I rocked my hips back & forth against his fingers, pushing my lips roughly onto his to keep quiet, moaning into his mouth instead as he tasted my urgency.

Vince pulled my hair back once again, denying me of his lips. There was a look of arrogance dancing in his eyes as that he kept them fixed on mine, watching me intently as he brought me closer to the edge. I held my lower lip firmly between my teeth as his fingers moved faster & his thumb circled my clit in perfect harmony the way he knew drove me crazy, bringing me ever closer to the release I so badly needed.

“Let me see you cum baby.” He demanded, his eyes not leaving mine once, a sly smirk on his irresistible face. His words were all I needed as I reached the edge & came around his fingers.

“Fuck, Vinny, yes!” I yelled breathlessly, not caring who heard me. I felt the waves of pleasure crash around me as Vinces fingers carried on, pushing me to my absolute limits until I couldn’t give anymore & I grabbed his hand to stop him. He gave me a sly, proud smirk as he looked at my exhausted, content expression.

Christ, I needed that.

But Vince wasn’t done with me yet.

He slowly slid his fingers out from my wetness & brought them up to his lips, sucking on them sensually, making my still throbbing pussy tense in excitement.

“You taste so fucking good.” Vince smirked, watching me squirm with lust once again. I felt his rock hard cock constrained in his tight jeans & I rocked my hips into him once again. His smile widened & suddenly his hands were under my ass, picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist & buried my hands into his blonde hair, grabbing it & pulling his mouth on to mine. Within seconds, we were out of the cubical & Vince sat me on the basin countertop without a thought as to who might walk in. We didn’t care.

“I want you inside me.” I moaned, hastily undoing his jeans with intense urgency & pulling him towards me. I found my way to Vinces cock & he let out a low groan as I wrapped my hand around it, slowly stroking him up & down.

“I’ve fucking missed you.” He growled. It was my turn to smirk.

Vince pulled away, expertly rolling on a condom with ease, before pulling me panties to one side once again. He rubbed my wetness, as I grabbed his rock hard dick & guided it towards me, using it to tease my entrance, a cocky smile playing on my lips as I watched Vinces eyes grow dark with desire & impatience. His lip parted to complain, but I silenced him by swiftly easing him inside me. We both moaned simultaneously as he pushed all the way in, stretching me out.

Vince groaned as he began thrusting slowly, finding his rhythm. “I forgot how tight your perfect little pussy is.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper in to me as he picked up speed, his hips bouncing against mine. “Oh Vinny,” I moaned, raking my nails across his back, leaving my mark on his skin to repay him for the bruises on my neck. The pain caused his pace to quicken, as his hunger for me intensified. He grabbed my one leg & lifted it over his shoulder, giving himself a better angle to fuck me deeper, harder.

I felt the pleasure building once again with each stroke, bringing me closer to orgasm. “Don’t stop.” I panted, digging my nails into his hips. Vince groaned loudly as I started playing with my clit, the hedonism getting too much for us both to withstand. I threw my head back & bit my lips to suppress my moans as best I could as the waves of pleasure started reaching their crescendo.

Vinces strokes became delectably slow & purposeful, each one deeper than the last as we both began our decent into sweet release. Vince gave one last thrust that sent us both over the edge & I came around his cock as he came inside me, his forehead pressed against mine as our duel moans of pleasure filled the bathroom. The perfect harmony.

*Nikkis POV*

How fucking long does it take to have a piss?! I thought angrily, as I pushed open the door to the bathroom, Sophias not-so-polite request that I get “the fuck from behind the bar & go & find Beth” still ringing in my ears.

I heard them before I saw them, but my brain didn’t comprehend what I was hearing until my eyes fell on her.

Beth was sat on the countertop, one leg draped over my frontmans shoulder, the other wrapped around his waist as Vince stood with his back to me. Her fingers were gripping his hair like she was holding on for dear life, her head was titled back in the throws of passion & her face.. Her face was that of an angel, as it always was, but twisted & distorted with sin as I watched her cum before me. Her glossy pink lips were parted as sounds that I wished I was causing left her pretty little mouth. Her forehead was glistening with a light film of sweat, her eyebrows were furrowed & her eyes were clenched shut as she indulged in her release that I so badly wanted to feel.

It was heaven to watch her.

And hell to know that she wasn’t coming for me.

I felt intense, unwarranted jealousy descend over me as I watched the girl that I disliked with such ferocity, but still so badly wanted to demoralise get fucked by one of my best friends. I wanted to feel her nails in my skin as I wrapped my hand around her pretty neck. I wanted to see those big, innocent, doe-like eyes look up at me pleadingly as I brought her close to orgasm, only to stop, making her beg for me to touch her. I wanted to taste her delectable pussy & feel her cum against my tongue, her sweet voice calling out my name as I sucked her clit. God, how I fucking wanted her.

Beths eyes fluttered open & immediately fell on mine, causing me to snap out of my fantasy. I adjusted myself quickly, hoping she wouldn’t see the semi I had rubbing against my tight leather pants.

She seemed shocked & embarrassed to see me standing there in the doorway, yet still somehow she managed to look smug. Guilty, yet satisfied. She shot me a shit eating grin before she kissed Vince, her eyes fixated on mine as she did so.

I let out a loud, purposeful cough that caused Vinny to jump & instinctively pull away from Beth. He looked in my direction & visibly relaxed, shooting me a typically sly Vince Neil smile.

“Oh it’s just you Sixx,” he laughed, buttoning up his jeans as Beth climbed down from the worksurface with as much modesty as possible, adjusting her skirt as she did.

I ignored Vince, my face like stone as I kept my eyes on Beth. “Sophia is looking for you.” I said bluntly.

“Shit yeah, I need to get back.” She said quickly, turning to wink at Vince & give him a peck on the lips. “You have no fucking idea how much I needed that,” I heard her mumble seductively. Vince grinned.

“Anytime Princess.” He drawled. I could’ve punched his arrogant fucking face.

Beth stalked towards me, holding her head high & proud as she pushed past. Vince looked like he was about to say something, but I didn’t stick around to hear what it was. Against my better judgement, I followed Beth, my anger brewing.

“Have fun?!” I snapped at her, letting my frustration show without meaning to.

“Loads.” Beth smiled simply, looking me dead in the eye without hesitation. I felt my anger bubble closer to the surface.

“You know, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten bored of you yet.” I shot nastily, wanting to rile her up. “Groupies never last long with Vince. You should’ve seen all the sluts her got with on the tour.” I let out a sharp, short laugh, convinced I’d strike a nerve.

“Huh, weird, isn’t it?” She shrugged. “That he always comes back to me. I must do something for him that the other girls don’t.” Her voice dripped with confidence as she walked behind the bar & back to work. “I wonder what it is I have that they don’t..” she finished.

Beth knew exactly what she was doing, she’d known me long enough now to figure out how to push my buttons & her new found arrogance was doing just that. But she wore it well.

I grabbed her arm as she walked past & pulled her in close, my anger & my desire at war inside of me. My lips found Beths & I brushed them against hers in the way that I knew drove her crazy, even if she’d never admit it.

“He’ll never satisfy you like I would, Angel.” I whispered.

Beth swallowed, her confidence visibly shaken & I smiled as I watched her eyes glisten with involuntary desire. I knew she couldn’t resist. “& h-how do you know that?” She stuttered, trying to regain her self-assured composure.

“Because he doesn’t know you like I do.” I mumbled, letting my lips graze hers as I spoke. “I see past your good girl, innocent act. I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again, there’s a little bit of devil in your angel eyes. You don’t want just sex, you want to be fucked, you want to know what it’s like to loose all self control, to be with someone that’ll fulfil your darkest desires, who will indulge your every fantasy. I can please you in ways you couldn’t even begin to imagine, Lizzy. I want to bring out the bad in you.” I finished, my eyes burning into hers with intense, desperate craving that I knew she felt too. She looked at me, her eyes almost fearful, but I could see the seductive intrigue lying just beyond that fear & I knew I was right about her. “So, what do you say?”

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bo0zey · 5 years

Note

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person???

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!!

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

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tuliptx · 5 years

Text

Outlaw Woman Ch2

Rated M - this is a serious rating y’all. There’s derogatory terms and sex and violence. The MC world is not a soft place but I won’t water it down.

Lexi is constantly finding herself in the middle- She belongs with the SOA, family is everything, but finding her role within that family is hard. She has to find a balance and a place before she just teeters over the edge and gets lost in the madness. Love, Lust, Violence, and Hilarity.

Jax x OC x Happy - David Hale x OC

Hey guys! Lets act like we’ve done this before ok? No copying my work- I don’t own SOA etc etc. I LOVE Lexi. I put a lot of myself in her and I would adore your feedback. Check out my Master List Here.

Happy locked eyes with Lexi as he slid his calloused, masculine, strong right hand under her left knee. Lexi couldn't help the sudden intake of breath, her lips parting ever so slightly. The room suddenly felt way too small. No man had ever made her nervous like Happy did. She had no idea what to do with that. It had been years since their one night. One night of mindless pleasure. No names had been exchanged. No club affiliation ever discussed. That night had gone completely unacknowledged even after they realized. Verbally at least. It was for the better.

Thank God he wasn't around more because as is, these moments are getting far too frequent. As his hand slid slowly but with purpose down her calf lifting her ankle onto his jean clad knee she held her breath. He lifted it just off his knee sliding the ice pack under to cool it from behind where it looked to be the most bruised. "Hand me that gauze." His voice was slightly deeper than normal- less raspy. She nodded dumbly and then, and then the most embarrassing thing ever, she let out a loud hiccup that was so violent it actually caused her to bounce slightly off the bar.

Lexi was mortified; she couldn't look up at him. She hadn't even had warning enough to cover her mouth. Her face immediately began to heat up and she handed him the gauze as quickly as she could before taking a long pull from the bottle of Jack at her side tossing the lid across the room. This day had been exhausting- she had every intention of making it all go away by drinking as much of this bottle as she could. 'At least the hiccup had killed that moment before anyone could walk in on that super sexy eye contact,' she thought.

Her leg was so smooth and warm from the sun. Happy's mind went blank when she bounced- he'd been captivated by the jiggle of her DDs. Really, he had to get ahold of himself. If Tig kept catching him staring like this- it'd be his nuts. Especially now that she had an old man. His eyes wandered over a fresh piece of ink on her calf. She was lucky her boots had protected it. A beautiful reaper curved along her calf. The style very reminiscent of the one painted on the door- this one held more color. It was centered in a golden frame with the shadows of crows dancing behind its head and in its extended palm instead of the traditional anarchy sign it held a glowing sacred heart. He had to rein this shit in. Happy didn't like being out of control of anything- with Lexi he felt he was out of control of EVERYTHING. From the moment he’d arrived in Charming five years ago only to learn that sweet wild delicious piece of ass he’d fucked on the road was actually Tig’s sister, he’d been fighting to get a solid grip on things. She never followed direction, she was always putting herself in bad situations, she was ever chasing adventure and danger. That he was attached to her in the slightest was dangerous. EVERTHING about Lexi was dangerous for him.

"So what was all of that about?" he distracted as he began to gingerly wipe the blood off of her leg, putting slight pressure on the scrapes to stop the bleeding. "Fucking idiot probably should have done this first," he muttered. Lexi laughed, "yeah well you know my brother- more bullets then brain." Hap smirked nodding his head and continuing to work on her- long golden soft warm- leg. "That stick in Tara's ass has been super-sized lately. It's starting to affect the functionality of her brain." Hap glanced up at her, "but why? Why you?" Lexi scoffed taking another pull off her bottle, "I honestly don't know where this started. She's always hated me, but since she came back- she wants me dead." She took another pull, "Jax definitely isn't helping things. This reminds me I have to find a new place to hide my key." "Wasn't your old man mad when he showed up like that?" Lexi almost shot whiskey out her nose- which burns for a very long time if you've never done it. "What old man? What have you been smoking Hap and can I have some?" Hap reached into his pocket with his left hand using his right to apply light pressure. He fished out a joint and handed it over and she giggled in delight.

After a deep inhale, holding the smoke in her lungs, "What're you talking about Hap?" her accent continued to thicken with each vice she partook in. He gently tapped her tattoo and then ran a finger firmly down one side of the frame. "OH!" She was becoming more animated; her hands were now flying as she was speaking to him causing some of the booze to slosh out. "No, I got that just for me. It's not a crow. I got shot six months ago, Clay and Gem and Tig and the boys all said I earned my own reaper. I had to make it a little more girly though. I'm just not the kind of girl to rock anything overly masculine." Happy's brain had stopped on the shot part, "see this is what I'm talking about! How the hell did you get shot?" Lexi's eyebrows furrowed as she leaned forward, "what you're talking about?" He shook his head, "How the hell did you get shot?" She leaned back eyeing him suspiciously but in her buzzed state quickly let it go shrugging and smiling, "drive by." She unbuttoned the top button on her blouse allowing her to shift the collar so he could see the vibrant pink shiny new flesh where she had taken the bullet. And also a good flash of skin and pink lace. Happy shook his head. Focus. He took the bottle from her taking a long pull only to realize she’d already knocked back more than half of it. Well that wasn’t good.

Focus. He hadn't heard of a drive by. "Drive by where?" "Oakland." "What the fuck were you doing in Oakland?" "I had a meeting with a gallery in Oakland. I sold three paintings- Jax took me to a bar after to celebrate." "What the fuck?"

Jax should know better than that.

He had put Lexi in danger.

He had started this thing with Tara too.

Lexi was the artist of the door and the tattoo. Well that made her hotter. Fuck.

Happy filed it away at the look of confusion on Lexi's face. Her blue eyes were sharp, even in her inebriated state. He schooled his features trying to look casual. He'd have to ask around about this when she wasn't around. Something about all of this didn't seem right. What the hell was Jax thinking- or better yet what was Jax thinking with?

Before he could even process all of this new information two things happened: One, Tig, the Prospect and Chibs came laughing and rough housing out of the dorms; two, the front door to the club house was thrown open with a loud BANG. Gemma cut a formidable figure in her bitch heels; large black hobo bag slung over her shoulder. "Little girl, you have a lot of explaining to do!" Lexi was immediately off the bar forgetting her swollen foot and leaving the half smoked joint in an ash tray. The pain immediately reminded her why she’d been smoking it in the first place and she reached out gripping Happy's shoulder for support. He stood and maneuvered her to his stool. The way the two moved with each other was so natural- the all-seeing mother bear quirked an eyebrow, not missing a thing. Happy pulled up a second bar stool and lifter her foot; replacing the ice pack, only when she was situated did he step away. Then again Alexia is family and Happy was notoriously protective of SOA family- especially the women. Though, no one would ever label him a nurturer. Gemma filed this new observation away for a later date.

"You fucking broke the doc's nose! You better have a damn good reason!" Gemma scolded charging toward her beloved pseudo daughter. "Gemma you know me better than that! The bitch started something she didn't have the ass to back up." "Why the fuck would she do that Lex? Jax was at your house last night! That's why!" Happy’s shoulders tensed and he leaned back against the bar staring at the juke box intently. Lex rolled her eyes, "that's an issue you should take up with your son." Gemma threw her purse on the counter, "I would if I could but he's too busy talking Tara down." Lexi threw her hands up, "this is nuts! Why do I have to defend myself when I was just defending myself!" "Lex, you know I’ve always thought you were better for Jax then that little tart, but when you sleep with another woman's old man she has every right to give you hell. You screwed up you should take it!" Lexi, now seeing red, threw that mother fucking bottle of booze against the wall behind Gemma who covered her head and stared at her pseudo daughter in shock. "I didn't do shit!" The entire club was silent in the wake of the bottles shatter.

Tig came up behind Lex quietly, putting an affectionate and comforting hand on her shoulder. Her chest was heaving from screaming and a tear of rage sank down her cheek. Lexi was not an angry girl but she had a temper that she struggled with at times- one that had been passed down to both of his children by Dan Trager. Chibs turned to the Prospect, "go get me medics bag." Half Sack nodded and slipped out of the room silently, relieved to be anywhere but here. "You know what Gem?" came a low soft lilting Texas accent, "If I had slept with Jax, yes, Tara would have every right. I have never slept with Jax. I don't intend to sleep with Jax. I. Don't. Want. Him." She took another long deep breath and the queen opened her mouth as if to say something but quickly shut it. "Jax," Lexi was disgusted, "broke into my house last night. I had no idea he was there until the morning. I am sick,” her voice hitched, “I am sick and tired of your fucking son putting me in the middle." Lexi looked up from where her eyes had been glued to her lap. Making eye contact with Gemma, Gemma felt her spine go cold at a look that was violent and fed up. "Tara jumped me- pulled me off the bike- Jax did nothing- I defended myself. That is the last time I am saying it to you Gemma. Believe who you want."

Gemma sat down in the nearest chair with a dramatic sigh. “Well why didn’t you just say so.”

Lexi closed her eyes and took a deep breathe trying to calm herself. Happy noticed that her hands were clenched and shaking. TIg glanced at the Killer and followed his dark stare. He lovingly, gently pried her fingers apart and rubbed his thumbs over the crescent imprints from her nails. Chibs made his move then, the medic's bag appearing in his hand. Got to give it to the Prospect, he had come and gone with no one noticing. Chibs moved to Lexi's side examining her scrapes. "We need to clean these honey and then we need to take a look at that ankle, see if it's broken." Lexi nodded allowing the Scott to clean and bandage the wound on her thigh in silence but not before she scooped up Happy's abandoned beer on the bar and downing it in one go and taking a long hit off the joint. "When I know what's goin on with your ankle, I'll give you something for the pain and to chill your nerves love." Lexi gave him a thin smile before carefully putting the now significantly shorter joint between the Scotts lips who gave her a roguish smile in return. “I’m good,” she muttered.

From her spot at a table Gemma lit a cigarette massaging her temples as she puffed and puffed.

#sons of anarchy #soa #soa fanfiction #Jax Teller #jax x oc #jax teller x oc #jax teller x reader #happy lowman #happy lowman x oc #happy lowman x reader #gemma teller #angst #romance

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purplesurveys · 5 years

Text

694

What song are you listening to right now? I’m not listening to anything but the last song I played was Violet by Daniel Caesar; I don’t actually know the song but it was part of a playlist on Spotify. Admit it -- you want a Snuggie. What design/color? I don’t even know what that is, but if it came in pink I’d want one. Do you prefer movies at home or movies at the theatre? Home is cozier and costs much less, haha. How many songs does your iTunes have? Ooh, I haven’t used my iTunes in like half a decade buuuut I think it peaked with around 400-500 songs? Idk, I didn’t explore much as a kid and I liked to stick with my favorite singers/bands. Do you take a shower in the morning or the night before? When I’m off school I like to shower at night - much more comfy that way, and I fall asleep faster. But when I have to leave the house whether to go to school, the mall, to crash at someone’s place, etc. I always bathe a few hours before. Always. I hateeeeee not feeling fresh when I go outside.

What's your academic niche? (History, math, science, etc.) History for sure, but there are some science topics I’m also okay in. Who's your youngest teacher? They’re all already pretty seasoned lol I can’t actually tell. I think it’s Ma’am Cai; welp, at least among my current professors, she’s the one that acts the youngest. Have you ever had the samples people offer you at Costco? I’ve never been in a Costco but I typically don’t get samples from our local groceries because idk, they just look nasty :/ The only samples I get are the free ones they hand over at Starbucks and Coffee Bean, haha. If you had to name your kid after a food, what would his/her name be? I’d take olives and turn it to Olivia, which was always my choice for a girl anyway. But if it really had to be food-inspired I’d go with... Brie for a girl, or Sage for a boy. Miley Cyrus: Inspirational role model or a ho? Get with the times, 2009 survey. This question won’t get away with that word today. Anyway, Miley is a badass. I never changed my mind about her, maybe except for that time she did that performance with Robin Thicke. Are you stressed about anything? Right now no. I’m on a six-week break, I wanna enjoy it without thinking about the stuff that would typically stress me out. When's the last time you had a rock, paper, scissors match? It’s been a few months. What's your favorite anime? I don’t watch anime... the only show I got into was Pokemon. Did you cry when Ash let his Butterfree go with the other Butterfrees? I vaguely remember that but I probably got sad over it when I was younger. Don't you hate it when Facebook auto-corrects your smiley faces and hearts? I don’t mind it. Skinny, flared, ripped, or faded jeans? Ugh I hate all of these. I have a lot of skinny jeans in my closet but they’re always a last resort - my go-to these days is mom jeans. What are you excited for? Meh, nothing in particular. I wanna say my birthday? but who knows what the world is gonna come to be by then. Are you part of the Farmville cult? No I never played. I wasn’t allowed to make a Facebook account at the time when games like that and Petville and Plants vs. Zombies were big. What were you for Halloween? Last year I went as Dora. AND IT WAS SO ANNOYING because the party we were invited to prohibited shorts??? And 1) Dora wore shorts and 2) I searched far and wide for a pair of orange shorts? It was the first time I heard of a dress code that strict for a college party lmao I couldn’t believe it. Thankfully Rita had just bought a pair of orange jeans so she let me borrow those. Have you ever had braces? Back in high school. What year of high school are you in? I am not. What's your favorite flower? Peonies. Would you ever bleach your hair? Probably not. My hair has faced enough damage. Have you ever stood on a frozen solid body of water? No. That sounds scary though. I’ve heard and watched people fall through ice :/ Would you ever take up smoking or drinking? I’m already doing both. Thanks, college and peer pressure! Do those girls with 1,000 friends on Facebook REALLY have that many? I dunno, who knows? It’s always possible. I have a bigger problem with the fact that this question just singled out girls lmao. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Uhh Earth Hour, if it counts? If not, we have Araw ng Kagitingan on April 9 which commemorates the Fall of Bataan during WWII. Are you cyberdyslexic? Is this even a thing? I’ve never heard of this until today. Are you regular dyslexic? No. Is there irregular dyslexia? :((( What would your name be if you were a boy? I don’t know. My parents didn’t think about this either I think. Which person from way back when would you love to hang out with? My great grandpa. Either him or his cousin who wrote a book on history. What color are your eyes? Dark brownnnnnnn ugh this will FOREVER be in surveys won’t it. The forever on-going question: Is Twilight stupid or actually brilliant? It’s so stupid. BUT I LOVE IT ok. Did you carve pumpkins for Halloween this year? No. We don’t do that here. Does your family use a real pine tree or a plastic one for Christmas? I think most households here use artificial trees. I was already a little old when I found out other countries would use real trees. Do you know anyone with a play-on name? (Chris P. Bacon, Justin Case, etc.) Not personally but super recently someone named their kid COVID BRYANT and it was all over social media for a few days. Covid Bryant. Let that shit sink in. Only Filipinos, man. Do you have any foreign exchange students at your school? Yeah, mostly Koreans and Japanese people. If you had a week to live, what would you do? I don’t have much of a choice, do I... I’m gonna be stuck at home and do the stuff I’ve already been doing in the last three weeks, and just hope I had fun.

Are you good at brain teasers? Some, but I don’t enjoy doing them in general. Is your handwriting nice? I can handle a pen pretty well, if I do say so myself. I have a neater penmanship than most people I know. What's your second language? English. Is it uncomfortable for you to take showers in glass stalls w/out curtains? Not really but the door has to be locked. Finish the sentence: Remember, remember... The fifth of November? I dunno why I know about that though. Did you understand Shakespeare? No. I always bought the No Fear Shakespeare editions cos I had absolutely no patience to try and understand the original text. What do you want to be when you're older? Rich. What's your favorite dog breed? Golden retriever or pitbull. Are you one of those people who take like, 50 Facebook quizzes at a time? I’ve never taken a Facebook quiz. What was the last shot you got? It was at the roof of my mouth, back when I had a tooth extraction. Ever gotten cavities? A few times. Can you differentiate between the words "your" and "you're?" Yes. Do you use hair ties as bracelets? Lmao always. Don’t most girls do this? What was the last school project you did that you couldn't wait to turn in? My book report for my business journalism class. After I proofread it like 6 times and triple-checked the word count, I couldn’t waitttt to get rid of it. Have you ever graded papers? Sure. I’ve said it in past surveys, but my org hosts journalism workshops to interested schools, whether they’re in elementary, high school, or college. At the end of the day they have to come up with their own articles, and then we check each of them, correct the mistakes, grade them, and give it back to them with our comments. What was your favorite year of school up to this point? Third year of high school. I don’t really have a favorite year of college... I had lows in each of them. What's the latest you've ever woken up? 11 AM. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? For a time I did cos Angela taught me. Then I just never sang it again so I ended up forgetting. If you could master one language in thirty minutes, what would it be? Korean. Are you a sucker for foreign accents? No. Sometimes I find it hard to understand. Where were you born? Is it the same place you live currently? I was born somewhere in Manila, and I live faaar away from there now. How often do you remember your dreams? What did you last dream about? Only if I note them down on my phone. The last dream I remember having was too lengthy for me to want to type it all down, but it involved me and Gabie being exes, and she had her own kid hahaha. When did you learn the ninja turtles were named after Renaissance artists? Pretty early, I guess. I’ve never seen the show though. Do you do yoga? Nope.

#survey #surveys

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cryptidofthekeys · 5 years

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Its another tf2 oc and im not ashamed

Let me break it down to y’all how this happened, so basically- I wanted a mafia-esque spy character but then my brain decided ok mafia mans is coolio BUT WHAT IF... t e n t a s p y mafia boss man? And voila here this fucker is

Name: Alphonse Blanchard | Titles/Nicknames: The Spy, Boss which usually his "partners" call him that, or just call him Alphonse, only ONE person can call him AL, anyone else tries it and well it wont be a very pleasant experience | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Used to be a normal human, now he's a Tentaspy- a m o n s t e r. | Age: 49s/50s | Occupation: Even tho he's got the title of The Spy n such- he's p much teechnically a Mafia Boss- b i g boss man for sure- | Height: When he was human he was about 5'7", but now he's 8'9" (nearly 9ft) | Eye Color: His eye color when he was human was a Steel Gray color, his eyes are now a Charcoal color (mostly for their meanings n stuff), his pupils are also slit ones now. | Hair Color: (even though most of his face except for his eyes and mouth are covered by a balaclava and you'd most likely never see him without his mask on, his hair color is black with grey streaks in the sides of it, however for the record- his hair is VERY tidy and slicked back) | Appearance: Now, not much changes tbh- except... he cant wear pants bc of the tentacles on his lower half but I'll get to those in a minute, he wears v e r y fancy and HIGHLY expensive suits, only the f i n e s t of clothing for him, usually he wears dark gray or black suits but he does have other colors- their just ALL dark colors, he likes the appeal of black or gray colors- and he d e f i n i t e l y loves the meaning behind them, they fit him so well... He also wears fedoras, he has some rings (you know the ones- the ones that some mafia characters or just big shots in general tend to wear- yeaah, his biggest ring and the one he usually wears has a skull on it-), and he of course has a circle beard, oh and he has a lot of scars both on his upper human body and his tentacles even, just- gettin that outta the way right quick- now onto his more monstrous features... For starters, let's get the simple one out of the way, he DOES have claws now, long sharp black claws to be more specific- his tentacles are pitch black on top with Smoke Gray tiger-like stripes going down them his underbelly is also Smoke Gray color- and oh boy... here's the most complex thing- his teeth, while all his teeth are p much bear trap teeth, his lateral incisors both top and bottom are longer kinda like vampire teeth or something like that ya know, his actual canines both top and bottom ones along with his first AND second premolars (again both the top ones AND the bottom ones are actually curved (kinda like an anaconda's in a way- p much- just- hooked teeth, perfect for hooking onto prey and not letting go if need be) | Personality: Oh b o y well, where to even begin with this motherfucker? He's narcissistic as hell "I k n o w I'm handsome, yes~" and god forbid you compliment him or anything- bc with e v e r y compliment, every good thing said about him his ego inflates and grows tenfold, even if you say bad shit about him- he don't give a fuck- as long as it doesn't affect his reputation then you'll be fine! He'll just pay no mind to petty insults or anything, at first- insults calling him a monster n anything similar bothered him, it made him feel sick every time someone had used those insults but now? Now... While he would MUCH prefer to have legs again (its honestly just bc its easier to walk around with legs than tentacles), he e m b r a c e s the fact he's a monster, he knows there's no reversing this, if there was- he would... he wouldn't go OUT of his way for it BUT he would at the very least TRY to get his hands on whatever could cure this, ahem anyways- he's come to terms with what he is even if some things about it aren't... ideal... I wouldn't say he's EVIL really, he's more so a neutral unless provoked/attacked- t h e n he'll "take care" of whatever or whoever's causing the problem with NO mercy whatsoever, but other than that he can be a reasonable man, just don't piss him off, steal from him, etc- basically don't make enemies with him and you should be just fine, he isn't one for small talk or anything like that, he wants to talk business, business and m o n e y even, even if he is a fucking HIGHLY rich bastard, he always wants more- he's got a BIT of a greed streak in him for sure (that doesn't mean however he won't let others borrow money, he just expects them to pay it back in the end or sometimes... he'll use his money for ahem, undercover classified reasons...) He'll flirt with a n y o n e if they happen to catch his eye, not just ladies either- men, ladies, no gender? What the fuck ever, if he wants- he's GONNA flirt with anyone, even if it might not end in love or whatever, he doesn't? really? He doesn't really care tbh, love is alright and if it happens it happens but honestly- he's just a fucking flirty b i t c h, who loves to see that flustered look and get a reaction from the other, you'll never truly know... feelings? Maybe but probably not... (tl;dr: Flirty bitch- I wouldnt hold hopes for feelings, greed streak but isn't afraid to let others borrow money so long as they pay it back in the end- some things he uses it for are classified- p much [REDACTED] info, neutral unless provoked/attacked, no mercy nor care towards enemies- can and WILL wipe out every single one of his enemies without a single t r a c e being left behind, even tho he's a monster now and has a LOT more strength than a normal human, he still tends to use guns or knives but isn't afraid to use his monstrous features if need be, narcissistic bastardery at its finest- compliment him and watch his ego inflate! "Don't you want r e a l friends Alphonse and not just henchmen or lackeys?" "....Non, not in the slightest, absolutely disgusting to even ASSUME I need friends, I, myself am my best company, better than any friend could e v e r do" w o w- b a s t a r d energy there huh) | Side Facts: ...Truth be told, he won't e v e r forget the day he turned into... this... this t h i n g... Even if he's accepted his fate, even if he's accepted to be this monster, the memory still lingers and haunts him and his very dreams, he has nightmares about it, and its mostly due to the agonizing pain he felt d u r i n g his little "transformation", it happened one day- he was in his own medic's lab (yes, the bitch has his o w n doctor), it was a normal routine health check up his medic liked to do- the man was always harping onto Alphonse for that pesky smoking habit of his, but then suddenly, one of the rival- well, t h e y call themselves family- Alphonse only considers the people he hired to be henchmen, lackeys, OR- just employees for basic terms, but one of his rivals broke in and decided to open fire and of course, it turned into an all out gun war, Alphonse DID get shot- which is what caused him to stumble backwards into a shelf full of god knows what, after he bumped it, a few jars of weird substances had fallen onto him, after that he could feel his body twisting and contorting, he remembers the a g o n i z i n g pain he felt that day, it was worse than that mere gunshot wound that he had... Aside from the horrifying memory of what fate had befell him... He also remembers what he d i d to his little rivals... He remembers the mortified and terror-stricken look on their faces, all of them had ran- except for... their boss... so much for "family sticks together" huh, he remembers slithering over towards the boss, who- well, he tried to fire from the looks of it, but he was so terrified that he had dropped his gun, Alphonse had never seen such terror on a grown man's face like that, but he loved e v e r y. s e c o n d. until the very end, he doesn't remember what came over him in the end, maybe it was blind fury, or maybe it was just instincts, but after he did what he did... He remembers seeing the boss's head ripped off completely along with other limbs ripped off and flung across the room. Unfortunately, his suit was v e r y messy after that- He actually still keeps the boss's head preserved- almost like a t r o p h y in fact... ....Oh, your probably wondering what happened to his doctor, right? ....Well, I'll say is he's still out there, he didn't get killed- neither by the rivals nor Alphonse's instincts/fury, but truth be told... He doesn't REALLY wanna come back, he wants to stay hidden- I will say, yes- he DID see Alphonse transform, but after that he fled- part of him figured deep down that Alphonse would be v e r y angry with him since h e was technically the one who had those jars just sitting around on the shelf and he did NOT wanna stick around if that man was c r o s s with him... now whether or not Alphonse will ever encounter/find him again? ... Who knows- h e h ASIDE from all the backstory of why he turned into a Tentaspy, let's move onto things Alphonse just- likes to do in his spare time when he's not talking business n all that jazz- He usually smokes some of his cigarettes or cigars, he loves the cigars more though- he'll also do some reading in his spare time as well, or he'll listen to some calming music- sometimes he'll do all three, smoke, read, and listen to some calming music- he's not... the most exciting man, he's just usually busy- so when he's not- he'll just do those things- He'll SOMETIMES go outside and get some fresh air, usually its at night- not necessarily just bc there's l e s s people to worry about- but usually because he enjoys looking up and seeing the moonlight when its out, such a beautiful sight...

#tf2 oc #team fortress 2 oc #tf2 spy oc #mafia boss oc #gore warning #blood warning #my oc #tentaspy oc

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shiorita · 5 years

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The 100, 601,

I need to write about some stuff, but today I watched the 601 so, let's go first with the review. I'm going to play it again not to forget anything, so this is going to be chronological. (They are 43 points).

1) The 100 intros are one of my favorites ones among tv shows. They tell us a lot of information with it, practically every place they are gonna visit and on which characters they are going to focus. This one is also refreshing because we stop watching the same places we already know (Polis, Arkadia, Allie laboratory, etc.) It's nice to see new locations. About characters, they put Shanon Kook and Henry Ian Cusin on credits, so I guess Kane is going to appear again. And they are going to focus on Jordan! YAY! (I miss Mondy and Harper already).

2) Raven being a bitch part.1. (I address to this later, but let me express my thoughts during the episode). You kept your humanity because of people around you were eager to risk their souls from maintaining intact yours. I'm not sorry for not forget that Finn went to jail and send to the ground to die because you wanted to spacewalker even when you know that the lack of air kills people in the ark.

3) Zaven. Just because. Ok. Whatever.

4) Jordan. Jordan tries to be attentive to everyone on the ship. I loved that Marper used Clarke's parenting book so he knows the good things about everyone and he's not prejudging. I think every time I see Jordan, I'm going to scream internally: Give me Monty and Harper back! I miss them! Also, I can't wait to see his face when he eats something that wasn't an alga. It'll be marvelous!

5) Emori, nobody asked you! Clarke wasn't even interested in talking with you guys, so leave her alone. Moreover, you accused a random guy of torture you, so they try radiation on him because you were scared, and I pretty sure that if the guy wasn't there, nobody touched you because Murphy was on your side and Clarke would be on Murphy's. I get you were scared but so was Clarke, so back off.

6) Echo is cool. My Bellarke heart hurts because of Echo sides with Clarke.

7) Bellamy's face when Clarke comments about him putting O on coma shows guilt. Interesting.

8) Abby looked at Jordan as he was a magician. Who's the 100 deus ex machina? Of course, it's the purest and impossible to forget Monty Green.

9) Echo being cool, part. 2 (I trust Monty)

10) Bellamy is now the leader, and it's kind of funny because he already agreed with Clarke to go down and check the planet, but since Echo agrees with that too he decides to send everyone down.

11)Raven being a bitch, part 2. Ok, girl, it sounds you are on the defensive.

12) Bellamy-I-am-your-father, part 1. (You stay with the kids until you know how to behave appropriately)

13) ECHO! I love this girl. She doesn't even care that Octavia hates her. She wants Octavia being near Bellamy. She called Octavia "one of their best warriors," and she's damn right but also she's brave because, well, yeah, Octavia has a right to hate her. (Echo being cool, part 3)

14) What do you mean late, honey? Because I think Echo is not thinking about surviving but forgiveness. She doesn't want Bellamy dies before he could get on terms with his sister. Love this girl.

15) Miller! I was mad at you last season, but it says a lot about you to say sorry to Bellamy. He forgives you because I think it's easy for him to blame Octavia for everything (ey, Octavia used to do precisely the same. I don't know why it's easy for Blake siblings to blame each other. I guess because at the bottom of their hearts they know they are always there while if they get mad with other people, they lose them).

16) I saw many gifs that show how Bellamy and Clarke look to each other while they descend to Alpha, but I think all of them are looking at Zach like: save us, please! Not the Bellarke moment I was waiting for.

17) I got that feeling from gifs, and there is it again: Echo rolls her eyes while Clarke talks to Bellamy. I'm sure she knows about their story, but it can help. How the hell is she not going to fall in love with Bellamy?

18) I thought the "he'll come around" goes for Murphy. I don't mind if Zach doesn't come around. I don't care what he thinks about Clarke at all.

19) Has anyone anything better than "we're back, bitches"? Thank you, Monty.

20) Raven, if you want to forgive Abby, do it. If you don't want, don't. But using her guilt to make you feel better because you expect her to disappoint you, it's not healthy, and it's going to solve anything. I get you are mad, but you have been upset since your first appearance, so it's up to you.

21) Octavia and her little tear. Where's my brother? (So many parallels with these two I can't wait for a Blake hug)

22) Emori, Bellamy and Clarke's faces when they see Murphy is okay. They're going to kill him one day.

23) It's sweet how Bellamy looks at Echo like "do you want to go to the lake" and she is like "no." They remind me of Finn pulled Clarke to the first lake the delinquents found in their first trip.

24) Jackson and his "oh my god. We are aliens" was priceless. If only he could spend time with Monty, the two couples could have a good time together. I suddenly remember how well Miller and Harper got on. And now she's gone, and Miller can't repair the damage. Poor kid.

25) When you realize how poor your choices were, you can be honest about yourself and try to be a better person. I'm not talking about forgiving yourself but not being a jerk to anyone. If Miller did, the rest could do it.

26) I think the forgiveness thing is not a Bellarke thing anymore. Not only because it's the main reason Becho begins but because everyone needs that. They need to learn how to forgive others if they want to be able to a)forgive themselves and b) be happy. So, guys, if you need forgiveness, it's okay, I give it for you!

27) Yours too, Murphy! Clarke is kind of tired of your shit. Just give her a moment or leave her alone. By the way, I want my sarcastic Clarke to come back. I still remember how bad as she was in the first season when she didn't weight the future of the human race on her shoulders.

28) I love to see how they grow up. Like, they are not these bunch of kids that are sent to the Earth to survive (or not). Like, they are prepared for everything. It also reminds me at the beginning of the second season, when they are ready for the poison smoke.

29) And of course, Clarke has to jump into the danger to save Zach. Do you want acts? They there are. At least you can say thank you. But okay, you open the Raven's development arc. May we meet again.

30) Raven, honey, what's it come from? If you don't want to be near Abby, don't interfere in her business. It's simple. Stay away. The fact you go on and on, it's because you want to hit where it hurts. And that's not only self-destructive, but it also makes people around you leave you.

31) Talking about people who like to hit where it hurts. I like Miller is on Clarke's side.

32) I loved Emori's face when Bellamy said he trusts on her on being a pilot.

33) I want a spin-off about Becca.

34) It's kind of weird to see them dealing with a civilized place, not just forest and ruins.

35) Hello, kleptomania.

36) I still remember the lesson Jaha gave to Octavia. He explained everything so well that it makes "easy" to forgive him. But yeah, she's kind of right about Kane and Abby. They chose to hide behind the rulers (Jaha, Octavia) to make their own treaties with the enemy but when they were their own enemies (on the bunker, on the ark), they forgot about their responsibilities even when they were the ones the rulers chose to trust on the most. I get Octavia's fury, and I like to see that she does not enjoy seeing Kane suffers and tosses blood. By the way, I think she burnt the farm because the perspective to spend another day in the bunker was making her sick. She understood how hard was for everyone to survive, so she took the responsibility (My sister, my responsibility; I bear it, so they don't have to) and blamed, if and when Wonkru could leave the damn bunker. If Kane and Abby can forgive Clarke, Bellamy, and Jaha, the hell they can't forgive Octavia.

37) Raven is waiting for Abby to disappoint her (at this moment, I can't think that it's a disappointment. You girl want Abby to be an addicted again, only to make yourself feel better. I leave you to figure out what's your problem. And... Abby decides to be done with Octavia and Raven's shit and stand for herself. "Never again" Or what you want to think about me, it's up to you, I'm done.

38) Knocking On Heavens Door is on the playlist. Murphy! Sing that song!

39) Murphy singing was priceless. It remains me that time, in Bellamy's all-terrain, when Monty and Jasper were still alive, and Bellamy and Miller were also there, and they only sing. The beginning of season 3. One of the few moments I saw them enjoying being alive.

40) People who live here left everything so well that it seems they were waiting for someone to appear and survive for its visit. Just in case. Where the hell are they?

41) Bellaaaaaaaaaaaarke. Ok. Calm down. So, he said the I'm sorry, and I love how Clarke panicked when she realizes that he knows and he can judge her. I think she realizes that she was in love with Bellamy at the end of season 5 so she's not ready to confront him yet. And I guess he always believed that his love was a one-sided one, so she will never like him as he likes her, even they are very good friends. So they try to be cool to each other but... it can't help it. They're flirting. As in the Unity day episode.

She is the only one he could talk about Octavia, the one he could trust in being this hurt brother who still loves his sister. I wish Octavia would've (go to school). He speaks to Clarke about Octavia in a softer way than he did with Echo because only Clarke had seen him trying to approach his sister uncountable times before. "She'll come around," Clarke said, and she was right, but now Bellamy feels that if he did things in another way, his sister would never become who she is now. He thinks that part of her dark development is on his fault and he only wants to admit it with Clarke.

42) Bellamy calls Echo to show her the book, and he gives it to Clarke. Suddenly he forgets about Echo being there... I understand why Echo crosses her arms, which it's usually a sign of protection or defensiveness.

43) Clarke is the first one to realize Emori is attacking Murphy and she runs toward him. Guys, you don't deserve that girl.

Conclusions? I think we are going to see a development for Raven, who, by the way, has sex in the first part of the episode and has a blood test in the second part, and I watch so many tv shows to understand that as... is she going to be pregnant? Because if it's true, well, finally, her love life is not going to disappear because an actor signed a contract and she might understand how it was for Clarke when they put Madi on risk.

Who the hell took their ships? The good news, at least for Echo, is Octavia is already wake so she can defend everyone.

I completely in if the season is about characters talking about each other. These people need lots of psychological treatments. They need professional help. Why are there only three doctors in the damn place? Why don't they train anyone? What would happen if Clarke, Abby or Jackson disappear? At least Monty taught Jordan to be an engineer.

See you next week. I still want to talk about other stuff, but I've been writing this post along an hour, and I need a break (Also, English is not my native language, so it's kind of tiring)

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idolizerp · 5 years

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LOADING INFORMATION ON INDIGO’S MAIN DANCE, LEAD VOCAL, RAP MOON JIHUN…

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 26 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 18 COMPANY: MSG ETC: this member is known for their involvement in musicals

IDOL IMAGE

The steadfast, reliable one.

That’s what he is, that’s what he needs to be, or so he’s told.

Not the one who ever truly stands out, only ever when he’s given the time to take center stage as a dancer, but a jack of all trades who blends smoothly into anything that’s thrown at him. Dancing is what he does best, and he clears the stage every time he’s on there, so much so that there’s articles written about how he comes alive, and there’s comment chains about his so-called duality, on stage vs off stage, the artist vs the person, as if they truly knew either at all.

Where his bandmates are electric and mysterious, where they’re magnetic and bring people in, his job is to keep them there, to be the anchor. He’s approachable, perhaps a little too much, and the company pushes his open and earnest relationship to fans, because they need it. The company tells him to be the best friend, the big brother, never the favorite but good enough to make people feel comfortable. The meek shall inherit the earth, as they say.

It’s a polished and just-flawed-enough version of who he’s always wanted to become, once, before the mirror cracked and the smoke vanished. Smile for the camera, be that boy, strong, unwavering, always there for others, sometimes not quite there himself.

He pursues musicals, gets the OK from the company after much insistence, after convincing them that it’ll allow him to show versatility, that that’s the thing they want for the group right now. Selfishly, he wants it for himself first, to show that he can take on that challenge and see it through. The company agrees, if only because they need it, a way to show and confirm, after re:group, that their idols can truly adapt and thrive no matter what’s thrown at them. It’s publicity, at least, but then it’s up to him to make it good.

There’s a sort of vindication in it, although he’s always been told to avoid being too prideful, but sometimes he can’t help it. No hurt in telling yourself you’re doing well, after all, that your best is enough for once.

IDOL HISTORY

corner of the sky.

“Special”.

“Gifted”.

“Prodigal”.

Words that mean too much, until they dont mean anything at all.

When Moon Jihun is seven years old, his parents sign him up for the school talent show, at his express request. He had seen this performance on TV, of an artist whose name he can’t remember and that his seven-year-old grasp on language would probably jumble anyway, but it shakes something up in him like nothing has before. It plants a seed in his young mind that’s only begging to grow, so he bats his lashes as his mother, and she writes his name down because of course, anything for her little prince. Before he knows it he gets a taste of it, the costumes and the light and the dramatics, but most importantly he hears his own voice, feels his body moving, and he loves how it makes him feel.

Passion feels like all he needs and he cultivates it, for all the years afterward, and it’s only the beginning of the road. It’s also the foundation of a home, for Jihun, and back then it’s whole and beautiful and precious, not in ruins quite yet. He’s his parents’ and grandparents’ treasure, the pride of Seogwipo, center stage in flashing light. The family’s crown jewel who can do nothing wrong in their eyes.

Jihun, you’re so much more advanced than all the other kids!

You know, our Jihun practices a lot at home.

I think it shows, he’s so talented!

He works hard at performing because he loves it, but he can’t deny that being told he’s good, being told he’s special, is more fuel to his fire. It must mean he’s doing something right, and it must be true, they have no reason to lie to him after all, they’re only here to encourage and lift him up. Honesty is the best policy, always, that’s what he believes and what he holds on to. So whenever his father grips him by the shoulders and tells him he’s special, he believes it. Whenever his grandmother hangs another picture on the wall, he feels his heart filling with pride. Every time he sees them sitting in a row, all eyes on him, it’s only more motivation to chase this dream.

He’s special, after all.

Fresh out of middle school, he moves to the big city, Seoul, center of the known universe. And, or so he thinks, fulfills his destiny.

The performing arts school building towers over him the first day, so many promises rising up to the sky, all the hope he’d shouldered from all his years practicing finally about to fully realize themselves into something concrete, something for the future.

The future, as it turns out, is a paper plane that burns at the slightest change of direction.

Outside of his bubble, away from his family, Jihun crashes in a way he’s never experienced before. Where’s that special kid, where’s the prodigal son, in the middle of all the other students who are stronger and better in every way? Where’s the gift gone, when he’s struggling to catch up, much less keep up, when he loses his breath and comes tumbling to the floor, lungs on fire, sweat trickling down his back, the unpleasant physical manifestation of failure.

That’s a new word, failure. It stains his tongue like the bitter taste of tobacco, the cigarettes he starts sneaking in between classes, hunched over, curled up on himself against the back wall of the building, shame and disgust and failure, failure, failure.

His parents’ praise echoes in his mind and he tries to crumple it up and throw it away, because it’s not enough. It was never enough and he can’t do anything with it now, not when he feels himself falling behind, slipping away, his dreams so far out of reach he should probably just let them go.

But letting go is not an option, of course. The only thing stronger than his shame is his stubbornness. If he’s just average, the only way is up. If he only has his determination to show for himself, then at least he’s got something. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Know where you stand. Stand your ground. Throw yourself into practice.

He takes everything in stride. Classes, projects, late night training, throw five or six desperate kids in a room and call it a learning experience. Sneak into the school’s studio when no one is looking, stumble upon a classmate, keep each other’s secrets and keep each other afloat. There’s more vindication in knowing he’s trying than in being told he doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s too much sometimes, but there’s this growing, urgent need in Jihun’s gut to just prove that he can, so he keeps going, cultivates his work ethic far away from false promises and little white lies.

waving through a window.

He’s eighteen, waiting at the bus stop when it happens, a man in a cheap suit handing him a business card, the three letters MSG feeling like a punch in the throat. He knows them, of course, anyone with an interest in the industry does. The fine print in is the man’s words, though.

“You’ve got a face that’ll sell.”

It’s a start, maybe. It’s ok if he can capitalize off of that, show what he truly wants to. It’s a chance he can’t afford to pass up. Even if he doesn’t like to think of it that way, everything is a means to an end.

Trainee life is, for all he’s anticipated, just a leveled-up version of school. He gets the call back a week after his audition. The almost soulless voice on the other hand claims they saw something in him, and it’s been a while since he’s heard those words so Jihun takes them with caution, files them in a corner of his mind that’s still marked with a red flag.

He still shows up on the company’s doorstep with his suitcase and his aching heart.

The cycle starts again. Push yourself to the limit, say yes, thank you, I’ll do my best, I’ll work harder, and then do just that. It’s all you’ve got a claim to, after all. In that room he’s just like he was before, keeps himself afloat among the others, and eventually, he finds his footing. He can breathe a little easier, sleep a little sounder, even if he doesn’t get to do either of those things much. Little by little, finally, he makes himself known. Remarkable if only for how diligent he is, people also commend his hunger to prove himself. The downside, that he tries not to let become his downfall, is his tendency to bite off more than he can chew, leaving projects unfinished or unpolished just because he wants to move on to the next one, to do everything at once, to show his worth. Run through a dance cover, move on to some barely formed choreography, or two, sometimes both at the same time because he needs to keep his mind occupied and alert.

His body feels like it’s being taken apart every day, from the hazy dance practices that blend into each other, always longer and more grueling and the next, but he loves it, this feeling, when the world spins and he’s taken along in the movement. It’s all he ever wants to do. It’s all he feels that he knows.

“You just don’t stand out.”

It’s that sentence, that he seems to hear over and over, that makes his blood boil and sets his heart on fire. “If they’re not looking my way, I’ll make them.”

And he does.

If he’s always heard that debuting is the hardest part, he’d wager that following up is harder. It doesn’t feel difficult or painful when he stands on that stage for the first time, finally, a day that he’d begun to think would never come. It feels freeing. It feels like the sky has opened up and all the atmospheric pressure has been lifted, and rain is clearing yesterday’s pain to make way for tomorrow’s joy.

Tomorrow’s joy, he learns the hard way, only comes to the fortunate. They’re not among them. Months pass and comebacks happen and everything remains the same, leaving sweat stains and tear tracks everywhere they go, trying to make sense of a situation that never does. It’s not hard work that makes dreams come true, it’s luck, pure dumb luck, and theirs ran out so quickly that Jihun keeps wondering if there’s something they’re doing wrong.

Still they keep on going, stuck somewhere between determination and desperation, a single red thread that threatens to snap at any moment. It’s burned into Jihun’s skin, this lifeline, the promise of a better tomorrow that never seems to come; low sales, low views, low interest, low morale, but still this hunger, unsatisfied yet, and maybe it never will be.

soul of a man.

Re:group is grueling, worse than he’d imagined, worse than he’s been through.

Against the odds, he hears those words again. One by one as the guys walk in, this one is special, this one is gifted, this one is prodigal, and yet they’re all here, but to him they don’t seem to realize the reason why.

He gets the devil’s part, grits his teeth when he watches the episodes and sees what they’ve made of him, but he makes do with it. After all, this world will only ever let you be who they’ve already decided you are, and in a situation like this one, it’s pointless to fight against it. If you know who you are then it’s enough, and Jihun does, finally. So he works, and he works, because that’s all he knows, and he refuses to let anyone hold that against him at least. If the producers decide he’s the bad guy, too relentless and demanding and straightforward, then so be it. Through it all, he fights like a lion who refuses to die in the cage.

Too often his outspokenness is mistaken for humor, and the things he says that pertain to the hardships of the industry are brushed to the side or not taken seriously. The industry is cruel, this much he knows, but even in the role he’s been given, even as the MCs and the managers try to silence him, he knows he can hold on to what he believes. Sure he has to compromise, and it eats him alive on most days, how often he’s asked or downright forced to set his conscience aside. The fans notice, a little, but it’s only small things they can get attached to. For now it’s probably enough, not that he’d be allowed anything more.

At the conclusion of it all, under stage lights and scrutiny, as he’s been doing all his life, he waits for his name to be called. But the call never comes. It’s okay. It’s enough. he did his best, and they’ll never take that away from him.

The gate opens to a brave new world instead.

one day more.

Fortune is a funny thing, really.

One day it seems like it’s all but abandoned them, thrown them to the side of the road to fend for themselves and eventually be picked on by vultures, a disgraceful end for a disgraceful life.

The next day, like some trickster god was in a benevolent mood and spun the wheel again, they wake up in a world where people have finally taken notice, where they’re not an afterthought anymore.

The first group schedule after the show, Jihun can barely see through the crowd and the flashing lights. It’s a new feeling and he thinks he could get used to it, even if the little voice in the back of his head warns him that this too shall pass if they’re not careful.

Take the second chance and run with it, because they don’t come easy, because it could be the last. Take the love, the admiration, the trophies, cherish them, because they could slip away at any moment.. Put in your demands now, because they can’t refuse you anything anymore. Now Jihun understands what it’s like to be the breadwinner, the move maker, the one that the light is finally shining on.

In the wake of their newfound success, Jihun gets cast in his first real musical, so far from the cardboard and the watercolor of the school talent show. It’s a never-ending thrill ride, a rush of adrenaline like he’s never known before, one that he hopes he never gets used to. He’s clawed his way up here and he’ll fight to stay, even when the industry is as unforgiving as its ever been.

When the cameras are off, as always, his strong moral compass is both his lifeline and his downfall. Even when it starts working in his favor, he still disapproves of many aspects of the idol industry, silently protests against the personal restrictions, refuses to settle for “this is how it’s always been done.” His intentions to voice that dislike are often shut down by his company to maintain the image they gave him, one that is a little too off to who he truly is for him to stay quiet for long. Maybe one day the industry will change enough that it will never have to be this way again, for him or anyone who shares his way of thinking. For now, if he can keep his balance despite all of it, if he can stay true no matter what, then he’ll have already won.

It takes a lot to break a man’s spirit. Even more when he’s already been patched up, and is held together with renewed hope; and the knowledge that if he holds on to his unwavering belief in what’s right, and keeps on his path as he has, then he’ll find a way out into the light in the end.

#id.bio #id.msg #id.indigo #id.kim taeho

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paperclipninja · 6 years

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Younger post-ep ramble 5x12

Ok, we made it, we’re here. Now proudly donning my ‘I survived Younger Season 5’ commemorative t-shirt, there were moments in the lead up when I thought the anticipation for ‘Lizability’ might actually be the end of me. But nope, managed to survive that and then, miraculously, survive the finale itself (though there were a couple of parts that had me teetering, can you say FOUNTAIN SCENE). As always, I have many thoughts and feelings, all of which I will lay out in this final episode ramble for the season. So switch out your night driving glasses for your reading ones, there is a lot to unpack.

Straight off the bat we get my favourite terrible person, Cheryl Sussman. Taking Liza on the tour of Plaza, she does her best to try and remind us why we should hate her by talking up her company while dissing our beloved Empirical (her calling it a floundering family publishing house felt akin to when you’re snarky about your own family but if someone else says a bad word, HELL NO). But then, as she’s complimenting Liza on her work at Millennial and Liza once again points out she didn’t do it on her own, Cheryl comes out with ‘now’s not the time to hide your light under a bushel’. So now my feelings are confused. I know Cheryl is a bad egg (oh yes, I am HERE for the Chick(y) puns) but her unabashed directness means that she also sees Liza’s talent and won’t let her credit all the success to Kelsey and you get the sense that she might actually be legitimately valued in her own right in this workplace (not to mention Cheryl outright saying that theirs is not an ageist company).

Cue the offer to run her own imprint with the most cringe worthy name a marketing team ever spent ages coming up with. It’s so bad it’s great (I could just hear someone from marketing saying, “I know, let’s put the ‘y’ in brackets for…wait for it…the y chromosome so that it’s clear we’re not just an imprint for women” and the team all high fiving each other before cracking open a bottle of sparkling rose that was left over from the Christmas party). Of course no matter how peachy it’s all sounding, we know that the fact Cheryl knows about Liza’s relationship with Charles is going to be used against her at some point, so any confused feelings are quickly quashed when Cheryl throws her own pun into the mix, that this Chick(y) is ready to hatch, and struts off. Ugh, she’s the worst. I love her.

Back at Empirical, Kelsey is blindsided by the news that there is a Captiol Letters party being hosted in Washington that she knows nothing about. Zane enjoys every moment of questioning Kelsey in front of her colleagues and Kelsey’s attempt to save face by telling Charles she’s heading there leads to a conversation I was hoping would happen this season. I suspected that Charles knew there was something going on between Jake and Kelsey and Kelsey and Zane. Peter Hermann is really such a remarkable actor because in the eps leading up this one, during each interaction with Jake or Zane about the book, and even last episode when Kelsey squeezed Zane’s cheeks at the cabaret show, a contemplative expression flashed across Charles’ face as he was piecing together these separate interactions and conversations. Him confronting Kelsey about her relationship with Jake, and also indicating that he knew she and Zane had something going on, was what I needed. It was ensuring she was held accountable as well as an opportunity to make her aware of Zane’s actions in refusing to poach the book.

While we’re in Charles’ office, I’d like to touch on a scene that I really loved and that was the Charles, Kelsey and Liza moment talking about what’s going to happen, following Charles’ meeting with Quinn. Admittedly, Kelsey not understanding what Charles initially says raises some questions about her business acumen, but the conversation between the three of them once the news of Millennial becoming the flagship brand is revealed was the first time I’ve seen them talk together like this (and I really enjoyed seeing Kelsey and Liza’s disbelief and elation). Liza pointing out she’s been perpetuating fraud and that both of them are complicit and the glance Charles shot at Kelsey, Kelsey saying in front of Charles that Liza can’t leave, that she can’t do this without her, it’s like these three are bound by the shared secret and their care of Liza and I felt like I caught a glimpse of the potential for the three of them to hang out. I’m not suggesting that Charles and Kelsey are suddenly going to have a blossoming friendship, rather that Charles being out for drinks or the like with the gang, a notion that I’m dying to see but can’t quite wrap my head around, suddenly became plausible and possible in this moment for me.

The most striking part of this scene was the way both Liza and Charles changed the moment Kelsey left the room. You could see them both relax into the comfort of just the two of them, the way Liza says, ‘you know I’m right’ immediately readjusted the power dynamic to that of two equals and transitioned the conversation to one between partners rather than colleagues. Liza reminds Charles of her desire for a career and his smile when she says that by leaving they’ll have ‘us’ was a sweet bonus. Charles trusting Liza’s judgement about Kelsey and talking through his next steps with her further reinforced that he values and respects her opinion and guidance. The one thing this scene absolutely solidified for me was how much I would give (read: A LOT) to see these two team up and become a publishing power couple, seriously, I know that won’t ever happen on Younger but I would be all over that and am already picturing a good cop/bad cop nerdish negotiation scenario and yes, take my money, I’m here for it.

Speaking of negotiations, our billionaire friend Quinn reappeared this week and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing her actually conducting business and talking about putting together a group of investors etc. Don’t get me wrong, in her lunch meeting with Charles the flirt was on as she told him she wants to put her money where her passion is, but I liked her assertiveness around having a specific strategy for saving Empirical. I love this character, she is like the good witch version of Cheryl Sussman (I think. I want her to be good so I’m sticking with this until I see otherwise). And I especially loved her after the conversation with Liza. Quinn and Liza together = yes please. I want them to become friends or at least have some kind of relationship where they go out for drinks together or SOMETHING, because Quinn in business mode not accepting any of Liza’s reasons for leaving Millennial and not relenting until Liza came straight out with the truth….YES! This moment was so so good. From Quinn’s reaction (a shout out to the expression on Laura Benanti’s face in that moment) and Liza saying that the optics aren’t good now that Quinn knows, to Quinn’s response that the optics aren’t good either for firing someone who’s fighting against ageism then offering to celebrate it, it was such a glorious unfolding of events. Of course Quinn goes straight to how it can be beneficial for business and I LOVE that Liza shoots back with the fact it’s good for Claw. And possibly my favourite part of this scene, when Quinn feigns that she never even thought of that, Liza throws chapter 4 straight back at her and Quinn says see, you already know I’m not going to let you go and this kind of intelligent, witty back and forth between two women who clearly respect one another is what I want to see Liza have in her friendships. Make this happen Darren.

The other person I need Liza to be going out for drinks with is Diana and this was reinforced by their interaction the morning in the office when Diana believes the relationship with Enzo may be over. I love that Liza can tell something is wrong and when she asks, Diana tells her rather than shuts her out. Oh how far these two have come! Diana’s hurt is so deep and real and Liza’s attempt to console her with ‘even when you know it won’t work, it’s still hard when it doesn’t’ (which of course is very applicable to Liza’s current conundrum) does not fall on deaf ears, despite Diana’s stone faced request for espresso. The cause of this angst is of course the fallout of the Fatburg Five conversation in Enzo’s new apartment the night before. A few weeks ago I was convinced that there would be a Diana/Enzo (what are we calling them? Enzana? Dizo?) proposal, but that idea took a back seat considering the big move to the big smoke and I’m cool with that considering the events that unfolded between Dizo (maybe?) this ep.

Diana’s first reaction to Enzo’s big news, that she’s proud of him, was lovely but that quickly spiralled downward as the Fatberg Five scenario was outlined and Diana lost it (‘alliteration is just my Achilles’ - same Diana, same). Diana laughing at duty, omg, seeing her be so juvenile and giggly was bizarre and hilarious, but juxtaposed with Enzo wanting to be taken seriously and feeling like Diana thinks he’s ridiculous was heartbreaking. So this scene was just an emotional washing machine really. What it did pave the way for though, was a panicked Diana fleeing the office upon seeing the Fatberg Fracas breaking news shouting, ‘nobody flush anything!’ in a way only Younger could pull off, before arriving at the scene to declare that she’s his girlfriend and barging through the barricade. Diana Trout in that gorgeous coat and that necklace hugging a sewage soaked Enzo as her relief radiated from my screen will forever be etched in my mind. I mean, if clubbing eels to death wasn’t enough of an indication of her feelings for this man, cupping his face as she stood there with actual shit on hers certainly is. This is a woman in love and I’m moving my Enzana (feeling it or nay?) proposal prediction to season 6.

Speaking of predictions, in lieu of a proposal, I had thought we might get an ‘I love you’ moment between Diana and Enzo but instead that (well, sort of that) came from the last place I was expecting, Zane. When Kelsey confronted him about not poaching Jake’s book feeling all affronted, because she seems to think that people only ever do anything to get one over her or undermine her (I have had issues with Kelsey this season and I won’t unload those here, but seriously, she needs some introspection and maybe some help with that insecurity), and Zane dropped the ‘because I was in love you’ line I was very much in the WTF??? camp. I’ve only just started getting to know you Zane, I’m not ready for that kind of declaration! Kelsey’s response, that ‘you don’t say that to someone in the past tense for the first time unless you’re trying to make them feel like an asshole’ was pretty astute, because I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what he was trying to do. I realise I sound way harsh here, but other than enjoying their professional competitiveness, I have little to no investment in their relationship outside the workplace, so for others this may have been a bigger moment than to me. I did like that it brought home the fact that Kelsey’s actions do have ramifications and that it’s not always about winning, as Zane pointed out (I also liked that he knew about the new structure and says that he talks to Charles too, it was a nice reminder that he is her equal. Well, was). My favourite moment between Zane and Kelsey this episode was when he quit and Kelsey realised he already has another job (I SO want it to be heading up Chick(y)), the way he flashed that smile as the elevator doors closed was a pretty boss move and one heck of a way to exit. Game on between these two next season.

I appreciated that Josh and Maggie’s conversation opened with Maggie apologising for Malkie asking for his seed over dessert, as only Maggie could. It provided a nice bridge and showed that the events of ‘Lizability’ followed straight on from the last episode. I do enjoy Josh and Maggie’s friendship and Josh saying that for Maggie, he would have gone through with the donation, was such a sweet moment. It’s moments like this that remind me how much I like Josh as a character, when this sensitive, loving and kind side of him is on display. Josh and Lauren’s is another friendship I so thoroughly enjoy (as you may recall, I just love Lauren in general) and her response to Josh’s deliberation about impending fatherhood when Josh suggested talking it out over some tacos, ‘adorable, but no’, lead to the calling of the cacao mother, a concept so absurd that it should have provided a giant lol but instead provided a poignant and rather beautiful sequence. Now I feel like I need to provide a huge disclaimer here, so please bear with me. I am on Team Charles until the cows come home and I will be the first to jump on the float leading the Charliza parade when these two get their HEA, however I try to watch and ramble about these episodes as objectively as possible, which believe it or not, sometimes takes numerous re-watches (it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it…actually, they probably don’t but whatever) just so I can distance myself from my own shipper bias. While I don’t condone or like the way Josh has behaved towards Liza on countless occasions and I have made it known that the love triangle trope is one that I am tired of and needs to die, I am still invested in Josh’s character being revived and given his own life and happiness. Which brings us to THE dream sequence.

The crafting of this scene and the follow up comments to Lauren and later Maggie, are so brilliantly ambiguous and while on one hand the intention (to provide a crutch to the limping corner of the triangle, ugh) drives me nuts, the brilliance comes from the fact that I can also see this scene as closing the triangle off. This is undeniably a gift to the Team Josh fans, a chance to see their ultimate hope for the show realised and you know what, after this season, if I was a fan of that pairing I’d be beside myself with happiness to be given such an image, except for the baby part. Because no matter whether I was a shipper, a casual viewer or was just here for Diana’s necklaces (I mean let’s be real, who isn’t?) as someone who is invested in all the characters and actually saw and heard the very clear articulation by Liza on numerous occasions that she does NOT want another baby, I cannot accept that the writers would ever push that point again. I have to have faith that the writers would never support the persistence of changing a woman’s mind over something so significant and reduce her choice to something that can be altered through some misguided notion of romance. And that includes raising a baby with Josh that isn’t hers and I swear to god, if I see the argument again that if Liza is with Charles she’d be a step-parent so it’s the same, I would ask you to kindly spend time with a new baby vs. a 7 and 5 year old who also have a mother they live with half the time, because one of these things is not like the other. Ok, now that’s out of my system, back to my point…

While in one way the dream sequence ignites hope for those who feared Josh’s tattoo cover up signalled the end of his feelings for Liza, to me it is simultaneously sad and moving. The reality is, the two things that Josh wants are mutually exclusive and he knows that. Lauren and Josh’s, ‘did you get your answer?’, ‘Yeah I think I did’ exchange was laced with enough ambiguity to leave Josh shippers beside themselves and Charles shippers, well, beside themselves. There is enough room here to inject your own interpretation and bend it to suit your desire for this show, which, regardless of how you feel about the outcome as far as a pairing goes, is brilliant writing and execution. So what is my interpretation? The follow up conversation with Maggie (Josh’s ‘I cacao-ed about it’ was so fab), in which Josh says that he’s decided that when he does have a kid, he wants it to be his kid and wants it to be with somebody he really loves, cements for me that Josh and Liza’s future will be one of platonic love and support. I’m not suggesting that they’ll be parked in that space any time soon, I’m optimistic not deluded, and as much as it pains me, they clearly want to draw out this illusion of a triangle for as long as possible.

There’s a very good chance I’m over-analysing (who, me?!) and I’m clearly projecting my own hope onto this, but Josh doesn’t say he wants to raise a child with someone he loves, he wants to have that child with them. And as we know, that door has closed for Liza. So back to my point about Josh knowing that he cannot have a child with Liza, that those two pieces, child and Liza, cannot go together. To me, he is confirming in his conversation to Maggie that his answer to Lauren’s question is in fact, that the piece he is sure of is the child. So I see this dream signifying that Josh’s desire for a child is unwavering and his desire to find someone he loves the way he loves/loved Liza to share that with is ignited; that Liza appearing in that dream represented the kind of love he wants to have with and for the person he has children with.

Then of course Lauren’s hysterical scream and declaration that ‘the cacao mother, we called her and she is here’ led to the most predicted ‘surprise’ of the finale, pregnant Clare at the door. I know some people are saying that maybe it’s not Josh’s baby but why would she be there if it wasn’t? The only reason would be if their divorce wasn’t finalised, but I feel like that would be a cop out (not to mention, what person would fly when they’re about 5 minutes away from popping out a baby to just catch up with the ex or sign some papers? Puh-lease). When Clare and Josh were together in season 4 I actually thought they were a great match. I mean, I was a bit ‘meh’ on her character, but they seemed to work well, had common interests and I was up for seeing where that would go. So I am very curious to see how this plays out next season.

Now I find myself at one of my most favourite scenes of the entire series of Younger. Last ep I was on fire and this ep I was reduced to a puddle of emotions, so grab a mop and bucket, this swoon-fest is about to get real. Charles and Liza strolling through the park at night near the fountain, SWEET LAWD this scene is more than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams. First of all, we have been transported to a time and place where Charles has fallen out of the classics section of a bookstore and stepped straight from his horse and carriage with rolled up sleeves to become the narrator of his own love story. As he paints Liza and us the picture of how their romance will unfold, the way these two bounce off one another is effortless and playful, there is such ease in their banter. Liza screwing up her face, in response to Charles’ assurance that the two protagonists of his tale do not share a secret past, led to her jovially taking aim with a whole lot of the criticism that has been levelled at Charles on social media from time to time, ‘hmm, well, he’s a little stuffy, recently divorced, will they have any chemistry? Is he fun?’ (and can we please talk about the Charles Brooks facial expressions during this?? ARGHHHH) and no jokes I AM DYING at how meta this is. Seriously. DYING. The fact that Charles gets a right of reply and simply but firmly states, ‘well, she’ll just have to find out for herself’. This is EVERYTHING.

Then this scene takes it up a notch, with Liza prompting a page turn by adding her own offering, ‘let’s say she says ‘yes’. They go to dinner, and…’ Charles becomes so animated and alive in this moment, with the look on his face as he responds, ‘maybe they click’ leading to commencement of melting into a puddle stage 1. He brings the story to life in all its third person narrative glory, through the vivid imagery and tender delivery of, ‘maybe he can hold her hand at the office, and in the street, everywhere. The way he has wanted to do, for as long as he can remember’ and it’s nothing short of sublime (time of death: now) and LIZA I’M GONNA THROW YOUR DAMN PHONE IN THAT FREAKING FOUNTAIN SO HELP ME WOMAN. Though I do love that Charles asks, ‘is she going to get that?’ to which Liza replies, ‘she’d rather not’.

But what I love even more is that when asked if everything’s alright, Liza says ‘of course not’, shows Charles the messages from Cheryl and he then pulls out his own pun in response to all those chick(y) emoji’s with, ‘you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs’. It takes a special kind of person to be able to bring wordplay and an idiom together with such precision to provide actual encouragement relevant to a given situation, but Charles Brooks is that person. And Liza’s initial laugh in appreciation is only amplified by Charles adding, ‘it’s Hamlet’ and I just can’t with these two, honestly. I initially thought that the Hamlet reference was purely to be absurd, but as some astute people pointed out, the musical ‘Something Rotten!’ contains both Shakespeare and the song ‘Make an Omelette’, so I have no doubt this was a nod to that and the fact that Christian Borle (who you may remember as Don Ridley in eps 4 and 5 this season, as well as being Sutton Foster’s ex-husband) was the star of this musical, I am going to be sweeping up the fragments of fourth wall that shattered in this scene for days.

Liza must of course then go and break those eggs and provide us all with a good dose of second-hand awkwardness as she arrives at the Chick(y) party, discovers she’s the guest of honour (we were all with her as she muttered ‘Oh God’ at spotting the peep of chicks awaiting her arrival) and gets to tell Cheryl, who is gulping wine while yelling ‘did you bring the contract?’ that actually no, she won’t be taking the job after all. Angry Cheryl is angry and it’s not long before we discover the ramifications of Liza turning down the role.

When Quinn greets Charles with ‘we have a problem’, you just know that it’s not to do with acceptable font sizes in the workplace. As Quinn shows Charles the blind item claiming that he is having a torrid affair with a 27 year old assistant, we all know exactly what Cheryl decided to do following Liza’s rejection and I tell you what, the vindictiveness exceeded even my expectations. Firstly, Cheryl knows that Liza is not 27 so putting that in the blind item can only be to bring Charles into disrepute and oust Liza to anyone who knows her as a 27 year old and secondly, Cheryl emails this to the investors whose money Empirical is relying on for survival. That’s right, Cheryl Sussman is willing to topple an entire company because she’s butt hurt that someone rejected a job she offered them. In this moment, she has achieved legit super-villain status and I love-hate her even more.

As Quinn confirms with Charles that this is in fact true, the reality of him having an affair with an assistant in his office, despite it being consensual, cannot be spun in any way that makes it not controversial (and I need to comment that I loved Charles saying ‘Liza is not 27, as you know’ - it was a little snippet that let us know that Liza told him she revealed the truth to Quinn, that she and Charles continue to talk openly and honestly with one another). Knowing that as the public face of the company the investors will pull out after this revelation, Charles’ decision to step down is him doing what he has to in order for the company to survive and I cannot tell you how happy I am that this decision was driven by the business, not his relationship with Liza. Yes, the decision is a consequence of the relationship, but that is something he is willingly a part of, it is not Liza’s lie about her age that has caused the issue. And I’m not meaning to diminish the idea that some people have that this was some kind of purely romantic gesture, but he really did not have a choice in that moment but to remove himself from scrutiny if Empirical/Millennial was to continue to operate. And I’m glad. The pressure on the relationship and on Liza had this been a sacrifice made purely for her or them would be so enormous and no doubt lead to serious problems down the track.

When Charles and Quinn announce the news about Millennial becoming the flagship brand and Kelsey’s promotion to Publisher, Diana’s look summed it up really. It’s ok Diana, it’s not just you, Kelsey in that role is flat out bonkers, but on the flipside, if Millennial is now the main brand it does sort of make sense that she take the lead. I have no doubt that Charles’ questions to Liza over the past couple of episodes about Kelsey’s ability to run Millennial will play out next season, just as the fact Liza is there would have factored into Charles feeling comfortable suggesting Kelsey take on the role in the first place. When Charles’ new role is announced, the way he looks at Liza in that moment, as though he is reminding himself why this will be all worth it, omg. puddle. me.

Diana isn’t buying it and I wonder if she thinks Kelsey and Quinn set this up, her disbelief that Charles would accept being put out to pasture serves to enlighten Liza about what actually just went down (oh Liza, you sweet innocent unicorn you). Diana definitely notices Liza’s reaction and her running out of the office, I feel like surely Charles and Liza’s relationship, at the very least, will need to come out pretty quickly next season and at this stage, Diana being left in dark about Liza’s age feels a bit off too. I know that Diana’s role won’t really change at work, but I just really dislike that she doesn’t fully understand the whole context around her and the reasons for these changes taking place.

As Charles is walking away from the office he’s shaking his head, as though he hasn’t had any time to process any of it and is in disbelief at what just happened and the fact it’s real. This is probably not unreasonable considering that this enormous change has occurred within the space of about a day it would seem, so you know, the uprooting of all you’ve known for the majority of your adult life is bound to require some processing.

Which brings us, of course, to the final scene of the season. Liza discovering that Quinn was going to pull the investment because she found out about the relationship leads to Liza’s despair that ‘this isn’t a good thing, this is your life’, to which Charles reassures her that ‘it was, but maybe it’s time for a new one’. With her (puddle). Oh and his kids. As Charles asserts that he has everything he wants, you can see Liza scrutinising his face to see whether he is telling the truth or trying to put her at ease, so when he adds, ‘I’m happy’, she exhales, realising that this really is what he wants. Their shared moment of realisation that this is it, accompanied by her small laugh of disbelief and relief before she adds, ‘then so am I’, transposes their relationship from the place of longing and one day, where it has resided until now, to the world Charles described in the story he told beside the fountain; a place where they can hold hands in the street, everywhere. In that moment they look at one another as if to say, we’re finally here.

As Charles reaches out to caress her face it’s as though he’s bridging that gap between where they were and where they now find themselves. Seeing them kiss in broad daylight in the middle of the park, I realised that despite all their wonderful, beautiful moments since being together, the secrecy has been emphasised by the evening rendezvous or stolen stairway kisses and the impact of the daylight to highlight their relationship being brought out into the open is significant. When Charles outstretched his hand and took Liza’s I’m not gonna lie, I shed a tear. I was suddenly so struck with emotion in that moment, yes, because the dream outlined in the story earlier in the episode was realised, but it also felt like the culmination of every time that Charles and Liza almost were but weren’t, their seasons of un-synchronized passion and desire all building to this moment when they could take one another’s hand. And as they walked, hand in hand, the only sure thing being that they are finally together, the uncertainty of everything else suddenly dawns on them.

Their expressions in those final seconds are not of regret or remorse to me. They are of two people who have had zero time to process any of the events and upheaval that have occurred in the past 24 hours. Only moments earlier Charles was donning a similar look of contemplation before he was intercepted by Liza. Liza has only just heard the news that Charles is stepping down and she and Kelsey will be running Millennial. Walking hand in hand, in the comfort of each other’s company, they are able to begin working through the events and ramifications and what that means for each of them. Their desire for this to work is unwavering, I believe that they both had expected it to transpire quite differently and so, of course, they will now readjust and navigate this new normal. Together.

#youngertv #younger tv #liza miller #charles brooks #kelsey peters #diana trout #tv land #ramble #review #5x12 #team charles #liza x charles

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