#also the fic this is from is a crackfic so...well crack treated seriously

[f-perspective]

Geralt/Jaskier Fic Excerpt

Mid-Chapter 1

While going through their things, Geralt happens upon the xenovox Yennefer had given him some time ago. He almost just dismissed it, shoving it back to some corner of a pack until it either started making a racket, or he was in such dire straits he couldn’t avoid asking the sorceress for help. Slightly disgruntled and more than a little wary, a plan began to form in his mind. 

Skellige came to mind. He recalled when he and Yennefer had been searching for Ciri, she had insisted it was necessary to reanimate the corpse of an unfortunate young man to get information about Ciri’s whereabouts. Geralt had vehemently protested the entire ordeal -- never mind the situation in Novigrad when he’d suggested necromancy quite casually to Triss -- despite the forbidden nature of it, Yennefer seemed to regard necromancy much the same way she might opening a portal.

It did happen to be extenuating circumstances, though…both then and now, in fact. So, though reluctant, Geralt found himself pausing in his packing, sitting on the edge of the inn bed, purposefully ignoring the stiff corpse beside him, speaking into the xenovox. “Yen.” He doubted he would get a response quickly, but it was worth a try. And another try. And another. And-

After wasting much more time than he would have liked to speaking frustrated single syllables into the xenovox, Geralt was about ready to give up. Exasperated, he decided he would give it one final go, and then forfeit and start making funeral arrangements. “Dammit Yen, I need your help to fix something, and it involves necromancy!” A pause. More silence followed his outburst. He sighed. 

“Oh. You should’ve led with that,” Yennefer’s oddly chipper voice finally responds. Always a good sign, that. 

He almost throws the xenovox out the window. He manages to restrain himself, for Jaskier’s sake. “You’ve been there this whole time?” 

“Not as such, but near enough. You’ve been making quite the racket. It’s my day off, you know.” She pauses, as though expecting him to apologize for disturbing her. He’s certain she knows him better than that. “Anyway, what was this about necromancy? Finally come ‘round on it and want to make up for being such a wet blanket in Skellige?” 

TBC

[shardofhope-fanfic]

Hello! Welcome to my brand new, and extra stupid Tumblr! I figured if I was on twitter, I also should post my stories somewhere that would raise my blood pressure a little less. As this is my first post, I figured I should create a master post of my Omori Fanficiton with all the links to A03 for your connivence! This will be updated as more things are written, changed, ect.

My main page, however, can be found HERE

If you want to support my writing, and perhaps throw me some money for rat treats, I have a Ko-fi! You can find that HERE

Finished long form works.

Mari Suzuki's Overly Busy Afterlife. (Alt Cannon/Universe, Mari lives, sorta)

Mari never left Sunny after the accident. She forgave him and promised she would stay until he was ready to tell the truth. Until he was strong enough.

Four years of staying with her gremlin shut in brother has made her slightly regret that promise. Well, more then slightly.

A retelling with a ghost, and a brother with no survival instinct.

Their Time (Post Bad End/Heavy)

Sunny thought he had the strength to tell them and live on after beating Omori. He was wrong. He flung himself off the roof, so he could die without hurting his friends any longer. He was wrong in two respects.

One, they all saw him do it.

And two, he had been falling for several hours.

Now two endings, for your preference.

Featuring an OST created by the lovely Herolich2, which can be found at the bottom of every chapter.

Long term works still in progress.

Dread hunt (Post true ending/ Monster hunting AU)

Sunny told the truth and left Faraway in the dust, never intending to return. With the truth out, he was free. However, something followed from his former home, intending on finishing the job it started.

However, instead Sunny gains a new purpose. After all...

If it bleeds, it can be killed. And Sunny intends to end Something, if it's the last thing he will ever do

Culinary Conversations (Post true ending/ fluffy with supernatural elements)

Sunny is trying his best, he really is. But his own overactive imagination continues to haunt him, even after the Omori was defeated. The road to recovery is long and hard, but for right now he just wants to finish cooking his fried rice.

However, there is an imp in his kitchen telling him that life isn't worth living. What did he do to deserve this?

One shot's and Short Finished works.

Garden Raiding For Fun and Polyamo-profit. (Goofy poly fic)

Sunny and Kel have been happily dating for almost two years now, and things are going amazing! Sunny however, has felt something missing, and has sought to fix that Issue. However, letting Kel plan was perhaps not the best idea in the world.

Meanwhile, someone is trying to break into Basil's house at 3 am. He should be more worried, but he gets distracted.

Sunny the Trash Mammal (A Crack stuffed, 20K word sunflower pile of absurd words. With Cotton Candy, for flavor.)

What happens when you chicken out of confessing so many times, your brain wants to strangle you? You get turned into a odd rat hybrid by your head roommate of course.

Cursed with Rat features and traits until he confesses to Basil, Sunny must fight his newfound instincts, as well as hide his new affliction. Surely nothing can go wrong....Right?

Mari Prays The Gay Away (Homophobic satire and crack. Not to be taken seriously, at all.)

Mari was always the golden child, despite her many, many flaws. Like her gullibility combined with her own narcissism. So when she gets honey potted by an absurdly hot and absurdly religious redhead, she returns home on spring break with a unique viewpoint. Upon returning home, and facing many temptations, prays a bit too hard. she must now retrieve them from the depths of hell, not because it's the right thing to do, but for her own benefit.

(Or in which, Mari accidentally sends anyone not straight right to hell, and is tasked with retrieving them.)

TW: Homophobia, Mild Racism, and a lot of conservative bullshit. (all played for laughs, and showing how batshit most of it is.)

School Speedrun (Post Cannon fluff/Crackfic)

The gang takes far too long to realize that Sunny has been ditching school in his new town to hang out at Basil's house. They think he's a delinquent.

They are wrong.

We're Hosed. (Pre-cannon fluff and childhood stupidity.)

Roused from his sugar coma on their Halloween sleepover, Basil pleads for Sunny to fix his leaky bathroom faucet. As it's driving the blonde nuts. Should be easy, right?

Poly Pillowtalk (Fluffy, Post cannon one bed fic)

The gang kidnaps Sunny to spend Christmas with them. However, a blizzard settles in and they only managed to get a room with one bed. An argument ensues, both sure that they are the object of interest. Turns out Sunny was more sneaky than they thought.

A challenge my wonderful SO. Merry Christmas you degenerate.

Sunny is GAS-LIT by some fucking fruits (A stupid little Drabble)

Sunny can't put his finger on it, but something is up. All his friends were always girls...right?

A silly little one-shot made to poke fun of another story on here... Also, Hero is named Pita, for reasons.

Dumpster Diveing for Love. (Crack Pairing for a friend)

Sweetheart had everything, except sprout moles that could get her the correct flavor of chips. While she's doing it herself, she spots a rather strange specimen and finds herself fascinated.

A little gift for my dear friend Priska (AKA LoveingLetters)

ON HIATUS (Until further notice)

Wander Forth And Carry On (Post True ending with a strange new Headspace)

[imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper]

Some fic ideas I have that I will probably write at some point that I just would like to talk about:

Su'p I'm on a computer so unfortunately the "e" s in Jose's name will be without accents. I will remove this note later if I fix it.

The Three Caballeros:

The trilogy: College, Bahia and Reverie.

Follows the cabs in college with focus on Ze and Panchito and then what adventures those two go on after that, loosely canon compliant with DTs 2017, romantic Jose x Panchito with a lot of headcanons.

***Just a disclaimer with this next one that SweetPancake03 on AO3 is writing a fic with what I think might be a similar premise also based on the whole thing with the Jose animatronic "Dying." I haven't checked it out yet but the first chapter can be found below, give it a read! https://archiveofourown.org/works/28382928/chapters/69543276 ***

Timewarp Jose crackfic AU:

While down down in Acapulco on spring break, preforming on the edge of a cliff of all places, Jose stumbles off the edge into the unforgiving sea. Though they never find a body officials say there is no way he could have survived the fall. He is proclaimed dead, but what actually happens is a bit weirder. Enough said with the title its crack treated seriously but there's like minimal historical accuracy cause I'm hella lazy lol.

Sanders Sides

The Mysterious Disappearance of Roman Grimm

I've talked about this before in its own post (the tag is just the title on my blog if you wanna know a few more details) but its a lighthearted mystery AU set in rural NC. Just some fun with a focus on romantic dukeceit.

Good Omens

Gabe's Shoulder's

Human/office Au with Gabe and Beez! Crowley and Aziraphale are his shoulder angels. Gabriel is miserable office worker just trying to get by. He's also a terrible grump and is completely alone save for the ineffable idiots on his shoulders. There's a scoreboard over his head counting each and every time he earns a point towards heaven or hell and well Aziraphale and Crowley (who, bless him, can't really bring himself to do his job) are getting a bit worried at how far ahead the "Hell" side seems to be. When Gabriel makes a connection with Beez from the rival company right downstairs, Crowley and Aziraphale see it as an opportunity to finally whip him into shape.

Drawga

Unnamed fake dating Au

When a post on Ryjinah's instagram finally blows up because it makes people think her and Legzi are dating she cooks up a scheme that will bring out a lot of long buried feelings in both of them. Chaos insues. Ra'oxah, meanwhile, goes on a quest with Demon Johnny to find a legendary way to restore his body.

[call-me-sammy]

About Walnuts... or something

Matt Murdock crackfic

Word count: 1444

This was great. Perfect. Awesome. Just what he needed right now.

With a sigh, Matt shed off his jacket, dropping it to the ground next to him. The crack of his neck echoed through the alleyway he’d been forced to back into, as he briefly warmed himself up for the upcoming fight.

Fucking kingpin and his stupid goons. They’ve always had a shit sense for timing. Fuck them and their habit of ruining his good mood.

He raised his fists. The scarf he was always carrying with himself since the last time he had to act quickly without his suit (he’d learned from his mistakes, mind you) was now dangling around his head, covering his eyes and nose. Time to beat up some bad guys.

Five minutes later, with a nosebleed and a few bruises that would surely be a dark shade of purple by the time he got home, he kicked the last goon hard in the side. Not because it was necessary (he was already very much unconscious), but because, frankly, the guy was a dick.

He looked down on himself. Or rather, he dropped his chin to his chest and concentrated on taking in all his surroundings.

Now, the stench of blood all around him became obvious. Fuck, he hated the smell of it. It wasn’t his own blood for once, thankfully, but it was still on his hands. And his face. And clothes. On his shirt. On his white, button up shirt.

Awesome, another one of his good shirts ruined. It just had to be one of the button ups he always wore to work, didn’t it? Those goons had no respect for fashion (or sense for it either, considering what they were wearing). Did they have any idea how expensive good clothes could be??

He let out a huff as he kicked him again, this time in the face (just for good measure), before turning away and making his way back towards his apartment, casually picking up his jacket on the way and slinging it over his shoulder.

He’d have to go buy some new shirts.

--

“Hey, sorry, excuse me, could you help me find some, uh... walnuts...?”

He spoke the last word hesitantly, suddenly not entirely sure if he remembered correctly. He’d heard someone, somewhere, mention them being a good, ecofriendly substitute for detergent. For some reason, he had remembered that conversation today of all days, shortly after his afternoon fight, and he’d thought hey, why not try if it actually works? Doing good for nature and all, you know.

Now, he wasn’t entirely sure about it anymore though. Walnuts. It had been walnuts, right?

“I just need help finding them because I, uh-“

He waved towards his eyes, trying to explain to the Aldi employee why he needed her help.

“Well. I’m blind.”

Yes, she knows Matthew. You’re wearing toned glasses and you have a white cane with you. It’s pretty obvious.

The employee just shrugged. “I kinda figured. So, walnuts, yeah?”

“Yes. Walnuts. I need them for, uh. For washing.” He added dumbly, regretting it immediately. Now she was gonna think him a weirdo, great job Matthew. Who even used walnuts for washing, anyways?

“....and to eat them. Of course. Cause walnuts, uh, they make smart... from what I’ve heard. Uhm...”

He trailed off, as soon as his brain, helpful as ever, informed him he was only making it worse. Yeah, he could really use some “smart” now. Damn it, Matthew, get your shit together.

The girl didn’t even bat an eye, she just shook her head slightly and gently took him by the elbow, guiding him down an aisle.

“This way.”

“Oh, and I also need some new shirts? I got bloo- ...blond. Uh. Blond hairdye, on my shirt, because I was... dying my hair—“

He could’ve slapped himself. You have dark hair, Matthew.

She just rolled her eyes (not that he would’ve known) and got him to the clothing aisle next. Customers.

Five minutes later he stood outside of the Aldi again, clutching a bag of walnuts and a maxi pack of plain, white shirts. He also bought a glass of stracciatella yoghurt, cause he was hungry, and impulse buying’s a thing. Sue him, it just smelled good.

Now he didn’t even really need to wash his old shirt anymore since he had new ones, but he was still gonna do it. He was curious now, if it was really gonna work.

Back at home he dumped all of the new shirts plus the old, stained one straight into his washing machine, then put a few of the walnuts in a sock and after a second of hesitation, just threw it in there too. He started the machine, turned away and then just forgot about it for the next couple hours.

---

“Damn, I’m gonna be late again, damn it damn— Foggy, hey!”

He almost crashed into his friend, while hurrying down the corridor as fast as he could while still trying to look like a normal blind guy.

“Christ, Matt, you gotta slow down or you’re gonna break your neck running into someone, man. Where were you? You’re almost late again, and— oh Jesus, what are you wearing?”

Even without seeing it, Matt could feel Foggy's horrified stare on him. Or, rather, on his shirt.

“What's wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Fuck, Matt, is that blood?”

Foggy's voice was a harsh whisper. He pulled Matt into an empty room, pulling the door close behind them.

Matt sighed. With his luck, out of all the shirts he just had to pick the old one, didn’t he?

“No, it’s-“

“Matt. Stop bullshitting. Man, what did you think wearing an obviously bloodstained shirt to work? Are you insane?”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Yes, it is! Can’t you, like... smell it or some shit?”

Matt was growing increasingly annoyed. He crossed his arms over his chest. As if this was his fault. Stupid walnuts.

“No I can, normally, but I washed it. It just smells like soap now. No blood.”

“So what, you just threw a bloody shirt into the washing machine without doing anything else with it before?”

“Yeah, why, what should I have done with it? Isn't just washing enough?”

Foggy shook his head, incredulous.

“Geez, how are you so clueless about all of this? Wasn’t your dad a boxer? You need to wash the blood out first, with cold water, and then treat it with lemon juice or vinegar or something before actually washing it. It won't wash out completely if you don't, man. I feel like you should know that by now.”

“...wait, how do you know all of this?”

Foggy shrugged.

“Had to listen to one of Karen's rants about it.”

“And why would Karen know that much about washing out blood? I thought I was the one beating up people here.”

Foggy gave him a disappointed look, the words “you gotta be kidding me” basically radiating off of him.

“...she’s a girl, Matthew.”

“Yes, I know that, thank you, but why— ...oh. Right.”

“Jesus, Matt, I thought lawyers were supposed to be smart. But you’re just one hell of a dumbass, seriously..”

He shook his head and pulled Matt's jacket closer together over his chest to cover more of the stains.

“...c‘mon, let's just go to my place real quick. It’s closer, but we’ll still be late though. Well, better be late than have our new clients see you wearing that. Would give one hell of a first impression, that's for sure.”

Matt only hummed in response and was about to walk out again, when Foggy held him back.

“What did you wash it with, anyways? Smells a bit funny.”

Matt had noticed too, of course, but it just smelled a bit different from his usual detergent. There was nothing wrong with it. Not really.

“Oh, uh, with Walnuts.”

There was a short pause.

“....with walnuts? Why would you- what? ...Why?”

“I think I heard someone talk about it once? How it’s more ecofriendly and better for nature and all. Just thought I’d give it a try.”

He shrugged, and then grew more and more concerned and confused when Foggy didn’t respond. Then, after a good five second pause, he burst out laughing so hard that Matt actually flinched.

“Soapnuts, Matt, they’re called soapnuts! Not fucking walnuts, soapsnuts!”

Foggy was laughing so hard he was close to tears, wheezing breaths in and out.

Matt on the other hand was blushing hard in embarrassment. Oh god.

“Oh. I thought they said- I didn’t know-“

Foggy just hugged him briefly, a single tear running down his cheek.

“Fuck, Karen is gonna love this!”

---

About a week later, Matt received a package. No sender, just his adress and the word “walnuts” written on it in black ink.

When he opened it, he found a wooden corset inside. Made out of walnuts. (He looked damn good in it.)

@tallbisexualwantstobeloved @whumpdoyoumean @do-androids-dream-ao3acc

Note: alright folks, what you here see is a weird crack fic me and three other people wrote, just for fun. The idea came from a dumb joke and a, admittedly, pretty weird but hilarious conversation, and somehow we decided to make a challenge out of it? So all of us wrote a fic for it. You can find them here, here, and here. I really recommend reading them cause frankly they’re pretty hilarious XD

Thanks for reading!

[captain-aralias]

This was a quiz from a while ago, the time themed fic questions?: Forever, Friday, April, November

hello! this is very unexpected - i had to dig this one out of my archive, all of which made answering these questions extra fun, so thank you! vv nice saturday morning surprise.

forever: do you balance fic writing with original concept stuff?

i've just realised this question say 'do you' rather than 'how do you' - i do not! i think it would be a lie to say that i never want to write my own stuff. but i think what i want is ... to have written my own stuff/to want to write it, and to be known and engaged with as an original writer. and i don't want it enough to do the work of thinking about what to write when i have no ideas. and - yeah - i have no ideas for original stuff! so, i just write fic, which i'm super interested in as its own genre, and which is about characters i already love and know. rainbow hit the nail on the head when she had cath talk about this in 'fangirl'.

friday: most self-indulgent fic you have ever posted?

i mean, they all are. weridly, things i've written as 'gifts' tend to really fit into this category - i wonder if i'm trying to abnegate responsibility for things that so closely align to my id...

the most recent example is my most recent fic - Teacher's Pet (NSFW) - which is the second sequel to classroom politics, and the third example (i think) across fandoms of me writing essentially 'roleplaying as yourself', which is one of my favourite ideas. i wrote 'teachers pet' for other people, i did, but it's also for me... at the end of the day, the person who likes 'classroom politics' most is probably me.

april: have you ever written and/or posted a crackfic?

good question - for me. because it's not obvious that i have. BUT.... i definitely have. i just checked AO3 to see what i thought was crack at the time - i've tagged six things. almost all of them are crack treated seriously, because i tend to treat everything seriously.

The Doctor’s 500 Year Diary - which is the third doctor through the lense of bridget jones though - has to be crack, right? i mean, a bit. maybe it's more of a pastishe. it's pretty good, anyway. i think. (actually, all of these are quite good, if i say so myself. the idea of playing a really stupid idea really seriously is a good idea - she said defensively.) everyone enjoys a good jokes about the UNIT dating scandal, amiright?

november: do you have any rituals or requirements for getting in the mood for writing?

honestly, the main ritual is to think... right, well, time to start writing, then .... i wonder whether anyone's updated their tumblr? hm, well, not much. ok - back to writing. unless... is someone saying something on discord? oh, they've linked a new fic - maybe i should read it ... ok, i've read that fic now, REALLY time to get writing ... except, maybe it would be better if i had a cup of tea...

if you are thinking from this - how does any writing ever get done? the answer is that i do this for a long time. i spend hours and hours not writing and eventually have to put some words down out of embarrassment.

i also listen to the audiobooks to remind myself what the characters sound like. generally chapters 32-33 of carry on or the epilogue for baz, and the beginning or whatever for simon.

--

these questions were from this list of asks. thank you!

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Crack!Fic

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Can't Afford to Fall by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  100543 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Auror Harry Potter, Ex-Auror Harry Potter, Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Harry Potter, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Past Draco Malfoy/Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy & Minerva McGonagall Friendship, Draco Malfoy & Rubeus Hagrid Friendship, Neville Longbottom & Draco Malfoy Friendship, House Elves, Hogwarts Castle, Quidditch, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Boggarts, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Excessive Quidditch, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter is Obsessed with Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy is Obsessed with Harry Potter, minor vomiting in the final chapter, Frottage, Getting Together, Pining, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Resolved Sexual Tension, Idiots in Love, Injury Recovery, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Growth, did I mention slow burn?, POV Draco Malfoy Summary:  Looking at Harry Potter, the Savior of the Wizarding World, curled in on himself on a classroom floor, Draco can't help but think of that scared sixteen-year-old version of himself. All he wanted was for someone to help, to save him from his own choices. And here he is, with Harry Potter pooled before him like blood on tile, needing the same. Draco takes a hesitant step forward. He's on the edge of something, though he doesn't know what it is yet. But there's a choice before him, one he almost doesn't want to make. Draco's been the potions master at Hogwarts for four years. At the beginning of his fifth year, everything looks like it'll be smooth sailing. That is, until the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher arrives and throws all of Draco's well-considered plans out the window. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 to punch & to understand by canonjohnlock Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  12393 Tags: AU, text fic, Social Media AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Non-magical AU, Alternate Universe - Social Media, Harry and Draco text, Humor, Crack, Sexual Humor Summary:  The group chat names are all over the place, Hermione does a keg stand, and Ron passes out at dinner. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Ad Pavonem by Lomonaaeren Rated:  Mature Words:  29460 Tags: Aurors, Crack, Jealousy, Mystery, Peacocks, Birds, Master of Death Harry Potter Summary:  Draco Malfoy, who had seemed to be staying out of trouble after the war, has been connected to smugglers of Dark artifacts. Harry goes to investigate…and runs afoul of a defensive spell at the Manor that makes it highly improbable he can complete his mission. Much worse, Draco doesn’t even know the defensive spell has been triggered. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Ten Points for Gryffindor by VivacissimoVoce Rated:  Mature Words:  31395 Tags: Romance, Humor, Patronus, Christmas, Fluff, Redeemed Draco, Crack, Auror Harry, Transformation, Healers, Post-Hogwarts Summary:  It’s Christmas and Harry is growing antlers, but no one knows why. Perhaps Draco Malfoy can apply his expertise as a Healer and figure out how to remove them. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 nailed by peachpety Rated:  Mature Words:  1788 Tags: Texting, Crack, Friends to Lovers, Oblivious Harry, Cock Soap, Dick Jokes Summary:  An innocent search for a birthday gift has Harry in quite a lather. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 It’s a lovely day at Malfoy Manor, and Draco is a horrible goose by toutcequonveut Rated:  General Words:  2225 Tags: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Comedy, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Crack-ish, Untitled Goose Game References, Task Lists (Untitled Goose Game), Animagus Draco Malfoy, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack Treated Seriously, ish, i dunno i can't tell what's crack anymore, Embedded Images, Getting Together, Animagus Summary:  What the title says ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Wishes by PalenDrome (nerdherderette) Rated:  Explicit Words:  10161 Tags: Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Godparents, Wish Fulfillment, Explicit Sexual Content, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Butt Plugs, Sex Toys, Implied Switching, Light Angst, Humor, Fluff and Crack, Confessions, Auror Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic Employee Draco Malfoy, Be Careful What You Wish For, Thirsty Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Draco meets his fairy godmother and is granted three wishes. Unfortunately, they all keep coming back to the same thing. [excerpt]: Pop! "Oh, wow," Vince says, and is that sarcasm Draco hears? "I never saw that coming." "What?" Draco opens his eyes. He's prepared for the theatrics of the puffs of smoke—Vince, despite the sudden career change, was never blessed with an overactive imagination—but what he was not prepared for was the sight of Harry Potter, bare-chested and dressed in arseless chaps, his hands bound and mouth wrapped around a ball gag while lying face down on Draco's sofa. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Noble and Most Ancient Kettle of Black by MaesterChill, timothysboxers Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  8296 Tags: Established Relationship, Moving In Together, Sentient Objects, Tea, Bickering, more tea, Not all of it good, more bickering, POV Alternating, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Fluff and Humor, Claustrophobia, Panic Attacks Summary:  Things get steamy in the newly formed Potter-Malfoy household. Unfortunately it's not in the sexy way you might expect... When a copper kettle and a porcelain teapot stir up tensions to boiling point, who will be the unlikely saviour to calm the troubled waters with a perfect cup of tea? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er do Well, Rampant Homosexual by Alysian_Fields Rated:  Mature Words:  73008 Tags: Humor, Crack, Explicit Language, Sexual Content Summary:  Draco is the bitchy gay wizard version of Bridget Jones. And he has a huge crush on a certain Boy Wonder... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Malfoy's Secret by justasnake Rated:  Explicit Words:  24059 Tags: Crack, Smut, Alternate Universe - Crack, Gratuitous Smut, Crack Treated Seriously, Shameless Smut, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Doppelcest, Snakes, Time Travel, Shrinking, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Hyperdimensional Bondage, Underwater Blow Jobs, Bodyswap, Coffee Shops, Public Blow Jobs, Eventual Plot Summary:  The Malfoy family holds an ancient and terrible secret. Harry finds out what the secret is on page one. 90% Drarry smut/crack, 10% discussion of higher-dimensional physics. COMPLETE! ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 So find your happiness by LakeWitch Rated:  Mature Words:  40731 Tags: Mentions Of Infidelity, not drarry though, Swearing, Drinking, Drunkenness, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, POV Draco Malfoy, Computers, YouTube, Ibiza, This was all an excuse to research Ibiza as if I was planning a vacation, Dancing, Clubbing, Sexual Tension, charity work, Beaches, Stargazing, Television Watching, Skinny Dipping, Brief talk about Muggle religion, Confessions, there is some drama, someone cries, custard, Literal Sleeping Together, No Smut, crackish?, Crack Treated Seriously, at least, The crack bits include:, DJ Harry Potter, Draco singing along to Britney Spears, Harry makes YouTube videos of himself dancing in his living room, Harry's ringtone is the intro to Aaliyah's Try Again, Too many late 90s/early 00s RnB and Pop references, yes Harry is a DJ in Ibiza, Draco plays Boyz II Men when he's pining, mentions of clown sex, pandemic brain wrote this, ignore me, Oh and Also, Possessive Behavior, Gaslighting, this is really a mixed bag, but mostly enjoying Ibiza and friendly conversation, And lots of dancing, Draco Malfoy is Obsessed with Harry Potter, Stalking, but with good intentions, Meddling Pansy Parkinson, everything I write is essentially the same story Summary:  Thanks to a special interest in Muggle culture, Pansy comes across something rather interesting on the internet: someone who looks very much like Harry Potter is posting videos of himself dancing on YouTube under the name "Evan James". But Harry Potter has been missing and unheard of for years. They say he couldn't take the fame and he'd just up and left the UK behind, with rumour placing him somewhere on the Continent. When Pansy shows Draco one of the videos, something ... well, awakens in him. Something he had very much tried to move on from and forget—that he has loved Harry Potter ever since they were fourteen. Pansy convinces Draco that it's time he travels to Ibiza to find Harry and "shoot his shot", once and for all. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Bitch, I'm Harry Potter by Aylaar Rated:  Mature Words:  12068 Tags: Crack, Fluff and Humor, crackfic, This is crack, What the hell did I write this for, Hogwarts Eighth Year, This Is STUPID, Song Lyrics, Parody, Drarry, Love, Flirting, Kissing, boys, Gay, Help, Pansy is a VSCO Girl, Draco is embarrassed, Skateboards, Dyed hair, Harry wears vans, and he sings songs, really awkwardly, i cant believe i wrote this, I'm super weird, I'm Sorry, Famous Harry, Good Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Alternative Energy, Not Epilogue Compliant, Epilogue? what epilogue, Out of Character, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Crack Relationships, Draco is sassy, Why Does Draco Roll His Eyes SO MUCH, Hermione Wants Pansy, Pansy Wants Hermione, it's cute, Pansmione Will Happen, I promise, Blaise Might Want Ginny, Ron Loves Chicken, Song: Toxic (Britney Spears), Song: Sad (XXXTENTACION), Song: Buy U A Drank (T-Pain), References to VSCO Girls, References to Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe, I May Have Made a TikTok Reference, I'm 26 and I act like a 14 Year Old, Cute Boys Singing To Each Other, Happy Ending, Boys' Love, Boys In Love, Marriage Proposal Summary:  It's Eighth Year at Hogwarts and Harry Potter rocks up with a skateboard, turquoise hair and is fully prepared to prank, annoy and act completely ridiculous. It could be for the attention of Malfoy, it may not be. Who knows? This is a crack fic, it's not serious what so ever and really just a fic full of ridiculousness. This is for my favourite Mommy Puff Complete ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Surprise us by tomoewantsdolls Rated:  General Words:  1036 Tags: Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Portkeys, Travel, Crack, Humor, a pissed off portkey official is vengeful, Mythical Beings & Creatures Summary:  A pissed off portkey officer sends Harry and Draco to an unknown destination. ❤️ Read on AO3

[qrbie]

The Masterlist

Hey. I know it’s been ages since my last fic rec, but my motivation is slowly building again and I think I’m going to have a big one coming up soon. Meanwhile, I tossed a ton onto @0nceuponafanfic, so she might have something brewing for y’all. Anyways, I’ve been updating this thing, so if you ever need a pile to fall back on when I’m MIA, here you go!

Please tell me if I’m missing something, like a trigger warning or a link to someone’s Tumblr. Also don’t be afraid to rec me your favorite fics or even your own fics! I wanna see them. If you want to request fic recs, I’m open for those too! Even if you don’t have fics or even a specific purpose, come to my inbox and mess around. I’m bored and want human interaction.

‘allo people! yeah yeah yeah It’s been AGES since the last update so I’mma dump some new fics into here soon. I’m also gonna fix up the organization a bit. so sayonara and see ya later!

As always, stay hydrated!

Happy pride, everyone!

Last updated 6/23

1-Chapter bits of fluff or angst or something else

one hell of a hook | A TodoBaku fic... but don’t let that drive you away! This is an amazing fic, so please give it a try before you judge.

Mafia Au | What if Present Mic was a yakuza boss and Aizawa was a spy? (There’s a lot more to this, including a lot more art, over at @nartothelar‘s blog)

UA Music Conservatory | a series of one-shots in an AU where UA is actually a music school.

Silent Shadow | has the potential to evolve into something bigger. Nomu!Midoriya is Kurogiri’s protege. So cool.

Present Mic’s Awesome Mixtape 2.0 | Aizawa doesn’t like any kind of music. Shocking, right? After discovering this, Yamada has a new goal. Find a type of music Aizawa likes.

cultivating something so divine | Vet!Kiribaku, with so much fluff and animals and mutual pining that even the hardest of hearts can be softened.

The story of how Midoriya Izuku won the Sport Festival | I love a good dose of Crack Treated Seriously, and here’s some.

Trash Goblin Finds Love | “Bakugou. This is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.”

president of the krbk club | Whenever something exciting happens, what does Midoriya do? Whip out his notebooks, of course. So what happens when Bakugou isn’t pushing Kirishima away?

It's Hard to Get Past Some Things | Whenever Midoriya’s drunk, Todoroki’s his designated caretaker. What happens when drunk Midoriya decides to talk about kids (or pups, whatever)? (A/B/O)

it's just the little things | Bakugou’s interactions over the years (stealing from the official summary here)

The Knock-On Effect | There’s only a couple types of knocks that Bakugou likes. Kirishima’s knocks in the middle of the night are one of them.

Smile for me, would you? | Unlike the rest of us, Present Mics has goals, and actually follows through with them. This goal? Make his neighbor, Shouta Aizawa, smile.

Shadowed Soul, Electric Eyes (We'll Be Okay) | What if Tokoyami and Kaminari, people with completely different quirks, got quirk-swapped?

A Matter of Pride | How everyone in BNHA came out. That’s it. It’s so fluffy, though.

firedancer | Unlike the rest of these, this one has the tiniest bit of angst. So little you’d need a microscope, though. Whenever someone falls in love, romantically, platonically, or any other way, a flower appears on their skin. Kirishima has a ton of flowers, but where are Bakugou’s?

A Mile in New Shoes (and A Mile Too Far) | Artist!Bakugou is invited to his first house party... Luckily he has three guys showing him around.

Boy things | Ashido loves her friends, but sometimes it gets lonely being the only girl in the Bakusquad. Good thing they understand!

come home to me | Kiribaku might’ve gotten a telepathic connection... There’s so much fluff in this one!

one to ten | Kirishima wants to date Bakugou, but he’s gotta climb the ladder of friendship first!

Get Mad! | Bakugou teaches Eri how to cope, and Eri returns the favor.

bakugatsu | Yeah, I know this is 20 chapters long, but it’s basically 20 drabbles compiled together by the amazing wonhaebunny!

a mix of six | Probably my favorite series of all time, no matter the fandom. What happens when Aizawa and Hizashi adopt Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou and Eri?

KiriBaku Week 2020 | A series by PoorUnfortunateSoul - full of fluff!

Safety In Numbers | A little bit of fluff and a lot of parental Erasermic.

Multi-chapter Stories

How To Get Adopted Without Letting Your Dad Know He's Adopting You, A Guide By Class 1-A | Good old fashioned school fluff. (WIP)

Dandelion | No masterlist is complete without at least one fic from the legendary Broken Realities, right? So here’s @owlf45‘s fic... (there’s a lot more! Check out the Broken Realities Collection on Ao3 for at least some of them... I bet there’s a lot more floating around.) (WIP)

Phosphenes | A Naruto/BNHA crossover, Mina is reborn from Naruto, and learns to navigate life even with such a big burden on her shoulders. (WIP)

Flour Power | Kirishima and Bakugou are supposed to take care of a sack of flour for a school project. What could go wrong?

Not really a villain, but close enough | “Aizawa didn't expect the raid to go so well. he didn't expect the informant to be so useful and well-mannered. who was hi kidding? Aizawa didn't expect the informant to be a kid. but the green-eyed boy cuffed to the interrogation table was wiling to help, and Aizawa wasn't one to look the gift horse in the mouth“ (WIP)

green haze | Vigilante!Midoriya is known as the Green Haze, a vigilante, Eraserhead’s supposed to capture. Shenanigans happen.

2am Knows All Secrets | One of those classic Kiribaku fics that trickle through the ranks. Lots of fluff, with good ol’ tropes like sharing a bed and mutual pining and Good Friends, and-it’s great.

The life of a hero | Such a good series. It’s so amazing. It gives angst and pain but then soothes it over with fluff, but then it tears you apart... and then it gives you life... a great read.

The Last Resort | This is basically pure angst. It’s so painful, but it’s such a good story... Shinsou was sold as a young child to a yakuza. This yakuza would rent out people for their quirks... This is an amazing read, but don’t expect any fluff from this. (Check the tags! WIP)

¥300 Shampoo | When Aizawa’s working on a book at the cafe, he certainly doesn’t expect someone pulling his hair. He definitely doesn’t expect getting a free haircut out of it, either.

quote love unquote | Take the official summary “When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.”

lovin is easy | Blasty doesn’t get “feelings,” so here’s five times Bakugou doesn’t get love and one time he does. (WIP)

The Empath & The Mind Reader | Bakugou is a mind reader, and Kirishima is a empath. If both of them can literally know what the other person’s feeling/thinking, why are they still dancing around each other? (WIP, Contains smut, Anxiety attacks)

and finally I see the world in color (the violet stands out, thanks to you) | This fic deserves a LOT more than just 76 kudos. Sometimes people miss out on amazing fics just because it’s a femslash. Momojirou, where Yaoyaorozu is a businesslady who is bored with her life and everything else, until she happens upon the rambunctious band Dark Shadow. Seriously, please read this! (WIP)

Behind The Scenes | A KiriBaku actor AU. What happens when you start falling for your co-star - and your on-screen love interest? (WIP, It’s rated E for smut, but there isn’t any yet)

We Didn't Start the Fire | What if Touya decided to make something out of himself instead of becoming a villain? This is amazing, by the way. (WIP)

it seems i'm never letting go | Here’s how I summarized it to myself... “Koi no yokan... will Blasty experience it? (His sister left)” By the way, koi no yokan is basically love at first sight, Japanese-style. (WIP)

Lips Like Blood | What happens when Bakugou, a mage, falls in love with the one person who can’t love him back? (WIP)

Charm Me, Loser | A Hogwarts AU that has no right being that ingenius and amazing. My only problem with it is sorta small... There’s already a wizarding school in Japan... Why aren’t they going there? (WIP)

Gotta Get Away | Tsuyu and Bakugou are out getting some new hero merch together because of the new buddy system at UA. What happens when they’re mistaken for a couple? (WIP)

Opposed to the Typical | A fashion AU. This is ridiculously good. It feels like the author was actually in the Japanese fashion industry! (WIP, smut, past child abuse, mental health issues)

One Day at a Time | Pretty genius idea, actually. Bakugou and Uraraka are trapped in what is essentially a time-speeder-upper. What’s going to be a day for their classmates is going to be a year for them. What will they do in that year together? (WIP, it’s rated Mature but it’s pretty innocent so far)

The UA Quarantine Collection | Basically, a bunch of authors got together and made a ton of one-shots of what Class 1A is doing in quarentine. Technically it isn’t a coherent story, but I’m counting it as one. There’s two versions, a clean version and a version with all the smutty bits. The smutty one’s the second story in the series. This one’s linked to the clean one. (WIP)

Midoriya Fuckin' Izuku | This is an amazing fic! It has a ton of TWs, though. Make sure to read the tags before starting it! (WIP)

Seeing Double | A very good, and very long, fantasy AU. (WIP, smut)

Broken, but Still Good | Bakugou was rescued, after four years, from an illegal alpha fighting ring. Can Kirishima, a beta, help him back to society? Pay attention to the tags. (WIP, A/B/O)

Broken Wings | Kirishima’s a dragon who was rescued from the dragon slave trade by the mysterious Bakugou Katsuki, I don’t know what else to say. (WIP)

The Roast of Class 2-A | Have a crackfic. (WIP)

The Space Between | Midoriya’s a photojournalist who is just starting out. One fateful night, he goes to photograph the Antiheros in concert. (WIP, mild smut)

A Fissile Family | Bakugou’s been kidnapped by the League of Villains again. They’re actually sorta a weird family. (WIP)

Mochi Mochi | Just take the official summary. “Ochako never saw a problem with DM-ing an internationally known actor her grocery lists, absolutely certain that he'd never see them. That is—until he replies. And who the hell does he think he is to tell her mochi isn't real food?”

Green as the Leaves, and Red as a Rose | A TodoDeku flower shop AU. (WIP)

remember my name | Post-UA, Bakugou realizes that some things are for forever.

Blinding Shapes | What happens when soulmates, a blind abstract artist and a burnt out barista meet?

a heart swelled to bursting | Mind the tags, here. Training camp part 2 for Class 2A. (WIP)

manly man falls for manliest man | What happens when businessman!Kirishima meets his idol, and maybe biggest celebrity crush ever, actor!Bakugou? (Smut)

Miscellaneous Stuff From Other Fandoms

I have some Harry Potter fics lying around somewhere, so I’m going to add those later.

Stucco Hearts | One of my absolute favorite soulmate fics ever, from Percy Jackson.

Christmas and Chill | A old series I sorta just came across again from PJO.

The Florist and the Punk | Maybe another old series from PJO.

Hearts Need Love | Keep an eye on the tags! This is my favorite PJO fic of all time.

Our Songs | It’s good if I spent half an hour trying to find it again. It’s a Solangelo songfic.

Some random writers I recommend (A lot more coming along-I’m in the middle of a ton of different fics right now)

aloneintherain | @captainkirkk

wonhaebunny | @wonhaebunny

rosedvst

Sif (Rosae) | @intothedarknessigo

kiritime

sinderellaa

aloera | @aloera

Argentina | @junepixel

KuriKuri | @letaizawarest

[voidandradiance]

33 & 23?

33. How do you feel about crack?

im a dsmp viewer how do you think /lh

crackfics can go really well or really poorly but when they go well they go SO well. crack treated seriously tag my beloved

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

oh man uhhhh. tbh it would be heavy is the head, because i still really like the concept of eret's sacrifice of the throne Actually Meaning Something. combined with what cc!eret has said about her character and how they interacted with dream, i would love to do something more solid about them joining new l'manburg

also bc im most dissatisfied with the writing of it out of any of my posted fics lmao