#also the fact that caleb really does not spend much time at all with yeza continues to be hilarious

[revvethasmythh]

I do really enjoy the continuing intimacy between Caleb and Veth at this stage in their lives. Despite how far apart they live (Nicodranas vs Rexxentrum) they appear to see each other decently often, often enough that Veth doesn't think much of it when he shows up outside her house (and that he, uh, knows to look for the scoutmaster scarf out her window). It's unclear if Caleb spends very much time in Nicodranas with her family, though I kind of doubt it considering he doesn't seem to see Yeza much at all, but Veth takes Luc up to Rexxentrum to have Caleb tutor him in magic and (even though it was a throwaway line, I know) maybe spends enough time there herself to keep some spare clothes at his place. For a pair who arguably always had the closest/most intimate relationship in the campaign, it's really enjoyable to see that continue to be a through line.

[out-there-so-it-isnt-just-me]

Hey guys...I have an idea if you aren't sad enough yet. I was struck by a painful comparison sort of crossover idea. It would never be canon, but  I'm mourning the end of Campaign Two, and I want to be sad and over-dramatic. Essek, but as Eliza from Hamilton in “Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story.” But, it’s for the entire Mighty Nien. Some of the lyrics are so on point for a poor Essek who will probably outlive all of his friends (Elves still generally live longer than Firbolgs by a good 200 years). Anyway, enjoy.

MN

Every other founding father's story gets told

It occurs to Essek, during one of the many periods without one of the Mighty Nein (the time that he dwells on them the most), how unfair their whole situation is. They saved all of Exandria, and no one knows. They are amazing, and odd, and frustrating, and no one knows. They will die loved deeply, but not widely. He knows they prefer it that way, all things considered. But, everyone else who saves all of Exandria becomes legends, while the people he loves best will be forgotten, remembered only by him.

And that. That sounds unbearable. 

So, in-between the times he sees the Mighty Nein, he begins to gather accounts. He writes down stories from those they helped, or simply left an impression on.  The people who have met the Mighty Nein have an air about them that he gets good at detecting. They attracted the oddballs and the outcasts. And if they're entirely normal (whatever that means), then they usually get a certain twitch if you ask for stories about interesting strangers. About half the time, a certain blue tiefling pops up in them. He almost has a heart attack when he hears  “go fuck yourself,” in Jester’s cheerful voice, when he knows Jester isn’t anywhere near there. He ends up getting the kenku’s story, and the voices of his friends are weaved into it. Essek thinks the Mighty Nein are the best people in the world, in their own rambunctious way. Part of him wants the world to love them as he does, or at least have the option to. Everyone should have a chance to get to know them, even if it's just through tales. The world would be a better place for it.

...And when you're gone, who remembers your name?

Who keeps your flame? 

Who tells your story?

Who tells your story?

Who tells your story?

Once there is only him and Caduceus left, this becomes a more prominent part of how he spends his time. After...after a long, long period of mourning. He has so much life left to live without most of the people who made it worth living.

I put myself back in the narrative

I stop wasting time on tears

I live another 50(0) years

He stops hiding his past and bears his sins and his story to the world. Essek tells his story so their story can be appreciated to the fullest; his part in their story emphasizes the depth of their compassion and chaos. He tells his story, but not as himself. Essek continues to drift from town to town under a vast number of aliases. Everywhere he goes, he spreads his stories of his friends, some serious, most silly. He disguises himself so he can stay alive to do a little more good, tell a few more stories, to truly live the life his friends wanted for him.

...I try to make sense of your thousands of pages of writings

You really do write like you're running out of time.

Eventually, he gets his hands on some of Beau’s journals, Jester’s diaries, and Caleb’s research. Well, he always had the research, but he gets to the point where he can share it with the world. He slowly begins to share and explain their thoughts and personalities with excerpts from those. Maybe he also has letters that he shares parts of (though most of those, those words specifically for him, he keeps to himself, for himself). He wonders if they'd be angry at him for spilling their private thoughts. But neither Beau nor Jester filtered their thoughts very much in the first place, and he keeps anything truly painful out of the public eye. Caleb, well, Caleb was always about sharing his knowledge and research, provided it wasn't dangerous. And they were all dead anyway.  One of the last things they told him was to be happy. And talking about his friends, learning more about his friends even after they were long dead, that made him the happiest he'd been in a while. So he hoped they wouldn’t begrudge him this small joy he’d managed to grasp and forgive him, should it be necessary.

I rely on Angelica

While she's alive, we tell your story

She is buried in Trinity Church near you

When I needed her most, she was right on time

Caduceus isn’t particularly interested in being well known or famous, but he never shies away from telling a story about any of his friends. Plus, he thinks it’s a good project for Essek. It's a way to continue to show his love for them and keep them alive in the only way they can be now. When Caduceus eventually passes away, he joins the eight other graves (Veth refused to be buried apart from Yeza) that lay in a tucked-away corner of the Blooming Grove. There is one space left, nestled between where Caleb and Jester lay, but it will be empty for a long time yet.

And I'm still not through

I ask myself, what would you do if you had more time...

...You could have done so much more if you only had time

And when my time is up, have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

He keeps adding to his tale; he stretches it longer and longer with every shred he can remember. But, even his memory, as long as it is, runs out eventually. And their story finally ends, but he doesn't. He throws himself into activities that remind him of them. He does a lot of gardening ( mostly tea, poisonous plants, and flowers). He teaches children some rudimentary dunamancy in his spare time, for Caleb. He messes around with alchemy a little. Eventually, he publishes the last of the research that he and Caleb worked on together; ones that took him decades to solve by himself. He even finds himself drawing a surprising amount of dicks on random surfaces near the very end.

Oh, can I show you what I'm proudest of?

...I help to raise hundreds of children

I get to see them growing up

The time that doesn’t go towards his now worrying amount of hobbies, he spends doing what he has done since the beginning: caring for the Mighty Nien’s true legacy. He looks after and visits their children. He takes care of descendants of Luc, of Jester and Fjord, of the random teenager that Beau and Yasha seemed to adopt completely on accident, of TJ, of the Clays, and of a lovechild of Kingsley’s that found out who his father was and then somehow found Essek himself to learn about him. In an embarrassing show of sentimentality, Essek always keeps at least one offspring of Caleb's very first cat. There is a very funny story about Caleb thinking the animal was spayed when it was, in fact, not. He visits the different generations every couple of years or so (he has a schedule). The drow makes sure they know the stories of their ancestors, the adventures of the Mighty Nien; he tells them it's all real. He gives them ways to contact him if they’re in danger, or need any kind of help really ( he has funds to spare at this point). Every once in a while, a few of them will get it in their heads to write him yearly updates. It’s nice.

In their eyes, I see you, Alexander

I see you every time

And when my time is up

Have I done enough?

Will they tell your story?

It is strange and painful to see the attitude and mannerisms of the Nein in the descendants who have never met them. It is wonderful too. His stories of the Mighty Nein have become well-known tales that no one can decide how much is truth and how much is fiction (it’s true, it’s all somehow, hilariously true). He preserved them in his own way, in the right way (time travel is something he thinks of with a growing hunger the more years pass between when he last laid eyes on his friends). But in these men, these women, these children, they are truly alive.

One little half-orc girl has Jester’s mischievous eyes and infectious joy. Another halfling man squints just like Veth when she's trying to figure out if someone is bullshitting her. There’s a boy who charmingly bumbles his way through most social encounters, as Fjord did. A firbolg woman who has Caduceus gentle smile. A tiefling girl with all the audacious bravado of Kingsley. A man with eyes just as piercing as Beau’s, and a tongue just as sharp. Even Yasha’s kind and gentle demeanor somehow shines through in one small boy, despite her having no direct descendants. He gets to see these flashes of his friends in those who survive them, and it thrills him as much as it cuts him. (Sometimes, when the current cat has ruined some item of his, the pleased look it wears resembles the quiet glee Caleb exuded after he pulled a successful prank, but he’s pretty sure that’s just fanciful thinking.)

One of the last things Essek does before he dies is fully publish, in print, the entire tale of the Mighty Nein. How they came together, every person they helped along the way. The love, the loss, the kindness, the chaos, every moment he could recall or record was put into this one account (necessarily stretched out into several separate books). There is only one set, and he hands it over to the Library of the Cobalt Soul in Rexxentrum. Then he goes on his lonely way.

Oh, I can't wait to see you again

It's only a matter of time

There are now ten graves, each one as unique as its owner, nestled in a small corner of the Blooming Grove. One grave has the dirt still fresh around it. And somewhere, beyond the Divine Gate, there are cheers and laughs and cries of joy as the Mighty Nien become the Mighty Nine once more.

fin.

MN

It’s my head-canon that by the time Essek dies he’s practically a mythical figure among the select families he looks after. It's  to the point that in certain locations ( that have a lot of Nein remnants) he becomes a local legend, the guardian angel of nien (no spelling specified and with no real distinction of what that means), with skin like the night sky who drifts (literally) through towns and helps those who meet a certain requirement, unknown to the general populus. There are rumors that certain people have bestowed upon them a token they could use to call upon the angel’s aid. Of course, the people who have the tokens (sending stones or something similar. IDK how he would get that many wondrous items, but I focus on satisfying narrative not, like, plausibility) know Essek and know that he has died and that the tokens no longer work, but for a while they keep them as heirlooms, to show the love of one drow wizard for the friends he had long, long ago. Eventually, one of Veth’s descendants sells off their set because sending stones are worth A LOT, and the money seemed more practical. They have their stories; those are enough. 

And before anyone complains about the Kingsley bit, I felt compelled to add a smidgen of Kingsley content because Essek loves Jester and Jester’s with Fjord and Kingsley is with both of them for years. I’m sure they get to know each other well enough that seeing traits of Kingsley is vaguely nostalgic and warming, even if it lacks the depth and love he feels for everyone else. Also, there’s no convincing me that Molly/Kingsley doesn’t have at least one illegitimate child running around from various trysts, he was basically the Scanlan of this campaign. It goes with the hedonistic vibe he gives off.

Also, is it normal that I completely designed the Nein’s burial site in my head because I did? Like I imagine they’re all spaced out in a circle. It’s almost like a stone gazebo but there’s not really a roof; it’s just a group of nine pillars that support a stone circle. The entrance is the Traveler’s door with dicks around the edge, and each of the nine pillars/supports is designed to look the knowing mistresses staff. The stone circle is covered in carvings of storm clouds and lightning. Wires are strung across the center of the stone circle to form the symbol of the Cobalt Soul. Not that you can see the wires, because vines have been grown all around them. Once you step through the Traveler’s gate, you’ll find yourself on some kind of rough mosaic floor, with depictions of a peacock, a pyramid, a snake, a sun, a moon, and (oddly) a pirate ship. The mosaic is made up of buttons of various materials and shapes. In the center is a saltwater pool/spring (depending on how magical we can get idk) and floating above it is an eternal flame encased in some sort of dunamancy magic that doesn’t  actually exist that keeps it floating and eternal. Look I'm running out of ideas.

I can’t imagine what everyone’s grave marker would be, but I’m pretty sure Yasha’s is a simple stone that says "YASHA NYDOORIN: wife of Zuella and Beauregard Lionette," and the place where’s she’s buried is just covered in wildflowers that spread outside of the gazebo to encircle the structure entirely up to the gate. Also, everyone has a stone tarot card by their grave with the picture and designation that Molly gave them. Beyond that grows a weirdly dense thicket of trees and bushes that make finding the Nein's resting place rather hard. It’s said only the descendants of the Nein’s family or those favored by the Wildmother (or Traveler, Or Ioun, or Storm Lord) can find their way to them. And one tree, directly behind Yasha, is dead, struck by lightning who knows how long ago. 

And they’re buried in this order: Yeza/Veth, Caleb, Essek, Jester, Ford, Kingsley, Yasha, Beau, Cad. I know there’s a good chance that a) Kingsley would just eff off and die somewhere unknown and b) Cad would probably want to be buried with the rest of his family, but shhh let me dream.

[angelsndragons]

Part 2: Apathy is Death

Blanket trigger warning once again: discussions of Caduceus’ past, including depression, self-harm, self-neglect, potential suicide, and drug use.

To start this off, for a long time one particular quote from an old video game has stuck with me regarding Caduceus: 

So you will do nothing? Apathy is death, no, worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse can feed the beasts and insects. -Star Wars, KOTOR: TSL

This statement, I feel, really sums up everything that has gone into Caduceus’ arc and growth thus far. We start with a young man who doesn’t speak up, who is content to just let things happen to him, who neglects his duty, who chooses to not make a decision and doesn’t seem to realize he has made a choice. And that it has consequences. Caduceus is left alone. His siblings leave one by one, his parents and aunt too. And he wilts. Time passes, he does his work at the shrine, and all the while he curls further into himself, sustained only by the notion that someone else, in this case the Wildmother, will a) tell him when to go, and b) tell him if there is something he needs to know regarding his family. Never mind that Caduceus could easily step out of the Grove whenever he wants, never mind that he (at least towards the end of that ten years) has the power and means to contact his family himself. The Wildmother has given him all the tools he needs; he just can’t bring himself to do anything with them. As ever with Caduceus’ arc, he must learn to take ownership and agency regarding his life. And he spends ten stubborn years, after losing what really mattered to him, not doing so. Until the Wildmother stops speaking to him. Losing this last fragile tether finally, finally moves him to action. 

This is really the part I want to emphasize about what he revealed with the lilies: Caduceus was reaching out for the first time in years and looking for help the only way he could. On some level, buried deep under several layers of neglect, apathy, and depression, he realized that he needed to do something or everything would get worse. I know that a lot of people think he was poisoning himself intentionally but I disagree hard on that interpretation. First of all, that requires a level of effort that I don’t think he was capable of at that time. There is a reason that the first several weeks on an anti-depressant are the most dangerous; you finally have energy again but haven’t yet begun to feel better. If you were suicidal before the meds, going on them initially increases your risk of doing it. Secondly, while it seems crass to the audience, Constance’s comment about Caduceus micro-dosing indicates that he was well-known to have done drugs before everyone left and that they were okay with it. Caduceus knows what he is doing with them. We see him in 130 place a petal in his mouth, not actively eat a bunch of flowers. He’s stronger now than he was then, his ties to the Wildmother are nearly unbreakable at this point. But back then? If she had stopped speaking, if he had lost his connection to her like that, nine levels weaker than he is now, yeah, I can see him going overboard trying to reestablish that connection.  

Now, at some point, the line between intentional self-harm and reckless self-neglect blurs quite a bit so if people read Caduceus as intentionally harming himself with the lilies, power to y’all. Personally, his lines about patience curdling to apathy and time stopped meaning anything read as neglect, not harm. Caduceus does not actively harm himself that we can see in the show; for example, in battle, he takes care to stay out of the line of fire and protect himself. However, he does actively neglect himself; again, often in battle when he is wounded, he will focus on a more injured teammate, say he is okay, and move on without healing himself.

That aside, as painful as the lily reveal is, that is the moment that Caduceus first makes an active choice. And Wildmom rewards him for it (I know there is debate whether he was tapping into the Somnovem in that vision but the timing combined with Wildmom personally vouching for the Nein with that breeze, I tend to lean towards her giving him that vision). He feels her presence once more, she readies him to leave, and sends him people with which to travel. He’s half out of it, has no idea what he doing, but now, at last, he is moving forward. It takes a lot of time to shake off that much neglect but we see him slowly wake up until the alarm blares in his ears with that panic attack. Caring for the Nein becomes his way of learning to care for himself again. Making group meals, for example, means he is much more likely to be eating regularly, even if it probably isn’t as much as people would like him to. Listening to their problems gives him focus while he isn’t ready to look at his own, and learning to unconditionally accept this group of fuckups with all their baggage gives him the space to accept his own. Allowing them to care for him in their own imperfect ways allows him to learn to extend that care to himself and the world around him. 

That doesn’t mean he didn’t have his struggles. Right up until about episode 49, we see Caduceus deflect making choices. He is ‘learning to embrace the chaos’. He asks if any of the Nein have a plan and is content to just follow along with Fjord’s visions. He has Opinions on quite a lot of their encounters but keeps quiet and keeps his head down most of the time. While the others make plans, he sits by and watches. He has small successes, too. He buys a broken sword to fix and declares it a gift to Fjord. He seeks out information on Vandran for Fjord completely on his own. He gets to know the crew. He decides to get everything he can out of their little pirate venture, from sampling new food to learning to be okay with being uncomfortable and learning to swim. I would say his biggest early game step forward comes when Nott’s situation (and Caleb by extensions) crops up, a clear cut ‘we can help make this better, we are meant to make it better’ moment if ever there was one. Also, let’s not talk about Caduceus and his sad, almost understanding ‘I am so sorry’ to Nott when he detoxes her in light of 130 right now, okay. I don’t have the space here. This episode, we see Caduceus step up in a big way- keeping Caleb grounded in the basement, taking charge of driving the cart around, planning for Luc, figuring out what to do for Nott and Yeza, communing with the Wildmother for help, etc. 

I want to go back to the title: Apathy is death. One cannot make changes in their life if they don’t care enough on some level to do so. Apathy is self-perpetuating because it requires no effort, it is so easy to slip into, and can feel like it will never end, regardless of actual mental health. Caduceus’ arc has been about breaking out of that mentality, recovering from it, and moving forward. And he is doing so well. This is why I refuse to treat that reveal with only angst and pity. The fact that he has broken through and come so far in less than a year is awe-inspiring. 

Next up, we answer the question: what does manure do for a garden? 

[songofwizardry]

critical role thoughts time again! damn this arc just keeps on giving us episodes like this huh. spoilers for c2e129 under the cut.

first off AAAAAAAAAHHHHH

shout out to liam for accurately summarising how I felt at the end of the episode: I went in thinking "thank fuck, they got away, they just gotta lie low and get some sleep it'll all be FINE" oops nope never mind

before I get into the actual story and my overload of screaming and emotions about it, more to remind myself than anything else: this stuff is all what *makes* good stories. not-the-most-clever character decisions. fraught moments. having to choose between two really shitty options. tension in extremely unsafe places (and lbr, both the happy fun ball and the fucking plane of fire are objectively v unsafe places! the tension and the fact that neither of those places were safe makes sense!). conflict and guilt and character death. all good story material. soooo yeah these have been very intense episodes, but fuck, these make for some good stories!

first off: the happy fun ball! I always forget how much I loved the episodes we spent in there, it's such an interesting (& terrifying & promising) place

I absolutely LOVED the fact that Yasha could break the door down but it resulted in untethering the rooms from each other. what a brilliant way to keep them moving but also having there be consequences.

the entire imagery of the void and the hallway falling away was so good

... the mighty nein's motto really could be "curiosity before caution", couldn't it. these fuckers, I love them for it

can't believe I was so stressed about the golem I was not prepared for what came next!

team fireplane time!

I was paying lots of attention to Liam's descriptions of Caleb and how he's behaving this episode and look ok he's very good at playing the aftermath of all that traumatic shit with Trent and Vergesson &... my heart ok.

side note: this is more re last episode, but it means a lot to me that Caleb was able to... like, stand his ground and tell Trent to fuck off repeatedly when Trent kept insisting he "just wants to talk", and that the M9 refused to let him go back to Trent, like, that is one abusive and manipulative and extremely honey-tongued man and I did see stuff in twitch chat being like "oh if Caleb had just spoken to Trent this wouldn't have happened" which... nope, it means so much to me that they have settled on "nope fuck this asshole"

Veth's high rolls are so wild I love them, rogues y'all

Matt honestly fucking KILLED it this episode, this really felt like the episode for the families to shine, and Marion, Yeza and Luc all have such strong characters and Matt plays them SO well! I loved every second of it. also I will never not be impressed at Matt managing social situations with multiple npcs.

Luc and Caduceus talking about farts is the adorablest thing, new favourite dynamic

oh boy that combat huh. wow. wtf.

love that Luc tried to shoot the elemental this kid

we're just not gonna talk about everyone's faces when Matt rolled damage for the explosion thing that hit the families, bc I cannot Handle that. it's fine it's all fine

okay but fate just DOES NOT work normally around this game, how tf do you explain those two successive nat 20s from Veth, that was incredible and just. narratively perfect. I loved it I was full on crying at this point.

Cad's hdywtdt was very good

speaking of Cad! this is the first time in a while we've had a revivify! Cad's whole prayer was lovely, and I do like the detail of bugs and moss covering Luc. but mostly I loved the detail of Yeza going up to him and thanking him

the quiet, calm, determination of Yeza Brenatto saying make them pay will stick in my head for a long long time

the sigh of relief I let out when the dome finally went up. my god.

hey hey caleb asked Jester to help him with the collar and it fucking worked, finally, after all these attempts on like the longest of long days when they're all fucking tapped. I was not expecting that! a win!! and he explicitly told her it was for Trent!

look it just. watching Caleb's reaction to Trent coming close to his new family makes me feel things, okay, and the poetic justice of Trent whose manipulative words are as much of a weapon as his magic getting a silencing collar is. pretty fucking delicious.

a lot of the fanfic on the last week has had bits of interaction between Marion and Caleb and I am delighted to see that in canon too!!!

Marion: "if there's one thing I've come to know, it's that the good people are easy to be mislead to think they're at fault for the things the bad people use to victimise them... if they convince us that they're responsible for everything that comes upon us, then they're absolved." man, matt is NOT fucking around

I think these conversations (both Yeza and Marion's) are so important bc after an encounter that harrowing the like... reminder of what you're doing it for, both for the characters AND for the players as like an "it's ok" from the DM is reassuring and needed yknow?

anyway I love Marion so much, her character is just. so excellent, and I love how both her sex work and her agoraphobia are respectfully handled and it's never implied that she's less of a mother for them; and getting a reminder of hey this is a wise and caring and insightful woman who's seen a lot of stuff and hearing her words was just really nice! would like a calm episode where we just get to spend time with her soon pls

loved Liam explicitly saying that Caleb bites his tongue and tries to listen, look how far my boy has come

and Yeza!!! Yeza!!! I cannot have many coherent thoughts about that conversation but I loved how he went full on, this is the firmest I remember him being, saying, "you cannot shoulder the blame for this on your own"

ugh look I love Veth and Yeza's relationship, I love that there is this conflict in their story that doesn't have anything to do with how much or whether they love each other, and I absolutely loved the reminder that Yeza – for all that he is a gentle stay-at-home dad – did get himself mixed up in the assembly business and that Veth dove into the Dynasty to come looking for him. and yeah the image of them cuddling in the dome and talking about the uncertainty of the future and about guilt and blame and the potential end of the world, and still ending with "I love you" is gonna stick in my heart for a while

to zadash!!!

hey at least Jester remembered to send a message. it is entirely ridiculous and kinda adorable that the Gentleman is cleaning up the place for Marion.

okay I think that's all I got, I feel like this is even more rambly than usual. looking forward to some calm?? quiet?? no using up all our spell slots? next episode! also the parent trap

I'm going to sleep now. man this show.

[sockablock]

When in sudden need of a place to stay, Caleb Widogast finds a room for rent at a price so low he can’t believe his luck. Ignoring the concerns of his friends, he moves in and quickly finds himself tangled up in the life of one Essek Thelyss, a reclusive scholar who may be even stranger than Caleb himself...

(start) - (previous) - (next)

Chapter 2: A Name to the Face

The sun lanced arcs across Caleb’s face as he set his phone down on the nightstand, and yawned.

He’d gotten used to sleeping in strange places during the last few years of his life, and there was a part of him that missed the coziness of his room back in his and Nott’s apartment. But the other part of him, namely the part comprised of bruises from too-narrow walls—relished in this chance to stretch out a little.

Eventually, he managed to sit up. The mattress did not dip sullenly with his weight, indicative of its newness and quality.

He glanced around. The door was closed, though Frumpkin was nowhere to be seen. Then again, mundane cats were already hard enough to confine; as a feline of the fey persuasion, Frumpkin went where Frumpkin pleased.

Caleb took his sweet time making the bed, adjusting the blinds, peering out the window over quiet streets, before eventually rifling through his cardboard boxes for something proper to wear. He also made a mental note to, at some point, ask Mr. Thelyss how the laundry worked.

Then he straightened his collar, took a deep breath, and wandered out into the kitchen.

—

Jester was nose-deep in a box of cinnamon rolls when Beauregard emerged from the shower. Peals of steam curled past the doorframe and dissipated out into the hallway.

“I thought those were supposed to last us the week,” Beau said when she noticed her roommate. “Didn’t we decide we wouldn’t go back to the bakery until Thursday?”

“Oh, but Beau,” icing shimmered in the corner of Jester’s mouth. “Beau, they’re just so tasty. I can’t resist.”

Beauregard pulled the towel off her head and gave her hair one last muss-up. Then she slung herself backwards into a chair and stole some frosting.

“Fair enough,” she licked a finger. “Just be sure to save something for Yasha when she gets back.”

“Back?” Jester’s cheerful demeanor vanished. “Oh, no, did she leave again? I thought she was done doing that!”

“Oh, no she didn’t run off, I think she just went to some errands, or something?” Beau scratched the side of her head. “She mentioned something about seeing a butcher.”

“Oh.” Jester relaxed. “Well that’s alright, then. Though we don’t really cook much.”

“Maybe she’s trying something new. It’s better than eating rats all the time, right?”

Jester gave this due consideration. “I think she only did that once. And then Fjord threw up, so she decided to stop.”

“Hm,” Beau shrugged. “I guess that’s nice of her. Oh, hey, speaking of stopping, what the hell is up with Caleb? Has he responded? With pictures and actual information?”

Jester groaned. “He’s being a real butt about it. He’s obviously there, but he isn’t sending us anything good.”

Beau raised a cinnamon roll. “The bastard.”  

— 

In the light of day, Mr. Thelyss’s kitchen gleamed with tidiness and disuse. In fact, it seemed like only the coffeemaker and microwave ever got any attention from their owner.

Caleb added another step to his mental moving day to-do-list: find the nearest grocery store and get some cereal. And coffee. And maybe a loaf of bread, if he was feeling extravagant.

He settled instead for pouring himself a glass of water and vowing that he would at least pick up lunch once he actually ventured outside. He slid into the kitchen, found a neutral-looking glass cup, and filled it up in the sink.

When he turned, he realized that something was different about the counter.

The little box of cheesecake was gone.

There was a note left, however. It read: Thank you very much, Mr. Widogast.

So, Caleb thought to himself. This meant that his mystery landlord had come home at some point in the night. And…as his gaze drifted past the kitchen and over to the front door of the apartment…yes, there in the foyer was a pair of shoes and a fine, but thin, black cloak.

Caleb had never seen anything like it before. It seemed as if the pattern had been designed to almost be worn like some kind of long poncho. Its hem brushed just over the floor.

What kind of person would wear something like this? The amused thought of vampire briefly flickered through his mind, but he shook it off and chalked it up to spending too much time with Jester.

He glanced back at the note. Something in him also registered: charmingly polite.

He shook his head. Speaking of Jester, he still had a promise to fulfill…

— 

“Fjord, those are ugly.”

“What? I think they look nice—”

“Nice won’t cut it! I need something amazing! It’s been months since I’ve last seen Yeza. I have to really blow him away.”

“Look, what you see is what we’ve got. And anyway, what’s wrong with Delphiniums—”

Nott was standing on a small turquoise stool that some of the more vertically-challenged customers of the Blooming Grove required to reach the counter. Her finger was swaying dangerously underneath the nose of a long-time friend and even longer-time frenemy, Fjord, currently on register duty.

All around them, the sweet and mellow scent of dozens upon dozens of coastal flowers twirled and trilled and danced through the air. Large windows set into the pale green walls let in sunlight and a view of the gardens out back.

“They’re blue!” Nott screeched. “I don’t want blue, Yeza’s going to think I’m not happy to see him!”

“Everyone likes blue,” Fjord said defensively. “Just look at Jester. She’s practically got a fan club. Fine, fine,” he added, when her expression didn’t change, “I can do you some roses—”

“Roses are cliché.”

“They’re a goddamn symbol of love, Nott.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but I don’t just want a symbol of love, I want a symbol of…of passion. Of devotion. Of l—”

“Look, just wait a bit, and Caduceus will be back. He’s the one who actually knows the names of all these things,” Fjord sighed. “He’ll be able to tell you if those even are Delphiniums.”

There was a moment’s pause.

“How have you managed to keep this job, Fjord?”

“I don’t have to help you, you know.”

“Technically, I think you d—"

And then, their phones buzzed.

—

— 

Nott glanced back at Fjord.

“Do you think he doesn’t know?”

Fjord shrugged. “Let’s just see what he says.”

Nott groaned. “It’ll probably be hours until we find out.”

—

—

“He’s going to die tonight, then,” said Beau, kicking off her sneakers. The front door shut behind her with a click. “That’s, like, the first rule to committing a crime. Don’t let them see your face.”

“I think it’s kind of romantic,” Jester said. Now she was in the living room, sprawled across the couch. “It’s like…a forbidden meeting. Maybe he’ll never find out what Essie looks like. Isn’t that sad?”

“Essek,” Beau corrected, and set her keys aside. “And I don’t see what’s so sad about that.”

“Oh, but it is,” Jester lavished in her sigh. “The saddest and loneliest kind of thing. To never see who you’re living with? If you can’t even put a face to the name, you might as well be sharing your house with a ghost.”

Beau raised an eyebrow. “That’s…a little dramatic, but I see what you mean. Anyway, this is a point against the guy. In my books, that is. And I’m keeping track.”

“Oh? How many points does he have?”

Beau joined her on the couch and crossed her arms. “Not many. He’s mysterious, and weird. Those are negatives. Standoffish, if he didn’t even greet Caleb on the first day. And if he isn’t a criminal, and is actually renting out a place that cheap, he must be a total idiot. Or desperate.”

“For what?” Jester asked.

She shrugged. “Who knows? The company?”

— 

Essek was, as a matter of fact, quite desperate. Desperate for another five minutes of sleep.

It was now long after the Mighty Nein had given up on their interrogation, though he was not aware of this. Instead, what was most on his mind was the strange…the odd vibrating right next to his head.

Blindly, he reached out to slap his alarm. His hand connected, but the noise did not stop.

Then he realized that it was coming from the other side of the bed.

He shuffled around to take a peek.

An eye was staring back at him. Large and blue.

“What in the name of the L—”

The cat yawned, and its mouth stretched open to reveal rows of teeth.

Essek hesitated. He rubbed his face.

“How did…what is…”

And then the puzzle pieces slid into place.  

He racked his brain for the name.

“F…Fr…Frumpkin?” he guessed.

The cat yawned again. This time, it followed the gesture up with a mrpf, and unfurled its body. And stretched.

“Hm,” said Essek. “He did…warn me, but…I am not sure if I approve of you coming in here like this. Without announcement, especially.”

Frumpkin stared back up at him. He tilted his head and put on his most endearing expression.

“Well,” Essek relented in the onslaught of this, “at least you don’t seem to be the kind that sheds. Actually…”

He leaned in as close as he dared, a pair of icy eyes tracking his every movement.

“…actually, I’m not at all sure what kind of kitty you are. Your ears are…very long. And your markings are…”

And then Essek realized.

“A familiar?”

Frumpkin blinked at him.

— 

Caleb had found the grocery store on his second try, and had also made note of a bookstore and bus stop on the way there. Now, after a long day of scouting out the neighborhood, he was back in his bedroom again, sorting clothes. No use in holding off, after all, not even if it made him feel slightly strange to be putting all his things away in someone else’s bedroom.

He picked up a t-shirt and examined the back. STAFF, it read. He had no idea for what. The Broad Barn’s secondhand clothing pile was vague at best and hazardous at worst.

Another part of Caleb, the part not fully consumed by the current task at hand, registered the faintest sound outside. It was ruled out as being not important.

Caleb produced another shirt. This one had a picture of a cat on it, red beams of light shooting out from its eyes. This had been a New Dawn present from—surprising to everyone—Yasha.

It had thus far found a long and happy life as the top half of Caleb’s pajamas. He’d tried to wear it in public once, and been bullied mercilessly by Beauregard.

On the other side of the room, past the drawers and the bed, was a small folding table that had been set up by Essek, likely as a desk. It was the sort of low contraption that eliminated any possibility of chairs, but it made a lot of sense for apartment living and was sized well enough for sitting on the floor. It was miles above Caleb’s old arrangement, a piece of plywood on a milk crate.

Right now, this new desk was covered in reams upon reams of notebook paper. Contrary to expectation, however, this paper was not lined with the standard narrow rule of most academic stationary. Instead, a pattern of lines and circles extended out from the center of the page, covering every inch in an odd spiral. Dozens upon dozens of these sheets were strewn about now, with hasty pencil-markings splattered across the page.

A particularly keen-eyed individual might have noticed that some of the markings were crossed-out. Redoubled, re-arranged, re-placed, or removed.

A particularly keen-eyed individual with the right kind of background would have noticed immediately that many of these runes were transmutative.

Back on his side of the bed, Caleb was humming.

— 

When the cat—the familiar, likely a fey one, at that—did not decide to claw Essek’s eyes out, he gingerly picked it up under its forearms and carried it out of his bedroom.

He entered the living room, and saw that it was empty. The curtains were drawn open, however, and at this point the late-summer sun was just beginning to crest low over the horizon.

Essek raised an eyebrow at Frumpkin. “So. Where is your master, hm?”

Frumpkin meowed. It meant absolutely nothing to Essek, but he nodded anyway on principle.

“I understand that you are…well, from what I think I know about ordinary cats, you might like to wander around. But the same rules that apply to your wizard apply to you as well, okay?”

He walked Frumpkin into the living room and put him down on the couch.

“I would appreciate it if you did not enter my bedroom without invitation. The study as well, yes? Meow if you understand.”

Frumpkin stared at him. Frumpkin opened his mouth. Frumpkin closed it again.

It was a vague enough gesture that Essek could not tell if this was a response. He sighed.

“This is why I never bothered with getting one of you, you know. And I’m not even talking about the food bills. Er…do you eat?”

Frumpkin repeated the gesture. Essek repeated it back at the cat in a burst of childish impulse, then caught himself.

Gods, talking to Verin yesterday must have put him in an odd mood. And his brother had kept going on and on about life back in Rosohna, about how wonderful it is, Essek, how much Mother misses you, Essek, how I wish you’d visit, Essek—all that nostalgia couldn’t be good for the mind. Especially when unsolicited.

Still, this did not stop him from checking his messages in the kitchen while he waited for his morning—afternoon—evening—coffee to brew. In the background, Frumpkin rolled over on the sofa. Verin had mentioned something that he’d wanted to talk about, that he’d send over later…

Essek opened up their conversation. Then he scowled.

— 

A solitary figure stalked through the dimming streets of Nicodranas. She stretched, working out the knots in her back, upper arms, feeling the scabs on her knuckles and their sting.

She grinned, wide and toothy, in the sunset.

Unconventional, but it worked.

— 

Caleb had a perfect memory, and never forget anything. As such, the three core tenets of his tenancy in this apartment were virtually scored into his mind.

Be quiet. Be organized. And do the recycling.

Now he stood outside the apartment complex. The winding streets formed a gentle little plaza where the neighboring buildings all shared an open space, which included the public recycling cans.

There hadn’t actually been that much to take out, aside from an empty carton of ramen, a few cat food tins, and some assorted items that Mr. Thelyss must have left behind last night. Still, Caleb had wanted to prove how serious he was about following the Code of Conduct, and so had made the journey downstairs to be a responsible citizen.

The breeze wound around his ankles. Nearby, a few kids were running around with their mother, and a jogger moseyed past their street. It was a peaceful sight, underscored by the distant call of gulls and a setting sun.

Caleb had just nudged open the lid of the recycling bin when the shouting began.

Actually, it was less of a shouting and more of a heated argument, augmented by the harsh syllables of a language that Caleb did not recognize.

If he had, it would have sounded something like this:

“—impossible! I refuse. I did not give my permission—”

“Permission? Why would she need your permission—”

“Because it is my house! And this is my city—”

“Your city? Brother, you’ve only been there a few months—”

“It’s been a year and a half, Verin. A peaceful year and a half, mind.”

“Really? Well, I am certain it will remain that. And anyway, she’s not even going there for you.”

“Hah! I have a feeling that she is visiting Nicodranas expressly to do so. The gala is just an excuse for her to come here and poke into everything I’m doing—”

“Look, look, don’t shout at me. I am just the messenger. If you’re so upset, go and call Mother—”

Caleb swung the bag into the can. As he closed the lid, his curiosity got the better of him and he found himself surreptitiously scanning the perimeter with the universal creep of eavesdroppers everywhere.

Quickly, he found the source of the sound. There was a figure standing in front of his building, pacing back and forth underneath the awning, waving one hand around in frustration. The shadows prevented him from getting a better look, but the figure seemed lithe, and very annoyed.

Caleb would have to slip past him to get back inside.

Tactically, he pulled out his phone and pretended to be incredibly engrossed with its contents. Luckily, it seemed to work—and out of the corner of his eye he even noticed the figure hastily stepping aside.

Then, unluckily, the figure followed him.

Caleb didn’t dare look up. But he could feel the stranger’s presence trail him all the way into the elevator, then settle down next to him as the doors slid shut.

Caleb went to hit the number four. So did the stranger. Their fingers collided.

“Ah—"

“Scheisse, I am sor—”

And then he stopped.

Caleb Widogast was decidedly not a man of the world. He’d never left the continent of Wildemount, for instance, nor could he claim to have seen everything it had to offer. But he had fancied himself rather well-read, and believed that he perhaps had experienced more than the average person.

This was the first time in his life that he’d seen a dark elf.

He knew that they existed, of course, but in the way that he knew the names of far-off places, as distant trivia irrelevant to his life. He knew, for example, that they were native to Xhorhas, and that many of their societies lived underground. He knew that their closest civilization was ruled by a powerful queen. He also knew that in less-polite circles, some Empire elites still believed them to be backwater savages and monsters.

This one was wearing a green t-shirt. His hair was a messy sweep to one side.

“—ry.” He finished, as quickly as he could.

The dark elf shrugged. His eyes—a pale slate gray—took in Caleb’s appearance, then the number they’d both pressed.

“I do not recall ever seeing you,” the elf said. His voice was still a little strained, as if something from before—that argument, perhaps—was bothering him immensely.

“I, ah, I’m new,” Caleb said.

The elf raised an eyebrow. “I see.”

Then he turned back around to stare at the door. Caleb was more than happy not to engage. He just hoped he hadn’t stared long enough to offend a potential neighbor.

The elevator rose three floors. On the fourth one, it stopped.

He quickly ducked out, sandals pattering on the ground, and it was only once he’d gotten to the door of his apartment and started to punch in the code that he realized the elf was still behind him, still standing there, still annoyed, and so he turned—

— 

“Excuse me,” said Essek tetchily. “Why are you entering my home?”

The human blinked.

“Er…this is…where I live.”

“What? But—”

For the second time that day, Essek realized.

“Um,” said Caleb Widogast. “Would your last name...happen to be ‘Thelyss’?”

— — —

✨ Ko-Fi Link in Bio! ✨ | Requests are OPEN

[all-pacas]

sorry to keep throwing this kind of thing in your inbox, im still stuck on brenxattos-- if they were all together, what do you think would be caleb's Realization moment that he like-liked yeza, too? the catalyst for the good old-fashioned italicized "oh" in his ceaseless internal monologue. (if he'd have one at all before nott put her hands on his face like 'caleb shut up, you're my partner and i love you, do you want to be me and my husband's boyfriend or not')

first of all: brenxattos? you solved it anon, you fixed the weird hyphen question, you did it

look. he likes nott. he likes her so much. and he likes yeza too, just generally — there’s an awkward early period when caleb realizes he likes nott and feels weird and jealous because obviously he’s not taking her from her husband (her devotion to her family is part of the attraction, let’s be real. that she has one she loves and protects.) so he likes yeza but he’s weird and a little jealous. because yeza gets nott.

but yeza is just such a nice person. he’s thoughtful and good natured and kind. caleb likes the way nott and yeza spend their days just gently bickering — never with heat or force, but always going back to one another. and so they get to be friends, caleb and yeza. it’s not hard. talking about nott takes them pretty far. yeza likes experimenting with alchemy the way caleb does with magic. he’s fascinated to learn more about it. he likes helping yeza out in the little garden beside the house, the one nott never remembers to tend. yeza is a good father and a bad cook and easy to get along with.

they never really have a conversation about nott? there are times when caleb feels like the strangest of third wheels. he tells himself he’s happy just being part of this family, which is true, but the longer he’s with them the more he wants. from dinners with the family to this sort of ache, this generalized jealousy. the way they’re always touching one another — reaching out, reaching for, nott rapping yeza on the head gently to draw his attention from his work. leaning towards one another when they laugh. caleb sees nott do something — it doesn’t matter what — that would once do to him. get yeza’s attention in a certain way. some of her gestures of affection are just habits.

and he learns yeza’s too. the way he will put a hand on nott’s wrist. or touch her cheek to get her attention, to draw her out of her anxiety. how yeza rubs his neck when worried. tugs at the ring of his ear. (the way nott tugs his ear too, to tease.) the way he’ll pause in talking sometimes to wait for nott to make eye contact again. the fact that he rolls his eyes at her, but never when her back is turned.

caleb thought it would be enough to be part of this family. enough of what, he’s not sure. enough, since he cannot have his own? he and nott had a rare argument, that was less an argument and more the two of them skirting the edges and letting the other assume. that there is no “his own” or “her own,” when family is concerned. that there is no application or declaration, but that he already is. but the longer he is, the more he wants. he wants it all. every facet. nott to prod at him for attention. yeza to reach out with careful fingers.

nott gets huffy and impatient out of nowhere, one day. caleb notices and fears it’s that he’s been too obvious. that she’s grown tired of their arrangement. he avoids the house and she stomps around it. he hides in the kitchen garden.

yeza comes to find him.

there’s no metaphor about green beans. yeza blushes and stutters his way through an explanation of a conversation he and veth had had some time ago. how she’d felt guilty and strange and he too had hesitated, unsure — big steps and all that. big and also small. it’s up to caleb, of course. just come inside when he’s made up his mind, either way.

it doesn’t take caleb longer than five minutes.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e84

Wow, that was a surpassingly normal ad!

Oh boy here we go lore drop!

Therizdune the chained oblivion who is chained at the bottom of the abyss

"He’s basically the boogeyman" if the boogeyman was a HORRIBLE ELDRITCH MONSTER

...IS the boogeyman a horrible eldritch monster?! Oh god.

[[MORE]]

This is great and awful like terrible abyssal eldritch things that can creep into the world through gaps and rifts encourages people to be violent and awful

Also I’m so satisfied that the chains actually ended up being significant

Okay so Yussah knows a guy who we know knows Trent, so... that’s not cool. I mean o totally trust Yussah now it’s not that, it’s just can we trust Ormid?

So not all the Cerberus assembly is bad re: Yussah. But like he’s basically a hermit living in his tower, yeah? Who doesn’t go into the Empire? So like how out of touch is he?

"Trent seems just creepy" that’s putting it mildly

Money? Ball bearings? xD

Oh nice some of the Halas money

Oh Nott honey

Fjord being like "Nott? Caleb please talk to your goblin."

And they’re just all discussing it in the background

NOTT DO NOT

oh boy don’t like that

Oh dear...

"Your FACE is stupid" oh Nott

Lock the gem away somewhere

"You’ll still work at it and try?" Oh honey of course he will

I like how they handled that. They didn’t put Nott down, they gently reminded her that Halas can’t be trusted.

Oh I hope that doesn’t trigger Caleb

And I hope that didn’t just fuck them over with Halas maybe

Cad’s like "can we not?" and then just silencing everyone who keeps trying to talk to him

Y’all need to call your OTHER wizard friend (aka HOTT BOI) to let him know you’re fine and not dead or anything cause this is probably the longest he’s gone without hearing from you

"Everything’s been smoothed over" I wonder if Dairon had anything to do with that

I wonder where she is...

Also this is late cause he said it like ages ago but I love Cad’s little bits of homely wisdom, like the whole holes in a bucket metaphor.

PLATINUMMMMMMM

A WHOLE SATCHEL

TIME TO BUY A KEEP Y’ALL

Kidding I like the xhorhaus

Holy SHIT

21,000 gold??

That puts them at 350 platinum which is like 3,500 apiece NICE

Please def check in with Orli I miss him

I’m gonna insist they all get either matching M9 tattoos or Captain tusktooth tattooes

ORLIIIII

Oh my

Yeah a charisma bump is a good choice Nott xD

YOU ALL BETTER GET MATCHING TATTOOS

"chaos crew" lol

Imagine the stories those "new faces" have heard of the M9 from the older crew

1312 gold not bad!

Fuck y’all I love Orli! I missed him. I hope Fjord retires and goes back to sailing with Orli and the crew someday.

F: "Can I ask, how painful is this... procedure?"

O: "oh-ho-ho! Quite."

Oh lord

B: "Is that infected? Is that infected?!"

O: "No, he’s just a.....................Pansy."

Girls day!

Ohhh I like that idea Nott! Can’t wait to see the new art of that.

I like the start of the idea but the "like the Traveler’s hugging me" is slightly creepy to me. Idk.

BeauJester shippers just got a gift xD

Oh... Molly’s all seeing eye tattoo. My heart. Taliesin looks really touched.

Omg a nat1

Ouch fuck Matt you didn’t have to describe that

Matt’s like "here’s your pretty tattoo Nott, here’s your very lovely tattoo Jester, here’s your TOTALLY BOMBASS tattoo that goes all the way up the BACK OF YOUR SKULL Beau"

like I’m not saying Matt plays favorites but his wife’s character definitely got the coolest tattoo

Boy talk over fish and chips heck yeah

Mmm gonna get some deep talk from Caleb?

Caleb expressing that he feels like maybe they’ve been brought together for a purpose <3

Cad telling him he’s believed Caleb was meant for something important since the beginning

Caleb the green bean farmer

"The god’s plant us, plant their will and their desire, and we move towards the fruit we’re meant for bear for them." Aw that’s... sweet, Cad.

Fjord being like "idk man I’m still figuring it out" what a mood

Caleb admitting he feels like he should run away

"I have started to forget what it was like not being with you people. And we are missing one, I am stuck on the fact that we are still missing one."

I wish I was fast enough to transcribe word for word this conversation because it’s excellent

I like Fjord’s question of "when you know, do you run away or do the right thing knowing it could kill you"

C: "You two are alright."

Cad: "We’re getting better."

F: "So are you, you know, you should give yourself credit."

C: "Mm..."

Cad: "I know... just think about it."

(Wow my old Widofjord feelings just came back with a vengeance.)

Cad adding in his own encouraging words about how Caleb is growing and becoming better made me happy too

C: "I hate tattoos."

Nott in the distance: AHHHH

C: "they’re just not for me."

Cad: "they’re frowned upon in my family."

And then they go see the girls

"We brought fish and chips—what they fuck"

All the Jester ships are eating well tonight

I’m so glad Jester finally got her cool tattoo

Y’all don’t want to see mom and Yeza and Luc?

lol Jester "I didn’t tell my mom about the tattoo"

"I’ve seen parents find out their kids had tattoos literally at the funeral"

I literally could not tell if that was Cad or Taliesin sharing

You guys didn’t even say bye to Orli! YOU MONSTERS

Boy that talks blurb with Brian talk about Caleb is GOOD SHIT MAN

No Brian don’t stop please go on and on about Caleb

lol Matt getting himself in the face with the paper

I knew Dairon was the one who got them out of trouble <3

EXPOSITOR OUTFIT AYYYY

just got new official art and now Beau gets a new outfit and the girls get tattoos xD

B: "I apologize"

M9: "wwwwwoooooaaaaahhh"

And library access again yay!

HEYYYY DAIRON

Beau gets to be a role model now lol

Oh yikes... selling out the Kryn to the King... don’t like that

Vence... NewTHEYLESS??

I don’t like that

Everyone: *excited freaking about Beau’s expositor room*

Cad, a good 10 seconds behind: "You had a monk bunk."

Dairon admitting she realized her prejudices against the Kryn were wrong. You know what that is? Growth.

They’re all so proud of Expositor Beau

Caleb trying to do "normal" accents is amazing lol

I don’t want him to be split from the group but I definitely understand his concern

Scary world ending lore oh boy

Oh god I forgot about the gentleman being here...

YES NO DO NOT GO ALONE that’s a dumb idea honey Jester please

N about J: "well she convides in everybody. Just says whatever she wants to say all the time."

This whole Beau and Nott conversation is amazing xD

Fjord and Jester: talking

Beau and Nott: talking

Caduceus walking along and enjoying the group communicating and sharing their feelings

Is he an earth genasi?

That’s the second time another wizard has called Yussah a fool, poor guy

I like how Ormid’s like "who the fuck are these people" but he also trusts Yussah enough to listen to them that’s nice

Hmmm I don’t like that’s awfully suspicious

WHISPERSSSSS

He keeps coming back to the beacon and I don’t like it

So like.. what if he is in on the whole thing and is trying to steer them away from looking deeper into the beacon?

Jester honey why you go and name drop Trent?? Like fuck.

Also interesting that both the King and his council have been more aggressive and pro-war lately, and the Bright Queen is also bent on the conflict in a way that I’ve personally felt doesn’t seem to quite mesh with her character, it definitely lends towards the idea that they’re being manipulated

Ormid’s a bit of a dick, although I guess I can understand, they’re not explaining themselves super well

Hng idk how I feel about Ormid and I’m not sure that I like that he now knows Dairon is working to get an audience with the king

But then again I’m bad about telling which NPCs are trustworthy and which aren’t.

Ormid’s face when they mentioned the cat OH MY GOD

okay fine god now I have to trust him

"I know we are talking about very important things but" I’m dying

Y’all fixing to get a symbol of the Cerberus Assembly damn

I don’t necessarily LIKE Ormid not entirely trust him but he’s already

Insight check on Sprinkles to see if he wants to go back with Jester aw

lol getting pet advice from him maybe I like him a little bit

PUMAT SOOOOL

it’s been so long!

PUMAAAAT SOL

Guys I have missed Pumat so much he just brings me so much joy

Fetch quest for Pumat DO IT PLZ

Oh

Wait

Basilisk oil that’s maybe not a great idea

GO SAILING TO THE ISLANDS

They gotta go to islands for Traveler Con right is that close?

"Let me get it from CritRole stats" lol

Oh thank god health potions

Armor boost oil is neat (plus 1 to AC isn’t bad) but ouch it’s pricy

I love that they CANNOT keep money they get it and then they spend it. It’s #relatable

Uh.... what’s happening to my boy?!

Caduceus?!

MATT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOY??

45 pats slashing??

WHAT IS HAPPENING

CADUCEUS

oh NO

fuck no

Is there a rift near?!

WHAT THE FUCK

The Inevitable End?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Evil assassin person??

45 points of damage fuck

This is bad

Sam: “WE’RE SHOPPING MATT” MOOD

23 doesn’t hit?!

Oh they’re in trouble

God DAMN I’m freaked out omg

Does he have The Invulnerable Vangrent as a map??

God what a cliffhanger

[multishipperlove]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett, Nott (Critical Role), Caduceus Clay, Jester Lavorre, Fjord (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Yasha (mentioned) - Freeform, Molly (mentioned) - Freeform, Barren Eve, zemnian, Not Canon Compliant, I'll be honest this was just to satisfy my holiday cravings Series: Part 3 of Zemnian Roots Summary:

Caleb decides to have a mini celebration for Barren Eve. Everyone else somehow ends up joining him.

Caleb always knows what time it is. He knew the date and the month and what year it was, didn't even have to think about it. So despite the fact that they were in Xhorhas, a city where the longest night of the year does not matter because the sun never rises, he knew that today was Barren Eve.

It's a holiday he hasn't cared about for a long time. He doesn't have a reason to, after all.

But today, he feels different. It's a calm evening for once, not that that's necessarily a good sign. Caduceus is tending to his garden, Jester and Fjord are out running errands somewhere, Nott is in the laboratory working on her crossbow and Beau is- well he's not sure where Beau is. Probably in the house somewhere. But he knows they are all trying to keep busy, because if they didn't they would have to admit that they are no step further with what they are actually trying to accomplish.

There had been no lead about Yasha in the past weeks, and despite Jester's and Caduceus' best efforts she had managed to avoid every single one of their scrying attempts. So they were stuck, and everyone was trying to distract themselves. And it was Barren Eve.

With a soft sigh, Caleb closed his book. The tiny text had finally managed to give him a headache, and with his realisation of the holiday there was little hope in continuing his work. Instead he snapped his fingers, calling up Frumpkin, and letting the cat curl up in his lap.

The gentle purring sound that started up almost immediately soothed him a bit, just like the feeling of the soft fur beneath his fingers. With Frumpkin acting as a sturdy rock in stormy weather, Caleb finally allowed himself to do something very rare.

He thought back on his childhood.

Leise rieselt der Schnee Still und starr ruht der See Anmutig glänzet der Wald Freue dich, Morgen kommt bald

One Barren Eve in particular. He had still been a little boy then, not much older than four, maybe five years old. It had been the first year he'd been allowed to come to the Church of Pelor with his parents for the evening's service.

Just walking through their village that day, seeing the lights everywhere, it had been an incredible experience. The whole way from the town's centre to the church had been lined with hundreds and hundreds of candles, lighting the way for the town's people.

“A candle for every fallen soldier, now and a thousand years ago,” his father had told him, before picking him up to make sure he wouldn't vanish in the freshly fallen snow. And as they reached the church his mother had given him a copper piece, told him to pick out a candle for himself and light it, so they would have one to hold during the service.

The sermon had taken more than two hours, but Caleb had hung onto every word the priest uttered, while being securely held in his father's lap.

“Take care of your candle” “Don't let it go out” “Careful with the fire, or you will burn yourself,” he had been told, whispered to him over and over as his father helped with keeping the little stump steady in his four year old hands.

He didn't remember this part, but had been told that by the time the priest said his last words, he'd been fast asleep. Despite his excitement, his body's desire for sleep had won that day.

Letting out a breath of relief, Caleb let go of the memory and came back to the present. He could feel tear tracks down his face, and angrily wiped them away before anyone could see. He was still alone and in his own room, but also knew very well that some of his friends didn't understand the concept of knocking very well.

Before he could get lost in any other memories, he decided to get up and make his way downstairs. Maybe he would find someone else to spend some time with, instead of sitting up here alone and drowning in his own sorrow again.

With that thought in mind, it was definitely disappointing to see the living room area of the Xhorhaus empty at the moment. But he told himself it was okay, that just being in one of the common rooms was... better. Somehow. He couldn't quite explain it, but decided that it didn't matter either.

Disturbing any of the others just because he felt lonely did not seem right either, so he settled down in one of the big chairs, trying to relax again. He still felt restless though, constantly tapping his foot on the floor.

Frumpkin, who'd followed him downstairs after complaining about being dislodged from his earlier resting place, now sat in front of him and stared him down. The cat blinked once, twice, and then meowed at him, sounding accusatory.

Caleb stared back for a moment but then sighed again. “Alright, alright. Maybe you are right. But let's not make this a habit, ja.”

He got up and spend a minute or two looking around for a candle. Not just any candle, he wanted it to be at least a little bit... not pretty, necessarily. But special. He wasn't sure what would account as special in a candle, but surely that would show itself if he found the right one.

And it did, kind of. In some back-drawer in the kitchen, he finally stumbled over a little stump of a candle that he was pretty sure he'd seen Caduceus use to keep his tea warm a few times. Not unlike the one he had picked out with his single copper piece, nearly thirty years ago. Hoping that his friend wouldn't mind, he took it back to the living room with him and placed it on the little coffee table sitting right in the middle of their assortment of armchairs and sofas.

Caleb kneeled down in front of it. He closed his eyes, not reciting a prayer like he was supposed to do but taking a minute of silence, before lighting the candle with a cantrip. “For Yasha,” he said quietly. “And for Molly. For- my family.”

He stared into the flame for a few more moments, and then settled back down in the chair. It felt better now, just sitting there in silence, and he was finally able to calm down. Frumpkin seemed satisfied as well and jumped back onto his lap, curling up into a tight ball before going back to sleep.

It didn't take long for Caleb to start humming to himself, a tune he remembered from the service that night. It was slow, but full of warmth and a weird sense of nostalgia. And unlike many of the classical Barren Eve ballads he knew, it focused more on the hope the next morning would bring instead of all the things that had already been lost to the night. In den Herzen wirds warm Still schweigt Kummer und Harm Sorge des Lebens verhallt Freue dich, Morgen kommt bald

He sat by himself for a while, until he could eventually hear footsteps coming down from Beau's room. For a moment he considered extinguishing the flame and pretending that he had been down in the living room for no other reason than his headache. But he didn't want to disturb his cat again, and also... Beau was from the empire as well. She probably wasn't very big on holidays, but he hoped that she would at least understand.

“Hey, Caleb, have you-” she stopped, just reaching the bottom of the stairs now. And there must have been something in his face, because he could see her mentally piecing everything together in a few seconds. “You, uh, want some time by yourself?”

“No, some company would be nice,” he admitted, freely for once. “You don't have to, of course, I just-”

“No no, it's fine,” she assured him quickly, though she took a step back. “Let me just get something.”

He watched her leave, curious to see what she was talking about. And really, he shouldn't be surprised, he thought, as she came back shortly later with a candle of her own. Considering the colour and the way it was made, Caleb was sure she had nicked it from one of the Cobalt Soul locations.

Similar to what he had done, Beau knelt down in front of the table to place the candle down, lighting it on the little stump that had already been burning for a while now. But she didn't stay down, instead getting up again immediately, crossing her arms over her chest.

“For Yasha. And for Molly,” she said, as if she was announcing it to the room. Then, much quieter, she added: “And for Dairon.”

She sat down on the sofa after that, and they settled into a comfortable silence. But again, it didn't hold for long. Nott was the next to come upstairs, and, being from the Empire as well, grasped what was going on fairly quickly as well.

The candle she lit on Caleb's looked like she had taken it from her workspace, still grimy with soot and whatever else she'd been handling, but burning just fine.

“For Yasha, and Molly. And for Yeza and Luc,” she said, staying on her knees a bit longer before scooting back and leaning against Caleb's legs, apparently more comfortable on the floor. None of them had noticed Caduceus watching until then, but Caleb spotted their friend at the top of the stairs just as Nott was finishing. The firbolg disappeared again, and at first Caleb thought he was just giving them space. After all, he was sure that Caduceus had never heard of Barren Eve.

But their friend surprised them all when he joined again a moment later, a candle of pure bee's wax in his hand. He didn't kneel down, not familiar with the tradition, just bend over to light it on Caleb's stump and straightened up again after making sure it stood securely.

“For Yasha. For Molly. For my family and all those we have buried,” he said, his soothing baritone ringing through the room. They all nodded, and he sat down next to Beau to join them in their silence.

Another twenty minutes later Caleb was close to falling asleep, just as he heard the front door opening and the tell-tale sound of Caduceus' wind chimes that always followed. Probably aware that it was late, Fjord and Jester tried to stay quiet on their way inside, frequently hushing each other.

Caleb smiled to himself, and had to stifle a laugh as he heard one of them push something over in the hallway, sending whatever it was clattering to the ground. He heard Fjord curse, and a moment later the half orc and the tiefling finally stepped into the living room.

“Oh, hey... you guys are still awake,” Fjord greeted them, obviously confused as he saw the four of them sitting around their little candle collection.

Caleb just gave a nod, but caduceus quickly waved them over to himself. After a few shared whispered words, Caleb could see understanding dawn on both of their faces. More cautious on Fjord's part, but Jester seemed immediately excited. “Oooh, that sounds great!” she whispered, though it came out more like a stage whisper. “Can we join?!”

Caduceus answered, quiet enough so Caleb couldn't actually hear him, and they both nodded and walked off. Just like everyone else, they came back with a candle each. “I wanna go first!” Jester insisted, more or less quietly, as she sat down cross-legged in front of the table and lit her candle on Caleb's. “So this is for Yasha,” she started. “And for Molly. And for my Mama, and Bluud, and for Nugget and Sprinkles, and for Essek, and-” Fjord stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, prompting her to look up at him. “That's- I think that's enough people, Jester,” he said gently. “Let me?” “Oh, sure!” She stood up again, letting Fjord take her place. He knelt down properly, cleared his throat, and lit his candle on Caleb's before placing it besides Jester's. His was plain and white, while hers was a long, red, elegant looking one. Caleb was sure he'd seen them at the Lavish Chateau the last time they'd been there.

“For Yasha,” Fjord started, and Caleb recognized the tone he used. He had heard it before when Fjord was speaking to the Wildmother, or simply looking for guidance. “For Molly. And for every single person in this room.”

Heut' ist heilig die Nacht Chor der Engel erwacht Hört nur wie lieblich es schallt: Freue dich, Morgen kommt bald

Caleb's candle started to flicker, almost burned down completely by now. But despite the never-ending night in Xhorhas, he took comfort in knowing that the morning would come soon, and with it... there would always be hope.

*

Here's a translation of the song (the original is more directly geared towards christmas, I changed the text a bit):

Softly falls the snow, Quiet and frozen rests the lake. Grazeful sparkles the forest: Rejoice! Morning will soon be here.

In our hearts it’s warm, Silent are sorrow and grief, Life’s worries fade away: Rejoice! Morning will soon be here.

Today the night is holy, Choir of angels awakes, Just hear how lovely it sounds: Rejoice! Morning will soon be here.

And a youtube link in case you don't know it and would like to give it a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HY28Acy1N8

[sockablock]

On Thursday, Sam broke all our hearts by having Nott ask Caleb, one day, to kill her and bring her back as a halfling. That way, she could finally be who she really is, and once again reunite with her family. But what I find absolutely fascinating about this, is that, in terms of game mechanics, she shouldn’t be asking Caleb for help—instead, she should ask Jester.

Here’s why, under the cut, because this shit gets long.

In terms of the actual story, it would make sense for Nott would turn to Caleb. She’s seen him do incredible magic from the start, and they have a very close relationship and understanding of one another. Moreover, she knows that he has to power to turn one substance into another, and recently, she’s watched him transform himself and others into various other beasts. And yes, way down the line, Caleb might end up using True Polymorph to turn her into a halfling for good. But what Nott described—being killed and being brought back in a new body—that isn’t a wizard spell. Even more, it’s not even something that Wish can normally accomplish.

It’s actually a 9th Level Cleric Spell—True Resurrection. 

It takes an hour to cast, 25,000 gold in diamonds, and it does the following:

You touch a creature that has been dead for no longer than 200 years and that died for any reason except old age. If the creature's soul is free and willing, the creature is restored to life with all its Hit Points. This spell closes all wounds, neutralizes any poison, cures all Diseases, and lifts any curses affecting the creature when it died. The spell replaces damaged or missing organs or limbs. The spell can even provide a new body if the original no longer exists, in which case you must speak the creature's name. The creature then appears in an unoccupied space you choose within 10 feet of you.

As you can see, this spell would eliminate the random-new-body effect of Reincarnate, and wouldn’t keep Nott as a goblin like how Revivify, Raise Dead, or even Resurrection would. It also couldn’t be dispelled, or dropped if Nott hits 0 hit points, as is possible with True Polymorph (depending on how you interpret the wording). Of course, there’s the possibility that Caleb would attempt to use Wish, but even for such a powerful spell, there’s no guarantee that it will succeed. Wish can only perfectly replicate a spell of 8th Level or lower. If you try something outside of that scope, well: 

State your wish to the DM as precisely as possible. The DM has great latitude in ruling what occurs in such an instance; the greater the wish, the greater the likelihood that something goes wrong. This spell might simply fail, the effect you desire might only be partly achieved, or you might suffer some unforeseen consequence as a result of how you worded the wish. 

Additionally, the stress of casting this spell to produce any effect other than duplicating another spell weakens you. [...] Your Strength drops to 3, if it isn't 3 or lower already, for 2d4 days. For each of those days that you spend resting and doing nothing more than light activity, your remaining recovery time decreases by 2 days. Finally, there is a 33% chance that you are unable to cast wish ever again if you suffer this stress.

Of course, I wouldn’t put it past Caleb to try the spell anyway. We’ve seen how much he loves and cherishes Nott (even if he won’t say it, goddammit) and if he finally reaches a place where he decides that bending reality isn’t for him, taking the chance that he’ll never be able to Wish again to help his friend is certainly something that might happen. Also, there’s the fact that, as I said earlier, True Polymorph interpreted the right way also could work. Or he could even wind up doing some homebrew, Cat’s Ire-style, to craft a spell that could transform Nott for good, into her original body, with no caveats or potential to be dispelled. That, after all, is the beauty and the point of wizardry! But, barring those options, maybe due to a lack of resources or time, True Resurrection could be Nott’s best bet. Then the gang would need 25k in diamonds (which Wish can do), and even more riskier than that, they’d need to kill her. They’d need to kill her in a way that leaves no trace, and then bet on the fact that when they invoke her, not as Nott the Brave, but as Veth Brenatto, that the body the spell creates will be that of the young halfling woman who drowned in a river so long ago. 

Of course, that’s an incredible risk. Moreover, it would require that the rest of the m9, maybe even Yeza, consent to such a process to complete the Resurrection’s ritual-part. And the caster, be it Jester or even Caduceus, would also have to agree. They would then be responsible for channeling the magic, for presiding over and completing the spell, for finally seeing it through. And, ultimately, if the Mighty Nein pursued this path instead, then it wouldn’t be Caleb  who’d bring Veth home.

Instead, he might end up serving a different purpose. True Resurrection requires that the goblin body no longer exist. That to bring back Veth, they’d need to destroy Nott, and leave no trace behind.

And you know what would be perfect for that?

Fire.

He could turn her to ash.