#also the cases they get are shit like ‘there’s trouble on the moon/in ancient egypt’

[boypussydilf]

compiled some of the notes from the “surprised you like sam and max when youre always on about acab” post that made me laugh the hardest

and finally,

[raeofgayshine]

Okay so I got a notification earlier that reminded I still haven’t told y’all about my Night At The Museum Moana Au, so I thought I should share it now.  Just a fair warning I’ve only partially thought this through so it might be a little messy, but the idea should still come through fine. 

Okay so first off roles:  Ahk would be Moana (obviously) Kahmunrah would play a similar role to the Grandmother Larry would be Maui  Nicky would replace Hei Hei (I thought about Dexter, but he didn’t really fit) And just for shits and giggles I was thinking Jedediah and Octavius could replace the mini Maui’s. 

Now the movie is set obviously in Ancient Egypt. Ahk’s parents are the current rulers, but he is the one set to rise to the throne (”Our people will need a chief and there you are”). Around the kingdom is a giant wall, blocking them from venturing further into the desert and the land around it. There’s only one exit, at the mouth of the Nile river, which flows through the kingdom. The exit leads to sea, and is only open for fishing boats to come in and back out of (”The fisherman come back from the sea”). At the other end of the river is a sealed exit that hasn’t ever been opened, and was only made in case of emergencies. 

So Ahkmenrah is obsessed with the stars. He’s feels a call from the moon and the sky much like Moana does from the sea, he spends hours staring at it, longing to cross the wall and see the parts of the sky he never gets to. His parents are always trying to pull him away from the stars, back to land, back to where their people are. Ahk tries his hardest to ignore the stars, but its so hard when they keep calling out to him, begging him to follow them across the world (”I wish I could be the perfect daughter, but I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try”). 

The only person on Ahk’s side is his older brother. Kah was the original heir to the throne, but by the time he was eight and Ahk was born his parents had decided he wasn’t fit. Kah grew up with hearing loss issues, he was partially deaf by the time he was 2 and as a result developed a lisp when he spoke. By the time he was four Kah had also developed reoccurring seizures, which lead many people to believe he had been cursed by the gods. His parents hoped he would grow out of it, tried to do all they could to get the gods to bless Kah again, but it didn’t work, and by the time Ahk was born Kahmunrah had developed such a reputation throughout the kingdom of being a little odd, a little strange, a little off, that his parents decided to not give him the throne. 

The tablet is the heart of Te Fiti. It had been in the possession of the kingdom for quite some time, but it wasn’t until Ahk was born that it finally chose someone to restore it. See, Ahk was born a very sickly child, he almost died as a baby, until the tablet reached out with golden lights and healed him, choosing him as the one to take it home. Kahmunrah was the only one that witnessed this, and at that moment he set himself to learning all he could about the tablet, the stories behind it, to figure out why it saved his baby brother. 

Ahk grew up hearing the stories from his brother about the tablet, about how it was believed to have great magical powers, including the power to create life, and how long ago the great demigod Lawrence Daley stole it from the heart of the temple of Khonsu, enraging the god and setting a great darkness free across the land. In trying to escape Larry was struck from the sky, losing his magical torch (Instead of a fish hook) and the tablet to the sands of the desert. Over time the tablet had found it’s way to their kingdom, but the torch remained lost. Kah always told Ahk one day someone would restore the tablet to the temple of Khonsu, but held off for many years telling him that the tablet had already chosen him. 

So Ahk would grow up and train to be pharaoh, as Kah was left to become the kingdom crazy person, one people never took seriously or payed much attention to. As years passed Kah would steadily get more sick from the seizures and his hearing loss would worsen until he was almost completely deaf, but the kingdom flourished and nothing seemed to be gong wrong. 

Until one night, Ahk looks up and notices some of the stars seem to be missing from the sky. He asks Kah about it, but his brother doesn’t know the sky as well as he does, no one does, so he can’t get a confirmation. Eventually he brushes it off, at least until the next morning when in doing his rounds he finds some of the fields have wilted. And then comes the news about the fish traps being empty. 

Ahk knows it has to have something to do with the stars, but when he brings it up to his father he’s shut down and pushed away. After a little bit of debate Ahk decides to try and find out where the stars are going, scales the wall when no one is looking, but he quickly trips and hurts himself, and has to stumble his way back to the village and over the wall. Kah is there waiting, but when Ahk asks if he’s going to tell their dad Kah’s only response is that he’s meant to be the problem child, he doesn’t have to tell their father anything. Ahk thanks him and is about to set off for the kingdom to apologize and prepare to take his place as pharaoh, until he notices something off about Kah, and after a minute of prodding gets his brother to lead him to an old temple hidden near the sealed entrance of the Nile. There he learns of the forgotten past of their people, how they used to travel across the desert following the stars and exploring the land. Ahk is thrilled by this, and rushes to talk to their father about it, but this only leads to another argument. Before things can come to a head though, someone rushes in and informs them both that Kah had just had a severe seizure. One he likely wouldn’t recover from. 

With his last breaths Kah explains to Ahk that the tablet chose him, encourages him to leave the kingdom with the tablet and find Larry, take the demigod to restore it to the temple of Khonsu and restore health to the land and the stars to the sky. Tearfully Ahk agrees to do so, and sneaks out whilst his parents mourn the lost of their eldest son, unknowingly taking with him when he does the eight year old orphan named Nicky, who had attached himself to Ahk at a young age and followed him almost everywhere. They set out on something similar to the boat Moana uses, only with sails higher up and made to go easily on sand using the wind (Like kiteboarding a bit). 

Anyways, they find Larry under the torch shaped constellation, and after a bit of mess and trickery and convincing, they get him to agree to go with them to restore the tablet. 

The rest of it would basically follow the plot of Moana with just a few changes, including the ending changing so that Larry accompanies Ahk and Nicky back to the kingdom, where he adopts Nicky as his son and they live happily ever after. 

Also just because I think it would be funny, Jed and Oct can totally talk and they cause so much trouble and make so many jokes, Jed provides running commentary frequently that makes Nicky giggle, and Larry is pretty annoyed with them basically constantly. 

There’s probably more to be said but this is as far as I got, so if you want to add more feel free to add on. And if you want to use this idea for a story or whatever go for it, just make sure you tag me in because I would read the shit out of that.