#also the bisexual lighting can’t be a coincidence right

[applysome]

Dramatic Synchronicity at Webster Hall - Everything You’ve Come to Expect

for @crandberrysaucewithpulp

Not shown directly after this - introduction to The Meeting Place

Alex: this is a good old fashioned love story, about what might have been

Miles: this one’s for you Hannah, baby…

💙💜🩷

[unit-zero-two]

Queer Representation in 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

13 Sentinels was a game I picked up because the trailer looked neat. I had no clue what the gameplay was even like, I just felt adventurous. And I was rewarded with a fantastic game that constantly surprised me in the best possible ways. One of the ways I was surprised was in the actual textual existence of queer characters. Plural. And with a queer relationship developed and promoted prominently on screen between main characters.

Now, with the increase in queer media around the board, this alone isn’t worthy of praise. My enjoyment, and I suspect that of a lot of people, comes from the fact that there was no expectations or promises made, and yet the game still delivered. It was just there, causally, in a AAA game published by a decently well known studio. It’s a good example of what we’re asking for when asking for queer rep. It being allowed to casually exist and flavor games that aren’t just dedicated to telling these stories.

Like a lot of media if you go in expecting flawless queer representation suffusing every aspect of the game, you will be disappointed. This is a game with 15 main characters and most of the cast ends up in straight relationships. But not all of them. And past those relationships, there is still a queerness that is allowed to exist and be shown throughout this game that constantly impressed me.

I will work through the textual, on screen examples of queer representation one by one. There will be spoilers for this game in the post, so if that is something that you care about, please finish the game first before continuing. Due to the non-linear storytelling and gameplay nature of 13 Sentinels I can’t really set timestamps or anything. If you’re not done yet, but still curious to read, I personally feel like nothing I say here will ruin the experience for you. Through it’s strange nature, this is arguably a spoiler proof game and knowing what is to come can help you view the events in a different, but still enjoyable, light.

Textual Queer Representation in 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

The place for us to begin will be with one of the 13 playable characters, Takatoshi Hijiyama. Hijiyama is very much a young man defined by when he was raised in the story. 1945 Japan in the middle of WW2. He is nationalistic and proud of Japan, it’s culture and tries to stand for it’s values. While training to be a Sentinel pilot, he falls for the demure Kiriko Douji, daughter of the professor in charge of the project. His prologue begins with him following Kiriko and finding her operating a time travel system. Kiriko reveals three things: 1) she’s the real scientist behind the project, 2) her real name is Tsukasa Okino and 3) she is a he. Okino leaves 1945 and Hijiyama chases after him. What then follows is a very clear romance storyline as Hijiyama works though self-discovery of his sexuality, his internalized biases and some good old jealousy.

Throughout his story, Hijiyama shows attraction to Okino both dressed as a woman and as a man. It’s made clear that the clothes and gender presentation aren’t the main defining factor for his attraction to Okino. He also shows attraction to some of the girls, implying a sort of bisexuality. But in the end, Okino is the one he directs his attention and dedication. The pair even share a robot in the final battle.

Next we have Takatoshi Hijiyama...of 2188. Through a data log Hijiyama finds during his story he finds out that his self of 2188 was in a committed, queer relationship with Tsukasa Okino of 2188. The two openly express their love for each other in the logs, and Hijiyama 2188′s final words are to mourn the death of his lover. The game makes it very clear what their relationship is. And watching this is a turning point for Hijiyama and how he views Okino. Seeing the death of Okino 2188 shakes him, and hardens his resolve and love.

Tsukasa Okino is an interesting character for many reason. We see him first dressed as a woman. When asked about it, he comments “Let’s just say some binaries work for me, and others don’t.”. Throughout the story, Okino alternates between being dressed as a man and a woman. He’s a very practical person and expresses several times his thoughts on both forms of dress and the pros and cons he finds in wearing them. But he never says, “I’m actually a man/woman or I prefer to wear men’s/women’s clothing.” To him, both forms are equal and he switches between them as he feels like through the story. There is also a point in the epilogue where Okino reveals that he can hack into the simulation and change his gender if he wishes. He then offers to turn into a woman and to sleep with Hijiyama. This is a very confident offer made by someone secure in their identity and sexuality. Hijiyama is understandably flustered at the teasing.

Okino openly shows sexual attraction to Hijiyama, mostly presented as teasing jabs at him. As with 2188 Hijiyama, 2188 Okino is explicitly in a Queer relationship and openly affectionate in the data logs. For the most part, present day Okino is busy during the narrative trying to save everyone from the Kaiju, but still finds time to flirt with Hijiyama.

Hijiyama and Okino are the clearest in text examples, but there’s one other stand out example. Iori Fuyusaka. For the most part she spends her story being boy crazy and confused by strange dreams, but there are two interesting moments with her. The first is during the battle section. One of the scripted after battle sections plays and it’s Iori tripping and she scrapes her hand. Yuki Takamiya helps her up and puts a bandage on her hand. It is a very slow, very tender and very deliberate scene. After Yuki leaves, Iori blushes and comments, “Whoa, what the...why is my heart racing right now? Wait, does that mean...? But I didn’t think I was...I mean, what if...” This scene makes it very clear what Iori is feeling and what she is discovering about herself.

In another scene near the beginning of the game in Iori’s story, she’s looking for a cat. She comes across Juro and Shu talking to each other in secretive whispers and embarrassed blushes.

Shu: Just listen. This is a first for me too. You feel it, right?

Juro: ...

Shu: I want to pursue this with you. Please!

Juro: I dunno...it's just...

The edges of the background softens and the camera shifts to center them, soft music plays, and Iori blushes. While the scene itself is a pretty standard confused for gay joke, it’s interesting to see it from Iori’s point of view. When caught, she says:

"I, uh...umm...I think as long as you love each other...it's okay..."

Juro is embarrassed and corrects things. Shu just laughs and is amused by the idea of dating Juro.

Juro: Do you believe us [about our dreams]?

Iori: Well, actually...I'm more surprised to hear that's all it was. Cause, I thought...

She blushes and is interrupted by the bell ringing and class starting.

And in light of the scene with Yuki, it becomes interesting in reflection that her thoughts would go there so quickly. Whether she was conscious of it or not, Iori is very aware of the possibility of same sex attraction. Whether that’s clever foreshadowing or just a neat coincidence is mostly irrelevant.

Uh...that of course brings us to Yuki Takemiya. So...Yuki will get her own post. Because there’s a lot there. Most of which I would argue is heavy subtext. I love the character and her plotline, but it it would be stretching to say that she is textual queer representation. But there’s still a lot to talk about.

13 Sentinels is a game that deals in all variations of relationships; familiar, platonic and romantic, and it’s great that it included queer representation into the text like it did. Hijiyama and Okino gave us a romantic queer relationship, twice, and Iori gives us a Bi-Sexual character who while not in a relationship with a woman is still queer. And that’s always good representation.

[scrawnytreedemon]

Zelink for the ship bingo? :0 any game!

OH GOD, THIS IS?? Gonna be a doozy. Buckle in.

SkSw:

WW-PH: Link/Tetra:

Spirit Tracks(in theory! I haven't seen the game yet, can't speak personally):

Nearly all other instances:

RIGHT! getting onto individual analysis,

1, SkSw: By far my favourite of the bunch, and a longtime delight. Whether you construe their relationship as romantic or not, doesn't matter-- They've got such a wonderful arc of trust and unbreakable love. Zelda starts off incredibly worried for Link, constantly fretting and deeply unsure of his abilities. She steps in to defend him, willing to go up against Big Boys like Groose to do so. As the game progresses, however, and Link grows, in strength and in character, Zelda, and everyone else for the matter, put more trust in him-- By the end of the game, they're on equal footing, and, oh god, oh man, I'm gonna crybhfgjfhdgkjdjd--

2, WW-PH: Nothing to say except, tough girl, sweet boy? Phuck yeah!

Jokes aside, Link and Tetra's arc is also one of trust and vulnerability, but from a different angle. Tetra's a hard-as-nails, independent, morally dubious young girl who's landed herself as captain of a ship full of Big Boys, and sees Link as little more than a useful, if rather weak coincidence she can use to her advantage. However, as the pair grow,(really as Link grows and Tetra is thrown out onto the sidelines as her royal heritage is revealed and she's forced to take on a 'princess' role, one that notably feminises her and lightens her skin), again there's that theme of growth of trust! They take down Ganondorf together, build a new Hyrule together, and isn't that just what dreams are made of?

3, Spirit Tracks: Nothing much to say, other than the dynamic looks super sweet, and there's an interesting play with gender and presentation on Zelda's end? Love it to bits, 12/10.

Now... Onto the potatoes of this, I think. Get your gravy.

This... There's going to be more objective analysis and criticism, obviously, but alot of this is also going to be deeply coloured by my own personal experiences of heteronormativity and alienation. This isn't a commentary on anyone else's enjoyment of the dynamic-- I hope I've made that clear --But, just... I guess I should get to it.

Link and Zelda,

Zelink.

As one anon put it, the vanilla icecream of shipping.

Mild, sweet,

And incredibly heteronormative.

The Golden Relationship; the one toted by fans and Nintendo alike as "the ship".

Everything else, anyone else, is a deviation. It slots neatly into the expected hero-damsel dynamic that we've had, since, well, the beginning of time, almost. It's almost as dust of the earth as it gets. The issue for me being... They don't spend time much, really. Link is barely characterised half the time as little more than a slightly lackadaisical vessel for the player, and Zelda is a sort of guiding light; a dignified keeper of the plot, Righteous Guardian of Hyrule--

The culmination of all Hyrule presents itself as: wise, smart, beautiful, dainty but compitent, ready to lead a charge should need be... but rarely unruly. Rarely ever. Always right.

Obviously, it goes without saying how Breath of the Wild's iteration of this duo changes it up immensely. Zelda is a far more flawed, and in her attempt to put on a strong face, a far more emotionally vulnerable character than any of her gentle predecessors could ever hope to be. While this pairing and her character fail to hit that particular sweet spot in me, it's deeply intriguing, and I hope, perhaps vainly, that they'll develop her and her relationship with Link even more in the sequel-- Honestly, when it comes to this? An equality between her and Link is, I think, what would be best. A mutual understanding; vulnerability.

I think that's what puts me off from Zelink, on the whole. Link is bound to her, by destiny, by guidance, ever-performing his knightly duties, and Zelda is bound to him for strength, for protection. There's little emotional substance, half the time, save for small, precious moments, many with another face, because it's a dynamic inherently dependent on the war-- On danger.

It's all impartial, situational. There's nothing personal here.

And if that were it, if this were truly explored from that angle(as it is, to an extent, in BotW), then I think I'd like that-- Especially if it weren't romantic, I feel.

But that's not the vibe we're told to get: not from the fans... not from Nintendo.

Nintendo tends to be largely neutral on certain matters, such as pairings-- Honest to god, for the best, in my opinion-- But Zelink is that one blind spot where that ethos falls away. Here, Nintendo expects us to see it as some grand, destiny-bound romance, I feel,

And the pre-Skyward Sword manga, from what I know, cements this best.

It's why, quite frankly, I don't care for the idea of it being canon. Genuinely.

It undermines what little weight Ganondorf via Demise had on all of this, this horrific cycle of blood, pain and despair, always bracing for the next wave, of the sisyphian climb of this civilisation, and turns it all into a grand goddess' love for a boy bound to her by fate and destiny manifest.

I hate that.

For something like this, something where no one has any choice, where greatness is thrusted upon them, this endless state of being used that Skyward Sword even condemned, to be seen as good.

To get onto personal experience, before this blog, and this "persona," as it were, I used to have an art account where I largely posted TLoZ, frequented by my family. My very Christian, somewhat socially-conservative family. I would perform straightness, in the form of either pushing aside or pursuing M/F romance, because I was extremely uneasy about the types of conversations anything otherwise would arouse.

This was at a time where I wasn't even sure if I was bisexual, let alone divergent in my gender, so I felt a constant pressure to tamp it down and keep it out of the spotlight, relegating my explorations via art to DMs with the friends I'd make.

Here, on Tumblr, where peppy-queerness is the status quo, there's this tendency to gloss over unpleasant things and make them soft; sweet.

I think I've talked enough at length why that alienates me.

So, yeah... I guess, Zelink on a wider scale kinda just, sums up my unease about the often hegemonic status-quo of shipping, and on the whole I'm just kinda eh about it all.

Again, I think it should be very clear that this is not a reflection on my opinions of people who create Zelink content, who are attached to these characters. That sort of weirdly-tribalistic thinking is awful, and only brings about needless conflict-- Early 2000s-2010s kinda shit, y'feel me?

I hope this all made sense, kinda. I've just got... alot of feelings.

[itsonlystrange]

So, after reading @hawkinsschoolcounselor latest post, I went into the comments and, boy- they were, well. They were not great. I mean I guess I laid this onto myself but, anyways, I’m going to be answering this comment right here:

This is ALL for fun! It’s all a bunch of light hearted love, but this comment REALLY ticked me the wrong way.

For starters: There’s always been this trope in media of “one is enough.” Or “we have enough representation!” And it’s VERY prevelant in tv shows. The theory that “oh! There’s already one gay character, that’s enough for you, right?” Is sh!tty. It’s horrible.

Think of it this way: if there are 200 white sheep in a room, and then the shepherd brings in one black sheep, do you think that would suffice the other black sheep from the other herds? Do you think that would ‘hold them over’? I mean imagine being a black sheep in a crowd of 200 other white sheep, you’d feel alone. Okay, so now pretend there is a tv show, and this black sheep is watching that tv show, and of course, all the actors in the tv show are WHITE SHEEP. So then, in season 3 of Sheeper Things, they FINALLY introduce a black sheep, and of course the black sheep is happy, but still, they can’t help but realize that all of the white sheep are still there and overcome that small black sheep by a LOT!

I’m assuming that comment was made by someone straight, as they clearly don’t grip representation. Also, I’m assuming that person is slightly homophobic, just by the way they phrased it. It seems odd, I mean, what’s the issue with having one more gay character?

Well apparently, in their minds, Will being able to overcome his childhood is much more effective then Will being gay- so.

Let me lay it out for you:

Surprise! You can be gay AND want to hold onto your childhood! And, there are already so many other characters that could have a lovely arc of learning to accept themselves and learning to be their true selves away from societies norms *cough* mike *cough* Lucas *cough* but of course, they want to make WILL the one who gets this arc because if Will was gay that means he has a better chance of getting with Mike! (This was under a Mileven video btw) so they want him to be canonically straight so there is no chance Mike and Will can be endgame!

Now second: 90% of the comments under this video are people saying they think he’s asexual.

1. You can be gay AND asexual

2. Asexuality is the feeling of not being sexually attracted to anyone. YOU CAN BE ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE IF YOURE ASEXUAL.

3. Will is fourteen! And if we’re using the logic of “oh he hasn’t wanted to kiss anyone so he’s asexual!” Then shouldn’t Dustin be asexual too?-

4. WILL IS FOURTEEN! Just because he doesn’t want to get down and dirty at that (very young age!) DOESNT mean that he doesn’t like sexual attraction at all. It’s kind of insane how people are seriously making these assumptions over a 14 year old child, some people like to wait, and that’s fine!

5. If the people in the comments meant aromantic, there really isn’t anything in the show that proves that he doesn’t like anyone, period. I think partially it’s heteronormativity and people not wanting to see the fact that Will clearly has a crush on mike, or had one in the past. The script even went as far as saying “But his eyes aren’t on the cute girl, they’re on - - Mike.”

Why do you think the script would put that in if there wasn’t something there, unrequited or not? Personally, I think that a lot of people don’t want to accept the fact that Will could have a crush on Mike as that would destruct their heteronormative bubble. They don’t want the main boy in the show to be gay because it disrupts the balance in their life. And it makes the chances of mike and Will ending up together being strong.

6. Saying “you have one gay character, that’s enough representation!” Is BULL. SH!T. There will NEVER be enough representation in the media for the lgbtq+ community. Ever. Even when we keep trying, there will always be something. Whether the show being cancelled or the one gay character dying, representation in the media for minorities are slim, but ESPECIALLY for the lgbtq+ community.

We are all VERY proud of Maya and Robin. We love Robin, but that doesn’t mean the Duffers just get to sit back and be like “oh, we already have one gay character, we don’t need more.” Like, what? That’s not how this works. Representation doesn’t just get to stop after the heterosexuals deem us to have “enough gay characters” or “if you add too many gay characters it’d get unrealistic” no. We’ve (me being a bisexual) have went through YEARS AND YEARS of ZERO representation. ZERO. While the hets always got their happily ever after love story, we WAITED.

We love Robin, but that doesn’t mean they can just halt Will’s arc since season one because you deem the representation to be enough.

This isn’t apples and oranges. Will can be gay AND not want to grow up. It isn’t always just black and white.

Maybe it’s the people who refuse to see the way Will looks at Mike, and just takes that as “2 bros looking at bros”, but there is very clearly something under the surface there.

since season ONE they have built Will up to be gay. Since the first episode.

Put it this way. Joyce used the term “f*g” in episode one. Why do you think they would use a slur like that If it weren’t going to go somewhere. What was the point of using a slur to describe Will in season one, or to Troy and James literally tormenting the Party for Will being gay almost all of season one. What was the point of that if that wasn’t going to go anywhere?

I can GUARANTEE that If Mike promised El that he’d go crazy together with HER instead of Will, the milevens would eat that up and call it “romantic!” However, because it’s just two boys, it’s totally platonic, right? It’s totally just two bros being bros.

If Mike held el’s hand like that and said “we won’t let him.” To el instead of Will, milevens would EAT THAT UP. They’d say that was the most romantic sh!t in the show.

If Mike told El that meeting her was the best thing he’d ever done, MILEVENS WOULD EAT THAT UP. They’d call it the most romantic thing of the century. It’d be on ever fan accounts Instagram pages. It’d be in all of the bios. But of course, because it’s two boys, it HAS to be platonic.

A lot of times milevens excuses for things are “well mike said he loved her so it’s end game”

Stancy, anyone?

Or Mike said “you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

In the most DRY way possible. If Mike said that to Will in that way, EVEN I WOULDNT BELIEVE HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH.

I mean the way Mike said that line clearly shows that el isn’t the most important thing in the world to him. There’s something underlying there. Like I said, that line was DRY. There was no emotion behind it. He was just saying that to get El to shut up, to get El to forgive him, so they could move on.

If Mike had said “you’re the most important thing in the world to me” to WILL like that instead of El, I wouldn’t have believed it either. And I bet that If that was the case the milevens would say “Mike doesn’t really love Will! That line was so dry!” But because it’s El and Mike, they say that’s the cutest thing since sliced bread.

Again, I have zero issues with Milevens, it’s only the toxic ones like the comment above that get to me.

Will has been set up to be gay from DAY ONE. The duffers have studied film for YEARS. Do you seriously think they’d let these all be coincidences? Do you seriously think that after writing season two NOBODY said, “hey, that’s a little gay.”

One scene is fine. If we only had gotten crazy together, yeah, I don’t think I would have thought it to be canon. But it’s the fact that they wrote in OVER 10 QUEER CODED ROMANTIC SCENES BETWEEN MIKE IN WILL, JUST IN SEASON TWO.

You can’t make that up! That cannot be an accident!

They’ve said over and over that everything they do, every song they play, every outfit the characters wear, is intentional. It’s all there for a reason.

Finn and Noah had to read these scripts, rehearse them, and then spent hours filming them. Do you seriously think it wouldn’t have cross their minds that “Hey! That’s a little weird Mr Duffer.”

That’s mostly because Finn and Noah probably already know where the show is headed.

If your only source of Mileven evidence is that Millie has said that they should get married and that they kissed in the end, then, I have some news to break.

Obviously, if anything were to happen in season 4 with Mileven not being end game, Millie couldn’t just say that. Finn couldn’t just say that. It’s their jobs to keep the fans intrigued and on their toes.

David knew he wasn’t really dead but he still had to pretend in interview after interview that Hopper was indeed dead. And he played it off pretty well.

Millie knew El wasn’t really dead after the season one finale yet she still had to play it off like El was.

So obviously, they can’t just outright say “Mileven isn’t end game!”

I mean,,, I’m sure they’d get fired for it.

So, we really shouldn’t pay attention to what the cast says in interviews, and we shouldn’t take that as canon, either. Their job is to subvert our expectations for the show, and they’re doing it well.

TL;DR:

Will can be gay and also have an arc where he doesn’t want to grow up and where he can learn to be his authentic self. The interviews the ST cast do should not be taken as canon as their jobs as actors are to keep us on our toes and subvert our expectations. Byler has a lot of proof and has a large chance of being canon, and most milevens don’t want to believe Will is gay because that means Will would have a larger chance of getting with Mike. The lgbtq+ community still need representation regardless of Robin and just because we got one lesbian does not mean the duffers can sit back and go back to their only heterosexual couples and ideas.

Byler is end game :)

@kaypeace21 @strangertheory @stranger-analysis @willthecleric (opinions?)

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

No One Lives Forever Not Even God

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader 

Warnings: Language, Insomnia, mentions of antidepressants, mentions of drugs, drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of nazis, parental neglect, mentions of the dead, cemeteries, mentions of meltdowns,  corrupt government, mentions of cancer, low self esteem, self destructive behavior, medical testing, thoughts of murder, mentions of injury, and mentions of knives, 

Word Count: 6.1k

Songs: Mother- Pink Floyd, He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse, A Pearl- Mitski, Me and My Husband- Mitski, Saint Bernard- Lincon, Why Didn't You Stop Me?- Mistki, Nuestro Planeta- Kali Uchis, You Know I'm No Good-Amy Whinehouse, and Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Whinehouse.

 "I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too. Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.”

A/N: I only did one proofread so sorry if there are typos and this is just more of an infodump to set up other chapters so enjoy ig. I almost gonna start another series a social media AU let me know if you'd want to be tagged in either of these series.

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Nightmares come while I’m asleep but, when I’m awake the nightmares of the day just come for me then, so really I’m just stuck. I would like to say the antidepressants are working, it's just the insomnia that comes with them isn't working for me. I’m honestly starting to think mood stabilizers would do me better.

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

I’m not sure I could blame this all on the pills though. I’d have to give some of the credit to the massive bombshell that a certain ex Avenger had dropped on me. 

It's almost like every five seconds a new giant secret about my mom is unveiled to me. Like sure I saw from the video that she’d left me that she had associations with some bad people like Kingpin but nazis? 

SHIELD had apparently collapsed because it was infiltrated by Hydra but it was prevalent while my mom was still alive. Seems like she had worked for or with everyone who was anyone. I’m just gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know because up until two weeks ago I didn’t either. 

Her and Natasha had been recruited at the same time and worked together but for someone who claims to have been so close to her you’d think she’d know that she was dead. “She went off the grid and that was the last I heard from her,” is all she gave me with a smile that even I could tell was fake and I’d just met the woman. 

You know when grown folks come up to you and expect you to remember them because they met you once while you were like in the womb that’s kinda my relationship with Natasha. She knows so much about me and I know absolutely nothing about her save for the fact she's a spy meaning she’d be a great liar. 

She used to babysit me sometimes if I could trust what she says that is. Apparently I called her “Auntie Nat”. For some reason no one ever thought it was a good idea to inform me that I had a godmother. Maybe they did and I just forgot. 

I thought they were supposed to take care of you when something happened to your parents. And the one who’s alive is about as useless as the other. It might be fun to have another person that was considered family. Just maybe not a spy at least I’d know she’d walk out of my life so I won’t get attached. 

Mother, do you think they'll like the song?

“Hey mom,” I sighed sitting down in the light dusting in front of her tombstone. “I know it’s been a while and I’ve got a lot to catch you up on,” 

It took a bit of digging before I found what I was looking for in my bag. I ran my fingers along the cold surface of the small jewelry box. There was puffy white glue holding the larger pieces together. 

I placed the box in the grass sitting next to the tombstone. I removed a purple coiled bracelet and sat it next to the box. 

I tucked my legs under my body admiring the piece of jewelry. 

“I brought you a bracelet,” I spoke. “It’s kinda like a friendship bracelet cause I have the other. I don’t know if I should leave it here in case someone steals it,” I laughed. “You’d have to be a real shitty person to steal from a cemetery though,”

I curse so often I didn’t realize I did it until I had already done it. 

“Ah sorry! Excuse my French,” I chuckled.

“I met Natasha Romanoff and she said she knew you. She said she knew me too. I don’t remember her though…” I trailed off. 

For someone who claimed to have a lot to say I sure was at a loss for words. I just didn’t know how to get any of them out. 

“Oh! You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you but I got to meet some of the Avengers. Most of them were new though. You’d know some of them. Like Captain America I wanted his help but he couldn’t provide it,” 

I had a bit of an episode when I was told no one knew where Thor was. I think it was justified though.

 How the fuck do you lose two Avengers let alone the ones that can’t possibly be hidden. One is green and huge and the other leaves lightning bolts everywhere they go.  

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?

“The other is Natasha but I don’t think I really knew that yet. She went by Black Widow. I’m sure you knew that though. You probably know a lot,” 

I wonder how many secrets she never told me about. I mean I could only imagine all the secrets working for the government would let you in on. Like she probably knew about big stuff like the Tesseract and aliens maybe she could’ve known about that. 

“Okay I have a question. I have a lot actually but I think if you answer them I’m gonna get up and run out of here,” I joked. 

“Number one is my middle name Natalia because of your SHIELD buddy? Like it might just be a coincidence but it could also be a godmother typa situation or something,”

It was a running theory. She would’ve known my mom before I was born. And if what I was told is true they’d be pretty close too and Natasha translates back to Natalia and I know she’s Russian. It makes sense. 

Ooh

Mother, should I build the wall? 

“Uh… there’s this boy,” 

When was there not? It seems like there was always someone in my life. Carmen in therapist mode said it’s because I put my self worth into my relationship status.

 “He’s really nice. Like really really nice. Nicer than anybody I’ve ever been associated with. It’s just he’s like…” I didn't know how to put the next part into words. “He’s just too nice. Too nice for me at least. Like he’s such a good person and I’m just me,” 

“And it’s I feel bad,” I sighed. I was getting myself too worked up over this. “Like I keep playing like a game of tug a war with him where I let him in and kick him out again it’s tiring. I don’t even do it on purpose. I feel like we could be something maybe. But I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. It’s a self defense mechanism. At least I think.” 

I do it with everyone. I shut them out before they can get it. The less people you let into your life the less people that can walk out. 

It’s a bulletproof tactic. At least I used to think it was. Never realized people could get hurt including myself. 

“I saw dad,” I informed myself? I guess I’m not sure how healthy it is to have a conversation with someone you know can’t respond and isn't listening. “Like two days ago actually I didn’t say anything I freaked out and ran away. It made me think though,”

Mother, should I run for president?

Made me think about how I’d done so well on my own. Well I’m not gonna take all the credit, most of it was Carmen keeping my ass in line. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I haven’t talked to anyone in a while. 

”I found a small studio apartment in Queens. It was the cheapest one I could find. I’m just renting it like an Airbnb right now. I need to find a permanent place and a job,”

 I couldn’t find a permanent place at my age unless I had full autonomy which leads me to my next topic. 

“So I was thinking about getting emancipated which everything would’ve been a lot easier if you were here then we could just go to court for custody cause you’d win for sure.” 

Mother, should I trust the government?

“I know you never got to know how corrupt SHIELD was but do they like keep tabs on everyone who does anything to them or related to them? Because like I did a little snooping and I know they had files for all the Avengers and other people like Kingpin.” 

I knew I was going to have to do more than sit here and ask a dead person what to do but ranting to someone who couldn’t spill my secrets was a start.

 “I was just wondering how deep it went or if they had hidden stuff on me,” 

Mother, will they put me in the firing line?

It’s probably common knowledge that if you mess with the government they’ll mess back. I’d like to think they were like bees. You leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Only stinging when provoked. 

But every branch of the government is like a wasp. They don’t die if they sting and they’ll sting you for no reason at all. They just like to see people in pain.

And I’m sure the energy research branch of SHIELD would probably be more than interested in a walking fire bomb that can move things without touching them. 

I mean I’m not going to stop poking things around until I figure out what’s wrong with me. So might as well not complain. 

“So I don’t have many things figured out right now and the whole you and SHIELD thing only confused me more so if you could just like come tell me what to do just this once that’d be great,” I laughed.

 At first I was contemplating if this was weird or not but hearing me say that I now know this is pathetic. It always has been.

Ooh

Is it just a waste of time?

But I didn’t know if I should keep searching. Maybe I should just pretend like I’d never gotten introduced to the world of powers or mutations at all. For all I know Peter, Carmen, Felicia, Wade and I are just normal people who do normal people stuff. 

Sure I wanted answers but I didn’t want to end up like those people who spend their whole life searching for an answer they won’t find any and end up never living at all. 

Like a quote my mom used to say all the time “The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all,” 

She really just used it so she didn’t have to listen to being put on bed rest but it obviously had a deeper meaning and she knew that. 

I keep finding myself stuck on that phrase. That and the whole when the dust settles poem. 

I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too.

 Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. 

But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you. 

“Uh I don’t know if I should even tell you this cause you died before it was even a problem in the first place but…” I blew out a breath digging my feet deeper into the ground.

 “I’ve been clean for like two weeks now. Which is actually a thing I’m pretty proud of right now.” 

I’d stopped using everything except weed, nicotine because those weren’t drugs and even then I used it way less than before. Oh, and my antidepressants too but that’s obviously okay they’re prescribed. 

I hated the word clean made me seem like an addict which I wasn’t. I’m many things but I wasn’t an addict. I just didn’t know of any other words to use. 

I wasn’t an addict but I’d say the lines between recreational use and dependency were blurring just a bit. I had gotten it straight though. I’m good now. The antidepressants are helping. 

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry

“You have a superpower of just making people feel better immediately. I don’t know if it was the fact you were my mom or what but if you even just put a bandaid on a stab wound it’d probably stop hurting and disappear,” 

I wasn’t even exaggerating there was this one time I got hurt at the zoo and she just kissed it and I forgot about the fact that I even fell. 

I’m not sure how true that is though because I couldn’t actually recall the memory I was just told about it by my mom a few years after it happened. So I guess I remember not remembering then being reminded. Weird. 

“I wanna see the giraffes!” Aaliyah cried, stomping her feet down on the concrete.

This was one of the only times mom didn’t have to work on the weekends and Liyah had to have her way like always. 

“Mom!” I screamed “Tell her you said we could see the lions first,” 

She just sighed. “Well since she’s the youngest do you think you could be nice and let her go first please?” 

“Fine,” I huffed. I wasn’t doing it for Liyah, I was doing it for mom. Even a blind person could see how tired she’d been lately. 

Liyah laughed at me sticking her tongue out. She’s such a brat.

“You’re so dumb.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“I know you are but what am I ?” She teased hitting my shoulder before running away.  

I took off after her. She may have been fast but I knew I could catch up to her. 

I almost had her when my foot got caught on something. It launched me towards the ground and I put my hands down to catch myself but I still hit my knee.

I slid on the concrete scuffing my leg. I didn’t scream because that would make me weak and it didn't hurt that bad. I just bit my lip and stood up. 

I didn’t want to limp but it hurt too much to put pressure on my leg. 

Liyah had beat me back to mom and when I reached them she was already apologizing. 

Fake.

 She was just scared to get in trouble. I wasn’t gonna snitch on her anyways. 

“Let me see it,” Mom asked, grabbing my arm, pulling me to sit down on a stonehenge. 

She reached into her purse and pulled out a first aid kit. She always had everything in her purse. It was kinda like a super power. The black Marry Poppins. 

She wiped the scrape with an alcohol wipe and I just barely hissed. It didn’t even really hurt anymore. 

She placed a bandaid on it, smoothing her hands on top of it before placing a kiss there. 

“There,” She wiped her hands on her thighs before standing up “All better?” 

I nodded my head and we went off to see the giraffes because I’m nice like that.

“In case you were wondering, Aaliyah still always gets her way even now. I’d say she’s got me beat on the manipulation game honestly,” 

It’s fine though I taught her everything she knows not everything I know. I could still get one over on her if needed. 

Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true

“I found your pendant, the SHIELD one. Which I guess makes all of this real no matter how much I want it to be fake. I just want this to be a poorly written book where I wake up and the past five years were all a dream,” 

God knows how much I meant that. Well maybe I didn’t mean it too much because some people I’ve met in the past five years are people I don’t think I could survive very long without. Even though I kinda exploded on everyone so maybe I’m gonna have to test my theory on how long I can really survive. 

“Hey Doc,” I greeted pushing up the door of the restaurant. 

“Hey sweetheart, how ya been?” He queried.

“I’ve been better,” 

“I hear ya,” He nodded. 

Once we were in the back of the restaurant aka his office. I pulled out the diamond. Doc knew everything about everyone and anything. He could also make a duplicate of anything you gave him. 

“Whatcha got for me?” He asked, rubbing his hands together. 

“This, I’m not sure what it is,” 

I placed the bird pendant on the desk. I found it in a shoe box filled with my mom's stuff. 

“I was wondering if you knew,” 

He lifted it up to his eye to get a better view, His eyesight so bad that his glasses were practically a magnifying glass. 

“It’s a crest, I don’t think I’ve seen this before it’s most likely from a government branch,” He placed it back down on his messy desk. “I can do some more extensive research for you if you’d like,” 

“Yes, that’d be great,” 

“Stop by again tomorrow and I’ll fill you

I wish I never went back to Doc’s place or found out about flash drive, Vulture, SHIELD, any of it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get anymore fucked up the devil came out the woodworks and spit in my face. 

Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you

“I remember all that testing they did after I agreed to do whatever Stark needed me to do sooo badly. I still don’t really know what he did- or he’s doing with all that DNA and other stuff he’d gotten from me,” 

Aren’t the Avengers and by default Tony Stark products of SHIELD so wouldn't that mean whoever’s behind all of that could’ve been the one to tell Tony about the fire thing in the first place. 

That had been the main thing about the whole Stark situation that I still couldn’t figure out. Someone needs to tell me how he found out and they better tell me now. 

“There are multiple lacerations 1-2 inches lining the upper and lower abdomen,” The doctor lady announced to her assistant. Before moving her cold hand away from my side pushing my shirt back down. 

Okay that’s chill nothing I haven’t had before. 

“We’re gonna have to do another X-ray is that okay?” Her assistant asked. I wasn’t going to bother to learn their names. I was planning to stay that long anyways. 

What’s the point? They’re just going to come back and say the machine is broken and then do another blood test. 

“Yeah sure,” 

I was led into a much bigger room than the last. There was much more machinery too. 

I was strapped down to a cold blue cushioned table by leather straps. Straps weren’t really necessary, not like I was planning on lashing out and mauling anyone. 

I closed my eyes when the flashes of the machine went off. Apparently I had fractured three of my ribs and bruised my sternum. 

You’d think they’d let me go now but noooo they need more blood and then when they were done drawing blood. 

They had to hook me up to a machine to monitor- I don’t even fucking know what they were monitoring. 

I just know I had all the pads with wires on my temples and chest and everywhere else. It reminded me of that one time I had to do a sleep study. 

Except they didn’t have holographs to read off and fancy probably government funded tech then. They sure as hell didn’t have all this whispering either. Or maybe they did and I was just unconscious.

Still I didn’t even want to actually be here and I was cold for once. 

“How much long do we have here?” I groaned.

“Not much longer. We just have and MRI left,” 

Yeah right. I was gonna be in here for the rest of my life

“I could probably go back there if I wanted answers,” I spoke quietly. 

“But I don’t want the government in my business like that well at least just not more than they probably are already at least and the tests are so invasive,” 

Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing

That’s not the only invasive thing in my life. Or should I say was in my life? I don’t fucking care really.

 My dad was somehow the strictest and the most lenient person ever. I think he just wanted control.

 I used to blame his alcoholism for everything he did but no really he’s just a shitty person. A shitty person who likes to beat on women and take doors off the hinges. 

“You are so pathetic!” My mom screamed at my dad. 

 They had been at this all night. For so long that I’m seriously contemplating jumping out of this small window right now. 

Sapphire had no qualms sleeping on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Aaliyah and I however were still wide awake. 

I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head but I’m assuming we're still up for the same reason. To kill our dad if he even touches our mom. 

I had a kitchen knife in hand as I sat on the bathroom sink. I always had a knife every time my dad started yelling a little too aggressively just in case but this time felt different. Like I was really prepared to stab him this time. 

I didn’t know what it was but something felt off. 

“Are they done?” Aaliyah asked, rubbing her eyes. The apartment had fallen silent. 

“I don’t know. Stay here,” I hopped down off the sink. 

I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna listen to me. The kitchen was empty which means they must’ve moved to their room.  

The next moment was the sort straight out of a family sitcom except the family was falling apart and the kids were going crazy but otherwise it could’ve very well been an “oopsie” misunderstanding moment. Where the younger child asks “Are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?” 

Then the oldest child pulls them into their body and whispers “I dunno kiddo,” or “No they’re just going through a rough patch,” anything like that.

 Except it wasn’t that. That wasn’t what she said and that wasn’t what Aaliyah asked me. 

God how I wish that was what she asked me. 

I have a bad habit of acting before I think. I opened the door opening my mouth to let out the words in my brain. 

“You’re dying? How are you dying?” 

They both turned to look at me like they were just noticing they weren’t alone. 

My mom sighed moving closer to me grabbing my arm. 

“I’m- Im not no ones dying,” 

The door creaked as Aaliyah pushed her way into the room. 

“But you said ‘I need you to step up you need to know how to handle it when I’m dead’,” She paraphrased cleaning out the cuss words. 

“It didn’t mean literally dying right now,” 

Now I could see how this could be us just jumping to conclusions from like two sentences but she had been weird lately. Like she’s always traveled a lot and been secretive but lately she’s been extra secretive. 

And I could tell the secret wasn’t to protect herself so whos to say it wasn’t the fact she was currently dying. It actually makes perfect sense. 

I’m starting to wish I wasn’t always right. Stage 4 Lymphoma. Basically we should go coffin shopping pretty soon. 

If only she wasn’t so selfish and would get treatment for it. She couldn’t leave me here by myself. Who’s gonna take care of us if she dies.

 I’d thought about it before and I decided I’d take on the role of caregiver for my sisters but then it was only a what if situation. 

Wade has cancer and he’s not dead but that’s only because he got pumped with like super drugs shit. 

Now I just needed to find some super drugs and figure out how to get her to take them. 

Fuck Cancer and fuck my dad. Why couldn’t he have gotten the diagnosis instead of my mom. A life for a life type beat. 

I guess that wouldn’t have made for a good tragic backstory would it. And what fun is life without a tragic backstory.

 My only question is when does the backstory end and when does the actual plot begin because clearly I’m not there yet. It’s only tragedy after tragedy.

 Maybe that is my story, just pain and suffering. Someone has to be the butt of the joke. 

She won't let you fly but she might let you sing

“You always told me to surround myself with people who you could block out the rest of the world with. Peter’s like that so was Olivia she was one of those people for me. When we weren’t yelling at each other or crying, I mean. Still wish you could’ve met her though,” 

“AH YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “I found it,” I waved the joint in the air. 

“Alright come sit down then,” Olivia laughed, patting the seat on the couch next to her. 

“Shit,” I muttered. “Where’s the lighter?” 

She just laughed at me again. Before reaching into my pocket and slipping it out. I couldn’t help but smile at how intimate that action felt for no reason at all. 

I quickly and lightly pressed my lips to hers muttering a quick “thank you,” 

About three minutes had passed and I could feel the weed taking course through my system. 

My head was in her lap until I abruptly shot up gasping at the beginning of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean. 

“Dance with me,” I pleaded it didn’t take much convincing because here we were twirling around. Although it was much more giggling than dancing. 

I bumped my leg on the glass coffee table and immediately apologized making Liv and I laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

I was laid out on the soft white fur rug with Olivia laying her chin on my chest. I ran my hands through her hair. 

It was actually very easy there were no knots my fingers just glided smoothly through. 

“I mean shit,” I breathed “I know I can’t run from the rest of the world forever but until then? Bitch you can call me Flash cause I’m zoomin’.” 

She giggled at that before speaking up.

“You don’t have to run you can just stay here with me forever,” 

Her words were so genuine it made me want to cry. She basically just said “I love you” in more or less words. 

“You know what? I think I might,” 

She gave me a tired smile, turning her head to place a kiss on the top of my breast. 

I smiled back at her and how adorable she looked right now. I just want to kiss her for the rest of forever. 

When I glanced back down at her I could hear her breathing slow and her eyes had fluttered shut. She was asleep. 

I felt all warm and fuzzy and at peace and I couldn’t tell if it was the weed or if it was just being in Olivia’s presence. 

I wasn’t ready to say these words to her when she was conscious yet maybe I’d never be ready but I’d say them now. Just to get them off my chest. 

“I love you,” I whispered. 

I never really felt comfortable saying that to anyone. Probably a result of not hearing it enough as a child or something. My family’s never been affectionate anyway. That’s fine because I wasn’t my family, I was my own person. 

Stroking her hair gently before drifting off to the land of dreams myself.

So much for forever huh? 

It’s funny to think how I took times like that for granted if only I knew those were some of the only moments of normalcy I’d get for a while. I’d spent too much time thinking about what could’ve been with almost everything. 

So much so that I didn’t take much time to actually be. Now I feel like I’ve made it to the point of no return. Not mentally but like with everyone else around me. I think I pushed people too far away this time. Not so sure I could get them back. 

“Uh I can't really remember what I’ve already told you so I’ll run through it all. This vigilante or superhero Spiderman started doing his thing then I got caught up in his mess.” That was most definitely an oversimplification but what do I look like telling my mom I was a well known thief. “Then his relation to Tony Stark got extended to me so now I kinda do stuff for him but I don’t work for him.” 

I don't work for him he might think I do, but in reality he works for me. I had almost everyone at the compound wrapped around my finger. 

“I don’t think I really wanna work for anyone. I was offered to be an Avenger in training but that isn’t really my style. I will use his gym though.” I rambled on. 

It was kinda weird how easy it was to rant to my mom like this because not like she could voice her opinions about anything. I guess I hadn’t visited in so long that I forgot what it was like. 

Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm

“Oh!” I exclaimed remembering a very important factor that I left out. “Then we have the whole Staten Island fiasco that I told you about. I remember telling you that. I’m still searching for answers on how I did that too,” 

Like some real answers not that radiation BS.

“Your phone’s broken,” I pointed out the cracked screen sitting on the wood. 

“Oh shit!” Peter cried “May’s gonna kill me this is the second phone I’ve broken this month,” 

I came off way calmer than I was feeling. I’m surprised I wasn’t running around screaming right about now. I was probably just paralyzed in fear. 

How do you react in a situation like this in the first place. 

“Okay how long are we going to be sitting here? What are we waiting on?” We’d be up here looking down at the fire crackling underneath the pier for like 15 minutes now. 

“I don’t know actually,” He sighed. 

“Uh…” 

How was I supposed to respond to that? That was the driest response to anything in the history of the world.

 “Well since I’ve already pinky promised I won’t spill your secret can I ask some questions while we wait for you to figure it out?” 

“Sure, go ahead,” He nodded, shaking his arms. 

“Okay number one did you think I had died or something because if someone burst into flames in front of me I’d probably think Satan was coming for me. I’d cry too,” I laughed but had to stop myself as the stabbing in my ribs ran through me. 

“No, I didn’t think you were dead, you had a pulse,” He pointed out “Maybe I could’ve thought you were dying though. And I wasn’t crying,” 

Liar. He so was crying. 

“Aw you don’t have to lie I think it’s cute,” I teased if I didn’t feel like my body was falling apart I might’ve poked his side.

“Alright, second question: do the webs like come out of you? Cause that’s kinda disgusting,” 

“No, I make them with chemicals ‘n stuff. I’d explain the science to you but I’m not sure how much you’d care.” 

I let out a small laugh knowing what feeling would come if I laughed too hard. 

“I mean you could explain it ‘m just not sure how much of it I’d understand,” 

We both laughed at that. 

“On the topic of the webs what’s there integrity like how well do they hold up or like how long,” 

“Uh…” He blew out a breath running his hands over his face “As far as I know they last up to two hours. That is unless someone cuts them or something,” 

I couldn’t help but wonder if Thorn was one of those someone’s to cut the webs maybe I was the only someone. I didn’t really need to ask the question. Aaron had already answered the question for me when he told me about the deal at the ferry. I just wanted to see what Peter would tell me honestly. 

I spent the rest of the night asking questions and cracking jokes. I was talking for so long I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten. 

It should be a world record how fast I managed to fuck up 5 friendships. Well it’s my personal best at least. Only took like 4 minutes. 

I feel like that’s all I do is just fuck up everything. I used to believe there was a difference between being fucked up and being a fuckup but the older I get the more I realize that there isn’t. 

It’s like someone built a self destruct button in my head and every time something good happens to me I feel the need to run away. 

Like Peter he’s literally perfect he's smart, respectful,  adorable, and selfless. He’s literally a fucking superhero for godsake. 

I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I really was but all the Trigonometry chapter was doing was mixing with the sound of rain outside and triggering the urge to fall into a deep sleep. 

“Okay,” Peter tapped his textbook with his pen. I wish I could be confident enough to do math with a pen. 

“So sin is equal to the opposite of whatever angle you’re trying to find so first you have too…” 

He droned on, I knew he was talking about the math problem lying on the bed in front of me but I wasn’t listening. Maybe if I sat at the desk I could actually be paying attention right now. 

“Y/N?” 

“Hmm?” I sat up on my elbows yawning.

“Are you tired?” 

I just hummed again. Until I realized what the question was. I reached for my phone and it was already 9:03 that woke me up for sure.

“Oh shit! I gotta get back,” 

Not like I’d get in trouble or anything but Carmen would get on my ass about the fact I didn’t come back when I said I would then she’d make something out of nothing. 

I scrambled around trying to find all my things to put them back in my bag.

“Wait it’s raining though,” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah,” I chuckled “It’s New York it’s always raining,” 

“Yeah but it’s cold and wet and dark so if you tried to skate you’d probably get hurt,” 

I knew what he was doing and it was working because frankly all his excuses were shit because one I don’t get cold and two I could just walk and there are lights everywhere but I was gonna stay anyway. I was too tired to argue right now. 

“May!” Peter shouted.

“Yes?” She called back. 

“Can Y/N stay for the night?” 

“Yeah if her parents are okay with it,” 

That’s how I ended up wearing some shirt with some dumb science pun sitting on the couch watching Aladdin for like the millionth time ever. I was singing along to One jump ahead  when I felt eyes on me. 

I turned my head but before I could make eye contact with Peter he acted as if he was watching the movie the whole time.

“What?” I giggled. Fuck, I hadn’t like genuinely giggled in the longest time.

“Nothing,” He replied, turning back towards the TV again. 

This time I was the one to stare at him wondering what was going on in his head. Not even the fourth song in and I was already yawning struggling to keep my head up.

 This goes to show how much willpower I had because I couldn’t even stop my eyelids from falling shut. I deserved to sleep though I’d been exhausted lately. 

There’s only like 6 people on this planet that I trust enough to fall asleep around and surprisingly Peter had become one with like 5 months of knowing me.

 I would still trust him if given the chance I’m just not sure how much he trusts me right now. I understand though. I don’t deserve anyone’s trust. 

Taglist: 

@tomdiddlyumptious​

[gnbrules]

Suptober20 - Day 18: Dark & Stormy Night

Word Count: 1.5K

Feel free to read here or on Ao3:

Let It Rain

The wind was whipping outside Dean Winchester’s kitchen window, making large raindrops spatter against the glass. Lightning cracked somewhere in the distance, and Dean was not overwhelmingly surprised when the power in his apartment went out – the neighborhood was prone to outages in poor weather. Dean was disappointed, though. He had hoped to eat his dinner while watching a movie, maybe Tombstone or some other western to suit his mood.

But it was not to be, and he was grateful that at least his burgers and homemade fries were already done and plated. Dean pulled out a lighter from one of his kitchen drawers and lit some of the candles he had around his place. He put one on the table, another on the counter, then went to his hall closet and pulled out a couple flashlights. He was just about ready to sit down to eat when there was a knock on his door.

Dean sighed. It was rare that he had unexpected visitors, and he was tempted to ignore it, but in the end he thought that might be too rude, even for him. He went and opened his door, and found a somewhat familiar-looking man standing there in the darkened hall.

“Hi,” said the man awkwardly. “Uh, my name is Castiel Novak. I just moved into the apartment across from yours.”

“Oh, right. I think I saw you bringing things in the other day. Dean Winchester,” he replied, putting forward his hand, which Castiel shook. “What can I do for you, man?”

“I hate to bother you, it’s just, I was wondering if you had any extra flashlights or candles I could borrow? Mine are all packed up in boxes still and it’s kind of a mess trying to find them without any light to start with.”

“Ah,” said Dean. “You’re right, that does sound like a pain. Come on in while I find you something.”

Castiel smiled gratefully and stepped inside Dean’s apartment. He looked around with some curiosity, though what he could make out in the lowlight was hard to say. “What smells amazing?” he asked, taking a deep inhale.

“Burgers. Hey, have you eaten yet?” asked Dean suddenly. “Do you want to join me?”

Dean wasn’t usually the type to invite near-strangers for dinner, but he was feeling in the mood for company now that his movie-watching plans had fallen through. And if Castiel’s apartment really was still a mess of boxes, it would probably be a nice reprieve for him as well.

“Oh no, I don’t want to impose,” said Castiel.

“But have you eaten?” Dean asked again, more forcefully.

“No, I haven’t,” Castiel admitted.

“You’re staying,” said Dean matter-of-factly, and he was already on his way to the kitchen to start making up a second plate. “Come on, burgers are my specialty and I made enough extra. Lettuce, cheese and tomato okay, Cas? Do you go by Cas?”

“Um, sure. To both,” he replied.

Dean chuckled slightly as he finished topping the second burger with a bun. Then he took out a couple beers and brought everything over to the dining room table. Dean waved at Cas to join him, and the two sat down across from each other.

“Thank you for all this,” said Cas sincerely. “I haven’t met many people here yet, and I’m glad at least one of my neighbors is friendly.”

Dean grinned. “Of course, pal.”

Now that Cas was sitting across from him, Dean couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was. He was especially startled by the way the light of the candle was flickering in those clear blue eyes. Damn.

Cas took a bite of his burger. “Mmmm,” he hummed. “You were right, these must be your specialty. It’s delicious.”

Dean smirked. “They don’t call me the meat man for nothing.”

Cas tilted his head slightly, and Dean couldn’t help but notice that he also licked his lips before he spoke. “I’m not sure that means what you think it does. People might get the wrong idea.”

Dean looked down at his hands on the tabletop. He wasn’t shy at all about his bisexuality, but it was always a little weird announcing it to new people when he wasn’t sure how they would react. Especially a dude that he’d met today and had somewhat inadvertently invited to a candlelit dinner. Still, for some inexplicable reason, Cas felt like someone he could trust.

“Actually,” said Dean, “It wouldn’t entirely be the wrong idea. I’m, uh, open to…all…types of food.”

Cas snorted over his beer, and Dean felt a swoop of disappointment. But then his neighbor shot him a warm smile. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe the coincidence. I am also open to ‘all’ foods. Not that I expected to mention it five minutes after meeting you.”

Dean felt his spirits lift slightly. If he was being honest with himself, there was a part of him that was happy to hear that Cas was queer because he was cute, and it opened up the possibility of something happening between them. But mostly he was just happy to have someone he could hopefully relate to, at least about that one part of his life.

Dean took a few bites of his burger, then said casually, “Well, I guess we skipped the small talk. Any deep dark secrets you wish to confess? Murder anyone lately?”

Cas smiled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Not lately, no,” he said, and Dean chuckled. “The whole moving across country has been a little time-consuming, you see.”

Dean relaxed back in his chair and took a swig of his beer. Then he gave Cas an appraising look. “And where is across country? Like all the way across?”

“Yep, all the way. New York.”

“Figures,” said Dean. “Seems it’s always California to New York or back again. Come for work, I’m guessing?”

Before Cas could respond, a loud clap of thunder broke outside. They both glanced towards the window, where the rain was still coming down in large drops. Cas turned back to Dean. “Yeah, for work. I’ve taken a position as a Religious Studies professor at USC.”

Dean felt a little put out, since he wasn’t sure he could make any new conversation out of this. He was not religious by any means, and didn’t feel particularly knowledgeable about the subject, either.

“So…you’re into all that God stuff, huh?” he asked, and regretted it the instant he said it. Cas was going to think he was uneducated, or judgmental, or something. What a mess.

But Cas just smiled and didn’t seem to find any harm in the question. “I’m not particularly devout, myself,” he said. “I do find religion and faith to be an interesting area of study. My classes tend to focus on how religion affects culture, and visa versa.”

Dean nodded. When Cas put it that way, Dean could kind of see the appeal. “I never thought that much about it, but I get what you’re saying. Religion is a huge influence all over the world…kinda cool to dissect what that means.”

“Exactly.” said Cas. “Now should I guess what you do?” He gestured at his now empty plate. “Because I assume you must be a chef at the most high-end burger restaurant in town.”

Dean smiled appreciatively at the compliment. “Nope,” he said. He stood up and began to clear their plates, somewhat awkwardly brushing against Cas’s arm as he did so. “Try again.”

Cas also stood and pushed in his chair. He helped Dean finish clearing the table, then leaned against the granite countertops to stare at Dean appraisingly.

Then Cas smirked, and there was no mistaking the flirtation in it. “Male model?” he guessed. His voice was low and deep, and Dean felt warmth spread through him.

Damn, Cas was smooth, and apparently interested. Who knew Dean would be swapping solo movie night for something that was beginning to feel more and more like an awesome first date?

Dean felt encouraged enough to press into Cas’s space, and was elated when Cas leaned in even closer.

“Sorry, Professor,” said Dean. “Wrong answer.”

Cas chuckled, and Dean couldn’t help but feel he was even cuter when he laughed. Cute enough to kiss.

So Dean did, and felt a swoop in his stomach when Cas kissed him back. Damn if this wasn’t like some fantasy: spending an evening with a handsome stranger, and then kissing him hard and pressing him up against the kitchen counter. Cas seemed to be just as eager, if the way he threaded his fingers through Dean’s hair was any indication.

It was intoxicating and perfect…

And then the lights came on.

The two pulled apart and blinked into the new brightness. Beeps from a number of appliances sounded throughout the apartment, and the microwave clock was flashing at them from the other counter.

Cas frowned slightly. “Guess that ruined the mood, huh?” he asked.

Dean bit his lip, then pulled away from Cas. Cas sighed and started to move as well, but Dean held up a hand to stop him. “Hold on, Cas, stay exactly where you are, okay?”

Cas squinted at him with interest. He watched as Dean made his way through the apartment, then laughed when he caught on to what the other man was doing.

He was turning out all the lights.

Dean returned to the now darkened kitchen and put an arm around Cas’s waist.

“Now, where were we?” he said in low voice.

Cas responded with a searing kiss, and outside, it continued to rain.

[lisianpeia]

I haven't yet been able to scream my happiness and emotional response to Loki being canonically bi. I'm even having a hard time to actually understand why my reaction to it was so strong. I kinda froze and it took me a while to be able to truly pay attention to everything else that was going on (I have to rewatch this episode). I started crying after the episode. When the episode was over and my husband was like that last sequence was brilliant! I could only answer DID THEY JUST MAKE HIM CANONICALLY BI???

I love Loki, as most of the MCU fandom does. So it probably has to do with loving a character for this long (I can only imagine what it feels like for those who have been loving this character even longer). And with Disney finally making a character queer.

Maybe it also has to do with the fact that I only realized I was bi in the last decade, which coincides with me watching the MCU and some of those feelings are tied with it. Yes, I did realize a lot about my sexuality reading wlw in the MCU (I can't be alone in that).

But I'm thinking.. I think it hit me as beautifully hard as it did because of everything in that scene.

How organic the dialogue was, how simple and matter of fact, and how resonant it felt to me. To simply exist as one is.

How amazing it was to watch that with all that bisexual lighting (so beautiful!).

How a bit of both was said in the middle of this conversation about love, all kinds of love. How it felt beautiful to see these two people (I know they are the same people, but stay with me) sharing this moment of understanding.

And I understand how some people might feel like this is too small, especially in light of the MCU track record of queer representation (or lack thereof). These feelings are valid. But they are just not what I'm feeling right now.

And I think what I felt about this scene is heavily impacted by how people usually treat bi and pan people. I don't think a line is small. Because people are always trying to find different ways of invalidating bisexuality and pansexuality (even if they don't mean to). Would I love to see Loki with a queer romantic storyline? Yes. But just because he doesn't have one doesn't invalidate him or his sexuality or the representation that line brings. We don't have to conform to any expectations of what people expect bisexuality is like.

So, yeah, I'm happy. I'm emotionally destroyed by this scene. I'm still crying randomly just thinking about it. And it's all I have been able to think about since I watched the episode.

[mihidecet]

Sbi&CO d&d AU: A Familiar Face (1/?)

WELCOME WELCOME EVERYONE! Today, the tournament arc begins! I do hope you’ll enjoy this ahahah

I dedicate this to all the wonderful people of the Au’s Discord - hit me up if you wanna join! Also, a special thank you to @traitorous-bisexual and @awebo without whom this arc wouldn’t exist <3

Finally, before we start: make sure you check out @whatimevendoinhere , @spout1nk and (soon) @julius-ranch for art and fanfics about the AU!!

It was a lovely morning. 

The sun shined through the tinted windows, turning the light a soft orange glow that lessened the glare of it against his eyes. 

It was a welcome respite: during the months that involved preparing the tournament, days were quick to melt together, nights becoming just darker afternoons as Scott and everyone around him hurried to make everything look ready for the contestants' arrival. So, not having the sun shine directly into his eyes as he looked over the final challenges that had been chosen for the tournament was a relief. The cup of warm tea by his desk was also a saving grace.

Stifling a yawn, Scott figured that he could let himself take a stroll. Maybe open up his window, let the room freshen up a bit. 

With his window overlooking one of the many parks inside the Academy, maybe he could distract himself for a moment and see if his protege had finally started warming up to his teammates. 

That plan had flown out of the window almost immediately. Or maybe it would be better to say that it had flown into the window, along with a green tipped arrow that had suddenly appeared in his field of vision. 

Now, Scott hasn't been adventuring for a while, but it would be foolish to think that he's forgotten how the world works - with a flick of his wrist, a translucent dome of purple arcane energy materializes between him and the incoming arrow, which impacts with the barrier a split second later. The tip goes through, piercing the veil of his magic, and for a terrifying moment Scott thinks it's not gonna stop, but it simply stops, held in place as if caught in a web. 

Which is a relief, the amateur that tried to attack him - an Archmage, in the middle of his own Academy - failed to get their first shot in and this will give him the time to step back and call his most trusted in order to quickly and efficiently get rid of the problem at hand. He has other more pressing matters to attend to, he's not going to waste his time on this. 

As his Shield spell fades, it congeals like a shimmering second skin over his upper arm. Maybe calling the guards isn't that pressing, he's got this. 

Or maybe he doesn't, he thinks as he get a second, much more terrifying surprise - in the span of a couple of seconds, he really can get no breaks.

A figure materializes in the air in front of him, with a dark hood over their head that covers most of their features except for a huge - terrifying - grin and an intricate bow strapped to their back.

The figure appears with a puff of iridescent smoke, crouched in the air as if they'd been in the process of jumping before they decided to teleport, and- crashes into him, the force of the impact and the shock of it happening making him lose his balance and start falling back. 

There's a moment where Scott is confused: is this some sort of strange tactic? Did the stranger misjudge their trajectory? Are they going to wrestle on the ground as if they weren't both magic users? 

Then, a brief split second of panic - he didn't look what the stranger was holding, and he is currently falling on his back. He is going to get stabbed, at the very least, and that conviction is only made stronger as he feels the stranger's arms close in around him. 

But then, Scott has simply enough time to blink in shock, as the arms just wrap around his back, before his world is literally turned upside down.

One moment he is falling on his back, already anticipating the pain of a knife to the back - please no vital organs, spare him the need for an extremely expansive healer. The next the is wrapped in a hug and grunting in pain as his knees impact with the ground. 

"Ah, fuck that hurt- Scotty are you alright?" 

Scott refuses to believe this. He pushes against the chest under him - the arms give, letting him go - and finds himself face to face with a sight that is both very familiar and weirdly unusual. 

"You-" Scott says, tone an unconvincingly mix of menacing and angry as he jabs a finger into the not-so-stranger's chest -"Are lucky to be alive. I could have murdered you."

Hbomb's worried glance instantly brightens, despite Scott's best hopes, and he throws his head back to laugh. No matter how irritated he is at his friend, he can't help but huff out a laugh himself, and a moment later they're both chuckling together on the floor. By all the gods, it has been some time.

"You are a dumbass, H. You couldn't just use the door? You know, like a normal person?!" Scott asks, holding himself up on his left elbow because H has always been one to laugh with his whole body and Scott is still recovering from jamming his knees into the floor, he's not in the mood to be jostled around by an enthusiastic ranger. 

"Aw, Scotty, aren't you happy to see me?" The half-elf asks, putting a hand on his chest as he fails to pretend he's insulted. Scott flicks his nose. 

"Ah- that hurt!"

"I know, I meant it to hurt. Now, do you want to tell me what you're doing here? And what is that doing on your face?" Scott demands, serious at first until he realises that H has been growing out his beard well past what he considers to be a good length - H's pout is barely visible under all that scruff.

"Well, now, that is unnecessarily rude. I've been traveling for a while now, and I wasn't gonna risk injuring myself-" Scott grabs a wandering hand and brings it back on H's chest. 

"H." Hbomb has a tendency of gesticulating when his hands aren't being kept busy, and while he did figure that his friend had simply forgotten to shave, he has known him long enough to be able to recognise when H is going off on a tangent - which is perfectly fine - and when he's changing the subject because he doesn't want to answer. 

He knows he's right when H simply shuts up, eyes wide like those of a deer - quite fitting, considering where he enjoys spending most of his time. But instead of looking pensive, or starting to answer, H just … looks down. At where their hands are. 

Normally, he wouldn't think much of it. But H looks almost sheepish, and his eyes keep moving from his face to their hands, so Scott looks down. 

His brain screeches to a halt, and suddenly he stands up a little straighter, sitting on the floor next to H as he grabs his hand in his. 

Around his fingers wraps a perfect replica of a silver winged fae dragon, while in his palm- one of the most accurate representations of the different Planes. 

Scott turns his stare to his fiend, who looks more calm than Scott feels he has any right to, and when he speaks he sounds almost breathless. 

"What happened to you?"

The tale of how Shubble's patron reached out to him to grant him powers is exhilarating. Not in the "funny" sense, more in the "my friend who is usually not that fond of talking and interacting with people especially when he's not in a place he is familiar with, was transported to a different plane and spoke with a being of transcendent power". So maybe a bit in the "funny" sense. 

The only negative side of the whole affair is the fact that Shubble is currently not present. 

She actually teaches at the Academy, so H was right in his assumption that reaching this place would have helped him out, but he just barely missed her by a couple of weeks. She's recently left, called out on an urgent mission by her patron themselves, and a part of Scott's mind can't help but feel like it is an extremely weird coincidence: he respects power gained through pacts, but he fears deeply the machinations of otherworldly beings' minds and the power they hold over his friends. He'd much prefer dealing with forces controlled by his own self, so that when a spell backfires comically he only has himself to blame. 

But all things considered, he's glad to see H is still alive and seemingly doing better than ever. He looks fine, happy and more confident than the last time he saw him - the way he stands and moves more firm, more secure, filling his space in a way the Hbomb of some time ago wouldn't have. 

It's nice to see him like this. 

What isn't nice is the way his increased confidence leads him to suggest how good of an idea it would be for him to take part into the tournament. Which is a horrible idea. 

"Listen, I know I am banned from playing again-" H starts, arms spread open with a mischievous grin on his face. Scott has sudden flashbacks to all the times he'd seen that grin from the other side of the battlefield and shakes his head firmly before pointing a stern finger at his chest.

"You still have a year before you can." 

H huffs, shoulders falling, and he adopts the most fake-innocent expression Scott has ever seen. 

"But I'm just here to say hi!" Scott levels him with a blank stare, using all of his willpower and internal strength to avoid bursting out laughing. Because for all that his friend's expression is hilarious, this is really no laughing matter. He can't have him win again. 

"I said what I said." H's head hits the desk with a groan of protest. 

On the other side of the table, Scott pinches his own arm in order not to laugh. 

He fails.

H still manages to pout his way into getting a free room to stay in for a while - just like the old times, come on! - and seems to be alright with being left to his own devices for the rest of the morning. 

Knowing him, he'll take it as the perfect chance to snoop around, make new friends and bother the tournament's contestants. 

As Scott turns back to his schematics, the only thing he does is chuckle to himself. 

[jay-m3]

Death Note x Male Reader

Warning: read at your own risk. Will contain smut, manipulation, homophobia and so much more.

The class is so boring! I already know English, ugh… You sighed, watching as the teacher goes on and on about God. You look at the book in front of you and trace over the letters to keep you busy. “Listen to the voice of God then follow it and know that in time you will find your salvation.” The teacher reads the line that you're tracing. If God was real...will people change their behavior? You thought, shrugging your shoulders. You’ll find out once you're dead. “Yagami, are you still with us?” You look over your shoulder to see your best friend being called out. “Can you please translate the following sentence into English.” You cover your mouth to hide your snort and quickly look back to the book, not wanting to be called out. Light is smart, no question asked but sometimes you always see him in la-la land these past couple of months. He might be going through the stage like every teen has where they are stressed and anxious about what to do next with their lives since this is their last year here in this dump. Like you! Your anxiety has risen since you don’t know what can come next and if you can make it in this cruel twisted world but thankfully, Light has got your back and has been helping you sort out your life. 

You want to do that too with Light but...he never lets you in. Even if you were best friends since kids, it’s hard to get the boy to talk about his feelings. You know that it isn’t the ‘what’s next in life’ since you know that he wants to be like his dad in joining the police. If it’s not that then what’s bothering him? Is it about his sexuality? He came out to you three months ago that he’s bisexual. It’s hard to accept your true self and sometimes figuring out what you like and are is very difficult. Nothing is easy. Hell, when you came out to Light a year ago, you thought that you were Pan or bi. It’s been rough but you finally know that you’re gay. It’s hard when you came out to Light but you put your trust in him and now you're glad you did since he was accepting and he also came out to you! 

___

“What is that big brain of yours thinking about?” You gave your toothy smile at the tall brown-haired boy. “Huh? Oh nothing, just hungry.” Light smiles at you, his hand rubs his stomach. You nod your head and point at him. “You got it! I’ll buy us something in the cafeteria then, be right back.” You take out your wallet and start to make your way to the cafeteria. You will do anything in your power to make him happy as much as he makes you happy. Quickly getting the food you run to Light who puts something in his bag. “Hey, whatcha got there?” “That was fast, (Y/N).” He says grabbing the chips and water bottle that you got for him. “Hey, don’t distract me. I see you be sneaky and I want in! Is it money?” You both make your way out of the school gates. “Oh, I just found a notebook. Nothing special.” “Bet. Must be someone’s dairy...is it mine?” Light laughs at your joke and shakes his head. “I’ll show you when we get to my house.”

___

“You should start learning how to drive Light. I can’t be your taxi all the time.” You lock your car once Light and yourself get out. “Not my fault you turned 18 first.” ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t sweat it. It’s probably the one thing that I can beat you with, Mr. smartass.” You both walk into the Yagami household. “I’m home!” Light calls out. Both of you head to Light’s room and you shut the door and look over to Light to see him take out a notebook with ‘Death Note’ written across it. “Okay, that’s something else.” You say sitting down on his neat clean bed. “Yeah, wait till you know what it says inside of it.”

“...if someone does write a name in that book, does that make them a murderer?” You ask rereading the text carefully, flipping the pages. “No way. Either way, it’s probably a dumb prank.” You nod, giving back the cool looking notebook and grab your bag. “Welp, I gotta go home. I have to be there before my mom chews me out for not taking out the trash this morning.” You say, giving Light a hug. 

___

“Tell your family I said hi.” You called out to Light who nods and closes your car’s door. You watch him get inside and start making your way to your work. It’s nothing special but you love it since it's self employed and you love the outdoors. You get out of your car and park it and make your way to a customer’s front door. Knocking, you can hear a dog barking inside and the owner trying to shush it. You smooth down your shirt when the door opens and you see a female with a German Shepherd on a leash. “Hi, here is Lady and I’ll pay you once you return her like always.” She smiles and gives you the leash. “Like always.” You repeat and start making your way to the next house. Being a dog walker has it’s up and down like any other job. But being around the animals gives you peace and watching people go up to you to ask if they can pet them always brings a smile to your face. It’s nice having human interactions other than your family and the Yagami family. Having six dogs always overwhelms you but it gets you paid well. Stopping in front of a shop that has TV's stacked on each other with sound. You unzip your bag and pull out two water bottles and four plastic water bowls, once you get the dogs settled down, you look at the TV's to see that it was the news. 

"The same assailant who attacked 6 people at a busy shopping district in Shinjuku yesterday has struck again, taking 8 people hostage at this daycare center. His captives include both children and teachers. The police have now identified the suspect as 42-years-old Kuro Otoharada, currently unemployed. We expect negotiations to begin immediately." 

Wow, I wonder how this is going to turn out. You tune in more.

"At the present time, that’s all the police are telling us." Newscaster 1 informs.

"You can’t help but feel concerned for the safety of those hostages." Newscaster 2

"You’re absolutely right. We’ll continue to monitor the situation from here." Newscaster 1

"Thank you for that report. What do you make of this, Mr. Hashimoto?" Newscaster 2

"Well, one can only hope for a quick resolution to this situation." Mr. Hashimoto

I hope everyone turns out okay…

"Wait, we’re seeing something here! Looks like there’s movement at the front entrance!" Newscaster 2

"The hostages are coming out, and they all look to be unharmed! The Special Forces are taking action; they're moving in! We don't know if the suspect's been arrested. Huh?... Yes?... Ok, we now have confirmation. The suspect has been found dead inside! I repeat the suspect is now dead!" Newscaster 1 informs. 

“Oh, shit…” You mumbled out, watching on. The whole thing intrigued you but you snap out of it when the dogs start pulling you away. All you could think about how karma bit him back. What a coincidence, really. 

___

You quickly dodge other students from left to right. You’re sure you're not late for cram school because you set the timer on your radio earlier so you can meet up with Light but like always, you’re a little behind in time. Light wanted to talk to you, and said it’s important. ‘ASAP’ his text read which he only uses with you since your ass knows English. Finally seeing the door to your classroom, you sigh in relief and quickly get in, which was a bad idea since you bumped into one of the schools bully, Sudou. You instantly recoil in fear but kept your head held high. “Sorry.” You mumble out, not even looking at him, even if he cursed at your stupidity. One of the advantages of being best friends with the top student that’s also popular with everyone is that no one really messes with you and acts all buddy with you to get a chance to speak with Light. It’s a curse and a blessing. 

You make your way to Light’s desk since the class hasn’t started. You stood in front of it with a sheepish smile when you noticed that he watched the whole commotion. “If he dies, will anyone miss him?” Light mumbles to you which has you scrunching your face in confusion. That was a weird quest-OH! The notebook. Snorting you play along. Leaning close to his face, you whispered, “You shouldn’t kill people you know. You’ll get busted for sure.” Light doesn’t say anything. You don’t say anything. A second goes by and you both start to chuckle. Your (e/c)  eyes catch his brown eyes and there’s a glint of life in them. Oh, how you missed that special look. It’s been a while. Your face is close to his… You could feel the warmth rising on your cheeks. Your breath falters and the speed of your heart increases. You knew that you have a crush on Light. You don’t know when it started, you just embraced it. It’s stupid really, you know that Light will never see you like that so you never opened your heart to him. The crush was big but now you can easily ignore it since you trained yourself to quickly exterminate feelings for one. It’s just part of being gay. Falling for people that you shouldn’t. Finding someone else gay is an accomplishment, finding someone that’s gay and have feelings for them is amazing and rare. Especially here in Japan but hopefully it will get better. You only had one relationship with a guy and that was the hardest to maintain since your both were closeted. You’re still in the closet sadly, you want to tell your mother who you really are. 

Light Yagami, the boy that befriended you when you moved here. The boy that found you heartbroken when your ex-boyfriend dumped you. The boy that excepted you when you came out and also told you he’s bisexual. The boy that was there for you when your father and brother got murdered. The boy...Why is he getting closer? Light leans close to your ear. His hot breath tickling your exposed skin which sends a shiver down your spine. “It worked.” His voice low and raspy, which gets your blood pumping when he tries to whisper-wait. “What worked?” You stood straight, tilting your head in confusion. “Kurou Otocharada.” He says which has you reeling back in memories of today and finally connected the dots from the man that died to the conversation you two have been talking about. Your mouth instantly dropped and you look at Light wide-eyed. His eyes bore into your soul like he’s expecting something, your reaction of course. You know that he knows he reads others well by what he knows. He knew you for years and he knows how you react from stuff that he imprinted in his head. This is no different. “How...I want to see.” You slowly say. He was about to say something until the teacher walked in. “Everyone, sit down in your seats.”

You tapped twice on Light's desk with your forefinger. A sign that you both came up with as a secret code for; later, yes, be quiet and your favorite, I’m so gay. The last one, of course, is from you. Light only agreed because it amused him when you both go somewhere and get served by a hot dude when you both decide to eat out. You went to your assigned seat and glanced at Light to see him tap his own forefinger twice. You guess it's either later as conformation or to be quiet. Quickly, you turn your attention back to the front. Light already knows you, you know what Light expects from you. Of course, you will be quiet. 

___

“I’m still in a space in my mind where I can’t believe it.” You say, walking next to Light to a convenience store. “To be honest with you, I’m the same. I need to know if yesterday was a coincidence or not.” Light sighs out, slowing down his pace since your short legs can’t keep up. You can’t help but swallow a lump in your throat that just formed. Is he really thinking to use that thing to actually see if it’s real? If it is then, what’s next? You look at Light from the corner of your eyes and breathe in a shaky breath. Light trusted you by letting you know what he thinks happened yesterday. He trusts you, you should trust him also. “Same.”

“Hey, baby where are you going?” You and Light both glance at a man on his motorcycle with his peers bothering a woman. Light nudges you to the door and you quickly walk in. You split from Light to go to the chip aisle and guiltily pick out your chips. You wish you can help that lady out but the guy has his gang around him. Even if one person steps up, no one will follow. That’s how bad the world is. “Takuo look out!” You quickly look up and see a truck hitting the guy that was molesting the girl at full speed. You gasp and drop the chips and make your way to Light that was standing in front of the magazine aisle. You look over at Light to see his surprise and shocked face. His hands gripping the Death note. Your heart dropped and your breathing came out labored. 

___

“What a nice surprise! I wasn't expecting you home so early.” Light’s mom greeted her son once he stepped into their house.  Light smiles at his mom, the memory of (Y/N) having his family car for the night instead of his mother came to mind. “Yeah. Hi mom, it’s because…huh?” When his mother extended her hands, Light knew what she wanted. “Oh, the results of the nationwide exams.” Light pulls his bag in front of him to fish it out. “I’ve been waiting all day.” She says, excited to see what her brilliant son brought to the household. “Here. (Y/N) says hi by the way.” Light gives his exam scores to his mother and starts making his way to his room. “Goodness! Number one again! These are the highest scores you’ve had. Is it because you started to study with (Y/N) so much?” His mom asks, even though she knows the answer. The last couple of days (Y/N) spent so much time with Light to study and she would hear them, more like (Y/N), laugh. “Yeah. I'm going to study in my room so please don't interrupt me, ok?” Light says, heading up the stairs. “Where is (Y/N)?” Light turns to his mother and tells her, “He took the car to cram school and his mother called she was needed in the hospital for a shift so she needed the car fast.” And with that, he went inside his room and locked the door. 

He immediately grabs the Death Note, grabs a pen and starts writing names down. For a while, he stops and starts to examine the names he has written and starts to laugh. He can’t believe he holds something so surreal. “You’ve taken quite a liking to it.” Light looks behind him and instantly yells and falls down when his eyes meet with a monster. “No reason to act surprised. I am Shinigami, Ryuk. That used to be my notebook. Judging by your laughter, you've already figured out that what you have is no ordinary notebook.” Ryuk, the Shinigami says, watching the human in front of him stand to his full height. “Shinigami, God of death, huh? Well, I’m not surprised. In fact...Ryuk, I’ve been waiting for you.” Light gets up from the floor. “Oh?” Ryuk gave a surprised face, watching the human with interest. “I've already figured out that this Death Note that I've found is real. It didn't take me long. And now that I've witnessed the proof of its power, I only feel more confident in what I'm gonna do.” Light says, taking in the Shinigami in. He never has seen a God of Death. “That's interesting. I certainly wasn't expecting this. Several Death Notes have made their way into the human world in the past, but you're the first to have written this many names. Look at how many people you’ve killed in only five days. Most are reluctant to write this much.” As Ryuk says this, Light is thinking of a male that has pointed out many things about the Death Note. ”I've already prepared myself, Ryuk. I used the notebook even though I knew it belonged to a Shinigami, and now that Shinigami has come. So what will happen to me? You're here to take my soul, right?” 

“Hmm, what do you mean? Is that some fantasy you humans came up with? I'm not gonna do anything to you. The notebook becomes part of the human realm from the very moment it touches the earth. In other words, the notebook is now yours.” Ryuk explains, looking at Light Yagami's lifespan. “This...is mine?” Light asks, surprised that the Death Note is starting to get his life more interesting. “If you don't want it, just give it to someone else. But if you give it away, I'd have no choice but to erase your memories of the notebook.” Light scoffs in his head, who will give up a Death Note? Even if he did, Light knows no one to carry out his plans. (Y/N) might be a choice if Light was there to push him. He knows the other male will follow his lead. “So, then, you're saying I can use the Death Note all I want and I won't be punished?”

“Let's just say this, you will feel the fear and pain known only to humans who have used the notebook. And when it's your time to die, it will fall on me to write your name in my Death Note. Be warned, any human who's used a Death Note can neither go to heaven nor hell for eternity. That's all. Now you have something to look forward to after you die.” Ryuk laughs at the end, knowing well how humans have died. A knock sounded behind the door to his bedroom and Light let out a confirmation that he heard the other person. “Light?” His mother calls him. Light looks at Ryuk to try and figure out how to hide the 8 foot Shinigami. Apparently, Ryuk saw the annoyed look that the human had on his face. “It’ll be alright. Answer it.” Ryuk eggs on, watching as Light slowly makes it to the door. “What is it?” Light asks, making sure that the door isn’t open enough to see the death god in his room. 

“I thought you'd like some apples the neighbors brought them over for us. Why on earth is it so dark in your room? You'll ruin your eyesight.” Light looks over his shoulder in surprise. What’s going on? Mom can’t see him? He didn’t say anything, just grabbed the basket of apples from his mother and shut the door. He places the apples down and sits down on his chair by the computer while watching the shinigami examining the apples. “That notebook you found originally belonged to me, and since you're now using it, you are the only one able to see me, and of course, my voice can only be heard by you. In other words, the Death Note is the bond between Light, the human and Ryuk, the Shinigami.” Ryuk takes a big bite out of the delicious smelling fruit. “Yum.” He says, tasting the juices exploding in his mouth. Light looks at the notebook that was on his desk. 

“I just have one more question I wanna ask you. Why was I chosen for this?” Light looks back at the tall figure only to see Ryuk shoving down more apples down his throat. “Hey, are you even listening?” Light’s jaw clenches. “Apples in the human world are worth the trip. What's the best way to describe these? Juicy?” Ryuk mumbles out, more to himself. “Just answer my question.” Light asks, well more like demands. Scoffing, Ryuk looks at the human, “I didn't choose you. Don't you see? This is all just an accident. You actually thought you were chosen because you're so smart or something? Don't be so vain. It just happened to fall around here, and you just happened to pick it up. And that's all there is to it. That's why I wrote the instructions in English, the most popular language in the human world.” “Then why did you drop it in the first place? You even wrote down specific instructions, so don't try telling me this was an accident!” 

“You're asking me why? I did it 'cause I was bored.” Ryuk answers, not bothered by the human’s anger, more like amused. “You were bored?” Light deadpans, bothered by the shinigami's truth. The mind of the human racks for an answer but all in all, boredom leads to two different things. Happiness or depression. “The truth is Shinigami haven't got much to do these days. Most of the time we're either taking naps or gambling. If you take the time to write names in your Death Note, the others just laugh at you for working so hard. Even if you wrote the name of another Shinigami, it'd be pointless because they wouldn't die. And since we live in the Shinigami Realm, it brings us no amusement to kill those in the human world either. So I figured I'd have more fun if I came down here myself. Anyway, I'm surprised at how many names you've written, but I wanna know why you only wrote the cause of death for that guy who was hit by the truck.”

“If you don't write down the cause of death, the victim dies of a heart attack, and that's probably the best thing about the Death Note, Ryuk. You see, I've already exhausted the list of the world's major criminals, and eventually, I'm going to get rid of them all.” Light answers the Shinigami, not only for the guy that was hit by the truck but for all the names that he written down in the Death Note. “What's the point of doing that?” Ryuk questions, eating all this information up in his mind. “It's only a matter of time before people figure out that these criminals are being eliminated by someone. I want the world to know of my existence. That there's someone passing righteous judgement on the wicked!” Light can feel excitement pass through his body once more. The adrenaline kicking in. “Why even bother? What are you trying to achieve by passing judgement on them? I mean, why do you care?” Ryuk questions further, who knew watching a human do something passionate be so entertaining? “Because… I've been bored too. I wasn't ready to believe it at first, but it's obvious now. There's something about the Death Note itself that makes humans want to try it out at least once.” Light starts to have memories of all the times he just watched people do horrible things. How a boy by the name of (Y/n) got bullied because of his race. 

-Flash back after Taruo’s death-

He remembers how (Y/n) pulls him out of the store and into an alleyway. His mind whirling with thoughts. His body was in a state of shock of not only just the guy that was harassing the lady but also the guy that was holding hostages. “I killed them both. I really… I killed two men.” He mumbles out, leaning on (Y/n) for support. “I...it worked.” (Y/n) mumbles out, disbelief written on his face. “Those were human lives, Light! You can go to jail!” (Y/n) gasps out, letting Light lean onto the wall behind him so he can ground himself. It won't be overlooked. Besides, who am I to pass judgement on others? Uhh… no, no wait. Maybe I'm wrong. This is exactly what I've been thinking about lately. Light thinks, looking over at a shaking 18 year old. “This world is rotting, and those who are making it rot deserve to die.” Light says, getting the attention of the smaller male. “What are you talking about Light?” “Someone has to do it, so why not me?” Light straightens out, catching his breath from the adrenaline coursing through his body. “Light, this is…” He can see the other thinking it over. Can see the fear in his eyes. He doesn’t want to see that. “You're sacrificing your mind and soul!” (Y/n) whisper yells, looking at the alley's exit, in case someone hears. “It’s worth it.” Light spits out, watching the fear of the older decrease. “Because the world can't go on like this.” Light ends the conversation, watching the fear clear from his friends eyes and something new awakens Light when the fear gets replaced by amazement. 

-Flash back in the classroom-

I've wondered… what if someone else picked up this notebook. Light scans the room, watching teens his age talking to each other. Is there anyone out there, other than me, who would be willing to eliminate the vermin from the world? If I don't do it, then who will? His eyes land on his childhood friend who gets up from his seat and makes his way over to Light. The (e/c) eyed male slips a piece of paper on his desk, leaning close to Light so no one can see them. He turns over the paper to show letters that form words. Toki Kark… Realization crosses Light’s eyes and he looks over at the short male in front of him. This person is the one that killed (Y/n)’s father and younger brother.

-Flash back in Light’s room-

Both Light and (Y/n) look at the notebook. Both came in here without any conversation. Slowly, Light picks up a pen and writes down, ‘Toki Kark’. He lays down the pen and both pairs of eyes tune on to Light's watch that you gave him for his birthday. That's just it; there's no one, but I can do it. After a minute passes by, Light looks at (Y/n) who has tears running down his cheeks. The older boy gets up from Light’s bed and gets on his knees in front of Light. Hands gripping Light’s thigh, (Y/n)’s eyes met with Light’s. “Thank you, Light… I owe you my life.” The boy whispers out, bowing at the taller man’s feet. I'm the only one who can. I'll do it, using the Death Note, I'll change the world.

-Flash back ends-

“At first, I wrote the names of the worst criminals I could think of. Like I was cleaning up the world, one name at a time, so that eventually no one will ever do anything evil again. And while the truly guilty ones who deserve to be punished for their crimes die of heart attacks, the people who are less guilty but who still make trouble for others will slowly be erased through disease and accidental death. Then and only then the world will start moving in the right direction. It'll be a new world, free of injustice, and populated by people who I've judged to be honest, kind, and hardworking.” Light explains, closing the Death Note. A shiver runs down his back, remembering how good it felt to see (Y/n) on his knees, hope in his eyes looking at him. No one else, but him. “But if you did that, it would make you the only bad person left.” Ryuk counters, watching a gleam cross over the human’s face. “Huh? I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm a hard working honor student considered to be one of Japan's best and brightest. And I… I will become the God of this New World.”

It's just as I thought, humans are so interesting. Ryuk chuckles to himself. 

[teamdoubleoh]

Boothroyd was Q’s Grandfather

vaguely (sorry) based on this post by @tamquamm and @spiritofcamelot s request. Also infused is @caffeinatedflummadiddlebutmerlin​ s gender fluid merlin, though I didn’t ask If I could use the concept, sorry.

pt. 1/2                                                                                                    wordcount: 3533                                                                                            unbeta:ed (And written by someone who can’t spell for shite in any language.)

Q has heard all about MI6 from his grandfather, Gregory, also known as Major Boothroyd. Bond’s predecessor as 007 used to annoy Boothroyd to no end so when Q meets Bond he finds himself unable to resist making one or three references to his grandfathers work at MI6. The older Minions are in on it, the younger ones think it’s hilarious and Bond thinks Q is very pretty when he smiles so he won’t ask what the hell is going on, as long as it makes Q happy.

TLTR: Q is a Holmes, the Minions treat quotes from Boothroyd like vines, Eve is a genius and Bond is in love. They get drunk, and Bond learns about Q and his family.

(This developed from a 500-word Drabble to a 3.6k monstrosity. Also Q is a Holmes and has a fourth sibling.)

When Bond had first met Q he’d still been unaccustomed to the name Q in reference to the Quartermaster. For as long as he’d been an agent the Quartermaster had been Major Gregory Boothroyd, who had been referred to by most agents as Major Boothroyd.

This had made calling the new Quartermaster Q very easy, and even though Bond liked to let of snarky remarks about Q’s age, he was well aware that Boothroyd would have never appointed anyone as R who wasn’t perfectly fit to take over as Quartermaster at any given time. And yet James had thought that this new Quartermaster would be someone who wasn’t used to the antics of agents or at least the double-oh’s and thus easier to irritate. He was wrong.

At First he had thought it coincidence.

Q had sat next to him in the national gallery, made a comment about the inevitability of time and handed him his equipment. Then, just as he was about to leave, he had reminded Bond to return the equipment in one piece.

There had been something in his eyes Bond couldn’t quite place - but it came close to a look he know from his missions - something in the eyes of someone who had just fooled everyone in a game of poker to go all in, only to reveal a royal flush.

James had dismissed it, had thought he’d interpreted too much into a single look. He should have known better, of course there had been something. Saying these words had meant more to Q than the pride of being the Quartermaster of MI6 could rectify. He had smiled his tight little smile and his eyes had shone with pure mirth.

It had happened again and again; pieces of dialogue between him and Q that seemed to light the Quartermaster up.

Once he had been going over the speed limit while on mission; not an irregular occurrence, sure, but for some reason Q had seemed delighted when he reminded Bond that he had a licence to kill, not to break the traffic laws. Bond had hesitated momentarily and answered that, yes he was aware. The pure satisfaction Q had radiated when he said »Good!« Had been clearly audible over com. So had been R’s snort in the background.

Another time they’d been standing in Q branch and Q had begrudgingly handed James a ›class four grenade‹, whatever that meant. James had been delighted to find that it looked very much like an ordinary pen and made a witty comment about how the pen was mightier than the sword. Q had smiled as he reminded Bond that that was now in fact the case and that James had to thank Q for that. James had smiled flirtily. »Did you just make joke Q?«

Q just shook his head in something that seemed to be a combination of genuine distress and mirth. »I never joke about my work 007.«

At least two senior minions had trouble to stifle their laughs while one of the new ones working nearby just grinned for the remainder of Bond’s stay in Q-Branch.

Since it was common knowledge that basically anything in Q-brach was deadly -  including any and all personnel - many of the A-list Agents and most of the double-oh’s were very careful when it came to touching things. The only double-oh who seemingly forgot this every time he appeared before and after missions was, of course, 007. He had the potentially fatal habit to pick up whatever was in his reach to twirl it around or trow it in the air.

One particular time he’d just put down a poisoned ring when he’d set eyes on a brown paper bag that looked innocent enough to him. When he went to pick it up Q turned around, lightning fast, and pulled the bag from his hands exclaiming loudly, »DON’T TOUCH THAT! That’s my lunch!« to the obvious amusement of everyone in the vicinity.

Whenever James said something remotely illogical, immature or not well thought out, Q immediately quipped »Oh, grow up 007«. After three weeks of this the phrase had become something of an inside joke between the minions and Bond, and even he could appreciate it, even though he didn’t quite understood why it was that funny.  

Bond only figured it out after Eve had invited him to one of her and Q’s monthly movie nights, though there was more drinking than movie watching.

***

They’d met at Q’s flat because it was located more or less exactly between Bond’s and Moneypenny’s. It was cozy and reasonably small, but not cluttered.  The living room was not very lived in, which made sense to James when he considered Q’s working habits, but well furnished.

There was a worn couch that could hold all three of them if they squeezed, as well as an armchair and a wooden coffee table. Next to two bookcases there was a drawer that was probably supposed to hold silverware and tablecloths but the bottom drawer was pulled open and filled to the brim with scraps and bits of old tech.

Much more interesting was what Q had placed on top of the drawer. There were photos. Photos of the Quartermaster, some of him alone with different diplomas, some together with others or groups of people.

To James’ amazement one showed Q standing next to Mycroft Holmes. Bond had been introduced once, by his M, who hadn’t actually mentioned what Holmes did - only that he was basically everyone’s superior and also on speaking terms with the Royal family.

Another picture displayed a black door adorned with golden letters, telling the passing crowd that this was number 221b. In front stood an old lady with two younger men behind her. One of them was Sherlock Holmes, Bonds realised, the genius detective who’d killed himself a few years back. The other, Bond recognised from his army days as one lieutenant John Watson. Next to the old lady there was the Quartermaster, bespectacled and wearing one of his cardigans.

One photo, at least twenty years old, displayed a younger version of M, Olivia Mansfield, next to a stern looking woman in a emerald green gown, that looked like it came straight from the late 19. hundreds, a woman that could only be described as ›motherly‹ and the woman from the picture with the detective.

The most recent picture was probably the one of the royal wedding. Bond remembered reading about it in a paper he’d nicked from a minions desk on his way to the airport. The crown prince Arthur Pendragon had caused a worldwide uproar when he’d announced he was not only bisexual but also planning to wed one Myrdinn Holmes.

The picture that stood in the very front showed a younger version of Q and Major Boothroyd. Q was standing behind Boothroyd’s motorised wheelchair in the old Q-Branch, the one that Silva had blow up, and both were smiling brightly at the camera.

Bond turned to Q who was setting down glasses on a small couch table.

»You and Boothroyd. You were close, weren’t you?« James asked softly.

Q hesitated before stepping next to Bond. He picked up the frame and showed Bond the backside where someone had written ›Q and Q - the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’

James turned to look at Q. He know how the Quartermaster looked, he had spent enough time staring at him when Q wasn’t looking but only now he noticed how similar Q and Boothroyd had been, both in complexion and behaviour.

»He was your grandfather. I’m... sorry for your loss« James stated.

»Who?« Moneypenny asked. She had appeared in the doorway to the small kitchen, holding a bottle of some alcoholic beverage in hand, which she had apparently opened already.

»Boothroyd.« James answered quietly.

Q smiled, the nostalgia in his voice barely concealed »He used to tell me stories about MI6, when I was little. About his work and the agents.«

»Did he tell you about what a great agent I was?« Bond smirked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

»By the time you were a double-oh I was already working for MI6, unofficially I mean. He told me about 007 - your predecessor that is. It was a joke between him and me, you know? The ›grow up 007‹. We would make wagers about how often he could get away with saying it to 007 before he got suspicious.«

Moneypenny snorted a little.

Q smiled his brilliant smile at her, melancholy all but forgotten now. »He told be about you, too. Said you were brilliant. He always wanted to make a bet about how you would be M some day. I never accepted because I knew he was right.«

Moneypenny put her head to one side. »I was still an agent back then…«

Q only shrugged. »He said you were too good to be an agent.«

Moneypenny blushed lightly and smiled happily. »Sounds like he was a good grandfather.«

Bond grinned. »Sounds like he was just like Q.«

Q turned to the coffee table to pour three glasses of what appeared to be Bombay sapphire and gave James and Eve one each. »You’re both right. Now, what movie shall we get drunk to?«

***

Three hours later they were sprawled on top of each other across the seating accommodations.

The only source of light was a small lamp, standing atop the drawer, which emitted a warm, candle like light.

Eve had called dibs on the armchair ages ago, eying Q and James with barely hidden mirth.

After two hours of drinking she’d picked up the framed photo of the royal wedding and waxed about the beauty of the crown princes sister, while Q and James smiled, already too intoxicated to mind the terrible puns and metaphors comparing the duchess’s hair to the night sky and her eyes to stars. In a final motion of grandeur she’d remarked that the lady looked like she could kill anyone, just by staring them down.

After half an hour she’d put the frame back and hadn’t said a thing for at least thirty minutes before exclaiming in a fit of something that Q could only call euphoria, »R is Q’s second in command because R comes after Q in the alphabet!«

Then she’d closed her eyes and started snoring softly.

Q, who had given up trying to keep his distance from James on the tiny couch and instead had now sprawled out on top of the other man like a drunk blanket, had only murmured »Bloody hell« before refraining from saying anything more and staring at the ceiling in silent contemplation instead.

Bond was silent. There was a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest that could have been caused by alcohol as much as by the adorable idiot that had chosen him as his mattress and was now studying the ceiling.

Bond turned his head, slowly, as not to disturb Q, to look at the picture of Q and Boothroyd - Q’s grandfather - on the drawer next to the couch.

»Did you know M? Olivia Mansfield?« He asked softly.

Q turned his face towards the drawer too. »Why else would I keep her picture?« His answer had been barely a murmur but the voice was right next to James’s ear.

James snorted softly. »You can’t tell me you know everyone in these Photos Q.«

»You’re adorable.«Q smiled lazily against Bonds chest.

Bonds heartbeat quickened the slightest bit. »Q. You do know there is a photo of Mycroft Holmes on your drawer.«

Q wiggled a bit so he could see the frames without rearranging his vertebrae and frowned slightly. »Why wouldn’t I know Mycroft?«

Bond wanted to shrug, but Q sounded like he was almost asleep. » M - my M - introduced me once. Told me he was her superior. Said he was friends with the Royal family.« He paused for a second, before continuing »She also told me to never, ever, piss him off.«

»She knew you well, huh?«

»S’pose so.«

»Granperé told Mycroft about you too.«

»Boothroyd told Mycroft Holmes about me?«

»’Told him about all agents.« Q corrected.

Bond smiled about the absurdity. »Your Grandfather spied at MI6 for Mycroft Holmes?«

» ’course. So do I« Q slurred, before snuggling closer to James’ chest.

»Why? He’s Mycroft Holmes. ’s not like he needs outside support now, does he?«

»Outside?«

»Y’know, not family.«

»Boothroyd was Mycroft’s family, Bond.«

James chocked on air. »You’re related to Holmes? What, s’ he your uncle?«

»Don’t be daft Bond, I’m not related to a Holmes- «

»Could you stop calling me Bond all the time?«

»If you stop interrupting me I will. I’m not related to a Holmes, I am a Holmes.«

» You’re a Holmes… Mycroft Holmes is your cousin.«

»Brother.«

»…Ah.«

Q found that he was almost asleep, which was a feat in itself, considering where he was currently located.

Then James spoke up again. »That’s how you now the royal family then? Through Mycroft?«

»Why the royal family?«

»You have a picture of the royal wedding framed Q. Although I s’pose keeping a picture of your brother and your former Boss is slightly different from keeping picture of the Pendragon family, even if you were introduced. Hadn’t taken you for a royalist, Dear Quartermaster.«

»My former Boss?«

»M, Q. Olivia Mansfield?«

»Oh yeah. I don’t keep her picture because she w’s my boss.«

» ’Thought you only kept pictures of people you knew.«

»Actually not true. ’only keep pictures of Fam’ly.«

»You’re related to M?« Bond had known M had had children, but not much else.

»My mothers sister. One of the four Ms.« Q giggled like he’d made a formidable joke.

»Your’ aunt’s and mother’s names all start with M?« James asked, a smile on his lips.

» ’course not, James. You know M’s name was Olivia. They all grew up to be M though.«

Q reached out to grab the picture displaying M and what apparently were her sisters but failed.

James picked it up and handed it to Q, who turned so he faced the ceiling again and pointed at M to explain.

»You know Olivia Mansfield, born Holmes, who was called M for her position in MI6.«

He pointed at the woman who James had dubbed ›motherly‹ upon first glance a few hours back. »This is my mother. Her name is Violet Holmes. She kept her last name when she married my father but no one calls her Violet of even Mrs. Holmes. Everyone just calls her Mummy. Mycroft started it when we were kids and it stuck. This is her older sister, Minerva,« Q pointed out the stern looking woman. »She’s Headmistress in a… private school up north… well. And this is Martha, the youngest. She got married too, but Mr. Hudson did some illegal stuff on the other side of the pond and got himself on death trail. Martha asked Sherlock for help, of course. Now she lives in London again. Thus the four Ms; Minerva, Mummy, M and Martha.« Q trailed off.

James picked up the photo of the woman he now knew as Martha Hudson in front of the door and showed it to Q, pointing out the short man standing behind her left shoulder. »John Watson, right? I know him. Used to know him, I mean, in the army.«

»Hasn’t been a Watson in some time though. Goes by John Watson-Holmes now. ’S my brother in law.«

»Mycroft is married?« James asked softly. ›Mycroft is gay?‹ went unsaid.

»He’s married, alright. Not to John mind you, but Lestrade. His first name is Greg, but everyone ’cept Mycroft calls him Lestrade. Gregory Lestrade-Holmes is quite a mouthful, so we collectively decided to go with the easier option.« Q grinned lazily.

James blinked a few times. Now Q had lost him. »’Thought you said John was you brother-in-law?«

»I have more than one sibling, James. John is married to Sherlock, my second brother.«

» Thought I lost you back there for a mo’. How are you related to the Pendragons then? You in line for the throne or s’mthing?« James joked.

Q laughed for a few glorious seconds before catching his breath. » Yes, very funny James.«

»You said you only kept photos of your family Q,« James answered with fake outrage. »And now I have to find out you’re not actually related to Royalty?«

»Don’t be silly James, I know what I said. And technically I am related to them, though only by marriage. Hand me the photo of the wedding and I'll show you.«

James complied happily. »I have to say Q. After the confusion with your brothers I am now genuinely interested how you could possibly complicate this further.«

Q let out a stifled groan. He pointed out the few familiar faces out of the crowd of nobility behind them. While the nobles kept in the back the King stood in the middle of the picture, right behind the happy couple. To Arthurs right there was his sister, smiling happily at her brother, who only had eyes for his husband. »It’s not that bad. Let me show you. This is the king, as I hope you realise. These are his children Morgana also known as Eve’s long-time crush and -.«

»I know you think me a fool Q, but I do recognise the King of the country I have sworn my life to.« James smiled while shaking his head in disbelief.

Q groaned. »Oh shush James. If you’re so knowledgable, why don’t you tell me who these people are and save me the effort, hm?«

James mentally shrugged. There were only four people in Britain who were actually royals at the moment and he knew their names. After all, he had legally died for one of them.

He pointed at each person as he went along. » This is, as you have so graciously explained dear Q, the King, Uther Pendragon, whom I coincidentally happen to have sworn my life too. Then there’s the crown prince, Arthur Pendragon, who I will pledge my life to should I mysteriously manage to outlive the King. This one is the lovely lady who Eve has the undeniable crush on. Huh.« He pulled the framer closer. »She really does look like she could kill me. Name’s Morgana Pendragon, illegitimate daughter to the king. I believe she a duchess but I couldn’t tell you her title if my life depended on it.«

»If it’s any consolation, I don’t know it either.« Q quipped.

James rolled his eyes fondly. »I thought you wanted to save your breath, Q.«

Q only let out a ›tsk‹ noise, so James returned to his explanation. »And that is the crown prince’s husband, of whom I only know because I nicked a newspaper from Q-Branch on my way to the airport. Should both Uther and Arthur die before me I would pledge my life to him too, I suppose.« James mused. »His name is Myrdinn Pendragon. I’m sorry to admit I don’t know his title though.«

»He goes by ›prince consort‹. Now, you see who that is standing in the far left corner, right behind the lady so-and-so?«

»Is that…Mummy?«

»Hm hm. That next to her is my father. If you squint you can even see me, right next to Mummy. I was wearing a suit, you know. Mummy confiscated all my cardigans. To my left there even are two of my siblings and their husbands.« Q seemed genuinely upset about the fact that he hadn’t been able to wear a cardigan to the royal wedding.

»Two of your siblings? You have a sister?«

»Occasionally. They’re gender fluid.« Q frowned up at James, scrunching his nose. »You do know what gender fluidity is?«

»I’m an agent, I know about people. You have another sibling then?«

»’s male that day. Name ’s Merlin. He’s right there.« Q murmured, eyes fallen shut from fatigue.

James brought the picture to his face, trying to make out another figure in the crowd he now recognised as the Holmes’.

As if sensing his confusion Q looked up. »In the middle, James.«

James’ eyes darted back to the middle where the royal family stood.

For a moment it was silent.

»Q« James asked gingerly.

»Hm?« Q’s eyes had fallen shut again.

»Are you telling me your brother is married to the crown prince?«

»Sibling. Yes.«

»…Alright.«

It was quiet for another few seconds.

»Who used to be your favourite?«

»Hm?«

»You said Boothroyd used to tell you about the agents. Who was your favourite?«

»Moneypenny.« Q answered deadpan.

»Awe, you hurt me dear Q.« James put the pile of picture frames on the floor next to the couch, then he wiggled to make himself more comfortable and slung his arms around Q. »Who’s your favourite now?«

»Oh, grow up 007.« Q murmured, face pressed against Bonds chest. For a few seconds he was silent. Then Q spoke up again. »James?«

»Q.«

»Would you mind putting out the light?«

»Not at all. If you could do us all the favour and introduce Eve to your sister-in-law.«

»I’ll invite you both for Christmas at the palace.«

»You are lovely, you know that.«

»So are you. Now shut it.«

[ahoeinplainsight]

james headcanons that are important to me

- has the WORST insomnia

- never sleeps at night but always sleeping during the day

- you will never catch this boy awake in history of magic

- used to chain smoke but when he started dating lily, he stopped because he knew she didn’t like the smell of it

- sirius stopped smoking as well because he didn’t want to tempt james into smoking again

- bisexual king

- until the day he died, he would’ve been completely fine marrying sirius and even in the afterlife

- literally has the BEST friendship with sirius it’s not even funny like everybody is so jealous

- mother hen :’) 

- since he never sleeps at night, he’s always awake at the crack of dawn and is always waking the boys up with him

- “if i don’t see feet on the ground in thirty seconds, i’m opening the curtains!’

- “don’t you make me count to three, mister!”

- “sirius get out of the bathroom, peter needs to pee and he can’t hold it anymore” “you didn’t have to tell him that james!” “we’re all men here, peter, grow up and learn how to tell people you need to pee”

- super smart 

- loves the library but refuses to admit that he does

- once quoted shakespeare at lily and later, she told him it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him

- actually has really good sportsmanship

- like of course he gets super butthurt when he loses anything but he makes sure to tell the other player or players that they did a good job 

- literally the nicest asshole you’ll ever meet

- like he’ll hit your books out of your hands and then help you pick them up

- resorts to physical violence because “it gets the job done faster moony don’t lecture me”

- has punched snape before but only because he called sirius privileged and james was not having it

- has a toad at home

- never told anybody about the toad (her name is cecilia and he loves her very much) so when sirius moved in and saw the toad vibing on his window sill, he flipped his shit

- cecilia pees on sirius every time he picks her up but it never stops him

- james is sure sirius loves cecilia more than he himself does

- when remus and peter find out about cecilia, they also flip their shit

- cecilia becomes the marauders mascot

- lily finds out halfway through seventh year that they have a mascot and it’s a toad named cecilia and teases them endlessly about it

- also has a cat at home

- his name is sandwich (james named him when he was four) and he’s best friends with cecilia

- the potter family owl is named odessa (james calls her dessy) and she hates james but james loves her

- he had a crush on regulus in his fifth year and never told a soul. remus knew but didn’t say anything

- his friendship with remus :’)

- it was his idea to become animagi (he read about it in a book) and it was also his idea for the map

- he did a lot of the charm work on the map

- there were a lot of ‘hypothetical’ questions for flitwick during this time period and flitwick was all too happy to answer them

- took ancient runes and arithmancy from third year to seventh and made an O in both

- took divination in third year with sirius, remus, and peter but he was the hermione in that group

- while remus, sirius, and peter were like ‘alright i can dig it’ with divination, james was getting SO heated about it 

- for the remainder of their school career, he made sure to tell them all the flaws in divination at any chance he could

- lily was super into divination, though, just because she thought it was really interesting and there were too many instances of it being real to be counted as coincidences, and james literally almost imploded when he found this out

- when they heard the prophecy for the first time, james literally stood up and left lmao

- “i’m not believing some bullshit prophecy that tells me my son has to die at the hands of voldemort, lily!” “what if it’s not bullshit” “are you fucking shitting me right now lily”

- only agreed to go into hiding for lily 

- also took care of magical creatures from third to seventh year and also made an O in that

- when they learned about unicorns, the unicorn looked at all the girls in the class and then trotted past and stood in front of james

- james never stopped gloating about this ever

- “sorry what was that? i couldn’t hear you over the sound of being trusted by a unicorn” “a unicorn trusted me minnie why would i ever break the rules like that”

- didn’t actually mind slytherins

- was almost one himself and def wouldn’t have made a huge deal about it because euphemia was a slytherin when she went to hogwarts and he knew they weren’t all bad

- the only reason he never styled his hair was because his dad invented sleekeazy’s. that’s it, that’s the only reason. he did it to spite his dad.

- momma’s boy !!!

- until the day euphemia died, james was not embarrassed to hold her hand as they crossed the street and tell her he loved her

- could not fathom a world without his mother so when she died, he shut down for a good month and a half

- used to actually be afraid to curse

- said his first swear word in fifth year and never looked back

- “what the fiddlesticks” “for the love of all that is holy, just say fuck”

- “f-f-” “yes, you can do it” “i’m nervous”

- fleamont found out that he smoked when he was in his sixth year and he ripped him an entirely new asshole before pulling out his own cigarette and lighting it

- cannot hold his alcohol

- was drunk by the third butterbeer

- was destined to be the chill dad because his dad wasn’t

- yes you heard that right. euphemia was the chill parent. fucking deal with it.

- was an amazing liar purely because of fleamont

- like this boy could lie straight out of his ass the second he learned how to talk

- “james fleamont potter did you break this vase” “didn’t I tell you, dad? the manor’s got a poltergeist!” “we do?!”

- the manor did have a poltergeist but he didn’t know that at the time

- humble rich kid

- his house is huge but so is his heart

- sirius found out his middle name was fleamont when he moved in because fleamont yelled his full name SO often

- james hates that sirius knows his middle name

- sirius loves that he knows james’ middle name

- sirius and sandwich the cat have a silent feud going on that james fuels by privately telling both of them that they’re his favorite

- his actual favorite is cecilia

this got super long but still, feel free to add your own weird james headcanons!

[tsukishitstain]

i would like to request a matchup if that’s okay :)) i’m shido (she/her, aLmoST 18), i’m bisexual and i’m a HUGE intp (kenma and tsukki kinnie ouch), pisces sun aqua moon!! i enjoy being alone, napping, smelling good (idk why i’m weird), working out, and listening to music. i have five siblings so the being alone part doesn’t work out much lol. i’m a barista at a downtown coffee house, i love using sarcasm and reaction pics to EVERYTHING, huge dogs (i love all animals but irish wolfhounds are my fav), scary awesome storms, and cooking spicy food (i’m vegan.) i’m about 5’5, lean build with a little bit of muscle, hair dyed black green and purple, and blue-green eyes!!! my style is generally black or other dark colors. i go between wearing oversized mens clothes to wearing short skirts and knee socks, but either way its usually black. i laugh really easily and typically come off as intimidating and reserved, but when it comes to romantic partners i LOVE to care for them and show affection (verbal reassurance, playing with their hair, love letters, cuddling and back rubs, baking for them, spending $$$ on gifts or making them, planning dates and trips). my love language is a mix of physical touch and quality time. i tend to be attracted to people who like to learn, aren’t too emotional, (this is shallow sorry) have dark hair, and won’t be upset that i need alone time. (also men who are passionate and talented and PROUD OF THEMSELVES FOR THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WITHOUT BEING COCKY are sexy-) big turn offs for me are being super clingy, ANY kind of manipulative behavior, conforming to the opinions of others, and (this sounds rude i’m sorry) not being intelligent. also if they try to tell me what to do i’ll slap them <3 my ideal first date would be at home, either watching a horror movie, building a fort to nap in, or making dinner!!! i am so so sorry if this was too much or if your matchups are closed, thank you for reading all this junk!!! take care of yourself :)

omg you sound so cool we would literally be besties irl lol i had so much fun writing this!! and thank you for including so much info!! (also that last part was so sweet of you omg!!! i am taking care of myself and i hope you are too!!!) ok let’s get into it, i talk too damn much lmao

i match you with

Ushijima Wakatoshi !!!

i usually match introverts with extroverts but y’all are so compatible WHERE DO I EVEN START

how you’d meet

i’m taking advantage of the fact that you work at a coffee house (i’m a sucker for the cliche barista x character trope what can i say)

anyways you two go to school together and you know of each other but y’all don’t really interact

until he goes to a coffee shop and recognizes you

he wasn’t big on coffee...until now

and it’s okay that you come off as intimidating because it’s impossible to intimidate this man

the first time y’all talk is kinda anti climatic for the both of you

y’all are just like “don’t we go to the same school? oh cool haha anyways what can i get for you today?”

but secretly after that first interaction butterflies are forming for both of y’all

he finds himself going to get coffee more often than usual and still you two don’t really interact that much, so he’s not really sure how to approach you again yet

y’all have probably talked a few times at the shop and it’s only ever small talk like

but when he’s out jogging after school to get some fresh air and clear his mind, he sees you jogging around the same corner

his heart is beating so fast!! this is his opportunity

he goes up to you and is like “what a fortunate coincidence to see you outside of work, maybe we can make it happen again? would you like to hang out sometime?”

relationship dynamics

ok so with two introverts in this relationship, things are steady but not boring!! don’t confuse the two

you’re the slightly chaotic one in the pairing and because he’s kind of dense sometimes, you find his reactions to be hilarious

you two respect each other so much like the respect he has for you and vice versa is incredible

you would literally never have to deal with him crossing any boundaries you have

he’d never be manipulative or controlling when it comes to you

also he’s dense but not dumb!!! you two could hold intellectual conversations often and every time you have one of these conversations, you’re reminded of just how smart he actually is

he also loves the deep convos y’all have because he’s always learning something new (and so are you)! he loves hearing you express your perspective on things

and since the both of you are introverts, y’all understand that you both need alone time occasionally

he’s not clingy at all and whenever you need alone time he’d probably just busy himself with work

possible relationship issues

ok so there are a few conflicts that could potentially arise

let’s start with something light hearted!!!

as we all know, he can be dense at times so your sarcasm might not always reach him

and while dense ≠ dumb, i feel like sometimes it might be a turn off for you when he’s dense to the point where he looks dumb (sorry that’s kinda mean to say about him lol)

another thing that i feel like could be an issue (albeit not a huge one) is your love language

you love to give gifts but i feel like there might be times you feel underappreciated because of his reactions :/

like say it’s his birthday; you spent months planning something and spent your entire paycheck to buy it, you’d expect him to have some type of positive reaction to it, right?

well when he receives the gift, he just says “thank you” with a blank expression while opening it and gives you a kiss on the forehead afterwards

like it’s not a big deal that his reactions are anti climatic at first, but after a while it might make you feel as though your energy and efforts aren’t being reciprocated

what he loves about you

he LOVES the fact that you like to work out

this is so cliche but idc yall would totally go on gym

dates and get brunch together afterwards (how cute is that omg!!!)

omg something cute that he absolutely adores about you is the way you smell

if you’re the type of person who loves to try out new lotion or perfume scents (even something as insignificant as hand sanitizer) he’s the first to notice

like if before you two are eating lunch and you offer him some of the hand sanitizer you carry around he’d be like “oh is that a new scent?”

or when y’all are cuddling and he can smell the lotion on your skin

he’s obsessed!! every time y’all cuddle you notice he’s always inhaling your scent

he loves that it’s so easy to make you laugh!!! sometimes he might not understand what he did to make you laugh or why it’s funny, but he’s just happy you're laughing

hearing your laughter literally makes his heart warm and if you’re quick enough, you can spot his face that’s adorned with eye crinkles and a soft smile

when you’re in a goofy mood you’d laugh at everything he does because he’s so funny without even realizing it

oh and good thing you like wearing oversized clothes because ushi loves seeing you in his stuff

doesn’t matter if it’s just you wearing his shirt to bed, he loves it

he would especially love coming home after practice to see you in the kitchen making dinner or just lounging on the couch in the living room with his clothes on

you would look so ridiculous(ly adorable) in his clothes, he can’t help but to laugh when he sees you sometimes

oh and another thing!!! back rubs!!!

sometimes he practices to the point where he overworks himself not only mentally but also physically so it’s not surprising that he always has sore muscles in one place or another

your back rubs would be on his mind as he pushes himself in the gym!!!

“one more rep then i get to come home to her back rubs” is what he tells himself (too cute my heart is bursting!!!)

new here? check out my masterlist

want to request a match up? check my match up guide to see what to include

a/n #2: haha i wrote so much but you gave me so much to work with so i had a lot to cover (which is a good thing btw) i know i already said this in the first a/n but i literally love that you included so much info!! usually people are hesitant to send a lot of info bc they feel like they’re rambling but those are the best requests tho because the more you ramble the more i know about you and the more i can write!!

[purpletalewasteland]

My Personal Thoughts That No One Asked For

The fandom is aflame. It's been an interesting couple of days. No one knows anything, anyone who seems to know something can't outright say anything, the physical proof is wavering, and it's been a trip.

Once it became clear to me back in June that Toe wasn't going anywhere, that Karlie was still posting about J*sh, that no one seemed close to coming out, I had to really remove myself from my attachment to this fandom, to the relationship, to the hope. I personally was not expecting Taylor to come out this album cycle as others did, and thus, I didn't experience the disappointment that a lot of those in the fandom did.

And it's been great. I'm still invested, I still speculate, I still consider the true meaning of every move that is made publicly. But I removed the expectation. I no longer expect to hear that Toe has been dropped, I no longer expect Taylor to come out. I've always considered a lot of the perceived "parallels" between Taylor and Karlie to be "reachy", but it was still fun to speculate and make connections, so it seemed harmless. But it's harmless to me. A straight white woman who has no shortage of representation. But I recognize and acknowledge that's not the case for all members of this fandom.

In terms of public interactions, these perceived parallels and coordinated moves are all we have right now. This presents as two options. A. They are no longer together, there's nothing to hint at, and any parallel is coincidence. Or B. They are still together, but both dedicated to playing the long game, and have no immediate plans to be publicly together anytime soon, so these little coincidences are a hint at the truth that will one day be known.

The fandom is tired. We are exhausted from the yo-yo-ing that is the Lover era, going from the hope in the beginning that it was finally time, to the present where the gay has been severely toned down and plans seemed to have changed drastically. I think a lot of us can agree that we won't be getting the ending we have been holding out for, any time soon.

The conflicting "intel" is frustrating and confusing at best. It seems contradictory, and then no one outright says anything because they can't or they don't want to. I didn't necessarily read the latest "source drama" to be confirmation that Kaylor broke up, I instead read it as confirmation that we won't have the outcome we want anytime soon, and they're exhausted and done with talking about it, done with giving false hope to the fans who want the truth, who need the truth.

My personal stance on the matter is that I just don't know. I don't know if they're still together, I don't know if they will be dropping their beards soon. Things started feeling hopeless to me weeks ago, and I decided to wait until Karlie's situation gave us more clarity before deciding whether or not to stop checking in. The beginning of September seemed positive, and things still feel different enough to me that I'm still waiting patiently to see what happens in the next few months on that front.

But here's why I don't plan on leaving this fandom anytime soon. Firstly, for me, this isn't necessarily about Kaylor. I'm a fan of Taylor's first, and then Karlie by proxy. Even if it becomes clear they have broken up, I will still follow Karlie's movements separately, and hope for her sake that she's able to express her truth as well. I genuinely like Karlie, and I genuinely hope and believe her to be a better person than a power-hungry social climber who wants money and connections. Secondly, this subsect of the fandom has always been more positive and welcoming to me than the typical Swifties. I enjoy being able to speak critically and openly about Taylor, I enjoy reading and blogging about her PR and dissecting what it could all possibly mean. It's fun when you accept that you'll never be chosen by Taylor Nation for a fan event, and that you don't need to be to still enjoy being part of the fandom. This community has generally been positive. I love reading instances of fans who go to TTB's blog for help for example, and then reading the notes and seeing countless people offering their help and advice. Thirdly, I personally believe that Taylor is not straight, and is not in a relationship with Joe. Whether Kaylor is together or not, that doesn't change anything to me, and I will wait for Taylor's truth to be spoken, even if it's years away.

Here's also something worth noting: a smaller, less loud community isn't a bad thing. If anything, I have worried if our community at times hinders the cause. Clearly Taylor wants to wipe out her association with Karlie, otherwise she would explicitly let her fans know that everything is fine between them. Yes, once they are out, I think our role will be important - show the naysayers that she's not just queerbaiting, this is who she is and has always been. But for now, the louder we are, the more Kaylor articles that are being circulated, the less convincing Toe becomes, the less convincing JK/KK become. I also believe Jerk is personally vindictive, and it wouldn't surprise me if he makes things worse for Karlie and her future, the more angry our blogging makes him. If some of us take a break, you bet everyone will come back when everything finally comes to light. And that's when the support will really matter. If Taylor was to come out right now, presenting herself as bisexual, people would still connect it to Karlie. If Karlie and Jerk were to break up, we would see headlines about it being amicable, but there would be a conversation about "why a certain group on Tumblr thinks the real reason has something to do with Taylor Swift". If Kaylor is still thriving and they plan on one day coming out, the plan seems to be that they will have fallen apart, only to fall back together. And if we can help with that conversation, if some of us leaving and changing our perspective can have even the slightest positive effect on that outcome, then I don't see this is an issue. Once the truth is finally out, we will all be reunited and leading the cause to educate and explain why this isn't a surprising revelation.

Anyway, friends. Most of us don't know what will happen in the next few weeks, months, years. And I don't fault anyone for being confused and leaving. But I personally will remain here, interested to see what happens regardless of when or whom it happens to.

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN

I had to make a second one because the length of the first one was getting way too long. If you are curious about some of my older asks here is the link to my first collection post - Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

I have this post because I feel some of the asks I answer are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost where I want to keep it a bit more structured for my longer posts and analysis. So for asks that are more about answering specific questions or about general things or my feelings I will put them here.

Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Look at jhope's interaction with maknae line

Sorry for spamming with asks

You're so right about how any ship can be possible if you focus on it

I reject any idea of a couple being pushed to protect another 

What do you think of vmin’s busan forehead kiss?

About tae changing the choreo of fake love

What do you think of that famous ji/kook trip together ?

"Friends" doesn't speak about a friendship to me and the title seems like a way to "hide" the true meaning. Thoughts?

I honestly do feel his "best" friend is only ever needed when it's convenient to him

When j/k wore matching shirts asked them something like are u guys dating Its so differnt from his rn to vmin

Looking at th and jm for what they are or represented to be their bond shouldn't be taken at face value. Just reminding that jealousy amongst bandmates do exist

Jimin kissed tae on the pretext of kissing tanny. tae blanked out for a few secs after that

Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend"

I dont think vmin or any other ship in bts for that matter are in any form of relationship right now.

Kind of agree with vmin not spending much time together outside of work & things they do/say barely even give off that "possibly a couple" vibe in general

IF feelings are involved, who do you think fell first and why? 

You already said that you ship them, but do you think that they're real?

I found it kinda weird how jimin apparently "didn't know" 4 o'clock was inspired by him

Have u seen that one radio interview in the past Th openly called out jm for liking men? 

We never see them hangout tgt I mean we have seen ji/kook tgt more often and tae with his wooga squad

What did you think about jimin playing the video game using tae's acc while the latter looked from behind?

When tae posted 'lets keep going for a long time i only have u' they probably only knew e/o for about 2 yrs and now we also know that at that time they still argued and fought with e/o alot. Yet they felt so strongly for their frienship.

What are your thoughts about tae choosing " my time " to recommend it to a non army.

If we look at their personalities tae is more of introverted and shy these days while jimin is more outgoing and loud. But when it comes the them jimin is always the one who seems cautious

Is it my imagination or is Jimin VERY loud lately? I feel like the roles have somehow been reversed.

The timeline of the dumpling incident really confuses me. 

Why do i feel like vmin dont hangout outside of work anymore

Just read your ji/kook vs vmin post regarding festa and I agree. you can tell that jm gets very serious when it comes to tae

A possible sexual relationship between Jimin and Tae. I've seen subtle hints where this might be happening behind the scenes like the recent bang bang con

Whenever joon says stuff like 'what a nice friendship/bcoz he is your friend' vmin have a very neutral or blank face

When do you think their friendship turned into something more?

Did u see how tae coloured jimin's name on the soft board with purple. 

Jimin recently in this festa says jk is his soul brother

Nj nearly always tries to underplay vmin's bond.

Sweet Night: “Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open Door' 

I feel like jimin was reluctant to talk about the dumpling incident probably bcoz it involves him getting drunk?

Your opinion on the whole "that's smth a couple would do" "you two look like a couple" for ji/kook vs "it's cause he's your friend "

What ur opinion is on the new kdrama that is based on homosexuality. 

Tae has many a times mentioned wanting to have kids or wanting to be father.

Taehyung has always talked about having a family, children and wife etc. 

I personally feel the maknae line in general have been advised not to do lives alone tgt bcoz of the intense shipping

I spend hours reading your posts and I could never get tired of it

I have a doubt about vmin  recently V is so close to JK it seems like V avoiding jimin

Taehyung talked about the movie Call Me by Your Name and its soundtrack

I honestly like how unpopular vmin are.

Let's say JM and TH have other partners - do you think said partners would be okay with a whole song of vmin declaring each other as soulmates? 

In the end there is no moment that is unique to a ship. do you agree?

Some vlives are arranged by the company and sometimes members themselves when the find free time they go live. 

What was the point of making a decision tght to come on vlive tgh infront of the fan to then not do it?

It cant be the company stopping v and jm from doing a live can it? 

Do you the think the reason vmin dont do vlive is because taehyung's feelings are one sided?

Theory on a possible reason on why vmin has not gone to do a vlive on their own for so long?

On bon voyage 3 j hope mentions how v and jk were hugging each other in their sleep.

Ji/kook is obvious (ear nibble) and Tae reacting blank to Vmin moments

But why they dont have funny bro handshake like v/kook?

You are so delusional like seriously how do you function in real life

You know how vmin called eo soulmates. The term can also be taken in a platonic way too right

If there’s a real ship in bts, can you give me your opinion on who?

Tae kissing jimin's cheek after they won an award in some music show (About ship edits)

I think vmin is real. Can you do a Sweet night analysis because in my opion the song dosen't match with the drama

Why are you a Vmin shipper if you don't think Jimin is gay or at least bisexual? 

I don't blame V and Jimin for not doing Vlive together

You know that blurry picture of vmin in 2014?

Tae and jk seem like the members who are most non straight to u and also that jimin might be straight so then isnt it more possible for t**k***k to be the couple?

Do you think that vmin are straight?

Can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight

Ppl connect sweet night and 4 o' clock with vmin After tae's live yesterday n i m also seeing some ppl being offended by it.

Why do I sense that Tae has more of crush on Jimin (and realized it) but Jimi is oblivious?

Will you still publish that long vmin and lgbt in korea analysis.

Even namjoon said they should go live to discuss about their song.

I dont really consider minjoon vlive as one they did themselves. it was mostly organised by the company

Maknae line avoid vlives and  its really weird that jimi would do it with rm but not tae

Shouldnt it be easy for them to go live tght than anyone else?

Tae is very reluctant or scared to do a vlive with jimin

In the past month when vmin did mention about the song they just made superficial comments

Hi 💙 do you write vmin fics?

I also feel that jm is nervous to talk about the song even though he said he will in the comeback show

If jimin doesn't go live today as well maybe we can get a vmin live?

Vmin antis say vmin are not friends irl and use the fact that they are never spotted hanging out offscreen as "proof"

Will you do a Vmin throwback - 2019?

Can we even be considered delulu anymore for thinking not all of this is a coincidence?

Sweet night doesn't really fit the couple relationship in the drama

What do you mean when you say 'not being delulu'?

I dont know why after listening to sweet night i feel very nervous?

Maybe the lyrics to SN are very well just about the drama/webtoon.

Do you think the songs lie and stigma are related ? 

Namjoon talking about Friends 2 - Making excuses

Namjoon talking about Friends 1 - Can’t write about them

About the “Hello my alien” line in Friends

Do you think they gone do fansing this period of promoting?

Jm said when he wants to make and gift a song if he finds someone he loves and he actually helped write n produce the melody of chingu

Omg Ive been crying over the vmin song lyrics ever since they came out.

Thoughts about the song and what you took out of it

Its not a light hearted thing to call each other soulmate

This kind of debunks the christmas song theory… i feel sad like they are commercialising their friendship

Jimin is partly involved in the making and it will be about Jimin and Tae’s bond

I fear that vmin will become the next larry 

Chrismats song, smile awards. Arent those awards previously decided and even the words written for them by the company?

I was wondering if you're going to write something about bv4 and all the vmin we got there

Do you think that vmin say they love each other truly or for fan service?

Recently i watched a vkook video to compare

Do you know how exactly vmin met?

Whenever I do get the chance to focus on Vmin it’s usully one of three things

At the airport Tae had his arm around Jimin's shoulder but removed it quickly when they arrived in front of the cameras.

I don’t care if people don’t ship Vmin romantically. But with Vmin doing things like this you can’t really blame us if we do.

I got a looooot of asks on the Christmas song and I will adress the ones I have left all in one go

The reaction in bv was probably cause he wants to visits there and jm got there first

Vmin talked about tannie and how they went to visit tannie at tae's parents house

Just do it how you feel comfortable, we are waiting for your analysis

What video is the gif you post with this : Jimin and V talking about going to the Sapporo snow festival and playing in the snow together 

This break was an opportunity for them to be around other friends and family so maybe they just wanted to spend this time apart

Do you really think vm are soulmates? Sometimes i feel like we might be over using this word for them 

Once again thank you for all the asks you send! And also sorry for not being able to keep up and answer them all. I’ll try to answer some old ones as well whenever I can, and I will keep adding some of them to this list. I hope you found something interesting. Thanks for reading!

[avengerscompound]

Sex with Steve

Sex with Steve: A Captain America Fanfic

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Word Count:  4656

Warnings:  Smut (MMMFF Bisexual orgy, oral, anal and vaginal fingering and sex)

Synopsis:  You, Natasha, Sam, and Bucky sit and talk about your conquests. Turns out you all have a lot in common.

Sex with Steve

You were starting to get light headed.  Natasha’s lips caress against yours and nip at your bottom lip.  You push your hands into her hair and every time you tighten your fists she moans against your lips.

“Ladies, while I can’t say I’m not appreciating the show… unless you’re planning to actually let me participate…”  Sam says, clearing his voice.

You pull away from Natasha and look over at the men sitting on the couch opposite to you.  Bucky and Sam sit as far as they can from each other.  Both have their eyes fixed on you and Natasha.

“You’re not as funny as you think you are, Wilson.”  Natasha quips.

Steve passes through the room.  He’s still in his Cap uniform pants but has the tightest blue t-shirt on you’ve ever seen.  You can see his nipples through it.  He walks through talking to Maria and flicking over some paperwork.  All four of you follow his path with your eyes.

“Do you think he knows those shirts don’t fit?”  You ask.  “Like, is it intentional?  Is he trying to make us perv on him?”

“Just because he likes to wear skimpy outfits doesn’t mean he wants you to stare at him.”  Bucky scoffs.

All four of you break down in laughter.

“Can I tell you something?  You can’t tell, Steve.”  Natasha whispers.

Sam sits forward in his chair.  “Go on.”

Natasha laughs and shakes her head.  “When he started working for SHIELD, he came and asked me to help him buy clothes that would help him fit in more.  I told him everyone wore their shirts that tight.”

“Oh my god, Nat.  You’re doing God's work.”  You squeal and pounce on her, pushing her back into the couch and kissing her as you crawl into her lap.  As you kiss, her hands slide up your back.

“Ladies!  Please.  At least take it to your room.”  Sam groans.

You break apart again and settle back with your head on her breasts.

“Sam if you wanna have a threeway with them, maybe you should just ask nicely,”  Bucky says, picking his beer up off the table and taking a drink.

“Oh yeah.  Like you’d know.”  Sam scoffed.

Bucky smirks and raises his eyebrow looking over at you and Natasha.  You and Natasha look back at him smiling and Natasha winks.

“You did not,”  Sam says.  “No way did they let you of all people sleep with them.”

Bucky shrugs.  “What can I tell you, bird boy?”

Sam sits back and rubs his hands down his face.  “I thought you girls had better taste than that.”

You shrug.  “Natasha might, but I’ve fucked you, so obviously not.”

Bucky bursts out laughing holding his chest.

“No, I’ve slept with him too.  So I can’t claim any taste either.”  Natasha adds.

Steve walks back through the room.  Bucky gets control of his laughter and once again all four of you watch as he passes by, looking through a folder.  He glances up and nods at you all.  You smile up at him and watch as he leaves through the other door.

“So… let me get this straight, have we four literally all fucked each other?”  Sam asks.

You and Natasha’s jaws drop open.  “You and James.”  She says, indicating between the two men.

Bucky looks sheepish and runs his hand through his hair.  “Just this one time.”

“I didn’t even know either of you went for guys.  Or that you particularly liked each other.”  You gasp.

“We like each other.  Why wouldn’t you think we liked each other?”  Sam says sounding completely affronted.

“Yeah, that’s just how we are.”  Bucky agrees.

“Then I guess, yes.  We four have literally all fucked each other.”  You say.  “Holy shit.  We really need to cast our nets outside this fucking tower.”

Natasha shrugs and kisses the side of your neck.  Steve comes back in the room again.  “But look at what nice things the tower has to offer.”  She whispers.  The four of you break down into giggles.

“What?”  Steve asks.

“Nothing.  Had to be there.”  You answer.

Steve narrows his eyes at you all and then moves on.

“I would give up on him.  Lost cause.”  Sam says.

You raise your eyebrow at him.  “Well, have I got news for you.”

“You did not!  When?”  Bucky asks, sitting forward in his chair.

“That mission in Belarus.  We were holed up in this shitty little apartment for two weeks monitoring that arms dealer.  We got bored.”  You explain.  “And let me tell you Bucky… he was good.  He’s a pleaser.  Gets off on you getting off.  I am going to say this right now definitively with my girlfriend sitting right next to me.  He is the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Natasha shrugs.  “That’s okay.  I totally agree with you.  He is amazing.”

“You too?”  You ask.  She nods and you raise your hand.  “High five for the amount of dick we’ve shared.”  Natasha laughs but she does clap her hand against yours.

“When for you?”  Bucky asks.

Natasha shrugs. “Not long after I first met him.  He was so alone and I just kind of felt bad for the guy.  I didn’t expect it to be good.  But holy shit, it was so good.  We decided it maybe wasn’t for the best to keep going though.  I don’t think he really trusted me back then.”

“Man.  He acts so innocent.  What else is he hiding?”  Sam said.

Bucky sighs.   “I guess that clarifies that I don’t have a chance with him.”

“What do you mean?  Aren’t you two?”  Sam asks.

“No.  He’s obviously straight though.”  Bucky grumbles, folding his arms and shrinking down into the couch.

“Wasn’t that obvious when his dick was inside of me.”  Sam counters.

“What?”  You and Natasha gasp, falling into laughter.

“No…”  Bucky groaned.  “No.  Please tell me you’re just messing with me.”

Sam pats Bucky on the shoulder.  “I don’t know what to tell ya, man.  And it’s like they said… he’s good.  Like really good.”

“When did this happen?  Why didn’t you tell me?  I thought we were friends!”  Bucky yells.

“Woah, man.  Calm down.  It was when he and I first met.  It was like a one night stand thing.  He didn’t even stay for breakfast.  The next time I saw him was with her.”  Sam points at Natasha.  “I never said because he’s your best friend.  I figured he would have.”

Bucky falls back on the couch and runs his hands through his hair.  “I don’t get it.  I thought if he was into guys he’d have come to me first.  Does he just not see me like that at all?”

Natasha gets up and moves over next to Bucky putting her arm around his shoulder.  “I’m sure that’s not it, James. I’ve seen how he looks at you.  Maybe he just assumes you’re straight.  Has he ever had reason to think you weren’t?”

Bucky shrugs.  “I guess not.”

“Maybe just talk to him.”  She soothes.

Bucky leans his head on Natasha’s shoulder and she kisses his temple.  Steve wanders back into the room and grabs himself a drink before coming to sit down on the couch next to you.  “Finally done.  What have you all been talking about?”

You scoot over to Steve and press yourself against his side.  You put your hand on his leg and start nuzzling at his neck.  He does nothing to stop you but he also doesn’t really acknowledge you.  “We just were finding out some really weird coincidences.”  You say.

“Mmm?  And they are?”  Steve asks.

“Well, did you know -”  You lean up to his ear and place a kiss just on his pulse point.  “ - that everyone in this room has had sex with each other at some point.”  You whisper.

Steve turns to look at you.  “Really?”

You nod, your hand running up and down Steve’s thigh.  “Yep.  I mean, you know about me and Nat obviously.  Before I got together with Nat, Sam and I used to fool around a little.  Never got super serious.  Still happens from time to time.  You know… open relationship and all.”  You look at Nat.  “When did you and Sam hook up?”

“Before we met.  Just after the whole thing with Ultron.”  Natasha replies.  “We actually went out on a few dates.”

“I didn’t know that,”  Steve says.

Natasha shrugs.  “Work romances.  You gotta be sure before you go public.  And I am not one for being tied down anyway.”

You walk your fingers up to Steve’s chest.  “So the thing with Bucky and me and Nat.”  You move your mouth to his ear again.  “We did that all together.”  You whisper.

He swallows.  “All three of you at the same time?”

“Mm-hmm… it was pretty fun.  You ever wanted to do something like that?  You’ve got a lot of stamina.  I know that… because you know… we hooked up didn’t we?”  You tease.

He nods.

“And you and Nat have too right?”  You ask.

He nods again.

“And Sam.”

Another nod.

“See that just leaves one person.  Why not poor Bucky?”  You ask, running your fingertips over his collar bone.

Steve looks over at Bucky who is sitting forward in his chair and looking at the two of you.  Steve clears his throat.  “Bucky is straight.”

Bucky goes to say something and you shake your head.  “See that’s funny because I said the four of us have all had sex.  So if Bucky’s straight… what was he doing having sex with Sam?”

Steve blinks at Bucky.  “Buck?”

Bucky nods.  “Yeah.  I’m not straight, Steve.  I thought … I thought you must be or I dunno… not interested in sex or relationships or something.”

“No,”  Steve says.  “I’m sorry, Buck.  If I knew…  of course I would have.  I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen years old.”

Bucky sits back and runs his hands over his face.  “Me too, pal.  Me too.  Fuck me.  We’ve gotta be the dumbest assholes on the planet.”

You smirk and sit back, feeling pretty smug about yourself.  Steve suddenly pulls you into his lap.  You yelp.  He adjusts you and you feel the press of his erection against your ass.  His lips come to your ear, his hot breath tickling against your skin.  “You feel that?”  He whispers.

“Mm-hmm…”  You squeak.

“All your touching and talk about how all of us have been together did that.”  He whispers.  His hand slides up your torso, between your breasts and onto your throat.  “Since you did this, I want you to pass this along to the others.”

You give a brief nod of your head and Steve continues to whisper in your ear.  The others all sit forward on the couch and when you speak it comes out breathy and cracked.

“Steve says… he says that we are his favorite people in the world.”  You say, relaying the words being whispered in your ear as his fingers press against your neck.

“He says… that the fact we’ve all been together - that he has been with all of us means something.”  You feel the press of his soft lips against your neck and his tongue over your earlobe.  You whimper and wriggle your ass against him.

“What are you trying to say, Cap?”  Sam says, sliding his palms over his pants.

“I’m saying that I want all of you.  I love all of you.”  He answers, his voice a low growl.

Natasha glances between the four of you.  “Well, you know our arrangement.”  She says gesturing between you and her.  “I can happily share.”

You nod in agreement.  

“Yeah.   Yeah.  Why not?  You guys are like the family who has all gotten down and dirty with me.  Why the hell not?”

Everyone turns their head to Bucky.  He looks down at his hand and flexes his metal fingers.  The plates slide back and forth up his arm like he’s testing all the components are working.  He looks up.  “I think I’d actually like that.”

Steve lets you go and you stand.  The others all stand too and Natasha comes and puts her hand around your waist. “This is a bit exciting isn’t it?”  She smirks.

You, Natasha and Sam, head towards yours and Natasha’s room.  You turn to see Steve and Bucky locked in a passionate kiss.  Sam laughs.  “How about we get things started without them.  They got some things to work out.”

Natasha smiles that crooked smile of hers and turns on Sam, putting her hands on his chest and pushing him through the bedroom door.  “You don’t have any idea what you’re getting yourself into, Wilson.”

“I’m looking forward to finding out.”  Sam grins.  

You and Natasha flank him walking him back towards the bed.  As you go he kisses Natasha and you kiss his neck.  You both unbutton his shirt and by the time his legs bump into your bed you’ve pushed it onto the ground.

Sam and Natasha break their kiss and Sam moves to you.  His tongue pushes into your mouth and his hand goes to your hair and pulls on it.  You hum against his lips and roll your hips against his thigh.  His hands go to the hem of your shirt and lifts it over your head, breaking your kiss.  Natasha unhooks your bra and when you shrug it off she leans down and takes your breast into her mouth.  You moan and sit down at the end of the bed.  Sam moves behind Natasha and unbuttons her shirt from behind sliding it down and off as his lips trail down her skin.

Natasha unbuttons your shorts and yanks them off, taking your underwear with them and nearly pulling you onto the floor.

“Tash!”  You squeal.  She starts giggling and turns on Sam again as you move up onto the bed properly.  You watch as they remove each other’s pants and Natasha takes off her bra.  They kiss for a moment.  Deeply.  Sam cradles Natasha’s face with his hands. They then turn to you and join you on the bed.

It starts with hands and mouths.  They’re everywhere.  Kissing and touching.  You and Natasha position yourselves with Sam between you.  You each straddle his thigh and rock against him.  Rubbing against his firm muscle.  You kiss each other as you do.  Sam sucks on one of your breasts and then one of Natasha’s and back again.  Sending heat flooding to your cunt.  Your fluids drip from you and smear over his leg.

Steve and Bucky enter the room.  They stand watching you for a moment and start undressing each other.  Kissing softly on each other’s chest and neck as they shed items of clothing one by one.  You crawl down Sam’s body and start sucking and licking at his cock.  He and Natasha start to kiss and his hand moves between her legs and starts rubbing over her pussy.

You look over at Steve and Bucky.  They’re kissing again, and stroking their cocks against each other's.  They notice you looking and for a little bit, they seem to just put on a show.  They kiss so you can see their tongues lick over each other’s and they make graphic moaning sounds.

“Okay, boys we get it.  You’re good at sex.  Get over here and join us.”  Natasha says.

Steve crawls up onto the bed and nudges you out of the way, taking over sucking Sam’s cock.  Bucky comes up behind you and flips you over you lean back so you're draped over Sam’s chest.

Bucky drops to his knees and his hands slide down over the curve of your form.  He spreads your legs and starts nuzzling at your pussy.  The sounds of Sam’s moans reverberate through his chest and as Bucky starts using his tongue on you, your moans join his.

Hand and mouths become bodies.  People move fluidly.  Sam and Natasha are the first to move from foreplay to fucking.  She rides him as his hand grip tightly to her hips.  Steve comes up behind Bucky and after Bucky enters you, Steve enters him.  Then Steve is being fucked by Sam as Natasha fucks you with her fingers and Bucky takes her from behind.

Everyone is with everyone.  There are no favorites.  No people turning another away.  The room is loud.  Full of moans and cursing and words of love.  You come again and again.  For each of them until you are exhausted and lightheaded and sweat coats your skin.  Finally, the men come too.  Bucky first.  He spills inside of Natasha and collapses on the bed beside her as Steve continues to fuck him.  Steve is next.  His hand bunch in Bucky’s hair and his hips jerk hard into him.  The sound he makes when he comes is primal and loud.  Sam is last.  He pulls you hard against him and comes as he bites down in your shoulder.

You all collapse in a pile.  Limbs everywhere.  Sweaty and panting.

“Okay… Well, I’m ruined for sex ever again.”  You pant.  Natasha starts laughing and reaches out and runs her hand over your head.

Steve smiles and sighs.  “Not if we keep doing it like this.”

[a-woman-apart]

I am Bisexual

I am a black, bisexual ciswoman dating a white, straight cisman, and the fact that he is male and straight are not the reason I am dating him, nor are they a reason NOT to. Pretending though, that his labels don’t factor into who he is as a person would be completely idiotic. 

At the end of the day, though, we are dating because we share similar values, we are compatible in multiple ways, we respect each other, and we love each other and are committed to making this work. It is true, that as a straight man, he wouldn’t be open to dating me if I were a man, but it is also true that if I were a man, certain aspects of my personality would change, due to a complex combination of nature and nurture that scientists still haven’t figured out.  

Also, there are people from both our “communities” (said very loosely) that aren’t down with “The Swirl” which is only something you get to celebrate if you are extremely privileged and quite a bit into eugenics. We each have racist people in our families, and we both get dirty looks on the street when we’re together for different reasons, but hatred is always at the core of the discrimination. 

Loving vs. Virginia was passed in 1967, and it is important to note that The Lovings wanted to be left alone and to live in peace, even though their marriage wasn’t recognized by law and it was a crime, even for white women, to give birth to interracial children. The Lovings only took their case to court when they faced racialized harassment. 

To me, it is absolutely terrible that in roughly 10 years, we went to celebrating “love is love” to now criticizing people for who they choose to date or how they identify. I can’t tell you how many times on this site I’ve seen bisexual women pressured to identify as pansexual to be “less discriminatory” or told in disgusting tones, “Why date men if you can choose to date women?” as if bisexual and/or lesbian were just things you can turn on and off like a light switch. 

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the rise of radical feminism and AFAB-nonbinary/transmasculine culture has coincided with poorer mental health for women in our community and also with a HUGE uptick in misandry and biphobia. Even gay men aren’t above being “canceled” for so-called “transphobic” caricatures of women, even though men have been playing women in the theatre for centuries, and now, women can play men, too. #Progressive  

Honestly, one thing I will say that guys do better than us women (in general, there are always exceptions) is comedy. Yes, men, as a a general rule, are funnier than us. Men are more likely to make fun of themselves, us, and other people, with no mercy, and I honestly think the women/AMAB non-binary in our community-- either the black or the LGBTQ+ one, take your pick-- need to learn to take a fucking joke. It’s not that fucking serious, but the one thing that ISN’T funny is the hideous biphobia, racism, and backbiting I’ve witnessed online and offline this year. 

What makes it even more disgusting, is that while I am including AMABs in my roast, I have actually seen MULTIPLE stories of AMABs being excluded from AFAB offline gatherings (DOCUMENTED ON THIS HERE VERY SITE) in the name of “safety” because they are seen than nothing more than a man in a dress. 

So, here’s where I lose some subscribers...if a so-called “man in a dress” is unwelcome in your circles, do you REALLY think you have room to fucking talk when a huge portion of you you skirt the line between male and female because you can’t accept your own femininity? So really, are you really “non-binary” or are you just a scared little girls who can’t grow up?

Of course, that isn’t ALL of you, but when the country (as pointed out by J.K Rowling) sees a 4400% in female to male transition (a lot of it with very young girls becoming AFAB/non-binary, many of whom are taking testosterone) while male to female transition rates remain UNCHANGED, suddenly this isn’t a “trans” or a “non-binary” problem, this is a FEMALE problem. Trans people, prior to this huge upswing, made up less than 1% of the population, and that included MtF and FtM transition rates. These rates had remained steady FOR YEARS, so from a purely mathematical perspective this uptick is a huge statistic anomaly. 

For years people on the Right have decried the so-called “feminization of boys”, when in reality the “masculinization of girls” is statistically a far more pressing societal issue. 

I didn’t want to get this harsh, but this is concerning as a medical health issue, especially because research from the Scientific American reports that lots of young women who report having gender dysphoria end up not being dysphoric about their gender at all, but uncertain about their sexuality [click link]. If I had a quarter for every time a girl who never felt comfortable with her femininity or identified as asexual or aromantic turned out to “just be gay/bisexual” then I would be pretty fucking rich. 

I felt the same way. I felt like I was “Not Like Other Girls” and even though I never felt like a man, I often didn’t quite feel like a woman. It turns out that bisexuality, especially in women, corresponds with certain personality traits (aggression, assertiveness, high sex drive) that have been “coded male.” Gender bias in medicine is still responsible for why we don’t have more studies on lesbian and bisexual women, or on women IN GENERAL. As someone who is concerned about women’s rights and the safety of young girls and women, I think it is a HUGE DEAL that modern medicine still sometimes operates on the false assertion that women are just men without dicks and added baby-hosting parts. The effects of testosterone have been heavily studied, but there is SO much we don’t know about estrogen, including why different amounts of it don’t factor into PMDD, PMS, and other reproductive issues, as much as certain women’s brains and bodies responding to it DIFFERENTLY for reasons not fully understood. 

To make matters worse, while disparities in treatment based on race are less marked in other areas of medicine, black women still die in childbirth-- especially in the Southern U.S.-- at much higher rates than other demographics. Bisexual and lesbian women are also more likely than straight women to fear childbirth, which can be a huge source of anxiety for us. Even if we choose to undergo it, our anxiety is often downplayed by health care workers. This fear of childbirth can be seen even in bisexual and lesbian women who love children and strongly desire to be mothers. This, as well as the cost of surrogacy/IVF treatments, has been a reason that same-sex female couples often opt for adoption. 

Bisexual women, in particular, are also more likely to suffer mental health conditions and be the victims of male-perpetrated domestic violence than straight women and lesbians are. “Straight-passing” doesn’t really seem to provide a shield from that, I hate to tell you. 

The very concept of calling someone out for “passing” in an attempt to insult them actually reeks of jealousy and amazing privilege. In the case of bisexual people, it assumes that hiding an entire facet of our identity doesn’t matter and doesn’t take an emotional and psychological toll, because we can “choose” an opposite sex partner. This ignores the fact that falling in love isn’t based on choice, and that the moment we pursue a same-sex partner, we still have to “come out” if we want to maintain a healthy, open relationship with them. 

In the case of trans individuals, it assumes that “passing” erasing the fact that you have biological differences (such as typically being unable to parent children) from cis people that might make you undesirable to certain partners. Also, if you are also “stealth” you risk the chance of experiencing discrimination and/or violence if your identity is “discovered.” 

As far as being “white/European passing” this also does not erase the genetic and geographical ties you have to your ethnicity and/or country of origin. It doesn’t change the fact that if people start making racist comments about any of your racial demographics, it still hurts, even if you try to hide it.