#also thats the pure focus pattern

[foileadeux]

so uh. before my confrontation animatic i was gonna do running up that hill for false king au

[kissforyouu]

I LOVE YOUR TITTIES BECAUSE THEY PROVE I CAN FOCUS ON TWO THINGS AT ONCE !

pairing : bf!jungkook x reader

genre : established relationship

warnings : boobs boobs boobs BOOBS !!! massive boob kink idk everything boobs :P

request : hii, can i ask for something like my bf wont stop touching me but instead of her butt make it her breast? only if ur up to it <3

note : I FINALLY POSTED A FIC R YALL HAPPY WOOO. hope u like dis :D

unedited.

bf!jungkook who's had some sort of a hyperfixation on your tits ever since you both had sex for the first time.

he would always take the chance if it meant he'd get to look or touch your tits.

you walk around your living room with your broom as you swept the floor. jungkook was comfortably seated on the sofa, manspreading as he consumed whatever that was on the tv. you sweep around the sofa, poking the broom under the sofa to check for any trash thats possibly left under it. deciding that that wasn't enough, the place the broom carefully so that it's laid against the sofa, you get down on your knees.

this action catches your boyfriend's attention, his eyes shifting from the tv to you in the matter of a second. you don't notice though. you sit properly on your knees, slightly raising your body up a little so that you could tie your hair up in a messy bun. jungkook licks his lips, fully infatuated by you. but the moment you bend forward to peep under the sofa, that's when he loses his mind. your tits were peaking out of your shirt oh so clearly. he could see the swell of your tits and the thin layer of sweat covering them.

your boyfriend smirks, "thanks for the nice view."

your boyfriend was a little perverted. okay, a lot maybe. only for you though. he always made you wear those see through lace tank tops at home. he'd buy all the cute tank tops to make your tits look pretty and squeezed against one another. not like you minded. you loooveeedddd getting spoiled. plus, free clothes. who would say no? he would always find a way to grope your tits at any moment. but not in public though. that was weird.

jungkook's back was resting against the headboard of the bed as he typed away on his computer. some work matters, you thought. you looked at your boyfriend who was so focused on whatever document he was typing. his eyebrows were furrowed and he was also doing that thing he did whenever he was frustrated--his tongue was poking his cheek.

you slide under the covers, scooting next to your boyfriend and gently lifting his arm up so that you could go under it and lay on his lap while his arm rested on your body while typing. you do just that, your head now resting on his lap while you stared at whatever he was typing on the computer.

minutes pass by, jungkook's hand was comfortably laying on top of your clothed tits. he tapped his fingers on the fat of your right breast, mindlessly pressing onto the flesh finger by finger in a pattern. index finger, middle finger, ring finger, index finger, middle finger, ring finger—

and of course you expected it, it didn't take him any longer before he slid his hand inside to pull out your right tit. jungkook's entire hand envelopes the fat, squeezing it tightly. his touch was very warm, you didn't mind. you squirm in your spot, shifting your position once jungkook switches to your other tit, pulling out the flesh out of your top.

he had no intentions of doing anything sexual after, just wanted to fondle with your tits. maybe he'll suck them if you behaved well. but you couldn't control the growing wetness in your pussy, already wetting your panties. you mewl a little once he twists your nipple in between his fingers, and that's when he notices.

"is my girl getting horny?"

before sleep, he always made sure to give your tits a few kisses. and sometimes (most of the time), they turned into a little more.

"ah...mh, mh, hm" you hum in utter satisfaction, eyes shut while enjoying the pure bliss you're getting from your boyfriend's skillful tongue.

he swirls his tongue around your nipple, eagerly lapping on the hardened bud. jungkook's eyes never left your tits as he made out with the hardened buds, making you feel sooooo good.

"please. don't stop." you whimper out while caressing your boyfriend's hair. his hair smelt exactly like yours, since he started using your godly vanilla shampoo. you just wanted to bury your face in his hair. you massaged his scalp good, had him moaning and groaning into your tits.

he pulled back for a moment to look at his little artwork. you had his saliva all over your tits, making them glisten under the dim light in the room. jungkook spits on your tits again, then spreads it around using the tip of his tongue. it was so nasty. he licks around your areola with the very tip of his tongue, then envelopes your nipple again. he teasingly bites it, causing you to let out a small yelp. he flicks your nipple with his tongue while it was inside of his mouth and pulls away to return back with another harsh suck.

"that feel good?", his fingertips were pressed onto your waist as he smothered his face all over your tits (literally). you could feel the tip of his tongue glide all over your chest and his cheeks pressing onto the flesh of your breath. it was nasty. the saliva on your chest was no longer just there but also on his face as he hungrily inhaled your breasts in and consumed them for the full extent. he was so so so erotic.

jungkook kisses you until you run out of breath while his fingers pinched your nipples hard, twisting them with intentions of causing you pain sexually. you wince. god, you feel your body twitching. your pussy's so wet. clenching on absolutely nothing. it was so evident. the wet patch on your panties. the way your panties hugged your pussy so tightly, the slick was coating the thin material so nicely. the way it hugged your pussy drove jungkook crazy. the material was so tight that it perfectly made out the shape of your chubby pussy.

he cups your breasts with both of his hands, squeezing them till the worlds end. this was supposed to be a comforting moment where he just fondled your breasts before sleep. but now you're grinding against eachother like horny freaks.

another thing that got him so riled up was the cute gold "J" necklace he got you that you would wear. he loved the way it sat on your cleavage, right in between your breasts. he liked it even better when the cute lace tops you got him squeezed your breasts together and the sparkly J initial sat in between the soft pillows. it drove him craaaazy, actually. jungkook always made you ride him when you looked like that.

"jus' like that, baby, hm", his head was slanted against the headboard of you guys' bed, eyes dazed, but still looking at your breasts. you rode his dick till dawn, up and down, up and down.

one of your tits were out of your tight, lace see-through bra and molded into jungkook's palm. he squeezed the flesh in his palm while you made circles on his dick. his tip was hitting the exact right spot that drove you crazy, and it had you twitching on spot.

your boyfriend leans in to lick your hardened clothed nipple of the neglected breast, tugging on the nipple and wetting the lace as well. it was just a big wet smudge on your right tit.

he was like an animal when it came to fucking you. he would pull up with the nastiest ways to have you. jungkook had no shame. his hips raise upwards as he thrusted from below, overtaking your slow ass pace.

"m—mm, hah! please, so fast...!", your tongue was out, panting, and so was his. instead his was licking a stripe from all the way from your stomach, up your cleavage to your lips. he kicked your messily, both of you exchanging saliva to one another in your mouths, passing it around like a football. he tugs on your nipple, harshly pulling it and twisting the bud.

that hurt, obviously.

jungkook pulls away from the kiss and rests his back against the headboard again, still thrusting into you though. at this point both of your tits were out of your bra, jumping up and down, putting on a show for his attention.

you notice the way he moans while eyeing your tits. his eyes travel to the gold necklace in between after, the J necklace that you treasure so much.

"looks so fuckin' hot between those pretty titties. you keep this on all the time, yeah? makes you look prettier when i fuck you, babydoll." he kisses your shoulder blade, trailing kisses to your neck. wrapped around your neck was the gold chain, and jungkook lolls his tongue out to trace the metal chain. he tugs on the chain with his teeth, pulling on it with a groan.

you were getting so tired from jumping on his dick. the more you rode him, the closer you got to your release. jungkook let go of your chain, but grab hold of it this time with his hand. his palm lands two loud slaps on your asscheek, making you moan. same time, he could feel you tighten around his cock. "liked that?" you nod your head repeatedly.

jungkook tugs on the chain, pulling it backwards and then twisting it around his knuckles, choking you with the chain.

fuck, fuck, fuck. so hot.

you crack out a laugh, tongue out, panting. you were so close. so so so close. you had your tits squeezed between eachother tightly, your hands squishing the flesh as you felt the orgasm take over you. your pussy was spasming around his dick as you moan out loud, body thrown over jungkook's chest, tits pressed against his. jungkook definitely loved that feeling.

soon after you cum around him and milk his cock, he does too. his cum slips out of your contracting pussyhole.

jungkook lets out a laugh, hand patting your back and smoothing it. then he looks down from above, enjoying the birds point of view of your squished up tits and necklace in between.

he might just get hard again.

aftercare with jungkook has always been simple. you + boobs + him .

"humph, kook." you groan once you feel your boyfriend's hands squeeze your tits one more time. "bit more." he tugs on your nipple with the tip of his fingers, wiggling on his spot to find a comfortable position in the crook of your neck.

"aah, 'm so sore, baby." your voice aches through with yet another groan. "it's okay. you know it's okay." jungkook reassures.

"how about i give you a massage?" he raises his head up to look at your passed out face. "that's just another excuse for you to touch my tits..."

your boyfriend laughs, "are you complaining, though?" you shake your head with a small smile and turning on your back so that you're laying on your stomach.

jungkook slaps the fat of your ass before he begins to massage around your shoulder area. he does it soooooooooooo good though. he makes sure to press onto your bones and tightly circle around, causing you to moan in satisfaction. you enjoy his massage well until he gropes your breasts from the back, giving both of them a tight squeeze. you yelp in surprised. well, not really, you knew this was coming anyway.

he squeezes your tits and massages them well and even makes sure to give both of them equal attention.

and you both fall asleep with his head nuzzled between your tits and your hand massaging his scalp.

whenever you sucked his cock, at the end, he would always ask "where do you want it?". stupid question. there was only one answer.

jungkook's tip twitches in your mouth and he loosens his grip on your hair, a cracked moan also escaping his lips. "f—fuck, baby. you're so pretty with your lips around my fucking dick."

you flutter your eyes open, bobbing your head up and down. you feel jungkook twitch in your mouth, again. "mhm, where do you- want it?"

there was always only one answer.

you were wearing this grey oversized shirt with the thinnest material. it showed your nipples so well. dare i say jungkook got off to that as well. to answer his question, you squeeze your breast through the material and moan, mouth still filled with dick. he gets the memo and pulls his dick out of your mouth.

you cough out but quickly dismiss yourself and pull the neckline of the shirt down to expose your tits, both coated with a layer of sweat. jungkook cusses at the reveal of your breasts, fastening the speed of his wrist before he spurts his cum onto your exposed boobs.

"haaaaa. oh my god, fuck". you moan out, watching the spurts of cum land all over your breasts, some on the shirt as well as your neck. the white liquid was all over your nipples. so you make sure to rub them with both your index fingers, coating them well before bringing them to your mouth at once to taste them. you lick yourself erotically just as you did to his dick just a few seconds ago and taste your boyfriend's cum in your mouth.

"you taste so so good, baby."

and it's like jungkook's hypnotised again.

[morningstar-chronicles]

(4 year shifter here hi)

I decided I'm shifting. Like I'm ready to dive back in because 4 years??? nothing should take you 4 years to do and thats utter bs and i will NOT stand that. im gonna shift!!! because 4 years of my life is not gonna be wasted fantasizing a world instead of improving my own. i could've mastered a skill in 4 years. out of pure SPITE I WILL BE SHIFTING AND ILL MAKE IT A CONSISTENT THING TO VISIT MY DRS!!!!

Only problem is. I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETYYYYY around shifting. I mostly blame tiktok for this but i have such imposrer syndrome (i just learned that term maybe im usijg it wrong). i feel like nothing im doing is correct and my brain tells me with assurance im not gonna shift because of it.

i know if I just believed id be with my husband rn. but i dont know how and 4 years of conditioning myself to believe i wont im scared i cant undo it and my thoughts on life is *if you dont believe you can do it you won't do it*

l asked my tarot deck for advice on what to do and got:

situation: The devil, Page of swords

what to do: The Emperor

i have no clue what's this is meant to mean 😚

hm. okay so i'm not super well-versed in tarot but i'll consult my books for u

the devil (assuming upright): describes obsession and limitations. given the context, i'm going to assume these limitations are more percieved than actual physical limitations. this pretty much checks out with what you told me here. i'm getting that there is a lot of overthinking and maybe method hopping or trying to make something work that just doesn't align with what you need.

page of swords (assuming upright): tells me that you are very methodical and thorough with your attempts. this is great for most aspects of life, but in my own personal opinion, shifting is about letting go of the details and focusing on the big picture.

the emperor (assuming upright): this was most interesting to me! it appears that you crave structure, and so a method with more structure may still be what works best for you. however, it also appears as though you need to focus on practicality over smaller details. you might benefit from taking a more commonly-known rigid method and changing certain things like the breathing pattern or steps that just don't allow you to relax.

ANYWAY that aside, you can totally shift even if you have doubts!! some people shift the day after they give up (baffling to me??? like omg universe i'm totally giving up... 👀) and i think something that helps a lot of people to know is like... anyone can shift. literally anyone. also i never do the methods right and i've shifted before so like... idk hopefully that helps you feel better about doing things wrong 😭

[swiftfootedachilles]

*vibrating intensely* hi please tell me your autistic Mickey headcanons I'm collecting them

ohhhh i have so many thoughts

ive already talked about this ad nauseum previously but i always have time to discuss my favorites autist

his hatred of sleeves is totally an autistic thing. he just hates sleeves, specifically anything thats not long sleeved or sleeveless

he seems to prefer warm weather. he bundles up sooo much in the winter and he talks about moving back to mexico in s11. he would rather go back to prison than move any more north than chicago

i am once again mentioning that compulsory heterosexuality is absolutely part of mickeys masking. he seems to not gaf about masking about a lot of "typical" autistic things like not understanding social cues/rules or lacking conversation skills. a lot of his masking is more survival based like seeming straight and masculine and tough

^ which makes sense that when he starts unmasking, he likes patterned/hawaiian shirts :') he loves how visually simulating they are and he can tolerate the sleeves bc the fabric is very breathable and light

he really likes loud sounds specifically loud music and ambient/outside sounds like the ones he looks up in s11 to help him fall asleep :) he seems like the kinda person who can only do one thing as once, ie cant listen to music and play video games at the same time. when he does something he has to Devote Himself To It. if hes listen to music thats what hes doing. hes gonna sit there with his giant ass headphones on and stim or just cover his eyes and focus on the lyrics. hes s natural loud talker. he could yell over a jet engine if he wanted to. altho he doesnt like people raising his voice at him for obvious reasons. he cant stand pure silence it makes his skin crawl. ian loves his peace and quiet so mickey often throws on his headphones for parallel play. ian cooks or reads his book in quiet and mickey listens to deftones or doomscrolls on tiktok. parallel play becomes a huuuuge part of their bonding as a married couple :)

when he gets overwhelmed he completely shuts everything out. he acts like a cornered animal and lashes out at anything even if someone is trying to help. he needs space until he calms down or he'll have a meltdown and start throwing/breaking things or causing physical harm. sometimes he becomes too overwhelmed too quickly and completely skips the "shutting everyone out" stage and go straight to getting physical

he stims a lot by hitting or throwing stuff so ian trains him to use soft things like pillows and plushies (he absolutely has a plushie collection) when stimming. i think he also hits himself on the head sometimes. :( (totally not projecting) but be mainly sticks to his regular stims like messing with his eyebrows, chewing his nails, and biting his lip. he has an oral fixation! ian gets him a chew necklace. he likes singing and dancing with ian tho hed never admit it. he likes flapping his hands and jumping but hes still too embarrassed to ever do them. he unconsciously sways and rocks, especially if hes in the same spot for a long time

ian absolutely buys mickeys most of his sensory/stimming shit. lights, weighted blanket, spinner ring, chew jewelry, peelable clear nail polish, bike chain (which we see mickey has on his bedside table in s5 so i 1000% believe this was his first stim toy!!!) toy, tangles, different types of plushies (squishmallow, squishables, jellycat, reversible octopus (mickeys fav they both have at least one for every possible emotion), plushie dreadfuls, palm pals, different shapes and textured fabrics.) ian often steals a lot of these plushies; they are their first children. after they move back to the southside and are doing some work on their house, ian notices mickey still needs the catharsis of breaking shit, so sometimes they go on dates to the junkyard with baseball bats and destroy shit together

mickey literally cant be in the same room with ian when he eats his eggs with ketchup. the concept itself is so gross he cant tolerate it

hes very sensory seeking, again partly because of his oral fixation. he likes spicy food and LOVES sour food. obviously he loves candy and junk food. they have lamps, other small lights, and color changing led lights all over their home. eventually they both fall into a routine of communicating nonverbally using different colors of lights

mickey isnt great at communicating verbally tho he tries. sometimes he just cant, its too overwhelming and he cant think of the words to properly express himself. hes much better at conveying his thoughts thru physical means. this is part autism, part learned during childhood

he learned literally everything he knows about society thru movies. he uses a lot of old slang and makes niche references. he refuses to explain any of them to ian

sometimes he goes nonverbal and he texts only using (sometimes too many) emojis and reaction images that nobody gets except him

most people think hes weird and dont get his sense of humor but ian thinks hes the funniest person on the planet! they often make references to inside jokes in front of other people and it annoys the shit out of everyone

ok i have to stop now or im gonna go on forever thank you for the ask

[solosol]

i feel like im in a slight rut again, although im working to get myself out of it.

honestly, once again im nervous about the future. going from making money and not worrying about it a couple months ago to just getting broker and broker is scaring me. uni...what am i even doing, i feel no motivation to keep doing it, yet im so excited about the work i know i can produce from it. im trying to focus on living life, eating, not falling back into negative habits and thought patterns. sometimes i am able to do it all but right now i feel so weak, physically. 

you know when you just want something good, something stable. nothing in life is stable, not even myself yet i know that i am all i have. 

i would still like to be held though. it feels as though things are quiet in a way i cant explain. my optimism is weavering a bit. i keep reminding myself its okay, everything is okay. at times i feel like im not doing enough, i know i am enough but i dont think my output reflects that. i dont want to be self deprecating.

 i keep saying the serenity prayer because its the only thing keeping me going. i need serenity, courage and wisdom. but i also really need strength, strength to keep going, to see it through, strength to continue believing. 

its the pure uncertainty i think thats really getting me. its the fact that i truly have no idea and i feel i have to be a bit delusional to make it through each day. 

the only difference now, is that i cant, i simply cant hate myself, because i know i cant hate myself into being who i want. i cant bully happiness out of me. and despite all this i know gratitude flows through me. i already feel my future selfs gratitude, so i know i keep going. 

i have to get up now and do this day the best that i can. and if all i can focus on is staying alive, gratitude and having love for myself then so be it. 

[captnjacksparrow]

Okay so I know I’m far off my rocker with what I’m about to say but I have to say it otherwise I’ll forget or keep thinking about it like crazy.

It’s probably just me but I can’t help but feel like SNS aren’t straight. I can’t help but feel like Naruto could possibly be bi with women preference or don’t realize it. I can’t help but feel like Sasuke might be gay or bi. I don’t want to state it as a fact because we don’t know their sexualities canon wise plus I want to respect the author’s creation however I can’t see those two as straight, especially Sasuke. I understand that Sasuke puts his goals before romance and that may be the case for this. I know he wants to defeat his brother and restore his clan, thats his top priority in life. People say he doesn’t know how to express his emotions, yet I see it fine with Naruto. He seems to trust Naruto more than anything and wants to be with Naruto. He turns down girls, mainly Sakura when it comes to affection or flirtatiousness. Now it could be just that those girls see him as a trophy and Sakura doesn’t understand him or respect him, however even after Boruto when he “marries” Sakura, it seems he’s depressed and regrets the relationship. He visits Naruto’s family more than his own and I find it depressing and interesting because it shows he chooses Naruto over his own “wife”. Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side. Yet I feel a bit of that with him and Naruto. There was a rumor that the author or creator of Naruto that between Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura isn’t a love triangle but rather a circle like a fish biting its own tail. So Naruto —> Sakura —> Sasuke and Sasuke —> Naruto. Anyways, i know this show isn’t about their sexuality and I shouldn’t focus on that but I couldn’t help but notice something or rather feel it. Also, your post on SNS Sasukes pov, I remember you mentioning Sasuke being comfortable enough to show his vulnerability with Naruto and that had me thinking... is this Sasuke accepting his love for Naruto? Is this Sasuke allowing Naruto to open him and save him. It seems Naruto was the first and only person that made his way to his heart, even expanding it just a little.

That’s just me but I would love to hear what you have to say and correct me if I’m wrong. What do you think?

Nice ask @larrycherry04 😍😍

There was a rumor that the author or creator of Naruto that between Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura isn’t a love triangle but rather a circle like a fish biting its own tail. So Naruto —> Sakura —> Sasuke and Sasuke —> Naruto.

Again larry, there is no official proof for this interview. And if it is so, I don’t really believe any of his interviews, tbh. 

These are the two different official interviews from Shounen Jump at different point of time with Kishimoto and two contradicting answers. 

So, when it comes to drawing Manga, Kishi was very truthful. But when it comes to interviews, he started to contradict his own answers. Which makes him a liar, in my opinion and I don’t blame him.

So, In short, Read the manga or Watch the Anime and see how you feel about it and come to a conclusion rather that believing his interviews.

But to answer whether it’s a love circle??? Nope. 

Sakura, like I said before, she is a pairing fodder for Sasuke, most of the time and for Naruto, a little bit. 

If it is a love circle, like, if Naruto truly loved Sakura, he never should’ve let Sasuke off the hook, for all the tantrums/outbursts he has shown towards Sakura not once or twice but multiple times.

Imagine you are Naruto, you love Sakura so much and values her a lot above everyone.

What would you do in the following scene?

I seriously can’t stop laughing here. Here, a boy, your supposed rival, is mildly insulting your most valued person’s tears. What will you do?

You will speak on her behalf, Of course. Just like Naruto did.

But the moment your rival says something to you, you forget everything about Sakura and starts to think about your rival. Wellllll ... So weird!!!!! Which begs the question ‘Do you really love her in the first place???’.

In this scene, the moment he heard those words from Sasuke, Sakura was out of the picture. Important point to note, Naruto still had a crush on Sakura until this point. 

Moment 1

Sakura: I am going to stab Sasuke-Kun

Sasuke : Am gonna kill you too

**Naruto heroically saves her**

Naruto: Sasuke, Sakura was a member of Team 7.

Sasuke: I don’t give a fuck

Naruto: Anyways, I heard the truth about Itachi and what you’ve been doing so far, is understandable, (including trying to kill Sakura)

Sakura: **surprised pikachu face**

Moment 2

Sakura: I love you, Sasuke-Kun

Sasuke: Annoying!! I am gonna put her in a murdering Genjutsu

Naruto: Sasuke, you shouldn’t have put her in such a strong Genjutsu

Sasuke: If I didn’t , she will come in our way

Naruto: Ummm, that’s true. Let’s go fight!!!

This is the pattern of Team 7 dynamics even until the very end. And I don’t see a love circle at all. 

To put it bluntly,

These words from Naruto is an admonition to Sakura, that is, ‘Whatever happens between us, do not meddle!!’

Sakura is just a third wheel to elevate the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto likes her but not more than Sasuke. Naruto will die for Sasuke but not for Sakura. Sasuke will put his life on the line for Naruto but not for Sakura. 

He turns down girls, mainly Sakura when it comes to affection or flirtatiousness. Now it could be just that those girls see him as a trophy and Sakura doesn’t understand him or respect him, however even after Boruto when he “marries” Sakura, it seems he’s depressed and regrets the relationship. He visits Naruto’s family more than his own and I find it depressing and interesting because it shows he chooses Naruto over his own “wife”. Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side.

Sasuke closed all his walls in his heart to let anyone in, after the massacre. And even before that incident, it was never shown that he had any friends or rather he was frustrated with those boys revering him because of the ‘Uchiha’ name he bears. Uchiha is the powerful clan of Konoha and so everyone has high level of expectations. So, there is that. 

Sasuke was thoroughly frustrated at this comment because nobody is seeing him as a boy named ‘Sasuke’ in his Academy. Even his homeroom teacher saw him as 'Itachi's little brother'. He was clearly facing an identity problem during this time, even in his home. Because Fugaku, Sasuke’s father completely ignored Sasuke and was showing his full attention towards his brother Itachi. When it comes to girls, I don’t have to say anything. They treated him like a trophy. Meaning, Everybody was expecting something from him but nobody was trying to befriend him unconditionally or approach him for who he was. 

This was explained nicely by Itachi in Itachi Shinden novel.

I wish this scene were in the Anime series. Such a warm one.

He was turning down all those girls, because like you said, they just see him as a cool boy who can do anything. And Sakura was one among them. 

If Sasuke looked like Rock Lee, would Sakura have flirted with him??? Absolutely not. 

And to play romance, there should be certain effort from Sasuke’s side, like going for dates or whatever shit, which he was never ready for. Most of all, there should be a reason when you start a relationship. Sakura never tried to reach him in a deeper level and tried to understand his sufferings and hence there were no reason. This is the case even after their marriage. Does she know about Uchiha Clan massacre's reason? Or Itachi? If she had known, she should've educated her daughter and stopped wearing that fucking clan crest on their back. And most of all, what could Sasuke talk with her if she doesn't know a single thing about him?? Their relationship was built on Editorial pressure, regrets and shallowness. Of course, If I were Sasuke, I would avoid my family by staying in my office more.

With Karin, their relationship was purely business 'I use you, you use me' kind. He was very clear about that when he formed 'Team Hebi'.

He helped Suigetsu to get Zabuza's sword and in turn Sasuke wants him to help with his goal. Same with Karin & Jugo. But it seems Sasuke respected her a lot in terms of her strength. Karin was similar to Sakura when it comes to flirting but when it comes to work she means business and can offer Sasuke a lot in terms of Chakra replenishment or sensing enemies plan while battling. That's why he treated her better than Sakura but that's all there is to it. It never went anywhere because Karin knows nothing about him. And Sasuke was not interested in forming a bond with any of Team Taka members either.

In other words, to evolve from a friendship to romance, it takes a massive effort from both sides in terms of understanding. Like I said before, Sasuke built a strong wall around his heart and he never let anyone in it as he saw it as a weakness. Sakura barely made a scratch on that wall. Just for becoming a friend takes a big effort to break that wall. How much effort do you think it takes for romance?? Instead of becoming his friend first, Sakura jumped straight into romance, which makes Sasuke uncomfortable most of the times. Hence the depressed reaction you see in Boruto.

Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side. Yet I feel a bit of that with him and Naruto.

Hmmm, I don't see Sasuke having a romantic attraction with Naruto. Romantic attraction leans towards sexual desire. But, Sasuke has more of a childlike attraction which leans towards purity and innocence, like more of a desire to be near Naruto, will never be bored even if it was for eternity and would like to look after his safety without expecting anything back.

I've seen this quite a few times.

Sasuke is not competing here, otherwise he would have walked ahead Naruto. He just wants to walk along side him.

This is that dream sequence after their fight. Sasuke, just like before, approaches Naruto by himself and listens to him intently. I am pretty sure he could do this for a whole day and still would not leave him.

LOL. Sasuke, at this moment, doesn’t gives two shit about the world. Meaning he is not missing anyone from there. The person he really wants to be with is right next to him. He even convinces Naruto that Kakashi and Sakura will do something and he doesn’t have to worry. However the moment Naruto leaves, he worries and looks around for him. 

This is what I called, an innocent attraction and the desire to be around the person you feel warm and comfortable. 

But every possibility of changing this into romance is already there. Because Naruto broke his wall long back and has a high place in his heart. A strong friendship with an innocent attraction is all there. If someday Kishi comes out and said 'Sasuke loved Naruto', I won't be surprised at all.

Sasuke being comfortable enough to show his vulnerability with Naruto and that had me thinking... is this Sasuke accepting his love for Naruto? Is this Sasuke allowing Naruto to open him and save him. It seems Naruto was the first and only person that made his way to his heart, even expanding it just a little.

I think Sasuke started to like Naruto unknowingly ever since he started to watch him secretly. Because it always makes him feel warm and fuzzy. 

But, the scars left by Itachi made Sasuke feel that having people around will always makes him weak. Meaning, The more people you love and when you lose them, you will feel weak. Hence, he was very hesitant to reach Naruto. Slowly but surely, Naruto was already making his way into Sasuke’s heart. And once they were put in the same team, he just loved Naruto unconditionally. That’s why he almost gave his life for him.

But Once Sasuke decided to leave the village, he severed all the ties with Konoha, including Kakashi and Sakura. The level of bond Sasuke had with them can be cut off by saying ‘Thank you’. But with Naruto, it takes more than that. Because for Sasuke, Naruto’s existence itself is making him weak by bringing back all the feelings he once had for him. Like Orochimaru said, Naruto has certain power to influence Sasuke’s heart. So Sasuke decided to kill him but in the end he simply couldn’t. 

Everytime Sasuke strays off the path, Naruto will always appear and remind him that he is his friend

Every time Naruto appears and talks to him, Sasuke’s heart was changing but he simply doesn’t want that and he hates that feeling. Which was why he wants to destroy Naruto and whatever he represents. What Naruto represents is a powerful bond between Sasuke and Naruto.

In the final fight, he simply couldn’t cut that bond even though he had a chance to kill. These bipolar battles are what he was fighting all along internally. And finally accepts that he lost and was happy for it. Those words, ‘I lost’ meant he lost the fight physically and mentally he had with Naruto and was ready to totally embrace the feelings he already had.  

It’s not Naruto who was expanding Sasuke’s heart a little, Sasuke already gave a wide berth for Naruto and one day decided to close it. In the end, he couldn’t. 

I can’t help but feel like Naruto could possibly be bi with women preference or don’t realize it. I can’t help but feel like Sasuke might be gay or bi. I don’t want to state it as a fact because we don’t know their sexualities canon wise plus I want to respect the author’s creation however I can’t see those two as straight, especially Sasuke.

As for their sexualities, I seriously could not conclude anything. But from the way Naruto behaves, he certainly looks like a closeted bisexual just like Kishimoto. And Kishi was not hold his guns in this aspect at all, he went all out in the Manga chapter 347. 

I mean it was evident from the way he casted Multiple Reverse Harem no jutsu before Kaguya without any reaction but when Konohamaru did the same Jutsu with Sai and Sasuke, he looked visibly disgusted.

Why to react extremely when Konohamaru is doing the same as you? Probably he doesnt like Sasuke in this jutsu I guess. LOL.

When asked about that ‘accidental’ kiss again, he reacts visibly disgusted but at the same time with a Nosebleed. This screams ‘Closet bisexual’ to me.

As for Sasuke, I simply see him as close to Asexual and possibly demisexual for Naruto.

Why Asexual?

Because Kishi purposefully made Sasuke to be in certain awkward scenes and on top of it, he painted an over sexualized aura all over him, in part II of the manga. It was evident from his bare chested costumes and the way characters like Karin behaves around him. In the same chapter 347, Kishi went all out for Sasuke too.

I don’t even know why Kishi made this scene. But it certainly shows Sasuke wasn’t bothered by a naked man at all unlike Naruto who acted disgusted.

I simply cannot see Sasuke will be romantically attracted to someone if they cannot form a strong bond with him. And to form that kind of bond is not an easy task. But even for a demisexual, there will be a preference. and his preference were not any of those girls especially Sakura. So, I can safely say, if he ever wants to be romantic, all the possibilities points towards Naruto. Because of certain obsession he has towards Naruto throughout the War arc.  

Believe me, Obsession comes from two ways. You will be obsessed on someone whom you hate to your bone because of what they did to you. Most possibly, a hard betrayal. Or, You will be obsessed on someone who you love above yourself. 

Itachi falls under the first category (that’s why when Sasuke was told Itachi was good all along, he couldn’t accept the fact that he hated him for wrong reasons and he snapped and went onto a killing spree because of that obsession. Even though he was sane after losing his parents) and Naruto falls in the later.

Like he was basically saying ‘Naruto is my person. Only I can kill him, he is not yours’ to Obito when he was trying to kill Naruto. And where did these obsession comes from provided Naruto never betrayed him in any which ways? Because of all the past he had with him and he was already in love but was trying to deny it.

Anyways at the end of the day, I don’t mind their sexualities at all. What matters is how they prioritizes each other at any given situations without an ounce of regrets. Because, like I always say, their bond transcends way beyond Marriage, Children and Sex. 

Hope my answer helps :-)

[shadowqnights]

Random question but what are the main differences in parenting styles between Laurance and Garroth?

i am struggling to find a good answer for this but i think its more at the end of the day both laur and garroth are the products of their respective upbringings and garroth in particular is trying very hard to break a long cycle of shitty family experiences passed from generation to generation of the ro'meaves.

you'd think laur is the free spirited parent who encourages autonomy and freedom of choice but the fact is that laur and garroth are determined to give malachi the childhood that *they* never got. of course its also a bit different because malachi has already lost their childhood and no matter how young they look theyve lost as much of their life as the adults have. but they have a second chance and they *can* still be a child so of course laur and garroth are breaking the patterns expected of them. above all they want malachi happy.

but...

laurance sees himself in malachi, and so he kind of wants to see them in an environment where they get everything they god damn want. a good house? a good life? someone to talk to? materialistic useless possessions? a life in which they dont have to survive and simply *live?* they got it without question. thats what he thinks is best, and in that regard its easy to walk all over laurance because he's driven purely by malachi's desires and if they decided to be a little shit and go 'hahahahha nooooo dad i want a mansion' laur is like 'welp guess im stuck in phoenix drop for the next 20 years saving up for a fucking mansion for my kid' and that's just the way it goes. this bitch exploitable, or at least laughs nervously and goes 'haha i dont think so hahaha *intends to do it anyway*'. garroth just says no.

i guess the difference is that garroth tends to focus on *himself*. hes self centered. "am i doing a good job am i being a good father am i doing everything i can to make this kid happy am *i* doing what they need what do i need to do to make sure I don't repeat past mistakes" type beat. garroth is a lot more strict as well because of this. of course he can have fun sometimes but his concern is going to be being the protector and voice of reason - making sure his kid is safe and not suffocated. hes gonna be the guardian. the second he starts feeling like his own father he distances himself.

hes purely driven by "am I doing okay" whereas laurance is "is malachi okay"

no idea if that helps or not

[jared-19-cant-reid]

A Study In Behavior: Chapter 1

A Study In Behavior (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 1: Obsession

Rating: G

Word Count: 1.8K

Series Summary: When you signed up for Professor Reid’s class, you were expecting a low effort but interesting class to fill your psychology elective credit. Instead, your fascination with the professor leaves you spending more time than you’d expected in office hours. 

Chapter Summary: A strange dream and an unusual professor make today’s lecture much more interesting than you thought it would be.

Warnings: teacher/student relationship, cursing, mentions of anxiety, suggestive language, implied age gap.

A/N: I’m planning on making this an eventual smut slow burn, since this is one of my favorite tropes and I want to make it a Realistic daydream lmao. This chapter is focused on introducing you to the world, reader, and this version of Spencer. Lots of potential here, I already have a million different ideas of how this should go... as always dms and asks are open!

~

The pattering of rain on the tin roof seemed to crescendo, a million drummers tapping out a perpetual drumroll on steel drums above your head. You’d always complained you couldn’t hear yourself think with all that noise, but you missed it despite yourself when you left Seattle for college. You were pulled away from that brief moment of self awareness by the touch of a cold hand, clutching yours as if you might be snatched away at any moment if the grip were to loosen.

You opened your eyes, finding yourself in a bed you knew all too well. A bed you’d spent too many hours in, slept too many nights in, and yet was not your own. Turning your head to the right, you took in the sight of your sleeping mother, her expression of serenity contradicted by the deep creases in her face, betraying the frown that she wore most of her waking life. Your gaze trailed down to your hand in hers; her knuckles were turning white from her tight grip, but you didn’t feel any pain. 

Laying next to her, you watched her face for what felt like hours as her chest rose and fell in the lazy patterns of slumber, too afraid of waking her with your movement to breathe. She almost looked happy like this. Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by a loud beeping sound. You looked around for the offending fire alarm, but as you scanned the ceiling it began to dissolve before your eyes, the grip on your hand loosening until you broke free from the scene fully.

~

You opened your eyes with a start as you sat up quickly, feeling out of place in your own room. You were a painting placed in the wrong section of a museum, an unintentional imposter. Nails digging into your comforter, you tried in vain to slow your shallow breaths as you looked around wildly for something to remind you of where you were, of who you were. 

Your eyes skipped from your stack of  records from your childhood leaning casually against the wall beside the record player on your desk, to the stacks of books watching over you from the top of your bookshelf, unable to fit on the shelves but too close to your heart to part with. Your gaze finally settled on the floor, taking in the mess you’d been meaning to clean up for days now. 

As you returned to your body, you could no longer ignore the blaring of your alarm, groaning as you reached for your phone on the nightstand. A glance at the screen had you shooting out of bed. Shit, I have to be at class in 20 minutes. You got up, muttering to yourself about how 8 A.M. classes should be considered cruel and unusual punishment, and maneuvered around your clothes strewn across the floor. 

As you raced to your closet, your eyes scanned the clothes you owned, speeding through mental images of a million combinations before giving up and reaching for your comfort clothes. You pulled on the green high waisted cargo pants that you’d owned since high school. Nobody to impress in this class anyway, you reasoned, grabbing the fitted white crop top that your friend had embroidered your name on. 

You tore through the apartment in the most violent and rushed performance of a morning routine the world had ever seen, only half trying to keep quiet for the sake of your neighbors. Hair tangled between your fingers and makeup was swiped on haphazardly as you struggled to make yourself presentable, cursing at the time and throwing random belongings in your bag.

Calling out a goodbye to your roommate only to be met with silence, you realized that in your frenzy you had forgotten that no sane college student would willingly be up at this hour. Shaking your head as you rushed out of your building, you mused that you’d just gotten all your stupid mistakes for today over with quite efficiently. 

Three years of mediocre dorm experiences had left you desperate for a change, and luckily your now-roommate Jordan volunteered to split the rent for the 2 bedroom you now called home. You’d both agreed to ignore whatever ghost stories scared off previous residents and earned you a fair price for a decent place close to campus; ghosts would just add a little intrigue to your domestic life, you’d joked. 

Checking the time once more, you cursed under your breath and broke out into a run. God, I should work out more, you thought as your lungs began to burn, I wouldn’t stand a chance in a zombie apocalypse. Racing through campus, you finally reached the doors of the lecture hall that held your class��� which had started three minutes prior. You tried to catch your breath before opening the door, cringing as you heard the professor pause mid-lecture. 

You tried not to meet anyone’s gaze as you quickly made your way to a seat. The first one you could find was in the third row-- close enough to the front to make out the facial expressions of your professor, who had continued his train of thought after you entered, choosing to ignore you in favor of finishing his idea. 

As you got settled and tuned into the lecture, you realized the professor was still reviewing the syllabus. Pulling it up on your laptop, you looked at the top to remind yourself of his name: Dr. Spencer Reid. Finally looking up, your mind went blank. Oh. Not only was your professor way younger than you’d expected, he was... well, attractive. Thats’s a reasonable objective assessment, right? You knew he was just as knowledgeable as older professors-- you’d chosen this course for its fantastic reviews from previous students-- but his youth was a welcome change from the dinosaurs you were so used to in the neuroscience department. 

As you studied him, you only became more sure in your original assessment; he was tall, with tousled brunet hair and a face that was… well, unfair. You weren’t surprised to catch a few other girls unabashedly staring at him, clearly drooling over the man as he spoke animatedly about his favorite parts of the course. 

You shook yourself-- this man was your professor. You shouldn’t think about how attractive he is, it’s unprofessional. You also shouldn’t look at his hands the way you are right now, following them as he gestured along with his words you still weren’t paying attention to. You definitely shouldn’t think about what those hands could do. 

Oh my god, snap out of it, you reprimanded yourself, you can’t afford to spend the semester fantasizing about your professor, focus on the class! You finally tuned in to the lecture, catching the end of what sounded like a tangent about the difference between triggers and stressors. For the rest of the class, you listened intently, drawn in by Professor Reid’s clear excitement about the topic. 

Your efforts to ignore your professor’s appearance were somewhat successful, but as you listened to him speak passionately about the value of profiling as a tool for certain types of criminal investigations, you knew you were done for. His excitement about sharing his knowledge left you fighting back a smile, watching intently as he gestured wildly. You’d always liked listening to fellow nerds, eagerly basking in the pure delight beaming from their faces as they ranted about their subject of interest.

You sighed internally, preparing yourself for a semester of unreasonable dedication to this class, which was meant to be your chill psych elective to leave you more time to spend in the lab. It’s not like this topic wasn’t interesting to you, it was just that you weren’t expecting to be obsessed with it-- or more accurately, the man teaching it.

Before you knew it, the class was over. Professor Reid told everyone to finish the assigned reading by next class in preparation for a discussion, dismissing the class and walking over to his desk. You gathered up your belongings and the remnants of your dignity before slowly making your way to the exit, lost in thought about the overlap between your field and his. 

Your feet changed course before you could stop to think about what you were doing. When you tuned back in, you were horrified to find that you were walking towards Professor Reid. Right when you were about to turn around and try to escape without further embarrassment, you were stopped by his curious but friendly gaze. Ignoring your inner voice’s screams of horror, you composed yourself and made your way over to his desk. 

He spoke before you could, greeting you with a small smile and a polite “how can I help you?”

“Hi! Um, I just wanted to come apologize for being late today. I promise, it’s really unlike me, and I just don’t want you to think that I don’t care about your class or anything, because it seems really cool so far and I’m so interested in seeing how this could apply to my research and I was only really late because of this dream I had-”

You stopped before going into detail, saving yourself from your nervous rambling, and he spoke your name hesitantly. Your confusion must have been apparent on your face, because he looked at your chest, clearly having made the connection from the word embroidered on it. The devil on your shoulder whispered that his eyes had lingered there longer than they needed to, but you dismissed that thought quickly. 

“There’s no need to apologize, as long as you don’t make a habit of it we should be fine,” he reassured you, “and judging from how well you paid attention today, I have no doubt you’ll more than make up for it next class in the discussion.”

You bit back a smile at his praise, shocked he’d noticed you at all. You thanked your lucky stars he’d interpreted your staring as interest in the class, rather than the glaring sign of attraction that it would easily be identified as in any other setting. You quickly nodded, thanking him for his understanding and promising it wouldn’t happen again before exchanging goodbyes as you turned and walked out of the room. 

Bursting out of the lecture hall, you finally filled your lungs with air fully, trying to regain some sense of control over your feelings. As you walked to the library to study, your mind wandered back to Professor Reid. It’s not like he’d ever feel the same way, what’s the harm in a little daydreaming? You decided you could live with a harmless crush. Keeps things interesting, you thought. Stepping into your castle of books, you pushed the events of the morning to the back of your mind, but one thought lingered: This is going to be one hell of a semester.

[huearmy]

Not My Friend.

Summary: Yoongi is a ordinary house cat hybrid with an ok life and a huge crush in his ower’s friend. Even if Y/N always treated him lovelly and as an equal he is all insecurities and thoughts of  rejection about being a hybrid, without imagining that the feeling can be reciprocal.

Pairing: cat!Yoongi x human!Reader

Genre: FLUFF, angst,  slight smut.

Words:  3737.

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: not grafic description/mention of sex.

gif is not mine.

Yoongi was kind of pissed, slightly upset... Absolutely stressed. The lights and loud music of the club did'nt help,  the drunk people ingnoring him, dancing around him as if he don't exist, neither. Is unusual for him feel so bad about being who he is, but today is a day that everything screams that he is less than everyone and it won't change. He brought the last swig of his drink to his lips, sad that he could'nt get another one alone, and for the sake of his pride he would'nd ask to Namjoon.

Is also unusual for Yoongi to argue with his friend and brother Namjoon, but today is a day that things got ugly. "You know that I love you hyung. For me we are equals, but is not like this for others. Even if my friends like you, they still seeing you as my pet.". It hurted. Hurts. Because is true, and Yoongi knows it.

And it hurts so... so bad... Because for a second he belived otherwise.

The discussion started when Yoongi thought he could share with his friend the feelings he have for you. You, the pretty human friend of Namjoon, the girl who is usualy at their house with no reason, the one that give the greatest pets ever and whose conversation is so good that he wouldn’t mind that you definitely lived with him. It took too long, but when Yoongi figured out his interest in you being a really romantic thing he was so happy he couldn’t keep to himself. 

“What do you think, Namjoon? How should I tell her?”

It's obvious to Yoongi that the negative reaction of Namjoon was caring, he knows his friend well enough. It wasn’t his intention to freak out and smash Yoongi heart.  He is trying to protect me. He told himself for the hundredth time, fighting against resentment. He discarted his plastic cup in defeat.

And there was you. The reason of his frustration. Oblivious at his issues, dancing with your friends. Namjoon's friends. Not his friends. His stomach droped.

Yoongi sighed. He can't just not stare at you. You are so beautiful to him, feeling yourself while dancing with your eyes closed, your pretty hair swinging around your delicate shouders, hips moving with the music naturaly - because you love dancing even if you are not goot at all. Another music started making you jump and sing. He almost can smell you now.

If he wasn't a scared cat... A hybrid cat... He would be dancing with you, talking in your ears, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you close, maybe kissing you... not only picturing it in his mind. But he is a pet, not a normal guy who you would like to flirt with.

He sighed again. He  remembering clearly when he first meet you two years ago.

____________________________________

Namjoon was a freshman in college, excited with everything new, the new apartament, new city, new knowledge, new friends... Every day he would enter trough the door, drop himself on the couch and speak his day out. Yoongi would listen, commenting on a thing or other once in a while. Your name was present in most stories, or the stories were about you. "I was trying to makes myself clear to the philosophy teacher when this girl spoke. She conclued my trought and argued for herself shuting up the teacher.", or "Remember that girl? Her name is Y/N and we get coffee together today. She is amazing, dude.", and "Y/N made an asshole cry today, seriuosly, she is beautful. She have that 'I don't give a fuck' atitude, you would love her, hyung". And Namjoon was right, as always.

It was on a day that Yoongi was feeling clingy and dependent of Namjoon's full attention but he was supposed to do a project with you in your place though. So insted of cancel with you to spend the day watching Netflix with Yoongi, the younger boy opted for bringing the hybrid to your apartament too.

“Dont worry, hyung. Y/N told me to bring you. Actually she was anxious to know you, she likes cute things you know...”

“Shut up.”

The poor cat was hating every second of it till you opened the door. You treated him as a old friend, greeting him with a genuine smile e tight hug.

"Enter you both and make the home yours. I bought snacks... And! I used that drive you gave me, Joonie, and already started the dissertation... You can revise if want to. It won't take so long as we through, then we can get fat cuddling on my couch."

Yoongi get unsure with you straightforward behavior at the time. But your focus was to finish your and Namjoon's work so he could get Netflix and cuddles as much as he wanted. You made coffee with cream when he said he like it and listened his complains about Namjoon breaking everything.

“Seriously is his third classes this year and we are in May.” Yoongi grunted making you laugh.

"I noticed it! Joonie always talk about you repair skills, though." 

"What else he talks about me?"

You laughed throwing your head back. You both were alone in the living room, sharing a blanket.

" A lot of things!” You said “That you are savage but actually a baby... That you are a good roommate to live with... And if I ever need a a good pianist, sincere advises, or help to hide a dead body, you are the man..."

"Oh..." 

He didn’t expected the two of you to talk much about him.

"And what Joonie told you about me?" You rested your chin in your palm. He take some instants to answer, and as if his brain are of jelly, it went terrible.

"He said I would love you."

Yoongi expected for a rispid response or for you to change the subject, or at least you’d laugh, somethig like it, but no. He would learn later how unpredictable you can be sometimes.

"And do you?" You asked in real interest, looking into his eyes. His cheeks turned pink, and you by instinct brought a hand to his hair and ears. You cooed "Sorry, Yoongs."

____________________________________

Thats right. You are nice to him... Gentle and kind... Always respectfull... You would enter his space and make him comfortable, or respect his distance when his not in the mood. Make silly things just to see his gummy smile and then pet his ears for hours. If any of your friends make fun of him you defend him and then make fun of them lighting the air. The fact of him being a hybrid never seems to bother you or changed the way you treated him.

He had hopes.

But he was just a pet... And you would never look at him the way he looks at you. Mesmerized by the club lights passing over your dancing body, changing color and pattern, he let himself sink a little more in self pity.

As if you could feel his dark troughts you opened your eyes and looked right trough his. His ears rose, tail moving unconscious behind him. You walked straight to him, concerned, ignoring every intoxicated person dancing in your way.

"What's wrong Yoongs?" You raised your voice because of the loud music. "Don't tell me that's nothing."

Yoongi licked his lips nervously. "I not feeling like partying. But Namjoon is having fun so I can't ask to go home now."

You seemed tipsy, he could smell the alcohol on you, along with that sweet perfume that you love and he hates, and your own scent that he loves.

You looked around, maybe looking for Namjoon, face thoughtful, wrinkling your nose cutely. Your tiny hand found it's way to his larger one, and instinctively he hold it tight. Yoongi love holding hands, especially with you.

Suddenly you smiled excited to him, getting closer to his face. So close he could kiss you...

"Do you want another drink?" You asked right in his ear, without get away an inch from him.

"What?" Yoongi asked, not understanding the purpose of the question.

Your smile spread devilishly.

"Dance with me, Yoongs. If you continue wanting to leave I'll get you home."

And then you were pulling him towards the dancing floor.

___________________________________

"Are you sure you want to do it?" His lover's voice got serious, eyes searching for his reassurance.

"I am." He answered not thinking twice.

His lover's smile were so pure and beautiful and genuine and happy that filled him of happyness too.

____________________________________

Yoongi woke up happy. He woke up in a bed that wasn't his. He didn't have to look around to recognize the room he was, the bedsheets were impregnated with your fragrance. The room was dark, the only light coming from a fissure between the curtains. He closed his eyes again, holding tight in a pillow and breathing deep. He still felt sleepy but couldn't stop his mind to revive last night.

You both danced and laughed and drinked and kissed. You made out in the club, in the Uber's backseat, in your couch...

He was naked on your bed. Things didn't stop in just make out.

Yoongi can remember clearly the view of your naked body in front of him for the first time, the lines of your silhouette, how it felt under his hands, so smooth. The way you took of his collar, never breaking eye contact, and then kissed him sweetly before riding him. How your fingers intertwined with his while he thrusted into you till you shake. Beautiful beneath him, repeating his name in moans in his soft black ears, nails finding it's way in his scalp. Your soft skin against his when everything you both could do was heavy breathing, too tired to even pull out of you. Praising him you kissed his lips again and held him close to your bare chest, playing with his hair the way he likes so much.

He never slept so well. Never felt so well with someone.

And then he realized... Where was you? Fully awake now, he searched for you under the fluffy blankets, finding nothing but your empty side of the bed. He slightly panicked.

His jeans were on the ground, beside your discarded dress, but his shirt wasn't anywhere to be seen. Would be a problem he wandering through your apartment shirtless? A ding caught his attention for a forgot cellphone under your desk chair. It was just a notification of low battery, but there were also  five calls and some massages from Namjoon:

[03:18 am]: hyung I'm sorry. rly.

[03:18 am]: where are you?

[03:21 am]:  I'm worried. call me back.

And then the phone died.

"Shit." He needed a charger urgent. Knowing his friend maybe he was already searching for Yoongi in hospitals, morgues and shelters.

He went to the door and suddenly stopped, hand on knob, the thought of calling Namjoon back totally erased of his mind.

You wasn't in bed with him unlike as Yoongi imagined his first morning with you. He should had woke with you in his arms, you would say "good morning" to each other in a meaningful way, then he would give little kisses in your whole face, treading to your lips to a real kiss, you would get embarrassed and hide your red cheeks in his chest... He woke up alone instead.

What if you regretted everything? You could awakened with hangover and regretted the one night stand. Or feeling awkward for sleeping with him... Or disgusted. And if you woke up and realized that you had sex with a hybrid and regretted?  It wouldn't be the first experience Yoongi of this kind. A disposable kink or drunken mistake... It would hurt...

No.

You are different. After the night you had together he could trust you.

Even if you don't feel the same as him... You wouldn't kick him out of your apartment... Or cut him off of your life...

Right?

"Stop being idiot, Yoongi." He told himself. "At least you have Namjoon to buy you beer in the worst case."

Music was playing in your kitchen, a amazing smell of eggs, bacon and something sweet come meet him in the corridor.  Yoongi found you humming happily, holding the door of the fridge open while searching for something.

"I'm running out of milk..." You whispered to yourself. Wearing a purple silk robe and your fluffy slippers you closed the fridge door without taking anything from inside. You did not heard Yoongi enter the kitchen neither expected him to hug you from behind, pulling your back against his chest, arms crossed in your waist. So didn't he. But you were so cute, with messy hair and being just your always self, his own scent still on you. His concerns gone, Yoongi couldn't help it unless be straightforward and reach for your touch.

You let out a yelp of surprise, grabbing his forearms, slightly sticking your nails on it. He chuckled softly at your heart rate speed up.

"Jesus, Yoongs... How are you so quiet?". You said with a hand on heart, already relaxing in his embrace.

"Sorry." His deep morning voice took you by surprise once more, spreading a shiver all over your body, making your silly mind remember the last night events, just to you get flustered. You were so chill until right now, damn. When you woke up facing a sound asleep cat, thigtly holding you close to him, you needed to hold yourself on to not squirm in excitement. Your fear was to make the atmosphere awkward between you two after being friends for so long. So you chilled up and planned to do everything right.

"You was supposed to be sleeping..." You scolded him, turning in his arms to face him, with red cheeks and pouting. "I'd take breakfast in bed for you."

Shock stamped up Yoongi's features. "Really?"

Your face reddened, suddenly the white wall was more interesting. "Really... I must treat you well."

You always treat me well, Y/N. Yoongi through to himself, but by your tone and the slight smirk in your adorable lips, he could tell the difference. "Ok.". He gulped.

"Since you are here... Sit." You said, getting apart from him. "I'll feed my Yoongs.".

Instantly he felt the loss of your warmth and contact, but at the same time he melted with the sound of your voice calling him "my Yoongs". Once you turned your attention back to breakfast again, he choose the chair next to the window, where there was sunlight and he could see the busy avenue  below - many cars going to somewhere, and people like tiny ants doing their own thing in their own lives, and the river running and shining below the bridge, on the other side was the park Yoongi like to go with you...  You were singing along with the music now, serving the table before him, your cleavage exposed by the robe - apparently you were wearing nothing else... Maybe panties too... He scolded himself, biting his thumb's nail to focus on something else, but then he noticed hickeys in the curve of your breasts and in your neck.

"Fuck." He whispered.

But in your not too large kitchen, you listened it clearly.

"What was it?" You let ou a nervous giggle.

"Nothing." Yoongi rested his elbows in the table, hiding face in hands. He couldn't handle look at you with the thought of biting and marking you and make you his and his only in mind. Last night he did so much effort to not do it without your consent, and even more effort to not ask, afraid of rejection.

You brought him back from his dreaminess, pulling him against you, petting his ears and hair. His tense body relaxed instantly.

"Did you sleep well? Need aspirin for headache or something?" You quietly asked, resting your chin on top of his head.

"No. I'm ok." He snuggled his face in the tender skin, scenting you.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. You hummed.

"Oh!" You frozed. "Namjoon is super worried about you...! Like... He called me twenty-four times and left thousands of voice mails and massages..."

He licked his lips.

"I need a charger to tell him I'm ok."

You pout.

"I already did it, silly. I told him you are here with me, safe and sound, and that I won't give you back till you get grumpy.". He smiled and you mirrored it. Then you got serious, tracing his jawline with your index finger. "He think you are upset with him... and you really was not ok yesterday. What happened?"

Yoongi gulped. He can be sincere with you.

"Namjoon can be an asshole sometimes. We argued, and I disappeared from the club, my phone is dead so..."

"It seems you are giving him the cold shoulder." You pointed.

"I'm not." He finally closed his arms around you. " I just forget about him when with you."

Your heart speeded up again, making him smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Due to his hesitancy, you added. "You don't need to."

"He told me to not expect too much from our... His friends. 'Cuz most of them only see me as a pet of him."

You remained silent for a moment, and then sighed.

"We really have some friends that are... Ignorants. And we can't do anything about it. But there's Hoseok and Jin who understand that hybrids aren't different of humans, and is obvious for me how much they like you."

"I know... I know." Yoongi pressed his eyes tightly. "We argued because... being an hybrid there's limits that I can't cross... At some point I'll be repelled, even by Hoseok, Jin..." He gulped again. "Even by you."

You pulled away, eyebrows joinig in irritation. Your words sounded offended.

"Seriously, Yoongi? After years knowing each other, didn't I make my positioning and support to hybrid clear? Or my affection for you? For heaven's sake...! We had sex. How can you doubt..."

"It wouldn't be the first time of being the fetish of someone that thinks I'm not a man at all." He interrupted.

You shuted up.

The angry expression faded away from your features, replaced by shock and then sadness. In your absence of words, Yoongi continued.

"I was afraid you would regret last night... I even through you would cut me off of your life, or at least kick me out of the apartment..." He let out a mockery laugh, not handling to look you in the eyes anymore. "You will be judged for sleeping with a hybrid. And I don't want it. Don't want you being treated differently by anyone...".

You approached again, taking his face in your tiny hands, lovely caressing his cheeks with your soft thumbs - just like last night, and he almost expected for you to kiss him. You were being soft and caring, but at same time, firmly make him look you straight in the eyes.

"I'm already judged, Yoongs. A lot of people think I'm fool and talk about me behind my back." The voice that reached his ears was so soft now. You opened a smile of pure pride. "And I don't give a damn.".

He couldn’t break eye contact, he couldn't dare to blink and lost a second of the sight of you.

"It don't matter for me race, gender, age, sexual orientation... If you have fluffy ears and tail or not. I'll love and respect everybody equally. At least I try, reading about and listening, and learning what I don’t know. You can always tell me what you are felling or where I’m failing..." 

You have beautiful eyes and now they were sad again.

"I don't care about what those...bastards talk about hybrids... And I'm sorry for your past experiences..." You took a deep breath. Thinking in someone having the opportunity of be with Yoongi and choosing to break his heart make you sick. "For me you are an amazing man.".

"These words mean the world to me, Y/N." Yoongi said in his breath, feeling belonging as never before. 

"You welcome, Yoongs."

___________________________________

A lazy saturday came along after this. You both spend all day cuddling in the couch, netflix on, or sharing earphones, and chit chating here and there. When the hunger came you ordered take out and decided who would get up and pay the delivery guy with rock paper and scissors. Yoongi lost it, but you got up anyways to pick plates and forks. And then you were tangled under the covers once more.

Hanging out like this is not unusual for you two. But it felt odd for Yoongi, different from before, like it was the first time. Sleeply observing you scrolling through your social media, Yoongi conclued that If having sex with you didn't ruined the friendship you have, expressing his feelings probably would.

But Yoongi wanted be in the same page as you.

You were watching a video on Instagram, not really focused on it, with your free hand playing with his hair, making him even more sleepy. You could feel his gaze on you, but besides the butterflys in your belly, it doesn't make you uncomfortable at all. 

"Y/N..." He said in his low voice.

"Humm?" Blocking the cellphone's screen, you stared back at him. Your nose at centimeters from his.

He took your hand, circulating his thumb in the torso of it in a caring way. The gesture not passing unnoticed by you.

"I need you to know... Even if it isn't reciprocal... Last night had a whole meaning for me. I like like you, Y/N."

You stated at him in silence for a moment,  making the whole world freeze. Before the conversation you both had in the kitchen that morning, Yoongi would be panicking, already regretting telling you such a thing. Now he just waited.

Like he wanted to, you smiled. With your beautiful lips, warm eyes, and all your body too.

"I know, sleepyhead."

You leaned to him, he came to you too, no hesitation. And that's it. He was kissing you again. 

"We must talk about this reciprocity thing later." You whispered against his mouth.

Yoongi was kind of horny, slightly euphoric... Absolutely happy. 

___________________________________

So, I really hope you liked it, pls interact, tell what you think... I’ll be posting more if I have a good feedback, probably a witch!au with Jin :) kiss kiss pls I dont want to be insecure about it kiss kiss.

[paint-music-with-me]

Man, that ep tho 👀

Now I get why they made an emphasis in ep 5-6 (can't rmr which one) that Phu is blunt and straightforward. Cuz he gon pull this shit in ep8 😔 I'm super mad about his reaction... but at the same time tbh I get it? A slight big problem for me about it is that...how do I put this...the Action part of the story (Sakda's men and the Ghost Hill house) was shoved in too fast on top of his reaction? I mean, it's been growing ik but I guess what I'm trying to say is the scenes/transitions that lead to Phu doing his job (the guns, searching, planning with the other guards) felt very abrupt and out of sync. Emotionally, it felt like something he needed to do to avoid his feelings about Tian's reveal (cuz thats what we're assuming) rather than be another task that he must do and balance his emotions with his job. Does that make sense? I'm not saying he can't do both but visually...it felt off. Visually it felt like an avoidance rather than another thing on his plate that he has to focus on...

I guess where I'm going for is: maybe one transition scene could be that a guard (not Rang/Yod) comes in and tells Phu about new info about Sakda's men. Phu is still pissed abt Tian so he gets all "😤 lets get 'em boys". Maybe Rang/Yod tries to stop him (part of why I wish there was a scene where Yod hears Tian explain death to the kid at the school and maybe vouch for him) bc "yo bro don't u think you're getting too ahead of yourself?" And Phu is all "this is my job, protecting a village, not babysitting a teacher". At least here, there is the distinction or an indication of how he is understanding his feelings and his job. At least for me, anyway 👀

Also! this is purely my defensiveness coming out bc as an audience who is exposed to so much dramatic irony it hurts, ima call out Phu on him being that mad at Tian for LYING. That's the thing that gets me. He out here saying "oh Tian u lied I am disappointed in u" like bruh? Didn't u ask ur officers to lie to the villagers about Torfun's death?? And mind you, a lot LONGER than Tian, more than 7 months? Tian only came to the village 2 months after his surgery bc of PT. So explain that! -> though ofc he is probably projecting onto Tian bc of his own guilt that he didn't tell the villagers himself and so to have Tian do it with this heavy of importance attached to his involvement with Torfun, Phu's emotions rlly got the best of him....but still

Also that fucking pattern of "the 5 times Tian collapsed, and the one time Phu collapsed" like bruh I didn't need that thank yew bye 🤚🙃

Then as much as I'm happy Tian didn't kill Torfun by being the driver, I get where he's coming from with his guilt cuz he still asked his friend to drive the car. Though, what's up with Prem (the friend)? Is he good? Like he was the driver....is he in therapy?? Did he go on an adventure to a rural village where he learns how to cope with his guilt and learn self-forgiveness?

Also can we just appreciate the Best Boy, Longtae??? Like he rlly is Best Boy. Like his POV must be so wild, cuz he was only given one side of the story (not knowing Tian was involved in Torfun's death) and then when the village only got one side, he got both and now he's in a weird position to understand his feelings about all of it. Like imagine your good friend, who you did your best to empathize and understand then tells you something else, a little addition to the story he gave you that was already personal and scary for him to tell. And now you understand WHY it was hard to tell. Like goddamn. And still Longtae went to Tian to talk and understand further Like bro that's beautiful. That's some communication right there dude.

Omg, (Sorry I have so many thoughts hehe) can we also talk about the kid that SNEAKED out of her house to talk to Tian??? Like bruhh she did that!! Though I wish I got to Tian explain death to her, I think that would've been really interesting because of his own personal thoughts. He was so ready to die and then he gets to live because someone had to. I think from there, especially if Yod was there listening, maybe at least two people would start to get a look into how Tian really thinks about himself and the way he sees life. Damn, wish they did that (part of the argument for making Phu's transitions in his job and his feelings a lot better cuz Yod could maybe vouch for Tian idk 👀)

Omg how could I forget about the villagers?? So for me, I don't mind the villagers' reactions too much?? I guess it depends on how Tian specifically said what he said to them (I'm merely thinking of the language barrier cuz the way I interpret the translation could be different from how it actually is). Cuz yeah, I'm sure they have their questions: how did he "kill" her? What happened? Etc.

But the way I see is this: they are catching up on their grief. They are searching for a place in their heart to understand everything that was revealed. Like this dude came in from no where instead of the regular sweet girl that you've come to love and admire and he messes things up and does his best to fix things. He's a sweet knucklehead and you begin to love him too. Then he reveals that the reason why he is alive and in your village is because he was involved in the death ("killed" from the translations) of the sweet girl you've known for idk how many years, def longer than knowing him. And then add on to the fact that he's been staying there for MONTHS. It's a lot to process.

Tbh the best way to sum up their feelings was how that one woman put her hand in front of Tian's face and looked away from him as she passed Tian after putting down flowers. It was perfect because they need time. Emotions are so weird and not so easily one thing or another, especially grief. I'm making this point cuz I've noticed that some ppl have brought up concerns abt the villagers' reactions which is ofc valid. It IS weird how they're reacting, not asking questions, immediately ignoring him. But I would argue thats also a village mindset. I've been there, village people stick together and sometimes the vibe of a village can set the precedent of how they'll feel about a newcomer. So something this big and shocking? Yeah, they ain't gon wanna talk to Tian for a hot second.

Anyway, the ep was interesting 👀 in terms of pacing because the Action came at an odd angle once Tian's secret was revealed. (Omg I also didn't expect Phu to find out at the same time Tian was telling the villagers about his involvement with Torfun) But with the ending they gave, I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW ALL THIS GON ADD UP??? LIKE WHAT ABOUT SAKDA'S MEN??? WHAT ABOUT THE SMUGGLING?? WHAT ABOUT PHU??? WHAT IS TIAN'S DAD GON DO??? WILL PHU WAKE UP??? WILL TIAN LEARN TO FORGIVE HIMSELF?!??! WILL HE BE ABLE TO COUNT 1000 STARS!!?

[tema-makes-art-sometimes]

Just saw your vent post and I think diving into your self indulgent stuff might help. For me personally, when working on original stuff, that's when I'll think about things like appealing to others/marketability/etc, but when it comes to fandom stuff, the only audience I care to pander to is Me, Myself, and I. Other people sometimes end up liking it, mostly it just goes ignored, maybe a like by a mutual if they see it. I prefer it this way, since worrying about appealing to more people when writing fanfic makes it feel too much like Writing I Do For Work, and I even never use betas for that same reason, it makes it feel too much like Work Writing, when fandom is Fun Writing.

I'm not sure what you do outside of fandom, but you have so much creativity, I've kinda assumed you've either been doing creative work or are studying to go into it--I can see you in a character design shop tbh, I can see Pin being a villain people would just eat up and love or love to hate.

If you're in a creative field, I feel like it's just good practice to go into Work Creative Space and Fandom Creative Space with different intents, if anything for the sake of mental health, as I've been in a very similar place, where silence on my fandom work would make me rethink what I'm doing, make me want to retcon WIPs, thinking "Maybe if I change this to that or this ship to that ship or change this character to be closer to fanon, more people will want to read/will comment/whatever".

You sound like you already very well know this isn't a healthy mindset, so I'm not going to go into that. I'll just say dive into that self indulgence, whether or not you're doing original creative work in the background as a job/part of study. You have great stuff, but audiences can get burned out just like creatives do. Sometimes it's because they're also creatives. Sometimes it's just burn out from seeing so much art/writing/media ALL THE TIME.

Something a professor told me was that if you got to go to an art museum, and you tried to really appreciate each piece, you'd end up exhausted before finishing even one section of the museum. This can lead to the 'mindless scrolling' a lot of the time. Fandom is becoming a large part of a lot of people's lives, but for most people, it's secondary or even tertiary media, and they're already putting a lot of energy into enjoying and appreciating the media they're in fandoms for. (Yes, there are some people who 'set fire to canon' and are in the center area of a fandom, but most people are closer to the sides, occasionally popping in from time to time but not setting up tents, if that makes sense.) So many of those people just don't have the energy to really get involved with a lot of media produced my fan creators, especially if they follow a lot of them and can only comment or otherwise get involved with a few posts/creators at a time. This can be what often leads to some 'visiting' the same 3-4 creators more often than they may go to another creator.

Setting up a place and waiting for more people to filter in can feel exhausting all by itself, especially when you're trying to create more to fill more of that space and hopefully entice more people to pop in and see what's going on.

When you focus on self indulgence for a while, you're not always looking at the door, since you usually don't expect people to walk in (at least, I never expect it), so when people actually do come in and tap you on the shoulder to see what you're working on and if they can see, it can really help offer that extra boost you need.

I really don't think you're doing anything wrong. A lot of artists who don't do what those "How to get more followers" tips still find an audience, sometimes due to the niche, sometimes starting out niche but expanding as more ideas get tossed in. Some artists who by the book, seem to do everything right, don't get nearly as much. There's really not a right or wrong way to create or share your creations. There are just a /lot/ of creators, so a lot of times, it boils down to how people find your door.

These are all really good points so I am going to share. Honestly a lot of my GerCanMano stuff is pure self indulgence but you're honestly right I think I'm probably gonna focus on some self indulgent shinanigans for a bit, and stop worrying as much about getting things out on time and making it perfect

but I do wanna point out this cause it hit me;

I'm not sure what you do outside of fandom, but you have so much creativity, I've kinda assumed you've either been doing creative work or are studying to go into it--I can see you in a character design shop tbh, I can see Pin being a villain people would just eat up and love or love to hate.

I was in school, but I never declared my major so I had to stop temporarily because I honestly don't know what major to be. There's so many things I like to do, but I don't know if I want to make a career out of them if that makes sense.

Like art, I love art and video games, I'd love to do things like animation or graphic design or be my own indie developer, but I worry if thinking about a game like a business slash whats making me money will ruin the creative process. It wont be making things for the joy of making things, it would be for my job because I had to, and idk- that just isn't as fun. Im worried about that mentality sinking in. I like them but idk if I wanna have to take them full on seriously as a career.

I'm trying to get a minimum wage job right now but its hard to find a job right now in the US job climate, especially with the fact that I have to find job willing to cater to a disability I have currently offrecord because my doctor wouldnt listen to me. Which is even harder because Ive had to walk away from jobs before because they wouldnt give me accomedations without doctors recommendation.

I am planning to set up a Etsy shop right now actually. I need to get a printer, but otherwise hopefully soon I will have a store up with stickers and preorders for keychains. One day I plan to get a button press and make my own buttons. I have hetalia merch planned, as well as my ocs. I'd love and have designs for all sorts of stuff, custom tshirt designs- like subtle hetalia fan stuff like pockets on the chest witht he character "sticking out" with familiar hetalia patterns. I have miraculous ladybug stuff planned. My friend gave me the idea of aster's heart as a friendship necklace and I love it, I could imagine all sorts of needle and thread themed pin merch I have a lot of ideas its just designing and making them and seeing if people would buy them.

I dont quite know what you mean by character design shop if thats something different or not, but yes.

Ill save a ramble about pin for a seperate post this ask is long and so is my response so Ill stop

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA Reacting to an MC Having a Familial Related Breakdown

requested: by anonymous

a/n: as a bit of background, in this situation instead of calling the police, you call the various RFA members. enjoy!! also welcome back to another episode of Alex Cant Control Himself When Writing About Jumin

warnings: angst, mentions of abuse, language, comfort

-bone breakey mod alex

Jumin

-staying over at your parents house was never fun, jumin knew this, but he’d figured you’d be okay, deciding not to join you on this particular trip

-he’s almost done putting away his last papers for the night when he hears his phone ring

-seeing your caller ID he smiles to himself, heart skipping a beat; putting down a misc pile of contracts before answering, ready to hear your gorgeous voice and hear about whatevers on your mind

-what he’s not expecting is hearing you screaming, unintelligible between sobs, but he pales instantly, heart dropping in panic as he understands the gist of what you’re saying

-the next thing he knows, he’s striding out if the office hurriedly, not even locking up or saying anything to a very perplexed jaehee who watches him fumble with the doorknob, panic in his eyes as he tries to calm you down over the phone, telling you it’s going to be okay, that you dont have to be there forever, that you’ll be okay, you’ll be home soon,

-his whispered comforts bring you just the tiniest but of solace, but the event is playing over and over in your mind, threatning to torture you with the screams of your parents

-he’s at your door in a few short minutes, and he looks out of breath as he rings the doorbell, guards flanking him on both sides, ready to break up any other argument that may arise

-when your father opens the door, Jumin pushes past, offering a cold “goodevening” before going into your room, only to find you curled up in a ball on the floor next to your bed

-your parents only had vague knowledge of who Jumin was, but seeing him in this house this late at night with only fire in his dark eyes and armed with threatning guards that looked strong enough to stop a small war, well lets say the yelling died down

-Jumin sat next to you, gently pulling you into his lap continuing to whisper small phrases of affirmation, stroking your hair calmingly 

-once your sobs die down, he makes sure to take you back home, cutting your trip short; and if you’re okay with it, he’ll make sure to have words with your parents, not caring that he came off as the angry rich businessman as long as you feel safe at the end of it

Jaehee

-she knew your past with your parents, and knew how skeptical you were to go back, but she pushed you just the tiniest bit; after all, she believed in family first above all else

-so the first feeling that hits her when she sees your caller ID is guilt. she could sense immediately that something was off, it being already late at night. through a half asleep daze she answers the call, struggling to sit up as she hears your voice come through the phone in a garbled mess, which is enough to wake her up in pure worry

-tries to calm you over the phone, expertly talking you down, her soft voice washing over you softly as she tells you to breathe and focus on her words. she’ll distract you for as long as you need, talking about the dumbest things, and refuses to go to sleep until you laugh wholeheartedly, and even then double and triple checks that you’ll be okay until tomorrow when she comes to pick you up

-when her car pulls up to your door, you aggressively yeet yourself inside, arms around her immediately. she reciprocates, rubbing comforting circles on your back as she presses you closer to her, making sure you know that you’re safe now

Yoosung

-much like jaehee, he thinks family is important, plus with him being gone on a short business trip (as a consultant on a medical case in Norway), he thinks its a good idea to stay with your parents for a little bit, plus you haven't seen them in forever so you might as well

-little did he know that there was a reason you hadn’t gone back for such a long time

-you think it’ll be okay, seeing as its just two days; but the second you hear the yelling begin, its like being sucker punched drop kicked into your childhood, immediately locking yourself in your room, dialing yoosung as a reflex

-hearing his cheerful voice calms you down, and he hides his worry for you with sweet reassuring statements, little bits of how you’re so brilliant and can handle anything that comes your way,, especially hearing him distract you with stories of cute animals until you’re tired, he makes sure you’re okay before hanging up

-you can hear weird noises on the other end but figure norway is Just That Loud, but when he texts you 6 hours later (at around 4 in the morning) telling you to come to the park, you’re delighted to see him standing there, a box of your favourite sweets in hand

-the two of you will walk around the park and eat, in silence if thats what you prefer, or if you want to rant he’s a good listener

-holds your hand and reassures you that everything will be okay, that you never have to go there again if you dont have to

-his main priority is to just make you feel safe

Seven

-he knew it was a bad idea for you to go alone back to your parents house, so he tried his best to ensure your safety beforehand, mostly by hacking into your houses PC camera. he didn't watch it, it was there in case a situation arose, but he wasn’t a creep, he let you guys go about your business

-when you call him at three in the morning he’s up immediate getting dressed, doesn’t even need to hear your voice to know you’re in trouble, but hearing you crying and yelling something incoherently on the other end of the line breaks his heart

-he breaks about 30 driving laws on the way to get to you, because nothing else matters when his 606 is in trouble

-screeches to a halt outside your door, and stealthily climbs to the roof, whether it be an apartment with roof accesses or a house with him finding a tree he can jump off of, he finds a way to get there, texting you to join him up there 

-when he sees your nervous frame against the dark, he helps you up next to him, pulling you into a tight hug before pulling away abruptly, checking you for signs of abuse, any forming bruises or scratches or what have you

-when he’s satisfied, he takes off his jacket, laying it down for the both of you and you just sit down together, staring at the stars, your head resting on his chest as the sound of your heartbeat calms you down

-he tells you funny stories of various missions he’s done, every terrible joke he knows you love, anything to see you laugh, to make sure you were okay

-looking up at the stars together, he lets you talk about every insecurity, everything you hate about living there, how terrible it always was when you parents got like that, and he listens

-he knows exactly what to say to make you feel better, tracing calming patterns on your skin as he kisses your cheek gently, looking iim your eyes, and when he tells you its going to be okay you really feel it.

-eventually you fall asleep together on the roof, and as you sleep he thinks of a way to help you, anything that’ll make you never have to live in fear of them again

-his biggest fear is for you having to have the kind of parents he also had, and even though for your childhood was over, he never wanted you to have that same kind of never-ending fear and trauma that he faced every day, and he didn’t care how far he’d have to go just to make you feel safe

Zen

-livid

-he didn’t have the best time growing up either but at least all of his parents aggression was directed at him, and he had something he could make out of the pain, rebuild himself

-he’s at your house immediately, dropping everything he’s doing, no matter what photoshoot or movie he’s in the middle of filming, he dips; if you’re in danger, nothing else matters

-he hears the yelling in the background of your phone call, and all this does is fill him with more anger, driving even faster to get to you

-he doesnt hang up the phone until he’s right beside you, pulling you out the door

-holds you tight against him, letting you cry into his chest as he strokes your hair, pressing the occasional kiss to your forehead

-even right there in the middle of the sidewalk he still somehow makes you feel safe, just by being there with you, you know he won't let anything ever happen to you

-when your sobs turn to small hiccups he asks you where you wanna go, whether that be home, the dollar store, 7-11, the park, japan, wherever you want to go he’ll take you

-most likely you just want to go home, and he’ll happily oblige, the second you pass the threshold of your little apartment everything suddenly feels so much better, remembering that this was your life, not with them, but here with your job and zen and the little stray dog the two of you fed every morning

[shy-magpie]

RQG 145

My first EA episode and I'm getting to it 4 hours after release because I'm so excited about joining the Patreon I can’t focus. Its silly but hey birthday money well spent if it makes me this happy right? Ok I think I'm centered enough to hit play.

Eee its going to be my name there someday!

Poor Cel! Poor Azu!

I'm impressed, Alex managed to summarize pretty well given  the circumstances.

Hamid: oh dear! Skraak: Skraak, pressure equalization, Skraak!

What! I was right - he has been getting clearer! Did Alex imply he has been playing up how drugged is? Smart way to get a sense of the party while he gets his feet under him if so.

Thank you Alex, we need those numbers. Oh poor Hamid is confident on a 3.

Skraak is helping! Hamid is listening to him!

~~~Party time~~~

Alarms!

Blast doors? Yes! They won't drown!

Azu! Cel! Zolf!

Point Cel, Shoin seems actively against being useful

Nice, Salt Beard coming up properly after all this time! Scary sounds! Bubbles! Thats got to be a good sign right? Loving the bit with Zolf's thumb!

Not clear what happened plot wise, but Ben did some nice work showing Zolf’s emotions in ways I can’t put into works. Healing time! It is a very Cel, TBF, to quantify their health

Speaker time! Oh thank goodness everyone is healed up. Yeah the food's poisoned we got that with the brunch Hamid was dragged from.

Sweet, torches in the bags of holding are fine.

Loving the character interactions, especially Zolf and Cel bonding over Shoin’s bad design.

Bryn! Alex! That is an actual crime! Conspiracy to commit angst!

I love Zolf's growth!

I will need a transcription of this scene!

Cel was in war zones?

Speakers again

~~~

Hamid is humming opera music (Carmen?)

Scratch? Skraak has been marking the path when Hamid didn't think of it. I love Skraak! Hamid dear, when you get a moment, I know there's a lot on your mind: double check on Skraak's name and pronouns would ya? Also Hamid is doing awesome with the changes. I had faith in him but its great hearing him cheerfully ask Skraak for input as a local expert; instead of trying to force the pattern that worked before even as Skraak gets less kid like. Love to see how this shakes out, even though I confess Hamid having a new younger sibling was a treat. OK enough tangent let's open a hatch!

Oh pressure gauge! I wonder if that helps with more than flooding.

Wrench! I love a call back.

That's one way to refer to Hamid's abilities. Also I am aware of Zolf and Hamid's dwindling spell slots; I am just convincing myself they will be able to camp for the night in a safe hallway before Alex Shoin happens.

Oh good something is maintained around here.

Green light? Alex, did you come up with the hidden doors purely to mess with theoretical maps? Because Babs has been doing pretty well so far but I'll be her second if she challenges Alex to a fight in the parking lot after this episode.

~~~Break time, no ad is surprisingly weird, on edit listen is an ad with Mike that proves once again that I am so far gone on RQ that I even find the ads charming~~~

Oh more Hamid time!

That was a lot of dice, no numbers that I caught. Oh dear! (Was that Ben teasing him?)

In the rafters of a very large room. Huge domed ceiling, sounds pretty. Have I gone 20 minutes without saying how much I love Alex's set design? Thank you Ben, I will google it, *sticks out tongue*. Seriously as long as you enunciate and don't get into stuff so niche you lose people in England too, then don't worry about us from the US. Honestly you guys worry about everything, the occasional missed reference isn't worth the brainspace.

Still not happy about the lack of maintenance, especially given that's what stands between the party and drowning

Skraak sounds worried: it is his first time down this far and sounding more himself by the second. Still no hint of second guessing throwing in with Hamid! As good as Bryn is at avoiding spoilers, I thought he wouldn't have brought up Cohort on the discord if Skraak took it really badly as they sobered up, but is still a relief. Not that I would blame Skraak for much short of turning out to be the secret Big Bad: the circumstances were pretty messed up; even if I stand by saying you can't leave someone who pledged to you and isn't in a position to cover that up if their old boss catches them. Yes I know a conversation about spiders not being the most dangerous thing the party used on Kobolds is coming but with Skraak not turning out to be a kid, it might be more tense but cut my concerns in half. Hell the Kobolds might well be able to fend for themselves post Shoin if they loot the place in compensation.

"I still think that might be an exaggeration"

Oh Hamid has the Elven cloak too. How do you wear two cloaks at once? And don't say you don't, Hamid is not losing 4 levels of dragon awesome (or however Pathfinder put it) in the middle of a dungeon.

Skraak remembers the health potion and doesn't mind being asked to hang back. Hamid arms Skraak with a injection spear. Has the canisters for it too. I may have underestimated him (or on the Doylist level this falls under reasonable retcon; then again I might just have missed Bryn saying he was pocketing this stuff because I thought he would run it by Zolf). *Shrugs* please keep a sample for testing, I have a pet theory I'd love to see tested.

Alex, just...thanks for using a tone of voice that made it completely clear you were joking

Skraak: Skraak avenger, death from above etc! Hamid: Remember, General Skraak Avenger! Hamid remembers what he said to Skraak whether they do or not! OK like I said I loved Hamid adopting Skraak as a new little brother but this new phase is a lot of fun if harder to quantify.

Oh the sleeves! The cloaks don't have to have much physical presence, do they? That makes sense. Sleeves and prestidigitation? Right after being so charming with Skraak? Hamid is in fine form

Alex is just feeling mischievous tonight, I like it.

An enormous pipe organ? I love Alex's set design. (also one day my brain will pull up the right person the first time when someone references Bill Nye or Bill Nighy but even with the Pirates context today is not that day)

I know, Ben, cosmetic or not its fricken awesome.

I don't like the pipes, I don't get the pipes, but I don't like them (that fine mesh better not imply there is something airborne in the complex)

Is it wrong that other than the more obviously ominous bits this sounds like a great place to live?

Chaise longue

Is this seriously set up for the party -wait... Did Hamid skip to the end of the maze with only Skraak for back up and no sleep!?! No reunion or camping scene first? Not even a spell restoring nap?!

Human IOD? ALEX, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS FIGURE? ITS SHOIN RIGHT? ITS GOTTA BE.

Don't listen to Ben, Alex will get you if you jump to conclusions. That's my dragon! Sneaky lad learned from Sasha!

~~~Of course he is switching to the party. Man has a sense of timing.

More party favors, daggers make my heart twinge

Azu takes Cel’s hand to guide them

Gonna light a torch? Or is Zolf keeping up his anti light thing.

Alex is simplifying things No Zolf is not throwing open the door. Oh thank hope, Zolf is lighting a torch. Pathfinder jokes

We like it too Alex!

I like the zone thing.

Cel, I adore you! Zolf just promised backstory! Get that down! And a miner/minor pun, these people are the best! Oh tin miner!

Lights! Golden bulkhead! Seriously where is this guy getting his money?

Azu spots a trap! Yes Alex, we respect your craft. Trip wire!

I love the boots

Oh Cel is clumsy, I hadn't actually noticed that.

Genre savvy Cel hulks out with bat wings! Claws! Fangs! HP goes up thank all the gods! (Azu lets go of their hand)

Ben needs to look up spells but Zolf is prepared Azu puts on the iron beard

They throw open the door!

~~~

Poor Bryn, stuck waiting for the next episode like us listeners to find out the results.

I've been re listening to some early episodes and I really missed the "byes". It's a silly sign off but I think that comfort with silly might be part of why I like it?

Re: the bloopers, it would have been a little funny if they did a “detect traps” and got knocked out like when Hamid tried detect magic in, was it Rome?

OK bottom line: Skraak is awesome; I still miss Sasha but at least Lydia can be a bat even if it isn’t cloak of the bat; Zolf came back better than ever and actually wants to have at least 2 real conversations; and Azu is a champ for doing so well despite her phobias (which are still taken seriously because Helen and RQ are friggen awesome). Fun and pulpy, that's how ya do it! Stakes from the sea floor to the stratosphere! Character moments! Sets that make Hollywood weep in jealousy!

Okay okay some people may be stressed out after that even though everyone ended up fighting fit, which is fair, ok? but physical peril? Just a roller coaster to me, I'll take it any day of the week and twice on Sundays!

[certainwoman]

every few years things just go in reactionary cycles on social media. i was thinking how queer was associated with a specific kind of lgbt people in late 00s and early 10s, but prior to that was of course  integral to 90s lgbt art / culture basically. artists proudly used the term with specific notions of defiance to heteronormativity and even proud deviance, the term was eventually watered down but was still important. then of course with the widespread usage of that term, there were claims of it being “problematic” as if it hasnt been in the process of reclamation and redefinition in the last hmm 20 years. Poly politics were vehemently defended in the early 2010s with absurd claims of polyamory inherently being more ethical, monogamy being just simplified as selfish, as unnatural, nowadays more and more we see reactionary stances where poly people are being simplified as incapable of love, emotionally devoid, it is truly nasty how there isnt inherent morality in being poly or being open or being monogamous, yet the focus is constantly on “who does relationships better” when... thats a very complex matter influenced mostly by societal influences in cases of all types of relationships. last few years there has been a rise in attempting to replicate patterns of lesbian separatism, by displaying some fetishised, idealized and westernized version of pure lesbian history. i suspect this also came as a reaction to homophobia, to “everyone is a bit bi” stances that dominated the late 00s and early 10s. And now.... i see terms that connect bi women and lesbians such as wlw or sapphic being called unnecessary or “corny” (which is even worse, just bc something is useful and widely used does not make it.... well.. corny). there is a shared history and identities historically werent so firmly established and cannot be fit solely into the narrative of pure lesbian history or bi history, sometimes its silly to even label historical figures so firmly with contemporary given identities (and another problem is why are we so caught up of this notion of identity being essential to someones being or even saying much about them). it should be a means of organizing, and wlw should definitely organize together, we have so much in common. ehh, sorry for touching upon like 5 different topics in one post. 

[mysticmysterywrites-blog]

Prompt #6

Hey, so this prompt ended up being over 2000 words. I'm telling you now, you absolutely do not have to match it. Like, you can choose to. This is something you can choose to do! But I'm not going to force you to, because I'm 9/10 not gonna match this fuckers length again for a good long time.

Anyway!

I'm kinda hoping for a male character as a reply? The character I'm writing is like, 100% homo of the sexual, and he absolutely fuck with your character a few times while they're traveling. That said, if you really want to play a female character, I'm not that hard to convince (being the massive fucking gay that I am). But also, might end up needing to wipe the romantic aspect from it!

At least w/ Kimon, anyway. His brothers fair game to all genders.

Real fast. Kimon and Thales are human twins, the first being a bard and the second a wizard. They have darker skin, with red-brown hair and brown eyes. Kimon keeps his styled a bit shorter, and sticks to wearing lots of blacks and greys like the emo fucker he is. Probably best known for playing fantasy My Chemical Romance in the middle of the night. Thales keeps his hair down to about his chest, and dresses up in robes and a barrage of colors and patterns thats insulting to anyone actually trying. He's actually p happy, as a person. And you know, the necromancer.

When he's 5 he trips and cuts his leg on the pointed ocean stones, the sea salt slipping into the wound with each lap of the water

He cries and cries and cries, letting the tears replace the ocean mist on his face. His mother eventually notices his screams and comes rushing over to check on him, but his brother watches the way the blood falls from his wound, eyes wide in facination, hand gripping his in an attempt to comfort him.

The memory is eventually forgotten with time, but the fascination is not, and the two of them take very different paths in life.

~~

He starts learning the piano when he's 7, takes fascination in the way that it sounds and feels. Every touch of a new key is a new feeling of wonder and excitement, Eventually, he takes excitement in the way that the lights around him glitter and dance, turning to the tune of the piano. He gets caught like that, playing to lights that shouldn't be there.

His mother is hesitant, of course. Bards are well known for their love of travel, for never standing in one place. Their father was like that. Always wanting to travel and move, always wanting to explore the world. It got him killed, and screwed her leg up, and she didn't want that for her baby boys. She wanted them to live a comfortable, cushiony life. Something boring. Something safe.

However, eventually she relents. He's not a particularly happy child (and hell, even as an adult is admittedly not the tellitubbies sun.) But playing against the piano always made him smile, and she loves when he smiles.

Over the years, He learns to master the piano, and then the violin, then the flute, then the guatar, and even the harp. Always falls back to the piano, but finds just as much enjoyment in every other instrument he learns. Violin offers him the most mobility, however, and mobility eventually offers him places amongst parties of adventurers or caravans.

His brother studies book after text next to him, humming along to the songs he plays time and time again, and eventually is rewarded a stave for his troubles.

~

They leave home when they're 16.

It's a hard choice to make. Admittedly, they have a rather comfortable life. Their mother has money and resources. Earned her place amongst nobility, rather then born. She knows who to talk to, and how to talk to them, and as a result they all live comfortable lives.

But he wants to travel, and his brother is running out of books to study from. He craves knowledge, craves digging deeper into magic he shouldn't have access to. He doesn't understand it, at the time. He, personally, just wants to tell stories. Learn other people stories. Wants to learn stories that have been passed down time and time again, and pass them onto other people.

But his brother wants knowledge, the kind hidden behind lock and key deep in temples and forgotten cities.

And forgotten cities have some pretty damn kick-ass stories to tell.

~~

When they're younger, there's this tiefling girl that comes to their house a lot.

Her names Laelia, and she has this absolutely gorgeous purple skin, and big horns that crook and curve down, following the curve of her back and curl of her black hair. Her eyes are a bright green color, and fingers and teeth are sharp and shinning. She scares his brother, at first. But, Their mother welcomes her with open arms, speaks curses of the girl's parents and their dismissal. Sometimes, she stays for months on end before her parents remember she exists, come and claim her once again.

But she always end up back at their house, and their mother teaches her how to stalk around in the shadows, how to take full advantage of the smallest blade. Her sons might have been magic users, but the girl becomes her daughter, and she gladly passes on her techniques to her as she would a child of her own blood.

She travels with them for a while. She grows close to dying three times, then meets a small group

Her last words to him weren't a goodbye. She didn't believe in goodbyes, whatever that meant. She believed that the word was "Kimon, watch out for your brother," she'd tell him, placing her hands on his shoulder and glancing over at him, "he's getting into some things that are far outside his payroll, if you get what I'm throwing down."

He raised an eyebrow, and at the time he didn't understand. She could see that, he thinks. So, she just sighs and mutters.

"Its- nevermind. Just focus on keeping yourself safe, babe," and then she'd smack him on the back of the head, and turn to walk away. ~~

They find the first book in a temple hidden away, seemingly lost to time itself. Its made of stone and gold, the shine of the metal seeming to dance through the cracks of the stone. Light struggles to make its way inside, and Thales lights their path with a small flame, just in front of the two of them.

Theres a skeleton in the middle of the floor, a body as forgotten as the temple, and stains that even sink into the cracks of the floor. They ignore it, and go about shuffling through the books and notes the deceased wizard had left behind.

Thales thumbs through it with fascination glinting in his eyes and mouth opening and shutting about every now and again. "It's powerful stuff," he mutters, mostly to himself, "I don't know if I've ever seen anything like it."

They spend over a month there, as his brother copies spell after spell down. He doesn't mind, because he's spent three months in towns writing down stories and local fables. But it still worries him, the way his fingers linger over the necromancy books for so long.

~~

There's this girl they meet.

She's beautiful. Hair large, curly. Pure white against a nice tan. She dresses in pinks and whites, carries around a hammer larger then she is. Her skin is callous around her fingers, eyes are brighter then ocean water, and she has a laugh he thinks he could play a song to.

Kimon likes her well enough. Thales falls for her immediately.

The sound of her spine snapping is somehow both memorizing, and sickening.

~~

His cat brings him a little dead bird one day. It's feathers are pulled out and it's guts are destroyed, and the little bastard looks so pleased with himself over it. He grumbles and goes to clean it up, but his brother snatches up the job before he has the chance. Whatever. He's always been a fucking weirdo.

He doesn't think much of it. Wizards were just kind of like that. Maybe he needed the bones, or the feathers. Maybe it was some rare kinda bird, or maybe he just liked the look of the thing. He wasn't one to judge, he supposed.

He comes back three days later, holds up the bird, fluttering and chirping and as happy as could be.

"Kimon," he tells him, hope barely stinging through his voice, "I think I could bring her back."

~~

His brother leaves in the middle of the night, one night, and he doesn't bother coming back. Doesn't leave a note, doesn't say goodbye. He just fuckin' leaves, like the goddamn jackass he is. His anger is replaced by worry only when, two years later, he hears stories of a necromancer causing trouble on a snowy mountain.

~~

There's a few times where he's wrong

There's a few times where he joins a party chasing after a necromancer, only for them to stumble across a cult, or some other dumbass wizard in over their head on the concept of their own power. He doesn't feel bad, helping to bring their end. He doesn't have a connection to them, doesn't feel the pain they do. But it's disappointing everytime. He wants to find his brother, wants to know hes okay.

But he almost always ends up jumping from the party, after they're done.

He meets up with Laelia's party again, travel with them to some sea side town he knows he's been to but doesn't remember the name of. He doesn't tell them about his brother, knows the looks Laelia gives him when he asks are knowing and worried.

They stop at a little in, one thats run down and near abandoned, but has maybe some of the best fries he's tastes in years. He preforms for them to snag them a free room, and thats where he meets them.

They're different. He doesn't know why, but they feel different. He lingers around for a bit, listens to the way they speak and the tales they spin. It might be eaves dropping, to a small degree, but he finds himself so inticed by their words that he doesn't care.

He only approaches them after they tell the tale of a necromancer they've taken down, and how they plan to hunt down another one sometime soon. "I hear you're going after a necromancer," the words feel foreign, sour on his tongue, despite the fact that he's said them time and time over, "Up north, right? How much are you paying?"

And then he separates from Laelia's party once more, to fall in line with them.

~~

He sleeps with them about three times, overall

The first time was excusable. They were both drunk, and he was admittedly touch starved. Every moment their hand lingered against his arm, it shot a feeling of euphoria up into his side, made him see lights he didn't know existed. He tried to play his instrument that night, but the cords were sloppy, and tune was off, and all he succeeded in doing was making them laugh. And hell, their laughter was gorgeous. Waking up the next day curled into their side hadn't been surprised, but he found he couldn't care as much as he should have with a hang over.

The second time wasn't as easily excusable, so much as it was stupidity. Theres this dance they go to, you see. Need to get all dressed up for it, know how to slow dance and eat finger foods and shit. They need to get in and steal a book from the man running the party, something of an easy task. They're talking in private, somewhere quiet, more like arguing, when the doors open. He thinks too fast, doesn't think through his plan. All he knows is that they have papers, books that they shouldn't, and that could be anyone. He slams his lips down onto theirs, lets them linger as the intruders startle, then pass. Flustered, but not knowing any better as to what they've obtained. And they don't bother separating, at least for the night. They're both touch starved, both angry.

The third time? There was no excuse. Nothing he could blame it on. They'd been sitting out by the camp fire, as he plucked gently at the strings of his instrument and played a quiet tune. It was just the two of them, party members be damned. It was cold. They were both tired, both hungry. They'd move closer together, quietly- gratefully- taking in the warmth of the other body heat. He'd bitch at them for ruining the tune of the song he was playing, and they'd laugh at him for it. He'd place his head on their shoulder, place his violin down. Move closer. Kiss them.

They end up in his tent, and he ends up with cricks all up his back, and half a regret from the night earlier.

~~

He tells himself not to get too attached to them. They're a means to an end, nothing more, nothing less.

But Dammit.

He likes them

~~

Theres tubes, filled with green liquid he can't really see through fully, but can see enough through to make out the form of a person.

The basement becomes colder, especially as he hears familiar humming deeper in it.

~~

He would have slept with them more, is the thing.

But despite being a bard, he can't seduce to save his fucking life, and they always shuffle away when he gets close. So he doesn't, and they move on with their lives.

~~

There's this little cabin tucked away in the mountains that they stumble across. While it appears abandoned at first, it's worn and well loved on the interior, Ash and dust having collected, just as much as footsteps and food have. There's evidence of someone living there, but not evidence of there currently being someone THERE.

They find a door under a rug, and that's where they hit gold.

~~

They travel together for at least a year.

They have a tendency to get, well. Sidetracked, is the thing. A small quest here leads to a bigger quest there, and suddenly something that should have only taken three months at most is taking a year to get done. Its an easy pattern to fall into. They're the first person he's felt compelled to stay around in a while, and he doesn't mind getting dragged off to do the next big thing.

Still. He worries what will happen, in the end.

~~

He makes a choice he decides not to regret.

He changes his target.

He's always been good at adding buffs. He plays on the defensive, prefers not to get hit. But it's hard. It's hard to concentrate on protecting both teams. He doesn't want his brother dead, and his brother doesn't want to die, which makes him terrifying. Thales always had a good grasp on magic, and watching him use it against them turns his heart cold.

He could tell that his brother, at least, was picking up on something being off, the way he noticeably double takes at him. His mask covers only the base of his face, but his hat covers the rest of it. But he knows his play style is unique, knows his brother has watched him cast spells with his magic almost his entire life. He notices, about half way through, how Thales backs off. Opens his mouth to say something. Gets himself knocked out as a result of it.

The shriek of the violin stops the battle in it's tracks, and he's turning his heel as his brother falls to the ground. Passed out, he tells himself. He's hurt and bloody and tired, but his brother is only passed out. He looks over the eyes of the person he's been traveling with for over a year now, the person that sweeps his feet out from under him and plays with his heart.

He's not sure if what he feels is love, or lust, but it doesn't change the fact that he's pointing a knife at them.

"Let me make this very clear," he raises the bow of his violin up, something he liked to think was a little more threatening due to the curve of the end being sharpened, due to them having watched him fight time and time again, "If you touch him, any farther, I- I will kill you. Even you can't be /that/ fuckin stupid. Step OFF."

[monsterloveday]

I hope you don't mind.

‘Jigsaw pieces are different but still fit together”. This headline was said in a video I recently watched by ‘Bodyposipanda’ on Instagram (god I love her) and the truth of it hit me all at once, I couldn't quite believe that something so true had never penetrated my brain. It got me thinking and made me realise how I have created and followed certain ‘Rules’, when it comes to body types and my body type especially. I have been so goal oriented lately and making and booking plans (it feels so good to finally get things rolling btw haha) that the thought of dating / getting out there / love is not one of my priorities, in fact it has become so unimportant to me that my attitude towards this kind of thing is completely transforming (and for the better I’d say, although thats another story entirely).

However another reason men / relationships / dates etc have been on the back burner is because I have (unknowingly, until now) continued to follow my belief that my body is not to standard / thin enough to have any kind of involvement with anyone, thats it is ‘a work in progress’ and undesirable to all, especially to myself.  

I told myself that I cant and shouldn't look for love or even anything casual any time soon as I don't have the right body for it, (like there are requirements and regulations?). It just wasn't an option at this point in my life and to focus on something more important, and in the mean time I will continue with being ashamed of my body and to cover up as much as possible.

I took myself off dating sites as I was now bigger than the pictures on my profile and I couldn't possibly upload newer and truer ones of myself, only when I got back to an ‘acceptable size’ would I re appear. I believed that thinner guys would not be interested in a girl like me as I am too big for them. Any time I notice a beautiful man (no matter what size he may be) I have a good look at them (obviously! ;P) and then turn my eyes to the floor as if to say to myself ‘you cant try anything with anyone right now’. Its crazy to think how much I have forbidden upon myself, so many things and all because I have a different body now. But it was reading through the many comments by women on this Instagram video that made me so sad (but also selfishly comforted) to learn that SO MANY WOMEN have made these rules also. The hating of stretch marks, the worry of belly roles, the belief that because our bodies are bigger than potential partners means that they do not fit. Tonight I deleted my POF account for good (no not the typical uninstalling - reinstalling pattern I have repeated over the years). Purely because every time I went on it, I felt horrible. I felt horrible because I saw too much fat hating, too much shallowness. Too many profiles stating they wont speak to bigger girls, too many guys making comments on my weight, or my hair or piercings. (and obviously the endless amounts that just want one thing only).

Now, I understand everyone has preferences / types and of course that is ok, and with dating, rejection is something that comes with it (no matter how many times you get rejected it sucks though) but when I see guys at word go laying down the law of ‘I will not speak to you if you are fat’ is quite franky such a shitty way to be and is probably one of the many causes as to why women believe they have to become this perfect body in order to be wanted or to be seen as attractive. Seeing this type of attitude started to cement the belief into my brain that men don't seem to look for good hearts, good personalities or good morals in women - just a perfect body and a perfect face, which are things I will never have. It made me feel completely worthless and absolutely shite and that fatness is so hated and its almost criminal if you are. But I don't want to go down that road. I am really resisting that belief, I WANT to be believe that there are guys out there who don't mind. Who wont mind that I have grey hair Who wont mind that quite frankly I have more fat on me than most. Who wont mind that one of my boobs is slightly bigger than the other  (some of these things have been complained about by a guy I was dating a few years back - yep!) Who wont mind that I cant be confident or perfect in EVERY way possible And that regardless of all the shitty messages / face to face comments I have received  - I don't want to drown in them and let them influence my thoughts towards guys and how they may see me...or even , how I see myself. Maybe Ill never meet someone - and that is ok... Maybe its best to stay the way I am so if anyone is to come my way they will like me for EXACTLY who I am  Maybe ill get bigger, Maybe I’ll get smaller Maybe I’ll become successful Maybe I’ll fail Maybe I’ll get a million more stretch marks and perhaps grow a beard. But whatever I may be - if a guy is to come into my life, I hope he wont mind.